#also he’s probably playing it up for laughs at these cons he’s a fucking comedian

[pipsqueakparker]

the number of writers i know personally who hate one of their characters but knows they’re important to the narrative & still respects their story…

shockingly, writers can have opinions that don’t actually impact their stories. especially when they’re in a writers room, where that opinion matters even less in favor of the story they’re all trying to tell.

so no, brandon’s opinions on octavia don’t indicate shit beyond his personal feelings on a character & say whatever you want about that but it’s fucking stupid to use his words to shit on vivzie or the show as a whole for doing something they’re literally not doing

[halo-jpeg]

Bearable | A Reddie Fanfiction

Read it from the beginning

Chapter 7.5

Bev and Richie were sitting alone. It was long past midnight now, the moon high and mighty in the great big sky, and the two were the only ones still left in the clearing of Back Cove Park; Stanley had been the first to go, dragging a rapidly tiring (yet still reluctant to leave) Eddie and Bill behind him. Mike had excused himself next, and Ben had gone with him- the two of them had taken the flashlight, leaving Beverly and her friend in near-total darkness, though they really didn't mind. That was just over an hour ago now, and since the departure of the others neither Bev nor Richie had spoken a word. There was an odd tension in the air, waves of some negative feeling rolling off of Richie so subtly that she hardly noticed them. For a good 30 minutes or so she'd been debating asking him what was wrong, why he was so off, but she had been wondering whether that was really a good idea. There were a few different paths she could take here, and each had their own obvious pros and cons; the first option was to let Richie sit in his silence, to let him have his privacy because she knows how much that privacy meant to him. The next option was to, well, wrap up the evening and leave. Beverly was tired and she was certain that he was too, so maybe it was a good idea to get the both of them home safely to sleep on the struggles. The last option, most likely to best one, was to ask Richie about what was bothering him.

Just be forward Bevvie, she told herself, wringing her hands together and picking out the best words she could. Sucking in a silent breath through her teeth, Beverly let her eyes fall momentarily shut, psyching herself up and trying to scrape together enough confidence to speak. Richie and her were seated nearly back-to-back, nothing but one of the stones/stools between them. Richie had pulled his knees up to his chest, his head leaned back to rest on the rock, eyes upturned towards the sky. From her place cross-legged just behind him, she let her own head fall backwards, bumping gently against his own.

"So," She started, her voice gentle and soft and already warning Richie of her upcoming question, "Are you okay telling me what's wrong?" She rolled her head to the side, regarding him out of the very corner of her eye, and could see the way his shoulders tensed, the way he pulled his knees just a little closer, lifting his head upright. It was as if he were curling into himself, tucking himself away into a metaphorical shell as if he were a turtle.

"Nothing's wrong," Richie said, shrugging, "I'm all god, Bev. Don't worry." Uttering a sigh, Beverly sat up and shifted halfway around the rock so that her shoulder pressed against Richie's in as comforting a way as possible.

"I... I know you don't like it when I press but..." Beverly mirrored Richie's position. going silent for a moment as phrases of comfort and coaxing danced around in her mind. She was good at talking to people, good at becoming an impromptu therapist with nearly anyone who's ever come to her- anyone except for Richie. Something about seeing Richie, esteemed Trashmouth and Man of 1000 Jokes and 6000 Riddles, sad or scared or just bummed out threw her rational brain askew, tossing her to flounder into some ocean of unease and unfamiliarity. "I'm here for you, you know. You can tell me anything. We've been through hell together, Rich, and you'll always be stuck with me." A silence stretched between them, the tension pulled taut and threatening to snap any moment now. Those waves of negativity grew stronger, nearly moving in a pulsing tandem with the distant sound of the ocean; why, Beverly was unsure. It could be both because she was upsetting him even further, or because he was letting his walls down one brick at a time. For a moment, Beverly thought Richie was going to stay silent, to decline her invitation to vent- and then, he let his head fall sideways, resting gently upon her shoulder. He scooted a little closer, arm pressed against arm, and shrugged again, dejected and unsure.

"I..." for once in his life Richie Tozier was whispering. "I'm so gay, Bev. Like, so, so gay." Beverly couldn't help but bark out a quick laugh, resting her own head on top of Richie's and rolling her eyes though he wouldn't be able to see it.

"I know that much, Tozier. I also know that's not all that's bothering you, so what's up? What's the problem?"

"The problem is that stupid, jackass, lovely little guy named Eddie. Jesus, Bev, I didn't think I'd ever like another guy again after-" Richie paused for a moment, letting the silence spell out the name he wouldn't allow himself to say, "But here I fucking am and I just- It's scary, you know? It's goddamn terrifying." Beverly nodded her head, a frown scrawling itself over her face.

