#also i lied about it being a two parter turns out i have lots to say

[mediumgayitalian]

at what point is nico too gratuitously down bad. we are about to find out 💀

[ramp-it-up]

Peach, Part IV

Peach III | Peach V

Summary: Steven Grant Rogers is Bucky Barnes' best friend and business parter in crime. He has decided to get out of the life with Bucky because it's the right thing to do. And now he is in love. With you. He wants to move forward with you and now he's got you on his turf.

Pairing: Art Dealer/Philanthopist (Mob Boss) Steve Rogers x Reader (Peach)

A/N: I love these two with my whole heart. This is turning into the slowest of burns, sorry not sorry. This fic is connected to the Bucky Barnes Knock You Down AU, and DIRECTLY AFTER the events in the Bucky Barnes fic Worth the Fall and the Steve Rogers fic Peach III. We're at the second week of December, there is still so much in my head to say. Your interaction keeps me writing, so let me know if you like it by commenting and reblogging.

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. SMUT. Read at your own risk. Angst. Slow burn, Mutual pining, idiots in love, drinking, body parts tingling, wild wild thoughts of breeding, taking each other down in various ways, and cock riding. Not Beta'd. All errors my own.

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--------

On one of your many walks along the beach, you teased your cousin about being the future Mrs. Bucky Barnes, and she tried to get you to talk about Steve, explaining some of the backstory to what happened in Atlanta.

But you were intransigent. 

“Look. I know how stubborn you are. And how tough you are, because you’ve had to be. But I also know how big your heart is and how worthy you are of love. You are passing up on the chance to find your one true love.”

You scoffed.

“Love? Everyone can’t be all starry eyed and head over heels like you and Bunny boy.”

She laughed and shook her head at your nickname for Bucky, who you’d grown to like a lot over the weekend. 

“And Steven, disguised at Grant, just wanted to get in my panties, which he achieved.”

You looked toward the waves as you thought about how Grant got you to see fireworks that night in your apartment, and the things Steve said that he wanted to do to you the other night.

“I have no doubt that Steve Rogers wants to fuck you girl. Look at you. You are fine as fuck.”

You laughed at your cousin dressing you down and gassing you up at the same time. 

“But let’s be clear. You wanted to fuck him too. You still do. I see the way you look at him.”

“Hey! I didn’t lie–”

“Ah-ah!”

She silenced you with a finger.

“I know he lied about who he was, but were you completely honest with him? Totally?”

You side eyed your cousin as you imagined strangling her. But you weren’t eleven years old anymore.

And she wasn’t wrong.

“Yes, Steve lied, but he wants to make amends. He has feelings for you.”

You gave your cousin a side eye.

“Did he tell you that? And you trust him?”

“With my life.”

She put her arm around you and pulled you close as you walked. 

“Listen, I know you are guarding your heart, but I know Steve. He’s got this exterior that seems one way, but he will surprise you. He’s a really, really good guy.”

You sighed, still not there yet.

“I’m good on that, cousin.”

“Okay. I’ll tell him that you have a heart of stone and that he should move on. It’s not like there aren’t bitches lined up to suck his dick every day in the city…”

A jolt of jealousy zipped through you, but you pushed it down. You just took a deep breath and gave her an overly bright smile. 

“I don’t care who slobs on his lil’ knob.”

She rolled her eyes at you.

“Riiggght, cousin. Anyway. You are still taking the endowment money right?”

You raised your eyebrow at her and nodded.

“Nothing is going to get in the way of this dream, cousin.”

She grinned back at you, almost as bright as the sun.

“That’s my girl! We gon’ have a time in New York City…”

—

Sunday morning before you drove back to Atlanta, you went to the kitchen just as Steve came back in from a run on the beach. The rest of the family was going to Church and then he, Bucky and your cousin were going to fly back to New York on the private jet. 

“Hey.”

He chucked his chin up at you like you were one of his bros.

The audacity. 

“Hello.”

You kept it cute as he moved around you to grab a glass to get some water from the tap. The scent of sweat, ocean air, and him wrapped around you and you inhaled deeply, closing your eyes to savor it. It was like you were lost. 

You opened your eyes to find him watching you as he downed the glass in one gulp, a drop of water escaping and rolling down his chin to his neck and disappearing into the already wet collar of his tight t-shirt.

You cleared your throat as he maintained eye contact with you and wiped his lips with his thumb, and some unseen force made you watch those thick fingers that felt you up not a month before, your nipples tight and panties wet.

Damn, this man and his effect on you.

You stared as his eyes swept down your body as if he knew what you looked like naked. He had seen you dance, and felt you up over and under your clothes, but that wasn’t what the look of possession was about. 

This man wanted you.

—-

Steve almost ran back outside when he saw you in the kitchen as he came in. He’s taken a run to calm the erection he had when he woke up because of you, and now, here you were, dressed almost exactly the same as when he had the opportunity to kiss you and make you cum in his arms exactly 29 days earlier.

Yes, he was keeping count.

Steve was practically speechless, yet he managed to get out a crude, ‘Hey’ and a head motion as a greeting. What was that?

He wanted close to you, to feel your skin against his lips again, to check and see if you were wet, which you were judging from your slightly open lips and blown pupils. He didn’t go near you as he got a drink however, because no matter how much he was into knife and gun play, he wasn’t going there. 

Steve wanted in your heart, not just your pants.

When you closed your eyes and visibly inhaled (probably to calm your anger, he imagined), he used the opportunity to watch your chest rise and watch the sunlight play on your skin. Those beautiful eyes caused his heart to clench when you opened them and he couldn’t tear his away as he drank his water. 

Which he needed at the moment. Desperately.

Unconsciously, he wiped his lips with his thumb, remembering the texture of you as he did so. You cleared your throat, snapping him out of it.

“Peach…”

He stopped, waiting for your retort. You just stood there, expectant and although he was shocked as shit, he continued.

“I want to apologize for lying to you and for allowing things to get…physical while you believed a lie.”

You watched him for what seemed like a long time, but was really only seconds.

“I accept your apology, Steve, and I believe in forgiveness, if only for myself being able to move on, but I’m not ready to forget or fully trust you.” Steve nodded.

“I get it. I’m really sorry.”

You shrugged.

“I know you were trying to help Bucky get clean for my cousin, and I love her big, so, I can’t stay mad. And it’s clear that you are ride or die for those you love.”

And then you cocked your head at him in that adorable way and his heart crumbled into the sparkly bits of honey in your eyes. 

“I feel like you love my cousin. Like family. So I guess that makes us family too.”

When you gave him a small smile, he smiled back dreamily. He was a teenage boy in your presence.

“I guess you’re right.”

Steve thought of family and a vision of you as a mother had him in a chokehold. You had him raging hard and wanting to bend you over the kitchen island and breed you until his seed dripped down your legs. Instead, he moved behind it to hide his condition. 

“We will have to be in contact because of the endowment, which I am taking because of my students and the fact that it’s been my dream since I was 12 years old. It was then that I started being told that I was all wrong. My ass was too big. My breasts were too bouncy. I didn’t have a ‘desirable dance body.’” 

Steve’s eyes openly scanned you. He looked angry, then scoffed. 

“That's ridiculous.” 

“Of course it is.” 

“Don't change a thing. That would be criminal.” 

You paused and then gave him a slightly larger smile then.

“Believe me, I'm not planning to change myself. I’m planning on changing the world.” 

Steve stared at you, astounded at your fierce courage. No one else could compare.

“I’m serious. I know that sounds grandiose, but I want to leave my mark. I started a dance company so that any body with talent can get on a stage and have a career, regardless of their shape and size. That’s why I’m accepting the endowment. We can be business partners if it means those dreams can come true.”

You were a force. Damn, that only made Steve love you more.

“Brava, Peach.”

You stared back into those baby blues and coughed, trying to clear your throat from the lump that had formed there. Your goals and dreams always made you get intense.

“Need some water?”

Steve was already reaching for another glass. His eyes went wide as you reached for his and finished off what was left in it. He almost came at the thought of your lips where his had been. Holy mother of god.

“That hit the spot, thanks.”

You licked your lips and he nearly fainted, and as you turned toward the stairs, giving him a view of your backside, and looked back at him, he almost ethered to the sky.

“See you next week, Mr. Rogers. Have a safe flight.”

—-

Steve felt frantic the entire seven days leading up to the day he’d see you again. He and Sam and Nat and Bucky had lots of work to do, but he felt like a bumbling idiot, because his perfectionism was getting in the way. 

Bucky saw the barriers Steve’s mind was putting in his way and spent extra time helping him. That’s why Bucky was his brother, Steve’s only family since his mother died when he was a kid.

They worked day and night, it seemed, to be ready for the summit.

Steve managed to take a few minutes to himself each night, sketching before he slept. The images of you that came from the lead of his pencil soothing his spirit and filling his dreams. They also caused him to wake up with a stiff reminder of your feel and smell in his nostrils.

Steve Rogers couldn’t wait to see his Peach again.

—--

You kept checking the emailed itinerary on the phone as you tried to relax in business class. All of the endowment recipients were arriving in New York around the same time period in the afternoon, and you were being picked up and chauffeured to your hotel, then three hours later, to a reception at a club in the Rebirth Building. 

Then, you would be left to your own devices for dinner and to turn in or turn up. Turning up with your cousin was the only option.

You decided to try and catch some zzzz’s on the plane so you wouldn’t be too tired later. You also wanted to calm your nerves. This was a big deal for your dance school, you told yourself. You weren’t nervous about seeing Steve Rogers again on his turf. 

Not at all. 

—---

The driver that picked you up from the airport, complete with your name on a placard, Nico, was super nice.  You were surprised that your cousin was in the car. You two squealed and talked and laughed on the way, and you were in such a good mood that you didn’t pay much attention when she addressed him by his first name very familiarly. He must be a very friendly guy.

Your check-in at the 1 Hotel Brooklyn was a breeze. The concierge let you know that you checked in at the right time; you happened to be upgraded to a one bedroom suite with a view of the New York skyline and the Statue of Liberty. The king sized bed looked like a dream, so you took a nap before you got ready for the evening. You wanted to be at your best amongst the other five Endowment awardees.

—-

You walked into the bar, Bea, and you were struck at how gorgeous it was, and how masculine.

There was rich mahogany wood everywhere, and the bartop material was a dark black honed marble. There were luxurious upholstered leather chairs and booths throughout and floor to ceiling wine coolers. 

You were looking around in awe as a young woman came up and handed you a name tag.

“You must be Ms. YLN. Welcome.”

You greeted her as your cousin smirked at you. She grabbed two flutes of champagne from a passing wait staff.

“How…”

You gaped at her.

“All staff have been briefed on all of you. Nothing but the best this week.”

“Oh. Okay…” She giggled as you continued your inspection of the place. Steve and ‘nem had more money than you thought. A lot more. A thought crossed your mind.

“Wait. Do you work for them?”

You narrowed your eyes at your cousin as she rolled hers.

“Well, tangentially. Bucky funded our Howard Benson exhibit at the Center and so I’ve worked with Rebirth on some Harlem Renaissance initiatives around Brooklyn and the other boroughs. I’ve also een helping Bucky and the crew prepare for this week.”

“Ah. Okay.”

You took a sip of your drink and continued your perusal.

It was your cousin’s turn now.

“Listen, bitch.You’ve got to chill. No one is out to get you, especially me.”

Your cousin looked halfway angry. But she was still adorable.

“You’re so fucking cute. Love looks good on you.”

You smiled at her serenely and she shook her head at you, knowing you too well. 

“Don’t give me your shit, Peach. I was there in Hilton Head. You will act like you have some sense.”

“I’m civilized, cousin. Steve and I had a talk before I left. I’m chilling.”

“You better.”

She pointed to the gathering crowd in the room.

“Now go network.”

—--

Your laugh. It gave Steve goosebumps.

He hadn’t heard your full laugh much in Atlanta, just some low, sexy chuckles, because you two hadn’t talked much. And you certainly weren’t happy when he showed up at your family’s house. But you seemed much more relaxed this evening and Steve decided that it was his favorite thing in the world.

He spotted you as soon as you walked in with your cousin and she was beautiful as always. 

But you.

When you finally noticed him, you seemed surprised, eyes wide and mouth slightly open, but not angry at all. He gained hope, and stood up straight, wondering if he looked good to you because you were certainly a vision to his eyes. 

The outfit you were wearing was classy, yet could not hide that body from the eyes that studied it every chance he got. Which was every time he saw you.

As you mingled, and he shmoozed, he consistently had to force his eyes away from your tempting curves, your gorgeous face, the sound of your voice. And that fucking laugh. It wrapped itself around his heart and squeezed, seeped into his soul and spread warmth. 

Not to mention the effect you had on his cock. 

You were a fucking vision in black wide-legged leather pants and a plain white tee that hugged your mouthwatering tits, accessorized with red pointy heels a red clutch and an off white wool trench coat. The edgy outfit was very appropriate for the art world and although you were all covered up, your body wasn’t hidden from him, only accentuated. To top it off, your normally coily hair was straightened and loosely curled, calling for his fingers to slide through the thick strands. 

It’s your eyes that got to him, though, those fucking beautiful eyes that he longed to see hazy with the pleasure he was giving you. He maintained eye contact with you as he thought his lurid thoughts, and raised his drink in a salute. You smiled at him and raised your drink in response and his heart soared.

Although he wanted to be near you immediately, he decided to give you some space. He didn’t want to force anything. Well, maybe he wanted to force his thick cock into your tiny cunt. 

He licked his lips, then shook his head and scowled at Bucky as he noticed Steve staring at you. But he didn’t stop.

Careful now, Steve told himself. Take it slow. 

—--

You mingled and met some of your fellow recipients. They were a diverse group of people from all over the country, but most seemed type cool. There was one who latched on to you, Sharon Carter. She was a photographer from Memphis and was very chatty. She was glued to your side as you made the rounds and you weren’t too mad. She just didn’t shut up.

“How do you like your room? A double with a view of the base of the Brooklyn Bridge. And after a three hour coach flight. Fancy.”

You sipped your drink and Sharon’s sarcasm. Your mind started whirling.

“Get a load of those beautiful people right there. Those are our benefactors.”

You looked to where she was indicating and were surprised to see Steve standing with Bucky, another tall handsome man with a low cut fade, and a petite fit redhead woman. They all looked to belong on a movie poster.

But Steve.

He was leaned against the bar, arms crossed over his broad chest, perfectly tailored dark green sport coat and black wool sweater, hugging his broad shoulders and trim waist like nobody’s business. His dark slacks were hanging on for dear life to those massive thighs, and his thick dark blond hair was tousled, like he’d been running his hands through it all day. You liked his hair cut short in the back with the length on top. There was still something to grab on to.

Damn him. It should be illegal for a man to look that fucking good, especially at this hour, with you already having had two glasses of champagne.…

You caught eye contact with Steve and your world spun for a second as you connected across the room. His eyes… God, his eyes. 

Those steely blues were blazing with a heat that you could feel in your pussy, somehow containing a hunger that threatened to consume you. He stood up straight, and if you didn’ know any better, you would have thought that he flexed a little as he stared at you. Your pussy thought so, but your brain thought he wouldn’t try to hurt you like that. 

He did, however, raise his glass to you and you couldn’t help but respond in kind.

You turned your attention to Bucky as he started to speak, and grabbed a bottle of water from a waiter, thinking you needed a clear head when you had to actually talk to Steve and not just acknowledge him from across the room.

"Good evening, everyone, and welcome to the Rebirth Art Foundation’s annual celebration of creativity and innovation in the arts. This is a gathering to honor six extraordinary artists whose talent, vision, and hard work have earned them a place among the most promising creators of our time….”

You watched your cousin who was totally enraptured by what Bucky was saying. You got a warm feeling as you saw what true love looked like. You smirked as you saw her make her way over to him as Nat stepped up to speak. You were so happy for your fam. 

“Now Bucky Barnes is a snack. Wonder if he’s taken?”

You side eyed the hussy and then pointed at your cousin, who hadn’t made it to Bucky yet.

“I think that’s his wife or something right there.”

Sharon took a sip of her drink and wrinkled her nose.

“Ha! Nice joke. But I don’t think they go together, meaning they don’t match. Get it?”

You stared daggers at her. This bitch. Then you glanced at your cousin and her man again.

“You might want to tell him that, because he looks like he’s about to take her tonsils out with his tongue.”

Sharon’s mouth dropped open to see them making out in a corner. You couldn’t help but laugh as she shrugged, then brightened when Steve gained the mic. 

“Never mind him. Steve Rogers is the entire meal. I have it on good authority that his dick is big.”

You looked from her to Steve, a sinking feeling in your stomach. Were you going to catch a case in New York City over a man that was not your man?

Or was he your man?

“Good evening, and welcome. It’s an honor to have you all here as we celebrate six incredible artists who are pushing the boundaries of what’s possible in the art world and are poised to change the entire world.”

Steve looked straight at you then, and you held his gaze for that fraction of a second as he raised his eyebrow as electricity zapped between you before his eyes continued around the room. 

Sharon was forgotten momentarily and you bit your lip. Whew. You had to refrain from fanning yourself as he continued.

“At Rebirth, we believe that art is more than just a medium—it’s a force that connects us, challenges us, and shapes our future. This week, I encourage you to not only take in everything around you but also to share your unique perspectives. Creation, art, and collaboration are the soul of this foundation, and I’m excited to see what bonds form this week. Congratulations once again, and let’s make something amazing together!”

“Come on, now is the time to meet them. Maybe I can make something amazing with Steve Rogers tonight.”

You let yourself be dragged over to where the four were standing as Sam was finishing his welcome and you introduced yourself to each as you tried to listen to Sharon simping.

Each person smiled warmly at you, and Bucky pulled you in for a hug, which made Sharon side eye you both, but only for a moment as her attention turned to Steve.

“Mr. Rogers, I’m Sharon Carter. You know my Aunt Peggy.”

Steve blanched.

“Peggy? Your… Aunt?”

Sharon laughed, a little shrilly to your ears.

“Yes. She’s my mother’s half sister. Born to the second wife, 18 years younger than my mom. They weren’t that close. But Peggy and I are just like sisters.”

“Oh.”

Steve looked a little trapped.

“Didn’t know that. It’s a small world.”

Peggy leaned closer to him, but you heard her stage whisper.

“Don’t worry, I won’t share the secrets she told me…”

Steve looked at her like she was crazy and then looked at you, almost in panic. You could see the anxiety in his eyes, so you decided to rescue him.

“Mr. Rogers. Hi. ”

The huskiness of your voice, the way his name sounded on your tongue. It calmed him and sent a lightning bolt of desire through him. Steve wanted to hear you call him that in a very different context.

Steve’s face changed when he looked at you. He shifted toward you, much to Sharon’s chagrin.

“My name is Y/N Y/LN, and it’s so good to finally meet you. I hope that this is the start of a great partnership.”

Steve cocked his eyebrow at you and smiled as you took his hand. You initiating touch with him was the start of his wet dreams of late. His thumb stroked your hand as he held it. 

“I hope so too, Ms. Y/LN. I’ve been meaning to talk to you…”

“Please, call me Peach, Mr. Rogers.”

Nat came around and distracted Sharon as Steve put his hand on the small of your back to guide you to the side of the bar to talk. His smell enveloped you and his touch had you walking carefully, because your knees were weak.

“What did you want to talk about Mr. Rogers?”

He shook his head, his eyes dark now.

“Call me Steve, Peach, please.”

His voice was rougher, and impossibly deeper as he begged, and it sent chills straight to your pussy. You cocked your head and he in turn licked his lips.

“Why?”

“Because if you keep calling me Mr. Rogers, I–”

He stopped and your lust-addled brain filled in the gaps. Your lips parted on a soft inhale. Steve, on the other hand, inhaled sharply.

And then exhaled slowly.

“How was your flight?”

Steve thought it best to talk of the mundane, because he was half a second from bending you over the bar in front of all these people. 

“It was… great. I appreciated the business class seat.”

His eyebrow shot up.

“You got upgraded? How fortunate.”

“Ummmmhmmm. So you didn’t know?”

“Promise.”

Steve’s mouth quirked up in a half smile, because he knew you didn’t trust him, but you were so cute when you were grilling him.

“And you didn’t know about the upgrade at the hotel?”

“No…”

“I have a king suite with a killer view of the city.”

Steve grinned now and you almost shielded your eyes.

“Seems you’re lucky.”

You stared into his eyes to see if he was lying, but you didn’t see anything there but feelings you didn’t want to name. But because of your history, you still didn’t trust what he said. Nevertheless, you decided to let it go. There was something else you needed to know.

“So, who’s Peggy?”

Steve grimaced.

“She’s someone I knew a long time ago. We were close. Once. But not anymore.”

You just kept looking at him.

“She’s moved on, married to a rich guy on the west coast. And I’ve moved on as well.”

You straightened up as he gazed down at you. You didn’t know why you cared so much. And you didn’t want to analyze his last sentence.

“Oh.”

Now, Steve was smiling down at you like he thought you were jealous.

Which was absurd. 

And he looked as if he was happy about that ridiculous idea.

You were right.

Steve was jumping for joy on the inside at the way you reacted to hearing about Peggy. He didn’t expect to think about her, much less have to explain her to you tonight, but if it led to you realizing you had feelings for him, he was glad of Sharon’s connection. And the way she ran her mouth, although it was annoying.

“You good, Peach?”

You weren’t good. You found yourself wanting to show Steve your suite, especially the ceiling, as you rode his cock on the king sized bed so as to make him forget about any other pussy ever existing. But you must have been tweaking.

You needed to get out of there.

You turned around and went to find your cousin.

“I’m great Mr. Rogers. You have a good night.”

And Steve was left watching you walk away again.

——

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Read Peach V

[variousqueerthings]

Okay, well, what would you prefer then? The Dustmen?

Sleep No More! this season's dedicated spooky episode. I feel like I ought to have vibed more with this one than I did and I dunno why it didn't work with me that well. maybe I powered through s9 too quickly (EDIT: I have now analysed why it didn't work so well for me, ey!)

also: is this the first out trans actor we've had on this show? definitely some things to say about that

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 10/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 4/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 6/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 3/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 3/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 9/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 6/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 10/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 6/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 4/10

FULL RATING: 61/100 (if I can count….)

ok ok let's get into it!

OBJECTIFICATION: see, cured!

PLOT-POINT: I mean, it's a standalone episode that doesn't do much beyond the episode itself, so it doesn't really need to give Clara much development. still, I think in a season in which Clara doesn't have many emotional beats, considering what's coming up in the very next episode... I'd have liked something perhaps

COMPLEXITY: it's complexity lies in its structure and I am nooot convinced by it. there's nothing wrong as such with found footage, but it feels gimmicky very fast, and I think there should have been more done with the fact that the dust was "watching" them

the fact that it's basically the beats of a low-budget horror should have meant I vibed with it more, but I think because in the end a lot of it is just running from place to place while going "whaat is even happening here" makes it feel a bit thin

also the ending is probably an "either you like it or you don't" type ending, so I have nothing against it as such. I think the single-episode characters were thinner than a lot of the other ones we've seen throughout the years, which is kind of a shame, because there is some interesting Stuff to dig into with the wider world they inhabit (which we'll get to) but these are all -- with the exception of Nagata I think -- relatively threadbare. this might also be a feeling arising from the other episodes being two-parters, so we got more time with the "under the lake" gang idk. but maybe actually that's why I'm judging it a bit harsher -- this is a concept I've seen before a few times, done better

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: nothing much here either, although there is a delightful little exchange between Clara and the Doctor right at the beginning that goes like this --

CLARA: Looks like a Japanese restaurant. Oh! Have you brought me to a space restaurant? DOCTOR: People never do that, you know? CLARA: Do what? DOCTOR: They never put the word space in front of something just because everything's all sort of hi-tech and future-y. It's never space restaurant or space champagne or space, you know, hat. It's just restaurant, champagne or hat. Even if this was a restaurant. CLARA: What about spacesuit? DOCTOR: Pedant.

