#also i feel like shauna is the only one who could do it when they were at their worst during the second winter | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rhiannonsknife · 3 months ago

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Hey I love your fics! Could you possibly write a part 3 of "is it casual now" where the reader is seemingly moving on from Jackie and it's driving her crazy.

Like she'll leave you notes to come over and watch in absolute shock as you toss them in the garbage.

Or maybe you're getting closer to someone else on the team and she watches you slowly start to show up at games more for someone else who isn't afraid of being close to you.

I feel like it would drive her crazy if it was Shauna because that's her best friend and for once she feels like she's in second place to her.

Or Nat because Jackie sees her as a burnout with a lesser reputation so she feels like she's losing you to someone she sees as lesser than her.

── SECRETLY HOOKING UP WITH JACKIE TAYLOR 2

— summary: secretly hooking up with your teammate. masterlist.

— warnings: fem!reader. mean!jackie. implied internalized homophobia. cheating. toxic relationship dynamics. angst. miscommunication. some nsfw content. so: mdni. again: this takes place at the end of the last year of Highschool. all characters in this are 18+!!

jackie, who only ever wants things to be done on her terms.

so, as established: she sets the tone early: “this doesn’t mean anything.” she’ll remind you after every single interaction, voice steady, like she’s trying to convince herself rather than you. “we’re just having fun until we leave this town! it’s not- i’m not- i’m not…gay, or whatever!” but the way her gaze lingers after you kiss tells a whole different story.

jackie, who pretends not to care but acts insanely territorial with you all the same.

she would hate to put a label on what you have, but she also hates when anyone else so much as looks at you. if one of your teammates compliments you after practice, she’s quick to steer the conversation back to herself, casually draping her arm over your shoulder when no one’s looking. this is obviously contrary to her constant claims of things only "being casual".

jackie, who tries to tell herself that it doesn’t matter when she feels you pulling away.

she’s always been good at hiding her feelings—until her constant lies start to wear on you. sure, you knew it was only supposed to be a one-time thing, but it’s exhausting to watch the girl you’ve clearly fallen in love with return to her boyfriend after every hookup. jackie pretends not to care, even convinces herself she doesn’t, but it still stings. slowly watching you toss aside the notes she leaves in your locker and ignore her usual late-night calls (the ones that used to be your signal to come over) cuts deeper than she’ll ever admit.

jackie, who is insanely jealous.

seeing you getting closer to someone else, (at the same time as you seem to lose interest in her) especially shauna, unravels her. she becomes hyperaware of every glance, every shared laugh, every subtle touch. it feels like a constant stab to her ego. she starts showing up to practice early just to see if you’ll walk in with shauna. and if you do, her mood is already ruined before the session starts. she’s curt with shauna, from this point forward, snappy during drills, and visibly distracted during scrimmages.

jackie, who’s genuinely desperate to “win you back” without even noticing herself.

i mean, it’s only normal that she misses someone she used to spent all of her time with, right? it’s normal to think about you all the time, especially when she’s having the worst mediocre sex with jeff and starts to picture you instead, right? surely, everyone does that!! jackie continues to leave secret notes in your locker like she used to, but you don’t respond the way you used to. when you toss them without reading them, she’s stunned and, yet, even more determined. she starts lingering near you after practice, finding excuses to talk to you, hoping you’ll give her a hint that you’re not over her yet. if you walk away, (specifically if you call for shauna to wait up) she’ll stew over it all night. even in games it’s not the same as it used to: jackie tries to make sure you notice her. she’ll play harder, score more, and make dramatic plays to catch your attention. if she scores a goal or makes a killer assist, she’ll glance at you first to see if you’re watching.

jackie, who’s simply not able to get over the shauna factor.

she’s in bed, late at night, unable to find sleep. instead, she’s overthinking every single interaction. it’s not like her at all to overthink. sure, she worries about her reputation -more than she cares to admit- but she’s also well aware that she’s in a secure position in the school’s hierarchy. she shouldn’t worry about your opinion. she shouldn’t worry about what you seem to see in shauna, of all people. jackie pretends like it doesn’t bother her, but everyone notices that something is off between her and shauna: she’ll act cold towards her or start throwing subtle shade in casual conversations.

jackie, who tries to get a rise out of you in return.

fed up with herself and her own reactions, jackie decides to give you a taste of your own “medicine”: she starts flaunting her relationship with jeff more than usual, hoping to make you jealous in return. she’ll sit on his lap at parties, laugh loudly at his jokes, and make sure you can see her holding his hand from across the room. but it doesn’t have the effect she hopes for: it only makes her feel more hollow. more empty. whereas you’re long used to the fact that you will never be jackie’s first choice. you can’t even pretend to be surprised that she’s letting it show now that you're no longer giving you the attention she wants.

jackie, whose behavior is affecting the whole team at this rate.

when you start openly cheering on shauna or someone else on the team, jackie will become more competitive. she’ll try to outshine them in every way, subtly one-upping them during games or practices, hoping you’ll notice. the rest of the team starts to pick up on the tension between you, jackie, and whoever you’re gravitating toward. nat might roll her eyes at her possessiveness or pull you aside: “look whatever the fuck is going on with you and taylor” she hisses. “you go talk to her”. laura lee tries to mediate in her gentle way, while taissa, ever the practical one, will tell jackie to “get her act together” before she messes up the team’s chances at state.

yet even if jackie does pull you aside after the rest of the yellowjackets insist on you guys sorting your shit out…

…it’s to no avail. jackie might corner you after practice, her frustration finally spilling over. “what are you doing with her?” she demands, her voice sharp. “you don’t- you don’t even like her like that!” and still: she’ll go back to jeff the next day, pretending like nothing happened. pretending like she didn’t let her guard down, in a way, and showed you the jealous side of her she’d been trying so hard to hide.

jackie, who can’t stay far from you.

and, truthfully, you can’t stay away from her either. the two of you always gravitate back towards the other, whether it’s any good or not. having her, if just for one short moment, seems worth all the hurt it’ll cost. it starts out innocently enough, anyway. too innocently. you’re both in the locker room after practice, the last ones there. you’re at your locker, focused on packing up, and jackie lingers just a little too long. “you were with her the whole day. again.” she points out, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. when you don’t immediately answer, she takes a step closer, her voice dropping. “do you really think she gets you the way i do?”

you try to walk away, tired of her games and afraid you’ll tell her something you might regret, but jackie’s hand catches your wrist. it’s not rough, but firm enough to stop you.

“jackie don’t,” you warn, but your voice isn’t as steady as you’d like. her grip softens, her thumb brushing against your skin. it’s such a small, familiar gesture, and yet it is pulling you right back in.

the tension only builds as she steps closer, her voice barely above a whisper. “i can’t stop thinking about you,” she admits, and her vulnerability catches you off guard. for once, jackie isn’t trying to be in control. she’s just laying it all out there.

before you can respond, or even take it all in, her lips are on yours. the kiss is desperate, messy, and filled with weeks of pent-up frustration. you know it’s a bad idea, but it’s the only thing you know how to do. and it doesn’t stop with that kiss, either. it never does. you find yourself pressed against the cold metal of the lockers, her hands gripping your waist like she’s terrified you’ll pull away.

jackie is on her knees before you even know it, pulling down your shorts and underwear all in one go. when she puts her mouth on you, she’s the one who moans, her eyes rolling back in her attempt to look up at you. it’s a rare occasion for jackie to be on the giving end, to begin with, but the way she eats you out that day will stay with you -forever the best head you’ve received. it’s quick, it’s hard and fast, and so good.

the whole thing is rushed and reckless, like you’re both trying to make up for lost time. but afterward, when you’re catching your breath and fixing your clothes, reality starts to creep back in. jackie’s eyes are on you, wide and uncertain, as she gives you some space, like she’s just as scared of what this means as you are.

jackie, who falls back into old patterns with you like you were never even gone from her.

after that first moment, it’s impossible to stay away. she’s not willing to lose that little you've had ever again. jackie starts leaving you notes more frequently again. not to confront you this time, but to arrange secret meetups. you read every single one of them in spite of yourself. “behind the bleachers after practice” “jeff’s busy tonight. come over.” all signed off with a loopy -J. it is almost like the conflict never even happened. almost, because you’re not just sneaking around for fun anymore. you’re both purposefully avoiding confronting what’s really happening between you, instead focusing on the new intensity of each hookup: the way she’ll whisper your name under her breath when you make her come undone on your mouth, the way you desperately cling to each other as you both try not to be the first to stumble over the edge, the way she’ll ask you to say things to her, claiming that they don’t mean anything. (“tell me you want me. tell me you need me”. “promise me this isn’t the last time”. “tell me you think about me when you’re all by yourself”…)

jackie and you both fall into a constant state of pushing the other away and pulling them right back in.

every time you tell yourself it’s the last time, jackie pulls you back in. she knows exactly how to break your resolve by now, whether it’s a soft look during practice, brushing her fingers against yours when no one’s looking, or whispering your name in a way that makes your knees weak. but it’s not one-sided: jackie tries to pull away too, telling herself she needs to focus on jeff and her perfect life. and yet, the second she sees you laughing with someone else who’s not her, or notices the slightest change in your demeanor, her own resolve shatters and she has to drag you into an empty room to remind you that you’re hers by shoving her hand down your pants.

jackie, whose anger starts to turn into passion.

it should piss her off, really, how she can’t even be angry at you without simultaneously wanting you. she’s been aware of the effect you had on her, subconsciously, at least. yet the anger had always been hers. a small act of rebellion against her confusing, unbearable feelings for you. now, even her rage is yours. the tension between you two doesn’t just show up in quiet moments: it explodes in arguments. “you don’t own me, jackie,” you snap at her and she fires back, “you don’t get to move on like this”

“move on from what?” you’ll then scoff, thinking you have her. she’s the one who claims that she doesn’t want you. she’s the one running back to jeff.

yet it all ends the same way: you never get your answer, instead, jackie kisses you mid-sentence, silencing whatever protest you still had. and, as much as you hate to admit it, it works. she has you on your knees for her in no time, lapping up her arousal while she’s got her head thrown back in pleasure, a hand clamped over her mouth to stifle her sighs.

jackie, who always finds ways to keep you around somehow.

maybe it’s because she’s jackie taylor and there’s never been anything in her picture-perfect life that she couldn’t have. but, no matter what, she’s got you wrapped around her finger. there’s no way out for you. you’re pathetic, and the worst part is that you know damn well, and yet you’re still willing to go this far for her. in school/public in general, jackie is the ultimate golden girl: polite, charming, and always keeping up appearances. however, when it’s just the two of you, she’s all quiet desperation and need, pulling you into closets or sneaking you into her car just to feel close to you. whether she’d ever admit it or not, jackie loves the thrill of secrecy.

jackie, who starts bending her own rules.

she’s the one who set the “no strings attached” boundaries, but now she’s the one struggling to keep them, the closer graduation gets. it’s in the little things: at a party, she grabs your wrist a little too hard when you try to walk away from her. “we need to talk,” she insists, dragging you into an empty room. she doesn’t seem to care that someone might notice you leaving together; she just needs to feel like she still has control. but her desperation is palpable, and for once, she doesn’t even try to hide it. the truth is, you’re the only thing that feels real to her. and, with the final weeks of school fast approaching, jackie begins to realize how close she is to losing that. her jealousy, her need for control, her denial: they’re all spiraling out of her grasp.

jackie, who’s so clearly falling in love with you, who has known this from the start, and is still in denial about it.

she notices everything about you, from the way your nose scrunches up when you’re thinking to the way your laugh sounds when you’re genuinely happy. maybe it’s because she’s staring at you 90% of her time, whether it’s in class or during practice. she won’t ever say it outright, but she loves how your presence makes her feel grounded. around you, she can be herself without all the pressure to keep up her reputation. if anyone ever notices though, jackie will instantly turn them down. maybe it’s tai, who obviously knows a thing or two about hiding, or shauna who is noticing that something is off with her best friend and that you seem to have something to do with with. either way, she turns them down without batting an eye: “me and them? you’re crazy!” she laughs with a dismissive wave of her hand. later, when it’s just the two of you, she’ll look at you with guilt in her eyes. “you know i didn’t mean it, right?” jackie will ask softly.

jackie, who is stuck in a never ending cycle.

the two of you aren’t exactly compatible…turns out it is worse when you fight, though, so it’s seemingly easier to try and avoid conflict and go back to how things were: sex and hookups with “no strings attached”. you know it’s messy and complicated. it’s pointless, even, considering you’re well aware that you’re in love with her. but something about her keeps you coming back, no matter how much it hurts. you won’t be able to ignore your feelings for jackie forever, but you will for the time being if it means you get to have her temporarily.

jackie, who wants to make things right, but doesn't know how to.

even when things are going well, she finds ways to mess it up. after a particularly tender moment between you, she’ll say something cutting, something meant to remind you (and herself) that this isn’t real. it couldn't be, could it? “you know this doesn’t change anything, right?” she’ll say, her voice cool and detached. by the time she sees the hurt flash across your face, the damage is already done. you’re the only one who knows the jackie beneath the perfection: the girl who’s scared of not being enough. she’s terrified you’ll leave her for good, but she doesn’t know how to ask you to stay, either. it's why she does what she always does: to push you away first. it’s like she doesn’t know how to be with you properly. jackie tells herself it’s because it’s nothing serious, but the truth is that she’d never been in love before: with jeff, it’s only easy because she doesn’t want him like that. she doesn’t want him at all. it’s easy because she doesn’t care about him the way she should. with you, she doesn’t have to pretend, the care comes naturally, against her own will. no rule or boundary could stop the way she has so hopelessly fallen in love with you. and, deep down, jackie knows that. she knows that she’s fucked.

— okay, so, i have no idea where i’m going with this but with the amount of requests i’ve been receiving for another part, i’m pretty sure this won’t be the last one in this series. if anyone as any more ideas/thoughts on this whole scenario: feel free to share them!! <33 other than that thank you for reading! i promise i hear how much you guys love the jackie angst!!

#˙💌 ̟ !! ─ my works #˙🔞 ̟ !! mdni #jackie taylor #jackie taylor x reader #jackie taylor x female reader #jackie taylor x fem!reader #jackie taylor x you #jackie taylor headcanons #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #yellow jackets x female reader #yellow jackets x you

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mayasaurusss · 3 months ago

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TRANSFEM VIRGIN JACKIE TAYLOR X READER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Transfem virgin Jackie Taylor blurbs

Contains: transfem Jackie, smut, 1700 k words blurb.

A/N: I'm so sorry to have delayed this for so long anon😥. I promise that next time I'll do it quicker and also more explicit🙇‍♀️

It's not as explicit as my other recent Lucy nsfw blurb, but I hope you guys will enjoy it still!

P.s i know that's Rhiannon in the photo, just pretend it's Jackie alright?

Jackie who survived the wilderness, who has come out of it scarred and traumatized. She has seen death and famine, and her personality and mental health become severely affected. She is introverted, shy and her outgoing personality has been frozen under pain and nightmares.

But she pulls through, and manages to go to college like she had wanted. She thinks that she can make a new life for herself, but as it turns out, college life isn't what she is supposed to be: making friends is hard, exams are tough and her professors are just shitty people. After all she has been through, she doesn't think that she'll be able to have any friendship ever again, not like the one she had with Shauna, anyway.

She doesn't have any roommates until you show up. One day you just barge in her room, suitcase in hand and say "I'm your new roommate!". Truth to be told, as much as she wishes for a friend, Jackie would rather have some peace and quiet. That's what she says to herself anyway, until your company starts to grow on her. She didn't really understand how lonely she was. You guys start to spend your nights together, playing card games, chit chatting, watching movies on Netflix and so on. But slowly, something happens to Jackie's heart. Nothing major, of course, but she feels...weird. Why does her heart throb when she sees you? And what about the butterflies in her stomach? Why is she jealous when other guys and girls flirt with you? And why is she so damned angry at you for not realizing their intentions?

Maybe she is just envious or jealous, but the thought of other people trying to get in your pants makes her angry. For a while, she thinks she's being unreasonable: you are her first friend after the incident; of course she'd want to gatekeep your relationship. And after all, she seems only to attract people who will hurt her and who she will hurt. She distances herself from you, thinking that maybe "I'll be a bad influence, I should just leave them alone". But then one day, she makes a connection.

You have been gone to class for half of the day, leaving her alone inside your dorm room. She needs a little bit of space, and she has been stressed for a while.

She watches as two women grind against each other's bodies on her phone, their skin sweaty and their kisses passionate. One of them pulls out a strap and ties it to her hips, sinking it inside the other's. Jackie sits underneath her covers, stroking herself, curling her fingertips downward at the base, when a thought flashes inside her mind. "Wish we could do that..." and her brain immediatley swaps the bottom's face with yours, interchanging you between the dominating and the dominated. Her heart races, thoughts of you two on her bed, together, grinding against each other... and then kissing tenderly after all is done, giggling and falling asleep together. The feeling inside Jackie's heart is warm, so good that it makes her ache. And as she comes down from her high, she puts two and two together: she has already felt this way once, long ago in the cold of the wilderness, and recalls the pain of how she felt when she had-. Jackie stops and understands, an almost guttural "Fuck!" comes out of her throat.

And as if the situation is not bad enough, you come in a few minutes after her little panic attack. She's still naked underneath the covers, goosebumps travel along her skin when she sees you coming in. She makes an effort in justifying why she was naked underneath, "I just sleep this way when I'm hot, you know?" you make no remark on how it's november and her covers aren't warm enough to sleep under unless she wears something, but oh well.

Jackie who feels embarrassed to masturbate from then on. No matter how hard she tries, you're inside her mind, constantly. She tries to muffle her moans on her covers, stroking up and down her length with you sleeping soundly on your bed. You'd be horrified, she thinks, at the images she has of you in her mind: above her bouncing and with your hands at her throat, beneath her on all fours, cuddled in her arms while she moves from behind...

Jackie who has a hard time going to her lessons because no matter what she does, you just seem to not get out of her head. She needs you to have her in your arms, kissing her. Who has to go out of class early to take care of her little problem.

Jackie, who feels bad about masturbating with you in her mind, who feels dirty and unlovable as she does so, but she can't help it, her body can't help it. And all the while, a little voice tells her that "You're not good enough" and "They won't love you, How could they love you of all people? She didn't love you, he didn't love you; why should they? ".

Jackie who steals glances of you, imagining your hands on her chest, your lips on hers. Who yearns to kiss you so bad it hurts. Who has to go to the bathroom at least once per night whenever you two are spending time together. You don't know what she is doing, but shrug off your concerns.

Jackie who finally gets caught by you. You stand outside the doom room, listening to the sounds coming from the other side. Moans, groans, wet movements and little slips of your name here and there make it obvious to you what Jackie is doing. You slip inside the room, as slowly and quietly as possible, watching how Jackie is bucking up in her hand, hips chasing upwards the feeling. You smile, deciding to approach her with a simple "Hey" but your voice gives Jackie a small heart attack and she shouts, covering her body as best as she can, leaving her chest out in the open and her legs uncovered.

"How...how long have you been there?" she asks, blood freezing with shame and mind racing, trying to understand if you've heard her say your name. "Long enough to understand what's going on" you sit on the bed, too close for her liking, giving her a knowing smirk that she already knows the meaning of. "You were thinking about me, weren't you?" her body stops, missing heartbeats and air. She can feel tears prickling at her skin, but you quickly say to her "I-No Jackie, I liked it". From then on, you tell her how you wished to do the first step, but how you were always so scared that she might've not liked you, how you yearned for her lips on yours. The moment you two are done talking about your feelings, you all but leap into each other's arms.

Jackie who can't help but get hard almost instantly. She can feel blood traveling through her veins, pooling at her crotch, warming her skin and flesh. Who will have to clench her hand around her cock to ground herself, to avoid cumming just from kissing you. She will feel so good from just kissing you that a drop of cum falls from her slit, signaling just how full she is, ready to let all of her pleasure out.

Jackie who feels so incredibly good when you ignore her cock and press two fingers beneath her balls, mimicking fingering her. She's already so hard as it is, and your actions only serve to egg her on more.

Jackie whose hands are shaky as she undresses you, full of eagerness and craving every part of you. Who, as soon as your chest is naked, will plant wet open mouth kisses on any inch of your skin, feeling your muscles harden against her ministrations.

Jackie who will climb on you, cock pressed between your and her stomachs, grinding back and forth. Who will get off like that, grinding on your stomach. Who will spend her time under your crotch, head pressed in between your hips and the mattress. Who will feel euphoric and decide to not touch herself in any way.

Jackie who's cock throbs in need, tip and balls red as she desperately tries to hold it in, wanting only your hands on her.

Jackie who confesses, as you are about to push her length in, that she is a virgin. She sweats and apologizes, already ready for you to leave her hanging, but then lets out a loud gasp when she's finally stilled inside of you.

Jackie who trembles as you ride her into oblivion, hands shaky gripping with force at your sides, short of breath and eyes rolling backwards. She has never felt this way with anyone else, not Jeff nor Shauna, just with you. It's euphoric, it's amazing, and she doesn't wish you to stop anytime soon.

