#also have the elite four done. no one else lol

[hotchley]

the waiting game

Lol, my laptop is at 2%. Look, I’ll be back in an hour to do my masterlist, I just really, really need to get this done because it should’ve been done many months ago.

It’s fine. Umm... yeah, nothing else to say :)

Trigger Warnings: child abuse, references to child abuse, death threats from a parent, bombings

read on ao3!

Jason Gideon always told new recruits that certain things about their jobs got easier with time and experience. He told them their hands would remain steady when they fired a gun and that the noise would not always make them flinch. He told them they would get used to late-night calls and sleepless nights. that they wouldn’t always find it so difficult when the people they loved walked away, unable to handle not knowing what was going to happen.

A lot of things about their job got easier.

The waiting game only got harder.

Because you learnt things

Gideon had been on the team longer than the other members put together. he knew what happened when each of his members ended up in the hospital. He’d made a point of taking Reid each time, just so he could be sure his order of events was correct.

Adrian Bale meant he’d had six less agents to remember.

That was supposed to have been the last time Aaron Hotchner ended up in the hospital, unconscious and barely breathing. Gideon had vowed to himself that no matter how difficult it was, Hotch would make it home to Haley and Jack every night.

But he’d failed.

Aaron hadn’t wanted Elle going home. he’d taken her to the same hotel Haley was in. Elle had felt a little uncomfortable being in the adjoining room, but her discomfort quickly faded. Haley seemed used to looking after Aaron’s second family and Jack was still willing to be held by strangers.

He’d swung by her place to make sure it was safe.

It hadn’t been, but he was the best shot in the BAU. No, not just the BAU, the entire Quantico building. He was so good that when he demanded that they passed Reid with flying colours, nobody questioned him.

There had been- in his words- a small scuffle but he was fine.

Everyone was too exhausted to argue or even notice. But Gideon knew he should’ve said something. He’d known Aaron Hotchner since he had been dragged in by David Rossi, somehow bright-eyed and cynical at the same time.

He should’ve known Aaron was more hurt than he was willing to let on. He always was. and he should have realised before he sent him into another building that contained an innocent civilian and somebody that they couldn’t really profile. Somebody that they couldn’t plan the endgame of.

It felt like Adrian Bale all over again.

Only everyone had known Aaron was going to survive the moment he pulled the oxygen mask off his face, demanded to know who was representing Bale in his trial before passing out again.

Now... none of that could be confirmed.

He hadn’t been able to stay conscious enough to ask for Haley.

“Tell me what happened,” he asked again. Morgan and Reid had refused the other six times he’d asked them. Six hours Hotch had been in the hospital. He still wasn’t awake.

“Gideon this isn’t going to help anyone, least of all you,” Morgan sighed.

“Tell me,” he demanded.

“He was carrying Rebecca out of the building because it was on fire. Then he suddenly dropped her on the grass and keeled over, one hand pressed to his side. Morgan grabbed Rebecca, got her out. I tried to help Hotch, but he told me to run. And I did. And then the building exploded and-”

And that was when he’d got the phone call from Reid. Morgan had phoned the ambulance the moment Hotch fell. Reid had phoned Gideon, barely able to string two sentences together. It was as though his eidetic memory and IQ had just been taken from him.

Reid looked away, unable to say another word. His cheeks were stained with tears, his foot-tapping the only comfort he was able to provide himself.

“He wouldn’t have got hurt if I’d gone home,” Elle whispered.

“You can’t blame yourself,” JJ murmured, but she sounded distant. Like she was trying to stay in liaison mode but couldn’t. She hadn’t even been with the BAU for a year the last time Hotch had ended up in the hospital. She’d been terrified then. Now she just looked tired.

“You shouldn’t blame yourself,” Gideon added, wishing he could see what was going on. But the door to the room Hotch was in had been closed, the curtains pulled around. “If you’d gone home, in the state you were in, you wouldn’t have won. It’d be you in there, and Hotch would be pacing outside blaming himself.” Besides, he thought to himself. The only person that should be blaming themselves was him. He was supposed to have Hotch’s back. He was the one that was supposed to be able to read all his tells without even having to try and profile him.

Hotch was still in surgery. In all the cases that had ended with Hotch landing himself in the hospital, the surgeries had been minor. When Adrian Bale had struck, he’d spent four hours in surgery. In Gideon’s opinion, the injuries sustained from that had been more serious.

Hotch had been in surgery for six and a half hours. That didn’t fit the pattern. It didn’t fit the pattern and Gideon knew this time that it wasn’t a good thing.

 “You shouldn’t blame yourself either,” a soft voice said from behind them.

“Haley,” he whispered.

Haley gave them all a hesitant smile. It was clear she’d been sobbing and was only being held together by the thinnest thread. “How are you all holding up?”

The laugh Garcia let out was slightly hysterical. “Mrs Hotchner, we’re not important. You are. So is your husband. How are you doing?”

The corners of her mouth turned downwards. “I don’t feel like it’s hit me yet. I’ve known for a very long time there’s a chance he won’t come down and I’ve always prepared for that, but it just doesn’t feel real. I keep expecting him to walk out that door with his arm in a sling and a goofy smile because of the pain medication.”

“We’ll be here when it does hit. And we’ll help in any way we can,” JJ promised.

Haley nodded, shaking as she wrapped her arms around herself. “I know. Aaron always said that he wasn’t afraid of dying. Not when he knew his team would be there to tell Jack stories and stop me from resenting the only piece of him that I would have left.”

“Where is the little one?” Morgan asked, both to lighten the mood and to change the subject. They’d never realized how much Hotch loved them all. How much he trusted them.

“With my sister. We didn’t- after Boston- oh my god, it’s just like Boston isn’t it? He’s going to, he won’t- I-” she whimpered, the dam finally breaking.

It was Garcia that reacted first. It was a stark contrast, Penelope’s brightness against the subdued pastels of Haley’s pajamas- and Gideon wanted to be sick, she must have been ready to go to sleep when she got the phone call- but it was needed.

When Garcia pulled away, not quite letting go, Haley wiped her eyes.

“I’m sorry. It’s just, after Boston, we agreed that Jack- we hadn’t picked his name then, god it feels like yesterday, that we wouldn’t let him see us in the hospital. We wanted to let him believe his parents were invincible for as long as possible.”

Gideon knew that promise. he also knew that Hotch had promised to step down once Gideon returned. He had been selfish when he’d asked him not to.

“He’ll make it out,” Elle said.

She hadn’t witnessed Adrian Bale’s attack on Gideon. That’s how she was able to stay so positive. But everyone else had. They’d watched as twenty-two civilians had been taken hostage, as Hotch had gone into the building to try and negotiate with him, despite Gideon explicitly forbidding him to do so because Haley was waiting at home for him.

That was the one and only time Hotch’s anger had been directed at a member of the team. His eyes had darkened, his voice pitched lower than they’d ever heard it. He’d looked Gideon in the eye, no longer the scared recruit, and told him to go fuck himself.

He’d walked into the building. Without a vest. The only weapon being the gun in the holster that was attached to his belt. One of the hostages had been forced to take it from him. Aaron had given them the same encouraging smile he gave to all the victims they saved, to all the distraught family members that were scared of being the cause of their loved one’s end. 

Adrian Bale had taken one look at him and laughed. That had thrown Hotch off. He had thought that seeing the lead profiler of the elite BAU team would make him sweat and give him what he wanted. He said as much.

Adrian Bale said that when he looked at Aaron Hotchner, he didn’t see the lead profiler or bad cop. He didn’t see the head of the Seattle field office or one of the best shots SWAT had ever seen. He didn’t even see the hotshot prosecutor he’d began as.

Aaron asked him what he did see.

Bale’s response haunted everyone. He said he saw a boy too afraid of his own feelings to ever truly love anyone. He said the only reason Hotch had walked in was because he was too much of a coward to leave his pregnant wife but if he died in the line of duty, well that was different. He said Aaron loved Jason Gideon and all he wanted was his approval.

The camera was grainy, but the tremble in Aaron’s hands was unmistakable.

Morgan had tried to run in. It was Gideon’s arm that had stopped in. It was Gideon that had said they needed to wait to get Hotch out. It was Gideon that had misread Aaron’s body language and sent six of his best agents in.

They didn’t need eidetic memories to have the look of complete fear on Gideon’s face when Hotch was blown away branded in their brain forever. Or the scream he’d released when they finally uncovered the body, the rise and fall of his chest barely noticeable. Or to remember how Haley had arrived two days later because of problems with flight bookings, face devoid of any colour, the swell of her stomach a stark reminder of everything that would be lost if Hotch didn’t pull through.

Elle Greenaway only knew SSA Hotchner: the man that stared down unsubs, barked orders at everyone, carried a back-up weapon because he was just that good and never smiled. She didn’t know him as Aaron, the man that hated hospitals so much that every time he regained consciousness, the doctors had been forced to sedate him for his own benefit. Or that the only person that had been able to touch him was Haley, his mouth trying to form her name but never making it past the first syllable, despite all his years of spinning stories to a jury.

Or that the only reason Hotch carried a back-up was because very few people would notice it was there. John Blackwolf had thrown him off, made him doubt again. Gideon had found it difficult to convince him everything was fine, so he didn’t. He just dropped him home to Haley and watched from his car as Hotch became Aaron, falling apart in Haley’s arms.

“I know,” Haley whispered, pulling Gideon from his memories. 

“Would you like anything to drink? I can go and grab you a coffee if you want,” he said, needing to do something other than watch his team fall to pieces. Aaron was the one that sat and reminded them they were human, that it wasn’t their fault. It was the reason they would call him mom. Gideon was just there.

Haley shook her head. “I want you to be here. In case you’re needed.”

Because of course he would be. Haley Hotchner was Aaron’s wife, so she was automatically listed as his medical proxy. But Aaron never wanted her to be burdened by his job any more than she already was. Which meant if something happened in the field. the doctors were to automatically defer to Gideon. Haley was consulted if it was something non-case related.

“Of course,” he said, as though it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Excuse me? Are you all here for Aaron Hotchner?”

“Yes,” Haley said, the first to find their voice as the profilers tried to work out whether the news they were about to be given was good or bad.

“He’s out of surgery, there were no complications there and we’ve got him through the worst of it. But he’s still not woken up, and his breathing is shallow, hence the reason we haven’t taken him off the ventilator yet. So as much as we want to hope for the best, I want you to understand there is a chance he may not make it. His body has been put through a lot in the past year.”

Gideon did not want to think about every injury Hotch had been forced to suffer through since returning. The collar of his shirts had never quite hidden the bruised skin where Perotta had touched him.

“Can we see him?” Haley asked. She looked so young. So vulnerable. Gideon swallowed. She’d never been forced to hide her emotions the same way Hotch had. She’d never been afraid of being profiled. He doubted she ever had been, Hotch was too honourable.

“My colleagues are still treating him. I think it’d be better if we waited until he woke up. You should all get some rest, you look exhausted.”

Haley shook her head. “I’d like to be here.”

“Of course,” the doctor said, turning on their heel and walking away again.

“I’m just going to phone Jessica and ask her to keep Jack for a little longer,” she said, voice trembling.

Everyone nodded and chose not to comment when Haley vanished for ten minutes, returning with red-rimmed eyes.

“He trusted me to save his life when I hadn’t even passed my gun qualification,” Reid said suddenly.

“I know. He told me about that. He said he knew you could do it, that it would just take a bit of a patience and maybe an extremely stressful situation. Apparently, you do your best work under intense terror. Not that he wanted the two of you to end up hostages He also blamed himself when you didn’t pass. Thought he’d scared you so much when you were practicing that you got in your head and just forgot everything, even though that’s impossible,” Haley responded.

Reid’s head jerked up in response. “He actually said that to you?”

Haley nodded. “He tells me about all of you. He sees Sean- you met him didn’t you, yes you did- in you. You’re both young. Got the whole world to explore and yet you chose to do the one thing nobody expected.”

“I bet he always has bad stories about me,” Morgan teased. 

“He trusts you. More than you think he does. And he wants you to trust him as well. He doesn’t listen when I say you do; you just show it in a different way. All you profilers show things in a different way. That’s what I’ve learnt. That there are some things you will never see the same way.”

“What does he say about me?” Elle asked, genuinely curious. She’d only met Haley in passing; the day they bought Jack in. And the time they’d spent in the hotel could hardly count.

“A lot. He’s scared this job is going to take your sense of humour away. He thinks that you’re going to wake up one day and hate him for letting this job consume your life. He worries about all of you though.”

“He worries about all of us?” that was JJ. 

“Of course. He thinks that he’s taking your chances at happiness away from you by calling you in at ungodly hours, disrupting your vacations, making you look at what happens to happy couples and innocent children- I really shouldn’t say anymore I just always assumed you knew.”

“We don’t profile team members,” Elle said, slightly defensive.

“I didn’t think you did. I just assumed he spoke to you,” Haley said, but there was no accusation in her tone. Just the smallest amount of surprise and confusion.

The members of the team started staring awkwardly in various directions, suddenly aware of how little Hotch actually shared with them. Only Morgan had even known Sean existed, and that was only because he’d knocked on the office door that one time.

Loud shouts from the room Hotch was in drew their attention. Everyone immediately stood, Haley and Jason moving forward so they would be the first person the doctor spoke to. They were too far away to determine the specifics of the conversation, but from the volume and range of voices they could hear told him it was a group of doctors and nurses.

The shouting stopped soon after though, and Gideon immediately knew that the silence could only mean that Hotch had been sedated. A part of him was glad the other man had woken up, but he was mostly wondering it that was the last time it would happen.

A few minutes passed. Garcia was humming to herself. Morgan was sat, staring at the wall, eyes glazed over as he ran through every moment that led up to the explosion. JJ was biting her nails. Gideon wanted to tell her to stop but he couldn’t. That was what Hotch did. Haley tugged her hand away and grasped it. Elle placed her hand on Reid’s knee. He stopped tapping his foot, looking up at her with the same confused look he wore when someone referenced pop culture. Elle smiled slightly. Gideon stood to the side. He didn’t deserve them.

The same doctor as before exited the room.

“He keeps asking after his father,” she said. 

Haley immediately jumped out of her chair and went over before Gideon could get a single word out. Hotch had never mentioned his father after ending up in the hospital. Sometimes he asked if Sean was safe. Most of the time he asked for Haley. Never once had he mentioned his parents. Jason did not know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, but despite every part of him wanting to hope, he knew he was aware of the answer and that he was just too cowardly to admit it

“You have to let me in there,” she said.

“Mrs Hotchner with all due respect-”

“No. I know my husband’s medical history. You can’t keep sedating him, not when he needs to be conscious to answer your questions and not when there are only so many drugs his body can handle. But he isn’t asking after his father because he loves him. He’s asking where he is because he thinks he needs to work out how much more time he’s got before he needs to start pretending again. Let me in there, and he’ll cooperate.”

The doctor seemed to understand that there was no way they’d be able to win that particular battle. They sighed, then extended one arm to the door. Haley ran into the room, everyone else congregating outside.

“The painkillers will wear off in a few minutes,” the doctor told them all.

Haley nodded, immediately going to kneel beside Hotch’s bed, gently taking one hand and holding it tight, He was paler than anyone had ever seen him. His stomach was a mess of bruises and burns, some recent, others marks from a childhood that never should have happened.

Gideon watched, tears forming in his eyes. Hotch looked younger with his eyes closed. The pressures of the year seemed to fade, only to be made even clearer by the damage not covered by the hospital gown.

“Why isn’t he waking up?” Reid asked, five minutes later. His voice was shaky.

Haley’s grip tightened minutely. “Baby?” she whispered.

Aaron didn’t move. His heartrate remained steady, the beeping of the monitor the only sound that filled the room.

The doctors and nurses were preparing to do the rest of what they needed to do. Gideon felt his own heart slowing down. Aaron’s heart was beating but his eyes weren’t opening and the rise and fall of his chest was a shallow as when they’d first found him after Bale and none of this fit the pattern-

“I didn’t mean it, I swear, none of this was supposed to happen-” Aaron murmured, head rolling to the side.

Haley gasped and let go of his hand, just for a moment, before she realised what she’d done and grasped it again. “Aaron?”

Aaron’s eyes fluttered open.  He struggled to keep them like that. “Where am I?” he whispered, southern accent coming out slightly.

That fit the pattern of his recovery.

“Mr Hotchner, you’re in Lockhart Hospital. Can you tell me your birth name and date of birth?” a nurse asked, voice firm but gentle.

“Hospital? No, I can’t be in the hospital, he’ll find me. He said he’ll kill mama and make me watch but I swear I didn’t come here myself, where is he, I can’t let him hurt them, I can’t-”

One of the members of staff prepared an injection.

“Don’t,” Haley warned, shifting closer to him.

“Mrs Hotchner-”

“Just a moment. I promise. Hey sunshine. It’s me. It’s Haley. You’re safe, I promise. He can’t hurt you. He’s dead now. He’s not here, and nobody is going to hurt you. Everybody just wants you to get better. Your team are here. You remember them right? Agent Gideon, Doctor Reid. Garcia and Morgan and JJ and Elle? Yes, you remember them. Well they’re all waiting for you to recover because they love you. I love you too. And nobody is going to hurt you. Do you understand?”

“Haley?” Aaron whispered.

Haley nodded. “I’m right here sunshine. And I’ll be right here when you’re ready to recover. So take a deep breath with me, that’s so good, I’m so proud of you sunshine, just keep doing that. Are you going to close your eyes? Okay. Just please wake- when you wake up, remember that you’re safe. Can you do that for me?”

“Safe,” Aaron repeated as his eyes closed, unable to take the pain he must’ve still been in.

Haley didn’t let go of her husband. 

One of the nurses tapped her shoulder then quietly asked if she’d be okay waiting outside as they prepared the room for the next time he woke up, as they were no longer keeping him sedated and he seemed to be breathing himself, which meant they could move on.

Haley nodded and let go of Hotch’s hand. When she faced the team, Garcia immediately embraced her, and she started crying again.

“Let’s go back to the waiting room,” Gideon said, unable to handle the sight any longer. Garcia didn’t let go of Haley, choosing instead to wrap her arm around her as they left. 

“When Aaron was seventeen, his dad broke his arm and then refused to let him go to the hospital. He passed out in the middle of a lesson the next day and the school were forced to call an ambulance. He didn’t become coherent till they got there, and he wouldn’t stop screaming. I’d snuck in and was the only person he wouldn’t flinch away from,” she said once they’d all sat down.

Elle’s jaw dropped. Garcia started crying herself. Morgan looked away. JJ and Reid grabbed each other’s hands. They’d all assumed something had gone on in Hotch’s childhood- he never spoke about his family, he was always rougher with unsubs that they profiled as being abusive fathers- but there was a difference between making the inference and hearing it from the person that knew him best.

“He’s lucky to have you,” Jason commented.

“Allowing him to feel his emotions and letting him know that he’s safe is doing the bare minimum,” Haley said.

He didn’t have a comeback to that.

