#also i had no idea it’s supposed to get like 7 books lol i thought it was a trilogy shfjshfj

[demigod-shenanigans]

Actual lengthy reply time finally (sorry this took me literally forever)

Yeah I did not want Leo to be alone right after this, and I didn’t want Piper to be alone with it either. Canon may refuse to let them go to Jason’s funeral, but I will let them grieve together, damn it!

The backstory/pre-plot part actually ended up being quite a bit more than just a prologue, it’s the first few chapters, but I hope it’ll still feel well-paced and fitting when we get around to the rest of them! I wanted to take the time to get into all the feelings and set up/resolve some stuff, plus sticking to the ToA timeline I had to get to the point where Apollo is back on Mount Olympus, which takes a minute. Most of it is relevant and will be back to haunt Leo later!

Responding to the bullet points by putting the relevant numbers in front (not sure why it apparently changed all of yours to 1. in this reblog, they’re correct if I look at your post?? Very strange)

2. Yep! Leo not feeling loved/worthy of love was a huge deal in HoO, and all canon did was put a girlfriend on it and pretend we’re good now, but we will not be doing that here! Leo will learn to recognize that he’s loved, and if it’s the last thing he does :)

4. This bugged me so much in HoO you have no idea. I actually kind of prefer HoO to pjo just because I adore all the characters, but plot wise it’s all over the place and we really miss out on a bunch of friendship stuff because it’s so focused on all the love triangles. I need more platonic Argo bonding!! Let them all be buddies!!

5. This is partially me being demiromantic but many if not all my favorite ships are characters that have strong platonic bonds first. Something something marrying your best friend. I also feel like Leo and Jason both took forever to realize they were into each other (Leo grumbling about Jason constantly being hot in his general vicinity being the reason why he doesn’t have a girlfriend will always crack me up, lol, and Jason spent so long doing what he thought he was supposed to/what was expected of him, including his relationship with Piper, that he didn’t really get to stop and properly have a sexuality crisis for ages) so I wanted to re-establish that for the fic, especially since valgrace fics are kind of split on whether they have jiper happen and break up like they did in canon or just never have them date at all

6. I couldn’t resist sneaking that one in. Insert lame Apollo dodgeball Leo Valdez joke LMAO

7. <3

That’s such a smart way to put it!! Leo is dealing with a lottt and we’re going to get into it a bit more in future chapters but yeah he’s definitely avoiding talking about some of it (in both the way that we the audience don’t see all of it and in him and Piper actively coping via distracting themselves and not talking about some of it)

Honest confession: I really struggle with Shel. I’m glad she exists, but she’s basically an OC when you try to work with her in fanon, because she really only exists to confirm Piper is sapphic and canon gives us absolutely no information on her. I know she’s Cherokee, I know she’s sapphic, I know she likes hiking and I think she has a piercing? That’s it. She’s just kind of a nothing character, which is fine in the books but makes it very hard to work with her in fanon content. Can we have at least a little additional input on her please? 🤲

Glad you think that works well!! Especially because I actually don’t find myself that funny? Though I think it probably helps that I’ve got a general tendency to get attached to traumatized joke coping characters, so I’m pretty familiar with it conceptually. The last book series I fixated on also did this a lot (intense explorations of grief briefly interrupted by memes LOL)

The audience knows stuff!! But Leo was not around for that! And he’s processing a lot at the moment but that just really makes it sink in how much he missed, both because he was gone for so long and also when he was there but so caught up in his own problems (and especially in seeing how “happy” Piper and Jason were apparently without him, because again Leo doesn’t feel worthy of love and has spent a lot of time in foster families who weren’t that great and made him feel like they’d eventually decide they didn’t want him anymore) that he didn’t see the cracks that Piper now tells him were there basically for the whole relationship. So yeah it’s a shock. On a lot of levels. But it’s a lot less earthshaking than the shock of Jason being gone, and therefore easier to focus on. The Piper related changes may or may not also hit him sometime in the near future ;)

Quotes section (please just in general know I’m delighted you did this it brings me suchhh joy to see what bits touched my readers the most):

-No spoilers, but I will say there’s a reason the fic starts out with memories of Esperanza. And yeah, the whole Jason situation is tearing open a lot of old wounds, specifically because of how similar it is: a situation Leo was unable to do anything to change that he feels responsible for (even though, realistically speaking, he isn’t). A loved one that got ripped away from him far too soon that he never got the chance to say goodbye to. A kind of desperate ache that nothing is ever going to fix.

I have a couple of grievances with ToA, and the way none of Jason’s loved ones are allowed to stay mad at Apollo is definitely one of them. Like, it’s established Jason died because of Apollo’s broken Styx prophecy! We’re told that’s the reason it happens!! Piper is the only one who gets to be mad at him at all, and even then she’s only upset for a single scene and has forgiven Apollo the next time they meet. Grief can be messy and nasty and people lash out sometimes! Not everyone needed to immediately be totally fine with the fact that Apollo got Jason killed!

-Glad you enjoyed that joke! I’m not super good with machinery so I worried I’d struggle with working that part into his narration but there’s some references to it I’m actually really happen with, and this is one of them :)

-Something something Leo is of the opinion that Piper should hate him how he hates himself! Also in this context, feeling a little evil about the fact that one of the reasons Leo doesn’t go to the Camp Jupiter funeral is that he thinks everyone would blame him for Jason’s death. The reality of it is that they wouldn’t! But when his mom died his aunt did blame him and so he automatically assumes that this time everyone will look at him and see that same blame written all over his face.

-English being my third language (technically second language going off of how well I actually speak it, I learnt French first but my French is shit lol), I’m really glad to hear it haha

-All of their lives are fucking weird, it’s a demigod thing, but Leo’s almost got everyone beat just based on the fact that the Queen of the Gods went out of her way to come babysit him. It’s even funnier because I’m pretty sure none of the others know this except for Piper and Jason. I wish we’d seen him tell Percy and Annabeth, I feel like that would have been a very funny interaction.

-There is something related to Leo in that box, which may or may not be something I’ve mentioned on this blog before ;)

-Unfortunately for Leo, there’s a bit more stuff he has to deal with before the Plot can start. For instance, the fact that he is (theoretically) in a relationship right now.

I’m so so glad you enjoyed this!! I’ve read and reread your comment a whole bunch of times now, and every time I do I get this huge grin on my face. This is the kind of comment i don’t get a lot but that when I do get it I’ll treasure literally forever. You made my whole month with this and it’s made me very excited to get back to the fic (which between exam phase and hospital stuff I haven’t gotten to work on nearly as much as I hoped lately)

The choiceless hope in grief

Summary: Leo Valdez has lived and died for the gods. Their war has shaped his life since he was a baby. With Gaia defeated, he sort of hopes he can finally rest. He has friends and some semblance of home to return to for the first time since he was eight years old. Just this once, he allows himself to hope the good things might stick.

But the gods aren’t done with them just yet, by the time Leo finds his way back, Jason is gone.

This time, Leo decides he’s done just taking the Fates’ bullshit lying down. If getting his best friend back means striking a deal with the gods and venturing into the Underworld… well, it’s probably not even the most reckless thing he’s ever done.

The caveat of said deal? He has to trust Jason will follow him, or his self-doubt will doom them both.

And after the life he’s lived, Leo is so intricately familiar with self-doubt that he could probably trademark the word.

Or: The only possible way for Orpheus to succeed is if he learns to think of himself as a person worth loving.

Word Count for chapter 1: ~5k

Rating: Teen and Up

So! *claps hands together* I’ve been threatening you guys with my Orpheus Eurydice valgrace fic for a while! Technically I wanted to wait to post this until I’m completely done writing the fic, and I mostly intend to stick to that! I’m only posting this now because I have a minor surgery tomorrow and I’d rather be anxious about fic related things than about the surgery in question. So, take this chapter as a preview of sorts, more to come soon-ish but probably not immediately!

A couple of important notes before we start:

-TW for suicidal ideation. It’s less Leo actually wanting to die and more his canon behavior of “I’m doing something extremely reckless that might succeed but if it doesn’t, my death is an acceptable consequence”, paired with general grief related self-loathing, but if you think you’re not in the right headspace to read about that, come back when you are or at least tread carefully. This fic pics up at the end of The Burning Maze, so especially the beginning is pretty heavy on the grief stuff.

-Since ToA is vaguely canon to this fic, Leo and Calypso are technically dating in the beginning, but they don’t really interact positively as a couple (honestly they don’t interact that much in general) and break up pretty early on. Just be aware in advance that they’re still together for a little bit.

-Fic title is from Talk by Hozier which is maybe a painfully obvious pick but it was too perfect for me not to use it.

Chapter 1: Leo and Piper have an extended sleepover

It wasn’t a discussion between Leo and Piper whether or not to go to Jason’s funeral. They came to the decision that they wouldn’t silently—or as silently as one could come to an agreement when all parties involved were sobbing.

Maybe it should have been a discussion. There was a part of Leo that worried he’d regret this later—his refusal to take this chance to say goodbye and let himself grieve.

But Leo remembered his mother’s funeral. Remembered the way his aunt Rosa had looked at him like she knew his mother’s death had been his fault. Leo couldn’t stand the thought of people looking at him like that again.

He also didn’t remember his mother’s funeral bringing him any sense of closure or comfort. He’d stood at her grave, afterwards, just as desperate and afraid and utterly inconsolable as he’d been before the funeral, except it had suddenly felt sickeningly final. The wound it had torn in his soul had kept bleeding for years, and the scars would stay forever. He didn’t need any of Apollo’s shitty oracles to know Jason’s death would be exactly the same.

At this point, Leo was pretty sure his sanity was being held together by a combination of jokes and a truly questionable amount of duct tape.

Beyond all that, though, Camp Jupiter was a battlefield right now. It would continue to be a battlefield for the foreseeable future.

Leo wasn’t a coward. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go back and help. But one of his best friends was already in a box, and there was no way in hell he’d risk the other.

With how tightly Piper was clinging to him, maybe she was thinking the same thing. 

For all his big talk about dragon escorts, Festus did most of the actual escorting on his own, occasionally torching what Leo hoped were monsters and not random public monuments. Leo, for his part, spent most of the journey crammed into the backseat of the car next to Piper, sandwiched between her and a bunch of moving boxes that seemed determined to flatten him into a Leo-shaped pancake whenever they took a sharp turn.

He’d spent so long thinking about seeing her and Jason again. 

He’d talked Calypso’s ear off about them the whole journey, to the point where it had clearly started to annoy her. He’d thought about various ridiculous entrances he could make, and the fact that he’d probably get yelled at, but he’d also thought about sitting together by the campfire, sharing nachos. He’d thought about Jason hugging him so fiercely that he couldn’t breathe, and Piper cussing him out while she held him, making him promise never to do anything that reckless again.

Now Piper was actually holding him, and Leo couldn’t feel anything. There was a numbness in his chest. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to ever feel happiness again. Hell, even if he did, what was the fucking point? Every time anything even remotely good happened in his life, it got ripped away from him again.

They didn’t talk a whole lot for most of the drive. They cried until it felt like they couldn’t anymore, clinging to each other like desperate children.

Even if they’d wanted to talk about what had happened, Piper’s dad was right there, and despite the Mist usually working overtime for them, having him overhear seemed like a gamble. Or, well, maybe that was what Leo told himself. Maybe he just wasn't sure he was ready to hear it all. He still felt like he couldn’t think. He was overwhelmed to hell and couldn’t stop fidgeting.

Several hours into the trip, his stomach started grumbling. Piper dug through the bag at her feet and offered him one of her PB&J sandwiches, but Leo couldn’t eat. He hadn’t skipped a meal in forever—he’d been homeless and unsure when he’d even get access to the next meal enough times that it had been all but tattooed into his skull that he couldn’t afford to—but he couldn’t even think about eating without feeling sick. He thought about Jason. He thought about the state he’d left Camp Jupiter in and the fact that they hadn’t even been able to give the dead their proper funeral rites.