"What's the scary part?"

"Remembering. I'm... I'm afraid that I'll fall in love and just get fucked up all over again. It's stupid but I can't shake the feeling that-"

"It's not stupid, Richie!" Bev's tone took on something almost scolding, and she reached for one of Richie's hands to counter the harshness, "Jesus, it's not stupid at all. Nathan," Richie stiffened, "was a dick, he hurt you. It's entirely natural to be afraid of that happening again. I promise, I'll do my best to make sure it doesn't," Beverly wrapped her arm around Richie's shoulders, pulling him closer and planting a kiss into his hair, "Eddie's an angel, Rich, you know that he'd never hurt you, right? And if he did," Bev smiled, "I'd break his stupid, jackass, lovely little neck." Richie chuckled, still weak, and shook his head. For another few beats the two fell back into a lapse of silence. Beverly's thumb, which was rested on the top of Richie's shoulder, began to skate back and forth slowly, comfortingly, rhythmic circles that helped to soothe his mind just a little bit. Sadly, with that soothing came weakening.

"No, you don't have to... you don't have to say that. I dunno," He sighed, and lifted his free hand to peel of his glasses. With the heel of his hand he scrubbed at his eyes, and Bev was dumbfounded to discover that his eyes must have been watering. Seeing Richie cry when he wasn't playing a character was a rare occurrence. She hugged him tighter, laying her legs down and pulling Richie right against her chest, cradling him as if he were a baby. "I don't think I'll ever really make any moves on Eddie. I can't risk it." Beverly opened her mouth to speak again, to repeat that Eddie was a good guy, that he wouldn't do the same things as Richie's ex, but he spoke first, "I know, I know what you're gonna say, but that's not what I mean. What I mean is that I can't risk him hating me for it or something, because then Stan and Bill will probably hate me, too- and... And that means they'll hate all of us." Richie's voice had begun to waver. Never ever has Bev felt so utterly horrible, so guilty even though this isn't her fault. "I don't want them to hate me, and I couldn't stand watching them hate you and Ben and Mike because of me,"

"Richie..." Bev tucked Richie's face against her shoulder, placing one hand on the back of his head to run her fingers through his hair, "If they hated you because you were gay then I wouldn't want anything to do with them, okay? I don't want to know them if you can't be yourself around them." As she spoke, Richie's let out a hitching breath, his battle against his own tears clearly coming closer and closer to an end. She pulled him tighter against him, other arm wrapping securely around his shoulders, and felt him hug her right back with a certain desperation, a certain starvation, clinging to her shirt as if he'd never hugged anyone in his life. It was as if she was going to slip away. He shuddered, fighting back a wail rising in his throat, trying not to sob like a child. Even though Richie was so much bigger than Bev he felt like her arms were hiding him from the world. A wave of sudden vulnerability choked his throat.

"I'm just-" Richie's voice broke and that was it for him. He melted into Beverly, the tears finally flowing free, his glasses discarded somewhere nearby and his face pressed into her shoulder, her hair, smelling her lavender shampoo. He began to tremble lightly, gasping for breath between his tears, hating how quickly he'd broken and loving that Beverly was here to cling to because she was probably the person he trusted most on this fucked up planet. "I just- I'm so scared, Bev, I'm so fucking scared and-" He was interrupted by a racking sob, and his tears strengthened tenfold, "Everything- it's all so f-fucking hard and I- I can't- Why the hell am I like this? Why the fuck can't I just- why can't I just be normal?"

"Richard Wentworth Tozier, you are not allowed to speak like that!" Beverly held him tighter, afraid that she might literally be crushing him but feeling the way he hugged her back, "Being normal fucking sucks, dude! What, you want to be some stupid pencil-pushing white boy? Get a desk job, some lame-ass wife? You can have three kids and hate your life until old age finally takes you away?" Richie nodded into her shoulder and she shook her head furiously, grabbing fistfuls of his gross arcade-carpet button up and turning her head so that her face was pressed into the crown of his head, her voice muffled, "Fuck that, Richie. You're awesome. You are literally the single greatest person that I have ever known in my entire life. You're gonna be the best comedian on the planet, and you're going to find and marry the guy of your dreams. I'm not letting you make yourself miserable just because society wants you to be, okay?" Again, with hesitance, Richie nodded. That wasn't good enough for Bev. "You got it?"

