#also i DID look up a video of someone walking through a japanese mall before writing this

[zukkaoru]

♕: Holding hands + itafushi 🤍

hello nycole!! here is some itafushi for you <3 this takes place sometime post-death painting arc and pre-shibuya

word count: 650

( prompt list )

--

Itadori groans, dropping his head onto Megumi’s shoulder. “How long is she going to take?”

“It’s Kugisaki,” Megumi points out. “If you wanted a quick shopping trip, we should have come without her.”

Itadori looks up at him. “And risk her killing us as soon as we got back? Are you crazy?”

Megumi rolls his eyes. “It hasn’t even been that long.”

“It’s been hours.”

“It’s been twenty minutes at most.”

Itadori groans again, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t do it anymore, Fushi. I’m gonna lose my mind.”

“Okay.” Megumi looks back down at his phone. He knows Itadori just has to do this sometimes - complain just a little too over dramatically about something that doesn’t really matter - and then he’ll pretend to sulk for a bit, and then he’ll be fine.

“You’re so mean, Fushi.” Megumi can hear the pout in Itadori’s voice.

“Okay,” he repeats.

Itadori huffs. He leans closer, pressing right up against Megumi and Megumi pretends it doesn’t make his heart stutter in his chest. “What are you even doing?”

Megumi turns his phone off. Not because he has anything to hide but because what he’s been doing is refreshing Twitter every two seconds and desperately hoping for new tweets to appear because he caught up with all the old ones, and Itadori does not need to know that.

He looks over at Itadori. “Do you want something? Other than attention, I mean.”

Itadori pouts, but Megumi can tell it’s over exaggerated and Itadori isn’t really upset. Megumi raises an eyebrow, hoping that will prompt Itadori to give him an actual answer.

“We should get Starbucks.”

“Why?”

“Can you think of anything better to do?”

Itadori has a point.

“Fine.” Megumi shrugs. “I’ll text Kugisaki and tell her what we’re doing so she can find us if she finishes.”

“Yes!” Itadori jumps to his feet. “C’mon, c’mon, let’s go!” As soon as Megumi has sent the text to Kugisaki and put his phone away, Itadori is grabbing his hand and pulling him to his feet. “What are you gonna get? What should I get? Maybe something with caramel? Or chocolate? Oh! Or both?”

Itadori continues to talk to himself, debating the pros and cons of different drinks, but Megumi’s ears might as well be stuffed with cotton. Because they are walking to the mall Starbucks and Itadori has not let go of his hand yet. If anything, his grip has tightened, like he’s scared he’ll lose Megumi if he lets go.

Megumi trails a step behind him, his gaze continually drifting back down to their hands, reassuring himself that he isn’t making it up.

Not that it matters. Itadori is just a touchy-feely person sometimes, and this doesn’t mean anything.

But—

Megumi shakes his head to clear his thoughts. It doesn’t mean anything that Itadori hasn’t let go of his hand, and it doesn’t mean anything that Megumi doesn’t want him to let go. It doesn’t mean anything that Megumi likes the contact and it doesn’t mean anything that Megumi would like it if this weren’t just a one-time thing. It doesn’t mean anything.

It doesn’t mean anything when Itadori glances back at him with a soft smile on his face, and it doesn’t mean anything that Megumi feels himself unconsciously smile back. It doesn’t mean that Itadori squeezes his hand before turning forward and picking up his pace, and it doesn’t mean anything that Megumi stumbles after him, the image of his smile still lingering at the forefront of his mind.

It doesn’t mean anything when Itadori only drops Megumi’s hand when he has to pay for his drink and it doesn’t mean anything when Itadori stands just a bit too close to Megumi while they wait for their drinks. Shoulders brushing, fingers knocking against each other, warmth seeping into Megumi at every point of contact.

It doesn’t mean anything.

It can’t.

[junicai]

Relationship with WAYV

➣ KUN ☾ karia

if it wasn’t for dotae potentially coming to kill him, he would steal aria into wayv

he’s the cool dad? 

they can’t spend a lot of time together because none of their schedules match up, but aria takes every third or so weekend out to come have dinner in the wayv dorms

she’s surprisingly close to the china line, and its a combination of ten dragging her to his dorm for an entire month and them just kinda adopting her when they realized she was a foreigner as well 

yuta can fight them, she’s one of them now

he doesn’t like to baby her a lot, and she really appreciates the break from being the “maknae” so to speak 

however does that stop him from giving her the forehead kithes? no

aria sad? forehead kith

aria mad? forehead kith

aria smad? forehead kith + kuddles (kun cuddles)

he has sent her a passive agressive text when he found out that she wasn’t eating enough again and had almost passed out

but he finished it with a heart so its ok

if she isn’t smiling at all times, someone will die

aria feels like she can trust him with a lot; that no matter what she tells him, he’ll never out her or make fun of her

kun actually took a two-week online course to learn how to make traditional japanese dishes when aria mentioned missing her parents

he originally was going to learn how to make irish dishes, but he changed his mind after seeing what they were

“im not giving my kids boiled cabbage and mashed potatoes what kind of post world war-”

wants to give her a chinese name but hasn’t yet because he hasn’t found the one that fits her right and he wants it to be perfect 

aria teaches him japanese phrases in exchange for him teaching her a little bit of mandarin

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

aria saw kun’s back as she entered the practice room, the man standing with three other members in the centre of the floor before the choreographer came in to start their practice. coming up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist, peeking her head around from where she was. “hi!” she smiled brightly.

“hi,” ten chuckled, showing her the camera that had just filmed all of that. 

➣ TEN ☾ tenaria

Whipped(TM)

so so gone for her its upsetting actually

yangyang and aria share the position of his baby 

except aria willingly accepts the title while yangyang would rather fling himself from a rooftop

ten’s instagram is half his cats, half miyazu aria

he posts her dancing practice on his story a lot, with a variety of captions ranging from “thats my baby  ♡( ◡‿◡ )” to “yah that’s not right...(눈_눈)”

such an enabler for her bad ideas 

aria wants to go shopping at 4am? ten agrees, now they’re sitting by han river eating ice cream

pls he’s gonna get her in so much trouble one day

when they walk together, ten likes to take her hand and put it in his pocket 

its under the pretense of not wanting her to get lost 

he just wants to hold her hand

yes he has lost her in a shopping mall, and NO it wasn’t his fault

ten always complains that they never have schedules together and he misses his baby 

“we have superm-” “I NEVER SEE YOUUUU (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ”

if they’re in the same room ten is either watching her out of the corner of his eye, or is actually wrapped around her like a boa constrictor 

hugs n kithes all around

only he is allowed make fun of her mistakes in dancing 

anyone else gets deaded. he will fight for her honor how dare you insult his baby 

sm give these ttwo a dancing duo video pls 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

the first and only time aria and ten had a duet was during their last concert on superm’s first world tour. during the second half of ten’s solo performance, aria emerged from the left side of the stage, coming to join him in the centre stage. no one had ever seen aria as serious as she was then, both herself and ten becoming completely different people in the moment. midway through, aria spun with her back to ten and leaped backwards into the air - eyes closed - completely trusting ten to be where she needed him to be to catch her. 

➣ WINWIN ☾ winria

a love hate relationship at its finest

they don’t actually hate each other it’s just really funny to pretend that they do (especially because yuta complains that 2 of his favourite people aren’t getting along)

winwin is so savage towards aria but it’s ok she claps back twice as hard

at first, before czennies had seen enough of their dynamic they thought that they actually did hate each other

but that’s not true they just don’t know how to express, affection, without brutally insulting the other with a loving tone

they are, surprisingly, the most stable pairing in 127 - they have a dynamic and rarely stray from that, which is a good comfort for the fans

despite what they might say to each other, they don’t mean any of it - and winwin has been seen several times raising his eyebrows with a questioning look at aria to make sure she wasn’t taking any of his playful jabs to heart

oh god the flexibility

the entirety of nct is terrified of them

the day sm gives them a circus act is the day that kun and taeyong have a heart attack

quietly supportive of each other - catch aria “playing” with a water bottle and not getting up to get it when it conveniently rolls across the floor and into winwin’s leg

he makes sure to save some new chinese sweets whenever the wayv members get packages from their familes, and sneak it into aria’s room before the managers can catch her breaking her diet

not really physically affectionate with each other, which played into czennies idea that they didn’t like each other but aria cleared it up in a vlive

“winwinnie and I, well. we don’t hug a lot because i know he doesn’t like it as much as i might, so i try to show him i care with other things :)”

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

winwin and aria going in to each other on knowing brothers, to the point where the mc’s had their eyes popping out of their head and waved about to stop the segment before aria could start attacking winwin’s cooking methods-

nothing is off limits when it comes to them

➣ LUCAS ☾ arihei

besties 

please they’re so cute together - tol child next to tini child she barely comes up to his chest :(

bear hugs

he just swamps her in his arms, and when he doesn’t feel like being bent over he picks her up 

complains that she’s too heavy but then immediately after will throw her around like a softball 

someone tell this man to be careful with her she’s not a barbie doll 

singular braincell energy

don’t get it wrong, they’re both super smart 

so it’s just - being smort together, but then nearly dying because neither of them remembered that you couldn’t eat raw cookie dough when there are eggs in it

she adores how he’s so confident in the things that he does - like convincing the entire nct fandom that he was fluent in english? king behaviour

so aria looks up to him (literally) but also because she wants to have that confidence some day 

lucas says they’re not close and then aria pouts and he takes it all back

nczennies made a 14 minute compilation titled “lucas melting like a popsicle in australia for aria” 

and literally what the title tells you, this man goes :(( when he sees her 

lucas was actually the person to convince her to go ahead with the [redacted] proposal - and reminded her that it was too good an opportunity to pass up just because she felt like she was outgrowing the boys

he’s so proud of her

and she’s so proud of him 

they’re so proud of each other and it makes nczennies want to cry because they never are seen together 

sm stop separating the platonic soulmates first markhyuck and now arihei smh

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

during a photoshoot, aria was standing off to the side of the boys, dressed in white suit to contrast the boys’ black ones. the photographer was calling out to her to get her to move closer, but she couldn’t hear him from so far away, and so lucas (who was on the end) just walked over to her, gripped her by the biceps and lifted her vertically and to the left a little bit. 

“luc-LUCAS?”

“you had to move :)”

➣ XIAOJUN ☾ arijun

honestly these two aren’t super close, just because their schedules never matched up until the NCT 2020 promotions

even when aria was dragged to the wayv dorms, xiaojun kept his distance from her because he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable 

even so, when they were filming Make A Wish together, they seemed comfortable enough around each other

there was a mutual agreement to not try fill the silence with awkward small talk, so they sat in silence when left alone together

they’re both shy :( someone needs to get them to talk to each other :(

even so, aria was all supportive smiles and thumbs-up when she saw him getting nervous before their first public stage as the unit 

he was a little intimidated of her at first, but also really curious about how she was holding her own against the other members

not only physically, but her vibes are tiny let the man be concerned ok

his first impression of aria was just: small quiet? she was sitting apart from the other boys in the practice room, and he almost wanted to go over and ask her if she was ok; before she was approached by donghyuck and her face broke into a bright smile 

aria’s first impression of xiaojun was: eyebrows he was really handsome? at first, she thought he was in the wrong room, seeing as the SM modeling auditions were happening in the next room down

any arijun shippers are starved of content im so sorry guys 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

currently still up for debate between the fandom :(

➣ HENDERY ☾ aridery

ah these two 

you might as well sign a waiver if you decide to do anything with them, because they can and will get you killed 

kun can testify

ten’s the enabler but hendery is the do-er

super giggly around each other, for no reason at all

hendery could pick up and throw a basketball and suddenly aria’s on the floor in literal stitches 

have a secret code 

no seriously

they don’t text in words, they just send various reaction memes and a colourful variety of emojis to convey emotions and scenarios 

it’s become quite a beautiful language actually 

got some nice proverbs in there

they’re like, cousins but the ones you only see at family reunions but get so hype to see them

that energy 

asides from the chaotic, murderous vibes they possess as a duo

hendery knows what it’s like to miss home, to miss your parents, etc etc

and so he tries to make aria feel as home as possible - especially with wayv, because they’re all foreigners who know how she feels 

whenever he gets packages from his parents who have sent things over, he always makes sure to keep some of the small treats/sweets back for aria

1. because he knows she’ll appreciate the thought and she gives good hugs

2. because he knows she’s on a diet constantly and never allowed eat these things when she’s in the dorms with managers around 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

filming the Resonance “Wish” event, aria was put in a skimpy minimalistic mock-suit to differentiate from the others’ clothes. unfortunately, that left aria with a little too much shoulder and chest on display than she would like, and she was noticeably uncomfortable with her clothes, constantly pulling it up and even going so far as to just hold it with her hands. 

hendery saw this, and knew he was finished filming his segment for the time being, so he pulled off his own jacket and tossed it over to aria, who caught it with a grateful smile. “thank you,” she mouthed to him, tugging the dark blue material over her shoulders.

➣ YANGYANG ☾ ariyang

aria. has 9 days of age on this boy and will never let him forget it

“respect your elders you brat” “9. DAYS.”

european pals 

they feel so cultured when they get asked about europe, and then are kindly reminded by hendery that A. Germany started 2 world wars, and B. Ireland was just a British colony until 100 years ago. 

they both hit him for that

aria teaching him curse words in irish and yangyang teaching her curse words in german? more likely than you’d think 

they met before yangyang’s debut was announced, in a practice room that had let them accidentally overlap their practice times 

instead of working it out between them, they actually just started to alternate their songs - and the other gave them some good, constructive criticism 

most of the time

when they found out they were going to be in 90s Love together, they were so happy 

it was going to be their first official schedule together

all the behind-the-scenes videos are just aria and yangyang being children and then ten coming over and cooing at them 

they love ten, but they will trash talk the man behind his back 

yangyang confessed to her that he sometimes feels nervous when speaking korean, like he’s going to make a big mistake

so she tries her best to teach and correct him where she can, and make him as comfortable as possible 

if you look at any of the 90s Love promotions - aria is always beside yangyang

he bit her ear once

she doesn’t know why and he won’t tell her

but now when she makes fun of him, he threatens to do it again 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

aria skating onto the rink during filming, and yangyang following her because she promised to teach him how to skate backwards.

“ok just, think like you’re leading with your heels. press your knees in, and push outwards, with you-no no that’s forwards. go backwards yangyang.”

“no no no thats a WALL YANGYANG STOP-” 

[theanarik]

Day 13: Kiss

Hello! I bring you fluff!!! Happy SasuHina Month! I tried to get this one done before midnight but I kind of got distracted watching videos. Sorry! Hope you liked it! This is a sequel to Coffee, The best and Lingering, and also a prequel! Can you guess to which one?

Day 13: Indirect kiss

Kiss:

You can also read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24712180

And here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13615143/1/Kiss

I

Hinata has always been a I-prefer-staying-at-home person. It’s not that she doesn’t enjoy going out, she does! But you will never see her organizing any outside outing. Leave that to Ino and Sakura, she likes inviting her friends to eat lunch at her place better. However, it’s not like she’s going to say no to her friends when they invite her to go shopping or going out to a bar.

This time, though, they’re out at a mall, at the cinema, and she’s already sat with most of their friends, but they’re waiting for Naruto and Sasuke to arrive, Sakura waiting for them outside with their tickets. When they arrive, Naruto has one of the biggest popcorn buckets they sell, and Sasuke is coming empty handed.

“Where’s your popcorn, Sasuke?” Ino asks.

“Sasuke says that he doesn’t like popcorn, but he always steals from the person sitting next to him.”

“That’s not true.”

“Uh huh.”

There are only three chairs available, and Hinata will not stand up to accommodate either of them.

“You should have arrived earlier,” Neji tells them from behind her. “She won’t stand up until the movie ends, not even if she needs to go to the bathroom.”

Sakura gives her a strange look, kind of like a glare, but not quite. Hinata shrugs and continues eating her popcorn. Naruto sits to her right, and to his right sits Sakura. Sasuke sits to Hinata’s left, and she tries to concentrate on her own popcorn.

She loses herself in the movie, eating her popcorn and drinking her coke. She comes to a halt when she realizes that her paper cup has disappeared. Hinata frowns at the empty space and turns to look at Naruto. He’s chatting with Sakura, making her giggle, then she turns to look at Sasuke. And she sees her paper cup. Sasuke is drinking from the straw in her paper cup.

“Sasuke…” she mumbles, and he turns to look at her, mouth still on the straw. “That’s my coke.”

“Oh…” he gives it back to her and she narrows her eyes at him.

Hinata wonders as she sips just how many times Sasuke drank from her cup without her realizing it.

II

The last time Hinata let someone borrow one of her pens, the person never returned it. Of course, that was to be expected, wasn’t it? Nobody actually asks for their pen to be returned. Right? Hinata misses the time when her father would buy school supplies for her. Admittedly it was a long time ago, but really, going out of her way to buy school supplies was never the highlight of her day.

“Can I borrow your pen for a moment?” Sasuke asks her. She turns around to see if he’s actually talking to her and realizes that yeah, Sasuke, who ignored her completely when she arrived at the library, is talking to her. “I really need to write this down and mine ran out of ink.”

“Uh…” The pen falls out of Hinata’s mouth. She knows that if she does lend it to him, the pen will probably not come back. On the other hand, she has three other pens in her bag, she could easily replace it. “Sure.”

She hands him the pen, and then turns around to take another one from her bag. She focuses on her task at hand: finishing her Japanese Literature III homework before going to class. At 3:30 p.m. her phone vibrates, and she startles. She throws everything on her bag again and stands up, turning around to move the chair when she catches Sasuke’s hair and remembers that he still has her pen.

“Sasuke,” she starts. “Can I, um… can I have my pen back?” she says as she walks up to his table. She raises her eyebrows at the sight of him.

Sasuke’s hand is on his hair, he looks promptly stressed out and there are a lot of crossed out things on his notebook. Oh, and Hinata’s pen? Yeah, that’s on Sasuke’s mouth at the moment.

“You know what?” Hinata tells him before he can say anything. “You look like you need it more than me.”

“Thanks,” he murmurs, and he sounds sincere about it. Hinata smiles and turns around.

She has classes at the other side of the campus.

III

After moving in with Sasuke, Hinata discovered that the man wasn’t really a morning person. Sasuke woke up just after his fifth alarm rang, and he went straight into the kitchen, without brushing his teeth or anything, to drink coffee. Hinata figured it out quite quickly, thankfully, and by the fourth day she knows that Sasuke won’t really answer until he has at least two thirds of his second coffee down.

He’s mostly clean. Mostly. He washes the dishes when she cooks, and constantly tells her that living with Naruto was a nightmare (his stories go from underwear on the sofa to three days of unwashed dishes). Sasuke never outrightly tells her that she’s the best roommate ever, but she’s learned how to read in between the lines.

As she cooks lunch, Sasuke leans on the kitchen counter, watching her stir a pepper sauce he’s going to love – her words, not his –. Hinata turns the flame to the lowest and grabs a little spoon, dipping it on the sauce and trying it. She makes a humming noise and dips it again, turning around to face Sasuke.

“Can you try it?” she asks him, offering the spoon. Sasuke stares at her. “I don’t know if I should add more Brandy or not.”

Sasuke raises his eyebrows and tries the sauce, feeling the salty as well as the pepper-y taste. He frowns at her and clicks his tongue a few times as he considers.

“Yeah, more Brandy. And maybe something to ease down the salt?”

“Too salty?”

“Yup.”

“Okay,” she turns around to grab more heavy cream and he leaves the kitchen.

IV

Sasuke is aware that a drunk Hinata means that she’s going to get stutter-y and too affectionate. As they enter the apartment together, Hinata has already expressed that he’s the best person ever and that she’d really like to get coffee with him somewhere. Sasuke understands that as going out and drinking the coffee somewhere different than their apartment.

He leaves her sitting on the couch as he retrieves a glass of water from the kitchen. When he comes back, though, she’s fully laying down her body on the couch and she’s almost asleep. Sighing, Sasuke sits Hinata down again, helps her drink her water and then tries to make her stand up. She straight up refuses.

“No!”

“Hinata, we’ll just go to your room, you’ll sleep better on your own bed.”

“No! I’ll stay here.”

“You’ll wake up with a creek.”

“I d-don’t care.”

Sasuke sighs again. Looks up the ceiling and asks himself which decisions in his life brought him here. Hinata is trying to lay down again and Sasuke helps her lift her legs. He goes to her room and brings her a pillow and her comforter, he nods when she thanks him. Sasuke goes back to the kitchen and wonders where his glass is.

“Ugh, I probably left it in my room,” he mumbles to himself, and turns to grab Hinata’s glass.

He fills it up with water again and drinks it without thinking too much about it. He rinses the glass and leaves it on the cupboard, turning off the kitchen light as he gets out. When he checks on Hinata again, she has her eyes opened and she’s staring at him. Sasuke lowers himself down and brushes off some of her hair, Hinata closes her eyes and nuzzles into his palm.

“I like you a lot, Sasuke Uchiha.”

+ I

When Hinata wakes up, she has the worst headache she’s ever felt in her entire life, there’s just too much light and too much noise.

“Ugh, what is that?” she asks out loud, and thanks all the gods that her voice is so soft. She’s never been thankful of that before, might as well start now.

“That’s the washing machine,” Sasuke answers from the kitchen counter. She narrows her eyes at him and throws herself down on the couch again.

She stays under the covers for a minute or two, then promptly stands up when her bladder tells her that she needs to go to the bathroom now. She ignores the look Sasuke is giving her and escapes to the bathroom with awaited relief. After peeing, Hinata washes her face and brushes her teeth, moving back to the living room.

“Here,” Sasuke says, and he handles her two pills and a glass of water. “It’ll make you feel better.”

Hinata thanks him and swallows it all. Walking to the kitchen and opening the fridge, she mentally takes note of what they’re lacking of and decides to go grocery shopping after breakfast. When she takes out the last five eggs, Sasuke says:

“So, do you still want to go to get that coffee?”

Hinata frowns. What is he talking about? Is he talking to her or is he talking over the phone and she didn’t realize? She turns to look at him and narrows her eyes at the expecting look on his face. She searches on his features something that tells her what he means when it suddenly hits her.

“We s-should go out, uh, for coffee sometime.” And “I like you a lot, Sasuke Uchiha.”

Hinata goes pale. Then her face goes through various shades of red until it settles on something bright that makes her pale eyes pop up.

“So?” Sasuke asks, still waiting for an answer and do you know what Hinata should do? Escape.

She leaves the eggs on the counter, breakfast forgotten and how is he so talkative this morning? How much coffee has he had before she woke up? Jesus, she needs to go.

“Oh, no, you’re not going anywhere.” Sasuke says, grabbing her arm and stopping her from hiding in her bedroom. In retrospective, Hinata should have known that that could happen. He was in her way after all. “You just need to tell me if you want to do that or not.”

“If you still want that tomorrow, when you’re sober, sure.”

His words echo in her head and she wonders if he meant it.

“Did you mean it?”

“What.”

“That if I, uh, said yes, we’d, we’d go?”

Sasuke doesn’t answer her at first, lets her arm go and stares at her for a moment. Hinata feels her cheeks go hot, and she looks down. Sasuke tilts her head up, making her look at his eyes and she gulps before she hears his answer.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

Hinata’s eyes grow big, and there’s a smile on her face and she looks positively happy.

“Then, yeah. Let’s go out for a coffee.”

Sasuke smiles at her and cups her face on his hands. She looks so beautiful and she’s looking at him, he never really though that would happen. He leans a little bit and Hinata meets him in the middle, eyes halfway closed. The kiss is soft, short and sweet. It’s innocent and it’s the promise of more kisses to come. He leans up a little bit and kisses her forehead, touching it then with his own.

Then, someone clears their throat and they both look to the side, startled. There, in the living room entryway is Naruto holding greasy paper bags and smiling at them. Sasuke wants to murder him.

“Who’s ready for some hangover-cure burgers?”

You can also read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24712180

And here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13615143/1/Kiss

[aion-rsa]

Werner Herzog On Unlocking the Secrets of the Universe…from Earth

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

There may be nothing more pleasing than watching a room full of scientists erupt in glee as the probe they spent hurtling into space years prior finally touches down on a moving object in the farthest reaches of space. The information and material that the probe will send back can hopefully answer questions of the universe we’ve been trying to ask since the beginning of our existence. Since before humans even walked the earth, however, the dark blanket of the sky has been depositing meteors to our world that hold important answers of the unknown.

