#also i got sage of ivies after talking to my friend about how it's my favourite ovenbreak costume... coincidence? I THINK NOT

[ferret-does-stuff]

I think devsis wants me to stay

[denimbex1986]

'I just saw Oppenheimer with a Los Alamos lab crowd, and I’m immensely glad this film is out and witnessed by so many. It was a part of our national history that I think almost everyone in my generation knew of, but that many young people today don’t know much about… and as citizens we need to know this story. It becomes clear to me when I talk to young scientists how forgotten it is: sometimes in conversation with people with Ivy League educations, PhDs, when they learn I’m from Los Alamos, I in turn discover they have never heard of Los Alamos before, and don’t have a clue what it is/was. The movie is a powerful telling of this crucial part of who we are, who we have become. We need this understanding.

Obama articulated a vision to work towards a world without nuclear weapons, but since Trump it is not even a topic of discussion politically anymore. When the INF treaty ended and we withdrew from the Iran nuclear deal under Trump, there was a spurt of news at the time that ended in barely a political ripple. Nuclear disarmament is not an issue that ever makes it to lists of what voters are concerned about, this as we are continuing to expand and update our arsenal. The New START treaty was continued, but offers the earth, us, too little. We do not seem to have the will to ask for more.

Oppenheimer’s story is filled with pathos, a life burdened by deepest sorrow imaginable tangled with brilliance. The question of how to live a moral life when confronted with options he faced is soul breaking. This is also true for Hans Bethe, who continued in the H bomb projects because he felt it would give him a voice in treaty and arms negotiations. It did. For example I think he helped negotiate the INF, but at what price? And despite his efforts to curb it, the nuclear arms race ran right past him.

Oppenheimer’s pre-war physics laid the foundation for understanding the death of stars and black holes, as was brought out in the film, but to me Bethe’s work was even more astonishing, foundational work for the realization that _all_ larger atoms, the very stuff of us, was born in the nuclear reactions of stars. “We are star dust, we are golden, we are billion year old carbon, and we’ve got to find our way back to the garden…” Bethe got the Nobel for that work. I��ve stumbled through those old papers with awe, understanding what I could manage, for the joy of it.

My dad had met Oppenheimer, they had one conversation and my Dad witnessed his sorrow. I’m not sure of the year but it was after Oppy was blacklisted. But earlier, their paths had crossed in a very different way. After 3 years of fighting in the living hell of the Philippines in the Pacific Theater, on Aug. 6th, 1945, my dad was headed on a ship to take part in the land invasion of Japan. He was sure his death awaited him. Instead, Hiroshima. Then Nagasaki. Then Dad came home.

I had one brief and very sweet encounter with Hans Bethe 30 years ago; we met hiking the Camp May trail, he was very old, on his own, leaning heavily on his walking stick, some miles in. An ancient sage. He was delighted by baby Max, my son, who was riding in my back pack: old-man-and-baby flirtations ensued, Hans with twinkling eyes. The bit of irony there was we were walking with my friend Kazu, a Japanese physicist, who knew him; my friend had gone to school in Hiroshima, and had a deeply personal understanding of the costs. Still, he knew and honored the man Hans Bethe.

But also, I’ve walked the halls where Bethe and Oppy walked, their paths through the woods. Bethe had led T-division, the division which was my scientific home of 30 years. In 2021 I received the Los Alamos Medal, our highest scientific award at LANL, and to me the medal is charged with the knowledge it was first created to honor Bethe in 2001. For me it is electric with sorrow, but also with a fierce pride in that connection.

I’ve sat with a picture of Hans Bethe in my study for 20 years now, alongside the pictures of my family… It was a beautiful gift from a LANL photographer who had taken the portrait, when I saw it laying on his desk one day long ago he gave it to me. This is because from all I’ve read, I deeply admired him. Hans, like Oppy, lived a life where the question of how to live a good and just life was complicated by choices where treacherous monsters lurked on whatever path they took. Hans was a German Jew who had fled the Nazis; he carried the weight of experience into the Manhattan Project.

Hans wrote this plea in 1995, when he was 88:

“I am one of the few remaining such senior persons alive. Looking back at the half century since that time, I feel the most intense relief that these weapons have not been used since World War II, mixed with the horror that tens of thousands of such weapons have been built since that time one hundred times more than any of us at Los Alamos could ever have imagined.

“Today we are rightly in an era of disarmament and dismantlement of nuclear weapons. But in some countries nuclear weapons development still continues. Whether and when the various Nations of the world can agree to stop this is uncertain. But individual scientists can still influence this process by withholding their skills. Accordingly, I call on all scientists in all countries to cease and desist from work creating, developing, improving, and manufacturing further nuclear weapons; and, for that matter, other weapons of potential mass destruction such as chemical and biological weapons.”

Some little things I would have changed in the movie if I could have:

It was my understanding that the scene with the apple is not established fact, I was glad to read just now that Oppenheimer’s grandson objected to its inclusion for that reason.

I wish they had not used Georgia O’Keefe’s Pedernal as a stand-in backdrop for Los Alamos. Apparently, God gave Pedernal to Georgia once she had painted it enough … or so she said. Pedernal also belongs to the memory of the people who lived along the Rio Chama under its shadow for the 10,000 years before Georgia set foot there. Los Alamos is just as beautiful in its own way, and the place itself has a has a part in this story, and the landscape owns a part of this story. The finger mesas reaching out from the Jemez Mountains into the Rio Grande Valley. It was Los Alamos that Oppy loved and chose.

The movie got us so close to the story of the Downwinders, the people exposed to the radiation from the Trinity test — you could almost hear them stirring beyond the horizon the morning of the test. The movie captures the extreme political pressure to test quickly, and the storm and the winds the day of the test; they had a break in weather, and the denotation went forward. But they didn’t give us even a sentence to remember the downwinders by, or articulate the concerns the movie had begun to reveal.

Oppy’s daughter and brother Frank were also both blacklisted. I don’t think the movie could have easily captured that, but there was such a high cost to his family, it bears reflection. The communist charges against Oppenheimer were used against his daughter 15 years later by the FBI, and she lost her translator’s job at the UN. She ultimately committed suicide.'

[citadelspires]

Amphibia Oneshot Thing(I Never Claimed To Be Good At Titles)

I had an idea for a fun little story thing while I was at work over the weekend, and decided to take the time to write it up into this. In all honesty this is ridiculously self indulgent, and I wrote it late at night with no editing, beta reading, or even just looking back over it once I finished. Essentially I wrote this entirely for myself and just threw it on here in the hopes maybe a few other people might enjoy it like I do. That’s all I gotta say up front so just, here you go. (this is a long one so most of the story will be under a cut).

Anne found herself wandering around a lot of parks these days. After all her time inAmphibia sitting around in her house only made her anxious, and the city was just dull. So she would sit in the areas with the most foliage, where it always felt the most comfortable. Like one of her old adventures could come find her any second. Like she could pretend her friends were just around the corner and surely if she waited just one more second Marcy would come tumbling out of those bushes, launching right away into a rambling speech about a new plant she'd found, the perfect mix of adorable passion and somewhat interesting information that would always make Anne smile.

She knew that wasn't going to happen. She'd known and tried to force herself to get used to the idea, but even as her miserable daydream was interrupted by the rustling of the very bushes she'd imagined, she hoped for a second maybe she'd imagined it all. She hadn't of course, and the boy who pushed his way out of the bushes was anything but her Marcy. Even so, he must have noticed her solemn expression, because he immediately walked over to where she sat with a look of concern on his face.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Anne was surprised by the question for a moment, then again, she realized, she probably did look pretty miserable, moping around in the dirt in a random park. She was tempted to give an offhanded reply of dismissal, she was fine and his concern was almost certainly just a polite formality. But she was never good at following through with all that smile and say Im fine stuff.

"I've been better," she sighed.

The boy in front of her frowned, and took a seat beside her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Anne blinked in surprise, not expecting that reaction. She took a second glance at the kid, wondering what his deal was. He looked a few years younger than her, probably about Sprig's age, dressed for wandering around the woods. He looked like a kid who liked an adventure, maybe that's why Anne felt like she might be able to talk to him. She couldn't say everything of course, god knows she'd need a full time therapist for all her turmoil, but maybe she could simplify it a little bit, dance around the truth slightly. Besides, the more she thought about it the more the idea of talking to a regular kid sounded nice.

"Well," she began, searching for each word and phrase carefully, "a while ago, me and my friends found this weird place. It was scary at first, and I was nervous for a bit, but after a while I grew to love it a lot. I think- I know my friends felt the same. It was a really magical place, but it, uh, well its not around anymore. And I feel like I left a part of myself with it." Anne suddenly became overwhelmingly aware that she had just poured her heart out to a random stranger, and probably sounded insane on top of it, "Ugggh I sound stupid, nevermind kid just ignore me, thanks for trying though."

She started to get up and walk away but the boy jumped up at the same time.

"Wait, hold on. I'm not sure exactly what's going on, but from the sound of it, I think I kind of get it. I've got a pretty magical place of my own, I can't imagine loosing it. I know it's not the same but, I could take you there, if that would help?"

Anne turned back to look, not sure why this kid was so eager to help, until she saw the look on his face. He just looked like a kid who wanted to help, just for the sake of being nice. In that moment he reminded her of Sprig again, and she couldn't help it, she laughed.

"Seriously? You don't even know me. You sure?"

The boy shrugged and smiled. "There's lots of cool people I don't know yet. And you seem nice. So," he reached out his hand, "my name's Craig, nice to meet you."

As weird as this was, Anne had seen weirder, so sure, why not. She took the boy's hand.

"Call me Anne."

---

As they walked Anne started to wonder where this weird kid was taking her. Sure “magical place” in her situation was fairly literal, but she didn’t think she was exactly in the most common position for a kid. Or really for anyone for that matter. Still, the boy seemed pretty excited about it, so she figured she’d give it a shot. Better than moping around in some random bushes all day. Who knows, maybe she could even get her hopes up a little bit there would at least be something cool out there.

‘Something cool’ turned out to be a tree stump. Anne wasn’t sure if the kid was serious or not when they first got to the clearing, but based on the way he jumped up on the tree base and spread his arms wide.

“Welcome to the stump!”

Anne stared at him for a few seconds, not sure how to respond. Before bursting into laughter. She just couldn’t help it. There had been so much buildup, all for, apparently a regular tree stump. Craig crossed his arms and spoke up.

“Hey, I know it doesn’t look like much, but you haven’t seen anything yet, watch this!”

Whatever he was about to do, though, was cut off by a battle cry and a flash of orange hair flying at Anne from the trees. It was pure instinct, really, when Anne dove behind cover of the stump screaming,

“It’s an ambush!”

She realized her mistake a few short seconds later. Ivy Sundew literally could not be here. So, with no small amount of hesitation, she peeked over the edge of the stump to see a small girl pointing a homemade sword at her while trying to cover up a pouting expression. Anne could vaguely make out the girl muttering under her breath about how “noble warriors don’t ‘ambush.’“

“So, uh, are you gonna put the sword down orrr...”

Anne trailed off as the girl gave her a weary glance and muttered something about ‘intruders.’ It was at this point that Craig, who seemed to have tripped and fallen off the stump in the chaos, also poked his head back up and called out,

“Kelsey, wait! She’s with me!”

The short girl’s demeanor changed immediately.

“Oh, cool! Hi Craig, hi new girl, sorry I attacked you, I thought you were a devilish intruder.”

“Don’t worry about it, I get randomly attacked a lot, it happens.”

The girl, Kelsey, apparently, looked over Anne again, a thoughtful expression on her face.

“You do? Do you need a heroic guardian to protect you?”

Well, Anne noted, maybe this girl wasn’t so similar to Ivy after all. Though she still got the feeling the two of them would get along exceptionally well. She gave Kelsey a grateful smile, but shrugged off the offer.

“Nah, I’m good.”

Kelsey nodded, seeming to finally relax, though she did pause for a moment and stare off into the distance, though to Anne it seemed more like she was probably just gazing into the depths of a random tree. She gave Craig a curious look, but he only waved it off, apparently this was just how things worked with Kelsey. Noted. When she came back down to earth Craig was waiting with a question,

“Where’s J.P.?”

“Oh he found a butterfly and then chased it into a mud puddle. It was close though so I went on ahead.” Her tone of voice suddenly changed into a much more dramatic one. “He and I both had our own battles to fight.” Before immediately going back to her normal one. “But he should be right behind me.”

Sure enough it was at  that moment another boy crawled out from the foliage outlining the clearing. This one already in a considerably messier state than either of the kids Anne had met so far. He wandered over to the stump, repeating the tale Kelsey had just told them, this time with a much higher focus on the mud puddle. He didn’t seem to notice Anne at all until she cleared her throat and waved hello. The boy, J.P. she assumed, immediately jumped with an exclamation of surprise.

“Relax J.P. she’s cool.”

Anne was a little pleased to notice this reassurance came from Kelsey this time, and didn’t miss the way Craig nodded in agreement.

“She was off by herself so I thought we could give her a tour of the creek.”

That last bit caught Anne off guard, just a bit. Up till this point she had just been assuming Craig had took her here to see the stump and his friends. She wasn’t sure how much more exciting one creek could be, but after all her time in Amphibia she wasn’t one for making too many assumptions about that kind of thing. Turning her focus back to J.P. she noticed how he looked her up and down with squinted eyes, before seeming to focus on the leaves and sticks that had (again?! seriously?!) gotten tangled in her hair, and nodding sagely.

“Good call Craig! I like her style.”

As J.P. immediately began to inspect the ground for his own leaf, which he immediately deposited snugly in his, much shorter, hair, Craig waved Anne over to the stump, where he’d rolled out a large piece of paper.

“This,” he announced proudly, “is my map of the creek!”

Anne wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but a fully detailed expansive rendition of what must have been a really large area of land, complete with notations of inhabitants, activities, landmarks, and literally anything else one could find to write down, had not been it. She gave a low whistle of appreciation. Man Marcy would’ve loved this.

Craig beamed at her show of awe, allowing himself a pleased, “drew the whole thing myself” before asking, “So, where do you wanna see first?”

---

After that, Anne was pulled around the creek to all sorts of locations, each one more intricate than the last. There was an entire colony of kids in these woods, a civilization even. Even on Amphibia she had never seen anything quite like it. It was wild, and, kinda cool? The more she saw the more she started to get what Craig meant. The whole place had its own feeling to it that didn’t quite mesh with any of the surrounding area. After a while, she was even able to push (most of) the weight that had been on her shoulders for so long to the back of her mind.

Which wasn’t to say that her time in Amphibia left her completely. In all likelihood it was more inclined to have already made her a primary target for whispers and gossip to all the kids there. Though she never would’ve expected it before she’d gotten flown away from earth so long ago, she was kinda an expert at being in the woods now. Though she did slip up once or twice. For one dangerous moment there she was mortified that everyone would think she was insane when, upon being shown to the trading tree she had casually remarked,

“I don’t see why you need a whole place to trade for snacks when there are so many perfectly good bugs to eat out here.”

In her defense, she also preferred a good bag of chips over tiny dirt critters, but what could she say, she’d gotten used to a lot of weird things. While her immediate first reaction upon the words escaping her mouth had been to play it off as a lame joke(especially considering the way all the kids stared at her, some in horror, some in awe, at least one clearly wondering to themselves why they didn’t think of that first, the clearing totally silent save one kid who apparently didn’t get the memo and loudly exclaimed something Anne thought sounded like “my candy!”) her backup plan ended up being totally unnecessary as J.P. just started laughing, confidently proclaiming,

“I told y’all, she fits right in here”

And sure, maybe that made Anne smile just a little bit.

After that they had a few more people to meet, including a few girls prancing around a big open field, one of whom blushed slightly as she informed J.P. that she liked his leaf, to which J.P. gave a cheerful giggle and a thanks. (Anne considered it one of her foremost signs of character development that she didn’t break out any magazines as soon as they got back to the stump). But eventually things started to wind down, and the trio of friends, along with their new straggler, made it back to the little home base.

Anne took a few minutes to discuss the finer points of exploring woods with Craig, who had been eager to talk about it since they’d gone out earlier, while out of the corner of her eye Anne watched Kelsey do mock battle with an imagined enemy.

“You know, my little brother is much better at this stuff than I am, maybe you’d like to meet him sometime?” Though she’d posed the question to Craig, she didn’t bother to wait for an answer, as she saw Kelsey perform another made up sword move, and something occurred to her. “Hold that thought.”

Walking over to Kelsey, Anne continued to watch her form, confident enough based on where she was swinging and where her eyes were trained on that she had a pretty good idea of what the fake enemy the other girl was fighting might look like. Eventually she offered,

“You’re pretty good, but if you’re fighting something that much bigger than you, you’re gonna want to switch up your strategy a little bit.”

Without waiting for Kelsey’s reaction Anne grabbed a stick off the ground and performed a demonstration of a few moves she’d picked up in Amphibia. Though sword fighting was never something she had expected to be proficient at, she couldn’t deny that at this point she’d picked up a decent amount of skill. Once she’d finished her quick combo demonstration she turned to where Kelsey was standing, a little surprised to see a look of pure awe on the younger girl’s face, before she shouted,

“YOU KNOW HOW TO USE A REAL SWORD??????”

Anne grinned sheepishly at her excitement. “Uhhh, yeah, a little bit I guess?”

She’d barely gotten the words out before Kesley was on her, begging her to show more moves or better yet, spar with her. Anne waited for the tirade of excitement to slow down before smiling and offering,

“Sure I guess I could, but honestly my little sis knows way more about this fighting stuff than I do. If you want someone to practice with she’s your best bet. I could bring her out here some time, if you’d like.”

Kelsey’s excited nodding was interrupted by an instrument Anne couldn’t quite place, and suddenly the smaller girl’s shoulders fell in disappointment, before immediately perking back up again.

“That’s dinner, but you can bring her tomorrow! I’ll see you then!”

She waved goodbye as she rushed off, as did J.P. though with considerably less rushing, leaving just Anne and Craig, who seemed to also be on his way out. Anne figured that was just one more of the natural ways of the creek. As he left, though, Craig paused for a moment.

“I’m not sure where your special place was, but this is a pretty good one for a lot of kids here. I hope you had fun, I know we did. See you around Anne?”

Anne could tell the last bit was phrased as a question, and she paused to think, if only for a moment. Sure this was no Amphibia, and sure a lot of the stuff that had happened since Craig had tumbled out of those bushes was pretty weird. And maybe she did feel a little guilty that she was off playing around while her friends in Amphibia were, well... But still, for the first time since her birthday, Anne had gone one day where she actually felt like the 13 year old kid she was. Sooner or later she could blow their minds with magic powers and frog siblings, but for now, she was just Anne, she was just a kid. She gave a grateful smile.

“See you around, Craig of the Creek.”

