#also i think vin diesel is fucking funny as shit

[googoothegodofblood]

I do recognize the binary in this post, and im a binary man-but i would argue that the term "man" here is kind of..meaningless, all the gender kablooey is made up anyhow and i've met a variety of people who used the term Man as a descriptor of gender without it being binary, a man can be a dog, a car, a mouse, a piece of lint, a woman and maybe even a lesbian- man isnt the hard hitter it used to be because people took it to mean their own special things, same with woman-a woman can be whatever the fuck the woman in question sees fit and vice versa. That aside, there are xenic men, and nonbinary men- man is a whole spectrum and a rainbow, same with every other label that queer people like, everything is made up, and so with what were doing here.

Yeah, not everyone wants to be a man-i do, im pretty happy as a guy with a dick and balls but i explored other avenues and options, i am a man in my own special definition, which is..what you see in a car commercial, the human and the vehicle at the same time even-

I think, if you want to be a binary man, you have to be a pillar of comfort and support for those around you-does this lean into the archetype of man provider? little bit. but a man should be a safe space and someone worthy of comfort, if you are a queer man and queer people dont feel safe around you..maybe youre not the man you fancy yourself to be..

But nevertheless, i hope i didnt accidentally cisgender man piss all over the place in a floundering attempt to be accepting of people who dont adhere to the same standards and gender rulesets as i did, i recognize the irony with you and all but i also wanted to explain myself a bit in detail about it, a real man would step back and reevaluate why he speaks ill of something harmless..

[omnivorousshipper]

Sometimes it's fun to dunk on a celebrity. Hell, I love to dunk on the cringe stuff my favs do! (Looking at Vin Diesel and his attempts at karaoke)

But when I opened a video dunking on The Rock by a Youtuber with 300k+ subscribers, I honestly wasn't expecting the first criticisms of The Rock to be about his childhood (not talking about the show Young Rock)

The first fact brought up was that The Rock lived in a lot of different places growing up

Apparently this is something the audience is supposed to find negative or odd??

Like, his parents were part of pro-wrestling. His dad was a wrestler and his mom a promoter. They moved around to do their job! Is that an odd thing??

Am I supposed to laugh at The Rock "being cringe" for being a child at the time and forced to start a new school and make new friends over and over because his parents had to move their family for their job?

Then the Youtuber mentions The Rock's criminal record as a teenager

I'm sitting there asking myself "am I supposed to judge this man for doing dumb shit to get himself arrested, only to turn his life around?"

A few minor searches and I found that The Rock never hid his past. In fact, he uses his story to help encourage other people, especially young people who find themselves in difficult situations and believe they won't amount to much

In fact, he even brought his own daughter back to the area he used to frequently steal from. He wanted her to know this part of his past

I didn't finish the video, but the other parts talking about some of the silly, "cringe" things he did in the WWE were funny!

Or even when the youtuber mentioned The Rock playing basically the same character in several movies

I don't disagree!

But, when hating actors, I think we should look at their career and the way they respond to said career

I definitely crack jokes about The Rock admitting to peeing in bottles while on set. That is weird!

But I'm not going to joke and point fingers at a man for what he has done in the past outside of his acting career and what he has done to rectify his actions

Maybe I'm biased. I am a bit of The Rock fan, but I also see a lot of kids who grew up in similar situations and they look up to The Rock because of these similarities

Am I saying The Rock is a saint who shouldn't be criticized? Fuck no!

But I am saying, maybe we shouldn't bring up certain parts of someone's past just to make fun of them

(Also, I find it really weird that in the youtuber's previous video on a White, British actor, he never once mentions anything about that actor's childhood. I'd love for someone more qualified to chime in on this because I see this as very suspect)

Sorry for the rant, but this thing just rubbed me the wrong way and I needed a way to vent

[thestray]

The 62 2020 Movies Releases I Watched During 2020 Ranked

Like the awkward title says, I’m going to rank (and talk about) all the 2020 movies I watched in 2020. This is not meant as any empirical list of what was best, it’s ranked by what I liked the least to the most, and my main criteria is what kind of impact it had on me and/or how much I enjoyed the experience of watching it.

Little bit about myself, I went to art school for animation, then after art school I went to a community college where I studied screenwriting. Never ended up pursuing either thing professionally, but I still write screenplays in my free time and read screenwriting books and listen to screenwriting podcasts. I'm the type of person that loves special features, seeks out behind the scenes information and director interviews, and watch youtube videos analyzing films. I love film, and thinking about film and talking about film and sharing the films I like, and maybe one day making films of my own, who knows.

Ranking and reviewing 62 movies was a more ambitious and challenging task than I anticipated, I rearranged this list swapping titles back and forth so many times, and then I’d remember a movie I forgot I watched and have to add that and figure out where it ranks. I started this on January 1st and am just now ready to post it on the 17th, I was still switching rankings right up until posting this. Even looking at it now there are some kinda want to switch but I’ve accepted that this is more or less arbitrary, lol. 

The more I learn about film and what goes into creating a movie the more lenient I am about them. It’s not like I’m never critical of films, but I try to consider both the good and the bad of a movie instead of thinking in a binary of films are either amazing or trash. Some of these films aren’t great, but I typically still enjoyed them to some degree. Except Mulan, lol. I’m sorry Mulan. Speaking of Mulan...

62. Mulan

I'm going to try to say something nice about all these movies even if I didn't like them at all. So... I like the cast, and there are some nice visual moments. I actually was looking forward to this movie before reviews started coming out, it has 2 of the martial arts G.O.A.T.s in it, Donnie Yen and Jet Li, and also Jason Lee as the bad guy, so I figured it might at the very least have some decent action, but they were all underutilized. There’s not a single moment in the film where I felt anything at all. I think all these Disney live-action remakes are doing is making a case for how effective animation is for storytelling.

61. Color Out of Space

I heard a lot of good things about this movie, and it’s really cool visually, and I love Nicolas Cage always, but I really couldn’t get into it. I guess my main issue is that it starts off already too campy for any of to the Lovecraftian horror to really hit. It felt like a B-movie with great production value, and maybe that’s what they were going for? I really wanted to like this but I really just did not feel invested in anything going on, did not relate to anyone in the family, so I don’t think I got much out of it besides the cool visuals.

60. Bloodshot

I think the main flaw of this movie is that is that Vin Diesel was a producer on it, and Vin Diesel should be kept away from making creative decisions on movies. How Did This Get Made did a great podcast episode on this movie. It’s absolute nonsense, it has a couple of cool sequences and special effects in it, and Lamorne with a British accent is great, he’s the main redeeming value of this movie.

59. The Midnight Sky

It seems like this movie wants to be Interstellar, it’s structured in a very similar way, but it just didn’t quite have that same emotional punch. It looks very good, it’s well-acted, it has it’s moments.

58. The New Mutants

It's not as much of a trainwreck as people make it out to be in my opinion, I think the cast is good and it has some good character interactions, but it mostly suffers from the fact that it's way too predictable, from the beginning you're way ahead of the characters, and it doesn't help that they're in this confined setting so there's not a lot for them to actually do. But I appreciate the attempt at using mutants to do a horror breakfast club thing, good concept.

57. Vampires vs The Bronx

Vampires as a gentrifiers taking over the hood, great idea. Mero is in it, the brand is brolic. It was a fun set up, but it was neither funny enough or scary enough in my opinion. The vampires die so easily it's like okay whatever. It's like a really long Goosebumps episode.

56. Freaky

I don't think the execution lived up to the great concept, but Vince Vaughan was really great in those sincere moments playing a teenage girl. Horror fans will appreciate the gory kills. I'm not going to spoil anything but I do think there are some narrative issues that keep this from being stronger than it could've been. If you made the killer a creepy janitor at the school or even one of the teachers, then I think that would've created more interesting situations.

55. Eurovision

I love Will Ferrell, I even love some of his flops like Casa De Mi Padre and Kicking and Screaming, and even the House I think had a lot of really funny moments. This was definitely one of the least funny movies he's done to me. I think the director David Dobkin couldn't commit to being silly the way Adam McKay can cause there's a lot of this movie that just has no jokes, and the movie is over 2 hours long which isn't normal for comedies so you spend a lot of time watching unfunny scenes and extended musical numbers.

54. The Wrong Missy

I'm not a big fan of most Happy Madison movies, the jokes are very hit or miss for me. I'm a big fan of Lauren Lapkus though so I watched it to support her, and she plays an absolute psycho in this. It's so over the top it's like this character is not a human being, but I have to admit there are a few moments where she made me laugh pretty loud. I'd never watch this movie again, but maybe I'd look up certain parts on youtube.

53. The Platform

High concept dystopian sci-fi horror. Reminds me of the Cube. It's one of those things that makes you think about what you'd do in the same situation. It's a very on the nose allegory, so by the end of it my only takeaway was "Yeah, it really be like that." 

52. Archenemy

Another high concept movie. Joe Mangienello is good in it, but Glenn Howerton and Paul Scheer are my favorite parts of the movie, it's fun to see comedy actors play bad guys. My main problem with the movie was that I did not find the teen character to be interesting or relatable at all, in fact he can be kind of obnoxious. In his introductory scene he's REALLY bothering this random guy minding his own business, not respecting his boundaries at all. Then the rest of the movie is about him exploiting a homeless man and being really pushy for likes on some app, and he doesn't really have a character arc. Also wasn't a big fan of the animated sequences but I forgive that knowing this was a low budget movie and those sequences were done by a team of just 3 people. 

51. Power

Jamie Foxx is great. I think he makes almost anything he's in watchable to some degree. The idea of this movie is fun but I think the action sequences are kinda underwhelming, but Jamie makes it worth watching in my opinion.

50. Birds of Prey

This movie was all style and absolutely no substance. When your main character doesn't have a solid purpose or goal you're really just watching shit happen, and that can be okay if the shit that's happening is occassionally fun or funny, but it doesn't really make for a memorable story in my opinion.

49. Wonder Woman 84

The most panned movie of 2020 maybe? It's got flaws for sure and some narrative choices I just can't understand why they made. It has some fun performances though and I ultimately appreciated that our superhero wins not by using her fists but by appealing to goodness. I feel like you rarely see that kind of idealism any more. It may not be realistic but I think that's one of the things fantasy is good for, showing us a way things could be better to strive for. But yeah, the Steve Trevor things was fucking weird, why'd they do that? And neither Steve or Diana seem concerned with about this random guy's fate. I'd probably rate this film higher if they had Steve simply appear out of thin air, I mean why not? It's magic. But I loved Kristen Wig and Pedro Pascal in this. Pedro is performing with his whole body, did he film this after season 1 of the Mandolorian? Maybe being under that helmet for a season made him want to be really expressive. The films overall kinda campy but I didn't necessarily mind that.

