#also i dont think its a toxic trait but idk how to put it lol

[dokjaism]

my mom trying to get me to say that i am smart is so funny to me

[thesweetestdevotion]

Could you do Enhypen jay as a husband??

Enhypen Jay as a Husband:

Dice: Cancer, Jupiter, 8th House

Tarot: Four of Wands, Eight of Coins Reversed, Six of Wands, Eight of Cups Reversed, The Lovers, Seven of Coins, Page of Swords, King of Cups, Strength, Four of Coins Reversed

Oh my my. He’s a total lover boy. I think he’d really enjoy being a husband lol. It’s like he sees it as a goal to work towards, but he also doesn’t hold on to the idea too much, he thinks its something he’d like to do but only if it feels right. he’s not gonna marry just for the sake of being married, he wants someone he really loves and also someone that will help build a new life with him. He literally got so many ‘romance’ cards its insane! He’d be very energetic and loving, and also put in a lot of work towards the relationship. He might even being to neglect other parts of his life because he’s so focused on it. I think he likes partnership and wants that traditional stuff like building/finding a house together, working towards similar goals, growing, etc… He’s like extremely in tune with his own emotions and this also gives him the ability to be in tune with his partners. Im trying to see if there is any downsides or if he would show toxic traits but… i just don’t see it! He’s that perfect husband type its so refreshing. I do think he might have outdated ideas in some places, but i see with the page of wands an eagerness to learn how to make it work with his person if that is ever an issues. I think he idolizes marriage to an extent, its sort of part of his ideal life. He craves the meshing of souls that happens in deep intimate commitments. I think he also wants a soft place to come home to, he might really like domesticity and admire people who have those nurturing traits. He wants the ideal marriage, one where they dont have secrets or resentments and they’re able to co-create a beautiful life as they wish. It’s a common theme in many marriage/fs readings but i do see he might take a step away from his usual work, there would be a shifting of priorities here. He’s like working hard now in order to get to a place where his relationship can be his main focus. he could be prone to codependency lol but, depending on his partner, it could be a good thing for him. He’s just a generally energetic person and when he’s excited or happy about something he puts his all into it. Idk he’s just very nice every time i read for him lol! I do see he might be dissatisfied?? Or just resigned in some way. Maybe deep down he feels like his dream is impossible, i think he could hear a lot of negative things about marriage and this might get him down. he might feel like he’s too emotional or delusional about it and its possible he keeps a lot of this info hidden from others. He’s a very sensitive man in a world where those traits are not acceptable in masculinity, so he def keeps a lid on all of this sadly, he also may feel rejected in many ways. Maybe the romantic opportunities he’s had so far have been dissatisfactory and disappointing so he often thinks about how its could be difficult to even find a partner willing to be with him. There’s a slight pessimism but his feelings towards marriage are still very positive. Like i said he feels very dreamy, emotional, sweet, optimistic about the future. I hope all his dreams come true <3

Hope you guys like it!! Xoxo

[yingandyangspirit]

Warning! Half asleep dream story it's a little messy but motivational

So, I have an extremely toxic trait of ruining my life by going mia on my jobs when I feel I need some personal time and im feeling antisocial or if I dont feel liked which with bpd is a constant battle we think everyone hates us which is also how I lost my two previous jobs lol but anyway I was having a dream the beginning is hazy but someone was testing my phone I think idk and she texted Jody foster idk why that name either into a group chat with my coworkers and everyone started shitting on her calling her annoying no one likes her shes a spy she talks to much goes and tells people stupid stuff they don't care about etc and I'm like fuck this shit that's how they feel about me im not going and im not telling anyone fuck this job the whole 9 but then i was like you know what no i need to go i need this job i just won't talk at all which is impossible for me and when they see im to quiet they always ask if im ok but anyway moral of the story i think thats some serious personal growth and im pretty proud of myself usually dreams you're like fuck it lets be toxic but I tried to get over it and be better ive put so much effort into changing and becoming a better person i really feel and see the changes that are happening its a long process but im getting there and i will succeed my bad for this long confusing ass post im half asleep but I just had to write this dream before I forgot the whole thing and I have no one else to tell this to lol so here you guys go

