#also i'm obsessed with the idea that the batkids

[finemealprompt]

DP x DC Prompt #90

Jason has always been a theater kid. It allowed him to escape from the real world, be someone else for a bit. He wasn’t Jason or Robin when he was on the stage. He wasn’t in Gotham. He was someone else somewhere else. And he loved it. 

When he died, he thought he had missed out on the chance to be on the stage. But, when he sees a flier about community theater, he decides to give it a shot. Besides, the name on the flier seems … familiar. He’s not sure where he’s heard the name “Danny Fenton” before, but maybe meeting the guy will help jog his memory.

[brucewaynehater101]

I miss the feeling I had when I first joined this fandom, I knew virtually nothing so everything was correct and I loved everything, even if that stuff just isn’t true, i was like

Bruce is a bit emotionally constipated but loves his kids? Hell yeah sounds legit

dick is a silly happy flippy man who is a bit promiscuous? Love that for him

Jason is a mega feminist literature nerd who is also buff and takes care of the street kids? Perfect man honest

Tim is a nerd who never sleeps and is queer and has never known the touch of a man nor woman? Sweet

Steph is waffle obsessed goofball? Well I prefer pancakes but right on

Cass is a mute badass who loves her fam? I love her

Duke is a normal dude? Well someone has to be and he seems neat

Alfred can do no wrong? Aight, I love old perfect tea men

Damian is a little prick? So are all middle schoolers give him time

But then I had to go learn about the characters and now I have complex opinions about them, and can see the inherent racism and sexism in how they are portrayed

You know before I joined the bat fandom I did not use the exclude tag in ao3? Like tmnt and dp have some bad stuff but usually I could just scroll past.

but now I am having to avoid fics where whole ass adults are bullying and/or oversexulizing a child

Im constantly on the look out for untagged batcwst

I struggle to find fics that don’t describe dicks ass

I have been in this fandom for probably about two years now and y’all I swear

sorry for ranting, and don’t worry I love all your stuff and I know the just back click don’t leave mean comments rule

I’m just tried bc most of the stuff I thought was true turned out to be false

Mm. I do find it a little exhausting trying to navigate the lines of what's canon, what shouldn't be canon (but is due to racism/sexism/homophobia/etc.), and just having fun.

I'm also trying to cultivate the mindset of what I've seen on Tumblr about not policing other people's ships/ideas. I am highly uncomfortable with some (particularly underaged people and adults dating), but I'm also not leaving hate comments. Like you said, the backspace exists for a reason.

Idk. There's a toooon of takes/ideas about the batfam that are inherently false, but as long as they aren't racist/sexist/etc takes, I don't see the harm in them. So what if someone wants a coffee obsessed Tim? So what if Jason's kill code is very strict? As long as they don't claim it's canon, let them be

But yeah. I have a mile long exclude list for fics on AO3. I used to use it only for triggers (I can not do stockhold syndrome, my lords), but now it's got other weird ass shit I've stumbled upon (I saw a fic where the batkids were spanked as punishment??? Like I said, not gonna leave hate comments or single anyone out. Just not my cup of tea).

I also am usually not a fan of romance/sex. It's why the batfam intrigued me so much (found families usually don't have that in it). I like exploring dynamics outside of romance and thus love the batfam. They've got so much going on that romance/sex is not needed. They are such a mess without that dynamic being added (talking about the Bats getting with a third party, but, again, trying not to yuck anyone's yum).

However, I agree. There's a ton of misinformation within fandom. I like how complex canon gets with the characters, but there's also widely different takes with them (mostly talking about Bruce here. He can either be trying or just a straight up horrible dad).

[envysparkler]

I'm curious about this Uno reverse batfamily adoption fic idea. What is it going to be about? All the batkids parents are alive and try to coparents Bruce and the robins?

The story starts when a newly minted Batman goes to a circus. He runs into a panicking baby Dick before the show starts, who claims that there's a bad man doing something to the ropes. Bruce rushes off to stop him, gets lightly stabbed, and decides to buy Haly's Circus so this kind of thing doesn't happen again.

