#also i don't get blog traffic anymore really

[lillotte17]

Okay, I have calmed down a little bit from yesterday, but I keep seeing Horrible Takes, so unfortunately I have to make a real post about it.

I keep seeing posts over and over about how "unlike other angels/demons, Aziraphale and Crowley are more human, so they have sexual desires."

Stop. It.

You are literally equating humanness with sexual attraction. You are literally dehumanizing us.

If you want them to be allo, then just headcanon that they're allo. That's it. That's all you have to do. If you relate to them and you're horny, that's great, go wild, write all the nsfw fic you want, but leave us out of it.

Aziraphale and Crowley are not real. They do not care how you perceive their relationship. You don't need to justify your HC with reasons they "can't/shouldn't be ace." You cannot hurt their feelings by simply saying, "To me they are gay and allo and want to rip each others clothes off."

But you CAN hurt aspec people in the fandom who also relate to Aziraphale and Crowley. We are real. We are here. We are human.

Please choose your words more carefully.

[kittyit]

This is a long and loaded ask so feel free to delete but it's completely earnest

I've been a radfem for about 3-4 years now (radfemhagen but I got termed) and honestly I still struggle w genuine dysphoria. All the reading, critical thinking, talking w detrans women is definitely eye opening and helped me but it hasn't healed me of my ~gender feels~ if you know what I mean. I remember trying to get tips from other blogs but all I remember was something about doing physical labor with other women or just being around other women but that isn't helping either, I'm so disgusted by my female body and how I'm seen (especially by men and especially as a lesbian) and it's just getting worse. I've been thinking about going on a low dose of T even but I know there's other options to coping, like there HAS to be SOMETHING. I can't just will it out anymore.

Help a gyn out

this and it's probably better saved for an essay but i felt moved to respond to you straight up. i'm going to explain three really important parts of my journey to a place where i almost never experience the intense and life-disrupting distress around my sex (diagnosed as dysphoria) except in times of extreme stress, and even then it's fleeting.

one essential thing i did was stop thinking of transition as an option for myself. this is something i see a lot of detrans/desisted women struggle with. i think this is a mental trap. "if i don't feel better in x amount of time or when i do x, i'll transition" removes the urgency and necessary nature of working through the distress around your sex. i've written in a few pieces about when my girlfriend max asked me to not do it 3 days before my first t shot, it genuinely felt like the last light in a dark harbor going out. i felt utterly hopeless. i felt like my last solution had been taken from me and i would never feel better.

i came to my decision to never pursue transitional medicine first through listening from my girlfriend and other detrans women. to take seriously the pain & trauma detrans women go through. to listen when they said this did not help me, this was not help, it did not fix these feelings of distress. to listen to detrans women is to understand that transitional medicine is an unethical practice being done by unethical practitioners. it's also to understand that this solution is not what it's presented as. taking these women's experiences and analysis seriously meant ruling it out as a coping mechanism for myself, ever. but there are so many reasons to make the decision not to participate in transition medicine - political & practical. not giving money to surgeons who traffic in literal female flesh. not wanting to risk all of the under-studied, ignored negative long-term health effects. not wanting to signal to the women around you that there is no way to survive as a woman like you without transitional medicine. defiance of new patriarchal expectations for women like you. defiance of the pressures that tell you that this is the thing that will make you feel better - like makeup, like labiaplasty, like breast implants, like an elective double mastectomy. defiance in general.

so the first thing was to stop thinking of transitioning as an option. i said no. the second thing was to stop thinking of my distress as dysphoria. to un-diagnose myself with this word that means i need to take T and get a mastectomy and undergo phalloplasty to have a chance of ever being happy. you mention disgust for your body, you mention disgust for how you're seen by men and as a lesbian. disgust for yourself on these points is anger at patriarchy, lesbian-hating society & men turned inward on yourself instead of the people who deserve it. it's an impulse of someone dealing with oppression to blame one's self for it and think there are things we can do to escape it. it's no different than a woman trapped in domestic violence obsessing over what she could have done differently to not set him off this time - the right dinner, place setting, clothing & tone. the idea that woman- and lesbian-hating can be escaped as easily as transitional medicine claims it can is simply not true. the experiece of a woman who passes as a man is another exerperience of womanhood, still under the bell jar of misogyny.

what helped me with these feelings of distress was pinpointing exactly where they came from and what they meant. i know this isn't helpful for everyone. but it's almost like going deeper and deeper on the feeling make it more and more clear what needed to be addressed. here's one spiral to the center: i want to chop off my tits → why? → i hate my breasts → why? → they feel ugly and disgusting → why? → i got them so young, they're so large and people stare → why does that bother you? → i feel so ugly and out of place → why does that bother you? → i feel so alone and worthless → how do you feel? → i feel lonely → what do you need? → i need connection.

"i want to chop off my tits" is not a coherent feeling - every human alive has complex reasons for the things they say, think and do. if you can get to the bottom of where these sensations and feelings and disturbances diangosed as dysphoria are coming from, you can figure out how to address them. what is the feeling at the bottom, what is going unaddressed? and quite honestly a lot of the time it's not an easy answer. sometimes the answers are super hard to grapple with. sometimes the need cannot be fulfilled or are very difficult to fulfill. but once you've decided that transition is not on the table, the quest to find those answers becomes a lot more essential.

this isn't something anyone is really meant to do alone. when i hear you say you hate being seen as a lesbian and how men treat you, i hear an inherent isolation in that. i could be wrong, i know a lot of people can still feel lonely when they have a strong support system, but i would say the majority of women do not have the kind of friend group and number of connections they need to be socially supported. so another big part of this is breaking out of isolation and being around other women who "get it" - whether virutally or in real life. humans are a pack animal and this is an isolating age.

so that's my three parter to your question

1. say no to transitional medicine

2. undiagnose yourself with dysphoria and instead figure out why you're feeling what you're feeling

3. seek out friendship, community, and ways of thought that can help you address those feelings

[torque-witch]

Soft-launching my new Ko-fi store and page!

Support Death's Head Divination on Ko-fi! ❤️ - Ko-fi ❤️ Where creators get support from fans through donations, memberships, shop sales and more! The original 'Buy Me a Coffee' Page.

It's only stickers and prints so far, but I do want to use it as a space to re-grow my art business while I'm still working on art shows during the year. I'll also be working on blogs, witchy/pagan book reviews, art processes and memberships.

I really want to get off of Etsy ultimately because

They support AI art

It's all drop-shipping or copied listings (fake)

They are banning real artists daily

They bring in zero traffic these days

People really don't trust Etsy anymore as a service

So if you want to follow along, please visit my site! I will also be re-adding slots for commissions of various types like statues, digital art and runes. I will also add Tarot readings back into the roster.

The goal is to not need to Doordash, especially as my health has been a bit precarious over the last few years. I want the majority of my energy for art shows, which have really been going well throughout 2024.

Other than that, please feel free to chime in about what you would like to see from me in the future!

[porcupine-girl]

Tumblr: Myth vs Fact

People have been talking a lot about Tumblr on Twitter lately (for no reason whatsoever), but that also means a lot of misinformation is going around. So if you're coming from Twitter, I would like to clear up a few misconceptions, starting with:

Myth: Tumblr is dead. It died with the Dec 2017 porn ban and now it's a ghost town.