[dismalest]

is this a rant ? idfk i guess its more me rambling. this isnt a callout to anyone, literally i dont care if u find bum cute or w/e, i think he can be cute. but i guess a more talk on how he is. for the most part.

i just want to make this so that i can get this off my chest. as much as you may love bum, as much as he seems cute to you--- he is not entirely this uwu innocent baby. he is a literal stalker, he has so many restraining orders against him. he has stolen, and broken into peoples homes. he is the kind of guy who would genuinely sleep in your closet at night without you knowing. he doesn’t care if you feel uncomfortable by it, because has literally no concept of how most people would feel if he did such things outside of his impulsiveness to follow these people all day. he will try and learn everything he can about you and just be a straight pervert. yes, he does have times where he actually is aware and feels bad for infatuating but thats usually after he’d get caught ??? 

im also guilty of this, but i am trying to make it apparent he is not supposed to be someone likable. he’s literally considered ugly half the time in ks LOL. that and he has poor hygiene, he wears baggy smelly clothes, is literal skin and bones. bum literally not a conventionally attractive man in korean beauty standards. he has no real concept of love outside of that oh if i feel this fuzzy feeling when i see someone attractive i am now going to be completely obsessed with them and do everything i can to feel their love without approaching them because i dont want to get hurt. which is. very twisted logic. 

idk, bum really had a shit life and deserved to at least get some kind of help, but didn’t. but it still doesnt excuse him being a very, toxic person in himself ? that being said i do really wanna explore his darker toxic traits more, but also want to keep from making anyone uncomfortable. ks is always something i loved indulging in as ive never had muses as complex and unique as bum ? i guess ?

i just want to make sure everyone is comfortable but also remind everyone he isn’t this good person, he literally refused to tell the police anything about sangwoo, he was an accomplice, he killed someone. 

anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk i hope this doesnt come off as like. me calling anyone out bc no everyone has been so lovely to me, this is more me rambling bc i have no where to put this LOL

[rosefromc0ncret3]

hoping for more good days.

been feeling so sad again lately. when am I not sad these days? been really wanting to seek mental health services again so I can get professional help. cried to my hr this morning cuz I wanted to inquire about therapy and when she asked if I was okay, all I told her was that ive been feeling really sad lately. we both shared a moment of sadness together lol, it was comforting knowing that im not alone with how ive been feeling. but it just sucks. teared up as I was talking to her and I wish I could find a way to just be happier. cue blue and grey, just wanting to be happy. been thinking a lot about how I treat people and wondering if I purposely push people away without knowing it. thats my own pain that I have to deal with and sort out, but I always wonder if I project that onto others or if im hurting other people unintentionally by doing that. I guess I just get bummed cuz this past summer and how many months have been some of the hardest months I had to go thru this year and I felt like I needed a lot of space. and I felt like I had to look inwardly for that. and now that I want to reach out to people and talk, it seems like I dont have anyone to talk to anymore. or maybe I should think of it in a way where I dont take it so personal. like it has nothing to do with me. cuz even tho im super struggling during this time, I have to keep in mind that other folks are as well.. idk. I guess I just miss when I knew I could call someone and they’d be there. maintaining friendships during this time has been so hard. and I feel like ive been forced to face a lot of past shit that ive been suppressing and trying to let go of my own toxic habits and traits. trying my best to be patient with myself. but I cant help but feel like a bad person or feel hella selfish when I have to put myself first. idk, I also get hella butthurt when I try to reach out to people and they aren't there. cuz it makes me feel like im not important. or it makes me feel like im just not worth talking to. I always say this, but I wish my worth wasn't linked to what other people think of me. or how often they reply to me. I find myself always comparing myself to other people when I know that doesn't help. doesn't give me any solutions whatsoever, and if anything it just makes me feel more like shit. idk, ive been hella crying cuz in short I feel so lonely. so extremely lonely. and idk what to do anymore. idk who to turn to and idk what to even say these days cuz at the root of it, I just feel incredibly lonely. like I have no one to talk to. no one to listen to me. and especially no one who understands me. sometimes, I get kinda triggered when folks say to reach out to someone I trust cuz I feel like idk who I can talk to like that now. I feel like this pandemic has just enhanced so many of my feelings and I get so overwhelmed with how I feel and idk how to navigate them. everyone around me just seems so happy and it seems like im the only one hella struggling with my own emotions during this time. like I dont know who to even talk to cuz I dont want to just bring the mood down. or be seen as someone who's just hella sad all the time. I want to be able to process these emotions on my own, but it just gets rly hard sometimes cuz idk how else to express it... besides cry. been thinking a lot about how I just handle these emotions and its like idek what to do with them. I hope in the future I can be better at navigating things. my hr told me today that the first step to trying to be happy and better is taking action. and the limbo is always the hardest part. I also have to remind myself that taking action can mean a lot of things. even something like this, taking my time, and researching different resources around me. sigh. I hope in the future I can be abundant in many ways. financially, academically, and in love too.. whether platonic, familial, or romantic. I hope to be so strong and secure in my character that these thoughts dont shatter or take over me. and I won't believe them either. sigh. deep breaths in. and deep breaths out. hoping for better days always. here's to one step closer to those better days and feeling loved and fulfilled. 