The new Apple TV+ documentary Fireball: Visitors from Darker Worlds by the filmmaking team of Werner Herzog and Clive Oppenheimer takes a look at the history of meteors falling to Earth, and the impact they have on both science and our cultural roots. We spoke with Werner and Clive to discuss the importance of documenting these phenomena and the process of bringing it to audiences in an informational, entertaining package.

DEN OF GEEK: In these types of projects, obviously you want to be able to teach people and show them something they may not know; but is there a need to balance wanting to feed your own curiosities as well? 

Werner Herzog: It’s only curiosity. If we wanted to teach somebody, we would be teachers. But it was always clear we must not be didactic. This has to be entertaining, there has to be that excitement of science. It has to be the awe of what we are seeing, then we are on the right track.

Clive Oppenheimer: It’s show business. And cinema.

But in the same breath, obviously we’re in a time right now where science is somehow under attack, it’s more important that we get these things out there for people.

Clive Oppenheimer: I think with the attack on science, this is probably unstoppable and it serves various agendas and vested interests. You know in some ways I’ve seen it, I’ve seen how it operates, and I think we just have to set this aside. We know what we’re about and we know what we’re trying to do with these films. Above all, it’s to make hopefully a lasting piece of art, which brings together music, cinematography, and extraordinary people and locations and ideas of the human imagination.

Talking about cinematography specifically, I think it’s interesting that there’s so much more being captured now because people have cameras in their hands all the time. It’s so interesting to know that we’re catching these physical occurrences like the meteor in Russia because there’s a whole country of people worried about insurance fraud and using dash cams. 

Werner Herzog: Well, in Russia it’s not insurance fraud. The police would try to extort money from you, stopping you saying you ran the traffic light and extort money. But that all dates back to Yeltsin’s time when police were not properly paid, when pensions were not paid, when school teachers were not paid. So it was a time of catastrophe for Russia. That’s over, but the dashboard cameras remained in the cars. You see them everywhere. 

We were lucky that an event like this was filmed. We were asked by some people who were interested to be in production if we had footage. Yes, but we need this kind of footage in 4k and all there is are such lousy videos from Russian dashboards. And I said, fine, let’s sit with a camera for 800,000 years on Mount Rushmore… maybe we will be sponsored by someone [laughter]. Of course, it’s very fortunate that we have this dash cam footage.

Obviously, the empirical evidence that someone is looking for is coming from these objects as they are studied. But I’m wondering if there are also comparisons that can be made from actual meteors to the space junk that may have fallen back into orbit.

Clive Oppenheimer: I mean, space junk is…I would see this as quite a different kind of phenomenon. There are now archaeologists studying space junk, which I find very, very interesting in itself. But with meteorites we’re looking at things that are four and a half billion years old. So, you know, reaching back to the earliest times of the solar system indeed there are even presolar grains into stellar grains that date before the formation of our own services and that are found in some of these meteorites. 

We’re reaching way, way back in time and we’re also looking at objects that have had, and have huge cultural significance for us. One of the earliest recorded falls of a meteorite was in Japan 1200 years ago. The stone is now a relic in a Shinto temple in Nōgata, Japan. Every five years it’s processed through the streets and this fascinates me just as much as the revelation that they’re carbonaceous meteorites full of amino acids and sugars and other organic molecules. So it’s a very rich topic to dig into.

In regards to the organic molecules, when it came to Jon Larsen’s micro meteorites, I remember him saying that they’ve never found one that was exactly like the other. Or that the compounds found in each one never repeat; but in essence, somewhere that has to be something that broke up and split apart…there has to be another one out there to compare it to right?

Werner Herzog: Because I think some of them were always dust, and only at some time in the history of the universe– billions of years ago–they coagulated to solid larger bodies of metal. And I think about what Jon Larsen, the jazz musician turned scientist says, “Dust is the currency of the cosmos.” Some of them never break up; they were always only dust. And that’s the currency of the cosmos

Obviously, it’s going to be easier to study something that lands on a certain type of terrain, but I’m surprised we didn’t hear a lot about something that possibly may have been found under the ocean, or that created craters in the ocean itself. Are those existent?

Clive Oppenheimer: Yes, almost certainly. If you think about just the probability of where a stone is going to land, most of them are falling in the oceans. And so for sure there will be the down there, but you’ve also got to think of the size of a stone that is going to leave a crater on the ocean floor if it’s traveling through two miles of ocean.

Werner Herzog: You can say that you wouldn’t see anything, but of course in the Yucatan Peninsula you have a crater that’s 200 kilometers in diameter. Part of it is in the ocean, which I think didn’t exist like that before, 65 million years ago. 

Clive Oppenheimer: Interestingly, the micrometeorites –  this cosmic dust that Jon Larsen looks for on roofs of sports arenas and elsewhere – this was first discovered in the late 19th century during what’s regarded as the first oceanographic research cruise. They dredged up sediments from the deep Pacific, and they found these little spherical particles which they realize were extraterrestrial. They’re there because they’re in areas of very, very low sedimentation from the continents that are a long way from where erosion is washing land sediments to the seabed. So they concentrated there. 

They’re found as well in the icing remote parts of Antarctica. The remarkable thing that Jon Larsen did was he said, “Well, this dust must be everywhere. It must also be in car parks in New York City and on the roofs of shopping malls. I’m going to have to sift through an awful lot of bird excrement, but I’ll find it.” He spent five years doing that till he found his first particle but now he’s got thousands of them and found out how to discriminate between them. It’s extraordinary, it’s a whole new branch of science.

Did you look into anything interesting that didn’t make it into the film?

Werner Herzog: We have something that made it halfway into the film, and that’s a black stone in Mecca, the holiest site of the Muslim world. Neither Clive nor I are Muslims – we’re not allowed to set foot into the city of Mecca. Of course we respect this, and we tried to organize with this young, very gifted Saudi filmmaker who had filmed before in Mecca. We gave him very precise instructions, there’s a wonderful shot in the film, but we have it only for three seconds. We needed it for 30 seconds but he never got the full permits to do it and we were already into editing. So, if we had to rely on cell phone footage, which was shot by one of the pilgrims.

Clive Oppenheimer: There’s nothing in the way of something being left out of the film but there are other topics (I would have liked to cover). There’s the whole year of asteroid mining; of going out there and coming back with rare earth elements and precious metals. And there are outfits that are seriously looking into the logistics of that. There’s a Japanese company that does – let’s say you know you really want a fancy wedding, well why not have a meteor shower for the reception? So they are dropping little bits of dust from satellites to make your very own meteor shower.

Werner Herzog: Sand falling to create a meteor shower for the bride [laughter].

Clive Oppenheimer: I’d have loved it if we could have done that.

Werner Herzog: The Japanese have the most wonderful, spectacular idea when it comes to that. 

Clive Oppenheimer: Great for the premiere of the movie.

What is your dynamic like when you enter into these projects? Do you approach it as Clive having a certain expertise and that Werner is kind of acting in our place as the novice – to ask the questions the audience may have?

Clive Oppenheimer: We work very closely and we’re in frequent contact throughout the pre-production, as we’re thinking about locations and crew, and during the editing. But we bring different skills to it and I think for me it’s neither a disadvantage or an advantage that I don’t have a training in fine arts or in filmmaking. So I can say, or suggest possibly outrageous ideas, and generally with Werner they don’t meet with negative reactions. Werner also has a very different approach.

Werner Herzog: The beauty of life is that I never had any training in fine arts and filmmaking either. I never went to film school.

That may be true, but so many people revere your films. And even though you are still making narrative films, a lot of people now know you for these documentaries. 

Werner Herzog: It’s an abomination because much of my documentary filmmaking is feature films in disguise. And what will remain of what I have done will be two things. The book that I have written–the prose texts is one thing. Like, Conquest of the Useless or, Of Walking in Ice. Then there are the feature films; Aguirre: The Wrath of God, The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser, or Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans…anyway.

There are still throngs of younger audiences now who just know your voice from various cartoons you’ve lent it to (American Dad, Rick and Morty), and of course because of things like The Mandalorian. It’s almost like you’re creating another version of yourself. 

Werner Herzog: No, it’s not another version of myself, It’s just me doing professional work. I’m a professional man and I do what I’m good at. I would never be in a film as an actor in a romantic comedy. See, I gotta play the badass.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Clive Oppenheimer: I’ve lost sleep, you know, ever since I saw him in Jack Reacher. That was terrifying.

Fireball: Visitors from Darker Worlds premieres on Apple TV+ on Friday. Nov. 13.

The post Werner Herzog On Unlocking the Secrets of the Universe…from Earth appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[kweebtrash]

Just Say Goodnight and Go (M)

Messy Chapter 7

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut, The fluff chapter TM

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: alcohol, night terrors/ panic attacks, minimal talk about assault. 

Features: body worship, choking/breathing denial, talk about oral fixation, thigh high kink, a bunch of makeout sessions, a little bit of a handjob, still exploring the daddy kink a bit, overstretching, rough sex and semi-soft sex, really bad drunk decisions.

Word Count: around 17.6k

A/N: ‘they’ and ‘she’ are used interchangeably on purpose. I didn’t exactly hit 20k like I thought but I was damn close lol. Note: In case you don’t know Rilakkuma is a Japanese character (like Hello Kitty) but from the brand San-X. This chapter has got a bunch of fluff in it, but ya’ll know fluff aint my usual thing that I write about. So tell me if it was good or bad please.

Messy Masterlist    Buy me a Ko-Fi    Other Stories

“What do people like….do on dates?”

“Eri, what the hell kind of question is that? You act like you never been on one before.” Quinn said before squinting in the mirror to viciously measure if their eyeliner wings were even.

“Like i mean...i have but also i'm antisocial and some if the best times i've had with people were just like hanging out and doing nothing. Like Yuta and i just lay around and watch anime-”

“While he fingers you.”

“Lucas and I play video games.”

“Until his attention span goes to eating you out.”

I huffed. “Listen…”

“You went out on dates with Jungwoo, didn't you?”

“Yeah but we would like go to parks during the spring and walk around, or he'd follow me around the mall and blush if I so much as mentioned going to look at underwear in a store. We went to an aquarium solely because i just wanted to hear him say the word in his adorable accent all day. But those are things that I did when like…” i sighed and set my eyeshadow brush down. “When I was in love.”

“And you're not in love with Johnny?”

“Johnny's a fuckboy. You really think he'd hold my hand and push me on a swing set at the park? Please. He's gonna take one look at these thigh highs and want to fuck as soon as we start this so called date and that's a-ok with me.”

“Eri, you're a bad liar.”

“You're the one who suggested going on a stupid date with Jaehyun! What do you two do all the time when you hang out anyway, hmm?”

Quinn squinted again, glaring at their uneven ink line before handing the eyeliner pen to me. “Fix itttttttt.” they whined. I sighed and grabbed a makeup wipe to try and clean up some of the unevenness before filling it out with the ink again. “But we honestly fuck a lot. Like a lot a lot. He heard about Taeil helping me study and wanted to help too but instead of being NICE he fingered me and wouldn't let me cum until i got an answer right-which is very hard when his stupid hot long fingers are digging inside you. Then one time I decided to cook for him, because i'm perfect wifey material and he lasted a whole minute of helping me in the kitchen before he was grabbing at my ass.”

“Great, a bigger slut. So why the hell did you come up with this boba date idea in the first place?!” I painted on the small wings in short strokes, connecting it to the already thickened lined that covered Quinn's lashline.

They shrugged, which made me purse my lips and glare down at them for moving. “I don't know. I basically said, Jaehyun you're taking me to get Boba and then I thought it'd be nice for you to come along because you’re maybe-kinda- sorta-my security blanket. Then i realized i asked him out on a date without meaning for it to sound like a date and then i gay panicked and asked you to come but that only made it a DOUBLE DATE and then i had to pretend that everything was natural and I-”

“Quinn. I should stab you in the eye with this pen.”

“I CANT HELP IT! Sometimes he's really stupid and cute and i hate his fuckin’ perfect teeth and perfect smile and those STUPID dimples. I want to punch his face but also kiss him endlessly. I especially hate it when he's like...nice and not a complete asshole because it just makes me want to be around him more!” They sighed.

I finished correcting the wing on their other eye and plopped back down in my desk chair. “I know what you mean...after the party Johnny and I spent the entire night together and it was definitely a journey. I found out things about him that i never could even imagine happening to someone like him. And it just...it made me sad. All i wanted to do was see him happy. I wanted to make him happy.”

“What do you mean? What happened to him?”

“I shouldn't tell you…” i whispered.

“Eri, we're best friends.”

“Yeah but...he's starting to trust me and I don't want to mess that up.”

“I wouldn't ever tell anyone. You know that.”

I fidgeted in my seat as i felt my morals be compromised a bit. Quinn was my best friend that I told practically everything to but Johnny was my...fuckbuddy who had gone through enough for a lifetime and needed someone who would be there for him. I still yearned to be that someone and wanted to solidify my place as a friend he could count on. I knew Quinn wouldn't tell a soul so I was sure the secret was safe but it still made me feel a bit uneasy. “I...i...don't know…”

“Was it about that chick at the party? The like weird looking one that was all over him?”

I nodded then grabbed their little hands, squeezing them tight. “Just swear on our friendship you won't ever say anything. Not even to Jae.”

“I swear.”

“Ok...and don't think or treat of him any different. Go on hating him like normal. It's ok.”

“Yes, Eri, I will. I swear.”

“She...that girl...assaulted him while he was coming down from a bad high and was sick. And you know, he's a big dude. He's tall and muscular and shit- everyone would think he'd be able to fight her off but he can only remember bits and pieces because he was so messed up. Then he described to me how he felt like...how he felt so numb and helpless. It was hard for him…”

“Eri, the same has happened to me. Why would you think I would tell anyone about this?”

“I know,” i practically whimpered. “I didn't mean it like that. I just...i kinda care about him now. I want to be there for him but without making stuff too complicated. I honestly just think he needs someone he can rely on.”

“But then you fell in love with him.”

“I'm going to need you and Doyoung to stop saying that. Are you two conspiring against me?”

“It's just a bit obvious to people that aren't only here to fuck you.” Quinn kissed me gently and returned my little hand squeeze. “It's good that you're there for him. He needs it. I wish we could've been friends sooner so you would've been there for me. You have a good ability to be a pillar of strength for people. But don't let that consume you either. He needs to get through it on his own too.”

“I know. I want him to but this is where the stubborn fuck boy part still remains and makes me want to throw his giant ass across the room.”

“Yeah, he's still stupid about a lot of things but any step towards healing is progress.”

I pouted and gave myself another glance in the mirror before adding more smokiness to my outer crease. “Yeah, I know. It's still fresh though so I can't rush him. I just need to make sure it doesn't get too messy.”

“And also make sure he somehow becomes your boyfriend?”

“WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?! WHY DON'T YOU GO BE JAE'S BOYFRIEND, YA LIL TURD.”

“Eww no. I don't want to be near his stupid abs and dimples and perfect teeth and soft hair all day. Absolutely not.”

We both glared at each other for a moment. Our weak facades to our feelings were no match for one another and we couldread each other like open books. Things were getting to be a little bit too serious for the both of us and I may have admitted it to myself during my talk with Doyoung but there was no way in hell that I was ever going to say that I had feelings for Johnny out loud. I hoped that I would eventually get over him enough to just keep things casual. I was sure my fear of love was the perfect blockade for that. Nothing could get past that impenetrable wall. So i felt safe for now. Quinn nudged me, breaking our glaring contest and making us both laugh.

“How did we end up like this?” I asked.

“Like what? Stringing along a bunch of hot guys waiting to do whatever we want them to do? Pure talent. We're amazing. And i am making them pay for the boba.”

“Well duh. If they don't we can just throw them out and solidify our relationship with Lucas. I mean he has everything they have anyway: big dick, deep voice, nice lips, can reach things on the top shelf. It's all we need.” I added a final touch of setting spray and wiped at the powder fallout that covered the top of my boobs. “Oh, by the way, do I look ok in this?”

I stood up so Quinn could see my black ensemble of a Simple Plan t-shirt I had since I was 15, a suspender skirt, black thigh highs and matching high-top converses. They squinted and looked me up and down, even making me turn for them. “It's okay.” They stated simply.

“Ok? What do you mean ok? Do I look fat or something?”

“No it's just...i mean it's very you.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

“Like very...high school emo. But your hair and makeup is really cute and he'll like the thigh highs. What are you wearing underneath?”

“Underneath?” I hadn't given much thought to my underwear. “I just picked whatever was in my drawer.”

“Well do you want to entice him a bit?”

I shrugged. “I guess a little. Really make this date worthwhile since i'm sure he's gonna be a jerk about the whole thing. I’m not even sure why he agreed to go.”

“Duh,” Quinn said. “Because he likes you. If he isn't a shitty date then you can give him a little something. And if he is, don't show him at all. I have a cute white lace set you'd look good in. You should wear that.”

“Wear lingerie the entire time? That underwire is gonna kill me.”

“You know I hate bras as much as you do but it'll be cute. Trust me.” Quinn got up from my bed and went over to their room leaving me to follow. When they pulled out the set from their drawer I almost couldn't believe how small it was.

“Uh...you want me to put all of my ass in that?”

“Didn't you say he likes your butt? With this and the thigh highs you can ask him to eat you out and i bet he finally would.”

“Oh...right.” I took the small underwear and bra and started to change into them, not bothering to bring up his previous trauma surrounding oral. It was just easier not going into more into detail about it. I slithered out of my old underwear and into the lace panties which seemed to morph into a thong between my ass cheeks. I adjusted myself over and over in the bra, trying to stuff myself into the seemingly small cups. “Should I really look this desperate? I mean we've fucked like half a dozen times before.”

“It's not desperate! Just trust me. Do that whole femdom thing you do and feel sexy. It may make you feel less nervous if you just pretend you have confidence.”

“Pfft, i doubt it.” I pulled my shirt back over my head, practically feeling my tits at my throat. I stepped over to Quinn's full length mirror and adjusted myself over and over again. Feigning confidence I could do sometimes but alcohol was a lot more helpful with that.

“Will you stop fussing? You're making me more nervous than I already am. We have to be cool sluts not….stupid schoolgirls!” Quinn hissed.

“Yeah, well….i am a stupid schoolgirl and I hate it! I don't want it Quinn!”

“It's just boba! We got this! It's not like-” Suddenly we heard three sharp raps against our door. Our mouths snapped shut and panic washed over us. We looked at each other as if we didn't know what to do. “You do it.” They whispered.

“No, no! You! It was your idea that got us into this mess in the first place!” I planted my hands on their back and forced then towards the door. “Go!”

“You come with me! What are you gonna do?Just stay in here?!”

“Yes! And maybe die alone so i don't have to be embarrassed!” A few more knocks came again and Quinn and I fussed with our hair, our clothes, checking our breaths and if we had things in our teeth. Eventually we stood in front of the door, squaring our shoulders and pretending like everything was totally fine. I was the one who set my hand on the door handle, swinging it open to see my worst nightmare.

The four of us stared at one another like lost children, wide eyed and scared. It was so strange seeing them dressed up that it was like a shock to the system. I was used to the Johnny in sweatpants or basketball shorts and hoodies but now he was...God, he was stunning. Everything; from his hair, his lips, his eyes behind the round wire frames he wore, and his incredibly perfect long legs trapped in his torn up skinny jeans. I hated to admit it-absolutely loathed it- but he looked like complete boyfriend material; so soft and cozy yet still oozing sexiness and a little bit of mystery. I especially loved the leather jacket that hung over him. It made me want to throw myself into his arms and get lost in a sea of his kisses. My heart was fluttering, pathetically so, and it was almost impossible to breathe.

I saw his eyes travel up and down my body, stopping at certain places he wanted to linger a bit longer on. I waited nervously for him to say something, anything at all. He seemed to be stuck, his eyes fluctuating through thought processes and possible scenarios. I nibbled at my lip and casually looked over and Quinn and Jae. Jae looked quite handsome himself; a soft sweet rendition of a guy i didn't quite like and was surprised to see like this. He looked comfy in his hoodie and jacket combo. A warm beanie was perched on his head and his light wash jeans were a perfect compliment. His dimples were on full display along with his perfect teeth Quinn so happily gushed about. I could see them already swooning over him, and probably thinking of a way to get into his pants.

“You look,” My eyes cut back to Johnny as I heard his deep voice finally. “You look um...c-cute.” The olive tone of his skin flared with peachy pinks as soon as that word left his lips.

Cute.

This fuckboy thought I was cute. My heart was in my shoes, a melted puddle of teenage passion and urgency for romance. I giggled nervously and stared down at our feet, noticing his checkered vans and my black converses. “U-um...thank you. I think you look really handsome.” I tucked a stray hair back and gazed up at him. His expression was nothing short of flustered and he cleared his throat to break up the awkwardness.

“Are we just gonna stand here looking like idiots or are we gonna go? I need coffee.” He said.

Jaehyun broke from leaning against the doorframe and boldly took Quinn's hand. “Yeah, let's go. Johnny, you driving or am i?”

Johnny tossed his keys over to Jae who caught them with his free hand. “I'll just drive when we come back.”

Jae and Quinn started heading downstairs, leaving me to rush to get my purse and lock the door behind me. The minuscule walk down to the parking lot of the apartment complex was enough to keep the awkward silence between Johnny and I. I had no idea what I should say or if we should even strike up a conversation at all. I realized that i really didn't know much about him other than his traumatic past and insecurities surrounding it. It seemed trivial but even something like learning his favorite color was starting to become appealing to me. “So…”

He looked back at me from midway down the steps. “So?”

“Boba, huh?” I wish i couldn't speak.

“Yes? Boba?” He seemed just as confused as I was and i rushed to sprint the rest of the way to the car. It didn't take him long to catch up and we were in the back seat and on our way in practically seconds. I kept to my side of the seat against the door, leaving a gaping space between us. Quinn and Jae seemed lost in their own conversation that seemed as natural as the moon controlling the tides. I almost envied them. When the hell did they get so buddy buddy? I briefly looked over at Johnny who seemed to be more interested in gazing out the window then having any interaction with me. I shifted uncomfortably and slid one leg over the other. I adjusted my skirt a bit, trying to make sure I remained decent but it was just a little too short even for me.

I thought I felt Johnny's eyes on me but when i turned to glance at him, he was back to being distracted by the scenery outside his eyes. I checked my phone, trying to use it as a way to ignore my self deprecating and nervous thoughts as well as to make the time go by. It wasn't until Jae cut a harsh turn that I was sent flying from my sacred spot and into Johnny.

“Dude, chill with that!” Johnny reprimanded.

“My bad! Stupid GPS said it at the last second!” Jae replied.

I tried squirming away from Johnny but Jae's lead foot on the gas pedal was making it harder to adjust myself. I felt Johnny's hand grip at my waist almost as if he wanted to keep me close to him. “You okay?” He said in a hushed tone.

I nodded and tried not to look at the warm hazel of his eyes. “I guess your roommate is fuckin’ speed racer.”

“Yeah, he's not the best driver. He only got his license last year.”

I sat up, finally able to regain my balance when Jae's speeding evened out. I inched myself away from Johnny but found his strength keeping me plastered to him. His arm shifted from my waist to around my shoulders, leaving plenty of opportunity for my head to rest on his chest. I looked up at him but he still avoided me at all cost. Tentatively, i laid against him. I could hear the quick beats of his heart and couldn't help but wonder if he was nervous too.

What did we have to be nervous about? Getting to actually know each other? Hadn't we done that? Did he even want to learn about me? I guess it would be better to just keep it about sex even with him confiding in me. It would add layers to our fun and could attribute more to the fun we had in our fuck buddy relationship. But my heart remained in a place of wishful thinking and i was pleading for it to stop fucking with my rationality.

I tried to focus on the physicality of it all instead and I was trying to convince myself that a simple hookup was the main goal for today. Get good food, good Boba, and good dick. That would be all. Maybe the date (or fake date, whatever you wanted to call it) wouldn't last long and I could just go home and curl up in my room and stuff all my feelings away under lock and key. I sighed and pulled myself away from being stuck in my brain for a moment. I happened to notice the woodsy notes of his cologne while my head remained tucked under his chin. I craned my lips up to his neck, giving his warm skin a sheepish peck. The scent was of course stronger here and almost sent my head spinning.

