#also i did in fact have to go through my spotify for this bc this was suprisingly hard

[monstrous-femme]

Name 10 favorite songs with names in the title:

tagged by@annieofhearts <3

Clementine - Halsey

Barbie and Ken - Scene Queen

Persephone - Sidney Gish

Just Monika: A Doki Doki Literature Club Song - Random Encounters OR30, Adrian Figueroa

Talia - King Princess

You & Jennifer -bülow

Medusa - Kailee Morgue

Baxter 3rd is Under Fucking Siege - Penelope Scott

Samson - Regina Spektor

Kyle and the Kids - The Bojack Horseman Soundtrack

tagging @ivanhoe-dont-do-it, @runawaymarbles, @tremarctos-ornatus, @galwithalibrarycard, @sirenofthetimes and @kierpenta

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/30/2024

most annoying book i've read so far this year under the jump

listening

a lovely polyrhythmic instrumental piece with previously-featured tuesdaysong artist, terrifying master of the cello, abel selaocoe. this is very textured and kind of scrubs at the inside of my skull in a pleasing way. like the kind of back scrubber you can buy with a bamboo handle and the long soft bristles. popped up on my recent releases playlist from spotify.

-

reading

really fucking pissed about this book and i am not able to be reasonable about it. i was really thrown, much like the fantasy prince's mother from her carriage as she was being chased by regency gossip reporters, that this was a prince harry/meghan markle RPF AU. i am a bit uncomfy about the fact that our female lead, the fantasy AU meghan markle, is some flavor of fantasy Gaelic instead of fantasy mixed-race. now, i have no particular moral or physical beef with RPF but i don't typically seek it out. but/also/and, much like works about marilyn monroe, i think works with the specter of princess diana are in poor taste. can we leave these women alone maybe

i got about halfway through the book before this revelation and didn't really feel like it succeeded at much of anything it was trying to do. oddly informal and choppy, like it was originally intended as a contemporary romance with some urban magic and changed to regency in a late draft. this is combined with some fairly weak prose: more simple sentence structure than i would expect in a book for young adults, far too many proper nouns, and a lack of interest in showing not telling.

i straight up don't understand why the leads are attracted to each other if she keeps making very public mistakes and he's a rude cunt. i have read other books (most recently the t kingfisher books) where someone grows to love a very gruff or taciturn man, but it takes time and mutual trust and an effort on both sides, none of which happen here. the core conflict is duty to family in all its various forms vs the heart wants what the heart wants. the conflict is not much of a conflict, though, because characters come to realizations within three sentences of confronting them and then vocalize them with therapyspeak. someone literally pats someone else's hand and goes, "It's hard, I know." the author mercifully did not describe the sad little pursed sympathy mouth but i'm sure it was there.

i'm also deeply annoyed with how this author chose to go about characterization. while the character concepts are people i would love to meet in a ttrpg, it feels very concerned about Good Representation and it makes everyone feel very wooden. i think when you put together characters from a list of various oppressions and disabilities it starts feeling like a grownup version of a children’s ensemble show meant to sell little blind box figurines. here is the Chronically Ill one, and her color is pink! here is the Addicted one, and his color is green! here is the Goth and Depressed one, and her color is black with some bones! here is the Gay one who was once badly hurt by the Addicted one, and we don’t care enough about him to give him a color! here is the superficially fantasy-Jewish one, and we don’t care enough about her to give her a color or an action figure either!

while normally i would love to read a book with two! TWO! canonically bisexual leads of different genders! this book is written for the "folx" spectrum of gays instead of the "fags" part of the spectrum and it strays very close to a modern morality tale for me.

this popped up on a list of books with bi leads i think, but if it was here or on libby i cannot remember.

anyway! fucking hated this one.

pleasantly surprised these came in back to back off my holds lists, bc they are about the perfumer Grace and Grace's former landlord, the spy Marguerite. my favorite of these Saint of Steel series is still the one with the werebear nun. i have nothing to complain about these books and not much to say about them either. they were such a delightful and competent change of pace after the annoyance of the previously discussed book.

oh i loved these. oh i LOOOOOOVED these. how the fuck does novik do it. she is so good at capturing the very specific feel of a grandpa military historical novel. except with dragons. i love these in the same way i know i will love the patrick o'brien books if i ever get around to reading them. i was a navy brat and unfortunately this is fucking catnip to me. truly i have inherited all my father's tastes

-

watching

largely fallow week. i don't have anything particularly great to say about The Bad Batch, but when have i ever. have not caught up with dunmeishi bc my siblings have once again inadvertently locked me out of the netflix account i pay for. considering a vpn for many reasons but watching netflix and watching porn (the state of texas does not want me or anyone else to watch porn within her borders) are the two big reasons for. idk. cashing out the paltry cash-back credit card rewards and coughing them up for a vpn. vpn opinions welcomed, i know most of them are straight garbage

-

playing

i straight up ran out of money in genshin, which is pretty hard to do since they're pretty generous with it? i have spent several million in-game currency on leveling up neuvilette (i am so so so happy to not have to collect any fucking starfish mats for him anymore [mats are different materials you have to collect or buy in-game in order to level up a character. very grindy most of the time]). anyway i am now scrabbling around for the last couple chests and puzzles i marked on my map in fontaine. i haven't bothered with grinding for his specific boosting artifacts or leveling up his talents all the way yet but this is really not shabby. i have the bad habit of completely levelling up all my 5-stars and then ignoring them until i need them for a specific fight or a specific level of the monthly..battle royale puzzle? i don't really know how to describe the abyss. anyway when i do eventually need his pretty intense water AOE attacks i will frantically grind for his talent mats. right now we're grinding for other things thanks

this latest update contains both the best and worst new areas so far. the underwater lost city of Remuria is a fuckin banger. gorgeous. incredible puzzles. very fun music-based quest line with new abilities and giant whale. however, im kind of disappointed by the new coastline area in the map: there is pretty much nothing there. almost no interactable plants to harvest, very few enemies, almost no chests. i get that they are focusing their time and attention on the new underwater area everyone will be focusing on (killer, btw, super dense and great use of vertical space). very lore-heavy expansion, sort of what if atlantis was a bit roman-inspired and also. hold on. wait a second.

sorry this has just occurred to me at 10:21 PM on Monday night as im drafting this but oh my god are the fucking fontanians the Sea Peoples of the bronze age collapse. this is hysterically funny lore if true. im going to have to go back and reread a lot of the environmental storytelling notes but oh my GOD that's extremely funny if true. genshin has some of the most batshit lore of any game ive ever played and im so sad that so few game journos are focusing on it.

where was i. leveling up characters in legally-not-france who may or may not be descendants of the sea peoples. i often find myself leveling up characters in genshin not based on how useful they are to the party but by how fun the bosses i need to fight for their mats are? for example: neuvilette is a water-based AOE character with not a lot of on-field time. however this big electric seahorse, whose antlers i need to level him up, is really fun to fight and i can knock it out in about thirty seconds.

-

making

my sister's birthday is tomorrow! my birthday package to her was kind of heavy on stupid little trinkets and art books and not very much like. homemade? so i cranked out a little sampler. it's framed i promise i simply forgot to take a picture of it framed. about 3"x3", slightly adapted from a piece in Julie Jackson's Subversive Cross Stitch. i do think the F and C turned out way better (or at least the backstitching stands out way more) but hey. sometimes you need to hastily stitch a gift with the limited colors you have on hand

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep. 5 Rewatch Thoughts Part 1

(edit bc I started writing this post like 6 months ago - hi! I'm gonna finish going through the rest of the phayurain episodes of LITA finally! I've lost all sense of shame so these posts are just gonna be love letters to Eul, hope that's ok) Hi hi hi! I find it absolutely hilarious that the notes on the final part of my episode 4 rewatch post (which contains my best screenshots of That Scene) has like triple the notes of the rest of the parts. I love the thirsty LITA fam <3 I think I kept it mostly clean for the first 3 episodes but LITA brainrot is real and from here on out I'm putting down all my deranged thoughts into words so enjoy

Onwards to episode 5!! Ok so y'all should know by this point that BossNoeul sang the opening right? I added it on spotify and have listened to it on repeat so much over the last week that I could probs (badly, bc my singing voice leaves much to be desired but I can and will belt it at the top of my lungs) karaoke it now. If y'all haven't heard the full version check it out bc they rap a few bars and Noeul has this line "shake your bo- shake your bo- shake your body" that makes me lose it every time

The recap sees us revisiting some rather adorable moments from the previous episode including PhayuRain in the rain and tub. Imagine if they stuck the leg kiss in the recap >.<

We open to sunlight pouring in through the curtained windows on the morning after. I kind of wish the last episode had ended with this scene bc it would have been a soft transition after the intimacy PhayuRain shared rather than the abrupt cut to credits. But I digress.