48. Peninsula

Sequel to the already classic Train to Busan, this film decides the up the scale, which is what sequels often do, but I think it was a mistake in this instance. This is more of an over the top action movie than a character-driven horror film like the first. There's a climactic Mad Max-esque car chase scene that is almost entirely CGI. I don't think it was a bad movie, it's an okay popcorn flick, but it definitely doesn't live up to the original.

47. The Old Guard

In terms of action I don't think it did anything interesting, but I like how they explored how horrific and heartbreaking it would be to be immortal. Coming to terms with your own mortality is a tough thing to do, but we often don't consider the idea that death is a blessing we take for granted. 

46. Sputnik

A Russian sci-fi thriller about a young doctor being tasked with trying to figure out how to separate an alien parasite from a Cosmonaut that's returned from earth. Good performances, creepy vibe, and lots of interesting questions about ethics. It has a sort of epilogue ending with a reveal I didn't quite understand the significance to the story, but didn't take away from either. Solid.

45. The Invisible Man

Fun sci-fi thriller about toxic abusive relationships and gaslighting. Elizabeth Moss is great in it and my favorite sequences are before her character actually catches on and you have moments where the camera is just focusing on a random place, very creepy and effective.

44. Sonic the Hedgehog

Personally I would've preferred a fully animated film taking place in Sonic's world. I don't know why they always feel like they need to make these movies about human characters and then spend a lot of time having to hide your CG character and having people do comical reactions to them. It feels very played out to me. BUT Jim Carrey is great in this, of course. Jim Carrey is the reason to watch this movie. He makes the movie. And it goes without saying thank God they changed that character design.

43. 2067

What I liked about this dystopian future is that the cause was basically everything. War, famine, ruining the environment, pandemics, just all our collective fuckery has resulted in a world where the human race is on the verge of extinction, plants are extinct, and oxygen is synthetic. Enter time travel, a young man is tasked with traveling into the future to bring back the solution to saving the human race. Very timely obviously. I liked it.

42. Monsters of Man

Some asshole tech bros let some killer robots loose on a remote southeast asian village as a trial run. It has lots of flaws but I give it some leeway because this is the first film of a guy who wrote, directed and was the cinematographer by himself, he didn't have a huge budget or much experience, so it's hard to expect perfection. My biggest criticism is that the film centers a white guy living in this village and some westerner medics, not the actual Asian people of the village. Could've been so much more of interesting commentary about racism and eurocentrism dropping these robots in a village of brown people no one will miss just for practice. That aside though I think it was a solid enough thriller and the robots looked pretty good.

41. Family Romance LLC

An interesting movie about a Japanese entrepreneur who has a business where he'll play whatever role in your life you need. Father, husband, coworker, etc there's a scene where someone even pays him to be scolded in his place by his boss. The main thrust of the film though is him playing the role of a girl's absentee father, pretends to reconnect with her and take her out on the town for activities. It's shot very documentary style, and there are a mixture of first time actors and non-actors. Sometimes there are long awkward conversations that feel just as awkward as real life. I really liked the premise, and the only thing that keeps it from being higher on my list is it doesn't have a strong enough conflict nor does it really have a satisfying conclusion.

40. Over the Moon

Directorial debut of animation legend Glen Keane, I really liked this visually. It was sufficiently enjoyable, but it doesn't have that emotional gut punch that Pixar or Disney films tend to have. But I guess cartoons don't NEED to make you bawl your eyes out to be good. I think there were some missed opportunities narratively, like I guess this is spoilery so just scroll ahead if you don't want to know, but she gains a step brother that she doesn't like and doesn't want to spend time with, once the adventure starts on the Moon they get separated very early on, and don't ge reunited until towards the end, but she somehow now cares about him and considers him her brother. I didn't feel like that was really earned, they should've been together throughout the adventure getting to know each other. But I otherwise liked the story aside from that nitpick. Loved the colors of this movie, almost everything in the moon world is luminescent which provides some nice visuals. Hope to see Glen direct more in the future.

39. The Croods 2

Nothing revolutionary but it has some solid physical comedy and great voice acting. All of Nicolas Cage's overacting is perfect for animation, and I liked Peter Dinklage as Mr. Betterman as well. There's a lot going on thematically but it all works pretty cohesively.

38. #ALIVE

Another Korean zombie thriller. I really liked this because I felt like as far as zombie outbreaks go this is the most realistic scenario. Once you realize what's going on you will just stay in your house rather than risk going outside and fighting zombies. But that poses the problem of a limited supply of food and water. The main thrust of the movie is not how this character survives though it's about him trying to retain his will to live. It's the perfect pandemic isolation allegory.

37. Love and Monsters

It looked kinda corny but I actually enjoyed this more than I thought I would. I like Dylan O'Brien, I love Tom Holland as Peter Parker but I've always felt like Dylan O'Brien would've been a great choice too, he has a good everyman relatable quality. There's also a dog in the movie that I loved. Put a dog in peril in a movie and I will be on the edge of my seat guaranteed. It's a fun movie with some interesting creatures in it and a solid character arc for our main protagonist.

36. Extraction

I love the trend of stunt coordinators directing films. That's the main reason why the John Wick series is so good, and the reason why this also has some very solid action. Nothing crazy here in terms of story or themes, everything is an excuse for Chris Hemsworth to fuck people up and it delivers on that. There's one scene where he slaps around some kids attacking him that I found hilarious as well. Fully welcoming an Extraction 2.

35. Save Yourselves

A couple decides to take a break from social media and get away to a cabin outside the city. While they're disconnected from the world an alien invasion occurs, furry little basketball sized poofs. This movie was pretty funny. I'm a little ambivalent about the ending but I enjoyed these hipsters arguing about what to do about aliens.

34. Bill and Ted Face the Music

A most bodacious movie. Fun gags and a robot that steals the show. It's not as good as the first 2 but I don't think that's any surprise. I think it borrows a little bit too much from the previous films, like the collecting legendary musicians thing, could've done without that. It was a fun movie though, and the daughters really worked.

33. An American Pickle

Seth Rogen playing an orthodox Jew who's been preserved in pickle juice for 100 years and his modern day app developer grandson. I think this may be Seth Rogen's best acting role, as silly as this movie is he's kind of endearing as this character from 100 years aro, and as the grandson he's a lot more understated than he usually is in movies.

32. Tenet

Tenet! Is it controversial that this is not higher up on the list? I really like Nolan's films, actually been a fan since watching his first film Following in a film class. Nolan likes playing with time in his movies so it was inevitable that he'd do something that addresses it very directly eventually. I love the time travel genre and I think this is one of the most ambitious and unique approaches to it to ever done. I actually braved theaters to see this because I did not want to miss the opportunity to see it on the big screen. I did it as safely as possible and booked a reserved seating theater where I knew I wouldn't be sitting by anyone, had a mask, gloves, antibacterial gell on deck, sanitized my seat with wipes, etc, there only 2 other people in the theater all of us sitting way for from each other. Weirdest moviegoing experience I've ever had but glad I saw it on the big screen because the visual spectacle of this is excellent. The reason it's not higher on the list is because as conceptually cool as it is as I did not feel invested. Just on a story level having a character we know very little about pursuing a goal he knows very little about for no clearly defined reason makes it feel like... we're just watching events unfold as opposed to watching a character-driven story. There's a moment at the end that you can tell was meant to be an emotional moment, but I felt nothing. They try to introduce some emotional stakes with the female character, but idk, since it wasn't tied to the inciting incident it felt more like a b-plot than fundamental to the story. So it was a really fun cool looking puzzle, more like watching a cool Rube Goldberg machine, but not something I really thought much about after it was over.

31. Guns Akimbo

I really have been enjoying Daniel Radcliffe's post-Harry Potter career, he'll do some solid dramas he seems to prefer doing fun weird shit like Swiss Army Man, Horns, his role on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, etc. This is in that vein of fun weird shit, a guy who gets guns bolted to his hands and is running around the city in a robe trying to survive essentially a real life video game. A lot of the movies lower on this list had fun concepts but were lacking in execution, but this is one that is just as fun as the idea sounds, even more fun actually, it's funny, the action is good, and there are some great visuals. I found it all around enjoyable.

30. Let Them All Talk

Glen Close as a celebrated author who invites her nephew and 2 estranged best friends on a cruise with her.  It's a very light-hearted movie with some underlying conflicts that the characters are afraid to address head on. Glen Close is great, obviously, she plays this pretentious self-important woman with affectations but is still likable and warm. It's a fairly pleasant almost slice-of-life until the 3rd act where everything comes together. To me it was a movie about communication, saying what you mean, saying what you feel, and those unspoken assumptions of what those around you are thinking or feeling about you. I know I can relate to the idea of wanting an apology from someone who might not even be cognizant of the fact that you feel slighted by them, or vice versa finding out someone's had a long standing problem with you when you thought you were cool. One sided grudges do no one any good.

29. True History of the Kelly Gang

I've heard of Ned Kelly, but I've never seen the Heath Ledge or Mick Jagger movies about him and I don't know much about him other than he's a famous Australian outlaw and something of a folk hero to some. The performances and cinematography if this are great. George MacKay from 1917 is the lead and he's amazing, sometimes vulnerable and soft, other times a madman. It spends a lot of time in his childhood and the child actor who plays Ned is great as well. It's gritty and sometimes surreal in it's imagery. From what I can gather previous films seemed to focus more on what happened with him and his gang, while this movie seems to focuses more on everything in his life that led up to him becoming who he is and forming that gang. Like a 3rd of the movie is spent in his childhood, and once the gang is actually formed things move at a pretty brisk pace, seemingly skimming over the exploits of the gang to the conclusion. The film feels very raw and gritty and very fuck the police which I always appreciate.

28. Lucky Grandma

A stubborn grandma in New York's chinatown gets her fortunte read and is told that she's going to be very lucky and come into a fortune, she then comes into possession of a bunch of money that belongs to a gang and she decides to try to keep it feeling it's owed to her by the universe. A funny crime drama with the unlikeliest of protagonists.

27. Da 5 Bloods

Spike Lee is an icon but he can honestly be a little hit or miss for me. I don't always enjoy every choice he makes, for instance he uses real footage of war attrocities in this, and it's really upsetting to see REAL people, including children, be killed, when you're not expecting that. I understand it's meant to be upsetting, but it does make the movie something I'll probably never rewatch. Spike Lee's films to me can also feel at times heightened to the point that it feels a little cheesy (Miracle At St Anna), and there moments in this that kinda took me out of it to be honest, but overall I enjoyed it. The performances were great, Delroy Lindo in my opinion is one of the most underrated actors of all time, he's just always good no matter what he's in, everyone else in it is good too, but of course I have to mention Chadwick Boseman who was great. At the end of the day it gave me a lot to think about in terms or race, war, America, forgiveness, trauma and so many other things.