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

how would rank nate's girlfriends (in terms of their relationships with nate and them as people)? lmao

hmm. this is hard. what’s easy is saying i loved natessa best, and hated naterine most. more under the cut!

i think i’ve mentioned enough times that most people know i think nate & vanessa were the best - they both supported each other equally, their relationship was very 50/50, they both respected & valued each other, etc. their relationship was so real and so balanced, i really loved watching that play out and think it made no sense, the way they caused the dissolution of it? especially since after breaking up with vanessa he suddenly seems really into commitment - see how he is with bree buckley!! where was that energy when you were dating someone who was actually cool, natie! 

i don’t know where to put serenate, because i love serena as a character, and i think nate was very committed to that relationship from day 1, but i don’t think serena ever took him as seriously as he deserved to be taken / as HE took her, & i don’t see that particular relationship to be fulfilling in a long-term way for similar reasons that i don’t ship danessa romantically. their break up felt organic to me. that said, serena WAS his best friend and she did care about him and want him to be happy, which is more than you can say for most of nate’s girlfriends.

blair & nate may not have had any sort of romantic spark when we saw them on the show (& honestly, i think nate was initially not a very good bf to blair)- but blair did her best to be there for him, and the implication of childhood friends is that she was there, paying attention for him & being there for him for a really long time. i think blair/nate had a really strong platonic connection that the show never went into, and i think by virtue of that they still rank relatively high from a nate pov at least. 

jenny/nate is also complicated to place, partially because i’m always going to be partial to lesbian!jenny & probably won’t write her as anything else. that said, of late, i’ve been seeing people who love her as much as me, if not more, who see her as someone who likes men, and the last thing i want to do is start a fandom war over ‘is this female character with unspecified sexuality lesbian or bi?’ because those NEVER end well. anyway i’ve become more tolerant to interpretations of jenny that aren’t her being lesbian, and i HAVE read a decent chunk of really good n/j fic. i think they had a closeness on the show that neither of them had with anyone else, where they could talk about their trauma with each other, which makes them special to me. that said, i don’t think their canon dynamic was necessarily the healthiest - jenny often used nate as a means to like, obtain social power, and nate became more passive than ever and just let jenny do whatever she wanted? it’s interesting to me because i feel, theoretically, like nate & jenny could be really healthy together but the show didn’t do that. 

i have a really weird soft spot for jenate shippers though, ever since i got those hateful jennycourse anons. i just hope y’all are having a good time in fandom, and not being dragged down by losers who send anon hate. (unconnected fun fact: sending me ship hate only makes me ship something more! and feel the urge to validate people who ship it.)

now we have a ton of guest stars & relatively unmemorable girlfriends. 

i liked lola and raina!!! raina & nate > lola & nate, for me, tbh. raina & nate had such a childlike enthusiasm and during that day that they do things they’ve never done before, they were both SO happy and it was so cute. eating ice-cream together, talking about starting an ice-cream company, raina kicking nate’s ass at just dance... i wish we’d gotten more raina. i think i actually like raina x nate more than serenate, come to think of it. we didn’t have enough of her, though. raina would’ve been such a GOOD series regular. 

i liked lola & nate!!! lola reminds me of kelsi from hsm for some reason i cannot articulate, and her relationship with nate was VERY chill. low-pressure, drama free, etc, from what i remember. twas cute.

now we are into the less nice ones!

bree :( nate was so into this relationship and there were times when he seemed like he would genuinely be happy with her, but i disliked bree as a character so much that i just could NOT get behind his happiness. it baffles me how men settle for bree buckley after vanessa abrams.

juliet, next. i never liked juliet from the beginning, and i say this as a flex ;) idk she was just really pushy, and her whole “I Can Help You Improve Your Life Even Though You Have No Idea Who I Am” thing felt like a major red flag. i felt vindictive glee about my judgement being right on that one, lmao.

sage goes here, because we only have catherine & diana next. but to be really honest, i think the problem with the sage/nate relationship was nate. he should not have been dating her once he realised she was in high school. teenagers have crushes on people in their 20s!! it’s normal!!! it’s the responsibility of the adults to Not engage and to turn them down if they try to initiate something!! 

diana is the second worst to me - the fact that she’s working for nate’s grandfather, the hashtag workplace harassment of it all... it’s really devastating.

i’ve implied before on this blog that catherine (& naterine) was the worst thing - genuinely traumatic, and it’s implied that after a point, she’s manipulating him & all the sex is coerced, which is undeniably the most terrible. like... the implications are of caon rape, so it really does not get worse than this.

i have not counted jordan steele or ivy dickens (she was never really his gf, she just kissed him + i can’t take her really seriously, given that she was cheating on dan’s dad with serena’s dad and apparently this was completely unironic and non-satirical) because the wikia says that they never officially dated & unlike jenate, those 2 aren’t even Main Characters.

[ask-the-phan-site]

Phan Cam: The Unexpected Heist

>The Hub. After taking the heart of Sheriff Johnson and Oracle and Violet starting college, we finally have time to keep our promise to the Scorchers and Battle Force 5 to help them reopen the portal of Highway 35 and bring back the World Race.

>We were all gathered together waiting for Oracle’s fellow hackers to make contact.

Me and Sophia have made the necessary precautions just in case the Silencerz attempt to trace us if we are caught.

Good, Sage. We’ll need it.

I just hope the Silencerz don’t realize that the ones hacking them are the people they had to deal with in the past.

Don’t worry. Something tells me they never had to deal with a hacker like me before.

Really? What makes you any different?

Oracle: Ever heard of Medjed?

The hacktivist group? Yeah. Why do you ask?

Brace yourselves. I was the founder.

Scorchers and Battle Force 5: (in shock) WHAT!!!?

You’re Medjed? I can’t believe it. I actually followed their work. Though, I thought how Medjed was doing these days seemed a bit odd. Now I know why. Other hackers were impersonating you. But now, I’m meeting the real Medjed!

Oracle: I was the real Medjed. That was a long time ago. I’m Alibaba now. But Oracle is good, too.

RING! RING!

Oracle: Speaking of Alibaba...

Incoming call from three unknown callers.

Oracle: Patch them in.

>Three holographic screens pop open.

Oracle: Hey you guys, long time no see!

Hey, Alibaba! Still rockin’ the headphones! I like that!

Still loud as ever, Yu-ichi.

Somethings never change, huh, Six?

Six: Yeah, nice to see you again, too, Lunch.

So you’re Fu- I mean, Alibaba’s fellow hackers.

Lunch: Yeah, nice to meetcha. You can just call me Lunch.

Six: I’m called Six.

Yu-ichi: And I’m Yu-ichi.

Six: Which is not much of a hacker name since it’s your real first name.

Yu-ichi: But it’s clever. No one would ever suspect that my hacker name is my real name.

Oracle: Okay, guys, stay with me.

Yu-ichi: Sorry. Hey, are the others coming, too? Spooky? Hitomi? And... what’s-his-name? (Gee, it’s been a long time, so I forgot his name.)

Lunch: They’ve been through enough already. Best to leave them out of this. So, why did you bring us back together?

Oracle: Nothing much. Just hacking into a secret organization’s databanks.

Yu-ichi: (laughing a bit) That’s all? That’s like the easiest thing there is. Give us a bigger challenge.

Six: (a little anxious) Get serious. We don’t even know anything about this secret organization.

Oracle: I’ll tell you about it.

RING! RING!

Oracle: Soon. Right now, our next hackers are calling in.

>Another screen opens.

Are we fashionably late?

I think that’s suppose to be my line.

Oracle: Nope. You four are right one time.

Alright! Let’s get this party started!

Hold on, comrade. I get there feeling there are more guests coming.

Indeed there are.

RING! RING!

Queen: That should be him.

>Another screen appears.

Here I am. Did I miss anything?

Queen: No, Forge san, you made it right on time.

Hold on! You’re Forge of the X-Men. Peter told me about you.

For real? Harry, Makoto, and Captain America told me about him, too.

Joker: And Adi told me.

Mixer: (in awe) Holy- It’s really Forge! Dude, I’m one of your biggest fans.

Joule: Come sono io.

Forge: Thanks. It good to meet a fan and a colleague. Un piacere di conoscerti. Y tú también.

Makoto, how do you know Forge?

Queen: Do you remember that Inhuman student from the school festival? The one who said her friend is a mutant? I looked into those students. The mutant student was visited by Dr. Hank McCoy. Forge san just happened to have come with him.

Forge: We wanted to talk to her before she and her friends left for Attilan. We wanted to make sure that she’ll be ready to go up us or her parents worrying about her getting M-Pox if she’s exposed to the Terrigen Mist. We also wanted to let her know that she’ll always have place with the X-Men.

Joker: That’s good to hear.

I thought you left the X-Men so you could do your own thing.

Forge: I still help them from time to time. Mostly with mutants who’ve just come into their powers.

Queen: I know what you mean. I had to go through Scott Summers and almost the rest of the X-Men to contact you.

Forge: And I still can’t believe you decided to ask me and had to go through all that just to do it.

It was either you or the other Forge. The one who still maintains his youthful appearance from being stuck in another dimension for many years.

Forge: Yes, I know who you’re talking about. I’ve met my Fellow Forge many times. A little rambunctious, but he’s a good person. I even asked him with help on some projects. Including this one I’ve been working on.

>Forge hold some kind of metallic helmet along with his phone which had an app open with the lets “c” and “p”.

Forge: I call it Cerebro Portable. Me and my Fellow Forge created it to help telepaths find mutants within a hundred mile radius. Especially ones who just got into their powers. But it’s not finished yet.

Yu-ichi: Really? How so?

Forge: We tried to design it based on the original concept for the original Cerebro. There’s just one problem.

Sophie: And what’s that?

Forge: There are only two people I know who know more about Cerebro than any and that would be the original creators. Professor Charles Xavier, but he won’t awaken from his coma for eight more years. The other is... Erik Lehnsherr.

Magneto.

Forge: That’s right. And I’m not about to go all the way to Genosha just to ask him to help me create something that he, himself, could use to find mutant to recruit into the Brotherhood or his mutant army. So it may be a while. Hopefully Professor Xavier will be awake by then. But for now, I’ll just settle with getting help from my Fellow Forges.

RING! RING!

Forge: Speaking of which.

>Another screen opens.

Sorry for the wait. Just finishing up with Kurt and the others.

Forge san! It’s been too long.

Queen: Yes, it has.

Forge: I didn’t want to leave him out of it, so I invited him to help out, too.

Other Forge: I’m willing to do what I can.

Joule: I think we’re going to have some confusion here.

Six: Yeah, how do we address one of you?

Other Forge: Well, my Fellow Forge came here first, so I guess we can call him Forge 1. I’ll be fine with being called Forge 2.

Yeti: If that works, we’ll take it.

How did you two meet Forge 2?

Queen: (unsure) Well...

Noir: (smiling) I can tell you. It all started...

>Flashback.

>The streets of Shibuya in the summer before the pandemic. A fast car was driving up wildly. Queen and Noir were coming back from grocery shopping... and Noir was behind the wheel.

Haru, please be careful! These eggs are for a special meal Sis is making tonight.

It’ll be alright. I think I’ve had a lot of improvement.

>The car was zooming around while people try to back off. Suddenly, someone accidentally fell into the street.

LOOK OUT!!!

>The car was about to hit the young man on the street... But it didn’t. The car suddenly was floating in the air. Queen and Noir looked to see that the young man they nearly hit had some kind of device that was creating some kind of gravity field.

Wow! Good thing I came here to show my new anti-gravity generator for situations like this. Hope you girls have your reentry cushions checked.

>End of flashback.

Mona: (unsurprised) That makes sense.

Noir: We exchanged information and we’ve known each other since.

Forge 2: And your eggs were even safe.

Forge 1: And how did that anti-gravity generator work out?

Forge 2: They said they’ll thank about it.

Translation: You were rejected.

Forge 2: Yeah, I figured.

Noir: Why would they? It’s a great invention. It really helped us.

Forge 2: Good question. Either because their minds are too slow or small to handle how advanced my inventions are, or... Well, you know.

Vert: Because you’re a mutant. Now that’s just unfair.

Forge 2: Sounds like you know the feeling.

Vert: (a small smile) Let’s just say, I have secrets of my own.

>For a moment, a small light formed in Vert’s hand which quickly vanished just as I saw something move on his back behind his uniform... I wonder.

RING! RING!

Oracle: Sounds like another fellow hacker’s here.

>Another screen opens.

I’m here and ready for anything.

Joker: Glad you can join us, Player.

Wayne: Yeah, how are things back up there, eh? I haven’t been back in awhile.

Player: Well, things are still quiet because of the pandemic. Other than that, everything’s great.

Joker: And speaking of of how things are, how’s Red chan doing?

WARNING: Spoilers for Carmen Sandiego ahead.

Yeah, ever since V.I.L.E. went down in flames and Zack and Ivy joined A.C.M.E., she’s been pretty quite.

Player: She’s fine. She finally found her mom, but she hasn’t said anything else. But I’m sure we’ll learn more soon. For now, I’ll see what I can do. Thanks again for inviting me.

Oracle: We’re gonna need all the hackers we can get.

Yu-ichi: I know. Hackers are getting younger and younger these days.

Six: (whisper) And yet you ack like you’re getting younger and younger... Don’t change, man.

Player: (smiling) Hey, the Spookies. Nice to meet you. You’re actually one of the reasons I was inspired to become a hacker.

Lunch: Really. That’s good. Of course, our reason for hacking is probably much different than ours.

Player: Pretty much.

Wolf: (a bit surprised) Hold on! Spookies? I thought you three were familiar. I should have realized that when you said Spooky, real name Masahiro Sakura.

Queen: Now that you mentioned it, I think I remember my father talk about a case from another part of Japan. I didn’t think much of it at the time and completely forgot about it.

Yu-ichi: So you know about that? I wonder what he’s doing now. He disbanded our group after some stuff happened and he left to find himself.

Lunch: I’m sure we’ll see him again soon.

Six: Same here. I sort of miss him and the others.

RING! RING!

Sophie: We have another one.

>Another screen opens.

I just finished my start-of-term homework, now I’m all free.

Joker: So glad you could join us, Adi. I just hope the Future Avengers won’t be called away anytime soon.

Adi: No, things have been relatively slow lately, so I think we’re good. But just in case, Mr. Stark and Cap want us on stand by.

Skull: I’m sure it’s nothing you, Makoto, and the others can’t handle.

Adi: I’m sure, too.

Joker: Thanks for helping us, little-brother-may-become-son.

Adi: You’re welcome, big-brother-may-become-father.

>I can sense I made Adi happy inviting him here.

Rank Up!

Confidant: Codec

Arcana: 3

Ability: Technical Act Type 2

Delivers the same effect as Technical Act but to a much greater extent.

RING! RING!

>Another screen opens.

All set and ready to go!

*Chirp*

Oracle: Welcome to the party, Conor. You, too, Chim-Chim.

Mixer: Is that a robot monkey?

Conor: Yeah, I’m allergic to most furs, so I designed him.

Forge 2: Whoa! Robotic technology sure has changed since 1978.

Conor: What do you mean by that?

Forge 1: It’s a long story.

There are so many hackers here.

Joker: I know, it reminds me of that movie Oracle showed us.

Oracle: Yeah, Angelina san was a treasure in Hackers Jackers.

Yeah. So, is that everyone?

Forge 2: Not quite. I have a feeling... that we have a couple more to go.

RING! RING!

Mona: You bet.

>Another screen opens.

Have you guys been waiting long?

Oracle: Just a little.

Thanks for inviting us. We’ve hadn’t had much to do since what happened on Eternia. I guess now that most of the evil of the universe, particularly Lotor, has been defeated, business for the Voltron Force has been a bit slow.

Really? That’s a shame. I’m sure something will come up soon.

Pidge: Well, it’s not totally slow. We do get the occasional bully or mad conqueror. Though, it’s not really the same.

Forge 2: Don’t give up. You guys will see real action again someday.

Pidge: Thanks, Forge-Of-My-Dreams. But for now, the only real action we’ve seen is in our dreams. Like how I dream that I’m some kid with heel problem fighting monsters from Greek Mythology or a pirate kid with a very pirate family or some kid with magical slugs.

Joker: That’s all?

Pidge: Pretty much. But I haven’t been having more actiony dreams. There were two others, but they’re gone for some reason. Though, one of them I’m glad is gone. But the other one I really miss.

Forge 2: Yeah, I think I know. But, you still have me... and our last hacker.

Vert: (confused) Our last hacker?

Queen: Vince isn’t the last hacker we’re expecting?

Vince: No, but Pidge says he knows about him.

Then he knows that he’s just as smart as I am.

RING! RING!

That should be him now.

>Another screen opens.

Sherman: About time. We were afraid you weren’t coming at all.

Yeah, I kinda forgot until I took a siesta and these two reminded me. (he nods to Forge 2 and Pidge)

Pidge: You’re welcome.

Vert: (a bit suspicious) You seem familiar... You wouldn’t happen to know a teen alien who sounds like I used to when I was his age and is accompanied by a little alien robot that sound like you, would you?

Hi-Tech Young Man: (smiling) Maybe.

Spinner: Everyone, this is our cousin, Roberto Martinez. We call him Berto for short.

Berto: Hola, nice to meet you.

Six: Great, now we’ve got three headphones.

Hey, respect the headphones, man!

Mixer: Yeah, dude, don’t start dissin’ the phones.

Yu-ichi: Besides, you’re the one whose only mode of transportation is a skateboard... BTW, you still use for that?

Six: (blushing a bit) ... Maybe... Okay, so I’m still a long ways from getting that fancy sports car I’ve wanted. Business at our family’s store is rather slow these days. Even more since the pandemic hit. But I’m not giving up.

Berto: Hey, no shame in still skateboarding at your age. Look at me. I’m close to your age and I still do it.

Six: Easy for you to say, you look like you have a car. Most likely a high tech one at that.

Berto: Ture, I have a couple, but nothing beats a deck. Plus, it’s good for the environment.

Six: I guess that’s good to hear.

Wolf: So, is that everybody here, or are we expecting more?

Skull: Let me check. Yo, is anybody expectin’ anybody!?

Panther: Well, I did thought about asking Tecna for help, but I don’t want to get her or the Winx in trouble with the Silencerz, so she’s out. But I’ll call her if anything happens.

Skull: Then yup, that’s everyone!

Vert: Now that our team’s been assembled, let’s get on it. Now, I bet most of you are wondering why you’re here. Well, for that... I turn things over to my dad. Take it away, pops.

Thanks, Vert. You’re here because we might have a way to bring back one of the greatest inter-dimensional races ever. However, the secrets to that are locked away in the Silencerz’ mainframe. Your mission, should you choose to accept it (I’ve always wanted to say that), is to hack into their mainframe. In the mainframe, you must find a file containing the research data of the late Dr. Peter Tezla. But be warned, the Silencerz will try every hacker defense trick in the book: Firewalls, anti-virus software, encrypted passwords, security algorithms, even their own viruses and malware. If you do managed to get in and find the file, you have exactly 15 minutes to copy it before the failsafe kicks in.

Adi: Failsafe?

Jack: 15 minutes after the file’s been hacked, said file will delete itself permanently to prevent further hacking.

Forge 1: But if the Silencerz try everything to stop us, it’s going to be hard to get past all that. I think this is going to be much different than hacking into MRD tech.

Sophie: Luckily, that’s where I come in.

>The hackers on the screens (except for Adi, Player, Conor, and Chim-Chim) where confused until Sophie vanishes and reappears on the main screen.

Vince: (surprised) Holy!!!

Pidge: (smiling) I had a feeling that was no ordinary girl.

Yu-ichi: Amazing. An AI with it’s own ego... I wonder if I should tell my cousin Tokita about this.

Sophie: I am Sophia, humanity’s companion. I am going to help you all with whatever I can. That includes hacking into the Silencerz’ mainframe.

Mixer: You know, we have an AI of our own.

Sophie: You do?

??-??: A! I! S! H! A! We! Are! AISHA! ... Sorry, I couldn’t help it.

Sophie: So you must be M.A.Y.H.E.M.’s AI.

Call me In-Su.

Oracle: Didn’t I see you as part of an opening act for August Gaunt?

In-Su: With my sisters, yes. But that was a long time ago. I’m with M.A.Y.H.E.M. now. I mainly help Friday, Mixer, Gremlin, Joulie, and Safeword with cybernetic things, but I have done on-the-field missions... If the field is in Cyberspace.

Sophie: That’s good to hear. Nice to meet you. I guess we will be working together. I look forward to our mission together.

In-Su: I so will I, sachon*.

*”Sachon” is Korean for “cousin”.

Conor: Hey, if you’re gonna do something like this, me and Chim-Chim want to go into the virtual world.

Chim-Chim: *chirp chirp*

Lunch: You can do that?

>Conor shows he has some VR equipment.

Lunch: I guess that works.

>Conor connects the VR headset to his computer and Chim-Chim connects to it as well. Within moments, they were jacked in and something appears on the main screen with Sophie and In-Su.

Conor: Alright, all buffed up and ready for action! (begins singing) Here they come. Here comes Conor and his monkey, Chim-Chim.

>We all just stare... Which of us will be the first to ask?

Six: Oh, god. And why do they both of mustaches?

Vince: I’m guessing to match.

Yu-ichi: (smiling) I kinda like it. It’s actually quite clever.

Conor: (satisfied) Ha, I knew it! Take that, Lucy.

Pidge: Go with what works for you.

Jack: True. But remember what I said, the Silencerz will do whatever it takes to protect its secrets. I should know, I used to be the leader.

Vert: I wonder who took after you when you left.

Jack: (looking a bit down) Vert... I think you have pretty good idea.

Vert: I... I see. Well, we’ll still be able pull this off we work together.