"Y-Yes, yes I-"

"Good," The firmness in her voice leaked away, replaced by that Beverly Marsh tenderness that was always hidden deep down below her spitfire, "Because I don't know what I'd do with myself if you stopped making jokes and got all old and gross." Richie was still crying, his shoulders jumping with each attempted-to-stifle sob that he just couldn't hold in. Feeling rather than seeing the misery in Richie's soul, Bev knew she had to do something to bring back his flame of humor, of idiocy, of downright stupidity. He was a fool, and she loved him for it, so she would make a fool of herself if she had to. Beverly screwed up her face, trying to get her voice to change just like Richie's always do- it didn't come as easy to her, not in the slightest, and she mostly sounded like Beverly Marsh but also sounded just a teeny tiny bit like Richie Void Of Soul. "Oh, sorry Bevvie, I can't come and make you laugh because I have a work potluck," Her voice dragged out, taking on a false-tired, lifeless drawl, and it managed to get a shaky little snicker out of Richie that was wet and sad and overtaken by another shaking sob, "Oh, by the way, do you have a recipe for some coleslaw? Usually Karen in accounting brings coleslaw but she died of boredom right at her desk," Again, Richie let out a shaky little giggle, his voice hitching for breath, little hiccups slipping past his lips as he did. The character Beverly was going for was Richie If He Followed Social Norms. It seems the joke landed at least enough to brighten the usually unshakeable mood of Richie Tozier.

"You can drop that recipe off any time after five o'clock tonight," His voice was strained, tiny and Richie pitched it up an octave and tried his best to mimic the depressing lifelessness Bev had adopted, "Any earlier than that and I might be at my sweet angel Joseph's ballgame." Beverly was laughing now too, rocking gently back and forth with Richie still held tightly in her arms.

"What are you, a soccer mom?"

"O-Only if you take Joseph and the team out for pizza after, because I'm just so proud of them. Who cares if they lost!" Richie wiped his damp eyes on Bev's shirt and leaned away, his shoulders, which were hunched, leaning back just gently as he straightened up again. He was grinning in a way that almost looked frightening, tear-stricken and all tooth and self-loathing and relief to have cried out all the sadness.

"Everyone is a winner in my book! Saddle up gang, to the Pizza Hut we go!" Beverly pumped a fist into the air, wiping at her own damp eyes and wearing a grin not dissimilar to Richie's own. Reduced to sad, scared, giggling children in one another's arms, Richie began to feel just a little better. If he tried really hard and had his friends at his side then maybe he really would fine his soulmate or his dream guy or whatever other silly name existed for 'the one'. Maybe he would fulfill his dreams and become a real standup guy, or maybe he'd pursue ventriloquism or he'd become a Rockstar or a radio host or something like that. With a few more minutes together, Richie nearly squashing Bev under his weight, he began to feel good enough to function again. Richie leaned in one more time, wrapping his arms tightly around Beverly's shoulders and crushing the soul out of her in a bear hug. After a moment of near-suffocation he pulled away, his smile more natural than it had been moments later. The two began to untangle themselves from one another like some finicky Christmas lights, and then Richie sat heavily at her side still sitting shoulder-to-shoulder.

"Thanks, Bev." Richie clasped his hands, letting them rest in his lap. Beverly's smile shrunk into something serene and loving, and the two let minutes tick by in silence as Richie picked up his last stray pieces and clicked them back into place. Once Bev was certain he was A-Okay once more she let her head shift to look at him, watching him replace his glasses and piping up with a cheeky question and a cheekier grin. Humor and teasing always was the best way to get Rich's spirits up again.

"So Eddie, huh? I didn't take him as your type." Richie let out an incredulous sound, staring at her in disbelief. The way his eyebrows had shot up said 'What the hell are you talking about? Have you seen him?'.

"He's such a- such a little bastard, it's adorable. How can you not be into that?" At this, Beverly nodded her head, letting out a sound that meant 'you have a point' and accenting it with a half-shrug that clearly didn't suffice for Richie believing that she was convinced, "And he's smart and annoying and- well, he's cute, too. So cute with his freckles and his eyes and his hair- not to mention he's way shorter than me- and... uh..." Richie cut himself off, seeing the way that Bev was looking at him. Suddenly, his face went red, flushing with heat, and he lifted one hand to scratch at the back of his neck. He smiled sheepishly. "I... I like him, I think."

"Yeah, Rich," Beverly grinned, her heart swelling with endearment, "I think you probably do."

[showupgoupla]

Do Comedians Need Record Labels? by Jay Whitecotton

edited by Al Bahmani

Are you debating releasing an album? The idea of recording an album may be very overwhelming and you may be at a loss as to how to proceed, but I’m telling you- You can pull this off.  Before making any decisions or signing any contracts, collect as much information as you can before you both regret and literally pay for it.