I just think that gives me more on them as characters than often exists in their episodes together, which often feel like they go so fast and are so specific to Plot things, that I've often struggled to engage with their dynamic as ostensibly good friends. this was actually something I highlighted in "the girl who died" which was the way everything with them was constantly framed around danger and high stakes and how that takes me out of understanding what draws Clara to travelling, and this is a little counterpoint to that

COMPANIONS MATTER: ehhhh not really from my memory. she's there.

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: the Doctor just fully runs around like a headless chicken in this one. no that's not fair, he solves most of the puzzle. crucially not the really important piece at the end though, but I'd assume that happened offscreen, as the implications of that ending have never been brought up again on this show to my knowledge

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: couple of tiny references. actually it's more of a big send-up to league of gentlemen, considering Gatiss wrote it and Shearsmith plays the main bad guy

“SEXINESS”: again, cured!

INTERNAL WORLD: I think if this had had more world-building and less attempts at being a PG horror movie it might have been more horrifying actually, because the implications are already horrifying enough. but yeah, this, because of the characters, is quite a thinly built world, made all the more noticeable because the ideas within it are kind of compelling as heck and I do want to know more!

POLITICS: there's a couple of things in this, the first and more intentional of which is it brings up some good horrific capitalist world-building, and I wiiish whatever the story was was actually more about that. I mean, actually there's a really good TV concept on its own in it, that this episode didn't have the time or focus or ability to tell, because it's Doctor Who, we're not spending a season dwelling on the implications of functionally removing sleep from people, but ooooh I'd be interested in a story that did!

the other thing is that this has the somewhat dubious honour of featuring the first ever out trans actor in a lead role, played by Bethany Black, and... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I mean. I mean. she's a vat-grown grunt referred to with "it" pronouns (and not, I get the sense, because of personal choice, if personal choice came into this in the first place), who "cannot speak properly" because these "grunts" are frequently not... bred well enough? there's a loooot of episodes on Doctor Who that are about personhood and respecting that, and this... is not one of those episodes. 474 is never a focus of the Doctor in this episode, and in fact relatively early on both (she?) and this cis guy who frequently insults her the most (whom she is in love with???) are separated from the others. she then sacrifices herself for this guy, but it doesn't really matter because he's killed anyway shortly afterwards

it's just kinda messy and badly thought-out, but Bethany Black is great, and we know it's going to get better at some point. I want to make a point though as well that Bethany is fat and was in her 30s during this episode I think, and her character is presented in a relatively genderless way and smeared with camouflage paint or oil or smthin (and again, referred to with "it" pronouns), so I don't think a lot of people casually watching would have noticed that this character was a woman (if indeed, the episode understood that), in the sense that obviously trans people should get to play everyone and not "just" have to be prettified in order to be allowed onscreen, but it's a shame we couldn't see a fat trans woman being respected as a woman in this story, or youknow... get to assert her personhood, considering this is Doctor Who, and I hope that the wonderful onscreen transness we're getting will not be equated with thinness and youth exclusively in the future

but like, they could fully bring Bethany Black back as another character and I don't think people would recognise her as having been on the show before, so... do it cowards. you did it with fuckn Capaldi and Gillan and Cribbins and and and...

FULL RATING: 61/100 (if I can count….)

so I did actually check what the feedback to this episode was, and apparently at the time it was the lowest rated episode apart from Love & Monsters, which if anyone has been on this blog for a bit, you know I'm so into that episode. and I think that's worthy of a little comparison, because the thing about Love & Monsters is that while it is a bit gimmicky in format and to the left of a traditional episode, it does all of this in service to something. it's about specific people who exist in the sphere of the Doctor's influence, and that in turn explores a tertiary character (Jackie) who herself occupies a difficult space in this universe. it is, fundamentally, a very very human, softly tragic tale that builds up ideas that we'll return to many times over the course of the show

this episode does not have that. it's characters aren't very fleshed out, its world-building is shallow, and its purpose as the episode before a Very Important Episode seems to be to just. be there. and I think that's its fundamental weakness. if this were in another season, and given some tightening here and there to give it some kind of focus (my preference would be on giving some emotional insights on the Doctor and whoever the Companion is and/or making this very much about the single-episode characters For A Purpose, with the Doctor and Companion taking a backseat) I would have liked it better

as it is I don't dislike it, it's just oddly situated and relatively forgettable to me. Bethany Black should come back though

[children-of-the-sun-au]

Hey guys! New ask blog!

1000 years after the Journey, the Jade Emperor realizes how low the security is so tries to create an army that would combat any enemy, their first choice? Sun Wukong.

Sun Wukong created OffSprings by the gift of the Goddess Nuwa’s magic to create Heaven’s very own, Stone Monkey Army.

———————————————————————————-

Rules:

-No NSFW, Blog runner is a minor.

-No Homophobia

-No Toxicity, respect all ships

-No spam please

-No Anon Magic (Unless it’s to gift a character something)

-Have fun!

Additional Rules:

Address me as Sunny! You’ll know I’m talking if I speaking in this: ‘font’

Arc 1: Welcome! When MK gets arrested by the Celestial Realm things get a turn for him and he learns things about his mentor he thought never existed.

Arc 2: after they are invited to a party by Tang’s obnoxious parents. Shenanigans ensue when the Celestial Realm’s own party gets crashed

Arc 3: Surprise surprise! A two-parter arc, MK and Zammy’s birthdays are coming whoo-hoo! But what’s this? Something lurking in the corner? Well strap on folks cause this one might be a doozy!

Arc 4: Part two of Arc 3! Shi Ku strikes at the heart of the Celestial Realm endangering it at last! But what’s this? A secret revealed from the Zodiac himself?!

Arc 5: A trial is held for the Zodiac Monkey’s fate and the fate of his child…but when biases and corruption play a role in the fates, will there be true justice to this all?

Arc 6: MK and Zammy end up in a bit of a scuttle with the Zodiacs. However this lands them in the Monkey District where MK learns a bit of information of his mother and father.

Arc 7: MK begins training with Chikao and a family bonding is in session

Arc 8: Years have passed and MK has mastered his training, however, it seems as if he’s caught himself in a middle of a warzone

Arc 9: The battlefield has shook, Destiny will finally be destroyed…right?

Arc 10: All out war is coming for the Monkey King’s Children against the Celestial Realm. As the balance gets shaken even further, how will fate once more be saved?

Arc 11: Mysterious forces are at play…luckily, we’re trying not to traumatize Wukong even more!…right?

Arc 12: Zammy and Rin try to find a way to have separate souls…meanwhile Erlang gets a coronation…temporarily…no seriously the Jade Emperor hates him

Arc 13: The New Jade Emperor gets corrupted by the power and thus does an Adam against the Stone Monkey Army…battle ensues as a Constellation has fallen.

Arc 14: Shenanigans ensue when the fallen has arisen and some more love drama

Arc 15: Being the Jade Emperor is tough man…

Arc 16: A deal gone wrong, when Dragon defects and tries to defy chaos.

Arc 17: Let’s get into the season of LOVE with some Valentine’s Specials.

Arc 18: Let’s continue the Season of Love with a crazy er…can we even call her an ex?

—————————————

!REBOOTED!

Arc 1: MK gets arrested by Jidu for Season 2 and afterwards accidentally breaks a rule against his Constellation.

Arc 2: Azure escapes, a secret is revealed and ooh, more Wukong lore.

Arc 3: Rin and Zammy go to trial. Ling becomes MK’s constellation and we get a slight preview of the Zodiac Monkey’s past…also Wukong and Rin might have a baby

Arc 4: After the trial Wukong and Rin settle down. However, MK gets captured because of a stunning surprise from Wukong’s other family.

Arc 5: It’s Con Swap Day! And okay Li Jing is being a jerk nevermind

Arc 6: MK finds out there’s more to himself than he seems when Zammy reveals a secret…also Pigsy tries to flirt with Rin despite Tang’s annoyance.

Arc 7: Zodiac Monkey’s secret is revealed and we get Zammy backstory.

Arc 8: The Trial has commenced however. It seems like Zodiac Monkey has something up his sleeve

Arc 9: Seems like things are getting a little…tense…the New Jade Emperor seems to have gotten himself an army

Arc 10: Azure is defeated…and Zammy gets a funeral.

!Spoilers for Season 5 in the Next Arc!

Arc 11: Dang a long arc…welp basically…it’s Season 5…but with a lot of twists.

Arc 12: Short World MK Arc except MK accidentally breaks the fourth wall…

Arc 13: Multiversal war arises…looks like MK’s in for a real treat.

Arc 14: A new child returns…oh hi Mei Gui…glad things were sorted out

Arc 15: The New Zodiac Race Commences!

[sshbpodcast]

To Be Continued: Multi-parters in Star Trek (Part 2)

By Ames

Last week, we touched on Trek two-parters from TOS and TNG, and the resounding refrain from your A Star to Steer Her By hosts was “Well, that was uneven.” Most of the time, the two-parters we got seemed so deliberately stretched that we questioned if it was even worth dedicating two episodes. Sure, you can apply more budget, but if there isn’t enough story, then you might as well have scaled back and used that week’s monetary allotment for a new, better story.

Deep Space Nine, on the other hand, more frequently knew what to do with serialized storytelling. They were ahead of their time in a lot of ways, and telling Trek stories over the course of a couple of weeks was even more common. What made them so good? Was it just that the writers clearly planned things out better and had characters that developed more than Picard’s crew? Let’s take a look through the two-, three-, six-, and even ten-parters of DS9 by reading on below and listening to the week’s chatter on the podcast. When it comes to bigger stories, fortune does favor the bold!

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

DS9: “The Homecoming,” “The Circle,” “The Siege”

Okay, our first example may not be the best, as the pacing is still not entirely fleshed out. From the three-parter that opens season two, we definitely found that the middle episode, “The Circle,” spins its wheels a little bit to make sure the bulk of the resolution could be delivered in the third. Poor Li Nalas has to sit around questioning what he’s doing there so much that the audience also starts to question what he’s doing there!

We have a good suggestion here: Excise the whole Li Nalas plot to his own episode. It’s a good story: someone who doesn’t deserve his hero status being upheld as this figurehead and finding out what that means for him. He could have contrasted nicely with Sisko, the emissary to the Prophets who ALSO doesn’t entirely accept his role [yet]. And then you can leave the Circle plot to its own two-parter. Or better yet: clean it up even more and cut it down to its own single episode! As long as we retain all the great Winn plotting, we’re cool here.

DS9: “The Maquis”

Later on, we get another retread of the ethical conundrum that is the Maquis in the eponymous two-parter “The Maquis.” Our biggest takeaway is YAWN! Somehow, this one not only didn’t feel like it should have been a two-parter, but it barely felt like it should have been a one-parter! How was there so little to say about the cause of these people who’ve been screwed over so much by the Federation-Cardassian alliance?

How do you fix this? I dunno. Maybe making Cal Hudson a more interesting character. And definitely killing him off by the end OR endeavoring to ever revisit him again. There are just no stakes this whole two-parter long and it doesn’t keep our attention long enough for us to feel anything for his character. TNG’s “Journey’s End” first aired a month before this, so there was already a foundation to build on… and these episodes somehow just don’t.

DS9: “The Jem’Hadar,” “The Search”

It’s when we really get into the Dominion material that Deep Space Nine turns a new leaf in serial storytelling. The season 2 finale “The Jem’Hadar” does a lovely job opening that door by introducing the eponymous Jem’Hadar and the Vorta and allowing season 3 to launch right in with the two parts of “The Search,” which introduce the elusive and wily Changelings, and where would this series be without them?

And as a two-parter (or three-parter if you include “The Jem’Hadar”), “The Search” is stellar at slowly revealing more and more information, twisting and teasing the expectations of the audience until the facade is dropped and we learn the true identity of the Founders. For perhaps the first time, we see serial storytelling not only being worth the episodes they take up, but also setting the stage for the whole rest of the series. Praise be to the Founders!

DS9: “Past Tense”

Maybe it’s just the serial storytelling that DS9 gets right, because when it goes for another one-off two-parter that isn’t really connected to the rest of the series arc, it falls into the same tired devices and poor pacing of some of the TNG two-parters we talked about last week. Our jaunt back in time to the Bell Riots feels stretched and starts to get boring. This is yet another plot that could easily have fit into one episode if they’d trimmed some fat.

Per Jake in this week’s podcast episode, “it takes way too long to get through this episode,” which is a sign of a multi-parter that hasn’t earned its runtime. The Jadzia-Brinner plot lags. There’s way too much exposition in Part I. The O’Brien-Kira appearances, while providing much-needed levity, don’t fit the episode. Condensing down to one episode might also fix the biggest flaw of this two-parter: running out of things to do with the BC character until he becomes a series of tactless jokes in a stupid hat.

DS9: “Improbable Cause,” “The Die Is Cast”

You know what makes a two-parter worth it? Elim Fucking Garak. Just let Andy Robinson chew the scenery and you’ll have enough material to stretch for as long as you like and no one will complain. When the writers of “Improbable Cause” couldn’t find a way out of their episode and they decided to extend it to another episode, they couldn’t have known how much paydirt they’d struck.

And maybe that’s just the way to do it: don’t just stretch your story into two episodes when you hit a wall. Take a hammer to that wall and extend into a new room. A story about the investigation into who’s blowing up Garak’s shop is fine… for one week. But using that as a launch pad to tell an even bigger story the next week, with the Obsidian Order and the Tal Shiar and Changeling spies and Garak torturing Odo all over the place, then you’ve got something there. What was the rest of the crew up to during all this? Who even cares?

DS9: “The Way of the Warrior”

Star Trek’s first feature-length episode, all released together as one big behemoth thing, really feels like a movie. The great thing about this new Klingon-Cardassian War is that it raises the stakes not just for this double-length episode, but for the whole season 4 of DS9, and they do it in style!

While this whole left turn into Klingon politics does sidetrack us from the ever-intensifying Dominion arc (we learned in the season 3 finale that Changelings Are Everywhere™), it’s worth it to keep upping the stakes. Having the Klingons pull out of the Khitomer Accords not only changes our relationship with a legacy species, but also provides the perfect entry point for Worf! And sure, characters like Kira and Dax have some very excisable scenes for padding, but there’s enough going on throughout.

DS9: “Homefront,” “Paradise Lost”

This renowned two-parter was originally planned to be the season three finale / season four premiere. And frankly it’s much better served after a couple months of ramping up the action. Ending season three with “The Adversary” was a much better landing because it sets up possibilities for the following season, which these midseason episodes capitalize on because things have been simmering in the meantime.

And this Starfleet plot builds so nicely across both episodes! The tension that Joe Sisko embodies because of all the increased military checkpoints and constant blood screenings for Changelings really starts to boil by the end. And yet another corrupt admiral is stirring up trouble, as they are wont to do! It all adds up to a suspenseful two-parter that is excellently paced and which pays off with revelations every couple of scenes to keep viewers satisfied.

DS9: “In Purgatory’s Shadow,” “By Inferno’s Light”

We’re in for a treat with another Garak-heavy two-parter! Deep Space Nine has really mastered the continuous plot by this fifth season dynamo. For a change, both sides of the plot (on the station and in the Dominion prison) hold their own and play off each other, especially when we learn that each side has its own copy of Bashir. 

And like in “Homefront” and “Paradise Lost,” there is no shortage of plot twists that continuously increase the momentum of the two episodes. Bashir’s been a Changeling for the last while, Martok is alive in a Dominion prison, Tain is ALSO alive in a Dominion prison AND he admits to being Garak’s father, and Cardassia allies with the Dominion. Somehow under all that weight, the episodes don’t crumble because the pacing has been spot on, the acting has been superb, and the revelations have been jaw-dropping.

DS9: “A Time to Stand,” “Rocks and Shoals,” “Sons and Daughters,” “Behind the Lines,” “Favor the Bold,” “Sacrifice of Angels”

Season 6 opens with a six-parter, which has been unheard of up until this point in Star Trek. The show really was ahead of its time, and has been seeing a whole new appreciation with the ability to binge seasons without the risk of missing an episode and finding yourself entirely lost. If only streaming had been around in the 90s, DS9 would have been everyone’s favorite show.

The long plot to take back the station from Dukat and his Dominion buddies is a master class in serialization. Everything builds to a frenzy and it’s so clear the writers were in constant communication to keep as many characters busy as possible. It all culminates in “Favor the Bold” and “Sacrifice of Angels,” which are the most two-parter-y of the bunch. The prophets ex machina does end up feeling like a cop out when Sisko flies headlong into the wormhole like a maniac; it could have just been fixed with an explanation that he intended to blow up the wormhole because he had an actual plan, but whatever. Sisko’s gotta Sisko.

DS9: “Image in the Sand,” “Shadows and Symbols”

The opening of season 7 is a bit of a weird one. We start the final season of DS9 by dealing with loss. Jadzia is dead. The wormhole has closed. Sisko has taken his ball and gone home, clearly at his lowest point. I’d argue less for cutting the fat to make this one episode, and more for cooking up that fat a little better because not everything is fully baked. We’ve complained in the past that Quark and Julian regress as characters when they make Jadzia’s death somehow about themselves when Worf is the one mourning. So knock that off, for one.

But the emissary plot with Sisko learning that he’s part Prophet is a little… out of the blue. Were there ever hints of this? And some of the Benny Russell scenes caused by the pah-wraiths muddy the near-perfect episode “Far Beyond the Stars.” It’s a little more gimmicky and murky in its messaging, especially when we saw Benny before and it was the Prophets directing him. Now it’s the pah-wraiths? I’m confused. Oh, and Ezri’s here too, I guess.

DS9: Season 7 ten-parter!

The whole series climaxes with a great big ten-parter that concludes with a very uneven finale (but we ragged on that the other week already). Most modern shows on streaming have seasons that are basically ten-parters, give or take, but they don’t have sixteen previous episodes in their season building up to it. And many current series aren’t as successful at moving a plot forward and continuing to develop their characters over those episodes as Deep Space Nine was.

That’s not to say the ten final episodes of the show were perfect. There were definitely places where they lagged. Clearly, the writers quickly ran out of things for Ezri to do and fell back on a tired and unnecessary romance gimmick. And though it solved the Changeling disease plot, the whole of “Extreme Measures” felt like it dragged the pacing of the story arc to a gross and unethical halt.

On particular display is some absolutely excellent work from Marc Alaimo and Louise Fletcher, which we could watch for hours if you’d let us. A lot happens over these ten episodes, and for the most part, the storytelling is so skilled that it rarely feels like too much or too little is happening at once. Certain plots are left to brew until it’s their time, and other threads like the Gowron plot and and the Nagus plot wrap up tidily before we get to the finale. Oh, and Damar is great.

—

Things will be a little less serial (even when they should be) when we talk more two-parters next week, this time as we revisit Voyager. So keep your eyes here for that. Additionally, you should keep up with our watchalong of Discovery on the podcast via SoundCloud or wherever you get your podcasts, and debate who’s a Changeling with us on Facebook. And watch out for Breen—they change everything!

[helloalycia]

my happy ending [one] // kara danvers

summary: your crush from work decides to make a move, but she keeps putting off telling you something that you don't realise is actually really important

warning/s: none

author's note: i'm still working on a bunch of stuff but here's some old stuff to tide you over as i do. this is part one to a two-parter! enjoy :)

part two | masterlist

I sketched out some designs at my desk, ideas for some new Instagram and Twitter marketing CatCo we were planning to do. I was in charge of social media marketing at CatCo Worldwide, so things like this were routine at work. What wasn't routine was the cute blonde, Kara, AKA Cat Grant's assistant, approaching my desk with a chirpy smile on her lips.

"Hey, Y/N," she greeted, before setting down a coffee cup in front of me.

I smiled automatically, Kara's presence instantly affecting my mood in a positive way. I glanced at the cup and quirked an eyebrow.

"Hey, Kara. Is this for me?"

She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose adorably. "I was picking up Miss Grant's order and I remembered you said you loved the chocolate orange hot chocolates Noonan's do. So, I got you one."

I felt my cheeks heat up. "Oh, wow, er, thank you. You didn't have to do that."

She shrugged, and I was sure she looked as flustered as I felt. "No biggie."

I took a sip of the hot chocolate and smiled at how good it was, but mostly because of who got it me.

"So, what are you doing?" she asked, walking around my desk and sitting at the edge. She glanced at my sketches and added, "Is that the new fashion post for our social media accounts? They look amazing!"

"Just some sketches, but eventually they will be," I said, before nodding. "And thanks. I just need the photos so I know what I'm working with. Gotta ask the new guy, James... you met him yet?"

Kara nodded. "Yeah, I just bumped into him earlier."

"Can you believe he knows Superman?" I asked with disbelief. "How awesome is that?"

She smiled with amusement. "Extremely awesome."

"Keira!"

Kara lost her smile when Miss Grant called for her, before looking to me apologetically. "I should–"

"It's cool," I said, nodding for her to leave before Miss Grant tracked her down. "Thanks again for the drink."

Kara flashed me a smile. "Anytime. See you later."

I watched her walk away, waving as she glanced over her shoulder. I found myself biting my lip to contain my own smile, feeling butterflies in my stomach.

Kara Danvers, assistant to Cat Grant.

Ever since she began working here, I found myself crushing on the blonde and her cute mannerisms. We were friends, occasionally hanging out outside of work and doing things together. But that's all it was, sadly. I knew she was friends with Winn – best friends, I think – and I also knew that the tech guy was practically in love with her. I didn't know him as well as I knew her, but I knew enough to not want to get in between the two of them. So, Kara Danvers remained a silly little crush.

I got back to my sketches, managing to draft up some mock-ups on Photoshop before my day ended. I was more tired than I thought that evening, ending up falling asleep earlier than usual. Which meant that I missed the biggest news in National City yet – a mystery woman saving a plane from crashing, possibly a new superhero.

I woke up the next morning to a million and one calls and texts from colleagues at CatCo, all expecting me to get on social media to post about this mystery woman. By the time I got to work that morning, I was caught up with everything and in awe at this new superhero we had. It was pretty darn awesome!

The amazement I felt however was short lived, as Cat was all over me when I got to the office, claiming I should have been on top of our social media coverage as soon as it happened. Apparently me falling asleep wasn't a valid enough point to miss it, so I was put to work instantly, working with the photography and marketing department to find some sort of coverage on this mystery hero.

As I was lining up some posts with the limited images available of this hero, I felt a presence stop by my desk and saw it was Kara.

"Morning," she greeted, before glancing at my computer. "Oh, so you heard?"

I chuckled. "Kind of hard not to. It's everywhere." I nodded to the many TVs around the office that were playing reruns of the news coverage from last night.