The Grayson family happily adopt him. No amount of persuading will convince Dick Grayson that Bruce is not his new older brother. Alfred is happy to have more people looking out for Bruce. Bruce is defeated and resignedly accepts his new parental figures, since it appears that Haly's Circus is going to stay in Gotham.

[you can insert subplot about court of owls here or not.]

Bruce Wayne is in Crime Alley on the anniversary of his parents' death. He gets mugged, which causes a flashback and a panic attack, and a kind passerby coaches him through it while her son scowls at him the whole time. Catherine Todd invites him up for a cup of tea and Bruce meets her husband. He can see where Jason gets the scowl from. Willis gives back Bruce's wallet and keys without saying where he got them from. The car's tires, however, are a lost cause.

[honestly the dramatic tension here from Batman running into Willis as one of Two-Face's lackeys would be delicious. also feat Willis finally revealing Catherine's medical issues which of course leads to Bruce paying for treatment and Jason starting to trust him.]

This Batman has no Robin. This does not stop little Timmy's fascination with nighttime photography, which Janet encourages. Children need to spend time outside, she can brag about her baby's talent, and honestly all the traveling means she's up at odd hours when she's in Gotham anyway. But all that Bat-watching gets Janet thinking and she figures out that Bruce is Batman in a couple of months. Tim is his mother's son, after all. Janet, previously very annoyed with Brucie Wayne, now realizes the whole thing is an act, and is very amused. She can use this to troll Gotham's snooty high society and get a good laugh out of those stuffy galas. Jack is always game to go along with a good joke.

[The Drakes, frequent visitors to the circus ever since little Dick Grayson picked up baby Timmy and proclaimed that he'd do a special flip just for him, find out that the Graysons also know Bruce. They meet the Todds on another trip. If Bruce knew that there were three different sets of Gotham parents conspiring about him, he'd probably flee permanently to the Watchtower.]

Talia...well, it would be a bit awkward for Talia to adopt Bruce. But you don't have to change much to have Ra's be the kind of father that's obsessed with that One Boyfriend you brought for dinner five years ago and won't stop asking when he's coming back.

[Why, yes, Ra's does join the monthly meetings of the Bruce Wayne Protection Squad. If only to weigh in on the "who should Bruce date" debate. They're going to be his future in-law after all.]

Batman runs into David Cain and Lady Shiva on two separate missions, both of which end in injuries for Bruce, but a little girl sticks bandaids with colorful print on him so he guesses it's okay. Her parents have split custody of Cass and now apparently Bruce too, if the way they grouse at him about the proper way to take on assassins is any indication.

Batman ends up in the hospital and Crystal Brown is the nurse that's assigned to his care. The only thing that stops a delirious Batman from trying to get out of bed is Stephanie Brown's detailed stories. Some time later, Cluemaster kidnaps Batman--not to unmask his identity, but to interrogate him on his postoperative care because his wife and daughter were worrying.

Gordon's already pretty much adopted him, so nothing has to change there.

Bonus: Bruce is a fantastic babysitter. He's attentive and careful. Also, all the kids think he's super cool because he's Batman, which is very flattering. And whenever one of them starts making noises about joining him in fighting crime, he can drop them back off at their parents.

[batkidd]

Blog Guidelines / Rules here. BATKIDD 🦇

⬑appearance reference here

Kidd AKA Batkid AKA

Kieran D. Davis

is not his real name.

↳ 📂 GCPD Official File

📂 Arkham Asylum Medical File

🎙️ Comments from the other Rogues

Real Name: Unknown

Aliases: Batkid , Kidd , Kieran D. Davis (Suspected real name, no official document)

Birthdate: Unknown

Birthplace: (Suspected) East End, Gotham

Nationality: (Suspected) U.S.A

Citizen: (Suspected) Yes

*Subject has no known documentation, birth certificate, or passport.

Age: over 18 to early 20s

Sex: Male

Gender: Claims to be non-binary, masculine presenting; uses any pronouns

Height: 5'5"

Weight: 158lbs

Build: Slim

Eye color: D. Brown

Hair color: Black

Scars and Marks: Multiple bruises around legs and torso, cuts around arms and fingers.

Known Gang Affiliation: No

Crime(s): Assault, battery, theft; practices vigilantism

Status: Escaped from Arkham Asylum, possibly hiding out in East End.

