#also i had to finnish this it s been sitting for some time as a wip 🤭

[shrimparts-blog888]

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[thenerdykneazle]

Kindred Spirits - Chapter 2

Chapter 1. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5.

Read on AO3.

Auror Sebastian Sallow x Auror F!MC

Warnings: 18+, explicit sexual content, aged-up characters, both characters have sex with other people during the story, anger/revenge, toxic relationship, I do not speak Finnish or really know anything about Finland

Word Count: 6118

Chapter 2: Suppressed Emotions

MC emerged from the lavatory alongside Sofia not only fearing being kicked out of the programme but also losing her job back home. Abbott had recommended her highly, and MC had made a fool of herself.

Her mood was not improved when she saw Sebastian heading for her from down the corridor. “There you are!” he said. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

MC shoved down her indignation that he felt entitled to her whereabouts. “Well, you found me,” she said tersely.

He glanced nervously at Sofia before continuing. “Teräväinen wants a chat with the two of us,” he said. “Now.”

“Brilliant,” MC said sarcastically.

Sofia gave her a reassuring pat on the back, but her eyes looked as worried as MC felt.

MC followed Sebastian back the way he had come from. “Look, I–” he started.

“Don’t,” MC said sharply. “The one perk of the fact that I’m about to be kicked out of the programme is that I won’t have to talk to you.”

“You won’t get kicked out,” Sebastian assured her.

MC scoffed. “Right.”

“Just…let me do the talking,” he said.

MC eyed him warily. He noticed and rolled his eyes.

“I’ve always been good at getting out of trouble, haven’t I?” he said.

MC couldn’t argue with him there. “Yes, you’ve always been quite adept at manipulating those around you.”

Sebastian had no time to retort as they arrived at a marked office door. Teräväinen’s. The administrative assistant sat at a desk outside of it let them in. Teräväinen sat behind his desk. Jari was at one of three chairs in front of it. Both of them looked disapprovingly at the Brits as they entered.

“Sit,” Teräväinen ordered.

They quickly obeyed.

“I was quite surprised to hear two of my trainees had a row in the cafeteria,” Jari said coldly as he leaned back in his chair. “Care to explain?”

“It was my fault, Sir,” Sebastian said quickly.

MC was stunned into silence.

“Conflict rarely arises one-sided,” Jari said firmly.

“Yes, but, in this case, it did,” Sebastian insisted. “You see, I…I grabbed MC’s arse.”

MC tried to keep her face neutral, but she was as shocked by the explanation as the two higher-ups were.

“That is absolutely unacceptable behaviour, Sallow!” Teräväinen said, clearly livid.

Sebastian hung his head. “I know. I’m sorry, Sir,” he replied.

“It’s not quite as bad as it sounds,” MC interjected, causing all three men to turn to her with incredulous expressions. “It was a bit of an inside joke at school. I just didn’t recognize Sebastian at first. By the time I did, everyone was staring. It was all rather mortifying, so I ran.”

They gaped at her as they processed the information.

“I know you’re young, Sallow, but I don’t tolerate schoolboy antics in my department,” Teräväinen said sternly. “As he’s your instructor, I will leave your punishment in Jari’s hands.”

“You can learn to take this programme seriously as you clean the training room each night. Top to bottom. And without magic,” Jari said.

Sebastian nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

“I don’t know how things work over in Britain, but we expect you to act professionally in more than just how you address us, Sallow,” Jari continued. “So, if you ever pull something like this again, you will be fired. Immediately.”

“Understood, Sir,” Sebastian replied. “You won’t have to worry about me.”

“We’d better not,” Teräväinen said. “You’re both dismissed.”

They left before anyone could change their mind. Once they were out of earshot of the secretary, Sebastian spoke. “That was some quick thinking back there,” he said, seemingly impressed.

“Well, I’ve learned not to let myself fall into your debt,” MC replied acridly.

Sebastian pressed his lips together in a thin line. He stopped walking as the corridor ended in a T. As she turned the corner without him, she was glad for the reprieve. She didn’t want to walk all the way back with him.

“Where are you going?” he called.

MC spun around to see him watching her with a confused expression on his face. “To the conference room,” she replied irritably.

He chuckled, irritating her further. “First of all,” he said, “the conference room is that way.” He pointed the opposite direction than she had been headed. She flushed with embarrassment. “And second of all, we’re done for the day. Jari gave everyone the afternoon to get settled in.”

MC had almost forgotten about her accommodations. She had no idea how to ask for another place to stay without exposing that she and Sebastian had lied about the reason for their tiff.

Sebastian gestured with his head toward the exit. “Come on, then,” he said.

MC gritted her teeth before following the former Slytherin out of the building. They emerged onto a busy city street. The cold wind was biting on her exposed face. Sebastian led her to the alleyway nearby. He held out a hand, and she scoffed at it.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I’m not walking all the way to my flat,” he said. “You don’t even have a cloak on.”

“Fine,” she said bitterly before taking the outstretched hand.

Almost immediately, Sebastian apparated them into his flat.

MC ripped her hand out of Sebastian’s as soon as they arrived. He hung his cloak on a hook by the door. He looked a bit nervous as she surveyed the space.

“It’s, uh, it’s not much…but it’s home,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke.

“Your home. My prison,” MC replied. Even she could admit that the assertion was a bit dramatic, though.

Sebastian sighed. “Why are you intent on making this as difficult as possible?” he asked, frustrated.

MC crossed her arms indignantly as she glared at him. “I’m making it difficult?”

“I don’t see why you’re being so tetchy,” he groused as he rolled his eyes.

His flippant attitude was infuriating, and she could see in his eyes that he regretted the words immediately when he noted her simmering rage.

“I just mean that you’re the one who broke up with me,” he said, trying to explain himself. “I didn’t think you’d be so angry about it.”

He wasn’t helping his case.

MC scoffed. “You act like you’re some innocent victim! As if I just fell out of love with you and broke your heart! I told you I couldn’t tolerate the dark magic anymore. You knew I was applying to be an auror. I couldn’t spend my life arresting dark wizards during the day and then going home and sleeping next to one at night. You made a choice.”

Sebastian winced at her words. “Well, so did you,” he argued.

“And I stand by it,” she bit out. “Not that you would know anything about that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, growing angrier.

“That you abandoned us! All three of us!” she said. “And for what, Sebastian? To feel special using your precious founder’s evil spells?”

His face flushed with rage. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!”

“Well, you’ve had years to explain yourself, haven’t you?” she shot back.

“Ugh! You’re so ignorant!” he said, exasperated. “I don’t know why I bothered asking Jari to let you stay with me.”

MC gaped at him. “This was your idea?”

“Yes, so make yourself comfortable,” he said bitterly as he pulled his cloak back on. “I’m going for a walk.”

Without another word, Sebastian left the flat, slamming the door shut behind him.

“I thought you didn’t want to walk,” MC grumbled even though she was sure he couldn’t hear her.

She found the newly-added spare bedroom. Her trunk was already inside. She popped into the adjoining loo for an overdo wee before she set to unpacking her things. She did it without magic and as slowly as possible. She had no interest in leaving the room the rest of the day, especially when she heard Sebastian return an hour later.

To her dismay, he immediately knocked on her door.

“MC?” he asked gently. “Are you in there?”

She rolled her eyes. She was hardly up for another row, which any conversation with him was sure to devolve into.

“Well, if you are, I brought you a kotzone,” he said. “I thought you might be hungry, since you didn’t get a chance to eat your lunch. I’ll leave it here.”

MC heard his footsteps retreat followed by the door to his room opening and shutting. Still, she stayed where she was, sitting on the bed. Whatever a kotzone was, she was determined to let it sit and rot in front of that door. Or, at least, she was until her stomach gave a loud growl.

She sighed and padded across the room. She opened the door slowly, prepared to slam it shut again if she spotted Sebastian in the hallway. As the door creaked open, she spotted a plastic takeaway bag hanging off the outer doorknob. She snatched it up before retreating back inside.

It turned out that a kotzone was a sort of mix between a calzone and a kebab. And it was heavenly. MC devoured the sandwich before vowing to herself that she would never admit how good it was to her insufferable host. Having had an exhausting day already and now possessing a full belly, MC proceeded to take a nap. She justified the decision since the sun was already setting, anyway. As she drifted off, she had a vague hope that she would awake to discover the entire day had merely been a terrible dream.

MC woke up two full hours later. She clicked on the lamp to illuminate the almost pitch-black room. It was ten after five according to the clock on the bedside table. She was feeling well-rested but also disappointed to see that she was, indeed, in Sebastian’s flat in Helsinki. It was dark outside. Abbott’s file had warned her that the days were several hours shorter there. The sun wouldn’t reappear until 9 the next morning.

MC crept to the door and listened for movement. Hearing nothing, she opened the door. The hallway was dark. The only light it in it was what was spilling out from her room. She found a note stuck to the door.

I moved your dinner to the fridge so it didn’t spoil.

MC found herself surprisingly peckish given the recent meal. Before she could make her way to the kitchen, Sebastian’s door opened. He flicked on the hall light, nearly blinding her.

“Oh!” he said in surprise. “Well, aren’t you an early riser? Isn’t it three in the morning for you right now?”

MC squinted at him dimly for a long moment before it clicked that she had not slept for two hours. She’d slept for fourteen.

“Still not a morning person, I see,” he said with a chuckle as he leaned against his door frame.

“Don’t do that,” MC replied irritably.

“Do what?” he asked, seeming genuinely confused but still smiling.

“Pretend we’re friends. We’re not,” she said, putting a hand up on her cocked hip.

His face fell. “I just thought if we’re living together for the next two weeks, it’d be best to try to get along,” he said quietly.

MC rolled her eyes. “We’re only living together because you asked for us to,” she reminded him.

He sighed. “Well, there’s not much I can do about it now,” he said, growing irritated. “If you really hate me that much, then just go home.”

She scoffed at him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Well, I am,” he said. He pushed off the door frame and started walking down the hallway. “I’m going for a run.”

“Aren’t we starting with physical training every morning at the headquarters?” MC asked.

Sebastian turned back to face her. “So, I’m not allowed to exercise outside of that?” he asked, arching a brow at her.

MC couldn’t help but think his new regime would explain how he had gained so much muscle since she’d last seen him. His current attire highlighted the difference. He wore tight leggings under running shorts and had thrown on a gilet over a long-sleeved thermal that clung to his arms like a second skin.

She forced her eyes back to Sebastian’s face, and he was still observing her with a raised brow.

“You can do what you like. It makes no difference to me,” she replied coolly.

“Well, thank you for your permission to live my life,” he said sarcastically.

Sebastian grabbed a knit cap and some gloves on his way out the door, which swung shut heavily behind him.

Having the flat to herself, MC made her way to the kitchen. She opened the fridge to find something to make for breakfast as she was starving. She leaned her weight on an arm propped on top of the fridge door as she browsed. On the middle shelf, she spotted a plate wrapped in cellophane. She pulled it out to inspect the dish. It was chicken, broccoli, and potatoes. She was surprised Sebastian had cooked for her. She had assumed when she saw the note that he had picked up more takeaway.

MC set the plate back in the fridge as an uncomfortable pit settled in her stomach. Memories flashed through her mind of the brunet laughing as he flitted about the kitchen in Feldcroft when they’d go visit Anne. She thought of how he would shoo the three of them out of the space when he was cooking – though, she could always persuade him to let her stay when she snuggled up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her cheek on his shoulder. He would then let her perch on the counter to observe his culinary skills – as long as she didn’t try to touch anything.

She recalled him dipping his finger into a bowl of cream and wiping it onto her cheek when she had tried to sneak some extra vegetables into the stew he’d been making. She had scowled at him as the slimy liquid dripped down her cheek. Then, she had burst into giggles when he gave her a mischievous grin and licked her skin clean with a broad swipe of his tongue.

“Good as new!” he had joked.

“Gee, thanks, Seb,” she replied wryly.

MC pulled a carton of milk out of the fridge before closing it. She made scrambled eggs and toast with jam. She left a second plate of the food on the counter before returning to her bedroom to get dressed in her usual training robes.

Around half 6, she heard Sebastian come home and hop in the shower. She utilised the opportunity to leave for the Aurori Headquarters.

MC knocked on his door. “I’m heading out!” she called loudly so he could hear.

The shower cut off. “You sure you don’t want to wait for me? I’ll be out in just a minute,” he called back.

“No, it’s fine!” she insisted, already headed back down the hallway.

She promptly donned her cloak and apparated to the alleyway outside the boring grey building. It took her a bit of time and asking for directions from multiple people, but she made it to the training room. She warmed up her muscles as the rest of the group filed in. By 8, everyone was there.

They lined up as Jari entered the room. MC felt a bit awkward as she stood next to Sofia, who had heard her bawling in a bathroom stall less than 24 hours ago. Sofia had given her a tight, sympathetic smile when she entered the room. It was a gesture of support, but it made MC feel like an idiot. She could only hope no one else had seen or heard about her emotional outburst.

“All right!” Jari said, clapping his hands together. “To start, I want to see what you all know already. We’ll test the accuracy and strength of your spells, have you display your defensive capabilities, and then put it together with some old-fashioned duelling.”

Jari had everyone take their places across from the training dummies. He explained that they would be tested on a series of spells. The dummies were enchanted to move, and their goal would be to land the designated spell in a particular part of the body that Jari called last-second. The dummies, while largely unaffected by most spells, were charmed to light up where they got hit. The trainees would be judged on both speed and accuracy.

It started out pretty standard. Expulso to the stomach. Confringo to the chest. Expelliarmus to the hand. Locomotor Mortis to the knees. Then it got a bit more interesting. A summoning charm to the feet to drag the opponent across the ground. A levitation spell to just one leg so it flips them upside-down to dangle by it. MC was doing quite well. Sofia was doing even better. Though, annoyingly, Sebastian was the first to strike almost every time – and he had yet to miss.

“All right. Your spell this round is a severing charm,” Jari said.

“Oi! Niko! Give me a number, one to ten,” Sebastian said quietly.

“Four,” Niko replied, looking a bit confused.

Sebastian smirked. “Four it is,” he said.

MC rolled her eyes. She didn’t know what Sebastian was up to, but she knew him well enough to know it was something childish.

“Throat!” Jari called, and instantly the dummies started moving.

“Diffindo!” MC said at the same time Sebastian had. A quick succession of other casts rang through the training room.

MC almost growled in frustration until she saw his target’s unmarked neck.

“Sepe, any particular reason you maimed your mannequin?” Jari asked, arching a brow at him.

MC looked closer and discovered it was missing its ring finger on its left hand. The dismembered digit had rolled across the ground and lay several meters away.

“Well, sir, I didn’t think he’d miss it,” Sebastian replied. “He doesn’t seem the marrying type.”

Jari frowned at him. “Let’s see if we can’t get you to channel your energy toward the tasks I set forth,” he said sternly. “We’ll move on to strength testing.”

“It’s not my fault he doesn’t know how to set a proper challenge,” Sebastian said to Niko, looking rather pleased with himself.

“Is he also to blame that you’re an insufferable show-off?” MC snapped.

Sebastian, to her irritation, laughed in response. “You always were quite competitive,” he said.

MC just stomped away toward the other side of the room where the other trainees were gathering in preparation for the next test.

The strength test was MC’s wheelhouse. Ever since she first got her magic, it had been exceptionally powerful. She could do things with spells others couldn’t, like bouncing them between targets or hitting multiple opponents simultaneously.

They started with exploding charms. Jari conjured several layers of cinderblocks. Their goal was to break through as many layers as possible with a single cast. Patik went fist, breaking through eight layers. What he had lacked in finesse in the last test he was clearly making up for now with sheer force. Mikko tied him immediately after. Most of the others made it through five or six layers – a very respectable amount of power. Sofia – who had gotten the top score in the accuracy test after Sebastian’s little stunt lost him the title – got through seven, and MC didn’t think she’d ever had a bigger girl crush before.

MC stepped up to the line as Jari vanished the rubble and conjured new walls. She could feel the magic humming in her body and the building around her as she took a deep breath to centre herself. “Bombarda!” she said, her voice commanding without shouting. She had long-since learned that the power of a spell came from one’s will, not their volume.

The white, almost electric, bolt of magic surged from the tip of her wand and crashed through wall after wall. Eleven of the twelve walls crumbled. The lone wall left standing had a large scorch mark in the centre.

“Goddamn!” Niko said. “I didn’t think anyone could outdo Mikko and Patrik.”

“Neither did I,” Jari said, sounding impressed.

“Good to see you haven’t lost your touch,” Sebastian said, smirking at MC and souring her mood instantly.

“That is quite remarkable,” Sofia added.

MC gave her a grateful smile.

“All right, Sepe. You’re up,” Jari said.

“Could I get the objective just once more?” Sebastian asked.

Jari looked like the limits of his patience were being tested.

“I just want to make sure I’ve got it right, Sir,” Sebastian said, giving the instructor his most charming smile. It made MC want to smack it off of his face – among other things she wanted to do to him, some equally violent, some…different.

“Your objective is to blast through as many of the cinderblock walls as possible with one cast of an exploding charm,” Jari said, obviously irritated. “Are you clear on it?”

“Abundantly, Sir. Thank you,” Sebastian said brightly.

He stepped up to the line and raised his wand. He was still smirking. The pompous git.

MC had kept her fury in check, confident that there was no way in frozen Finnish hell that he was going to beat her. Then, he winked at her, and she almost hexed him on the spot.

“Bombarda!” Sebastian said.

The white jet of magic bored through the walls, blasting small holes in them without knocking them down. It crashed through all twelve walls before putting a hole in the one sealing off the conference room, too.

MC was seething. Of course, he would try some rule-bending rubbish.

Jari looked like he didn’t know whether to be impressed or furious. He released a belaboured sigh. “Yes, well, not exactly what I had in mind, but it did meet the objective as stated.”

Sebastian looked chuffed to bits.

“Moving forward, I would like to add that the goal is to bring down the walls in the process,” Jari said firmly.

“Got it,” Sebastian said, still beaming.