Fair warning, this is going to be as thorough as I can be, trying to cover angles you might not have even considered. There will most likely be some run on sentences and editing mistakes because I tend to blank out anytime I’m doing something that feels like work. Avoiding work is what attracted me to Standup in the first place and I’m not the most disciplined of people.

Also - I’m told visuals help break up the monotony of long posts so I decided to use the same picture of Jon Hamm and a German Shepard mix to ease your reading experience.

Let’s start here:

Should you record an album?

It's on you to know whether or not you’re ready. Just please be ready and don’t be the ‘I have three hours of material’ fraud carrying pounds of notebooks, but struggles to fill a fifteen-minute spot with consistent laughs.

Do you need something to sell on the road?

Clubs are paying less and less, no longer putting up Features in hotels, and having something to sell is almost a necessity just to cover gas. Headliners are even feeling the pinch trying to scrounge up more credits just so clubs will feel comfortable booking them over rising YouTube stars or that host of the Mr. Sexy Murder Podcast.

Do people want this?

Having an album feels cool and may con your parents into covering your rent while you pursue your dumb dreams, but nothing is going to put you down to reality harder than when you do all this hard work just to find out the eight friends who always ask ‘when’s your next show’ and never go – can’t seem to justify paying $10 for your ‘art’.

(Let’s all take a second to reflect on all the idiot musicians who are in the same boat, but with thousands of dollars of burdensome equipment they have to lug around. Lol art sucks)

Finally

Are you actively being sweet talked by industry and label heads looking to profit on all the years of work you already did by yourself? This is your best sign that you are ready. When industry leeches smell a hint of hope and money on you, ya know you have a shot of making a go at this.

Label vs. Self-Distribution

First the positives. If a label can’t contractually guarantee you plays on Sirius/XM radio and expose you to a large audience of new fans with contractually agreed payments for advertising and marketing in places that will get you seen – then you don’t really need a label. (Most don’t really do these things)

Here’s the nitty-gritty. I’m telling you from experience and with the same level of lazy blindness when it comes to taking control of this side of the work that – you don’t need a record label. In fact, most people don’t need record labels. We live in the future. If you’ve already recorded and edited an album, you can put it out on all the avenues the labels use and get 100% of the profit from your laptop.

“But Jay, doesn’t a Label sound cool to consumers?”

Get over yourself. No one cares anymore. You just want things that sound cool to give you validation. Fuck your validation. It’s not real. Just be good, it’ll be fine.

“But Jay, a label will promote me to a huge fan base! I’ll get new fans and lots more places will book me!”

Nope. That’s not really what they do. They may promise that to you and something like Comedy Central Records may be a giant boon, but if Comedy Central is releasing your album, you’re probably already getting exposure on the channel or getting writing work and in no way reading this.

Very few labels exist for ‘the love of comedy’. It’s about money. Labels make a money from a few physical sales, mostly digital sales and plays and some by getting the comics to buy their bulk physical copies through them.

Here’s the digital breakdown.

There’s a thing called Sound Exchange. And when your comedy gets played, a fraction of cents gets divided into two piles: The Producer and The Artist. Periodically you will get a check (usually quarterly) and the Producer will get an equal amount separate from you. Both checks are equal in amount. (I have a friend signed to one label who doesn’t even get his artist check. That goes to the label as well and it’s becoming a thing he has to try and legally negotiate with them about. There’s a ton of free-floating confusion about this stuff, ask questions)

The money is based on your popularity and for some it’s great, others not so much. Most people tell me the pay seems less and less every year. It’s almost like these streaming services are designed to profit off the artists as well as the general public. WEIRD!

Here’s what this means. Basically – you as an individual have a ceiling of worth. When you release your album – the first three days is when you will pretty much get all your sales. You’ll promote it, you’ll have toured and built up a fan base interested in buying it, and when you release it – all their enthusiasm will come together in a big sales push to support you. After that – they move on to the millions of other shit in their lives. Welcome to the future! It’s a pool of nonsense swirling with illusion and you’re a drop of water.

The Label will have got their heavy cut purely on your years of hustle and work, then pretty much move on to another because that’s their grind.

You see – while you get that Sound Exchange, they also get one AND another for as many artists as they can gobble up. It’s not in their financial interest to take the time and help you build your fan base.

It’s in their interest to profit off you doing that work and the hundreds of other comedians trying to do the same thing for themselves. You understand? You get one check, but their goal is to get hundreds.