Fact

Well, okay, yes, it did die with the Dec 2017 porn ban. Mostly. But it got better! On November 5, 2020, Destielpocalypse happened and Tumblr rose from the grave. Since then it hasn't been as busy as in, say, 2015, but it's gotten over its death and has had a steady stream of traffic ever since.

See the rest below the cut!

Myth: Tumblr is where all the drama and discourse starts.

Fact

Again, this hasn't been true in quite a while. When Tumblr died in 2017, most of the people responsible for the discourse moved to Twitter. Since then, it's been pretty chill, even after Destielpocalypse resurrected it. People like to say that Twitter is just Tumblr five years ago, and... it's pretty true right now, at least in the drama department. We'd appreciate it if you didn't try to change that.

Myth: Porn is allowed again on Tumblr!

Fact

Sadly, this is not true. However, nudity is allowed now. Just no visual depictions of explicit sex acts. Here is a pretty detailed explanation from the CEO of Automattic (the company that owns Tumblr) on why they can't bring porn back right now, even though he would like to.

Note that this only applies to visual depictions. Explicit text (yes, that means smutty fanfic) has always been allowed.

Myth: You should never add anything to a post you reblog.

Fact

Actually, one of the really cool things about Tumblr is how a post can grow and develop with every new addition! Simple Tumblr posts have turned into repositories of useful information or complex scifi world-building thanks to users collectively adding cool stuff with each reblog, or sometimes just asking relevant questions for others to answer in their reblogs.

But you don't have to add anything in order to reblog! Most people don't! And if you have something to say that doesn't really add to the post (like "Cute!") or is just for your followers, it can go in the tags.

Which brings us to a related myth:

Myth: There is a complicated system of etiquette around reblogging and tagging and if you don't follow it everyone will point and laugh.

Fact

Okay, there are some general etiquette guidelines that have developed that most people follow. Like the above, about only adding onto a post if you have something substantive to say and putting other comments in the tags. I'm sure you've seen rules like this around.

But these are flexible and nobody is going to hate you for violating them now and then. If you reblog something and forget and add "Cute!" to the post instead of in a tag, nobody is going to dogpile you. Worst case, people will click back to the reblog before yours and reblog it from there instead of reblogging yours. Or they might just reblog yours because tbh it doesn't really detract from the post. Just don't be rude, and remember that the OP and everyone who sees the post can see your tags very easily now.

The main thing is please do reblog stuff! That is the #1 way posts get new viewers (see below, most people turn the algorithm off). You don't have to add anything or even tag it; reblogging it is just a way to say "hey followers, look at this neat thing I found!"

Don't let the idea that you're not reblogging "correctly" prevent you from reblogging at all.

Myth: It's cringe to reblog old stuff, or to go through and reblog/like lots of things from someone's blog.

Fact

Posts are made for reblogging. We are all here for the reblogging. We want you to reblog. There are posts from 2012 or even older still making the rounds. If someone stumbles on my blog and reblogs a bunch of old stuff in a row, I'm just happy that they enjoyed my blog.

If OP doesn't want a post to be reblogged anymore, they now have the ability to turn reblogging off. Otherwise, reblog away.

Myth: Tumblr is the golden land of no algorithms!

Fact

Tumblr is the golden land of allowing you to avoid the algorithm if you so choose.

Most Tumblr users changed these settings years ago and have been living algorithm-free for so long they forget that when you first sign up, it does have an algorithm unless you turn it off.

Here is how to customize your viewing experience (on the app):

From your blog (the little people in the bottom right corner), hit the Settings wheel in the top right corner.

Go to General settings

Go to Dashboard preferences

The first four are all various algorithms. Best stuff first reorders your dash by algorithm - if you turn it off, it's all chronological all the time. 2-4 add extra stuff to your dash that the algorithm thinks you'll like. If you turn them off, you will ONLY see what's on the blogs you follow. (Note: if you turn off "Include followed tag posts" you can still view the tags you follow in the "Your Tags" tab at the top of your dash.)

4b - If you want to view mature stuff (nudes but also violence or anything drug/alcohol related) go to Content You See and turn it on. It's off by default. This is also where you can set tags or keywords you want hidden.

(These settings can all be found in similar places on desktop.)

Even after you do all this, if you really want to see what the algorithm has to say, just go to the For You tab. It will... probably convince you that you made the right choice in turning all of this off. Tumblr's algorithm really isn't that great, and we're fine with that.

Myth: Neil Gaiman is an active Tumblr user.

Fact

@neil-gaiman has no social media.

Myth: Supernatural is a television show that went off the air two years ago and is no longer relevant.

Fact

Welcome, you are now on the Supernatural website, where even if there wasn't a prequel series currently at this very moment airing, Supernatural will never die. Or will die and be resurrected repeatedly. It will probably creep into something on your dash eventually. Mute a few keywords if you don't want it, but brace for the occasional gif anyhow.

[jewish-vents]

My entire life, I've yearned for the kind of community the Jewish community and Judaism have provided me. I found out I had Jewish ancestry when I was a kid, I looked into it more later and realized my most recent Jewish ancestor (like three-ish generations back) was almost certainly forcibly converted out, and decided to convert to like. Make amends for that I guess and also because I really vibed with the holidays and how we turn up everywhere in history bc we keep doing cool stuff despite consistently shitty circumstances.

But I digress.

I have waited my WHOLE LIFE trying to experience the joy becoming Jewish has shown me, and that gets shit on constantly.

My sister has started making a truly obscene number of Jew jokes. My mom scoffs at all the 'nonsense rules' and has said repeatedly that she thinks choosing a 'restrictive' religion is dumb and I've made a mistake. She even said it's an insult to HER parenting skills that I would seek out religion after she tried to teach me to know better.

My dad is dead but I never ever in a million years would have told him even if he were alive, and my sister thinks it's funny to threaten to 'out' me as Jewish to his relatives even though they're basically KKK-adjacent so she actually enjoys threatening mg safety at this point. (Yay family right?)

My friends have turned everything into an Israel/Palestine discussion lately and I know damn well what they're doing when they start saying truly horrible shit about Israelis and looking at me. They get mad if I try to temper their extremism so I've given up. I barely talk to them anymore and I spend more and more time with other Jews from temple and I don't want to like. Isolate myself from all non-Jews I guess bc I've always felt like that leads to weirdness and perpetuates shit about Jews being unfriendly I guess idk?

Anyway I digress again. My point is I'm really sick of constantly being expected to tolerate it when people think I shouldn't be Jewish.

Other queer people think I'm somehow compromising my queer identity by being Jewish, leftists think I hunt Palestinian children for sport now apparently, right-wingers think I traffic good Christian babies for organ harvesting or some shit idfk, my friends think that if I'm not being more vitriolic in my hatred of Israel than they already are I'm some kind of secret rabid Netanyahu fan, my family think I've been recruited into a cult apparently and the only other people who show me even an ounce of compassion or regard are other Jews and Gd knows there's like ten of us and that number is unlikely to increase.

