#also i was yuragiku on riizeblr surprise

[ujunxverse]

omg viv's nth entry on why she doesn't write anymore how surprising.

this isn't a rant, but more so my observation on the changing nature of fandom spaces, specifically how i don't really identify with current fandom norms (stan twt, bullying, etc.) and why it's not fun being a fan anymore.

this meditation started when a friend i met through my master's program told me she started to like san from ateez. me being a veteran atiny, who used to be so bitter about babytinys and would rage at the thought of liking them after their kqfellaz era just nodded and asked if she wanted to go see ateez with me at the end of january—to which she excitedly said yes. it would be her first kpop concert ever, her first time echoing fanchants, and her first time being in that space, and i was so happy for her.

while i was happy, i was also conflicted. not for me, but for the new environment it would be for her. stan twt is vicious, regardless of which group or space it is. i think this shift was evident during and after the covid-19 pandemic, where not just the language that stan twt employs, but also the tactics and ostracization of other fandom groups outside and within their communities became so normal that it makes me want to bleach my eyes every time i log onto my tl on twt.

it's not fun anymore, it's just sad.

thirst tweets, infighting, akgaes—everything. that tension and dissonance also reflect on fanfic-writing spaces and how readers and writers who joined the writing space post covid-19 without any exposure to the norms and practices kept before the pandemic made any environment much more hostile than it did before. for covid-era nctblr it was plagiarism and starting drama, whether that be through sending yourself hate asks to get your followers to sympathize for you or starting networks out of spite, not out of a love for the community—basically, an exclusive club for "elite" writers to promote within themselves and not share that space with hopefuls wishing to take their writing to a larger audience.

mind you, to get your voice out is damn hard. it's not just about talent, it's about who you know, if what you write is something everyone wants to read, and whether you cater to both in the best way you can. it was never about talent, even before the pandemic. it was just about what tropes were popular.

maybe it's because literal children are invading these spaces and making so many ageist comments (i literally kept getting asks when i wrote for enhypen about me being a 02 liner when literally a third of that group was born the same year i was.... if i'm old by their standards then groups such as ateez and svt have to be FOSSILS in these children's eyes......), or maybe it's the growing hostility that unrestricted internet access at a young age fuel, but what i can see is that fandoms are less inviting and welcoming than when i started getting deep into kpop, which is so sad to see.

it's sad that there's so many ideas i want to write but can't because i feel pressured to add an unnecessary sex scene to attract readers. it's sad that i feel like i'm walking on eggshells when i interact with others in online spaces, even though we both have the same love and care for the groups we enjoy. it's just heartbreaking that a community has come to this, and that's why i've been in and out of this space for so long. i can't blame myself or the others who come and go in this space for being the way they are, it's just an unfortunate predicament of the internet's central role in younger people's lives, as well as how that can distort one's views on interactions and reality as a whole.