📂 GCPD Official File

↳📂 Arkham Asylum Medical File

🎙️ Comments from the other Rogues

Diagnosis:

Schizophrenia

Seen having delusional thoughts about The Batman, and an imaginary friend known as "Robert". Frequently speaks to himself while referring to "Robert".

Highly suspected psychopathy, due to expressed psychopathic tendencies around doctors and other patients; one such case included lashing out at another patient, Victor Zsasz, after the man made fun of Davis for being rather short. The situation escalated after Davis retaliated with verbal abuse, where Zsasz would be seen getting irritated at Davis and the pair would seem as though they were preparing to fight; Davis ended up throwing the first punch, then quickly got apprehended by nurses. The two were then separated. When asked, Davis showed no remorse in punching Zsasz, even showing he took enjoyment out of it.

Davis has also shown signs of being rather childish for his suspected age of being around 19 to 21. When asked about this, Davis stated that he had no interest in growing up after what he saw it would be like in society, that it was "boring" to him.

📂 GCPD Official File

📂 Arkham Asylum Medical File

↳🎙️ Comments from the other Rogues

Joker:

[TAPE STARTS]

↳ " The kid is clearly off his rocker! (Laughter) He claims he's Batman's number one fan when clearly that title goes to me!

At first I thought he was another one of the Bat's little birdies flying off his cape but as it turns out, (gasp), The Batman himself had no idea who this kid was! Talk about an irresponsible father~ (Maniacal laughter)

But seriously, that kid is nowhere NEAR the level of number one fan of Batman than I am! And if he so much as thinks he can come close to me? Well, he's got another thing coming' to him.

(Even more maniacal laughter)

" [TAPE ENDS]

Harley Quinn (POST JOKER BREAKUP):

[TAPE STARTS]

↳ " Honestly? The kid ain't THAT bad, I mean sure he's got a few screws loose but come on, who doesn't? I think Bats gives him too much of a hard time, the kid's just tryin' his best to be like his idol! Even though, well, the kid is pretty obsessed with him... ah, well, ain't everyone a lil' into Batman though? (Chuckles) But I digress. The kid's helped me out, helped out the Batman and his lil crew too on some occasions, so I think he deserves more credit!

" [TAPE ENDS]

Catwoman: 

[TAPE STARTS]

↳ " I'm pretty sure everyone who's talked about this kid has mentioned his obsession with Batman... it's pretty off putting, but he's not all bad. Even though, he is pretty crazy. That aside, his heart's in the right place, I'm sure. Growing up in Gotham must've been hard for him, especially since I hear his parents walked out on him when he was like what, 11? I heard he doesn't remember anything before that age... poor kid. Hope the others aren't too hard on him, but he seems to know how to take care of himself, so I'm not too worried.

" [TAPE ENDS]

Two-Face:

[TAPE STARTS]

↳ " THAT annoying kid who dresses in a shitty bat costume?! We've seen him around, but he doesn't come to our turf much... must be too scared! Though it pisses us off the way he'd try to steal from us. He's just another annoying fly that I would love to swat out.

" [TAPE ENDS]

Riddler: 

[TAPE STARTS]

↳ " Hmph. That child claims to want to be Batman? What a joke. He doesn't seem like the bright type, he'd shatter in an instant trying to solve my riddles. His obsession with the Bat won't amount to anything, mark my words.

" [TAPE ENDS]

Scarecrow:

[TAPE STARTS]

↳ " Our paths have crossed, unfortunately. I find this child to be an annoyance, but surprisingly skilled, as much as I hate to admit. Somehow, under all of that juvenile delinquency, fear doesn't seem to grasp him as hard as it does others. Though, I know he has fears-- perhaps he's too ignorant to acknowledge them. I find him to be a fascinating patient to test on, his irritating personality aside.

" [TAPE ENDS]

Penguin:

[TAPE STARTS]

↳ " THAT bloody lunatic had the audacity to steal from ME! Here I thought he was just some fanboy of the Bat, but I suppose he's more foolish than I first thought. Nobody steals from The Penguin without getting away from it, and especially not some kid!