Thirty minutes passed before the doctor came back. It was good news. The profilers could tell. 

“He’s awake and stable enough to receive visitors now,” they said.

Everyone jumped out.

“Go on,” Gideon said to Haley, who dashed into the room and hugged her husband.

He made a small sound of discomfort, but still tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Hi Haley,” he whispered.

She laughed, sitting on the bed beside him. “You’re okay.”

He nodded. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

The rest of the team filed into the room. Reid looked ready to cry again.

“Spencer, you cannot blame yourself. I told you to run because I wanted you to, and if you hadn’t, I’d be furious at you for always trying to be the hero. Elle, the same goes for you. I took you to the hotel. Nobody asked me to go to your house, so stop looking at me like I’m about to break. I’ll be fine,” he said. 

Hospital painkillers had always made him lose his filter.

Garcia started laughing. “I’m sorry, it’s not funny, but sir your accent is coming through and it’s so hard to take you seriously when you’re laid up in bed with your hair all mussed and your accent but you’re still trying to tell them off and, it’s just, it’s confirmation you’re going to be fine.”

Hotch gave her a grin. Haley ran her hand through his hair, messing it up further.

“Thanks Hotch,” Reid said. He rocked on the balls of his feet for a few moments before muttering something that sounded suspiciously like fuck it and he too went and hugged Hotch. Haley shifted slightly. Hotch raised his arms to wrap around Reid’s back.

“Everything will be fine,” he whispered. “I promise.”

Reid pulled back with tears in his eyes but a smile on his face.

“No more close calls like that. You hear me?” Morgan chastised, patting Hotch’s shoulder.

Hotch rolled his eyes. “You aren’t the boss of me Morgan. I’m the boss of you.”

“Aaron,” Haley said.

He blushed, making everyone laugh. “Fine.”

The women of the team came over. Elle gave him a quick one-armed hug, whispering in Spanish so the rest of the team didn’t understand. Hotch wiped his eyes when she went to stand by the others. JJ hugged him gently, saying that he didn’t get to terrify them like that because he was mom and they needed him. Garcia’s heels made a comically loud sound as she walked over to him. 

“You are the most self-destructive unit chief I know. But you’re also the most handsome, loving, sweet one as well. And I know you won’t stop putting your life on the line for our baby genius and chocolate thunder so let’s compromise: you can do dumb and reckless things but you’re not allowed to complain when we pamper you afterwards, okay?”

Hotch blinked a few times. “Sure Garcia.”

Garcia hugged him again, pressing a kiss to his forehead that left a pink mark behind. Haley laughed, which led to the analyst immediately shuffling over to the rest of their rag-tag family.

Gideon watched from the doorway as the rest of his team and Haley sat with Hotch, laughing and joking. He couldn’t bring himself to walk in there and comfort Hotch. Not when it had all been his fault. The team had saved an innocent girl. Hotch had pulled through again. There was a high that came with that, and he wasn’t about to ruin it for any of them.

But what happened when the high ran out?

 Elle would realise her leader wasn’t the stoic man she once thought he was. Spencer and Derek would be forced to help Hotch pour his coffee and climb the stairs to his office because he couldn’t do it alone but he didn’t want to ask. Garcia would go home to an empty apartment, wondering which one of her family she’d almost lose next. JJ would have to deal with the media fallout of the case.

Haley would hold her husband, wondering how much more he would be able to give to his job before he broke. Before it broke them. Aaron would have more scars that he’d never be able to recover from.

Gideon would be forced to watch as they all returned to work, scared fractured but incapable of walking away. David Rossi had always said there would be people waiting in the wings to take over, but Gideon didn’t agree. Only the people that had seen the depths of depravity were willing to put themselves through the horrors of profiling.

Aaron looked up and met Gideon’s eyes. He looked terrified.

Gideon smiled. He had to.

But he knew. 

He knew Elle would break. He could see she was already struggling with the guilt. He knew that one day, probably soon, he wouldn’t be able to look at his team without seeing their scars or the people he’d failed.

He knew Haley wouldn’t be able to handle her husband’s job forever.

Jason Gideon knew that each member of his team would fall in their own way. He did not know whether or not they would be able to get up. He did know, however, that it would be another round of the waiting game.

And it would only get harder. 

[jalapeno-princess]

Chapter 4: Rest Of My Life

Mark Tuan X Reader

Part 4 of the “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” series

Genre: THE SAPPIEST AND CUTEST OF FLUFF (tiniest hints of angst) (horny ass Mark)

Word Count: 14K (Honestly it felt so much longer)

Summary: In every relationship, there are ups and downs. However, after every rainstorm, there is a rainbow. (I fucking hated how cheesy that was I just don’t want to give anything away LOL)

A/N: Finally I am done with this chapter UGH this one took longer to write but yet I feel like it’s the most rushed and repetitive one yet I’m actually not at all happy with how this turned out and there was a lot of fillers in some parts and literally nothing in other parts I just wanted to finish it I’m sorry if it didn’t turn out the way you all would have hoped. By the way, all of your comments on chapter three about who is behind the door made me laugh your minds are so creative I hope you all are happy with who is actually behind the door. I’m both happy and sad that this story is coming to an end (happy because there are so many other stories I can’t wait to write but sad af because I genuinely love this story it’s my first series and I just love how I wrote about Mark in here and the relationship between him and the reader is all I could ever dream about having in a relationship UGH) I don’t know when I’ll get around to writing the fifth chapter but I’m sure it’ll be within the next couple of weeks. With that being said, happy reading!

“Jackson? What are you doing here?” 

The last time you saw the older boy was the summer before both him and Mark went off to college. It felt like ages ago—but you were shocked after coming to the realization that it has only been a year. A lot has happened since their graduation; the last thing you heard from Mark was that Jackson was planning on studying abroad in China. 

Out of Mark’s entire group of friends, you found yourself gravitating towards him the most. Although, he gave you no choice to do otherwise. Jackson Wang was a golden retriever in human form. Anyone and everyone who entered his path, whether it was accidentally or on purpose would become extremely close with him—and it was usually because of his persistence to make and maintain as many friendships as possible. You were shocked to say the least as your eyes landed on his broadened figure. 

Puberty just so happened to favor Mark and his friends—they were all so good looking and very much in amazing shape. Jackson was currently shirtless and if it were anyone else in your shoes, their cheeks probably would’ve turned pink at the sight of his bare chest. You however, were pretty much used to being comfortable around him, Yugyeom, BamBam and Jinyoung. 

When it came to their group of friends, you were pretty much desensitized with any of their antics; not wearing clothing was one of them. It came to the point where Mark never allowed you around them if there was a chance they would remove any item of their clothing—but it was not as much because of jealousy; it was more so because the guys would purposely try to get on Mark’s nerves as much as possible. 

Most of your best times in high school were because of the wild and rowdy group of guys and you didn’t realize just how much you’ve missed all of them until they all went their separate ways. Honestly, it’s been a while since you’ve heard from any of the guys—but college took up more time than high school did and the four of them, along with your ex-boyfriend all decided to go to school out of state. 

They were all so excited when it was time to start filling out applications to all the different universities around the world; Yugyeom and BamBam shocked you the most when you found out that they actually got accepted to what you considered were elite colleges. If those two could get in to college, anybody could. As much as you wanted to laugh at the many memories of how both boys would never fail to get in trouble for either being late to class, or for getting caught with stealing a bunch of condoms from behind your teacher’s desk, it only occurred to you that you just referred to Mark as your ex-boyfriend. 

Not once was there ever a time in the duration of your relationship where you would have ever put Mark in the same sentence as the term “ex”. Even when the two of you had your disagreements or unnecessary arguments, there was nothing that would have caused you think like that. Was he really your ex-boyfriend? The two of you were on a break; or so you believed. You explained the difference between a break up and just taking a break. 

You didn’t want to break up with Mark; he was your person—your soulmate, your best friend. He was in your life for more than half of it, you weren’t going to give up on him that easily. Both you and your relationship needed time to heal in order for you to be able to continue loving Mark in the ways that you used to. There was not a doubt in your mind that you still loved Mark. 

No matter what were to happen down the road, your heart would always belong to him. He was still the only man you wanted to settle down, start a family and spend the rest of your life together with. But you couldn’t help to think negative thoughts like Mark finding solace in someone else. What if this break took a toll on his mental health and he felt the need to confide in another girl? What if he felt that the only way he could stop crying over you was for him to move on and start seeing someone else? 

Deep down, you knew Mark would never do anything that would purposely make you sad or go against you in any way. He was the type to talk things out before making any rash decisions. However, it was only human of you to feel as if he was so frustrated with you to the point where he wanted to do something to hurt you just as much as he claimed you were doing to him. Did he consider you his ex-girlfriend? 

Was there someone who caught his eye in the last month who made him realize there were many other girls out there? That, instead of moping around and waiting for you to be ready to come back to him, someone else could help fill the void? You didn’t know how to describe the pain you were now feeling at the thought of Mark no longer being in love with you; you’ve been worrying and overthinking about this weeks before initiating the break, and he was never around to make you feel or think otherwise. 

Why did your relationship have to become so complicated? Why couldn’t things just have stayed the way they were before Mark left? Why did his efforts lessen knowing that it was going to take twice the amount of time and patience from both of you to continue and maintain a healthy relationship? When did he come to the realization that you were no longer a priority he considered all that important?

“I should be asking you the same thing—although, it’s nice seeing you again. You look seemingly beautiful as always. Albeit a bit messy with more dark circles than the last time we saw each other. It’s a given, but trust me—he looks even more terrible.” 

You looked up at him in curiosity of his confession, but you were well aware that Mark probably told him everything. Mark and Jackson were practically brothers. The only person Mark would confide in and admit all his deepest, darkest secrets to other than you was the charming boy standing in front of you. He looked as though he wanted to pull you in for a hug, but he was also pretty hesitant not knowing what you were feeling or thinking. Jackson gave you a knowing look before letting a small smirk rise upon his face. 

“Your lover boy is the definition of a lightweight. Mark can’t drink for shit. It only took two beers for him to spill everything to me after he came back from his trip—don’t look at me like that. Yes, we drink. It’s all apart of the college experience y/n. Anyways, I know it’s not my place to meddle in your relationship, but I have never seen Mark so depressed in my many years of knowing him for. It’s obvious this “break” you asked him for is slowly killing him. The love he has for you is something people can only dream about ever experiencing in their lifetime. I caught him going through a photo album that he made of pictures and videos of you and he wouldn’t stop crying until I forcefully took away his phone. Look, I’m not trying to guilt trip you or anything and I’m not making up any excuses for him. I’m sure being away from each other is already hard as it is—even worse since you barely get to hear from him but he does have his reasons for being so absent these days. He said he told you he got a job in order to surprise you that week but you didn’t allow him to finish explaining himself.” 

Jackson allowed you inside of the dorm room and you were actually pretty surprised at how clean it was. Sure, Mark was always very tidy and liked to keep his space neat; but witnessing Jackson’s tendencies of picking food from up off the ground and eating it right after, you just assumed he wasn’t the type to care about cleanliness and hygiene. 

“Wow—nice place. Mark showed me a couple of times over Skype but it’s different actually being here.” He gave you his signature cheeky smile before motioning for you to sit down on the couch. 

“Thanks. It was actually his idea to be roommates. I guess he wasn’t all too fond of his previous one and when I decided to transfer over to New York, he offered to let me move in with him. Now, back to what I was saying. For months, Mark kept sulking over how much he missed you and how he was going to do whatever he could to see you again sooner rather than later; so he got a job at this coffee shop right across of campus. Everyone knows Mark hates coffee—but it was the only place that was 24 hours and would work alongside his schedule. Poor guy was barely getting any sleep for the few months leading up to his trip but it didn’t seem to bother him. He was just so stoked to reunite with his “favorite person in the entire world” that he didn’t care how exhausted he was from juggling school, work and his athletics. Our baseball coach even pulled him aside and told him that he needed to get better with managing his priorities or he would kick him off the team. I swear, the night he returned from California, my heart broke for him. He looked so wrecked y/n—but he didn’t say a word. We all know how much of a crybaby he can be, but it was a different kind of sadness. His eyes were so bloodshot and puffy yet they held no emotion in them. He also had no appetite at all and that’s obviously not like him. Boy can eat. I’m not saying you should completely forget how he’s been treating you, but please forgive him. I know he has your best interest at heart. He doesn’t need to say it out loud, anyone with eyes can see just how much you mean to him. Ah—I didn’t mean to make you cry; honestly you and Mark are perfect for each other. I’ll be right back.” 

You didn’t even feel tears fall down your cheeks, but it was inevitable. Every single thing that he said tugged on your heartstrings. 

Did you get lonely while I was away—working my fucking ass off at a job I hate in order to save enough money so I could come and see you? 

For the entire month, Mark’s anger-filled speech from that night replayed over and over in your mind and you felt like such a terrible person now that you understood why he’s been so distant. He tried to tell you, but you just wouldn’t listen. You were so frustrated—so heartbroken in that moment and you wanted him to know the damage that was done to your relationship because he wasn’t as involved in your life as he used to. 

Hearing that he was barely getting any sleep nor having any legitimate free time to himself just so that he could save up money to visit you made your stomach sink. You couldn’t even imagine how hard it must’ve been for him. He flew all the way to California to surprise you, only to be met with the idea of a break. It was probably very heartbreaking for him. He worked all those hours—probably put up with a lot of assholes and having to be on his feet for long periods of the day only to find out that his girlfriend needed time to heal from the pain he’s been causing her. 

You never felt so angry with yourself—but at the same time, you wouldn’t have known. He never said anything. If things were going to end the way you were hoping they would today, then you would make sure the two of you worked on your communication. Jackson returned back with a box of tissues and a bottle of water to which you thanked him politely and wiped away a few stray tears. As much as you were enjoying his presence, you were there for a reason and Jackson could tell with the way you were looking around the room as if you were expecting someone—Mark—to come out from one of the rooms. 

“He’s at work. Don’t worry, he cut back his hours so that he could put more effort in his studies, but he should be done here pretty soon. I better go—I’m going to need some time to find someone who will let me crash on their couch for tonight—or however long you plan on staying here.”

“Why would you need somewhere else to sleep—“ he gave you an incredulous look while playfully raising his brows. 

“Oh trust me, we all know what is going to happen between you and Mark once you both kiss and make up. The next thing I need is not being able to get any sleep because of how loud I know it’s going to be—ow! What? Naughty, kinky make up sex is the best! I mean, I’ll stay if I get to join in on the night’s festivities; but we all know how extremely territorial and overprotective Mark is when it comes to you so I’ll let you both have your fun. But don’t have too much fun—we already got noise complaints two months ago when Yugyeom and BamBam came down for spring break and we all got drunk while playing Mario kart. I’ll take my leave, I actually have some assignments I need to work on. Feel free to make yourself at home—oh, and please—no sex on the couch. This is where I take most of my naps, so keep all the raunchiness in the bedroom. I’ll see you later y/n. There’s some pizza in the oven, my room is down the hall on the left, Mark’s is on the right and we actually both have our own bathrooms in our rooms. You’re better off using his, I wasn’t expecting any guests so—yeah. Good luck!” 

He pulled you in to a quick hug before grabbing his keys and making his way out the door. Although you couldn’t wait to finally see Mark again, you would have rather Jackson had stayed with you until he did arrive home. You swore your heart was about ready to jump out of your chest while waiting for him. There were so many different scenarios—more negative ones than positive running through your mind about how things were going to play out. If what Jackson said about Mark was true, you were confident that he would take you back with open arms. 

However, you were afraid that he was no longer as adamant on fixing things. You were afraid that with your situation with Mark—no matter how many memories the two of you had together, no matter how many years you’ve spent together, no matter how much history the two of you shared—if his heart was no longer in it, there was nothing you could do. Instead of mending your relationship, what if this break only made Mark realize that he didn’t want to put up with your brash and cold exterior? 

People change; sometimes they grow apart—what if it was too late to come back together again? Although Jackson did tell you to relax and unwind, you didn’t feel like you had the right to. You’ve never been here before and you were never the type of person to just roam around someone else’s personal area, even if the person was someone you’ve spent over a decade of your life with. A part of you couldn’t help but grow curious as to what Mark’s bedroom looked like. 

Did he style it the way he did at his last dorm? Did it look like his room back in California that you’d spent many hours playing video games and doing your homework in? It felt extremely awkward just sitting there waiting for him to walk through the door. You should’ve asked Jackson exactly what time Mark planned on arriving home so you could have better prepared yourself for when he were to finally walk through the doors. Instead of waiting on the couch in agony and doing nothing, you got up and began the search for Mark’s room. You intended on going in to his bathroom and making sure it wasn’t obvious that you had previously cried. 

When you first walked in to his room, you immediately took in how clean it was. His walls were white, but you assumed they were already like that before he even moved in. His bed sheets were navy blue and so were his curtains. There was a tv hung up on the wall with a PlayStation and a couple of games set up right under. You decided to take a quick peek around before finally going in to his bathroom to freshen up. As you continued to browse throughout his room, you saw something in the corner of your eye.

Right above his bed frame was a picture board. You absentmindedly found yourself crawling on to his bed to get a better look at all the photos; there were a couple with his family, some with his teammates, a few with his friends back in high school—but most of the photos were with, or of you. There was even a photo of the two of you sitting on his nightstand. This photo however, had a note attached to it. It was always and will forever be you. This time, you allowed the tears to fall freely—you couldn’t give less of a shit about what you looked like anymore. 

Always. 

You were and would forever be his always. You didn’t care that you had to stay up late just to hear from him—you didn’t care that you only ever saw him physically during the summertime or during the holidays. You didn’t care that all the friends you had made in the last year would brag about the many dates their boyfriends have been taking them on. None of that mattered. Mark loved you—even after all the heartbreak he suffered in the last month because of you, it just proved that he was willing to do anything and everything for you. 

“Can I help you find something?” 

The sudden interruption caused you to let out a muffled scream. When you turned around to look at him, you had to force yourself not to practically jump at him now that you were fully aware of the many sacrifices he had made just to make you happy. However, you didn’t want to startle him if you were to throw your arms around him. For the first time—Jackson was right. Well, sort of. Mark looked devastatingly handsome; but it was something you were used to. God obviously had his favorites and Mark Tuan was one of them. He did however, look as though he’s been crying for days. He also looked tired beyond belief. You heart was begging for you to go up to him and pull him in to your embrace while leaving as many kisses all along his jaw and neck—but your affection and the need to touch him was just going to have to wait. 

“Hey. Sorry, I—I came in here to use the bathroom and I—I didn’t mean to intrude or anything—I can go back outside—“

“No, no. You’re totally fine. I um—I’m sorry if I scared you. How—how have you been? You look great by the way. You haven’t been waiting long have you?” 

The laugh of disbelief was at the back of your throat. Standing in front of you was the boy you’ve been in love with for more years than you could count on both of your hands yet—it felt as though you were talking to a stranger. You could tell by his body language and the way he was scratching the back of his neck that he was flustered. 

