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xmoonlitxdreamx · 8 months ago

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Notes/thoughts/interpretations/critiques on p. 1-7 of the junker short story "a friendly rivalry"

I'm not much of a reader but I thought I'd try to read the junker short story since it's available for free now. I took page-by-page notes on my thoughts/impressions while I was reading, which I'll put below. :0

This is only the first 7 pages because the latter half of the story was kind of confusing for me (a lot of combat that wasn't making sense to me), but I'll try to give those a proper read some time too.

(Please note that I'm critical at times because it's easier for me to write about things that don't work rather than do work, so if you don't like reading critique this might not be for you. I try not to be too negative or upset sounding but idk not totally sure how I come off in these notes. personally I'm like Extremely Neutral™️ about the story because I don't really care much about reading in the first place so lskdfjlsdfj)

This will prob not make much sense unless you have the story open at the same time, just a heads up;;

Page 1

Narration is 3rd person mostly limited to Junkrat’s thoughts/impressions (aka narration is in 3rd person but comments/etc made in the narration is indicative of Junkrat’s perception of things)

The cover art made me think it was gonna be from Roadhog’s POV but nah it’s mostly Junkrat

Narration refers to Roadhog as Junkrat’s “best mate” (implicitly Junkrat’s thoughts, so Junkrat thinks of Roadhog as his best mate)

Roadhog possibly nervous & Junkrat is able to pick up on it OR Junkrat is nervous & projecting his nervousness onto Roadhog (as the story progresses, it becomes clear that it’s the latter)

Junkrat calls Junker Queen “Queenie”; can be interpreted as affection for her or disrespecting her

Junkrat thinks he and the Queen have a mutual respect; Roadhog disagrees; indicative of Junkrat’s inability to accurately assess his relationships with other people I guess

They sell boba at a bar in Junkertown apparently LMAO?? I always interpreted it to be that Junkrat picked up the taste for boba from traveling around the world during his heist spree (tho honestly Junkrat’s boba interest was just a fun thing they added based on a fan question about Junkrat’s canteen iirc so I kinda get not taking an earnest route with this lmao)

Sludge pit = some sort of punishment for criminals in Junkertown I guess. Also Junkertown has a jail. I guess there is some sort of criminal justice system in Junkertown idk.

Footnote on p. 1 is kinda funny (meant to emphasize that Junkrat’s a blabbermouth) but tbh I always took Junkrat’s “secret treasure” to mean “Junkrat has a treasure but no one knows what it is,” not “Junkrat has a secret and it’s a treasure.” (Junkrat telling everyone/bragging about having a treasure is in line with my headcanon though)

Unclear if this story takes place before or after their heist spree. Honestly continuity-wise it doesn’t make much sense either way; it kinda more feels like the heist spree never happened. (If it was before the heist spree, its weird that Junker Queen would try to execute them here but then just exile them later. If it was after the heist spree, it’s weird she let them back in Junkertown just to execute them since they’re not her problem anymore.)

Page 2

Roadhog’s “worried look” was apparently just him waiting for Junkrat to shut up, cementing that Junkrat’s perception of Roadhog’s emotions was just Junkrat projecting his own worry onto someone else

This is a formatting thing but I don’t like when books have big blocks of text on the page from stuff that hasn’t happened yet LMAO why are they showing me spoilers.

It’s reveal on this page is that they’re here to be executed. Tbh this is kind of tonally weird to me, like I know Junker Queen wants Junkrat and Roadhog killed but it’s kind of at odds with the kind of cartoonishness of how the story’s written. (cartoonishness elaborated on in later bullet points)

Anyway the execution reveal also reveals that Junkrat’s perception of him and Junker Queen having “mutual respect” is something he made up

Junkrat is social in Junkertown and he seems to likes the people there, but he isn’t liked by the people (exemplified in part where someone throws an egg at him); apparently has some sort of sentimentality for living in Junkertown even if no one likes him

Scrumbo Wigley is a ridiculous name.

Scrumbo Wigley’s name & someone throwing an egg at Junkrat = cartoonish tone of the scene

Roadhog taps Junkrat on the shoulder to get his attention -> kind of a light touch from Roadhog which is cute to me, but tbh it’s probably meant to just shift the attention of the scene lmao

Page 3

Idk why “look” was italicized here, it felt kind of unnecessary since “gave him a look” already means “gave someone an irritated look.” (I’m just an italics hater in general tho dslfksdjfsd)

Junkertown has a premium sausage stand

The Outback Bill bit kind of emphasized the cartoonishness of the scene again; entire listing of the crimes bit intended as humorous. (Outback Bill part in particular felt so random to me, like trying to do an “avatar cabbages guy” bit in like 3 sentences)

Outback Bill crime suggests Junkrat and Roadhog blew up some people for fun (I guess the sausage stand was their target but some customers also got blown up; unclear if just injured or killed, but given the intended humor in the scene it’s probably not supposed to be anything serious)

Cartoony tone makes it feel kinda wild that they’re getting executed but I guess it’s more of a Colosseum battle than an execution

Junkrat is apparently not intimidated by Junker Queen given that he banters with her about her not wanting to fight them herself (though later he’s scared of her when she comes down to the battlefield thing so maybe that was just fake confidence.)

Junker Queen apparently finds Junkrat and Roadhog funny/entertaining (biscuit incident) which tbh makes it all the more random to me that they’re getting executed imo

This doesn’t exactly work tonally imo (again, hard to tell if there’s any gravity to this battle or if it’s just supposed to be wacky silly) but Junkrat getting pissy and saying “unbelievable” like a disappointed grandma about having to fight Wrecking Ball is pretty funny

Footnote on this page says that city factions (demolitionist, wrecker, etc) apparently work together or something I guess. Not really sure what they’re trying to suggest with this footnote; I guess it emphasizes the idea of Junkertown being self-sufficient or something. Or that they’re all destructive and violent, but like. In a community-building way.

Page 4

Roadhog pulls Junkrat out of danger (this isn’t new, he did this in Going Legit)

Junkrat eagerly joining in with the bantering/heckling conversation (?) in the crowd -> emphasizes his chatty/friendly personality, wants to make friends

Junkrat largely unaware of what Roadhog does during combat & focuses more on himself; incorporates Roadhog into his plans when it’s convenient for him; possible that it usually works out/Roadhog usually does what Junkrat asks given that it seems to be a regular occurrence (“Roadhog, catch me!” happens at the end of the story too)

Junkrat uses “wicker basket” as a swear. (???????) Again, this kind of just highlights the cartoonish/silly tone of the story

Page 5

Wrecking Ball’s reveal is also very cartoonish/unserious. Personally I don’t really know what to do with Wrecking Ball’s reveal in this story; it’s kind of not cohesive imo but I guess it’s sillay which seems to be the main goal of the story so it’s like fine I guess

Junkrat saying “It’s alright, Roadhog!” is another instance of him projecting his fear onto Roadhog and comforting himself in the guise of comforting Roadhog

Idk I’m not an action story reader (or a reader at all LMAO I never read) but the action feels kind of slow paced. Maybe because it keeps getting interrupted by jokey cartoonish things

Writing kind of too literal at times for my taste (eg: “He threw the grenade.” -> not much rising tension to this moment, almost seems like he does this casually. For example maybe there could’ve been a tense moment between the heckling from the crowd messing with Junkrat’s confidence or something (knowing that he seems to value the approval of people in Junkertown or is at least affectionate to them) but idk the scene ended up feeling very literally like “the crowd chanted -> Wrecking ball started spinning -> Junkrat aimed at Wrecking Ball -> Junkrat threw the grenade” without much investment)

Outback Bill gag happens again on this page (more cartoonish tone) but like he’s not bothered by it so good for him I guess

Junkrat’s scared of Junker Queen on this page; wasn’t much explicit indication of his worries or fears about Junker Queen before this (mostly just the implicit stuff with him projecting onto Roadhog which was very light), so idk to me this felt kind of out of nowhere for him to be explicitly scared especially since he bantered with her earlier. There’s also been like very little feeling of gravity through the whole thing (see: cartoonish moments) so it was hard for me to feel scared with him.

Apparently no one cares about Junkrat’s treasure. This suggests that Junkrat hires Roadhog just to protect him from the Queen’s men who want him dead since he’s a troublemaker. Tbh this is totally at odds with Wasted Land, where the Queen’s men are threatening him to give his treasure to them or something. Personally I think it’s just better drama for Junkrat to be wanted by the Queen and other greedy people in Junkertown for his treasure, with that being the main reason he hires Roadhog. Plus I think it just kind of ties in with his apparent theme of wanting to be liked by people: there’s something interesting to the notion of a guy that no one likes or wants to be around being literally wanted/coveted for his treasure

Junkrat’s kind of hurt when the crowd groans at him in annoyance but acts proud about it; suggests he’s not oblivious to people’s opinions of him and does get bothered when people find him annoying and don’t like him

Page 6

Crowd kind of feels like a studio audience or something at times LMAO kinda just emphasizes the cartoony/silly tone of the story

The reason given for Junkrat finding the final door is kinda wild lmao like he just fell in from holes in the roof??? Guess it’s again just supposed to emphasize his ~zany nature~. Either that or he like maneuvered his way in like a rat, but the phrasing makes it kind of unclear exactly what he did imo.

Junkrat’s “saucy wink” at Junker Queen meant to emphasize the importance of his eye and also make him flirt with Junker Queen I guess

“The crowd considered this” again kind of literal writing; I guess here it’s especially supposed to be snappy comedy but idk if it was working for me

There’s an abrupt free-for-all for Junkrat’s eye, which is kind of at odds with earlier where no one seemed to want or care about Junkrat’s treasure. I guess they’re all that curious to know what’s behind the final door? Idk the free-for-all would make more sense if the previous part about no one caring about Junkrat’s treasure wasn’t included.

Point of the free-for-all idea here that Junkrat revealing his treasure was supposed to be something he used to get the upper hand, but instead became something that gave him the lower hand (?); aka shows Junkrat is not able to read the room, is poor at manipulating/negotiating, and is always flubbing things

Page 7 (last page I read carefully)

“I thought you were gonna say idiot” -> suggests Junkrat values Roadhog’s opinion of him, insecure about himself (overcompensates when he suggests “Junkrat you’re a genius?” because he’s insecure)

Junker Queen saves Junkrat from a knife, so I guess his plan to reveal his treasure to Junker Queen did kind of work as leverage to get her on his side

Junkrat never told Roadhog what his treasure is or where it is; not sure what’s meant to be implied here, it’s kind of weird that he’d never tell Roadhog especially since this story emphasizes Junkrat being a blabbermouth. It’s possible that he was saving the details specifically for a situation like this so he could use it to his advantage. Initially I thought maybe Roadhog said he didn’t know either as a lie (because he doesn’t trust Junker Queen) or because he forgot (suggesting he doesn’t actually care much about Junkrat’s treasure), but the end of the story makes it seem like he really just didn’t know anything about the treasure.

Roadhog agreeing about looking forward to Junkrat dying was kind of mean-spirited imo LMAO like I guess supposed to be just a joke given the overall cartoony tone of this story + the unserious atmosphere it’s created surrounding execution, and I usually don’t mind when Roadhog’s kind of an asshole to Junkrat, but that was kind of out of pocket for me lskfjldsf

Other misc notes:

2nd half of the story is kind of action-heavy (since there’s no heckling from the crowd anymore) which is kind of at odds with the cartoony tone of the first half imo.