" [TAPE ENDS]

Poison Ivy:

[TAPE STARTS]

↳ " Hm, I expected this child to be more reckless. Surprisingly, he hasn't really went out of his way to harm any plants, but it's not like he particularly cares about them either.. aside from the pretty ones he would stumble upon. I've heard his voice through the vines and moss that grow throughout the streets, and there's something sad about him that I can't really place... that, or I'm thinking about it too much. He can be a nuisance to the others all he likes, as long as he doesn't stomp on my plants, we're in neutral standing.

" [TAPE ENDS]

≪ INTERVIEW LIST MAY UPDATE ≫

※ characters are not obligated to follow this previous set of impressions, these are just headcanons !

[f4nd0m-fun]

SQUEEEEEEE

Oh gods, she DOES. And, although they don't know it, the Batfam are technically supernatural and she's been slipping some of that care into her regimen for them. ESPECIALLY for Jason, hangry 'baby' needs help.

Yes it's toddler fighting but then it ends up with Sam trying to tie him up in vines and then crying when he burns them and now they're both upset.

Pariah gets summoned, isn't even held by the binding circle, ignores pretty much everyone but the Batfam members in the league, hands the kids over, and tells them they better not be late for dinner. Then proceeds to slightly eviscerate JLD verbally before letting them ask questions (he's not asking everything).

Oh lawdy the pearls. But I can see that. She strung it herself and, every so often, she seems to pluck a new pearl from midair and adds it to the string. They're black pearls though, instead of her original white, but they shine almost red in the right light. And Thomas definitely has that 'gay single earring' (half joking but also not) and probably gets teased about it from his partners. And ooo that's interesting. Which, adding to my theory about how the King/Queen/High Royal HAS to be a Halfa for various 'without your human half the relics would overpower you', what if the relics have to have some tie to your human side? The ring is the wedding with Martha, and the earring was something Alfred got him since they couldn't get married (maybe he gave the other half to Martha). They're still not sure when it merged with the Royal crown but at this point it doesn't really matter.

Imagine being a Batkid or even Bruce and Alfred takes it that ancient pocket watch he never lets anyone touch. He clicks it and it turns into a staff like nothing you've ever seen before, and as the bottom strikes the floor time seems to slow around you all (meanwhile Tim, upon finding out Alfred is the time ancient, wonders why he didn't help with Bruce being stuck in time).

Oh my gods Bruce is gonna be the best big brother. And I'm going to stick to your Ancient of Family (after he dies) idea. Which, what's funny is Pariah is Protection(?) Ancient Shadow Core Family Obsession but Bruce is Family Ancient Shadow Core Protection Obsession (truly his father's son). And yeah he definitely gives more hugs, they all do.

I just had an interesting thought of Alfred not being able to mimic some of the finer points of being human. Sure he been around a while, but changing biology on a whim or even over time isn't easy for someone who isn't naturally a shapeshifter. So, while he almost seems to have a normal heart, if someone listens too hard for too long they can hear the tiks and toks and the clinking of gears.

@wisecloudnightmare even more ramble

Prompt 153

 Pariah Dark, Ghost King, warrior, tyrant, world-breaker, Ancient of Darkness, is utterly gobsmacked. The sarcophagus had been opened- something he wasn’t honestly expecting seeing as it was supposed to be for eternity- and he had honestly just been blinking awake. It took a minute or few to properly wake up, but who could blame him? It wasn’t like there was anyone before him who could have opened his prison. 

 Though that wasn’t what had him utterly befuddled. He was rather certain that he had not gotten locked into the Sarcophagus of Sleep with several literal ghost infants. 

Well mostly infants, one is more like the equivalent of a three or four year old but still. And he has a rather panicked sort of feeling breaking through his usual bloodlust, because they all look really similar to his not-exactly ex. Same white hair, same wispy ghost-tail, same tiny fangs and claws currently being bared at him and each other. But they also kind of look like him, what with two having hair aflame- one even had black hair like he once did before his insanity- and even having red eyes. Most even had his own corpse-pale skin, though he could see a more blue tint on a couple and one more similar to his brother’s. 

