#also i did not proofread this but wrote it when i was Sleepy so hopefully everything makes sense wahoooo

[charmwisp]

WHERE: prancer's ranch WHEN: the wee hours, when the 17th of june runs into the 18th WHO: anka mae-nava'i ( @hxneybvns )

She bolted upright in the bed, snapping so quickly to wakefulness that she hardly had time to recall where she was. Rika had been having that dream again. No matter how many times the same tired scene played out, she always felt the same fear, the same horror, and she always woke drenched in the same cold sweat. Except...no, this time, the dream wasn't all the same. The sweat on her brow was something she'd felt in the dream as well. It had been the same room as always, with that strange creature, but everything was so hot. She had backed up against the wall and scalded her palms when she used her hands for support. When she'd snatched her hands back and turned to face the creature one more, Rika had found she could barely see it for the heat haze distorting the air around them. But that had just been a dream. It should be over now.

Her fingers dug into unfamiliar sheets, and the weight of the duvet against her torso was just heavy enough as to feel utterly foreign. Still trapped in the space between realms, between dreams and consciousness, she could hardly breathe. Tears pricked at her eyes and her throat felt numb, as though she might just throw up here and now. Yet, as her eyes began to adjust to the darkness, so too did her mind adjust to reality; of course this was not her cramped Seal Harbour bedroom, where she'd been forced to cram most of what she owned into a rickety bookshelf, but the warm and cosy room she'd rented from Anka's ranch for the next night or so. But the comfort of recognition did not stay with her long. Beyond the shaky sigh of relief that escaped her trembling frame was a great deep pool of dread that refused to drain – a gut instinct that something was wrong. Rika always trusted her gut instinct.

Gingerly, she stepped out of the bed, going one foot at a time because the coolness of the hardwood floors had come as a shock after that dream. Any other night, Rika would have turned on the bedside lamp before exploring but something, a whisper in the back of her mind, told her she ought to leave it alone, that whatever she was looking for was best seen in the dark. Moving slowly as to avoid tripping over own feet in the dark, Rika made her way over to the window and drew back the curtains, where she was greeted with nothing but darkness. More darkness. The sky in Anchorage was clear enough that she could see the stars twinkling and that alone was a breath-taking sight but it was a common one too, not unusual enough to put her at such unease. She narrowed her eyes, as though squinting would allow her to see some vague hidden shadow shifting around in the undergrowth, but all she could ascertain was the gentle breeze rustling through the trees, blowing in the direction of the ranch. And then, that was when she saw it. It started as a faint orange flickering in the corner of Rika's eyes but, almost as though her consciousness of its presence had awoken it, the flicker grew into a bright and hungry blaze, its flames reaching out like the tongues of a ferocious beast lapping up the countryside. It had started over in Crow Creek but it would not take long for it to reach---

Rika was out the room in a rush, throwing open the door with no mind paid to the sleeping guests in the adjacent rooms. Her feet thumped against the floorboards as she flew down the hallway, stumbling over her own feet as she went. All her life, she had never been a particularly fast runner nor had she been very athletic but it was pure adrenaline that carried her now. Rika drew to a stop outside the room that held the sleeping forms of the ranch's owners and she found she could not bring herself to open the door herself, paralysed both by a deep-set unwillingness to cross the boundaries of privacy and the irrational fear that she might scald her palm on the door handle. (That nightmare, it always felt so real.) “Anka!” she called out, at the top of her voice. It surprised Rika to hear how own desperate her own voice sounded. “Anka, please wake up. Please come out. It's--” Urgent. That was what she had wanted to say but she had choked on the words. There was a part of her that questioned the panic that seemed to have taken over. The fire was not close yet and there was no guarantee of danger, but that terrible gut feeling and the lingering fear from the nightmare had pushed her to brink of rationality. Oh, how stupid she felt! At the very least, the time it would take Anka to wake up and finally show their face should be enough for Rika to catch her breath and calm down.

