#also i won't lie...something else you posted inspired a thing

[leclercsluvs]

MV1 | Songs of a Healing Heart | smau

part 1

an: did i disappear for like 2 months? yeah. is this what i meant to post first thing back? no. not really tbh. also time stamps are not important. also the timeline does not exist in this universe, i'm including some things that's happened irl (emails i can't send), but that doesn't mean i won't use earlier songs (on purpose). also it has been some time since i last wrote something, and my first language is not english, so this isn't perfect <3 fc: sabrina carpenter pairing: max verstappen x fem!reader warnings: swearing, a spoiler for chicago fire (a character death, i will also be reminding you, when it comes, so you can skip that one post it's honestly not that important to the story) inspired by: i can do it with a broken heart - taylor swift

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, & 1.936.203 others yourusername guess who’s single again and guess who has an album coming 🥳🎉💃🎊🎈🎀

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user1 OMG OMG OMG NEW MUSIC NEW MUSIC WHO’S THE HEARTBREAKER???

user2 this is gonna be my fav album of ALL TIME ❤️ by author

maxverstappen1 who hurt you?

yourusername shut the fuck up ❤️ maxverstappen1 never 😌 danielricciardo wow max, really shooting your shot nicely hm maxverstappen1 shut the fuck up ❤️

yourusername

liked by georgerusell63, charles_leclerc, & 1.016.358 others yourusername *aggressively writes songs* >:)

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georgerussell63 why do you need to do it aggressively?

yourusername because why not?🤷‍♀️ georgerussell63 because aggression is not the answer 🤨 yourusername says who? >:( georgerussell63 says max yourusername that’s a lie.

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, & 1.398.244 others yourusername guess what’s finally here! to everyone asking, i’m doing fine, don't worry.

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charles_leclerc okay so there was definitely more than one asking if she’s fine, who else did?

maxverstappen1 i did danielricciardo i did landonorris i did lewishamilton i did yourusername you all did 😑 oscarpiastri like everyone??? 🤔 yourusername as in everyone on the grid, even a few not on the grid anymore. the next one asking, will be feeling my greatness. logansargeant if that’s a threat, max should be the next one asking maxverstappen1 what the fuck

yourusername (chicago fire spoiler)

liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, & 2.542.658 others yourusername this idiot forced me out of the house (i was very busy and comfortable watching chicago fire) and now i’m at the track?????

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maxverstappen1 you’re welcome

yourusername i’m not thanking you. i’m fine maxverstappen1 then why were you crying? yourusername uhm because otis just died and he was a good character georgerussell63 SPOILER WARNING??? OTIS DIES?? yourusername oh whoops yeah he does. very sad. very cryable.

charles_leclerc max is right yn. you need to get out a bit more.

yourusername aww charles defending his boyfriend

user3 yn is hanging out with the drivers???

user 4 well yeah. she and max have been friends for quite some time now. she's been to a few races as well user3 woah how did i not know?? user4 she kept a low profile because her boyfriend (or ex) didn’t really want it to be too public. she did take photos with some fans but asked of them to not take photos of her and her bf. how the paparazzi didn't catch them is a mystery to me.

maxverstappen1

liked by landonorris, yourusername, & 2.990.363 others maxverstappen1 isn’t she cute when she’s being sad in the rain on top of your car so you can’t drive her home?

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yourusername now why would you post this? :(

maxverstappen1 because you got yourself sick. yourusername that’s not a good reason danielricciardo because he loooooooves you maxverstappen1 shut the fuck up daniel yourusername shut the fuck up daniel

user5 max and yn having matching responses to daniel saying max loves yn is super cute imo

alexandrasaintmleux i would never post pics like this of you 💕

yourusername we should leave them and go live happily ever after 🤭 charles_leclerc you do know we can see your comment right? alexandrasaintmleux oh so you can see? 🤨 charles_leclerc I SAID I’M SORRY

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri, & 1.207.087 others yourusername oh? had a lovely dinner. thank you anonymous man.

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maxverstappen1 looks cozy 👀

yourusername definitely enjoyed the company 🙃 danielricciardo i feel like there’s secrets here 🤨 yourusername like what?

landonorris looks a little like max

oscarpiastri what if it was me? then i would be hurt by this statement :( landonorris well you and i spent the day together yesterday  so i know it’s not you.

user6 okay but the power duo that is max and yn

user7 if it is max

user8 if he makes her happy i guess that’s great? ❤️ by author

[lightfeltmemories]

toge inumaki; general boyfriend headcanons

note: my first work related to jjk, and i can't lie, i like the funny cursed speech user he's a cutie, so, here are some sfw mainly fluff headcanons if he was your boyfriend, if he's ooc i apologize, don't chew my asshole a new one i'm new here. (some of my headcanons are also inspired from some i saw on tik tok), requests are open for any jjk character (yes, even mahito) if you want to see more content like this.

tags & warnings: mentions of period products.

to start, since he can't exactly speak, it's going to be difficult to speak with you, so, if you manage to snag his phone number things will be a whole lot easier for the both of you, and thus, gives him the confidence to ask you out (please say yes.)

someone like panda or maki will probably let you know beforehand like a "yeah he likes you" or something.

but once you say yes, you'll have pretty much contemplated on whether or not you've found your soulmate.

he likes getting active with you, playing sports and such, even if you're not the best at it, he still sees it as a form of bonding and quality time, may or may not get a bit too competitive sometimes and you will cry if he wins too many times.

you are not exempt from his trolling, if anything, you're more susceptible, he won't do anything too over the top though, just some lighthearted fun the both of you can enjoy.

is definitely the type to send a meme to keep the convo going, and a reaction image when you say something that calls for the right opportunity to send it.

loves cuddling and watching movies or youtube videos with you, mainly the latter,

(over text) calls you babe or baby, or even a weird nicknamed variation of your name, doesn't mind if you call him bro since he'll do the same to you.

not the jealous type, unless someone says something to or about you that makes you uncomfortable (uses his cursed speech to tell them to shit their pants), isn't very controlling either, doesn't care about what you wear out.

but this doesn't mean he won't let people know you're his, such as walking beside you or hand in hand.

posts you on his instagram, he's insanely cheeky and cringe about it too, a picture of the two of you together at a carnival and the caption is "my world" or something of that nature, straight middle school cornball shit.

he also has loads of pictures of you... doing whatever, he may or may not have snuck a picture of you sleeping once or twice, he couldn't help it, you were cute.

if you were to ever ask him the question "would you still love me if i was a worm" his answer would be a sarcastic "no."

doesn't let you steal his food.

is the type to ask "what size is your pussy" when he's going to get tampons/pads for you, probably much to your annoyance, he also doesn't have much shame in doing it, either.

he's very protective of you, and wants to keep you safe.

mixed on pda, he's affectionate but not shameless about it, he'll give you a kiss on the cheek, a peck on the lips, or a hug.

when looking through his phone he doesn't have much going on, and definitely doesn't text anyone else romantically, he doesn't even like selfies of other girls, that man is loyal hands down, and expects the same for you.

he cooks for you sometimes, but can also teach you how to if you don't know how.

doesn't care much for gender roles.

doesn't mind being big spoon or little spoon, as long as he gets to sleep next to you.

loves seeing you in his clothes, with your scent tied to it and all.

likes going to parks and fun events with you.

he definitely wants to marry you one day, not too sure on kids, though.

he loves you more than anything and you know that. :)

[sunflowerandstrawberryspice]

Songs the Ninjago Fandom is Sleeping on.

Okay so while I do art there's only so much my chronic pain ridden hands can produce and so animatics/animations aren't really in my wheelhouse BUT I have a bunch of ideas and songs that the Ninjago fandom should use + some ideas that yall can totally use (@ me or send them to me though if you do cause I want to see them)

The Songs in question (it's be song-artist btw):

Always Gold-Radical Face: Is literally a perfect song for Wu and Garmadon, like it's literally about two opposite brothers treading wildly different paths like what more could you want

Brutus- The Buttress: Yall please I am begging that someone does something with this song relating to Morro's hatred/jealousy towards Lloyd because this song is absolutely perfect for it! Lines such as "-and if you want I'll call you king but why do I lie awake each night thinking "instead of you it should be me"" and "Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy, I to have a destiny" there are so many more but I'll let yall do the rest of the work (Also you could kinda do it with Wu and Garmadon but ehhhh)

Human Enough- ONR: This could work for multiple of the characters if you ask me but if you ship anyone with Zane or Pixal the song could totally work those two them specifically cause it talks about the singers partner/love interest being "made perfect" and idk we need more Pixal content soooo. Honestly any of the characters that get de-human-ed (for longer than one episode) would do great with this song, like Cole in his ghost arc, Nya after Seabound or Garmadon at like any point in the story. Line examples: "Cause you are made of perfect stars and I was built from broken parts" and "I'm not human enough to love yo right now/ I'm not human enough to cry or cry for" are my personal favorites.

Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)-Will Wood: Lloyd, Sora or Wu (Specifically the young version of him from the Spinjitzu Brothers books) song about the weight of the world being on your shoulders and not knowing what to do and like the consequences of actions and fun stuff like that

Easier- Crane Wives: Misako, like seriously so many Crane Wives songs work well for this woman because A) her whole attempt to change destiny or B) Her failure as a mother and you know the whole kinda cheating on her husband thing, but this one specifically cause it's a song about leaving someone behind and feeling bad while also not being able to stay. Lyrics such as "If you woke and I was gone from the house that we made our home would it bend yo, break you, overtake your heart?" and "I won't move but I can't stay here. So what the hell am I supposed to do?" and "If I were someone else, would this be easier?"

Stranglers Fig- This could definitely be a Cole (specifically relating to his father and dance backstory) or Kai song, many of the lyrics involve someone being pushed to do more and more and finally snapping because they've done everything they can and there's nothing left but their desire to be better. Lyrics "You bult your kingdom around me, now I'm trapped within your walls and all I want is to be free" and "Climb me to the canopy, higher, higher 'till there's nothing left of me." and "You're the culprit so don't blame me."

And that's all for tonight cause I'm tired BUT I will be posting a couple more of these cause I have a bunch of these floating in my brain and I'd love it if some of these idea's inspire people. I really wish I could do it myself but chronic pain is a bitch so instead I'll throw it out for yall to try out! Anyways I hope you have a great day/night! Peace out!