[themaryiestsuetoeversue]

romance meme thing

tagged: @discguise

tagging: @hohoholdup, @shiftxdxquilibrium, @sayurismiles, @orlandodell, whoever else wants to steal it

repost, dont reblog

Name: Poppy Somma  Nicknames: Variations of the scientific names for chemicals derived from the plant she’s named after, linguistic plant jokes, status titles Gender: Ciswoman Orientation: Lesbian Preferred pet names: Any positive feminine term of endearment in her partner’s first language. Relationship status: single, much to her chagrin

Favorite canon ship: OCs...don’t have canon ships...and nothing has happened officially on this blog yet? @fractacrystalli might count as a canon ship, idk Favorite non-canon ships: nothing has been finalized but @rottenmiso‘s femtag and @peppermint-passions‘s rae come to mind. i’m v open to shipping as long as i’m given a headsup/have permission lol

A quick note on shipping: I am multiship but single ship for each verse? RN i technically have: 1. terrorau pokemon, 0 ships. nonterror pokeau: infinite slots open, each ship is its own verse. Japanau: infinite slots, each ship is its own verse. Persona au: 0 atm. Vampau: infinite slots. WOD au: 0. Poppy herself is not against polyamory, she just does not believe that she herself has the ability to manage it well. She’s not against TRYING, but if I go for it, please don’t expect it to be hunky dory immediately. There’d be a learning curve and it may or may not work out. That’s how life works. For monogamous relationships, I don’t need exact detailed plotting, but I’d appreciate a heads up if you want to ship and you’d need to be comfortable that it won’t be 100% smooth sailing either. Poppy is a difficult person to deal with, relationship strain is going to happen. I want the bad as well as the good in a ship. If I can’t see any interesting potential in a possible ship, I will decline. 

Opinion on true love: It exists, and it can happen more than once, and it’s ideal but it’s not a thing she expects can happen for herself.  Opinion on love at first sight: She kinda thinks most people - herself included - only experience the shallowest form of love at first sight - infatuation, temporary lust, etc. - but she also believes that if you follow up on that, it can turn into something deeper and that there’s nothing inherently wrong with quick flash in the pan flings as long as all parties involved agree to it.  How ‘romantic’ are they: As much as her partner allows tbh. Given permission, she’ll go over the top and put in all of the effort to making things perfect, but her partner’s comfort is more important than her own, so if they aren’t a fan of too much romance, she’ll tone it down as much as she can. (she still prefers someone who will let her be a sap on occasion tho)