Had Leo’s help made any difference at all? Had anything he’d done in his life changed things even slightly?

Leo knew the Fates had intended for it to be fire that fell—for him to burn in a bright, hot blaze and turn himself to charcoal. But he’d refused to stay dead like a good little pawn, and now Jason was gone, and it was all his fault.

He wasn’t sure how Piper could even look at him right now, but he was beyond grateful that she was holding onto him as tightly as she did. It was the only reason he didn’t fall to pieces completely. The cog at the heart of Leo’s machine had broken in a way that made it utterly beyond repair, and now it felt like a matter of time before the whole thing came apart. Piper holding him was the only reason his remaining pieces were still functioning. 

It should have been impossible for Leo to fall asleep under these circumstances, but he’d been traveling for hours and fighting before then and he’d cried out his remaining energy, so eventually, the world started to fade around him, reduced to just the sound of Piper’s breaths, until finally, those went, too.

~~~~

It would have been kinder, maybe, if Leo had dreamed up some shitty visions promising violent death and/or the end of the world. That would have been business as usual. 

Instead, he dreamed of his time on the Argo II—of one of those early nights when the different groups were still getting to know each other, having a brief moment to breathe between their ridiculous tasks and saving the world. 

It had seemed reasonable to catch each other up on what had happened on their end. Percy, Hazel and Frank had talked about rescuing Thanatos, and Piper, Jason and Leo had told them what had happened with Hera in turn. 

This would have been a boring intel conversation at best, seeing as Leo had been there for all of their part, but they’d grabbed snacks and sat on cushions on the floor and made it a whole bonding activity. Jason had been wedged between Piper and Leo, and they’d taken turns storytelling. 

And Jason had bragged. So much. But he hadn’t even had the decency to brag about himself like a normal human being. Instead, he’d talked about how capable Piper and Leo had been, somehow managing to make Leo sound like the coolest person he’d ever met. Which was ridiculous, considering he’d met everyone else on their team.

And sure, Leo made it sound like he thought he was amazing all the time, but he was exaggerating, which everyone, himself included, knew. 

Jason didn’t seem to have gotten the memo, though. He had one arm wrapped around Leo the whole evening, and he got all starry-eyed when he talked. 

“Leo took on three Cyclopes by himself. Three!”

“Dude, stop!” Leo had laughed, shaking his head. “I know I’m incredible and you’re blessed to be friends with me and stuff, but you weren’t even conscious for that part.”

“Still happened, though.” Jason had beamed at him. “You’re amazing, dude. I would have died about fifteen times on that mission if it hadn’t been for you. You guys should’ve seen him.”

It would have been easier if Leo had thought Jason was just trying to talk him up to the others to make them more willing to trust him after how badly he’d messed up in New Rome, but Jason wasn’t the type. He’d looked like he honestly believed every single word he was saying.

So, of course, Leo had refused to seriously deal with any of the things that made him feel.

“Sorry, Pipes, but I’m pretty sure your boyfriend is in love with me. It’s the fire powers, I’m afraid. I’m just too hot to resist,” Leo had joked instead, and Piper had untangled herself from Jason’s other side to throw Doritos at Leo, and everything had been right in the universe.

~~~~

Waking up from that, blearily blinking himself awake in the car full of moving boxes and remembering… that was a worse punch in the gut than waking up from most nightmares had been. And Leo should know. He’d had so many of those over the years that he was basically a certified nightmare expert at this point.

Leo wanted to go back in time and spend forever in that one evening, living it over and over and over again until the Fates or a temporal paradox or something eventually killed him. He wanted to hold on to what they’d been back then—the three of them together and happy and whole,back before they’d realized what the prophecy really meant. 

He wanted to stay wrapped in Jason’s arm and hear him laugh at whatever stupid joke Leo came up with while he and Piper threw snacks at each other like ten year olds. He wanted to believe he could actually be the person Jason was bragging about—this invincible hero that could do just about anything and saved people’s lives.

But Leo had never been that hero. Even his sacrifice had been the selfish decision of a coward who wasn’t ready to die just yet. Jason had been their Superman. The guy who could fly and threw lightning and saved people from falling to their deaths. Jason had been the hero. And ultimately, that had been what killed him.

Leo wasn’t exactly sure what he planned to do once they got to Oklahoma. He should have been heading back to the Waystation, to give Calypso the normal life he’d promised. But he wasn’t thinking about Calypso, or the Waystation, and the thought of a normal life had gone out of the window the second he’d seen the coffin. Besides, the Waystation would mean people asking questions, wanting to know about his mission and asking him to talk about his feelings, and he didn’t want that.

The only thing Leo really wanted to do right now was not think. 

By the time they got to the house, it was so late that cross-country dragon flight seemed inadvisable for visibility reasons alone, so Leo agreed to stay the night. Festus nuzzled him for a bit, got a fuel snack from the canister Leo had brought and then folded down into his million pound suitcase form for the night.

It took a little under two hours to carry all the boxes inside, which was an annoying amount of time to be carrying boxes but seemed like an absurdly short amount to move the contents of an entire life.

They spent some time in search of the necessities that needed to be unpacked, but the house was still furnished and also had running water and electricity as of a few days ago, so it wasn’t that bad.

While Piper went in search of some ancient camping gear so Leo wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor—this seemed silly to him, the floor was far from the worst place he’d ever slept—Leo asked Piper’s dad if he could help with dinner. 

Tristan looked relieved at his offer, actually. He’d been staring at the assorted vegetables with a slightly lost expression, trying to hack at one of the zucchinis with a butter knife. It seemed like he was trying to remember how cooking worked and had just discovered he had absolutely no idea. 

Considering how long he’d been an insanely rich guy with a personal cook, Leo guessed that actually might have been a pretty accurate read on the situation. 

“You might want to try a sharper knife,” Leo suggested, which made Piper’s dad look absolutely mortified. “Try not to chop off any of your fingers, though. I think Piper’s been traumatized enough for one week.”

The words were out of his mouth before Leo could think to stop them. Tristan didn’t laugh, but at least it didn’t seem like he’d be tossing Leo out of the house over this. Maybe he realized people sometimes said stupid shit when they were grieving. Maybe Piper had just warned him in advance that Leo was like this sometimes.

Tristan just went to find a different knife, which would have maybe been concerning if he hadn’t gone back to hacking at the vegetables a moment later.

“Well, at least this one is actually cutting through the zucchinis. That’s already an improvement.”

“Yeah, I’m basically a cooking expert,” Leo said with a grin, only half-joking. He went to peel and chop up the carrots, and was done with those and about half the mushrooms by the time the poor zucchini had been hacked to bits.

“You and Piper went to school together, right?” Tristan asked after a while of them quietly chopping vegetables for the casserole, trying to make sense of things with information he didn’t have and that, judging from past evidence, probably would have made his skull crack. “You and her and Jason.”

“Yeah. We went to Wilderness school together.” Leo winced, trying not to think too hard of Jason while also trying to remember the lies they’d already told Piper’s dad. At this rate, he was pretty worried his own skull would crack, too. “Then all three of us switched to a different school. Then I was gone for a while.”

Tristan nodded like this made perfect sense, though he mostly seemed lost in thought. That was a little rude, in Leo’s opinion. If he went through all that effort to remember their elaborate setup of lies, the least Piper’s dad could do was appreciate it!

“I’m glad you’re here now, with everything that’s happened. Piper was really upset when you left,” Tristan said, still with that faraway look in his eyes. “The last few months were hard for her. Between the move and the breakup, she really could have used a friend.”

Leo promptly lost all rights to make fun of Piper’s dad and his vegetable chopping skills because at the word ‘breakup’, the knife slipped and he nearly sliced off two of his fingers.

“Fuck! Ow!” he said eloquently, trying to avoid bleeding all over the cutting board in his attempt to get to the sink. “Jason and Piper broke up?”

The question sounded absurd even to his own ears. Why would Jason and Piper break up? They’d been happy together.

Surely, Piper’s dad had to be talking about something else.

To Leo’s shock, Tristan nodded.

“A while ago, yes,” he said, but he didn’t go into details—possibly because Leo was bleeding all over the sink. “We should bandage that. Do you think you need stitches?”

“No, the cuts aren’t that deep,” Leo decided, turning on the faucet and holding his bleeding hand under the stream of cold water. Maybe he should have been more concerned about the injury, but his mind was still whirring at the thought of his best friends breaking up. Unfortunately, the cold water stung like hell. He hissed with pain. “Sorry for making your kitchen look like a crime scene right after moving in. Usually, I at least have the decency to wait a day or two.”

Because the house was a small, cozy place and Leo had not had the decency to curse quietly, Piper appeared in the doorway a moment later, an alarmed expression on her face.

“What happened?”

“I’ve been bested by a stupid potato,” Leo cursed, holding up his bleeding hand and wiggling his fingers for emphasis. He figured out immediately that this was a mistake. “Ow.”

“Stop that, dumbass!” Piper cursed, moving to stand beside him. “Sink was the right call, but you need to use soap or the cuts could get infected. Dad, any chance we have gauze lying around somewhere?”

Tristan didn’t seem to question why his daughter had immediately jumped into emergency medical treatment mode. He just abandoned the cutting board and headed for the front door.

“Not exactly sure what box our regular medical supplies are in, but I’ll get the first aid kit from the car. I’ll be right back.”

“Do we have to do the soap?” Leo whined, because fuck, that stung, but Piper nodded with a scary expression on her face, so he complied. “How do you even know this stuff? Are we sure you’re not secretly an Apollo kid?”

“I know this stuff because I’m friends with a bunch of morons who have zero sense of self-preservation,” Piper cursed, gritting her teeth. “You shouldn’t be around knives when you’re this distracted.”

“I can usually cook just fine when I’m distracted. Your dad was the one who told me you and Jason broke up in the middle of this stupid potato,” Leo said defensively. “Is that the Mist messing with him?”

That was the only explanation his mind had supplied so far that made any sense to him.

Piper shook her head. “We really did break up. That was a few months ago.”

Leo felt his jaw hit the floor. 

“What the hell happened? You were together for ages. I thought- you always seemed so happy.”

“I know, but-” Piper broke off abruptly when her dad came back inside with the first aid kit. Demigod stuff, then?

Leo’s mind was racing. The breakup was a completely stupid thing to focus on, considering everything that had happened in the last few days. He knew that.

But it was easier to try and make sense of this than it was to try and make sense of the fact that Jason was gone and he’d never get to see him again.

“Is it alright if we do this somewhere else?” Piper asked her dad, taking the first aid kit from him.

“Of course. It might be easier to patch him up when you’re both sitting down, anyway.” He turned towards Leo. “Thank you for your help, but I think I can take it from here.”

