#also i love this ask. if anyone ever wants music recs or something like this i'd be over the moon

[maxlarens]

hi lilli! this may be like, a bit of a random ask BUT!!! i’m starting to get on the charli xcx agenda and i would love to know some of your favourite songs or some of her best ones maybe? kind of like to know where to get started? thank youuu 🫶🏼🫶🏼

liyah!!! yes i can!!! i'll give u a few small lists because there's a few ways you could kind of enter her discography and also i want to share some of my favs of hers:

brat— this is her most cohesive album in my opinion, i'd give it a full listen at least once because all the songs work in tandem with each other and tell a story. anyway here are some songs from that era that id rec as a starting point because they're fairly easy listens compared to some of her more experimental songs— sympathy is a knife, 365, apple (criminally underrated song), von dutch, guess and spring breakers.

older eras— i feel like her older eras lean more pop than brat does which is easier to get into if you're not used to the club girl of it all lol. but honestly brat is her best album and i'd start there. anyway some recs— good ones, yuck, unlock it (lock it), break the rules, boys, superlove

personal favs— anthems, dreamer, sucker, you're the one, i might say something stupid, hot girl (bodies, bodies, bodies)

[cassiesc0rner]

Impurities

Synopsis: You’re the new girl at East Highland High, your only goal is to get through school. Until you come across Nate Jacobs

Genre: suggestive, slight angst,

Pairing: Nate x fem!reader

Warnings: manipulation, lying, misogyny, slutshaming, reader has a negative body image/implied body dismorphia, dark themes, slightly suggestive but no smut in this one, let me know if I missed something

Song rec: music to watch boys to - lana del rey

WC: +8.6k (oops)

Other parts: previous part, next part

A/N: This is my first upload on tumblr help?? Also English isn’t my first language so please keep that in mind and be nice :,) feedback is always appreciated!! Currently working on part 2 ᥫ᭡

You were the perfect prey for Nate

You were cute, just so fucking cute that it almost drove him crazy, and so polite during lessons, never refusing anyone anything, whether they asked for a pen, or if they could copy your homework, which you always had ready. In his eyes, you were perfect, the only right choice for him.

He knew you wouldn’t fuck up the way Cassie or Maddy did, you wouldn’t disappoint him like they did.

Sure, your style wasn't his thing at all -not that you dressed awful or anything, you were really into y2k, and just loved wearing baggy jeans or any jeans for that matter, and graphic tops combined with sparkly accessories, chains and rings.

He wished you'd wear something more... feminine, like skirts and cute dresses, that show off your assumingly perfect body, he also wished you'd wear brighter colors.

Another thing he loved about you, was that you were really smart and didn't seem to pay attention to boys at all, which surprised him because he was used to girls being all over boys, only wanting one thing from them and he hated it because they were all so predictable.

But you weren’t.

It also kind of scared him at the same time though, because what if you just really weren't into boys to begin with?

He didn't know much about you except for the fact that you loved music, movies and tv shows. Or at least that's what you said, when you had to introduce yourself to the new class.

It had been just a few days prior that he had broken up with Cassie at that time, but he was sure that in this moment, when you stood there in front of the class, with your trembling hands, shy smile and quiet voice, he was head over heels for you.

You just enrolled to East Highland High, you knew no one yet. That had to be his biggest advantage ever, since you didn't know about any of the bad things Nate has done so far, and no one could take you away from him once he earned your trust. Because why would you trust anyone else more than him?

It was your third day at the new school when he decided to approach you.

During lunch break you sat alone, listening to music as you tried to subtly look around the huge cafeteria, searching for someone else who was alone.

Everyone shared their table with at least two other students, except for you and some other girl that sat alone as well.

You considered approaching her and sitting with her, maybe she was nice and maybe she had other friends? But you decided not to do it, because maybe you'd disturb her or something. You sighed and scrolled through your phone, when you suddenly noticed someone standing in front of your table.

You slowly looked up and noticed it was one of your classmates. You quickly fished one of your earbuds out and stopped the music "Hey.." You said, as you smiled at him. He smiled back at you, the smile genuine as he replied "Hey, can I sit for a moment?" he gestured towards the chair in front of you.

You were confused.

Confused because he wanted to sit with you? Yes, you were new to East Highland High, but this wasn't the first school you ever attended. You could tell who's popular and who isn't.

And Nate Jacobs was definitely popular. He had to be.

Quaterback, extremely tall, and extremely good looking, there was no way he just wanted to sit and talk to someone like you. What if he's gonna bully me? Take my lunch money and beat me up? But that would be absurd.. right?

You nodded before removing the other earbud as well. "What're you listening to?" He asked, genuinely curious "Oh... um... just Lana Del Rey." You said nervously as you looked at your phone, too scared to look him in the eyes.

"Oh cool.. which song?" He'd be lying if he said he knew literally any Lana Del Rey song besides Summertime Sadness and Video Games, but he wanted to know nonetheless. Maybe he'd listen to it at home to check out what kind of music you listen to "It's called..." You hesitated for a moment before finally saying "'Music to watch boys to'" You knew how that sounded.

Nate chuckled once he heard the name of the song and saw your flustered expression "Is that what you're doing? Listening to music while you're watching the boys here?" He joked. You chuckled nervously "No, really that's the last thing I'd do. I'm trying not to look at anyone longer than a second." You smiled as you locked eyes with him for seemingly less than 0.5 seconds.

Nate nodded "Yeah, I can tell." He cleared his throat "Just came over to introduce myself since you're new and everything." He reached over the table, stopping right in front of your phone, inviting you to shake his hand "I'm Nate."

You knew that already, since the two of you had classes together and you paid attention during attendance, to memorize the names of some of your classmates.

You carefully reached over and shook his extremely large hand. "I'm y/n, but you probably know that already." You once again chuckled nervously, thinking back to the painful introduction you went through at each and every new lesson you went to.

"Yeah, right." He nodded, smiling as his mind went there as well. During maths, arts, and English, he was lucky enough to see you introduce yourself over and over again. You slowly retrieved your hand again and Nate couldn't help but feel sad at the loss of contact.

He took a look around the cafeteria before setting his gaze back onto you "So, why are you sitting here all alone?" He asked in a slightly less playful tone "Hm.. I don't know," You shrugged "I guess I just don't know how to approach people." You smiled again.

What Nate had noticed in this short amount of time, is how often you smiled at him, and how you tried to keep that expression.

He didn't only notice it in this moment while he sat in front of you, but also during lessons, whenever someone talked to you, you rarely kept a neutral expression, always a friendly smile on your lips.

You were unbelievably insecure.

Always trying to remain friendly, out of fear of being perceived as unfriendly or unapproachable or anything that could be perceived as negative. He got you figured out faster than you could've imagined.

When he didn't respond, you continued "I actually considered talking to that girl over there, since she's alone as well.."

Nate looked over to the girl you were referring to before smirking and looking back to you "I wouldn't do that." You frowned in confusion "Why? Is she mean or something?" Nate shook his head "She just... doesn't talk, I don't think I've ever seen her talk to anyone before. She always sits alone and stares... into the void or something, even during lessons she barely responds to the teachers." he pointed out.

You sighed "Wow... And I thought I was socially incompetent." He chuckled and shook his head "No believe me, it can always be worse." You nodded and smiled again. Once you didn't reply, Nate continued "But, to be honest, you don't seem socially incompetent at all. You actually seem fun to be around."

You looked up at him again, this time for a bit longer than 0,5 seconds, and raised your eyebrows "You think so?" Nate nodded "Yeah, of course, you don't?"

You thought for a moment am I actually fun to be around? It had honestly been ages since you had actual friends. Sure, you had classmates at your previous schools, who met up with you from time to time. But it never felt like an actual friendship, with trust and sincerity.

You figured that you just weren't easy or fun to be around, that you just bored them eventually, even though you tried to be as fun as possible.

But your parents also played a big role.

Your mom has been strict and didn't want you to go out with friends too much, because she was scared you'd get hurt. She constantly fought with you and your father, because neither you nor your dad shared the same amount of paranoia she seemed to have.

And your dad was constantly moving cities, and even states with the two of you, whenever he had a new, better job offer. East Highland High was probably your third highschool so far, and even if you wanted to stay polite and make friends, you didn't want them to get too close to you, because the moment you had to move it'd be over anyways.

"I don't... know.." You said, and for the first time your smile actually faded. Not into a sad expression, but your smile just seemed to slip, and Nate felt like he got just the slightest bit closer to you.

"I don't really have any friends outside of school, and since I have none here either.." You shrugged again, not sure what to tell him. He nodded "Well.. you have me now, we can be friends." You looked up at him again, your eyes wide. You waited for him to laugh and tell you that all of this was a prank or something, but he didn't.

"Um... Thank you, but you really don't have to do that. I bet you already have plenty of friends." Nate shook his head and said "You can never have enough friends," He had a point, not everyone lived a socially awkward life like you did "besides, as I said, you seem cool to be around." He added.

"Thank you, I'd love to be your friend." You responded with another smile. Nate couldn't believe that he got this close to you in just five minutes, and that you didn't seem to question any of his intentions at all. In his eyes, he didn't only achieve his goals for the day, he also did you a huge favour.

You had someone you could count on, someone to hang out with, you weren’t alone anymore.

Then the doorbell rang, informing everyone that the break was over now.

"Alright, we have maths now, let’s go together, yeah?" He asked as he got up. You nodded and grabbed your phone, stuffing it in your bag before you got up as well.

Two weeks passed after you first talked to Nate, and as it turns out, he really seemed to be your friend.

You went shopping together, spent time mostly at your place, because your mom wanted to keep an eye on him since he was a stranger and most importantly a boy, and you even went to his football game once. You seemed truly happy whenever you were with him.

A little too happy for your own liking.

Because deep down you knew you might have to leave him behind eventually, or that he'd get bored of you at some point.

Not to mention that you, against your own will, developed a small crush on him. But who could blame you when he was the first boy who ever truly cared for you like he did? Or bought you gifts and showered you with affection like he did?

Yeah that was another thing that Nate did. He loved buying things for you.

At first it were just small things like ice cream from the gas station, or snacks from vending machines. But eventually, the gifts got bigger and bigger despite you telling him that you couldn’t possibly pay him back.

Sure, your dad's job did pay him a lot, but you were sure that Nate's dad had to earn at least twice as much for his son to be able to buy that many things.

Last time you two went to the mall and he saw a pair of earrings for more than 200$, he dragged you along with him and showed them to you saying "They'd look so pretty on you." It almost felt like he was your boyfriend.

Usually the girls in the movies you watched would pressure their boyfriends into buying them expensive jewelry, and into spending their money on them, but Nate seemed to be the other way he around.

He was pressuring you into allowing him to spend his money on you.

Just like that day when the two of you went into another boutique, because Nate convinced you that "it'll be fun!", to put it in his words.

The moment you stepped into the boutique, you felt somewhat uneasy. You walked in with your ripped jeans and tank top on, and the only clothes you saw were dresses, skirts, and tops that you'd never consider buying. Not to mention the shoes that they sold, looked nowhere near as comfortable as your sneakers did.

Nate knew that.

He only had to look at your face for a split second to know what you're feeling. You felt like you wouldn't fit in, or like these clothes wouldn't suit you. But he knew how to convince you.

He spent two entire weeks with you after all.

Any normal person would say that's not enough to fully know somebody, but Nate had his ways of finding out almost every insecurity, fear and worry of yours, just by subtly asking the right questions.

And none of them shocked him, since he already figured out that you were socially anxious and insecure.

But he also knew what you needed. You craved someone who loves you and gives you constant reassurance, someone who tells you what to do and who to go out with, like your mom did, because that's all you knew your entire life.

You needed to be loved and touched, craving intimacy with literally anyone, because you never had friends who'd hug you tightly when you were anxious, or hold you close when you needed it, and your parents didn't either.

And he could give you all of that and more, once the time was right.

He also figured that you haven't had a boyfriend yet, or haven't been intimate with anyone yet, and that thought alone made him crave you even more, if that was even possible.

The fact that he would be your first everything, was enough to get him going, and motivated him to show you your true potential.

And he knows that you’d let him.

He always dreamt about how easily you'd let him have his way with you, and how he'd corrupt you. Nate had sadistic thoughts as well, fantasizing about making you cry and beg him for forgiveness for something that wasn’t even your fault.

He also dreamt of leaving marks and bruises all over your body, so that you and everyone else knew you’re his.

But he wouldn't want to hurt you, he knew from experience how bad that could end for him.

And the moment he saw your innocent eyes looking up at him and your smile while doing so, the violent thoughts got replaced with the need to protect you from any man that even just walked near you.

"You okay?" He asked casually before he walked towards one of the racks with skirts. "Mhm.. I just don't think I want to buy anything here, Nate..." You said as you nervously looked down at your feet, feeling bad for possibly disappointing him.

Nate turned around and looked at you "Don't you want to try something on at least?" Before he let you respond, he came up with an idea "How about this, I'll put together an outfit and you can try it on and see for yourself if you like it or not." He asked, but it was more of a demand than a question.

You sighed and looked around the store, noticing that they also had jeans skirts, and a dark red leather skirt that you thought was really pretty. Nate's eyes followed your gaze and he immediately started searching for something he wanted you to try on.

Sure, a jeans skirt might be a good start as well, since it might make you feel a bit more comfortable and at least show off your legs, but the leather skirt was just absolutely slutty in his eyes. He didn't want you to walk around at school -or anywhere for that matter- like that, like you're 'asking for it'.

While you walked towards the two skirts, Nate walked towards another section. He picked out a pastel pink short sleeve top, with a bow in the middle and a sweetheart neckline. He smirked as he imagined you inside the rather tight top, knowing that he's the only guy that would be near you while all the other boys could only dream of being close to you.

