#also i just wanted to say THANK YOU ANON for this essay like. this guy literally had the worst life ever and it would be one thing if they

[thepencilnerd]

Hello! So I'm the same anon asking about delving more into the Robby/reader/Abbot dynamic and protective behavior. Firstly, I'd like to say thank you for giving us more details and doing such a beautiful job at it! I loved reading about how Robby and Abbot are both protective in their own ways, and how that sort of caretaking loops around to taking care of Robby in his down moments... it's just a really beautiful cycle <3. I've also re-read both that response and "seeing double" about a hundred times in the past few days, and I have some further questions from "seeing double" I'd like to ask if that's alright? If not, feel free to skip and I'll try to make the rest of this short so you're not reading an entire essay lol. 1) with the locker convo between Robby and Abbot, in your mind was that solely just them figuring out how to woo reader, or them coming to the conclusion that they'd like to try and both be in a poly relationship with reader? I feel like there's probably an obvious answer there that you spelled out perfectly, and I'm just too dumb to realize it lol. 2) with the flashback conversation with Samira and the IUD, were the guys upset about reader possibly taking out her IUD because it meant her giving up on romance? And therefore letting go of any chance of her being in a relationship with them? Yet again, probably another really obvious answer and I'm just dumb lol. 3) not a question really, but my headcanon/theory of the guys making breakfast at the end is that they would've tried to surprise reader with breakfast in bed b/c I'm a projecting romantic sap and think both of those simps would do something like that lol. 4) if I ever had a random thought of like "how would Robby and Abbot reacting to reader getting sick/passing out/having a panic attack?" or something similar can I send it in because I'm so infatuated with how you've written the triad dynamic and would love to see more, but I also don't want to be pushy and blow up your inbox lol.

babe you have no idea how much i appreciate you taking the time to reread my blurbs and send these questions, i send you all my love <333

Not dumb at all! I love that you asked this, because to me, that locker conversation wasn’t solely about strategy or timing. It was the culmination of weeks of tension, misfires, and quiet realizations on both their ends. In my mind, it was that explosion moment—where everything they’d been circling around finally cracked open. They’d both come to the same conclusion: they want you, but more than that, they care enough about you (and each other) not to let this turn into something that could hurt you. So yeah, it wasn’t just about figuring out how to woo you—it was the moment they both silently agreed to try together. To make it work as three, not two competing sides.

Yes, exactly that! The IUD thing isn’t just about sex; it’s a symbol. To them, it’s you quietly closing a door to any form of intimacy, both physical and emotional. It’s you saying, “I’m done hoping. I’m done expecting anything real.” And that hurts. Because Jack and Robby don’t just want you, they want to be that real thing for you. The safe thing. The steady thing. The one that doesn’t disappoint you like everyone else has. So when they overhear you telling Samira you’re thinking of getting it removed, it’s not the medical detail that hits them—it’s the implication. What they hear underneath all that casual, sleep-deprived banter is that you’re giving up. On romance. On the idea that someone could actually love you the way you deserve. On them before they’ve even had a chance to show you they could. And being the pro-choice kings that they are, they would never be upset about your choice to take it out. They'd support you, no matter what you decide, and would never presume to have a say in your body. That’s not who he is. But this? It's about watching someone they care about so deeply resign themself to loneliness. Robby and Jack aren't angry at you. They're just scared they're already too late.

I'm a sucker for partner waking up morning after to full breakfast cooked and prepped so absolutely

feel free to send in and i can add it to my wip!

[shmisky]

do you think ford could get abusive if he was just a little bit more morally unhinged? he seems to teeter that line in a lot of stancest content (not judging!) i know you've talked about truly canon stans vs the stans in fics, hcs etc. how close do you think canon ford is to being thay way? (if you're not actually into this, feel free to delete this ask, and i hope i haven't made you uncomfortable.) if not abusive he at least displays a lot of controlling tendencies in a lot of fancontent. how 'canon' would you say this is? thank you for answering in the event that you do, your blog is a gift

Thank you!! 🩷🩷🩷

That doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all! In fact, I find this a deeply interesting subject! Anon, you’re about to get a big answer... a full essay, more like 😭

How should we perceive this guy, morally speaking? How close is he of the darker guy fandom makes him be?

I think it depends on a lot of factors.

Is canon Ford abusive? No. Was he ever intended to be? Also no. Could he be, if he was “a little bit” worse? That depends, I think, of 1) how harsh or how lenient you are on Ford’s questionable canon choices in general, and 2) who do you personally want Ford to be. The second thing does matter, anon, because we often tend to shape our canon evidence to our perception of characters, not the contrary! Human beings are, I fear, extremely biased. No exceptions.

First I’ll analyze fandom culture, then I’ll analyze Ford’s canon morality or lack thereof, then I’ll analyze Ford’s relationship with Stan. I WILL answer your question, I promise. I will get there. I’ll just yap a lot first!

There are many flavors of darker!Ford: from possessive and/or overprotective (when the overprotectiveness becomes condescending or controlling) to physically/emotionally/psychologically abusive. We see hints of behaviors in canon that, if exacerbated, and only if exacerbated, could make canon Ford that person in darker fics—but would that be fair to Ford? After all, what kind of person would you become if I took all your worse traits and exacerbated them? I personally don’t think I would become a very good one.

That said, Ford is a morally gray character. That is pretty much a fact! 😭 But... Stan also is! Minor criminal activities (such as petty theft, scams, tax evading, etc) aside, he canonically drugged and kidnapped a person in Little Gift Shop of Horrors! These two are truly the perfect match, hahah! You’d be right to point out we see considerably more dark!Ford content than dark!Stan content, though. So... is Ford just worse? Do people just hate him?

I think there are many factors that could explain that preference.

One, the dynamics between Ford and Stan in canon. Their relationship is unequal for the great majority of their shared history. Ford holds power over Stan, both in subtler ways (emotionally) and more obvious ways (physically). More on that here. For an abuser to be able to abuse someone, they obviously need some sort of leverage or power over the other person. (See: Bill with Ford.)

Two, the personal preference for bottom!Stan (if you’re a stancester) and/or personally identifying with/relating to Stan more than to Ford. Bottom!Stan is the most popular option in this corner of the fandom; I’ve seen three polls so far, one here on Tumblr and two on Twitter, and in all three of them bottom!Stan or omega!Stan (one of the polls was an omegaverse one, and if you’re familiar with omegaverse rules I don’t think I need to explain how the two things are related) won. I think that, among the many other different reasons for people preferring bottom Stan, is the fact that they want Stan to be taken care of. I think a similar desire could be relevant here, with abused!Stan: the desire to see Stan victimized due to stangst/whump/horny reasons, hahah. Especially if people happen to personally relate to Stan. There was a poll on the gen side of the fandom recently asking which character was better, Stan or Ford, and Stan won. So we can assume Stan is more popular than Ford. The more popular and beloved a character is, the more likely they are to suffer in the fandom’s hands, ironically 😭 When it’s about Ford being obsessive and/or possessive and/or overprotective (even if in a controlling, condescending way) it might be related to wanting Stan to be the focus of Ford’s attention; wanting Stan to be desperately desired. (I dislike misleading generalization, so please understand I’m saying this might be the case with some people, not all.)

Stan is more tethered to societal conventions than he is, I feel. I’m not even talking about incest! But, for example, the fact Stan absolutely refuses to cry in front of anyone without making up an excuse to cover up the fact he’s crying. When Ford cries (more rarely than Stan), Ford... simply cries. He even mentions it in his journal. When everyone is bothered by Ford’s terrible smell at the library, Ford tells himself they’re actually smelling science; when everyone stares at him for wearing a tinfoil hat on his head (blacklight version of Journal 3), Ford tells himself they’re just jealous. I don’t think Stan has achieved that level of “idgaf” yet 😭 And, if you’re talking about post-portal Ford who went through hundreds of dimensions during thirty years, there’s even more reason for social indifference. After years of being bullied for his lack of social skills and his extra fingers, Ford was apparently forced to learn how to shield himself emotionally and relish in the fact he’s weird, different, special.

Third, Ford’s specific brand of darkness vs Stan’s specific brand of darkness. That’s a pretty interesting one! When people think of dark!Stan, they usually think of a more pragmatic sort of villain, or a cunning, Bill-core conman; this guy has potential to be a mob boss or something similar. Meanwhile, with Ford, you have the potential to make him a questionable “mad scientist” of sorts; he’s fascinated with weirdness, anomalies; he scoffs at society rules; he is the Author of the Journals, he knows a lot about magic; he can actually invent things such as mind control ties if he so wishes; he has more potential to be turned into a creepy weirdo.

I mean, Stan says Dipper got his creepiness from Ford in his commentary of Land Before Swine:

So here’s the deal; apparently my sweaty grandnephew, Dipdop, was recording the entire summer with Soos’ video camera, like a little weirdo? Like every single thing we did, the entire summer he was recording. That’s��that’s what we’re watching right now. It’s kinda creepy that he did that. He gets that from Ford, I think. That and his inability to make eye contact with women.

Now, to dive in the darkness/abuser potential of Ford, I believe there’s a very, very important thing we should consider first. And that’s the genre of the media! The fact that Ford is a cartoon character. If GF was a live-action TV series, for example, my analysis would be very different. But as a character from a cartoon for children with a heavy humoristic tone, Ford is meant to be exaggerated. A lot of things in cartoons are meant to be comic relief, classic slapstick humor, etc, and shouldn’t be taken seriously. They’re just that: funny. I can think of many cartoon characters that would be cancelled, so to speak, if people stopped to think about the implications of the things they do. When I watched GF as a kid, a lot of the darker things went straight over my head, and honestly I think that’s the way we’re “meant” to consume most cartoons.

Now, we’re watching it as adults, and so we want to make it deeper! Darker! More interesting and complex! And that’s a very understandable urge, of course. GF has a lot of potential to be made darker, because it often covers how fucked up or angsty something truly is with humor. For example, young Stan ending his rant about how he was a homeless criminal and went to prison in three different countries and had to chew his way out of the trunk of a car with a comment about the fact he’s got... a mullet! Oh no! The horror! Or Ford having a nightmare about a six-fingered hand squeezing his brother to death and then being like, “ugh, puns! I hate puns!” And above all... Bill. Oh, man, how much Bill is made softer/more relatable through humor! Just remove all of Bill’s jokes and sarcastic quips and charisma from TBoB and what you get is an utterly terrifying villain and abuser who ruined Ford’s life. More than Bill in general, the things that Bill does—Bill messing with Ford’s brain so that every time Ford attempts to say “burden” he says “sea otter” instead (blacklight edition of Journal 3) is very funny, but when you stop and remove the humoristic layer and realize the implications of this... the extent of Bill’s control over Ford’s mind...

Ok, so now that we have cleared that up, we can focus on a second thing: how is Ford meant to be perceived? What were Alex’s intentions when writing him? We have the behind-the-scenes commentary on The Last Mabelcorn:

“[...] Dipper briefly believes that Ford is evil. And there was a lot of fan speculation when we first meet Ford. Generally, when television shows introduce a new, mysterious character late in the game, they turn out to be a villain. [...] We could have made Ford evil, but I always felt this would be less interesting [...] I thought that if I’m Stan, I’d be more frustrated if Ford is actually a good guy.”

There you have it! Alex thinks he’s a good guy! The flaw that Alex loves to attribute to Ford is pride/arrogance, that is, the fact Ford is full of himself and believes he’s a special snowflake. Outside of that Achilles’ heel, though, Ford is clearly meant to be a likeable member of the Pines family.

The character of Shermie was also specifically created so that Ford wouldn’t be made hateable or irredeemable by abandoning his own kid(s), according to a somewhat recent interview:

Um, and so, I look at this always through the lens of character and I asked myself, “what would it mean if Ford was their grandfather?” and I thought, “well it would mean that Ford, you know, had children,” and if Ford had children and abandoned them, then he’s a much harder to redeem character.

And he probably wanted to make Ford at least likeable enough or sympathetic to the audience for them to root for the Stans happy ending together, hahah. In the same interview:

I’m like, I’m in the story mines, like I’m in a boiler room with the pipes, where I’m like, “Oh no! Ford’s not likable, okay we need to add this. Oh shit, Dipper’s making a choice that’s out of character!” and then someone is telling me there’s a timeline that needs to be fixed!

That doesn’t mean you have to agree with him! Sometimes, the creator/director/author of a piece of media fails to portray the dynamic/vibe/context they envisioned and/or to convey their true intentions through canon. As a Word of God girlie who always read lots of interviews from creators, I’ve lost count of how many times I was really surprised by the gap between what a scene was meant to express versus what the majority of the fandom interpreted the scene to express.

“Bunny, I don’t care about it being a cartoon nor about Alex’s wishes! Is there canon evidence for Ford being craycray?”

Oh, plenty. Actually so much that I don’t even know where to begin 😭 I even commented with my friends how easy it would be to answer this ask just listing everything Ford did that was ever questionable, which wouldn’t be fair to Ford due to many reasons (the fact that Stan is also morally questionable, that Ford is a cartoon character, etc), and how similarly easy it would be to defend Ford by using Word of God or shifting the focus to Stan’s or Fiddleford’s actions.

Remember how I said that Ford’s morality depended on who you personally want Ford to be and that human beings are naturally biased? I once read a fascinating article about why very intelligent, reasonable people ended up believing crazy things. It argued that them believing crazy things didn’t indicate a lack of intelligence at all, because their intelligence was being employed in justifying what they already wanted to believe to themselves! So, basically, they often choose to believe in something based off their emotions, desires, etc, and once they settled on a conclusion they very much wanted to believe, their intelligence became a tool to justify that/find further evidence for that. It mentioned a study by a social psychologist saying that when humans want to believe something deep down, they ask themselves, “Can I believe it?” while when they don’t want to believe something deep down, they ask themselves, “Must I believe it?”

So if I want Ford to be a darker character, for example, I can ask myself, “Can I believe that Ford could be that dark? Can I find evidence for that?” And of course I can! I can twist a lot of canon moments into evidence against Ford, in the same way I can use canon moments to (at least try to) defend Ford. So if I go on a quest with the specific goal of finding proof for the interpretation of Ford’s character I personally want to believe, I will. It’s very similar to the phenomenon of looking at canon with shipping goggles, hahah. I already have a conclusion in my mind and I’m just trying to find something to support that.

And what would I point out if I wanted to accuse Ford?

First, that according to Alex (still in the same interview I mentioned earlier), Ford can justify pretty much anything:

Here’s the thing. When I think about what you just said about me and Rob [Renzetti, coauthor of Journal 3], it’s so funny because what to you comes across as “Oh, Rob understands Ford’s ridiculous recklessness,” to me comes across as “Rob IS Ford and Ford does rationalize.” That’s what he does. One of Ford’s greatest powers is rationalizing. So you’re seeing Rob as Ford rationalizing Ford’s bad decisions.

In that moment, I think what’s being revealed is less Ford’s recklessness, and more Ford’s ability to justify anything.

Interestingly enough, what I just explained about humans using their intelligence to justify their beliefs could easily be applied to Ford!

We see proof of this behavior in canon. One of Ford’s favorite excuses is science and/or logic.

“Logical. That’s logical.” (Notice how Stan is also there with him! He’s the one who has the idea in the first place! The morally questionable twins...)

“I’m doing a public service by removing them.”

“But my crimes had a noble purpose [...]”

“[...] but it was all in the name of science!”

Sure, Ford. Whatever helps you sleep at night, hahah.

“Science” is, amusingly to me, Ford’s knee-jerk favorite/default excuse to the point he uses it even when it’s about him reeking:

Perhaps you might be thinking, “but the only crime Ford seems capable of committing is thievery!” Stealing radioactive waste, stealing the parts to build his quantum destabilizer, etc.

Except Ford is described in his multidimensional bounty poster as “armed and dangerous,” something that Stan, as a fellow thief and criminal, was never described as (in his own bounty posters).

And he has straight up lied to his journal before! A good example:

“I have not sampled human blood.”

I have seen a lot of people finding this amusing because hahah, every person has sampled human blood, like when your baby teeth fall! But that’s not the point. The point is that Ford was in the middle of writing something, stopped, realized it didn’t sound very socially acceptable (probably because the means he had used to taste said blood had not been very socially acceptable; notice that he compares it to animal blood, which means he had tasted it as well) then rectified it by crossing it out and directly lying to the reader.