So yes, Pariah Dark is very much panicking and trying to do the math in his head. A visit to Clockwork might be in his best interest…

[stealingyourbones]

This time I choked on a cookie, what do you know.

So I'm not exactly high cultured on the Batman/Dc lore, heard stuff through the grapevine and the occasional clip watch so if I make any assumed mistakes feel free to correct me.

So in short, instead of biologically connecting Danny to Bruce or any other Batkids.

Why not the Joker?

It doesn't even have to be close, something like a faraway cousin.

The crazies are obviously there in Jack and Maddie- Even if it is dedicated to science.

I don't know enough to make an actual connection that may work, but it's what the cookie says.

Hmmmm. Ok so like Joker before he became criminally insane or after? I’m takin a fat guess for after.

I know that Joker has had children in the comics. He had two perfectly normal kids when he sorta mentally hid himself in his own brain and adopted the name Joseph Kurr after Batman ‘died’. He was a normal man with a normal life, normal job, normal wife, and I’m pretty sure two kids. He turns back into Joker the second he finds out that Batman is back and all that, but it shows that he can indeed have two kids unaffected by his chemical alterations.

(Oh also the idea that the vat of stuff that joker fell in was actually pure ectoplasm and stuff to that degree of purity made him gain an obsession but no core is p cool. The obsession obvs being Batman.)

I haven’t read The Three Jokers comic (nor do I want to. The entire point of the joker is that he is unknown and doesn’t have an in depth backstory and that ruins it for me.) so I’m unsure any past connection he could possibly have with Jack or Maddie besides…

Hold up.

Wait.

You know what Joker is a master of that absolutely isn’t talked about enough in comics?

Chemistry.

The Joker is a fucking genius at chemistry. Dude makes his own Joker Gas, various joker bombs, and other forms of chemical warfare that he repeatedly uses on Batman and the citizens of Gotham City.

If you really wanna fuck with the plot and everything, maybe Joker was an anonymous endorser for the Fentons who are trying to figure out the chemical composition and possible artificial replication of ectoplasm.

Joker helps them in their studies and even comes by to assist on their research. One day he has a request: Raise his child. He knew that Maddie and Jack wanted another kid but we’re too afraid of the possible repercussions of a fetus absorbing harmful ectoplasm radiation in utero.

The Joker’s request wasn’t out of kindness. It was out of mania and a well thought out plan to prank this couple for all their hard work.

He injected the child (is it actually Joker’s? Is it just a kid he stole? Honestly you can choose cause both are pretty to par with how he acts) with the Fenton’s first batch of synthesized ectoplasm. It was a failure but still had some odd qualities that were akin to the undead goo. This sludge would later be known as Joker Venom.

This child will grow up and become his ‘son’. Insane and filled with a green tinged madness that couldn’t be controlled that those who afflicted would fully embrace their madness. (Ey yo this could actually be pretty sick for Dan.)

The child that Maddie and Jack agreed to take in and raise as their own had a corrupted madness hidden inside his heart. Any experience of great grief would cause this madness to spread through his entire being and change him forever.

[not-another-robin]

alfred for the character thing im curious! failing that then cass <3

AAAAH MY TWO FAVES <3 I'm gonna do both but Alfred first!!

favorite thing about them

The dadliness of COURSE it's the dadliness. The general idea of how loyal to a fault he is, that he dedicated his life to taking care of this boy he cared for so much, and his family growing in turn, I just cry. I have so many emotions about how underrated Alfred's angle in the whole found family thing is - PLUS I think he has so much potential for emotionally resonate backstory and parallels with Bruce because of that. Do not test me I will break into DC and MAKE THEM let me rewrite Alfred's backstory

least favorite thing about them

Predictably from the last thing I hate it when he gets written as too stuck up to the point of fucking Bruce up even more as a child. Generally the idea of not allowing Bruce to be a kid when he's lost so much just makes me really sad, and I hate any timelines that involve Alfred OR Bruce hitting the batkids in any context :( listen I'm just a big baby I'm hear for camp not abusive family dynamics

brOTP

Oh my god so many. Him and any of the batkids - all of them have excellent dynamics, Dickie literally calling Alfred his best friend is my favorite thing. And of course I love him and Bruce's dynamic, these fuckers have had 1 (one) friend (each other) for going on two decades they are a bizarre little pair. Pure same guy syndrome I love it. Also of course Martha Kent!!!! I <3 want <3 them <3 to <3 be <3 best <3 friends !!! They go on vacation together, they gossip about love triangles in the league, they share casserole recipes, they kick ass. Adore them.