That’s the game.

If you’re still looking for a Label to validate you, look at the Label’s previous history of artists and promotion. How many likes or shares do their posts get? Chances are – you get way more. That means the Label is most likely profiting off of you more than you from them. It might be a silly thing to view social media likes as a barometer of interest to some, but really – you know what a post advertising your album with three likes on their page vs. 200 on your own personal page means.

Look at the roster. Ask people you may know about their experiences. Research how often the Label’s been sued. Seriously, that’s a thing. I almost released on one label that had a giant roster of my favorite comedians, only to find out most were one-and-done and more than a few ended up in court over the label’s shenanigans.

The Contract:

No contract is the same as the other and I’m not a lawyer, but here’s some sample verbiage you need to familiarize yourself with as to what it means to your career.

“Recording Costs and Procedures.  Each LP will be recorded at the sole expense of Label. Recording expenses shall include engineering, production, equipment, tape, editing and mastering expenses. None of these expenses will be charged to Artist’s account, nor will they be recouped from Artist’s royalties. Subject to any necessary third-party approval, Label will be allowed to record any performance of Artist during the Term, provided that Label gives Artist at least seven days notice of its intent to record.”

What this is saying is that the label will take on the cost of hiring someone to bring all the necessary equipment to record your performance and then spend the time to edit and master it. You won’t ever be out of pocket for these expenses. This is a good and worthwhile thing as getting the best sound is crucial. However, what if the label hires someone who’s not good at this? Just because someone has a mic or two and a soundboard doesn’t mean they know how to record a proper standup show. I’ve heard many a mix where the audience is super quiet and the comedian very loud. This usually means that the sound person just mic’d up the comic and let the audience laughter bleed into his direct track. It’s lazy, poor quality and also doesn’t involve that much actual “mixing”.  Ask to hear the specific person recording’s previous work.

Just because they’re a professional Label, doesn’t guarantee you a professional recording! I’m looking at you Rooftop Records.

You need to make sure there’s a stage mic and that it’s recorded directly into the board, an area mic above the audience to capture their laughter and two mics towards the back wings of the crowd. Why so many? You want to get the best mix between the crowd and the comic to sound fresh on your album, but also able to tweak in the mix in case you need to hide an annoying weird laughter, somebody’s coughing fit, or worse – a drunken girlfriend trying to be supportive by answering all your rhetorical questions. All shit that can happen. All shit a proper sound engineer and label should expect if they actually care about you. Ask for it in your contract.

“Ownership of Recordings and Underlying Works.  All Recordings made by Label and released on any LP under this Agreement will be deemed “works made for hire” under the United States Copyright Act, and Label shall be the sole and exclusive owner of all right, title and interest in the Recordings, including all copyrights and reversions in the Recordings delivered by Artist under the terms of this Agreement.”

This means the Label owns your recorded material.

“Label, its successors, licensees and assigns shall have the exclusive worldwide right in perpetuity, to manufacture, sell, distribute, exhibit, publicize, market and advertise the Recordings by any means and in any format.”

The Label and anyone who buys their catalog can do whatever they want with it. It means if they want to put you on their ‘Now That’s What I Call Farts Vol. 5’ compilation – they can. You’ll still be owed money for listens and sales, but the label has this option. The keyword here that you have to be careful about is “in perpetuity” – that means forever. Permanent. You as an artist have the right to put a timetable on this. You can negotiate clauses. Just know, the likelihood of being on a NOW Farts compilation is highly unlikely.

“Notwithstanding the foregoing, Artist will retain all copyrights in the original material (i.e., all jokes, stories, comedic and other material included in Artist’s performance), provided that Artist agrees not to re-record any of the same material contained on LPs produced hereunder for release as an audio-only recording until 5 (FIVE) years shall have passed from the termination of this Agreement. Label will be the ‘publisher’ of the material and entitled to collect the publisher’s share of any analog public performance royalties payable to the publisher of the material. Artist will receive its own share of analog and digital public performance royalties and digital master public performance royalties directly from its affiliate performing rights organizations.”

Ok – this shit is important. It says that while you own your own words and act, if you re-record any of it again in a 5-year window, the Label is owed money. Which makes sense – why would they record you if you were to just put out other versions in a year? The “audio-only” is important as it gives you the right to film the material if you get that opportunity.

Say HBO gives you an hour special, or SeeSo rises from the dead to feast on your act – you SHOULD be good to go to record your act for video, but if they make an album out of it you may be stuck in litigation and have to pay the Label to buy yourself out. This could turn into a motherfucker. Ask questions. Write it down.