That established, I very much doubt stealing parts for his quantum destabilizer was the only crime he committed to become an outlaw in entire dimensions 😅

And other people have pointed it out before, but Bill’s offer to Ford in Weirdmaggedon is telling. “No more restrictions! No more laws! You’d be one of us. All-powerful. Greater than anything you’ve imagined!” As someone who knew Ford pretty well and had been literally inside Ford’s mind, he thought that was something that could possibly tempt Ford.

Can you blame him? After all, this is the kind of thing Ford says in TBoB:

Now, all that is just about Ford as a morally gray character, in a very general way. When you’re talking about Ford being abusive to Stan, specifically, things are different. Why? Ford loves him deeply. I wrote an entire meta on the little details people miss that are proof of Ford’s love.

We see Ford (and Stan, again, as his partner in crime) doing questionable choices for their family. Such as threatening the bus driver with an actual gun and brass knuckles so that their niece’s pig would be allowed to enter the vehicle. (See how much darker things can get if you remove the comical layer of the cartoon genre?)

Earlier on, Ford was fully willing to doom the entire universe to save three people, including Stan (again, his family):

But Ford using such morally grayness against his family? That’s a different thing. So here I start the third and final part of this analysis, Ford’s (possible mis)treatment of Stan, whom he loves.

Remember how I said in the beginning that Ford’s worst traits could become abusive only if exacerbated, which wouldn’t be fair to him?

We know that Ford can be jealous towards a loved one of sorts (if you consider Bill to have been a loved one back then), canonically:

(Bunny Opinion Time: I can easily see Ford getting possessive, because to me possessiveness entails at least some measure of entitlement. Ford does feel entitled to Stan’s help, at least—“I’m giving you a chance to do the first worthwhile thing in your life, and you won’t even listen!”—so considering the very codependent nature of their relationship as boys and the fact Stan has always treated Ford like the center of his life, it’s not a stretch to imagine Ford growing to feel entitled to Stan’s love or Stan himself, period. They’re twins -> Stan is his other half -> Stan belongs to him subconscious pipeline.)

That he can be condescendingly protective (not just simply protective) towards his loved ones, canonically:

Remember when I said it depended on how charitably you want to view Ford? You could look at this and think, “how cute! he cares so much!” 🥺💕 or you could focus on the condescending/patronizing vibes (Ford thinking Stan was an overgrown child unable to handle Bill; Ford wanting his grown friend to lose even though it was a choice Fiddleford made because he would be supposedly unable to handle it) and think, “ugh, Ford being Ford” 🙄😤 or “hahah, Ford being Ford” 😂 even, “ooh, juicy, Ford being Ford” 😏🔥 This could be either canon evidence of his caring personality or canon evidence of his controlling personality, depending on what I would be trying to convince you of.

Anyway. We also know Ford can be physically aggressive towards Stan even when completely unprovoked:

To make things worse, he was initially supposed to make Stan bleed with the force of his punch:

However, we have to keep in mind that the original scene was modified for a reason! Very probably because Alex was actively trying to make Ford somewhat likeable and/or redeemable. He must have (correctly) assumed making Stan bleed would be Too Much for the audience. We don’t have to consider this as extra official material or anything—it would actually be unfair to the Ford we did get.

Our Ford actually felt bad about it later, as he writes in Journal 3:

(Bunny Opinion Time: I personally don’t think our Ford has much potential as a physical abuser—compared to all other kinds of abuse—even if that tendency of his was indeed exacerbated, despite how aggressive and violent he can be towards actual threats in general. As we’ve already established, canon Ford is good at rationalizing his bad actions, and doing physical harm to Stan wouldn’t be something easy to justify to himself because the damage would be quite visible. Physical harm, out of all kinds of abuse, is the one taken the most seriously by people in general. He loves Stan, and there are probably limits he wouldn’t cross even if very angry, especially because—when it comes to a Ford who is stronger than Stan—he knows he’s physically stronger than Stan. Only more reason to hold back.)

Back to the matter at hand.

We also know Ford can verbally humiliate Stan:

I think it’s fair to say that this is the worst thing he ever said directly to Stan in canon!

But as I’ve mentioned in a previous meta (yes, I’m straight up copying and pasting my own words):

Don’t get me wrong, I do think Ford looked down on Stan—on people in general. There’s plenty of evidence for that in both Journal 3 and Word of God, if you count Word of God as evidence. Ford himself admits to that after Weirdmaggedon. But the thing about Stan proving his worth specifically—that’s probably also related to Ford’s need to be in control at all times. If Ford admits to himself he is not in control, that he needs help from other people, that he is really that desperate... Well. He can’t admit that! So he rationalizes his way out of that conclusion by convincing himself he would be the one doing Stan a favor (offering him the chance to prove himself to Ford), and not the other way around. He doesn’t need Stan, he doesn’t need anyone. Stan is the one who needs him and his forgiveness! Phew 😮‍💨

The other times he roasts Stan are not said directly to Stan’s face, so I think it wouldn’t be fair to count them.

Still, Ford’s most questionable/morally gray moment when it comes to Stan might be the possession tie incident.

STANFORD!

And in this case, the comic relief/exaggeration typical of a cartoon doesn’t work very well as a shield, because they made 12-year-old Dipper acknowledge out loud how dubious it was:

And Ford not only shrugs it off, but phrases it in a way that leaves no doubt about the true power of his invention:

This moment becomes even more interesting, imo, if you think about the fact Ford knew from experience exactly how terrible it was to lose his own bodily autonomy. After all, that’s what Bill did to him! I’ve once read a very well-written dark!Ford stancest fic that made Ford darker because, and not in spite of, Bill constantly possessing him—as long lasting damage from sharing literal head-space with a demon, Bill messed with his life views and worsened his morals.

Even if Ford were directly controlling Stan like a puppet with this tie, though, it still wouldn’t be a “Bill controlling Ford” situation. Ford isn’t sadistic. I think canon Ford is very, very distant from controlling Stan with the intent to harm him or to make him pay/suffer, especially because, again, Ford does love Stan. He would have to be fully convinced that it was for Stan’s own good, “brother knows best” style, perhaps out of condescending/patronizing protectiveness (a tendency of his we just mentioned). He let Dipper borrow the tie not so Dipper could embarrass or humiliate Stan publicly, but so that Dipper could help Stan get elected, because he thought Stan would ruin his own chances by just being himself.

When Alex was asked, nine years ago, at the New York Comic Con, who was the older twin between the two Stans, he not only said it was Ford, but that Ford felt naturally superior because of it. He has also mentioned in the behind-the-scenes DVD commentary that a thing Ford liked about Dipper is that Dipper easily obeyed him 😭 One thing is for sure: Ford is bossy, and you can’t even blame him for that. He probably grew up having his “knowing better than Stan” status validated again and again by the adults in his life.

In conclusion, anon, I don’t think canon Ford is close to becoming abusive if you make him just “a little bit” more unhinged—as if he’s just barely non-abusive in canon or something; that wouldn’t be fair to him at all—but I do think he has control issues, and that if you 1) remove the typical cartoon humoristic layer, 2) consider his questionable moments in canon as seriously indicative of his character, 3) take his worst traits and run with them... you’d naturally end up with a very controlling, very entitled, possibly possessive kind of guy. Logically, the more you exacerbate such traits, the worse Ford gets. All along, though, you’d have to keep in mind that Ford only gets as far as he can rationalize and/or justify to himself. He cares about being a hero, after all.

I definitely think there are limits to what our Ford could believably rationalize to himself (especially regarding his loved ones, for sure), but like I said before, you don’t necessarily have to obey such limits in fanfiction 😉

[andy-wm]

I don’t think this is what he meant especially because Namjoon said he gets how he feels and shook his hand after. We all know Namjoon is single for a while now after going through a nasty breakup. Jimin and Jungkook’s bond is precious even though it’s now clearly not romantic.

He also said “Although I feel this way it’s not sad…” when speaking about Who. I think Jimin is strongly indicating that he has been single for a while. We should really take his words for what they are rather than trying to twist them into a narrative that makes jikook romantic. In the context of everything he said earlier in the video up until the Who talk it seems that he created Who to have the direct message of searching for his person. He was speaking about the song when he said that he felt this way. Not having those butterflies is what he is referring to when he says he feels flat, not sad but not exciting. Even if currently platonic jikook have a precious bond.

Imo these three sentences sums up MUSE and WHO perfectly instead of those essays wanting to connect it to jikook because we want them to be real :

https://x.com/jkyoongs/status/1814588120291287475

This is exactly what he told, meant and going through when he created this album. It's sad Jikook is not involved romantically but they still have a great bond given their trips and now enlistment but if Jimin is saying he's single without even feeling butterflies to fall in love then we have to accept that guys.

Hey Anon, thanks for this ask. Its so great to interact with someone who disagrees with me but doesn't have a huge chip on their shoulder about my views.

And honestly i can see that there are many ways to look at this situation.

Nobody can without a doubt claim they are romantic partners, just like nobody can without a doubt claim they are not. You and I have differing perspectives based on what we see and how we interpret it. We probably have different ways of seeing the world and different experiences of love.

And if one day we all find out that they were really just friends, I’ll shake your hand and, without screaming or crying, I'll accept that i was wrong. I hope you would do the same.

But right now, I don't think I am wrong on this.

Looking at the whole picture it seems to me that they are very much still romantic partners.

More like an old married couple with complicated and busy lives, but

Clearly still very focused on each other.

Clearly delighted with each other.

Clearly care deeply for each other.

Clearly spend a lot of time together despite being so busy.

Clearly attracted to each other.

Clearly physically comfortable with each other.

That's how i see it.

Am i prepared to die on the hill that their relationship is romantic? No, because I can't possibly know for absolute certain. Same reason i dont believe in god (although i think Jikook is more plausible than an old guy sitting in the clouds watching humanity like he's playing The Sims, just quietly... and yes bring on all the anon haters who are gonna want to thrash me because i'm an atheist).

But on the balance of evidence I'd say ...

they're still together.

Lets talk about MiniMoniMusic.

As for the Minimoni video, Jimin was there to talk about the album. It wasn't a conversation about his personal life.

He talked about not having excitement in his life, about his life being bland, and empty after suspending group activities. They hadn't been active as a team, and he was working really hard. It was a long time since he felt excited about something.

That sense of excitement was compared to having a crush and confessing his feelings. He said he can't remember the last time he felt that way, and the journey of MUSE was to make him feel excited again.

Tracks 1-5 were exploring the exciting emotions, like you would have when you're crushing on someone. That euphoria, the fizz in your belly, the high energy etc. That's what excitement feels like.

The crush conversation... This is the part that's throwing everyone.

He said he couldn't even remember the last time he had a crush, and Joon says I know how you feel and he and Joon laughed about that.

If it was because they've both come out of long term relationships (and we know Joonie's breakup was traumatic) why would they laugh?

They weren't laughing about being single, they were laughing about being OLD.

Remember what came next ... Jimin says the youngest in his band is really young so Jimin asked him about how a crush feels:

"Give me something since you're the youngest"

Because having a crush is something teenagers feel.

Jimin and Joon feel old, like they are a bit past having crushes. I believe that's what they're saying. And honestly, when was the last time you heard 30 year old men talking about their crush?

A crush and a long term romantic partner are two very different things.

At no point did he say he wasn't in a relationship.

+++++++++++++++

Edited to add a better translation of 'crush' , being one sided/unrequited love.

I'm not deleting what i originally posted because the reason jimin asked Evan is based on his youth.

+++++++++++++

One more thing i need to add...

In my experience, it's very difficult to go from being in a long term relationship to being platonic besties with your former romantic partner. It takes a LOT of work, and it requires energy, effort, and very carefully maintained boundaries.

Jimin & JK don't look like they're maintaining boundaries to me.

Based purely on the recent footage - the Are You Sure teaser they released - I see no sign of clear boundaries. Even in the Minimoni conversation Jimin says they drink and talk for 3-4 hours and it gets DEEP. That's a recipe for disaster with a former lover.

It also usually requires substantial time apart - YEARS maybe - to reset the relationship so you can be best friends without falling into old habits. We aren't talking high scool boyfriends who get the odd hour alone together here. We're talking months and months abroad in hotel rooms with nothing to do except listen to Lana Del Rey and... eat bread (apparently) 🤣🤣

Ok look, that last part was a tongue in cheek joke but they have spent YEARS under the same roof with zero reason not to be in each others bed, pants, shower, and anything else that sounds fun.

So honestly I don't buy the 'used to be lovers but now good friends' argument.

Those boys are comfortably intimate to such a level they don't know where one of them ends and the other begins.

[ghostgirl-22]

Could i request a little something with patrick x fem art (or x reader if that makes you more comfortable) who has vaginismus, i have it and have been feeling really down about it recently because i cant have vaginal sex or masterbate without bleeding or wanting to cry.

Like i enjoy anal and can happily substitute but sometimes i wish someone would take their time to work me open and i really get to throw myself into it and be the slut i was born to be lol

Also so many guys treat it like a chore but i feel like patrick would understand and hed see it as a reward to get to fuck the person at the end and make them feel good because all pussy is good pussy and when he wants to make someone cum, hell find a way, hes determined!

Thank you for this anon! You’re so real…Patrick isn’t the type of guy to give up without at least a little bit of a fight <33

CW: 18+ !NSFW!

—-

You’re kinda kicking yourself for falling for it now. Patrick’s easy charm, his sense of humor, his looks. You’ve heard all the rumors. You know everyone says he’s got a big dick, that he’s promiscuous. It was okay before when you didn’t expect it to go anywhere. When you thought it was a little fun and flirting but he didn’t really like you. Not like that anyway.

But now you’re in his bed, his fingers tangled in your hair, you’re licking into his mouth. You can feel him, his cock. You’re wet and you’re horny, but you’re anxious at the same time. God if only it could be that fucking easy. You get wet, he gets hard and he fucks your brains out. But it’s not easy. It takes everything in you to pull away from him but you manage it.

“What?” He asks, eyes hooded, gazing over your face, your body. He looks hungry.

“Nothing, just… a little curious how the movie might end.”

He smiles. “Right. I thought you said you’ve seen Mean Girls like four times or something.”

“Uh well, I have a bad memory.”

He tangles his fingers into your hair. “Uh huh, god you’re so pretty. Are you a virgin?”

You glare at him.

“What? I don’t mean it any way… it just feels like you get nervous whenever we… get close.”

You don’t know why you say it. Maybe because he’s always so blunt with you. “It’s not that… it’s just…it’s difficult for me to have sex.” You blurt.

He chuckles but then settles a bit when he sees your face. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. I thought you meant with me. Is that not what—“

You narrow your eyes and grip the sheets, irritated now. “It’s called vaginismus and it makes vaginal sex painful. Like even with lube it’s… um… hard to open up.”

“Mm,” Patrick says, curiously. Though now he’s blatantly staring at your lap. You’re still in your tennis skirt.

You’re starting to feel a little more embarrassed and uncomfortable. Why did you just tell the guy who’s supposed to be the local sex god that you’re fucking useless at vaginal sex. Why did you say vaginal? Or vag for that matter. Not once but twice. What the fuck were you thinking?

“Look, actually I’m just gonna go. I just remembered I didn’t finish that essay for Ms. Horne.” You say quickly, making excuses as you gather your things. You don’t really let him talk, which he seems to be amused by. You pop the movie out of the dvd player and by the time you’re out of there you’re dying of embarrassment. Certain he’ll tell all his bros about this. You’d been bullied before you started at MRTA, for your hair, for the way you talk, but now that you’re older the idea of being bullied for something sexual that you can’t even control makes you feel sick. You’re dreading what the boys will be saying about your condition.

You hide away in your room for most of the weekend. You only go to the lunch hall to grab things that you can eat in your room, like fruit and yogurt. Your roommate and best friend, the only other person you’ve told about it, feels bad and agrees to split a pizza order with you on Saturday night.

“Maybe he didn’t tell anyone.” Your friend suggests.

“Please it’s Patrick Zweig, he probably told Donaldson the moment he got back to the room.”

“Well they’re best friends— besides it’s a higher likelihood that he just tells everyone he hit it anyway.”

You wouldn’t necessarily want that— but it honestly beats the alternative.

”Honestly I wish we could’ve done it. I mean, his dick really is big like they say it is and I just wish I could… I don’t know… be a little bit slutty for a change. We’re gonna be in college next year.”

Your friend laughs. “You can— I believe in you. You just take a little more work. Which the perfect guy is definitely gonna appreciate.”

