#also i know clare is short but i also feel like she might be the kidna person that wears rlly high heels etc yk

[bunniebi]

"So?"

>"I can probably let you slide"

>"I'll make room, just for you." ♥

[passingreviews]

Searching for Self: “Passing” Review

By Danielle Bing

Director Rebecca Hall’s debut feature length film Passing by Rebecca Hall was inspired by the 1929 novel Passing by author Nella Larsen. Hall’s career has been as an actress but in 2021 she made her directorial debut with this film. Passing follows two Black women, Irene Redfield played by Tessa Thompson and Clare Bellow played by Ruth Negga are old friends who have recently reunited. As Irene and Clare become reacquainted with each other Irene soon discovers that her childhood friend has been “passing” as a white woman. While Irene’s complexion is also light enough for to pass as well, she instead chose to live her life as a Black woman. As the film unfolds, the audience watches Irene as she questions her identity through Clare’s expression of her identity.   

Rebecca Hall’s film adaptation of Larsen’s novel came into fruition as a personal journey to understand her family’s background. During an interview with actress Uzo Aduba entitled “How Passing Was Adapted From Book To Netflix” for the But Have You Read the Book? Youtube book club webseries–Hall explained that throughout her childhood her mother seemed to have African American features however, when she questioned her mom about it she would dismiss the question. Eventually Hall’s mother revealed to her that her maternal grandfather was an African American man who chose to pass for white and the family never spoke about it. How Passing Was Adapted From Book To Netflix | But Have You Read The Book? The film, like the book, is a narrative that explores the aspects of identity and how identity forms perceptions of one’s own self and the external perceptions of other people.

What Really Made The Movie: The Details or The Acting? 

The cinematography of Passing is absolutely breathtaking! Given that this is Hall’s first feature length film one might not expect the level of intricate detail that is captured in this film. One of the strengths that can be seen throughout the film in both the details and the acting is ambiguity. The film is beautifully shot in Black and White during the 1920s in New York. This gives the film a more authentic feeling as it is a period piece. Had the movie been shot in color it would have taken away from a sense of realness that would have come from a colorized film. When the viewer watches the film closely they can see the many tones of gray and the shadows which enhance the costuming and settings. The absence of color forces the viewer to watch more closely in order to really see the details in the costumes, makeup, and props. By shooting the film in Black and White it enhances Irene and Clare’s ability to perform varying aspects of identity like race and class. Additionally, the film being shot in Black and White also makes it more difficult for the viewer to determine the skin complexions of Irene and Clare and complicates how they are perceived by others.

One of the scenes that captures the perception of how Clare and Irene are viewed well is towards the beginning of the film when Clare introduces Irene to her white husband John. Irene is surprised that Clare has a white husband. During their short conversation John makes several derogatory statements about African Americans. Irene in a sharp and direct tone asks “So, you dislike Negroes, Mr. Bellew?” John, without hesitation and in an assertive tone responds to Irene’s question stating “No, no, no, not at all. I hate them” as John and Clare laugh (Passing, 2021, 17:10 to 17:18). Irene abruptly begins to laugh in an off-putting and hysterical manner as she masks how she truly feels and does not draw any curiosity from John that would make him pay closer attention to her risking her true racial identity. This mask of laughter while uncomfortable for Irene affirms John’s racist behavior. Irene knows that if she says something to challenge John’s blatant racism she could be caught and her and potentially Clare’s safety could be jeopardized.         

The camera shots and angles force the viewer to focus on the acting of one or two characters at a time. Hall has discussed in several interviews such as: Tessa Thompson & Rebecca Hall Break Down the Dance Scene from 'Passing' | Vanity Fair and MVFF44: 'Passing' - Conversation with Rebecca Hall, Ruth Negga, Nina Yang Bongiovi that she used a 4:3 frame for most of the film which concentrates on the actor and blurs out the edges of the frame. One of scenes that shows this framing really well is during the dance scene.

The camera lens focuses on Irene and Hugh and blurs the space and background allowing the viewer to pay close attention to their conversation. Both Irene and Hugh are observing and commenting on the people in the room. As they are talking Hugh is commenting and questioning Clare because she has a commanding presence. Suddenly Hugh realizes that Clare is actually a Black woman who is “passing.” Along with Clare’s light complexion, her speech and dress simulate those of a middle-class white woman. Not only is Clare passing by race but also by socio-economic status as well making her seem so believable as a white woman. If you are not watching her very closely most people would not realize that she is a Black woman. Clare performs her whiteness so well that her own husband does not even notice that she is actually a Black woman.

Sound is one of  the most intricate aspects incorporated throughout the film. Sound makes the film compelling in several ways. From the opening seconds to the very ending of the film, sound enhances the film and supports the pace of the film. The sounds throughout the film help to signal the viewers feelings in particular moments, especially the moments when Irene’s inner self feels seen or when she is the one observing others. The undersounds of the film help to capture what is happening in a particular scene and how a character might be feeling.

The acting of the main characters: Clare and Irene make the narrative believable. Clare and Irene in particular, need one another in order for the film to work because of the personality differences of the characters. Irene needs Clare to self-reflect on her identity and who she thinks she is as she is going through a personal identity crisis. The exceptional acting by Tessa Thompson (Irene) and Ruth Negga (Clare) shine through their respectable characters. Thompson’s ability to play a character who is so uncertain of herself and Negga’s portrayal of a woman who is so free and does not conform to the labels of society are difficult to play. Once the viewer thinks that they understand a character something happens and disrupts their beliefs and makes them begin to question their knowledge of the character once again.

The Binaries of Identity: What Does It Mean to Pass?

Historically, American social structures have formed hierarchies which have shaped our understanding of identity. Social-hierarchical structures place value and provide meaning which impact how people are perceived. While a person can move between economic classes, race is often considered as a fixed category of identity. During the early-twentieth century the “one-drop” law was enacted to legally define racial status. Essentially, any person with any African ancestry became part of the Black racial group. Race is one of the most powerful social constructs, especially in America. Someone being labeled as a Black person created many societal disadvantages especially during the early-twentieth century. When a person steps outside of their assigned or assumed “category” it causes concern because they are disrupting social norms. Irene demonstrates this well in the film. Before Irene reunites with Clare, she was living a life where she conformed to society's expectations of a woman. Irene is a middle-class Black woman who adheres to the politics of respectability and tries not to draw attention to herself. Whereas Clare does not fit into a binary, does what is expected of a middle-class white woman, and welcomes the attention of others. By refusing to label herself she appears free to the viewer. So free that it can become uncomfortable or even frustrating when trying to understand Clare. 

Clare welcomes the gaze of other people, and she enjoys it. Rebecca Hall describes Clare as someone who has an identity without boundaries. During the same interview with Uzo Aduba Hall explains  “Clare is gay when she needs to be. She’s straight when she needs to be. She behaves like a man when she needs to be. She behaves like a woman when she needs to be. She’s black. She’s white. She’s this walking duality.” (How Passing Was Adapted From Book To Netflix | But Have You Read The Book?, 2021, How Passing Was Adapted From Book To Netflix | But Have You Read The Book?) She is constantly “passing”. Passing brilliantly shows the fluidity of identity rather than identity as being a fixed state. Clare’s character portrays this throughout the film as she continuously moves between race, class, sexuality, and culture. She is visible and invisible at the same time.

When viewing the film ,it is important to do so when you can focus without distractions because symbolism is incorporated everywhere in the film. From the costumes, accessories, and makeup to each prop. Hall’s usage of symbolism and foreshadowing through props and sound helps to control the pace and the feeling in different scenes. Irene is constantly dropping and breaking things. We first see her drop a flowerpot out of the front window of her home. Later , we see her at a party strongly gripping a teapot and dropping it as she stares at Clare who is receiving attention from everyone. These moments lead up to the ambiguous ending of the film. Symbolism also allows the viewer to form their own interpretations of Irene and Clare’s behaviors and emotions.

Was She Pushed? Did She Jump? Or Was It Something Else…?

Hall, like Larsen, purposely left many aspects of the film ambiguous. Making the decision not to provide all the answers to a film is unusual. However, by doing so the viewer's interpretation allows them to create their own conclusions about the characters identities, actions, and feelings. This also allows for the viewer to project their own beliefs and then reflect on them. This is skillfully done and keeps the viewer questioning, guessing, and rethinking what the characters are thinking and feeling throughout the movie and creates a constant reexamining of one’s self. 

The ending of the film leaves the audience in suspense because what happens to Clare is left untold. The ending allows the audience the ability to choose their own ending. The lack of knowing strengthens the film because it further complicates the narrative and themes within the film. As well as invites interaction from the audience by causing them to grapple with the ending of the movie and how they come to their conclusion. This allows all assumptions to be true and the film reveals that there can be more than one truth.

[areseebee]

I'm fascinated about Michelle/Rafael and Clare/Faye can we hear more about them? I know they're small parts of the story but you're so good at storytelling that I'm interested in those relationships!

oh that means so much to me, thank you! i think it's truly one of the best compliments when someone is interested in the OCs ☺️

faye:

faye appears/is mentioned in this short piece of writing and also this one. i also explain some bits about her in this post, this post, and this post.

and here’s some lovely faye art

a lot of what i've shared about faye is in relation to james as opposed to clare, so i'll say a little bit here. clare/faye's whole story is a little ambiguous in my head, primarily because i'd like to write it at some point and have been telling myself that i'll figure it out then lol. but i've played around with a lot of different ideas. the beginning of them knowing each other stays the same, no matter how i imagine them getting together - clare meets faye through james, and they become fast friends. i've imagined a scenario where clare meets faye before she knows it's faye - perhaps they both show up to the same cafe and hit it off, before clare's sickening realization that this is james's faye. but clare is practical and this isn't exactly the first time she's had a crush on a girl she can't have, so the crush is dormant for years. maybe clare has a steady girlfriend for a few years in there. maybe they break up, and faye is paying a friendly visit to her in dublin and for moral support. maybe faye says something like "you need a rebound, i'll be your wing woman." maybe faye accidentally makes herself the rebound. so many possibilities!

but i see clare and faye as sorta sun and moon, straight-laced and eccentric, high strung and relaxed. not necessarily opposites attract, but more like they are complementary colors for each other.

rafael:

here's some beautiful rafael art.

i haven't shared a lot about him before, i'm realizing! probably because he's actually showed up in someday, while faye has yet to make an official appearance. i would also like to write a proper michelle/rafael fic once i'm done with someday - and that might come before a clare/faye fic, since it feels a little more solid in my head.

there a lots of hints at rafael and michelle in someday that would likely be properly part of their story - that they met at his bar, the salsa nights probably play a role, that she babysits for his daughter, which leads increasingly to getting to know each other and spending time alone outside of when she simply pops in to have a drink. i have a good time imagining a mr. sheffield/fran fine kinda vibe.

i really see rafael as a very grounding, reliable person for michelle - he's always going to do what he says he's going to do, always where he says he's going to be. michelle has dated a lot, and she doesn't put up with a lot of shit, but she's also trying to be practical - probably not to let herself get too hurt. i think michelle can judge quickly, and know that she shouldn't expect too much and be sort of like "dudes are gonna dude," but as a way to avoid vulnerability. and i think she expects that of rafael, only for him to end up not as she expected him at all and, as a result, falls kinda hard. i think she kinda carries a torch for him for a while - but is always one to take action, so doesn't let that pining last for long. she's seen james and erin's whole thing, after all, and thinks they're fucking dumb so is not going to actively choose that same sort of situation for herself.

i do really love talking about these characters, so welcome any specific questions if i haven't covered something you're interested in here! and hope to be in the weeds actually writing it all down before too long.