Leo sent a silent prayer to whichever deity was responsible for protecting vegetables—Demeter, probably?—and gave what he hoped was an encouraging thumbs up with his uninjured hand before he followed Piper into the hallway to presumably be reprimanded some more.

~~~~ They ended up sitting on an old bed that looked like it had lived a long, miserable life and was excited for retirement, but the wooden frame thankfully didn’t break down under the weight of the new mattress or the additional weight of them sitting on said mattress. Piper explained that this had been her dad’s room when he’d lived here as a child, and that it would probably become her room now. Then she went very quiet and focused on bandaging his hand, clearly avoiding looking at him.

“It wasn’t because of me, was it?” Leo asked. The thought made him feel ill. “Please tell me it wasn’t something like, I don’t know, you two being unable to stand being around each other after what happened to me. I think I’d actually have to blow myself up again if it was.”

He tried to make it sound like a joke, but it didn’t feel like one at all. The thought that he'd managed to ruin his best friends’ relationship on top of everything else made it hard to breathe.

When Piper shook her head, it felt like a whole boulder was lifted off his shoulders.

“I actually think we would have broken up sooner if you hadn’t gone missing. We leaned on each other a lot after you disappeared. It wasn’t until we realized we wouldn’t find you and things started to settle down a little that I had time to think. And when I did…” Her voice went very quiet, and she still didn’t look up at him. “I realized I wasn’t happy in the relationship. I don’t think I ever was.”

“How did I not know that?” Leo wondered quietly. “I just… you two seemed happy to me. What kind of garbage best friend am I?”

Piper shook her head. “It isn’t your fault. I was telling myself I was happy for a long time. It’s almost- sometimes I wonder if I was charmspeaking myself. That maybe I kept saying I was in love with Jason until I convinced myself I actually was. And with Hera and my mom setting it up… I love-” her voice caught in her throat, and Leo felt like maybe he needed to throw up, “-loved Jason, but not like that.”

“Pipes, I’m really sorry.” Leo squeezed her shoulder. “That sounds like it was super hard for both of you.” Leo felt awful about the fact that he hadn’t even been around to comfort either of them, but it wasn’t like he could fix it now. It was just another item on Leo’s unending list of epic screwups he’d never be able to make up for.

“Jason was… well, he took it exactly like I expected him to. He was surprised, but he didn’t get angry or anything. He mostly seemed okay. Part of me wonders if maybe…” But whatever Piper had been thinking about, she seemed to decide it wasn’t important. “It was hard to get a proper read on him, and as nice as he was about it, things were still super awkward after. I'm terrified he died thinking I didn’t care about him.”

And then she was tearing up again, and Leo thought he would shatter if she cried. 

“He knew you cared,” he said as earnestly as he could manage, pulling Piper to his chest again. “You love way too annoyingly for him not to have known. Hell, even I know you love me, and we both know I’m a fucking nightmare when it comes to this stuff.”

“I missed you so much,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his back like it was the easiest thing in the world.

“Oh, I’m about to make you regret saying that,” Leo said, forcing himself to smile. “I’ll bring it up each and every time you say you find something I do annoying.”

“You’re annoying as hell, but you’re still my best friend.” He could feel her tears dripping onto his shoulder, and he knew that would make him start up again too. “I don’t know how I’d do this without you.”

And well, passing away from dehydration after crying too much would be a really lame way to die the second time, but everything was just too much right now, so if that was how he went, Leo wasn’t sure anyone could blame him.

~~~~

For the next couple of weeks, Leo stayed.

Helping Piper and her dad unpack was the perfect way to keep himself occupied and not have to think. Usually, a mundane task like this probably would have driven Leo nuts. But right now, it was a bit of a godsend—if not literally, at least figuratively. Being productive was always so much easier when it was done in order to avoid something you wanted to do even less. There was a reason his spaces in the foster homes had only ever been tidy when he had exams coming up.

He helped cook, too, and Piper’s dad became increasingly less garbage at it the longer this went on—like muscle memory was finally kicking in after years of disuse.

It was mostly good—listening to Piper reminisce about trips she’d taken with her dad and where she’d gotten the weird variety of items she kept in her room. When they weren’t unpacking, Leo and Piper played video games or watched movies or explored the area. Twice, during the night, they took Festus on a little flight to a nearby fast food place. Finding a parking spot was a bit of a nightmare, unfortunately. Leo would submit a complaint about their inability to accommodate celestial bronze dragons the first chance he got.

The first time they tried hiking—Leo didn’t even like hiking, he’d spent enough time outside for several lifetimes, why did he do this to himself—they got hopelessly lost in the woods, and of course, due to demigod bullshit, neither of them had brought a phone, so Google Maps wasn’t an option. It was probably for the better. The last thing that situation needed on top of them being lost was a monster attack. 

They were already jokingly planning out their new life in the woods when, thankfully, a girl their age came to their rescue.

“A human being! Thank the gods. The squirrels weren’t talking to us,” Leo greeted her, which had Piper shout “Please ignore Leo!” loudly from the branches of the tree she’d been climbing.

The girl lifted her head, spotted Piper and promptly burst out laughing.

“What in the world are you doing up there?” 

“Trying to get a better vantage point,” Piper sighed, making her way back down the tree. “We’re hopelessly lost.”

“Well, nice to meet you, hopelessly lost. I’m Shel,” the girl said, still grinning. Leo decided immediately that he liked her.

Piper had almost made it back down when she somehow missed a branch and fell the rest of the way. In comedic movie fashion, Shel moved before Leo had the chance to and caught her mid-tumble. “That was a bit of a dramatic way to get my attention, but you’re cute, so I’ll allow it.”

“Oh yeah, Piper’s got a bit of a thing with falling for people that way,” Leo commented, and Piper gave him her most murderous look while she got back on her feet.

“You guys need help getting back?”

“Please, yes,” Piper said immediately. “It turns out we’re both garbage with maps.”

“Maybe you just need a tour guide next time,” Shel suggested, winking at Piper, whose face turned scarlet. Leo wasn’t even mad about being the third wheel for once. He’d give her so much shit about this later.

And he did. And then Piper properly came out to him—no label or anything, mostly as extremely confused but sure she liked girls, which also made a few additional pieces click into place regarding her breakup with Jason. She ended her anxiety-riddled explanation by thanking Leo for being so normal and annoying about all this. 

Which was how Leo realized he’d apparently never told Piper he was bi.

Or maybe he had, and it had gotten lost along with their other memories of Wilderness. Stupid memory-stealing babysitters.