Whenever Mark would get shy around you, it was always a sight to behold. His cheeks would turn the brightest of pinks, he would gnaw on his bottom lip and rock himself back and forth on the heels of his feet. Normally, he would act this way after a passionate night of love making or simply when you would introduce him as the love of your life to one of your family members. In other situations, you would have found his timid exterior to have been extremely adorable, but as of right now, it was suffocating you. You knew you were the reason why he was acting so nervous; so cautious because you were sure he was afraid of saying the wrong thing and scaring you away. 

“Jackson let me in about half an hour ago, but it’s okay. He was quite the host until he left to go “study”. I’m surprised at how tidy you’ve been able to maintain this place; or should I say—I’m surprised Jackson has been doing his share and cleaning up. I really like it.” 

He thanked you softly before bringing his attention to the floor. Mark was always very confident whenever he spoke; so seeing him uncertain and unsure about how to approach you wasn’t a sight you were quite used to. Nor was it one you ever wanted to get used to. The atmosphere was filled with uncomfortable tension that you wanted so badly to disappear. Whether it was because you missed him more than you wanted to admit out loud, or because it was evident that he wanted to make his way toward you but didn’t know if he was allowed to; you found yourself taking the initiative in getting up from his bed and wasted no time cupping both of his cheeks with your hands and kissing him as if your life depended on it. 

You wanted him to know just how sorry you were for everything he had to go through in the last month because of how stubborn you’ve been. As soon as he felt your lips smash against his own, he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist and pulled you as close to his body that was physically possible. His kisses were rough as his hands roamed your body. God, how did you go so long without the beautiful boy in front of you? Everything in your life felt right again. Being in Mark’s arms while his tongue mapped his trace along your neck was an otherworldly sensation. You were thousands of miles away from California, but you’ve never felt more at home than you did right now. Mark was your home—your favorite place to escape; a breath of fresh air. You were right where you needed to be. 

“Mmm—Mark—I’m so sorry baby. Jackson told me everything. I should have listened to you—I should’ve allowed you to explain yourself. If I knew the actual reason why you weren’t communicating with me as often, I wouldn’t have been so hard on you. I would’ve been more understanding—“

“Nope—I won’t be having any of that. No apologies baby. Yes, I was exhausted beyond belief, but I should have tried harder for us—for you. I was working hard in order to finally be with you again, but I completely pushed back the purpose of why I was doing all of this; why I was practically going days with only five hours of sleep in total. Why I was typing out essays while on my breaks at work. Why I was taking down espresso shots like they were vodka shots—both of which are completely nasty by the way. You are my purpose baby. Everything I do is with your happiness in mind. I know how much my absence has been affecting you because waking up every morning without you next to me was like a fucking chore. It was just as bad for me as it was for you. God, if there’s anything I hate more than college-level calculus, it’s having to live without you—the reason for my existence. Give me your hand.” You did as you were told; placing your hand in his all the while blushing when he brought it up to his chest. 

“Feel that? It’s racing—I haven’t felt my heartbeat this fast since the night you told me you wanted to take a break. That had to be the worst night of my entire life baby. I couldn’t stop beating myself up about your disheartened facial expression when you told me I needed to get my act together. I just—I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I cried every single fucking day because I couldn’t stop thinking this was the end between us. I never ever want to go one day without you. I know—I’ve been a terrible boyfriend to you and I hope you know you didn’t deserve it at all y/n. There were days I wanted to quit my job because I hated it so much and because I’m so exhausted, but then I’d take a look at my phone screen with the picture I took of you that one morning when we had a food fight in the kitchen and you got peanut butter in your hair and all over your face and I just—it made me remember what I was doing it all for. It felt like forever that we got to do something fun like that—it’s been forever since I truly felt any ounce of happiness. I feel like I’m living, but not at all existing whenever I’m away from you. I know you told me not to regret my decision in choosing to go away for college, but I do. I regret choosing to ever be where you aren’t. Fuck, you don’t understand just how hard it was for me having to go back home that night thinking that you no longer wanted anything to do with me; and even if you said he was just a friend—that guy, whatever his stupid name is—“

“His name is Jaebeom—

“Yeah yeah—whatever. That obviously doesn’t matter. It’s my last name that you’re taking one day so I don’t care what his name or anybody else’s name is. I know you would never cheat on me or do anything to jeopardize our relationship, but seeing the two of you together really struck a nerve with me. I don’t know what he is to you, but I’m sure he must be someone meaningful to you for you to go to prom with him. I couldn’t stop thinking about how lucky he is to be around you all the time, how he gets to hear that vibrant and contagious laughter of yours, how he gets to see your radiant and breathtaking smile and how that should have been me being all cute and matching with you. How I should have been there, flaunting you off to everyone. God, you looked so beautiful that night y/n—but you looked so fucking sad when you looked at me. When I came back to New York, I didn’t want to do anything. At all. I called in sick from work, I took a break from baseball and I even missed a couple of classes but I couldn’t give less of a shit. I felt so empty—physically and mentally I felt numb. I wanted to call you; trust me when I say I found my fingers hovering over your contact many times. I continuously checked up on your social media to see how you were doing—if you were okay, if you were eating all your meals and getting some rest. If—if you were suffering without me the way I was with you. I’m nothing without you. Absolutely nothing.” 

He brought his thumb up to your cheek and gently brushed away a tear you didn’t even notice fall from your eyelids. You were well aware that Mark loved you more than you could even accept that you deserved. There were a couple of times you question his love for you; not hearing from him made you feel as though you weren’t as important to him and just that thought alone made you feel as if his love for you faltered. Hearing him confess to you what this past month has been like for him just confirmed that you meant a lot more to him than you felt you did. This break only made you realize that you could no longer be without him—you no longer wanted to put him through any more stress or sadness. 

“Damnit Mark—how do you—fuck—you have such a way with words. You’ve always have. I love you so, so much. More than I ever get around to telling you. I’m so sorry—don’t give me that look babe let me apologize. I should have tried harder to see how you were doing. I know being a student athlete is already so frustrating and I just felt like you didn’t need something else to worry about. I know you’re probably going to disagree and get mad at me for feeling this way, but I just felt like such a burden to you. You already have so many responsibilities, your relationship should be the least of your worries. As much as I love surprises, please Mark—I want you to be honest with me next time. We need to work on our communication. Don’t get me wrong, I am honestly so grateful that you got a job in order to make money to come and visit me and I apologize if you feel like it was a waste—if my reaction that night wasn’t the one you were expecting, but I just didn’t know how to react. I was genuinely happy to see you—or at least deep down I knew I was. My facial expression was the complete opposite—but it’s because I felt as though you were just so far away. You were right in front of me, yet I couldn’t recognize you. My mind couldn’t process that you were real—that you were actually there and not a figment of my silly imagination. Deciding to take a break took weeks to come to that decision. I couldn’t stop thinking that I was no longer a priority to you, so I just stopped trying entirely.” 

You found yourself wrapping your arms around his waist and released a soft sigh before smashing your cheek up against his chest. This was the first time in a long time that you actually felt genuinely content. Mark’s arms always made you feel so safe; so secure and so at ease. He didn’t hesitate to place his chin on the top of your head while tightening his already unyielding hold around your hips. 

“I missed you more than I can explain in words. I meant what I said Mark—I’ve loved you since I was eight years old. I’ve loved you before I even knew what love was and I’m going to love you, for as long as time permits me to. Forever, hopefully. You’re my best friend Mark. I don’t care what happens to me or where I end up in the future. As long as you’re right by my side, I’ll be living a life that I’ve always wanted—that people can only dream of experiencing. We’re going to be just fine my love.” He brought his hand down to your jaw and lifted up your chin so that you were making direct eye contact with him. “You got that right baby. How long do I have you for?”

“A little over a week.” He gave you a knowing look; his eyes were filled with mischief. You were well aware most of your time in New York was going to be spent showing him just how much you loved him and the idea sent warmth to both your chest and in between your thighs. 

“Stay right here, I’m going to have to text Jackson about finding a place to stay—“

“He’s already on it. He wants to give us our time to enjoy one another, just the two of us. In his words, he doesn’t want to miss out on his sleep because apparently you and I are going to be “too loud”. I have no idea what he’s talking about though. I have no intention on being noisy while I’m here—“ 

Mark was quick to lift you up and hoisted you on top of his left thigh; his movements were quick. Soon you were being thrown on top of his bed as he began leaving sloppy and all but gentle kisses all around your bare skin. He lowered himself on top of you, pressing his pelvis right on top of yours in attempts to let you know what he had planned for the both of you in just a few moments. 

“I went four months without making love to my beautiful baby. You know how many times I’ve found myself jacking off to photos of you? I miss when we used to have cyber sex—fuck why did we ever stop? I can still picturing you fingering yourself, pretending it was me. You looked so fucking sexy and although it wasn’t the same as when you suck me off or ride my cock like the professional cowgirl you are, I came in less than five minutes just hearing your breathless moans as you tried to get yourself off. Trust me when I say this, you won’t be getting any sightseeing completed at all while you’re here. I’m going to make sure your legs are practically jello once I show you just how much I’ve missed this perfect body of yours. I don’t know if Jackson told you, but we’re actually on probation for being loud because of BamBam and Yugyeom. I’m confident I’m going to get kicked out here with how loud I’m going to make you sing for me. I can’t wait to rail the shit out of you baby. This pussy is mine. You are mine. Now, sit back y/n and enjoy the ride.” 

Mark wasn’t lying when he said he had every intention on making sure you were immobile. The two of you relished in your love for hours; once you both came down from your highs after one round, the hunger and desire for one another was too strong to quit. You don’t think you’d be able to look in his fridge without remembering how he had you pressed right up against the cool metal, ramming himself inside of you from behind. Four hours later, you both decided to take a break. You had almost two weeks together; you didn’t want to practically be bedridden before you actually got the chance to really spend time exploring New York City together. 

“You never cease to amaze me you know that? Fuck, I could love on your body for the entire day if you’d let me. I guess not having me inside of you for so long made you even more tight. I think your boobies got bigger too—ow! Why do you always get so abusive every single time I appreciate these beautiful breasts of yours? If you’re going to be like this about your mounds, you should hear how obsessed I am with your vagina—“

“Say that word one more time and you won’t get anywhere near it for the rest of my stay.” 

He gave you the most adorable pout before pulling you on top of him. Even if the two of you had just finished having passionate and steamy sex, you could feel your cheeks warm up being pressed up against his bare and sweaty body. He left a wet kiss on the juncture of your neck and looked at you with so much love and adoration in his eyes. 

“I don’t know babe, i could’ve sworn you were begging me to bury my cock deeper inside of you and to eat you out like I mean it less than an hour ago. You’re just as much a nymphomaniac as I am. I honestly can just stay in bed with you for the rest of the evening and just do nothing if that’s alright with you. We could get cleaned up and order some take out. Or if you have even just a tiny bit of energy, we can go out for an hour or so and just enjoy each other’s company.” 

As much as you wanted to go exploring, it was just going to have to wait till tomorrow. You hid your face in the crook of his neck; trying to absorb as much of his warmth as possible before humming softly against his jaw. 

“Let’s stay in. I just want to enjoy this intimate moment with you as much as I can.” He smiled at you lovingly while he brought his fingers in to your hair. 

“I was hoping you’d say that. I want to take advantage of every moment you are naked—as much as I missed you, I don’t miss the hitting. Did you get stronger since the last time I saw you? You’re like bionic now.” 

You playfully rolled your eyes at his sarcasm and propped yourself on your elbows so that you could get a better look at him. Every time you would look at Mark, it amazed you just how much he changed physically since you first met him yet his childlike personality never faltered. If anything, he became more and more like a child as he got older.

“Mark.”

“Hm?”

“I’m going to marry you one day.” 

Knowing that he was the type to joke around a lot, you were expecting a “matter of a fact” kind of response. However, you weren’t expecting for him to pull you down and reconnect your lips together. Right as you could feel the fire building up in your bones with his feather like yet protective touch, he leaned away and looked up with you with a glint in his eye. 

“Hey—I’m the one supposed to be telling you that!” 

You yelped when he all but gently squeezed your butt. The thought of marrying the beautiful boy underneath you has been on your mind since the day he told you he had his mom take out the raisins from her oatmeal cookies because you weren’t a fan of them. Sometimes, your relationship felt too good to be true. Even if you hit a bump in the road, it only made you realize that no matter what were to happen between the two of you, your love for Mark and his love for you would never falter. He was everything in a significant other most girls could only dream about having in theirs. Mark Tuan was an ethereal being; his name was forever engraved on to your heart. 

“I don’t know when exactly—maybe when we’re just a little bit older, but I can’t wait to marry you y/n. You’ve had my heart for over a decade now—it’s yours for the next ten decades.”

“That’s a hundred years Mark. I don’t think either of us are going to live that long—“

“You always seem ruin such romantic moments. I’m telling you that I plan on loving you for the rest of my life. I said what I said my silly girl. You’re stuck with me forever.” 

You beamed up at his words and the two of you continued to lie there in silence; just basking in each other’s presence. To your dismay, Mark flipped your bodies so now he was on top of you but before you could say anything about this new position, you quickly picked up on his now furrowed brows and the way he looked as if he was deep in thought. 

“Hey, everything okay?” 

He gave you a sad smile and nodded hesitantly but you could tell something was obviously bothering him. Just a few moments ago, he was nipping at your jaw while grazing all too close to your core—and now he looked as if he was on the verge of breaking down. What exactly just so happened to pop in to his mind that was causing him so much distress. 

“Mark—we said we would work on our communication. I know something is bothering you. Talk to me baby.”

“It’s nothing really—well—God, I feel so stupid for having to ask you this. That Jaebeom kid, he uh—I wouldn’t be surprised if he did I mean look at you—but, he didn’t happen to have a crush on you did he?” 

Talking about Jaebeom was bound to happen sooner or later. Images of his angry expression when he saw the younger boy walk outside in attempts to look for you came rushing back like the night of prom was just yesterday. There was no doubt your boyfriend was a jealous person. You never understood where his jealousy came from; you never gave him a reason to be jealous nor did you think that you attracted anyone other than him until Jaebeom confessed his feelings for you. 

He would get extremely territorial whenever you would hang out with him and his friends. BamBam and Jackson were notorious for being a little too touchy for Mark’s liking when it came to you. Sometimes they would reach for your hand or interlock your arms together in order to get under his skin, but Mark never let them get away with it. You could still remember the way your heart soared when he told you that he was only jealous of other guys because he had a fear that one day, someone might walk in to your life and make you realize that there are more people in this world other than Mark that could get you feeling the way he thought only he was capable of. Your boyfriend was well aware that he was the one that you loved more than anyone else in your life—but it was only natural for his curiosity to get the best of him. 

“He did—he confessed to me right after he asked me to prom. I was quick to tell him I was in a relationship and he was very understanding about it.” 

Mark took in a deep breath and waited a couple of seconds before asking you the question that he’s been dying to know the answer to for the last month. 

“You uh—did you ever have feelings for him at one point? I won’t be mad; I mean, I’ve been absent. I’m sure spending time with someone and getting their attention could cause some feelings to develop. This question has been on my mind since that night. It’s not that I’m questioning your feelings for me—I know in my heart that you love me but I couldn’t find it in myself to stop thinking negatively.” 

A part of you wanted to lie in order to spare his feelings. He may have said he wouldn’t be mad if you were to tell him that yes—you had feelings for Jaebeom at one point or at least felt like you did; but this was Mark you were talking about. He would be devastated to hear that your heart wavered even just for a split second and you didn’t want to do that to him. The idea of hurting him sent a painful sensation to your chest. Mark was nothing less than perfect to you in all your years of knowing him for. 

These last few months might not have been ideal and honestly you could do without them, but at the same time—the turmoil was a blessing in disguise. Maybe the two of you needed this distance; this break in order to come to the acceptance that neither of you were going anywhere. However, the realist in you was well aware that there was no point in lying. 

For all you knew, Mark probably felt it in either his heart or his mind that you could have at least felt something towards Jaebeom. It wasn’t impossible; it was common for people in relationships to harbor feelings for someone else. Especially someone they’re close to and spend most of their time with. He hated the thought that you began liking Jaebeom more and more every day considering that your communication levels weren’t all that good. What person in their right mind would genuinely be okay with knowing that their significant other had someone else on their mind—someone that they saw almost every single day? Mark wasn’t too sure just how close the two of you were and he wasn’t too sure if he wanted to know. 

“At one point, yes. I did. But let me start off by saying this; just because I felt like I had some kind of feelings for him at one point doesn’t mean I loved you any less. Like you said, it could have been because he was giving me the attention I wasn’t receiving from you. He was taking care of me; he held me on the days that I cried because of school and our failing relationship. He’d buy me pastries if he saw that I wasn’t eating and he’d buy me coffee now and then—but I don’t have any romantic feelings for him. I guess I just really missed you; I missed you like fucking crazy Mark and for the time being, Jaebeom was helping me take my mind off of your absence. I will admit, I felt terrible when I told him I didn’t reciprocate his feelings only because he’s such an amazing friend, but no matter how kind he is, how much he cares for me or how attractive he is—“

“He wasn’t all that good looking honestly he was a solid three on a scale from one to ten you’re just saying that to make me jealous—“ You brought your hand up to his mouth in order to silence him but he licked a stripe along your skin. 

“Will you stop interrupting me? I’m trying to tell you that there’s nobody else for me but you asshole. I’m too blinded by the love I have for you to even look or think about anybody else. Jaebeom is an amazing friend, but that is all he’s ever going to be to me. You consumed every single part of me; like the ocean. I feel like I’m drowning in your love, but I never want to be saved. I just want to keep losing myself in you and the love you have for me. I’m honestly so glad Jackson is a very considerate friend—I got horny just thinking about how much I love you.” 

His laughter immediately filled up the room; a sound you were going to take advantage of for the next week and a half. It wasn’t the same hearing it through a screen—it was much more vibrant and full of excitement and it made your tummy swarm with butterflies. 

“You’re insatiable, what am I going to do with you?”

“Anything you want to.”

When the two of you were finally done making up for lost time up against almost every surface in his dorm, you finally gave in and tapped out. You could feel your eyes closing and sleep was right around the corner ready to take over you completely. 

“Should I start ordering us some food?” You slowly shook your head and made yourself comfortable pressed up against his chest. He began leaving soft kisses in your hair while dragging his fingers along the expanse of your back. 

“I’m so tired. I think the jet lag is catching up to me.”

“No, I think it’s the six hours of nonstop sex we just accomplished. But that’s fine—maybe I’ll wake up earlier and prepare you some breakfast in bed. Or, I can have you for breakfast in bed—almost ten years of this abuse you would think I would know when to prepare myself. Mmm—I love you y/n, I’m so fucking happy you’re here. Thank you for coming back to me.” 

