#also i forgot the tattoos but lets pretend i didnt

[artandbrimstone]

choosing which scars to keep.

close ups under the cut

[fatherofpuppets]

I love my dead gay goth son

Guys, how are we feeling about trans Gerry?

I'm pretty sure I can, tho

[faithinthefuture28]

Larry songs timeline & what it tells us about the evolution of their relationship

**These are all just my interpretations but the more I listen to the music they wrote, the more it all fits together. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THROUGHOUT THE YEARS THEY’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT WRITING “AUTOBIOGRAPHICALLY” AND “FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE”

I deffo missed some songs but these stood out to me:

2013

L-Strong: Love isn’t easy (waves trying to break it) but what we have means something and it’s worth fighting for. read: love is only for the brave (Think of how much love that’s been wasted...there’s nothing i’m running from...i don’t care, I’m not scared of love) And we bring out the best in each other so lets not throw this away (i’d do anything to save it...when i’m not with you i’m weaker). 

H-Happily: I want to fight for us too bc we’re on fire and our love is powerful af. ik we have to do stunts and stuff (and if (s)he feels my traces in your hair, sorry love but I don’t really care) but what we have is insane and fuck everyone else bc you’re MINE and i’m YOURS at the end of the day (i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep). Together, we’re magic so just be with me so happily

H-Something Great: ****this song is very straightforward so i won’t explain it much***** (i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i dont have to keep imagining... We’re better off together here tonight). Written as a longing for what could be if they dont have to suppress the relationship. (script was written...want to rip it all to shreds) Louis’ response (you’re all I want so much it’s hurting) basically says “it’s not too much to ask babe, i want it too.” This has the kind of longing that ‘wouldn’t it be nice- beach boys’ which Harry has admitted is kind of a theme song. 

L-Through the Dark: I know all this bs we’re going through is taking a toll on you and hurts you and i hate seeing you upset (you tell me that your sad...you tell me that you’re hurt and youre in pain and i can see your head is held in shame...i just wanna see you smile again) but I will do everything physically possible to protect you from any pain bb (i’d never let you fall and break your heart, if u wanna cry or fall apart, i’ll be there to hold ya). We’re going through this together and I will take on any responsibility needed to keep you happy.  I’M WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL TO FIGHT FOR US HARRY LOVE (entire chorus basically).

L-Better than Words: holy fuck our love is amazing can’t even describe it can i just sing to you foreva love u babycakes

L-Why don’t we go there: what if...we just forgot about the world and escaped and enjoyed each others love and rode the high??? Also sex

2014

L-Ready to Run: *******Followup to Why Don’t We Go There*********** But this time let’s escape for real bc (there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time). Like i’m ready to get out of here and it could just be us living happily ever after (this time i’m ready to run). Honestly nothing else makes sense (without you i’ll never make it out alive...wherever you are is the place i belong). I know what i want out of life and IT’S YOU HARREH (i want to be free and i wanna be yours, i will never look back). 

L-Steal My Girl: all u thirsty hoes find someone else bc Harry is MY pretty princess. Srsly ask his family. But you can still admire how he looks in those jeans. We all do. You know the ones

L-No Control: boy u fine, let’s do what lovers do IN THE MORNING. bc we can. also you own me and i am urs

L-Clouds: WE KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE HARD SO WHY ARE YOU BEING A LITTLE BITCH (you dont like it complicated...but love is never ever simple...you are tired of all the changes, but love is always always changing). We could be great yo, just keep fighting (if we’re never coming back down, we’ll looking down on the clouds...we go and we go and we dont stop)

H-Where do Broken Hearts Go: IM SORRY LOU BABY YOURE EVERYTHING (rest of my crimes dont come close the look on your face when i let you go... the taste of your lips...is at the top of the list of things i want). H&L’s call and  response at the end is basically forgiveness and acknowledgment (come on baby come and get me out, come on baby cuz i need you now)

H-Two Ghosts: *****was written around this time according to Harry******. This is fucking hard yo. We’re drained and exhausted and idk how much more we can fight for this... (it’s not you and it’s not me...sounds like something that i used to feel). That infatuation and electricity and hope that fueled our younger selves isn’t really there anymore and i’m just tired man (we’re just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat, we’re not who we used to be...this was all we used to need). We’re empty vessels going through the motions (same eyes blue, couple more tattoos). AND WE AREN’T FUCKING COMMUNICATING (we dont say what we really mean). 

2015

H&L-Perfect: so what if... we get rid of the pressure of forever? What if we just have fun doing the stupid shit we love and makes us feel alive (trouble up in hotel rooms, secret little rendezvous, things you know that we shouldn’t do). Like we won’t be out of each others’ lives, I’m still around and we can find comfort in each other and even mess around here and there (I can be the one you love from time to time). Remember how we used to be young and EXCITED (when i first saw you from across the room, i could tell that you were curious) let’s get that energy back without the responsiblity of an adult relationship. And we can keep making art lmao (if youre looking for someone to write your breakup songs about). 

L-Long Way Down *****this song fkn hurts man. It’s overlooked a lot but shows so much insight**** We were...everything. And maybe that’s the problem? We’ve been through so fucking much, more than anyone our age should have to endure. (We've been in fire, Went down in the flames. We sailed the ocean And drowned in the waves. Built a cathedral But we never prayed) We didn’t know what we had. We were damn kids man. We weren’t prepared for all this. We didn’t know how powerful this would be. We didn’t know what it required of us. (We had a mountain But took it for granted. We had it all yeah. Who could’ve planned it). We didn’t know what to do with it, how to deal with it, so here we are. (We had a spaceship But we couldn't land it) We’re each other’s everything, but we can’t keep going on like this babe. (We found an island But we got stranded). I don’t want to leave you but being together is breaking us down. (Point of no return and now It's just too late to turn around) We thought we were untouchable. That love conquers all. Maybe, we were wrong. This is gonna hurt like a bitch (We built it up so high and now I'm fallin', it’s a long way down)

H-Olivia: I LIVE FOR YOU, I LONG FOR YOU, I LOVE YA. And i think i’ll always love ya. And I’m scared...of life without you (i get the feeling you’re walking out, time is irrelevant when i’ve not been seeing you, the consequences are falling now, there’s something i’m having nightmares about...dont let me go). But maybe just maybe thats okay, because you’re AIMH (you live in my imagination...i love you, it’s all i do). 

L-Love you Goodbye: I fucking love you and I’ll always fucking love you but i think this is the right thing to do even though it feels so wrong (i know there’s nothing i can do to change it, but is there something that can be negotiated?) We made some goddamn fireworks together though (unforgettable together held the whole world in our hands) and do ya maybe think...we can make them just once more? (if tomorrow you wont be mine, let me give it to you one last time, baby let me love you goodbye...one more taste of your lips just to bring me back to the places we’ve been and the nights we’ve had because if this is it, then at least we could end it riiiiight). ********in the interview with our FAVE Gwen Garcia, she asked if it’s better to say goodbye and end a relationship that’s not feeling right or keep trying even if your heart’s not in it. Harry responds with “I think it’s better to say goodbye...but sometimes if youre trying to protect..” Then Louis cuts him off and says “you’re going deep aren’t you”, brushing the question off as a joke but imho i think there was pain in that answer. Then Harry continues “if you’re not 100% in it, I think it’s better for both parties if you say goodbye”. And Louis adds a “yeah” at the end.********

H-Walking in the Wind: I know this is scary but i think we can do it, (you said to me do you believe i’ll be too far? if youre lost just look for me you’ll find me) I think because youre AIMH and i’m always in yours, it’ll be good for us. And look at us being mature, we’re killing it babe. We can live our separate lives and grow on our own. We dont need to make it messy and hurtful. We’re on the same page. (the fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won. A necessity for apologies between you and me, baby there is none). At this point, we’re kinda part of each other right? So it’s healthy for us to be apart for a bit. (it’s not the end, i’ll see your face again... i know we’ll be alright...just close your eyes and see i’ll be by your side any time you need me). And you’ve helped me grow into the person I am, and I you, so that’s cool as hell, right? (you will find me in places that we’ve never been). We had a TON of fun (we had some good times didnt we) so i feel okay that we’re doing this (goodbyes are bittersweet) and starting the next adventure in our lives. 