Well, at least they got to hug about it now. 

~~~~

It was strange how normal some days felt when nothing would ever truly be normal again. When in every moment Leo and Piper spent together, the gaping hole that had been ripped into their trio was so blatantly obvious.

The benefit and problem of this friendship was that Leo and Piper were both experts at not talking about things they were struggling with. 

This wasn’t exactly news. From what little Leo did remember of Wilderness School, they’d spent months not talking about his mom, or about the fact that Piper’s dad kept canceling their weekend plans. They’d both known there were things left unsaid, but as long as they’d been able to cheer each other up, that hadn’t really mattered. It made sense, honestly. Put two people who hadn’t had a shoulder to cry on for ages in a room together and see what happens!

Right now, this meant they were expertly ignoring the box of belongings Piper had picked up from Jason’s school. It had been pushed so far under the bed during that first night that it was no longer visible, and neither of them made any effort to move it out of its new home since. They ignored the topic of Jason, period, until it inevitably hit them in the face again. 

It was mostly dumb shit that set them off. Piper automatically reaching for vanilla ice cream at the grocery store because it was Jason’s favorite—seriously, who in their right mind even liked vanilla ice cream?

Sometimes, Leo would make a joke and burst into tears instead of laughing because he knew it would have cracked Jason up. They found old photos unpacking. One time, Piper’s dad suggested they make tacos and they started simultaneously bawling their eyes out.

Leo had spent a long time exactly like this—pretending everything was normal and okay when it wasn’t either of those things until he inevitably broke down. Then he’d started to actually feel sort of okay whenever he was with Jason and Piper. Now, he was sure he would spend the rest of his life pretending.

His appetite was too used to being stuck in survival mode for him to bow to nausea for long, so he went back to eating properly after a few days. He still cried himself to sleep most nights. He kept dreaming about Jason. The memories wrapped themselves around him like a safety blanket that he knew would get ripped away again in the morning. He always woke up feeling empty. Sometimes, he wished he could just go to sleep and never wake up again.

But other than that, it was mostly good.

Then demigod communications went back up, and everything went to hell.

———

Chapter notes:

Fun fact! I originally planned for this chapter (as well as the next few chapters) to just be backstory in my head and for me to maybe do a flashback or two. Unfortunately for me, Piper McLean waltzed into the room and refused to leave.

I do actually think the fic works better this way, but it will take a second to get to the plot! Hopefully you’ll enjoy the whole journey :)

I may not be able to have Leo and Piper go to Jason’s funeral without seriously messing with the plot of Tyrant’s Tomb, but I could at least pick the most evil reason possible for them not to go!

Side note: I sort of forgot that Hedge and Mellie were supposed to be here according to TBM, but by the time I remembered I already had this chapter written out and, as someone who cannot be bothered to figure out how to write them, I decided to just leave it. ToA is vaguely canon to this universe, but only for the most part. Some details are inaccurate, and I think that’s okay.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Comments and reblogs super, super appreciated as always!!

List of people that at some point asked to be tagged when I post this: @poppitron360 @ginnyluna @keefessketchbook (feel free to comment if you want to get taken off or be put on the tag list for future chapters!)

[goodlucktai]

tagged by @bobtheacorn like...... 3 weeks ago 😭 my bad

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

283

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,353,670

which seems.......excessive

3. What fandoms do you write for?

actively, one piece and tmnt, but that is ruled by the demons in my brain that control the hyperfixation machine.

fandoms ive posted 3 or more fics for:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends Good Omens Final Fantasy XV Undertale Mumintroll | Moomins Series Harry Potter Young Justice 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia 陈情令 | The Untamed King Falls AM Percy Jackson and the Olympians Rise of the Guardians Voltron: Legendary Defender

4. Top five fics by kudos?

Exclusivity - 11,116

walk straight through hell with a smile - 9,152

Inanition - 9,039

there is thunder in our hearts - 8,161

trouble is a friend of mine - 7,842

5. Do you respond to comments?

i do try to but i can't always :'( and i feel terrible if i manage to reply to most and then forget someone and only realize it months later. but i read every single comment and i appreciate them more than i have words for

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i tend to veer away from angst, but off the top of my head....

where the good men go or if i go i'm going on fire

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99% of my fics have a happy ending because thats my BRAND but i suppose give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around or the weekend we were in love OR put your empty hands in mine

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not often, but i recently had someone who REALLY disliked the way things change because i 'villainized' raph. which is definitely news to me, since raphael is the love of my life

9. Do you write smut?

nope

10. Craziest crossover?

i wrote a tmnt/one piece crossover once ? but now that we are actually getting a tmnt/naruto idw run it doesnt feel that weird to me anymore

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

only once if i'm remembering right ?? it was a long time ago and wattpad related, which is a site that i dont really understand and therefore tend to avoid

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes ! i'll often have people request to translate my stories and it blows me away every time

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Devil took your hand was written by myself and @moogsthewriter

14. All time favourite ship?

ineffable husbands, wangxian, or leosagi

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

how much time do you have 😭

16. What are your writing strengths?

i want to say characterization and narrative voice. i'm also pretty good at maintaining a throughline, even if it sometimes gets a little wobbly

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

conflict ! i hate it ! i will avoid writing it at all costs ! i also tend to struggle with writing fight scenes, especially when there are several characters involved :') staging any kind of choreography is my opp

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i try not to but if it feels unavoidable i google the heck out of it

19. First fandom you wrote in?

honestly it was either digimon (which also inspired my og penname) or xiaolin showdown lol

20. Favourite fic you've written?

i'm stealing bob's idea and going top 5:

there is thunder in our hearts - this story came together so easily for me, like i knew exactly how i wanted to tell it from start to finish

the only hoax i believe in - a kfam fic in my top 5s why yes and i'll tell you why. because i poured so much of myself into this fic that they could probably read it at my funeral instead of a eulogy

traveling so far to get there - after party au raph and mikey continue to take up so much real estate in my brain and for what

now the darkness comes alive - this one is more recent but im so happy with the way it turned out :')

if we could stay all day in the sun - it was a lot of fun reimagining one of my favorite fairy tales and doing a bunch of unnecessary research for this story i will stand by it until the day i die !!

i'm tagging @mykimouser, @owletstarlet, @portgas-d-aroace, @mad4turtles, @camsthisky, @remedyturtles, @pickledcarrotsandradish, @swordsmans, @mangogreent, and anyone else who wants to !

[romanticatheartt]

Rereading ACOTAR

Note: Before I start, this is not an anti post (well... maybe for Tam/in... definitely for him!) and if you think talking about the literal canon and call these unreal characters out on their flaws means that I hate these characters (which I do but that's my personal beef with Tamtam), then idk what to tell you lol

So 3 months ago after I read hofas I decided to reread acotar for the first time because I miss Feyre (and Rhysand... and the whole IC) like crazy. And I thought it be a good idea to read the original trilogy but since I'm a very mood reader I only read the first book lol. I had this post on my draft for 3 months now and I think I was scared to share them but now I don't really care.

I normally don't do rereads at all, my mind gets bored (I read my favorite scenes but never the whole book) so I decided to try something else and listen to the audiobook instead. And now I have thoughts!

This became longer than I intended but also I'm not going to add anything crazy that someone hadn't already pointed out so I'm just sharing some of my random notes (50 to be exact... it's long post) and thoughts of mine while reading this time around :)

This is definitely NOT a friendly-Tam/in post. If stating fact is considered as not friendly that is...

anyway ->

1. We have 2 chapter of the sisters in the beginning of the book and jeez both Nesta and Elain are the worst and as older sisters it pained me to read it for the first time. 2. I don't understand Elain, so I rather not talk about her and wait till her book comes out but she acts as a damsel in distress or be ignorant to the point Feyre questioning if she understand they're poor 💀 3. Although I have to admit, knowing Nesta now it was easier to go through it this time and not curse her in every page lol. But while reading the book I noticed that every time Feyre is thinking negatively of herself the voice in her head is the voice of Nesta. or whenever she wants to scolds herself, she call herself the names Nesta had called her. and it breaks my heart:

"and the part of me that spoke with Nesta’s voice had laughed at the idea of an ignorant human trying to admire faerie art."

"A half-wild beast, Nesta had called me." (2 times)

"Illiterate, ignorant, unremarkable, proud, cold—all spoken from Nesta’s mouth, all echoing in my head with her sneering voice."

4. Later on we see her actually coming after Feyre to saves her but this doesn't changes the fact that she verbally abused Feyre (and she acknowledge it!! trauma or not she abused Feyre to the point it left a mark on her so please don't turn her into a saint after one act of kindness lol) 5. There isn't much to say about papa Archeron except that he wasn't a great father. I understand depression have different effects on different people, but trauma is no excuse for how he was as a father (I genuinely believe a true parent would do anything for their children but some people are not cut out to be one and it's alright. but once you bring them into this world you have to guarantee that you can provide for them because they didn't choose to be in this life) 6. I know for a fact that if Feyre hadn't promised her mother to protect her family and didn't have a purpose to live her life, she would've been worse than Nesta. Because when she was in Spring Court, for at least 5 times she was guilt-ridden, thinking her family doesn't care about her at all (specially Nesta) or thinking about her shortcomings… (and like I said Nesta had a big role in these kind of thinking) 7. The first Feysand foreshadow was her painting night sky on her drawer<3 8. Lucien and Tam/in (specially Lucien) were so dramatic on their hate toward Feyre? she triggered a 48 years curse. It was always suppose to be this way. Andres knew what he was doing and accepted the fact that he might die. yes you can grieve but It's not really her fault now is it?

9. “You go somewhere new—and you make a name for yourself.”

^: well she definitely did that… 10. One of the things I noticed is that Tam/in was never NEVER Lucien's friend. he was Lucien's High Lord first then his friend and it's obvious from their very first scenes.

11. “We’re not going to bite.” Lucien’s white teeth gleamed in a way that suggested otherwise.

^: him and Cassian will get along well... 12. Feyre hates hunting... she says that to both Lucien and Tam/in. she does that out of necessity, if it's provoked. and not for the first time I realized Feyre is a mix of both Nesta and Elain. 13. Did we all got the vibe that Timtam was mad at Lucien spending time with Feyre because he knew he didn't have a chance once Lucien opens his mouth? 14. Feyre had real fear for Tam/in. in so many occasion we have her being genuinely scared of him. he even said it himself:

"But I could smell the fear on you, more than anything."

And in acomaf we have Rhysand saying he never felt fear of him from Feyre. and when they were UTM Feyre question herself that why she was always so quiet and submissive (not excatly the word she uses) toward Tam/in but with Rhysand she doesn't have that instinct. 15. This ship is the definition of Someone who doesn't know how to love x Someone who has never been loved and that's never a good pairing in any world. it takes one to be in a relationship with someone like Tam/in to understand that... 16. She always felt little, weak, stupid and so very human with Tam/in and Lucien and they never hide their feeling on the matter. 17. Feyre is such baddie istg... she killed a faerie, then went for a stroll and captured a suriel, THEN killed 2 nagas and a fkn wyrm while being a human... GURL- 18. Okay apparently every one says mature age in acotar world was retcon but Alis was talking about lesser fae not high fae? or specially their kind? idk I read that scene and all she was talking about was their kind and not high fae. 19. Timtam was never in control of his power... his power and anger had him on a leash not the other way around. 20. Feyre is always honry (LMAO)... but the sad part is Tam/in never matched her passion. he was always afraid that he's going to hurt her with his claws and bla bla bla BUT MY GIRL wanted him to claw at her💀 savage lol. all I'm saying is that he never gave all of himself to Feyre. 21. It always piss me off that Tam/in never taught her how to write and read. (and ig we all know why) 22. In chapter 19 we have Feyre asking if Fae can be mated to humans and in the next chapter we have Calamnai and something in her chest was pulling her to go and see and next thing we know she met Rhysand (aka her mate)

23. "There you are. I've been looking for you,"

^: PEOPLE DIED! 24. Imagine reading Feyre saying before her was the most beautiful man she has ever seen and not to think that it's fkn over for Tam/in lmao (point to this post of mine) It's also hilarious when she saw Tam/in after his mask was removed, she was like "handsome👍🏼" 25. Rhysand is such Theater kid istg (specially after hofas, the way he was just showing off)... he's like let me show her some tricks *walk around her and stars ripple from him* *blinking to show off the stars in his eye* *PURR* OK PEACOCK! 26. May I ask why on earth we never had a sex party like Calamnai in Night Court? I'm actually so mad because we lost the greatest opportunity WTF? Feyre was so hot and bothered about it and the reason they told her to stay at the manor was because Tam/in knew he will choose her and Feyre was like "oMg hE wOuLd chOoHe mE?" *tuck her hair behind her ear* girl- IT WOULD'VE FIT FEYSAND SO FKN WELL... maybe not on acomaf (even if it could be so healing) or acowar... BUT ACOFAS WAS RIGHT THERE!!! 27. One of the things I hate about the events after Calamnai is Lucien and Tam/in laughing at Feyre... ok... you weren't yourself, but the least you could do was to apologize for hurting and scaring her. it give off the vibe when people say "why was she out so late at night? what was she wearing?" it genuinely made me uncomfortable like the first time. 27. Something I noticed when I read the book for the first and I went 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩:

