#also i don't wanna switch pharmacies

[wickedhawtwexler]

apartment hunting is so stressful :(

[arteethst]

I. “This Empty Home.” Creepypasta/Slendermansion/Slenderverse fanfiction.

Let's get this out of the way with a long author note:

Lord forgive me this is so random but I was thinking about what Tim got up to after/post Marble Hornets. Then that led to how he's in the whole Slendermansion that came to be. I'll try to make this as in character as I can, with my own silly headcanons on the side, so it MIGHT get a little fucked up. I just want to write. There will be other slenderverse and creepypastas in here trust like one whole big connected world except emh? They're still technically in the iterations but I'll make it work fr fr.

I wanna try to focus on different characters with each chapter as an introduction and story on their role in the Slendermansion. That's not all though, we'll also do some lore and plot so do not fret! Anyways, I'm genuinely open to any possible ideas/headcanons to slip on there, maybe even NON-PROSHIP romantic ships, as well as kind criticism for writing! I don't expect this to do good but I just wanted to make that stuff clear and I'm doing this for funsies! :3 Reblogs end up being appreciated and bragged over to my friends.

It was a quick stop at the gas station. Doing the whole routine of pumping and paying his gas, picking out coffee and a burger, and stopping in the bathroom. It didn't have much to offer but this crummy burger would do and at least it would take his mind off of what happened. Everything is fine. Is what he could remind himself when his mind wandered far off the road. He didn't know where he could go. He didn't know if anyone was after him for what happened.

Yes, the paranoia got to him enough to shave off his beard in the dingy lit bathroom. The leftover hair piled in the sink along with the droplets of blood from accidentally cutting himself. He rubbed the stubble and felt the cut was still fresh. The blood. The blood was a reminder. Wiping his tears washed away the blood on his fingertips, it felt like a flip switched in his brain and he left the bathroom to head out to his car.

The drive to New Jersey was long and loathsome torture for Tim with the radio, that had the same songs on repeat, and cigarettes accompanying him. He made it to Pennsylvania the next day and early in the afternoon. He rubbed his eyes as he pulled into the rest area, thank the map for that. He needed a nap cause' the coffee was a waste of money, his narrowed eyes spotted a familiar figure in the tree line. It's long limbs and blank face could haunt anyone. His eyes however were far too heavy to fight.

He snapped awake and a sharp gasp led to a coughing fit. He desperately reached into his coat pocket and struggled to open the bottle. Once he popped it open, he poured the rationed medication into his hand to lift up and swallow dryly. He would have to get more soon which meant going into a pharmacy, doing that would be more dreadful than he could handle right now.

He rested his forehead against the steering wheel, the cold leather cooled his head. He glanced up and there laid that damn mask. It was placed on the hood of his car and he cautiously got out. He looked over his shoulder while he snatched it off the car. There was a dried splatter of blood on it and he did his best to clean it off, it felt taunting. There was a strange pull to the mask and something within him condemned him to hover it closer. “No. No!” He cried out and dropped it on the ground.

He began to desperately stomp on it until it was unrecognizable. His eyes darted back to where he saw it in the tree line, there was nothing. He got back into his car and started the drive through the backroads, since traffic and shitty drivers would get him irritated enough to start chain-smoking. He wanted to save his pack for whatever came up and there was always something.

Something came sooner than expected. He was driving down an isolated road and that's when he noticed he had been driving without gas for who knows how long, his car came to a slow stop, enough to pull over. He pulled out his phone to check if he had service, which there was none, and looked up at the right time to see reflective green eyes shining from the ditch. It revealed itself to be a deer slowly climbing up to inspect the car. For Tim it was peaceful and irritating at the same time. The doe didn't have to worry about where to go next like he did because it ran across the road once he slammed his hand against the horn, “Damnit,” he mumbled to himself. This was not what he needed, let alone in the evening on a never-ending road. More deer followed behind the one that ran, it was almost funny to see how many started to cross the road now.

He sat there and watched the forest animals slowly cross the road, a few stopped to stare at Tim. He didn't like that but he figured they probably didn't like him either. He shook his head and stepped out of the car, to his surprise, the deer didn't run. They watched him retrieve behind his car to pop open the trunk, doe eyes and no eyes were on him. The nostalgic sound of television static hummed in his ears but he knew. Yep, he knew.

He straddled his bag on his back and whipped around. Frantically scanning the dark woods on each side of the road and finally spotted it. In the blink of an eye it was gone and now behind the herd of deer. He glared at it with the static getting louder, taking out his suitcase and a flashlight.

He never broke his stare even as he slammed the trunk shut, that sound scared off the remaining deer on the road. Tim stood in the middle of the road and he stood firm on his ground. His hand slid into his jacket and pulled out a pocket knife. He pointed the blade directly at that cheap suit to serve as a warning and a threat. Until he felt the tickle of an incoming coughing fit but that didn't stop him from what he was about to do. He let out a strangled roar and threw the knife forward with the hope to aim at it. He was just about to fall to his knees when the ground below him changed entirely, the scenery around him changed entirely as he found himself and his luggage in the middle of the woods. The cough still came and he fell forward anyways.

A few more pills were popped and the throbbing headache subsided. He picked up his flashlight and stood up on his own two feet again, the static was gone so that meant it was gone for now. A trail lay ahead of him, now he didn't know where he was and that earned a frustrated scream in itself. He thought it was over. He thought he was going to get better and leave Rosswood to leave all of this behind, and now it seems he would never be free. A dam of thoughts, memories, and worries flooded his head. Unknowingly, Tim had been holding in his breath. This was not the time to breakdown and give up now but that didn't stop the mixture of anger and resentment towards it. He wanted to spite it now if it was even possible to spite it so, he trudged along the trail.

Pages that looked just like the ones Alex used to scribble out were scattered along the trail and he picked up each of them. Aside from Marble Hornets and what happened. Alex was still someone he liked and he was a good guy. These pages were the last thing of him, in total he collected eight of them and shoved all of them into his bag. The path took turns before eventually coming straight and onto a dirt road. “Follow the dirt road," he grumbled. The road led into a driveway with a wide open, almost welcoming, gate. Now, Tim wasn't sure if this was private property or not but the condition of the house was questionable.