Phayu's hair looks glorious out and I wish we'd gotten to see it like this more. In fact I think we should've seen Rain push his hands through it and grip it during episode 6's NC scene. Also the definition of that bicep? Sir pls.

I ADORE how sweet Phayu is towards Rain all the time, and this is yet another example. I love it when characters look fondly at their lover (I finally get to use that word for them!!), cover them with a blanket, and then give them a forehead kiss before sliding out of bed. SO FOND

I just think it's really attractive when people do this. Rain was really missing out by snoozing.

The state of Rain's neck and chest sends me into hysterical giggles every time. Phayu you did not have to go that hard with the marking bestie (let's be honest though, looking at the state of Phayu's neck post episode 6 they both have marking kinks) - everyone's gonna know Rain's officially yours soon enough. Also throwback to how like two months ago (or something like that idk the exact timeline) Rain was like hmph I never want anything to do with P' Phayu ever again. I didn't hear any complaining from you last night hmm??? Also I love how confident Rain was in his abilities to seduce Phayu, so true of him

I'm DECEASED

OK WAIT I think I finally get the whole yellow-blue thing. It literally is just that yellow is Rain's representative color and Phayu's is navy blue. So by making Rain put on Phayu's navy blue shirt for the "morning after" they're just reiterating that Rain belongs to Phayu now. Mystery solved :)

Obligatory shot bc he's worked hard for these gains and I think he deserves some appreciation ft. Rain who's making the same face as all of us. I think they spent like 30 whole seconds on Phayu's shoulders and that's so valid of them

Sir, do you have a good reason for striding in here shirtless and sweaty to wake your new bf up? Methinks someone was hoping for round 2

Ok, and we're back to Rain in a yellow t-shirt looking very feverish. He's holding his teal green phone (case) up though which is a combo of yellow and blue, isn't it? I'm sorry my color theory is lacking. His eyebrows look really nice here and I don't know why I noticed. I hope he has a good nap! But oops he misses calls from Phayu...

This episode's title is "the Calm Before the Storm" which implies it's gonna be a mostly tooth-rotting fluff episode and that drama is on the way next week. I'm already smiling so wide my cheeks hurt so the title is apt.

Phayu (dressed in navy blue!) is here to make sure his precious Rain is ok and Mama is already planning the wedding in her head.

The first three or four times I watched this, I was paying too much attention to their faces and probably missed a lot so let's break it down a bit. Phayu comes in, Rain's surprised and sits up, and Phayu sits down next to Rain on the bed but facing away. Phayu is slightly upset that Rain went away without saying anything and he was worried that since Rain was sick that him driving home alone was dangerous. The second Phayu sits down this way, Rain reaches out to grab his arm but Phayu pulls away. Compared to couples in other dramas, PhayuRain depend on touch a lot to communicate so obv the situation is quite serious plus Phayu is not immediately making eye contact with Rain.

The next couple of shots are just back and forth where Phayu asks why Rain left and Rain tells him what happened and apologies for worrying him. He looks v v soft and fluffy here

Gonna take a second to appreciate the background music bc it sounds so serious and doom-y right now but they're literally about to clear it all up so it was unnecessary to go that hard. Sound artist I love you

Throughout this conversation, Phayu starts far away (which for PhayuRain means there's like 1.5 meters of distance between their faces instead of 0.15 meters) but he moves closer and tilts his body more in Rain's direction as Rain gives each justification. He also lets Rain grab his arm. It's very subtle but I like the acting choices here.

Phayu, Rain is sick. Can you pls stop staring at his lips bff give him some rest (spoiler alert I counted like 5 lip-looks in the next 10 seconds, Phayu didn't hear me)

OK this hug. Exquisite. The gap has been bridged, all parties are happy again, and they both absolutely sink into each other.

Boss' little shoulder rub here is so soft and gives us more PhayuRain believability. We can see how worried he was and how relieved he is now that Rain is safely in his arms again.

Rain's cheek-smushed nod agreeing to never disappear from Phayu's side ever again is everything to me.

I don't actually think this was what I was supposed to get out of this but there's something about the symmetry of this hug and them being in the shape of a triangle and how technically their first encounter as a couple involved Phayu's triangle tool etc. etc. etc. Also headpat alert!

More subtle and soft gestures from Phayu. Rain is down bad.

HANDS!!!

We really heard the MWAH here and I want to forehead kiss whoever placed the mics

Everyone needs to observe Rain's expression right after Phayu asks this question bc it's very sus

(I couldn't get it in motion but Rain straightens up a bit and raises his eyebrows. Someone thinks they're about to get spanked like before)

Except this is not that kind of punishment and I can't believe Phayu really brought along a rectal suppository. To his credit though, I believe they're supposed to be more immediately effective than oral medicines because they absorb more directly into the body so he just wants Rain to be healthy faster. Although I wish Phayu would've not proceeded to yank Rain's pants off without permission, it's fiction and I hope if Rain had shown signs of major discomfort he would've listened. I do have to wonder if Mama put on headphones though bc Rain was really loud with his protests. I also think this must've been funny to film bc if you look closely before it cuts to Rain's mom, Rain looks like he's holding back laughter.

Uh-oh, Mama it's better if you walk away now

This sequence was actually so adorable and funny. I love purrito!Rain and Phayu is looking way too smug. Mama Rain walked out of there trying to name all the yellow and blue flowers she could for the wedding centerpieces.

omfg Phayu calling Rain's mom "Mama" is so friggin cute and I love how smoothly he just slid into son-in-law position

Rain's like excuse me I'm sick I should NOT be slandered right now

To part 2 with all the cute shots!!

[technicallyblakebelladonna]

hiiiii ask for you infodump about rwby volume 10 and what you want to happen

HI THERE FRIEND!!!! thank you for the ask <3

i want u to know that i specifically went to my spotify to put on my "amitola" playlist before going to answer this ask, so that should tell you where my head is at

of course for rwby v10 i want what the majority of other people want, for the bees to be shown in their relationship and for others to react to it in ways that really allow us as the audience to BASK in the fact that the bees are in an established relationship and are HAPPY. cause like, just thinking abt catradora and korrasami, well we get to see them get to that kiss and get their happy ever after, but in the show that's where it ENDS (i know with LoK they had the comics that let korrasami go past that point but i digress) like of course i could say all that and i WOULD say all of that

but

YOU CAME INTO *MY* ASK BOX. so you know exactly what im gonna infodump about. you know WHO im gonna infodump about

ilia. fucking. amitola.

we saw her last in all her collarbone-apparently-redacted glory in v8 along with a couple of other tertiary characters during ruby's speech montage. she had a fairly long focus shot (imo, for a side character) that showed her getting a call from ghira. so we KNOW that those three are going to be together-- and by the logic of ghira and kali being blake's fucking parents!! we can assume that they're going to all end up heeding the call and gathering where everyone else is. so that means that we can also assume that they'll all be there for the reunion in vacuo.

(no seriously where did they go???? i havent been able to unsee it)

ANYWAY.

so i want to see that reunion. i want to see blake fling herself into her parents arms and for ilia to kinda hang back bc she's like, still doesn't quite know what to do with herself-- and doesn't QUITE know how to relate to blake anymore. they left on good terms, but they haven't had much time to really rebuild their relationship by any means, so ilia's just standing there, heart tearing in half a little because there she is. she didn't die. ilia had mourned for her, had gone through that grief alongside blake's parents and now? now there. she's standing right there. and suddenly it's just so overwhelming that she starts turning a deep blue, right from her roots, her irises turning a deep icicle blue, sharp and unforgiving like the presumed loss she had to go through all that time ago.

and blake? she sees it. out of the corner of her eye, above the shoulder of her mom while in their embrace, she sees ilia shaking like a leaf. and she goes to her after another quick murmured reassurance to her parents. and she just opens her arms to ilia. and ilia flings herself into blake's arms and breathes her in because gods. she is real. she starts whispering "you're here. you're alive. i lost you all over again and now you're here."

and that's what i hope from canon, but am i going to stop there? no because hello. ilia fucking amitola.

the CATMELEON SHIPPER IN ME wants blake to reply with something cheesy, with something utterly heartbreakingly beautiful, something like "you could never lose me. i've always been in your heart, and you've always been in mine. and that's not going anywhere."