26. The Devil All The Time

There's a LOT going on in this movie, maybe a little too much, it's like 2 or 3 movies smashed into one, but... I really liked it, and that's probably because Tom Holland is so good in it.  Really liked Robert Pattinson in it too. I can’t really think of more to say about it say I won’t. Next movie.

25. Bad Education

A true crime movie about school district officiala who stole from the budget of a highschool. Hugh Jackman is great in this. I loved Jackman as Wolverine, but now that he's done with that I'm excited to see him other stuff cause he's always interesting to watch; The Fountain, Prisoners, The Prestige, he's always solid. I enjoyed this, it was done with nuance, it doesn't let them off the hook for what they did but it doesn't paint them as absolute monsters either. I really have to ask myself, if I could get away with stealing money that no one would miss... I don't know, I think I'd not do it out of fear not altruism, lol.

24. My Octopus Teacher

This is a documentary on Netflix about a diver who immerses himself in the world of underwater life and documents the life of an octopus. It's really beautiful, both in terms of visuals and in content. There's not a lot to talk about because it's fairly straightforward, but it was really fascinating to learn about this octopus and see the bond they mutually formed, and again I can't talk about how great this movie looks, it's like you're in a different world. This is something I could put in and mute while I draw just for the ambiance. 

23. Kajillionaire

A quirky dramedy about a family of really obtuse poor scam artists. As absurd as their behaviour is I can totally imagine a trio of weirdos like this living in Los Angeles ( I can say that cause it's my hometown and where I lived most of my life. It's Evan Rachel Wood's best role, I never would've imagined her doing something like this but she's great as "Old Dolio". It's funny, at time sad but not in a hammy melodramatic way, and I feel it had the perfect ending.

22. The Gentleman

Guy Ritchie doing what he does best. It's fun, stylish, witty, has layers and twists and reveals. Everybody's good in it. It doesn't have anything poignant to say, but it's fun to watch the entire time

21. Run

A thriller about a wheelchair bound teen who suspects her mother is drugging her and tries to get to the bottom of it. You can tell this director is a Hitchcock fan because it definitely has that Rear Window vibe but takes it a step further, and in many ways it's even shot and paced like Hitchcock. The lead actress is actually wheelchair bound herself so it really adds to the realism of all the things she does in this film. Oh, and Sarah Paulson is the mom, when is Sarah Paulson ever not good?

20. Horse Girl

Alison Brie is an awkward neurotic woman getting over recent grief and a history of mental illness in her family, she starts to have weird dreams and then notices people from her dreams in real life, starts blacking out and having gaps in time, and starts to believe it's due to alien abduction conspiracy. Is she losing her mind or is it really happening? Alison Brie is really really good in this, and she co-wrote it too, it has a lot of moments where you really feel sorry for her or scared for her and you start to question what's real yourself.

19. Swallow

I  found this movie really fascinating, it's like what if you turned one of those My Strange Addiction episodes on TLC into a movie. It's about this woman who ostensibly, at least from appearances, has the perfect life (at least by societal standards), she came from nothing and is now housewife to a rich successful man, and behaves almost like a Stepford wife. Then develops a compulsion to swallow inedible things, like marbles and batteries and thumbtacks, which is a real condition called pica. Its the kind of movie that gives you a lot to think about but no easy answers.

18. Time to Hunt

A Korean heist thriller set in the near future. A bunch of childhood friends rob the wrong person and have an Anton Chigurh-esque killer sent after them to retrieve the money and kill them. It's a really tense cat and mouse thriller with good performances. The ending seemed to turn a lot of people off based on a lot of youtube comments I read, but I didn't mind it. My only real gripe is that they set this in the near future but aside from some imagery in the beginning it doesn't seem to come into play that much, this all could've taken place in modern day or even the past with no alteration of the story. I think the future setting was more just for some social commentary that maybe went over my head a little bit because I'm not from Korea, but I think if they were going to do near future they could've added some futuristic weapons or something. But that's just nitpicking, while the future setting didn't add to the story much it didn't take away from it either.

17. Tigertail

As I get older one of my worse fears is making decisions that I will regret for the rest of my life, so this movie really hit home as a cautionary tale. It's a kind of quietly devastating movie. There's no huge tragic horrific even, just a huge miscalculation. Decades of your life of work and unhappiness go by and all you can do is wonder what things could've been. I also especially appreciated the cinematography and music of this film.

16. Mother

It's been a while since I hated a character this much, but this titular mother really pissed me off. She's a neglectful mother who only sees her son as a tool, but he sticks by her cause he loves her. It's definitely not a fun movie to watch, but it made me feel a lot and meditate on the idea of love and whether it in itself has innate value.

15. Call

I went into this movie cold, having no idea what it was really about other than that it was a thriller that revolved around a woman getting mysterious calls. I'm glad I had seen no trailers and did not know the gist of the plot becuase it went places I really was not expecting. One of the most fun thrillers I've seen in a while. So, I'm not going to talk about the movie but what I will say is that Jeon Jong-seo, who played the woman in Burning is in this, she was great in Burning and she's great in this. After watching it I googled her to see what else she's been in that I can watch and this is only her 2nd film. Apparently Burning was her first audition EVER and she BOOKED IT! Like, one a million success story right? But she deserves it cause she's great and I look forward to seeing what else she does.

14. Possessor

This was directed by Brandon Cronenberg, the son of David Cronenberg, big shoes to fill, and I think he's going to fill them fine cause this is already a cult classic in my opinion. The visuals in this, which look like they were mainly created with practical and in camera effects. There is some very graphic very realistic violence in this. The movie is about an assassin who works for an organization and uses some type of scientific process to "possess" people to carry out hits. When she's in a body for too long who's in control starts to blur. It's really fucking trippy, like a fucked up Black Mirror episode.

13. Borat 2

Been a fan of Sacha since the old Da Ali G Show days when Borat was just a side character. I'm amazed with out Sacha can stay in character the way he does, especially when later on in the movie he shelters in place with some Qanon conservatives with who knows how long staying in character. Maybe they'll reveal they were paid actors who knows, but whatever I fucking laughed a lot at this movie. There's a black woman in this movie that I hope to god was not an actress cause I loved her and her reactions so much. It was a breath of fresh air to watch something that's just goofy in 2020 because it wasn't a good year for comedy. As much as I love film sometimes I got a little fatigue from watching so many things with very heavy themes, this also had heavy themes it was satirizing, but also chimp pornstar jokes, so..  a fun time.

12. A Sun

A drama about a family's eldest son going to juvenile detention for his involvement in a violent crime. We see how his father, his mother, his brother and his pregnant girlfriend all deal with this. I found it very engaging. My only gripe is that there are some moments of levity where they use this really generic comedy music score it and it really takes you out of the film. No music at all is better than bad generic music. Other than that I really loved it and the ending is great. I really thought this would end up in my top 10 but the following films just had more personal relevance or were more fun to watch.

11. Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

R.I.P. Chadwick Boseman, this movie is like an acting showcase for him, he has so many great monologues here, the ending really took the wind out of me. It's also packed with really still relevant commentary on race.

10. Onward

You already expect a Pixar movie to make you cry, but this came from angle I was NOT expecting and I bawled hard at this. This movie was so applicable to my life experience it's like they specifically engineered it to make me personally cry. Honestly there are better movies lower on this list, but movies are just like any other art, when a song touches you on a personal level it doesn't need to have complex instrumentation cause it's how it made you feel that matters.

09. Palm Springs

A comedy released during a pandemic about trying to find stimulation and meaning when every day is the same thing? Ya don't say! Another take on Groundhog Day, which at this point I feel like it's its on genre with the amount of times the concept has been done, but I'm not complaining, I typically enjoy a good time loop movie (or show; Russian Doll). I don't know what else to say besides that it's really funny and Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti are both charming and great in it.

08. Scare Me

This movie was funny, creepy, the performances were great, and it's just really unique and clever. Written, directed, produced, and starring Josh Ruben, who I know primarily does really idiosyncratic "impressions" on instagram. It's 2 people alone in a cabin telling each other scary stories, they don't cut away to the stories you just watch them act it out. 4 people in the cast, one location, and it still manages to be a fun ride of a movie and manages to touch on some good themes in the overall story. I really hope to see Josh Ruben direct more films because I think he's really creative.

07. Ride Your Wave

A romantic comedy about a woman trying to find joy and purpose in her life. I often go into movies very cold, so I didn't know much about what this movie was about, just knew that it was from an animation studio and director that I really respected. It's very beautiful, very grounded, until it's not. Kind of movie that breaks your heart so it can uplift you later.

06. Uncle Frank

I really did not expect a lot from movie, not that I thought it would be bad, I just thought it be your middle of the road movie. It's about a teenage girl who really looks up to her uncle who she learns is a closeted gay man, in an era where that was potentially dangerous to be. They go on a road trip home when his father dies and learn about each other and themselves, it sounds kinda cookie cutter, but it really surprised me. Paul Bettany is so very good in this, and it made me cry. Easy way to get on high on this list is to make me cry lol.

05. Children of the Sea

This film had to be in my top 5 because I'm an animation nerd and this is one of the most beautiful animated films ever. Ever. It's right up there with Akira and the Ghibli catalogue, and the works of Satoshi Kon, and all the Disney movies and everything else. It focuses on details and nuances in a really gorgeous way. The story is VERY ambiguous and gets very metaphysical towards the end, the climax is like watching an acid trip. It's about a girl who meet 2 young boys who have adapted to living underwater, and they form a bond, and then... uh... there's no way I can concisely explain it. The creator has said it's not supposed to be understood logical, instead it's supposed to be felt. There's a lot of symbolism and metaphor, it's very philosophical and explores themes of connection and the cycle of life. It's produced by Studio 4°C, which is my favorite animation studio because they really push the envelope, they're responsible for Mind Game, Tekkonkinkreet, and the recent Mutafukaz, and other, if you've never heard of any of those definitely look them up, they're unlike any anime you've ever watched before. Anyway, beautiful movie and the cryptic plot allows for you to rewatch it multiple times and take different things away from it. I can't wait to own it on blu-ray.

04. 37 Seconds

I saw this very early in the year and love it. It's about a young woman with cerebal palsy who is also an aspiring hentai artist trying to get laid. Her mother who takes care of her like a child smothers her, so it's not only about trying to get laid but trying to have some independence. Firstly the performance of this woman who actually does have cerebral palsy and is a first time actor is so natural and endearing, secondly there are things they portray with an uncomfortable amount of realism and awkwardness that it really draws you in to the nitty gritty of her reality and what it can be like for someone who is wheelchair bound to try to have sexual experiences. I like that there were 2 films this year about characters in wheelchairs that used unknown actresses that face the same things their characters do, it adds to the authenticity of either film. Films like this are why I think diversity in film is not just about doing something for the demographic you're depicting but also giving everyone else not of that demographic new unique stories and perspectives.