It looked run down and abandoned with no sign of life or well, he hoped for no signs of life. He came up to the front porch and checked the nearby windows. He hesitantly knocked with zero response coming after so he could take his chances and fumble with the rusted doorknob. The door actually creaked open and he staggered inside, despite the ugly appearance on the outside it was beautifully decorated and neat. There was also a copious amount of dust and spiders that he killed whenever one crawled too close for comfort. He searched the dark halls with his flashlight and opened countless doors for a self-guide tour of the place.

He found a few empty bedrooms that showed no clear signs of anyone actually living there at all. He picked a room and set his belongings in there right on the bed, another bed was across the room. Each of the rooms had two twin beds on each side as if the rooms were meant to be shared, the house made him think this is what a prison felt like. It was eerie and uncomfortable but it would be fine. He turned on a few of the lights and now he had a mental map of the home's layout. He stumbled upon a few interesting things too, the basement was made into a makeshift medical room with everything you could really need in first aid and medicine.

He made his way back upstairs and found the kitchen with nothing in the fridge and nothing in the cabinets. Tim figured he should check outside later too, maybe this house was on the market. It was a new low to do some squatting, his only justifications were his car breaking down and the creature following him all his life. He was going about back to the room he picked when a static buzzed its way into his head, coming in like a fly to lay maggots in his ear. An odd combination of voices saying different words somehow made a coherent sentence that spoke, “You're in my domain. Welcome home.” The voices came from behind him and at the end of the hall, there it was.

“What?” He spun around and immediately stepped back, “Home? This is what you call home?” and the voice gave a clear response, “Yes.” He genuinely could not believe it, unreal and wrong is what it was to him. “You can talk,” He muttered with this new information processing. “In a sense, yes, this is a translation.” It answered like that was a question.

Tim made the impolite move to run away back to the room and it watched. Back in the room, he swiped his belongings and spoke his thoughts aloud, “Hell no I'm not staying here. This is not a home.” He was just about to throw his suitcase out the window when the door swung open and it appeared in the doorway. “You're not leaving,” the voices raised with each word. “I am!” He argued back and tossed his suitcase out the window, throwing a leg over to make his haste.

A fairly large hand slapped the back of his head and yanked his hair back, its wrist snapped like a branch as it dragged him back. His cries and screams went unheard. It looked down at him and tilted its head, it didn't say anything at all but Tim cursed and pulled away. “Stay or you will die.” It hissed, it was threatening him. Tim stumbled towards the bed and rubbed the back of his head, he flinched away when his suitcase manifested next to him on the bed and the window closed.

The final string of different voices uttered to him, “Welcome home, you work for me tomorrow.”

I HOPE THIS WAS A GOOD START AND GAVE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION!! :D THANK YOU FOR READING.

(Word count: Fuck if I know.)

[bitchy-peachy]

Update:

One of my tenants is a nurse and she's gonna help teach me how to put special shots on my stomach (my doctor prescribed shots to deal with my chemo better).

My pharmacy delivered the shots home personally and now they're in the fridge waiting for tomorrow.

I have chemo on Monday so yay I guess.

Sorry I haven't talked to anybody but I'm trying to learn how to calm myself down cos my drug induced depression really made me asocial af.

Thanks to my studies I know what's my real emotions and what are drug induced ones. I would never recommend self-diagnosis but considering the knowledge I have... yeah, I went down that route and gave my self-diagnosis to a psychiatrist as well as a med list i believed would help me and she listened to me unlike the male doctor I was given the first time.

So I'm on my way to getting better.

My steroids caused me the most hard-core depression that my teen suicidal tendencies had returned with a vengeance so bad that my head doctor had to take me off steroids earlier than expected.

I'm getting better now but now I'm starting to feel my REAL depression. No suicidal tendencies or anything... just feeling very exhausted and unworthy of the care I'm getting cos people are too damned good to my messy ass and i don't know how to handle kindness so i cry like an idiot.

It'll take awhile for the effects of the steroids to be completely out of my system and my prescribed meds to start finally kicking in so I'll be gloomy for awhile longer. (Weeks or months even. This is why I hate steroids)

I wanna handle this depression first before resuming my regular social activities again cos I feel like I'm unintentionally dragging people down into my misery and I feel even worse for it.

I don't want pretend to be happy. I want genuine happiness. My family knows when I'm faking shit. They don't like it and call me out pretty fast.

I'll need to take my percocet at 10 cos my doctor wasn't around all week and couldn't give me the pain patches that really took my hip pain away like a switch.

Strangely I'm walking better and am managing to cook, but I need my roller walker to move but I'm doing a lot stuff on my own. (Still need some assistance but not as much as before so that's good I guess)

The pain is bad when I wake up, sit on the edge of the bed and stand up. After that if I'm walking or standing for awhile... I'm fine.

Made Luthian and I some Mediterranean sandwiches since I've changed my diet for a "cancer friendly" one and we were by ourselves in the house. Turns out Luthian loves my diet so every time I say I'm preparing something, they ask me to make extra and they gobble it all up. First time I've seen them eat that fast. 🤣 Gotta sneak out of my room to make us more food since relatives don't want me outta my bed. If I had gotten busted I wouldn't been allowed to cook, lol. I like cooking new recipes as soon as I learn them (found a sweet soup dumpling recipe I wanna try. I can't fry them but I can boil for my soups and homemade sauces)

That's a good food for Luthian too. These diets not only fight cancers but also prevents them so my kid being healthier makes me a lot calmer. They tend to be picky with food and now they eat and leave the plate clean... so I guess my kid just needed different foods with different spices.

Unto other things: My arms get tired quickly but it's cos I'm using them a lot. 😔😥 I need the exercise and I know it but damn my shoulders pop so loud whenever I roll them after doing strenuous activities. My whole skeleton is an orchestra.

Then there's the tiredness.

Like "lifting my whole body weight with my noodle arms" kinda tired. (Quite literally. I'm like teke-teke lifting my entire body, useless leg and all, with my arms. If i start walking with my hands only i know Luthian would hate my guts cos they fear teke-teke big time)

Anyways, my pills are giving me hot flashes again and I feel strangely horny by myself in here. I'm hoping it passes quickly cos I know it's another drug induced thing.

Like what's up with that? My doctor told me my estrogen restricting pills could take or lower my libido completely due to early menopause (It stopped my period since last year)...

Another doctor told me I could have a different reaction sexually... like a higher sex drive despite no longer ovulating since every woman takes to hormone treatments differently.

These reactions are so damned weird.

