#also how would the MC know what exists outside of her perception

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread    

Into the Midnight Void

part two of a chaotic fantasy duology

our unhinged lesbians try to survive and take power in a gory world of dark magic where water is running out, after more is revealed about the world they live in

i don’t believe in the glorification of murder but i do believe in the empowerment of women

[cheri-translates]

( Wasn't sure were to ask this so I ask in both blog, sorry ) It's time for Victor to act like the suggar daddy he truly is! Do you thinkk if Mc has insecurities about her body he would pay for her plastic surgery? And what about the other boys (since we know they have to money to pay for too)

( ˘⌣˘)♡

Short answer: Money isn’t a problem for them, but I can 101% guarantee that giving MC money to go for plastic surgery wouldn’t be the first thing they do in response to MC voicing her insecurities!

Even if MC decides to undergo the procedure, she would insist that she pays for it herself (though they’ll find a way to do it anyway lol)

Long answer i.e. a headcanon on how the guys (aside from Lucien because I haven’t figured out his characterisation) deal with an MC who's insecure about her body:

[ VICTOR ]

MC has felt insecure about her body long before they even met

Such negativity sinks its fangs deeper into her psyche each time she attends business functions with Victor, where she sees classy women decked out in gorgeous dresses, showing off their hourglass figures

Not to mention the condescending way they look her up and down as though she isn't fit to stand beside Victor

As expected of the CEO of LFG, he quickly figures out what’s going on after MC repeatedly rejects having sumptuous meals at Souvenir, and stops asking for her favourite pudding

After broaching the topic with her carefully, he listens to her quietly as she relates how she was bullied because of her body when she was younger, and how their words have lingered over the years

When her voice cracks and the floodgates open, he wipes her tears away and wraps her in his arms

In a soothing voice, he tells her about how he has always believed that a person’s true beauty radiates from inner confidence and a strong will

Which is why he found MC a sight to behold from the very moment she stood up to him outside his office, eyes burning with a resoluteness reminding him of an unforgettable girl from his past

Coupled with her kindness, authenticity, and adorable naivety, she’s become the most beautiful woman to exist in his eyes

Victor knows that merely one night’s worth of warm embraces and whispered words isn’t enough to erase the perception MC has of herself

But it’s okay.

He has an entire lifetime to replace the thoughtless words of immature minds with his genuine words and ineffable love

Afterwards, he changes the recipes for MC’s favourite pudding and dishes so that they’re more guilt-free yet taste just as, if not more, delicious

(Kiro is more than happy to undertake the important role of being a taste tester while Victor experiments with the ingredients for weeks)

[ KIRO ]

Ever since they started dating, MC has been collecting celebrity magazines featuring Kiro

It isn’t a cheap hobby, so MC decides to make the price worthwhile by imbibing the magazines in their entirety

Which leads her to grow accustomed to seeing pictures of gorgeous swimsuit models with their perfect bodies and perfect faces

It’s only a matter of time before she starts comparing herself to them each time she looks into the mirror

When Kiro figures out why MC has been rejecting his offers to head out for supper, he’s honestly a little frightened

He’s witnessed how certain celebrities in the entertainment circle have taken extreme measures to maintain an impossible figure, or how they became addicted to plastic surgery to the point of no return

With Savin’s permission, he takes MC backstage during a shoot so she can see just how normal the models and actors look without makeup and the proper lighting

He also brings MC to the editorial department so she can see for herself just how much retouching goes on before celebrity magazines are published

As an expert on effective dieting thanks to Savin, he constructs a diet and exercising regime which he does alongside MC (which caters for the occasional treat of hotpot and snacks)

[ SHAW ]

When MC bursts into tears after he goes too far with a joke about her appearance, Shaw has absolutely. no. idea. what. to. do.

MC knows deep down that Shaw didn’t mean what he said, but it channelled way too many memories of the time she was bullied ruthlessly for her body

His band mates aren’t that reliable when it comes to dealing with the workings of the female mind, so he decides to go with his gut:

“I’m sorry, okay? I’ll let you throw empty cola bottles at me later.”

“You can paint a bunny on my skateboard like you wanted.”

“Sharky doesn’t like seeing you cry.”

In the end, he pulls her into a hug and gives her gentle pats on the head

"They made fun of your body? Tch, what do they know? You fit perfectly in my arms, and that’s what matters.”

[ GAVIN ]

He gets suspicious when MC churns out yet another flimsy excuse on why she can’t make it for a gathering with his team in STF

When he finally asks her about it, she admits that dating the epitome of male fitness doesn’t help with the insecurities about her body which had taken root since her days in Loveland High

He takes a while to internalise this fact.

For someone who is so beautiful inside and out, how could such a thought exist in her mind for even a split second, let alone years?

Even so, he doesn’t shove her concerns aside.

“You’re beautiful.”

He repeats this phrase numerous times as he traces soothing circles on her back.

Someday, MC believes she’ll have the confidence to finally meet the team Gavin is so proud to work with

But in the meantime, she’ll take things one step at a time

First, she’ll have confidence in Gavin’s words.

(Spoiler alert: when the team does end up meeting her, they absolutely adore their Mrs Commander)

[clan-sayeed-fic]

Peaceful (Kamilah Sayeed & MC)

Book: Bloodbound (property of Pixelberry Studios)

Pairing: Kamilah Sayeed & MC: Amy (I do not own those characters, they’re the property of Pixelberry Studios as well.)

Warnings: let me think...

fluff- mhm, I think it might seem like that

smut- maybe some hints

angst- oh yeah 

Rating: Mature

Based on the one word anon request: peaceful

Author’s note:  I’m not a native English speaker, I’m sorry for any mistakes (feel free to correct me).

Huge thanks to the person who requested this fic 💕 I really hope I didn't make any stupid mistakes. These days were a little bit crazy for me, and my ability to focus is... well, it doesn't exist 😂😂  

Also, I'm sorry if you expected a different type of story. I tried to write something less obvious. You know, trying to be original hahaha 😂

~ 1500 words

----------------------

Peaceful

Pair of eyes opened lazily in the middle of the night, revealing a light shade of green. Both irises were glowing in the darkness as if they were never supposed to belong on the human's face.

Though, the human, is for sure, not the best word to describe Amy Sayeed.

The young, blonde woman lifted herself slowly on elbows as her muscles were waking up little by little after a deep sleep. It was still dark outside at this late hour, so she blinked a few times, trying to focus her vision on the surroundings.

"What woke me up?" crossed her mind silently as if her thoughts were afraid to disturb the night.

But the question was meant to fade away soon enough.

Because at that moment, Amy's attention was drawn to the person lying beside her on the bed. Her sleepy stare moved on the brown hair resting on the mattress, following the path of single strands spread on the woman's bare shoulders brightened by the intense light of the moon.

Amy couldn't take her eyes away from this shiny skin, knowing too well the feeling of touching it. The sensation of being able to kiss this trail down the muscular arm, straight to the wrist. And from there, slowly move to her palm. To finally reach this one finger on which she was wearing her ring during the day.

The ring that stands for their life being tied up with vows. Letting everyone else know that these two belong to each other.

Amy's mind worked faster as she followed the trace of faint marks on Kamilah's arm. A reminder of how their last night ended. Of how her own nails were holding onto brunette's skin, digging deep, holding tight. Just to scratch painfully on their journey to the edge.

It's been so long since she felt exhaustion.

So long since she knew what it meant to lose all the strength.

The same strength that received an entirely new meaning since the day she was turned. That day everything changed irreversibly.

With this thought, Amy lifted herself from the bed, making sure to not cause any unnecessary noise. She moved like a predator during the hunt, carefully choosing steps, aware of weak points of her surroundings.

She has been the predator ever since she could remember.

Finally, Amy approached the window without waking up her wife, which was, by itself, an impressive achievement. She was a good student from the start, with great potential, naturally gifted. But she knew too well that it took much more than that to outsmart Kamilah Sayeed.

The young woman stood there, staring at the smooth surface of the glass, meeting with her own reflection. Her hair was messy, pointing in all directions, so she reached there with her hands, trying to smooth it a little bit. As her fingers were brushing her hair, she smiled at the flashback of how stylized it was last evening.

It was the day of their wedding anniversary, one of many that they had the opportunity to experience throughout the years.

So there they were every single year, trying to make this day perfect, even after long decades of celebration. In an attempt to repeat the atmosphere of their wedding, they would not see each other until the hour of walking down the aisle.

This time, they met by one of the fanciest restaurants in New York.

Just to... spend there barely a minute.

Amy's eyes met with her reflection once again. She moved her hand to her mouth to finally wipe away the red stain. Even though it was so tempting to just lick it, to give it a taste this one more time.

Because no matter how many times she had the opportunity to do that, it seemed like never enough. The metallic flavor of blood became addictive after years of feeding. It affected her mind like a drug, stimulating her body more than anything else discovered on the Earth.

Amy moved both hands on the glass, cooling down her already icy skin. And as she did that, her mind took her on the journey back to the last evening.

***

She just moved her hands away from the window as the limousine stopped right by the previously arranged place. The chauffeur helped her get out of the car only to step aside right after to let Amy meet her date for the night.

Her date, for all nights for eternity.

"Perfect timing," a husky, feminine voice warmed Amy's heart, making her eyes search for the source.

To find this deep, chestnut stare, intensively keeping her own.

Amy's mouth slightly opened as she admired the view before her, taking these well-known for her features without blinking. Watching her wife wearing a new elegant suit, previously bought just for the occasion. Her necklace was glowing so brightly on top of it, outshining stars on the sky.

"Kamilah," Amy worshipped the sound of this name even after so many years spent together.

A smile appeared on their faces as they fell in each other's embrace, hugging tightly. Even if it was just half a day, once in a year keeping them apart like this, the reunion always felt special.

Kamilah pulled back after a moment, getting the full picture of her wife. Her eyes were shining more with every second as she did so, daring to flash with red. Finally, they looked at each other directly as a small smirk danced in the corner of the brunette's mouth.

"You look absolutely ravishing," Kamilah spoke aloud, not caring about people passing by. "And I really love this," her hand moved up with those words.

She wrapped a single curly strand that managed to escape from the rest of Amy's stylized hair. Kamilah played with it for a second just to move her hand back soon after, accidentally touching the sensitive skin on her wife's neck.

Touching it enough to send shivers down her spine.

To make her cheeks blush under her gaze, receiving the reaction that she waited for.

"Lily did her best to make it the same way," Amy smiled, trying to deflect the conversation from her. "And you look so beautiful, as always."

***

So beautiful.

Amy turned around, pressing her back against the window. Green eyes wandered on the body of her loved one, studying shapes she had known for so long, but they never ceased to amaze her.

The woman moved her gaze down the mattress all the way to the floor, looking through the clothes they wore that night. Amy's dress was now ripped apart in pieces, the black material threatened to disappear into the darkness.

Her body shivered uncontrollably at the flashback of how it felt when the fabric was torn apart on her body. How its last strings tried to stand in the way but eventually let go under the force of strong hands attempting to untie them.

She remembered the rush they were in. That excitement followed by adrenaline in their veins.

The intense taste of fresh blood still perceptible in their throats as they kissed passionately.

"Are we monsters?"

It has been so long since she asked this question aloud. So long since she tried to fool herself with excuses.

So unbelievably long since she finally realized that the answer was right there all along.

***

"Reservation for Sayeed, please."

They were standing side by side, ready for the waiter to show them their table. The restaurant they chose had the best reviews of all in the entire city. It was filled with famous figures, influential people, just like them.

Women planned to start their celebration by the bottle of wine and exquisite food, but something else got their attention.

Because at that moment, a strong scent hit them both, too strong to ignore. It caused Amy to dig nails in her wife's skin, scratching it under the suit as if making sure that she didn't miss it.