In the two weeks that you were in New York for, Mark took you to almost every single place you’ve been wanting to go to. You didn’t think you were capable of walking so many miles; especially since you were sore practically every single day. Mark wasn’t lying when he said he planned on having you each day you were there for. On the days he had work or practice, you’d stay back at his apartment and just watch a couple of movies or play some video games on his Xbox. Sometimes you would go around with Jackson; sightseeing and shopping for some gifts to bring back home. 

When Mark finished his duties or on the days he was off, he would take you exploring throughout the city, showing you everything New York had to offer. He made sure to keep you energized by purchasing you coffee right before the two of you were to return back to his apartment. He didn’t know when the next time he was going to see you would be, so he wanted to make every moment with you count—even if that meant having to stay up till the wee hours of the morning to have him blow your back out. 

Unfortunately, just like the last time you were in New York, your visit was quick to end just as immediate as it was to arrive. 24 hours seemed to fly by in a matter of minutes any time it was spent with Mark yet they seemed to drag on whenever the two of you were apart. The tears wouldn’t stop falling from your face when he brought you to the airport. He held you close to his body and placed his head against yours as he tried his best to keep your cries soft—not wanting to bother the cab driver. 

He was also secretly tearing up himself; he had one of the best weeks of his life with you and now he had to let you go again. If he had the choice, he’d be heading back to California with you permanently. It was selfish of him, but he even contemplated on hiding your luggage or even stealing your plane ticket so that you’d have no choice but to stay with him. Once the driver pulled up to the airport, he helped you take your luggage from out of the trunk while you and Mark said your goodbyes to each other. 

“Hey—baby, we’re going to be just fine. I mean it this time. I’m gonna do better for you. I don’t care how tired I am—hell, you’re probably going to get tired of my constant phone calls and text messages but I promise you that I’m going to do my best to make sure to put in just as much effort in to this relationship as you do. I know how it feels to lose you and fuck, I never want to feel something so painful like that ever again. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to go without having you with me—so expect me to come make a trip to visit you here soon. I love you y/n—God, I can’t even describe to you just how much I love you. Love isn’t even a good enough word to describe what I feel for you—what you mean to me. Fuck, I’m going to miss you so much. Let me know as soon you land and when you get home please? Take good care of yourself and I expect at least three nudes a day—fine two—y/n I’m trying to lighten the mood you know I hate seeing you so sad—I also hate not getting to show my love and appreciation for your perfect body—just wait till I get my hands on you next time I won’t go easy on you. I’ll see you soon baby. I love you.” 

Leaving Mark was always the hardest thing you had to do other than getting used to looking through a computer and phone screen to see him when you just had him around physically to hold to and to kiss you. He kept his promise in working on and bettering his communication with you. Everything slowly started falling in place for you and you were more than happy with how your relationship was going. Mark made a few trips to California during his downtime. 

Although most of his time was spent going on cute little dates with you and just spending quality time together, he did meet up with some of his friends from high school to catch up and made sure to visit his parents a couple of times. He even asked to meet Jaebeom properly; he wanted to apologize for being such an ass towards him on the night of your junior prom and he wanted to thank him for taking care of you while he was away. Mark still was trying to accept the idea of your friendship with Jaebeom, but he trusted you with every fiber of his being. 

You were surprised that it didn’t take either of them too long to find some common ground; their main purpose both being your well-being and your happiness was something they had in common. Mark actually found it quite interesting that Jaebeom was a dancer and they went back and forth about their passion for crime investigation documentaries. It wasn’t something that happened overnight; Jaebeom was still upset with Mark for being the reason behind your tears, but he was well aware that it wasn’t his business to get involved in. 

At the end of the day, you were just grateful that Mark accepted your friendship with Jaebeom for what it was because you knew you would of fell apart in these last few months if it weren’t for him. Everyone in your life—your boyfriend, your parents, your teachers and some of your friends who have graduated never failed to remind you that senior year would practically flash before your eyes. It had to be the best year of your educational career so far; there were so many different activities for seniors to participate in which Jaebeom coerced you in to doing a lot of things you would have never saw yourself signing up for. Flag football, tug-of-war, paintball, spirit week, homecoming; you were never one to find yourself in a situation where you’d get involved in school activities, but it was your last year in high school and you wanted to make the most of it. 

At one point, you didn’t care about anything other than wanting to hurry up and graduate already. You didn’t want to be the kind of person to make a decision for your life based on your significant other, but you wanted to be with Mark. He was definitely speechless when you told him you applied to the university of New York—only because he didn’t want you to feel like you had to do that for him, even if deep down he was secretly hoping you would. The university was amazing nonetheless, but your boyfriend knew there were many other colleges that had better programs for the field you were interested in joining. However, he was extremely thrilled and very outspoken about how excited he was when you opened the letter of acceptance in to the university. 

Right after you received the letter, you and Mark began planning on how he would let Jackson down gently about having to move out. As much as you couldn’t wait to finally get to have him around, you didn’t want to kick Jackson out of their dorm. It was just as much his place as it was Mark’s. That’s when you came up with the idea to move in to an apartment together. It was still a few months away, but Mark couldn’t keep in his excitement at the thought of waking up to your beautiful face every morning and getting to go to bed every night with you wrapped in his embrace. 

He began the search of apartments in the area of the university so that it would be easier for the both of you to walk rather than to waste money on transportation. The months came and went; studying for tests on top of working almost every day in order to save up for after graduation took up most of your time. Mark was very good about calling you right before he’d head out for school or once he arrived back after work or practice. It was hard to believe that you ever questioned his love for you seeing as how he could not stop reminding you that he couldn’t wait to spend forever with you. 

The last month of your senior year arrived before you could even comprehend that you were only a month away from becoming a high school graduate—and so did your boyfriend. Although you told him time and time again that you would prefer he didn’t surprise you, your soul practically left your body when you returned home from work one day to find him sitting on your bed like it was the most normal thing in the world. 

“Mark, babe what the fuck are you doing here?” 

You wasted no time in throwing yourself at him and bringing your lips to his. Tonight in particular was one of the most stressful days at work you had so far and all you really wanted to do was change out of your clothes and go to sleep. Seeing Mark only broke you out of your exhaustion and the huge grin that rose on your face didn’t seem as if it was going to falter at all any time soon. 

“Did you really think I would let you go to prom with someone else other than me again? Did I not tell you how badly I wanted to rip that dress off of you and how extremely lethal you looked in it? I want to be the one to experience your magical night with you—and trust me, it’ll be even more magical once we head back to the hotel room right after—it’s like you live to torture me and not in the ways I’d prefer you would.” He began rubbing the side of his shoulder where you gently shoved him before playfully pinching your cheek. 

“Anyways, I already bought a tux, you just have to tell me what color tie to get. Oh—and I’m here till the end of summer baby, so I’ll be here to watch you graduate and I’ll be here to help you get all your things ready for New York. I still can’t completely process that I get to go back to school with you alongside of me. I’m so fucking happy, you don’t understand—and we get to live together. You know what that means.” He began to wiggle his brows and you couldn’t help but laugh at his nonchalant hint towards the activities he had in mind once you started living together. 

“Hey, I’m coming to New York for college, not to focus specifically on our sex life—“

“I know that babe, but making love to you is my favorite past time and now we’re going to have more chances in doing so—“

“You know Mark, I think there’s still some time left for me to accept UCLA—“

“You wouldn’t dare. You miss me just as much as I miss you—I meant it more than sexually. I just really can’t wait to have you around more often. There are days that are so shitty for me sometimes and all I want to do is have you hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. We’re going to get a sneak peak at what the rest of our lives together is going to be like and I can’t wait to share that experience together with you. Now, if you’d be ever so kind, I travelled all the way here to be with you. The least you can do is show me some hospitality and maybe suck me dry? Don’t look at me like that babe IT’S BEEN THREE MONTHS.” 

You continued to keep the facade that you weren’t in the mood to do anything just to mess with him—although you were tired, Mark just had that effect on you. If you were ready for bed right as you were coming home, you were now ready to do whatever it was he asked of you. Since your parents were right downstairs, the both of you had to do your best to get reacquainted with one another as quietly as possible. For a little over two hours, you and your boyfriend experimented in different positions; his lips and tongue mapped its territory all along your breasts, neck, thighs, waist and right above your soaking entrance. It was honestly quite the task trying to keep your moans at bay; especially because your love making sessions only became more vocal the longer the two of you were away from each other. 

“I’ve missed you.” He pulled you on top of him once you both came down from your highs and left a wet kiss right below your ear. 

“I’ve missed you more. I still can’t believe you’re here and I get to have you for until I leave.” 

The rest of your evening was spent updating each other on what’s been going on in both of your lives until he fell asleep. For the rest of that week, he followed you around like a lost puppy on the days that you weren’t at work or school. You were sure most people would get tired of the clinginess and the fact that he always wanted to be with you, but it was something you genuinely enjoyed. Not once did you ever not want Mark around you—in fact you were just as tenacious when it came to him. 

Mark was more than happy to be home this time around; all his friends were also home for the summer and it felt like to good old times for him. Before you could even think about how many days you had left until graduation, senior prom came in the blink of an eye. Mark looked as handsome as ever; his hair was slicked back in a way you weren’t used to, but you knew you were going to nag him in to styling it like this all the time. He also looked very classy in his tux and you couldn’t help but laugh at the idea that his dad probably had to help him out with his tie. Your boyfriend was twenty-years-old yet he still had no clue how to fold a tie all that well. 

“Baby, I can’t get over how fucking beautiful you are. God, I can’t stop staring at you. You’re giving all of your classmates here a run for their money.” 

The night went by quicker than you would have liked; but that was because it was so much fun. Mark, like he always seemed to be was nothing short of a perfect gentleman. He made sure your night was going well by taking care of you like it was his life duty. Whenever you wanted to go talk with some of your friends at their tables, or if you had to use the bathroom, he held your things—when it got cold in the ballroom, he placed his suit jacket on your shoulders. He brought you out to the dance floor even against your many pleas because he wanted to make sure you had the time of your life. As he spun you around ever so lightly and placed his chin on your forehead, you knew that night was one of the best nights of your entire life. 

“You know the next time I’ll get to have you like this—looking effortlessly stunning and dancing with you like we’re the only two people here, you’ll be Mrs.Mark Tuan.” 

You couldn’t feel warmth fill up your entire body; his words sent fire to your bones and the thought of getting to marry him never failed to make you blush like a school girl who was approached by her crush. You looked up at him and stole a sweet kiss from the corner of his mouth before hiding your face in the crook of his neck. 

“I’ll be waiting patiently for that day, but just know—I can’t wait.” 

As soon as prom was finished, your boyfriend carried you bridal style up to the hotel room he rented for the both of you with the idea of showing you exactly what torture you caused him looking as “sexy” and “otherworldly” as you did that night. 

Graduation came less than two weeks later and as much as you couldn’t wait to finally move on to the next chapter of your life, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t going to miss being in high school. Just like most boyfriends would in order to embarrass their girlfriends; Mark had an entire banner made for you and assigned all of his friends to hold it up for you during the ceremony and afterwards while waiting for you to walk out on the field. 

You tried your best to stifle back a laugh at how crooked it was; Yugyeom practically towered over his older friends and it only made this event all the more memorable. Right as your principal called your name, gave you your honors chords and your certificate, you could hear your name being shouted from the back of the auditorium and you were sure you would melt on the spot seeing your boyfriend look at you as if you were the most ethereal goddess to exist. Unlike all of your other classmates who stayed a little while to talk to each other about their plans after high school, you made a beeline to where you knew your boyfriend, family and friends were waiting to congratulate you. 

“There’s my beautiful college graduate. You’re glowing baby. I’m so happy for you.” He pulled you in to a tight hug but before he could even kiss you, you were being yanked in every other direction by your family. 

“My youngest baby is a high school graduate and now she’s going off to college. You know y/n, there are many amazing colleges here in California. You can save your money and continue living with your father and I—“ You felt Mark wrap his hand around your waist as he took his place right next to you. He got along really well with your parents. Sometimes you felt as if they preferred him over you only because he knew the exact words to say to flatter your mom and to impress your dad. They were very good in treating him like family. However, you could tell by the tight grip that he wasn’t too fond of what your mom was trying to talk you in to doing. 

“Don’t worry Mrs.y/l/n, your daughter is in good hands. She always has been and always will be. I’ll take good care of her, I promise.” 

After saying your goodbyes to all of your relatives who flew down just to be there for your graduation, you made your way back towards Mark and his friends. BamBam and Yugyeom picked you up and spun you around while Jackson and Jinyoung pulled you against their chests and ruffled with your hair. 

“Finally! You get to come up and experience what college is actually like—that’s if lover boy here ever let’s you come out with us.”

“In your dreams losers. You got me in trouble twice for shit I didn’t even do. I’m not letting you corrupt my sweet, innocent girlfriend—“

“Y/n? Innocent? Hahaha! Don’t make us laugh. Y/n is the furthest thing from innocent. My ears are still so sore from all her screams and moans that one night I came back to our dorm to pick up some clothes while she was there. By the way, as much as I like you y/n, I’m not all that happy you’re stealing my roommate. I hope Mark knows that I should get ultimate dibs on being his best man because of it. Speaking of which, did you finally get around to asking her—ah, asking her about the color to paint your room. I think we should get going now guys, let’s allow these two lovebirds to celebrate on their own. Congratulations again y/n!” 

You’ve known Mark’s friends for quite some time now; Jackson knew something that he wasn’t supposed to tell you. The five of them were never good with keeping secrets nor were they ever good at telling lies. You didn’t have to look at Mark to know he wasn’t all too happy with Jackson; nor did you want to aggravate him even more by asking him the many questions that were on your mind. The main question being what exactly did he have yet to get around asking you? 

You knew it wasn’t just a question about your soon to be apartment together and you now you were dying to know exactly what Jackson was referring to. Oh well, it was just going to have to wait till you could find a time that Mark wasn’t around for you to ask. Summer was always your favorite season; there was so much for you to do. You decided to take a break from work in order to spend as much time with your family before having to move to New York. 

Most days, you and Mark would go around California; heading to all your favorite places together and even finding new places to make memories at. You also made sure to save some time to spend with Jaebeom seeing as how you were both going your separate ways. As much as he loved America, he missed his friends and family back in Korea. These last two years were meant specifically for him to learn English and to pick up on American culture. You knew you were going to do your best with keeping in touch with him. 

Out of all your friends, Jaebeom was one you saw being in your life for a very long time. Your relationship with your parents also grew stronger; mainly because it was just the three of you now and soon it was just going to be the two of them. To your dismay, when you got to hang out with Mark’s friends again and even when you got Jackson alone, he pretended as if he had no clue what you were talking about when you asked him what he meant back at your graduation. 

The truth was going to come out sooner or later, so you were just going to have to wait—no matter how much the curiosity was eating away at you. May, June and July never seemed to fly as quickly as they did but before you knew it, you were packing away everything you needed for college. Deep down, you were sad knowing that you were moving out of the house. You’ve been around your parents for your entire life, you weren’t sure if you were ready to live without them. Hell, your mom still made your appointments for you and even when you were to move thousands of miles away, you were sure she’d still be taking care of your responsibilities for you. 

“Make sure to call me as soon as you land. And please, call me at least five times a day. Remember, you can can always come back home—“

“Mom—“

“If you ever need me I can fly up there and—“

“Mom—“

“Even if you need to take a break, I am totally fine with you taking a year off—“

“Mom, I’ll be fine. I’m in good hands, remember?” 

You turned to look at your boyfriend putting your luggage in the back of his truck and returned his smile when he caught you looking at him. Tears started to build up at your eyelids as you looked at your mom trying her best to fight back her tears. 

“I’ll always be your little girl, don’t ever forget that. College will go by faster than we think and Mark and I plan on returning back to California once I graduate. It’s not goodbye mom, it’s just a see you later. Please take care of yourself. I love you so much.” 

Saying goodbye to your parents was harder than you thought it would be. In fact, your boyfriend had to pull to the side in order to console you and comfort you as you cried. He left gentle kisses on your forehead while he ran his hands through your hair. It didn’t take long for you to calm down, especially because Mark was really good in giving you time to let it all out before reminding you that everything was going to be okay. You were reminded of how hard it must have been for him having to leave two years ago, but now you were finally going to be together permanently. 

Mark’s touch was so comforting; you could tell he wanted to be there for you yet he also wanted to give you some space. He did everything for the both of you; brought both his and your luggage’s to security and got them checked in, found your gate and had you sit down so he could go purchase some snacks for the ride. You didn’t realize just how tired you were until you knocked out only minutes after getting settled on the plane. This meant that you weren’t able to see the way Mark was looking at you so adoringly; but it’s not something you weren’t used to. He looked at you that way all the time. You felt a gentle push on your shoulder and a few wet kisses scatter along your face and you had a feeling Mark was trying to wake you up. 

“Baby, time to get up. We’re here.” 

A huge part of you was still pretty sad that you were no longer in California, but the hand that was tightly holding yours as you were being guided through the airport reminded you as to why you were doing this. Looking at Mark right now; you never felt more at home than you did at this moment. It didn’t matter where you were, your heart was always so full having him with you. The first couple of weeks were the hardest. Getting settled in to your new apartment was a foreign feeling. Mark actually had everything set up for the both of you before he even left for California. 

You were very grateful that he was so patient and understanding with you; but it didn’t take long for you to get used to New York City and living with your boyfriend. It was actually everything you could ever hope it would be. He allowed you to make the decisions on how you wanted the place to look like. 

The apartment was shockingly very spacious; and he actually had purchased quite a lot of furniture. You were shocked to see just how nice the place actually was—you didn’t think Mark was capable of being an interior designer, but you decided to keep the place looking the way it did. Your bedroom had to be your favorite place in the unit, he had a couple of photos of the two of you scattered throughout the room and separated both your sides of the closet and on the bathroom sink. 

He put so much effort in to making sure you were content and it only made your feelings for the older boy grow stronger if it was even possible. College wasn’t at all what you were expecting it to be and you were silently cursing all of Mark’s friends for telling you that it was such a fun experience. Mark introduced you to a couple of his teammates and a few friends he’s made in the last two years while giving you a tour of the campus and showing you where your classes were. You ended up getting a job at your school’s library in order to help Mark pay for the rent and other necessities. 

Even if it was just your first year in college, there were days you would find yourself crying because of how strenuous the work load was on top of having to work. There were also days where Mark was constantly at work, practice or school and you didn’t want to put even more stress on him knowing how exhausted he would be whenever he’d come home. 

One night, he texted you saying he would be coming home late in order to pick up this week’a groceries. You didn’t think much of it; although, normally the two of you would go together so that you both could get the things you either needed or simply just wanted. Your boyfriend also had a bad habit of buying a bunch of unnecessary items he never needed, so you tried your best to make sure you’d be there with him. But this week, you’ve been picking up a lot of late night shifts and Mark could tell the last thing you wanted to do was go grocery shopping, no matter how much you enjoyed doing something so domestic with him. 