[multmilk]

summary: just tae as a college student and plant mom on the side. also slow burn & sexy times :)

genre: smut & fluff !!

warnings: um dirty talk? bit of curse words? smut lol 

au/prompt: college!au, bestfriendtolovers!au

word count: 2818

not proofread, sorry!! wrote this in one seating hehehehe 

 i think Taehyung would be the kind of guy who’d wanna purse arts and/or fashion but he’d go for something a little more prAcTIcaL

introducing, Kim Taehyung of Daegu, 24, major in business

 he’d want his own business someday, just not quite sure what it’d be

 anyways, even being a sophomore at college, he’d have girls and boys feigning over him because he’s just famous for a lot things

 one of which is his looks

 another being the cute barista at your local café

and the one who sings at bars every weekend

he’s just very popular and everyone adored him

but he isn’t the f boy type of popular, though many people did want to sleep with him, he just politely declines them

not saying he doesn’t get action though noPE he’d have sex occasionally when his schedule allows him to

fast forward to monday, a day where college students doze off and attend class 6 hours late 

Taehyung was always punctual and early but today’s an exception

he fell asleep doing equations and maths on his table and well his classes start at 9 am but he woke up around noon

 Taehyung doesn’t even bother to change clothes nor brush his teeth, he just zoops out of his apartment and rushes toward campus

 he’s still sleep deprived from all the work load and late night shifts but his adrenaline’s too much that he reaches the campus in 10 minutes when it usually takes him a good 20 minutes

he just keeps on running and just as he was about to approach the door to 34A (where mr. jung teaches philosophy,, his minor) the door completely smacks him in the face

 he clutches his nose that was hit and was about to curse the person who accidentally hit him but when he sees who hit him

 his brain just goes @/$;2($:&sk;L3

 LIKE WOW???

hair blowing in the wind, light focusing on her figure, flowy dress lightly being blown by the wind and worry etched into her features

 “oh my gosh, i’m so so sorry !!” even her voice sounds like an angel

Taehyung says “it’s fine” then acts all cool and stuff and she smiles at him

AND WHEN HE WAS ABOUT TO ASK FOR HER NAME SHE JUST WOOSHES AND he’s left there looking at her disappearing figure

aaaand that’s where you come in thought that the angel-like girl was you? haH

you see taehyung still clutching his nose and staring off to space so you smack his back and he yelps in pain

“Y/N!!!!”

“TAEHYUNG !!!” you mimick but then you quickly apologize seeing that he was in a bad mood

you fix his hair and ask what happened

you two walk to the cafeteria as he tells you everything that happened

including the oh-so-beautiful girl that accidentally hit his face

“i wanna date her. she’s made my heart race so much. that’s very rare,”

you look at him like ????? like bro you’ve just met her and you’re IN L OV E

 what about me? you think. i’ve been with you all these years and you never even consider looking at me like that.

but you don’t say that. of course you don’t. that’s just too selfish.

so you hype him up and tell him you’d ask around for the girl’s name and Taehyung hopefully finds her to get her number

fast forward and you and Taehyung goes home. you two have no work today, just some lectures to catch up to

you set up the microwave to heat the fried chicken you bought home and Taehyung attend to his plants 

yes he is a plant mom™️ like he sings and hums classical tunes while he waters the plants and letting out little praises and encouragements 

he’s just overall a proud mom of his plants tbh

anyways you and Taehyung work on your school stuff until you felt your body growing tired and found yourself laying down on his lap

the view like this is ✨majestic✨his hair was loose and he had a headband to keep the bangs off of his face

his jaw was locked in concentration as he tries to make the numbers MAKE SENSE

 not to mention how your face is just millimeters away from his crotch akskakd

but you’re wholesome so you ignore the pool of arousal that’s in between your legs

“let’s go to sleep Taeee,” you whine but he pays you no mind

so you opt for straddling his lap so that he’d pay attention to you and it worked

“leave me alone please? you could sleep and i’ll wake you up later,” then he smiles at you

gaaaah his smile just aldksofkeoyn he’s soooo friggin’ warm and cuddly and when he smiles he just takes your heart then and there

but you stay perched on his lap and opt to nuzzle your head on the crook of his neck and mumble about sleeping there

he just chuckles and shifts a little bit to feel more comfortable

that night, Taehyung holds you dearly while he finishes his work. if you were awake, you’d probably see the slightest hint of adoration in his eyes whenever he’d stop working and look at you.