Niko held a fist out to Sebastian, who bumped his own against it as he walked back over.

The same setup was used for testing reductor and expulso curses, as well as banishing a large steel ball through them. Thick metal discs of increasing size were used to test levitating spells and knockback jinxes. They ended with the blasting curse, which they had to use to incinerate solid hardwood cubes. MC went uncontested with the rest of the strength challenges, and the other trainees started to whisper to each other about her.

“I didn’t realize she’d be that powerful.”

“I can see why Jari was excited to have her.”

A few others had the good sense to mumble about her in Finnish.

“It’s good to see you put confringo to use so skilfully,” Sebastian said as he sidled up next to MC. It had been a close call, but Sebastian’s last cube wasn’t charred all the way through like hers had been. “It would seem the student has surpassed the teacher.”

She raised a brow at him. “Funny. I always thought of you more as the devil on my shoulder,” she said coolly.

His genial expression faltered. “Well, I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re doing well,” he said, his voice lacking the mirth his previous comments had contained.

“Thanks,” MC said curtly, instead of what she wanted to say, which was “no thanks to you.”

Jari tested their defensive abilities within a ring lined with what functioned like muggle turrets. The contraptions could swivel and fire offensive spells at a target inside the ring. Jari demonstrated how the arena worked with a surprising display of agility. Then, the trainees look their turns. Most of them took a few hits – and Niko’s hair got a bit singed – but they all made it out in relatively good shape. Kaarina managed to avoid being hit at all.

Afterward, Jari called them all to the mats in the centre of the room. “Now it’s time to show me how you fair against some real opponents – each other,” he said. “Now, I don’t want you to hold back, but I will not tolerate underhanded behaviour. This is still training, so non-lethal force only. And nothing permanently or lastingly debilitating. I don’t think any of us want this programme dragged out longer than it needs to be. Also, it goes without saying, but I find that’s precisely when something must be said – no Unforgiveable Curses.”

He levelled them all with a firm gaze.

“Now,” he continued. “I’ve paired you up based on your marks from the last three tests. Niko, Kaarina, you’re up first.”

The lithe Finns stepped onto the mat. They took three paces apart before beginning. Niko seemed to like rapid-fire attacks. Kaarina had a much more defensive style, matching her performance in the last task. In the end, she let Niko wear himself out before she struck. She was patient – calculating, even. MC noted that she was not to be underestimated.

Mikko and Patrik were next. As the two powerhouses hurled spells at each other, everyone else slowly moved further back from the mats. They each took hard blows, and they were looking rough as the duel went on. Both men refused to yield and seemed nigh-impossible to bring down. It was like watching two dragons fight.

Finally, as the third tooth was spat out, Jari called it. “I would love to watch this play out, but, unfortunately, we have a schedule to keep,” he said. “Well done, both of you. I’ve never seen such durability.”

As the behemoths left, Henri and Sofia took their places. In contrast to the last pair, they had a great deal of finesse. Sofia had a knack for predicting her opponents’ next moves. She also seemed to like to play with her food – hitting with deadly accuracy with rather weak spells. She even threw out a few stinging jinxes. Henri landed a couple severe spells, but Sofia was the one who won out in the end.

“Death by a thousand cuts,” Jari observed. “Never a fun way to go.”

“That was brilliant!” MC said as Sofia returned to her side.

She smiled. “I always love a good duel,” she said. “I’m just sorry I didn’t get to test my mettle against you.”

MC smiled back. She was glad she had a friend to help her through the training.

“MC, Sepe. That leaves you,” Jari said.

“Jari, I wanted to clarify. You said not to hold back, but I wasn’t sure if that applied to my ancient magic,” she said.

“I’m quite eager to see that at work,” he replied. “As long as you’re not risking Sepe’s life.”

“I can handle it,” Sebastian interjected.

“Then I won’t hold back,” MC said, staring hard at his stupid, freckled face.

Sebastian smirked. “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he drawled.

MC returned the smirk, eager to wipe Sebastian’s off his face. “So, let me guess, it’s time for a proper Finnish welcome?” she teased.

Sebastian threw his head back in a laugh. “How about a proper reunion?” he offered.

“Whenever you’re ready,” MC replied.

They stood back-to-back, paced out three steps, and began. MC sent a banishing charm as soon as she turned around. Sebastian dodged it easily.

“Same old MC,” he said, amused. “Always have to be the first out of the gate.”

“Well, why learn new tricks when my old ones are so terribly effective?” she asked before sending a charred block soaring into him.

It knocked him sideways, and MC’s mouth twitched into a smile briefly.

“Incarcerous!” he said, and thick ropes sprang from his wand.

“Diffindo!” MC sliced them in half mid-air. “Stupefy!”

“Protego!”

MC’s spell ricocheted off Sebastian’s shield charm. They circled the mats, each looking for a window – a vulnerability to exploit.

“I could end this now,” MC pointed out as they kept circling.

“How sporting of you to let me play, then,” Sebastian replied light-heartedly.

She sent some basic casts his way to try to force him to slip up. He didn’t. “I do enjoy charity work.”

He sent a nonverbal blasting curse at her, which she dodged. “I’m the charity case, am I?”

MC shrugged. “I admit, you’ve put a new spin on your old tricks. Levioso!”

The spell soared past Sebastian, but it hit its intended target. A large crate rose into the air.

“Good callback,” he said. “You’ll find that doesn’t work on me much these days, though.”

“Shame,” MC replied nonchalantly. “Descendo!” She sent the spell well above his head.

Sebastian sensed he’d miscalculated just in time. He dove to the side as the box splintered where he’d been standing a moment earlier. He rolled back to his feet. “You have been learning new tricks.”

Sebastian looked elated. MC found it infuriating. She summoned a bolt of lightning down. Sebastian called out an unfamiliar incantation before aiming his wand up at the forming storm, disrupting it.

Her jaw dropped. No one had ever countered her ancient magic. “How the fuck?”

“I’ve learned new tricks, too,” Sebastian said, pulling an amulet out of his shirt with his free hand. It had a familiar sigil – one MC knew to represent ancient magic. “It’s been a working theory for some time. I’m glad I finally got to test it.”

“I didn’t realise you were so obsessed with me,” she quipped.

“You know how I love niche magic,” he replied, grinning at her. “And you’ve got a very rare gift.”

“That makes one of us,” she sneered.

There was a brief flicker of anger in his expression, marring his gleeful mask momentarily.

“Come on now, don’t be bitter that you’ve got to try to beat me using more than just special powers,” he retorted. He hurled a few spells at her, but nothing struck.

Rage bubbled up inside MC. She sent a flurry of nonverbal curses at him. Then, she used her ancient magic to throw another supply crate at him. He dodged it, and she knew he’d strike as soon as he regained his footing. She sent a disarming spell at him as he cast a blasting curse at her. She took the full impact of the fiery blast, but Sebastian didn’t have time to counter her attack, either. His wand flew out of his hand as MC was blasted backwards.

Before even getting to her feet, she levitated Sebastian.

“I guess it does still work,” she said as she stood up. Before he could reply, she smashed him into the ground. She blasted him backwards with an exploding charm before repeating the previous spells, bashing him into the mats until he looked rough enough that she thought she might get in trouble if she continued.

Sebastian lay flat on his back. He coughed as he tried to regain the air that had been knocked out of his lungs. MC walked over, looming over him.

The other trainees were talking animatedly to each other in Finnish.

“Such a bloody Gryffindor,” Sebastian panted. “Taking a blow to land one.”

With an arched brow and a tight jaw, MC extended her hand down to him. It wasn’t an olive branch. It was to save face with Jari and the rest of the trainees.

Sebastian gave her a weak smile as he took hold of the outstretched limb. “Looks like you didn’t need ancient magic to make you special,” he said good-naturedly once he was up on his feet.

MC was fed up with him pretending everything was fine – like he hadn’t burned the bridge between them and then dumped acid on the ashes. Her hatred for him was bubbling over. “Looks like you did need dark magic to be worth something,” she replied venomously, her voice low enough that only he could hear her.

Sebastian’s expression cracked. His smile dropped and his brows furrowed as he began to blink rapidly. He just stared at her for a moment before pushing past, beelining for the door to the conference room.

The excited chatter died down as the others watched Sebastian sprint out of the room.

“Well,” Jari said, clapping his hands together. He was obviously a bit thrown by Sebastian’s reaction, but he did his best to press on. “Good job this morning, everyone! I mean it when I say I’ve never had a more qualified group! I can’t wait to see what you’ll all be capable of once these two weeks are over. I’ll see you in the conference room after lunch!”

You walked next to Sofia on the way to the cafeteria. She was suspiciously quiet.

“What?” you asked. “If you think I went too hard on Sep-ay back there, you should look in a mirror. You toyed with poor Henri like a cat with a mouse.”

“Hey! I heard that!” Henri called back from the front of the group.

Sofia shook her head, still looking grave. “I…heard what you said to Sebastian,” she said, pronouncing his name the Finnish way again.

It irritated MC how adorable she found the way they said it.

“I’ve never seen him look so broken,” Sofia continued.

MC clenched her jaw. She refused to feel bad for hurting Sebastian sodding Sallow’s feelings. “Well, he broke–” she started before violently abandoning the sentence. “–my magic. And he’s a prick.”

Sofia sighed. “I know you have a right to be angry with him, but I fear what will happen to both of you if you keep letting your hatred build.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” MC said tetchily.

Sebastian didn’t show up at lunch. When he walked into the conference room just before they were to start back up, he didn’t even look at MC. She thought it was all the better. Him avoiding her for the next two weeks was the best-case scenario in her mind.

Jari walked them through some basic leadership principles – how to bring out the best in those around you and help resolve tension amongst the team. That sort of tosh. By the end of the afternoon, MC hoped she never heard the words “cohesive” or “teamwork” ever again. She was just glad he hadn’t forced them to do some rubbish exercise that would’ve forced her to interact with Sebastian.

When the meeting was over, Sebastian bolted out the door before MC could. She stayed and chatted with the other trainees about the morning’s testing just to give a safe buffer. She’d always walked faster than him, and she didn’t want to accidentally catch up. Her worry turned out to be for nothing, though, as she was alone when she arrived at the flat. It was only after that she remembered he had to stay and clean the training room.

She reheated that plate of food from the fridge and ate it in her room in case her unwanted flatmate showed up. She washed the dish before hopping in the shower. Several hours later, there was still no sign of him. She felt a bit guilty that his chores were taking him so long. MC flipped through the handbook they’d received to keep her mind off it. Then she read her notes from the day’s lesson.

Around half ten, MC heard the front door open. Then there was giggling. Lots of giggling. She could hear them move to Sebastian’s room as they bumped their way down the corridor, and MC waited for the silencing charm to cut out the noise. It never came.

There was lots of moaning and thudding around. “Oh, fuck, just like that!” a feminine voice cried out.

“Oh, gods, yes!” a decidedly different feminine voice called right after.

MC contemplated stabbing her wand through her eardrums.

“Oh, Sebastian!” one of the women – MC refused to keep track of which – keened. Suddenly, “Say-boss-tee-awn” wasn’t so adorable.

When the rhythmic thumping started against the wall, MC had already had enough. She banged on the wall three times. “Ever heard of a silencing charm?” she yelled.

The thumping stopped. The two women started jabbering in Finnish before their voices cut out. “Thank Merlin!”

MC flopped down into her bed. It was still scarring to know what was happening in the other room, but at least she didn’t have to listen to it anymore. She tried to ignore the pit that had formed in her stomach along with the sudden nausea.

“Fucking bastard,” MC muttered into her pillow before she started to shake with tears.

She was still awake two hours later when Sebastian’s guests left. She heard him walk them out before padding back to his room. MC held her breath until she heard the door click shut again.

[massivesimpfordilfs]

Konig x gn!reader

This was an implied request from a good friend. Enjoy :)

----------------------------------------

Konig was shy. He was tall, intimidating, and shy. (y/n) loved him for that. It was fun to tease him about being shy. The first time (y/n) saw him become the ruthless soldier that he truly was had them all hot and bothered. Blood smeared on his mask, breath heavy, gun smoking.

“Holy shit.” (y/n) panicked, eyes wide and turning to look at the side.

Konig didn’t notice and they proceeded on. 

“Everything good on your end?” Soap’s voice came through the comm device.

“Yep.” (y/n)’s voice cracked slightly.

They wrapped up the mission quickly and returned to base. (y/n) cleaned up in the shower, hearing everyone else in the room laughing and picking on one another. They walked out after getting dressed and bumped into someone massive. 

“Konig! Hey! Doing laundry?” They nodded towards the clump of clothes sitting in the crook of Konig’s beefy arm. 

“Mhm. Blood got all over my stuff.” He blushed. (y/n) still hadn’t registered where their face was pressed for a whole few seconds. 

“Do you need a new shirt for your next mask?” (y/n) offered. Konig blushed more, his long scruffy hair matted against his face from his own shower. 

“That’s ok. Go eat with the others, I’ll catch up.” Konig smiled. (y/n) nodded, saying bye and going to the kitchen area with the rest of the team.

“So, how was your first mission with Konig?” Soap asked (y/n).

“It was good.” (y/n) blushed, remembering seeing Konig in action. “He’s pretty skilled.”

“He’s also reckless. Our next mission isn’t just a search mission, it’s a recon. Becareful if you make contact.” Ghost warned. His food disappeared under his mask.

“Ghost, please wash that thing.” Soap sighed. The mask itself hadn’t been washed in who knows how long. It was stained and torn.

“...No.” Ghost stared at Soap for a good few minutes.

“Get a room.” (y/n) laughed. They ran off before Ghost murdered them.

Their next mission was in some desolate city. (y/n) and Konig searched the area cautiously, maintaining status with Soap. They were almost completely cleared when they were ambushed.

“Guns down, now.” (y/n) followed the order, putting his hands up but Konig didn’t.

“Konig.” (y/n) muttered to him when they noticed the guys all had their guns trained on the tall brute of a man. Konig sighed and followed along. 

“Cut the comms.” The guy who seemed in charge spoke in Russian. A guy with a knife approached Konig and slit the clear cord of his comms device, doing the same with (y/n).

“What’s your business?” The guy asked in English after the guy with the knife moved back.

“Just here for a mission, sir.” (y/n) spoke in Russian.

“Russian?” The guy asked. (y/n) could feel Konig’s eyes.

“First language.” (y/n) nodded. It actually wasn’t. They were American and the whole team knew. But they were also fluent in Russian, Polish, German and Finnish.

“Did you used to fight in the war? Division 12?” The man asked, his gun lowering.

“Yep.” (y/n) lied through their teeth.

“I knew I recognized you. Who’s the guy next to you?” He asked, signaling for everyone else to lower their guns.

“He was assigned to be my bodyguard. I sustained a severe injury my last year serving and they transferred me to a recon division. Easier work on the body, ya’know?” (y/n) cracked a smile. Konig whispered in hushed German to ask what they were doing and (y/n) just told him to play along. Konig nodded at whatever (y/n) had said.

“Ah, my bad. Thought you were the enemy.” The guy laughed. (y/n) let a nervous laugh slip. Gunfire was heard not far off and suddenly everyone was on alert again. The noise stopped quickly and footsteps were heard rushing toward the group. Soap and Ghost quickly rounded the corner, following a small soldier who was running towards the group. Ghost pulled up his gun and shot the soldier in the back, shouting at Konig to take (y/n) and run. Konig did, quickly picking up their stolen guns and rushing away. He didn’t look back but (y/n) aimed a shot at the Russian guy’s head. They grimaced but landed the hit and kept running. They eventually hid behind some buildings and waited for their commanders to catch up. 

“Are you ok?” Konig asked. (y/n) seemed to gasp for air only slightly.

“Perfect. First time hearing me speak Russian?” (y/n) smiled at Konig who nodded. It was obvious he was blushing.

After about ten minutes, Ghost found them and helped them back.

(y/n) was showering, completely spaced out. Their eyes were wide as they watched the bloody water travel down the drain.

“(y/n), you good? You’ve been in there a while.” Ghost asked, worried. When they didn’t reply, he announced his entrance into the shower stalls. (y/n) turned to face him slowly. Ghost gasped and called for Soap just as the young soldier passed out in his arms.

When (y/n) woke up, Konig was sitting over their bed with his head in his hands.

“Ugh, I feel like shit.” They sat up, holding their head.

“(y/n)!” Konig sat up quickly. “Are you alright?” He slowed down.

“Well, I got shot so not really. But I’ll be fine.” (y/n) laughed.

“How did you get shot?” Konig asked.

“I took aim at their leader and someone else aimed at me. Just lucky the guy didn’t have my aim or I’d be dead.” They laughed again.

“Stop laughing.” Konig wasn’t looking up.

“What?”

“Stop laughing. A fatal injury isn’t a joke.”

“Geez, lighten up. It’s my own pain and I cope how I want.”

Konig looked up, eyes welled with tears. “You could have died!”

(y/n) was taken aback. He looked at Konig with wide eyes as he cried. “Come here.” They opened their arms to the beefy soldier. He collapsed into them. “I’m fine. I’m not dead.”

“I know.” Konig whimpered, clutching the thin fabric of (y/n)’s shirt. “I love you too much for you to be dead.”

[engbergsinfinland]

Greetings and I hope everybody had a nice weekend. It is a totally clear and sunny Monday morning here in Tampere. When I use voice dictation sometimes to draft these posts, "Tampere" comes out as either "Tom Petty" or "Tampa Bay." That should give you some idea of how it's pronounced.

Anyway, the sun is gloriously shining, but it is definitely cold. This morning, Rowan told me that it was 1° C. But it's supposed to get up to 52° F. This week is going to be mostly free of rain, according to the forecast, so the kids should get to ride their bikes to school. Eric's bike is being stored in the sauna right now, as is Cece's. There was an incident about a week ago when the kids were coming home from school and Cece and Rowan concluded that Cece had broken the lock on her bike. I think this was last Monday when Eric and I were in Helsinki, so Rowan decided the safest thing to do would be to carry her bike up the three huge flights of stairs in our building and store Cece's bike in the sauna along with a Daddy's bike. I should say one of Daddy's bikes. We do need to get the bikes out of there so we can start using the sauna like Finnish people do, in a quasi-religious fashion. Well, perhaps "quasi-religious fashion" isn't the right phrase, although apparently sitting in the sauna of daily becomes for many people like a practice of meditation. I much prefer to be surrounded by hot water, as in a hot tub or a bathtub. And I am really struggling with not having a bathtub here at all! I'm going to give a regular sauna regimen a go once it's much colder outside.