You’re starting to feel better towards the end of the weekend. Your friend confirms she hasn’t heard anything about you around school from Art Donaldson or anyone else Patrick is friends with. Sunday evening you're in bed watching Mean Girls again when you hear a knock on your door.

Confused you get up and pull open the door, expecting your floor captain but it’s Patrick standing there with his goofy little smirk and his backpack. “Hey.”

”Hey,” you say feeling your skin heat up with embarrassment remembering the other night. Not to mention your hair is a mess and you're in sweatpants. And not shapely sexy sweats, you’re in massively oversized sweats with old bleach stains.

“I snuck in, so can I…”

“Oh right,” you say, stepping aside to let him in the room.

He drops his book bag and leans in to kiss your cheek. “You look pretty.”

He has to be joking.

“What are you doing here?” You ask as he lifts your sweatshirt.

“I don’t know… finishing what we started.”

“Huh?”

“The other day, when you left. You said it was difficult for you to have sex.”

“Uh well… I mean with the condition.” You stammer awkwardly.

“Yeah I know, I researched it,” Patrick says, smirking.

“You what?”

“I’m very studious,” he says, half smile on his lips.

“Uh,” you stutter as he gets to his knees and tugs at your sweatpants and then your panties. Within seconds he’s kissing your cunt. You’re moaning almost immediately as his tongue flits around your folds, teasing just below your clit. You can’t stop moaning and you hope your roommate plans to get dinner after the mall or she’s gonna come home to an eyeful. Every time you get close he withholds and soon you’re so wet and frustrated that you’re gripping his shoulders and practically riding his face trying to get off. That’s when you feel him teasing you with his fingers and you start to tense.

“Fuck,” he whispers. He doesn’t sound frustrated but you apologize anyway.

“Mm baby, don’t worry. We’ll figure this out.” He breathes.

“R-really?” You stammer, you’re kinda stunned and a bit emotional.

“Yeah really,” he says, his expression almost incredulous, like he’s surprised that you would even ask. Like it’s a given. “Just call me Dr. Zweig. World’s foremost pussy doc.”

Before you can make fun of him for that ridiculous statement hes working on you again, tongue teasing along your clit only this time. You can tell he’s started jerking himself off and that kinda puts you over the edge. You’re shivering, your walls spasming as orgasm rips through you.

He stands up when he’s done and gazes at you, tangling his fingers into your hair. God his skin is flushed and his eyes are sparkling. “You’re so beautiful,” he says and you want to say the same thing back, but your a little tongue tied.

He grabs his backpack and pulls out some lubricant, handing it to you. “Do you ever finger yourself?”

”Uh… sometimes but honestly sometimes it hurts so I get scared to.”

“Ah well try it tonight,” he says. “You can touch yourself and tomorrow I’m gonna come back and help you.”

You swallow, anxious and aroused at the idea of it. “Okay,” you take the lube. “What if um— what if it doesn’t work?”

He shrugs. “It’s gonna work. Even if it’s not tomorrow, we’ll fuck next week, or next month, or in six months. Or whenever. You really think I’m just gonna get this close to pounding your pussy and let vaginis— whatever it’s called beat me? No fucking way.”

You laugh, feeling a bit more relaxed already. “You’re such a pervert. But thanks.”

That night you try fingering yourself in the dark after your roommate falls asleep and it feels a little less painful after your fingers are coated in too much lube but you do bleed a little. You’re anxious and nervous to see him again.

The next night you sneak into his room. He claims his roommate is out with his girlfriend so you’ve got plenty of time. You bring the lubricant and it turns out that when he said he’d help you, he meant he’d meant he’d lie between your thighs and lick at your clit while you finger yourself in front of him. You’re trying to ease your fingers inside and play with yourself and all the while he’s distracting you from the discomfort of it… licking teasing tasting… it doesn’t take long before you’re coming. Your fingers are barely inside but you still feel your pussy quivering as you moan through your orgasm.

Patrick looks up from between your legs, hair messy, jewel colored eyes sparkling. “God you’re so sexy… I’ve been dreaming of this since I first met you,” he hums.

“I wish you could fuck me,” you sigh breathless.

His eyes light up. “How does it feel? Fingering yourself?”

“Tight,” you breathe. “But um… I’m um… I’m really wet so it’s uh… it’s going in.”

“Yeah,” Patrick’s looking down, sees your finger slipping in and slowly disappearing deeper inside your cunt. His dick is aching so much from watching you come that he’s dangerously close to rutting on your mattress. God, you’re gonna be the end of him. He’s never had to work this hard to fuck before. Barely had to work hard for anything in his life. He’s gonna savor this. “Keep doing that,” he says. “Except try two fingers tonight.”

*

He has an away match the next two nights. The boys varsity team made it to the state finals again. He calls you while he’s in his hotel room to ask how it’s going. You decide to do it on the phone with him. It takes you a while but you’re able to handle two fingers as he teases you, “Imagine you’re on my big cock, imagine you’re so full and it just feels good.” His voice is so soft it makes you shiver.

“Yes, yes, fuck me baby. I want your huge dick in me. Wanna be a slut for you,” you groan. You can hear him breathing heavy into the phone. God, he’s fucking touching himself too. You barely feel pain, just pleasure listening to him as he gets off and then you’re coming too… feeling your pussy spasm around your fingers.

When you come to his room the following night, you feel all shy and giggly. He pulls you in and kisses you. He says smoking might help calm you so you’re sitting by the window sharing a joint before he lays you down. He’s giving you head while you finger yourself again but this time he coats his fingers with lube and slowly works his way in alongside yours, he’s gentle, paying attention to your breathing, your expression, your cues. If you hold your breath he’s asking if youre okay? If you moan he’s asking if you like it? If you squeeze he’s gently telling you to relax. It takes time, he’s got it on MTV on and Real World was playing when you started but now Road Rules is on.

“Fuck,” you whisper, staring at the three fingers pressing inside you. Slowly dilating you. You remember feeling pain just with one. And the pain isn’t all gone but it doesn’t make you want to cry.

“Is it okay?” He asks. He can’t help himself. He’s grinding lightly up against the mattress.

“It feels… it kinda feels good.”

“Yeah?” He says excitedly.

“Mmhm,” you breathe. You press your fingers back and forth a little more quickly and he matches your pace. “Fuck I wanna take your cock.” You groan.

“Oh sweetie… I’m a little bigger than this…” he says, his tone light but his breathing heavy.

“I know… oh fuck… need you.”

“Lets try one more finger,” he says, anxious.

“Okay,” you’re at your breaking point, you don’t even realize it when he’s added another finger. You’re more fixated on the way his calloused fingers are bumping up against your clit as they flick back and forth relentlessly, it sounds slipperywet and obscene. And suddenly you’re coming. Hard. Moaning out expletives. Your toes curling tight. He’s aching for you, eases his fingers out, they’re coated with lube and your moisture. He can’t help tasting them.

“Mm I bought you something while we were away,” he says distractedly. You’re fixated on his cock. He’s tenting in his shorts and he’s right. He’s definitely bigger than the fingers you’re now able to take.

“You bought me something?”

He pulls a box out from under his bed. “I made Art go with me to the sex store.”

You laugh, and look at the image of a rainbow dildo on the box. “Oh wow.”

“I just read it helps to try and get used to opening up or whatever,” he says, and it’s almost like he’s nervous now. Actual Patrick Zweig getting nervous.

“Thanks for thinking about me,” you smile and he seems to relax.

“I’m always thinking about you,” he smirks.

“Want me to—“ you gesture at his erection and he licks his lips and nods his head eagerly as you bend over to take him in your mouth.

*

That night you coat the dildo with as much lube as you can and try to ease it in. It’s not crazy big which is good but you’re a little anxious, terrified that if you can’t get this to work you’ll never get to fuck him. You fall asleep feeling a little defeated and overwhelmed. You’re tense the following day but you spend the next evening with friends going to a movie. It helps a little to take your mind of things. As fun and sexy as it is doing this with Patrick every night you realize you’ve been focusing so much on it that you’ve been wound up a little tight.

You pull the dildo out again before bed and surprisingly you’re able to get it in. You let it stay there hoping it will stretch you out and that your insanely tight pelvic floor muscles will get used to the intrusion, even welcome it. After a while you start to slide it back and forth inside yourself. Trying to keep your head in the relaxed state it was in while you were having dinner with your friends. Soon you’re actively fucking yourself with it. Your breath hitching as your roommate snores not too far from you. You’re biting your tongue to keep yourself from moaning out loud. The next morning you text Patrick. Can we try it tonight?

He responds back literally one second later. Yeah come over.

He’s just out of the shower when you get there. You wrap your arms around him and breathe him in, he smells so good.

“How was the dildo?” He asks, smiling.

“Good… but I wanna try you.”

“Yeah I’m sure… no pressure okay?”

“Okay,” you say as he guides you backwards to his bed. He’s desperate to fuck you but he doesn’t want to hurt you so he’s taking his time, condom fitted tight, over doing it with the lubricant. You’re feeling antsy and eager. You had fun last night with the dildo but as you watch him you can tell he’s a little girthier. You swallow as he presses at your entrance. Maybe you can’t do this…

You feel him anchor himself and slowly he’s pressing into you. He’s not even halfway in when you’re achy and overwhelmed. “I— um— I don’t—“

“You need me to pull out?” He asks, quickly and you feel him slowly pulling back.

“No,” you say quickly, “can you just… can we stay here?” You ask.

“Uh,” he takes a breath.

”Just for a bit.”

“Uh yeah,” he’s breathless. “How about— how bout you lead?” He whispers. “Take as much as you need.” And before you both know what you’re doing you’re moving, pushing your hips up and down barely if ever proceeding beyond that point where you asked him to stop. You’re fucking yourself, practically using only half of his cock and yet it feels like so much more than the dildo. And after a minute it starts to feel good. His dick teasing along your clit, pressing heavy… back and forth inside your cunt.

”Is this okay, baby?” He whispers.

“Yes, so good,” you groan.

“Fuck,” he hisses. “You’re so fucking tight baby. So fucking nngh— you’re squeezing me so tight. Feels so fucking good.” Patrick gasps. And then he’s jerking himself, while you’re basically fucking yourself onto him. Sometimes testing yourself to push your hips higher and get more of him inside. It doesn’t take long before you two are falling on each other, breathless in orgasm.

“Shit,” he sighs, falling onto his back.

You smile looking up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe I just did that.”

“Did it feel okay?” He asks.

“So good,” you sigh and rest your head on his chest. He leans down to kiss your head and then tangles his fingers into your hair.

“Thanks for opening me up,” you whisper, breathless. “I know there’s probably a million other girls who woulda been ready to jump on it right away.”

“Mm I like the challenge,” he says, softly. “Speaking of… I think we got a lot more work to do.”

“We do?”

”Oh yeah, probably shouldn’t stop this any time soon. I’m really committed to a cure. The cure being turning you into a slut for my cock.” He teases.

You laugh. “Okay then pussy doc, what’s my next assignment?”

[runningfrom2am]

cold nights // part twenty-seven

summary: you were back in the capitol, and you would be damned if you didn't try your hardest to make it worthwhile.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 3.4k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, depictions of mental illness, also she's is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.

a/n: omg we're coming up on the end i could cry :') i finished writing everything and i feel like a shell of a person rn without this fic to plan and write, but i hope you guys are excited! there will be five more parts after this and then the epilogue, which brings me to some really exciting news!!

big news #1: i'm opening oneshot requests for this series!! my normal requests will remain closed but i'd love to see what you guys want for the more of this series! (link is here!)

big news #2: the end of this story is opening the doors to my third coryo series which I've been working on for a hot minute, and it'll be called requiem! (see the original request for it here to get the vibes before i post anything!)

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // playlist

The protests caught you off guard, more than anything.

It had only been two weeks since you started your classes and you were loving them, but you hated getting dropped off in the morning and picked up in the afternoon. You and Coryo could no longer eat lunch outside, and the previously full lecture halls you had occupied saw more and more students dropping out as people stood outside just to shout at you as you came and went from the school four days a week. To call you an animal, that you don't belong there, that you should be "put down" for crimes against the Capitol. What they were? You had no idea.

Suffice to say, parents were not happy that you were there.

Generally, Coryo said that people had loved you in the games. You were "harmless", and "sweet", you gave them someone to root for- but now that you were walking freely among them instead of being kept behind the bars at the zoo or trapped inside the arena awaiting your death, you were suddenly a threat.

"They... they think I'll hurt someone?" You sniff, watery eyes overflowing as you look at Coryo lying beside you in his bed.

He bites his tongue, nodding as he wipes away your tears with the hand he has resting just under your cheek on top of his pillow. "They're afraid. That's all, it's not because of anything you did."

"I won't." You cry. "I would never, you know that, right?"

"I know, love. I know that." He promises you quietly.

"I don't want people to be afraid of me. It's not fair to them... If they feel unsafe I should just drop out."

"You're not doing that." He insists with a slight shake of his head. "We'll figure it out. Okay? Don't worry about them."

You just nod softly, wiping your eyes as he pushes his arm under your neck. "C'mere." He mumbles rolling onto his back and you move closer, laying your head on his chest as he pulls you closer to his side.

Coryo did figure it out, for the most part, which is how you ended up standing in Capitol TV's studios, awaiting an interview with Lucky Flickerman, someone you definitely thought you would never see again after the games. You didn't know how Coryo did it, who he had to talk to in order to convince them to let you plead your case so publicly. Apparently, the Snow name came with more power than you knew.

"You're gonna do great, love." Coryo whispers to you. "Just be yourself, but remember what I said about your essay, right? Be honest, but think about how you word things. I know you can do it." He assures you quietly, hands resting on your shoulders.

You nod, giving him a hopeful smile. "Thank you."

"I'll be right here, I'm not going anywhere." These types of reassurances were becoming less and less necessary over the month you've been here, but still, you don't like it when he's far, and he doesn't like it when he doesn't know where you are. It worked nicely for you both.

"Miss Y/L/N, whenever you're ready." One of the crew directs you, pointing to the comfortable chair they had set up in front of a homey-looking backdrop. It was fake, but it was meant to look like you were in someone's house. The idea of it was confusing to you, but you supposed it was also unimportant. You had much bigger concerns.

"Thank you." You smile at them and give Coryo another quick nod before making your way over to the seat that they said was yours.

Coryo watches as you carefully brush your hands over the front of your dress, smoothing it as you sit down. You looked so elegant as you did it, if he didn't know better, it looked like the habits of the people you were now surrounded with were rubbing off on you quickly. He had watched you rehearse how you would carry yourself and how you would speak and act with Tigris just this morning, after she fit you into the dress she had made for the occasion. Clearly, you had been paying attention.

When you draw your hair from your back and over your shoulder so your meticulously styled curls wouldn't be crushed against the chair, Coryo thinks he might need to sit down. Especially so when you look back at him again, subtly waving at him with your hand from where they are placed in your lap. The dress Tigris had given to you was red- a deep red silky material that complimented the red of his coat and mimicked the shade of the Capitol's flag but still had you standing out on your own. Seeing the way that dress fit you and hugged your form in all the right ways even as you were sitting, he was sure he had never been more grateful to his cousin and her talents.

"Y/N, it's so good to see you again." Lucky smiles at you as he sits down across from you, adjusting the small device attached to his lapel as crew members come up to you and fasten the same thing to the front and back of your dress.

"You as well." You grin, trying the best you can to mask your nervousness.

"Are you ready? Do you need anything?" He asks and you shake your head.

"I am ready whenever you are." You confirm, looking around as some more lights flick on, bright in your eyes as the man behind the camera starts counting down.

You look over at Coryo one last time and he nods at you. It was just like your first interview all over again- you had to sell yourself to the people. To prove that you were worth trusting.

"My name is Lucretius "Lucky" Flickerman," You smile as he flips a coin up into the air. You've seen him do it before, but you still weren't sure how the trick worked. "Amateur magician and your host for everything interesting on Capitol TV, and today is certainly no exception. Today, I have a familiar face with me who I know you will all recognize as well, the Victor of the Tenth Annual Hunger Games, Miss Y/N Y/L/N." He looks over at you and you keep your eyes on him, certain that all cameras are watching you now.

"Y/N, I am so happy to have you back. How have you been?" Lucky asks you and you're already fighting off the need to fidget with your hands.

"I am very well." You smile at him. "How about yourself? It has been a while."