Just. Fuck. I've put blood, sweat, tears and money into this, I invested more time and emotional commitment into this than I have into going to college or choosing a career, I love it more than anything and have only loved it more the more I learned about it, and all I get when I express this or even just let slip that I am Jewish and chose to be, I get nothing but hatred. I will never understand how a religion that has spent all 5000 years of our existence minding our business and arguing about the same book over and over can possibly have offended this many people with our existence.

Dmn anon, that is a lot you're dealing with right now. I'm so sorry you're surrounded by people who clearly don't respect you. Because yes this is a lack of basic respect, and it is antisemitic. Now I don't know how old you are and how safe you are, but if you can safely do so, set very hard boundaries. Do not tolerate this amount of disrespect towards who you are. It is hard, and many of us have had to go through similar situations, as you can read all over this blog. But I think having to spend your life surrounded by people who make you feel unsafe and disrespected is worse. I know sometimes there are situations in which people cannot safely set these boundaries, I hope it's not your case, but if it is feel free to come here to vent again.

I know you don't want to isolate yourself from goyim. Many Jewish people don't want to. Sadly, when people disrespect us like this, they're the ones isolating us. It's not your fault. Seek people who love and accept you. Sadly, a good chunk of goyim won't - I'm not saying everyone, obviously, but a portion. Having a good Jewish support network seems to be more and more important, whether it's irl or online.

I hope you can soon be in an environment that's safer and more accepting

- 🐺

[thewakingcloak]

The State of Things Yet to Come

The Ghost of Spacefarer Things Yet to Come is a hard guy to get ahold of, but I have at last wrangled him and tied him down until he wrote the blog post he promised:

The blog post he promised

I have looked into the future… where I am from… and ok yeah let's start off with the big news first! In the future… ProtoDungeon: Episode III will be on Steam!

That means you can wishlist ProtoDungeon: Episode III on Steam!!!!

And here's a little mini announcement trailer for just this occasion :) (and turn up the sound! I made a lil tune for this!)

So please go give it a wishlist!

Steam's inner machinations are something of a secret to everybody, but wishlists absolutely help the folks who make games. It's one of the most important ways you can help me, even if you're not sure you'll ever buy it. Wishlists get games seen, so please wishlist!

I'm really excited about this. This one actually my original plan for ProtoDungeon, to put each individual episode up on Steam and use the experience to improve… but I was talked out of it by a guy who was mad that Episode I wasn't a full-length game, and by his predictions of my failure. I switched to only publishing for free on Itch and decided The Waking Cloak and ProtoDungeon DX would be the only games I put on Steam.

I wish I'd never listened to that guy. He clearly didn't care about me, and I let his words and attitude control me.

The future is ever-shifting

There's a lot of things I've been doing because I felt like (and have been told) I should be doing. So for the future, I had been intending to really hit the ground running on all fronts, posting to social medias everywhere, launching tiktok and insta reels and youtube shorts, and generally pouring my efforts into "marketing."

I don't think there's anything wrong with this, but it's also… not me? It's not really what I want for my future. I've thought long and hard about this hobby, and I want to enjoy the parts I enjoy, and not let pride prevent me from letting other people take over the parts that I'm not really good at and don't have the time for anyway. Let's face it: my plate is full with my job, my kids, my house, taking care of my wife, chronic illness/pain, etc.

On top of that, I've been off social media for a long time now, and it's been so restorative. I don't fault anyone for being on any of them, and I'll poke my head up every now and then, but… I'm letting go of "making it" on socials. I can't keep up with the sacrificial requirements of the Algorithms. I can't keep up with the comparison game with everyone else making stuff on there. I had spent a lot of time curating my feed(s) so that I saw only wonderful people making wonderful art, and I still felt like I was always "coming up short."

The new plan: just post here on the devlog… just things I want to post. Focus on making my games and having fun doing it. I'm not gonna spend time finding the opportune moment to generate traffic or to say just the right things to sell people on playing my games or learn all the metrics and stuff. I won't post in every conceivable space hoping I'll get enough momentum to go viral or even just noticed.

Will that mean fewer wishlists, fewer followers, fewer people playing my games? Yes. And I'm content with that. I just want to enjoy the act of making games. I don't need to "make it big" anymore. I look up to folks like ConcernedApe (solo dev of Stardew Valley) and Team Cherry (small team behind Hollow Knight) and their lovely games and experiences, but I don't need to BE them anymore. I'm me, and I like being me.

Okay but what am I actually doing…?

Practically speaking, the plan is now as follows:

Publish ProtoDungeon 3 on Steam/Itch for $8.99, with a two-week launch discount of 15% (so, $7.64). I'd like this to be in Q1 of 2025, but I'm keeping things loosey goosey here

Publish PD1 and PD2 on Steam for $4.99 each, with the same builds as on Itch now (so they won't have Steam achievements). These might come before 3 is released, we'll see!

Continue with episodes 4 and 5, also on Steam/Itch--these will be significantly quicker to develop than 3, as they will be smaller and also will not require fundamental changes as 3 did. Pricing will probably be lower than for episode 3 and likely higher than episodes 1 and 2.

All of the above will be self-published!

Once those are complete, I will be working on The Waking Cloak, and it's here that I'm seriously considering looking into a publisher. I do want my games to be played by more people, and having professionals handle all the marketing and socials and console porting and other fine details would be such a burden off my shoulders. I've got my eye on a few in particular, but I'm putting more thought into this before I say anything else.

What about…?

Why are you working on ProtoDungeon and not The Waking Cloak? Trick question! (You didn't know you were asking a trick question, did you?) I say this a lot but it bears repeating: ProtoDungeon is helping me build up the mechanics and assets for The Waking Cloak, and is helping me get lots of practice with game design, as well as with art and publishing and so forth.

Will ProtoDungeon have spoilers for The Waking Cloak? Nope! The only spoilers will be purely mechanical, but I'm holding back a lot of puzzle concepts and a few mechanics for TWC itself. ProtoDungeon is a separate prequel story and has unique dungeons that will not show up in TWC.

What is ProtoDungeon DX? This will be the combination of all the ProtoDungeon episodes, with the early episodes rebuilt, and with additional content (like an overworld). I'm planning on working on this after The Waking Cloak. There will be some kind of discount based on your collection of individual ProtoDungeon episodes. I don't know how that works yet, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Whatever happens, I want to make sure it benefits y'all.

Why isn't ProtoDungeon free anymore? Simply put, because I think they're worth it. I've put a lot of time and effort and love into them. Also, I have a family to support, and this hobby is not free either! The episodes are short, yes, and that's why they'll cost less than a movie ticket.

Patreon? Development will be open and free as always, but patrons will get a first look (like with this post!) There are other goodies at higher tiers, too. And I should mention: funds go towards stuff like key art, publishing fees, and other minor operating costs. I was able to commission some wonderful art for ProtoDungeon: Episode III with y'all's support, but I've also bought some music tools (such as Chipsynth SFC), and I have a Studio Spacefarer P.O. box as an official address for legal reasons when publishing newsletters. I also am able to keep the main site, https://studiospacefarer.com, up with these funds. So, thank you!

To the future!