Specific detail I liked: the idea that Junkrat projects his fears/worries/nervousness/etc onto how he interprets Roadhog and that he talks “Roadhog” through his “worries” as a way for him to verbalize his own fears and work through them. Basically this quirk allows him to believe he’s still a cocky, self-confident person when he actually has worries or insecurities. (Like “These aren’t MY problems or worries, they’re Roadhog’s!” but like they’re clearly his.) I guess it is kind of a selfish reading of Junkrat in that it seems like he doesn’t really understand Roadhog but idk for me I think it makes sense for him to be kind of a self-centered person most of the time.

I also kinda liked Junkrat being chatty with some people in the crowd and him being sentimental for Junkertown and its people. Honestly all the details I liked were so minor; I kind of wish they were somehow expanded on a little more. Especially think there could have been a lot more tension between the crowd & Junkrat’s desire to be liked or whatever vs how that might affect (and distract) him in combat. I mean it was literally a crowd, they could have very explicitly made him try (and probably fail) to be a crowd-pleaser. (Like there was a little of this but not much and not in a way that I found super compelling while reading. imo)

I think the main thing for me is that the writing was very straightforward or literal so most of the time was spent describing things that were literally happening instead of writing with a particular theme or goal in mind. Unfortunately I don’t really have a ton of examples of what I mean so. Whatever LMAO;; I think this kind of story just isn’t really my taste in the first place since I like moody/introspective stuff more than combat-heavy stuff. The lightheartedness was like fine I guess but I did feel like it was frequently awkward when couched between the combat scenes. Again I don’t have examples/evidence of this off the top of my head so I may be totally off here but the writing style felt a bit like describing an action movie or cinematic rather than being a work that utilizes writing to portray action scenes. That’s not really a big deal to me because I’m not expecting like amazing writing from Overwatch (it’s primarily a fps not prestige literature) but idk maybe it would’ve worked better for me if it was animated or a comic or something.

Sorry for the Junkrat-heavy notes; the story was mostly from Junkrat’s POV in a way so it was easier to write notes about him than other characters. maybe I'll have more to say about other stuff when/if I try to reread the last couple pages of the story.

Anyway thanks for reading if you did! Hopefully it was interesting to someone!;;;;;

#overwatch #junkrat #roadhog #junker queen #wrecking ball #a friendly rivalry #blab #? idk yeah whatever #info

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coolerdracula · 1 month ago

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my rambling thoughts about The Substance [inconclusive] [really long post] (spoilers; Symphony don't read etc)

sooo. hmm. I liked the blood and the gore and stuff. I like that this kind of thing is in theaters. I enjoy the color palette, and I think the opening shot was fantastic for conveying the major "weird thing" of the movie. the satirical tone came through very strongly, and there were a lot of really funny moments. trying to think of more things I liked... I did give it 4 stars on letterboxd, though I keep going between that and 3.5 . it's a fun spectacle.

I did have some gripes with the second and third acts, especially with the "fake-outs" they kept doing, but I'm also wondering if that was intentional, where they kept faking the viewer out in order to make you think that the final sequence isn't going to be real, either? but then it is, so you're like Ohhhh Fuck? idk. it did give me the feeling of "man, when is this movie going to end?" lol. and I get that it's a satire, but it was still pretty heavy handed with a lot of things. like, a lot of the flashbacks (either clips or voiceovers) that were meant to make you as a viewer go "oh, this part of the movie mirrors a prior scene!" made it feel like the movie didn't trust its audience to connect things and Get The Point. plus the scene where she sees the other substance user in the diner was very "hey! this is what you're supposed to understand about it!" irt them giving like 5 different clues that he was the 'same' guy as before. it's way too much handholding :|

in terms of themes ... it's mixed bc of how they approached her becoming "ugly." right. but more on that later. aside from the execution, and more just in terms of the concept, I think that it's saved by the last part (Elizasue confidently dolling herself up), but it's a tenuous save. bc, without that, it's "woman tries to become more beautiful in the eye of society; winds up liking herself less and is punished for this choice." and it comes very close. which ... like, yeah, it does happen to people. but using that dynamic as the focus of an exploitation film is weird to me? I could be wrong. bc it's not necessarily being endorsed by the movie, bc it's a parable, and movies are a social forum, not moral end-all-be-all's, but ... hmmmm idk. idk. it being made by a woman about her own experiences helps. ANYWAYS. the part that saves it from being entirely that dynamic -- the character arc of Elizabeth+ learning to like herself, no matter what she looks like.

I think that it's a good turnaround, conceptually. but the execution... hmm... muddled. bc, Elizasue is in a very unclear mental state, and it establishes that she's hallucinating, or imagining things, or etc. so she's not present in choosing to love herself, she's just lost in imagined grandeur where she is still "beautiful." the parts where Elizasue puts on makeup and earrings come across as more comedic than touching, which is....interesting....thought I might be misremembering, and would have to take another look at it to be sure. maybe it was serious, and people were just laughing because they didn't get that. idk. but then, the reason I believe in this arc even happening, is during the gratuitous bloodbath segment when her glued-on self-mask falls off (her finally dropping the notion that she must look a certain way?) she says "it's still me; I'm not a monster" or something to that affect. which brings it back some, since she's actively acknowledging that she's changed, but it's still her, and she is still good and lovable. idk. I'm mostly writing this in order to figure out my thoughts honestly. I did really like the final sequence where she turns into goop and oozes her way back to her star & becomes absorbed into it. it contextualizes the prior bloodbath sequence as the "moment of change" so we can then get the more straightforward "new normal" of the star scene. but I guess the moment of change was too drawn out and not serious enough to match what it transitioned into.....imo.....but I liked the blood.....hmm.... but I did like the symbolism of her becoming one with the object that represented the decline of her career. contentment & acceptance etc.

ok back to how they conveyed her becoming "ugly." I do think that ... the early stages (the first two, where it's first just her finger, then half her body) were more.. SHE thinks she looks 'ugly,' not the narrative itself. but even with that, it's still presenting her physical changes in a sensational way. so.. the viewer is supposed to be shocked and appalled. especially so once we get to the third stage where she's completely deformed. and I think that relying on that element of deformity of the human body as horror, it... feels icky......... even if what happens to her is not 1:1 with real-life conditions, it still is analogous to them. this is my core issue with the movie, in terms of critiques.

now for the plural aspect. I don't think it's much of a reach to interpret it with a plural lens, since she literally splits into two and then is continually told "you are one." so what does it say, plural-wise? I mean, it's like Fight Club, where this woman has a dissociated part of herself, which can affect change on the world (HER world) without her knowledge/consent, and is perfectly molded to fit society's standards of how her gender should be. they come into conflict when their shared life negatively impacts the protagonist, and then move into mutual destruction. this does imply some things. the core message is that functional multiplicity is not sustainable. we see this in Sue's refusal to respect Elizabeth's time/physical form, as well as Elizabeth's almost immediate resentment and hatred of Sue. if this were to be reframed as a real system situation, it would be a host that thinks they're more important than the rest of the system, and an alter that sees themself as too separate from the host to give a shit about them. this dynamic does happen IRL, but it's allllll we see in media that includes plurality, so I dislike seeing it. this wouldn't be as much of a problem to me if the narrative didn't affirm this dynamic as a universal truth, but it's mirrored in the affirmation of Elizabeth being "the matrix" that Sue cannot exist without, as well as it being the experience had by the only other substance-user in the movie (guy who hates his other self). there isn't room for implying that there's another possible outcome. there also isn't really room for questioning Elizabeth's importance as the Matrix (or the "Core self," a problematic theory irt DID), since that's established by the 'science' of the world (necessity of Sue's 'refills') as well as the film's 'word of god' (the guy on the phone). additionally, we really miss out on the premise of "you are one." how? when? when, except for the very short moment where Elizabeth regrets trying to terminate Sue bc she realizes that Sue is her source of self-worth? we barely see it even when she literally becomes "Elizasue." missed opportunity to explore that more imo.

okay I'm tired of typing lol. this is way too long bc I don't have the energy to distill the rambling into a coherent thought, but ... those are my thoughts. 👍

#bearer of the curse #the substance spoilers

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silverjojo08 · 2 years ago

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On video games and writing and Fire Emblem Engage

Mainly just me musing about how I don't think the story is bad. Sorry for being annoying tbh. This is meant for my personal circle of mutuals, but maybe other people can get something out of it. Please be nice to me; I am not a professional reviewer and don't claim to be writing anything objective or anything lol. I'm also not really editing heavily for grammar or anything (if anything I try to keep a bit of order structurally but I love a comma splice idk lol).

This piece has gone through many versions in my head as I try to nail down exactly what puzzles me about the perception of the writing as being "bad".

Initially I think I was going to do a full plot breakdown and point out how logically every moment fits together and how foreshadowing + late reveals enhances certain previous moments. As I write this down, I don't think that I'll be doing that here. I almost considered a deep dive into the themes of motherhood and found family presented in the game. Not sure I'm going to do that either. At one point I also considered fully getting into common complaints (particularly some brought up from one of my folks who I deeply respect, Mr. Forte himself), but also I don't think I'll really do that.

So, what am I writing here? Maybe it's a mix of all of the above. Maybe it is none of the above. I don't really know. But I do want to talk about how this game just really vibes for me; and while I don't intend on necessarily changing anyone's mind, I want to at least provide some perspective on why I personally enjoy it so that others can understand my perspective at the very least.

Perhaps I will succeed in that. Perhaps I will fail. Let's find out together. (Again I'm doing like very minimal editing. Please excuse grammatical errors/typos. If anything is unclear, ask and I'll try to clarify. But I'm bad at tumblr so either tweet at me or send it through an ask please.)

Prologue: Who? What? Why?

To start, I'm in my early 30s. The video game that made me love video games was Super Mario RPG, and my earliest gaming memories include me watching my dad beat up the robot evil Santa at the end (also him playing some NBA game on SNES). FE games I have played start to finish: 8 (Ephraim), 11, 12, 13, 14 (all 3), 15, 16 (all routes), and 17. FE games I have played a bit of but didn't finish for various reasons (mainly I got distracted and forgor ��): 1, 4, 5, 7, and 9. None of this actually matters that much, but maybe there's a generational and/or fandom divide of some sort and this provides useful context.

I am not a writer by trade nor hobby. Writing is actually one of my least favorite things to do (this is potentially related to OCD brain "just right" stuff), to the point where I chose my college major specifically based on which had the least amount of classes that I could actually complete without having to write essays. I am a math person. I do like consuming and dissecting written fiction though.

This piece is meant to be mostly explanatory. I want to give my perspective as best I can. I decided other writing styles would be too combative for what amounts to something we're consume for enjoyment. I just want to pass on some understanding of how I feel.

I think the best way to do this is generally avoid spoilers, but I will include a specifically marked section where I discuss all spoilery things that come to mind (anything that I intend to come back to in this spoiler section will be marked with a *). Any non-FE games mentioned will not be spoiled beyond kind of a general "a reveal happened in a way that bugged me" type of stuff, if even that is a concern here's a list of the games vaguely mentioned so you can crtl+f: Tales of Zestiria, AI The Somnium Files: Nirvana Initiative, Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies. It all happens within two paragraphs, so you can just skip them if needed.