H-If I could fly: I. am. yours. Louis. William. Tomlinson. (for your eyes only, i’ll show you my heart). Maybe this growth thing isn’t worth it, let me prove to you how much you mean to me (i think i might give up everything just ask me to). This is gonna be hard as shit because i’m so dependent on you (i’m missing half of me when we’re apart). I’m being honest and I’m being scared and I’m being vulnerable because I can’t lie to you and pretend I’m strong (i let my guard down, right now i’m completely defenseless). But we’re part of each other, right? (i could feel your heart inside of mine). I’ll always be here for you Lou (for when you’re lonely and forget who you are) even if for now we can’t physically be together. 

L-Home: I’ve tried, Harry. I’ve tried to play pretend (told myself i kind of like her but there was something missin in her eyes). But i was lost (i was stumblin, lookin in the dark with an empty heart) because none of it was enough, none of it was YOU (it was there i sawr it in your eyes). And then i met you and you felt the same and we’re both lost souls playing pretend who found magic in each other (but you say you feel the same, could we ever be enough?) Is our love enough to overcome everything? Maybe we can be enough. Maybe I can make this enough, let me try to make it enough for you. And if we go our separate ways, know that I’m here for you no matter what. I won’t let you be lost again. (When you’re lost I’ll find a way and I’ll be your light, you will never feel like you’re alone, I’ll make this feel like home). So go. wander. find yourself. Then when you’re ready, come home. 

 2016-2017

H- Sweet Creature: ***Harry admit that this was the first song he wrote for the album**** We aren’t in the best place rn. We’ve been fighting (had another talk about where it’s going wrong...it’s hard when we argue, we’re both stubborn). But it’s you Louis. It can’t be anyone else. (don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong... wherever I go, you bring me home). That’s not even a question. I’m still trying to figure out who I am, but the one thing I know is that a large part of who I am is you (we started 2 hearts in one home). And aint no way I’m losing that part of myself (when i run out of road, you bring me home). It was always you. 

H-MMITH: Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready (just let me know i’ll be at the door,  hoping you’ll come around). I know I need to work on myself a little more (i gotta get better, and maybe we’ll work it out) but honestly i’m getting impatient and i want things to go back to how they were and i want to be yours again (once you go without it, nothing else would do). But I can’t communicate this to you clearly so let me just put this in a song and hope you get it (we dont talk about it, it’s something we dont do) ****Harry mentioned in an interview that he expresses himself through songwriting when he can’t say the words directly to a person because it’s easier to just write it in a song than have difficult conversations*****

H-ESNY: ****honestly no idea what this song is about but it’s something to do with them fighting and not communicating and being in a weird place before their relationship is rekindled******* edit: this could be about his stepdad

H-FTDT: I MISS YOU AND I’M TOO FULL OF PRIDE TO TELL YOU DIRECTLY JUST COME BACK INTO LIFE LOU I’M LONELY AND SAD AND EMPTY AND IM NOT FUCKING FINDING MYSELF LIKE YOU SAID I WOULD (woke up alone, played with myself where were you...we havent spoke since you went away, why wont you ever say what you wanna say) So until then I sit and wait for your sorry ass to make the first move (maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too...but you never do). Also like i have to hear from other people how you are?? (i saw your friend that you know from work, he said that you feel just fine) ANd you’re sharing OUR clothes with people?? wtf just swallow your pride and call me 

L-Miss You: OKAY BUT I CANT JUST CALL YOU BECAUSE I HAVE PRIDE TOO also my mates are trying to make me get over you (now i’m asking my friends how to say I’m sorry, they say lad give it ttime there’s no need to worry, and we can’t even be on the phone now). So i’m just numbing your absence with partying and drinks but CLEARLY ITS NOT WORKING (should be laughing but there’s something wrong...shit maybe i miss you...when i feel it coming up i just throw it all away, get another few shots cuz it doesn’t matter anyway...such a good time, i’ll believe it this time). This is weird bc like you were my everything but im trying to get used to this and it fucking sux (oh how shit changes, we were in love, now we’re strangers). And tbh, its scary af bc what if this is it (i’m asking myself, is it over?). BUT ALSO LIKE WTF U COULD REACH OUT FIRST YA KNOW (i’ve been checking my phone all evening).

H-Anna: wtf Louis how do you not see how much this is killing me. I miss you so much and seeing you on tv or in pics drives me wild bc you’re not mine. (I don’t want your sympathy but you don’t know what you do to me...everytime I see your face there’s only so much I can take...I guess it would be nice if I can touch your body). And idk if you’re replacing me (don’t know where you’re laying, just know it’s not with me) and we’re in SUCH a weird place rn how do I tell u you’re the loml (don’t know what I’d say if I passed you on the street...don’t know what I’d tell you if you asked me for the truth) so I refuse to put this song on the album and let you know this and give you satisfaction from knowing how gone I still am for you bc I have 0 idea how you feel (hope you never see this and know that it’s for you)

L-Always You: SO THIS IS ME SWALLOWING MY PRIDE STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU SAYING IM SORRY FOR THAT NIGHT... ok but fr i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u and nothing else compares like i can travel the whole world and all i think about is how much more fun it was with you and the memories we shared and i wish i could just say thx fr th mmrs and move on but actually no thx actually fuck you for making me not able to enjoy my life without you. So like...come home? and wrap your legs around me? also lmao i took El to a gay bar in amsterdam for her bday lmao i miss u come cuddle me and i’ll tell you all about it

L-We Made It: looks like we made it, look how far we’ve come my baby. They saidd I bett they’ll never make it, but just look at us holding onn, we’re still togetherr, still going stronggg. Also to the fans, miss our single bed and the nights we talked about our dreams :-* also Andrew my man luv u

2018-2019

L-KMM: our love was youthful and exhilarating and fucking electric and i think it still can be. dont know what i’d do without you now H 

L-DLIBYH: We’re strong babe and we’ve grown and we aren’t gonna let life drag us down. I’m doing better, you’re doing better, this is what we wanted. And now any shit we go through, we’ll go through TOGETHER 

L-Too Young: Okay but looking back, that was a lot of shit we went through and we were just babies and i’m sorry for not fighting harder (i cant believe i gave in to the pressure when they said a love like this would never last so i cut you off cuz i didnt know no better) baby i tried, i tried to protect you but like it was just so much and i hate that you got hurt and i wont ever let that happen again. ALso go us for being mature and COMMUNICATING (face to face at the kitchen table, we can finally have a conversation that I wish we could’ve had before). ANd i know you’re an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry so here let ME say i’m sorry that i hurt you darling. Like we were too young to know we had everything BUT now we’re old(er) and can realize that when we’re together, we DO have everything now and omg is this our happily ever after and we can have a daughter and name her Darcy 

L-Habit: do i need to spell it out for you iiiiii aaaaaaaaammmmmmm sssssssoooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy. But tbh i let you go because it felt right because mentally you were already out the door and i needed to give you room to grow babe. And i needed the space too (you gave me the time and the space i was out of control and i’m sorry i let you down). but like also i’ve learned i can’t escape you Styles. You’re always in my fucking heart and my fucking mind and in every essence of my being and somehow I knew that 9 years ago and it took me this long to realize how powerful this really is (guess that that i know what i already knew, i was better with you and i miss you now). Ooooh also my favorite line i wrote (took some time cuz i ran out of energy of playing someone I heard I’m supposed to be and honestly i dont have to choose anymore) like who am i kidding, im done pretending i just wanna be yoursss now

L-Defenseless: I can’t help it okay theres something about you that doesn’t let me stay away. I need you and I know that rekindling this relationship isn’t going to be easy even though it feels so so right. It’s going to be hard work (sleeping on our problems but we’ll solved them in our dreams, wake up early morning and it’s still under the sheets) and we need to communicate and solve our problems but here I am, raw and unfiltered and emotionally naked in front of you ready to lay it all on the table (not sure how to say this right, got so much to lose. NEver been so defenseless). So like this branch I’m reach out to you and you be honest with me too babe (you dont have to keep on being strong for me and you. Acting like you feel no pain, you know i know you do...I can’t get inside, when you’re lost in your pride but you don’t have a thing to prove). Be open with me. Lets talk. Let’s solve problems. Lets have an adult relationship. I’m asking for a little vulnerabiltiy babe. It’s just me. Theres nothing to be scared of

L-Walls: And here you have me in my purest form. No lies, no secrets, no insecurities to hide behind. Losing you was fucking painful but i got through it. I’ve been through hell and back and I’ve fought. And without you, I grew into the person I am. And any further growing i’m doing is gonna be with you. bc it was all for you babe. and honestly i can take anything life throws at me now. I’m strong baby. I’m fucking strong and fucking brave and fucking resilient and...fucking yours. ***** wtf is the I just hope i see you one day and you’ll say to me oh oh********