ProtoDungeon: Episode III has been a difficult beast to tame, partly because of fundamental changes to all the systems, but also because of where it fell in my life, amidst the pandemic and grief and changes and moving. It's become more important to me because of that, because it's a way to process everything. I had always known ProtoDungeon was about grief, but now it's much more personal.

I'm excited to work on things again. I look forward to sitting down and working out the details and adding the new ideas. I can't wait for y'all to experience it. Thank you for following along, and here's to future days!

Oh and did I mention…? please wishlist ProtoDungeon: Episode III on Steam :)

[intheholler]

hey i just sent the last ask! maybe it's my adderall making me overthink but i feel the need to add a bit more seeing how it's a lot of love letters lately. i technically live in Appalachia now, on the edge but also very close to a more prominently appalachian area. for all of the luck i had growing up i do feel a little pang of want when i read about the south and Appalachia. its such a beautiful area and I've had the privilege of hiking through her mountains and appreciating the wilderness. i really wish my area wasn't the way it was. so many people moving here in big ugly manufactured houses and so much ugly construction it makes my heart ache. i drive through these roads overrun with traffic and dead trees but can see the blue ridge mountains on the horizon, almost like she's reminding me that she's still there and will always be there. there's a nice historic town a bit more north that's intertwined with the mountains but to get there you drive past a sonic, mcdonalds, pizza hut, etc. all these corporations sitting atop this beautiful scenery who are run by people who have no appreciation for how beautiful and culturally rich this area is. sorry this is less a love letter and more ranting but i guess what im trying to say is that i really love Appalachia and everything she is and i hate to see her covered up so carelessly. thankfully there are parks and hiking trails that are kept clean, but it doesn't feel like its enough. i think a part of the reason why i love this blog even though i cant relate is because i get to see people talk about this beautiful area that i get to live in. and while it may not be my childhood or culture, it's one i get to read about and appreciate and love through everybody else who was raised by these mountains. sorry for such a long, rambling ask but idk. this blog is beautiful and you're doing such a great service by running it and giving people the space to talk about their home, even if they don't live there anymore. it's amazing and beautiful and i cannot put into words how much i appreciate and respect it. next time i go to one of the folk fairs that's held in that little historical town ill think of you and everybody else who has loved and lived here.

.

[gloomyclauds]

Hello everybody, I used to go by @plumbee-bob here on tumblr, but I'm mainly known as LaulauPlays ^^

I've been on a break for a while, ever since I started working 6 days a week, and while away, I noticed realized that maybe coming back to tumblr wouldn't be such a bad idea...

I quit at first because I didn't have enough time, but thing is, working on screenshots is nowhere as much work as recording, editing and making thumbnails for videos. Specially since now we have reshade, something I did have back then, but I would use very light presets, as my computer wasn't what it is today. I don't feel the need to heavily edit my screenshots anymore. Still, youtube is my main priority!

It would also be nice to have a place to post cc lists, as youtube isn't safe (i got a channel strike for linking cc in the video description), and google docs with links stopped working (you need to log out for them to work). This is the only other place I can think of that is safe for me to share links 😓

Now, as to why I'm making a new tumblr... Last year, my account was terminated. I think it was because I was using a vpn. Thing is, I'm not sure. When I did manage to get my account back, the reply I got said that my account was terminated because my blog was made to generate traffic/revenue, and the blog they mentioned was one I did not own 😕 I have a lot of side blogs there, and honestly, I'm terrified of losing years of work, so I rather not touch them anymore and start fresh. Besides, if anything happens to that account and I need help, my email for that account got blacklisted, so I can't contact the support team.

I also don't really like the handle plumbee-bob anymore, and I know that as soon as I change it, someone will take the handle and people won't be able to find the blog anymore, so I rather leave it as it is.

This is a long read (sorry), but I hope this clarifies things. I'm gonna start posting soon! Until then, take care 💗

[jumpscaregoose]

briefly turning into a travel blog to talk about seeing the eclipse today because it was fucking awesome alright

this is my new favourite picture I've ever taken, this is my iphone's approximation of what totality looked like where I watched it

I was lucky enough to live within a few hour's drive of totality so my family and I drove out to waterford, ontario to see it (might as well say where I was because I'm posting very identifiable landscapes and am not there anymore. highly recommend going there if you're in the area). we literally only chose to go there because my mom picked it randomly from a map. thank you mom that was a great choice

it was cloudy as shit when we first arrived so we were a bit worried. and then while wandering around on a bridge we met the most stereotypical small town canadian old man ever shoutout to him he was awesome.

waterford also has a 10/10 banger small museum in a FORMER PICKLE FACTORY of all places and that would have been worth going by itself. today they had an exhibit of locally created skateboard art pieces (painted and decorated skateboards) in addition to their regular agricultural stuff and MASTODON LEG!!!!!!!

there's also an old railway bridge within walking distance of downtown and I love trains AND bridges so off course I had to go see that. except the trails from the museum don't connect to the bridge. however! the youth of waterford served me well because right off the trail there was a worn-down path between the brush that led up under the bridge and around on top. I would have climbed through the brush if I had to though I was Committed to this bridge.

like look at this view. fucking gorgeous

even stumbled across some familiar faces making a nest on the bridge... these guys were really chill and I was above them behind a railing so I didn't worry about getting mauled

and as is obvious from these photos the cloud cover had totally cleared up by this point (and the eclipse had started)

here's an attempted cellphone-plus-eclipse-glasses photo that didn't really work. you can see the missing part of the sun though

we sat in a park with around 200 other people to watch the eclipse and totality here was around 3:18 pm

and oh my god totality. so worth it. everything was weirdly dim for 15 minutes before and after and they do not lie about it getting colder. I had to put my jacket on so I didn't freeze. birds were chirping like crazy and the street lights came on. I watched most of the eclipse entering totality through my glasses but took them off a biiiiiiiiiitttt too early and saw the diamond ring effect, which was also gorgeous.

totality was really dark, way more than in my photos, and it looked like there was a sunrise 360 degrees around on the horizon.

here's a worse photo because you can scroll up to see the good one

the sun looks like a donut in all my pictures but in real life it was just like in all the, well, better pictures

and then totality ended and we skedaddled out of there before traffic got crazy. and then we got stuck in a bit of traffic because the traffic lights had not been reconfigured for the massive amount of people.

[andillwatchh]

(It’s time for obscure asks with Julie!) what are your favorite and least favorite parts of the holiday season? If you could have coffee with one person, dead or alive, who would it be? What is your current favorite lyric? (Sent one to your other blog too)

JULIEE hii !! and yes, i received it thank youu. i'm scared they still won't notify you even if i have answered it through there though, so just going to do it here!

favorite parts of the holiday season : i don't celebrate any of the holidays during this part of the year, but i lovee watching christmas films and how i get to have a break from school haha. my parents also love to do some road trips and even though i'd rather be in the comfort of my own bed, those can turn out to be really fun most of the time.

least favorite parts of the holiday season : speaking of road trips, the traffic. oh my god i hate it so much. it's wayyy worse here when eid comes around, but honestly it’s bad during this time of the year too. the horrors.

coffee with one person, dead or alive : this will probably change, but gotta go with miss suzanne collins right now. i would love to talk with her and ask her about her books and learn from her because how could she just write a series like the hunger games and then barely talk about it anymore?? if i were her i would never ever shut up about it honestly.

current favorite lyric(s) : oh this is hard. maybe : "we were born to be suburban legends. when you hold me, it holds me together. and you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever" by taylor! (and yes it may or may not because it reminds me of everlark just a liiiitle bit)

thank you for thisss julie <3

[alpine-sitte]

Not the subtlest of signs. (aka some personal, recent UPG experience)

I guess I haven’t really talked much on this blog yet about my personal experiences/encounters with situations that I consider a bit too broad-hint-ish to be mere coincidences. Well, maybe it’s time to start, with the thing that happened to me a couple weeks ago and continued into the present day.