(Also I may accidentally use he/him pronouns for Alear because M Alear was the one I played with first, but I do generally think of FE avatars as the same being regardless of gender and try to use they/them when speaking to things both versions experience, which is like everything besides the hair colors being flipped and class options?)

Chapter I: What Is "Bad Writing" To Me?

Ok if you're reading this I assume you are at least in high school, and for that reason I'm not going to walk anyone through that level of analysis. In no way is this meant to be a lecture and I'm not trying to give any particularly deep literary analysis. That feels kind of like a pretentious thing to do in this situation.

So, bad writing? To me the biggest thing I consider bad writing is when an idea is not communicated well. This could be contradictory messaging, poor delivery, puzzling execution, etc. Obviously this can happen to various degrees of "bad", but I will not consider a story to have bad writing unless the writing breaks the experience in some way.

A broken experience is not the same to me as a negative one. To me a negative experience is just a matter of taste in the end and not a matter of "bad writing". Boring writing is not the same as bad writing even if it makes the experience painful. A broken experience has to be bad to the point where you just do not understand what they were attempting at all.

One game that comes to mind on this is Tales of Zestiria. I loved the characters in that game, and the main story itself is largely logical. But it was written so messily that there's a point where it becomes truly incoherent. To this day I have no idea what was going on with Dezel and Rose's personal histories despite a major climax of that game being built around the moment things get revealed for them. Again, it was overall a fun game, but it was definitely one I would claim had some bad writing.

Another situation that comes to mind that can be a spark for bad writing is when a reveal sours previous experiences. Misleading an audience can work really well in some ways. Ace Attorney 5 (Dual Destinies) has a reveal that has made me not want to replay it at all, but I don't believe the reveal is poorly done. Conversely, Somnium Files 2 (Nirvana Initiative) had one reveal that invalidates a significant part of the playing experience in a way that's hard to describe without going any further, but I think playing with audience expectations can only go so far until you make the audience feel like you've stolen part of the joy of the playing experience by severing an emotional connection.

I've been trying to describe this all in objective terms, but obviously it is very subjective. It's totally a "I know it when I see it" thing in the end. This section might be pointless. I don't know.

(There were too many blocks of text so look at Alfred; he's so nice and funny and good. I will give him the pact ring every time I play as M Alear lol.)

Chapter II: What about Fire Emblem Engage?

I guess this is kind of my point. I don't understand how any of this is applicable to it. The plot is fairly simple especially to start. You go from point A to point B with plenty of easy to follow narrative. Characters behave in logical and understandable ways. There's nothing functionally "wrong" with the story.

I think there are some pacing issues with the last stretch of chapters in that things happen too quickly for the player to properly respond even though the concepts are cool*. There's a lot of infodumps in these last chapters too that feel a little misplaced*. I agree that the tea supports (and shared gimmicks in general among certain groups of characters) are a bit overwhelming to unlock in succession. The DLC sucks* and only small parts of it truly add to the main story's narrative. There's the usual Fire Emblem incest and pedophilia grossness trying to peek its head through*. It's not a perfect game by any means.

I think I need to break up overall story discussion and character usage discussion, so I'm going to do that right now. If you've read to this point you generally get my point maybe on why the writing works fine for me and can stop here if you don't want a full peek into the deepest and most illogical recesses of my mind?

If you're not stopping here, together we ride or something idk did the title for this song come from Smash? Whatever.

Chapter III: The Story

***SPOILER WARNING, SKIP TO THE NEXT PART IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS***

Alright so I lied when I said I wouldn't go into this fully dissecting the plot or other people's criticisms. I'll do that a little bit here.

The biggest moment of "controversy" I think that happens early on is the loss of Lumera. What I've seen is that many people feel it didn't land well with them due to the game having not built up the relationship all that well. And I intellectually get that perspective. If a story beat doesn't land well to you then I can't tell anyone they're wrong for feeling a particular way about things. But while I understand people may feel this way, I truly do not understand that viewpoint. That we don't know Lumera is kind of the point. Alear also doesn't know her well at that moment. You're supposed to feel like it came too suddenly and is weird for it. The full gravity of the moment is not clear until later on in the game, and I think it was executed very well because the entire game revolves around this specific concept of chosen motherhood and family.

But maybe I'm moving too quickly. Backing up a bit, another criticism of this early game situation is I've seen people say they don't "have reason to care" how Alear is feeling this early on. And like, I truly don't know how to help you with that. When I start a game I generally don't start at 0 waiting for the game to make me care about the main character. I am already on their side and hoping for the best for them? I went in mainly thinking Alear looked goofy but like a nice kid who deserved nice things and the game did build well on it for me.

I think there are some questions on the nature of the emblems and the rings that go somewhat unanswered. There's a lack of clarity on how the rings function, and how stealing the rings after winning a battle works. Given that we see them levitate at numerous times, I suspect that is mostly the answer. But I do understand if that's a point of contention for some since it's not directly clarified.

The emblems are similarly somewhat explained as kind of heroic essence put to form, which genuinely is enough of an answer to me. But I do understand some may find that lacking. There are also many issues with the writing of the emblems which I sympathize with especially as a comic book fan who hates it when my faves are misrepresented in other titles. That's a genuine flaw that could have been corrected by having people working on the script who cared more about accuracy.

The pacing absolutely becomes an issue in the later chapters of the game. The Zephia and Griss death scene is extremely touching and well-written, but to have a scene that long and that complex in that moment of the game is very awkward. It would have been better suited as a Memory Prism type of bonus scene like FE15 had (for several characters there were scenes that added context but did not exactly fit in the main story such as a flashback discussion with Emperor Rudolf). It is necessary to understand the characters, but there's not a truly comfortable place to put it that doesn't seem insane especially given the length. This deeply ties into how I feel about the DLC as well, which is that Good!Zephia/Zelestia gives crucial insight to the effects of positive nurturing and actively choosing to build bonds, which is perhaps the strongest and most important theme of the game. Every instance of chosen family in this game is framed and shown to be a truly critical event for the individuals, as are the instances of chosen neglect. The usage and execution of this theme to me was extremely powerful in execution and just worked without feeling too cringe or forced. It's good stuff. I love love love what they did here, and I say this as a person who has never wanted to be a mother of any sort.

To go on a bit more about this: Griss (and by extension Gregory, but focusing on Griss here for simplicity) and Alear are such strong reflections of one another. There's some obvious aspects like how Griss is visually edgy and Alear is visually bright, Griss is rude and confident while Alear is kind and doubtful, etc. But the strongest comparisons and contrasts between them involve their mothers, and I think it's just incredibly well done. Comparisons include both of them get their sense of fashion from their moms, get their unit classing from their moms, somewhat blindly follow the words of their moms, had terrible upbringings and cling to their moms as their first emotional support, etc. But the contrasts? Oh baby. Zephia adopts Griss because he's a standout while Lumera adopts Alear because they're a failure (by Sombron's measure, not literally). Griss spends years by Zephia's side learning from her while Alear has to mostly guess at what Lumera had planned for them. And perhaps most starkingly: Griss gets to die alongside Zephia while Alear and Lumera are always mourning one another. Griss is such an incredibly well done rival character. It's no wonder he's the one who gets the special cutscene where he reveals the truth to Alear. Forever my GOAT!

Sadly though it's time to switch gears and talk about the DLC: it truly sucks. I said it on twitter after beating it, but I really think that they messed up on anticipating what would be a compelling scenario for the players to play through while also coaxing themselves into a snafu regarding spoilers. There's some good stuff there, but it's almost directly undercut by necessitating that it can be played early in a playthrough before the player has gotten to the revelations about Alear's biological parentage.

The DLC does attempt to carry over the themes of the main game, but without being able to openly acknowledge that these are some of the last of Alear's siblings (even if not by blood exactly) it becomes hollow. The only real payoff on the theming is the Nel and Veyle support chain where even if they aren't sisters in the traditional sense, Veyle is desperate for that kinship as she is so young and has spent so much time alone. It's very touching and something that could have been touched on with Alear as well if only the writers weren't forced to write a detached arc to avoid spoilers.

Yes this is probably where I should get into the alt Alear being the "twin" of the main one. They needed to either go all in with that and have Alear confirmed as sort of a multiversal set of twins or back up off it and confirm that they're only narrative parallels because doing literally all of this and then having Nel have feelings for the other Alear is gross. They did so well avoiding weirdness with Veyle in the main game, and then completely blew it in regards to Nel. It makes no sense you can romantically S support her and invalidates all the themes about family presented to that point if characters who literally share a father and share similar traumas don't find healthy kinship with one another.

But beyond all that, we don't really get to see enough of Nel and "Nil" to be convinced by their dedication to one another especially in comparison to other familial relationships like between the recruitable royals, Four Hounds, and Four Winds. It feels like things are just happening to happen without feeling the gravity of terror that we are told Sombron caused them. Again, the obvious parallel to Alear being forced to fight Veyle purely due to their father's machinations isn't allowed to be explored due to the spoilers thing. Subtlety can be a structurally clever thing, but this doesn't even feel like the DLC writers were aware of that basic fact. This is the only aspect of the whole game that I feel truly misses the mark for me. It feels like a bland copycat of the main game written by someone who only skimmed a wiki article of the main story. I truly really believe they would have been better served making it a proper postgame arc because then maybe the emotional connections could have been fully explored.

I also almost feel as though they'd have been better served writing a story set in the past around red Alear. I understand that would have made it difficult to have playable units from the DLC in the main campaign, but I would have gladly missed out on them if that meant adding to the main universe instead of mostly meaning nothing in the end besides an edgy boy (and I genuinely like Rafal, he's funny) realizing he isn't as edgy as he thought he was.

Back to the main game though. Alear becoming Corrupted and begging their sister to not give up was extremely cool and dangerous and insane in a GOOD way (though again, the cutscenes were somewhat long but long for the sake of the main characters is different than long for side villains). Then you play the actual chapter and nothing truly significant is happening that makes the experience feel noteworthy. I think the design and gameplay are more of a problem with this than the specifics of the writing itself, but both of those generally work to the benefit of storytelling in this game so to have an obviously contradictory moment like that undercuts the drama of the scenario. It's a great idea done in kind of a "just ok" way. Would have been better off omitting that chapter entirely and just jumping to the emblem-izing of Alear immediately. Maybe the writers were just too ambitious with the idea of using the Corrupted for a good reason, and couldn't bear to cut it out? I don't dislike indulgent writing, but I dislike when I can tell the writers are just doing something because they thought it was cool and no one felt like being the one to say "ok this doesn't quite fit".

Another gameplay and storytelling problem is the final boss fight. Bringing back the other final bosses as evil emblems was brilliant, but to not bring them back as recognizable models, not give them their portraits, and not give them their voice lines (and correct me if I'm wrong, but they all have voice actors from their own games or Heroes) made it difficult to identify who was who without looking up their classes online. That really undercut most of the drama in them being used in that battle. I understand this may have all added costs to the game that they maybe didn't want to pay, but that lack of detail made a very cool inclusion feel kind of middling.

And the boss himself? Sombron is actually an interesting dude to me. But again, all his backstory and evil plans probably should have been dumped in a monologue separate from the final battle. I think this is yet another case, similar to the Zephia and Griss scene, that would have worked better as a memory prism than as just a character telling the audience directly in what sort of feels like an inappropriately detailed explanation. I appreciate that they did not force this into being another story centered around multiversal crossovers in a media landscape that is currently overwhelmed by such stories, especially if the "Zero Emblem" hook has no intention of being followed up on. Though arguably that's yet another thing the DLC needlessly complicated. Is there just an infinite number of Sombrons looking for an infinite number of Zero Emblems? Even more proof that the DLC should not have happened as it did.