03. Soul

I guess spoilers if you haven't seen this because it's easier to talk about why I liked it if I talk specifically about the plot. I wasn't expecting much from this when the initial trailer dropped, it made it seem like it was going to largely take place in this imaginary soul place with these blue things, and for most of the first act it seemed like that's what it was going to be, but when they come back to earth and the story really starts I really started enjoying it. This movie tricks you into thinking the film is about finding or fulfilling your purpose, only to throw a curveball that living life in and of itself is the "purpose", and this movie resonated so much with thoughts that were already on my mind. I relate so much to Joe as a creative person myself with so many unfulfilled dreams, at 36yrs old, having to put many of my goals on the backburner just to survive, and generally having that feeling that I'm still waiting to live life because I'm not fulfilling my "purpose". Sure reaching for goals is great, but I think our culture breeds this idea that happiness is a destination, an accomplishment, a certain amount of recognition, a monetization of your passion. I really loved how the film depicted that there's a dark side to focusing on your passions and how it can become a source of stress and unhappiness. This movie is just about savoring life itself, which people have been expressing through platitudes since forever but this film illustrated it in a way that words fail at, and that's what makes film such a great form of art.

02. Sound of Metal

This movie had one of the best trailers of 2020, I couldn't wait to watch this movie. FIrst of all I love RIz Ahmed and think he's an underrated and underutilized actor, he's fucking amazing in this, he needs an Oscar nom FOR SURE. His frustration is so palpable and he feels so natural in this movie. It follows a metal punk drummer who loses his hearing and goes to stay in a deaf community to acclimate. One thing I think is absolutely brilliant about this movie is the sound design. I'm not deaf so I can't speak from any type of experience, but they try to replicate what going deaf sounds like, what the audiologist tests sound like, what hearing aids and cochlear implants sound like, it's very immersive. I almost think of it like a companion piece to Soul, cause I had almost the same take away, it's just coming from it at a different angle.

01. I'm Thinking Of Ending Things

Okay, so I’m going to have a lot to say about this movie.

Maybe a very controversial pick for my number one because so many people absolutely hated this movie, lol. I am biased given that I'm a huge fan of Charlie Kaufman, he's my favorite screenwriter, and his films have only gotten weirder and weirder, so I know to expect the unexpected when going into one of his films. I can understand how this would be an offputting experience if you're expecting the conventions of normal narrative structure. It was surprising and perplexing to me how this film unfolded but I've watched non-narrative and experimental films before so I was intrigued rather than frustrated. You think it's about a woman who is thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend as they head to meet his parents. Once we get to his childhood home things start getting surreal, and that surrealism just escalates to the point where you realize this film is not at all attempting to depict reality and doesn't even have any continuity. This is the most a movie has ever felt like one of my dreams. I don't know how other people dream but this was so much like every weird nightmare I've ever had where I feel trapped in a situation. 

There's a scene where the family is talking about art, the dad says he hates abstract art because it takes no skill, he prefers paintings that look like photographs because that takes real skill, the son asks why make a painting look like a photograph when you can just take a photograph, the woman states she paints pictures of landscapes and tries to imbue them with a sense of interiority, capturing the way she feels, the dad asks how can a landscape be sad if you don't have a person in it looking sad. I felt like this was a bit of meta commentary on the film itself. After I watched this movies I had my own theories, I watched some analysis videos on youtube that confirmed a lot of my ideas and gave me insight on other parts of the film, I watched the film again and formulated more ideas, it's so dense with things to project meaning onto and interpret it. I went on instagram and ended up having lengthy discussions about what the film meant both with people who loved it and hated it. Everybody I spoke with had slightly different interpretations and takeaways. One woman who initially did not like it came away with an appreciation for it after we had a lengthy discussion about it's meaning. 

All of this is why it's my favorite film of the year, not only did I relate to it on a personal level because I'm in a stage of my life where I'm approaching middle ages and afraid I'm going to end up like the guy in this film, but I can't remember the last time a film led to such meaningful conversation about life, death, love, mental health, loneliness, trauma, etc. So like the scene where they're talking about art, I think this movie is neither intended to be abstract or realistic, it's supposed to be imbued with a sense of interiority. I know I sound way pretentious right now, but I just really appreciated Charlie Kaufman for making something unabashedly expressionist and serving it up to mainstream audiences. I really feel like I grow as a person and an artist every time I watch one of his films.

------------------------------------------------

So there ya go. That’s it. That concludes this arbitrary exercise in ranking the movies i saw last year, thank you for wasting your time on this, lol. I think it was a very good year for movies. 

If there was a movie you were expecting to see on the list and it’s missing I just didn’t get to it in 2020, I may do an unranked follow up list of 2020 movies I missed in 2020, maybe.

That’s it.

End of post.

Bye.

[strangcrdoctor]

∞Guardians commentary time, because I was honestly too wiped out to get to it last night but I’m still very up for it now. 

1. So here’s my question about the opening sequence on Morag. If Ronan had hired the people that faced off with Quill in the opening sequence on Morag, was it just the case that Ronan’s men arrived 2.5 minutes too late, like Peter arrived just early enough to beat out Yondu? Because initially my impression was that they were indigenous and guarding it, but I know now that not to be the case because Korath is very much a devotee of Ronan, etc. But even if it is the case that Peter beat Ronan’s people, holy timing Batman. Seriously kudos to Quill for being even if incidentally two steps ahead of even Ronan’s game. 2. Okay one, Nova Prime Irani Rael is a hot piece and two she definitely deserves to be the girlfriend of General Leia Organa you can disagree with me but that makes you a suspect human being. Anyway, Rael making the diplomatic call to the Kree to denounce Ronan was not out of bounds for normal statecraft. Especially with a new and tenuous alliance, she’s not only right in calling bullshit that the Kree empire has said nothing to denounce Ronan, but she’s also right in advising they make a statement to stabilize their early peace because early peace is amazingly fragile. But like way to not maintain an alliance at all Kree Empire. You suck. 3. The actual diversity of felons on the Kyln is pretty neat, I’m not going to lie. Not just interspecies representation but also body type representation. There’s big very obviously non-straight criminals. There’s cool as shit looking alien species. There’s chubby feminine looking criminals! Tell me who they are Marvel! Tell me. 4. Now that Thanos’ real character has been revealed in the course of IW it is no damn wonder why Thanos thought of Ronan as a petulant child. Granted, Thanos’ logic is worse in that it is slightly better, but by comparison Thanos is an overly dire pragmatist were Ronan is very much just a racist bigot with a power complex. Thanos predictably find’s Ronan’s racial shortsightedness pithy, and I really have zero doubt that if Ronan had actually gone to piss on Thanos’ front lawn he would not have lasted long. 5. On the other hand, really Thanos. #1 piece of advice in the universe is don’t torture and dismantle women and then trust them to be complicit. You will die. 6. If anyone doesn’t feel pelvic sorcery during a close listening to Fooled Around & Fell In Love they are definitely soulless. 7. I also really really want to know what the hell they were drinking on Knowhere that got Rocket and Drax drunk (I mean who knows they might both be lightweights but I doubt it.), because Stephen wants some. 8. I’ll come right out and say it it’s a fucking shame that Tivan’s collection gets blown to hell. Not because Tivan isn’t twisted as hell keeping live specimens and slaves to himself, but more on the “holy crap what cool stuff just got destroyed that the universe will never see again” kind of way. It’s like the burning of the Library of Alexandria, only somehow worse. 9. The nods given to Thor: The Dark World and The Avengers are of course interesting given there’s a Dark Elf and a Chitauri, but I’m super curious about what made those particular specimens of each special enough for Tivan to keep them. Tivan deals with the depths and breadths of the universe coming in and out of Knowhere, and he doesn’t just snag one item from every species or race he comes across. So was there something interesting in particular about that Dark Elf and that Chitauri? Was the Chitauri one of the only remaining survivors after the nuclear explosion? Was the Dark Elf one of Malekith’s higher ups? I’m just curious about them, and curious about Tivan’s reasoning for keeping them. 10. Okay but adding to this whole Tivan’s collection tangent, Cosmo the Space dog cracks me up and not just because it’s funny for Tivan to have a doggie cosmonaut in his collection. Cosmo is a legit character in the Guardians comics, and he’s head of security on Knowhere and telepathic. So even if Tivan is keeping him in his collection or is just trying to keep him out of the way for something, just imagine what it’s like having an angry Russian dog thinking at you all the time because you’re getting in the way of him doing his job. 11. Slightly different bend on the Tivan train, but Carina legitimately just heard Tivan talk about how the stone was capable of destroying even a whole group of people who tried to wield it, and she was still willing to take the risk of being incinerated rather than living with her current conditions. Carina wasn’t resolutely making the hero play - she was making a suicide play knowing full well it would end that way if the hero play didn’t work. 12. When Yondu states that Peter doesn’t give a rip about Terra like. Dude. How many fucking references in this movie has he made to Terran culture? Music and movies and art and holy shit would you look at that, he sure as hell talks like a more culturally integrated human than anything else you twat waffle. Great way to piss him off though and get him to play it your way, which granted is what I think Yondu was probably doing the whole time but still. You don’t look at this boy who idolizes Footloose and knows who Jackson Pollock is and tell him he doesn’t care about Earth. Caring about Footloose and Jackson Pollock at all is a labor of love. 13. Speaking of Yondu, how the fuck is that the jewel frog bauble considered by anyone to be worth of the “high end” community? On top of it just hurting me, it does really raise the question of how is trite crap like that so valuable? Does it have some vector of worth and rarity because its origins are weird, obscure, or finite? Are the gems magical artifacts of some kind? Are the wealthy in space that mother-fucking self-ironic? Because if they are I want to know them. 14. Peter Quill, everyone, who makes a dick message to garner trust 15. Not for the first for for the last time will I say this, but Ravager tech is impressive. And I am amazingly intrigued at how Ravagers got such good technology and resources on their hands. True, they steal things and make money off of trades and pilfering. But that isn’t the only way to acquire goods and it’s not the only thing a viable pirating economic model can survive off of. Half the reason the Ravagers succeed is because they run like a business, have clientele, and are clientele for certain sects, right? So what kind of powerful connections do they have that allow them their advanced fleets? That’s the kind of shit I want to know about. 16. Also what the hell are Ronan’s pilots with the weird glowy psychic spheres on the Dark Aster? Is the Dark Aster itself Kree technology, or something Ronan got from Thanos who appropriated it from some other world he’s conquered? Because we know so little about the Kree in the MCU it’s hard to say, but I suppose we’ll have to wait and see if the Kree ever do become a part of canon so we can have more data with which to make a comparison. 17. Guardians does a pretty good job of taking at least some time to portray how terrible aerial dogfighting is on a mass scale because honestly it’s a bloody nightmare. It’s pictured so often and so carelessly in film that it’s not something we often think about, and the only movie I’ve ever seen that addresses how it feels in human terms is Dunkirk, but the intensity and messiness of it in Guardians is still pretty realistic and I give it props for that. 18. It occurs to me that maybe the younger, post-GOTG Groot is so bitter and antisocial for a while because of how giving the elder Groot was, and the seedling felt the sacrifice and his existence was under-appreciated? It was just a thought that crossed my mind. 19. Also Ronan you twat. “Engage Immolation Initiative” is just Big Mean & Fancy for “light ‘em up fuckers,” don’t pretend you’re any cooler than anyone else. 20. I really really appreciate the design that went into the Xandarian cityscape as a fully intergalactic multicultural society that shows it even in the way the city and buildings are assembled. The city isn’t uniform like a lot of science-fiction cities are - it’s got texture. Different sectors have different styles of buildings and different architecture. Like a real metropolitan area, it’s a patchwork of influences and it’s very well done. 21. Kudos to Rocket for identifying that ground-to-air is a super viable defense strategy. One thing that people tend to forget about ground-to-air is that aside from clouds, there’s no obstacles behind which to hide in the sky, so while ground defense might seem clumsy at times, air offense is hugely precarious because there is absolutely no defense mechanism against any attack except maneuvering, and when a defense is fully able to target that weakness it’s pretty damn effective. 22. It’s interesting to me how well superhero movies integrate climaxes within battle sequences? Some people might call it lazy but I call it interesting when when defense lines break, plans fail, and when teams encounter interference to push the plot forward. Plot movement in Marvel movies curry a lot of momentum from these events, but actually they’re pretty interesting replications of how modern society has been built on the results of such events within our own history. History has been moved by these exact same sorts of events, which is why they make sense to us in storytelling. 23. Peter protecting Groot from Rocket’s crash into the into the Dark Aster? Golden. And then Peter immediately going to Rocket from the wreckage? Stellar. Peter Quill you are a gem. 24. I will never forgive Marvel for hurting me as bad with “We are Groot” as Warner Brothers did with “Suuuuuperman” in Iron Giant. Stop giving Vin Diesel more opportunities to rip my heart out of my chest, please. 25. My mom and my uncle, her brother, both adored the entire GOTG soundtrack so much and it brought them so much joy watching it together that it got me into Motown. Even though it was oblique and dorky, Marvel did something amazing with this movie and gave my parents a piece of their own youth back, while giving me a chance to share in their knowledge and experience. It’s stuck with me ever since, especially because fundamentally that experience is the reason I got into Motown music, which I now adore with all my heart.