Well that's all for now. Hopefully my chemo on Monday won't fuck me up like the last one that literally gave me a severe gastritis that had me hospitalized for 8 days. (No freaking joke. That's why I lost 40 pounds so fast. 😭)

PS: checked my newest percocet instructions and the doc had actually upped it to twice the dose in less time. Damn, I must have looked like shit... my family said I'm looking better since getting my gastritis taken care off but the doctor really went "you need stronger meds asap!"

Took them properly now. Within 40 or so minutes I'll feel numb af. Might bother people on whatsapp until I pass out. I get chatty af when on pain meds.

[jezawitha-z]

friday sickness literally 😭

may sumpa na ata 711 sakin dahil halos binibili kong food lately from this store inaacid ako as in malala tas kanina sobrang masakit ulo ko. siguro dahil na rin to sa gulay na may dilis na kinain ko kanina sa work since triggered din pala acid ko sa dilis dati. 🤦🏻‍♀️

galing na akong pharmacy kanina bumili ng vitamins pero nakalimutan bumili ng antacid. too confident na di na magkakareflux ulit the heck halos babaliktad na nga sikmura ko kanina -_-

i just woke up from a nap and medyo maayos na pakiramdam pero masakit parin ulo konte. need to go back to sleep dahil ayoko naman umabsent mamaya :<<<< last shift na jai kapit lang

i just wanna be well because my adventurous heart is waiting to go to places na puro naka pin lang sa google maps app 😅 di ko na alam ano uunahin puntahan and planning to fully switch to paper journaling. i don't want to post anything na here in socmed but also my minimalist heart don't know if can really keep a physical journal lalo na i don't have a permanent place to live 😭 siguro stick parin kay tumblr hahahaha

[mondaymelon]

RAHHHHHH HIHIHIIIIII MELONNN <33

"i had a good dream that i thought was going to be very silly but then the ending was sad and i woke up and was like WAIT NO IT CANT END LIKE THAT . so i reworked the plot in my head and tried to go back to sleep to continue and fix the dream but wegh it didnt work... SOBS."

STOP WAIT I DO THAT A LOT TOO LIKE its like oh no i dont like this scene BOOM rewind! noooo the story cant end like that TRY AGAIN! ueueueueue thats so sad why didnt it work ueueue sobes with you also. FICTIONAL CHARS APPEARING IN YOUR DREAMS IS SO REAL HELP i rmb once i watched a fan animatic of xiao playing the kazoo n that night i dreamt that he was playing a saxophone which sounded like a kazoo n i was throwing confetti n paper money at him,, i hope he appears in your dreams soon i think it will be a very interesting dream hehe.

ALSO. AKABANE KARMA??? HELLO?????? when is it my turn smh. ...vox... akuma.... his cooking streams were the death of me omfg AND WHAT. HYUNJIN AND BEOMGYU??? WHAT. 😀 that was a very interesting dream CRYING they THREW CEREAL AT YOU ?? i.. i won't ask any further. mhm.

THE HEADBOPPING WITH LIGHTS OFF IS SO REAL HAHAHKJDHFKS but for me it's more like my brother walking in on me aggressively bopping to music and walks straight out :'D fun times!

japanese is a nightmare i tell you. i am quite effectively illiterate in japanese sobs n falls to the ground HAHAHSKLJFHLDSJK why. why does 怪我 and 怪我 mean different things WHY. (one is 'blame me' and one is 'injury') why is 娘 mother and daughter at the same time. why. 日本語話とても難しです。*weary noises* but duolingo is actually p good for building vocab i think !! YIPPEE!!

ok yes questions. im a kaeya [BEEEEEEP] i meant kaeya main. LOL i cant think of other fictional chars atm so i will just say!! fav genshin chars!! kaeya beidou ayato kazuha fischl furina kirara collei childe && uhm uhm i forgot the rest OMG YEAH 呵呵以后不想让任何人知道我们在谈什么就可以用华语🤭 RAHHHH i recently became absolutely obsessed with modern family i think its really funny && animes! uhhhhhh spyxfam! campfire cooking! senko-san! the genius prince! my next life as a villainess! parallel world pharmacy! and i forgot the rest! HAHAHAHA ooh ooh okok adding on!! what are the top 3 items on your bucket list for 2024?

giggles loudly back at you HAHAHKJSKJF i get loads of bye-lingual moments though,, (forgot the word for tissue in all 4 languages but somehow knew it was spelt taschentuch in german) & yeahh i switch a lot w my brothers esp when we wanna say stuff we don't want people understanding (read: parents) && normally it's mandarin with parents + english sometimes!! yippee!!

NAH CAUSE THeRE WERE. TWO KARMAS. SOBBING. DONT ASK ME WHY BUT HE HAD A CLONE AND THEY WERE BOTH ROMANCING (?) ME?? idk. that dream was a blur and i dont remember it anymore UGHSDJK

the vox. the vox one. i remember. so vividly. i was a vtuber and we were playing minecraft and i did something super cool and funny and the next day there were clips about me and i sobbed wtih joy and then i woke up in my hotel and laid there for a solid half hour questioning if that was real and knowing it wasnt but praying it was. sobs.

wAI WAIA RYUU ARE YOU. ARE YOU A KPOP FAN. STARES AT YOU. SHAKES YOUR SHOULDERS VIOLENTLY if you are. fave groups and biases pretty please. i am in love with skz + txt + enhypen. E E E EE. E E JFSDODJkldlkjlajs biases are hyunjin (big surprise) n miho, txt bias is beomgyu (another crazy, wild, surprise!!) and honestly i cant choose with enhypen but im sorta leaning towards ni-ki rn... e e e e

dont be shy ryuu. whats the redacted. :) aaa for me fave characters... wai have i already said this idc uhm uhm xiao + kaveh + gorou + dori + nahida + venti + furina + fischl + oh so many more. ik some people dislike dori but she just wants the mula and honestly girl same LMAO

ooo spy x family is the silliest!! (have you seen buddy daddies).. for me im watching several things at once rn but its the apothecary diaries, the eminence in the shadow, and migi n dali !! these are all still airing rn so im having a silly time

uhhodkoadsfd tbf i dont really have a bucket list... if we're talking abt small goals ig its just to get good grades cause of my asian parents, to improve my art, and to finally bring my smau out of its stalemate cause i havent touched it in months and i feel bad abt it... sjdflkd

help when i talk with my brother about things we dont want our parents to hear we cant speak in mandarin cause they know it so we just replace the first letter of every word with b except for some few select examples

like. "brek babing bot bis bere" is shrek's bathing spot is here and dont even ask me why i wouldnt be able to tell you LMAO

and "b-b-b-b-b-beer" is like how are you or soemthing along those lines. my brain fries every time we attempt to speak in bod (dont ask why we named it that either i cant tell you too my brain is empty) and WOADOJFOS SAME HERE !!! uhalkdf hmm more questions... do you read any manhwa / manhua and if so which. because i NEED MORE MANHWA READERS IN MY FEED PLE. A S E

