#also hiiiii sorry I’ve been dead

[luuxxart]

it continues to be sunny in the Takeba family

[magpies4nights]

Hi guys I’m back again lol (Dev log #14)

Hiiiii guyssssss, guess who’s back

from PRISON

*Thunder*

I’m almost done with the semesterrrrrr

*Thunder*

I barely passed my classessss

*Thunder*

I’ve been sleeping for 10 hours since like Friday because April and March exhausted meeeee

*Thunder*

I’m so damn done. Well, not done with the game, but done with life. I know employment is going to be hard and I don’t want to be someone’s housewife. I would have said take me to Mars but I can barely survive when temperatures drop to 16 degrees celsius and if I end up going there and surviving then that means the problems will come back to me. Sigh. 

Well, Game dev time. Since the hiatus, I literally did nothing. I did finish Kyu’s base sprites, Father Figure’s base sprites and started on Priyah’s, but I’ll be honest I haven’t done much else because classes were getting tougher and tougher until pretty much I couldn’t do anything else except eat sleep and study. I think they have the least sprites because they have no line boil (I’d like to think the line boil means they’re getting affected by the game breaking down (I’d like to think the father figure is so damn powerful and immortal he literally sleeps through all the crazy shit that happens because that’s basically all what he does in the games except for punting his kid for eating chips loudly or disturbing his sleep)). So, what am I going to do? Continue Priyah’s sprites, then maybe do Orby’s, which probably would take me a bit longer because they would have line boil. Then maybe the diner cast, because Tiny Terson doesn’t deserve his own base sprites. If there is 1 million Tiny Terson haters I am one of them. If there is only 1 Tiny Terson hater that is me. If there are 0 Tiny Person haters then I am dead.  I’ll start with making the game actually playable after all the base sprites are done because right now it’s just a sandbox with nothing to do.

I have put the demo to make you guys see what I’m talking about (it’s an HTML5 game. It’s really glitchy for some reason and some scenes for some reason can’t load the assets in smhhhhh. I’m going to make the full game downloadable when it’s out for windows because I have a feeling you can’t save on browser. Sorry Mac users. Not sorry. Also, I can't guarantee the downloadable thing at the bottom will run tbh.)

Here is the link to the demo: https://yal-armstong.itch.io/scaperat-the-demo

Is it exactly referencing if you’re taking like 2 lines of a song's lyrics? I don’t know but this song has been inadvertently been influencing the way I make jokes lmao deadass whenever I say anything about feeling sad this is how I expect the recipient of my message to read it like.

This song literally was what my early teens was like, like the basic lyrics that get the point across and the "emo" instrumental. Which honestly, it makes sense because this song was written by a 13 year old (which honestly, good for her). I’ll be honest, I really only miss my early teens a little bit because that's when I realized I wanted to be a game dev, but I didn't actually try making games until I was 19, which honestly thank god, because I just know I would make something angsty and cringey at 15. Also I LITERALLY DIDN’T KNOW THIS SONG WAS A JAMSTER RINGTONE?! I literally saw the music video first and was like “holy shit now this is some good shit” (I was 11 ok, I wanted to look like her so damn bad back then but I knew my parents would make fun of me)

I swear to god if any of you laugh at me because I used picmix instead of blingee I would have used it but literally could not sign up for blingee. We live in a society/j

[ghostbeam]

Hey can I get that satoroz essay? I’m in dire need of your beautifully crafted self ship narratives right now

Hiiiii sera sorry for being insane but i kind of went crazy abt him and honestly could maybe say more but i literally needed to shut up ajsjsjsksjsk

Oh satoroz……he is my best friend in the whole wide world and I mean that and I friendzone him for YEARS because of it like I literally just don’t believe him when he like tries to flirt or like ask me on a date I’m like hahaha yeah let’s go on a “date” like I’m treating it as a game I’m like yeah let’s dress up and shit

And it KILLS him but honestly he will wait and it’s not like he has time to even deal with our feelings on top of like. Everything else in his life so❤️ it’s fine he will just keep randomly flirting while I keep not taking him seriously and we are like grossly affectionate and don’t think anything of it and also when he is running low on his dior lipgloss and I’m still shiny we kiss to share the shine but anyways

I’m kind of like. So so soooo scared to fall in love with him and that’s part of the reason that I invest so much in the friendship and constantly brush off his advanced because I don’t think he’s serious and I am scared that if I read into it he’ll be like oh….i don’t want u like that

But also we are the worst duo to ever live and whenever everyone’s hanging out everybody is always like FUCK they’re gonna be there????? Like we are truly insufferable like gojo brings out the annoying in me nanami is like u are so fun to hang out when he’s not here and I’m like yeah I know but consider that I have more fun when he’s here and gojo overhears this and is like oh my heart literally belongs to her!!! cool!!!!!

Ummmmm I think it finally hits me that I am In Love with him For Real and I’m still like oh he thinks this is a joke he thinks it’s funny to say he’s gonna marry me (he’s dead serious and he’s not laughing) and I’m insane so I’m like hey can u stop doing that pls and he’s like oh u hate me and u want me to die and that causes like a little rift between us until hes like banging at my door like wtf wait no????? I’m in love with u and I’ve been trying to tell u the whole time Ive know u….and I’m like wtf I thought u were joking…..and he’s like WHY and I’m like bc u just say shit!!!!!

And anyways we’re like grossly in love and probably have nasty marathon sex (yes with lots of biting!!!!) and then we become even MORE codependent than before which is saying a lot cause wow were we codependent but now it’s like disgusting everyone hates us so bad and this time gojo keeps trying to propose and I’m like hahaha how funny and he’s like😐😐😐😐

There’s also like conflict because once we’re together gojo is like let me take care of u pls depend on me and I’m like no I’m independent I’m my own person separate from u and he’s like nooooooo🥺🥺🥺🥺we belong to each other🥺🥺🥺and I secretly really love that he keeps trying to take care of me but it does go against my entire being but he will break me down bc he’s good at that<3333

[fuwushiguro]

hi love— you by no means have to answer this and I apologize if me sending this is crossing any of your boundaries, but I’ve been seeing your posts on my dash and it felt wrong to not say anything. firstly, you are an incredible writer. it’s a simple fact that is sometimes incomprehensible simply because it’s you and we struggle to believe we are talented and capable when the thoughts in our mind constantly tell us otherwise. because of that, it’s important we have people that actively remind us that we are needed and loved to actively combat those thoughts, but sadly tumblr has been rather… neglectful recently and feedback is a rarity these days. however, this is not at all a comment on you, it’s just sort of how things are recently— a bit dead I guess, and painfully so. because of that, I completely understand you feeling the urge to leave because I felt the same and actually did it, but as you can tell I’ve come back, so :’) I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you plan on leaving, nobody can stop you and we would respect your decision because it is purely yours to make, but that is not at all to say you won’t be missed and people don’t appreciate you. personally I left after my old blog suddenly became filled with hate anons and discouragements, and I just simply didn’t feel seen or wanted anymore. it felt good for a while, until I realized I love writing too much to ever truly leave and the interactions with people who enjoy your writings is one of the best feelings that I don’t want to run from. so, when I came back, I started new series and tried to recreate myself, and it felt so surreal because I felt like I started over just to slip into my old place, and sometimes I regret deactivating because the real issue wasn’t me but just… the environment my blog had lead to. I noticed you receiving a lot of unwarranted hate and it was the same for me. it was miserable and I can now safely say the only way to prevent it is to simply block anyone who ever makes you feel uncomfortable and pick your moots carefully to only surround yourself with people who actually want to see you thrive and care about you in general. god sorry this was so long but bottom line is— I think you’re extremely talented and not the issue here. a place you love may feel tarnished and it’s made you want to leave but you are NOT the issue, okay? you have never not been anything but talented, patient, and kind— do not let strangers hiding behind anon bully you into ever thinking otherwise. whether you leave or stay, the impact you’ve left on the writing community remains, I mean… I saw your masterlist for kinktober (a little late I left before then pfft) the other day??? babe??? that was INSANE, I was flabbergasted on how you were able to complete something so well and with such good quality??? like it’s actually inspiring you truly are talented. I also need to reread your series bc (confession time), I used to binge read your writings and be too scared to interact with them because so I am extremely shy with people I admire, but I refuse to do that anymore so expect me rbing your fics with long commentary very soon. gahhh, okay I’m gonna shut up now, again please do not feel required to even read this, and I greatly apologize if it upsets you in any manner. I just wanted to say you are important to the writing community and if you feel out of place— I am here to remind you of that. much love <3

Hiiiii omg sorry it take me so long to reply to this 😭 this is seriously so lovely and kind I'm so overwhelmed. Thank you for sharing your experience with me and trying to make me feel better it's so sweet of you. I'm hoping things will calm down and I will be able to feel better at some point. The support is definitely making me feel better at least so that's cool :o) but yeah thank you for this!! I really appreciate it. And if you ever wanna chat or anything my DM's are open 🥺💕

[coweggomelet]

i apparently enjoy putting down my thoughts on the off chance someone will read it and enjoy it so here’s rwby rewatch vol 3. i’m ready to be sad!!

(note: it’s long i’m sorry, i have many thoughts and i tried to narrow it down but oh boy do i think im funny)

- the SOUND DESIGN. AGAIN

- ruby you’re so precious. so sweet. so eager. so earnest. c’mere and i’ll protect you from all the bad shit that happens to you later

- hi cardboard cutout tai

- i keep getting an ad for a rooster teeth show called camp betrayal and the way this man says “hoo hoo hoo” will haunt me for the rest of time

- oh shit the fact that it’s called amity has such insane implications for what it’s used for later. jesus.

- “bffs!” “No.” “…/yessss/” love them

- yeet the yang

- god ruby’s admiration of emerald is so sad in retrospect like… oh boy ruby you’re in for it

- PYRRHAAAAA I LOVE YOU DONT LEAVE ME

- “even if you know how a story ends, that doesn’t make it any less fun to watch” wow cinder are you psychic

- ummmm they’re having a talk can you please respect their privacy

- thor whomst??? i only know nora valkyrie

- BROODY MAN

- hiiiii gavin

- so much mid battle banter. in the middle of a big important fight they just have to make jokes and argue. i love teenagers

- SILENCE YOU BOOB

- awww winter you’re a disaster and you’re horribly emotionally repressed because of your bitch ass dad but jesus christ you care about your little sister and you wanna know she’s doing okay and i’m emotional about it

- PENNYYYYY my love just keep being you

- jeez i forgot how early on ironwood was talking his shit about being “someone who will act”, the “only person” who will do what needs to be done, as if his course of action is what needs to be done

- every single person who underestimates emerald and mercury gets so fucked up. like so many people look at these youngerish teenagers with some funny one liners and banter and go “oh they seem capable and they’re confident and funny so i like em but i can take em” and then absolutely get the shit kicked out of them. and i think that’s why they’ve been so successful, cause nobody takes them seriously enough to consider them a threat.

- see this is why i love rwby. coco just turned her handbag into a gatling gun and cut down a field of grass with it

- god the way they hint at emerald’s semblance before fully showing what it is. *chef’s kiss*

- winter marry me

- we love an uncle who absolutely destroys his nieces at video games

- “they do and they’re called silver!” ruby i love you

- top heavy. heheh

- this dude’s weapon is a trumpet!! she’s got glowing nunchucks!! i love this show!!

- this battle music is AMAZING what the FUCK they’re fighting to JAZZ

- cinder if you keep having vague ominous dialogue people are gonna get the wrong idea

- oh yeah great idea asking a child to take on immense power which sends her into a stressed out panicky spiral and alienates her from the people she finally feels legitimately connected to and for once didn’t feel alienated from

- oh fuck. oh fuck the finals. oh god. oh no.

- she’s so happy. she’s so ready to have a good fight. i’m gonna cry

- FUCK

- and with one moment, the entire show flipped on its head

- god when i watched that the first time i fuckin freaked. i was not prepared man. i was warned. but i was not prepared for this much of a fucking tone change man. that quickly. like tone changes (in my experience) normally happen gradually, but this one happened in, what? 30 seconds?

- fuck

- god this is so bad

- and it GETS WORSE i can’t do this

- love that we can see yang’s distraught eyebrows through her bangs

- after this episode was the first time my friend asked me “how we doing buddy?” and i’ve only wanted to kill her more since then

- oh god emerald’s backstory. this poor child. she was so alone and cinder was there and said i can give you a place i can give you a purpose i can give you security and emerald latched on so hard.

- hiiiii laura bailey i wish you had more than a lil baby line and some sounds of effort

- god that little anklet

- god what a fuckin backstory episode man. backstory? evil plan explanation? idk but it was good

- great parent move. telling your kid you’ll only save them once.

- jaune you sweet good boy. what a good boy. i love him

- god this poor child. she doesn’t deserve this. FUCK i’m so sad. is that the last conversation they have?

- oooooh shit this song is so good. what the fuck i have chills it’s so fitting

- god everyone else is so happy and excited and then there’s ruby who is one of the very few people who knows how bad a fight between penny and pyrrha could be and pyrrha who’s got to decide if she wants someone else’s aura smushed with hers, which could turn her into a different person. FUCK

- peeeennyyyyy “salutations!! it’s an honor to meet you!” it huuuurts

- it makes me so sad but damn was this a good diabolical plan

- god im so sad. penny is so good. and pyrrha’s fuckin eyes. and ruby just collapsing. jesus christ. it’s all fuckin falling apart

- oh fuck here we go. those klaxons are so terrifying

- it makes me so happy that torchwick gets rescued and then like maybe a couple episodes later just gets swallowed

- the fuckin adam fight is coming up too. jesus. really piling on here

- RUBY IS USING ONE OF PENNY’S SWORDS IM GONNA CRYYY

- and she doesn’t even hesitate to save pyrrha

- the one and only time (to my memory) that ironwood is gentle is when he says no one would blame the students if they left. that might be the last time he actually remembers that they’re all teenagers and feels sympathy for these children with all this pressure on them

- oh yeah the big boy

- the first time i watched this i was LOSING MY MIND this whole time. like yang attacked mercury and from then on man. just freaking out.