H-Golden: You are the literal sun and I’m not ready. YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON (you were way too bright for me, i’m hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky). I’m scared to go through this alone, I need your comfort and your guidance (i can feel you take control of who i am and all i’ve ever known). But you’re scared to go through this with me bc you dont wanna get hurt and i’m too open so where tf does that leave us. ******this could be about coming out especially with the London AND NY secret shows where Harry added the lyric I’m hoping someday you’ll open*******

H-Adore You: You dont have to say you love me, you dont have to say nothing, you dont have to say you’re mine. I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore Lou. Like its the only thing I’ll ever do. read: Louis is a great person to just admire what he’s like. ALso I dont need anything back. I just dont want to hide my love for you anymore. I don’t need answers or promises. Just let me adore you. ********the music video is also basically a Louis appreciation post. He was the boy with the smile that the world took away from him. He found Harry lost and loved him and nurtured him and made him confident and allowed him to be who he wanted to be. But in doing so, Harry became big and unsatisfied and wanted to explore the world and was clearly interested in Hollywood and Rockstardom especially evident in his behavior 2014-2015. And Louis wasn’t about that life and didn’t want to hold him back. So he let him free. But they realized that they don’t work apart. Wherever they’re going, they’re going together, as the boy sails into the unknown following the fish. I see it as Harry’s version of “this one is a thank you for what you did for me” ************* I see it, I appreciate it, and I love you for it

H-Lights Up: ****fight with Louis. (What do you mean I’m sorry by the way) About coming out? About fame? (Step into the light, so bright sometimes) Either way, L is the guy driving the motorcycle in the video who makes H feel comfortable and safe until they get pulled over because SOMEONE wont let them love*******

H-Falling: What if i’m out, what if i’m someone you won’t talk about? Okay maybe I lied I do want you to claim me. Would me coming out of the closet make that hard for you? I CAN’T GO THROUGH AN IDENTITY CRISIS WITHOUT YOU LOU. I picked someone supportive and now I’m spoiled and I dont know how to be with myself. You want back in my life but what if I dont deserve it? (you said you cared and you missed me too...what i’m someone i dont want around). What if you’re better off without me? (i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again). I know youve been through so much shit because of me, things you’ve never even told me about and im afraid...that I wasn’t worth it. Am I being selfish? because either way, i want YOU (what if you’re someone i just want around). Does that make me a bad person? 

H-TBSL: ****Probably when they starting talking again but it was v casual and they didn’t really discuss their relationship yet*****. I MISS U BUT I WONT TELL U THAT and its nice to talk to u again i missed your voice but if u call me baby i will kill u bc that word has weight OKAY. Like i know you just call everyone babe and darling and sweetheart but baby is FOR ME and only for me when you wake up with me and cuddle me and if you think you have any right calling me baby without giving the luxury of being in a relationship with you then piss off because that shit hurts dude. (i know that you’re trying to be friends, know that you mean it...it’s hard for me to go home to be so lonely). ALso it’s not my fault i’m like this, you literally captured my heart when i was 16 like wtf do u expect (dont blame me for falling, i was just a little boy)

H-Sunflower Vol. 6: we were babies and i was so enamored by you and you’re so bright and beautiful and i want to watch you all day and make you smile and i want you to touch my hair and call me curly and i hope im not making you uncomfortable with my heart eyes but like how are you so perfect. I hope you think i’m cool, i’m really trying but like you’re SO FUNNY and charming and everyone loves you i hope im not embarassing myself. And now it’s like 8 years later and i think i can have you again and i want you so bad but i dont wanna seem too eager and im trying to have dignity and not text you first but like also i want nothing more than to talk to you. Do you think i’m cool now? did you like my new hairstyle? Do you think i’m funny on tour? I want everything i want to be domestic again and kiss in the kitchen and i want to cook for you and as;ldfa;sdhaf i want to buy you flowers everyday and shower ur cute face with kiss. boopx28 

H-Canyon Moon: Hell yea i got ma man back and i have a girlfriend named Jennifer ;) and we are domestic and even though I HATE being away from him for work (so hard to leave it) we have the 2 week rule yall then i can wrap my legs around him and after so so so long I’ll be h.o.m.e. Also did i tell you his eyes are so so blue like sky who i dont know her

H-TPWK: So we’re really doing this. We don’t need to have it all figured out. We can just be us. and happy. and dance. The world loves us babe. (Giving second chances, I don’t need all the answers and if we’re here long enough we’ll see it’s all for us and we’ll belong)

H-Fine Line: You’ve got my devotion but man I can hate you sometimes....We’ll be a fine line. Between what? love and hate? public and private? out and in the closet? each others’ and ourselves? Idk. But i’m going to swallow my pride (my hands at risk I fold) because no matter what, the worst possible outcome is not having you. And I never wanna go through that again. I know we have work to do on our relationship (spreading you open is the only way I know you). And there’s lot of unknown here (there’s things that we’ll never know) but what i do know is that i cant resist you (you sunshine you temptress) and i cant be without you ever again. I think it’ll be hard as hell. But when have we known love as anything but hard? And when have we known our love as anything but worth it? We’ll be a fine line baby. But i know, i knowww with every part of me that we’ll be alright. Because these past 10 years, we’ve been through A LOT. ANd it could have ruined us and made us cynical and cold and closed off. And I think at one point it did. But you know what we did? We fought it. We fought it together. Then we fought it individually. And we became BRAVE. And a brilliant man once said, “love is only for the brave”. 

[andremarcusburky]

more boyfriendy things with nols

i’d recommend to read this first because they kinda add on to one another

masterlist

so when you’ve been with each other a little longer

lets say a year

you guys are so comfortable with one another

you know each others limits and you know exactly which button to push to set each other off or get what you want

you had a short period where the relationship was dying down just a little

so you’d make the other one angry and have angry sex just to make something happen

but then you guys realized what you were doing and talked it out and decided you’d both make a little more effort to make it work

and it worked

if anything you feel closer to each other now, like you know you can get through those periods together

still gets you chocolate and ice cream when you’re on your period

has never stopped doing that

actually once when you got your period he was on a trip

you facetimed that night and you groaned a little because of cramps

and nols was obviously concerned and asked if you were okay

so you told him

less than 24 hours later he’d used some app to have someone deliver ice cream and chocolate

when he finally came home your period had ended and guess if he got lucky

the 1 year anniversairy was a mess

he asked you to be at his place by 5pm

but didnt say it was for the anniversairy

and you’d thought about it like a month prior and planned for a gift and new lingerie and everything

yet you forgot

and he didn’t

he made a reservation for 6pm at some fancy place

and he had a new suit

because he knows how much you like him in a suit

and he had a dark blue tie because you always say it complements his skintone and eyes

and you got caught up at work and texted him at 5:45 saying you’d be late

didnt arrive until 7

and he was still in his suit and looked a little sad

but also he’s big bad hockeyguy right so he pretended like it didnt matter because ‘boys aren’t supposed to care about cheesy stuff’ right

and you were mortified

because if it was the other way around you knew how sad you’d be and you knew he cared

he kept telling you it was okay

“its not! its not okay! yell at me! scream and cry nolan! i fucked up and you did this and you should be angry!”

and then you noticed the new suit and you wanted to die.

and there were roses on the table

and chocolate

and he had bought you jewelry

you cried because you felt so awful

he held you

and you just kept saying how sorry you were and he kept saying it was okay

but it really wasn’t and you knew that

“nols i swear i’ll make it up to you, i’m so so so sorry”

“you’re really the best boyfriend anyone could ask for and i deserve none of this”

“i love you so much and i couldn’t be more sorry, you’re allowed to be angry with me i deserve it!”

and he just stared at you

you didnt know why and it was weird

until

“you love me?”