[six-of-ravens]

good thing: ran out of social media so i put on lady gaga and cleaned the kitchen and put my laundry in the washer (yay productivity!)

bad news: opened my refund cheque from the health insurance company and I got $15 less this time than the last time I submitted a claim for this same medication. losing my mind. why. i don't been wanna know. i don't even wanna check my policy and see if they're screwing me over or if there's a written reason for that. seriously considering switching to Blue Cross anyway bc everyone I know has had good experiences with them, and frankly my boss is only using this tiny shitty company bc they were cheap like 5 years ago. Blue Cross isn't that much more per month (though it is more, boo) and I would just feel better having that instead of dealing with this (also the fucking DIRECT BILLING FOR PHARMACIES I'D GIVE MY LEFT ARM FOR THAT--. also also, if I have my own insurance I won't lose it if I leave the company.)

all in all, roller coaster of an hour here.

[bunnyb34r]

Yknow I probably could find a better plan during open enrollment, but with all the insurance bullshit I've dealt with the past few months... I'm honestly scared to start again sgdgdgdgdg

Like if I buy a plan directly from the insurance company website would they still make me apply for medicaid? Would my pharmacy location change again? Would I have to gamble on if my dr really takes my insurance and have to wait for the bill/benefits copy in the mail to see?

Even within the same company it's like yknow what... I'm good sgdggdgd when we called last time the lady was like "we have lower plans available!" Like nooo for the love of God noooo. I need a more "pricey" plan bc I need more covered for less. If you drop me to another plan, I would save more yes, but also no no I wouldnt. Let me pay up front.

Sometimes I wish I stayed on the pricey pricey plan just for fucking peace of mind even if it was stupid expensive 😩

Idk I'm just anxious bc that one Medicaid plan really fucked shit up at least for my one dr today, and I'm hoping my pharmacy didnt update/switch to it thinking oh! She's on this one now! Heres your free meds :) when no they're free* and I dont know if that * is coming out of my taxes or... since I'm really not on that plan as of 11/1...

And idk if they booted me from my paid for insurance and I know it is active bc my card explicitly states coverage start date 10/1 so i technically for this month have TWO insurances but one I don't want. Anyway it's like I dont wanna call them again and freak out when I already did that technically on the 1st and they were Iike no?? Youre still here on [plan] ???

Idk I just wanna scream sgdgdgd I'm so stressed man I need this shit to stop 😩 let me just pay my $318 plan in peace (and my stupid $29.99 telehealth plan that's separate but idk how to get rid of completely but kept bc I might need it) I wish they didn't make it so hard to get insurance when you need it (well to get the insurance you want without making you jump through hoops)

Anyways AUGH

[weedhorse69]

Switch out lock on new bike

------------------------------

Ethan told me you said some things. I wanna know your context. When you marry someone you marry their family.

1) why do you think we're going to get divorced?

A) is it true that you think I don't care about his health?

B) why do you think I don't care about his health?

-I drove him to the pharmacy.

- I used to make him food when sick but when he didn't do it for me I stopped.

2) is it true that you think both my family and I are only after your money? Aren't you renters? Just like my family?

3) I have seen ethan hit himself and hit things. Has he ever hit a person? He says to me that he hasn't and when talking to you he says you can confirm he hasn't. I wanted that confirmation from you.

4) has ethan talked to you about lyn? He said 4 years ago that if he were younger he would've dated her. I believe him now when he says that he wouldn't go out with her but that is because she has gone out of her way to be mean to him. He would always compliment her hair and stuff specifically and when I asked him about it he said he compliments all my roommates and then I asked my roommates and they said no he doesn't. I wanted your perspective.

5)

I feel like the relationship is unequal. I do feel like I trigger large emotional responses in him. Very large. That was partially why I suggested a break to give us both some breathing room. I also have large emotional responses to him. I like him a lot and sometimes I feel I go a little crazy but that's what therapy is for isn't it.

I know we both feel unappreciated.

I want the princess treatment, and i think ethan wants to feel unconditionally wanted.

6) Does he actually clean his own room?

Also can you help me help him get to a therapist cuz something is off.

7) are we okay?

8) what do u know about premarital counseling?

9) how do u fight with ur husband?

Not for phone call: I feel like another unequal part in the relationship is how he didn't visit me in wisconsin. He's making up for it now tho with flying back from portland.

[worldwright]

Good evening ! ill be reading crackships after the day i just had bc wtf

I finally could get my meds, had some issues regarding that, but my usual pharmacy was nice enough to not care and just handed me my meds for free (im not paying for those things, they don't work at all but i still need to take them)

Im so exhausted, I cant ;-; dont wanna be tomorrow, have a very important call that's useless i have to answer

I KNOW what I'm thinking about kinda sounds bad and is NOT a good idea AT ALL, but I just want to make another attempt, same as last time, just to get some rest for fuck's sake, don't feel rested since September and no news about the psych ward (i think they didn't actually add me to the waiting list, i know it's bad to insinuate that but it's france, everything mental health related is some real shit so it's not that farfetched)

but alas, i cant do that again, because first i like walking, second im waiting for 4 important things (my id, one of the two things i need for 'free' healthcare, the bad i ordered, and finally my doctor's eyes' appointment that i finally have, omg, ill be able to finally have some glasses that fit my eyes, oh do i want them now)

ugh, why am i dealing with so many medical issues, oh yeah i have free healthcare bc france but good lord would it kill them to actually do something that works for once ??????

also, unrelated, someone asked me if i sold or if i knew someone who sold drugs when we were on the bus, that was fun ngl. why would i go do smth illegal when i can be high with my prescribed meds if i dose them right lol

Have a wonderful morning my friend !

goddamn isn't it. so fucking fantastic. that nobody takes mental health seriously unless there's obvious tangible attempts at literal death. that being said you better fuckin not. who will kick the asses of the dickwads managing the psych ward if you don't

obviously I don't expect you to go commit violence lmfao, but like. spite

lol my manager keeps dropping more projects on me. it's like yeah I was confident I could finish those four drawings in time but now there are six. oh you have another one? bitch

I gotta start taking advantage of my medical insurance lol. I switched to a different plan that's ostensibly better, but it takes money out of my paycheck so like. I'm gonna go use that goddamn health insurance. funny how that works. luckily there's a clinic literally one block from my apartment

it's supposed to snow this weekend.... I need to stock up on groceries in case I get locked in (oh no how terrible, having to stay home oh nooooo lmao)

ughhhhh I need to move closer to my friends!!!! I cannot live alone I keep making too much food!! and I'm notoriously bad at eating leftovers!! looking at apartment listings is keeping me alive until I can fuck off out of Seattle

(not that I hate seattle, it's just too far from friends. also it's loud)

hope you have a wonderful and relaxing evening!!