“No, I don’t want you to live somewhere else. I want you here, where I can look after you—where I can come home and know you’re here, painting and safe.”

"But his glamour had been ripped away. His auburn hair burned like hot metal, and his russet eye smoldered like a bottomless forge."

Damn I was right... 28. Tam/in always kept the truth from her, even the truth that wasn't a part of the curse :) 29. When Feyre drank that faerie wine she saw through Lucien's glamour... does he always have that glamour?:

interesting... 30. Tam/in is fkn coward! in more than 2 occasions Feyre was like why he's not attacking Rhys? why he's not kicking him out? and mf never once tried to stop Rhysand. NOT ONCE. yknow... sometimes in romance novels when you see your loved one in danger you don't care if he's the most powerful being in the world you just act and try to save the ones you love even if you don't win (and we know someone does exactly that at the end of the book)... it's effort that matters!!! and this doesn't stop here either it's even worse at UTM... 31. it's funny that Feyre is "in love" with Tam/in but doesn't stop to appreciate the beauty (Rhysand), even if he's in his villain era and making the love of her life beg on his knee and breaching her own mind... 32. Why Rhysand never called Feyre "love" anymore? the first time I read it I had put away my phone and take a deep breath lol. just like that "good girl" he called her at UTM... sjm knew I would've died if she used it more. 33. Never say never... Lucien:

“Those clothes are enough to convince me I never want to enter the human realm.”

The Mother humbled him real quick lmao. 34. ELAIN IS NOT AN INTROVERT FFS I'm so tried at everyone calling Elain an introvert while she's a social butterfly and we see that in this book!! and it pains me to see Elain stans are like "I'm a introvert myself so I understand Elain..." no you don't. she's traumatized, she's at her lowest in acosf. just because, like Nesta, she doesn't throw tantrums and drown herself in alcohol and sex means she's fine? you should be more worried for the person who looks fine!! 35. I adored the scene where Feyre teaches Nesta how to paint🥹 it just warms my heart<3 and now that Feyre has a art studio I want to see them paint together again or read Nesta's smutty books together at HoW!! (I read a fanfic that Nesta teaches Feyre how to read with a stick on the snow pre-canon and it just warmed my heart<3 don't get me wrong I love how Rhys taught her lol but there's something else in sisterhood...)

36. “There is a better world, Nesta. There is a better world out there, waiting for you to find it. And if I ever get the chance, if things are ever better, safer … I will find you again.”

^: Stop...😭

37. “Amarantha is High Queen of this land. The High Queen of Prythian,” Alis breathed, her eyes wide with some memory of horror.

^: That's why the whole high king and high queen will never work. people will never accept one even if they're a just person. they had the worst experience for 49 years. they can never trust a person to rule for all like that again. and honestly I hate the whole thing bye... 38. To me Amarantha and Tam/in are mates... for obvious reasons and it's fitting! idc what anyone else says 39. The whole chapter where she kills that wyrm is so hot!! and the fact that she's human and she's so calculated and plans in the span of few minutes to kill it and doesn't just attack and uses her brain instead is so hot!! I understand why Rhys fell in love!! *HOFAS spoiler* and it's funny to me how an Illyrian, a Starborn and a Valkyrie with a deadly mask struggled to kill the wyrm 😭💀 40. The only person, THE ONLY ONE who bet on her that she'll survive? who would that be? THE LOVE HER LIFE? no... and that's not something to just move on from! there's only two assumption we can make. one, he never believed in her to begin with, two, he's a fkn coward... which I think it's both. Rhysand was r*ped and tortured for 49 years and he never stopped helping Feyre and believing in her. and knowing Amarantha wouldn't be pleased with betting on Feyre, he still did it... 41. UTM Rhys supremacy... That's it. don't ask me anything... 42. How Feyre remembered the riddle for 2.5 months is beyond me... 43. Feyre appreciating Rhysand's beauty so randomly like... GIRL FOCUS!! 44. When Feyre questions her reason for why she's doing all these, for "just a few decades", should've been the sign... 45. How Tam/in finding a way to get Feyre alone right before the night of her last trial pissed me off the first time I read it… the fact that this was a goodbye to him. That in the past 3 months he didn't try to even react to her but the night before her last trial decided to fuck her instead of helping her to get out… he can find a way now, he can get out of Amarantha sight for more than 5 minutes to fuck her, but he couldn't have done that in the past 2.5 months… yeah sure this is true love. like I said it's the effort that matters not whether you succeeded in it... Tam/in disgusts me for a better word. 46. no note... *sound of my heart breaking*:

“When you healed my arm … You didn’t need to bargain with me. You could have demanded every single week of the year. Every single week, and I would have said yes.”

"And if you had any stomach for cruelty, you’d go to Amarantha and tell her the truth about her whore. Perhaps she’d give you Tamlin for it.”

“I know,”

47. This MF sat there until he got healed while every bone in Feyre's body was breaking and when he somewhat healed he began kneeling and begging?... KNEELING AND BEGGING!! JUST FKN KILL HER! (the way Feyre kept saying that) I don't want to hear one single word about how he was injured, bla bla bla he's a fkn high lord and a warrior I'm sure he experienced worse. the least he could do, was his fkn best to stop Amarantha. and this time around reading it piss me off so bad that I wanted to throw my phone out of the window... but you know who got up even when he didn't have his full powers? to save her, to kill Amarantha, to die with her because he didn't want her to be alone while she died? yeah... The fact that the first time I read it I thought this was the reason Feyre was going to leave him and what did she do?... my girl has no self-respect istg... Love blinds people I suppose... 48. Whenever Tam/in touched Feyre after this whole thing I wanted to throw up... when he cradled her dead body? oh I wanted Rhysand to mist him so fkn bad. he doesn't deserve to touch her, he didn't deserved Feyre's love, not once... 49. In my language we have an expression "whoever does the final task, they are the one who finished the job" obviously in my language it has more rhyme to it lol but it's a silly idiom and a stupid one at that; and When people start thanking Tam/in I was like: FOR WHAT EXACTLY? he just killed Amarantha at the last minute while he watch Feyre getting tortured? he just sat for 2.5 months while Feyre and Rhysand (and Lucien) do the works to free not just him but the whole Prythian... all the while he was in his home and you lot were imprisoned UTM, away from your home... who are you thanking to? (at least they thanked Feyre as well...) 50. Feysand's balcony scene has a special place in my heart:

“Why?”

“Because when the legends get written, I didn’t want to be remembered for standing on the sidelines. I want my future offspring to know that I was there, and that I fought against her at the end, even if I couldn’t do anything useful.”

“Because, I didn’t want you to fight alone. Or die alone.”

“Thank you,”

“You never told me you loved the wings—or the flying.”

“Everything I love has always had a tendency to be taken from me. I tell very few about the wings. Or the flying.”

“Be glad of your human heart, Feyre. Pity those who don’t feel anything at all.”

whew... sorry this is so long! if you read this till the end I LOVE YOU. anyway I might do one for acomaf as well whenever I reread it. and I'm pretty sure Tam/in is going to make me see red even more than the first time!!

And I'm glad I was one of those few who saw the red flags in Tam/in even for the first time...

first time read: ⭐⭐⭐

second time read: ⭐⭐⭐.5

I noticed so many foreshadow in this book! and so many other 🚩that I didn't noticed for the first time! for some reason I can't give this book 4 stars because I tired to go easy on Tam/in but it got worse lmao💀

[autumnsnuggling]

20 questions for fic writers!

Thanks for the tag @maesterchill! I haven't done something like this in so long lol.

I took a leaf from your book and put my answers under the cut :D

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Somehow I have 103 lol. Most of them drabbles, but a few mid-length fics.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

170,290. Told you lots of them are drabbles lol.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter!! And 99% of them are Drarry lol

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. It Began with a Royal Sticky Mess - 5.5k, T, too many adjectives lol. 2. The Boy Who Lived (To Not Be a Boy) - 26k, T, the long fic I'm probably proudest of. 3. Healing Scars - 2.2k, T, heed the warnings but I enjoyed writing it lol. 4. Then Time Stood Still - 4.2k, T, sequel to It Began with a Royal Sticky Mess, still too many adjectives lol. 5. Worth It - 8.7k, T, my last TransFest Fic, also super proud of it!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try, but I have failed epically for the last year or so lol. I always want to because I feel like it is so nice to hear back from authors, and because I want people to know how much I appreciate their comments, but I struggle to because life is busy and I find it a little draining, tbh

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ooh, good question. Um, probably He Didn't Know (270 words, T). It's from my early writing days so the style isn't great, but it's definitely angsty lol.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

God, somehow that's even harder. Um... okay, having reviewed my fics, the funny thing is, many of them don't have what I would consider to be 'happy' endings lol. I do lots of endings where the angst is resolved and they're comforted, but I wouldn't call it happy lol. It's because I'm a real sucker for showing life often continues so more is out to be resolved. That means that the main happy ending fic I have is The Boy Who Lived (To Not Be a Boy).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, no!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I am dabbling in it, but it's definitely not my comfort zone. I currently have 1 explicit fic, and 4 mature lol.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Absolutely not lol. I haven't ever really been interested in crossovers, or been passionate about another fandom to want one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! A few, actually. It's always such an honour.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Definitely! @stargazing-enby and I have written a few, and I got to trade WIPs with a few others, which has always been fun and really helpful!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

No points for guessing lol.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I am yet to give up on ANY of mine lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

Um? Coming up with ideas? I have no idea lol

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Uuuhhhh... Genuinely feel this changes lol. Though I suppose a theme that's come up is figuring out how to translate the story into words...

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't think I have thoughts on it lol. I love the idea to provide diversity and depth to character, though!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Stealing Maester's answer as it's the same lol Harry Potter. First and only!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

A lot of my favourites have already been mentioned, but I really like Another Way! (1.1k, T)

Thanks so much for the tag, I don't know who's done this, but I'll tag @stargazing-enby, @ununquadius, and @nv-md (no pressure).

[coralhoneyrose]

Alrighty, ask meme! I'll have 4, 7, 14, and 38, if you please!

Ahhh, thank you so much for the ask! :D

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Not a *whole* lot, honestly! The only idea I am truly ‘nurturing’ (as in actively helping it to grow) is Half Orange. If you broaden that to also include stuff I have taken the time to make some sort of slapdash outline for, then there are four others. One I don’t think I’ve talked about on here before is a humorous, family fluff one-shot from the POV of Morgan when he is in his late teens and struggling to come to terms with how cringe and mushy and embarrassing his parents are about their love for each other once Robin returns post-sacrifice LOL

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

A memory strikes him suddenly, illuminated as if by a stray sunbeam, of huddling midst the shelves with his sisters, Emmeryn reading him and Lissa some old Ylissean fairytale while a storm pounded down overhead and lightning flashes made a glowing tapestry of the colored glass.

He doubts that they were in this particular row of books back then, but the view is the same. Today, tiny dust particles swim in the late spring sunshine, but he can still hear how the thunder made the window shiver; Emmeryn’s bell-clear voice, serene and unafraid. Sometimes he wonders if grieving a person in the same space you lived with them isn’t more of a cruelty than a comfort…but he can’t imagine choosing to give it up either.

There’s this literary technique I have noticed some of my favorite writers use on occasion where a character’s wandering / idle thoughts while looking at something in the environment wind up being a means for insight into their characterization or mental state. I think it can be tricky to execute in a way that doesn’t feel disruptive, but I was reasonably happy with my attempt here. I also think grieving is a really complicated emotion, and it’s one I struggle a lot with capturing all the facets of while writing, but this was a rare instance where I felt like the words got across the feeling I wanted them to.

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

If we are excluding the infamous old tumblr posts that convinced all of us you are never supposed to use the word ‘said’ and that you should invent as many epithets as possible to refer to characters, I would probably say “don’t use adverbs”. Obviously it’s very possible to overdo it, and I will admit my writing has a tendency towards clutter and that adverbs probably contribute. But some people really act like adverbs are the devil, and the idea that an entire part of speech has next to no place in writing is kind of absurd to me. I have also read books where clever and intentional use of adverbs was extremely effective in contributing to humor or tone setting and if those authors had followed that advice, I would have enjoyed their books a lot less.

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

Oh man, very hard to choose just one when this is true of like…virtually every review I have ever been lucky enough to receive. One specific one that comes to mind, though, was a comment on the accidental engagement fic where the commenter compared Chrom to one of those tropical birds doing a mating dance, and Robin just Not Getting It despite his best efforts. It was such a hilarious and strikingly accurate description of their dynamic in that fic and I got such a kick out of it. I subsequently mentioned the comment to Bustle, and she wound up linking this video, and for the rest of the day, I would just periodically start smiling really big or burst out laughing every time I thought about Chrom and Robin as these two birds. The narration absolutely kills me too.