"I'm great, thank you! You know, I was not allowed to bet on the games, but anyone who was there can tell you that I predicted your win from the beginning. You certainly are something else."

"Oh, well thank you." You giggle. "Though, I can't fully be credited for my win. I have to thank the sponsors who allowed Coriolanus to send me food and water. That made all the difference in my game."

"Oh, most definitely." He agrees. "But you shouldn't deny your own role in that. Hiding in the vents, that was genius!" Lucky claps. "Truly, that was a jaw-dropping moment for all of us watching. I remember thinking 'wow, how did she think of that?' It was incredible!"

"Yes, well, I saw the grate and knew it was worth a try." You shrug, slightly laughing. "I had nothing to lose."

"Yes, well, I'm dying to know- what have you been up to the last few months? You went back to Twelve, and then what?"

"Oh! Yes, I did. I've been spending time with friends and family, I got a job at the local library, catching up on some reading, that sort of thing." You grin, glancing at Coryo for only a moment and he gestures for you to continue. "I got home and I really realized for the first time how much we should be appreciating everything we have- even out in the Districts where sometimes life is tough, it's key to remember how privileged we are to be alive. The games were truly eye-opening for me."

Coryo gives you a quick nod of approval, and you smile, training your view back on the man across from you.

"Yes, I agree. Live life to the fullest, that's what they say." You just nod at his response. "Which also begs the question, if you were happy back in Twelve, what brought you back to the Capitol?"

Let the lies begin.

"Well," You laugh nervously. "When I was given the opportunity to come here for the games back in July, I was so interested in everything. The people who I got to talk to, the things I got to see, it was all amazing and I was just dying for more."

"So you decided to come study at the university here, is what I've heard."

"Yes, exactly." You grin. "I just think that the Capitol has so much to offer as far as education goes, I am already learning so much and I am having so much fun doing it."

"So really, your focus is just on your education." He prompts you and you nod.

"Definitely, considering the course load I don't have time for much else, but that doesn't really bother me. Like I said, I just want to learn from the greatest minds in the nation. Even the other students, it's amazing! Everyone has earned their spot there and I can see why and all the work they have put in to be there. It's a privilege to study among them, and I am so grateful that I was given this chance."

"You say 'all the work that they put in to be there', but you didn't attend the academy, so how is it that you were admitted?"

"I filled out the same application that all the other students did, I went through all the same testing." You confirm, nodding at him. "Although," You laugh slightly. "I was only given one day to complete it all. I was locked away in my room working on it all night. I hardly had time to blink, it was tough."

"Wow!" Lucky laughs. "One day? I remember when I applied to the university, my application took months to get just right. You must have aced it all."

"I am very proud of the work I did to be admitted, yes." You smile.

"From what I hear, you should be." He agrees. "So, you're really not in it for the sake of making friends."

"Well, I certainly would love to, but it is not my priority." You nod. "But, if any of my classmates are watching, I promise I am good at proofreading and if you need a second set of eyes on your papers, I'm happy to help. I'd also love to have more people to discuss our readings with." You joke, looking into the camera for the first time.

Lucky laughs. "You've heard it here, everyone. Y/N's pitch to make some friends!"

"Yes, I suppose it was." You chuckle, smiling at him.

"Now on the topic of friends while we're getting to know you better," You tilt your head at him while he begins the question, unsure where it is going. "Back home, do you have a boyfriend? Surely he must be missing you."

"No, not at home..." You laugh, catching in the corner of your eye as Coryo shakes his head at you, his face flat of emotion. "I don't have a boyfriend. Again, that's really just not where my priorities lie at the moment. I've... I've had a very busy year, you could say." You explain hesitantly.

"Wow! A beautiful girl like you?" You laugh nervously at his response. "Capitol boys! She's smart, pretty, and single. Just saying." He says, raising his hands.

You knew his job today was to help you, to make you more likable and more normal, to humanize you, but it was still uncomfortable to hear. "Oh, please." You laugh nervously, waving a hand at him. "Like I said, I'm just here to learn. I'm not after anyone's son."

"No? Not even all the handsome boys in your classes? I'm sure there are at least a few." He teases you and your cheeks flush red.

"I wouldn't know, I'm watching the lectures." You shrug jokingly.

Coryo is trying not to lose his mind while you talk about how single you are. Not that you were much of a willing participant, and to be fair he did tell you not to indicate to them that the two of you were together. You technically weren't, if he was being totally fair, but just because it hadn't been said doesn't mean it isn't real. He knew you knew that, though. So why was he getting so mad?

He doesn't even realize how little attention he was paying after that until you're standing up and shaking Lucky's hand. It was over, you'd done everything you could have to ease the minds of scared and angry Capitol parents.

Lucky gives you a quick hug, wishing you good luck in your classes before you're allowed to rejoin Coryo. "Ready to go?" He asks and you nod.

"How did I do?" You ask as you walk out of the studio and into the hall, aiming for the elevator to take you back to ground level.

"Amazing, love. You were perfect." Coryo confirms, still noticeably tense as he walks next to you.

"Are you sure?" You ask as he presses the button to call the car up to your level, unsure since he still hasn't really looked at you.

The door opens and you both step in. "Yes." He tells you again, quickly tapping the door close button.

"Oh, good. I was really nervous..." You laugh slightly as the doors slide shut, and as soon as any light from the hall ceases to enter the elevator his hands are on you and his lips are pressed against yours.

You let out the slightest squeak out of shock, but quickly relax as Coryo rubs familiar small circles on your hips with his thumbs. How he could be so gentle as he backs you into the wall of the elevator you don't know, but you're grateful for it as you hum into his mouth. But still, something was different.

Spending so much time with you only made him want you more. He loved you, he knew that, and someplace deep in the corners of his mind, he had always wanted you in a way he never thought possible when he first fell for you before the games. Now, with you curled up under his sheets almost every night, seeing you step out of the bathroom with damp hair after a shower in pyjamas that don't fit you quite right, he thought about it more than ever. Thoughts of you plagued him more than usual, and the best way to describe the accompanying feeling was guilt. Guilt that he couldn't show you off given the circumstances- at least not yet.

He trails his kisses away from your lips and across your jaw, pulling you tighter against him. "You're so beautiful, my love..." He mumbles into the skin just below your ear, leaving a kiss in his wake that has your head spinning.

You giggle, eyes fluttering open. "What has gotten into you?" You ask, hands sliding up over his chest to rest on his shoulders.

"I can't tell my girlfriend that I think she's gorgeous?" He asks, shaking his head slightly as he looks down into your eyes.

"Oh, so I am your girlfriend." You giggle and he nods, kissing you again.

"Of course you are, and don't forget it." He chuckles, pulling back from you as the elevator stops moving, waiting for the doors to open.

Your skin is flushed down to your chest as the doors slide apart and even though he's not touching you anymore, you can feel the ghost of his hands on you. You look up at him, a lingering smirk still on his face as he looks straight ahead and leads you out of the car.

The phone rang at the time you were eating dinner, and you quickly asked if you could be excused to go answer it. Coryo and Tigris both just nodded at you, but you could still feel their grandmother's eyes burning into your back as you quickly walked away. She still wasn't fond of you, but she tolerated you. For now, that was just enough.

You grab the phone off the receiver as the small round screen flickers to life. "Hello?" You answer, hopeful that it would finally be your family you see on the other side.

You had answered every call that came to the Snow's apartment for weeks, waiting anxiously to hear their voices again.

"Y/N, is that you, honey?"

You gasp with excitement when you get a clear enough view of your ma. "Ma! Hi!" You smile, leaning in a little closer to get a more clear view as the camera on their end begins to adjust. This was likely the first time it was being used.

"Oh, honey, how good it is to see you!" She smiles, and out of nowhere, you feel hot tears welling up in your eyes.

"You too, Ma." You nod, biting into your lower lip. You didn't want to cry so quickly into the call. "How are you? How's everything at home?"

"Same old." She shakes her head with a slight laugh. "I'm much more interested in you- how is everything? How is school? And how is Tybalt settling in? How are you settling in? My goodness, I just have so many questions!"

You laugh, quickly wiping a stray tear. You had told them about all of this in letters, of course, but she just wanted to hear you say it all. "Everything is good. School has been so lovely, Coryo walks me to all my classes and we eat lunch together between. And Tybalt just loves it here! They have a garden on the roof, and I take him up there as often as I can. Tigris won't stop giving him treats either so he couldn't be happier."

You look down at the animal as he brushes against your leg, looking up at you.

"That's amazing. I've been so worried, it's just so good to see your face again. God, we've been missin' you..."

"I miss you too." You agree, careful not to choke on your tears. "How is Len? And have you seen Lucy Gray and the Covey?"

"He's... He's doing alright." Your mother looks off-screen, and you assume he must be there. The look on her face, one of nervousness and hesitation tells you he doesn't want to speak to you. "But Lucy Gray has been around every day, she and Maude Ivory come over and they help me with hanging the laundry and such... It's been good to have them around."

You smile sadly, nodding slightly with the receiver pressed to your ear. You felt bad about that aspect of leaving- you spent as much time as you could before the games helping out around the house, but even in the summer when you came back you weren't much help. Your mother wouldn't let you do dishes all summer, for fear that the sight of a knife might set you off. She knew you came back a different person, and she wasn't taking any risks. All she really allowed you to do was hang laundry and "keep her company" while she did other home chores. But now, she didn't even have that.

"Can I speak to him?" You ask, referring to your brother who you knew was there.

She nods, waving off camera and holding her hand over the wrong part of the phone. "Lennox, come over here. Y/N wants to talk to you."

His response is muffled, but you make out the gist of it. 'I don't want to talk to her'.

"She's your sister, Lennox. You can't ignore her forever."

'If she wants to talk, she should come home.'

Your heart clenches in your chest and you chew your lip. You have to pretend you couldn't hear, but you just felt so horribly guilty. You shouldn't have left, but he doesn't understand you had no choice. He wouldn't be able to understand until you could come home and see him again, likely not until the summer. Coryo had told you to be mindful of what you write in letters and what you say on the phone, it's possible others were listening. The Capitol was always listening.

"He's just a little busy right now, honey." She smiles at you, but you can see right through it. "But tell me about your day! Did you have class?"

taglist: @soulessjourney , @that-veela-girl ,  @dreamyysouls, @rockstarbfs, @maysileeewrites , @baybieruth , @kitscutie,  @fratboyharrysgf0201 , @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @drewsandsebastianswife , @niicole-87 , @queenofshinigamis , @innercreationflower , @nallasstuff , @iovemoonyy , @thatmarvelchick19 , @wearemadeofstardust0 , @regulusblackcore , @puredreamagination , @fantasticchaosthing , @becauseseaotters , @secretsicanthideanymore , @strawberryflavouredkisses, @cascadingbliss

okay suddenly tumblr isn't letting me tag more people than this so i just made some cuts unfortunately :') i just left the max amount of people i could whose users i recognized and see in my notifs all the time :) if you're not on here and you should be i'm so sorry!

also this taglist is closed now!! if you’d like to get a notification when i update, turn on my post notifications!! i promise i won’t spam y'all :,)

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

ok the askbox is open. im taking this opportunity to say ohhhhh im going crazy over the narrative constructed here. specifically with how audience (anon) interaction is intertwined with the main conflict.

because its like.. we are inherently a BAD THING. yes, some of us are actually malicious, but even if we do have kind intentions, and only want the best for ragatha.. just being there is a negative impact that outweighs any positives. we are a parasite, after all. and technically, the only positive action we could do is to simply.. stop engaging. leave the askblog alone. leave ragatha alone. except we could never do that, because we're too curious now, too attached- we want to see how the story continues, how it ends. we cant leave well enough alone, we just have to know. we need to know. so the cycle will continue nonetheless due to our nature. and we have to watch as our main character, the person we're rooting for, gets worse and worse. knowing that its our fault, because we're choosing to engage. we're choosing this path of pain. because we're curious, and that curiosity would kill us if we didn't feed it.

and of course its on a tadc tumblr ask blog of all things lol. no hate btw. im here enjoying it after all! though honestly i say that like this had any opportunity of existing outside of the askblog genre... or even the tumblr landscape itself- i feel like the anon feature itself is also a big part of this sort of narrative, as it allows those actively malicious anons to be even nastier. because it distances us from our actions. like.. we're given a mask, something that obscures our true identities (both to the other askers.. and to ragatha to an extent, as most all look the same to her. who knows, maybe that one supportive anon trying to cheer her up is the same one also encouraging her downfall! she cant tell!)- a thing that wipes our hands free of any consequences. a chance to become faceless and untraceable- so of course some people will indulge. be as horrible as possible. because, hey, its not like you'll be getting any consequences for it! no way to trace it back to you! no way to be held accountable! you can just sit back and watch the fire you made grow higher. more bright. thats the main goal, after all- to make a spectacle! to move the story along and make it exciting! thats the only thing that matters to you. that its entertaining. not the people you'll be harming in the process.

anyways sorry for the fucking. essay. in your askbox. i like talking and also i fucking love dissecting meta-aligned narratives like this. gggrrggrgrgrrrr chewing on this blog like a chewtoy. i hope everyone gets worse and this whole blog blows up!!!!!!!

i can't stop giggling at ' its on a tadc tumblr ask blog of all things ' . this was really originally supposed to just be a silly blog with little story but here we are . you really won't get this anywhere else

i get pretty happy when someone dissects this silly thing so no need to apologize !! i'm my own harshest critic when it comes to this blog so it's often difficult for me to grasp what meaning people get out of this lol truly thank you guys for wanting to see my insane , Unhinged ideas come through

and i love the dissection on the mean anons - a lot of this thing hinges on actions having consequences after all ! every little thing will have an impact on ragatha's mental state . i'll say i think the anons have potential to not be as harmful - as there was a point in the blog's time where they acted more like inner therapists to ragatha than reality-bending beings of chaos ( good times ) . it just really depends on being patient with an actually mentally ill person like ragatha - it does fascinate me how people's frustration with her echoes real life mental health situations .

but yeah thanks !!! i'll be kissing this essay and pinning it on the refrigerator that i call my brain (:

[lucabyte]

Same anon from before. I get what you're saying, but I think we just have a difference in how we view Siffrin's gender. I don't really think it's possible for him to have a traditional gendered upbringing. They're a unique character to analyze gender wise in that sense. The Siffrin we know essentially popped into existence nearly as blank of slate as a person could be. I think about thier gender from the pov of what it would like to be that blank slate, and the detachment that would bring to the concept of gender as a whole. There's nothing for him to hold on to because he can't remember what it means to be a guy in the first place.

So to me, the he is as constructed as every other part of his identity. <- Hoping this makes sense.

(contexts: essay & prev anon)

i see i see. thank u for elaborating

i think you've misunderstood my angle, which is fair enough since I ramble a lot. But now that I know where you're coming from I can say what I'm talking about is kind of from a different mode of like. analysis.

Basically, I'm not really arguing for siffrin being able to Remember how they were raised, outside of the very specific things they exhibit in game of being afraid to want for things, which is the wish craft thing. In-universe, what I'm arguing is that Siffrin has gone for the "default" for what they have. They're going for 'he' because it's what they went with at first, and are scared to make any moves in any direction because being assertive about their wants is the thing they struggle with. It could be constructed, sure, but whatever it is, its the one they started with/got given at some point and now they're scared to change it.

But, what I'm actually arguing for, which is the point you haven't quite gotten by the sounds of it, is that I'm arguing from a like, thematic "what was the author intending/drawing paralells with the real world" angle.

In this reading, siffrin's like, inability to remember their childhood upbringing doesn't really matter? because I'm kind of arguing past that line of reasoning. I'm more talking about my speculations on Adrienne's Intentions-- I'm trying to read the authorial intent, not the in-universe reasoning.

And to me, the big smoking gun here, is that the change religion is The Transgender Religion, and Siffrin is an Outsider to it. In terms of thematic writing here, it makes most sense, to me, for Siffrin's trepidation re: change to come from a character who has been written with the assumption that they've never taken a big leap and changed their whole identity, instead clinging to what they know.

This makes Siffrin's gender another potential avenue for the game to use as Theme. The fact that they are nonbinary already is something of note, but that they seem to be doing it out of apathy rather than joy (making them opposite to isabeau) would make the most sense, thematically. They're disconnected from themself (their culture, their body, their gender) and need to make decisions about it. They can stay nonbinary, they can stay masc aligned, they can lean harder in whatever direction they want-- But they should do it because it makes them *happy*, not because its the path of least resistence. (which highly resembles the theme of the game of having those difficult conversations about wanting things!)