[welcome2southpark]

Episode One pt 1

Everyone assumed when we were kids we were just playing. Saving cats and doing bake sales….yes we would do that but we also fought crab people and coked out cultist cops. We aren't normal. We're mutants, aliens, altered humans and more.

Ring

Ramona jumped at hearing the bell. She had begun to doze off as her teacher had started rambling about politics during math. 

"Ey douchebag get up we've gotta get ta Tokin's house to help cleen" Cartman smacked her shoulder. 

"Ow good grief Cartman" she grumbled and grabbing her bag. "I gotta drop by the pharmacy first" 

"Get your gurl drugs later CMON" 

"Why did we let you back in" she grumbled as she's dragged to the bus 

"I'm just saying if you keep using that store crap you'll be balding by fourty-Cartman stopping dragging Ro!" Kyle yelled

"Kyel we gotta go now Tokin there's an EEmergecy" 

"Crap really?" Stan exclaimed as they followed.

"Cartman I can walk" Ramona yanks free and runs along beside. 

"Wait what about Kenny-" 

"He's gotta get his sistar" Cartman rolled his eyes like it was a dumb question. 

As they run past the middle school Cartman this time grabs Kenny's arm who is holding onto Karen's bag.

"Cartman wtf" he yelps as he and his lil sis are dragged 

"Eemergency leave Karin with Sam."

"I don't wanna hang with a three old." 

After Cartman nearly got a black eye for calling Karen a bitch. The six arrive and get buzzed in. 

"You made it we have a class C- oh um hi Karen. Wanna go play on my Switch?" Tolkien yelped

"Ya'll are weird so yeah. Can I play Mariokart"

"Yep" 

They quickly shoo her to the game room before sighing.

"What type of class C?" Stan asked confused

"You know how Mephesto has been working on some "secret" thing"

"Is it a cat with 5 butts?" Stan asked annoyed

"No just….come down to the base."

Tolkien takes them to the basement where Wendy and Timmy are waiting. 

"Timmy!" Timmy exclaimed pointing at the computer screen.

The nearby farm was being wrecked by a large multi-assed hippo wolf.

"...what" began Cartman.

"The" continued Kenny.

"Fuck" said Kyle.

"AGAIN WITH THE BUTTS" groaned Ramona face palming. 

"Not the important thing" Timmy telepathically remind her. He wheeled himself over "We'll need Sunstar, Human Kite, and Mysterion." 

"What about meeee!" Cartman whined. 

"Mephesto wants it back alive," Tolkien began "Sunstar's flight and strength can carry it, Human Kite can use his calming wind to sooth it and Mysterion can create shadow shields to corale it. We did only ask for you to pass on the message to those three." 

"Why didn't you text us?" Kyle asked as he removed his contacts.

"Jeez, don't do that in front of us Kyel" 

"Shut up fatass" 

"There's interference with the com's app" Wendy answered as she worked with the tablet. "Stupid only level 30 encryption GAH!" She yelps as a virus jump scares her and she 404s. 

"Wendy!" Stan yelped to go help her recover.

The trio awkwardly get ready before changing before taking off.

NEXT

[foone]

If I get covid, I'm suing the DEA for violating my constitutional rights.

See, I can't have my ADHD meds mailed to me like all my other prescriptions, because they're scared someone will steal them out of the mail. So I have to go into the pharmacy, during a pandemic, and potentially get infected by all the coughing maskless people.

But hey, at least I only have to do it every three months!

EXCEPT NO.

There is a nationwide shortage of ADHD drugs at the moment that is entirely artificial: the DEA decided there was "too much" Adderall being used and limited the supply. Presumably to try to keep it out of the hands of people who will "abuse" it, not specifically to harm people with diagnosed medical conditions who have a valid prescription, but that may be giving them too much credit.

So now I can't get a three month supply anymore. I can only get in monthly. So every month I have to go into the hospital with the maskless coughing people and risk covid, all while I'm surrounded by big posters saying "hey there's a pandemic, why don't you have your prescriptions mailed to you?"

There's a "shortage", but calling it that seems wrong and misleading. It's a completely artificial shortage. No factories shut down. No mines had their sextroamphetamine veins run dry. No key ingredients had their prices spike unreasonably due to political unrest and capitalists capitalisting.

The DEA just woke up one day and decided there was too much Adderall and turned down the big knob on how much is allowed to be made.

Well, here's the fun part for people with ADHD: if we can't get the prescribed stimulants that make our brains work, we'll switch to other ones.

Which is just great because it's not like those alternatives don't have side-effects! Without Adderall there's gonna be a lot of energy drinks and coffees and teas, and all the side-effects of those. You wanna talk about high blood pressure?

And those are just the legal ones. Meth is still plenty easy to get ahold of. Not to mention crack and cocaine.

Which is funny, because the DEA has already fucked me over meth. They decided to wage war on pseudoephedrine, which is a great decongestant with minimal side effects. They restricted the sale of it, making it behind the counter and requiring pharmacies to keep records of who buys it and how often, so that if you buy slightly too much they can kick down your door and yell "where's the meth lab?"

Which has a couple problems. First, it makes the medicine harder to get for people who need it legitimately (I have a deviated septum, my nose barely works at the best of time, I need decongestants!), but also it means that medications that included pseudoephedrine (your Allegras, Claritins, and Sudafeds) had to reformulated to not include it anymore, so they wouldn't massively lose out on sales.

So they switched to phenylephrine. (and continued making a behind-the-counter version with the pseudoephedrine in it, usually called OLDNAME-D).

So what's wrong with that? Fucking EVERYTHING.

At the recommended doses, phenylephrine shows no decongestant effect over placebo. So it doesn't work. Great.

But that's not the biggest problem: see, it has no effect on congestion, but it does have an effect: it raises blood pressure.