Jackie who has very low stamina but a super high libido. She'll release the precum already five minutes after you start to bounce on her, staining white the condom she wore, panting like she just crossed the line in a marathon run. You haven't even cummed yet, and as you're about to hop off of her, she grabs your hips again and mumbles incoherently, grinding you back against her as she starts to harden again.

Jackie who at one point, decides to move you and fuck you from above, fingers gripping the sheet near your head. She moves erratically, gasping and panting and moaning, her hips pushing into you at a speed you didn't even know she was capable of. Her cheeks are as red as a tomato, lips coming to settle on yours as she moves back and forth, back and forth.

Jackie who, when she cums, sees stars behind her eyelids and feels like she's about to faint.

Jackie who falls asleep almost immediatley between your arms, snoozing off with the knowledge that she has finally found someone to rely on.

#yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you #jackie taylor x you #jackie taylor x reader #smut blurb

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lyjen · 7 months ago

Text

North West Corner | Part 2

Summary: After the reveal of (y/n)’s pregnancy, she gets put on light duties. A few shifts after the factory fire, Evan gets shot on duty. Can (Y/n) herself and her body handle the amount of stress it gives her?

Request

Taglist: @oliviah-25 @shauna-carsley

<< previous chapter | 9-1-1 Masterlist

__________________

A smile was spread across Evan’s face, even his eyes were smiling, he had this kind of sparkle in his eyes that made him look like a little boy in a toy shop. His eyes were locked onto his girlfriend, who was just arriving on scene in the ambulance.

Since the factory fire and the incident happened on the scene, Bobby had made the choice to put (Y/n) on light duties. Not only because she had a heart attack that day, but also because she was pregnant. And with light duties they meant: (Y/n) would switch places with Chimney.

Chimney usually would be Hen’s partner, helping her with victims and treating them. But now that she couldn’t risk doing heavy lifting, and running into burning buildings, they had no other choice but to switch.

She would be further away from the action, the work she loved the most and she may only know the basics, but she would learn during the process. But at least she could still work and make herself helpful on scene.

“If it isn’t my favorite temporary paramedic” (Y/n) could hear the oh so familiar voice say as it came closer with every word. She smiled and shut the passenger door with a bang. She turned around and walked towards the back of the ambulance, as her eyes slowly wandered from the ground to Evan walking towards her.

“Really? You just had to put that word in front of it, did you?” she laughed as she felt his arm slowly being placed onto her shoulder.

“What? I meant it in the way that you’re coming back to truck, eventually.” He said. But when he didn’t receive an answer he tried to talk it right, again. “I mean after you give birth to our mini (Y/n) of course.” he continued, and pressed a small, but warm kiss onto the side of her head.

(Y/n) opened the backdoors of the ambulance and she broke free from Evan’s arm around her shoulder, and stepped inside of the ambulance. “How are you so sure that we’re getting a daughter anyways? Maybe it’s a mini Buck” (Y/n) said as she got a pair of blue gloves out of a box.

“I googled for signs you’re having a girl. And a lot of those things they said are things you have or had.” Evan says as he quickly slipped out his phone and started scrolling and showing (Y/n) the website. In the meanwhile (Y/n) was busy putting everything she needed on the gurney.

“Like here, you suffered morning sickness during the first twelve weeks. You had that. And oh here, you’re craving more sweets..” he was rattled. He was so enthusiastic, he couldn’t hear her. “Buck..” she said in a warning tone. “And another one is, You’re more moody.” But suddenly he stopped, he saw the way (Y/n) looked at him and shook her head.

“I’m sorry.. It’s just.. I just know we’re getting a girl! I can feel it.” Evan says with a smile on his face, it looked like he just won the lottery. He felt a little guilty for calling her moody, but those were just the facts. But that wasn’t the reason she called his name with that tone.

“You know what I can feel? You, being up on that aerial in a minute.” Bobby’s voice spoke, the lottery winning expression on his face disappeared within less than one second as he could hear his captain's voice in his ears.

Evan closed his eyes for a second as he let his lips form a thin line.

Busted.

”What are you chit chatting for? There’s a building on fire and a man stuck on his balcony. Let’s go!” Bobby said as he clapped his hands together.

He collected all his confidence and turned around. “On it cap!” Buck said as he started to jog towards the truck. But stopped as soon as he took two steps, and turned on his heels again. He ran back towards the rig and he stepped in the ambulance. “I forgot something” he said and pressed a kiss onto her cheek as she placed another medic bag on the gurney.

His lips disconnected from her cheek as he now, carefully stepped out of the back of the ambulance and ran towards the truck. The aerial was already being sent up towards the right balcony where the man was waving.

“What did he need?” Hen said as soon as she appeared in the opening of the ambulance. “Oh you know, he keeps telling me we’re having a girl” she said as she shrugged her shoulders. It was something she was used to now. From the moment she told him she was pregnant, he told her he was sure she was having a girl.

“He’s holding on to that huh?” Hen laughed. (Y/n) nodded, as they rolled out the gurney. Hen pushed the button to make the legs of the gurney extend and to touch the ground. “You have no idea” (Y/n) spoke and hopped out of the ambulance.

Hen started to wheel the gurney towards the triage as (Y/n) quickly closed the back doors, and jogged to catch up with Hen.

“I’m here and ready to go!” Evan said as soon as his legs stopped moving and he grabbed his helmet out of the compartment. “Are you sure? I can go up too.” Eddie said.

“Nah you went last time, and I’m pretty sure Cap will kill me if I’m not on that ladder in a few seconds.” Evan said with a laugh. Eddie nodded at his answer, and made a gesture with his arm to tell him that it’s all his.

Evan placed his helmet onto his head and patted it. He made his way up the roof of the truck and he started to climb up the aerial. After a few steps he gestured towards Eddie, who was at the panel to move the aerial if he needed to, to move the aerial a little more up. “A little higher Eddie” he spoke through the radio as he made the gesture. “Copy that, raising the aerial” Eddie copied through his radio.

He held onto the two railings to the side as Eddie moved the aerial a little higher. He made a fist, as soon as it was the same height as the balcony of the man. “That’s good Eddie, going to the victim now” Evan spoke into his radio and let go of the speak button.

“LAFD, hold on sir. I’m coming to you.” he said as loud as he could, to make himself audible for the man on the balcony. He holds his hand out, with a flat hand, trying to gesture to the man to tell him to keep calm.

The man on the balcony couldn’t get out by the rescue squad since the hallway of his level was completely on fire. There was no getting through, so they sent the aerial up, including Evan.

He was a few steps from helping the man on the balcony as he heard a loud bang echoing through the skies.

(Y/n) gets pushed down by her shoulder as soon as she hears the bang through the air. “Firefighter down! I repeat, firefighter down!” her brother’s voice roared through the radio. Her stomach turned as she heard Eddie’s voice ringing through her ears. His voice was full with agony, terrified.

“Buck..” she mumbled as she locked eyes on the aerial and saw him lying flat onto the ladder. Without thinking, she stood up straight and wanted to make her way towards the truck. But after not even three steps, an arm stopped her in her tracks. “Are you insane! You’re staying here!” Bobby said as he held an arm in front of her body. Telling her not to go any further.

“With all due respect, the father of my baby is up there. Injured. You can’t just expect me to stand here and do nothing.” (Y/n) hissed back at Bobby.

Evan’s vision was blurry, a force sent him forward, causing him to slip and slide a few steps down. But his hand was right now holding one of the steps. A torturing pain was burning in Evan’s chest, but the adrenaline made the pain bearable.

He was lying flat onto the aerial, holding on as his feet were blindly searching for steps to give his chest some rest. As soon as his feet found one of the steps of the ladder, he looked up to the balcony, which was now further away than he was a few seconds ago.

His eyes locked with the man’s eyes who was standing on the balcony. But not even two seconds later, Evan saw a bullet flying through the man’s head. Causing him to fall.

A man was shot through his head, right in front of his eyes.

His ears were ringing, he could hear his own heart beating like it was trying to break free from his chest and his breathing was zooming through his ears. Everything around him sounded dull. As if he was wearing headphones without any music.

He could hear muffled screams, people telling others what to do, just pure panic.

Evan wanted to move from the aerial. But he couldn’t move. The only thing he could do was lie flat onto the aerial ladder and watch at the now empty space where the man was just a few seconds ago. He was zoned out, gawking. He needed his mind and body to catch up with whatever was going on.

“Come on.. Come on..” (Y/n) murmured as she watched her brother climbing the ladder, trying to assist Buck down. When she sees Eddie reaching the top of the ladder truck, pushes past Bobby, whose arm was down again, not blocking her way anymore.

She quickly runs towards a gurney which was not being used, and runs towards the side of the truck where other firefighters were helping Eddie to escort Buck down to the ground.

He carefully gets put onto the gurney, as she quickly grabs his hand and squeezes it. His eyes were closed. She was praying, please don't make her do chest compressions on him. “Buck, can you hear me?” she sounded as Hen carried a medic bag and got out the scissors, to cut open the fabric that was covering his chest. “Buck!” her voice was trembling, filled with adrenaline and fear.

But then his eyes started to flutter open. “Are…are you hurt?” he stumbled in a whisper. He was fighting to keep his eyes open. “What? No.. No.. I’m fine” she answered, he got hurt and this is the first thing he’d ask her? (Y/n) brought his hand closer to her and pressed her lips on the top of his hand. Telling him she was there, with him.

She could see Evan’s eyes rolling. “I know you’re tired. But I need you to hold on. Stay with me!” She said as she placed his hand next to his body onto the gurney. “No exit wound, the bullet is still in there.” She concluded as she pushed him up a little. Hen reached out and passed (Y/n) gauze, to keep pressure on the wound.

Hen put the medic bag onto the gurney between Evan’s legs. (Y/n) stepped onto a metal beam from the gurney, to be steady enough to keep pressure on the GSW. They rushed the gurney towards the ambulance as (Y/n) kept the pressure firmly on the wound.

The gauze she was holding onto the wound was becoming soaking wet with his blood. With one hand she kept the pressure on as she found a new package of gauze. With her mouth she ripped off the top of the package and got out the new piece. She was sure she let the package fly somewhere on scene. But that didn’t matter right now.

She felt Evan’s hand touching her arm, slightly. His grip went looser, and looser. Until his hand wasn’t holding her arm any more and started to fall down onto the gurney again. “Buck?” She called out his name. She noticed his eyes rolling to the back of his head. “He’s losing too much blood! We’re losing him!” She said, or actually kind of screamed.

(Y/n) pressed her fingers against his neck, as she tried to find a pulse. She felt a lump in her throat. Her heart was beating so fast, it was like she ran a marathon and it was getting harder for her to breathe. “I can’t feel a pulse!” She yelled. “Hen, I need you to keep pressure on the wound” she ordered.

Just as those words fell off her lips, they stopped at the back of the ambulance. (Y/n) didn’t even think for a slight second, she just threw her leg onto the gurney as she sat on top of him. She intertwined her left and right hand over one another, and started chest compressions.

She knew she shouldn’t be treating Evan. She was too close to the firefighter, but so were the rest of the team…And sure they could argue with her, but they already knew she was going to tell them the exact same thing. You’re family too.

The gurney got wheeled into the ambulance as (Y/n) was pressing the palm of her hand against her boyfriend's chest, trying to get his heartbeat back. “Come on, don't leave me like this!” she cried as she pushed with every bit of energy she had left in her arms.

It looked like an addiction, giving him chest compressions. She wanted him to come back so badly, she didn’t see what was happening to herself. She was losing herself.

“You’re not leaving, you hear me?” she sobbed as she felt the tears falling off her cheeks, down onto his revealed chest. ”You’re meeting your baby girl which you’re so convinced we’re having.” she continued. With every push she felt the energy being sucked out of her arms. But she needed to keep on going. She wasn’t stopping until he was back.

“She needs her father!” She cried out.

After dozens, maybe hundreds of chest compressions, the longest five minutes of her life came to an end. The ambulance pulled to a stop, as (Y/n) kept on going. She didn’t even feel them wheeling the gurney out of the ambulance. She was too focussed, too desperate to get him back.

“(Y/n)” Eddie said as he touched her arm, which she yanked away. “Diaz” Bobby said with a warning tone. But it was like no one was getting through. Like she had turned off her hearing. Like she was in her own world.

“Eddie take the otherside” Bobby ordered (Y/n)'s brother. He didn’t have a choice. Bobby’s hands and Eddie’s curled around her upper arm as they pulled (y/n) from the gurney. It was the only way..

“No!” she screamed on the top of her lungs, like she was being murdered. “I need to save him!” She sobbed. She didn’t even have the energy to stand on her own two legs, she had put all her energy into chest compressions. It was like she turned into some kind of monster.

All she wanted was to save him, like he saved her, countless times. And now it was time for her to save him.

(Y/n)’s body bungled in between Bobby and Eddie. When her knees touched the ground of the hospital ER, she fully broke down. She felt like she failed him. Why wouldn’t his heartbeat come back?

With her arms curled around her knees, she was sitting in the waiting room, on one of those shitty hospital chairs. She may be sitting there physically, but if you looked at her, it was almost like you were looking at a ghost. She was broken. She had lost her spark. Which is not really that weird after seeing your boyfriend being shot, and you tried for minutes to get him back to the world of the living.

(Y/n) was looking outside, seeing countless ambulances stopping and dropping off patients while the rain ticked against the glass window. Her stomach was hurting, probably because she didn’t eat for hours now. It would go away eventually, she figured. And her lower back was killing her, probably because of the way she was sitting for an hour straight. But it was the only position that was kinda comfortable.

“Here” her captain’s voice filled her ears. Her eyes followed his voice and found Bobby who was holding a cup of water. Since she was pregnant she couldn’t drink more than one cup of coffee, or rather no coffee at all.

She turned her head away from Bobby and continued to look outside of the window. “I’m not thirsty” she said coldly. She could hear Bobby let out a small sigh, as he took place in the chair next to her and placed the cup of water on the small table in front of them.

“You went all out there, didn’t you?” Bobby said as he gave her a few seconds of silence. She slightly shook her head, leaving a silence. “And yet…” she started, biting her upper lip to try and suppress her cry. ”I still have the feeling I failed.” she continued as her eyes began to water again.

“I couldn’t get him back Bobby, I tried. Maybe if I-” (Y/n) couldn’t finish her sentence or Bobby interrupted her. “Don’t do that. Don’t think about the things you could’ve done differently or didn’t do.” he said, as he looked to the side, trying to catch her eye. “What I do know is: that you kept him alive until we wheeled him in here.” he continued as he saw her press the palm of her hand onto her forehead.

“But that’s-” she stumbled, as she realized the words Bobby just said. “Wait. Did you just say.. Is he..” Bobby stayed silent as he slightly nodded his head. “Alive” he finished her sentence for her. “He’s getting prepped for the OR” he continued.

She pressed her eyes closed as she let out a relieved sigh. A tear escaped through the corner of her eye as she just tried to catch her breath. (Y/n) felt a warm touch on her knee. A small huffled breath broke free from her mouth as she tried to keep it together.

Bobby let her cry, for a few minutes, giving her the time she needed to let this news land. Until his voice broke the silence. “Listen.. why don’t you go home, and try to get some sleep. So you’ll be here when he wakes up from surgery” He suggests. She wanted to tell him no. She wanted to tell Bobby that she wasn’t able to sleep anyway. But her body was exhausted, and staying here would only give her more pain. Her body was telling her to take a break, there was this annoying pain creeping in on her lower back and her stomach was starting to scream even more.

“I don’t even have a car Bobby” she tried to use as an excuse. She didn’t care if she was in pain, she needed Evan to be fine. And the only way to know as one of the first persons if he was okay, was by staying here. In the hospital waiting room. “The ambulance is out of service, I can ask Eddie to bring you home.” her captain suggests. He looked her in the eye for a response, which was a small nod. “That would be nice.” she whispered. Bobby’s lips pressed into a thin line as he tried to send her some kind of smile. “Okay, I’ll be back in a minute.” he continued as he received her answer.

Secretly she hoped that the ambulance wouldn’t be here anymore, or that somehow they runned out of gas. But she knew that would be a long shot. (Y/n) let her eyes follow the raindrop on the window, trying to kill time. As she could hear the ribs of Evan snap in the back of her mind, bringing her thoughts back to the part where she was doing CPR.

“I can’t feel a pulse!”

“Come on! Come on! Don’t leave me like this!”

“You’re not leaving!”

“She needs her father!”

Her body flinched at the sudden touch on her shoulder, she yanked her head to her side to see who was touching her shoulder. “Sorry, I didn’t want to startle you” her brother’s voice said. She quickly wiped her tears away with the sleeve of her shirt. “It’s okay” she said, which sounded more like a whisper. “You ready?” he asked her, as he held out a hand in front of her. She looked at his hand as if she didn’t know what to do with it for a second, but nodded. “Yes” her voice spoke softly. She loosened her arms around her knees, which were still against her chest.

She accepted Eddie’s hand, and stood up from her chair. Her brother grabbed her turnout coat from the chair she was sitting on, and led her towards the exit of the ER.

She hated it. It felt like a walk of shame, even though she knew it wasn’t. Every single person in the room was watching her. It made her feel so little.

(Y/n) stopped in her tracks towards the exit, as she spotted Bobby with his cup of coffee in his hand. “Please, promise me you will call me. I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the night or while I'm on the damn toilet. You call me, okay?” she told her captain. He placed his hand on her upper arm and gave it a slight squeeze. “I promise.” he said, “Take care of yourself okay?” he continued. She tried to send him a smile, but it’s hard to smile if you can’t find anything positive in the moment. She turned away from her captain and followed her brother outside to the ambulance.

______

The car ride was silent.

She didn’t feel like talking. She was just staring deadly out of the passenger's side window most of the ride. (Y/n) could feel Eddie’s gaze, burning into the side of her head. Constantly checking in on her.

“He’s going to be fine (y/n). I mean it’s Buck.. He pulls these kinds of stunts all the time.” Eddie’s soothing voice filled her ears. She turned her head towards her brother while she leaned her head back against the headrest of the seat. “I know.. But this time it just feels.. different” she stumbles.

“You’re scared to lose him, I get it.” Eddie said.

“You know, I always make up those kinds of scenarios.” She started as her fingers were beginning to pick the dead skin off her fingers.

“What could happen on a call... I always imagined he could die because he’s surrounded by a fire and can’t get out, or he runs out of air in his oxygen tank or hell he falls through a roof while venting a building. Thousands of scenarios in my head, but none of them involved him getting shot on scene.” her voice continued as she looked down at her fingers.

Eddie doesn’t have the words to answer that. So he decides that it’s best for him to stay silent, and give her the time to express herself as he drives to her apartment.

“So yes, I am scared of losing him. I’ve always been scared to lose him. But this time it feels different because I’m pregnant. And he would not only be leaving me. But also…” she reaches out to her lower part of her belly. “this tiny human” she sighs as she lightly touches her stomach.

A silence took over the room. Eddie was already relieved that his sister was actually talking. Something she didn’t do for hours in that waiting room. He noticed her looking outside most of the time. But he figured it would be best for her there and then to have some alone time.

Her hands wandered back to her lap. “God, he wants to be a dad so badly..” she sniffed as a small smile appeared on her face. “This morning before this.. everything. He told me he knew for sure that we were having a girl.” She continued. She could see his perfect smile and the enthusiasm taking over.

She stopped talking as she noticed how she was starting to rattle. She looked in front of her, as she evaluated what happened in this moment. “I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I’m telling you all of this..” she sighs as she shakes her head.

“No, don't be (y/n). Look, a lot has happened today and you just needed to vent. And that’s okay.” Eddie says as he turns the steering wheel, as he drives into her street. “You’re my sister, and I want you to feel safe, to feel like you can tell me everything.” He continued as he quickly looked at her and his head went back to the road.

A moment of silence fell, but Eddie decided to break the short silence, to try and make the conversation a little lighter. “To be honest, Buck already has a lot of practice with parenting since he adores Chris. So you don’t have anything to worry about.” He says as he glanced a smile at her.

A small smile and grin fell off her lips, as the ambulance pulled to a stop. “Your destination ma’am” he smiled as he put the handbrake on.

“Thanks Eds” she stumbled as she looked out of her window to the door of the apartment building. Her hand was placed on the door handle, ready to pull it.

But then she let go of the handle and quickly turned her body around.

Her arms locked themselves around Eddie's neck, pulling her brother close to her body. He was surprised by the sudden hug by his sister but he didn’t pull back.

She squeezed her eyes closed as she felt Eddie’s arms lock around her back and his hand calmly stroke over the back of her head. This is what she needed after this entire day. A hug.

After she stepped into the dark, empty apartment she let out a sigh.

Everything in here was just another reminder of Evan. She could go anywhere and somehow everything leads back to him.

She shook off her thoughts that wandered back to her significant other, and she flicked on the light switch next to the front door.