We had a pretty nice weekend; did you? We have all had colds, though. Cece was the first to come down with it last week and then Rowan and then me and then Eric. Us adults seem to have been hit the hardest. It's not the worst cold in the world, but I just feel so incredibly fatigued and have a pretty horrible-sounding cough. One nice thing we did this weekend was going to walk in the forest near Hervantajärvi, which is at the end of the "3" tram line. Hervantajärvi (järvi means lake) is one of the many lakes that Eric has gone swimming in. Even though he has a wetsuit and an insulated swimming hat, I think his open-water, lake swimming days are done until next spring or summer. He has a swimming club that he has signed up for and he thought that those sessions started last night, and he went out to the uimahalli (the swimming hall) but the group actually starts tonight--at 8:30! I thought that was a bit late for a hobby group, but, as I've noted before, the Finns are very serious about their hobby groups, and time of day be damned, I suppose!

Other than our weekend forest-and-lake walk, I don't have much to report from the weekend. The kids did homework and read; they wrote letters; I wrote a letter of recommendation and worked on Rowan's Albuquerque Academy application (don't get me started on that); and I made an amazing lentil/vegetable soup last night. The kids had figure skating and Rowan had tap yesterday.

I'll offer you one more Finland observation before I sign off on this relatively short post. Getting facial tissue, or Kleenex, is something of a challenge here. We're used to buying big multi-packs of it at Costco. There is no Costco here and that poses a challenge for Kleenex-buying, and there really is no substitute for Costco. Of course, this makes sense, given all the grocery stores that abound all over the place, and people buy their needed items in smaller quantities. But with tissues, which we like to have on hand, especially when we have colds, the only place we've found decently priced tissues are at the Danish chain Normal. As they say, they sell "completely normal goods at fixed low prices." They are quite cheeky. Normal has excellent and clever branding and the first one that I ever saw was in Toulouse, France, last summer. Normal is kind of like an Ulta Beauty with more drugstore-level products, also including cleaning supplies, some school supplies, some cooking supplies, and some "American" products, like boxed mac-and-cheese and Reese's peanut butter cups. Anyway, Normal is a very popular store with young people and they do sell boxed tissue. So that is your lesson for today about where you can find a boxed tissue when you're in Finland. I've done some online research and it looks like I can also get it at Clas Olsen, which is another store that sells housewares and kind of has a World Market vibe, in terms of its furniture and dishes merchandizing.

Alrighty .... have a great start to your week! Please say a prayer that the little mice that have been spotted in our Albuquerque house get the HECK OUT OF THERE!! I am losing my mind with worrying about this and no interventions by pest control folks have helped me feel any better. Thanks to my friend Laura and her husband Drake for going over there yesterday to give me a better sense of the lay of the land.

[silverstonesainz-archive]

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

summary: not every chapter ends in happily every after pairing: ex!andrei x fem!reader, bff!sebastian x fem!reader word count: 6.4k warning(s): lots of cussing, not proofread, probs improper use of finnish terms (s/o google translate), there is also literally no plot note: this was originally supposed to be traitor for the sour series, but then i went in a diff direction and had this fic just sitting in my docs. so then i wrote an extra 5k words. pls this was the longest piece i've written and i'm about 98% sure this made no sense lmfao. regardless, i hope you like it.

translations 1. kaipaan sinua - i miss you 2. syödä - eat 3. kirottu - damn 4. älä ole - don't be

⊱ ────── ༺❀༻ ────── ⊰

“Please Y/n,” Sebastian begs over the phone, “It’s opening night, you have to come.”

“Actually Sepe,” You mumble, turning over in your bed, “I don’t. And I shouldn’t. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

The room is dim, only sunlight peeking through the slats of your blinds giving you the ability to see around your room. Not that you even want to anyway, considering the mess that has piled up in your room. Your usual manic cleaning episode has yet to wash over you, and in your current emotional state you do not have the willpower to get up and do something about the mess otherwise.

“You have to get out of your house, Y/n. You need to breathe in some fresh air, it’ll help you feel better.”

“Wouldn’t exactly say that the arena counts as fresh air.” You retort, pulling the phone away from your ear and turning the call on speaker. You rest your phone on the pillow beside you, waiting for Sebastian’s response.  Your eyes focus on the cups and mugs sitting on your night stand, mind wondering what leftover concoctions are sitting in them.

“Better than your room. Bet it’s messy as shit right now.”

“Shut up. I’m in a rut.”

“A rut” is an extreme understatement. This is more than a little obstacle that is easily fixed with a homemade meal and some tender love and care. It takes more than a friend’s encouragement to get fresh air. There isn’t anything, to your knowledge, that could pull out of the darkness you had landed in. Heartbreak has gotten the best of you, eating you up from the inside out as you stare at the shards of your glass heart sitting before you. It’s the type of sadness that seems to have consumed all of you in the last two weeks. Every move you make brings you to tears, makes it harder to breathe. Your sorrow controls you, and there’s only one person to blame: Andrei.

On a normal day, the boy on the other end of the line could easily manage to entice you out of bed and into whatever adventure he had planned. And more often than not, watching your favorite team on the ice would be enough to distract you from your anxieties, even if it’s for just two hours. But these days haven’t been normal, and the idea of leaving the safety of your home makes you feel sick. Sebastian is your best friend, and he’s stepped up and assumed the position of being your person while you fall apart. The night Andrei decided to call it quits, he was the first person you called. He sat on the phone with you for two hours as you cried on your bathroom floor, despite being on the other side of the country and playing a game in the morning. You cried and cried until your tears wore you down. Sebastian is your rock, the only person you could truly trust in these times. He is the only one who truly listened to your grief, listened as you poured your heart out and asked the world why everything happened the way it did.

Yes your girlfriends made sure to check up on you, they tried to be there for you, but it’s not the same. They meant well, trying to lift your head up by saying that Andrei ‘ain’t shit’ and calling him all kinds of names, but that wasn’t what you wanted to hear. Andrei being the bad guy never settled right in your mind. Despite the state he left you in, you never thought poorly of him.

“Kaipaan sinua,” Sebastian’s soft voice breaks you from your thoughts, “Please. Come.”

There is desperation in his voice, something you don’t hear from the prideful young man often. So you concede, reluctantly. “Fine. But I’m leaving immediately after the game.”

“That’s fine. I’ll pick you up before, and then we’ll leave right after. You’re the best, Y/n.”

You bid goodbyes and then he hangs up. You turn on your back, rolling over onto your stomach. Opening night is only three days away and it isn’t nearly enough time to prepare yourself for the fact that you will inevitably see Andrei. Bile rises to your throat, nerves and anxiety enticing it out of you. You run to the bathroom, spewing the very little you had in your stomach. The throw up burns as it comes up. Your chest heaves up and down as panic begins to take over as you sit on the floor of your bathroom, body damp with sweat as moments of the last two weeks play over in your mind. You think of the night he decided to end it, the sullen look in his deep brown eyes as he sits across from you on the couch.

“I don’t think this relationship is good for us anymore.”

You were taken aback by the statement. Sure, your relationship hit a couple of bumps in the final two months but nothing that would make you think that the relationship was no longer worth it. You barely heard his reasons, the way he spoke about the both of you being too young to be tied down. You vaguely remember the mention of wanting to focus on his career and that he didn’t need any distractions. Your heart aches at the memory of you reaching out to him and how quickly he swiped his hand from your grasp. There isn’t anything left in your stomach, but you feel the need to throw up again.

“Please, Andrei! Don’t do this. We can work through this.”

The sound of agony in your voice as you begged him brings tears to your eyes. You bargained and begged until he stopped you. The ghost of his hands around yours sends a shiver down your spine, reminding you of his dull tone as he tells you that he is breaking up with you.

“Maybe in the future, we will be better for each other.”

The break-up has been on repeat in the back of your mind, trying to understand what is the real reason he decided to call it quits so abruptly. Was it for his career? That he was too young to be tied down? You flipped between the two, thinking about which made the most sense but neither did. And when you push his reasons back, his promise of maybe is at the forefront of your mind. You hold on to that maybe, hold on to the possibility that at the end of all this hurt and heartache, you’ll both find your way back to each other. What’s meant to be, will be. You love Andrei with every piece of you. He is your person, the only one you could ever picture a future with. No past love can ever compare to him and all things you shared together. You are convinced that because of that, he is meant for you. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

You flush the toilet before pushing yourself off the floor. Your eyes meet your reflection, heart sinking at the sight. Dull eyes, pale skin, and the obvious weight loss is enough to send you back into another round of tears. You don’t recognize the person staring back at you. That stupid, broken look mocks you and it makes you want to scream. The pad of your thumb swipes your cheeks, collecting the wet from your tears. You straighten your shoulders, looking at yourself one more time.

God, you think, I hate this.

༺❀༻

Thursday rolls around faster than you'd like. Sebastian is at your door just before three, a smoothie and sandwich in hand. He stands at your door, clad in maroon pants and a plaid jacket to match. And in typical Sebastian fashion, a red beanie covers his undoubtedly disheveled hair to tie his look together. His eyes are bright when you open the door, a proud smile on his lips.

“You look good.” He compliments, stepping into your home. “Now here, eat before we go.”

“No, I’m fine. I ate.”

“A slice of bread doesn’t count. C’mon, it’s your favorite.” You don’t budge and he gives you a hard stare, “Syödä.”

���I don’t know what that means, but it’s still no.”

After much back and forth, Sebastian manages to convince you to drink the smoothie and he’d eat the sandwich. The car ride is quiet, only the sound of the radio and your quiet gulps of your smoothie. Nerves begin to get to you, your leg bumping up and down and your thumb back under your teeth. You were minutes from the PNC arena, minutes from very possibly running into your ex-boyfriend. Today may very well be the first time you see him since that terrible night. You know that Sebastian will do good on his promise, but it’s not like he can babysit you throughout the night.

As if he can read your mind, Sebastian looks over at you as he parks. His hand wraps around yours, giving it a light squeeze. “Hey. It’s gonna be alright. I got you a seat kinda in the middle. Just close enough to see us, but we won’t be able to see you. Figured you didn’t want to sit with the other girls… all things considered.”

You smile, “Thanks Sepe.”

He is quick to get out of his car, running over to your side to open yours for you. You thank him again and you give one last hug before making your way through the arena. Your hands are shaking and the arena is suddenly warm despite the low temperatures. You show your ticket and are let into the arena to find your seat. You tug on your hat, pulling it low so that no one would recognize you, on the off chance they did know who you are.

𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚗 𝚘𝚛 𝚒 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗

Your fingers shake as you type out the text, doing anything to avoid looking around the arena and therefore any and all reminders of your ex. Your seat was decent, a great view of the ice and both goal posts. You were just six rows behind the bench, and every seat ahead of you was filled.

𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚎 ;)

You slip your phone back into your purse, eyes back on the ice as the music blares through the speakers. The Islanders were already on the ice, shooting pucks around and skating around. It’s only a matter of time before the Canes do the same. You briefly consider getting up to grab a snack when they do, but you know that it would be a waste. Stadium snacks aren’t exactly your jive, the prices being the most off-putting thing about it. Six dollars for a half filled box of cookie dough? Absolutely not.

The lights begin to dim and your heart begins to speed up. Panic travels up your throat, your stomach doing backflips. The crowd roars with excitement as their favorite team skates onto the ice, drowning out your thoughts and anxieties. You can’t focus, so you look up. And boy, was that a mistake. There he is, all clad in red with the logo spread across his chest. The red helmet is bright against his pale skin, a few strands of his brown hair poking out and onto his forehead. There he is, your favorite boy.

The first period flies by, nothing too crazy happens. You watch as Sebastian, Andrei, and Tuevo skate back and forth, slapping the puck around and trying to score goals. You try your best to focus on the number 20, and well pretty much any number other than thirty seven. But it was hard, considering that he did manage to score two goals in the second period. It’s hard to ignore his existence when it is quite literally being shoved in your face. The man to your right was psyched, asking you if you saw the goal Svech just hit? And much to your dismay, you did. You watched the way he twists his body, stick scraping the ice as he knocks the puck into the net through Sorokin’s legs.

Canes win, three to nothing. Excitement buzzes in the arena, fans talking about Svech’s goals and what an amazing season he’s bound to have. You couldn’t have walked out quick enough, squeezing through fans and walking all the way to the back lot, right by Sebastian’s car. The boys begin to pour out of the stadium and you hang your head low, leaning against Sebastian’s car. You didn’t know how to face any of them, unsure if they even knew about you and Andrei. And if they do, you’d hate to look pathetic to his team mates. Voices are loud, some of them you recognize, but then you hear a peculiar accent that drowns out all the noise around you.

“What’d you think about the game?”

“It was good! I understand that you scored, but you’ll have to teach me all the other rules.”

The high pitched voice is what forces you to look up. And in a moment, your whole world shatters. There he is, looking down at some girl the same way he used to look at you. You know that sparkle in his eyes, the smile big enough that his dimples indent his cheeks. You know that look anywhere because he used to look at you the same way. Tears blur your vision but you blink quickly, refusing to look away. Maybe that was a mistake, maybe you should’ve turned when you had the chance, walked away, called an uber, something. In an instant, you were forced to face the reality that you had to let go of all the maybes, all the possibilities that kept you afloat. And there he is leaning into some new girl, lips pressing into hers.

Shock is understatement, your whole body is frozen for a split second more before panic ensues. Your phone in your hand drops, the device clattering on the ground. Andrei’s head shoots up, eyes finding yours. You barely register your name falling from his lips in a panic, the way he nudges that girl to the side as he comes up to you. Your heart is beating into your ears, the city around you suddenly hot. The world moves in slow motion the closer he moves towards you and it isn’t until he is right in front of your face do you snap back into reality.

“You… you’re a fucking liar.” Is all you manage, voice barely above a whisper.

“Y/n, please let me explain. It isn’t what it looks like.”

For the first time in two weeks, you laugh. You laugh a real laugh, one that comes from deep in your belly as you double over at your harsh reality. “It isn’t what it looks like? What do you take me for, stupid?”

“No, no of course not.”

“So she’s the real reason why you left?” His gaze moves away from you and you crane your neck so that he is forced to look at you, “All that talk about focusing on yourself, too young to be tied down, all that bullshit to hide your new pretty girl?”

“This isn’t how I wanted you to find out, I was going to tell you.”

“No you weren’t,” You spit, “Stop lying to me, I’m sick and tired of being tugged around and led on. Let’s call it what it is, you left me. You probably cheated too, all things considered.”

“Y/n, no–”

“No? No?!”

You don’t even see Sebastian running over, struggling to keep his duffle slung over his shoulder and his beanie atop of his head. He did his best to beat his teammate out of the showers, even engaging in a lengthy conversation as he changed back into his suit. How Drei beat him out of there, Seb would never know. Sebastian felt sick to his stomach when he saw this new girl, how comfortable Andrei was with her, a drastic comparison to how you struggled to leave home. He never understood it, but it wasn’t his business. Sebastian is quick to wrap his arm around your torso, pulling you against him and effectively further from Andrei. Your smaller hands push against his arm, but your attempts to break free fail.

“Y/n, let’s go.” Seb’s voice is soft but firm, his hold on you growing tighter.

“You,” You point your index finger at Andrei accusingly, “You allowed me to sit and cry and blame myself for this break up, all because you chose to lie. You are a shitty person Andrei, and I hope you’re able to live with that.”

You finally managed to pry Sebastian’s hold from you, stomping away from the boy who broke your heart. You ignore the desperate calls for you, the pleas for a moment of your time so that he could explain himself. But you refuse to listen. Seb's car clicks unlock, and you swing the door open and shut in one swift, fluid movement. Your best friend pulls away from the arena as you dissolve into yet another fit of tears. Three weeks, three long weeks of soaking in Andrei’s lies, defending every single one he told you. After three long fucking weeks, Andrei Svechnikov has finally vilified himself to you.

Sebastian sits in his seat, hands clutching the wheel tightly as his mind flicks through anything and everything he could possibly say to console you. Your sobs burn his ears, and just two blocks short of your apartment he finally pulls over to hold you. His arms, strained against his jacket, pull you against his chest. You accept the embrace, crying into his chest as your hand grasps his dress shirt tightly. The sweet gesture pushes you over the edge, muted sobs turning into wails of frustration. Your lungs burn as you struggle to keep up with breathing. Seb’s lips press a soft kiss against your hair, gentle shhhhs soothing you. Neither of you can tell how long you sat there, parked in front of a closed supermarket. Whether it was 2 minutes or 20, there was no distinction.

“Did… did you know?”

Your question slices through the silence in the car. Sebastian’s arms recede from your body, hands resting on his lap. His eyes cast downwards before they flick up to you, “Yeah.”

“Were you gonna tell me?”

The hurt in your voice pierces his heart, but he wouldn’t dare lie. “Eventually. I didn’t think it was something you should’ve heard from me.”

You nod, accepting his response. “I wanna go home.”

“Y/n I—“

“Sepe. Please. I want to be in bed, elbow deep in a bucket of whatever ice cream I have left in my fridge. I just… I want to be alone.”

“I’m sorry.” Sebastian’s apology catches you off guard. There is genuine fear and concern in his eyes, wide and trained on you. “I should’ve told you, or warned you. But I didn’t know—“

“Sepe,” You cut him off, hand cupping his cheek and your thumb softly caressing his cheek, “Stop it. I’m not mad at you, I just… I need to be alone right now. Okay?”

Seb leans into your touch absentmindedly. “We’re okay?”

You nod, “We’re okay.”