Last thing worth addressing in detail is the pedophilia that has been sadly very prevalent in the series and arguably emboldened by the introduction of the S support system. Even if one wants to disregard the internal age data, characters like Anna, Jean, and Hortensia should not have been romanceable in any language. I thank the English localization team for scrubbing out most of this and making them as platonic as possible.

Ok I think that's basically everything about the plot I can think of right now to address directly. Solm royals could have gotten more, but whatever. I thought they were fine as the hyper-competent Batman-like country that's like 5 steps ahead of everyone. I don't have any other things to speak about on the main story events.

*** THE SPOILERS ARE DONE, CONTINUE READING HERE ***

(Your reward for reading all those paragraphs is a nice picture of my daughter Veyle, who is precious and good. I was so worried they would be weird about her and barefeet aside they thankfully were not.)

Chapter IV: The Other Characters

There's a couple of obvious social groups of characters who have largely overlapping gimmicks. Tea time enthusiasts (Celine, Louis, Jean), aesthetic obsessives (Goldmary, Rosado, Hortensia), gym rats (Alfred, Etie, Boucheron sort of). Firene has perhaps the biggest problem of having so many gimmicks done so close together. There is still a lot of depth in those supports still (notably in the A levels after many might have given up, such as Alfred-Etie, Alfred-Celine, Celine-Alear, etc). I don't really have a defense for this, but I do understand why especially early on it would cause people to write off the cast of the game. It didn't bother me much maybe because I benched everyone but Alfred and Louis right away (I needed to keep Clanne and Framme around, they're really funny lol).

But overall I didn't mind any of the characters for their gimmicks besides Seadall (his disordered eating being treated as a joke was just extremely offputting and it was really 50/50 on whether a support might focus on it) and Goldmary (she is just an asshole and to me it wasn't funny, not every joke will land for everyone I suppose).

The cast felt extremely likeable and well-rounded. I will sound like a broken record here, but again they really reminded me of what I enjoyed about the FE8 cast. Just pretty much all likeable and good characters.

Chapter V: Everything Else

Here's like everything else that comes to mind but I don't have enough in my brain to properly write sentences on them and I kind of want to be done with this lmao:

Yes, I think it's a little silly how some characters manage to get away without the game directly stating how. Alear and co are nice and not brutal so you can assume they allowed the escape, but it's still weird at times. Poorly choreographed.

I will never unironically use the term "ludonarrative" (no shade if you do, but it's not me). However the introduction of the Lucina ring bringing back hope to the crew while being a supportive ring for gameplay purposes and all is just really special stuff. It's good. Similarly, the ring you get at the end of chapter 17 is an amazing moment.

I'm not particularly bothered by the rings being former characters. I don't feel they were used poorly or anything. They're wise old heroes helping the new gen, and they serve that purpose well. Only Marth has a bit more to him than that due to his history with Alear, and I think it plays out well without being reliant on prior knowledge. Again very sorry to Eirika fans, I've seen the essays there on the inaccuracies and you're all valid.

The time travel is very clean and properly defined imo. Much more limited than in Three Houses in-universe which is good, however the best explanation for the rewinds will continue to be Mila's Turnwheel (in that there is no time travel, just some premonitions that allow the characters to evade danger).

I love Pandreo and Zelkov so much. Oh my god. They're so funny and just good men. Excellent dudes. Amber, Rosado, YUNAKA. The cast is just lovely. I love them.

Sommie is so cute for real. Just brilliant idea to include a nice pet for your home base. If anything, they should have given it more wigs for the main royals or some of the emblems. Also Sommie is totally the Zero Emblem.

Chapter VI: Conclusion

Let me get TMI here. I do understand that personally I experience and perceive emotions in an unusual way compared to most people. I've not been diagnosed with anything specific to that level of wiring (just OCD and anxiety), and as far as I feel it doesn't seem necessary. But it is what it is, and I am who I am. Maybe all of this is pointless to write and it truly is just a matter of taste and personal emotional expectations. I don't know. I just know I liked the game, and what worked on me really worked. Hope this was fun to read even if it doesn't give any particular insight.

I did not intend to compare any other FEs in this piece mainly because it's not about them. Legit sorry if I inadvertently cause some sort of discourse.

tl;dr It's Peak Fiction™

#fe17 #fe engage #fire emblem #essay

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likeabxrdinflight · 1 year ago

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watched the new little mermaid movie through *ahem* somewhat dubious means

halle bailey killed it, she was perfect as ariel, 10/10 no notes. might be worth watching the movie for her performance alone ngl.

eric was...decent I guess. they made a few changes to his character and it's...I mean it's fine. it really doesn't make him a much stronger character than the original. they did give him a new solo song though and it's genuinely terrible. but they also added some nice scenes between ariel and eric that were admittedly cute, so...yeah. he's fine.

daveed diggs as sebastian felt extremely phoned in. never mind the uncanny valley cgi crab nonsense, the performance by diggs just. wasn't good. his lines are largely unchanged from the original movie, and I mean like, it is word for word in some places, but diggs is just worse all around. all the charisma and charm of sebastian was just sucked right out of it. and this is a shame because I know diggs is talented, he's way more talented than this, so I have to assume the problem was either the directing or the fact that he knew he was reading for a cgi crab. unclear. can't blame him either way tbh.

why was flounder even in this movie? he adds nothing except uncanny valley fish cgi. I mean it somehow they took what felt like an essential character from the first film and made him feel irrelevant I hate it.

speaking of hate who the fuck let awkwafina rap??? I've never much cared for her comedy, but she was especially unfunny as scuttle and frankly annoying most of the time. and then they added this awful rap number because god forbid lin manuel miranda not insert himself into every movie he touches.

triton was such a downgrade from the original. what a wooden, dull performance. and for such an essential character it could not be more disappointing to see. I felt nothing during the scenes between triton and ariel, which are some of the most intense and emotional in the original.

melissa mccarthy surprised me at how good she was as ursula, but I'm still upset they didn't cast a drag queen. what I did not like was that they had ursula make ariel forget that she was supposed to get eric to kiss her? which is smart on ursula's part but it really makes the movie a little weird because...what the fuck does ariel think the deal is then? like what is the goal for her exactly? it really takes away some of ariel's desperation and motivation and also weirdly de-sexualizes the film even further and I don't like it.

the lyric changes were minimal but also annoying because they were so unnecessary and so obviously trying to pander to modern sensibilities in a very...corporate, squeaky clean way. like ursula doesn't get her lines about men on land preferring silence and the "body language, ha!" gets cut. and it's just. a crime.

speaking of dumb changes meant to appease some imagined version of feminism, they changed vanessa and eric's wedding to just an engagement party and oh my god it was the worst tension killer. why would you do that. all urgency is sucked out of it like WHO CARES if it's just an engagement?? that's not binding???? stupid change.

also at the end they have ariel and eric run off to go explore together which. fine I guess. but again this felt like a change meant to appease the bad faith feminist critiques of the early 2010s. it's not like a terrible change but it just feels like it's meant to say "look she doesn't marry him right away!! #feminism" and it's. like. it's a fucking fairytale. also in the original the wedding is such a lovely ending with triton coming up to send her off and everything so idk. it's not offensive just kinda silly.

oh and they also added this bizarre plot point where the human characters like...know about merpeople and blame "the sea gods" for causing ship wrecks and hunt them for sport and it...it kind of weakens the point of triton's prejudice being just that, prejudice, by making it this weird "both sides are equally bigoted!!" thing and I have just never liked that approach. ariel's argument becomes "but not all humans are bad, just the ones that kill!" and it's........*sigh*. tiresome. this never gets properly addressed either, because there isn't time, and by the end everyone's just cool with each other like ariel and eric getting together just solved all the tension or something. extremely tiresome.

they did cut les poissons. this I am fine with.

overall it's...I mean it's very watchable. nothing horribly wrong with it. but it's just another shot for shot remake with a few changes here and there to address internet criticisms from ten years ago. somehow half the soul gets sucked right out of it with the move from animation to live action, the same with all of these films. halle bailey was phenomenal though and I do think she absolutely deserved this part and I hope her career flourishes from here.

overall I'd say it's on par with the aladdin remake. like. it's fine. some good moments, some good performances, but very mid. not as egregious as mulan or the lion king, I'd say it's also better than beauty and the beast, but not as good as cinderella.

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sunriseovergotham · 1 year ago

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INTRODUCING NEW GUYS!!!!

jordan daniels (he/him)

he was a journalist who was snooping around in the compounds business and so they plucked him from his time and tortured him a little bit. he was later consolidated with a mikey for... IDK shits and giggles. their consolidation name is um. well. the thing is. its basically a combination of mikey and jordans name so mikordan or jomirdan or mijorkey or any other horrible name. hes nosy and curious and not at all prepared to deal with any of the situations he is in

"jordan daniels" (he/him)

THE FLINCHIATE REPLACEMENT!!! he was made to basically destroy all the evidence he gathered and research he conducted and say "ohhh nooo theres nothing going on here at ALL!!! compound what compound"

eike (he/him)

mike walters but evil. NO um basicallyyyy. flinchiate iteration. he was manipulated into utterly DESPISING base, like with borderline murderous intent. he has Very complicated feelings about edgar and would probably crumble to pieces if edgar so much as looked at him. hes bitter and unstable and hurdling to his own death at a frightening pace. he was never meant to last. there is no version of him that will survive the compound. i dont think he even cares about the fact that he will inevitably die there. hes so doomed by the narrative and mikordan is trying SO hard to save him. alas, you cant exactly save a mike walters from the narrative

mikordan (he/him)

he doesnt despise base in the same way that eike does, partially because of how disconnected jordan is from the whole... everything. he and eike are codependent... somethings. i dont think theres a word that can describe their relationship. something about surviving horrible circumstances with each other. he... vaguely remembers stuff mikey remembers? its very foggy and unclear, sometimes sounds or sensations or smells will remind him of something, but he cant always hold onto those memories- like trying to remember a dream, feeling it slipping out of your hands the more you try to grasp it. he can also usually remember things when hes reminded of them.

eike kind of takes a protective role over him? technically they both help each other out but eike does so a lot more often and like a feral untrained dog. sometimes he asks eike about base. eike is really cagey about base and hates talking about them unless its negatively. mikordan can sometimes pry stories out of him. eike reminds me a lot of mike rather then mikey? but like. a really unstable mike. like incredibly unstable and horrible and tired and god please let this man rest for like one fucking second jesus

#HES A JOURNALIST THERES A CHANCE HE KNEW ANNE...#wbg oc #oc: eike walters #oc: mikordan

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2bu · 1 year ago

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least favorite things about roleplaying communities, in your opinion?

Throwing under the cut because oops I began to rant

I'm sure I've answered this before, but I really do loathe snobs and bullies, especially when they've formed a clique.

This has always been a thing since roleplaying was invented, I'm sure, but it doesn't change how I feel about those kinds of pretentious writers who form a circle around themselves and parade around as self-important, spread malicious gossip or rumours/lies, judge others and either perpetuate drama or get looped into it over petty, trivial reasons. Or, like, it's their only hobby that they take way too seriously and make it miserable for everyone else. I get having boundaries, opinions, and even rules for interactions, of course, sure.

