#also i fucking hate ranbir kapoor actually

[dream-to-be-frog]

want to hear your controversial thoughts on yeh jawani hai divani

hiiii idk how long ago this was sent but i hope it hasn’t been too long!!! and i am so glad i love to stir the pot :) even if my target audience is one person

my biggest issue with yeh jawani hai deewani is basically like. it doesn’t make any sense???

now forgive me if some of the details are a little off—it’s been some time since i have watched it. but bunny (which, first of all is such a stupid name. also i should preface this by saying i am NOT a ranbir kapoor fan because he is only good at one role, which is a slacker + player. because that’s what he is in real life. he never has come across as genuine to me ever) has a zest for life, he wants to travel and see the world! he wants to live life to the fullest.

the reason he leave naina the first time, is of course, because her aspirations are not moveable. she wants to be a doctor, she needs to be in a stable place. she doesn’t need to wander like he does.

when he comes back, nothing has changed. he still wants to wander, and she still wants to stay in one place. the only difference is that now she has contacts and dresses sexier, i guess?? when he stays this time, it’s made to look like— of course he would. he loves her. but is still the same person. and so is she. their lives are still so incompatible.

i also don’t think their romance was that special? also naina pissed me off a little because she was wearing exclusively miniskirts while going hiking in snowy mountains. also she only got sexy once the glasses were removed from the equation.

i just think it’s sooo overrated. like nothing about the movie is that special, except maybe the songs (the songs were banger af). but there was a point when many people i knew would call that movie their favorite bollywood movie, and it gets such a good rep for doing literally nothing. it wasn’t groundbreaking, their love wasn’t special, the story made no sense.

like. it was a good movie. i enjoyed watching it. but it is faaaaaaar from the best bollywood movie, y’know??

[mohabbaat]

[BECAUSE it's sth i've been thinking about a LOT lately.] bollywood started out very misogynistic. every time i watch an old movie, while i acknowledge the exceptions, most of them either show a woman who'd sleep with anyone for money or show a woman who's literally just a slave, that's IT. it took YEARS for it to make movies that don't show women in a bad light, that actually appreciate us. and apparently that lasted like, 10 years? (on and off, yk, in total) because now, everyone seems more interested in movies that have women as an accessory, looking pretty, not playing any active role, while her man does his job. *hearts and fire* while good, unproblematic movies get criticised for having "unrealistic expectations" or "too much feminism". they're so obsessed with all that "alpha" "sigma" "masculine" bullshit. it's so. pathetic. so fucking infuriating. yeah-

hard agree. like the english vinglish, queen, kahaani era was truly the peak of women centric bollywood movies. after that even though such movies were still being made, they shifted from being empowering to being condescending. like if you are a strong independent woman, then you must drink and hook up with random men and wear revealing clothes and whatnot. the feminism became too focused on the urban young woman and lost its essence in my opinion. like i can name so many popular recent film/series (4 more shots, thank you for coming, veere di wedding) which are just trying so hard to be relatable that they end up feeling tone deaf and people start hating them and going back to the same old bullshit heroine is an accessory movies (this also means that the actual good movies (qala, bulbull, etc) just go under the radar which is equally irritating 🙄).

as far as the sigma male thing goes, i am so so tired of these directors and actors showing toxic behaviour on screen without showing its fucking consequences. like the man can do anything and the director will make sure that he has a happy ending cause true love is obviously all about forgiveness and accepting everything even if it hurts you. salman khan, akshay kumar, srk, ranbir kapoor, literally every hero rn is guilty of accepting and promoting such scripts. like even in jawaan, there were 5-6 actresses yet srk had all the fkn screentime. i get he's a big actor but god?? give the actresses something other than a song???? maybe a few emotions??? don't even get me started on kabir singh and animal and even pushpa. 🙄

[harryspouse]

yes please do. in harry our motherly whore's words : "SCREAM IT!" all the gays hate ranbir kapoor bachna ae haseeno was actually his biopic he's so entitled and a pretend feminist going around 'rescuing' his female costars from intrusive questions they could've handled perfectly well on their own madarchod dating a girl a decade and a year younger than him thinking he's got the incomparable of the season i would seek him and roast his kebab

ok hello. tu na meri love-hate wali soulamte hai. OKAY FIRST OF ALL YES TO ALL YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT BACHNA AE HASEENO. and ALSO yes to ALIA BEHEN KYA KAR RAHI HAI TU APNI LIFE KE SAATH?!?!?!

and then no. why i say he's a completely shit actor and a shit person. is because. BENCHOD WOH SIRF EK ROLE KARTA HAI. PURI LIFE SIRF EK ROLE KIYA HAI. thike.