[mipwrites]

WIP TAG GAME

Thanks @isahorcrux for the tag!! I love WIP games, and it is nice to check in and let everyone know where youre at in terms of writing! I have a lot in the pipe I haven't even hinted at for writing lmao

Guide:

1. List the titles your top five priorities for WIP updates (link your fics for new readers!)

2. An upcoming scene, event, or detail in each fic that you're looking forward to writing

3. Bonus: make a poll for your followers to vote on which top 5 WIP they are most excited to see an update on!

4. Then tag 10 writer friends!

Titles

A Court of Snow and Shadow Chapter Four -- ACOTAR, Azriel/OFC multi-chapter.

2. Sermon Chapter Eleven -- Batman, JasonEra!Robin Jason/OFC multi-chapter.

3. currently untitled Teen Wolf fic -- Derek Hale/OFC multi-chapter

4. ACOSAS Sequel A Court of Song and Flame -- ACOTAR, IC!Children fic, multi-chap

5. currently untitled Reacher fic -- Reacher (TV series), Reacher/Roscoe whatif! fic - possibly a one shot, more likely short multichapter.

Spoilers Abound Ahead! Turnback now!!!

Upcoming Writing

1. I've been incredibly sick for the last few weeks, so my goal to get chapter four out by the end of February likely will not happen, but I am so excited for this chapter. We're getting into Nyra's POV here, and diving deeper into Winter Court dynamics and her feelings on everything that happened. Her internal monologue has consistently made me laugh while writing, she's hilarious lol.

2. Sermon has been my white whale since 2017 lmao. I took two years (!!!) off because it stressed me out so much just staring at that document, plus everything else going on in my life. But I'm determined to finish it!! and now that actual plot is happening and all the exposition is over, I think that will be a lot easier. I love my lil babies cannot wait to finish their stories lmao.

3. So this one came to me once the Teen Wolf movie came out and uh....I had some issues with it. Namely how this entire series treated Derek. But I also was really interested in the idea of Derek being a parent, and all the questions around that - like who was Eli's mother? Where is she? What would rebuilding a werewolf pack like the Hales *look* like? I delved into it and sadly never found anything concrete enough to plan around, but I may rewatch the series again to get some inspo if there's enough interest.

4. Okay, so yes, I haven't even finished ACOSAS yet, why am I thinking about a sequel lol. Honestly, I just got really interested in what the Inner Court's children would be like, and quickly found myself pulled under lol. A Court of Song and Flame focuses on [SPOILER] Azriel and Nyra's daughter, Aella, and her relationship with a certain son of an Autumn Court Prince. It sort of turned into a buddy cop/romcom/mystery and I really, really love the idea. Just gotta finish ACOSAS!!!

5. I. Love. The. Reacher. TV Show!!! I found the first season so fun and compelling, and just absolutely fell in love with Roscoe. I had this idea of "what if, after leaving Margrave, one day a blonde teenager comes calling to find a father her mother only had stories of. Chaos ensues. I only have the first threads of it but I hope to expand it later.

Tagging a whole host of people that I'm sure might have already been tagged: @thequibblah @clare-with-no-i @emeralddoeadeer @sunshinemarauder @noneedforbloodpressure @acourtofwhatthefuck and anyone else who'd like to do the wip tag!

[simplyclary]

My (Personal) Thoughts on Seasons of Shadowhunters

Note: These are my personal thoughts about Cassie's latest project. Feel free to comment and reply down below and share your thoughts as well.

Recently, one of my favorite authors Cassandra Clare announced a Kickstarter project and it's all about Shadowhunters. I was excited when she hinted at it on her IG stories and was even more excited (with a few mixed feelings) when I finally got the email about the project itself.

My thoughts on this entire project will be broken down into segments/parts (so it won't be long paragraphs without breakers) so if you wanna hear my thoughts, do continue.

Part 1: Secrets of Blackthorn Hall

To be honest with you all, I'm not excited about this one. Well, it could be because it's available online (and here on Tumblr) so maybe that contributed to my non-existent excitement for it. I will also admit that I did not read every single entry of SoBH, I only read like the ones I cared about (Tessa's letter to Sophie is one of them) and the others, I may or may not have skimmed.

Art-wise, the art is beautiful, no doubt. But still, I'm quite skeptical about this one so maybe when it eventually comes, I might change my mind.

Part 2: Careful of Books Novellas

I am honestly not the biggest fan of novellas. I mean, I do read them to further understand the characters of a certain story (I did read A Court of Frost and Starlight by Sarah J. Maas even though it was just the characters having a domestic Winter Solstice).

With this one, I am partly excited, partly not. I have no idea why but the closer it comes, I may be persuaded to be excited about it. It will feature a character whose future is interesting (I can only guess who that is...) and of course, it is set in the Shadowhunter universe (which timeline, I have no idea.)

I got to admit, novellas are fun but like it's not as fun as full-length novels with higher stakes and whatnot so I guess that is also part of it but I'll just have to see where we go from here.

Part 3: Notable Shadowhunters

Now, this is more of a collectible than a book because this will most probably contain more photos than words, which I'm not complaining about. It's always good to have fanart of your favorite Shadowhunters characters. I used to want to own the illustrated book but over time, that feeling kind of went away. I am a practical gal most of the time and I just thought that these photos would be scattered online anyway so if I favored a specific character's card, I would just get it online and print it myself if I desire to.

I'm not sure whether I will purchase it when it comes but who knows, maybe with some convincing, I might be persuaded.

Part 4: Better In Black Short Stories

This is probably what I'm most excited for. I adore the first three short story collections (Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy, Ghosts from the Shadow Market and The Bane Chronicles) and this is probably not gonna be any different. I'm a romance lover by nature and to know that this might feature some of my favorite Shadowhunters couples makes me a little bit more excited. I mean, to be fair, I prefer some couples more than others but getting stories about the prominent couples are not out of the question for me.

I'm looking forward (and slightly hoping) to maybe seeing my favorite couples Simon and Izzy, Thomas and Alastair, Clary and Jace, and Magnus and Alec take the spotlight but I'm not opposed to the idea that other couples (Jem and Tessa, Julian and Emma, etc..) will also be featured since romance is a big aspect in the fantastical tales of the Shadowhunters. Plus, it's never seen before content, so that kind of adds to the hype.

I just need the Clace and Sizzy wedding plus Thomas and Alastair living together, if you get what I mean, okay?

Part 5: The Compass Rose Journal

I may or may not have screamed when I saw this in the email because as a fan of Thomas Lightwood, his compass rose is a sentimental symbol to me and to own a journal with that very symbol, oh, I can dream but I guess it's coming.

And for art to be included, uhm, yes please! Although I honestly thought it would just be like a notebook with like the compass rose etching on the cover but I guess I was wrong.

Conclusion

These are all my thoughts. I may have not worded it all well because I did mention in a previous post that I kind of drifted away from the Shadowhunters fandom for a while now but maybe with this upcoming content, my heart might go back to the shadows or stay in the sunshine where it currently resides. ;)

With that, I say, Hail and Farewell, Angels!

[rinadragomir]

Okay let's talk about it🤗✨

So Cassandra Clare posted that Fairstairs art yesterday or sth where Cordelia was obviously whitewashed. We all know what art was that🤷🏼‍♀️

So people started being mad about which is obviously fair cause it was our first official chot art and that's what we got. What happened next:

People posted these CJ's arts talking about whitewashing. ⚠️As a person who spent LOTS of years being a part of tsc fandom, I remember that these ones were created around 6 years ago, before the first book came out, cause Cordelia was supposed to be a white girl⚠️And that's what i said. Did i support new fairstairs art? No, but if you don't believe me, you can always read what i said.

⚠️Next thing: i defended CJ saying that it's CC who controls how these characters should be depicted.⚠️Why i did it: cause that person spent years and years creating beautiful arts for this fandom, adding those works to whitewashing post seemed weird.

My fault: i focused my words more on protecting CJ. That's absolutely true, i said that new Fairstairs art is a fckn joke, but for some people who also have emotions, my answer looked like I don't care about the whole point of the post. That's not true at all and for that I really wanna apologize.

⚠️Next thing: people who really know me and cared about me showed me some of CJs arts where Cordelia has a really really dark skin and some of her weird answers about "why cordelia always has different skin colour on different arts" (she didn't take it seriously). AND THEN i saw that CJ is problematic. WHITE PEOPLE ARE STUPID AND NEED TIME TO EDUCATE THEMSELVES DUH and i really appreciate those people who just explained everything. Now i know that it was wrong to defend CJ that time.🤝

Was it too late? Of course it was🤗 Did i say that we deserve new versions of Cordelia AND Alastairs flower cards? Yes, and you can find it. Did people notice? Of course not, it's not that entertaining✨💅Happy Hunger Games🤤

Was i stupid when i started talking about CJ when the post was about CC? YES OF COURSE literally no ones surprised)))))

Am i gonna apologize to those 6-7 people i dont even know (lmao who are they really), who started to send 535842 hate asks to my friends (wishing them death of course?) when i didn't even insult anyone? I'm so sorry you were left without an individual apology letter. It will happen again ❤️

Oh and FUN STORY ABOUT ME BEING TRANSPHOBIC, that's really entertaining 👻

For the record: I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE, CIS BOY/GIRL, TRANS BOY/GIRL, NON BINARY, SAD SEAGULL you're always welcomed on this page, it's not a cheap drama channel🤗

So remember that day when that fantastic beasts trailer came out? It's a short story:

I, person who never even watched any of these movies (talking about fb not hp), saw that Mads is playing grindewald. AS A HUGE HANNIBAL STAN ( i love this fandom too much, you don't understand), i was like: lmao mads just can't stop playing evil gay killers🤣😭

And i made a post about it (i didn't even tag hp, only mads, grindewald and hannibal)

BUT UNFORTUNATELY I'M TOO FUNNY😌 so it became popular. That day Mads deleted his inst page and i made a post saying: STOP WISHING HIM DEATH, THAT BITCH ROWLING IS ALL YOURS, SAY IT TO HER CAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHE DESERVES.🤬 People started making posts "one note - one terf dies" and one kid tagged me and told their friends I'm a terf and I was UPSET YOU KNOW but again

As a person who spent lots of time here i just know that justifying yourself is a useless thing, cause people see what they wanna see. They don't understand that some might really commit su*cide. (But not me, you can't hurt me if I don't have a soul😌)

👉This post was made for 3 reasons:

1 - to clarify this situation for those who still don't understand what's going on.📍The thing is: some people who follow me now receive million asks where people wish them death, so if you don't feel safe please just UNFOLLOW ME cause I'm worried. And if you stay, please turn off anon asks for a while, people only send hate when they can hide.