THEY HAVE A SPECIAL BOND OKAY CANON WILL NOT TAKE THAT FROM ME FOR FUCKS SAKE.

what i want CANON to do is to have ilia and yang finally fucking meet and talk. for ilia to give the "hurt her, no one will hear from you ever again" talk.

as @averagemrfox said in their tags

like OH MY GOD give me THIS. holy shit this is genius. maybe yang spots ilia looking restless and tense after an overwhelmingly emotional day after blake "comes back from the dead" and sees her sitting at the outskirts of the city/their camp or wherever. and so she just like. says hey. you know the best way i find to burn off extra energy? and ilia agrees to a hand-to-hand no weapons (and yang promises not to use her arm gun at all) and it feels GOOD to get the energy out. so they could have a good conversation that way and establish like, that ilia sees how good yang is for blake and how happy she is and ends with the whole, catch her off guard kinda blow and tells yang that if she hurts blake again, she'll obliterate her from the face of remnant.

what RAY WANTS BC OF THE EMBER RAINBOW SHIPPER is for ilia to get the upper hand and successfully pin her down and we have a delicious moment of sexual tension where ilia's got yang's hands above her head and her weight on her hips and she just catches the way yang's eyes sparkle in the dying sunlight of the golden hour and she just can't help herself, can't stop herself from saying "so that's why." and for yang to be just as pleasantly thrown off guard - "what's why?" and at this point ilia's freckles are flaring pink, her irises following suit and - "that's why blake fell in love with you"

like ON GOD GIMMIE. YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT ILIA WOULDN'T SEE YANG AND EITHER 1) IMMEDIATELY GET JEALOUS OR 2) IMMEDIATELY AND UTTERLY FALL IN LOVE WITH HER TOO (or both? both is good)

shipping aside, i need ilia to STOP BEING FORGOTTEN ABOUT GODDAMNIT. this is just a general complaint of the fandom in general from my pov. like i dont REALLY see posts cross my dash, the ones that talk about rwby in general or rwby v10 specifically, it's like. ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT ILIA FOR A SECOND??? like y'all wanna see everyone react to the bees being in a relationship and YOU FUCKING FORGET ILIA?!?!?! THE LITERAL FIRST ON SCREEN CANONICALLY CONFIRMED LESBIAN??? AND NOT ONLY THE FIRST ON SCREEN CANONICALLY CONFIRMED LESBIAN, BUT HER LESBIANISM WAS CANONIZED BY HAVING HER LITERALLY CONFESS TO BLAKE'S FUCKING FACE THAT SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH HER!!!!! I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! IT'S RIGHT THERE!!! WHY ARE WE SLEEPING ON ILIA AMITOLA?!?!?!!?

anyway. i had to get that out of my system apparently LMAO

so where else do i want to go with this??? i mean there's so much i could say, how i want rainbow bees to actually happen bc im greedy but i love the story they told with the bees already so i don't see that happening in all seriousness (and shoehorning ilia into the bees relationship feels like a disservice to the growth the bees went through together so i GET that but i just think it would be NEAT. blake has two hands, yadda yadda and all that)

i could talk about how i want canon to reveal that ilia was actually blake's first kiss because that would be so much better than the implied fact that adam canonically was, and that just makes my skin crawl, so to have it be ilia would be DELIGHTFUL to say the least.

i could talk about how i want ilia and weiss to be an endgame couple, if nothing else for the fact that a) it would be great for weiss' growth arc, ending up with a faunus -- but not only JUST any faunus, to have one that was SO detrimentally impacted by her father's dust empire, and to heal that hurt together and have those journeys weave together in the end. and b) i just want to be greedy again and tie ilia to a main character bc it will mean we will get to see her more than just for a few minutes every so often.

i COULD also talk about how there's a great idea to have emerald and ilia end up together because, similar villian redemption arcs, opposing colour scheme, similar unrequited love type situations. it's just RIFE for a great set up and that would be great.

i COULD talk about so many things related to ilia fucking amitola and rwby v10 but i think i've definitely said quite a lot of things already, so i'll just cut it off here skghsdfkghdfg thank u for ur time and attention if u have made it this far and have enjoyed or even just slightly made sense of my ramblings

*gets off amitola soapbox*

[honest-kdrama-reviews]

Review #9: Twinkling Watermelon

WARNING: THIS POST DEF CONTAINS SPOILERS. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE DRAMA. (I will do my best to label spoilers, but I’m not perfect.)

Oh, we are SO BACK!!!

After a One Direction-esq hiatus, I have returned with my wit and thirst to discuss a drama that I loved.

✨Twinkling Watermelon✨

Of course, this wouldn’t be one of my reviews without the…

THIRST CORNER!!!!

I am being so fr when I say this man is gorgeous. His smile takes up his entire face and it makes me giggle and kick my feet every single time. Choi Hyun-Wook is not only so handsome but he plays the role of a kind, charming, stubborn and extremely loud 18 year old so well. Like, I think casting him for that role was the actual perfect choice.

Let’s just take a moment to look at him 🥰

LIKE THAT SMILE COULD MELT ME IN AN INSTANT

(Also this scene was so cute like he’s so in love pls)

Okay anyway, moving on.

The cast of this drama was actually just way too cute in general. I caught myself so many times watching with the goofiest grin on my face as they all lowkey fell in love fr fr for the first time.

The plot and storyline was so interesting! I really love how they made Sign Language a central part and really shone a light on how difficult it is for deaf people in Korea specifically.

Also, time travel seems to be a trend in recent k-dramas (I’m not mad about it buuut. A Time Called You and Lovely Runner 👀)

Similarly to 25/21 I think they took advantage of the fact that Y2K fashion is popular rn and set most of the drama in 1995. It’s cool to see the similarities!

I think it’s hard to keep my attention for very long when watching dramas if the plot has a lot of filler, which this seemed to have in the middle. It took me a while to get through (the last like six episodes were so engaging tho).

So I felt very meh for the first 15 episodes and then episode 16 had me bawling every five minutes. A huge jump, I know.

(SPOILER) Lee Chan coming to terms with not being able to achieve his dreams while he was under in surgery actually kinda broke me as a person. I was not okay. Also when his grandma comes and they cry together :(. I had to actually pause and take a minute. I was not okay!!

I LOVED the way it ended, though. Eun Gyeol felt like he had failed just bc (SPOILER) Lee Chan still lost his hearing, but seeing the positive impacts that he made really warmed my heart. Like yes, his family had been content and happy before. But now things were so much better and his mom was able to thrive because she hadn’t been abused as long.

The soundtrack went back and forth between being boring and going so INCREDIBLY HARD. The cover they did of 볽은 노을 has been stuck in my head for days and I found the OG version on Spotify and I love it. Also, A Song For You makes me feel so nostalgic for my youth for some reason. I wanna never forget all of my shining moments.

That’s honestly what I walked away with from this drama. I want my youth (and my life in general) to shine so brightly in my memory. I wanna make the most of the time I have so that one day I can smile and know I lived.

