#also i think becoming more comfortable w being aro has helped me. become more comfortable w gender and sexuality things. which has been

[thekidsarentalright]

i have got to get weirder w my gender presentation and identity fr

[mcmoth]

BOIS

The aro c!Tommy propoganda is done.

Here:

Friends can be Home, too

Summary:

Love. The thing that supposedly drove the world, that made everyone happy. He thought he knew love. But maybe… maybe not. Maybe there has been something deeply, intangibly wrong about him this whole time, and he hadn't even known. Not to this extent.

'Cause he knew before. Knew it in the unease in his bones, and the panic in his brain, and the annoyed buzz in his chest. But… but he had doubted.

 He couldn't doubt anymore.

A journey of introspection, self doubt, and realizing you're not alone.

Or read on ao3!

Warnings: swearing, internalized arophobia, which includes self doubt, a bit of self hate, that sort of stuff. Also, this will have like, mentions of attraction and all that stuff, and Tommy gets pretty confused, so if you'd like to avoid that? This isn't the fic for you, ig. Btw, as a reminder, this is all set in the dsmp universe and is not about the irl people in any way.

Now onto the fic!

Welp.

Tommy sure is ready to stab someone right now.

Well, not really. More accurately he wanted to run, or shrivel up into a fucked up raisin, or snap, or just exist in darkness right now. Because there were his two best friends, cuddling on the couch. And he was sat there, next to them, supposed to be enjoying movie night.

It's not like he wasn't happy for them. They can do what they want, he reminded himself, again and again. They're just expressing their love, they're just close, and Tommy has to stop being such a fucking oddball about it. This wasn't weird. It wasn't weird.

And he could even see Ranboo giving him looks, probably about to ask something stupid. But if he made any comment, expressed discomfort, that would just be him being a dick and a weirdo. He's not going to ruin this for them. He just has to… to ignore it. To ignore it. He can do that. Yes.

“You alright, Tommy?”

Tommy's jaw snapped, he could feel his teeth grinding, and the couch was feeling all too small. So with a fast raise to his feet, he stumbled away, throwing a brash “fine" Ranboo's way, something burning deep in the pit that was his chest.

It was fine. It was fine. Why wasn't it fine? What the fuck was wrong with him??

Maybe he was just…

Jealous.

 

***

 

“I think I have a crush on Hannah.”

Tubbo and Ranboo stilled. The silence was… bad.

“oh?”

Tommy gulped, anxiously crinkling the chip bag he got from targay. “Y-yeah.”

Tubbo hummed. “I've never seen you interact with her much. When… did that start?”

Tommy's mind buzzed, and he resisted crushing the food in his hands, reclining heavily against the backrest of the bench. “I-I don't know, uh, recently? I guess? She's just… nice. She uh…. Has pretty hair? And she gave me a flower once! That was just, swe- uh, poggers of her, so. Yeah. I just think… yeah.”

Tubbo nodded, head tilting. “Do you think she likes you back?”

Tommy's eyes widened, and he didn't know why he laughed, but he did, and when he responded, he himself was taken aback by the hiss accompanying the words. “No!! She- why would- no- no, I mean… m-ma- I don't know??”

Ranboo swung his tail. “She better not. I mean, how old is she?”

“What does that matter?”

Ranboo stared. “You’re a child. Technically.”

Tommy bristled. “Fuck you, I am a big man! I'll kill you!”

The conversation moved on after that, and Tommy, somewhere along the way, quickly got lost. Head filled with cotton, electricity running through his veins, feeling horribly, oddly, humiliated and strangely… dissatisfied.

They didn't care. And he just felt more confused than ever.

…Why did he even do that?

 

***

 

Tommy was walking, grass up to his knees, a lead in hand. When he reached the village, he tied it to a fence, patting his borrowed horse before placing feet on the path, comforted by the gravel crunching beneath his feet, the feel of the sun on his neck. He looked around, at the wooden houses and half stacked stalls and idle chatter. He looked around and he thought.

He thought back to older days. This was… strangely nostalgic. Walking alone, in an unfamiliar town, the vastness of the world enveloping him in it's many potentials. He still wasn't sure when he felt better. Running around on the streets, just trying to survive, noone by his side, weak but naïve, hopeful. Or now, with some people to care for and trust, a place to return to, enough food in his pack, but shouldered with the weight of a dozen betrayals, life slipping past him three times too many. In a sense, he was still just trying to survive. Everything was so different now, yet the same.

He supposes, one thing that remained, was the sense of loneliness.

He grasped the front of his shirt, taking in the beating of his heart, looking at the strangers mingling amongst themselves. At the pairs, at the couples, at the families, sharing laughs and smiles, a contrast to the furrowed brows or tired amusement of shopkeepers and the idle folk visiting them.

He had always wanted a family.

…there was one way to get a family.

Someone to share laughs with. Someone who would comfort you. Someone who would take your hand, or hold you through the night, and never even leave. Someone who promises to stay.

It was a nice thought.

So why was it so hard to conceptualize? To imagine, to picture someone actually coherent, to look at a person and go – yes. I want to be your partner.

...eugh. just that sentence made his whole nervous system do a double take.

But why? Why? Was it the betrayals? Was it some fucked up self conscious mind shit? Was that it? Was he just fucked up in the head? Maybe.

Maybe.

But as it is, he knew he liked girls. He did. He liked them. They were… they were nice. Like Niki, who smelled of baked goods, and had a soft smile, and who had once given him a hug when she found him crying during the revolution, and who looked very nice in dresses. Or Puffy, who had made him a pickaxe when he asked for one, and who opposed Jack in stealing his hotel, and who offered him therapy, and she had really cool horn rings. Or Hannah, with her red flowers, and pretty builds, and the way the nature seemed just a bit more lively with her around, and her laugh was bright with mischievous intent that he could empathize with. They… they were nice. Yeah. Most girls were so nice.

So why… why hadn't he found one that he could. Actually picture doing… anything. In his head. No kissing, no dates, none of that… shmuck. It was just… he could see many girls his age running around, just now, in front of his eyes, many running through his mind as he searched his memories. None of them… no. And he tried thinking of boys, but that didn't… no. Not that either. …Enbies?

No… no, nothing… nothing felt. Good. None of it felt good, he just felt sick, he just felt weird, he didn't even feel dirty per se, but more like he was charting into foreign grounds, into something alien, and none of the thoughts he forced to visualize behind his eyelids, fleeting from how quickly he shut them out, felt like him. It didn't feel like him.

His fingers trembled, his chest felt tight, throat choked, and his head, on his shoulders, heavy and woozy and oh so muddled. He felt his heart race. Was… was that it? Maybe that was a sign. People said heart racing was a sign of attraction. Was there anyone in particular who did that? Maybe he was wrong – he was not lacking or messed up or broken, he just had buried the feelings so deep below his ribs, underneath fabricated doubts and trauma and the disconnect he had with reality and relationships in general, and once he got over those barriers, and just found someone, he would experience that joy that everyone spoke about. That closeness. He just had to… allow himself to get closer. To know more people, know them better.

That was… that was probably it.

But no matter. He raised his eyes, his senses coming back to him like the wind blowing his hair out of his eyes, blinking at the noise around him.

After all, he still came here for a reason.

 

***

 

“Yeah, I like these ones the best,” Tubbo said as he handed Tommy the various colored discs. Tommy nodded, smiling as he sorted through them, writing down the names in his notepad, feeling little stones dig into his elbows. Tubbo joined him fully on the ground, laying down next to him. “What do you need these for, anyways?” he blinked, and there was a smirk growing on his face. “Are they for… someone?”

Tommy furrowed his brows, staring at the other. “What?”

Tubbo chuckled nervously, waving his hand around as he stumbled over his words. “You- you know. Like a gift? Are you going to… to try to, get someone?”

Tommy’s stare just became sharper, becoming even more confused. “What??” What the fuck was he talking about?

“You know, like a- a date?” Tommy blanked. “Cause- you know, you've been talking about girls a lot lately, and I just thought-"

“No.” Tommy interrupted, feeling numb. “No, it's not for a fucking girl.”