There is a shift in the air, a change both of you feel but neither want to acknowledge. So instead, you lean back into your chair while Sebastian shifts the car into drive. The last two blocks were quiet, only the air conditioning buzzing softly. When he finally pulls up to the front of the building, your eyes meet his brown ones.

“Thanks for coming to the game, even if the night ended the way it did.”

“Anything for you.”

Sebastian leans over the center console, arms once again finding its way around your smaller frame. You hug him back, face buried in his shoulder. You inhale deeply, savoring his musky scent. His hand rubs your back softly, and you feel his lips press against the top of your head. After what felt like a minute (but realistically it was probably way longer than that), you lift your head. Truth be told, you didn’t realize how close his face was yours. You didn’t want to acknowledge how fast your heart was thumping beneath your ribs or the fact you could feel his beating just as hard. You didn’t want to bring up how his hand is resting dangerously low on your back, or how much you like the feeling.

“Sebastian…” Your voice is barely above a whisper, but it didn’t matter.

Your best friend presses his lips against yours. His movements are slow, gentle, sweet. For the briefest of seconds, your world stopped exploding. It was like a scene from a movie, the fire and shrapnel frozen in time, just you and Sebastian moving in time. But then the universe clicked play, and the harsh reality around you came crashing down. The fire continued to burn everything in its path. Your broken heart and the familiar brown eyes flash in your mind and you jolt away from Sebastian. It was as if the touch you both shared turned to acid, melting your flesh away.

Sebastian’s face drains in color, lips trembling as realization comes crashing down on him as well. “Y/n…”

No words could explain why he did what he did. Why he thought now, of all times, would be the most appropriate time to kiss you. It would never be appropriate, he knew how you felt about him. He was supposed to be your best friend, your person.

“No, no it’s fine.” You try to play it off, but your wavering voice gives you away, “I um… I’ll see you soon. Drive safe. Bye.”

Your movements are frantic, quick, giving him no space to get a word in. There is a soft bye that manages to roll off Sebastian’s tongue, but it’s met with his car door being slammed shut. He stays parked, watching as you fumble with your keys and push your way into the building. He rips off his beanie, forehead resting against the wheel as his lips tingle and yearn for your own.

“Kirottu.”

The lights in your apartment flick on and Seb puts his car in drive. He doesn’t play any music, his thoughts loud and rampant enough to keep him company. That singular moment plays over and over, and lights his body on fire. His index finger runs over his bottom lip at the memory of you, and he can’t help but let a smile curve onto his lips.

You kissed him back.

༺❀༻

It had been about a week since opening night, and since then the Canes have been on the road. There has been very minimal communication between you and Sebastian, just texts of him asking if you’re breathing and if you’ve been eating more than ice cream. You are quick to respond with a yes, hiding the fact that the only thing of substance that you’ve been eating is bread. In return, you ask him how the games have been even though you know that they’ve been killing it. Living in North Carolina, there was no way to avoid Sebastian or Andrei so you simply had to push through the flushed feeling when seeing your best friend and the seething rage when you see your ex.

𝙱𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚒𝚗 𝚁𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚗. 𝚆𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚠.

Seb’s texts come in one after the other, your back to back ringtone shaking you from your thoughts. You watch as the grey text bubble pops up and disappears several times before finally deciding to reply.

𝙾𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎. 𝙻𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚑 𝚖𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎?

𝚈𝚎𝚜. 𝙸’𝚕𝚕 𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚞𝚙 𝚊𝚝 𝟷𝟷:𝟹𝟶.

You reply with a quick, okay and set your phone aside. You’d be lying if you said Sebastian kissing you hasn’t occupied your mind. Truth be told that night you lied awake, tossed and turned at the memory of Seb’s lips on yours. You haven’t quite stopped thinking about it.

Tomorrow came quicker than you expected and you were ready for lunch by 9:45. And so with just under two hours to spare before Sebastian would come pick you up, you pace your apartment and make a poor attempt to clean up. You were thankful that you managed to clean up your apartment during the week, only a couple of dishes in your sink and misplaced clothes left to put away. Before you know it, your phone is chiming as Seb sends you updates of his arrival. And the punctual sucker he is, is knocking on your door at 11:29. You swing the door open, Sebastian in a simple black polo and jeans. Daisies are clutched in his left hand.

“Sepe?” You raise a brow at him, taking the gift as he extends them towards you.

“What? Can’t bring my best friend a gift?”

You ignore your heart dropping as you roll your eyes at his comment, “Not without a catch, no.”

Sebastian chuckles, following you into your apartment as you go to find a vase for the flowers. “True. If I remember correctly, I scored the last three games and the Canes are on a win streak. If anything, you should be giving me flowers.”

You giggle, dropping the flowers in a clear vase before you turn and hand it over to him, “Take it back then.”

“No, these don’t count.” He laughs, taking the vase and placing it on the counter behind you. You laugh along, shoving his shoulder lightly.

“Where are you taking me to lunch Sepe?”

“Figured we could get some Italian. There’s a really good restaurant I went with Turbo one time, I think you’ll like it.”

And he was right. The restaurant did not disappoint, a cute little family restaurant just outside of Raleigh. It felt homey, with its 80s inspired decor and the lively music playing softly in the background. You and Sebastian are seated towards the back of the restaurant, his back to the door.

“You aren’t wrong. This is a very cute place. How’d you find it again?”

“Ah,” Sebastian sets his water glass down, a goofy smile on his lips, “We have Turbo to thank. He took a failed tinder date here.”

You both burst into a fit of soft laughter. The rest of lunch kept up the same energy, just a lot of teasing and light-hearted conversation. To the untrained eye, and to really anyone who didn’t know you two, you looked liked you were on a date. You shake away the thought, trying to focus on Sebastian’s third roadie story. You watch as his eyes light up, how much more prominent his cheekbones becomes when he smiles really wide. It was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the flutters in your tummy as he laughed, or when he said your name. You struggled to hide your flushed cheeks when he said you looked nice, and that he was happy to see you like your old self.

The ride home was not nearly as loud, but you both managed to keep up a very biased conversation about who will end up in the Stanley Cup Finals. The drive was much shorter than you’d like, and as Sebastian pulls up to the front of your buildings, you knew you didn’t want the day to end.

“Wanna come upstairs? I’m pretty sure I still have an unopened pint of strawberry ice cream.”

His smile is soft as he nods, “Sure.”

Sebastian parks in the guest spot and you both make a quiet walk up to your home. The air is light, but quiet. Just stifled laughter as you both purposely bump into the other. You unlock the door, allowing Sebastian to enter before you.

“Y/n…” Sebastian calls your name just as you lock your door, “We should probably talk about what happened that night.”

You drop your keys on your coffee table, nibbling on your bottom lip as you nod, “Yeah. We should.”

You both sit on the couch, the air suddenly thick and hard to breathe in. Neither of you speak up for a minute, afraid of the outcome of the conversation. Afraid of unrequited feelings, or a broken friendship. You look up from your lap, meeting Sebastian’s eyes and you watch as his shoulders relax.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you then. It was a mistake for me to have done that when you were so… so vulnerable. I’m sorry.”

“No… no it’s fine.” You shake your head, “Don’t apologize. It’d be unfair, considering I did kiss back.” You feel your cheeks heat up.

“Yeah…” He chuckles, scratching the back of his neck. “But Y/n, I hope you know that just because I am apologizing, it doesn’t mean that I regret it.”

“What do you mean?”

Unbeknownst to you, Sebastian was doing everything he could to keep his lunch down. Nerves threatened to push his food up his throat in place of the words he kept to himself for such a long time. The Finnish boy spent the better part of his roadie in thought of you. He thought of every outcome of this conversation, every possible response. And at the end of it all he considered if it was all worth bringing up. If it was fair to you for him to spill his heart into your lap while you were trying to recover your own. But then he considers that after you guys had shared a kiss, he didn’t know where he stood in your life. With just a touch, he lost all sense of boundaries. He had to know if he had a chance, or if he was swimming in empty hope. That choosing to push it in the past and to never speak of it, held bigger risks and was more of a disservice to the both of you.

Sebastian swallows hard. “I’ve… I’ve always felt something for you. It took me such a long time to figure out, and when I did, you were so happy with Andrei. And you are always going to be my best friend, but I need you to know that I care about you, more than a best friend normally would. That kiss, was more than impulse. It’s something my heart has been begging for.”

His words render you speechless, mind blank as you tried to think of every way to respond to his confession. You never considered any feelings that were beyond platonic, for Sebastian. The possibility of you and him never really crossed your mind until he kissed you. And how could you ignore the warm feeling in your chest, the comfortability in his arms while your lips are pressed against his? How can you deny that even in the slightest, you felt something for Sebastian? Those stupid butterflies had been bothering you ever since. He was soft, gentle, and you swore you felt safe as he held you.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Sebastian begins again, “If there is anything I truly want in my life, it’s for you to always be in it.”

You smile, reaching out for his hand. Like a magnet, his hand is quick to find yours, his fingers weaving between yours. You look down, admiring the way they fit. “Sepe…” You look up at him, “I don’t ever want to lose you either.”

Andrei’s stupid brown eyes appeared in you mind and you were forced to face your reality. Guilt consumed you, even if it didn’t need to. You were single, you were available, but you couldn’t help but feel bad for kissing Sebastian. They’re teammates, co-workers– fuck, they’re friends. It made you uncomfortable at the notion of quite possibly moving on with a friend of your ex, even more so your best friend. And at the end of it all, in the mess you found yourself in, you knew that you needed Sebastian as your friend, now more than anything.

“I’ll always care about you, will always root for you, even if at the end of all of this you don’t want me the way I want you.”

Your heart ached at his words, tears welling up in your eyes. “Oh Sepe,”

“Don’t cry.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You could never.” He shakes his head, squeezing your hand.

“I will always care about you Sepe, and even I can’t deny the warmth in my heart when you kissed me. But… I can’t.”

You look up at him sadly, and he knew. His smile was not his widest, eyes not his brightest, and yet he still pulled you close. He held you as you both cried into each other, broken that timing was not on either of your sides. Once again, the universe gave Sebastian a cold no.

Sebastian held you until you were both out of tears. Even then, when the room was filled with sniffling and shallow breathing, neither of you made the effort to move. It wasn’t until Sebastian’s phone rang did you guys decide to move.

“I have to go,” He says softly, voice hoarse. “But I will see you soon. Okay?”

You nod, standing with him and walking him to the door. “I’m so sorry Sebastian.”

He clicks his tongue, shaking his head as he slings his arm over your shoulder to pull you close one more time. A force of habit, he presses a kiss to your temple and you lean into the touch, “Älä ole. I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

You nod, smiling. You watch as he walks off, calling back to let you know that he’ll see you sometime within the week, before he disappears to another city. The apartment is quiet, strawberry ice cream long forgotten.

The days following moved like normal, and you did your best to ignore the burning in your chest as Seb’s words and your curt rejection replays over in over in your mind. You can’t erase the pained smiled he put on for you, a decoy to the misery he was truly feeling. You wished that things were different, that you were in a better place to accept what he so badly wanted to give you. But that’s just not how things work.

You were washing dishes one Saturday morning when there was a knock on your door. You dry your hands, unlocking your phone to see if there was any text from Seb, but your notifications are void of his name. The knock comes again, louder and quicker.

“I’m coming, hold on.” You call out. Tossing the towel on your counter, you walk up to your front door, pulling it open.

“Y/n…”

Your blood boils at the sight of Andrei standing in your doorway. “No.” You swing the door shut, but he is quick to slam his hand against it, stopping it from moving further.

“Y/n please. Can we talk?”

“No. You need to leave.”

“Not until we talk.”

You stop pushing against Andrei’s force on your door, letting it fall open. Tears begin to well up in your eyes, brows tense as you look at him in disbelief. “Talk about what, Andrei? What is there left to talk about?”

“I just want to explain myself, explain what you saw last week.” Andrei pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling on the chapped skin.

“I don’t need it.” You shake your head, “Just go Andrei.”

Just as you turn away to close your door, his voice stops you. “Well I do!” There is desperation, a flicker of weakness in his tone that forces you to turn and face his glossy brown eyes and downturned lips. “You’re right. I’m a shitty fucking person, but Y/n I can’t live like that. I can’t live with myself, with this guilt.”

You couldn’t help the scoff that bubbled from your throat. “It’s really not my fucking problem. You made your bed, best you lie in it too.”

Your grip on the door is firm, ready to shut it. But Andrei’s meek voice rings again. It’s scratchy, broken up by sniffling and stutters as he tries to find a way to express his sorrow. Nothing coherent ever really rolls off his tongue, just strings of pleases and sorrys.

“Andrei, stop.” You finally release your hold on your door, stepping out of your home and standing right in front of him, “Go home.”

“You didn’t deserve it Y/n,” The admission is the first full sentence Andrei manages to make.

“I didn’t,” You agree, “I deserve more than you ever gave me. Deserved the truth, deserved every ounce of respect from you. And now, I deserve to be left alone and the chance to heal from what you’ve done.” Andrei nods, tears and shame keeping him from speaking. A sigh escapes you, arms crossing over your chest. “If you’re looking for forgiveness, you aren’t going to find it here. I don’t know if you ever will. The best thing that we both can do is move on.”

“You’re a better person than I’ll ever be Y/n,” Andrei’s smile is weak, defeated. His hand brushes under his cheeks, wiping away his tears. “C-can I hug you? One last time?”

Your nerves lit on fire at the question, and your body reacts before your mind could comprehend the question. You accept his invitation, arms around his neck while his arms are around your torso. And unlike every other time, this hug marked the end. It was quiet, just the boy’s shaky breathing filling the air between you as he held you against him tight.

“I only wish the best for you. All you deserve and more.” He whispers.

“Thank you.” You pull away, and your vision is blurry. “Goodbye Andrei.”

“Goodbye Y/n.”

You watch as he turns on his heel, walking away from you without ever turning back. When he is out of your view, you return to the safe confines of your home, shut your door, and fall apart. You clutched your chest, the bravery and courage leaving your body as you sobbed. This was really and truly it for you and the boy you perceived to be the love of your life. No more drowning in delusions of him being you ‘right person wrong time.’ No more waiting for your anger and hurt to dissipate so that you can welcome him back into your life. No more gambles with the universe, or playing the waiting game for your prayers to be answered.

That very moment in the hallway in your apartment complex closed a chapter in your life that you struggled to write an ending for. And for the first time in a month, you felt free.

⊱ ────── ༺❀༻ ────── ⊰

tagging @sebbyaho bc you were literally the only person to say finish this and so i did. ily.

[gothicwidowsworld]

Guys my age K.R

The F1 season was nearing a close with one race left before the curtains closed on Kimi for good. Sure he could do a Fernando and return after a hiatus disguised as retirement but the Fin was tired and longed to finally make his house his home rather than jetting off to a different location to sit in a car. The idea of not having to stick to a rigid schedule called to the older racer and he wanted to lay some roots. However the craving for normality panicked him slightly when it came to his relationship with Y/N L/N. Y/N was younger and seemed to enjoy traveling the world, living out of a suitcase. When he decided to withdraw from F1 Kimi didn’t realise he’d find himself at a crossroads.

“Kimi are you ok?” the y/h/c young woman asked tentatively, closing the bathroom door behind her now barefaced wearing an oversized t-shirt she most likely stole from the older man. Her strands of y/h/c were damp signifying she’d decided to wash her hair while in the shower. Shuffling closer to the silent man Y/N sat on the edge of the bed, the white hotel sheets soft and comforting. “En ole tarpeeksi hyvä sinulle” Kimi mumbled bitterly not realising he’d spoken in finnish, it had been a long day. Y/N didn’t mind, she understood. “Kimi that’s not true” the y/h/c woman replied reassuringly, crawling up the bed to settle into the Fins side running a soothing hand along his tensed arm. “I’m old.” the Alfa Driver responded, a scowl coming to settle on his pale face. “I’m old and you’re young.” Kimi continued pitifully. 

“Yes. Is that it or are you going to make any more amazing observations?” Y/N asked sarcastically, crossing her arms in irritation at the man’s pity party. “I’m not dealing with a grumpy Räikkönen tonight.” Y/N stated plainly preparing to grab a pillow and settle on the hotel's sofa for the night. “I don’t get what you see in me, you're beautiful you could get any man you wanted. You think I don't see the way Lando and even Antonio look at you?!” Kimi grumbled his small outburst followed by a deep sigh. “I don’t want Antonio or Lando. Or any other Driver for that matter.” Y/N mumbled her usually bright y/e/c orbs focusing intensely on the man’s face. Kimi didn’t like being vulnerable, he hated it even more so in front of Y/N it was a pride thing she suspected. Kimi liked coming across as the tough guy with all the answers so much so that when he needed a supportive shoulder to lean on he’d rather keep it to himself until it blew up in his face. “Bwoah you’re just saying that, someday you’ll wake up and wonder why you wasted your time with an old man.” 

“Kimi guys my age don’t know how to treat me, they're immature.” Y/N explained slowly mulling over what to say next. Y/N wasn’t quite sure how to ease Kimi out of this dark hole. “Guys my age don’t know how to do a lot of things.” Y/N added with a shrug. Returning to the Fin’s side Y/N shot the man a mischievous grin “What are you doing?” Kimi asked cautiously, watching the younger woman settle on his lap. “Proving something.” Y/N whispered, ignoring the man’s questioning gaze, unhappy at the lack of further response Kimi’s pale hands made their way up the girl's thighs lightly digging in. “Proving what?” the Iceman asked, eyebrows raised in anticipation. “Guys my age don’t know how to touch me… but you do.” 

“En voi kuvitella elämääni ilman sinua siinä” the y/h/c girl spoke slowly enunciating each word like it would be her last. Biting her lip at Kimi’s reaction to her declaration in his mother tongue Y/N tried to hold back the smile itching to settle on her y/s/c features. 