"Pretty cool, right?" she asked, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Very, but it also means I now have a lot of work to do, especially because I fell asleep when all of this went down," I said, jokingly. "Cat has been all over me about this all morning."

Kara laughed and it was literally the best thing I'd heard all day.

"So, I was actually hoping I could tell you something," she said, an excited smile on her face as she met my eyes.

I felt a little flustered under her gaze and found myself distracting myself with my computer screen momentarily.

"I actually have a lot of things to do right now,” I said regretfully. “Maybe later?”

Her smile faded as she nodded. "Right, no, yeah, that's totally fine. Sorry."

"No, no, don't apologise," I said instantly, feeling a little bad. "I just– if I don't get this done, Cat will kill me."

"I got it, you do this, it's cool," she said reassuringly, offering me a small smile.

"Sorry," I tried, a little sad that there was nothing I could do. I really needed to get this done, despite wanting to spend some more time with Kara.

"It's fine, good luck," she said, giving me a grin and thumbs up before leaving.

I sighed, before getting back to work. Unfortunately, it was a few hours before I could get away from my desk, and I managed to track down Kara at her own desk, remembering she wanted to tell me something.

"Hey," I said, earning her attention.

She looked up from her notebook, smiling when she saw me. "Hey, you manage to get that content done?"

"Just about," I said, before offering a small smile. "Sorry again for blowing you off."

She waved her hand dismissively. "It's fine, honestly."

"I'm free now though," I said optimistically. "Maybe we could grab an early lunch? You can talk to me then?"

Kara pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as she nodded slowly. "That sounds nice actually, yeah."

I felt a little relieved when she agreed. "Great. Well, I'll let you get your things and meet you by the elevator?"

She pursed her lips, suppressing a smile. "You got it."

We ended up getting lunch, as agreed, and it was nice to make it up to her. Though, I never really noticed that she never ended up telling me whatever it was that she wanted to tell me. I was so distracted by how smoothly our lunch was going that I forgot to ask her about it. Maybe if I'd asked, she might have told me the truth. Or she might have made something up and lied. I guess I would never know.

–

Did somebody say tiny umbrella drinks? #gottalovethetinyumbrellas #CatCoFoundation [image here]

I sent yet another tweet and picture out from CatCo's Twitter account, watching as it instantly got responses from everyone. I was at an event that Cat was throwing for all CatCo employees plus special guests. It was an event to raise money for Cat's foundation – a charity for children's hospitals in National City. My job was to live-tweet the heck out of the event, hoping to boost donations online.

It was a formal event, so I was comfortably dressed in some high-waisted pants and a silk blouse, it being my best attempt at 'formal' clothes.

The event wasn't too bad. There was free food and drinks, plus I got to hang out with some of my friends from work whilst doing the bare minimum. I just wasn't an evening person, I guess.

"Hey, stranger," a voice startled me, and I turned around, surprised to see Kara Danvers stood there.

I hadn't seen much of Kara in the past few months, despite working with her. She always seemed to be caught up with Winn, and she'd gotten quite close with the not-so-new guy, James Olsen. I wasn't stalking her or anything, but I began to notice when I would try to make plans with her like we used to – little things like grabbing coffee or going to watch a film after work – and she would decline or have plans already. Then I'd see her constantly being surrounded by Winn and James, so I figured she'd just made new friends.

"Kara," I breathed out, smiling as I took in her appearance. "Hey."

I hadn't seen her at all this evening and I was sure she just showed up because I definitely would have noticed how good she looked in that fitted red dress of hers.

"You look really nice," she said, looking me up and down before meeting my eyes.

"Thanks," I said, hoping my cheeks didn't look as warm as they felt. "So do you. You liking the event?"

Kara looked around, nodding. "It's beautiful."

"You did a good job," I said, giving her a knowing smile. "I know you planned it."

"This was all Cat, I just–"

"Kara, everybody knows you plan the events around here," I told her with a chuckle. "It's okay."

She smiled to herself, looking down. "Right." It went quiet for a moment before she looked up and said, "Do you want to dance?"

I was a little taken aback by her confidence, but nonetheless, I found myself nodding. She smiled as she held out her hand. I took it, feeling goosebumps from how soft her hands were.

She led me to the dance-floor, stopping and resting a hand on my waist, the other holding my hand. I nervously rested an arm on her shoulder as I focused on swaying to the music playing rather than stepping on her toes.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in a while," she said after a moment. I looked up and saw her blue eyes staring right through me.

"Well, we've both been busy," I attempted to give a reason.

She shook her head, smiling apologetically. "No, it's not that... it's my fault. I've been hanging out with James and Winn so much lately that I've been neglecting you."

I laughed a little awkwardly. "Kara, it's okay. You don't need to feel bad for having other friends. I mean, you don't have any obligations to me. They're your best friends. Of course you're gonna hang out with them."

She pursed her lips and I admittedly felt nervous as she stared at me, her expression unreadable. She was a little taller than me which didn't help with me trying to keep my emotions in check. She was extremely close to me as we swayed to the music and I could just about focus on it as she continued to stare at me.

"What if I want to have obligations to you?" she asked, and I almost thought she was joking until I realised that she wasn't.

I wanted to understand what she meant, but I didn't get to ask because she leaned forward and closed the gap between us with her lips. I was surprised at her boldness, pinning Kara for the shy type. Nonetheless, I returned the kiss, melting into her embrace and warmth.

We pulled apart soon enough, myself a little flustered from the kiss. My lips were still tingling as she met my eyes, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"I hope that was okay," she muttered.

I nodded slowly, still surprised. "Yeah, it was."

My stomach was doing somersaults as I mirrored her smile; the gala was merely a blur in the background as I realised Kara Danvers had just kissed me. I definitely wouldn't have thought she felt something for me other than friendship.

"I'm assuming you want this to go somewhere," I said, a little stupidly.

She laughed melodiously as she nodded, intertwining her fingers in mine. "That's the plan, yes. But actually, er..."

"Second thoughts already?" I joked, though inside I was genuinely believing she might be second-guessing her decision, judging from her sudden change of facial expression.

"No, no," she said, shaking her head. "It's just, I feel like we should talk first. I have to tell you something. Before this goes any further."

She sounded quite affected by whatever it was, so I nodded, losing my smile for a moment.

"Of course, you can tell me whatever you need to," I reassured her, giving her hand a little squeeze. "Do you want to talk now or after?"

She opened her mouth to reply, but tilted her head to the side as she grew distracted. I waited patiently, expecting her to snap back into reality, but she seemed caught up with something else.

"Kara? You okay?" I asked, growing a little concerned.

"What? Yeah, sorry," she said, shaking her head before meeting my eyes with apologetic ones. "I'm sorry, I have to go for a minute. I just realised I have to check on the desserts for the party."

"Oh, okay." I nodded, giving her a small smile. "You can tell me whatever it is afterwards then?"

She smiled, nodding. "Yeah. I'll be back after, I swear."

I believed her and watched as she let go of my hand, already in a rush to leave. I wondered what was so time-sensitive about desserts, but decided not to question it as I realised the very obvious and surprising fact that Kara liked me.

As she turned to leave, she quickly turned back to me and moved forward, pressing a haste kiss to my cheek. My face heated up as she flashed me a beautiful smile, before moving to leave.

Just danced with the most beautiful girl in the room #CatCoFoundation

I looked up and saw Kara by the door, about to leave, but she stopped when her phone vibrated. After glancing at the screen, she paused and a wide smile graced her lips. Her eyes lifted and she gave me a knowing look before disappearing. I found myself smiling like an idiot the rest of the night.

I guess I should have realised, once again, that Kara never ended up telling me whatever it was that she wanted to tell me. I was so caught up in the fact that she returned my feelings that I never remembered to ask her what it was that she wanted to say. Maybe if I'd remembered, things would have ended up a little differently.

–

Kara and I went on some dates, our relationship blossoming naturally. It was the best thing to happen to me at the time – finding someone who I thought truly understood me, and vice versa. We had inside jokes, an 'our song', a favourite restaurant we frequented; we were happy and it was amazing. I was really falling for her. I thought she was perfect. Nothing could change that, I thought. She was everything I wanted.

"What are you thinking about in that pretty little head of yours?" Kara asked, tilting her head to look at me.

It was moments like this when I was in awe of her beauty, inside and out. She was comfortable, with her hair tied in a loose ponytail and her face makeup-free. Her glasses were balanced on her nose as she stared at me with an easygoing smile and sparkling eyes. I felt a sudden overwhelming flood of love for her as she waited for me to reply.

"I'm in love with you," I blurted out uncontrollably.

She raised her eyebrows slightly, mouth agape as she realised what I said.

"I'm sorry," I said, shaking my head. "That was random. And weird. Too soon, right? I freaked you out. I'm sorry."

Kara blinked several times, straightening up as she shook her head. "No, it's not, it's..." I watched her with anticipation, as she found her words. "It's fine. It's... I feel the same way."

It was my turn to be surprised now. I raised my eyebrows, a smile forming on my lips. "You do?"

Kara pursed her lips, eyes flickering up to meet mine. "Yeah."

I breathed out. "I'm really happy to hear that, especially because I thought I freaked you out, but like, I feel like something is bothering you, Kara."

Resting a hand on hers, I squeezed it gently. She offered me a small, troubled smile and I wondered what was occupying her thoughts.

"I trust you," she said gently. "I do. I love you. And I... I want you to know that I think what we have is amazing. I've never been happier."

"This sounds like a breakup," I joked, chuckling nervously. She wouldn't break up with me right after saying 'I love you', right?

"No, no, it's not!" she reassured immediately, taking any doubt from my mind. She leaned forward and cupped my cheek gently. "I'm not breaking up with you, silly."

"Good to know," I said playfully, resting my hand on hers and moving it to my lips, kissing it softly. "What is it though? What's on your mind? You can tell me anything you know."

She nodded. "I know... I can. I will. Now."

I stayed quiet, watching as she had some inner conflict going on. What was bothering her so much?

"I want to say that I–"

But she was cut off by her phone ringing. She rolled her eyes and I offered her an approving smile as she reached to answer it.

"Alex, hey, what's up?"

I sat back, keeping ahold of Kara's hand as she listened to Alex on the phone.

"Are you sure?" Kara said, concern in her voice.

I wondered what was going on, as the blonde was scrunching her brows together with worry. Her hand slipped from mine as she stood up, pacing.

"Okay, I'll be there now," she finished, before hanging up.

"Hey, that sounded serious, is everything okay?" I asked, standing up, too.

Kara nodded, already in the process of grabbing her things. "Yeah, sorry, it's just some family stuff with Alex. I should get going and help her out." She stopped moving and turned to face me, a distracted frown on her face. "I'm sorry. I know we were supposed to spend the evening together and I wanted to tell you something, but–"

"It's fine, Kara, you can just tell me another time," I cut her off, moving forward and rubbing her arm gently. "I hope everything is okay with Alex. I'll just see you at work tomorrow, yeah?"

Kara smiled tightly, nodding. "You're too understanding. It's annoyingly admirable."

I chuckled, stepping forward and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. She had a few inches on me, so I had to step on my tip toes to reach, but seeing the little smile appear on her lips when I did made it worth it.

"Don't get stressed about whatever it is you wanna tell me," I added, meeting her eyes. "I'm sure it'll be fine. I love you and I'm really lucky to have you in my life. I don't think anything will ruin that. Just... remember that, okay?"

Kara nodded, her eyes flickering to the floor. "Thank you, Y/N."

"I'll leave you to it," I said, moving away to grab my coat and put on my shoes. "Good luck with whatever is up, and see you tomorrow."

As I was about to leave, her voice called out, "I love you, too."

I smiled widely at her before leaving, feeling lightweight because of all the love that was bubbling around inside of me. Once again, Kara managed to distract me from the fact that she had something big to tell me, as when I followed up the next day, she assured me that she just wanted me to know that she sometimes moved too fast in relationships and she didn't want me to feel like I was being rushed.

I believed her, blinded by what I thought was my happy ending, and that was that.

[trainsinanime]

Season 4, Kwamis and Trust

Let’s do like the show does and put Chat Noir aside for a second. With that I think the themes of season 4 so far (after Optigami was released) are very clear: It’s about Marinette growing up into her own version of the guardian, expanding on her leader role, and the bigger message of how trust isn’t easy but ultimately worth it. And this is expressed most directly through the Kwamis.

With the Kwamis, Marinette goes against established precedent both in terms of the lore, and in terms of what the show has shown us before. Established precedent is that Kwamis can’t be let out, and they can’t use powers on their own. They can’t be trusted with the responsibility. Master Fu said (or implied) so, Su Han said so, even the Kwamis say so. And Marinette kind of ignores all of them. Marinette lets the Kwamis out (to their delight), and she lets them use their powers without a holder. She’s a bit hesitant about it, but by Optigami, it’s a well established part of her strategic toolkit. She even gave them their own phone. Now we don’t have time to unpack whether she bought it or stole it from somewhere, but that shows she is placing a lot of trust in them.

Of course, when the Kwamis do stuff on their own, accidents happen every single time. The Eiffel tower gets destroyed, or displaced, or bouncy, or… honestly I want to see what Pollen, Mullo or Wayzz would do with it. So far these things haven’t had an impact on the actual plot of any episode, but Marinette makes it clear that she considers it a problem. So the show is not at all saying that placing this trust is completely without issues.

On the other hand, it works to Marinette’s advantage. That’s why she’s allowed herself to rely on the Kwamis to begin with, and in many episodes, she wouldn’t have had any other solution. The trust pays off; it is worth the (very real) cost.

This directly mirrors what Marinette is doing with Alya. She trusted her, and it has caused problems - as of Optigami, potentially a lot of problems. But it has also given her new freedoms and new abilities, like the anti-akuma charms. Trust, teamwork and breaking rules has made Marinette stronger, but it hasn’t been easy.

In both cases, the trust has been earned in some part through intentions and long-running relationships rather than individual actions. Marinette trusts the Kwamis because she knows they mean well, even though she is completely aware that they are not good at controlling their powers and avoiding disasters. In Gang of Secrets, Marinette trusted Lady Wifi not because she was acting trustworthy at that point, but because she has known Alya for a long time. That trust paid off, and paved the way for the Alyanette reveal. And when she gave her the miraculous permanently, it was again based on Alya’s overall performance, while being fully aware that Alya sometimes makes mistakes - just like the Kwamis, or Marinette herself for that matter.

This is a general thing with Miraculous Ladybug: The show acknowledges mistakes, but in the long term, it judges people on intentions more than actions. When Marinette causes the circumstances that lead to an akumatisation (as always, I want to stress that only Hawkmoth actually causes akumas), her failure is rarely one of intention; she generally means well. Her mistakes tends to be about execution, or not having thought enough about how her actions may affect someone. Exceptions apply, of course, especially when Adrien is involved, but they are just that: Exceptions. Usually she wants to help someone and does a not-quite-perfect job of it, and usually, she reaches her goal in the end, because her original intention was absolutely solid. Now, in season 4, Marinette is extending that same set of values to the Kwamis and Alya.

We have also seen the counterpoint to this theme of trust in the first few episodes: In Truth and Gang of Secrets, Marinette thought she couldn’t trust anyone; not Luka, not Alya, not Chat Noir and not even really the Kwamis. She was more busy trying to wrangle them than treating them as partners. All of that made her and the people around her miserable. It led to a break-up and made things much easier for Shadow Moth. By learning to trust people, even if it is against the rules, she was able to turn this around.

Let’s bring this back to our favourite kitty. Right now you will find a lot, and I mean a lot of meta that talks about how Marinette is leaving Chat Noir by the wayside, and how that means he’ll be very sad and this will lead to a big conflict later. And that may indeed be true. But I don’t think it’s what the season will be about (meaning I think this conflict will at most be a two-parter). If we take the show at face value, what we’ve seen about the season so far has been Marinette learning that trusting people is risky but worth it, and that rules to the contrary may need to be rethought.

The big payoff for this character arc of hers of this could be her just asking people for their phone when she needs it.

That, or the more exciting possibility: How about breaking the oldest rule, and trusting her closest and yet most distant friend completely? It’s risky but worth it. Is this season really headed for a reveal? I have no idea, but it seems like a logical progression for what Marinette is currently going through. Maybe with a bit of conflict on the way, sure, but that conflict isn’t the point. The trust is.

As for Chat Noir being sidelined? Honestly, parts of that may just be a time issue. Optigami was a busy episode with a lot of plot points, and it focused heavily on developing Marinette first, and Alya second. Something has to give, I guess. I think the episode did more hinting at a Djwifi crisis (which could be a blueprint for Ladynoir, by the way) than anything else. The show generally isn’t that subtle, and if this was supposed to be a setup for a huge Ladynoir conflict or Chat Noir depression spiral, then it was an incredibly weak one.

I know this goes against the grain of everything the fandom (including me) has been saying up to this point, yes. But also consider that we don’t know how Chat Noir-centric the unreleased episodes will be. I’m still guessing Marinette will be the more important character throughout the season, because that is how the show has literally always worked. But this is the first season where we got an episode that was focused strictly on Adrien, with Lies. And with episodes like „Gabriel Agreste“ coming up or Nino’s remarks in Guiltrip, I think that probably wasn’t the last Adrien-centric episode yet either. He’s got some stuff to figure out for himself as well before a reveal, or for that matter a big Ladynoir fight, would really make much sense.

At some point, I think it’s more interesting to look at the show that’s actually there instead of the show that isn’t, which is right now the Chat Noir focused one. We don’t actually know enough to do more than guess there, while the main story keeps on telling us how Marinette grows into her role as not just fighter but team leader, and what values she develops throughout that. The Kwamis are a crucial part of that process.

(This is mostly an expanded version of what I wrote yesterday.)

[holidaywishes]

then we‘ll start our life together

  Requested: 👍

  Summary/Request: Freddie starts to spend time with Jackson and keeps pressing to tell him the truth; the secret finally comes out to Fred’s parents; (Y/N) has to make a choice.

  Warning: fluff, maybe a tiny bit of angst but I wouldn’t count on it

  Author’s Note: Can I first say how much I love this GIF? He looks so fucking good, I can’t stand it. He’s smiling, he’s got scruff, the maroon/burgundy hat looks A-MA-ZING on him 🤤 Anyway, moving on. This is the last part of the request that @kayleafs221​​ sent me a while back that started as just a two-parter. We worked on part three together and I think it turned out really well but they really wanted the reader and Freddie together -- they just didn’t know how to write it. Enter: me! As much as I love writing angst, and as well as I think I can write it, I’m a hopeless romantic at heart so a happy ending is always in sight when I’m writing. It’s sort of a long chapter because of everything that needed to be fit in for it to be a happy ending without just... cutting to the happy ending. I hope you enjoy it! Stay Golden, my loves! <3!

  P.S. I'm sorry this took SO long to get out. I started writing it a bunch of times and then things happened around the house that took and held my attention. BUT I'M HERE NOW! It's snowing today when it was +20 yesterday and I've got a bunch of goodies to keep me focused on sitting down and writing. It's like being back in University writing my god damn thesis again 😂😂 ENJOY! By the way, this is the dress I was trying to describe, hopefully it came through!

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

Freddie’s P.O.V

  When you found out Jackson was yours, you felt a lot of things. You were mad that you didn’t get to have those first six years, frustrated that (Y/N) didn’t reach out to you to at least tell you that he was yours, but you were also happy that you were able to see him grow up now. When she asked you if you wanted to finally meet Jackson, you nearly screamed over the phone; like a fangirl

  “Relax!” she laughed, “you can’t say anything. I just told him a friend of mine was in town and we were going to meet him for lunch. He doesn’t know anything okay? And you can’t let on about.. anything”

  “I know. I promise I won’t”

  “Oh another thing,” she added, “wear a hat”

  “A hat?” you scoffed

  “He’s a smart kid and if he sees that you’ve got red hair, he’ll figure it out”

  “Fine, I’ll wear a hat” you teased

  “Thank you.” You were sure that you’d be able to keep yourself together but you had downed two glasses of water before (Y/N) and Jackson even got to the restaurant. When the hostess brought them to the table, your eyes went wide when you saw the little strawberry blonde boy clutching the hand of his mother; a perfect mix of you and her

  “Hey,” (Y/N) greeted with a smile, “Jackson, this is Freddie. Freddie, this is Jackson, my son”

  “Hi Jackson” you smiled, standing up excitedly earning a glare from (Y/N) as the little boy hid behind her legs

  “Sweetheart, can you say hi to Freddie?” she asked

  “Hello” he whispered

  “It’s nice to meet you, little man”

  “Let’s sit down, huh?” (Y/N) smirked, directly Jackson and you back to the chairs, “who’s hungry?”

  “Me!” Jackson exclaimed, earning a laugh from you before you all scanned the menu. You could feel (Y/N) watching the two of you as Jackson started talking about his sports teams, going from Soccer to Baseball to Basketball in one breath, his excitement palpable

  “Have you ever wanted to try Hockey?” you asked

  “I don’t know how to skate” he mumbled

  “We live in California,” (Y/N) scoffed, “there’s not a lot of ice there”

  “There are always rinks” you added, catching her angry glare that you knew meant you were getting dangerously close to exposing the secret she’d tried so hard to keep. “I can always help you learn...”

  “No way! Really?!” he exclaimed, leading your eyes to catch (Y/N) biting her lip insecurely

  “Only if your mom is okay with it. And if it’s something you really want”

  “Mommy, please!” he begged, “it’s the only one I haven’t tried! I wanna try! He can help me, mama!”

  “How about we eat first and then we can figure all that stuff out later?” she laughed and Jackson nodded happily, sitting back in his seat. It wasn't long into the meal that Jackson continued to beg to learn how to skate with you and you could feel (Y/N) become more agitated with you

  "Hey, Jackson," you interrupted his excitement, "what's your favourite snack?"

  "Mmm..." he hummed as he contemplated his answer, "black licorice!" (Y/N) scoffed and shook her head before peeking up at you

  "I don't get it," she replied, "no one actually likes black licorice unless they're like a.. grandma or something"

  "I love black licorice!" you exclaimed

  "You do?!" Jackson asked and you nodded. "SEE MOM! I TOLD YOU I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE!"

  "I know you did, baby" she sighed before Jackson excused himself to go to the bathroom

  "He's so cute" you began to coo

  "You're the only other person I know who actually likes black licorice"

  "Should I not have said that?" you winced

  "I don't know... he could think it's just a miraculous coincidence"

  "Look," you smiled, "it's a Danish thing. We all eat black licorice like it's chocolate. Should we tell him that?"

  "I--" she started, stopping only when he came back, "Hey sweetie! everything go okay?"

  "Yeah, mom.." he sneered

  "One of these days I'm not gonna ask and you're gonna miss it" she joked

  "Yeah right," he scoffed. When you finished the meal, Jackson told you that they were heading downtown to go to the CN Tower before you left, "wanna come?"

  "I don't know... what does your mom think?" you smiled and turned your gaze to (Y/N)

  "Mom thinks it's fine"

  "AND THEN WE CAN GO SKATING!"