But her chestnut eyes were already filled with a spark of crimson.

"Actually," Kamilah spoke with a new tone, pulling her date closer to show affection. "I think we will change our plans for tonight," she smirked at the waiter, who nodded meaningfully without a word.

Soon enough, they found themselves outside, hit by the cold stroke of the night, both staring in the same direction.

Both tempted by sweetness carried by the wind.

They walked together casually, hand by hand, just to stop right in front of their destination. But even then, Kamilah took her time to gently touch Amy's cheek with one hand, leaning down to place the softest of kisses on her lips.

Only to pull back a moment after with the smirk.

"Happy anniversary, my love."

***

A subtle smile appeared on Amy's face after she joined her wife in bed.

She crawled silently behind Kamilah's body, breathing in the intoxicating scent of lavender. That's when it hit her.

Silence.

After those long decades of immortal life, filled with screams and begging for mercy, it was finally silent.

Silent to the point, it interrupted her dream.

But Amy already closed her eyes again, not able to think about it more as her mind drifted away slowly.

Falling right into the trap of the peaceful night.

[kirishwima]

can you please do a headcannon with the rfa that’s dating an insecure mc? i’m sorry my english isn’t very good

Your english is fine lovely! I’m also not a native speaker, so im sorry if i make mistakes sometimes ^^”

YOOSUNG:

* Honestly…he’s just as insecure as MC. He tries to hide it, tries to act tough and will argue with Zen when he teases him, but his facade couldn’t be farther from the truth-he’s scared, constantly worrying over his looks, the way he speaks, his intelligence, everything is a struggle and it often feels like he’ll never be good enough, neither to himself nor to others.

* Yet MC accepts him as he is-they love him unconditionally, have been there for him even when he kept using them as a substitute for Rika-they helped him see his wrongs and make them right, helped him become a better man. So to know that MC doesn’t see themselves as the amazing, wonderful person they are, it hurts him to his very core.

* He’ll remind MC constantly of how much he loves them, will praise them over every little thing-because to him it’s not compliments, it’s facts. MC is amazing, and that’s that. 

* Sometimes he’ll catch MC making self-depracating jokes; “I don’t even know why you’re dating me” they’d laugh, and Yoosung-oh boy, Yoosung’s furious. 

* “Do you hear yourself? Why date you? Because you’re wonderful! You’re an amazing, beautiful person, you’ve helped me through the hardest times of my life, you’ve been there for me no matter what-I want to be there for you too! You have such a kind soul, you love so much and so strongly and I-I love you just as much. So please-” he rubbed furiously at his eyes, bidding the tears gathering to go away, “Please don’t undermine the love I have for you. Don’t undermine yourself.”

* He’d spend every day of his life reminding MC of their worth, and that’s that.

ZEN:

* He’s a confident person. No, that might actually be an understatement-he’s what some would call a narcissist, albeit a high-functioning one-while he objectively knows his appearance is envy-worthy, he also knows his faults, and isn’t afraid to admit them. He knows he’s not good with technology. He’s honest to a fault, and quick to anger, but he doesn’t deem those as faults-they’re just part of who he is, for better or for worse.

* MC envies this confidence, this intimate way in which Zen both knows and accepts himself as he is, only working to better himself as a challenge from him to him, not for the gaze of anyone else. How could MC ever be like that? Would a time come where they too could confidently stand by his side, not nit-picking every single flaw in their looks, their personality, their entire existence?

* Zen’s fans aren’t all that helping in the situation either-after going public with their relationship, MC can’t help but constantly look through news articles, looking at what fans and reporters have to say about them, taking every single negative comment and locking it up in their heart, letting it infest with them until it rots-refusing to shine a light on the positive comments, the one that talk about how happy Zen looks with MC, how sweet their own smile is or how gentle their eyes are.

* Zen isn’t a fool, and he’s not blind-of course he knows MC isn’t the most confident person, and that they constantly judge their worth based on the perception of others. He tries to help them as much as he can without making it too obvious, will hold them tight when reporters stop them during a date to conduct an interview, will kiss their neck and compliment them until his mouth runs dry.

* MC appreciates it, they really do-but they’re always scared, so scared Zen will eventually realise he’s better off without them. They know, rationally, that Zen cares deeply for them, that he loves them as they are-as impossible as it seems, but this unwarranted worry never goes away, eating its way through their gut and into their lungs, making them lose their breath at the thought.

* “Do you realise how beautiful you are?” Zen asks one night, the apartment dark and quiet minus for the hustle of the city outside. He’s trailing his fingers alonside MC’s side, stopping at every hollow of ribs, pushing his fingertips on bumps and scars. “I’m not just talking about the way you look, as much as I love that too. I’m talking about this” he says as he pokes a finger to their chest, relishing in the silent laugh MC lets out as his fingers tickle them “and everything that happens in there. I love your laugh, your humor is impeccable, I love your kindness, your patience, how much you love to help others-you’re beautiful. Please don’t forget that.”

* And well, it’s hard to forget-even if it takes a long time to believe in Zen’s words, MC will always keep them to heart, remember them every time they try to bring themself down-they’re beautiful. No matter what.

JAEHEE:

* You’d think she’s very confident at first glance, and well, that’s partly true-she’s confident, in the sense that she doesn’t really care. She’s okay with the way she looks, though she’ll get bouts of worries from time to time, probing and poking at her face and body in front of the mirror, but soon it’d pass, and she’s back to normal, content with the way she is.

* it’s hard to wrap her head around MC’s worries and insecurities most of the time. She can’t understand just why MC feels so bad with themselves, not when to her they were a saving grace-taking her from the hectic worriesome state she was seen and bringing her most well-hidden dreams to the surface, making them true.

* She’ll watch MC interact with customers, how they’ll hum whilst making coffee and she’ll smile to herself, soft and sweet and falling in love all over again. How someone like them could not be confident is something she could never understand.

* She tries to help motivate MC, will lean her head on MC’s shoulder and wrap her arms around her waist from the back as MC brews coffee, whispering bashful ‘i love you’s and praises to their skin. When talking with customers she’ll frequently slip in a word of affection towards MC, praising them for their hard work and dedication-even if MC isn’t there to hear it, she just wants the world to know how amazing they are!!

* Sometimes MC gets really down, insultin every little thing about themselves. Jaehee was never that good with words and expressing her emotions upfront-so instead she did what she knows best. She wrote a report. Yes, a report, along with a whole power point presentation, explaining each and every point of why she loves MC, with facts, proof and evidence. Whenever MC talks badly about themself, Jaehee simply pulls up the powerpoint, puts her glasses back on and asks MC to take a seat on the couch, pulling up her laptop and begining to talk about each point until MC is too shy to let her continue.

* No one disses the person Baehee loves, not even themselves.

JUMIN:

* Jumin is confident. That’s it, it’s a fact. He’s grown up learning how to poise himself, has been given constant praise to the point where he hated it, but he knows his pros and cons, and will never let anyone else’s opinion alter his own, especially not when it comes from people who aren’t even close to him.

* So honestly...unless MC straight up talks to Jumin about their insecurities, he’ll never get it. Of course he’ll notice when MC looks away when he compliments them, or how they seem a nervous wreck when out with him at social gatherings, but he figured it’s just them being bashful, not that it’s because they don’t believe his words or feel insecure around him.

* He only realises when they’re lounging together on the couch, a wine in hand and Elizabeth the 3d on MC’s lap. MC watched the way in which Jumin sat-his back straight, his profile picture-perfect, confidence in his every movement. They ran their hands through Elizabeth’s fur, looking down at her in contemplation.

* “How do you do it?” They asked and Jumin turned to face them with a soft frown of confusion. “You just...whatever you do, you do it so confidently. Like, you know what you want and how to get it and that’s it, and you-you ended up with me, who’s too nervous to even look people in the eye when talking. How do we-are you okay with this? With me?” 

* Their words were jambled, worry pooling in their stomach as Jumin’s eyes widened, his mouth ajar. “You-is this how you feel?” he asked. He tried to school his expression into something more neutral, put his wine glass back down to turn and hold MCs hands in his.

* “I love you. There’s no logic in love, and even if there was, there’s nothing about you I could not love. Your kindness, your smile, you’re smart yet modest, you’re just...to me you’re impeccable. I hate to think that you never realised all these yourself, MC, you’re wonderful. I need you to believe that you are.”

* He vowed to himself to never let MC forget it from then on. Every morning he’ll wake them with a kiss, listing at least one thing about MC he’s grateful for before starting their day. He’d do this day after day, until MC started to believe it themself.

SEVEN/SAEYOUNG/LUCIEL:

* Lmao he’s literally an insecure k i n g. Before meeting MC, before falling in love with them, he’d be unable to list a single thing he likes about himself. He’s too much of this, too little of that, every time he looked to the mirror it’d be a war zone, his face reminding him too much of things he’d rather just forget.

* Yet MC helped him so much. Little by little, they helped him learn to accept himself as he is, to allow his heart to open and gain a little bit of confidence. He’s learnt to at the very least feel neutral when looking in the mirror, starting to accept hsi existence as just that-another human being in the world.

* Yet he knows, he knows that as much confidence as MC is trying to help him build, the less they have themselves. He’s no idiot, he’s been there, of course he knows the tell-tale signs of it-the self depracaitng jokes, the way they look in the mirror when they walk past, how they roll their eyes at his compliments.

* “You know me, I’m your resident klutz” MC started once, after a glass slipped from their hands and broke at their feet. They started cleaning it up, telling Seven to stay away since he wasn’t wearing any shoes or slippers. “Just a big ol’ idiot here to fuck things up and make life all that much harder for everyone-” they continued, laughing yet their hands were trembling.

* “Of course I can’t even hold a freaking glass correctly, why would I anyway I’m such a-”

* “Stop.”

* Seven didn’t care for the glass shards at this point. He walked to kneel across MC, wrapping his hands around theirs. “Do you hear yourself? What you’re saying is stupid, and some deep hidden part of you knows it. You’re brilliant. Stop looking at me like that, you know it’s true. You are” He smiled small and soft, drawing circles on their hand with his thumb. “No regular person could’ve gone through what you did and come out of it even stronger. You’re amazing, you’re kind no matter what you-I love you. I want you to see yourself like I see you, even if it’s cliche as hell.”

* He leaned over the broken glass, kissing MC soft and gentle. “So stop with these jokes. Start appreciating yourself, please. For me.”

* MC didn’t know if they could. But they’d try. For Saeyoung, they’d try.

-Send me mystic messenger headcanons/scenarios for characters’ reactions!-

[katniiss]

i love you the way a knife loves a heart; tyril x mc

[also on ao3]

So it’s true, then.

Her family is dead. She is the sole survivor of her house. And she will never meet them. There’s not even ghosts of them left behind for her to speak to.

It’s something she has known all her life, she supposes, but the confirmation still hurts more than she expected it to.

[[MORE]]

She’s not naive to the lives lost in the wars before her birth, not really. Even elves who were raised the same as humans know of the massacre and how few escaped. She learnt of it as a paragraph in the footnotes of human history, a tradgedy but not something to be studied. But she cannot remember her birth family, or how they died or left her or— all she knows is, one moment they must have been there and the next she awoke on a deserted road outside Riverbend, cold and frightened and almost feral.

Kaden hadn’t been afriad of her, though. Nor had his father, recently widowed and his son needing a companion. Besides, Kaden told her later in secretive whispers, “I think he always wanted a daughter.”

And for eighteen years - or however long it has been, time means little to elves or orcs, only humans with their limited lifespan hold it with such reverence - she’s tried to be that. She’s never left the village, helped her father on the farm as best she could, hid her elven ears for years until the summer after her seventeenth year when it became too hot for her to hide her face. Children had teased her at school, being the only one of her kind for a thousand miles, and it’s...a kind of loneliness she can not describe. She used to dream of going to Undermount the moment she first learnt of it, to see her people, people who looked like her and would not judge her for her oversensitive perceptions or her skin.