YES THAT JUST HAPPENED

you hadnt even realized you said it, but it was true

and he kissed you so hard

“i love you too, even though you forgot about our anniversary”

he’s gonna get the 2 year anniversary of a fucking lifetime believe me

you ended up getting wendys at a drive through and then going to this spot by the water that you guys like

in his suit and you in a dress

it was really late by then but you didn’t care

you apologized a million times more

and spent the next month showering him in presents, new lingerie and blowjobs

oh and then in the summer he went to winnipeg and you didn’t see each other for 3 weeks until you went there to visit

the thing iiisssssss you guys both love lightning

its exciting somehow and you love watching it together

its your thing

and sometimes when he wants to make you blush he says super cheesy things like that you hit him like lightning and he fell in love and shit

and he had a new tattoo

it was a little lightningbolt

and you didnt see it first

but it was on his wrist and then when you were at his parents place he was holding your hand and you were nervous (about meeting his parents for gods sake)

and you looked down at your hands entwined and there it was

you traced it with your finger and he looked down at it, and then you

he blushed and smiled at you

you didn’t say anything

but you knew

and he knew that you knew

so you kissed it and then went to greet his parents

you went home two weeks later and he didnt get back until an additional 3 weeks after that

by then you had a little lightning bolt on your wrist

you know those movie scenes where the characters aren’t really doing anything but then suddenly they jump each other and there’s a big makeout scene and its super hectic and they just shove shit off tables and stuff to have sex on there

well

he saw your tattoo and then you can imagine for yourselves what happened

[toms-order]

Ocean Eyes

Part four

Tom Holland x female reader

Summary: he loves her but you're in love with him.

Warning: sad

part one

part two

part three

part five

Ocean Eyes Playlist

*******************************

Losing Tom was the hardest thing you ever had to do. You ignored all his texts and phone calls. Every time he’d come over you would pretend not to be home. It broke you more and more everyday. You tried to forget about Tom. You went on dates, you joined various dating apps. None of those dates worked out of course. Most of the guys were just creepy, or they had some of issue. You knew you were just making excuses throughout the date. “Oh he ordered that? It can’t work out.” Whatever you did never worked you still always craved Tom. You could never really get rid of that damn boy. He was tattooed on your brain.

It killed you that you had to stay away from him. It was slowly killing Harrison as well. Harrison had to stand by and watch the destruction she had caused. He watched you break down every night. He held you close when you couldn’t handle the pain. He watched Tom slowly lose his mind. Tom was confused, he was hurt. Why had you stopped talking to him? Did he do something wrong? Harrison had to watch Tom break, and he couldn’t answer his questions. He was stuck in the middle, and it was slowly killing him. 

Tom felt his whole heart breaking off piece by piece. You were his best friend. You were there for him through everything. You stood by his side thru thick and thin. But you were gone now. He felt anger. Why weren't you there? What did he do? Of course he had his love by his side. But it wasn't the same. He wanted you. He needed you.

******************

You were at your local store. You had ran out of ice cream and needed to stock up. You grabbed your favorite and Harrison's favorite before making your way through the ails. You didn’t see the body hat was coming your way. You crashed into them, dropping all your ice cream on the floor.

Groaning you bent down to pick up your ice cream.

"I’m so sorry i didn’t see you." The figure said. You ignored the familiar voice. They bent down to help you.

"Its fine." You said , annoyed. You looked up expecting to see someone else instead you saw Tom. The boy that caused all the ice cream. 

You quickly jolted up. You wanted to run out of there and never look back, but you also wanted your ice cream.

Tom looked up at you with wide eyes. Anger, sadness, and confusion flashed thru his eyes. He stood up, slowly handing you your ice cream. You took it from his hands. Both of you not saying a word.

Tom broke the silence. "Where have you been?" His voice held confusion, mixed with a bit of anger.

You avoided his burning gaze. “I’ve been busy.” You lie.

Tom scoffs “You’re a horrible liar.” 

You shook your head. “I can’t do this right now Tom.” You held the cold ice cream to your chest. You turned to walk away but before you could Tom grabbed your arm.

“Then, when Y/N? When can we do this? I’ve been trying to get your attention for weeks. Please just tell me what i did and i’ll fix it.” Toms voice cracked.His eyes watered “I promise I’ll fix it.”  He pressed his lips together, holding back a cry. 

You squeezed your eyes shut to hold back the tears that were trying to escape. you opened her eyes, looking at Toms distressed face. She grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze. 

“I can’t.” You whisper.

You let go of Tom, before walking away. You left Tom standing there, heartbroken and confused. Tom felt his heart fall into pieces. The tears pooled in his eyes kept falling as he watched his best friend leave.

************************

Tom headed home, he didn't bother wiping his tears away. He had no energy to move, eat, or even breathe at that point. He was still so very confused. He thought about what he couldv'e done, what couldve caused her behavior, but he came up empty. He felt like his heart had been ripped out and stomptef on repeatiatly. He felt numb driving home. He forgot all about the food he was supposed to pick up so he could have dinner with his beautiful girlfriend. He didnt care how reckless he drove or how many red lights and stop signs he passed. He just wanted to get home and sleep his problems away.

Of course that wasn’t an option. His girlfriend had decided to stop by and pay Tom a visit. She waited on his sofa, flipping thru the channels on his TV. Tom didn’t notice her when he walked in. He tried heading straight up stairs. She watched him stumble in, she watched him trip over his shoes and throw off his jacket. He tried walking up the stairs, before he could make it, she called for him.

"Tom." She grabbed his attention.

He looked at her will tear stained cheeks. His eyes held sorrow He looked miserable, The bags under his eyes darkened, his face was paler than usual. Her eyes softened, she walked over to him, putting a hand on his cheek. Tom closed his eyes and let out a breath.

"What's wrong?" She whispered.

Tom let himself fall apart. He wrapped his arms around her neck, pulling her in for a hug. He felt her wrap her arms around his waist. He sobbed into her neck. She pulled him as close to her as she can. She let him feel vulnerable in front of her.

They stayed like that for a couple minutes. She didn't say a word, she let Tom take the time he needed. Slowly Tom stopped violently crying. He sniffled in her neck.

"Sorry." His voice was strained from crying. He pulled away from her. 

She wiped the tears from his face. “It’s okay.” She looked into his eyes, her heart ached for Tom. "Tell me whats wrong." She softly said.

He licked his lips. He was debating whether or not to say it. Saying it can make it real, and he didnt want it to be real. He let out a sigh.

"I dont think Y/N wants me anymore." Tom bit his lip, holding back another sob.

She felt the guilt creep up. Knowing that she was the reason Tom was so broken pained her. She felt her heart drop to her stomach. How could she be so selfish? She didnt think how tom would feel about his best friend leaving. She was filled with jealousy and rage and acted out. She knew she could never compete with Y/N. She thought she had to get rid of her. She thought if you were gone then she could have Tom all to herself. She didnt think about the pain tom would feel.

The tears well up in her eyes. "Tom." She whispers. She looks down ashamed. "Its my fault."

Tom looked at her with confusion. His eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

She looked up at him, tears fell from her eyes. "I think you should talk to her. "

*************************

You were numb.

Your ears were ringing.

Your vision was blurry.

Your cheeks felt wet.

You didn’t hear Harrison walk in. You didn’t feel him shake you. You didn't hear him ask you whats wrong. You didn't feel him wrap his arms around you.

You just sat still, numb. You felt anger pulse thru your body. You were angry at her. Why did she do that? Why did she take him away? Everything was fine without her. You was fine with loving him from a distance. Why did he pick her? Why did he fall in love with her? What was wrong with you?

You were angry at yourself. Why did you let her get you? Why did you let her take your best friend? Why did you fall in love him?

All these thoughts swarmed your head making your head feel on fire. Harrison stopped trying to get information out of you. He just held you, like hes been doing for weeks. He held you tight against his chest. He didn’t know what was going on but he didn’t care. All that mattered to him was that you weren't alone. You would never be alone.

The doorbell rang. It grabbed Harrison’s attention but you still couldn't hear. Harrison shook you, trying to snap you out of your thoughts.

"Y/N, the door." You still didn't move.

Harrison sighed before letting you go. He walked downstairs. He threw open the door ready to tell whoever it was to leave. But when he saw Tom, standing there with tear stained cheeks and his hair demolished, he knew he had to let him in this time.

He stepped aside, letting tom in. "Shes upstairs." Harrison says. He lets Tom walk up the stairs towards you.

Harrison stayed behind, leaving them alone to talk.

Tom walked slowly up the stairs. He grew nervous. He felt goosebumps creep up. His hands shook and he started to sweat on his forehead. He opened your door. He saw you sitting on your bed, your cheeks drenched in tears, the mascara you had worn covered below your eyes. Tom felt his heart ache. He hated knowing that he was the one you cried for. That he did this to you.

"Y/N?" He called out.

Toms voice snapped you back into reality. When you saw him your voice caught in your throat. Why was he here? He needed to leave.