He then picked out a pair of black flats, which he knew you wouldn't be opposed to, simply because of the color alone, white stockings and a white and pink plaid mini skirt.

Then he walked over to you, as you still looked at the various skirts. "y/n, your outfit is ready!" Nate exclaimed once he was behind you, and you couldn't help but flinch as he pulled you out of your daydream.

You turned around and looked at his full hands, trying not to grimace at the bright colours. The shoes looked alright however, and where the only dark piece of clothing. "Nate, that won't suit me," you said as he handed you the clothes over "are you sure you want me to try it on?" you didn't even finish the question before he nodded.

You sighed before walking towards the changing room. "I'll wait outside until you're done." he said before you closed the door.

Once it was closed you sighed once more and started to undress. You liked Nate, more than just in a friendly platonic way, and if any other guy would've told you to dress up like that, you definitely would've refused.

But Nate did so many nice things for you, the least you could do was to make him laugh for a bit. Because you already expected that that's what he'll do once he sees you in this outfit.

Once you were left in your underwear you looked into the mirror, feeling insecure. You didn't like your body at all. You just weren't shaped like the girls on the cheer squad, and you also didn't seem to have their proportions. And now you had to wear a skirt that would expose your huge legs and belly.

You felt sick at the thought of Nate seeing you in this outfit. You looked at the skirt and panicked because what if he thought you're skinnier, and he picked the wrong size? You'd have to tell him to get you a size bigger, and it would be super embarrassing.

You put on the top first and gulped when you noticed how tight it was, your chest on display. But you were sure it was supposed to sit a bit tighter. Then you shakily grabbed the skirt and put it on, and surprisingly it closed and sat perfectly fine. Except for the fact that it was quite short.

You then put on the stockings which ended right above your knee, and the shoes. You looked into the mirror again and turned to the side, throwing various poses to check it out from different angles.

And then you frowned, because for some reason the fit looked pretty cute, but... would you actually go out like this? Definitely no- "Are you ready?" Nate asked impatiently. You started to contemplate whether or not you wanted Nate to actually see you like that.

"Um... y-yes but it looks really stupid i'm gonna undress again-""No!" he almost yelled, startling you "Please let me see, I bet it looks good." he rolled his eyes, glad that you couldn't see him behind that door.

He liked that you weren't too confident or too sure of yourself and needed his reassurance, but he really wished you'd actually listen to him right now.

And then you finally opened the door "Come in.." and it really took everything in him to not rip the door open and gawk at you.

He gently opened the door and looked at you, his eyes wandering from your head, which was hung low as if in shame, to your exposed cleavage, to the way the stockings hugged your legs, to your shoes.

He had to control himself or else he'd pop a boner right here, right in front of you, because, god you looked so pretty. With the way your hands were fidgeting again just like the first time he saw you. You looked so shy and submissive under his gaze.

"You look so pretty..." he said in a serious tone, so serious in fact, that you immediately looked up at him. "Really? I feel kinda..." you didn't dare to finish the sentence.

The last time you called yourself fat in front of him, he almost lost it. He got just as serious as he was right now, saying that you looked fine and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Sure you weren't shaped like Maddy was, and you didn't have the perfect thigh gap, but Nate was aware that you were extremely pretty nonetheless. You were almost perfect, and everything that wasn't perfect would be taken care of.

Like your style.

This was a small step for him but a huge one for you, and it would be an even bigger step for you to dress like that on the daily, but he's sure he can help you with that.

"Seriously, you look absolutely.. wow." he added, and it only got you more flustered. Maybe dressing like this isn't so bad if Nate thinks it's pretty, hell even if he's the only who thinks so, his words affected you more than anything anyone at East Highland High could possibly say. "Wow.. Thank you.."

He cleared his throat and took a step closer, towering over you even more. "You obviously don't have to listen to me,” he lied “but... I personally think it looks better than your usual dark outfits." When you looked back into the mirror he continued "You shouldn't hide behind those… wide pants and loose tops, you should wear more outfits like this and show everyone how pretty you look."

When he saw you smile, he knew he had you where he wanted you. It wasn't just a forced smile, it was a real one, a flustered one. You loved that he found you pretty, even if you couldn't see it for yourself. And he knew how important his opinion was to you.

Hearing his compliments alone made you want to change your style a little, just so that he doesn't change his opinion. "You really think this fits me?" You asked one more time to make sure that he actually meant it.

He nodded eagerly placing his hands onto your shoulders "I promise." He felt like he could melt with the way you were looking up at him "I would never lie to you, you know that, right?" As if in trance you looked into his eyes and nodded.

"Yeah of course." You smiled up at him, feeling so small in front of him. "I'll try to check for cheaper options though, if you don't mind. Maybe something that isn't from an expensive boutique." you chuckled. He frowned instantly before responding "No, keep the outfit, I'll pay for it."

You shook your head right away, thinking back to the expensive things he had bought you already. "Nate, you need to stop spending so much money on me, I mean it. I highly doubt that i'm the only friend you spend that much money on."

Nate tried not to laugh at your statement. Of course you were the only person he spent that much money on.

As if he'd buy McKay, or any of his other 'friends' for that matter, anything above 10 bucks. "Y/n, I promise I’m not spending too much money." You wanted to believe him, but deep down you knew why Nate did all this.

Or at least you thought you did.

He was used to being used for money by his friends, there couldn't be another explanation, it had to be the reason. Why else would he feel the need to buy you, who he saw as his friend, so many expensive things?

"And also I kinda forced you to try it on, it's the right thing to do, trust me." You sighed shaking your head in disbelief "Fine, but you really don't have to, you know that?" He nodded as a smile made its way onto his lips.

He wished he could kiss you right now, but needless to say that wasn't possible yet. He couldn't wait for the day he would finally have you to himself, safe and happy with him. Walking next to you, with your hand in his, he could already imagine Cassie's and Maddy's faces when they see the two of you.

Nate wasn't blind nor oblivious, he saw the way Cassie eyed you like she wanted to murder you, or the way Maddy would shake her head whenever she looked at the two of you walking down the hallway.

Sure he had to come up with a plausible story before one of them could get to you without him noticing, and ruin his perfect plan. He honestly doesn't know what would happen to them if they decided to ruin his plan.

But that wasn't important right now.

What mattered was that you finally owned the perfect outfit, only because of him, and you’d only wear it for him too. You didn't even talk back or hesitate as much as he had expected.

Everything was going according to plan, and it was only a matter of time until you would cave in fully and listen to him all the time.

The next day you got ready for school, and decided to put on the outfit Nate had gotten you the day prior, but combined with a long cardigan to prevent you from flashing anyone at school.

Not to mention your mom who would probably freak out once she saw your outfit for school.

You brushed your hair, and put on the earrings Nate bought you previously. They were beautiful, dangling bows with a small diamond in the middle.

You told Nate he didn't have to buy them for you and that you'd find a cheaper variant online, but he insisted nonetheless.

You wondered what it would be like to be his girlfriend as you applied your lipstick.

Not that you'd actually ever be his girlfriend. He probably wouldn't even consider dating me.. was all you could think. And you also wouldn't ever consider actually dating him.

What if you'd have to move again? It wouldn't only break your heart, but his too.

"Y/n?" Your mom pulled you out of your thoughts as she stood in front of your now open door -because knocking was completely overrated anyways.

She gave you a disapproving look as her eyes moved up and down your frame. You hadn't put on the cardigan yet, so you could only assume what she's thinking. "What are you wearing?" She finally spoke.

You sighed as you looked down at your feet. "Mom I-" She immediately shook her head "Nate told you to wear this, didn't he?" You groaned in frustration, all hopes of avoiding any confrontation now gone.

Your mom scoffed at your lack of response. "Have you seen yourself? You look like..." You raised your head and looked at your mom "Like what?" She crossed her arms and sighed "Like someone else!"

You knew that this wasn't what came to her mind first, but decided not to comment on it. "No one forced me to wear this. I wanted to wear this." Your mom frowned, not believing you one bit.

And even if you wanted to go to school like that, she felt sick at the thought of all the boys seeing her daughter in such an outfit. "Get changed, right now."  Was all she said before turning around and leaving your room.

You stomped after her "I'm going to be late to school if I change now!" you yelled as you followed her into the kitchen where your dad sat, completely unfazed by the argument which was taking place.

"That's your own fault, and don't yell at me like that." She responded, not even looking at you. "Mom, I'm not going to change."

She turned around once she grabbed her mug from the kitchen counter. "Oh but you are already. You are changing, because you would never wear something like this, especially not to school."

"Am I not allowed to change my style once in a while? You never approve of the way I dress anyways so why are you making a big deal out of this now?." She shook her head once again "You don't get it, y/n. You're... changing, as in ‘you’re becoming someone that you’re not’!" you scoffed in disbelief "I'm a teenager, of course I'm changing."

You turned away from your parents, and made your way to the hallway to put your shoes on. Once you reached your shoes you heard footsteps following you "You're really gonna go to school like that?" Your mom asked.

Once you slipped into one shoe you turned around and nodded. "You're grounded young lady, I hope you're aware of that." You slipped into the other shoe as you responded "I've been grounded my entire life, mom. Try harder." you said as you pushed past her to get your backpack.

Your mother just stood in the hallway, completely baffled. But before she could think of anything to say, you left the house already. Quickly making your way to Nate's truck.

Nate loved picking you up from home.

He wished you'd let him pick you up anywhere anytime, no matter where you were, but you only let him pick you up when you both had the same lessons in the morning.

He had told you that he'd pick you up even if you started earlier than him, but you immediately brushed it off.

Once you saw him your frown disappeared and you tried to smile again.

But Nate noticed. He always noticed when you were frowning, and when he saw your outfit he could already imagine what or specifically who made you frown.

To say that Nate disliked your parents would be an understatement. Whenever he would come over to your place, your mom would eye him and make snarky remarks.

Not only that, but she would sometimes enter your room -without knocking of course- every ten minutes to check on you, always with some sort of excuse as to why, just to make sure that the two of you weren't doing anything she would disapprove of.

He couldn't even hug you goodbye when he'd leave because when he did it once, your mom eyed him as if he was hurting you.

And your dad? He didn't know if he hated him even more.

He was barely there when Nate came over, and whenever you'd talk about him you would complain about him never caring about your arguments with your mom. He simply stayed out of it until it would annoy him, then he'd simply tell his wife to 'calm down' and that you 'shouldn't overreact'

And if you still wouldn't stop fighting with her, he'd simply get up and smoke outside or drive off to god knows where.

Having an overbearing mother and an absent father didn't do you any good, he'd gladly just have you move in with him, but his dad was probably even worse to live with than yours was.

"Everything alright?" Nate asked once you stepped inside the car, put your seatbelt on and sighed. You nodded, not looking at him "My mom's just mad at me because I'm wearing this to school today.." you explained as you fidgeted with your skirt.

That's when you noticed that you totally forgot to put on your cardigan in the heat of the moment. You mentally face palmed, knowing that you'd have to walk around like that without being able to hide at least a little bit of your body.

Nate nodded as he started the car. "I'm sorry to hear that... She’s always picking fights with you for no reason..." You nodded as you looked out of the passenger's window.

He looked at your thighs, which were just slightly on display, and fuck he would do everything just to touch them.

He decided to test the waters and reassuringly placed his hand on your thigh. You flinched slightly, not expecting the sudden gesture, but you didn't react in any way, which relieved him a lot.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, yeah? You can always come to my place or call me and I'll be there to pick you up and get your mind off things, alright?" You nodded with a soft smile on your lips.

You slowly turned back to him "Where have you been all my life? I would've needed you way sooner." Nate tried to contain his happiness.

You telling him you needed him, letting him touch your thigh and wearing his outfit? He was sure that he was the happiest man alive right now.

"Yeah, I also wish I could've been there sooner. But I'm here now, and I'm not gonna leave again." he assured. You placed your hand atop his on your thigh and nodded "Thank you.."

Everything was going so so well, until this Jake guy from your arts class decided to speak to you. He must've seen you with Nate, the two of you were almost inseparable after all. Did he have a death wish or something?

The way he looked at you as well, it made him sick.

You didn't even notice it, you were your usual friendly self, telling him something Nate couldn't make out from his seat, two rows behind the two of you. But it couldn't have possibly been funny enough for him to laugh so hard, that he had to place his hand on your shoulder for support.

He never cared much about Jake, never even talked to the guy, but he'd love to beat the shit out of him right now. Only stopping when you tell him to.

But based on your personality, you'd probably stop him right away.

Nate had more than enough however, when the guy still had his hand on your shoulder after ten seconds.

Nate got up, the sound of the chair scraping along the tiles on the floor so loud, that both you and Jake turned around right away.

Nate stared daggers into Jake as he made his way to the two of you, resulting in Jake's eyes widening slightly and him finally removing his hand from your shoulder "Move." was all Nate needed to say for Jake to smile at you one last time before immediately getting up and walking to his friend's desk.

You frowned at Nate not sure what had gotten into him. "Are you mad? Is everything okay?" You asked, worry evident on your face.

He was more than happy that you reacted this way and didn't ask him what the fuck was wrong with him for scaring the poor guy like that.

He shook his head before smiling "Everything's fine don't worry.. Jake's just really flirty with every girl that he sees, I just wanted to protect you." he reasoned.

You frowned, not aware that Jake has ever flirted with any girls in your classes, or you to begin with. He just seemed friendly, but you brushed it off nonetheless, knowing that Nate probably knew him better than you did.

"Wait, you’ve never had a boyfriend?" Nate asked in feigned disbelief, as you two sat in his living room after school one day. You shook your head in response as you waited for Nate to laugh at you.

Except, he didn't.

It only made him happier that you finally confirmed his theory.

He didn't expect you to have any ex-partners, since you told him you never really socialized or had stable friendships with anyone in the past.