And it’s certainly not everything she dreamt of, but Tyril is almost like the knight her childhood self dreamt of. But how can she know? The elven knight in her dreams was always faceless; it was the cheers and smiles of her father and Kaden that mattered to her. Tyril tall, at least, and brave and she would like to braid his hair if he would allow it.

“What do you know of House Nightbloom?” She finds herself asking him, in the dead of night, when she finds herself consumed by the words of the founder of House Starfury.

“I...” Tyril sighs. “When I was growing up, my tutors spent a year making a large family tree. Or forest, rather. It had every elven family who ever existed, and it spanned a whole half of the house by the time it was done. House Nightbloom was there, of course, a minor but noble house with the poor luck of having fewer descendants since their nobility and loyalty to sadly corrupt leaders led to many of their untimely deaths.”

“So after all these years, I find out that I’m the blood of traitors and idiots?” She digs her nails into her palms. “Fantastic. Love that for me.”

“You are the most loyal and intelligent elf I’ve ever met, and don’t let tell yourself otherwise!” Tyril insists. She notices, he only ever seems to become passionate when it involves her, and if he were speaking of anything but a family she will never know she might shove him against a tree and kiss him insane. But his eyes darken again and he informs her, gravely. “House Nightbloom was supposedly wiped out during the last stand. But there is much we don’t know about that battle. And many houses, especially minor ones, kept information about births to themselves lest another house try and steal their heir. They were brave and clever and true-“

“But they still died. And left me.”

She almost expects Tyril to shrug, but then remembers this is a human movement so foreign to elves of his station. “The tutor who created the family forest left us unexpectedly when it was complete. The next tutor burnt off the names and houses of everyone killed during the wars. As you can imagine, there was hardly anything or anyone left. And I’m sorry. I do not believe they went to die with the intention of leaving you orphaned. But even if they did, your destiny is not determined by something so arciac as what humanity calls biology. You can be whatever you wish to be. You are special. Humanity believes no one is special, but that isn’t true, everyone is special. Look how far we’ve come, and it’s you who truly brought us all together! Brave, beautiful and stubborn as you are, you are also just what was needed. And I assure you, I will not allow you to die anytime soon.”

“You talk so much,” She comments as lightly as if he were rambling about the moss of the old forest and not words of wisdom and a romantic kindness she has always secretly yearned for. “Thank you for telling me all this, Tyril. I think the surname Nightbloom suits me. Perhaps it might pair with Starfury?”

She knows she’s distracting him away from talk of her heritage with talk of marriage, but she still loves to watch him blush because of her. She finds it so difficult to believe no one has ever flirted with him so brazenly, but again, Mal’s repeatly admonished the bordem elves subject themselves to. He finds himself smiling.

“Time will tell, Lady Nightbloom.”

“Gods, don’t ever call me Lady again,” She says and kisses him hard. “But I think you like not being a Lord. You like someone else taking control for once. And you like that it’s me.”

He kisses her again, and doesn’t deny it.

notes: don’t ask me where this came from lol just wanted mc to angst about birth family after chapter 12 @starfurys tagging u bc he’s ur husband

[moodysnowflake]

Let’s rant about - Fugou Keiji

This is the most disorganized post I could possibly write. Nice. Spoiler alert guys, if you’re not caught up to episode 5 of Fugou Keiji Balance: Unlimited.

I did warn you.

When I recognized the armored limo, I thought ‘It makes sort of sense, ‘cause since he’s not driving the Cadillac, and he’s traveling with the President, he’s automatically in a life-threatening situation as well.’ We can all argue that his car might not be armored, but come on… I bet my tonsil (they are extremely useful organs if you have still functioning ones)that the Cadillac has to; you just don’t stroll around in a vehicle equipped with military level stuff in it and don’t have it disaster-proofed. And speaking about military…we might finally have some clue, or it is better to say a clearer lead, on the Kambe family business: security and/or military related. He provided the president with freakin HMMWV - High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle, a.k.a. Humvee - vehicles and other special protection equipment. That might explain why there doesn’t seem to be a damn bottom in his wallet, nor limits his power can’t overcome. Well, until now, but I’m gonna rant about it later. It makes sense, ‘cause this area is way more lucrative than any other. Stark Industries and the Yard division of Wayne Enterprises showed us as much, right? I scrunched up my face when Daisuke said “I’m simply here as proxy for my grandmother.” I connected the dot ‘Oh, so that’s why he was looking so cold/pensive (laughing fit because my stupid brain made the connection between pensive and Purple Hyacinth [if you don’t know this webcomic, please check it out on Webtoon, it’s a good story]) with the news at the beginning of the episode. Granny Kambe was sick or something, so she might have persuaded him into going.’ I still don’t get why Haru didn’t know, but I’m sure Daisuke had his reasons… I also thought that Daisuke is not the only one available, right? What about best girl Suzue? Daisuke is not exactly a people person, but what do we know, maybe she was going to go and Daisuke got in the way to not have her have to deal with nasty issues.

What I was definitely not see coming was Daisuke’s “No. There will not be a day where I succeed as head of the family.”

My plot bunny had a seizure right then and there. Daisuke? Sir? I replayed it again and again, and I was struck by a new idea every time I did, and his cold-blooded tone, robotic aseptic expression didn’t help in the least. He’s impassive while he speaks, he’s emotionless. And that’s terrifying. It’s a horrible display, at least for me, because episode 4 showed us he cares, he’s capable of feeling emotions, and pretty strong ones too.

I need to focus on this because I think it’s important; everybody saw episode 4 as it was the most randomic, epic fujo-bait episode ever. Welp, sorry for disrupting the rose-tinted dream, but no. I mean, yes it was, but it wasn’t as well. I’ll try to elaborate, because I think that episode shouldn’t be discarded as just another episode. I think Fugou Keiji is very similar to Id:Invaded in this respect: nothing is thrown there by chance, nothing happens without a purpose, everything has a meaning. This is an one core show, with 11 episodes scheduled, which a pretty odd number, and if the story is meant to end in 11 episode (which I think it is), that means you can’t fuck around with filler episodes. [If you haven’t seen Id:Invaded, you should give it a chance. It’s rated R-17, so please proceed with caution. I mean it; it’s not just a very physically violent show. There are shades of ‘Dead Dove: Do Not Eat’ level shit in there.]

The progression might feel a bit fast to an old school, at least 2 core, 25+ episodes trained anime watcher like me, but as long as it’s organic, that’s totally fine. Episode 1 introduced our MC, said us ‘look, there’s this angry fluff boi, which is called Katou Haru, ad there’s this dripping ice-cold asshole boi called Kambe Daisuke: Shenanigans ensures.’ From episode 2, evolution started, as it should have. We needed to reach the end of the episode to see it, but we got it; when Haru roughs Daisuke up, we expected for him to have no reaction, and many may think that’s what happened, but I think that’s not the case. I think Daisuke was seriously ruminating about Haru’s overreaction, and his look was a deep thinking one. He’s not an impassive robot anymore. Episode 3 cemented it, showing us am astounding variety of emotions effectively coming out: he’s annoyed (glare shoot while Haru’s running him mouth, blabbering about being a good senpai), angry (Haru snitching him, then having to formally thank and ask for guidance), tired (sighing at Haru, stuck  dangling by the pole), salty (”Are you working hard, Inspector Katou?” [Can we blame him? Haru snitched him out, then the next day he had to hear from Kamei that he needed backup. I still think that he might have been waiting for him outside the station from the beginning, and just got confirmation from Kamei. Which made him, obviously, even saltier.], “This is precisely the moment I would like some coaching.”). Also, incredibly trusting and perceptive; he’s watching Haru like a hawk, giving him access to HEUSC (which he didn’t have to, but he thought he had to give him a chance), helping getting into the Shinkansen (he gave his mask to Haru, either because he knew the smoke used was not really harmful, or because he trained to hold his breath long enough to get himself out of its range), giving him his gun and - last but not least - getting himself between Haru and a gun. Granted, all of his suits have to be bulletproof - you cannot make me think otherwise -, but if you get shot, it still hurts as fuck, and you can get bruised, or even slightly crack a rib if the shot is close enough. So yeah, it wouldn’t have been pleasant. What’s the purpose of episode 4 then, except for fangirls to drool over it? Hands out, I’m not insulting the category, I’m gonna speak about it later, so put that on hold and don’t chew me for the time being. Like everybody perceived, episode 4 served other various purposes. Like the metaphors of dog: Daisuke is kind of a 27-years old puppy, because he can’t survive in the outside world without help. He can use rocket grapples, breach police communications, erase data from the internet, use a torch to melt a windshield, fire a rocket launched and Karma only knows what else, but he can’t do groceries to save his life, nor cut a potato without almost chopping his fingers off [insert Cloud’s pouting “I’m doing my best…” icon here]. He’s snarky, but soft (to Haru, the kids (ep3 and ep4 ones), and Suzue). He’s spoiled, but open-minded (he appreciate convenience store ramen, he values Haru’s cooking over pre-packed food). He’s cautious, but yields if he feels (reasonably) reassured (You think the kid is good? Fine by me, I’m gonna help. You think he’s not gonna shoot? Fair enough, I believe you. You need HEUSC to snoop up something to prove he’s okay? Just ask it. You think I don’t need a band-aid and lick the cut? Bit weird, but okay.). Like a dog, he can behead you with a bite, but if he trusts you, you can belly rub him to death. Episode 3 was Daisuke’s “I’ve got your back.” as well as episode 4 was Haru’s “I’ve got yours too.” This is what episode 4 is too: it’s Haru having Daisuke’s back. It’s Haru having patience and understanding, after Daisuke giving him his absolute trust and resources. Unlimited. They started sensing each other out from episode 1. With not really good results at the beginning, but it’s an understandable situation. Think from each other’s perspective: Haru’s a experienced police officer, who has Daisuke crashing into his life with very unorthodox methods and no chills, throwing money around without a second thought, pretentious and disrespectful. It’s almost physiological for him to try to deck him down at first glance. From Daisuke’s point of view, he might not know better, he’s socially awkward, civilian life interaction none existent. But most of all, we don’t know why he chose MCPD, nor how was he trained. Heck we have come clues, but not guarantees until we hear it from his mouth.

Yeah, I’m talking about you, Nakamura Chosuke, from that weird-ass look you gave each other in episode 2 coming out of the interrogation rooms, from the fact that in the OP you’re standing still while the rest of the team is moving forward and only Daisuke is going the opposite way towards you, from the fact that you might know way more than we may be comfortable with. You and Daisuke know each other, or at least know what’s up, and we’re gonna find out. Preferably soon, without having one of you dying. Please.

Daisuke needs to test the waters, to see who can be trusted and who can’t; it is very likely that he’s a pretty serious issue, something which he need someone to trust his life with. That, and also that his ‘training’ might have made him ‘somewhat selfish’, sometimes too cold, too unresponsive for his own good. But watch my words, he might be like this sometimes, because reasons, but he’s always on his toes, and he’s always listening. He listened to Haru while he ranted at him in episode 2, he listened to Haru while he asked him for help in episode 3, he listened to Haru while he herded him around in episode 4. Episode 4 served to provide Daisuke an alternative. It was not just about a tantrum. Story-wise, it gives Daisuke a space in which he feels safe, a zone his Kambe life can’t break into, as long as he doesn’t want it to reach him. Or at least, this is what he perceives.