1. pehle usse ladki pasand aati hai

2. phir ladki ki feelings ke saath khilwad karta hai

3. phir ladki usko like karti hai

4. phir WOH KOI NA KOI CHUTIYPA KARTA HAI

5. phir this part is my favourite. ladkiyan usko gaaliyaan nikal ti hai

6. lastly benchod roke dikha deta hai - also itne time ke baad bhi dhangse rona nahi aata

7. magically ladki wapis aa jati hai uske paas.

and this you can apply to ANY FUCKING MOVIE OF HIS. works on YJHD. works on bachna ae haseeno. works on anjaana anjaani. works on tamasha. works on rockstar. works on ae dil hai mushkil technically. works on ajab prem ki gazab kahani. EVERYTHING.

BUT SAME GHISA PITA ROLE KARTA HAI. itni si bhi acting abilities nahi hai. and girls call him cute. like beheno mujhe pata hai ki cishet men ke standards pehle se hi low hai par kyu kachre di dibbe mein se chun rahi ho. like please incinerate his entire career. if it can even be called that. everytime i see his face. mujhe na andhar se kuch kuch hota hai. aur mann karta hai ki table utha kar maru usko.

firstly all his characters and he himself is misogynistic. like everytime he likes a girl insult zyada aur compliment kam deta hai. and then they sell them to young girls as 'rom-coms' like please. i'll give you a better list of romcoms that don't show men manipulating women with their so-called tears to get them back. he lies and cheats and then barely apologizes and then just cries and gets the girl back. what the fuck. what even yaar. kahey ka feminist.

ok i'm done for now. mere andar ki bhadaas nikal gayi abhi ke liye. (also if you think kuch zyada bol diya toh post mat karna)

ok bye i love you!!

VDHKSADKJASBD okay so to read THIS after THAT is such a shift in dynamic i'm reeling.

and obviously it goes without saying bande ko acting nahi aati. like kuch bhi. all his characters have been either your stupid charming soft chocolate boy or oh no wait that's it. even in fucking barfi he got all the awards and credits over priyanka's chummeshwari performance and for what? ardh nangna naachne keliye???? woh harry bhi karta hai uske awards kahan hai??????

you're right you're SO right all his characters have been bland, lame and monotonous. always proving deepika was wisest in chosing ranvir with a v for verstality and not ranbir with a b for boring/bland/bakwaas/begairat/bachkand/bhangaar/behenchod you choose.

also "and girls call him cute. like beheno mujhe pata hai ki cishet men ke standards pehle se hi low hai par kyu kachre di dibbe mein se chun rahi ho." had me laughing me guts off because again SO RIGHT. he's like sordidly overrated and it's all superficial about him usko dekh ke neend aati hai bhai isko kis hisaab se human rights aur scripts milte hain. pk mein alien banake toh saare his suspicions sach kardiye. but phir nanga naachega saala phir pagal honge sab

[tellywoodtrash]

ebss 08 + 09.05.19 lbs

08.05.19

lmao some very on the nose bg music for this dumbass (kaise mujhe tum mil gayi from ghajini) as he drives home in his khushfehmi.

janhvi listening to that same song: “pyaar andha hota hai, aur dimaag se paidal bhi. aur uska jeeta jaagta example hain mere patidev. par ek chutki badle ki keemat tum kya jaano dhruv babu?” i love her i love her i love herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

bechaara kabir relegated to a tinyass sofa in his own damn room.

methinks she's gonna give kabir an anika type soaking.

yup.

lol this all just a set up to get us some shirtlessness, isn't it. *poo voice* i don't minddddd.

arre taad lo behan, taad lo. tumhara hi pati hai. seems like he was putting on the show for your benefit anyway.

a grownass man struggling to untangle himself from his own tshirt. ~~~~~HOT.🙄🙄🙄

(this man is in the army???? with these reflexes?) 

OK WHY IS IT SUCHHHHHHHH A STRUGGLE??? JUST PULL IT OFF HIS HEAD. JESUS. dimaag ke paidal toh yeh dono hain.

good lord she’s climbing the bed to help. behen, bachcha so raha hai udhar, pls dekh ke.

their theme music is so damn sad and wailyyyyy. doesn’t suit scenes like these. maybe have a piano theme for romantic scenes???

lmao she fully snuck a peek. ainvayi mein sharafat ka naatak earlier.