of course he loved you, way more than platonic. about half the population falls in love with their best friend anyways right?

but he wasn’t going to confess. he knew you deserve someone better

see, Taehyung, he sees himself as this messy and too emotionally damaged to even fucking function. much less start a relationship with you.

sure you were damaged like him, maybe even more, but he just can’t risk of hurting you and breaking you into pieces. you’ve already lost so much, he doesn’t want to add to that. so he opts for kissing you on the lips, just lightly. light enough so that it doesn’t stir you awake or anything of the like. he lays you down in his bed and bids you goodnight.

you and him started being friends back in the first year of college, you were both 4th year college students now. anyways, you used to visit the coffee shop he works at almost everyday. he’s seen you stress over your finals, seen you hang out with your friends there, also seen you cry when you boyfriend left you. 

you’ve always ordered something simple, choosing a black coffee instead of something creamy and milky.

until one day you decide to say, “surprise me,” to Taehyung and he just stares at you confused. then you tell him to give you something different, something he’d recommend to you.

alas Taehyung’s mocha latte was born !1!1!

 it was something simple and common as well but it held special meaning to him.

And so you started ordering his mocha latte while you stayed and studied at the coffee shop, eventually forming a friendship with Taehyung.

Anyway back to the present times

come Friday night and you were surprised to find out that Taehyung was going out on a date.

with Seo Soojin

the girl who hit him accidentally on the face

you were surprised with a lot things. first, knowing Taehyung was going out on a date. he wasn’t the type to date and settle down. I mean, of course he’d eventually settle down with a girl but not now. not while he’s in college.

Second, Soojin was actually pretty. In a goddess level, she might just be your girl crush lololol

And lastly, you thought that you had a chance with your gorgeous best friend. You knew he pecked you on the lips while he thought you were sleeping. You were sleeping at one point but you woke up when he lifted you up to place you on the bed. It took all of your willpower to not kiss him back but you were afraid of ruining things, despite the obvious actions he’s made.

But after days of convincing from your other friends, you decided to ask him out.

Yes, girls ask boys out now. it’s the twenty-fucking-first century after all

BUT THE UNIVERSE HAD OTHER PLANS

NOOO fate had to watch your best friend dress up in a nice tux and slick his hair back as he waited for Soojin to text him her address. You had to act all supportive while deep down you knew that him going out with Soojin was hurting you a lot more than you liked.

Now Taehyung,,,,,, he was more than surprised to feel his heart flutter at the appearance of Soojin. She really is pretty but he couldn’t help but think that you would look a lot better.

Their date surprisingly went well but he hoped that he just spent the night with you instead.

He came home to you watering his plants for him and he felt his heart flutter at the sight.

There you were, wearing his grey hoodie and god knows what else underneath

You had your earphones on while you tended to his cacti and various other plants 

If he were a murderer you’d be dead, no doubt bout that

So, he hugs you from behind and rest his chin on your shoulder

You ask him about his date, ignoring the pang in your heart when he talks about how good it was

Instead of breaking your heart over the details in their date, you focus on his warm voice that almost made you sleepy tbh

Taehyung didn’t know why he narrated their date with so much enthusiasm. Maybe he wanted to get out a reaction out of you

But you stayed calm and interested with what he was saying, not showing any signs of jealousy or hurt

He goes to take a shower and he was expecting to have a movie night with you but surprised to see that you’ve gone to bed and so he does to 

You two don’t sleep well that night

SATURDAAAAAAY and Saturdays mean parties

Meaning, Taehyung and you getting shit faced and the two of you could barely make it back to your apartment alive

But it was no doubt your favorite part of the week

You got dressed up wearing something seductive yet still conservative on the side paired with the comfiest pair of heels you have

When Taehyung saw you all dolled up, he was like :000 DAYUMMMM

But he felt a little overprotective when he thinks about the people who’ll look at your body and all that so he gives you his jacket