Like someone said, when he’s saying that he’s not gonna inherit the Kambe Group, he’s talking with an indifferent, apathetic look. Mechanical, stolid, like when he talks with Kikuko. It’s the exact same face. Precisely. He doesn’t feel, he doesn’t react, if not prodded. Either because: 1. He really doesn’t want: he’s not a violent person, he doesn’t enjoy hurting others. He could just pay his way out of a murder, if he wanted to. He never acts to kill or harm. It makes sense that he wouldn’t want to be the heir of such a vicious empire. At least from what we know until now… 2. He’s been prevented or not supposed to: he might want to do it, but it might not be possible, because he might not be the designed one (OP’s women?), or be who we think he is. Maybe he really is ‘Shiro’s brother’, a replacement for someone else.

In both cases, it makes sense that he’s not granted access to weaponry/military information. It would also make sense to keep them from him in order to kill him. This leads into episode 5. He might have been trapped in Kikuko’s place, and grandma Kambe might not have anything to do with it, but at this moment everything could be possible. That being said, HEUSC confirmed Daisuke - and revealed us - that he’s disposable, a spare paw that can be disposed of at any given time, without concern nor regrets; he very well might have known this all along. He looks (really) slightly troubled to have to prod HEUSC for information about the bomb, because the AI butler is actually not interacting that much. And…Daisuke is like…going to die in the next 4 minutes? And Suzue is not coming? And that SHOULD be a problem, right? Daisuke dying SHOULD be in the ‘NO GOOD’ list in HEUSC programming. HEUSC SHOULD be trying its hardest to help him. Right? Daisuke is of course maintaining his collected cool, but surely the other two doofuses yapping around aren’t helping him. Put it with HEUSC not being helpful, it’s understandable for him to snap at it, asking for blueprints and directions. Because he was expecting them from the very beginning… When HEUSC answers come, he’s not shocked. We saw him alarmed, that’s not how his scared face looks like. He just seems disappointed, a hopeless realization, borderline frustrated, like he’s thinking “Is it? This is really the truth, they’re letting me die here”. Then he morphs into some sort of cold resolution, like “Bitch no, I’m not gonna kick the bucket without trying.” When I heard we were dealing with VX gas I said ‘Welp, someone really wants to be sure you dead, Mr. President.’

As some of you might be wondering, what is Daisuke doing? Why is he flooding the bathroom? Why is he drowning his jacket? The bomb is a gas one, and VX, also known as sarin gas, is one the deadliest chemical ever created. Basically what it does is shutting down your neurotransmissions, which means no impulse flowing, which stops every brain function and muscle in your body. Heart and diaphramm included, so no blood circulating and no oxigen.Not good. 10mg can kill a man. So, what they said in the episode is not fantasy, guys. That’s really bad juju. If it gets onto your skin (but for the love of Karma, I hope you’ll never have to experience it), you have to get it off as fast as you can washing and with a binding powder. In the meantime, you have two(three actually) guys to keep working: heart and lungs. As long as they run, there’s hope. Therefore, inject atropin every 10-15 minutes until resolution (to keep your heart galloping as fast as it can), pralidoxime (to actively compete with the substrate the gas attacks and help your diaphram and lungs not to stop) and diazepam (for the rest of your muscles not to tear themselves apart because of the other two compounds trying to save your life but not doing a really great job at keeping everything else in check). If you inhale that shit without atropin within arm’s reach, you have less than 2/3 minutes.

That’s why Daisuke unceremoniously tackles Haru out of the way.

So, why the jacket? Simply enough, soaking it, he creates a sort of barrier, or to be more specific, a medium (water) in which the gas is going to be trapped into before being released into the air. In the first seconds,the molecules produced by the canisters will be dissolved into the water, effectively trapping the gas withing the fabric of the jacket, as long as the water saturates. After that, if the gas continues to go, there would be a point were there’s gonna be too much of it in the water, and some of it will start to escape into the air. It takes time, depending on the pressure applied and the amount of water that the fabric can hold. That’s why Daisuke is keeping the jacket under the sink until the very last moment; the more water clinging, the better chances to survive. Even if, like the guard said, it’s not gonna work for long. I’m still not really sure why he’s going for the punch tho. He loosens the bow and the shirt to likely be able to pull it over his face just in case, since he is the one IN FRONT of the fucking bomb. The only option I can think of is that he’s trying to break the pump (and possibly bend a tube); VX is liquid at room temperature, so as long as you don’t inflate the canister and vaporize it into the air, you’re not in immediate danger. He’s hoping so hard for this to work, because he doesn’t want to die, as opposed of what he might have been thinking up until now. Because now, contrarily to what he said us in the very first line of episode 1, the boredom is gone. Now he has something to fight for (a truth he’s looking for) and someone to care of.

Yes, he might have not-so-gently wacked Haru away, but he was also pretty sure not be able to see the Sun again. He lost his composure and almost yelled at Haru for help. We can see that Haru doesn’t argue further, he immediately gets that something’s dangerous is going on, because if it makes Daisuke worry, that’s definitely not good. How can we be sure it’s gonna work? As they were being lead into the room, the guard explained that that was a NBC proof room: Nuclear Biological Chemical proof room. Which means it can withstand a nuclear blast, radiations, biological agents (viruses, bacteria, molds, other nasty living beings, organically poisonous compounds) and chemical agents (inorganic gases, hazardous solutions like strong acids or bases, explosives, corrosives etc…) because it’s airtight and has its own air and water independent reservoirs and systems. NOTHING can get in. Which also means that NOTHING can get out. Therefore, even if the gas is released, it’s contained.

For all the previously said things, that’s the reason Daisuke looks sad, discouraged and tired when he’s standing outside the embassy, with his hands in his pocket, his shoulder almost sagging down, the circle under his eyes darker than they have ever been. Because yes, you might not have noticed it but he always had those, except from ONE time, specifically one morning. I’ll let you guess which one… Then he snaps out of it hearing Suzue’s voice, probably not to worry her. Yes, I think that Suzue might be a watchdog, to make sure Daisuke fulfill his role and gets him out of trouble when he can’t, help him when he needs, but I think that as soon as he will be marked as not useful anymore, she might meet the same fate. She grew attached, she cares. Best girl might not even know it, and if she knows, she’s definitely doing her best to help him as much as she can. We all love you so much Suzue. Please don’t die. Please please please.

Episode 5 is the catalyst. Now Daisuke can’t trust anything anymore. He might not have done it in the first place, but now everything got shattered. If HEUSC has not authorized him, it means the AI butler is also monitoring the access. Which means Daisuke is gonna be under surveillance (or at least, stricter than it already was).

If episode 4 didn’t happen, Daisuke will be dead, or almost drowning in desperation, because he would have no one to turn to, no safe place to go to. We know this is not the case. We know Haru can help. Daisuke might not be a fan of this, and it might take a bit for him to put himself back together and explain, but we know it’s gonna happen. We know Haru is gonna listen, and he’s very much gonna want to help him. Now Daisuke knows it too, because he experienced it. We also know that Daisuke listens to Haur’s words, so I’m sure he remembers even Haru’s druk rambling about being a hero and a civil servant, and he’s gonna pull that out at some point. He might get something mixed up, since he was a bit fazed, but not enough not to flinch at Haru’s questioning… even if he wormed into the bathtub to sleep XD Best of all, he’s not even fazed by it. He just open his eyes and wakes up. Also, he sits by the table SLOUCHING. Kambe Daisuke. Slouching. In the morning. I love him so much. Haru taking care of him all the freaking way, feeding him and teaching him the ways of the peasant’s world. I love him just as much. Daisuke listens and processes; when Haru says him that, even if there’s almost no chance to find Shiro, he says that he’s gonna try regardless. Daisuke responds with “I see.”. Which means ‘You’ll keep trying, so I should do that as well.’ This is Japan guys. Read the air. There’s as much stuff unsaid that said.

A question is Kikuko then: is she best grandma or are we dealing with another Aizen situation (I made you strong so I could have a decent challenge)?

Nakamura Chosuke, Sir, you need to start singing soon…

Now, I have a very strong fear: in the OP, there’s the same scene repeating itself: at the beginning with Haru, Daisuke and Shizue in a room, then Haru is not there anymore. I’m still recovering from Banana Fish, and I watched it while it was airing…

Last thing, before I forget. About fangirls. You might have guessed, by the amount of word vomit I garbled over, that I am one as well. Everybody can react to the story as they want. I squeaked like a hamster too when I saw Daisuke wearing the ‘boyfriend outfit’, when he winced when he cut himself and licked his cut, when he waited for Haru to start eating before doing it himself, when he praised him for the cooking, when he understood why he replaced Shiro, when he lent him the money to return home, when he smiled to Hattori and Suzue, and when he used Haru’s natto recipes. I’m here for the ride as much as you are. I’m here for the fluff we’re obviously not gonna get. I’m here for a whipped Daisuke, wrapped around Haru’s finger, screaming in pain because of the loss, pleading to save the detective and take him instead. I’m here for the fall from grace, I’m here for him realizing he’s been living a beautiful nightmare, that justice is more than meets the eyes, that there’s so much more that he can be. I’m here for him realizing all of this with Haru being taken away, triggerim him into madness.

The wind exists even if you can’t see it.

[teacupnotes]

Today i finished Child of the Prophecy, so i want to talk about this trilogy. It will contain spoilers. And i know it’s actually a series, with another 3 books; but i still don’t have them.

Besides i will take a break from reading fiction, to read the book about racism i mentioned on my other booklr post.

➰

Rereading Daughter of the Forest, I was able to go back to my teenagehood and relive my love for fairy tale retellings. I don’t think i had finished this book before, because i didn’t remember the ending.

But Sorcha, oh my gosh, she was a formidable MC. She was strong and with an iron will, that impressed me quite a lot. I might have had a tiny (lol who am i kidding, big) crush on Red, so i see what she saw in him by marrying him, even if he’s a breton. 

It was amazing reading her grow up, to see how Sorcha as a child was different from Sorcha the older teen. I refuse to call it young adult, because gdi, they’re still KIDS. Yeah yeah yeah the ~times were different~ and people lived half of our current life expectation, but it was something that i was constantly aware of while reading: how Sorcha and Red’s age gap was uncomfortable for me.

Sorcha’s relationship with her brothers was so beautiful and complex that it made me wish i wasn’t an only child. Sorcha’s romance (depite the age gap flaw), made me wish i could experience something similar, at least. I loved coming back to this book and experience it, like it was the first time, all over again.

➰

With Son of the Shadows, i didn’t really know what to expect. I remembered vaguely some characters (but not the MC, Liadan, who’s the youngest daughter of Sorcha). I remembered Ciarán and his forbidden relationship. Rereading the book was, once again, like reading it for the first time.

Liadan was very much like her mother, with a powerful inner strength, a clear path to walk on. She was very stubborn, and i loved how she confronted the Fair Folk, despite the constant threats they made her. I loved how she stubbornly made The Painted Man change his mind about women, and eventually they even fall in love. 

The only thing i didn’t quite like about him was that he was bald. Well, not quite, because he could grow hair but chose to have a shaved head. He was as stubborn as Liadan. They were made for each other. Although the freaking age gap existed again, with Liadan with like 16 years old and her guy being 21. What’s up with thaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, i wanted to know more about Niamh, her older sister. Her story felt incomplete, empty, as she was made to be more like of a bimbo, an airhead, and i think that was very unfair. I really understood her resentment to Liadan, who was a copy of Sorcha almost, and so, treated very differently.

 Anyhow, this was a great read. I had hoped that the (then) final book would be as fantastic. But boy was i wrong...

➰

Unlike the other two previous books, Child of the Prophecy was a difficult read. Unlike Sorcha and Liadan, Fainne was a MC with whom i struggled immensely connecting to, and to root for.