[fang-and-feather]

Ikemen Vampire - Jean x Pureblood! Reader

Written for the Country Radio Challenge by @candied-boys, inspired by the song/prompt Turn and this kind of party we have around here, but I guess this started to lose itself a little, the focus shifted... It's hard to focus when writing Jean's POV at such a point in a relationship... I plan on writing a more focused second part but I won't finish it this month so I am posting what I have now

Words: 1410

Jean sighed. Why did he agree to be there?

The trip he had agreed to because Comte somehow convinced Mozart to come. But from keeping his friend company on a plane trip he was afraid of, to agreeing to help Leonardo help these people organize a party… How did it get to this?

But he knew how. It was because of you. He just hated it.

Or maybe he didn’t actually hate it. He was just sure that was the wrong thing to do. He couldn’t just chase after you like this, but he felt like it was beyond his control.

Someone like him didn’t deserve what he was seeking. Everything you represented. But as much as he tried to distance himself, you weren’t just chasing him; you were step ahead, waiting.

Jean didn’t understand why you gave him so much attention, but from your first encounter, you were trying to approach him, and slowly turning his world upside down.

A part of him wanted to hate how your simple presence turned him almost into someone else. Made him the person he thought he shouldn’t be. That he didn’t deserve to be.

You could turn a rainy day from a hated experience into a sweet adventure as you dragged him through the wet roads to your favorite cafe. Turned his despair into hope as you countered his explanations of why he wasn’t someone you should associate with, as if you knew what you were talking about. You turned ideas he never understood into something that made sense, or that he was eager to learn about.

With a single smile, you turned his will to push you away into the desire to stay by your side. The wish to believe every word of praise and reassurance you ever gave him.

And after all that, with simply walking past, you had his head turning to watch you, like many other people. You stirred something in him and turned his thoughts into a shameful mess (especially regarding what beautiful legs you had, which brought up quite sinful ideas).

How could you turn a monster like him into such a lovesick fool? Because even his most sinful thoughts came because he was in love with you. He couldn’t lie to himself any longer.

And this party… Trying to keep his focus on the tasks at hand was so difficult with you so close and so often moving through his line of sight, although you hadn’t stopped to talk to him yet.

He watched you offer to help other people who struggled to keep the booth not far from where he was working up, watched you help the kids both to make and put up little paper flags and flowers, watched you test the games booths, showing surprising dexterity.

And he watched as you helped the kids with their traditional clothes, fashioning the girls’ hairs and helping a few of the boys combine shirts and hats or properly button or buckle up their clothes, sometimes even adding some face painting, with fake freckles or mustaches.

Jean didn’t understand much the tradition behind these things, but he was fascinated watching you go through all these motions.

You also helped some find pairs for the dance later. And right now, he was distracted from his task, watching you go through a last practice for said dance, patiently helping a couple of kids who had joined later to catch up.

Your eyes met his as you took a break, and you smiled, walking up to him.

“Couldn’t help but notice you can’t take your eyes off me, parceiro.”

“Sorry.” Jean finally looked away 

“Oh, I don’t mind. Not when it’s you.” You winked and extended a hand to him. “Would you give me the honor of a dance, sir?”

“I don’t know how to dance.”

“But I’ve seen you practice with a sword. You have good feet coordination. Besides, I’m already teaching the kids. I just want a partner for a demonstration, and I would like it to be you.”

If you had to dance with someone, he would also rather it be him.

“I don’t think I am the best person for this, but I would love to join you, if you are sure you want me to.” He took your hand.

“Well, the kids are on a break. Let’s get you properly dressed up first.” You dragged him away.

The clothes felt strange at first, but they were not uncomfortable. The hat was the only thing that would need more getting used to.

“You look perfect, cowboy.” You approached as he walked out of the changing room, adjusting his hat and the collar of his shirt. “Well, you’re always perfect. But looking like one of us kind of suits you.”

It was when you stepped back that Jean realized how your clothes matched in colors and patterns. The blue and white checkered shirts, his just a darker tone. The decorations on the pants pockets and the belts’ buckles. The major difference was the ribbon tied around your hat.

“Did you choose these clothes to match yours?”

“Would it bother you if I did?”

“Not a bother, but why would you? Matching clothes is something couples do, right?”

“And some families, but yes. But you are my dance partner tonight and I… I watched you watch ma all day, but I wasn’t the only one watching you. Sorry if this bothers you. Someone as old as me should be more mature than that, but maybe I wanted people to think you are mine, if only for tonight.”

Were you jealous? Why? And what did you mean by “someone as old as you”? How old were you?

As Jean tried to sort his thoughts around these questions and decide what he should or shouldn’t ask, and if he really wanted the answers, you stepped closer again.

“Jean?”

You looked so worried, almost as if you were going to cry, and it made his heart ache. Still, it took him a moment to realize why.

“It doesn’t bother me.” He reassured. “I just don’t see a reason for you to be jealous. We have known each other for less than a month and I am going to return to my country in a week. You have other friends who are better company than me. But although you came by as Leonardo’s friend, you spent most of your time while we were here with me. Why? Why do you care so much about an ugly monster like me?”

A part of him knew the answer, but he found himself unable to believe it without heating it from you. Although another part of him didn’t want to hear. He knew he wouldn’t be able to run away from your light anymore once he couldn’t deny the truth anymore.

“Because I already told you a lot, and will keep saying it as long as you are in my life. You’re neither ugly nor a monster. You were kind to me even when I frustrated you. You protect me, even though I didn’t need you to, but not because you thought I wasn’t capable of protecting myself. That’s just what you do. You helped me with the kids and they loved it, as awkward as things started. You are here, even though you don’t often get out and interact with people. I have other friends, yes, and I love them, but I couldn’t think of better company. You… I love you in a different way than I love them. I actually fell in love with you.”

Even though he knew, hearing the words made him freeze for a moment. Or maybe it was the rest of the words. You were always countering and praising him, but there was something different about you listing facts like these.

He wiped away the dampness on his cheeks, tears he didn’t notice until then, and just like that one night he protected you, the night things got out of hand, he pulled you into a tight hug.

Jean had no idea how long you stayed like that until he found his voice and his resolve.

“I love you too.”

After a while longer, you returned to the party, hand-in-hand, only to find the kids waiting for them.

“Oh, are we going to have a wedding?” One of the girls immediately asked, giggling.

“Not yet.” You laughed, ruffling her hair. “Now let’s get you back to practice, okay?”

Tag List:

@natimiles, @bicayaya, @tele86

@nightghoul381, @2-lines-and-a-circle, @eventinelysplayground

If you want to be tagged/untagged on future writings, even if it's in specific contents, you can reply to this post or send me a message

[anas1pet]

TIPS

Carry yourself like you're skinny, even if you're not thus has helped me lose weight and the one day I didn't I gained weight. If you carry yourself like you're skinny you'll trick your brain and start losing weight faster for example

"Can you hand me-" wait but skinny girls would just get up and get it so follow with the "never mind I got it"

"Can you make me-" they'll put extra calories in it and you need the steps "never mind ill make it"

Eventually you won't ask anymore

Walk like your skinny too, this fatty lazy walking isn't burning calories walk like a model fast, and confident

This also tricks other people in thinking you're confident with your weight and body so you can keep losing and losing and no one will notice and if they do "oh I'm trying this new diet for tiktok" then post a video of your before and after results and pick up some random healthy diet but keep it consistent when someone asks what diet you did remember the name

"What diet did you do?"

"Oh I did the keto diet and a couple chloe ting workouts you should try it! It was really fun!"

Keep making up different diets you're "following" and when you get through them all stick with your favorite as the lie

For the Ana's that keep a notebook buy two of the same notebook in one you'll write down your actual ana foods and all your pro ana stuff and the other write down a normal food and an inspirational quote or something normalish

For my girlie that love a good bath (especially ones that that's your only escape from your family like me) limit it to one bath a day or week and for the rest showers only sitting/ lying down is not gonna burn calories but if you're the kind that takes multiple baths a week slowly take it down so nobody gets suspicious and that way you'll build a habit keep the number of baths a week you have in your journal (ana journal for previous tip) that way you'll know when you've taken a bath and when you've showered

Ana's in highschool if you can't drive walk if possible if you're like me and live somewhere where walking home isn't an option walk other times like to the end of your road and back for me I walk 2 streets over to the river then I walk down the river well on weekends since I have kids or walk to the store if there's one by your house they just built a dollar general by mine so if possible I will be walking there

I'm a hypocrite about this next one but so is everyone else don't weigh yourself every single day once a week is good just makes sure not to weigh before you use the bathroom, after you eat or after you shower it adds up instead find a pair of jeans that are a size or even two sizes to small and try them on every day until you can wear them I'm currently a size 12/14 and I do this with a size 6/8

To my Ana's in college (this one is me) if you live on campus take the opportunity and walk/jog probably don't run you don't wanna go to class sweaty and smelly but you do you or if you're college is like mine and all your classes are in the same building lie to your family about your class times and go to the park or the gym after class I prefer the park bc it's beautiful and there's usually nobody there (this goes for highschool Ana's that have a car too say you're going to a friend's house)

Strict families/make you eat at the table you already know the napkin rules but one thing a lot of people forget is to fake chew when you "take a bite" and then spit it in the napkin don't chew the food that adds calories I read somewhere you take in almost a third of the calories from chew and spit so don't chew the food purposefully get some on your face get a napkin wipe it off and spit the unchewed bite into the napkin now here's where it gets a little gross don't put the whole napkin in your pocket just the food (unless it's like rice or something that can fall easy) this way you can use the same napkin again. If you're forced to go out and all they have is the napkins they put the Silverware in this especially works for that and you'll get lucky If you park beside the bushes bc then you can feed the animals your pocket food make sure to walk in the back when doing this so no one sees always wear laces and make sure one is untied when leaving the restaurant and stop to tie it while you do that throw the food as fast as possible before anyone notices also everyone knows about the cut and push don't do this eith finger foods at a restaurant tear it don't cut it with a fork DONT FORGET KETCHUP IS YOUR BEST FRIEND don't get any mayo based condiments (ranch, honeymustard, bbq) only ketchup or steak seasoning (0-25cal per tbsp)

Workouts, either wake up before everyone or go to sleep way after everyone nothing happens over night so try and slowly change it so you're not exhausted do an hour workout for this point (I do a flexibility stretch followed by a chloe ting then a Pamela reif cardio) then you can weigh then shower and say "oh I just woke up" ALSO DO THE WORKOUT IN YOUR PAJAMAS that way if they ask why you're sweaty/stink tell them you get night sweats and try and wake up before everyone to shower bonus points for if you have a thick blanket

Start picking up extra chores again little by little so nobody suspects anything and they think you're just being helpful if they notice you haven't eaten tell them you got distracted bc you like cleaning that way the house is clean and you're losing and they think you have an amazing new Hobbie all though it turns you into the "clean freak" of the family just battle that with the "at least I'm not a slob"

I hope you stuck around this long bc I just had a great idea!!! Meal time you sit eith your family at the table you spit your food into the napkin, it's winter/fall or just straight up cold in your house you have on a big sweater/hoodie under that sweater you have a fanny pack this way your pockets don't get bulgy and the sweater hides the pack half way through the meal (occasionally) say you have to pee or something "I drank way to much water I'll be right back" or something along those lines empty the fanny in the toilet and flush

I've been doing these for 9 years and they've really helped me and the only one in my family that knows is my husband and that's only bc I told him in highschool (I've had this since I was 11)

[kotelok16]

What was your thought process for your post canon SDR2 designs for each character, if you’re able to divulge?