He figured you also hadn't been in a relationship as well then. But your confirmation only made him happier. And you didn't seem like the type to just sleep with the next best boy you meet so he figured you also must be a virgin.

And he was eating it up.

Whenever he'd jerk himself off, he’d think about you and how fucking amazing you'd feel around him. How shy you would be in front of him once you two got intimate for the first time.

And after every time he came, he craved you even more. It took everything within him to refrain from picking you up and carrying you in his bed whenever you came over.

But he always told himself that the wait would be worth it.

He'd wait just for you, no matter how long it'd take.

"I just never got to form that kind of connection with anyone, since I barely talk to people.." You said as you played with the hem of your red sundress.

Yeah, you also started wearing dresses.

You told yourself that Nate wasn't the reason for it, but you knew that without him, you would have never considered wearing them in the first place.

You saw the way he looked at that one cheerleader, during one of his games last week and despite the fact that you never wanted to date him, you couldn't help but feel the urge to be... perfect in front of him.

Nate also noticed that.

Before, you'd just wear your baggy jeans to school, preferring comfort over style. But ever since last week, you seemed to constantly wear dresses and skirts.

Not only that, but you also did your best to appeal to him. You wore more make up, you shaved your arms despite not being too hairy to begin with. You pout so much effort into looking even more beautiful than you were already.

He wasn't sure why though, because he didn't push you that much after you went to the boutique. He was praying that you only do it for him and not to impress any other boy at school though.

"Besides, it's useless anyways. Who knows when my father is gonna move again.." You said, suddenly feeling sad as you thought about your life without Nate.

Nate considered that as well.

He didn't like the idea at all and he'd do anything to stop that from happening. To stop your parents from taking you away from him.

Hell, he'd buy you a flat somewhere if he has to, or have you move in with him if that's what it took.

Nate took your hand in his, brushing his thumb over your knuckles "Hey, don't think about that alright? We'll find a solution if that should happen." he said reassuringly.

You nodded, a small smile on your face. You loved it when Nate was affectionate. You seemed to be the only person he was genuinely nice to.

"What about you though? I bet you had plenty of relationships." You grinned, his hand still comfortably wrapped around yours.

Nate chuckled "Yeah I didn't have that many relationships, but the ones I had were… intense." He answered "Oh, that bad?" you asked as you frowned at him.

He was more than glad you asked, because now he could finally tell you about Maddy and Cassie in a subtle way.

Once he was done, you’d never even consider believing them.

He nodded in response "Yeah... I was with Maddy for a pretty long time, do you know her?" he asked, hoping to find out whether she's talked to you or not.

You thought for a moment before nodding your head. "I think she's in one of my classes. Maddy... Perez?" Nate nodded, swallowing hard.

He was hoping you didn't know her, praying that the both of you never cross paths. But that was hopeless considering how popular she was.

"She's.. definitely something." You chuckled dryly as you couldn't help but compare yourself to her.

You didn't stand a chance with Nate if that's his type.

You always thought she was really pretty, and since she was on the cheerleading team, you knew she must be popular too. You always saw her with her group of friends and you admired her style, her beauty, her confidence, everything.

But she always seemed to give you weird looks and now you could imagine why. She probably was still in love with Nate, and didn’t like him having female friends.

Nate noticed the smile on your face falter just a slight bit, and he could only assume that she must've treated you badly that bitch, always causing fucking problems

"What do you mean?" You shrugged, unsure of how to explain it "She just... She's really pretty and I like her style. I wanted to compliment her before but she always gives me this look." You responded, your gaze locked onto the carpet.

Nate frowned at the thought of her.

How dare she even look your way? And how dare she make you feel uncomfortable? He could imagine why she was looking at you though, probably annoyed by how much time you and him spend, and how obedient you were already.

Something she could never do.

"But maybe I'm just imagining things, I might be a bit paranoid.. She's really pretty though, I bet the two of you looked great together.." Nate cringed at your words.

He couldn’t stand her, and the thought of everything he did for her, despite her acting like a bitch all the time, made his blood boil. The sound of her voice alone gave him chills, reminding him of how often she’d yell at him in front of her friends.

He's sure that you and him would look way better together.

"I'm honestly glad we're not together anymore.. She was awfully mean, and just so ungrateful." he sighed as he looked to the ground. "She constantly blamed me for everything when she was clearly at fault, fuck, she even..."

You weren't sure if you've seen Nate so vulnerable before, so hurt and all because of that girl. "…She even cheated on me at a party, in front of everyone, just because we had an argument." your eyes widened.

You did not expect Maddy to be such a bad person. Especially to someone like Nate, he seemed like he'd give his all to the person he loves. He was giving you his all and you weren't even his girlfriend.

You removed your hand from his, and scooted closer to him, wrapping your arm around his firm back and leaning your head against his arm. "I'm so sorry Nate.. you didn't deserve that.." You said as you stroked his back.

Nate suddenly got goosebumps, not expecting you to hug him like that. He was convinced he deserved an oscar for that performance, that's for sure. He leaned into your touch, enjoying how close he was to you, and the sweet scent of your perfume.

"It's alright... I got over it eventually. Sometimes people just disappoint you and you have to learn to live with it." he responded.

Which was an absolute fucking lie.

He still wanted to hurt her for humiliating him like that back at the pool, and he also still prays for her downfall and a chance to humiliate her just as bad.

You lifted your head and looked at him "We don't have to speak about her anymore if you don't want to. I'll even slap her for you if you want." you said half jokingly.

You'd never purposefully hurt anyone, or risk being the center of attention at school. But you just wanted to see Nate happy. He seemed so sad right now and even if he said he's over it, you knew he wasn't.

Nate chuckled before wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you flat against his chest "There's no need for that. I'm just glad that you're here right now, you're all I need." He said as he stroked your shoulder.

You tried not to freak out.

The fact that he held you so close and literally told you that you're all he needed made you feel things, you didn't want to feel.

You didn't want to feel like he liked you more than just in a platonic way. You didn't want to get your hopes up, hell you didn't even want to have a crush on him.

You were so sure that you didn't have a chance, especially when he told you who his ex girlfriend was, but then why did he treat you like that? Why did he tell you you were all he needed?

“Do you also know Cassie, by chance?” he asked after a moment of silence. You thought for a moment, before shaking your head. He sighed, both in relief and in annoyance as he remembered her.

“Cassie and I also used to date. But she turned into an absolute psycho after some time. She was totally obsessed with me…” Nate explained before he sighed. “If she ever talks to you, tell me, alright? Same with Maddy, don’t talk to any of them.” he added suddenly very serious.

You nodded in response “What exactly did she do..? If you don’t mind me asking.” You asked carefully, since it seemed to be a touchy subject for him.

“She was.. possessive, unpredictable, and insecure. I was scared of her sometimes I can’t even lie... She just has this insane look in her eyes, at first I didn’t notice it but as our relationship progressed, I couldn’t ignore it anymore.”

Your eyes widened once again. If she really was that possessive over Nate, what if she thinks you two are together? Would she actually hurt you? You swallowed hard at the thought.

Nate observed your reaction, taking notice of how pale you became suddenly He didn't mean to scare you, but he had to warn you, in order to protect you from both of them.

"Jeez, that's... actually scary." you chuckled dryly, not sure how to react to the newfound information. "Don't worry though, I'll protect you from them, you got nothing to worry about." he said as he looked at you longingly.

Would it be too soon to ask you to be his now?

Probably the wrong moment to ask you, since he just told you about his crazy ex girlfriends. But he didn't want to wait any longer, he couldn't wait much longer.

Not when his need for you became stronger and stronger.

Sure, being your friend and spending time with you was amazing. You were sweet, funny and you wouldn't refuse him a thing. But it wasn't enough for him, not really.

He needed to act soon, because it frustrated him more and more each day. Nate just had to catch you talking to a boy from your class and it made him furious.

Not to mention how sexually frustrated he was.

His hand was not enough to satisfy him anymore, he craved so much more and that only caused him to be insufferable at times, unable to relax and always in a bad mood.

He really tried his hardest not to lash out on you like he did on McKay or his teammates. He was sure that if Cassie dared to approach him or you he'd absolutely lose his shit.

“Didn’t know you were home yet.”

You and Nate turned towards the person who just entered the living room in unison. It was Nate’s brother Aaron.

Great.

Nate rolled his eyes and sighed. Why was he home already? “Yeah, school ended earlier today.” He replied drily. He did not want Aaron to interact with you in any way, since he knew how off putting he could be.

“Let’s go,” Nate got up as he looked at you with a cold expression. You knew not to ask any questions when he got like this, so you just nodded and got up from the sofa.

“Woah, who are you? New girlfriend?” Your eyes widened as you laughed nervously “Oh, n-no we’re just really good friends.” You stated as you smiled at his brother.

And it bothered Nate so much. Why were you smiling at him? He knew you only wanted to be polite, but it bothered him because Aaron wasn’t worthy of your politeness or smile.

He wanted to be the only guy you smile at, even though that’s basically impossible with how fucking nice you were.

Aaron smiled back at you, as he playfully tilted his head to the side “That’s surprising, d’you have a boyfriend already?” He asked before he looked you up and down “Because you’re definitely Nate’s type.”

The room fell silent for a moment, mostly because you didn’t know what to say to that at all, and because Nate tried his hardest not to turn into an aggressive asshole in front of you.

You once again chuckled nervously, before you swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling like your heart would jump out any moment. “Um… I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m sure that I’m not Nate’s type.”

You didn’t even know why you said the last part, because you could tell that Nate was fuming more and more with each word you said to him. Before Aaron could respond, Nate did “Alright enough, Aaron, we’ll head upstairs now if you don’t mind.”

Aaron sighed exaggeratedly “That’s too bad, I really enjoyed the company of…?” he said as he looked towards you now “Y/n.” You responded, and Aaron nodded “Y/n, go ahead, you know where my room is.” Nate commanded.

You really wish it didn’t, but his demanding tone and sudden change of persona really did something to you. It excited you in a way.

You nodded and walked towards the hallway, where Aaron was standing. Before you could pass him though, he moved in front of you, looking down at you with a predatory grin “You know, if Nate doesn’t want you, I’d be totally down-”

Your eyes widened in response as you heard Nate stomping towards the two of you.

Nate had more than enough by now, “Shut the fuck up already!” He almost yelled. Aaron chuckled “I was just joking around why’re you so mean in front of your cute little friend?” He mocked before smirking at you again.

Nate turned towards you, this time even more irritated “Go upstairs, now.” You gulped and finally moved towards the stairs again, quickly making your way up.

You were sitting on Nate’s bed as you could hear his deep voice downstairs and you were sure he’d actually beat his brother up. You couldn’t make out what he was saying except for a very loud “Stay the fuck away from her!”

You didn’t have to wait for long until Nate entered the room, slamming the door shut behind him. He eyed you with a mixture of possessiveness and longing but also with a hint of softness.

His mind was currently occupied with fantasies about fucking you on his bed, while you moan about how good he feels, and how he’s the only one you need, while his brother is forced to listen to your moans that echo through the entire house. Knowing he could never be lucky enough to be in his spot.

He wondered if you’d be into that? If you had this corrupt side that no one knew about. Maybe you fantasized about him as well?

“Sorry about my brother, he’s a fucking asshole.” Nate stated as he walked towards you. “I hope he didn’t make you feel too uncomfortable..” He added as his gaze softened.

You shook your head, your signature smile on your lips “No, don’t worry. Are you okay though? I hope you guys didn’t fight too hard..”

He loved how considerate you were despite everything that happened. Despite Nate being somewhat rude to you earlier, and his brother making you uncomfortable, you still cared for Nate.

“No, not much more than we usually do, don’t worry.” He sighed as he plopped down on the bed next to you. “Wanna watch a movie?” He asked as he tilted his head to the side. You smiled and nodded in response.

Nate turned his TV on and grabbed the remote before he plopped down onto his bed again. He scooted towards you, wrapping his arm around you and you could’ve sworn you’ve never felt more at peace than in moments like these. Nestled against him, comfortably on his bed.

And Nate felt the same way, if not even more at peace.

You were his escape from his fucked up family just as much as he was yours, and you were the only one he truly cared for besides himself. He couldn’t wait until he could finally call you his.

In his eyes you were his already, from the moment he first laid eyes on you. And he’s come so far, molded you into perfection. There’s no way he’d let you go.

All that was left now, was to make you officially his.

✎ Thank you so so so much for reading I hope you liked it :3 again don’t be shy to give me honest feedback, likes and reblogs are appreciated!! ♡

- Cassandra

[pomefioredove]

okay after reading all the goth hc, I gotta ask. how do you think the guys would react (any of them but preferred Floyd and Idia ) to playing them goth music/show them a trad goth outfit/makeup look (suprise them maybe? For example: I hc Leona to just have the least slay music taste to mankind (beastmankind?) so you play him- idk let’s say Lebanon Hanover, and he’s like “wtf is this herbivore?” But then he kinda gets into it. no pressure to write for it btw!

