#also i love how pikmin enemies are scientifically named

[pikpiksoup]

Piktober Day 2: Life Form

I couldn't choose just one life form

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Empress Bulblax

Debut: Pikmin 2

Where’s all the love for the plump queens out there? In online circles, you often hear the word “thick” thrown around, but do you see anyone celebrating bodies like these? For shame! Empress Bulblax lovers, make some noise!

Er.... it’s Funky Friday again! I feel the need to point that out so new readers don’t get confused. Hesitant as I was to do another Pikmin enemy, I mean, look at this! Bulborbs on their own are already pretty splendid, but to give them a comically large thorax... I’m unconvinced there could be a design more perfect!

Picture yourself delving deep into the Hole of Beasts, the game’s first proper dungeon! Well, the Emergence Cave was more of a tutorial, anyway. And what awaits you at the end but this hot mama! Rolling around, slamming into walls... I mean, a refined lady if I’ve ever seen one!

And so you take her down, and she compresses into this. Like an accordion, I suppose! Is this the last we see from this massive mistress?

No sir! A few dungeons later, she’s back, she’s stronger than ever, and she’s using the most dastardly trick up her sleeve: giving birth! En masse! She’s got an army of freshly squeezed larvae and she isn’t afraid to use them!

Larvae! You heard me right! Bulborb Larvae! As if this game wasn't content with giving us one perfect being, it bestowed yet another! Quite frankly, they are yellow lumps with eyestalks, and they make me happier than anything else.

I keep this image in a locket, which I open up whenever I feel crushed by the weight of the world. You can judge me, but you'll never have what I have. 

Despite being fresh out the womb(?), they're surprisingly capable hunters! Sadly, many of them will inevitably get crushed by the Empress herself, before they have time to mature... Nature! It’s cruel, yet beautiful. 

Speaking of, if you’re somehow interested in the made-up taxonomy of Pikmin (which I am!), I have some good news and bad news- the bad news is that Bulborb Larvae have a different scientific name from both Bulborbs and Empress Bulblax, which isn’t how taxonomy works at all! The good news is that their scientific name is Oculus bambinii, from the Italian ‘bambino’, which I find endlessly amusing. These are Italian Bulborbs! 

But wait! This post is about Empress Bulblax! We need to get into some fictional biology, because Bulborbs are in fact, eusocial! In other words, they’ve got a bee-like social structure, or the ones underground do, anyway- the game isn’t very clear about that part. And our Empress’s enormous bod has a real-world counterpart, too!

Meet her Royal Lumpiness herself, the termite queen! With a torso chock full of eggs, it’s not tough to see where the Bulborbs took their inspiration. Though Bulborbs never seemed very insect-like to me, eusociality also exists in mammals like the mole-rats! Isn’t our world just wonderful? 

What’s that? More Bulborb facts? Well, why not- as it turns out, when living in packs, nearly all male Bulborbs not involved in reproduction undergo a sex change, which means I can legally make the following image:

Needless to say, Empress Bulblax’s impact on the gaming industry didn’t end here. Besides both a Spirit and a Trophy in Smash Bros., and a potential chance for DLC (I believe it), she has a role in a little series you may know as... Warioware!

Yes, Nintendo finally answered the prayers from all their fans: they made Empress Bulblax playable! A starring role in a microgame, all about her! With the innovative technology of the Wii Remote, you can feel like you really ARE Empress Bulblax, rolling around and crushing those Pikmin!

It was such a success, they did it twice! Enjoy this seemingly brand new model of Empress Bulblax for the 3DS, from Warioware Gold! You know, based on our very broad definition of what constitutes a Mario game, we can technically say Empress Bulblax is a playable Mario character! Maybe? No?

And so concludes our post! It was very long, much like Bulblax herself, but I think it’s fair to say such a gaming icon deserves all the length she gets! And really, she’s so photogenic I couldn’t help but share every image I had. Wouldn’t you do the same?