"Just go away." Your voice gave out at the end of your sentence.

"She told me." Tom went straight to the point. He needed to hear it from you, not her.

You gasped. Why would she tell him? She promised she wouldn't if you stayed away. You did what she asked, why was she punishing you?

"She lied." You avoided his strong gaze. You wanted him out. You wanted to save yourself from the embarrassment.

"No she didn't." Tom tried to sit next to you, but you stood up, moving away from him.

"Please, just go." You snapped. You hated her. You hated every bone in her body. You wish she never came and ruined your life.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tom sounded broken. He needed answers.

You laughed bitterly. "Why would you wanna know Tom? Why would you care? You're happy with her Tom, and I'm okay with that. You didn't need to know." You tightened your jaw. Your finger nails were clawing at your palms.

"I deserved to know." Tom spat. He needed you to say it.

"No you don’t. It was my choice and she took that away from me." You shouted at Tom. Your voice was slowly fading from all the crying. Your throat felt raw.

"Say it." Tom demanded. Tears fell from his eyes. "I want you to say it." He whispers.

You let the tears fall again. “I-I can’t” Your lip quivered.

“Say it!” Tom shouted, with tears dropping down to the floor. 

You flinched, tom never yelled at you before. You took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. You looked into his eyes.

“I love you.” You whisper.  

Tom felt relief flood through his body. He let out a breath he didnt know he was holding. He swore he could feel his heart gluing itself back together.

He walked over to you slowly. You looked down at your feet.

He grabbed your face in his hands, forcing you to look into his eyes. His thumb rubbed against your cheek. He pressed his forehead against yours.

"Tom what are you-" You were cut off by Toms lips.

You were shocked at first, but you started to kiss back. Your lips moved in sync. He pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. His lips tasted salty from his tears, but that didn’t stop you. He traced his tongue along your bottom lip. You let him in. His tongue explored your mouth.

You pulled apart. You could feel your lips tingling. You smiled at Tom.

Your heart was beating like crazy. You felt shivers up your spine.

Tom grinned at you. His eyes were sparkling with love.

"I love you." He whispers. "I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner."

You kissed his nose. You brought your hands to his cheeks. 

“You really know how to make me cry, Tom Holland.” You chuckle.

He bites his lip. He grabs your waist lifting you off the ground. You squeal and wrap your legs around his waist. Your laugh fills the air as he spins you around. 

Harrison watches his two best friends finally come together. He smiles at them,leaning against the door frame. 

“It’s about god damn time.” He jokes aloud, bringing your attention towards him.

You both smile at Harrison. Tom let you drop down to your feet. “It would’ve happened sooner if it wasn’t for this crybaby.” Tom joked. He threw an arm around you, pulling you close. 

You rolled your eyes, shoving his arm off. “Fuck off.” You said with a smile. 

Tom looked at you with adoration. “Not anymore, my love.” He said. His words making you weak in the knees. You felt your face grow hot. 

You felt happiness for the first time in a long time. The boy who broke your heart, made your heart put itself together. 

************************************

FEEDBACK IS NICE

i was gonna make it sadder but figured yall deserved a break

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[sharkytrash7]

My last say. Hopefully not my final essay.

So I've been watching YouTube videos of how to get over ex's and how to deal with break ups. In my heart, I know we belong together. I know the fact that I'm not Christian is a problem. My arguement is that you never fell in love with an atheist. You fell in love with me. Its tough when you refer to me as atheist because I'm so much more then that. You of all people know that. I love you with all my heart. I want to marry you still. I'm not of being alone or being without you. I'm scared of what I am without you. To be honest you were and still are my guardian angel in my eyes. You've changed my life and I hate to see you leave. You keep emphasizing that we might not be together but I still have hope we'll be together. After all, you have my rib. I know things are hard for you at the moment with God. Its tough for me 2. I go to afda and put on a smile pretending I'm fine. You want to be with a Christian. I get that. But no Christian will be as good as I am to you. Even tough I'm not a Christian, I can try to be the best person in the world for you. I dont love for your looks or your voice or cause you give me affection or cause you buy me stuff or cause you did things to me. Its all those things and more. I love you cause youre you. I would never change anything about you. Even your cute toes. Once upon a time I promised you I'd convert for you. I want to make this clear ! I am not trying to manipulate you in any way shape or or form ! Im just venting to tumblr. I'd keep my promise. It wouldnt be for you or for me but for us. Cause your right woman ! Its just better if we're both Christian. I know your gonna be thinking, "hmmmm, hes probably just saying this so I get back with him. He just wants me back. What an ass" and it does look like that. Thats why. Huh. Idk actually. I guess it is kinda fucked up to say this. Kinda shity cause then it would make your life 10 times harder. Okay so ignore that bit. Im not deleting it because effort AND because I said it / typed it with meaning and for a reason.

I get why we dont talk because if your parents find out they'll lose their minds and also because I'm pulling you away from your God things. But like when will I be able to date you. Ya know. Like even if I was Christian, your parents would still hate me. And if your parents forgave me. I wouldnt be Christian. So i get your side of life. Cause thats tough cookie. I wish our love could be enough because it is lowkey for us. Its a rough one. I wanna tell you so many things but i dont wanna jinx your future. I just find it crazy that you think your going to marry someone else. People have been saying its just because your my first girlfriend but I dont believe em. I felt a connection with you. Something I dont see happening with anyone else. You keep telling not to wait for you but its what I feel is right. Just like how you said it feels right to break up. I dont think this will last forever. We'll I wont be able to last much longer but. I feel like we've got this. We've been through a lot together and I'm positive about us. When I said us not being together would be a watse I didnt mean a waste of time or money or anything. I just meant it would be crazy for us to go through everything we did just to let (a big deal) get in the way. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU MY BOO !

Lowkey in the back of my head thinking this

I know I said these things but I cant hold you to anything. You could be over me and my shit and want another relationship. I have to deal with that. If you want some buff white english indie guy to come love you then that the way it'll be.

Deep down I want it to be though. Like I want to be your knight. Your dark knight _wink wink_. I know eternal life is a big thing for you and I'd like to be there with you to. I dont really know if I'll be accepted up in heaven. Even if i am a Christian. Im hard on myself like that. Id rather let more deserving people go to heaven. Idk why I put myself. Its just me. I just see potential in others. More so than in myself. I see my purpose on earth as a chance to help others. You know. Plus im sure when (i cant remember the name of it) the blue lights come down and take people to heaven. Im sure I'll meet you up there. Your just so scared of messing up like one thing and I get it I was like that 2. Id make sure everything was planned out. Truth is. I hd to stop being scared in order to move forward. Like after my car accident. I was terrified to drive again. I couldnt deal with driving. But i had to get over it. And I know you blame yourself and God for what happened. Please dont. Everything happens for a reason. I feel like that stuff taught me a lesson about being calm and calming myself down. It definitely wasnt God punishing you for being with me. Again not trying manipulate you or preach to you or try to change your thoughts. Its just my opinion. All I'm hoping you do is consider what I'm saying. I really truley am sorry about everything but at the same time. Everything that happened has happened and its made us who we are. If given the chance I'd do it again.

Also lowkey I'd love to celebrate 2 years with you. #nopressure. Like seriously I'm being serious but at the same time dont stress you cute little head about it. If it doesnt happen it doesnt happen.

My eating habits have gotten worse. Idk. Im lowkey scared im dying. I want to go to the doctor but its expensive and I've been such a burden on my parents. I'm pretty sure I can wait a couple years before getting it checked up.

My new glasses are cool. You have to see yhem in person. That another thing. I thought i wouldve seen you by now just driving or something. But i guess you only really drive to church and home. Or to someones house or like a party thing.

Happy 21st birthday baby. Wow. Your getting like so old. I still remember falling in love with the 19 year old you. Look how far we came. A whole 2 years. Youve grown so much since then. Firstly you don't bump into cars xD. Jk. You really have become such a grown up and I've been blessed being there with you. You became independent and youve become yourself. Its was a wild trip but to see you come out on top has been worth it. You deserve the world. And if anyone tries to hurt you / stop you, send em my way. Youre one of the most beautiful intelligent cutest amazingest bestest person in the whole world. Happy Birthday Boo.

The boo tattoo. We getting em together ? Also all your stuff is still here so if you do move out invite me over sometime so i can drop off these things. Lowkey your life is amazing and spontaneous and I have huge FOMO (fear of missing out). You don't to worry about me tho. I've been waiting to do things with you.