Johnny finally looked at me for longer than a few seconds but he didn't say anything at first. He returned my neck kiss with a small press to my lips, giving my shoulder a small squeeze. I decided to speak and hoped that I wouldn't retreat back to my state of being a bumbling idiot. “You smell good.” Well….i could have definitely said something worse.

He chuckled lowly. “Yeah? You like it?” He kissed me again and my hand trailed upwards to cup his face. I simply nodded and closed my eyes, preferring to get lost in him than back in my own thoughts and feelings. I felt his long fingers fall to my knee, trailing higher and barely grazing over the top of my thigh highs where he stopped suddenly. There was tension within him now and i swore I could almost hear a low growl fall on my tongue. “Eri.” He said in a voice so stern my thighs clenched together in response.

“Yes?” I asked, rather innocently.

“You...you wore this on purpose, didn't you?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” I played innocently.

He sat back and scoffed, an unsurprised look on his face. I covered my mouth in an attempt to hide my giggle. “You're gonna get your little ass beat.” He whispered.

“Is that a threat or a promise, daddy?” I teased. He nudged me instantly, wide eyed and afraid that Jae or Quinn had heard me.

“Shut up!”

I giggled again turning into full blown laughter at his embarrassment. It was kind of cute to tease him like that even though during the thick of it I would be the more embarrassed one. Quinn turned around then, curious as ever. “What are you laughing at?”

Johnny and I both stiffened up as if we were being scolded in the back seat. My laugh died down a bit and I was able to finally talk. “N-nothing!” I squeaked.

Johnny fussed with his glasses and nervously pushed back his hair, not even acknowledging Quinn. They squinted, judging us and still wondering what had made me laugh. They didn't get to pry any further as Jae pulled into the parking lot of the small cafe. Johnny was the first to get out, not even bothering to wait for us. He just stuffed his hands in his coat pockets and headed towards the cafe door. I pouted, annoyed that he didn't even have the courtesy to wait for us. Jae was the one that held the door open for Quinn and I, leaving me to scowl at Johnny. He ignored me and headed towards the line, towering over the few people ahead of him. I stood by his side, looking over the menu, while Jae and Quinn joined the line behind us. 

As I was debating over Rosehip or Lavender flavors I felt a brush against my hand. I thought it may have been an accident but suddenly Johnny’s pinky was curled around mine. I glanced down, making sure I wasn't imagining it and was pleasantly surprised. I smiled for a second until I heard Jae whisper a teasing, “gayyyyy” while Quinn poked at my side. I swatted their hand away and shot both of them a glare which only made Quinn giggle again. The line moved then and Johnny and I stepped forward. He finally spoke to me. 

“Do you know what you want?”

“i can't decide between the Lavender or Rosehip one. Both are yummy. Maybe Rosehip and Strawberry? Wait, no, Lavender Vanilla.”

He crinkled his nose in disgust at my flavor choices. “Well, figure it out. We're next.”

“Hush! I know that!” I pouted. He moved up again and discarded my pinky in favor of grabbing his wallet out of his pocket. He ordered a coffee flavor then looked at me.

“Go.”

“Oh, right...uh...” I still had no idea what I wanted and panicked as I felt like I was holding up the line.

“Just order.” I shuffled my weight on either foot while finally deciding on the Rosehip Strawberry with bursting bubbles. I watched as he paid for us then stepped off to the side to wait for the drinks to be completed. “Wanna get a table?”

I nodded. “U-um...thanks for the…”

He looked at me for awhile to the point where I got a bit uncomfortable before kissing me on the cheek. “It's whatever. Go sit down.”

I touched the warm spot of my cheek where his lips had been and scurried away trying not to show my giddiness. Why was I acting so stupid over him? I plopped down at a table, sighing to myself as the others ordered and waited for the drinks. It was only a few more minutes before Johnny joined me, sliding the cup and big straw my way. We stood quiet as we stabbed our straws into the plastic, sipping slowly and glancing at our phones. I didn't know how to talk to him about normal stuff really and was sure I was going to continuously make a fool out of myself.

“So….what's your favorite color?”

He looked at me questioningly. “What?”

“Your favorite color...sorry, i'm just trying to make conversation.”

“Oh...blue. What's yours? Black?” He chuckled then took a sip of his tea.

“Pastel pink.”

He choked a bit then chewed through the pearls. “Wait, seriously?”

“Yes, why is that hard to believe? I happen to be a multifaceted person that likes a bunch of things. I like cute things, video games, anime, comics, a whole bunch of nerd crap. I'm not just a stereotype.”

“Well, do you still think I'm a stereotype?”

I sucked in air through my teeth before propping my chin in the palm of my hand. “Sometimes you can be. You're stubborn and hard headed and a jerk most of the time but sometimes you can be….cute.” I diverted my attention to my drink again, hoping that my compliment didn't make things more awkward.

“What's so cute about me?” He asked. His eyes were focused right on me now as if he truly wanted to know.

“Oh well...physically of personality wise?”

“You tell me, princess.”

I pouted at my title. I guess he was returning my tease from earlier. “Well, i like that you trust me. I like that you're willing to try things with me. I think your photography is nice and i’m glad you have a passion. I think that it's cute when you spoon me or hold my pinky like you do.”

His face brightened to a heavy rose color and he straightened up as soon as Jae and Quinn came to the table. Jae tossed the car keys onto the table and sat down beside Quinn, rather than across from one another like Johnny and I were. They barely seemed to pay attention to us or their drinks and instead got wrapped up in their own little world full of intense kisses. Johnny and I face palmed at the same time.

“Were in public.” I groaned. “Cut it out.”

“Don't ruin our fun just because you two are weird and awkward.” Jae said.

“If ya'll were just gonna make out why did we even come out here? I could've stayed home.” Johnny interjected.

“I still wanted bubble tea. And we can get food later. I'm just a bit preoccupied now.” Quinn said.

I rolled my eyes and diverted my attention back to my phone which was a better sight than our best friends sucking the soul out of one another.

Im ready to die why are they like this

I texted Johnny.

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: we should just ditch them tbh

Omg, we cant. They rode with us. How would they get back?

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: who cares lmao

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: they can figure it out later

Be nice. Theyre still our friends

But would you care if I got some food after this? Im starving

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: fuck yeah. Where do you wanna go babe?

I smiled and looked up at him. He glanced up at me and returned my smile before nodding back at his phone, waiting for me to answer. Somehow texting made the both of us more comfortable than talking face to face. Blame it on on our generations addiction to technology or rather our crippling social anxiety.

Not to be weeb trash but there’s a japanese book store around here and it’s over by a bakery and a restaurant. I go there all the time. They have the best fried chicken

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: lets do it then

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: btw i watched naruto so i know anime

I couldn’t help the snort that got coupled with my laughter. I covered my mouth when i noticed the gross sound which made Johnny laugh too. 

Oh my god, stop right there. I can’t believe you just said that!!!

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: I still remember like half of the opening songs

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: dont make me serenade you

There is nothing more I want in this world than you to sing fighting dreamers while squawking like a parrot

Literally nothing would turn me on more johnathan

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: lol, bet. You’re gonna get just that tonight

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: also you know my name is just john right lol

Not anymore. You’re forever johnathan

😂😂😂😂😂

Johnathan’s cute. I like johnathan

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕:  i like johnny. I have like 4 different names and thats the least fucking complicated one

I know what you mean, i have too many names too and I hate all of them.

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: there’s more than just Eri?

Way more unfortunately. My 1st name has 12 letters in it

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: wtf lol

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: what is it?

Never telling. Ever. its a dead name to me. Im just eri

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: boooo ur no fun

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: i’ll tell you my korean name if you tell me your full name

Absolutely not. If i tell you i’ll have to kill you. Thats the rule

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: does quinn know it?

Don’t bring them into this. Quinn knows a lot of things about me that must never be spoken of

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: ahh so you ARE a serial killer then

Shhhhhhh dont let anyone know.

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: i dont think i can hide the fact that youre a serial killer eri lol

I can hide you

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: why do I have a weird feeling that was your attempt at flirting with me

Please ignore me i dont know how to have actual normal conversations

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: apparently we can only have them about traumatic experiences and kinks

Thats basically the basis of a successful relationship duh

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: relationship?

You know what i mean

💕💕Big Dick Daddy💕💕: do i?

I looked up at him as he was casually sipping and waiting for my response. Before i could say something or even think of what to say, the chair screeched back and Quinn stood up suddenly. “I'm gonna go to the bathroom, i'll be right back.” They announced.

I shrugged. “Oh...alright. We'll be here.” I watched them walk off towards the restrooms in the back of the cafe and saw that Jae was doing the same.

“I gotta piss too..” He left then too, following Quinn in a half jog, and i wanted to scream. Really? Right now? Right in front of my boba? I rolled my eyes and sighed.

“They're going to go fuck.” I said, when he was out of ear shot.

Johnny looked back at the direction of the bathrooms then back at me. “Time to get food then.” He stood up and grabbed the keys from the center of the table. “Come on.”

“Wait, no we really shouldn't!” I protested. “I'd feel bad if we left them here.”

“Do you feel bad that they ditched us to fuck in the bathroom?”

“Well….maybe not so much.”

“Than come on.”

I grabbed my drink and followed after Johnny as he headed back to the car. We got in and I directed him to the bookstore, our conversation still at a minimum. After we arrived, he resumed holding my pinky and following me as i strung him along to look at stationery and the large collection of manga on the upper floor. I wanted to buy everything and practically cried when I saw my fave series or even a figure that i was desperate to have. Johnny seemed to get a kick out of every time I geeked out and listened patiently when I explained something to him like an overly excited teenager. He even told me about some of the anime’s he used to watch as a kid, a few we had in common.

I took him down another row of filled shelves looking for a specific title I had in mind. This section was only filled with the Japanese prints making Johnny question my intentions. "You can't read Japanese. Don't they have English ones?"

"Mhm," i nodded as i bent over slightly searching for the right volume. "It's for Yuta. He's collecting My Hero Academia right now. I wanted to see if they had the next volume he needs."

"Hm." He scoffed. "Yuta."

"There's nothing wrong with looking for something for a friend."

"Never said there was. It's whatever."

I finally found the volume and snapped a quick picture of it to send to Yuta and asked him to come back down here when he had time. I started searching for another series he had in mind of starting when i felt something creep up my thigh. Johnny was behind me now, his fingers just barely under my skirt and rubbing across the band of my thigh highs. I straightened up and swatted at him. "Quit being a perv!" He smirked and set a kiss on my lips holding it long enough for me to worry about our PDA. "Dont make us like Quinn and Jae!" I whispered harshly.

"Sorry, i won't. I just needed it."

"Needed a kiss?"

He shrugged and kissed me again, this time quicker before he moved away from me and disappeared to another aisle leaving me to stay flustered. I grumbled and switched to find the English volumes of the manga section but got distracted by a rack of Rilakkuma plushies. The adorable teddy bear was one of my vices and I had spent more than I needed too on a few of the plushies here. There was one in particular that I didn't have that shone like a beacon of light in the sea of others. I crushed the plushie to my chest, happy at how soft and perfectly squishable it was. I looked at the price tag and winced, setting my dream plush down and retreating to the manga which i could afford.

I wasted almost a half hour mulling over which series I should buy- one i was close to finishing or another I had always wanted to collect. I sighed and picked the cheaper option, which still made me happy. I needed a new job asap but it was slim pickings in this stupid college town and the surrounding areas. I was flipping through the volume in my hand when Johnny appeared beside me, startling me.

"Hey, not to be a buzzkill but I'm hungry as fuck. Would you care if we went to go eat now?"

"Oh yeah! Sorry, i was reading through some of the volumes and got distracted with deciding what I wanted. We can go." I noticed he had a bag in his hand as he had apparently bought something. "Found something you liked?"

He simply nodded and i tried to sneak a peek to see what it was. He yanked the bag away and held it high above his head where he knew he couldn't reach. "Don't be nosey. Go pay for your stuff." He kissed the top of my head and I pouted before walking to the register and paying. The restaurant wasn't too far from the bookstore so we took the scenic route, walking hand in hand. I loved the way his fingers engulfed mine and made my entire hand disappear. I gave him a few squeezes to guide him in a new direction until we arrived. I pulled the door open for us and kept our hands entwined as we went to the line to order again.

Almost a half hour later we were still eating and actually laughing and having a flowing conversation. His laugh was so charmingly awkward that it resembled music to my ears. I could listen to him talk all day when he was passionate about something, his little lisp becoming more adorable to me by the second. I watched every motion his mouth made, falling into my secret oral fixation and noticing everything i found attractive- his overbite, his lisp again, his tongue reaching out to lick his lips, the small hiss he made as he sucked in air through his teeth when he was trying to think of something, and every once in awhile when he would sink his teeth into his bottom lip. He quirked an eyebrow at me, stopping mid sentence.

"What are you looking at?"

I snapped myself out of my daydream like state. "N-nothing, i'm just listening to you."

"I feel like you're staring, you weirdo." He chucked the balled up straw wrapper at me and i returned with my napkin ammo.

"I was not staring! I was just interested in what you were saying but now you're just being a jerk."

"I am not, whiny princess. I could just tell. Do i have something stuck in my teeth? Sauce on my face?"

I shook my head. "Nope, you're all clean."

He nudged his foot against my leg from beneath the table. "Then tell meeee."

"You'll laugh at me!"

"I'll always laugh at you but it's all in good fun."

I sighed and set my hands on my forehead, making a visor of my fingers and trying to block him from looking at me directly. "It's just a thing i have with mouths, ok?"

"Fuck, was i chewing too loud or something?"

I shook my head. "No it wasn't really when you were eating food it was more like when you were talking and stuff. It's just...a thing I have."

"I don't get it…"

"It's like a….like a fixation, ok? Can we move on before i embarrass myself more?"

"Fixation? Is this like a kink thing again?" He asked.

"No...a little. But not really I suppose. Just stuff I find attractive that draws me in i guess."

"So you just like notice stuff I do with my mouth?"

I set my head on the table wondering why i couldn't be a normal human being who didn't make a fool of themselves when they were with a boy they liked (read: loved). "Y-yeah…"

"So what did you notice, i'm curious. Is this more stuff that you think is cute about me? Hmm?"

"Yes...for the most part."

"Then tell me."

I sighed again and kept my voice low. "I watched you chew on your fork while you were talking. And i like your lisp."

"Please no."

I looked up at him and he was covering his mouth instantly. Great. Now i freaked him out for good. "'M sorry." I grumbled.

"I hate my lisp, it's the worst. Why do you even think it's cute?"

I shrugged. "I dont know. Maybe because i think you're cute. Maybe because i like how it adds to your accent. Maybe i'm just extra weird."

"You're the first person to ever tell me that, you know."

"I figured as much. I don't mention it often because it weirds people out. So, again, i'm sorry."

He chucked the napkin back at me making me look up at him. "What you think is weird is your normal. And hell yeah i think you're weird but you're interesting too. You keep me guessing and I never have any idea what you’re gonna say or make me feel next.” Johnny looked down at the small amount of food he had left and poked at it with his fork, taking his turn to avoid looking at me.

“Correct me if i’m wrong but are you being nice to me, Johnathan?”

“Don’t be gross.” He laughed. “You’re cute too, i guess.”

“Thanks, i’m flattered.” I rolled my eyes playfully and stood up. “I’ll be back, I’m gonna use the bathroom.”

“Sure, you don’t want me to come with you?” He joked.

“Please don’t. I actually have to pee.” I nudged his head as I walked by him and headed towards the bathroom. I checked my phone to see if Quinn had texted me or noticed that we were gone. There was nothing but an excited text from Yuta along with a kissy face selfie. I responded to him and finished up quickly before returning back to the table. I stopped when I was about to sit down as i was face to face with the Rilakkuma plush I had wanted back at the bookstore. “What did you do?”

Johnny shrugged. “I saw you looking at it so...i don’t know. I thought you might want it.”

“You...you didn’t have to…” I whispered. I was practically speechless and couldn’t even move. I just kept staring at it. I had never once expected him to do anything like this for me. This made everything absolutely worse. Not only did I have feelings for him but now he was being adorable and sweet and thoughtful. What a fuckin’ asshole! This was the last thing I needed from someone who only saw me as a fuck buddy. It was also going to mess with my head and my heart more and I was a total glutton for punishment. What the hell was I going to do with myself?

“Do you like it? You’re looking at it like it’s a bomb.”

I finally sat down and swiftly took the plush off the table and held it in my lap. “Thank you.”

“It’s not problem. I got a keychain too. One where he’s sleeping.”

“You got a Rilakkuma keychain?” I asked, stunned.

He unclipped it from his belt loop and held it up for me to see. “Yeah, why not? I liked it.”

“I just...didn’t peg you for a guy that would buy a stuffed animal for himself.”

“It kinda reminds me of you.”

We both looked at each other not sure of what had transpired. We were frozen in place and I could almost hear my heart thundering between my ears. I squeezed onto one of the plush ears trying to stabilize my anxious thoughts. Johnny swallowed hard and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something but a loud vibration of his phone on the table scared us both. I saw that it was Jae calling and Johnny picked it up.

“Dude, where the fuck are you!?’ I could hear him yelling through the phone.

“We left. We weren’t going to wait for you two to finish fucking and being gross.”

“Come back here and get us!”

“No way. You guys can find your own way home. Eri and I are going back to her place and then we’re gonna fuck.”

“Shut up!” I whispered harshly. “We can just go pick them up. It’s not big deal.”

Johnny shook his head at me, holding the phone a bit aways from his ear as Jae continued to yell. “No way in hell.” He mouthed at me.

I kicked at him under the table and gave him a stern look. “Go back.”

“They don’t deserve it.” Johnny hung up on his best friend and got up from the table. “C’mon. Let’s get going.” He grabbed our trays and tossed the garbage in the trash while i gathered my plush and purse.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that? We’re never going to hear the end of it.”

“And? It’s time for us to have our own fun now. Don’t worry about them.” He pulled me close to him and kissed me. “You ready?”

I knew it was wrong to leave Quinn and Jae behind butttt a part of me was still annoyed that they ditched us to go fuck. At least Johnny and I were going to hook up in the sanctity of my apartment and not in the middle of hanging out with friends. Besides, I did want to spend some alone time with him now. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have some fun of our own. “Yeah, I’m ready Johnny.”

--

“Jesus, it's cold in here!” I said as i opened the door to my apartment. “I'm gonna get a blanket for us if you wanna find something to watch.”

“Sure.” Johnny shrugged and kicked off his shoes as he sat down on the couch. I went to my room and tossed my purse and plush on my bed before gathering my fleece blanket. I nudged my own shoes off and made my way back to the couch, barely being able to see with the blanket balled up in my face. Just as i was hoping that i wouldn't trip, my foot caught onto Johnny's vans and i almost landed face first on the floor. He caught me instantly though and I was plenty grateful. Knowing my luck i would’ve slammed my head on the side of the coffee table. “And you think I’m clumsy.”

“Shush!” I said, pawing at his hands on my waist. “You shouldn't have left your clown shoes in the way!” He forced me to face him, my body poised between his legs and hands firmly on my hips. “What?”

He remained silent and gently eased me forward as he relaxed back into the couch. I got the message and crawled into his lap, straddling him. His lips busied themselves with pressing tender kisses to my neck while his hands crawled along my thighs. The gentle actions were enough to make me shiver just a bit. I pushed his hair back gently and took his wire frames between my fingers, pulling them away from his face. He blinked a few times as if his eyes had to readjust. I reclined back to set them onto the coffee table before returning my attention to him. “Well…” I began. “Here we are.”

“I've been wanting to fuck you all day you know that?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, i get it. The thigh highs. You're a slut.” I pouted. “I kinda...maybe…” I lowered my voice to just above a whisper. “I didn't mind hanging out with you today. I had a really nice time.” I was already kicking myself but i couldn't bare to hide my disappointment of my own true feelings. I did have fun with him. He made me laugh, genuinely laugh, and feel good. And the Rilakkuma he bought me would be something I cherished for a long time. I liked our date but I couldn't ask him out again, especially if he just wanted to fuck. Of course, that was my intention at the beginning as well but as usual I got caught up in trivial things that made me feel like I was actually important to someone.

“O-oh…” he said as if he wasn't even sure how to respond. I kept my gaze casted downward as my fingers twiddled away at a stray thread hanging from his shirt. “I mean...it was like cool and all I guess.”

He guessed. It stung. It really did. Even after the hand holding, kissing, and buying me things I was still nothing. But at least I knew what i was good for with him. “Yeah...Do you wanna….just get to watching stuff?”

He set his curled index finger beneath my chin and raised my head. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing's wrong, I'm fine.” I pushed his hand away and went to crawl off his lap but he instantly seized my waist again.

“Eri.” I hated the way his voice sounded when he was stern and reprimanding. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and had my whole body melting into gooey mess.

“What?” I grunted.

“Tell me.”

“It’s nothing! I just thought you-it's stupid just forget about it.”

“Eri.” There it was again. Still after all these months his voice still drew me back in. I rolled my eyes and practically whined, despising that he was trying to make me talk about how i felt when he was the king of emotional suppression. It just wasn’t fair.

I tugged on the loose thread again, pulling it from the shirt completely. “I thought maybe you would've liked our date...the hang out thing I mean.”

“What makes you think i didn't?”

“You just said ‘it was cool and all i guess’. It sounds like you didn’t give a shit about it at all…”

“You want me to care about a date?”

“Yes! Wait, no! No, i do not.”

He raised a brow and squinted his eyes in confusion. “You don't?”

“I just- will you let me go? I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. Let's just fuck and get it over with.” I tried prying at his hands but he still wouldn't let me go, even when I started squirming.

“Eri.”

“Stop saying my name like that!” I snapped. I was failing at making it look like he wasn’t capable of making me lose my sanity. 

“Say it like what?”

“Like all….UGH! You're frustrating!”

“I think you're frustrating yourself.” He chuckled which made my entire face heat up.

“I am not! I don't care if you don't care about the date but was it even a date like i had a really good time but you didn't and now i feel all weird and i don't wanna feel weird but i do and you're just here just not caring and i don't know! Ok?! I don't know!” I rambled in one breath.

“Shut up, you idiot.” He cupped my face in his hands, practically engulfing my entire head before pulling me to his lips. He was right of course. I was frustrating myself and letting my emotions mix with my anxiety to create this brutal concoction of frustration and confusion. I wanted to push him away so i could breathe and probably run away yet he was taking his sweet time as if he needed every caress of my lips. “I did have a good time.” He licked at the soft fullness of them before landing another kiss  “A really good time. Why are you worried that I didn't?”

“Fuck if i know.” I whimpered. “You're fucking with my head.”

“Welcome to my world.” He pushed my hair away from my neck and planted kisses along my jugular. “Also do you not like it when i say your name?” His breath was dangerously close to my ear, his words a whisper that made my fingers dig into his shoulders harder.

“You were saying it all...harsh and commanding.”

“Did it scare you? I didn't mean to.”

I shook my head. “N-no. It um...actually turned me on.”

“Oh.” He pulled away from me. “Is it...like part of the daddy thing? Am i doing a good job? I really didn't notice.” He was blushing now but a small smile was creeping onto his lips as if he was proud of himself.

I returned the smile, my head feeling just a bit clearer. My ability to overthink everything was annoying when it swallowed my entire thought process. But his words were comforting enough to encourage me to breath and relax against him. “Yeah, you did a good job. You know you're kind of already a bit dominant right?”

“Uh really? I just thought I was being normal.”

“Remember your normal isn't the same as everyone else's. You just didn't notice or it seemed natural to you. It works. I also kinda like how growly you get.”

“Growly? I notice i do do that sometimes. I d-dont really mean to…” he said softly.

“Do it more often. Like a lot more often but don't force it. I like it when you do it when you’re fucking me from behind.”

“Wow uh, well ok.” He laughed nervously and darted his eyes away from me. “I will um...try and keep that in mind. For next time.”

“Now, you mean?” I set my hands on his chest and rubbed at the firm muscles beneath his shirt.

“Well...y-yeah, i guess.”

“It was your idea. Thigh highs remember.”

His gaze went back to my thighs instantly. “How could i fucking forget.” He slid his hands under my skirt and grabbed at my ass roughly. “What else do you have underneath here?”

“Do you think i'm going to show you that easily?” I smirked.

“You will. Get up.”