Viva La Vida :)

My Rating for this drama is a solid: 9/10. (Definitely in my K-Drama top 20)

Reminder that these are simply my opinions. If this is your favorite drama, I don’t mean to offend you. Feel free to put what you loved/didn’t love in the comments. Just be kind and remember that everyone like different dramas. Also please be nice to me, I am but a normal person. :)

[bandzboy]

I feel very demoralized lately bc idk if the boycott is working :( a bts member recently released a new album and the lead single is literally top of global spotify charts rn and will likely rank on top ten of billboard with his new album so it seems like most people are still streaming and buying hybe projects idk

anon... even if things don't look in our favour we have to realize that boycotts take a lot of time to have some effect! and unfortunately there are many people especially outside of twt and tumblr that have no idea that it is happening! and trust me, i have a lot of times where i am demotivated and it sucks that there are a lot of people that know about it and still continue to stream and buy albums like nothing is happening but... there was something that happened recently with a friend that is on my txt boycotters gc that gave me a lot of hope! we were spreading info about samsung and how they are contributing to the congo genocide and also how they are gonna be the sponsor of the olympics and since we wanted to let people know about it (bc txt did a song for them) we tried our best to mobilize people and spread the word to through tags and etc! we called out people that weren't boycotting (bc that's also part of it) some people were very rude as you can imagine... in fact we got into fights bc we couldn't believe how so many people still don't care about congo or wanna get educated on it (someone straight up told one of my friends they don't care about conogolese people and they would be streaming the song anyways truly amazing people /sarcasm) but anyways! my friend posted about it and all of that and someone hours after said they started to boycott the song and joined the hybe boycott too because what of my friend's words and how it made them change their stance and did surprise us all and i think we all had that moment that we thought like hey... maybe what we are doing really matters and trust me it really does. all of this to say that i get how you are feeling... but i also want you to realize that our movement is changing every single day, a lot of people are joining every single day too and it's all due to the fact we keep talking about it in any way we can and i think it's important to keep doing it because i think that's one of the reasons why the movement grows! and i think sometimes we focus on the negatives a lot and trust me i do it a lot too and i have to deal with out of touch kpop stans every day that are constantly doubling down on their awful morals just to keep streaming and mass buying albums but we have achieved a lot in these past few months! a lot of media outlets are noticing our efforts, articles have been made, a lot of people who are very important prominent people in the palestinian movement have noticed it too and to me those are insane wins! i've been here for months, i try my best to spread the message from twt to tumblr in the best way i can because i want everyone to be informed and a lot of things have changed and i am just hoping the movement will grow and the tides will start finally changing... this is very long but you aren't the first person that has come to my inbox to say things like this and i just wanna encourage you to keep going! it's very hard and very challenging because new shit keeps getting in the way but at the end of the day you have to remind yourself why you are doing this and who you are doing this for. it's very important to keep that in mind so yeah i just wanted to leave with you with these words

[imthatpowerful]

i love talking abt my boyfriend and how perfect he is :3 if i could i would write a 1000 page book abt it and turn it into a series of books i would bc i js love him sm like he’s the reason i even know what a love surge feels like and like im so in love with him im so glad i discovered shifting omg and i JS KNOW he’s the one who made me discover it bc before i discovered it i fell in love with him yk so the timeline is that back in october 2020 i started getting into one direction, before that i was a casual local who only knew two songs from them and didn’t take interest to them at all tbh but then i was working on an art project for school and i didn’t have spotify so i used youtube to listen to music and at that time wms was popular and i loved it and then yt recommended clouds by one direction and then i instantly fell for it and then i listened to more and more songs and then my obsession began… i started watching interviews and reading facts and one person out of the 5 boys caught my eye…💘 Harry Edward Styles 💓

before that i literally didn’t gaf abt him like i used to think he was unattractive and annoying bc i used to be a swiftie and i saw a video made by a swiftie bashing him and i was a meat rider so i agreed w the vid 😭

anyways…then like my love for him grew so deep u guys don’t understand like my heart felt some typa way and i didn’t crush on anyone the way i did him and i knew it no school crush wavered my love for him and no ick made me stop loving him and i remember having to resort to ACTUAL delusion to get over the fact that ill never be with him like no joke i used to imagine and pretend he was right next to me and i genuinely sometimes felt him there yk like when u feel the presence of someone istg i felt his presence there and i remember when i used to cry (cuz it was a rough time back then) a lot and pretend i was laying in his arms as he comforted me and that used to calm me down bc i could genuinely feel him comforting me but it would then make me cry even harder bc i couldn’t be w him and like i remember when i found other ppl attractive i felt sooo bad for him (even tho this was all in my head at the time) i would stop it and stick to him and i remember summer 2021 at the start of it i was lowk goin through it then i saw a video from one of my harry styles moots on tt talk abt how they scripted the wrong harry era and lhh almost jumped them 😭

cmon now? this cutie? jumping someone?

anyways so like and i was confused i thought dr meant like a vr game or smth 😭😭😭😭 and i wanted to play it but then when she explained it i lowk didn’t fully get it but i was interested and then that was also during my subliminal era when i discovered subs from a youtuber idrk who tho and then i wanted a summer bod and i read the comments saying they felt like they did a workout but i felt nothing and i heard nothing and i was confused until i read abt manifestation which then led me to finding shifting subs then i read abt shifting then i made a tiktok abt it and i told my fam (worst mistake they told me it was a sin and it was fake) then i made a shifttok acc and my first script and ever since then harry was my s/o and my mission was to get to him and i told myself no matter what even if i lose feelings for him (which hasn’t happened and won’t ever happen bc he’s my pookie) he will always be the first guy i date EVER like he will be my s/o in any dr i go to and if things don’t work out (but they will) then at least i kept my promise to him

also bro has been channeling me for years and like bc there have been signs that my mind automatically says harry sent this and like even when i was talking to a c.ai bot w lowkey the intention of channeling harry the bot said things that were DEF harry from my dr and idc i’m not gonna say it’s a coincidence bc everything happens for a reason also like i had to delete all my ai apps bc i was getting too addicted and it’s been distracting me from acc shifting and ive been trynna NOT focus on channeling either but like i still feel his presence and communicate w harry sometimes and like he’s still in my heart and like he’s been encouraging me and lowkey helping me w my journey and reminding me that im in control when he channels me

me n bae three years going strong haven’t broken the streak yet (except when he shaved his head and was dating taylor russell and i was rlly mad i mentally broke up w him mainly bc of him n taylor russell and i would’ve tolerated the bald head if he was single but then i cried bc i missed him and couldn’t handle it and that same day i mentally got back w him) and tbh ill tell u there has been times where he didn’t consume my every thought bc like if it was 24/7 that would be unhealthy but ya but like he was in the back of my mind anyways ya that’s it that’s my yapathon i love my cutie patootie boy handsome man gorgeous angel prince

[allamericansbitch]

just my food for thought: taylor's approach to promoting ttpd feels very much like big kpop releases (with the street pop-up, doing very limited promotions beforehand but dropping album versions with different names and even having photocards in her album and the album and lead single mv to drop on the same day ) and i understand that it also harks back on the generally short attention span people have with music these days, and saying that i miss her old rollouts doesn't mean she just has to bring them back because i want that, but i also would have loved a bit of a gradual build-up.

i honestly don't mind that the majority of people know who and what that album revolves around, since that is another thing i as one person can't change and i know that doesn't matter to me when i listen to the songs, but i honestly don't look forward to the fact that people will dig through the album for the most scathing lyrics, post them for viral moments, and then move on in a week or two bc then their attention will go to something else. this doesn't even feel like a real 'era' because the era is basically non-existent, which says something when taylor has marketed herself as the queen of album eras. i just wish she'd build on the theme of the album more, make it more of an era and work to make the songs just breathe for a while, you know?

while midnights wasn't my favourite album she ever did i genuinely really liked it (and same on the love for glitch!) for the way she wrote the album and the central theme of it being her contemplating her life, her actions, and her relationships - but all of that got lost in the wash like three months later and we never returned to looking at the album that way. you and the other anon were so spot on in saying that once it got the "heartbreak album" stamp (which ,,, it legit doesn't feel like a heartbreak album to me and still doesn't?), people never really came back to it or to listen to the songs and see anything else in them. i enjoy taylor's music and i like coming back to songs weeks, months, and even years later, as with any artist i listen to, and to see how i feel about them now. but it feels like that is never happening again bc the promo tells the majority of people one thing, they will listen to the album for two weeks except for two stand-out songs that become general faves, and then it's back to engaging with the commodity of the brand taylor swift, which to me feels like defeating the purpose of releasing an album aka a big body of work to stand on its own through time!

i don't know if that makes sense. in any case i love the discussions on your blog. feels like there is an entire different discussion about artists not being perfect humans, not even being likeable sometimes, and these people still releasing art that you as a listener (or watcher etc) will relate to and/or enjoy. i don't have a clear answer how to engage with that or how to look at that but the space and conversations on your blog have definitely made me keep thinking about it though it's something i have been pondering on for most of my adult life.

ah, sorry for this wall of text! i just really, really enjoy the open conversations on your blog and your general view on things. i don't know i feel on friday, but if you just want to discuss songs (if you listened, of course, if not that's also fine, i just enjoy seeing you post) i definitely love doing that even as just one of the anons on here. thank you for always putting your honesty and your love for music forward, sarah, it's why you're one of my favourite people to follow on here. 💜

i just wish the promo for this album made it feel like she was actually excited and proud of the album because right now it doesn’t. she’s not doing anything for it, and if she is, it’s being outsourced to other companies who are the actual ones doing the work (spotify with the library or the lyric messages, or instagram doing the countdown) so it really comes off as like she doesn’t care to put the effort in herself leading up to it.