When you reached your apartment, you saw his shoes in the cubby hole and his backpack by the counter—so you knew he was home. Everything seemed put away; you checked the fridge and all the shelves were filled with different kinds of food and drinks. He also got the essentials; dishwashing liquid, laundry soap, dryer sheets, shampoo and conditioner. Something didn’t feel right though; normally, he would be out in the living room playing video games or doing his work at the dining table. 

Maybe he was tired; you still couldn’t understand how he could manage five classes a week, playing sports for hours on end and going straight to work right after only to come home like he had all the energy in the world. Right as you were about to look around for him, you saw a crumpled paper in the corner of your eye which you assumed to be the receipt. 

Curiosity got the best of you—he always paid for the groceries no matter how many times you’d tell him to split the bill. In fact, he would pay for pretty much anything and told you to save your money to buy things you wanted to. It was hard accepting the fact that he did all of this for you—sacrificed so much for you because he loved you with his entire being only because you didn’t feel like you deserved any of it. If anything, he was the one who deserved so much more than what you could give him. When you scanned the receipt, everything seemed perfectly normal—he purchased every item the two of you would normally buy. 

However, towards the bottom of the list you saw something that made you confused, yet you let out a little giggle. 

“Mark!” You began walking towards your bedroom in the hopes of getting an explanation as to why he felt the need to buy his favorite cookies in bulk. 

“Babe, I know you love nutter butter, but eight packages? Are you preparing for an apocalypse or something—oh my God.” 

Your question was answered as soon as you opened the door. There, in all of his devastatingly handsome glory, your boyfriend of ten years, down on one knee with a red box in his hand and a tray of nutter butter on the bed spelling out the words “will you marry me?” There were roses scattered all over the ground and candles spread throughout the room. Your heart was racing faster that it ever has in your entire life. 

“Mark—“

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

The smile on his face was barely reaching his eyes and you could tell it was because he was nervous. He was shaking and he looked like he was on the verge of throwing up; you couldn’t understand why though. Sure, marriage proposals were always so nerve wrecking, but he should already know the answer. You slowly walked toward him and gently kneeled to his level while cupping his cheeks in your hands. 

“I know this isn’t as romantic as you probably would have wanted it to be. Trust me, I planned out many different scenarios about how this was going to pan out. The guys told me to take you to a beach, or a fancy restaurant but I thought this would be more meaningful. I mean, I realized you were someone special to me when I shared my nutter butter with you over thirteen years ago. You know you are the only person I would do such a thing for—you’re the only person I’d do anything for. I’d give you my kidney if you needed it. I know—we’re still so young to be getting married, but I just couldn’t wait anymore. I’ve been in love with you before I even knew what the word love meant. I’d tell my parents I loved them; I told each and every one of my siblings that I loved them—but with you, it was a different kind of love. It was the kind of love that—I don’t know, my heart always felt so happy and so full every minute I spent with you. You showed me what love is—you made me feel loved and cared for in ways that I don’t think I could ever be able to thank you for doing. You are the most beautiful, funny, charismatic, intelligent, wonderful and honestly perfect human being to walk this earth. God—I can’t even—I’m so fucking in love with you. We’ve had a few ups and downs, but it only made me realize that you are the only person I want to go through hell and back with. You and I are soulmates baby, there’s no doubt about it. I’ve been blessed to have you in my life for almost fifteen years now and I can’t wait to spend an eternity with you. Y/n, will you do the amazing honor and continue to make me the happiest man on earth by marrying me?”

[creampuffqueen]

Broken Jars - Sukka Week Day 1

hello everyone!!! this is my very first atla fic i’ve ever written, and i’m super excited to share it with y’all!! this is why i didn’t participate in tlc shipweeks lol, i’ve been super busy trying to get stuff for sukka week because these kiddos need more content!!

the prompt for today was post-canon, so i wrote what i write best: a kid fic. rip to whoever said suki died young because that’s not possible. she and sokka got married and live a quiet life on kyoshi island to raise their babies.

anyway, hope y’all enjoy!!

word count: 2,418

~~~~

The house is so silent when Suki walks in, carefully removing her headdress, taking off the thick gloves of her uniform. Silence isn’t something she’s used to anymore. 

It’s later than she normally gets home, the sun high in the sky and sweltering at this time of year. She has to resist swiping a hand over her sweaty brow, lest the face paint rubs off.

She had stayed late at the dojo, after a younger student practically got on her knees and begged for an extra lesson, desperate to keep up with the older girls. Suki couldn’t say no.

Normally when she gets home the house is joyful chaos, the by-product of two four-year-olds fully rested from a good night’s sleep and energetic from their lunch. Now, the only sounds to be heard are the creaking of the floorboards and… is that snoring?

She finds the source a moment later, chuckling softly to herself when she finds her husband asleep on the couch, laundry strewn about in the process of folding, looking for all the world like he just intended to rest his eyes for a moment.

“Sokka,” She croons gently, leaning over his sleeping form to drop a soft kiss on his cheek. Those blue eyes of his flutter open, lips parting into a sleepy smile when he recognizes her.

“Hey,” He grins back, voice slightly hoarse from sleep. “Are you home early?”

She laughs at that, glancing over at the clock hanging over the bedroom doorway. “No, actually. I’m home late. Are the twins napping?”

Sokka lets out a loud groan, sitting up, rubbing his neck. “They should still be. I put them down about an hour ago. After Kolla stole Koda’s stuffed badger-mole and both of them started crying, I knew it was time.”

Suki shakes her head at that. “They both have the same stuffed badger-mole, why does she do that?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. She just likes taking Koda’s stuff.”

Suki sits down on the couch beside him, resting her head on his shoulder with a sigh. “I’m glad they’re both asleep. I always get home before their nap, and then we both have things to do.”

“Well, I have things to do.” Sokka snorts. “Laundry. Somehow they’ve managed to dirty more clothes than when they were babies, and that’s saying something.”

“So there’s nothing else you’d rather be doing?” Suki asks coyly, batting her eyelashes exaggeratedly. She drapes a leg over her husband’s lap, leaning into the couch.

“Absolutely nothing.” Sokka gives her that lopsided grin that makes her heart race, blue eyes full of amusement. 

They stare at each other for only half a moment before Suki sighs, done with playing games, and pulls him down for a kiss.

“You got me.” He smiles against her mouth in a way that makes her heart swell, “I’d much rather do this than the laundry.”

She laughs as he kisses her, quick pecks on her nose, her cheeks, her forehead. Suki leans in to kiss his nose, and his smile increases tenfold. 

It’s then that she notices the red stain on his lips, the white on his nose. And she giggles harder, shaking in his arms as she points it out.

“Great Spirits,” Sokka sighs, “how hot was it out there? Your makeup has never melted before.”

Suki doesn’t answer him, just presses more kisses around her face, laughing in hysterical delight at the red marks she leaves in her wake. Her husband rolls his eyes but lets her have her way, a small grin turning up the side of his mouth.

When the novelty finally wears off, Suki leans her head against his chest, still giggling slightly. “You need a bath.”

“Thanks for that,” He snorts. His fingers shoot to her side, tickling her even through the thick Kyoshi uniform.

Very few things make Suki come undone faster than when he tickles her. As much as she hates it, she is very ticklish, and Sokka uses this to his full advantage.

Even after years of elite training, the Kyoshi warrior is rendered completely helpless as her husband’s fingers dance on her sides and her stomach and underneath her arms, her squeals of laughter echoing off the walls of their home. 

“You’re gonna make me wake them-” Suki manages to get out between the laughter, but Sokka ignores her, yanking off one of her shoes to have access to her sensitive feet. 

She shrieks again, laughing so hard she can barely breathe, when something crashes to the floor in another room, shattering-

Both of them pause, eyes widening, both of their minds racing. Their bedroom, something fell, something broke-

“The twins!” Suki gasps out, frantic, hurling herself off the couch and towards the door, makeup still smeared, one shoe on. Her fans, which she hadn’t removed from her waistband, appear in her hands as she scrambles inside, searching for the intruder; nobody is getting near her babies. She can hear Sokka outside, running for the twins’ bedrooms, ready to gather up the toddlers and get out. 

Even though the world has known peace for years now, the fear still lingers, and even now Suki and Sokka wake up in the middle of the night gasping, visions of fire and death and loss all they can see. 

For Suki, it was so much worse after she had the twins.

Before, her nightmares were awful. Sokka, lifeless in her arms. Her friends, separated and in danger. And her warriors, taken from her, captured by Azula, tortured with lightning running through their bodies. 

After Kolla and Koda were born, their tiny shapes were added to the mix. 

It didn’t help that their birth was so traumatic. She and Sokka had prepared for one baby, had smiled at every little movement and kick they’d felt from the outside. 

She went into labor, and it was long and it was hard and Spirits, it hurt, but in the end little Kolla came screaming her way into the world, waving her tiny fists, a warrior from the start. 

But the pain didn’t stop. And by the time the midwives figured out what was going on, that there was another baby, it’s heartbeat was so, so slow. Koda slipped into the world and he was so, so quiet. And he was so, so small. 

He was still, the tiniest baby Suki had ever seen, a head of brown hair to his twin’s auburn, and he was silent. 

She’d felt her heart break, then. Shatter, like it never had before. That was her baby right there, her son, and he was so tiny and so still and the world was so wrong.

She couldn’t even hear her daughter’s screaming over the sound of her own sobs, the roaring in her ears as the world stood still and moved too fast at the same time.

I’m sorry, the midwife had said, wrapping him up in a towel and passing him so gently into her arms. He didn’t make it. 

Sokka was holding Kolla then, and she cried and cried and cried, like her heart was breaking too, a piece of her that could never be replaced.

Then a miracle happened.

In the dead of night on a summer solstice, the moon was full. It shone through the window, illuminating the tiny face Suki held so carefully in her arms. 

Koda started crying, then. Just like him, it was tiny and small, but every single wail healed another crack in Suki’s ruined heart. A single stripe of his baby-soft hair lightened, turned moon-white, as he continued crying. 

Suki knew then, what had saved her baby. Who had saved her baby. 

Thank you, Yue. 

In the years that passed, Koda was always so much smaller than Kolla. He was shy and quiet and so thoughtful, while his twin was wild with energy, and loud loud loud. 

Even with their differences, they were still best friends. It also helped that Koda was a waterbender- one of the only things he was better at than his sister. Kolla so admired it. 

And all of these thoughts bombard Suki as she runs into the room, fans at the ready, thinking about how hard she’ll fight, what she’ll do to make sure her children are safe-

“Mommy’s home!” Kolla’s sweet voice chirps, and the four-year-old runs into her mother’s arms, not at all bothered by the makeup, the uniform, the fans. 

Suki accepts the hug, just as Sokka runs into the bedroom, shouting for her. “Suki, the kids-”

“Daddy!” And then he, too, is put under the spell of his daughter. 

Suki spots the source of the crash, eyes widening as they settle on Koda, attempting to hide behind the dresser. The boy’s whole face is covered in red and black, and a smashed pot of white face paint is shattered on the wooden floor. 

Suki’s makeup.

She notices, too, that Kolla’s hands have white paint on them, as well as a smear of red on her eyelid, the paint all coming off on Sokka’s shirt as she hugs him. 

“What are you two doing awake? I thought you were napping.” Suki sighs, sheathing the fans back into her waistband. 

“Koda and me wanted to do our faces like Mommy!” Kolla says happily, bubbling with excitement as she shows off how she put the red paint on her face. “But Koko reached too far for the white and now it’s broken!”

“You told me to!” Koda protests, hiding his face behind the dresser. “I said we’d get in trouble.”

“Come here, both of you.” Suki leans down, holding out her hands for her shy baby boy. “I don’t want you two to get hurt on the pot, okay?”

Koda starts crying then, and Suki holds him close, not worried about the face paint. That stuff stays on, and even if it doesn’t, she cares far more about her baby than an easily washable uniform.

“Koko, don’t cry!” Kolla says earnestly, dragging Sokka over to them so she can hug her parents and her twin.

“I’m- I’m sorry, Mommy.” Koda blubbers. 

“Hey, buddy, it was an accident, okay?” Sokka soothes. “We can clean it all up in no time. It’s going to be alright.”

Still, it takes all three of them to calm Koda down, and in the end Suki picks him up and cradles him like a baby while he sucks his thumb, and Sokka cleans up the smashed jar of makeup. 

Koda and Kolla both still have the paint smeared all over, not to mention Sokka’s own red-stained face, and Suki is sure her own is a mess. 

“Koda, would you like it if we all went down to the ocean?” Suki offers, smiling as the toddler instantly perks up. If nothing else could cheer him, the prospect of swimming always did. “We can all get on our swimsuits and wash off the face paint.”

“I wanna go swimming too, Mommy!” Kolla giggles, dancing around her ankles. 

“Then let’s go!” Sokka scoops her up, and Suki follows him into the bathroom, where the twins’ swimsuits are kept. She helps them put them on while Sokka changes in the other room, and then they switch. 

It’s still hot outside, but it helps that they walk together under the trees on the way to the little ocean cove. The area is small and shallow, perfect for little swimmers. 

Kolla runs around excitedly, as always, while Sokka stays behind, smiling at Suki, hand clasped with her own. They walk hand-in-hand to the water, their kids running off to splash in it. 

Relaxing in the warm cove, Suki tugs her husband close, grinning as she washes the makeup from his face with gentle strokes. Kolla squeals in the background as Koda splashes her, the two of them sitting on the sandy bottom and having the time of their lives. 

“Have I ever told you that I love you?” Sokka says cheekily, helping her to rub the face paint off. 

“You may have mentioned it once or twice,” she laughs, thinking back to only this morning, where he pressed sleepy kisses over her body and whispered the words over and over in attempt to convince her to stay in bed. It almost worked. 

“Well, let me mention it again. I love you, Suki.”

She can’t hide the smile and the tug in her heart that he produces. They’ve been together for years, married for a long time, and even have two babies. Still, she can’t help blushing like she did when she was just a teenager, brand new to love and diving into it headfirst. 

“Stop, you’re gonna make me cry,” she sighs, laughter bubbling up. Overhearing their words, Kolla pushes her way in between them with a determined pout.

“Daddy, stop. Don’t make Mommy cry.” She has her hands on her hips in a way that reminds Suki a lot of Katara, but the expression is all Sokka. Koda trails over to see the commotion, draping himself into his father’s lap. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I was joking.” She soothes her daughter, and Kolla, satisfied, bounces back into the water to search for shells. 

Sokka starts to clean up Koda’s face while Suki washes her own, then pulls her daughter back to wipe her down as well. 

“I hope this is a lesson, you two.” Sokka chides, gently swiping his fingers over Koda’s cheeks to smooth off the smears of black face paint. “The makeup is for Mommy only.”

“But I’m gonna be a ‘Yoshi warrior too!” Kolla protests, attempting to squirm away from her mother. 

“If you want to be a Kyoshi warrior when you’re older, my love, go ahead.” Suki tells her. “But right now you’re only four years old. You’ve gotta get a little bigger.”

Kolla pouts, but it’s soon forgotten in place of splashing her brother. Koda yelps, scrambling away, throwing out a hand behind him to send the water back at his twin. 

Both kids clean, Suki lets them go free to work out their own differences. A moment later both toddlers are squealing with laughter, splashing water back and forth. 

She glances back over at her husband, at Sokka’s fond look as he takes them in. Years ago, none of this was a possibility, not in a war-torn earth. The idea of a peaceful life, with someone they loved, friends all over the world, and now… two little ones to share it with. 

Suki leans her head on her husband’s shoulder and smiles. 

~~~~

there it is! i hope you all liked it! remember, reblogs >>>>> likes (not that i don’t appreciate likes as well!)

[itsclydebitches]

Another realization on why the Ace-Ops v RWBY battle was so terrible--it may be hard for some people to remember, but the back-half of the Volume takes place over just a few days. By my count, at least three days go by--the election, the day after the election, and then Jacques' dinner party and the Grimm invasion of Mantle. At the beginning of the election day, we are shown RWBYJNR training, still levels under the Ace-Ops, but then three days later, they're able to take out them out no problem.

Honestly I didn’t pay enough attention to the (frankly muddled) timeline but that doesn’t surprise me. “That was before you trained us” simply isn’t a good justification for that kind of beat down, not unless your characters are all super prodigies who are able to excel in a tenth of the time as everyone else. But Ruby is the only prodigy on her team. It’s now worth asking whether she even is a prodigy given that we know Ozpin let her into Beacon in part to keep her safe from Salem’s henchmen. I don’t believe he did or would have let her in on that alone, but Ruby being ready in terms of scythe skills doesn’t mean that everyone else wouldn’t be. For all we know lots of second year Signal students could technically get by in Beacon via their fighting skills but are kept to the four year structure so that they can mature. In the same way that you could be great at a certain subject - Math, English, etc. - but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good for you to skip ahead two years. As we saw with Ruby falling asleep in most of her classes, she’s got a pretty focused skill set. Even if we agree that she’s actually phenomenally better than others, the rest of her team are all normal girls in the sense that they applied to Beacon and got in. That’s it. We can assume they’re special and lots of people do - Weiss got super special training via Schnee money, Blake trained in the hard world of the White Fang - but that information is useless without knowing what everyone else’s life was like too. For all we know every single Beacon student has a cool backstory like that. Indeed, what little info we have from Team JNPR supports that: Pyrrha is an actual prodigy who trained in multiple tournaments, Nora and Ren got hard training by living on their own. Jaune is the odd one out who lied his way into school. “Oh but Team RWBY has faced lots of powerful people and grimm out in the world.” But we’ll assume the elite Atlas team working for years under Ironwood hasn’t? Basically what I’m saying is: this amount of abnormal fighting experience is normal. Everyone did something amazing prior to their final four years of schooling and it’s probably that additional effort that got them into a top school like Beacon in the first place... or Atlas. With the exception of Ruby’s scythe skills, her silver eyes (not used in the fight), and Pyrrha’s overall accomplishments (she’s not there), no one out of this group has been written as extraordinary in terms of their skills/power levels. Certainly not to the extent that they can bypass this group in just a few days when, I continually feel the need to note, the Ace Ops are training too. By training RWBYJNR they keep improving themselves as well. That development doesn’t suddenly stagnate. 

I think a lot about their introduction. How they were explicitly written to be leagues ahead of our heroes. This is the team that took out RWBYJNR + Oscar + Qrow in literal seconds. Only Ren seemed to realize they were nearby. None of them had time to dodge the restraints. Even when Qrow watches everyone else fall and gets his scythe in hand he’s taken down without a fight. Yet supposedly this team was done in after only a few weeks of on and off training where the Ace Ops were also improving, learning all of Team RWBY’s weaknesses, demonstrating that they can still easily take them out just days before this fight, none of them using their extraordinary skills even after they decided to fight seriously, all of them military trained to do a job despite any emotions they’re grappling with... yeah, that fight is a mess lol. 

Consistency is important. If you want Team RWBY to absolutely trounce the Ace Ops in episode twelve, don’t show them to be that incredibly powerful in episode one, episode three, episode ten... 

