#also heres a Psychic Gun and also we're gonna give you the ability to set things on fire with your MIND

[extantformoflife]

the two funniest things about psychonauts so far. in my humble opinion. (i am three hours into this game). are (1) the scene where a bully says to raz "i heard you were raised in a circus" and you the player goes. haha real original insult buddy. until it is revealed that no actually raz was ACTUALLY FUCKING RAISED IN A CIRCUS. and (2) when you go to agent nein and say "yeah i would like to fight the giant shadow monster lurking in the depths of my psyche" and he, a person who moments prior was basically goading raz into fighting said giant shadow monster, goes "what? no. i cant let you do that? no! thats against so many rules!!! you CANNOT do that!!" while raz is actively running away from him in order to get a gun license

[lakemojave]

Mojave Reads X-Men: X-Men #3, X-Men #4, and X-Men #5

Ok so I got a little distracted since the last reading, but I got through some more comics! I do feel myself getting into a groove with these ones, and like last time they were all a hell of a lot of fun! 60s X-Men is really growing on me! I kinda feel like I'm learning more about the Silver Age of comic books than I am about the X-Men, but honestly that's kinda the bargain I made going into this.

This time we've got a lot of villains to introduce. Up to issue #4 we were mostly doing a villain or hijink of the week format, but now we need to give this superhero team a group of supervillain rivals! Naturally this means that Magneto comes back, but you might be surprised by just how many iconic characters and concepts are introduced in this group of issues. It may not be the thematically dense gravy that I hoped for with X-Men, but the bones for that fine substance are absolutely here.

And now, the review!

X-Men #3

This comic introduces the X-Men villain The Blob, who is simply a very large man. The X-Men try and fail to recruit him, then must fend off Blob's retaliatory invasion of clowns, jugglers, and acrobats. It is, in comparison to our previous issues, a standard Silver Age X-Men caper. And yet I had a ton of fun with this one.

These issues will always start with a training sequence in the Danger Room, giving our young heroes a chance to show off their abilities. You see, comics used to be written with new readers in mind, considering the fact that some young readers might miss last issue--the comic stand at the grocery store straight up might've run out of last month's issue! So these little scenes to show off the team's powers and reestablish the X-Men team dynamic are certainly repetitive, but I find them really charming for this reason.

Even if there are some repetitive elements, the status quo is slowly morphing. Cyclops' real name is Scott Summers, and this is the first issue to actually use that name for the guy. We establish that he's no nonsense, occasionally brooding, but is also harboring a secret attraction to Jean Grey (which the other boys are much less secretive about). At the same time though, we learn that Charles Xavier is ALSO attracted to Jean! On one hand, uh, what the fuck dude she is a teenager and you're like 30. On the other, this is the seed of lots of soap opera family drama that'll come to characterize the team dynamic as the X-Men swell in the 70s!

But enough about that. It's time for the circus.

The Blob's whole deal is that he's super strong, super huge, and super durable. It makes him a good carnival attraction, but learning he's a mutant and what the X-Men are makes him want a little more out of his current setup. We're gonna see a lot of this kind of conflict a lot I think, our favorite mutants trying to bring some wayward mutant into their ranks, then falling short due to a gap in what the two parties want out of being a mutant. It's understandable to want more from life, discovering that you're more extraordinary than your circumstances have lead you to believe. It's also hilarious to see that perspective articulated by an all out invasion by n army of clowns.

This might be the most chaotic ending battle we've seen so far. I genuinely had a lot of fun reading this bit. It's goofy, but everyone on the team has something to do in the fight, and their enemies are more diverse than just generic mob goons with tommy guns. It comes to an end after Professor X charges up a techno doohickey to use his psychic powers to stop Blob in his tracks, then wiping his memory of the mansion and sending him on his way.

It's straightforward and familiar, but the series is clearly evolving as we go. For instance, Beast is starting to drop his trademark five dollar words and his generally refined personality. Mr. Hank McCoy has been my least favorite part of these early comics because without anything like this to set him apart, then he's just a normal guy with his toes out all the time. Now, he's a normal guy with his toes out all the time who would also quote Tennyson in the middle of a fight.

Good comic, but after 3 issues I've been excited for some kind of movement in the overall story of this team. I need them to have something to do that has consequence, something with real drama. I might not get that for a while, but issue 4 at least comes pretty close to satisfying.