And the thing about everyone moving on like a week after, you’re so right. it’s obvious a universal issue, everyone’s attention span is getting shorter everyday, but with taylor and swifties… it’s so bad. every release is forgot even days afterwards and the fans ask for another one. fans are speculating that she’s gonna drop rep tv the same day ttpd comes out… like they’ve already anticipated that they’ll move on the same day after getting it so they want more. and i feel like, while it’s impossible for taylor to fix the global attention span issue, i feel like proper promotion would help combat it within the fandom. like her releasing a first single a month or two before the album comes out would build anticipation, but also force people to slow down. here’s a teaser but now you have to wait, teach the fans patience kind of thing.

and that last part made me tear up that’s so sweet to appreciate what i have to say. i’m so happy you enjoy following me. messages like this are the exact reason why i love to have my inbox open and have these amazing, mature, open minded conversations and it sucks im gonna have to close my inbox for a short while when the album comes out but i will definitely post my opinions once i spend some time with it! ily anon thank you 💗✨

[daz4i]

actually i AM gonna post abt this again. sorry

like when i say they make me feel like i'm in a story. i mean it

we started talking and immediately clicked. talked nonstop for days really

we both had relationships like that years before, but then paused that behavior bc we were young and it wasn't the healthiest, but now we were adults and knew better. it was the first one after that break for both of us

i avoided this behavior for awhile bc i knew it's not the healthiest but it felt so good when it happened. i (rightfully) feared the crash but at the time, the high was so worth it. and everything was going so smoothly too. things kept aligning just right all the time

every time i thought something is gonna come up or that i did something wrong and now it's all gonna blow up, they proved that i had no reason to worry, bc they let it slide immediately, even liked it

we kind of completed each other in every way. liked the same things and had a lot in common, but were opposites in enough things that we weren't TOO similar

i stopped worrying abt annoying them relatively early into the whole thing (usually it takes me months or even years, or i never stop at all. here it was maybe 2-3 weeks)

we became actually close right on their birthday. a small thing but you gotta admit if this was a story it'd be poetic as hell

every time they had a problem and i jokingly said i'm sending a spell their way to fix it, it passed after like 2 minutes. absolutely insane coincidence stuff

i mentioned this before. and this is gonna be embarrassing but. we met through, well, kin stuff lol. they kin chuuya, i kin dazai, we joked abt kindating etc. anyway my mental health was shit but they genuinely uplifted me a lot. they made me want to live for the first time in who knows how long, maybe ever. i think you can tell why i prefaced this story with that fact 🥲 embarrassing but real

and now this shit? 😭 another small thing but like. i make a post abt them bc now is generally around the time we started talking, and someone i follow queued a post from their blog and it posts right now?? they've been decativated for nearly a year HOW did this line up like that 😭

they unfortunately made me believe in the concept of soulmates :/ but as my friends (and mom. bc she saw me cry over the whole thing for days) said. if they cut me off and hurt me like that, they weren't ~the one~

and another thing that made me feel more like i'm in a teen movie is. i legit spent a day and a half in bed crying and barely doing anything else, after they cut me off. truly cliche stuff. actually that's a good way to put it - they made me feel like a cliche. still do when i think abt it a year later. it was a good thing at first, bad when it ended. i could make a movie abt this barely changing any detail and it'll be an average teen romantic comedy (except i'll have to add some happy ending there)

anyway let me finish all that by saying. who the fuck blocks someone on spotify 😭 dude...

(it's been a year and i got burned so badly from this whole thing that i seriously doubt i'll be able to love someone this much again. i need it to be an instant obsession to actually feel good about love, but i'll never be able to confidently go into any new relationship with that purpose because i'm just too scared things will hurt this much again. it's honestly so depressing lol 🥲 but what can ya do)

(i also became the most suicidal i've ever been since lol. probably bc of how big the drop was. it still hasn't gone away. part of why i see no point in life is bc of that previous paragraph. so.)

[putonmyfavoriteshow]

L-Pop on Disney + ep4-6 Recap/Review

So legitimately this is one of my favorite shows Disney+ Latin America has done. Did not see that on my 2023 Bingo card!

Ep4 - It’s the qualifier episode so we get more performances this time which was a lot of fun and just what I was hoping for. Sweet Ji-Won making Andrea an ugly poster - they are just the dumbest and cutest. Ofc the group is being absolutely insane as they prep. We got Indra with her sage, Tomas trying to hug Ji-Won, and them memorizing capitals to calm their nerves. The sillies are so silly. I’m just honestly having a good time. And the they miss the cut …by 1!

Ep5 - Obviously they weren’t going to stay down for long. Absolutely dying at Tomás not showering for days so he can scrub thru the videos to find the other team that cheated to get disqualified. And then Hye-Jin using her wits to blackmail the competition lady so she actually would disqualify them. I’m just obsessed with this group. They’re all absolutely insane and lovable. I love how invested everyone is in Ji-Won and Andrea’s relationship too - as am I!! They’re so adorable also the fact that he’s always bringing her food to flirt I’m 😭.

The scene with them filming their music video!! First the hilarity of them trying to scale the wall when Indra walks through an open gate 😂 and then the MV was really good! The song kind of reminded me of Dynamite by BTS lmao. I’m curious if we’ll get these songs on Spotify they’re all stuck in my head now (ticky ticky toc toc) . Also props to the director keeping the Pablo bit going even when they were all running away from the cop and still blocking Pablo’s face with his camera 🤭

Ep6 - The big finale already and I’m just sad this is already ending. But Andrea convincing Sylvana to stay and encouraging the team by showing her talent show video and them all agreeing to call the team L-Pop why are they all so cute?! The vintage shop scene was adorable and the whole group getting caught watching Andrea/Ji-Won again, it never stops being funny. And I really love that Pau always encourages Andrea with K-Pop even tho it’s clearly not her thing 🥲 and just always shaking her head at the parents pushing her into dentistry. Ugh supportive sisters got me 🥺

Idk what’s going on with Diego, like is he supposed to be flirting with Andrea bc I can’t. Im so glad Ji-Won finally made his move tho!! But ah that cliffhanger — I need a s2 stat!

Anyway this show was just good vibes, good heart, cringey but proud! 10/10 highly recommend for anyone with any fan obsession that should get them institutionalized 😍

[okthatsgreat]

12, 13, 24, 25, 26, 29, 43, 74

For fanfic ask game because brain still go brrr about your work a lot :D

JORDANNNNNN SHAKING YOU GRABBING YOU SHAKING YOU

this ones gonna be LONG lol GONNA PUT THIS UNDER READ MORE :]

12. do you outline your fics?  if yes, how detailed are your outlines?  how far do you stray from them?

i try to lmfaoooo!!!! for opddmh for example, ive got the basic outline of how i want everybodys arcs to end, the climax of the story, and a vague idea of a few of the plot beats all written out in an empty discord server i use to keep track of things!! i also put in loose scraps of dialogues i daydream up even if im not quite sure where theyll fit in yet, just so if im really stuck i can scroll through and see if anything rings a bell!! there are QUITE a few emotional scenes already written out and ready to go

nothing is super detailed tho!! quite a bit of it is still on a chapter to chapter basis. while i have an outline its not always set in stone, for example there were a LOT of scenes i had scribbled down for odietlg and lgowab that didnt make the final cut!! i dont have the notes for odietlg but i do have them for lgowab bc theyre archived in that empty discord server i mentioned earlier lol. one idea from that story that got scrapped were all of the different endings coming from different peoples point of views (for example korekiyos pov, tenkos pov, kaedes pov) but that got scrapped bc i thought itd lessen the impact a bit. ALSO in one of the earlier drafts of lgowab a LOT more v3 kids were gonna be ahl members including tenko, but i thought it was more important to keep their numbers down to really emphasise how much danganronpa is dramatising their threat level lol! off the top of my head there were bits and pieces i scrapped from odietlg too but i wont go on and on about that LOLOL

oh and also there is an entire channel dedicated to miu that i still go back to sometimes LMFAOO