Moving out. Yeah. Its a big possibility next for me. I remember you originally said we can't live together which sucked but made sense. So. If you ever need a place to stay. Call me. I'll set up a guest bedroom for you.

I wasnt going to with your dad a happy birthday because you never with mine I dont think. But im not a monster like you. Jk lol. You probs just forgot.

Also it really sucks you cant speak 2 me. Your not an asshole. I just wish you could've helped me calm down.

Im sorry this was so long. I'm sure Ive forgotten things and said things I shouldnt have but tbh its been kinda theraputic for me. Like I feel a lot better having got thise things off my chest. You dont have to reply to anything yet. Cause I know your brains busy atm. If you can acknowledge that you seen it that would be nice. But ja. Please dont take anything Ive said personally or strongly. I just blurped things out and yes things do have meaning. But it takes two to tango. I desperately want to tango with you though.

Ps I love you

Pps Im sorry

Ppps take me back

Pppps jk. not jk

Yours truly

Triston Kyle Pillay (Penguin)

3:36 Vala is today. Shhhh

[rejectedbyeharmony]

Bryan Paul, Semi-Pro BMXer

The summer after I graduated high school, I got the opportunity to spend some time in Europe with a few of my classmates and my favorite art teacher. We spent weeks looking at art, taking in the culture (read: legally drinking), and saying a farewell to each other before we all went off to college. I wasn’t focused on meeting anyone that summer, I was happy enjoying my last few glory days before college started, and I had to make a whole new set of friends.

I was accepted to George Mason University, which is a great fine arts program. But, my parents lived 25 minutes away, so I commuted to school. My freshman year, I didn’t really get the college experience. I would hang out in friends dorms, but I didn’t really get a chance to make many friends, as I was taking a full load of classes and was dating someone who didn’t go to our school. That guy is irrelevant to this story.

I found myself slipping into old social habits, including hanging out at the mall a lot with friends. Part of that experience was walking laps around Vans Skate Park, at the end of the mall. My girlfriends and I would go in and look at shoes, and pretend to be interested in the skateboards. But we were mostly interested in the skaters. We would stand on the chain-link fence and watch them do tricks, sometimes they’d come over and talk to us. Any girl who grew up in Woodbridge in the late nineties, spent her share of hours watching and flirting with these incredibly talented, hot guys. It was pretty much the highlight of every week.

Wednesday was bike night, when the BMX riders would come in and hit the pipes and bowls on their bikes. I loved going and watching them, because the skill level was significantly higher than most of the skateboarders, and it was pretty much like watching your own X-games at your local mall.

One fateful Wednesday I caught the eye of a tall, black-haired, blue-eyed guy. I didn’t know who he was, but from the way the staff treated him, he must have been important. He was really talented and had a great smile. I kept hanging around where he was and eventually he talked to me. His name was Bryan. And he was hot as fuck. I don’t even remember what we talked about but ended up hanging out that night, having dinner and talking for hours. And then the next day, he called me. He wanted to know what I was doing that night, and if I wanted to go on an adventure. This is still probably the most romantic thing any man has ever asked me, to this day.

So we met up, and he took me to the neighborhood where he grew up. It wasn’t far from where I grew up, and I spent some time playing in this neighborhood as a kid too, so it bonded us. He showed me this tiny pet cemetery in the woods and we shared a mutual creepy shiver when we discovered it. We laughed and made out, and had an incredible time together.

Needless to say, I was completely smitten. I knew he was older than me, but I couldn’t really tell how old. I was only 18 and I had no concept of discerning men’s age yet. I was sure he knew I was younger, but he never asked how much younger. So we kept dating, blissfully ignorant of each other’s ages, but just happy to spend time together.

He lived pretty far south of me, closer to Richmond. He was always willing to come up and see me, but one day suggested that I come down his way. We met and he took me to Richmond. I had never been there before, but a lot of the kids I went to high school with ended up moving there and loved it. He showed me around all the cool neighborhoods and I fell in love with Carytown. I thought it was so cool that he would take me there, and I fell head over heels for this guy.

We dated through the end of my first semester in college, when he announced to me that he had to move to South Carolina. He was getting laid off from his job, and he was going to go work for his dad in Charleston. My heart took a huge leap and I told him I was going to go with him. He encouraged me to stay and finish school, but I needed to be with him. I told my parents that I was going to take a semester off and follow my heart, and they were understandably livid. I wasn’t working at the time, and I had no money. So I was completely financially reliant on them. They paid my car bill, my insurance, and gave me an allowance for gas and food to get to school. I told them that I didn’t want any of that and I just wanted Bryan.

My parents told me if I dropped out of school, they would take my car away. They also threatened that if I left school, they would no longer be responsible for paying on my student loans. I didn’t believe them, I knew they were all just empty threats… Or so I thought. But I also had a car and no money and I needed to get out of town before they could take it away from me.

So I stole the car, I drove out to Warrenton where my grandma lived and I asked her for money. I don’t remember how much she gave me, but I do remember her crying when she wrote me the check. She begged me not to go, but I told her it was something I needed to do. So I got in my Saturn and drove it to Charleston.

Bryan had given me an address, and I called to tell him I was coming. At the time I had a pretty basic Nokia brick phone. There was no text messaging, just calls, so I really had to rely on him answering. He didn’t answer my call until I was crossing the North Carolina/South Carolina border. I remember looking up at the exit for South of the Border, and when I looked down and saw that he was calling me back. I gleefully told him where I was, and it stung when he sounded stunned that I was actually coming. I asked “do you want me there?” And he said “of course. You’ll be here late, but just call me when you get here and I’ll come down and let you in.”

When I drove up to the house in Charleston, I was so nervous that i forgot to call him. Walking up, I could tell it was his parents house, so I expected to see them. I hoped that he told them that I was coming, and I wouldn’t be an unwelcome guest. But I didn’t expect to see two small pink bikes with streamers thrown down on the sidewalk in front of the house. There were children living here.

I sucked in my breath as I knocked on the door and Bryan’s mom answered. She gave me half a smile and welcomed me into her home. She apologized for not having the guestroom ready, and explained that Bryan forgot to tell them that I was coming. I was mortified, I immediately felt like I was making a terrible decision, but I just needed to spend the time with him to know that things could be right.

Then he came down and hugged me, and quickly ushered me up to his room. I stood there awkwardly and asked “should I not sleep in your room with you?” He said, “No it’s fine.” And we crawled into bed and I told him all about my trip down. At some point during our conversation I mentioned something about dropping out of college during my first semester. He stopped me and asked, “wait how old are you?”

Here we go. I remember looking back at him with big eyes, for the first time realizing that we had never had that conversation. I said “I’m 18,” then reassured him, “I’ll be 19 in May.” And his face turned green. He said angrily, “do you have any idea how old I am?” I didnt... so I guessed 25. I didn’t know anyone older than 25 that I didn’t consider a ‘real adult’. He laughed and closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, and then he all at once wide-eyed looked at me and said “Fuck, Katie. I’m 32.”

I didn’t know how to react to that and I think I didn’t say anything. But he was clearly fretting over it. He laid back on the pillow and closed his eyes, and sighed “Let’s just go to bed.” We didn’t have sex that night, and I couldn’t sleep anyway. I just laid there awkwardly cuddling with him, worried about the bikes and the parents and what the fuck was I doing.

I think I dozed off around four and woke up with the sun. He was already up and out of bed. I cursed him for leaving me in that room by myself, but was grateful to discover there was an adjoining bathroom with a shower. So I pulled some clean clothes out of my bag and went into the bathroom and ugly cried in the shower trying to decide what I was going to do. Would I just hide in the room until he came and got me? Should I walk downstairs and see if everyone’s waiting for me at the breakfast table? I was so confused and a ball of anxiety.

As I finished my shower and I got a towel, I heard two tiny voices in the bedroom. They’re were little girls in there. My heart sank as the reality sunk in: Bryan had children. I kept hoping that maybe they were his nieces or just some neighborhood kids, and I searched back through my memories to try to recall whether he had ever told me he had children. But all I could remember was never telling each other any intimate details about our lives. I mean, Jesus Christ, neither of us knew how old the other one was.

Yes I realize how stupid this is, I gave up my entire life to move to another state with someone who wasn’t even expecting me, who I knew nothing about. I see that now. And I felt it then, but I was too young and naïve to understand the gravity of the situation.