  "Jackson..." she sighed, shaking her head while the three of you walked through the streets and made your way downtown to the city’s major tourist attraction. The ride up to the top, to the observation deck, was silent as Jackson got as close to the window as he could to look out at the city, letting you and (Y/N) linger near each other with each passing second. "He likes you" she whispered

  "He's a great kid" you whispered back and she smiled

  "He really is"

  "MOM LOOK!" Jackson pointed out to the city and she walked to him, kneeling down behind him so he could show her what he was seeing. You so wanted to be part of it but you knew you had to wait for her to say that it was time; she looked back at you with a soft smile before dropping her head against her sons shoulder.

xx

  When you and Jackson got back to California, he had so many questions about Freddie

  “Why did we hang out with him all weekend?”

  “Did you date?”

  “Why is he so tall?”

  “Is he gonna teach me how to skate?”

  “When are we gonna see him again?”

  You had to take a deep breath to try to answer his questions, telling him that you two dated a long time ago, that you lost touch and that you might never see him again but that seeing him now was enough.

  “But is he gonna teach me how to skate?” he asked again and you chuckled

  “I can teach you how to skate...” you lied

  “He said he wanted to though!”

  “Jackson.. baby, we’re not close to him. Physically. We can find someone to teach yo—”

  “I WANT HIM TO TEACH ME!” he whined, forcing you to furrow your brow at him

  “Jackson!” you tried to sound stern but your surprise kept creeping in

  “I DON’T KNOW WHY HE CAN’T TEACH ME!!! I WANT HIM TO TEACH ME HOW TO SKATE!”

  “JACKSON CALEB (Y/L/N)!” you yelled, “DO NOT YELL AT ME!”

  “I WANT—”

  “ENOUGH!” you shouted, “you cannot whine and yell and throw a temper tantrum and expect to get what you want. If you really want to learn how to skate, we can find someone but do not try to force me to do exactly what you want” you watched the corners of his mouth shift into a frown before his eyes brimmed with tears. “Baby, I’m sorry. I love that you want him to teach you but he’s so busy and he’s so far away, we can’t do it as easily as you think...”

  “Can’t he come here?” he asked softly

  “Sure he can,” you added, lifting him up onto the couch so you could kneel in front of him, “but it won’t be every day. It would only be when he’s here for work and that means he might not have a lot of spare time...”

  “But if we take lessons here then he’ll be able to see my progress!”

  “Absolutely kiddo!”

  “AWESOME!” he exclaimed, jumping off the couch and running to his room. You were left a bit in shock at the conversation but you could feel the need for Jackson to have a father figure creeping closer and closer. When your phone rang, you slumped onto the couch and answered it

  “Hello” you sighed

  “(Y/N)!! Oh my god!” Amalie greeted happily from the other line

  “Amalie? Hi... what’s going on?”

  “I saw the pictures of your little boy! He looks so much like Freddie. How come you didn’t tell us?!”

  “Hold on... slow down, what are you talking about?”

  “Fred called mom and told her the good news. We’re so excited to have another Andersen!”

  “He told you? About Jackson?”

  “Jackson, oh I love that name!” she cooed

  “I’m sorry, what exactly did he say?” you asked, curious how much Freddie actually said

  “He just called mom gushing about how he spent the whole weekend with his son. When mom stopped screaming with excitement, he said that Jackson,” she giggled as she said his name, “is great at sports but he doesn’t know how to skate yet, which my dad was shocked about” she laughed. “Mom had him on speaker obviously, so we all heard as he was talking to her. He was so excited to tell us about him. But, (Y/N)... why did you keep him from us?”

  “What?”

  “Look, no one else seemed to catch on that he was your son and that you and Fred haven’t seen each other in 6 years? But I did and I don’t get it...”

  “Freddie got traded and he had to hop on a plane and forget everything in California. I didn’t find out I was pregnant for another two months after he left so it wasn’t like I intended to... I thought about reaching out to him so many times but his life was so public and I couldn’t imagine putting my son through all of that without a choice”

  “But he’s Freddie’s son too” she countered and you could only shake your head to yourself. You were tired of explaining this to everyone

  “I know but I needed to protect Jackson above everything. Look, Fred and I discussed all this and we’ve agreed to let him get to know Jackson slowly”

  “And he’s okay with that?” you scoffed

  “He’s a little hesitant, sure, but he agrees that this is what’s best”

  “I just don’t want my big brother to get... cheated out of more time with his son”

  “He won’t”

  “I don’t want him getting hurt”

  “Amalie, I appreciate all of this. Honest, I do, but my job is to protect my son and sometimes that means keeping secrets from people...”

  “I don’t know, that doesn’t seem right”

  “I,” you started, calming your tone as you were starting to get agitated, “I have to go, Amalie. Tell everyone I say hi and I’m sure I’ll be talking with you all soon”

  “Bye!” You were almost fuming at the thought that Freddie went behind your back and told his family about your son

  “Hello” Freddie greeted from the other line

  “WHAT THE HELL FREDDIE?!” you shouted

  “(Y/N), what’s wrong?” he replied, playing dumb

  “You told your family???? I thought we discussed this, Freddie!”

  “I told my — I was excited. It slipped, I’m sorry” you dropped your head to your free hand and shook your head

  "I don't even know what to say right now..."

  "I promise Jackson won't know anything until you're ready"

  "Glad to hear it," you scoffed, "look, just run some of these things by me first. I'm not a huge fan of surprises, I'd like to be prepared if I have to defend myself okay?"

  "I get it, I'm sorry. It won't happen again"

  "Thank you" you smiled to yourself before dropping the topic. His voice calmed you down enough for you to take a deep breath and he spent the next 20 minutes telling you how much fun he had with you and Jackson and how he missed you already; you laughed and told him how much Jackson was pestering you about learning to skate

  "I'm sorry" Freddie said

  "No no!" you smirked, "it's okay, he's so excited. It's adorable. He actually yelled at me when I told him you couldn't teach him"

  "Really?" he asked, a lightness in his tone that brought you back to how the two of you used to be

  "Yeah," you admitted, "he really likes you. I think it's actually gonna be really easy to tell him; honestly, I think he'll be happy about it"

  "I'm happy to hear that," he replied, "so when are we gonna tell him?"

  "Don't push your luck, Mr. Goaltender. It's still gonna take some time" you weren't sure how much time but you knew you weren't ready for the truth to come out yet, no matter how well they were getting along.

xx

Freddie's P.O.V

  After (Y/N) found out that you told your mom, who in turn alerted the entire family, that you had a son, you were sure she'd be too angry to let him spend any more time with you.

  "We finally found him a teacher," she said over the phone, informing you about Jackson's time on the ice, "he's a great guy. Really positive with Jackson, really encouraging. J seems like he's having a lot of fun -- he keeps saying he can't wait to go skating with you"

  "That's great!" you exclaimed, "when will you guys be in Toronto?"

  "We won't," she said simply

  "Oh... I don't understand?"

  "Fred, my job isn't like your job. I can't just fly off to Toronto with my son"

  "Even on the weekends?"

  "Yeah, even on the weekends" she scoffed

  "So, what then? How am I supposed to take him skating and see where he's at with everything? How am I supposed to get to know my son when I can't even see him?"

  "Come here," she blurted out, forcing you to keep silent and take a seat on your couch, "whenever your next game in California is, take some time and come see us. We can meet you somewhere, we'd make that work"

  "I don't think I'd have any free time..." you answered

  "Just tell us when you're in town and we'll make it work. Trust me, okay?" she said and you could hear her smile, "I have to go but I'll text you later"

  "Okay" you sighed as you hung up the phone. You thought about how exactly you could make this work, because you really wanted to make it work, but the schedule was packed; you couldn't see a time for you all to get together. You texted her when you were in L.A. and told her that you had some free time over the weekend if she was okay to meet you there and she was quick to agree. When the three of you finally met up, Jackson excitedly jumped onto the ice to show you his skills and you stood behind the glass with (Y/N) to watch him skate a little before either of you joined him. "Thank you for coming out here," you said and she nudged your shoulder before sitting down on the bench to put on her skates, "I'm serious. I know my schedule's always been a little crazy but I appreciate you at least giving me a chance"

  "You know I can't skate right?" she laughed and you realized that she was struggling to tighten her laces

  "Hold on, stop" you laughed, kneeling in front of her to help her

  "This is a disaster," she scoffed, "I probably should just let you guys skate without me"

  "No way that's happening," he smirked, "it's too late for that"

  "You sure no one is gonna find us here?"

  "I'm sure" you replied, looking up at her before clearing your throat and sitting back on the bench to put your skates on. Her arm grazed yours, eliciting a flush of heat from you

  "You have to tell him you're proud of him," she said, laying her head on your shoulder as she watched her son skate slowly across the ice and you looked at her. You kissed the top of her head and just sat there with her for a while

  "I will" you whispered finally, forcing her to take her head off your shoulder and her eyes met yours as she smiled

  "Good" she whispered, her eyes drifting down to your lips as if she was waiting for you to make a move

  "MOM! FREDDIE!" Jackson yelled, taking the two of you out of the moment you were having

  "And... saved by the kid" you joked, dropping your head, preparing yourself to get up but not before she laid a sweet kiss on your cheek.

xx

  “You know, my dad taught me and my brothers how to skate and how to play hockey,” Freddie explained to Jackson as he helped you up from where you fell, “it’s a family tradition”

  “It is?” Jackson’s little voice asked, leading you and Freddie to smile

  “It is!” he replied

  “So why are you teaching me? Where’s your family?” you dropped your head in defeat

  “Uh, well..” Freddie stammered, looking at you briefly before turning his attention back to the boy

  “Baby, why don’t you skate ahead. Fred’s just gonna keep me from falling but we’ll be right behind you” you said softly while you continued to grip onto Freddie’s arm so you didn’t fall

  “I think it’s time to tell him” he laughed

  “He’s gonna hate me” you admitted, revealing the reason you hadn’t wanted to tell him after all these years

  “He’s not gonna hate you. You’re his mom, he loves you” he scoffed, nudging you with his elbow and you had to clutch onto him so you didn’t fall

  “Freddie!” you exclaimed with a laugh, “ugh. I’m gonna die out here, I’m sure of it”

  “We don’t have to tell him here, we could go out for lunch or ice cream. Go to the malt shop at the beach, anything. I just think we should tell him”

  “What happens when we tell him? What if it never.. what if it just always sucks after that?”

  “I’ll be there with you. Every step of the way. I promise, I won’t leave again”

  “You can’t promise that. Your career pulls you everywhere...”

  “But I won’t ever leave you. You can come with me, I would love nothing more, actually” he stopped and turned to you, holding onto your arms. “Live with me, travel with me. Toronto isn’t by the Pacific Ocean and it’s not always sunny but it’s a great place to be”

  “I don’t know... we’d have to talk to his teachers and make sure we find a school, a good school, where he could start at the beginning. You know, not like in the middle of the year...”

  “We can make that happen” he tried

  “What about his friends?”

  “We’ll make sure they all keep in touch. (Y/N), I want this to work. I want to be part of his life and I’ve always wanted to be with you. You know that, right?” your eyes danced between his as you prepared to answer him before you were interrupted by Jackson calling you

  “We’re coming!” you called back and let Freddie pull you toward him, letting you go when Jackson fell onto his knees

  “Alright it’s okay buddy,” Freddie cooed as you slowly drifted toward them, “you hurt?”

  “No,” he said proudly, “but I fell...”

  “Yeah you did,” Freddie continued, “but that’s okay. Sometimes you fall but you got back up, that’s the important thing” you smiled as you heard the two boys talking, feeling a sudden rush of love you had long since forgotten. “Wanna take a break and get some food?”

  “YEAH!”

  “Mom?” Fred asked, outstretching his hand to you

  “I’ll do anything to get off this ice” you laughed. The three of you made your way to a retro-style Diner, complete with red vinyl booths, and waited to order some food; all the while, Jackson was glaring at Freddie, “Jackson!” you scolded, “it’s not polite to stare like that”

  “Why don’t you take your hat off? Is it like permently glued to your head?” he asked Freddie, tripping up on the word he’d heard you say on occasion, earning a scoff from you and a laugh from Freddie

  “No, it’s not glued to my head” Freddie replied

  “So you should take it off. Manners”

  “You’re right” he added with a smile

  “He’s right” you sighed, anticipating his reaction when he saw Freddie’s hair for the first time. As you expected, Jackson gasped when Freddie took off his hat, as if seeing another person with red hair was this miraculous thing — though you always thought there was more blonde than red to his shade.

  “Your hair is like mine” he smiled and all you could do was wait. How do I tell him? you thought to yourself, stealing glances from Freddie

  “You’ve got your moms hair”

  “She always said that my hair was hers and my dads put in a blender” he laughed

  “I did say that, didn’t I?” you chuckled

  “Mom, is Freddie my dad?” he asked, the words hanging in the air as you tried to catch your breath

  “Uhm,” you started, clearing your throat as you watched Jackson keep his head down and eyes on the table, “what makes you say that, sweetie?”

  “Is he?” he repeated

  "Well, buddy," Freddie started, looking at you before you nodded so he knew he could continue, "yeah. Yeah, I'm your dad..." You both waited for him to react but he just sat there in silence, still not raising his head to meet your eyes

  "Sweetheart?" you whispered, kneeling in front of him, "Jackson, can you look at me?"

  "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly

  "She was just trying to protect you, Jackson" Freddie added, causing Jackson to quickly look up at him

  "You didn't know about me?" he asked again and you were finally able to see the tears roll down his sweet little cheeks

  "I--"

  "Why did you keep me from my daddy?!" Jackson yelled

  "Sweetheart, please, calm down" you tried but it was no use

  "NO!" he stepped back and kicking his chair in frustration, "everyone else gets a dad why not me?!"

  "Jackson!" Freddie tried when he noticed you had practically crumpled in your chair

  "NO!" Jackson repeated as he ran out of the diner

  "I'm so sorry everyone..." Freddie apologized to the group before you made your way outside

  "Jackson..." you whispered when you found him sitting on a bench a few feet from the diner

  "Go away" he cried

  "Baby, I know you're mad," you started, sitting down beside him before he moved away from you, "I loved Freddie, your dad, very much and he loved me the same. We met and, immediately, we clicked -- I always wanted to be around him, I missed him when he was gone and I didn't want him to ever leave when he got back. When he left, I was broken. Nothing really made sense anymore and I couldn't forgive him for leaving me like that. But then you came along and you became the most important thing in my life; you really changed everything" you smiled as he nestled into your side. "You deserve to have a dad, you deserve to know your dad, you're so much like him it's crazy" you chuckled before resting your cheek on Jackson's head. "Freddie's life is complicated. It's very busy but it's also very public; you don't have as much freedom to just... be a kid like you do with just me"

  "Is that why you didn't tell him?"

  "Sort of..." you replied, "I didn't think I'd ever see him again and my heart was so hurt but you are the most important thing in the world to me. I shouldn't have kept him a secret from you, I'm sorry"

  "So what now?" he asked

  "Well... I wanted to talk to you about something," you stammered, "Freddie and I have been getting close again, I still really love him. That kind of love is hard to forget, you’ll realize that one day, but he really wants to spend more time with you but his life is in Toronto..."

  "Yeah?" he said

  "Would you want to move there?" you asked, noticing him perk his head up

  "All of us would be together?" he asked

  "Yes and maybe you'll even get to meet Fred's family. Really get to learn the Andersen family traditions, the right way"

  "YES!" he exclaimed before hugging you tightly. "But mom?" he asked

  "Hmm?"

  "Can we call him dad?" you laughed at his question before nodding in response. You headed back inside to where Freddie was and Jackson jumped into the booth next to him

  "Whoa, hey there! So, I guess everything is okay now?" he laughed

  "We're gonna move to Toronto to live with you!"

  "You are?" he asked, looking at you for confirmation

  "Not right away," you corrected, "we have some stuff to sort out first but yes, eventually we'll be there with you. As a family" Freddie smiled in return at the idea of the three of you being a family

  “Perfect” he said and you couldn’t help yourself; that happy little grin on his face made it near impossible not to want to kiss him, so you leaned over your son and pressed your lips to his before your son tried to pushed the two of you apart

  “EW MOM, DAD, DON’T BE SO GROSS!” he whined and you smiled against Freddie’s lips

  “Dad?” he whispered and you could see the pride cover his face

  “Dad” you whispered back

  “I like the sound of that” he smiled, sitting back in the booth and bringing Jackson into his lap and for the first time in a long time, you could picture your life with Freddie and Jackson.

xx

2 Years Later

  “MY BABY BOY!” Charlotte greeted Jackson outside of the large, stone castle that you were to be marrying Freddie in a few hours

  “GRAMMA C!” he exclaimed, running to her so she could pick him up

  “Hey, Charlotte” you smiled, hugging her when she put down your son

  “Hi, sweetheart,” she said in your ear, “how are you feeling? You ready?”

  “Yeah..” you smiled to yourself, “I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life. Nothing has ever felt so right”

  “Why aren’t you upstairs?” she asked and you laughed

  “Jackson kept running around the castle and I didn’t want him to break anything so I told him that you were on your way and we should head out front to meet you,” you admitted, “so we came out here...”

  “It’s okay to be nervous,” she said, directing you back through the large wooden doors, “but he loves you and you love him and you’ve been waiting for this for a very long time. So have we” she laughed, guiding you back inside so you could get ready; draping your beautiful A-line Chiffon dress with a long train and a plunging neckline with a crystal encrusted v-neck back and buttons trailing your lower spine. You couldn’t help but spinning around to test the move-ability of the dress when Valdemar walked through the door

  “Oh sorry,” he stumbled nervously, “I didn’t mean to interrupt, I’ll ju--”

  “Valdemar, it’s alright,” you laughed, “come on in. I was just testing the dress”

  “You look beautiful” he cooed

  “Thank you” you replied

  “I was told to bring you this,” he said as he handed you an envelope, “it’s from Freddie” you chuckled when you finally looked at the envelope, seeing your soon-to-be husband’s handwriting

  “Thank you, Valdemar. Wait!” you said, stopping him before he left, “I have something for him to” you handed him your note and gave him a kiss on the cheek before he walked out of the room; leaving you in a separate part of the suite than your bridesmaids. As you read his note, all you could think was, I should’ve read this before I got my makeup done

  “Ready?” a voice asked you from across the room and you took a deep breath, turning to find Amalie standing by the door

  “I’m ready.” As you walked down the aisle, you noticed a smile glow brightly on his face and the same one was reciprocated on yours

  “We come now to the words Freddie and (Y/N) want to hear the most today,” the Officiant started, “the words that take them across the threshold from being engaged to being married. A marriage, as most of us understand it, is a voluntary and full commitment. It is made in the deepest sense to the exclusion of all others, and it is entered into with the desire and hope that it will last for life. Before you declare your vows to one another, I want to hear you confirm that it is indeed your intention to be married today. Frederik, do you come here freely and without reservation to give yourself to (Y/N) in marriage? If so, answer ‘I do.’”

  “I do” Freddie smiled and the Officiant continued

  “(Y/N), do you come here freely and without reservation to give yourself to Frederik in marriage? If so, answer ‘I do.’”

  “I do” you whispered back with a smile

  “Frederik and (Y/N), having heard that it is your intention to be married to each other, I now ask you to declare your marriage vows. Please face each other and hold hands,” the Officiant directed, “Frederik, please repeat after me… I, Frederik, take you, (Y/N) to be my wife”

  “I, Frederik, take you, (Y/N) to be my wife” he repeated

  “I will share my life with yours and build our dreams together” the Officiant continued

  “I will share my life with yours and build our dreams together”

  “Support you through times of trouble and rejoice with you in times of happiness”

  “Support you through times of trouble and rejoice with you in times of happiness”

  “I promise to give you respect, love and loyalty”

  “I promise to give you respect, love and loyalty”

  “This commitment is made in love, kept in faith, lived in hope and made new every day of our lives“

  “This commitment is made in love, kept in faith, lived in hope, and made new every day of our lives.” It was then your turn to repeat the same vows and then continued with the ring exchange until it was finally time to announce your new relationship

  “I am pleased to present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Andersen!” you smiled before you opened your mouth in surprise and turning to Freddie

  “We’re married!” you replied

  “We are” he returned as the two of you made your way back down the aisle into the castle. The reception was everything you didn’t know you wanted and Freddie got all of his Danish traditions that the two of you had discussed during all the months of planning and it was perfect. You danced all night, you drank too much and sang call and response songs with the guests, you spent most of the night in a pair of fuzzy slippers that Freddie surprised you with and you made sure to get as many pictures with everyone as possible; but the most important thing to you was that Jackson and Freddie were by your side

  “My two beautiful boys. My lovely men. I love you both so much. SO MUCH!” you drunkenly slurred as you kissed each of their cheeks

  “I think it’s time you get some water” Freddie smirked

  “That sounds good”

  “Mom?” Jackson asked as Freddie made his way to the bar to grab you a glass

  “Yeah?” you asked, moving his soft hair behind his ear

  “What happens now?”

  “You really like that question, don’t you?” you laughed, just as Freddie returned with an almost overflowing glass of water

  “Here you go, Elske” he said and kissed your forehead before taking his seat next to you

  “Thank you, husband” you cooed, leaning in for a kiss

  “You’re welcome, wife” he smiled before kissing you softly

  “Baby, to answer your question,” you turned your attention back to Jackson, “what happens now is that we start our life together. As our own little unit, our little family. We’ll go on adventures, you’ll go to more games and we’ll all celebrate the wins together and cope with the losses together. It doesn’t matter because we’ll all be together”

  “Does that sound good?” Freddie asked and Jackson nodded. You directed them out onto the dance floor for one final dance before Charlotte and Ernst had agreed to take Jackson upstairs so he could get some sleep. Guests started to make their way to you to say goodbye and, before long, it was just you and Freddie left alone in the ballroom

  “Hey,” you whispered as his fingers traced along your thigh, “wanna dance?”

  “Yeah” he whispered back before bringing your face to his, kissing you slowly but intensely. You tucked yourself close to his body, letting his heartbeat guide your movements before you were left alone in silence, not realizing everyone had cleared out. “Can you believe that we get to spend the night in a castle?”

  “Can you believe we’re married?” you giggled, your head still resting on his chest

  “I can,” he admitted with a laughed, “I just can’t believe it took us this long”

  “Good things come to those who wait” you teased

  “Yes they do”

  “I love you, husband”

  “I love you, too, wife.”

[the-darklings]

coa one year later & self-reflection

(*drags out a creaky metal chair and plops down on it heavily*)

Hi. It’s me, ya boi skinny--

Wait, wrong one. Do over.

Hi, it’s me, Kat, and I’m not dead. Clearly. Today being one year anniversary of COA has kinda put me in a reflective mood, so I guess I decided to sit down and just...talk about some things, thoughts and feelings I’ve been bottling inside for a hot sec. Especially given how radio silent I have gone on here and people deserve a bit of perspective. 

And before anyone starts worrying, it’s all good, and I’m still around and currently in good health for the most part. 

So, let’s take it back to the start. Regardless of how dramatic it may sound, we need to go back a year for that. 

By technicality alone, COA actually turned one year old on October 12th. That’s when the first part was posted. However, the reason I’m treating today as the aforementioned birthday is simple: I had no intention of this story ever being more than a short two-parter. I told this to the discord gang already but COA was only going to have two parts. V was going to die in Tokyo and the rest of the story follows glimpses of John throughout the movies and it’s her ghost that haunts him. Skipping ahead, it was going to have a bittersweet ending of John eventually dying, having completed his task, only to be greeted by V, Daisy and Helen in the afterlife. A peace of sorts. Then, I realised that, well, no. I have more to say on this world and intrigue about this placeholder character V kept growing. 