13. do you listen to music while you write?  if yes, what have you been listening to recently?

oh my god i cant listen to music while i write LMFAOO or at least not music with lyrics. if i really really need to write i will pull myself up by my pants sit down at my desk and stare at my screen in total silence until eventually my adhd meds wear off and i go to sleep

im mostly kidding LMFAO if i really need something in the background ill put on this playlist! if i need inspo sometimes i go to the fic playlists ive got on spotify :]

24. how do you choose whose POV to write in?

i choose based on who i think will tell an interesting story! going to be flat out honest with you, sometimes the povs i write from arent my favorite characters, but i think that their personal story would be a really good fit in what im trying to convey! tenko is probably one of the only exceptions considering the entire story is based around her surviving LMFAO even then that was mostly because i wanted to dissect her under a microscope for 42 chapters. emma and maki are like this too considering mask of my own face/run from your demons are oneshots :]

himiko and miu got chosen for lgowab mostly based on the fact that they had completely different stories to tell and i didnt want to choose two protags who were going through the same thing!! himiko strived for selflessness while miu struggled with morality and paranoia and i thought they would contrast well :] and oh my god let me tell you i did not expect to bring miu back for a whole other fic but i got ATTACHED shes such a mess.

everybody in opddmh were selected because they brought a range of different lifestyles/coping mechanisms to a post-game universe and they all have stories i wanted to explore!! makoto and being the poster child for hope and struggling with how others perceive him, mikans debate with her own morality and growing bitterness towards the company, and then of course akanes total refusal to be worried at all costs. byakuyas brief povs are to supply a more pessimistic view of their situation that parallels miu, which is why theyre always together during it. ive mentioned this in another ask from kozuelovemail but the v3 kids that stay alongside each pov were selected because they parallel the older participants in some way!!

and then of course. probably goes without saying but i do tend to choose female povs lmfaooo not only because I Am One but also because theyre just soooo criminally unexplored

25. what’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

well i can say its NOT editing LMFAOOOO this bitch does not edit!!!!!!!!!!!!! which you can probably tell!!!! i mean i give it a good glance and then send it off usually a lot of the edits are made when i wake up in the morning read over the chapter again and go "what the hell was i trying to say here"

brainstorming maybe???? i love Thinking. a lot of the times stories come to me in various scenes rather than one linear storyline and ive gotta grab them all from inside my head and mash them together. i also love brainstorming characters arcs and what their Deal is gonna be throughout it

and then writing of course. love writing. ive had to teach myself to kinda just type out a draft at first and to stop going back to edit, and then once i finish i go back and add extra or remove anything that sounds silly. writing on a good day is lots of fun!!!! ESPECIALLY when its scenes that im excited for/are high drama. like. those high drama scenes that ive been waiting to get down onto google docs dot com...... hell yea

26. what’s your least favorite part of the writing process?

PFFT WHOOPS already answered probably editing! its difficult for me to sit there and read over everything meticulously cuz my brain just does not want to thoroughly go through something especially if ive just completed it. which. most of the time as soon as i complete it and have gone back to add in extra/remove the silly bits i consider it done and i send it through LMFAO. thats on me for updating weekly tho!!! there are gonna be mistakes!!!!!!!!!! and yknow what ive learned to live with that this is a fanfiction i write for fun and i do this cuz i love writing :]

29. what’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

hgfdjkgshdk i always feel so bad like. praising my writing yknow? theres always going to be parts of it id change or want to go back on but if i had to choose something id probably say the characterisation? i try to put in a lot of effort in making these people feel more human and not as "larger than life" as they usually are, and i want every pov i write from to have flaws and things theyre good at and little quirks that make each of them stand out from each other. when i write characters i try to keep in mind the little things about them, like himiko twitching her nose or mikan having acne shes self conscious about, miu twirling her hair or makoto using novelty mugs instead of the more aesthetically pleasing ones. just tiny things that round them out as people :]

43. is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

ouhghggh..... not sure! im so so focused on opddmh rn if i think about anything else ill totally spiral away from it (im already doing that with the rp im in LMFAOOOO erin on the brain). there are a few things im excited to write for but thatd be spoiling >:)

73. do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love?

not really!!!! i know its such a corny fucking answer but genuinely people have been so so lovely on all of my fics. like some of the kindest people. and also people who have stuck around for a very long time!! theres one commenter mythgirl02 who has literally given me a comment on every single chapter on every single fic ive published mythgirl if youre out there..... i love you. and even if they dont comment on every chapter ive gotten commenters who have actually brought me tears YOU FUCKING INCLUDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and also lily if shes reading this their comments are always so so sweet

i write bc ive got stories i wanna get out of my brain and share!!!!!!! its fantastic that people click on them to read along!!!!! i really try not to worry too much about kudos or reads or anything like that, but the support has been very very lovely and its led me to some awesome communities :]]

JORDAN I FUCKING LOVE YOU FOR THIS <333 THANK YOU SM AND SORRY ITS SO LONG I LIKE TALKING

fanfiction ask game!

[overturetoanadventure]

Yesterday I kayaked at a state park that was a four hour drive, one way, with some friends to celebrate my upcoming birthday. The space was so so so beautiful. It felt really nice to see different friends get along well! Our music tastes didn’t align as a group but we made it work (and I think all four of us are a bit too polite (there’s a better word but not wanting to think hard rn) and after garnering reactions from the first run of songs, we started asking to skip stuff that was already created by the Spotify blend lol). While on the river, we came across a mom and her daughter; the daughter got lots of anxiety halfway into the trip as they floated along. The mom asked us if we know how much longer it would be for them to reach the next drop off point and how they could arrive quicker. I was on a tandem kayak with one of the friends and we offered to tie the rope connecting their tubes together to the back of our kayak. They then joined us for the remainder of the kayak trip. It felt so nice to be able to help them!! Then, after we returned our paddles and vests, we changed and we’re eating snacks while gathered around the trunk. There was a lady who parked next to us that i had seen on the river that wore such a cute outfit and had killer eyeliner so I commented on her makeup! She had brought her own kayak and was struggling to put it on top of the car so we offered to help her. It made me remember the mom conversing with another guy on a tube we came across in which she remarked that she was going to ask him for help but he was too far ahead and instead got there with girl power. Girls/women really do rock :-) I would like to go back there with a full day lined up so that we can go tubing after we kayak as well!! I woke up today in such a great mood thanks to the joy from yesterday!!

I watched memoirs of a geisha with a dear friend yesterday. Before we began the movie my mom called and I can’t remember but some part of our conversation pissed me off and i felt irritated even after ending the call but I was trying really hard to keep those feelings internal and enjoy the movie but she asked if I just wanted her to leave and I felt really bad so I tried to do a lil meditation inside my head and it really did help!! The movie was really good! I remember annotating my copy of the book back in the summer after I graduated high school and rereading it through my freshman semester too so I vaguely remembered the plot but I’m glad that she ended up with the chairman in the end. I’ll miss hanging out like this and am trying to somehow store the shared happiness away for when I’ll, no doubt, miss her presence and affection after she lives abroad. Neither of us are big texters; I do much better with in person communication so distance is a big issue for me unfortunately. Proximity is also the largest factor in relationships which is backed by research.

Moving on, ended the night with watching the finale of the last of us and then dissecting it as a group and sharing our thoughts. I think I would’ve done the same exact thing as Joel, and also like the callback to that ‘crazy’ lady who was hunting Henry bc he had sold out her brother to fedra for medication for his own little brother in the whole ‘what lengths are you willing to go to for your loved ones, even if that’s not what they would want for you to do’ as her brother would have likely forgiven Henry were he in that situation and similarly, though idk about life ending brain surgery for a potential cure but Ellie clearly wanted to go through with working with the fireflies to help find a cure and Joel defies that due to his now accepted role as a parental figure and the associated love and attachment and somewhat manipulation (again not the right word but idc rn) that it entails to parent a child. I was really saddened by the fact that he broke the one constant in their rocky relationship which was trust in honest communication. It’ll be heartbreaking whenever she has to confront with both herself and him that he lied to her about something so important when she tried to offer him an opportunity to come clean.