We will. We can do this.

Vert: Thanks, Ren.

Jack: Again, I have to warn you, the Silencerz don’t play around. This is your last chance to back out. If you do, I won’t blame you.

>The other hackers were showing some doubt. No doubt they were thinking about what Jack said... However, their doubt quickly fades.

Player: Our friends wouldn’t have called us here if they didn’t we could handle the risk. We trust them.

Safeword: He’s right. They even helped M.A.Y.H.E.M. with a little something. Time to repay the favor.

Conor: Same with me, Chim-Chim, and our friends.

Vince: And us, too.

Lunch: I know this is the first time we’re meeting Alibaba’s friends, but we will help them.

Adi: Me and the other Future Avengers trust Ren, Yusuke, and the others.

Forge 1: We also just met, but we trust you.

Forge 2: Yeah.

Berto: (curious) Espeda, M.A.Y.H.E.M.? Racer Academy? And Arus? Aren’t those the places the Phantom Thieves... You know what? Never mind. I don’t wanna know.

Taro: (smiling a bit) Good. I don’t think you could keep your mouth shut.

Six: Look, what we’re trying to say is that we’re in. We’ll help you.

Jack: (with a look of gratitude) Thank you all.

Taro: Good luck, you guys. The fate of the World Race and Highway 35 is in your hands.

No pressure or anything.

Six: Believe me, we’ve seen through demons in a cybernetic world.

Safeword: Fight an evil organization everyday.

Player: What Safeword said.

Adi: Ditto, with a side of other villains.

Conor: I think we can handle it.

Vert: (smiling) Then let’s get to it!

Oracle: I’ve already got a lock on the mainframe. Ready when you are.

Conor: Ready as we’ll ever be.

>With that, Chim-Chim transforms into a motorcycle and Conor gets on.

In-Su: How are we suppose to keep up with that?

Oracle: Leave that to me.

>Oracle programs something into her laptop and something appears on the main screen.

What in the world!?

Oracle: I hope you don’t mind. I just thought we’d go with something more appropriate. This Johanna pretty much has all the things the original has for extra protection. Sophia, you’re driving. In-Su, I’m adding a side car for you.

>Oracle types something on her computer and a side car appears on Cyber Johanna. Sophie switches to her Phantom Thief attire.

Are you ready, In-Su chan?

In-Su: (now wearing a purple helmet with M.A.Y.H.E.M.’s fleur-de-lis which was blue on it) Ready.

Conor: Then let’s get going!

>With that, Sophie and In-Su get on Cyber Johanna and they, along with Conor and Chim-Chim, ride off.

>A little later, we were at the mainframe of the Silencerz. It was shaped like a giant tower with the Silencerz’ logo on it.

Sophie: This must be it.

Yu-ichi: You can already tell that they’re hiding something here.

Forge 2: And we’ll find out those secrets soon enough. Time to get to work.

Lunch: Let’s see what we’ve got here.

>Lunch begins hacking into the first line of protection.

>Meanwhile in the Silencerz’ Headquarters in an unknown location, an alarm goes off in the computer room.

We have a problem. Call #1.

>Almost immediately, another Silencer comes in.

What is it, #2? What happened?

Silencer #2: Someone is trying to hack into our mainframe.

Silencer #1: So what else is new? Have you got a lock on where the source of the hacking is from?

Silencer #37: (don’t ask, we’re using their numbers) Not yet. We are still trying to find it. But we have got a lock on the hacker’s virus.

Silencer #5: I do not know what to make of this.

Silencer #1: A virus based on a ghost? Then I suggest you try busting it.

>Some of the Silencerz began typing something.

>Back in Cyberspace, the Spookies’ virus was phasing open a way when something appears near them. They looked like four men in jumpsuits curing some kind of large device on their backs that had guns attached to them.

In-Su: (confused) Are those... the Ghostbusters?

Jack: I told you, every trick in the book.

>The Cyber Ghostbusters begin firing at the Sppokies’ virus ghosts.

Conor: Time to go to work, Chim-Chim!

Chim-Chim: *chirp*

>Conor and Chim-Chim begin fighting off the Cyber Ghostbusters. In-Su and Sophie join in as well. In-Su’s dance moves already makes her a capable fighter and Sophie was swinging her yo-yos. After a while, Sophie, In-Su, Conor, and Chim-Chim manages to beat the Cyber Ghostbusters, but they had completely destroyed the Spookies’ virus.

Safeword: Our turn now!

>Safeword, Joule, Mixer, and Yeti, begin typing.

>At Silencerz HQ...

Silencer #20: This does not look right. What do we do?

Silencer #12: Try typing “cookie”, you idiot.

Silencer #1: Hey, be nice. And I do not think that would work. I have seen this movie before. Try regular anti-virus software.

Silencer #20: Yes, sir.

>Back in Cyberspace, the first few defenses have been broken though. Suddenly, a bright light flashes and the virus is deleted.

Forge 1: (smiling) You ready for this?

Forge 2: (also smiling) You know it!

>Forge 1 and Forge 2 upload their viruses.

Forge 2: Scott, this is for you, man.

>The two viruses begin attack the Sliencerz’ other defenses. Vert was looking at Forge 2′s virus.

Joker: Is something wrong, Vert?

Vert: Something about Forge 2′s virus that reminds me of someone... But I’ll think more about it later.

>Back at Silencerz HQ...

Silencer #3: Now we have viruses based on mutants?

Silencer #2: Be nice. One of my relatives was a mutant.

Silencer #1: Either way, we cannot let them through.

Silencer #3: I know.

>Silencer #3 begins programming something.

>Back in Cyberspace, Forge 1′s virus and Forge 2′s virus managed to break through more lines of defenses.

In-Su: It looks like we’re making progress.

Conor: Keep it up, you guys!

>Suddenly, something appears... Something big.

Forge 1: That can’t be good.

Sophie: I can help them with this. Time to show you my own power. Persona!

Pidge: (surprised smile) Whoa! I didn’t think she had one, too.

Vince: But there are robots who do.

Six: I think I read something about that... And dreamed about it.

Berto: Like I said, I don’t wanna know.

>Sophie and Pandora fight the Anti-Virus Sentinels along with the Forges’ viruses.

Player: With them busy, looks like I’m going up to the plate.

>With that, Player begins typing something and a new virus comes up. It looked like Carmen Sandiego, but a little blue.

Player: I hope Red doesn’t get too upset for changing her colors.

>Player’s virus begins using an enlarged version of her laser cuter to cut through the defenses.

>Back at Silencerz HQ.

Silencer #7: They are still coming!

Silencer #1: This is getting out of hand. Have you found the source of the attack yet?

Silencer #37: It is hard to tell. They are coming from multiple sources.

Silencer #1: See if you can find the closest source. We will start there.

Silencer #37: Yes, sir.

Silencer #40: I will deal with the current virus.

>Back in Cyberspace, Player’s virus has cut through more of the mainframe’s defenses and the Anti-Virus Sentinels have been deleted.

Oracle: There’s only a few left. Keep going, we’re almost there!

Adi: I think I have something that’ll move us faster.

>Then, a virus that looks like a queen bee appears with a swarm.

Adi: I got the idea from some children’s show. I’ll tell you more about it later.

>The bee viruses begin helping Player’s virus cut get through more of the defenses along with the Forges’ viruses. Suddenly, something flies up.

Adi: These guys don’t quit, do they?

>The virus swarm fights off against the security algorithms with Sophie, Pandora, and the Forges’ viruses while Conor and Chim-Chim break through the last of the walls.

Conor: Just a little more...

>Finally, the last of the security walls were gone. But no sooner they were, a blast of flames came and nearly blew Conor and Chim-Chim away!

Conor: GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

In-Su: You mean great walls of fire. It’s a firewall. Don’t worry, I’ve got this.

Pidge: Hold on, I have something that could help you.

>Suddenly, some big gun that resembles a lion appears in In-Su’s hands.

Vince: This wind blaster will help blow out the flames. But don’t use it now. Wait until you’re on the other side of the wall to use it, or you might blow the flames at the files and destroy them.

In-Su: Right. Here I go.

>With that, In-Su dances her way through the flames until she finally got to the other side.

In-Su: Stand back!

>Then, with a large blast of wind, the firewall was out. Conor and Chim-Chim go in.

In-Su: Okay, we’re in.

Jack: Well done, kids! Now, the file you’re looking for is labeled “200335″.

Oracle: We’re searching now.

>Outside the mainframe, the security algorithms were still coming.

Sophie: This looks bad, we’re running out of room. If only we had at least one more to help us.

Berto: Leave that to me! I’ve got the perfect thing!

>Berto then uploads his own virus.

>Berto’s virus assists Sophie, Pandora, and the Forges’ viruses as In-Su, Conor, Chim-Chim, and the other hackers search for the file.

>At Silcencerz HQ.

Silencer #20: Damn! They are in the mainframe.

Silencer #1: You still have not found them?

Silencer #3: We might be able trace them if they find they file they are looking for.

Silencer #1: Then do it.

>With that, the Silencerz begin their work.

>Back in Cyberspace, the Silcencerz’ security algorithms were finally defeated.

Sophie: We did it! Thank you all.

>The viruses gestured a “You’re welcome” to Sophie and disappear back to where they came from.

Vince: That virus of your, Forge 2, it makes me wonder.

Forge 2: Wonder what?

Vince: If... If I should have asked my dream brother from New Olympia to help us, too... Oh well, I’ll ask him next time.

Vince: You’ll have to get through his Big Buddy, Hunk’s dream brother. And I don’t think my own DB would be too happy. Especially after everything that’s happened in recent months. But I’m sure I can talk him into it.

Panther: Dream brother?

Queen: You mean...

My gift of connecting people’s minds and hearts with my singing strikes again.

Conor: Hey, I think we found it!

>Conor, Chim-Chim, In-Su, and Sophie who joined them, found a file that looked like a file cabinet. One of the drawers was labeled 200335.

Jack: That’s it!

Sophie: We found the file. Let’s copy it.

>Sophie opens the drawer show many files. No sooner did she open it, it starts flashing and making a siren sound.

Spinner: (covering his ears) Yikes, that loud!

Jack: That’s the alarm for the failsafe. You now have 15 minutes to copy the file before it deletes itself permanently.

Oracle: Leave it to me. I’ll just use the same program I created to copy Makoto’s Sis’s computer.

Queen: Let’s hope it works on the Silencerz’ mainframe than it does Sis’s.

>Oracle enters the program and it begins to copy the file.

>At Silencerz HQ, the computer room was now flashing and alarms were ringing.

Silencer #3: They are copying the file! Now, if I could just... Got it! I got a lock. The source of the copying is coming from... some town nearby.

Silencer #1: You mean... Handler’s Corners.

>Silencer #1 begins to leave.

Silencer #9: Sir, where are you going?

Silencer #1: (turning back) To visit an old amigo.

>With that, Silencer #1 leaves. Suddenly, the alarm gets louder.

Silencer #20: What is happening!?

Silencer #3: This looks bad. Someone else is in the mainframe. They are also copying the file.

>Back in Cyberspace.

Oracle: This doesn’t look good. There’s someone else here. Someone’s also copying this file.

>Sure enough, something comes out of the file cabinet. It was a little blue bad... wearing a pair of glasses and had the most ugliest comb-over ever.

It’s Strega! What the hell do they want?

Vert: Who?

Taro: Some cult.

Oracle: If they’re also copying the file, then us copying it will be difficult.

Lunch: So, we may not be able copy the whole file?

Yu-ichi: Well that sucks.

Player: I’m sure I think I might help with that. I mean, I can’t stop Strega from also copying the file, but I think I have an idea what may happen and how to solve the problem.

Oracle: I hope so.

Jack: Hurry, only 9 minutes left.

>Oracle’s program tries its best to copy the file which is difficult as the program from Strega (most likely made by Jin) is also copying the file.

Jack: Only 6 minutes.

Oracle: We’re almost done.

>Before we knew it, only 4 minutes left. Please copy it.

>3 minutes. Not much time left and the copying is still going.

>2 minutes. There’s still more.

>1 minute. Almost there.

>59 seconds... Come on. Come on! COME ON!

>10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

FILE DELETED. CONNECTION TERMINATED.

>The main screen goes to static. Then, Sophie is re-projected back with us, In-Su returns to M.A.Y.H.E.M.’s computer, and Conor and Chim-Chim are back in their real world forms.

Panther: Conor, Chim-Chim, are you two alright?

Conor: (a little dizzy) We’re fine. We’re used to this sort of thing.

In-Su: I’m fine, too. My source code is a little frizzy, but that can be helped with a quick fix.

Joule: You’ve earned it, In-Su. Enjoy your nap.

>With that, In-Su shots off for now.

Vert: So, did we succeed in copying the file?

Oracle: Let me check.

>Oracle checks the copied file.

Well, I’ve got some bad news, good news, and some stressful news.

Agura: I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be easy.

Oracle: Bad news: We weren’t able to copy all of the research data. Good news: We did manage to copy most of it. Stressful news: Most of it is encrypted. Until we can decipher the code, you guys are going to have to wait a little longer.

Taro: I figured as much.

Berto: But with all of us, we should be able to crack the code.

Mixer: Afraid you’ll have to count us out. We didn’t tell Persephone that we did this and she’s got a strict policy about messing with organizations other than L.E.G.I.O.N. without her permission.

Yeti: (looking down) ...

Mixer: (panicking) YETI, YOU TOLD HER!? SHE’S GONNA PUT ME ON COFFEE DUTY AGAIN!

Safeword: I see. If that’s the case... I’ll take a double shot expresso.

Joulie: I’ll take a mocha.

Mixer: (shocked) Seriously?

>With that, we bid our M.A.Y.H.E.M. friend fair well for now and they leave.

Conor: Chim-Chim and I have to bow out, too. Speed will be back any minute and I don’t want him to know what we did. I wanna keep it a surprise.

Pidge: Me and Vince have to go, too. I have a few castle defenses to upgrade.

Vince: And I’m on standby. I know business is slow, but Keith says peace time is the best time to prepare for anything.

Joker: Right, see you all later.

>With that, Conor, Chim-Chim, Pidge, and Vince sign off.

Adi: The rest of us will stay and help you decipher the code.

Player: With Red on break, I’ve got time.

Oracle: Thanks, you guys.

Berto: Guess I better let Max, Steel, and Ferrus know I’m gonna be busy for awhile.

Sherman: We’ll back you up.

Berto: Gracias.

Spinner: That’s what primos are for.

>With that, Oracle and our hacker friends begin their work to unlock Dr. Tezla’s research to reopen the portal to Highway 35 and bring back the World Race.

Oracle: But I am curious about one thing: What does Strega want with Tezla’s research?

>Meanwhile in an unknown location...

Crap! Of course the Phantom Thieves would be after this file.

Yeah. Talk about rotten luck.

Uh-huh.

Maybe you should have some kind of alert for them.

Jin: I’ll think about that. Right now, thanks to their hacking into the Silencerz’ mainframe for that file, I only copied most of it, but not all of it. Not to mention it’s encrypted.

I wouldn’t say that. I’d say that you copied plenty. And I’m sure with our new allies’ help, we might be able to unlock all of Dr. Tezla’s secrets.

Jin: Why are we even doing this, anyway? Since when are we interested in a long forgotten and completely no longer popular race?

Takaya: You would be surprised by what one can learn from things like this. After all, there are many ways to achieve your goals. Am I correct?

>Someone comes out of the shadows... in a dance-like manner.

That’s right, ghosty boy. I bet even M.A.Y.H.E.M. couldn’t think of something like this.

Jin: (a bit confused) Even though they were just in the mainframe as well.

Gaunt: A minor mishap. Something we’ll fix soon.

Myles: With a voice like that, it’s hard to say he’s wrong.

Evan: Uh-huh.

Gaunt: (with a small bow) Thank you.

Jin: So, can L.E.G.I.O.N. help with deciphering the code?

Gaunt: Maybe. Even we can’t work miracles that quickly. Just look at me. At first, I was only partially restored. I didn’t even have my-

Jin: (quickly with a frown) Okay, okay, we get the picture!

Takaya: Soon, we’ll gain what we’re after... Soon...

>What will happen next?

NOTE: We apologize if this post is a little long. We thought this would be the end of this heist, but like we said, this post was a little long. The last post for this heist will come soon.

[kideternity]

For the ask game: Helena Bertinelli, Selina Kyle, Cassandra Cain, Harper Row, Dinah Lance, Diana Prince & Stephanie Brown

Oh god oh yea okay hold on op this will get long (under read more)

Helena Bertinelli

How I feel about this character: I adore her 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 literally my wife my muse my love

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Dinah, Karen, Renee

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Helena and Eel, John Henry and Zauriel ^_^ also think she and Vic Sage should have “LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO!” Energy together

My unpopular opinion about this character: I love Barbara dont get me wrong but shes an AWWFUUUUUULL friend to Helena 😭😭😭 like I LITERALLY CANNOT GET OVER HOW BABS CANONICALLY BEFRIENDED HELENA SOLELY TO MANIPULATE HER ORIGINALLY... not to mention all of that unnecessary beef over dick and like OTHER PEOPLE calling Helena batgirl.....

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish she stayed with the justice league for more time so much 😭😭😭 I have a soft spot for JLA (1997) always its my fav critically examined run but MAN helena getting fired when the first run was ending pissed me off!!!!

my OTP: Probably right now Dinahelena? Tie between Reneehelena and that one

my cross over ship: I don’t have a ton of non dc media I like but Liz sherman from hellboy maybe

a headcanon fact: She has a wine cooler in her car at all times for people to grab a drink from if needed, the only rule she has is to try not to spill it everywhere because it’s a bitch to get out of her leather seats

Selina Kyle

How I feel about this character: Admittedly idk a ton about Selina I need to haul ass on reading catwoman solos 😭 I've had a complicated relationship with her but as of right now I like her! I think she’s cool

All the people I ship romantically with this character: All i'm turning up is Zatanna bc my friend writes really good zee/selina fics wjwjajajwua stan randy!!!!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I am like OBSESSED w the small little friendship tidbits Helena B and Selina have....... its not suer amazing or anything but huntress year old Selina insta best friending helena made me 🥺

My unpopular opinion about this character: IM NOT REALLY SURE WHY SELINA IS CONSIDERED A GOTHAM CITY SIREN NGL.... like its most likely definitely me knowing nothing Abt popular characters but its just always struck me as kinda weird/the only thing ivy harley and selina have in common is like. The most well known bad women in gotham

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I WISH WE GOT TO SEE MORE OF HER MENTORING KITRINA FALCONE...... FUCKING CATGIRL..... LIKE SHE JUST FUCKING SHIPS HER OFF TO A BOARDING HOUSE AND THEN WE NEVER SEE KITRINA AGAIN LIKE I GET WHY BUT MAN MISSED OPPORTUNITY!!!!

my OTP: idk sry !

my cross over ship: Felicia hardy purely because its just really fucking funny to me

a headcanon fact: Selina fucking hates Gnort more then anything imaginable

Cassandra Cain

How I feel about this character: I like her!!!!! Definitely my second favourite batkid after Duke ^_^

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Steph

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Duke! Ultimate siblings. Also just like the idea of Lonnie and Cass getting along bc they tell old men they suck

My unpopular opinion about this character: Cass should not be able to beat everybody. She should not be able to beat people of unimaginable power such as Dr Fate. Like I think she could defeat normal fighters, or maybe enhanced fighters, but actual metas and magic casters etc I don’t think she would be able to, especially since iirc she almost fucking died fighting metahuman assassins??? So

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I know we all say it but let cass be batman v_v but also let her be batman and let carrie Kelly be her batwoman so that they can absolutely hate each other I wanna see that play out

my OTP: Stephcass im basic

my cross over ship: n/a

a headcanon fact: Duke introduced her to heavy metal now she cant get enough of it

Stephanie Brown

How I feel about this character: I like her! I still need to continue reading her batgirl solo and more but I like her! Good character!