I ignored him and instead buried my face in his neck to give him small bites and licks. He didn't seemed too pleased with that as he landed a harsh smack to my ass, making me hiss. "F-fuck...jerk."

"Get up, Eri."

I shimmed off him and stood between his legs as he resumed his reclined position and rested his arms across the back of the couch. Slowly, i unzipped the back of my skirt, pulling away the suspenders and letting it fall to the floor. I pulled my shirt over my head, adjusting my hair once it was free and let him drink in the small fitting lingerie set. His eyes widened and his adam's apple bobbed within the tightness of his throat.

"What?" I started covering myself, suddenly becoming self conscious.

"W-wow…" was all he said.

"Wow, what?"

"Sorry, you just look…" he licked his lips and opened his legs a little wider. "You look hot."

"O-oh...” Was all I really managed to say. He took my hips in his hands again, pulling me gently to sit on the couch beside him. He caressed every inch of me while his lips crept closer to mine until they melted together. I trailed my hands beneath his shirt rubbing the softness of his stomach and begging to get it off so I could drink in his perfect body. Instead, he ignored my prying hands and pushed me down gently. I slipped one of the pillows that always resided on the couch behind my head while Johnny settled himself between my thighs. He focused his attention in trailing hot open mouth kisses and bites over my chest and winding down my stomach. Every bite was coupled with a soothing lick and a small whimper from me. I edged my hips up towards his mouth wanting him to mark my favorite spots. He dodged pleasing the place I wanted the most and grabbed a hold of my right thigh. He lifted my leg up to meet his lips and spent minutes on end kissing and rubbing every inch of it. I relaxed into his touches, feeling myself heat up at all the attention. “If this is how you’re gonna act every time I wear thigh highs then I’ll wear them more often.” I teased.

His eyes flickered up towards me but he remained silent. His lips went back to my inner thigh, kissing down to hover over my center, his bangs gently masking his face. I nibbled my lip nervously, wondering exactly what he was thinking and planning. The kiss was swift, pressed just above my clit and gone in an instant. I didn't ask him for more. That little act was enough progress for him and I couldn't help but feel a little bit proud. I smiled as I petted his hair back, whispering praises about how good he was making me feel. Again, he said nothing, seeming to be completely focused on giving the same attention to my left leg. His fingers danced across the soft fabric on my calf as his lips remained heated and eager. When he reached my ankle, he sat back on his knees and I heard the soft zip of his pants coming undone. He pulled off his button up, followed by his undershirt, yanking it up by the the collar and leaving them both by his shoes.

I pulled him close to me so we were flush together and wasted no time feeling the strong muscles in his arms. We locked eyes for a moment, smiling at one another before diving head first into another heated session of push and pull of our tongues. His hand rested over my neck, alternating between adding and releasing pressure while his hips ground into my budding wetness. I squeezed my legs around him, finding it a bit difficult to work around the minimal space we had on the couch. He didn't seem to care though and he was perfectly content with keeping his big body against me. I took in every degree of his warmth, grateful as i was about to be stark naked in a cold apartment.

"Take them off." I whispered between a kiss and suck to my tongue. I pulled at the nearest belt loop my fingers could reach. He let out a breathy sigh and worked them off. I could already see how filled out his boxer briefs were. The fabric was straining around him, barely keeping him in place. "Did my thigh highs turn you on that much?"

He didn't answer and instead buried his face in my neck while his hands worked my panties down around my ankles. After, he pulled my hand between us, setting it over his hardness. His breath cradled my ear in a plea. "Touch me." He whispered. My free hand dug into his hair while the other pulled the waistband down and set him free. He seemed thankful to finally get a bit of relief and the beautiful moan that he let out when i wrapped my hand around him was enough to almost make me cum right there. I shuddered a bit as that noise tickled my nerves and sent me into a fit of desperate hormones ready to take in every single inch of him.

He was already leaking so much that i could coat his sensitive skin with smooth glides and gentle squeezes. His teeth sunk into my collarbone, pinching my skin between the perfect rows and adding tenderness to the area. I flexed my fingers around his head, focusing rough pulls there as he started rutting his hips. He matched my pumps almost perfectly, shuddering curse words and vocal approvals into my skin. I eased his cock closer and he shifted his hips to press against my lower lips. My eyes fluttered closed as he rocked himself through my slickness. I circled my hips each time the tip of his cock flowed over my clit and ignited my lustful greed for him. A stiffer groan bubbled in his throat as he grabbed my hips firmly, keeping me steady so he could control all the movements. That small bit of control made me squirm beneath him, impatiently wanting to feel more of his fire fueled veins ride through my lips.

My thighs trembled ever so slightly, feeling the ridge of his head tease my clit once more. I let out a small mewl and felt as the mellow rocks of his hips slowed so he could press himself against my entrance. “W-wait, Johnny.” I pleaded.

“Hm?” He stopped entirely, waiting for me.

“We should use a...ya know.”

“What for? We’ve already done it without one.”

“Yeah but I don’t want to make a habit out of it. I’d rather be safe than sorry, ok?”

He sighed and bowed his head before getting up from the couch. “They’re in that box still, right?”

“Yeah.” I said softly. He wasn’t going to guilt me into fucking him again without a condom. I didn’t play that, no matter how good it felt only a week ago (or how much I kept thinking about it for that matter). While I waited for him to return I slipped my hand between my thighs, coating myself in my wetness and pressing two fingers inside. I sighed softly and closed my eyes, concentrating on the self pleasure. A few moments later, I felt the couch dip again and heard him chuckle lowly.

"Please. Don't let me interrupt." He kissed my knee and kept my thighs wide open to enjoy the view. I adjusted myself a bit lower on the couch and added a third finger before stretching myself open for him to see. I moved my fingers up towards my clit adding a few circles against it that made my back arch. I felt Johnny hover over me, taking my chin in his hand and making me face him. "You're not gonna cum like that."

"I know i'm not." I smirked and set my cum coated fingers in my mouth, enjoying the way his eyes widened and pupils dilated at the sight. I grabbed his ass, pulling him to me again before forcing myself down onto his length. He pressed me wide open, stretching me and filling me perfectly. His bottom lip was caught in his teeth and he moved my legs to rest on his shoulders. I had no idea what possessed him with the thought that I was some sort of contortionist pretzel but as soon as i felt him hit deep within me my eyes fluttered closed once more and i clutched onto his arms. I could barely handle it. Every move he made was  absolutely flawless and heavy with lust that it made me moan more than i'd ever done before.

My breath was barely existent and he took the opportunity to capture me in another kiss, digging his fingers into my hair to keep me close. He seemed different somehow. More attentive, more touchy, more focused on us. It was like he wanted to spend hours within me and torturing me with orgasm after orgasm. He began rolling his hips, my calves jerking and toes curling around his head. I whispered his name against his lips, a scarcely audible beg for him to never stop. The sensation was so overwhelming i could feel tears edging to my waterline.

"You feel so fucking amazing, Eri." He said as his brows furrowed and sweat beaded across his temples. My body warmed at his praise, rolling against him to beg for more for more and clawing at the back of the couch. "C-can i try something?"

I raised a brow, confused at the timing of his sudden question. "H-huh? What? I don’t want you to stop, please."

"No, i know, me either but...i thought you might like this." He removed his arms from keeping himself propped above me and instead clamped one around my throat and the other over my mouth. He dug his fingers into my neck sending a shock wave to my system. My eyes widened as I never excepted him to get so into choking me. I was sure that he was still tentative to the whole action but the fact that he was doing this for me made my heart flutter with the prospect of love once more. "Is this ok?"

I nodded eagerly, tapping at his hips to remind him to keep fucking me as he took every breath from my lungs. My head dove into a fuzzing space of semi consciousness and pleasure, drowning in my deprivation. My walls clenched tight, holding the pressure and sucking him in as if he could go any further within me. His entire frame shuddered and his palm pressed harder into me, sinking against my windpipe. I worked my hips back against him, a bit quicker as i needed the fast pace to add to my imminent orgasm.  "Mo-more?" He asked softly, through his uneven breaths.

All i could do was nod again, helplessly, as my scream was blocked out by the hand over my mouth and he plowed into me relentlessly. I could barely keep my sanity let alone my orgasm at bay, especially when his movements were coupled with those deep groans he made. My lungs were aching at this point and my stomach tightened. Every muscle in my lower half tensed and just as I tapped his forearm to free myself from his restriction, my back arched and sent my body into a spasm. It was intense, definitely more intense than my previous orgasms with him and I gulped down heavy breaths just to keep myself from going dizzy. He pulled me into his arms, keeping me against his chest and cradling my head as if to steady me. "Ssh, i got you." He said.

The light above me was blinding and i blinked rapidly as another shock wave zipped through me from head to toe. He edged my legs down from his shoulders leaving me to finally relax a bit more. I clutched onto him and squeezed my eyes so tight i could see colors flashing in the darkness of my lids. It took another minute or two until i had calmed down enough, feeling like a bit of a fool for having to completely recover from an orgasm. I hid myself in his shoulder, hoping he wouldn't think it was weird. He kissed my neck, my cheek, then my temple, before pulling away so my chest could fully expand.

"Can you get on your knees for me?" He asked as he sat back again. I instantly looked down at his cock which seemed to be painfully swollen and throbbing just a tiny bit. I wanted to take care of him and slowly eased myself up into his favorite position. It wasn't easy, especially with my legs feeling like utter jello but i managed to get there. I gripped the armrest and spread my knees to the width of the couch cushion. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed into me, making me wince. He stopped and slowed a bit, giving time for my tender walls to readjust to his girth. My shoulders dipped and i bowed my head, panting as he worked my hips back against him. I shifted a bit until it felt comfortable again.

He slid his warm hands up my sides to between my shoulders, unclipping my bra and pulling it down towards my wrists. I flung it away and let him engulf my breast in his hands, kneading harshly and pressing his torso against me. He held onto me tight and forced brutal thrusts into me, barely allowing me to keep up. I was already becoming a giant mess of emotions and couldn't bare another breathtaking orgasm no matter how much I craved it. I curled my nails into the fabric of the couch as I felt his thumb rub over my nipple between rough gropes. I breathed out his name like a swear and dipped my stomach downwards, allowing him to nudge at the sensitive bundle of nerves only a few inches within me. Every once in awhile he would pop out completely, just to fuck me ever so slightly with his tip before crashing back in. That simplistic addition was practically making my eyes roll into the back of my head.

I could already feel myself tiptoeing on that fine line of a second orgasm but I was holding back as much as i could. With the way his muscles were flexing against me I could tell he was trying not to lose his cool just yet either but was very close to failing. "Johnny…" I mewled and wiggled my hips back against him, trying to coax him to spill into the condom. He growled low and deep within his throat, naturally and without thought, as I looked back to see him still in deep concentration. I bit my lip and smirked to myself over my favorite sound he made.

"OH MY GOD!" 

My perfect fantasy world was ripped apart when my eyes flew open and i was staring directly at Quinn and Jae who had come in through the front door. I screamed and scrambled to get the discarded blanket from the floor and pull it to my chest. Johnny quickly pulled out and balled up his clothes to try and shield himself from view. "ERI! RIGHT ON THE COUCH?!"

I could tell my face was beat red and i had no idea what to even say. Jae was covering his eyes, avoiding us at all cost. "Dude, gross. Put some clothes on!"

"Shut up! You weren't supposed to be here!" Johnny yelled.

"THIS IS MY HOUSE TOO! FIRST YOU DITCH US AT THE BOBA PLACE AND NOW YOU’RE FUCKIN’ OUT IN THE OPEN?!” Quinn continued to yell.

“Excuse me! You guys were being gross and LEFT US to go fuck in the bathroom first! We had every right to leave you because we weren’t going to wait until ya’ll got your rocks off!” I yelled back.

“Can ya’ll like...leave? I don’t even want to sit on the couch now.” Jae said, peeking between his fingers.

“Fuck you, dude!” Johnny got up, still holding his clothes in front of him. “Fuckin’ idiots.” He turned and headed towards my room making Jae groan when he saw Johnny’s ass.

“Bro! Come onnnnnnnnnn! Gross!” He groaned.

“Well what the fuck do you want me to do, huh?! It’s kinda difficult to put skinny jeans on with a goddamn hard on!”

I got up as well, in no mood to continue to be in front of them and wanting to shrink away immediately. I wrapped the blanket around myself and sprinted to push Johnny into my room and slam the door shut. I threw myself face down on my bed and screamed into my pillow. “I want to fucking die!”

Johnny tossed his clothes to the floor and crawled in beside me, pulling my spare pillow over his face and groaning. “Why are they like this? Why do they always have to ruin everything, i swear to god!”

“Please put me out of my misery. I can’t believe Jae saw me naked. Not only naked but getting fucking plowed!”

“I swear if he mentions anything about the way you looked i’m decking him in the face.” Johnny snapped.

“Wait do you think i looked gross? Oh my god, i probably looked gross.”

“Why are you worrying what he thinks?!”

“Well, i mean- if i’m gonna be naked in front of someone I at least want to look good!” I buried my face deeper into the mattress, mumbling a “nevermind.” Johnny pulled the pillow off his face and sighed. He snapped off the condom, tossing it into the trash beside my desk as I finally pulled my face up from the mattress. He set the pillow under his head and stared at the ceiling a permanent scowl on his face. I inched my way closer and set my head on his chest, sighing deeply. “What are we going to do now?”

He set an arm behind his head and looked over at me. “I don’t know. I’m not going back out there. Maybe i’ll just nap or some shit.”

I bit my lip. “I mean...We could finish…”

“Are you really still worked up after getting embarrassed like that?"

"Well they're not gonna see us in here! And i'd rather not think about what Quinn is gonna say about seeing your whole ass when you go home and I have to face them."

He ran both if his hands over his face and groaned again. "Christ…"

"Besides they act like I've never done shit on the couch! I gave Lucas a blowjob there!"

Johnny glared at me before rolling over. "Seriously?"

"What?" I asked confused. "What happened?"

He adjusted himself as best he could and didn't say another word. I shook his shoulder gently. "Whaaaattt?" He still didn't say anything which made me pout. "Johnny, why are you being grumpy?"

He shrugged me off his shoulder but I set my head on it instead. "Daddyyyy, tell me." I rubbed his chest and slid my hand down his stomach.

"Dont even." He grumbled.

"Then tell me."

"I'm fine."

I kissed at his shoulder then moved to his neck. "Nah-uh. You got all grumpy all of a sudden and i need to know why." I tiptoed my fingers lower, trailing down his body hair to grip his base. He grunted and still tried to ignore me. I made a hard bite just beneath his jaw before grabbing a handful of his hair and pulling back harshly. He hissed and grabbed at my wrist. "Tell me." I commanded. His eyes turned into slits as he gave me a death glare before tackling me, however with my bed being so small, we completely rolled over and fell onto the floor with a hard thud. I landed on top of him, straddling his lap. We looked at each other and burst into laughter.

"We can't win, can we?" I giggled.

"I guess not." He smiled as he pulled me down onto his chest and kissed me, pushing my hair out of my face. "I took the condom off because I figured you wouldn't wanna keep going."

"Hmm, i could go all night with you." I gave him a kiss and he rose to prop himself of his elbows.

"Well damn, i'm all for that." He smirked.

I shimmied off him and grabbed another from my box, eager to get back into action. He got up from the floor and back onto the bed while i tore the wrapper open and got between his knees. "You know...it was really hot when you choked me like that."

"I could tell you really liked it. I thought you were having an exorcism with the way you came so hard."

I rolled my eyes and blushed. "Don't flatter yourself too much." I rolled the rubber onto him and pushed him down onto the bed. He dragged me with him, positioning me to be his little spoon and pulling my legs open. I bit my lip and hid shyly into my pillow as he guided himself back into me. He sighed softly against my heated skin and kept my leg secured in his arm. I encouraged his thrusts, grinding myself back against him while his other arm slipped under my head and crossed over my neck, crushing my throat once more. I gripped the blanket beneath me tight, trying to steady myself in any way possible. Johnny bit at the back of my neck, keeping his control over me. I let out a strangled whimper when his hips sped up, snapping harshly against my ass.

I gripped at his hand that rested by my propped up leg and carried his fingers to my wetness. I wanted attention to my excited bundle of nerves but instead I felt his middle finger press into me in conjunction with his cock. I arched against him as that little extra addition stretched me further than i thought I could ever go. My fingers flexed with tension, practically shaking as my mind went blank. I could barely make out his cocky strangled whispers as I slipped closer towards another orgasm. He was curling his finger as much as he could while digging deep to the hilt inside me. I was squirming desperately and clamping down around him. He moaned my name deeply after a hard clench, his cock throbbing with his release. As he filled me, he slipped his finger out and gently rubbed at my clit, adding to the sensitivity. His hold across my neck loosened and i laid my head back on his shoulder, feeding into the loving attention. He stayed within me, his warmth filling my lower half while my cum covered him completely with my second orgasm, slightly dripping down between my cheeks.

We laid together for awhile, not saying much while we recuperated our breaths. He set my leg down and instead wrapped his arm around my waist keeping his chest pressed against me. I sighed and joined my fingers with his, giving his hand a slight squeeze. He nuzzled the back of my neck and stayed like that, drifting into sleep. It took me a bit longer to try and rest and i found myself distracted by the Rilakkuma plush that had fallen to the floor. I stretched my arm all the way out, reaching for it while trying not to disturb Johnny too much. My fingertips just barely grabbed it by the ear and I pulled it close, snuggling it to my chest.

I felt happy, more so than I was used to and the fact that it was caused by Johnny scared me the most.

--

We had spent days texting each other, sending stupid memes, videos, and sweet good morning snapchats. He would occasionally send me short clips of him playing around on his keyboard which made me feel warm with hope that he was getting his creativity back. I dared to share videos of me practicing guitar but never me singing. I was always out of frame too as i was still too shy to show him all of me. Quinn would grill me every time i stopped whatever i was doing to answer him immediately. Those little messages were starting to carry a lot of weight and even more so when they turned into late night facetime sessions or the occasional phone sex. I had even saved a selfie of him as his contact photo that would pop up every time he called.

Our little bit of free time was spent together, watching shows on Netflix, episode by episode, or even having online Overwatch matches where we would curse each other out. I never wanted to be healer and he wouldn't cover me when i needed him most. It was a pain but still proved to be a good time and we almost always ended up laughing in the midst of battle. He was even patient with listening to some of my band recommendations though he still wasn't too keen on some of the heavier stuff I listened too. I appreciated him trying though. It would suck when we would have to work and couldn't pay attention to our phones to respond as much. Tonight was one of those nights. I knew he was closing at the cafe and i was eagerly waiting for his response for when we could hang out next. Somewhere around 10:30 i got a phone call from him instead.

"Heyyyyyy beauutifullll." He said with such saccharine sweetness i knew he was up to something.

"What do you want?" I said flatly, needing to get past his little cover up.

"So...remember like a week or so ago when we went to get Boba and left Jae and Quinn at the place?"

"Yes?"

"So….he kinda got back at me."

"What do you mean?"

I heard him sigh deeply. "So this morning he said something was wrong with his car and asked to borrow mine. He promised to take me to work and pick me up while he tried to figure out what was wrong. Well i've been trying for like over a half hour to call him and even tried Quinn but neither one of them are answering. And uh...this isn't my pay week so I'm broke as fuck and cant afford an uber. Sooo….would you be able to come pick me up?"

"See, i told you we should've gone back to get them! But noooo, you had to be so headass about it!"

"Yeah yeah! Save your 'i told you so's'. Can you just pick me up? Please? It's cold out here and I'm freezing my ass off. It's starting to snow."

I sucked my teeth. "Fine. You owe me."

"I'll steal you some cake pops and breakfast sandwiches tomorrow."

"Deal. Give me 10 minutes. I'll be there."

"Thanks, you're awesome."

"No shit." I smiled. "I'll see you."

He hummed a goodbye and we hung up. I pulled on my fleece lined sweatpants and my winter layers before trudging out to my car. There was only a thin layer of snow on the windshield so i thankfully didn't have to stand outside and dust it off. I cranked up the heat as soon as I got in and headed towards his job. It didn't take me long to see his dark figure in the stillness of the parking lot. He ran up to the car, his breath visible puffs and nose bright red.

"Fuck, it's cold! Thanks, babe." He climbed in and shut the door and I noticed he looked completely drained and tired. His dark circles were more prominent and his smile seemed a bit forced.

"Are you ok?" I asked, concerned.

"Huh? Yeah, i guess. Why?"

"You seem like you could pass out at any minute. Have you been getting enough sleep?"

He chuckled. "Uh, no. When do I ever? I'm running on coffee and energy drinks."

"That isn't good Johnny…" i set my hand over his. "You need a break."

"Yeah tell my bosses that. It ain't gonna happen, princess."

"Have you eaten?"

"Don't have money too. Too busy at work to eat either. I'll figure something out when i get home."

"Johnny, what the fuck." I sighed and put my car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot. "You're coming home with me." I switched into drive and headed back to my apartment.

"No offense, but i'm not particularly in the mood to fuck right now. I know, shocking, but my feet and back are killing me."

"I'm going to feed you and you're getting a bubble bath."

"A what? I don't take bubble baths. That's like...girl stuff…"

"I will slap you. Bubble baths aren't a gendered activity, idiot. Everyone needs to get clean." I rolled my eyes. "You're doing what I say and i'm not getting any back talk about it, got it?"

He put his hands up in mock defense. "Fine, fine. Whatever you say." He closed his eyes and rested his head back in the seat and I was sure he was dead asleep in seconds.

I took my time driving home, letting him enjoy his quick nap. I gently shook him awake when i pulled into my lot and he shuffled out of the car like a zombie, following me to my door. We tossed our coats and hats on the floor, not bothering to hang them up and set our wet shoes on the doormat. I went to work cooking pasta (the quickest and cheapest thing I had to fill him up) while he stretched out on the couch to fall asleep again. He woke up instantly once I held the steaming bowl of finished spaghetti by his face and devoured it like a ravenous dog, asking for seconds soon after. I filled up his bowl again and set some aside for me, eating much slower than he was.

"I'm gonna get the bath going for you, ok?" I said once I was done.

"I can just shower you know."

"Baths help relax your muscles. Didn't I say no back talk?"

He rolled his eyes and left me to my own devices. I made sure the water wasn't too boiling before adding a bath bomb and a ton of bubble bath soap, bath oil, and some epsom salt. I even tossed in some soap flower petals I had gotten from the local dollar store and always used when i took my baths. I lit the candle that stayed on the top of the toilet tank and surveyed my handiwork. It was about to be a fun time. "Johnny!" I called out to him. "It's ready!"

He came into the bathroom and took one look at the bath and almost walked out. "What the hell is all of this?"

"Clothes off. Get in."

"Eri, this is ridicu-"

I pulled at his shirt. "You smell like sweat and gross coffee. Naked. Now."

He pulled his shirt over his head and nudged his socks off with his toes. "Don't you think it's-"

"Pants. Lets go."

He pursed his lips and slid off his dress pants and underwear. "Alright, fine. I'll get in." He walked over to the tub as if it was going to attack him and dipped his foot in slowly. "You want me to boil in there?! Why is it so hot?"

I rolled my eyes at him acting like a baby and turned on the cold water to bring it to a better temperature for him. "Try that."

He dipped his foot in again and seemed satisfied with it. He slowly sunk down and settled as best as he could given his long limbs. He stood quiet for a second before looking up at me. "This is the shit."

"Oh my god. I told you! You're over here with your fragile masculinity about taking a bath. It's the best thing ever! Hashtag self care, homie."

"Get in here with me." He grinned.

"Oh, and where am i gonna fit when you take up the entire tub?"

"We'll figure it out, just come in here. The water's niceeeee."

"Yeah because i made it that way." I left the bathroom adding that i would return in a second. I went back to the kitchen and pulled out the last two beers I had, flicked off the caps and took it back to the bathroom.

"Helllll yeahhhh." Johnny perked up when he saw what i had in tow. I handed them over to him to hold while i discarded my clothes and maneuvered myself between his legs with plenty of difficulty. My tub wasn't made for a giant and me put together. Eventually we settled into a mostly comfortable position and i rested my head back against his chest, sipping at my beer. He seemed to be preoccupied by gathering suds in his hands and squishing the bubbles like a big kid. I took another sip and set the glass bottle onto the floor a little bit aways from the tub.

"You look like a toddler playing with the bubbles like that." I laughed.