That's fine. I just don't like putting down others and I'm ashamed that sometimes, in order to try and fit in, I'd participate in such behaviour over the course of my years online in roleplaying communities (which literally, as previously mentioned, spans well over a decade). Like, I truly hate what those spaces have done to me and normalized for me! Looking back on it now, I'm genuinely upset that I, a victim of bullying, would have participated in smack talk or gossip about someone I don't even know over really, really REALLY dumb/petty stuff! This was more so back when I was a teenager, but even still, as an adult, I know I'm guilty of having done that and I'm just... not proud of that. No one should be, and I'm definitely working to not only change that but to stop participating in toxic environments that allow these things to take place be it publicly or behind the scenes.

I suppose, of course, it goes without saying that this isn't the biggest issue, no - racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia and transphobia and a lot of real-world stuff is still an issue, and I especially avoid roleplaying communities entirely because of biases writers still very much have against writers of colour such as myself, who refuses to bend and appease anyone else but myself.

I also don't fuck with like, communities that are lead by people who clearly are not handling like, mod positions well or are just not experienced with balancing moderator responsibilities, a story/plot, worlds, assests, guides, etc. I'm not going to join your RP if there's absolutely nothing to show for it, and you're just waiting for people to join. I get that sometimes, these things won't be prepped until people join, but IDK, I'd rather not hold out for something that may never come to fruition, if that makes sense! Even for sandbox RPs and whatnot, I prefer there just be some level of... polish there, if that makes sense? That's just a personal preference, and has saved me tons of heartbreak and frustration in the past.

I think lastly, I'm also not a fan of incompetent mods. Some people are not meant to be moderators, and work best as like, DMs, or vice versa! Being both is great, and kudos to whoever can handle that, but it's rare I've personally found any people who can achieve both. Some mods are too lax on the rules for the sake of personal interests or just don't give a fuck about making the experiences fun and safe for others regardless of age, others are WAY too strict and sometimes cruel towards their members over trivial reasons and rules a reasonable person can't REALLY follow because it makes no sense, is hypocritical, or contradictory, or worse, unclear to begin with. There's no point in joining a community where I don't feel safe or feel like the rules harm me or others more than protect us. Rules vary of course, from community to community, yes - especially once you determine the target age groups you're trying to rope in, but even still, some rules just... aren't it for some of these places, and it bothers me even a whole decade later how some shit flies in certain places, and who gets away with shit.

I lied, this last bit also plays into what I've overall said and definitely said at the beginning, but favoritism. Loathe that shit, especially when it comes to mods allowing just any fucking bitchass nigga get away with breaking rules constantly, fucking around with members, their characters and plots, etc. I have no respect for bitchass mods who are more interested in upkeeping their high school bully cliques than fostering the welcoming environments for everyone involved, even people who they may not like/who plays characters they may not like/whose artists/writers they may not like/prefer. And honestly, maybe close off applications/interactions to people you aren't mutuals, friends with, or people you don't like to avoid taking responsibility like that? This was a big problem in the Mystery Skulls Animated fanbase and by fucking God, was I not there for it nearly a decade ago and I'm certainly not for it now.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk LOL

#ducky answers #anonymous

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totallynot · 8 months ago

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back on Tumblr after two years and holy shit my old posts are so much more cringy than I remember but it's okay I was just a kid i can delete them later I don't think anyone is gonna find this account .

anyways the reason I'm back is because I just need somewhere to write. Tumblr is like an old reliable friend I can go talk to.

Anyways you've missed a lot. Things with her are less horrible. I think me moving out has helped the family. My issues make things worse here. Things still are bad sometimes but not nearly as often.

I actually dated this guy for a year and like 7 ish months. He was a year older than me. I knew him from robotics and I always thought he was kind of cute. He never thought of me before we got together though. Basically how it went was we were both at a party in a game of paranoia and the question asked of me was 'who in this circle would you be most likely to date?' I, the silly girl I was (and lowk still am) responded looking in his eyes and pronounced his first and last name... yeah but the thing is I wasn't even like into him?? I just said it cus like it's fun to tease boys?

idk whatever. anyways one of his friends asked one of my friends to prom and so his friends since all of them had dates were like oh '[ex's name] do you want to bring someone to prom' and he was like 'ig' and they were like 'do you have ideas on who' and he was like 'yeah I think she (me) would say yes bc of what she said in paranoia.' And so then his friends like poked and prodded him to ask me to prom and it was really sweet how he ended up asking me and everything but like unclear if he meant it as friends or what. so like we start planning prom together and he's like kind of really nice and organized and even though I started liking him and at prom we did a lot of hand holding. eventually after prom we went on more dates and started dating.

From the beginning I feel that I was never too into him :/ like he was nice but I had never had attention like that from someone and I really started enjoying how he talked to me and he was clean and everything so we started dating. and like I think I expected things to end a lot sooner than they did when we initially got together.

The first summer together was wonderful. But like we barely talked. Like all we did was make out. We talked on the phone at night sometimes but in person we mostly just made out and dry humped. And so when he was leaving for school i anticipated breaking up then but he wanted to try the long distance. We decided that we'd reexamine our relationship at Thanksgiving.

In the first few months of long distance I was sure I was gonna end things because I knew I didn't really like him that much. Like 100% sure. What made me change my mind was this:

My 17th birthday was landing on a weekend and he said he'd come home that weekend to see me. That was also the weekend of homecoming. Unfortunately I got COVID and was unable to celebrate or go to homecoming or see him. That weekend he along with some of my friends surprised me with a cake and card outside my home. I was so sad and it was so nice and it made me so much less sad. He then made plans to come back home a couple of weekends later to makeup for the fact that we couldn't see each other. A few days after that I was really frustrated during a tennis match and I told myself to think about what makes me happy. And what I thought about was him and my talks with him. So I decided to stay.

Looking back on its, I think that I really liked being in a low stakes casual dating situation. We weren't (at least i wasn't) concerned about sex or anything like that yet I just liked having a friend to talk to everyday.

Anyways so I didn't break up with him and so that's when the sex stuff started. That's when on the phone conversations started to go into things other than kissing. We both decided we wanted to so the next time he was over we did some things. And eventually by the time we were together for sevenish months we had done more things. We gave each other that special gift.

That's pretty much it I guess. It stayed like that for me. We were from there a serious relationship. And things were good but when we hit one year I thought to myself 'damn there's no going back now unless I have a real good reason.' Shiit i shouldn't have let it get that far. Oh well.

I loved him. I just don't think I would want to marry him. I don't know if I was in love with him or even like attracted to him. I loved him like you love a best friend. He was someone I could go to if anything was wrong and he would listen and I could trust that I wasn't a bother to him. I liked having someone that I could be close to like that. I liked the sex. I liked how he held me. I liked that he loved me. But it wouldn't be fair for me to use him for that when I knew I didn't love him like that.

I broke up with him a bit over a month ago and fuuuckk i miss him. I miss having a best friend that I talked to every night. That I could just be with and all my problems would simply melt away. Now instead I have to feel my feeling and that fucking sucks. I am so anxious all the time. And like people that aren't your boyfriend don't really want to hear the same thing about how you're feeling again and again. But writing it down here felt really good.

I worry about him a lot. I often felt guilty about the fact that he had like no friends at college. I felt like I couldn't leave because how does that leave him? I was going to reach out to his friend from high school after the breakup so I knew he was talking to someone about it but my ex said that he'd tell him himself. I found out last week that he did not tell him. That made me worry more but maybe he told his roommate more? Maybe he's getting closer to him and his friends. I don't know. I hope he's doing good. I really do love him still. How could I not? At the very least he was my best friend for two years.

I have been a mess since the breakup. I don't know how to handle things without him being there for me to bounce my thoughts off of. I know myself and know that if I'm still single this summer I may hit him up but it's good I'm single now. It's good I'm able to make the emotional mistakes I'm making recently, now instead of later I suppose.

I tried journaling outside of Tumblr like on paper and that shit just does not hit the same. I missed you Tumblr. Maybe I'll come back more often. This really did help a lot I feel.

#vent #breakup #journal

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suugarbabe · 10 months ago

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Mother bird we have an issue 😭

I believe I accidentally twisted a bit his words and that he actually didn't know that I wanted to talk (at the start) in that way and that's the reason he panicked.

Now, I don't know if it was a nervous flustered panic or a just idk normal panic and for now we kind decided to talk "once in a little bit" his words not mine. A friend of mine had insinuated that he might be trying to see if he still harbors feelings for me and I simply don't know what to do :')

Also what is a "once in a while" talk? Like once a week? What does it meannnn

I know he somewhat is interested in actually wanting to talk again either in a friendly or more way because he called me and started all of a sudden to look at my Instagram storys when he doesn't really do it to anyone from my knowledge but I do believe he's too anxious to start a conversation but I don't want to look too desperate because last time I guess I scared him off and I believe either way weather were gonna be friends or more this is going to need to be slow and not too forward. 😭

Honestly idk if you twisted his words or if he was just unclear and not communicating effectively because if you’re both in you’re 20’s the language he used in the last conversations you had with him were a little immature.

If you’re like 14/15 and in 9th grade like I get it. But post 18 we all need to be a little more clear with feelings and communication.

There are plenty of men out there, babes, that are good communicators. It’s not just fantasy things we write for our characters here in the tumblrverse. They’re out there, we just gotta let ourselves be open to finding them.

If you feel like you and this guy had a genuine connection and want to salvage it, then do you boo. But saying “once in a while” typically in guy speak that means “when it’s convenient for me” and that could be once a week or that could be once every two months.

Personally I wouldn’t want you to hold out for a guy that’s just a maybe. Some people are in our lives for a period of time to show us things and let us learn things. They can pop in here and there but they’re not meant for the long haul.

If what I’m saying sounds wrong let me know but thems my thoughts atm lovie.

#mother bird brina #sab gives advice #nonny bo bonny

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squishyteri · 9 months ago

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So, this is update after ep 7. I still think Top, Tee and Por are the main culprits in this (Por became the king of assholes in this ep, I hate him sm, like man's dead and I want to kill him again). Although it seems Tee started being nice, but I don't really trust him at this point, might be just an act. But if there was, by any chance, a beginning of change of Tee's character, it might explain how him and White got together. (he started changing, then caused Non's death most likely and that made him want to be a better person, at least a little, and be good to White, but idk, I don't really trust Tee). Jin was still kind to Non. Although he did almost slip with the video. He ended up not posting it, but how did it get out? (Here I would believe that Fluke didn't do it, like when Fluke ever did something directly? Though he was acting suspiciously, that's true.) I still stand for Jin though, it seems he didn't do anything to Non. But I'm starting to think that he feels guilty for not protecting him more, preventing whatever happened to him. That's why he acts calmer than others in present time. He probably feels like he deserves all of that.

I'm just worried that because of his broken heart, he might do something bad to Non in the end. He did see the ghost after all. I don't think he would do anything way too bad, like he still wasn't affected that much and definitely doesn't act that guilty, but I'm still worried. For Phee. Oh, my poor boy. If anyone is behind the killing, it's most likely him. He loved Non deeply, but lost him. First because of Keng, then because of the friend group. And he knows the reason Non got close to Keng is because of the group, so he has every reason to get his revenge on them. But he also must feel so guilty. It seems that his very last words to Non, person he loved so much, were: "Get lost and die." which is what ultimately happened. I can't even imagine what he must be feeling. No matter what Non did, Phee loved him so much, so having this be his last words to him must be eating him ever since Non disappeared.