Look harder at these words: “until 5 (FIVE) years shall have passed from the termination of this Agreement.” Ask when the termination of this agreement ends. If there’s no set date - then that 5-year window doesn’t really matter. Its five years AFTER you both decide to end the agreement. Is it the date of release? The date of recording? This matters because – and this seriously happens – if you record your hour and they drag their feet in releasing it. That means they still own your material even if it never gets released. That’s that magical “in perpetuity” coming to fuck you. It’s a predatory language in a contract and if you’re currently stuck in one – may give you a legal way out of a bad deal. Again – not a lawyer, but you see why you may need one to go with the ‘convenience’ of a Label?

STORY TIME: say you record twenty minutes opening for someone else’s album recording and they get you to sign this deal saying they could get you some extra money if you’d like from online streaming. However – they never put it out and you don’t think twice about it because you’re a comedian, not a business nerd. Then – years later and after no communication with the label, your career starts to explode. You’re getting TV show stuff and decide to record your full hour and feel excited, but guess what – after years of silence, suddenly the Label dude announces that he owns that twenty minutes he oft handily recorded years ago and you can’t use any of it for the proper album you’d like to release. Not only that but for some reason, there was a clause in the contract you didn’t notice because “TL/DR” and now you owe the label three hour long albums! You know – that thing we all can just write and do. Then imagine you have to pay the Label that did nothing for you to let you go and because you seem successful, the asking price to buy you out suddenly becomes thousands and thousands of dollars.

This happens.

Now let’s look hard at the Term of Agreement.

“The Term of this Agreement will begin on the date on which it shall have been signed by both Label and Artist. The agreement will run for up to two (2) contract periods, one initial period, during which Artist will deliver one LP (LP1) and one (1) optional periods during which, if the option is exercised by Label at its sole discretion, Artist will deliver an additional LP (LP2). Within one year from the release date of each LP delivered hereunder, Label shall notify Artist in writing of its intent to exercise its option to record the next LP. The Term of this agreement will expire either: 1) nine (9) months after the release date of the last released LP; or, 2) when Label declines to exercise its option to record the next optional LP, whichever comes first.”

The word “period” is vague here. What measurement is a “contract period” much less two of them? At the end, it says “The Term of this agreement will expire either: 1) nine (9) months after the release date of the last released LP” meaning that it's over – only after the album is officially released. Meaning – in perpetuity – if not released. The other is a Label option for a second album after you record the first. That means the label can hold you to a second release even if you didn’t like how they handled the first, which may screw you if say you get interest from Comedy Central. Especially if you’re buyout clause from your agreement doesn’t have a set price like say $500 and a pizza.

Funny story. The above excerpt is from a contract that was sent to me by a stand-up record label. When I verbally agreed to work with them, I had specifically stated that the deal would be for one album with an artist option for a second. Meaning whether or not the process sucked or was good, I had the option to record another with them or not. However – they wrote it in the official contract as their option instead. Meaning I could be trapped in a bad deal owing them the second album.

Just because you agree in person means nothing if it’s not written down to reflect your spoken agreement.  Always put it in writing.

Artist’s Additional Rights.  

“Artist’s Right to Purchase Copies from Label.  Artist may also purchase an unlimited number of non-royalty bearing CD copies of the Recordings from Label for purposes of resale by Artist for Artist’s personal or promotional use at the price of five dollars ($5.00) per CD and ten dollars ($10.00) per LP, if manufactured by Label, (the “Artist Discount Rates”). Notwithstanding the foregoing, Label agrees to provide thirty (120) copies of the CD to Artist at no charge.”

This is about the physical copies. It means that if you’d like to sell them after your show you have to buy them from the Label. This is helpful because the label pays to have them made and you can sell them. However, $5 a copy? They are literally fucking you. There’s a whole bunch of services that charge way less to manufacture CD’s. (seen some as low as a $1 depending on quantity) Services the Label goes through themselves! That $5 is just another way the Label can profit off the comedians work.

Here’s a fun fact! It’s 2018 – who buys CD’s anymore? Do YOU buy CD’s? From experience, I’ve seen comedians sell less and less physical albums every year. Everything is about digital now. The audience wants to stream it and could give two fucks about physical copies after shows. They want T-Shirts. It sucks, but it’s true. Stand Up Comedy was invented by the T-Shirt companies to move product. If any label tries to push you into buying CD’s from them at $5 a pop – suspect everything they do.