- eurgh grimm juice

- c’mon blake you got this. i mean. technically you don’t. the fight goes poorly. but you fuckin try and you’re so brave about it and i love youuu

- shut the FUCK up adam you GROOMED her you ASSHOLE

- aahhhh i love velvet!!! her semblance and her whole fighting style is so goddamn cool and has such interesting implications for using weapons and powers of people who are dead

- OH SHIT SHE DOES SUMMON HERE DOESNT SHE. partly but still

- get fucked, torchwick. GET FUCKED. get fuckin chomped

- a backhanded slap feels so much more violent than any fighting with weapons

- uh oh evil katniss

- god. the fucking blood splatter turning the whole shot red. just their silhouettes. the slow motion. the arm slowly separating.

- my friend was also a big fan of “how we feeling?”

- bad. the answer is bad you fuckin sadist

- oz is… a lot of things, and one of them is a goddamn good fighter

- oh god oh noooo she’s gonna kiss & yeet AWWWW FUCK this is heartbreaking

- pyrrha i love you

- if i don’t look it’s not real

- oh pyrrha my love

- awww hey tai. what a good dad. love tai

- i’m so sad. everyone’s so sad. and then salem just has to do an ominous lil monologue where she lays out her whole plan to divide them and makes a fuckin semblance pun. she’s such a good villain

- jacque you stiff bitch

- they’re all fuckin scattered and depressed

- love team rnjr tho

- there she is. god what an ending

[sanzu-sanzu-sanzu]

Hiiiii.🙈

Just came here to say that I love your Songs About Toxic People so much.❤️ I've been obsessed about the Bonten Executives ever since I caught up with the manga and it's just so sad how we don't have enough content about them yet.🤧

I love all the Bonten Executives and my favorites are Sanzu and the Haitanis.🥺🤧💕

It's funny because I don't even know how that happened and I didn't notice it right away but the next thing I know I'm simping after the three of them so hard and for days my mind has been filled with nothing but thoughts of them ever since. Oh, the struggle. (😂)

The lack of content about them almost turned me into a fanfic writer right then and there (🤣) because I seriously wanted to read something about an OC who's also the only female executive in Bonten and I almost wrote it down myself, I swear.😆 I have never written something before in my life. Never. That's why I am soooo glad to find Songs About Toxic People. You have no idea how you saved me from the thirst I've been having ever since I got introduced to Bonten!Sanzu and Bonten!Haitanis and how you silenced the raging thoughts in my head about them if only for a little while, may God help me.

Now. About your absolutely beautiful and wonderfully written fic. Let me just say that I love everything about it.✨ The characterization, the little details about OC, their interactions, the dialogue, everything, is chef's kiss in my opinion. English is not my first language and (I'm guessing your's isn't as well? If I'm wrong, please ignore this but if I'm right then) I admire how beautiful your narration is. The words you use and the way you can create an image in your readers' minds using your descriptions is amazing.❤️

Your "show, don't tell" skills in writing is very beautiful, very admirable, and it's also my most favorite part of your story. I love it very much, seriously. That skill is the one thing I lack that made me give up in being able to write something of my own.😌 I realized that when it comes to writing, there are so many factors to remember and consider in order to make it interesting and engaging for your readers. Worldbuilding, character development, pacing, to name a few. But the hardest for me to master is the one thing you're so amazingly good at. And I admire you for that. That's why whenever I come across a writer like you with such excellent "show, don't tell" skills, I always make sure to make my appreciation shown. ❤️

Another thing I love about your story is the OC.😭 God, I love her so much. She is everything I've wanted to see in a fic that involves the Bonten Executives. She's a badass, she's feisty, and she perfectly fits right in with the other characters. I could just cry with how perfect she is in my opinion and you made that happen.😭❤️ I'm very satisfied with her character and I want to thank you again because I just know that if I did followed up on my need to write my own fic despite my inexperience, I just know that I'll end up disappointing myself and possibly even hate the plot idea because I was not able to meet my own expectations so thank you, thank you, thank you.❤️

She is amazing. You are amazing. Your whole fic is super amazing. I am glad and relieved that I don't have to write my own because yours already exists and it's so perfect.🤧

A female Bonten Executive, and the only female one at that.🥺🤧😭 I am so incredibly happy that the idea is finally out there and someone finally wrote it and that someone is also such a good writer. 🙌🏼

Kudos to you and I hope I can do more than just read and then say thanks. I believe you deserve more than that because I've been looking for this exact content you made and I've been looking for days. And now that I found one, even just the one, I'm relieved because it's already perfect on its own.😌

It's possible that it would take a long time for other writers to write something like this: a female OC that involves the Bonten Executives, my favorite flavor.🤧 It makes me sad, but no matter. I don't mind if I have to reread Songs About Toxic People again and again and again like how Sanzu takes drugs I'M SORRY for a long while because it's enough to satisfy my hunger and my thirst for the time being.❤️

Wow. This got super long. My bad. 😅 I did not mean for this to happen. I hope you don't mind this long ass appreciation message. I love leaving this kind of messages to writers like you.😊

Anyways, yeah. I just came here to tell you that. I hope you're having an amazing day and that you're safe wherever you are. Please take care of yourself. I'm looking forward to more of your works and what you can come up with. I am super excited! 😁

Best of luck and God bless.

- ✨

helloooo :”( this one took me a quite a while to answer because i just couldn’t stop gushing whenever i’d open my inbox huhuhu but you have no idea how much this truly means to me and i wish i can write better words at explaining how this made me feel. <3

first of all, your obsession with the bonten executives is COMPLETELY understandable i’m literally on the same boat as you my friend hahaha with sanzu being my main guy <3 they’re just so hot and dangerous but i also think there’s something kinda funny with all those guys being together LMAO (especially sanzu and the haitanis…add in a dead-eyed manjiro omg..)

just like you i am quite sad about the lack of content on them hahahaha it’s the main reason why i started writing about them in the first place, actually! (also because i'm just obsessed with sanzu) but that was more at the beginning when i still mostly relied on ao3, and then i got more active on tumblr and now literally everyday there’s new fics about them and that makes me extremely happy 🥺 i always did think that the bonten executive OC would make for such a nice flavor so i just latched on to the idea, and i also wanted to keep it a little more casual because i’m not the best with dark themes hahaha but it also helps me imagine the bonten execs in friendlier, more human, more everyday settings—a very fun exercise when you can’t stop thinking about them!

i am beyond happy knowing that you’re enjoying my fic to the point of sending me this lengthy message (whose length i don’t mind at all!!!) 😭 painting a picture with words is one of my favorite things ever when it comes to writing and i just…tear up when people enjoy my descriptions and the interactions and the little details huhuhuhu you have no idea. i didn’t even know i was doing a ‘show, don’t tell’ manner of writing until you pointed it out, so i gotta thank you for this cause it made me think more about how i write (in a good way!), so thank you, i super appreciate it.

i also hope you do get to write if ever you wanna! manifest the things you’d like to see in the world—something like that! hahahaha but also yeah, it can be fun and the possibilities are endless and it’s fanfiction so you can always do you <3

again, this really just made my day and i’ve saved it to my notes to read for when i’m feeling meh hahaha. i gotta say in advance tho that my updates might not come as regularly as before cus (1) life and also (2) need ken wakui to reveal more about my favorite bad boy sanzu LOL so we get to know him better.

and here’s to hoping more people write about oc’s that are bonten execs! so you’d get to have your share of this genre of bonten fic! hehehe you deserve it <3

THANK YOU SO MUCH, i hope you’ll have a nice day too 🥺 and take caaaaare. MWAH.

ps. oh yes, you’re right! english is not my first language hahaha.

[oratonom]

“I’ll pour the bottle out, and be myself again”

—————

Farrah wanted to be better. It was a resolution made in a bathroom at a sleepover she didn’t want to be at.

But healing is hard.

It’s only harder when the captain of your team decided to make an attempt to remove the team’s ‘tumors.’

Of course, fate also decided to pull the ragtag, warring group of tigers together. Turn enemies to friends. It turns out no matter how many walls Farrah put up, they weren’t leaving her alone. They wanted to pick up the pieces and Farrah didn’t understand why.

Healing takes time. She doesn’t understand that right now.

———————————-

(Hiiiii tumblr— sorry I’ve been a bit dead— I’ve been dealing with stuff recently and haven’t really been in a good... tumblr/social mood??? I guess I can say??? But now I drag myself from the shadows to give you this before vanishing again—)

[katnissmellarkkk]

AN: Hiiiii, alright I’ve been working on this story since I posted my first chapter and, as it turns out, no surprise, this is gonna be longer than I originally expected. Probably like five-ish chapters? I’m not re-writing every chapter or part of Mockingjay if Peeta wasn’t hijacked, just snippets of the essential plotline and events if Peeta hadn’t been hijacked.... did that make sense? 

Alright, anyways, I wanna also take this time to say I definitely did not expect the amount of love I received on the first part of this and omg I’m so honored and touched. I really wasn't expecting you guys to be so supportive in this fandom. Thank you all so much, for liking, commenting and reblogging. It really made me so happy <3.

Also if you didn’t read part one and you want to, here’s the link. 

I hope everything’s going well for all you reading this! 

Also I need a title for this so any suggestions are more than welcome alright buh-bye.

Shattered Pearl

| Part One |

/

I know I've been shot. I felt it hit me, right underneath my chest. If I didn't vaguely remember standing in the tunnels, appealing to and pleading with the District Two men, trapped inside the Nut, the gunshot of a man standing behind us in the crowd, too cowardly to come closer and confront me to my face, if I didn't retain the image of seeing myself shot on television, I'd swear I'd been hit by one of the Capitol trains that once took me and Peeta district to district.

The thought of the train brought back memories I'd long held close to my heart. I had never spoken of nights shared between me and Peeta on the Victory Tour and prior to the Quarter Quell. Not to anyone. Not even Prim. It felt too personal and too vulnerable a memory to let anyone else claim it. For so long it was all I had to cling to, with him presumed dead and then only seen on Caesar's talkshow, tormented and a shell of the boy with the bread.

I miss him now, as I lay despondently, wherever I am. I feel a jabbing pain right where I predict I was shot, the injury feeling closer to a brutal beating than a penetration.

My mind whirls and flies and wracks itself up and down, backwards and forwards and side to side and somehow I can't remember even a split second where I felt the bullet enter into my body.

I feel my consciousness, my awareness, growing stronger now, slowly crawling in an upwards motion, like I was lying on the bottom of a lake and I'm only now floating to the top.

When my head breaks the surface, there's a bright, ugly, glaring light stinging my eyes and my first thought is one of comparison. Does Peeta experience this too, when he wakes up in his recovery room? Do they actually think that'll help anyone recover here, blasting unsettling yellow colors into their eyes as soon as they crack open? Is it their idea of a luxury, since everything and everyone else is so void of color here in Thirteen, like one of Peeta's drawings that have yet to be painted.

"Disorienting, huh?" I hear a familiar—so familar—voice laugh quietly. "I think Thirteen believes the more the lights hurt your eyes, the less we'll use them and the more energy they'll save in the end."

"Peeta?" I mean to murmur but instead my voice comes out in a whimper.

"Shh," he whispers, his voice all gentleness and sweetness now. The teasing, conversational edge is gone. He runs his fingers through my hair, pushing it back from my sweat covered forehead, hoping the ministration will soothe me.

It takes me longer than it should to place, but it strikes me after a moment that his voice now reminds me of a different foreign place and a different wound and an altogether different time.

The confusion. The comforting, appeasing voice. The soft, tender gesture. It eerily reminds me of waking up in the cave, after having bled out from my head, only to find my body weak and Peeta's shockingly strong and the tables turning and him taking care of me.

My hands act to their own accord and cannot be stilled, no matter how comforting Peeta's fingers feel, sifting through my hair.

I fumble roughly with the bandages covering my left side, where the bullet must have hit, and I force my eyes wide open now, in spite of the still disturbing light overhead.

"What am I still doing here?" I ask before I can really register what I'm saying. At his confused and—now I can see his features better, with my eyes adjusting to the brightness—exhausted face, I clarify. "The bullet didn't kill me?" I look to him for confirmation.

"No," he promises smoothly, understanding my puzzlement now. "No, I promise you, the bullet didn't kill you."

"What happened?" I ask, my voice and body both still far weaker than I'm in any way comfortable with. "I think I blacked out after I was shot."

Peeta forces himself to give me a faint ghost of a smile. "Yeah, I imagine that happens when a bullet hits you in the side." He takes my hand in his and begins to softly kiss it, repeatedly. Finally he replies, "you were shot on live TV and everyone in the country saw you go down. Coin and Plutarch decided immediately to spin this and fake your death. But Cinna made your Mockingjay outfit bulletproof. The bullet never touched you," he assures before adverting his eyes as they grew watery with his words.

"Peeta," I start, my voice raspy as it's ever been.

"I don't think I was that scared in the Capitol," he blurts out as if I didn't speak. "Snow knew, he always knew, that you getting hurt would have been worse torture than anything else he could have ever done to me."

"How do you think I felt when Snow and his guards had you prisoner?" I shoot back before I can stop myself. His torture was harrowing enough without me making it all about myself. He flinches slightly at my words but tries to mask it, for my sake, no doubt. I reach out and squeeze his hand, my body's grip embarrassingly lame and in no way soothing. "I'm so sorry you had to see that."

"No," he automatically refutes. "Don't apologize to me. You have enough people putting their burdens on your shoulders without adding me to that list."

I swallow hard now, my memory starting to piece everything together and I remember suddenly that this is the first time I've seen Peeta since Coin's men had essentially interrogated him into hysteria.

I hadn't told him I was even going to Two. I didn't even tell him how long I'd be gone.

And then I got shot on camera. And—as I should have predicted—the rebels used this opportunity to their advantage.

I can imagine what that felt like for him. I remember on the hovercraft to and for the first few weeks in Thirteen. Refusing to eat. Refusing to speak. Hiding in closets and sleeping only sporadically. Picturing every single time I closed my eyes Peeta being beaten to death, Peeta being abused, Peeta crying out helplessly.

I wait for him to blink back his tears again before final speaking. "Can I apologize for not telling you I was going to Two in the first place?"

Something new crosses his features and in place of the fear, the agony, the pain, comes an almost sarcastic, satirical expression. "Please do, Sweetheart."

I roll my eyes instinctively when he calls me sweetheart. He'd only ever called me that in the past to get on my nerves or irritate me. "You sound like Haymitch," I can't help but point out.

"This isn't sounding like an apology for lying."