ideal physical traits: i did a post on this a while ago but: femme, counterculture aesthetics, or occult aesthetics, especially vampire, she thinks asians are cute purely on an aesthetic level but its literally so far down on her list it might as well not be a checkbox ideal personality traits: patient, warm, affectionate, calm, good at domestic tasks to pick up her slack, doesn’t MIND picking up her slack in the first place, appreciates her scientific enthusiasm and neurodivergence, is nerdy enough themselves that they can have common interests, let’s her mother them and mothers her in return, has to be okay with cats, has to be okay with intimacy and commitment, loyalty Unattractive physical traits: not much but what she does have are a few deal breakers: bad personal hygiene (she’s good at this herself but sometimes her living space is a mess. having two messy people in one living space doesn’t bode well.) visibly a senior citizen.  Unattractive personality traits: controlling, overbearing, anything on the “Are they abusing you” checklist, can’t keep secrets, actively harasses people in service positions, hates cats, is ableist and doesn’t even attempt to change, doesn’t take responsibility seriously, refuses to compromise over anything, refuses to commit or share any emotional intimacy at all ever in any way, can’t keep promises ideal date: stay inside cuddling the s.o while doing something quiet OR indulging in a shared interest together. Do they have a type?: Yamato nadeshiko archetype (simply because it tends to come bundled with all the nurturing and domestic skills she needs to compensate for her lack of them), shy-blue haired girl (they tend to be nerdy), supernatural creatures, especially vampires, neurodivergent people because they tend to understand her life struggles better, nerds in general, goths in general, shy shrinking violets in general

Average relationship length: She only ever had one and it lasted a few months at most. 

preferred nonsexual intimacy: cuddling, touch, sharing secrets, pouring their hearts out to each other, deep discussions, quality time Commitment level: she will literally die for you and expects you to do the same for her. She views dating as a way to find your partner and probably rushes into wanting to be serious too fast, to be honest. Opinion of public affection: 100% okay and natural. She has sex in public nightclub bathrooms, so I mean...It’s love, it’s nature, if you don’t like, don’t look. That being said, PDA has it’s place and out on the street in daylight holding up foot traffic is not the place to have a quickie. Past relationships: One: Tina. It was intense, toxic, and didn’t last very long, although when it occurred in her life depends on the verse.

[idksheepthoughts]

RE: Conversation points...

1. Yes because I feel responsible for all misfortune because I am a demon within a human and the more humans I trick into being close to me and manipulate and have these powers to just make people tend to like me somehow??? Because idk what I did to obtain this power, perhaps it is Fel who is inside of me a demon and therefore just have always had this ability to get people to keep talking to me just by continued contact until they realize I am too toxic and then they leave?? I also just absorb any negative emotions from people I let in. I just do ??? But when I ignore shit you start getting guilt trippy that nobody interacts??? am I supposed to be upset or am I supposed to just accept that you’re experiencing emotions???? LIKE I don’t know???

2. Because people have unfriended me or blocked me etc before and we’ve continued like nothing happen until I noticed it. People are fake, people are always fake and lie to me. Its why I have trust issues. Its why im paranoid always and I just can’t ever tell if people are just taking advantage of me or not. It was an accident but still just like.. maybe tell me it accidently happen so I dont fucking explode like this in the future??? NAH???? just gonna let this sit and wait for me to find out and have me explode and be angry ????? maybe if you followed me you would know that this shit happen recently and maybe that i would connect those two things as being similar??? byut oh wait i dont really talk about my problems that much with you because ... what was it???? idk we mostly just bullshit around in our conversation and I try to fumble my way through trying to help or whatever the hell you want out of this friendship... idk anymore.

3. I was really intoxicated and it was hard to process so many words all at once while I was splitting on you and hating your entire guts at that very moment. Black and white thinking is a trait. I realize that it happens and i even said I’m splitting really early on in the conversation. So take things with a grain of salt. AGAIN trust issues and irrational thought patterns.