Back story: In my contract, I negotiated down to $3.25, but found out from other people on the Label they were paying $5 while some were paying $3. This is shady shit and the Label head got super pissed we were talking to each other about it. Remember – If a Label head doesn’t want you talking to other artists about their contracts then they are trying to fuck you somewhere.

Digital Download Royalty Rates.  

“For each individual track from the Recordings (a “Single”) or complete album sold or streamed via Digital Download, Label will pay Artist a royalty equal to fifty (50%) of Label’s Net Receipts from such sale(s).  Label’s Net Receipts are defined as Label’s gross receipts from Digital Download sales of Artist’s Recordings, less any distributor charges for upload or file maintenance.”

Digital sales are everything you’re going to make here in the World of Tomorrow. That’s the bulk of what you get from iTunes, Bandcamp, Amazon, the whole bit. Here it says you get 50% of Net receipts from online sales.

Quick lesson: Gross sales are the grand total of all sale transactions reported in a period, without any deductions included within the figure. Net sales are defined as gross sales minus deductions.

Here’s what you need to iron out.

“…less any distributor charges for upload or file maintenance.”

Say your album is sold for $10. Well, iTunes can take 30 to 40% of your sales just for hosting it. That means you’re immediately making $6-7 on your album. Cut in half with the Label, 3 to $3.50. Think about this hard. Half your sales are going to a Label just because they spent an hour uploading it to a distribution site. Did the label bring you any extra sales or were they all from the audience you already created?

Did you not have the hour in your life to do it yourself?

Food for thought. Do you get your digital sales back after the agreement is over? Or does the label get 50% of your online sales (again the bulk of where you’ll make money) in perpetuity? This is a real thing that can happen if not written out. For instance, if you eventually get your album rights back – how will the Label transfer all your future sales back to you?

There’s a whole bunch more to this process, but essentially these things above are what you need to really get your head around. Some of you reading this may already be in bad contracts. You may have a few outs, depending on state laws and the verbiage. You may have good legal reasons to get out of it and take your career and art back into your hands from predators and dream fuckers. Talk to other comics, work together, it’s not that hard and most of you have nothing to lose.

They’re the ones with something to lose and us talking publically about these issues is how we protect ourselves from frauds.

Own your own hard work and make sure the people who get behind your talent are pushing it forward, instead of bleeding it out for their own profit.  

It sounds like you hate Labels, are you bitter?

I don’t hate labels, I hate frauds. My first album was put out by Sure Thing Records based out of Austin, TX. Not only are they good friends of mine, but also genuinely doing it for the sake of comedy. They gave me a great deal and were completely upfront with me about all the ins and outs, plus they had already signed comics I loved and respected. It was the perfect situation and if anyone asks me privately, I would recommend them wholeheartedly.

For my second release, I did it by myself for two reasons. One, because Sure Thing and I couldn’t match our release schedules (they put all their energy/promotion into one release at a time and were already releasing another) and two, I wanted to research how to do this alone specifically to show others who may not have had the options I had (or considering working with leeches), how to take control of this themselves.

It's crazy how there are so many options for comics to do this and yet we’re still resigned to banging our heads with car doors at the mere sound of handling business.

But Jay, how do I know if I can record an album by myself?No problem. Let’s go through that beat by beat.

Recording and mastering 

Do you know musicians? Podcasters? People who record with mics and equipment? Ask around. Get on Facebook and ask if anyone can help. This also helps in seeing if the general audience is hyped about you even doing an album. You will find plenty of people to talk to who’ll probably be down to do this. I was fortunate and had a friend named Jess who did professional commercial editing. He asked for $50, but I ended up paying him more because he was incredible and as obsessive as I was about the mix. Mastering is very important, but you can get that done later in the process. Stay tuned.

Pick a venue according to your audience needs. 

If you work mostly clubs, you’ll know which ones would love to have you record in their space, but keep in mind they’re pretty much bar/restaurants. You may not want the sound of waitresses barking orders or a random bridal party fucking up your shit. For my recording, I found a bar that had a separate basement that was carpeted so the sound wouldn’t bounce around like a warehouse. It fit 50 people comfortably and maxed out at 75.

Plan on two to three shows (four is most desirable). 

Hopefully, you got your shit down and can do a full hour, but that said – mistakes happen. Bad things always get in the way. Sometimes you’re sharper the second show because you were able to get your rhythm in the first. Or better yet – maybe you knock it out of the park the first show and can really relax and not be stressed out for the others. Maybe you think it sucks. You’ll probably think it sucks until you listen to it later and realize its fucking rad. Then – after tons of listens you’ll hate it and yourself again.

Promote.