(Content Warnings, information about what to expect below: Talking about death and injury as the result of traffic accidents and workplace accidents, mentions of human and specifically animal death in the context of railway roadkill. Photos of dead birds, taken by me in relation to the specific event I discuss in this post, after the Read More. Nothing gory, though, no blood or open wounds - in fact nothing graphic at all is being shown in the photos except for the animals being very clearly dead and in an advanced stage of decay in the last photo. They were already dead when I found them. Due to the almost certain nature of their death - essentially a lightning strike - it was instant and it's safe to say they did not suffer.)

First, I want to explain the general situation of my life and why it is very heavily affected by the topic of death due to my career.

As I may have mentioned before I work for the federal railway, and part of that job reality is frequent encounters with injury and even death. Not only things that happen to me personally, but also where I’m involved in as a bystander or get told about the incident(s) by someone who was either personally affected or a direct witness. In fact, this is such a constant occurence in the average railway worker’s life that a lot of these events are told like random anecdotes in our break rooms.

The most common “victim” of the railway continues to be all sort of animals that end up being killed by the vehicles themselves or by infrastructure like the overhead power lines. Human victims are also common, probably most common among our workers since the jobs we do involve dangerous activities.

I personally don’t do any driving anymore, but I do work at a station and tend to the engines and trains there before we send them off on their way with their drivers.

So, as I do my work, I'll sometimes stumble upon dead animals by the tracks. Sometimes more literally than other times.

The other day as I was wrapping up my day shift, I walked around the back again one last time and...was met with a sight that definitely made me pause:

There's a lot of ravens and crows here, and if they touch the overhead powerlines in the wrong spot it kills them instantly. Same happens to any that cross the path of a fast moving train. It doesn't upset me and I tend not to spend much thought on it if I walk past a dead creature. But it's pretty unusual to see two of them suffer that fate at once. Like I said I was wrapping up my shift so I just walked on and back to the quarters and wondered about these two.

A coworker told me that he also saw them on the ground, and he claimed that he saw them being struck by lightning a couple hours prior. Hard to say if he saw actual lightning from the sky or "just" the spark from the powerline. I did see some charring on the wooden ties of the tracks below, but I don't know if that was there before already or new. The fact that the crows' legs were mangled pretty badly suggests to me that they could have caused a short-circuit by sitting on the powerline where its isolated parts meet the live parts (as is the case at the power poles that I found them by). Sitting only on the live parts or the isolated parts doesn't harm them, but getting too close to the transitional part does. It happens often. Either way, the details don't matter all that much, I think.

Back home, I told a friend about this since it definitely felt like a meaningful incident in some way. If this was a sign of some sort, I wasn't sure what to take away from it.

But the more I thought about it, the more I also thought about how my life has changed in significant ways in the past months (for the better, for once) and how I've been slowly able to let go of my resentment for these changes that felt out of my control and unfair at first. For the first time in six months or so, I've been slowly able to let my negative feelings about the recent events go. Of course the feelings of being wronged and set up for failure were resilient and when they would surface again, I would question whether I really should "settle for" what I have. Or if I should try to keep the flame of my resentment alight, even if there was no realistic chance for me to achieve what I was convinced I truly wanted. All I've been achieving is ruining my mood and making myself feel bitter about things that have long passed.

So when I came back to work the following week and saw that the two dead crows were still there in the same spot but now slowly decaying as the slugs and beetles thrived on their meat, I felt that I understood what I needed to do, both on a symbolic level and on a very tangible one.

I took a bucket and picked them up carefully, and looked for a suitable spot nearby to put them to rest. In a niche behind one of the power poles that probably killed them, I found a pile of twigs that reminded me of a nest, and that felt like just the right place.

(I'm glad I thought to use a bucket instead of my hands even though I was wearing my work gloves, because after I took out the birds, there was a whole swarm of bugs left behind in the bucket. I made sure to deposit them onto the twigs as well, so that they may continue their funeral banquet in the new location after the brief interruption.) They're not bothering anyone there and during each of my shifts since, I make sure to visit them and remind myself of how the possible future I had to abandon is nevertheless being replaced by a different future that may be just as bright, if not brighter. The feelings and hopes that died with that other future won't simply disappear and I'll occasionally still have to linger and grieve for them, but there's no point in letting resentment and "what-ifs" control my present. It shouldn't keep me from enjoying what I have, being grateful for all the people I was able to meet and the experiences I made, as well as being hopeful for what the path ahead may still hold.

The worldly journey of these two crows may have ended at this final station for them, but I no longer feel like my life's journey has found a dead end here. After all, no train that arrives here stays forever, either - not even the ones that call this station their final destination.

Safe travels to these spirits, and whenever they should find themselves at this station once more, they are always welcome to join me here behind the tracks and rest for a while - until they are ready to start their journey anew.

Wrapping up this post, I probably don't need to point it out to the (presumably) mostly heathen audience of this blog that the two crows are almost a textbook example of how I'd imagine a sign from Odin/Wotan to look like. I'm always a bit hesitant to "default" to interpreting anything I experience as a sign from Odin in particular, which probably sounds silly and defiant. But it's not that I somehow resent the old man or refuse to acknowledge the possibility of him trying to throw some helpful hints my way. My feelings on the matter are a bit more complex than that. I'll probably make a separate post about this topic since it deserves more space than a footnote on another post. The gist is simply that I'm trying not to miss the forest for the trees by considering other options/sources/explanations/entities first instead of immediately looking at the most "obvious" and calling it a day. I'm not ruling out the possibility of his involvement at all (even "just" partial involvement), but to me this particular incident seems similar in "style" and circumstances as some other recent ones that I'm tentatively ascribing to some other sort of entity that I'm only starting to get a proper impression of. It's too soon for me to determine its identity with certainty.

[spirallingmoths]

I posted 727 times in 2022

That's 727 more posts than 2021!