Just before she got out of the car, Eddie reminded her to drink and eat something. She told him she was going to be okay, but her thoughts were anywhere but food.

Her boyfriend was in the hospital fighting for his life, and she was back in their apartment trying to get some sleep she knew she wouldn’t and couldn’t get.

(Y/n) walked towards the fridge, but suddenly stopped as the annoying pain began to feel like a sudden stab in the stomach. “What the hell?” She mumbled, as she pressed the palm of her hand onto the core where the pain came from. With her body slightly hanging forward, she remained in the position for a few seconds. Waiting for the pain to stop.

She let out a shallow breath, slowly, emptying her lungs completely. Just as she wanted to continue her steps, she abruptly stopped again as she tried to hum away the pain she felt.

What was happening to her?

(Y/n) groaned at the pain she felt over and over again. It felt like the kind of pain she felt during her period, only ten times worse. As if some kind of war between her intestines was taking place in her abdomen.

With every few minutes, the pain was becoming worse and worse. She decided maybe it was for the best if she lied down on bed. Sometimes it would ease the pain if she was on her period, and since this pain felt the closest to that, she figured maybe that would help.

Every body movement she made, she felt like she was going to break. Not emotionally, but her body. It felt so tense and heavy, and she didn’t want to make it worse. So it took her longer than normally to make it up to the loft where the bed was placed.

She threw her phone on the bed as she laid down onto her side, curling her knees and legs as close to her stomach to try and get rid of the stabbing pain inside. Her arms were locked around her knees and legs, and with every shot of pain she pulled her arms tighter and tighter to try and relieve the pain.

She closed her eyes, trying to keep herself calm as the pain went on and on.

(Y/n)’s eyes shot open as an unbearable shocking pain went through her body. She was in pain, she was scared, she didn’t know what was happening to her, she was scared of the unknown. Tears were creating themselves in her eyes as the stabbing pain was becoming only worse and worse.

She huffed away a lot of the pains, trying to stay calm. But she couldn’t stay calm. She was all alone, while she waited for the torture to come to an end. Which felt like it never would.

Her eyes fell onto the phone on the other side of the bed. She really didn’t want to call her colleagues. They had enough on their mind. Even though they told her to call if something was wrong or she needed someone to talk to.

A sob left her mouth as her hand reached out for her phone, as soon as she got a hold of her phone, her finger hovered over the contacts. Who was she calling? She needed medical advice.

Eddie. Her brother. He was a medic too. He didn’t know as much as Hen or Chimney, but It’ll do.

Her hand tapped onto the contact of her brother, as she laid the phone next to her head. But just as the phone was ringing Eddie, another shock hit her body. She tightened the muscles in her abdomen to get rid of the pain as she turned her head towards her shoulder, trying to suppress the pain.

“(Y/n)? What’s wrong?” Eddie’s calm voice sounded through the speaker of the phone as he picked up the phone. She couldn’t talk, the pain was too much to handle.

Another shallow breath left her lips as she tried to breath away the pain, which resolved in a soft cry out of the pain. “Eddie” she sobbed softly through the phone, hoping he could hear her voice. “Something is wrong” she continued as another cry escaped her lips.

“I’m coming your way okay? Just, hang on.” Eddie says, you could just hear the fear in his voice. “Hurry” she cried out. And with that, the call gets cut off.

Eddie always had a spare key of (Y/n) and Buck’s apartment on him in case of an emergency. He never had to use it, until today.

“(Y/n)?” Eddie’s concerned voice filled the apartment. (Y/n) could hear his quick footsteps tapping over the floor downstairs. She wanted to call out, but didn’t have the energy for it. The only thing she could do is breathe the pain away, and find the most comfortable position (if that was possible).

Multiple times her name fell off Eddie’s lips. The footsteps went up the stairs, as his eyes locked on his sister. Lying in bed, as little as possible. “(Y/n)! Que pasó?” he asks, as he got on his knees next to the other side of the bed, trying to make eye contact with his sister.

The way she squeezed her eyes and the tears streaming down her face told him enough.

“Can you describe the pain you’re experiencing? ” he asks, as he places his hand onto her arm, trying to hush and give her some kind of comfort.

“It’s like someone is stabbing my intestines with a knife and just keeps twisting and pushing it” she groaned at the pain. It took her a while to get through that sentence. “Okay, and is this pain constantly?” He asks her calmly as he takes some time to think.

She shook her head before he could finish his sentence. “Waves” she stumbled as another shock of pain hit her stomach.

“I… I just… I-” she stumbled. “Feel like.. I’m going to die” she tried to finish her sentence while she pushed her arms tighter against her stomach, trying to get rid of the pain.

Eddie’s eyes grew slightly wider as he puzzled the pieces together and realized which way this was going. “(Y/n).. how long have you been experiencing these pains?” He calmly asks, trying to keep himself together. “Since this after-” she stopped mid sentence as she squeezed her eyes closed. “noon” she let out a breath.

“At dios mío… (Y/n).. why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” Eddie sighed. “I didn’t think anything of it” she said as she pressed her arms tighter around her stomach again. Another heavy breath left her lips, as she tried catching her breath. “I figured it was just because of the situation.” she continued.

Eddie collected all his courage. ”(Y/n).. I think you know what’s happening to you.” He says as he just looked at her. Their eyes connected, as she waited for his answer with a spark of hope in her eyes. “You’re having a miscarriage, (Y/n)”

The words she didn’t want to hear, were actually spoken.

She thought about it, but she didn’t want to believe it. Secretly, deep down, she hoped Eddie would tell her there was something else wrong, that her appendix was about to burst or that somehow she had extremely bad food poisoning.

“You see, the pain you’re describing and feeling are contractions.” He explained.

Her eyes grew wide as the diagnosis fell off his lips. Her eyes wandered from her brother, to the empty space next to him. Everything around her was sounding dull as if every sound was filtered out. “No..” she mumbled, as a tear escaped from the corner of her eye. “I’m so sorry (Y/n)” Eddie’s voice echoed in the back of her mind, as he placed his hand onto her upper arm.

Eddie reached out and touched her upper arm with his hand, her gaze slowly wandered back to his. He couldn’t handle seeing her like this. “C’me here” he murmured, trying to keep himself strong. He got on the bed and pulled her in an embrace, locking his arms around her.

Quiet sobs were being released from (Y/n)’s mouth against his shoulder. There she was, rolled together as a ball, being comforted by her brother because she’s about to lose her baby.

This was Evan’s reason to make it back home. Their little family. Which he was so excited about. And she’s about to lose it. Their child. Their son. Their daughter.

______

(Y/n) peeked around the doorframe of the hospital room she was in. She had given birth to the miscarriage, but just to be sure there was nothing else going on Eddie had brought her to the ER.

Since she was a lower priority, she had been sitting there for minutes which felt like a lifetime. It felt like there wasn't an end to this day. Her eyes were heavy, she wanted to sleep so badly, but after everything that happened in these past hours she just couldn’t.

She was a mess, and looked like a walking corpse, as if she came right out of a scene of the walking dead. But with a hospital gown on.

(Y/n) figured it would take a few more minutes or hours for the obstetrician to come back. So since she was in the hospital, she could maybe make the best of it and make a visit to her boyfriend.

Her eyes scanned the hallway if the obstetrician came back or not.

Clear.

She stepped out of the room and grabbed with her right hand tightly the rail on the side of the wall. Her legs were feeling like they could cave in literally any moment, but she needed to find Buck. She didn’t care if she even had to crawl her way back to him. She was going to find him.

After taking multiple random choices of routes, and following signs, she found Eddie in front of a window. Looking like some kind of lost boy, staring into the window.

(Y/n)’s feet trembled as she took place next to Eddie, following his gaze. But as soon as Eddie sensed someone standing next to him, he looked to his side. “What are you doing here? I thought you had an appointment with your obstetrician?” He said confused.

“She had a higher priority call. It could take her minutes, maybe hours to come back.” she said as she just looked at Buck through the window.

He was just lying there, completely still, connected to a thousand different wires and machines.

Eddie’s eyes wandered back to Buck’s body on the hospital bed. The two siblings just stood there, staring in silence for a moment.

“Has he woken up yet?” She broke the silence. Eddie sighed “Uh.. no not yet. They’re waiting for him to wake up from the anesthesia, which could be any moment now." He answered her question.

Another silence hit the conversation.

“I’m sorry” Eddie says. (Y/n) send him a confused look, “For what?” She reacted, she could sense Eddie was having a hard time with his next sentence. “I should’ve gone up that ladder” he said.

She was lost, what is Eddie talking about? “What?” The four letter word fell off her lips before her head caught up with her mouth. “I was ready to go up that ladder. But Buck.. he insisted.” He stumbled, as he pressed his lips into a thin line, trying to suppress the tears that were fighting their way out of his eyes.

“Eddie..” she sighed. “No. It should’ve been me. That way, this all wouldn’t have happened to you.” he said as he pressed the palms of both his hands down onto the railing (y/n)’s hands were resting on.

“No Eddie.” She started as he placed her left hand onto his right shoulder. ”What I did and felt for Buck when he got shot, it wouldn’t be any different if it was you on that ladder. I would’ve done exactly the same.” she continued. “And if it makes you feel better, I started spotting last week. So all of this would’ve happened anyway. It wouldn’t make a difference if it was you or Buck. So stop blaming yourself.” she ended and squeezed his shoulder.

Eddie quickly wiped away his tears as his eyes wandered back to his sisters. She gave him a small but reassuring smile, telling him it was okay. It felt so easy, talking to her brother about her loss. But she feared that if she walked into that room and talked to Evan, she would shatter into a thousand pieces.

“You gonna be okay?” She asked him quietly. Eddie looked through the window again, and back to (Y/n). He gave her a small nod. (Y/n) let her hand slide off his shoulder as she made her way towards the entrance of the room.

She felt a lump in their throat as she stood in the doorway of the room Buck was in. This was the first time she saw him again, after she got pulled off the gurney she was performing CPR on him. She could just hear her own scream echoing in the back of her mind.

Carefully she let her legs walk her towards the bed as she swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat.

She took place in the chair which was standing next to the hospital bed. With her bum she sat on the edge of the chair, so she could reach out to his hand.

With her trembling hand she placed her hand on his, carefully touching his IV. She sighed at the sight in front of her. She let her eyes scan his entire body. “Buck?” She whispered quietly, “I need you.” she said, as her voice broke with the last word.

The tear ducts were open once again. Not even a word could get out of her mouth as she sobbed. She placed her left elbow onto the mattress, as she held her hand in front of her eyes. She wanted to hide, to disappear.

She shed so many tears that her head was starting to create a headache behind her eyes. “Just wake up for me..” she mumbled through her sobs.

A soft groan sounded through the room. (Y/n)’s gaze went back to Evan’s face. His eyes were having trouble adjusting to the light, but rolled his head to his left, to get a better look.

“Hi” he whispered as he opened his eyes wider and wider. A smile appeared on her face, through the tears. “Hi” she gasped.

“Do you remember what happened?” She asks him. As she placed both her hands on his. He swallowed loudly, “Got shot.. ” he stumbled as he weakly brought his free hand to his shoulder and touched the packed wound. He hissed at the pain that went through his body as wanted to place his hand on the wound. “Don’t touch it” she warned him as she grabbed his other hand too and placed it where it was.

Another groan fell off his lips. “Are you hurt?” He asks as he weakly points at the hospital gown she was wearing. She followed his finger. “No.. I’m fine” she sighed. “Doesn’t… explain.. hospital gown” he stumbled.

It was like suddenly she didn’t know how to speak anymore. “I’ve got a.. appointment. With the obstetrician.” she said with pain and effort. “I don’t remember.. we had that planned” he whispered. “No, we didn't have it planned.” she sighed as she looked down to the hospital floor.

“So why.. are you seeing the obstetrician?”

“Because I..-” she barely couldn’t get the words out of her mouth. It made her sick. It made her want to scream. To cry.

She was struggling and Evan could see it. He may have just woken up, and gotten shot, but he didn’t forget how to read his girlfriend.

There was no easy way of saying it. She bit her lower lip, as she gathered all her courage. Her hands were starting to sweat and tremble. A sigh left her mouth.

“I’ve… lost the baby Buck.” and just like that, tears were streaming down her face. “I’m sorry” she cries.

“Oh baby…” he sighed. He wanted to reel her in his arms, to kiss her. But he couldn’t. He didn’t have the energy for it, not yet.

A feeling of guilt creeped in Evan. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you” he whispered, as he motioned at her to come closer. She stood up from the chair she was still seated in.

Evan moved to the side, as he made room on the hospital bed. He patted on the side of the bed, as (Y/n) got on the bed, lying on her side, curled up as a ball again. She placed her head on his chest, as Evan pulled a strand of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear.

He pressed his lips on the top of her head. And murmured, “It’s going to be okay.”

#911 #911 fox #911 abc #911 imagine #buck imagine #buck x reader #evan buckley imagine #evan buckley x reader #evanbuckley #imagine

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shipmansflannels · 9 months ago

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"who asked first" with the yellowjackets

yay! I'm back! the decision to open a new blog just for yellowjackets wasn't easy at all, but since it's been a year since this obsession has barely gone away and I already had an extremely confusing blog with layouts and the like, I wanted to start over with this one. hope you like it. I'll make a very simple and small prompt first, and then I'll make the masterlist and the oneshots/fanfics. stay tuned! sorry for any grammatical or coherence errors, english is not my first language and I'm trying to improve!

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who asked first with the yellowjackets girls...

jackie taylor.

well, if we're going to be honest here, you definitely asked first.

of course, jackie had already been rehearsing for weeks how he would ask you out. but she's obviously a girlfaillure, so you definitely asked first.

it was probably when she least expected it. it could be at soccer practice, or when you were coming home from school together and you had the audacity to ask her to go out with her to some hypothetical and boring place in the middle of the street… whatever.

all I know is that this little loser was eager for you to ask, and she definitely rolled out the classic, "took you too long…"

shauna shipman.

again, you asked first.

shauna doesn't have the social tact to ask you out (she's just like me), and drunk is even worse, so you actually had to make the first move most of the time.

just like jackie, it could have been when she was at soccer practice, or when she was alone enough to vent to her journal and you were able to get close to her without scaring her. anyway, the thing is, shauna was already secretly expecting this to happen (a lot of her journal pages were about you btw), so it wasn't a surprise either when you asked her out.

despite everything, you didn't have any difficulties on your first date. she's pleasant company, I suppose.

natalie scatorccio.

one of the rare exceptions where she asked first.

okay, don't be fooled, either. natalie is very cocky from time to time, but asking to go out with you is definitely one of the times she tends to weaken. so, kevyn probably dared her to do it and she just took advantage of her cooler personality to use it on you.

but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. in fact, it's kind of a good thing (and probably depressing for her) because she only felt like herself when she asked you. I see in nat a huge tendency to ignore some of her feelings, especially when it comes to people she likes.

the invitation was probably also full of teasing on her part, from body language to the words used for it. and somehow she made it look cool and convinced you to accept it.

things that only natalie scatorccio could do.

lottie matthews.

for some reason, I'm 100% sure you asked first.

I know many of us think of lottie as a completely carefree, liberal and often bitchy enough person to ask someone out on a date. but, if we count the pre-crash, I think she was a very insecure person and uncertain of her feelings, more due to the influence of the pills.

so, as incredible as it sounds, you asked first. it was in an extremely relaxed conversation between you that the invitation ended up unintentionally, and she was visibly panicked when she agreed.

lottie is probably the type of person who has a rehearsed speech in front of the mirror while getting ready, and with her enviable style and expensive clothes (some stolen), she would do anything to make your date the perfect date.

taissa turner.

she asked first.

taissa is confident enough to ask you out, I have no doubt about that. but she definitely spent weeks planning the perfect invitation, just in case everything went wrong and she needed to run (just like what happened when she thought about breaking allie's leg before nationals).

anyway, taissa would certainly ask first and it would be quite a surprise for you. taking into account that, from the moment you accepted, you would discover that van also knew about her friend's ideas, and later that half of the team also knew. it would be a shock because you wouldn't understand tai's intentions at first.

but none of them are necessarily bad. one, is that tai was really excited if you accepted, and her anxiety couldn't stop her from wanting to tell the world. two, because she was overly excited that you had agreed to go out with her, and wanted the world to know it as well.

van palmer.

as much as I would really like to prove otherwise, you asked first.

van has the same problem as lottie, but in her case, it's excessively because of the sarcasm jokes and high charisma. she thinks she's being too much for you and that asking for something like that on this level would end up scaring you away.

in the end, it's totally the opposite, but it's going to take van a long time to figure that out, specifically. the invitation would happen when she least expected it, probably when you were feeling confident enough to pass notes to her during classes.

it's a cute invitation, and one that van would hold in question for a long, long time.

misty quigley.

there would be no other answer. she asked first.

misty has no shame in admitting that she has a crush on you. and of course, to ask you out on a date, this shame decreases even more. she doesn't even care if she will be made fun of by her colleagues, what really matters is that she planned everything for you to accept.

and when I say everything, it really means everything.

from the moment she will slide up to your table and quietly ask if you accept, to the tone of voice she will use to persuade your brain to accept, to the place she will take you hand in hand and then let it slide. … she literally thought of every detail.

and, well, knowing misty quigley's ability to create plans, the whole thing worked out… until you figured it all out and admitted that you liked it even more, much to her surprise.

laura lee.

you asked first, of course. there would be no other answer either.

of course, not ruling out the possibility of laura lee asking first, given her hidden impulsive personality, but, in this case, taking the obviousness into account, you asked, and had to be careful with every line said in the invitation.

of course, it needed to be at a time when you were alone, because you were afraid that pressure from other people would make you feel suffocated. this, of course, did not happen. she thought it was a classic weekend outing, like you guys usually did, until she realized your real intentions.

and, truly, at no point did it make her feel restrained or scared. she was ready to be vulnerable and be herself around you, no matter what.

(but, if you casually ask lottie at some point, she will definitely claim that she saw laura lee rehearsing some speeches and compliments for you in the locker room mirror…)

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #lgbt #romance #preference #prompt #jackie taylor x reader #shauna shipman x reader #van palmer x reader #laura lee x reader #lottie matthews x reader #taissa turner x reader #natalie scatorccio x reader #misty quigley x reader

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kanencrow · 4 months ago

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The Father who Stepped up - Shauna Shipman | One Shot

Summary: When Shauna gives birth to her baby boy, she finds herself designating you as 'the father who stepped up' after she experiences first-hand how nurturing you are to something so innocent and defenseless. It helps her simultaneously come to terms with the fact that she's a mother, and it also allows her to realize that she's actually kind of into you, too.

Warnings: Swearing, Suggestive Themes, Descriptions of Cannibalism, Talks of Jackie’s Death.

A/N: All characters are 18+ by default, and the reader is gender neutral (no pronouns were used). I'm tempted to do a part two that consists of more domestic stuff amongst you and Shauna because I don't think I added as much I could've in this one shot, but I'm not sure if anyone would want that, so let me know in my inbox!

Word Count: 10000+

It’s like clockwork for Shauna.

She wakes up every single night, at a time where the sun is completely gone, and the room she’s been cooped up in after giving birth is pitch black. Even the illumination of the moon doesn’t peek through the window, and so it only makes it more difficult for her to function when the almost habitual crying of her son sounds off the moment she preemptively wakes up. It’s gotten to a point where her body naturally rouses a few minutes before the baby starts to fuss – like it just knows that her time for sleep is going to get interrupted. It only makes her all the more frustrated and sad, because she values her rest, and she feels that no one wants to take the time to help her care for him.

Shauna’s sleep deprived and grumpy, even as she gathers her aching body and slowly gets up from the bed she’s practically been rotting on for the past few days. Bearing a child with a body that was weak from malnutrition and lack of water was far worse than any traumatic thing she had gone through in the past. So she can’t help the way she groans and whines while she walks over to the makeshift crib you and Van had put together using sticks, leaves, and rocks. It was a nice gift from the two of you, since it gave her a place to put the baby, just so there wasn’t that worry of rolling on top of him while she slept in bed.

And sure, it made her have to get up more than she wanted, but the thought of losing her son because she wasn’t careful was something that didn’t sit right in her chest. She’d been meaning to thank you and Van for the thoughtfulness, but both of you had been so busy with chores around the cabin – and she could barely walk as is – so it just made the entire task all the more difficult. But with the way neither one of you looked expectant in receiving that form of appreciation, there was a part of her that didn’t find herself rushing in trying to convey how she felt towards the gesture.

Using it was thanks in itself, right?

She expected the baby to start crying the moment she made it to said crib, but all she got as she rested her hands at the edge of the makeshift bed was complete and utter radio silence. She couldn’t ignore the way her heart jumps to her throat, a rush of anxiety coursing through her like a lightning bolt as the thought of him being dead enters her mind, and when she reaches down into the cradle – only to feel nothing but the blanket she laid out for him – it only forces her worry to skyrocket. Maybe she’s dreaming again, having some sort of nightmare about her boy dying, but she can feel the blanket – the soft fleece against her fingertips, so she knows she’s not asleep.