“Oh.” Tubbo laid on the grass, clearly uncomfortable. He began to tear up the leaf he had picked up. “Sorry, I just thought- I'm not really good at this whole thing… sorry for assuming. W- …what is the reason, then?”

Tommy sighed, thankful for the topic change. “It's for… you know how I’m going to therapy?”

Tubbo hummed in affirmation.

“Puffy suggested that, since I like music, I should like, indulge in that, use it to calm myself or give myself something to do, that junk. So I’ve just been. Collecting, I guess.” He looked over the list again, then closed the notepad and sat up, discs in hand. “I wanna build a place where I just keep all the records, maybe I’ll even sell the ones I don't like. Good business practice, you know?”

Tubbo brightened. “Oh! That sounds really cool! If you need help with the building part, I can help you, by the way!”

Tommy looked at Tubbo's grin, so sweet and infectious, and his heart thawed, thinking of working with Tubbo again, building towards something together. It was a nice thought. “Alright.”

It would be nice to be with Tubbo again.

 

***

 

Tommy felt miserable.

This… this was miserable. He didn't know why. It really shouldn't be – it was just music. He was just sorting through all of his music, picking ones he liked, picking ones to comfort him, he loved music, it was fine, it just…

Why did so many of the songs have to be about love.

It made him feel angry and hurt and alone in a particular way that was so familiar and yet so utterly different. Because when he felt alone before, he fought with himself the same, he sunk into the thoughts of being unlovable or broken or undeserving of company, but at least he could understand it. At least he could look back now and think “Dream was a bitch" and that would be some solace. At least he could have hope that even if he was unlovable, he could still love. Love others. Try to seek others. Even if he never got that back.

But now, hearing all the poetics and sweet confessions that were in such abundance, something that sounded so passionate and revered, so integral, it was like looking into another reality he didn't, couldn't, understand, and suddenly, he felt more alien than ever before.

And most importantly, how fucking stupid that was, that the thing that made him feel that way was love.

Love. The thing that supposedly drove the world, that made everyone happy. He thought he knew love. But maybe… maybe not. Maybe there has been something deeply, intangibly wrong about him this whole time, and he hadn't even known. Not to this extent.

Cause he knew before. Knew it in the unease in his bones, and the panic in his brain, and the annoyed buzz in his chest. But… but he had doubted.

He couldn't doubt anymore.

God….

He laid on the ground, head to the cold floor, the record still spinning. The noise bounced off the dark wooden walls and into his skull, grating and aching. He covered his ears, messed up his hair, breathed in and out. In and out. What was wrong. What was wrong.

The record fell to silence. Then it started back again, as it automatically swapped out. Next.

His fingers felt restless, his whole body did. He tapped his skull, feeling the thumps echo. Breathe in, and breathe out. Breathe-

“-ow will I ever know you enough to love you, if you're hiding who you are?

Don't ask me to explain-"

He startled, his breath catching. This disc was scratchier than the others. It felt different. Something in him drew in the lyrics, head loud. He blinked.

…He's not hiding. Is he? Hiding what? He’s- no. Just- Breathe in-

“-Who are you hiding from, across the table with a penny in each eye?

Don't ask me to explain, don’t ask me to explain-"

His breath escaped, arms trembling as his body froze. He didn't understand. He couldn't explain. He wanted to cry. Something was unravelling.

“I'd like to marry all of my close friends, and live in a big house together by an angry sea,”

He sobbed.

He did, he thought, with surprise, as the tears fell.

“Am I the devil's marbles don't move on without me,

Who will be watching my body when I sleep?

Who will I believe in?”

Something… yeah.

Something happened.

Because suddenly, all that stress, all that confusion, all that loathing, was detangling, and the tears ran deep, ran painful, silent, wheezing screams escaping as the sobs continued. He couldn't breathe. His chest was tight. His head swam, and he felt oh so light headed. Light. He felt light. Happy. He felt alive.

He felt understood.

He- he wanted that! He could- he wanted to live with his friends, with Tubbo with Ranboo. He wanted to stay as friends. He wanted them to protect him, to be able to trust them, to be able to protect them in turn, he wanted to reside with them, he wanted to sleep amongst them, to have them watch over him, safe, he wanted to wake up in the morning and see the sun rise with then, he wanted to have casual dinner with them, he wanted to grow old together with them. As friends. As friends.

Friends.

What a lovely thing…

He could… he could live with his friends…

He could build a family with his friends.

And he didn't even care at that moment that he didn't know how Tubbo and Ranboo would feel about that. He didn't care whether they'd want him at their house, whether they'd want him around at all. He didn't even care, at that moment, if he couldn’t join them.

Because he realized that it was a possibility at all. Just the prospect, just the thought, the realization, that spending your life, being intimate, finding a stable ground, with your friends, not romantic partner, was possible, that it was possible to not be able to feel otherwise, that it was shared by other people, who wrote this song, who sung it, who had thought about it…

It meant he couldn't be that alone after all.

“It's so easy to lie to myself,

And pretend that I could love you, but I can't"

And oh so comforting it was, that he couldn't.

 

***

 

“Ey, Ranboo! Bitchboy!”

Ranboo suppressed a smile, an exasperated sigh hissing through his teeth. Tail swishing, he glanced to the other boy, who was down below, standing in the snow.

“C'mere!! I gotta give you something.” He yelled.

Ranboo raised a brow, but complied, closing the window he had been looking out of. After making a quick detour to check on Michael, he made his way down the stairs and stepped out of the doorway and into the light. Tommy bounded to him, big grin on his face. He seemed jumpier than usual. Ranboo smiled in turn. “what is it?”

Tommy opened his mouth, then closed it, instead going to rummage through his bag. What he took out was a… box? “Here, fuckboy.”

Ranboo winced, taking the container. “Don't call me that.”

“Why, what does it mean?”

Ranboo stared. “Just…. Don't.”

Tommy blinked, laughing nervously. “o-okay.”

Moving on, Ranboo inspected the item in his hands. It was medium sized, and made of simple, but elegant, smooth black wood. On the top, there was a leather sign embedded in it, with the word Beloved stitched into it. His ears flickered. This seemed… awfully nice. “What’s in it?”

Tommy scoffed. “Just open it, you twat.”

Ranboo, with a glance, could see the anxious way Tommy was holding himself, seeming impatient and uncomfortable. So he wasted no more time, and clicked open the surprisingly sturdy iron latch after a moment of struggling, and what awaited him inside was…

“…Discs…?”

Ranboo held his breath, fingers twitching as he held the gift. …was it a gift?

Tommy was staring at the ground. “Yeah. You know, I’ve just been traveling around, collecting, and I wanted to…” He seemed to shake himself lightly, hands wringing. “I wanted to give you some, I guess. That… yeah. These are yours.”

Ranboo was stiff, still perceiving the actual gift in his hands, that looked hand made, that was hand picked, that Tommy had worked to attain, just to give to him. His tail curled, and he carefully, delicately closed it's lid and hugged it close to his chest. “I… Thank you. Thank- O-oh wow…”

Tommy scowled. “You look like a fish. It's not a big deal. Just… take a listen sometime, won't ya?”

“Y-yeah!” Ranboo reverently nodded, cursing the way his eyes felt misty. “Yeah, I’ll… I’ll definitely listen, and cherish it. Thank you, Tommy.”

Tommy curtly nodded. “Alright. Pog.” And then, he was turning around, walking away with a quick “Share it with your family, too, some day. Bye.” Thrown or his shoulder.

And then, he was gone.

 

***

Tubbo heard music down the hall.

Ears tilting towards the pleasant sound, he skipped with bare feet over to the source, evening light casting warm glow through the windows as he went. When he arrived, to what was Michael's bedroom, he found Ranboo on the couch, curled gently over their son, head resting on his little head as he seemed to just… listen, wistful. Michael was listening too, letting out a little yawn as he turned his head to snuggle even deeper into his parent's warm embrace. Tubbo smiled softly at the scene.

Quietly, he patted over to them both, Ranboo eventually noticing him and watching him as he did. Tubbo buried a hand in Ranboo's hair, and the other leaned in. “What are you listening to?”

Ranboo didn't rush to explain, letting the comforting silence fill the space. When he spoke, it reminded Tubbo of soft flower petals and honey. “I didn't know Tommy's music taste was so…”

Tubbo blinked, turning to the disc lazily turning on the jukebox near them.