-✨♥️✨

ANON I was literally thinking about making a post like this a few days before this ask... you have my heart. I'm doing a full post

summary: nrc boys and goth type of post: headcanons characters: nrc students additional info: platonic or romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is not specified to be yuu, half-headcanons half-x reader author's note: I'm assuming that goth as a subculture and a music scene already exists in this world. this post is also mostly about the music scene

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Riddle is essentially a baby bat

he's like, two bad life choices away from going full victorian goth at any given moment

he flat out refuses to listen to anything "vulgar" but secretly adores the dark, poetic side to goth

he's also morbidly obsessed with death, being a sad victorian boy and the child of two doctors. it works

as much as I hate to say it, Ace starts out as the kind of guy to say he wants a "goth gf" on multiple occasions

he proudly announces it to everyone at an unbirthday party once and Riddle almost kills him for being annoying for interrupting

thinks the music is too sad

...but he mellows out eventually (your influence)

both Deuce and Trey are not particularly interested

(Deuce leaned into punk music as a preteen but has since "given it up" because it's too unruly for an aspiring honors student, in his opinion)

Cater inexplicably already knows a lot about goth

won't talk about it unless you bring it up first but if you play him something semi-popular

he'll be like "oh yeah I know that one"

he has a few songs on his playlist he listens to when he's alone

is a goth magnet himself. pulls many hot goths. no one knows how

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Jack is also not really into it. not his thing

however I can see him secretly being into emo

make of that what you will

and Ruggie will never pass you the aux again. he calls it "halloween music"

Leona acts thoroughly uninterested for a long time

like, he'll listen to the music you give him, but doesn't really say whether he likes it or not

says he doesn't care about the scene (thinks it's too pretentious)

and pretends to be annoyed when you give him more song recs

but he gets into it. he starts listening on his own

he has a definite preference for gothic rock

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Jade is already goth (to me at least)

and very eager to talk about his favorite bands

loves giving recommendations

apparently the coral sea has its own goth subgenres and bands, which sound... much different from land ones

Floyd will listen (has listened, thanks to his brother) but he doesn't particularly care

he much prefers the aesthetic, it reminds him of home

...being that he's from the deep sea, where it's dark and cold

the flowy, dark, elegant looks are just enchanting to him. he can't keep his eyes off it

Azul couldn't be bothered

he's willing to learn, but isn't a huge fan of the general... strangeness

(he doesn't really understand why anyone would want to be perceived as strange in the first place)

and the music is so unmelodic to him

"that was just a man moaning and a gate creaking for seven minutes" and then he bans you from his office

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Kalim literally listens to goth already

I don't know how to explain it but I know he does

it's so funny because he never ever dresses goth or acts stereotypically goth but every once in a while he'll be like "who wants to hear my new favorite song? :D" and it's like, alien sex fiend. and no one can say anything about it

Jamil is an appreciator

depending on what you show him, he could really get into the lyricism and general mood

...if only because he finds goth dancing absolutely mesmerizing

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Rook is goth

he only dresses the part sometimes, but he's always been very passionate about the poetic elements of the music

...really into french coldwave

in terms of fashion he leans romantic goth

it just makes sense to me. he could find beauty in absolutely anything, and the dark and macabre are no exception

will talk your ear off about his favorite bands if you give him the chance

Vil is really more into the style than the music

he's dabbled in a little bit of everything; trad goth, romantic goth, medieval goth. he pulls all of it off

honestly, if anything, the gothic style compliments his features and tastes more than anything

he has such a respect for the subculture and the dedication that goes into the visual elements

Epel doesn't get it. sorry 😔

he will listen to the music you recommend because he cares about you, but he just doesn't like it

he's in the same boat as Azul. "was that a slide whistle?"

absolutely baffled, but he likes you and it's a small price to pay for your happiness

(and he thinks the fashion is too androgynous for his tastes)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

I feel like Idia also used to think he wanted a goth until he saw the e-girl vs goth discourse, freaked out, then spent two weeks reading about different subcultures

...still wants a goth partner

but now he actually knows what that means

will listen to any music you give him out of respect (fear) and won't say anything about whatever weird taxidermy-related hobby you have

he's surrounded by death all the time anyway who cares

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

you could get Silver to listen to the cure's entire discography and he'd come out of it really enjoying just like heaven and nothing else

it's just... not for him

(plus the slower songs put him to sleep)

Malleus somehow hasn't even heard of goth as a genre when you approach him

he is. a little disappointed it's not music about the architecture style

but he still warms up to it, especially as someone who enjoys finding the beauty in the dark and misunderstood

you can fix him. you can goth him.

Sebek joins only after everyone in Diasomnia gets in on it with you (he doesn't like being left out)

he loves it because silver doesn't and malleus does

peepaw Lilia is an old goth

he was around when the music scene started, and he also remembers the literature movement it was named after, and the popular architecture style that was named after, and...

...you get it

still, he's always pleased to learn about new bands and subgenres and styles and the like

could and will talk about it for hours and hours with you

he dresses the part, too

we love him

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

please can I request soft/ fluff HCs with Peter quill? it’s sinful how little fics there are of him, so had to ask you :) 💕 preferably female but GN is fine too

hii! omg yess that’s so true, there is literally no fics of him! I have searched for so long to find some quill fics but often come up empty, so if anyone has recs, please please send them my way (I need them and him) ive never wrote for quill so hope these are accurate. thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌

headcanons/ imagines

peter quill x f reader

warnings || none

a/n || I may have done this first, sorry to all the others in my inbox, this was something fun to do and hopefully it might kick me into writing again

masterlist + rules

taglist

- it’s a given, but you guys talk about music ALL the time, it’s definitely a very important part of your relationship. maybe you share new songs with him from different decades, but you definitely prefer his music and he loves that you love his music

- he has an abundance of funky, fun and cool graphic tees, he loves to share them with you and probably prefers them on you

- he definitely fell first

- he loves to make you laugh, constantly cracking jokes. doesn’t even need to try and you’d just be laughing or smiling at him. his favourite laughs of yours are when you snort or cackle at his unintentional jokes

- it makes him feel special that you pay attention to the little things he says and when you react earnestly to them

- even though he LOVES the other guardians, he definitely prefers one on one time with you and loves to have you all to himself. he also loves your attention, and he definitely craves time with you

- he has major abandonment issues, so he doesn’t like you leaving his side. you’d be like his lucky rock, or a special penny that he always needs near. you are incredibly special to quill and he is often terrified that he’ll lose you too

- he craves validation, especially from you

- he is a lot smarter than he gives himself credit for. he’s definitely learnt tonnes from rocket over the years

- if he ever has to do a mission separately from you (would take a lot of persuasion and reassurance first) but he always brings back some special for you, something tailored and important to you, something that holds significance

- he’s incredibly sentimental, again not always showing it. he feels safe with the other guardians, but even more so with you. he doesn’t often like talking about his mother (he finds it too difficult) it took a lot of time, but he eventually shared that part of his life with you, and he was glad he did because your reaction was exactly what he needed

- an amazing hugger, he’s super comforting and safe. he has a very homely vibe and instantly makes you feel at ease

- you two have a very fun and easygoing relationship, it’s light and airy, but serious and passionate when it needs to be. a very sincere and genuine dynamic

- he taught you how to speak groot, he’s a great teacher but it took some getting used to

- he likes when you sit on his lap when he steers the ship, even though it’s not technically safe, he loves having you near when he is in the captain's seat (or just on his lap in the seat in general)

- but if need be, your seat is behind him, so it’s not too far away

- he loves teaching you things, he wanted to be the one to teach you about the ship and its buttons and controls

- I had this idea: that you take him to earth (he might not be too fond of the idea at first) but you surprise him with concert tickets so you both could see a band he loves. he’d never stop talking about it, and he’d keep the ticket stubs pinned up so he could look at them all the time

- he would do ANYTHING for you, he goes love blind (may have gotten himself hurt a couple of times to protect you)

- you both invented a special code/ encryption so you can talk to each other over comms. if he is on the other side of the ship (maybe tinkering) he’ll send you a secret message to let you know he’s thinking of you

- you guys don’t really argue (that’s not a bad thing either) if you have a disagreement it’s usually very light, and unserious, he’d probably accidentally make you laugh during it and then everything goes back to normal

- but if you ever do get into an argument, he can be quite stubborn

- he is a man-child (but the best kind!!) he can be immature and cocky but he’s always lighthearted. he’s just a fun-loving goof

- he loves when you call him starlord (but you don’t say it too often, so it doesn’t lose its meaning)

- you helped him process his grief, especially after yondu. once he felt comfortable talking about him again, he’d tell you all of these stories about him growing up

- he no longer drinks to forget, he now prefers a social drink after a mission with the crew instead. he doesn’t feel the need to drink himself silly now that he has you

- the guardians think you’re a great addition to the team and love that you make quill so happy

- you and peter share stories of earth with the others, sometimes you’d bend the truth and say wacky absurd things to joke around with them, but that being said it often flies over their heads, especially drax and mantis

- you two are definitely best friends as well as a couple, the perfect balance of friendship and romance, which is what makes the connection so special

[charliemwrites]

Ehheheheh

I really love your drabbles and stories and series and like- I'm begging do you have recs for fics and blogs who you like? Dunno if you've already done this or not, I'm super sorry if I've wasted your time, but like I really like your work and those audios you based the charmed serial killer Simon series off of are exactly my type so the thought process behind my ask was basically-

Okay, they've got WOHDJWHF (positive) taste in audios, their series and writing is just to die for, I'm pretty sure if I wanted to ask someone for fic recs you'd be the perfect choice so like

I beg

Ehehhehe…⁠ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ

Hi!!!! Ohhh do I have recs. Sooooo many recs.

This is not an exhaustive list obvs. If you want something specific - like a vibe or a tag, I can absolutely add some more. Same for specific audios, music, tv….

For blogs, obvs the loves of my life @ceilidho, @ohbo-ohno, @eilidh-eternal, @luminousbeings-crudematter. I know I’m forgetting some. It’s not because I don’t love anyone or their work, my brain is just a disorganized filing cabinet.

I think all or most of those blogs have AO3 accounts so PLEASE go to their blogs, find their stuff, and check out their ao3s because OOF

Also on AO3, I really like anything MildLimerance writes.

“Surviving You” by WhisperedWords12

BennyHatter’s “COD Shifter au” is one I’ve read REPEATEDLY. Really good world building and character studies

“I’ll give you anything everything if you want things” by imneednap (HOLY HELL THIS ONE. I read it twice in a row. It… it sent me on the obsessive Johnny path)

“Learning Experience” series by AvaLoren

“Mine & Yours” series by Artemis_Neardos (so intense I always get a headrush)

Now for audios….

Badjhur has sort of become synonymous with COD audios, or a lot of smut audios in general I think?

Run_N-Coke has a great portfolio. (His was the first smut audio I EVER listened to. I had the volume up to high, got spooked, and dropped my phone on my face. Forgave him though)

AmbroseKincaidVA

ScotsLibrarian (he has dom Soap audios to DIE for)

Akuma_asmr

AntiqueVA

BloomingVA

RaidynReborn

Okay and this one is a bit more obscure I think (?) and also please be mindful of his tags because he does NOT fuck around. But if you like REALLY dark audios, Evil-scotsman. A good starter would probs be his sleep paralysis demon one. Gave me some Soap Thoughts™️ that I’m planning to expand on soon :)

[powerful-niya]

Fic Author Self Rec! When you get this reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, or some snippets from upcoming WIPS. Let’s spread the self-love! Love ya and thank you for all you do!! 💖

Hello, Days! It's always so nice to hear from you! And self-love, self-care, love, and everything in between are very important! I know I definitely need it, haha. My mind has been everywhere lately, so this ask was much appreciated. Thank you so much.

I want to share an upcoming WIP that I've been pouring my heart into. It's really special to me, and it's one of the last one-shots I will be uploading for the past NHMonth23 event.

The prompts I put together are: Beauty and the Beast + Reincarnated Lovers + Destiny. 

Ever since I watched the Kdrama, "The Tale of the Nine-Tailed" (I highly recommend it!!), I've been inspired to write a reincarnated lovers Naruto oneshot/fanfic. Also, my sister helped me with this plot as well!

And so here it is—a snippet of it anyway, hehe.

The Beginning 

17th century.

1600s.

---

Naruto Uzumaki 

Naruto wasn't supposed to love.

He wasn't meant to love at all. He had taken a solemn oath—never to love, never to wed, never to father children.

He wasn't meant to fall for anyone.

Certainly not Hinata Hyūga.

The Princess of Konoha, the delicacy of the land, the diamond of the ton. Not to mention, she was the daughter of Hiashi Hyūga himself. 

He was a king, a formidable ruler known throughout the land for his unwavering authority and strict governance—a man of principles, tradition, and nobility.

A man of steel. 

Having such a man as a father meant that Hinata's upbringing was meticulously planned down to the finest detail. 

From childhood to adulthood, she was taught to walk with poise, to speak with eloquence, and to conduct herself with the dignity befitting a princess. 

Her every move was scrutinized, and her every action was held to the highest standards. 

Her attire was always immaculate, her manners impeccable, and her education comprehensive. She was trained in the fine arts, fluent in several languages, and educated in the intricate politics of the court. She was even skilled in musical instruments, having mastered the piano, harp, and violin. 

Hinata was groomed to be flawless, and untouchable. Absolutely perfect. 

And that is what she became. 

A beacon of perfection in the eyes of society, more than suitable to one day marry, bear children, and assist the Hyūga lineage flourish and prosper. 

Hinata was the epitome of beauty and grace, off-limits to all except suitors with suitable titles—a precious gem that no commoner or knight could ever hope to touch.

Certainly not a knight like him. Not Naruto.

He was her royal guard, a position of great honor. He was meant to safeguard her, to be by her side for all of her days, to protect her and remain loyal—not to love her.

She was supposed to be off-limits to him. Yet, he crossed those limits. 

He fell in love with her.

Naruto recalled the subtle moments when it all began—the fleeting smiles, the accidental touches, the stolen glances, not just from him, but from her too. 

Her gaze began to linger on him just a second longer than usual, and in those moments, he saw a spark of something more in Hinata's shy eyes—an unspoken connection, a shared understanding that he couldn't ignore.

At first, Naruto thought it was just him.

He figured he was just imagining things. But then he started to see that spark in Hinata's eyes more and more—a twinkle of longing, a yearning for the freedom she saw in him. 

Each interaction, each shared glance, built a bridge between them, one that was both exhilarating but terrifying. 

It felt so new. So wrong.

Naruto wasn't sure how it all happened. 