Which, thematically, is a little more solid if they've never taken that control before. I'm talking way more about story structure and authorial intent than i am the character's *actual* gender identity and expression, yknow?

So like. not actually incompatible with your thoughts? You're just saying they constructed the he/they at least a little bit on purpose, and i'm saying it makes sense if they're just doing that by default-- but all i'm saying is that it makes more /thematic/ story sense, if this 'default/constructed' dichotomy *also* maps on to our IRL concepts of being transgender-- ie that default is based on your Junk. Which is something that Vaugarde (and Maybe the island) don't agree with, so yeah, maybe that doesn't matter to In-universe-siffrin. but i'm not arguing about in-universe-siffrin's choices as much as i'm arguing about Adrienne id5's choices when making siffrin.

BUT dont worry this is why i was so worriedly yapping about watsonian (in-universe explanations) vs doylist (author-based explanations) so much, beause I know most fandom discussion comes from in-universe theorising, but i'm doing is basically the opposite so i was kind of expecting people to get tripped up by it. So I hope this clears it up a bit?

To try and put it succinctly... umm..

Siffrin is a Fictional Character, and I'm speculating about the Design and Writing Decisions that went into making them, and then using that to inform my in-universe thoughts on Siffrin.

Basically trying to get into the author's headspace to get to know them better, rather than trying to get into the Character's headspace to get to know them better. It's just a different approach and as such it can lead to different answers. (esp since. siffrin is so cagey their headspace is uh. well. even they have issues with it. its hard to get in there)

[sehodreams]

Have you seen the discussion around wonbin's short height? Can you think of a way to make his short height sexy and dark? Maybe his short stature gives the illusion that he's weak or a pushover but in fact his aura is huge and intimidating? idk i trust your ideas are better teehee

Summary: You wanted to try something new, and your sweet classmate was the perfect option, but what happens when the kind little boy feels insulted when you call him a virgin? Of course he makes you say you're sorry.

WC: 5.7K

TW and tags: nerd!dom!Wonbin x sub!plus size!reader (I feel she’s something more but I have no idea what to call her), hard dom!Wonbin, spitting, hair pulling, use of names (slut, whore), extreme dubcon, a part of noncon, teasing, mocking, overstimulation, use of sex toys, use of the term virgin as an insult, spanking, masturbation, lots of filthy stuff.

Comment: Sorry for taking so long, I can’t write short stuff, I’m trying, but I end up writing these long ass stories because even if my english vocabulary is lacking, the filthiness of my mind not lol. This is dark, if you don’t like this kind of content please just scroll. Also, the hair pulling scene was inspired from @///403tarot and his reading for Wonbin, i just can't stop thinking about it, thank you lord. (edit: I hope you like it anon, sorry if it's not what you expected)

You had a type, you weren't exactly sure if it was because you liked how they looked or how they made you feel, but all the boys you dated were almost identical, from the height to the roughness of their hands, the callouses they had from training were always on the same spots and they even acted the same way, because they always cheated on you.

You didn't know why, but those fit guys always looked your way, as if conquering you was the next step in their bulking plan, and you accepted because you loved to feel small by their side, it was pretty difficult to find boys that made you feel like that, protected and tender, because you were a big girl, and also you didn't have much option since most boys around preferred skinny girls, so you didn't have much experience meeting other kind of boys that caught your attention.

"Maybe you should try something different, you never know, it doesn't have to be a lanky guy, but maybe you could start with younger boys, I've heard they're fun too" your friend said, and you nodded, if you wanted something different you had to break the pattern, but with who?

You looked at your options around, there were a few cute guys in your classes, and even if you were big, you wouldn't accept just anyone, you had to like them, so maybe Anton from philosophy could be a good option, he was younger than you, or Eunseok from social studies, he was your age, but lanky as hell, Sungchan from history?, he was kind of a gym bro too, but not like your exes, and he was more sweet than normal, maybe that could work.

You were thinking about it when Wonbin sat next to you and pulled a folder out of his backpack "I know we had until the weekend to send the essay but I've been free these days and I already finished it, I did your part so you didn't have to, but I brought it in case you wanted to change something" he shyly moved the folder your way, giving you a soft smile.

Sweet Wonbin, with his squared glasses and his ugly ass flannels, he always knew what to do to make you happy, maybe he could be a good option, he was different from your usual type, short and skinnier than normal, and pretty instead of handsome, he'd have never caught your attention before, but he was nice, so you could at least do him a little favor and let him touch a real girl, because even if it sounded bad, you were sure he had never done it before, you just had to see the way his eyes avoided yours when you talked, or the anime girl he had on his phone background.

"Wonbin you're the best!" You said, making him smile more, "I was about to talk to you actually, my computer's been acting weird these days and I was wondering if you could come to my house and check it, I heard you fixed Shotaro's laptop not long ago" You asked, touching his arm and looking at him with your doe eyes. Your computer was fine, but you wanted to be alone with him, and you knew he'd do anything for you.

Just like you expected, he nodded eagerly, telling you he was free whenever you needed him.

And like that, the next day you had him in your room, both of you in front of your computer sitting shoulder to shoulder, he telling you something about you not needing to invest in some antivirus because he could install you one for free, and you nodding to everything he said, watching his slender fingers write stuff you didn't understand on the keyboard.

He had finished quick, not finding anything out of normal, telling you to call him in case your computer acted weird again, so he could immediately see what was wrong.

You thanked him and offered him a cup of tea before he left, sitting next to him on the little table on the floor next to your bed. You decided to make some conversation while he finished his tea, "thank you so much Wonbin, my boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend, was the one who checked my computer, you have no idea how much I appreciate your help" you said.

He nodded, "it's nothing, don't worry" he murmured. You didn't know how to approach the idea of you two having a date, so you waited for him to talk, but he didn't.

You were like that for an uncomfortable minute, so you started to ramble about school stuff while he continued drinking his tea, at least he seemed more at ease after he laughed to something you said. You were about to show him some papers you had in one of your drawers, crawling to your desk since it was just next you, but when you went back to where you were sitting you saw him stiff, with his backpack covering his lap.

You didn't have to be a genius to know what he was hiding, you just didn't expect it to happen so fast, you had showed him a flash of the back of your thighs, and he was already like that, you expected him to be a virgin, but to that point? it was even kind of laughable.

He was looking down to his cup, fingers playing with the handle, not daring to directly look at you, a bit too shy for you, but you saw the opportunity and took it, "everything okay?" you asked him. You were on your knees, chest close to him, and your hand brushed his arm to make him look at your direction.

The air got hotter and you saw him gulp, this was new, kind of exciting, to see a boy be like that, you were too used to the brute kind of man that would have already pushed you to the floor to take you and seeing him so nervous was kind of fun too.

Your eyelids fluttered, almost closing, and your mouth approached him, he looked at you, waiting, and didn't move when you kissed him, it was more a fast peck on the lips, pulling away as fast as you gave it to him, just a little teasing for him to make the next move.

You held your breath, the tip of your nose touching his and expecting a kiss back, but he only talked, "I... I shouldn't, I have a partner".

"What?" You said shocked with his answer, immediately moving back and away from his face, you just couldn't believe it, you were there, offering yourself to that boy, and he already had a girlfriend? Since when? You had never seen him maintain a conversation with another girl who wasn't you, and if you were honest, luckily you had seen him with two or three friends. Still, you felt bad for talking with that tone to him, as if it was unbelievable that someone liked him, "No, I'm sorry, that sounded really bad, I didn't mean too, I just... I didn't expect you to have a girlfriend."

"Why would you say that?" He said, frowning his eyebrows to your shock.

"Oh, it's just... I don't know, I thought since you always go around alone and you're an..." You didn't finish your sentence, you just looked at him, not knowing how to fix your mistake.

"Wow, so you think no one could like me because of the things I like? You're fat and everyone thinks you're a slut, but I don't say those things to you" he spat back.

You stood up, he was in your house, insulting you, when you only wanted to get closer to him? "What the fuck? Wonbin, that's too much", he could reject you, but not like that. "Get the fuck out of my house" you told him, opening your door for him to leave your room. He stood up too, walking to you, and he was about to do it, to end that interaction and leave your house, until you talked again, "that's what I get for trying to help a fucking virgin."

The room got tense, you crossed your arms, waiting for him to leave, and he was glaring at you, still, as if he had any right to be mad with you.

His gaze made you uncomfortable after a long minute, he was watching you with a serious face you had never seen before, and the air was heavy, like taunting you, but you maintained the eye contact, not letting win.

"Apologize" he demanded, making you snicker, who the hell he thought he was?

"Or what? Virgin" you answered, tired of his little mind game.

His eyes didn't flicker, unmoved with your behavior, tired of your bullshit, he talked again. "Sit" he said, looking extremely pissed off, and you don't know why, but when you saw how his eyes got darker and his whole demeanor changed, you felt he was going to do something, and it kind of intimidated you, but it also made you curious, so you took your old spot without question.

He was coldly staring at you from where he was, then, he walked in front of you, standing while you sat there on your knees and looked up to him, not knowing why, but expecting him to talk or do something. "Do you think everyone is as easy as you? You should respect you and others more, no one likes a dumb slut."

You scoffed, not believing his words. "At least I get laid" you talked back with a grin on your face.

He showed you the same grin and grabbed your chin, making you look at him in the eyes, "do you really not know what they say about you? Everyone knows you're just a hole waiting for some dick to fill her, they all talk about it, how you're fucking disgusting, a fat bitch waiting for someone to look her way so she can get fucked, they say your pussy is so used you're not even fun to fuck anymore."

The way he said that sent a shiver through your back, hurting you and the little dignity you had, making your eyes get slightly wet, but you blinked and made those tears go back.

"Then why are you still here?" You spat, resentful with him, he wasn't the sweet boy you thought he was, and he was starting to agitate you.

"You need to see that not everything goes your way, and that you can't go around behaving like a dumb whore, it's not cute at all, but don't worry, after I finish with you, you'll be a good girl again, like when we met, before those jerks filled your brain with their stupidity" he said that so sure of himself, full of disdain, his shoulders suddenly appeared bigger and you felt small down there.

"What are you going to do, fuck me? Don't you think that's silly considering I brought you here for that?" He shook his head to your question.

"Believe me, what I'm going to do to you will make you wish you hadn't brought me here" You wanted to ask what he meant with that, but he had started to unfasten his belt, being clear on what he was about to do. "From now on, you can only talk if I ask you something, apart from that I want you to do what I tell you and shut up."

"What the-" you couldn't finish your sentence, his hand had been too fast for you to pay attention to it, and had slapped your face so loud the sound of it echoed in the room, leaving you shaken on your knees, and just how he wanted, silent.

"I've been clear, I hate stupid questions, you're a big girl and you should understand what I say when I say it" you hated him, you hated how he was treating you, you hated the tone of his voice, as if he had any authority over you, you hated him so much, or at least that's what you thought, you couldn't understand why suddenly there was a fire starting on your lower abdomen, and why your pussy was hurting so much you had to clench your thighs right there in front of him, "never forget it, I don't like to repeat myself"

You didn't move, not even a nod, he didn't ask you anything, so you stayed there in silence, on your place, making him smile in result, pleased with you.

"Now be good and come here", he had sat on the border of your bed and patted his lap, you saw the belt on his hand and your eyes got wet again, afraid of what he was about to do to you. Seconds went by and you didn't move, which made his face get a little red. He closed his eyes and sighed, annoyed with you, "you want me to get angry?"

You denied with your head, eyes big and frightened. You stood up immediately, in front of him, you were about to sit on his lap when he stopped you.

"Face down, ass up"

It couldn't be possible, was he about to spank you? What were you, a fucking kid?

You wanted to protest, feeling incredibly insulted, but with just a glance from him he made you do it, you lied over him, feet dangling in the air, ass in front of him over the expansion of his thighs, and your face down, hiding from him. Ashamed, you couldn't stop the little tears from falling down your cheeks.

His hand lifted the little fabric of your skirt and showed most of your skin, little of it covered only by the thin panties you were wearing, "What do you say, should we start with five? And I want you to count them out loud" you gulped, you had never been spanked before, even less with a belt, you had no idea how painful it would be and that made you feel anxious, your ass hadn't even been touched and you already felt your skin tingling and your pussy leak.

His hand grabbed your hair and he made you lift your face. Your cheeks were damp from your tears and your eyes found his, an exasperated look all over his face, glasses falling down his nose and tongue pushing the inside of his cheek, "do you want me to hurt you? Why aren't you answering?"

"No, I'm sorry" you answered, eyes shaking from his tone.

"Then talk, use your words, I told you to start with five, but now they'll be ten" his grip was hurting your scalp, and you wanted to cry because of how unfair he was being, but you didn't want to make him even more angry, so you accepted it.

"Yes, I'll count, I promise" you said how you could, your voice breaking in your throat.

He let your hair go and you sighed, relieved, but that didn't last long, his hand pried inside your panties, molding your ass with his hand, and then he cupped your pussy, so wet you could feel little drops falling out of you, "fuck, look at this slut, already dripping when I haven't even touched you", he pulled your panties down your thighs and you felt the air touch your naked cunt.

He caressed your skin, appreciating the size of your ass and its form, so round it invited his hand to grope it. He liked it, he always thought about doing it when you were in class, when you walked to the front to talk to the professor or to some of your friends, he stayed on his seat, watching it move from side to side with every step, teasing a place inside his mind he had never paid attention to, because he didn't know how much he could like a curvy girl until he met you, with your tight blouses showing the size of your chest, or your skirts that sometimes showed more than what was considered appropriate, but he always admired you from afar, everyone knew you had a type, those assholes addicted to the gym, and they always flew around you, not leaving anyone else an opportunity to approach you.

He actually liked that you invited him, but he knew you didn't like him, he saw it in your eyes, for you he was just something new and funny to play once, and he didn't want to be just a fuck, he wanted to be something else, when you met you were the sweetest girl he ever saw, sharing your notes with him and including him in work groups, but you changed, and you started to look at him the same way the others did, so you judging him was enough to push the little restraint he had, because no one, especially you, the campus whore, was going to insult him like that.

You were getting used to the felling of his hand touching your skin, even enjoying it, when you felt the first whip, "One!" You screamed almost like a reflex. You hadn't noticed when he grabbed his belt, but the sting of it over your bottom made you dizzy and your lungs couldn't accept the air you tried to breath for a long second, feeling a burning pain.

"Good, continue like that, don't get distracted" he adverted. You nodded how you could, arms and legs shaking from the impact.

"Two!" If you thought the first hurt, the second was even worse, the hot sensation had moved through your skin, burning more of it, almost until your thighs, nerves sending little shocks all around.

You felt the leather accessory brush your back and slowly go down to your ass, finding at some point your pussy lips, he didn't put any pressure over it, but your body moved on its own and lifted your hips, trying to make more contact against the belt.

"Needy whore" he called you, making your pussy throb and you whine.

He continued like that, spanking, teasing, and caressing. You felt your skin irritated, almost brazing, as if your live flesh was already there after all the hits, you were just in the seventh spank when you had cried loud enough for your voice to echo through the whole house, but no one was there, and even if you prayed, no one would be able to help you.

"Eight!" Your voice was loud and clear, tears uncontrollably falling down your cheeks and pussy clenching around nothing, his pants surely had a big wet spot after your pussy dripped all over them and you tried to find any way of pain appeasement rutting to his thigh.

You could feel his boner touch the side of your hip and you didn't need to see it to know it was big, and that, if he didn't fuck you after all those punches, you would suffer even more than with his spanks, because your pussy was so painfully untouched you would go crazy in any second.

Without noticing, you were already in the tenth hit, but before he did it, he opened your folds with his fingers, to see your poor cunt, it was so wet it was shining down then lights of your room, and the second he opened them a line of your wetness started to visibly drop down his thigh.

"Another rule, you can't cum if I don't give you permission" he said, middle finger tracing up and down your slit, poking your hole and then ignoring it to go to your clit and press it.

Your thighs were shaking, you wanted his finger to enter your cunt, you needed it, you wanted to beg but you were afraid of how he'd react, so you didn't, only nodding to him and his order.

The last spank arrived and you screamed the number full of pain, exhausted and somehow elated at the same time, it's over, you thought gladly.

But your body didn't think the same, with that last stroke your pussy had leaked and made a mess over his pants, and he angrily grabbed you by the hair to look at him in the eyes "I told you that you couldn't cum, stupid bitch" he spat, lips moving with fury.