[ist-das-kunst-oder-kann-das-weg]

I am done with my exams! Forever! (Except for the defense of my thesis.)

This whole exam season has been a dumpster fire organization-wise, but also in general I am obvsly so happy it is over.

The exam today was a bit weird. I said I don't want topics 3 or 4. I got topic 4. (I have never gotten topic 1 in amy of my exams, but thrice did I get the last topic - unfair!) I did the presentation in under 5mins. We are supposed to talk for 15 mins. After that you get grilled. And damn, I couldn't answer some very basic definition questions to the point that I asked whether I can even still pass or whether we could also just stop the exam there. But in the end, I somehow still managed to get a 7 (the middle grade).

The co-examinor just got kinda worked up on the fact that my presentation was really good, PhD-level he said (I copied it from the book and learned it by heart, I have little idea of what was going on), and whenever I could answer, it was apparently really really well done (I would have had that in one of the other presentations, which I mostly also had learned by heart, but at least understood), but when I could not answer, there was just nothing. He looked really pained when he told me they had to give me a 7, but well, by now I am kinda used to underachieving, even though people recently haven't been as adamant about it as he was. He went like "You could do a PhD! If you would just fix stuff like that. Do you want to do a PhD?" and I was like "Not anymore" and he was like ":O What? Why? Do you really want to work a regular job at some office for 8hrs every day?" and up until then I thought professors are also working 8hrs a day at some office. Whatever, my point was that the prof just told me "hey I think you can manage a PhD" when I had just made my peace with not doing a PhD but now I am actually thinking a bit about it again, argh.

But I can do that later because first I will sleep some, then tmw I will clean my flat and do the dishes and do some laundry and cut my hair and cook myself something nice. And if the math mood catches me, I might look into my master thesis topic, which will be knot theory! Perhaps it was a good thing my previous supervisor kicked me out lol. But that all comes later.

[ritz-writes]

10 Questions For Fic Writers

Thank you @eviebane for the tag! <3 No pressure tags: @skellebonez, @deviliciousnavy, and anyone else who wants to cuz i cant think of names lol

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 32!

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 110,161 :3

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently writing for Lego Monkie Kid, but before that was Good Omens, and before that was Marvel (specifically Irondad and Spiderson). I also have an unfinished snippet for an ROTTMNT idea i had. And I plan on writing for Batfam eventually, as well as more Marvel things (When I used to go by another username on the internet, I also wrote sans x reader, warrior cats, batman oc, and 2012 tmnt oc fics)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I reply to every single comment cuz I don't get many lmao. It makes me very happy to receive one, so I always make sure to respond with a thank you even if it's not immediately

5. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I hope not 😭

6. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I've beta'd multiple fics, but I haven't co-written anything as of yet

7. What's your all-time favourite ship? Oh man, you're making me choose?? I suppose romantic: Crowley and Aziraphale, and platonic: Either MK and Wukong or Tony Stark and Peter Parker. I'm a sucker for mentor-mentee-turned-kinda-sorta-familial relationships lmao

8. What are your writing strengths? Writing panic. I have hella anxiety so I find it very easy to dive into dark emotions and run on sentences. It's one of my favorite things honestly, to write out racing thoughts to convey just how stressed the character is. I think I'm also fairly good at writing dialogue that flows like a real convo, though it's not always perfect lol

9. What are your writing weaknesses? Staring fics 😭 I wrote a 33k fic and the last part I wrote was the opening cuz I just didn't know how to start it. Endings are always very difficult.

10. First fandom you wrote for? Warrior cats. I had just gotten into the books and ended up making Shadowclan just flat out evil. I cringe looking back at it 😭

[beautyofsorrow]

2, 4, 7, 18, 46

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

evil. evil question. why would you make me think about my multichaps. ok so i tried the intensive outlining thing, i really did, and it flopped so bad because i'm pretty sure i have adhd which, among many other things, means i need novelty in order to stay interested in a thing. but i also need STRUCTURE so i know where i'm GOING or i'll never FINISH so i have started doing this thing where i have the vague outline of what happens and then go from there. for without anesthetic, i had a pretty good idea of what i thought the first four chapters entailed before i ever sat down at the word doc, just so i'd have a measure of security behind this wildly ambitious idea. turns out it was only enough for three chapters and i am spinning my wheels a little on the fourth/fifth/sixth, but it's going so much better than my last multichap did, and i haven't abandoned it like my first. so yay! it's my own version of what i call the ann patchett method of drafting (see "the getaway car" in this is the story of a happy marriage for more details on that, dear mutuals who are not zanna). more adhd, but just rigorous enough to keep me from walking out. this seems to be working, but it's also nerve-wracking because oh no, what if i get ?? chapters deep and i've written myself into a corner? (the answer: girl calm down, it's fanfiction and you're supposed to be having fun)

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

i rifle through the fridge at 10pm looking for a very specific food that does not exist and then get mad at myself when i realize i am gonna have to write it into existence.

see also: my love for the characters (/horny and emotional). a desperate need for non-romantic sexually intimate relationships in media. upsetting plotholes in canon. deranged character dynamics. weird takes on popular tropes. religious trauma. family estrangement. being queer. i also read a lot of books and find plenty of sparks ideas juice inside them, usually in their style and execution. i looooooooove studying form and how it influences a book's plot.

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

whatever best serves the story! and/or whatever i feel i can handle best in a given moment. for example, the first time i tried my hand at sex pollen (drown me in glitter, glitter and gold) i had no fucking clue how to write from a sex-pollened person's POV, so the answer was to stay in la'an's head the entire fic. that let me get really comfy with the story so that by the time i had to write her being all high on horny juice, it flowed much more easily than if i had started in una's POV, who's dosed from the start. also, it was a much better, funnier, and stronger fic that way. la'an's mortification really came through and allowed me to hit a lot of comedic beats i wouldn't have been able to hit due to una's temporary plunge into angst.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

i do all three lol. mostly during and after. sometimes i'll have one from the start and it will stick; other times it will change to something else halfway through. many many times i will come screaming into ur DMs complaining about being done with a fic but not having title tags or summary. i started keeping a file in my notes app of lines of poetry i love, and i'll occasionally plunder them for titles. i'll also yoink song lyrics (just give me trust and watch what'll happen), riff on character quotes or episode titles (without anesthetic, ad astra), or rotate the fic in my head until something appropriately vibe-y presents itself (dress me down and hold me open, aces wild, stitch)

46. How would you describe your style?

contemplative, lyric and/or comedic (depending on the fic), & character-driven

[florencemtrash]

i love love love your work and reading it has gotten me back into my love for acotar (and azriel shhh). im so inspired/tempted to start writing my own fics on here but i have no idea where to start or how to maneuver anything lol .do you have any tips?!

WRITING FANFICTION - my thoughts on how to get started (and others please feel free to chime in in the comments)

AHHHHHHHH YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DO IT!!! I encourage everyone who is interested to write fanfiction, even if you don't want to post things online, because I feel like fanfiction is the perfect avenue to a) have fun and b) practice any and all aspects of writing in a low stress way.

*cracks fingers* get ready for a brief rant about the glories of fanfiction writing

Fanfiction is such a beautiful way to get invested in a story. We already have our own interpretations of how characters look/act/their inner turmoils and struggles that might not get a lot of page time in the canonical works, AND for me personally, I'm always trying to find ways to insert myself into any media I read so fanfiction just feels like a natural extension of that and it honestly has improved my daydreaming skills for better or for worse.

It helps me escape my own thoughts and any troubles I have and I feel like I can grow as a person through the characters I read and write about.

Fanfiction is also great because you can pick and choose what aspects of writing you want to focus on improving. For me personally, I've always had issues with writing dialogue, but if I were to write something from scratch I would have to go through the efforts of creating a whole universe/characters/plot etc. etc so I would always get overwhelmed and just not write at all.

BUT! With fanfiction writing I can just take existing plots/characters etc. etc. and only write the dialogue for a scene I could make up in universe. AND because I'm writing existing characters that I "know", I have a framework for how they speak and can better gauge whether what I am writing sounds natural/realistic. Sometimes if I'm getting stuck on the dialogue I'll just write the lines for each character so I don't lose momentum and then later on I'll go back in and add the setting descriptions, dialogue tags, actions.

More concrete tips/steps you could take

So, I suppose if you're looking for a place to start and have a specific aspect of writing you have trouble with, you could always write short blurbs focusing on that skillset.

If you have issues with dialogue, just write dialogue. No descriptions/scenery. Nothing. If you have issues with describing settings you can always take the dialogue/actions from a scene of a book verbatim and then write around them. OR maybe if you have issues with characterization you could also take a scene from a book and then write from a different character's perspective. I just think it's a neat way to practice and something I've done in the past.

2. Write shameless self inserts. You know yourself better than anyone else and if you're interested in writing fanfiction, you're probably already a chronic daydreamer who's imagining what you would do in a fictional universe. May as well just write it down for the practice.

3. Start with short oneshots - I only started posting online about 7-ish months ago but I've been writing fanfiction since I was in middle school (so about 10 years now) and that's how I got into writing... and also I started out by handwriting the beginnings of trilogies but never getting past page 10 because I realized I was just copying the Hunger Games.

4. Don't be precious with your writing (see #3) and especially in the beginning I think people should prioritize quantity over quality. I think my writing has drastically improved since graduating college because I now consistently have time in the evenings to just write, even if it's "bad" writing. I also have a document titled "Dump it into the fires of Mordor" for my shittiest ideas and bits that I've cut out from other writing projects.

Other Tumblr-specific tidbits

Keep a google sheets to organize fics/taglists. I like to organize this way because unless you have a masterlist (which most people don't in the beginning), tumblr just has everything on one long scroll. So to get around this I have a google sheets where each column is one writing project with one row dedicated to links to the tumblr page, one row to commonly used tags, and the rest of the rows in the column are a list of anyone on my taglist for that project

Include more paragraph cuts than you think you'll need. This is a personal preference of mine, but because I read fanfics on Tumblr predominately on my phone where the width is narrower, extra paragraph cuts a) help me keep track of where I am in the story better and b) look more visually appealing - at least in my opinion

I'm still getting used to Tumblr myself and everyone approaches writing and using the platform differently.

BUT PLEASE DO WRITE IF YOU FEEL INSPIRED TO! Writing and posting fanfiction, and generally getting to interact with people, has been so much fun and I highly encourage anyone and everyone to do it.

Hmmmm, this ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be. Whoops. Hope it was helpful though!

Love,

Florence B.

[magpiefngrl]

I posted 807 times in 2022

94 posts created (12%)

713 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mikkeneko

@veliseraptor

@ohnoyizhan

@lqtraintracks

@bloody-wonder

I tagged 804 of my posts in 2022

#fanart - 178 posts

#drarry - 84 posts

#wangxian - 81 posts

#the untamed - 70 posts

#mo dao zu shi - 49 posts

#to queue or not to queue - 45 posts

#i laughed - 41 posts

#writing - 35 posts

#inbox - 35 posts

#ofmd - 32 posts

Longest Tag: 127 characters

#death of the author is also not 'ignore everything that is actually in the text in favor of what you feel like saying about it'

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

9 1/2 days has updated omg

Photo credit: Andrew Hocking (this is a picture of Kennack Sands, it's a real beach in Cornwall)

Kennack Sands, chapter 7 of my Cornwall fic aka 9 1/2 days, is out. It's only been two years, no big deal lol

It's drarry, rated E, currently sitting at 54k with two more chapters to go. It's a Canon Divergence (or rather Detour, you'll see) from the events of Book 7 with Harry and Draco being stranded together after the escape from Malfoy Manor.

Link to Chapter 7

Link to Chapter 1 if you want to read from the top

My eternal gratitude to @lqtraintracks who has betaed the chapter on short notice and gave me some excellent suggestions. Love u <3

66 notes - Posted June 4, 2022

#4

Hellooo! 💕

Sorry to slide in like this, you absolutely don't have to answer this, I just have no idea how else to grab your attention 😫

Your drarry fic series 'Arthur and the Lust Leaks' is seriously one of my all time favourites, they're just so hilarious! I love the dynamic between Daphne and Draco, Arthur (of course!🐣) and the general concept is just wonderful on its own XD

The concept of magic folk getting "Lust Leaks" when they're extremely horny is actually GENIUS!! Like what, how on earth did you come up with such a clever idea!?!?

My question is how would you feel about others using the concept? So long as you're credited for the inspiration, of course!

Thank you! You're brilliant!!💖

Oh what a lovely ask! I'm so glad you like the concept and thrilled you enjoy the 2 fics! I had a ball writing Daphne and Draco and ofc Arthur is adorable <3