2 - explain what really happened, so you can hear it from me, NOT MY WORDS DISTORTED BY OTHER PEOPLE WHO JUST ENJOY ALL OF THIS~~~

3 - I'm done with my uni homework and i can't find any good new kdrama and i love writing😌But honestly, I'm just too worried about people on here that i really care about, SEND ALL THIS SHIT TO ME, NOT THEM, I'M GONNA ENJOY IT OKAY. I'm not afraid to lose followers it's not the end of the world when you actually have rl friends✨

Please feel free to share your thoughts, any opinion is important 🌼

Love y'all~

[bria-doublen-a]

Throne of Glass

Non Spoiler Section

So this was kind of my first real introduction to fantasy. Besides Cassandra Clare, I've never read much magic realism and epic fantasy. I've always had a hard time getting into it. But as I get older, the more I'm willing to expand my horizons. Which can explain why I'm jumping on the Sarah J. Maas bandwagon so late.

This book welcomes both fantasy veterans and newbies, like myself! You'll find the world building is not overbearing and difficult to understand unlike some others I've read. Also another great accessory I found was a small glossary in the back. A pet peeve of mine is not knowing how to pronounce the names of people and places and Sarah caters to us by letting us see the pronunciations so we don't feel as completely clueless as we might feel about our characters.

Speaking of, let's talk about our protagonists! I always thought that the tough-as-nails female protagonist was overdone and pandering, but I never expected to feel so much love and empathy for Celaena Sardothien. Maas's characters are relatable and genuine, despite watching them interact in a world we know little about. I loved watching the characters speak to each other and I absolutely adored the romance. Every scene feels natural and authentic to their respective personalities.

The only complaint I had, although it's a minor thing, was that some of the chapters seemed extremely short? In the beginning, it sort of reminded me of drabble. Drabble isn't the worst style, it's just not one of my favorites. I prefer to delve into a scene and get lost in the world and shortening the experience can make it difficult for me to make an investment.

All in all, I rate this book 4 out of 5 stars!

Spoiler Section

Okay, so I don't typically like to read the synopsis on the back of books because I find that sometimes they're too revealing and I like to be completely surprised. I usually figure out what's next on my TBR based on character traits/arcs and theme. All this to say, that when I discovered that the other contestants started dropping dead, my stomach dropped. Even though I knew Celaena would make it (basic plot armor and knowing there are eight books in the series with her face on the cover), I felt the tension the entire way through! And when we found those Wyrdmarks under her bed for the first time…*shudders* I was terrified.

And Dorian! Ugh, swoon. I'm literally in love with every single ounce of this man. I don't know, something about those Daddy issues just does something to me lol. No, but really, the way that Dorian saw Celaena for who she was, not what she was made him so likeable. And the fact that he could see that long before Chaol ever could shows what kind of person he is and the man he is becoming.

I realize that this opinion is different from most readers. I find that the majority of the fanbase is head over heels for Chaol. Perhaps my thoughts will change throughout the series, but as of right now, I'm Team Dorian. Even though they broke up at the end, it had nothing to do with Dorian's character and everything to do with Celaena needing to find herself. She's never been free a day in her life and she wished to truly experience that. I can't blame her for that decision even though it literally broke me.

I'm so eager to read more. I went and bought the second book before I was even halfway through this one. What do you think guys? Should I bite the bullet and just buy all eight of them now? 'Cause I'm seriously considering it.

[emmafreakecreations]

You call this fantasy!?

I have a likewise account, which you put in your favorite books, movies/TV, and podcasts and gives you suggestions based on that. Sometimes ppl make their own posts asking for suggestions and everytime I see a fantasy suggestion ACOTAR is always there. Like do you ppl ever read any other fantasy books?! I have been thinking lately about acotar as a fantasy series and comparing it to fantasy books I read when I was younger and books that I'm reading now like A Deal with the Elf King, A Dance with the Fae Prince, and the folk of the air series. Acotar falls so short. I can think of three books/series that I read when I was younger that were way better at empowering women- and two of them are written by men!

I apologize if I'm not great at describing some these books bc it has been years since I read them. Also nostalgia might be a factor.

Ranger's apprentice series (the og-haven't read the spin offs) by John Flanagan- very lotor vibes. While the series centers around a male protagonist in his journey in becoming a legendary apprentice, there is still powerful and intelligent women in the series. Lady Pauline is in charge of espionage at the fief that Will the MC grows up at, and she gets married to Will's mentor. Princess Cassandra, later Queen Cassandra (that's right she is the heir and becomes a ruler) is in disguise during a war in the series and can defend herself. She also helps Will when he is drugged and kidnapped. I always thought she was cool when I was little and she was my favorite. Alyss who is Lady Pauline's apprentice and Will's sweetheart, is marvelous at her espionage job (suck it Feyre). Princess Maddie-Cassandra's daughter- becomes the first female ranger. Jenny, who grew up with Will, trains to be a cook and becomes greater than her mentor and starts her own restaurant. Even if these women aren't warriors they still have power and influence and are actually good at their political jobs.

Cry of the ice Mark by Stuart Hill- mc Thrirrin is a warrior princess and the heir to her kingdom. When a nearby empire threatens to invade she has to rally nearby kingdoms who aren't friends with her kingdom. The kingdoms of werewolves, giant snow leopards, ghosts, and vampires. Also the snow leopard king and werewolf king become drinking buddies\bffs and its the BEST. At some point Thirrin's father dies so she becomes queen and has to lead her kingdom through war.

Igraine the brave by Cornelia funke (author of inkheart) - mc is born into a family of wizards but she doesn't have magic. Because her great grandfather was a knight, she is interested in fighting and military and her family is supportive of her. But when a evil dude wants to steal some magical books from her parent's castle she with some companions must save the day. This book is middle grade but its cute and short.

Princess of the silver woods by Jessica Day George- I honestly don't remember much about it but it's a retelling of twelve dancing princesses and there's a cute leader of a band of thieves that kidnaps the mc on accident. It had an interesting plot-can't remember what it is-but I liked it. That's about it......

Shadowhunter chronicles by Cassandra Clare ( I know the author and this series has it's own problems but I still enjoy most of it)- I feel like i don't have to explain this one. All I have to say is Clare gets mythology correct (from my understanding) and doesn't use it will nilly. She also portrays fae correctly bc everytime there is a plot with the fae involved I think "oh no here we go again this is going to be tough"

Four dead Queens by Astrid Scholte (this isn't a childhood book but it's good)- The world building in this book is so interesting, it reminds me of the worlds in the animated winx club. There is a kingdom giving off medival vibes, another gives off victorian england/oliver twist vibes, one has Venice during the renassiance vibes, and one gives off distopian sci-fi vibes. These kingdoms are ruled by queens who have a capital city- they rule together but are in charge of their respective kingdoms. the mc is a thief and steals important information from a palace messenger. She finds out the message is about killing the queens and so the messenger and the mc must stop the assassinations. The plot twist was interesting and you can easily piece together clues to figure it out yourself, or you could just be like me and see the clues and think "huh that's interesting" and move on then when the twist comes be like "you know I should have seen that coming."

I have lots more but this is getting long

[freddiekluger]

Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation 

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit. 

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad? 

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on). 

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans. 

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious. 

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive. 

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman. 

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend???? 

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t. 

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out 

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

[fae-fucker]

Review: Stolen Threadwitch Bride by Clare Sager

True names hold power. Fae cannot lie. And the women they steal become their brides. When threadwitch Ariadne is taken by a fae lord as part of a centuries-old bargain, she expects to marry him whether she likes it or not. But, desperate to return home, she won’t give in easily. Even if Lysander claims he doesn’t want her hand in marriage but for its skill with needle and the threads of magic, everyone knows the fae are not to be trusted. Plotting her escape, she sews spells into cloth and tries her hardest to ignore his charms as well as the fae realm’s equally alluring beauty. But she soon discovers his world is as dangerous as it is beautiful. With dark creatures in the forest and enemies who wear friendship as a mask, Ariadne must make every stitch perfect if she wants to not only escape but also keep Lysander alive. Which, it turns out, is something she wants far more than she ever expected. If you love feisty heroines, enemies-to-lovers romance, and arrogant fae lords with hearts of (mostly) gold, you’ll love this new adult fantasy romance that’s perfect for fans of Holly Black and Sarah J Maas. This is the sixth installment of STOLEN BRIDES OF THE FAE, a series of stand-alone short novels written by various romantic fantasy authors who share a passion for fantastical love stories.

This was me reading this book past the first few chapters:

And not in a good “uwu I’m going feral over this ship” way.

I have no words. I only have the rage of a thousand suns that I will have to translate for you mere mortals. Try not to flinch.

So you see how the blurb on Goodreads mentions Holly Black and SJM all lovingly? Well, that’s because Clare Sager gave them both, but especially SJM, a big ol’ sloppy gluck gluck 3000 and this was what she spit out on the page for all of us to enjoy. Like, yeah, there’s some saliva on there that belongs to her, certainly, but most of the DNA in this concoction was provided by Kween Sarah.

Now you might think, “Wow Eff! That’s a disgusting metaphor!” Well, my dear friend, I’m only showing you my true feelings on this work of fart. I genuinely do not see any artistic value in this whatsoever, so it might as well be the book equivalent jizz drying up on the sheets for all the good it does.

First of all, the blurb. While most of it is accurate enough to the plot, Ariadne never really has to worry about betrayal from friends. That’s just window dressing and an attempt at making the plot sound more complex than it is, the intrigue more clever than it is, the characters deeper than they are.

Because you see ... there’s nothing here. There’s no depth. And while this book is technically better written than Goblin Bride, the other big stinker of the series so far, at least Goblin Bride had some ideas of its own, had some quirks of its own, and its incompetence and meandering nonsense was a lot more interesting to read than what was essentially a big fuck-off list of fae tropes all rolled into one star-symbolism-flavored package of nothing at all.

This book has nothing unique going for it. It follows the tropes of the genre to a T, with cookie-cutter characters that function but don’t charm, with a plot that moves but doesn’t engage, and a twist that works but doesn’t impact because you just do not care that there was a twist at all.