“-But in the end, I don't really care what you think,

Cause the bottom line is you make me happier than I’ve ever been...”

“wholesome.” He chuckled, fondly.

Tubbo hummed, unsurprised. “Tommy gave you these?”

Ranboo leaned more heavily in the couch. “Yeah. I don't know why, but…”

Tubbo's smile only deepened as he thought. Slowly, he replied, “I think he just wanted to show you he cared.”

Ranboo seemed to lose his breath a little, looking up at the other. “You think so…?”

Tubbo carded his fingers through Ranboo's hair, looking past Ranboo's twitching ears. “Tommy doesn't do things like these without reason. If he gave you something, it’s safe to say you mean a lot to him. He doesn't like to show it, usually, but… that I know.”

Ranboo stared at the turning of the discs, breathing softly. His tail curled around Michael. “Oh.”

Tubbo sat down at his feet and joined in.

Hearts warm, they laid there and listened until the sun had cast it's last rays and the jukebox no longer had a melody to spin.

 

***

 

Tommy sat behind the counter, feet on the counter, just trying to eat his discount chips while some people were being dumb children.

“Stop throwing the fucking food! I'll have to clean this up later!” He whined, to which Tubbo and Ranboo just threw him a glance, Tubbo’s apathetic and Ranboo's at least vaguely guilty, before Tubbo went right back and threw another gummy worm Ranboo's way.

Tommy scowled. “Seriously. At least pick them up and eat them.”

Ranboo made a face of disgust. “I'm not gonna eat candy off the floor, Tommy.”

“Yeah, some of us don't eat mud, Tommy.” Tubbo added.

“There’s no fucking mud here! It's a clean floor! You can totally pick them up and eat them, what the fuck!”

Tubbo raised his brows, staring. “Okay, then go and eat them, trash boy.”

“Okay, that's it.” Tommy raised to his feet, left his chip bag on the table and ran to Tubbo. Tubbo squawked, crawling onto the armchair he was reclining in to curl into a ball around his bag, but Tommy just threw himself onto the armchair with him, trying to reach for the candy. Which, considering the position, it was more like he was half-tickling, half hugging the other more than anything. “Give me that.”

Tubbo just burst out laughing, trying to hide deeper into the couch, attempting to kick the other away. “St-Stoppp!”

“C'mon, you disobeyed my shop's rules, I’m just confiscati-"

Something hit his head. Tommy stilled.

Ranboo peeked from behind his own candy bag, before digging into it again.

Tommy laid off of Tubbo slightly, raising like a puffed up cat. “Ranboo, you fuck!”

Tubbo laughed again, and Tommy was about to go on a murder spree, only for all the commotion to halt when they heard a sudden 4th voice.

Michael.

“Oh shit.”

Ranboo sighed. “He's awake. C'mon.”

Tubbo sighed as well, rolling out of the couch and dragging his feet towards the source of the oinks. “For the record, this is not my fault.”

Both of the other boys gave him the stink eye, but in the name of preserving needed ceasefire they held their tongues.

Michael was sitting up in Tommy's bed that resided in the backrooms, rubbing sleep out of his eyes and hiccuping. Tubbo reached for him, lifting him up. “Aww, did we wake you up? I'm sorry, little bossman.”

Michael clutched Tubbo's shirt, muttering something in piglin.

“He's asking what all that noise was.” Tommy quickly translated, before turning his eyes back to the kid and saying something soft in piglin back. Michael listened, seeming to quiet a little.

Ranboo, gathering that it was an affirmation, smiled and took one of Michael's hooves gently. “Yeah, we were just having fun. Do you want to have fun, too, Michael?”

Michael’s big eyes widened, and he wiggled in Tubbo's grip. “Ye! Ye!”

They chuckled, and Tubbo transferred his hold of Michael to Ranboo, who led the way in making it back to the front of the shop, chatting with his son all the while.

Tommy bumped his shoulder with Tubbo's as they walked, but didn't say anything further. Tubbo bit back a grin.

The next hour was spent feeding Michael and letting him listen to some new discs. Tommy even remembered he had some records that were in piglin, some songs, some stories, and put them on, which seemed to enrapture Michael quite a bit, immersed in the new voices and tales and familiarity. The three boys let him sit in Ranboo's lap and get lost in his own world, residing on a couch together and quietly chatting, around them comfortingly dark walls, bookshelves and the smell of wood and candles.

Eventually, the conversation steered.

“You know, Tommy, why don't you join us?”

…huh?

Tommy blinked, willing his breathing to restart and for the words to come. “W-what?”

Tubbo looked at him with warm eyes and a trepidant smile. “Like, how would you feel about coming to Snowchester? Live with us?”

Ranboo waved his hand. “Of course, you don't have to! But we just thought, you know, if you'd like a bit more, uh, company…”

“We want to be with you, is all.” Tubbo added quietly.

Tommy's heart raced, and he only blinked more, hands clutching the fabric of his pants. “B- be with me… are you…” he gulped down the butterflies clogging down his windpipes, still trying to understand that this is real. “are you sure…?”

Ranboo grinned, patting Michael's head idly. The piglin looked up at them. “Yeah! You're family, Tommy, after all.”

Tubbo tilted his head. As Tommy was still struggling to respond, he assured, “You don't have to if you don't want to, big man. No pressure.”

Tommy laughed, weak and breathless, but bright. “No, I-I’d- I'd really want that, but…” he gestured, trying to put his worries to sudden coherent sentences. “wouldn't that be… awkward? Like… you two, just, l-lovebirds," he chuckled clumsily, “and then there's… me, just, there?”

Tubbo shared a look with Ranboo, then turned back and laughed. “You won't be a third wheel, if that's what you’re asking.”

“Yeah, it's not like we’re really romantic partners, even, it'll be fine.” Ranboo said.

Tommy stilled.

Blinked.

“Uhw- what?”

The other two tensed, Tubbo quickly glancing at his husband before grimacing, thinking deep on how to explain it. “You know, we… we're not really… romantic? We just decided to marry? But we're… not platonic either, it's…”

“I-It's something inbetween. Queerplatonic is the word? I think?”

“It's hard to explain-"

“There's- there's a word for that? And you were- Like. Friends? Living together, this whole time??” Tommy reeled, head in hand.

“Well, not exactly friends, or at least, with how we decide to label our relationship, but… yes?”

“Oh my-" Tommy slumped forwards, now both of his hands holding his head upright, just. Breathing. “Shit. What the fuck. I…” he laughed, wrecked.

Tubbo and Ranboo stared at him, uncomfortable. Tubbo frowned. “Look, if you… if you're gonna say something, I’d rather-"

“No- nono, it's…” he raised his eyes, slowly, like coming out of a cave and into the light. His words tripped upon his tongue, but he was so eager to know. “So you two don't want… romantic partners?”

They blinked. “Not… particularly, no.” Ranboo replied. “…are you okay?”

Tommy laughed. It sounded stilted even to his ears, senses muddled as he was wrapped up in his own head, his own elated feelings, his heart nearly bursting at the seams. “I-I’m not alone.”

Tubbo stared, but then his eyes softened. He sighed, and his smile was immensely gentle, while looking at his friend. “Oh, Tommy…” Ranboo, beside him, wilted the same.

Michael, inbetween them, looked at all three of them silently.

“…Do you want a hug?” Tubbo quietly offered.

Tommy quickly nodded, slumping into Tubbo's side and burying his face in Tubbo's soft hair, not even caring for the way one of his horns poked into his cheek slightly. He held the other, and Tubbo held him. He felt the end of Ranboo's tail drape over his leg.

With a delicate tone and worn vocal chords, he quietly, and simply, admitted. “I'd love that. I'd really love that. Living with you three.”

Tubbo tightened his hold.

That night, Tommy fell asleep not alone, but with his two other closest people, his family. Safe, warm, with that insistent nagging at the back of his chest cavity, that told him he was alone, that he was wrong about himself, that he never even knew himself at all, finally silenced.

He had never felt more at home.