November 1st happened and I made a very last minute call to continue COA but with the added pressure of doing it during NaNoWriMo 2019. And boy did I. Most of the story was figured out during that very intense month. I posted Part 2 on this day a year ago because I was so eager to share it. Perhaps, in retrospect, a bit too eager. 

For those of you who may not know this, I work as a writer full time for my actual every day job. I’m the main writer for an original webcomic called In the Bleak Midwinter on Webtoon.com and have been for almost two years now. Getting what is essentially your dream job is amazing. I’m very lucky on that front but it also taught me stark realities of having your job and only hobby overlap. It’s a dangerous creative mix. Especially because I was not used to being constraint in what I create or the feeling like I have to please anyone else. Writing as a job is a whole other avenue of creative exhaustion. I love my job a lot and am very, very lucky to have it but it doesn’t change the fact that those initial stages made me fall back on COA a lot for creative freedom that I craved so desperately. To an unhealthy degree looking back on it now. 

But going back to November last year. NaNo time. I did it. Finished on the 24/25th I believe. A juicy final count of 52k+. All while maintaining a weekly update schedule for a fic that usually hit around 10k per update, if not more, even during those early days. Add writing an original story on top of that. Writing every day for hours on end (we are talking 10-12hr days) without any time for other hobbies or time for myself in general. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Losing weight and sleep in the process. I think the thing that convinced me that I should continue doing so is the fact that the outpour of support for COA ended up surpassing anything I ever expected or even dared to hope for. I’m not a huge numbers person but the outpour of love and just sheer investment in the story and characters blew me away. John Wick fandom is on the smaller side and has been going through downtime when I posted COA so my expectations were...well, small tbh. I like keeping expectations low to avoid any disappointments in general. But I’ve also always had an issue of being a massive 0 or 100 kind of person. If I love something, it consumes me. In this case, it brought me as much joy and freedom as much as it was steadily pushing me towards the ultimate crash. 

That being said, I can’t thank you all enough for every comment, like, reblog and message and fanart. You’re the reason I got this far. With your support. It brightened some really dark days for me.

But. 

To be frank, it’s never been about you guys. I never wrote or pushed because I felt like I had to appease anyone. That creative mindset is pure poison and I long since learned to let go of it. I kept pushing and kept working myself to the bone because I liked it. I liked how reading peoples’ responses made me feel. I liked the addictive nature of reading all the comments and theories after an update. I loved the idea of brightening peoples’ days and giving them something to cheer them up after what might have been a shitty day. Even if that was at expense of my own time/well being. But for a long time, it wasn’t. I love writing a lot but facts remain facts. 

It was beyond unhealthy and burnout wasn’t a question of if but when and that when was approaching at neck-breaking speed. 

So we come to the end of November. Part 4 has just come out. People were invested and I was invested alongside them. I was just finishing up Part 5 which (back then) was the biggest single chapter I’ve ever written and god I still recall my sheer dread because that was the beginning of Santino being established as a LI. Looking back on that now, it’s downright hilarious how worried I was about the reception of him and V together after John.

So honestly, I hit burnout at around Part 8. Because that’s the first time I recall struggling with writing a chapter. Part 8 came out on December 28th. I had a brief break for holidays. But my mistake was not taking longer back then. Because I continued writing with a barely healed burnout. Followed by almost a year of struggling and continuously creating through that state. It wasn’t like I eased off the pressure, either. Oh, no. The chapters grew in size, the world and the characters with it. AUs amassed quickly and while I adore every single one - again, I didn’t know how to pace myself well enough.

I’m spiteful though. The more the chapters struggled the more I pushed against the burnout. By the time Chicago arrived, however, I knew I was in trouble. I ended up writing 43k+ in a span of 2 months, I believe. And while to some it may not seem like a lot given the time frame, it’s a lot when you’re burnout to a crisp & writing an original story for work + deadlines. Which I was burned out and then some. Chicago was something I was looking forward to writing for months. I have built it up since Part 4. It was a long time coming. So while I’m still proud of it, I would be lying if I said that some scenes were not sacrificed for the sake of keeping to my invisible schedule that no one but me actually cared about. You guys have always been patient. I never felt pushed into anything. It’s always only ever been me doing the harm. 

Chicago was the downwards spiral for me mentally. I felt like I was failing to live up to my own expectations. That people were drifting away from it. I was plagued by the thought that the story I poured so much into was falling apart and growing weaker. Which this has always been an issue with me: I am my own harshest critic. Always have been. In fact, I’m a downright mean little fucker when it comes to just tearing at myself. I know writing is for fun - and it is - but I still like the idea of being proud of my work which only made everything worse despite the love each update received. 

This takes us to the beginning of June. Specifically, June the 2nd. Or, as I like to call it: Kat Makes Another Impulsive Decision but This One Actually Works Out For the Better. On this day, I created the COA Discord server. And damn, I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting when I did ngl. I did it for fun and as an escape more so than anything. But somehow it ended up being the best decision I made in a long while. I know some of you are reading this. So love you lots, dorks. It’s such a privilege to be able to call so many of you my friends even outside of COA now. That little community has given me some of the best memories from this year and helped me to crawl out of my own metaphorical pit I was stuck in. Mentally, I’m doing much better than I did beginning of this summer. Which could be summed up as a constant self-hatred cycle and a feeling of inadequacy. 

That, however, does not mean my burnout magically disappeared. If anything Chapter 17 just put a nail in the coffin so to speak. 2020 has been a shitty year just across the board for obvious reasons I don’t need to go into here but that can only partially be attributed to my mental state. Chapter 17 was...exhaustive. To say the least. But I was determined to stick with my vision and not split it up. I was also starting to be a bit more forgiving towards myself in terms of how long I may take to write it thanks to guys on discord though the feeling of failure and worry never quite faded fully. I’m proud of Part 17. Truly. But that was also when I hit rock bottom creatively on COA. It drained me completely. 

I tried writing Part 18 for weeks after, day in and day out, not getting past the first scene and hating every word I wrote. So I took a deep breath and stopped. Figured I let it marinate and wait instead of trying to piece one of the most crucial chapters in this story like some Frankenstein monster two sentences at the time.

So my solution was simple: give myself some distance from it and write other things. Get my spark back. Of course that’s always a good idea. Having multiple creative escapes is the best thing you can do for yourself creatively. There was just one tiny little problem. 

I was still burned out. Still am. The problem went deeper than just being burned out over COA. I was burned out over writing itself. 

Which is an issue for a person who only has writing as a creative outlet.

I don’t have any other way to express myself. So I was stuck in a runt, trying to write because it’s the only thing that makes me genuinely happy even when I really shouldn’t have. And let me tell you. It’s a shitty fucking feeling. My burnout worsened. I had a thousand ideas but every time I tried to get them down it felt forced, fragmented, and weak. Repetitive and dry. Now, this is also in part because English isn’t my native language, so my vocab is limited as a result, but I hit that sweet rock bottom in that regard, too. 

So, I worked on V (but in her OC form Clara), Lucien and The Elites. All those characters have grown so much since you last read about them. I have multiple original projects planned down the line that will feature all of them existing in their own world, with their own stories and no longer constrained by JW canon.  

Which, finally, takes us to the end of October and beginning of November 2020. 

I was convinced that the best course of action was to do NaNo again but with an original story this time (involving V). Suffice to say, it took a grand total of maybe 5-6 days and hating every second of writing it while also feeling like this project I’m so passionate and excited to write (still am) is just...going down the toilet to be blunt, to realise I may have made the wrong call. 

Still, the stubborn ass that I am, I pushed through. Convinced I can get into it if I just keep going. The realizations that I am sharing with you right now won’t have been possible if it hadn’t been for a rather curious turn of events about a week and a half ago.

I recently bought a gaming laptop, all in preparation for Cyberpunk 2077 dropping ofc. But, in the meantime, I kept recommending a game to a friend on the COA server. That game? Far Cry 5. (It’s a blast to play btw, just a side note.) And playing it brought back all the feelings of nostalgia from the days when I used to write for that fandom. So I revisited some old work. Checked the stuff I never published and that has been sitting ducks in my docs for months and hoo boy. Let me tell you it was a vibe check of the worst kind. 

The stark difference in the prose and the ease with which it flowed was...startling. It made me remember why I love writing so much and how proud I used to be of what I wrote back in the day. Which is not to say I’m not proud now, but it was just such a sharp dip in quality it was impossible to ignore.  

So I didn’t.  

I paused NaNo, moving it to another month. I paused writing for everything but work, which with our season coming to an end I will also get a rest from soon, too. I kinda paused in general. For the first time in a while, I finally forced myself to switch off. Rest. 

The reason why I haven’t been on here is simple: guilt and not having energy to be on here. I like making my blog a safe space for everyone. Similar to escape it has become for me. I couldn’t pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. I felt obliged to perform and being here became exhausting. I haven’t been checking my inbox. Haven’t done much of anything except occasionally dropping by and reblogging a random post so people know I’m alive.

And that’s that, folks. That’s where I am currently. Resting. Completely exhausted mentally but resting. Getting my energy back. 

So where does that leave us, huh? If you read this far, dunno what to tell you. Thanks, I suppose. It’s still odd to think people actually care about my existence sometimes.

I know what you’re likely thinking, too. So does this mean COA is never gonna be finished? What is gonna happen to it? Are you abandoning it?

The answer: no. 17 out of 25 chapters and 250k+ in, I’m too far in not to give it a proper conclusion. Not because I owe it to anyone other than myself. I want this story to be a stepping stone for my future as a writer. I want to prove to myself that I can get this done and finish it. As of right now (as you can no doubt tell with how long it’s been since last update) it’s on a soft hiatus while I rest. This rest? Not sure how long it may last. Right now, my plan is till mid December at which point I will reevaluate. Ideally, I finish the year with an update. But my New Year’s resolution is to finish COA. That timeline has become a little more murky now but, again, ideally it’s within the first quarter of 2021. Will that happen? I don’t know. And I don’t want to make false promises, either. 

All I’m saying is that it will be done. I’m just no longer sure how long, exactly, it may take me to reach that Epilogue. I don’t expect many people to stick around for however long it may take me, but if you do, thank you. Truly. I really and deeply mean that. 

So what’s on the cards for this blog in the meantime? Well, CP77 is coming out in under a month (if it doesn’t get moved again lmao rip) and I expect that to be my soft return to posting my writing on here again. We will see where the muse takes me, if at all. Regardless though, I’m excited. 

One doctorate thesis later, here we are at the end of this really long rambling session. I hope that this has given you some perspective on things going on behind the scenes. I spared you some of the gorier details but I think this post has been long overdue. I suppose I, myself, was just too unwilling to face these things despite knowing about them deep down for a while now. I’m too self-critical not to notice but acting on correcting this behavior has been a whole other matter clearly. 

Thank you for reading this post, my writing in general, and supporting me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still around. More is on the way in the future. I’ll be seeing you all real soon. And all my love to all of you. 

Love,

- Kat.   

[fwoopersongs]

《红颜旧》 - afterthoughts

We were talking about the three songs 《红颜旧》, 《风起时》 and 《赤血长殷》 from Nirvana in Fire in Langya Hall back in January. Someone wanted a poll to find out which was our favourite among the three, and thinking of how to answer that made me realise I couldn’t remember which I liked the most! So of course I had to go listen to them again, right? As it turns out, though it’s been about five to six years since first hearing them all, I still have quite a bit to say…

This will be the first of a three-parter on the NIF drama songs. I'll be rambling on (really just a whole lot of rambling lol) about my thoughts, feelings and new stuff found in the elapsing time between 2016 and now for 《红颜旧》. There’s also been so many translations! WOW. At least 6 full ones from English to Chinese - some of these have really interesting notes! One retelling in classical Chinese following the style of the Classic of Poetry (Shijing) and one tumblr meta about its use in the drama. There are many things I love about everyone’s work so I’ll definitely be mentioning them later as we go on.

Feel free to join in and chat, because nif song talk will always be welcome in this blog ~

The non-exhaustive list of 《红颜旧》 translations: 19 Oct 2015, Changing Face by 墨白妈妈 04 Dec 2015, Aging of a Beauty (and translation notes) by Joyce 02 Jan 2016, Fading Beauty by Fwoopersongs 03 Feb 2016, Bygone Beauty by xjc396 24 Jun 2016, 《红颜旧》by Yvonne 23 Mar 17, Shijing style classical chinese by 之梦轩主人 06 May 2017, Faded Beauty by Kana @chiyanjun 30 Jan 2021, The Aging of Beauty, chorus only & meta on its use as an insert song in Episode 54 by @hunxi-after-hours.

All the kudos to Joyce’s ‘Notes Made When Translating: Aging of a Beauty’ because her cultural notes and analysis are just so good!!!! She did it for the other two songs and also the NIF game theme too. Would strongly recommend checking those out as I learnt a lot and had a fantastic and rather educational time reading them \o/ rabbit holing in song translation is such a MOOD.

ORIGINS

Lyricist: 袁亮 Music & Arrangement: 赵佳霖

Originally released as 《忍别离》 Endure Separation, the third song of Cui Zige’s guofeng themed album 《小美人》 The Little Beauty in Dec 2013, 《红颜旧》 was later adopted as an insert song of the 2015 drama, Nirvana in Fire. I thought it was specially written as Mu Nihuang’s character song, but apparently not! But it’s really the beauty of music and credit to whoever picked it that it’s just so easily relatable to her.

The one difference I can spot between the two songs would be in the last line, likely as an improvement for better flow:

不变是此情悠悠 - 《忍别离》 bù biàn shì cǐ qíng yōu yōu 唯不变此情悠悠 - 《红颜旧》 wéi bù biàn cǐ qíng yōu yōu

TITLE

As both Joyce and Yvonne have noted, 红颜 | hóngyán is used here to refer to the lovely features of a beautiful woman. 

Although 红颜 is more often used to refer to a woman, sometimes in poetry it also evokes the image of a youth, young men or boys in the peak of health with fresh faces and pinkish-red cheeks. For example, this poem by Shen Yue of the Northern and Southern Dynasties and also this one by Du Fu of the Tang Dynasty. Before, I vaguely knew of the word 红颜 through the chengyu 红颜知己 | hóngyán zhījǐ, which one would call a close female friend and confidante. A relationship with a 红颜知己 is somewhere between platonic and romantic. Something like how we imagine Lin Shu and Nihuang’s relationship would have been like once upon a time.

Then comes 旧 | jiù, a word with many meanings! Yvonne covers most of them in her little preface; something worn out, something old, something from the past, perhaps an old lover.

Most of us seem to have gone with the ‘old’ or ‘growing old’ shade of meaning; choosing to use ‘beauty’ for 红颜, and rendering 旧 either as an ongoing process of aging/fading or as something of the past that is faded or bygone. There is something melancholy about this title I think, in the passing of a lady’s youth and beauty, but something strong in there too, in a young face that is aging with grace.

My first attempt at the title before making any attempt at translating the song was ‘Lady Love of Old’ and it was left as that for some time before I gave in to a nagging feeling and changed it to ‘fading beauty’, then eyed ‘bygone beauty’ for some time. I can still see it as all the options though. Especially when squinting (figuratively xD) and that’s why I prefer to call it hongyanjiu to this day. That way you don’t lose any shade of the meaning...

And oh! An interesting exception among us would be 墨白妈妈 who went with Changing Face, as a reference to the William Butler Yeats poem ‘When You Are Old’.

“But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face”

And you know what? This is so valid. I like it a lot as well!

OKAY, and now for the song! I’ve gone as literal as possible for all the interpretations. I’ll go over it line by line for interesting points in the original lyrics, plus across the various translations. Maybe a little bit afterwards on more feelings and/or why I chose to deviate a bit sometimes.

INTRO

西风夜渡寒山雨  A west wind blows past in the night; in the cold mountains, rain falls. 家国依稀残梦里  With home and country indistinct in fragmented dreams, 思君不见倍思君  thinking of him but not seeing him, my longing doubles. 别离难忍忍别离  Parting is hard to bear, but it is borne.

One of the things I’ve learnt since 2016, is that 西风 | xī fēng, a wind from the west is often associated with autumn wind, and with it a certain heaviness, sorrow, grief and loneliness. As an example, this poem (in English here) by Song Dynasty minister and poet, Ye Mengde, which I love for its imagery in the first two lines.

《水调歌头·霜降碧天静》 - Water tune prelude · after the snow falls // 霜降碧天静 秋事促西风 | after the snow falls, the azure sky is clear and all is quiet; autumn preparations are hurried by west winds. 寒声隐地初听 中夜入梧桐 | the whooshing of that chilling wind, indistinct in the beginning, rustles the parasol trees as we enter into the night

Photo source

渡 | dù, a word I’ve been thinking about lately, has multiple meanings. Crossing (a river), to cross, ferry or move pass. Here, because the location is in a 寒山 | hán shān cold mountain, the 渡 would be referring to the west wind blowing past. Both 墨白妈妈 and Kana used ‘sail’ in their first line as a nod to the word’s other meanings, which is very clever and a really nice touch because it calls the same associations to mind.

残 | cán, the word for fragmented of 残梦里 | cán mèng lǐ - within fragmented dreams - is the same as that of the word for cruel, 残忍 | cán rěn. When I first heard the song with the lyrics in front of me, I didn’t know 残梦 was a word by itself and understood it as ‘cruel dreams’. Home and country as you remember them being dangled in front of you, but barely in sight and out of reach. I still like that interpretation right now, and thus kept the line as is.

For the line 思君不见倍思君, the word 君 | jūn here refers to a man who could be her husband, could be a beau, could be a friend - Joyce covers it all already!

Special mention for 倍 | bèi, meaning many times over or double in this context of 倍思君: it was difficult to express that feeling (I gave up xD) of thoughts reaching out for someone, finding a void and only able to settle back - not subsiding but growing instead. It was so cool to see that someone did manage to capture it in the end! In Kana’s ‘Missing you but not seeing you, twice does the yearning grow’, that return of the yearning twofold is expressed so elegantly!

The fourth line of the intro along with some of the lines from the next verse calls one of Li Shangyin’s untitled poems to mind, so I’ll introduce it below.

VERSE 

狼烟烽火何时休  When will the beacons of war rest? 成王败寇尽东流  Victors become king, losers - outlaws; it all flows east (to the sea). 蜡炬已残泪难干 Although the candles have burnt till only reside is left, it is difficult for tears to dry. 江山未老红颜旧 Before the mountains and rivers grow old, the beauty ages.

For the first two lines, Joyce already covers them with a really detailed explanation and pictures. Do go check that out if you haven’t already! I especially enjoyed learning about 狼烟 | lángyān, beacon fire, or more literally, ‘wolf smoke’, possibly being named that because a component of it may or may not have been wolf dung. She also digs into the next line pretty thoroughly. I’d just like to add on something I found out about the origins of the chengyu! (It’s a bit of a rabbit hole, so feel free to skip!)

The exact phrasing of 成王败寇 | chéng wáng bài kòu, succeed - hailed king, defeated - condemned outlaw, originates (at least, this exact phrasing does) from one of six short poems by Liu Yazi (1887 - 1958), a Chinese poet and political activist, for his review of the book《太平天国战史》on the Taiping Rebellion by Sun Yat Sen.

Rough interpretation following as I’m not familiar with the context, and none of this information is available in English:

成王败寇漫相呼，直笔何人纵董狐 chéng wáng bài kòu màn xiāng hū, zhí bǐ hérén zòng dǒng hú Victors are hailed king, losers condemned as outlaws, on this, all are in accord. (But) when it comes to penning down history, is there anyone who will give Dong Hu free reign?

(Confucious praised Dong Hu as a good historiographer of the Spring and Autumn period. His rule for writing was not to never conceal the truth.)

Snapshot source

Alright, back to 《红颜旧》!

Special mention to the Chinese classical poem rendition, because I really love the rhythm of this line: 王兮寇兮，滚滚东流 wáng xī kòu xī, gǔngǔn dōng liú, which is like (you can ignore 兮 unless it amuses you to read it as HEY! it’s actually a slightly gentler dragged out sound, but I heard it sung once in hokkien and the heyyyyy stuck fast xD) king, outlaw & the river surging east. But the word for surging is 滚滚, which also reads as boiling/raging/surging. When pitted against overwhelmingly powerful forces of nature, like raging rivers, like time, titles and labels are just words that feel so insignificant.

For line 3, 蜡炬已残 | là jù yǐ cán, is like ‘of the candle, only remnants are left’ and the following photo is roughly the image that pops into mind.

Why candles? Because recall:

a west wind blows past in the night; in the cold mountains, rain falls.  with home and country indistinct in fragmented dreams, thinking of him (but) not seeing him, my longing doubles. parting is hard to bear, (but) it is borne.

It is still that cold Autumn night. 

The last line of this verse is, 江山未老红颜旧, literally ‘before the mountains and rivers grow old, the beauty ages’. And the beauty of this (if you’ll pardon the pun) is that both the kingdom and the mountains and rivers? They are ageless. The passage of time will only be apparent to and on her.  For this, I love love love how xjc396 puts it as ‘lands 'nd rivers are in bloom, but my beauty is past’, because of that wistful? mournful? feeling evoked by the contrast of placing something at its zenith and another in decline side by side.

And oooooo, so as mentioned before, there’s a little poem rabbit hole for the last two lines which extends also to the chorus. I’ll introduce it at the end of all this.

CHORUS Part 1

忍别离， Bear the parting, 不忍却要别离， even if you can’t, we still must part. 托鸿雁南去。 Entrusting the geese to go South, 不知此心何寄。 I do not know how to send this heart.

Again, Joyce has our backs with her Notes Made When Translating (thank you!!!!! haha I don’t know how you did it, and with such beautiful pictures too!).

It’s pretty obvious even at the first glance that we all have rather different styles. After all, in translation - at least, how I see it, the differences come from how we’re always balancing between these three things:

And of course, any personal associations we have with certain words in both the source and target language. Maybe there are more things? Idk hahaha. I’m just a hobbyist >.<. Back to the song!

So so so there are two versions that are similar which I like a lot, and then one which surprised me at first but then grew on me more and more. Starting with the two that I like:

Faded Beauty: I plead the birds to bring my message south. But how do I send my heart with them? 《红颜旧》: I entrust the swan-geese flying south with my heart, but I don’t know where to tell them to send it

The main difference being in their interpretation of 何 | hé in 不知此心何寄, which can mean both how and where. 

‘I may write my hopes and longing into a letter and send them to you, but that isn’t enough. It does not convey my heart - would that I may be by your side too!’ - That is my understanding for ‘how’.

‘I would send my letter and my heart to you, if only I knew where (because you are no longer here)’.  - This is my understanding for ‘where’.

I leaned toward the latter for my final version because 《红颜旧》, with its melancholy and resolve, feels like a ‘after Chiyan’ song. But really, I love both interpretations and regret that they must be split in English (but aha therein lies the awesomeness of multiple translations. It’d be weird if I post several versions of one song, but if a bunch of people do it together…)

The one that surprised me: 墨白妈妈: Letters may reach you. Envelopes fail to bear my heart

And just as as another example of a poem in which the poet sends his longing home with the returning geese (um metaphorically).