Alright, done with that. These are... just getting longer and longer I’m sorry guys no one should have ever allowed me to do this. Oh well. Too late to stop me now. Captain America: The Winter Solider is up next, and oh the pain.∞

[babygirlizz]

Izzie’s Top Ten Favorite Movies of 2017 (And why I think they were good)

DISCLAIMER: THERE WILL BE MANY SPOILERS AHEAD AND PLENTY OF LANGUAGE… READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

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Number 10- War for the Planet of the Apes

War for the Planet of the Apes is the kind of movie that I would see is available in theaters and not even think of that being the movie that I would go see. I usually like romance and horror and this was neither, yet it still broke my heart like a romance film could. Through the funny characters that shed light on the dark (Cornelius) or the ones that shed light on the more serious matters of the film (Any other character) that showed the Apes in a prison like facility that closely resembled a concentration camp, the true hero saved the day and all of his family and friends, while not being able to save himself (and had me crying as I left the theatre)

Number 9- Get Out

Not only was Get Out a complete and utter mind fuck, it was also very enlightening. Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) thinks his girlfriends parents are just slightly racist and nervous that a black man is in their home when him and his girlfriend decide it’s time for him to meet the family, but come to find that they are not only creepily racist, but also cult psychos that are taking black people hostage and using their body’s as hosts for their equally as racist, old family members’ minds. And as Chris is trying to make his epic escape with his girlfriend Rose (Allison Williams), she’s actually in on the cult the whole time! (What a shock!)

Number 8- Beauty and the Beast

What can I say? I’m a slut for Disney and for musicals. (Even though it’s kinda gross that this young girl is in love with an animal, it’s classic). Belle is played by none other than Emma Watson (aka one of the greatest actresses of all time), who has a beautiful singing voice to go along with the perfect fit for the looks of Belle. And the cute little tea cup that makes my little heart melt! (Don’t forget Gaston.)

Number 7- IT

What is there to even complain about this movie? Richie (Finn Wolfard) is such a wonderful comedic character during this frightful time for the whole town, and alongside Eddie (Jack Dylan Grazer) it is just comedic gold. Bill Skarsgård also puts on the perfect face to portrait a wonderful Pennywise, with his own drool, lazy eye, and weird smile, he brings the whole gross/creepy side of Pennywise that actually makes you uncomfortable, in the best way possible (and for a solid month had girls actually wanting to fuck a clown.)

Number 6- Baby Driver

HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, ANSEL ELGORT! Not only is he a beautiful human being, but also a wonderful actor. His character, who just so happens to be named Baby, gets into a tragic accident when he’s little and now has a constant ringing in his ears, which he drowns out with music. Now he lives with an old blind man, and does illegal things with different groups of people for money (also if you don’t get it yet, he’s the getaway DRIVER (haha get it?)). One day he just so happens to go into a diner and meet and beautiful girl and falls in love and then he puts her in danger, then he gets arrested. But they still have a happy ever after and all is well in life.

Number 5- Spider-Man: Homecoming

I mean c’mon, it’s a Marvel movie, of course it’s going to be good! Peter Parker (Tom Holland) get’s spider powers and is in love with a girl at school, who’s dad just so happens to be the bad guy that Peter has to fight. When a group of kids from his school (including himself, the girl he’s in love with, his enemy, a super witty sarcastic girl (cough mj couch), and his bestfriend) go on a trip, Peter finds himself wanting to save the day, rather than participate in the groups school activities. When he finds that his friends end up being in danger, he causes mass hysteria in the city which draws attention to his somewhat of a mentor, Tony Stark, who then takes away his Spidey suit. This shows as a major issue, when he goes to fight the bad guy, which lands the bad guy in jail, which means the love of his life has to move away.

Number 4- Everything, Everything

Maddy (Amandla Stenberg) has an illness that keeps her from leaving her house. When Maddy finds herself liking the cute boy next-door, Olly (Nick Robinson), she wishes she wasn’t sick so she could go outside to see him. Through texting, reading lips through windows, and imagining what their lives would be like if they could be together, their feelings for each other grow, and Maddy finally convinces her in-home nurse, to allow Olly inside so they can meet (on the condition that they stay on opposite sides of the room). They begin to fall in love and Maddy starts to wonder what is going to happen to their relationship, and beings to imagine Olly finding someone better. Maddy then decides that she doesn’t like the life she is living and gets a credit card online, to purchase a trip to the beach for two. When Maddy convinces Olly that it is safe for her to go, the two spend their days at the beach and falling in love, until Maddy almost dies. Maddy then gets home and gets well again, only to find out that the only reason she had nearly died was not because she was sick (because she was in-fact never sick in the first place, her mother was faking it all along) but was because she had almost never been outside, therefore had a weak immune system, and she because slightly ill. She then moves away from home and meets up with Olly again in a cute little bookshop.

Number 3- Pitch Perfect 3

I am a lover of the entire franchise of Pitch Perfect. I love all of the characters and actors in the films and love all of the friendships and chemistry on and off screen. With not only having wonderful music, but also having raw and nearly unfiltered comedy, it is a great piece of art that should be cherished.

Number 2- Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Once again, Marvel is perfect. Baby Groot (Vin Diesel) ties the whole film together with it’s cute little self and once again the Guardian save the Galaxy. After Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) meets his father for the first time, he gets sucked in to his fathers life, being a God and having his own planet, when he finds out the his father purposefully gave his mother her brain tumor, so he wouldn’t ever have to go back to earth again, and Peter is pissed, and shit goes down.

Number 1- Call Me by Your Name

Cinematic Gold. Art. The best movie I have ever seen. Set in Lombardy, Italy, in 1983. Elio Perlman’s (Timothée Chalamet) family hosts a doctoral student, by the name of Oliver (Armie Hammer) in their Villa in Italy. During the summer Elio starts to come to terms with the fact that he has feelings for the older man, while Oliver tries to throw subtle hints to the fact that, he too, likes the younger boy. Not wanting to having guilt on their shoulders, or getting caught for doing something that they should, they hold off on their romantic feelings, and become, somewhat, friends. After a trip to a grassy area on their own, they share a kiss that kickstarts their feelings for each other. With jealousy, and the fact that they are on borrowed time (six weeks to be exact) the two decide that it is time to give in and they meet at midnight, sharing the night together, and falling in love. After many awkward moments between each other, one including the notorious peach, the two realize that it is nearly time for the two to part ways, with Oliver needed to go back to America. The men share a trip together which includes drinking and kissing in the streets, and ends in Elio bidding farewell to Oliver at the train station. There is then a time skip to the Winter, where the Perlman’s get a phone call from Oliver, in which Oliver explains to Elio that he is getting married. The movies ends with a heart wrenching credit scene, with Elio sitting by the fire, showing the raw emotions and pain running through his heart, as he realizes that him and Oliver will never be together again. THIS MOVIE BROKE ME! Timothée and Armie showed themselves as being true actors, making it feel as if these two men are actually, and truly, in love.

[goddamnitaisha]

Please list your top 5-10 would-bang characters, possibly segmented by gender/sex if it makes sense to, in descending order. I need to know how similar we are. :D

I’m laughing SO HARD because we probably are similar. I mean, @lilly-white​ has such good taste. I will immediately answer this question. 

Usually, if it has silver hair I probably want to bang it. 

Lastly…. Okay, yes, now the list. No actually, I’ll place the list at the top of this answer and then place all the TMI/too-much-information text under a readmore.

.

                                           T H E   L I S T

Iason (Ai no Kusabi) King of all Seme characters. Since this list is just about banging characters, I have to put him on top. 

Sephiroth - (FF7) my interpretation of him post-Nibelheim: a sane, arrogant, brilliant god and wreck of a person.

Lotor -  (Voltron Legendary Defender) See how high he is on my list? I have him in my ‘to cosplay’ list with not his name but with the text: “I HAVE SUCH A TYPE”. There is nothing about him that I don’t love.

Orochimaru (Naruto) His voice, his arrogance, the cheekbones, and the things he could do with that long tongue. 

Uchiha Itachi / Sasuke / Madara (Naruto) I’ve been trying to choose between these three for 10 years now) (I like the artwork interpretation of the Japanese fan-artist ‘Lily’ best.)��

^That is my hard-bargained top 5 in that order.  Now comes the rest. I still love them tons and tons, but not as much as the ones up ^there. 