(By the way, if you're wondering just as me, no, present time Phee is not wearing the red couple bracelet, wonder if it's just to cover up his connection to Non, or if there's other reason. Even though Non cheated on him, he still loved him and I would assume he would keep the bracelet, especially since the guilt about his last words he most likely has)

(and I believe none of those bullies would notice that Phee has the same bracelet as Non was wearing, dudes probably didn't even notice that Non was wearing one, only person who could notice would be Jin, who liked Non and might notice such details about him)

(so yeah, I do wonder)

What again caught my eye is my theory slowly becoming the truth. That being Jin knowing who Phee is. In this ep he saw Non and Phee together. It's unclear if he saw his face, but it's possible that present Jin knows that Phee was Non's boyfriend.

I also wonder if the guilt of not protecting Non (and possibly being mean to him in their last conversation) is what got them together.

We didn't get any hints to White and Tan, so my thoughts about them are still the same.

Now Keng is definitely an asshole, no doubt, using his authority to get Non like this ... big bad. But he still tried to help Non solve the issue with the horse account business. As much as I'm disgusted by his behaviour, I think he never meant to do anything bad to Non (at least not deliberately) and if he's involved with present time events, definitely because he wants to make things right (by revenging Non).

We got introduced to two more characters that might play some role in the future. That being Phee's dad, who is a police officer and Keng's friend and journalist Joy. I wonder if they're involved or what their role might be.

Finally, from the next ep preview, it's clear we're getting into big finale of the flashbacks (finally, I love getting to know the lore, but this is way too long). It seems that they'll drive Non out of his mind (maybe because he won't take his medication?) and something will happen because of that (unless it's just Non playing his role as a murderer). And it's clear that Tee was the one who brought the knife (possible murder weapon?).

Now I just wonder what really happened to Non.

What I'm worried about mostly is how will I view the present time events from this point (and after the next episode). Because there will be at least four episodes of watching this group trying to survive, out of which most of us want two gone asap (Tee, Top), one gone right after them (Fluke), one who we believe is actually behind the murders (Phee), one we want to slap to make him less annoying and more likeable (White, like he's not bad, but he was just super annoying for me to watch, but I want him to get it together and live), one we feel indifferent about (Tan, like we know nothing about this guy, like I'm so neutral about him atm) and one most of us want to survive for sure (Jin).

I'm really worried that now the scary aspect of me being worried about some characters will be gone and it will ruin the immersion for me. Like if there will be scary suspenseful scene involving Top and the murderer, I would just be like "whatevs, just die" and idk if that's the way one should feel watching horror scenes.

Well, we'll see I guess.

Thank you for reading all this blabbering all the way here.

Have a lovely day!

DFF theory time!

So, I've been thinking a little bit and I want to dump my thoughts about DFF so far (after ep 6).

Generally, I think that Tee and Top definitely did something. Those two were acting the most suspicious when it comes to the whole thing about Non. They were also the most frightened. And they were the ones bullying Non the most (along with Por).

We didn't see much about Por, but I think he was involved too (from what he was trying to say before dying). But it's hard to tell, because we didn't really see his reaction to any events (expect him getting frightened of the masked man so much he ran into a branch ... I'm sorry, I still think it's funny that he basically ended himself, like even the killer must have been like "wow, he made it wayyy to easy for me wtf") but he was very scared about watching the tape, so I assume he did something directly, just as Tee and Top.

Fluke was involved, but not directly. Fluke seems way calmer than Tee and Top. The reason why he's acting like he is, is because he is worried about his future as a doctor. I'm pretty sure he knows exactly what had happened, but kept his mouth shut to keep himself out of the trouble.

Plus from the flashback eps so far, Fluke wasn't directly bullying Non, he wasn't stopping the others and was definitely on their side, but he himself didn't really do anything to Non. That makes me think, he just cares about himself at the end of the day and as long as he is not affected, he doesn't care.

Jin is big question mark right now. It's clear he liked Non and never did anything bad to him. I believe he knows what others did, maybe wasn't directly involved, but knows something.

Either that, or I was thinking he perhaps doesn't know that much. He was acting calmly most of the time, wasn't scared that much.

So I'm thinking:

A) he's directly involved in the killing

B) he's not involved but knows he's safe for some reason

C) he doesn't really know what exactly happened to Non and has no reason to be scared

I really wonder. And I really wonder what his connection to Phee really is.

That gets me to Phee himself. He was Non's lover. So he has a huge motive to get his revenge. But again big question mark.

I also think it's possible that Phee is not involved, but only joined the group to find out what happened to Non. That's why he was asking a lot of questions and wanted to see the tape/video.

It's also possible that Phee is involved somehow.

We probably learn this in the next ep, but I wonder if Jin and Phee knew each other before the Non disappearence. There are some hints that either one or the other is involved, but not both (they were alone for quite some time, never talked about anything sus, which they probably would since it would be ideal time to plan something more).

I think they might have met before Non disappeared, found comfort in each other, most likely really fell for each other (Jin was the one who wanted to get their thing further, Phee said no originally, but during the coffin scene, the way he was looking at Jin, I think there are some feelings, plus the way he told Jinn "I will protect you" like don't tell me he doesn't like him at leat a little bit) and Jin might have helped Phee get into the group. Here it would made sense that Jin wouldn't know what exactly happened and he would get Phee in to help him find out the truth.

And if one is involved with the killing, the other just doesn't know.

They both could be calm just for the reason they know they didn't do anything to Non.

For remaining two characters, White and Tan.

White doesn't seem sus from what we seen, however in one of the trailers, he was wearing the same uniform as Phee in the flashback, so probably him and Phee knew each other prior to joining the friend group? But so far White wasn't really doing anything sus, so it's really a wild guess right now. I just want to see how had he ended up with Tee, if it wasn't his secret plan, because how would such a sweet guy fell for arsehole like Tee?

Only thing that's kind of big question mark is the fact that White was affected by the ghost thing too. Like really strongly. So one wonders what his involvement really is. (Tan and Phee weren't affected, which makes sense as they are not involved at all and did not harm Non).

Tan is a mystery. We haven't learned much about him yet. I wonder if there will be some great reveal about him. He's the most likely candidate to actually be New, Non's brother, but honestly, he didn't do anything sus to make me believe he's involved. Except a little itch during Top's disapperance but I'll talk about that a little later.

Now I want to talk about something I probably haven't seen anyone talk about.

The posibility that none of the boys is involved directly. I'm not saying they couldn't know what's going on, but none of them being the killer.

How I got to it? Simply, that one of them is behind it was my first thought when Por got hurt and someone had to be there when he got injured (we got confirmed that someone cut his arms and then brought the knife inside, plus he clearly saw the masked man). First thing, that can tell who could have done it, is who is missing an alibi. So where was everyone when Por got hurt?

Tee and White were together doing couple stuff.

Phee and Jin were together doing fwb stuff.

Top, Fluke and Tan were together in the living room waiting for Por to get others (they said they sent him to bring other boys to the living room).

See? All of them have alibi for that time. And if one of them was alone, they would clearly questioned it. (since they were looking for Por and wondered if anyone saw him).

For Top's disappearance, all of them were in the house, only Tan was with Top. That obviously means that Tan could do something to Top. But they still definitely saw the masked man before Top crashed the bike. Yes, Tan could've moved Top, drug him (I prefer the explanation that he was drugged, rather than being possessed as some people are suggesting) and then pretend he disappeared when he was unconscious, but he couldn't have appeared as the masked man and definitely couldn't have ensured that Top will crash the bike at such a convenient spot, close to the shrine (or whatever that builidng is).

So that makes me think that the killer is some ninth person (which is literally the premise of the show) with possibilty of Jin or Phee knowing what's going on (especially since the killer had the opportunity to get them in the coffin, but just left them be). The ninth person could be New (Non's brother) or maybe Keng (the teacher, he's defo acting sus and I wouldn't be surprised if he was behind something sketchy as well) or even someone else they just asked for help (I wouldn't be surprised, they are not afraid of plottwists in this drama, hell I wouldn't be shocked if Non is actually alive and it would be him all the time).

What is clear is that it has to be someone familiar with the script Non wrote (masked man, similarity of attacks, connection to the cult) and someone who knows that Por, Top, Tee and Fluke did something to Non, while also knowing that Phee, Jin, Tan and White (possibly?) are not involved.

And by the way, them seeing the ghost and seemingly supernatural stuff could be just case of something called "mass hysteria". Basically group of people being scared/affected by something they all believe it's true to the point of having the same hallucinations/visions.

I'm sorry for making this long and blabbering this much. I don't even think anything of this might be true 😅

(I will probably update this after each episode from now on, because why not actually).

Thank you for reading this, if by any chance you got all the way here.

Have a lovely day!

#dff #dead friend forever #dff the series #dff spoilers #thai drama #thai bl

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macabrecake · 2 years ago

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THAT SENT TOO EARLY SEBIWBW7DB HELLO, CAKE, im invading your inbox to request a smol blurb of re6 Leon and fem! Reader where reader is a rookie and Leon is vv protective of them and when Leon thinks reader is accidentally killed but turns out to be okay, he kisses her or sumn idk im blushingbsjwbwebeu

HAHAHAHA HI LYN and oh shit oh my fucking god u H- You're an amazing writer I've been saying that since I first met you (Eros Trials bby godDAMN) so for you to send me an ask that's also RE6 Leon? AAAAA I'M DEADASS GOING TO PASS AWAY 😭 but I'm gonna try my best so here we go!

In the DSO, Leon is known as one of the best agents who gets his business done with complete professionalism, not without some slight snark on the side of course.

He's also kind of your bodyguard of some sort.

He still has no damn clue how you did it, though. After all, you're just a rookie who happened to take a shine to him. Following him around like a lost puppy that's so young, and bright, and eager to try your best. It's like looking at himself in his rookie years. Ok, sure he'll offer some sagely advice in the hopes you don't turn out like him.

And sure he'll accept your company, it's greatly appreciated on the days when work was slow anyways- maybe he'll wait a little until he knows it's you coming. Listening to the sound of your heels lightly tapping the floor along with your voice softly singing whatever tune is stuck in your head that day. But he never meant to get this attached.

Now it's meeting up for coffee on weekends just to chat about everything and nothing all at once. Now it's him stepping in as your shield when other co-workers try to shake you up just because you're the newbie. Now it's his heart stopping because he just watched your body fall limp.

"Y/N!"

God, why did he have to get so attached?

It was your first mission out in the field. You, Leon, and Helena just landed in China- more like crashed. Where you met up with Agent Sherry Birkin and Jake Muller. You've heard about Sherry before and was already aware of her and Leon's history as survivors of Raccoon City. Jake was new though, would've liked a more proper introduction if not for the sudden appearance of the Ustanok.

The behemoth had downed Helena and would've most definitely killed her if you didn't act fast. Before your brain could scream that this probably wouldn't be a wise choice, you gunned for it. Quickly climbing up it's back you start shooting, stabbing, kicking, anything that would buy her some time. It did work, a little too well. Helena managed to clear off but you weren't so lucky when the Ustanok grabs you and tosses you like you weighed nothing more than a bag of bread.

Your world blurs with the sudden velocity, everything too loud to focus on as the wind rushes past your ears, until your back harshly meets one of the shipping containers with a loud bang. Delivering you a stark contrast of sudden silence and darkness.