Ariadne is a threadwitch. This is a title we never find out more about, but it existing implies there are more like her. Want to know more? Fuck you. Originality is not allowed here. She’s a threadwitch because she’s faetouched, which also turned her hair white and made her an outcast. Yes, you read that right. She’s a beautiful, short, curvy, fawn-skinned girl with brilliant white hair and cool magic, and the narrative goes out of its way to assure us that she was an outcast and a pariah because of these things. Yes, it’s that kind of story. It also makes extra little sense here because we’re shown that human women and their relatives want the women to be taken by the fae, because they’re seen as powerful and alluring, but this hot piece of ass with Mystical White Hair was somehow oppressed because she was Different and Not Like Other Girls? Ok. Sure. That just makes too much sense if you ask me. There’s even several instances where she frets about how all the fae women are tall and elegant and wispy and she’s just so short and curvy and has such fat tits and a juicy ass. Oh, no! She’s conventionally attractive! Someone fetch my smelling salts!

Ariadne’s “conflict” is that she vaguely has anxiety (one of the worst portrayals of anxiety I’ve ever read, and I’m allowed to say that as I suffer from it myself) and she blames herself for her parents’ deaths of a plague that gave her cool scars. Her “character arc” involves realizing she’s more powerful than she thinks and she should want better for herself and stop blaming herself for what happened.

On paper, this is fine. But the way it’s executed made me want to peel my skin off. It’s less executed and more ... performed. Like the author had a little list of things that needed to happen, and she just wrote it all out step-by-step, mostly inside the character’s head without much thought for who Ariadne was or what prompted her to change and evolve. It felt less like a person evolving and more like one of those little dinosaurs in eggs that you put in water and then they expand. It looks like growth, but there’s no life behind it. An expected outcome for a predictable character arc. Ariadne wasn’t her own person, she was an amalgamation of a bunch of existing characters in fae stories that had gone through that exact arc and ended up in the exact same place.

The one thing that offered Ariadne some genuine conflict was Rose, her best friend who appears in the first chapters of the book. Ariadne mentions Rose nearly every time she longs back home and that’s the one aspect that I actually found believable, but of course, once she and Lysander shack up, most thoughts of Rose disappear from Ariadne’s head and we never get to see her again, not even in the epilogue, but we do get another fade-to-black sex scene! Right after we got one just before. Well done. Could’ve spent that time reuniting Ariadne with the only character that actually felt like she had a genuine connection to, but no, we gotta fuck again. Poor Ariadne doesn’t even get to keep the one thing that kind of gave her some semblance of personality and motivation. I get what the author was going for, even if it’s painfully tropey, but when part of Ariadne’s “character arc” is that she realizes she doesn’t actually want to return home and that her longing back isn’t good for her, implying she belongs in the fae lands and specifically with Lysander? For a character this bland, it’s extra damning, even if it’s a common trope in romance novels of this kind (the want vs the need). Here it just reads like Ariadne truly had nothing going for her and it was only through the kidnapping and the Lysander fucking that she became her own person, supposedly.

So is Lysander any better? Haha, of course not. He’s somehow even more generic, which is probably because we spend the entire time in Ariadne’s head and that at least fools one into believing she has any characteristics at all. Lysander is snarky but hot, sad but nice, and his parents are dead and he blames himself for their deaths too. Wow, parallels and whatnot. Lysander being a stale piece of bread wouldn’t have been such a big deal if Ariadne was interesting or compelling, he’d only be there as a crutch for her evolution and that would’ve been fine, but when she’s that boring herself, watching these two trying to convince me they’re in love felt like sadomasochism on my part. I kept reading out of a sense of obligation, not because I was eager to see where it was going.

They fall in love because that’s their roles in the story, that’s what they must do, and as empty vessels made up of watered-down Judes and Cardans, Rhyses and Feyres, they had fuck-all to offer in terms of chemistry or emotion. They fell in love as they had to, they fucked under the stars as they were meant to, they had a falling out because Ariadne was stupid and still insecure about herself so she must believe the obviously manipulative and obviously cruel words of a rando she knows dislikes her over the words and actions over the man she supposedly loves (I fucking HATE this trope btw), and then they faced a last-minute Big Bad and Ariadne girlbossed her sweet Curvy™ ass all over the place and saved the day by overcoming her anxiety, which was easy because she was doing it for her man!

Another thing that annoyed me beyond reason was how aggressively heterosexual it was. Like, moreso than the other books in the series. Ariadne kept going on and on about how massive and strong and masculine and manly and powerful Lysander was compared to her own tiny frame and soft flesh and little hands and weak muscles. It was bordering on parody at some points. In one scene Ariadne was measuring Lysander’s shoulders and noted that wow, they’re perfect! Literally mathematically perfect, symmetrical to the millimeter. And this is emblematic of the whole story -- the appearance of perfection, the appearance of appeal, parroted back because that’s what the author read elsewhere and not because it actually meant anything in the story itself. Most people reading this probably like a nice pair of shoulders, so if I make them literally perfect, it’ll mean my male character is that much more attractive, right?

Reading that was hilarious, pathetic and sad all at once. Good thing Ariadne wasn’t making him a hat, eh? Else her measuring and proclaiming he had a mathematically perfect head would’ve put us into some real murky waters.

Adding to that was the fact that the writing was just bad. It was fine on a technical level, but narratively it was very sad to read. Mainly the because the dialogue was always so straightforward? Like, it read like lines off a Pinterest board, characters spoke in grand celestial metaphors that didn’t sound like anything anyone would say, much less appropriate for who they were as people. Because they weren’t people, they weren’t characters, they were walking archetypes without a single unique thing about them, so it made sense that they always spoke without subtext or double meanings and never concealed what they felt. They had no depth, but they did have cues and lines, and they were reading them with script in hand.

This romance was hollow, soulless, performative, and hopelessly derivative. There’s no effort here, no emotional honesty, no artistic integrity, nothing at all that suggested the author gave a fuck about any of what she wrote.

The side characters are probably the greatest proof of this. We find out through recaps from Ariadne that apparently she befriends the people in Lysander’s household, and she tells us of times she grew closer to them, but we never actually see any of it. There’s Hil, the matronly one, there’s Sylvanas Windrunner Sylvanna, Ariadne’s gal friend who likes fashion, because of course. And that’s that on that. There’s nothing more going on there. Then there’s Sallis and Hobb, who are almost always mentioned together, and Hobb I think is supposed to be nonbinary because they’re always referred to with neutral pronouns, but, get this, they don’t even get a single line of dialogue! Wow! Enby rep! We love to see it! Would love to hear it as well sometime, but I guess the cissies aren’t ready to let us speak yet! We’ll get there one day, gang!

None of these characters add anything, and it’s extra insulting to then hear Ariadne regale us with how much she’s grown closer to them when several of them don’t get a single fucking line of dialogue. Why include them at all, I wonder? Why waste our time and your word count when you clearly don’t want to spend more words to actually let them be characters. So fucking cut them out!

Then there’s Fluffy, the hellhound. She’s the cutesy animal mascot that, again, barely serves a purpose aside from, I assume, getting some token squeals because uwu pubber! Ariadne even calls the dog her “silent shadow” multiple times and that’s apt in ways I don’t think the author intended.

We also have Boyd, a guy who’s cranky at Ariadne and doesn’t like her because she’s human and has magic and he’s fae and doesn’t. Sorry for spoiling it, I guess. His character arc is somehow more compelling than Ariadne’s, but it doesn’t really go anywhere or serve any purpose aside from being an obvious red herring that gets dropped the moment the real villain enters the scene.

The real villain is a dude named Goren and he’s blonde and evil and horny. We don’t really find out much about him or his motivations, he’s just evil and horny and that’s bad. Also he’s blonde so that’s bad because Lysander is dark-haired and dark = good and light = bad. Except when Ariadne has white hair, then she’s Ly’s starlight his evening star his only light in the dark sky gluck gluck oh SJMommy your dick is so big I can barely fit it into my novella!

Yeah, the aesthetics are very generic as well, which doesn’t help the general feeling of this all being performative and derivative. It’s a very common type of symbolism, I use it in my fae story as well, but here it doesn’t actually seem to connect to the characters as people at all? It’s not used as metaphor, it’s not used to illustrate something about the characters, it’s literally just sexy window dressing for a generic brand Feysand, which was already a generic brand fae romance to begin with. And this book doesn’t even have cringey edginess or uncomfortable oversexualization that makes SJM so popular, so it’s all just ... bland and tame and empty.

This book has no soul. It’s not vulnerable and sweet and romantic, it’s a list, an instruction manual, an amalgamation of tropes done with so little passion and love it genuinely made me hate anything fae-related while I was reading it. It’s not funny bad, it’s not badly written, it’s just text on paper, tropes in a line, cardboard cutouts dressed in stars and darkness talking at each other about their heavenly love for one another. Reading it felt like staring into a black hole. It’s empty, it ingests everything near it but births nothing, and boy does it suck.

[bemtevis]

Cassandra Clare's LGBTQ+ Rep

I'm here, I'm queer and I am angry. I'm also: not the LGBTQ+ community's spokesperson, and people are going to have different experiences with different characters. I'm just here to talk about mine.

Bisexuality:

We are often seen as flirty and even promiscuous people. Of course there's nothing wrong with being those things, but it's different when a straight author portrays most of her character like that.

• Matthew Fairchild (TLH), who's seen making out with both men and women by James.

• Magnus Bane (TMI), who flirts with everyone, including his love interest who was a 17 year old at the time.

• Mark Blackthorn (TDA) is safe, I'd say. My only problem with him is that his relationship with Kieran and Cristina is called a “hot faerie threesome”, since people like to see polyamory as promiscuous, but I'm not poly and that's not what we're talking about.

• Even Helen Blackthorn (TMI) and Kieran Kingson (TDA) are mentioned to have that kind of reputation. Hers in TEC, his by Mark in their short story, iirc.

Acespec:

People in the acespec (and in the aspec in general) are usually seen as two things: 1. childish and 2. emotionless.

• Julian Blackthorn (TDA) is demisexual. Many times, he's described as cold and ruthless, and while that might make sense with his character and backstory, there were many other characters that could've been in the acespec if not him.

• Raphael Santiago (TMI) is aroace. It's the same problem with Julian: he does care about his friends and all, but he's still portrayed as emotionless and cold. Also he dies, so there's that. I guess if you can't have a romantic plotline, you're not relevant enough.

• This is less about the author and more about the fandom. Grace Blackthorn and Christopher Lightwood (TLH) are two characters I've seen headcanoned as aro/ace– I don't think with him that would be a problem if many of those people also didn't like to infantilize him. Grace is a more complicated topic, and since I'm not aro I'll not be touching on.

Genderqueer:

Ok, it's important to notice that I'm still questioning, but from the little I know of my identity, I'm not happy with CC's rep either.