So basically the DEA's war on meth caused millions of Americans to switch to a medication that

1. Does not work

2. Causes high blood pressure

IN A NATION WHERE HEART DISEASE WAS THE #1 CAUSE OF DEATH PRIOR TO COVID SHOWING UP.

And the final bow on this cluster fuck? The ultimate crowning achievement of the DEA's failure?

Do you know how much effect restricting pseudoephedrine had on the meth supply?

Fucking zip! Nada! Ziltch! Nothing at fucking all!

Pseudoephedrine only ever made sense as a meth precursor if you were making it in big batches, and in those cases it tended to be stolen/reappropriated from laboratories, not by going into the Walgreens and asking for 500 boxes of Sudafed.

Meth production was already switching to smaller and cheaper methods of production, ones that could easily be done in mobile labs or just "any car", which made it much harder for law enforcement to effectively combat it, and also meant PSEUDOEPHEDRINE MADE NO SENSE AS A PRECURSOR CHEMICAL.

This is literally a policy with a death toll associated with it. Innocent people who have never touched a meth have died because the DEA wanted to be "tough on drugs", and the companies making legal drugs switched to an alternative that caused heart problems.

That's not to say that like "all meth users should die" or anything, of course. I'm from the south: I have more relatives who have used meth than have gotten an Adderall prescription, despite ADHD clearly running in my family. Drug users are people too.

It's just that even in the grim calculus of the "war on drugs", they failed. They didn't sacrifice the lives of drug dealers and drug users to fight meth, and they certainly didn't save any of their lives by making meth harder to get (because they didn't make it any harder).

They instead sacrificed the lives of a bunch of people with allergies and heart disease, to win no actual ground against meth, other than the publicity of the George W. Bush administration being able to say they were "cracking down on meth".

I hope it was worth it. Since that law went into effect, something like 12 million people have died of heart disease in America. How many of them would still be alive today if the DEA hadn't fucked up and put a bunch of people on medication to spike their blood pressure l?

The fun thing about having to go to the doctor to prove my blood pressure isn't too high is that going to a Kaiser facility is the most aggravating thing I do on a regular basis.

"yeah your blood pressure was a little high the last time we tested it, so you can't have any ADHD meds. Come back in and test it again"

Hey maybe my blood pressure is so high when you test it because every time I have to go to your damn hospital, I get misgendered five times BY THE PEOPLE LITERALLY GIVING ME HORMONES and nearly get killed trying to park and I'm surrounded by coughing people who aren't wearing masks? It seems that might increase my blood pressure somewhat.

[whumpmatsus]

aaaa are you still taking the sickfic requests?? maybe "don't speak" with choro as the sickie pls?

SickFic Prompts / ACCEPTING!

Don’t Speak - (character) has a horribly sore throat and is reduced to barely talking while they load up on hot drinks and soup to recover.

yesssss always!!! I had so much fun with this, it hit me right in the Honey Nut Feelios and I hope it does the same for u, sunshine 😩

-

After still feeling like total crap for several days while his brothers were almost completely recovered from the cold they’d all caught, Choromatsu finally breaks down and goes to the doctor.

He doesn’t really want to. Being sick is something they all hate, and continuing to suffer after everyone else felt better is just astronomically unfair. Sometimes he thinks he can will himself back to health if only he sleeps and takes medicine and does everything a sick person is supposed to do.

The others prod at him to get checked out, though, considering the fact that lately every time he’s tried to speak, it’s set off a cough and is painful even to those just listening.

When he comes back home with a pharmacy bag and an informational sheet proclaiming that he’s been diagnosed with laryngitis, it explains a lot.

He has little choice but to hand the sheet over to Osomatsu as Karamatsu comes over to help remove his scarf and coat and walk him over to the kotatsu. The eldest of them doesn’t necessarily know best all the time, but usually when one of them is sick or hurt with more than a cold or a tiny scrape, Osomatsu often slides into big brother mode and shows a surprising amount of maturity.

For once, Choromatsu is actually glad his oldest brother is taking charge of the situation.

“Okaaaay, guys,” he calls as Choromatsu settles in at the table. “So this thing says Choromatsu has… acute laryngitis. The doctor thinks it’s because he had a cold, I guess, since it says ‘viral cause’. Huh.”

Everyone else is already seated around the kotatsu since it’s the middle of winter and freezing. Jyushimatsu’s arm shoots up right away. “Oh! What’s laryngitis? That’s a funny word. Are we gonna get it too?”

Choromatsu opens his mouth to try and explain, like usual. Instead, he manages to get out a weak, “Probably not,” before he starts to cough.

“Hey,” Osomatsu pouts as Karamatsu pats the third eldest on the back, “this thing says you’re not supposed to talk if you can help it, Fappymatsu. So, y’know… shut up.”

What he gets in return for his efforts is an unimpressed glare.

Osomatsu grins, running a finger under his nose before looking back at the information sheet. “Well, I’m not wrong! Okay, so… the cold was contagious, but it says the actual laryngitis isn’t. It’s just some kind of throat thing that happened because of the cold. So it might happen for the rest of us, but I doubt it since we’re all feeling better already. Choromatsu just has bad luck, I guess.”

Karamatsu hums in thought and continues to rub his brother’s back. “Hmph, we’re probably safe then. Which means we just have to focus on taking care of our dear brother. How do we do that?”

Choromatsu holds the bag from the pharmacy up, allowing Ichimatsu to snatch it and dump the contents out on the table. He points toward the things he picked up at the doctor’s recommendation ― over-the-counter painkillers, lozenges, a throat spray, and cough syrup. There’s other stuff mixed in too, like tissues and a jar of yuzu-cha and a magazine. Though he could have lived without everyone seeing that, it’s not a huge deal.

Osomatsu waves the paper before picking through everything on the table. “Well, it says they don’t have any kind of prescription to give him. No antibiotics since it’s viral. Looks like it says the cough medicines and painkillers might help. ‘Home remedies may also provide temporary relief’… like tea and soup, huh? So we should probably try to keep the bastard hydrated with warm stuff.”

Karamatsu gets to his feet, grabbing the jar of yuzu-cha on his way. “In that case, why don’t I go mix up some of this for you right now? After being out in the cold air, your throat could probably use something warm. Want me to add a little honey?”

Choromatsu nods eagerly, mouthing, “Yes, please.”