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Cass

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Lonnie ^_^ Rebirth lonnie is literally so OOC and nasty I don’t wanna hear any bs abt how its ‘better’ but I did like the idea of Steph and Lonnie being friends and I think it'd work still with Lonnie’s good characterisation

My unpopular opinion about this character: Timsteph is a bad ship its objectively bad and I hate it a lot also Steph kissing Tim knowing he was dating Arianna was shitty writing/a dick move on her part i just hate all of it its comp het the ship

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: OKAY I NEED TO READ MORE STEPH COMICS FIRST but I am perpetually haunted by my idea of steph in the future becoming huntress.... I Ponder It

my OTP: Stephcass lol

my cross over ship: Gwen Stacy and Steph could be fun :O

a headcanon fact: She doesn’t like condiments unless it’s say, syrup for waffles

Harper Row

How I feel about this character: I used to be like obseeeeeeessed with harper used to think abt her 24/7 but ive mellowed down a lot.... havent read her comics in like literally ages...... still love her a lot tho

All the people I ship romantically with this character: nobody 😔

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Steph and Cass being Harper’s friends was always cute to me also I like when I think both or just Steph was Harper’s roommate it was fun

My unpopular opinion about this character: Mostly nobody seems to fucking care about her 🙄 you guys cry for gay batkids 24/7 but you wont even acknowledge harper existed........ smh

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: that she stuck around more : ( i liked how her brother cullen sorta became this like oracle esque figure so I like the idea of her being a vigilante in some place like bludhaven maybe w Cullen giving tech support

my OTP: n/a :/

my cross over ship: not really a ship but maybe Miles and Harper teaming up one time?

a headcanon fact: Would really like to own a pet snake

Dinah Lance

How I feel about this character: I love women.... I love this woman.......

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Ollie, Helena

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Babs :] best friends 4ever !

My unpopular opinion about this character: Dinahs done a lot of fucked up things and like i dont even mean like in a “its bad writing way” i mean just like consistently dinah is not perfect and she shouldnt be regarded as such and i dont like when people do

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Wish she stayed with the JSA longer :[ I really liked her with the JSA it was fun!!!!

my OTP: Dinahelena 💜🖤🤍💛

my cross over ship: n/a

a headcanon fact: She's really bad at cooking most dishes

Diana Prince

How I feel about this character: I LOVE HER a very interesting character with a lot of interesting lore

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Zatanna, Natasha Teranova

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Clark and Bruce ^_^ they are her close friends and teammates and I want absolutely nothing to go on between them. Ever.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Not abt diana specifically But damn yall when the fuck you guys gonna actually.... talk about diana.... like when are you going to make metaposts about her and hot takes and so on as much as you do for ppl like bruce

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: She and Natasha should have gotten married whilst in space together period it was homophobia to have Natasha just go back to russia and never show up ever again

my OTP: Wondermagics

my cross over ship: not a ship again but LET HELLBOY TEAM UP W DIANA

a headcanon fact: She's really good at pottery! Especially during the sculpting stage

[theaggresivepacifist]

and you, my oldest friend

For the lovely @thegoldensoundtwice, based on this amazing post.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Since I moved home from college in May, I’ve kind of lost contact with a lot of good friends and colleagues, and your amazing blog has been a little bit like having a friend to chat with – especially about the wonderful world of Redwall. Even though we don’t really know each other, your kindness, sense of humor, and incredible eloquence (I will NEVER be over the fic you wrote for me!!!) has been such a gift, and so instead of studying for the GRE I wanted to write you this tale as an early Christmas present and a heartfelt thank-you. Surprise!!!

It is un-beta’d, massive af (I think almost 7K words, so let me know if you’d like a .pdf!), and a tad bit angstier than I was going for at first, but hopefully still an entertaining yarn.

Cheers!!!

It was a glorious midsummer’s evening when she saw Redwall Abbey for the first time.

Her grandfather, a silver-furred old badger named Buckthorn, had told her stories about it, of course, promising to take her there the next time they held one of their fabled feastdays. He was a good storyteller, perhaps the best in Mossflower. But even he couldn’t do it justice.

The Abbey stood tall and proud and majestic at the border of the woodlands, battlements and belltower of ruddy sandstone soaring to the sky. The setting sun gilded the myriad ivy leaves that crept across the stone, turned the climbing roses to an incandescent shade of ruby red. The broad main gates stood open to all comers, and inside she could see colored lanterns glowing in the branches of the trees, reflecting in swirls of red and yellow on the surface of a tranquil pond.

Constance had never before seen anything quite so beautiful.

  A motely group of squirrels, mice, hedgehogs, otters and moles welcomed them to table at once, as if they were old friends, and loaded their plates with the most delicious-looking foods a creature could imagine: breads and cheeses, salads and pasties, puddings and berries and flans. All of them were talking at the same time.

“Welcome, both of you! You look famished! Here, this plum cake goes perfect with clotted cream.”

“How about some of this hotroot soup?”

“Don’t be shy, take a few more of these nunnymolers.”

They were given places of honor at a table of Abbey Brothers and Sisters, pleasant mice in cowled brown robes.  Being  rather solitary by nature, Constance spoke with them only when spoken to, preferring to let her grandfather hold the conversation. She devoted the rest of her attention to eating serving after serving of the scrumptious food and watching the other jolly creatures with interest.

As supper was winding down, with everyone sipping their favorite drinks and nibbling at their favorite sweets, some of the woodland guests, the two badgers included, took it upon themselves to provide entertainment for their kindly hosts. A troupe of voles played reels and jigs on a battered bodhran and sweet-toned reed flutes; a family of harvest mice performed several comedic skits. But Constance and Buckthorn’s act was the most anticipated of the evening. Many Redwallers had never even seen a badger in the fur before, as old Mara, Redwall’s last badger mother, had gone to her rest many seasons ago. The pair of them performed feats of marksmanship with yew longbows, and Constance obligingly wrestled stout waterhogs and burly otter champions, shaking them off like raindrops as the Redwallers shouted words of advice and encouragement.

“That’s the stuff, missie!”

“Hohoho, ole Skip’ll be sore for a full season!”

“Hurr, moind the choild don’t toss ’im into yon pudden!”

She enjoyed the competition, the adrenaline, the feeling of her own strength. The attention was slightly overwhelming. Having humored her hosts, she left her grandfather deep in conversation with old Abbot Cedric and slunk off to the orchards with a pawful of mushroom and leek turnovers, throwing herself down on the cool grass to eat. The night air was velvety-soft, sweet with the perfume of rose and blackberry and late blossoms, and she snuffed appreciatively at it between bites of savory pastry.

“Peaceful, isn’t it?” said a quiet voice, surprisingly close at paw.

Constance bristled slightly, but then relaxed when she spotted the creature, resting against the trunk of a neighboring plum tree. He was just a young mouse, dusky brown, wearing the sandals and sage-green habit of a novice. His eyes were wise and kind.

“I always like to come here in the evenings,” he continued. “It’s nice to sit and watch the sun set over the Abbey. And it’s especially nice to be surrounded by all these good creatures, and hear them laughing and enjoying the feast.”

“I live with my grandfather in Mossflower. I’ve never seen so many creatures all at once,” Constance said. It was unlike her to admit something like that to a strangebeast, but the mouse’s gentle manner somehow put her at ease.

“Do you have many friends in Mossflower?”

“Not really.”

“Well, now you’ve got lots of them here.”

Constance had to smile at that. She extended a broad black paw and gave his a gingerly shake.

“I’m Constance. Pleased to make your acquaintance, friend.”

The mouse made a grave gesture in return, bowing his head over his own folded paws.

“My name is Mortimer,” he said.

  By the end of the feast Mortimer and Constance were inseparable; the one’s serious nature perfectly complemented the other’s slight shyness. When she and her grandfather returned for the autumn harvest he showed her around the interior of the Abbey: the dizzying height of the belltower, the best places to sit in Great Hall, the labyrinthine aisles of the cellars where their resident Cellarhog kept special firkins of mulled wine and flowery mead.

Of course, they were both still young creatures, so these sights were soon followed by a tour of the spookiest corners of the attic, the hallways with the best curtains to shelter behind during games of hide-and-seek, and the kitchen larders that held the best snacks. They played in the crisp autumn leaves and dared each other to step paw in the icy pond. He also introduced her to Martin the Warrior, explaining the legend to her as she gazed, transfixed, at the richly embroidered tapestry.

“A mouse fighting a wildcat,” she marveled aloud. “I can’t wait to tell my granddad about this.”

“I thought you’d like to know about Martin,” said Mortimer. “He was brave and strong like you.”

“And then a mouse of peace, like you,” she replied thoughtfully.

  Buckthorn was growing too old to make the journey to Redwall as often as Constance would have liked, and so in the springtide she argued and pleaded with him until, finally, he gave her permission to make the trip on her own. She woke well before dawn, packed a generous haversack of supplies, and set out through the woodlands at a steady pace, already full of excitement for the day she had planned. The miles passed swiftly. She arrived at the Abbey by midmorning, just as the Redwallers were finishing their breakfast, and stealthily motioned for Mortimer to leave Great Hall and join her in the orchard. He was thrilled by the surprise, but also full of questions.

“Why are you being so secretive? Where’s your grandfather? How in the name of seasons did you get here so early?”

“I’m here to take you on an adventure,” she told him in a stage whisper. “Think you can sneak out to Mossflower for the day?”

“I’m not sure I’m allowed,” said Mortimer. “I have to help with the washing for the dormitories and –”

“Come on! I’ve been to Redwall lots of times, now you should see where I live. Just tell them you can’t do it! Make something up!”

“I’ll try. Wait here.”

He disappeared for several minutes, leaving Constance to sample some of the early gooseberries. Finally he returned with a subdued expression and a heavy green travelling cloak draped over his Redwall habit.

“I told Brother Oswin I was gathering herbs for the infirmary,” he said, already self-reproachful.

“Don’t worry, it won’t be a fib. We can find some on the way back.”

He cheered up as soon as they set paw in the emerald forest, where new leaves were budding and a kaleidoscope of varicolored wildflowers were blooming. He had never been so far into Mossflower Wood before. Constance named the many birds for him by their plumage and their dulcet voices, and Mortimer paused often to admire fuzzy bumblebees and jewel-toned dragonflies, or flitting butterflies with wings like stained glass.

After a few hours’ march they sat down on the riverbank to rest, shaded by the boughs of an ancient willow. Mortimer said a simple grace over their midday meal. Constance watched the way his eyes closed, his shoulders relaxed, his paws steepled.

“What is it like, being in the Order?” she asked him, around a mouthful of strawberry preserves.

“Well, there’s a lot of book learning.” He brushed oatcake crumbs from his lap and cut a wedge of yellow cheese studded with hazelnuts, whiskers twitching thoughtfully. “Lots of history. We learn about the founders of Redwall and where they came from, and about the rules and vows that all Abbeymice live by. But our most important duty is to provide help and healing and charity to any creature in need of our assistance. Just a few days ago there was a poor weasel with a racking cough –”

“You mean you let vermin into the Abbey?” Constance interrupted.

“He was an honest creature. Sister Teazle and I made him a draught of strong herbs. He was as good as new by the next morning, and gave us some beautiful mussel shells in token of his thanks.”

“He probably came by those while he was off pirating at sea,” she replied dryly. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you can’t trust just anyone. There are a lot of dishonest creatures who would try to take advantage, even here in Mossflower. We’ve had quite a few brushes with robber foxes and ferrets.”

“Trust them or not, my duty is to help them if they require it,” Mortimer said patiently. “But I suppose it’s safer living at Redwall than out here in the forest.”

“I don’t know. It’s not so bad.”

“Oh dear, I didn’t mean it that way at all, truly. Mossflower is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. I think I could stay here by the riverside forever.”

“Well, I think Redwall’s got to be the best place I’ve ever seen,” said Constance, pleased by her friend’s compliment.

“Who knows! Maybe you could come and live there someday.”

  After luncheon they crossed the stream, picking a careful path over the slippery stones, and made their way at last to at the badgers’ cottage. It was a snug little house of smooth clay, built back against a rock shelf so that the soft-mossed surface served as the fourth and largest wall. Trailing nasturtiums wove over the doorway and windowsills, their flowers like bright medallions of orange and sun gold. Inside were tables and chairs of Buckthorn’s making, carved out of honey-colored wood, and little trinkets from his many travels: pressed mountain flowers, many-colored stones, bits of seaglass worn smooth as silk.

“It reminds me of our Cavern Hole at Redwall,” said Mortimer, his eyes aglow.

“A neighbor helped me to build this place, a clever old beaver, when I first came to this part of the woods.” Buckthorn straightened from stoking up the hearthfire. “That were when young Constance here was but a tiny badgermaid. Her gran was still with us then.”

“She must have planted that wonderful herb garden of yours.”

“Aye, that’s right. She was a healer like you are, y’know. There’s some rare plants growing there that might interest you.”

The old badger and the young mouse were kindred spirits. Over the course of the afternoon Buckthorn swapped stories with Mortimer and shared with him some of the badger lore that Constance had known since she was a cub, the workings of the tide and the secret phases of the moon, the way to sense the first changings of the season – even old fireside tales, like that of the great snow badger who brought deep winter to Mossflower Wood. Constance was just about to remind them that they needed to get back to the Abbey before nightfall when a sudden spring rain began to lash through the trees, obscuring the woodlands with a heavy sheet of silver.

“Not travelin’ weather, I’m afraid, young ’un,” said Buckthorn, shaking his grizzled head. “You’ll have to stay here for the night.”

“Oh, no,” Mortimer groaned. “I’m going to be in a lot of trouble when I get home.”

“Don’t worry. We can leave as soon as the sun rises,” said Constance, secretly ecstatic that the elements had intervened. “Let’s have a cup of tea, and then I’ll show you how to make a seafaring dish my granddad taught me. Skilly and duff!”

In the morning, as promised, they set out at a run with the first rays of dawn, slipping and squelching on the muddy road. Though they made it to the Abbey in record time, Mortimer’s prediction was soon proved correct. Brother Oswin was waiting for them at the gate with a face like yesterday’s thunder. Without hesitation he took hold of Mortimer’s habit sleeve and began lecturing the young mouse severely.

“We were up all night worrying about you. Abbot Cedric was about to send out a search party! And where in the fur is the sanicle and valerian you were supposed to be gathering?”

Constance blushed at the Brother’s righteous fury, beginning to feel sorry for the part she had played in the whole affair. But Mortimer, recalling the sleepless night they had spent telling tales and playing games while the rain drummed on the cottage roof, could only smile.

  For many happy seasons they visited back and forth in this way, growing up and growing ever closer, Constance trekking to the Abbey for feastdays and bringing Mortimer back to the cottage to enjoy languid spring and summer evenings by the riverside. She eventually taught him how to find his way through the woodlands unaccompanied by reading the signs of moss and leaves, and after much effort prevailed upon him to carry a stout ash staff with him on the road (“Someday I won’t be there, and you might have to defend yourself!”), though only because he decided he could use it as a walking stick.

Mortimer made his way to the den often in the winter days when Buckthorn’s health began to fail him, brewing soothing teas and medicines, keeping him company while Constance slept. When the old badger went to his final rest it was Mortimer who said the funeral service, tenderly placing a bundle of early quince on the grave Constance had hacked from frozen ground.

Several days had passed since then, and the two of them sat at table together, sharing a jug of blackcurrant wine to drive off the icy chill. Constance was red-eyed but composed.

“I was thinking of taking some time to myself. Travelling someplace new, like my granddad liked to do.”

“Outside of Mossflower?”

“Perhaps.” She drained the last dregs of her cup, set it carefully back down on the tabletop. “He told me a lot of stories about Salamandastron, the mountain of the fire lizard, where his father and brothers ruled. Maybe it’s time for me to pay a visit there.”

“But surely not until the springtide, friend.”

“No. No, I’ll wait until the snow melts.”  Seeking to reassure him, she gave Mortimer a tired smile. He had taken his final vows and now wore the wide-sleeved brown robe of an Abbey Brother, which made him look, if possible, more solemn than ever. “But the sooner the better. I don’t think I’m meant to spend the rest of my life as a farmer. You’ve already found your path, you old fogey, and I’m glad for you. I don’t have that yet.”

For a moment silence fell. It was an end and a beginning. They always had known it might come to this, but hoped it never would. 

“You’ll come back to us, won’t you?” Mortimer asked her.

“Of course I will.”

  ***

  It had been a long struggle across shifting sands, chilled and buffeted by the wind. Her mouth was full of grit and her paws stinging from the many tiny cuts left by jagged rocks and sharp blades of spiky sea grass. She was hungry and thirsty and weary to the bone.

But at last, after weeks of travel, the great mountain was in her sights.

A military hare in a buff-colored coat was waiting her at its base; curiously, he seemed to have been expecting her for some time. He swept off his jaunty feathered hat and made a low bow, to which she responded in kind.

“Is this Salamandastron, the mountain of the fire lizard?”

“The very place! And surely you must be the charming Lady Constance, daughter of Iris and Birchstripe, grand-niece to Lord Oakpaw the Valiant, eh wot! By the left! My pater’s pater served under your great uncle!”

“Just Constance, thank you,” she replied firmly, shaking his paw with a grip that made him wince.

“Just Constance, what an odd moniker! Right-o, I’ll give you the full tour. Please to jolly well follow me, madam!”

He led her upwards through a warren of stone corridors, grey and bleak, but fresh with bracing sea air and the tangy smell of salt and seaweed. He was chattering all the way.

“This, dear gel, is the ancestral home of badgers such as your good self, although it’s a few seasons since our valiant Lord went off questing after some wicked corsairs to the south—vile creatures, nasty tatty rats, all of ’em, need a lesson in cold steel. And so but a few of us gallant and handsome hares, such as myself, the humble Corporal Merriwether, remain here, guardin’ his domicile while he’s away, keep the home fires lit, so to speak. I’ll show you the common areas, dormitories and kitchens of course, the forge room, the terrace gardens, perchance even the entrance to the sacred jolly hall of badgers itself…but here’s the ticket, just the place to start. The mess hall!”

As they approached Constance could hear a commotion – at first what she thought was the sound of several creatures shouting, but then recognized as one creature doing three or four different voices, as the mood suited him. Corporal Merriwether sighed.

“That’ll be one of our new recruits. My apologies for the disturbance, marm.”

They rounded the corner and found themselves abruptly in the Salamandastron dining hall: brightly lit by westward-facing windows, with a crackling fire along one wall and long wooden tables and benches arranged in the center of the room. A slightly bucktoothed grey hare in regimental red was leaping and bounding from table to table, his long ears flopping comically about as he berated his lunching comrades, each of whom ignored him steadfastly. Constance had never in her life seen a creature behaving in such an outrageous manner.

“Cowards! Bounders! Fiends! Yah boo, ya rotters, I can outscoff any three of you with my paws behind me back, so there!”

“Steady in the ranks there! What’s all this about, you young terror?” barked the Corporal. The mad hare came smartly to attention and threw him a swift salute.

“Sah! Was simply interested in a little pie-scoffin’ competition, sah! First beast to finish their pie jolly well wins, sah!”

“You ’orrible animal, what on earth for?”

“Simply a spirit-raisin’ game, sah, fun for the troops, good for the morale, eh wot!”

“I could eat,” said Constance mildly, to general surprise. Several of the Long Patrol hares instinctively stood upon seeing the badger in their midst, and the red-coated hare made an elegant leg.

“By Jove! Honored to have such a worthy opponent, I’m sure! May we commence with the challenge, sah?”

The Corporal looked doubtful, but turned on his heel to shout in the direction of the kitchens.

“Oh, dash it all, if the badger Lady wants to humor the lower orders…Cook! A mushroom ’n’ tater pie for the young badgermiss, wot!”

Constance took a seat on a comfortable bench across from her challenger, who sat poised with wooden fork and knife hovering over a massive golden-crusted pie. In a twinkling a stout hare came hurrying over to place before her a pie of similar size, tugging respectfully at one of his ears.

“With the compliments of me goodself, Cook an’ Colonel Puffscut, marm. Rules for a Long Patrol scoffin’ competition are simple: on the count of three, start eatin’. First beast to finish their plate’s the winnah. One…two…three!”

Without further ado the hare across the table began shoveling down forkfuls of pie, gravy dripping from the corners of his mouth. All eyes were on Constance, who in turn was watching her challenger with great amusement. She waited until he had almost finished his portion before locking eyes with him, opening her massive jaws, and wedging the entire pie into her mouth. After three leisurely chews and a draught of nettle beer she swallowed and shrugged at him, wiping her paws fastidiously on a napkin.

“What was that you were saying about outscoffing three creatures at once?”