The thought process? No thoughts in this head, a perfect emptiness-

Okay, seriously, I'll try to describe it briefly, because there were a lot of thoughts in the process. But the post will still be long xd

1) Nagito and Mikan. I really wanted to make them simple and cozy outfits. They are just the usual calm (haha...) married couple, you know? Their designs have been around for more than a year, although I did redo Nagito's home clothes, I categorically did not like the original version. I can tell you in secret that Mikan's home clothes was inspired by Hitomi character from Ai Somnium Files.

2) Hajime is a pretty simple guy, even if he has experienced experimental surgeries from the academy. Therefore, I didn't think too much about his outfits, everything is simple, convenient, without bright accents.

3) Hiyoko. I really like the way her design turned out, I won't lie. I tried to leave Asian motifs in her everyday outfit as well, since in this story she is a teacher of traditional dance in her hometown outside Tokyo. And as soon as I came up with the idea to make her kimono monochrome, I immediately ran to do it, because the combination seemed very interesting to me!

4) Ibuki. I couldn't decide whether to reduce the degree of insanity in her image. She's a grown up woman, after all. As you can see, in the end, crazy colors and combinations in clothes won. It's Ibuki, damn it! Although it was difficult for me to find references, because I still did not understand the name of the Ibuki style. I mean, it's not really a scene kid or a similar direction... As a result, some kind of mixture of different options came out. The main thing is that there are massive cool shoes, yahooo!

5) Akane. I wanted to give her a comfortable sporty style, so I was looking for something appropriate. It's pretty simple. And in her work clothes, I couldn't resist putting on high-heeled shoes for her, even though it wasn't very comfortable... But it's convenient to step on someone- okay, I'm kidding.

6) NEKOMARU NIDAI. I suffered. I suffered a lot. I don't know how to draw pumped-up men. But that's half the trouble. I had no idea what to WEAR to PUMPED-UP MEN. That's why he wears a little sporty, a little plain, something like that. But it seems to me that Nekomaru would not dress too fashionably? So whatever.

7) Mahiru. The woman is strict, demanding, restrained in style, so she dresses appropriately. I don't know what else to say.

8) The Imposter. I really wanted him to look so cozy, so that you would want to fall into his arms and feel in them that all your problems were left somewhere far away... And glasses! I don't know, I just wanted an Imposter with glasses!! Well, he's such a comfortable guy((

9) Peko. I also wanted to dress her quite strictly and restrained, like Mahiru, but with a little more... What should I call it?.. Freedom of expression? Manicure, bright shoes, unusual jacket style. Peko is no longer an instrument, but a personality, so I wanted to show exactly that she expresses herself, albeit in her usual restrained manner. Something like that.

10) Kazuichi... Um, well, did I make him homeless?? And did people like it?? I felt so guilty while I was doing his design, it's a nightmare. But in general, yes, he looks a little wild, because he lives 24/7 in a workshop on the outskirts next to an uninhabited destroyed area. From there, he drags all sorts of funny things from a landfill, so that he can make and experiment with them later. Inspired by Phoenix Wright's design from the game Apollo Justice.

11) Gundam. I wanted to make him such a modern vampire Dracula. Gundam is still on his own mind, but just much more restrained and majestic, or something. And damn long hair, I love drawing long hair for men TOO much. And yes, he has work clothes for work at the research center. He's a bit of a scientist, a bit takes care of animals.

12) Sonia. I wanted to highlight her by the fact that she looks younger than the others. I don't know if it worked out, I still have difficulties with the transfer of age in art. I don't have any clear definition of what was in my head when I created it. She's just a fashionable, well-traveled (because of work) woman in the prime of her life.

13) Fuyuhiko. He is... Yakuza... And I do not know what else to say. I was just trying to make him look like a yakuza... And he has long hair... that's it, bye.

14) Teruteru. For some reason, I aggressively wanted to give him a stereotypically French image. I don't know how it turned out or didn't work out, I don't know why I decided to do it at all, but the man looks stylish. I also couldn't stop thinking about that one character from the third Phenix Write game, who was just a stereotypical Frenchman and owned his own restaurant.

A bonus. Kageshimo (son of Gundam and Sonya) is strongly associated with the Little Prince from the fairy tale by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

[bloomingpresent]

Ferro Rosso Chapter IV

Pairing: Charles Leclerc/Female reader digital artist older woman

Summary: on your mids 30’s you never imagine you’d be divorce. To help with the healing process you decide to return to you first love: digital illustration. Posting videos of your art online leads you to work for Ferrari. But you never thought it’d lead you to find somebody that’s going to bring you back to trust again in love.

Warnings: NSFW! 18+, explicit sex, penetration, swearing, protected sex, REVERSE AGE GAP. Minors do not interact.

Disclaimer: This chapter is long, mainly because I wanted to lay the foundation for what's to come. Inspired by the photos of Charles in the test days in Bahrain. He looked tired and sleepy all the time. English is not my first language. All errors are mine. Enjoy!

You can find the other chapters here in my Masterlist

That last swallow of coffee felt like a bomb in your stomach.

It wasn't just what you were seeing, but also the way that made you feel. The situation had been made clear last night: "Friends who work together and have sex." You agreed to that, you accepted it. And you were upset with yourself because what you were seeing was bothering you. So basically this was your problem.

Would you do the same? Would you appear hand in hand with your partner in front of the person you are having sex with? All you knew was that you were upset, and hearing your coworkers gossip about it was not doing you any good.

You finish your breakfast as quickly as possible, trying to put on a perfect facade. You don't try to catch eyes with him either. Inside you were trying to figure out how to deal with this.

Those feelings you didn't miss at all. This was supposed to be your time, with no commitments, and no complications about love or sex.

You leave the room with all your coworkers, and out of the corner of your eye you see that he is a few feets away, but you avoid looking at him.

The road to the circuit was not long. But for you it was like a journey within yourself: "If he only wants this from me, maybe he will have it, mainly because it's what I want too. But I won't make it easy for him, I won't mix my feelings or overthink things. And if he gets tired, I'll go back to being the same as always and just focus on not having complications."

You mentally sign that agreement with yourself.

The days are intense at work. The pre-season is hard for everyone. For you because it is a new job and you are learning a lot. Charles has behaved very professionally, greeting you like everyone else on the team, and commenting on things only about work. He hasn't texted you, but you assume it's because he's actually with her now. You haven't seen his girl in the paddock. 

Once again you are reminded of the contract you signed with yourself.

You were at the coffee station in the hospitality area, making yourself a coffee.

"Hello stranger" you hear behind you. You recognize the voice right away.

"Hello Mr. Leclerc, what can I do for you?" you answer without turning around. 

Immediately he stands in front of you trying to see your face. "I don't drink coffee but  you can help me with something else." He bends down to search your eyes with his eyes.

Damn you Charles, it's not enough that he looks gorgeous, he smells fantastic too.

You smile in an attempt to hide your discomfort. "What you are doing is not right, it's not even fair" you answer with a serious gesture. If that's his game, that's what you'll play too.

His smile fades from his lips "Is there something wrong?" he asks you.

You want to scream everything at him. But you hold back "I don't approve of flirting while I'm working" you lie to him.

"Okay" he says, taking a step back "It's fair, it wouldn't be good for either of us."

"I could be fired, I don't know what consequences it might have for you," you say ironically, taking a drink of your coffee.

He notices your tone "What do you mean?"

You just keep a blank stare. "You wouldn't get fired for having an affair at work, you're the star here."

He can't keep his gaze on you "Trust me, it wouldn't be good for me either." he says as he looks down.

You just nod. Both of you look at each other in silence for a few seconds. Your phone starts buzzing in your pocket. "I have to go, they're already calling me" you start  gathering your things from the table next to you.

"When are we going to see each other?" he asks, winking at you.

"I don't have any complications, Charles, if I can and feel like it, I can see you whenever I want" you answer looking for something in your folders.

"Okay, shall I text you tomorrow? After the party, the race promoter is having. Will you go?" he asks.

"Sure I'll go, we're all going." You put on a smile as a facade, he doesn't know you saw him with that girl.

Everything in the test week is work, and he is just focused on that. So during the day they only talk to each other if they have to and in a very professional way.

The following night is the reception that the race promoter offers for the teams and part of the press. It's a good opportunity to catch up with the other drivers and people from other teams.

Bahrain is hot during the day but at night it is much colder. So the reception takes place in a large room at the hotel, where everyone gets together to share some drinks, listen to some music, and chat. It doesn't matter the colors of each team.

He arrives along with his teammate Carlos, his coach, and his agent. Immediately they meet the other drivers and people from the team. The night promises to be relaxed and fun. In some requisition of his mind was that conversation from the day before. But no more than that.

After a few minutes, he sees you in the distance. Laughing with someone while holding a drink in hand.