The progression from duty to love was a blur. It was as if one day he was merely her protector, and the next, his heart was entirely hers. The line between his oath and his feelings had blurred, and he suddenly found himself drawn to Hinata in ways he could neither control nor comprehend.

It was the greatest victory of his life.

And the greatest mistake of his life.

Nights in the moonlit garden of Konoha palace were where they began to meet in secret. 

One night led to another, and another, and before long, they were meeting almost every night.

They would spend their evenings together under the starry night sky. They would sit on the soft grass, surrounded by the fragrant blooms, and talk for hours. They shared their days, struggles, dreams—anything and everything. It didn't matter to them, as long as they were together.

They would even have playful moments where they chased each other through the garden, past the flowers, and under the stars. 

Naruto remembers how Hinata's laughter would flutter through the night, how her delicate hands gripped her dress as she ran, her face radiant with happiness.

And he would chase after her. Always.

"Catch me, catch me, Naruto-kun!" She would cheer.

And indeed, he would catch her, their laughter mingling as they collapsed onto the soft grass, breathless and happy.

These moments became the only light in Naruto's world.

Hinata became the only light in his world.

The sweetness of her smile, the warmth of her embrace, her lavender eyes full of love, her silky midnight blue hair, her sweet scent, her heartfelt laugh, and her gentle spirit—all of it stayed with him.

Deep in his heart. 

Day after day, despite the risk, despite the danger, despite duty or even mere common sense, the two were drawn into an ever-going routine.

Princess and knight by day.

And lovers by night.

Both were always eager for nightfall, when Hinata could slip out of her bed chamber, and Naruto could desert his post to meet in the garden of Konoha palace.

Some nights, when they met together, they would just lie on their backs, gaze at the stars and imagine a future where they could be together. 

During these times, Hinata often grew vulnerable with him. She shared her deepest fears and her greatest desires, opening up in a way she couldn't with anyone else.

Hinata confided in him about her longing for freedom and the strict control her father exerted over her life. 

"He is determined to marry me off—my f-father," She told Naruto that night, nearly driven to tears, "Love was never supposed to be a consideration for me. That's what my father has always told me, that I need to marry. I need to choose my family. I need to choose duty. But I f-feel—" Hinata admitted, but then she stopped herself.

Naruto listened intently, as he always did, trying his best to lighten her heart and unburden her.

"You feel differently, don't you, Hinata-sama?" Naruto asked gently. 

"You've chosen love, haven't you, hime?" He added softly.

And the look that appeared in her eyes touched his heart deeply.

Yes. I choose love. I choose you, her eyes had told him.

But there was more. 

Her eyes showed a plea for freedom, for something real and true, beyond the cold, heartless world she had always known.

Naruto's heart ached for her, it truly did. 

He found himself leaning close, taking her hands in his, and he made the mistake of promising to always protect her. He gave her hope that he could save her from such a horrid life, to be the source of freedom and love she so desperately sought.

"I'll figure something out. I'll save you, I promise," He had assured her.

Naruto remembered the joy that instantly appeared in Hinata's eyes, how she believed him wholeheartedly, placing all her trust in him.

That night, she actually kissed him for the very first time.

"Thank you, Naruto-kun," She whispered against his lips.

But he should have known better than to make such a promise.

What they had was fragile yet unbreakable when they were together, a beautiful dream they lived each and every night.

But dreams were fleeting. Reality was cruel. 

And, forbidden love never lasts.

They were caught. 

Hinata and Naruto thought it would be another quiet, hidden night together in the garden, a sanctuary where they could steal moments away from prying eyes, just like all those times before. 

But they were wrong.

Naruto could still remember the rustling of leaves and the snap of a twig that alerted them too late.

Suddenly, they were ambushed. 

King Hiashi's guards emerged from the darkness, torches in hand, intent on seizing them both.

Naruto fought back fiercely, for Hinata, for both of them, but there were too many. Their sheer numbers overwhelmed him, and despite his best efforts, they managed to subdue him. Subdue them both.

The guards then dragged them away, tearing them from their sanctuary.

And just like that, their secret was out. 

Naruto had no idea how they had been discovered that night, but it didn't matter. The truth was out, the damage done, and they were now at the mercy of the King—a furious Hiashi Hyūga.

And oh, was he furious.

Their punishment was as cruel as it was merciless.

Hinata's punishment was given first. For defying her father's orders, daring to love someone beneath her stature, and tarnishing her family's honor, she faced severe consequences.

She was forbidden to see Naruto ever again.

Her tear-streaked face and dull eyes were the last sight Naruto saw of her as the guards forcibly took her away to her chambers. Naruto had never seen her so broken. Her desperate cries and pleas echoed through the cold, stone halls, her voice screaming his name the entire time. 

He could still hear her cries.

His punishment, however, was far worse. 

He was beaten, humiliated, and dragged before the King, where he was forced to his knees and made to face Hiashi's wrath.

"You have betrayed your duty, dishonored my family, and defiled my daughter," The King declared, his voice cold and unforgiving, "For that, you will pay the ultimate price."

Naruto had accepted his fate. 

He believed he deserved it for turning his back on his knight's oath and causing Hinata so much pain. He expected his punishment to be death, a swift end to his suffering. He braced himself for it, thinking it would be a merciful release compared to the agony of being separated from Hinata.

But fate had a crueler design.

Instead, Naruto was brought before a dark, malevolent witch, and he instantly knew what was in store for him. 

He would be cursed.

Indeed, the witch cast a spell upon him, a powerful one. She transformed him into a beast—a creature so hideous that Hinata would never again be able to love him. 

"You will live out your days as a beast," The witch declared, her voice dripping with malice, "Banished from this palace, condemned to wander the forest for all eternity. You will outlive her, always knowing she is beyond your reach."

Pain tore through Naruto as his body twisted and changed, the curse taking hold. His once strong hands became claws, his noble and formidable body transformed into something large and terrifying, his face a grotesque mask of the beast he had become. The guards then threw him out of the castle, casting him away from his home, away from people, and away from Hinata.

Discarded like trash. 

Now, Naruto roamed the vast, lonely forest that surrounded the palace he once sworn to protect, his heart aching for the love he had lost. 

The forest was his prison now, and loneliness was his constant companion. 

Each step he took reminded him of Hinata, of the tender moments they had shared and the future that had been stolen from them. 

His curse was relentless, ensuring he would never forget. He was cursed to remember, to feel the pain of their love that could never be, every single day.

The only way his curse could be broken was if he was loved again. True love. 

But how could that ever happen? 

He was now a beast, feared and shunned by all who saw him. The idea of someone seeing past his beast form to the man within, understanding his pain, and loving him, seemed utterly impossible.

It was all wishful thinking. An unattainable dream. 

A painful hope he no longer allowed himself to wish for.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Vmin at Tae's Music Bank pre-recording

Negative people: vmin are over, move on, delulus.

vmin: hold my beer.

They truly get you when you least expect it, don't they? Just when I was sure we wouldn't get any vmin interactions beyond Jimin posting on IG, Jimin showed up to support Tae at his Music Bank pre-recording. And like that wasn't enough, we got so many cute interactions (Tae saying that Jimin came beautifully, don't mind if I scream) and things because of it, even if we didn't get to see them and only have what K-ARMYs shared with us. But what they shared? Truly brings me back to the best of times.

If you'd like to read all the translations, here's a thread.

And add to that the fact that Tae was recording For Us with a moon as stage decor when Jimin showed up. And the fact that when Jimin was sad he'd missed Slow Dancing, Tae decided to perform it again for Jimin. The finger hearts. The cuteness.

At one point Tae supposedly mentioned how he didn't bring Yeontan with him this time (unlike his performance here where he had Yeontan's debut) and said, jokingly, that maybe next time he could have ARMY next to him. Then he asked if there's anyone there with the stage presence and whatnot who'd want to do it. Lots of hands were raised before ARMY started calling out Park Jimin, Park Jimin!

Well, Tae did end up saying he'd consider it so who knows, maybe one day we'll get vmin together again. Preferably before 2025/26, but I don't want to be too greedy.

And of course, how could I forget, Tae calling Jimin 'my testicle'. You did read that right, yes. I'm not making it up, I swear.

To Jiminie To my friend Jiminie, my testicle <3 (x)

Apparently it should be 'testicle friend', meaning a very close friend, like a childhood friend, but Tae left out the friend. It's giving me 'my dear calves' vibes. Very Tae. Love it. Truly wouldn't be vmin if we didn't get something like this.

And at the end, as they were leaving the building, we got a vmin hug as grand finale. Admin 2 thinks that the way Tae looked as they walked outside was very indicative of why we barely ever, or rather never, see vmin in the wild, (it's like that time years ago when they were at the airport and vmin came around the corner with Tae having his arm around Jimin's shoulders, but as they stepped into the space where people could see them, he immediately took his arm away and had the same deer caught in the headlights kind of look on is eyes/face as he did when they left the KBS building after the pre-rec) and also that it looks like Tae was giving Jimin hand signals a la I'll see you later. Like maybe they had plans for later or something?

Either way, this pre-recording truly was a gift that kept on giving.

And let's also not forget all the 95z appreciation from the press headlines reminding everyone that yes, 95z are and always will be love and soulmates.

[mackmp3]

mack-anthology-of-noise -> mack-anthology-mp3 -> mackmp3

hello i'm mack :]

welcome to my blog it is terrible!

here i post about. things. that appear in my mind. and exit it in tumblr form. mostly music and art related! (hopefully)

i am a lesbian (possibly aspec not sure), she/her/his (they is okay if you forget) (i like mostly she/her with a little bit of he - like she/her first if that makes sense). i am also butch! boydyke or something idkkkk but also not quite. boy in a girl way. or something <3

i am a teenager still! so please don't be weird yknow. i'm from aotearoa new zealand and am pākehā (white)

i am a musician! i play bass, guitar and sing in descending order of proficiency hehe. i can also do harmonica, thank you folk music phase, and i'll attempt piano. i write songs too! all audio recordings are under #musicking , hopefully they are cool :)

i also draw and paint! at the moment A Lot of it is of doctor who characters, so check out my other blog for that (linked further down), but all of other stuff is tagged under #my art ! i have actually improved quite a bit recently i think which is nice

i'm not really comfortable with dms but if you'd like to say hi or talk about / rec some music or just tell me something, please send an ask! I would love to hear from you! (if you've sent me a dm pls don't stress about it, i'd just rather not talk privately, thank you for your consideration)

it would be great if i wasn't followed by people over 30, for my own comfort - this is at my discretion, lots of you are chill. i intend no offense if i block you <3 also like. please no bigots not that any would listen to that. thanks.

my music i am normal about

pj harvey // radiohead // patti smith // joan baez // bob dylan <- my top five ever. i think. maybe. subject to change.

post punk // industrial // 90s indie // shoegaze // 60s & 70s folk & folk rock // garage rock // psychedelica // goth // dunedin sound // new wave // no wave // electronic

currently listening to more goth music & the i saw the tv glow soundtrack

pleaseeeeee talk to me about music i can and will make you a playlist on any vibe if you would like <3

media yippee

doctor who has taken over my mind! if you want to see generally mildly unhinged thoughts about the show & random bits of the eu & 1271927 art reblogs i will direct you to @butchtwelfthdoctor which is 98% doctor who atm hehe. i put my fanart there too.

you can look at my letterboxd if you so desire but i will admit i don't watch nearly as many films as i would like. my last.fm also but it doesnt pick up when im listening to the stuff ive got downloaded so. not particularly accurate. also here's my neocities (very much a work in progress)

the starless sea (favouritest book ever) // we have always lived in the castle // this is how you lose the time war // salt lick //m train (any of patti smith's books honestly) // bob dylan's chronicles // vampire science

the sideblog is @mackerel-like-the-fish for stuff that's not as on theme - if we're mutuals feel free to follow that! i mean anyone can follow it if you like but don't expect quality content lol

[inklore]

hi my love! do you have any writing tips? and words of encouragement when fics flop :(

hi darling <3 i feel like i always suck at giving writing tips but i'll try my very best for you ok. i hope some of these help! also very honored you'd even ask me 🤎

first and foremost: don't compare your writing to anyone else. everyone writes different, everyone has a certain style, a niche. if you're worried you don't have a 'style' don't, because you do. everyone does. it's not something you can make yourself have or take from others, it comes naturally with how your brain works and how it curates words and prose and scenes. that's why no book, no writing, is ever the same even if it's the same source material. it's a beautiful thing so don't stress about trying to make your writing sound or 'read' like other writers. it'll only ruin the enjoyment of how you write!

if you want to write more detailed just remember that not everything in a scene needs to be put down. the more you give the reader room to fill in the blanks and set the scene themselves the better experience for them (at least that's the case for my brain, others may feel different, but doing it this way makes me feel like i'm not adding too much detail or being repetitive). but visualizing, setting the scene for yourself through music or daydreaming is another great tip to write more detailed.

when it comes to smut i am a huge stan of you don't have to say the anatomically correct part they're using (like the p words or c word), and describing what it feels like to have that part touched, grazed, etc is really great. i struggle with fear of repeating myself so i try to find creative ways to describe body parts without actually calling them like flowery/nouns/different synonyms. i hope that made sense lmao.

don't worry about edits or making everything flow completely well in the first take. i highly rec everyone editing their own work and reading it back to themselves, yes it's tiring but it helps you find flow mistakes, add more detail, take something out that you thought fit in the moment but doesn't really. that's why i get everything out the first get go in a kind of fever dream manner and then when i go back to edit it then i buff out everything, add more, take away something, add more details that will make a scene pop off more.