Kisame (Naruto) (japanse voice actor) Terrifying face/reputation/fighting methods since he has no qualms with sawing someone’s legs off. But he would make the perfect father of a child. He is muscled, chatty, caring, thoughtful, loyal, sweet, protective and reliable. If I could bang him, I would not prick but punch holes in the condoms.

Skulduggery Pleasant (books by Derek Landy) ASREON DONT JUDGE ME. He is funny, powerful, reliable, cuttroat and has this dark edge that I really dig. 

Loki (as portrayed by Tom Hiddleston) Anywhere in the timeline after he arrived on Earth. I like him under Thanos control, as I like him as ‘shit annoying little brother’. I like it when he is smug: “It buuurns, doesn’t it?” (Avengers) and when he is indignant: “We are not doing ‘get help’.” (Thor: Ragnarok) yet still plays along in the end. 

Oikawa (Haikyuu) because his killer volleyball serve is too sexy, as are his mood switches and his I’m gonna fuck you up-grin. He get to me every time. (Kageyama is also somewhat a fave.)

Lord Carden - Bloodlines (Character from my needs-a-rewrite novel series, Bloodlines. Yes, I want to bang an OC, but in my defence, Lilly also once mentioned wanting to bang him. My friend Jack did too. He is a mix between Iason and Kisame: cutthroat and sexy but best dad.)

Embarrassing TMI & disclaimers & characters that didn’t make the list, are all under the cut!

Disclaimers:

The order listed below is from top(best)-down(last) and always subject to change depending on my mood and fandoms. 

These are characters I would want to bang - not the ones I would sign up to spend the rest of my life with (in most cases that’d be an awfully short life).

I may change this list if anyone brings in better suggestions. 

I can’t decide whether I want to sleep with these people, or want to be these people (role models).  

TMI 

I’m still in the process of trying to figure myself out. I have lived my life as a loner or as a quiet follower (because speaking up was often discouraged in my social circles). 

BUT

My younger brother recently pointed out to me that in almost every relationship there is a leader (the person who initiates plans and decides what and how) and a follower-guardian (who protects the leader from doing anything stupid, this person says “that’s not a good idea” and when they put their foot down it’s DOWN and the leader can do nothing but respect it.)

My brother told me that I’m a leader type: the person that initiates wild adventures. Not the follower-guardian. So OKAY, I’m a leader who thinks she is a follower? I don’t know if I’m sub or dom. 

There is this quote I’m trying to remember, said by either a gay guy or a powerful motherly woman who helps the girl-protagonist. An american production. Intonation is kind. Couldn’t find it with google. Goes something like this: 

“People won’t know whether they want to hate(/fight?) you, want to fuck (/sleep with) you or if they want to be you~

That’s the quote I want to put in here. 

What I usually fall for in a character:

Most of the characters I want to bang are calm, self-assured, don’t get worried fast, and are good at what they do. They firmly hold to a certain view of life. They can hold their own in a discussion. They are NEVER lazy, they are hardworking. They never have a nihilistic approach to life, they want to gain all they can get. They have an arrogance that tastes like honey to me. That cheeky, taunting, unimpressed, underhanded, self-assured, i-know-I’m-right, tone is a drug to me. Some examples are: - “Are you sure about that?” and - “I wouldn’t do that if I were you” and - “Is that the best you can do, Cloud?” and - “Foolish little brother, you’re not strong enough, ku ku ku…” That degrading tone that puts me on my place and him on a pedestal…! Yes, I find that finger-licking attractive. 

But I can never figure out if those tones appeal so much to me because they are spoken from a leader perspective as if to discipline a pet, or from a follower/guardian perspective that calmly undermines the leader’s bad idea. (”Sure Mr. King if you want to follow that route… but I’ll stay here and wait until you come back”)

My current running theory is that I’m a leader who thinks she’s a follower? I’ve not levelled up enough in life to decide where I am as a sexual partner as sub or dom or switch. I’ve been a service top/service dom to 2/3rds of my partners and in the 1/3rd of the occasions I did enjoy being sub but maybe that’s because I prioritised myself there. Usually I focus on my partner and aaaah I’m rambling RAMBLE RAMBLE. tl:dr; I need to get laaaid and figure this ouuuut with a person I truuuust.

Characters that didn’t make the list, but which I wish I could include somewhere in a top 30 are these listed below. You can tell by the bolded font which names I took out of my top 10.  

Maleficent (Angelina Jolie)

Cersei (Lena from Game of Thones)

Icy (Winx Club season 1)

Wonder Woman (as portrayed by Gal Gadot) because she’s a perfect. Marvel Studios gave me a female hero and a female superhuman but they did not give me a female superhero. DC did. I’m such a fan of her.

Lestat

Mai Valentine (Yu-Gi-Oh. But that says little,  I’ve had crushes on almost the entire cast. Mainly Seto Kaiba and Yami-Yugi.)

Victor (Yuri-on-Ice) when he wasn’t shown as a person with feelings but still had his idol status.

Riddick - but then again, who wouldn’t do Vin Diesel as Riddick? Especially the second movie.

Aranea (FF15) She was wonderful as a character but I am still salty she was a bit of a disappointment in the narrative, I expected she would be more involved in the narrative of the game.

V (from V for Vendetta the movie) - again the humour, dark past, power, reliability. I fall in love with him every time I watch the film. But I don’t know if I would do him with his mask off? I like the grandiose idea of him.

I’m going to risk burn marks and put Azula (Avatar series) on here.

Tahno (Avatar Korra series)

Suitengu (Speed Grapher) LYRA YOU MUST WATCH THIS. LISTEN TO LILLY. AND TO ME. WATCH IIIIIIT.

Rufus Shinra - (FF7 ACC)The smug remarks, power, face, count me in.

Pitch (Rise of the Guardians)Light (Death Note manga)  

I will always love Riku (Kingdom Hearts) But since he’s so dear to me and part of a franchise for children, I don’t want to think about having sex with him but I totally want to. It’s a grey area. I like him especially when he is lost in darkness and arrogant. But honestly, I really like him in all timelines. I was not ready for KH3′s version. I will always love Riku.

Last notes:

To summarize, I like murder + power + strong worldview + smug undermining comments + smirks.

I think it is curious that I only listed male characters in my top 10. It seems that I am not as bisexual as I thought, or that modern media fails in adequate female gender representation. I could not have been offered enough female characters of the Wonder Woman quality. Now I’ll post this answer before something glitches and I lose all I typed. 

Hope you liked this!

[catcavecinema]

The Last Witch Hunter (2015)

I can’t believe I am about to write this review. I have been very stressed and busy of late and I couldn’t decide what to watch tonight as a result. I have an endlessly long list but for some reason nothing on it was speaking to me. Then I noticed that The Last Witch Hunter had been added to HBOgo. I paused and quickly considered what I was after for my evening film. 

I have been working exceedingly hard on writing academic papers for grad school and I absolutely don’t want to think right now. This checks that box. For that same reason, I don’t want to have to pay too much attention as I have been intently focusing on things all week. While I hadn’t seen it I felt confident that extreme attention to detail was not going to be a prerequisite for following this film. I really don’t want to be bummed out tonight. Check. Lastly, I want to watch horror but I also want to be laugh. 

“Holy shit,” I thought to myself, “this is the film I am watching tonight.” It was the exactly what I needed. I could sit on my couch and have my very own MST3K night where I watch Vin Diesel LARP in a film that everyone knows is garbage (currently rocking a 16% rating on Rotten Tomatoes). So I strapped in and prepared to stare at the train wreak reveling in my mean-spirited schadenfreude and second hand embarrassment. 107 minutes later, I am here to tell you...its kinda great. 

Now let me clarify, it isn’t good. Watching Vin Diesel act is a bit like watching a cat try to catch a laser pointer. With the cat, you can tell they really want to get that laser and genuinely think they can. Still, for those of us with a grasp of the difference between light and tangible matter, its just funny to watch the kitty struggle to grab that damn dot. The same is true of Vin Diesel trying to portray emotional depth as the immortal witch hunter cursed to live forever without his slain family. I can see him reaching deep, but it is coming up empty. Beyond that, the twist at the end was so pointless and ill conceived that they seemed to try and breeze past it so quick that maybe the audience just wouldn’t notice...but I still think its kinda great. 

The reason why I think that is despite its many flaws, this film is just fucking entertaining. I don’t know if the story about this film being based on Vin’s D&D character is true or an apocryphal story similar to the Steven Segal “best script ever” story, but I kind of believe it as this feels like a passion project to me. I can see Vin Diesel demanding to get to make this film before he will do another Fast and Furious. I can hear him saying he wants to have Ygritte from Game of Thrones (Rose Leslie is her name, but in my imagination he just screamed “GET ME YGRITTE!) in it as a witch just so he could talk to her about GOT during down time. And I just bought all of it. Sure, its silly, but so is D&D. Yes, the CGI makes everything look like it has a weird gloss to it, but I just bought that as reflecting the fact that magic world of Vin Diesel is a black light poster come to life. 

Honestly, about half way through this film I started getting embarrassed by how much fun I was having with it. But with each new magic battle, each new sigil design right out of a teenage metal fans school notebook, each new underground magical hangout, I slowly came to terms with the fact that I like this film. Honestly, and again, I can’t believe that I am thinking this let alone saying it out loud where all can mock me for it, I could see myself watching The Last Witch Hunter again well before I ever watch Doctor Strange for a second time. Not that I didn’t like Doctor Strange, but it lacked a certain cliche darkness that this film had in spades. I’m just going to go ahead and say it, The Last Witch Hunter is the new Constantine (fuck, can you imagine a crossover film where Vin Diesel and Keanu Reeves team up to fight witches and demons together?!?! Take my money now). So yes, you and the critics are correct, its not a good movie...but that doesn’t mean it can’t a great one and I am willing to stand up and defend its honor. Fight me.

3.5 out of 5 cats.

[aurimeanswind]

Sunday Chats—Furious Edition (4-9-17)

Here I am, in a post Fast 5, Fast and Furious 6, and Furious 7 world. I guess let’s talk about it.

Relaxing Sunday & Your Name

To kick things off, today was the first Sunday I officially had off from work since Christmas. I had missed a couple here and there, but it was either because I was sick or because of PAX. So this was the real deal. I mean, I should take some weekends off every now and again, but I never do. I almost always work Saturday and Sunday, and it is pretty killer. Sunday is my favorite day of the week, thus me sharing it with all you lovely readers.

So I kicked off my Sunday getting up early and going to a nice matinee. I had heard good things about Your Name, an anime ass anime movie, and I’m still hungering for romance (as always) so I made the time to go see it.