He follows you with his eyes in the distance.

He is also enjoying the evening.

"Lovers' spat?" Carlos tells him as he stands next to him looking in your direction.

"Asshole, you can't keep your mouth shut can you, and no, we haven't fought and we aren't lovers" he answers her by taking a drink from his glass.

"Do you really think I was going to keep my mouth after how excited you were to meet her when you found out she was going to work at Ferrari?" Carlos laughs as Charles signals him to lower his voice tone. "You spent a month watching her TikTok videos and talking to me about her while we studied in the preseason". The reason Carlos knew about you was not that Charles told him, but because Charles had already seen you before you went to work at Ferrari.

Charles just rolls his eyes at what Carlos tells him "It's complicated. I'm not able to offer her anything that interests her."

"Did you guys have sex?" Carlos asks. Charles nods. "Did you like sex with her?" Carlos asks again.

"You are so annoying, mate!" Charles answers looking where you are and continues drinking from his glass.

"I'll take that as a yes," Carlos laughs. "What the hell is the problem, Charles? You like her, sex with her is good. Go get her, the rest will work out along the way, and if not, then stop seeing each other and that's it."What Carlos says makes sense, after all, he was waiting months to meet you and now that you are there, everything is simpler.

He keeps looking for you with his eyes until you see him. Smiling at you and toasting the air with you in the distance. 

You just smile. 

After a while, you're chatting with Esteban Ocon, you've had almost no alcohol. So you're in all your senses.

Esteban, it’s a fun guy, he doesn't drink alcohol, but he's the center of the group you're chatting with. You realize that someone stands next to you while everyone is laughing.

"Charles, my friend, I haven't seen you these days!" Esteban approaches him to greet him with a handshake and a friendly hug. You don't even look in his direction, You just stand there. 

Charles greets everyone kindly and joins the conversation. An occasional brush of the forearm, a smile. It's all his interactions.

It is already a little late, everyone begins to retire to their rooms. You say goodbye to everyone, including Charles. You walk towards the exit of the room, it is dimly lit. You get to the elevator door and wait. You don't think about him trying anything with you tonight. Not if he’s with someone else.

When the elevator door opens, Charles appears out of nowhere next to you. "Can I accompany you friend?" he tells you, biting his lower lip.

You take a breath when you see him there "Yes, maybe I might get lost" you answer.

Both enter the elevator. You press the floor you are going to, and you turn your face towards him, and he is standing behind you "What floor are you going to?" you ask him.

He takes your hand and turns you towards him "I'm coming with you" he tells you and begins to kiss your lips. 

You can't help but lose yourself in his kiss. You kiss him openly. Hands all over each other’s bodies. The hot breath in each other’s mouths as you kiss without restraint. He pushes you against the elevator wall, kissing and biting your neck. He runs his tongue over where he had bitten you before, and you moan. You really want this.

"I want you," he tells you out of breath.

"Charles I want you too" you no longer think about anything. More than feeling his hands on your body again.

He mutters something in French that you don't understand. The elevator door opens on the floor of your room, before stepping out, you check that there is no one in the hallway. Both of you get to your door. "Aren't you going to get in trouble for not making it to your room tonight?" you tell him while you look for the card key in your bag.

"Don’t worry about it" he whispers into your ear from behind while his hands run all along your tights "I need this", his hands now grab your ass and give it a squeeze,  as you try to open the door. 

You enter the room staggering and trying to remove their clothes. Laughter and groans are mixed.

You feel strange at the feeling of familiarity that Charles's body causes you. Is it the sexual chemistry that both have? All you know is that you want to unleash all those emotions that being around him every day provokes in you and that you can't express freely.

"I've missed these lips," he says, kissing and biting you.

You unbutton his pants enjoying his kisses "Just my lips?" you ask, dropping his pants to the ground.

He throws the pants aside, grabs your forearm, he turns you around, and bends you down putting your hands on the bed. Your ass is at his mercy. "This ass..." he says, touching and caressing you, his pelvis in contact with your ass. "These breasts..." he says, leaning down, his mouth on your ear and his hands squeezing your breast through the fabric of your clothing. His groin rubbing against your ass.

"Mmm, that feels delicious" you throw your head back as you lean against him enjoying the feeling of his hard cock on your ass.

He moves away. "Take off your clothes" he orders you stepping back and watching you.

You get up and start to take off your shirt, you can feel his gaze. Then you take off your pants, sliding them down, giving him a glorious view of your ass from behind. Knowing that he is watching you is exciting for you.

Charles's pupils dilate in ecstasy. You are a vision to him.

You turn to him alone in your underwear "Is this what you want?" you are definitely excited, you can feel how wet you are for him.

"No," he says moving closer to you "I want all of you," he tells you and starts sliding your panties down. You can see his hard cock through the fabric of his boxers.

When your panties are on the floor, he starts caressing your legs from your ankles and up."I want your legs..." he murmurs while running his fingers over your skin. It gives you shivers. "I want these thighs..." he continues caressing you, working his way up. When his face reaches your neck, he bites mercilessly, slides his fingers between your folds, and gently presses your clit.

You jump slightly at the feel of his fingers, and your hips involuntarily move forward in search of more friction. "Fuck Charles!" You moan in pleasure and grab his wrist trying to get him to touch you even more.

He looks into your eyes "Tell me you like what I do to you" he tells you, his eyes sparkle with passion. His fingers are now moving in circles on your clit. 

You moan, you're at the mercy of his fingers, and you love it. "I love what you do to me" you whisper in ecstasy.

He turns to your neck "Tell me you love how I fuck you" his fingers now press harder and move faster.

Your body bends in pure pleasure "Oh I love how you fuck me Charles!" your moans are already louder.

His cock begins to writhe in his boxers upon hearing what he wants to hear from you.

He looks into your eyes again "Do you want me to fuck you now?" His fingers slide inside you now.

Your pussy is practically dripping for him. You moan loudly "Yes!" you manage to tell him when you feel his fingers move in and out of you.

That is enough for him to lose all the sense of control that he had over you until now.

He kisses you while taking off his boxers. He quickly looks in his pants pocket for a condom.

You are already completely naked on the bed.

He opens the condom while he walks towards you, he reaches the bed, and you come closer and take his cock with your hand and start to fist it, he is already dripping pre cum liquids. He moans saying something in French when he feels the touch of your hand.

You understand that he is enjoying it and you don't stop. "It looks so good" you tell him, studying his cock up close"I can't help myself" you say and you take it to your mouth without hesitation.

He could cum just with that, but he grits his teeth to hold it back and enjoys the sight and your mouth tasting his cock.

Not only is the feeling of your mouth on his cock it’s exquisite, but the sounds emanating from your throat are also intoxicating for Charles. "Doll you're killing me," he whispers as he strokes his thumb across your cheek as his cock moves in and out of your mouth.

You like that feeling, you like knowing that you have some control over his pleasure, it's something new for you. Having been with a few men before you got married didn't allow you to experience much. This is your opportunity to push your limits a little further.

It doesn't take long for Charles to ask you to stop "Stop, stop now, I want to cum inside you" he tells you with his breath hitching.

You want him to fuck you, deep in some corner of your being you have been waiting for him to do it again, even if you don't want to admit it to yourself.

You slide your mouth off his member out of your mouth and lie down on the bed.

He slides the condom on his cock and leans over to you. "Open those legs for me," he asks.

You please him without question, that beautiful man is a sight. Standing there looking at you with so much desire in his eyes.

He brings his cock closer to your folds and rubs with the tip up and down your clit. That makes you moan and spread your legs welcoming him inside you again.

He slides into you all at once with a gasp.

"So good..." you gasp and lean back on the bed and lock your legs around his waist, making him even deeper inside of you.

This is so intimate, you are face to face, looking into each other's eyes while he is inside you.

He takes your face in his hands and forces you to fix your eyes on him. He begins to move.

You close your eyes to the pleasure. "No baby, don't close your eyes. Look at me" he tells you. You have nowhere to go, he is taking you to sex heaven with what he is doing.

"Don't stop looking at me, I want to see you when you cum for me" he tells you and he places on hand on the mattress and rises above you, allowing him access to your clit.

"God!" you scream when he starts rubbing your clit and fucking you. He is breaking you apart.

Charles feels your walls squeezing his cock over and over, your moans and how beautiful you look to him while he's fucking you is what he was looking for. Disarm you and disarm him too. 

He hadn't wanted someone as much as he wants you. And is terrifying, something new, an older woman, with more experience than him. It was something he had never imagined, you caught him off guard, just when he thought he would spend some time just having fun.

You have no restrictions on verbalizing how much you are enjoying yourself. Your legs push him deeper into you, nails digging into his arms. His sculpted body in front of your eyes is a  visual treat. Everything about this sexual act is from another world to you.

"Please, I don't want to cum yet," you ask him about reaching your climax.

Charles stops "Why babe?" he says breathlessly.

"Take me from behind Charles" you say caressing his face.

His pupils darken with desire as he hears you.

 "Goddess" is the only thing his mind can elaborate.

You quickly turn around and get on all fours on the bed "Take me please, make me cum" if you had any restrictions left, with that phrase everything went to hell. You no longer had control of your sexual instincts.

Not much to say or think. He slides inside you all at once, making you cry out in pleasure, your hands clutching the sheets.

He grabs your hips and begins with a maddening rhythm, the friction of his cock inside you is unbearably delicious.

"So so good babe... this is so good... pussy so good" he says incoherently.

You reach back towards your clit and start rubbing it gently, you don't want to finish before him. But you know you won't last much longer.

"Baby, I can’t..." he tells you about to explode.

Then you start to fuck yourself against his cock, pushing back each time he enters you.

"Merde babe shit shit shit" he grabs your hips tightly, his cock twitching inside you.

"Cum Charles, I want to feel you cumming inside me" you order him with a broken voice, you can't take it anymore either.

"Merde, mon Dieu, beau, je te donne tout..." he moans and starts cumming inside you.

"So gooooodddd" you squeal cumming too, his cock feels so good cumming inside you.

 You both collapse on the bed. The satisfaction that runs through your veins is delicious.

"Shit! That was exquisite" he mutters with his eyes closed.

You are on your stomach catching your breath. "I'm broken," you say with a lazy smile.

