#also having a GED does not make you stupid i promise i apologize

[aforgotto]

[maybeimamuppet]

how to win friends

hi friends!! happy (belated, I'm sorry!) mean girls day!! please enjoy this little bonus drabble :)))

cw for violence/blood (and please let me know if i've missed anything!!)

enjoy!

-----

Janis isn’t a big fan of first grade.

She likes the work. She likes learning to read bigger words and longer books, likes learning about clouds and planets and bugs in science. She’s not particularly fond of math, but it has its moments. She loves art class and recess, and lunch and music.

It’s the other kids that are the problem. Janis has always been quiet and shy. She doesn’t like confrontation, and making new friends is always tough. Her best friend Regina from dance class goes to another school, and Regina usually does the talking for her. So Janis just sits in her spot and does her work. At least her teachers all say she’s a pleasure to have in class.

-

In December, they have their first indoor recess of the year due to cold. Janis decides to spend it drawing a picture of a lion for her new baby sister.

She looks up when she hears raised voices coming from the table next to her, where some boys are playing with legos. “Girls are weak! My dad said so.”

Well, that can’t be right. Janis’ mom always says girls are the strongest people on the planet, and Janis shouldn’t listen when someone tells her she can’t do something just because she’s a girl. So Janis stands up and marches her way over.

“No they’re not! We’re just as strong as any stinky boy,” she huffs, crossing her arms.

“Nuh uh!” The boy replies. “You can’t even punch! You’re just a girl.”

Janis clenches a fist in frustration. Can’t punch, huh? She looks down at it thoughtfully. Her stepdad always says to keep her thumb out, so she carefully moves it. Squeezes her fingers a little tighter. And then she swings.

“Ow!” The boy yells, covering his nose with a hand. It’s covered in blood when he pulls it away again, so he puts it back with a frightened squeak. Everyone around starts making noises and frantically calling for their teacher.

“What is going on over here?” the teacher demands, marching up to the both of them.

“Uh oh,” Janis whispers. She��s done it now.

“Both of you, main office, now,” the teacher says, pointing to the door. “Janis, I expected better from you.”

Janis bows her head in shame and leaves the room, followed by the boy leaving a trail of blood behind him.

-

The office calls Janis’ and the boy’s parents to come pick them up. Janis sits next to him on the scratchy seats in the office, elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.

The boy has now been equipped with tissues to stop the blood, but his nose is broken. Janis is even more afraid when she learns that means he’ll have to go to the hospital for it to get fixed.

“Whad’s your nabe?” the boy asks kindly. Janis looks up at him in confusion.

“Janis,” she murmurs. “I’m Janis.”

“I’b Dabian,” the boy replies, holding out a hand to shake. Janis winces at the blood on it, so he wipes it on his pants before holding it out again.

“Dabian?”

“No, Dabian,” Damian replies. “Wid an eb.”

“Oh, Damian,” Janis says. Damian nods.

“You punch good,” Damian says. “Wanna be frie’ds?”

Janis nods eagerly. “Yeah.”

“Okay. You can sid next to me toborrow.”

“Thanks,” Janis grins.

“Hey, we’re missing da sabe teef!” Damian says, smiling to show off his own missing teeth. Sure enough, they’re both missing their top front teeth and one on the bottom.

“We’re like twins,” Janis giggles. Damian nods eagerly.

“Yeah!” He cheers. “Whad do you like to do?”

“Uh… I like to color,” Janis says. “And read. And dance.”

“I dance too!” Damian gasps. “I do tap dance!”

“I do ballet,” Janis says. “Maybe we can do tap dance together!”

“Yeah! Ask your mom!”

“I will. If I’m not in big trouble,” Janis huffs. “Does your nose hurt?”

“A liddle,” Damian nods. “You punch bery hard.”

“My mom taught me to. And my stepdad,” Janis replies sheepishly.

“What’s a sdepdad?” Damian asks. Janis bristles slightly, but she knows he’s not trying to be mean.

“My real daddy died when I was four,” she explains. “And then my mama got married again. Her new hubsand is my stepdad.”

“Oh.” Damian says. “Did you getta go to da wedding?”

“Yeah. I had to wear this big dress, it was so itchy,” Janis huffs, shuddering at the mere memory of her hellacious gown. “I was the flower girl. But I got to stay up super late! And there was a lot of chocolate.”

“Ooooh,” Damian says in awe. “I lub chocolate.”

“Me too,” Janis giggles. “My mama drinks this… uh… I forget the name, but it’s like hot chocolate mixed with coffee. It’s sooo yummy.”

“I’b neber had cobee,” Damian says sadly. “My mom won’d led me. She days id’ll gib me too much edergy. And she days I already gots too much.”

