#also i love being a pillar of support to my entire family but even i don't know what to say about this....

[madmadmilk]

lol why else do i log into this account besides to complain? (idk if that sentence even makes sense lol)

but wedding planning rant below >>>>> ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

basic facts about us/the wedding: my bf and i have been together for 10 years, ya we've been talking about weddings but can't justify the $$$. then in feb we said fuck it, we'll never be able to afford a house lets just get married. sooo we've been cram planning through the year while doing comic/anime onventions for our wedding in august this year, yipppeee!!! we both have huge families, and tbh we don't have much drama between us but (of course) there's a lot of tension between family members everywhere. but main consensus is that we're both well liked and loved, so everyone is happy. (yay!) wedding planning has been stressful and fun, but also kind of made me conscious of things i literally don't care about.

the problem:

soooooooooo i don't want a big wedding party (but my mom wants me to give every single family member a role in the wedding -- no.). so i have a party of my sister, two close cousins, and a very good friend. yay? right!! should be, YAY, right???????

hm, so last week, i noticed that one of my cousins, we'll call her cousin A, hasn't really been replying or seen in a month? so that was like weird, and i've noticed some weird stuff but like... idk the world doesn't revolve around me (or my wedding) so I just assumed that life was being life, and gave space.

well.

suddenly cousin A's mom blocks and unfriends most of my family across social media. (cousin A's dad is my mom's sister etc they have a lot of sisters) then everyone goes ???

even i'm like ??? cos i'm still on their friend list.

THEN, cousin A tells me she has to tell me something...

she says that her parents are struggling, and that she hasn't spoken to her dad in a month (my maternal uncle? idk if i phrased that right). and of course, life is life-- i have no judgment, only sympathy for everyone. BUT that means that she and her mom cut off everyone in my family..... because they don't want her dad to spread rumors etc, and don't know who has been told what...

cousin A and her mom wish to disappear from our lives.

???????????

like i said before, life is life, i can't understand their situation-- i dont' know all the sides, but i have immense sympathy for the situation. obviously i dont' want people to fight, i want people to be happy and able to live their lives to the fullest.

so---- though this is not the most important part>> she says that she and her mom and family will not attend my wedding. she's unsure of being there because she doesn't want to face questions and scrunity.

i understand.

i'm just horribly sad over it.

of course i didn't write all the details, but i'm just so sad over this. cousin a is like a sister to me, and i have a horribly hard time getting close to people. i'm so introverted and terrible at keeping up, and i haven't always been the most present for her but.. it just makes me really sad to watch her pull away.

a selfish part of me wishes she could just be there for me, but i understand she needs to go her own way and figure things out at her own pace.

just makes me sad.

and worse, i can't tell anyone about this because no one (on my side of the family) know why they've been distant. no one knows that she's said some bad things about them. no one knows the vague-posting they've been doing freakin facebook. it feels pretty irreparable to me, but no one has seen it all yet. then-- cousin A's family is going on a big trip together, just her, her parents , and her BF and she said who knows maybe they'll make up. maybe things will return.

i don't know what to say to that.

i'm grateful that she called me to give me an explanation instead of leaving me hanging, but it hurt my feelings to be told matter-of-factly. of course, this is something that her family has to work out but yeah.

i probably sound so selfish, but i can't even talk to my mom about this. there's too much of this that is not my story to tell or talk about. too many unkind words said, over something that might... return to "normal." kind of just feel miserable about it.

i wish there was an easy solution, i wish there was a way for ME to just.. be understanding and chill out but it's just sad. i'm not good at keeping secrets, or sitting still. but i'm trying to just focus on myself.

we'll see what happens.

people are going to ask me questions soon, idk what to tell them.

if things turn out to be "okay," then "great." i'll just have some lingering bitterness.

yippee!

TL;DR: one of my bridal party (a cousin), is in the middle of excommunicating my family (over internal family matters)-- thus dropping out. of course it is sad and distressing, i'm trying to be understanding. i'm sad i'm losing a sister, and that she isn't choosing me.

^lol that makes me sound terrible tbh haha. like i said, lots of stuff can't be said but yeah... just sad. i'm literally not going to fill her spot, because doing so would make me feel worse. i'm too sentimental.

[ghostlyferrettarot]

✨️Pick a Picture: ✨️💙Who were you in your past life?💙✨️

•Pile 1 •Pile 2 •Pile 3

❗️This is a collective reading, take what resonates and leave the rest❗️

✨️Paid Services ✨️ (Natal charts and tarot readings) Open!

✨️If you like my work you can support me through Ko-fi. Thank you!✨️

💙Masterlist💙

🧡Pile 1:

You were a kind and empathetic person. From a young age, you always showed a genuine interest in others, which made you a great friend and confidant. You had an infectious laugh that brightened up any environment and an innate ability to listen. People often felt comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns with you.

Despite your optimistic nature, you also had your reflective side. You often took time to think about your experiences and emotions, which helped you grow and learn from each situation. At times, you could be a little self-critical, but you used that introspection to improve and move forward.

You were loyal and committed to your friends and family, and always willing to offer your support. You believed strongly in the importance of building meaningful relationships and being a pillar in the lives of those around you. You had a quiet and happy life, maybe in some ways you felt it was a great life but you weren't entirely satisfied; For this reason, perhaps you seek a little more time, to take more risks.

🧡Significant things: Color orange and blue, royal vibe, long blond hair, polar bears, spring season, letters, delicate handwritting, flowers, pearls.

💙Pile 2:

You lived in an environment marked by uncertainty. You grew up in a neighborhood where it was though to evolve, and the lack of opportunities seemed overwhelming. Despite this i see that you always showed curiosity about the world around you, seeking refuge in your hobbies, I think many of them had to do with writing and books.

Despite your strength, sadness always accompanied you, I feel that others did not quite undestood you. In the end, although you achieved some significant achievements, such as finishing your education and finding a job that you really liked, I feel that you were a born educator.

Life taught you hard lessons about resilience and loss, but it also led you to discover a deep empathy towards others. There's a lot of things to learn about this, start to listen to your inner voice and don't let others dictate your path.

💙Significant things: Books, Writers, 1950's-1960's, Jazz music, Owls, Brown and Green colors, curly long hair, piano, birds.

🩷Pile 3:

You felt a deep connection to the world around you. You grew up in a small town where nature played an important role in your life. As the years passed, you began to explore your spirituality. You were drawn to the teachings of different cultures and traditions, and often spent your evenings reading about philosophy and meditation.

You learned to listen to your inner voice, feeling a connection beyond the tangible. However, life also presented you with challenges. The loss of a loved one hit you deeply, leading you to question your faith and your purpose. In the midst of grief, you realized that suffering could be a path to transformation. As your life progressed, you felt more aligned with your purpose. In your later years, you found deep gratitude for each day lived.

Life had taught you that spirituality was not only a path to personal understanding, but also a way to connect with others and the universe. You felt at peace, knowing that your journey, with all its lights and shadows, had been a priceless gift. You need to start valuing your spiritual gift, maybe you accept them for granted sometimes, but they can give you the warmth you need.

🩷Significant things: Runes and Stones, violet and red color, dark hair and clear eyes, Charisma and cleverness, owls and cats, winter season, jewerly, round face, youthful look.

✨️Thank you for reading and tell me if it resonated✨️

[lonniemachin]

Omar reached out to me to help spread his fundraiser. He is a Palestinian in Rafah urgently trying to raise money for necessities of survival and to evacuate his 9-person family. He has only raised €4,893 out of his €50,000 goal so far! Please share and donate, and if you can't donate, please still share!

From Omar's GFM:

Hello, I am Mohammed, a Palestinian student in Germany, I am trying to forward the message of a good friend in Gaza, please support him !!!

Hello to everyone with humanity in this world. I'm speaking to you from Gaza, and I don't know if we will survive in the coming days from this death that draws nearer with each passing day. God spared me from the previous four wars on Gaza, but this war is entirely different. Perhaps in the coming days, I won't be among you anymore. Maybe death will take me as it took my friends and relatives from me.

I am Omar Hamad from Gaza Strip, Beit Hanoun city. I graduated from the College of Pharmacy in 2019. I worked hard in pharmacies and pharmaceutical companies to save up enough money to open my own pharmacy. Because I am very interested in the field of cosmetics and skincare, I didn't open a pharmacy. Instead, I opened my own skincare and hair care store, "Cosmatics," and it cost me around $45,000.

In the last few months before the war, I prepared my apartment and, literally, "poured my heart's blood" into furnishing it. It cost me a hefty amount, around $20,000, and I was ready to get married. But the war did not allow that. It did not grant us even a simple life, which is the right of every human in this world. This world has become desolate, where we see death every day and it cannot even save our children.

I belong to a beautiful, loving, and kind family. My father, mother, brothers Ahmed, Abdullah, Sameh, and Mohamed, and my sisters Faten, Ward, and Reem. My elder brother Ahmed is deaf and mute, suffering in the war from the intensity of the bombing and the concussion in his ear, where he never sleeps at night. My sisters Faten and Ward are also deaf and mute, and their suffering is more difficult because they are females and their physical structure is weaker, as those vibrations and concussions in their ears reverberate heavily. Meanwhile, my sister Reem's fiancé was killed in the war. She couldn't look at life with a hopeful gaze. Our sorrows could fill the whole world and overwhelm it. Oh God, why does all of this happen!

My mother also lost her three brothers, her mother, her brother's wife, and her brother's daughter during the war, all brutally killed. Despite all the sorrow that fills our hearts, we still have a positive outlook towards the future.

After being forced to evacuate from the northern Gaza Strip to its south, we went to the Palestinian Red Crescent in Khan Yunis. The bombing and scenes of killing and destruction were numerous. One day, while my friends and I were eating in our tent, the house next to us was bombed, and shrapnel fell into our food, miraculously sparing us. On another day, a group of people in the street next to us was bombed, and I saw before me 17 bodies, all torn apart, scattered flesh. I couldn't stand from the horror of the scene.

Then we moved to Rafah, on a barren sandy land, if found, on an area of 8 square meters. Twenty meters of expensive nylon and some ropes, that's how a scar is made on the ground bearing the name "tent," assigned to shelter an entire family that meets all its needs within its walls. Living inside it without a bathroom, without a kitchen, without flooring, without pillars, without covers, without warmth, without anything except a heavy heart, a wandering mind, an empty stomach, dense fog, and a very long night, accompanied by sadness, loss of loved ones, wind, rain, and bone-chilling cold. And thus, we await death.

We all need at least medical and psychological care to alleviate some of this pain, also due to the prevalence of diseases and the lack of clean drinking water and the scarcity of food.

We deserve a dignified life like any human in this world. We don't want to live just to survive; we don't want to live like animals only thinking about drinking and eating. We want to live with dignity, with freedom. I am full of hope and optimism that you will support us and help us. If you find that we deserve a better life, please help us in this campaign, which is $50,000.

• The permits and fees necessary to leave the Gaza Strip through the Egyptian Rafah are $5,000 per person (9 people, which is $45,000), in addition to $5,000 to secure the lives of 9 people for rent, buying clean clothes, and securing food and drink at least in the first few days.

Thank you very much for being interested in reading and hearing my story. You are not obliged to help, but we all hope that you will help us and that we will live a dignified life free from bombing, death, blood, and destruction, and also free from continuous hunger and thirst, a life full of cleanliness and hope.

Omar.

[on-leatheredwings]

to be fair dick was my favorite for a while! maybe that's just due to nostalgia but i definitely had a dick grayson era. I think my favorite (yandere wise) would be tim? I like the way you put it; he’s charming but still more approachable than dick. I think part of that is that, to a lot of people, dick never seems to get angry. tim feels a lot more human because he’s not this constant pillar of support for everyone, he gets tired and it’s pretty obvious. yandere or not all of the bats are putting up a facade most of the time. maybe their guards aren’t up 24/7 but batman definitely trained them to . dick feels distant and dissociative in a way because only a few people have seen him really ticked off. tim’s also younger, and probably knows how he’s expected to act around others or socialize with his peers. he jokes around a lot i think but part of his charm is also just his. awkwardness? i think dick’s more charismatic than charming, anyway. (not that tim is more friendly than dick, he’s just more normal. his normality is part of his charm!! he’s not perfect and it’s realistic. i think dick has more charisma because in a way, everyone’s accepted that he’s just this perfect, universal constant. he’s well rounded: he’s friendly and you can bring him home to meet your mother but at the same time, he’s intimidating and his presence demands attention. i like to think that it’s stage presence, and that he got it from his (short) time with the flying graysons.) this is very much another tangent sorry! i have a lot of thoughts on them.

I !!!! AGREE!!! ENTIRELY!!!

TIM IS ACTUALLY THE MOST 'NORMAL' OF THEM by regular person standards...

meanwhile dick is like. the Perfect Guy .

I think if his darling ever saw him truly ticked off they'd get scared, even though the anger isn't being directed at them. his family grew up seeing cracks in the surface of his facade, also saw him fighting as robin/nightwing, so it's not shocking to them, but to you... dick's only ever been smiley and teasing and kind. he's never said anything terribly negative about anybody. so seeing him punch a guy out or coldly put someone in a headlock feels obscenely wrong...

and no don't apologize i love thoughts

[noraiir-arts]

Does anyone else have very complicated ways of shipping?? like when i say "i ship them" i don't mean "oh they love each other so much they kiss each other and will be together forever" i ship characters but in a way that's unique to only them and/or only in certain scenarios

Like, for example Zelink- I think pre-calam zelink was one sided, i dislike post-calam zelink, but i sort of like totk zelink (yes i know they are the same two people) but only certain dynamics??? but i also think that its the type of love that goes unsaid, they just look out for and support each other, maybe its not entirely romantic but they are closer than friends. It's the type of closeness you can only get by knowing that no matter what lifetime you are in the other will always be there. I don't think its necessarily the type where they hide behind pillars to make out, or try to stay in a committed relationship, but more of a tired love, one that has been renewed throughout hundreds of lives, each time being something different.

But take skyward sword, i believe that it's easier to see romantic zelink here

or Miphlink - I don't really ship this, but it's a tragic one-sided love story that Mipha knew was doomed from the beginning. The other woman. Was never given enough time to tell Link how she felt, yet even if she had time he might not have returned her feelings. Now he barely remembers her. Maybe 100 years later she's a little embarrassed of herself, of what she wrote in her diary. Maybe it was a simple crush, mistaken for undying love and has dwindled over the past century. But now it's a sad love, the type where she grieves for what used to be, and what never will. But after being saved from Ruta she switches her sights towards the domain. She can see how much her brother has grown and is so proud of him. She knows Link will never remember her fully, but maybe it's for the best. No matter what, she will always be there to heal his wounds.