En de tarpeeksi hyvä sinulle - I'm not good enough for you

En voi kuvitella elämääni ilman sinua siinä - I can’t imagine my life without you in it

A/N idgaf if you don’t like Kimi he’s a dilf and I’m sad he’s leaving this is my way of dealing with it ok! Also normal warning i hope the Finnish is okay I don’t speak it but try to research as accurately as possible 

inspired by Guys my age by Hey Violet

[selinakidreams]

Hello my love can i please request that you follow up on this lovely work of art you deposited in my ask box? Ty ty

oh oh oh what is this? the lovely carter (and val- in spirit) dropping in my inbox and requesting for me (???????) to write,,,,,,,,,,, I’m honored and will happily accept.

I am so so so so so sorry this took me so long to write,, it’s been sitting in my drafts for weeks,,,, I hope this makes up for it 🥺 I tweaked it a bit and I think it works,,, better now ? hopefully !!

warnings: this is smutty, SLIGHT voyerism,  dubcon turned to con, p♥︎rn with like.. a dash of plot ? maybe ?, fem! reader, thigh riding, uh riding dick right after, LIGHT MENTIONS of fwb! Osamu,, ah ha haa — NO INCEST.

Dinners with the Miyas: a weekly tradition since... before you could remember. Once a week, you and your family would gather at the Miya’s house for a homemade feast.

In hindsight, it was a really nice way for two life-long best friends, both of your guys’ moms, and their loved ones to get together and catch up after a busy week- but as a girl dealing with a pair of twins a year older than herself, it was absolute hell. 

At first, you used to despise having to get properly dressed just to eat dinner with your family friends. All that effort and for what? You see them all the time at school already, what’s so special about coming together for dinner once a week? And honestly, you were just going to get dirtied up anyways. Their beautiful blooming garden was calling your name and who were you to deny it?

You’d often find yourself frolicking among the tall blades of grass and colorful flowers, the wind swaying the plants to and fro. It was so calming to sit and watch the bees buzz around and pollinate. Needless to say, this is the boys’ cue to come into the picture; they always ruined your fun. The twins started growing into... boys, meaning they were an absolute nuisance.

It all started on a gloomy day; it had rained a few hours prior to the meetup and the Miya’s garden was- of course- muddy, but you just couldn’t resist. You tried to be as careful as you could, especially after the continuous complaints from your mother about how dirty you were when you showed up to the dinner table, but somebody decided to sabotage that.

A cold, wet slab of goop slapped you square in the face. With eyes growing wide, you turned to the culprit. An obnoxious laugh left Atsumu Miya’s mouth and in the same breath managed to call you ugly. You didn’t know what to do besides look down; you felt tears prick your lash line and you didn’t want that bully of a boy to see you cry. When you lifted your gaze to find the back door to run to, you paused upon seeing more mud flying through the air- only it wasn’t at you this time. It’s target was Atsumu- the launcher, Osamu. Finishing the embarrassing blow, the twin pointedly said the same phrase that was spat at you, before turning to you and apologizing for his idiot brother’s actions. Needless to say, after that Osamu Miya became your knight in shining armor.

As the years pass, they started to come over to your house more. When the boys were in your room, they (mainly the more wide-eyed, now blonde-haired, insatiably curious one) poked and prodded where their gazes didn’t belong. Osamu always tried his hardest to reil his brother in, attempting to put things back and apologizing every once in a while.it was painfully easy to realize that your perspective about him about him shifted; The politeness. The calm. The sensibility. He was kind and considerate. Your view on Osamu began to change into something of want, and oddly enough, it wasn’t pure.

You and osamu grew closer in ways you weren’t expecting; he was your first sexual everything. First kiss, first touch, first fuck- and with every intimate moment you both shared, the level of respect and maturity was extremely high. There was only one issue, whatever one miya wanted, the other wanted it just as bad.

Atsumu’s gaze on you lasted longer and longer, his tricks were getting more and more perverse- anything he could do to cause a little mischief and ripen the sexual tension he began to build between the two of you. But even the kiddie wrestling matches, flipping up your skirt, and lingering touches became boring; none of his little teases seemed to satisfy him anymore.

He was jealous. He had to be. Osamu never boasted, much less muttered a single word about what you two did when you were alone but Atsumu wasn’t dumb. He knew one of the Miya’s were getting their dick wet and it certainly wasn’t him. He was becoming impatient, but to you, he seemed really on edge- so much so, that one night you found yourself in one of the most compromising positions with the honey-haired idiot.

The three of you were chatting about the twins’ most recent volleyball match in your room, waiting for your moms’ wine induced giggles to subside and finnish the food already.

With lit up eyes, Atsumu was boasting about how they’d achieved their first quick when Osamu pardoned himself so he could use the restroom. 

“AWHH ‘SAMU, YOURE GONNA MISS THE BEST PART.” Tsumu loudly whined. 

“i was there, idiot. just keep telling her the story, i’ll be back.” he rolled his eyes before leaving the room.

He sucked his teeth before turning to you to continue the story only to find your eyes glued to find Osamu’s fleeting figure. You looked almost dazed out and Atsumu couldn’t believe it. Right in front of his eyes, you were eye-fucking his twin brother instead of listening to him.

Absolutely not.

Part of you should not be surprised. You looked away for just a few seconds- just enough for Atsumu to be annoyed that the attention wasn’t on him. Now you found yourself pinned to the floor, both wrists in one of his big hands, the other holding your hips down. You let out a squeal as you tried squirming out of his grasp.... that was until his knee firmly placed itself against your crotch in just the right place. You swear up and down that you didn’t mean to but there was a surprised gasp that shouldn’t have left your mouth. It almost sounded like... the thought stilled your body.

atsumu took note of this. 

In a low murmur, he leaned incredibly close and whispered, “how’s that pretty pussy of yers feelin right now?”

It sent a violent pink tinge to your cheeks and a bolt of arousal down your spine, your slick spreading against your underwear and the top of his jeanclad knee. A clench of your thighs meant this was going exactly where he wanted it to- his wait was over.

“ ‘m waiting for an answer, princess.” he tutted, his face only getting closer to yours while he applied more pressure against your throbbing vulva. 

It was never like this with ‘samu. This... was almost exciting for you. Something teetering the lines of flavorful and troublesome. The little voice in your head was screaming at you but the aching desire in your pussy was louder.

“Ah!- atsumu! what are you doing?” you whimper, trying to hide your face. There were so many thoughts racing through your mind, the logical part of you wanted to hear them all out but in the moment you were so overwhelmed. There needed to be control in such a situation; You tried to shift around to loosen his grip, accidentally applying pressure that was welcoming it the most, causing a breathy moan to escape your lips and your eyes to clamp shut.

“mmm well, you’re so focused on my brother, i thought i’d show you what you were missin if you started payin more attention to me.” You could hear the smirk in his voice and you whine. This position was so compromising.

He trailed the hand that weighed down your waist up the curves of your side and took your jaw in his hand. He turned your face and when you peeked open your eyes, your gaze was met with his.

“I want you to cum on my thigh.”

Eyes wide, you tried shaking your head to no avail. His grip was so strong. “Atsumu no!! Osamu’s gonna get back and dinner is gonna be done soon and just- no!” You squeal.

“Y’still have time,” he said calmly, “ ‘samu’s probably checkin on dinner... so yeh better start... or else. Y’know what? I could just continue this though dinner. Slide my hand up ye’thigh under the table...” he started, letting go of your face and ghosting his hand down your body. The thought of his big hands palming over your clit while a finger is dipped into your warm pool flashed in your mind. You clenched, and boy, he felt it.

“Mmm, did my pretty girl think about my fingers- fingers that could reach places yours can’t?” He grinned as he watched you follow his hand with your eyes. “maybe you’d like it if i play with your clit under the table, hm? right next to my brother-” 

“no no! here. right now.” is all you could manage to get out. your head was swimming with all that could happen, it only got hazier when you felt the pressure on your cunt lessen- you wanted it back. “Ts-sumu.. i..” 

“i know, i know... but first i want you to cum on my thigh if you want my fingers that badly. I want you whiny and desperate, rubbing that pretty cunt all over me. Moaning my name.”

That’s how you found yourself stuffed in your small closet, you desk chair pulled away from its rightful place,

With his throbbing cock fighting against the cage of his pants and heavy pants leaving his lips, his hands could only find relief on your waist- assisting you in your delishious movements.

His noises weren’t the only ones to be heard, you were trying so hard to contain them but nothing is coming of it. Short little high pitched whines rung in Atsumu s ears- but what really got him were the whimpers of “fuck tsumi,” when the angle hit your clit just right and the squeeze of his biceps as you threw your head back. As soon as he experienced that, he needed you to cum right then and there. And not on his thigh.

“Nope- fuck, we’re switching it up,” he mumbled as he stopped your hips from grinding down. Your mind was a mess but all you could think about in your extremely aroused state was that you needed to cum.

“Atsumu wh-“ before you could even finish your question, he unzipped his pants and uncovered himself from his boxers, his angry cockhead slapping his torso and smearing pre-cum on his skin.

“On- now, Princess.”

There was no need for protests; he was expecting one to come out but instead he felt your soft hands lightly grip his bulging head and give a few strokes before all he heard in that cramped, dark closet was, “you’re so .. big.”

Eyes wide, a garbled moan left his mouth and next thing he knew, you were repositioning till his tip lined with your sopping entrance. He couldn’t take it, he thrusted upward as you sunk down. A shocked moan ripped out of both of you and in the moment of silence that followed afterwards, you could hear the floorboard creek.

Apparently Atsumu did too because his actions stopped and one of his hands left your hips to presumably cover your mouth. You presumed wrong.

Your closet door slid open to reveal a wide eyed Osamu palming himself.

[wishesunderthestars]

Northern Lights // jhs

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x Reader

Summary: You have been getting too lost in your head lately and your boyfriend decides to take you on a trip to unwind. To Finland.

Genre: Fluff and only fluff

Word Count: 2,7k+

Warnings: None

A/N: This is a gift for @moccahobi for @castlebangtan​ ‘s Secret Santa event! I have been in a major writing slump for a month so I hope this turned out alright. I really hope you like it!!! <3

This certainly wasn’t how you had expected to spend winter break. What you had expected was more along the lines of scattered notebooks, textbooks that weighted a ton and sitting in front of your laptop for hours on end. That was light-years away from where you were now, getting off the plane in Finland.

The bone-biting cold made you clutch your backpack’s strap with one hand and your boyfriend’s hand with the other. You had expected the cold, after all you were in Finland, but its intensity had still managed to take you by surprise. You had always wanted to visit the Northern European countries but you hadn’t imagined it would happen like this. With Hoseok, you should have known to expect anything.

“I think it’s this way,” he said, tugging you through another gate.

“Please, tell me we aren’t lost already.” Finding the exit at the airport wasn’t supposed to be that hard.

Hoseok gave you a heart-shaped smile and you couldn’t resist smiling back, if a little exasperated. “We aren’t lost. See that sign? That sign says exit.”

You shook your head. “I’m going to ask someone.” Hoseok didn’t protest, although he was getting better at English it still wasn’t his strongest point.

Speaking with a woman who worked at the airport, you found out you had been going the wrong way all along. She was nice enough to help you and give you a few tips for navigating the airport. Following her directions you were able to find your way to the exit in half the time it had taken you to get lost, which was impressive since the Ivalo airport was rather small compared to what you were used to.

A car was waiting for you outside to take you to your hotel. You hadn’t packed a lot of things, fitting everything into a small red suitcase. You had considered carefully which clothes to take because dragging a monstrosity of a suitcase behind you would be a nightmare on a vacation you were supposed to be relaxing. Supposed to. Only that you weren’t supposed to be here either but in your apartment poring over your books and writing essays. And that wouldn’t let you relax.

There were so many things you should be doing, your “To Do List” was overflowing, and instead of ticking those boxes off you were on the other side of the world. On the airplane, all the way here, you had been trying very hard not to over-think about everything you had left behind unfinished. Hoseok had adamantly refused when you had suggested taking a few of your textbooks with you.

This trip had been entirely his idea, springing it on you two days before winter break started. The tickets had already been booked, the hotel paid and all you could do was whine about all the studying you should be doing instead. Whatever you said you couldn’t change his mind. You needed some time away from your textbooks and he wasn’t backing down. Most of your days were spent studying for University with barely any breaks and he was tired of it. Between that and his job you hadn’t been spending any time together other than sleeping and tired dinners. You were tired of it too and you could feel the thin tendrils of anxiety wrapping around your throat as your days ended in headaches.

So your books were left at your apartment and you were in Finland getting dragged after your overexcited boyfriend.

You looked out of the car window at the snow covered streets and mountains. Only pieces of the dark green trees peeked through the white.

“It’s beautiful,” you said.

“It is,” Hoseok agreed, following your gaze. He wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you against his chest. The interior of the car was warm and you melted into his embrace. “Who was right for coming here?”

You groaned. “Not so quickly. We are here for less than an hour and we managed to get lost once already. We have plenty of time for things to go wrong.”

Hoseok booed, sounding like a displeased child. “Don’t be such a pessimist. Everything is going to be amazing. And whatever happens we will have something to tell stories about and laugh when we go back. See, you’re already laughing.”

You leaned your head back against his shoulder. “But how? How did we manage to get lost at the airport? It was so small!”

“In my defense the signs were confusing.”

“In my defense it was your fault! If you had listened to me from the beginning we wouldn’t have gotten lost. Following everyone else is always the safest bet.”

“Always?” Hoseok asked. “I thought you weren’t a follower.”

“Oh, forget it,” you said causing him to laugh.

The car wasn’t going fast, allowing you to take in the scenery. It was like a winter wonderland, the kind of view you would see in a movie. When Hoseok had told you you were going to Finland, after the initial surprise and denial, you’d thought you would be staying in Helsinki. It went without saying that like all of your other expectations for this winter break, it ended up being far from the truth.

Your destination wasn’t Helsinki but the northern part of Finland, because the cold at the capital city wasn’t enough for you apparently. You had no idea what you were doing there. It was so far North the cold was seeping into your bones and making your teeth clatter. You doubted there were any cities around there. You were very curious to see what kind of hotel you would be staying at, some kind of resort most likely.

The car stopped and the driver opened your door for you. He picked up your suitcases and told you to follow him. Hoseok squeezed your glove-covered hand in excitement. The road ended there and you had to tread through the snow. Good thing you had been clever enough to wear sturdy boots. Walking under snow covered trees that still maintained their leaves, looking more like snow had landed on them for aesthetic purposes, the Finnish man talked to you about the resort.

“Do you understand what he’s saying?” Hoseok whispered conspiratorially. You shushed him and turned your attention back to the man, which only made your boyfriend laugh. The man was speaking very clear English and you were sure that Hoseok could understand the basics just fine.

When you arrived at the place you would be staying you couldn’t suppress the gasp that escaped you. Like a small village, wooden cabins were scattered around the area. Your first impression of the resort was an image pulled out straight from a winter fairytale. The man led you to a cabin that was bigger and looked different from the rest. He left your suitcases by the entrance and after wishing you a nice stay he walked away.

“Welcome to the Kakslauttanen Arctic Resort,” the woman behind the desk greeted you. She was wearing a smile warmer than the fire burning in the fireplace. She had her black hair pulled up in a ponytail and was wearing a warm orange jacket. “I hope your flight was good.”

“It was, thank you,” you replied.

“Welcome to Finland then, you chose just the right time to visit. Winter is always the most beautiful here.” She picked up a pen and looked at the large book laying open in front of her. “A cabin in the name of Jung Hoseok, am I correct?”

“Yes,” Hoseok said.

The woman wrote something down then turned to type on the computer. “You’re all set. I see you have already paid for everything in advance, the full pack. Here is your key.” She gave it to Hoseok, a traditional brass key with beautiful designs. A piece of wood was attached on the ring with the cabin number carved on it. “Our resort offers an array of activities to ensure the best stay possible for our guests; skiing, snowboarding, horse-riding. I am sure you can find something to your liking. Everything is in here.” She handed a booklet to you, a photo of the northern lights on the cover.

“Thank you,” you said.

“Don’t hesitate to call us if you have any questions or need anything at all. Our staff will be happy to help.” Before you could thank her again, she continued,  “You can use the sleights outside to take your suitcases to your cabin and then leave them by the door. Someone will pick them up.”

“We’ll do that, thank you.”

“Thank you,” Hoseok repeated.

“Have a nice stay!”

Pushing the suitcases on the sleights was a little harder but also funnier than you had imagined. By the time you found your cabin, you were both red from laughter and had completely forgotten about the cold. You left the sleights by the door like the woman had told you and opened the door. The cabin was as beautiful inside as it was outside. Other than the brown of the wood, red was the prevalent color. Red rugs covered the floor, red curtains, a red couch and a heavy red duvet on the bed.

A fire was burning in the fireplace. You inhaled the aroma of burning wood, for some reason it made everything feel more real. You abandoned your suitcase trying to take everything in.

“There is a sauna here!” you shouted from the bathroom. “There is actually a sauna in our bathroom!”

Hoseok wrapped his arms around your waist, bumping his nose with yours. “Who is the best boyfriend ever?”

You pretended to think. “Most of my friends are single to be honest.” Hoseok knocked his head against yours, just with enough force to push your head back. “Ow! Alright, alright. It’s you, okay?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok cheered, picking you up and carrying you outside of the bathroom against your protests. He threw you on the bed and jumped next to you. “We’re going to have the best time here and you will forget all about University and studying. I don’t want to hear anything about textbooks and essays while we’re here.”

“Not even about that fascinating-” You were cut off by a pillow being thrown in your face. “Huh? So this is how it’s going to be? Get ready!” You picked up the pillow while Hoseok rushed to get the other one. Fortunately for you none of the pillows got torn while you hit each other with them. You couldn’t remember the last time you had laughed so much.

You fell back on the bed trying to catch your breath. Half of Hoseok’s body was out of the bed trying to reach the pillow that had fallen on the floor. You held on his foot. He was dangerously close to falling face first on the floor right next to the pillow.

“Oh god, now all the exhaustion is coming back,” you said, closing your eyes. Keeping them open was becoming too hard. It was still early in the morning, you had the whole day ahead of you.

Hoseok wriggled in your grasp. He had finally picked up the pillow. “Nap time!” he announced when he was safely back on the bed. “I want to see the huskies later.”