So, of course, that makes Shauna wonder. Where the fuck is her baby?

There’s that flash of an image that courses through her mind – a reminder of one of the night terrors she had in regards to her baby boy just a couple days ago. How she heard his screams and his cries, only to find him being used as everyone’s form of satiation. She remembers their blood smeared faces and red teeth as they chewed and chewed and chewed–

“Shauna?”

It’s like a bullet shoots through her back the moment she hears the softness of your voice fill the otherwise silent air of the cabin. It’s muffled at first, like she’s stuck in a bubble, but then her brain fully snaps out of the weird stupor she found herself in – the one full of fear and anxiety and distrust – and that’s when she suddenly recognizes the incoherent coo of her baby. You took him, she thinks to herself, and there’s a subtle emotion of anger and discontent towards that fact, but she also knows you – even if you haven’t talked to her nearly as much as the others have. Though even then, she knows that you wouldn’t do any of what her mind previously conjured up through dreams and intrusive thoughts.

That’s all it is. Her mind. Playing tricks on her.

Because you’re kind, you’re careful – gentle – and, even if she didn’t think so when she first woke up, you’re sure as hell one of the only people who’s put in a valiant effort in trying to help her. Both throughout her pregnancy, and even now. Unlike Lottie, who acted like the biological father and insisted that her own child was some sort of incoming prophet, that he was going to change everything. But then you just stuck around, acting as some sort of safety net for her when she needed someone or something to fall back on. Because after losing Jackie, everything felt broken, like a train had gone off the rails and there was no way of pushing it back on track.

But then you wiggled your way in, through soft words and empathetic or sympathetic glances, and she found herself letting you step through the tiny door of her heart. Because even though the thought of anyone seeing her as weak or incapable of taking care of herself made her want to recoil and die, she couldn’t deny that she needed it, and she couldn’t deny that she wanted you of all people to help her. And maybe that didn’t entirely sit well in her stomach for a good while – or even now, for that matter. That feeling of distrust towards everyone weighed her down, but you were insistent – in a good way, and so she found herself slowly getting over her own fear for the sake of eventually letting you in.

So she should have known you had taken him.

She forgot.

She could only blame that on her fatigue.

By the time Shauna turned around to look at you, the baby emitted a quiet coo, as his tiny hands reached up and grabbed at your fingers that you blindly wiggled down at him with your free limb. You were cradling him with your left arm, his head propped up by your bicep as he kicked his feet in the form of a stretch, but you were far more focused on the brunette before you, who looked completely distracted. It was hard to see her, but with the moon having peeked out from behind the trees it was once hiding behind, there was a slight glow on her face, which allowed you to take in the way she stood frozen in her stance and just… stared at you and her kid.

The little baby in your arms was none the wiser, clearly in his element and content with using your fingers as his own personal form of entertainment. It helped you focus entirely on Shauna, though, when you tilted your head to the side slightly and spoke up, letting your voice break through the long-standing silence that almost suffocated the air. “You okay?” It was a simple question, but it held meaning, an intention, with the way your tone portrayed a genuineness to it. You were curious – maybe concerned, she wasn’t sure, but when you stepped forward slightly, trying to act as a form of comfort, it helped her confirm the fact that you weren’t putting on a facade, just to make her feel like she mattered.

You actually do think she matters.

She realized that, even with how slow her mind was being.

“I was looking for him,” Shauna managed to utter. The response was sudden, and it almost made you flinch with how she didn’t really try to whisper amongst the two of you. But you weren’t offended, or mad for that matter. Just surprised, if not a little endeared by her lack of thoughtfulness. Because you know she’s tired, and you know that if she was wide awake, she probably would have actually put in an effort in keeping her voice down for the sake of not waking anyone up, or rousing the boy in your arms into a state of panic. But luckily, he’s clueless, stuck in his own little world that consisted of him holding your fingers like they were joysticks to an atari.

“He’s right here,” you quietly assured, after a moment, as you settled your palm against his tiny belly and allowed him to lift your fingers up and down. He was so small, only about a week old, but for such a young little guy, he had been pretty responsive. “I noticed that you haven’t been getting any sleep ever since he came into the world,” you added on, shrugging your shoulders subtly, while Shauna shifted her eyes away from your own to stare down at the baby boy, who struggled to stay awake, as you bounced him slightly in your arms. His eyelids fluttered, and his stubby legs stretched out to hang off either side of your forearm, while you let out the softest huff you could muster, and continued. “I couldn’t sleep tonight, so I wanted to help.”

Shauna hears your words, and she quickly takes them to heart, which causes her brow to furrow in thought, before she lifts her brown eyes away from her son to look up at you instead. “You didn’t have to do that,” she told you, as though she were almost scolding you. But you could only shrug her off with a shake of your head, knowing that she was just saying that to make herself seem stronger. Which – she was strong – but she also didn’t have to be.

Not for this, at least.

“I wanted to,” you quietly mumbled, as you stepped closer to her and sent her a small smile through the darkness of the room. You weren’t even sure if she could see the expression on your face, but you didn’t seem to find it in you to care, when you maneuvered past her and lowered the already sleeping child back into the crib. It forced Shauna to turn her body and watch you, and as you cradled his head and guided it to rest on the little bump underneath the blanket you were laying him onto, it caused her stomach to unintentionally flutter.

She wasn’t surprised that you were so delicate with the boy. Still, it managed to push her into a state of awe, as you slipped your hands out from underneath his body and stood back up to your full height. Through the darkness, she could see the way you stared down at him, admiring the way he peacefully spread out across the blanket, like a little starfish. And his fingers curling into fists were enough to convey to you that he had fully fallen asleep. It meant that your work in helping Shauna rest was done, and as you nodded to yourself and stepped back from the crib to silently make your leave, the brunette ended up reaching out and grabbing a hold of your wrist.

It was surprising to her that you were thinking of leaving without saying anything, but after spending so many months with you in the wilderness, she guessed that she couldn’t be shocked. You’ve always been quiet, always kept to yourself and spoke to others only when they would speak to you. But that was a while back. Now you seemed a little more outgoing, but there was still a subtle shyness to you. Especially with the way you tensed slightly at her touch, and slowly turned around to look at her, as though you thought you were in trouble. However, you weren’t, and you seemed to recognize that when her fingers tightened slightly to squeeze your joint.

“Thank you,” Shauna stated, “really.”

You replied back with a simple nod and a sheepish smile. And that was when she let go of your wrist and allowed you to take a few steps towards the door and exit the room. And even then, you were as quiet as a mouse and mindful of the resting boy in the crib, and she couldn’t help but feel a certain type of way about you in turn.

It was a good feeling, though.

—————————————————————————

It was the crackling of the fireplace that acted as a form of ambiance to your mind, as you reclined along the window-side seat and stared out through the pane of glass. Your legs remained stretched out in front of you, socked feet moving mindlessly back and forth, while the incoherent murmurs of your teammates sounded off throughout the rest of the cabin, accompanying the resonation of wood crackling under intense heat. Snow fell from outside, coating the ground in even more of the white powder that had been nothing but unforgiving for the past two months, and you couldn’t help but wish for spring to come soon because of it.

There was a feeling that settled inside of your chest – intuition – that told you it was going to eventually melt away. Considering how often the sun had come out as of recent, it made sense. But for now, it was still cold, and you were more than happy to stay inside and admire the outer world from the comfort of the building you’ve been living in. Especially after spending the majority of the day doing chores, chopping wood that you took from the meat shed or shoveling the porch with the intention of keeping you and everyone else from being snowed in. Again.

Your cheeks felt frozen by the time you stepped back inside of the cabin, but at least the fireplace was roaring with life, and at least Misty was there to give you a hot cup of water. She always made sure to do her part, and whether it was by helping or speaking up to give some sort of logical statement towards a certain idea or discussion, you appreciated her… quirks and all. And, sure, you would have definitely preferred hot chocolate or tea when she did gift you the treat, but beggars couldn’t be choosers, and so you found yourself feeling thankful either way.

“My god, can you just stop squirming, please?”

Mari’s voice managed to break out amongst the rest of the softer sounds that echoed throughout the cabin, and just from the frustration in her voice, you could tell that she was the one who had been tasked with taking care of the baby. Even after months of him being alive, Shauna still hadn’t named him, and a part of you was convinced she never would, with how her features always shifted into an expression of melancholy and deep, intense thought whenever she scrutinized the face of her child. You could understand that she was still trying to come to terms with the fact that she was a mom, and although you kept a respectful distance – not wanting to push anything or cross a boundary, you did want to help.

You had, in ways that consisted of making sure he didn’t keep her up at night with his crying. You were more than willing to deprive yourself of sleep for the sake of Shauna having her beauty rest, and it wasn’t like the little dude disliked you or anything. He always seemed happy to be in your arms when you paid him a late night visit and moved out of the brunette’s room to go and sit by the window bench. That spot always gave you front row seats to the moon and the way it shined through to act as his personal nightlight, and you cherished the moment, all while you slowly rocked him back to sleep with his head against your chest. But that was really the extent of your aid, other than feeding him or keeping an eye on him when no one else could.

But you did find yourself curious as to what Mari was doing. Especially with the way she huffed and puffed about the baby boy and his desire to wiggle like that of a worm. The thought of him giving her a hard time made you sneakily smirk to yourself as you swung your legs off the bench, and the moment you turned your body to look towards the kitchen, you stood up to your full height, all while your eyes caught sight of the girl trying to put a – poorly made – knitted hat on his head. You weren’t sure who made it, but it certainly didn’t look like something someone would wear. And if they did… they sure as hell wouldn’t be able to make it look good.

Even if it was on someone as cute as Shauna’s son.

He was sitting on the table, and with the way he let out a little whine and grumpily swung his arms up and down, you could tell that he didn't want the hat on his head. But Mari was incessant, muttering something about how it’ll keep him warm, and you could only roll your eyes, as you walked towards the kitchen and scrutinized the scene with an intention of saving the little boy from the girl’s control. Which seemed to go as well as it could, when she eventually lifted her focus away from him and looked at you instead, noticing your presence the moment the floor creaked beneath your feet. It didn’t take her long to let out a huff, before she picked up the baby by his waist and held him out to you as though he was some sort of toy.

“Here, take him,” Mari grumbled, “I can’t deal with it anymore.” Her patience was practically nonexistent, which wasn’t something you were ignorant to. You remembered the time where she almost strangled Travis because he wouldn’t stop complaining the first week you and everyone else crash-landed in the middle of the forest, so it wasn’t surprising that she was experiencing it in the current moment. Granted, you couldn’t necessarily blame her, but maybe she wasn’t the best person to rely on when it came to babysitting Shauna’s kid.

So, you were swift in reaching up and pulling the boy into the comfort of your arms, before you settled him onto your hip, and when he immediately rested his head onto your shoulder and tightened his fingers to ball up the fabric of your Wiskayok Yellowjackets hoodie, you felt your heart swell in your chest, discreetly relishing in the way he seemed so comfortable with you. Mari even seemed to don an expression of surprise herself – with a mixture of jealousy – too, when her eyes glanced down to look at the boy, who made a point to direct his attention somewhere else, as though he was holding a grudge against the girl in front of you.

Like mother, like son, you think.

It was kind of an amusing sight, and you found yourself huffing lightheartedly, as you cradled his butt with your limbs and spoke up. “I don’t think that hat fits him, by the way.” You gave her a teasing look, only to glance down at the child in your hold for the sake of making sure he was okay. And he was, with the way his eyes were now closed, all while he breathed contently against your collarbone and continued to grip the fabric of your hoodie like a lifeline.

“He was just being difficult,” Mari mumbled, seemingly ignoring your statement and deeming it as incorrect, while she folded her arms over her chest and moved her eyes down to look at the boy, too. “It would’ve fit if he just stopped moving.”

You found yourself humming at her words, but the sound was entirely mindless, “Whatever you say.” It wasn’t long before you turned your head away from her and took a moment to glance around the vicinity of the cramped cabin. There was an intent in the action, and when you didn’t find who you were subconsciously looking for, you allowed your eyes to fall back onto Mari, while you sent her a look of wonder. “Do you know where Shauna is?”

“Why?” Mari uttered, a certain glint of… something you couldn’t entirely decrypt suddenly forming in her brown eyes, but when the corner of her lip curled up into a smirk, it gave you the slightest inkling that she was finding your question comical. “Miss her?” And you came out to be correct, which made you immediately scoff at her question, and it only caused that small smile to break out into a grin on her cheeks, “What? Don’t act like you haven’t been trying to worm your way into her heart,” she said, “you’re almost worse than Lottie. With her whole ‘our baby’ thing.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to help her out,” you stated, as you bashfully lowered your eyes, pretending to be occupied with the baby in your arms, who continued to rest comfortably within them. “It’s not easy being a single mom, and I don’t think Lottie’s whole ‘your baby is the key to make the wilderness happy’ bit is really helpful, either,” you added on, as heat rose to your cheeks at the distant thought of being perceived as some sort of lap dog for Shauna. And, granted, your valiant effort to defend her definitely didn’t help your case, but you couldn’t help it, considering the fact that Lottie had been a little… off ever since the baby boy was born.

You weren’t unaware of the way she would just stare at you whenever you carried Shauna’s son. It was hard to understand if she was jealous of the sight, or if she had something on her mind and simply didn’t know how to address it. But maybe you were also overthinking it, and honestly, you couldn’t – and didn’t necessarily want to – bring yourself to think about it in the current moment, which caused you to quietly clear your throat, before you stepped back and gently hoisted the boy in your arms up to rest more comfortably on your hip. “Where’s Shauna?” you questioned again.

“I don’t know.” Mari shrugged, “Not here, clearly.”

Always the smartass, you thought to yourself, before you rolled your eyes and let out a heavy breath. It wasn’t long before you turned around and walked away from Mari, successfully deeming her as the most unhelpful person in the group, and you ultimately decided to search for Shauna on your own. The only place you could think she would be was the single bedroom within the cabin, and so you found yourself padding in that direction unconsciously, which caused the boy in your arms to tighten his grip on your hoodie, due to your movement. You weren’t even sure if she was going to be in there, but it was the only idea you had when it came to where she might have been, and so you went with the idea, secretly hoping you’d come out to be right.

The murmurs of the rest of the group ended up disappearing by the time you eventually turned the corner and made it to the door, and when you noticed it slightly ajar, you didn't think anything of it, as you pressed on and pushed it open. It creaked, signifying its age, and you winced, as you glanced down at the baby in your arms, hoping that the high-pitch resonation didn’t stir him from his slumber. You were thankful, though, when all you received in return was a tiny grunt from him that portrayed his unconscious state, and it quelled the worry of possibly waking him up. His features were still relaxed, stuck deep in dreamland while he slightly drooled on your hoodie, and with a small smile at the sight, you lifted your head up to look forward.

You immediately froze in your place when your eyes fell onto Shauna.

The last thing you expected to see was her back, which was covered in nothing but the strap of her charcoal-colored bra and showing off her pallid skin-tone that was complimented by the few freckles that adorned it. They scattered across the expanse of her flesh like stars in the sky, and your pupils naturally flickered back and forth to admire each one. It felt like you had been punched in the gut, with the way your breath silently hitched in your throat, and a weight of something you couldn’t describe settled within your stomach. It wasn’t a negative feeling by any means, but you couldn’t deny the way you felt like some sort of pervert for having waltzed in without so much as knocking.

You found yourself regretting your actions, though there was no way for you to rewind time or pretend like you had never stepped into the room to begin with. Especially when Shauna seemingly sensed your presence, as though she had some sort of sixth sense, and slowly turned her head to glance over her shoulder, peering at you with a form of curiosity in her brown eyes. You stood there, all the while, probably looking like an idiot, with the way you stared at her with a wide gaze and held her child in your arms stiffly. But you couldn’t find it in you to consciously assess how odd you might have come across. All you could do was stutter out some sort of apology, as you parted your lips and felt your stomach leap to your throat. “I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to just – uh…”

Your voice trailed, and there was a certain air to Shauna’s demeanor that kept you from continuing, when you saw the ghost of an endeared smile fall onto her lips, before she turned back around and reached down to grab an old black band t-shirt that was tattered and had clearly seen better days. You remained idle in your spot, standing in front of the door as though you were a deer stuck in a pair of headlights, and as you dumbly watched the brunette pull the top over her head and allow it to fall down to cover her torso, there was a subtle feeling of disappointment that filled your chest.

But you attempted to ignore it, while you swallowed and waited for her to reply.

“Knocking exists, you know,” she uttered quietly, as she slowly turned around to completely face you, and lowered herself to sit down on the bed she had originally grabbed her shirt from. There was a subtle tone of lightheartedness in her voice, but you still felt embarrassment fill your body, as she gave you a tired, teasing look with her brown eyes and tilted her head to the side slightly. She clearly wasn’t offended by your intrusion, much to your own surprise, and that was when you found the ability to move your legs again, when you took a short step forward and bowed your head apologetically.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, “I should’ve…”

Shauna shook her head and shrugged, “It’s fine.”

You decided to keep your lips tightly wound after her response, pressing them together tightly, and you treaded carefully as you sluggishly walked further into the room. Your legs kicked out slightly as you moved, and your eyes flickered around to take in the vicinity that you had found yourself in far more than you probably should have. Ever the conversationalists, neither one of you knew what to say next. Should you have said, ‘hey, here’s your baby,’ as though you were some pizza delivery person? That probably wouldn’t have been a good idea, considering he wasn’t food. But you didn’t know what else to do, except sit down beside her and silently hand her the child…

But even then, that didn’t feel right.

“Is he sleeping?”

Shauna’s question broke through your muddled thoughts, and you found yourself immediately letting out a quiet breath of relief in turn, which was something you hoped she didn’t hear. When your eyes moved away from a random wall inside the room to meet her brown ones again, it didn’t seem like she picked up on the sound you made, when she simply stared at you with a certain type of earnestness that left you feeling warm inside. Her unwavering gaze after she inquired was enough to create a ball inside of your throat, and you found yourself trying to force it down with a swallow, as you slowly looked back down at the boy in your arms and nodded.

“Yeah,” you affirmed, “he is.” Your verbal confirmation was the last thing you said, before you eventually made it close to her bed and sat down beside her. The mattress barely dipped with how firm and old it was, but you could still see the way she faintly jostled from the added weight, out of the corner of your eye. You found yourself focusing entirely on her son, though, when you gently maneuvered him in your arms and cradled him like he was a week old again. He was still light, easy to hold without feeling as though your limbs were about to fall off, but his hair had grown in, and it was blond.

A dirty blond.

His eyes were brown, though, and his nose looked like it was going to develop into a shape like Shauna’s, the older he got. That cute, slightly imperfect bridge that you always admired whenever you caught sight of the brunette’s side profile. His round face and little lips looked just like hers as well, and you found yourself fascinated and almost amused at how he barely looked like Jeff. Even with the blond hair that hadn’t fully grown in yet and made the little boy look like an old man who was balding. It was surreal, in a way. How the girl beside you had managed to create such a beautiful soul through an ongoing situation that left all of you feeling hopeless and dreadful.

“I’m sorry.”

It was the words of Shauna again that tugged you out of your daydream. You found yourself blinking a few times, and when you slowly pulled your eyes away from her son to gaze at her, she was already staring at you, looking into your irises with her brown ones that the baby in your arms carried, too. You had to stop yourself from admiring other parts of her face for the sake of conveying to her that you were listening, and when you mindlessly creased your brow in confusion towards her apology, she took that as her chance to continue, as she scooted closer to you and flickered her focus down towards the child you were holding.

“I haven’t really been present,” she explained, clarifying herself, with a tone that conveyed shame, “for him.” You glanced down at her mouth for a split second, taking in the way that they were chapped and had dried-up blood on them, which you realized must have been from her anxiously nipping at her lips. Not only that, but it was also the winter, so you weren’t surprised, but even with the sight that didn’t necessarily look pleasant, you still found your stomach fluttering, before you shifted your attention back up to meet her gaze once again.

You inevitably shook your head, finding your voice, “It’s okay,” you whispered, “I know things have been… hard, for you.” It was difficult to know what to say to help her feel better, but you put in a valiant effort to tread lightly, which seemed to work in your favor, when she slowly deflated and decided to lean closer to you and lower her head against your shoulder. The heavy sigh she let out shortly after was enough to convey that she’d been needing some form of comfort, and although you tensed slightly, you let her have it, as you continued and glanced down at the baby in your arms. “It’s not easy having a kid and then being expected to take care of it after everything that’s happened.”

“I did it to myself,” Shauna mumbled, as she pressed her thigh against yours and mindlessly plucked at the fabric of her t-shirt, “I shouldn’t have meddled with my best friend's love life.” Even with being trapped in the wilderness, there was still a certain air of intelligence in the way she spoke, and you couldn’t help the way the corner of your lip curled up, as you slowly nodded your head in response to her statement. “Now I’m paying for it.” Her tone was dry, ultimately, and you weren't sure if it was because of the fact that she didn’t have it in her to be sad about what happened, or if she was simply angry at herself now, for what she did.