Tbh i was dragged into Revalink kicking and screaming, but now it's one of my favorites. - Their dynamics work so well, but oh no it's so sad. Started from a one-sided "rivalry" to some sort of friendship. Link never hated Revali, he didn't even dislike him. And Revali just wanted Link to be impressed, to understand why he was chosen for his role as pilot, and he wanted Link to prove himself to Revali (honestly i can go on a on about why revali was harsh to link in botw if anyone wants me to) But over time they both start to realize that they are more similar to each other than any of the other champions. They weren't born into noble families or blessed with magic. Revali learns about the vigorous training Link underwent after pulling the sword, and Link learns that Revali isn't the son of the elder or was an important figure in his village before becoming a champion, but a simple warrior just like Link. Their friendship grows and they become a great team, surprising mostly everyone. Maybe it grows into something more. Maybe neither of them know it. Maybe they just never admit it. Revali knows Link doesn't remember him. He doesn't want him to. He tells Link not to go asking about him to the princess. It's for the best, he will still be there to help Link after all. Maybe it's cruel to keep him from knowing. Well, Revali will be gone soon anyway. Maybe he hopes that Link will at least remember good things about him.

Honestly I love revalink aus, they are my fav!!

I think of Zelimpa (aoc) like a mix of how i described miphlink and revalink but im too tired to explain it rnnnnn

oh also urbosa/zelda's mom but i think that goes unsaid

but anyway these are just a few. Most of the time i can't use words to exactly explain something pictured in my head, (synesthesia is so silly) but i tried my best

[traumacatholic]

I recently got engaged to the love of my life. We are both still very young, but currently there is a possibility they may have cancer. we cannot currently make an appointment with the hospital because its the weekend, and moreover if we can get an appointment it may be months away. Im terrified beyond belief. My fiancé even more so.

I truly do not know what to do. I'm someone who has been blessed in life in that I have never lost someone close to me. My fiancé pulled me out of the worst time in my life when I met them. My connection to God has never been strong despite my family being catholic. I don't even really know how to pray. We have so many plans for the future, to be married and raise a family together. To try and put a little good back into the world. To grow old together.

I am at a loss. Any prayer you can offer would mean so much to me. I would do anything for my fiancé, and though it feels wrong to come back to my faith because something horrible is happening and not for simply wanting to I only hope God can forgive me for it and protect my Love.

Of course, I will keep you both in my prayers. Never feel like you're turning to your faith for the 'wrong' reason, because this can put you off really engaging and connecting with your faith and using it as a pillar and a support network. Please reach out to a Church, even if you aren't currently attending one. And asking for prayers and for help from the Priest. Even if you did turn to faith for the 'wrong' reason, ultimately by spending time in prayer, spending time reading Scripture, spending time going to Church - whatever things you might be doing. Should hopefully lead to you sincerely connecting with your faith in a way that perhaps feels more meaningful to you. A genuine engagement with the faith. It is better to turn to God in times of desperate situations, than to never turn to Him at all. God never tires of us turning to Him for help.

People turn to the faith in different ways, in many different situations. We should never treat the individual turning to God as 'this is the right reason', 'this is the wrong reason'. Anything that could lead to someone genuinely increasing their faith, no matter how slim that possibility may be, should be encouraged. How many cultural Catholics still turn to St Anthony for help finding a lost item? Or a Hail Mary when they're in the hospital waiting room? As the old saying goes 'there's no atheist in the trenches'. And regardless of how 'silly' or 'insincere' or whatever else term we might use that turn to faith might be, God will use it as an opportunity for you to develop or redevelop that relationship with Him. Our entire life is a conversion process. We are always, every single day, choosing to convert to God through repentance or choosing to slip away from Him. Hoping in God, hoping in His power and His mercy and His comfort isn't a bad thing.

In terms of prayers, if you are feeling up for it. There is an Akathist to the Theotokos for healing - particularly for healing from cancer. I know you don't have a confirmed diagnosis, but please don't feel like you have to wait until then to pray this. You can pray it now. This is a long prayer. It is designed to be read all the way through. Don't worry about the names of Troparion or Kontakion, that's meant for people that are chanting the Akathist. http://www.stvladimiraami.org/sheetmusic/akathistvsetsaritsa.pdf Has the beginning prayers, as well as the full akathist. Generally, the first couple of times reading through an Akathist can make it take a long time. But I found through the Akathist that I prayed daily, that eventually it takes a lot less time because you know the prayer well enough. Don't feel like you have to read this every day. Traditionally, Akathists can be said once a day for a 40 day period. You don't have to do it for that long, just as and when it feels feasible. It does also have three prayers at the bottom. If you're ever not feeling up for praying the Akathist, feel free to pray those individually.

I have attached some much shorter prayers under the read more. Feel free to mix and match between them. I would recommend having at least one prayer, that you pray morning and night. If you can, I would also recommend reading a Psalm a day.

Dear Lord, as my loved ones and I await the results of medical tests about my affliction, let us offer you our anxieties for our good and your glory. Calm us in our worries, knowing these don’t add wisdom but rather stress to this situation. Enlighten us, though the power of your Spirit, to make wise decisions as to treatment. Help us not to turn away from You in these fragile, painful moments, but rather towards you for grace and strength. Comfort us in seeking you now as we place all our concerns in your loving hands as we say “Thy Will Be Done.”

--

Mary, health of the sick, you brought forth into our world Jesus Christ, our Divine Healer. In your caring goodness, intercede for (mention name), who is truly in need of miraculous assistance.

If it be God’s will, I ask this day that the gift of healing from all forms of cancer be granted to (name).

Comfort him/her during times of anguish, pain, confusion and despair. Ask our gracious Savior to grant him/her physical health, inner peace and patience in suffering.

May God’s healing graces grant (name) a life of happiness, health and fulfillment here on earth, and one day the joy of eternal glory in His loving embrace.

Amen.

--

Let us pray to the Lord. Lord have mercy.

O Lord Almighty, the Healer of our souls and bodies, You Who put down and raise up, Who chastise and heal also; do You now, in Your great mercy, visit our brother (sister) (Name), who is sick. Stretch forth Your hand that is full of healing and health, and get him (her) up from his (her) bed, and cure him (her) of his (her) illness. Put away from him (her) the spirit of disease and of every malady, pain and fever to which he (she) is bound; and if he (she) has sins and transgressions, grant to him (her) remission and forgiveness, in that You love mankind; yea, Lord my God, pity Your creation, through the compassions of Your Only-Begotten Son, together with Your All-Holy, Good and Life-creating Spirit, with Whom You are blessed, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

Let us pray to the Lord. Lord have mercy.

O Lord our God, Who by word alone did heal all diseases, Who did cure the kinswoman of Peter, You Who chastise with pity and heal according to Your goodness; Who are able to put aside every malady and infirmity, do You Yourself, the same Lord, grant aid to this Your servant (Name) and cure him (her) of every sickness of which he (she) is grieved; lift him (her) up from his (her) bed of pain and distress, and send down upon him (her) Your great mercy, and if it be Your Will, give to him (her) health and a complete recovery; for You are the Physician of our souls and bodies, and to You do we send up Glory: to Father, and to Son, and to Holy Spirit, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

--

O God, our help in time of need, Who are just and merciful, and Who inclines to the supplications of His people.

Look down upon ____________and have mercy on them and deliver them from the trouble that now besets them.

Deal with ____________ not according to their iniquities, but according to Your manifold mercies, for we are the works of Your hands, and You know our weaknesses.

I pray to you to grant ____________ Your divine helping grace, and endow them with patience and strength to endure their hardships with complete submission to Your Will.

Only You know our misery and sufferings, and to You, our only hope and refuge, we flee for relief and comfort, trusting in Your infinite love and compassion, that in due time, when You know best, You will deliver ____________ from this trouble, and turn their distress into comfort.

We then shall rejoice in Your mercy, and exalt and praise Your Holy Name, O Father, Son and Holy Spirit, both now and forever and to the ages of ages.  Amen

--

[Feel free to pray this one for yourself, and to edit it to be a prayer for your fiancé. From my understanding, when we are praying for someone else, we omit any references to them being a sinner. So you would edit it to 'Be merciful to him/her, O Master. Take from them the heavy burden of despair.']

O Greatly-merciful Master, Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me and cleanse me from every sadness and disturbance and cowardice. Drive away from me every spiritual choking and demonic sorrow, that I sense in my body and my soul. For You are our Joy, and the Hope of all the ends of the earth, and those far off at sea. Be merciful to me, O Master, upon my sins. Take from me the heavy burden of sin and despair. Drive far away from me every sadness and laziness. Confirm me in Your Love, and with unassailable hope and unshakable faith in You, through the intercessions of Your Spotless Mother, and all Your Saints. Amen.

--

[I would recommend this one for yourself]

O Master, Lord my God, in Whose hands is my destiny: Help me according to Thy mercy, and leave me not to perish in my transgressions, nor allow me to follow them who place desires of the flesh over those of the spirit. I am Thy creation; disdain not the work of Thy hands. Turn not away; be compassionate and humiliate me not, neither scorn me, O Lord, as I am weak. I have fled unto Thee as my Protector and God. Heal my soul, for I have sinned against Thee. Save me for Thy mercy's sake, for I have cleaved unto Thee from my youth; let me who seeks Thee not be put to shame by being rejected by Thee for mine unclean actions, unseemly thoughts, and unprofitable remembrances. Drive away from me every filthy thing and excess of evil. For Thou alone art holy, alone mighty, and alone immortal, in all things having unexcelled might, which, through Thee, is given to all that strive against the devil and the might of his armies. For unto Thee is due all glory, honor and worship: To the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen

--

[wiihtigo]

CASEY NATION RISE 7, 9, 17, 20, 23, 25

ask game

7. What’s one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

i used to think that she didnt care much about the art of actually acting and cinema and stuff and for her it was more about just being famous and it didnt matter how. i think that was partially because although i knew i wanted her to lust for fame and money the acting dream was kind of just randomly decided on. i thought i could easily swap it out with modelling or singing or something and it wouldnt make much difference. but the more time ive spent with casey, the more i see her as a true lover of movies and art....which i think leads in well to her endgame job being a script editor rather than an actor. her true talents lie behind the screen even if she herself doesnt see it...

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

whats a girl to do - cristina

a post canon (after nell dies) caseys life anthem:)

17. What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

well i was going to blame it entirely on you that nell dies and i had no say in that but i suppose i did come up with her emotional reaction to that myself, which causes me a lot of slow damage pain. SO I GUESS THAT..the fact she pushes michelle away after it happens is really depressing to me because thats literally her only friend left and only possible pillar of support, but she pushes her away because she hates everything and shes mad shes not nell and shes mad at her family and wants to explode. I think she'd be marginally less suicidal if she stayed friends with her.....

I guess also pulling from alternate realities the one where she dies is pretty fucked up. and very painful. and nell doesnt even make it to her to cradle her in her arms. SAD

20. Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

yyessss. at least when he and nell start getting lowkey. no. highkey #serious. early in their setup he wouldnt gaf if nell was married to a businesswoman in russia.but when they start ummmm [redacted] then hes like waittt. lol waittttttt lol wait. lol. WAITTT. gets a little annoyed when theyre at the doom patrol warehouse party and jayna from the wonder twins tries to get ladybugs number. THATS MY BODYGUARD..GET YOUR OWN. it manifests in that he'll get clingy to nell and mean and passive aggressive (or just aggressive) towards the person pissing him off. will be petty and spiteful (sees some poor scared nervous young lesbian trying to say hi to nell so he slides in and nuzzles up to her shoulder in public to let that sstupid kid know to go away)

idk why he does this. if you asked him if he liked nell he would say And what has she done to MAKE me like her

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

lol GRIEF. little casey has never experienced a death before nell! not even a pet death. she has no idea how to process those feelings or cope with them in the slightest. she goes like catatonic immediately after the fact bcuz shes so completely shocked and wasnt prepared for it at all (lowkey thought ladybug was too awesomeand strong to ever get got. stupidd)

on the complete flip side, also .....l-l-l-l-l-l-l--l-l-l-l-l-l...LOVE. or at least feeling a smidge of serious romantic attraction to someone. in canon end she never gets to deal with that bcuz she only realizes it after nell died and then promptly buried everything related to nell deep inside a hole. but in nyc nell simply has an epic near death experience where hes hospitalized and thats when casey is like fuuuuuuuuuck that scared me. DO I LIKE HER? she acts a bit pathetic and tsundere abt it which is endearing to me personally. maybe scares nell a bit. its cute to me though <3

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

shes not a good person </3 shes selfish and mean and doesnt care about other people </3 bent on revenge and hating </3 genuinely not a good guy </3 i love everything negative about casey the most

i also think secretary characters are sexy.

[lauren-no-why]

17, 19, and 2 (or 3 if that works better. ik we're kinda limited on options) for lord huron?

17: A fandom take I didn’t think about until I saw it, and I fully agree with

Actually, the dual narrative purpose of a lot of the songs is what comes to mind here. When I was listening to everything, piecing together my best possible interpretation of the storylines, I didn't see how completely purposefully some songs are written to be from one character's perspective and yet be used to illustrate another's. It's like the band created a bunch of fictional artists and their music, and then used those fictional artists' songs to fucking… make a fandom playlist for their own characters?? It's hilarious and I love it but man, didn't see how it was being done until I think I read Kirb talking about it at one point and now I'm 100% behind that being the rationale for a lot of the songs being presented the way they are. Like, well, I know we're all sick of The Night We Met but obviously it's the perfect example of this and I should have realized after seeing the music video just how widespread this is throughout at least Vide Noir and probably Long Lost.

19: Favorite headcanon

Oh my goodness, how do I pick. Well, I think it has to be everything I've come up with for the Redmayne boys, since they lack backstory. Again I will point people to this fic as a place to get at some of what's going on in my head for them.

But I'll also give a tiny characterization rundown for the two that canon gives us nothing on:

Alex - oldest of the three. Quiet, kinda stoic, but absolutely fiercely dedicated to keeping the gang united, functional, vicious, and yet like, a whole thriving little found family community in a world where everything is stacked against all of them. Religiously (not literally religious, but, cultishly? lmao) dedicated to the World Ender. Sociopath with low empathy but really really good at caring for the people around him to the point where he can in fact seem soft and even warm. He's the big supportive pillar for the gang and he's basically the reason that the Redmayne family unit is so cohesive. Functionally aromantic in that he just has more important shit to take care of and also I'm not sure he's like, fully capable of relating to people in a normal way anyway. He got picked to lead for a reason and he's extremely good at doing that, and a lot of people have suffered as a result, and for these boys and girls, that's a very very good thing.