• Diana Wrayburn (TDA) is a trans woman. She's sidelined, cast aside, and most of her role is to be the protagonists' mentor. No, that's literally her role. She does have a storyline for herself though, so I can't complain about that. I'm also not a (binary) trans woman, so anyone feel free to correct me.

• Anna Lightwood (TLH) is a lesbian non-binary woman. She's a heartbreaker (read: she treats women like shit and canonically objectifies them), and CC's view of wlw as predators is really showing. We're still supposed to believe she's a queen of feminism, I guess.

WLW:

This is more of a complain on how CC sidelines her wlw couples but gives her straight couples way more page time and fetishizes mlm, but that's not what we're talking about.

• Aline Penhallow and Helen (TMI) show up in like,, three chapters in their main saga before being exiled.

• Ariadne Bridgestock (TLH) who spends the majority of the first book in a coma, so her love interest can cry some white tears I guess. Also she's pretty much villanized for protecting herself, and now has to crawl to win her white love interest's affection.

• Ariadne and Anna (TLH) have little to no pagetime. CC seems eager to mention that they ~are gonna make out in a closet~ which after that snippet was leaked, just seems like a desperate atempt to not seem lesbophobic. Also everything I've mentioned above, in their individual parts.

I can't really think of anything else, so anyone feel free to add anything if you want to.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Satisfied, Part 51

First

Previous

Next

~~~

She rested her head back against the wall -- a mistake, there was now water streaming down her face, but one she had accepted. “Hey, Riddler, what happened to your whole ‘we’re not killing kids’ thing?”

“Sorry, kids, but you’re both 18! Fair game!”

She rolled her eyes. “You just called us kids.”

There was a short silence, then Riddler mumbled something that sounded like it might have been ‘shut up.’

Damian worked at attempting to break his bindings with his rock. It was apparently much harder than you’d see in movies, because he was making seemingly no progress.

“Y’know this is a really boring puzzle!” She yelled.

She felt a hand smack her leg and cursed, drawing her knees to her chest and glaring at Damian.

“Can you not taunt the guy who’s trying to kill us?”

“What’s he gonna do? Try and kill us harder?”

“Yes! We at least have a chance of escaping right now!”

She rolled her eyes.

For a while, all that they could hear was the steady stream of water, the clanking of their manacles, and the sharp sound of rock striking metal.

And then Damian managed to pull himself free. He stared at his broken chains for a second, apparently just as shocked as Marinette was that he’d managed to get that to work, and then went to breaking Marinette’s bindings.

This would have been all well and good if the water wasn’t already creeping up her neck.

She sat up as straight as she could, but it wouldn’t be good for long. Even if it would be, she didn’t know how long she could hold the position. The cold water made her muscles ache from the strain of even keeping her neck up.

She bit the inside of her cheek…

She interlocked her fingers in front of her and held them out to him.

He raised his eyebrows slightly.

“I’ll help you vault up. Get out and beat him up for me, will you?”

He gave a quiet sigh of annoyance and continued to try his hardest to break at least one chain on her wrist. “Shut up. I’m not leaving you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Dami…”

“Nope! Shut up!”

She didn’t know what to do. She had no clue and she hated it. There definitely wasn’t a way for both of them to get out, there was no way Damian could break her chains in time. She could tell he knew that, could see it in the frantic way he struck the metal, but then why wouldn’t he stop? The water wouldn’t reach the top, and the walls were too slick to climb. He needed to vault up soon, while she still had enough energy to give him a boost.

He needed to get out while he still could.

She caught his hand on his next strike and held him there. “Dami… please, you have to get out, okay?” She whispered.

He sighed and looked at the rock in his hands, then his eyes widened slightly. He dropped the rock.

“The hell? That worked --?” She began, but then he shoved his hand in her face. She raised her eyebrows. “Nice?”

“Look closer.”

She snickered and glanced it over, then her eyes snapped back to his fingers.

To the industrial steel ring.

She cursed.

He leaned over her and pressed a hand to her chains. “Cataclysm.”

The illusion crumbled to dust around them.

The warm air brought her to her senses in a flash of pain as her body attempted to adapt. She curled inward on herself instinctively, screwing her eyes shut. She reached out and tapped the nearest surface twice. She could hear movement beside her but it took a moment for her to get over the feeling of her skin cracking from the sudden change.

She pried her eyes open and cringed at the Wayne Manor guest room they were in. She was laying on a bed, it seemed. Damian was next to her, though he was quickly getting up. In the corner was a very concerned and confused Riddler.

Marinette managed to pull herself together. Her hands went to her utility belt and she cursed. Empty.

Great, so Riddler had the horse and fox miraculous.

She doubted he would have found much use for the horse miraculous, though him having it was problematic for some of her future plans.

But the fox miraculous…

Well, he’d already shown what he’d wanted to do. The idea of him being able to make insane death traps (because, ultimately, any damage someone took in an illusion transferred over) without any need to ground it in reality? To make them without a paper trail for them all to follow? To be able to hide his victims in plain sight? It was terrifying, and she wasn’t about to just let him have it.

She held her hands up placatingly as Riddler’s hands went to his flute. 

“I don’t want to fight!” The two men looked at her and she gave a somewhat sheepish smile. “Seriously, I don’t. I want to make a deal.”

Ultimately, it was far safer that way. The fox miraculous was a tricky one to deal with, she didn’t want to have to directly engage with it if she could get around it.

She and Damian exchanged looks. He sent her a wary look and she rolled her eyes. After they glared at each other for a bit he finally stepped out of the room, shutting it behind him. She relaxed slightly and slowly scooted her way to the end of the bed.

“Cards?” She asked, giving a bright smile.

His eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he nodded. He took a seat a safe distance away, setting his flute down in his lap in case. She pulled out her yoyo and summoned a deck. She let him shuffle and deal.

“How’d you know? Was the ring the wrong color or something?” Asked Riddler as he handed over half of the deck.

She gave a smile and they started playing war. “Give us the miraculi and I’ll tell you.”

“No.”

Marinette shrugged. Fair enough. She would have been stunned if that actually worked. She bit the inside of her cheek.

“Right, what do you want?”

She nodded slightly. “I want the miraculi back and to have your word that you won’t tell the Rogues my identity.”

“And I get…?”

“I’ll help you get an insanity plea.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. “I’m not insane.”

“Sure, you aren’t,” she said in a gentle tone. “But I’m sure you could find some use for it.”

She let his mind wander to what it would mean. Even if she had no intention of getting him or any of the other Rogues into Arkham (they seemed utterly incompetent and there had to be other asylums around), she let him think that she would. She wasn’t directly lying, really. Just giving minimal information and allowing them to draw incorrect conclusions.

He sighed. “I. De. Clare. War.”

“I. De. Clare. War.” She collected her winnings and looked up at him. “So, what do you think?”

“Why would you help me out like that?”

“A lot of reasons, really, but mostly because I care about you and the other Rogues.”

His hands paused and, after a moment’s thought, he nodded. “Fine. But if you don’t do the insanity plea…”

“You have the right to tell the entire world my identity, I’ll get you a press conference myself.”

He stared her down for a few moments, probably trying to gauge her truthfulness, and then he nodded and slowly handed over the miraculi.

She breathed a sigh of relief and put them away. She tossed her Lucky Charm up and watched it disintegrate. “Right, I’m going to have to make it look like I beat you.”

“Of course.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled, wrapping him in her yoyo and pulling him out the door.

Damian raised his eyebrows. “It worked?”

She grinned. “Obviously. I’m a genius. Also, geniuses don’t have to carry Rogues, so… good luck!”

She handed off the yoyo to Damian before he could react and jumped out the nearest window.

She brushed some stray leaves out of her hair (she’d fallen straight into a hedge, ow) and made her way into the courtyard.

She felt herself relax a little when she saw that everything seemed to be alright. There wasn’t any blood, so no one had died in her absence, and she could see all the Rogues tied up by a fountain. Great.

The bats were circling the Rogues carefully, making sure no one escaped. As she looked closer, though, she could see their stress in the tenseness of their shoulders.

The first person to spot them was Dick, who ran forward and wrapped her in a tight hug.

“Euh…?” She murmured, giving him a short pat on the back. “What’s with all the hugging?”

“You were gone for three hours! What the hell?! We thought you died!”

She felt the blood leave her face. She didn’t even know that was a real thing, she thought that was just something you read about in books, but she’d managed it. The world around her felt cold.

3 hours…?

She forced an awkward laugh and pulled away. “Yeah, we were just dealing with one of Riddler’s traps. He’s annoying. Damian’s bringing him down the regular way.”

Dick nodded slightly, then a frown came over his face. “Wait, Riddler?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Yeah…? That’s… what I said?” She said slowly.

“Not Joker?”

“No, obviously not… why?”

He sighed and pointed at the Rogue pile. Marinette raised her eyebrows slightly, glancing over the faces.

Harley Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Catwoman, Penguin… And Riddler on the way…

But no Joker.

~~~

*frantically googling how to write a climax* *it doesn’t help at all* *struggling author sounds*

~

I don’t get why writers these days are so obsessed with subverting expectations. People guessing what’s happening feels great. Like, yesssss all that work foreshadowing wasn’t for nothing

~

Taglist

@comet-kun @thatonecroc @trippingovermyfeet @swiftie-miraculer13 @nickristus-dreamer @moongoddesskiana @i-am-ironic @indecisive-mess-named-me @thebooki3h @insane-fangirl-of-everything @deepestobservationwombat @theymakeupfairies @fatimaabbasrizvi @clumsy-owl-4178 @fanofalittletoomuch @iamablinkmarvelarmy @nathleigh @lilkymilky @silvergold-swirl @dino-lovingreen-angel @thestressmademedoit @kissa-chan @ladybug-182 @alysrose-starchild @t1dwarrior-of-earth @spyofthenightcourt @rowanrouge @nik-nak-3 @momothefemur @aestheticnpoetic @labschaos @our-preciousss @mochinek0 @eliza-bich @mythogaychic @severelyenchantedwonderland @sashakoi @smolplantmum @bluesimani @tropestropestropes @kitsunebell @keepingupwiththemalfoys @sassakitty @2confused-2doanything @too0bsessedformyowngood @all-mights-asscheeks @demonicbusiness @meg-an-ace @fantasiame @qualitypeacepainter @multplelifes @kokotaru @spicybelladonna @ultimatetornshipper

<3

[beeblackburn]

The Anti-TBR Tag

I was tagged by @books-and-doodles! Thank you! And poor you, for I am a long-winded bastard.