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Request: Arranged Marriage

inspired by 'the night we met' - Lord Huron

The Volturi and the Cullen's always had a rocky relationship. The solution to this was very much dated in comparison to now. An arranged marriage was really the last option they had. It was decided Demetri would be the one and he chose you. He was very polite, a definite charmer but his attention stayed on you during your first meeting. He lifted your hand, pressing a kiss to your knuckles, eyes latched onto your golden ones. Neither of you were oblivious to how difficult this would be for the both of you. For you especially, it would be the calm before the storm. You did your best to foresee this as a journey and would be a good thing...but you couldn’t help but feel like you’d been sold off to a life of misery.

‘I am not the only traveler Who has not repaid his debt I've been searching for a trail to follow again Take me back to the night we met.’

When the Volturi brought you back to their territory, things suddenly felt very real. You were very quiet a lot of the time. Demetri kept you by his side for the first couple of weeks as well as while the ‘wedding’ was being planned. Alice would be planning it, in hopes to help you settle a bit more. Surprisingly Demetri was very attentive to your comfort. You appreciated it but nothing about the situation was much better.

Things didn’t go too well after the wedding. You wanted to go back to the Cullens, struggling to adapt to the Volturi lifestyle. It didn’t help when Demetri was beginning to lose patience. Then again, it had been years and you were never really the same after your first feed with the Volturi. You could never forget it. You screamed and struggled as they forced you to feed on a screaming and pleading human. Caius ranted about the dramatics and how it was practically abuse for Carlisle to encourage such a way of life for you. You were starving but every fibre of your being told you not to do it. Eventually it was left to Felix, Demetri, Alec and Jane to make sure you feed. The twins held your head over the human, pushing you to feed as both Demetri and Felix, yelled at you to give in and feed. After three hours of this relentless treatment, your body gave in and before you knew it, you were feeding on the human. It was then that you were met with praise from the two men as you sobbed though no tears would ever fall. 

When you were done, Demetri sat you up, wrapping his arms around you from behind. He mumbled to you about how this was good for you and that everything would be okay. You immediately tried to thrash him off, but he blocked just about all over your hits, forcing your arms to your sides as he continued to hold you. He told you to stop in a low voice. He expected this to come but this had to be done. It was that moment that he lost your trust in him and he knew it. It was completely possible if not definitive that you would never forgive him.

‘And then I can tell myself What the hell I'm supposed to do And then I can tell myself Not to ride along with you’

You were then beyond angry when you heard that Edward and Alice had been in the castle with a human that Edward was apparently romantically involved with. The Volturi were not happy and you were fuming. So much so, you asked the receptionist if you could borrow her phone. You promised you’d return it immediately before walking away with it. You dialled Edwards number, luckily he had still to board the plane so he picked up immediately. Unfortunately, this wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation. “Edward, you better explain to me what the hell you’re doing.” He explained which quickly grew into an argument.  “I think you forget that I’m the one who had to leave, to be here to make things better between both covens and you’ve not only disregarded me but also disrespected me in so many ways.” You said firmly. Edward had no issues in defending himself. He was adamant that what he was doing was right as well as continuing with a moral argument. You didn’t want to disrespect Carlisle in anger, so you finished with the last word. “Edward, if you give a damn about me, you’ll think this through. I gave up everything for our family and make things better. You’re wrong.” You hung up the phone, turning to see a smirking Caius. “My apologies, Master. I didn’t intend for you to overhear me.”  “No need to worry,” Caius continued to smirk. “I am relieved to see one of you have sense. “I just...I don’t understand why.” You admitted, feeling a bit hurt at Edwards actions. Caius tugged you to walk with him. “You don’t have to understand why. It doesn’t change that it’s wrong.”

‘I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met’

Later that night, Demetri entered your shared room. “I was informed you were told Edward was here.” You nodded with a sigh. “I don’t even have words for it anymore.” You fidgeted with your wedding ring as Demetri sat beside you.  “Would you like to talk to me about it?” Typical Demetri, he was always there in an instant. It always gravitated you back to him. You couldn’t bring yourself to admit any love for him. You didn’t want to focus on your feelings for Demetri.  “Go on...” Demetri encouraged you.  “I can’t...fix this. I always did what i was told. I was the mediator. I fixed everything. I am the one to make things okay. I let go for two seconds and suddenly, Edward is being stupid and i feel like i have to run in and save everything. Yet I can’t figure out how to fix it because i’m always being told what i had to do to fix it!” You took a breath. “I want to be told how to live because so far i feel as though i’m doing it wrong. Yet i know that living isn’t so serious, it has never been so serious because in the end I control nothing in this universe- i’m tiny yet somehow i still feel that same cycle of wondering what i have to do to make everything okay as though the world will fall apart if i don’t. Just...tell me what to do. What do i do to fix this?” Demetri was quiet, staring at you.

Your confession somehow brought you both together. Somehow he knew you didn’t actually want an answer which worked because he didn’t actually know the answer. He could only really say that it wasn’t your responsibility to fix it. To hear someone else from the inside say it, it was a relief. You wondered if maybe you two could be closer friends. Now looking back, denial was a funny little thing.

‘When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears When you had not touched me yet Oh, take me back to the night we met ‘

You and Demetri were watching the world go by on his balcony when things changed for you again. You had become more comfortable staying with him. It had only taken many many years. You were spending time together before going to the confrontation. A pain that you wanted a distraction from and Demetri was more than happy to give. Everyone could be dead for all any of you knew in a matter of days. “So if you liked a person, what did you do?” You nudged Demetri. “What everyone else did, talk, laugh, spending the time i had to with them but never made an effort. They’d be only temporary anyway.” Demetri smiled with a shrug. “And what if it was someone you loved?” You grinned. Demetri’s smile faded slightly, he turned his head to look at you, really look at you. You felt his intense stare it was almost smothering. Demetri didn’t feel love for many people in his existence. He watched them come and go. When he chose you, he thought it would be the same. He didn’t expect to love anyone. Some how against all odds, he had begun to fall in love with you and precious moments like these only seemed to seal the deal. There was beauty in everything you did. You were a better person than he could ever be. He had never said it though and you had never let on that you felt for him as he did you.  “I’d never let them go.” He mumbled quietly. It was clear how pointed the statement was. It was directed to you. A promise. You wrapped your fingers around his wrist before leaning up to him. Demetri said nothing, instead curling his fingers under your chin with his free hand and meeting you in a kiss. Neither of you really spoke about what that night really meant for you both. Demetri kept the ball in your court, not wanting to push you. It was a precious moment he’d keep but it didn’t mean your undying love or loyalty to him.

Seeing the Cullen’s and the Denali on the other side of you was hard. Especially knowing their fate if the girl was immortal. Irina promised you it was true and now seeing the girl for yourself your heart sank. There was a lot of talking which gave you hope that just maybe they’d go free but you couldn’t hold your breath. As Carlisle explained the girl, it became apparent that just maybe she wasn’t immortal. When Aro met her, her heart was much more prominent, louder for you to hear and quick in fear. Your hope grew but so did your worry, because it meant Irina was wrong. It was then you realised the dark truth. You’d be losing someone regardless of the turn out and you did. Demetri was quick to push you behind him, blocking your view when Irina was killed. You didn’t know her well, only meeting her a few times but she was family none the less...or at least she used to be family. Just when you thought it was over, the Romanians couldn’t resist calling you out, calling you a traitor. Demetri pulled you into his side, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as he stared the other side down. You looked up at him before looking at the Romanians. “I chose Demetri long ago and I...he knows how i feel for him. I don’t have to hide it.” You looked up at him to find him looking down at you in shock.  “I’ll always choose you.” You said to him quietly. 

You and Demetri were about to head back into the castle when you halted. A music festival was on tonight and you could hear the new song that was being played. A smile grew on your face. Demetri noticed, and couldn't help but smile in confusion as you leaned against the wall to your right. "What?" You reached out your hand for Demetri to take. "Stay with me for a while. I like this song." You sang the next lyric quietly as he gripped your hand, you tugging him closer. "Take me back to the night we met." After a few minutes he broke away to head inside, he’d have to take up his position soon. You turned back only to be called on one last time from Demetri, softer than ever before. “I love you too.” You smiled at him before turning back to the festival. You couldn't help but think of your relationship with Demetri. He had been with you all along, being the good guy and the bad guy to help you, tough love if needed. Everything to the very beginning, when he first lifted your hand and kissed your knuckles. The night you met.