“At least he doesn’t look like Jeff,” you replied quietly, trying to lighten the mood in your own way, which caused Shauna to scoff dryly, as she pressed her cheek deeper into your shoulder and stared down at the sleeping boy in your arms. “Clearly your genes are stronger.”

The conversation lulled slightly, but you weren’t surprised, when Shauna silently reached her hand out and wiped her thumb over the corner of her baby’s mouth. Dried spit, you realized, was what she was trying to make disappear, and it reminded you of the little stain you had on your hoodie from his drool, which created an emotion of amusement that fluttered through your chest as you watched her gently tend to her kid. It wasn’t a common occurrence. It was like she was scared to touch him, or hold him, or even be in a room alone with him. But at the same time, she was equally protective. She had mixed feelings, obviously, and you had a feeling as to why that was.

And you didn’t want to bring it up.

But it was nice to see her attentiveness, even if it was something that was short-lived, when she inevitably pulled her hand back from his face, and let it fall onto her lap. “I haven’t even named him,” she suddenly stated, and when you turned your head slightly to look down at her, she pulled her cheek away from your shoulder and sat back up to stare down at the floor between her legs. “I don’t even know how to be a mom,” she added on, and you frowned faintly, before you slowly stood up to your full height and ambled over to the boys’ crib, letting her words drift off into the air, while you settled him against the makeshift bed you and Van created for him, and tucked him under a shirt that acted as a blanket for his small body.

“No one does at first,” you eventually replied, pulling your hands away from him, before you stepped back from the crib and turned around to look at Shauna, who bounced her knee up and down anxiously, not meeting your gaze. “No one gives you a rule book on how to be a parent, Shauna,” you reminded her, “it’s not easy… but that’s why we’re here–”

“You.”

Shauna’s mumble cut you off, and you paused to scrutinize her, “What?”

“You’re here,” she said, as she slowly lifted her head up to meet your eyes, “not them.” Your features faintly flinched in surprise, and when you shifted in your stance and shoved your hands into the pockets of your pajama pants that were just as tattered as all your other clothes, she continued. “You’ve been the only one who’s, like… actually helped me ever since I had him,” she explained, “I mean, other than Van, who helped make the crib with you, you’ve been here to take care of him, while I’ve just…” her voice trailed off, and she shrugged her shoulders, clearly at a loss for what else to say.

“You’ve got other stuff to deal with,” you uttered, trying to defend her from herself.

But Shauna shook her head, while you slowly trailed back towards the bed and watched her intently. “Like wallowing and resenting my own child who hasn’t done anything to deserve it?” You let out a deep breath when you turned around and lowered yourself to sit down beside her, and as your brow creased into a look of thought, she felt her eyes sting with unshed tears. “I’ve been the worst mom – you’re more of a parent than I am–”

“Shauna, stop,” you stated, shaking your head, before you looked at her and watched the way she pulled her face out of her hands and sighed shakily, “you’re not a bad mom,” you told her, “I mean… it’s normal to feel like shit after giving birth,” you added on, with the intention of making her feel less guilty, “postpartum depression is a thing, and you’re probably dealing with that on top of… y’know.” Shauna’s brow furrowed at your words, and when she shifted her brown eyes to meet yours, you could tell she was confused by how you knew that, which caused you to quickly clarify, as you shrugged. “I paid attention in health class.”

“Of course you did,” Shauna laughed out, her voice thick with emotion, as she shook her head and smiled sadly at your words. You chuckled quietly in response to her reaction, feeling a sense of pride swell in your chest towards the fact that you made her giggle, but when she sniffled and glanced down to stare at a certain spot on your face, you felt your heart leap to your throat. “How come we never really talked… before all of this?” she questioned suddenly, as her pupils fluttered back up to meet your gaze, not allowing you the chance to truly dwell on the subtle action, “We were on the same team, yet we barely ever spoke to each other.”

“Was kinda intimidated by you, actually,” you mumbled sheepishly, which caused her to give you an expression of disbelief, clearly unable to understand what might have been so scary about her. And it caused you to shrug your shoulders, as you shyly turned your head away and stared down at your lap, suddenly feeling small. Like you were exposed entirely. “I don’t know… I always wanted to talk to you, but I just… couldn’t?” You pursed your lips and pressed your palms together, and when you intertwined your fingers, you felt your cheeks heat up as you breathed in deeply and confessed through an exhale, “Guess I was just too scared to talk to a girl that I thought was pretty.”

At your words, Shauna could only stare at you, her brown eyes focusing on the defined features of your side profile and the way you clenched your jaw tightly out of nervousness, as you stared contemplatively at the floor. Your nostrils flared with a breath, and her heart thudded against her ribcage once that only signified the way your words made her feel. It was a random beat at first, but then it happened again, and again, and again. It cemented her feelings – the way you had secretly made her feel over the span of two months hitting her like an unforgiving truck, and it caused her to swallow thickly, as she broke her focus away from your face and gazed down at your hands instead.

She wasn’t sure what to say, and it was obvious that the silence that ensued wasn’t one that made either one of you feel comfortable. You shifted awkwardly in your spot, your face feeling flush, while Shauna lost herself in her own mind and continued to stare down at your interwoven fingers. It felt as though you were sixteen again, dealing with your first crush and experiencing mental gymnastics when it came to how you were going to confess that you liked the person you had eyes for. And granted, you were older now, but after spending… however many months in the wilderness, it felt like your social skills had vanished, and you were left ignorant again.

As well as a fool that had no grasp on how to say, ‘I like you’ to a cute girl.

It felt like hours had passed – when in actuality it was a minute, before you eventually cleared your throat awkwardly and lifted your chin to allow your eyes to shift away from the floor and towards Shauna’s instead. Your lips parted, as if to try and say something – or to defend yourself for what you had already stated – but nothing came out. And while the brunette seemed to find herself frozen in the way she continued to gaze down at your tense hands, you studied her expression, noticing how her features were taut with contemplation and something deeper, but indecipherable.

“I’m sorry.”

You suddenly apologized, without thinking, and when your voice – soft throughout the air – broke through the clouded thoughts of Shauna’s mind, that was when she blinked and jolted back into reality. Her brown eyes snapped up to your face, feeling them sting with unshed tears, and your brow furrowed to express your genuine guilt for making her feel uncomfortable. But she wasn’t uncomfortable. She was just… shocked. And confused. Because she had always been used to being second best, or stuck in the shadow of someone who was deemed as far more important than she ever could be. But even when Jackie was alive and she was actively experiencing the woes of being ‘the sidekick’ and ‘just the best friend,’ you still noticed her.

Still saw her as Shauna Shipman.

Not Jackie’s best friend.

And it made her angry that you waited so fucking long to say something.

To give her any sort of idea that you liked her.

Maybe it was the postpartum hormones that made Shauna swell with a mixture of frustration and sadness, or maybe it was just her, and it had nothing to do with the after effects of her giving birth. Either way, you saw a tear slip from the corner of her brown eye, and she could feel the salty droplet and the way it streaked down her cheek in an almost poetically depressing way. It only caused your breath to hitch in your throat, the guilt in your chest increasing drastically, and when you tried to reach your hand up to wipe away the stain, she grabbed your wrist, halting your movement, just as your fingers grazed over the skin of her face.

“Shit, I’m sorry–”

Ever the apologist, Shauna cut you off before you could complete your sentence, when she pushed your wrist down to pin it against your lap and suddenly leaned forward to press her lips against your own. The action was done with a swiftness that left your mind reeling and your body tensing as your body leaned back slightly, but when she unconsciously squeezed your joint that she held onto like a lifeline, you snapped out of your shock. The roughness of her mouth – chapped and dry – against your own, wasn’t unwanted. Especially not when you had been wanting to kiss her for the past year and a half. So it only made sense to relax into it, when you breathed out through your nose and allowed your eyes to flutter shut.

You promptly followed her lead, creating a game that consisted of her pushing and you pulling, as your lips parted to slot together like a perfect puzzle piece. Her grip tightened on your joint all the more, and although her fingernails lightly dug into your skin, it wasn’t enough to get you to move away from her. If anything, it urged you closer to her, when you reached up with your free hand and cupped her cheek. Your mouths moved together, quiet sounds of them smacking together intermixing with the soft breaths that the two of you let out, and before you could even realize what was happening, you were being pushed back against the firm mattress, which allowed her to pin your wrist she grasped above your head, while your other palm fell away from her face to rest against your stomach.

Shauna pulled her lips away from you in that same moment, and when you let out a quiet pant and fluttered your eyes open, she was already looking down at you with a certain emotion in her brown irises. You weren’t sure what it meant, but with how hazy your mind felt, and with how quick your heart thumped inside of your chest, you couldn’t bring yourself to grow concerned. Especially not with the way she loomed over you, and allowed her fingers to finally loosen around your wrist. Your focus shifted in turn, to watch her as she slid them up and over your palm, before they curled between your own and eventually intertwined in a way that felt like a perfect fit.

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner,” you mumbled, after a moment, as your eyes shifted back to meet the brunette’s. But Shauna could only shake her head dismissively, not wanting to talk about feelings, before she leaned down and pressed her lips against yours once again.

You immediately reciprocated that time, no longer hesitant to succumb to the concept of loving her, and when you happily hummed against her mouth, she felt her stomach flip, as a weight of tension slipped off of her shoulders.

Just like water.

—————————————————————————

There was something oddly therapeutic about the sounds of a baby giggling. The belly laughs that were infectious and left anyone who heard them grinning from ear to ear like an idiot. That may or may not have been you in the current moment, as you watched as Shauna blew raspberries into her boys’ belly from where he laid on her bed. His arms and legs swung back and forth to signify just how ticklish her actions had made him, and you felt your heart swell with affection towards the two, while you watched her pull herself up to look down at him with an expression on her face that conveyed nothing but admiration and love towards the child.

She named him Jackson.

Because although she had her own personal qualms about Jackie, the thought of forgetting her like a distant memory wasn’t something Shauna could ever fathom, and you couldn’t blame her for it. You remembered having the conversation with her, shortly after you and her started dating, and you were all for it, because you knew how much she loved her best friend, even if the last time they spoke didn’t end on the best terms. She saw it as a form of an apology, in her own way. And although you didn’t fully understand – not nearly as well as she did – you went along with it, because it was her choice in the end, and there was no way in hell you were going to control what she did.

Besides, Jackson was a cute name.

It fit him.

You snapped back into reality when a little fist smacked against your cheek, and you were quick to jolt back slightly, as you blinked and looked down at Jackson, who clearly wasn’t aware of what he had just done. He was far too focused on Shauna tickling his sides teasingly, and when he let out a high-pitch squeal as she picked him up, you chuckled softly, before your eyes flickered up to look at your girlfriend, who seemed a lot happier than two months ago, when you shared your first kiss with her. There was a certain glow to her. One that radiated from under all the dirt and grime that seemed to stain her face, even after washing it with water at the lake just an hour ago, and it made you happy in turn.

She would never fully heal, you knew that. None of you would, realistically… once you all got out of this mess. But at least she was searching for the good in things now, trying to actively find optimism, rather than the pessimism she had been so used to embodying. And you were well aware that she would always be Shauna. The girl who didn’t get as excited over the things that you or other people would. Or the girl who found far more enjoyment in staying in and reading a book, rather than going out and mingling with people at a party she didn’t truly want to attend. Hell, even now, stuck in the wilderness, she acted like a ghost who occasionally payed the rest of the cabin a visit.

But it wasn’t a bad thing.

It would never be a bad thing.

“Hey. Earth to Y/n?”

You blinked back into reality the moment Shauna’s voice broke through the fog of your mind, and you quickly realized that your eyes had fallen back down without you knowing, which ended in you intensely staring at the spot Jackson had once been laying. All that sat there now was a vacant spot, and it left the brunette feeling slightly worried. Especially with the way your gaze sat unwavering, simply focused down at the sheets, as though they were the most interesting thing in the world to you. It was obvious enough to you that she had put her son down to rest for the remainder of the day, and as you let out a quiet exhale through your nose and flickered your eyes up to meet your girlfriend’s, you rolled over onto your back and raised your brow in silent questioning.

“Hm?” You attempted to play off your daydream with a lackadaisical demeanor, but when Shauna scrunched her features up in both perplexity and concern, you knew you had failed miserably. Her brown eyes practically bored into yours, and you couldn’t bring yourself to avert your gaze, as you watched her move and sit back down on the mattress, before she clasped her hands together, so that they could rest comfortably in her lap, and gave you a certain look.

“What do you mean, ‘hm’?” she teased lightly with a smirk, as she shook her head in amusement towards your poor ability to play off your bout of distraction. She crossed her legs over the other in that same moment, and when you shrugged your shoulders and sluggishly pushed yourself up into a sitting position, she tilted her head to the side and sent you an expression that conveyed nothing but genuine curiosity. “What were you doing?” she asked, while you stared at her silently, like someone who had been caught doing something they shouldn’t have.

“Just thinkin’,” you admitted, giving her another shrug, as the corners of your lips quirked up faintly. Shauna only rolled her eyes at your simple statement, and when you let out a quiet huff in response, she used your reaction as proof that you were okay.

Though, even then, your vague explanation gave her the excuse to scoot closer to you, and you found yourself mindlessly leaning into her, as she reached her hand up to cup your cheek. “About what?” She gently rubbed the pad of her calloused thumb over the skin that sat underneath your eye, the touch almost featherlight in the way it felt against you. And you pressed into the feeling, almost melting against the warmth of her palm that cradled the side of your face, which caused her to smile softly in turn, finding satisfaction in how comfortable you were to her affection.

“You,” you eventually replied, before you raised a hand up and curled your fingers around her wrist, “and Jackson.” You gently held the joint in your grasp and turned your head slightly to press your lips against the heel of her palm, “Thinking about how so much has changed. In a good way.” You tugged it away from your face to bring that part of her body down into your lap, and she felt her heart warm, the moment you moved your thumb across the lines that decorated her limb. “I’m happy that you’re both here… that I’m with the two of you,” you mumbled, your voice coming out as a quiet whisper, as you lowered your chin to gaze down at what you were doing.

Your introspective thoughts about Shauna and Jackson weren’t uncommon, and she knew that, considering the fact that you often found yourself daydreaming when it came to her and her son. How you would stare, and stare, and stare, until she’d eventually notice and snap you out of it with a question. Hell, sometimes your mind buzzed so much to the point where you would wake up in the middle of the night and head outside to sit on the porch. And then you would just… think, about her, or Jackson, or about your teammates that also resided in the cabin. And it was all while you listened to the randomly occurring sounds of owls hooting, or birds flapping their wings and rustling the leaves that they hid within.

“You always have a habit of becoming sappy after we put Jackson to bed,” Shauna uttered suddenly, as she glanced down at your fingers, and watched the way they continued to trace over the lines of her palm. “You know that, right?” You simply shrugged your shoulders, feeling the corner of your lip curve up into a soft, innocent smirk that was entirely mindless, and it caused a quiet huff of endearment to slip from the brunette, before she scooted closer to you – her knee pressing against your thigh – and used her free hand to pinch your chin with her index and thumb, as she slowly tugged your focus up to meet her own once again.

“I can’t help it,” you replied softly, the moment you met her gaze, smiling a little brighter. The brunette flickered her brown eyes between your own, clearly stuck in a bout of admiration towards the way the color of your irises fit the different contours and features of your face perfectly, and your only form of defense consisted of you shrugging – again – as you pressed your lips together tightly. “It’s not my fault you’re you and he’s him.” It was clear she didn’t know what you meant by those words, with the way her brow faintly creased in reaction to your statement, but she couldn’t bring herself to question you.

She found your form of affection too endearing to try and deconstruct it.

With Shauna still pinching the bottom of your chin, you remained frozen in your spot, staring at her intently and with a certain glint of softness shining in your eyes. “You’re a dork,” she found herself pointing out, and you immediately brightened in reply, when she let out a loving chuckle and tugged you forward slightly, just so she could press her mouth to your own. Her sound of amusement died down the moment the tip of your nose brushed against her own, and when she tipped her head up slightly to graze her lips over your own, her eyelids fluttering, that was when you pushed in and kissed her, making the connection.

There wasn’t a feeling of anxiety or nervousness that filled your chest, as your hand slowly came up to cradle the side of her neck. It wasn’t like the first time you kissed her. Wasn’t a moment full of uncertain movement and uncoordinated positions that left the two of you huffing out embarrassed laughs and flushing with heat. There was intent and fluidity that went into it now, but even if you and her still acted like you had never shared a peck before, you still would have enjoyed the moment either way. But maybe you were also appreciative of the fact that you didn’t feel like you were going to explode anymore, just from feeling her against you.

With the way you were positioned on the bed, it wasn’t difficult for Shauna to shift onto her knees and use one of her hands to press it against your hip bone. Her other limb cradled your face tenderly, her touch possessive but equally gentle, and the moment your back fell against the mattress, and your head was suddenly cradled by the pillow, that was when her lips fell away from you. With a panting breath, your eyes fluttered open and stared up at her to see her own brown irises gazing down at you already, but before you could say anything to her, she was already leaning down – disappearing from your line of vision – to peck the side of your neck.

There was intention in the action, and it made you flush with heat, as she nestled herself between your legs and pressed her palms against your hips to keep herself from falling on top of you. Your eyelids fluttered when you felt the heat of her breath against the skin of your jaw, and as she kissed the line of it, just underneath your ear, your voice broke through the silence, as your head lulled to the side to stare towards the door of the room, which was already closed and providing the two of you with privacy. “What if someone comes in?” you questioned weakly, your voice lacking its usual confidence, as Shauna moved her hand down slightly and slipped her fingers underneath your shirt.

“Everyone’s outside enjoying the sun,” she mumbled against your flesh, while you tensed up and let out a shaky breath as she smoothed her fingers up your stomach. You ultimately moved past the possibility of anyone barging into the room, even if her words didn’t fully convince you, but when her nails lightly tickled your skin, you couldn’t stop the quiet giggle that slipped from your lips, as your hand shot down to grab her forearm.

Shauna let out a huff at your action, and you weren’t sure if it was out of annoyance or amusement. But when she nipped at your earlobe with her teeth and curled her fingers to continue lightly grazing her nails over the skin of your belly, you could tell she was simply trying to spur you on in the way you originally reacted. And it seemed to work in her favor, when you tightened your grip on her forearm and let out a quiet grunt that did nothing but convey your displeasure and sensitivity towards her teasing.

“Shauna,” you groaned quietly, pushing at her limb.

But she didn’t budge, and she only moved her hand to hold your side instead, as she leaned back slightly to gaze down at you, her dilated pupils locking with yours. “What?” she asked, though you knew the question was entirely rhetorical, when you noticed the ghost of a smirk form on her lips, “I’m not doing anything.” Her faux innocence made you roll your eyes, and she chuckled in turn, finding your attitude comical to her, before she hunkered down to kiss the bone of your cheek, as her hand that lingered on your waist suddenly smoothed lower to tease at the waistband of your shorts.

Her movements still managed to make you squirm, the action ticklish to you, though you also couldn’t deny the way it made your heart speed up, while she watched your expression intently. She searched for any sort of visible response from you, as she hooked her fingers over the elastic, and with the way your eyes flitted to meet her brown ones, it was easy to see the way your features shifted into a look of subtle surprise, the moment you felt the featherlight touch of her fingers graze over the band of your underwear.

“I’ll go slow–”

“Guys! Guys!”

At the sudden voice, which erupted throughout the cabin like an annoying alarm, Shauna’s hand jolted out of your pants as though she had been burned with fire, while you sucked in a sharp breath and snapped your focus towards the door. It opened just as your girlfriend leaned back on her heels with an almost frustrated huff slipping from her lips, and while you propped yourself up onto your elbows, you saw the figure of Van peek through the gap they had created.

Their eyes were as wide as saucers, and their expression was the brightest you had ever seen since you all became trapped in the wilderness. It made your brow furrow in turn, while the brunette stared at them with an unimpressed expression on her features, clearly unhappy towards the fact that the moment had been ruined between you and her. “What, Van?”

You snorted quietly at Shauna’s perturbed response, and Van completely ignored it, when they grinned widely and frantically glanced between the two of you with a glint of excitement in their blue eyes. “Nat waved down a fucking helicopter.” Their words were enough to make your face scrunch up in confusion, almost not believing them, and when you pushed yourself up into a sitting position and narrowed your eyes at the goalkeeper, they didn’t even give you the chance to ask what they meant, when they answered the question for you.

“They found us, guys,” Van stated, clarifying themself, “we can finally get out of here.”

This took me way too long to finish.

#yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets #shauna shipman x reader

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deerlysacred · 16 days ago

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✦ shauna shipman hit me right in the gut from the second i started watching yellowjackets. teenage shauna was like looking at a cracked mirror of my younger self — all that anger, insecurity, and self-sabotage bottled up inside, trying to find some way out. but you don't want to show your vulnerable spots, you don't want to look pathetic. so you just turn it inward and let it rot you from the inside out.

i didn't sleep with my best friend's boyfriend, but honestly? i understand why she did. that mix of love and pure resentment, wanting to be close but also wanting to tear it all apart? i lived that. it was of course wrong of her to do that, i'm not defending that. but when you're that young and secretly insecure, the need to feel in control — even if it means betraying everything you built — feels so real, so raw, that you can't see how much damage it's doing to you, how much it would cost you in the long-term.

i think unless you've felt that combination of love and rage — where you want to protect someone but also hurt them, where you'd do anything to be them or outshine them, but also can't imagine your life without them — it's hard to fully understand shauna. it hurts to see people hating or judging her, but more than that, i really hate when people belittle her as this 'selfish back-stabber'. when they refuse to acknowledge that people like her exist.

i just want to give her a hug, honestly. teen me would've wanted to be her friend, and maybe i would've made better choices if i had someone like her to show me the consequences of the ones i was making. and i can't help but think : if only she had a friend she could be her true self with. someone she could trust enough to say, “hey, i'm scared, i feel the same way too” someone who shared those same messy, destructive impulses when they felt insecure and threatened. maybe then, she wouldn't have felt like she had to wear a mask all the time, even around jackie, the person who loved her most.

because that's the thing about shauna— no matter how much jackie loved her, shauna didn't show jackie her real desires or her true self. because jackie represented this ideal of perfection that shauna knew she could never reach, and being real with her felt like too much of a risk. how do you tell the person who sees you as good and loyal that, deep down, you're jealous, angry, and terrified? even though jackie was insecure and lonely in her own way, and shauna was the person she turned to as her safe place, shauna couldn't see it— her own walls and deep self-hatred blinded her to the fact that jackie needed her just as much as she needed jackie.

i love how messy and layered you are, shauna shipman.

#shauna shipman #jackieshauna #frostbite #yellowjackets

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puppyscatorccio · 4 days ago

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abo anon from earlier... hi

(tfem or not) alpha!yjs & omega!reader..

omega!reader who had to take so many meds for supressants and have so blockers so they could be on the soccer team, because as an omega they couldnt. and all of the yjs just thought they were a particularly sweet scented beta.

& now its winter & everyone is stuck in the cramped proximity of the cabin. but thats not readers current worry, not the starvation or the cold. the fact that they knew their heat was due anytime now, and that if it ever did come, they were so fucked.

not only cuz everyone would find out that they were lying, and that they would get in genuine trouble for doing so— but because almost all of their teammates were alphas who probably havent gotten off in awhile.

& so one fateful winter morning when they wake up absolutely soaked, achy and needy they're practically terrified. as its been hard enough keeping their scent from being super regonisable all these months, but how the hell were they gonna hide this? not just their scent— which was already a massive problem in itself— but the symptoms. the unbearable aching, the incredible sensitivity— theres just no way..

and as their mind is scrambling with ideas n shit they hear the stirring of the others, the pheromones— only intensified— making them practically double over. readers mind is practically screaming for anyone, but god damn if they arent gonna give up so easily

the real question is; are the others going to fight their urges aswell?

sorry if ts is alot feel free to ignore this LMAO 😭😭😭

also lowkey not even an ask anymore but i wrote sm so

anon, i'm gonna hold you when i say this: i love long asks. do not apologize for that! in fact, the longer and more elaborate the ask, the easier it is for me to write. / mdni, cnc/noncon if you squint

at first, i think most of them would try to control themselves. keyword, most. shauna would definitely be the first to complain that you're stinking up the whole cabin with your scent, that "it's actually fucking unbearable" and that "someone should do something about this". even though most of them internally agree, lottie is all protective, trying to keep you safe and not letting anyone hurt you. does it come from a place of her wanting you just for herself? sure, probably.

since you can't do much of anything, they lock you up in the attic for a while. it's safer for both you and them, the last thing they need is another a baby and a bunch of alphas fighting like animals over you. it lasts for about a day and a half.

i think shauna would be the first to break that rule. she's angry, stressed and needs some kind of outlet. of course, you're an easy target, just there for her to take. she would sneak into the attic when nobody's looking and have her way with you, pretty much using you for her own pleasure. of course, the others obviously hear it all with how loud you're being and decide to say fuck it, if shauna can have you, why can't they too?

after that, it's a mess. even after your heat is gone, all of them still use you like some sort of toy for their relief. nat usually does it after she's tired from hunting, lottie breeds you claiming that it's what the wilderness would want, all of them make up excuses and more excuses to why they just need to have you. it's not like they need an excuse; you're an omega stuck in a cabin with a bunch of alphas, they barely have to lift a finger to overpower you. the excuses are more for their own comfort than anything, to convince themselves that you were asking for it, that it's totally fine for them to take you anytime, anywhere.

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #mdni #🗞️ — freak news #📟 — ask

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nataliescatorccioapologist · 2 months ago

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Let’s investigate the new Yellowjackets season 3 photos!

First we have Tai, Van, Jeff, and Shauna at a funeral in the adult timeline, which we can safely assume is a funeral for Nat. Misty and Lottie are notably absent. I am guessing that Misty was not invited, understandably so because she literally killed Natalie. I think Lottie is absent because she 1) also wasn’t invited because she had a hand in Nat’s death and the others are a little scared of her right now, or 2) she is locked up in the psych ward at this point in time. Or maybe Misty and Lottie are there and just out of frame.

There are some other people in the background we’ve never seen before. Maybe these are some of Nat’s past sponsors? Maybe some friends or acquaintances we didn’t know about?

Card❗️draw❗️in❗️the❗️spring/summer❗️All of the characters involved are wearing light clothing, suggesting the weather is still warm and there likely isn’t a justifiable reason to be doing a cannibalism card draw for survival. So, there are two options here: 1) they’re starting to do cannibalistic card draws as a ritual or sacrifice to the wilderness, or 2) they’re drawing cards to decide something else. Maybe they’re drawing cards to see who has to kill Coach Ben?

I believe that’s Mari on the far left, and she maybe just maybe appears to be wearing the Pit Girl nightgown??? Not looking too good for her.

Also notable: Nat appears to no longer be wearing Jackie’s heart necklace in this scene (but she was shown wearing it in the early days of filming S3). What does that mean for the status of her leadership? Who was it given to?

There are some new people we’ve never seen before here. Background extras that get a plot line now like Melissa, Gen, and Krystal from last season?

This photo appears to be the aftermath of that card draw, given that the characters are wearing the same outfits as the previous photo. I am confused by the fact that Nat and Tai are now wearing jackets/shawls that they weren’t wearing before. Did they put them on after the card draw for some reason?

This photo strengthens the theory that this card draw could be related to Coach Ben, especially considering that Nat and Misty (the ones with the most attachment to Ben) are the only ones shown crying. Maybe Tai was chosen to kill Coach? Or maybe Nat was going to (since her gun is being used here) and she couldn’t do it so Tai took over? Also, the jacket Tai is wearing here (the hoodie) is the same one Nat was wearing when she was learning how to shoot the gun in S1. I wonder if that is significant/intentional?

People who may have drawn the fateful card here (as they are not seen in this shot): Travis, Lottie, Mari, Akilah, Coach Ben, and Gen. Could this be Mari or Akilah’s death scene? Or maybe Travis pulled the card which is why Nat is crying? This would line up with the writers’ implications that whoever draws the Queen card must die eventually (even if it happens many years later). Nat and Travis both died in the adult timeline, and we know Nat’s death was the fate of that Queen card catching up to her. Maybe it caught up to Travis too?

Either way, Tai holding that gun gave me chills I can’t wait to see how this scene unfolds.

Adult Taivan!!!! We were fed with all of these Taivan sneak peeks. These shots definitely imply that Tai and Van are rekindling their relationship this season, which fills me with joy. One thing that stands out here: in the street lamp photo, Taissa’s posture seems stiff and Van almost looks like she’s trying to keep her grounded/get through to her. Maybe this is The Bad One and Van is trying to keep her from spiraling?

Misty burning the reunion photo of her, Tai, Shauna, and Nat. I have a feeling that the others are really going to shun Misty this season and it’s going to make her a little (a lot) crazy. I think she may be burning the photo spitefully after being rejected by the others. Or she could be burning it as some kind of ritual/sacrifice? I could also see the possibility that Misty is burning that photo because it’s a painful reminder of Natalie and what she did to her.

Coach is confirmed to have survived the first winter somehow. And he’s not looking too good. Not a lot to take away from this photo, other than wondering what he’s looking so intensely at and how he has survived up to this point. I think he is definitely not going to make it through this season.

Adult Lottie well-dressed, looking amazing, and seemingly not locked up in a psych ward! So that’s great. Lottie appears to be outside of Shauna’s house in this scene, as the exterior matches and the address number (1285) is the same as in the pilot episode:

I also saw someone point out that the necklace Lottie is wearing here could be a vial of Nat’s ashes?! I feel like this is unlikely but let me tell you if that’s the case I will go absolutely feral.

And we have Callie and Shauna at the dinner table! Callie is a series regular now, so I am excited to see her arc this season and how involved she will get in the wilderness rituals. They appear to be studying something in this scene. Shauna has a book or textbook and Callie has a notepad. Could be just Shauna helping Callie with homework, but it also could be them investigating something👀

#yellowjackets #Yellowjackets season 3 #natalie scatorccio #shauna shipman #Callie sadecki #Lottie Matthews #van Palmer #taissa turner #misty quigley

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scvrchfx · 2 months ago

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“you’re an angel, i’m a dog” laura lee could be seen as an “angel” not only because of her religious beliefs but because she represents the faith of the yellowjackets getting home. lottie can be seen as a “dog” because of the way most of the girls treated her. lottie was villainized by almost everyone for everything she did, even though all she was trying to do was help. laura lee was one of the only ones that believed in her when she was seeing things, and she didn’t think lottie was crazy.

“or your a dog and i’m your man” because laura lee can be used as a metaphor for the girls faith in being brought back, all hope was lost whenever laura lee died. the only thing that’s left of laura lee is the visions and memories lottie has carried with her throughout her life. and in some of lottie’s worst moments, the memory of laura lee has helped her overcome them.

“you believe me like a god” shauna and jackie were best friends. they were supposed to be able to confide in each other. jackie put all her love and trust into shauna and although she might have been controlling, i think she wanted shauna to be so close because she was terrified of loosing her.

“i destroy you like i am” despite shauna’s friendship with jackie, she still decided to sleep with jeff instead of just talking to jackie. i think shauna was in love with jackie and the only way she could express it was to be with jeff because he was jackie’s. or she simply could have wanted to consume jackie’s life, hence the cannibalism, marrying jeff, and basically taking the life that was supposed to be jackie’s. when jackie found out everything shauna had done and said about her it “destroyed” her. jackie had planned her entire life with shauna in it, and from one moment to the next she discovered that her best friend, who she loved more than anything, didn’t even like her as a person. when they were fighting, jackie couldn’t think of anything bad to say about shauna, even when shauna was spewing insults and pointing out all of jackie’s insecurities.

“i’m sorry i’m the one you love” seeing that tai and vans relationship started in the 90s, they were hiding who they were and their relationship together because of the amount of homophobia during that time. but it also goes deeper than that, they faced so many challenges and insecurities together. for example tai’s sleepwalking and how the wolf attack left van’s face. they may have seen themselves as a burden in a way, not wanting the other to have to deal with it, which may be the reason they are no longer together.

“no one will ever love me like you again” even though tai married simone, they’ll never have the connection tai and van had. van understands tai in a way simone can’t because she was there when tai’s episodes started happening and she was stranded in the wilderness too.

“so when you leave me i should die” after travis died, nat was distraught. she didn’t see a point in living after he was gone and the only reason she even made till the end of season two is because of lottie.

“i deserve it, don’t i?” nat maybe feels that she deserves to die, for many reasons. she had avoided death so many times and it had finally caught up to her. if it wasn’t for nat, travis’ brother would still be alive.

#lottielee #lottie matthews #laura lee #jackieshauna #jackie taylor #shauna shipman #shauna sadecki #taivan #taissa turner #van palmer #travnat #travis martinez #natalie scatorccio #yellowjackets #yellowjacketsedit #edit

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rotating-hyperfixations · 4 months ago

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Teen Yellowjackets Niche Specific NJ Headcanons:

Watching Yellowjackets has me reflecting on my own teenage hood and I grew up in NJ, so therefore I constantly think way too much about dumb shit they could do that’s specific to growing up in New Jersey and thus this list was born:

Growing up Nat was a CEO catholic (Christmas and Easter only). Her parents don’t really believe, but there’s enough Catholic guilt there from their childhoods that they feel like they should go for the big holidays. They stop going when her dad dies.

Lottie was informally adopted by an elderly Italian couple who owns a deli. In middle school she started going there nightly for dinner when her parents were out of town, and the owners were so confused/disgusted that they always made sure she had a meal free of charge, even though she could pay. Even into high school they give her extra food, she usually pawns it off on Van or Nat, or sometimes Shauna if her mom’s working the night shift at the hospital.

Van worked at a pizza place. She hates it, but they let her take slices home for free and she likes that it feels like one of those jobs a character would work in an 80s coming of age movie.

Jackie’s parents have a beach house in LBI. The soccer team takes it over for one week every summer

Shauna likes to drive down Ocean Ave late at night listening to her mixtape that she made specifically for those drives (this basically a right of passage for teenagers who grew up by the shore, myself included).

There is infighting amongst the team about which is better: Dunkin Donuts or Wawa. They had to put a moratorium on the topic because things were getting too personal.

Van looks up to Kevin Smith and loves Clerks because he was also from a small town in NJ and was able to get his movie made.

Tai is ready and willing to kick anyone’s ass who tries to defend Pineapple on pizza, she thinks it’s a crime against pizza and it should be outlawed. Jackie is a pineapple on pizza enjoyer, this causes problems.

They all live in central Jersey and fight with opposing teams at tournaments and matches about whether or not that section of the state exists.

Nat is a transplant from North Jersey and they all give her shit for her accent that she just can’t shake.

Misty is an NJ transit defender, even though the service barely functions.

Shauna is banned from watching the Giants and Yankees because she has anger issues and spends their entire game yelling at the tv.

Nat and subsequently Van (Nat-Van childhood best friends you are very dear to me) call it Taylor Ham, whereas the rest of the team calls it Pork Roll. Each side has attempted to convert the other, but have yet to be successful.

They were all devastated when Action Park at Vernon Valley closed because it meant they could no longer get shitty cheap beer without being carded.

#Yellowjackets #Yellowjackets headcanons #shauna shipman #jackie taylor #taissa turner #van palmer #lottie matthews #natalie scatorccio #misty quigley #we can get really deep in Nj lore if people are interested #this is just surface level stuff #growing up in Nj is both a unique experience and like growing up anywhere else

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tabithatwo · 2 years ago

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just a few of my jackie taylor is a lesbian and she knows it (or she at LEAST knows she likes women) thoughts

the opening. “jackie panting” on the infamous lesbian aunt photo. we are introduced to her for the first time without the other girls as firmly NOT enjoying whatever jeff is attempting while we are zoomed in on a picture of Her And Shauna.

she fakes it to get him to stop. that isn’t necessarily lesbian on its own, but the way she does it?? the completely unconcerned manner/low effort? this man is so low stakes for her. you know straight women are out there putting on actual Performances. this is not that. she knows she has to keep him in an intellectual/societal way and that’s her only goal

i don’t feel like i really need to explain this one? if you are a lesbian that ever tried to be with men i think this expression in response to those words speaks for itself lmao. our girl is Tired

this scene is jackie almost Emotionless. we don't see that a ton, especially not in her day to day. she is apathetic and trying not to Think about what she's doing. i left the subtitles on for a reason bc "today is the greatest" is very in line with "jackie panting" from earlier

they did NOT want us to miss the "aggressive tooth brushing" (as its written in the script). we have her image FOUR TIMES in this. this scene doesn't read as someone who is only annoyed bc her bf is bad in bed. this screams disassociation and knowing what is expected of you.

the necklace touch!! the way jackie associates this pendant w shauna comes up so much. shauna has been embedded in this scene throughout. jackie clearly hated hooking up w jeff and she looks in the mirror and touches her necklace after with This face

think about how jackie reacted to jeff. how she looks at him, the faces she makes when he leaves, her general energy. now in contrast we’re gonna see how she reacts to shauna (both shauna and jackie jump from disdain when seeing jeff to giddy little idiots when seeing each other) see also: YOUR KISSES ARE WICKED

this is FLIRTING the little faces she makes and her reachy little arm and her giggling? this is jackie flirting. we see her do this w jeff *in public* when its performative, but she's actively choosing to flirt with shauna right now like if you don't see that idk what to tell you

do not get me started about the music but this caption is killing me (see also: FLIRTY EXPRESSION)

the language she uses discussing deciding to sleep with jeff. "i've decided its time" and my ultimate favorite "its more poetic that way." thinking of sex w men as a task and fictionalizing it?? removing herself from the act itself?? lesbianism!! AND directly after the sleeping with jeff convo, jackie jumps into their dorm colors (PINK AND GREEN i could do a whole side tangent about hyperfemininity as a signal of lesbianism but i digress) and her tone is way more excited and invested than the one she used for sleeping with her bf

in conclusion, that’s my little lesbian

#jackie taylor #jackie x shauna #shauna x jackie #shauna shipman #yellowjackets #my lesbian thoughts on lesbian jackie #she likes girls #and your honor i believe she knows it

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rhiannonsknife · 3 months ago

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heyyy first of all, i just needed to say that your writing is soooo fucking good like i was genuinely impressed when you said that english isn't your first language because I can't imagine how this could get any better. Also, it isn’t only about the way you write but also the way you just get each character perfectly. That's just... woah, just woah. So yeah, I hope you keep on writing for a long time for the sake of everyone's happiness lol

And lastly, you remembered us about how you also write for the rest of the yellowjackets, not that I don't enjoy the whole "let's give love to all ella purnell's characters" thing going on here buuuut i remembered one scenario has been in my mind for a while and I'd love if you wrote about it.

Shauna, after losing so much to the wilderness, carries this relentless, overwhelming anger that keeps most of the other girls at a distance. Even those who aren't outright scared of her still know better than to get too close. She obviously needs love and comfort, but god help anyone who tries to say that to her. And then r decides to take a shot, carefully inching closer without setting her off. Slowly but surely, r makes progress. First, just being allowed in Shauna's space, then a hand on her shoulder, brushing her hand, maybe even touching her hair. When Shauna finally lets her guard down, r sees just how touch-starved she really is, how deeply she needs someone to just be there, to be her person.

Shauna and r start disappearing for hours, slipping off to somewhere, maybe the airplane, where r can pepper her face with kisses, making her feel safe. And Shauna just lets herself melt in those moments, holding r close.

my mind just goes ogdofgkditwukymg w her

── NO ONE COULD SAVE ME BUT YOU

— summary: shauna shipman needs a hug. that’s it. that’s the summary.

— warnings: hurt/comfort. canon typical dark themes. implied cannibalism (duh). child loss. etc. so: angst. some fluff. did not beta-read this. + i had no clue how to start or end this fic.