[chickensarentcheap]

Sanctuary -Chapter 24

Warnings: mentions of depression, death, grief, sad Tyler, a tad of smut

Tagging: @thunderintheshadows  (although you read this already over on Ao3 lol), @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud

The meeting is scheduled for one pm. Held in one of the hotel's smaller conference rooms; Nik hosting from Colorado through a secure satellite feed arranged by the FBI. At Esme's insistence, she'd sought out Mark's help, who in turn, had agreed to lend his assistance as long as it was kept strictly 'off the books'.  Neither Tyler or Yaz made aware; a need to know situation that Nik was certain they didn't need to know. Not at this particular time, anyway. She'd also managed to convince the hotel management that the team -she'd spun a story about them providing private security for some of Ireland's elite- needed a meeting room for 'strategic purposes', and a hefty money transfer had been sent to them to ensure both their cooperation and their silence.

Yaz arrives last; arms and hands loaded down with bags of food and drink for lunch, along with his laptop and iPad.

“You went back to that coffee shop, didn't you,”  Tyler grins, recognizing the logo emblazoned on the front of one of the paper bags. “Was she there? Did you see her? Did you talk to her?”

Esme sits alongside of him, their thighs touching under the table. The need for closeness...both physically and emotional...is overwhelming. On both their parts. As if something or someone was just waiting in the shadows to snatch them away from one another.   Bot are nervous. Anxious. All of the missing information, the complexities of the case, the uneasiness that comes with being in an unfamiliar place and not knowing exactly who your enemy is. All mixing together to create a brutal and punishing force. All jobs come with their share of danger. With the unexpected twists and turns that jumped out at you without a moments notice. Always having to think three steps ahead of you; always wanting to ahead of your foes so you could take them by surprised, not vice versa. But this was different. The trouble had started before they ever set foot on Ireland soil.  Danger could be lurking around every corner; in every dark alleyway or doorway.  

She is feeling it more than the others. It's been almost six years since she'd last been on a job.  She had thought that that part of her life was behind her. More than content to give up the almost nomadic lifestyle in favour or a quieter existence. Quite enjoying the routine and the familiarity that comes with being a stay at home mother and a housewife. It sounds old fashioned; the solace found in taking care of a house, in cooking dinners and doing laundry and other various chores, in keeping a husband happy and satisfied, in spending time with her children and loving on them as much as humanely possible. But after years of never forming true bonds with anyone and never having a stable place to live while running from her demons,  being a spouse and a parent turned out to be exactly what she'd needed.  She'd needed normal. Or at least their version of normal.

At the mention of a girl, she glances away from her laptop, fingers hovering over the keys; in the midst of sending an instant message to Ovi. Both he and Chloe were in constant contact. Always letting her know what is going on at home. Whether it be sharing stories about what the kids were up to, asking questions about things like favourite foods and things that would provide comfort when the little ones were emotional over the realization that both their mom and dad are gone,  letting her know that things felt safe and secure and there had been no suspicious activity or threats. At least not yet.

“She was,” the grin that spreads across Yaz' face is enormous as he arranges the food and beverages in the middle of the table, then busies himself with setting up the tech needed to hold the meeting. They're running on Nik time, and her time -in her eyes- is extremely valuable and she expects others to recognize and abide by it.  “Her name is Anna,” he says. “Anna O'Brian.”

“Oh how adorably Irish,” Esme quips. “Is she legal? Did you ask to see her driver's licences this time?”

Tyler gives an amused smirk.

“You're getting just as bad as he is,” Yaz complains, nodding in the other man's direction. “He's rubbing of on you.”

“She likes when I rub one off on her,” Tyler says, and then winces when his wife grabs a hold of what little excess fat he has above his hip and pinches as hard as she can.

“What?” he asks innocently.  And when she huffs in disgusts and turns her attention back to the laptop, he playfully nudges her in the ribs with his elbow.

“You're disgusting,” she replies. “I can't believe you even said that.”

Yet at the same time, she can recognize the remarkable transformation -one of many- that he's gone through over the past five and a half years.  He's no longer on guard twenty four seven; he's able to relax and actually live in the moment. No longer constantly haunted by the horrible decisions of the past.  Comfortable enough in his own skin...his new skin...to not only let others in, but to be like everyone else.  Sarcastic,  humorous, finally content in his own skin.  Yet when it's time for the seriousness of a situation to kick in, he will be back to all business.

He'll be the old Tyler again. A transformation so quick and subtle that its as if the new one never even existed.

“I read it's supposed to be good for the skin,” he reasons. “It's probably why you look as young as you do. Like a natural moisturizer.”

“You've got serious issues,” she huffs, and then yelps when he grabs a hold of the back of her knee, squeezing lightly and the proceeding to tickle her mercilessly. “Stop it!” she orders in between the laughing and the hiccups that soon make an appearance. “What is wrong with you? Tyler! For fuck sakes! You're going to make me pee myself!”

“You too make me sick,” Yaz declares, when Tyler finally relents; smiling and winking at her, running a hand over her hair and then pressing a kiss to her temple.  “It's gross. The way you two are. All happy and in love and shit. It's been almost six years. Shouldn't you hate each other by now? Isn't this when things go south and you just stay together for the kids?”

“Oh there's days,” Esme says. “Where he is walking a very thin line. Believe me. He's too scared of me to push things too far.”

Tyler nods in agreement. She holds all the power.  It doesn't matter that he's a foot taller or ninety pounds heavier.  He knows when to just shut up and tow the line.  “Then she gets over it when I hate fuck her,” he grins. “She's  relatively harmless after that.”

She sighs in exasperation. “So who's this girl, Yaz?” she asks, as she returns to composing her message to Ovi.  “Waitress? Bartender? Stripper?”

“Speaking of strippers,” Yaz grins. “Tyler...remember that red head in Russia. The one that kept rubbing her massive...”  he gestures to his own chest, mimicking breasts. “...in your face.”

“Oh my god I do not need to hear this!” Esme makes a dramatic gagging noise and places her hands over her ears. “I want to remain oblivious to what he was up to before I met him. Those days didn't exist! I want to pretend they never happened!”

“She had a massive girl boner for your man. She did these things for free. She probably would have given him money for letting her.”

“Yaz...” her eyes are narrow as she glares at him. “...I will punch you in the throat, I swear to God.”

“You remind me of her,” he continues. “With the new hair. Only your boobs are real.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tyler frowns, and smacks the younger man upside the head as he gets up to grab food. “Don't talk about my wife's body like that. Don't cross that line, mate. Don't make things weird.”

“My knight in shining armour,” Esme grins.

“Slightly tarnished and dented armour,” Yaz suggests to her “You like that one? Give me that one. Are you impressed by me?”

“I'll both accept it and allow it,” she nods. “I'm going to write that one down so when I get down to writing my book entitled 'Shit Yaz Says', I can include it. So who is she? This girl? Don't leave me out of the loop.”

“A waitress. At a place we went to the other day. She gave me her phone number and I wanted to go in and apologize for not calling her yet. I even brought her flowers.”

“Nicely done,” Tyler nods his approval.  “You've been taking notes.”

“We're going for drinks tonight,” Yaz excitedly bounces up and down on his heels, like a little kid that just found out the Tooth Fairy now gives out twenties for a molar.

“Drinks?” Esme arches an eyebrow. “So that's what kids call it these days. Just call it what Tyler does. Studying.”

“For the record, I did not start that shit,” he places two plates of food on the table and slides one towards her. It's weird in a way; how you get to know someone so well that you know exactly what they'll eat, and be appreciative of even the small gesture of getting it for them.  “I did not call it studying. Ovi said he and Chloe were studying.  I just took it from there.”

“Tyler is a huge fan of studying,” she continues, briefly pressing her shoulder into his when he sits down, giving him a smile of appreciation.  “He likes to study alone.”

“That is not what I said. I said if I have to study alone, I will. Not that I enjoy it. Just that it needs to be done sometimes. What are you supposed to do when your study partner gets a lot of headaches or doesn't feel well?”

“Excuse you, but when was the last time you heard any of those excuses from me? Months. Declan was still a tiny little thing.”

“You two are both fucked,” Yaz declares, and then adjusts the blinds covering the window; so there isn't too much sun streaming into the room and preventing them from seeing the smart board that Nik will appear on.  “T minus six minutes. You guys ready for this shit? It's going to get weird, isn't it. Even more weird than it already is.”

“I have been eating at the buffet of strange all day,” Esme declares, then fills him on everything that has taken place since she'd opened up her eyes first thing in the morning. The strangers outside the hotel room; the nervous shuffling of feet and harsh whispers.  How'd she attempted to glimpse a glimpse of them but had been just a few seconds too late. About the housekeeper insisting that no one was staying in the room that Esme had seen...with her own two eyes...the couple emerge from.

“Hmmm...” Yaz says in response to that piece of information, then looks at Tyler from across the table. Pointed stares. Tyler's eyebrows shooting up. So much communicated between them without even needing to use words.

She launches into what she knows about the Buckman family; no hands on knowledge, but history with colleagues that had gone toe to toe with them and had somehow managed to survive.

“They're not a family you want to fuck with,” she says, as she sips from a bottle of water.  “This is Amir Asif on steroids. I'm not even joking. If you thought Dhaka went to shit, this has the chance to be a hundred times worse. If this blows up in our faces, it's going to be damn near impossible to get those kids out. Not when it's just one person doing the heavy lifting.”

“You think we need more help?” Yaz asks, and when she shrugs, he addresses Tyler.  “You think you need more help? You're the one actually going in.  How are you feeling about the chances? Or being able to get both of them? Two kids plus yourself? Do you think you can get all three of you out?”

“I'm fine with it,” Tyler replies. “I'll be okay. I can handle it.”

“Realistically what's the chances?” Yaz inquires. “That you can successfully get two kids out at once and go up against anyone coming at you? It isn't going to be as easy as just walking in there and grabbing them and taking off. There's going to be resistance. Big time. You think you can handle two kids plus all the other shit being thrown at you?”

“I think you need to let me worry about all of that and let me do my job.  How many extractions have I done? Tons.  Yet you think I'm some kind of rookie just walking in there blind? I know what I'm doing. I can handle getting two kids out.”

“And yourself?” Esme speaks up, not looking away from her laptop.

“We're not talking about that right now. This is about the kids.”

“Your life is just as important,” she gently argues. “Whether you think it is or not.”

“The job is a success if the kids get out,” he counters. “It doesn't matter if I do or not.”

“It matters to me. And to your kids.”

“Maybe we need an extra set of hands,” Yaz suggests. “Someone watching your back.”

“I don't need someone going in with me. What I need is people leaving me alone to do my job. I work better alone. I'll get the kids out. No matter what it takes. That's all that matters. Getting to them and getting the fuck out of there. I've done this before, remember? Have either of you gone in and done the bloody stuff?”

“That's not the point,” Esme says. “How many extractions have you done where you've had two people to get out?”

“None,” he admits.

“Exactly,” she huffs. “What harm does having back up do?”

“It's messy enough with just one person. I don't need someone all up in my ass questioning everything I do. I work alone. I've always worked alone.  So just let me go in and do what I have to do. I'll have it under control. You need to trust me.”

“Two kids, two people,” Yaz reasons. “Would make it a hell of a lot easier.”

“Neither of you are listening to what I'm saying. I run this part of things. I call the shots. Not you. And not you,” he gives Esme's thigh a squeeze under the table. “You have to just back off and let me do what I do.  You want things to run smooth? Or as smooth as they can? Then keep other people out of the way. That's all I ask. Please...” he presses a kiss to her temple. “...trust me. Just trust me.”

“Fine,” she relents.  “But I don't like this. I don't like any of this. Two kids plus yourself? While trying to out run and out gun whoever is going to try and stop you? There's no Saju busting his ass to clear a path. There's no Nik and the team providing tactical support. There's no  G to act as a sniper like he did in Dhaka.”

“You were a sniper,” Yaz points out. “In the corps.”

“I was not a sniper. I merely acted as one from time to time.”

“But you still did it,” Tyler says. “When you had to.”

“Oh hell no. You two are not putting this on me. I came here to help with intel. That's it. That is as far as I'm going. You two are not dragging me down into some fucked up rabbit hole because one of you is too stubborn to ask for outside help and the other just puts his tail between his legs and agrees to whatever the first  one says. No. I'm not doing this. I won't do it.”

“You've got the experience,” Yaz continues. “And I trust you. Tyler trusts you.  You can handle it. And we don't have to drag more people into this. Your intel stuff will be down by then, right? So why not stick around and help out? Better than bringing in outsiders, don't you think?”

“And you agree with this?” Esme address her husband. “You think this is a good idea? Getting me even more involved in this than I already am?”

“I trust you,” he says.  “If there's anyone I want having my back...”

“This is fucked!” she cries. “You're both insane. What in the actual hell is wrong with the two of you? Where did all the common sense go? Both of you used to have tons of it and now it's just gone. It's disappeared.  How does any of this make sense? How do I go from being the intel person to suddenly being tactical back up? Explain to me where this all went wrong.”

“You don't have to actually go in,” Tyler explains. “Just be there. Like G was in Dhaka when I went to see Ovi's captors.”

“Just be there in case you're needed,” Yaz adds. “You know this is going to go to shit. They're going to have a lot of fire power. And Tyler can't get those two kids and himself out of there and be one hundred percent effective when engaging. It's impossible. Not with two little kids tagging along. Just hang out. Find a nice high perch somewhere. Wait and see if you're needed.”

“This is crazy,” she runs her hands over her face. “This is just all so crazy. What are the chances of any of us actually surviving this?”

“Did you make it out of Dhaka?” Tyler inquires. “Did I not find a way to keep you alive? To get you across the bridge?”

“That's not the same thing and you know it.”

“I'll get you out of this too, ” he says. “I promise.”

****

“Talk to me,” Nik says in trademark fashion.  “Who has information?”

“Esme knows the Buckmans. ” Yaz speaks up, and his sister arches a quizzical -yet extremely interested-  eyebrow.

“I don't know them. I know of them. There's a huge difference.”

“What do you know?” Nik asks.

“I only what I've heard through the grapevine. In the circles that I travelled in. Word gets around. Especially about families like that. The old man was killed ten years ago. Everyone suspected it was a hit, but no one every really knew for sure. It was all hearsay. Water cooler chatter.  And I saw his file. His rap sheet was enormous. There were charges on there that should have had him rotting away in jail. Yet he always found a way out of and around things.”

“Are they dangerous?”

“They were back then. When the old guy was running things. I've been out of this for five years, Nik. I'm not exactly up on all the gossip. They were powerful. Probably the most powerful crime family out there. But they were quiet about it. Always flying under the radar. But people knew about them and people feared them and that was enough. They had access to all kinds of shit. Money can buy you a lot of toys. Extremely dangerous and scary ones. So if the daughter really is running the show...”

“She has the same kind of resources and money available to her,” Nik concludes.  

“And the pictures,” Esme taps her fingernails on one hand against the tabletop as she speaks, using the other hand to bring up the photos of Heather Buckman on the laptop. “The ones someone gave to Tyler. The ones with the kids are very real. There's no doubt about that. You can't fake that kind of terror in someone's eyes. Especially kids. But the wife? Those are not real, Nik. It gets more and more obvious every time I look at them. First of all, it makes no sense to keep mother and kids in two different spots. That's two separate places you have to constantly man and monitor. Second, she's only been given a minor working over.  Nothing like the kids. The hair was a nice touch, but it was too much.  Too much effort into trying to make something look real.”

“Any way of figuring out where she or the kids are being held?”

“Based just on those pictures? No. There's thousands of places that could look just what it's in the photos. Without actually narrowing down locations, it's impossible. What's the chances of going into McMann's house?”

“I can get you into anywhere you feel the need to be,” Nik confidently declares. “What are you thinking?”

“I'm not even sure to be honest. But maybe there's something there that can give us some sort of clue. It's a long shot. But...”

“I'll arrange it and contact you. In the meantime, I have a couple places for you to check out. I want you go in and ask some questions. Tell them that you're a journalist from over the pond that received an anonymous tip that there's trouble brewing between the IRA and a New Zealand crime family. That should be enough to loosen some lips. Charm them. Get them to warm up to you. Flirt with them if you have to. Pull out all the stops. I don't care how far you have to go to get information. Just get it. I'm sending the address to your SAT. It's a bar in downtown Belfast. Owned by an active IRA member.”

“She's not going alone.” Tyler speaks up. “No way. Not into something like that.”

“You tag along but you stay outside,” Nik says. “I don't want you in there. They'll recognize you when they see you and we can't have the two of you being connected in any way.  Stay across the street. Or somewhere they won't spot you. But no more than a hundred yards away. Make sure you're armed. Just in case.”

“She should be armed too,” he suggests.

“They'll make her for sure. We can't take that chance. She goes in alone and does what she needs to do. You stay outside and keep an eye on things. You only go in if things go to shit and you have no other choice. Understand me?”

He nods.

“I have someone coming to meet you. He'll be there between six and nine pm, you're time. He's from Dublin. He's reliable. He's bringing you some more ammo and some weapons. He's on the up and up. You can trust him. Have you talked to McMann? Does he know that you're onto him?”

“I'm meeting with him tomorrow morning,” Tyler says.  “He wants to talk. See where we are at with things. To be honest, I want to fucking strangle him.”

“Well try not to. I know you're pissed. And I understand it. But you should let him know. That you know everything he told you about his New Zealand extraction was a lie. Maybe if you lose it on him it will get him to talk. He knows more than he's letting on. Maybe seeing you pissed will scare some sense into him. Tell him everything. About the pictures. About the threats against your family. Lean on him and lean on him hard. As hard you can without physically hurting him.”

“I vote that Tyler at least gets to throw one punch,” Yaz pipes up. “To the throat. Nice and hard.”

Esme nods in agreement.

“Yaz,” his sister address him now. “I've got someone meeting up with you with some new technology. High tech. Ways that we can all communicate without it being noticeable. Ear wigs, bugs, things like that. Inconspicuous. The old radios won't cut it. Too noticeable. I'm sending you his information and you can reach out to him and arrange something.”

“Where are we at on this Erin girl?” Tyler inquires. “The one that showed up at my room.”

“I've done all the digging I can do,” Nik replies. “There is no Erin Ferguson in Belfast that matches her description. I don't know if Esme would have more luck.”

“I can try,” she offers. “But there's only so much I can do. Without facial recognition software and other high tech shit like that, my hands are pretty well tied. I can see if there's any security footage of her entering or leaving the hotel and maybe I'll get lucky with image search on google. But that's a big 'if', Nik.”

“See what you can do. I'm not expecting miracles.”

“How's things there?” Tyler asks.  

“There's been no sign of anything even remotely suspicious. No threats. Nothing. But I'm going to stay here and keep the detail I have. Ovi and Chloe are handling things. The kids are happy. Calm. Well, as calm as they can be. You know what you're kids are like. Calm doesn't exactly describe them well.  But they're fine. They miss you guys.  I didn't realize how much they look and act just like you, Tyler.  It's kind of unnerving. Scary even. You have some seriously strong genes.”