There was a smattering of applause from the Long Patrol hares, most of whom were glad to see their eccentric comrade taken down a peg.

“Good show, marm!” the strange creature cried sportingly, still covered in mushroom gravy, as he extended a paw for her to shake. “The name’s Basil Stag Hare, doncha know. I think we two fellow faminechops would make awfully good pals!”

“I certainly ’ope not,” the Corporal remarked despairingly to the Colonel. Constance had to hide a sudden grin.

  She soon fit in at the mountain fortress: she was a badger in her prime. The hares kitted her up with a runner’s pack and sling, and she took to galloping alongside the patrols in daylight, telling jokes and gulping nutbrown ale by firesides at night. She spent hours in the forge room, smashing metal into arrowheads and sword blades, although she still preferred a simple javelin or the strength of her own limbs above all else. Basil, the renowned, if ridiculous, fur ’n’ foot fighter, taught her to box, a pursuit in which she excelled. A single right cross from one of her massive paws was enough to lay low a ferret or stoat (or once, by accident, an unprepared Lieutenant Swiftscut) for half a season.

A few of her most impressive feats became the stuff of legends in later days, such as the time when Basil convinced her to skip kitchen duty for an unauthorized day of leisure on the shore. It was a baking-hot summer’s morn, and they had unbelted their weapons so that they could swim in the cool green sea. They then sat wolfing down purloined fruit salad and honeyed damson tartlets, using a massive chunk of driftwood – perhaps the wreckage of a lost corsair ship – as a table. It was the badger who heard the approaching pawsteps first, and turned to see two weasels and a fox trying to sneak towards them, toying with their bladehilts.

“I say, chaps,” Basil said, feigning indignance. “This is a private party, d’you mind?”

“Shaddup, rabbit!” snarled the fox. “Don’t try to go fer yer weapons, they’re too far. Wot kind of vittles have ye got there?”

“Oh, a smidgen of this, a smidgen of that. ’Fraid there’s not enough left to share.”

“I’ll be the judge of that. Hand ’em over, or I’ll gut ye!”

With eye-blurring speed the fox drew his rusted cutlass and slashed at the air a hairsbreadth in front of Basil. The hare sidestepped and moved swiftly to stop him, but Constance was faster. With a mighty heave and a sky-shattering roar she levered their picnic table out of the sand, sending food flying and swinging the heavy spar in one fluid motion in the direction of their assailants.

“Blood ’n’ vinegarrrrr!”

CRACK!

All three vermin were knocked poleaxed to the ground, stricken completely senseless. Constance tossed the spar aside with a snort of satisfaction, only to see Basil dancing about on the sand about like a madbeast.

“What’s the matter? Are you wounded?” she demanded, but the hare was merely overcome with awe.

“Absoballylutely spiffin’, wot! Strewth, I’ve never seen anything like it!”

“Well, I thought I heard him ask you to pass the damson tartlet,” she said modestly.

  Then there was another incident that aroused much mess-hall gossip later, not all of it friendly. Corporal Merriwether, driven half mad after several seasons’ of Basil and the badger’s endless capacity for trouble, had allowed the pair of them out on a weeklong patrol, accompanied by two companions. They were a few days’ journey from Salamandastron, in the last hours of their assigned mission, when a runner named Gurdee spotted a shabby lean-to built precariously against the cliffs. A mangy grey and white rat was crouched outside at a feeble fire. He did not appear to be armed, but Gurdee’s fellow runner, a hare named Bayberry, was taking no chances.

“Paws where we can see ’em, laddie buck! Just what d’ye think you’re doing on these shores?”

“Tryin’ to keep warm,” the rat said dully.

“Wouldn’t happen to be one of Zivka Bluesnout’s scummy corsairs, would you?”

“A deserter, probably,” Basil suggested, in a voice that seemed to propose moderation, but the rat made no reply, and Bayberry ground his teeth together at the slight. With a nod to Gurdee the pair of them drew their rapiers, perhaps seeking to intimidate him into an answer. Bayberry cut the ropes holding together the rat’s dilapidated tent, and Gurdee stirred up the seacoal with the point of his sword, extinguishing the last frail sparks of the fire.

“Stay mum if you wish, but we can’t have questionable characters campin’ out on our Badgerlord’s territory. You’ll need to clear out by nightfall.”

The rat had not made one move to stop this destruction, but instead sat watching listlessly from the sand, one grubby paw splayed protectively over a deep wound in his foreleg. When she saw it Constance barked out a sharp order, her voice echoing off of the cliff walls like a thunderclap.

“Hares, leave that creature alone!”

Obediently they froze, but there was surprise and perhaps even slight resentment in their eyes. Constance ignored them and turned her attention back to the rat.

“How did you injure your leg?”

“Slipped,” he said hollowly. “On the sea rocks, foragin’ the tide pools.”

“When?”

“Few days ago.”

Constance tugged her haversack from her shoulders and began rummaging through it, coming up with a clean strip of bandage and pawful of pungent leaves and mosses.  

“Clean the wound in sea water, and then bind it with these herbs. It may sting, but it’ll heal. In the meantime, you’ll want to stay off it as much as you can. Do you have enough food here to last you a day or two?”

The rat shook his head. Constance dug through the haversack again and then set the last of her field rations, a strong wheat loaf and some good mountain cheese, atop the empty cask that served him as a table.

“Take these and move once when you’ve had time to rest. We’re sorry to have bothered you.”

Then without waiting for a word of thanks she turned on her heel and marched away from the scene, accompanied swiftly by Basil. Gurdee and Bayberry sheathed their blades with a last warning look at the rat before jogging to the badger’s side. They disapproved and did not try to disguise it.

“Not entirely sure I understand you, marm, givin’ away healing medsuns like that to a rat, of all creatures.”

“Rather, wot! An’ beggin’ your pardon, but it sticks in my gizzard to see proper gentlebeasts’ tucker wasted on a villain like that!”

Basil, seeing the strange look in her eyes, was the only one who remained silent. Constance continued to stride ahead at a purposeful double-march.

  On the journey back to Salamandastron she seemed somehow a changed creature, moody and withdrawn. She no longer hungered after battle and danger the way the young hares did. Even the ballads and marching songs, rousing tales of glory and peril and heroism, had lost their charm. She trusted only Basil for counsel, sitting up to talk with him late into the night.

She missed the new green of oak leaves in the woodlands, the ruddy rose of sandstone in the setting sun, the stillness and sweet fragrance of the Abbey orchards. She missed a gentle, kindly mouse in the habit of his Order, cooling his footpaws with her on the banks of the River Moss.

One morning she left the mountain behind and went home to Mossflower Country.

  ***

  She could hear the ringing of the Joseph Bell even from a distance, clear and strong and exultant, and almost in spite of herself began to run, paws churning up the pathsoil. Through the lacework of budding beech and elm leaves she soon saw flashes of pink stone, and then she found herself before the gate. She had to pause for a moment to catch her breath and calm her emotions. She had dreamed of this moment every evening of her journey back; perhaps she would wake up to find that this too had been nothing but her imagination.

Then she stepped forward and rapped at the door.

After a few moments a chubby little dormouse heaved the doors open, peeking cautiously around the corner. At the sight of her his mouth fell open, and he nearly dropped his bunch of gatekeys in surprise.

“May a weary traveler enter?”

“Heavens above!” the dormouse said breathlessly. “You must be that badger our Abbot talks about so much! Come inside, come inside and rest yourself. My name is Brother Abel. I think I remember you from a midsummer’s feast.”

No sooner had the gatekeeper let her into the Abbey grounds than another mouse materialized as if from thin air. Before she could say a word he flung his paws around her, laughing and weeping all at once.

“Constance! Constance!”

“Mortimer!”

“Constance, my dear, dear friend!”

Mortimer was a young mouse still, but his fur was already taking on a tinge of silvery grey. His face was alight with joy. He stepped back to get a better look at her, awed by her obvious strength and size.

“You’re as tall as an oak! Where have you been all these long seasons?”

“You’re the same height as you always were. I’ve been traveling, like I said I would.”

“You must tell me all about it! Let’s go for a walk in the cloister gardens. Thank you, Brother Abel, you can close the gate.”

Brother Abel made a respectful bow, a gesture which surprised Constance. But she soon forgot about it as she related to Mortimer the story of her travels. For what felt like hours she told him of the mountain and the great gray-green sea, the hares she had befriended and the dangers she had faced. With every step they took through the familiar gardens, every time Mortimer laughed at a funny story or gasped at a tale of a narrow victory over vicious foebeasts, her heart felt a little lighter.  

“Well, that’s about it,” she finished at last, wanting to hear about what he’d been doing all this time.  “I’ve had plenty of adventure, like I wanted to. And now I don’t know what to do.”

“So does this mean you’re here to stay?” he asked hopefully. Constance let out a sigh.

“Oh, I don’t know. Does Abbot Cedric have a use for a large, grouchy badger like me?”

“Good old Abbot Cedric. I’m sure he would have, but he went to his rest two seasons ago, I’m afraid.”

“I’m sorry, Mortimer. I know you were close to him.”

“He was a wise and compassionate soul. I hope I am serving well in his stead.”

“What do you mean?” asked Constance. Then, suddenly, she understood Brother Abel’s bow. Mortimer seemed to draw himself up a little, a creature fulfilled and fully at peace.

“Just before Abbot Cedric passed on, he told me that he’d decided to leave Redwall Abbey and all its creatures in my care. I am Abbot Mortimer now.”

  Constance was still grappling with this news when she felt somebeast step on her footpaw. A mousebabe and a small squirrel, both clad in the linen smocks of Abbey young ones, had attached themselves to the hem of her tunic, tugging and pushing. They were addressing her in what they imagined was their best imitation of a badgers’ voice, trying to make themselves sound gruff and fearsome.

“I’mma bigga strong badger, make you falla down!”

“We’re not scareded of anybeast!”

Constance was not used to little ones, but she felt her heart soften. With a wink to Mortimer she scooped the pair of them up single-pawed, tumbling dramatically into a patch of clover and coming to rest with a bump.

“Phew, what fierce warriors! You’ve slain me, you little rogues!”

“Yee hee! Again! Again again again!”

“These little scallawags are Holly and Jessamine, two of our most ferocious Dibbuns,” Mortimer said, smiling. Constance looked aghast.

“Dibbuns? What in the world is that?”

“It’s what we call the young ones here at Redwall.”

“Nonsense. I’ve never heard something so ridiculous.”

“Again again again!” interrupted the squirrelbabe Jessamine, trying to clamber up onto Constance’s head. Constance struggled to her feet in mock exhaustion and bent to take each of them by the paw.

“How about you two ruffians show me and Mor – the Father Abbot to the kitchens first? I’m famished!”

“What does badgers likes to eat?” Holly demanded.

“Naughty little mice and squirrels!” Constance said, raising her eyebrows and showing off her shining canine teeth.

“No!” shrieked Holly in terrified delight, while Jessamine giggled. “They likes chesknutters an’ strawbee cordial!”

“Oh, that’s right! I forgot. I bet you like chestnuts and strawberry cordial too. Here, let’s wash our paws off in the pond first.”

“I think we may have a use for a large, grouchy badger after all,” said Mortimer, with proper Father Abbot-like sobriety.  

  She did not go back to the cottage where she had grown up. Mortimer had tended it for her while she was away, but she felt that with a new chapter of her life should come new lodgings, and had him find a family of poor fieldmice to live there instead. Nights she slept out on the soft grass of the Abbey lawn, waking up drenched in dew. In the early mornings, recalling her Salamandastron routine, she let herself out through the side gate and took long rambles through Mossflower Wood, running, swimming, testing her strength against heavy boulders, practicing with spears, javelins and her grandfather’s longbow, which she kept stored in a mossy log, away from Mortimer’s slightly rueful glances and the peaceful Redwallers’ fearful ones.

But she was always back at the Abbey before luncheon, helping with chores and, mostly, keeping a weather eye on the mischievous young ones, who soon began to call her “Muvver Constance,” just as the grown-ups respectfully referred to her as “the Badgermum.” She had an unexpected gift for caring for the Abbeybabes, and eventually she knew she wouldn’t dream of doing anything else. She traded her woodland homespun for an apron and stout gown, with deep pockets to hold clean handkerchiefs and found toys and coltsfoot pastilles. At mealtimes she could often be found sitting at the young ones’ table, spoon-feeding the smallest of the babes, convincing middle-aged ones to eat their turnips and rutabagas, cuddling and rocking fractious infants to sleep while their older siblings perched on her shoulders. At bedtime she tucked the little ones in, one by one, and hummed old badgerwives’ lullabies or related Martin-the-Warrior legends until the dormitories echoed with the sound of gentle snoring.

Mortimer’s heart gladdened the first time she spoke of Redwall as home.

  ***

  Constance was several seasons his elder, but it was Mortimer who grew old and fragile first. His eyesight grew blurry, necessitating a pair of crystal spectacles. In the winters, when the orchard trees were brown and brittle, and the Abbey grounds sparkled white with snow, his joints sometimes grew stiff and painful. But untiringly he watched over his beloved Redwall, through many peaceful years, as any good Father should: patient, wise, just, kind, with the badger as his strong right paw.

Then came the seasons of Cluny the Scourge.

  In the seconds before she picked up the Cavern Hall table and threatened to smash it over the warlord’s head, she chanced a glance at her friend and saw on his face an expression she’d never seen there before: rage.

In the days afterwards, as Martin was lost to the enemy, as creatures were wounded and killed, this was soon followed by another first, one that startled her even more: uncertainty.

  Constance was bleeding freely from some half a dozen gashes along her flanks and on her paws, wounds earned during a vicious skirmish with several of Cluny’s scouts. Abbot Mortimer worked by candlelight to clean the deep cuts and treat them with herbs. He was unusually silent, not speaking until his work was finished.

“Please try to take better care of yourself, Constance,” he said at last, rather shortly. “You put yourself in danger far too often.”

“I only do what I must, Father Abbot.”

“But if something were to happen to you –”

“You have Matthias and Basil, Jess and Winifred. Redwall would survive.”

“I am asking you as a friend,” said Abbot Mortimer. “My dearest and wisest friend. If we win this war tomorrow it will already have been at too great a price. Do not ask me to suffer your loss on top of everything that has already come to pass.”

Constance was stunned by the emotion in his voice. After a moment she laid a heavy paw on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry to have upset you, Abbot. I’ll try my best.”

It would never have occurred to her to ask him the same. He was as ever the careful, noncombatant Mortimer, a healer and a stretcher-bearer, a creature of peace, and the battle would never breach the Abbey walls to reach him. She would see to it.

  The Father Abbot was awakened by a sword-point at his throat.

  The poison barb on Cluny’s tail had done its deadly work. The Father Abbot was dying.

  ***

  There was much work to be done, after the war ended, but for a while she thought again of flight. Of sandy windswept shores and austere halls of mountain stone. Of the borderlands, of the northlands. Even of the sea. Anywhere but here, where the crimson laterose was still in fragrant bloom, and the big carved chair at the head of Great Hall sat empty, and the verdant gardens were full of mice in wide-sleeved brown robes gathering berries and talking with the Sparra, but none of them was Mortimer.

Yet every time she decided that the wound was just too deep, that she’d go mad with grief if she didn’t get away from here, something – or someone – changed her mind.

Matthias, still victory-stunned: “Constance, what should we do about the Joseph Bell?”

Mordalfus, solemn and deferential: “Constance, where do you think we should house the Guosim warriors who’d like to stay here till the springtide?”

The Redwallers at large, surprising her in Cavern Hole one day with a badger-sized marchpane cake: “Hurrah for Constance! We’d have been lost without you.”

And the young ones, clinging to her apron: “Muvver Constance, don’t be sad.”

  *****************************************

  Slowly summer gave way to autumn, autumn to winter, and winter to a spring whose beauty was beyond compare. John Churchmouse had suggested a season-name upon which they had all agreed.

It was the Springtide of the Warriors’ Wedding!

Constance had spent the preceding week tugging a hay cart far and wide through Mossflower Wood, ferrying creatures to the Abbey for the ceremony that would take place today. Now the Sisters of the order and all her woodland friends had spirited Cornflower away to the dormitories to dress her in cream-colored gown and veil, and Matthias was waiting anxiously in the gatehouse that would become their home, with Log-a-Log and Basil fussing over his tunic, to which he had tied a certain flowered headband that a certain maiden had bestowed upon him, what felt like years ago.

Therefore, Constance was enjoying a rare moment of rest out on the sunwarmed steps overlooking the orchards, as the blossoms danced and the pond rippled gently in a playful breeze. It reminded her of something Mortimer had said. 

I have seen it all before, many times, and yet I never cease to wonder. Life is good, my friends. I leave it to you...

In the kitchens Friar Hugo was making a trifle as tall as two mice, heaping with raspberries, meadowcream, and honey-soaked sponge. Foremole and his crew were filling Great Hall and Cavern Hole with bunches of purple irises, butter-colored daffodils and, of course, cerulean-blue cornflower, while Winifred and her otters lined the cloisters and outside corridors with sweet alyssum and pale pink and white water lilies. Ambrose Spike was shepherding a herd of little ones as they rolled barrels of strawberry fizz, October ale and dandelion-burdock cup to the tables out under the shade. Jess Squirrel and Silent Sam were leaping bough to bough amongst the fruit trees, affixing colored lanterns to the branches.

The friends I know and love are all about me.

Constance remembered another feastday many seasons ago, and a wise young mouse marveling with her at the splendor of the Abbey and the goodness of its creatures, and she felt, for the first time in long memory, entirely at peace.

“Today is a good day, my old friend,” the badger said.

[kneesheee]

Little Devil

warnings: warnings: cursing | blackmail | vague references to child abuse | age regression

Week one had come and gone since The One That is All left her sister in the False Heir’s care.  One week and Nyssa has not gathered anymore news. Oh, she had people following the one called Death Demon, but it was few since the girl had taken to either torturing or straight out killing the ones following her.

She snarled in anger as her technicians picked up on her people dancing alongside the borders of Gotham. They were not welcomed there, and her dearest sister had placed elaborate traps keyed into Nyssa’s frequency. If any of them stepped a foot in that city, they would die immediately. All to protect the False Heir. The boy held no claim over the title, yet Talia just gave it away. As if it were a toy and not a title of prestige.

Nyssa will kill the imposter and then her sister. She will claim the Demon Head’s title and she will get her wonderful little boy back. He was a Prince to be raised in the highest regard. He was destined to rule the world. Not run around in spandex and tights in the slums of alley ways.

“Mistress, we’ve got a location for the Lazarus Prince.”

Nyssa spun around immediately. “Well then. It’s about time. Lead me there.”

--

Piercing green eyes tracked the Red One (Jason, his name is Jason) around the room. He seemed agitated. Something was wrong. He had received a call from someone named Basil. He changed his clothing into something different. (A suit, he called it) He pulled up a magical screen where images of other people spoke to him.

She turned her head to look at the Silent One (Cass. She said her name was Cass). She was the only one besides Jason to speak with her without words. The girl was more fluent than she and Jason, but she made it easier to speak with.

She was also worried about Jason. He was getting incredibly angry.

“Mr. Wilson, I assure you that I know exactly what I am doing. Mother wouldn’t have left me in charge otherwise. We will move forward with these propositions just as she had planned. If there aren’t any more concerns, then this call is just a waste of all our time. I will be sure to inform Mother of the undermining that is taking place inside of this board. Either do your job as you are supposed to, or I will see to it personally that you are blacklisted in every position. I will have you covered in so much red-tape that it be the only color you know.”

There had been a dark presence seeping out of him. Talia could see the Silent One tense as if waiting for a blow to strike. Talia was confused. Jason was only acting as the Demon Head’s Heir. Father was similar though his presence was more menacing than Jason’s.

“If that will be all gentlemen, I have more important things to deal with.”

He made the magical screen disappear before he took a deep breath. The darkness seemed to fade into the background. She had never seen Father do that. His presence spilled over everything and everyone. It was only because of Mother that Talia hadn’t taken some for herself. But with Jason as the Heir and his ability to control it, then there will be no need for Talia to have that. Will it?

She will take some just in case.

When Jason turned to look at her, he didn’t look like the Heir. He looked like the kindhearted brother he had been for the past few days.