Dale - middle boy. Brilliant, creative, witty, but it's all sex drugs and rock and roll for him. Keeps up with politics and local events primarily as a way to figure out how to strike and where in order to cause the most damage to whoever the gang goes after. Responsible when he has to be, but he'd rather be high and writing songs and playing shows and feeling all the energy from the crowd - or all the energy from the rest of the Enders as they ride out on the streets at night, howling at the stars, keeping the city under their control. Some who knew him as a kid probably are very disappointed that he's "squandered" all his creativity and intelligence but he'd prefer to say he's doing it exactly right, because the freedom of being a World Ender and the ability to hit back at society for all it's done to keep the people down is far more important to him.

2/3: favorite fic I've read or written myself

Hhhhgh there's so little to pick from, this feels unfair to the handful of really lovely people who have written anything at all to have to pick one! So first off, if you've written fic, I love you. If you haven't written any but are thinking about it, please, this desert is so dry and I am so thirsty.

But uh, I'm not going to pick one of mine, that feels even more cruel. No no, I absolutely adore your little Dale-centric thing, actually. Like I said when I read it, it just feels very spot on, very World Enders, having an entire conversation while some dead person is just casually burning away there, and, I don't know, I need more Enders, I need more Dale, this fic hits the spot. Lots of spots. It's been a bit since I re-read it actually, guess it's time to go do that haha.

[rexxdjarin]

Captain's Log: Chapter 13

Renewal

Series Summary: The galaxy is in turmoil. The Republic has fallen, giving rise to the sinister reign of the totalitarian Empire, led by the insidious Emperor Palpatine. The millions of valiant clone troopers of the former Grand Army of the Republic are now blindly sworn, against their will, to protect a regime they once sought to destroy. After being saved from a terrible fate by his former-Jedi ally and close friend, Ahsoka Tano, seasoned veteran CT-7567 Clone Captain Rex remains loyal to the pillars of Democracy, freedom and truth that shaped the former Galactic Republic. We follow him now struggling to deal with the personal aftereffects of survival and finding his place in the galaxy alongside the only person he has left. You. The love of his life.

[previous] [next] part of Captain's Log series post on ao3 Pairing: Captain Rex x Fem!Reader (she/her pronouns used) Word Count: 13.7k im sorry but also its worth it 😏 Series Rating: Explicit (18+ only, Minors DO NOT INTERACT) Chapter Summary: With most of the galaxy against them and the odds not on their side, Rex and his crew must decide how far they will go for family. Batchmates resurface and assign a new mission. Readers first symptoms begin and she finds herself in desperate need of relief. Chapter Warnings: 18+ EXPLICIT, P in V sex, fingering, mirror sex, dirty talk, squirting if ya squint ;), Mature Themes, Language, Political References, References to Canon Plot, References to Canon Deaths, Angst, Anguish.

Darkness. It could describe so much of my life right now besides just the atmosphere around our bunk room. Pitch black, not even a single ounce of light streaming in. Every part of the ship that was not life support or the hyperdrive navigation was powered down to conserve fuel, so even the cabin lights and switches weren’t dotting the walls like landing platform markers. After the meeting we had, life kinda felt like the ship–flying blind without a destination or a purpose to guide us forward. 

I couldn’t say I’d ever felt this much doubt, even during the worst of the battles I fought in during the war.

What was it all for?

Freedom? For who? I’d never really felt true freedom–I don’t think any of us did save for maybe Cut. But even he had to hide from the Republic in order to live the life he wanted.

Trillions of credits were spent on the lives of every single brother I knew, but now suddenly repayment for our service was too high a cost.

Fighting in this war was the right thing to do, no question. The things the 501st and I achieved were among the greatest honors of my life. But now, after everything, the galaxy would always see me as more than a droid but less than a person. 

What’s the point of fighting anymore?

I tossed and turned in bed, throwing my forearm over my face and groaning uncomfortably. She didn’t even stir beside me, her exhaustion a by-product of her first pregnancy symptom finally showing. Nausea and intense vertigo had kept her up and made her woozy for nearly the entire rest of the night. At this point, it was best to just let her sleep even though I couldn’t.

I rolled over, slowly easing myself out of her arms wrapped around my torso, and sat up on the edge of the bunk. I sighed, resting my forehead in my hands and trying to take deep breaths. I had to talk to my brothers about this. The decision from the Alliance. The mission for Cham. Everything.

We had gotten in too late to discuss anything, and her not feeling well meant we headed straight to bed after I’d told Wolffe to get us to Ryloth. Now was as good a time as ever to talk to them, without worrying her or stressing her out any more than necessary. Besides, she’d done enough fighting for us already.

I hoisted myself up, grabbed my body glove, and slipped it on. The uniform felt oddly comforting and reminiscent of a time when things still made sense to me. Our bunk door slid open and I tiptoed away quietly, heading up the rungs of the ladder to the cockpit where I knew Wolffe and Gregor would be completely awake just like I was.

I tapped on the cockpit door and entered, the two of them perking up immediately, probably eager to hear the news. However, the sight of me exhausted and almost defeated snuffed out any hint of their excitement. I plopped down in the passenger seat behind Gregor, avoiding their eyes.

Wolffe stood up from his spot in the pilot’s chair and scowled, “What happened, Rex?”

“Yeah, everything alright? You don’t look so good.” Gregor scooted forward, resting his hand on my forehead. 

“The Alliance doesn’t want to help us. They think it's too much for them to tackle,” I sighed, watching the hope in Gregor’s face falter and the rage in Wolffe’s grow. “I don’t even want to tell you some of the things that were said.” I massaged my temples with the pads of my fingers as I tried to remove their words of disgust from my memory.

“Even with her and Bail speaking up for us?” Gregor inquired, sitting back and contemplating how things could’ve fallen off this quickly.

I thought about the fire in my beloved’s eyes as she had lambasted them with scolding words of moral righteousness, battling their every misguided fear with the soaring light of truth. She reminded me not of the senator she served under, but of my general–absolutely fearless in the face of certain death and loss. She stood unyielding where no one else dared. She spoke for me when others wouldn’t listen. She fought, kicked, and hit them where it hurt, just like he always did for me. “She gave it a hell of a fight. Wish you could’ve seen her up there. She was… incredible, but it didn’t matter.”

“So what? We don’t fucking need them. We’ll take care of our own, like we always have,” Wolffe spat, his disappointment usually presented as anger to hide his hurt. He had always been that way.

I glanced between my brothers, their own eyes now teaming with justified rage, and felt nothing but fear for both of them. They didn’t have to hear what even the galaxy’s best people thought of us, and I’d do everything in my power to make sure they wouldn’t for as long as I could. Because if good people couldn’t bring themselves to care, then what did we have left? 

Maybe the time was approaching when it didn’t make sense to fight anymore. Maybe I was the only one who saw it. I felt guilty even thinking about it. It went against every principle I ever knew to give up, but that had become a possibility for the first time in my life.

“And where has that ever gotten us, Wolffe? Hurt, kidnapped, missing, killed… what’s the point? Of all of this? Aren’t you tired of only being what they used us for?” I asked quietly, trying desperately to hold back the anxious tears that had been brimming in my eyes since the start of that meeting.

Wolffe stopped, his anger breaking immediately, and he crouched down to my eye level. “Yeah, Rex. Always. Every day. Since the day I was put in this armor. Since the day they crushed my entire battalion and stuck me back out there the very next day. But you know what keeps me going? What gets me back out there every time? My brothers. My flesh and blood. If there’s still a chance we can help them, I want to try. The two of you helped me remember that.”

From the way his jaw twitched, I could tell he was still thinking about Fox, and maybe Cody as well.

“You risked your life to take me in, Rex. I wouldn’t be here without you,” Gregor said, offering up his canteen of water and patting my shoulder. “We may not be ready to take on the Empire, and I understand being tired of fighting, but I’m not going to give up on my brothers. We can still fight to try and save them, even if we have to do it alone.” 

I sighed, closing my eyes and pressing the heels of my palms onto them. “I know, I know. You’re right. It’s just… hard not to let it get to you. Especially now after what I’ve heard. The whole galaxy thinks we were in on it. On all of it. It was… tough to just stand there and take.”

Wolffe grunted in annoyance, his disdain for politicians growing by the day. “And Bail? What did he say?”

“He was one of only three senators who voted to help us, along with Saw Gerrera and Cham Syndulla. Syndulla got us our next mission,” I mentioned, pointing to the navicomputer. It was blinking with the updated timing for our approach to Ryloth.

“Helping people who care is all we can do now. Let us make a difference where we can. We’ll find our own way,” Gregor reassured, reaching for the canteen in my hand and taking a few swigs of water for himself.

Wolffe resumed his seat, doing a quick systems check on the ship to keep his hands busy. “Ryloth, huh? Howzer was stationed there last I can recall. He picked up where Keeli left off.” 

“Yeah. Guess my whole batch had to visit this planet once,” I remarked, fondly remembering my brother and eldest batchmate, Keeli, who died long before the galaxy changed. Howzer and I were probably the only two left of our batch now. “I lost contact with him a long time ago. What do you know about the situation there?”

“Well, I know he and his men were still stationed there. Though for the Empire, not the Republic. Things were just starting to get testy when I… when I got away,” Wolffe explained, scratching the growing beard on his jaw as he thought.

“Howzer and his boys must’ve rebelled and held the Empire off for a little while. Cham needs us to eliminate the rest of the special forces. He wants to hit them while they’re still down. We’ve got a small window in the next few rotations,” I explained, relaying the information Cham had given us when he approached us on Fest.

“And what’s in it for us?” Gregor inquired, sitting back in the co-pilot's chair and sighing. He looked tired–there were dark circles under his eyes and the familiar, cheerful light in them was noticeably absent. I wonder if he ever sleeps much anymore.

“Cham promised us supplies and weapons. Anything we need to start preparing for an uprising,” I replied, trying to mentally count the munitions we had in the hold downstairs. There wasn’t much that the pirates who owned this scrap heap left behind for us and our DC-17s weren’t going to cut it for the entire company’s worth of clones we planned on freeing.

“So, he’s committing to our freedom, huh?” Wolffe thought aloud, snorting to himself. “Guess he does live up to his name. Howzer must’ve done quite a bit to earn his trust. Cham was one of the Republic’s biggest headaches at times.”

“Howzer saved the Syndulla’s lives. He and his men are with them leading the fight against Imperial occupation now. Guess the Bad Batch helped him see reason. Cham’s fought his way back to the planet, and he wants us to help him eliminate the remnants of the Empire’s forces before they breach the city walls again.”

Gregor laughed, “Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I am itching for a fight against those Imperial dogs.” He whipped the chair around and took over the controls just as the nav signaled our drop out of hyperspace. “Where we off to, Cap?”

“Head toward these coordinates. Cham’s palace is on the outskirts of the capital, Lessu. We’re supposed to meet him there.” I reached up to the console and tapped the coordinates in, giving my brothers a flight path.

“She agreed to this?” Wolffe asked gruffly, pointing casually at where she slept downstairs.

“Before he even had the chance to ask,” she interrupted, climbing up into the cockpit. I rose and pressed a kiss into her hair as she came to stand beside me. The same fire she had during her speech was still burning in her dark eyes. 

Wolffe smirked and shook his head. “She’s dangerous, Rex’ika. Be careful, darling, I might have to steal you from him.”

“Over my dead body, you grump,” she laughed, punching him in the bicep and resting her head on my shoulder. “We better get him some female attention soon. He’s not used to not being fawned over.”

Wolffe began to groan in protest, but the incoming holomessage from Cham interrupted him.

“Captain, I am glad you managed to persuade your men to join our cause. I must say your brothers here were relieved to hear of your collective survival,” Cham said, his serious stare hardened and cold enough to intimidate even through a hologram.

“Hey, we’re happy to be here, too,” I joked, though Cham didn’t crack. He apparently wasn’t known for his humor. “This here is Gregor, ex-commando. And this is Wolffe, formerly of the 104th attack battalion.”

He bowed his head graciously and turned to my cyar’ika. “And how are you? My men have heard your speech. They are interested in meeting you, to thank you for speaking up for them. It has meant a great deal. Many have joined my cause because of you.”

She smiled, the blaze of justice igniting in her eyes. “Doing well, General. Thank you. Tell your men we’re on our way.”

Syndulla gestured to a few people out of frame and nodded in understanding. “Our landing bay is an open-mouthed cave entrance on the left side of the palace. You will not be followed there. We’ll see you soon.” Wolffe guided the ship down through the tall plateaus and rocky terrain of this part of the planet just as the hologram disappeared.

“So speaking of female company…” Gregor smirked, “Ryloth is known for its performative, grand welcomes. Think you could put in a good word for me, gorgeous?” he turned over his shoulder to ask her.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s been that long for you, hmm?” I laughed at her obvious annoyance and kissed her forehead as her arms wrapped around me.

“Far too long,” Gregor replied, “and never with a Twi’lek.” He winked, glaring at the both of us. “Besides… I think you two owe me.”

Wolffe laughed for the first time in weeks, “Yeah, I second that.”

I could practically feel her blushing. “I’ll see what I can do,” she hummed softly. The normalcy of this request reminded me of all the times she wing-manned the Torrent boys back home at 79s. That was nothing more than fond memories now.

The ship flew through the shade cast by clouds of past explosions covering the surface, and I gulped at the craters left on the planet's surface by battles weeks old. It must’ve been a rough evac if this much debris had been left behind.

I could feel her wincing beside me and I seated us both down gently into the passenger's seat behind Gregor. She probably hadn’t seen battlefields to the extent we had throughout the war. It was hard to look at even for guys like us who had seen hundreds of worlds like this. From the looks of it, it was only getting worse under the Empire.

My soldier’s resolve was strengthening in my soul all over again. Seeing worlds like this, absolutely destroyed by evil, and knowing that people needed help was a reminder that I couldn’t give up. My other reminder rested under my palm as I rubbed slow strokes on her warm lower belly. Even if I wanted to, even if things were getting worse, even if the galaxy gave up on all of us clones, I didn’t have it in me to quit, because our ad’ika deserved to grow up in a safe galaxy.

She looked up at me, her hand coming to rest over mine, nodding once like she could read my thoughts. That was why she agreed to the mission. She knew I needed to be reminded of how much I could help people. No matter what the Alliance said, I was more than a human weapon. We all were. We were finally free to choose to help the people who needed it. And damn it, that’s what we’re going to do.

The Syndulla’s landing bay looked miraculously untouched for a planet occupied by the Empire. Located on the far side of the palace, the cave entrance was hidden by the large craggy rock face of the mountain range–too well disguised for the class of Imperial officers who were unfamiliar with the planet to recognize.