120 posts created (17%)

607 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@idkjustgowithitok

@doomsdayradio

@crimmycram

@tinypaint

@sysboxes

I tagged 727 of my posts in 2022

#🌊.txt - 355 posts

#💥.txt - 167 posts

#🦀.txt - 120 posts

#art - 105 posts

#comfort tag - 49 posts

#[🐀] - 48 posts

#[ℹ️] - 48 posts

#[📝] - 46 posts

#🦇.txt - 43 posts

#positivity - 42 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#osdd protectors will be like oh shit so im actually not evil for being mentally ill and my anger at the world is because i love myself and

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Made myself in several picrews. This was fun

See the full post

4 notes - Posted December 3, 2022

#4

[stimboard]

See the full post

7 notes - Posted November 26, 2022

#3

We played Undertale for the first thanks to our boyfriend and our little has really been resonating with Frisk so she got her hair cut (in the innerworld) to match them. They also have been getting into heart imagery as a result. Even if they're not a Frisk fictive, they still really resonate with the game and the imagery of it

It kind of reminded me that alters don't have to stick to one thing their whole life. I don't know about other systems but in ours, I feel like a lot of us are too scared to change aesthetic or things we like or even change as people because we're scared of not being able to recognise ourselves anymore

So to any other systems seeing this, let yourself grow and change. You're allowed to change aesthetic or change what you like or develop as a person. You're allowed to be a person. You're allowed to like or resonate with media without being an introject from it. It's okay. You're still you. You're not betraying who you are or what your role is by letting yourself grow. Let yourself live and have fun a bit

19 notes - Posted November 25, 2022

#2

Humanity is not inherently bad. It is not inherently evil. It was not doomed from the start. Humanity is wonderful. Humanity is love. It is creation. It is looking at something insignificant and making it your own. It is counting the pepples on the ground as you wait for a traffic light to turn green. It is making mistakes and learning from them. It is neighbours helping eachother with small tasks. It is classmates lending pens to eachothers. It is looking at the clouds above and going "Hey that reminds me of something :)". It is creating art out of nothing. It is laughing with your friends. It is strangers exchanging friendly looks. It is children feeding pigeons. Humanity is good :)

86 notes - Posted October 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Friendly reminder to all protectors that you're a person too and you're allowed to just exist. You're allowed to front when something non stressful is happening. You're allowed to have hobbies or interests that aren't tied to being a protector. You're allowed to chill and relax a little, you're not stealing time from anyone I promise. You're allowed to cry or be sad or upset, you're not weak or a "bad protector" for doing so. You're a person too. It's great that you protect them but remember, you're not a shield, you're a person. You matter as much as the rest. The world won't end if you let yourself relax and live a little, I promise. You don't have to be strong all the time and I'm sorry if that is your current circumstance though, I promise it gets better. Just let yourself live and be a person. You've already done so much for them. You deserve some breaks and affection too

137 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[purplesurveys]

1859

Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? Haven't. I watched the first movie because it was on cable TV allllll the time, but that's it. That's not to say I found it annoying though – I loved the movie and watched it til the end every time it was on! just not enough to want to read the books and watch the rest of the movies I guess.

When was the last time you ran into something? Can't remember. This doesn't really happen to me a lot.

Do you enjoy dressing up? It's fun to do when it's from time to time. I cannot imagine having to do it everyday though...seems exhausting and I would assume a money-drainer since I'd then need to buy new outfits every time lol.

Do you live in the city or a rural area? Technically counts as a province since it's outside Metro Manila, but it's not rural to the point that we'd, like, have no malls or have highways that are only 1 lane each way, which is the case for many provinces here. We still have all the amenities of a city.

Would you say you have a sense of style? Sure, but my style comes in two alter egos – I have a mood that's more preppy (halter tops, flowy short-sleeved crop tops, high-waist jeans etc), but some days I'll feel like dressing more street (XL shirts, baggy jeans, 90s-style sneakers).

What’s your biggest fear? The people closest to me dying. I'm not scared of me dying, and it's really always been more of having to learn to live life without certain people.

Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? Nah. I've been bitten by Cooper once but that's it.

Are you close to any of your cousins? I'm very close to my eldest cousin on my mom's side; we're more like siblings than cousins at this point.

Have you ever been lost in the woods? Nope.

Where did you last travel? Our last quick vacation as a family was in Tanay for one night, then we transferred to Quezon Province for the second night.

Do you enjoy driving? If there's zero traffic, driving can be very relaxing and actually fun. Unfortunately that only happens either 1) on Sunday mornings, or 2) between 1-4 AM so I rarely get to experience it.

What song did you last listen to? To Find You from the movie Sing Street.

If you have a job, how often do you work? 8 hours a day, Mon to Fri. I prioritize work-life balance now so I don't allow myself to work weekends unless it's an absolute emergency.

What time do you normally go to sleep at night? Anywhere from 12-2 AM.

Do you watch a lot of movies? Not anymore. Somebody ruined that for me, but it's fine; I've found my peace with losing my love for movies.

Do you like Tom Petty? Not particularly.

Would you rather have snow or rain? I'm not really qualified to choose between these two.

Do you own a lot of sweaters? Nope.

Have you ever tried rock-climbing? I've never tried it before, but would like to even just once!

Ever ridden in a police car? Nope.

Favorite decade of music? I don't have one and I kind of just like bits of music from each decade.

Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? Angela will be my best friend for 19 years this 2024.

Ever witnessed a murder? Nope.

Do you care what people think of you? For the most part, no not really. I make myself likable as much as I can but if someone doesn't think nicely of me, I don't make it my problem anymore.

Does your room have a ceiling fan? It does not. I would prefer not to own one because I have a loft bed, and it would be nice to not have to worry about my head being chopped off hah.

Would you consider yourself poised? Tbh not really, I am pretty uptight and can get rattled easily hah.

Have you ever tried blogging? I did, but I was garbage at maintaining my Blogspots from before. This kind of microblogging works best for me.

Favorite television channel? I stopped having favorite channels a long time ago.

Have you ever lied under oath? No, but that's also because I've never needed to be in that situation.

What are your religious views? I don't have any; I ditched Christianity when I was 10 and have had zero regrets since.

Are you a romantic person? I am if with a partner, but I've chosen to be single so I haven't needed to whip out that side of me in years now.

When did you last change your bed sheets? A few weeks ago.

Would you consider yourself a flirt? Nah.

At what age do you plan to be married? I am no longer planning for that.

Do you eat a lot of junk food? Eh, I like to keep my diet balanced. Like yeah I have like burgers and a bunch of oily things 1-2 times a week, but I also have ~cleaner meals like salad wraps and stuff to make up for it. Middle-class Filipinos are always just one emergency away from getting bankrupt, so I'd rather play it safe especially now that I'm getting older.

When did you last go on vacation? I think our last family trip was in December, if I'm not mistaken.

Are you resilient? More than I would like to have been to begin with. People shouldn't always need to be resilient, and I have long taken issue with this concept. It makes bigger forces have an excuse to treat hardworking people like shit.

Have you ever failed a subject before? Yes, lots of times. I was never good in chemistry and advanced math, so that's why I had to work double time for the subjects I was good at to pull my averages up haha.

If so, what was the class? Oh, those two ^ then. Advanced math meaning geometry, calculus, and trig. I was never any good in physics too but I managed to play it safe for the most part, playing around the 80s in my exams.

Do you wear more bright or dull colors? More dull and neutral. Bright draws attention, and I don't want that.

Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? Sure.

What’s your favorite quote? "If you really love to be loved, I think it'd be good to show those who love you how much you've changed." I've lived by this advice every day ever since I heard it.

Would you consider yourself mature? Sure. I still like to be petty sometimes but that's reserved for a handful of very specific situations haha.

How many clocks are in your house? Two.

Do you play any sports? Table tennis.