[planetbass]

tell me all abt arospec moomin characters Cameron just go wild

oh FUCk alright.

What arospec identities do they have?

snufkin: demiromantic, definitely. it takes a lot for him to get a crush and it basically never happens. which is precisely why he has only ever liked moomintroll.

little my: aromantic. doesnt know what the fuck a crush is. might say she has one or pretends to like someone because she thinks that she’s just supposed to, and might daydream about the idea of romance for the same reason (like in that one ep, yknow the one, where she says she and snufkin should date). but really she was just trying to conform to society’s expectations and is aro as fuck.

the joxter: grayromantic. this guy lives to sleep and fuck w authorities. doesn’t really pay attention to/care for romantic gestures, but acknowledges the possibility of having Feelings. he basically goes around not giving a fuck ever but had one (1) Free Fall In Love coupon that lasted forever upon use. 

How proud of being arospec are they?

snufkin: he’s just chilling. kind of had a crisis when he realized he liked moomin, though.

little my: loud and proud, as mymbles are. 

the joxter: also chilling.

Do they prioritize their arospec identity over any others?

snufkin: in a sense, yes. it goes hand in hand with his nomad identity, living freely and not becoming too attached to people or things. 

little my: yeah, i think it’d be her strongest identity, the one she feels most attached to. little my said feral aro rights

the joxter: nah, i wouldn’t think so. he wouldn’t really go for labels, either. i see him as a guy that would be like, not prone to romance/doesn’t seek it out, but also acknowledges the possibility. like i said, he’s got One coupon and is going to use it wisely. 

Are they out? If so, how did they come out, and to whom?

snufkin: it’s a package deal with his general wandering philosopher character. so basically, yeah. it’s an easy assumption to make about him and not something he feels the need to come out and say. 

little my: yes. she doesn’t care what people think about her and therefore is not afraid to announce it whenever necessary. 

the joxter: he’ll say something about it if asked. maybe in an indirect way. to joxter it’s less of an identity and more of just how he is. 

How do they feel about romance? Romance-favorable? Romance-neutral? Romance-repulsed? Or does it fluctuate?

snufkin: fluctuates a lot, depending on his mood. like i said, goes hand-in-hand w his entire schtick – he can easily start to feel trapped and forced into things, to which he becomes more repulsed and reclusive. when in a good mood, he’ll be more favorable. (that’s not to say he’ll always be repulsed when in a bad mood - sometimes when he’s upset, hugging moomintroll will always do the trick). 

little my: when it comes to herself, repulsed. doesn’t want anything to do with it. when it comes to couples around her, she’s mostly neutral and can deal w it. if couples are being too lovey-dovey, though, she quickly tells them to stop it cuz it’s gross and makes her uncomfortable. 

joxter: neutral-favorable. might be heard saying the phrase, “i’m not one for romance usually, but you never know.” if someone else shows interest in him he’d be quick to shut them down (in the friendliest but most curt way possible, i’m sure, as he’d probably immediately lay down for a nap to end the discussion). knows and accepts the fact that he may well fall in love with someone, though doesn’t expect it to happen.

Have they ever experienced arophobia? If so, how?

snufkin: for whatever reason, people like to pressure him into finding/forming relationships. or assume he has a partner. if he tells him that he’s not interested in such a thing, it’s quickly dismissed. “you’ll find someone you’ll want to settle down with someday” is a common one. which makes snufkin very mad for many reasons. 

little my: will often get comments from adults about how she’ll “never find someone” if she acts “like that” (as in her regular feral “”unladylike”” character), to which she exclaims GOOD, because she wasn’t looking for someone anyway. she has also mauled snork on several occasions for similar reasons. 

the joxter: not really. the fact that he’s super lowkey about it combined with his general openness to romance prevents people from reprimanding him about it (or at least his aro identity specifically - he still gets berated for being lazy, unhelpful, and uninterested in just about everything). 

How do they show their arospec pride?

snufkin: in a really low-key way, if at all. perhaps he writes a song about it, but doesn’t really tell anyone what inspired it.

little my: by Making A Point whenever possible. 

the joxter: by ignoring any person who shows interest in him, ever

Do they actively try to combat amatonormativity in their daily lives or elsewhere? If so, how?

snufkin: yes. when the opportunity presents itself he will preach about how you shouldn’t need a partner to feel fulfilled and yadda yadda

little my: absolutely. will go off whether it’s necessary or not.

the joxter: he’ll make his point but not spend too much effort doing so. he’s not gonna waste time and energy arguing about something. 

Was it easy for them to label themselves arospec, or was there a long period of questioning? How many labels did they have to try before landing on the one they use now?

snufkin: he’s heard and tried many labels on his travels. he doesn’t actively like to label himself, of course, but it’s helpful to go through that process anyhow. it’s something he didn’t realize wasn’t normal. he thought it was weird that people fell in love so easily, and with people they hardly even knew. upon this realization he got mad that he was the one forced to label himself as different. he tends to stay away from labelling himself because it’s against his general beliefs, but puts demi in his back pocket just in case. 

little my: i think so, yeah. she’d discover the label and quickly realize, “oh yeah, that’s me.” it may not have been immediate but it wasn’t a slow process, either. 

the joxter: goes most of his life content without having a label. one day he finds out there’s a word and he’s just like “yeah” and that’s that.

Would they be interested in a QPR? Why or why not?

snufkin: i think so, yeah. he’d have one with moomintroll if he wasn’t comfortable with saying he’s “dating” or had a “boyfriend.” partner is a very suitable word to snufkin and people can make of that what they will. i think to snufkin, a qpr is basically the same thing as his idea of dating, just in terms he’s more comfortable with.

little my: perhaps. most likely not. she can’t imagine herself like that with anyone, really. she loves and cares for her friends/family but can’t see herself as that intimate with someone.

the joxter: i don’t think he’d see the point, since he’s open to romantic partners.

Final thoughts?

i love them and thank you for giving me this chance to go ham

send me a character for aro headcanons

[manboobsupremacy]

waitt yessss remus being there to comfort logan is so good, maybe he was initially there for more kinda bad reasons but when logan walks in his hate for his brother or wtvr just disappears as he tries to understand what hurt logan (overprotective n all) but logan doesnt wanna talk so temus just comforts him as best he can (maybe logan like takes a nap n remus sees this as logan trusting him again (bc obviously remus isn't oblivious to the gap between them, he just blames roman for it instead of himself))

yea!! logan being super confused is great, i also think the idea of being kinda pulled into two different directions, one with remus trying to have lo all to himself, and the other being roman trying to keep his closest friend still in his life. i think itd be fun (in an angst way) if remus and ro start having small fights when logans not there, kinda fighting over him, roman in a platonic sense and remus in a romantic (maybe remus thinks roman likes logan romantically (maybe romans aro?? i just love aspec sides in general tho) so he thinks its a battle for logans hand sorta thing, miscommunication type deal)

i also think the pressure of ro becoming king and the parents trying to marry off the twins would also add a lotta stress and push to just get some conclusion between the "battle" maybe it even ends up that the parents make remus steal logan to his castle for a weekend and roman has time to like rlly feel what it would be like without logan there to be his friend, maybe even lashing out at whoever u decide the person hes suppose to marry is gonna be. and then in this weekend or however long logan first goes thru what roman is going thru but then realises the root of all of remus' anger and possesive nature and starts trying to help in little ways, maybe accidentally feeding into remus' possesiveness for a bit. idk have fun w it.

i love this au sm tho, ty for feeding my mini brainrot by giving me more ideas tho lmao

i have a royalty AU in my head with kinda unsympathetic Remus that i’ve been thinking about for a few nights in a row. it’s a slightly different version from some idea i remember having posted here already.

and it’s that Roman and Remus are twins, Roman is the oldest by minutes so he’s the heir to the throne. everyone is always paying attention to Roman because he is the prince and Remus is constantly overlooked, even by his own family, which makes him super angry.

the two of them grow up with Logan because Logan’s parents are some kind of important people in the royal court or whatever so they have an agreement with the King and Queen that Logan would be educated with the tutors that teach the twins because they’re the best in the kingdom. so Logan practically or maybe actually lives in the castle and since he’s around the same age as Roman and Remus they spend a lot of time together.

they all get along fine but things get worse for Remus when he thinks that Logan prefers Roman over him (which he thinks mostly due to his own insecurity caused by everyone else treating Roman better, not because it’s true). so he gets super possessive over Logan and gets angry at Roman whenever he sees the two of them together. which starts many fights.