— a/n: woah thank you so so much!! i genuinely appreciate that <3 i’m not planning on stopping any time soon! anyway, i hope you like how this turned out!!

out here, she’s lost everything. you all know it, though none of you dares to actually talk about it. it doesn’t come as much of a surprise that she’s beginning to lose herself too. it’s concerning all the same.

shauna still gets her chores done, so it is not like you don’t have her support in this poorly built system, this attempt to keep things under control when -really- all last restraints of control were lost the morning you’d found jackie’s body, buried in the snow, and with all that came after that. the things no one ever speaks about.

perhaps that is why none of the girls have approached her yet: as long as she does what she’s supposed to do, why would anyone try and cross her, or potentially upset her? after what she’s done to lottie, it’s no surprise. sometimes, in moments during which you find yourself staring at her hands for reasons beyond you, you can see the flash of a scar, standing out against the thin skin of her knuckles.

maybe they’re scared of her. or scared of what she’s become, out here. it doesn’t make a difference. maybe you should all be scared of what you’ve become.

either way, it’s not fair. you obviously know that she needs the same comfort some of the other girls have found in each other, whether shauna wants to admit it or not.

so you -with nothing better to do for the most part- make it your mission to be this comfort for her.

at first, shauna gives you short, cold responses when you try to make small talk, but you keep at it. there’s nowhere to go anyway, nowhere she could flee to get away from your slightly awkward attempts to just talk. it’s a first step.

gradually, you notice her replies get a little longer, her posture softens, just slightly, and she doesn’t seem so quick to brush you off. a small sign, but it means you’re beginning to earn her trust. you don’t talk, not always. sometimes, you’ll just linger nearby and watch her prepare the last remaining pieces of meat or sit in the same room as she scribbles in the journal she’s brought from home.

sitting with shauna in silence becomes its own form of closeness; she doesn’t say much, but she lets you be near her. you can’t remember, now that you think about it, when she was last hugged. when she last felt the touch of another person. your heart aches at this realization. could it have been jackie? it already feels like a whole lifetime ago, that she'd been among the group.

over time, she actually starts letting you sit close enough that your legs touch. you hope it’s her way of saying that maybe she doesn’t mind your presence as much as she lets on.

one day, after a particularly hard night, you take a chance and rest a hand on shauna’s shoulder. you’ve noticed, even from a distance, that she doesn’t sleep well. truthfully, no one out here does. but, with your makeshift mattress closest to the spot she’s preoccupied in the farthest corner of the room, you often notice the way she flinches in her sleep, or shoots up in the middle of the night, panting heavily.

when you notice it that night, you slip out of the more or less comfortable ‘warmth’ of your blankets and make your way over to her.

she tenses, but for a moment, she doesn’t pull away. her silence feels like a monumental moment, a sign that she’s slowly starting to let her walls down. you sit like this, hidden by the darkness of the cabin and with none of the others awake, for a long moment. neither of you moves, neither of you even dares to breathe, afraid it’ll pass by as fast as it has come. then, she shrugs away from your grip and mutters: “i’m fine”. she’s not, obviously. but you take it as a small victory. you’ve felt the way she relaxed under your hold, the way she didn’t immediately push you away.

as weeks pass, you notice shauna becoming less and less guarded in your presence. she’s still wary, still sharp, but you can sense the small shifts, a quiet murmur here, a shared look there, that suggest she’s warming up to having you close.

maybe that night is what’s to blame, or maybe she’s genuinely beginning to realize how much she craves the warmth of another person. your warmth.

it’s one of these days where she’s angrily scribbling down words into her journal when shauna reaches a first ‘breaking point’. she’s sitting beside you in silence, the weight of the wilderness and the day pressing down on both of you. the only noise is the angry scrape of her pencil against paper. in a rare moment of boldness, you reach out, brushing a strand of her hair back from her face.

you’re not sure why you do it. but shauna seems so far away from everything, so detached from the reality you live in, that you just want to offer her something grounding.

her first reaction is to freeze, her eyes widening with a flicker of surprise, and you nearly pull your hand away, wondering if you’ve overstepped. but instead, shauna lets out a breath and holds still, allowing you to tuck the strand behind her ear. as your fingers brush her cheek, you can feel her breath catch, her defenses lowering just a little. it’s a brief, fragile moment, but one that feels much bigger to you: an unspoken acknowledgment that maybe, just maybe, she’ll allow more of this.

that’s when things begin to change: shauna starts looking for you after difficult moments, lingering by your side in ways that tell you she needs someone, even if she won’t say it; too stubborn to ever admit it out loud. she lets you take her hand quietly, her thumb rubbing yours a wordless promise that, just for a while, she’ll let you be her safe place.

it becomes routine for you and shauna to disappear to some quiet spot when the cabin feels too heavy. no one has figured you out yet, although you’re sure that they can put two and two together by now: tai has caught your eye, the last time you sneaked off together and lottie has long claimed that the wilderness has its fucked up ways of communicating with her. whether any of it is true or not, something about the glances she shoots in your direction tells you that she knows. that she might even appreciate it, though that could just be because she won’t be the outlet for shauna’s anger anymore.

after a particularly tense exchange with the others, she brushes past you, muttering, “let’s go.” you follow her immediately, of course, and the two of you wind through the forest until you reach the plane’s wreckage. inside, it’s silent and dim, a place that’s somehow managed to become a safe haven. the last reminder of civilization, somewhere far far away from you.

shauna lets herself lean back against the metal frame, shoulders dropping in relief, her usual guarded expression softening as you sit close beside her.

she doesn’t say anything, but her hand finds yours, squeezing it tightly, as if she’s grounding herself in your presence. then, in a rare show of vulnerability, she leans her head on your shoulder, her eyes closing as she lets out a shaky sigh. you wrap an arm around her, pull her closer, and let her melt into you, feeling her tension slowly give way as she buries her face in the crook of your neck.

together, you stay like that for hours, just holding each other. shauna curls into your arms, letting herself fully relax in the quiet. you actually dare to cradle her head and press gentle kisses to her forehead, feeling her melt into your embrace, and trusting you in a way she hasn’t trusted anyone else in a long, long time.

“you’re…you’re way too soft for this place, you know that?” you hear her whispering. she doesn’t stop you, though.

when it’s time to return, shauna doesn’t say a word but gives you a look that says it all: gratitude, trust, and something almost like relief.

even when you’re not together, shauna’s glances toward you become longer, her eyes lingering with something that remains unspoken, as if she’s trying to understand this newfound feeling.

around the others, she is still hesitant to be openly affectionate. in the cabin, it is only late at night, when it’s just the two of you, that she lets herself fall into your arms. It’s the only time she allows herself to be unguarded, clinging to you silently as if afraid you’ll vanish too if she lets go.

that same night, you catch a quiet confession under her ragged breath. she’s facing the other way, letting you spoon her from behind. only this way, does she dare to open up about how everything seems to slip away from her. she’s scared but hides it behind anger and frustration. you’re the first person allowed to see her tears.

you can’t even begin to imagine what she’s going through. all the things she’s been robbed of: girlhood, like all of you. even if you’re ever rescued (which seems less likely with every day that passes) how are you supposed to move on? how are you supposed to live, like none of this ever happened? her best friend, who no one dares to talk about anymore, afraid it’ll bring back the things you’ve done. it’s like she was never here at all which, you think, must be even worse. motherhood, too, though she never even wanted it. no one seems to acknowledge that, out of everyone out here, she might just be the one to have lost everything to the wilderness.

in an attempt to comfort her, you trace mindless shapes against the back of her hand, slowly soothing her back to sleep. the letters of her name, a loopy S, gliding across her scarred knuckles with a tenderness so contrary to everything these hands have done. your own name, next. you hear a gentle chuckle coming from shauna. she knows what you’re doing, of course. you don’t stop.

the outline of wiskayok, as you remember from the map. she doesn’t seem to recognize this one, a little crease between her brows. “home” you tell her quietly and the crease vanishes.

it feels surreal that, somewhere out there, home is still a place. that wiskayok still exists to the people, to your families, your classmates, and everyone else back there. that it’s more than just a fading memory.

“you suck at drawing” she finally manages. it’s the first time you can hear the glimpse of amusement in her voice.

“what? you think you’re any better?” you whisper quietly, wanting it to last.

shauna shifts beside you, and takes your hand with a gentleness you didn’t think she possessed still.

now it’s your turn to lay back and feel. she starts with words. “yellowjackets” she spells out. a small smile flashes over your features as shauna studies your face attentively. then, though it’s harder to make out, she traces the word: “champions��. your heart feels heavy with everything that could’ve been.

shapes are next: a tiny heart, resembling the shape of jackie's necklace, then a simple circle.

"that's a soccer ball" she whispers expertly. for the first time, you laugh. it only lasts a short moment before you remember where you are, and that the others are trying to sleep just a couple of meters from you.

you fall asleep with her hand in your own, as both of your eyes grow too tired and you drift off together.

other nights, when she’s fast asleep and -for once- doesn’t seem haunted by nightmares, you find yourself watching over her. it’s the only time you get to see her the way she’d once been: when her features aren’t tense or pained, but relaxed. when she’s the girl you met at the very first soccer practice years ago, who hasn’t known any of the things that’ll happen to her in this lifetime. you stay up all night, only realizing how much time has passed when light starts spilling into the cabin and she stirs up.

you know shauna hates being pitied. so while you do feel for her, instead of asking if she’s okay, you just stay close, offering your warmth and presence. when shauna’s frustration bubbles over, she lets herself scream or cry in your arms, knowing you won’t turn her away. you hold her tightly all through the waves of emotions, murmuring quiet reassurances, and she clings to you, even as she struggles to accept that someone genuinely cares.

“everyone else… they don’t understand. they couldn’t. but you-“ she murmurs softly. “you’re the only one who sees me. the only one who wants to.”

shauna begins to show subtle signs of protectiveness over you, too: always looking out for you and offering the little comforts she can manage. even though her gestures are often quieter than yours, and less obvious, she's found her own way of showing she’s come to care for you, and that she’s willing to fight for you as much as you’re willing to be there for her out there!! <3

#˙💌 ̟ !! ─ my works #shauna shipman #shauna shipman x reader #shauna shipman x female reader #shauna shipman x fem!reader #shauna shipman x you #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you

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zombieunicorngamerzu · 2 years ago

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Jackie Taylor x fem reader

(Jackie Taylor x fem reader - reader with body dysmorphia)

[Warnings - Talk of eating disorders and body dysmorphia, closeted lesbians, love confession, first times, body worship, praise, gentle soft-top Jackie, fingering, oral, vibrator, thigh riding]

You were checking yourself in the locker room mirror for the fifth time, frowning with focus as you pulled down on your shirt, sucking in. You had always been a curvier girl, always comparing yourself to every other girl you saw and thinking in your mind, “That’s what a normal body looks like, skinny, toned, pretty, while you were just curvy, thick, chubby as every single guy you spoke to would say. That’s one of the reasons you were now a closeted lesbian, I mean, it was 1996, lesbians weren’t really excepted and the only open lesbian you knew was Van, she was a really good friend to you and she had close to the same body type as you, but she had confidence and you just didn’t, you wished you could be as non-caring as her.

Jackie frowned from the corner as she did Shauna’s paint for the field, she always kept an eye on you, as the leader of the team and one of your friends she had to, but also it may be because she feels a little something more… But anyways, she kept seeing you tug at your uniform. Jackie kinda knew you always had problems with body confidence and eating, you always denied snacks or food when offered and only ever ate an apple or a granola bar for lunch. She tried multiple times to offer you food but you always said you liked eating the same thing every day, that it gave you routine and structure. The way you said it made Jackie worry, she always worried about you because she knows of your family life. Your parents, whom she met on occasions were super overprotective, Christian, conservative, republican people who sheltered you way too much, you were actually homeschooled only until this year when you finally got your parents to let you go to school just so you could play soccer.

At first your parents didn’t agree, saying how they didn’t want you to wear the uniforms that were too short, but you were able to get a custom uniform online with sleeves that went down to your elbows and shorts that went down to your knees and you promised them that you would excel and you’d get amazing grades. It put a extreme amount of pressure on you to be perfect all the time, sometimes you forgot to eat, or you’d skip lunch and go to study hall instead. Everybody on the team really worried about you because of this, especially Jackie, Lottie, and Van. Luckily this year at school you had kept up with the perfect image, getting straight A’s, behaving good at home and school, and doing your absolute grueling best at soccer and practice so you could show your parents that you were the best, even your coach told you that you needed to relax at some point, but you always just said you liked to work and move, it keeps you distracted.

“Hey, Y/N, are you okay? Jackie spoke with concern as she walked over to you, pulling you out of your thoughts, giving her a quick smile which she saw straight through as you spoke, “Yeah, I’m fine, just fixing my shirt.” She only nodded and crossed her arms, giving you a gentle look, “That’s the sixth time you’ve fixed your shirt Y/N, look, you look gorgeous, okay?” She smiled brighter as she turned you to face yourself in the mirror, making you blush simply from her hands on your shoulders as she looked at you through the mirror, “Even with this baggy conservative ass uniform, your one of the very few that can pull it off and make it look sexy.” She finished, making your heart speed up, (Did Jackie really think you were sexy?) “I’m not really going for sexy, I don’t like when people notice me like that.” You mumbled out, you really liked to just be invisible. You loved to be the best at things, but you never wanted to be noticed for your efforts.

“Well then, sorry toots but you are, your pretty and so sexy that even with this uniform that covers up all your good bits, you have the boys always drooling after you like dogs with a bone.” She complimented you, Jackie was tying to hype you up, to be the team leader and give you a pep talk, but really all it did was make you embarrassed and shy, blushing, you didn��t really believe her, every time you got compliments you thought they were out of pity, of coarse Jackie would give you compliments, she’s perfect. “Isn’t that right girls, Y/N is absolutely beautiful?” She yelled out with a smile, getting rounds of playful wolf-whistled, noises, “Damn straight!” Van called out with a smile while whipping Taissa with a towel, making her jump and nod. “Yeah, Y/N, you have no idea how pretty you are, I wish I had your curves honestly.” Lottie just smiled and walked up to you with that little head tilt she does, her eyes soft as she reached for your hands, looking you in the eyes, “Y/N, you shouldn’t even waste time worrying about your looks, your absolutely adorable and one of our best players, we all see how hard you work yourself, your beautiful and you shouldn’t ever think otherwise.” You smiled tenderly at Lottie’s little pep talk, but Jackie, Jackie honestly felt a wave of jealousy watching Lottie with you, a quick frown crossing her face, (Why did Lotties pep talk comfort you but hers didn’t, what’s so special about Lottie?” She thought, unconsciously dropping her hands from your shoulders to your waist to hug you from behind and nuzzle your shoulder with a smile, pretending to playfully pull you back against her in a “friendly” hug and totally not just doing that to get you away from Lottie.

You just laughed a little with a pink blush from all the attention, compliments, and Jackie’s hug, your heart was pattering so fast you were terrified Jackie would feel it or somehow see how you had this overwhelming crush on her. Jackie finally pulled back from the hug, calling the girls so you could head out onto the field and start practice, “Alright, let’s go Yellowjackets!” She cheered with a jump before you were all jogging out onto the field for another day of grueling practice. You worked your ass off like usual, only today you were driven by anger, or self-hatred, you were running and sweating, trying to mentally burn off as many calories as possible, really pushing yourself today, and it didn’t help that the softball boys were practicing right on the open field beside the team, shouting wolf-whistles and gross compliments. It only spurred you on more, which the team seemed to notice your attitude, getting some worried glances from the girls and coach, but Jackie was paying the most attention, coming over to you after practice as you were sitting on the grass, panting heavily while tying your shoes, sitting down next to you, “Hey, Y/N, nice footwork out there, what’s got you so pumped?” She tried to seem like she was teasing, her smile as she nudged your shoulder with hers, nodding over towards the boys, “You trying to make a good show for the boys?”

She just teased lightheartedly, Jackie really hoped that you didn’t like any of the boys, but she just wanted to use that as an excuse. She didn’t know if you were interested in her the way she was into you, and really, Jackie herself was severely confused about her sexuality but after so many nights fantasizing about what it would be like to be with a girl, only being able to masterbate and cum to the thought of girls, she assumed she was definitely lesbian. Even when she was dating Jeff she had to fake so many orgasms, she was only with him to try to convince herself to be straight, but eventually she just knew it would never work so she broke it off. You frowned at her question, you always got so worked up when Jackie would tease you about being interested In boys, that’s one of the reasons why Jackie did it, she thought you were adorable when you got flustered, your scoff as you looked up at her, “What? Of coarse not, they disgust me just from their stares.” You grumbled out, that was the truth, men just disgusted you, even from a young age while girls were fawning and gushing over boys you never got that attraction, you forced yourself to “date” like three boys in your lifetime and every single time all they ever said was, (They liked that you were thicker than other girls.) It just made you feel disgusted by your own body, knowing that was all you were seen for was… heartbreaking for you, and you grew a hated towards men instead. “You were just really working yourself out there, even Lottie couldn’t keep up with you.” Jackie chuckled with a worried look, but you were too busy looking down at your shoes, sighing, “Look Jackie, I’m fine, I just wanted to do my best.”

“Oh that was definitely your best, I’m proud of you.” Jackie smiled, putting her hand on your back in soothing rubs, making you soften a little bit and blush, looking up at her with a more sullen look of defeat, you were really tired and it was hard to keep hiding your feelings, Jackie’s expression softened too at your look, silently giving you a look of understanding as she spoke gently, “Hey, it’s Friday, how about you text your parents and ask if you can spend the night for a sleepover at my place?” You immediately smiled a little at the idea, your parents met Jackie already and they got the best impression from her and met her parents, they thought Jackie was the perfect little princess, (due to Jackie’s amazing acting skills) she won your parents trust and favor. So when you texted your parents while getting dressed in the locker room after practice, you got a yes as long as you were home by Sunday for church. Smiling at your phone before shutting your locker, you looked over at Jackie with excitement and relief, “They said I could-“ Jackie cut you off with a teasing smile and tone with her hands on her hips, “As long as your home by Sunday, yeah, yeah.” You giggled at Jackie which made her only smile more, she loved it when she got to make you smile or laugh, you rarely ever did due to your constant state of stress, so she treasured those moments.

“Come on, let’s go.” Jackie smiled as she jingled her keys, giving you a playful look as she wiggled her brows, you just smiled gently with a nod, grabbing your duffel bag before heading out with her to the parking lot. You got stopped by Jeff and some of his boys in a truck next to Jackie’s car, you could practically predict some sexual remarks as soon as you saw their smiles and stares, like predators with their prey, Jackie grabbed your hand immediately with a confident look on her face, leaning closer to you to speak gently, “Hey, don’t worry, their just assholes, ignore them.” She gave you a gentle squeeze with your hand in hers, you always felt so protected by Jackie, it made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, your heart was pounding as she led you to her car, one of the boys shouting out from the trunk of the truck, “Hey, church mouse, show us your tits!” Jackie glared burning holes into the guys, that was your name at school, church mouse, it was derogatory because you were quiet, more private, and just a good girl overall. “Fuck off pervs, you wish!” Jackie spat back at them with a roll of her eyes, guiding you into her car before she got in on the other side, slamming the door and putting a tape in to turn on some music and drown out the guys before pulling out of the parking lot. “Hey, I’m sorry about those assholes, men only think one thing, sex, my mom always told me that.” Jackie gives you a gentle smile which you were grateful for. “It’s fine, thanks for standing up for me.” Jackie just nodded, her expression was so caring, reaching her hand over to place on your knee with a gentle squeeze, “Always.”

You got to Jackie’s house in about 30 minutes, she didn’t live too far, getting out of the car with your bag as she led you inside her house. Jackie’s parents were on vacation, which you didn’t know about, having the huge house all to yourselves which Jackie was practically jumping with excitement about as she led you up to her bedroom to settle in. “Are you hungry?” Jackie asked as soon as you both settled in, sitting down on her bed beside you, “I can order pizza or something while you take a shower.” She spoke with a hopeful tone that you’d say yes, she hadn’t seen you eat for the past couple of days and she noticed you’d lost some weight, your uniform shorts getting baggier than usual. You frowned at her words, you didn’t wanna say no and have her be suspicious, but also you didn’t wanna eat pizza, terrified of gaining weight. Jackie must have seen the worry and stress on your face, sitting up more in her bed to sit on her knees and take your hands, smiling reassuringly as she shook her head, “Or I can go downstairs and make us both fruit salads, Dad just got some fruit at the market the other day.” She tried to find to find someway to get you to relax and eat, “Because I’m starving, how does that sound.” You felt a wave of relief at her alternative suggestion, fruit wouldn’t hurt you as long as you didn’t overdue it, nodding with a small smile, “Yeah, sure, if it’s not too much trouble for you, I’m sorry to make you do that for me.” You apologized before she shook her head, “No, no, Y/N, i love doing things for you, go take a shower and I’ll come back up with a bowl for us and we can watch movies and just relax.” She smiled affectionately, getting out of bed swiftly.

You just nodded and headed to Jackie’s bathroom, she had one attached to her bedroom. You decided to take a quick hot shower, getting out once you were done before realizing you forgot to grab a change of clothes from your bag, cursing as you walked back into Jackie’s room, she wasn’t back yet so you just thought to drop your towel and get dressed, but unlucky or lucky for you Jackie was literally right at the door, holding two bowls, stopped with a burning blush and her mouth open as she caught a glimpse of your beautiful body through a wide crack in the door, since it was just you two, neither of you thought to close doors really. Jackie blinked a couple of times just in shock, you were so gorgeous, she just wanted to walk in and do unholy things to you, but she had to keep her secret until she was sure you weren’t straight. She decided to do a alternative, pretending to walk in with a loud. “OH! Sorry, Y/N, I thought you’d be done already.” She spoke quickly as she turned around quickly, you jumped with a burning blush on your cheeks at her having seen you naked, quickly pulling your shirt and shorts on, “God, I’m sorry Jackie- I didn’t even think.” She cut you off with a shake of her head before turning around once you were dressed with a blush, “No, hey- it’s okay, we’re both girls.” She chuckled out nervously, trying to hide the fact that she is blushing so hard not from embarrassment but from attraction to you, handing you a bowl of fruit which you took before sitting back in a beanbag chair in her room, there was a couple moments of awkward silence as you took a few hesitant bites while Jackie met your eyes a few times, “Y/N, you know your beautiful, right?” Her sudden words caught you off guard, rolling your eyes with a sigh which Jackie caught, “Hey, I’m serious Y/N, you are.” You just shook your head, speaking out mid-chew,

“Of coarse you’d say that, your literally perfect Jackie.” Your words made her blush with a soft smile as she stared over at you with a affectionate look. “I’m not perfect, but thank you.” She spoke shyer, shrugging before speaking again as she sat down her bowl, watching you eat while biting her lip, she was trying to be careful with what she said. “Y/N, can I tell you something?” You looked up at the hesitancy In her tone, nodding as you gave her your full attention as she stood up to sit closer to you in her bed, “I have a crush, on this person… and I’m not sure they feel the same way I do.” You felt your heart shatter at her words, at seeing your brief expression because she felt her heart flutter with hope, just a friend wouldn’t look so devastated at her best friends confession, you didn’t really know what to say except, “Oh, um, well- why don’t you just tell them, be blunt, the worst they can do is say no.” You shrugged, you were always a no none sense, blunt kinda person, you hated wasting time and beating around the bush. Jackie just smiled and chuckled at your advice, she always admired your advice, looking down as she spoke, “It’s not that easy, their a friend of mine and I don’t wanna ruin our friendship.” You shifted in your spot with empathy for her, it felt super awkward to give her relationship advice while your heart was breaking at the thought of Jackie being with anyone, “If they make you happy and it’s torture not being with them, isn’t it worth the risk instead of suffering?” You spoke from your heart, realizing how close you and Jackie were when you saw her nod, her eyes briefly flickering down to your lips, god- you were such a hypocrite, and fuck- why is she so pretty?