As Wolffe prepared the ship for landing, we noted the massive number of likely stolen ships that took up most of the space in the hangar. They all seemed to be in various states of disrepair, but nothing a few well-trained clones like ourselves couldn’t fix.

“Wonder why they don’t just use these to fight the Empire off,” she said aloud, counting the number of ships from her place on my lap.

“They don’t have the men, I’d suspect,” Gregor responded as he began shutting the ship’s engines down. “None of these are single-man fighters. Even if Howzer managed to recruit a small group of his old battalion members, that’s still not enough to go head-to-head with Imperial fighter squadrons.”

“Yeah, they wouldn’t stand a chance unless they had about six troopers manning some of these guns,” Wolffe explained, settling the ship into the hangar and stretching as he stood up. “Though the Wolfpack probably could’ve done it with less.”

I snorted, my brother’s overconfidence clouding his judgment. “I think all those craters in the surface say otherwise. They were probably lucky to escape with their lives,” I remarked, remembering the numerous times we had caused similar damage in pursuit of victory against the Separatists. The similarities made me more uncomfortable the longer I thought about it.

She narrowed her eyes, nibbling on her bottom lip as the wheels spun in her head. “It’s a good thing Twi’leks largely live underground here. That’s a huge advantage. The Empire would have to rely solely on ground assaults to make any headway,” she declared, fishing through her bag on the floor for her datapad to make notes for future briefings.

Wolffe and Gregor whipped around, their brows raised in surprise at her suggestion. They exchanged glances, and she huffed softly. She folded her arms in annoyance, her shirt pulling and exposing the tiny bulge of her belly just beginning to show signs of the life within. She was cute when she was mad, and nothing irked her more than being underestimated. “What? I pay attention in strategy meetings. I know things.” 

“Alright, Commander,” Wolffe teased, gathering his pack and slinging it over his shoulder. “We’ll talk to Syndulla and see what we’re working with. You might be onto something.” Instead of countering him with another playful insult, she smiled and nodded, probably equally surprised at his acceptance of her idea.

Gregor clapped his hands together and stepped out from behind his seat, “Well, let’s go! I’m in the mood to see what kind of welcome is in store for us. Think they’ve got any nuna here?”

“I think you’ll be lucky if you get more than a few ration sticks, Gregor,” I remarked, slinging my arm around her shoulder and kissing her temple as we followed them out of the cockpit. “You feeling better, mesh’la?”

She leaned into my side more than normal and gripped at the fabric of my blacks with need. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was trying to pull me aside for something else. “I’m ok, baby. Still a little woozy. I just need some water and, honestly, anything warm to eat. Why’d you get up before me?” she whispered, pawing at my chest and blinking up at me. I could never hide a thing from that face.

“I couldn’t sleep. That business with the Alliance…” She hummed in regret as I trailed off, looking away from me as if it was her fault they said all those things. “Just needed a talk with the boys. The kind of thing only they’d understand.”

She stopped, fiddling with the hem of her shirt and running her palm along her bump. “I’m sorry you had to listen to that. I shouldn’t have made you come with me. That was too much.” I didn’t have to see her face to know she was upset by it, too. She sniffled, trying to wipe the tears off her cheeks before I saw.

Stepping in front of her, I grabbed both her hands and brought them to rest between us before tipping her chin up. “Hey… hey… none of that now. It’s alright. I know you don’t think like they do. That’s what matters.” The hurt in her eyes perfectly reflected how I felt inside–like she could feel the pain for me. 

She balled her hands into fists then let them relax to curl her fingers into my sides, and I hugged her tight as she held onto me. “They’re wrong. You all deserved better than this. And I won’t stop reminding them of that. There’s always more I can do.”

I shook my head, shushing her quietly as I twirled a few strands of her hair around my finger. “You’re doing just fine, mesh’la. It means more to us than it ever will to anyone else. You heard what Cham said, you inspired other troopers to fight back. We may not have been able to reach the Alliance, but we are getting through to the ones who matter. Maybe now is the time we clones fight for ourselves.” I rested my chin on the top of her head, more to convince myself than her.

She pulled away, spreading her fingers on my chest and looking up at me fondly. “You know… if you keep giving speeches like that, you’re not going to need me to inspire them.” She leaned in and kissed me softly, one hand sliding up to rest on my flushed cheek. Her tongue slipped along my bottom lip and brushed delicately against mine. Though she tried to keep it brief, I could tell she wanted more as she broke away.

“If you’re looking for a reason why you survived when so many of your brothers did not… I think you’ve found it. You’re their leader. They’ll follow you anywhere. I know I will, too.” She gasped suddenly and her hands flew to her belly. “And someone else agrees,” she beamed, my hands reaching down to join hers to feel the tiny flutters of his kicks.

I knelt down in front of her, glancing up at her quickly for permission before pulling the bottom of her shirt up to speak directly to him. “Hey little bug, you think I can do it too, huh?”

I tried to imagine what it must be like to be so small but to experience life alongside both of your parents as you grow; to be along for the ride with them instead of growing alone and in silence in a sterile tube like my brothers and I had. While we would never know a bond like that, we had each other. Just like I would do anything for her and our little one, someone had to feel the same about my brothers and the birth of a new life they could have if we all just fought for it.

The little kicks under my palm solidified it. I would be the one who cared enough to free them. No matter the odds, no matter what it took. “Thanks for believing in your dad, Ad’ika. We got our family to save and we won’t let them down.” I smiled up at her, the real smile I only reserved for her, and rose again. “C’mon. We’ve gotta go, my love.”

After I’d changed into some civvies, we followed where Gregor and Wolffe had made their way down to the hold, her fingers laced reassuringly in mine. Syndulla would be out to greet us any second and hopefully reunite us with more of our renegade brothers. 

I could only imagine what Howzer would say about meeting my pregnant girlfriend for the first time in the middle of a warzone. Though she’d be quick to point out that nothing would stop her from fighting alongside us.

Gregor and Wolffe waited by the open docking ramp, watching for signs of anyone coming to greet us. We pushed past them and made our way down into the hangar platform just as the blast doors opened up to reveal not Syndulla himself, but my little brother.

“Well if it ain't the quacta calling the stifling slimy…” Howzer folded his arms as his gaze bounced between us, halting just a few feet away.

Howzer’s armor needed a fresh coat of teal green paint, the chest plate and shoulder pauldrons more faded and cracked than he would ever allow under normal circumstances, but his signature hair was still perfect. While the rest of our batch and I had always shaved our hair down to nothing, Howzer had grown his out–somehow still managing to look the most put-together. He had always been the most creative of us, and even when we’d given him shit for it, he’d never allowed his armor to look dull or his hair to fall flat.

“Aren’t you supposed to be an Imperial now?” I joked darkly, mirroring his stance and narrowing my eyes.

Howzer scowled dramatically, pointing his finger at me and grumbling, “Aren’t you supposed to be dead?” He carefully studied my face now, taking in the state of me alive and well after all reports had me as good as dead. Before I could reply, he leapt forward and embraced me tightly, the relief melting the tension away. He had always been my most sensitive kih’vod and never liked to feel alone, even before we left the blank white halls of Kamino.

I wrapped my arms around him and held tight, communicating all the unspoken pain of trauma and loss during this war in one embrace. “I’m happy to see you too, Vod. Wish it was under better circumstances.” I pulled back, resting my hand on his shoulder and shaking him loose.

“I didn’t want to believe the reports. They couldn’t have gotten you. I’m glad my gut feeling was right, but why all the secrecy?” he asked, turning to look over my shoulder at the crew just behind me. “And how’d you manage to spring Commander Grouch from the Citadel?”

Wolffe growled, “I freed myself, thank you very much. Those bucket-head new troopers were no match for me. I never even made it to my cell.”

Gregor giggled, amused by Wolffe’s constant insults of the men he’d been forced to train. “Bucket-heads… that’s a good one, Wolffe. To be clear, he saved us and decided to tag along. I’m Gregor, by the way. Special Ops.”

Howzer shrugged, impressed at what we had managed to accomplish while still making it out in one piece. “So you snagged yourself a Commando, too. It’s just like you, blondie, to bring people together like this. Guess that’s why the general felt you were the man for the job.”

“Guess so. That and I’ve got a hell of a motivator here.” I cocked my head in her direction, Howzer’s eyes noticeably widening as he sized her up. “She’s the one whose message your men heard.” I beckoned for her to join me and she stepped beside us, holding her hand out to Howzer.

“I just told the truth, no need to thank me for advocating for all clones the way the galaxy should’ve done a long time ago. It also helps when you’ve been in love with one for nearly 4 years.” Her smile widened, eyes softening with the gentle fondness I’d come to know from her all this time. 

I tucked her into me and felt her grip tighten on my side again. Needy. Just as I thought, but no one else would have noticed. She stood tall and confident, the same way she did when she spoke to the Alliance. I couldn’t have been more proud to have her lead beside me and hoped all my brothers loved her the way I did. 

Howzer studied her and the way she held me more intently, “Wait–so you’re his…?” He connected the dots in his head, his eyes wild with realization. “Damn, Rex. No wonder it’s been so long. You’ve been busy.” 

“You have no idea,” Gregor and Wolffe chortled in unison as she turned around to argue with them playfully.

“Well, I can’t say I blame him. You’re stunning,” Howzer complimented bluntly, arching a brow at me and smirking. “Probably too good-looking for him, cyar’ika,” he added, taking her free hand again and pressing a polite kiss to her knuckles.

I scoffed, rolling my eyes and looking over his shoulder at the door he’d come out of. “Alright, alright. Let’s get inside and you can all take turns clowning me later.”

“Erm… right. Well, the General’s probably just finishing his strategy meeting with his resistance leaders. Normally the Twi’leks like to throw banquets for guests, but there aren’t enough rations for anything extravagant right now. They are still planning to have you all meet everyone. The boys and I managed to scrounge up some leftover ration biscuits, the little green ones,” Howzer explained as he started toward the door, the rest of us falling into step behind him.

Gregor groaned loudly, the sound of his grumbling belly was loud enough to keep us all up at night. “I could crush about 20 of them right now. I’m starving.” We’d been running low enough on supplies that snacking mid-day was no longer an option, especially since she had to eat for two.

“How about fresh nerf stew and we save the rations for when we really need them?” a pleasant, accented voice called out from just down the hall. As we stepped past the blast door frame, a tall, elegant, green Twi’lek woman revealed herself, peeking out of a large room several doors away. She glanced at each of us briefly, likely taking stock of how much she could spare for each of us. “Howzer, dear, bring our guests into the hall with Cham and the others. We will bring everything out to you.”

“Yes, Eleni. Right away.” Howzer saluted her formally. Clearly, he respected her as equal to the general, so she must’ve been his wife. “The squad’s probably anxious to see you, too.” He herded us to the door just ahead of the one she’d peeked out of, and we disappeared into another hallway just as we heard her calling out in Twi’leki.

“How have your men been holding up since everything happened, Brother?” I asked, letting the other three take the lead down the long stone hallway.

“Not well, I’m afraid. There were no Jedi stationed on Ryloth, luckily, but we heard the chatter all over every comm channel. At first, we followed the Empire without question. What was the difference, you know?” He sighed deeply and mournfully as he recalled the time before the Free Ryloth movement had been able to gather enough force to push the Empire back. “Then things changed. Things stopped making sense. The chain of command stopped listening to us clones, started demanding we do things…” Howzer closed his eyes, shuddering and taking a deep breath.

“Things you knew weren’t right,” I finished, following his story to the same conclusion as all the rest now. “You had to make a decision for your men and the people you protected all these years.” I slung my arm over his shoulder, reassuring him the best way I could.

“Yeah, Rex. I did what I had to. I laid my weapons down and disobeyed orders because they went against the people I swore to protect. The Bad Batchers were here, too, and they helped us figure out what to do. Especially one of your old boys, Echo.” Howzer smiled, stopping in his tracks and looking up through a skylight in the cave ceiling. “A lot of my men defected that day and we’ve never looked back.”

I watched my little brother feeling the light hit him, maybe for the very first time. Though he’d been aged and weathered by the brewing storm of the constant battle for justice, he’d made the right choice. He saved his men, he saved his people, and he saved himself. We were all good men deep down and no mandated order would ever change that.

“I’m proud of you, Howzer. You did what many of our brothers could not. You saw a better way. That’s why we’re here now. We can do the same thing again for so many of our brothers who just need to see the way out. The chips forced us to act, but they cannot change who we are. My squad is planning on rescuing more clones if we can, but we’re going to need as much help as we can get. After this mission, are you in?” I asked gently, knowing that pulling him away from his duty to his people was a tall ask.

Howzer closed his eyes and bowed his head, running his fingers through his dark hair. When he opened them again the fire of determination that I saw in myself had sparked for him too. “I thought you’d never ask.” He reached out his hand and clasped it with mine tightly to signal a deal well struck. “I’m beside you always. My men will be on board, too.”

“We have to talk about removing their chips. It might be a little difficult here since things are so remote,” I thought aloud, moving to scratch at the healed scar along my hairline. “It’s the safest thing to do to make sure we can never be compromised like that again.”

Howzer moved to flank me, inspecting where the chip had been removed from me and wincing as he imagined having to cut through his hair to do it. “Yeah, I expected that. I’ll talk to the general and see what we can do. He’s got to know of a medical station somewhere around here. Twi’leks are a little more holistic than the Republic–they use healing herbs and careful doses of spice at times.”

We picked up our pace toward the banquet room, Howzer explaining more about what his men had been experiencing since the order happened. Nasty, brutal things. Some of his men reacted the usual way with blind fits of anger and lashing out at anyone not loyal to the Empire. Others experienced debilitating migraines or seizures from fighting so hard against the inhibitor chip to keep their consciousness. A few had even died, their brains having huge aneurysms from the overload of information the chip was programming into their minds.

I remembered not liking how it felt to have my mind taken over, but Ahsoka knocking me out and intervening likely saved me from enduring any of the after-effects that lots of clones seemed to be experiencing. Microdoses of spice and proper rest in a hangar locked away from Twi’leks or other brothers had allowed the more severe cases to run their course until the worst of it had died down. 

Howzer didn’t know exactly why he had never suffered quite as intensely as the rest of his men, but the best he could figure is that older clones seemed to have stronger willpower to resist their chip’s effects. However, full removal remained the only surefire guarantee that the nightmare would end.

Upon our entry to the banquet hall, we found the entirety of Cham’s protected population sitting in a large circle along the walls of a massive vaulted cavern held up by stone pillars. Some of Howzer’s men mingled among the Twi’leks while others huddled in sequestered groups, but I could feel their curious eyes on us. 