1. A popular book EVERYONE loves that you have no interest in reading?

On general principle, I feel like the really popular stuff (Twilight, Throne of Glass, Divergent, The Mortal Instruments) ends up being stuff I’m inherently not going to be attracted to and some of them have their own hatedoms going on, so going after them in detail would be punching down (though I don’t particular like any of the above). So I’m going to try to go off the beaten path with these seven:

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab = nothing against her personally, though I heard her The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue was baaaaad, but apparently, she’s similar to Sanderson in the magic system being better than the characterization and I heard her writing’s got a white faux-female empowerment sort of thing going that I’m growing increasingly... discontent of by itself. I might try it out later, but I also got hundreds of books to drill through first and I’m in no rush.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo = I’ve been increasingly getting the sense that Six of Crows was a flash in the pan, Bardugo’s style more defined by fun than genuine substance. And given a rather scathing review that points out unearned shifts in characterization, lackluster supporting cast, and two really uncomfortable exploitative sexual assault fantasy scenes (one of which was underaged!), I’m gonna say no.

A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik = I generally like Novik! She’s a very solid writer to me and I’ve bought most of her books, so this is purely me not taking to the Wizarding School genre. Sorry, Novik, "a twisted, super dark, super modern, female-led Harry Potter" isn’t the selling point it once was, and even then, I probably wouldn’t have taken to it. Especially when I’ve already got The Gray House by Mariam Petrosyan to read.

The Alloy of Law by Brandon Sanderson = I’ve got mixed feelings on Mistborn looking back: it’s hardly the worst of his oeuvre (Elantris is that and was admittedly his first book) and The Final Empire took a few narrative risks that I admire, I also found the resulting books a tad juvenile and I don’t take to steampunk, genre-wise. I’m not even that much of a Sanderson fan, so I’d rather just read the summary for all I care.

Storm Front by Jim Butcher = given what I’ve been told about The Dresden Files’ lessening of noir roots past the first few books, how it later became more flashy-and-bang magical, and how it’s pretty sexist early on (and from what I’ve been told, doubled down on it later on and having worse treatments of its female characters), I’m in no particular rush to read them. The urban fantasy genre on them only turns me off more.

The Doors of Stone by Patrick Rothfuss = hahaha, I’m sorry, I did read The Name of the Wind, and read select parts of The Wise Man’s Fear, but everyone, instead of waiting and devoting your time for this book to come, I would suggest reading Fitz, Who Is Actually Good and Can Wring More than Disgust and an Eye-Roll out of You in Robin Hobb’s Realm of the Elderlings, given she is far better at characterization than Rothfuss.

Anything by Paul Krueger, Sam Sykes, and Myke Cole = fuck all three of these men and the idea that I’ll pay for their stuff. While I can’t demand any of you not buy from them and I’ll hardly claim to be a saint in terms of ethics, purchase-wise, I would beseech you all please don’t buy from these three authors who have a history of inappropriateness.

2. A classic book (or author) you don’t have an interest in reading?

Charles Dickens = look, I know his word count is padded because of serial installments back then, but I’m sorry, I wasn’t that impressed by the child-sanitized versions of Great Expectations and Oliver Twist. They were easily some of the most boring of out of the child-sanitized classics I read. It was the pictures that kept me going and barely at that. No thanks.

Emily Brontë =  look, if I wanted shitty people being shitty to each other, I’d much rather read Joe Abercrombie because at least I’ll get some intentional dark comedy out of dumb shitheads being terrible to each other (Best Served Cold comes to mind). And I know we’re not meant to like these self-destructive people, but I’d rather not hate everyone that much.

Alexander Dumas = Three Musketeers really didn’t age well, just from the TV Tropes page and I’m not really looking forward to an adventure that goes out of its way to valorize its protagonists being adventurous assholes who dueled, drank, and womanized harder than anyone else and we should commend that because they were men. Ugh.

3. An author you have read a couple of books from & have decided their books are not for you?

Leigh Bardugo = like I said, I feel like Six of Crows (and Crooked Kingdom, to a lesser extent) was a flash in the pan and she’s been increasingly running on fumes ever since then. Good and fun with a decent eye for characterization, but hardly revolutionary, considering how I think Crooked Kingdom isn’t quite as good as Six of Crows, and the less said about Shadow and Bone, the better.

Neil Gaiman = I’ve read some of his stuff (and I didn’t quite see the hype over his writing, but liked it decently enough) but having heard that, in his Sandman run, he wrote in a transwoman solely to get killed for an emotional ending and how he defended that choice for awhile left a battery acid taste for me to read more. He’s a formative part of people’s childhoods, so I don’t blame anyone for being fans, he’s just not for me.

Steven Erikson = really nothing against the dude, I’m sure he's probably a decent guy, but I didn’t take to Gardens of the Moon at all and skimming Deadhouse Gates and Memories of Ice (which were admittedly better) made me realize its prose was something I would need a hard and sharp shovel to crack through, and the darting around of many, many POVs made me feel not invested in anyone.

4. A genre you have no interest in OR a genre you tried to get into & couldn’t?

I’ll answer both because I have the time:

I’m not interested in romance, mostly because it’s an entire genre built around the build-up. It’s usually the story about the beginning of a relationship, not the relationship itself. I’d genuinely like to read about the story of a romance that doesn’t stop shortly after the hook-up or before the honeymoon period ends. The City Watch parts of Discworld by Terry Pratchett, The Memoirs of Lady Trent by Marie Brennan and The Sharing Knife by Lois McMaster Bujold all have romantic elements that are relatively undrenched in melodrama or frills, but none of them are pure romances, which is a huge problem. I can take romantic subplots in fantasy, but I can’t take the genre as-is.

Urban fantasy is a genre I’m not against having my mind changed on liking, but right now, I generally find it insipid, a shortcut to good world-building, short on great characterization, and an excuse to lampshade and pretense to being above fantastical clichés in a tongue-in-cheek attitude while still committing to them. I do genuinely like Rivers of London by Ben Aaronvitch, but that’s really the concession I can give the entirety of the genre. I took a crack at Rick Riordan and Cassandra Clare’s stuff, but it didn’t feel like my sort of thing. Again, would like to be convinced, but I’d much rather read a domestic or slice-of-life fantasy set in a more overtly fantasy world than the urban one. 

Also, sci-fi, but I’m trying again with the Wormwood trilogy by Tade Thompson, An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon, and either the Imperial Radch trilogy by Ann Leckie, or the Teixcalaan trilogy by Arkady Martine. I snoozed through Azimov’s Foundation and generally bored myself of hard sci-fi books, so I’m hoping contemporary sci-fi changes my mind on the entire genre.

5. A book you have bought but will never read?

A book I personally bought? Honestly, Traitor’s Blade by Sebastien de Castell. No particular reason, I just bought it at a closing-down sale at a branch of my bookstore on the cheap because the cover looked nice and didn’t really take to its blurb. I heard good things though, so if anyone else wants to read it...

I tag @vera-dauriac, @xserpx, @autoapocrypha, @kateofthecanals, @turtle-paced, @insecticidalfeminism, @secretlyatargaryen, @helix-eagle-hourglass-nebula, @xillionart, @jovolovo and whoever else that is following me and wishes to do this tag (I’d like to read your posts, so please tag me! :D)

[that1girloverthere]

Burning Sunflowers

Chapter 5 

His steel grey eyes stare into mine and I feel breathless.

"Listen up!" He calls, his voice deep and commanding, and only as he moves to step off the ledge he was so precariously standing on does he look away from me.

Air finally renters my lungs and I vaguely here someone beside me speak but I pay them no mind as I push myself further forward in the group of initiates. My skirt gets stepped on once or twice and I only stop to fix it when I am nearly at the front.

"My name is Eric and I'm one of the leaders here at Dauntless. We commend you on your bravery thus far, but the real work has yet to begin. To join us you first have to jump."

A hand grips my elbow slightly and I face my Dauntless-born friend, "I'm starting to think they made this process just for you." I smile, thinking about how he may be correct, fantasizing about the feeling of the wind surrounding me again.

"Is there water at the bottom or something?" An Erudite asks from my left, his hair is a brassy red sporting a few small pieces of rock stuck in it from his landing.

Eric merely shrugs, his toned shoulders raising slightly with the movement. "Jump and find out."

This seems to send a collective chill down everyone's spine, creating a stunned silence throughout the group.

"Well?" The leader questions forcefully, "Who's first?"

Again, he's met with silence and I'm made to question my sanity as I raise my hand, speaking up.

"Me. I'll go."

He raises his eyebrows in both confusion and what seems like a taunt. Whispers break out in the group as they come to find me as I step away from the crowd. My red and yellow clothing making me stand out strangely.

"An Amity?" Eric asks, knowing full well that's what I am. Or at least what I was.

I nod, finally making it to the edge of the building, looking over with my hands pressed to the brick. A black void meets me, making my palms become slick.

"Are you scared, Sunshine?" A candor from the far back of the group calls out causing a few people to laugh. It makes my blood boil and forces my body to climb onto the ledge despite my fear, not wanting them to see me falter.

"Today, initiate." Eric says, and I can't tell what lays beneath his stare but it's anything but the boredom he seems to portray in his tone.

I put my back to the hole and fully face the group before me.

"Hey, Candor?" I speak, watching as the boy takes a few steps towards me in answer, his face becoming clear as he stands at the far front of the group. A smirk drags at my lips.

As we make eye contact I begin searching for something in the fabric of my skirt.

"Can you hold this for me?" I ask, the meek girl they assume I am.

He chuckles but even his laugh seems laced with anger and disgust. "Sure thing, Sunshine."

Eric growls to my left and I can tell he's quickly getting tired of both of us.

"Oh, here it is." I call out, my tone too cheerful for my liking. I lift my hand from the red fabric of my skirt and pull up my hand, my middle finger raised.

I manage to see his initial look of outrage and can't help but laugh as I let myself fall.

Air rushes around me and I again feel at peace, my laugh falling with me, only it's cut short when I land on something, making me bounce back up slightly. A net. I smile and stare up at the small square of light above, showing me just how far I fell. Hands reach out and grab me, lifting me as if I weigh nothing, setting me on my feet gently.

"What, did you get lost?" A tanned, handsome man says to me. I grit my teeth as I answer.

"No."

He lets out a breath, a smirk playing in his lips. "What's your name?"

"Violet."

This time he gives me a true smile, his eyes crinkling a bit at the sides.

"First jumper, Violet!" He screams and the people around me I had yet to see applaud so loud I feel the vibrations in my chest. As I move to step down from the concrete slab I was placed on he leans into me and speaks in a hushed voice, "Welcome to Dauntless."

+ + +

I'm left to watch the rest of my fellow initiates jump off by myself. A small group of Candor had formed on the ground quickly after me, not caring to make conversation, most likely still pissed at my display with their friend. It's only when a streak of blue lands in the net, a yelp coming with them, do I gain company.

She comes racing up to me and for a moment I wonder if she plans to hurt me.

"That was amazing!" She calls out, a broad smile on her face.

"It was a pretty nice fall." I offer up, watching as she struggles to fix her wind blown blonde hair that falls to her collarbone.