"I'm getting there."

"I've been waiting for days."

I raise my eyebrow mockingly. "So that's why you're here by my bedside?"

"Only reason. I'm out as soon as I get my reparation."

"Well in that case," I trail off, shrugging—and inwardly cringing at the movement before bringing his hand to my lips now and planting a kiss there. "I'm not apologizing then."

He laughs and I pretend to be put out, which works until I try to cross my arms in false indignation and involuntarily eject a loud gasp of pain from the way the motion upsets whatever is broken inside of me.

Peeta drops the ruse then too and stand from his chair, sitting on the side of my bed to get closer to me. "Hey, it's okay," he murmurs softly, cupping my cheek and turning my distressed face towards him now. "Breathe," he commands genially, leaning his forehesd against mine. "The pain will go away, Katniss, just breathe."

I let out a large breath but it only makes the pain worse and eventually I just grip the hand cupping my face and squeeze with all my might. The lame grip I felt ashamed of minutes before is now replaced with an adrenaline rush of strength and I nearly break Peeta's hand in my much smaller one.

He doesn't complain and begins to rub my back to calm me down. When the searing, paralyzing discomfort subsides, the first thing I utter is, "so if I never got actually shot, what is going on with my body?"

He strokes my face affectionately. "You have a bruised lung. Bruised ribs. And your spleen was ruptured so they removed that."

"So I'm without a spleen?" I realize, my voice raising involuntarily. For some reason, I'm petrified that a whole organ was taken out of my body and I had no say in it whatsoever.

"You don't need it, Katniss," Peeta quickly reassures.

I deflate then, not sure if I feel any better or not. Peeta's words suddenly come back to me.

"Katniss, these people aren't too different from the ones in the Capitol."

Would I trust Snow or his guards to remove my spleen? No. So should I be okay with Thirteen operating on me?

I shake my head, knowing this is redundant and ridiculous. My spleen was ruptured. They'd saved my life. I was being paranoid for nothing and I couldn't afford falsely accusing the very people I needed to survive. Especially not when they likely are what saved my life.

Peeta sees my face contort and the disheartenment etch itself across my features. Still remaining tender and cautious, he leans his own wounded, beaten face down and places kisses against my cheek.

I try to hold off but his lips bring a smile to mine, and even with all the confusion bubbling around my head, all the disbelief and uncertainty, in regards to my feelings towards him, Gale, Coin, this war and the Revolution itself, I still can't help the feeling of hope spreading across my chest, filling my heart up in a way I never let myself consider it could again.

"Peeta?" I whisper then and he pulls back from planting kisses on my face to look at me.

"Hmm?"

"If my lung is bruised, why did you tell me to breathe deeply to stop the pain?"

He freezes for a second, contemplating and considering before a slightly bashful smile crosses his mouth. "You're the healer here, not me," he finally teases. When I smile back at him, he leans in simply, as if it were the most natural thing in the word, and kisses me full on the mouth.

The kiss catches me off-guard but only after the fact. In the moment it feels right and tingly and reassuring and I'm lightheadedly happy and I don't even know what to make of how I feel on the inside.

"I'm not a healer," I remind with very little passion for the correction in my voice.

He laughs again lightly but then bites his lip and brushed my hair back. "You did say that to me in our first games, right? Real or not real?"

I hesitate for a full ten seconds before I respond, my face scrunching up. His words almost seem like an already formed game that no one had explained the rules of. "Real," I finally answer.

He's already elaborating before I can ask. "Finnick came up with it. He said it works for Annie and I should try it. If I'm ever unsure about anything that happened or what the Capitol tried to make me believe, I should ask." He shrugs then, slightly abashed. "It's repetitive-"

"It's actually a really good idea," I encourage, grabbing his hand in mine again and giving him a reassuring squeeze. And he looks at me then and gives me a grateful smile and his eyes are lighter now than they were when I woke up and I don't know where this is even going between us or if it's even going anywhere and I don't know where Gale stands and I really can't focus on my feelings right now because I'm a symbol of an entire revolution, whether I asked to be or not, and it may be selfish or immature, but I push away all my other conflicting thoughts and pull the boy with the pretty blue eyes down towards me.

He goes willingly, wrapping his body to me, only placing pressure on my right side, and I feel his face burrow in my neck. When his lips press to the sensitive skin there, like he's done dozens of times before, I shiver instinctively and close my eyes against him.

For the first time in forever I feel, for a fleeting moment, safe.

//

Prim and my mom interrupt not too long after that, but for some reason—other than Prim's cheerful smile—they don't comment on the compromising position they found us in.

Peeta promptly moves back to his previous chair and remains there for the duration of the day.

Haymitch joins us not even five minutes after my mom and sister, and he brings boiled cabbage stew from the cafeteria in tow.

"Here you go, Sweetheart," he says with a large smile, looking at the disgusting concoction with excitement now.

I look at the bowl, wishing I had more of an appetite so I could actually feel some desire to eat it. In spite of Haymitch's jokes, the cabbage stew would have been a luxury to me once upon a time, when all I could find to fill my screaming stomach was mint leaves and, if I were lucky, the roots I was named after. "How'd you know I'd be awake?" I inquire, turning the spoon around in the bowl.

"Oh I didn't," my old mentor quickly replies, plopping down in a chair against the wall. "It was for the boy." He gestured towards Peeta, who's running his fingers softly along my spine, inconspicuous enough that not even Prim catches on. "But I figure you deserve it more, since you're the one in the hospital. Speaking of that, why did you two switch places?" He asks, brash and wry.

My mom glares at Haymitch, disapproving of his callous comment, which catches me completely off guard.

My mother usually ignores all chatter between me and Haymitch and Peeta, only chiming in if Haymitch is speaking of something from Twelve that I'd be too young to understand.

I remember then watching Haymitch's tape on the train with Peeta, realizing he and my mom shared a permanent tie labeled Maysilee Donner. I look between them for a hint of familiarity I didn't see before and quickly realize Peeta's doing the exact same thing.

My mom quickly turns back to me, and gingerly but vigoriously, coaxes the stew into my stomach, even when I try to refuse because my ribs ache and using any of my muscles leaves me feeling irritable and shaky and hot inside.

"Just a little bit more, sweet girl," my mom murmurs, forcing me to finish the entire bowl, and it's only when Prim looks at me, the corners of her mouth turning upwards, that I realize my mom had used a long forgotten term of endearment. One that I'd rejected since her bout of deep, delbilitating depression.

I didn't comment on it and I don't think my mother even realized, but I avoid Peeta's eyes because evidently, by the looks of his smirk, even he knew the exchange was rare and hard to come by.

Just as I all but lick the soup bowl clean and my mom's whispering mournfully she has to go back to work and was only allowed to come see me for lunch. I am caught off guard once again though, when she kisses my forehead and whispers, with audible tears, that she loves me so much.

I feel like a monster all of a sudden, for the absolute hell I must have put her through.

I squeeze Prim's hand as tight as I can as she takes our mom's seat and scoots it even closer to my bed. "Hey, little duck," I greet in my most comforting voice. "How're things while I was gone."

Prim, as usual, puts up a-albeit, very weak-pretense in order to make me feel better. "They were okay for the most part." She pauses and bites her lip, contemplating to herself before adding. "It was just hard because we didn't even know you were leaving and then we watched you be shot on live TV."

"I know," I murmur apologetically, because it's all I can do. "I'm so sorry, Prim."

But my sister's shaking her head before I can finish and I swear Peeta and Haymitch roll their eyes at the same moment and if Prim wasn't here, I'd be telling them both off.

"No one's mad at you, Katniss," she promises, like that's my concern. People I love being angry, not people I love going through absolute turmoil. "Just... next time could you let us know?"

I nod automatically, because I want my sister to feel better, even though I'm unsure if I can even fulfill this promise. "Yeah, of course."

Prim just stares at me for a moment. "You're such a bad liar," she finally calls out.

Haymitch noisily laughs from across the room, but Peeta remains completely stoic now, and I want three sets of eyes so I could focus on multiple people at once.

I choose to keep my focus on my little sister. "Prim," I start, my voice still unconvincing. "I just... I never know what's going to happen next, so it's hard to know ahead of time what I'll do. The last thing I want, that I've ever wanted, was to worry you and mom."

"Yeah, but, Katniss," She refutes even and diplomatically. "You not telling us only makes it worse. Finding out from strangers you and Gale disappeared off to District Two on a secret mission with the rebels? Only to watch them fake your death? It was as bad as watching you in the games."

I feel my chest constrict and the breath fly out of my aching lungs as I swallow down the lump formed in my throat. "Prim, I never meant-"

"She knows, Katniss," Peeta chimes in, his hand sifting through my hair once again.

Prim looks at Peeta—with more familiarity than I've ever seen between them before—and then back at me. "He's right. I know you never meant for that to happen but... if you could just let us into the loop a little more, it'd make things a lot more bearable."

I nod, meaning my promise to keep her and our mom more informed now. I squeeze Prim's hand again and ask quietly, "how bad was mom when I was shot?"

Prim's eyes shoot to Peeta almost intractably. But I catch it and I press it before they can pretend it didn't happen.

"What's going on with you two?"

They both look at me in utter shock. Or is that the look of getting caught keeping a secret?

"Nothing," Prim immediately covers. Peeta, on the other hand, doesn't react so quick, and instead chooses to just shut his eyes to avoid looking at me.

There's something more going on that they want to avoid telling me. And instinctively, I don't think it's about my mother. Even without him meeting my glance, I can tell Peeta's embarrassed about something.

"Prim," I say evenly. "You're a worse liar than I am."

"You actually are, kid," Haymitch adds. "Didn't think that was possible."

"What happened when I was shot?" I ask again, my voice closer to a threat than a comfort now.

"Let it go, Katniss. It's not important," Peeta urges, his own voice more worn and irritated than I'd heard it since the last games.

"When has she ever let something go?" Haymitch ponders, unfazed by our whole exchange.

"Katniss," Prim starts but I cut her off. I can tell she was going to placate me, like getting shot turned me into our mother.

"As your older sister, you're not allowed to lie to me."

"C'mon now, Sweetheart. That's not being fair."

"Then you tell me, Haymitch. What happened when I was shot that they don't want me to know?"

Our old mentor sighs deeply but I can tell he's relenting. If I couldn't see the resignation on Haymitch's face, Peeta's whole body tensing up in anticipation would be a dead giveaway.

"The boy had a meltdown when you were shot," Haymitch finally states. He gives Peeta a long, measuring look before continuing. "He basically went ballistic and lost his grip on reality." He moves his eyes to train them on the floor of my hospital room. I know he's trying now to avoid Peeta's furious eyes, full of betrayal.

"What?" I turn and look at the boy beside me, remorse overtaking my entire being. I reach out and touch his face but he won't look at me, even when I try to force him.

"He was frantic for days. Couldn't tell the difference in reality and the lies the Calitol fed him. He was only released probably an hour before you woke up. So I guess you guys have good timing," Haymitch adds, trying too hard to lighten the mood.

"Peeta," I whisper after a beat, pleading with him to just look at me, talk to me, but to no avail.

"Peeta, talk to her," Prim begs on my behalf.

"It wasn't that severe," he finally states, his voice extremely muted now as he speaks in a hushed tone, only to me. "I didn't want to tell you because you don't need anything else on your plate. Especially not about me. And it was barely worth mentioning."

"I think it was worth mentioning," Prim chimes and Haymitch points at her and nods.

"She's got better sense than both of you."

Peeta ignores Haymitch. "Prim," he groans with an air of affinity that still boggled me. "Stop. It was fine."

"You were so upset though. And she should know, since she's the one the Capitol wanted to hurt when they tortured you," she advocates, impressing even me with her reason. "And I think we should all stop lying," my pure-of-heart little sister tacts onto the end.

Haymitch nods affirmatively towards Prim again, and I see something akin to wonder now in his eyes as he looks at her, and it takes no more than common sense to realize he's imagining life with Prim as his victor and how much easier that would have been.

"I just don't think now is the time to be talking about this, Prim," Peeta tersely states.

I can't help but interject now, after having witnessed their exchange this whole time, "I'm sorry, but do you two know each other?"

A look is exchanged between all three of them and I'm so tempted to ask if they'd like me to leave so they can freely converse in private. Finally Prim informs quietly, "me and mom were there with Peeta when he got upset. He actually helped mom because she had somewhere to focus all her own emotions. You know how she is, Katniss. When things get rough, she puts all of herself into her healing."

"Glad of be of service," Peeta mumbles despondently and I can see in his troubled eyes, he's blatantly ashamed of himself.

"Peeta," I murmur softly, taking his hand against his will—he tries to fight me from even picking it up—and bringing it to my lips.

He sighs deeply and offers me a half smile. "My being a lunatic doesn't disturb you?"

"Of course not," I quickly dispute. My mind is still processing all of this though. "So you and my family... bonded after I was shot?"

Peeta outwardly groans, dropping my hand. "Let it go, Katniss."

"I just never considered it a huge connecting technique. You know, I could have gotten shot a long time ago-"

"That's not even funny," Peeta chides and there's nothing humorous in his voice now.

I shut up instantly, feeling the mood of the room drop. Even Haymitch falls silent and adverts his eyes to the floor.

"I'm sorry," I finally whisper and I don't know who I'm apologizing to, Peeta or Prim. I'm know I'm not saying sorry to Haymitch, who is still lolled in his chair across the room. Although maybe I should, since he was undoubtedly as scared as the rest of my family. Not that he'd ever admit that to me.

Peeta shakes his head and his expression softens. Leaning in closer, he gently brushes his lips to my cheek, very lightly and very chaste, considering Prim's proximity.

"Just don't lie to us again," Prim pleads, taking my other hand firmly. "No matter how much you want to protect us."

I nod obligingly, maybe more to relieve my guilt than anything else but I do actually mean my promise. "Okay," I swear.

Peeta pushes back my hair soothingly before running the back of his hand over my cheek. "Okay," he finally repeats, only loud enough for me to hear.

And I know then that he's forgiven me.

///

Within an hour, my mom, Gale, Boggs, Plutarch and my doctor all join the party inside my hospital room.

"Isn't there a limited amount of people allowed in one room?" Haymitch retorts gruffly, unhappy about being squished into the corner and unable to spread out the way he was before.