“Cass, can you watch T for me? I have an errand to run. It shouldn’t take long.”

Talia didn’t want to be separated from Jason especially not in what he stakes as their safe place. She trusted the Silent One’s skill only when they were at the castle, but this she and Jason’s home.

She will bring forth the dangers of underestimating the daughter of the demon.

--

Jason raced across the rooftop. It had been a week since Jamila left and he heard rumors that the Death Demon had been spotted countless times in Gotham. Though they really couldn’t be counted as rumors considering that she tended to take selfies with her victims that she chased to Gotham or the working girls she took to protecting while she was there.

Not to mention the weird frenemy relationship she had going with Harley. “She’s cool, but like her ex-boyfriend killed you and she stayed by his side. And I know all about abusive relationships, but I can’t get over it. Especially when you count in the fact that she helped as a distraction.”

Jamila was protective like that, but that didn’t stop her from sneaking into Arkham and beheading Joker. She claimed it was on Talia’s orders but the bloodthirsty smile on her face and the bloody clothes she still wore suggested otherwise.

It didn’t take long for him to make it to Ivy’s garden. He noticed the villainess tending to some of her plants quietly. She looked up when he landed in front of her.

“Are you here for another branch of Aloe Vera? I believe I have some in the back.”

“I wasn’t here for that… at first. But I can definitely use some. But I was also so wondering if my cousin dropped off anything?”

Ivy huffed. She also had a weird relationship with Jamila. They were friends but they always argued over Jamila using the plants she gets from Ivy for poisons. She never wants anything else.

“Mm. Yes, she left an envelope. She also left with some sage. That was surprising,” the scientist replied as she stood up. Jason followed her careful to watch out for the rose petals blooming as Ivy walked.

He sat at her table while she passed him the leather and went through her aloe vera plants. She wanted to find one of the good branches.

“You know, Pam, my ma business is looking for botanist. She doesn’t care for criminal history. If you’re interested—”

Ivy turned to look at him with suspicion in her eyes. She opened her mouth to either declined or curse him before attacking. “It’s just a thought. I’ll ask my cousin to spare some time to give you more information. But you can say no. No one is going to try to force you to do something you don’t want to.”

Ivy hummed quietly before passing him a branch. “I will think on it. Do tell your cousin that I will like to her from her soon.”

Jason nodded his head and gave his thanks before leaving to head back to his deaged mother.

--

To the Born-Again Prince,

This is the first week’s update of news regarding your situation. I have successfully managed to siphon out a handful of culprits that could be possible suspects.  From what I have gathered, it seems your problem is either science based or magical. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were a mixture of both. This is Mother we are talking about after all.

Speaking of the Forgotten One, she has sent her people to trail after me. I have shown them exactly why I earned the honor to bear the title of the Death Demon. She also has her mercenaries stationed on the outside of the borders of Gotham. She also has creating havoc in Bludhaven.  I wouldn’t be surprise if that Blue Idiot takes off to fight them.

Do try to keep a leash on that one. It’s a trap. She wishes to draw you all out.

I will also like to inform you to check in on my brother. I do not know what it is exactly, but my instincts scream for me to go after him. Which is confusing… I have never met him so why do I care?

Furthermore, there are pictures and detailed analysis of the suspects that I have found. Look over them. I will wait one week for your answer before I move on with my own plans.

Your darling cousin,

Death Demon

--

Jason sat on his couch going over the information that Jamila provided. At least three of them will end up at the end of this week. Not because Jason ordered it if they didn’t supply suitable information, but because Jamila took a strong offense to misogynist serial rapists and organ traffickers.

From what she could find, many of the men have had multiple contact with Nyssa over the past two months alone.

Jamila has noticed that they are all only at least an hour away from each other. It was either bad planning or a convenient trap she noted in her reports.

At least he managed to narrow down the causes. He sent off a quick email to Tim to get in contact with Zatanna. He just needed her to do a scan over Talia more than anything else.

There will be more problems than solutions if this turned out to be science based. Mainly because of the water of the Lazarus pits that flows through Talia’s bloodstream. More so when she was an adult than she is now. He will need to get a blood sample from Tiny Talia and cross reference it with the few samples he has of her adult form.

He looked up from his papers to the sound of giggling. There had been a stunned paused. When he glanced over, he saw Talia in the ballet outfit that Cass had instructed him to buy on the way back. Again, it was incredibly strange to Talia in such a way.

She would surely kill for the off-brand fabric that the tutu was made of. She only believed in the finest silks and satins. And she loved personally handcrafted material. She had stated you could tell a person’s heart and soul from the things they created personally.

She was standing there frozen as if she couldn’t believe that sound had just came out of her mouth. Jason smiled just a little before heading in their direction. He could always look over the rest of the files later.

“Well aren’t you beautiful,” he told her. She turned to stare at with the same confused and awed look on her face.

“Something wrong. Sound is new,” Jason would be worried about her speaking in broken sentences if he didn’t also know that she managed to read his Jane Austen and Charles Dickens books without stumbling.

“You were giggling. It means laughing lightly and repeatedly in an excited, nervous, or silly way. You were excited about dancing like Cass, so you giggled in your excitement. It’s not a bad thing.”

She scrunched her nose up before accepting his words. Jason picked her and gave a nod to Cass who was packing up her own things. “How about we go fix some brownies and then head over to the Manor? I’m sure Damian would be happy to spend some time with you.”

Talia perked her head up. She was fascinated to know that she had another brother besides Jason. Mother didn’t really talk about him, but she was delighted to get to know him as well.

But first, brownies. She loved watching Jason cook and tasting the food. The last time she had tried to do so when she was with Father, the cook poured hot water on her hands. Talia killed him on Father’s orders, but it was not an event she liked to repeat.

--

Nyssa took slow and sure steps to the young man that had grown to look so much like her and her ex-husband. He was the perfect blend of them both. He was her pride and joy. He was her Prince.

He was resting comfortably in the bed that her subordinates brought him too. The horse tranquilizers were sitting on the bed beside her and she knew it would soon be time for another doze. The Lazarus waters in his blood washed away the effects much too fast for her.

She sat down on the bed beside him and ran her hand through his curls. Her precious baby boy. He would grow stronger and more perfect by her side. They will change the world to the ultimate Utopia. Her father would be proud of her.

“Soon, my son. We will reign supreme.”

[throughtheglassdarkly]

Missing Pieces, part 8

Welcome back. When last you were here, Bella went all murder-hobo and I drew some dicks. Onward.

So once we determined that Bella wasn’t going to immediately collapse into a lifeless puddle of goo, we decided to leave a note for the spymaster of the Knights of the Widow’s Walk. It took me a minute to come up with the right wording, but I eventually settled on this:

“Dear Sir and/or Madam Spymaster:

We have located the loyalist, who is a former associate of Buck’s, and have determined she is working with several Fetches and a pair of non-Court affiliated changelings. One of the Fetches is dead and the other is in our possession. Please advise as to how you wish to proceed.

Love and kisses,

Derek, pledged courtier of the Autumn Court”

With that taken care of, we all went our separate ways, leaving Day’s Fetch in his care. The next couple of days were quiet. A little too quiet. I realized after about three days that we hadn’t heard anything from Bella and she wasn’t answering any texts or calls. Pam, Yova, and I decided to go pay her a visit (Day was having a little too much fun tormenting his Fetch). I made tres leches cake and Pam worked up a world-class guilt trip.

Before we sought Bella out, Yova suggested that we Facebook stalk the Fetch as much as possible to get an idea of what we might be dealing with in the fallout. The Fetch seemed to keep most of the personal stuff on its Facebook on friend lock, but did have some public things, like its work with the university. We couldn’t help noticing that in some of the photos it was with a very tall, handsome dude with short dark hair. The comments all identified him as “Carlos <3 <3 <3”. We could see there were a couple of worried comments on the Fetch’s page in the last couple of days, but since most of the page was private, we couldn’t see anything more than that.

So the three of us traipsed over to Bella’s apartment. Nobody answered and there wasn’t the sound of anyone inside. The next logical step was her workplace, a magic shop that also sold tons of incense and crystals and new age crap for all your Wicca needs. When we got into the place, I was bracing for a huge waft of patchouli, but thankfully the dominant smell was cinnamon, due to the giant stack of cinnamon brooms near the entry. The Professor Trelawney clone who owned the place greeted us and asked how she could help us. When we told her that we were some friends of Bella’s and hadn’t been able to get a hold of her, she told us that Bella had asked for some time off. “And I was very worried about her, something about her aura seemed much darker than usual,” she said. Yova discreetly indicated that there’d been a death in the family and Professor Fauxlawney nodded sagely. She gave us a healing crystal and asked us to bring it to Bella. She was also pretty obviously anxious for us to buy something. Pam and Yova picked out some incense. And I wasn’t going to buy anything. I really wasn’t.

She had geodes. They were so shiny.

Now, lest you think that Bella was in some absolutely horrendous danger, I’ll cut that off at the pass. She was perfectly fine. Physically. Physically, she was perfectly fine. She was staying in a Spring Court safe house alongside Duke Lamington, the Chatelaine who was Mistress Lilly’s second in command. And as it turns out, Bella had not had a good couple of days. She was on autopilot more than anything and wasn’t processing things anywhere nearly as quickly as she could have been. She didn’t remember how she got from one place to another and was having really unpleasant memories of Arcadia, like Amberleigh’s coldness and Lamashtu screaming in her face.

Fortunately, Duke Lamington is a very decent dude and he was giving her some space and letting her try to work through it himself. He did check in on her and on the morning we went looking for her, Bella said that he sat down and told her that he hadn’t experienced it himself, but that he’d heard how jarring and unpleasant confronting a Fetch is. “And I can’t help but notice you’re missing a bit of the exuberance which caught our Court’s attention in the first place,” he told her. He asked if she wanted him to call us, but she wasn’t really in the mood.

Knowing a losing battle when he saw one, Sir Duke asked her what she would like to do and if she would like to go out and have some fun. “Yeah, but I don’t want to do what you do for fun. I don’t wanna go to The Container Store or Bed, Bath and Beyond,” Bella snarked. “There is nothing wrong with Bed, Bath and Beyond except their exorbitant prices,” Duke Lamington said. Despite her being horribly insulting, he told her that he’d arrange for her to have some fun that evening.

Bella told me later that she’d been curious about what Duke Lamington did in the Spring Court and asked him if he could show her what he usually did. He seemed surprised, but went off to get his computer. When he brought it back, he had each and every Excel spreadsheet open. “People want to think the Spring Court is all frivolities and careless pastimes, but there is effort that goes into organizing and maintaining this Court and that falls to me,” he said. Bella was goggle-eyed at how many details he had organized and just started scrolling through the spreadsheets. He told her that they were in the process of planning the Spring Fling, the Court’s inaugural party. “If you want to throw a truly good party you one, spare no expense, and two, arrange everything months in advance so you can book the best venue and hire the best band and arrange for the best caterer and make sure everything goes according to plan.”

While Bella was looking over every single micromanagey detail that he had written down, he told her that he had the numbers portion done, but that they hadn’t yet considered a color scheme and asked if she had any considerations about colors or décor. Apparently last year was a hibiscus theme, which he thought was a little corny but Mistress Lilly insisted on. The year prior was ivy and white lilies (there are a lot of floral themes, apparently). The year that made him shudder in recollection was 1997: the year they did the surfer theme. When she heard that, Bella asked him how old he was and how long he’d been back. He didn’t answer her directly, but told her that wasn’t long after he made it back and that it was one of the things that made him realize how badly the Spring Court needed someone to help organize their ideas. Bella suggested a few ideas for the Spring Fling, like coral and cream fiesta and pink and green flamingos. Duke Lamington nixed the flamingos but agreed to run pink and green by Mistress Lilly. They spent the rest of the afternoon planning the party and hanging out, which Bella said was a nice contrast to her feeling like she was going to die.

Now at this point, Pam, Yova, and I had absolutely no idea any of this was going on. We were walking and talking, trying to go over Bella’s shopping habits as we made our way back to my apartment building. I was still carrying the cake or else I would have been staring at my geode the entire time. So shiny. I asked if we should try the Hot Topics in the area and Yova told me that apparently that wasn’t exactly Bella’s goth aesthetic. Pam was ready to put out an APB at this point.

Our convo got cut short when we got back to my and Yova’s apartment building. Buck was waiting outside at the bus stop, clearly looking for us. We approached and he waved awkwardly. He told us that someone had gone to pick up Day’s Fetch and that he was here for business. “So you got our note,” Yova said. “Oh, yeah. This guy,” he pointed at me, “he’s fucking good.” If it had come from anybody else on the planet, I might have taken the compliment. But being the petty bastard I am, I decided to just give him the cold stare. Yova invited Buck up to her place after I made it clear that he was not getting anywhere near my place without taking off his shoes. “No, no, Derek, your apartment’s been defiled enough in recent memory. But you are taking off your shoes,” she told Buck.

They made their way up right to Yova’s apartment and I stopped off at my place to drop the cake off in the fridge and pick up Paisley. I was not going to be without my attack gecko.

When I got up there, Buck clasped his hands behind his back and said, “So, business. Right. So, awkward, I know. I hear that Aurora is involved,” he said. We nodded. He took in a deep breath and said, “So what you gotta understand is what we were up to was survival. But the thing is if she’s thinking she can wriggle her way back into the good graces of whatever patron she’s found herself now, that’ll mitigate any of the damage done by our fuckup with you guys.” “So losing us did a blow to her reputation?” Yova asked. “Oh, yeah. She was working directly under Scáthach. You don’t piss off a Lady like that,” he said.

Pam delicately asked him, “You know that Scáthach isn’t any more, right?” His eyes got to be the size of Kennedy half-dollars and he said, “What? You’re fucking with me.” We told him the brief details about how she’d lost her title and her keep and her spear. He looked stunned for a few minutes before he got out, “Holy shit. Holy actual shit. Then… it means one of two things. Either clean slate or we got the problem of being attached to a fuck-up. And she’s gotta work three times as hard to pick herself up.”

He told us that he’d brought us a list of her previous places in the Hedge where she’d go when she needed to recuperate. We thought at first it was the Knights wanting us to do their work for them, but he told us he wasn’t there for the Knights, he was trying to give us some information to help us. “I don’t know what you guys got in mind as far as payback you want to do, but she’s obviously got your Fetches under her thumb, or at least two of them.” “She called them her babies,” Yova said. “Yeah, she… she does that,” he said, sounding a little creeped out. He told us he didn’t know if she made our Fetches herself, but if she didn’t, she got somebody to provide her with excellent quality building blocks.

Before he left, Yova asked Buck how he felt about Aurora. He said he missed the old life he had, but he wasn’t sure if he missed her or the illusion of power being a loyalist brought. “Don’t get me wrong, our lives sucked, but we weren’t you guys and that does something to you when you kind of hate the position you’re in,” he said. We asked if he wanted to help capture Aurora or seek some revenge. He said he didn’t want any part of it and wanted to put that behind him. He tossed a notepad to Pam and made his way to the door. As he walked out, I tossed over my shoulder, “Don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.”

Pam looked in the notebook and saw a hefty list of locations in the Hedge and the mortal world with sporadically active trods we could use to get to and from those places. Yova asked what our thoughts were and I said that we obviously weren’t at full strength now, but that we needed to strike before she was able to recover too much. We agreed that we needed to let Day get his Fetch claimed and then grab him and in the meantime figure out just what the hell was going on with Bella.

Thankfully, during her time when she was considering joining the Spring Court, Yova got Duke Lamington’s phone number and she gave him a ring. He was polite as always and asked her how he could help. She told him that we didn’t know where Bella had gone and hoped he would have some idea, which is when we learned that she was safe and in the Spring Court’s care, though he did admit she wasn’t doing terribly well. Yova asked him if he could pass on the message to her that things were happening that had to do with the night Bella killed her Fetch. He agreed and put her on hold so he could ask Bella what she wanted to do. When he got back on, he said that Bella was being very vague and not paying a huge amount of attention.

Duke Lamington told Yova that he and Bella were going to go out that evening and Yova proposed he give her the location of where they were going so we could bump into them and see how Bella was. He agreed, then asked her if he could get her advice on where to take Bella. “This is a sort of lifestyle that I have absolutely no familiarity with. There was a 90s night at the local beer hall, would that be appropriate?” he asked.

When he asked this, Yova pulled the phone away from her ear and looked about as pained as I’ve ever seen her. She very quietly said, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” I sat next to her with Paisley so she could cope.

Yova turned back to the phone and, with a look of abject agony on her face, asked, “What sort of thing did Bella ask for, specifically?” “Loud music and flashing lights, I did confirm the flashing lights,” Duke Lamington told her. Yova proposed that she act as the outsource for this and quickly called one of her Juilliard contacts, asking where the best place in Albany was for a rave. She managed to get the address of a rave that was held in an empty store area of one of the malls in town and passed that on to the Duke. He ran it by Bella and she said, “I can’t even see you at a rave. But yeah! Let’s do it!”

While all this was going on, I still had Paisley in my lap. I looked down to her and asked, “So, girl, you up for a rave?” She looked up at me with a quirked head. “Rave, uh. Loud music, flashing lights, lots of drugs?” I asked. She considered for a second and then, if I’ve ever seen a gecko shrug, that was it. She stayed home.

The next few hours we spent raiding Yova’s closet to try and get outfits for a rave. And yeah, yeah, I know what you’re going to say. I have club wear, I don’t have rave wear. I did not get the gay dancing gene. Bella also took Duke Lamington out for appropriate rave attire. He got a snazzy neon bow tie and suspenders. Yova also called Marigold and asked her if she wanted to meet us there. She jumped at it.

Bella and the Duke were the first ones to get to the rave, not long after it opened. He mostly was there to chaperone Bella, though he did do a little dancing to humor her. We got there about twenty minutes later and thankfully managed to spot the Duke quickly enough, with that neon blue bow tie. Bella actually seemed like she was doing much better; she was going through her usual Bellaisms. We made our way over and she waved at us, looking happy. “I didn’t know you guys were going to be here!” she said. Pam and Duke Lamington shared a look – we’d all heard him telling Bella that we were going to be coming along.

While Pam and I tried to figure out what was going on, Yova got a text that Marigold was there and Yova sent her a picture of what she was wearing. She made her way over to the bar, where Marigold was sitting, dressed in her normal Wednesday Addams getup and nursing a hot pink drink, looking delighted. Yova greeted her (with a nice kiss on the cheek – yes, I was watching) and told her she looked happy. “Oh, I am! This is fascinating!” Marigold told her, going on about all the social dynamics. Yova was looking positively charmed and warned her about taking anything from anyone who offered it. “I’m not that naïve,” Marigold scoffed, pulling out her bag. “Look, see, I have a whistle, and a can of mace, and this straw is supposed to change colors if you put it in a drink that has date rape drugs in it.” Bless that child.

Yova brought Marigold back over to where we were on the dance floor and we all greeted her. Pam told her how nice she looked and some of us proceeded to dance awkwardly (Duke Lamington doing the two-step, Pam doing a shimmy, Marigold swaying in place, me doing the cabbage patch) and others less awkwardly (Yova dancing around Marigold, Bella just having a good time).

But then. As we were dancing, both Yova and I spotted a couple of young women pushing their way through the crowd toward us, looking surprised and emotional. We pointed them out to the others and Bella quickly recognized them as old friends of hers. She turned, completely freaked out, and started making her way in the other direction. Yova, thankfully, reacted quickly. By picking me up and throwing me like a goddamn discus at them. They were pissed as hell at me and it stopped them from moving forward, but didn’t stop them from spotting Bella and they darted off through the crowd after her. Yova swooped in, picked me up, and started acting like a running back. I looked up at her and managed to get out, “When we get out of here… I’m gonna kick your fuckin’ ass.”

Yova managed to stop one of the girls by running into her, but the other caught up with Bella and asked her what was going on and why she was acting the way she was. “And what is up with this look?” she asked. Bella tried to affect a Spanish accent, making like it was a case of mistaken identity. Around this time, the rest of us managed to catch up. “What is going on, is this cold feet or something?” Between Bella’s denials and Yova’s insistence that the girl was mistaken about who Bella was, she finally left, but was clearly unhappy about it.