"What?" She questions, tilting her head slightly. "Oh!" She laughs a bit and from her perky attitude I start to wonder if she might have been better off in Amity.

"No, not the fall. What you did with Bryce. That was hilarious!"

Bryce must be the poor Candor boy that seems to still be on the roof.

"Yeah," I grin, proud of my actions. "I don't really take well to being called Sunshine."

"I can already tell we're going to be good friends," she laughs, "I'm Clare." She extends a hand out to me in greeting and for a moment I pause, having seen the gesture before but never actually participated in it. Amity normal hugged in greeting.

"Violet." I grip her hand in what I hope isn't too harsh of a grasp and shake it once, then twice, before letting go.

Just then a scream tears through the room as a body falls into the net. Only it didn't seem to be from fear but rather rejoice.

My black clad friend from the trip here climbs from the net on his own and only gives the man next to it a look before his name is called out.

"15th Jumper, Kai!"

He makes his way to me and I can't help but smile at the sheer excitement in his eyes. "There you are my little Amity."

"Ah ah ah, I'm Dauntless now." I say to him, giving him a playful glare.

He raises his hands in mock surrender, "Then what shall I call you, my lady." He bows before me.

Both Clare and I laugh loudly, earning us some stares from the other initiates.

"Violet will do just fine."

He raises from his kneel and smiles up at us.

"And you?" He nods towards the Erudite by my side and I can tell she's flustered by the attention.

"Clare," she responds, pink tinting her cheeks.

"Nice to meet-" Kai is about to finish his sentence when the man who helped me from the net claps his hands loudly, silencing everyone.

"Alright gather around!" We all scramble into place, no one daring to disobey him, leaving Kai to join the Dauntless borns with only a wink as a goodbye.

"My name is Four, I'll be your instructor for the extent of your initiation. When I'm not training, I normally work in the control room."

The group of us stays silent, watching him intently as he paces back and forth before us. Even just the way he walks seems intimidating. His body is lean but in no way weak, prominent muscles define his arms beneath the shirt he wears.

"Transfers will also be trained by Eric, the man who you just met on the roof, so expect to be seeing our faces often. Dauntless born, you're with Lauren." He stops his pacing and pauses.

"Transfers, follow me."

As he leads the way through dark hallways illuminated in faint blue light, I stare at his back. Lines of a tattoo peak over his collar. As if sensing my stare he stops abruptly and turns to face us, now walking backwards slowly. A light meets us as we reach an edge. The room is like nothing I've ever seen before.

A massive cavern, as if carved from rock, is filled with people, their voices loud and their actions free.

"This is the Pit, you'll eat and shop here. Nearly anything you could want can be found in this area."

We keep walking but I hear people within my group whispering.

"This is amazing," Clare mutters.

We're lead through more hallways before we reach a set of thick metal doors.

"This is where you'll be sleeping," Four says and pushes the doors open, the muscles on his back contracting with the effort.

It's an open room, well lit, with small trunks sitting at the foot of each small bed. In the center of the room is a table that seems haphazardly propped up, suggesting that they set it up only today. Atop it lays mountains of black clothing and underneath it a pile of boots.

"Boys or girls?" Someone asks.

"Both." He says with a smirk that says he enjoys our surprise.

"Pick a bed and some clothing for the week and head down to dinner." With that he leaves, banging the doors shut, making a few people jump.

"Shower anyone?" Someone jokes but even the comment seems half hearted.

I manage to grab a bed in a corner of the room furthest from the open bathroom, not wanting to be stuck next to people while they showered or worse. Clare joined me to my right.

"I can't believe they want us to live like this. All out in the open." She stresses, walking with me to grab our new clothing.

I nod my head but can't say I'm as repulsed as she is. "Amity was like this in certain places," I comment, digging through a pile of black long sleeve shirts to find my size. "No one really cared about being seen in vulnerable moments since the body is thought of as natural."

"That sounds..." Clare shivered next to me, coming away with a stack of now folded shirts and pants. We both bent over in unison to grab a pair of the thick combat boots available. "Terrible."

"It wasn't all too bad. Granted it wasn't something I'd like to continue experiencing," I felt a pang of guilt and sadness at the loss of that lifestyle but pushed on. "But it's not as terrible as you think, especially when everyone is raised to think that way."

We walk back to our cots, her taking to carefully placing the excess outfits in the trunk, me tossing the clothes in a heap on the mattress.

I grab a long sleeve shirt and a tight pair of black jeans and before I can consider an alternative I begin undressing. I start with my skirt, the fabric having bothered me since I put it on in the morning.

As I'm slipping my leg into the pants I hear wolf whistles over my shoulder and a few shouts of appreciation.

"At least the Amity's good for something!" A person yells.

I pull up my jeans, trying to pay no mind. My cheeks heat slightly, no matter the fact that I'm comfortable in myself it doesn't feel good to be targeted.

"Why don't you fuck off." A male calls from near me and I turn to look at him, appreciative of his support.

He has kind eyes and still has his grey shirt in hand. Makes sense. It'd only be an Abnegation who would step in, even Amity are too scared of confrontation typically to help in a situation like this.

"Thank you," I nod in his direction before hastily removing my shirt and replacing it with a new black one. My arms already warming from the thick fabric.

"No problem, I swear it's like they're animals."

I laugh and can't help but agree.

"Violet," I say, outstretching my hand.

"Owen," he says, shaking it with a tight grip before letting go.  

"Sorry to interrupt," Clare says from over my shoulder, "But I could use some help." She'd taken the sheet off of her bed and holds it in her hands.

Moving into action, both me and Owen grip the sheet to cover her while she changes. When she finishes she makes it a point to remake her bed perfectly before we can leave. When me and Owen both give her a look she just shrugs.

"Bad habit."

"It's okay, Abnegation was like that too." Owen says, a soft smile on his lips.

Clare smiles back and puts a hand on her stomach. "If we don't eat now I think I might die."

We all laugh and, wearing our new faction's colors, make our way to the Pit.

[oddcoupler222]

Do you have any book recs like yours and w. epic love scenes like yours?

I appreciate anything I’ve written being called epic in any way :) 

I don’t really know if I could accurately compare any books I’ve read to my own but I do have some book recs that I adore! I’ll give you my top ten lesfics for some variety

- Behind the Green Curtain by Riley LaShea (my ultimate fave romance)

When Caton’s sleazy boss offers her a position as his wife’s personal assistant, she accepts the job with reservations, certain Jack Halston has ulterior motives. After meeting Jack’s wife Amelia, though, it’s Caton’s motivations that begin to unravel. As vicious as she is beautiful, Amelia threatens Caton’s position and her sense of decorum. As the attraction between the two women spirals into a torrid affair, Caton is drawn deeper into Jack and Amelia’s world of privilege and prestige, where everything is at stake and nothing is what it seems. 

- All That Matters by Susan X  Meagher

Life is going damned well for Blair Spencer. She's a very successful real estate agent, happily married to a man who encourages her to live the independent life she loves; and they're actively working to have a baby. The wrench in the works is that Blair favors adoption, while her husband David desperately wants to have a biological child. The fates are against them, and they finally seek the help of a group of reproductive specialists. One of the doctors, a surgeon named Kylie Mackenzie, eventually becomes a good friend to Blair. And she needs all of the friends she can get when things start to go horribly wrong at home. As her marriage teeters on the brink of collapse, she relies more and more on Kylie's friendship. Kylie's happily gay; Blair's happily straight. But the way they structure their relationship leads friends and family to privately question whether the pair is setting themselves up for heartache. They eventually come to a crossroads, which could either destroy their friendship or turn it into what each of them has been seeking. The question is whether each woman can change her view of herself and her needs. The answer is all that matters.

- Alone by EJ Noyes 

Half a million dollars will be Celeste Thorne’s reward for spending four years of her life in total isolation. No faces. No voices. No way to leave.

Since Celeste has never really worried about being alone, the generous paycheck she’ll receive for her participation in the solitary psychological experiment seems like easy money.

When she finds an injured hiker in the woods bordering her living compound, her strictly governed world is thrown into disarray. But even as she struggles with the morality of breaking the rules of the experiment, Celeste can’t deny her growing attraction to the kind and enigmatic Olivia Soldano. Still, how much can you really trust a stranger? And how much can you trust yourself when you know all the faces you’ve seen and voices you’ve heard for the past three years have only been your imagination?

But what’s real? Celeste’s reality may lie somewhere between the absolute truth and a carefully constructed deception. (the concept of this is just INcredible. and the execution as well - perfect)

- The Goodmans by Clare Ashton

The lovely doctor Abby Hart lives in her dream cottage in the quintessential English border town of Ludbury, home to the Goodmans. Maggie Goodman, all fire and passion, is like another mother to her, amiable Richard a rock and 60s-child Celia is the grandmother she never had. But Abby has a secret. Best friend Jude Goodman is the love of her life, and very, very straight. Even if Jude had ever given a woman a second glance, there’d also be the small problem of Maggie – she would definitely not approve. But secrets have a habit of sneaking out, and Abby’s not the only one with something to hide. Life is just about to get very interesting for the Goodmans. Things are not what they used to be, but could they be even better? (there are not one but TWO perfectly written romances intertwined in this *chef kiss*)

- Pretending in Paradise by M Ullrich

When travelwisdom.com assigns PR specialist Caroline Beckett and travel blogger Emma Morgan to cover a hot new couples retreat, they're forced to fake a relationship to secure a reservation. Ten days in paradise would be a dream assignment, if only they'd stop arguing long enough to enjoy it. Reputations are Caroline's business. Too bad she was forced out of her previous job when an ex smeared hers all over the office grapevine. She's never getting involved with a coworker again, especially not one as careless and unprofessional as Emma. Emma knows that life is too short to play by the rules. But when she goes too far and a defamation lawsuit puts her job in jeopardy, she has to make nice with Caroline, the image police, and deliver the best story of her career.

Only pretending to be in love sure feels a whole lot like falling in love. When their story goes public, ambition and privacy collide, and their chance at making a fake relationship real might just be collateral damage. (there’s just SOMETHING about this that is super freaking cute)

- The Brutal Truth by Lee Winter

Australian crime reporter Maddie Grey is out of her depth in New York, miserable, and secretly drawn to her powerful, twice-married, media mogul boss, Elena Bartell, who eats failing newspapers for breakfast. As work takes them to Australia, Maddie is goaded into a brief, seemingly harmless bet with her enigmatic boss—where they have to tell the complete truth to each other. It backfires catastrophically.

A lesbian romance about the lies we tell ourselves.