"Oh there usually is," Plutarch confirms, his tone more joyful than I find appropriate, given my situation. And the state of the rebels now. "But I asked Coin to make an exception for Katniss."

"Can Coin make an exception and give Katniss a bigger room?" Gale mumbles under his breath.

I laugh at his sarcasm and his disgruntled expression. We'd made amends on the way to District Two, not wanting to be in potentially dangerous territories and still on the outs with each other. I expected the issues that made us clash—and whatever feelings that still lied between us—would all come to a head once we returned to Thirteen, but we unexpectedly took longer than anticipated in Two and now I was wounded. And even Gale can't deny he was scared out of his mind when I went down. Even he isn't in the mindset to wrangle with me.

I squeeze Peeta's hand in my own and pretend I don't see Gale's envious eyes staring at our interconnected limbs. I don't feel the same guilt I usually do when it was apparent Gale was upset by me and Peeta, and I wonder, idly, in the back of my mind, if this isn't because of the morphling I'm pumped full of.

My doctor is one of the same people who checked Peeta out after he was rescued and I realize I don't even know his name. It doesn't seem like I'll learn it now either, as he barely speaks. I'm half inclined—though I know it's impossible—to think my own mother is the one who operated on me, from the lack of insight the man provides.

In any case, the doctor doesn't seem concerned in the slightest about me and slips out of the room as soon as Plutarch shifts the conversation in a new direction.

"So, I was wondering," he starts, his face still much too happy to completely sit right with me. "Maybe if you'd be up—once you're out of bed and recovered, of course—to film a propo?"

I just stare at him blankly, wondering how on Earth he expected me to have any desire to film anything right now, while I'm still currently getting pain relievers pumped into my veins.

He misreads my expression and quickly adds, "Of course Peeta would be in it! The Star-Cross Lovers need to be shown reunited. I feel that could help with the cause immensely—"

He keeps talking but I automatically tune out his chirping voice as he prattles on. I can see his vision now. The Mockingjay Lives splayed across the screen, me and Peeta wrapped in an embrace, my voice loud and strong, announcing that we're going to keep fighting to the end.

I'm not the only one looking at Platurch like he's grown a second head. The only person who's not looking at the man with distain or disbelief is Haymitch, who's expression is either mildly entertained or filled with such incredulity that he looks like he's grinning.

Peeta's reaction is much stronger than I expect and it's only after he looks like he's grown nauseous from disgust or is planning on throwing something at Plutarch's joyous face, that I realize Peeta has no real experience with the Gamemaker.

He was in the Capitol the entire time I've really gotten to know Plutarch and the man's antics must seem completely foreign to Peeta.

I squeeze his hand before he can say anything and shake my head in Plutarch's general direction. He isn't harmful and I don't want Peeta to waste the energy he needs to recover.

But he has trouble swallowing down his obvious repulsion and his hands begin to shake and his eyes are far angrier than I would have expected in these circumstances a few months ago.

It's my mom who is murmuring about Peeta needing to check in with his doctors and how she'll walk him down there and she waits expectantly for him to get up and part of me faintly envies him for some reason. And I realize quickly that it's the way she talks to him—it's the way she speaks to all patients of her's, really. It's a firm tone, that's still kind but is very direct. Maybe a little authoritative and unyielding. And I realize at once it's a tone I almost never heard again after my dad's death and I took over caring for the family.

And I miss it. Despite everything. Despite my lack of trust in her and my fear she'll retreat back into her shell one day and leave me and Prim behind all over again. Despite my instincts to never put my faith in my mother again, a big part of me still misses the days when she parented me.

Peeta sighs, seeing through the ruse, and kisses my nose before heading out the door behind my mother.

Plutarch follows too, blatantly unaware of what he set into motion, and saying he was needs to review the film of the other Victors for their propos. I'm still appalled he wanted to parade me out while I'm lying in a hospital bed, but I do feel a bit more at ease knowing it's not just me and Peeta he wants to exploit for the sake of the rebellion.

I wished to myself I could actually go to where the fight was. That I could actually have a shot of getting close enough to really be involved in taking down Snow and his supporters, rather than being filmed as a icon to motivate other people to fight in this war.

I kept this to myself, as my even being in this bed was proof of what happened when I was a more central part of the fighting. And even then, I somehow managed to get shot while they were essentially using me as a talking piece for the other soldiers.

But there was something else on my mind and I turned to focus onto Gale now. Only he, Prim and Haymitch remained in my room and Prim was telling my old mentor about the medical uses of alcohol. I don't know what she planned on accomplishing with that, but it worked as a diversion for me at the moment.

"Okay, so what happened?" I press Gale in a hushed voice when I know Prim isn't listening. He gives me a quizzical look and I quickly clarify. "With Peeta and my mom and Prim?"

Comprehension fills his eyes and he sighs before continuing. "I wasn't there for the beginning. Obviously. I was with you in District Two. But I know that he was watching TV when you were shot, and he completely lost it. Apparently it triggered some kind of flashback to something they used to do to him in the Capitol. He was still yelling when we arrived back. I heard it when I passed his room while you were in surgery. Whatever Snow did to him-"

He's promptly cut off by a new but familiar voice joining the room now. "Ah, yes," Johanna Mason shoves back the curtain separating my cubicle from the one next door. Her's, I guess. "Fond memories you mention, Handsome." She winks at Gale. "One of Snow's favorite methods of torture. The old 'make Peeta watch a thousand fabricated video simulations of Katniss being brutally murdered, on repeat. Don't let him sleep. Beat him. Water him down and beat him some more. Make him watch the Katniss Dying Simmulations again', until he can't even tell you what's real and what's not."

I just stare at her, my heart sinking in my chest rapidly. "What?" Is all I can manage to say, my mouth drying up fast.

"I mean, there were worse forms of torture Snow and his men liked to use on me and your fiancé, but I was told you needed to be kept in the dark about those," she state cheekily, obviously trying to goad me.

"Who told you to keep me in the dark?" I snap, my eyes shooting between Prim, who's now looking right at me, and Gale.

Johanna, much to my surprise, points to Haymitch. The older man is still laid out in a chair in the corner of the room, having made himself comfortable again, but at least now has the decency to look sheepish.

"Listen, Sweetheart," he immediately defends. "You and the boy have your own separate issues, alright? You both don't need to take on the other's all the dang time."

"Haymitch-" I start to growl but am caught off guard by a completely unexpected noise. Johanna's hysterical, dark, morbid laughter.

"I can't believe you were rescued and I was tortured, and I'm expected to protect you from the truth."

I don't blame her. No one could honestly. She was tortured because of me and the rebels. She could say and do whatever she wanted at this point, and no one had the right to tell her differently.

"Johanna," I start but let her cut me off once again, becoming accustomed to the feeling.

"And don't worry about Peeta," she says but the resentful shake of her head doesn't fill me with hope. "Your mom made him her project once they informed her your suit was bulletproof. Her and your sister basically walked him off the ledge."

And because I know she's the only person who will be completely uncensored—something I can't even say about Haymitch these days—I blurt out my next question. "What was Peeta saying? When he lost it?"

Her response is immediate and I get the impression she enjoys telling me, for some sick reason.

"Give me back to the Capitol. They'll find a way to revive her if you give me back. I want to go back. I'll trade my life for her's. Please, let me go back."

As soon as the words sunk into my brain, I wanted to puke.

So I did.

////

Johanna wasn't happy about my vomiting a literal foot away from her and she was downright livid when no one else appeared to be irritated with me but she reached a breaking point when both Peeta—who returned upon hearing my loud gagging—and Gale comforted me.

It was an odd sensation to be in not just conversation with both Peeta and Gale but to have them both be so sweet to me, at the same exact time. Without even so much as looking crossly towards the other one.

Gale held my hand and told me to calm down in a gentle voice he only ordinarily used for one of our sisters or his mom. Peeta was sitting opposite him, on the edge of my bed and telling me softly to just relax as he stroked my hair tenderly. Even Haymitch had gotten out of his seat to call an attendant to clean up my vomit and Prim and my mom were standing at the end of my bed, looking worriedly onto the scene.

Johanna's voice was biting as she took us all in. "How much hand holding does she need? Considering she was apparently strong enough to be the face of our entire cause."

"I shouldn't be," I instantly agree with her. "You should be. No one has to push you or tell you what to say."

"No one likes me, brainless," she says snidely, a leering smile spreading across her face.

"That's because everyone's afraid of you," Prim chimes in timidly, and I drop Gale's hand to reach for my little sister's, almost on instinct upon hearing her scared voice.

But Johanna has the decency to not swipe at Prim and instead gives her a sympathetic look. As if to say you don't have to be scared of me.

Her compassion evidently only extends to the thirteen-year-old, as when Finnick and Annie join the room right on the heels of Prim's words, Johanna barks out a cruel laugh. "Really? More people? Are we having a party to celebrate Katniss?" She gives everyone a mocking look around the room. "Well, I wish someone would have told me. I forgot to bring my streamers."

For some reason her tone suddenly forces back a memory of the last night in the arena. Her cutting my arm open and my red, hot, sticky blood gushing everywhere. My understanding at the time being that this was an attempt to kill me. I know now that this was the rebels' plan and she was really cutting out my tracker but the sense memory can't be so easily rationalized away.

I flinch outwardly and both Gale and Prim's faces silently ask if I'm alright. But I'm quickly distracted elsewhere.

I'm, once again, wholly surprised by Peeta's reaction.

"Don't you have anything else to do, Johanna, besides bug Katniss?" There's a strong irritability in his voice, one I'd only heard from an outsider prospective in the past. On the off occasion I'd witnessed he and his brothers in any sort of conversation. Their relationship was tense at times but they were still siblings and extremely close in age. That made for a lot of squabbling and a lot of fighting and a lot of sparring with each other. And a lot of aggravating each other, causing Peeta to behave in a way I'd never seen him otherwise.

"I don't know?" She shoots back, not even missing a beat. "Didn't I have better things to do than cuddle you after Snow's guards were done for the day? And yet, who's shoulder did you cry on? Who held your hand through our adjoining cells?" She smirks and it's obvious she's speaking for the rest of us to hear.

Annie makes an animalistic squeak and covers her ears. Finnick quickly wraps an arm around her and shoots a glare at Johanna.

"What?" She snaps. "Annie was there in the Capitol, Finnick. She know what went down."

"Doesn't mean you have to remind her of it," I state, my voice grave as I watch the mad girl Finnick loves more than life itself retreat into her own psyche.

And for some odd reason, I relate. To both Finnick, who's doing everything he can now to bring her back from the dark depths of her own mind, and Annie herself, who is buried beneath the ruins of a trauma she'll never be able to escape and is visibly struggling to dig her way back out.

I look to Peeta then, almost imperceptibly, and he just gives me a knowing, almost satirical glance. He was undoubtably thinking the same thing.

Johanna is ready to spit in my face, and she probably would, no doubt, if it were just the two of us. "You have no idea what went down after we were captured," she seethes, growing closer to me, and Peeta places an arm in front of her, blocking me from her reach, but I note the gesture isn't rough or hostile.

Gale and my mom both look like they're going to intervene. Finnick is busy with Annie now. Prim looks shell shocked and Haymitch seems to have lost interest in watching us.

For some reason, maybe it's the morphling, maybe I just feel safe surrounded by so many people who would stop her if she lunged for my throat, but I decide to reply. "Is that why you hate me so much?"

Her violent demeanor dissipates but she still has a spiteful glint in her gaze. "That's part of it. And partially because everyone is so obsessed with you. I've never seen anything about you that's so good or special."

"I agree with you about that," I say quietly, knowing it'll do nothing to mend fences with her.

Haymitch, who out of everyone I thought would agree as well, is the one who speaks up. "There's plenty good in that girl," he retorts sharply, his grey eyes hard as he stares at Johanna.

That caught me—and Peeta, by the look on his face—more off guard than anything Johanna had said thus far.

But it's Johanna's words, which aren't even directed at me, that send a chill to my spine. "Careful, Haymitch. Remember, I'm the one who's always there for the victor you constantly forget about. Or was that you who held his hand while the doctors and Mrs. Everdeen had him strapped down for two days?"

Gale is the one who responds, much to my surprise. "Okay, stop. I know you've been through—"

"Handsome," she cuts off, her voice clipped and snarky but she still bats her lashes in his direction. "You don't know anything."

"Johanna, please," Peeta murmurs now, his tone softer and a lot more understanding. "Please go back to your cubicle. I'll tell the doctors you're complaining of massive pain and need more morphling."

She stares at Peeta, her eyes softening the same way they did for Prim only minutes before. Finally she says, "it's the least you can do. Considering you wouldn't share your fiancé's with me."

And, as soon as she appeared, she had evaporated behind the curtain.

And I feel like somehow, I'm the only person who is left reeling in her absence.

/////

My mom was called back to work once again—and this time, she was made to stay there, my condition apparently too stabilized for them to be letting one of their better healers cut back on her hours—and she took Prim with her. I don't know if it was because Prim would be of use or if she just thought I needed alone time without worrying about my sister overhearing too much.

It occurs to me how much my mom is trying now to wordlessly look out for my needs. I decide to make a point in finding a way to say thank you to her. Even if our relationship will never be what it could have been, had there never been corruption or games or mine explosions. Had there been proper help to those suffering and in need.

Finnick chats with me and Peeta for a moment—and entirely ignores Gale but I suspect that's less about being intentionally rude and more about never knowing what to do with my best friend slash fake cousin—before escorting Annie away. She still looks shaken up and I wonder what happened to her in the Capitol. Or if she was already this unstable. I scarcely remember anything about her or her games, prior to what Peeta reminded me of in the Quell.

"You look tired," Peeta notes, brushing my hair back from my forehead. I smile lightly, about to kiss the palm of his hand before noticing Gale's eyes. They are quite apparently envious of Peeta's affection towards me and my acceptance of it, of how naturally Peeta can touch me, of the innate intimacy between the two of us that I never shared with him. But he tries his best to mask it and for that, I feel even worse.

I look to Haymitch without realizing it and somehow the older man understands without me even consciously thinking of asking.

"Boy," Haymitch grunts, putting on a good show as he stands up. "Let's go get some real food from the cafeteria. I hear if we say we'll participate in Plutarch's Propos, we can get better grub than the rest of Thirteen."