What is your biggest life regret? Fighting to keep a relationship up longer than it should have. So many opportunities wasted...

Have you ever been injured in a car accident? Fortunately, no.

If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? I've been getting hit with ads from Sundowners Zambales and ngl, it'd be great to be back there right now lol. It's beachside, it's quiet, VERY remote...it's the vibe I definitely need right now.

Have you ever had highlights in your hair? I haven't. I prefer getting my entire head dyed.

Favorite fast food restaurant? KFC. The problem with that is that they also have the most unsanitary restaurants :( (floor always feels – not even slippery, more of...oily?, tables always smell like wet, old towels; glasses don't always look well-washed) but ugh their chicken is so good and the Fun Shots are great and the Twister is fun to eat and they also have the best fries...it's a love-hate relationship always with KFC hah.

In what country were you born? Philippines.

Are your eyes more than one color? Nope.

Have you ever caught something on fire? Nah, I stay away from fire because this is exactly the thing I want to avoid doing.

What would you consider your biggest flaw? When I prioritize myself, I can sometimes go overboard and have borderline narcissistic tendencies.

What do you think your best quality is? I'm *very* passionate about things and people I care for.

Do you enjoy listening to others’ problems? Not in particular, I'd say? I appreciate if they trust me enough to tell me about their challenges, but it can also be pressuring. Like if they ask for advice, there's that pressure to make sure whatever comes out of my mouth is correct, or that I'm reacting appropriately.

Do you keep any plants in your house? Well, my mom does. I don't really like plants.

What is your mother’s occupation? She's a secretary in the F&B department of one of the premier hotels in the country.

Do any of your friends like your musical style? Sure. I know a bunch of people who are into K-pop.

What are you most looking forward to? My dad coming home in two weeks. Jin coming back in a month + our Vietnam trip too!

What was your favorite television show as a child? Spongebob.

Are you afraid of insects? Yes.

Are you cold-natured? I can be, especially when not in the mood.

How old were you when you got your first pet? I was around 5 or 6 when we were first allowed to take care of goldfish.

Did you / do you enjoy high school? I liked some bits, hated others (mostly the teachers).

What would you say was your favorite age? The years I was 16 (2014) and 23 (2021).

What annoys you most about social networking? The constant bickering, aka TWITTER. I have used that garbage site 200% less because all that's left there now are stan accounts who should be imprisoned with all the hate speech and death threats they spew. TOUCH GRASS

Are you the center of attention most of the time? No, and I stay away from it most of the time.

What are you currently reading? Not reading anything but the next on my list is The Midnight Library.

When did you last go to the library? Yeesh. Five years ago.

Are you ill at the moment? Yeah, I've been a bit panicky with my health recently... I had food poisoning but the side effects have been lasting a week when my past experiences have only lasted 24 hours at most, so I've been on edge. I'm still not feeling 100% confident that everything is back to normal now so I'd still consider myself ill.

Do people tease you about anything? No, not really.

How late did you stay up last night and why? 3 AM. I was playing Rhythm Hive and was working towards a goal I told myself I needed to achieve before turning in, so that's why I ended up staying up that late haha.

Have you ever written poetry? Yes. I've been revisiting it recently. All of it is trash but it's for my eyes only so it's whatevs.

Curtains or shades? Shades.

How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? Zero.

Do you tend to text a lot? Not really. I just have days where I text more than usual, but it's not consistent.

Ever lost a great best friend? Sure.

What is your favorite kind of flower? Peonies.

Do you own any guns? Never.

What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? I don't have one yet.

Do you think you’re living a good life? I am definitely more fortunate than the average Filipino.

What’s your least favorite part of the day? 5 PM - 7 PM feels loneliest for me for some reason, especially on Sundays.

Are you an over-achiever? I am a perfectionist, but I wouldn't call myself an overachiever.

Have you ever won an award for a speech? Nah.

Do you tend to curse a lot? Yes.

Have you ever played on the Ouija board? No but would love to try it for the shits and giggles.

Do you sleepwalk? I've done it once or twice as a kid, but it never happened again.

Have you ever slept on the floor before? Yes.

Are you a fan of public displays of affection? It's fine, but it becomes annoying when you start getting in the way.

When did you last attend a yard sale? Over a decade ago would be a safe guess.

Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? Neither. I feel like at this point of my life I've hit the perfect balance of simple yet fun from time to time; and I've also learned to stop comparing my life to those of others, especially if their lives seem more eventful than mine. If that's what they're happy with, so be it – I am also just as content with keeping my life more lowkey now.

What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? Just survive the day without a client complaint, which is really the goal every work day.

When is your birthday? April 21.

Which is worse: going blind or deaf? I couldn't say, but also I feel like it's a bit inconsiderate to be like "oh having this disability would be SO AWFUL wow my life would be OVER" so casually when people with these disabilities very much exist and are living their lives every single day and I imagine them having to experience people going "man if *I* was blind I would just fucking DIE" has got to suck < Very well said. I'm in no place to assume and make comparisons.

What was the best part of today? We went out to celebrate Mother's Day and I took my family to lunch out in Barcino + I surprised my mom and grandma with roses :) I already gave my mom a pre-Mother's Day gift by getting her a shit ton of curtains a week ago lol, so I was telling both myself + my family that I might not be able to have anything planned for Mother's Day itself because I wanted to save...

Until I thought, screw it. It's my mom's day, and this only happens once a year, and money will always come back. So out to lunch we went and she got the flowers she wanted to get too.

Do you attempt to stay away from drama? Yeah. Such a waste of time. My instant reaction to drama is to resolve it, if ever I am involved.

What liquid did you last drink? Peanut butter latte.

Do you ever prefer to be alone? That is my preference these days, yes.

Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? Nope.

Favorite Disney movies? Toy Story 1-4 and Tangled.

Have you ever been to the beach? Many times.

If you have, how many times have you been? More times than I can count.

What was your dream occupation at age ten? I wanted to be a writer.

Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? No.

Do you drink a lot of water? Yes.

Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? Hardwood. Carpet flooring is not a practice here, unless you're in a hotel.

Do you take naps daily? Nope.

Who were you named after? My name was only inspired/lifted from someone, but I wouldn't say I was named after that person specifically – my parents knew next to nothing about said someone haha. Anyway, that person would be the singer Robyn.

Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? We don't have your four seasons but anyway yes we have a Vietnam trip slated for June, whatever season that falls under.

Do you know anyone who is colorblind? As far as I know, no.

Have you ever been a teacher’s pet? No.

What is your absolute favorite hobby? Going to museums and watching documentaries.

How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Two.

Ever been to a tanning bed before? Nope. Don't need to.

Are you satisfied with your financial stability? I am, but it could still be better.

Who is your favorite actor / actress? Kate Winslet.

Are your nails painted? Nope.

What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? I'm honestly not sure. I've had very mean things said to me so I've used those moments to vow to never do the same to anyone. I'm definitely very careful with the words I say, and I've even been told at work that even when I mean to be pissed, I still sound motherly lol.

Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? Yeah, especially the classic saying sorry to tables and mannequins when I walk into them haha.

What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? OH I had this peanut butter frozen pie at a restaurant I went to recently and it was the Greatest Thing on Earth. My standard for ice cream is now ruined because of it hahah.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Yes.