"I didn't-I didn't, I swear" you cried, your hands were over your bed, trying to maintain you in the position he had pulled you to not be as painful as the first time.

"Shut up, now you're talking back? On all your fours" you crawled out of his lap, still wearing your stretched out panties mid thighs and heavily breathing.

You didn't dare to look at him, only hearing him move behind you, situating behind you and opening your ass cheeks with both palms, spitting over your little hole and making you jolt.

You trembled, what if he wanted to fuck your ass? You had never been fucked there, and just the thought made you gulp the saliva accumulating inside your mouth.

Did you want it or not? You didn't know.

"If you weren't such a slut I would've fuck you good long ago, but I thought you only liked steroid dicks, what made you change your mind?" He asked, thumb incredibly close to your little unused hole "have you ever been fucked in the ass?"

"I don't like them, they like me" you said, sound muffled by your pillow "and no, never."

He pressed his thumb, satisfied with your answer, pushing it inside your ass, making your pussy clench of need.

You moaned, no one had played with that place before, and your slick had lubricated you enough, making his touch feel even better, a weird but good sensation.

"Such a pretty hole, sadly you won't get fucked today" he slapped his length against your ass cheek, and you moaned again, you didn't know when he had taken out his dick, but it had you squirming, it felt big, and you were sure it'd hurt if he fucked you.

Your toes curled, it was so wrong, you shouldn't want him, you thought about asking him to stop, you couldn't let him use you, he was unpredictable, you would've never imagined the strength and authority he had, it was so different from his usual self, the Wonbin he had shown to the world wasn't this one at all, where was the lame otaku you shared classes with? You approached him because you thought he'd be soft and even weak, listening to anything you wanted, you just wanted some fun and to try something different, and this was different, but not the way you expected.

"What are you thinking about? I told you to not get distracted" he asked after some time, his hands kept moving around your curves, but when you stopped whining, he knew something else was in your head.

"Can-Can we stop? I'm sorry for what I said, happy?" you spoke, wanting to stop and rest, your ass cheeks were stinging, and you had no idea what was going through his head, which honestly made you fear of his next action, because if he wasn't going to fuck you, what was he going to do?

His hands stopped and you felt his weight fall behind you, eyes all over you, but you continued there, ass up, thighs closed and face against your pillow, waiting for him to talk.

"Okay" you couldn't believe it, you were free, you sighed, relieved for it to end. You stood up, arms and legs shaking, your underwear that was mid thighs fell down and you didn't care, you kick it out of your feet and pulled down your skirt, you were still dressed, so that was good enough for you, you didn't have time to pay attention to how dirty you were, slick dripping out of you with every movement, you just wanted to get out of your room as soon as possible, to hide in your bathroom and wait for him to leave with the protection of being alone in a secluded room, away from him.

You were about to give your first step when you felt a grip on your hair pulling you back with force to the bed, making your body fall on your back and yelp of surprise.

Your body bounced over the mattress, and you saw him laugh loudly, that same laugh you had seen many times before when you joked around him, but this time directed to you, "did you really believe me? You can fuck yourself with your fake ass apology, it only makes me think that I should really fuck the stupidity out of your head before you get worse".

You gasped for air, your chest was heavily trying to breathe again, and your heart was beating fast, full of fear.

"Now, be good and tell me where you have your vibrator, and don't you dare lie to me, dating all those one pump chump, I'm sure you haven't had a proper orgasm unless you played with yourself" even without his warning you wouldn't have lied to him, you knew better than that. You pointed the second drawer on your bedstand, making him grin.

It was magic wand, a powerful vibrator that you received as a gift from your friends, a friendly joke within the group, but you hadn't used it that much, too afraid of its intensity.

He didn't waste any time, he turned it on and the buzzing sound made you close your eyes, turning the front of your body down and grabbing your pillow for comfort, you knew he was a about to ruin you, and that there was no way of scaping him.

He came back to you and smacked your ass, your ass was red and irritated from his first punishment, and it hurt you like hell, making you scream loudly over your pillow, which muffled it as much as it could.

Still, he laughed again, and grabbing your hips he made you go back to your past position, on all fours with your face down, embarrassed from being like that in front of him.

You heard the buzz get closer to you and when it finally touched your clit you cried, you were sensitive after all the teasing and just a brush of it was enough to make your whole body jolt.

He was mocking you at first, pressing and pulling away in seconds, again and again, making you whimper from desperation.

"Don't forget, you can't cum until I allow you" his hand hit you again and you sobbed.

"Yes" you answered loud.

His hand touched your spine, making your back arch even more, pussy trying to find your touch.

He didn't wait anymore, he pressed the head of the toy against your whole cunt, making you moan loudly and hug tighter your pillow, your hips moving back and forth.

"Fuck that feels good" his dick was also against the vibrator, pushing the toy even more to you with his hips bucking, as if he was fucking you when he was feeling the same vibrations as you, a bit less intense, but still good against him.

It drove you crazy, it was insane how good you were feeling, and he wasn't even fucking your insides, you had no idea masturbation could be that intense, and with him, your face was flushed, your forehead sweaty, your hair was a mess, and you were leaking so much of your juices it was almost like you were cumming.

"Shit" your hips were frantically moving against him, ass jiggling and the perfect image of you fucking yourself, you crying of pleasure without stop, making his hand tighten his grasp on your waist, feeling the extra skin of your tummy with his fingers.

"Are you about to cum?" He asked, you were buckling your hips too much against him, which was a sign of it.

"Yes! Yes!" You said, the orgasm was so close you saw little spots when you closed your eyes and you wanted him to let you cum, you needed to cum.

He had other plans for you, so he pulled away, not letting the toy touch you anymore.

"Why?" You howled, shamelessly shaking your ass for him to press it again, receiving another spank as a result.

"You don't ask, you obey, so shut up" he stated. You bite your lip, tears falling and clit throbbing, it was so close, so close and so unobtainable at the same time, it made you feel hopeless.

"Take your top off and look at me" you obeyed him without doubt, you took your top and your bra off and sat on your knees, looking at him and still biting your lip to not talk when you shouldn't.

You were both sitting in front of each other, but he was completely dressed, just his dick out of his pants and his belt thrown away in some place in your room, while you, on the other hand, only wore your skirt, which had the front and back of it drenched from all your juices.

You showed him your tits, waiting for him to touch you and make you cum, it was sick, it revolved your stomach, but you needed that orgasm like you had no idea, now having tasted it so close, how could you let it slip away?

"Pretty slut" he said, both hands going to each tit and playing with them, fingers pinching your nipples to then grope them, making little tears fall your eyes, and when he slapped one of them, you felt even a worst sting on your breast than on your ass, making a heartbroken cry scape your mouth.

He loved that sound so much he wanted to hear it again, you breaking down it would be impossible for you to ever forget who was the cause of all those sounds.

He moved closer, now up on his knees and looking down at you. He was short, but in that moment, you saw him fucking immense, making you feel insignificant compared to him.

His hand went to your hair, you expected him to hurt you, flinching, but he pet you instead, ruffling your hair and nodding to you, "cum", he said.

You didn't understand why he said that, but then you heard the buzz of the toy again, getting close to your clit, making you smile and open your legs as much as you could to receive it.

It felt so fucking good, his hand on your hair was now a grip but you didn't care, you couldn't feel anything else that wasn't the toy against you.

However, it was weird, a pain was growing inside you, making you try to squirm away after some time, "No-", you tried to stop him, that weird sensation was still in your abdomen, increasing with each second, a hot pressure that made your pussy clench and throb strongly.

"I didn't ask you, I want you to cum, so you'll cum" he said, pushing the little button to the maximum, the power was so strong you chocked with your own saliva and you coughed before you could talk again.

"Wait! Wait!" You repeated, his grip on your hair was still there, strong, and your face was red of tears falling down your cheeks. Your pussy was being so abused your body had started to convulse and your hips jolted with every vibration of the toy.

Was that a real orgasm? You didn't know it would be so aggressive, you didn't know how it would feel, but it was almost like dying, a sensation that completely terrified you.

He didn't move a single inch away, he was biting his lip and his face showed a grin from ear to ear.

A pitched sound came out of your throat, you were cumming so hard streams of your orgasm were dripping down his hand and onto the bedsheets, but he didn't stop, and the overstimulation was starting to be more and more painful. You tried to move your hips away, but he didn't let you, his hand with the toy would follow your body, not letting you scape at all.

"Are you sorry now?" He asked after he finally pulled away the toy from you, letting you breathe and regain some of your consciousness.

You nodded to his question, you were sorry, you didn't mean to bother him so much, you should've thought twice before talking, you really didn't know your punishment would be like that.

His hand impacted on your cheek again, you couldn't move your head and he took advantage of that to give you a strong slap, shaking your mind and making your eyes blurry, and then, when you cried and loudly said you were sorry, he tapped softly the same cheek he had slapped seconds ago, "I told you, you're a big girl and you should use your words if you didn't want to make me mad"

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I was bad, forgive me, please" you begged, sobbing and deeply regretting having teased him.

"That's the apology I was waiting from you, well done" he let your hair finally free, sitting next to you and jerking his cock with your orgasm on his hand. You, about to crumble over the bed, legs hurting and mind too hazy to think properly, only watched him moving his hand over his length. "I think you learned your lesson today, but you need more training, don't you think so?"

You should be disgusted with him and how he acted, your whole body was in pain, and you saw dark dots all around you, your eyesight full of them and at the same time focused on his hand and what he was doing, and you were sure your pussy and your ass cheeks would be in pain for many days later because of how much he abused you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to reproach him.

You had learned may things that day, and you should appreciate that, how you shouldn't judge a book for its cover, how you shouldn't misbehave and talk back, and that you didn't like big guys because they made you feel small, you just liked to feel small.

He had done a question, so you, just like he taught you, answered it, "Yes, I still have much to learn".

[lvrsparadise]

hii! can you do matt sturniolo x reader where reader has a bad day and just breaks down in matts arms and he comforts reader?

Hii lovely anon!! Of course! ♡

I'LL ALWAY BE HERE - M.S

Synopsis - Request!

Warnings! - Anxiety, some weirdo, crying, kissing, sad R, we love a supporting boyfriend, fluff.

A/N - I love this request! See I love people who can just write straight to the point, but I have to explain and add the details because I feel like everyone needs to know what's happened in the background, to lead up to the starring moment. I don't know why my brain works that way but, I hope you like it anon!! ♡♡

Why did today have to be so stressful?

First, I was late to work. Then, while at work, some drunk guy outside kept hitting on me and multiple other females. Also, I dropped an entire tray of drinks, all over myself.

Oh, and don't even get me started on what happened before work!

My roommates dog pissed all over my room and took a shit next to my bed. Leaving me to step in it when I woke up. And I ran out of shampoo as well. Also, my professor for my English lit class is failing me because I didn't use proper punctuation in my essay. Pretty petty if you ask me.

My phone wouldn't charge. My laptop wouldn't turn on. And I'm pretty sure my TV's broken as well. So fun! Not.

I decide to forgo heading back to my place, and drive straight to my boyfriend's house, in desperate need of... I don't even know.

I pull into the driveway and get out of my car in record time, making it to their door quickly.

I fumble with my keys trying to find the spare they gave me when they first moved into their house.

Finally, I find the key and unlock the door. I sigh in relief at the comforting smell of my best friend's house. I kick my shoes off and start my ascent up the stairs to the living room.

"Honey! I'm home!!" I say in a funny voice as I walk into the living room, where only one of the three are. The person I'm looking for, not in sight.

"Oh, hey. I thought you were closing tonight?"

"I did. My manager told me to close early because no one was coming in."

"Fair point." As if Nick can sense my anxiety and stress, which is probably radiating off of me like a beacon, he points to Matt's room.

"He's streaming right now."

"Thank you thank you thank you." I say as I throw my keys onto the table and walk to Matt's room, knocking on the door before cracking it open and peaking my head inside.

He snaps his head in my direction, having heard me opening his door. I smile sheepishly at him as I walk in and shut the door behind me.

He slides his headphones off his head and swivels his chair to face me.

"Hey. I thought you were closing tonight?"

"I did. I just closed up early because no one was coming in."

"Oh okay. I'm streaming, do you want to say hi?"

I nod with the best smile I can muster. I lean into the cameras frame smiling at the viewers.

"Hey guys!" I wave to the camera with one hand while the other hold onto the back of Matt's chair like a lifeline.

Chat's going a thousand miles per hour at the sight of me. Most of them commenting on how Matt was looking at me.

"I think I'm going to end stream here guys. Bye chat. Love you guys."

He quickly ends the stream and turns his monitor and PC off before turning his chair back to me.

"Is everything okay? You look... stressed."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just had a rough day."

"Are you sure?"

"What do you-?"

Matt stands up and places one hand on my cheek, wiping away a tear I didn't know fell.

"Baby, are you okay?"

I deflate. Like a balloon, at his question. Whatever barrier was holding back the water works, fell. And I can feel the tears falling from my eyes.

"No." The word came out in a sob but was still depictable.

"Come here." Matt mumbles as he wraps his arms around my neck, pulling me closer to him. I wrap my own arms around his torso, balling my hands into the fabric of his hoodie as I sob into his chest.

His chin is resting on top of my head, and occasionally he'll press a kiss to my head as a reminder that he's there.

We stand there, swaying back and forth, for maybe eternity.

"Here's what's going to happen, you're going to shower, get comfy, and I'm going to order food then we'll watch whatever you want. That sound good?"

I nod my head against his chest.

"Yeah."

"Good." We pull back and he wipes away my tears with his thumbs and presses a kiss to my forehead, cheeks, nose, then lips.

He hands me a pair of his sweats, one of his hoodies, and some boxers before ushering me to his bathroom.

As I shower, Matt sits on the floor against the sink, talking to me as I do so. Keeping me company.

After I'm clean and have changed into much comfier clothes, we head back to his room where he turns off the lights and gets the bed set up so that we can cuddle.

Once we're settled in his bed, he turns the TV on and looks down at me.

"What do you want to watch pretty girl?"

"Hmmm. Sing 2."

I nuzzle back into his neck comfortably as he opens Netflix and turns the movie on.

--

It doesn't matter how many times I watch this movie, the scene near the end where they start the show when the whole theatre becomes the star background, will always amaze me. It's just such a great scene. And the entire show is just amazing.

By the end of the movie, I'm a little tired.

As if on cue,

"You tired?" I hear Matt chuckle and the sensation of it makes me even more tired.

I just nod and almost koala bear around him, earning another chuckle as he slides our bodies down to a laying position and under his comforter.

"I love you."

"I love you too sweet girl." He presses a kiss to my head before wrapping his arms around my waist and I drift off peacefully, feeling more secure in the arms of the one I love most.

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@dwntwn-strnlo ✮ @ssturniolo ✮ @strniolo ✮ @20nugs ✮ @prettysturniolo ✮

If you want to be added to the list, all you have to do is ask !! ✮

I love all of you guys !

And I hope you all have a wonderful day and / or night ✮

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: hello! thank you for running this blog. i hope your vacation was well-spent!

i am an enfp in the third year of my engineering degree. i had initially wanted to do literature and become an author. however, due to the job security associated with this field, my parents got me to do computer science, specialising in artificial intelligence. i did think it was the end of my life at the time, but eventually convinced myself otherwise. after all, i could still continue reading and writing as hobbies.

now, three years in, i am having the same thoughts again. i've been feeling disillusioned from the whole gen-ai thing due to art theft issues and people using it to bypass - dare i say, outsource - creative work. also, the environmental impact of this technology is astounding. yet, every instructor tells us to use ai to get information that could easily be looked up in textbooks or google. what makes it worse is that i recently lost an essay competition to a guy who i know for a fact used chatgpt.

i can't help feeling that by working in this industry, i am becoming a part of the problem. at the same time, i feel like a conservative old person who is rejecting modern technology and griping about 'the good old days'.

another thing is that college work is just so all-consuming and tiring that i've barely read or written anything non-academic in the past few years. quitting my job and becoming a writer a few years down the road is seeming more and more like a doomed possibility.

i've been trying to do what i can at my level. i write articles about ethical considerations in ai for the college newsletter. i am in a technical events club, and am planning out an artificial intelligence introductory workshop for juniors where i will include these topics, if approved by the superiors.

from what i've read on your blog, it doesn't seem like you have a very high opinion of ai, either, but i've only seen you address it in terms of writing. i'd like to know, are there any ai applications that you find beneficial? i think that now that i am here, i could try to make a difference by working on projects that actually help people, rather than use some chatgpt api to do the same things, repackaged. i just felt like i need the perspective of someone who thinks differently than all those around me. not in a 'feed my tunnel-vision' way, but in a 'tell me i'm not stupid' way.