I really enjoyed it. Above all else, the film is astoundingly gorgeous. Some of the best drawn settings I think I have ever seen in a Japanese animation. The landscapes especially legitimately blew my away. It’s a love story between two young folks, a boy and girl, who keep switching bodies when they go to sleep. The premise is really cool, and they make it cute and wonderful in all the right places, and there were twists, which in general I didn’t expect. But there were aspects of it that were frustratingly long to come to fruition. For me, this tactic usually works very well, but it was just the pacing and the way the two characters were introduced that was very confusing or just not to my liking. In the end, I just needed those romantic feels, and I feel like I never fully got that payoff. The way it goes is something that I’ve seen a great deal in anime, and has worked for me in others (see: Waiting in the Summer) but I just don’t think there was enough of that relationship.

I still really liked it, and feel it was a well told story. It was Ghibli-eqsue, but more grounded, so worth a look

Fast and Furious I guess...

Okay I’ll talk about Fast and Furious.

I have been really hesitant to get into these because it’s y’know... cars. I don’t like cars. I like speed and action that involves cars, but the focus on cars usually gets away from me. And the focus around them was definitely my least favorite part about the three F&F movies I watched. I thought Fast 5 was by far the weakest, and I’m not sure why it’s regarded as the best. The intro was too long, and the big set piece scene of dragging the safe around, which was awesome, just went on for waaaaaay too long.

It was still a ton of fun though. Way more love for Gal Gadot because of her role in Fast 5 and 6. She was super cool, and one of my favorite of the team members. The assembling the team, the heist prep, the running from Rock-Cop, all of that worked for me, but I just felt there was more of it and it was better in F&F6.

I mean, Fast and Furious 6, as I was explaining to a friend earlier, is top-tier because of this incredible scene alone:

But 6 really just hit the ground running and never stopped. The London chase scene, the fucking tank, it was all so good.

Oh and this:

And Furious 7 was really great too. It was maybe too much for me because I was so fucking tired watching it I was falling asleep, but these movies are incredibly exhausting, to be fair. 

I appreciated multiple set pieces in Furious 7, instead of hanging on just one. Also to be fair: 6 had a bunch of great set pieces, but there were like six in Furious 7. It was fucking nuts.

I enjoyed them a ton, Fast and Furious 6 is like, far and away the best one to me, and maybe I’ll go see Fate of the 8. I don’t know. 

BUT THERE. I WATCHED THREE OF THEM. I SAW THE FIRST ONE A LONG TIME AGO. LEAVE ME ALONE JOEY NOELLE.

What’s on Tap

Since it’s just Persona 5 still, I’ll talk a bit more about it. I am about 55-60 hours in now, and I feel like maybe I’m halfway through? Maybe more.

LOVING IT. Literally everything about it is incredible and feels almost hand-made for me. It’s difficult for me to not be hyperbolic about it when I start thinking about it, but it’s also difficult for me to nail down what’s really all that great about it when I’m not in it and playing it. Like, a couple days removed form the last time I played it, I’m sitting here thinking, “well, is it really that good?” and that’s because I need to hold this to the highest of judgement. I can’t just say it’s better than Persona 4 Golden and mark it as my new #1 and be done, I need to be thorough here. As soon as I am a couple hours into my next play session, I’ll be head over heels again. I dream about it. I think about it always. I couldn’t even tell you why right now because it’s all hazy. The game is just that good.

We talked about it a ton of the podcast last night, and I think we had a really great discussion. All the new mechanics, all of the enhancements, they show a team they just really gets their fans, their fanbase, and also understand their own shortcomings. They poured their heart and soul into this game, and did it both for themselves, but also for a fanbase they clearly care a great deal about. I don’t think I’ve seen a developer outside of Naughty Dog so in tune with what their fan base wants even better than I, as a massive fan of theirs, could have imagined.

Again, I’m sure its hyperbolic, but the game makes me emotional, gives me chills and misty eyes in all the right places, and as I’m still very much in it, it’s hard for me to write coherently about it. I don’t even know how I feel about it right now, especially considering I’ve hit such massive moments of intrigue just where I last left off. I can’t wait to see more.

Oh and we’re giving away a copy of Persona 5 on Irrational Passions Podcast! If you are in the UNITED STATES ONLY you can tweet @IrrationalPod on Twitter with the #PersonaQ with one thing you think looks cool about Persona 5 and enter a chance to win a steel book copy of the game!

Questions:

I feel like I conveyed my feelings on the series pretty well, but here are some other highlights:

When the Rock drops the Eff-Bomb almost right after he first appears in Fast 5 is great.

When the Rock throws that guy around the interrogation room.

When Vin Diesel just LIFTS A CAR AND NO ONE QUESTIONS IT?!?!

The Paul Walker tribute was quite good.

The idea of Vin Diesel consistently having superhuman abilities is just generally really funny to me.

All the set pieces. The London chase may have been my favorite.

The movies are good, sometimes great, not amazing. But I’m glad I watched them.

There are so many. Morganna in your bag is a great call out. Watching the character’s faces change in scenes is actually really great. Ryuji’s reactions are great, and so are another character that you see later, that I’ll refrain from going into. All the touches and attention to detail in the Metaverse.

That one they drove from one building, to another building, TO ANOTHER FUCKING BUILDING.

I am 55-ish hours in. I don’t really like comparing the characters to other Persona characters. I fell in the same trap from 3 to 4. And I know these games are going to get a lot of comparisons, but honestly they are so different. It’s not as fair to the characters, specifically, to keep going back and forth comparing them. I think the way they develop those characters merits comparison, but maybe not the people themselves.

As for the best girl stuff... Listen, I honestly really fucking hated where all of the “best girl” “my waifu” bullshit with Persona 4 went. Not just because I think I got the brunt of it being a huge fan of Rise, but there is this weird ownership/dismissiveness to it. Like, I totally get, respect, and love the reasons people loved Chie, or Yukiko. I think by saying someone is best, even in a joking manner, because it all starts jokingly, can be a bit dismissive to other folks, and that was the stuff I really hated about the Persona 4 discussions I got dragged into. When people shit on Rise, who I legitimately  love, again, my favorite video game character of all time, it honest to god hurts and offends me. Sure I’m probably being too sensitive, but Persona should be personal, it should feel incredibly close to your heart, that’s what that series is asking of the player and what its going for, so I want to really set a precedent for that going forward. Lead by example or whatever, and not make this some bullshit arbitrary competition.

I know that was way more agro a response than you were probably expecting Jacob, and sorry to get all intense there. Currently I have not chosen a love interest in my own personal story, and still have one female companion left to join the party (going off boxart alone, and what I’ve seen in the story) so I am waiting to get to know her. I’ll say this: my feelings are confused and all over the place. Figuring out where I land will be very hard.

Well, and I tweeted about it this week, I did apply for a recent editor position. This is probably my 6th or so application. In all fairness, this and my last one were probably my strongest, with the ones before being far more disorganized, but yeah. I tweeted saying “please stop asking me about it” in a (mostly) joking way, but I think it came across as a little rude. I obviously incredibly super appreciate all the support and notifications that came through from folks saying that the job listing was up and I should apply. I got a text almost the moment it went up from a friend letting me know I should apply. I’m humbled so many folks believe I’m qualified.

I just also know the reality that choosing from local San Francisco people as well as their own freelance pool will absolutely come first. I’m in neither of those camps, so it’s pretty much already shipped. And I do know these things, I’ve heard stories, I’ve poured my heart and soul into these applications before, and I’ve never once even gotten a call or email. I’m not trying to be pessimistic or dismissive, just want to set the proper expectation.

Thank you all so much for your support. I’m too lucky to have you all cheering me on.

Haha Persona games like really big long supernatural mystery novels! They massive page turners, which leans right into the mechanic of it being a day-by-day progression!

I’ll say this Logan, and you’re gonna love it when you get to it, but the characters are very smart. They sit down and have big discussions and conversations asking each other the same questions you ask yourself while playing, and even come to realizations you yourself may not have gotten too. Especially where I am at in the story, there is a kind of secondary mystery going on that is perplexing both me and my gang of misfits, and the conversations surrounding that mystery or thorough, explored, and just super well done.

Fuck. This game is so good.

EPCOT is super cool! For me, I’ve never really been there as an adult, and it only gets better then. I mean honestly, just walking around the World Showcase is super cool. There is food from a bunch of different places, beer and alcohol from there as well (if you’re into that Harold). I really liked Mission Space, but it’s pretty intense, I don’t know if you’d like it. They have a Green version that’s not super motion-y so you may have fun with that.

I really loved the Ellen/Bill Nye ride there, but apparently that’s gone now. Otherwise, just enjoy the setting, enjoy the food! It’s probably the most fun park to just look at, in my opinion. Oh, and the spaceship Earth ride is a classic!

I did not, but it was definitely immensely sad. It gave me a greater appreciation for Paul Walker and his work. They were running a promo on the Xbox Video Store, where I rented all the movies from, where a portion of the proceeds went to the charity foundation that Paul Walker helped start, so that’s good.

I don’t know... Like, probably the characters that just feel like big copies of the other universe’s characters. Like Firestorm feels like a cheap human torch. I know he isn’t and Firestorm probably came first or whatever, but one character just never felt as interesting to me.

I don’t think there is a standout disaster comic book character for me though.

How about all the characters from The Walking Dead, even though I’ve never read the comic and just really hate the show now.

Like a lot.

When I want to. When it’s time.

I had to look this up because I had no idea what it was. Seems silly and dumb. Roger Pokorny tweeted this out at some point this past week, and I thought it was fucking hilarious:

I believe it’s edited, but it’s still so fucking funny.

The Rock is so great. I realized this week that I don’t think I had ever actually watched a movie with him in it. Like, Moana does not have him physically in it, even though he is so good in it. But yeah, he is really the thing that pushed me over the edge to watch them. And Joey Noelle’s borderline harassment. 

And the safe dragging was great, just went on for too long.

Yeesh. I don’t know. I’m probably living my biggest regret, and it’s probably in regards to finding love.

But really, I don’t know. Taking as long as I did to finish school? Getting sick in high school? I have a lot. Many my closest friends would say were “out of my control” but... That lingering responsibility really messed me up.

This is a great questions! Beignets is the answer. There was this local restaurant near me that only served beignets during their Sunday brunch, and they were so fucking good. It was the only thing that could get me to tear my ass out of bed on the weekend back when I was in grade school.

Then, suddenly, THEY STOPPED SERVING THEM. And literally no good reason was given. I know I could just go to New Orleans and get beignets any day of the week, but i don’t have that power or capability!

Ahg. Still makes me so mad to this day.

Shoutouts

Shout out to P Studio, for taking my heart.

Again.

That’s all I got. Sorry for the shitty shoutout this week, but I am tired from all my furiousness. 

I’m gonna go crash now. Love you all. Love your support.

keep it real.

[mrsmythe101-blog]

As I Pass, Do I Give You The Ass Or The Crotch? (The Fire Wheel 2017 Volume 4)

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. life is. trying to take my mind off what has been going on so let's see if this helps.

