#also i got a new watermark do y’all like it B)

[zsofieia]

it was funnier in my head…………

[tricktster]

Hey, I'm just letting you know I noticed some of your posts have been reposted on facebook by "Just Sock Thoughts"

Yeah, I feel like I get my Premium Original Content scooped by aggregators pretty frequently, and for the most part I don’t mind (or like... just don’t see it because I can’t bring myself to actually get into Instagram). But there are two aggregator incidents that stand out in my mind as particularly remarkable:

Incident 1:

I’d probably have a much bigger head about the relative frequency that one of my posts takes off if I didn’t know that becoming an Extremely Minor Internet Personality is way less about making good content than it is about... random luck, I guess. 

Like, this is actually a sideblog (so for any of my longtime buddies on here who might be wondering why I’m not following you? I prooooobably am). At the time I made this sideblog (2015-2016?), I never thought it would pick up more followers than the 200 or so I had managed to coax into following my main blog over the course of four-ish years. 

I was wrong, this account rapidly accumulated followers, and now I get scooped by aggregators on the reg. And like... it’s not like I’m doing anything different on this one than I was doing on my main, other than obscuring my identity a little better? I’m not funnier here, I’m not changing my formula, it’s just that I got enough followers when I first made this sideblog (through my patented process of Writing Explicit Undertale Fanfic in the Hopes of Getting Enough Monetary Donations That I Could Afford To Eat) that now even though I’m just posting my own weird niche bullshit on here, the odds are stacked in my favor towards any one of my posts picking up a lot of notes. If I posted the same exact thing on my extremely obscure main? The odds swing HARD the other way. In the 3-4 years before I made the trickster account, I was lucky to break 10 notes on a post, and 500 was as high as any of them went. 

Except for one. 

You’ve probably seen the post I’m talking about. It’s surpassed my most popular trickster posts by like... several hundreds of thousands of notes. I’m not linking it here for two reasons: 

A) I never scrubbed all my selfies off my main and I don’t need all y’all discovering that I’m hot as hell, and more importantly 

B) the post in question fucking sucks. 

It’s like the lowest effort meme, it’s smug and annoying, and it basically reeks of the worst era of r/athiesm. It’s the sort of shit that gets popular on facebook groups that wish they were “I fucking love science” but can’t achieve the same degree of quality... even though it’s an extremely low hurdle for them to jump. It evokes the concept of a fedora. Whenever I see it on tumblr, I want to hop in a time machine, travel back to the 17th century, convince Matsubayashi Henyasai to take me on as a pupil, train under his tutelage until he declares that I have mastered my chosen weapon, hop back into the time machine, travel to 2013, infiltrate my old apartment, and finally, at the precise moment my former self is about to click “post” on that dumbass meme, destroy her mouse, laptop, and cellphone with an incredibly accurate barrage of shurikens. 

Still, like... while it makes me cringe to my very soul whenever I encounter it, there’s a tiny part of me that has spent the last eight years just BASKING in the validation of knowing that there are several hundred thousand anonymous people out there who think I’m funny. It is not an attractive part of me, but shit, I’m an Extremely Minor Internet Personality, and you don’t become that unless you’re in some way motivated by the approval of anonymous strangers.

I’m giving you all this backstory so you can understand the significance of something that happened last month.

There I was, innocently scrolling through my news feed to see how my Trumpy uncle was justifying the whole coup thing, when I came upon a familiar image. I recoiled in horror, and then examined it more closely.

The Coolest Guy I Knew In College But Never Succeeded In Really Befriending (Because I Was Too Intimidated By How Cool He Was) had just shared my smug, cringy-as-hell meme from 2013 on his wall... and the version he had shared had been not only watermarked by one of the aforementioned wannabe “I fucking love science” groups, but also had a copyright symbol on it next to the name of some dude I’ve never even heard of.

THE MAELSTROM OF CONFLICTING EMOTIONS IS STILL OVERWHELMING ME TO THIS DAY. I AM WINCING. I AM INDIGNANT. I AM REASSESSING WHETHER THAT GUY WAS ACTUALLY AS COOL AS I THOUGHT HE WAS. I AM WEIRDLY AMUSED. I AM EXTREMELY CONFUSED. 

I AM SUSPICIOUS THAT SOMEONE MIGHT BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF MY NONSENSE, AND IF SO, I WOULD LIKE MY GODDAMN CUT. 

...

i’m fine

i’m gonna be fine

Incident 2:

This really requires a lot less elaboration than the last one, but @anagha-draws brought this aggregator post to my attention and I just can’t stop thinking about the fact that there’s a guy out there who got paid some amount of actual U.S. dollars to write a book report about the time I accidentally played WAP for my mom’s book club.