In the middle of the crowd, a group of Twi’lek men and women of every skin color imaginable performed an elaborate, lithe dance set to the thrumming rhythm of echoing steel drums. Not far from us, Cham sat with two of his advisors and a green Twi’lek child in a small alcove adorned with knit patterned tapestries and hand-painted drawings in bright pigments.

“Captain, welcome!” Cham called from his seat, beckoning our group forward. He raised his hands as he stood, and the dancing and drumming ceased. “My people! Tonight we welcome our new guests. They have come to help us retake our planet with their brothers. With their assistance, Ryloth will be free once again!”

The crowd erupted into cheers for a moment before the drums and dancing started up again, and somewhere in the chaos, my beloved was stolen away by Cham’s wife. Normally, I’d have been anxious to be parted from her, but the smile she tossed at me over her shoulder as she disappeared into the crowd put me at ease. Howzer and I took two of the remaining seat cushions beside Cham, while Gregor and Wolffe sat just behind us, cross-legged on plushy floor cushions. 

No sooner had we sat down than we were served the nerf stew we had been promised. Gregor sipped his portion down as if he hadn’t eaten in a week, but Wolffe’s mismatched eyes were fixed on the twists and turns of the women performing. If I followed his gaze, I could guess that the lovely red-skinned Twi’lek woman making eyes in his direction had caught his attention. Their behavior felt more normal than either of them had been in a long time, and I smiled to myself as they both seemed to enjoy the celebration.

“This was more welcome than we needed, General. You didn’t have to do all this,” I explained humbly, taking a cup of some kind of juice from a blue Twi’lek woman adorned in knit fabric far too revealing to be practical.

“Nonsense. You are guests, and it is customary for us to greet you in this way. It brings my people joy to celebrate what makes us special during times of strife.” Cham closed his eyes solemnly and massaged his temple with his right hand.

I glanced around the hall at the tired faces somehow able to find happiness to lend to others, even if only briefly. It was inspiring that their resolve hadn’t been broken, even through insurmountable odds. They truly were proud, determined people, and fighting alongside them would be incredibly rewarding if we managed to make any headway. I could see why Howzer was so hellbent on refusing to hurt the culture that had so graciously accepted him as one of their own.

Still, it was hard for me to relax knowing what we needed to accomplish. I was used to diligent planning and hours-long strategy meetings to prepare for missions of this magnitude. I could feel my mind racing with battle maneuvers and military strategy as the rest of the crowd enjoyed themselves.

Gregor and Wolffe were talking amongst themselves, glancing every so often at a group of women who were making eye contact and giggling whenever the two clones looked their way. That same red Twi’lek that had been dancing was among them now, and she kept shooting cheeky grins at them. They had been surrounded by clones for years, but recent bias must’ve made the two brothers look irresistible. I rolled my eyes playfully, knowing where that was probably going, and trying to distract myself from thinking about what I wanted to do to my mesh’la if I was ever able to locate her.

I shook the enticing image of her wearing some of the clothes the performers had on from my mind and turned toward Cham again. “General, when will we meet to strategize with your leaders? I have some ideas and–”

“Rex… relax. We have arranged a strategy meeting for tomorrow morning. We can talk about battle then. For now, enjoy a moment’s respite. Your partner understands…” he laughed, motioning at the same group of women who had been drooling over my brothers and suddenly finding her at the center of them.

I didn’t know if it was the aura from the cavern's skylights or the reflection of candlelight glittering off jewels hanging from the walls, but I was overcome by the sight of her glowing and laughing among them. Seeing her enjoying herself as the party wore on made my battle-anxious mind relax. To me, she was the most beautiful person here, and I smiled softly to myself as she finally made eye contact with me.

Her smile was soft and reverent, making her look every bit as stoic, classy, and put-together as she always carried herself among colleagues. Yet, I recognized the fire and lust simmering in the depth of her gaze.

She’d been overly needy all day, pawing and pulling at me at every chance she got, and something about the way she looked at me signaled that she was feeling a deep, magnetic desire. Her libido had always been powerful since the very first day I met her, but this look was something entirely different–maddeningly desperate and practically begging for me to whisk her away to have my way with her. It was all but confirmed as her eyes darkened and her tongue slipped out to wet her lips.

My own lust prickled down my spine and settled in my core, exacerbated by the floating aroma of incense and spice hanging thickly in the air. It took everything in me not to leap from my position and drag her to a quiet, dark corner of the palace. Before I could move an inch, she got lost in the circle of Twi’lek girls again, and I choked down my fantasies until I could get her alone.

I turned to the little girl seated beside Cham and asked for a small bowl of stew to be passed my way. She smiled earnestly and brought it over to me quickly, including another cup of the tart juice they all seemed to enjoy. 

“If you’re a Captain… does that mean you used to fly in big starships?” she asked eagerly, her little green head-tails twirling together in excitement. 

She reminded me of another bright-eyed, inquisitive young girl who never stopped asking me questions. Though the memories of a small, orange Jedi padawan bursting with excitement and eagerness for battle experience seemed so long ago.

“Yeah, kid. I flew on Venators and Acclamators lots of times. They’re not as fun as personal starships, though. I was never really that great of a pilot,” I shrugged, laughing to myself as I remembered all the times General Skywalker pointed out ways I could improve my starfighter piloting skills. I had gently reminded him that some of us had spent a lot less time being ten years old than he had.

“Well, I’m going to be one someday. Howzer says I’m already pretty good, but I’ll be the best in the galaxy,” she rambled excitedly, pulling a pair of haphazardly constructed flight goggles from the pocket of her leather jacket.

“Hera, come. Leave the men in peace, your mother wants you in bed soon,” Cham ordered, apologizing silently as he whisked her away behind him. “Apologies. She’s still learning.”

“That’s alright. I’ve got a lot to learn too,” I replied, the second part muttered more to myself than anyone else. Cham stared at me quizzically as he tried to figure out what I meant when we were interrupted by a group of women approaching our alcove. Slowly, they parted and my bold cyar’ika guided three of them toward where Gregor and Wolffe sat, eyes glued to the girls instead of the performance.

“Boys, this is Noola, Ryloo, and Zeeta. Ladies, this is Wolffe and Gregor. You won’t find better men to keep you company. You can take my word for it.” She turned and winked at me suggestively, Cham looking at me and chuckling to himself. I felt my face get hot with embarrassment and I took a sip of my drink to calm my nerves.

The three women parted from the group and approached my brothers. Zeeta, the red Twi’lek whose bright green eyes had been on us all night, made her way over to Wolffe. She began running her fingers along his shoulder pauldron and whispering something in his ear that made his brows raise instantly. His hand shot out to grab her by the waist and pull her down on his thigh. They took turns exchanging words, and his hand settled at the exposed small of her back.

At the same time, the other two women–Noola, who was bright purple, and Ryloo, a soft green–joined Gregor on either side, kneeling beside him and curling their arms around his biceps. Gregor lit up like a supernova, his irresistible charm instantly pulling the girls into him like a magnet. They listened to him talk and giggled in unison at all his jokes, genuinely finding him as delightful as he claimed women always did.

My attention was turned toward my partner who had reached her hand down to pull me up to my feet. “See? I told them I’d work something out. They should be well taken care of until morning.” 

Pulling her close, I ran my palm up her back, pressing her into me to both feel her and to possessively let the whole group know who I was with. I leaned down to whisper teasingly in her ear, “Does that mine I get you all to myself tonight?” Had we not been in such a public setting, I would’ve laved my tongue and lips along her neck, but that would have to be for later. “Can I take you away now?”

She moaned more than sighed, the lust overwhelming her and making her tremble in my grasp. “Please.” She rested both hands on my chest and stole a glance at my lips like she wanted to be consumed by the need building between us. “Please, Rex. I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

—

The guest quarters in Cham Syndulla’s family palace were nicer than anything I’d ever stayed in. The old sandstone structure was built to blend with a large network of massive caverns on Ryloth’s naturally rocky terrain. Cham was kind enough to give Rex and me the larger of the three rooms, while both Gregor and Wolffe seemed more than content with whatever room could accommodate their new company for tonight.

It was like a private villa. Our own living space with jewel-toned chaise lounges and a carved marble table that was etched with a retelling of Ryloth’s thousand-year history. Normally a large banquet-style feast would be held on a table like this, but given the circumstances, there wasn’t nearly enough food to constitute a feast. Nonetheless, Cham’s wife, Eleni, had been kind enough to bake fresh bread and leave a few pieces of fruit beside it on the center of the table. 

It was customary for Twi’leks from Ryloth to give to their visitors as a friendly extension of their hospitality, but Eleni seemed to be offering this out of more than just custom. She had watched my movements the entire night, taking notice of the way I avoided any of the alcoholic refreshments at the celebration, and kept a firm, almost needy hold on Rex as we were welcomed into a strange place.

When Rex and I entered the bathroom off of the guest bedroom, I knew that Eleni had figured it out. On the shelves and counters of the natural hot spring bathroom were dozens of soothing oils, medicinal herbs, and healing serums specifically for expectant mothers. I turned to Rex in shock, in enough disbelief that he thought I may have been accusing him of spilling our secret.

He shook his head and chuckled, “I promise, I haven’t said a thing to her. Seems like she just knows. Mother’s intuition maybe. You know she and Cham have little ones,” he reassured me, his warm hand on my lower back instantly soothing a particular spot that had been bothering me now for a few days. I closed my eyes and sighed at the contact, Rex moving to massage the spot a little more. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make my already burning arousal ignite even more.

The last few days had seen the hormone levels in my body skyrocket out of control, which I knew would hit me eventually. Sometimes this resulted in anger or irritability that I had to do my best to tamp down around the guys. Other times it resulted in what I felt now–pure, unfiltered, and unbearable lust. Even just watching Rex’s broad shoulders rise and fall as he breathed would set me off now. The pool of heat that collected at my center would pound and throb until something was done to quell the desire; a side effect that Rex was more than enjoying. 

In this moment, the muggy steam of the hot spring combined with Rex’s touch on my body made my toes curl. I felt my nipples bud and the space between my thighs dampen with an overwhelming need for him. I took in a deep breath, opening my eyes to let out a slow sigh, one with enough allure to get his attention. “Rex.” I whispered, turning my face to look up at him desperately. What started as an innocent reassuring of his presence had suddenly become so much more than that.

Rex perked up, his sly smirk curling his pretty, plush lips at the corners and his brow arching with intrigue. “Did I do something, mesh’la?” He asked, pretending he was blissfully unaware of my body’s reaction to him. “Because I know that sound… and I know what usually comes with it,” he teased, his arm slowly circling my side to pull him into me.

“You...” I gulped, his body heat beginning to join the long list of sensations I was feeling taking over me. “You did and are doing something to me. Did you seal the door to our bedroom?” I asked with shaky breaths as his familiar musky, woodsy, lived-in scent began to flood around me.

He chuckled deeply, and I felt the vibration heavily in my chest that was just painfully aching for touch. “Yes, I did. Not that, that was going to stop us, right?” he muttered, flicking off the lights and letting the skylight in the cavern ceiling illuminate the space now. 

“Nothing is going to stop me right now,” I admitted through gritted teeth. I rested my hands on the counter and looked up at my reflection in the mirror, a dark shade of lust overtaking me as I watched Rex butt himself up behind me. He slotted his chin into the space just below my jaw, both his arms now wrapping around my waist.

He peppered small, intimate kisses on my skin, now coated in a sheen of humidity and sweat, and emitted a determined, raspy groan, “Sounds like a challenge, pretty girl. Think I can help?” 

Suddenly, he licked a long stripe up the corded vein in my neck and I gasped, my blood pulsing faster as my heart raced with anticipation, overheating me with desire. 

“Talk to me, cyar’ika. Need me to make you feel good?” Rex asked against the shell of my ear, beginning to work at the clothes keeping my bare skin from his.

“Please, gods yes, Rex. It’s unbearable… I feel like I’m on fire. Everywhere,” I whimpered, meeting his nimble fingers at the hem and helping him pull off my top in one gesture. My chest erupted from it, swollen breasts and pebbled nipples reacting dramatically to the change in temperature.

Rex let out a satisfied grunt, making eye contact with me in the mirror as his calloused hands moved to cup them. He kneaded them carefully, kissing my jaw and pressing them together to make me writhe at the contact.

“There… that a little better? You are fucking perfect… tits getting so big. You’re spoiling me. Just look at how pretty you are. Just when I thought you couldn’t be any more fucking beautiful… you just had to go and take hold of some of me,” he whimpered playfully, watching my eyes hood closed as he rolled one nipple between his fingers and spread his other hand over the growing swell of my bump.

“Yes… that’s good–oh fuck, Rex…” I mewled, melting into his touch as he caressed any part of my torso he could get his hands on. “Everything about you right now is driving me crazy.” I moved my hands to grip his arm, trying to spur him into going a little lower where the unrelenting pounding was taking root.

“Tell you what… how about I get all this off, we both get in that hot spring tub and I touch wherever you need me to. Sound good, my love?” he offered, his hands slipping past the waistband of my bottoms to begin tugging them down my thighs. He paused as he leaned down to help me step out of my pants and turned me to take one of my breasts in his calloused hand, his tongue flicking over the nipple and making me whine at the contact.

“Rex! Strip and get me in that spring before I faint. I’m–ah!–so sensitive right now… everything you’re doing feels so good it hurts,” I explained, my hand flying up to support the back of his head and tugging at his blonde curls gently. I smiled happily at the rush of pleasure racing to my core. With my pants and underwear around my ankles, he released my breast with a lewd pop and used this momentary break to step back and glance over me.

“Fuck–bend over,” he ordered, pulling his shirt off his back and tossing it into the pile of clothes on the floor.

I obliged, leaning onto the counter and pressing my enlarged breasts into the cool stone.. I shivered as his hands softly traced down the dips in my back, pulling both sides of my ass apart to get a good look at my center. He chuffed softly, running a fingertip up my inner thigh. 

“You’re so wet it’s dripping down your thighs, mesh’la.” He collected it on his digits and popped a finger into his mouth, groaning in delight as he stepped out of his pants. “Get in there before I take you right fucking here,” he instructed with a playful slap to my right cheek.

I spun around to give him a once over and bit my lip at the sight of his growing length. “You know that’s why I’m like this… you’re sexy,” I giggled, my gaze flicking down to the part of him I knew better than anyone and smirking teasingly. 

Rex shook his head and stepped forward, resting his hands on my hip bones as he walked us both over to the steaming hot pool. “And that mouth of yours is why I’m like this.” He laughed, lifting me up and helping me step in. The water wasn’t much of a relief, the simmering warmth wrapping around my already overheated body as I settled down in it.