now for the encouragement when it comes to flops: it's going to happen. there's no secret to making something do amazing or something failing. there really isn't and someone who says there is has just had a few lucky posts. because having a big following means nothing, writing a long fic, a short one, only using small font, being super aesthetic, really means nothing. i've seen writers with the most amazing aesthetic and beautiful prose with 100 followers write something and get 2k notes and then get 90 notes on their next post. same with someone who doesn't have a big aesthetic but a big following and writes short fics get 100 notes on their last ten posts but then that eleventh post randomly gets 1k. like it's really just up in the air on here if something is going to do good or not, unfortunately. so that's why i don't let it get to me when something i post gets 100 notes or 1k because i'm happy with both, less, or more. i don't expect anything anymore because that only leads to disappointment and i'm here to write and to have fun.

that's not to say i don't rec curating your own little community on here. make friends, block ppl with bad vibes, join discords of supportive friends. talk to writers who encourage and understand your feelings and discourse and who keep you going, give you inspo, etc etc. if only my friends ever rbed and read my stuff and there was only 10 of them? i'd say hell yeah and that'd encourage me to write more. having a good space of friends and community is amazing and can do a lot to fight off the writer scaries and the feelings of obsessing over numbers and success.

now this is just something i do but it always works for me; i post something and then force myself not to look at it for a day or two. i post it and move on to the next thing i want to work on. i do not dwell on how it's doing. i may q up some rbs for it but i don't even look at the notes when i do that. i deliberately never look at it because yes while it matters in the sense that we love encouragement, we love seeing people love something we spent hours on, we wrote this for ourselves but hello we want that validation too and that's okay, but like i said above and i'm going to say again notes mean nothing in regards to talent. these notes are not simon cowell judging you on your performance. so when i finally do go back to rb comments and reply to things, or if i just want to look at how it did, and the number is low i'm just like ok shrug at least those 20 people enjoyed it and that's better than 0. and if no one commented or rbed yeah that sucks and is disheartening but i can either dwell and be sad on it or i can continue to do what i love and write more. why let the annoying little brats on here who refuse to show their love on a work they read get you down? because there's a dozen of them out there and they're not going away. and you may have made someone's day for this little fic even if they didn't say something about it. it does suck that content creators on here don't get the rbs and comments and credit they deserve, and unfortunately if you want to keep doing what you love you gotta work around it and remind yourself why you're creating, continue to feel that joy. it's hard, believe me. but don't let your creativity be repressed because of it, because you'd be doing a disservice to yourself!

i'll say it again though: a high note count / following doesn't mean the fic is good or bad, neither does low notes / no following. no one's talent is ever in question here. we are here to write, have fun, fill the void of the rl scaries.

[eurydicees]

Idk if anyone has asked this before on tumblr or if you made a post about it, but what are your favorite hq fics? (Or fics that stuck with you)

MY FAVORITE TOPIC* !!!! so i have a #fic rec tag that i collect fics in like a dragon hoarding gold, but here are some special favorites from my ao3 bookmarks**! sorted by ship/theme, but otherwise not in any particular order (under the cut bc this got WAY too long). if you've already read all these you should ask for more recs. i have them. i have so many.

*my other favorite topic is talking about MY fics. here is a link to my ao3. shameless self promo and all that <3

**i read a, um, concerning amount of iwaoi, so this is an iwaoi heavy list. sorry but also not really because there's a LOT of good fics abt them.

getting together fics <333333

my heart is where it's always been by foreverautumn (iwaoi, 21113 words)

Iwaizumi knows he shouldn’t care who Oikawa might have feelings for, but within the span of three days, it’s somehow the only thing he can think about.

State of Grace by lahdolphin (kuroshou, 6985 words)

Kuroo's relationship with Daishou had never been simple. Kissing him didn't make up for the many years Kuroo spent agonizing over him, but it was a very good start.

all that i see by princessofthebugs (iwaoi, 649 words)

Iwaizumi confesses to him on his birthday, as he sits on his floor, shredding paper into tiny bits. "I used to like you."

the strange music of your heart by caniculeo (bokuaka, 18446 words)

in which akaashi falls for bokuto first.

i was tired and you were standing in the best light by keishn (iwaoi, 7148 words)

It's the time of year that the sun starts setting when they get out of practice. Looking at Oikawa with the pink-orange light reflected in his eyes and shining off his hair is not something Hajime thinks he can survive.

open doors and plastic stars by ikeru (iwaoi, 22708 words)

Loving Oikawa has never been exclusive to Iwaizumi—not when Oikawa is a magnet, an incandescent star that pulls and pulls until you can’t help but watch him, love him. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but his heart breaks all the same.

life is chances that are taken by bohemianraspberries (iwaoi, 3970 words)

He isn’t afraid that Oikawa won’t want to be his friend anymore, because neither of them are like that and besides, he’s fairly sure by now that Oikawa likes boys too – it’s the fear that nothing will change. He might tell Oikawa that he thinks he’s not a hundred per cent straight, Oikawa might tell him the same, and they might continue to stay best friends forever, and Iwaizumi isn’t so sure that’s all he wants anymore. Because he’s pretty certain that it’s not just boys he’s into – it’s Oikawa.

the rest of your life by Queen_Dragon_Lightning_Castle (iwaoi, 2983 words)

When Hanamaki asks him what type of girl he’d go for, Hajime shrugs. ”Dunno. As long as she’s chill.” Thereupon, Tooru tries too hard when he doesn't need to try at all.

Underneath the Mistletoe by orphan_account (kuroken, 3811 words)

While Kenma and Kuroo are out together to see the local Christmas lights, they find a special display for taking festive pictures. If only they had paid closer attention to all of the decorations...

shut up (make me) by love_yourself_1358 (iwaoi, 11557 words)

alternatively: how Oikawa is the most oblivious person ever. But that's okay. Iwaizumi will still be his happy ending.

canon-to-me character studies

An Opponent Is Announced by agletbaby (genfic, 13141 words)

In which Sakusa is trying to prepare for the Olympics, but Oikawa Tooru's backstory keeps getting in the way.

don't talk to me or any of my fourteen children ever again by meregalaxiesandgods (ukai & karasuno vbc, 39963 words)

Ukai Keishin was not—and had no interest in becoming—a father. He’d somehow become responsible for fourteen children regardless.

most people never even get a single high school rival by sulfate (iwaoi, 5217 words)

Team Argentina gets to know Iwaizumi Hajime (27) Athletic Trainer.

Through a Mother's Eyes by aunnoo (iwaoi, 2427 words)

You might've only given birth to one, but you get to watch two grow. They are your boys. (If there's anything you'd wish upon them, it'd be happiness.)

silver fork by ratboyrussell (seijoh genfic, 2774 words)

Teammates, friends, family: those who help out when needed.

AUs

The Whole Of The Moon by IetjeSiobhan (kuroken, 9253 words)

Tetsurou has never thought about it before, but right now, he is absolutely and thoroughly terrified. Because he’s so, so in love, and he’s always known that Kenma is it for him, but what if he’s not it for Kenma?

just hear me out by loveclouds (iwaoi, 7679 words)

Iwaizumi's beeper has been going off for Oikawa since they've been kids. Oikawa's has only ever been silent.

other favorites

"Blankets" - Feb 2020 Prompts by hightopboots (kuroshou, 1472 words)

There's a blizzard, Kuroo and Daishou are stuck in a cabin together.

bad days and stomach pains by kittykawas (iwaizuumi & matsukawa genfic, 3705 words)

Iwaizumi isn’t one for dramatics, generally. He tends to be straight forward and pragmatic and he doesn’t like to catastrophize - not when Oikawa is right there catastrophizing enough for a small country - but sometimes, life gets the better of him. He has bad days. And today is a terrible, horrible, fucking bullshit day.

Comfortable by queerjab (bokuroo, 3108 words)

“Dude,” Kuroo covered his eyes with one hand, feeling how red his face was getting. “I promise you cannot help with this.” “Well how would I know? You won’t tell me!” “I started my fucking period!” Kuroo exclaimed, instantly regretting the admission. “Fuck,” he mumbled, keeping his eyes covered to avoid any further embarrassment. He’d never wanted so badly to sink into the floor. “Oh,” Bokuto breathed, and Kuroo considered slapping him. “Is that all?”

can we always be this close (forever and ever?) by lunarumbra (sakuatsu/osasuna, 3128 words)

Or: Sakusa visits Onigiri Miya one night to talk about weddings and rings.

The years shall run like rabbits by ladyoflalaland (ushiten, 7292 words)

Or, Ushijima Akemi watches her son’s relationship with Tendou change over the years and finds herself changing with it.  

[cgtg]

Always wanting 2 expand my music knowledge but can’t grasp genre differences well. how do u find new music?? im relying on recs from other people most of the time but stuff like ur davekat music post is so specific and right I’m curious

i getch i getcha, i go thru dry spells where i listen 2 trhe same music over and over and over haha. i struggle with grasping genre diffs too, so i constantly compare artists 2 each other, and try to find music relevant to specific examples of shit i alrdy like. the only genre ive ever explored BY its genre n not specific artists is future funk. good genre.

im a music rabbithole-r by habit bc i just dont fucking understand genres. a lot of my music tastes r based on foundational shit i got into as a kid, like videogames or movies soundtracks, that i dragged out as long as i could.

as an e.g. , i was introduced to "why?" as a kid by an older relative. i got into "odd nosdam" because why? mentions him directly in a song on their first album. n i was like "whos that". i got into "clouddead" because its a collab between yoni wolf ("why?") and odd nosdam ("odd nosdam"). i got into "sole" cus he has a feat on that album. etc etc

got into "tmbg" because of homestar runner. got into "og maco" bc of the 12 bricks meme. got into "anamanaguchi" over a decade ago bc of this video.

it's a rlly fun way to find music🙂

i like to find out what artists are related 2 artists i already like, or what their inspirations are, or who they inspired, and move on 2 them, and do that ad nauseam til i cant anymore. i also do this with music rec'd to me by other people which is sumth u mentioned, which is how i found ppl like pinback/rob crow and lemaitre who are some of my fav artists ov all time.

if u find a single song u like, id recommend sample the entire source album in order, and then the first album by dat artist, or just which ever one has the most interesting album art. maybe. or just click on song titles that look interesting.

if u find a cool ytpmv or mashup, check their channel, check the recs on youtube and open 10 in separate tabs and go thru them one by one bc it doesnt hurt 2 be thorough. and theres so much music out there to listen to. if a band's name, song title, cover art grabs you, listen to it. at worst u frown for a minute and move on, at best u find a lifelong fave.

id rec getting shazam on ur phone so u can grab songs u hear in public.

spotify's smart shuffle is also prety good actually. if u have spotify try making a playlist of songs u like and turning that on also.

if a character you like in something references a song or artist, check them out ASAP. very very fun 2 do can provide so much context 2 the characxter as well.

if you do this kinda shit enough on youtube, your recs start to fill up with <1k view videos from independent artists. that is when you have struck gold

thats such a fun thing 2 ask, i love music so much. thank you a lot 4 asking me such a fun thing. also if anyone is reading this reply with a song u like so i can absorb more music

[allwaswell16]

This is a fic rec of fics that have a similarity to the fic These High Walls (which is also listed below) as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments to the writers! You can find all my other fic recs here. Happy reading!

These High Walls by LarryAlways28 (E, 68k, a/b/o)

Harry Styles should have the world at his feet. Born to one of Seattle's wealthiest families,  Harry was raised exactly as a Styles heir should be: sharp as a tack, witty, charming, and powerful. He was the ideal son - until he presented as an Omega. Now, barely a year after his old man dropped dead and running the family company, if he makes a mistake with the Tomlinson and Sons merger and acquisition, it's game over.

Louis Tomlinson is in over his head. After the tragic death of his older brother, Louis has no choice but to put his music career on hold and head back home to handle the family affairs. The family business is drowning and Louis doesn't know what to do. So... when the older, and wildly attractive Harry Styles offers him a deal in exchange for saving his family's legacy- how could Louis ever refuse that?

But what happens when emotions get tangled and a good business deal turns into something much more powerful?

✧-Larry-✧

The Spicy Cologne by @millionlittletings

(T, 108k, boss/employee) Harry Styles, the sole heir of the Styles Group of Hospitality Ltd, is a man like no other. 

white winged dove by duchessy

(M, 100k, royal au) Pressured to marry in order to save his family from financial and social ruin, Louis finds himself caught between wanting to be selfish and doing what he needs to do for the sake of his sisters, if no one else.

What I Have With You (I don't want with anyone else) by @lululawrence

(NR, 73k, a/b/o) Louis is an asexual alpha, Harry is his aromantic alpha friend and possible roommate, and faking a relationship might be exactly what they need to get their families and friends off their backs.

Manhattan From The Sky by sincewewereeighteen 

(E, 47k, CEO Harry) Harry's been raised to know that successful men do not fall in love. Louis believes that love is all you need to be successful in life. They meet.

I Like You, Say It Back by ishiplouis / @pocketsunshineharry

(E, 43k, a/b/o) the one where it takes a lot of time for Harry and Louis to figure it out. But they do, they always do, don't they?

How Fitting and Sweet by @soidiallednine

(M, 38k, science fiction) The planets Walloq and Traj have been at odds for nearly a century. If nothing is done soon to stop the war, the future of both worlds may be lost.

Reduce Me To A Pleading Cry (Break The Skin and Tantalize) by @taggiecb

(E, 37k, bdsm) Harry is a broody submissive boss, Louis is a natural dom who works in the mail room at Styles & Styles, Niall is a matchmaking oracle, and a slender, dark haired man stands mute at the coffee stand encouraging others to spill their secrets.

And I’d Marry You Harry (Because You Forced Me) by @2tiedships2

(NR, 24k, The Proposal au) The Proposal AU featuring Harry as Sandra Bullock, Louis as Ryan Reynolds, and all the fun a fake relationship and forced engagement can bring.

Mr. Tomlinson by iwillpaintasongforlou / @canonlarry

(E, 4k, a/b/o) Harry is the quiet cupcake of a man he calls his alpha and the only one who gets to see Louis as anything less than fearsome.