Karamatsu’s face brightens at being useful, and he gives an exaggerated pose before heading into the kitchen. “What a good patient! Your big brother will be back with something soothing before you know it!”

“Hold on,” Totty comments as he scoots the lozenges, spray, and syrup toward him, “did you get all this stuff to take for your throat?”

His eyes scan over the labels, then roll back in his head when he’s finished. “Ah, Choromatsu-nii-san! You can’t take all of these at the same time. See, look. They all say ‘do not use with other medications containing’ ― uh ― well ― w-well, I can’t pronounce the word, but it’s the same one! They must all contain this ingredient, so you can’t take them all in the same day.”

Ichimatsu makes a gesture for Totty to hand them over, then nods after reading them. “Yeah, he’s right. If you take all these in the same day, even if you use each one like the directions say, you’ll be basically overdosing on this shit. Your mouth’ll go numb. Be drooling all over the place and maybe having trouble breathing.”

All the medicine is plucked from his hands by Osomatsu. “Okay, so we’ll rotate ‘em, and I’ll take care of giving it to you whenever you need medicine. Y’know, so that fever doesn’t fry your brain and make you forget which one you’re taking for the day. Which one do you wanna use today?”

Choromatsu lets out a soft groan which only serves to irritate his throat further. He could seriously just kick his own ass for not checking that before he bought all of those. The only excuse he has is that he’s in a lot of pain and not thinking like he normally does. He points to the spray, thinking maybe it’ll feel kind of like sour spray candy; once it gets sprayed on, it melts and lingers for a minute, which might be a nice quality in a medicine for sore throats.

“Alright, open up.” Osomatsu tears off the plastic packaging. “Totty, Ichimatsu, did either of you see how many times I’m supposed to spray this?”

“Two sprays every two hours as needed. But it’s only supposed to stay for fifteen seconds, then he has to spit it out. He’s not supposed to swallow it or it might give him a stomachache. Totty, you wanna go get an empty cup for him to spit in and a glass of water to wash the taste out of his mouth afterwards?”

“What?? Why can’t you do it? Your legs aren’t broken!”

“Yeah, but I’m busy.”

“Are you kidding me? Doing what?!”

Ichimatsu shuffles himself closer to Choromatsu and puts an arm around his big brother. “I’m his emotional support Ichimatsu.”

Choromatsu chuckles a bit, though it turns into coughing pretty quickly.

“Oh, my God. Now you know why you’re not first in my brother rankings, right?” Totty grumbles, but gets up anyway. “Fiiiiine, I’ll be right back.”

The idea of an emotional support anything is nice, though, so Choromatsu leans into the contact, resting his head on Ichimatsu’s shoulder. As it is, the fourth eldest is almost like a cat, warm and cuddly when he feels like it.

His fever must be getting to him, because he could even swear he hears Ichimatsu purring.

-

The next three days in the Matsuno household are, predictably, a little wild.

Although Choromatsu sleeps on the couch in the other room so that his coughing doesn’t wake his brothers, it’s pretty much all for naught. At least one of them ends up missing him in the night and coming to camp out with him anyway; he just counts his lucky stars that when he needs them most, they show themselves to be pretty great brothers.

He also practically lives on soup and tea. Mom and the others try to switch it up a little, because otherwise eating and drinking the same things every day would drive him nuts. Plain miso and zosui were fine for the first day, but after he could breathe through his nose and smell things again, they started offering him other stuff.

Honestly, shogayu and negi-miso-yu have never tasted so good. Now that he can taste the yuzu-cha, too, and Karamatsu prepares some for him at least once in the afternoon, it’s like a small slice of heaven. He’s pretty sure Karamatsu can tell how grateful he is even without words, if the stupidly proud look on his older brother’s face whenever Choromatsu drinks it is any indication.

His throat still hurts like hell for a while. It’s difficult to speak, so Osomatsu, in his infinite wisdom, has relegated his brother to using a mini dry erase board and marker if he needs to say anything. That doesn’t mean Choromatsu doesn’t try to talk. He does his best not to if he doesn’t absolutely need to, however, since he wants to be rid of this thing more than anyone.

Thankfully, everyone is apparently using this as an excuse to treat him nicely. He gets to sit in front of the TV watching Nyaa-chan concerts almost nonstop, while nestling in against his emotional support Ichimatsu. Karamatsu in particular keeps checking every twenty minutes or so to see if there’s anything he can get for his little brother, and whatever Choromatsu asks for, he gets. Hell, at one point he’s craving ice cream, even though milky things aren’t a good idea for someone who’s coughing, and Karamatsu comes back with a melon ice pop, which is almost as good.

Totty even manages to do something nice while typing away on his phone. He says he’s got Choromatsu a date. With a girl. Who likes pop idols. Who’s really excited to meet him as soon as he’s better. He says he texted her a picture of Choromatsu and she thinks he’s really cute. It’s perhaps a good thing that he can’t say much right now, because he’s sure he’d scream loud enough to lose his voice a second time.

Jyushimatsu even sits there on Choromatsu’s other side, and reads magazine articles to him whenever they’re not watching TV. Of course, he doesn’t read the dirty articles… well, he doesn’t read those out loud after the first time he tried and everybody ended up crying with laughter. They all joked that even when he was sick that would be Choromatsu’s main priority, and for once, he laughed along with them despite the fact that it made him cough.

The one who surprises him the most is Osomatsu. Maybe that shouldn’t actually be a surprise, though. He fills the role of diligent oldest brother with a lot more ease than one might expect; he breaks out the thermometer every few hours to make sure Choromatsu’s fever isn’t getting higher, he keeps track of which medicines Choromatsu is supposed to take and when, he helps Mom cook things that will help Choromatsu feel better, and if he’s not doing any of that other stuff, he’s positioned with Choromatsu sitting on his lap, with Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu on either side, running his fingers through his little brother’s hair. It almost feels like the way things were when they were all kids.

Choromatsu is easily tired out when he’s sick, and he’s 99.99999% sure that it’s Osomatsu who carries him to bed every night when he inevitably falls asleep.

Despite the fact that he gives them a lot of shit, and none of them are perfect people, he knows he’s got some pretty amazing brothers.

Today he’s feeling nearly back to his old self, and his throat is less sore than it’s been in over a week. He knows it’s partially thanks to rest and partially thanks to how well his family has been taking care of him. Despite that he’s starting to recover, the others are still treating him much the same as they have been. Tea whenever he wants it ― as well as Karamatsu shoving it in his direction, urging him to drink with that pathetic puppy dog face of his, even when he doesn’t quite want it ― and lots of head pats and the TV turned to whatever he’s in the mood for.