That was the last thing you heard before you gave into your exhaustion, thus you dreamed of snow and huskies and one of your professors chasing after you on a sleight. By all regards, it should have been more scary, but the way she stumbled and shrieked every time the sleight jostled extinguished any fear her appearance might have caused you.

When you woke up, Hoseok was already up, unpacking your suitcases. You would be staying at the resort for six days and it would be easier to store your clothes in the wardrobe. Yawning, you stretched your arms above the head.

“My sleeping beauty is awake,” Hoseok said, placing the shirt he was folding in the wardrobe. He knelt on the bed, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Did you sleep well?”

“The best I have in a while.” You leaned closer brushing your lips against his. Hoseok didn’t hesitate to pull you closer, smiling into the kiss. “Already got to working?”

“Someone has to do it and I wasn’t about to wake you up.”

You placed another kiss on his lips before getting up. “Let’s get this done with. I want to see the rest of this place.”

The resort was much larger than you had thought originally. There was a large restaurant, places like caves with the interior carved entirely from ice and a lot of areas dedicated to all the different activities the resort had to offer. You spent the rest of the morning strolling around, making plans for the rest of your stay. Now that you were here, you were determined to try everything. Hoseok was a little more apprehensive about some of the activities but he’d always had trouble saying no to you.

You ate lunch at the restaurant and you didn’t know if it was because you were really hungry or because of the atmosphere or because the food was actually that good but it was one of the best meals you’d ever had. Hoseok was making funny faces at you and you almost chocked on a meatball. You were shedding your stress like a snake changing skin.

In the afternoon you went to meet the huskies. They barked playfully and nibbled on your hands. You found out that they loved neck massages and after a few minutes of petting they demanded belly rubs. Hoseok was cooing the whole time, looking like he was debating taking one of them back home with him. You had similar thoughts.

“Come on, we need to go on a sleight ride. Look at these cuties, they are going to take care of us. Aren’t you? Aren’t you going to take care of us?” The dog sighed in pleasure as you rubbed his neck.

“We can go tomorrow,” Hoseok offered, eying the sleight.

“We can,” you agreed. “But we won’t. We will today. One day isn’t going to change anything. Just get on the sleight, I’ll be the one behind.”

“But-”

“Do you really want to be the one climbing at the back of the sleight?”

Yeah, Hoseok really couldn’t say no to you.

The sky was turning dark when you laid down on the second bed in the cabin. This one was right under the glass dome, granting you the perfect view of the Northern Lights. You had changed into your pajamas and cozied up under the covers with your head laying on Hoseok’s chest. The fire was still burning, the tiny sounds of the wood scorching wood interrupted the silence.

You took a deep breath. You had complained all the way here, at first because you were too afraid to fall behind your studying, then gradually to keep up the appearances. But after seeing this place… you couldn’t complain anymore. Not when Hoseok had taken you to what looked and felt like paradise on earth.

“Are you falling asleep?” Hoseok whispered.

“Not for a while yet,” you said. “I can feel the jet lag taking hold.”

He chuckled, tracing his fingers up your back. “Same. We’ll fight it together.”

Silence stretched for a few minutes. “Thank you. For bringing me here. I might be difficult some times but I really appreciate it. Sometimes I let my worries get the best of me. Thank you for being there to pull be back before I get lost in them.”

“I’ll always be there for you. Whatever those worries are, University, work, life, I’ll always be there to help you out.” His hands were surprisingly warm as they slipped under your shirt and caressed the small of your back. “We take care of each other.”

“Today was… Today was incredible. It made me realize that I have been in my head too much. I’m sorry for forgetting that I have such an amazing boyfriend I can rely on.”

Hoseok rubbed his nose against yours. “Forgiven. I’m sorry too for working too much and not paying more attention to my amazing girlfriend.”

You kissed him getting lost in the moment. When you opened your eyes again and glanced up, you were met with the sight of electric green swirls in the sky.

“Look,” you whispered against Hoseok’s lips. The lights brightened the night, their reflections shining in Hoseok’s eyes. It was the most beautiful sight you had ever seen. You intertwined your fingers with Hoseok’s as you watched the celestial dance of light across the sky.

[marmolita]

tagged by @getintherobot !

nickname: lita

star sign: virgo

height: 5'4"

time: it's 11:02pm and I'm getting ready for bed

birthday: in sept

favorite bands: ultimate favorite is L'Arc~en~Ciel! lately I have been listening to a lot of 00s and early 10s...I guess emo? maybe? uncertain. also discovered finnish band Happoradio and thoroughly enjoy them. also s/o to Queen.

favorite solo artists: 🤔🤔🤔 based on number of songs in my music library the answer is Carrie Underwood and Gackt

favorite scores: 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 Kundun

favorite foods: pretty much any dessert ever made, fresh bread, and a giant pile of other things bc I love a lot of food

favorite colors: anything that's not drab tbh, but maybe I kind of prefer jewel tones

last thing I googled: joe thornton dick trick interview

last show I watched: currently rewatching Hannibal with @freosan who hasn't seen it before! last new-to-me show I've been watching is buzzfeed unsolved (unless you count sitting in the same room while my kids watched the cuphead show tonight or rapunzel's tangled adventure recently)

last movie I watched: uhhhh...my kids watched the Lego movie last weekend. The last new movie I watched though was Encanto!

lucky number: 7

when did I create this blog: 2012

do I have any other blogs: a bunch of side blogs that I don't use anymore (several for ffxv fandom events, one for ao3-style summaries of farscape episodes, one that's an autofeed of ao3 fic about netflix Marco Polo, maybe at some point I had a softer world remix blog for some topic or other) and @garden-and-friends for pics of plants and bugs and animals in my yard, currently hibernating for the winter

do I get asks? occasionally! not as often as I used to back when 1) I was writing more and 2) more of fandom was on tumblr.

why did I choose my url: when I got back into fandom in 2012 after a ten year hiatus I needed to choose a new handle, so I jammed together references to two books I had recently read and enjoyed (I, Claudius, which provided "marmoset" which is where the "marmo" is from, and Lolita, which obvs provided the "lita," though please don't make wild anti-style assumptions here, if you do that just tells me you've never actually read the book)

blogs you follow: 292

dream trip: too many! I want to go to so many places, so idk if I'd call any a dream trip. the one that I suppose is a dream trip in the sense that it would be awesome but I don't have any plan to ever do it is Mongolia

instruments: violin and piano, though I have a recorder I can play too, and I can do viola in a pinch

average hours of sleep: idk 7?

how many blankets do you sleep with: at the moment I have two fleece, one minky, and one down duvet on my bed, but when it's not freezing out anymore that will change

tagging whoever wants to do it! I'm too lazy to pick people I'm sorry, it is now 11:26 and I'm actually in bed haha

[mugi-chan]

octa trio, jamil, and malleus with a fem s/o that often puts herself down

ლ  Content: Octa trio, Jamil, Malleus: S/o brings herself down

ლ  Warnings: Female S/o! Angst I think?

ლ Comments: I think I got so use to writing Gender neutral x reader post, that I may have forgotten how to write gender specific x reader. I also can’t write angst very well so Sorry ｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･��｡

He would frown by hearing you say such mean words to yourself

You came to the Mostro lounge all gloomy and sad 

Jade noticed you first and went to VIP room to tell Azul you have arrived

When he walked into the room he saw you slouched over the counter looking down at your phone

Azul had a small smile plastered on his face and walked over to you

You didn’t even turn to acknowledge him 

He sat next to you quietly 

“Hello my sweet Angel Fish, how are you?” 

He hears you mumble fine

He knows that tone of voice, everything is not fine

He place his staff down and gently took your hand into his

“Why don’t we go to my room?” A soft smile to a cold face, not even looking him in the eyes

When you get there you stood in the doorway shuffling your feet

“My angelfish what’s the matter” Azul tucked a hair behind your ear. 

“I hate how I look” 

Azul just stood there

“ w-what do you mean?”  

“I hate how I look, like I look so ugly. I don’t even know why your with me, someone like you deserve someone so much better” 

You didn’t turn to face him in fear of what his face is going to say. 

Azul walked up to you and wrapped his arms around your waist f

“Oh darling, why would you ever say that. I love everything about you and I mean every single part of your body” 

You try to protest but Azul would just keep rebutting everything you say

He wouldn’t stop until you believe his words 

To end it all off, Cuddles are given

Jade noticed that you where down in dumps than usual

He brought one of your favorite drinks from the mostro lounge to you

“Cheer up my dear guppy” 

Jade notice that his lovely (y/n) was mumbling under her breath 

“Is everything okay?” 

Jade would take his scarf and put it around you surrounding you with his scent 

You didn’t look at him at all you just pulled his scarf closer to you still mumbling 

“(y/n) my dear you need to speak up” 

“I feel ugly” 

Jade loves surprise but not this, not this at all 

“What do you ever mean?” 

“I feel like a horrible girlfriend, You treat me so well even though I can’t pass a single test or quiz I get. You're so handsome you can probably find another girl more beautiful and smarter than me.” 

You were holding back tears 

Jade was still recovering from the shock he was hit with 

He would grab a handkerchief and started wipe the tears rolling down

“Is that what you’ve been saying to yourself every time you failed a test?” 

A slight nod came from you 

He would heave a sigh and push your untouched drink towards you

You would look at him and a soft smile is on his face

He would tuck a hair behind your ear and a soft kiss on your forehead

“You shouldn’t put yourself down like that, you are very beautiful and if you needed help on studying for the test then you should have just asked me or Azul” 

You would just give a slight nod and started to drink your favorite drink 

Jade just gave a smile, watching you before Floyd came out calling him as Azul needed him to do something

He saw his little (y/n) down in the dumps 

He gave you a big surprise hug, which made you jump 

“(y/n)-chan why do you have that face on?” 

You just mumbled something under your breath

“Hm? You need to speak up, it’s a little annoying” 

Whoops not the right thing to say right now 

You just got out of the hug and walked away 

Eh? Why did you leave? 

Floyd was catching up to you real quickly, this man is tall he can get to with with half less steps than you

He easily caught up to you and cornered you in a hallway 

“Why are you running away?” 

“It’s because I’m annoying and I don’t want to bother you!” 

Eh? Floyd couldn’t really comprehend what you were trying to say but seeing you side makes him uneasy. 

He would see your eyes pricked with tears ready to burst any moment 

It reminded him of Azul when they were young 

He would sit there looking at you while you were holding back tears. 

He would look around seeing if anyone is around, when he sees no one is there he would pull you into him. 

“I don’t understand, but it would be annoying to hear Jade and Azul telling me off” 

He would try to help you, telling you that your not a bad person and shouldn’t put yourself down

He and Jade have done worse things before so don’t be sad! 

He’s not good with his emotions but he’s trying

He understands, he understands why you put yourself down

He has done it himself 

But to see you say that your not deserving of him stabs him in the heart

“Why would you ever say that? In reality I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you”

Now it’s just you two trying to cheer each other up. 

Jamil would see that your more in pain and heave a sigh

Would bring you to his room and let you relax in his bed 

He would tell you to stay there for a while 

And a while you waited more negative thoughts crept into your mind 

When Jamil came back he saw you hugging his pillow with tears strolling down your face. 

He would quickly place the trey he brought in and was beside your side in seconds

He would quickly put softly brush your tears away, giving you butterfly kisses everywhere

He just kept muttering “I love you” over and over again

Once you finally stopped crying he would bring the trey over and set it on his bed handing you a cup of your favorite drink

“(y/n) my princess what happened?” 

His mind was trying to compute what you were trying to say, (y/n) thinks she’s annoying me?, She believes that she can’t do anything right, and that everything seems to be going wrong. 

He listen to your words and once you finnish, you would look up to see the soft eyes of Jamil 

A sigh leaves his mouth as he pulls you into his chest. 

He would be stroking your hair and kissing your face giving a response to everything you just told him

“(y/n) you never get on my nerves, your the only one that never gets on my nerve” 

“Your right, you can’t do some things right but there are still a lot of things you CAN do right” 

“Things may be going wrong for now but it will never last for long.” 

He tries his best to help you, but when he couldn’t even take care of his own inner demons how could he possibly help his s/o?

All he can do is try

The nightly walks were different this time

You were much quieter than you normally was 

The silent walk was new but not unfamiliar to Malleus

“My darling what is the matter?”

You didn’t say anything you just kept walking with Malleus

Malleus understand if you don’t want to talk 

The walk was still silent all the way till your house came into view

That’s when you finally spoke something

“I’m so stupid” 

Malleus stopped in his tracks looking at your still walking figure

D-did she really said that she is stupid?

“What do you ever mean?” 

You started to explain everything about how you were not smart at all. You couldn’t grasp the concept of class and was always struggling with tests and quizzes. 

You were just a stupid little human, how could the prince of vally of thorns even glance at her direction? 

Malleus was trying to comprehend everything 

All he knew was to tell you sweet nothing as he started to stroke your hair 

It felt soothing and relaxing, something about Malleus has a calming aura

He cut your walk short and teleported you both to your room. 

He would set you on your bed and cuddle with you. 

Telling you sweet nothings and pillow talks help you ease your worries

“If you ever need help in class you should come to me and I can help you. I may not understand the subject but I can help you study for it.”

Would you like to order something? Look at our Tea shop rules first!

[mareliini]

(I post most of my art in insta nowadays. No link, but it's mareliiini, with three "i"s.)

Time to say final goodbyes to this hell year, as well for a full decade of art..

Year summary: like previous year, finding stuff to fill up some months was hard. I've had some big art bursts in early jan-feb, summer, and during autumn, when i produced several pieces in one sitting before fading into obscurity of life and knitting for months. My artistic balance has relied on to comic making schedule, honestly since 2011, so without that constant flow of crunching up pages weekly I was left wandering amiss and motivationless. I've always made a rule for myself with these yearly summaries, that I wont use comic pages unless there's nothing else that month to fill it up, and this year I couldn't even rely on that.

Decade summary: Started filling up the latter monstrosity of a dA meme back in 2014 and filling it up has been a yearly tradition ever since. It is so wild looking back. 2011 I had been in Uni for a year and haven't really drawn "seriously" ever, outside of private diary doodles and plastering my room with fish art (do not ask me about my finding nemo phase please) and surrealist charcoal renderings. Reliable access to internet and fandoms, and the whole culture of creating in those spaces is really what made me draw more reliably in the first place.

Home was always filled with art supplies (comes with dad being professional oil painter with a severe case of procrastination syndrome), so in a sense I've been priviledged for early and easy access to those... many gouaches and dip pen nibs I use still, are stolen from home drawers, not that I'd had had money to buy completely new art tech supplies on the fly. Only in recent years I've been comfortable enough with my income, that I could purchase better quality watercolor papers and ink sets, and not feel bad for using them regularily. For comic pages I still use cheaper paper, though that has been upgraded several times since the cheapest sketchbook paper I started with. You don't need Big Quality to make Good Art, but it makes the experience of making it a bit more fun.

Looking back, 2014 and 2015 seems to be most important turnaround time. I was breaking away from the mold I'd created my art identity around of, and growing tired of having story ideas but no original characters. I've had some in the early teen years, but I'd been comfortable for years with using pre-set characters from whatever fandom I was into at the time. And there's nothing wrong with that, I say as an avid fanfic reader, but at some point with making Hey it's summer! the frustration between story I wanted to tell and feel proud of, and the set of characters I had decided to work with, to the point of them being almost oc's in the au world, it just put everything in halt. I'm never going to finish HiS! because I cannot finish it with those characters, and cannot remove the story entirely from it's fandom roots even by made-up ocs. 2014 was largely spent on focusing oc's... I created a bunch of grandma characters for a story I'll never be clever enough to write, and then accidentally stumbled upon Jooel in a dream I wrote up and continued later (yeah they're there in 2014 row). I think most of Bus cast was created in that year, but I didn't have clear enough plan for it (and never had even during writing) untill some years and one cloud comic later.

2015 was Big Year for original writing, as well for everything else. Which is why I have to bring it up. As short detour as the tau fandom was, it granted me the first real friend group online, one which is still together now, give or take a few changes and dramas. It wasn't the main reason, but one of the big ones for me to get proper smart phone to keep connected to them outside evenings (biggest reason was neko atsume..... i wanted to feed my cats....). Cloud story was a wild experience I can never replicate, but also a memory I will always remember fondly. 2015 also was the year I started my three years government supported therapy, which I believe affected Bus a lot. I was really tired and couldn't bother to spent time to look for the perfect fit, so I ended up with a therapist who uh, I guess helped? some? Would not recommend my tactic but it was best I could do at the time. Before that bus had never been more than wild ride of found family tropes frollocing around finnish highways, it was a roadtrip story at heart with supposed collection of small moments of each character, of local problems and stories and people they meet with 4 equally written main characters. Therapy thethered it to one character and one town with whisps of its origin, but it provided a big supplement for the somewhat-working therapy sessions.

[mcrmadness]

Madness draws: Behind the Scenes of the Bela/Farin: “Widumihei” comic.

A few months ago I posted here this comic:

CLICK HERE for the original post about that comic where you can see it in better and bigger size, and also reblog it ;)

And this post is just a deep dive into how I plan, do and draw my comics.

Let’s start with sketchbook things...

So every comic needs a story, right? My comics usually are born from either some dialogue I imagine in my head or by an impulsive inspiration that happens when I see something or talk with people and a random idea is triggered. I’m very good at coming up with new ideas solely based on just one word or so which is why I often ask people if they have anything they would want to see/read because I suck at coming up ideas on my own. Or I do get ideas, but not as often as I’d want to.

This particular idea was very old and I have tried but I cannot find the piece that was my inspiration but it was in some of my old German books because I remember laughing at it with either my brother or even with the German teacher in 2011 or 2012. I was only able to find my first “sketch” of the story:

This is in the notebook I used for writing down some comic ideas and even had one comic in it, plus it’s also my fanfiction writing notebook. It has no date but I know for sure it was either 2011 or 2012 because that’s when I did my last Bela/Farin comic and pretty much started my (unintentional) 6 year pause from drawing altogether.