“like what you see?” 😏😏😏

colour coordinated nightclothes with chotu.

ohohohohoho.

i like how these two's moments express care and respect for each other in a mostly quiet and casual manner. no big drama. very lowkey. nice.

lol bachche ke upar bhi sexual tension. and some saaasky flash of collar bone.

poojahnvi (that's what imma call her in scenes like these) is having bhaari crisis of conscience (thanks to amma) while doing yoga.

whereas all i can think of while doing yoga is that "this is it. this is how i go. they're going to find my dead body a twisted mess, and my face half eaten off by my cat."

JFC WHAT A FUCKING CREEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh shuru ho gaya iske thakele cheesy lines.

ofc.

yeah i'm not feeling it. i hope she isn't either.

lolllll she isn't. she's not at all amused.

but also a little jealous at the thought of him flirting with others? ugh girl don't.

lmao bye fool. my girl has no patience or shits to give about you.

“kaala teeka apne parivaar ko lagao.... kyunki nazar unpe lagne waali hai... meri.”

suspicious medicine delivery.

“mummy ko achchi health suit nahi karti.”

WHAT A GODDESS. OUFF.

this poor mom. like idk is she's a puraani paapi too, but for now i feel very bad for her.

WHO GAVE THIS FUCKING MANIAC A CROSSBOW????????????

“i'm not a creeper like kavya.”

buddy the biggest creeper i see here is you. fuckhen asshole.

“bargad ka ped hoon main!!!!!!!!!!!!!” sure.

UM YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS QUEEN. GIVE HER THE CROSSBOW!

SINGLEHANDEDLY UPROOTED HIS ARROW!

god i love her dramatic ass.

what deal? why is this army person threatening kabir? does he really not remember due to ptsd or something or.....

oh. he does remember.

OH SHIT VYOM A DESHDROHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

a deshdrohi who's still a good friend, i guess.

vyom's like i can't tell you why i did this, but good the bullet hit me, coz i am tired of being a dhokebaaz. BC SHAADI AUR BACHCHE KARNE SE PEHLE NAHI THAK SAKTA THA TU???? UNKI ZINDAGI BHI TABAAH KARDI.

whatcha wanna bet kabir's haraami dad is also a deshdrohi and ties into this shit, all rang de basanti style?

poor bir. dumbass friend ki kasam mein uski poori zindagi uthal-puthal ho gayi.

crafty machination to get kavya to takeover mummy ki dawaai duties. aur lo, aadarsh bahu fell for it.

teddy bear and murder barbie.😚😚😚

09.05.19

oh shit creepy driver is on the prowl.

poor kabir is still in a stupor.

HE JUST CALLED HIM ZOMBIE MITTAL. HE'S SUCH A MEAN FATHER, GOD, I HATE HIM SO MUCH.

kabir's like ~~~~deserves you right. you're reaping what you sowed. i love him. i wish janhvi would team up with him and they'd both take down This Fucker™.

he's actually coercing him to give a statement in his favour. by god kya haraami aadmi hai yeh.

“mujhe kyun lag raha hai ki aap mujhse jhoot bulwane ki koshish kar rahein hain?” hein???? lag raha hai???? saaf saaf toh bola hai ki jhoot hi bolna hai. 

kabir like lol nope.

as predicted this asshole's flying off the handle. god how does anyone tolerate him???????/

manohar is in gwalior tracking kavya's history. she's an orphan who was a good student.

This Fucker™ has issues that it's all clean.

“jab kuch hai nahi toh kaise paida karoon???” manohar is frustrated. i say you channel that into murdering him, manohar.

oh shit oh shit.

tera haraami baap toh narak jayeega hi, lekin dhruv tu bhi jaayega, for doing this dirty work for him.

kabir [internally]: hey bhagwaan mujhe itna chutiya bhai kyun mila?????

bhai ki kasam and blah blah.

he noticed that kabir's a lil off. shukar. otherwise he's so clueless he couldn't find the nose on his own face.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit.

but also, big props to you my smart little cookie! 98%!!!!! (hope her MSc is in something chemical/pharma related, like our Queen Svetlana.)

she came to interview with PK for a job as janhvi agarwal from nainital. and manohar was there??? then why were they introduced when they saw each other the other day?

kabir's practising his jhooti speech. but lapses into a jhanvi like aside about how his dad is actually a terrible person.

wow kavya was witnessing this. bet she feels great about this husband she's saddled with.

and now he's telling her some parable about kachchua and khargosh and his father?