Then We Take It To The Bed, Then We Take It To The Floor by Lovinlou

(NR, 3k, a/b/o) CEO harry styles who has employees trembling in fear just by the mention of his name, giving orders and screaming at them, but behind closed doors he fully submits to his alpha taking in every order he receives.

✧-Rare Pairs-✧

Money Moves by mmaree / @zqua1d

(E, 74k, Zayn/Liam) Fake Engagement AU with Boss!Liam and Secretary!Zayn

[millimononym]

TAG GAME!!!

tagged by @cerisia76 thank u 4 the tag!! I didn't know who i should tag so I'm just gonna be answering this one

3 ships:

this is gonna be hard I'm in so many fandoms lol I'm gonna try to be diverse. Also this is super long

1. Eritav (Homestuck)

OUGHHH where do i start with these 2. Ok so tavros is my fave troll so naturally during the period i was reading Homestuck a lot i stared having dreams about him. And for some reason one time Eridan was also there so i was intrigued and looked into their ship tag on AO3 and found the best fic ever with like the best characterization, writing etc... Before i literally didn't give 2 shits about eridan but it made me love his character as well. It's called "Black sails, Black romance" by mtjester and it's about Tavros and Eridan developing a kismesissitude(which is basically hate love, for those that don't read hs). The reason i put a pic of them down there as moirails is because i can honestly see them in any quadrant, despite them never talking in canon.

For moirallegiance, i feel like it would start out rocky but eventually develop into something better. Tavros would actually be allowed to speak his mind and develop more confidence since i dont think Eridan would shut him down constantly like Vriska, as Eridan is desperate for his quadrants to actually work. And Eridan would obviously benefit from having someone to keep his ass in line.

I can see them developing into matesprits later from that as well.

And as for kismesissitude, well it's already getting too long and i already gave a fic rec for it.

image by urfavsarequadranted

2. Toxic4Toxic/Socket/Rocket x Sinedd whatever they're called (Galactik football)

Must i say anything. They give each other undiscovered mental illnesses and are horrible for each other and i love that for them. Rocket is my favorite character and so his arc in season 2 was most interesting to me, which includes his relationship with Sinedd. I feel like they could have done more with them in s2, but i already made a post about that.

3. Hinadam (Super Danganronpa 2)

AHHHH THEM. Contender for fave rarepair of all time and fave Danganronpa ship overall. Best fics on ao3. 0 fandom toxicity surrounding them. Should be shipped more than k0mahina. Is more canon than k0mahina(I'm gonna get torn apart for this opinion but idc!!!)

like the entire freetime events with Gundham ends with him letting Hajime hold his hand, which he never let ANYONE do due to his touch aversion. He never develops a relationship this strong with anyone, not even Sonia who is his friend in the game. Hajime is the only person he feels safe and comfortable letting down his walls with due to Hajime's genuine effort to understand him better and be his friend. It's genuinely touching to me idkk i think i cried a bit first time i saw it. I'm not going to go into spoilers but good god man...the chapter ....if you know you know

and also in the island mode ending, Gundham asks Hajime if he wants to live a quiet life with himself and his animals. How is this not shipped more they're literally so in love it's not even funny

And NO i do not ship it because gundham is the best character and Hajime is the character i relate to most. but that could be part of it

IDK who made this artwork I'm sorry

Last song:

Okay it's technically not these ones but its the ones i remember listening to most lately. It's rainbow factory and Terrible Things. Fun fact a childhood song of mine called Erase The Underground (undertale fansong) just. Straight up used rainboe factory's music and i never knew so when i listened to RF i got the biggest jumpscare of my LIFE

Last movie:

The last movie i remember watching fully was Howl's moving Castle bcz my sister forced me and i enjoyed it even though it's not one of my favorite ghibli movies or anything. It was cool

Currently reading:

Still reading Watership down! (I have no time for anything lately otherwise i would have finished it) and if Manga counts I've also started reading NANA !! and i love it tbh my favorite thing is the fashion i could feel myself getting more cultured while reading it i think

Currently watching:

There's nothing im really focused on atm but i have a list on my pinned. The big ones i would say are Adventure Time and MAR (for nostalgia purposes). I'm also watching the justice league cartoon but tbh I don't really enjoy it that much despite people saying it's great. It just doesn't hit the same heights as BTAS or have as enjoyable of a superhero team as LOSH 2006. To me. But idk maybe it gets better later

Currently drinking: waterrrrrr baby

Currently craving: school to end to end tbhhhh

[29daffodils]

When you get this you have to answer with 5 of your fav songs and then tag your mutuals to do the same :) (no pressure <3)

thanks for the tag @peachym00 🩷🌸 i would have done this under the reblog chain but just didn't feel like scrolling so much 1 in the morning I'm so sorry 🫣

so here's some all time favourites and current ones. might be a little more than 5 songs. but oh well. when have i followed rules 👀

in no particular order :

1. yellow by coldplay

this is the song that helps me not give up sometimes. in my incredibly lonely life, this gives me hope that even if no one else is by me to tell me they love me, maybe one day i will love myself.

2. make my sun shine by swim deep

this is the song i discovered through my favourite BL manhwa "the shape of your love" and never looked back. this was also the first time i ever saw music used in a manhwa, music that was readily available and of course i fell in love with the mc who was quite similar to myself. this song is peppy and sweet and just so fluffy it can rot your teeth.

3. the aspidistra flies by stars

i found this song through a sasunaru fic once upon a time when i still used ffn. the fic was great and so is this song. a perfect ode to love, if you ask me. i loved it so much that i actually wrote a fic to it for my favourite boys and I'm still not over it. it's been over a decade.

4. stranger by jeff satur

jeff has so many good songs and I'm fairly new to thai pop artists, but god damn, this man knows how to write love songs. this is my favourite from him simply because no one talks about it and the atmosphere it creates. I'm a sucker for rare things lol, be it a manhwa or this song. and maybe i have a thing for snow and cold and relationships falling apart and mending at the same time. i dunno. i love the melancholy in this song.

5. first love by BTS (min yoongi)

You say don't leave like this Don't worry even if I leave You'll do well on your own I remember when I first met you Before I knew it you grew up

min yoongi, the man that you are. i love pretty much everything by him. I'm also new to BTS's music but this guy is something else. i started with his solos and then listened to BTS. but goddamn, the moment i heard this one, i was done for. this could have been a tie with amygdala or snooze (both of those are my favourites), but the passion in this is unmatched to me and, well, this reminds me of the person i lost. somehow it feels nice to know someone else felt the way i felt back then. also it always makes me cry.

p.s. : i also discovered this song through an incredible taejin fic lmao so if you wanna read that, i'll drop a link.

some honourable mentions :

1. epiphany by BTS (kim seokjin)

this is the first bts song i ever listened to, back before i even cared about any kpop. let's just say, i hope i learn to love myself too.

2. paratiisi by ville valo & agents

this is a song i found after i lost my best friend to suicide. i was recced this by her cousin and i instantly fell in love with it. sometimes it reminds me of her, though V's taste was more sabotage by chisu 😂

3. moonchild by RM

this is the song that gives me hope these days. that's all i gotta say.

4. awake by BTS (kim seokjin)

this is the song that puts into words my current state of mind. i really am in a super shitty place at the moment and i dunno if i'll ever get out of here but i wanna hope.

5. diphylleia grayi by jonghyun

yeah okay this song just makes me howl cry alright. i love it very much even though i haven't dared look up the lyrics. i hold most of jonghyun's songs very close to my heart. so.

ahhhh i think this is it! tagging @boyslovecorner @ae-azile @lilitblaukatz @thisautistic @goodbyeapathy8 @justfionn and if anyone else wants to do it! feel free to ignore otherwise!

edit : tagging @skyfish7 in this because i've finally found her!!!!

[terrainofheartfelt]

Lit™ Opera Lit - Abridged

for @clarasamelia

Jo enabled me into doing this though I’ve been tempted to for a WHILE, so here, have an Opera Primer Playlist, by me. A few notes before we begin:

This says Abridged, because the original Lit™ Opera Lit on my spotify is….5 ½ hours long, and I didn’t want to throw ALL that at someone new to the genre. So. (It is public on my spotify if you wanna take a peek)

Also, this is not a music history survey, and is therefore very biased to my tastes as a lover of romantic opera and as a trained mezzo soprano. #lowvoicesupremacy

And there is sooooooooooooooooooo much more I want to share so if anyone has any questions or wants a rec of something else please feel free to ask and I would be happy to answer! 

Actually, new ask game time: send me a pop culture media thing and I can relate it back to opera in 6 degrees or less. 

*means I’ve sung it before!

Okay, onto the playlist

Overture – La forza del destino, Verdi

You gotta start off an opera with a good overture right???? And this one is a fave, BY a fave. Overtures are sort of a…musical trailer of everything you’re going to hear in the show before it starts. It’s a sneak peek, it’s the opening credits, it’s a goddamn shame we don’t do them anymore. For real I went to a concert earlier this fall and the orchestra played the overture to The Sound of Music and it was glorious and I remember thinking “they don’t make em like this anymore!” Anyways, idk much about Forza because there’s no mezzos, but it’s a gutwrenching tragedy with glorious music, and this overture FUCKS

“Gira la cote!”* — Turandot, Puccini

First things first, lemme just say this outright, yes, this opera is racist. All white European composers were perpetrators of Orientalism in their music, Puccini being one of the more notorious. As such, opera is a thing that you have to engage with critically, but I don’t want to make that sound like it’s “work,” because I don’ twant to prolong this thing that you have to perform some sort of intellectual labor before you can enjoy opera, but you have to give it the same grace and critical eye you give other media, fuck I run a gossip girl blog, it’s like that, you know? Okay, sermon out of the way, this opera is about a Chinese princess, who vows to never marry because, honestly men have given her very little reason to want to, so she poses this challenge: if a man wants to marry her, he must answer three riddles, and if he gets even one of them wrong, she takes his head. This chorus is the opening of the show, when her latest failed suitor is about to get his head chopped off, the chorus of her subjects love the free show, and are shouting “gira la cote! / sharpen the blade!” and, reader, it fucks. 

“Měsíčku na nebi hlubokém (Song to the Moon)” — Rusalka, Dvořák

It’s the little mermaid!!!!!!!!! No, seriously, it’s based on the same myth. From my sweet Czech prince, Tony, this masterpiece tells its own spin on a Slavic version of the fairytale. This is, effectively, the “part of your world” song, Rusalka begs the moon to pass on a message of love to her human prince. And it is…one of the most glorious arias ever, to the point that sometimes I’m like “ugh, overdone” but really, it’s gorgeous, and when sung right, transcendent. 

“Čury mury fuk” — Rusalka, Dvořák

Ježibaba, aka Baba Yaga, aka Ursula, sings about how she’s gonna poison the beautiful sprite Rusalka. Fun fact: the saying for mezzo roles is: witches, bitches, and britches, because the archetypes low-voiced women always sing in opera are always either witches, bitches, or pants roles (women playing a male character, usually a teenaged boy). I was more a Mistresses and Princesses mezzo meself, so really…just bitches….

“Amami, Alfredo” — La Traviata, Verdi

Verdi is my absolute favorite, my opera blorbo, I love him so very much. The way he writes emotion into his orchestra is just hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng. Anyways. Traviata is perhaps the most popular opera in the world (tied with Carmen). If you don’t think you know it, you do. It’s based off Dumas’ La Dame aux Camellias, and the direct inspiration for the film Moulin Rouge! (though not the musical, evidently, it’s fine I’ve ranted about that elsewhere). AND, it’s featured in the garden party scene in Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement! What you here Anne Hathaway listening to there is the grand ending to the famous aria “Sempre libera,” but to me, the most sublime moment in the opera is this one, in Act II, Violetta’s lover’s father comes to plead with her to leave his son, Alfredo, because Violetta is a courtesan and therefore a detriment to the noble family’s reputation…yeah. And Violetta agrees, not wanting to send Alfredo’s family into poverty or ruin the reputation of his little sister (that she’s never met btw, fuckin catholics), plus, it’s hinted that Violetta already knows that she is dying of tuberculosis (consumption), so she decides to leave and go back to her old life, and when Alfredo returns as she’s trying to write him a farewell letter, she has this outburst of emotion. It’s brief, but, jesus christ—

Amami, Alfredo, quant'io t'amo. Addio. / Love me, Alfredo, how I love you. Goodbye.

"Bevo al tuo fresco sorriso" — La Rondine, Puccini

Another opera based of the lady of the camellias! (She was indeed a real person, Marie Duplessis, I read a biography about her! It’s so fascinating!) This one has a bit of a different plot and play out, but the theme is the same. There’s actually some dispute about there being multiple endings to this opera (Turandot too I guess, but I digress) Magda, a glamorous courtesan of Paris, bored of her gilded cage, puts on a disguise and goes out for the night, and meets up again with the hot young poet who came to her house party earlier that night, they share a drink, meanwhile Magda’s maid has a drink in the same bar with her tenor lover, what results is this, what me and my friends call The Best Quartet Ever. it sounds exactly like falling in love in Paris. No offense, but tswift could never.

"È amabile invero cotal giovinotto” — Rigoletto, Verdi†

Hi, it’s me with my low voice supremacy agenda again. There’s a much more famous quartet, but. My house.  Based off of a play by Victor Hugo, Rigoletto is a jester who has enough of his boss’ bullshit. His boss being the Duke. What puts him over the edge? The scumbag of a Duke seduces Rig’s daughter, Gilda, and now Gilda thinks she’s in love, but Rig has worked for the Duke long enough to know that, best case, she’ll have her heartbroken.  But that is all just BACKGROUND for this scene. Rigoletto hires an assassin-slash-bartender to take care of the Duke for him, so this guy, Sparafucile, gets the Duke drunk, but now, unfortunately, the assasin’s sister, Maddalena, has a crush on the fuck. She demands that her brother spare the duke’s life, but Sparafucile promised Rigoletto a body. So while a storm hits, Spara tells his sister “fine, the next person that knocks on the door, i’ll kill instead.” Gilda, of course, overhears all of this, and decides that what she has to do his take the place of the man she loves, and knocks on the door (babygirl, it’s NOT WORTH IT) †I’ve never done one of these roles, but I have been in the opera!