Remus also realizes he has a crush on Logan and wants to be with him at all times, but he’s convinced himself that Logan must like Roman instead. maybe Logan doesn’t like either of them romantically or maybe he does idk. all the options open nice opportunities for angst. like if Logan does like Roman but tries to hide it because he knows it’ll only cause trouble with Remus and he’s just yearning in silence for Roman. or Logan likes Remus but is scared of him when he gets angry so he avoids Remus more which makes Remus more angry. or Logan doesn’t like either and he’s put in a very uncomfortable position where he has to insist that he’s telling the truth but Remus won’t believe him.

anyway they grow up and the relationship only gets more tense on all directions. they’re not kids anymore and they can’t just play and ignore their problems. Remus gets sent somewhere else as Duke to look over some piece of land far away so he never sees the others, while Roman is preparing to become King. and Logan finished his studies, being the best of the three, and gets hired in the castle, of course, as an advisor for Roman.

now without the pressure of Remus off Logan and Roman become much closer and maybe they’re just friends or maybe they do develop feelings for each other, both are good. they keep growing up and one day Remus returns for whatever reason idk and he’s more resentful than ever. specially noticing how close the other two are and how happy they look without him.

so Remus picks fights with Roman and insults him constantly and also won’t let Logan have any personal space because Remus always around him, as if trying to keep him under vigilance. which sucks for Logan because he doesn’t know what to do. he doesn’t hate Remus nor is mad at him, he just misses being a child and how they all would get along, he hates that everything is so complicated now.

and ummm also my brain provides that Remus comes back because the King and Queen are looking for partners for Roman and Remus to marry, and having them both marry in the same season might be good for diplomatic relations with the families of the spouses or something. they can come to collective agreements and increase the size of the kingdom all at once.

so Remus interprets this as a fight over Logan’s hand. and maybe it is because Roman (with romantic feelings or platonic) would indeed like to have Logan by his side. but the parents decide to make Logan marry Remus because they do want him in the family but his education is too advanced so he can’t be with Roman, since the King can’t be overshadowed.

and uh more trouble ensues. i don’t know. that’s what i got. it’s 1am but im scheduling this for tomorrow instead lol.

[vampire-core]

okay for the hcs thing: the dragonets of destiny, ruby and nan, all of the ib squad, and uhhhthe pmmm cast if u want?? :3c

NICE ty babe!!!!!!!!

send me a character and i’ll answer!

(note: im kin w glory, mary, madoka, sayaka, and mami so this might be a lot of kin-based shIT SDFHSDKLF)

CLAY

A: what I think realistically

he is Boft (buff and soft) and also Lorg and if u are his friend and cold just tell him and he will drape his fuckin wing around u and curl up with you. he has at least 3 dragons cuddling with him when he sleeps

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

hes super bad at predicting jokes so he’ll fuckin CRACK UP at the worst fuckin joke u tell. he’ll also eat ANYTHING on a dare. even dirt or a handful of pebbles, thanks GLORY

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

hes actually got mental health shit goin on (depression/anxiety/prob ptsd/prob a pd) but he thinks he Has to be strong for the other dragonets bc theyre all fucked right up and he needs to be the strong support so he feels like he really Cant let himself break down at all, and it causes a Lot of pent-up sadness/anxiety/etc which he has No way of getting out

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

clay is aro/ace and in a qpp with all the dragonets. let him be not het?

TSUNAMI

A: what I think realistically

tsunami is fuckening BUFF as HELL. like. she can kick ur ass ur friends ass ur moms ass her OWN ass she doesnt care shes SUPER buff she will kick everyone in the THROAT she is FIERCE and PROTECTIVE and STRONG

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

when darkstalker first busted out of the mountain (like a nut) she straight-up decked him in the snout. just fucken. P U N C H

it hurt her claws and she almost cried but tried to play it off as “im crying out of my own coolness”

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

shes always felt like glory hates her bc of how snarky and rude they are and like?? they logically know they dont but like. what if and she cant just ask them bc thatd be rude and glory would probably make a joke out of it, so shes stuck believing one of her supposed best friends secretly hates her and she doesnt know how to deal

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

SHES BI AS HELL let tsunami be bi and trans and have a gf…….

GLORY

A: what I think realistically

theyre used to not eating a lot and kinda always being hungry bc yknow no sunlight in the caves but they assumed it was like? normal? and being in the sun was like……. holy shit im finally Full…….. and they dont actually eat a lot but when they do its usually fruits bc they dont actually like meat all that much

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

they can do spot-on impressions of SO many dragons, including but not limited to: the guardians, the other dragonets, fatespeaker, queen coral, riptide, morrowseer, and probably more and they love being able to say “im a pretty princess” while sounding almost exactly like kestrel

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

theyre rlly rlly good at hiding bc they HAD to be when the guardians got Pissed, so now when anyone is Vaguely mad at them they manage to find a way to hide and its near-impossible to find them, which has pppprob scared the other dragonets mny times

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

glory is genderfluid and gay and whom the Fuck is deathbringer?

STARFLIGHT

A: what I think realistically

he has some p bad anxiety so his Counting/Observing Things thing is a comfort mechanism of sorts that hes always really done. in the caves all he had to observe was rocks, torches, and scrolls but once he got Out he had so much that it was overwhelming. hes rlly good at describing things in writing due to this

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

hes always been SUPER clumsy so now that hes blind hes kind of just. tripping on everything. he fell off the side of a cave once at the academy and screamed and waited for death until he remembered that he is a dragon who can fly

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

abt the observing thing: now that hes blind, he cant do that, and it was his main comfort mechanism. so now during anxiety attacks, he has a rlly hard time calming down bc he cant just start observing whats around him, it doesnt WORK like that

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

HES ARO AND GAY AND IN A QPP WITH FATESPEAKER AND ALSO THE DRAGONETS FUCK YOU

SUNNY

A: what I think realistically

she has adhd!!! she has adhd-ph so shes always fidgeting/bouncing around/flying to try and get her energy out. clay, tsunami, and glory also have adhd and try to help her out whenever they can!! she loves to bake, but it takes a LOT of waiting, so its kinda hard on her

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

she can be REALLY FUCKING LOUD when she wants to be, which NOBODY expects. normally she uses it for singing, or to startle people. she likes to be Loud while imitating kestrel, marching around and looking all Serious

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

shes always felt Really ignored and, esp for someone who pprob has dpd traits, its rlly heartbreaking bc like. she doesnt feel wanted and she doesnt feel like she gets any attention and shes just!!!!!!! aaaagh

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

shes aroace and in a qpp w fatespeaker heck you

RUBY

A: what I think realistically

she was prob legally blind but not Fully blind before the glen, but she was admitted bc her sight was getting progressively worse and she couldnt continue to be an electrician, her job

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

“hey tom remember that time i fucken stabbed u” “lol remember that time u pushed stitches off a balcony, killing him instantly”

“tom if u dont shut up this second about furries i will stab u again” “…….nya” “im gettin my fucken knife tom”

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

she lives w a lot of guilt over killing tom and regularly has nightmares abt it, and even tho he assures her everything is fine she still regrets it so much but doesnt know how to make it Right in her mind

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

SHES BI AND AGENDER AND HER TOM AND JAY ARE POLY

NAN

A: what I think realistically

shes always been Super chubby, and she generates a llot of heat both bc Fur and bc Chub, so when her friends get Cold all u have to do is snuggle up next to her and ur instantly rlly warm now

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

kim teaches her how to dab and calls it a symbol of respect, and so whenever nan meets someone she rlly respects she just dabs as kim cracks up

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

she keeps a journal bc her memory is Shit but shes still constantly worried that shes writing it wrong, esp bc shes usually dissociating enough that she cant remember what happened, and sometimes its bad enough to warrent a breakdown/panic attack