Charles smiles and looks at you again, there you are with your eyes closed, post sex, “Glowing” He thought for himself as he watched you.

You feel just like that, glowing and floating in the air.

Is this how you should feel after amazing sex? Or is this something else?

You open your eyes and look at him, he is smiling at you "Maybe you should go back to your room".

"Why?" Charles asks, propping himself up on his elbows..

You doubt for a few seconds before telling him. "I saw you yesterday with that girl at breakfast, I know you're not alone" you say, biting your lips.

He looks straight ahead, as if thinking of an answer. Then he just gets out of bed and heads to the bathroom. You stay in bed, you put on your underwear, you're already regretting what you just said.

He returns to the room, looks for his boxer and sits next to you on the bed. "I want to be honest with you." He starts talking "I started seeing her a few weeks ago. We're not dating, we're not a couple. She's not here anymore." He tells you looking into your eyes. "If you think it will be a problem for you, just say the words and we can stop seeing each other. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

His honesty surprises you.

You take a deep breath "Thank you for your honesty." You really do appreciate his honesty, it's not something you're used to in your experience with men. "I don't think it's a problem for me." You say looking down "You mean I can see someone else too?" you ask tentatively.

Charles is taken by surprise by your question "Of course" he answers. At least at that moment he thinks it won't be a problem for him either.

"Okay. We have a deal then?" You tell him you offer your hand for him to shake.

He takes your hand, shakes it and then approaches your face and kisses you "We have a deal" he smiles at you.

What follows after that is hours of just sex. Some talk, but purely sex.

A few minutes before 6 in the morning, Charles wakes you up with a gentle touch on the cheek. "I'm leaving, I have training in an hour and I want to shower and have breakfast" he tells you in a sleepy voice.

You can barely open your eyes "Okay, thanks for letting me know" you smile at him sleepily.

He gives you a quick kiss on the cheek laughing "See you later firecracker".

You can hear his footsteps walking away from the bed and when the door closes and you go back to sleep.

The new deal between you and him sounds reasonable. But what if at some point the reason no longer takes part in this deal?

Smiling but sleepy after a long night

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[thorne1435]

I have been on feminizing HRT for one year.

I mean, as I write this, the anniversary is about 5 days away, but I'm queuing it for the exact day, so you will be reading this on my anniversary at the earliest.

I feel the need to say something either to inspire other trans women to go get HRT (seriously go to Planned Parenthood they'll just give you hormones, no referrals. it's great. the informed consent model really saved my life), or to document my changes for pseudo-scientific purposes (this isn't a valid scientific source or anything, I just like to be open about it for information's sake). Either way, uh, let's talk about it!

This post isn't going to be strictly not-safe-for-work or anything, but because anatomical topics are often seen as NSFW, I would read this as if it's a smutfic, if I were you.

Obviously the first big change that everyone thinks of is breast development. I'm not gonna lie to you here, it's not like I got D cups, but I started at the age of 19 so it's not going to be phenomenal for me either way. With that knowledge in mind, I'd say I made out pretty well. I don't know exact sizing or anything, but it's noticeable to the point where I actually have to go out of my way to hide them when I am trying to present as a man around people I can't be out to. I can tell you that I was wearing a padded bra to pass better at work when they hadn't grown yet, and I'm at the point now where they are naturally the size that the (relatively dismal) padding had made them. So that's gotta mean something. I still don't have a lot of the vocabulary that a cis woman would have to describe these things yet, so uh...that's all I can do for you, as a description.

The first change that I noticed, though, was actually within the first week or so, which almost makes me think I hallucinated it, but I remember distinctly being shocked that my skin was already way softer and clearer, which is bizarre! I don't actually remember what it felt like before, but obviously I did at the time, and it was rougher, I remember that much. Not the case anymore! It's such a small detail that it can very quickly fade from your memory entirely, and that's kind of inspiring to me, even though I know it won't work that way for everything else, it's just nice that some parts of my boyhood are just gone forever (as long as i stay on the hormones).

The big change that might discourage some women from getting hormones is genital shrinking. And as I understand it there aren't many ways to avoid that, because suppressing testosterone just has that effect on the male body, but based on my early experiences with the reduced sex drive that is also present when you suppress testosterone, ask for Progesterone when you get started, because it helps a lot, especially with some of the more socially-inconvenient aspects of your hormonal change. There are also some T-blockers that supposedly don't have this issue, like for example Bicalutamide, but if you're going to get Bicalutamide, you're going to be on the standard, "years of referral and bureaucracy" tract, so...y'know, don't hold your breath on that one, it'll take you a long time. I'm fine now though. About a month after I added progesterone to my treatment plan I was back to normal sex drive and everything was fine. Of course, what I mean to say is that the shrinkage has stopped because of the return of my sex drive. It doesn't work that way for everybody, and I thought for sure it wouldn't work that way for me, but if you end up being like me, you could probably minimize the collateral by just asking for prog outright instead of waiting like I did.

Smaller change that makes me infinitely less suicidal and demoralized: my body hair has changed colors! That should be enough of a reason for every transfem to go out and get HRT right now, I mean it! It's so relieving. I remember when I was, like, "Officially Trans" (at least at work) but not on HRT, I used to get distracted by how my arms looked, especially when I was sitting in the sunlight and it was obvious, because the darkness of the hair felt so disgustingly masculine to me that it made me think I had no hope of ever passing as feminine to anyone. And obviously that was wrong: I was able to pass as feminine without hiding my arms at least once or twice before HRT (though to be fair I did not try often). But regardless of that, the fact that I don't spiral into anxiety and self-loathing every time I'm in the sunlight without a coat on anymore is probably the best change so far, all things considered. And I grew tits! So that's saying something, I think.

This body-hair change doesn't apply to my beard in quite the same way. I always had a really good beard as a man and a lot of people liked it and thought it looked great (I did not shave often enough I looked terrible, but I did kinda make it work I guess), it was a deep orange-red color which has now brightened out to that vague off-white blonde, pseudo-translucent color that your smaller peach fuzz hairs have. There are a lot of upsides to that, but there are some limitations to the effects. For example, even though I don't have to worry about stubble as much, when I don't shave it's still fairly noticeable if you're looking. The texture also hasn't changed, it's still very coarse. And this is a source of some dysphoria for me personally, because I don't like that I have a beard at all. Nothing to be done about that, of course, and I sort of think that's a "for good" thing? Even if I had the money for hair removal procedures a lot of them only work if you are pale-skinned and dark-haired, just for physical reasons. At least, last I checked. And while I am very pale-skinned I am not dark-haired. And, well...that's fine, it's whatever. It's fine...I'll just shave forever i guess its cool...its...its whatever... no its fine really im fine. its okay. im fine.

its fine.

Another good contender for "best change so far" is the mental and emotional change. I feel feelings now. I haven't done that in a long time. And it's kind of a rough transition to make, actually, because now I'm reacting very emotionally to things and I really haven't figured out how to cope yet. It's like I'm doing everything that I was doing before but now it's not a performance, it's just an actual innate response and honestly, it's really hard to control. I guess I'll have to work that one out over time. But I would take "Emotional" over "Dead inside" any day. I wish I'd done this sooner, for that reason alone.

Fat redistribution is a bit hard to measure because I've never really had much fat in the first place, but my coworkers told me that I was developing a more feminine silhouette, and that was about a month ago, maybe two? So, I guess what I'm saying here is that you should probably get a friend to look you over every month or so if you're really worried about this change, so they can tell you that you've developed child-bearing hips or whatever else you're looking for. This fat redistribution is supposed to apply to your face as well, and that's something that makes you look more feminine when you've been on HRT for a long time, supposedly. I find it really hard to notice, personally, because I always had a really thin face. And since I wore a thick full beard throughout all of my adolescence, I don't actually know what my old facial structure was, that well. I do think it's gotten thinner. But for me personally, I think that's made me look a little worse. Ya win some, ya lose some. Bitches be ugly sometimes, that's fine. beauty is subjective. It probably won't work that way for most anyone else, it's just I always had femboy-face. Too bad about my beard really, I could've tapped into a market there if I weren't so fucking hairy...anyway what were we talking about?

On the subject of hair, something has been happening to me that is not supposed to be happening according to a lot of the research I did before I sought HRT out. I'm noticing that small patches of my beard aren't growing at all, especially on the sides. I've also noticed similar effects on my leg-hair. That is, 100%, not supposed to happen. As I understand it, based on all the information I could find, HRT cannot undo changes. It can cause changes that haven't happened yet, but once something grows in, no matter what it is, it usually can't go away naturally. I'm not complaining. And, transgender HRT is a very sparsely-researched field as of yet, so maybe this is just something we don't know about, or something about my body chemistry in particular, IDK. I'm not a doctor.

Anyway, that's it. That's my little HRT anniversary journal. If I'm still on tumblr on 7/22/24, I guess I'll do this again. But I have no idea where I'll be in a year.

I hope this is insightful for someone. And I hope that when I look back on this, I either cringe or I cry. Because that means I'm growing up still. (see, that line? that's the one i'll cringe at.)