4. Was that not what I was doing at the very beginning of the conversation???? BUT you always respond in such a sarcastic hateful bitchy tone every fucking time i even ask a damn question. all your lol and lmao and shit. MAYBE IF YOU just told me ‘oh it was an accident my bad.’  in teh first place we wouldn’t fucking fight all the fucking time??? LIKE the way you rrespond just leads me to believe you dont give a shit. and i know you dont give a shit and i know this isn’t me assuming because you  cause you just respond like a fucking sarcastic mean person all the time all the fucking time all the fucking time all the fucking time all the god dman time you always do that always always always and it doesn’t help me want to be calm and shit. It makes me punch desk and almost a hole in the wall . desk is solid i can punch that over and over until my kunuckles bleed. which guess what i was doing while we had this convo. not that youll ever find this shit. and if you do HELLO (: 

5. It wouldn’t be a problem???? well clearly it is. again if you followed me or if you even knew me better you would know that being imagined or not abandoned in any from sends me into episodes!!!!!! and yeah i mentioned a lot of people because those people have been there for me. and i’m glad they are still fucking alive because everyone i fucking am close with seems to be just as damn suicidal as I am and wanting to die and could attempt at any time and I just wanted to do something nice for once and try and just ... idk ????????? and the fact that you responded how you did on twitter after i did that made me really upset. because all i wanted to do was be thankful for the people. which was the whole fucking point of the post.... like DAMN way to twist soemthing positive into something that would explode and escalate. perhaps it is my broken brain that does this but still...... you could have just idk ... thrown a like and been like thanks. no you make everything about you YOU YOU. how you dont have friends???? I’M SORRY i tried helping but nothing i said worked. So just keep trying?????? if you really wanted some friends use tinder and get fuckbois all damn day they are easily manipulated and you could just get fucked like you want and have someone. it wouldn’t be a good relatiosnhip like you want but it would probably fufill basic shit. But nah that be too easy. I always think to just suggest that. but it probably end up with you just... not following through and whatever. im off topic.

6. Trust issues, yes , paranoid??? yes, distorted sense of reality??? Easily fuck up interpersonal relationships because of disorders??? think so... I am fully aware that these behaviors are bad. I know its not good to do these thigns but also I can’t stop it?????? I can’t stop it without actually knowing how to stop it??? and that would require money? access to treatment. which i’ve told you tons of time to do and take advantage of while you are still covered by your fucking parents and school and all that shit because i didn’t when i was younger and now im more fucked up then ever (: (: (: (:

7. Yeah you have to hold my hand... i’m just fucking stupid, and need extra stuff. I’M NOT LIKE YOU AND I CAN’T perceive things easily. you have to just be blunt and explain things because I just need that to understand. ???? is that so burdensome???? that I just need to have things explained over and over. Sorry.......

8. I am grateful???? that was the whole point of the thing???????? of thanking people for being alive and putting up with my awful mess???? Side note. lmfao you are not capable of murder. I love that expression you cry when you’re angry you woudln’t be able to kill someone. I however fucking have.... whatever thinking too much. saying too much saying too much. it was self defense dont worry.

9. I dont think your life is dandy??? I know its hard! but what the fuck do i say??? I’m sorry your life is shitty, I know it sucks but please dont die? i’ve said that a lot before.... im a broken record that you seem to not like that all i say is the same things over and over????? I dont have a super fucking positive outlook i might actually kill myself sometime after the new year. I dont believe everything will be alright if you try your hardest. but i can sure as fuck lie and tell you exactly that. but when i dont believe it myself its hard to keep that lie going. (: (:  I know i told you i was proud of you for going to counselling that one time but as far as I know you haven’t followed up on that... like i never know how to give you affirmation that you are trying. Clearly you are. you are going to school and even managed to get a job too! you are trying very hard. and i noticed that but i guess i didn’t show it. Sorry im bad. i’m the worst.

10. your defining personality trait that makes me split really hard. I get that I should just have thicker skin. But I just don’t.... just whatever you wont change that aspect.

11. Schizophrenia..... Delusions?? yup.. pretty sure thats a symptom?? Unlike me you dont have that problem with you brain. congrats another way to belittle me for being alive. but also like you can be irrational as you want. I just wont keep i guess whatever trying to argue and be the rational voice anymore. you believe what you want im done trying to help. i can’t help i can’t help at all.

12 sorry... i’m a horrible friend. You should have just fuckign left already... all I do is ruin everything. I’m better off dead.