----------------------

It's kind of interesting (in the "isn't life whacky?" sort of way) you chose the one field that has the potential to decimate the field that you actually wanted to be in. I certainly understand your inner conflict and I'll give you my personal views, but I don't know how much they will help your decision making.

I'm of course concerned about the ramifications on writing not just because I'm a writer but because, from the perspective of education and personal growth, I understand the enormous value of writing skills. Learning to write analytically is challenging. I've witnessed many people meet that challenge bravely, and in the process, they became much more intelligent and thoughtful human beings, better able to contribute positively to society. So, it pains me to see the attitude of "don't have to learn it cuz the machine does it". However, writing doesn't encompass my full view on AI.

I wouldn't necessarily stereotype people who are against new technology as "old and conservative", though some of them are. My parents taught me to be an early adopter of new tech, but it doesn't mean I don't have reservations about it. I think, psychologically, the main reason people resist is because of the real threat it poses. Historically, we like to gloss over the real human suffering that results from technological advancement. But it is a reasonable and legitimate response to resist something that threatens your livelihood and even your very existence.

For example, it is already difficult enough to make a living in the arts, and AI just might make it impossible. Even if you do come up with something genuinely creative and valuable, how are you going to make a living with it? As soon as creative products are digitized, they just get scraped up, regurgitated, and disseminated to the masses with no credit or compensation given to the original creator. It's cannibalism. Cannibalism isn't sustainable.

I wonder if people can seriously imagine a society where human creativity in the arts has been made obsolete and people only have exposure to AI creation. There are plenty of people who don't fully grasp the value of human creativity, so they wouldn't mind it, but I would personally consider it to be a kind of hell.

I occasionally mention that my true passion is researching "meaning" and how people come to imbue their life with a sense of meaning. Creativity has a major role to play in 1) almost everything that makes life/living feel worthwhile, 2) generating a culture that is worth honoring and preserving, and 3) building a society that is worthy of devoting our efforts to.

Living in a capitalist society that treats people as mere tools of productivity and treats education as a mere means to a paycheck already robs us of so much meaning. In many ways, AI is a logical result of that mindset, of trying to "extract" whatever value humans have left to offer, until we are nothing but empty shells.

I don't think it's a coincidence that AI comes out of a society that devalues humanity to the point where a troubling portion of the population suffers marginalization, mental disorder, and/or feels existentially empty. Many of the arguments I've heard from AI proponents about how it can improve life sound to me like they're actually going to accelerate spiritual starvation.

Existential concerns are serious enough, before we even get to the environmental concerns. For me, environment is the biggest reason to be suspicious of AI and its true cost. I think too many people are unaware of the environmental impact of computing and networking in general, let alone running AI systems. I recently read about how much energy it takes to store all the forgotten chats, memes, and posts on social media. AI ramps up carbon emissions dramatically and wastes an already dwindling supply of fresh water.

Can we really afford a mass experiment with AI at a time when we are already hurtling toward climate catastrophe? When you think about how much AI is used for trivial entertainment or pointless busywork, it doesn't seem worth the environmental cost. I care about this enough that I try to reduce my digital footprint. But I'm just one person and most of the population is trending the other way.

With respect to integrating AI into personal life or everyday living, I struggle to see the value, often because those who might benefit the most are the ones who don't have access. Yes, I've seen some people have success with using AI to plan and organize, but I also always secretly wonder at how their life got to the point of needing that much outside help. Sure, AI may help with certain disadvantages such as learning or physical disabilities, but this segment of the population is usually the last to reap the benefits of technology.

More often than not, I see people using AI to lie, cheat, steal, and protect their own privilege. It's particularly sad for me to see people lying to themselves, e.g., believing that they're smart for using AI when they're actually making themselves stupider, or thinking that an AI companion can replace real human relationship.

I continue to believe that releasing AI into the wild, without developing proper safeguards, was the biggest mistake made so far. The revolts at OpenAI prove, once again, that companies cannot be trusted to regulate themselves. Tech companies need a constant stream of data to feed the beast and they're willing to sacrifice our well-being to do it. It seems the only thing we can do as individuals is stop offering up our data, but that's not going to happen en masse.

Even though you're aware of these issues, I want to mention them for those who aren't, and for the sake of emphasizing just how important it is to regulate AI and limit its use to the things that are most likely to produce a benefit to humanity, in terms of actually improving quality of human life in concrete terms.

In my opinion, the most worthwhile place to use AI is medicine and medical research. For example, aggregating and analyzing information for doctors, assisting surgeons with difficult procedures, and coming up with new possibilities for vaccines, treatments, and cures is where I'd like to see AI shine. I'd also love to see AI applied to:

scientific research, to help scientists sort, manage, and process huge amounts of information

educational resources, to help learners find quality information more efficiently, rather than feeding them misinformation

engineering and design, to build more sustainable infrastructure

space exploration, to find better ways of traveling through space or surviving on other planets

statistical analysis, to help policymakers take a more objective look at whether solutions are actually working as intended, as opposed to being blinded by wishful thinking, bias, hubris, or ideology (I recognize this point is controversial since AI can be biased as well)

Even though you work in the field, you're still only one person, so you don't have that much more power than anyone else to change its direction. There's no putting the worms back in the can at this point. I agree with you that, for the sake of your well-being, staying in the field means choosing your work carefully. However, if you want to work for an organization that doesn't sacrifice people at the altar of profit, it might be slim pickings and the pay might not be great. Staying true to your values can be costly too.

[lost-inanotherlife]

Hey. . .so you said when you were doing that post on performing in Dharmaville that you had a thing on Kate performing. . .I don’t want to be annoying and rush your thought process or be that guy who’s like “GIVE ME UPDATE!” but is it coming? Kate’s my favorite character and I jump at the chance to read an analysis on her. Thanks for reading!

Hello Anon! Thank you for the question, it's so nice to read that, not only do you like Kate, but that you've also been waiting for some new meta about her! I mainly write meta about LOST (and other shows) for my own enjoyment but knowing that there's at least one person (dare I say even a couple of them) that also enjoy my meta makes me want to write meta even more (I tend to write quite long essays that don't exactly do great numbers on here so, at times, I'm ngl, it does feel like I'm screaming into the void).

I'll give you the tl;dr version but I'll also provide some more context by explaining a bit of my thought/writing process and why I'm invested in Kate as a character so much (the whole series about performativity in Dharmaville actually started with my analysis of "I Do", a Kate-centric episode, I'll explain what I mean in a second).

So the tl;dr version is: bad news! The post about Juliet's and Kate's performativity has been postponed; good news! I'll finally post my analysis of the last two acts of "I Do" (and the meta I've promised about "316" for the ones who are interested); better news! this will take less time because, tbh, the analysis is already done, I just couldn't be bothered to transcribe it from my notes to my laptop (I handwrite notes on my precious black notebook as I watch an episode that I want to analyse, it helps me with the ten-thousands ideas that hit my convoluted brain every fucking time I watch LOST); and, finally, the best news! this means that there will be MORE meta about Kate Austen on this blog for you to read! YAY!

Now, the long version:

The main reason why I stopped in my tracks when I was writing my thing about Juliet and Kate vs performativity (as you can read here) was because of Ben Linus (it's always his fault, isn't it? lol). I felt like, by not taking him into account, I was sort of completely missing the point of my whole analysis. In other words, I thought I had to start over and re-think the whole premise of my "What's on the TV ?" series of which Kate is part of.

And then I was like: no, I don't! I can just write what I have in mind and the beautiful thing is that I can then write some MORE stuff on top of that and ADD new characters to the performativity meta mix. I don't have to write The One, True and Only Essay about performativity in LOST, I really don't, lol. That was just my mind playing tricks on me.

So I stopped writing and started thinking about why this topic intrigues me so much and the reason is HER. It's because I'm intrigued by Kate Austen and the very episode where she literally puts on a fucking wig and a whole other persona in order to marry a fucking cop is, surprise! surprise!, exactly that one episode I had started writing a whole long ass meta about. This is why I've decided to finally finish that first project of mine so that, by the time I'll finish the more Juliet-centric project, I'll already have some solid base from which I can build on and you guys can have actual, more or less coherently written references in order to understand wtf I'm rambling about.

I've realized how, to me, everything started with Kate and I don't want to lose the focus on her. I'd like to write a trilogy about her, three metas about "What Kate Did", "I Do" and "What Kate Does". The thing is... The reason why I started writing LOST meta was because I fucking hate the vast majority of other people's takes on her. I absolutely despise being One of Those People who are like "You just don't get X blorbo like EEEYEE do" and I surely don't think that EYEEE get Kate Austen more than other people do. I just want to give her character some fucking CREDIT.

If you follow my blog then you'll know that I'm very much aware of how the writers have fucked Kate's character up for Jack and Sawyer's "arcs". I'm very much aware of the sexism and the misogyny in the show. Hell, I'm, like, super vocal about my dislike for the love triangle and will never shut up about it.

But why it's always Kate, and only Kate, that takes the brunt of all this? Why is she a "badly written" character? Is this even true??? I maintain that from S1 to S3 Kate is actually a pretty great, solid character given all the above circumstances.

Yes, she's introduced as a love interest and that sucks. Yes, she's involved in a love triangle that even the writers didn't really like all that much by looking at how they fucking wrote it. Yes, by S5 her character has lost some of her initial "brilliance". This can be true and co-exist with the fact that she's a great chracter that could've been so much more. She has potential and I want to explore that instead of shitting on her because her character was written through sexist lens. Like, can't you see the contradiction???

As far as I'm concerned my goal with my meta is to show people that, just like with any other LOST character, Kate's biggest theme is... HOME!!! (which she blew up, ooopsieee). These are literally characters who are LOST and are looking for a way HOME (enter Michael Giacchino's "There is No Place like Home" for dramatic effect). But what is HOME?

In "I Do" Kate's "playing house" with Kevin just like Juliet thinks she was "playing house" with Sawyer. Unlike Juliet (more or less), Kate fails quite bad every time she tries. So why does she fail? I think there are two main reasons: 1. the show makes a point of showing us that women are expected to be beautiful housewives and almost all of them are deeply unhappy about it; 2. Kate's got unresolved trauma with her father(s), sure, but I think that her biggest trauma is the one related to her mother. In a way, in S4 she ends up like her stepfather by entering a family (Claire's and Jack's) that's not her own, but also like her mother, i.e. she gets emotionally attached to an alcoholic who's not really there for her and her kid. And the tragedy of it all is that, just like her mother couldn't leave her abusive husband because she loved him, Kate can't quit Jack (NOT saying Jack is abusive, just saying that there are some quite clear parallels between Diane and Wayne and Kate and Jack).

Like, all the S5 bullshit about Kate wanting to go back to the island for Claire is revealed to be bullshit when Kate tells Jack that she had angry sex with him and told him to never ask her about Aaron because... she was angry with him for making her come back to the island. Let's reiterate this: Kate thinks that Jack made her come back to the island. I think this is only partly true: yes, Jack has great influence over Kate but Kate has also shown that she does what she wants. Most of the time what she wants is... to be protective of Jack, in her own weird way. Between the two the "damsel in distress" is Jack, not Kate. Since they first met, Kate has taken upon herself the task of being the Protector of (one of the) Protector(s) of the Island. So if Jack goes to the island she can't but go there as well. Because she thinks she simply has to. So, yes, in a twisted way, Jack does make Kate go back to the island. But it's not because Jack told her to or forced her in some capacity. It's just because Jack decided to go and she couldn't change his mind. There's a huuuuge difference.

They fumbled Kate's character in S5 because the only two reasons they could come up with for Kate to go back to the island were a man and... motherhood. I think you can see how extremely bad this looks from a feminist perspective. They went for a little bit of both and this choice was just plain wrong. To me.

Incidentally, this is also why Jate is so appealing to me. The way I see it (and this way is through a close-reading of Kate-centric episodes not because I fancy so), Kate sees "home" in Jack. But the "home" that Kate sees in Jack is not a sort of "I can fix him, let's get marry and be happy forever and ever". No, I think she believes she can "fix" herself through Jack (this is established in "What Kate Did"). While Jack is the "Good Hero who Wants to Break Bad", Kate is the "Bad Girl who Wants to Be the Good Hero". Funnily enough, she's not really a "Bad Girl" but she is a "Good Girl who Does Very Bad Things". The show treats this as a contradiction in terms but is it really? It doesn't seem to be the case for other male characters.

This is why, I think, there are so many episodes about Kate Doing Stuff. Agency is never really denied to Kate, she's never a Sexy Lamp, she's never only Jack's love interest. She's so much more. AND YET... her arc is NOT the focus of the show. The main arc of the show is Jack's and we can't change that, it is a fact. Like it's a fact that Kate is his love interest. But I argue that she's more than that and I can fucking prove it.

Okay I'll stop here, thank you all for coming to my rant my TED Talk.

Thanks anon for the ask, hope you'll enjoy my future meta :3

[lagunaseca2013]

something about luca, grown up beloved and cossetted by vr in childhood and being god's most perfect butch and pecco, the surrogate daughter who probably had an anxiety attack the first time she forgot to shave her armpits....

GOD i could talk about this forever anon thanks for asking!!!! okay the thing about luca in this universe is that it’s not really a straightforward journey for her! she has long hair in the first chapter of lesbian triangulation and she doesn’t cut it until the second! she’s the best at makeup and girl-stuff etc even though she’s the least likely to wear a dress or get dolled up! i wrote her this way for a variety of reasons—i think luca is ruthlessly practical about things like image and appearance (see article where he said if i couldn’t race i’d be a model bc it’d be a shame to waste this beautiful face), and also the right kind of meticulously detail-oriented to get good at liquid eyeliner and plucking brows and glueing lashes.

i think she’s also just pretty good at playing the game socially? in a way? luca is super self aware about you know. not seeming too gay to appeal to sponsors, while also kind of having the freedom to look and act however she wants by virtue of being vale/the academy’s beloved princess. also she actually sort of has a straight girl friend group from childhood/school that she hangs out with on occasion. her straight girl best friend is marta!

also the caveat here is that actually pecco and luca both got harassed a lot in the lower categories (nepo allegations and motorsports-typical violent misogyny) despite sort of having vale’s protection. like. obviously luca especially gets to throw the brother card around however she likes, and she doesn’t usually rise to the bait when boys are being gross or mean but um. as per @telecommunikate and my dms, there’s at least one incident where she does punch a guy for saying something to or about pecco. lol.

pecco on the other hand……..well i’ve practically written essays on both of their body hair in this fic but. yeah. just know she gets a full brazilian the recommended every six weeks. and gives herself razor burn trying to do her pits all the time. growing up pecco was actually the more visibly queer presenting of the two. she had a self-proclaimed “embarrassing tomboy phase” around puberty that resulted in a terrible haircut (think real life cherubic curly halo baby pecco) and is the reason why carola calls her “my baby brother” to this day. pecco’s gender stuff is actually kind of the most complex out of the three of them, like. there definitely SOMETHING there, but she really really doesn’t want to examine it.

at some point during her teenage years/early early twenties she fainted after training bc she was wearing three sports bras on top of each other. and regularly did it. and luca (who only wears one sports bra or none at all bc ibtc) tried to be like. do u need a binder. or a breast reduction. but pecco didn’t want to hear it. sorry to give you big naturals girl it was just too fitting……..by the time of lesbian triangulation she’s definitely pretty femme, loooong curls that she barely knows how to cope with, wears dresses on dates with her horrible boyfriend, has an IUD……..so on and so forth. (she stops waxing eventually though like there’s HOPE).

vale doesn’t care that luca is a lesbian and they had a brief conversation about it when she was a teenager (where he, in his own insane way, showed concern by asking her if she was okay with sharing pecco with bez….a lot to unpack there i know) and then never spoke of again. but he’s supportive! when stefania finds out she cut her beautiful long blonde hair off and picks a fight about it vale is on her side! he took her to get her nose pierced when she turned eighteen! the whole academy knows she’s gay and are supportive and not weird about it! it’s all very sweet.

vale and pecco’s relationship in this universe is. complicated. for one thing i insist that they act exactly the way the do in this universe. see here. and obviously that’s like. it’s takes a really different tone when pecco is his beloved girl champion w the crazy inappropriate age gap LMAO. and it’s emphatically NOT WEIRD between them (vale would not come between his baby sister and her girl……..and her bez……..). but everyone thinks it is……..and the way they act is incredibly compelling evidence unfortunately! even after winning three championships pecco can’t really escape the comments about her relationship w vale which sucks but i think is probably. accurate to how this would work if pecco was a girl. lol.