"I'm just having fun. Besides, i can do this with them." He smooshed a handful of suds into the side of my face, catching me completely off guard.

"Oh you ass!" I wiped my face and flung the bubbles at him, getting it in his hair and face. He set his beer down beside mine and tried grabbing me, making water splash over the edge of the tub. I was a giggling fit as we tried to see who could cover who in the most bubbles. He splattered more into my hair though I was trying to block him as much as I could. I had closed my eyes for fear of getting soap in them and swatted at him until i felt him grabs my wrists and pull me close. We were still laughing out asses off until i wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Isn't this better than some boring shower?" I smiled.

"Yeah, everything's better with you...but i do actually have to get clean. My hair is greasy as fuck."

"Oh, hold on. I grabbed my shampoo from the corner of the tub and pumped some into my palms. I slathered it into his hair, pushing it back before dipping my hands in the water. I scratched at his scalp, rubbing the shampoo in and making sure any didn't get into his face. He didn't protest at all and instead leaned into my chest, letting me take care of the rest. I wiggled onto my knees to get better access to him and he of course took the opportunity to grabs my ass, laughing when he slapped it and made suds fly about. I smacked the back of his head playfully and demanded he stay still when my nails were digging into his scalp.

He kissed my chest and neck, promising he would be a 'good boy' and making me roll my eyes. Eventually, i grabbed the shower head and rinsed off his hair though he shook the water from it like a dog and doused me. I proceeded to force the shower spray in his face which only made him grab me again and practically dunk me into the water. He was barely relaxing but definitely smiling and having fun which i guess was still a win. When i slid back up he wiped the suds away from me and kissed me, keeping me cornered between the edge of the tub and his body. I smiled into the kiss and wrapped my arms around him again getting lost in my usual happy place.

We stayed like that until the water ran cold and made us shiver. I drained the tub and turned the shower on letting him fully wash up and get conditioner in his hair. There was a bit of a distraction when he was "helping me get clean" and his hands dove between my thighs. I almost fell for it because he always knew how to work me up in seconds but i was able to keep him at bay and make him rinse off. I stepped out the shower first, wrapping my hair in a towel and getting another for around my body. I padded out to the linen closet to get a spare and tossed it at him while he stood dripping in the tub. I went to my room to scope out some of Lucas' clothes that Johnny could wear for pajamas- well if he wanted to. He always did sleep naked. He came into the room a few minutes later, towel wrapped around his waist and still dripping just a bit.

"Did you actually want to sleep in clothes tonight? It is pretty cold." I asked.

"Yeah tha’ts fine….is that my hoodie?" He asked as he caught sight of his hoodie that rested over my desk chair. I had kept it since the night after the Halloween party.

"O-oh….yeah, uh… do you want to wear that?"

"I almost forgot you had it. It's like my favorite hoodie too." He grabbed it and briefly gave the hood a sniff. "Hm…"

"What?" I asked before pulling a pair of sweatpants out of the drawer for him.

"Nothing, it just smells like you now."

I raised a brow. "Uh...sorry?"

"Nah, its cool...how often were you wearing it?"

I didnt need him to know i slept with it on almost every night so i shrugged coolly. "Eh, once or twice. I didn’t really pay attention to it."

"Mhm." Was all he said before I handed him the sweatpants and he pulled them on. He crashed face down onto my bed, groaning happily as he finally got to lay down. I finished drying my hair, tying it up, and pulled on my comfy oversized pjs. I got in bed beside him and kissed at his bare shoulders.

"Do your muscles still hurt?" I asked.

"A little. Mostly my lower back. It was truck day so of course i had to get all the boxes of coffee and shit organized and lift every thing. I'm just ready to sleep."

I slipped over his hips and ran my hands over the small of his back. "Do you want a massage?"

He looked back at me. "What?"

"A massage. Like you know, to relieve some of the tension?"

"Oh...ok?"

"What? You never gotten one before?" I laughed at his incredulousness.

"Not really. I usually do it for girls to get them in the mood or whatever. Touch their tits."

"You're definitely the romantic." I shook my head and dug my palms into his lower back hearing a few vertebrae crack. He cursed softly and i felt his entire body relax beneath me. "There you go, dummy. That’s better."

I worked my hands over his muscles, sliding them across his shoulders and working my thumbs into the back of his neck. "Damn Eri, what did I do to deserve you?" He chuckled.

"I mean, i'm definitely the best you've ever had and the best you'll ever get." So why don't you ask me to be your girlfriend already?

He snorted. "Yeah, sure. I will say though that you've got the best ass and you're turning me into an ass man for sure."

"And a thigh man too."

"All of it." He smirked.

"Get into anal, then we'll talk." I cracked a bit more of of his spine before leaning down to kiss his cheek.

"Hm, doubt it." He closed his eyes and pulled my Rilakkuma plushie that had become my sleeping partner close to him. Why did he have to be so fucking cute? It was getting impossible to ignore my feelings for him no matter how hard i tried to suppress them. It was bad enough that he made me laugh and smile but we were actually getting along pretty well. He was starting to seem absolutely perfect and yet...he would never have feelings for me. I sighed internally as i slid off him and pressed myself into his back, becoming the big spoon. He didn't move or shrug me off so I assumed he didn't care. That or he was already passed out which seemed like the most logical explanation.

I pulled the covers over us and wrapped my arm tight around his waist. Eventually the stillness of the air around us and the calmness of his breathing got to me. Slowly, i started falling asleep, encased by his warmth and my feelings of never wanting him to let go.

--

Johnny's POV

I felt hands grabbing at me, clutching at my shoulders and chest. I tried to block them, shove them away. I pleaded for them not to touch me. I didn't need to feel used again. Or dirty. Or weak. I screamed then, burning my lungs as tears rolled down my face.

"JOHNNY! WAKE UP!"

The voice was different then what I was expecting and I opened my eyes to see her face full of worry with a red mark on her cheek. "E-Eri?" I could barely speak.

"I think you were having another night terror. I-i was trying wake you up but you kept fighting…"

"D-d-did I hit you?"

"I mean...i know it was an accident. You were in a state of panic." She dragged her thumb across my cheek and I could feel her wipe at the tears there. They hadn't stopped flowing and i realized how much of a fool I was. I never cried in front of anyone. I would never show that side to me. Not only had I told her my deepest secrets but she had watched me have not one but two night terrors. Now here I was crying-no, sobbing- like a little bitch. I had to leave. I shoved her away quickly, probably harder then i needed to and got up from the bed. I was in a rush to pull on my hoodie and get to the front door while she was calling out to me to slow down. I couldn't bare too.

I ran out of her room, wiping furiously at my face. I gathered my coat from the floor and shoved my feet into my work boots. Quinn was just coming through the door and stopped as she saw me. "Johnny? Are you ok?"

"Did Jae drop you off?! Is he still downstairs?!"

"Wh-what? Yeah. Did something happen between you and Eri?"

"Johnny!" I heard Eri cry out. I moved Quinn out of the way and took the stairs two at a time, calling out to Jae as another wave of tears threatened to push through. I threw the front door open and waved at him, his eyes widening as he sat in my car. I got in the passenger seat as fast as I could.

"Johnny, i can explain-"

"Drive!"

"What? What happened?"

"JUST DRIVE!"

"Fuck! Ok!" He hit reverse and backed out before speeding away from the apartment. "What's going on, bro?"

I covered my face with my hands and rested my elbows on my knees. "I can't do this anymore. They're getting worse. I cant fucking do this."

"What's getting worse? Did Eri do something to you? I'll turn this car around right now, i swear to god."

"No. No. Just go home. Please just take me home."

"You need to tell me what's happening. I mean it." He said, sternly.

"Not right now. Later. I can't...fuck, i can't…" i sniffled and rubbed at my eyes again, trying to make sure I didn't shed another tear. Jae didn't say anything after that but I could tell he wanted to. I just needed to know why I couldn’t get over this. It had been over a month since it initially happened but only a couple weeks since she had left me alone for good. I had spent so much time with Eri that I thought it would be over but she could only do so much. And now i had hit her, an accident, but it still brought me back to how I felt when the bruises were all that were left of Rixi’s torture. I pressed my head against the cold glass of the window and watched as the street lamps passed by.

"I really worry about you…" Jae said in Korean, which meant he was completely serious.

"Yoonoh, i said not now." I replied. My Korean wasn't the best of the best and my accent was complete shit compared to his but I could at least hold a conversation.

"I know not now, we don't have to get into it but i still wanted you to know. I'm here for you and if she so much as hurt you-"

"She didn't. Eri would never. I know she wouldn't. But...I just keep reliving what happened and can’t let it go. That's all."

"Maybe...you should try like therapy, man. They have those groups for survivors and-"

"I'm not a fuckin' charity case and i don't need therapy. I'm not gonna sit there being the only dude and get laughed at. I can deal with it on my own." I snapped.

"Can you? Because it doesn't seem like it." He said, softly.

"I don't even know anymore…"

He pulled up to our place and i walked ahead of him which was when i realized i had left everything in Eri's room. I sighed and set my head against the door wondering if Jae would go back and get my keys, wallet, and cell phone for me. I didn't want to face her. After all how did you face the person you had feelings for when you just cried right in front of them.

--

Eri's POV

He hadn't talked to me in a couple weeks again which was starting to become the most annoying and frustrating thing about him. Just when i thought i was breaking his walls down he would block me off again. It was like all those perfect moments we shared together meant nothing at all and we were back to square one- or square zero for that matter. I kept promising myself that no matter what Johnny did to try and weasel his way back into my life I wouldn't let him. I couldn't fix him, i couldn't stop his night terrors or anxiety, and I sure as hell couldn't get him to admit that he needed more help than i could give. It wasn't my job to build him back up even if i was okay helping him out a little. I still did care about him and didn't want him to suffer but I also had to move on for my sake.

However, the way I coped with everything was my favorite self destructive habit. The other lead singer of my band, André, had invited me over for a house party with some of the other people we normally played with at the club. Even a few of our friends who were on tour had come down to our shitty little college town to see us. It had been about a year since they had gone on tour and I was so damn happy to see them. Too many drinks later we were jumping on the couch and breaking shit, playing riff after riff on our guitars and laughing our asses off at stupid stories. I had no idea how many people I kissed or how many times someone asked me to hook up with them. Headbanging made me dizzy but i did it anyway. Hanging around a bunch of metalhead dudes was not the time to punk out. I stopped myself from puking a few times and managed to get a round of Three Amigos in; my specialty. One shot of Fireball, one shot of Honey Whiskey and a last shot of Bourbon.

That pushed me over the edge into bad decision territory. I stepped out of the apartment for a minute in a fit of drunken giggles. I unlocked my phone and trailed through my contact list ready to make a fool of myself. I dialed the number and waited. It only rang two times before he answered.

"Eri?" He sounded confused and a little bit sleepy. My sense of time was distorted.

"Heyyyyyy cutie. How's it going?" I giggled.

"Fuck, you're drunk."

"Absolutely not! I'm just a little tipsy, that's all baby, I swear."

"Yeah, no. You're drunk. I'm the last person you'd be calling."

"I miss your dick though. A lot. I think about it sometimes. It felt good. So good…"

His tone changed a bit, voice getting a little deeper. "Oh? Yeah? I guess I can admit I’ve thought about you a few times too."

"But you hate me!" I whined. "You're always so mean to me and you never talk to me!"

"I don't hate you I just hate the shit surrounding you is all. It's too much drama. I just want to fuck you without any problems."

"You can fuck me. Please fuck me."

"Eri…" I heard him sigh softly. "I can't, baby. You're drunk. That's literally illegal."

"Nooooo, no. I'm not I swear. Can I come over in a bit? Will you stay up for me? I'll make it worth your while."

"If you come over i'm just gonna have to babysit you and make sure you don't choke on your own vomit."

I let out a frustrated grunt, his name coming out short and snippy. "For the last time i'm not drunk. I want you to fuck me, ok? All these idiots at this party want me but I don't want any of them. I want you. I want you...all of you. For the rest of the night."

"Why do you do this? You're a heartbreaker and a fucking tease, you know that?"

"That's how I get them to keep coming back." I smirked. "Do you really not hate me? Like...for real."

"I meant what I said. I really don't hate you. I've thought about you more than enough. I've thought about when I was inside you, when we kissed, the way you looked at me when you came, how good you looked at the summer party. I've wanted you for awhile but never had the guts to say so, and always hated the shit you brought around."

"I'm a good girl, i swear. I won't cause any trouble. I really need you. Please?"

"Ok, ok...promise me you'll sober up first. And for the love of god don't drive. I'll call you an uber if you need one."

"Hmm, no. I'll be ok. I'll be there soon. Just be ready for me."

"You're a pain in the ass, i hope you know that."

"So are you, jerk." I giggled. "Bye." I hug up my phone, biting my lip as I was happy to get my hook up for the night. I missed him a little and needed to get my mind off of everything and he was the perfect distraction. Suddenly, the door swung open and my arm was grabbed.

"Why are you out here?! We need you to show Justin that he doesn't know shit about a good solo!" André said. "You need to kick his ass!"

"Ok! Ok! But only one. I've got to get somewhere after and sober up."

"Boooooo! That's boring! Where the hell do you need to go?"

"To get laid, duh! Where else would I go?"

"Oh great. Did Crystal call you up again? She was supposed to be coming soon." He said.

"Nah, not Crystal. An old flame. But tell her that she's more than welcome to get back in my bed and be tied up." I set my arm around his shoulder and lead him back into the apartment. "Now let's show that dumbass who's the head bitch in charge around here."

It was another hour or so before I left. I wanted to at least get some water in me before I headed over to his place. The snow on the ground had turned into slush as the past few days had been rainy. Tonight was barely any different. When I had gotten into the uber it was drizzling but as soon as I got to the apartment it had turned into a torrential downpour. The quick walk to the front door had me soaked in seconds and absolutely freezing. I knocked on the door fast hoping he was still up like he promised.

It took a minute but he opened the door. His eyes widened at my shivering state and pulled me in quickly. "Jesus, what happened to you?"

"It's p-pouring and like 30 degrees out. I'm f-fuck-fucking freezing."

He pushed the wet hair away from my face and cupped my face in his hands. I clutched onto his tank top, desperate for warmth and for his touch. He kissed my trembling lips and after such a long time of not being with him i realized exactly what made me hook up with him in the first place. He was always so attentive and ready to please me that it made my heart burst into a fast paced sprint. "Let's get you a hot shower, ok? Don't need you catching a cold, angel."

"Hmm, you know i'm far from an angel, but I will take the shower with you.” He closed the door as i took off my leather jacket and untied my combat boots, yanking them off and almost stumbling to the floor. He caught my shoulder and helped me straighten up.

"You good?"

I giggled. "Yeah, definitely." I took his hand and headed towards his bathroom. "C'mon Taeyong, I promised to make it worth your while didn't I?"

[mysideblogofsurveys]

Survey 7.

1. if you have any pets, were they adopted from the humane society? I don’t have my cat anymore (I had to give him to my parents when I moved in with my husband because he is allergic) but I had adopted him from the humane society. 2. what kind of cheese is your favorite, or no cheese at all? Honestly, all of the cheese.  I love it all haha 3. do you like home design, like picking out paint colors and furniture? Not really, I’m horrible at it. 4. have you seen any of the old james bond movies? No, just the new ones 5. do you chew gum on a regular basis? No, I actually don’t even remember the last time I had any.

6. do you think mitchell musso is hot, like all the magazines say? I didn’t know who that was so I looked it up and nope.  I don’t find him attractive at all.

7. list all of your features that you have ever got compliments on: How small I am (I’m like 5′0), I don’t look like I”m 32 so I get treated like I”m a lot younger, my eyes

8. do you play ps, ps2, or ps3? I haven’t in a while (been too busy playing my Nintendo Switch) but I have quite a few games for it.  My husband plays it more than I do. 9. have you ever been in a hot air balloon? and if not, would you ever want to go in one? I think it’d be kinda cool but getting my courage together to go on it is another thing lol 10. do your parents buy you something on a daily basis? No, I buy everything myself. 11. what type of computer do you have? Well, my laptop is from like 2015, its an HP. I bought it to help me study for my Licensing exams for my career (not college related)  My desktop is from 2012 that my Husband helped me build.  It was like $1000 but had all the best equipment at the time and still works great today. Expensive but so worth it. 12. do you like old, black and white movies? The only black and white show I’ve watched were old cartoons or 3 Stooges 13. is anyone else in the room with you right now? Not exactly?  We have an open floor plan so my husband is technically in the dining room (I’m in the living room) but I can see him if I move my head slightly, he’s just around the corner. 14. do you watch john and kate plus 8? No but I’ve seen one or two episodes. 15. do you whiten your teeth with crest white strips? No 16. do you listen to local bands? No, well we went to a Fair in January, not too far away from us that had local kids playing and they weren’t too bad (obviously haven’t heard them since then).  I hung out with a lot of guys that were in bands when I was in highschool though.

17. do you collect anything? Video games, I guess.  I prefer to buy the physical versions for several reasons 18. have you seen the movie, thirteen? I don’t think so. 19. do you watch vh1? I Haven’t in a long time but I did when I lived with my parents 20. have you ever said “fergalicious”, but changed it to your name instead of fergie’s? What?  No.  I only liked one song from her 21. do you have a pool in your back yard? No, but I did growing up (my parents asked if we wanted a trampoline or a pool and we wanted a pool) 22. do you watch youtube videos often? No, well not really. I don’t like follow any YouTubers except Tim Pool (Liberal) and Steven Crowder (Conservative).  Mostly because I believe they try to sift through the shit the news/media either doesn’t focus on or skips completely and try to get the truth.  I like listening to both Liberals and Conservatives then form my own opinion. 23. do you wear mascara? Yeah but the only make up I wear is eyeliner and mascara.

24. do your parents fight?  do they even talk at all? I’m sure they have like arguments but I’ve never seen them have huge ones.

25. have you ever watched a movie that’s in a completely different language, so you had to read sub-titles? All the time! I’m actually binge-watching “Dark” on Netflix (its a German time travel show.  Its SO GOOD but also fucked up.  It has English voice-overs but it just doesn’t feel right.  Sounds much better in the native German).  I also watch a lot of anime in Japanese (with subtitles).  I’m trying to learn both languages. 26. do people with yellow teeth disgust you? Thats kinda mean 27. do you drink alcohol on new year’s eve? Yes 28. do you wear rings? Only my engagement and wedding ring 29. are you hungry right now? Yeah, a little 30. would you like to have a universal remote, like in the movie, Click? I don’t thinks so, only because going back to fix something would change the future and as I’ve seen from “Dark” (mentioned above), time traveling is nothing I want to deal with lol

31. have you ever tried smoking a cigarette? Yeah.  I socially smoked (had one when I drank) when I was younger but haven’t had one in over 10 years. I never bought any or got addicted, just had one when everyone else went out for a smoke (if that makes sense) 32. do you get any magazines in the mail? Yeah, I get Game Informer because I’m a member of GameStop’s membership.  I get all of my video games there.

33. don’t you just wanna stab someone with a fire poker? No, wtf! 34. do you wear baseball caps? No, I’m not a hat person except when we go to the beach.  Then I wear a floppy one to shield me from the sun

35. what was the last memory you thought about that instantly brought a smile to your face? I’m not sure 36. has anyone inflicted physical pain on you today? No but myself is beating me up from the inside (I started my period last night so I’m all cramp-y :/ ) 37. are there any restaurants in walking distance to your house? Yeah, I suppose.  Its like a 15 min walk though. 38. what was the last store that you went into when you were at the mall? I haven’t been to the mall in months but it was probably GameStop. 39. do you currently have any coupons for stores right now, which stores specifically? I don’t have coupons but I have a bunch of gift cards.  To Kohls, Panera Bread, BoneFish restaurant and some others I can’t think of right now

40. what was the last picture you uploaded to your facebook? Its been a long time, I don’t post anything to FaceBook anymore (I don’t trust it.  If it wasn’t for keeping up with family on it, I would delete it. 41. when was the last time that you were so tired that everything was funny to you? A long time, I normally fall asleep before I get to the giggly stage. 42. what’s something that you do that you know hurts people close to you? Probably not call them as much as I should.  I suck at keeping in contact with those further away. 43. what was the last board game that you played? It was probably some form of Dungeons and Dragons, we’re super nerdy lol 44. the next time you will be going on vacation, where will you be heading too? Well, we were supposed to go to Germany in September for Okoberfest but since that is cancelled, we probably won’t be going (International flights are still undecided on.  But honestly, it’ll probably all get canceled.)  Aside from that, I’m still flying to my hometown in early Sept for my cousin’s wedding (and hopefully the Renaissance Festival with my sibling-in-laws but I’m not sure if that will be canceled either.) 45. do you get bloated at all after you eat? It depends on what I eat, so sometimes. 46. have you read the book lovely bones? No, I tend to read Sci-Fi/Fantasy books.  I briefly looked up what that book is about and definitely not something I would read. 47. are you mad that this survey is over now? No, I’ll probably do another one lol

[gloomstudy]

11 (jk actually 33) questions tag!

rules: answer 11 questions, make 11 of your own, and tag another 11 people.

tagged by @piiess, @narglestudies, @orangeblossomstudies, and many many many others! i can’t find all the other ones that i was tagged in, but i know i was tagged in a bunch of them these past few months and i never got around to doing them ahhh i’m sorry ;; and hoooo boy, it’s been a while since the last time i’ve done a tag on here. hopefully answering these 33 questions will help you all get to know me a little better!

questions from pat:

1. who do you stan and why?

you guys already know that i stan bang chan from stray kids, so i’m gonna talk about someone else. i stan iu (lee jieun)! she’s so pure and gentle, and her vocals are so amazing and heavenly. she’s basically how i imagine what an angel sounds like. it would truly be an honor to meet her someday!

2. how are you today?

i’m alright! i got up kinda late today lol. not much has happened aside from eating breakfast and lunch, watching youtube videos, and setting up my queue for my blogs. now i’m answering these questions!

3. your regular order at the café?

i’ve actually never been to a cafe before, but i’ve been to a few boba places! i either get an ice cream green tea, or a matcha latte. for both, i get 50% sugar, no ice (the drink is usually already cold), boba, and soymilk if it’s available.

4. mint ice cream, yay or nay?

yay, if it’s made well.

5. recommend a place to visit if i were to travel to your state/country?

aside from disneyland, uhhh...come visit my school? ahaha idk. i’d be happy to be your tour guide! afterwards, we can go to daiso since it’s only 2 blocks away from campus, hehe. ^_^

6. favorite prompts/au?

flower shop au will always be my most favorite au and the most wholesome au. i dare you to fight me on this. jk pls don’t actually fight me.

7. top 3 otp’s and brotp’s?

otp’s: scira (teen wolf), finnrey (star wars), gallya (the man from uncle)

brotp’s: changlix (stray kids), woochan (stray kids), iwaoi (haikyuu!!)

8. have you ever visited a dog/cat/animal café? if not, would you like to?

no, i have not. yes, i would love to! there’s this shiba cafe in japan that i really wanna visit someday. :’)

9. opinion about minimalism?

it’s good, and i’m slowly working towards it. you can probably tell in my original content that i usually like to keep things pretty simple and minimal!

10. how is your workspace like?

the other day, i had 5 bottles on my desk with varying levels of water lmao. but now i’ve cleaned them out and put them away, and now my desk is pretty clean and organized! i wanna change up the photos on my wall, though.

11. if you had a superpower/magic, what would it be? and would you become a hero, a villain, or a normal person who use their power in daily life (like… you had magic and you use that to do your housework or sth bc you’re too lazy lol)

i’d like to be able to freeze time! i’m not sure how it would be useful as a hero, so i’d probably stay as a normal person and use it in my daily life. i’d like to have more time to get things done, ahaha.

questions from esther:

1. hogwarts house? (if you haven’t been sorted, describe yourself in 3 words)

hufflepuff!

2. harry potter, percy jackson, lotr, or asoiaf / game of thrones?

percy jackson.

3. favorite book genre? (e.g. fantasy, mystery, romance, etc.)

dystopian, or sci-fi.

4. top travel destination?

someone pls drag me to japan or south korea.

5. your happiest moment this month?

hanging out with my brother at a museum, followed by dragging him with me to muji and buying new stationery, followed by getting milk tea + boba and walking around in a mall. it was a good day. ^_^

6. favorite summer activity?

swimming!