It's unclear how long you stayed like that until a deep, frantic voice pierces your unconscious veil. "Come on baby girl, get up..." Your body moves but you can't tell where or from what. "Don't do this to me- please!"

Your eyes flutter open with a groan as your hand comes up to hold your aching head, "Did anyone catch the number on that truck?" You weakly ask. Vision focusing on a familiar pair of deep, fear ridden, gorgeous blue eyes shrouded in shiny golden locks.

It sinks in now how close Leon is to you. You can feel his body heat as he holds your smaller frame snuggly against him. Shielding you once again but so much closer than normal. You're worried he's gonna be mad about your stunt and yell at you so you try to soften the blow with a timid, "I'm sorry."

What you get in response instead, is the agent's shoulders loosening up with a sigh of relief then-

Pure plush warmth and spearmint.

You don't get a chance to register or reciprocate the small, but passionate, kiss Leon lays to your lips before he's pulling away as gently as he gave it to you. Leaving you rather dumbfounded but holy FUCK are you fully awake now.

"Did you just...?" You start, hoping he'll answer for you. What you receive instead is Leon's usual little smirk as he stands up and offers a hand to help you up. "Maybe, but you mind holding that thought until we get out of this?"

You giggle and accept, letting him pull you up to your feet with ease and follow him back into the fray.

Your giddy little smile matching his.

#I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG 😭😭😭#time management and I don't get along #but I hope you enjoy! <3 #leon kennedy #resident evil #resident evil 6 #re6 leon #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy x y/n

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flip-flop-lover-will-byers · 2 years ago

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Ok so now that I've had the chance to sleep on it-

1) Our predictions.....weren't actually wrong. I distinctly remember predictions that Will would try to hide his feelings and matchmake mlvn. That's what he did.

2) The general consensus was that Will's painting would be given as a "friendly" gift, not meant to confess his love. Mike himself, however, would be aware that this was the painting Will was making for "a girl he likes". So Will would have inadvertently revealed his feelings.

Uhhhhh so Will went several steps beyond that and DID present his painting as a romantic gift, from El. The crux remains the same. Mike now has two versions about who the painting is for/from. He's one brain cell away from figuring it out.

Actually Will has kind of fucked himself over pretty badly. There's no doubting the painting's romantic connotations now. Mike needs to mention the painting to El just once and it's game over.

3) People predicted mlvn comeback based on the Stancy comeback coz "it's a cycle" and here we are.

Is it a cycle? Idk. There are some insane parallels between Vol 2 and season 2. Entire dialogues straight from the previous seasons but spoken by different people.

4) even now, after Mike's confession, after sacrificing at the alter of gay heartbreak....mlvn still doesn't work. El is still not talking to Mike. Why?

Is Mike right? It's because she's never failed before? First, shouldn't she be seeking COMFORT from Mike if that's the case? Yanno, if their relationship is so great. Second, she seems able to talk to other people just fine....is it because she feels like she failed Mike specifically? Mike who calls her a superhero at every chance he gets. Great. Relationship.

Is Mike wrong? Is she angry because she knows now that she doesn't deserve to be reduced to a superhero? She knows she's not the monster, but does she know she doesn't have to be the superhero? That's unclear. If she does, then it makes sense she's pissed at Mike because he's apparently incapable of seeing her as anything but a superhero.

If she doesn't.... it's ok she'll get there I think. But then why is she angry now? What other reason could she have? Few possibilities- she knows he's lying, she's annoyed anyway at the superhero thing, she's just grieving, etc

5) no ily from El. Also note- no ily between Lumax (they were gonna go to the movies tho 🥺😭👀) or Jopper. Who DOES say ily this season? Eddie and Dustin. Jonathan and Will. And Mike. It's those season 2 platonic vs romantic parallels all over again.

6). Mike. I....don't understand anything with Mike. So he couldn't say ily to El because he was afraid she wouldn't need him anymore? Didn't Vol 1 demonstrate to him how much she did need him at that time? Did he not feel needed enough when El was sobbing in front of him, the day after a terrible terrible bullying incident, asking him if he loved her?

By all rights, if THAT was his problem, it should have been solved during that fight scene. But it makes sense that it didn't- Mike sees El as the superhero. Does El the teenaged girl need him? Eh. Does El the superhero need him? I gotchu babe here's my ily to give you the strength to fight on. Fulfilling the role yet again. Typical of him.

Not to mention- he's afraid of losing her coz he's just "some nerd" in the same season where he seemingly had accepted and taken pride in being a nerd for the first time (have you considered that we don't want to be popular?). That makes sense.

7) Vickie-Mike parallels for what??? The fact that even now, the Byler subtext continues to fucking exist. That last scene. Wtf.

8) Ironically, Will is the one pushing for mlvn the hardest this season. He's ripping off his bandaid and BEYOND. Wounding himself to get it off.

And yet. Even with a freaking "love confession" their relationship still isn't all that romantic this volume. They reunite, and Will is framed between them (Robin parallel). Immediately followed by an EQUALLY heartfelt reunion between El and Will.

They get to the Surfer Boy Pizza Place, and Argyle interrupts their conversation before it can happen. Mike was gonna say something- the much awaited ily? A mention of the painting? El says she missed him. I only saw the scene once but idk that sounded like a very break up tone to me. I am rooting for you girl. Dump him.

Then the monologue. The "Mike gets kicked into action when someone he loves is in danger" moment. Except apparently the kicking was actually done by Will. Mike's confession, that is drawing from Will's confession, that he thinks is El's confession. What a mess.

9) And what a mess that confession is. I get a strange surreal feeling when I think about these three this volume. As if Will and El are merging into one. Will who expresses his feelings through El. Mike who I'm really fucking confused by. And El who has no idea anything is going on between Mike and Will (or just Will) at all, but seems to be pulling away from Mike for some other reasons.

10) Mike tho.

Where did his feeling "afraid to lose her" coz she "might not need him anymore" come from? El needed him, she adored him. It was clear to see the second they met at the airport. But Mike thought he lost Will. Mike thought Will was painting for a girl (it's not my fault you don't like girls!).

WHERE did Mike's fear of El not needing him come from?

So he's been thinking a lot about how he stumbled across her because of dumb luck. Except that wasn't exactly it. Mike stumbled across her because he was looking for Will.

So Mike's life started the day he met El. The day Will disappeared (I'm the only one acting normal here! Im the only one who cares about Will!). But he remembers the day he met Will on the first day of school. Maybe my memory is just bad but I definitely don't remember a lot of stuff from before I started going to school. Mike's memories of his life most probably literally start around the time he met Will.

She was wearing yellow, and he knew he loved her the moment he met her (You were alone too. It was the best thing I'd ever done). Sorry, I'm of the opinion that S1 mlvn was the best mlvn....and yet. It's the same season where Mike was perfectly ready for El to be taken back to "Penhurst or wherever she came from". It's the same season where their relationship parallels freaking Dustin-Dart from S2. The season where the whole "am i your little pet" thing originates from.

It's just...it's weird. So weird. Is he just saying shit? Does he believe what he's saying? Is it just me, or is he seriously projecting? Idk idk idk.

At this point it's not even about Byler or mlvn for me. I just need things to make SENSE. Some consistency PLEASE.

This can go two ways- either there IS a payoff for all this. Neither mlvn nor Byler feel fully resolved rn, and maybe maybe maybe there is a resolution coming. Maybe there are answers coming.

Or, maybe not. Unfortunately it's not exactly rare for big shows to lose the plot after a while (👀GoT👀) and maybe that's it. That's the answer. Things aren't gonna make sense anymore. Things aren't gonna pay off. Narratives destroyed for the sake of making it more palatable to the larger audience.

We can only hope, and I will (cautiously). If not this, we still got MC!Will coming. If not THAT, I want fanfic writers to start writing villain!Will fics immediately. Also AU slow burns. I love AUs and Byler needs more AU slow burns pls. If canon has forsaken us then forsake canon! I'll give prompts.

#Byler #gay mike wheeler #will byers #st4 spoilers

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forestlingincorporated · 4 years ago

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I wanna talk about Janet Drake

I’m not against exaggeratedly evil versions of Tim’s parents, tbh. It’s fanfiction, if we can depict an Exaggeratedly Good version of Bruce (which we can, and I do, and I love) then we can depict the Drakes as Exaggeratedly Bad. As someone who personally identifies with Tim, and his brand of complicated parental abuse in particular, I find it cathartic to uncomplicate that abuse and rescue him from the Obviously Evil Bad People.

That said, since much of comics lore is passed down word of mouth, the oral tradition surrounding Tim has developed this idea of Janet as The Worse Parent between her and Jack that was never really present in the comics. We see much LESS of Janet, and we have 20 years worth of comics depicting Jack as a neglectful hotheaded idiot who ultimate does love his son. More importantly, Jack isn’t very much LIKE Tim, so there is a habit to attribute Tim’s traits to his mother... and, as someone who really really identifies with Tim, Tim has... some negative traits. Tim can be a bitch sometimes. He’s fiercely intelligent and sweet and kind, with a strong sense of justice, but he can be cold and judgmental and unthinking - he fights those traits, but he does have them.

And it is perfectly fine to depict Janet that way. I’ve enjoyed depictions of Cold Calculating Janet Drake, but it’s not the ONLY option, and I want to challenge fans to consider different avenues. Tim could pick up these traits from anywhere: a nanny, Mrs. Mc Ilvaine (”Mrs. Mac”), a teacher, tv, Sherlock Holmes novels, Bruce Wayne himself. Tim is capable of not being like EITHER parent.

So, what do we KNOW about Janet? (I’ll also touch on Jack, but only in scenes he appears with Janet.)

When Janet was first introduced she was depicted as a gentle but “modern” woman. This was written in 1989, told by a 13 year old Tim, so this theoretically was meant to take place in 1979. I’m not here to give a lecture on the history of sex discrimination in the united states, but much of the legislation protecting women in the workforce or surrounding women’s bodily autonomy would have been very very new in this initial depiction.

Here, Janet is shown to be encouraging, emotional, maternal, and projects her own feelings onto Tim. Jack is shown to be slightly sexist, possibly discouraging, but not overbearing. And the artist is shown not to know how to draw children.

To insert some speculation, I think it’s important to note all the Drakes witnessed a terrible murder/accident that day. I point this out, because this is the last time Jack and Janet are depicted this way. It’s possible they changed as a result of this event specifically.

However, this is also a story being told by Tim. It’s also possible these events aren’t really “real” at all, and Tim is misremembering what his parents were like as a three-year-old, possibly projecting a more palatable version of his parents into the narrative. This is entirely up to personal interpretation.

In fact, the Drakes are shown in Legend of the Dark Knight attending Haly’s Circus, and the artist knows what a toddler looks like and they’re depicted as already having a slightly strained relationship. Jack is clearly on the defensive, and Janet seems to be passive-aggressive, though she could just be attempting to explain the situation to her toddler honestly. The intended tone isn’t especially clear.

I do want to point out, in this depiction, Tim isn’t being carried like he was in the previous one. He’s walking ahead of his parents, which isn’t a terrible horrible crime, but could be dangerous in a crowded place like the circus. Might be a subtle hint to his parents overall neglect.