How I came up with the Lust Leaks. When I joined the DTH fest, I'd only published one drarry fic that I'd written non-stop and obsessively over a few weeks; a fic which had poured out of me in a torrent. With The Full Monty I was more deliberate. I had a prompt, which gave me a direction to follow, but I wanted to do more. Now, my favourite author is Astolat and one of the things I love about her work is that she always has some cool magical element in her stories. I'm a fantasy author at heart, and her inventiveness and worldbuilding truly resonates with me. So, with this new drarry fic of mine, I wanted to create a magical element that would be new and interesting and would fit with canon.

I thought of developmental stages for children. How magical kids' magic appears when they're young. I can't remember the exact age it's supposed to happen, but in my mind it was linked to the stage where kids develop ego (around age three) (ego meaning the psychological theory, not selfishness). And then I thought what's another big stage of development (adolescence, lots of hormones) and what happens then? (sexual maturity). And what if, during that tumultuous time of their life, their magic goes haywire too?

I can't remember if I came up with the concept first and used it in the story or if I came up with something embarrassing happening to Draco and decided to dig into that idea and develop it. Either way, it went: idolise astolat-> magic appears when toddlers turn into children -> adolescents have raging hormones and this could affect their magic-> lust leaks when horny.

I wanted to write more in that 'verse myself. Back in spring 2017, I'd started writing a Lust Leaks Hogwarts-era fic inspired by a throwaway line in the fic about Blaise and how everything he touched grew wings and flew. I also began a sequel of the Full Monty with the title Saving Arthur. But I had a few big fests coming up and a birthday fic to write, and they got abandoned.

Finally, to answer your question: If you wish to use the concept in your fanfiction, then I'd be happy for you to do so. The credit would be much appreciated, and perhaps even a link to Full Monty for anyone curious to see the origin? That'd be brilliant.

However, this is only for fanfiction. If you're interested in using the concept for original fiction or any kind of work commercially available, then my answer is no. But I'm assuming you want to write drarry/ HP fic :)

This was a fun trip down memory lane. Thank you for sending the ask, for your very kind compliments, and I hope you enjoy playing with my lil' idea xx

68 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

#3

Happy 10th HP anniversary, LQT!

This month my darling friend, @lqtraintracks, celebrates ten years in the HP fandom.

Ten years omg! 🎊🎊🎊🎊

Ten years of passion and enthusiasm and love for drarry and the HP world; ten years of spreading joy to other fans; ten years of astounding writing (gods, I envy her so!); ten years of invaluable contributions to the community.

Lqt, the fandom is blessed to have you as a member and I feel honoured to call myself your friend. I thank my lucky stars I joined drarry when I did and got to meet you 💖

Here's a few things you should know about Lqt:

1. She's a phenomenal writer. No, I don't use this word lightly. If you haven't yet sampled her work, you're missing out. If I were you, I'd rectify this asap. Lqt's craft is a masterclass of its own: strong sentences, beautiful prose, thoughtful characterisations, scorching sex scenes, lots and lots of feels. Her writing sizzles. She's so quotable too. I can't think of another writer who has such a strong gift to write lines that the whole fandom imprints on and can remember years later. For instance: "I've fucked you in that shirt." I'm still losing my fkn mind over this line. Mention Blood and Fire, one of Lqt's masterpieces, to a reader and they'll immediately go "omg I've fucked you in that shirt!!!!!!"

2. She's a supporter of queer and trans rights in true Gryffindor spirit. Passionate and tireless, Lqt actively tries to make fandom a more inclusive, safe and welcoming space for everyone. She's an example to emulate.

3. She's a fierce, generous friend. I don't know what I've done to deserve her, but her generosity and kindness and support seem never ending. She's been there for me, esp during a tough period last year, and has listened to me vent when I felt like getting things off my chest; she's given me advice when I asked for it; and has been a relentless cheerleader when I needed a boost. She's the kind of friend who reads my fics even when they're in fandoms she's not familiar with. She might know nothing about wangxian but she will read my fics and she will comment with some lovely praise, and--I don't know if I ever told you, @lqtraintracks, but that floors me every single time. That you read and comment on my wangxian/hualian/non-HP fics. I'm a bit choked up about it, ngl

Right. *wipes tears* Recs!

My first LQT fic was Entropy to Ecstasy (drarry/ 4k/ E), a stellar example of second person POV and, er, rimming. Is this the most delicious combination or what? The longing in this fic is tangible; the UST through the roof. I adored it and still do; what a marvellous introduction to a great writer.

My latest LQT fic was Heart Like Neon (drarry/ 41k/ E) and it was one of the highlights of 2021. It's got enemies to lovers and hate sex and UST to-die-for but also excellent new magic (the Reaching! how amazing and such a Harry magic!), a large cast handled deftly, and a fantastic relationship progression. And again: so many wonderful quotes! "Being good… it’s not just one choice. It’s a thousand different choices. And that’s just one day." How do you do it, LQT????

But the fic that has carved itself in my heart is Blood and Fire (drarry/ 45k/ E). (The banner above is a realistic depiction of the state of my mind and body while reading the fic.) It's a story of second chances; of regret and mistakes; of making amends; of forgiveness. It's got agonising pining and excruciating longing; palpable tension and hot hot hot hot sex. It includes the most emotional hug of all times. It's a fic that makes me feel like "a bundle of kindling who invited fire over for dinner". (see what I told you about the quotes? She's fkn killing it!) It's a drarry classic (yes, I went there) and it's a fic that I will never, ever forget. For me, this story is up there with Donna Tartt and CS Pacat.

LQT, happy anniversary!!! May you enjoy another 10, 20, or more years in fandom! I'm so happy to know you 💖

79 notes - Posted January 14, 2022

#2

I started watching Avatar The Last Airbender (just season 1 so far) and had a look at the wikis. Can't tell you how shocked I am that the show isn't Katara x Zuko endgame. Shocked I tell you!

83 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

9 1/2 days is complete!

I think it's pretty obvious from the graphic that I began this fic a loooong time ago, back when we used to create collages for our fic posts :DD Trends have changed, people post some gorgeous banners these days, but this collage waited patiently for literal years for me to get my act together and finish writing, so there was no way I'd use anything else. Old school graphic it is.

******

Fic Title: 9 1/2 days

Warning: Author Chose Not to Use Warnings

Rating: Explicit

Length: 69.6k

Summary:

After the events at the Manor, Harry and Draco find themselves stranded in the countryside with a broken wand and Death Eaters on their tail. This is the story of an uneasy truce, featuring faerie forests, seaside caves, Romani camps, kind old ladies, and a shared bed in an attic.

Or how two boys fell in love in the midst of a bloody coup.

******

Thank you to the fabulous @lqtraintracks for her thoughtful suggestions in these last two chapters. The story is much better as a result. <33

Links to new chapters: 9, 10.

Read from the start

ETA: I've got some free time today and tomorrow so if anyone wants to send asks about the fic and its progress through the years, if you have any questions as to what hindered me, what spurred me on, or about what inspired me; or whatever: send me an ask! It's such a huge weight off my shoulders and I feel I need to get a lot out of my chest.

105 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[politelymenacing]

Finished my Series 3 rewatch in time for tonight's ep. Here are my rewarch thoughts that noone asked for.

Series 1 rewatch | Series 2 rewatch

Ted's description of rugby, mighty interesting. Never beating those bi allegations, my friend.

Jan Maas is Certified Statistics Guy (like in La Locker Room Aux Folles)

Oh interesting! Roy's choice of 4-4-2 explained is completely opposite to total football.

I am almost certain you cannot drive your car over that bridge towards the London Stadium, Nate.

I still can't get over Dani's face when he finds out someone writes Paddington's tweets for him.

"Ain't much more scary out there than a creepy clown, right?" Cut to Rupert. 👏

Colin doing down a manhole? Asdfghjkl

We know what Field of Dreams is the UK, man. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Ms Kakes looks like she is dressed as Princess Leia...?? Does this mean she will be part of Rupert's downfall??

OK, but what if the whole thing of Trent writing a book isn't news to Ted and he is just winding Trent up by pretending to think about it. Like they are actually friends now or Trent already texted him about asking Rebecca and this thing is an act.

Can we get an episode of Single Guys Club à la Beard After Hours?

Completely contradicting what I said above, but Ted reading a football book right after he finds out Trent is going to be hanging around... this is the guy who asked him if he could explain the offside rule and asked if he was a fucking joke.

The time on Keeley's phone is 11:09, but they just had wishing time which is 11:11! Continuity!!

Fuck off, Trent Crimm. 😂😂😂

Dani still smiles are Trent when the team are ignoring him. He is a precious pure soul and should be protected at all costs.

People bought Roy white orchids! In Series 2, he questioned how Jamie Carragher knew he like white orchids when he joined Sky Sports. Great little call back.

Again, Keeley's phone says that it's 14:00, but the TV says it's 13:32 straight after. Come on, guys!

Also they say that this game is the start of the season and later Rebecca congratulates Rupert on West Ham winning yesterday.

There's just no way that Roy doesn't know what Hallmark Christmas films are. They're on everywhere here (in July as well as December!) and he's definitely watched at least one with the yoga ladies.

Underrated joke:

Trent's little shake of the head when the rest of the Diamond Dogs agree Julie Andrews is worth fancying... 😂

What's that? Me getting emotional over Trent's reaction to being included and validated by Ted, Beard, and Roy?

The Norm Macdonald name check was a nice nod, but I promise you, the average person in the UK would have no idea who he was.

How did I not notice that when Zava shakes hands with Keeley he kisses his own hand?

What is the choice behind this reaction, Jason??

WILL

Ted popping out from behind Zava is still hilarious.

Gahhhhhh they fucked up the graphics of the table. After the Brentford match it should be played 7 and the points should be 19. (Maybe they have fixed this on Apple since?)

How pissed off is Isaac going to be when he finds out he has already met Colin's bf?

Rebecca's red dress. Oh boy.

Jamie's bit with the make-up artist for the Bantr advert is so cute.

MAY A YOUNG ROBERT RETFORD PORTRAY YOU IN A FILM SOMEDAY.

Oh Nate making a stupid joke that Ted would love and Rupert not getting it (or specifically pretending not to) 😭😭😭

What season is this supposed to be?? The timestamp on the CCTV of Nate said it was 2021 so that would have been the 20/21 season making this the 21/22 season, but Ted's text messages are dated throughout 2022. The latest being to Henry on 28th October 2022.

Beat them. LOL

Nice call back to series 1 of Nate spitting out the martini.

More quotes that make me nervous:

Stop letting the British characters say 'elevator' i beg of you.

I find it so unbearably uncomfortable that boat guy kisses Rebecca's foot. She should have kicked him in the face.

Isaac leopard print socks!

I can't believe they are tumbledrying Rebecca's fancy clothes.

Oh shit. The basketball game Ted remembers watching with his dad was June 1991. That's only 3 months before his dad killed himself. 😩

They were mad for this triangle hallucination business. Honestly.

When Jamie and Roy arrive back at the coach, the subtitles have Jamie saying "You lovely people", but it sounds so much like "you lucky people" and with the voice he does makes me question if it's a nod to a bicycle riding character in Spaced who says the same thing. Phil Dunster posted a video of the "inspiration" behind the bike scenes which was a clip with Simon Pegg who co-wrote the show, so maybe? VERY obscure if it is!

Still angry about Jack defacing the first edition of Sense and Sensibility.

Please learn how to say croissant.

Papa Obisanya looks like he gives such good hugs.

I love how subtly Will sticks his finger up at Jamie.

Another classic Will reaction:

The Good Dads Club:

I fucking love that Colin wore a hi-vis jacket to help clear up Sam's restaurant. Truly committing to the chameleon bit.

I will NEVER be over this:

Thought I would be ok watching this by now, but Billy's face just kills me.

Henry being so excited to see Nate 💔

BEARD AND HENRY 😭😭😭😭

I love Keeley and Rebecca's little head movements when Ted is singing his little heart-bent song. There are so many little moments where characters are in sync with each other's movement this series. Someone should make a gifset.

Ha! I missed this line last time. Drag him, Jade.

Still think Rebecca and Marcus would be cute together.

How can this show end without Sam playing for Nigeria??? IT'S SO FUCKING SAD.

God, Hannah looks so beautiful in blue.

So. Fucking. Fond. Look at his face when Ted is pretending that he didn't realised "The Devil" was Rupert...

Elodie is such a fab little actor. Her face when she works out what the name on Roy's shirt spells is fantastic.

HOW CAN ANYONE CALL SAM UGLY. HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL, PLEASE.

Sam Richardson is so great. I wish I didn't have to hate Akufo so much.

Another episode, another great reaction shot from everyone with MVP Will.

The bit before little Rebecca appears...was anyone else worried that he catching her breath was gonna be some cliché feeling faint because she was pregnant? Still a bit concerned tbh.

asdfghjkl Akufo is wearing a purple suit. Like Willy Wonka!

Oof. The Nathan stuff isn't any easier for me the second time round.

Concerned.

And these have been my thoughts.

[aeterna-auroral-avenger]

Oh my lord. You didn’t tell me I Was Anastasia would be so depressing. I shed some tears when the family was getting murdered. That was rough. A lot of it was tbh, especially the train scene. That was nasty. But I guess it makes sense considering Anastsia’s story. I think a lot of people know it. I will say I didn’t know about Anna Anderson and her side of things. In my defense, I’m not a huge Anastasia buff to begin with. I’m just familiar with the very basics of her story.

The only problem I really had was how the book was structured and how it flip flopped between timelines. I don’t mind duel timelines but the way this one was laid out was a bit confusing, even after reading the author’s note. Maybe because I read it through audio and so I couldn’t go and recheck what exact date we were in.

I’m not gonna lie, because of how it flip flopped and with the title, I kinda thought Anna was like a ‘reincarnated’ Anastasia and she was telling her past life to the readers, and the reveal at the end would be something like “I was Anastasia but now I’m Anna in this new life” instead of “I tricked you into thinking I was Anastasia”. If that makes sense lol. Had I known Anna was an actual person in history, I would’ve gone into the book knowing that there was a scam-like situation going on. Maybe if I read the synopsis but I didn’t. I almost never do anymore tbh.