《次北固山下》- Stopping at the foot of Beigu Mountain // 乡书何处达 归雁洛阳边 | Where might my letter to home be delivered? With the returning geese to Luoyang.

CHORUS Part 2

红颜旧， The lady ages; 任凭斗转星移， Let the Big Dipper turn and the stars shift (and time fly), 唯不变此情悠悠。 with only these feelings remaining unchanged, unwavering.

THIS. This is the turning point of the song. Parting, war, home and country distant, pointless conflict, passing time wasted - keenly felt, lost bearings. But the bedrock of her resolve is love. And with that, though it is painful, even when she’s grieving, feeling unmoored, her love is unwavering. 

The fact that it’s the last line but sung without calling any attention to it just before the verse and chorus repeats... it’s like, blink and you’ll miss it. But after that when she repeats the chorus again and again, it really hits home - the vulnerability but also steadfastness that comes with that love. I’m just so in awe, and usually in tears. Tao-jie’s singing + these lyrics are so emotive.

I want to specially mention the Shijing version here because how this last portion was ‘rephrased’ there is exquisite. But first to break down the last (and most important) line: 唯不变 | wéi bù biàn, (the) only (thing) that does not change 此情    | cǐ qíng, (is) this love 悠悠    | yōu yōu, that goes on and on 

And then how it is said in Shijing version, starting from the line about the shifting stars (references not included...that would be a whooooole ‘nother post of its own): 浩浩河汉，无情之游。 The vast, boundless sea of stars, cold and unfeeling on their paths 我心匪石，永以弗休。 My heart will not be turned, forever shall it refuse to rest.

- and isn’t that just SO very much like Jingyan, Nihuang and Mei Changsu in spirit? 

Final Comments

Overall, I feel like both  Faded Beauty and  《红颜旧》 come the closest, in their own ways, to expressing the vibe of the song while very close to the original lyrics <3 all my kudos to them as a fellow translator. 

I really love xjc396′s version (Bygone Beauty) as a whole. They have somehow managed to preserve the meaning of the song while also being very poetic and beautiful.

墨白妈妈 took the phrase ‘artistic license’ and ran with it, in Changing Face, keeping the core but getting there in a slightly different way. I really enjoyed their creativity!!!

I’m honestly still very impressed and blown away by the shijing version?????? IT’S SO GOOD. 之梦轩主人 \o/ \o/ \o/

Also, hunxi’s answer about its use in episode 54? so insightful! Seriously, go look at it.

Oh and one my tags from 2016 was this: #loving how this shows her as a warrior/general/princess/lady. And yes !!!! YES I still would shout this from the rooftops. Usually, these - forgot the word for them, but there is like a genre (?) theme (?) of poetry written from the perspective of ladies longing for their men who are garrisoned far far away, worrying for their safety while in the war. But it’s a little bit of a play on that trope here, because framed from Mu Nihuang’s perspective, certain lines can take on very different meanings from how they would ‘traditionally’ go.

For example, 家国依稀残梦里 | with home and country indistinct in fragmented dreams, as a general leading her troops in the South, who is doing so while grieving her father and her betrothed - very likely dead, labelled a rebel and forever disgraced… All these identities and the responsibilities on her shoulders. And her home and Da Liang forever changed.

Another example: 狼烟烽火何时休 成王败寇尽东流 | When will the beacons of war rest? Victors become king, loser - outlaw; it all flows east (to the sea). Instead of a deeply worried wife, resenting the pointlessness of the war, Mu Nihuang gets the front and center seat for witnessing the clashing of vipers and conflict stemming from the Emperor's painstaking balancing of power. Which is another, probably even more infuriating and disheartening POV to be experiencing to be honest.

...............................................................................................................

Okay and the final rabbit hole is another Li Shangyin poem! 

Intro 别离难忍忍别离 // parting is hard to bear, (but) it is borne Verse 蜡炬已残泪难干 // although candles have melted, wax hardened, it is difficult for tears to dry. 江山未老红颜旧 //before the mountains and rivers age, beauty fades. Chorus Part 1 忍别离 不忍却要别离 // Bearing with parting is difficult, yet we must part Chorus Part 2 托鸿雁南去 // Entrusting the geese to go South,

《无题》- untitled 相见时难别亦难 | It is difficult to meet, difficult also to part; 东风无力百花残 | spring’s east wind weakens, its myriad flowers withered. 春蚕到死丝方尽 | Only unto death does the silkworm cease to spin its thread; 蜡炬成灰泪始干 | only when candles are burnt to the quick do tears begin to dry. 晓镜但愁云鬓改 | She sits before the mirror at dawn, distressed at the change in her hair; 夜吟应觉月光寒 | murmuring poems in the night, how chilling the moonlight must feel! 蓬山此去无多路 | Between here and the mythical Penglai mountain, there are few roads; 青鸟殷勤为探看 | may the blue bird often visit on her behalf.

That is not to say that the song either does or does not allude to this particular poem, because there are many mediums of creation that do use these themes and imagery. But just that I found the poem while googling that line about the candles’ remnants and tears drying, and it added an extra dimension to my reading of it. Because wow. This is so desperate and intense O.O 

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Special Skill ~ J.P. (part 1)

A/n: After Drive By part 2 WIPED me the fuck out, I tried to rejuvenate myself with some lighter content and ended up realizing that I actually ADORE Bradley Steven Perry, so I went back and watched some old shows and movies he’s in. When I stumbled on Pants on Fire... well, you know I had to ;) This was the piece I was so excited about! It’ll be a two parter because I cannot do all of ANYTHING in one part it seems lmao

Warning: This is male reader and also PURELY self indulgent. Also, LOTS of lying and manipulation. Being ignored. Highschool. Nothing too serious.

Word Count: 5600+

MASTERLIST

Everyone has a special skill. Some people are just really great at school. Some people are fast learners. Some people are natural, easily funny. Some people are good with kids. Some people were fantastic at keeping promises, or never failed to do what they felt had to be done no matter the cost.

Jack Parker's special skill was lying.

Y/n's special skill was being completely invisible.

Not like in a  superhero way, but in a high school way. Y/n was really quiet and reserved. He wasn't caught up in the normal high school things like relationships and popularity. In fact, he was withdrawn on purpose, finding most kids his age to be really annoying or ridiculous on some level. He was never rude, but he did prefer people watching and laughing to himself, to actually interacting with others.

He never meant to eavesdrop, it was just that he'd be sitting on the floor, leaning against a book shelf reading a book when someone on the other side of the bookshelf would start talking about something that he tuned into without thinking. Or, his quietness allowed people to forget that they weren't alone while walking or riding the bus and they'd talk loud enough for him to hear when he wasn't too far away. He perhaps could have tried harder to avoid people and give them their space, and he almost had... until one day he'd overheard Jack Parker and his best friend Ryan talking about something so very interesting that it convinced him to never stop listening to people ever again.

Jack Parker was... an interesting person, let's start there. A few people were pretty sure that half the things he said were true out of sheer improbability. However, Jack was such an amazing liar that no one could prove him wrong, and after a while even the ones who disbelieved him the most fell for his confidence and charisma. He just SEEMED like he was telling the truth. Everyone believed Jack when he told them something happened, especially when he became a local hero for tutoring some boy from another school. Mikey.

Well, almost everyone believed him at least. His very best friend, Ryan, knew the truth because Jack had told him. And Y/n knew because he'd been within earshot when Jack had told Ryan in the first place.

It had been what usually happens. The two boys had been in the back of the bus, as they both got off at the last stop - along with Y/n. They didn't know this though, because Y/n sat in front of them, just a few seats. He didn't talk, or even move a lot. He even sunk a lot into his seat as he was quite small, and leaned against the window to look outside, one earphone in his ear. As usual, his weird talent to be invisible no matter how hard he tried - for god's sake he was wearing a neon red jacket that day - he went completely undetected. So when Jack had explained to Ryan that he had lied about Mikey, and what it meant for them, Y/n had been well within ear shot to hear the whole thing.

Y/n could have told someone. Probably should have. But he had... a sort of crush on Jack, and selling him out wouldn't get Y/n anywhere with getting on the boy's good side. Not to mention, there weren't many people that would believe him - if there were any at all. He probably could have figured out a way to show Jack up. To rip apart his tapestry of lies and expose him to everyone. But Y/n believed that mistakes should be learned from. If he exposed Jack now, all that would happen is that Jack's life would be ruined and Jack would hate him. Things would come out eventually, and hopefully it would be from Jack himself. If that damage had to be done, Y/n wasn't going to be the one to do it.

He never really was, though. He never did much of anything.

All of that being said, Jack and Ryan were not the only ones stunned when the very Mikey that had been a ruse, suddenly turned up at school. Solid and smiling and talking and very much real. He passed every test and followed through treating Jack exactly how you'd expect Mikey to be. With him came Jack's super hot girlfriend from Arizona, even though Jack was so obviously crushing on one of the girls at school - Jenny. If that hadn't been bad enough, Jack and Ryan themselves broke into the room where Y/n was having shop class, being chased by lumberjacks who seemed to have it out for Jack. Weirdly enough, that fit another one of Jack's lies - once he'd broken his arm apparently single handedly fighting off two lumberjacks, but Y/n had seen Jack at the bike park the day before, and had seen him fall and break his arm, so he'd known better. Seeing them here now worried Y/n. So of COURSE he offered to take the two men out of the school where they belonged, and used it as an opportunity to dip out of class and follow after Jack to see if anymore of the lies Jack had told had come true.

Maybe even figure out what the hell was going on, and stop it.

Jack probably didn't deserve it, but if this got serious then Jack would be in danger from lumberjacks and aliens and pro wrestlers alike - and those were just the lies Y/n had heard about. Life was hard enough without your life being in danger, and that directly putting others' lives in danger as well. Y/n usually sat back and did nothing, but this wasn't one of those times.

After school, Y/n decided to go home - he wasn't going to follow Jack THAT far. But only the very next day, the rumor that Jack had been outside Jenny's house covered in all kinds of different things - including makeup - Y/n realized that maybe Jack needed an extra pairs of eyes to help him out. Unfortunately, Y/n lost Jack pretty early in the day as none other than Mikey himself approached after having a short exchange with Ryan and Jack. "Hey!" he greeted warmly.

Y/n stared back for a few seconds. Mikey seemed to get uncomfortable - the first negative reaction he'd had to literally anyone his entire time being here. "Hi," Y/n finally responded evenly, narrowing his eyes.

The response seemed to cheer Mikey up again. "Now that I'm transferring schools and coming here permanently, I think I want to make friends outside of Jack. He seems to be close with everyone here on some level, except for you and a few others. Figured I'd try each of you guys until someone - or even all of you - want to be my friend too!"

That made Y/n smirk. "I know you're full of shit."

Apparently, Mikey hadn't been expecting that. "I'm sorry?"

Shaking his head, Y/n scoffed. "I know Jack lied about there even being a Mikey. If you're just here to psyche Jack out, or for some magic thing, why are you trying to be friends with ME? No one wants to be friends with me."

This time it was Mikey who didn't respond right away. "You're less invisible than you think. I saw you in the window yesterday, watching me and Jack. I also saw you take those lumberjacks out of the school, which probably saved the boys a lot of time. I also saw you following Jack around the rest of school after that. You're the only one in this entire school who seems to be questioning anything." He smirked. "I have a friend who would really appreciate your help, especially since you know the truth about Jack... if you wanted to get him back for it."

Okay that wasn't what Y/n had been expecting. "Will I finally know what's going on?" Mikey nodded. "Will I have to participate in duping Jack?"

Mikey only shrugged. "We'll see what she says. Probably not."

How could he say no? "Who's this she, and what are you guys up to?"

Finally, that huge grin returned to Mikey's face. "I'm so glad you asked."

-

When Hannah had finished explaining the lengths she'd gone to in order to shake Jack up enough to finally tell everyone all he'd been lying about, Y/n had only one thing to say. "So you're lying to him to get him to come clean about lying to everyone else? At least now we know for sure you're both related."

That made her go a little red. "Listen, you have a little sister. You bring her to the fun center all the time." To that Y/n had to nod. "I see the way you sort of blend. I've picked Jack up from school for enough years now that I also notice the way you look at him." Y/n went stiff and Hannah chuckled. "Listen. He's a tool, and I have NO idea what you see in him, knowing what you know. But if you help me do this, maybe I'll help you out with your dilemma."

Y/n crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly not in a very cheery mood. "As much as I appreciate the thought Hannah, I'd rather like him from a distance than have to be friends with a straight boy I've liked for years okay? I'll keep my mouth shut - don't make any other promises you can't keep. Especially because-" Y/n swallowed a thick something caught in his throat. "He likes someone else.

There was an odd look on Hannah's face, but it was hard to read and she wasn't about to explain it which was most clear when she just kept on talking. So Y/n dismissed the look altogether. "Fine, that's fair." They parted ways there as Y/n noticed Jack and Ryan walking over to head home. Y/n had left class early to talk to Hannah in the empty parking lot, but now his time was up. "See you around, Hannah. Good luck." She winked and the boys shot Y/n confused looks as they got in the car and he left. As he went, he could hear them asking Hannah who he was, but she just said that Y/n had been asking for advice because they worked together, and left it there.

With how easy the words had left Hannah, and with how much confidence she'd had, perhaps Jack's talent for lying was more of a family thing than Hannah would like to admit. The thought amused Y/n enough to cheer him up. For now at least.

The next day in PE very quickly ruined his mood again though, as they were set up to play dodge ball. Mikey ended up being one of the team leaders, and he chose Y/n first to be on his team. Everyone was surprised. No one ever picked Y/n first. Even standing in front of them dressed in bright blue and red, he still blended into the crowd and it was often that not until everyone else had been picked they even realized he was there at all. Unfortunately, Y/n knew why Mikey saw Y/n so clearly. Why Mikey had picked him first. And he wasn't happy about it.

During the games, Mikey didn't talk much to Y/n which was appreciated, but the attitude Y/n gave him every time they DID interact seemed to catch Jack's attention - exactly what he didn't want to happen. Especially when a few games in everyone was picked off one by one until Jack and Ryan stood against Y/n and Mikey. Two on two, with Jack's eyes trained on Y/n in a way that made Y/n feel like he was going to explode. Perhaps it was that exact energy that demanded to be used that had driven him to pick up a ball and throw it at Ryan, nailing the red head right in the chest. "Nice shot!" Mikey congratulated. Y/n rolled his eyes.

In his moment of distraction, Jack hit Y/n with a ball as well. Y/n looked over when he was hit and the two boys' eyes locked. Jack seemed to be asking a question Y/n didn't want to even look at. Didn't want to hear, let alone answer. So he ducked his head and dipped, bee lining it for the water fountain on the opposite end of the gym to wait out the rest of the game so he could have as little downtime as possible to interact with Jack. It was that action which caused him to miss Jack nailing Jenny in the face with a ball aimed for Mikey, but he'd hear enough about it later to plenty make up for it.

After class was lunch, and Y/n would have made it peacefully to his usual spot under the bleachers, but Hannah stopped him on the way. Y/n was expecting her to ask him to be nicer to Mikey, but her eyes were only full of concern. "Mikey told me what happened in PE. How Jack noticed you, and how you ran away. He said you looked upset."

Y/n sighed, his shoulders sagging. "Honestly I just..." He wasn't used to having someone care about him, or talking about his feelings. It felt so promising to finally be able to, but also terrifying. Perhaps he and Hannah were in cahoots now, but she had no reason to actually care about Y/n. She was probably only asking to make sure that he didn't slip and tell Jack anything, which gave the thought that once this whole thing was over, she wouldn't care anymore. That meant Y/n could NOT get attached to her. Temporary things weren't worth putting effort into. "Nothing. I'm just used to noticing, not being noticed. Mikey sort of drew attention to me when he picked me first and it threw me off." He shrugged. "Now if you'll excuse me-"

"Hannah?" The sound of his voice made Y/n freeze, perfectly still. Not even breathing. "Drive us to Funland."

"Please?" She prompted, eyes staying purposefully away from Y/n, who kept his back to Jack but was still unfortunately in full view of her.

"Hannah," Jack tried again, voice laced with irritation. "Drive us to Funland. Please." the last word came out sarcastic and sharp. Y/n felt himself relaxed, ever amused by Jack's unceasing attitude.

"No," Hannah answered bluntly, smirking as she crossed her arm. Y/n actually smiled, and that only served to encourage her even more.

"Come on," Jack complained.

Ryan seemed to be less sure about wanting to go though. "We can't go back there," he reminded urgently. "Otis banned us for life." Y/n shot a look at Hannah, whose smirk only grew. Y/n had known for a long time that she worked at Funland - after all, he did take his little sister there like she'd said. He was beginning to wonder what shenanigans he'd been missing out on.

"We have no choice," Jack argued, turning to his friend. "If we want to get rid of Mikey once and for all, we have to find that purple hippo."

That caught Y/n off guard, and without thinking he turned to face Jack, too confused to think clearly. "I'm sorry, you're looking for Hurley?"

Jack only then seemed to realized Y/n was there, and he stopped a second, as if realizing it was the same kid who's been playing dodge ball with Mikey. Ah yes, back to being invisible. "No," Jack picked up again. "We're talking about a purple hippo at Funland who stands around and hands out balloons."

"Yeah," Hannah said this time. "His name's Hurley. And he doesn't hand out balloons."

"Well, when Emma and I went yesterday, Bart was off," Y/n piped up, directing that at Hannah. He didn't want to address Jack yet, and every time he looked at Ryan, the red head had gears turning so visibly not even his narrowed eyes could hold it off.

"That explains it," Hannah affirmed, nodding.

Jack was the next one to pipe in. "How do you two know all this?"

Hannah answered that one. "Jack, I've worked there for two years. I see Y/n there all the time with his little sister."

"Seriously?" Jack's shoulder relaxed, and Y/n realized that he'd pieced together why Y/n and Hannah were so casually talking to each other. He must have paid as close attention to Hannah as he did to Y/n though, because Y/n and Hannah had never really talked until all of the recent stuff that had been happening.

That theory was confirmed when Hannah huffed, "Where did you think I was going for four hours every day after school?"

"Well I don't know." Jack's eyes went wide as he shrugged. "I was just happy you were out of the house." Hannah sighed and took Y/n's arm to drag him after her as she began to walk away. There was only a second before Jack trailed after them, desperation leaking into his voice. "Hannah," he pleaded. "Hannah, please!"

Hannah was strong. Y/n wasn't. He pulled out of her grasp, turning to face Jack. "If you're really set on finding Hurley for whatever weird breakdown you seem to be having, his main habitat is the jungle mini golf course. Look for him there, okay?"

Jack grinned. "I like your new friend Hannah. He's awesome."

Y/n looked away to hide his blush.

"Yeah yeah, now go," Hannah dismissed, and the two boys ran off to go find Hurley. She grinned at Y/n when they were gone. "You know I'm Hurley, right?"

Y/n winced. "I know that now."

She giggled. "It's fine. This could be a good thing actually. They seem lost - I'll give em a little nudge." She leaned closer, bumping her shoulder with his. Her finger on the other arm reached up to tap his nose. "Push him in all the right directions." She winked, and then took off walking without Y/n this time, leaving him with a sinking dread in his stomach.

He pushed it down to take Emily to Funland just like he always did though... which had been a mistake. He thought that it would have been a big enough place to avoid Jack and Ryan, but only an hour later they were heading out of the jungle mini golf course when Ryan walked up to them, which of course meant Jack followed after. "Hey, I never caught your name?"

Y/n wished in that moment he could just die on the spot. "It's Y/n," he answered, hoping that would make Ryan go away. Long story short: it didn't.

"You've been coming here with Emma for a few years," Ryan continued. "Do you have any idea who Hubert could be?”

"Hurley," Y/n corrected tiredly. Ryan nodded. Y/n let his eyes drift away, searching out Emma as she climbed the rock wall. Unlike Jack, he wasn't good at lying. People never asked him questions - they never talked to him at all. But he had to lie. On some level. He DID know who Hurley was, but he couldn't exactly tell Jack that. Damnit Hannah, why did she have to tell him?! "Not really," Y/n finally caved. Ryan rose an eyebrow. "I mean I saw Hurley without a head once when I first came here, but they were fired as far as I know so I'm assuming it's someone new. That was three and a half years ago." It was truthful in full. Aside from the just the story, he didn't really know Hannah personally. He could have told them he knew it was her now, but he just. Didn't. Everything else had enough truth to it that it wasn't hard to sell.

Jack stepped up. "This probably makes no sense to you, but I just wanted to thank you for helping out. I think I've seen you around school a few times, but we've never like talked or anything. I just have to ask... why ARE you helping?"

Y/n shrugged. "I hate lying, and there's no harm in telling you what I did." Only then did he look away from Emma again as she began to reach the bottom of the rock wall, directly into Jack's eyes. "You have a lot going for you. It would be a shame if some unexpected drama were to ruin everything else." Jack's eyebrows came together, but before he could say anything Emma had reached the bottom and had made her way over - as Y/n had intended.

"Who are your friends?" the ten year old asked.

"Not my friends," Y/n corrected in the same nonchalant voice he'd used to remind Ryan of Hurley's name. "Just people I got to school with. They were just leaving-"

Emma's eyes went wide. "Wait, you're Jack aren't you?" Y/n went stiff. "My brother used to talk about you all the time! You're like the coolest kid at his school."

Jack turned his raised eyebrows on again, still aiming them at Y/n. Y/n shrugged. "What teenager who goes unnoticed and completely uncared for doesn't want to be friends with the popular kid?" He put either of his hands on Emma's shoulders, steering her away. "Nice to see you guys, later!"

Unfortunately, Jack didn't leave it there. "No wait!" He jogged over and Emma stopped, which forced Y/n to as well. "You've been cool. I wouldn't mind being friends."

Ironically, Y/n flashed back to what he'd said to Hannah. How much he had so NOT wanted this exact thing to happen. But what could he say. 'Sorry don't want to be friends with my crush, that would suck'? He couldn't that. But else would make sense? "Sure," Y/n sighed.

For some reason, that made Jack smile. "If you guys are set on staying here for a while longer, you can, but you could also come hang out with me and Ryan at my house if you wanted."

Y/n went to decline, but Emma got to it first. "Only if I can come along," she stated firmly. "This is sibling time. You get to join, not interrupt."

"That's fair," Jack agreed. "Come on!" The four kids headed outside after getting Emma's shoes and stuff, ready to catch the bus back to Jack's house. Y/n was sweating bullets. Unfortunately, going to Jack's house was the least of his problems. The second they were outside, Jack froze. "Perhaps... we should cancel the whole going to my house thing," Jack began nervously. His eyes moved to the others slowly, fear in them. Y/n seemed to put together what had him immediately - another lie had come to life. As if on cue, Jack looked at Y/n and Emma before his eyes glued to Ryan with purpose. "Remember when I told Eric that I was late meeting him because I was abducted by aliens?"

Ryan immediately went tense, and Y/n went pale. All four pairs of eyes turned to the roof, following Jack's lead as they saw what he had. Two men, wearing odd glasses like Cyclops from the X-Men comics. They seem to look identical - down to the matching shiny, silver suits and black, polished shoes. Very... what one might assume... alien vibes.