Though you tell him it’s too hot and that you could handle yourself if ever something happens

You’re already in the party and Taehyung swears to himself that he’ll keep an eye on you and that if something bad ever happens to you he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself 

He sees you out of your comfort zone, dancing around people and gathering attention from lots of people

You’re happy with the attention so you keep on partying

Taehyung was about to go to the bathroom, thinking that you’d be fine since you were just dancing, but then he sees a man talk to you

The man was fucking tall, very smug, very untrustworthy

His lips were too close on your ear and you seem very very uncomfortable

So Taehyung rushes to your side, grips your waist and says,

“Back off. She’s mine.” WITH THAT LOW AND SEXY VOICE OF HIS ASKJJDSK IM LOSING IT

But the guy had the aUDACITY to ignore Taehyung and continues “so, will you spend the night with me sweetcheeks?”

TAEHYUNG GROWLS AT PUSHES THE GUY WITH SO MUCH FORCE

You had to grip his arm and ask him to stop and not make a scene with the smallest voice you have

And just as you two were about to leave, the guy shouts “lucky you, you’ve got a fine piece of ass right there,” and that’s all it takes for Taehyung to throw his fist at the guy

Everyone stopped dancing and focused on the scene unravelling in front of them

Pulling Taehyung back you tell him “that’s enough,” and drag him out of the house

The whole walk home was quiet and the tension was thick

“It’s because of that damn outfit,” he says once you’ve entered your shared apartment

You scoff and bend down to take you heels off and say “It’s not my fault men can’t control their dicks,”

Taehyung looks at you with this animalistic glint in his eye and stalks toward you

“You should’ve been more careful, babygirl,”

His lips attack your neck

You couldn’t move because you were shocked and aroused all at the same time

He sucks at the sweet spot on your neck and it just turned you into a moaning mess

You tug his hair, moan his name 

“Jump,” he commands and so you do

He kisses your lip and you kiss him back with more force

Tongues fighting for dominance, teeth clashing, little spills of moans and grunts here and there

“When I saw you in that article you call clothes,” he chuckles “all I could think about was ripping it off of you right there and then,” he kisses your collarbones

“It isn’t the first time too. All the nights you spend snuggled up to me wearing my shirt with no bra on and I could feel your breasts pushed up against me,” he unzips your clothing and lets it fall to floor

·“God fucking dammit Taehyung. Fuck me already,” you say and he looks up at you

A smirk on his lips and eyebrows raised in challenge

He grips your hip and you wrap your legs around him as he carries you to your bedroom

You were slightly expecting him to be just a tad bit gentle but clearly he was in a bad mood so he throws you into the bed and removes both of your clothes quickly

 “Suck,” he tells you and moans when your lips wrap around his digit

He brings his fingers to pump his cock a bit and pushes into your cunt without warning 

The force got you screeching and clawing at his back

“Fuck, harder,” you mewl and he obliges

He fucks you at an animalistic speed and his eyes bore into yours as he thrusts deeper into you 

It doesn’t take long for you to reach your climax and Taehyung’s thumb rubs your clit until you were coming

And he’s coming to and as much as you want him to finish inside of you, you knew that that wasn’t safe so he pulls out and cums on your tummy

He helps you scoot over and lays beside you

“I’m in love with you and this is probably the worst timing ever but I just want to say that I loved you for a long time and even if you don’t like me back, I’ll keep on loving you and-“ he rambles

But you cut him off with a sweet and slow kiss

“I’m in love with you too, Tae. Have been for a long time,” and you look at him 

The moonlight from the window doing wonders to his face

His lips turn into a small smile and kisses you again

And again

And again

“Do you know why I made you a mocha latte on that day?” he quietly speaks as he tangles your bodies together

“Ooooh that’s a question I’ve been dying to ask for a long time. Tell me. tell me,” you pipe

He breathes before saying, “you know how you alternate ordering an americano on bad and normal days and plain milk on warm and good days?” You nod 

“Well, a mocha latte is a combination of both with just with added chocolate flavouring and sugar,”

“That’s how you made me feel,” he says and you look at him with question marks in your eyes

He laughs, “Before you, my life was just plain and dull. Kind of like an americano,”

“But then you started visiting the café shop more and everyday it brought me a whole new feeling,”

“Every time you’re sitting at alone, whether it be studying or just reading, it made me feel a lot of things. happiness, curiousity, the whole butterflies in my stomach thing,”

“So think of the sugar and chocolate to be my growing feelings for you and yeah,” he laughs again and this time you laugh with him 

“I love you, even though you’re so damn cheesy!”