OTP

OUGH I will die on the hill of the Alfred, Thomas, and Martha polycule. I have an ungodly amount of thoughts about their shared history and positive impact on each other's lives and negative impact on each other's reputations but they got through it together,, making the Wayne deaths hurt like hell is my favorite pastime ♥️

nOTP

Only the obvious bat ones, I don't really have any grudges against run of the mill ships for him. Maybe him and Leslie Thompkins? I like to think Leslie is Lesbian, and I think they're coupling is always kinda forced and weird. They are mlm/wlw co-parenting solidarity

random headcanon

He has a passing interest in fashion, costuming, and sewing. He had a lot of fun helping Martha with her outfits, hair and makeup and it was one of the small things he missed when she passed. He was very excited when girls started joining the batfamily (and when dick had a more adventurous sense of style than Bruce). He wears the same thing every day but his kids will look good dammit

unpopular opinion

As funny as it can be (That "I raised a man too soft hearted for this world, luckily my mother can't say the same" post always makes me HOWL) , I really hate the whole 'alfred likes guns' thing. IDK, at least to me he'd have similar hang ups about it as Bruce, his best friends and his child's parents were killed my gun violence, I just can't see him staying into them. I like him better with swords

song i associate with them

Hmmmmm Happy Days are Here Again, especially with this montage from the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. The end of this song gives me panic attacks in a good way <3 it's nostalgic and beautiful but also like. Very scary and urgent. Since I associate it with this scene it always gives me those panicked vibes of life getting increasingly more fucked up, like per say, starting as a butler for a loving idealic family, having them get murdered in front of their son, and ending with 9 vigilants on your hands

favorite picture of them

I cannot say enough how obsessed I am with tiny Alfreds in the tnba comics. Also not really a pic of him but honorable mention to "Alfred youre being goofy"

[morganbritton132]

I'm sorry if I'm overstepping but will you tell us more about bruce meeting five and trying to adopt him into the batfam??

I’m going to assume that this is about the Batman/Umbrella Academy thing I wrote a few months ago about Five popping in and out of Gotham when he’s asleep. I’ve posted a few other things about the Batfam meeting the Hargreeves so if this is about something else. Sorry.

I never had enough of a coherent plotline to write an actual fic so this may all be nonsense.

I think Bruce would become obsessed with both Five and the mystery of it all. It’d keep him up at night, especially because he can use it as an excuse to not deal with his grief about Jason.

There’d be a file on Five with a bunch of cute little picture of him asleep in Bruce’s arms, reports about his age and when he appears, and a list of names that Bruce thought fit him. Only Tim has actually read the file, but all the Batkids are a little jealous of this twerp. They all know if Bruce manages to get this kid to stay in one place for more than a couple hours than they’re going to have a new sibling.

No one is saying that there is a room set up at the manor for Five, but there’s definitely a room set up for Five at the manor. It has dinosaur themed bedsheets because Bruce likes to project.

The first time the Justice League hears about the kid, it’s when Bruce is trying to find a way to stop him from disappearing. Half the team is convinced that this kid doesn’t exist and Bruce is haven’t a psychotic break but then one day, without a single alarm being triggered, there’s suddenly a small boy asleep in the Watchtower. Clark is the only other witness to the boy completely vanishing.

It's actually Jason’s suggestion that Bruce should stick a tracker on the kid to see where he goes when he disappears like a month after he calls truce on murdering Tim. It’s actually insane that they didn’t do that in the first place. Bruce sticks a tracker in Five’s pocket when he reappears again (with a bruises on his arms that look like they came from octopus tentacles). It also disappears when Five disappears and they can’t trace it.