I got dressed and walked out into the bedroom to find Bryan in there with two beautiful little girls playing video games they both looked up confused that I was there. He clearly hadn’t even primed them for the woman that would be walking out of the bathroom. I use the phrase woman lightly, because I was not. I was all of 18, and I barely had any relationship experience, and here I was faced with a man, much older than me… With two little girls.

I’ve always been pretty good with kids, so I stood on that confidence, and sat down on the floor with them. They flooded me with questions “What’s your name? When did you get here? How do you know daddy? I like your hair. What’s that? (pointing to a tattoo) Oh, did that hurt? Do you want to go outside and play?”

I felt relieved by that last question and happily agreed to go outside and play with the girls. I looked to Bryan for some acknowledgment, he just smiled and said he would come outside a little later. We were outside for what felt like hours, until his mom called us in for lunch. Bryan never came outside to play with us and never gave me an opportunity to talk to him about what we were doing here. But when I walked inside, I saw my bag packed at the top of the stairs. He was leaving me a not-so-subtle clue that he wanted me to leave.

So I politely finished lunch with his family and walked upstairs to grab my bag. I made an excuse about having to visit some friends in town, thanked his parents for their hospitality, and said my goodbyes. He followed me out to my car and tried to apologize, but I was heartbroken and the damage had been done.

I loaded Incubus “Morning View” into my CD player, and watched him in the rear view as i pulled away and made the long trek back to Northern Virginia. I didn’t go home that night, I drove onto campus and stayed with a friend who knew where I was going that weekend. I called her on the way back and she could just hear me quietly weeping on the other end and she said “hey, just come to my dorm”. At this point I had already disenrolled from school, and it was too late for me to sign up for the next semester of classes. So I waited a few days hiding out in Jessie’s dorm until my sister called, asking if I was ok. She said everyone was worried about me, and I confessed that things didn’t work out. Then, I finally went home to my parents house. To my moms credit, she never gave me shit, she just welcomed me back in with open arms and to this day we’ve never really spoken about it.

It’s been 17 years now, but I still think about him all the time. I’ve even looked for him on social media, but he was never really much of a Facebook kinda guy. I never knew the whole story about his kids mother, or his past. But sometimes, I’ll see someone who vaguely looks like him, and my heart misses him as much as it did that day I left.

[tumblunni]

Man i'm remembering how raw all of Nami's early arcs were in One Piece and how much it sucks that she just got completely sidelined later on and increasingly turned into a sex symbol as well as being pushed further into the box of 'token weak normal human who can never win a fight' while usopp eventually escaped it. Oh except she can sometomes win sexualized fights against other sexualized women. *sigh* That moment where she got fuckin assualted ny an invisible man while naked in the shower and it was all played as sexy to the audience and sanji makes a shitty joke about wishing he had the invisible power to perv on girls and then EVERYONE ELSE EXCEPT NAMI gets some damn resolution on beating up invisibiluty asshole and its clear the whole thing was just an excuse for the author to show tits and her feelings dont really matter. Oh and the fuckin literal soap bath battle with the lady whose power is magic soap that makes people extra slippery and shiny like JESUS CHRIST BRO

Anyway lets not go on for an hour about the bad nami stuff and instead remember the great stuff!

Like that FUCKIN RAW moment in her backstory arc where theyve played the reveal of her being part of Arlong's crew SO WELL that you genuinely cant tell if she was really evil all along and is really betraying everyone. And then they slap you right in the face with what seems to be a scene of her murdering usopp! And its just done so damn great and dark and shocking, like right down to the framing of it where it looks like he escaped for a second and then he barely has time to gasp out a word before she stabs him. And they let this ride for a decently long amount of time too before revealing she's not evil after all. Just enough time to sink in and make you believe it! And the circumstances of the reveal are SO DAMN GREAT, yo! I think its straight up the most badass heroic thing anyone has ever done in the entire series and i hate how it doesnt get remembered much or aknowledged as much as the bigger more dramatic fights.

Cos you see...yeah Nami was not in fact evil and was just pretending to be loyal to these villains because theyd been blackmailing her for years ans she had a plan to trick her way out of it and wanted to keep her friends safe from being involved (and loads of other complex shit!) But she REALLY FUCKIN DEDICATED HERSELF TO HER ACTING cos she knew just how damn dangerous these bastards are and how much it was gonna take to fool them. The real reason Usopp got cut off mid sentence into a strangled scream is because Nami stabbed HERSELF to fake killing him! She wrecked the shit out of her arm and rubbed the blood on him and told him to stay down, and then managed to not let out the slightest sound of her pain and continue pulling off her amazing fake villain acting while bleeding out underneath her sleeve. Its not really brought up again but from the degree of how goddamn much she injured that hand and how she wasnt able to get it treated until after HOURS OF HIDING THE PAIN, it probably would have left her with permenant muscle spasms and difficulty moving her fingers. And she's a mapmaker so thats an injury that would really affect her career for the rest of her life. She risked all that to save a friend who believed she'd betrayed him and was 100% down to fight at that moment! Like seriously they also had some great development with usppp realizing he was wrong and working hard to overcome his cowardliness and put his own life on the line to help save Nami later on. It was such a good arc!!

Oh and of course theres the entire context to this whole thing that this villain group actually murdered nami's mother when she was a kid and groomed her into joining them. And right from the age of like six years old she was already planning how to out-manipulate the manipulators and gain the trust enough to take revenge someday. And she faked joining the villains, faked being fine with it, faked not mourning her goddamn mom. She let herself be treated like a heartless demon child by everyone she ever knew, so she could make these monsters believe she'd betrayed them and thus someday save them all. Save all those people who never even fuckin believed in her! And the villain dude fuckin branded her like a cow and she was so traumatized she tried to dig the tattoo out with a knife and seriously man her left arm must be so damn scarred and i hate that they dont atually show it just cos 'she's gotta be sexy'. They used to show the scar underneath her life-affirming happier replacement tattoo, but it just got phased out around the same time her waist became 2cm wide...

Also it really fuckin sucked that this arc just ended with Nami's decade long plan to save her family failing and she cries into the dirt and then all the male characters save her aand defeaat the bad guy instead. Even worse that this started becoming a trend where every new arc from now on would have some sort of femle character who was very sad and her grand character development was admitting she needed luffy to save her and then everyone else except her gets to defeat the bad guy she has this deep personal reason to want to defeat. Sigh!

So yeh seriously Oda i know ur tryin real damn hard to amp every damn battle as the biggest thing ever now but nothing will ever be bigger than back when you had more simple fully realized concepts that gave the whole cast time to shine and aalso very specifocally nami who was the best most goddamn engaging character and you suddenly somehow forgot this. "Woman who is so much of a damn hero that she'd stab herself to save her friends who didnt even believe she wasnt evil" is like the fucking apex of what this series has ever achieved and i wpuld personally like to remember her always as the way she was in that moment.

Also seriously it would have been way better if nami got to contribute towards defeating arlong AT ALL, and especiaally if she could have dealt the final blow. Like yeah she isnt some beastly strong superpowers guy like luffy and co, but it would have been so satisfying to see all her intelligence and planning pay off! Instead of just bullshit 'arlong somehow magically knew everything she was ever planning and he only let her believe he was fooled so he could have fun shooting down her hopes when she got so close'. Nah yknow what would have been really satisfying and great? If we still had that moment but then it was revealed nami actually double-doublecrossed him! Like he's boasting about seeing through her whole plan and then suddenly he stumbles and realizes she poisoned his drink or something. Would have been extra mega double triple satisfying if this was after him actually beating all the main brawn-over-brain characters in a physical fight, and it looked like our heroes were all doomed but she managed to take down this guy they couod never hope to defeat. Though some very simple clever trick that he never expected because he underestimated her. And also this could work well to introduce the seven warlords kf the sea without immediately undercutting them, like if we clearly show that arlong actually WAS wildly out of their league and they genuinely could not defeat one of the warlords at their current power level, they just got lucky with a creative solution. That would have worked better than having zoro fight mihawk for literally no reason except 'i wanna prove im stronger than mihawk'. Srsly so much of zoro's goddamn honor shit seems so dumb on a rewatch, he outright stabs himself to give himself a handicap cos something sonething honor, and refuses to accept help because honor and fights people who didnt wanna fight him because honor and generally this looks more like signs of the man being suicidal, geez! Also stabbing yourself for no reason is nowhere near as raw as stabbing yourself to save a friend. Also zoro fuckin passed out from blood loss and nami not only didng do that but also completely hid her injury from a literal shark man who can smell blood. And stared him right in the face and lied about murdering her best friend. Nami is the highest goddamn power tier in one piece and if the creator cant figure that out then i have no interest in reading any more of it

WE ARE NAMI STANS FIRST AND HUMANS SECOND

[samanthasroberts]

Who Is Kaia Gerber & Who Are Her Friends? · Betches

Ask any normie who runs Instagram, and they’ll tell you the Kar-Jenners. And you know what? They’re totally right, but they also need to know about the newest clan taking over the ‘gram. Anyone with their finger on the pulse and on the right follow button knows that Kaia Gerber and her squad are taking over Instagram. We all know who Kaia Gerber is: she’s an up-and-coming model whose mother is supermodel Cindy Crawford and whose father made Casamigos with George Clooney (and apparently he does boring high-end business sh*t too, but let’s not pretend like I know how any of that works). She’s 16 years old and has way more going for her than any of us: perfect genetics, an endless supply of tequila, and more than two friends. But who is this friend group, exactly? Sure, they keep Shadow Hill and I.AM.GIA in business, but what else are they up to?