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

look shes aro/pan/genderfluid i dont make the rules. also shes autistic

IB

A: what I think realistically

they know a little bit of asl bc theyre mute, and they carry around a notebook to write in when they cant sign. bc of this, they have rlly good handwriting and are also p good at miming stuff when they need to

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

they accidentally learned how to swear in asl, so whenever garry sees them doing so and doesnt know what it means (and then asks) he almost starts crying when they calmly show him the word “fuck” written in their notebook

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

they have rlly bad nightmares and is ppprob misdiagnosed due to ppl thinking the gallery Wasnt Real, doesnt get proper help, and lives w guilt over what happened and has NO clue how to cope

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

look. theyre nb and pan. im not saying this is a hc im saying this is canon. theyre not cishet

GARRY

A: what I think realistically

hes pprob around?? late 20s-early 30s, so its kiiiinda awkward maintaining contact w ib at first, but then he becomes a Family Friend and babysits so its all chill

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

hes PETRIFIED of spiders and the one time he tried to be brave and take one outside for ib he screamed, dropped it, and nearly cried.

ib is capable of disposing of spiders in the way garry prefers (domnt kill them) and does so calmly as garry sits on the counter and screams

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

he feels rlly guilty after the gallery and has NO idea how to cope, so he ends up drinking a bbbbit too much and hes also not rlly able to help ib, which makes him MORE guilty, and its kinda just a spiral of depression

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

hes trans and also adopts ib and mary and theyre a happy family

MARY

A: what I think realistically

she has NO CLUE what most things taste like, but someone let her try a cherry cough drop once, and now she just rlly wants to eat that fake cherry flavor again

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

she knows how to say various swear words and looked garry in the eyes and said “FUCK!!!” once and he nearly started sobbing on the spot

also she doesnt know much abt numbers and thinks that since shes 9 and garrys 20-30 and 2-3 are less than 9, shes older than him and In Charge

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

she died in pain and thinking her only friend hated her, feeling deeply betrayed :’)

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

GARRY ADOPTS HER AND IB AND THEYRE A FAMILY also shes a lesbian

MADOKA

A: what I think realistically

shes rlly good at drawin!!!! she doodles a lot in class to help her focus, plus she just rlly likes to draw, so she ends up bein rlly talented!!! she esp likes to draw her friends bc like. why not???

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

everyone expects her to be terrified of bugs and sayaka to be the brave one killing them when in reality its sayaka sprinting away as madoka calmly takes it outside and goes “dont worry its okay!!!!! :D”

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

she feels rlly inferior to everyone and, along with being shy, thinks shes honestly useless to a team. its not that she hates herself, its that she thinks shes rlly boring and doesnt have much going for her, and she has no clue how to help or communicate this

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

she and sayaka are DATING theyre GFS also madoka has dpd

SAYAKA

A: what I think realistically

shes mega bi. shes bi. she is just. bi. her first crush was wonder woman and she prob liked hitomi at one point. shes the one friend who gets crushes on EVERYONE, and i mean everyone

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

when she gets bored, she makes up random stories in her head and narrates whats going on in the lives of passerby, and now she has a huge elaborate universe thats like a soap opera in her head. she has a theme song and everything

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

she has bpd but no clue what that IS or how to COPE, so being a magical girl was ppprob a rlly bad idea due to the lows bpd comes with, esp since she based her wish on a person/fp. so she was?? p much destined to fall into despair, even if it wasnt over kyousuke

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

SHES!!!!!!! DATING!!!!!!!! MADOKA!!!!!!!

MAMI

A: what I think realistically

shes a rlly organized person so mess just Ticks her Off, and she spends most of her time just making sure everything is clean. its kinda a comfort mechanism at this point??? like it just makes her feel better

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

shes constantly trying 2 pick up on the current slang and be Cool w the Kiddos these days but shes always at least 3 steps behind

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

she has dpd but since she lost her parents and kyoko abandoned her, shes had nobody to depend on, which kinda sucks? bc like. shes constantly second-guessing herself and has no clue what shes doing and feels so alone

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

shes trans gay and dating kyoko

KYOKO

A: what I think realistically

shes SUPER good at sneaking around/stealing things and lvoes to startle/prank her friends w this bc like??? oh shit sayaka is ur phone missing who couldve took it, oh look madoka got a text from u wonder who sent it

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

she once ate an entire bowl of sugar on a dare from sayaka and got the WORST stomach ache for a day and half, but claimed it was worth it

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

shes always been rlly underweight and manages to steal food Sometimes, but has probably been caught and hurt for doing so

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

A LESBIAN DATING MAMI

HOMURA

A: what I think realistically

shes RLLY talented in a lot of areas due to the many timelines, but shes never rlly grasped the arts?? ie drawing, writing etc, and she has NO clue how madoka does it, what the hell

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

its RLLY hard to make her laugh but she can and WILL crack up if you look her in the eyes and say “egg”

on a similar, note, she once said “i want kyoko to vore me real good” completely straight-faced, deadpan

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

she has a LOT of trauma she could never rlly talk abt w anyone, esp a therapist, due to the timelines so shes rlly not coping at all in the slightest

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

shes GAY and prob dating hitomi

[mari-annawheelan]

why you should watch The Uncanny Upshurs

The Uncanny Upshurs in a new urban fantasy web series from @parafable, and it has quickly become one of my new favorite things, so I thought I’d make a post about it to spread the word about it :)

So what’s the show about?

The Uncanny Upshurs is about Agatha and Wally Upshur, British twins who are living apart for the first time in there lives, as Wally has moved to America to go to collage. To help keep in touch (bc Wally is shit at answering his phone omg get it together Walter), they set up a YouTube channel where they post vlogs every week. However, strange things start happening to/around the twins, including mysterious videos being uploaded to their channel of situations where there seemed to be no camera. So the first few episodes are the twins (and their friends who are The Best) trying to figure out what’s going on.

SPOILERS IT’S MAGIC

The urban fantasy aspect is one of my favorite things about the series, and I love how many fantasy characters/creatures are thrown into the mix (witches, fairies, sirens, vampires, etc.). Speaking of things I love...

Reasons Why The Uncanny Upshurs Is Wonderful

Reason #1: This Show Is Incredibly Diverse

Pretty much every single character in the show is LGBT+, including the titular twins (Agatha is a lesbian trans woman, and Wally is bisexual). There isn’t any drama over how A w F u L it is being gay, and all of the characters are pretty confident and comfortable with there sexualities.* (the episode where Jake figures out he’s attracted to guys is so adorable)

Along with LGBT+ characters, the show has a lot of awesome characters of color. As a white person I feel a bit less qualified to talk about POC representation, so here are some gif/pictures as examples

Now that I think about it Uncanny Upshurs also has a mostly female cast hell yeah

Reason #2: The Aforementioned Urban Fantasy Stuff

So I will be the first to admit that I’m always a slut for urban fantasy, so I was probably going to love Uncanny Upshurs no matter what, but the fantasy stuff they’ve set up so far is really cool. I don’t want to spoil to much, but there’s story lines about fairy kingdoms, forest witches, and a lady in the lake (no not that one) being established and I’m really excited to see where they go.

Reason #3: Every Episode Has Closed Captioning

This is a smaller detail, but it makes me really happy and I know I have some hoh followers so I thought I’d mention it. It sometimes takes the channel a few days to add captioning to the episodes, but every episode does eventually get captions.

Reason #4: The Characters Are All Really Great

I’m surprised this show hasn’t gotten more popular on here because these characters are all adorable omg. Like this section isn’t going to have any analysis I’m just gonna fangirl over these nerds.

Agatha is so adorable and sarcastic like she can be so deadpan its gr8 also shes meme trash and I love her

Wally is a fucking n e r d okay hes so awkward and I relate. Also his roommate Jake is one of my favorite characters he just rolls with all the weird shit going on like a pro.