Steam plumed upwards off the glimmering pool's surface, now broken as it swirled around my every curve. I sat back, dunking my shoulders under the warmth and relishing in the sensation of water rippling around me.

Rex followed behind, his large biceps caging me in as he dragged my body back into his broad chest. I tipped my head back to rest on his shoulder, grabbing his forearm curling around me protectively. His body brushing against mine in any facet was making me tremble with an excitement I hadn’t felt since the first time we slept together.

He reached up to hold my chin in his fingers, leaning over to press our lips together and roll his tongue along mine slowly. Every gasping inhale was like breathing in pure arousal, making me moan in his mouth as it dissolved into pleasure spreading throughout my body. I broke the kiss, my jaw slack and my chest heaving as more heat rolled down to drip into my core. He buried his face in the space behind my ear, brushing my hair aside and speaking filth in deep whispers. “Where do you need me, ner mesh’la? I’m here for you.”

“Everywhere. Anywhere. Just want to feel you on me. Know you’re there,” I gasped, feeling his laugh behind my back as he relished in my desperation for him. He ghosted his knuckles over my cheekbone affectionately to remind me what this was all for before he eased his palms down my shoulders.

“Always here. For both of you. I promise,” he muttered, his hands coming to rest on my belly. “You’re so fucking strong,” he breathed, bumping my jaw with his nose, kissing along my pulse point, and letting his touch travel back up to my breasts. “So resilient, bold, smart… carrying my little one and looking so beautiful. I am the luckiest man alive, and I am proud to call you mine.” He paused between words to suck at the soft skin on my neck, hard enough to break blood vessels and distract me from the tension in my core.

He wasn’t doing anything to break the tension, but his words were slowing the rhythm, allowing me to focus on something else besides the overwhelming need tearing my body apart. I blushed as if his words were more intimate and exposing than being laid bare before him. “Is this supposed to make me want to fuck you less? Because you’re not accomplishing that very well with flattery.”

“If you’re feeling sane enough to be bratty, then I’d say it’s working.” He nipped my collarbone softly, making me jump and slap his arm playfully. “Smart mouth. Let me catch up to you and then we’ll see how much you feel like talking.” His cock twitched against my back, his love of being in charge was always the fastest way to turn him on. I moved to rest my head on his shoulder, letting him look into my eyes as he touched me.

His firm grip on my breasts made my breath hitch in my chest, his devilish smirk and fire igniting in his doting gaze signaled that he knew exactly what he was doing trying to light me up again, but slowly this time. “I want to fuck these so bad… you’re a dream for a boobs guy like me, you know? Gonna let me do that someday soon, pretty girl?” He flicked my nipple with his index finger, the bud pebbling up and making static erupt beneath his touch.

I swallowed hard, my hips bucking in response and my backside rubbing against his cock gently. “Fuck–mmmmm… mhmm. Can do whatever you want to me. You know that,” I groaned in frustration, wishing he would sink himself as deep inside me as I craved. The water encircling us both rippled and swirled around with our every movement, the blistering heat adding just another layer of pleasure to my already overwhelmed body. 

“I do,” He muttered softly. “I’ve got a whole list of things I know you like. Using binders, riding my cock, being edged… oh, you love that, don't you?” His listing every profane memory we had together was making the pressure in my core throb even more, and he knew it. The longer he worked me up, the better and more satisfying the result would be later on. Rex was more than a pro at this by now.

“Aren’t those all things you like?” I shot back, reaching to grip his muscular sides and dig my nails into his flesh. I could feel his heart beating into my back, racing to keep up with the desire rushing through his veins. 

He dipped down, his lips pressed to my collarbone softly trailing along the length of it carefully while his fingers pulled and tugged at both nipples. “‘Course. Especially with you,” he smirked against my skin. “Now are you going to tell me what you need? What feels good?” he whispered, his stubble tickling me as his jaw worked to place kisses following his every word.

I huffed impatiently, whimpering as he slid out from behind me, warm water swirling in to take his place. “Rex… you know what I want. You know where I need you.” I inhaled sharply as he interrupted my complaints with his lips wrapped around my nipple, his tongue swirling across the node. He hummed in a mix of pleasure and amusement, his expertise when it came to me enough to make him a little bit cocky.

“I know, mesh’la. But now you’ve got me all riled up, too, and you look far too pretty like this for me to give in this easily.” He looked up, guiding himself back up my body and tipping my chin up between his fingers. “I want to run my fingers through you, taste you, and fuck that pretty pussy until that ache goes away. I’ll do anything for my perfect girl.”

I couldn’t contain the wide smile that spread across my face. “I love you.” I leaned in to capture his lips with mine, passionately entwining us as the pressure became too much for me not to act on. I rocked into him and he sat back again, spreading my legs as I eased onto the width of his thigh.

His gaze trailed up my body, watching the delight on my face as I began chasing my pleasure by grinding against him. He huffed softly, his palm resting on the small of my back to maneuver me gently. “Feels good, huh?” His opposite hand smoothed up the curve of my side and messaged my breast. “You look so beautiful. Even when you’re being such a fucking tease.”

I smiled, both as a playfully bold response to his words and because the slowly building friction on my clit was finally starting to slightly soothe the ache. I glanced down at where his cock throbbed against my thigh, and I wrapped my hand lightly around him. “Oh please, you clearly love being teased, Captain.”

He hissed softly, his fingertips tracing up my spine as he tucked me further into his torso. “Then tease, mesh’la. Overwhelm me,” he whispered seductively, following it with a throaty moan that made my head spin. 

The sticky skin-to-skin contact had us both entranced in the simmering tension. When I moved my hips against his thigh, I brushed his cock gently. Every movement from one affected the other until we were so wound tight with pleasure teetering on the edge between us that we couldn’t take it anymore.

Rex’s kisses slid hot and wet against my steam-covered skin and every buck of my hips sent him slipping over to some untouched part of me. Pleasure pricked every exposed inch of my skin, and his soft moans and words of encouragement spurred things faster. All we did was rub, touch, and writhe until both of us were whipped into a tantalizing frenzy. His weighted palms traveled up my back, into my hair, down my sides, and on top of my thighs, and I gripped his biceps to hold myself steady against him.

I was far too impatient to keep up this pace with the powerful rush of imbalanced hormones fueling me, so I dug into his shoulder and relaxed into his lap, easing over to center myself on top of him. “Take me, Rex. Now… right now,” I begged, resting my hands on either side of his face and forcing his eyes up to meet mine.

A filthy, devilish smirk split his lips and we were in the air in one swift motion. He supported me in one hand and splashed us out of the hot spring. Making his way over to a tall mirrored wall, he reached over to the counter and grabbed one of the natural oils that had been left for us to use. He set me on my feet in front of my reflection and laid a few towels below to cushion us before sitting down. “C’mere mesh’la.” 

I followed, seating myself between his thighs and tipping my head back to watch his beautiful eyes. With one hand he screwed the top off the slightly spicy-scented oil and tipped it into his palm. He guided his other hand to gently wrap around my neck and swallowed my whispered moan of his name in a kiss.

My reflection in the mirror was a sight; my hair was a tousled mess from where he’d gripped it earlier, my eyes blown out with maddening lust so powerful it made my vision blurry, and my lips swollen from passionate kisses. His deep, mesmerizing brown gaze was fixed on me in the mirror, and my naked, dripping body was now shining in oil and covered in slight purple bruises–ones he always smoothed over with a roll of his tongue. 

“Look at me. I want you to watch what I do to you.” One of his oil-covered hands turned my face to look into the mirror while the other traveled down my belly, over my hip, and turned inward as he grazed my thigh. “Do you like being so filthy for me?” he groaned softly in my ear as I writhed in his slippery grip, cocking an eyebrow and prompting me for an answer.

I dipped my head down and suckled his thumb into my mouth, not caring about the slick sensation of the tasteless oil on my tongue. I felt him shudder behind me as he watched the plush of my lips encircle his thick digit, but before I had a chance to tease him with my tongue, he pried my mouth open and held me there. 

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’”

“Mhmm. I love to watch you work me up, to feel your hands on me and your cock ready for me, Captain. You can’t resist me when I’m bold,” I giggled, and he rewarded my response with another laving warm pass of his tongue in the space beneath my ear. “I want your fingers,” I whined as his hands pushed my thighs apart painfully slowly.

“I know you do. I can feel how much you want me, mesh’la. You impatient little minx… you want my fingers in the heat of your gorgeous pussy,” he muttered, his index finger tracing the most deliberate and agonizingly slow circle on my clit. I tipped my head back as a moan ripped through me, my breasts rising and falling as I tried to catch my breath to keep up with his pace. “Fuuuck… you’re wet.” A wry, suggestive smirk reached his eyes, smoldering with passion while he watched my hypersensitive body react.

“It’s torture. B-but it feels… feels so good. More, baby. More. Want you inside. Rex, I want–” A truly indecent thought came to mind as my hormone-fueled lust overtook my sanity. I brought my knees higher, angling my center for a perfect view in the mirror and watching myself unfold illicitly. Rex’s cock throbbed into my back at the sight of me presenting myself so willingly and obscenely for his taking. He whimpered quietly, his mind probably running three steps ahead in his fantasy, knowing he’d be the only one to ever see me this way.

“What do you want, my pretty girl? Hmm? What can I do to make you mine all over again?” he asked with renewed desperation. Even he was beginning to lose self-control in this compromised position.

“Hold me open. Make me watch myself come on your fingers, Rex, please,” I begged, my hole contracting involuntarily as my arousal took on a life of its own. I watched his eyes roll back in delight, his circling touch on my clit inching ever closer to my aching core. “Now. Please!” I begged again, curling my fingers around his wrist settled between my legs.

“Oh, fuck–mesh’la… like this?” His lips latched onto my neck, his eyes glued to where he let his thumb and middle finger hold my slick folds open. 

My breathing stuttered as a rush of cool air blew chills through my heat and made my entrance flex. More slick dripped down to glisten in my slit, making Rex let out an audible and sinful moan.

 “Look at you… look how much your pretty pussy needs it. You need my cock so fucking bad.”

I could do nothing but hold onto his wrist with one hand and hold myself upright in position with the other. Rex’s fingertips rubbed through the wetness coating me from his drawn-out torture, and the two thickest digits on his opposite hand slipped through my soaked opening with ease. I cried out, a high-pitched, melodic whine filling the cavernous refresher room, and it made Rex emit a low grunt to harmonize with mine beautifully. “Rex, oh yes… that’s it.”

“Yeah? Does that help, ner mesh’la? You’re wound tight, but you’re doing so well for me.” He gently pressed his fingers within me to the knuckle and flexed them against my wet, collapsing walls. With his chest pressed against my back and biceps wrapped around me, he trapped me in the perfect comfort of his grasp. Slowly, he hooked his ankles over mine, holding my legs in place to prevent me from squirming while he worked my insides into a frenzy.

I could barely form words as the molten heat inside me boiled over into his hands. Each curl of his fingertips into the plush of my core made desire sear hotter in my lower belly, and the recoil was so strong it made me arch my back and buck my hips into him for more. I bit my lip to hold back screams that would only carry the sound of his name into the echoing cavern. “Rex, yes. Yes, that helps. F-fuck it's so good, baby. Deeper. Mmmf, you’re so… so good with your hands.”

A cocky smirk drew against my jaw as he padded up against the front of my walls, and I let out a strangled yelp. “I know,” he cooed, nuzzling my cheek with the bridge of his nose to urge me to keep my eyes on the mirror. “Watch, mesh’la. Gonna make you cum just like this. Then I’ll let you lick it off my fingers while I take you apart with my cock. How’s that sound?” 

He slid his fingers out painfully slowly, the wet shlicking sound making him groan. A thin trail of my wetness connected me to the space between his fingers. His hot exhales fanned my cheek as he rested his temple against mine, leaning in every so often to dot sloppy kisses along my sweat-slick skin.

“Yes, Rex. That’s p-perfect. Exactly what I need. You always know. Know me so well, my love.”

I reached behind to dig my fingers into his lengthening blonde curls, leaning him into a weighted, desperate kiss. Saliva slid sticky and sweet between our twisting tongues, and I moaned into his mouth as he curled two fingers back inside me. He relentlessly pressed up on that delightfully sensitive spongy spot at the shallow front of my walls and flicked at my clit with the pad of his thumb. I broke the kiss to inhale sharply, gazing back at my reflection in the mirror while the squelching sounds of him finger fucking me got louder and more obscene. 

He sucked at the juncture of my neck and jaw and swore incoherently as I began to spasm around him. “You’re so close. Can feel it, almost there. Little more. You can do it. Cum for me… all over me. C’mon, ner mesh’la,” he encouraged, maneuvering his wrist faster and increasing the unbearable pressure to a level I could no longer take. 

“Rex! I’m gonna–REX!” Heat drained down my body and released at my core, the ensnaring warmth having nowhere to go but out as my walls collapsed around his thick fingers. 

“There you go… oh, yes, fuck–look at that. That’s my good girl,” he rasped, his palm, wrist, and forearm drenched in my release. I trembled as the pleasure burst through me, desperate high-pitched moans swallowed by his all-consuming kisses. The pleasure was like an endless wave rolling through me, taking its time ripping through the agonizing carnal desire that had been plaguing me all day. 

Rex’s powerful legs against mine held me open as I watched my opening ripple obscenely. He whispered tender words of adoration as the tension wracking my frame finally started to recede. “My girl… so gorgeous when she cums for me. Let it all out just for me. I know how to make you feel so good, don’t I? Is that what my love does to you? Made this pretty little pussy all mine already.”

I panted and muttered soft agreements, letting my body collapse back into his and feeling his arms wrap protectively around me. “How… did you do… that?” I gasped, giggling as he kissed tears of ecstasy off my cheeks. My fingers laced with his on my belly, and I rubbed up against his cock, wet precum definitely smearing along the small of my back.

“I’m good with my hands, remember?” he teased, walking his fingers up my torso until they were enticingly dangling in front of my lips. 

I tipped my head back on his shoulder and laughed as I tried to catch my breath. My eyes followed his gaze in the mirror, seductively admiring the sight of me naked, sweaty, and writhing against him. 

“Now clean up this mess you made before I split you apart this time.” He offered his fingers, brushing them against my lower lip and coating it with my own slick.

I swirled my tongue around his middle digit and suckled it inside the wet cavern of my mouth. I swallowed the sweet tang of my release and wrapped my lips around him tightly, mimicking what I’d do to his cock if it wasn’t inconveniently positioned behind me. He was way too far gone already to last that kind of torture by now anyways. I could feel him slotted between my cheeks, pounding and anxiously waiting for his turn to feel bliss. 