7. how do you stay productive during the summer?

this summer, i’m studying for the gre, picking up japanese again, and practicing violin for my upcoming audition in august. and of course, i’m also working on some new living room sessions, which will be posted soon!

8. an interesting fact about yourself?

i used to do ballet, tap dancing, and gymnastics! unfortunately, now i’m no longer as flexible as i used to be ;;

9. tea or coffee?

tea~

10. favorite food?

sushi!!

11. crazy fast and loopy rollercoasters - yes or no?

YES ABSOLUTELY, but i haven’t been on one in a while.

questions from micky:

1. what’s your favorite flower?

hydrangea!

2. are you currently reading a book? if so, which one?

no :( i haven’t read a book for leisure in a while. i’d like to get into all for the game, though!

3. what’s one goal you have for the coming school year?

stop procrastinating on writing papers lol.

4. what do you do on rainy days?

stay indoors, listen to lo-fi hip-hop, mindlessly scroll through tumblr, watch youtube videos and anime, and drink a hot cup of tea.

5. what’s a habit you can’t stand?

people who chew with their mouths open :/

6. what’s your favorite genre of book or movie?

dystopian and action!

7. what’s the best thing that happened to you last week?

watching the fireworks on the 4th of july!

8. what’s something you are self-conscious about?

my skin :/

9. what are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?

being done with school, and hopefully achieving some of my goals!!

10. what stereotype do you completely live up to?

a musician who wears black often lol. i own more blue jeans than black jeans, but i wear my black jeans more often since they go with everything! also, my raincoat and the majority of my winter coats are black, ahaha.

11. who inspires you to be better?

family, friends, and you guys!!

my 11 questions for you!

what’s your aesthetic?

which city in the world would you choose to describe yourself and why?

what kind of music do you like to listen to?

what did you have for breakfast today?

what song has been stuck in your head lately?

if you could live in any movie or tv show, which would you choose?

do you play an instrument? which one(s)? if not, which instrument would you like to learn how to play?

quick! name the first meme that comes to mind.

what’s your best piece of life advice?

who are some people you look up to?

are you having a good day today? (if not, i hope it gets better, and tomorrow is another chance to try again!)

tagging: @lavietudier, @ceesdesk, @adelinestudiess, @jynsdesk, @diaryofastemstudent, @ryustudies, @studytune, @moonshinestudies, @hannybstudies, @pltuo, @ahsteria, and anyone else who wants to do this! (sorry if you’ve already done this, and you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to!)

[lachalaine]

small headcannons no one asked for

Jackie’s music is primarily based around the themes of freedom and living life to the fullest. This is because she’s constantly at war with herself – wanting to live her life and keep moving forward despite her regrets, mistakes and heartache; but also wanting to end it, uncertain if she will ever atone for that of which she’d lost.

She loves being on rooftops to watch the skyline, partaking in the strong breeze that only ever comes from being at a high altitude and watching either the setting sun or the rising dawn. However, there’s a darker reason to it as well. About a few years back when she’d finally split up from her ex, she took to the buildings for the exact same reasons – only to drift ever closer to the edge in contemplation of what it would be like to fall. She’d imagined perhaps if she were to fall to her death, that the last thing she would want to see is the colors of the setting sun. However, the change in shades of the evening twilight always mesmerized her for the intricacy and difference in color day by day and that alone gave her a reason not to take that last damning step. So when she says she appreciates the little things in life and looks forward to the changes that are possible in every day – from the smell of the rain, to the blossoming of flowers, to the play of color shifting on the horizon – she means it. Because in truth, it’s sometimes the only thing that’s still keeping her alive.

She still drifts to the edge of the building, but only to sit and watch the horizon. She knows she’s safe. 

The reason she’s always being an idiot and doing reckless things is not merely because she lacks self control. Rather, she requires the adrenaline rush to keep as a reminder to herself that her life is precious, and she shouldn’t waste it. ( But J, isn’t that what her being reckless does? Make her more liable to die? ) Yes, that is a possibility that is always on the table. But to put it simply, she fears more the possibility of her growing numb to her own life and living in the shadows, rather than she fears the possibility of ending it. To live her life without feeling the wonder of what it means to be alive means to live without a purpose, and to shuffle along day by day in a routine that changes nothing. She wishes to grow. She wishes to be stronger, and be better, every single day. And to grow stagnant merely to stay safe and secure while the rest of the world passes her by --- she sees no bigger disrespect to herself than that. 

Jackie is in all her music videos, but she is never the focus. Rather, she instead takes to only making cameos. You will see little hints of her in the background – such as the brush of lilac hair, the side character that the main character rushes past, her headphones, or even just the glimpse of a crystal hanging on a belt or bracelet. Crystals are a signature of her attire, and her fans have come to recognize them in the symbolism's she puts together.

To add to that – Jackie’s music videos also only ever focus on city streets or nature scenes, such as the forest or the beach. And the biggest themes are always prominently the main characters running off together and exploring where the world takes them. Whether that’s into a cavern or into the trees, or to a mountain or through random alleys that lead to someplace new – the point of her music is to showcase the idea to let go of your inhibitions and whatever it is that holds you back, exploring the world around you and immersing yourself in what makes you happy. The point is to find yourself, by discovering the world beyond which you know. If she can inspire someone to think in those terms, that alone is enough for her to keep making music for the rest of her life. It also shows that you don’t need to go out of town to experience such things - but you can do it wherever you may be. Whether in an urban city or far out in the middle of nowhere. 

Jackie doesn’t like eating veggies. If any veggies come with her meal, she will ever so subtly shift them over to whoever the heck it is she’s eating with, until they suddenly find themselves with way more broccoli and carrots then they initially had on the plate – and one very guilty looking DJ as the culprit.  

She’s been arrested before and the cops are tired of her but otherwise find her relatively harmless so she stays the night ( or a few nights ) and then they let her go. Her main crime is always trespassing - always, always for the fucking tallest rooftops in the city. They practically consider her a child hyped up on too much sugar at this point. All the time. The cops at a mall in downtown Shibuya in particular have a photo of her propped up ( as per Alys’s observation @astrumtristis x )  – under people who are not allowed to actually be in the mall. She hasn’t done anything that would be considered a criminal offense, such as steal anything ( though the way she ooh’s and aah’s at the jewelry store might make you think differently ) – she just – got stuck in the fountain once. Messing around with the coins in the water and tapping a few against the statue to make some beats for herself, a habit she developed for this reason. Regardless, she’s not allowed within the property anymore. Or within ten feet of it. 

She’s very easily distracted by shiny things. It doesn’t matter how focused she is on something, if anything remotely glittery or shiny pops up, her eyes follow and more often than not, someone has to hold her back from buying it. Please. Please stop her. Onegai. On that note though, best way to defuse her anger! ( Usually. )

She is not above dunking a man in whatever beverage she has before her if he pisses her off on a date. Whether that be a cream cola or tea or - okay, even their meal ( maybe a spaghetti ) – whatever it is, it will end up in their hair and she will make sure they know damn well she’s displeased and walk out on them. It’s never over petty reasons though, don’t worry.

Jackie doesn’t sleep very much. She’s either always working late nights even when she’s at home just composing a new song, or she’s terrified to fall asleep. She has nights where she wakes up screaming. The night terrors usually get to her – consisting of her worst memories of her past – or the worst memories of Jazzele.

The girl doesn’t actually have any clue as to what she is in terms of supernatural abilities. Only that she’s a better fighter, but she’s always written that off as just her cheerleading training. She sometimes feels as though there’s someone else that watches her from her peripheral vision when she glances away, and her eyes sometimes change color without her knowledge. Sometimes she catches it in the mirror, and when she looks back – there’s nothing different. There’s only mahogany, where she was near certain there’d been a bright aquamarine blue. Sometime she has flashbacks, memories of things she never underwent. Sometimes she can recognize the presence of someone else in her head, but merely deems herself exhausted – nearly certain that perhaps this is what people mean by ‘talking to yourself’. It feels like her when it responds, and yet at the same time, feels entirely different. She chooses not to question it.

She’s an acrobat, flexibility and grace and all. It is highly unlikely she will ever lose her balance, no matter how narrow the surface may be - a side effect of Jazzele’s ability. 

On very, very rare occasions - Jazzele sometimes takes control, triggered by either anger or the need to scope something out. Jackie usually wakes up from instances like that in the middle of nowhere - sometimes with blood on her hands. She can never remember anything. 

Jackie may sometimes resort to calling for the Norse gods when under severe duress, speaking old Norse without her realizing it, falling back into English or Japanese when the situation has passed. 

She’s never studied the language. She won’t remember what she said or how she said it. She’s usually only ever confused when people ask. 

The gods do end up hearing her pleas though. But will they answer them? Perhaps. 

I should write a book about that. 

Jackie once woke up to a Bengal tiger in her bathroom, after perhaps a night of maybe too much fun. She wasn’t drunk, merely hyped up on a severe lack of energy that she ended up going more than a little nutty, stealing the animal from an Arabian prince living in the city. She was assisted by her more level headed assassin brother figure Roppi @bathed-in-red ( who did it just for kicks and to keep her out of trouble ) , and she woke up the next morning remembering nothing. The news however made sure to remind her, considering a security camera had caught the female sneaking the lion out. However she’d been wearing a hoodie at the time that’d covered most of her features so the police could only identify that it was a girl. She might not have made the connection until she’d opened the bathroom door and almost gotten her head mauled off, but suffice to say – trying to return the darn thing without the police catching wind of her shit was a migraine in itself.

She really loves tigers, by the way. She would keep one if she could.

Also – fun fact. Never let her go without sleep for too long, or else shit like that thing with the tiger will happen a lot. A drunk Jackie is a safe Jackie, because then all she does is pass out. A Jackie running on frappuccino’s, energy drinks and whatever else she’d conjured out of thin air to keep herself running = worse than a five year old on a sugar rush. Worth ten five year old’s on a sugar rush. Don’t do it. Please don’t do it.

Please. Make her sleep. 

Jackie is shy around men she likes and is weak to those who are genuine with her. She will reject anything less than sincere ( women's instinct, don’t forget ), but will flush deeply and act like a school girl should her crush show any sign of interest towards her. Or even get close towards her. Touch her. Smile at her. You get the picture. Hiding beneath tables and running away into closets or behind random doors is to be expected.

She’s practically a succubus in bed though, don’t be fooled.

Stilettos are dangerous in her hands. Not for her – but for everyone else. She likes to throw them at people if she gets pissed off, which she likely will because stilettos make her feet hurt and so her temper gets only worse.

She bakes muffins sometimes. They come out rock solid.

Aka they’re a weapon and your teeth will break. Beware.

Knows how to sing, knows how to dance ( very well ). Will do neither unless she trusts you because shy.

Jackie smells like lavender and at times – sulfur. This is because she works in close contact with pyrotechnics for her performances, but also I have this symbolical idea in my head that it also showcases the darkness in her soul. But also, sulfur means firework which means bright light in the darkness, so she will always be more heaven then she is hell, even if she doesn’t think she is.

Jackie doesn’t like roses all that much. Instead, buy her carnations. A bundle. The more colorful it is, the better. She will love them eternally. 

Touring and performing can take a heavy toll on an artist. Jackie sometimes is liable to have breakdowns in her dressing rooms when she forces herself too far with no rest to speak of. She ends up curled on the ground crouched into a small ball, a hand around her lips to muffle her cries. 

She covers the evidence with makeup. 

That last bullet point on her about page was a lie. She can be a good liar. 

If you don’t care to look. 

[shadowbanki]

Dream Palace Summary

Dream Palace is an upcoming story about what I dream about at night. Dreams are surreal, magical, funny, and often scary, just like this story. My OC, Pastell Rain, will be playing the role of me!

Each chapter or so, Pastell gets a new crush on an adult woman who’s way out of her league. It always ends when Pastell realizes they already have someone!

Pastell is only 14 in this story, and in 10th grade. Usually in my dreams, I’m a kid who goes to school or summer camp.

Pastell may also switch to her 20-year-old form as well, if she does end up with one of her 18+ adult crushes. This is to make it less creepy and awkward.

But given the nature of the story, Pastell may not end up with any of her crushes anyway.

This story takes place in an alternate version of Whimsica that exists in the Realm of Dreams.

Kimi, nicknamed “Missouri”, is an imaginary friend I dreamed of as a child. Why her name is Missouri, nobody knows.

The story starts on a dark, rainy morning. Pastell is on the school bus with Missouri. The school bus is old and beat up.

Along with Pastell, two obnoxious boys are on the bus. Their names are Inky and Marker. They might be dating, who knows.

Then all of a sudden, the bus goes through a roller coaster. Roller coasters are recurring subjects in my dreams and often they take me to school. They’re never fun in the dreams, they’re only scary and make me nauseous.

Pastell talks to a girl named Bess, but doesn’t make friends with her because Pastell is awkward. Bess as a character is a homage to my grandmother who passed away during my childhood.

Pastell has to go to gym class. For some reason we’re running laps at the mall. Except the mall is scary and filled with booby traps. And suddenly Pastell starts running very slowly, because in dreams you just can’t seem to run fast.

Pastell pops into a peculiar shop and she finds a pretty scepter that catches her eye. She gets it for free because she shop couldn’t seem to sell it, and it was bringing them bad luck.

Little did she know, the scepter was magic.

At lunch time, there was no more mac and cheese, so Pastell had to get the icky pizza that was greasy and looked like it had pimples (and tasted like it too.)

The lunch lady always yelled and cooked her food in a giant volcano. As dessert, Pastell got lava cookies. She sits next to Missouri, Bess, Camille, Inky, Marker, and... Claudia! Her love!

Claudia had beautiful coral-colored hair that elegantly cascaded down her neck and back and... gee. Maybe I said too much.

Then, Pastell has boring economy class with boring Mr. Oguchi. He was so boring that after listening to him for 2 seconds, he’d sound like an adult from “Peanuts”.

Oguchi meant “small mouth” in Japanese, but Ooguchi, with an elongated “o” sound, meant big mouth. Everyone called him Mr. Bigmouth, along with his obnoxious son, Renta Oguchi.

Next, Pastell has math class. She can’t find the room in her school, because in dreams, you’re always lost and have anxiety. Or is that just me? At least Pastell had the class with Claudia, which is strange because Claudia is 24 and Pastell is 14...

Pastell runs into the strict teacher Ms. Dolce (Aria) who leads her back to class. Pastell befriends Bess.

Marker runs out of the room gagging because he ate pizza from the gym floor and got sick. Newsflash, he’s going to do this a lot. That’s called a “running gag”. But this time, it’s literal.

Now Inky is sad because Marker had is sick and isn’t there anymore. Those guys are always together. He starts howling at the moon.

Then, Ms. Scherzando (Octavia), the fun teacher, walks in the room and tells the class they were having a pop field trip, which was kind of like a pop quiz except it was a field trip.

It turns out that the field trip was a cruise to the islands near Whimsica’s equator. And it’s required.

Pastell’s overprotective parents go with her.

As the bus goes to the cruise port, it goes through another roller coaster. Marker comes back because his stomach ache is gone, and Inky hugs him and have a very touching moment. Ms. Dolce rolls her eyes, to hide the fact she was crying.

Also, I took my cat Scout with me on the cruise.

A wave crashes through the window on our cruise room so Pastell goes for an outing.

Missouri and Pastell go to the book store.

That evening, Pastell is on the pool deck again. Claudia sits down next to Pastell and says hello. Pastell suddenly can’t talk right, because sometimes in dreams I can’t talk.

Suddenly Claudia suggests she and Pastell play hide-and-seek. Pastell agrees, but wishes Claudia suggested a game where they can spend time together.

Claudia hides, but then Pastell can’t find her. She suddenly dons an explorer’s hat and an epic adventure soundtrack, and decides to search the whole 27-floor ship through. Too bad Pastell is afraid of everything.

On one floor, floor 22, there’s no electricity and Pastell sees a ghost. She runs and curls into a ball, accepting her fate, when suddenly Bianca shows up and Pastell feels like she’s saved.

There’s a flashback of how Pastell and Bianca meet.

During dodgeball, Bianca protected Pastell from a ball to the face by running in front of her and blocking the ball. Afterwards, Bianca shyly goes up to Pastell asking to be friends. Before she can let it out, a dodgeball hits her in the back and she starts crying. Pastell takes her to the nurse’s office.

It turns out Bianca went to floor 22 whenever she could, to feed the ghosts. Pastell asks if they eat souls. Bianca says no, it turns out that the ghosts eat candy! The ghosts are glowing and squishy-looking and had no legs. Pastell realizes they’re kind of cute.

Pastell realizes that Missouri’s ballet recital is coming up, and she has to find Claudia quick.

They go to a number of other weird floors.

On floor 20, there’s a place that looked like a dream land. There’s a rainbow bridge, a floating pink cookie to ride on, and a swimming pool filled with clear soda.

Pastell and Bianca meet Joy on this floor, which she said was her secret floor.

Pastell and the others decide to just go to Missouri’s dance recital.

In Pastell’s room, her mom starts showing Bianca and Joy her embarrassing baby pictures and telling the, her embarrassing secrets.

During the ballet recital, there was a Cinderella play. Cinderella was played by Reina and the prince was... Claudia!?

Then at the end, Reina and Claudia kiss, and Pastell feels her chance to be with Claudia slip away.

Afterwards, Pastell, Missouri, Joy, Bianca, Bess, Camille, Claudia, and Reina hang out at a restaurant on the cruise ship. They go outside and night and see a gigantic moon in the night sky with a huge terrifying face. (Which is kind of like the moon from Zelda: Majora’s Mask.)

Though scared, they decide to ignore the strange object in the sky and have a big sleepover in a Pastell’s room!

Going to her room, there are two kids in the hallway. One kid says “Put it in the elegant cup.” The other kid says “You mean the elephant cup?”

The next day, there’s swim lessons at the resort. The moon in the sky is a little bit bigger, hinting in on impending doom...

There’s a huge pool that’s around 20 feet deep. Pastell tries to improve her swimming, when she comes across a girl who can swim and dive very well. Her name is Lucille White and she becomes Pastell’s new crush! Now Pastell wants to improve her swimming to impress her senpai.

Then there’s locker room antics with Lucille and her girlfriend (unknown to Pastell), Iris. I guess you can call it ecchi but with adult characters only. Things get a little PG-13. Hey, I sometimes dream about this stuff. Gotta keep it true to my dreams.)

Next day, the ship stops at an island. We take a long walk down an island path, and then take a boat ride. During the boat ride, Bianca’s friend Pepper’s head gets knocked off. She’s still alive, only headless. We now have to look for her head.

Eventually Pastell catches Lucille and Iris kissing, thus ending her second love.

That night, they stay at a sea hotel that rises out of the ocean. There’s purple dolphins, and that scary moon in the sky is even bigger.

Also staying at the hotel, is our favorite monster-fighting marine biologist, Rhona Aequor. Pastell wakes up in the middle of the night and takes a walk since she can’t sleep. She sees Rhona fight a monster outside and falls in love. When she realizes how much she knows about marine life, she falls in love even more!

The next day, the terrifying moon is EVEN BIGGER in the sky. Everyone plays video games together to distract themselves, but then the video game gives us a prophecy that the moon the end the world. It then tells us that we can save it with a scepter and some courage. Remember the scepter Pastell got at the beginning of the story?

Then, with a goal of somehow saving the world, Pastell and friends end up at a tall tower on the top of a mountain where we can somehow combat the moon if it falls any closer. A bunch of strong wizards have gathered around and even their spells can’t affect it.

Pastell feels like she can’t do it, but then Camille starts giving a speech about believing in oneself. It gets so dramatic, that she starts playing the electric guitar in the middle of the speech. Camille says that she just believed she could play the guitar, and now suddenly she could.

You can do anything if you try. Too bad the moon is going to fall in about 30 seconds.

Then suddenly, by believing in herself, Bianca stops the moon right in her tracks, just by believing in herself!

Pastell starts chanting randomness and gains the ability to fly over the moon, and with her magic scepter, she shatters it. The moon is like a giant piñata and it rains stuffed animals as Pastell falls with them back to the ground.

Camille, who was playing the electric guitar, provides the climatic music for the scene.

Then, to celebrate, the next day everyone hangs out at a huge water park. They party until night, by then, someone dumped hot dogs in the main pool (probably either Inky or Marker), so Pastell goes to the hot tub. Then, she sees Rhona! Pastell tells Rhona that she admires her bravery, and she was part of the inspiration Pastell had to become strong and to shatter the moon. Rhona praises Pastell and they bond. But suddenly, Rhona’s girlfriend, Nagisa comes in, and start making out in front of Pastell.

Oh no! Pastell’s third love is also unattainable.

The next day, we go to the island’s airport in order to fly back home. The airport is huge and everyone gets lost. There’s a lot of stores and gift shops there, however, and everyone has a shopping spree.

Pastell as to say goodbye to Rhona and Nagisa, and go back to daily school life.

Instead of a plane taking us home, there’s actually a big hot air balloon. And how do we get to it? Through another roller-coaster.

After we return home, we learn that a Dissonance is opening up near our home. A Dissonance is like a Mystery Dungeon from PMD. It’s like a cursed labyrinth that doesn’t have a fixed interior. It’s maze always changes, and once you find yourself in one, it’s possible to be lost for days.

The Dissonance already claimed lives. It’s named Tragic Woods.

It turns out that Pastell didn’t go to one of her classes for a month, and she fails that class. She has overdue books from the school library. Then she fails a test, gets last place on an art contest, and missed an assignment. Pastell gets sad because of her bad day and goes to the school’s counselor to talk. Except now the school is huge and 69 stories high for some reason. Yes, 69.

That night Pastell watches magical girl anime with her friends and sleeps over.

The next day is fairly normal, but still wacky, because this IS based on my dreams. Pastell and her family go shopping and see a bunch of giant stuffed animals at the store. Then Pastell accidentally flies in someone’s big pot of lasagna. It took them three days to make that lasagna.

Pastell runs away and discovers a secret room behind the grocery store where there’s a lot of video games, and if you win, you get stuffed animal prizes.

That night, we get introduced to Sumi. She and Reina end up getting stuck at the bottom of a strangely placed slope in the grocery store. They argue a lot at first, but then Reina ends up seeing that Sumi has a dream in life. Reina sacrifices herself so that Sumi can get out, because only one person was able to get out. Reina wants Sumi to be able to fulfill her dreams, because Reina is a pessimist with no dreams and thinks Sumi deserves to live more than she does. Reina has to stay at the bottom of the slope, possibly until her death. This is a tearful parting and sacrifice.

Then, Reina just anticlimactically gets found by a worker the next morning and gets saved.

The next night, there’s a chorus recital. Since when was Pastell in chorus, anyway? Well, for now, she’s stuck in a storage room while the performance is going to start. Pastell is only able to get out by pretending she is Mario and jumping out of the small exit.

Then, Pastell gets to become a school idol. She forms a group of nine. The group is Pastell, Bianca, Joy, Camille, Missouri, Bess, Ruby, Emi, and Connie.

While they’re practicing in a parking lot at night, one of the cars goes haywire. It starts spinning around erratically and bumping into everything. Everyone runs away, because the car could potentially run them over. It becomes known as the “Killer Car of Tragic Woods”, even though it never is physically inside the Dissonance, but rather in the surrounding town of Mushroom Forest. Now, there’s an erratic killer car that could potentially be anywhere in town and could run you over if you’re not paying attention. Everyone now has to avoid being alone, and has to keep a lookout for the car before it kills them.

Eventually, the car gets in the school library while Pastell is there. Pastell panics and climbs the bookshelf to stay safe. Then, she goes to the Chinese restaurant (possibly the Meng family’s restaurant from the other story), and the car follows her there.

Pastell runs away from the car and ends up in the expanding Tragic Woods. Pastell is now lost all alone in a Dissonance. She’s terrified and this is her first time being in one. There’s monsters in there.

Suddenly, she is saved by a monster-hunting princess named Celestine, who’s going to be Pastell’s fourth love...

Celestine then gives Pastell an Escape Orb. Basically it lets her escape from the Dissonance by going high in the air. Pastell ends up going over all the trees, to high altitude. By then, it’s night. She then falls all the way to Earth, being so high up she can see the sun rising from the other side of the world.

Pastell hits the water, causes a tsunami of a splash, and goes down under at least 300 feet. She “dies” and somehow wakes up in the nurse’s office and got told she had surgery.