I can’t decide if Gemma is life goals or wife goals so I’m going with both

I know I said I wouldn’t spoil a lot but Lennon is an aro ace siren and it’s really important to me that you know that bc I love her

This is Alistair he’s a fuckboy but we love him anyway

Actual Princess Daphne MacCrae

Reason #5: It’s Just Fun To Watch

Media can be sad. Like, really fucking sad. A big part of why I enjoy The Uncanny Upshurs is because it just puts me in a good mood whenever I watch it. That doesn’t mean the show is all brightness and positiveness 100% of the time, the latest episodes have had some more serious/emotional moments, but even after watching those episodes I’m always in better mood because this show has such a great vibe to it.

*I understand that there is absolutely a place for media depicting the struggles that often come with being LGBT+, but it’s nice to have shows that have happy, openly LGBT+ characters who aren’t defined by their orientations.

In Conclusion

The Uncanny Upshurs is a really fun, diverse web series that deserves more love and attention. Each episode is less than 10 minutes, and you can find them all on YouTube here. (I’ll admit the first few aren’t great but it gets better as it goes on).

If you do end up watching the show (or you’re already a fan of it), message me so we can talk about it! The fandom is currently pretty small and I’d love to see more people talking about this show!

[readingontheroof]

(1) Hi so I hope I'm somehow able to word this properly and not be an awful person (I'm sorry my emotions are still running kinda haywire). So yesterday my datemate told me that they are aromantic and they've known for about two months now and they didn't tell me earlier (even tho they hate lying/keeping secrets) bc they still love me (but not romantically of course) and they were worried I was going to cut ties with them completely in order to get over them and not want them in my life

anymore. Which I don't think I would have done, but given my past experience and personality, I think it was a reasonable thing to think. So after they told me that, I cried a lot and we talked about it some more, but it wasn't really a proper discussion since I was crying so hard. (I don't know if this helps but I'm an infj and my datemate (?) is an intj. I'm also asexual and they're pansexual. Sorry to dump this on you, I just think you're insightful and give good advice). We've been dating for 10 months now so it's a little bit hard finding this out after we've already been together for a while. While I understand why they waited 2 months to tell me (didn't want to hurt me, we were already dating, didn't want to permanently lose me) I'm still mad and wish they had told me earlier. I'm very future-oriented and I plan things out so far in advance, I was already imagining a future with them and was so happy and excited about it. I can change this image of coursebut it feels so sudden and it's like everything's been turned upside down. Last night I was overwhelmingly sad, and today I'm still sad but also angry. Maybe it wouldn't have but that's 2 months I could've spent stopping myself from getting attached to this future image. We talked about it together multiple times: what we each want, where we want to live, what kind of cats and dogs we want to own together. I know we can still live together, & I'd really really love that, it's just that someof the certainty of the future has been ripped away and it was really comforting and wonderful to think about. I really love them a lot and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather own cats with. Last night they said they'd still like to be in a romantic relationship with me and date me and continue doing everything else we've already been doing, but they don't want to be involved with any of those romantic rituals like getting married, etc. All I want right now is to continue our currentrelationship, especially since they want to and they really want to be in my future. It's just that I'm so attached to the idea of romantic love and marriage (it's so stupid though) and I don't know how to get away from that & I KNOW that no matter how much I'd like to continue this current relationship, I'm going to eventually want to get married and I don't want to regret anything. The ideal future would be for me to live with both them and someone else I'm married to in the same housebut all I can think about is how there's no way that'll ever work bc then that's three people's lives, jobs, wants and needs we'd have to coordinate in order to live in the same place and area. The probability of it working out is so unlikely & I don't know if I'd be even be able to find someone else to date who'd be willing to do that. I'm thinking the best option is for me to break off my current relationship with my datemate and do something more akin to a qpr, I just hate how vague anduncertain the future seems now. In the midst of this, I'm still mourning our past relationship (it was also my first romantic relationship). I really hope I didn't say anything to hurt their feelings last night but I tried to make as clear as possible that it's okay for them to be aromantic, I'm just upset about the changes to my vision of the future. Like if only I could get rid of this attachment to the idea of marriage and romantic love, and all that sappy stuff, then we could still continue our current relationship into the future the way it's been. I've just been so happy since (and before) we started dating at college and it's kinda of just a shocker, like I was too optimistic. I did get some warning from my instincts which I probably should've listened to (I hesitated before asking them out bc I thought they might've been aro but they said yes & later when they talked about possibly being polyarmorous I freaked out bc I went on a forum & lots of ppl had similarviews on platonic and romantic love and in poly and aro communities and I was worried that they were aro and I brought it up to them and at the time, they thought they were poly so they reassured me BUT two weeks after the convo realized they were aro. Fucking weirdass ni. Should've listened to it. In addition to this, I have become very attached to cuddling and physical intimacy and I don't want that to stop...but at the same time I'm worried I'm never going to stop liking them if I don'tstop the physical intimacy. Last night they said they'd be fine with whatever I wanted to do (become friends, continue the romantic relationship, or continue the romantic relationship and affection until I find someone else I want to date). Honestly the third option sounds the most appealing but I'm just worried I'm gonna be trapped in a limbo and that my new ideal future option is too unlikely to happen & by continuing the physical and emotional intimacy I'm keeping myself from formingother bonds with other people. I don't want to cut them out of my life, bc even if we ended the romantic relationship, we have become so close with each other, and I enjoy spending time with them more than anyone else at college right now. I know that they really value their relationship with me as well, since they said that they trust me more than anyone else and they have a lot of difficulty opening up to people. I'm not quite sure what kind of advice I'm asking for, maybe I just neededto write all of this out. I'm sorry this was so long, I just have so many emotions. I guess I'm wondering what your opinion is, & if you have any advice on dealing with overcoming the loss of a former vision of the future & replacing it with another one (the biggest question I guess). Also maybe any advice on whether or not you think it's something that would work & if I'm still being too optimistic. Do you have any tips on how to go about forming a qpr? Thank you so much! Feel free toanswer whenever you happen to have any time!! Also if any of these messages get lost or eaten by tumblr, let me know & I can resend them (I've saved them). I'm sorry this was so long! Thank you 

Honestly I'm starting to feel a little bit better after writing all of that out and thinking about other possible future options (happy ones of course) and it's really nice. Thank you for your blog & all you do for the mbti community. Mbti always makes me feel better when I'm feeling bad and reading your thoughts and insights on it is always fun. I guess it's sorta distraction but it's still nice and isn't really hurting me so thanks 

Okay so first i wanna establish i’m likely aro myself so i dont really have a great understanding of the differences between romantic and platonic feelings.

So, one thing I’m confused about is how the relationship would go if you proceeded like the INTJ suggested, (the same, but w no “rituals”). What exactly about the relationship right now would be romantic to you that wouldn’t continue, besides stuff like marriage? Bc I think the biggest disconnect wouldn’t be in not doing x y z, but in a difference in how you view the relationship. If they view the relationship somehow differently bc they are aro, what are those differences? Bc obviously it isn’t a sexual relationship but you were doing things that would be “romantic” rather than “friendly.” I think it would be helpful to try to figure out what has changed, really at all. Bc if you are viewing the relationship very differently from each other, I can see how that could cause pain.

It definitely seems like you want something more from the relationship than they do, and I do think that if you continued the relationship with you sort of pretending it’s a romantic relationship and them sort of pretending it’s a friendship, with you knowing it will never fulfill those expectations you had, it will feel like something is missing and bitterness/pain/disconnection might come from that. I think if you decided to continue the physical intimacy but say you’re friends, that’s what you’re going to end up doing. I think you shouldn’t cut them off or avoid them, it just wouldn’t be logical. I think you should keep your friendship, but try not to do anything you would see as romantic. Maybe a little space right now would be really good, for you especially, to get your head around it without any pressure or guilt. However, I do think that given time (esp given your types), you could change the nature of the relationship and move on in a way, especially bc it is your first relationship. I think you could be best friends, and you could end up with a different romantic partner that you have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with.

I do think you should trust your instincts, if they’re telling you anything at this point. It seems like doing so would put you in a place that feels natural.

I don’t have any tips on how to form a qpr bc i’ve never had one and don’t really have a want for one, but I do advise you to be careful, bc boy have a I seen people try to have a qpr with someone they clearly have a crush on and it isn’t fun for either of the people involved.

No prob man, I rlly hope it works out for you. I do think the venting helped you organize everything! I’m glad you like my blog, thanks :)!