Do you receive any hate mail? No, lmao.

Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? I don't think I have.

If you could, would you have a pen pal? Nope.

What color are the pants you’re wearing? White.

Have you ever had a stalker? No.

What is your life philosophy? This is directly lifted from the Genius explanation of TXT's Skipping Stones: "It is about the shift to self-acceptance when one day you will no longer be tough on yourself and instead meet yourself where you’re at."

I felt very overwhelmed when I first came across it, because it was the first time I realized that this kind of thinking resonates with me now. I was so used to hating myself and being disappointed with the person that I was, being disappointed with the progress I (thought I) was barely making – that I didn't even realize that I was slowly letting go of those tendencies and was actually unconsciously being softer with myself now. Encountering those words made me realize I am now okay with whoever I am and whatever I have achieved, and that I can just go from here.

Who last sent you a goodnight text message? Nobody.

Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? A few, but tbh purple is not my best color so I don't plan to have a lot of purple pieces.

Have you ever been in a hot tub before? I don't think so.

What’s your favorite comedy movie? White Chicks.

In which year were you born? 1998.

[zot3-flopped]

But why even give that hate blog anymore traffic?

I do it - not very often by the way! - because the not-Canadian mod is actually a closet fan, maybe an ex-Larrie, and she's not very bright. I figure people reading it because they are unsure about Harry could do with a subtly different take on his activities. I just want to dial down the theories about him, which are mainly about his business or his hair/looks, or what a flop he is. They don't know a lot about how businesses are run, or how PR works, and he's patently not a flop, so it's all a bit lightweight. (The worst nastiness was reserved for Olivia Wilde and I could not make inroads there, she really hates her with a passion.)

I started reading it when I first got kind of obsessed with Harry and I really didn't know stuff, so I just read around Tumblr. And I was like, this is ridiculous, this guy is just being a pop star (which is pretty commercial and that's normal!) and trying not to have twats poking into his business. So of course he keeps himself on the down low a lot of the time and then sometimes pops up for a photo. They seem to think this is evil and calculated, which I think is stupid. Just about the worst they say about him is that an unseen photo will leak right when there's a negative story about him. I don't see the correlation myself but let them have their fantasy of him as a machiavellian creep. (Or they say he looks old. Big deal.)

I also used to read Portrait, in a know your enemy kind of a way but that person is absolutely vile, and much smarter. So your innocently worded asks don't get through (and actually I got banned from there). There are a few stories created by Portrait that are repeated with absolutely no evidence, designed to be out there in the world getting repeated, and I hate that, but there's nothing I can do about it. The other one is that Goongiveusnothing person who is just a sad case, I don't even bother there. She has other stuff going on, clearly.

Agree about the American mod being a closet fan. The way she calls him Harry Edward Styles and the extent of her hatred for Olivia Wilde is proof of that, plus all the UA style photos she posts.

[marthespot]

Mar the Spot

I haven't done this in a while, so bear with me; the brain doesn't work like it used to, and some of the ways that it does work are not in ways that I want it to be working. A long time ago, I wrote by the Bradbury Prescription, but it's been fifteen years since I felt the need to set down my day with structure and to explore what I thought and felt about it. It's eminently and inarguably more proper to do so in an untargeted - though technically public - form than it is to make someone's eyes glaze over in texts or DMs, and since the need appears to exist, here I am. The name I used for hundreds of thousands of words isn't present in Google results anymore, because it's a series of locked pages on a low-traffic blogging site that was only the second or third most popular blogging site available, even fifteen years ago. Looking at the other people currently using it, I'm glad it's not mine anymore; they don't look like good literary neighbors. I've been drinking heavily for eight years, now, ever since she showed me three positive pregnancy tests. I wouldn't give back the time I've spent parenting, and I can't imagine life without my child, but it was very much a thing that I assumed there would be some discussion about before a pregnancy occurred. Instead, ADHD appears to have caused some skips in birth control pill dosing. Since then, it was pregnancy, partial miscarriage (it may have been twins, originally?), marriage, home ownership on short notice with all of the attendant and still-parading maintenance issues that you could expect from a home built in 1912 and being sold as part of an acrimonious divorce by the landlord-owners, and so, so much. Parenting has been better the longer it goes on. It was both incredibly difficult and incredibly unfulfilling when the child was an infant, because they were functionally a very loud plant that rapidly excreted waste substances. The most helpful thing that anyone told me when we had a newborn was a person helping on a meal train, who walked in with the food, looked and the baby, and said "Aw, it's been so long since I've had one that they're almost cute again!" I have no idea how single parents survive at any phase, but particularly with a newborn.

For several years after infancy, it seems like every time your child Levels Up in terms of ability, all they've really done is unlocked a new way for them to cause severe damage to their own skull or internal organs. Everything dangerous looks delicious, every hard corner is right at head level, and with any luck, YOUR child will also have the gleeful obsession with pulling safety covers off of things that want very much to go Bonk on little heads.

And then, at long last, words start to come. and you start getting to talk to an extremely low-resolution edition of the human that you hope you'll get to continue getting to know and helping out for the rest of your life. It's not that you couldn't get to know them prior, but that it was more difficult to know exactly what they thought of things; you'd know they didn't like a food or an experience, but not the specifics of what it was like on their end of things.

They spend the pandemic isolated from other people, as is not unusual for children their age, and it didn't seem to bother them much, presumably because they weren't old enough to remember things being particularly different. Mom and Dad were always around, thanks to dad's switch to telework, and we were always glued to screens because that's what there was to do in pandemic isolation, so it didn't seem like much of a hardship until it started getting to be time to start school.

They sobbed on the way to their first day, but bucked up and bravely stepped out of the car at drop off, still crying. They forced a smile and gave a tiny-thumbed Thumbs Up gesture before trudging away with that huge-looking backpack. All the frustrating of coping with what I see as an over-response to the simple process of going somewhere that Mom and Dad aren't bled away, and I cried a bit, myself, because .. well, they were temporarily not there, and that'd never been the case in their entire life.

The first year of school was a constant, sleep-deprived nightmare. Our child had never been substantially sick, and none of us had so much as a cold for the two years we spent almost completely isolated and N95'd on the occasion that we actually had to go somewhere; drop that immune system into kindergarten and you have the recipe for some respiratory wildness. They woke up coughing at least once or twice, almost every night; woke up coughing and crying hard enough to throw up maybe once or twice a week, all school year.

Funny story, looking back at the nightmare, is that they were finally diagnosed with asthma at the tail end of kindergarten and given an albuterol inhaler, which shut down the worst of the coughing. Corticosteroids, prescribed later, eventually made for a dramatic improvement in lung function and an equally dramatic reduction in coughing. Even while sleeping! Even while sick!

I recently went sober after those years of drinking because the cumulative unhappiness with the states of my body and my mind, along with the presumed impact on my life expectancy, finally coupled with a conversation that I couldn't keep up with while hung over to push me over the edge and just quit. And that conversational buddy has continued - as good ones do - to make me think, whether deliberately or inadvertently; since I don't think they should be punished for that with the unexpected unleashing of literary floodgates, again .. here I am.