[meirimerens]

Geniune question how do you draw so much? I really admire your work but I have such a hard time not getting constantly hit with artblock I wonder how you do it.

i'll begin to tell you that being unemployed and out of school does help. won't lie! the art you see posted here is part of a bigger pattern of Making Art (for portfolio-related reasons & whatnot) so i'm always. Makin Art. i'm fully focused on Art for the better or the worst. second disclaimer is that i hyperfixate and not in a fun teehee enjoyable way - when i start a piece, i will neglect getting enough sleep or feeding myself well until i see it finished. this is not healthy, and while it is part of how i Draw So Much, it's unsustainable for you as much as it is for me. do not fret if you can't Churn Art Out like i do - you're probably healthier off this way. i'm trapped in cycles of Arting and when i stop drawing or writing get get genuine physical symptoms of restlessness, my limbs itch or ache, i pace a lot, i have racing/disordered/cyclical thoughts, like Not Fun. tldr i pray To God You Don't do it like i do.

now some actually helpful tips lol:

have multiple things going on at once. it might seem counterproductive but not being hyperconcentrated on Art allows for your mind to get inspirations from multiple areas. that might be having a job, being in college... for me it's having both personal and fanart on my plate among other things. - i've found that art block can come when you try to cram too much art at once, a form of burn-out, a psychological bottleneck; it's like constantly pulling on the reins of a horse, it will get used to the pulling, and you cannot out-strength a horse, nor can you out-block artblock. when i'm not drawing, i'm writing, listening to music, checking out movies, traveling (even on small scales): all of that feeds into my art, it's all inspiration fodder. when i'm writing, i might write a line which i think would have a banger foundation for a scary image, and the scary image appears to me. new idea!. - don't force yourself to draw, you cannot out-block the block, do something else and inspiration will come.

artblock can often comes when your ideas/desire to draw outdo your current skills, which is a Very, Very common issue, especially if you're improving fast. identify what you're struggling with, and take the time to study it, even if it's just for 10 minutes. full focus, nothing else going on. i also have on my phone entire folders will of references, typically "how to draw [bodypart]" refs, some art pieces i find are visually striking and inspiring, pictures for poses, etc. - if you're struggling with backgrounds, try to trace a picture as study, then reproduce it without tracing, just with it as a visual reference. watch tutorials on how to paint a landscape, or how to understand perspective. - if you're struggling with anatomy, try to do some live poses studies on quickposes, line of action or something of the sort. - something else that has helped me tremendously is anatomy for sculptors PDF. it's pretty expensive but you can find it online for free. wink wink nudge nudge. it breaks down all the muscle groups on the body and gives you a better understanding of the way the human body moves. invaluable resource imo. it's very thin-centric though, so i'd recommend pairing it with like. google search [how to draw fat on a person], [body type you want to draw] and pairing it with the knowledge in the PDF. if you're pudgy or chubby or fat yourself you can use your own body as a reference ain't nothing wrong with that and see how the anatomy underneath reacts with the different levels of body fat or muscles. - i also have saved a tab for head angles ref, light on a face 3d ref model, and the pose tool. the pose tool has collections of live drawing pictures for both clothed and nude, in different poses (sitting, reclining,...). it's also very thin + young-centric (mostly for the women, how curious) & a number of the female poses are eroticized/male gazey but I Grit My Teeth And Bear It. i use them in application with the anatomy knowledge i learned from mentioned above, etc.

something that might seem counterproductive but works for me is that I Hoard WIPs. this makes it so that if i'm not fuckin wit a piece i'm working on and it's frustrating me, i put it aside for a little bit and go work on something else.

preddy much it... tldr I Do It in unhealthy, hyperfixated ways that if i catch you reproducing i'm coming to your house and hitting you wit a stick, however there are a few things that help me power through artblock, namely I Be Studyin What I Draw, i keep these mfer thangs [my refs] on me, and i find inspirations in multiple areas of life.

GOOD LUCK SOLDIER

[writergirl3]

4 Town As Songs I Shamelessly Loop

What it says! I've been feeling way more inspired after my week-long trip away. I dove back into my playlists and came up with this idea. Thanks for anyone who's still stuck around after my sorta hiatus. I'm gonna be updating more often again!

Enjoy my absolutely shambolic music taste and look out for more content soon 🧡

Robaire;

Vision of Love - Mariah Carey

'You treated me kind, sweet destiny! And I'll be eternally grateful, Holding you so close to me.'

Something about this song just screams 'Robaire' to me. The mix of slow jam sensuality and jaw-dropping vocals is so on brand for him.

This song is a classic and I could definitely imagine Robaire singing this either before fame in a talent contest or as a solo artist later down the road. Let's face it, if anyone can rival Mariah's whistle tones, it's Robaire.

Jesse;

Whatsername - Green Day

'I made a point to burn all of the photographs. She went away, and then I took a different path.'

So, I personally hc Jesse as being an ex member of the alternative rock scene. He went through many phases, but his grunge/punk time was one for the books. And like any good punk rocker, he still loves Green Day.

The chilled, mellowness of this song is reminds me of him, too. That and the lyricism, the theme of leaving a romantic interest in the past. I feel like he'd have related to this song with the mom of his kids. He'd definitely have had some long drives blasting this song, screaming out the lyrics as the melody builds.

Aaron T;

Don't You Worry 'Bout A Thing - Stevie Wonder

'Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama. 'Cause I'll be standing on the side When you check it out.'

My God, this song is T to a T. The Latin American flavour, the garbled Spanish in the intro, the upbeat playfulness. It's all him.

Plus, we know T is a supportive friend and S/O. He has a positive outlook on life, and he definitely passes that on to his loved ones. Bolstering them up to take on life's challenges while waiting in the wings to support them through it all.

Aaron Z;

Lavender Haze - Taylor Swift

'Staring at the ceiling with you, Oh, you don't ever say too much. And you don't really read into my melancholia.'

I won't lie, this song gave me inspiration to do this post in the first place. Something about it reminds me of Z. Maybe it's the purple aesthetic, the sombre beats, the whole vibe of giving no f*cks. I don't know, it's all just very Z.

Plus, I feel like he's a night owl. Finding peace in that time of the night when everyone else is asleep and he can let his imagination run wild. Part of him comes alive at that magical midnight hour, and that's what this song is all about to me.

✨Bonus ✨; In the modern AU, I hc Z as having a fat secret crush on Ms Swift. T's definitely planning an embarrassing encounter between them at some point.

Tae Young;

Intro; Persona - BTS

'Persona, who the hell am I? I just wanna go, I just wanna fly. I just wanna give you all the voices till I die. I just wanna give you all the shoulders when you cry.'

I know, I know- picking a K-pop song for Tae-

Buuuuut, I genuinely feel like this song is so Tae. It's all about discovering yourself through supporting those you love most. As I hc Tae as bisexual, and we all know he's the youngest, he's still growing into himself. But he has so much love to give, and the members and 4 Townies see that.

Also, this song is super rogue but honestly such a bop. It's catchy and a lil feisty, and we know that Tae isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

---

Musing Meaninglessly Masterlist

[nepofm]

*     ꗃ      event  unlocked   . . .   SUPERNATURAL  AU  !

hey  upper  east  siders  .  do  you  wanna  know  what’s  more  exclusive  than  being  part  of  the  upper  echelons  of  society  ?  yes  we  know  ,  some  of  you  get  the  best  education  money  can  buy  .  others  simply  have  legacy  status  with  your  ivy  league  college  of  choice  .  jumpstarting  your  career  based  on  nothing  but  connections  .  and  the  working  class  is  doing  EVERYTHING  they  can  to  make  it  .

but  that’s  not  what  i’m  talking  about  .  no  this  is  something  else  .  another  world  that  exists  and  exceeds  the  status  of  the  upper  east  side  .  one  so  EXCLUSIVE  that  not  even  a  quick  call  to  your  parents  can  solve  anything  .  and  hiding  in  plain  sight  .

the  real  opportunities  lie  here  and  i  know  some  of  you  will  stop  at  nothing  to  try  and  get  there  .  these  creatures  hide  in  plain  sight  .  posing  as  humans  .  making  backdoor  deals  .  some  leading  high  profile  lives  .  but  they’re  willing  to  get  down  and  dirty  to  make  things  happen  .  far  lower  than  some  of  you  are  willing  to  sink  to  in  order  to  get  your  five  minutes  of  fame  .  so  the  question  remains  .  can  you  stomach  this  world  ?  

SUMMARY

for  the  month  of  october  ,  this  event  will  be  a  supernatural  au  where  the  current  time  and  place  is  the  same  .  the  plot  of  the  group  is  also  the  same  where  it’s  focused  on  the  upper  east  side  residents  and  those  associated  .  TO  BE  CLEAR:  THIS  IS  STILL  A  RICH  KIDS  RP  .  nothing  about  your  muses  have  to  change  .  this  is  an  opportunity  to  show  how  your  characters  would  be  in  this  setting  and  way  to  get  those  creative  juices  flowing  if  you  so  desire  .  any  changes  (  or  not  )  you  make  to  your  character  in  this  au  is  up  to  you  !  please  feel  free  to  be  as  imaginative  as  possible  .  

A  GOOGLE  DOC  WITH  ALL  THE  BASIC  INFORMATION  ON  WORLD-BUILDING  &  LORE  CAN  BE  FOUND  HERE  .  this  doc  is  here  to  serve  as  a  hub  for  this  event  and  to  avoid  making  an  already  long  post  even  longer  .  it  is  MANDATORY  that  you  read  through  this  doc  to  determine  how  best  to  proceed  with  your  muses  for  this  event  !

OOC  DETAILS

out  of  character:  this  is  a  full  length  event  !  the  duration  is  three  weeks  ,  starting  on  friday  ,  october  13th  at  12:00  am  est  and  will  last  until  sunday  ,  november  5th  at  11:59  pm  est  .

in  character:  this  is  a  dash  only  event  .  all  characters  will  be  supernatural  creatures  (  of  your  choice  )  for  this  au  !  you  can  view  this  pinterest  board  for  event  inspiration  .  

event  participation  is  MANDATORY  .  a  total  of  10  points  will  automatically  be  applied  per  muse  from  our  points  system  .  we  ask  that  all  non-event  related  events  be  suspended  or  DROPPED  for  the  duration  of  the  month  .  the  dash  should  only  consist  of  threads  taking  place  during  the  event  .

EDIT:  we  understand  that  this  may  not  be  everyone's  cup  of  tea  so  if  you'd  like  to  opt  out  your  character(s)  from  this  particular  event  ,  we  will  put  them  on  pause  for  the  3  weeks  .  meaning  ,  your  blogs  will  stay  followed  and  remain  on  all  character  pages  .  they  won't  be  included  in  activity  checks  as  you  won't  be  playing  them  for  the  allotted  time  .  so  if  you  wish  to  do  this  ,  PLEASE  MESSAGE  THE  MAIN  BEFORE  THE  START  OF  THE  EVENT  .  otherwise  we're  going  with  the  assumption  that  you  will  be  participating  .

please  utilize  the  #nepofm.supernaturalau  tag  for  any  event  related  posts  be  it  muse  outfits  or  starters  .  feel  free  to  share  your  muse’s  outfits  in  our  ooc  discord  channels  as  well  !

nepoupdates  will  be  interactively  involved  in  this  event  .  muses  can  send  in  anonymous  (  or  not  )  tips  to  the  gossip  blog  .

once  the  event  is  over  ,  you  may  continue  &  finish  the  threads  from  the  event  but  please  do  not  start  any  new  ones  !  if  you  decide  to  fade  to  black  plots  for  event  ,  please  leave  plotting  updates  for  nepoupdates  .

finally  ,  this  event  is  100%  about  character  &  connections  development  as  well  as  fun  for  both  muses  &  muns  !  if  you  have  any  questions  ,  please  don’t  hesitate  to  reach  out  to  admins  on  main  or  through  our  #questions  channel  on  discord  !