When the boy appears five or six in age, Bruce never sees his without equations written on his arms or in folded papers stuffed in his pockets. He often writes them down but he can’t make heads or tails of them. Lucius tells him that the equations look like a combination between quantum mechanics, astrophysics, and molecular biology. He calls it scientific gibberish. Bruce shows it to Barry one day, and Barry says it looks like some variation of some aspect of the SpeedForce (because speedsters can go back in time and change timelines and Five can do that too so I feel like that’s related).

Reginald is aware that something is going on.

He has cameras in the kid’s rooms and he monitors them in their sleep so he definitely notices when Five disappears in the middle of the night. Reginald immediately has Grace sew a tracker into his pajamas and sometimes Five is blinking away to the kitchen or the training room, or somewhere in the surrounding neighborhood, but occasionally, he’d disappear completely, tracker and all. Sometimes it’s only a few minutes, a few seconds, sometimes it’s longer. It’s most intriguing.

Reginald has a few theories on where Five is going when he goes off the grid, but Five is unaware of this happening at all which, to Reginald, shows an almost intolerable grasp of his powers. Training gets harder and Reginald pushes harder, and he finds a correlation between the two. He can almost predict when Five will go off grid.

Reggie runs some experiments. He makes Five where a watch to bed after a hard day of training and Five is so exhausted that he doesn’t even ask why. He blinks away that night and when he reappears a few minutes later, the watch is three hours ahead. This is the first time, Reginald floats the idea of time travel to Five, setting in motion of a rough 40-ish years for Five.

Then the apocalypse happens and it keeps happening, and then their dad unadopted them and they get asses kicked by the Sparrows. Luther wasn’t wrong, there is a part of Five that does want their dad to fix everything. He is so exhausted and running on fumes, so when he jumps them to somewhere safe, they end up in not only a different timeline but in a different universe. This conversation plays out word for word:

Jason: Your dad got a new family? And I thought that we were dysfunctional

Diego: At least we never tried to kill each other

Klaus: Weren’t you arrested for murder?

Diego: Not of one of you guys, and I was wrongfully arrested.

Luther: You were arrested for trying to kill Lee Harvey Oswald too

Diego: That’s not the point. We never tried to kill each other

Allison: Viktor almost killed me

Luther: Five tried to kill himself. His older – younger self.

Viktor: All of you tried to kill me

Luther: You destroyed the world. Twice!

It doesn’t look like they’re going to die immediately so Five is not going to figure any of this shit out right now. He is going to go to sleep for twenty-four hours and then he is going to steal the Batmobile (Bruce is mentally filling out the adoption papers right now). Both families get on like a housefire (in the sense that it’s concerning) and Alfred gets rooms ready for each of them.

Five does sleep for twenty-four hours and only Klaus seems to think that it’s weird that the weird broody goth man always seems to be ‘checking in’ on him. Bruce and Five end up talking to each other quite a bit because Bruce seems to always be there. He fears if he takes his eyes off this kid again than he’ll disappear.

None of the Hargreeves are known for their observation skills so none of them notice until someone makes a joke about Bruce’s adopting problem, but Bruce is trying to ‘dad’ their brother into becoming his son. That’s definitely what’s happening because Bruce let’s Five drive the Batmobile and when he’s called out on it, Five is furious because he’s older than Bruce.

[lanternwisp]

Hi! So, i'm gonna do the thing: i'm going to battle through the fog of fear and take on a Jason centric batsemble fic and since your batmfam is my favorite rendition i was hoping you might have some hefty characterization tips for writing the rest of the batkids? Specifically Dick, Damian, Cass & Tim and of course the Batdad. Anything you've got to offer would be greatly appreciated!

Oh my. Well first of all, congrats on your new undertaking! Character interpretations are very subjective, but I’ll tell you some basic points that I personally keep in mind.

Dick: Something fandom often forgets is that Dick is a lot like Bruce. He’s incredibly responsible and very occupied with the Mission. He’s far better adjusted when it comes to his parents’ tragedy, so it’s not so much about fighting back the bad in the world but about protecting the good. Dick is what Bruce is most proud of in his life; he’s canonically  Batman’s heir as the world’s second best detective as well as Bruce Wayne’s legal heir for the company. 