“I love you too, Y/N. I love you,” and you both smile and hold each other

“I think I’m going to have a coffee shop as my business once I graduate,” he says and you nod

And you two live life happy and healthy 😊) (safe to say the universe’s on your side now)

 SO SORRY IF THAT WAS TOOOOO LONG AND NGL I FEEL BAD FOR SOOJIN AND THIS SEEMS SO RUSHED AKJDS ANW HOPE Y’ALL LIKED IT :>

[chronicallypainful]

What's your story? Sorry if this is too intrusive I saw you say something about curling into a ball and crying about how you have no future and then getting better?? And I'm in the same position right now so I guess I'm looking for hope

My story. I'm not sure my life (or human lives in general) fits into a neat story structure. The story of how I got the diagnosis is long and complicated, with plenty of dead ends along the way. The story of how I learned to cope is even longer. But let me try to give a summary.

I first had persistent pain as a junior in high school. I was attending a boarding school, which emphasized an academically rigorous curriculum. It was a supportive environment, where I felt strong ties to both my peers and my instructors, but the pain was still terrifying.

It started in my wrists, and I firmly believe that I had and overuse injury, probably carpal tunnel or similar. I read everything I could about those sorts of injuries, while also applying my perfectionism to ergonomics.

As the pain didn't go away and started to migrate into my elbows, I found myself in a place of conflict. On one hand, everything I was reading about overuse injuries told me to stop. Stop typing. Stop using the computer. Don't aggravate the condition. On the other hand, I was a student, and a perfectionistic one at that. I felt that I had to use the computer. I had school work to do.

In this time period, I did start investigating assistive technologies. I started using Dragon NaturallySpeaking for as much computer work as I could. (Dragon NaturallySpeaking is software that allows me to talk to my computer to write text and, to a limited degree, navigate the user interface.) However, the software did not work for mathematics and computer science. In those subjects, I was stuck with a keyboard.

I also investigated mouse alternatives and ergonomic keyboards. I tried several, including trackballs, large touchpads, and split keyboards. Some of them resulted in a slight reduction in pain, but they all still hurt.

I was willing to cause myself pain and, I thought, possibly physical harm in the name of academic work, but I could not justify that risk when it came to my hobbies. I completely stopped playing to musical instruments, playing video games, doing hobbyist computer programming, and knitting.

While all of this is going on, I am doing my best to consult medical professionals. The nurse practitioner who was my primary care physician at the time dismissed my concerns, saying I had tendinitis and telling me to take ibuprofen and ice the area daily. A few months later, I saw an orthopedist who, after ruling out any structural problems, sent me to physical therapy. In physical therapy, I did build strength, but it did not reduce my pain.

This general pattern continued for at least two years. I struggled through school, always managing to excel academically, but also always fearing that I was hurting myself with my computer use. I continued to use speech to text software to write papers where I could, but that software continued to be useless in mathematics and computer science. The pain continued to spread, affecting more and more of my body over time. I saw several more doctors, who continued to be useless.

When I went to college, I majored in mathematics. I thought about computer science, but my inability to type made that an unattainable goal. Nonetheless, I do love mathematics, and I do not regret that choice.

One other thing changed when I went to college; I registered with disability services. Overall, that office was not particularly helpful to me. But, I did now have documentation that I could take to my professors and explain that I could not write or type (much). Unlike in high school, I took the approach that I wasn't going to cause myself unnecessary pain by doing significant fine motor activities. The math department worked with me very well, and I took many oral exams and even submitted a fair bit of oral homework while an undergraduate student.