She did many terrible things; her constant self doubt was tiring and annoying, her back and forth morals and choices, made her a two sided character, to which was very difficult to relate with or to look up to. Not even the last 3 chapters, where she finally decides to choose the path of Light and Good, make up for what she did in the rest of the book. Fainne was extremely insecure, constantly pushed everyone she loved away, and believed blindly that she was cursed and that was nothing she could do to live a life of a good woman. She was a witch, you see...

I wanted to pause the book so many times, and stop there. (This has only happened with another JM book, Cibele’s Secret, which i began reading but never finished.) I wanted to know more about the side characters, like Darragh, Johnny, or even Ciarán. I was very unsatisfied with the ending too. It felt rushed. I wanted to have the chance to see Fainne and Darragh’s relationship truly blossom, something that was the focus of the story, instead of a sub-plot (something that you wouldn’t even pay much attention to). (At least they didn’t have as much of a big age gap as the other two!)  Instead, i was given a extremely short epilogue, that talked more about the outsider’s perception of Needle Island and its inhabitants, than about Fainne and her family.

➰

I really hope that the other 3 books in the series make up for this one. But i think they will, since they’re about the daughters of Liadan instead.

[inunonmis1971-blog]

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[aros001]

First time read through light novel vol. 12. Random thoughts.

Right off the bat and I love this illustration

of the aftermath of Subaru's various deaths. Just at a look and you're able to tell which loop and death it was. From left to right:

After the Witch Cult slaughters Emilia, the mansion, and villagers and Puck goes out to destroy the world. Though not sure if this is the loop where Puck and Subaru got to talk or it this is a loop before that.

Rem tortures and Ram mercy kills Subaru, likely lying and covering up their actions afterwards to Emilia.

Rem dies from the Shaman's curse and Subaru commits suicide, unfortunately doing so right in front of Beatrice and Ram.

Elsa murders Subaru and Emilia. Subaru's very first death.

Subaru is possessed by Petelgeuse and has to be put down.

I wasn't sure about this one at first but later in the book seems to imply this is after Subaru killed himself after Rem fell into a coma.

Echidna speculated that Subaru's save points were based just on what'd help him be most likely to overcome whatever killed him and that Satella likely didn't care about anyone else in his life. But with the black shadow devouring everything, save for Garfiel, and seemingly heading for the mansion next, I wouldn't be surprised if Satella actually is choosing the points that get rid of others who are important to Subaru so she can have his love all to herself. Rem's in a coma and Subaru can't go back further to save her from that fate and the only reason Emilia is still around is because a lot of the events that kill her tend to also kill Subaru, like Elsa and the Witch Cult, so her death wouldn't exist in a timeline where Subaru also gets to live. In arc 3 Subaru's save point was set after he and Emilia had that big fight and went their separate ways. I wouldn't be surprised if Satella set that point specifically because the two were driven apart and she didn't want Subaru to get a do-over.

Watching Ram, Ryuzu, and all the other people he cared about get swallowed whole, vanishing within the shadow.

But even after so many precious people were stolen from him, Garfiel refused to use revenge as an excuse to throw all decency aside. He wouldn’t tolerate any talk about a victory that involved sacrificing Subaru.

I like to think this is a little bit of a callback to some of Subaru's loops during arc 3, specifically when he was so lost in his selfishness and later his rage at the Witch Cult's massacres that he was somewhat blinded to everyone else and was throwing away his decency; something Garfiel is refusing to do. Again, I don't mind that Subaru has had moments where he's not a good person and has very serious character flaws because the story is about him continuously growing into a better person.

“In this world, when I heard ‘I love you’ spoken seriously to me for the first time...it gave me, an unredeemable bastard, enough power to make me think I could become a hero.”

He was a piece of garbage, twisted down, broken, and ready to flee from everything, but those words had made him believe he could face the future head-on, never giving in—to challenge it once more, over and over, however many times that it took.

As sad as I am that Rem's not in the story anymore aside from being a near lifeless husk, I am glad that her importance on the story and Subaru specifically is still strong. Honestly, all shipping aside, I'm mostly upset that, because of the coma, all of Rem's character development has pretty much been put on hold. I was enjoying seeing her grow and the ways she was reacting to events in the story. For the audience, having her be in a coma is maybe worse than her being killed because there's that hope she'll come back and you're continuously waiting for her to do so; waiting for that part of the story to be allowed to continue.

What could he say, what should he say, that would rub the Witch the worst way? There was no one better armed to get under someone else’s skin than Subaru. So he knew.

Accordingly, Subaru gave a shallow, cruel laugh, turning a look of scorn toward the Witch.

“—I’d rather love Echidna and the other Witches than you.”

...Yeah, that oughta do it. Seriously though, I almost felt all the sound go out in the world at reading that line, that's how much of an "Ohhhhh shit." moment it was, with there being nothing Subaru could have said to piss the witch off more.

I suppose Satella (and Subaru) consuming and becoming one with everything can relate to envy. No need to be envious of what others have when you are both them and what they possess.

He had seen the Witch’s face in the moment just prior to Return by Death —and it was the same face as Emilia’s. After straddling death to come back, he had dragged along a fear of the Witch that stuck with him.

It's temporary but I do like this. For a moment Subaru is in a similar position as those who naturally live in this world. He knows that Emilia is not the Witch of Envy, just as most people in the world could obviously understand, but because of the strong resemblance (and Satella possessing Emilia's body) he can't not see Satella when he looks at her and feel that fear. Obviously it's still wrong to have that prejudice against Emilia and other half-elves whom have done nothing to harm anyone but having even Subaru feel that fear, even for just a moment, does make it very understandable why the people of this world have trouble letting go of it.

I know this is bothering me more than it should and it's not a criticism towards the series, but I always feel bad that Subaru has this perception around him of being a little bit of a crybaby, or at least easily upset and needing to be soothed. Don't get me wrong, I make no demands that the MC always be seen all ultra-masculine manly but from the perspective of others it does seem like Subaru breaks down easily. In the mansion arc with Subaru working himself sick and crying into Emilia's lap to the White Whale arc where Subaru gave up and asked Rem to run away with him to now where Emilia is needing to comfort him inside Echidna's tomb. We the audience know these breakdowns are VERY well deserved after the horrors Subaru has been through and he really needs the comfort, but the other characters don't know and it just looks like he's cracking over nothing. I like Subaru and it sucks that he keeps getting seen as a bit of a crybaby, especially in front of the woman he loves. Emilia doesn't make a big deal of it and Subaru has done plenty to prove his worth and bravery before, but I still can't help but feel a little bad for the guy.

I'm wondering if there's an implication that Emilia's doing better during this loop is because she now feels she's fighting/being strong for Subaru? Kind of like how Subaru has found strength in fighting for her and the others he cares about.

“I did think about it, so I asked Ram to keep him occupied. In the meantime, it’s a date between you and me, Ryuzu.”

“I am unsure what it is you mean by dayte...but I cannot defy you at this point, Young Su. You may do with me and the girl here as you wish.”

“That’s giving in a little too much!"

What is with people continuously thinking Subaru wants to defile them?! Is it the eyes? (It's probably the eyes)

I've heard tales before that Subaru comes to be known as the Lolimancer. Given he now has authority over Ryuzu and a practical army of replicas, I can kind of see that. And it's glorious. Nothing crushes your enemy quite like their opponent throwing a little girl that them...and winning.

Then, after a momentary pause, she slowly nodded and said, “—Ahhh, I understand now. Betty is probably entrusting you with her final moment because...”

Once he heard the answer, there was no going back. —He was certain of it.

And yet, his decision came too late. He had realized too late. It was too late for everything.

“—Sorry to intrude mid-conversation, but...”

A voice he should not have heard spoke. Hastened by a terrible chill, Subaru flipped around.

Then he saw her.

“—Is it all right if I become That Person for you, I wonder?”

Carrying a black curved blade in her hand—a kukri knife—the black- clothed Bowel Hunter stood at the archive’s entrance.

F**K! OFF! ELSA!

Crystal arrows were thrust through her entire body, half of it shattered like inorganic matter. Such was Elsa’s death.

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET, BITCH!

Beatrice’s eyebrows fell as she let out a breath of instantaneous relief, forming a thin smile in the process.

—The tip of a black blade was poking out of her chest.

“—My, what an odd feeling in the hand. A spirit’s belly really is different.”

DAMMIT!

“The letter...that’s right. I wrote a letter. I wrote everything on it, that’s why. I really meant to tell you about everything, but...”

“Tee-hee.”

Ohhhhhhhh no, that's never a good sign. Dark tomb dedicated to a witch, everything else outside going wrong, and Emilia just gives a little giggle like that, talking about how lonely she was and how much she loves him? She didn't even comment on how he's MISSING AN EYE.

Funny enough, for this part I am being reminded of a reaction I had while reading the Goblin Slayer light novels. "Oh, thank goodness this character was only severely beaten and about to be sacrificed to summon a demon old god into the world." "Oh, thank goodness. Emilia's not possessed or under some terrible curse. She's just cracked from mental strain and trauma." It's just one of those times where I have to take a moment and think about what kind of series I'm reading where I'm relieved a major character has only gone insane.

It is kind of cool how she's in a way going through a similar experience as Subaru has. Repeatedly going through a continuous loop of failures she can't overcome but feels she has to for the sake of others, until she finally just hits her breaking point.

I do like how even just Roswaal talking about RBD is enough for the witch to grasp Subaru's heart, even though Roswaal figured it all out on his own. I'm also glad I saw the "Memory Snow" OVA because it does add a nice (and really messed up) layer to Roswaal's manipulations. That even a happy and completely innocent time like that, seeming to exist for no other reason than to give the audience a nice breather before arc 3, was something he figured out how to use to his advantage. It makes him feel like even more of a devious bastard, that he'll be taking such a pleasant and pure memory and using it to get the villagers to fear Emilia.

“The current you is insufficient to bring about the future indicated in the text. Any discrepancy with that recorded requires a correction.”

That makes me curious about how specifically the book works. Before Roswaal and Beatrice were making it sound like the book foretold futures that would happen no matter what, but this line implies that Subaru currently is unable to make that future come to pass, making it sound more like the book describes the specific ways required to make the foretold future happen. Then again, Subaru isn't from this world, so is he maybe somewhat exempt from the book's prophecies? Or is he a requirement for fulfilling them? Roswaal caught on to Subaru's looping because of the book, but how? Is the future changing every time Subaru loops and because Roswaal has read ahead he knew what the future originally was and thus noticed when it changed? Subaru also speculates that Roswaal has the ability to inherit memories like Echidna and thus he can remember the previous timelines, but I feel like he'd be able to understand that the loops were caused by Subaru dying then, since that's the common trait among all of them. Roswaal also says there's no point in talking about thing since he will not be the same Roswaal Subaru meets when he loops again, so I'm assuming that means he can't inherit memories or the new Roswaal, while not the same as the previous loop, would remember his and Subaru's conversation and be able to continue it.

So to recap:

Rem, Petra, and Frederica are murdered after Subaru sent them to the village to keep them safe

He has to watch as Elsa murders a suicidal Beatrice

Elsa cuts out his left eye

He's caught in a harsh snowstorm wearing only a ripped up tracksuit

Emilia, the woman he loves, has a mental breakdown

Roswaal murders Ram and Garfiel right in front of him and admits he deliberately drove Emilia into isolation

Roswaal tortures Subaru in order to try and get him to loop

Rabbits eat Roswaal alive right in front of Subaru and likely are doing the same to the rest of Sanctuary, save for those whom chose suicide by fire rather than being eaten

The replicas are killed defending Subaru under his orders and he still got half-mauled in the process

His first kiss was at the very moment of his death by an insane Emilia

All in all, today's been something of a bummer for Subaru, hasn't it?