“Mama only lets me try a little bit,” Janis agrees. “Maybe you could come to my house and try some. And you can meet my baby sister!”

“You hab a sisder?”

“Uhhuh. She’s just a baby, but she can already play with me,” Janis says. “But she still eats all the drawings I make for her. Her name is Julie.”

“She dounds cude,” Damian says. “I don’ hab any brudders or sisders.”

“They’re really loud,” Janis sighs. “Julie cries aaaaaall night. Mama says babies are kinda a pain, but then they grow bigger and it’s better.”

“My mom days I was already too buch,” Damian says. “Bud she days we mighd ged a dog soon instead.”

“I’ve never had a dog,” Janis sighs. “I had a fish, but he died. But I think cats are better anyway.”

“Bud dogs are so cude!”

“Yeah, but they’re so… wet,” Janis shudders. “So much slobber.”

Damian seems to consider this, and nods. “Cads are cude too.”

They both look up when they hear the door to the building open, and look out to see a man there. Janis hunches her shoulders up slightly. “Uh oh.”

“Whad oh?” Damian asks.

“It’s my stepdad,” Janis whispers.

“Oh. Is he mean?”

Janis nods. “He’s nice to Mama. And my baby sister. But he doesn’t like me very much.”

“Oh. Thad’s stupid.”

Janis gasps in dismay, as if he’s just said the most vile profanity known to man. But after a moment’s thought, she nods. “It is stupid.”

Damian giggles as she claps her hands over her mouth and looks around to make sure nobody else heard. “I don’ dink my dad likes me very much eidder. I’ll prodect you.”

“Thanks, Damian,” Janis says. “I’ll protect you from your dad.”

“Thanks,” Damian says. “Oh, dat’s my mom!”

“Oh, my poor boy,” Damian’s mom tuts as she comes barreling in, crouching down in front of Damian and assessing his nose. “What happened?”

“According to their teacher, Janis here punched him,” the secretary helpfully informs her.

“Janis Sarkisian,” Janis’ stepdad says angrily, also stepping into the room. Janis hunches further into herself in fright. “You need to apologize to this boy before we take you home.”

“No,” Damian says. “She proobed me wrong, she doesn’t hab to say sorry. I said girls couldn’t punch.”

“She certainly showed you,” Damian’s mom chuckles.

“Janis is duper cool, sir,” Damian continues. “She shouldn’t be in drouble.”

Janis’ stepdad hums thoughtfully. “We’ll talk about this with your mother at home.”

“See you toborrow!” Damian waves as Janis is hauled out the door.

“I don’t know about that, bud,” his mother chuckles. “Noses take a few days to fix, you might have to stay home tomorrow.”

“Bud I just med Janis!” Damian pleads. “I gotta cobe toborrow so we can be frie’ds!”

“We’ll see what the doctor says. Maybe we can set up a playdate soon if you can’t come to school,” his mother chuckles, ruffling his hair. “Let’s go get your nose fixed.”

Damian hops up and grabs his backpack, following his mom and chattering away about his new best friend forever.

—-

Damian is, miraculously, back at school the next day. He’s sporting a dashing splint and two black eyes, and is awed over by the other kids all morning.

But he keeps his promise and saves a seat for Janis. He helps her at science time, and Janis helps him with reading. They work together in art class that day to make a masterpiece of a clay turtle, and make the coolest snowman ever on the playground at recess.

“Did you get in trouble yesterday?” Damian asks as he heaves to lift the head onto it.

“Yeah. I’m not allowed to watch TV for a week,” Janis replies, hunting for the best pebbles for his buttons. “But Mama gave me a high five too.”

“Grownups don’t make sense,” Damian sighs. Janis holds out a handful of stones she’s found. “Those are good rocks.”

“I think so too,” Janis smiles, patting them into place with her little mittened hands. “Oh, and Mama said I can do tap dance class! She’s gonna sign me up next week.”

“Awesome!” Damian yells, bouncing up and down. “Wait, do we go to the same dance school?”

“Mama says there’s only one nearby,” Janis shrugs. “I know Mama’s phone number, you can give it to your mama and then they can make sure.”

“Okay,” Damian shrugs. “Come on, let’s see if lost and found has any hats!”

————-

ten years later

“Hey Dame?” Janis asks, cuddled up with her best friend on his bed and looking at the new playbills they’ve just finished adding to his wall.

“Hmm?”

“Sorry I broke your nose.”

Damian bursts out laughing. “It’s okay. Sorry I said you couldn’t punch.”

Janis smiles and ruffles his hair. “It’s okay.”

Because that was the best thing that ever happened to me.