Pastell doesn’t know how much of that scenario was a dream, or if it even was a dream at all. And if it was a dream, then when exactly did it start?

This causes a mystery. Is Celestine even real? Pastell’s fourth love could just be a figment of her imagination...

That night Pastell is in her backyard and she drops her iPad and it rolls away into the woods. (How an iPad can roll, I don’t know.)

She runs after it in the woods until it falls in a giant drain pipe. Pastell goes in the drain pipe as well to retrieve her precious iPad. But the drain pipe leads to some sort of dark maze and the only quick way out is through a roller coaster. A dark, scary, creaky, old, one-person roller-coaster.

Pastell is terrified but rides it anyway. She comes out in the middle of the polluted, industrial city. Great, now she’s lost again. Then she meets an elf named Alvarina who is also lost. They have an adventure together to get out of the industrial city, that involves riding a giant chicken. There’s still the danger of The Car, however, which could be anywhere. Pastell falls in love with Alvarina, who is a beautiful singer and very pretty.

Eventually, Pastell finds out that Celestine is real. But get this, she’s dating Alvarina!

Her fourth AND fifth loves are now over too!

And, that’s all I have for now.

[shiroiraiha]

do you have any places you'd recommend visiting in japan? or any tips? especially as a naruto fan? (i'm thinking of traveling there next year so i'd love to hear your thoughts) thank you in advance! i love your blog

Thank you and yes definitely! I’ve only been to Tokyo and around Mount Fuji (Fujinomiya and Kamakura) so I can only give you advice for these areas but I experienced a lot so I definitely have a lot to share lol (also feel free to message me if you have any specific questions!)

Also this got super long so I’ll put a keep reading line here lol

Okay so here are some tips I learned for traveling in Japan:

- They are a cash based society so credit/debit cards aren’t accepted in most places (even restaurants and stores won’t take them)

- If you’re not used to traveling by subway and figuring out how to get around apps like Google Maps and Japan Transit can be a lifesaver

- If you’re going to be in a specific city for a while look into getting an IC card for the subway since they are easier to manage than the tickets (when using tickets you put it into the stall but make sure you take it back before going through! You’ll have to put it into the stall when you get to where you are going - does that make sense lol)

- The Google Translate app has a camera function for reading Kanji and Kana on signs and translating it and it’s actually very useful! (Most major signs in Tokyo like at train/subway stations will have English but if you’re going into the countryside this won’t be the case.)

- Not as many people speak English as you would think so learn some basic phrases you can use to help you get around (like asking if they speak English or how to ask where something is - message me if you’d like to know how to say some stuff!)

- Look up how to use their toilets!! Japanese bathrooms are awesome (and so are their toilets haha) but everything is usually in Kanji so it would be helpful to look up the Kanji for flush (大 - big flush; 小 - little flush) (and other stuff if you wanna use the bidet, etc)

- Usually when trying on clothes you have to take your shoes off before entering the dressing room (and always before entering someone’s house!)

- As weird as it sounds, convenience stores are your best friend (7/11, Lawson, Family Mart). Unlike in the States these stores are actually convenient lol they have a ton of food (like onigiri, soba, etc!) and anything you might need/want quickly like paper towels, toilet paper, toothpaste, band aids, water, dish detergent, sweets, tights, hair dye, etc. They also all have atms that accept most American cards (this is where I took out money all the time).

- Also research general manners in Japan, every culture has their own way of doing things and it would be polite to learn a little of what they see as polite or rude (wouldn’t want to be a gaijin offending everyone by accident lol)

That’s all I can think of for now lol one thing that really helped me get ready to visit Japan was watching a bunch of vlogs about people living in Japan (mostly Tokyo). I thought they were a lot of fun to watch and I learned a lot about what to expect when I got there. Two of my favorites are Sharla in Japan / Sharmander and Rachel and June.

In terms of Naruto stuff in Tokyo:

I 100% recommend going to J-World Tokyo - it’s only like $10 and you get to walk around this whole area that’s completely Naruto themed (complete with ninja throwing star games, a replica of Ichiraku Ramen, and Naruto music playing over the speakers). It’s completely awesome (I was losing my shit) and definitely worth the money! The area also has a One Piece and Dragon Ball section. Plus J-World is located in the mall that also has the Pokémon Center and a lot of nice shopping.Next I’d recommend definitely visiting Akihabara. This is basically a section of Tokyo that’s famous for all it’s anime/manga related stores like Animate (like a 7 story store where each floor has something different and anime related) which is where I bought some Naruto art books and used Naruto manga (obviously it’s all in Japanese but still cool to have some originals - the manga looks different in Japan - and art books are mostly pictures). Around this area you’ll find a huge amount of anime related goods from books to plushies to gacha machines. Definitely visit Animate (and Super Potato if you’re into video games) but otherwise just walk around the main strip and there’ll be so many random stores you’ll be drawn into. (The Sega arcades are also a ton of fun - Japanese arcades rock!).My last Naruto/anime related spot in Tokyo would be Nakano Broadway which is like a giant mall in Tokyo full of anime/manga/cosplay related stores (among other things). A lot here I believe is used but used things in Japan aren’t like in the States - everything (mostly) is in good quality (I got a couple Naruto and Inuyasha original mangas here too). This place is like 6 floors and is HUGE. Not everything is anime related in here but most stores are and it’s fun to wander each floor to see what cool stuff you can find.Honestly Tokyo is full of anime (like I mean it’s literally everywhere) and Naruto is very popular (plus Boruto is airing now) so you’re bound to see something Naruto or Boruto related sooner or later even if you don’t visit these places.

Non Naruto Recommendations:

Alright so I don’t know if you watch Studio Ghibli movies but if so I definitely recommend going to the Studio Ghibli museum in Tokyo. It’s only about $10 and, I can’t stress this enough, IT’S AMAZING!! I honestly wasn’t expecting much but let me tell you it is so cool inside it’s 100% worth it (unfortunately can’t take pics inside). But be careful because you have to get tickets like a month in advance and they only go on sale for a specific day every month - here’s where you can find information about the tickets

I would also recommend visiting some shrines and temples while you’re there. They are all very beautiful and even if you can’t read about the history they are really cool to see plus it’s cool to be able to participate in this part of their culture by prayer, fortune telling in the bigger ones and/or collect the shrine stamps. I went to a few but the big ones that were really cool in Tokyo were the Meiji Shrine and Sensoji Temple (Sensoji is really cool as it’s in Asakusa and has a huge market full of awesome things to buy leading up to it and you could even rent a kimono to wear for the day!).

If you’re interested in shopping (for clothes and just awesome Japanese things like plushies, accessories, etc) Definitely check out Takeshita street in Harajuku, Tokyo. There’s soooo much shopping and even if you don’t wanna buy anything it’s a lot of fun to see the cool fashion everyone is wearing or to just browse through the array of stores (definitely check out Kiddy Land btw it’s so cute you’ll wanna die…in a good way lol).

Mount Fuji, of course, is beautiful. I didn’t get to actually see it much because apparently in summer and early fall it’s surrounded by clouds a lot but the little I did see of it was breathtaking. I also climbed it which is the hardest thing I’ve ever done (and completely out of character like exercise? me???) but it was really awesome lol

Alright that ends my extremely long recommendations for Japan lmao (I’m sorry! Why did this become so long lol) I hope this wasn’t boring af but if you ever want some more specifics please feel free to message me or send another ask if you’d prefer (though it’d be easier to talk back and forth on messages)

[osetljiv]

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2odvuQkrlARSSv6Pvm41GM?si=sjzD66aFTGa5TkMfcIurtQ)

hi i am doing this solely for myself/my own records so please feel free to ignore!!!!!! i wanted to challenge myself by making a top 10 albums list from the last decade - it was rly difficult because my ass truly cannot cut things down and be decisive, but here it is! 

i know many ppl r not into this kinda thing, but i really really love symbolic gestures - i love the idea that a new year (or a new decade!) can wipe ur slate clean, can give u a chance to be hopeful and excited and look forward to things - i hate change and i hate endings but the one good thing to come of them are beginnings! i love new starts, i love freshness, i love blank slates. i know that the end of the year/decade is arbitrary and doesn’t rly mean anything in the long run but....... it is important and super special to me!!!

i’m really not good with words/proper descriptions of the music itself, so i mainly just describe memories/associations i make to the albums, so don’t expect a proper music critic’s review or anything LOL… i am also not ranking by objective quality, but influence - these r the albums that personally made the biggest impact on me since 2010. i started off the decade age 13 and finished it in 2019 at age 23..... so clearly that is a very big difference in stages of life!!! i completed my teenage years, graduated from elementary school, high school & university.... i went thru many different friend groups, many different personality changes...... several big life events occurred…. many many hours were spent listening to music. and now i’m here! 

my only rules were 1. had to be on repeat for a significant amount of time, 2. preferably only one album per artist (to force me to pick between them), and 3. i had to consistently listen to the album as a whole (as opposed to just a few songs out of it)...... some of my fav songs in the world aren’t on these albums bc they were either released before 2010 or i didn’t listen to the rest of the album except for a handful of songs (as is usually the case for me). so the albums on this list are markers in my life, and i could (and did!) listen to them front and back. and ALSO they are not ranked from 1-10...... it was literally difficult enough choosing just 10 and i truly would not survive having to rank them as well. in release date order, here they are!!!!!

 owen pallett - heartland (jan 12th, 2010)

okay i know i just said i wouldn’t rank these but........... well this one is #1 regardless lol!!! the rest are not in any sort of order but this one has to be first (and how lucky that it was released first too!!!) this is the most important/special album to me in the world - it’s the first album released by my favourite musician under his real name, it has some of my most favourite songs of all time on it - it’s probably the first album in my life that i loved and listened to as a whole! when I was younger i never used to have favourite singers or favourite writers or favourite artists - i would have one favourite song/book/painting but never look into the creator’s other work, never had any interest in organizing things that way. but this is the first time i thought - “i adore this song..... and i adore all the other songs this person makes.... so i guess i like this whole album?” not to mention it’s a whole story and world - heartland tells a whole fable and sounds so beautiful doing so. owen was also the first concert i’ve ever been to! he is so beautiful and wonderful and this album is perfect and has my heart and can do no wrong! and as a plus it was released right at the beginning of 2010 so it truly started off the decade and set the pace. i really don’t know what else to say! heartland was a constant throughout the last ten years - i can’t tie it to one specific moment or feeling the way i can with the other albums. this one was really just the background of my whole adolescence, i guess, and i’ll love owen and this album forever!!!! love love love

 gorillaz - plastic beach (march 3, 2010)

i honestly didn’t listen to this album as a whole until the summer after grade 11/before grade 12 when i had to take summer school for math bc i failed (first class i had ever failed :’)!!) and needed the credit for my grade 12 courses (many of which i ended up failing anyway lol) BUT i still had hope at this point so this summer wasn’t that bad..... i remember i had to buy my own bus pass for the summer w my own work money for the first time and walk to the mall bus stop every day all summer to take the city bus downtown to the highschool that used to b a prison (RIP, it got torn down this year) to take summer math from 8-3, 5 days a wk. i loved those classes surprisingly? i remember that summer i dressed so cute every day, i would wear my extra ass dresses and knee high socks and do my hair all cute...... i’d steal my mom’s old lady sweaters w mini skirts and make my own coffee to bring w me and felt so adult..... i didn’t make any friends bc i thought they were all too cool but later learned that the girls in class rly liked me and remembered me the next year when i’d see them at their highschool when visiting for a trivia tournament (don’t judge!!!!) also the first time i got hit on bc a 30 yr old man in my class somehow got my email from the teacher and sent me a creepy email asking me out and i was too scared to go to school the next day lol..... truly feels surreal. but yes i would listen to this album (and demon dayz!) on repeat cuz i found the full albums uploaded to youtube so i remember i would just listen to the entire album all the way thru for the duration of the bus ride while looking out the window and daydreaming bc i couldn’t skip any songs and I couldn’t go on my phone bc the music only plays if u keep the youtube app open…. so it’s hard to listen to the songs individually now because i just picture the transitions every time!

 caribou - swim (april 20, 2010)

this was my summer between grade 8 - grade 9! up until this point i only had a handful of western artists that i listened to (before highschool i listened almost exclusively to Japanese doujin groups that remixed video game music…. do NOT judge!!!) and i felt soooo cool when i started listening to this album/others like it… had odessa downloaded on my zen creative mp3.... so freaking good!! got so embarrassed of my music taste after this LOL cuz my brother saw the album cover on my phone in highschool and asked what hipster shit i was listening to. little did he know.... its GOOD!!!! such a great album to just listen to all the way through. perfect background music for studying/ /walking/smoking/literally doing anything to! i can still listen to it and pinpoint different/new melodies in the back in certain songs. so good!!!

 crystal castles - (II) (april 23, 2010)

so many 2010 albums wow but LISTEN....... i first heard crystal castles in either 2010 or 2011, immediately after i first made a tumblr in grade 9.... this was the era when offensive bloggers and hipster british bloggers were like the only 2 sections of tumblr...... one of the first ppl i followed was this one super popular british blogger, this kid from london who was probs 15 and he had like, a pale grunge aesthetic and rly long bangs that covered his eyes.... i forget his name omg i wish i could see what he was doing now! but ya i loved him i thought he was the coolest thing ever, i went on his blog and he had autoplay and pap smear was the first song that started playing...... i remember being like wtf is this??? first time i heard music like that, with the video game sounds mixed in and the vocals so distorted. i literally was enamoured like i remember thinking i should hate it and wtf r these british freaks listening to but like..... i could NOTTTT STOP and i remember i wouldn’t even bother looking up the song on youtube or anything, when i wanted to listen to the song i would just go to this guy’s tumblr LOOOOOL god!!!! on the outside i was a cutesy girly girl but on the inside i was a pale grunge hipster british tumblr user!

 beach house - bloom (may 15, 2012)

this album is just the sweetest, prettiest memory…. it’s so.. crisp? and clear and pure and loving! beach house was (unsurprisingly) my spotify artist of the decade and i don’t care what rep they get or how similar their music may sound i love them with my entire heart! discovered them from tumblr (as i did most of my fav highschool albums) - first beach house song i ever heard was wild - i remember the first time i started being (SLIGHTLY) less mortified of talking about my music taste to other people, it was maybe in first year? i had gotten into my friend’s car, before we got super close, and she was playing a song off of bloom i think! and i remember my heart just stopped!!!! and i was so absolutely terrified of saying anything, but even moreso excited to see someone whose opinion i cared about who was listening to music that i liked, and so i gathered all my strength and tried to be super casual and say something like “oh, you like beach house, too?” (meanwhile i was literally shaking with nerves…..) and she just so easily said “yeah, i love this song!” and it was the most validating, comforting thing! and a while after that, one of my favourite memories: my other friend got hired at a local café/tea shop, the teeniest little place – it was like 3x4 metres, max – and she would close the store alone, and it was always completely dead, so the group of us would go and sit with her for her entire shift in this sweet warm little store – we’d have tea and coffee and scones – and over the store speakers, she would play whatever we wanted – and for a while i didn’t make suggestions, let everyone else choose, but! i worked my way up to suggesting she play bloom – and she would play the album all the way through, and she surprisingly really liked it?? and then it became the default soundtrack to our tiny hangouts in the tiny café :’)

 toro y moi - anything in return (jan 16, 2013)

WOWWWW truly such a throwback....... this is the first time i felt cool, TRULY cool listening to music LMAOOOO SO EMBARRASSING!!! i remember the day it came out, grade 11 i guess??? but i swear it must have leaked way earlier cuz i remember listening to this way before.... my fav tumblr user at the time (kiki deerhoof LMFAO now THAT is a throwback!!!!) was always posting abt toro y moi and made a mixtape w his music on it and i fell in love..... and i wanted to be cool too! so i would obsessively listen to this album when it dropped. the album drop also overlapped w the moment my grades/effort in school went on a steep decline (not that it caused it ofc but this was like…. the background music to my demise, in a way!) i’ll never forget listening to so many details on my chilly walk past my old elementary school at 6am to get to my bus stop - way too cool for school

 mac demarco - salad days (apr 1, 2014)

how fitting that chamber of reflection is playing in the coffee shop as i type this :’) this album was the soundtrack to my late grade 12/entire grade 13 experience. i was SO thoroughly and unbearably depressed LOOOOL it was really awful… i’m laughing now thinking back at it but honestly the feeling of being left behind by all of your friends and having to come to terms with not meeting ur own expectations of urself… having to repeat a year and being the oldest one in ur classes…… SO AWFUL!!!! really truly idk how i did it! but the whole time, all year, i would listen to this album. i would always play it on my walk to the city bus (in grade 13 i never made the actual school bus and i don’t even know how much money i must have paid taking the city bus every day bc i truly could not get out of bed early enough to take the free school bus but ALAS……) and i swear to you that entire year was grey and foggy and cold and damp… and i would play salad days (the song itself) and my emo ass would associate 100% with mac singing “oh mama, acting like my life’s already over….. oh dear, act your age and try another year,” and i swear he was singing it just for me, trying to slap me out of my stupor by saying “calm down, ur fine, ur life isn’t over, it’s just one year and you’ll be back on track!” and sometimes, SOMETIMES!! it worked!

 azealia banks - broke with expensive taste (nov 7, 2014)

i know i know..... i’m aware how we feel about azealia now....... and i know how overstated it is when ppl say “she may be problematic but she was an artistic GENIUS!!!” so i will not add more to the conversation but....... is this album not pristine? like what a masterpiece????? this album straight up defined my highschool experience even tho it was released at the beginning of grade 12..... all of grade 12/13 i was blasting this album while walking down the hallway hating literally everything! i grew up idolizing my bro and all he listened to (techno/house/etc) and loving it but being too embarrassed of copying him to get too into it, but then hearing azealia sound cute and sexy and scary while interpolating all these house beats. LITERALLY chicken soup for the soul… it felt like she made it just for me!! and even before bwet actually dropped, listening to 212 and all of her other singles waiting for her to finally drop the album she was tweeting about for years, like i don’t remember the last time i anticipated an album for soooo long? and she dropped it days after my 17th bday which really was such a perfect gift. listening to this w my friend who also loved azealia, pretending we were cool as SHIT and so grown up...... beyond influential

 frank ocean - blonde (aug 20, 2016)

ur lying if this album wasn’t a pivotal moment for u......... blonde is the sole reason summer 16 is viewed as a cultural landmark. i SWEAR!!!! i may have spent 8 hours a day on tumblr in 2016 but my ass was NOT cool enough to have been listening to frank ocean prior to blonde..... no i never listened to channel orange before this, yes i know i was behind the times! 2016 was the summer after my 1st year of uni, august i had just finished my summer school course so my summer was just starting (i was re-taking 1st year math bc i failed..... some things never change huh!!!! lied to my dad and told him i was tryna get ahead by taking bio in summer school... he believed me till he caught me in a lie by chatting w my friend he bumped into at walmart LOL.... and yet he never said a word :’) an angel) this was also the summer my dad left for a few months to go travelling across canada, he was gone all summer and my bro was busy working and so was my mom and i had the car all to myself for the first time. went on SOOO many drives this summer blasting this album. not to mention that since my dad wasn’t home the responsibility to drive my mom to work fell on me and wow i LOVED it? i realized i love having little responsibilities and having ppl rely on me in little ways like this..... i loved going to bed at 3am and having my mom gently wake me up at 5:30am, having a coffee with her before leaving in my ratty pajamas to drive her to work, the sun was just rising but it was already sooo hot, that summer i remember i couldn’t even hold the steering wheel cuz it was burning and my car didn’t (still doesn’t!) have AC, i’d drop her off to work up on the mountain and as i drove down the escarpment i would roll down the windows and blast pink + white right as the sun began to peek over the clouds and i would take a pretty sunrise pic every time before driving around for a bit, listening to this album, going home, and going back to sleep till 2pm

 blood orange - negro swan (aug 24, 2018)

i fully expected this list to be mainly albums released earlier in the decade, which makes sense – they would’ve had more time to have an effect on me – but as the final/most recent entry on my list, this album was beautiful enough to be a consistent part of the most recent year-and-a-half of my life!!! it’s also unique in that it’s one of the only albums on this list, i think, where i had already been a big fan of the artist’s previous work and was waiting for the album to drop. not 2 sound like one of THOSE people but i often find myself liking the first albums i heard from an artist/their older music better than newer work they release (not always!!! but often!), not from any kind of elitism or anything but honestly probably just nostalgia fogging my taste? especially for my first listen of a new album – it usually takes some time and a few re-listens before i really enjoy a newer release – BUT! from the moment dev released the album cover (which is so beautiful? one of my fav album covers off the top of my head) and dropped the first 2 singles, ESPECIALLY charcoal baby, i was so so enamoured with the album, right from the start. that whole summer i had it on repeat – early the next year i saw dev play in Toronto, and it was one of the best concerts i’ve ever been to – the lighting and colours and his dancing and demeanour, the other vocalists, plus we were right up at the stage, it was so stunning!!!!! this album has consistently appeared on all of my various spotify playlists, it rly can suit all moods and occasions, i love it very much and it’s the perfect album to round out my past decade in music!

 honourable mentions: SPEED ROUND

yes i’m a CHILD that cannot commit to cutting things down...... but tbh i’m surprised enough that i was able to preen my list into a top 10 anyway. so these r the honourable mentions that i couldn’t live with myself if i didn’t mention in some way!!!! all also very good and important and special to me, in no particular order!

mount kimbie - love what survives: i won’t lie this one hurt to not include on my top 10 :( i’m surprised too.... my friend rly fought for this to be included but i had to listen to my heart!!! however ofc i HAD to include it here at the very least. i was so shocked when it dropped, it was nothing like the rest of mount kimbie’s stuff i had previously heard.... i discovered them randomly when i was studying and spotify did that annoying thing where it plays “artist radio” or whatever so one of their older songs came on shuffle and WOW it was so good! and then i properly listened to them after hearing their songs with king krule... anyway this album is stunning and i am SO sad i didn’t get to see them when they came to toronto but i promise myself (and u!) that i will go the next time they come by!!!! u have my word!

foals - holy fire: this one also hurts a lot to not include :((( a LOT a lot! this one i’m really fond of, my fav foals album and one of the main albums i associate with highschool! so pretty, i’ll never forget hearing holy fire (the song itself) for the first time, so angry and satisfying and GOOD!!!

king krule - 6ft beneath the moon/the ooz: love both these albums soooo so much, i think 6fbtm came closer to almost being in the top 10 but others had it beat juuust slightly - these albums defined the beginning/end of my uni career, respectively, and i’ll cherish them forever! love archie’s ugly ginger ass with my whole heart

james blake - the colour in anything: was such a fan of james and was so excited when this album dropped - it was the start of summer i think? and i would always play it when i went for bike rides to the beach with my dad! such pretty music to drive ur bike to beside the water, all the way down the waterfront until we got to the next city over, riding past all the rich ppl’s mansions and trying to sneak a glance into their windows as we rode by

beyonce - self-titled: obviously the day this dropped - w no promo whatsoever - was a critical moment in music history!! we played this obsessively in high school, blasted this album the entire Europe trip in grade 12 and it just reminds me of travelling and planes and France…. so sexy!

solange - a seat at the table: rly truly a gorgeous album!! we played this in the car when my friends and i trekked to Toronto early one fall morning right after it dropped, we skipped school to go to some event at a café, and we had to wake up DUMB early, like 4:30AM, and i went to go pick them up and we were all way too tired to talk to eachother and stressed cuz we absolutely COULDN’T miss the train so i played this album the whole drive there while the sun was rising and it was so calming and pretty and special

[mikascnfportfolio]

The Heart and Soul: Cubao Expo and Ali X

     As a child of strict parents, my options on venturing far are very limited. Any place outside Quezon City is a no-no so I thought to myself, “What now?” Luckily, Cubao is a few blocks from my house and off I went, along with Gabriel Gillego and Michael Parocha last January 4.

     If you are a fan of Bita and the Botflies, the indie band, they featured Cubao in one of their music videos, “Tagu-taguan.” The whole song illustrates the vibe the place has to offer, it is a place for the laid-back, the eccentric, and peculiar. Cubao is also the Stellan’s third home, with students frequenting the area after school hours. Even former Stellans still roam around the area.