Slowly, I sat forward, lifting my hips and teasing him with either side of my ass. He grunted, tipping his head down to watch himself slide slickly between me. I popped off his fingers lewdly and his hand immediately captured my hip bone, starting to maneuver my center to his liking. “Want me to ride you, Captain? Just like this? Now that I’m all soaked and ready for your cock?” I teased devilishly, dragging my nails up his thighs and grinning wickedly at him in the mirror.

“Oh yeah, I do. Mesh’la, I want to fuck you so bad and watch you bounce on me… so fucking hot,” Rex rasped, his gravelly tone dropping harshly as his lust overtook him. Deep moans spread through his chest as his hands explored what he could only see through our reflections. He pressed my tits together roughly, kneading them in both his strong hands as I twisted my bottom half against his rock-hard cock.

“You want this pussy, Captain?” I mocked, lifting my hips up just enough to slide his cock between my drenched lips explicitly. He moaned my name in confirmation and his hands gripped at the plush of my hips to move me faster. “Then come and take what’s already yours, Rex,” I offered, slowing my rolling hips as his tip neared my entrance. “Show me why you own me.”

In seconds, Rex thrust himself inside, pushing my swollen walls apart again with a loud shout. I threw my head back and my jaw dropped, the width of his throbbing cock beating against the aching knot in my core with deliciously painful satisfaction. He could reach exactly where the burning desire took root every single time, without fail. I flailed wildly for something to hold onto and found purchase again on the tops of his muscular thighs. We sat pressed together for what felt like forever, neither one of us strong enough to begin any semblance of a rhythm when being sealed together so tightly already felt this good.

Rex rolled his hips up first, his cock bottoming out easily inside the space that was quickly becoming too small to contain him. Every bump of his tip against my deepest spot made me squeal in pleasure. He snickered tauntingly, knowing full well how easy it was for him to bring me to another high just by pressing himself into me this deeply. “That’s the spot, mesh’la, I know it is. Just fucked you apart once and you’re still so fucking tight. You needed my cock. Is that it? I can reach where no one else can. That’s why you’re all mine.” 

“Yes, Rex. You’re right there, right where I want you. Where it hurts. Where I need you to fuck until it feels better. Please,” I begged, lifting my hips and rotating them as I started grinding down on him desperately. “Your cock… it's all I ever want. Rex!” I could feel his fingers starting to circle my clit again, still sensitive from being played with so mercilessly once already. Pressure mounted in between my thighs and heat swelled through every part of my body all over again.

Rex helped guide my hips on him at the speed he liked, and he watched himself disappear inside me in the mirror with every bounce on his cock. “I could fuck you like this forever. Till the end of my fucking days. I want to watch you drain my fucking cock, mesh’la. Look so good taking all of me… feel s-so good. I want to fill you full of me. Bouncing this perfect ass on me while you take every inch of me…” He leaned back and rested on his forearms to get a better look, slapping my right cheek roughly every time I slid up to the tip.

“Whenever you want, Captain. You can have all of me. Always. Fuck… Rex… fuck me. I want to cum again on your cock,” I pleaded, tossing my hair behind me and feeling him twirl it into the grip of his left hand. I rode him faster, the length of him spearing into my spot in a blinding hot mix of pleasure and pain. I moaned loudly, the echoes of his name filling the cavern and rippling the calm surface of the hot spring. Skin slapping skin lewdly filled my ears and Rex’s low moans of pleasure spurred me on faster. 

His breathing became harsher and harsher, his sworn words of pleasure hitching in his throat as higher-pitched whines took their place. I didn’t relent, feeling his circles on my clit speed up as the tingling of my nerves blended with the tightly wound knot simmering in my belly. 

His cock jumped and he sat up on instinct, clutching me to him and seating me firmly into his lap as he felt white hot pleasure bubbling up within him. “Oh fuck–mesh’la… I’m gonna cum. I want to fill you so deep and watch it spill out… leak out that pretty pussy. Make a mess of my perfect dirty girl. Fuck... fuck cum on my cock… cum with me, my love… fuuuck–” he rambled, kissing up my neck and groaning deeply in my ear, the reflection of his dark eyes meeting mine.

His twisting circles on my clit sped up tenfold to catch me up, and I gasped feeling the pleasure ignite inside my core. I reached behind me to grip him by the hair and pulled tightly as he rocketed my nerves over the edge into overstimulation. I could do nothing but bite my lip to hold back the scream as my second orgasm exploded into stardust that radiated through my body. My walls pulsed around him at the same time he sent ropes of wet heat erupting into the deepest depths of my belly. I gripped his throbbing cock in the vice of my walls and held on tight as we both writhed in unison.

“Rex… Rex… Rex… Reeex–” I sputtered as pleasure seemed to take turns making its way through both of our bodies. His cock throbbed over and over, pass after pass filling up the emptiness inside more than there could ever be space to contain. My grip on him wouldn’t lessen as the fantastic high swirled through the blood in my veins, finally extinguishing the torturous hormone-crazed lust in my core.

He panted in my ear, doing his best to keep it going as we both toppled down from an overwhelming high. “I’m here, mesh’la. Fuck… I’ve got you.” He relaxed and dropped his thighs open, releasing the bind they had on mine and letting me fall open in front of him. I groaned as his cock slid out and the swirling streams of his release spilled out like a slow leak from my still-spasming hole. It dripped to the floor below and made his eyes roll back in his head as he watched it continue to coat the inside of my folds.

“See? That’s… all yours… baby. Always yours to fill like this whenever you want,” I whimpered through my blissed-out haze, feeling it spill onto my inner thighs. 

“You’re so fucking… filthy. Gods, I fucking love you. I love you,” he said incredulously, kissing up my neck, along my jaw, and across my cheeks until he reached my lips. “You’ve gotta feel better now, darling, because… clearly… I’m spent… you milked me dry, gorgeous.”

I hummed happily, melting into his grasp and holding his hands now wrapping around my waist. “I’m better now. So much better.” I tipped my head back to rest on his shoulder and nuzzled my face into his neck. He tenderly spread his fingers on the swell of my little bump, perhaps trying to feel for any more flutters. “Maybe now I can finally sleep.”

Before I knew it, I was being cleaned with a washcloth and scooped into his arms while I faded on the edge of consciousness. For the first time in ages, my body felt calm and boneless, my every nerve ending satisfied. He relaxed me the best way he knew how, and I was so at ease I could finally close my eyes and settle beside him in bed.

The sheets were soft and cool compared to the muggy spa room, and the smell of Rex’s clean, woodsy scent flooded my nose. He curled me into his side, both his arms hugging me into him protectively. 

It felt like all of us could finally rest for the first time in weeks, knowing we were in a safe place surrounded by more free brothers than Rex and I had seen in a long time. We were all on the same side–all of us committing to fighting for something better for the clones, for Ryloth, and for family.

I spent the next few minutes relishing in the sweet, peaceful sounds of nature of Ryloth’s night. Plants rustled in the breeze just outside a window-shaped opening in the cavern walls and nocturnal creatures sang to each other as they thrived when the rest of the planet slept. Rex’s breathing soon steadied beneath my cheek, and I drifted off shortly after, falling impossibly deeper in love with him to the sound of his breathing.

--

Notes: hi there :) it's been awhile. the last few chapters have been tough and emotional, even on me to write. so i figured what better way to give us all a break than to let our faves get some. ps that includes some bonus works coming soon for both wolffe and gregor's sexcapades during this chapter ;) a big massive wonderful special thank you to erin for being the best beta reader and friend ever

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[hearts4akitoya]

Ok ok specific akitoya analysis with the “Waiting for you card”

(bare with me this is from like dec 2021 or jan 2022 i found it in my notes and its probably outdated and wrong by now also the story was only out on jp and the card name was different)

In the card illustration, you see Akito sitting in front of a piano (symbolizing Toya's upbringing) with a somber expression on his face. Paired with the card title "Waiting for That Day to Come", Akito is essentially waiting for the day that Toya is able to break free from the cycle of abuse he faced during his childhood and be himself.

Toya grew up in an abusive household that refused to let him pursue his own passions and binded him to classical music, stopping him from truly being understood and treated like an individual. Although he did rebel against his father and pursue street music, he had still had unresolved, lingering feelings of guilt from being unable to fully confront his father and get that personal closure. Toya never truly understood his father's motivations for why he had been treated the way he was, and he would still come into conflict with his father every single day. Because of this, Toya was never able to unleash his true potential in his singing, because he was subconsciously holding back.

Ever since Akito met Toya, he's been aware of Toya's family situation and has tried to support him the best he could. Together, they trained from the bottom up and made a big name for themselves in the street music community. This part of their relationship being recontexualized in Stray Bad Dog just makes it hurt even more because of Akito's inferiority complex, how he felt so talentless compared to those around him, and how he had to put in that much more effort just to stand on equal footing with Toya because of how badly he wanted to stay by Toya's side. This also does parallel the VBS main story in how Toya felt that his resolve wasn't firm enough and he wasn't worthy enough to remain as Akito's partner. Both of them felt like they weren't good enough to stand by each other's side despite wanting to more than anything.

Akito has acted as this pillar of support for Toya since the day they met, but Toya is the type of person to keep everything bottled up inside and he never truly opened up everything about his family to Akito, which is why he had so many of those unresolved feelings about the abuse he faced. He was still subconsciously holding back from fully expressing himself and what he truly feels, both to Akito and his father.

This card illustration is a CG in episode 7 of Period of Nocturne. Toya, after finally confronting his father, starts to come to understand his father's motives and achieves the personal closure that he had always desired. In this live event, Toya was finally able to be himself and sing to his full potential and Akito was totally blown away so he hugs Toya back stage and starts ruffling his hair (holy shit this illustration is so gay).

The day Akito had been waiting for the entire time had finally come. Toya was able to overcome his father and start to truly live his life the way he should have from the start, by spending time with the people he cares about most and doing what he loves.

ALSO NOT PART OF THE ANALYSIS BUT,

In the next chapter An pokes fun at Akito and tells him how she witnessed Akito being the most excited out of all of them and ruffling Toya's hair akito got embarrassed and was blushing.

In conclusion? Akitoya canon

[petpluto]

I think it’s narratively interesting - if sad - how Angel leaves Buffy to give her a chance to have a full life, and she becomes progressively more isolated - even from her best friends and family - as the series goes on; whereas Angel, who has been isolated except for his relationship with Buffy for decades, gains a found family with multiple levels of emotional connection and growth after he leaves.

In all honesty, while I will always love Angel and Buffy and Angel’s relationship, it’s one of my aggravations with his reasoning for leaving. If he’d left because the relationship was hurting *him* (and I believe in some ways it was, at that point), I would think it was tragic and beautiful. But leaving for *her*, ignoring her wants and needs and removing one of the few people Buffy truly felt comfortable opening up to and being vulnerable with, ends with Buffy having fewer options in her emotional tool belt and feeling as if she is the part of their relationship that was the freak show.

Buffy felt comfortable opening up completely to Angel because Angel makes it clear to Buffy that he loves her, all of her, always, in ways her other long term emotional support pillars don’t always manage to articulate (even if they feel the same). She’s Xander’s hero, and Xander *can* and has been judgmental, so she’s not always comfortable being vulnerable in all aspects of her life with him. She and Willow are close, and Willow isn’t judgmental, but it does seem like Buffy feels the need to be alright for her, especially when she’s spiraling in season 6. She doesn’t want any emotions she has from Willow’s actions to hurt *Willow*, and she prioritizes protecting Willow over being honest with her. Dawn is her dependent. And Giles? She opens up to him and he leaves anyway.

And I think in a majority of these situations, Buffy would be better off being honest - or, in the case of Dawn, more if not entirely honest - with her loved ones. Xander can be judgmental, but he makes it clear in season 5’s Intervention that he can be empathetic and kind, and that his primary concern when it comes to Buffy is Buffy’s health and happiness. Willow is going through her own problems in season 6; but in general, she is also open and empathetic and kind, and her primary concern when it comes to Buffy is also her health and happiness. Buffy puts up these walls because she feels responsible for her friends’ emotional responses, and I do think part of that is her feelings of guilt stemming from her parents’ divorce ( her ‘father’s’ monologue in Nightmares is both horrific and a bit funny); and then Angelus’ murders; and then Angel’s and Riley’s (and then Giles’) exits from her life. Because the people she’s opened up to leave, she becomes convinced that she loses people when she shows them her imperfections and her flaws and her hurts.

Angel gains friends and family once he leaves Sunnydale. He doesn’t always open up to them, and he makes a lot of questionable decisions, but his world expands considerably post-break up. I love that for him. And it’s not on him or his issue to fix, either, but I do ache for Buffy that her circles get smaller and seem more brittle as the seasons go on.

[distort-opia]

oh now im intrigued by your thoughts on who are bruce’s best friends in your opinions 👀

...You know, in the end, I think it actually might be Alfred. And that's because, if you think about it at length, Bruce has not had ONE SINGLE FRIEND who hasn't either 1) betrayed him, 2) attacked him/tried to kill him, or 3) both. And that's leaving aside the friends he had as a kid who died.

Thomas Elliot? Steals his face and tries to kill him. Harvey Dent? Gets disfigured and becomes a villain and tries to kill him. Then you've got Clark Kent and Minhkhoa Khan, but both have physically fought Bruce and tried to kill him. In Clark's case it was under the effects of mind control or kryptonite or whatever, but it happened. It's arguable how different actions Clark participated in were considered a personal betrayal by Bruce (e.g., the infamous JLA decision to wipe Bruce's memory, or Clark taking on Bruce's memories post Superman: Emperor Joker). Which brings me to Zatanna, perhaps the only childhood/teenage years friend Bruce has who hasn't tried to kill him, but who did deeply betray him (again, the mind wipe incident). There's even that one time Bruce thought he made a new vigilante friend in Baphomet, but actually it was Onomatopoeia (a villain who betrays him).

And it isn't just friends, at the end of the day. Bruce has physically fought off attacks from almost everyone he's ever cared about. His most important romantic relationships are with villainous women (e.g., Talia al Ghul, Selina Kyle), and he's fought members of the Family too more than once (that is, if he didn't just hit them in a moment of anger). It is striking, to be honest, how deeply defined by violence Bruce's world is; not just because he fights criminals and villains, but because his deepest interpersonal relationships also contain violence. It's so familiar to him it's probably a comfort. King did understand this very well about the character, especially in his Knightmares story arc.