Esme nods in agreement, and he gives her a wink and a smile and takes her hand under the table.

“We've come up with a plan,” Yaz informs his sister. “When it comes to tactical support. For when it comes time for Tyler to get the kids out. It's going to be hard. Juggling two kids and fighting back. Because you just know the shit is going to hit the fan and they're going to come at him and they're going to come at him hard. With everything they've got.”

“What kind of plan?” Nik asks.

“Esme can do it. She has the experience. She can just find a place to watch and wait from.  If things don't go wrong, then that's all she'll have to do. Watch. If things do blow up...”

“And they will,” Esme speaks up. “Because if Dhaka as bad as it did, this is going to go a hundred times worse. And that's being fatalistic. That's being realistic. These people? They're capable of bad shit. Horribly bad shit. They make Amir Asif seem tame in comparison.  Dhaka was a shit show.  This is going be Dhaka on a massive dose of steroids.”

“But will you do it?” Nik asks.  “Can you do it? Because I think we all understand if you can't.”

Esme sighs, pushes her hair behind her ears.  “I can do it,” she confidently.  “I don't want to do it. But I will.  Only because it's Tyler.”

****

They make love. The drapes drawn across the window; rays of sunlight poking through the small gaps in the fabric. His hands on her hips as she straddles him; guiding every slow, deliberate movement. Sex has always been what they do. A coping mechanism. The most pure yet raw way of experiencing the deepest and most primal form of intimacy.   Driven out of need and desperation; fuelled by worry and stress and the fear that each time may be the last.  So many unknowns lying ahead of them. The future suddenly terrifying unstable.

When she comes undone -nails scrapping painfully down his chest, his name exploding from her lips- he gives her little time to recuperate. One strong arm wrapping around her waist and throwing her down onto her stomach, legs flat against the bed, a knee pushing her tights apart before settling himself between them. Pausing long enough to run the tip of his tongue all the way down the length of her spine; eliciting a whimper from her, her entire body trembling from both the new sensation and the aftermath of her powerful orgasm.  His hands running over her shoulders, fingertips grazing over her ribs and down to her hips, once more gripping them tightly as he pushes into her. The friction intense; the press of her body against the bed, the tightness of those barely spread legs, his hips sinking as far into her as they possibly can. A low, feral growl erupting from within his chest as he bottoms out inside of her.  Dropping his head, longer strands of hair brushing against her bare skin as his teeth nip at her shoulders and the back of her neck. Holding back as he revels in the sensation of being so deep inside of her, until her hand is lifting up and blindly grabbing at his hair; a clear indication for him to continue.  And he captures her hand in hers, holding her arm above her head, pinned to the mattress as he pulls out entirely and then slides back in with such force that it pushes her body up the body and causes her to cry out into the pillow underneath her.

His control is non existent. He'd felt it slipping away inside that conference room.  Everything was going to shit and he knew it.  The disaster was inevitable; looming on the horizon like some dark, threatening cloud that you can't possibly outrun.  Things have already gone so wrong. The worry and the fear are already overwhelming. The stress all consuming. And he is physically channels those emotions; using her body as a way to relieve some of the burden.  Bruising, painful thrusts that have her whimpering and crying out, his name repeatedly tumbling from her parched lips.  Her nails digging into his fingers with enough force to break the top layer of skin, her other hand grasping at the sheets below.  And he kneels above her, free hand sliding between her and the mattress, fingers pushing past her sopping lips to find her clit.  Slowly rubbing at it until the second orgasm hits; tears streaming down her face, his name being screamed loud enough for anyone in the hallway or adjacent rooms to here.  Continuing his ministrations until she's coming a third time; her eyes wide, delirious sounds escaping her. Fucking her until she can't quite possibly can't handle any more; both hands biting into her hips as he pushes his pelvis against her ass  and empties himself inside of her.  Sweat dripping from his brow, the droplets glistening on her bare skin.

Afterwards they rest.  Letting their bodies settle.  Their minds absorb -and fixate- on all of the information they'd be given early.  He lays on back,  a forearm over his eyes, a hand on Esme's hip as she naps on her side, ass tucked against his hip.  He hears her stir; the long, soft sigh that she releases, followed by her quiet, sleepy voice.

“Tyler?”

He switches positions, rolling over onto his side; front pressed tightly against her back. The hand that was on her hip now coming to rest on her shoulder; palm gliding all the way down her arm, fingertips passing over her wrist and down onto the top of her hand, then retreating and sliding back up again, until his hand settles on her ribs.  

“Yeah?” he asks, and presses a kiss to her shoulder.

“Are you okay? You seem...I don't know...different. Distant. Ever since the meeting with Nik.”

“I'm fine,” he assures her. “Just a lot on my mind.”

“Like?”

“Lots of things.  About us.  About you.”

“Bad things or...?”

“I'm just worried,” he admits.

“About?”

“You.”

She brings her arm across her body and places her hand over his, lacing their fingers together.

“I don’t want you going there,” he says.  “To that bar. Alone.”

“You’ll be outside. A hundred feet away.”

“Outside,” he stresses the word.  “You’ll be inside. Alone.”

“I’m only going in there to ask some questions,” she reasons. “See if I can’t lure them in. Get them to talk. Or send me in the direction of people who will. What do you think is going to happen?”

“They’re IRA,” he reminds her. “They’ll be armed. What if they make you?”

“They won’t. I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?”

She sighs, slipping her hand out of his and then rolling over to face him. Their heads sharing the same pillow, the ends of their noses practically touching.

His hand moves to her thigh now, stroking it softly.  

“Remember in the elevator?” she asks. “When that kid was armed and I was freaking out? And you said you weren’t some rookie?”

He nods.

“Well neither am I. This isn’t the first time I’ll be doing this. I spent years going into worse places. Mingling. Being accepted. Getting people to open up to me. I’ve deal with some pretty scary, hard core people and not once did I ever get made. You need to trust me, Tyler.”

“I do trust you. You’re my wife.  I trust you with my kids, don’t I?”

“It’s not the same thing and you know it. I’m not talking about the trust that comes with sharing a life together. Sharing a bed. Sharing children. I’m talking about the trust that comes with the job.”

His brow furrows. “You’re not in the job. You never have been. And I don’t want you to be.”

“Then why am I here?” she challenges.

“Because I need your help.”

“Which means I’m in this. Whether you like it or not. You brought me into this, Tyler. I was more than happy to stay home and take care of a house and give you babies and raise those babies. That is what you wanted. You made that clear as soon as we got married. You wanted a housewife. You wanted someone to give you kids. You wanted a family. You wanted everything your mother was and then some. And I went with it. Because I knew it was what you needed. I knew you needed that normalcy. That if you were going to successfully balance the job and a regular life, that you needed things a certain way at home. And I’ve given you that. Or I’ve tried to, at least.”

“You have. You know you have. And you know how much I love you. How much I love my kids. How much I love our life. And you’re right. I did need all of that. I still do.”

“But I had a life before you. I had a life before all of this. Before marriage and kids.”

“I know.”

“And it bothers you to even think about. You hate thinking about what I was like before you. But this was my life, Tyler. Before you ever existed in it. I lied to people. I conned them. I made them trust me. Then I let other people…people like you…destroy them. And I was good at it. Damn good. Other mercenaries trusted me. So why don’t you?”

He regards her intently, drawing in a long, shaky breath, teeth grazing against his bottom lip. “Because it’s different.”

“How? And I’m not trying to be difficult. I’m genuinely curious. How is it different?”

“Because you weren’t married to any of them. I’m your husband. The father of your kids. They didn’t have any ties to you. I do.  I love you. And I don’t want anything happening to you.”

“You trusted me in Dhaka,” she points out.

“Dhaka was different.”

“How so?”

“Because it fucking was,” his last shred of patience finally snaps, and he hates himself for it.  How he doesn’t have a logical and sound explanation for why he feels the way he does. “Things were different then,” he attempts, and rolls over onto his back, running his hands over his face before sitting up and leaning back against the headboard. “We were different then.”

“We were just fucking then, you mean. Back then, I meant nothing to you. I was just some desperate and lonely girl. A warm body for you to occupy yourself with. It was easier for you that way.  To just let me do what I needed to do because I meant absolutely nothing to you. It wouldn’t have mattered back then if something happened to me.”

He gives a derisive snort and shakes his head, then reaches for a bottle of water on the nightstand. “That’s bullshit and you know it. You meant something. Even then. I don’t know what it was.  I can’t explain what I felt. I just know I felt it. I just know you meant something. Stop tying to fucking psychoanalyze me all the time. I know what I felt. About you. About what was happening. I shouldn’t have to explain it.”

“It was sex, Tyler. There’s nothing wrong with admitting it. That that’s all it was.”

“That’s not all it was.  Maybe it started out that way.  Maybe that’s all I wanted at first.  But it changed, okay? Some time in those five days. I don’t know when or how. Just that it did.  I knew I wanted more from you.  That we could have something fucking amazing if we actually tried.  If we trusted one another enough to try. And we were so close. So fucking close. To getting that. To getting to that boat and never looking back and just seeing where things took us.”

“Do you regret the path we had to take to get to where we are now?”

“I don’t regret anything. Do I sometimes wish things were different? That things didn’t go so wrong in Dhaka? I wish that all the time. That we just got across the bridge and got the fuck out of there. But we didn’t.   Things happened the way they did. We can’t go back and change that. Do I wish we could have had more time to get to know each other? Before we found out we were having a baby and decided to get married? Yeah. Sometimes I do wish that. Only because I think it would have been better for you.”

“Tyler, I have you. I have our kids. How much better do you think I need things to be?”

“I don’t mean better in that way. I mean…I don’t know…easier…” he swallows half the bottle of water, and she plucks it from his hand and finishes it before pushing herself up onto her knees and shuffling towards him.  “…don’t make me talk about these things. Please. Just don’t.”

“You’re doing fine,” she assures him, as she straddles his lap, a gentle smile on her lips as she pushes her fingers through his hair, nails scraping along his scalp before resting clasping her hands together at the nape of his neck. “What are you so scared of?”

“Nothing. I’m not scared of anything. I just don’t want to talk about shit like this. This isn’t me. You know that.”

“I think it is. Deep down. I think you need to talk about these things or you wouldn’t bring them up in the first place. Talk to me…” she pecks his lips, then rests her forehead against. “It’s okay…you can do this…you can be this way with me…you know that…”

He sighs, eyes closing as his palms run along her thighs, over her hips and up her back. Stopping briefly at her shoulders; fingers pressing into the flesh before his hands slide back down again, coming to rest of her sides.

“It’s okay…” she repeats. “Tyler…look at me…”

He opens his eyes. Brilliant blue locked on chocolate brown. And in that moment, Esme realizes that in almost six years, she’s never seen him like this. Not even when he was in the hospital fighting to not only heal, but to regain some sense of control over his life. Looking so confused and lost. Worried.

Vulnerable.

This big, strong and seemingly man for once wearing his heart on his sleeve.

“Tyler…you can say it. Whatever you need to say. You don’t have to do this. Keep things from me. Please. Just tell me. Talk to me.”

“Sometimes I think you hate me. For making things so hard on you.”

She blinks. “What?”

“For having to make the decisions you did. For having to give up your life. The job.  Everything changed when we met. Everything changed once things went to shit on that bridge. I changed. So did you. And you could have just walked away afterwards. But you didn’t.”

“Because I didn’t want to. Because I wanted to be with you. You didn’t force me to stay. I stayed willingly.”

“But things were hard. They sucked. Huge. You shouldn’t have had to see the things you did. Hear the things you did. You should have just left. When I was in the hospital. You should have just walked away. And sometimes I wonder if you wish you did.”

“Not once have I ever wished that. Not once have I ever hated you. I don’t regret giving up my life for you. Did it suck sometimes? Did I hate seeing you like that? Did I feel like shit because I couldn’t help you more than I already was? Did I hate seeing you in pain and suffering? Of course I did. I hated the circumstances. Not you.”

He nods slowly, eyes never leaving hers, searching for even the smallest hint of regret.

“Do I sometimes wish none of that ever happened? That things never went wrong in Dhaka? Of course I do. I wish every day that you didn’t have to go through what you did. That you didn’t have to suffer like you did. All those months of rehab and all the pain. I would take those away in a heartbeat and you know I would.  But everything else? Finding out we were having a baby? Deciding to get married? I don’t regret any of that.  I mean, you’re a pain in my ass…”

He gives a small chuckle.

“…but I don’t regret marrying you. Or having your children. And I’ve never hated you. Not even during our worst fights. When you’ve said some brutal and hurtful shit. Not even then. I love you. More than I ever thought I could love someone. And I meant what I said. That there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. But you need to trust me, Tyler. You wanted my help. You brought me into this. And now you have to trust me to do what I need to do. I know what I’m doing.”

“I can’t lose you,” his voice is barely above a whisper, those eyes still locked on hers. “I just can’t. You always talk about how scared you are to lose me. But I’m just as scared as you are. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t do this by myself. Take care of four kids. I just can’t.”

“Yes. You can. You would do it because you wouldn’t have any other choice.”

He shakes his head, finally turning his face away from her when the emotion becomes too much to handle. The rawness of the situation. The blatant, heart breaking honesty.

“You’re stronger and braver than you give yourself credit for,” she says, and presses a kiss to his temple.  “You’d be okay. And so would the kids.”

“I don’t…” the tears are hot and bitter as they trickle down his face.   “….can we not talk about this….please…I don’t want to talk about this…”

Placing a soft, tender kiss on his cheek, she lays on hand on the back of his head, encouraging him to rest it upon her shoulder.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” he whispers, and then clings to her, arms wrapped tightly around her slender body. “Please…” he begs, barely able to get the words out. “…don’t make me talk about this…”

She tightens her hold on him, one arm wrapped around his neck, the fingers of her other hand pressing into his scalp. “It’s okay,” she assures him.  “It’s okay, Tyler. I’ve got you.”

Those words hit with tremendous power.  And he surrenders. Finally giving in to all the fear and the worry.

His entire body shaking with the ferocity of his sobs.

[the-necessary-unnecessary]

Wait so in the NWSL a team can get rid of one of their players and ship them off to another team without their consent so they can get the best player coming out of college? So in that case Portland got rid of Sonnett to get Sophia Smith on their team? This system baffles me. Do players coming out of college get to pick their team? Sorry I think this is a long winded way for me to ask how do transfers/NWSL draft work together? What's your take on it? Sorry if you've been asked this before

yup you got it in one! Sorry for taking so long to reply, I just needed to set it all out properly and try to get my own facts in order. Also, if anyone else wants to jump in with corrections/more info then that would be very welcomed too!

So as an outline no, no one actually gets to pick where they end up, especially if you’re fresh out of college. So basically, for the college draft, teams get assigned a certain number of ‘picks’ they can have to chose from all the registered and eligible players coming out of elite sport environments (mostly NCAA but also NAIA and NJCAA - I recommend looking up overviews of these but basically they’re just levels of intercollegiate sports). With the college draft as a standalone, each team would get 4 picks (there’s 4 rounds with 9 players chosen in each). Although note: this will change next year when Louisville comes onto the picture but that will require an expansion draft which I’ll try to go into more detail about later. The system works so that each team is assigned a pick in the reverse order of the position they came in the league, eg. last year Orlando was initially given the first overall pick and NCC was given the ninth overall pick, which is called the Distribution Ranking Order. And basically these teams can chose any college-coming player that has registered to take part in the draft, with them having no decision-making influence over where they end up. 

There is also a thing where undrafted players can still get into a team if they like them enough. Basically they can invite players that weren’t part of the 36 draft picks to a preseason camp and select others from here too, eg. Reign’s Bethany Balcer who went on to be named rookie of the year last season. But again, no real choice in where you end up, you literally put your entire future in the hands of these clubs.

Now obviously this is just the easier theory, in practice the nwsl draft works alongside the trades, waivers and agreements that take place at the start of each natural year changing up the picking order as one of these can be traded for a player or for some other benefit like the rights to a pick the year after. So in the Sonnett case, the number one overall pick which ended up being Smith was traded to Portland in return for Sonnett, Caitlin Foord’s rights (she escaped Orlando by going to Europe but if she went back now she’d have to go to the Pride), and the seventh and 14th overall picks in the 2020 draft. However, each club must always have at least one spot for a pick and any trade where a spot is given must result in the team giving the better spot being given one in return (so in this case portland got the no1 pick and in return not only gave players to Orlando but also two lesser picks). To me it all just seems like an elaborate card games where the players really are no more than mere cards. 

The college draft doesn’t have to feature in every trade and agreement, trades can be done according to a simple exchange of players. However, financial agreements can never be involved and the league has to be fully aware to sort out the salary cap agreements etc. Note: financial agreements can never be involved in domestic transfers, however for international ones transfer fees were allowed for the first time last year to try and up the international standard in the league. This also differs with national team players who are considered allocated since they’re fees are paid by a Federation (namely the uswnt players who are paid by ussf rather than their nwsl club), and there are also a limited number of international players you can have on your team (last year it was four).

For more understanding on what the expansion draft will mean with the incorporation of Louisville for the 2021 season, I’d recommend checking out this post. But in short this new team will most likely be allowed to pick players from different teams for free as well as under trades later on (with certain rules and regulations in place of course) which once again don’t have much of a say unless they’re really established and high profile players (mostly but not only some of the uswnt squad) who have more of a leverage to refuse to move. But yeah, not much of a choice allround and all very messily intertwined. 

I’d recommend having a look at what went down in last year’s draft/trading season to get more of an idea of how everything is put into practise. And also the NWSL’s official rooster rules which covers everything in its basis from different definitions of terms, to the salary cap, to this whole mess about the trades and college draft. It’s even more longwinded than this (sorry about that lol) but well worth a read if my attempted explanation still hasn’t cleared thing up or if you just want to read more!

As for my actual take, well I understand how this whole elaborate process is important to maintain what already is a fragile league alive. It ensures a certain amount of equity between teams, it ensures that no team will suffer enough to fold and so that the league itself doesn’t crumble again. But for me these foundations are very wobbly still, it’s not a terribly sustainable league when it’s limited by so many different factors. I don’t think it’s great for the players either, not being able to chose where they play to me is so weird. And to an extent I get that it’s just the ‘American way’ and all elite sporting leagues function to some extent this way, but I genuinely don’t think you’re going to get the best out of players when you force them to go somewhere they don’t like. When you have to give up family and home for football and just having a total lack of liberty. Also there are examples of players flat out refusing to join teams (see Christen Press’ Houston Dash trade) and prefer to go abroad. Although again that’s a whole other kettle of fish that has already been discussed in the last few posts on this tag.

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

To Do List:

What's up, my Herd of Nerds?

Anyway, as you can tell, tomorrow is AU Sunday. But, because it's one after a 'my input' one, it's a follower input AU day! Yay!

So, send me your AUs and I'll put all of em in a hat to pick one randomly. The winner is picked and posted and we'll all try and make headcanons about your AU.