Peeta nods, his eyes gently running over my face, as if memorizing it in his mind. "Will you be okay-"

"Okay, Johanna was right," Haymitch barks now, grabbing Peeta by the back of the shirt, his grip much too docile to pass as normal though. "She'll be fine. Let's all stop hovering. She'll be up and tormenting us in a day."

I roll my eyes at his antics but smile meagerly at him as he guides Peeta out the door.

"Well," Gale breathes out as they leave. "That was subtle."

I laugh loud enough that I hear Johanna hiss from the cubicle next door. "I wanted to talk to you privately."

Gale chuckles. "Gathered that."

I know I have a limited time before Peeta returns and honestly I'm not too mad about that fact either, as I somehow, chessily, long for him now whenever he's gone. I inwardly cringe at myself before shaking it off to hurry this conversation along. "I wanted to apologize for me and Peeta. For how we can act. For..." I trail off, realizing too late I didn't pre-plan my words.

Peeta was right when he'd spat at Haymitch on the Victory Tour, "we all know I'm better on camera than Katniss. No one has to coach me on what to say."

I wished for his ease and talent with words now as I fumble around, trying to convey my message to the person who's been my best friend for years now.

He understands though—thankfully—and needs no more explanation. His tone has become solemn when he speaks. "You're really not faking it anymore, are you? Being in love with him?" His eyes are full of pain and he quickly downcasts them. "You fell in love with him in the Quarter Quell," he says as a fact, not a question.

"I don't know, Gale!" I exclaim, quick to defend myself here, like I'm being accused of something horrific. In truth, I feel like I am. I feel like I am, when I see how much it hurts him when me and Peeta are together. "I don't know how I feel. I just know I feel a lot for both of you."

"That's not good enough, Catnip," Gale whispers, shaking his head. But he uses my old nickname and that gives me hope. Hope that he won't hate me for not being able to give him what he wishes. Hope that I won't lose him entirely by the end of this war. "You really do need him."

I open my mouth to say something, anything, to try and rectify this. But I can't because it's true. Those are my words he's repeating back to me and they completely true. I do need Peeta. Maybe in a way I'll never need Gale. I don't know. I can't know. Not with all that rests on my shoulders already.

"What if I made you choose?" Gale presses now, leaning in closer. "What if I begged and pled and promised I'd find a way to make you happy? Would you pick me then?"

My mouth still hangs open, unsure what to say that get me out of this. I look towards the door, wishing Haymitch would reappear, that Peeta would burst through with his loud footfalls, that Johanna would pop back in and rub some salt in everyone's wounds.

All that would be preferable to this right now and I wonder why I ever wanted Haymitch to take Peeta away.

Gale shakes his head now though, having recieved his answer. "I thought so."

"Gale-" I start, not knowing where I was planning on taking the exchange but before I can even make a redundant attempt to mend whatever broke between me and him a long time ago, he's leaning in and his lips are pressing to mine and after half a second of shock, I'm giving in.

After everything I'd denied him, after all that he'd done for me and for my family, after how much he'd been there for me while Peeta was in the Capitol, I let myself give in and kiss him back.

His lips are different from Peeta's and I can't figure out how I feel about them. He's always been more grown, appearance wise, than Peeta and me, who both still could pass for years younger in the right clothing. But even his kissing is reeks of more experience, more practice, and somehow I find myself learning as his mouth shift under mine, as both his lips suck on my bottom lip expertly.

But it's lacking something and it's only then I realize, what I'm searching for inside Gale's mouth, is the spark that only Peeta's ever ignited in me. I keep waiting in vain for the warmth that started in my stomach and then rose up and exploded in my chest, for the craving that no matter what I couldn't manage to satisfy, for the thrilling, almost hysterical, tingly feeling, to overcome me and leave me lightheaded in a completely foreign way. A way that couldn't be attributed to lack of oxygen.

But it never does. I pull back and wipe my mouth carelessly on my arm and sigh, already sensing Gale's demeanor taking a nose dive at my lackluster reaction.

I'm not disappointed when I look to see his expression. His eyes are frustrated, his mouth is downturned, his eyebrows are pinched together. And I feel as bad as I knew I would. Because no matter what, I'm hurting someone I deeply care for.

But how I feel upon seeing Gale's face isn't even comparable to the amount of remorse that fills me, that overtakes my entire being, when I see Peeta standing in the doorway, having watched our entire exchange.

[frenchlangdon]

You are everything I wanted

(This is part 4 to everything i wanted)

A/n: hiiiii sorry it’s been a long time since I last posted I went back to work a few weeks ago and had to pull doubles back to back. I hope you won’t hate me for this... I hope y’all enjoy!

Find part 3 here

————-

You had a few meetups with Michael since he first came back. You would talk for hours, getting to know one another. You had told him what it was like in the eighties, how you died, how you and Xavier had met. And he told you about his mother, how she was a ghost and also his ”father” who had rejected him. He told you about his Ms. Mead, he loved and adored her so much. Everytime he would tear up you’d hug him tightly. You couldn’t bear to see him so hurt. Each and every time he came to see you he grew more and more attached to you. You were his new obsession.

He was keen on getting you out of this camp and you wanted to leave with him but you just couldn’t. You couldn’t leave Xavier. You loved him, you couldn’t just leave him here. The thought crossed your mind about convincing Michael to bring Xavier sling but you didn’t know if he would or not, you were too scared to bring it up. This whole idea of escaping this treacherous place was absolute nonsense to you, because deep down you knew it would never work. But there was a part of you who loved to fantasize about it.

“Michael…”

You both sat on the ground in the woods, your usual spot. You kept this a secret, never telling Xavier. You felt like he would explode, or perhaps never forgive you for it. Of course he would be upset, you’re meeting another guy behind his back.

“Yes?” He smiled at you and caressed your cheek, his eyes fixated on you.

“I really want to go with you…”

He grinned widely at your words, he rested his forehead against yours, feeling almost relieved. “You won’t regret this, my love. I swear to you.” He pulled away slightly, “Come rule the world with me. I’ll worship the ground you walk on.” His voice was so seductive, he could’ve persuaded you to do anything his heart desired. In the short time he knew you, he fell hard for you. His eyes lit up as soon as they landed on you.

“But I can’t. I can’t leave Xavier.”

There it was. His heart had dropped into his stomach and shattered into pieces. He should have known you wouldn’t do it. He should have known he wasn’t enough. He thought maybe this time things would work out for him. Maybe he could have had one thing that made him happy actually last.

“What’s going on in your mind, Michael?” You watched him pull away. His eyes were glossy, his hands began to shake. “Michael, I’m sorry. I just can’t leave Xa-.”

“I’m not enough. I’m never enough.” He stared up at you as a tear ran down his face. Your heart broke at the sight of him. “Why can’t I be enough for you?”

You hadn’t seen him like this in your weeks of hanging out and getting to know one another

“Stop saying that.” You let out a sigh as you cupped his cheek, your thumb wiping away a tear slowly cascading down his face. He closed his eyes as he reveled in the feeling of your soft touch. His hand kept yours in place. “Please come with me. You don’t need him. Not anymore, I’m here.” He begged you. The soft whisper of his voice hurt you. You did want to go, you wanted nothing more than to walk off campgrounds. But how could you do it? Easier said than done, so you thought. “Michael, I love him. I won’t leave him.”

“Do you love me?”

“What the fuck is going on?” You hear a voice from behind you. You get up from the ground and turn around to face Xavier. His eyes narrowed at Michael, who slowly got up and kept his eyes on Xavier. “Have you been cheating on me… with him?” Xavier’s voice faltered at just the thought of it. “She’s leaving you.” Michael stated. “To be with me.” Michael smirked as he looked down at you. You were closer to Michael than you were to Xavier. You just stared at Michael, you were confused on how he was this sad puppy dog just a minute ago with you and now here he is an alpha in front of Xavier. “Are you brain dead?” Xavier scoffed, “Y/n what the hell is going on?”

“He’s offered to take me away. To be with him, he says he can get me out of here.”

“Babe, that’s impossible. You know that. We can’t leave.”

“I can do it. I can prove it to you.” Michael kept his eyes trained on you.

“I’m here to do for you what your boyfriend couldn’t.” He looked to Xavier who was staring the two of you down. Michael was hitting his weak spot and he knew it. “I can give you a long, happy, and prosperous life. If you take my hand we can walk out, we can do it… together.”

Your eyes watch Xavier who looks betrayed. “I just got you back.” Xavier muttered, tears started to well up in his eyes and started to fall. One tear after another. “We just got back together after years of anger and resentment. You’ve finally forgiven me and now you want to run off with this creepy kid. No! You can’t even leave. You tried for decades to find some way out, and it never worked.”

Michael let out a deep growl. He grabbed your hand and dragged you through the woods. “I’m sick of your doubts. When I say I can do something, that means I can!” He exclaimed. Xavier ran after you. You tried pulling away from Michael as you got closer to the camp entrance. “Stop! Michael stop!” You yelled as you hit his arm repeatedly yet he ignored your pleas.

‘The moment of truth’ you had thought, you were just a few steps away from the entrance. “Michael, please. It won’t work.” You cried out. But he passed through the entrance with ease, his hand in yours.

There you stood, on the other side. Looking at the ground, then looking up at Michael in shock, you let go of Michael‘s hand. “I told you.” Michael smirked as he crossed his arms. You couldn’t believe it. You were out, you were no longer trapped inside the camp. You turned to see Xavier, staring blankly at you. Your eyes snap back to Michael‘s who was grinning widely. “How did you-” You cut yourself off as your mind tried understanding what just happened.

“I’m powerful, darling. But you already knew that.” Michael smirked and leaned closer to you. “I can’t leave Michael.” You frowned upon at him. You look over your shoulder to Xavier who looks just as shocked as you do.

“You still choose him over me?!” He yelled.

“Michael I-”

“I just gave you your life back because I love you. Because I want to be with you. I want to give you the world. And yet you choose a dead man over me. You are everything I ever wanted.” His voice softened as he tried repressing the jealousy bubbling inside of him. “If I go, he goes. I won’t leave with you if he can’t leave this god forsaken camp.”

“What if I don’t want to leave Y/n? What if I want to stay here? To be young forever?” Xavier put his hands on his hips as he stared at you. “You are the most stubborn man I’ve ever met. Oh my god!” You exclaimed. Panic began to rise in your chest, everything was very much real and it was all unfolding very fast. Too fast for your liking.

“Can you give me one second Michael.”

He nodded and you walked over to Xavier, “Please come with me. I want to be with you. Outside of this hell that we’ve been trapped in. Let’s live the life we were supposed to live.” You grabbed both of his hands and held them tightly. “We can’t live like nothing ever happened and it’s not like it would just be me and you. I’m not sharing you, especially not with him. You’re mine and only mine.” he paused for a moment before lowering his voice, “There’s something wrong with him. He’s like the devil or some shit. Don’t go with him. Don’t do it. Stay here with me. We just mended things. Let’s keep to ourselves and be happy together.” He smiled softly at you, he could see you were contemplating on whether you should stay. Did you really want to go? Things have changed, the world has changed. Things work differently now. You thought to yourself about having to adapt to everything. Would you even fit in with the young people of today? Maybe this isn’t what you wanted. Now that you have a chance to finally escape this hell hole you don’t want to leave.

But before you could get a word out, you watched in terror as the man you loved got engulfed by flames. He disintegrated into nothing within an instant. You felt the heat against your skin, the horror ran through your veins. You screamed in agony as you fell to your knees. “Well a deal is a deal, my love.” He said behind you. Tears streamed down your face as your eyes focused on the pile of ash in front of you. He couldn’t truly be gone. He would come back, because that’s what happens when you die here. You come back. You always come back. “Xavier!” You screamed. You got back up and scanned the surrounding area for him, waiting for him to appear. But he didn’t. Michael came up behind you and brushed your hair out of the way, causing your body to stiffen. “He’s gone, my love.”

He kissed your neck as you stood there frozen, your whole world had come crashing down. “He can’t be…”

“You said if you go, he goes. Well, he’s gone.”

“No! No…” You cried out. He wasn’t coming back this time. “Now let’s go my beloved.” He kissed your forehead.

You had indeed made a deal with the devil.

—-

Tags: @xscarlett-rosex | @hoeposey

[ramthews-moved]

HIII CAPPU i love ur new tumblr theme omg i am looking at it now as i send this ask lol ANYWAYZZZ HIIIII * TWIRLS HAIR * Can you tell me more abt Dice? I think he's pretty i have a little crush on him even tho he's got a mullet 😣

OMGMKDNSKSNSDJNKNSDKNKSD SAMMMMM I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHH THANK YOU SOSOSOOSSO MUCH THIS IS LITERALLY SO SWEET IT’S FUELED SOLELY BY THE BRAIN ROT <333 AND ALWAYS. DUDE YOU’VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD I’M LITERALLY IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN I HAVE THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON DICE EVEN THOUGH HE’S GOT A MULLET. THANK YOU SOSOOSOSOS MUCH OMGKDMDMSKLKMDLMDKLMKLSD

giggles shyly.... my BOYFRIEND let’s GO I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT HIM

-he’s a cat boy <3 he has fangs <3 

-he’s literally. so So so so sweet he acts dumb (and he is a lil bit but it’s okay) but he’s so sweet. he cares so much and he picks up on little things when it comes to the ppl he cares about so fast he’s really observant in that regard he cares so much and would literally READILY kill a man for his friends he is filled with so much love like he has no problem just checking in on them but he’s never super pushy about it?? he’ll intervene if he thinks they’re going over the deep end but he knows when to give people space and when somethings bothering them he tries his best to take their mind off of it, he even makes himself seem a little dumber than he actually is just to like!! keep their mind busy, if they need someone to talk to he’s there but he never forces them too, he’s so patient and so. so so so sweet. and so thoughtful. i want to kiss him.

without showing off Too much ramuda for example is scared shitless of ghosts and dice and gentaro (his boyfriends gang) were teasing him about it and taking him to a place where ghost sightings were very common and even thogh dice was teasing him about it too he started to backtrakc as soon as he realized it had gone too far like they were in the cab and ramuda was still a mess bc he is a wuss and dice did this 

and was just in general kinda trying to calm him down about all of it :’)...

also ramuda pouting just bc its cute

but he’s seriously so ride or die for gentaro and ramuda someone made fun of gentaro’s clothes and dice was like literally 2 seconds away from murdering this guy he’s so protective and  so fuckiggngn sweet... you dont understand  this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg there have been countless times where he’d stop everything to make sure they were okay and even if he himself was in a dangerous situation? his first reaction is to get the other two out of there i’m so sorry for talking about all three of them but they’re a package deal back to dice

-he’s transmasc nonbinary this isn’t canon but yes it is 

-you wouldn’t think he is but he’s actually. the youngest one here he’s 20

-this is all off of memory by the way so i’m sorry if this is all over the place but i can’t stress this enough dice is an angel walking this earth i am helplessly in love with him

-he’s a gambler but he’s almost always like dead broke because of it <3 because he’s a litle dumb <3 

-I THINK I’VE TOLD YOU ABOUT FLING POSSE BEFORE BUT that’s the name of the rap group he’s in!! ramuda and gentaro are the other members :]

-he’s left-handed :D

-if you give him food he’ll literalyl be attached at the hip and keep coming back. cat boy he is. he’s so cute. i love him so fucking much

-his moms a milf but this aint about her

this is so wordy and all over the place but when i think about dice my brai nliterally just short circuits into a heart emoji i’m SO In love with this man and i really think you’re gonna like him if you ever get into this sam he’s SO PERFECT THNK YOU SOSOSOSOOOS MUCH FO RASKING ME ABOUT HIM I’M LITERALLY SO IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN AND I COULD TALK ABOUT HIM FOR HOURS I CRY ABOUT HIM NEARLY EVERYDAY I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH AND I LOVE YOU SO FCKING MUCH I MAKE NO PROMISES I WON’T RB THIS LATER AND ADD ON THANK YOU. SOSOSOSOSO MUCH. THANK YOU. 