[glewmie]

how do you dare be so cool? and weird?

genuine questions.

i am trying to become braver. and braver also esp when i strike others as uncool and not-fun-nor-easily-digestible -type of weird.

and also to dare to go after the cool and weird things i think i cannot be or do. but i still struggle with even thinking to do any of it, cause i often don't think I even can.

also your practical effects I love practical effects practical effect is lovely and cool and is going on my fave posts ever lists. because of what you created.

and it's like. you did that and thats awesome and so smart and creative.

the tools you used to do it might be simple enough (like print out paper with the text, and put it onto a thicker thing, set it on fire, film it with a phone and make a simple gif),

but the fact that you actually Had the idea and then Also went on and full on did your idea And created And posted it. that's. that's very cool and weird! and i love it!

did you fight with yourself as you created that? did you fight yourself with other things?

like. oh that idea is so silly/whatever word that pops in your head that might not even mean to be judgemental but that might make you not want to do it, and then not do it?

like a lot of people can look at something someone did or made and say "i could do that too" but they might say it with completely different intentions or tones or meaning. often, sadly, it's demeaning.

or anyway, comes across that way?

and idk, i think i feel i was used to being demeaned that way.

and now i am the one to demean myself that way so no one else will.

i am even struggling to continue writing out this ask cause i think i am probably being hugely bothersome by even Thinking of writing this ask to you and sending it.

i think i am going to go anon just so you won't feel a need to reply to it, or that i demand a reply.

but i do want to tell you, you know, you are cool, and weird, and that is cool?

and ask you. how do you do that?

and is it effortless? and is it ever? no matter if it looks like it?

eh fuck it. have decided on not going anon again.

this ask i am sending is pretty cool i think afterall. even if it's very long and very sudden to send to you. i just felt very inspired by you and all the posts I've seen today and all the people. and i just feel like i have to see if this 'effortless' thing is a huge lie I still am buying somehow.

and you helped make one of the top 10 coolest posts of the century, that at time of writing this, has 32 k notes. and at the time of you commenting your thing, had 1100 notes (as you said in the tags of it). it should have more. it probably will.

and so i think you're an excellent person to ask.

It takes a lot of effort to make something look effortless! The pieces that came together were the skills I accumulated, e.g. how to safely set something on fire, how to film and create gifs, etc. These were things that I cultivated over time, not overnight. When I first saw the post, I had to check to see if anybody else has already made a practical version of it. When I saw that no one had, I knew I could be the one to do it. The thing I'm turning over in my head a lot now is how I could've done a better job, but the point was to find the intersection beteween effort and comedy. I coudld've spent extra time on cutting out the letters individually, or even getting it printed out on a color printer, but instead I posted what I posted. Just have fun and be yourself. We all make concessions to participate in society and community. Figure out what you're not willing to compromise on, and let the rest just go with the flow. I don't think any of this is especially helpful advice, but I hope I answered your question.

[ahleezeruinavt]

The Vtuber Community Greatly Suffers From The Worst Aspects Of Its Inspirations.

You may be going "Ahleeze- what do you mean by that? The Vtuber community markets itself as this amazing place where you can portray yourself as whoever and whatever you want!" Yeah- that's more or less a lie. It's an accepting community so long as you don't criticize it. And that's primarily because of the fact that the audience and culture that vtubers as a community have adopted are all the absolutely worst aspects of it. It's a weird amalgamation of anime, idol, gaming, and content creation culture, but all the worst aspects of it. I'll try and break it down as I go so it's a bit less of a scrambled post of thoughts.

Also, just a disclaimer, of course this doesn't apply to everyone, it's just some observations I've seen in my time as a vtuber and the issues that are prevalent in the community.

Anime Community - Obviously since most vtubers have an "anime" style to them, it was bound to attract people who were interested in anime. More importantly, people who now had "2d Waifus" they could actually interact with and give money. However, there's a reason why some people won't touch anime fandoms with a ten foot pole. There is a LOT of bigoted anime fans. Transphobic, homophobic, racist, misogynistic, you name it. All of them are especially prevelant in those communities. You can see it when people make black edits of characters. You can see it in One Piece and Guilty Gear discourse (you know the ones). You ESPECIALLY see it when a woman happens to know literally anything on a subject and corrects someone. A good example I've seen is the JJBA fandom shitting on Jolyne for shit literally every other Joestar has done. Like- they're quiet when everyone else did it, but Jolyne does it and now all of the sudden its a problem.

Same thing happens to Vtubers. If your model / you:

Doesn't pass the paper bag test

Isn't super thin

Don't have breast that breast breastily

Isn't a literal child in appearance

Don't have a deep enough or high enough voice

Doesn't match your voice

Openly LGBTQ+

Openly fight for the rights of marginalized and oppressed groups

Talk on literally any social issue

You're basically in for a world of annoyance and trolls almost 24/7. And that's from both Vtubers AND Vtuber fans. Look at literally any corporate Vtuber's fans when they get crticized for something. Watch how fast they are to attack LGBTQ+ people and POC over daring to think a negative thought about their 2D anime waifu. There are plenty of POC who are vtubers and get NOTHING but hate comments and deal with absolutely unfair treatment because of the anime fans that also happen to overlap in Vtuber communities.

Oh, and don't get me started on if a vtuber dare says "lolishos DNI". Because people will get in a fucking TIZZY over how their waifu is actually 90000 years old and its a-okay to like them! That's also just an unfortuntate byproduct of anime culture that seeped into Vtubing. Especially when there are vtubers who call themselves "lolis" and openly make lewd content.

There's also the weird pressure people feel to have Japanese names and that's sparked a lot of discourse in the community. Also that some people end up being offensive by using westernized depictions of Japanese culture to seem more "anime".

Idol Culture - A lot of the words Vtubers use ("oshi" for example), are taken from idol culture. However, it's been time to ditch the "idol culture" since the whole thing started. It's cool to want to be a vtuber who does stuff like sing, or do concerts, but so many have twisted it into this weird competitive space where parasocial relationships thrive. God forbid you set up a boundary, talk about a social issue, or post a selfie.

For those that down know, vtubing used to (and still kinda is to some people) about "immersion". They want to watch the dommy mommy demon queen be seductive and everything else on stream. Once you ruin that immersion, some people get annoyed, others get pissed. And for no reason other than it's breaking the "immersion" that so many vtubers use as a sort of marketing. It's a lot of online personas. And getting people to fall in love with those online personas. Some people feel pressured to "play nice" and allow people who make them uncomfortable in their communities because of the fact that if they say something about it, then they're "cutting off their community".

Then there's the absolute obsession with being entirely "unique". Look at how many orca-themed vtubers get called Shylily wannabes. To the point they've had to unfortunately ban the other streamer's name in their chat! Or dog boys that get called Shxtou wannabes. Hell, I've seen guys called wannabes for just having the same COLOR SCHEMES. And it doesn't help that other vtubers will start pointing fingers at each other. Whether it's for clout or because they geniuenly think their concept can be the only one in the space. I saw discourse over someone's friend deciding on the same NAME as them.

Content Creation Culture - This is more about the constant push that vtubers say you need to do in order to be succesful. Constantly saying you need to spread yourself thin across every platform that you possibly can. Upload content everywhere. Constantly make content even if you're tired. It's exhausting, and leaves disabled peopel out of the conversation most of the time. Even then- it still pushes non-disabled people into burnout.

On top of that, it promotes being mean to each other because people are rewarded for that in engagement. Creating drama allows people to get attention, and constantly promotes "any publicity is good publicity". On top of that, it constantly switches the roles of what's a serious issue and whats drama. Things like sexual assault and harassment is considered drama when it's called out, but when someone traces emotes it's the most serious issue in the world and needs to be talked about for the next month. The same drama and discourse is passed around every week like it's a new thing, meanwhile actual issues are pushed to the side. They also conveniently coincide with each other. Women talk about men abusing their power and status in content creation? Suddenly the new big talk is about how men are treated horribly and they need more love and support since they are the few against the many in vtubing. It's the same cycle over and over.

Someone posts a really shitty take, everyone responds. That person gets a shit ton of engagement. They get discovered from it. They find more shitty people to join their audience. It happens over and over again and people fall for it every time. People pit entire communities against each other because they know it will get traction. All the "vtuber news" channels you see are just reskinned drama channels that barely add any substance to what they're "reporting" on, but they build their entire fanbase upon it. They don't even have the decency to censor names and then shrug when people come to them saying they're being harassed. There's entire channels based on harassing others and vtubers and people see it as normal. But engagement and "exposure" is supposed to be a good thing.

It also pushes others to be nasty towards each other and fight each other for the spotlight. It just sucks and people constantly try and treat it like a good thing.

In conclusion, the vtubing space isn't all people market it to be, and they will hound you down if you criticize it because "that's what the space has always been". That or you're brushed down to wanting attention and it's just so annoying that people tend to ignore all this to "keep the peace". Women can't speak out or else we're called clout seekers. POC can't speak out or else they're called attention seekers and drama-causers. LGBTQ+ people can't speak out or else we're making everything about ourselves. And you certainly can't criticize the corporate Vtubers or else their entire fanbase will come and likely get your account suspended.

[kirapen]

Thorns and Roses

Summary: "I love you."

She didn't.

"I love you too."

He wished he didn't.