In all seriousness though, SOMEONE GIVE THE MAN A HUG!!!

And let's just keep the pain train rolling with Subaru being shown the aftermath of his death after Rem fell into a coma. Seriously, that was heart wrenching, between Emilia's sobbing to Wilhelm's desperation to save him and unable to understand how someone he genuinely respected could take his own life like that.

I kind of suspected this already given the first trial made Subaru confront his past, or at least a version of it, but now with the second trial being "the unknowable present" I'm assuming the three trials are based around past, present, and future respectively.

“—Goodness, can you even stand anymore? Subaru.”

...

For she was the girl who knew Subaru was not strong yet had said to him anyway, “I love you.”

“—Rem.”

“Yes. I am Subaru’s Rem.”

REM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care if it's the Witch of Lust trying to trick him, the story made me need that as much as Subaru did.

“If I was stronger, if I was wiser, if I was a man who could do more...no one would have to suffer, to be sad, to go through hard times like that...”

It would have been so much better if Subaru had been strong enough to do everything, all of it, alone.

Emilia’s sadness, Beatrice’s loneliness, the calamity befalling Petra and Frederica, the menace of the Great Rabbit, Garfiel, who was desperately protecting something... He should have been able to do...something.

Everything, all of it, every last bit of it was Subaru’s fault.

That was why, to balance out his weakness, Subaru had to pay by shaving away his life. —That was what he’d thought, and yet...

“Have I saved...anyone...?”

“Subaru.”

“If those worlds continued after my death, how many times I have I abandoned everyone to die?”

“Subaru.”

“How many times...did I make you die? How many times...do I have to kill you?”

Seriously, why do so many people hate Subaru? And I'm not talking about in-story, I'm talking about how often I see people online just crapping on the guy and really just having such firm dislike for the character. Yeah, he has a bad tendency to shove his foot into his mouth, especially early on, and he most certainly has been selfish and entitled. But he's continuously growing, continuously being made to face his faults and try to overcome them. Most important, at the end of the day he's just a guy who doesn't want anything bad to happen to the people he loves and he tries despite how utterly powerless he is, holding himself to his failures to the point of self-destructiveness. He's far from perfect but he's a good guy who's being continuously pushed to be a better one.

“I’ll show you my weakness. I’ll show you my vulnerabilities. I’ll even show you how I’m a petty, irredeemable bastard. —But the one thing I won’t show you is me giving up.”

Rem had once said...Subaru was her hero.

And Subaru Natsuki had decided to be Rem’s hero.

Again, I don't dislike Emilia at all. I don't even dislike the idea of her and Subaru as a couple, since I can clearly see why Subaru loves her and why Emilia is likely falling for him. But these books have most certainly done nothing to temper how much I love the Subarem ship. How important Rem is to him not only helping to pull Subaru out of his despair over his long string of failures but also how much he wants to be the man she sees him as breaking him out of the Rem-deception. I'm not sure if what I said makes any sense but it's beautiful nonetheless!

The funny thing about Echidna's idea for potential immortality, hopping from one body to the next, is that it's an idea I feel like I've seen many times in fiction and yet I'm drawing a blank on many specific examples. I'm curious if implanting memories into a new vessel is how her tomb works, like she placed herself literally into her tomb and thus why her dream castle exists even after her death?

I am really enjoying Echidna so far. You know Subaru probably shouldn't trust her but she's very good at making herself someone you kind of want to trust. While it's a bit grey to say if she is an outright villain, I think she makes for a very good one.

I feel like I may have a misunderstanding of how Beatrice's pact works. She's to guard the library of forbidden books and sometimes the story makes it sound like she can't leave it, or at least can't leave the mansion, but she has left it a few times now, the furthest being Subaru's suicide jump of the cliff. So is it the overall estate she can't leave or that she can only exit the grounds on certain conditions? Because she and Subaru did have a pact when he went to the cliff.

Next volume should prove interesting, given Subaru seems like he's going to form a pact with Beatrice and Satella just showed up for the tea party. Next volume comes on sale on July 21, so I've got a couple of weeks to wait, unless anyone is aware of any websites that've translated the light novels (not web novels) like Overlord and Konosuba have.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Re_Zero/comments/ho60yc/novels_first_time_read_through_light_novel_vol_12/

[blazerina]

All Too Soon - A Christmas Fic (Drake x MC)

Author’s Note: This is Part 1 of a 4 part Christmas story about Drake, MC & Liam - and their never ending love triangle.  This is somewhat a continuation of a story I wrote a while ago titled “You Do Too.” Search for the tag “blazerina babbles” to find it. My links aren’t working and I just wanna post this thing because it is a beast and has taken FOREVER to finish.  I’ll leave it at that.  

Summary: As Charlie settles in to her role as the future queen with the scandal now behind her, she reflects on Christmas Eve about her time with Drake and if she made the right decision to walk away from him.

Rating: PG

Part 1 of 4.

--

“Thank you again for such a lovely evening.  Merry Christmas, King Liam. Lady Charlotte.” An older, silver haired woman, dressed in a shimmering navy blue gown with a white fur coat draped upon her frail frame, gave her goodbyes to the King and soon-to-be queen.

“So glad you enjoyed it, Duchess Montielle.” Liam bowed his head slightly, smiling.  

Charlotte knew that was her cue. This was King Liam. That smile wasn’t the real one; it was the obedient, responsible, anything-for-Cordonia smile. He was tired and she knew it. The past few months had been nothing less than a whirlwind of stress and pressure, ending in hurt, loss and anger. Once the scandal had been put to rest, it wasn’t as easy as any of them had hoped.

This holiday season was meant to be one of rest and peace, but duty called. Tonight was only the beginning of a series of ceremonies, galas, charity balls, presentations, promotions, speeches and the like. Everyone wanted to see the King and this was the perfect time of year for all of Cordonia to be reassured that their leader had put the scandal far behind him and was moving forward towards the bright future of his country.

Charlotte knew going into the night of the coronation that Liam loved her and wanted to propose to her, but having spent more time with him in light of the scandal, watching him fiercely protect her, seeing him go to battle with his own family and so-called “friends” he had known all his life, just for her…well that made her realize even more, how deeply his love ran for her. She found it hard to believe that he could be so devoted to someone he didn’t know all that well, but it was true. He was genuine about it and he’d stop at nothing to make sure she was happy.  No one had ever treated Charlotte that way, or made her feel as special as Liam did.  He was wholly devoted to her and for the life of her, she’d never truly understand why.

He had gone through so much for her. She told herself that because of all he’d done, he deserved to be happy. She would be forever in his debt.  She had grown to see and love him in new and different ways since they became rightfully engaged. He would soon be her husband and she was hopeful that while the outside perception of him and her and their relationship together would always be altered, they each could hold onto the truth of who they were alone, with each other, behind closed doors.  She loved the Liam that no one else knew…but which Charlotte did Liam love? The real one?  Or the one he thought he knew? She would always question which version of herself she showed to him, mostly because she knew there was a part she’d always have to keep hidden.

Charlie swallowed hard, taking a deep breath, forcing herself to be present and focus on her current surroundings. She was going to be a queen soon and it was time for her to start acting like one.

“It was wonderful to have you join us, so very glad you could be here to celebrate the season.” Charlotte followed up; nodding and doing her best to give a warm goodbye to a woman she had never laid eyes on before this moment.

Liam nodded gratefully at her, turning his head to stifle a quick yawn.  

The royal couple stood at the door of an old church in the historic town square of Cordonia’s capital. Only moments before, Christmas Eve services had concluded and the pair was giving their season’s greetings to each member of the court and the city, who had come to join them for the celebration.

It had been a somber, but beautiful event – it quickly rose to the top of Charlotte’s list as one of her favorite experiences thus far, since joining the court and learning of Cordonia’s existence.

The old church was covered in candlelight. Bright colors were reflected in the stain glass windows that lined each side of the sanctuary.  The soft glow of pale yellow lights on a wreath and some trees near the front of the church, only heightened the feeling of taking part in something holy, something sacred.

The wooden floors creaked with each step taken, and the echoes of voices ringing off of the cobbled stone walls sent shivers down her spine.  Charlotte wondered how many ceremonies just like this one, this building had seen…and quickly realized this was the very place where she would be walking down the aisle in a matter of months.

During the service, as the guests sang the last verse of Silent Night in unison, Charlotte had been moved to tears, but kept her composure in the front row. She stood next to Liam, a stoic pillar of strength and support, everything she had been taught to portray over the last year of her life.  He was holding a candle in his right hand, with his left hand balled into a loose fist by his side.  She was holding her candle in her left hand while her other hand nervously and absentmindedly played with the seam along the side of her dress.  It was a nervous habit she had picked up to keep her hand busy in case Liam wanted to hold it.  The habit had developed back in the days when she and Drake were…well…none of that mattered anymore. Hiding from Liam had proved to be too much for them both.

As she predicted, Liam swiftly brushed his hand against hers while they continued the song, and she forced a quick smile while she gave him a sideways glance. She rested her hand within his, their fingers intertwined and took a deep breath.  This was her life now. She had accepted it.

She felt so guilty. Before the events of the past year, she never knew it was possible to feel so much pressure; so much confusion. She never knew it was possible to feel such shame…never knew it was possible to love two people at once.  

But she did know now that it was impossible to give her whole heart to anyone when she didn’t love herself. And she knew that both of the men she loved so much deserved someone who could give them everything.

While it broke her heart to move on and slowly shut Drake out of her life, she had been more easily able to give herself to Liam…but she knew it would never be completely. As much as she wanted to give him her entire heart, she knew a small fraction of it would always be reserved for Drake. They had been through and experienced too much together for it to be any other way.  

She would always remember the night it began to unravel. He muttered words about pretending and called her a hypocrite. He finally cracked and admitted he couldn’t continue a relationship with her knowing how much it would hurt Liam.

She had responded with words about him fighting for her. She spewed out poisonous phrases about not wanting her enough, using her to distract him while he got over the disappearance of his sister.

 --

“You wanted us to turn out this way, you know.  You made this happen because you couldn’t handle being wrong about me. You couldn’t deal with the fact that maybe I wouldn’t let them change me. Maybe I can be the Charlie you know and still be a part of this court and friends with these people.  Have you ever thought of that?! Maybe I’m strong enough to do this, Drake.  I’ve shattered every thought you’ve ever had about who these people are and what they ‘do’ to others…the problem is…you can’t stand it!”

 “If you think they haven’t changed you, then you’re delusional.” Drake said, calmly, through gritted teeth.  

 “You are NOT the same person I met in New York that night.”

 “You’re right, Drake.  I’m not…”

--

Charlotte was brought out of her reverie by Olivia of all people.  

“Charlotte.  Charlie! Earth to Charlie…” Olivia was impatiently snapping her fingers in front of Charlotte’s face.  

“Yes, yes. I see you. I hear you. Everyone on this block hears you…” She responded, rolling her eyes and greeting her friend with a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m one of the last ones.  Care for a drink? We have a few hours left until Christmas Day and then you’re booked solid again.” The redhead said, with a wink.

Charlotte exchanged glances with Liam who was now speaking with a group of three or four ambassadors who were spending their holiday break in Cordonia, hoping to invest in some commercial goods and set up a fair-trade agreement on behalf of their country.  

Charlotte had spent the past few days with some of them and knew Liam hoped to seal the deal with them soon. It would be perfect timing, as the press would pick it up instantly; with it being the holidays not much was really grabbing headlines these days.

Liam smiled and nodded, giving his approval for Charlotte to go on with Olivia.

“Well, I don’t have all day. Are you coming or not?” She huffed, impatient.

“I think I should wait on Liam.” Charlotte lied.  