"No," Ryan whispered, forcing himself to reject what he was seeing. "I absolutely do not remember. I refuse to remember!" He even turned away, eyes focused purposefully on the cement.

"Too late," Jack shot down, his voice full of regret and resigned fear. He looked at Y/n and Emma, and in that moment the look that Jack had on his face would be burned in Y/n's mind forever. This is the face Jack made when he told the truth. "They're back."

"There are no such thing as aliens," Emma argued, shaking her head even as she looked up at the two men on the roof with awe.

"Right!" Ryan agreed, getting his momentum back. "Those are just two dudes, you know, wearing weird suits, standing on top of a roof." Jack and Emma nodded along, but Y/n was the one who had kept his eyes glued on the men, so he was the one who first saw the very bad news.

"They're running down it!" He screamed, jumping back to push Emma behind him, protected for maybe only a second longer than if he'd just left her be.

The two men landed, removed their weird glasses to reveal glowing red eyes, and then opened their mouths to release a high pitched, terrible shrieking sound. Y/n was most disturbed by the fact that they seemed to be even more identical with the visors off. So when Jack said to run, all four of them did, taking off into the garbage and hopping into the back of a truck. The aliens ran by and they were home free... well, until they almost ran face first into the lumberjacks, who had been so good as to find Jack again - this time with even more friends in harm's way. They were all running again, booking it into the elevator and to the top floor where they came out on the roof of all places. Where, to everyone's luck, the lumberjacks also were as they'd taken the stairs. Where, just as well, the aliens were as well, having run up the long way - through the parking lot. Even Otis was here, on his little golf cart to run them down as well.

Just as all hope seemed to be lost, Jack's fake girl from Arizona - Y/n never learned her name - pulled up in a red convertible, yelling at the four of them to get inside. Emma, Y/n, and Ryan all piled eagerly into the back seat, but Miss Totally not Fake Girlfriend locked the car before Jack could join them - right after he thanked her too, which finally gave Y/n her name. Lisa.

"Not you," Lisa snapped.

"What?" Jack almost screamed. Y/n couldn't blame him - Otis, the lumberjacks, and the aliens were getting closer by the second.

"You broke my heart, Jackie Bear," Lisa whined. Y/n looked away, his hands curling into fists. Putting Jack's life on the line was NOT worth having a heart to heart. This was NOT the time - how selfish did someone have to be? She didn't have to come at all if she didn't want to help, so why wasn't she just doing it and then talking about it later? She could have locked all of them in the car once they were safe and not let him out until... but then was when Y/n realized what this was about. The fake danger would force Jack to spill his guts and be honest, even if he wouldn't have in literally any other situation. Hannah was a genius.

"Lisa, please," Jack pleaded. "Whatever you want, I'll make it up to you."

"You're just saying that because you're selfish and you don't want your brains sucked out of your skull by aliens." The sentence was ridiculous, but Lisa DID have a point. Jack was only using her as an escape - he didn't really care that he'd hurt her.

Jack finally cracked though, not having enough room to think rationally. "Okay what do you want me to say?" he snapped.

"The truth," Lisa stated firmly.

And then, for some reason, Jack looked directly at Y/n, and in his eyes was that same fear from earlier. Y/n realized that the high opinions of others meant everything to Jack. Even now, thinking his life was on the line, with Y/n in the car, he couldn't bring himself to say it. "Just tell her, Jack," Y/n demanded. "I know as well as Ryan does that this whole lying thing has gotten out of hand."

Stunned, Jack looked back to Lisa. His confusion was replaced by regret as he saw HER. The girl he'd hurt by blowing her off to hide her from Jenny. Jenny, who had been hurt by all the other lies as well. Y/n, who seemed to know Jack had been lying but seemed hurt anyway. In that moment, he realized that Y/n was right. This HAD gone too far.

"Why don't you want to be with me?" Lisa asked gently, leaving no room for half truths or cop outs.

Looking around, Jack finally took in his situation... and gave up. "I-" His eyes flickered to Y/n again before landing on Lisa solidly. "I made you up so my friends wouldn't make fun of me."

Lisa smiled. "Get in." The car unlocked and the door opened and Jack was inside, and then they were pulling away and headed to Jack's house.

It was dark when they pulled up and unbuckled. Jack turned to Lisa, thanking her. She only smiled. "I know how much you love trouble, Jackie. Someone's gotta watch out for you." Ryan's eyes found Y/n's in that moment, and Y/n got the terrible feeling he'd been officially wrapped up in something he'd been trying to avoid.

"Listen, I'm sorry I lied to you," Jack apologized now. "I never, ever meant to hurt your feelings. It's just... I'm kind of into someone else." Y/n found himself having to look away, but he didn't miss the way that Ryan caught the pain flickering across his features. He only hoped Ryan wouldn't put together why.

Lisa was unphased. "If you like this someone else so much, Jackie Bear, just... try being honest with them. No one wants a relationship built on lies."

Jack nodded, then looked at Y/n. Feeling his eyes, Y/n looked back. "Speaking of..." He rose an eyebrow and Y/n nodded, recognizing without saying it that they needed to talk. They all got out of the car, said goodbye to Lisa, and then stood there and watched her go. It was then that Jack turned to Y/n again. "How did you know Lisa was a lie?"

Y/n sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "I know a lot of things about the people at our high school. I don't MEAN to, people just... don't notice me." He shrugged. "Say things without realizing I can hear you. I was in the bus with you guys when you told Ryan that Mikey was a lie. I was also at the park when you broke your arm on your bike, so I knew you lied about the lumberjacks. I'd hear the "my secret girlfriend in Canada" line so many times it was easy to put together that you were full of crap about that too. I eventually wrote off that most things you said that sounded ridiculous on any level, were. Like your Asian parents and the wrestler and Mikey's dog's bionic tail."

After a second, Jack let out a breath. "Why didn't you ever tell anyone?"

At this, Y/n could only bring himself to shrug. "I don't owe anyone anything, and there was no harm coming from it at the time. I mean, the other people lined up for Student of the Year were annoying, and that was as far as I knew when it came to who you were affecting. It's not my job to keep you from making your own mistakes - you have to be the one to tell them. You have to learn from it. Now more than ever. All of these things happening are affecting more than just you, and Lisa was right. Jenny has probably been hurt by the lying most of all." Jack went to argue, but Y/n just rolled his eyes. "Half the school can see the way you look at her, Jack, you're not lowkey." That shut Jack up immediately.

"Well," Ryan sighed. "Now we know how to fix the whole thing. It worked with Lisa, and it can work with the others too. You just have to tell the truth - that isn't hard."

But then a look crossed over Jack's face, and Ryan and Y/n seemed to realize what he was thinking without him having to open his mouth. "Jack..." Y/n whispered softly.

"I'm just so CLOSE, you guys!" He huffed, looking at the with desperation. "Student of the Year gets announced tomorrow."

"Are you crazy?" Ryan snapped. "After everything we've been through?"

"The hippo said I have to confess to everyone. He never said when," Jack reasoned. "I'll just do it after Student of the Year. You even said it yourself Y/n - those kids are annoying anyway. I'm showing people that grades and crap don't matter - heart does! That's a GOOD thing."

Y/n stepped away when Jack reached a hand out to put on Y/n's shoulder. "But you're not winning on good character, Jack. You're winning through lies. Lies that are becoming a serious problem. And what do you think will happen when they realize you've been lying even after you got the award? You think there are aliens and lumberjacks coming after you and anyone close to you, but you still prioritize what? Being a bat boy?" He shook his head, grabbing Emma's hand. "I was wrong about you Jack. I thought every teenager was afraid of being hated and invisible. I thought you did it because you cared about being able to do the cool things you can - like stop bullies two years older than you from messing with other kids, or getting a whole school to rally together through love and excitement. But the only thing you're doing it for is the glory, and you care more about that than your friends and family." Jack went to say something, but Y/n just shook his head. "I was stupid to have a crush on you. You suck." And then without seeing Jack's reaction, he turned and walked away.

He figured that after his little confession, Jack wouldn't try to be friends with him anymore. Before, he'd been silently afraid of that. No matter what he told himself, he wanted Jack to see him and smile. To know he existed and to enjoy being around him. Yesterday, or just a few minutes ago even, that would have been enough...

Now, Y/n didn't care in the least. If that was how Jack treated people he saw, Y/n was just fine curling up in the shadows and never having Jack look at him again.

[amethyst-geek]

My theories on that scene from the Season 4 preview

When I saw the preview for 4, something that stood out to me (besides Shadow Moth’s hilarious look) is the scene where Alix, Alya, Mylene, Rose, and Juleka getting re-akuamatized. I have come up with several theories regarding the circumstances behind their akumatization, several of which I already shared in the form of asks @princess-of-the-corner and I would like to elaborate on them here (As u can only say so much in an ask), as well as provide some additional theories. 

1. Lila’s lies have successfully gotten the girls pissed at Marinette and/or Ladybug- admittedly, this one is the least likely from both a watsonian and doyelist standpoint. From a doylelist standpoint, I feel like the episode will be enough a re-hash of Felix and Ladybug without the whole “someone got the girls pissed at one of the heroes by framing one of the main characters” thing.  From a Watsonian standpoint, they probably already been informed of Lila’s ‘lying disease’ after the events of Ladybug, so Lila’s probably going to have a harder time getting people to believe her (because if someone told me that they had a lying disease that forces them to lie, I’d probably take any other claim with a grain of salt). 

2. The girls decided to have a meeting to discuss Lila’s disease and how they can help her, and when the girls started comparing notes regarding Lila’s stories (like saving Jagged Stone’s cat) and realized that even her claim about having a lying disease doesn't make sense (because if she was lying about Marinette stealing the test answers and necklace, then how did they wind up in her backpack and locker, and also shouldn't the faculty already been informed of Lila’s disease when she first came to school?). Their confusion regrading what’s true and what isn't, remorse for not listening to Marinette, and anger at Lila, draw an akuma which lands on them while they were holding hands as part of an attempt to comfort each other and calm down. Now unlike in Felix where Lady Wifi is the only akuma that makes sense in the context of “my friend sent us a mean message when we just trying to cheer him up,” most if not all of the returning akumas could easily be applied to the situation of the girls starting to see through Lila’s lies. I can practically hear Hawk Moth’s speech to them- “Timebreaker, you regret having trusted this liar over your own friend, so I‘m giving u the chance to go back in time to fix your mistake. Lady Wifi, I’m giving u back the power to expose her lies. Princess Fragrance, Lila Rossi used u and your friends as pawns, but now, you’ll be the one who controls her and everyone around her. Reflekta, this girl lied to make herself the center of attention, but it might be difficult for her to stand out if everyone looks the same. Horrificator, I’m giving you the power to make Lila feel as helpless as her past victims. In return, well you probably know the drill by now. Do we have a deal?” 

3. Verity Queen made them her knights- Mrs. Rossi runs into Marinette and Sabine and Lila’s lying disease is brought up and Mrs. Rossi is all “my daughter doesn't have a lying disease.” An argument ensues and draws an akuma, which lands on Sabine (who may have been taking the bullet for Marinette) and she becomes Verity Queen, who has a lasso of truth, She then uses her lasso of truth on Marinette (whom Sabine is most trusting of, but she felt Mrs. Rossi would only believe Marinette if she was under the influence of the lasso of truth), and Marinette confirms that she did not cheat or steal Lila’s necklace and that she Lila clammily walk down the stairs instead being pushed down. Verity Queen then asks Marinette why Lila would want to do this, Marinette replies that she was making good on her threat to turn everyone against her. Verity Queen is understandably pissed at Lila, so she leaves to go find Lila, taking Mrs. Rossi with her.  She can't find Lila, but she does manage to find Marinette’s friends, and after explaining to them what Marinette told her about Lila, turns them into her knights, which r their akumatized forms, and she sends them out to search for Lila. They manage to track Lila down and take her to the tv station, where Verity Queen is waiting and has already ‘knighted’ Nadja back into Prime Queen. Verity Queen then uses her lasso of truth to force Lila to admit all of her wrongdoings on live tv. 

4. Mrs. Rossi gets akumatized- Mrs. Rossi finally gets around to asking her colleagues what they should do about Ladybug’s incompetence. Mistaking this for a joke, the colleagues laugh their asses off. As they do so, Mrs. Rossi’s anger at not being taken seriously draws an akuma and here is Hawk Moth speech to her: “Red Queen, nobody but you cares about getting the akumas under control, so I’m giving u the power to do it yourself. In return, I ask that u bring me the miraculous of the heroes too incompetent to do it themselves. Do we have a deal.” The akumatized Mrs. Rossi replies “Time to show those how to do their jobs!” and becomes Red Queen who has the power to turn up to 16 people (I’m going for a chess motif here. Maybe I should call her White Queen instead) back into their akumatized forms (but she’s under the impression that they’re already in their akumatized forms) and control them. Among the people she turns back into akumas are Alix, Alya, Mylene, Rose, and Juleka. As for who the rest of the re-akuamitzed ‘pieces,’ hard to say (there r a lot to choose from). After de-akumatizing Mrs. Rossi, she explains what Lila told her, and the the heroes (which may include new ones, as in this scenario, Ladybug and Chat Noir are dealing with 16 villains, who will probably be more spread out throughout the city this time around) and former ‘chess pieces’ explain the truth  Mrs. Rossi, and one of the girls wonders if Lila’s ‘lying disease’ was acting up, and Mrs. Rossi is all like ‘what lying disease?” Yeah, Lila’s in big trouble. 

5. it’s just a stress-induced nightmare- it won't be the main focus of the episode, it will just be the opening scene to show how the pressure of being the new guardian is getting to her. This scenario is kinda boring.

6. Sandboy 2- Sandboy is back again, but similar to Gamer and Puppeteer, his powers have been modified. This time, instead of bringing people’s nightmares to life, he forces them into a deep sleep where they r forced to deal with nightmares they can’t wake up from (think the “Only a Dream” two-parter of Justice League, except that Sandboy can't enter anyone’s dreams). Among Sanboy’s victims is Marinette. Her nightmare (and possibly the episode, of the writer do that thing where they don't immediately reveal it’s a dream) begins with her friends disappointed with her for reason they refuse to explain and transform back into the akumatized forms and they go after her. In this nightmare, the re-akumtizations don't end with the ones seen the preview. One by one, everyone who has been akumatized turns back into their akuma form, ending with Chat Noir becoming Chat Blanc and then everyone screams at Ladybug/Marinette for falling them. She tries to summon her lucky charm, but it doesn't work. Then a nightmare version of Hawk Moth shows up and he sends an akuma Ladybug, who tries to dodge, only for Volpina to hold her down, and when Ladybug tries to resist the akumtization, all while letting out some of the most bloodcurdling screams in Christina Vee’s career. Meanwhile, in the real world, Tikki tries to wake up Marinette and when that fails, tries to remove her earrings so she can loan them to someone, but that fails too for whatever reason). So out of desperation, Tikki grabs one of the goat miraculous out of the miracle box and tracks down Marc. Tikki explains that Ladybug has been affected by Sandboy’s powers and need Marc’s help to save her). Marc then becomes the goat hero, whose power is astral projection (btw the idea of the goat’s power being astral projection was probably inspired by a fanfic called Capricorn by mico-j-ken, as Capricorn has similar powers. The fanfic in in fan fiction.net if anyone wants to read it). Goat! Marc then uses his powers to enter Marinette’s dreams, to let her know’s just a dream and also give her a much-needed pep talk. Marinette wakes up and transform into Ladybug, and defeats Sandboy. When Marc tries to give the goat miraculous back to Ladybug, she tell him to keep it, explaining that this experience made her realize that there will be situations that she won't be able to get out of with our help. As a sidenote, Marc may or may not have figured out Ladybug’s secret identity (depending on how careful Tikki, such as asking Goat! Marc to close his eyes while she lead Marc to Marinette) and may have found out about Lila’s bitchery via Nightmare!Lila monologging about making good on her threat against Marinette as Goat!Marc was entering Marinette nightmare. 

What do u guys think? Which scenario do think is the coolest and/or most likely? 

[writefightandflightclub]

Indivisible: Part 4

Poe Dameron x reader? Finn x reader? Finn x Poe?

Summary: Finn is your wonderful boyfriend, and Poe is your wonderful best friend. But when Poe begins to look at you differently, you wonder if there’s another way to arrange the pieces of your heart to make it whole.

Part one: here two: here three: here

Author’s note: THIS IS SO SOFT. Quick hit of fluff to round things off, everyone! Hope you’ve enjoyed this four-parter. I’d be very open to continuing with this trio, so let me know if you’d like to see / request any short “Indivisible” head canons, bonus blurbs or drabbles! I’ll get a masterlist up next so you can keep track.

Word count: 1.3k, sweeties. 

Warnings: It’s fairly tame by my standards and more steamy and soft than anything, but it does foray into very brief, tasteful smut so therefore, 18+ ONLY, sorry!

GIF: I had to lol. by @lady--of--fandoms​

The next morning, Poe lies sandwiched in-between you and Finn, your body tessellated against his back and Finn pressed against his front. Finn’s fingers rove lazily over Poe’s hair as you pepper soft kisses to the back of his neck, humming on to his soft skin where your lips land. 

Poe deserves all the love in the world. It makes sense then that he gets double, you think to yourself.

Propped-up on his elbow, Finn whispers across to you, gazing down at Poe’s slumbering face. “He’s so kriffing pretty. That chin is just rude.”

You prop yourself up on to your elbow too, to get a better look at the sleeping pilot. Poe’s eyes are shut, the pretty brush of his eyelashes fanning over his cheeks. He is beautiful. He’s also very clearly awake, although he pretends to be otherwise, his full lips quirking up at the corners following Finn’s words.

“He sure is wonderfully proportioned.”, you whisper at Finn, knowingly. “Except for that big head of his.”

Poe stirs lightly at that, his face cracking into a wide, giveaway grin. Still, his smile subsides into a contented hum as your soft touches continue to move over him.

“Also, good job he’s sleeping, as it’s blissfully quiet without his incessant chat, don’tcha think?”, you continue in hushed tones, your shoulders shaking lightly with a fond chuckle as you rag him.

His grin only gets wider.

“Morning, Dameron.”, you greet in soft, soothing tones, pressing a kiss on to his hairline, your fingers trailing lovingly over the jut of his shoulder blade and along the contours of his side, reaching down to his hip before your fingers retrace their path again.

You’ve both let Poe rest all morning, as it’s fair to say what you and Finn put him through last night has him thoroughly spent.

Poe stretches lightly, and perts his ass into you as he arches his body, beginning the process of shrugging off sleep, though his eyes remain closed.

“Hmm. His ass is rude too.”, you snicker as it brushes up against you. “And he knows it.”

“Shush up. I’m sleepin’.”, he whispers in good-humoured warning. “And don’t wake me, ‘cause I’m having a real nice dream.”

Your lips curl into a smile too, as your fingers retrace down the pilot’s side, this time meeting Finn’s hand draped over Poe’s hip, softly caressing the flesh there. Your hand comes to rest on top of Finn’s where he languidly strokes his palm back and forth over the meat of him.

When your eyes land on Finn’s again you find them happy. Content. He looks as complete as you feel. The sparkle in his eyes is like Starshine against the backdrop of a dark sky.

You like that; Starshine, Moonshine, and Sunshine. You like that a lot.

You keep up the facade of whispering, even as Poe snuggles his arms and crown of curls into Finn’s chest and continues to push his butt back into your warm, spooning embrace, practically purring like a coddled kitten. 

He’s a cute idiot, for sure.

“What do you think? Can we keep him, Finn?” You ask softly, not wanting to let go now that you have Poe next to you.

“Nuh-uh. This one?” Finn teases, with a light chuckle. He nods his head down at Poe. “He’s pretty, for sure, but he’s all drama. Who needs that noise?”. Finn’s broad smile spreads over his face, his bright eyes crinkling. 

“You two suck at whispering.”, Poe chides, turning to lie on his back so that he could more easily see both of you - despite this, he keeps his eyes shut a few moments longer, as if he truly is afraid that the two of you are a dream which will vanish upon waking, leaving him alone.

“You didn’t seem to complain about us sucking last night.”, you tease.

Finn’s warm, open-mouthed laugh fills the room and the makeshift bed jitters along with him. 

Poe finally peels open his umber eyes, smiling up at you both before he swivels his body around to face you specifically, an easy laugh filtering out of him, and his nose crinkling in the way you’ve always loved. And yet didn’t realise quite how much you loved.

Having Poe so close, in this context, is still entirely novel, and it takes you a moment to gather yourself and return his smile, especially as you feel the accopmanying press of him engorging against your hip. Apparently Poe Dameron doesn’t need caf to spring awake in the morning. Who knew?

“Damn, you’re gorgeous when you wake up.”, he says to you, desire pooling quickly in his eyes.

“Isn’t that right?” Finn agrees from behind Poe. Both their gazes converge hungrily on you, as if they’re jointly plotting something, and suddenly you are overcome with the intensity of it. Of their beauty. Of the depth of your feelings for them. Of your desire for them.

Poe half swivels again, propping himself up on both elbows, giving you an amazing view of his bare chest, that chain slung across it, as his head twists towards Finn. The pilot begins whispering a string of words into Finn’s ear, glancing back at you every now and again, each time with a little more heat in his stare. You could guess from the cheeky, devouring glint in Finn’s eyes precisely what they might be conspiring over. You.

Finn responds to Poe’s whispered words intermittently, every now and then saying how, yeah, he thinks you’d like “that”. Or how “that” is one of your favourite things. But Finn gives little away. Just enough to tease you with, each of them trailing their gaze over your form as if they want to eat you for breakfast.

“Not wanna include me in this plan?”, you ask, though you’re secretly enjoying being left entirely in the dark, your breathy voice already a dead giveaway of that. 

“That would ruin the surprise, Sunshine.”. Poe’s voice is gruff when he responds, swivelling a final time and rolling himself entirely on top of you, his arms pushing his torso up but his hips dipping to meet yours. The sight and feel of him on top of you is something else. What’s more, he’s looking at you like he can’t quite believe he has you under him.

Poe bends at the elbow then to lazily kiss you, his tongue meticulously exploring your mouth until he has you riled up enough that you moan at the loss when he breaks for air. Until you feel more starved than when he had begun, lust begetting lust.

“Hmm, I want more moans like that from you, honey.”, Poe coos, his eyes flicking devilishly over to Finn at that moment. “What do you think, Finn? I’d say it’s someone else’s turn to be in the middle of the sandwich.”

“I like your thinking, Commander.” Finn agrees, and as they both converge on you you’re not quite sure what you’ve let yourself in for. But ohhh boyyy, you have a good feeling about it.

“Do your worst.”, you encourage, echoing Poe’s line from the evening before, with the full knowledge of how well things ended for him.

You welcome Poe with your whole body as he shifts to trail his tongue and his mouth all the way down your chest and stomach, until his lips come to settle on your arousal. You moan for him again, before he’s even done very much, but you almost lose it when he moves aside so that Finn’s lips can join him there too.

You buck your hips as a mess of sensations and textures greet you, from Poe’s harsh stubble and soft, loose curls to Finn’s smooth lips and tightly coiled raven hair brushing against your thighs and stomach. Then suddenly, everything is wet, winding tongues and lips, slippery and insistent, and your hips rising up to the sky as if you might reach lift-off without any ship.  