“dad aur kachchua race lagaate hain ki jo jeetega woh zyaada progressive hai. usmein bhi kachchua aage nikaal jaata hai. ek nadi mein rehne waala sau saal puraana kachchua, uski soch bhi dad se kaiiii zyaada progressive hoti hai.”

snort. i enjoyed this very elaborate burn.

kavya [internally]: bitch what???? all you mittals are so weird.

he's telling her to say no, and she's like nahiiiii main zaroooor jaoongi! GOD SHE'S SUCH A DHEENT. HE'S FULLY SUPPORTING YOU AND YOU'RE BEING A CHAATU IDIOT.

“tum na, woh banti jaa rahi ho.” “kya?”

“mahaan. jaisi janhvi bhaabi hain.” ooooooooooh kabir, i sense some resentment!

here poojanhvi's records are missing. BUT SHE LEFT UP THAT BIG PHOTOGRAPH OF HERSELF ON THE BOARD????????

"management change" is the reason. and that her photo was taken from the college magazine. i doubt that she'd be so sloppy and leave this kinda trace tho.

blah blah red herring.

blah blah evil monologue. hope janhvi murders this guy soon. i want to see her all villanelle style feral.

oh janhvi's come to visit amma. for her rare treat of dessert and maa ke haath ka khaana.

“us ghar ki roz ki daawatein mere gale se nahi utarti.”

backstory: pooja/rani were on the streets before they were found by amma. no memories of mom because she "went missing" after rani's birth.

dude 99% of this is like anika/gauri's story.

meanwhile ishaani has succesfully set kavya up.i sometimes find her cartoonish villainy kinda funny.

jahnvi’s inhaling the food to get back and.......

lol convincing mandir act.

“suno. i love you.”

lmaooooooooooooo.

"iski alag apni one-sided love story chalu hai! isse koi batao ranbir kapoor ki baat alag hai; asli life mein yeh ek tarfa pyaar mein koi taaqat-waaqat nahi hoti." hahahahahaha

oh god please amma. don't ship them now. SHE DESERVES BETTER.

chachi ki comedy. pass.

lol kavya agrees with sonali that chachi is a little too Extra and chachi's like hello apne aap ko dekho, margili chipkali dikhti ho.

some more bakwaas comedy till ishaani intervenes and sends kavya on her way. phew.

manohar is up to haraamipana already. ugh.

OH NO JANHVI! DON'T CRASH!!!!!!!!1

tomorrow: dawaai ki asar. sigh.

[blackgirlbollywood]

Barfi movie review and how I officially fell in love wtih Ranbir Kapoor

I gotta confess I heard about this movie A LOT but I only recently sat down to watch it because I was thirsting after Ranbir ( although  tbh like a good 80% of the movies I’ve watched were because I was thirsting for some actor. I’m basic, I know moving on.)

This is obviously going to have spoilers so don’t read if you haven’t seen the movie

So basically the movie is about the love triangle between Barfi a deaf/mute man played by Ranbir Kapoor, Shruti a girl who is engaged played by Ileana D’Cruz and Jhilmil (which is suuuuuch a pretty name to me idk why I just think it’s really cute) an autistic girl and heriess to her grandfater’s fortune played by Priyanka Chopra. The movie is told largely through  flashbacks and present day interviews with people who knew Barfi.

So in like the early 70s Shruti and her family moving to Darjeeling while she waits to get married in 3 months to this dude named Ranjit and she meets Barfi, the local troublemaker who instantly falls for her but at first Shruti is like fam you need to chill. Eventually he wins her over with his big personality and they end up making out by her lake which was v v sexy. Anyway homegirl’s hatin ass mom finds out about it and she basically tells her to dead the whole thing b/c she doesnt think Barfi will be able to provide a good life for her or her future children because of his disabilities (which was honestly soo rude). 

And then she takes Shruti to see some logger guy that she used to mess around with back in the day  who she didnt marry for the same reason (like we really need to talk about older female characters in movies who dont marry the love of their lives and then up being bitter and hateful towards young people in love). 

Anyway, Barfi comes over to Shruti’s house wanting to propose to her and ask for her parents’ blessing and honestly this scene had a young bitch in tears because he came in so confident and sure that everything was gonna go his way but Hatin Ass Mama gives him a cold dose of reality and completely shits on him. And then to make it worse he sees Shruti with her Flop Ass Fiancé and that breaks him even more. She tries making some weak ass excuse but anyway she marries Count Flopula and she and Barfi go separate ways.