However, by my sophomore year, it was becoming clear just how much this condition was a disability when it came to my imagined future in mathematics. I could not write down my own mathematical ideas. I couldn't work out a critical computation on a chalkboard, and I also couldn't write a mathematics paper. It felt to me like all of my mathematical ideas were necessarily filtered through someone else. And that felt very confining. The best analogy I can give is that of a painter forced to "paint" only by telling an assistant what to do. She is never allowed to touch the paintbrush herself; only to give descriptions to the assistant.

There were a number of reasons why I now see that my thinking at that time was wrong, but, at that time, I felt hopeless. I have a very clear memory of myself sitting/lying on the rug in my dorm room and crying. I was in constant physical pain. I couldn't see how I had a future in mathematics, but I also couldn't see any other future for myself. I felt worthless, hopeless, and extremely angry. I rolled around on that rug, sobbing uncontrollably while also fighting the urge to punch things, to break things.

That was the point where I realized I needed help. Once I had calmed down from my hour or so of crying, the depth of my anger was a wake-up call for me. I called the counseling center at my college and set up an appointment.

And, slowly, pieces started to fall into place. I participated in group therapy, focused on cognitive behavioral therapy skill building. I learned to separate out thoughts, emotions, and actions. I learned to identify some of the thought patterns that had previously trapped me. I listened to my peers talk about their challenges, and I shared my own. I gave voice to my fears, and I no longer felt like I was facing the world alone. In short, I learned to cope.

About a year later, I finally got a diagnosis. (I'm omitting the long string of doctors and other medical professionals that led to that diagnosis. There is a list in one of my recent posts.) Central sensitization syndrome. Very similar to fibromyalgia or chronic myofascial pain syndrome. There is no cure, and there are very few effective treatments. But it did establish, once and for all, that this disease is not my fault. I didn't do this to myself by abusing my body at the keyboard; this disease is neurochemical.

About a year after my diagnosis, I found the tumblr spoonie community and started writing about my experiences. This community has meant a lot to me. It has helped me learn how to communicate, and reminded me that I'm not alone in this often confusing experience.

Over the next couple of years, I had a few more small victories. I found a good physical therapist, who I worked with for a little over a year, and we did manage to improve my pain somewhat. I finally made some progress on assistive technology for writing mathematics, and, for the first time in years, I was able to write part of my own paper. I graduated, with honors, from my college with a bachelors of science degree in mathematics. I was accepted into a well-respected graduate program, and I was granted financial support to study there.

My first semester graduate school tossed me some extra challenges in the form of extreme fatigue and sleepiness. I was falling asleep in lecture after lecture during my first semester. In February, I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea and began treatment with CPAP. Over the past approximately one year, I have worked with my sleep doctor to control the residual sleepiness that remained even with CPAP. It's not perfect, but I am doing much better.

More recently, I passed a major set of exams for my graduate program, and I'm starting to identify potential research topics/advisors as I move forward in my program.

It's late, and I need to go to bed. I hope what I've written is at least semi-coherent. In addition to being tired, I wrote it with speech to text software, and I haven't proofread thoroughly.

I hope this is helpful. As I reflect on my experiences, what I see is the story of how I learned to live with illness and disability, how I adapted, and how I grew. It's not easy, and it took years. And I still have to work at some of it today. I still have to remind myself that it's okay to be disabled, to reassure myself that it's okay to ask for help, and to drag my brain out of catastrophizeing thought spirals. I still have bad days, both mentally and physically, and there are still days when I want nothing more than to take a deep breath and scream at the top of my lungs. But I am grateful. I am grateful for this life. I am grateful for this opportunity to live, to experience so many wonderful things, and to hopefully have a net positive impact on the lives of the people around me. And I'm hopeful about the future. Not so much about the idea that I might one day be cured (though that would be great!), but about all of the awesome things that I am going to do as a disabled person. I'm excited for the art I will make, the math I will do, the assistive technology that I will invent, the lives I will touch with kindness and compassion. I live with constant physical pain, but I have made it to a place where I am still so amazingly grateful to be alive. 

As far as I can tell, that’s reason to hope.  I wish you the best.