We made our way outside the mall and Duke Lamington gently told Bella that she was going to have to deal with what happened with her Fetch. I realized that this was probably the time to let Bella know what she might be dealing with and I pulled the ring out of my pocket and handed it over to her. “What’s this?” she asked. “I found that in the pile of rags that was your Fetch the other night,” I said. She didn’t seem to be putting it together, but Yova reminded her that the girl mentioned getting a case of cold feet. Bella looked at the ring a minute longer, then put it in her pocket and stormed off, saying, “Not my problem!”

Duke Lamington told us that it wasn’t exactly the Spring Court’s place to deal with this, but he wished us luck. “I’ll go check on the little miss and make sure she gets home all right, whether it’s to her own place or our locale,” he said. He promised to let us know where Bella ended up. She ended up asking to go back to her own place and Duke Lamington escorted her there. She told me that when he dropped her off, he told her it was a pleasure hanging out with her and that it wasn’t often members of the Court sought him out. All together now: awwww.

That left me, Pam, Marigold, and Yova hanging outside the mall. Yova apologized to Marigold about the night ending prematurely. “Oh, no, it was fascinating!” she chirped again. She did stare through her glasses after the girl who was traipsing off and, getting a bit more serious, told us that we should be careful about the police in case she talked to them about what was going on with Bella. “I think we might have a bit of help with keeping that at bay, with Officer Break. Did she ever end up contacting you?” Yova asked. Marigold’s shoulders slumped a bit and she said, “Yes… yes, she did. And I was just about to call her back, but then Miss Stella dumped a pile of research projects on my desk.” “She’s good at that,” I said. “Yes, she is. You know, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t sleep,” Marigold said.

We ended up piling into Yova’s crappy pickup and dropped Marigold off at her apartment first. It wasn’t the best part of town, but her building looked nice. Yova then dropped Pam off and drove me back to our building. She parked the car, looked over at me and made a peace offering. “I’ve got a bottle of vodka and mixers upstairs.” “Deal.”

Now, that might have been the end of it. Except that when Pam got home, she could feel the aftereffects of Glamour. It wasn’t hostile or wrong, but she definitely could feel something. As she looked around her apartment, she saw a long, thin thorn pinning a parchment envelope to the wall. Mentally noting that she was going to have to spackle that later, she pulled out the thorn and opened the envelope, breaking a messy wax seal. Inside was a small note that read: “HEY KIDS, WE’RE BUSTIN OUT. -C P.S. TELL THE OLD MAN I’M GONNA PUNCH HIM.”

By this point, Yova and I were upstairs in her place. I was starting to put together some Moscow mules and she was trying to change out of her thigh highs. Pam called me and I picked up, saying, “Fallen Angels Abortion Clinic, you knock ‘em up, we knock ‘em down, we have a special on twins today, how may I direct your call?” Pam took a second to respond, then said, “I’m sorry, I think I have the wrong number,” and hung up. I cackled for a few seconds, then called her back.

“Oh, Derek. I think that somebody has your number,” she told me. “No, no, that was me,” I said. “He’s a shit on the phone!” Yova called from her closet. “So, what’s up?” I asked. “Well, I just got a note from Cassi. It said they’re breaking out,” she said. I felt my feathers spring up into full alert and I snapped my fingers to try and get Yova’s attention. “What? What is it?” she asked, leaning out of her closet dangerously. “THEY’RE BREAKING OUT!” I yelled. “OH SHI –” she yelled, losing her balance completely.

“Oh, that sounded painful,” Pam said. “Yeah, it was like watching a sequoia go down,” I said. “Uh, we’re going to – Yova, how long is it going to take you to change?” I asked. “Five minutes!” she said, contorting herself to try to get those damn thigh highs off. “Right. Um, we’ll be there in ten minutes,” I said. “I’m just going to change into something that’s not – this.” “I don’t know, Derek, I think Adrian would find that very fetching,” Yova said from the floor, pointing to my mesh shirt. “Shut up, Yova!” I yelled, darting for the door.

And so that brings our current story to a close. When next you come back, I’ll tell you all about the next fine kettle of fish we managed to get ourselves into. Until then, may your friends never use you as ballast for their Olympic tryouts.

[whiskerheir]

Gｅｎｅｒａｌ –

Height:   180 cm Weight:  fluctuating; he’s spent most of his life underweight. Due to he and Kurama bonding now it’s changing and he’s gaining weight carefully. Ethnicity:  Konohagakure. Occupation:  Ex-Shinobi, Sage, Unemployed. Gender:  Cis Male. Sexual Identification:  Bisexual Romantic Identification:  Demiromantic. Myers Briggs Type:   Mediator ( INFP )  /  really depends

Sｐｅｃｉｆｉｃｓ –

Favorite Food:   Ideally it’s RAMEN , but he’s interested in plenty of other foods. Fruits are probably his second best ( apples, oranges, plums, bananas, melons ) so he really doesn’t have just a singular favorite ! Naruto is content in trying new and exotic foods if given the chance, but he kindly sticks to what he knows. 

Favorite Drink:  Non-Alcoholic? Green tea, peach and very rarely ginseng. Juices vary, mango and peace, sometimes grape ! He’s not too keen on anything overly fizzy or sour ( although the alcoholic drinks tend to be sour ) Alcoholic drinks? Sake, obviously. It sort of just stuck with him and his taste buds as he grew older ; parties, celebrations, even sneaking some for himself before he even knew what drinking was! Naruto does enjoy the rather FRUITY alcohol drinks when he’s in a good mood, even if he gets teased about it, but it just depends on his moods that he constantly goes through. Fruity for the happier side, sour / bitter for his depressed side. There are far more to his liking, but once in awhile he’ll hit those super strong drinks, alone or with friends. Everyone understands why he mainly drinks, even when he was much much younger he started his spree of drinking when sake left ; his way to cope, even punish himself for his failures.

Favorite Hobby:  Gardening is considered one, if not his secondary. He wouldn’t call himself an artist ( despite destroying half the village in his color schemes ) but it helps him relax and pass the time. Sometimes he even finds himself singing but he knows he’ll never be great at it, even if Gaara says so.

Favorite Scent:  Lemon, orange, miso, hot tea, lavender, fresh rainfall, sake.

Favorite Person:  Sasuke, his parents, Kakashi - sensei, Jiraya, Gaara, Kiba. There are more, but these are just those in few specifics.

Rａｎｄｏｍ –

List ten facts about your character:

1. He has freckles beneath and surrounding his whiskers. They spread across his back too. ( honestly leaving this here because SAME. )

2. Naru suffers from intense parasomnia. Especially when he’s stressed. His sleeping habits aren’t something to laugh about. He falls heavy into sleep; gets trapped in nightmares. This is why he begins to sleep-talk, and sleep-walk. He can sometimes even use jutsus in his sleep. Which is when you have to wake him up for him to harm himself. This lessens a lot after shippuden though. He more than often wakes up in a cold sweat.  ( I also agree / have the same view with his sleeping disorder ; it was pretty mild when he was younger but it only worsened as time progressed ; more than likely the times where he had a goddamn panic attack )

3. He suffers light panic attacks, even when he gets REALLY excited he does go into a tiny panic spell, which takes just a few minutes for him to wind down. These also partake with #2 & #4.

4. Growing up in Team 7 he’s constantly been victim to constant abuse, no matter what silly action he does or says he ends up getting punched, slapped or knocked out for a few hours. Due to this he’s come into the problems of flinching whenever someone raises their voice or moves too suddenly where Naruto ASSUMES he’s about to get hit. Despite that it also takes into the effect where he never had a guardian to help him, or make him understand these sorts of things better. As time gone on he was finding himself becoming rather DISTANT and hesitant with most of his thoughts before making any sort of plan. 

5. Naruto has a heat cycle that comes and goes in waves, it’s strongest when he doesn’t take better care of himself ( or the fact that Kurama enjoys toying with him internally ) which at some points in time he’s forced to stay in his apartment until he’s calmed down. Most heats are sexual frustration, but also at times they’re just bottled up emotions that conflict with him in massive waves. As he grows much older, speaking with a few people, Jiraya, Kakashi, even Kiba about these sorts of things, Naruto does have a sturdy grasp on it.

6. He’s quite flexible, from constant training since youth he’s able to bend himself into several positions that even some professional masters can’t even handle! This became even more useful and obvious when he’d train with the toads, to the point that Naruto can masterfully pull off the perfect split. Several times he’s used these techniques during battle, or a friendly spar with the drunken locust Lee or Tenten and her staff. 

7. Despite never really using weapons other than a kunai or shuriken, there are a few toys that he finds himself on occasion using or training with. Swords are a very common weapon that he likes to practice with, although Naruto enjoys not having to deal with the added weight and the fear of getting HIMSELF hurt he does have the master ability of swordsmanship. Later one after Sasuke returned to the village, the two would train with blades from time to time.

8. He can use BOTH his hands when writing, even though he finds himself comfortable with his right hand, it doesn’t mean his left is completely useless. Sometimes he’ll find himself multitasking without a problem, or he’ll need to focus more with something in particular. 

9. Because of a certain twin, he too wants to eventually get him an orange colored tongue piercing too. He wants to match! 

10. About all the times that Naruto would simply call out Sasuke’s name , even though he had pretty much left the village. Every single day he’d think it was the day before he left , and would always go over to his house to wish him good morning and walk with him to Sakura’s to pick her up for some training. Sometimes there are moments where no one is speaking but he’ll occasionally hear his voice , and mutter his name under his breath  ———  he still talks to the team picture , as if it’ll communicate and his words will reach out to Sasuke wherever he would be. He really got fucked up by his leaving , still holds himself 120% responsible and wants to talk to Sasuke again.  (  an old ass meta just to throw here  )

Five things they like:

1. Sightseeing.

2. Singing / having fun.

3. Drinks; alcoholic or non.

4. Sunagakure.

5. Gardens / ivy greens or cacti.

Five things they dislike:

1. Konoha.

2. Having to be reminded of his past failures.

3. Any of his friends getting insulted / mistreated.

4. Any and all who hate toads. ( same )

5. The way the Third had mistreated him.

Common words/phrases that annoy them?  Passive-aggressive attitudes, short responses, and snarky ones too. He still gets a bit peeved at Sasuke and Kiba, sometimes Temari but that’s very rare!

Personality types they prefer: Fun ones. The kind where he can easily relate! Even the types that are risky, and can get into trouble scheming together.

Personality types they avoid: When younger he wanted to avoid Kankuro’s type, but grew out of it after getting to know him.

What do you find different (or distinct) about your portrayal?: Small things that might be similar to others, but I try to be distinct in his habits and personality. My Naruto does want to correct all the corrupt the village has to offer, even go far as to even become the Kage of Uzushiogakure and UNIFY both villages. He doesn’t also wish to forgive those who wronged him easily, and is still wary of people hating him.

I also agree with this statement here ! No matter how they portray them they’re valid.  All Naru’s are great 💛

Tagged by: @sageheir ❤❤❤❤❤

Tagging: @ruyingu  @nerdschoolgenius @netsurai  @cursedteme  @karukv  @suen-chan @maskage @maskdkyuubi and anyone who wants to! Just steal it xoxo.

[queenofcats17]

Dad Privileges Revoked 2

So, here’s the picture @aceofintuition drew. @startistdoodles also drew this, so I wanted to include Gingie. 

Also, this 

The part at the end is courtesy of @pipesflowforeverandever and @startistdoodles rping in the stream. It was too good for me not to include.

When Gingie visited Snowy next, he was delighted to find that Mary Jane and Ivy were there as well. He, however, was a bit confused as to why there were suddenly new children in Snowy’s studio. Snowy wasn’t exactly the type to amass children as Gingie seemed to.

“Erm, Snowy my boy, why are there new children here?” He whispered as he watched Mary Jane read to Joy and Ivy. It was a rather touching scene, almost enough to make Gingie’s heart melt. 

“It’s kind of a long story.” Snowy shrugged.

“Well, I have time.” 

Snowy rolled his eyes and took Gingie out of the room to fully explain the situation. Once he had, Gingie was less than pleased with the situation. In fact, he wanted to go give Mary Jane’s father a good talking to.

“The nerve of that man!” Gingie slammed his cane into the ground, pacing back and forth to try and release the rage welling up in his chest. “To do that to his own daughter! I would like to have words with him!”

“He’s probably beyond help, Gingersnap.” Snowy shook his head. “I doubt you’d get him to see reason, even if you tried.”

“I just...Urgh!” Gingie slammed his cane again. He couldn’t even properly formulate words for just how angry he was. Family was everything. To think someone would do that to his own daughter...

“Yeah, I know.” Snowy nodded grimly.

“Is everything alright?” Mary Jane peeked out into the hallway. “I heard a lot of loud noises.”

“Everything is quite, alright, my dear.” Gingie immediately put on a bright smile. “Snowy was just explaining the situation to me.”

“Oh.” Mary Jane’s face fell and she drew into herself.  Snowy and Gingie exchanged a glance and Gingie walked over to her. 

“I’m sure Snowy has a lot of work to do.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “So why don’t I keep you and little Joy company? It’s been quite a while since I saw my dear little niece.” Mary Jane hesitated but went back into the break room along with Gingie. Gingie glanced back at Snowy and nodded.

“I’ll be back later,” Snowy said, before heading to his office. Gingie closed the door to the break room behind him, putting on his biggest smile.

“Uncle Gingie!” Joy’s face lit up when she saw Gingie descending the stairs with Mary Jane. She got up and ran over, allowing Gingie to sweep her up in a big hug.

“Hello, my darling girl!” He said, spinning her around. “It’s so so lovely to see you again!”

“Heya Candletop.” Ivy gave him a wink. “How’s it going?”

“And hello to you too, Miss Ivy.” Gingie put Joy down. “How are you on this fine day?”

“Could be better.” Ivy shrugged. “Milkshake yelled at us for trying to take his cookie stash.”

“I told you both not to do that.” Mary Jane sighed, settling down at the table.

“Well, Jellybean wanted a cookie. Who was I to say no?” Ivy asked innocently.

“You should be careful not to eat too many sweets.” Gingie sat down along with the others. “You might get cavities.”

“But Daddy eats sweets all the time.” Joy said.

“And I’ve told him the same thing.” Gingie tapped Joy’s nose with one finger. Joy giggled and covered her nose.

“In any case, what are you all doing?” Gingie turned his attention to Mary Jane and Ivy.

“Well, we were reading.” Mary Jane gestured to the books on the table. “But then Ivy got bored and wanted to draw.”

“So now we’re drawing!” Ivy grinned, happily holding up her picture.

“That’s a very nice picture.” Gingie nodded appreciatively. “Who have you drawn?”

“That’s me.” Ivy pointed to the figure in the middle. “And these are my friends Harvey and Oscar!” She then pointed to the other two.

“I drew me, Daddy, you, Ivy, Uncle Henry, and Mary!” Joy held up her own picture. “We’re all a big family!” Gingie’s smile softened as he stared at the drawing. It was crude, all the figures stick-like, but it was the thought that counted.

“Do you...Do you really consider me part of your family?” Mary Jane asked quietly.

“Mm-hm.” Joy nodded, going back to drawing. “You’re like a big sister! I always wanted a big sister.”

“What about me?” Ivy whined. Joy seemed to think about this for a moment, her little face screwed up in concentration.

“I dunno.” She shrugged. “But you’re family anyway!” Ivy seemed satisfied with this, returning to drawing. Gingie looked over at Mary Jane, who’d fallen silent.

“Mary Jane? Are you alright?” He asked, getting up. Her shoulders were shaking and she had her head bowed. Gingie frowned, getting up and walking over to put a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, revealing tears in her eyes. 

“My dear, is something wrong?” Gingie’s brow furrowed.

“Oh no!” Joy immediately got up and ran over to wrap her arms around Mary Jane. “Don’t be sad!”

“I’m not sad.” Mary Jane sniffled. “I’m just...I’m really happy.” She’d always wanted a sister. She knew her father still loved her, despite what he’d done, but it was hard knowing he’d hurt her and other people. Gingie and Joy held her for a few minutes while she cried and Ivy tried to cheer her up with some slapstick gags. Mary Jane seemed to recover after a little bit and they moved on. Gingie volunteered to read to them, which the girls accepted. Gingie delightedly acted out the stories, along with silly voices. This kept the girls entertained for a good long while. Until Snowy returned. 

Gingie had been in the middle of teaching the girls how to properly draw hands when they’d been interrupted by a loud bang. Immediately, Gingie shifted into protection mode. 

“What was that?” Mary Jane asked, eyes suddenly wide with concern.

“Mr. Franks probably fell over his bucket again.” Joy nodded sagely. Ivy snickered in a way that hinted she’d probably ‘accidentally’ left some buckets in Wally’s path.

“I’ll go see what it was.” Gingie smiled reassuringly. “I’m sure Joy’s right.” He patted Mary Jane’s head before heading out. He immediately went to Snowy’s office. He had a pretty good idea of where the bang had come from. Sure enough, there was Snowy, slumped in his office chair.

“Goodness! You look positively awful!”

“Yeah, no shit, Gingersnap,” Snowy grumbled, giving him a withering look. He had the beginnings of a rather nasty shiner, as well as various bruises and cuts all over his body and a few rips in his shirt.

“What happened?” Gingie rushed to his side, hovering in a very dad-like way.

“I went to confront that bastard.” Snowy shooed him away. “For a guy with a cane, he’s pretty damn strong.”

“Oh my.” Gingie clicked his tongue, fighting the urge to pull out his handkerchief and start wiping off Snowy’s face. 

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Snowy said. “Stop fussing.” Gingie was about to protest and tell Snowy that it likely was as bad as it looked, but he was interrupted by a small gasp from the doorway. Both men turned to find Mary Jane standing in the door to Snowy’s office. Her hands flew to her mouth, tears glittering in her eyes. 

“Oh dear.” Gingie murmured. 

“Did...Did Papa do that to you?” Mary Jane asked quietly.

“Yeah.” Snowy nodded grimly. Mary Jane looks on the verge of tears. Immediately, Gingie was at her side, guiding her away from Snowy. 

“Why don’t we go get something to drink?” He suggested. “I’m sure Snowy needs some time to rest.” Mary Jane offered absolutely no resistance, whimpering quietly as she was led away.

-----------------------------------------------

“Mr. Drew?”

“Yes, my dear?”

“Could I...give you a hug?”

“But of course!” He gave her a warm smile. 

“I want to apologize, for what my father did.”

"Darling dearest, it's not your fault..." He wraps her into a close, gentle hug. "You're alright...it'll be alright..." She doesn’t know what to say she just buries her face in his shoulder

"You're loved and cared for and so so, SO important.”

“Do you think I’ll...be like him one day, Papa? I—I mean Mr. Drew...”

"Darling! No no no!" He holds her closer before backing up a bit, holding her by the shoulders. She looks ashamed, but she looks up to meet his gaze.

His eyes are shiny, betraying their wateriness. "You aren't...what other people choose for you."

"You are a delightful little girl with a warm, splendid heart."

“I don’t want to be like him, but I don’t know why he is the way he is...I don’t want to be a monster again....” 

"Tell me, my dear..." He asked. "Who do YOU want to be?"

“I......” She looks down at her feet. “I just want to make people happy...”

His fingers grip her tighter, his eyes wide as a rough whisper comes from his heart. "Then be...happy." 

“But what if people look at me the same way they look at...him...? I know he doesn’t define me but...do others?”

There's a bit of silence before he speaks again. "Mary-Jane, did I ever tell you about my mother and I?" 

She shakes her head and puts her hand on his. “No...” 

A chuckle softly curls one side of his mouth, his eyes lowering bit too. "She was...a very, very wonderful woman. You could feel it. When you met her...you could...feel her. Do you understand what I mean?" 

She pauses, very clearly thinking about her father and how that wouldn’t apply before her eyes widen and she nods slowly as she seems to remember someone like that.

"A powerful spirit like that makes a name for themselves whether they try to or not. And she was a powerful spirit indeed." He blinks, pursing his lip in memory. "And as her son that...carried with me." 

“I’m sure she was...being your mother and all...” She puts a hand on his shoulder. “You had a positive influence to draw from.”

Gingie nods his head side to thought with a thoughtful smile. "Yes, I say she's been..very positive in my life. But more so what I mean is that..." And before his gaze was so firm upon the child in front of him, but it suddenly fades to look ahead at nothing. He is now a child himself once again, just for a moment, as he reminisces. "....It was...a very long time for me to figure out the difference between being her child and being me."