He’s not quite as tired as he’s been lately, so it would be all too effortless to just take advantage of all this. Instead, his thoughts have just kept turning to how grateful he is to have so many people he can count on.

There’s some small part of him that has to admit he can be just as bad as they all are sometimes. He can be selfish and rude and lazy. But when one of his brothers is sick or hurt, he knows he steps up to the plate to try and take care of them. To know that they’re all willing to do the same for him when he’s the one in need makes him happier than he thinks he’s been in a long time.

He’s still got the dumb little whiteboard Osomatsu gave him, because his voice isn’t back to normal just yet. For a moment, he scribbles on it, then he holds it up for Osomatsu who’s sitting behind him. “Hey, Oso,” he speaks up in a quiet, breathy, raspy voice.

“Uh…! Hey, dumbass, you’re not supposed to be talking yet,” Osomatsu laughs, then lifts his head to look at the board. “… Huh? Choromatsu… hey…”

He laughs in a way that makes it sound like he’s about to cry, then takes the board and waves it to get everyone else’s attention. “Hey, guys! Haha… look! Look at this shit!”

Four other pairs of eyes turn in their direction. Practically as soon as everyone has processed what Choromatsu has written, he’s buried in a pile of brothers. He gets arms put around him, and kisses on his forehead, and everyone nuzzling against his face. They’re all laughing in that same way Osomatsu did…

… Well, until they all start actually crying. Including Choromatsu himself.

The whiteboard falls to the ground, mostly forgotten, but the words written on it hanging over the sextuplets like a rainbow.

Thanks for everything. I love you guys. 💚

[birdkoskincare]

any thoughts on bioderma sebium mat control? i don't really have full blown acne so i'm hoping switching from a normal/combination skin moisturiser to something like this might be enough to help with small blemishes and clogged(?) very visible(?) pores. (along with more consistent cleansing) on another note, what are your good quality going out leggings recs? everything i try turns out to be shitty house level leggings :/

i have a skincare blogger friend (one of the bigger names in the portuguese skincare community) who often recommends the bioderma sébium line! i’ve only ever tried testers of it on the back of my hand at pharmacies, but the texture is nice and smooth, thanks to the silicones in the formula. now, silicones are neither a good nor bad thing unless you know you react poorly to them. in this formulation, they’re part of the mattifying system, and they help smooth out skin texture and pores temporarily — that’s why silicones are often used in makeup primers, which this product could probably double as. however, sometimes silicone-based products can be drying/not hydrating enough, and layering other products underneath or above them can cause the silicone to pill up.

it also contains zinc (known to help with inflammation and oil control), salicylic acid (our good ol’ friend), hydrating glycerin, mushroom extract (apparently an astringent and anti-inflammatory ingredient), and a patented complex called fluidactiv which, according to bioderma’s research, helps fluidify sebum so that it doesn’t clog pores. another patented complex supposedly helps strengthen the skin’s resilience. that’s quite interesting, and in order to make these claims and submit the patent there must be at least some substantiating research, though the IRL results may not be very dramatic.

so, overall, i think that it’s an interesting product if your skin meshes well with silicone-based products! if you’ve never tried any before, it’s worth giving this one a shot. you may also wanna try salicylic acid and AHA-including products to target blemishes and pores.

re: leggings....... the ones i have are from local brands, but i look for stretchy yet thicc fabric (i tried to look for the composition of my fave pair but the label is so worn that it’s unreadable lmao). i’ve had better luck in terms of quality from leggings that have details like small zippers, faux pockets, waistbands with detailing, etc., the type of decorations that make them more obviously for going-out use, because that way the fabric tends to be better quality as well.

[forzafinally]

so bestie i had decided to take pvmb….i like bio and want to go into the research field, but there’s this biotechnology engineering which is kind of the same but from engineering and you don’t need to take bio for it…it’s also engineering to i’ll have to give jee and noe it’s like i don’t think it’s a good idea to take bio with jee but i <3 bio and want to take it

but even vmc people say to not take bio with jee but honestly i don’t want to do engineering…. i like bio tho and don’t wanna leave it now. everything is so confusing i’m sorry for ranting i just cried in front of my dad i’m so+

Okay firstly I'm giving you a mango and a cookie because you deserve it so here you go🥭🍪

So I'm assuming you're in class 11 from what you've told me. For people who are jee aspirants bio isn't recommended because the jee paper is difficult enough without adding a whole new subject to the mix. That's the general logic that people go by. Now I was in a similar situation because I loved maths and I was a neet aspirant so I took PCMB myself in my 11th and 12th. However at the same time I was very sure that engineering was something I didn't want to do because although I loved maths, physics was a subject I disliked a lot.

The way I see it you need to ask yourself a few questions

1. When you say you like bio do you like it enough to do a pure biology field like medicine or pharmacy? Now with this option I kind of don't see a lot of opposition from your parents because yk desi parents love medicine related fields etc etc

2. If you are planning on taking biotech engineering because it's the branch that gives you the most bio like experience while doing engineering I would really ask you to think again. I say this because you will have a significant amount of physics to study along with standard engineering stuff with a very minimal amount of bio (maybe like a 80:20 ratio). Hence it's very likely that you may regret your decision if this is the sole reason for taking it (again I could be wrong)

3. If your main objective is research you could do a bsc and masters and then do it (you'll get admission on basis of your board exam marks) but frankly it isn't an option I would recommend to do in India alone because we don't have good facilities for research here. If you choose this option then you will need to go abroad for your masters or doctorate and you'll have to see if you think your family will be willing to finance your education there

4. I'm not going to emphasize a lot here on your life a decade later because at 17 it's very difficult to know what you want to do and moreover visualize it (I'm saying this in the nicest possible way). It's much easier to decide what you definitely don't want to do at this stage. That's the way I did it myself. So make a list somewhere that out of PCMB what is the subject (if any) you definitely don't want to do/can't do

I don't want to tell you what to do either way but if you like bio that much take it. Atleast you have your options open. Do PCMB like I did. If you want to switch to PCB or PCM in 12th you can do that. I'm sure if you do well enough in your entrance exam practice tests your parents won't mind too much if you decide to switch tracks. Ik this is a very confusing and scary time and you're under a lot of pressure but I'm sure you'll figure it out in due course. I'm sending you my best wishes and if you ever want to message me regarding this you always can🌷