[shooting-the-walls]

I watched His Last Vow, and, well..... here are my thoughts again

Quick thing before we start: I choose HLV because it is one of my favourite episodes, and what I feel is one of the best shot episodes. Usually, I can't make it to the end of it because I know what is going to happen and I can't stomach it. Anyway, enjoy my little angst-filled monologue!!!

• Uggggghhhhhh Magnussen is so creepy even to start with

• Quick question: why the fuck does he have "porn preference" in his little file?? Creepy, dude. Real creepy

• I hate Magnussen with a passion but ngl his house is pretty bomb

• Why has a got a statue of a knight on an ostrich, and why does the camera focus on it? Kinda random XD

• Clever how they never show him going down the stairs the storeroom. IMPORTANT LATER ON

• Lady Magnussen when she sees Magnussen: *quietly* what the fuck

• "She looked delicious" "yum-yum": EEUURRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

• "I have a condition": is that condition.... being a creepy weirdo???

• HEY SHE MAY BE AN OLD LADY BUT SHE'S A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN SO SHUT THE FUCK UP MAGNUSSEN

• "This isn't blackmail it is.... ownership": uhhhhhh, pretty sure it's blackmail mate

• I'M SORRY BUT WE DON'T JUST LICK PEOPLE'S FACES, WHO WERE YOU RAISED BY DUDE

• The driver knowing something's up: we stan a king

• BAKER STREET YEAAAAAH BITCHES

• The intro mussssiiiiiccccc: it will now be stuck in my head for days XD

• When you miss your bestie: :(

• John being clueless XD

• *doesn't know what to do* *makes tea*

• "He the drugs one?" "Nicely put John"

• "Who's Sherlock Holmes" "See, that does happen"

• I think John feels bad for snapping at her XD

• "THERE IS NOTHING THE MATTER WITH ME. Imagine I said that without shouting": me 24/7

• Dude we know you tryna look sexy but the tyre lever XD

• "It is a tiny bit sexy" "I know": *is forcefully reminded of Boyle screaming "later sluts"*

• "I'm not just browsing": MATE IT'S NOT BLOODY ARGOS LOL

• Why is John so fucking cocky? Like we get you're an adrenaline junkie but Jesus XD

• JOHN BAMF WATSON IS HERE GUYS

• "Nope, just used to a better class of criminal": truth

• "Arse end of the universe with the scum of the earth": Jooooohn be nice

• Sherlock just so casual like " Oh HIIIII"

• "They're havin' a fight": Oh, like..... a married couple....?

• "WEll NoT nOW": we stan a queen XD

• "Alright Shezza?": *John and Mary Watson, Mycroft, Mrs Hudson, Molly and NSY have joined the chat*

• MOLLY YAAAAAAAS QUEEN PUT HIM IN HIS FACE

• "Just. Stop it."

• They are so concerned and Sherlock can't see it and I CAN'T

• "Just some guy" Sherlock: JOHN YOU DIDN'T *is suddenly more in love than ever*

• Sherlock: *hears what he sounds like* *ROLLS EYES*

• Billy knows what's going ON

• "Hang on, weren't there other people?"

• "I've got Mrs Hudson on semi-permanent mute"

• "Why do you do that": IT'S BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU

• "Cross-dressing may have been a wiser path for you": Mycroft your uncle was a bloody QUEEN

• "foR GOD'S SAKE"

John: oh deary me

• The mardy lil "I'm just gonna sit in this chair"

• MYCROFT STOP TATTLING ON YOUR BROTHER

• Also the Holmes parents line dance: I feel like this fact is super underrated XD

• "Just look frightened and. Scuttle": I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

• "I think we'd both find that embarrassing": THE FACT THIS WAS AN IMPROVISATION MARTIN IS SUCH A FAB ACTOR

• "Okay, I'll let you know if I notice"

• "Don't appall me when I'm high": genuinely one of my favourite lines of the entire series

• "God no. Trying to recruit you": Sherlock knows his John so weeeeelllll

• "Stay out of my bedroom" John: *immediately goes for the bedroom*

• JANINE HEYYYYYYYYY

• "Sherl.....": John is having a fucking field day with the nicknames

• John's confused little face XD XD

• "You have a girlfriend" "Yes I have" *JOHN WATSON CANNOT COMPUTE*

• Damn they're starting with the aquarium shit early

• "You got that from a book" "Everyone got that from a book"

• I'm sorry but Sherlock Holmes acting straight it the weirdest thing EVER

• "Maybe I will....": OH GOD. If she knows "what he's really like" (ie gay), then she also knows how much he loves John (she was at the wedding), so she's basically saying "I'll tell him you're in love with him"

• John: OH YES. THIS. THIS IS SOME NICE CEILING. MMM. GOOD CEILING

• John is so hung up on dinner XD

• "With wine.... and sitting....": I love the idea that when Sherlock eats, he just walks around like munching on shit. Like John used to get out of the shower and when he opened the bathroom door Sherlock would be standing there rocking on his heels eating a scotch egg XD

• "It's in the fridge, it kept ringing": me as an adult

• John just being so armed

• OH GOD SHERLOCK YOU'RE SO DAMAGED LIKE SO MANY PRESSURE POINTS

• BITCH DON'T BRING UP REDBEARD

• Oi listen Magnussen you little bitch

• NO PLEASE DON'T

• Shut UP Magnussen: as a Brit I cannot condone what the fuck he's saying. I AM A PROUD BRIT

• WHYYY

• WHYYYYYYY ARE YOU PEEING IN THE FUCKING FIREPLACE: this is why Moriarty was better, the sweetie had manners

• "How do you know his schedule?" "Because I do"

• The fact that Sherlock's checked with Mary if John is available XD

• CAM news: OMG THE CAM LETTER FROM S3E2, it makes sense nowwww

• Sherlock is so good at pick-pocketing

• "...your head kicked in." "Do we really need so much colour?" "It passes the time"

• I'M SORRY HIS CUTE LIL FACE WITH THE RING BOOOXXXXX

• I am fully convinced Sherlock was pretending Janine was John when he made the proposal

• SHERLOCK YOU CAN'T GET ENGAGED TO BREAK INTO A FUCKING OFFICE

• SHERLLL BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU IS NOT HUMAN ERROR, PLS GET SOME SELF ESTEEM

• "Bit rude, I just proposed to her"

• Sherlock immediately knows something's going on

• "...white supremacist so who cares?": SHERLOCK YAAAAS

• "During our own burglary" aka "really u idiot"

• The fact he immediately dismisses Mary: HE'S SO SWEET HE DOESN'T WANT TO RUIN JOHN'S HAPPINESS

• OH MY GOD THE REVEAAAAAAAAAL

• That moment when he realised. He just realises. The deductions he ignored: they could have helped her

• NO MARY YOU SHOT HIM WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

• I'M SORRY BUT SAYING YOU'RE SORRY DOESN'T RIGHT THIS

• The sirens: again, as I said, the way this episode is made is incredible

• People often remark on who turns up in his mind palace: I totally agree with the idea that the others are his heart, "and you should never let it rule your head"

• SHERLOCK CALLING HIMSELF STUPID IN HIS MIND PALACE OH SWEETIE NO

• The fact Anderson is there tho

• THE FACT THAT EVEN THE FLOWERS TILT JESUS THE DETAIL

• "Don't go into shock, obviously": woooooooow, thanks Mycroft

• Oh Redbeard, the sweet little dog: "They're putting me down too now"

• Oh come on, he was totally looking for John's room when he ran into Mary

• NO NOT THE PADDED ROOM

• You don't understand: I actually can't watch this scene. It freaks me out so much. It's so sad, and the acting is SO GOOD.

• "Pain. Heartbreak. Loss. Death.": I'm sorry, but isn't that everything Sherlock's been through with John almost?

• Magnussen: dude I ain't telling you who shot him

• "It's raining. It's pouring. Sherlock, is boring. I'm laughing. I'm crying. Sherlock, is dying": JESUS THIS SONG

• "Mrs Hudson will cry. And mummy and daddy will cry. And the woman will cry. And John will cry buckets and buckets. It's him I worry about the most. That wife..... John Watson is definitely in danger": THE FACT THAT THAT MAKES HIM COME BACK; I'm sorry but how can you deny Johnlock after that?? He literally COMES BACK FROM THE DEAD for John Watson. Also, note how he misses off Greg and Molly and Mycroft. He thinks they don't care but they do. They care so much, Sherlock.

• "Oh you're not getting better are you?"

• MARY STOP ACTING ALL FUCKING INNOCENT YOU FUCKING SHOT HIM

• "I'm buying a cottage": I mean why not

• The fact that they're fine with each other after insulting each other XD

• I maintain that Janine is Moriarty's secret sister

• "I have an interview with The One Show and I haven't made it up yet"

• "I know what kind of man you are. We could have been friends": AGAIN she totally knows he's gay

• The fact he's self-punishing by turning the morphine down MY BABY

• The fact Greg just wants a video XD: I still want a Special Features on one of the DVDs of "videos from Greg Lestrade's phone"

• Of COURSE Sherlock's broken out, what else were you expecting John?

• Mycroft's little hand gestures like "off you go peasant": we know you love Greg really Myc

• "...stalked him one night" "foLLOWED"

• YOU, JOHN. HE'S PROTECTING YOU YOU DIPSHIT

• The fact Sherlock went back to Baker Street, BLEEDING INTERNALLY, to put John's chair back <3<3<3

• "A façade. Remind you of anyone?"

• Of course you can't Sherlock XD

• The fact he won the house in a card game with a cannibal XD

• I love this scene. Everything just suddenly makes sense. Everything she's said suddenly has a different meaning

• "You were very slow": BECAUSE HE WAS IGNORING THE WARNING SIGNS SO HE DIDN'T WANT TO UPSET JOHN

• "Even Scotland Yard can get somewhere with that"

• I feel like Sherlock had a little bit of a panic when she pulled the gun out, because he KNOWS that John is sitting there and he can't lose John Watson

• She loves John but he loves John too.... too much man, too much

• She can barely turn: the fact she knows that she may have just lost John forever

• YAAAAS WE'RE AT THE HOLMES' GUYS

• "How is it only 2 o'clock, I am in agony"

• "Is this your laptop, Mycie?" "Upon which depends the security of the free world, yes, and you've got potatoes on it"

• "Am I happy, I haven't noticed?" *gets hit with cracker*

• MRS HOLMES WE STAN A QUEEN

• "Someone's put a bullet in my boy and if I ever find out who I will turn absolutely monstrous": *takes tea to said shooter*

• When the dad is the only sane one XD

• I think even Sherlock's dad can see how much his son is in love with John

• I'm sorry but the entirety of the first bit at the Holmes': I STAN IT GUYS

• "What exactly is the point of you!?"

• "What's going on" "Bloody good question": me in physics

• Jesus Mrs Hudson is right Sherlock does look bloody awful

• "...that's me by the way, hello": HE'S SO PROUD AND IT'S SO SWEET

• "IT WAS MY HUSBAND'S CARTEL, I was just typing"

• The fact he tells him to be calm: Sherlock KNOWS that he needs to calm John down to get this sorted out

• Mary, stop being sarcy with him he's tryna sort it out

• "Because you won't love me when you've finished, and I don't want to see that happen": I mean she's not my favourite but I still feel so sorry for her

• "Look at you two: you should've got married": Sherlock: OH BABY NOT MY GAY ASS

• See, Sherlock SAYS that the reason Mary didn't kill him was because John would be part of the murder investigation, but I think it's because she's already seen what Sherlock's death would do to John: she's seen him crying at the grave, seen him drunk and screaming for Sherlock to come back, seen him unable to even walk past St Barts without seeing Sherlock hitting the ground over and over and over again, and she knows she can't do that to him again

• Paramedics: yo we here

• "She shot you" "ehhhhh mixed messages"

• "The problems are your past are your business. The problems of your future are my privilege": GET YOURSELF A MAN LIKE JOHN WATSON

• "You can mow the sodding lawn from now on": the fact John uses his wife's secret identity to get out of chores is such a mood XD

• When your mother catches you smoking: Mycroft: nope wasn't me Sherlock: *immediately blames his brother*

• "Your loss would break my heart" "what the HELL am I supposed to say to that": brotherly feeeeeeeeeeeels

• "Go and have some more": AWWW YOU LOVE HIM REALLY

• Dr Watson voice is baaaack

• Awwww at least he checks they're all still breathing XD

• "You can imagine the Christmas dinners".... GUYS THE OMENS CAME TRUE

• I love the idea that Sherlock just waltzed into Angelo's like "yo can I have a table", and Angelo DIDN'T EVEN QUESTION what he was wearing or the fact he was hooked up to morphine, just said "yoooo, I got your table sorted" and brought him food XD

• The constant flashbacks in this episode are so effective, cos they really bloody fit in

• "My brother": *literally delivers a drugged Mycroft all wrapped up with a little bow on top* "WELL I DIDN'T LIE"

• "Oh yeah we could be imprisoned for high treason btw": Sherlock stop you idiot

• "But it's Christmas!"