X-Men #4

You know I'm not the first person to say this but I always thought "Brotherhood of Evil Mutants" was an odd name. Like if you genuinely believe that your cause is just, why would you willingly call yourselves that? It's a bit like the name Decepticons, right? An immediate red flag to anyone you're trying to convince to your side. "We are the league of murderliars, and our intentions are noble and pure!"

That said, I'm kind of astounded by how much is introduced here. After our standard training sequence and then a 1 year X-Men team anniversary celebration, we shift over to their villainous counterpart. I'm kind of shocked by how many pivotal characters in the canon are introduced here! Toad and Mastermind are here, they're alright I guess, but our other two members are Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver! I didn't know that these characters were so foundational to the fabric of the X-Men franchise, and it goes deeper! Wanda gets a brief backstory flashback that is the first time we see any kind of xenophobia and prejudice against mutants, an aspect of Wanda's character that is still with us to this day!

It's still all very silly, make no mistake. Magneto's back, but his personality is still pretty generic and the dialogue is still very stupid. Magneto's plan is to take over a South American island nation using an American battleship and Mastermind's power of mass hallucination. The panel that shows how Magneto steals the ship is hilarious, and Charles has one of my favorite lines in the series so far.

Yes. Who would dare attack a South American nation unprovoked. Utterly unthinkable.

There is so much stuff in this issue though. By this point, I think we're zeroing in on what concepts the readers are coming back for, and there's something about Magneto that comes off as pretty compelling! This issue establishes that he and Charles have some kind of history, giving them their first of many psychic conversations, and the very first usage of the iconic rallying cry, "Magneto was right!" The context of these things are all very threadbare, but as someone who loves Magneto as a character in the modern day, it's all so compelling to me.

The funniest part of the whole issue is probably when Magneto sets up a nuclear fuckin bomb to blow up the island he just took over. Dude is just making up this plan as he goes I guess.

The comic ends with the team escaping the island with an incapacitate Charles, who claims that his psychic powers aren't working anymore! Oh fuck! Now they have to defeat Magneto and his evil mutants all on their own!

X-Men #5

This is another hefty one! The evil mutants are still out and about so the X-Men have to stop them, following them to their secret base and kicking their ass without any support from ol' Xavier. What's exciting about this one is that their secret base has shifted from some unidentified island in the Atlantic to something more iconic.

This is Asteroid M! I actually know this one from X-Men '97, in which Magneto hoists this whole fuckin thing out of the sea and launches it back into space. It's a fantastic villain's base, suitable to Magneto's whole deal and emblematic of the evil mutants' "Homo Superior" mindset, seeing themselves above all humans, uninterested in living among them.

From this base, Magneto plots to lure Angel into a trap and take him up to the asteroid to be tortured. The X-Men are able to follow Toad into a little space pod that launches them all up to the base, and thanks to a very whimsical combination of powers, the team survives back down to earth as the asteroid crashes. If I didn't know the asteroid would return to the series in some form, I'd be pissed! What a cool idea they just shot down out of the sky, mere pages after it was introduced!

This issue has a lot of highlights though. The team has to dress like normal kids as they give Jean's parents a tour of the school, and Scott accidentally enters the Danger Room and has to survive training exercises tuned to the Beast's agility. We also get to see more fights with Quicksilver, who gets to show off how Kirby drew speedster characters! I love how they leave a streak of lines behind them, and turn into a blur of straight lines themselves. It's effective at conveying their speed and is easy to draw repeatedly!

Speaking of Kirby, at this point one notices how many little gizmos the guy liked to draw. I've already pointed out the stupid planes and helicopters in these comics, but this issue has my absolute favorite so far:

But Magneto also gets this stupid headpiece that enhances his abilities. It's very amusing to see characters who don't typically use gadgets just inexplicably have some kind of contraption. To jump back to issue 3, Charles even gets basically the same kind of gadget to enhance his own powers to stop Blob! Guess these two have a bit in common, hm?

The award for most out of touch dialogue this time goes to Wanda. It's insane that she would ask this question after Magneto was straight up about to give that island the Oppenheimer special in the last issue.

The ending, however, is just hilarious. All we get is three panels to show that...surprise! Charles had his powers the whole time! He's back to normal after all, and the X-Men are strong enough without his help! I mean, sure they are, but that means that Charles just put these teenagers through more danger than was necessary just to test them. Like dude you didn't wanna step in at all even when they were falling to earth from low orbit??? Hello??? Why is he grinning???

That's it for this batch though! Next up we have some more crossovers, including our first run in with the Fantastic Four!