“We haven’t had a lot of time together and it is Christmas Eve…” She trailed off, gazing through one of the large windows in the church, out into the street where a few people were walking, looking up into the night sky, watching as snow continued to fall.

“Your loss.” Olivia shot back. “Also…I noticed the forest green ensemble tonight.” Her eyes surveyed Charlotte’s attire while she scanned her from head to toe.

“Well, do you approve?” Charlie asked, honestly.

“Yes. You’re smokin’ hot and you’ve got balls the size of the UK to be wearing that color. First you steal red from me and now you’re stealing green from Madeleine?”

“Oh my God, Olivia. Keep your voice down.” Charlotte immediately hushed her, while trying not to laugh.  

“You had red and she had green. Those ARE the Christmas colors. I was bound to piss somebody off tonight and I’d rather it be her!”

Olivia cackled while putting on her gloves.  “Wise choice. I’ll see you soon – ta ta darling and Merry Christmas!”

She waved over her shoulder as she traipsed out of the church flamboyantly.  

Charlotte chuckled to herself while she began to collect her things. The only people left in the church at this point were her, Liam and the ambassador group.

As Charlotte put on her coat, Liam approached her.  “You’re not going with Olivia?” He asked, concerned.

“Not tonight.  I didn’t feel like it.” She sighed, adjusting the collar of her coat up around her neck. “Are you finishing up?”

It was Liam’s turn to sigh. “Unfortunately, no.  They want to check out the pub down the street because it looks ‘quaint.’” He made air quotes with his fingers while he hung his head dramatically.  “If they don’t agree to this deal after all I’ve done for them this week…”

“I know.” Charlotte smiled, ruefully and patted his shoulder.  “I’m tired, so I think I’ll head over to the parsonage. It should be perfectly cozy by now. I asked them to have a fire going when we returned.”

“I wish I could join you.” Liam held Charlotte’s hand and brought it to his lips, looking at her as he brushed a kiss across the knuckles of her hand.

She blushed slightly, and looked away.

“Don’t be too late, Liam.” Charlie responded, clutching her purse.  

“Ready to go?” A member of the group beckoned from the doorway.  

“Be right there!” Liam answered. “I’ll see you soon, my darling.” He kissed her cheek and grabbed his coat from the pew, then walked briskly out the door with the group and his security detail in tow.

Charlotte’s personal guard, Stefan, waited patiently for her at the doors of the church.  She turned to face the platform again, staring up at the beautiful decorations, taking her time in order to imprint the evening on her mind.

“Ready m’lady?” Stefan called out to her.

“Not yet.  Would you mind waiting outside by the door? I’d like a moment to myself.”

“Of course, Lady Charlotte. The area has already been swept and secured. I’ll be outside whenever you’re ready to depart.”

The heavy front doors of the church closed slowly, but boomed in the emptiness of the sanctuary.  Slowly, Charlotte sank down into one of the pews in the middle of the room.  She inhaled steadily and closed her eyes, allowing herself to lean back against the pew instead of sitting up straight and proper, as a lady of the court should.

Her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Drake tonight.  In the hustle and bustle of the days after their fight, they never really had much closure. There were several moments this evening when she thought she caught a glimpse of him in the crowd. Her heart stopped each time she thought it was him, and part of her was disappointed each time she realized it wasn’t. She could almost swear she felt his presence around her at times, but she chalked it up to the constant guilt and shame she felt lingering around her.

Charlotte didn’t get much time to herself these days, but when she was alone her mind always wandered to Drake.  She had so many questions to ask him; to ask herself.  Mostly she wondered if Liam would ever find out about their tryst – how would he handle it? What would happen?

Then she found herself wishing nothing with Drake had ever started.  It made life so messy. So uncomfortable.  Why did she give in to him? Why did he give in to her? It would have made things so much easier to not have him in her life romantically, at least – but who was she kidding? She knew that if he had stayed around it would have happened no matter what.  The universe was unkind to them. They’d always have a magnetic pull towards each other. That’s why he had to leave.

She hadn’t talked to him about their relationship since that night. He had been around some, and Liam still invited him to everything. They were as close as ever, but he stayed away from Charlotte, only exchanging pleasantries and forcing shallow conversation when they were in public.

Charlotte always regretted that she was the one who walked away. She didn’t let him talk. Didn’t let him explain himself or finish his thought.  She’d curse herself forever for not at least hearing him out. What if he had a plan? What if he wanted to talk things through with Liam? What if he had wanted her after all?

[simkjrs]

gamer au asks

Anonymous said: the first time godgame izuku manifests his quirk scotchtapeofficial@tumblr /post/163140897577/

im laughing this is such a traumatizing way for izuku to discover his quirk oh my god 

Anonymous said: Very important question: Does Gamer Izuku go/ne to the sunchip's place (from carboys)

i havent finished car boys but the answer is probably yes

Anonymous said: if izuku can mod maybe one day can he figure out how to make it that everyone figures out that something isnt his quirk and that the reality is a simulation or are they all parts of the simulation too

this is actually in my chat log... izuku makes a mod so that everyone has awareness of continuity (or lack of) so when izuku mods the world everyone sees the changes and knows they’re not normal. and panic 

Anonymous said: what if monoma copied the gamer quirk? or some villain had a switch-bodies quirk and used it on izuku and another character?? would they just go on without noticing anything unusual or not??

monoma is overwhelmed by the gamer quirk so by the time the five minutes are up he hasn’t made any headway in actually understanding it, unfortunately. it gains izuku’s interest though because maybe it’s possible... that monoma has the potential to become a real person in this simulation, too... 

i’m not sure about the switching bodies quirk. if this person switches bodies, theoretically that means, since they have izuku’s brain and body, that they would be able to use izuku’s quirk.  but if they have izuku’s brain and body, and not their own, would they even be able to switch back? 

i feel we should retroactively question whether or not this whole ‘gamer au’ quirk is even a quirk, and not just some inexplicable, strange phenomenon that only izuku is privy to 

@valerii376 said: Izuku adding Tsuyu as an admin and her losing her cool

good ask 

“i’m sorry,” izuku says to a panicking tsuyu, “i just couldn’t stand being the only real person in the world anymore. i hope you don’t mind” 

@viperofsand said: A funny thing about the gamer au is people being like 'oh how did you become this nihilist in this age of hereos' and Izuku being like '...i already said that reality is a lie you ain't listening'

“even the heroes are just an artificial construct. their actions, their speeches, their paradigms... it’s just a program. a code. it doesn’t mean anything at all.” 

Anonymous said: Then he's like, 'well that wasn't bad but how about something else?' and the best thing in the world in our lifetime are giant fluff pups. So izuku wins at life at that point. but no, why stop there. She's already three stories high, so clearly she needs education. So he edits the dear oversi-PERFECTLY sized dog to attend his school. And due to her wonderful size she clips through the ceiling. Either no one notices or cares but thats beyond Izuku 2/

So, Izuku realizing that he only chipped the iceberg of unreality. He can get lightsabers if he wanted to. Delve through all of fiction, put it in life and no one will be the wiser. Cause chaos and it's everyday life. Life doesn't have a hard concrete surface it used to. when he 'mods' life into having a terrible texture. He sees the blob humans and thinks 'ha ha wow this is bad'. In which he, accidentally, pushes himself further away from reality and, even more accidentally, from people. 3/

While accepting his new unreality, barreling into a world in which he can create and change at will. People are npcs. Izuku is the player. The world is a rpg. Eventually Izuku is so far out of touch with reality, he becomes borderline nihilistic and "Oh dear god these are living humans what am I doing" 4/4

5+ I have no idea how I did all of that or what I was doing. But theres my take of what might happen (very roughly and loosely) in the gamer izuku au. I hope you enjoyed it (or not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). This is just something silly (is spiraling down into nihilism silly). This mega might also come out as needlessly edgy. BUT A BIG POINT you've been lowkey giving me a will to write. Don't to bother you!

your first ask got eaten by tumblr so i’m just going to guess that it was about the dog and izuku figuring out that he can change her size 

this series of asks actually follows the vague direction of where i want to go with the gamer au, congratulations :p i’m glad you were inspired to write! 

Anonymous said: haha would anyone even know about Izuku's quirk?

probably not... there’s nothing he can do to prove that it exists outside of his perception. at least until he finds the console and figures out all the console commands. then he can delete buildings at will but at that point he’s already registered as quirkless and this is too difficult to explain anyways so he just, doesn’t tell anyone 

Anonymous said: WAIT WHAT HAPPENS IF GAMER IZUKU MESSES UP AND DIVIDES BY ZERO?

ERROR

Anonymous said: So like if gamer izuku were to like accidentally die, (a building falls on him or something) would he have a respawn point? Or would he just go back to where he last saved during the day?

i think he’d go to his last save 

Anonymous said: if we’re going with godgame izuku realizing the world is a simulation, maybe he eventually tries to break the world by modding it ala ‘final pam’ style: turning people into helicopters. setting mineta’s size to scale .0001 and losing him.

yes. 

@angryqueermermaid said: GOAT SIMULATOR

im laughing??? YEAH. GAMER AU IS JUST ONE BIG GOAT SIMULATOR EXCEPT FOR THE WHOLE WORLD.

Anonymous said: I'm crying thinking about all of the fucking glitches I've seen and the shit I've seen done in gta specifically - like there's a video where mc just. becomes a fucking blue whale. through modding.

the potential of this au is limitless 

Anonymous said: Gamer AUs have become my recent obsession as of late, and can I just say that this is, like, one of the greatest gamer AU ideas ever.

thank you! 

Anonymous said: godgame izuku making mineta so small he's practically non-existent and then someone steps on him. mineta is dead.

glad we’re all in agreement about mineta!

Anonynous said: can Izuku just. hack through the layers of reality and make himself a millionare. take away humanitys use of quirks. save, punch bakugou, then reload the save? GIVE KIRISHIMA ALL THE HUGS OH GOD IM DYING. change the code of the universe so that there is no more corrupt people and the Socio Economic system is All Fine and everyone is Happy. glitch out and nap for ten years. please expand simk you already have my soul what more can I give you

izuku CAN set his money to $999,999,999,999,999 but if he spends too much of it he WILL devalue the currency. he could probably disable people’s quirks from the console, but hasn’t figured out how to do it as an “area effect” thing yet so if he wanted to get rid of all quirks he’d have to manually do it one by one. he cannot change the universe’s code to fix everything, thus contributing more to his belief that the world is meaningless, as are his abilities to affect it. 

Anonymous said: That. Was a very good AU. I approve, and it made me burst out laughing. Can Izuku pull up a mainscreen thing or just pause time if he wants too? Just... pause the game that is real life and hop over to another layer of reality? Does he ever see a loading screen when going into a new area? Have a map he can access at any time? ANYWAY I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOUR BEAUTIFUL MIND AND THE WAY IT WORKS AND THAT ALL OF YOUR AU'S ARE GREAT AND SO IS THE GAMER ONE PLEASE GIVE US MORE INFO THANKS

he can pull up a mainscreen but when he exits he’s in the same place as before. a loading screen when he goes to a new area... is probably something that happens. eventually he gets a map and a quick travel function. he doesn’t know exactly how it works but he’s not complaining 

anything is possible 

[perfectackeracy]

considering what you've already written on the topic of eren's behavior during chapter 84 up until recently; what do you think of him as a character in general?

Eh, I’ll give my judgement when the story will be over. He is the main character after all and I feel like giving a judgement now would be too premature, despite us nearing the end of the manga. I’ve got the beginning but the end is absolutely necessary for me to answer your question properly.

Still, if you want something partial, but still long, follow me under the cut (too bad for mobile users because screw the interface right).