Um. I ended up on a tangent, but I think my point is that it's difficult to name a best friend for Bruce. I still feel as if labeling Alfred as a best friend is... not entirely accurate, because he's so many other things to Bruce. Alfred raised him, he's an incredibly important pillar of support, and yet he's also an employee, someone who gets his paycheck from Bruce. I would still say that Alfred is the person Bruce trusts the most, and the most supportive relationship Bruce has ever had. Alternatively, I guess one could say his best friend is Clark Kent, but Bruce has shown time and time again that he's unable to let go of the hero worship and the wariness he has of Clark's powers. And I guess you could say it's Dick Grayson, but similarly to Bruce's relationship to Alfred, there's a bigger element there of mentorship and being a father figure. Jim Gordon is definitely a friend, but their dynamic is defined by "work", by their crusade against crime...

Well. In the end, it's that fascinating pattern in Bruce's choices, I suppose. He's a very lonely individual who is terrified of loss and being vulnerable to others, but not enough that he doesn't surround himself with people who love him; he's just rarely able to cross the wall he puts between himself and them. This wall can vary from one relationship to another, but a power differential tends to be a core reason; master-butler, father-son, leader-soldier, squishy-human vs overpowered-alien, hero-villain.

[uummyuu]

the azul headcanons

big strong man that the show really doesn't utilize enough... wish we had more knowledge on the other members' names though :((

although de los santos is the only one who outright states he's aztec, i'd like to think the entire team is of aztec descent in some way.

anyways fun fact about aztec tattoos, they're usually designed to honor a chosen god so that they may provide blessings of prosperity, strength, health, etc. i don't want to look too deep on what was probably a tattoo designed on whim but it seems pretty close to the aztec calendar? or an iteration of the aztec sun god huitzilopochtli, the interpretation is very vague.

if we go by the thought that this is a tattoo of the aztec calendar, the tattoo itself could mean eternity and connection. de los santos in the show itself kind of rues the fact that what was once his home is now simply brushed of as the forgotten city or something to be left in the history books. with this tattoo it's his way of keeping his home and his friends by his side forever.

but also a tattoo of huitzilopochtli can symbolize power as well as sacrifice. some tattoos of the sun god are stylized to just be the sun with the god's face on it(although typically depicted with 8 rays instead of the weird 13 on his tattoo). santos' power is never understated in the show and his tattoo could be a testament to that.

the other members probably have their tattoos either on their chest or back to keep them out of sight, probably eagles to symbolize power and bravery, or maybe even a literal quetzlcoatl to symbolize wisdom. aspects that would be useful on the playing field.

anyways please see my vision of de los santos with a whole extensive aztec back tattoo on him

ok back to your regularly scheduled program, santos has bench pressed the entire team on his back once and it was recorded somewhere. the video resurfaces on natter everytime the azul play a game.

i read in a 4-panel comic that klaus actually has santos' jersey? i'll try and find it but anyways if some lucky fan manages to get it congrats you basically have a new blanket, that shirt is huge. (or if he has a tiny s/o who he loves smothering in his clothing i dunno 👀)

overall i'd like to think the team is just one big family, they have shared ancestry and that solidifies the bond they share with each other even if they aren't exactly related.

the other team members worry about santos taking on too much, with his reputation as an extremely difficult goalkeeper to get past when he does lose a point to the opposition it hits him hard. so the team does their best to pull their own weight, they want to have santos' back as much as he watches theirs.

de los santos is very much a protector type, i don't think he'd be the azul's captain, but he's definitely a pillar of support and morale for the team. (kind of a big bo and dancing rasta dynamic?)

the team definitely worries about relying on santos too much, but in reality santos likes being reliable and strong in the eyes of others, he longs to be needed so he doesn't end up as "forgotten" just like his home did.

honestly these guys probably try to keep out of the media too, but when they do get on an interview other than talking about the game they love talking about their culture. as "exotic" and "forgotten" it may seem to interviewers, to the team it's merely the childhood memories that link them all together. even if the city itself no longer stands.

i'm gonna make de los santos dating headcanons one day i swear because i have so much more to say about him—

[tell-talesignsof-awkward]

What are your thoughts of Bea losing hope and her faith in religion in second half of season 2? As Ava mentioned, she wouldn’t have before.

Also did think it was unfair that she lashed out on Ava and told her to run.

Hm maybe if you can, could you please provide your thoughts on that entire conversation and her character arc from episode 7-8? I simply chalked it up to she lost faith in religion, but also now thinking about it…in Ava too. Your analysis of the pressure of being the next Mother Superion helps make sense of the otherwise calm Beatrice.

oh my gosh Hiiiii!! This is a cool question, and I intend to fully infodump about it.

Beatrice hits a horrible crossroads in ep 6 when she sabotaged Adriel’s meeting with Miguel’s titty bomb by just rugby-tackling the love of her life to keep her from being impulsively selfless. 

Bea’s method of surviving the trauma she’s experienced up to this point is to put all of the parts of her that wouldn’t otherwise make it into a series of tiny boxes to be reopened in a kinder/safer world probably never lol. Up till now, the sacrifices she’s been required to make to survive/in her line of work were either something she had the space/support to come to terms with, or were within her capacity to give freely. Suddenly, Shannon’s gone. Lilith’s gone. Vincent’s a traitor. Mary’s gone. Their headquarters are compromised. The angel who inspired her sect isn’t even an angel and is also a dirtbag. All of the pillars of her existence have crumbled into ash, except the Warrior Nun. If she can keep Ava alive, something about her life is still worth it. She can still be Good, and Useful, and the version of herself she needs to be in order to be the leader she’s destined to become. The world she can she see will still be at least somewhat recognizable. There’s still a world in which she and Ava have a shot at falling in love. Now the world is demanding she rip up that final shining part of herself, and in the moment, she balks. She lets Vincent take the Crown and puts her body between the bomb and the detonator.

This is a fucked up thing for Bea to try and reconcile with in the aftermath, and because she’s human instead of the avatar of Duty and Responsibility she believes herself to be, she handles it badly and has a meltdown in Ava’s direction about it. I don’t think she means pretty much any of what she’s saying, and it fits the pattern of the conflicts they’ve had earlier in the season. Beatrice and Ava do have this kind of established conflict pattern of “my feelings are deeply hurt but I cannot fully voice everything” which devolves into hurting each other’s feelings back and forth a bit until someone gets to the crux of the issue, they Actually Talk, and they tenderly make up. The problem this time is: 

the crux of the issue is that Ava received a message from Maybe-God telling her to blow herself up to save the world

Beatrice’s final straw is Ava

There’s no time to circle back to making up, the world’s about to freakin end

Ava even spots the pattern and throws her a bone with the offer to run away, but it doesn’t matter in the end. Bea’s repeatedly stated that she cannot watch Ava die, and to have Ava essentially state her intentions to hand-detonate a bomb in an angel’s face is more than she can handle. In that moment, she’s screaming from her most vulnerable self for Ava to be selfish for her, but they’ve both run out of steam to keep outpacing reality. The cozy bubble that formed over them in the Alps - and even before that during their Halo training - finally pops, and the rift it creates between them is almost uncrossable. Beatrice is bereft, adrift, and has finally run out of pieces of herself to give.

She gave the OCS and the Church her life, her friends, her family, her hopes and dreams, her body, and not a small amount of cognitive dissonance. Having to hand over a fleeting glimpse of what could be is her breaking point, and she doesn’t even get a say in handing it over. 

I don’t think she’ll break Catholic forever, by any means, but my girl Beatrice is in dire need of a gay sabbatical and a damn nap. Also, a gay sabbatical comes with a class on communicating your feelings lol

[raayllum]

AU concept: King Callum

The assassination was successful for whatever reason and both Harrow and Ezran have died. That leaves Callum as the next rightful heir. How does Callum grapple with his enormous loss and also the new weight of the crown placed on his shoulders that he was in no way expecting nor prepared for? How does Viren feel about this and what might he try and do? What’s Rayla up to (is she okay?)? Claudia? etc.

- food for thought. >:)

King or regent Callum is something I usually don't engage too much in bc it feels a lil bit too much like displacing Ezran (and he's our one dark skinned character of colour in the main cast - also i Love him too much that thinking of him being dead-dead hurts my heart) however:

It would depend on where the divergence happened. Has he already met Rayla and they've found the egg, and Ezran dies to Runaan on the battlements? (In which case I don't think much would change, i.e. Callum would still leave to bring the egg home but now it's particularly heavy because it's what Ez wanted - and he and Rayla would develop a much more like, jaded but still ride or die kind of bond? Basically S4-ish Callum but with extra layers of grief and probably more anger toward her initially because it's gotta go somewhere, and then guilt because he does like her and there are moments of happiness, etc etc)

But in a world where Ez never found the egg, two alternatives:

1) Ez dies and Callum assumes the throne as the surviving heir. Not discovering the egg means he has no reason to not trust Viren. Callum refuses to have a regent outright (the throne is all he has left of his family and he desperately wants to feel in control) but it doesn't keep Viren from whispering in his ear or from growing closer to Claudia, even as the two mages are more aware than ever that if Callum ever discovers they kept the Dragon Prince alive, he'll have their heads. Thus, Callum walks a razor's edge of being furious with Xadia, probably too cautious to launch anything full scale but maybe being willing to seriously encroach on the border and send in minimal troops, just to test things out, and become a brutal strategist child king.

He never entirely loses his good heart, of course - but he's far less trusting (ironically saving him from falling to Viren's influence entirely) and far less willing to listen to said heart (again, like S4 redux but with zero support system). I think Opeli would look after him, but he'd resent that too in a way, feeling like she's treating him like a child (which he is) but very much feels like he is not, after what he's been through

Assuming Rayla is here, I think it could go a similar route as @zuppizup's excellent fic "purgatory" of her being unknowingly imprisoned before being discovered, somehow, or escaping loosely on her own. It would certainly be a stilted alliance to begin with and a lot of lingering hurt / anger on both sides, but I do think eventually they'd come to work together in an odd sort of "almost no one else is as fucked up as we are" partnership that becomes more jovial and benevolent over time

2) Ez survives but being young and reeling from grief, Callum becomes regent in an effort to shield him. This leaves Callum with one strong pillar and still the possibility of the egg being discovered (as Ez is still familiar with the tunnels) even if past the point it was found in show. This means the role of king is probably split roughly 60% (Callum) - 40% (Ezran) between the brothers and they become their own team, even if Callum may be even more over protective with no way to ensure that people wouldn't come back for Ez. Hence why he insists on being king-regent in his brother's stead, probably, and Ez is tired and unsure enough to let him (without thinking through the full consequences, maybe). This could lead to a rift as they get older as Ezran wants to acquire more power but Callum continues to be over protective. This also means Viren has significantly less influence and is constantly tempered by Ez and Callum's influence on each other, leading to more frustration and perhaps more back handed attempts to get rid of the brothers. Perhaps an imprisoned Rayla (or an older Rayla who missed out on the first mission, and has been sent to finish the job years later as repayment) could enter the story as a surprising protector? And having to put up with Callum's sharp tongue after years of learning how to handle things diplomatically, perhaps being more back handed himself in terms of getting information, etc.

Either scenario would bring Callum's snake boi tendencies out in full though, I think 👀

There's a lot of ways it could go and these are just my first thoughts, but I hope you enjoyed 'em! I always love a good canon divergence

[honeymouthedtales]

sometimes in abo fics someone will hate their presentation and it's this huge character development plot where it (unfortunately, usually) comes from the bond or relationship with the other person in the ship. i've never, not once, taken it to heart (not even hm dh considering he did express a bit of relief and hope surrounding his situation).

but wow nothing makes me emo like iotol dh presenting as an omega. it's lost him a sister, a friend, his pride and dignity on some occasions. ugh, it's awful 😔

and i hope this doesn't come off as slutshaming (sorry if it does, not my intention) but i hate that he sleeps around. it doesn't come off as him just liking sex and casual participation in hookup culture, but rather a means so that his body doesn't punish him for not getting a knot. like wtf! and then you explained that he can't even find a regular heat partner because he runs the risk of getting his omega attached to a possible asshat who probably wouldn't introduce him to their parents and would probably use his love and attachments as tool.

like when is my boy gonna relax around someone and be dependent on them with all of himself without it being a risky move? but also i wonder, with how his life has played out since presenting, does he love/accept himself regardless of his struggles?

I'm not sure you're the first to raise this specific point but you definitely caught the root of the problem. What Donghyuck is doing is not healthy, and not because sleeping around is unhealthy, but because of his attitude towards it. Even if he convinces himself that he's doing nothing wrong, deep down he's punishing himself. Donghyuck was born in a very loving family and he definitely wants someone who cherishes him and treats him well, but he's afraid he won't ever be someone's first choice and so he doesn't even try. And sleeping around helps him physically but not mentally, mentally he feels like shit about it. He just wants to date and cuddle all the time.

As for accepting himself, I'll tell you what I told the little blossom two asks ago. Rationally, he wants to accept himself. When he talks about himself and what he does he's always very defensive, saying things like "I'm not doing anything wrong" because like I said he was raised in a family that loved him a lot and they taught him to respect himself. But sometimes he just slips and reveals that subconsciously he has very negative feelings towards himself.

His relationship with Mark is not the root of these issues, but since he lost it during a very traumatic moment it's like he couldn't find his strongest pillar when he most needed it. In the same way, Mark cannot heal him with his presence only, but he can definitely support him because he still needs it.

His sister is a problem too, because like I say his family always supported him, but his sister is also family so the way she shuns him is just a further confirmation of the negative thoughts he has. It doesn't really matter that rationally he doesn't want to be influenced by her, he still is.

When writing this fic, I just wanted to explore... idk, how sometimes things that normally wouldn't shake us, just because they happen at the wrong moment, right when we're feeling bad, they can become as heavy as boulders and change our entire personality. If you think about it rationally, getting a second gender is not such a pivotal moment, everyone has to go through it, right? At the same time fighting with your family or your best friend is also not such a defining moment in life. It's something that can happen many times. But why did they become a pivotal moment in dh's life? Everything happened at once and he felt that there was a fracture between now and before. And he couldn't go back. I think I took inspiration from things that happened in my life and caused me to change a lot, because when I think back I rationally realize none of those things were an insurmountable obstacle, but for me they became one.

I think the answer became a little too heavy, but this is why I get a little sad when people in the past dh was overreacting, because as someone who had depression I know everything becomes too hard when you feel that bad, and even if I never acknowledged it before the dh who was writing those emails to mk in ch 2-3-4 does talk like someone who is a bit depressed, so for me his actions make total sense. And to go back to the sleeping around part, it is definitely unhealthy, but this is the way he has found to cope and trick himself into thinking everything is alright. Sleeping around gives him control. He doesn't like it, but he can control it. And he can control his body as well through it. So even if it makes him feel shitty it helps him trick his thoughts into being less shitty, if it makes sense?

I'm sorry, this went too deep. I just want him to get better as well ;;