As the sensations and their mouths and their moans flow over you, you think you must still be dreaming as well. But as the same time, you think you have never felt more awake to life than you do right now.

Things progress very pleasingly from there, and the three of you aren’t spotted around base all day, besides one singular, rumoured sighting of a particular Commander raiding the ration cupboard in his pyjamas. Word is, he cleared out all of the deserts and energy drinks - which he’d be made to pay for later, no doubt. It wasn’t as if the Resistance was flush with resources.

There’s also a rumour that the Commander’s seen collecting his flight suit holsters from his quarters, but few dare to talk about that too much for fear that they’ll invoke your wrath. You’re sort of terrifying, after all.

Safe to say, everyone on base has a pretty good idea what you’re all getting up to together. And if they don’t, Bb-8 does a grand job of warning people away from the rec room.

However, it doesn’t surprise anyone who hears the rumours that you all have enough love to go around. Sometimes, it is three thirds which make a whole. No matter the fractions, the love is no less complete.

Ever since you’d met, it was pretty clear the three of you were indivisible.

Together you are the moon, the sun, and the stars, and now that you have found each other, your love can only multiply from here, like the galaxy, expanding forever outward. Always creating more room for more love.

If anyone could believe that the galaxy has no limits, it’s for sure the three of you. The three people who charge through the skies and seek out the greater good. Who fight for it with all of their hearts, without restriction. Whose hearts keep growing and growing because they always let the good things in, even when darkness tries to shrink them. Love begets love, as well.

By the time you emerge from your rec room, Leia has already ordered someone to sort you out shared quarters, should you request it. And, unbeknownst to you all, the General has called “dibs” on officiating at the wedding, which she’s pretty sure is inevitable.

She doesn’t know for sure, of course. She simply has a good feeling. Now that she knows you’re together, something just clicks, and she can’t imagine the three of you being apart. She can’t remember that you ever were. No; you were simply planets in orbit, waiting for the moment of your convergence as you traversed your trajectories through space. And that moment is now.

The timing? It’s perfect. 

You are indivisible; incapable of being divided.

Togetherness is all there is. Togetherness is what can save the galaxy, one heart at a time.

You know with certainty that you are his. And his. And that you all belong to each other.

THE END

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[kats-baku1999]

Little Lies

Shoto Todoroki x fem! Reader

regular high school AU, no quirks, and shoto is an asshole. lots of angsty shit, going to be like a three parter, and yes there will be some dirty stuff 🤭

Todoroki’s life was looked at to be glamorous thanks to his father’s celebrity status, and thanks to their money. Really though, he felt like he had it all. His fourth year of high school was going to be a breeze, or so he thought.

————reader pov————

Ochako and I sat in her room listening to music as we prepared for school the next day. Summer holidays always seemed to go by way too fast for my liking but at the same time I was excited to get back to school. Get back to my normal life routine, and besides this was the last year before we all left for University.

“Do you think this will be the year Deku finally asks me to be his girlfriend?” Ochacko sighed as she laid out her outfit for the next day.

“I mean, no offense but I don’t think so,” I glanced up from my phone to see a look of sheer panic across her face, “it’s nothing against you, it’s just Deku isn’t like the guys he hangs out with.”

“I still can’t believe he and Bakugo are friends, they are polar opposites.” Ochako sighed, her and Bakugo had this weird competive thing about them. Something about how Ochako felt as thought Bakugo doubted her abilities. I couldn’t judge her though, I had the same thing with Todoroki.

“I can’t believe he willingly hangs out with Todoroki, he really isn’t worth being friends with.” I mumbled and Ochako let out a bit of a giggle.

Todoroki Shoto and I were anything but friends. His arrogant personality that shined through when cameras weren’t watching. He and Momo were UA highs “power couple” and probably some of the most hated and loved people there. Almost everyone idolized them, which made no sense to me.

My feud was mostly with Todoroki though, after all HE was the one who absolutely mortified me our first year of high school. Back then I was the new transfer girl, and like everyone else I was in awe of the “big three”... Katsuki Bakugo, Izuku Midoriya, and Shoto Todoroki. They were top of our class and each of them were cute. It made sense to me as to why everyone did nothing but talk about them. The first time I talked to Todoroki though, he pretended to be nice to me just so Momo would get jealous. She then proceeded to belittle me in front of everyone.

That little mishap is how I became such close friends with Ochako, and Kirishima. Each of them did nothing but drool over both Bakugo and Midoriya though. Which I guess the two of them weren’t bad, it was just their friendship with Todoroki who did nothing but laugh while his girlfriend yelled at me. From then on out we usually did our best to avoid each other, meanwhile his girlfriend found every moment to call me a homewrecker.

“Speaking of Todoroki, did you hear about his break up with Momo?” Ochako looked at me, and I just shook my head, “I figured Kiri would have mentioned it, but yeah he caught her cheating with Sero from our fifth period class last year.”

I let out a loud laugh that soon turned into an all out laughing fit. So the girl who called me a homewrecker, wrecked her own home?

“I’m not saying he deserves it, but he definitely needed to be humbled a little bit.” I defended to Ochako who was giving me a look of disappointment.

“(Y/n) maybe he really isn’t that bad, you know Kirishima wants to start hanging out with them more because of Bakugo, so please try to be nice for both of our sakes,” Ochako’s voice was stern but her eyes were puppy dog eyes.

“Fine, but I won’t enjoy it.” I huffed and crossed my arms.

==========Todoroki pov==========

I stood at my locker putting all of my new essentials away, for some reason Touya believed I needed at least six notebooks for four classes.

“Hey, half and half!” I heard Bakugo yell and I turned around to look at him. He was walking down the hall holding hands with his new boyfriend, Kirishima. Kirishima was a cool dude, but he was also friends with that loud mouth (y/n). I guess she wasn’t so bad, she mostly had problems with Momo.

“I’ll talk to you later Katsuki.” Kirishima looked at me and smiled and then quickly walked down the hallway, probably going to look for his friend to tell her he saw the devil.

“So you and big red Huh?” I looked at Bakugo who smirked, looking down the hall at his boyfriend.

“He has a lot of big aspects, but that’s not the point,” Bakugo pointed over to Sero and Momo who were disgustingly close and making out against her locker, “When are we kicking that nerds ass?”

“We aren’t, I was bored of her anyway, I could get any other girl anyways.” I shrugged and went back to my locker.

“Any girl?” Bakugo laughed and I shot him a dirty look.

“Yes, you see the way they all practically melt for me, any girl.”

“Fine, I bet you 200 you can’t pull (y/n).” Bakugo chuckled and pointed down the hall to the girl who was now hugging Kirishima. Her (y/h/c) hair had grown out a bit over the holidays, and had a few miscellaneous braids throughout it right now. Even I had to admit she was looking.. good.

“What happened to her over the summer?” I looked at Bakugo and he just shrugged.

“(Y/n) has always been hot, but it’s like she just hit puberty again, Kirishima said she’s gained a lot of confidence too so you taking the bet?” Bakugo nudged me and I just rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, give me till winter holiday, and by then I’ll have her wrapped around my finger,” I laughed.

“Have who wrapped around your finger?” We both jumped when Izuku snuck up on us, and I just smiled at my best friend, knowing he wouldn’t approve of this little game.

“Nothing Izu, what happened man I didn’t hear from you all summer?” I changed the subject pretty quick, knowing that Izuku wouldn’t be a fan of the game that Bakugo and I were playing.

••••••••••••

By the time our lunch hour came around I was ready for the day to just be over with. There was no point in my first two classes of the day, they were all pretty basic stuff that I already knew. (Y/n) was in my first period though, and I couldn’t help but look at her throughout the class. She really had gotten prettier, more mature. I guess I never noticed how attractive her style really was because of Momo.

“Todoroki! Over here!” Izuku yelled and I looked to see him, bakugo, Kirishima, Ochako, and (y/n) all sitting at a table.

Perfect opportunity.

I took the seat right next to (y/n) and smiled at her while she gave me a look mixed with shock and annoyance.

“Hey guys, I didn’t realize you’d be joining us now?” I smiled politely and scooted a little closer to (y/n), she continued to just stare at me with a look of annoyance.

“Hi Todoroki! Bakugo invited all of us to sit with you guys, so he could see Kiri more.” The girl, Ochako, gushed. Izuku was super tense and looked like he was about to pass out. Probably thanks to his crush on her. The good thing about Ochako obviously liking him back was the fact she liked him way before he “built up”.. Everyone but Midoriya could see that. He always played it off that she was just being nice.

“Very nice, I guess this gives me the opportunity, hey (y/n) can I ask a favor?” I turned my head to look at her, and realized how close we actually were. She really was gorgeous.

“What?” Her answer was short, and she seemed slightly angry.

“Do you think you could help me out with Mr. Aizawa’s class this semester?” I said politely despite the obvious attitude in her voice.

“It’s the first day, how do you know I don’t suck at the class too?” (Y/n) was a bit snippy, but I just shrugged.

“You’ve always been so smart, I just figured you would have this down to a T, but if you don’t then that’s fine.” I put my hands up in defense.

(Y/n) stared at me for a second before looking across at Kirishima who was giving her a stern look. She let out a huff of air.

“Fine, I’ll help you when you need it, it is a hard class.” (Y/n) mumbled before she went back to picking at her food.

————————third person pov———————

things are about to get a bit hot and heavy... also time jump :)

(Y/n) and Todoroki had begun spending a lot of time together when it came to her helping him with their shared class. Even though Todoroki didn’t actually need help with the class. This was just his way to win that bet with Bakugo. Still though he found himself thinking about Momo less and less the more time he spent with (y/n). He had also grown to enjoy her laugh, when he could get her to laugh. She still was keeping her guard up with him. Tonight though, the two of them decided to hang out while the other four went on a double date. Midoriya had finally asked Ochako out, and that left Todoroki and (y/n) the only single ones in their new friend group.

“So tell me (y/n), if you had to choose anyone in our class to be with who would you choose?” Todoroki asked (y/n) and her cheeks instantly went red.

“Who said I even pay attention to anyone in our class?” (Y/n)‘s cheeks were practically steaming from how much they were burn. Of course she had been paying attention to someone, how could she not look at Todoroki? Things had been different over the past few weeks. They were almost friends, and (y/n) couldn’t help but find herself wondering if his half red and half white hair was as soft as it looked...

“(Y/n)?” Todoroki whispered as (y/n) subconsciously reached her hand up to touch the hair that hung down over his teal eye, the one that had the scar that everyone whispered about. Someone had once remarked that it was ugly, but even back then (y/n) couldn’t deny that it was beautiful on him.

“I- I’m sorry,” (y/n) pulled her hand away but Todoroki grabbed it and intertwined their fingers.

He began leaning into her, his face dangerously close to hers. His minty breath washed over her face and she found herself slightly beginning to panic.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Todoroki whispered but (y/n) shook her head, bringing her free hand to the side of his face that held his brown eye.

The two just sat and looked at each other for a moment before Todoroki finally closed the gap. (Y/n) was expecting him to be an expert at what he did but instead he seemed a little nervous. Their lips were clumsy against one another, and Todoroki just lightly touched (y/n)’s hip. It was as if he was scared of breaking her, as if he’s never done this before.

“Todoroki, are you okay?” (Y/n) pulled back and whispered against his lips.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Todoroki whispered and (y/n) nodded her head quickly, “I have never been intimate with someone, I’ve never-”

“No, no I haven’t either, I mean I made out with Kaminari at a party once but that’s about all I know,” (y/n) looked at Todoroki for a second before finally raising her eyebrow, “so you’re telling me that you never even made out with Momo?”

“No, her and I were really only just for show to please my father.” Todoroki admitted, and (y/n) felt a bit of shock wash over her.

“Do you want to stop?” (Y/n) whispered but was quickly answered with Todoroki’s lips against hers again. This time a little more heated, and this time not as gentle. Still just as clumsy but even more of a turn on for (y/n).

She quickly changed the position and climbed on his lap, grinding herself against the bulge in his pants. They both let out moans into the kiss, as (y/n) continued to grind herself against him. Eventually Todoroki found his way to kissing her neck, nipping at her every once in awhile causing her to let out another moan. Nervous hands travelled over each other’s body.

Todoroki found his way to the bottom of her skirt, before pulling it up slightly. (Y/n) felt her breath hitch as Todoroki found his way to the wet part of her panties, as he began rubbing against her sensitive nub through the thin cloth. (Y/n) let out a fit of whimpers and moans as she pushed herself even more into his fingers.

“Are you okay with this?” Todoroki whispered, slowly down his motions to pull her panties to the side.

“Yes, yes please don’t stop.” (Y/n) practically begged, and Todoroki complied to what she said. His fingers found their way to the sensitive nub again, only for a split second before they dipped down to her entrance. (Y/n) pushed against his fingers one more time before he finally slid them in. Todoroki let out a small moan at how soft she felt, as he imagined what other parts of him would feel like rubbing against her. He started off with small and soft movements, watching in awe as (y/n) leaned her head back in a fit of moans. She really was gorgeous to him. Todoroki began moving his fingers a little faster, watching as she began to crumble with each motion.

“Shoto, please I-”

“Let go (y/n), let it all out.” Todoroki mumbled as she pulled him into another kiss. His fingers began pumping faster inside of her as she practically began to scream against his lips. Todoroki groaned at the friction that began to be caused by her hips bucking against his buldge.

“Hey you guy- HOLY FUCK!” Bakugo yelled causing the two to break apart immediately. (Y/n) turned her head to see Bakugo, Kirishima, Midoriya, and Ochako all standing in the door way. Kirishima was laughing his ass off at Bakugo who seemed like he was about to cry. Both Ochako and Midoriya seemed to be embarrassed.

“So this is what studying means?” Kirishima laughed even louder at his friend who’s face was bright red as she scrambled off the very annoyed looking boy. Todoroki threw a book at all of them.

“All of you, out, now!” He snapped and they all stepped out of the room with their hands up in defense.

“Oh my- I have to move schools now, hell I should probably just move countries, fuck-”

“(Y/n) breathe, it’s okay, we are okay now, I’m sorry I should have never-”

“No what we did was okay, I Uh, I liked it-” (y/n) looked at Todoroki with hopeful eyes, that made her look entirely too innocent for his liking. He stepped closer to her and pulled her into another kiss, this one soft and gentle.

“I liked it too.” Todoroki whispered against her lips.

••••••••••••

that’s it for part one !! i will be updating this story within the next few days. thanks you guys ♥️

[thesaltyoceanwaves]

"I Did It For Love” or the failings of Teamwork in S3 (a snippet of a rant thing I never finished but felt like sharing anyway)

For context, when I mention “another” theme: my argument is that the main theme of the season is “growth/decay/change in general,” with Stormy Weather 2 meant to serve as the thesis episode of the season. Obviously, it fails in this matter, but that’s besides the point of this particular section. This section is tentatively called “I Did It For Love” and was mostly completed, but there are probably a few things missing to really make the point.

I hate GabeNath. There, I said it. Before, I simply just didn’t care about either one of them, but now, after hijacking episodes that should have focused on other characters, I hate them.

However. Their relationship is clearly meant to parallel the one between Ladybug and Chat Noir, and also suggests the presence of another theme (or subtheme?) that we should talk about. And that’s the theme of teamwork and synchronicity.

Going back to “Reflekdoll,” for a moment, we see that Mayura decides to assist Hawkmoth in the field by creating a sentimonster to compliment his akuma. Meanwhile, Misterbug and LadyNoire are at the disadvantage of using different powers. And while LadyNoire has no problems with her powers, she still takes on the majority of work while Misterbug struggles. Clearly, the villains are much more in sync with one another than our heroes, and that’s likely because their goals align very well with each other. Gabriel wants his wife back, and Nathalie is willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy.

This still plays into our first theme, however, because Nathalie is undertaking something that physically changes her for the worst - she becomes weaker and sicker with each passing use of the peacock miraculous.

Our heroes, on the other hand, don’t seem to have goals that compliment each other very well. Ladybug’s focus is keeping the city safe, mastering the miraculous and wisdom of being a Guardian, stopping Hawkmoth, and balancing it all out with her civilian life, namely her feelings for Adrien and her goal to enter the fashion industry. Chat Noir, meanwhile, seems to care more about getting Ladybug to date him and using his powers to have fun and be free from his life as Adrien.

This can be best seen in “Weredad” where he decides that flirting with Ladybug, while she’s trying to hold back a giant baby from attacking civilians, is better than actually trying to help her.

Or in “Oblivio,” where it’s revealed that prior to getting hit, the two of them were struggling, with Ladybug proclaiming that they aren’t a couple while defending both of them (with the assumption being that it was because of Chat fooling around, they even got hit in the first place).

And at the end of that episode, when they both have very different reactions to Alya’s photo, Chat never stops to consider how Ladybug might feel about her privacy being invaded like that.

This extends to their civilian selves as well. Most episodes focus on Marinette going out of her way to make a “moment” happen between her and Adrien, generally making the entire experience as embarrassing and humiliating as possible. She’s rewarded with a brief glance or a few kind words at best, before Adrien is dragged away by who or whatever the narrative inconvenience of the day is and forgets the whole thing. The notable exceptions to this are “Startrain,” and “Silencer,” the latter of which barely has Adrien appear and doesn’t even have Marinette think about him once. Marinette only seems to matter to Adrien when she’s there, meanwhile, Adrien matters quite a lot to Marinette.

The biggest indicator of this problem though has to be “Chameleon,” where Marinette wants to expose Lila’s lies, but Adrien insists that doing so won’t make Lila turn into a good guy and will only risk her getting akumatized again. They essentially go against the message of the Origins two-parter for the sake of stirring up season long drama, that’s essentially resolved in the most unsatisfying way.

[kagamilole]

Chloe's Season of Redemption?

Season 3 had passed the middle point and now is time for us to try and get what the theme of this season is... and you can see the title about what I think: Chloe is about to be fully redeemed. As you all know, Chloe is a bratty, selfabsorbed girl with the most gigantic ego in the entire area and she's just as blind to everything as the others in the town, if not even more so... hell, it wasn't until Animaestro that she realized Marinette liked Adrien, meaning her previous actions against Mari were not even out of competition by his affection, but either Mari was just getting in the way of her own approach to him or because Mari was in the way of something else she wanted. And yes, a lot of what Chloe did to mari back in Season 1 could now be traced to Lila in season 3, making her more of a downgraded villain for the series who some think may come back for the finale... However, she's also aware of her shortcomings, aware of how lonely she actually is, with only two real friends in the world (Sabrina and Adrien) with a mother she fails to connect with and the fact she's pursuing fame and recognition... all things that Mari accidentally got in the way of. And all this leads me to the reasons I think Chloe is heading to a Heel-Face Turn that was not yet fully realized.

1) Miracle Queen may be Chloe's last villain role. As we all know, the season will end in a two parter named "Battle of the Miraculous" which would compose of Loveater (Chloe's parents akumatized in a cerberus-like creature) and Miracle Queen (Chloe akumatized for the final part on Hawkmoth's plan), thus making it prettu Bourgeois-centric. This may actually lead to Marinette and Chloe facing up their weakest points, as now Hawkmoth will go all in. Marinette and Adrien have no idea what they will face (though given the leaks' production codes, Dragon Bug and Snake Noir are slated to appear in this episode, so we know it's gonna be painful) but Chloe... what may happen to her? Lot's of things may happen this episode, I can't wait for the series to keeop on going.

2) Chloe still has (feint) moral anchors. A lot of people forgot that the reason why she was let go from being Queen Bee was not because of Chloe's attitude, but because, as everyone knows her identity, she's in risk of being targeted for akumas. And even after being told that, she knew that, in the eyes of Ladybug, she's still worthy of the Miraculous. I mean, it's likely that what happens in Feast (Summary said Master fu will tak the Miraculouses from Mari and Adrien) will address the thing of "taking out of action for your own protection", which we dunno how will they address it. I mean, they tried to address the reasons for not only keeping their identities from the world but also from each other in "Mayura" by showing it with Chloe and Alya and Nino respectively... but the first point falls flat because what beat Chloe was not her family akumatized again, but that she was blindsided from fighting THREE VILLAINS and she was winning until she got tricked out of the picture; the second point fell flat because the couple thing would had actually saved them (Nino only had to kiss Alya and MARI KNEW THAT) but also because not knowing Ladybug's identity didn't save him from sacrificing himself over and over and OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN GODDANGIT!! Back to the point is that... yeah, Adrien and Ladybug are still high in her moral compass and she still can hold herself through that. She's not like Lila in that aspect. Hell, she still has the willpower to fend off an Akuma and "de-evilize" herself, something no one could do before, even if trying (granted, she wasn't evilized yet, but he was unable to even get there... THAT is awesome).

3) Chloe, as Queen Bee, is not a bad fighter. Granted, she can't fight against the more expert villains like Mayura/Natalie and her performance is hindered for her spotlight hunger, but she does have fighting ability, as she was able to hold her ground against two strong villains until she was blindsided by a very tricky and not easy to fight villain (Seriously, Queen Bee vs. Akumatized Bourgeois was a mismatch, no matter who was wielding the Bee Miraculous... also, with the low size, fighting Despair Bear is like fighting Oddjob in Goldeneye 007 for the N64.,.. gamers out there must know what I mean). She was able to stand her ground and got taken down by a lucky accident. Yes, she tends to leap before acting, but so does Chat Noir, whose only advantage is being stronger than Queen Bee physically and the time he got on the streets compared to Chloe (either 1 or 2 years depending on what Thomas and crew have to say about a question on the Ladyblog). Chloe, with a bit more time, can probably be as good as Mari... which takes me to the last, most controversial point.

4) Marinette and Chloe are NOT opposites, nor they are all that different. A lot of people mentions that Chloe is Mari's antagonist and antithesis, that Mari is someone totally different to Chloe... but nope, she's not. At all. A lot of people are willing to point out how many people did Chloe akumatize, almost even akumatizing Marinette... Marinette actually caused the akumatization of several people as well, including Chloe herself. TWICE. Yes, she is the reason she became Antibug AND Queen Wasp (the problem of Queen Wasp began with Chloe becoming Queen Bee... which was Mari's fault, and so was the conflict that led to the akumatization). Mari was also the reason Alya was akumatized, as well as Max, Lila, Thomas Astruc... partially, she was involved in Miss Bustier's akumatization. And using her powers to her benefit? She did that to call off Lila's lies to Adrien, leading to her own Akumatization. Chloe's abuse of her powers? Led to HER OWN Akumatization mostly. And, I must remember you all, MARI WILLINGLY TEAMED UP WITH CHLOE TO TAKE ON KAGAMI OUT OF JEALOUSY! And yes, she was kind of against the plan of ridiculing Kagami... but she still went through it, even making her own moves that Chloe did not plan. Yeah, Mari and Chloe have several things in common: Talent (Chloe knows ballet and is a good dancer, and let's not forget she may have building talent), both have their share of jealousy (and you'll be pressed to find out who's the bigger "Green-Eyed Monster"), both have a strong will that can fend off evil (That's... oddly specific, I must say), both have heroic hearts, if their reasons are different... hell, I wonder how would be a world in which Chloe is the daughter of two bread makers and Mari is the daughter of the Mayor of Paris...

So... yeah, that's my theory: Chloe was never meant to be auto-redeemed as Queen Bee and may be redeemed as Miracle Queen.