Back to A Lonely Place of Dying, in Tim’s memories of the night he discovered Robin and Dick Grayson were the same person at nine-years-old, his parents are home, and watching TV together while Tim played... trucks, idk, in the living room with them. (This is semi-interesting, because you could say “oh, Tim liked vehicle toys as a kid” or you could extrapolate that this is another subtle indication of Jack’s sexism, providing Tim with appropriately “boy toys.” Either interpretation is valid. If Tim was assigned female at birth, would they have been given “girl toys,” or allowed to play with whatever they wanted?)

This is, to my knowledge, the only panel of the Drakes when Tim is between ages 3 and 13. They’re all together, which might indicate that the Drakes were home more often when Tim was 9, only later going on business trips when Tim was “old enough” but...

This is Tim’s boarding school when he’s 13. While most boarding schools in the US are for grades 9-12, Tim is clearly not a freshman at age 13; look how much younger the other kids in this panel are. In the US, the youngest you can attend most boarding schools is 7.

That means Tim could have begun going to boarding school anytime between 7 and 13. He most likely spent all of middle school in boarding school, at least. There are an almost infinite number of possible ways the Drakes handled having a business that required lots of international travel, an archeology hobby, AND a very young child. Janet staying home until Tim was 7, 11, 13, is equally possible as the Drakes having a nanny until 7, 11, 13. Tim just doesn’t talk about that period of his life very much.

(”What about Mrs. Mac?” - it is unclear when Mrs. Mac begins working for the Drakes. We only see her when Jack comes out of his coma. She could either be a long standing staff member, or a recent hire.)

Note: I’ve seen it said that it’s canon that “According to Tim, when his parents were home, they made a point to try and include him in their activities, bringing him along to events that were normally adults only.” I have never seen this panel, or I don’t remember it, so I cannot confirm, but I also cannot debunk this because... comics.

By the time Tim is 13, Jack and Janet are away on business trips a lot, with limited communication, and no firm return date. If I’m feeling generous, I’d say it was harder to communicate internationally in 1990 than it is today. If I’m not feeling generous, I’d say the Drakes are extremely wealthy, and international communication was easier than ever before in the 80s and 90s. They’re not even going home to see Tim in a week or two, they’re going home and calling Tim at boarding school in a week or two.

Even Bruce thinks its weird, though he doesn’t say so to Tim’s face. It’s written almost as if Tim’s parents’ neglect was meant to be a plot point that just got forgotten about.

Tim’s parents are fighting at this point (their poor assistant), but Janet still goes with Jack on these business trips. And she’s clearly involved in the business, somehow, but the comics never SAY what Janet’s JOB is. We’re told Jack is the exec, but Janet is ONLY ever referred to as Jack’s wife, though they’re later described as the “heads” of the company, plural.

Just to be clear, this is Jack’s business. There’s a perception that Jack is a bad business man because he and Janet fight over company decisions, and Jack looses the business after Janet dies, but Jack looses the company YEARS after Janet dies, and maintains it for about a year after No Man’s Land at that. We’re not told how Jack looses the business, but he’s got to be doing something right. Janet isn’t necessarily the “real brains” of Drake Industries.

And I’m not... gonna... touch the... exploitation and racism because... I’m not qualified to do that. But, here’s the panel. The Drakes sure seem exploitative and racist in their business decisions. Someone else can... analyze that with more nuance.

Regardless how how long they’ve been fighting, when their lives are in danger, the Drakes fall back into a loving husband and wife. Their marriage may be falling apart, but they do care about each other.

I want to show these panels because it shows that Tim and Jack do have things in common. They’re both level headed in a crisis and can be somewhat cold in their practicality. Janet meanwhile and silent. Jack is later willing rant and rave at their captors, but Janet remains silent.

That is, until they’re alone, and she finally lets herself fall apart.

God, Jack can be obnoxious. Janet just looks miserable and resigned. I actually think Tim takes after his parents in this respect in equal measure. Tim can have a temper, but he can also be fairly melancholy and defeatist.

Jack keeps reminding Janet to be strong and in control, which could be period typical sexism? But Jack seems so practiced and ready with the words of encouragement, and with Tim’s history with depression, I wonder if Janet has an inclination towards it as well.

As the end approaches, when Jack brings up Tim, Janet seems to have a lot of regret. She talks about “wasting” the good things, and I don’t think it’s too big of a stretch to assume she’s talking about time spent with her only child.

From this point on, Janet is at times spoken of, but not seen. Like here, when Jack says Janet wouldn’t approve of him and Tim being so “far apart.” He says this after he tells him he takes back his threat to send him back to boarding school, which might imply Janet was against the idea of boarding school? Though she obviously lost that argument when she was alive.

Jack will of course renege on this later, but that’s Jack Drake for you.

Or here in Tim’s illness induced dream, where he gets everything he wants. Though, since this is a fantasy of Tim’s, where his father and girlfriend are both more accepting and understanding than they are in real life, I would take this depiction of Janet with a grain of salt.

After loosing Drake Industries, Jack thinks about Janet (though, they call her Catherine/Cathy for some fucking reason) during his depressive episode. And... uh...

Hallucinates a Valkyrie???? Is this symbolic of suicidal thoughts, or is she... real? Or is he seriously hallucinating?

Anyway, we’re not here to discuss Jack’s mental state, the fact that he forgot Tim’s birthday, or that concerning “I was going to knock some sense into you but you’re still bigger than me” statement from Tim, we’re here to talk about Janet. And even though this entire arc is about Jack mourning his first wife, they don’t SAY anything about Janet herself at all. I mean, they don’t even get her name right, so I guess what was I expecting.

Then there’s Origins and Omens, which also doesn’t say anything about Janet, except that Tim’s memory of her is faulty - Janet was poisoned, her assistant Jeremy’s throat was slit on television, but Tim seems to have conflated the death he did see with the death he didn’t.

The only piece of canon to suggest that Janet might be cold, is Tim compares her to Thalia. And even then, he’s really just saying Janet was protective of him. It’s kind of a scary look to make at your kid, but Bruce does the same thing, so.

I do want to say... it’s not 100% clear if Tim is even talking about Janet. He could be talking about Dana. Dana was observably protective of Tim, though I don’t think he’s ever called her mom. He PROBABLY means Janet.

And finally we have Tim visiting his mother’s grave (in a duel Christian/Jewish cemetery, make of that what you will), where Tim says she was “a little religious.”

And that’s it! That is all we know about Janet Drake in New Earth. Hardly the Mom From Hell, but she isn’t perfect. I’d be interested in seeing some alternate depictions of her within the fandom.

I’m still gonna eat up Terrible Parents From Hell like a starving puppy dog, though. Just some food for creative thought.

#Tim Drake #janet drake #jack drake #robin #Red Robin #character analysis

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hertwood · 6 months ago

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NO ONE GETS THIS MOVIE LIKE I DO

cw: i'm talking about a movie w/ a student/teacher relationship

i feel like this lady with an extremely pretentious film, and i dont mean that in a bad way, had to find a way to sell this film for the mainstream when it was never supposed to be palatable to the mainstream. this was supposed to be a cult classic pretentious art film but it had the guy from sherlock and the girl from wednesday so it got all this mainstream attention from people who were never gonna get it!!!

first of all, the age gap. i REALLY thought, by the way ppl were moral hand wringing about this, that there was gonna be like, more substance to their relationship. martin freeman and jenna ortega are both incredible actors who worked incredibly together but even i, a fictional age gap liker, felt uncomfortable so idk why normal got fearing citizens are getting their panties in a twist abt romanticizing unhealthy/illegal power dynamics. the sex "scene" was INCREDIBLY TAME and barely even showed much. i can't believe ppl were writing think pieces abt the age gap when THAT WAS IT??????? WHAT????

OK WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY

from very early on i was struck with the feeling of, this feels like a stage play. it doesn't feel like it's meant to be a movie, its got an extremely small cast, no one talks like a normal person, it's like they're all doing spoken poetry. the sets don't feel real, but purposefully so, like its a set on a stage. IT DOESNT FEEL REAL. but it feels that way on purpose. like it's a dramatic pretentious, poetic retelling of something real. and i think that is why it has so many reviews that it's bad but you dont get it its that way on PURPOSE. and i LOVED that aspect more than anything

there were also just some very very beautiful cinematic shots. i almost wanna make my own gifset even tho its been out for months and i have better things to do bc i feel like no one saw it like i did. they also did this thing where they'd go rly extreme with the focus. the entire background being gaussian blur around a character. 2 character sitting next to eachother swapping focus as the scene needed. it rly made it all feel small and contained.

MORE THAN ANYTHING. I LOVE MORAL AMBIGUITY.

i love it when movies dont tell you who's right. who you're supposed to feel bad for. all the characters (except winnie) kind of suck in one way or another and its up to the viewer to decide how to feel. both mr. miller and cairo feel like both victims and perpetrators at the same time and YOU have to decide who's side you're on!!!! at the end of the day, obviously, OBVIOUSLY, the adult, the teacher in this situation has a responsibility to not let any of this happen, its HIS fault, but i really love that they showed cairo as a person with agency in the situation she was in.

and, looping back to the sex scene, they make it entirely unclear whether anything actually happened between them, or if it was just a fantasy she had!!!! and i love that!!!! you as a watcher have to decide if you believe, her, the narrator!!!! did they kiss? did they have sex? or was it just a student teacher friendship that maybe blurred some lines but nothing physical happened? YOU HAVE TO DECIDE. THE MOVIE IS NOT GIVING YOU AN EASY ANSWER.

(while this is all subjective), from my perspective, the movie makes it clear that he wanted her, EVEN IF its unclear if anything happened. will you condemn him for wanting it. is that bad enough, even if he never acted on it. does he deserve what he's getting, even if he didn't do anything physical, even if he just wanted it?

and how much are you going to judge her??? for her part to play in it? she's 18, and he certainly has the power here, but that doesn't mean she can't be judged for her choices. are you judging her, for pursuing him, for wanting him? for kissing him first, for retaliating when he rejects her? she's not presented as a perfect victim, and she played an active role in what happened. if this was real life, would you defend her wholeheartedly? and once again, do you believe her as the narrator? did they really kiss in the rain outside her parent's mansion? did they have sex on her fancy bed? or was that just a fantasy she made up? THE STORY IS NOT TELLING YOU WHAT TO FEEL. YOU HAVE TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE TO THINK ABOUT IT.

at the end of the day, i dont know. and thats what so great i get to sit around and think about it. maybe watch it again, i still have to decide how much was real!!!!!!!!!! and thats wonderful!!!!!! and because it feels like a stage play and the dialogue feels like poetry and the shots feel so artsy its that much harder to decide what scenes were real and what, if any scenes were just a made up fantasy in the narrator's version of the story.

its meant to be ambiguous. its not meant to feel satisfying when he gets in trouble for it all. it's not trying to be a romanticized problematic age gap love story and its not trying to be a satisfying evil man gets what he deserves story. it's something entirely different. its a pretentious morally ambiguous weird uncomfortable art film. and i love it

love when i'm watching a flopped movie and i can just feel. oh i'm aboutt to defend this movie. i can feel it. in a hour and a half i'm gonna have a speech about how everyone else is wrong i can feel it in my bones

#cw grooming #it should go without saying that in real life i would always 100% believe the student in this scenario. just to be clear.#but i am defending this movie like hbomberguy defends pathologic. its a masterpiece TO ME #also jenna ortega and martin freeman are such good actors OH MY GOD they were insane for that #she speaks

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