See you next time folks, and keep on squirming!

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Breadbug

Debut: Pikmin

Hello my dearest enemy enthusiasts! Welcome back to Funky Friday, where we post about things that aren’t from Mario, twice a month! And let me raise you a question: Mario, Zelda, Pico Pets.... What do these all have in common? Why, they were all born from the brilliant mind of Mr. Shigeru Miyamoto, give or take one! So it’s only fair we shine the spotlight on another of his brainchildren... Pikmin!

And Pikmin has a LOT of funny enemies. Silly creatures in all shapes and sizes! I could hardly pick one... but I picked the Breadbug, because it’s so funny to look at. If you haven’t looked at it yet, take a moment to scroll up and do so!

There we go. Wasn’t that funny? It is absolutely worth a chortle. Hoo hoo!

The Breadbug is a sneaky little fellow- they like to take things, and drag them back into their den! Treasures, pellets, corpses... as long as they can carry it! As the player, it is also your objective to take things, and this obviously poses an inconvenience to you, so what will you do? You gotta wrestle for it!

Or rather, your Pikmin have to wrestle for it. It’s a dangerous game of tug of war! Should your Pikmin get dragged into the Breadbug’s den, they’ll die instantly! But with enough troops, you can overpower this wheaty fiend and drag it to your Onion instead... When that happens, the Onion will try to suck it up, and the poor Breadbug will smack its head against the top. Well, serves it right!

In fact, that’s probably the most effective method of dealing with them, since the Breadbug’s thick hide protects it from most attacks... and makes them look like a bread roll! Have I mentioned that? It is just so silly. Pikmin really knows how to strike a balance between realistic and whimsical, and I love it so!

This image is labelled Adorable_Breadbug.png on Pikipedia, and I appreciate it very much. 

Why, the Breadbug is so silly, you could easily forget they’re the namesake of a family of enemies, the breadbug family! Yup, Pikmin has an entire fictional taxonomy, and yes it’s an absolute delight. For example, the common Breadbug’s scientific name is Pansarus gluttonae!

But strangely, most members of the breadbug family are in fact... Bulborbs! Specifically Dwarf Bulborbs. You know Bulborbs, the common (and adorable) enemies with similarly stumpy legs? Turns out Dwarf Bulborbs aren’t at all related to the large Spotted Bulborbs from the grub-dog family! They just happen to be Breadbug-like creatures who evolved exactly like them. It’s absurd! I love it!

Fret not! If bread is what you seek, take a gander at the Giant Breadbug! This image is a lot smaller, so you’ll just have to trust me on the fact they’re giant. But this time, they look not like a roll, but a whole loaf of bread! And I’ve got to say, that’s some nice looking bread. I... want to eat it. A little bit. Is that strange? Either way, Giant Breadbugs are technically considered bosses, but they really just act like regular Breadbugs... they don’t even get a boss theme! They're called Pansarus gigantus, by the way.

Last but definitely not least, Hey! Pikmin introduces the Crumbug, which I believe is just the best name anything has ever had. I hope the localization team was real proud of that one! And also...it’s adorable! So tiny and bite-sized, and so tempting to pop a few of these into my mouth. You wouldn’t judge me, right?

The Crumbug doesn’t really act like a Breadbug, but more like a typical first platformer enemy, an easy foe with a simple pattern. Why they didn’t use Dwarf Bulborbs for this role is beyond me, but do you think I’ll complain?

This post has reached its end, and I genuinely am a little hungry for bread. Louie’s culinary Piklopedia entry describes the Breadbug as “bland and unimaginative”, and the Giant Breadbug as “flavorless”, but I am willing to believe he is just a bread hater! I won't let him crush my dreams of eating a Breadbug, no matter how long I need to wait for the post-apocalypse!

...I need to calm down. Weird enemies are my friends, not food! What’s come over me? I’ll see you all in the next post, which will hopefully be a non-edible Mario enemy! Ta-ta!