I have always been trilingual when I do these plans for my comics, often writing the “narration” in Finnish and the dialog either in English or German because I just cannot imagine them to speaking Finnish. The translation of that text goes as:

COMIC (sarjis = sarjakuva = comic book in Finnish)

1. The phone is ringing. 2. F: “Widumihei?!” B: ? 3. B: “Farin wtf?” 4. Farin walks from another room. 5. B: “Widumihei?” 6. F: “It means, “will you marry me?”“ 7. B: *wtf* REPLAY:

1. Bela is sitting/laying somewhere. 2. The phone is ringing. Reached with his hand? 3. Looks at the phone, “wtf?”, a thought: “von Jan: Widumihei?!” 4. Bela: “Farin?” / “Jan?” 5. F comes from another room, looks in from behind the door frame or something. B: “Widumihei?” 6. F: “Widumihei: “WIllst DU MIch HEiraten”“ 7. B: “WTF”

So when I then started to draw these comics again in 2018, I kept thinking about this one too and still wanted to draw it one day. If you have read the finished comic, you may notice something different in the old plot versus new: I switched Bela’s and Farin’s roles. Back then I didn’t know too much yet but over the years I have learnt much much more about them and I just figured that asking to marry him even as a joke would be too much for Farin and that it would fit Bela’s persona much much better.

***

I had a bit of problems with getting started with this one, mainly because the last times I drew a dä comic was in June 2020, in April 2020 and before those in October 2019. Because of so long time between the comics, I just always forgot about my methods and in which order I do things and what works for me the best. So every time I started to work on a comic, I had to start completely over because all I had was blank paper and I somehow needed to get my thoughts in order and out of my head, into a physical form aka as text and images on the paper, and it’s easier said than done.

So pardon me but from this on the text is going to get a little bit confusing for a little while from now on - but it’s also a very good look over how the life with my suspected ADHD be like sometimes...

I started working on the plot once again to my sketchbook... I think it was somewhere in the beginning of 2020. Because the next idea there is from the summer. This is what the plot looked like at that point - here I had already switched their roles:

Shortly, the texts go: 1. Farin is reading a book. 2. A phone makes a noise. 3. (Farin) looks at it/read the message. / 6. B appears into the doorway. / 11. F spits out the tea.

And underneath it you can see one of the stick figure storyboards I often do in order to kinda see the text in pictures better, and I will write down or draw important aspects like expressions (Farin’s eyebrows) or things like *facepalm’* or *eyeroll* so that I remember to add them.

Next I was struggling with the era. It needed to be an era with the old mobile phones with SMS options but still not too early because I feel that Farin would have not been the first in line to buy a brand new technology object, especially not when it’s a phone. I was even googling when did Germany get their first mobile phone - I remember I got my first phone aka Nokia 5510 in 2000 or 2001 after my mom got a new one and gave her old one to me, so the story shouldn’t happen too many years before the Millenium.

Originally I planned 1997 for that - I needed to think about that based on their styles because shorter hair is harder to draw. Here’s me trying out some hairs and how they’re to draw and which era would suit my needs the best. I actually find the text hilarious altho it’s mine but this is what it’s in English:

Time period -> 1996-1997? 1998 I’ve never drawn 1999 is not that much fun to draw 2000 is already a bit too late? Bela not that much fun to draw. -2001 moustaches are not fun to draw?

I think I was struggling with my thoughts because the next thing in that sketchbook is yet another storyboard:

Or actually I think this was just to see how many sheets I’d need and how many panels I could fit on one sheet.

Anyhow, I then did other things for some time before I got back to this project this year. Including finishing with the sketchbook I had been using since 2010 (and the half of it since 2018!) and I had to get myself a new one. So when I started to think about this comic again, one night I was just thinking about some Bela/Farin scenarios as usual and suddenly I just felt that I NEED to do the comic in the 1998 style!!! So suddenly we jump from the original 1997 idea to the new era, only because of the colors. 

So asap I grabbed my sketchbook and started to look for the proper colors for the hairs:

This one I posted here before too as I was struggling a lot and just felt that I didn’t know how to draw, again. Sometimes when I feel like that, I start drawing with my non-dominant aka left hand because it doesn’t have all that in muscle memory so drawing and writing with it feels more free and it feels almost like pressing a refresh button in my brain. Suddenly the right one know again how to draw because left isn’t too well in control. The below part of the image is done completely with the left hand, including the coloring.

And because I had now a new sketchbook, I somehow couldn’t... deal with the plot and plans being in a different sketchbook than everything else so I had write the plot/dialog AGAIN, into this new sketchbook, along with the storyboards and everything:

Translations: kirja = book, puhelin = phone, oviaukossa = in the doorway, teet suusta = tea(s) out of a/the mouth. “Puhelin zoom” just means “close up to the phone screen” in Madness.

You can also see that I found out that I don’t need to do the stick figure storyboards to imitate a sheet when I can just draw this rectangle and smaller rectangles inside of it and write there numbers to match the things in the dialog to make it much easier for me to plan the pages. And here’s also a small easter egg: there’s 13 panels overall in this comic :D I almost did 12 but then felt that no, I really need to do 13 because, you know, the hairs, the era, the album title. And also because I like the number so much lmao.

So from there we get to the second storyboard which is not just stick figures anymore but just me planning how I want the panels to look like. To get the imagery of the rooms and facial expressions etc. out onto the paper so that I can see them in real life instead of my shady imagination that sometimes isn’t as vivid as what I could be.

Also have you ever tried to draw a beach chair? It’s more difficult than you’d think:

I tried to draw the same thing from the same reference photos so many times and still I always felt like I was trying to draw that impossible triangle or some other illusion image. And it just went on and on here:

Originally I also had planned the second panel to be a close up of the phone so that Farin’s face would be left at the background from the frog perspective. That’s what I was trying to with that weird-ass face on the left but turned out that I have never drawn these characters from such angle and I just... couldn’t see it in my head clearly enough to be able to draw it. So I dismissed that idea and that’s why the angle changed from a phone close-up to a side view to the room and at Farin.

As I was in the middle of planning the second page, I suddenly wasn’t happy with my original plot anymore. I wasn’t sure if it would work and needed to think about it one more time. So I wrote two other dialogs here, along with a storyboards for them both. I ended up choosing B from those two options eventually.

I don’t remember anymore if I had already done the first sketch of the comics or not but at some point I just felt that I no longer knew how to draw in my style. Sometimes you just draw and learn wrong things and wrong methods that you get used to and then you have to take a break and actually do a little bit of studying over your own style to find again the way how you want to draw, and get rid of the bad habits and find the good ones again. In my case it was to draw the eyes way way too big when they originally never were THAT big, so I had to learn how to draw them small and normal again. That’s why I did these, as I really needed to pay attention to the faces and remember how to draw them again:

The front-side views were another big readong for this “study” because I have drawn that perspective only once or twice before and I needed to figure out how I want to draw that. Also, I don’t know if it’s just me but for some reason the front-side Farin reminds me of one of the parent characters from this cartoon called The Rugrats which I watched as a kid. It was totally unintentional, but you can google The Rugrats if you don’t know how the charatcers looked like in the cartoon.

The things below are just me testing something. The red Farins were just to test how the colored pencils work on each other and how the fineliners work with the colored pencils, and which way is the better way to do the shading. And the red colored pencil was the only one available at the time so that had to do.

A little bit about the heads btw: You might notice some difference between the left and right faces. It’s because I have always, always struggled with drawing anything that is looking at right. Most of the animal portraits and all I have drawn so that they look at left because I just find it so much easier to draw. I think with comics it’s because I always start with the eye (and the eyebrows if I don’t forget it) and then do the forehead, nose, mouth and chin, and after that I either continue from the hair (from the front) or do the ear first. But when I am drawing them to look at right, I have to basically draw the mirror image and starting from the hair is not the key because it can easily mess up with the perspectives. I still usually draw everything in the same order but it really is difficult because I’m doing a mirror image and my own hand is on the way, too. Basically I’m drawing from right to left instead of left to right! (I think I should try drawing those with my left hand, then...)

And from here we get to the first sketch of the comic. From here on the images are from my phone’s camera so they are sometimes illegally bad but no can do, I again didn’t think I’d post these to anywhere:

Here you can see I was mainly just focusing on the shapes and the space inside those panels. Just trying to see the perspective and how everything is. The only thing that I drew more precisely was the third panel, with the hand and phone. I had quite a nice memory of old phones in my head but I still googled for some reference photos of Nokia 5110 phones as that was my first phone (as I mentioned earlier), and I also happened to have some of my other old phones on the table nearby so I took my own hand reference photos too:

They always say there’s a little bit of the artist in their art and this one literally has that - “Farin’s” hand is actually my hand! :D And I think the size is kinda on point too because this phone was like 2-3 times smaller than Nokia 5110 and I have small hands, and I believe Farin must have much bigger hands, so the 5110 probably would have looked about the same size in his hand.

After the first sketch, the next step was then - the second sketch:

I also wanted to add more action to the panels so that it’s interesting to look at and not just basically the same panel over and over again with just different speech bubbles, so I came up with the idea of Farin spitting out his tea not being as cartoony as it could be and that he would have to actually clean it up instead of just leaving it there just because in cartoons/comics everything is possible. That way I got more depth into the panels and it was also interesting for me to draw because I drew lots of new postures I have never drawn before, and I’m surprised how well it went despite me not even looking for any kind of reference photos! The only things I used reference photos for were the beach chair, and the phone in a hand. (I have actually always been quite good at drawing 3D objects and spaces, especially if they are rectangular.)

So yeah, this is the phase where everything is then finished with pencil and what follows next is drawing the lines with fineliners - I use Sakura Pigma Micron fineliners for everything else, and black Promarker for doing the lines for the panels (and also if I need bigger pitch black areas done).

Here are the panel lines done but I only had a photo of this first sheet.

And here are both sheets with the finelining done and all pencil marks etc. erased. I really like this part because it looks so clean when all those sketch marks are gone. It’s also crazy to think I literally spend hours drawing something in pencil only to erase it all away later :D

And here’s one photo of the coloring process, the first one has only the base colors done but none of the shadows yet (apart from the shirts), and the second one has some of the shadows done but not everything yet.

Usually after coloring, I will then go through everything with the fineliners one more time to make sure all the lines are dark enough as it just gives everything the finished yet a bit “sketchy” look that what I really like with my comics. The actual last detail is always adding my signature along with the date or year.

And here’s the finished comic one more time for comparison:

Don’t forget to check and reblog the actual post about this comic if you read this post all the way here. I’d appreaciate that a lot since art and artist on Tumblr are not really that much appreciated.

[kaleidiope]

(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

So, apparently this the end of 2020′s reign? Here’s to clinging to the hope that 2021 is actually better. Though, I've heard some people have had a nice 2020. And that’s great, personally! Nothing will top 2019 for me personally. This year’s been rough, but still good. And I could sit here and talk about each and every thing. Like my regrets and so on. But really, I don’t want to do that. I rather think about the nice things. Yes, the bad needs attention.  But I have already learned as much as I could from my mistakes this year, so I  don’t wish to list them right now. I started and scraped my log post ideas. I posted my first cover. I made and posted vent art. I got better at art. I learned so much more about music creation. I learned more German and Swedish.  Started Japaneses, Finnish, Latin and Spanish. Even though i’m not focusing on them, I still started them. I started learning about Utau more. I learned more about myself. And got to be around people I care about more and seen a bit more into their lives. I continued more on my story. I started a story series. Started more cover and original song ideas. Learned more about tuning and animation. Found new artists and songs to jam to. Found new games and fandoms to enjoy. So far, the worst thing for me this year, is I started having way worse “Whatever the heck” as I call them. Might be anxiety attacks. But not going to straight up say it.  My brain’s been doing this weird thing where before I could actually understand and rationalize what was wrong, and think it through to a degree, but now it’s PANIC! RUN! BAD THINGS!! FEEL BAD!! why? DO!!! And it’s getting in the way of a few things now. I don’t like how my mind just goes blank to the point I can’t even remember things fully during these times. And distractions don’t work. These just happen. I feel them build, but I don’t know why.  But also, I don’t want to die. I’m actually afraid of it now in a small, odd, way. And have gotten a lot more squeamish, oddly. I used to be really stoned faced. Now things actually provoke reactions! So, that's a nice trade off. Emotions are painful and draining, but actually pretty cool! XD The very last thing I ever what to be, is edgy. But really, as a person who wanted to die when they were younger and no longer does. (I don’t wish to talk much about that as of now, but no one can tell me that came as a surprise.) I want to just say, you’ll never fully get rid of those feelings.  But instead, they’ll get smaller, and quieter. As to make room for the louder, happier things that’ll come into your life! All-in-all, here’s to that better tomorrow and I wish all of you self-growth, self-care, realization of self-worth, and self-love! My plans for next year is to work more on my main story, OUL.  And to work on my covers and post a few originals. Along with working to become better at understanding Swedish. I hope you are all having a great day! 

[crybabytoy59]

My begging letter reply...

I opened the letter attached to the box my hands shaking the whole time,opening the folded pink paper the page coming into view I read it...

Very well done Babyslave, that was a lovely Begging Letter you wrote so

given your genuine feelings we are going to let you visit us for a long weekend

so the following dates You will choose one to serve us as our “Babyslave”

01/05....07/05...14/05....

Once you give us Our weekend date you Will use what’s in this box as described With No Exceptions ! This part is Not up for negotiations, as we will

be checking that Our Toy is Obedient. You will Not be given a Safeword & will be at our Will as to how Your Training & Punishment are given (We will not harm you permanently or leave any lasting damage, other than the inevitable mental

Tormented harm that we are guessing you can pull upon later when you feel the “Need within”....

Now open the box.....Babyslave !

Still reading the line over “You will not be given a Safeword” my mind now racing over the prospect of this type of Dominant Control, something I had always fantasised over but the thought of actually submitting to this ?

So I lifted my small knife cutting the box open.

Inside the box was a pink pvc dress with white frilly hem and at the cuffs to the arms, over the chest was a heart shaped panel surrounded by the same white frills, in this was a cartoon character of Winnie the Pooh ! Next was a large pink disposable with Fairy prints on it, pvc see through pants they also had Winnie the Pooh bear front & rear, white Mary Jane socks and pink booties, a tube of hair removal cream, a rubber ring with balls on it ? some sort of powdered drink.

Also there was two gift cards one was for a hairdresser, the other was for a natural health shop.

Now getting excited over looking at the items from the box I found myself getting excited about the prospect of serving them both, looking at the dates I found the first date was perfect as I had No plans that weekend.

So excited I messaged them my date...a reply came back ...

That’s perfect Babyslave..Now book both appointments for the Friday morning they are close together so allow 2hrs for both so you will be Finnished for 10am,

after done you Will message us for instructions.Take your Dress ect in a back pack with you so they are ready.

We look forward to seeing you for your Obedience Training weekend Babyslave.

The next week dragged on but finally the Thursday came at 7pm I was.  Instructed to use the cream to remove all my hair feet to neck, the smell was not very nice but 30 mins later after a shower I stood completely void of hair !

A message came that I was to go straight to bed with No supper only my usual hot milk and honey.....in my terry Nappy & rubber pants with My pink baby doll nightie on....I was allowed to wet if I found the need but No poopies ! As usual No Cummies (It had been six weeks now with no relief Only frustration over the Pictures they sent me each day to look at teasing me endlessly at work at home they would come ..Pictures of sissy bondage Abdl art ect...

Friday morning I removed my soaking wet Nappy showered then headed with my back pack to the hairdresser.

On arrival I handed the girl my gift card “Hi you must be Tina’s friend, follow me please” the petite girl led me to a chair “Sit here Carla will be with you in a moment” as I sat nervously an older girl appeared behind me smiling “Hi am Carla nice to meet you” she put a black cover around my neck tied it on then pushed my head forward “Keep still please” I heard buzzing then felt the shaver on my head removing my hair not some of it All of it ! She shaved my head Bald then foam razor shaved it completely !..I sat stunned as she had not asked me anything just simply shaved me bald 👩‍🦲....

“There we go that ok for you ?” I smiled politely saying yes thank you, Carla smiled back “would you like some softness balm ? It’s free !” Again stammering slightly I spoke Emm’err yes thank you...Carla put some clear oil on her hands then started massaging it into my head her finger felt so good softly massaging my Now baud head she poke again “Tilt your head back for me.....(she rubbed my forehead & temples) Just a bit further back please” I forced my neck to arch back fully as she slowed the massaging even further ! It was pure heaven, then it struck me the oil was Baby Oil ! The distinct smell encircling my head invading My nostrils.

She tilted my head back up “That we Go Babe that’s you soft as a baby’s bottom” I went slightly red at her comment but she removed the apron then turned the chair to allow me to get up “Thanks for using us hope we will get to see you as a regular customer, you enjoy your weekend”

With that she walked away, I went out the shop the cool air hitting my newly shaved head felt strange but nice.

As they had told me the health shop was only a few minutes away, as I entered an assistant greeting me I gave Over the voucher “That’s lovely come this way” I followed her as we entered a room there was a bench with a raised bit it had a towel over it.  A girl in a uniform came into the room “Hi my name is Dee am going to give you your treatments today, have you had a colonics treatment before ?” I was totally stunned as I was under the impression I was having a mineral skin treatment not an internal treatment !

Stammering I told her no this was a first...she smiled warmly telling me it was very relaxing to have done and that I would feet great after the treatment.

She gave me a white gown then told me to just remove my clothes and lay over the raised part of the bed with my hips tummy down.

When she came back it was with a cart, lifting my gown she put a towel over my lower back, then gently patted My thighs “pull your legs up slightly & shoulder width apart please”.

This now made me feel very vulnerable & a tad embarrassed, as I thought this treatment was done on your back ? What did I know....”just relax am going to put a tube inside you Ok ?” I nodded then felt cold lube as the tube entered me, she inflated a ballon then I felt warm fluid enter me, but not filling Me it was going back out, just a light constant pressure...In fact it felt very nice.