Maybe do a suggested donation instead of an admission charge. You want the people who support you to come out excited to hear you record. Say it goes to pay for the recording. It's more legit then being one of those gofundme assholes.

After the recording.

Listen to it and mark notes if and when you hear a mistake or want to edit something out. Listen to all the shows. Pick what feels right. Do what matches your voice best. You or your editor can mix the tracks together on almost any audio program like Garageband, etc. Listen to it – take long breaks then come back to it. Don’t rush, you want to be proud of this thing that’s going to be in perpetuity. It’s your words, it’s your craft, whose hands do you want it to be in? Once you’re satisfied with the mix you’ll need to master. GET IT MASTERED. This makes the audio even without extreme volume peaks and quality for professional distribution.

I have my album and track listings, now what? 

You’ll need art. Put out the call on Facebook. Ask around, you probably know tons of artists or just use a clean headshot. I’ve designed tons of ideas on my phone just working with apps and being creative. Know anyone with photoshop skills? Put out the call, you’re friends want to help. Just don’t be too needy and reciprocate back. We all got to support each other. I was lucky to randomly scroll through Facebook and discover Brett Brock. He’s my favorite human being and a fantastic artist.

How do I self-release this thing I’m sick of now? 

There’s a ton of options and a lot of people have used sites like Tunecore and CD Baby. Both have their strengths and easy to research, but I’ll just cut the bullshit and recommend Distrokid. It was the simplest process, the best priced and gave me the options I needed for comedy. You literally upload your album and they host it for $19.99 a year. To put this into perspective, other places charge 2-3 times more to do the same thing. More perspective? No problem. For that $19.99 you can upload all the content you want, while the other places charge for each individual upload. Meaning that if you wanted to release multiple EP’s instead of one album, you still only pay $19.99 a year. Or pay $50 and Distrokid will never take it down if your membership lapses or you die. It’s kind of rad.Still want physical copies? No problem, there’s a ton of businesses who ship from everywhere in the country. I used https://www.affordablesound.com based out of Austin, TX and they were easy to work with. The price depends on the quantity you print, but keep in mind – people don’t really buy them anymore. 

Release Strategy

Ok, here comes some realities. What do you want out of this release? Only you can decide this. When you upload to Distrokid you can choose literally 150 or more platforms to put your album on. If its just about exposure then click all the boxes and have a drink, you’re done. If its about sales then I’d suggest not putting it out on Spotify or Pandora streaming sites as it means people will choose to do that over paying the $9.99 for your work. Later on, go ahead and steam it as you like. I waited a year myself, but before that I personally wanted to set a value to what I produced and genuinely feel streaming lessens the public’s perception of what you do. 

The fact is people don’t really want to pay for shit. Also - most of the people I know are broke, but that said - its up to you what your album is worth. There’s nothing wrong with saying your work is worth $10 and then putting it up on YouTube etc after a year as you move on to the next project. If your goal is to rank on iTunes, then make that push and promote the hell out of it on release day. I did that for my first album and got the #1 credit that pretty much no one cares about and does nothing for your career. For my second release, I first went through Bandcamp before Distrokid. I got paid quicker and got to see who and where was buying the album. It rocked, was easy and they only took 15% of each sale. You have to link it with Paypal and I’d advise paying the $10 to go with Bandcamp Pro. This will help you keep it from being a streaming release (and you can cancel after your sales die off). However, most people would rather click the ‘Buy’ button on iTunes and Amazon instead of filling out the credit card information on Bandcamp so eventually, you’re going to have to put it up through Distrokid anyways. You have options. Above all else make a list and look at what resources you have in your own community and decide for yourself what direction you’d like best to go. When do I see money from iTunes, Amazon, etc?

If you are on a label or doing it solo it takes 3-4 months to get your sales information back (unless you exclusively go through Bandcamp). Distrokid keeps track and will help you get paid. Do you work for Distrokid?

No. It was just so easy and convenient to use especially for standup that for the price and speed of service, I was pretty grateful they were an option.

Is this post just a way to promote your own shit?

Nope. This isn’t one of those dumb marketing things. Its just information for you to use or not. No twitter handles or links here.Most likely I’ll go back and edit this as more people either correct me or provide extra information that’s helpful to comics.

I hope this helps.

 Jay Whitecotton is a stand Up comedian from San Antonio, TX now living in Austin. He’s written columns for magazines without any journalistic credibility – toured professionally as a guitarist, despite no lessons – and sold a script that was never made into a movie… – He likes dragons. His album “Hi, Lonesome!” & “Monster Ballads” are available on iTunes, Bandcamp, Amazon and wherever fine albums are found.