I still really liked it though and I’m glad I took your suggestion to read it. I also feel like I had a history lesson with this one. And that’s not a complaint on my part. I like learning about history. I got in line for the other book you mentioned too and I’m excited about it.

On a different note (sort of) as soon as I returned I Was Anastasia, Lady Sherlock 7 was available for me to rent! That helped lift my melancholy mood and I snagged it right away. That timing could not have been more perfect. I love it when stuff like that happens. It’s like fate lol.

My library also got 2 more copies of the 8th Lady Sherlock audiobook, which means I only have to wait 2 weeks now instead of 10! It’s about time my library realized that people are enjoying these books and need more than 1 copy. I’m excited, talk about luck.

-Book Anon

If I'm being honest here, Book Anon, my only knowledge of Anastasia's story came from the cartoon movie LOL 😅 so I had like no idea about anything I was about to get into. I knew the myth, not the history. And I had no idea whatsoever about Anna Anderson either, so that threw me for a really big loop.

The whole thing was so wild to me, and honestly, I got choked up at the end too. My tears were a combination of shock, anger, and sadness. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me, ya know? But still, the whole story was so very good. I enjoyed every bit of it.

I'm sure listening to it got confusing with the different dates. Now that you mention it, I remember flipping back and forth to check dates, and I remember at one point when I did, I was like *that doesn't add up*. That should have been my first clue I suppose. Still! I enjoyed it, and I'm glad you did too.

Hooray about the Lady Sherlock books too! That's very exciting! I like how things like that line up too; it's so satisfying. I'm excited for you!

[fullscoreshenanigans]

Sorry but this wouldn't leave my mind

This makes sense! I could also see #1 being the answer on the grounds of "no one is actually going to read this, just let them have it. (@punching-unicorns via replies)

To be fair to them, I default to this being true for the majority of the children lol

I'm not sure how thorough the vetting process is for library books, considering that the Morse code messages made it in without any trouble, although maybe the Ratris were able to circumvent any official processes like that.

It's lax enough where Ray had a general idea of what leisure entertainment electronics to request from Isabella and Norman could reasonably discern where the various components of the deactivator originated from.

(Chapter 28)

But also regulated enough where they aren't granted access to post-secondary medical texts for whatever reason (the perverse side of Shirai's sentiment for the children to maintain their "whiteness"/"lightness" given that it's done to uphold an illusion they're never intended to break free of)

(2020 Exhibition Interview)

And then a tangent for the Morse but in the case of the Grace Field escapees, it also helps that James has been dead for fourteen years by the time they notice it, and there's only one other group of kids that ever managed to successfully escape a premium farm over a decade prior.

(Mystic Code Book Chapter 7)

They might have been more discerning and thorough if anything similar had happened within the current incarnation of Grace Field and the supporters were a larger and more active threat.

It also works with my headcanon that demon leadership at the farms tends to cut corners in support of shorter-term results without really thinking about longer-term downstream effects. It's a little off-topic, but I struggle to understand how they thought generations of selectively cultivating the smartest possible humans wouldn't eventually lead to their downfall. I guess that was where sister/mom training was supposed to come in and disenfranchise anyone who lived that long.

All of this speaks beautifully to the series' commentary on capitalism. I wouldn't call it off-topic at all with how it adds to the hubris and entitlement of the upper echelons of demon society.

I originally was thinking about this because I wasn't sure how realistic it would be for anyone to use "blasphemous" swears and I want the fanfics in my head to be reasonably canon-compliant, but then that led me to more fundamental worldbuilding kinds of questions.

I fucking love the kids swearing debate with how the anime only gets a TV-14 rating in the US because Don, Norman, and Ray say "dammit" and "dumbass" dfjksdjfkj

Like I'm 100% confident none of the texts in Grace Field's library have the word "cunt" in them (maybe Isabella's personal study, but I'm assuming that's off limits to the kids), but it might crop up in texts in the bunker. "Fuck" and its variants are definitely present there.

I had a feeling you would have references and receipts to support either interpretation!

😎👍

Something I've been thinking about recently- do you think the libraries at the farms had religious texts? I'm of two minds about it.

1) They seem like books that libraries would generally have anyway, and other books probably have religious references such that the kids would want to know what the reference Is. It's enrichment.

2) I could see the higher-ups wanting to reduce any potential risks (anywhere from arbitrary rule-making that affects the kids to an uprising that affects leadership), and I just have a really hard time with the idea that along with all the other books in the GF library, Ray read an entire Bible before he was 12. Like in a series full of fantastic images and feats, that's where my suspension of disbelief ends.

Back half of #2 is killing me thanks klfdjkl

I'm inclined to go with #1 though.

"The Day Emma Cried" story from the first light novel gives us the greatest insight into the scope of Grace Field library's offerings. There's multiple books on philosophy, and unlike the medical texts, there's no caveat regarding their contents. This could be due to finding a cure for Norman's bout of illness being the focus of the story so the range is immaterial in the moment.

(Chapter 17)

But between that, Alex's book, and the mythology book that Ray admitted to not fully understanding, unaltered religious texts seem reasonable. The demons are confident enough with Grace Field's geographical layout and crude (per Ray) tracking technology that any risk associated with them is negligible. The vast majority of children never reach the age where they would be perceived as capable of taking what they read and using it as a rallying cry to mount an uprising in the plants, and the small number of girls who did live past their preteen years almost entirely had the fight snuffed out of them by the harrowing conditions of headquarters.

(Chapter 23)

We also have the kids bowing their heads and giving thanks at every meal. It's not an action limited to Christianity, but with Shirai purposely choosing a European setting for the beginning of the story due to feeling it lent itself better to anachronism, it's not a huge leap to think they associate it with some understanding of that faith. Isabella could cite the text as an explanation for why they do these things or any references in books they don't understand and offer them access to it, with the expectation most children wouldn't be interested enough to extensively delve into it.

[galenti]

i’m like 85% through the lies of locke lamora and i love locke so much ahhhh

[aqenn]

looking back on it from this point, it honestly legitimately frustrates me that my parents never got me tested for autism or even looked into it (as far as I’m aware), for me and especially for my brother. I can’t say for sure whether either of us is autistic or not but we both show enough signs that I think looking into it would’ve been very worthwhile and possibly could’ve saved all of us a lot of distress

[yabai-korra]

The reasons why we're getting Manorian book

There has been a lot of speculation whether SJM is going to favor us with book/novella about Manon Blackbeak and Dorian Havilliard, recently I saw some fans doubting it, so here's a list of logical reasons why it's happening.

1. It's SJM

This woman writes two 500+ pages books per year, for her it would be a piece of cake.

2. There have already been books focused on side characters

a) Chaol and Yrene - Chaol was one of the most unpopular characters before Tower of Dawn (which made me love him hehe) and she still wrote a 600+ pages long book about him, just imagine what she'd do with the most popular character (Manon) and one of the most popular ones (Dorian).

b) Nesta and Cassian - this is ship is the closest to Manorian equivalent in ACOTAR series, aka starting from a physical relationship that develops into a sentimental one. Also 6th ACOTAR book will be focused on a new characters (most probably Elain)

3. Favoritism

SJM has talked multiple times about her love for these two. When asked about her favorite TOG character, she said Aelin, but Manon was a close second place and she said that she absolutely loves writing her.

In another interview, when asked who she would go on a book tour with and a few similar questions, she answered Dorian.

Now, I haven't seen all of her interviews ever and I'm not sure how much she loves Nessian and Cahorene (seems to love Nessian a hella lot tho), but it's definite that Manorian are some of her favorite characters and it's just logical that she would write about them.

4. Unfinished story/Unresolved feelings

Ships at the end of TOG:

Rowaelin - married

Elorcan - engaged

Lysaedion - engaged

Chaorene - married with a baby on the way

Nestaq - engaged

Manorian - hug and "we'll see"

All the ships basically got engaged in the last chapter (it's not like I didn't like it hehe) and their stories, romantic-wise, were pretty much finished and they have no unresolved tension between them. Manorian on the other hand, have enough of it for all the ships lol.

KOA spoilers ahead!

Keep in mind, Manorian relationship was mostly a sexual one, and they don't quite yet have a way of communicating their feelings properly. So there is a lot of unaddressed between them, even though they obviously care a lot about each other.

The unresolved things between Manon and Dorian:

"“And if I asked you to stay?” / “I’d need a very convincing reason, I suppose.” / “Because I don’t want you to go.” - they just fucked and Dorian left for Morath later, which impacted Manon a lot but they haven't discussed it

"I even care about you." - Manon got up and left

"There is only one witch who will be my queen." - Manon doesn't know about this

Manon saved Dorian from Valg demon even when Aelin couldn't. It was the worst thing to happen to Dorian and he still bears scars from it, yet he didn't have an appropriate situation to thank Manon for it

Dorian knows that Erawan lusted after Manon, which got him pissed of course, and he didn't have a chance nor time to ask Manon about it. It might be nothing, but if I were Dorain and my girlfriend who doesn't show feelings was locked up with a crazy guy who has a thing for her, and have seen the way he treats women, I'd be concerned. Erawan was a Valg king, a tough opponent even for Manon. If he had done something to her, and he had plenty of means and opportunities and wish to do so, Manon would never openly tell anyone (maybe Asterin) about it, because it would imply opening up and being weak, which is Manon's worst fear. Again, SJM, as the Queen of Foreshadowing, wouldn't just randomly throw in the main villain having a thing for an important character, everything in her books always has a meaning and purpose.

"Would you miss me if I didn't [come back]?" - Manon didn't reply

This is how SJM described Manorian marriage: "She would be his wife, his queen. She was already his equal, his match, mirror in so many ways. And with their union, the world would know it." - and you're telling me it's not deserving of its own book? Not just that, Manon asked Dorian for marriage and they, again, just had sex, with Dorian loving the idea but deep down knowing that Manon would feel caged in a marriage. And that attitude won't just change out of the blue. It takes time and development which is something SJM writes amazingly.

With the Thirteen gone, beside Abraxos Dorian is the only creature Manon cares about.

Dorian's mortality (although as you'll see in point #6 I'm sure he's not human)

The dreaded "You could just marry each other." / "We'll see." (Thanks Yrene :)

5. Foreshadowing

Listen here, SJM IS THE QUEEN OF FORESHADOWING. She thought of a detail (Dorian's dad's name) in the first book that would matter in the last book. Of course, there are many many many more examples of that, but if we got "We'll see." then we'll fucking see it happen.

6. Unresolved things about Manon and Dorian as individual characters.

Manon and Dorian and both pretty broken at the end of KOA.

Manon lost the Thirteen, the only people she cared about. That is a huge trauma that needs to be addressed, especially with someone so reluctant to show feelings and heal like Manon.

Dorian can't be human?? He has fae abilities due to his relation to Gavin and Elena even though he's not even called a demi-fae. He possesses powers no one else does, phantom hands for example, which he didn't steal like shape-shifting. And Maeve pointed out that due to his father being possessed by Valg when Dorian was sired, it's possible he got some of the Valg abilities. (Also she said that he's stronger than Aelin) The main villain, especially written by Queen of Foreshadowing, wouldn't just let drop it there and that's it. Also not to mention Dorian's own struggle with depression and self-worth.

They have both just become rulers of their kingdoms, completely new to it. Dorian has spent a big part of KOA imagining what kind of a king he wants to be (one that will have a witch queen hehe) and it was a major point of his character. And addition to that affecting them as characters, the future of Adarlan and Witch Kingdom could make a good plotline.

7. Other TOG characters

Although pretty much all the readers would die to see Chaorene baby, Lorcan in Perranth, Aelin and Rowan ruling Terrasen, Lysandra and Adeion officially adopting Evangeline, Nesryn and Sartaq becoming Khagan and Empress of Antica, all of these don't make enough of a plot on its own. They are great side-plots.

We know all of these characters love each other and are happy together, there isn't that much to be added to their personal stories other than kids. (same way Feyre and Rhys got a baby in Nessian book) Manorian however, they haven't even kissed without it leading to sex, they hugged at the end of KOA and it was the pique of their relationship. Their relationship is merely at the beginning, whereas others have pretty much reached their ultimatum (ofc SJM can decide to add some drama with betrayal, kidnapping, pregnancy etc. but for now everyone is good and settled beside Manorian)

Not to mention the way other relationships would affect them. Chaol, Dorian's brother, and Yrene, Manon's wannabe bestie and Manorian shipper, would bring their baby to meet his/her uncle Dorian and aunt Manon, and imagine Manon with a baby lol.

SJM loves Aelin and other characters way too much not to give us an insight on them as married couples, but since her books are huge and it's her, it needs a plot with drama, addressing traumas, repressed feelings, worldbuilding, and sex, and Manorian's got all of that.

8. Abraxos

We need more Abraxos, that's just a fact.

Wow that was a long one. Anyways, in conclusion, we're getting that Manorian book. Pretty sure it's gonna a book rather than a novella (TOD was also planned as a novella but then guess what) because there is just SO MUCH possible content.