Presley Gerber

Presley is Kaia’s equally good-looking brother, of course! He’s an up-and-comer in the industry, just like his little sis, having modeled for big time brands such as Burberry and Calvin Klein. This mainstay at fashion week and the pages of Vogue has even been in a Pepsi commercial with mama Cindy, who was in her own iconic Pepsi commercial decades ago. It was cool and all (and much less controversial than Kendall Jenner’s Pepsi ad), but still will never be as great as Britney’s Pepsi commercials. Not much else is known about Presley, because when you’re that good-looking, you really aren’t obligated to be interesting.

Huhhhhh

A post shared by Presley (@presleygerber) on Jul 5, 2018 at 11:36am PDT

Charlotte Lawrence

Charlotte is Kaia’s equally leggy, equally barely legal ride-or-die. Her dad is producer Bill Lawrence and her mom is actress Christa Miller. Her dad was a bigwig on Scrubs and Cougartown—those shows that you kiiiinda  forgot about up until now—both of which her mom starred in. That means that Charlotte has clocked in a lot of time growing up around actors like Zach Braff and Courteney Cox, that actors you kiiiinda forgot up about up until now. Charlotte is pursuing the music career route, and has performed at venues such as Baby’s All Right in Brooklyn and Bowery Ballroom. She’s actually pretty great and has a promising career ahead of her.

film cameras & mom hats

A post shared by Charlotte Lawrence (@charlotteslawrence) on Jul 16, 2018 at 5:21pm PDT

Charlotte D’Alessio

Charlotte D’Alessio (no relation to Amber, who made out with a hot dog) is Kaia’s other bestie, because Kaia seems to love being affiliated with girls who are as lithe and brunette as she is. She is also dating Presley Gerber exclusively, which totally doesn’t sound awkward for Kaia at all. This Canadian beauty was discovered at the age of 16 at Coachella. That festival is a sh*t show of Bachelor franchise starlets and Instagram models, so the fact that she stuck out enough to get discovered as a model is a feat in and of itself.

Charlotte has a few bikini campaigns under her belt, as well as having modeled for brands like TopShop and starring as a femme fatale in some really confusing music video for some European band we’ve never heard of. (Can some film major put their worthless degree to use for once and please explain to me why there was an evil octopus in that vid?) When she’s not modeling or having good-looking sex with Presley Gerber, you can usually find her making Boomerangs where she’s slightly tilting her head and sticking out her tongue, or hosting Instagram lives, where she repeatedly answers the same questions over and over again about whether or not she got a nose job (which she denies getting because “I just know how to work my angles!” Sure, Jan) and what her workouts are like (which she claims to not even do. Again, sure, Jan).

pleasseeee

A post shared by Charlotte D'Alessio (@charlottedalessio) on Aug 6, 2018 at 12:41pm PDT

Chiara

Chiara is the token edgy, crazy chick of the group that they need to have. Otherwise, their clique would look more Wonderbread than an Abercrombie & Fitch ad, and that’s just not exciting. Chiara is, of course, a model, and her mom was a model as well. Her Instagram reeks of the kind of pictures that would be reblogged along with Lana del Rey quotes and Sarah Bah Bah art.

Resting face

A post shared by Chiara (@chiara) on Jul 29, 2018 at 8:58pm PDT

Madison Beer

Madison Beer was *discovered* by Justin Bieber when she was a tween for covering Etta James’ “At Last” on YouTube. She moved from Long Island to L.A. to make music, but is more known for her knockout good looks and incredible street style on Instagram. She actually only released a few singles, yet garnered over 10 million followers on Instagram with little to no legit music career. She finally released her first EP this year, As She Pleases, and it’s actually really, really good. Like, I don’t know about you, but I was expecting a girl that’s more Instagram famous than famous for, ya know, talent to drop a stinker of an EP, but “Home With You” and “Say It To My Face” are legit bops. She recently completed an American tour as well, so things are definitely starting to ramp up for Madison Beer.

dat fendi fendi

A post shared by Madison (@madisonbeer) on Jul 10, 2018 at 12:11pm PDT

Zack Bia

I don’t even get what this kid’s deal is. Even before writing this article, I have Googled Zack Bia repeatedly to figure out what he does or what famous parents he has, and I got nothing. It honestly keeps me up at night wondering how this hypebeast twerp hangs with this crew and has accumulated the following he has. He’s dating Madison Beer, so maybe that’s where a lot of my disdain for this kid comes from, because I can’t decide if I want to be Madison Beer or date Madison Beer. Signs show he may have gone to USC at one point, but that honestly means nothing because you barely attend USC unless you’re in Greek life or are an athlete. I really don’t have anything else to say about this kid because, like I said, I don’t know what the f*ck he does. So I just hate-scroll through his douchey Instagram instead.

beverly hills high alum

A post shared by ZACK BIA (@zackbia) on Feb 1, 2018 at 10:19pm PST

Isabella Jones

Isabella Jones is actually @bananablue17 on Instagram, because she didn’t get the memo that you don’t have to use your AIM screenname from 6th grade as your Instagram handle. Isabella is—wait for it—a model. She’s also currently dating a SoundCloud rapper whose tattoos look like a sleepover prank that you’d doodle on people while they’re asleep. He goes by Teddy. Just Teddy. A match made in heaven, really.

happy 4th🇺🇸

A post shared by Isabella Jones (@bananablue17) on Jul 5, 2018 at 2:36pm PDT

Emma Delury

Emma Delury is basically the girl next door’s little sister who hasn’t been corrupted yet, but the older quarterback of the football team plans on making a move on her once it’s no longer creepy to hook up with her. So it makes total sense that she’s modeled for the likes of Pink by Victoria’s Secret, PacSun, and Brandy Melville. No word on if she’s dating anyone, but Isabella leaves comments on every single picture of hers within 10 minutes of posting them saying how beautiful she is and how in love with her she is. These girls are well on their way to being so famous that they have BS rumors about them dating like Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift do, right?

❤️💙

A post shared by Emma DeLury (@emmadelury) on Jul 5, 2018 at 4:13pm PDT

Kevin Malone from “The Office”

I am Kevin Malone and you all are the Instagram models pic.twitter.com/fIVMj4yfyn

— Millie (@milliebeemoore) July 17, 2018

No, seriously. How the f*ck did this happen?

Whoever This Leech Is

Madison Beer did an interview a couple months back and was asked about her famous crew, and she took the opportunity to throw some shade—even though no one even asked! Ugh, this kind of drama is the only thing that make petty 18-year-olds tolerable. Anyways, she said some toxic chick keeps trying to swindle her way into their group to get followers and ever since, I’ve been wanting to know who it is. My money’s on Meredith Mickelson, because everyone in this group follows her except for Madison, and I don’t really know what Meredith does with her time besides take selfies while driving, take Boomerangs of herself sticking her tongue out, and taking videos of herself fake laughing.

dinner🍝

A post shared by MEREDITH MICKELSON (@meredithmickelson) on Jul 30, 2018 at 12:39pm PDT

Images: @presleygerber , @charlotteslawrence, @charlottedalessio , @chiara, @madisonbeer, @zackbia, @bananablue17, @emmadelury,@meredithmickelson / Instagram; @milliebeemoore / Twitter

Source: http://allofbeer.com/who-is-kaia-gerber-who-are-her-friends-%c2%b7-betches/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/02/12/who-is-kaia-gerber-who-are-her-friends-%c2%b7-betches/