Meanwhile shit just keeps getting worse for my homeboy Barfi. His dad’s kidneys are failing so he has to quickly hustle some dough to get him a surgery. Naturally he decides to rob a bank but when that doesn't go well he decides to kidnap Jhilmil for ransom which was funny b/c some-one else was already kidnapping her and he just comes along like well shit lucky break

So he actually gets the money for his dad’s operation but because this movie has no fucking chill his dad dies before Barfi can get to the hospital. Feelin all sad and shit Barfi decides to leave Jhilmil with one of her old caretakers and dip but Jhilmil just ends up following him so that doesnt work out. So then he ends up taking care of her and then they live together for 6 years which was so so sooo cute. Like honestly the scenes where he and Jhilmil were living together were honestly my favourite parts of the movie.

Anyway so one day he runs into Shruti who at this point is predictably depressed because her marriage to Count Flopula is dull as shit and the whole time she never stopped loving Barfi. Then she starts hanging out with Barfi and Jhilmil and basically visiting them everyday which was low-key awkward for me to watch because like Shruti sis, you had your chance with him girl now please stay in your lane.

 So anyway one day they’re out at this festival and Barfi is paying way more attention to Shruti so Jhilmil just gets completely over it and dips (which, me too girl, you not going to pay more attention to your old thing in my face and just have me stand there like a lame). Finally realizing Jhilmil is missing, Barfi runs around trying to find her but can’t so Shruti reports her missing which ends up starting a whole bunch of bullshit b/c this cop that’s been looking for Jhilmil for 6 years shows up and arrests Barfi for kidnapping and they proceed to beat the shit outta my mans in jail trying to force him to confess (thanks a bunch Shruti). 

So then they get another ransom letter while they’re interviewing Barfi, and while the cops and her dad were trying to hand off the money Jhilmil is somehow killed. Which I was in complete disbelief off like no tf they didnt. I was fr fr ready to swing on the director(Anurag Basu square tf up bitch!).

 So then the head inspector wants to pin Jhilmil’s death on Barfi even though he clearly didnt do it but the cop that arrested Barfi tells Shruti to take him away so he can escape because he grew really found of Barfi over the years of chasing after him for other shit.

So Shruti does just that and at first she’s hella geeked b/c with Jhilmil “dead”, she now has Barfi all to herself (which Shruti girl get help b/c that is really messed up). But her time with Barfi ends up being not what she thought it would be at all because he’s (naturally) super depressed about what happened to Jhilmil. Like he doesn’t believe that she’s really dead so he keeps looking for her. Eventually they end up at the group home that Jhilmil spent most of  her life at and they discover that she’s actually alive! (Yay Jhilmil!) And I really screamed at that part because he was so so happy when he saw her and the scene where they’re just standing with their foreheads touching like, I was so emotional. 

Anyway we find out that the whole thing (the first attempted kidnapping and the ransom letter)  was a scam between Jhilmil’s dad and the owner of the group home. Her dad wanted to get her inheritance b/c Jhilmil’s grandpa left him and her mom dust and they faked her death so they could get Jhilmil away from her alcoholic mother and make sure she was properly cared for which was sweet but still a little fucked if you ask me.

Anyway Barfi and Jhilmil end up getting married in one of the cutest (i know i’m using cute a lot I promise I have a more advanced vocabularly) weddings ever and Shruti basically spends the rest of her life alone, regretting that she didn’t end up with Barfi (which is hella sad but, you made your choice sis) . So cut to the present where Barfi is old and really sick in the hospital and everyone is worried that he’s going to die. Jhilmil shows up and honestly she didnt even look that old, they literally just gave Priyanka a dusty salt and pepper wig and glasses and was like you’re old now. So she’s climbs into bed with him and then, Notebook-style with Shruti narrating, they..die? (Like really Anurag Basu?) I mean the credit roll with all the happy memories between Jhilmil and Barfi was everything so I guess it makes up for the ending (but next time do better hoe)

So finally thoughts; I fucking LOVED this movie. It was such a full adventure and it looked beautiful! It just made me feel so happy watching it despite some of the really sad parts. If you liked the movie Amelie (which is probably one of my favourite movies) you’ll definitely enjoy watching Barfi because they’re really  similar in cinematography, soundtrack and tone. Like they both left me feeling very warm and hopeful. Also s/o to Ranbir for his acting in this like, my man really put his foot in that and also to Priyanka because bitch! What a change. Like when I started watching I had to google if that was really PC b/c I’ve literally never seen her look like that. Also it was really confusing too beause at first I wasn’t sure how old Jhilmil was supposed to be  because she looks a smooth 13 years old and the thought of a love story line between her and between her and Barfi was like girl no, but then I understood she’s supposed to be like 18 or older. But anyway I’m glad I watched it and this just proves that sometimes thirst watching really can help you uncover something great!