Characters: Sebek Zigvolt, Original Female Character(s)

Tags: One-Sided Attraction, Sebek's being haunted by His Demons, (a girl he kinda likes), Not Beta Read

A/N: I honestly should have had someone beta read this for me

Something I wrote back in October of last year. I originally wasn't going to post it because by the time I'd finished it I had decided that Sebek wasn't a one-sided love interest but a member of a four person polycule with Lottie, Silver and Skully. The lore I've made for that polycule to work is nothing short of "Random Bullshit GO!" and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

This piece as a whole is inspired by the TRIGGER song Baratsuyu and Suffering from EPIC

That strange creature is in his dreams again. The strange silhouetted figure that haunts him every night. How painful it was to see, as if he wasn't awaiting its presence like a dog at the front door.

"Hello Sebek." Its light voice echoes through the dark, empty space they occupy. It spoke as if it were harmonizing with itself and echoed across nothing.

"Hello, Charlotte."

Truly, Sebek doesn't know what else to call it. Despite the creature having a silhouetted appearance, it was easy to identity who it was mimicking with it's long, low twintails that curled into a spiral at the ends, and the ahoge that curled backwards on top of it's head. The voice it had claimed was also hers. The grating, irritating, sweet and melodic voice he loved so much.

The creature steps forward towards Sebek, like it always does. It moves around as if it were gliding, similar to how a merman moves through water. This place, these dreams where its territory and Sebek is their prey. It wraps its arms around his neck and pulls him close. Sebek keeps his composure long enough to resist the gnawing urge to wrap his arms around it in response. It's always a losing battle in the end, but he believes himself stronger than his desires.

"Did you miss me?" It whispers in his ear with a girlish giggle. Every word it speaks feels like a hammer to the skull and an arrow to the heart.

"Yes."

He can't find it in himself to lie.

The creature pressed itself closer to him. It feels like a real person, one made of flesh and blood and not something that belongs to the shadows. Sebek can feel every curve of the creature's body, the fold of every fabric and the tickles of every hair. The only thing keeping him from believing this is Charlotte and not a creature created to haunt him is the lack of any scent. Charlotte's hair smells like honey, her skin smells like roses and she likes to wear a perfume that smells like fresh berries and tangerines.

As long as the creature has only claimed three of his senses, Sebek won't allow himself to fall into delusion.

"I missed you, you know." It started playing with the ends of Sebek's hair. A gentle scrape to the back of his head through gloved hands sent a shiver down his spine. "I always miss you, when I can't see you."

"You see me every night." Sebek's attempts to nip the bud fell flat, like it always does. If he allowed his delusions to take over, he swears the creature was pouting.

"It's not the same." It whined, snuggling itself closer to him "I want to touch you," it ran the tip of its fingers down the back of Sebek's neck "feel you." Sebek couldn't feel anything in his ear as it whispered so softly and sweetly "The way that lovers do."

"Is that what you think we are?"

"Of course!" It tightened it's grip on Sebek, forcing him down to its level and suffocating him with nothing "I love you so much. Don't you love me too?"

Yes.

So much so it hurts to think about. His heart was overflowing with want and need for the one he shoved away so vociferously that it drove her into the arms of another. Right into the arms of one he considered a brother. Into the arms of someone who will love the rose for all its thorns. Because accepting someone for who they are is part of loving them with your whole being.

"No."

The creature released him from it's grip, and Sebek could breathe again. The creature tilted its head at him in confusion. Perhaps it was pouting again. "You don't love me?"

"I love her. Not you."

"But I am her silly!" The creature laughed. It was so sure of itself, in its ability to trick Sebek's heart into believing a lie.

Sebek almost believed it himself.

But he has seen the way Charlotte's eyes steel themselves whenever he steps into the room. He's seen the ways she's expressed her annoyance at him when he's stepped out of line. They bicker. They argue. They throw words they never mean and worry too much about the proper apology. She always speaks about meeting people halfway, he's seen her do it to those who have been far worse to her than he, yet Sebek has never once even attempted to step forward despite her willingness to meet him there. Sebek has pricked himself on her thorns so many times that it blindsided him to how beautiful her petals were until it was far too late.

"My silly little Sebby." The creature cupped the apples of Sebek's cheeks with both hands. The fabric of its gloves were soft, just as he imagined Charlotte's were. "You've started believing in lies again."

It pulled Sebek's face closer to it. He placed his hands on its shoulders and shoved it away before their lips could meet.

He wouldn't allow himself to fall into delusion.

Sebek looked down at the creature. The shadows had all disappeared, and Charlotte was standing before him.

Her wide, doe eyes looked up at him with confusion. Her eyebrows were knitted and her soft, pink lips were pouting.

She looked adorable, and it took everything in Sebek's power not to pull her back in and claim her lips with his own. He wanted to kiss her so much she'd have to worry about her makeup smudging, about the possibility of marks being left and to complain about how swollen and bruised her lips where once all was said and done.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Yes.

She's stolen what she never wanted in the first place, and discarded it like it was nothing. Like he was nothing.

She made him fall into delusion.

"Of course not."

Charlotte smiled. It was as radiant as ever. "I'm glad!"

She pulled herself into Sebek's embrace, no longer capturing him by the neck but tightly around his torso, holding onto him like a lifeline. This time Sebek couldn't stop himself from returning the affection. He pulled her so close it hurt to breathe. He didn't want to let go, not for the world.

Maybe, just maybe, if he turned off his brain, he could pretend all of this was real. He could pretend that Charlotte was his. That every I love you was really meant for him and not either directed towards another or a figment of his heartbroken imagination. He could pretend his heart had been returned to him tenfold.

He could pretend he was loved.

"I love you."

She didn't.

"I love you too."

He wished he didn't.

[savesayori]

How to Never Stop Being Sad

Repeat to yourself that they're not really gone

Time has proven That fooling yourself into believing a lie Is the most effective way To deal with things you have no control over Keep listening to the mixtapes they made you Overanalyze every single word you hear "Was this a sign that things were going wrong?" No no, you were the one that cared too hard, not them Stay up every single night staring at your phone Either attempting to gather up the courage To turn these demons, these CONSTANT reminders Of your loneliness into nothing more than a bad dream Or praying just for one second you could feel The warmth of EQUALLY RETURNED LOVE Go out for coffee four times a week by yourself Always bring your notebook, never stop writing Leave little comics and thank you notes with your tip Watch them smile as you get in your car Talk down on yourself whenever possible My life is shit because I deserve it, right? You must have done something really bad Its nearly impossible for you to cry now Avoid your friends for weeks even though They're the only sense of consistency you have left in your life

If they really wanted to see you they'd come, but they won't (who cares?) Allow yourself to lose interest in the things you love Watch as you begin to take a backseat To the world around you, don't fight it Become a secondary character in your own motion picture But most importantly Drown every single one of your feelings In old stolen rum Learn to love the taste of it dripping down your throat Find comfort in the warmth coming from your stomach You're drinking bottled love now You don't need other people to drive away your loneliness You just needed to find a way to talk to it

I don't want to live like this any longer.

Everyday I wake up, trembling and in a state of constant terror. Where the hell did things go so wrong.

Worst thing is, I know exactly when.

_

The idea is simple around these parts. One post, one song to inspire it. Listening to it really drives in the point. Up to you, really. They're more about the part of me I'm excising than anything else, but hey you're here to know about me aren't you? Might as well.

_

This is supposed to be a diary, a journal. A safekeeping tool, a locker room, a safe, a jewelry box, a recently dug out chest, a rug under which to hide the key. An empty birdhouse, waiting for the crow with his new trinkets and tragedies.

I'll try and write about how days've been. I'm feeling the sense of time slipping away, and God forbid, I don't want to be swept along.

I'll also write poetry, anger, flesh, prose, void, and whatever I find at the bottom and banks of this muddy river I'm dragging my feet along.

_

Save Sayori

[depressologs]

Dear You,

I'm writing this with the intent that you'll never read it. I know I can't say these things to you face-to-face either, I just need this out of my head before it eats me alive.

I love you. That's it. You're it. You're everything I could ever want. And you're out of my reach. Out of my league really. I never really believed I had a shot, but I routinely delude myself into thinking it's possible, only to get smacked back down to reality.

I made sure I was right about how I felt too. I'd been crushing for a long time, and I was afraid I had put you on a pedestal. Turns out I hadn't, and I had actually underestimated how amazing you are and how exactly you were what I wanted in my life. One of the recent times we hung out it just sort of locked into place, I realized I could and wanted to do stuff like that with you forever. Since then every time we hang out I struggle with leaving. When I'm finally alone I can exhale. I spend my drive home beating myself up, replaying everything I said and did, as if there was some change I could have made in order to stay with you just a little bit longer.

I offer a lot of myself up for you, and you take very little. I focus too much on you, and not enough on myself or other people. I know you don't have interest in a romantic relationship with me, but some days it's all I can think about. How do I make it happen, or what it might look like. It's all fantasy, or delusion. Every reality check I receive comes in like a gut punch, sometimes it starts a spiral. Writing this all out was inspired by one. You're not doing anything wrong though, I'm doing this all to myself. I can't even take a break from you to try and drop the feelings, not that I want to. I'd have to explain, and I just can't. After you had a falling out with someone else, I knew I could never even begin to address it. And we've gotten even closer, as friends, since then. If I want you to be a permanent and consistent part of my life, how am I ever going to tell you something that I think will cause a rift? So instead I'll just suffer.

I feel like you probably know how I feel about you too. There's no way you're blind to it, but you might be trying to ignore it in the hopes the feelings go away. You avoid giving me details about some things, almost as if you know they'll hurt me. They usually do. That's not you hurting me though, that's me hurting myself. I worry too that I'm going to lose you soon. That you'll get your opportunity to leave and take it, and that it'll be the last time I see you. And if I don't tell you how I feel before that happens I never will, but also I cannot ever tell you for fear of losing you earlier than I was already going to.

I'm probably not done writing this, but I also need to be. I won't lie, it sucks that you're probably the one person I'm close enough with and comfortable enough with to talk about these problems with, because they involve you. I feel like I can't turn anywhere else about this, but I definitely can't bring it to you either. Hell I'm being vague in a post to a zero follower account just in case.

At the end of all of this though, we're friends. We were before I fell for you, we will be long after I figure out how to let it go, if I ever do. I love you like I've never loved anyone before, and really I want you to be happy. I just wish I was a bigger part of that. I wish I got to be happy too, with you.

Never blame yourself for how I feel on this. You did nothing but be yourself. I'm the idiot who decided he needed you. C'est la vie and all that.