Fandom often turns him into a goofball or a ditz or someone who is extremely easygoing, and that is inaccurate. Dick’s chatty and tries to pick up Bruce’s slack in terms of emotional labor in the family, but that doesn’t mean he’s not incredibly serious about the work he does. Speaking of emotional labor, he will try to be there for people but does not like it when others try to draw attention to his own insecurities. His temper is cosmic and he will go for the throat if it means getting someone to drop an issue.

Damian: I am perpetually side-eyeing the jerk sue direction DC has started to take Damian in. I’ve made posts about Damian’s character here and here but the gist is that he’s still a kid; he’s in a constant process of learning new things and unlearning old ones. He’s proud but has insecurities, educated beyond his years but not a genius, wants approval but his social skills are incredibly terrible, is a bit spoiled/sheltered but gaining more practical life experience everyday. He shouldn’t be leading his own team imo, but working under a mentor and being guided through all these changes he’s going through.

Cass: Fandom likes to claim that Cass is some pillar of perfection, and it’s so not true. She’s a complex and nuanced character, not this dutiful, loyal, stoic asian daughter archetype. There have been many times she’s chafed under Bruce’s overbearing ways and rebelled/given him grief. She’s far more expressive, emotive and mischievous than fandom gives credit.

Cass makes mistakes. She acts on impulses. She defaults to violence in ways that are very understandable and shouldn’t be erased. She also understandably doesn’t like being controlled or confined. Her ability to read body language does not substitute social skills and she can have a hard time realizing that her loved ones (notably Babs and Bruce) can be wrong - if she reads that Barbara is upset about Dick, then bam that’s all she needs to know and she’ll throw Dick out a window. If she reads that Bruce believes it when he says Jason and Steph were too reckless to be vigilantes, then she can’t discern between truth and Bruce’s truth. 

But she also loves hard and works hard and is completely dedicated to helping others. Bruce has pretty much usurped Cain as father figure, and Cass has replaced Cain’s philosophy with Batman’s. But Cass also considers Barbara her mother figure, so Bruce and Babs should be depicted as basically having shared custody of her.

Tim: Ookay so people here know that I am not happy with the way DC handled Tim. His origin is built on classism and victim blaming and I’ve got Opinions on it. But a main thing that I like to emphasize is that Tim is a very hard worker; he’s not a natural athlete but he puts in the time and effort. 

A lot of the time Tim seems to be out-of-sync with other people’s social cues or emotions. He also has the tendency to fixate and obsess over specific concepts, and there are many instances of him doing things that are hurtful or cross boundaries, with seemingly no idea he’s doing it or the severity of his actions (cheating on Ariana, trying to clone Kon, the debacle with Tam and her dad, etc).

Tim is not an academic! He hated school and was happy to drop out. He’s a great researcher that is capable of parsing important details from large amounts of information, good at pattern recognition and skilled with technology. He’s like Barbara in that he’s highly valuable to have as mission support, but he’s not going to any fancy universities nor would he want to. He’s also not interested in corporate (he dreaded helping his father with Drake Industries, and his role in Wayne Enterprises was isolated to an offshoot charity project). He’s a nerd and a slob (seriously have you seen how he lives?) who cares most about his vigilante work.

Bruce: The thing about Bruce is that he’s a man of action, not words. Meaning he will show he cares through gestures, but then he won’t explain those gestures, leading to a mess of misunderstanding as people try to figure him out. He often does not do this on purpose. Miscommunication is a driving force behind most of the batfam conflict where he’s concerned. 

Ever since Jason died Bruce changed, becoming the paranoid and constantly vigilant mess we know today. Bruce can be an overbearing ‘my way or the highway’ person, to no one’s surprise. He’s always been a control freak, but that took it up to eleven. He loves his family but demands their obedience so that he can eliminate risk factors to their wellbeing. He’s an anxious man with the stubbornness of a thousand mules. His coping skills are terrible and often self-destructive or self-sabotaging in some way.

But he does also have a sense of humor, can be ridiculously dramatic and Extra, and doesn’t take himself totally seriously (he’s dressed like a giant rodent ffs) despite how stoic he is. He goes overboard with his Mission, but family is incredibly important to him - his parents’ deaths are what began his journey, and his kids are a huge part of its continuation. Bruce is just kinda inept at expressing it.