“She’s too important for me to loose.” Jackie spoke out softly before her eyes widened, realizing what she just confessed when she saw your expression change, it wasn’t hard to click the pieces together just the, she meant you, Jackie liked you? You knew it was you as soon as she said, she. Jackie quickly just took in your shocked expression before catching you copy her, your eyes flickering down to her lips, making her swallow and slowly lean in closer, her heart racing when you didn’t pull away, her hand reaching up to your cheek before she pressed her lips against yours in a slow, passionate, deep kiss, sighing out against your lips in pure relief when you started to kiss her back. You were so happy you couldn’t help but smile against her lips, making her smile too, pulling away with such a bright smile it made your heart flutter, the both of you catching your breath as you stared into each others eyes, her voice was a little raspier than normal, making you flush, “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” Her words shocked you, you were so sure Jackie was straight, you’d trained yourself to be heartbroken and miserable your whole friendship with Jackie while watching her with Jeff, but now she was confessing she liked you? It felt like a dream. You just stared at her with this look in your eyes that made Jackie heat up, you looked so adorable to her, leaning back closer as she sat up on her knees, cupping your cheek with a soft tone,

“Your so beautiful… please, let me show you how beautiful I think you are.” Jackie husked out while slowly pushing you down on her bed, carefully straddling your lap with a shutter when she felt how hot you were against her core through the thin fabric of both of yours sleep shorts, god she was embarrassingly wet already, sighing out as her eyes fluttered, looking down at you as she gently slid her hands under your shirt to your hips, rasping out, “Is this okay, Y/N?” She asked you gently, watching your expression for any signs of discomfort. You just nodded with a breathy, “Yes, Jackie…” She smiled down at you so sexy, rolling her tongue against her teeth before leaning down to kiss you slow and deep, nibbling on your bottom lip a few times as she rolled her hips for the first time, the noise you made against Jackie’s lips made her groan, pulling back with a nuzzle to your nose, tugging your shirt off over your head, “Your so fucking perfect, Y/N, I swear to god…” she spoke with such passion and adoration as she squirmed in your lap to sit back and kiss down your neck to your chest, her hand sliding behind your back for your bra clasp, making you shutter as she spoke again for consent, her breath against your ear as she pushed down against you, “Can I?” You were hesitant this time which she noticed immediately, skipping your bra to rub your back and pepper more kisses across your gave this time which made you giggle, “Jackie…”

She smiled at your giggles, “What? I’m just appreciating the beautiful baby girl I have under me.” Her words made you blush, rolling your eyes before Jackie cupped your chin and guided your eyes back to hers with a more sensual tone, “I mean it, Y/N, I mean it when I say your beautiful and perfect and sweet and gorgeous…” The more she spoke the more embarrassed you got, so you decided to change the roles, pushing up your hips before grabbing Jackie’s waist to flip the two of you, getting a surprised squeal from her as her head hit the pillows, the bed squeaking as you threw your leg over her waist to straddle her instead, you had a tendency to get defensive or controlling when embarrassed or vulnerable, leaning down to husk against her hips with a lustful look,

“I think the beautiful one here is you, why don’t I show you instead?” Jackie just blushed, biting her lip, she wanted to worship you, to show you that you were gorgeous and that she wanted to take care of you, but also she didn’t wanna deny you the pleasure of getting to take control either if that’s what you needed, she’d be happy to receive.

“H-hey um- I have a vibrator in my dresser if-“ You were already reaching for her nightstand before she finished, making Jackie smile as she sat up on her elbows, laughing as you almost fell out of bed, you were just too eager and excited to see how Jackie would respond to pleasure, I mean you thought about, fantasized about it, but to get the real thing? Oh god… You were quick to crawl back to her side, and oh god, the smile on Jackie’s face was so adorable, like she only had eyes for you, leaning down to kiss her delicately before clicking on the tiny pink vibrator, deepening the kiss as you spread her thighs open more, making her sigh out against your lips, her eyes fluttering as you pressed the vibrator to her clit, moaning into your mouth with a shaky gasp, “Y-Y/N, O-Oh fuck- baby…” she was already panting against your lips, laying back in a arch as you circled the vibrator around her clit.

You bit your lip with a soft moan at watching her, making Jackie get louder. Jackie was panting, trembling, and squirming as she gripped at her sheets. When she heard your soft breathes and moans it only spurred her on, her voice getting higher and shakier before screaming slightly as you turned the vibe on a higher pace with a smile, “Y/N!” You only giggled out innocently, sliding your free hand up her torso to her cheek, caressing it while pressing the vibe harder against her clit, wiggling it as you leant down to nuzzle her cheek with a kiss, husking out the words that sent her over the edge, “Cum for me, Jackie…”

As soon as Jackie heard those words and locked eyes with you, she was gasping quickly and tensing, her face twisting into a pained-pleasurable expression while her mouth dropped open in a breathy-whiney moan while trying to maintain eye contact, she came harder than she ever had, screaming out at the intensity of her orgasm and the stimulation on her clit, crying as she lurched up, kissing you roughly so you could swallow her whimpers, slowly calming down into breathy pants, you watched as she slowly started to slump back down in a flushed mess, taking the vibrator off her clit before laying next to her, kissing her cheek, “Your so beautiful Jackie…” she chuckled out breathlessly before whining, her face scrunching up, “I was supposed to make you feel cared for, not the other way around…” You just giggled, you feel alot more comfortable at Jackie’s side after making her cum.

Suddenly after a couple minutes of snuggling and silence, Jackie sat up with a soft look before reaching for your shorts with a experimental tug while locking eyes with you, asking for permission, “A-Are you okay with me- you know… using my mouth on you?” Jackie spoke out so softly, a timid look on her face as she bit her lip with such a pouty look like a puppy, “Please? I wanna taste you, Y/N…” she practically whined out, making you whine at her cuteness, feeling a little embarrassed and self conscious about what she’s going to think about seeing you but Jackie just tapped your thigh, she saw you overthinking so she kissed your inner thigh, “Baby? Hey, i mean it when i say your beautiful. Every. Single. Fucking. Part. Of. You.” She spoke out between kisses as she slowly pulled off your shorts and panties, she looked completely in awe at the sight of your soaked pussy, her breath quickening as you saw her pupils dilate, her lips twitching into a smile, she looked disheveled, wild, primal, she looked like she wanted to devour you.

And devour you, she did.

Jackie immediately got to work at the first nod of permission, she didn’t use her vibrator, she didn’t need it, she was determined to pleasure you and she damn well was gonna show you how much she meant she cared about you, crawling up into her knees as she bent down into a arch, spreading your thighs open while rubbing her hands up and down your inner thighs soothingly, she thought your thighs were so soft and squishy, mumbling out to you, “I can’t wait to have you squeeze your thighs around my head baby.” Her words made your jaw drop, blushing so red as you let out a noise you didn’t know you could make, Jackie just smiled wildly, pushing your thighs up to your chest and holding them there before burying her face between your thighs. She went wild, pushing her tongue straight through your folds like she was starved, sucking on your clit before darting her tongue inside you, making you gasp out a moan, jerking with such surprise at the intensity of her actions. (Fuck, you really didn’t know Jackie was so good at this) Jackie ate you out like a starved woman, moaning and sighing out against your clit, every roll of her tongue and suck made you make noises you didn’t even know existed and Jackie was so fucking proud of herself, when Jackie pushed a finger inside you, you were surprised at how different hers felt from your own, it was different, but Jackie’s fingers were almost as experienced as yours, she knew exactly where to curl and pump, suckling on your clit while she flicked her tongue over your bud all while pumping her fingers at a quicker pace, it wasn’t long before you were trembling and tensing with a loud cry, clamping down on Jackie’s fingers so tight it made her moan as you came, covering her fingers in cum which she licked up every drop, her voice was so husky and hot when she spoke, you were recovering from your earth shattering orgasm, vision still back with muffled hearing as you heard her,

“Good girl, baby.”

You just smiled lazily, panting heavily as Jackie squirmed to lay down beside you, wrapping her arms around your waist to spoon you and kiss your shoulder, “Im so proud of you baby, your so fucking pretty when you cum.” You just rolled your eyes, making Jackie frown a little, tightening her arms around your waist, “Y/N, do I need to fuck you in front of my mirror and make you watch yourself until you believe it?” You choked on nothing at her words, eyes widening with your mouth open in shock at her words.

You had no idea how serious she was to do it either.

(Worked all fucking day on this masterpiece, nobody can convince me Jackie was straight, sorry not sorry)

#yellowjackets x reader #jackie taylor #jackie taylor x reader #yellowjackets #yellowjackets showtime

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lyjen · 10 months ago

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Ask for help | Part 2

Evan Buckley x Sister reader

A request by: @shauna-carsley - The request

Summary: As (y/n) and her fiancé get hit by a drunk driver, she loses the love of her life. Her family and best friend are trying to help her whenever and where they possibly can. Until she shuts them out.

<< Previous Chapter | 9-1-1 masterlist

Taglist: Let me know if you want to be added in the comments or message me! 😊🫶🏽

______

(Y/n) is standing in front of the station. Simply just staring at the giant red garage doors. After weeks of physical therapy, and talking to Frank she was back at work. She took one more deep breath, and walked into the firehouse.

With her bag slung over her shoulder, she walked over the threshold into the firehouse and made her way towards the locker room. When she heard a familiar voice calling through the firehouse. “Well if it isn’t my favorite paramedic!” Eddie’s voice spoke as he ran down stairs and across the floor towards his best friend. He opened his arms and pulled her into a hug. “Finally we get to work together again” he spoke as he almost squeezed her to death.

A smile formed on (y/n)’s face, Eddie’s arm patted on her back and he pulled back. Eddie held her shoulders as he scanned her body. She was looking good. She finally was dragged out of that deep dark hole.”I'm so proud of you” he said as he once more pulled her close and pressed a small kiss on the back of her head.

Eddie was happy to see that she actually was getting better.He slung his arm around her shoulder as he walked with her between the trucks, towards the locker room. “Are you ready for your first shift back?” he asked. She sighed, “Yeah.. I think I'm ready to get back out there, and actually do what I love.”

It has been a rough couple of weeks, months. Ever since Eddie came over to her house and confronted her with her problems, they’ve been closer than ever. Which even (y/n) didn’t know that was possible. She has been close to Eddie for years, but to think that this horrible situation actually made them become even closer, filled her heart with love. Eddie had helped (y/n) a lot in these last couple of weeks. If Eddie didn’t show up when he did, she still might have been in her bed, crying over Jay, or maybe she wouldn’t even have made it this far.

She went to therapy, which helped a lot. (Y/n) wasn’t the kind of person to talk to a stranger about her feelings, it made her uncomfortable. But she knew she needed help, so she had to just step out of her comfort zone, and set her standards aside and talk to Frank. What also helped was that she knew she had the entire 118 who had her back. Even if it was only a phone call or a text, it was enough for her. It made her feel like she was being seen.

A smile was spread across Eddie’s face as she said those words. “We’re happy to have you back (y/n), It hasn’t been the same here without you.” he spoke. (Y/n) softly nodded, while she pressed her lips into a thin line, not really knowing what to say.

She was happy to be back at the firehouse, but she was scared for this shift. It has been a while since she gave medical advice. But she knew she had her fellow paramedics to lean on, Eddie, Hen and Chimney would be there every step of the way.

(Y/n) walked into the locker room, following after Eddie. “Well if it isn’t my favorite Buckley sibling!” Bobby said as his eyes spotted her walking into the room. Bobby tied the lace of his boot and made his way towards the female firefighter who just entered the room.

Her brother was right there, just pressing the last button of his shirt. Evan scoffed at Bobby’s words, “Hello? "I'm right here!” he said offended, but Bobby just ignored him. Evan didn't seem too happy with Bobby calling her his favorite Buckley. But, for now he could live with that. He loved his sister, and he was happy to see her back at work again. So if that would mean that she was at the moment Bobby’s favorite, he was okay with that.

Evan felt a hand land on his shoulder, when he looks to the left he sees Eddie just laughing at his comment.

“Welcome back firefighter Buckley, glad to have you back.” Bobby said as he squeezed her shoulder. Her eyes wandered from the hand on her shoulder to Bobby. “Thanks cap, it’s good to be back again.” Bobby’s hand slipped away from her shoulder and he left the locker room.

“Ready for the chaos today, sis?” Evan spoke as (Y/n) let her bag fall onto the bench in front of her locker. “Are you ever really ready?” she asked as she started to peel off the taped on name of the floater who used the locker. Evan smiled at her reaction, that was the kind of reaction he would’ve expected from his sister. He was happy to see this side of her again. This time she wasn’t screaming at him, crying or feeling down. “We’ll leave you to it.” Eddie said as he walked out of the locker room with Evan following close behind him, when Evan stopped as he passed by his sister.

“If there’s anything wrong, just tell me. Okay? I'm here for you.” he spoke as he reassuringly squeezed her upper arm. “I know..” she says as she lays her hand on his and rubs up and down on the back of his hand. Evan gave her a small smile and jogged out of the locker room. “Oh and Buck..” Evan stopped in his tracks and turned around to face his sister once more. “Thank you… for not giving up on me.” she said while she fiddled her uniform shirt in her hands.

“Always.”

______

The sirens of the trucks and ambulance roared through the streets of Los Angeles. The blue and red lights were lighting up the night sky of Los Angeles, as they raced towards the scene.

The entire day the 118 had been on small calls like: cats that needed rescuing from trees and small kitchen fires. But this one sounded like they were going to be busy for a moment.

The ambulance pulled to a stop as Hen stepped on the brake. “We got this, lets go” Hen gave (y/n) a small peptalk. She trusted her, even though this was her first shift after her accident.

(Y/n) pushed the passenger door of the ambulance open and hopped out. She opened the door of the ambulance and she grabbed the medic bag from the back. But when she turned her face towards the scene, her stomach turned and she got the feeling like she couldn’t breathe.

It was exactly the situation she would’ve been in if she steered one inch to the left or right. She just stood there, like she had turned into a statue. The chaotic sounds on scene became an echo, nothing came through. Everything around her seems to be moving in slow motion.

She wanted to move, she really did. But it felt like her legs were made of stone, and she couldn’t seem to move. “(Y/n)?” An echo of her name sounded through her eardrums, but as soon as she felt a hand on her shoulder, she woke up from her trance. “(Y/n)? Are you coming?” Hen asked her partner. (Y/n) shook off the thought, “Yeah” she whispered, barely audible, and she followed Hen towards the scene.

The car crashed into a concrete wall and had just missed a tree.

Before the team came up with a plan on how to open the driver's door, (y/n) quickly put her index and middle finger on the neck of the victim, checking for his pulse. “He has a pulse but it’s barely there!” she said as she ran towards the other side of the car, which was busted open with a halligan so (Y/n) could enter the car.

Before she could get into the passenger side of the car, she stopped in her tracks as a vague figure stepped forward. “That could’ve been you.” his voice spoke. It was Jay. His voice. His body. The whole picture, it was here.

She felt like she was going to lose it right here, right now. (Y/n) closed her eyes for a second, “He’s not real.” she whispered to herself, and she got in the car. She had to stay focussed, she was going to prove herself and her team that she still could do her job, after all she had been through.

(Y/n) had heard his voice inside her head for weeks. But it looked like, just as everything in her life started to get good again, her mind was telling her no.

She leaned her left leg onto the chair and her right leg was balancing her on the floor of the car as she tried to access the man. The victim's head was leaning against the steering wheel, with lots of blood on the right side of the person's face. His head had hit the windshield. (Y/n) could see his eye rolling to the back of his head as she carefully helped the man to sit up straight so she could put on the neck brace.

The figure she was imagining was now in the back of the car, leaning over to look at what she was doing. “Well, that was too late for me” he said. That was typically what he would’ve said. He was the one with the darkest humor and the sarcasm all over the place.

She shook her head at the reaction of the figure. Maybe it would go away if she just ignored it and stayed focussed on the job. A shiver rolled down her spine as she took a look at the man’s face. It looked so much worse than she thought. “Hen, get me a neck brace!” she called over to her partner, who passed her a neck brace. She carefully slipped on the brace and secured it around her neck.

In the meanwhile Eddie was opening the driver’s door with the jaws so they could easily help the man get out of the car on a backboard.

“Let’s get a backboard!” Eddie yelled at the team, who passed the backboard towards the driver’s side of the car.

“Watch his head” Eddie warned the other firefighters as Eddie and Evan turned the man on his seat and slipped him onto a backboard. Another firefighter already had the gurney waiting on the side “Let’s move it!” Eddie spoke as a bunch of firefighters carried the backboard with the man on it towards the gurney and carefully heaved him over onto the gurney.

When (Y/n) stepped out of the car, and took a few steps back from the vehicle.

“You did a great job.” Jay’s voice sounded proud.

She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in, but it sounded more like a cry. Both her hands went into her hair and she let herself fall down on her knees. She felt like she was going to lose her mind all over again. Tears were rolling down her face.

(Y/n) knew she had to step into that ambulance with Hen, but as soon as Bobby saw her there, in the middle of the street. He told Chimney to get in the back of the ambulance and drive with Hen towards the hospital. Bobby knew she needed a minute as soon as he looked at her face.

“Hey hey hey! You okay?” Evan spoke up as he kneeled down beside his sister and slid his hand onto her shoulder, trying to comfort her.

She let her hands slide over her face, to wipe away her tears and to process what the hell just happened. (Y/n) looked silently at her brother, “I think so.. just, some stress I guess.” she whispered as she leaned her forehead against his shoulder.

“Sounds like this call was a little too close to home, Am I right?” Evan asked as he placed his hand on the back of her head, reeling her into his body. He felt her head nod against his shoulder as an answer to his question.

Her hands slipped underneath his arms to reach his back and she turned her head so her ear was now against his chest. They just stayed silent for a bit, hugging each other. That’s what she needed for a long time, someone who would just give her a hug sometimes.

Sure, she would get hugs from Eddie. But right now what she wanted was a hug from her brother, the brother who raised her, the same way Maddie raised Evan. And just tell her that everything was going to be okay. That she would be okay.

She pulled back from the hug and let her hands rest on his forearms. “This all made me think of.. what I’ve been through or what could’ve happened.” she spoke up as she looked down at her knees that were connected with the asphalt.

Evan nodded at her confession, he understood what she meant. This call was almost an exact copy of the situation she was in months ago. He remembered that night, the way his heart dropped at the sight. The way he wished that it wasn’t his sister’s car that crashed into the tree. The way he screamed her name on the top of his lungs.

After a few counts of silence (y/n)’s voice made its way through Evan’s eardrums. “I’ve been seeing him.” she whispered.

Evan’s face morphed into a confused look, he didn’t understand what she said. She has been seeing him? What did she mean by that? “What?” Evan said as he furrowed his eyebrows at his sister.

“Jay. Sometimes I can just see him, and sometimes I can only hear his voice. I know I sound like a crazy person-”

“No, no, no! Not at all. You’re not crazy.” Evan interrupted as he felt like (Y/n) was sounding like she was going to rattle. “You’ve been through a traumatizing event, of course it’s gonna leave its scars. And I do believe that you can hear him or sometimes see him, and that’s fine.” He tries to comfort her.

He moved his hand to the back of her head as he looked into his sister’s eyes.

“To me it sounds like you will never forget Jay the way he was. That you won’t remember him as the Jay you saw when you crashed your car.” Tears were welling into her eyes again as he said those words. She closed her eyes as she looked down to her knees and a tear escaped her eyelids. She pressed her lips into a thin line as she faced Evan once more. “Thank you” she cried. “Always” And he pushed the hand which was resting on the back of her head towards his chest, so she could bury her face into his chest. “I’ll always be there for you.”

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