- The Red Files by Lee Winter (kudos to her for being the only author that makes it to this list with two separate books)

Ambitious Daily Sentinel journalist Lauren King is chafing on LA’s vapid social circuit, reporting on glamorous A-list parties while sparring with her rival—the formidable, icy Catherine Ayers. Ayers is an ex-Washington political correspondent who suffered a humiliating fall from grace, and her acerbic, vicious tongue keeps everyone at bay. Everyone, that is, except knockabout Iowa girl King, who is undaunted, unimpressed and gives as good as she gets. One night a curious story unfolds before their eyes: One business launch, 34 prostitutes and a pallet of missing pink champagne. Can the warring pair work together to unravel an incredible story? This is a lesbian fiction with more than a few mysterious twists. (as someone who is usually pretty bored by any plot other than the romance, I actually enjoyed this mystery)

- Tricky Wisdom/Tricky Chances by Camryn Eyde

(for tricky wisdom)  Darcy Wright is a closeted lesbian who has been infatuated with her best friend, Taylor, since junior high. Leaving her small northeast Minnesota town for Harvard in a quest to become a doctor, she moves in with med-student Olivia Boyd, a neurotic, anal, gigantic pain in the backside. The first year of juggling medical school is grueling, but it’s nothing compared to living with Olivia.

Coming out to her friends and family with an anti-climactic flop, Darcy uses her newly publicized sexuality to try and win Taylor’s affections through an ill-hatched scheme that crosses uncomfortable lines. The result is as unexpected to Darcy as Darcy’s affinity for medicine is to Olivia.

The first year of medical school is a nerve-wracking encounter in medicine, learning lessons the hard way, and finding what her heart desires.

Tricky Chances is the sequel to Wisdom, but it’s the only lesfic sequel that i truly felt added to the first one and was just as gripping! Plus, the first book is only 48k words so the followup is perfect to come right after

- Who’d Have Thought by G Benson

Top neurosurgeon Samantha Thomson needs to get married fast and is tightlipped as to why. And with over $200,000 on offer to tie the knot, no questions asked, cash-strapped ER nurse Hayden Pérez isn’t about to demand answers.

The deal is only for a year of marriage, but Hayden’s going into it knowing it will be a nightmare. Sam is complicated, rude, kind of cold, and someone Hayden barely tolerates at work, let alone wants to marry. The hardest part is that Hayden has to convince everyone around them that they’re madly in love and that racing down the aisle together is all they’ve ever wanted. What could possibly go wrong? (this book comes in 9th because i don’t love it QUITE as much as i do all the others, but it was the one that got me into lesfic so! it’s good stuff)

And in a guest pick from the only other voracious lesfic reader i know, @debbie-eagan - 

Beautiful Dreamer by Melissa Brayden - 

Philadelphia real estate broker Devyn Winters is at the peak of her career, closing multimillion-dollar deals and relishing it. She’s pretty much blocked out her formative years in Dreamer’s Bay, where the most exciting thing to happen was the twice a year bake sale. Unfortunately, a distress call hauls her back home and away from the life she’s constructed. Now the question is just how long until she can leave again? And when did boring Elizabeth Draper get so beautiful?

Elizabeth Draper loves people, free time, and a good cup of coffee in the warm sunlight. In the quaint town of Dreamer’s Bay, she’s the only employee of On the Spot, an odd jobs company. She remembers Devyn Winters as shallow in high school, but now everything about Devyn makes her lose focus. Though her brain knows Devyn is only home temporarily, her heart didn’t seem to get the memo (I’m personally not a huge Brayden fan but a lot of other lesfic readers are so I reached out for a second opinion on this matter)

I hope you enjoy!

[nestasgalpal]

Folklore (Nesta Archeron Fanfiction)

The lakes

This fanfic is pure Nesta angst. Each chapter is inspired by a song from Folklore, as if Nesta was composing/playing/singing the song while having the moment I narrate in mind. This first chapter was inspired by The Lakes, which reminded me to what Nesta might sing to her friend Claire.

“Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die/ I don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you” meaning the true form of their relationship, and “A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground/ With no one around to tweet it/ While I bathe in cliffside pools with my calamitous love/ And insurmountable grief” being about how she misses not only her but how she made her feel.

I would like you to listen to the son after you read the chapter and check for yourself if it makes sense. The piece she sings in the begining of the chapter was also inspired by this cover of Sodier, Poet King.

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There will come a soldier Who carries a mighty sword He will tear your city down, oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord He will tear your city down, oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord

Nesta’s voice was like silk as she sang to them. Elain and Claire were dancing together with their feet on the edge of the pond to the rythm of the song, and Nesta was reclining against a tree close enough for them to use her music as their own personal orchestra. The summer afternoon breeze stirred their dresses, and the sun made Nesta’s blond hair shine like gold.

There will come a poet Whose weapon is His word He will slay you with His tongue, oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord He will slay you with His tongue, oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord

Her sister and her friend started singing the last verse with her. It was a well known poem, an all time favourite for the Archeron sisters and now also one of Clare’s even if it was only because of the memory she would keep of their summer afternoons, the three of them together.

There will come a ruler Whose brow is laid in thorn Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei-oh lai-oh Lord Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord He will tear your city down, oh lei-oh lai... oh

Their village was too cold and too close to the Wall for troups to come in the winter or even in autumn, but at least one made an apparence during the summer, and the three girls went to see their spactacles in the plaza. Nesta and Clare were 16, Elain a year younger, and boys were starting to look at them with a special shine in their eyes. A young musician had fallen in love with Clare this year, and the girl, who wasn’t very fond of the boys she had at her disposal in the village, had enjoyed the way the rad-haired musician followed her around. He wrote a poem for her, admiring her short brown hair and olive skin, and ultimetly had asked her for a kiss, which Nesta’s friend had been delighted to give.

Her first kiss.

Nesta had never had one.

That was the topic of the day. How did it taste? And what was one supposed to do, anyway? Were you supposed to stand there and be kissed or was it perhaps more difficult than that?

“I’ll show you” Clare had offered, tired of Nesta’s questions.

With a chucke, Clare cuped her friend’s face and pressed her lips softly against Nesta’s. She was delicate, careful and sweet, and Nesta knew right in that moment that no other kiss she receibed in her lifetime would compare to that one. When they separated, Claire’s eyes were dreamy, while Nesta’s were muzzy. Both of them laughed nervously, their faces still close and Clare’s hands still caressing Nesta’s cheeks.

They broke apart when Elain cleared her throat, mad she had been forgothen in the pond. Claire laughed and let Nesta’s face go to stand up and run towards the other one. She extended her arms and Elain took her hands to run back to Nesta together.

The three of them sitted in the green grass, trying to cover their heads with the shadows the trees projected. The meadow was full of daisies and dandelions, an the pond’s water was clear. That’s why Nesta’s favorite season was summer. It rarely rained, so the dirt in the pond’s bottom wasn���t shaken by it and the surface didn’t become muddy.

“So... Elain” Clare’s smile was hussy and big, like she knew she was about to get some good gossip “Soldier, poet or king... which one would you pick?”

Usually Nesta didn’t feel comfortable talking about boys. Not yet. She kept it to herself so she didn’t look childish, but she still dreamed one day their father would gain back their fortune and she would be able to find a better man than the ones she could find in the village. But this time it was different, since it was just the three of them picking a character from a song. It was just an inocent pick. There were not soldiers, no poets and no kings there, so it meant nothing.

“Easy” said Elain “The poet is for me, the soldier for Nesta, and-”

“And the ruler for me?” Clare compleated, excited and already laughing at the idea. “I don’t know about that...”

Elain, who enjoyed this kind of games a little more than Nesta did, noded, also smiling, but with a glimpse of superiority in her gesture. “The ruler is for Feyre, dear” Her words came out sweet, but with a clear intention: to put Clare in her place. Her sister loved their friend as much as Nesta did, but sometimes she could get a little jelous if the two of them came too close and left her behind. Nesta coud understand that, it was only fair, so she allowed her to say this kind of things from time to time just to make her happy.

This time Elain was speaking the truth, though. Since they first heard the poem, the soldier had been for Nesta, a knight to protect her in her adventures. She used to play with the idea of the ruler as her pick, but she would never be satisfied with a throne that was given to her, she would rather take it herself. That’s why she needed a knight and his armies: to help her.

Then Feyre, who was the youngest and hadn’t got mutch of a personality when Elain and her became obsesed with the song, would marry the ruler and be queen. Easy.

“Finally, I would marry the poet, who, just like your musician wooer, would write a thousand poems and songs about my beauty and kindness” Elain explained to their mutual friend the story they had made up a long tme ago, when their mother was still alive and they enjoyed singing.

Now Nesta hardly ever did it, only when she felt comfortable enough to do so. With her sister and her best friend, she did, she felt safe.

“Nah, that would never work” Clare complained, taking Nesta out of her daydreaming.

“What part?” she asked.

“You and the soldier, silly!” she thought it was funny, but Nesta didn’t. The oldest of the Archeron frowned. “You could never be happy with a soldier, Nes. They work for kings, so his loyalty would be to someone else, not to you. Never to you.” Clare, who was sitted in the grass and leanin in one hand, lay down on the soil and rested her head on Nesta’s lap. “I know you, Nes, and you need someone you can always rely on, otherwise you won’t be satisfied. You don’t need the kind of safety a sword provides, you need reliability, and you would never find it in the soldier”.

Nesta’s brow was still frowned. She really didn’t like talking about boys.

“What do I need, then?”

“A poet, Nes” Clare’s voice was so  blissful she couldn’t help but relax her face. She ment no harm, she was not trying to ridiculize her by bringing up the subject. Clare didn’t even know she was so insecure about it. “You need a sensible soul to feel your pain and help you carry it. You have a wonderer soul yourself, so it would be a perfect match.”

“Is Tomas your poet, Nesta?” Elain asked, bringing herself back to the conversation. This hurt Nesta a little more, since Elain did know about it, but she let it go. It was just one of those moments of jelousy she felt sometimes.

“No” she replied. Tomas was none of the three. Not even close.

“Promise me, Nesta” Clare asked. She had her eyes closed and the breeze fluttered her short hair in Nesta’s lap. Years later, The oldest Archeron sister would go back to that exact moment and wonder if she had actually been that beautiful or it was just her brain tring to keep a good memory of her dead friend. But in that moment, she actualy saw her as a sleepy angel, gifting Nesta her heart. A blessing. “Promise me you won’t settle with the soldier and you will find a poet who makes you trully happy and is devoted to you”.

In that moment she thought her friend had Tomas in mind as “the soldier”, but now Nesta fantasized with the posibility of Clare talking about Cassian. Had she known something? Like a vision sent by a forgoten god from the mortal realm? What would her friend think if she saw her now, alone in a tent, cold, curled up in a tiny matress in the Illyrian Mountains, lost in her own pain because she had wanted to trust in the soldier’s word and he had failed her? He told Nesta they would have time and he would always find her, but Claire was right and his loyalty had never been hers. What had she done? What would she do from now on?

“I promise” a youg version of herself answered.

Clare smiled and pulled Nesta’s face close to her to kiss her again.