It truly depends of how Isayama writes him at the end, if he really intended him to be some normie who tried to be a hero and change things, but failed, or… something else. Indeed, the end heavily relies of what’s presented to us at the beginning:

“No… But I feel like I just had the longest dream.. What was it? Now I can’t remember…” - Ch.1

Flashback? Future vision? We all thought till chapter 89 came that future vision was bull. It took a whole chapter to suddenly invert the perspective. While there isn’t many chapters left, there’s still facts that are going to pop up that might suddenly change our perception of the characters forever.

…Just like mine with Eren in chapter 84.

I’d actually like the normie one because it would fit what Eren did at the beginning: joining the Survey Corps on a whim because he hates being confined and ended up inheriting a power considered absolute, realizing he made a huge mistake from the start.

It seems Isayama, who previously had a vague idea of what he wanted to do with him, found something more defined. If I recall correctly he felt inspired by Yuki Kaiji, the voice actor from Eren. He even told Araki to make him more pathetic than in the original manga, implying Eren was never meant to be the literal version of a hero, a character with admirable traits.

Usually, the typical shônen protagonist is a character who has a dream, since they were little and do almost anything in order to accomplish it, whether it is becoming the strongest, becoming somebody important, solving a mystery, finding somebody from your life who has gone missing, etc… Their personality vary from manga to manga, but it’s often the cheerful teenager, naive or hot-blooded, capable of being a simpleton due to his lack of experience but also the one who motivates people, is surrounded by his nakama and clashes with rivals and enemies.

The vengeful protagonist also exists, but they’re mostly present in dark shônen or shônen trying to deal with more mature themes without being labeled as a seinen. Eren registers in this category, while building the development of a typical shônen protagonist without exhibiting its qualities: he’s not full of dream and ambition, something a shônen MC should inspire in the heart of young boys. Instead, he’s described as being selfish, having a complex or no ambition at all.

As extra evidence, his highschool AU describes him as the frustrated normie who’s annoyed “in one way or another”. The fake preview from volume 22 describes him as neither belonging to the nerds or the jocks nor having any dreams or interests (it’s interesting how the formulation here ends in “もない” on the three sentences of the description, almost as if Eren meant nothing), despite the wannabe’s reputation being neutral. That’s kinda sad when you think about it actually, because at his core, he really needs to fuel his blank state.

Still, Isayama doesn’t make him wander around aimlessly in the canon storyline and managed to give him a purpose. He strangely carries themes like the Chosen One because people, specifically Grisha imposed that on him. Carla called her son special for the sole reason he was born into this world, that every human who sees the light of the day is considered special. 

Because he was frustrated about “Humanity’s submission against the titans”, that’s what prompted him to step out and defy the “imposed slavery” on him. He wasn’t always like that, though. Meeting and knowing Armin triggered that complex about him lacking ambition.

Eren and Armin meeting for the first time - Ch. 83

When he first met Armin, he befriended him fairly quickly because of their status as outcasts. Eren already showed signs of not belonging to the other kids, probably because he had trouble sharing the same interests as them and also because he gets irritated quickly and gets into fights to shut them up. Funnily enough, those panels show the first signs of Eren’s prevalent traits: fighting back and beating them or else you’re a loser.

“I had never thought about what was beyond the walls until then… I’d only spent my days looking at the clouds in the sky. Not that it’s anything strange for a kid eight or nine years old to not be thinking about anything… but then you came running to me with a book. Both of us were outcasts, not able to get along with the other kids in town. That’s all we were back then. But when I heard you telling me those things… and I saw the look in your eyes. That’s when I knew for the first time. I wasn’t free. I noticed that I had been living in a birdcage for all this time. And that these freakish things had taken my freedom. The world was so big, but they’d forced me into a tiny cage. And when I realized that… I knew I could never forgive them.” - Ch.73

It wasn’t so much about the ocean or the contents of the outside world Eren was motivated for. Because he was aimlessly starting at the sky, he couldn’t believe someone like Armin could conceive something like… ambition. That’s why Eren was intrigued by the look in his eyes. And because the titans were actually obstacles to his personal space, he held a grudge against them. They were in the way, they were giant-sized bullies, they have to be removed.

Eren’s character song actually fist up nicely with his character: “男はロマンだぜ！たけだ君っ“ by Shinsei Kamattechan (lyrics and translation here) illustrates somebody talking to a certain Takeda, who prompts him to disobey his parents and do whatever they want because they’re free, despite them being children (the song talks about spending money carelessly and buying cigarettes). Eren being either one of the kids, wants his taste of freedom without having any authority telling him not to do it.

“From the day we’re born, there was something special about all of us: we’re free” - Ch. 73

Needless to say, I think that attitude and that grudge against the titans pushed him to idolize the Survey Corps and eventually join them. Because they went as far as destroying his district, making him swear extermination on every person responsible.

Then there was his meeting with Mikasa.

“You see Eren, that attitude is why you only have one friend.” - Ch. 5

Here we have yet Eren’s “normie” attitude demonstrated when it comes to Grisha asking him to get familiar with Mikasa. But then, he certainly wans’t expecting corpses.

Eren ready to begin the chase - Ch. 5

I tend to see this chapter as Eren being triggered by seeing dead bodies on the floor. Him seeing Mikasa’s parents being brutally murdered tingled his sense of justice and frustration: “How dare they kill people? This if worthy of the death penalty and I’m going to inflict that to them!”. The way he got close to these bandits is almost as scary as what they were planning to do with Mikasa: he’s approaching the first one by acting like an innocent child with clear murder intent (He’s supposed to be 9!!!). He then proceeds to pin down the second one before repeatedly stabbing himself over and over.

“I stopped dangerous beasts!! They only happened to resemble humans!! If you hadn’t come here, they would have been gone by the time the military police brigade had arrived!! The MPs wouldn’t have made it in time!!” - Ch. 5

Notice how the justification he brings to kill them is because they reduced themselves to low beasts who kill people, and as beasts, it’s “only natural” they deserve a death penalty. Besides, Eren is motivating Mikasa using the same logic he used for Armin: fight or you’re a complete loser.

Eren “teaching” Mikasa - Ch. 5

Needless to say that Eren wasn’t opposed to let Mikasa live in his house. He came to realize years later his attitude towards the bandits was pure impulse, as he gets lectured by Reiner about the meaning of being a soldier in chapter 17.

In the very first chapter of the series, every trait I’ve mentioned till there transpires into his motivation into joining the Survey Corps, so he wouldn’t live as a “caged animal” any longer. He gets upset when people are talking trash about them because he truly believed they were doing it for great justice. And that day, when the wall has been breached, it just so happens that Eren had a weird dream when he was crying and it was finally the day where Grisha showed him the basement. That day truly changed his life, for the best or the worst.

“I hate the idea of spending my whole life… inside the wall, ignorant of what’s happening in the world outside!!” - Ch. 1

But of course, this “outside” serves mostly as an excuse to give him more space. As he declared later: “They’re our lives! we can do whatever we want with them, right?”

When Shiganshina fell, Eren made his vow to kill every single titan left. During that time, he punched Hannes for preventing him from saving his mom. What was interesting is that piece of flashback before scrolling back to present.

“I’ll never be able… to go home again. Up to the end, all I could do was argue and be stubborn! Mom’s gone!! I’m never gonna see her again… Why is this happening to us? Is it because humans are weak? Is crying the only thing the weak can do?! I’m gonna destroy them!! Every last one… of those animals… that’s on this Earth!” - Ch. 2

The night when Shiganshina has fallen was the night where Grisha passed his titan power to Eren. The part where Grisha stated two contradictory statements in relation with chapter 89.

“Eren, get revenge for your mother. You can do it.” - Ch. 71

“Eren… never let this key… out of your sight. And everytime you look at it… remember… that you have to go to the basement room. The injection will cause damage to your memory… That’s why I can’t explain this to you now… but when you go to the basement room someday, you’ll learn the truth… it will be a hard and merciless road… but you have to recapture Wall Maria and get to that room. The power I’m giving you will be useful then. Their memories will teach you how to use it… if you want to save Mikasa… Armin… and everyone else… you’ll have to… control this power!” - Ch. 10

“Dad… Stop it! Dad! What are you doing?! You’ve been acting crazy since mom died!!”, “Eren!! Hold out your arm!” - Ch. 3

“You will be the one… to avenge your mother!!”, “Okay“ - Ch. 63

This moment was really hard to piece out together because what was thought as a contradiction became a succession of events where Grisha scared his son with the shifter power talk, but riled back him for a short while by settling him as one one who will avenge his mom. Earlier, Grisha made his mind and picked him as the legitimate successor of the Attack Titan. Thanks to chapter 89, it may have been inevitable. In this scene, he went from a sorrowful expression to an angry one, almost swapping memories for a brief instant like what happened with Kruger. In any case he burdened Eren with his shifter power and the Coordinate, thus making him bare probably the biggest sin going by Ymir’s curse. 

Because of that, his whole life changed. So did Eldians’.

The next segment is about Eren joining the military, two years after working in a settlement. This is the time where his attitude sort of... changed.

Eren trying to let his will of dominance pushing him forward - Ch. 15

Chronologically, starting from that point, Eren uses “we” when talking about Humanity. Mostly because, as stated by his dialogue in chapter, he believes in unity against a common enemy. He settled the titans as the enemy “humanity” was supposed to defeat, despite him quickly meeting, and clashing with people who didn’t agree with that notion: it started with Hannes not taking his job seriously, then Jean who outright admitted he’d rather live a comfy life inside the walls. Even much later in chapter 72, when Eren mentions that spirit of unity, Armin internally disagrees by thinking about his bullies. 

Eren’s world was mostly an ideal one, where you loop the first opening of the anime and have humanity fighting against the titans, forgetting not every single human is motivated by rage: Mikasa is fine with living with Eren in a quaint place, Levi “the hero” is mostly motivated by Erwin, Jean wanted and comfy life among the MP, people have a very negative opinion of the SC in general, Ymir doesn’t mind living her life for herself despite knowing much more about what’s happening than Eren does...

His biggest obstacle was the first step for 3DMG training, where Keith sabotaged the equipment on purpose. For the first time, Eren felt like his goal just evaporated in the air, with everybody mocking him for it, followed by an argument with Mikasa, who’s trying to dissuade him:

“You shouldn’t set your sights on that anyway. If you’re not cut for it, what can you do? Because at this rate, you’re just going to die in vain. And all your dreams and efforts will be for nothing. I’m saying you shouldn’t aim to be a soldier. You can always support the human race by being a producer. Laying down your life isn’t the only way to fight. [...] ...Your resolve has nothing to do with it. It’s not your decision whether you get to be a soldier, Eren...” - Ch. 16

Eventually, nothing worked. Eren still wants to pass the 3DMG exam. While talking to Reiner and Bertolt, he declares his will to kill the titans is a need he personally feels: becoming a soldier is a way to achieve this. I’m sure he’d find another way out if he can’t pass the exams, mostly because he has nothing left to make him move.

Parts of his personality have been shaped later by Reiner and Annie: Reiner about the solider mumbo-jumbo, Annie because of her techniques aiming to defeat people quickly. He demonstrated these two aspects during his fight with Jean (with Annie and Reiner even looking!). 

“...I see... he was... just venting his feelings. Like I did before... but I’m different now... I’m... a soldier! [...] I’ll use my skills to finish this.” - Ch. 17

The most important part of his training is reserved for hand-to-hand techniques, skills proving themselves to be really useful once Eren shifts to a titan. Seems Annie was really insistent on teaching Eren these techniques as soon as he reminded her of her father, because Eren’s reality was just as misplaced as his. You can see that insistence if you connect chapter 17 and chapter 44 together.

I think I’d rather break this analysis into several parts because it’s getting way too long. Eren faced different trials in Trost, during the FT arc and so on, where he had to deal with huge losses, traitors, the hard truth and eventually, the coordinate settling in.