• "WHY WOULD I BRING MY GUN!?!!?!?!" "Coat pocket?" "YES"

• "But look how you care about John Watson": even MAGNUSSEN knows guys

• Awwwww Mycroft's pressure point is Sherlock, that's kinda sweet

• You've gotta admit Magnussen's logic is pretty sound

• "I enjoy it": yeah but you're a sadistic maniac, mate, you don't enjoy normal things

• He must have half the fucking Eden Project in his house XD

• Ooooo THE VAULTS ARE A MIND PALACE: big reveaaaaaaaaaal

• Sherlock's little look down: it's as if he's chastising himself, telling himself he should have know

• "I don't understand" "You should put that on a t-shirt": JOHN WATSON T-SHIRT SAGA #2, PART 1

• "Sherlock do we have a plan?" *silence*

• "I still don't understand" "And there's the back of the t-shirt": JOHN WATSON T-SHIRT SAGA #2, PART 2

• When Magnussen makes John let him flick his face: Sherlock can't even WATCH. He's just standing there, staring at the floor, still questioning why he didn't see it

• I mean I'm sorry but the murderous little glint in Sherlock's eyes when Magnussen is flicking John: he knows there's nothing he can do, but then he also knows what he's about to do. And he knows that John is going to hate it, but it's the only way to keep Mary safe

• THE LOVING LOOK AT JOHN JESUS CHRIST I CAN'T

• "MERRY CHRISTMAS" *bang*: JESUS SHERLOCK NO

• Mycroft sounds so panicked, like "no please don't shoot him"

• "Tell her she's safe now": THEN. That was the moment John realised. The moment he realised who he was really in love with

• All Mycroft can see is his crying, upset and scared little brother AND I CAN'T

• "You know what happened to the other one": OOOOOOO

• "There is no prison where we can incarcerate Sherlock without him causing a riot on a daily basis": dis be true guys

• SHERLOCK MAKES MARY LOOK AFTER JOHN I CAAAAAAN'T

• The fact that all acceptingly walk away, like they know what Sherlock is gonna try to do

• "The game is never over, John. There are just new players": SHERL STOP

• "6 months, my brother estimates. He's never wrong": he KNOWS he's gonna die

• The fact he can't even tell John just shows something, doesn't it

• "John there's something I need to say. Something I've always meant to say but never have. Since it's unlikely that we'll ever meet again, I might as well say it now": we all wanted it. We all wanted him to say it. Even JOHN had the hopeful little look in his eyes....

• "Sherlock is actually a girl's name": BUT HE CHICKENS OUT AT THE LAST SECOND. You can just see the disappointment and upset in his face, even on the plane, knowing that he may not see John again and John still doesn't know

• "Did you miss me?": MORIARTY YES WE STAN A QUEEN

• "You're needed": the lil panic cos he knows his OD isn't gonna work

• "Who needs me" "....England": yeah, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are screwed XD

[lidrens]

Hiiiii just checking in, it’s me again 🤡! I started working on your gift today :) and I’m currently getting packed for a flight tomorrow (which is today for you lol) how are you doing? Any upcoming plans? If you could have dinner with anybody (dead or alive) who would you want, and what would y’all talk about ? Also, what’s your favorite mythical and/ or extinct creatures (I.e whoolie mammoth, unicorn, Dinos, centaurs, etc) also I’ve been looking through your art on ur blog and omg ur so good

hewwo again this is a yesterdays ask im very sorry i couldnt reply in time ;;-;;

my only upcoming plan is to get through the holidays at this point and dont get to the bottom of the life again cuz depression is stupid and im so fuckin tired man. so goddamn tired. but i made my plans for today, so.  have hope?

hmm. theres someone id wanna meet again and become better friends with. we could talk about our lives back then. and nerd out haha.. theyre not alive, sadly.

uuuuh im not big on creatures so i must say none? tho id fuckin love to have giant bugs from ancient times. but theres nothing specific. and tbh im not a fan of mythical animals,, theyre cool and all but id rather have mythical sentient creatures ndjkfdc

YOURE TOO KIND AAAAA, MAN 

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Gotham” S4E4

Heck yeah, I’m on S4!

Also, four for you, Ben McKenzie (for writing this episode)!  Because this episode was super good!

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post. 

*Recap shows Barbara kissing Ra’s*  Nope!

*covers up screen with phone*  Nope!

“Perhaps you [Bruce] should consider what it [the knife] is before you drop two million dollars on it, shouldn’t you?”  *chuckles*

*Bruce leaves the knife at the museum overnight*  Oh this is such a bad idea…

Whoa!

Oh that camera angle though [as it goes from upside down to focus on Ed]!  That’s awesome!

“Tomorrow night, Oswald…”  Lemme guess… YOU DIE!

“…is the night you die.”  Called it.

I still think it’s a really bad idea that they left the knife THERE by itself with two people who probably have no idea about Ra’s al Ghul.

“Alex, bring me the Palmerian Codex.” The what the what Codex?

I know there’s an actual name for this knife but I forget what they called it, starts with a “B” or something

AN:  It’s formerly called the Balashi Blade, because it was originally intended to be an embalming knife

OK, so they do know about Ra’s al Ghul!

I feel like, if you take this whole Ra’s al Ghul thing out of context, or if you place this show in modern times, people would probably react to this like “Wait?  That sounds like some Da Vinci code shit.”

“He [Ra’s al Ghul] was a warlord.”  He was a warlord… who got caught up in some shit!

I’m sorry, I’m cussing so much in this.  It’s like you see something so much that you allow yourself to make fun it of it even though you enjoy it.  That’s it.

That… is a rather pathetic looking lion [in one of the display cases at the museum].  I mean, it’s been taxidermied, but it has a really small mane.  Either that’s a juvenile or he just did not have enough testosterone in his system at all.

*Someone knocks on the door to the office*  Please tell me it’s Ra’s al Ghul at the door.

He’s gonna be like “Hiiiii, I heard that someone was in possession of something I own.  Or rather not ‘I own’ but other people have owned, but it’s been passed down to me, so technically, it’s mine.  I own it.”

And the guy’s like “Uhhhh, no… we have plenty of knives here.  We just don’t have the one you’re looking for.  I’m so sorry sir.”

And Ra’s is like…. “Why you always lyin’…”

OK, I’m done.

IT IS HIM!

In this episode, if he does the whole “Bruce, be the Dark Knight the prophecy told you to be,” I’m gonna slap this laptop off this inn table.

Plus, this is quite possibly the best version of Ra’s al Ghul I’ve ever seen.  I mean, I still like Liam Neeson’s Ra’s al Ghul but Alexander Siddig is actually of Arabic descent.  And plus he’s just so charismatic!

“I’m [Ra’s] looking for a knife Bruce Wayne bought you [Dr. Winthrop] earlier today.”  Because I am obsessed!

*gasps when Ra’s stabs Dr. Winthrop*

Where’d the kid [Alex the grandson] go?

*jams out to the opening theme*

“Harper, where’s Bullock?”  “He asked me to fill him.  He took a sabbatical for a few days.”  Really?

Why does the actress that play Harper look really familiar?

They’re [Jim and Harper] just gonna let Bruce walk into an active crime scene investigaton?

“But I [Bruce] paid a great deal for it [the knife], and there was another bidder, a very aggressive one:  Barbara Kean.” Haha, Jim’s just like “God dammit…”

Another panning transition shot!  Take a shot!

God, Barbara, change your haaaaaiiirrrr!  Ugh, or let it grow out.  Please.

“If you [Barbara] had acquired the knife when I [Ra’s] first requested it, they wouldn’t be necessary.”  I thought you said it was OK that Bruce got it!

Whoa!

“His name is Anubis.”  Whaaat?

Whaaaaaatt?!? Did I step into an episode of “Hannibal?”  What’s going on?

There’s Riddler’s hat!

“You know, your [Sofia’s] father taught me [Oswald] many things. Among them was to nurture a healthy paranoia.”  Hooo….

“I’ll stab you.”  HAHA!

Wow, way to make a lady in Gotham feel welcome, Oswald!

*”White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane plays in Barbara’s place*  Ooohh, good song.  Good song!

“You [Barbara] seem different.”  Yeah, she took a rejuvenating bath in a certain famous neon green pit.

“Is it Ra’s al Ghul?”  Whoooooo!!

BRUCE WAYNE, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!?

Oh that’s a cool shot of them [Jim and Bruce] just arguing in the alley!

“Ra's al Ghul is the real leader of the Court of Owls.  He is the one responsible for the virus and having me kidnapped.”  “And you [Bruce] didn't think to mention any of this before?”  *claps appreciatively*  Yes! Thank you, Jim!

“Why would he [Ra’s] want the knife?”  Plot.

*scoffs* He [Jim] just hanged up on Harper?!?

*jaw drops in shock as the rappers deliver Ed’s riddle to Oswald*

*cracks up when Victor starts jamming out to it*

“What the hell was that?”  HeheHAHA…

EDWARD SENT RAPPERS TO OSWALD!  Oh my God, that’s amazing!

*has to take a minute to laugh*

 “I [Oswald] want Victor to freeze him [Ed] again.”  “Huh?”  “Not you, the other Victor!”  *just about ends up crying laughing*

“Earth meets sky, water flows, birds fly.”  The pier!

“I [Oswald] want Ed Nygma.”  AGAIN! Because you’re Oswald Cobblepot in this show!

He’s [Alex] hiding in the records room in broad daylight?  With a bunch of windows?

*lets out a small gasp when we hear commotion outside the archive room*

Holy crap, Bruce has definitely grown!  Oh my gosh… how tall is he at this point?

*Anubis jumps Jim*  Whoa!

*Anubis’s handler starts speaking some ancient language.”  Great.

*gasps when Anubis manages to bite Alex’s wrist*

*Jim knocks over all the bookshelves on Anubis*  Ooooohhhhhh!!!

Where’s the knife hidden?

*Ra’s enters the precinct*  OH MY FREAKING GOD!

“Ra's al Ghul.  Minister of Antiquities attached to the consulate of Nanda Parbat.”  OH.  MY GOD!

“This is the guy that you're [Jim] looking at for murder?  Why does he just walk in?”  Why would you [Jim] openly discuss this with Harper right in front of the captain’s office, where Ra’s al Ghul is sitting, and Ra’s can probably read lips?

“I [Bruce] need to get you [Alex] to a hospital-”  “No, no.”  “Then the police.” DO NOT GO TO THE PRECINCT!  Ra’s is there!  

Hide!  Go to Wayne Manor or something!  Hide in the Batcave!

“You’re [Bruce]…weirdly cool.” Oh my gosh, that’s awesome.

Why would you [Jim] bring the evidence bag with you INTO THE CAPTAIN’S OFFICE?!?

I can’t believe Ra’s has the freaking balls to walk into the precinct himself and ask for assistance on looking for the knife.

Oh my God…

“May I [Ra’s] see the knife, Detective?  It would so set my mind at ease.”  *hisses in panic*

*gasps and sits back in shock when Alfred accidentally walks in on Jim interviewing Ra’s*

*Ra’s disappears*  WHERE THE CRAP DID HE GO?

*freezes when we can hear Victor shoot the remaining Falcone loyalists outside*

“My [Sofia’s] father wouldn't have killed those men.  He would have invited me to his club, as you did, but then gone further.  He would have invited me to dinners.  Had us seen in public.  Sent the message that the old order supports me.  And those men you killed would have pledged you loyalty.  Now they're fertilizer.”  Whoooo hoo hooo!  Whoo!

Oh my God, Sofia’s probably gonna wipe the floor with Oswald’s ass later this season.

*gasps when we hear commotion outside the museum exhibit where Bruce and Alex are*

*Anubis enters* Oh that mothereffer!

Who’s the due with him that has half his face painted?

“Harper.   If Mr. Pennyworth tries to leave, arrest him.”  Ooohhhh…

“At midnight I'll make this one easy/ This place makes some people lie/ Some people speak/ And some people cry.”  Speakeasy? A club?  Iceberg Lounge!

Yeah, it’s the Iceberg Lounge!  Yeah, and he’s [Oswald] crying there all the time.

“Can we please just torture them now?”  “WHY NOT?!?” Haha!

*gasps when Anubis tackles Bruce to the ground*

*Anubis and Jim fall through the sabertooth tiger skeleton case*  Oooohhh!  

Bruce, what are you doing?!?  Get Alex out of there!

*Alex beats Anubis off Bruce*  Alex, get out of there!  Where’s the knife?!?

*Jim accidentally distracts Anubis with a rib bone*  Oh my God.

*Jim throws the bone out the window*  OHHH my God.

*Jaw drops when Anubis leaps out after it*  Well he’s gone.

*Jim stabs the handler in the stomach with another rib bone*  Ooooohhhh!

Where’s Alex?!?

“Bruce, hand me [Jim] the knife.”  WHAT?!?!? NO!

“He [Ra’s] killed Alfred.  And then brought him back to life.  And Alex's grandfather was afraid of this knife.  I can't give it to him.” Bruuuccee!!

*yells in horror when Ra’s kills Alex*

God dang it… GUYYSSSSS!!

“This is all my fault.”  Bruce, this is not!

“Alex is dead because of me.  I killed him.”  Bruce….

“Your [Ed’s] riddles suck.”  HAHA!

“The answer was Stoker’s Cemetery.  Only an idiot wouldn’t see that.”  Nooo…

“Tell me, how long did it take you to come up with those riddles?” “I don’t know.  A minute?  Two minutes?  A few hours… six hours.”  What? 

OK, that’s terrible.

“Oswald, I’m [Ed] gonna shoot you.”  *In best Jerome impression*  In the face!

*Mr. Freeze walks in*  Oooooohhh!

“You remember him?  My other Victor?” The other Victor!

“Stop.  I changed my mind.”  Oh my freaking- OSWALD!

I am so sick of this!  They keep going back and forth on this whole Oswald and Ed weird friendship/relationship thingy!

*Jim grabs Sofia’s hand before she can touch him*  Hoooo….