She told me to relax & enjoy it as the treatment took around 45 minutes then she left the room, embarrassing as it was I fell asleep ! It was just so relaxing...

Dee returned simply removing the tube and wiped me down “That’s you I will leave you to Get dressed, just watch standing up as the treatment will make you feel light headed, did you enjoy it?” Yes Dee it was so relaxing thank you...

I got dressed lifted my backpack thanked her again & left feeling like I was floating!l

No sooner was I out the shop when I got a message “Ok now walk to Mac Donalds go to the bathroom & put on your nappy, pants, dress, tights...put your clothes back on with the Top of the dress neckline showing out of the top of your Tee Shirt then walk back towards the park, we will send you directions from there...Hurry Up Babyslave Don’t Keep us waiting!”

I went into the restaurant toilet stripping to put on my Baby attire! Once I was

dressed the walk to the park had me walking face down as I was sure everyone was looking at the white frilly rubber coming out of my Tee Shirt neck !

At the park a txt came “Well Done.. now go to the car park you will see a black van in the corner go to the side door face the bushes & Stand Completely Still”

As I walked to the van I felt myself swelling up inside the disposable Nappy ! But worse was the rubber ring with the balls around it at my scrotum was keeping the flow of blood from returning & I was now hard as a rock !! Turning to face the bushes my heart felt like it was going to burst from my chest !

The van door opened & I felt myself being pulled backwards “Close your eyes Babyslave Do Not Open them no Matter what Happens!”

As I was pulled backwards my coat was being removed then hearing the door slide shut,  I felt my trousers Being unfastened followed by my T-shirt Being removed !  “Clever girlie Babyslave look at you” a hood was being pulled over my head “Open Wide!” A Dummy was put into my mouth through the hole over my lips, this was quite large in size it felt like it was covered in small spikes ?Then I felt a head harness being pulled tightly on “Now Babyslave are you Wet ? (I shook my head) let’s just check (my plastic pants came down then my nappy tabs we’re removed & cool air hit my rear) “Clever girlie that’s just perfect, Now get on all fours & spread you’re leggies nice and Widespread..Clever girlie lift your tummy slightly cutie....(I felt a bench put under me then my legs cuffed apart, followed by my wrists being cuffed then pulled in front of me widely.

At this point I was aware the van was moving, she patted my rear then spoke “Just suckle on your Dummy Babyslave a wee short drive to a Quite location & we can prepare You for the trip home” she was sliding something up my shaft it was compressing my already engorged clitte ! The van came to a stop & the driver got into the back with her. I felt a large pair of hands lift my head as a strap was put to each chin from the belt over the small of my back holding me down...this had me whimpering as my head was forced into an unnatural backwards position ! I heard them both chuckle as she spoke to me..

“Now Babyslave were going to give you a wee taster of what’s in store for your Obedience Training This weekend, Off we Go !..Daddy...” I felt cold lib slide down the crack of my bum cheeks then someone straddling my widespread thighs !

She smiled at her husband as he squatted down lining up his member with the newly cleaned Fuck hole Dee had just cleaned in preparation! Only fifteen minutes ago Dee had messaged Mummy to tell her the treatment was done & they could message him. Now as she watched her hubby Very slowly enter there new Toy starting a slow rhythmic moment of fucking the spread eagle Sissy up the anal passage ! Mummy kissed his cheek..”Clever girlie Babyslave Remember Don’t Open your eyes As so far your being ever so Clever, aaaaww Daddy I can see tears forming...Big thrust now I think...(I could feel the first tears rolling down my face) Clever girlie Babyslave Open your eyes & look at me !” She was stunning even through tears I could see her leather clad figure !...

I had never been fucked by a man, I had fantasies about it but being straight I had never felt guy....but the humiliation of it did excite me....Now here I was Spread & being fucked as this gorgeous girl mocked me tears flowing from me freely now, I cried openly to her with a Deep want to give her my pent up tears..All of them held inside for so long struggled to get passed each other as they ran down my face in a race to be first to the floor of the van !

“Clever girlie Crybaby that’s the way....Big Deep Breath Now though as Daddy is going to Fuck You ever so Hard Now am Afraid !”

True to her word he suddenly took hold of the belt pounding my rear hard as I attempted to scream Mistress Mummy held me in a chocking Hold this muffled any sound I could make As he grunted out a climax Deep inside me !

But he was not the only one that had climaxed my seed was now in the tube over my clitte, as Mistress Mummy pulled it into a syringe...

“Look at this Master Daddy our Dirty wee Punishment Toy did a huge creammie for us ! Mistress Mummy was putting it to the dummy as I felt hot seed coming out of the wee spikes on the dummy teat !

“Clever girlie Crybaby suckle That Down !” I was undone from my position then had a maxi pad taped over my hole !! Then my nappy put back on followed by my pvc pants.They sat me in a chair cuffing my legs under me then my arms behind the seat. Mistress Mummy sat next to me, then Master Daddy drove Off heading home as we drove Mistress Mummy spoke to me “Crybaby Sweetheart can you feel Master Daddy’s gift oozing out Your Baby Fuck hole ?” She giggled as I nodded....”Don’t you fret though Pet as soon as we are home It’s Going To Be Mistress Mummy’s turn To abuse Her Toys fuck hole...Crybaby Your Going To Cry Real Tears then not these silly crocodile Tears here Pet !”......

Mistress Mummy lifted a small rubber hammer tapping the front of my Nappy she hit me with it over & over ....”Now Crybaby I want you to wet your Nappy before we get home...If You don’t I will Beat your down here until you Vomit, Ok Sweetheart?(I nodded) Clever girlie Crybaby Ok Off we go !” She hit me hard with the hammer...I could see Master Daddy smiling at her in the rear view mirror ! What had I gotten myself into.......

[veilingofthesun]

Catch Up Meme

I was tagged by @starlene , thank you so much!

Rules: Tag as many people as you want to catch up with or get to know better!

Three ships:

I don't know, I'm not in a very shippy mood at the moment... I guess I'll go with things I've recently seen where I saw a connection between two characters.

* I'm friendship shipping Lyra and Will from His dark materials. I love seeing how they support each other and work so well together. They really have each others backs completely.

* Benji and his sweet emo boyfriend Lukas from Björnstad. Lukas is the complete opposite of the guys Benji spends time with and you can tell it's where he can really let down his guard and be himself.

* And then my fav ships that never really changes... Natalie/Henry, Liz/Josh, Kate/Anne, Lucas/David. I think Lena/Daniel from Så som I himmelen has snuck into that list too... The more I think about their relationship, the more I see how good it really is.

Last songs listened to:

*The morning after from the Björnstad soundtrack

* I'll take lonely tonight by Tim Minchin

* Mountains Crave by Anna von Hausswolff

* Silverhöjd theme from the Jordskott season 1 soundtrack

* Gold Dust by Tori Amos

Currently watching:

I have watched quite a lot of series during the holidays, here's three that each had something special about them.

* Björnstad (Beartown) is a Swedish mini series set in the north of Sweden in a small town where most things and peoples lives are connected to the local ice hockey club. I never thought I would watch a series about ice hockey (since I don't get ice hockey at all) But it's about so much more than hockey. It's really the story about the people of a small town and what happens to them and the whole town when something big and traumatic happens that has connections to the junior hockey team. It sounds a bit vague, but I don't want to give too much away. It's actually the best Swedish TV serie I've seen in a very long time. Swedish TV series usually aren't very good.... There's just something about the direction/script/dialogue that can make a really great actor sound really stiff and unnatural. But this is the complete opposite. This one is very well written, directed and acted. Quite a lot of new faces and people that actually are from the north of Sweden, too. Plus it's shot on location in the north.

* Season 2 of His dark materials. I love the books and the first season was fantastic, so I was so excited about this. Season 2 is even better, it's hard to explain or give an example. I think it's the overall feel, the complete package. I don't want to say too much, because I don't want to spoil it for anyone. But there's so many great characters and they're really, really well casted too. I just love these series so much, they've adapted it really well and just thinking about it makes me smile. Plus, it just looks so good. The scenery, the daemons, the set...

*Us is a serie that I didn't know much about beforehand. I read a short summary about it. It's about a British married couple with a teenaged son (who's about to start university in the fall.) But before that they will spend the summer doing their dream tour of Europe, taking the train and visiting different countries and cities. I didn't have a lot of expectations beforehand. I mostly thought it would be fun to see the cities, seeing places I want to visit, and recognise places where I've been... But I was pleasently surprised. It's a beautiful, funny and sad story about this family. It felt genuine and not over the top or silly/fake. I really enjoyed it. Plus the scenery with pretty European towns is just lovely.

Currently reading:

Lisa och Lilly - En sann kärlekshistoria (Lisa and Lilly - a true love story) by Mian Lodalen. It's a beautifully written (although sad) book about two working class teenage girls in Stockholm and is set between 1910-1911. The girls did exist in real life and it has later been revealed that they were in love and in a relationship, but it was quietened down. I could go on and on about this book and how well written it is and how the characters and Stockholm in the early 1900's is described so well and vibrant that you really feel like you know them and that you're there. I'll stop now, but it's one of my absolute favourite reads. I can't stop thinking about it.

How’s it going:

Okayish, I think. I'm grateful that the store has survived the pandemic (so far) and that I still have a job to go to, back in february-april I wasn't sure of that at all.Happy that I'm healthy and have not gotten the virus. Worried and sad about some things and a bit tired. Missing the theatre, cinema and just sitting at a cafe or a restaurant. But it could be worse...

What are you looking forward to in 2021:

The vaccine and that the pandemic situation will start to turn around.

I'm looking forward to spring. It's a very special feeling when you start to notice that the days are getting longer and brighter and the air just smells so fresh. Spring is such a beautiful season. I don't know if it's because of the pandemic, but I'm more tired than usual of the long, dark and grey winter months. Also, a photographic exhibition that I really want to see is opening where I live during the spring. Hopefully, that won't be cancelled. It's a big space where they can control how many people they let in, so...

If it's possible (but I don't dare to hope too much) I would like to travel somewhere in Sweden to see a musical or two or three...

I love where I live, but I really want to visit another city and see something else even if it's just for a day or two...

I'm not optimistic about overseas travel. But, if it's possible, and this feels very far away at the moment, I would like to go to Finland in the fall to visit @starlene and see a Finnish production of a certain musical with her.

Any new year’s resolutions?

I’m very bad at deciding on new years resolutions and keeping them, so not really...

I tag @miyacantdecide @willowtree221 @amaliatheartist

You can answer as many questions you want:)

[ahtohallan-calling]

an unfortunate incident | a drabble set in my plane au/professor kristoff verse

The one where Kristoff accidentally backs into Anna with his car.

written with @gabiwnomagic‘s help

“Sofie!” Kristoff cried as he charged into the kitchen, Anna in his arms. “Call 911!”

The little girl’s jaw dropped, a cheerio falling from where it had been stuck to her lower lip. “Which one is the nine, Pappa?”

“She doesn’t have a phone, Kris,” Anna groaned, rubbing the back of her head. “Also, she’s three.”

“Hush, kjaere, you’re bleeding!”

“What the fu-- frick does that have to do with me talking?”

“What’s wrong with Mommy?” Sofie asked, her lip trembling now. 

“Nothing, Ducky, I-- Kristoff, at least make yourself useful if you’re going to be dramatic and carry me over there,” Anna said irritably, pointing towards the high chair, and he complied, clenching his hands tight enough around Anna’s shoulder and leg that she yelped in pain.

“What is it? Where does it hurt?” he cried, and she smacked his chest in frustration.

“Where you’re squeezing me, you big doof,” she said, a hint of amusement undercutting her irritation. “And you can set me down, thanks. It’s my elbow that’s bleeding, not my legs.”

He set her down after a moment’s hesitation, though he didn’t move an inch away from her even as she freed Sofie from the high chair and pulled her close, bouncing her gently. “Mommy’s fine,” she reassured the toddler. “We were just playing a game.”

“Oh, okay,” the little girl said with a sigh of relief, her head falling against her mother’s shoulder. “Can I have waffles?”

---

“Honey, you have to go to work.”

“I will, but you have to answer the question first, Anna.”

She crossed her arms; it would have looked less intimidating if she wasn’t sitting in the armchair, swaddled in a quilt, with an ice pack perched precariously on top of her head (which was the most ridiculous part of all, considering she’d hit the back of her head when she fell.) “It’s 1964. JFK is still the president, right? Nothing bad happened to him?”

“Ikke morsomt, skatten min,” he snapped from where he knelt in front of her.

“It is, too. Kris, baby, it’s fine. You hit me with your car. That probably happens to every couple at some point. I’m sure my mom wanted to hit my dad with hers more than once.”

His eyes widened in concern. “You think I wanted to hit you?”

She groaned and leaned forward to cup his face in her hands, the ice pack falling with a thunk onto the floor. “Kristoff. Honey. Love of my life. Father of my child. I know you did not want to hit me, but I also know that you are worrying way too much about an accident where nobody really got hurt when you need to be on your way to work.”

“But you are hurt. There’s already bruises on your elbow. And what if there’s-- what if there’s internal bleeding, or-- or brain bleeding, or you have an aneurysm--”

“Honey,” she pleaded, leaning further down to kiss his forehead, “you were backing out of the garage and tapped me, and if I hadn’t been halfway through taking a step I wouldn’t have even fallen. People don’t get internal bleeding from that.”

He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, knocking his glasses askew. “I’m so sorry, Anna. I...I never…”

She sighed and reached forward to affectionately straighten the glasses. “It was an accident. And it was partially my fault, anyway, for running behind the car to bring you your lunch. Oh!”

“What?” he gasped, frightened again.

“That was a good lunch, too,” she pouted, crossing her arms. “I put two kinds of cheese on your sandwich. But I think you stepped on it when you ran over screaming ‘dear God, what have I done’?”

“I didn’t do that, Anna,” he said, exasperated.

“Look, if you get to be dramatic, so do I.”

“Faen, kjaere,” he grumbled, “I feel bad enough already.”

She kissed the tip of his nose this time. “Then I’m sorry, too. Now we’re even. Go to work.”

“Gabrielle can cover my--”

“I will call and tell her what you did if you don’t go right now, so help me God, and you know she will never let you live it down.”

That got him scrambling for the door.

---

“Kris?” Anna asked groggily. “What’s wrong?”

“Anna? Are you okay? You sound funny. Do I need to come home?”

She groaned and shifted beneath Sofie where the little girl had fallen asleep on her chest while they were in the middle of a Disney Princess marathon. “No, we were just napping, and you woke me up.”

“Oh, good.”

“Good? I was having a great dream, just FYI.”

“Well, if you have a concussion, then you’re not supposed to sleep.”

“That’s not actually true. And I don’t have a concussion. Just an insane headache that gets worse when people talk.”

He was quiet for a long moment. “Are you mad at me?”

“For this phone call, yes. For hitting me with your car, no?”

He swore under his breath as a loud laugh came from his end. Anna winced and held the phone away from her ear. “Kristoff, are you on speakerphone?”

“He is,” came Gabrielle’s ecstatic voice. “He was making me ride to CVS with him before we went to Panera, but he wouldn’t say why. And now I know.”

Anna sighed and set a hand on Sofie’s back as the little girl began to stir. “Tell him to get me mac and cheese, okay? The full-sized one. In a bread bowl. And grilled cheese for Sofie.”

“Selvfølgelig, skatten min.”

“Using Norwegian in front of me is unfair, Bjorgman. Just because I’m the only one in the department to focus on Finnish--”

“Goodbye, both of you,” Anna said irritably before pressing the button to hang up, and she closed her eyes again.

A moment later, she heaved a sigh and lifted the phone again to tap out a text.

Jeg elsker deg, Kris. Stop worrying.

---

She hadn’t thought it was possible, but Kristoff held her even more tenderly than normal that night in bed, peppering her face with slow, soft kisses while he ran a hand gently up and down her spine. It took all her willpower to put a hand on his chest and push him just barely away, and the look of worry that immediately filled his eyes when she did so nearly made her wince.

“You really don’t have to feel this bad about it, honey,” she said softly, tracing her fingers along his cheekbone. “It was an accident that could have happened to anyone, and I’m fine.”

“But you could have been not fine,” he whispered. “What if I had really hurt you?”

She knew where this was coming from, why it tore so at him; she just hadn’t wanted to face it until they had the time to talk about it properly.

She brushed the tip of her nose gently against his. “I worry about losing you, too, sometimes,” she admitted. “Because I know-- we both know-- how fast things can happen.”

He drew a shuddering breath, his eyes sliding shut. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, skatten min. Today I...I know I was being ridiculous, but it was like...I couldn’t help it, Anna. I’m sorry. I just worry about you.”

“I know. I’m sorry I teased you.”

“I deserved it, I think.”

She laughed softly and nestled close to him again, smiling when his arms wrapped warmly around her. “You did. But I know it probably didn’t help.”

“It did. It reminded me that if you were okay enough to laugh at me, then surely you were going to be fine.”

“Well...I am a little sore,” she said sweetly, looking up at him through her lashes. “Like on my elbow. It’s bruised.”

“Are you going to make me kiss it better like I do for Sofie?”

She nodded, already leaning back and raising the injured arm. “It’s the only cure, Kristoff. Nothing else will make me feel better.”

“I thought you said the mac and cheese-- what was it? ‘Purged your body of agony and cured all wounds past, present, and future’, because it was that good?”

“I was a different woman then. I’ve changed.”

He obliged her then, kissing the aggrieved elbow and trailing a line of kisses up the rest of her arm and over her shoulder until he reached the corner of her jaw, where he left one lingering kiss before pulling her as close as he could to his chest, tucking her carefully under his chin before folding his arms securely around her.

Anna smiled and nuzzled her face against his neck. “I’m glad you hit me with your car if it ended up like this.”

He chuckled, the sound rumbling against her. “Do you want me to hit you again tomorrow?” he teased, and finally she relaxed fully against him, reassured that he, too, was going to be alright.

“No,” she replied cheerfully. “Tomorrow, it’s your turn.”