“Pourquoi me réveiller” — Werther, Massenet

An underrated, imho, French tragedy. Is it because the heroine is a mezzo? Who’s to say.  Based off Goethe’s Die Leiden des jungen Werther, it follows the tragic star-crossed love of Werther, the poet, and Charlotte, the woman who loves him, but for ehr family’s financial security and stature marries another man she doesn’t love. This moment in the opera comes after Charlotte’s two barn-burner arias, when she looks over her letters from Werther and realizes the depth of her feelings, Werther comes to see her in this moment of vulnerability, and recites this piece of poetry. It’s sexy and angsty and the build-up to the explosion of emotion that’s about to take place.  And because I’m me, I’ll just say: it’s dair-coded.

“Pietà! perdon!...O don fatale” — Don Carlos, Verdi†

Verdi wrote this opera for the bisexuals!!!! So, there’s a big ol’ convoluted love pentagon going on in the court of Phillip II of Spain, but what you need to know in this scene is: Eboli, a courtier and friend of the queen Elisabeth de Valois (daughter of Catherine de Medici, fun fact), frames Elisabeth for cheating on her husband with her stepson (complicated, I know). And Eboli is acting out of homoerotic jealousy because she wanted Carlo (the stepson) herself, and what is a rival if not a crush you’re mad about having? After her subterfuge blows up in her face, Eboli throws herself at Elisabeth’s feet begging for mercy (“pietà”), and confesses to setting Elisabeth up, and even, sleeping with the king. Elisabeth is heartbroken and furious at the betrayal, and banishes Eboli to a convent. Once alone, Eboli curses the beauty she was born with that brought her here, and laments that she’ll never see Elisabeth again (GAY). And then, she realizes there’s still a chance to save Carlo, who’s been jailed for treason.  This opera is in my top 5 favorites, and this excerpt has one of my top 5 favorite musical moments, the low strings after Eboli confesses, the pain and betrayal you can FEEL in the strings and it’s so !!!!! I am not capable of being normal about it. I’m listening while writing this and CHILLS (Also, I saw this live very recently and it was extraordinary! And they did something interesting with the supertitles and the acting that implied that – rather than a presumed consensual encounter – Phillip assaulted Eboli, which paints her aria cursing her looks in an entirely new light!!!!!) †I’ve not done this publicly, but it was in my repertoire

“E qual via scegliete?” — Tosca, Puccini†

I tried to keep this brief and not put on too many things, but I can’t not put Tosca on here! This is my second favorite part of the opera (my first favorite is the finale, but that’s like, only 30 seconds, so), and it fucks. Floria Tosca, a famous singer in Rome, is put in an impossible position by absolute dirtbag Scarpia, who takes her lover Mario Cavaradossi political prisoner. Cavaradossi, a republican and therefore enemy of the Italian state, is sentenced to death, but Scarpia promises he’ll set C free if Tosca spends a night with him. She’s heartbroken by this choice, but she agrees. She insists that Scarpia sign the paperwork granting the both of them safe passage out of Rome, and he also promises that the firing squad will fake C’s death to give them a cover to escape. The tension in this scene is delicious, and it builds and builds, and the STRINGS. While Scarpia is writing, Tosca takes a knife from his dinner table. When it’s done and her and her lover’s escape is promised (Scarpia will actually betray her one more time, but she doesn’t know that yet), Scarpia moves to put his arms around her (gross, I know), and says “Tosca, finalmente e mio! / Tosca is finally mine!” and she STABS him. Rather than being raped by this absolute toilet plunger of a man, she KILLS him. She stabs him, and he cries out and goes down, and she taunts him, telling him to “feel the kiss of Tosca” and she stands over him saying “Muori, muori,” in this raw, low voice like die, bitch! It is sooooo thrilling to watch. This is a scene I will never get tired of. In a genre where women characters are too frequently brutalized for nothing, seeing a woman kill her would-be rapist is just — so satisfying.  †I’ve only been in the chorus of this opera

“Ohimè!... morir mi sento!”(Scena del giudizio) — Aida, Verdi

Regrettably, my favorite mezzo recording of this (Dolora Zajick) involves both James Levine and Placido Domingo, both of whom are pieces of shit! I’ve selected Cossotto’s instead, but if you come away from this playlist knowing one thing, it’s that James Levine and Placido Domingo are pieces of shit whose supposed skill is not worth all the pain and misery they caused. And now back to the music! Also, this opera has a racist history that companies are still working to move away from. They could work a little bit faster, tbh. A favorite opera and a dream role for me, tbh. Amneris, daughter of the king, gets carried away with jealousy when she discovers the man of her affection, Radames, is in love with her servant Aida, a prisoner of war who turns out to be a princess of an enemy nation. Amneris’ fury gets Radames and Aida caught. Taken by regret and pain and, let’s face it, more homoerotic angst, Amneris eavesdrops on Radames’ trial before the elders, and her dread builds as Radames refuses to speak in his defense. He’s sentenced to death—buried alive—and Amneris and the orchestra react viscerally to the sentence. Like her pleas for mercy when the scene hits its climax, those pietas…

“O furibonda iena…Quest’ultimo bacio”* — La Gioconda, Ponchielli

UNDERRATED OPERA OF ALL TIME. No but really. This is just…everything. This is a grand opera masterwork by this guy, Amilcare, who was Puccini’s teacher, and so few people know about it which is a SHAME. But, understandable, it’s notoriously hard to produce, and expensive, since the finale of Act II involves sinking a pirate ship…but the MUSIC.  It’s another convoluted and vaguely homoerotic love triangle. Laura and Enzo were in love, then pulled apart. Enzo sought comfort in a singer, known only as La Gioconda, and she is madly in love with him, but when Laura comes back into his life, that’s it for him. There’s ship burnings and evil husbands and a ballet (which you may know as the K-9 Advantix commercial song), but it all comes to this finale. Though she vowed Laura was her rival, Gioconda learns that Laura saved her mother once, and was under her mother’s blessing, noted by the rosary Gioconda’s mother gave her, that Laura always carries with her. So, bound by honor to her mother and desire to see her ex Enzo happy, Gioconda schemes to help Laura fake her death to escape her abusive husband, and gets Enzo to come to them just as Laura’s waking up from her sleeping draught (think R&J, but happier ending).  Enzo comes in spitting mad, thinking Gioconda is responsible for his Laura’s death, and Gio—who’s going through some shit of her own—is ready to let him kill her, and then Laura wakes, and calls Enzo’s name, and the relief in the orchestra is PALPABLE, while Gioconda sings quietly to herself “oh darkness, hide me.” After they’ve reunited, Gioconda tells them the rest of her plan, she’s got a boat to get them out of the city, and from there they can start a new life. Through her own pain and grief, in an act of unbridled selflessness and compassion, she tells them: “Amatevi. Siate felici. / Love each other. Be happy.” and they thank her and promise to remember her. And, I mean, how often does the mezzo get to win like that?

LITTLE WOMEN* (2005) MY BELOVED. It’s not on spotify, but I couldn’t not put this opera on this playlist for you, Jo <333 so, please see below for youtube links. the story is already important to me, and being in the opera when I was in college only made it even more so, and it’s a forever favorite and forever special in my heart. This is the only contemporary opera on this list, and it’s a wide and varied field, but in many ways, it’s a host unto itself (but if anyone wants to hear more contemporary stuff, I’d be happy to share!) Now, LW has a mixed reputation amongst operaphiles, who’s to say why? Misogyny, misogyny is why. But more than that, LW is such a domestic drama in a way that is not really conventional in opera, with its fantasy plots and royal characters and otherworldliness about it, but LW has always been about the small intricacies of family, which is why when Greta Gerwig put in that line about domestic struggles and joys in her film I felt so fucking SEEN. It is a technically challenging work, rife with lots of 21st century music toughness that makes the music hard to learn, but it’s absolutely not inaccessible to listen to. But, you know, call a spade what it is, a goddamn shovel, and LW is an opera with a majority women cast. You can count the men in the show on one hand, and that combined with its lack of a typical “operatic” story, and it’s challenging 21st century sound, makes lots of people keen to dismiss it. But those people, are WRONG. It’s a beautiful opera, meaningful and powerful and it sounds pretty, and I will die on that hill. 

“Perfect as we are” — Little Women, Adamo

Jo has a total of…three? arias in the show, and this is the second. After a meeting of the pickwick club and a chat with Laurie, Jo is in her attic trying to write her next “potboiler,” but keeps getting distracted by what she and Laurie were talking about, mainly, the possibility of Meg being in love with Laurie’s tutor, Brooke. It’s another hint at the main conflict of the opera (which is plainly stated in the next selection). Jo is happy with her family and her best friend, and she doesn’t see why any of it has to change. But it won’t be up to her. I love this one because it goes back and forth between Jo trying to write and find the right words for her story, and monologuing at an invisible Laurie, and her monologue helps her find that word and then she’s back in it. It’s so whimsical and just very her. I love it so much. Low voice supremacy

“Things change, Jo”

THIS ARIA!!!!!! Jo is so upset when Meg decides to marry John Brooke, and she plaintively sings “Why don’t you love me anymore?” and her big sister says, “Of course I love you!....but once I saw him, once he looked at me….I can’t explain it, Jo. I love you. Things end – no,” and that’s the lead in to the aria. She’s trying to explain her heart to her sister, and the poetry of it is glorious and the MUSIC. It’s a plea, really, a begging for Jo to understand her side: childhood was always going to end, and what a happy ending. The “Things change, Jo,” leitmotif is repeated over and over again. It’s the central conflict: Jo versus Change. Laurie repeats the motif when he proposes to Jo, Beth repeats it as she’s dying (her death aria is EXQUISITE I just can’t include it here because it makes me too emotional), and interestingly, when Laurie and Amy are abroad together, he sings the dissonant three-note motif, and then Amy resolves it. “Things change, Amy.” / “And a good thing too.” GENIUS. Adamo is a genius. 

My best friend from college sings this aria and also preaches the gospel of Adamo’s LW to me, and she texted me out of the blue the other day: If someone doesn’t like Things Change Jo…they’re misogynist. I don’t make the rules. And she’s right. It may sound like I’m coming down hard but I have heard so many people (mostly cismen) talk down at this opera and at people for liking it, and I’m over it. It’s good!!!!!! This isn’t me trying to say “you better like this or ELSE” but “I have so much love for this and it means so much to me personally and so I dearly hope you’ll give yourself a chance to like it too.”

“Let me look at you”* (Quartet)

THEE finale! Jo is alone in her attic again, and she finally surrenders, to her grief, to the current of change running through her life. Surrounded by the ghosts of her sisters, she makes peace with each of them, and they sing about how life has pulled them to separate goals, but they will always still have the love between them. I want to cry even as I’m writing this, it’s so beautiful and so meaningful. Jo ends the quartet with the exact same line as the end of her aria above “how grateful I am,” but it means something different now!!!! And she echoes the melody of “perfect as we are” a minute later, when Bhaer knocks on the door and asks if now is a good time, she sings “Now is all there is.” best finale ever. Except tosca, maybe.

I sang the role of Marmee when I was in the opera, but on my senior recital, this was my closer, and I sang it with 3 of my closest friends who were also graduating that year. Our groupchat is still called the March Sisters. And. AND. my friend who sang Meg is getting married next summer, and we are all bridesmaids. She really did find her knight 😭😭😭😭😭

[jeanmoreaux]

Hi, I just wanted to stop by and thank you because some of your posts made me listen to hozier and now I am in love. So thank you very much<3 (this is slightly random but have you ever read something that gave you ~hozier vibes~ I feel like a (poetry) book from him would solve all my problems, but alas I have to chase books by others that might have a similar vibe) ((also: I might go see him on his european tour with the girl I have a crush on!))

you have no idea how happy this ask made me. i am so so happy i had a hand in you discovering one of my personal favourite artists. if i accomplish nothing else in life, at least i did introduce you to hozier! i’ll attend one of his european shows too and i am beyond excited (not with a date tho 😭)!!! so happy you might go to one of his shows with your crush!! i’m SO JEALOUS like that’s the ideal date night idea!!!! did you get tickets yet?

you’re definitely not the only one desperate for a book/poetry collection by him, jo and i have been unsuccessfully manifesting it for AGES. as for book/poetry recs…. it’s quite hard tbh. i don’t think i have read anything that captures the exact same vibe. mary oliver does have poetry that really plays into the nature symbolism and a lot of anne carson’s stuff does have that desperate/consuming/toxic love element (e.g. her verse novel autobiography of red). i also think ocean vuong’s poetry is bursting with emotions, and his novel on earth we’re briefly gorgeous is a lyrical masterpiece (it deals more with the immigrant experience in america and family dynamics though). deathless by catherynne m. valente is beautifully written and does echo some darker notions of love in its story (it’s very much about the vibes). this is how you lose the time war is also very lyrical with a touching love story that reaches through space and time. i just reread it and it was even better on a reread. ((if you’re into (mature) YA with whimsical writing/nature theme/magical elements/people obsessing over each other i can recommend you maggie stiefvater’s the raven cycle series. it lives in my head rent-free.)) but yeah all these are just approximations of some aspects of hozier’s music/songwriting….

that’s everything i could think of just now, but if anyone has other recs or associations to add pls be my guest!!!