     Cubao is alive in the hearts of the Quezon City people 24/7. While the sun is up, the neighboring malls give them several choices on where to shop. Famously known for the malls like Gateway, Farmer’s Plaza, Alimall, and SM Cubao. And if you want to go grocery shopping, there’s Puregold, Shopwise, and Isetan! Did you know that Shopwise stands at the former Fiesta Carnival? And what is Cubao without the Araneta Coliseum and the New Frontier Theatre? The former is known for hosting the much-awaited UAAP games while the latter hosts concerts from both local and international artists.

     With Cubao being jam-packed at day, it’s somewhat different at night when the lanterns of Manhattan lights up! In my opinion, that’s when its real beauty comes out, through the music and get-togethers on the areas of bars, restaurants, and many more.Now how would one go to Cubao? Well, if you’re a student from Stella Maris College, just cross the road from the Cambridge street, and you’re golden! But if you’re from another school, take the LRT and get off the Araneta-Cubao station. You can also take the MRT as well as jeepneys to arrive at the place. Since I live near the vicinity, I just walk. It’s my daily exercise.

     While the rest of the city sleeps, Cubao Expo comes to life.

     Formerly known as the Marikina Shoe Expo, Cubao Expo is a go-to for lovers of street and art culture as well as thrift shoppers. Once a place for Marikina made footwear in 1997, though some shoe stops still stand to this day, it saw a revival in the 2000s. The horseshoe-like complex houses shops meant to appeal to a variety of subcultures. There are unique and quirky stores meant to cater to artists, musicians, skaters, surfers, foodies, and party-goers.

     Cubao Expo is just a little walk from SM Savemore. At the first end, one is greeted with WCHA Fashion Haus, an ukay-ukay shop. Shops like these are abundant around Cubao, perfect for people who want to look fashionable without breaking the bank and the environment!

     I went inside to hopefully try on and find new clothes. And upon entering, I paused. Is it me or is it all ukay shops have that distinctive smell?  My nose caught a whiff of the smell of old clothes as if they carried the memories of the people that once worn them or the memories of the department store they came from. While it is true that clothes found here are hand-me-downs, some are new and discarded items. Now thrift shopping is one of my guilty pleasures, I once recalled I spent around 500 pesos at one sitting for clothes. Terrible, I know. The store was kept tidy, it was even air-conditioned! Price tags such as “100 pesos,” “75 pesos,” and “20 pesos” can be found on top of each rack indicating how much that piece of clothing is. There is also an area for “New Arrival” items, but those are too expensive so I avoided them like the plague.

     Ukay stores usually get a bad reputation because of how dirty the clothes are, and how these kinds of shops are for the financially-challenged. But I digress, since textile waste from fast fashion is usually a problem, and clothes usually take time to degrade. So why not give thrift shops a chance? Besides, it’s less likely someone has the same piece of clothing and it also encourages you to be creative with your outfits.

     After paying for the clothes, we walked down the curved street of the Expo.

     Remember Art in Island? How about Bellini’s Italian Restaurant? The Cubao Expo is their home. And as for their neighboring tenants, there were an assortment of shops that can be found. There were shops for shoes, ukeleles and other instruments, organic and eco-friendly products, skateboards, surfboards, streetwear, vinyl records and tapes, books, arts and craft supplies, and one can even get their haircut at a barbershop there!

     At the curved point, one can find the cafes and bars Cubao Expo is famously known for, examples are Tacio’s and Humidor. It was a perfect place for a drinking session with one's barkada, with the chill and cozy ambiance coupled with OPM playing in the background and with lights and lanterns above your head. But of course, we didn’t drink.

     We also went inside to look at the different antiques and a plethora of things can be found. There were old figurines, vintage telephones, old watches, toys, paintings, even newspaper clippings, and advertisements. At one point, I asked the owner if I can film inside her shop. The lady, with a smile, told me, “No.” I was honestly sad because imagine the IG- worthy shots one can take. But that’s the policy, and we have to abide since we did not want to be kicked out by the security guards roaming the area. After leaving the store, there was also a “No Smoking” sign plastered on the wall.

     Our last stop before going to Alimall was the shops offering old cassette tapes and vinyl records. Through the dim lights, I browsed the colorful but worn-out covers of the records. Music artists from across each decade, both local and international, can be found. Most notable were the vinyl records of Elvis Presley, the Beatles, and the Beach Boys. There was even a “The Sound of Music” vinyl!

     Aside from Cubao Expo, Ali X is another go-to place for thrift and antique shoppers.

    Opened last March 2019, the lantern filled lane of Alimall was inaugurated as ALI X and is said to be inspired by the grand bazaars of Europe. It aims to be a haven for casual goers and hobbyists alike. It houses novelty items, antiques, art, music, and memorabilia. “ALI” stands for Art, Lifestyle, and Interest.

    Unlike in Cubao Expo, one can freely film inside the stores. Just make sure you don’t break anything as that is the number one rule here. Once you do, be ready to pay for what you have broken.

     We first went inside GMB Collectibles and Hangout, and as expected, we were greeted with several unique and novelty items. Car plates, dusty bottles, old photographs, newspapers, and even old documents were on display. But what caught my eye was the sign “Paki-ayos lang pagkatapos guluhin!” That sign surely made me return the items that I browsed in perfect order. Also, while inspecting the different old documents, I made sure to delicately handle them since some were on their way to disintegrating. The next store we payed a visit was Jem’s Antiques and they had some old coins and old banknotes. And if you’re familiar with the “Mickey Mouse” money during the Japanese era, they also have those too! They also sell postage stamps at 5 pesos each and vintage postcards ranging from 100-200 pesos per card.

     A place for the different eras of music, the next stop was at Treskul Records. From the name itself, they sell vinyls, cassette tapes, CDs, and music players. While we were there, a customer handed the shop owner a record and he played it using the turntable. Funky music blasted within the store. The vinyl records were arranged into the genres and decades they belonged too. While we were there, I even saw a vinyl record of an album of The 1975, one of my favorite bands. But as much as I wanted it, I sadly could not afford it since it was too expensive. Another music store, but for instruments, was Happy Music. They offer ukuleles, guitars, kazoos, and kalimbas. Ali- X also has a dinner modeled after the 50’s era. Erin’s Artists’ Lounge and Café serves a variety of dishes from sandwiches, chicken, pork, pasta, and nachos. They also have a mini bulletin board where they feature submitted artworks!

    After going to Ali-X, my peers and I were starving. Since they accompanied me, I treated them to a meal at KFC. We were planning to go to COD, an amusement like park that opens during the “-ber” months of the year in Cubao. They have rides such as Vikings and the Ferris Wheel. The place also has a food bazaar perfect for foodies. But alas, my mother called me and told me to go home.

    Truly, places like these are special  for they keep the history and vibe of the city alive. Maybe next time, I can find more hidden and amazing places. Till then, Cubao Expo and Ali-X will remain the as the “Heart and Soul” of Cubao.

[happysandwichparty-blog]

Japan - Day 7 (Ikebukuro)

Starting out the day I didn’t honestly know a whole lot about Ikebukuro and how long we would be there. I just knew there were two places on my must to visit list there and that’s why we were going.

(Few pictures today!)

I woke up feeling like crap. The Gyoen Gardens adventure from the previous day was hitting my allergies hard. I wasn’t even sure how long I was going to make it before having to come back and sleep.

We got rolling a little bit later in the day, despite getting up at 4:30AM, we didn’t head out until about 9:30AM. It was the usual train rides - Ginza to Ueno, and the JR Yamanote over to Ikebukro. No rush hour today, we left too late - YAY!

Upon getting off the train our first stop was the Kit-Kat Chocolatory. We did take a little detour to get there. The store is in a department store attached to the train station but I seem to have a problem finding entrances from the train station so we exit and came back in through and outside entrance.

On our trek to find the store however we ended up in a grocery store in the station, the food there looked AMAZING! Wouldn’t it be great to be able to just get off the train, pick up your meal, and then walk home? One can dream. That will never be a reality in Arizona.

I digress, we eventually found the sweets area! More amazing cakes here, seriously ive never seen such beautiful little cakes. There were also many traditional Japanese sweet/dessert options to choose from.

Eventually we did find the Kit-Kat store! You aren’t going to find bags of Kit-Kats here, if you want those, hit up a convenience or grocery store! These are gourmet Kit-Kats in fancy boxes that you’d give as a gift. I picked up a box for my mom since they had special mothers day gift boxes. Mothers day is a little ways out, but it’s not like they will go bad in that time, plus we grabbed her a bag of matcha Kit-Kats to give her right away.

After the Chocolatory we wandered around to waste a bit of time in the station area. There was a restaurant I wanted to go to that opened at 11:00AM and was said to get busy very quickly so we were hitting it up right at opening time.

You may have see video’s of this place floating around on social media, it’s called Kura Zushi. Basically it’s a revolving sushi bar, which you can also order from, and you use your empty plates to play a gachapon game!

When we arrived (exactly at 11:00AM), there were already about 4 groups waiting. You walk up to the machine and get a ticket for your group. The machine is completely in Japanese, no English, as is the ticket. The staff is willing to help you get a ticket if needed, or you can just let someone go in front of your and watch. It was actually simple. Green button, party number, and then tap the final two buttons, done! - you now have a ticket!

They will call your number in Japanese so make sure you are paying attention. Basic understanding of numbers will probably do you good in Japan anyway.

On to the food! The sushi was very good for only being about $1 per plate.

They have some unique combinations - salmon with cheese? Surprisingly amazing.

We stuffed our faces, much more than we normally would. We have some revolving bars back home and it’s surprising if we eat more than 8 plates. Today we ate 16. Really I wanted a gatchapon and it took 5 plates to try your luck.

Spoilers. 3 tries. We did not win. The guy next to us won on his first try though, not fair! We do have a small vlog we filmed of this place so hopefully ill edit that and get it up pretty quick (i’ll link it here once finished).

One last thing about restaurants in general, many places have a pot of powdered matcha sitting on the table, cups, and a hot water dispenser so you can make your own tea! Surprisingly I actually like green tea, I don’t like many other teas.

This places is very convenient, when you are done you tap the check button on the tablet at your table, they come check your plate count, and you head off to pay up front!

After stuffing our faces we decided it was time to walk a bunch! Good plan. We were walking over to Sunshine City, which is a shopping mall. On the way we stopped at Round One and a few other game locations. There were a bunch. I found the Neko Atsume machine and again failed horribly. I also tried a Disney plush machine, had better luck but still didn't win anything.

We were once again off to Sunshine City. It’s a very traditional mall that we are all used to, and it was pretty nice! They had a fun water feature in the main atrium.

Our main goal here was to find the Pokemon Center! We did take a detour into the Disney Store though. Again, I wanted to buy so many things, but I will wait until we are at the Disney Resort. SOON!

After Disney we head up to the Pokemon Center. It was pretty busy, but all of the staff were super friendly and polite and did everything they could to make people feel welcome. We did end up buying quite a few things. I picked up 3 or 4 items for my Twitch giveaway, and also a few for myself! Included were a cute mug, a Ditto shirt tank top combo, and some socks.

Two side notes. Everyone in Japan has adorable phone wallet cases. They are everywhere and it’s making me really want one, the ones for sale at the Pokemon Center were super cute. Second, no one has face plates for the regular New 3DS, which is making me sad. Yodobashi is the only place and the selection was not great.

I digress, we went to purchase all of our items and it turns out there was some deal on socks! Who knew! I ended up getting a 3rd pair for free.

As mentioned the staff were great. They went out of their way to make customers feel welcome, they brought a basket of socks to the register for me to pick the 3rd pair instead of making me run through the store to find them. They make sure my items were double bagged so nothing would break, and they even offered me as many special decorative extra bags as I wanted in case I was getting gifts for people. I left very happy.

On the way out there were more Gachapon and penny presses. I did press a penny, which were provided in the machine, brand new and shiny! And of course another gachapon.

On our way out we stopped at Axes Femme. We visit their store in Shinjuku but it was small, this one was large! I did end up purchasing 3 items, mostly for work. This is a good store if you still like that lolita style, but want to be able to tone it down for real world situations.

After this we left Sunshine City and head across the street to the Animate. Which apparently had moved and was no longer an Animate. We still went inside because now there were 4 floors hat were cosplay stores.

This was a unique experience as a cosplayer. There were full costumes for sale, which wasn’t the awesome part to me actually, since I just make my own. It was the wide selection of wigs, contacts, props, shoes, glove, makeup and god knows what else that was all in one store easily accessible! Those small things are sometimes the hardest part of cosplay in the States because they are hard to get,you have to make them! Hell they had a prop violin you could buy!

Anyway! After having a moment we left to find the new Animate. Ikebukuro was bustling, it was a very fun area with a lot to do. There were a lot of teenagers and young adults around having a good time. It felt a lot like a less over the top Akihabara. I think I may actually like Ikebukuro a bit more.

We found the Animate! Which felt like it catered more to Women than the other one we went to. The whole area did really, a ton of women and girls around and a lot of people dressed up in alternative fashions. What I would have expected in Akihabara we actaully saw here.

We did not buy anything at the Animate but I did actually see things I liked in this ones. I think the thing holding us back from buying anything is that Idol anime and sports anime are super popular right now so it’s almost all you see. Neither of us are into those so we are left stranding. You wont find anything for older anime, if you do its in some corner and no one cares. It’s definitely what is popular now, which is understandable.

After leaving the Animate we head back to the station to head back to Asakusa. On the way in we ran into Ikefukuro, and owl statue, that like Hachiko is a place where a lot of locals wait when meeting up with someone.

We took the usual route home, JR to Ueno, Ginza to Asakusa. Upon getting off at Asakusa we found ourselves in a grocery and sweets store we hadn’t seen yet. We took this opporunity to get something sweet and yummy!

We spent much of the evening being lazy before going out to grab some food. We picked KFC because KFC is a suprisingly big deal in Japan (seriously they eat it as their Christmas meal), so I wanted to see what the differences were.

First major difference, no mashed potatoes. WHAT. Now I don’t really eat KFC at home, but mashed potatoes are a pretty big staple when it comes to fried chicken, at least in my opinion. Instead they have Coloneling Potatoes. Which are kind of just potato wedges in  unique shape, they were actually pretty good.

The chicken itself was good quality, seemed better than home. The one difference with the chicken was the breading was lighter, it wasn’t as ticket and crunchy, which I honestly think was better, it wasn’t overbearing. The final difference on the food we tried was the biscuit, the honey was more like a maple syrup, still good though!

After dinner we ate our desserts and then I rolled off into bed at my allergies were starting to bother me again.

My sleeping area is starting to become a fortress of shopping bags from everything we’ve purchased. By the time we finish Disney I don’t think i’ll be able to get in my bed!

[justfollowmyhansel]

October 14th -- Standing Before You in the Divide Between Matinee and Evening Show

I slept a little deeper into the next morning than I had the night before, still rousing when Miya’s alarm went off, but less excited-anticipation for the First Show that I was going to be able to actually see John perform at. I was still very excited to see the shows, but there’s a certain type of first night jitters, whether you’re performing or watching, that you really only get on Special Occasions. And even if you’re performing for five nights in front of the Queen of England, you get a different sort of feeling on the first performance than you do the following four.

Late the previous night, I had decided that I was going to count the times that I’ve seen John perform that were streamed over the internet as times that I’ve seen John perform live. Both ways felt intimate in terms of actually being there, watching him at the same time that he was performing, and that and only a limited number of people in the venue actually mattered at the time (the performers, myself, my friend), but both ways also felt very detached since in neither instance was I as an audience member actually interacting with the performance. Unless, of course, you count one of the main quotes from Shortbus: “Voyeurism is participation.”

Of course, being in the second row with the possibility of actually touching John’s hand as he walked by or having one of the numerous audience participating pieces directed towards me was fully exhilarating, but those moments were different from the rest of the show moments. As were the moments of feeling like I was being watched by the performers.

For breakfast, I finished the rest of the raisin sandwiches that I had started the previous day and had more tea.

After breakfast, Miya showed me some of the programs and flyers she had gotten for various shows. The focus was mostly on things from RENT as both of us count it as a favourite show and there has been a lot produced that talks about RENT. Yesterday, we had looked through the Hedwig programs for every Japanese production. It was more quickly flipping through and briefly discussing since Miya very generously gifted them to me and we both figured I’d have more time to look at them later. A couple of them had interviews with John that she said she would translate later for me when she had time.

The RENT programs were interesting since this year’s and iirc 2015’s productions featured multiple actors for most of the roles and it depended on when you went as to which combination you saw. This year’s program was one you could rearrange to have the bios and interviews from the cast you had seen up front. Miya had chosen to leave hers in the order it came in not only because she had seen the show multiple times with different configurations, but because she liked it better that way. I thought that made perfect sense. One of the programs had a glossary in the back that talked about what some of the things mentioned in RENT such as Alphabet City, AZT, or ACT Up were/are since those things are more specific to New York/America.

As we flipped through the pages, Miya told me brief antidotes about seeing this cast or that person or who that person was in Japanese media. Or American. Occasionally, she pulled duplicate flyers and small programs from her binder for me as further gifts to go along with the Hedwig programs and magazines she had given me the day before.

We listened to the Hedwig soundtrack two or three times before I had to leave for the show. I left later than we had the day before, this time not intending to spend just the entire day at the Hikarie– just most of it!

Miya walked with me down to the train station, taking me as far as the first gate before heading back to her apartment. Since she wasn’t seeing the matinee with me, she was going to spend some time working on her workstuff for a couple of hours and meet up with me me before the second show.

The day before, I had taken photos on our way to the theatre, trying not to take too many touristy ones and overwhelm the ones I was using to navigate the relatively straight forward, but still largely in another language, way to the venue.

While I was on the train, John started an Instagram live video. The first one he'd ever done. And the Wi-Fi in Japan on the train was so slow I couldn't load it! Hedwig in distress! I posted to my rp blog hoping that someone was still up and could grab it for me. As it turned out; Miya, Risa, and my mother were able to grab the first one he did for me. The other(s) that night... not so much.

Despite semi-panicking and coordinating the taping of JCM’s livestreams across what ended up being two continents and three time zones, I made it to the theatre relatively calmly. Or rather -- as calmly as one can be when going to experience John Cameron Mitchell as Hedwig Hedwig live for the second time.

I had a couple of minutes and I chose to wander back towards one of the counters in the department store that had caught my eye the previous day when Miya and I were doing our walkthroughs of the ShinQ Mall -- the M.A.C counter. 

M.A.C. Cosmetics is a company that had been on my radar from before I got into Hedwig. They were the first major makeup company to feature a drag queen in their marketing (RuPaul with Viva Glam) and one of the first makeup companies to have an open policy of corporate responsibility towards the queer community, not only by uplifting and supporting queer pop cultural movements such as Ru or Hedwig, but by donating the proceeds from Viva Glam to HIV/AIDS charities. While other cosmetic companies have had interesting marketing, their support of my communities, ones that I related to strongly before realizing that I myself belonged to them, was something that made the company much more attractive in my eyes. The fact that their makeup was used to create Hedwig’s unique look from the 2001 movie to the most recent Broadway run (and as I’d later confirm off of JCM’s Instagram, the run in Japan I was in the middle of enjoying,) only served to pique my interest further.

Having highly resisted the urge to splurge on buying up the makeups I’d need to better replicate Hedwig’s look so far, I went over to look at their in person stock of blue lipsticks. I’d wanted a nice blue lipstick for awhile and acquiring two stunning purples late last year only served to intensify this. Unfortunately, the amount of companies that make nice blue lipsticks and glosses at affordable prices is low, but there was no harm in looking right?

Just as a Japanese cover version of The Smith’s hit ‘This Charming Man’ was midway thru playing on ShinQ’s radio, I looked at my phone clock. I was going to be late!!

I wasn’t actually going to be late, but I wanted to make sure that I had more than enough time to get up the two flights of stairs/escalators I needed to pass after entering the official theatre space, find my seat, go to the bathroom, and otherwise be ready to watch the show at the scheduled show time. And after asking an usher to help me find my way to my seat for the evening, I did just those things and was more than prepared for the next show.

It was stunning being able to actually see some of the things that I had ironically been too close to the stage to see properly the night before. I was torn between wanting to be closer to the stage and wanting to stay exactly where I was with my relatively nice vantage point of being able to see the newly designed graphics for The Origin of Love, being able to more clearly see the drawn versions of the mugshots of Hedwig (and Tommy) that grace the tabloids after their collision with that oncoming shortbus, more clearly seeing all of the action, and feeling less like I was being watched at the same time that I was watching the actors on stage.... But I missed being able to see the actor’s expressions, being able to see exactly the gorgeous microthoughts and expressions flitting across Hedwig’s face as she reacts to the action going on around her and implements the driving influences to the show.

I left the theatre with three distinct feelings on that afternoon’s performance -- One, being in the balcony after being in the second row almost didn’t feel like I was still seeing the show performed live and more like I was seeing it streamed over the internet. Two, being that this performance was far less...kinetic and energetic than the previous night’s. And third, that to truly understand a staging of Hedwig, I would have to sit in at least the first balcony at least once so that I could see what was going on around Hedwig as well as what was going on with Hedwig. Much like how the first few dozen hundred times that I watched the movie or the bootlegged performances from Broadway, I was too emotionally close to Hedwig and the storyline to appreciate it in the same way that I was able to once I was able to allow myself to feel a little more consistent empathy for Tommy and Yitzhak as well as the character I myself had related to so deeply from the moment I saw her.

Regardless to any of those feelings, I once again left the theatre absolutely weak in the knees and at the risk of crossing into tmi territory, feeling as though I’d had a very intense orgasm mere moments before.

I was still gathering my thoughts and feelings about what I had just experienced and how it related to the previous night when Miya texted that she was almost to the theatre. And I still hadn’t made my way back down to the level that I needed to try out the blue lipstick I had had my eye on.... And it had been nearly an hour!

Being a very accommodating host, Miya went with me while I picked out the lipstick and had it applied by one of the makeup artists staffed at the counter, helping me translate what I needed to to convey that I wanted to see what it looked like on and then when I had decided I loved it, helping me get the Prep + Prime stick as well as the lippy.

We did a small amount of wandering/shopping before heading up to the sushi bar again for another lunch. Not that I minded -- this was truly the best sushi that I had ever had in my life.

This time, I tried some of the salmon roe in addition to another order of the salmon with avocado.

The roe was much saltier than I had been expecting that day (which, I really should have been expecting because caviar, if nothing else, has a reputation for being extremely salty.)

What I completely spaced on until we were about ready to go was that I still had the blue lipstick on..... I reapplied it in the bathrooms before heading into the third Hedwig show in Japan and the last that I would have a friend next to me to see.

The show that night was electric. Positively alive. John and Ataru were completely on point with their performances and delivered a piece of theatre that was even better than the night before’s. As an audience member, I was more reactive than I had been the night before, having spend most of Friday smiling at the performers. The audience was even more incredible than the actual opening performance. (Because while for the audience and the performers, it may be the second round of Hedwig, it’s always Hedwig’s opening night.)

I left the show feeling a stronger pull towards wanting to be at the movie premiere on Thursday than I had since arriving. I knew it was still unlikely that I’d get a chance to meet John, though after seeing him perform that particular goal seemed less daunting, but I wanted to go. Perhaps he’d perform like he had at Cannes or do an extended intro to the film or something..... Perhaps, I’d have the chance to be almost as close (or closer!) than I was to him on Friday. Regardless, leaving without seeing the film was feeling more and more like I would be leaving the trip uncompleted. I tried mentioning this to Miya, but my wording was too vague.

After the show, we went back to her apartment, stopping off again at the 7/11 where I bought a shrimp scampi as neither one of us wanted to go through the hassle of going to a restaurant and then going home. For dessert, I had picked out a creation that was coffee jelly suspended in a milky/creamy…sauce for lack of a better word. It was one of the best coffee things I’d had in my life.

Miya microwaved the food for me, helped me to curate that day’s new digital creations (mostly photos), and then as we were going through Twitter together on her iPad, she reminded me of the website that she had found shortly after John’s dates in Japan had been announced so that people in Japan could order merchandise from this year’s Korean productions of Hedwig. She offered to order some things for me and have them delivered to her address since the website didn’t mention international shipping outside of Asia. Plus, if anything went wrong along the way, it’d be easier for Miya to troubleshoot it than for me to since my Japanese was still in the very, very early learning stages.

With Miya’s help, I picked out a list of things that I wanted and sent it to her over Twitter, tabulating the relative cost in the spiral notebook that I had brought with me.