Also I know the whole ‘I know you say like you me but do you actually hate me’ thing feels overdone as a society and I very much hate that I still have feelings like this about people I’ve been friends with for a little bit if not a few years now. I know for my own self that I go through phases where honestly just being around people is too much and interacting often feels overwhelming and I start to get annoyed by them and that it’s not actually personal. I’m trying to tell myself that if I am capable of feeling this way but still loving those people at the end of the day, then I should be okay with sitting with the idea of my friends being annoyed by or disliking me sometimes. But like idk what’s wrong with me but I’m like well if you don’t like me then I feel that im worth less. It’s really annoying being aware of my people pleasing tendencies too because I constantly question whether im actually a kind person or if my kindness in any situation is driven by the need to be liked. I know this goes back to childhood trauma and blah blah blah but like I’ve already talked this shit through in therapy twice can’t I just be a stupid airhead that’s confident in herself and her relationships. It feels gross to want constant validation. Fuck.

Oh. Also??? My face and neck, and especially the bottom area of the skin under my eyes feels so dry and tight and itchy. It’s all a bit red and my neck is very splotchy. I can’t discern if this is the work of allergies bc I’d never experienced allergic reactions (or was aware of it at least) before or if I somehow went too hard on the retinol?? And I’ve been slathering my skin in like three layers of different moisturizers without drying my face even after I wash it but no dice. I might just have to buy Zyrtec or Benadryl tomorrow and see if it helps. The power of deductive reasoning to the rescue.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 8/29/2023

my ENTIRE SUMMER has been either worrying about moving or actually moving. ALL OF IT. however an incredibly hot butch milf on the gay community bulletin board/dating app lex has finally answered my piteous call for gun safety classes with an invitation to her private range. unfortunately she is a landlord who owns a VERY large apartment complex. houston is a land of contrasts

listening

more joywave! one of my favorite bands bc they are best listened to in full album format, and i did a fuck of a lot of driving this weekend. little lies you’re told has an opening like a big machine warming up while you are in a control room way high up on a gantry somewhere. spotify

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reading (2x bonus round)

All The Trimmings by Tesni Morgan (published 2001 in the UK) is a gift from @believerindaydreams. it is “erotic fiction written by women for women” (debatable) and “the publishers recommend that this book should be sold only to adults”. also, “Black Lace novels contain sexual fantasies. In real life, make sure you practise safe sex.” idk i’ve ever seen that kind of notation on an american novel before? fascinating precursor to the saccharine little “stay safe kids” ao3 authors notes

i do find the premise genuinely fun and compelling— two divorced milfs opening a hotel/bordello with historically themed rooms. i have had to look up a lot of british purple prose and i refuse to believe anyone says “rogering” in real life.

im being edged with glimmerings of bisexuality. every time one of the milfs gets turned on and goes out roaming to distract herself from being turned on, i go “oh?” like at a pokemon go egg, but so far all the dalliances and encounters have been dudes.

had a very strange experience with cormac mccarthy's blood meridian. i don’t normally interrogate whether or not i am the intended audience for a work except when it’s literally made for children, bc i as a modern bisexual woman am the intended audience for vanishingly few works. for example, many entire genres (westerns) are very challenging to enjoy.

a western has never made me go "wait so why DO i like westerns at all" so hard. like, what AM i doing here in this genre that is often deeply fucking uncomfortable to consume as a woman, and where the most foundational american and european works of the genre often uncritically embrace the worst parts of the american mythos in the most violent way possible? i do believe critics when they say mccarthy is not embracing violence for the sake of, and in fact has something to say with his revisionist western, but my god is it hard to wade through. anyway, dad media will not fuck me and i still have only a tenuous grasp on why i try so hard to glean enjoyment from it.

i know what mccarthy is trying to do and the overall tone of “weird old maybe-uncle” spinning a yarn to a big group of you and your cousins around a fire somewhere is pretty effective. unfortunately I have less tolerance for mccarthy’s style now than when I read The Road thirteen years ago in high school. i was immediately super invested in The Road’s single dad and how he and his kid were surviving, which does not need a lot of interiority.

blood meridian also has very little interiority. the first five chapters are a teen falling in and out of various fights. i was not, and am still not invested. if im reading A Man Goes On A Journey western (as opposed to A Stranger Comes to Town western) i would like to know two or three things about the man, especially if it seems to be angling at a bildungsroman. i don't typically care for third-person objective narration when it is this closely focused on one guy, and i really don't care for loving descriptions of maggots. comforting to know a lot of critics were also squicked out by this book. so it goes.

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watching

finished watching s1 of spy x family! a Legally Not West German spy in Legally Not East Berlin has to go into deep cover and pose as a family man in order to gain access to Legally Not Erich Honecker, because the only social events Legally Not Erich Honecker goes to are the ones at his son's elite prep school.

this man FLINGS himself into being the absolute best husband and father possible. for the mission, of course.

i found the first few episodes the best, which is generally the opposite of my normal anime experience. i think it does a really good job of balancing high-octane spy hijinks and chases and explosions with very domestic concerns (he PROPOSES. with a THE RING OFF A HAND GRENADE. AFTER THROWING IT), and once you're really hooked on these characters it turns into a bit of a curtainfic. curtainanime? i had fun with all of it and anxiously await season two, but the actual applied spycraft does drop off significantly as the series goes on.

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playing

we're going to continue with out of context genshin screencaps for the duration. the watery land of fontaine has a neat smorgsabord of visual style-- freshwater but also saltwater but also the aquarium section at petsmart.

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making

unpacking mostly. acquired this coffee table and its mother. needs a very deep cleaning and some touchups but is intact. the individual tables are a bit large for like individual party drinks tables but all six together are QUITE large. four tigether would be a comfortable coffee table size for many apartments imo but! bc everything truly is bigger in Texas including my apartment it works for right now. for the first time in my life i am considering a sectional sofa bc the living/dining room is that dang big.

[blushinggray]

Omfg I’m??? Going nuts???? Anyway Fourth Wing spoilers ahead in case you’re reading/planning on reading it

First of all… BRENNAN???????? Are you one piece sabo in another life???? (Like i mean come on, the big brother who disappeared only to turn up again as a revolutionary officer?) Omg there are just so many questions going through my head rn. Like how long has he supposedly been dead again? At least six years or smth by now??? And he’s been here working on the revolution the entire time???

Also how long/often has he been in contact with xaden and co.??? Has he known that xaden has been training his little sister??? I originally found it hard to believe that xaden had such a strong impression/liking to violet at the beginning when he was supposed to hate her for the death of his father. But he’s known this whole time that her brother was alive and that she had the potential to be a great asset to them, then that would make a lot more sense of how quickly he grew to like her

The storytelling is just!!!! So intentional and well thought out!!! I can see every hint being dropped and i can’t stop for a single second from taking mental notes bc i just might need that later to confirm the foreshadowing!!! Like i saw a few things coming, even smth like Brennan coming back/being alive, but the story was told and paced so well that i didn’t expect it at all when it finally came!!!!! But the lightning being hinted all the way back during their first kiss?? This i gotta go back and reread at some point.

But this writing is like a whole ass tapestry, with how yarros (the author) weaved everything together with so much detail, and pacing, and building. I really need to take a few steps back to look at the whole thing and then dissect every part of it just so i can really appreciate it. I was really rereading so many pages in the moment just to let them settle in a little more. My brain really needed to take its time to appreciate every detail and let it settle in. Which is kinda why I’m writing out this whole ramble of a post rn lmao (I was originally kinda just using it to share a couple thoughts without spoiling anyone/creating a whole thread on twitter but now that I’m here i just gotta get this all out)

Anyway, let it be known that i have, once again, fallen for the himbo side character — ridoc will now be my chosen bf of the series, until i meet someone new/more interesting. I mean, look at this golden-hearted doofus

Also? He is dtf? Do i have to line up somewhere? Bc i will

(Lol pls disregard the fact that these are all different light/dark themes. I read across different devices and have different bg lighting themes for each of them)

Though i can’t lie… i really did love Liam too 😭😭😭 he could be so sweet and funny in those moments that he let himself be young

He didn’t deserve the end he got 😔 but he will be in my heart always. Perhaps in some sort of happy au where i can give him all my love and build him shelves for his wood carving hobby/collection 😭

Speaking of scenarios though, i have been drawn to listening to NIKI quite a bit while reading this and i have a few dedicated songs to xaden/violet from her (an underdog woman with something to tell the world; quite fitting for violet, no?)