[stanleyvampire14]

First LOTF anniversary thingy (idk what to call it)

Wooo lets go mini essay time—

Ok so! First thing! I did NOT want to read this book because I HATE forced reading in English class! However! We had an audiobook and it was cool so I said “Hey, maybe there’s other people that like this the way I do.” And Tumblr is, just that!

Also I joined in the dead middle of LOTFtober so uh there’s that. I was like “Wait there’s people DRAWING shit from this book? THEY’RE SO GOOD????”

Uhhh shoutout to Simorys and those people that made LOTF animatics on YouTube, gotta be my favorite way of getting into a fandom (I remember watching Simorys tiktoks like “hehe funny kids- oh shit Simon :(“)

GIGANTIC SHOUTOUT TO SNOW (@lord-of-the-bundle-of-sticks) MY ART FRIEND AND FELLOW LOTF ENJOYER EVEN THOUGH NEITHER OF US HAS REALLY INTERACTED WITH THE BOOK TO MY KNOWLEDGE FOR A WHILE. GREAT FRIEND. WOULD 100% THROW HIM INTO THE SUN. /pos also technically a reference to like our first interaction (RIP Simon and his broken limbs)

Would say a bunch of LOTF artists names on here but there’s too many- However! Yall are cool! I like the different ways you draw the characters and like the little headcanons yall bring to the table. Such silly guys.

Vic.

Shoutout to Teddy and Ana for carrying the LOTF fandom your backs must be hurting 🫡 you guys are awesome!

Let us not forget this goober @the-heart-anon1, please for the love of everything do NOT leave we need you in this fandom it’s a mess 😭 We love heart anon 🔥🔥🔥🔥

All in all, despite the occasional fights and ship wars (which is…What a fandom does), we all get along somehow for the most part and I enjoy that quite a lot. Go lotfers!

I’m NEVER saying that again.

Oh yeah I forgot about my silly ocs- Thank you guys for indulging in Ryder, Mary, John, etc’s stories, it’s really nice to see people like them????? Will return to that one day, I miss Altair Sterling :( Post Ryder Altair my beloved <3

Alrighty, I think that’s all, thanks for reading this very jumbled mess of a post! ^_^

First Ryder drawing just because I wanted to put a picture—

[twst-hottest-takes]

People hate king of dawn, when we only know about his regret thanks to Lilia's dream, but only that, we don't know more about him , we don't know how it all really happened, I mention again Everything about the war is in Lilia's dream, You can't hate someone just because you see them through someone else's eyes,

[And I'm not saying you can't hate Dawn of the Knights, I'm just saying that as such, everything about him was very wasted.]

Please. Do. Not. SPAM. The. Askbox.

I never want to see the notifications looking like this again.

Because I suspect the following post contains multiple takes from the same source over a very short period of time, I will not be adding them to the blog as individual answers. Instead they will all be answered en masse as I recollect myself to try and get back to the other entries that also unfortunately came in yesterday that I am fairly certain are all from different people.

FIRST: (Addressing the above take this post is responding to)

Yeah, the Knight of Dawn is only shown from Lilia's perspective which can fall into unreliable narrator territory, so who can really say what the guy was like other than the one memory where he lets Lilia, Baur, and the egg go. Lilia might not have even seen the guy outside of that incident so who can say how his memories put together his character. The dream narrative muddles everything in regards to that history.

SECOND:

This is a personal statement from Anon. I have nothing to add here because we talk about missed opportunities around here a lot.

THIRD: (A different subject, so perhaps a different Anon)

If you think it doesn't make sense for Yuu to be feminine in appearance, then that's your opinion and you are allowed to have it. Much of the fandom believes in the self-insert powers given to them as the MC so "Yuu" can technically be whatever they want it to be and can come up with whatever justification they want to because that's the point of leaving the character as a blank slate. No, it's no inherently misogynistic to say that female presenting Yuus don't mesh with how you view the idea of NRC, but they are validated by the concept of the game and story. It is a fantasy and a very malleable one at that.

FOURTH: (Back to form)

More missed opportunities. They could have done a lot more in favor of exploring all of the various relationships between the four main Diasomnia students, but they focused more on Silver and Malleus' conflict at the end and how it mirrors their parents as opposed to how it affected them personally.

FIFTH: (SPOILER WARNING)

Okay. [END]

I am slightly sorry for anyone who was not in fact sending multiple asks into my inbox within minutes of each other and just happened to get caught up in this mess. For future reference, if you have several entries you want to make to this blog please wait AT LEAST A DAY between sending them in. I try to get to everything in the ask box within reason, but at this point it got unreasonable. I appreciate the enthusiasm and the desire to contribute to the conversations had here, but sending multiple asks in at once does in fact NOT increase your chances of getting them answered faster. In fact they may even get ignored. ALTERNATIVELY, if all of your takes have similar subject matter (such as discussing the content of Book 7 and it's finale) you can put them all into one long essay-lengthed ask so this doesn't happen. We are no stranger to long asks here. Trust me, it's okay.

Now please never send more than one in at a time again.

Thank you for your take(s).

BONUS: Definitely from a different source.

An example of the kind of stuff that doesn't get posted.

^^^ Stuff like this is rare, but will NEVER show up outside of the askbox. So if it's in there I will be deleting it because it doesn't deserve anyone's time of day.

[waltzing-rats]

MUSASHI HIGH SCHOOL HEADCANNONS

Tenga too!! Pretty Please

Wow okay! Thanks for the big ask anon!

(This is all my brain being silly mixed with my personal interpretation of the characters. If anything seems ooc i am sorry, and feel free to share your own headcannons on these two!)

High School Headcannons

Musashi ‼️

To me, he seems like the kind of person who gets along with literally everyone (especially the jocks) but has a hard time actually making close friends. I think he misses the BIC sometimes (and onigawara yoohoo)

Y’all know how in season 3 ep 1, he says he basically has no plan for high school and expects to help out at his family’s farm afterwards? Well, what if he runs into the same problem mob has in s3 and basically has an existential crisis. :)

Like. Maybe he can’t focus on academic stuff and he feels bad about it, so he pushes himself a lot in sports, to the point where people have to tell him like ‘dude you’re gonna break your bones’.

On a lighter note, i think it’d be cute if, during weekends, he and Tenga do study sessions so they can both stay afloat (and hang out more often)

Tenga helps him with essays and language subjects while Musashi helps Tenga with biology and geography :3

This is more of a self indulgent one, what if he joins the school hockey team huh. What then. C’maaahhh he’d look STELLAR in those uniforms

His guy classmates sometimes talk about the girls they’re talking to, or just general romance stuff, and he sits there like •_• i do not think this man’s love life improves

To add onto the hockey thing, I’m certain that the BIC takes him to dinner after games. It’s like a ritual

Goes for a run every day :3 he’s real stubborn about this.

This is the kinda guy who needs to be tied to his bed when he’s sick.

Oh but you know he listens in on gossip sessions. Nosy king

Tenga 🌀

He goes to that art high school but he’s still really timid about it. Like he basically only shows his art for class critique and to Musashi (:3)

I feel like he gets more and more punk in his fashion as he gets older. Spiked jackets, fingerless gloves, chunky tall boots, the whole package! I feel like, as he leaned away from the gang aesthetic, this was the next ‘rebellious’ dress style to try. (Don’t worry, the pomp stays)

He also can’t focus on academics, but it’s a bit different from Musashi. All in all, his grades are better than in middle school, but he still struggles with memorising and staying awake in class

I am a big advocate for neurodivergent Tenga, so I do think he gets overstimulated in class sometimes. Hides in the bathroom so he doesn’t snap at anyone though

Plays drums sometimes? Idk i can just see him making noise

Makes some friends, but has a hard time actually letting anyone in

Feeds the stray cats outside his block :) talks to them too (hes suuuper embarrassed about this)

He and Musashi text throughout the day :) once they both manage to emotionally open up, they just text randomly, whenever they want ( Tenga: MY SOCK GOT WET Musashi: My teacher yelled at me :/)

Y’all KNOW he doodles on the edges of his notebooks. Oh and i think he develops carpal tunnel at some point because of the constant writing and drawing, poor boy :(

He’s just a sleepy guy… he just wants to nap please let him nap on his desk don’t wake him up with your calculus just let the punk boy have his sleepy time (Anemia? Maybe he needs more sleep than other kids?)

Exercises whenever he can (sometimes he can’t bring himself to and he feels guilty about it)

[neonmetro]

Hey so just as I sent that other ask, I somewhat remembered what I wanted to include in the other one😓

The Achaeans. . .they are so beautiful, my favorite butches. When I'm in the butch lesbian contest and the Achaeans pull up/j

I want to know more about them, but specifically the man of the hour, the pretty princess and diva Achilles !!!!

I also want to know if throughout any of the stories any Corp head(s) specifically will play at least a somewhat significant role. Gosh I hate them all so much /POS /J /SILLY

I also need an excuse to get more Azazel content because. . .they are amazing !!!

(This part may or may not be straight nonsense)

I don't think I ever talked about it, but I really do love Azazel and Molochs relationship so much. There's so much I could say about their relationship. Especially towards the end when Azazel gets ready to kill Moloch. You can really feel the raw emotion. But also some contradictory? It might be me reading it all types of wrong but when I read it, it didn't really feel like Azazel was really sure if them, themselves was ready to go through with what they wanted to do and I honestly love that so much. The whole interaction made my heart heavy and I love it, when Azazel really lays in on thick to Moloch, the words used, the painful reality of it all, the shift of blame honestly I could go on and on about their relationship, but I'll stop to spare my fingers and to spare you from an essay or over analyzing. I really want to see more of those two, they are so cute and silly !!!

Also if I was collecting it right, Abaddon and Arakiel worked together or at least tolerated each other for a short amount of time. I want to know more about how they work together.

I also have to pay my respects to my absolute monarchs, Reficul and Chemosh. . .I love them so much god. . .also I snuck Peneume into my last ask but since this is more Project Martyr targeted than I expected, uh I love Peneume and they serve so hard man. . .always the cunty characters that die first smh. I know they don't have a whole lot about them, but they really are just amazing. Their design makes me just go "awww shucks your so pretty *twirls hair*" Peneume fanclub over here/SILLY

Thank you as always for putting up with my rambling soldier, I salute you🫡

-Ulysses loving anon

HELPPP hello again ulyanon. welcome back

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BUTCHES THE ACHAEANS!!! SHOUTOUT TO THEIR LESBIAN SWAG!!!!! ofc... i can tell you about achilles :) our beautiful princess <3

achilles' soul is in his heel, but usually no one even tries Thinking about hitting him there, but its also the most protected part of his body (paris only manages to kill him by gaining a direct contract of his own with apollo and partially overkilling (that guy is not built for war))

his magical girl clothing is Different from what it'd normally be.

instead of just normal flesh fabric, the flesh separates into nanomachines first before forming fabric. it definitely doesn't feel like fabric, but resembles it. like those 3d printed shit yk?

and he needs constant maintanence bc his ass is so zoomy that he constantly trips and falls and they need repairs, at first it was just his parents but peleus saw that achilles latched onto this Lonely Ass Kid he has in his glorified orphanage he was like yes. i will teach you how to repair my son if he is ever hurt. and patroclus is just like 7 years old

another achilles fact, his nanomachines are able to become as fast as sound (i like song of achilles' reoccuring theme of patroclus' lyre so. adding that in.) and during his encounter with hector, he uses the river that he filled w bodies to disable him even tho hector can be as fast as the speed of light since sound travels faster in the ocean

achilles is kind of stupid bitch. i'm not going to lie. patroclus admires his effortless beauty and finds his stubbornness endearing but also it is ultimately achilles' downfall. he's incredibly immature (refuses to do anything he doesn't want to do, insults everyone, etc) when he isn't entirely anti-social but also he is literally only 15 and even when he's 25 by the time the human urge to kill everything starts, he's still a child soldier to prevent his best friend and partner from risking his own life

i am changing how achilles got into the war to begin with, but if it were following more like the original, ulydio probably would've blackmailed him by saying he was a coward rather than the fact that he was wearing a dress (because frankly they are all serving too much cunt to be saying shit from ancient greece)

in novaturi, agamemnon directly threatens patroclus' life to make achilles spiral into blanket mode and refuse to fight and him letting patroclus fight in his place is just him being so wrapped up in his anger rather than the whole briseis situation (which. you know was the whole point why he started fighting... but he got so wrapped up in his own anger and the audacity of agamemnon to realize that).

briseis is just a hostage and achilles was trying to reason with agamemnon after his own hostage and spoils of war were stolen

patroclus was also the only one contracted to fight, but achilles took his place instead, and patroclus ended up being a repair guy for the achaeans' weapons and achilles

i'll also emphasize how thesis is NOT against patroachilles like in a certain book (i do take a lot of elements of their relationship/inspo from that book but i generally do not like how miller portrays women). she loves her son very much and just has her son's best interest in mind, and if even if he decides to pick some soggy wet loser that's his choice not her's

the corpheads will!! currently trying to make sure all the corpheads will have at least some spotlight but it's a tad difficult considering there are 12 of them and 4 stories so some Will seep out in the cracks and i haven't really started revamping PO's story

aishire and ulysses are the main focus of THUTKE, but aishire is a major background factor of machina mortem

veraswamy plays a somewhat prolific role in aishire's side of THUTKE

dante is featured in the last chapter of apocalypse equos and the last arc of pink overkill

vergil is a background ish character in PO

beatrice MAY have a role in AE

i'm considering giving lancelot a side story in THUTKE? but may have a minor role in PO unsure

estouls has a minor role in apocalypse equos (they haven't been incorporated yet, but i've been thinking of doing so for a bit. maybe on the recruiters' side bc telemachus is currently on the verge of being sacked)

ilya has a minor role in MM, might also have one in AE and PO

junius may have a role in MM as set design. unsure

beowulf might have a role in AE

as mentioned earlier, uly is the main main focus of THUTKE but might have a minor role in 2 other stories as a background character (AE for telemachus, PO intervening and collecting a horsemen. who knows)

YESSS....!!! YOU GET IT !!!!! azazel is absolutely conflicted about killing everything about their life and they have to reassure themselves that this IS the correct choice to get what they want. they've essentially deluded themselves into thinking that they have to destroy everything about themselves before rebuilding themselves, but ultimately azazel does not have the stomach to kill people they used to like.

abaddon and arakiel are parallels to azazel and moloch, though if it were a little bit more fucked. they work together but only tolerating one another while pursuing their own goals. abaddon originally found arakiel already on the verge of death on a vagabond site, and basically gave them an ultimatum to help them do their dirty work and they won't kill them (a slight twist on azazel and moloch's introduction, except azazel never made it clear to moloch that they had bad intentions)

abaddon's already a husk of who they used to be, and they don't even want to live, they just want to survive the killing game in order to later kill aishire. everyone that they kill is just practice on how they could manipulate their way into killing aishire. arakiel is blind to abaddon's own manipulation of them, fully convinced that abaddon is literally not a threat because of how, to put it bluntly, dead abaddon is. arakiel is much more sure of their identity and believes their world view is absolute, but is ultimately betrayed by abaddon, unable to complete any of their goals. abaddon has little to no regard of who they discard or kill. abaddon and arakiel are kind of like bad ends to azazel and moloch, unafraid to cross the line and desecrate memories.

i think its fun to throw in parallels for characters :) they run into each other a lot once moloch is awake

i love them so much too bro.... their designs are my favs they're just so pretty

it makes a bit more sense in story but the first five members of project martyr (+ michael) were woken up first during the killing game and were quarantined together to get the ball rolling and prevent the show from being two short so they had . a lot more extra time to be traumatized together

reficul has a weird ass relationship with the dead wife and is kind of considering divorce but also is afraid to lose genesis a second time. chemosh is just kind of haunted by everything and wishes to isolate themselves and create a safe space for themselves.

(like one joke audio clip and one batman video has spiraled into me making reficul and genesis kind of crazy radioactive yxxi)

peneume the lawyer you are..........