Oh my God..

*Jim and Sofia end up kissing* OH my God…

Oh…Oh…

*Jim and Sofia end up making out on the couch*  OOHHHHH!!

Oh my gosh, why are they putting Ra’s in freaking Blackgate?

Oh my gosh, he [Ra’s] has the haircut!

*jams out to the ending theme*

[underaswift-sunrise]

Hello lovely, anon here! I hope all has been well with you! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ I know we haven’t seen ep 33 of Word of Honor yet, but this episode (32) THIS EPISODE! The feels!! AAHHH!! I’ve sadly been spoiled and knew/know what’s going to happen, but watching it is a whole other experience! To watch your soulmate fall off a cliff and then to jump down with them （ｉДｉ）THEN GET SAVED AT THE LAST SECOND SO YOU CAN’T DIE WITH YOUR SOULMATE!! Then waking up and hoping it was just a dream, only to see other men boast about the fact the Chief of the Ghost Valley, your soulmate, was dead. THEN to see his body lying on the table ( つ᷄.̯σ̣̥᷅ ) my heart ached for ZZS! Then he pretty much didn’t want to live if his soulmate wasn’t with him, so he forced the nails out of his body... I assume that hastened the affects of the nails and he’d die quicker(๑ १д१)... BUT, I wanted to tell you something, in case you didn’t know about this. But when ZZS went to Guigu Valley and floated down to Wen Kexing, the subs said “save it” BUT, people watched the words on ZZS lips, so he actually said “you’re mine” ꒰˘̩̩̩⌣˘̩̩̩๑꒱♡ I also saw spoils for that, but it was so heartwarming actually seeing that in the episode! I’m also so sad that Word of Honor is almost over.. (*꒦ິ⌓꒦ີ) 36 episodes is certainly not enough! But who knows if I’ll recover after this show will end... then I’ve got to search for another drama to watch (I’m still not recovered after watching The Untamed, but we all have been like that lol). What do you think of these recent episodes? ´･ᴗ･` And I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week! (✿´‿`)

Dear anon, hiiiii! Omg, I have missed your previous ask because I didn’t see the notification! T_T 💔 I almost never use Tumblr on my computer so on mobile I don’t see my inbox directly! I’m so sorry!!! I’m going to make up for it here ahahah xD 

Oh these last episodes were VERY intense!! I have to say ep. 32 was a bit confusing in some parts, I had the feeling they had cut some scenes! Especially the confrontation at Ghost Valley, it felt a bit rushed a to me, but that’s just my opinion! xD The writing was excellent in the first episodes so it seemed weird! But the scene on the cliff was very good and wow, I didn’t know about that lip reading!!! I will have to go check a lip reading compilation on youtube xD And of course, the scene with the hair brushing and the hairpin, oh my goodness T_T It was so tender and domestic, I loved it so much!!! Speaking of Cheng Ling, it was painful seeing him going against WKX... And also, I had the feeling that during the banquet he was acting weird, like he knew something we don’t?? Same goes for Xie Wang, I feel like he’s going to do something shocking in the next episodes... Let’s see! I’m also sad about WoH coming to an end! T_T Waiting for the new episodes every week has been so much fun, and I came to love these characters so I’ll miss them for sure!! 😭

Oh I agree, recovering from CQL is simply not possible! xD But I have a veeeery long list of dramas to watch, the only problem is choosing which one! I’ve recently read about The Longest Day in Chang’an which sounds like something I could love and also The Lost Tomb Series which I’ve been meaning to start for some weeks now! xD Let me know what you think about ep. 33 after you watch it!! I hope you’re having a great week!!! :D 💖

[sometimesambroswrites]

ONLY IF IT DOESNT BOTHER U AND IF U DONT HAVE ALREADY A LOT OF STUFF TO DO/WRITE!!! I’m sorry I’m gonna overwork you but lately there’s been a lot of angst in ur prompts so I’m just gonna ask u fluff. Like, an au where Alec works in ragnor’s bookshop and Magnus is suddenly interested in visiting more his friend or anything fluff u want idk

Hiiiii! You asked for fluff and fluff you shall have *Thor voice*Okay, I love this prompt and I also kind of loved the idea I had for it, so hopefully this isn’t too bad!Thank you for the prompt :D

You know hearts don’t break around here

(read on AO3)

“You would not believe the night I've had – I mean, you'd thinkI'd be able to invent a hangover potion, and yet –”

Magnus stops dead in his tracks in front of the registry, hand stillraised to massage his forehead; he takes a quick look around to makesure he's actually surrounded by books and he's not in the wrongshop. Plenty of books: check.

He looks back at the incredibly hot Shadowhunter who's staring at himfrom behind the register, looking as confused as Magnus feels. “Youare not Ragnor,”he says; there's a miniscule part of his mind that's quickly goingover the most gruesome reasons why the Shadowhunter would be standingbehind the counter instead of Ragnor – including murder, theft, ora combination of the two –, but the truth is that most of hishangover, foggy train of thought looksmore like an endless sequence of the words hot andoh my god.

The Shadowhunter raises an eyebrow:“What gave me away?” he asks, perfectly deadpan, and Magnus mightbe in love. Also in need of coffee and greasy food.

“The lack of insults as soon as Iwalked in, actually.” Magnus takes a few quick steps and holds outhis hand: “Magnus Bane. Charmed.”

One corner of the Shadowhunter'slips quirks up the tiniest bit, like he's trying to hold back asmile, but it's too late now, Magnus has seen it, his hangover mightbe cured.

“If you're planning on making someawful pun about how he must be charmed too because of the Warlockthing, I beg you, don't.”

Magnus rolls his eyes and turns onhis heels to face Ragnor: “You ruin everything,” he says, notpouting.

Ragnor rolls his eyes and sends apile of books to land in front of the Shadowhunter, narrowly avoidingMagnus. “Alec, if you could please see to these.”

The Shadowhunter – Alec,probably short for something, probably for Alexander– nods, looking extremely professional, hands clasped behind hisback and all; he lifts thebooks as if they weigh nothing and walks around the counter before hedisappears in the maze of shelves and bookcases Ragnor has thecourage to call a bookstore.

“You have some drool on yourchin.”

Magnus doesn't, doesn'tsnap his mouth shut, and turnsto glare at Ragnor: “I am not drooling.Also, totally unrelated, who's that?”

“A Shadowhunter with a perfectlyfunctioning hearing rune,” Alec calls from somewhere in the shop.

A blissful smile curls Magnus' lipsas he leans on the counter, behind which Ragnor looks unimpressed:“I'm in love.”

*

He ends up taking Alec to lunch(“Hey Alec, do you need to take a break? I could dobreakfast and I know how Ragnor is with his employees.”“It's twelve thirty in the afternoon and I'm adelight.”) to the Mundanediner around the corner becausehe could kill for their pancakes and nobody ever judges him forgetting pancakes for lunch.

He gets pancakes and drowns them inmaple syrup and digs in happily as Alec takes a careful bite of hishamburger; he wrinkles his nose as he seems to consider the taste andclearly finds it acceptable since he keeps eating it.

Magnus steals one of Alec's friesafter he's done eating his pancakes, and Alec glares first and thenmakes a face athim as he realizes the taste of the fry and thetaste of the syrup drenched pancakes are probably mixing in hismouth.

Magnus wiggles his eyebrows at himand Alec moves his fries closer to himself.

Magnus chuckles and cradles hischocolate milkshake between his hands, the sweetness of it mercifullywashing away whatever remained of his hangover on his tongue.

Alec doesn't talk much. He doesn'tlook uncomfortable as they sit and eat in silence though, which isgood. He's probably just someone who doesn't like to talk. He alsopushes back the fries towards Magnus when he's done with hishamburger, so. There's that.

*

Magnus brings a pillow to thebookstore and places it on the conveniently enlarged windowsill allthe way to the back, near the history section no one ever checks out;he curls on it with a book in his lap and he tries not to fallasleep. He's read most of the books Ragnor sells, at least thoseabout magic and potions and charms, so he tries one about Vampirehistory. It's kind of interesting, if a bit boring.

Ragnor simply shakes his head at himand says: “Consider yourself warned.”, but Magnus is free help sothat's all he says. Plus, Ragnor is actually a teddy bear.

Alec doesn't seem to be bothered byMagnus' presence; it's not like he ignores him, more like he doesn'tdisturb him. Not that he would be disturbing and not like Magnusexpects him to stop working to pay attention to him. Plus, it's –nice. Alec brings him coffee and Magnus takes him to lunch. Alecleaves the books he thinks Magnus might like on his giant pillow andMagnus helps him with impossible clients when Ragnor isn't around.It's mostly – quiet. Sometimes Alec will mutter thatcan't be healthy when he catchesMagnus sitting in the most bizarre position on his pillow andsometimes Magnus will follow him around the shop because he's boredand sleepy and he'll fall asleep if he doesn't.

Sometimes Magnus does fallasleep and he either wakes up because Ragnor is flicking his foreheador because Alec is draping an old blanket over him.

It's soft and slow and perfect inthe way it grows under the blanket of snow all the way throughDecember.

Alec is wrapped in a huge, comfylooking sweater when he presents Magnus with hot cocoa instead of hisusual coffee; it's one ofthose days where no one will come in because it's too cold andthere's too much snow, and Ragnor will spend his day in his “office”,reading and drinking tea and despising the world.

Alec sits next to him, his headleaning against the glass of the window – which would be impossiblycold if it wasn't for Magnus.

Magnus sceptically studies the mug.

“You drink too much coffee,”Alec says, before Magnus can complain.

Magnus shrugs and takes a sip of hishot cocoa; it tastes delicious and it sits warm and comfortable inhis chest.

Alec has closed his eyes and helooks peaceful and beautiful; the warmth coming from Magnus' spell onthe window is paintinghis cheeks pink.

“So, tell me something,” Magnussays, because he can't keep staring in silence; Alec opens one eye.“What is a Shadowhunter, a Lightwood, nonetheless, doing working ina place like this?”

Alec huffs, but he opens his othereye too and turns his head to look at him: “And what is a Warlock,the High Warlock of Brooklyn, nonetheless, doing notworking in a place like this?”

And Magnus doesn't look away, notreally – he looks down for a moment and a bitter smile curls hislips because, well, he's wondered that too. “Hiding,” he says.Completely honest and open and sincere and tired in a way he hasn'tlet himself be in a long time. But – he can here, now, with the wayAlec's expression softens, both of them tired in their own way, bothof them not quite tired enough.

“And what are they doingtogether?” Alec asks, something more than a whisper, holdinghimself like he's just waiting for something, anything.

Magnus says: “A mess, probably.”,but he's already leaning forwards, Alec'sfingers shaking in his hair as he presses his lips against Magnus',tasting hot cocoa on his tongue.

(Somewhere, Ragnor is probablythinking a mess indeed.)

[arc-17]

Ask away : 1,5,10,15,20,25,30,35,40,45,50,55,60,65,70,75,80,85,90,95? 🙆

Hiiiii! Ok so it takes me a while to answer things. Sorry!Ok here we go...1. Do you sleep with the closet doors open or closed?~Open usually, because I jam so much stuff in there its hard to keep closed lol!5. What is your favorite color?~Blue! Followed closely by a deep royal purple. 10. Zodiac sign?~I'm a little ol' sky crustacean. 🦀 Cancer.15. Grab the book nearest you, turn to page 64, give me line 14.~"The Starship 2000 was a radical small-business aircraft design, drawing on the experience of Burt Rutan and his concurrent Voyager project..." -The Encyclopedia of Aircraft by Silverdale Books. 200420. Do you dance in the car?~Oh heck yes! And Car's been known to do a little fast shimmy too when no ones around... 25. Do you prefer to swim in the pool or the ocean?~Both! Whenever I can. 30. Do you study better with or without music?~With, all the time, helps get my brain zeroed in. In fact most tasks are easier and faster for me with music. Except flying. I want a perfectly quiet cockpit when in the air so can keep an ear to all the parts humming. But the sound of the engines is music to me sooo... guess that counts. 😎🛩35. Do you believe in magic? ~Perhaps....😉 *Starts singing* 🎶"Do you believe in magic? Come along with me, We'll dance until morning, just you and me..."🎶40. Do you have any obsessions right now?~Choices! Especially Endless Summer, The Crown and the Flame, Hero, It Lives in the Woods, Most Wanted, and the Haunting of Braidwood Manor! And Estela Montoya! Also Airsoft, Star Wars, and anything Avaition related. 45. Name one movie that made you cry.~Omg... only one? Nuh uh, gonna do several:▪War Horse▪Letters from Juliet ▪Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (Because I am a big Barbossa fan)▪Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (What is it with Disney killing off Dads this year???)▪Bambi (Who doesn't?)▪Lilo & Stitch: Stitch has a Glitch▪The PassionOk... that was more than several...50. Do you fear thunder/lightning?~No, as long as I'm indoors. I actually find a thunderstorming day relaxing, especially when the power goes out. And if its a severe one, I find it interesting to watch, the hail or bolts of lightening crossing the sky. Now being in the Midwest USA, when the tornado sirens sound off we do rush to the basement and that part is always a little... adventuresome. But even then not afraid.  55. What season are you in right now?~It's the Fall! Leaves changing color and flittering in the breeze, a chill in the air and all the farmers working like crazy with their giant machines in the fields. 60. Do I have any homework right now? If so, what is it about?~Well... in my profession you have to keep studying each year as the laws change so currently watching and reading up on the new Tax Bills moving through Congress. 65. What's your opinion on Instagram Stories?~On what? *Googles* Oooh I see. Hmm... it sounds interesting but I lead such a boring life it wouldn'tbe useful for me. 70. Are both of your blood parents still in your life?~Yup! And they've been married 48 years now! And I see Mom every day for we work in the same company. 75. Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set?~Yes and absolutely Yes!80. Stalked someone on a social network?~Nah, unless you count my friend and I talking about internet and online security and him curious what I could find out about him. I showed him what I could find and it's amazing what all is out there. 85. What do you wear to bed?~T-shirt and PJs usually. 90. Favorite soda drink?~Root Beer and Dr. Pepper!95. What tatoo do you want?~Soo... I have a thing with needles... they are spooky. And the thought of ink going under my skin... eeeh no. They look cool though and I've actually helped designed some using my calligraphy! Thank you for these asks! They are fun!