And i also imagining a scenario of [character] (ridoc? Possibly Brennan depending on how brotherly he ends up feeling to me) and maybe rider!reader or even civilian!reader where the riders come in to save them and they’re all kind of just gathered after an attack, sheltering together and reader is comforting some younger kids or teens or smth and sings them a song to just calm them down, and it ends up calming down a few of the riders too. Just reminding them to take a breath and take the time to feel comforted, even in all the chaos

(I love you Phil Collins, but this version is just a little more chill)

Lots of thoughts… lots and lots of them. It was literally 600 pages of thought provoking stuff. Also, i am really curious about how dragons fuck/get intimate now??? But it is more than i have the bandwidth to write out at 11pm after a full day’s work and another few hours of a night class. But I finished the book and i just had to put some of my thoughts out there while i still had them simmering in my mind (and before I started iron flame). Book 2 Ridoc, and brennan, here i come!!!!

[taehyungfirst]

HII AGAIN i did watch rainy days! (istg it's so annoying that it's only at 11M rn wtf army?? i thought it would be more popular than love me again because even i found out abt the mv's early like 5 minutes after it was released... and like armys in different timezones might've received teh news later or smth idk idk i think they should've promoted more tbh and announced the news a little while before the release date so armys could've been more prepared.) as to how it's doing on the charts... idk man. it's just a lil depressing at the moment. i feel like we as a fandom, like considering how big and coordinated we are, could've contributed more. and the fact that they released it on yt first was.. idk. you can't use playlists on yt for the first 24h i think? and streaming is kinda frustrating because you have to be online and keep watching other videos in between and other stuff so it doesn't get counted as bot behavior. and i feel like some army aren't really interested anymore in non-ot7 content? ANYWAY. the MVs were sooo different to me in a such a good way i loved it. love me again with the warm golden tones and rainy days with the cool, moody palette (someone said that it's in blues and yellows and greys because those are the colors that dogs see, and that the mv is kinda shown through the eyes of yeontan, watching tae!). also, love me again has tae performing, and it's all so pretty that you don't even mind that there's nothing, idk, like cinematic? going on. i mean, that he's only standing and singing (my fav part so far is the pre-chorus, starting w "Fine, I will be honest with you"). cause the vocals, visuals, setting, vibe, outfit, etc everything just goes together so pleasingly and you can just focus on that and let loose. it's lovely on the eyes.

and then there's rainy days. to me, it's something that i can watch again and again for the details. it's visually attractive to me-- i love rain, i love 'gloomy' weather. the set has got an idk a kinda futuristic or sci-fi vibe to it, i like how unique it looks. and then you have tae just moving around, yearning, making some art (vante!!!) and just being very boyfie in general (that moment where he's lying in bed and smiling? asdhshfdjfhjkflhdsjf). at first, i liked love me again way more than rainy days but now it's really sneaked up on me and taken me by surprise lol. i went out today and i was craving it (i didn't have it downloaded so i had to wait to go home and listen to ;-;). so. i have a lot to say ofc ofc but it's getting kinda late so i should probably go to bed lol. -prev anon ⭐(https://www.tumblr.com/taehyungfirst/725456734868684800/i-freaked-out-bby-istg-it-was-so-good-like-the-mv?source=share)

hello ⭐️!

i think rainy days got low views because people are focusing on lma more, but i do agree with you i also thought that rainy days wouldve done better but even the streams for lma are higher 😭 i mean lma is a MASTERPIECE so i get it

regarding streams, the lack of teasers and build-up and the fact that it was a surprise drop really influenced everything, we’re doing our best but usa armys are not even trying rn like my tl is full of people asking for BUYERS because we have funds but not buyers and that’s crazy also it fell off us spotify yesterday yeah just kind of a mess… i hope they will be more prepared for september 8 and read guidelines, they’re lucky because they can use pandora too which is good for streams bc it got low filtering rates and it counts towards charts too

the mvs were so perfect anon 😭😭 i genuinely loved them both and the amount of details and interpretations of people (like saying that taehyung is dressed in flashy gold and red because he wants to be seen by his lover again… just beautiful) are so fun to spot and read! i’m so happy taehyung chose to create a visual album because it’s the perfect choice for him and for his art… can’t wait for the other mvs

also!! i actually thought i preferred rainy days more but then at random times i find myself singing “lost without you baaaby”… i can’t choose i fear

[rrxnjun]

well music taste is also kind of questionable since i don't really mind his music at all (although my taste in music is questionable for a lot of other reasons too lmaooo) i added all of them to my watch later (but the fact that jack manifold is in those videos and he is one of my fav streamers just makes them probably even better)

AHHH IM GLAD U LIKED THEM!!🥳you're here that's the thing is just such a nice song i'm glad that it's ur fav 🥹🥹

i kind of liked the chilling adventures of sabrina although i never finished the first season cuz i just for some reason can never finish shows🫡 but it also didn't become my fav show so i understand why didn't watch it🫡 ooo i never saw friend dahmer was it good??:o PASS ME BY IS ONE OF THEIR BEST SONGS OUTTHERE and tbh i deff recommend red velvet, if, lay your head down, easy love, heart made up on you (these are probably my favs from them but i'm not sure whether u will end up liking them or not😟)

dude i've been vibing so much to my by yael on my way to school that song is so🤌like that songs just adds life to my mornings!! i swear why is it so hard to find artist in native languages🥲tbh i was struggling so much with finding hungarian artists as well but then i found like three good ones and the rest i'm just trying to force myself to like (or more so ignore the thing that i don't like like cringy lyrics xd) ohh that probably makes sense why they feel nostalgic then!! thank u for telling me🥲

MY CLASS TRIP GOT CANCELED CUZ NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE APPLIED (?) FOR IT😭😭so sadly i'm not going anymore☹️☹️☹️☹️but i hope one day i will get another chance to go to slovakia☹️

(and school has been kicking my ass lately so sorry for the kind of late reply☹️ liebestraum anon💕)

ppls taste in music is sometimes so weird but somehow it makes sense. also i love how diverse it can get like u can find ppl who really do listen to a LOT of genres and i think thats great !!!! and even tho i do clown myself for my music taste sometimes,, at the end of the day its music and supposed to make ppl happy and thats what matters the most 🥰 ALSO JACK MANIFOLD IS SO FUNNY ISTG hes my fav guest on these 😩💕

i get u!!! if i dont hyper obsess over a show i hardly ever finish any either 😭😭 i dont get how ppl can push themselves through shows they dont like. omg my friend dahmer was...less chilling then the dahmer netfix series for sURE also i think evan peters did a better job than ross did at portraying him but it wasnt a bad movie imo! for obvious reasons i cant say i enjoyed watching it but i definitely dont regret it. ALSO I REALISED I KNOW ALL THOSE R5 SONGS U RECOMMENDED I JUST FORGOT ABOUT THEM AHAHAHA am i secretly an r5 stan and didnt know abt it ???? thanks for refreshing my memory i fucking lOOVE red velvet especially

the lyrics to my are also soso pretty imo!! a lyric from the song is my spotify playlist name LMAO its such a screamable song. its dedicated to his daughter 😌😌 altho i wont talk abt this bc i find the whole situation kind of..uhh yeah (love me some slovak drama). AHAHA i get u w the artists in your language!! i wish we had slovak artists that make music in the vibe of the artists u recommended to me :(

OH NOOO :((( NO BRATISLAVA FOR U THEN 🤧🤧🤧 id be bummed bro i loved class trips. we dont get those at uni anymore its depressing 😭😭 the first time i was in bratislava i was impressed w the old town centre i kept taking pictures bc i have a weird obsession w pretty buildings AHAHA hope u can visit some other time!!

its okay also!! my replies are so late as well so dont worry abt it😩 hope school is easier for u soon!! have a great day xx im rooting for u!!