 1. Fences (2016)- So based on the stage play, this is a really good adaption. Set in the 50's, Denzel "king kong aint got nothing on me" Washington and Viola Davis play a married couple seemingly having a decent life but lord knows there is cracks in the vase if you know what I mean. Denzel's son has aspirations to play sports but Paw Paw ain't hearing that noise. Not cause he is worried about failure or something but because he is a failed athlete himself. And he has demons to boot. All the while his faithful wife sticks by his side until a little twist towards the end but that shit on the shelf. Really great acting but at times feels a little heavy handed. Not a big deal in the long run. Get it, Fences is a metaphor. A-

 2. The Fate Of The Furious (2017)- Oh man these flicks are like cockroaches. Cars are flying. And just like flying cockroaches, you know it's time to get the hell out of dodge. No pun intended. So I have been only keeping up half assedly so I have no idea what is what. I realize that some of the movies are not in exact order. Like one character dies like 5 movies back but is back for the last few. Actually 2 characters are like that. Speaking of which, the replacement (token white boy) they trot out has the personality of a malfunctioned dildo. So in this one, Vin "Baby Groot" Diesel has gone bad. Or is it a trick/plan? The effects are so off the wall and storyline is bat shit crazy you figure at this point, they are just fucking with the audience to give up that money. When Ludacris can stop a missile with his bare hands, now you know you done  jumped the shark and the goddamn ocean. Can't wait till the next one when the inevitably get to space. You know that shit is coming. Probably be looking for Spock or some shit. He can drive one hell of a stick shift. Pun intended.  B-

 3. The Zookeeper's Wife (2017)- Hollywood will never get tired of telling tales of the crimes of WW2/ Nazi's. This one has a couple in Poland who took in Jews and their animals when the Nazi's attacked the country. I thought this might get tedious cause it seems I have seen all kinds of Nazi movies the last few year's but this was really fascinating. Sad and you take in perspective really how fucked up times were back then. Shit times are fucked up now, what am I talking about.  B+

 4.The Belko Experiment (2017)- What a experiment of a movie. So set in Colombia (big red flag right there) where this corporate high rise employees all kinds of people mainly Americans. So everyone is friendly for the most part, you do get that occasion of the office pervert (played by the head doctor from Scrubs). So all of a sudden some voice comes on the intercom saying that some people are going to die unless you kill this many people. No one believes it, thinking it's a joke. BUT check this. These idiots who are so desperate for work I guess, has agreed before they start said job that it would be ok for this mysterious company to implant chips inside their head. So these voices have the power to set off these chips and people's heads start blowing up like a goddamn sequel to Scanners. So after about 20 people catch a fade like that, the voices are like we need 40 people dead or we killing more of you all at random. So a few dude's join up like a posse and decide yeah we about to kill folks so we don't die. And basically it just escalates from there. The question of morality and to do right or wrong. Or does human nature for the need to survive make you do things that just a few hours prior you would think is totally out of the question. Very interesting think piece. Also they can't get out cause they get barricaded in. I would just try to flush myself down a toilet. Improvising.  C+

 5.Critters 2 (1988)- I wanna thank Nicole and her man for pulling me into this one. I don't remember seeing Part 1. I'm sure I have but fuck it let's do Part 2. So these furry little bastards with teeth like piranha land back on earth looking for flesh meat. The subtitle is 'The Main Course', get it? Wow this is 80's cheesy to the ninth degree. The effects, dialogue, acting, hell I bet even the catering, all cheesy. This is a the ultimate make fun of it flick while you watch. Nothing wrong with turning your brain off and laying in the sea of stupidity.  C-

 6. Arrival (2016)- At first had no interests in this when it was first released. But this was a free screening so hey free is my favorite word. Amy Adams is this professor who get's recruited by the government when it seems that the world is under siege by aliens who have come to earth. Now they are not attacking or anything, just like 12 ships in random cities around the world just chilling in one place hovering in the sky. So people all over are paranoid wondering what's going on? Are they friendly, or have other motives? They make contact with them and then the movie becomes about some ancient language. You have to pay attention to this flick, leave the room 5 minutes come back, what the hell is going on? Critters 2 you can leave the room for a hour and come back and be like oh they still eating people huh? Here nah none of that. Also on a side note Amy is dealing with the sudden death of her daughter and have nightmares about it. They pop a twist on you which you can see coming if you are paying attention but wasn't bad. A very interesting question they bring up, a moral dilemma on how you would handle a situation if you knew the outcome beforehand. Lot's of movies this month have moral obligations, except Critters 2. The only dilemma is when is the good time to take a shit.  B+

 7.Free Fire (2017)- Set in Boston 1978, a bunch of hoods all meet up in a warehouse to do a big deal on some firearms. One thing leads to another, a rare coincidence, tempers flare, words are thrown about. Before you know it someone get's shot. Then everyone is shooting at each other. Very claustrophobic where it is all set in this warehouse in Boston (actually shot in England). Some funny one liners, not a movie with a lot to say. A nice tight hour and a half which is perfect for this. Anything longer would of been overkill, pun intended. One thing that got me was there was one black dude. Set in Boston. 1978. And not one racial sample of jargon came out of no one's mouth. There we go Hollywood making strides! Just don't go to a Red Sox game now. Hey who threw those peanuts!?   C+

 8. The Circle (2017)- So I had not heard of the book before seeing this but reading some reviews, people think the book sucks. Hey it is all subjective so let's check the movie instead. A young lady get's a job at some high profile tech company only to find out things are not what it seems. A very interesting cast Emma Watson (she is everywhere!), Bill Paxton (ah man, sad),  Patton Oswalt (what is he doing here?), the black dude from the force awakens (hey that guy is getting work, cool!), Beck (seriously, what is he doing here??), and Thomas Hanks (the bad dude). This movie doesn't know if it wants to be satire, a weird comedy, or deadly serious which would be just sad. I have to see it again but I left out like what the hell was that? They all can't be winners, unless of course you are involved with Critters 2. If so then you won in life my friend.  D+

  That is it for the month of April. So far for the year, we are up to 40. Even threw the bullshit of life I try to at least have one thing I can look forward to doing. Hopefully you will be around for next month. Take care.

[hmsbeefnuts-blog]

Confessions of a Cinemaholic

Hey Guys! Yeah I totally Youtubed the opening, and why not? Have to start this bullshit somehow!! I spent a whole hell of a lot of time at the cinema this week, so I'm gona leave that till last and try and cover some of the other things I've done to keep my mind off of politics, work and all the other boring shit that seems to be flooding my twitter feed with alarming regularity! As I write this I have just finished Watchdogs 2 (20:14 22/1/17). It was a most enjoyable game, one that I wasn't sure I was going to buy, turns out Santa picked it up for me, and I'm very glad he did. I'm almost sad it's over, I have very much enjoyed driving, running and hacking my way around San Francisco. Highly recommended, and much better than the first game in the series. Not sure if I said this last week, but I started a new book, #2 this year. THEM! By Jon Ronson. Enjoying it so far, as our author travels the world talking to extremists, and revealing how strange, sad, bizarre and at times truly pathetic, these people are. Very breezy and fun read, written in a very funny and interesting style. Big fan so far! TV wise I haven't seen much of anything, but did manage to see episode 2 of Taboo. Still very much liking this show, very mysterious, not exactly sure what is going on but I am enjoying finding out what it's gona be. Before I hit on the cinema experiences I've had this week I would like to mention a film I managed to catch on YouTube, one that I've been wanting to see for ages! It's called Roar (1981) and it really defies explanation, but I'm gona try. Basically this is a film about a man who is studying big cats in Africa, by living with them in his house. There are like 100 lions, tigers, leopards, and cougars living in this dudes house, then his family arrive. So far, not that interesting? Well the fact that they really filmed with all these cats in close proximity to the actors, and that the actors were often horrifically injured by these cats, is were the interesting part comes in. These cats aren't trained and all these actors are fucking crazy. They attack the actors and cause real injuries, it's really one of the most stressful films I've ever seen, but I can't believe it was filmed. Really worth checking out just as a curio I think. Right, deep breath, here we go! Since last Sunday I have managed to see 5 films, taking my tally this year to 9 and well on track for my 100 this year! Let's deal with the rubbish first. SING! 1/5 I saw this this morning and I have very rarely been so bored. There was nothing good about this film. There was no humour, the cast was wasted, the premise was basically X Factor with animals, and I could not give less of a shit. Avoid! Next we have Underworld: Blood Wars 1.5/5. Umm I talked about this on Screen Fiends this week, so for a fuller account check out the last episode. Basically Things happen at night, with loads of goth type people fighting lots of scruffy farmer types, with Kate Beckinsale being sexy. This film gets a whole .5 for the quality of the bad vampire girls cleavage revealing dresses, sorry it's true. The worst Underworld movie, a shame as I kind of like the others as cheesy fun. Avoid. The Bye Bye Man 2/5. Again I've talked about this on the podcast. Not good, but not truly bad. I really liked the monster design. Bad acting though. XXX: The Return of Xander Cage 3.5/5. Ok. Wow. Rarely has a film this stupid been so much fun. I don't think I've had this much fun in a cinema for along time. This was perfect B Movie fare, and ranks along with modern action classics like Crank/2 and Fast and the Furious movies, although it never quite reaches their amazingness in my view. This is not a 'good film', it's not 'good cinema' but boy is it a great movie! I laughed all the way through at what started ridiculous, and just ramped up to silly levels. Really hoping we see more of Vin Diesel in these movies, and I truly hope we get to see the XXX Team take on the Fast & Furious lot in a huge VS movie. And yes, I want Vinny D pulling double duty as Xander and Dom!! Make it so!! Ok the real movie of the week, and the one I think you should all check out is Split, the new M. Night Shyamalan movie, 4/5!! I'm on record as saying I've not been a fan of M. Night's films for a while now, since at least The Village, and his last film, The Visit was fucking abysmal. But, I'm back on board the Shyamalan Express with this one. James McAvoy is truly great as a man who has 23 (6) personalities all jostling for 'the light' and control of his body. The rest of the cast is pretty good too, except a certain cameo half way through, stick to directing eh? I don't want to spoil too much, but there is a twist, of sorts, at the end, and it is very very interesting indeed! I really want to talk about this so I expect some of you to watch this!! It's my big recommend for this week! Right that's really it. Feels like the longest one I've written, so sorry about that! As always follow me on twitter @hmsbeefnuts and @screenfiendspod and listen to Screen Fiends on iTunes or whichever podcast provider you like best, please leave a review and subscribe, it would be awfully decent of you. You can also listen to my other podcast @twoguysagirland Two Guys a Girl and on iTunes etc. It's a bit of a laugh! Until next week, have fun doing what you like to do best, don't be dicks and be awesome! Oh and remember, it's dangerous to go alone... read this!!