His sight finally returns to her, half-lidded and soft with understanding. "And I suppose that's how you must feel right now with your father." He shakes his head. "I can't imagine that looming over you like a shadow day in, day out. But..." And he pulls her in again for a hold.

“He always loved me,” she said softly. “Despite what he has done, I know that for sure. But it’s hard to stand by and watch your own...hurt other people you love. But I’m glad it was me instead of anyone else...”

"He will never stop you from being you. No one's assumptions will ever make you what he is." At her words, he finally chokes up. You can hear him cry in the back of his throat, holding it in for her. "You're such a brave, kindhearted soul. That will make you different forever, even if you forget."

“I don’t think I’ll forget with you watching over me, papa.” She plants a kiss on his forehead.  And just like that, he melts away. He can't hold in his tears, and they fall down one by one over rosy old cheeks and a lip that trembled no matter how hard he bit it.  She wraps gentle arms around his neck and breathes steadily, allowing messy tears to drip on her shoulders. And he so, so carefully pulls her back into his chest as he kneels in front of her, putting a hand gently over her head to smooth her hair in comforting pats. He breathes in a shaken, weary sigh.

“If there were more people like you, this world would be a much gentler place...Don’t lose your spark, ok? You’re just as important as I am.”

If he wasn't holding her close before, he was now- so much so that if she let go he could still pick her off the ground.

"God as my witness, I will not forget who you really are, my dear." He said. "Never in all the years this old heart has left. I won't let you forget either."

Her own lip begins to quiver as soft hiccups lead to quiet tears and a grip on his suit.

"Would you like to come back with me for a bit? With Snowy's permission, of course." She can feel him smile gently as he is pressed into her head. "I don't think he'll mind though"

Mary-Jane nods, her hands rubbing on her swollen eyes. “You’re the only other one Mr. Drew would let me go with,” she chuckles gently. “It would be a pleasure, of course.”

[alcyone2305]

Answer every question :3

acaiberry: what is something you’ve alwayswanted to try but have been too scared to?Probably sleeping ina tree house for a night or two.

aloe botanic: are you always up to date on the latest fashiontrends? do you switch up your look often?Not at all. I wearwhatever I want to wear.

bay rum: if you drink, do you have self control with it?Yes, I do though I’lladmit I sometimes drink for the feeling so I slightly test my limits.

cilantro: describe the perfect dinner.Anything as long asit’s with my boyfriend, snuggled into a blanket and watching any TV show.

earth: what is your strongest personality quality?I have no effin’ clue. 

egyptianmusk: how do you respond to peopleflirting with you? do you enjoy it?I usually don’t notice it atall. I’m oblivious to it. But I do enjoy compliments and skinship to a certainlevel. 

forestrain: how long do you think you couldsurvive in the wilderness?I’m sure it’d depend on whattype of wilderness it’d be. But I doubt I’d survive for more than a week. 

frenchvanilla: what does love feel like to you?Safety and comfort, warmth and home.

freshcut grass: when the weather is warm, whatactivities do you do outside?I rarely do anything outside. Maybe buy an ice cold drink or something. 

gingerlily: do you think you have maternalinstincts? if someone needs to be taken care of, do you take up the task?It depends on which person we’re talking about. Friends, family and boyfriendgo without saying. I try to help out as much as I can, even postponing myschedule as much as I can. Whenever I hear ‘maternal instincts’ I think ofbeing a mother. And no, I don’t see myself being a good mother because childrenannoy me to no end. 

honeydew: describe an ideal day out with a friend.Coffee at a café, talking, laughing, discussing. That’s all. I could do thatfor an entire day. 

ivy: what are three albums that really define you orhave shaped you as a person?I can’t tell. 

lavender: do take therapeutic baths after a long day? ifso, what do you put in them?I do take baths every now and then so I can properly shave myself. I find iteasier to do than showering and shaving. And more than often, I combine thatwith relaxing after a stressful day. There’s a specific product I buy here inGermany but I don’t know the name of the ingredients. 

lemonverbana: do you believe in “forgive andforget”?Forgive, yes. Forget, no. 

passionflower: when you have a crush on someone,how do you show it?I want to talk to them more than ever. I also try to impress them and doanything for them.

patchouli: if you could only keep five possessions, whatwould they be?I’m assuming you’re talking about real objects. So that’d be my phone, mylaptop, one of my cuddle cushions, a charger (duh) and my wallet with itscontents. 

pineneedles: how do you break bad news tosomeone?If I need to tell them, I beat around the bush in the beginning but eventuallyend up telling them. Afterwards I try to cheer them up and give them strengthto hang in there. 

plumblossom: how do you dance to your favoritesong?Mostly just bobbing my head and maybe swaying form side to side. 

rain: is it easy for you to bounce back after beingsad? do you hang on to your sadness?I tend to deal with it much better whenI get to talk about it to someone I trust. It’s a way of structuring myfeelings and impressions to work on a solution. 

sage: if you could give someone one piece of lifeadvice, what would it be?There’s always some asshole out there actively or passively trying to ruin yourlife, your impressions and your opinions. Be ready to be told you’re wrong. 

seamist: how would your friends describeyou?Ask them. I don’t like to talk about myself in the name of others. 

whiteginger: if money wasn’t a concern, howwould you decorate your room?My room is totally fine the way it is because my mother always made sure I gotwhat I wanted for my small room (12 m²).

[sleepinglightt]

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE 150 QUESTIONS

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?My most recent ex

2. Are you outgoing or shy?I’d say I’m pretty outgoing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?Mainly my dad, 2 more weeks!! I’m super excited

4. Are you easy to get along with?I think so? I talk a lot so I probably get annoying but then again there’s always a conversation so 🤷🏻‍♀️

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?I think so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?People with positive energies, cute smiles, and nice hearts

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?Who knows man, I’m pretty emotionally damaged though. I have a lot of baggage.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?My dad, I miss him.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Nope.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?Faith

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“It just really grinds my gears”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?-down 4 u by blackbear-gorgeous by mansionz-surprise party by hoodie allen -ivy by frank ocean-dead roses by blackbear (I love blackbear ok I’m sorry his voice just makes me happy and I can relate with the whole people screwing you over aesthetic)

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Uhhh yes

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?I believe in miracles, but I don’t believe in luck bc I think everything happens for a reason

15. What good thing happened this summer?Pride, I learned a lot about myself, and I got to be in a cool show with some cool people

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?No comment next question pls

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?I think there’s gotta be, the universe is just too big dude.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?No, but funny story I literally only thought he was cool bc we bonded over Chris brown and Halloween town and i was in like 1st grade. Honestly my first REAL crush on a girl who was my best friend and I thought she was an angel tbh

19. Do you like bubble baths?Yup, but I have to at least wash off my body before I take a bath bc I don’t like soaking in my own dirt ya feel

20. Do you like your neighbors?I don’t really know them, one of them is this kinda cool old guy though. He picks up twigs and leaves every morning, pretty dope dude if you ask me.

21. What are you bad habits?I get attached to easily, but I also distance myself a lot when people get to close bc I have trust issues. Like whenever anyone gets too close I freak out bc I don’t know how to handle emotions and I always try to break up with them before they hurt me.

22. Where would you like to travel?I wanna go to the red wood forest in Cali and I’d like to go somewhere where there’s a black sand beach bc I think those are pretty cool.

23. Do you have trust issues?I have major trust issues wdym

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Sleeping

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?The fact it doesn’t work properly is kind of a bummer and it pisses me off. Look wise, I’m not too fond of my nose tbh. It’s kinda big and triangular and I used to think I looked like phineas.

26. What do you do when you wake up?On school days I normally try to wait a minute so I can see how much feeling I have in my legs before I stand up. Sometimes I fall over or whatever but it’s cool. On week ends and days I have doctors appointments I sleep in and then I lay in bed for like 30 mins to an hour and do stuff on my phone.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?I don’t really care tbh

28. Who are you most comfortable around?My closest friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?Yeah

30. Do you ever want to get married?Yup

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?My hair is long enough for like 3 ponytails

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?Ellen page and missy peregrym

33. Spell your name with your chin.Wo fMy name is Alex, but I tried

34. Do you play sports? What sports?I used to play softball and I was in love with it, but then I quit for theatre and music.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?Tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?I normally tell people, but sometimes I don’t

37. What do you say during awkward silences?I normally make a stupid joke

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Uhhhhh next question plS

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?target and thrift stores. Especially value villages, I always find cool stuff at value village.

40. What do you want to do after high school?I’m gonna go to college, I recently have been considering doing pre med and then going to medical school but who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?I think some people do, and I think some people have to prove that they deserve a second chance, but then there are people that don’t deserve even a first chance let alone a second chance.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?I’m either thinking or I’m trying to keep my mouth shut so I don’t say something mean

43. Do you smile at strangers?I always smile when I make eye contact

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Space my dude

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?Sometimes I don’t get out of bed tbh, like today I didn’t get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and to take a shower. Most of the time it’s just bc of school

46. What are you paranoid about?Everything

47. Have you ever been high?Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?Nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Not that I know of

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?It’s rainbow tie dye

51. Ever wished you were someone else?Sometimes, but most of the time I’m happy in my own body

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?I wish I could learn to trust people better and let them in. I tend to isolate myself a lot, even from the people in my house because I’ve been hurt so much that it’s hard to trust people tbh

53. Favourite makeup brand?I really love Anastasia Beverly Hills but I also love tarte and kat von d 🤷🏻‍♀️

54. Favourite store?Target

55. Favourite blog?I have a couple, @thequeerexpoditionist @sapphic-sage @brianniscute and all of the lesbian blogs

56. Favourite colour?Yellow

57. Favourite food? Noodles

58. Last thing you ate?A ho ho bc I’m a ho ho

59. First thing you ate this morning?I had pancakes

60. Ever won a competition? For what?I won some tournaments in softball, does that count?

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Nope I’m a good noodle

62. Been arrested? For what?Never

63. Ever been in love? Yeah

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?It was in a church parking lot and I bumped teeth with the guy and it was awkward, shortly after I broke up with him for my first girlfriend oops

65. Are you hungry right now?Not really

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?I don’t really have a lot of tumblr friends tbh

67. Facebook or Twitter?Twitter bc I love the tea

68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?Nope

70. Names of your bestfriends? Briann, faith, and Elizabeth

71. Craving something? What?I’m craving a cuddle buddy bc it’s cold and I just wanna lay on someone’s chest

72. What colour are your towels?They’re multi colored

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?Okay so I’m weird and I have like 5 pillows on my bed but when I go to sleep I don’t use any of them

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?Yeah don’t judge me

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?Probably like 10-15 but a lot of them are in my closet (just like me)

75. Favourite animal?I really love dogs, they make me happy. I also really love cats though. I LOVE ALL ANIMALS HONESTLY

76. What colour is your underwear?It’s blue

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Swirl ;) just kidding I like vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Vanilla with strawberries in it

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?It’s grey and it has dogs on it

80. What colour pants?I’m wearing black shorts

81. Favourite tv show?The x files, but I’ve recently been watching the good doctor and it’s really good!

82. Favourite movie?Dead poets society orrrr perks of being a wallflower

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Mean girls what kind of question is that

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?I’ve never seen all of 21 jumpstreet so I guess mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Gretchen, I can relate to her anger

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Either the starfish, the puffer fish, or the little squid girl

87. First person you talked to today?Faith

88. Last person you talked to today?So far it’s been Faith

89. Name a person you hate?I don’t talk about him

90. Name a person you love?Briann!

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Not really?

92. In a fight with someone?I don’t think so

93. How many sweatpants do you have?Like 1 pair no joke

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Too many

95. Last movie you watched?THE NEW SAW MOVIE OMG

96. Favourite actress?Ellen page bc I have a crush on her

97. Favourite actor?Zachary Quinto bc I love him and he was great in Star Trek plus heS GAY

98. Do you tan a lot?I don’t tan, ever.

99. Have any pets?I have a dog named gizmo but he doesn’t love me as much as I love him :((

100. How are you feeling?Like crap, same as usual

101. Do you type fast?On my phone? Yes. On my laptop? No.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?I regret a lot of things, but ya gotta learn one way or another 🤷🏻‍♀️

103. Can you spell well?I think so

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?I guess so

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Yup

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?Unfortunately I think so

107. Have you ever been on a horse?Yeah

108. What should you be doing?I should be writing an essay

109. Is something irritating you right now?Not really

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Yeah

111. Do you have trust issues?Um yeah I already answered this oneeeee

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?I don’t even remember I try not to cry in front of people

113. What was your childhood nickname?I used to get called Grace in softball bc I always tripped over my own feet and I’d constantly get hurt lmao

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yup thank god

115. Do you play the Wii?I haven’t played the wii in forever but I bet I’d still kick ass in wii tennis

116. Are you listening to music right now?Nope

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?I love chicken noodle soup bc I love noodles

118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes yes yes

119. Favourite book?Right now it’s probably diary of an oxygen thief, but looking for Alaska is still my all time fav

120. Are you afraid of the dark?Kinda I get The Spooks™

121. Are you mean?Sometimes I can be really mean, most of the time it isn’t intentional and I feel bad but sometimes it’s well deserved

122. Is cheating ever okay?Nope

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Probably not, I don’t own a pair of white shoes though

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Nah

125. Do you believe in true love?Yeah

126. Are you currently bored?Not really

127. What makes you happy?Coffee, genuine hugs, dogs, hiking, the way the sun feels on a chilly day, good grades, sleeping, ya know the usual stuff

128. Would you change your name?I used to hate my name, but now I think it’s pretty cool

129. What your zodiac sign?I’m a Gemini with a rising Scorpio

130. Do you like subway?Not really

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Next question

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Faith

133. Favourite lyrics right now?“And you give good head, make daddy real proud of you” bc the way blackbear says it is really cool and I wish someone would give me good head and call me daddy

134. Can you count to one million?Probably not lmao

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I’ve told a lot of dumb lies I think it’s a pretty human thing to do

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?I have to sleep with them open and I hate it bc I get really paranoid

137. How tall are you?I’m 5’6

138. Curly or Straight hair?I have straight hair but I think curly hair is really pretty

139. Brunette or Blonde?I have a thing for brunettes

140. Summer or Winter?Winter

141. Night or Day?I feel inclined to say night, but I like doing things during the day so idk

142. Favourite month?Used to be December but someone had to fuck it up for me so idk

143. Are you a vegetarian?No, I’m trying to be though

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?All chocolate, I don’t discriminate against chocolate

145. Tea or Coffee?Coffee, but I really love sweet iced tea

146. Was today a good day?Not really

147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?“We’re all homos” - michael Scott

149. Do you believe in ghosts?Kinda yeah

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “But thanks to AA I had signed a new lease of life and I was determined to use it” -diary of an oxygen thief

[augment-techs]

Do Not Want: Organizing my Trashy AU

Jason Todd: Who was never a Robin, but helps out Red Robin and Robin in patrolling the truly bad parts of town; not as Red Hood yet, but he’s getting there. Who works as a mechanic and a courier, but also does construction--and by construction, he means knocking down walls with a sledgehammer and no shirt on, even in the winter. Who kinda has the hots for Icicle Junior after he stumbled into one of the apartments Jason was working on and he prevented the Young Justice from taking him off to jail by talking to them. Who sometimes gets a laugh by popping into the Watch Tower and Metro Tower to drop off food for the proteges on Harley’s request--Mister Terrific and Captain Atom are always so confused about his visits. Who owns and maintains and adores his motorcycle, but often rides around town on a mutated, jumbo sized Bud or Lou (the hyenas supersized courtesy of Bane being an idiot). Who often walks around Harley’s apartment in only his underwear and a ratty kimono, eating her food and lounging on her sofa playing guitar--not badly. Who might end up in a poly-amorous relationship with Cameron/Tuppence Terror/Tommy Terror if I can figure out a way to make it work.  Stephanie Brown: Who did in fact get pregnant and have her baby, but it was entirely without Batman having had anything to do with her; Steph never having been a Robin, a Batgirl, or Spoiler--though Spoiler is still possible. Whose baby was delivered by Harley and was given to a lesbian couple courtesy of Harley being a relative constant at a gay bar Renee Montoya also frequents and having connections nobody would ever know about. Who ended up helping out Klarion the Witchboy with his cat when she went into heat, and then ended up dating the Chaos Lord as a result. Who may end up having to save him from being burned at the stake in Limbo Town by his mom, but so far he just get harassed constantly by his sister and Steph ends up fending her off. Who is set to start at Gotham Academy, courtesy of Bruce Wayne noticing Harley actually watching out for the girl, though there is still the problem of figuring out how to word a piece of paper about Steph wearing the uniform with pants rather than those horrible skirts. Who will be a badass at school, so help me god--if only because the class goes on so many field trips where people almost get kidnapped or trashed and she’s the only one with a spine. Who may end up facing an Atlantean threat and getting branded, but I’m still unsure about this. Who will constantly insist on Red Robin asking out Lagoon Boy, because seriously, neither of them have any luck with women and she’s seen them giving each other looks. Who takes care of the Bud’s hyena cubs because Jason is not good with them, Harley is never home (and still mad that Lou was fixed, but Joker lied about Bud) and they’re albino, mixed and adorable and love her back. Tim Drake: Who has scar marks in the form of teeth along his neck from Harley having nothing else to tear out the genetics-altering microchip Joker was implanting in him while also torturing him, but it’s not that big a deal since all he had to do was raise the neckline of his suits and put on makeup for the rest of his life; it could have been much worse. Who is intensely grateful that Harley got him out of the torture when she did and dropped him off with the Bat signal lit up, rather than trying to fix his injuries on her own and doing something equally foolish; especially when he found out what happen when Joker caught her with Tim escaping. Who wanted to pay her a visit, he was so excited when she returned after months of her just being gone from Gotham and everyone thought she’d died, when she returned to Arkham (but Batman saw her and that was enough). Who likes to drop in at her apartment just to check on her and make (incredibly awkward) small talk and somehow ended up making friends in both Jason and Stephanie despite himself. Who might end up becoming closer to Stephanie once she starts attending Gotham Academy, but I’m still not sure in if it should be from her saving his ass or Harley showing up at Student-Teacher Conference and there being an incident. Harley Quinzel: Who is actually the main POV, but not as much as in ‘Hating This.’ Who has been divorced from Joker for 5+ years. Who is working back at Arkham, but on perpetual probation. Who has interns that she scares and bosses around and toughens up in the weirdest of ways. Who has healed up Eddie just enough to reintroduce him to society and is trying to get Ivy to talk to her again. Who prevented Jason from stealing Batman’s tires, thus preventing him from becoming Robin, but trains him in combat since he has taken to following the vigilantes around like a ridiculous shadow. Who scoffs at the idea of wearing white doctor coats and had her own died black (it also helps cover up all of her constantly bleeding stitches). Who lives next door to Stephanie Brown and took her in when Clue-Master went to prison and Mrs. Brown went to rehab. Who is often sick and injured, but won’t go back to crime. Who was gutted by Joker while she was getting Red Robin out of being tortured after three weeks. Whose was confirmed pregnant when Joker tore out a fetus instead of her liver or heart and stomped on it. Who can take some solace in the fact it probably would have died anyway. Who has found friendship in Joan Leland for some reason she still can’t explain, but doesn’t fight it. Who is still on the fence about accepting dates from Creeper, but less so with Ryder. Jack Ryder/The Creeper: Who both have feelings for Harley, but while Jack is wholly and entirely unsure about how to proceed when his track record with women is abysmal (both he and his last girlfriend broke up because they were cheating on each other, after all), Creeper is a little like a more mellow, less insufferable Pepe Le Pew. Jack is consistently freaked out now that Harley knows where he lives after Creeper was injured and brought back to their apartment, but Creeper was sedated when she left him a letter promising she’d never be back to the place--it looked far too tacky for her tastes. Creeper has so far only taken Harley on one date, but Harley agreed to take him on one after the first was a success, so Jack isn’t freaking out as much as he could be. Jack is sort of friends with Vic Sage, Iris Allen-West and right on the border with G. Gordon Godfrey, but not Clark Kent or basically anyone from the Daily Planet--and also not Summer Gleeson, or Vicki Vale or basically anyone that is consistently more irritating than Creeper can be.