Done:

Zombie Apocalypse AU :: (https://hermitcraftheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/618314308275863552/zombie-apocalypse-au-masterpost)

Pirate AU ::

Currently In The Raffle:

-Toy Story AU.

-Ever After High/Descendants/Vaguely 'nex gen priness' AU.

-Eldritch Horror AU :: Or if that's a bit too out there, a more normal Monster AU. I don't care, but in my heart, I know Cleo is some kind of eldritch horror. Zombie is far too easy.

-Eldritch Monster AU! Hermits are all Lovecraftian horrors who all individually decided that they wanted to pretend to be normal and are all trying to hide their otherworldliness. I also feel like Mumbo or X or someone as the one actually "normal" player on the server would work well. Most hermits don't know that everyone else isn't normal either, but some find out about friends maybe.

-Rabid Debate Club AU :: Random weird au idea where it's basic hs/uni au but like two of them try to start a debate club, then invite some friends just so there's enough people; cut to like two months later, it's all the hermits just fighting over whether or not pineapple should go on pizza or not lol it isn't very good i'm sorry but ya know rabid debate club AU.

-Animal/shapeshifting AU :: (Suggested Twice.) Every hermit can shapeshift into one token animal. (If it's something like "dog," they can only turn into one breed and color of dog, EXAMPLE: doc can shift into a black sable belgian malinois, but not anything else.)

-Wedding Planners AU :: Hermits work in various unrelated businesses such as a bakery, flower shop, etc., but see each other semi-often bc they're semi-often called upon to work together by another hermit's wedding planning business (obvs if you couldn't tell i know absolutely nothing abt wedding planning & businesses n shit lol but it's the /concept/ of it yannknow)

-Avatar: The Last Air Bender AU. (Suggested Thrice.)

-Fusion AU :: (Also suggested by Anon.) (Suggested Twice.) What if Hermits could fuse with each other? (Viva and Jumbo fused into MumboJumbo.)

-SCP AU :: The hermits have spooky powers and are kept locked up bc of it (or they have to keep the world safe from monsters and cursed objects!)

-RPG AU :: I feel like someone already thought of that but I am just wondering about it lately :p -🍋

-Adventure Time AU :: The hermits live in a post-apocalyptic world and the Lich (bad guy) is making everything decay. They need to gather all the gems (belt colours) to unlock the Enchiridion (a book) and have one wish each granted from Prismo (multiverse wish granting dude) before the Lich does. Only 4 elements can enter the multiverse: Slime (The Lich & Jevin), Redstone (Tango or Mumbo?), Ice (Stress), and Dirt (Grian, much to his dismay). Only the elementals can see the book. Grian's the protagonist with his sidekick Scar. He originally started collecting the belts because they were shiny but eventually decided to read the book and find out what they were for when Scar said he didn't see it. Doc, False, and Iskall are major obstacles because they don't believe the book exists.</p>

-Total Drama Island AU.

-Magical Girl AU :: Zedaph's the lead magical girl and rounds up a bunch of other magical girl hermits.

-Pokeman AU :: What are the Hermit's roles in this world? Who's the Champion, Elite Four. Are they scientists? Trainers? Do they compete in competitions, do they specialize in types? Who's everyone's starter? Has anyone encountered any legendaries?

-College AU

-High School AU

-Wizard101 AU :: I (🦊) recently got this AU idea and recently started going off somewhere with it in terms of writing, but, like, Hermitcraft meets Wizard101. Tons and tons of magical shenanigans, monster hunting, and idk what else.

-Magic AU

-My Hero Academia AU :: Headcanons can be about which hermits would have what quirks and occupations based on them.

-So I'm writing an AU where there's a second game of Demise but 5 years later. So far the first 2 hermits (Joe and Xisuma) have died, and their dead forms are cracked with an arrow in his chest (Xisuma) and cyborg (Joe). So since it's Saturday, I'm looking for what some skins would look for.

-City AU :: I mean this is really just a normal everyday AU.

-School AU.

-Terraria-Minecraft Fusion AU :: Who chooses what class? what events do each hermit prefer? how to they deal with the world infections? preferred biomes? Favourite NPCS? It has potentiallllll.

-70s/80s Teen Horror AU :: (like Stranger Things, Carreie, The Lost Boys, Halloween, etc.) -🦇

-Demi-God AU :: Sort of like percy jackson (everyone being the children of different gods from all different cultures.)

-Supernatural AU

-Marching Band AU :: Xisuma is the band major and all the show music is the remixes. I need to come up with some ideas for uniforms. Outfits and flags for the colorguard too.

-Different Eras AU :: (Suggested Twice.) All the hermits are from different time periods or eras. Like Wels is from the mediveal/dark era, Mumbo is from 1890-1920's, Iskall is from 2030, TFC is from 2020(?), Cleo is from 2130, etc!!! Like the mobs/animals became feused with humans, is when the mob players came from.

-Star Trek AU :: Like maybe they could be on one ship and each have different roles like engineers or doctors? I don’t know if this has been suggested but hope you enjoy! - 🐦

-House Mates AU :: ApartmentAU but scaled down?

-Atlantis AU :: (Could be merged with Mermaid AU???)

-Fighting Game AU :: Some influences would be Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and Ultra Instinct, that kind of stuff.

-Time loop AU :: The hermits each have to deal with their own time loop.

(All those above in red are from our community's lovely Anons!)

-Superhero/superpower AU :: They each have a unique power/powerset that is in some way connected to their personality. (ie Mumbo *could* control electricity because of his love of redstone) Some Hermits may even choose to be "villains" and prank their other servermates. If you need power ideas, I've got a couple. (12u3ie)

-Daycare AU :: The recap peeps are the caretakers :P (-@tikauniverse.)

-Incredibly Long Cross Country Train Ride AU :: they all are in the same train car, telling stories of where they’re going, backstories.)

-Stuck In An Airport AU :: pretty similar to train au but they can be going diff places.

-Doctors AU :: they’re all doctors working at the same hospital.)

-Circus AU (Also suggested by an Anon.) (Suggested Twice.)

-Spy AU (Also suggested by @shadeswiftdraws.) (Suggested Twice.)

-Runaways AU :: The hermits are all teenagers who have run away from home, they all live on the streets until TFC takes them in. Head canons can be about backstories, living on the streets, or when they’re with TFC.

-Criminals and Police Officers AU

(-@lookitsspacekween)

-Dancer AU :: I mean, I already got a list kind of planned out, but headcanons for why specific styles are chosen would be appreciated! :) (usedtobelucythefallenangel)

-Broadway/Musicals Hermits AU :: The hermits are all casts of various musicals and when this newly-built theater opens up they all fight for which musical gets to play in it first (they have a riff-off maybe?) musicals mainly included are Hamilton, BMC, DEH, SiX, Beetlejuice, etc (feel free to add more!) (-@heyitsroby.)

-DnD AU (Also suggested by Anon.) (Suggested twice.)

-Mermaid AU :: In honor of the end of Mermay

-Space exploration AU :: There could be different ships, command centers, aliens.... Maybe someone could even get stranded/crash on a new planet? Who knows, could be fun.

-Paranormal/ghost hunter AU :: A couple Hermits could be the ghost hunters going to haunted locations to prove/disprove their hauntedness, others could be camera crew, owners of haunted buildings, or even the ghosts themselves.

-Camping/Vacation AU.

-Summer Cottage AU :: They all spend summers/weekends along the same shoreline and do different summer activities together. Outdoor fun and shenanigans!

-Space AU :: like star trek or similar.

-I would say evil clone au but I think that's pretty much the entire Hermitcraft tumblr right now lol. (Suggested twice.)

(-@shadeswiftdraws.)

-Magic AU :: Magic exists and all the hermits have powers. They can also summon a weapon but what that weapon is depends on the hermit. I'm thinking it'll take place in a sort-of Demise 2 in S7 with a big war. So far I've got: Grian - Cloning himself to his different personas (each has a different power). Xisuma - Making barriers, teleporting, and transforming into different mobs. Scar - Making mutant plants & boosting other hermits' attack & health. (-@datsaltyperson.)

-Demon AU :: Something enters the overworld and turns into a supernatural style-demon through Dimentional Distortion. Who gets posessed first, who goes crazy, and who actually kills it? Honestly I think that, if anything, Tango would know how to gank it, for obvious reasons. (-@fireflower-dusk.)

-High Street AU :: Everyone owns a different shop on the same street or some run a shop together (-@violets-arepurple.)

-Cat AU :: Either they're were always cats, or Hels turned everyone, including himself, into a cat, and they have to survive and overcome challenges in the Season 7 world. An example of a challenge would be Cub's a Sand Cat(the cats that always look like kittens no matter how old they are and live in deserts), and everyone's not sure if he can actually swim, so they have to find a way for him to get around without involving water. (-@scp10000.)

-How about a secret AU.. Every hermit has their big secrets and when Grian joined. He doesn't really know anything about those secrets even till season 7. Not many hermits talked to him in S6 anyway.. Mumbo was the closest to him so they would have regular chats For Iskall is mostly business related things Grian wants to know why so he set out on a quest to force the others to at least talk to him so he wouldn't be lonely. (-@babylightstudentbiscuit.)

-Hermit Family AU :: Xisuma is very busy dad but when he isnt busy the kids and younger hermits annoying the hell out of him. Grian once asked to use Xisuma's computer and crashed the whole thing trying to download illegal gamesites and get money off the internet. Mumbo and his trains run through the entire house and Xisuma trips on them daily. (-@gamerutx.)

-College AU!! But they are not students. THEY ARE THE TEACHERS (-@ivi-prism.)

Ones I planned to do anyway but Hermitblr Hivemind and all that:

Battle of The Bands AU: i believe u once mentioned a bands/ battle of the bands au... thats my jam... (Anon.)

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hi! I love your youtube channel & I think you're super cool! I'm a newer follower and was wondering if you could give a summary of the concept of Fostered---it sounds like a really interesting series!

Aww thank you!

Yes I can!! Fostered is too thicc for me to give extensive summaries (unless y’all want this) and there is very little you need to know from the earlier books to understand the current ones! That’s because as myself and the series have aged, its genre, age category, and plot points have changed!

Here’s a small outline of the main characters:

Reeve

Protagonist + narrator for all “main” Fostered books

Sister of Lonan

Will write salty breakup songs about people she was never in a relationship with

Bi as fuck!

Foster

Was once Reeve’s boyfriend?? no??

Best friend of Harrison

Will write love songs about tofu

Ace as fuck!!!

Harrison

Best friend of Foster

Also Reeve’s best friend!

Sort of love-interest of Lonan (we’re getting there lol)

Will write love songs about waffles

Gay! as! fuck!

Protagonist of Moth Work

Lonan

Reeve’s brother!

An antagonist for a good chunk of this series

Will not write love songs he has no heart (he does I am just mean)

Also bi as fuck!! Everyone is bi in that family lol we love it

Here’s a breakdown (CW: there’s a lot of violence/convo about mental illness/potentially triggering content in these summaries, so tread with caution):

Fostered (book 1) to Resisted (book 3):

These books (Fostered, Hunted, Resisted) are probably the most harmonious out of the 6 (7 including Moth Work) so far! That’s because for a long time, I believed Fostered would end at three books (initially a standalone, then duology). They’re all closely linked through the “foster homes” plot (hence the name of the series) and are obviously the most dystopian of the books (all three are also YA). You can feel the 2014 dystopian vibes in this book lol. I wrote this summary 5 years ago for my first ask ever and it sums up that idea:

The book takes place in the not-too-distant future where children who’ve committed crimes, are neglected, or have chosen to, are sent to behavioural detention centres – what everyone else that’s not the government like to call ‘foster homes’. The story revolves around a fifteen-year-old girl named Reeve who’s lived two years in a ‘foster home’ after being accused of her sister’s murder. Following an accident that she caused which subsequently led to her escape of her foster home, she stumbles across a group of kids, who like her, have gone through the lifestyle and also have escaped. She makes an alliance with them and everything seems in its place until she finds out that a team of hunters are searching for her because of the same accident. Unable to remember anything that happened from the event, she then learns that maybe all things don’t point to her – what really happened on the day she escaped? 

(props to 14-year-old me for writing this)

I wrote these three books so quickly (though at the time, as a thirteen-year-old, it felt like drafting took forever). I started Fostered in October of 2014, and by May of 2015, I was halfway through Resisted :))))). How?? These books are all above 85k??? I could never!!!

FOSTERED (book 1 - YA dystopian):

Follows the above plot. What isn’t mentioned above is how this book starts. We start with Reeve (15 at the time–a baby!!!) chillin in an abandoned storage unit she was hoping to use as shelter. HOWEVER, plot twist of the season–there are already people there!

She’s semi-ambushed by these people who she later learns are our good ol’ pals Foster and Harrison. The boys are also taking care of a 6-year-old girl named Essie who they love fiercely!! They’re sketched out by Reeve, which we later find out is because–they! know! her! 

Foster, Harrison, and Reeve were actually all the closest pals in a ‘foster home’ they called WAFFLE. Reeve forgets that during the disastrous accident she causes that separates them (she blows up the foster home lmaooo) but lookie here–the squad is reunited! Eventually everyone comes to love each other (though it ain’t like that in the beginning) + Foster and Reeve have a romance which I find so bizarre now?? They would never.

The squad is being “hunted” by a group of “chasers” (I LOVE dystopian lool) headed by a woman named Red who is actually?? a badass? She tries to kill them a bunch of times, Reeve kills Lonan’s sister by using her as a human shield, Essie dies, I’m awful!

HUNTED (book 2 - YA dystopian):

After Essie’s death, the group is shook! Harrison especially as he is *soft* and the “leader” of the group. To protect his other ducklings who are now the most sought after people in America lmao (Foster and Reeve), he does something SCANDALOUS and joins the *government* AKA all the evil people putting innocent children in these awful detention centres. What a 180! Essentially, he does this to purposefully manipulate investigations into Foster and Reeve away from them, but Reeve doesn’t know this so she’s cheesed when she finds out (she feels #betrayed)!

Harrison’s departure of the group triggers the group’s breakup. Harrison joins an *elite* section of the government that *I believe* tries to wrangle runaway foster kids?? This group is lead by our other good pal Lonan and this is the first book he appears in! He takes Red’s place as antagonist in this book.

The group also includes Holly, a badass who is also Foster’s older sister (and also Lonan’s first serious girlfriend)! She’s scary! She also dies by hanging in a blood-drinking cult mid-way through this book! don’t! ask! Margo is this group’s tech analyst, and she’s a mentally distant hippie (and Harrison’s first and last serious girlfriend which obvi didn’t work out lol he’s gay!) Idk what Harrison’s job was here, but he learns techy stuff from Margo!

This book is important because it establishes Lonan, who continues to be a pivotal character as the series progresses. It also establishes Lonan and Harrison’s relationship. Obvi Lonan is the antagonist in this book and won’t make his redemption arc for another 1book lol, but him and Harrison have a bit of a bizarre relationship. Though they’re almost rivals, they almost adore being each other’s rivals (but don’t tell them that)? After Harrison leaves Lonan’s team, the squad essentially is *hunted* by them, hence the book title lol. 

By the end of this book, a few important things happen! Lonan kills Margo (remember, Harrison’s first and last girlfriend lol, we could say Lonan was killing his competition lol is that too much), this obviously reinforces his role as bad guy! After the book’s events, Lonan eventually overtakes the group and they’re all imprisoned! Love it!

RESISTED (book 3 - YA dystopian):

This is my favourite Fostered book because there’s just so much tea! We start in “headquarters” AKA Lonan’s pride and joy! After he kills off his old boss so he can be Ultimate Antagonist (actually because she essentially killed his girlfriend ahaha), he’s the Man in Charge and power trippin like crazy. 

Reeve is separated from Foster and Harrison who are also in HQ because she’s mentally unwell. Lonan has given her the job of executing people (because he is evil) which she ain’t diggin! so Lonan takes it upon himself to address her mental health concerns (which obviously isn’t helping because they mutually hate each other). 

Eventually, Reeve barters with Lonan for what she wants by using Holly’s death (which only she and Foster witnessed) as leverage. As I mentioned above, Lonan essentially kills/drives away his entire *elite government squad* which means! He needs another one! Reeve uses this as an opportunity and says WELL you COULD hire Foster and Harrison. Lonan does and VOILA we suddenly have a new squad!

This is really where we build a relationship between Lonan and Reeve who have previously done nothing but try to kill each other! They actually bond in this bizarre kind of way. While they still don’t like each other, they mutually understand each other more than Foster and Harrison do as in many ways, Lonan and Reeve have both done the same awful things (lots of killing people :))). 

This all builds up to the epic reveal that they are actually half siblings (they share a mother) and oh DOES THE TEA START BOILING. This news causes major tension in the OG squad (Reeve, Foster, Harrison) as Foster and Harrison think Lonan has done too many irredeemable things to be forgiven, despite the fact that he and Reeve are related. They are right! However, Reeve isn’t so quick to decide. 

She and Lonan go through a lot together (including kidnapping! attempted murder! An explosion! Reeve pretending to be a corpse!) which are still some of my favourite things to re-read and the reason I love this book the most out of all the books I’ve written. This is where #redemption arc occurs!

This book is too long for me to cover everything, but essentially their relationship is the most important! The book ends when the squad (now joined by Lonan) is forced out of hiding because Reeve is injured and actually needs real medical attention! This leads to ANOTHER separation, with Reeve heading back to a foster home for the first time in a few years!

Hollowed (book 4) to Rewired (book 6)

HOLLOWED (book 4 - YA (?) dystopian (?))

Book four is my least favourite book of the 6 and that’s because it’s melodramatic and I was finding my writing style! It’s not quite appropriate for YA because of its violent subject matter, but wouldn’t appeal to adults, so it’s a bit category-less. Dystopian elements still exist, but are less relevant, so it’s also a bit muddled in term of genre.

All you need to know in terms of events are that Reeve meets someone named Lincoln in the foster home she’s put in (see previous) who ends up being a horrifically abusive person. He sort of shifts into the role as antagonist, though from this book on, the lines between good guys and bad guys blur. Hollowed also introduces a new character–Glenne! Glenne is Lonan’s second serious girlfriend and remnants of this relationship still show up in current Fostered spinoffs (tho she will be irrelevant in Houses With Teeth most likely). 

SPLINTERED (book 5 - YA?????)

The genre and category of this book are impossible to define. We continue almost where we left off in book four, and this book is pretty unremarkable in terms of events lol. The squad remains the same, except toward the end, we’re introduced to Darren, a dude from California who hears about Lonan’s *elite government squad* (before the government disowned him) and hopes they can help him locate his missing brother (tho he don’t reveal this until book six). 

This book is mostly about Lonan’s declining mental health that still has not gotten better. Some hints of Lonan and Harrison’s relationship getting closer are also dropped in this book.

REWIRED (book 6 - Adult (???) literary fiction sometimes???)

The category of this book is bizarre. It begins as weirdly maybe almost YA, but dips into adult literary fiction at some points. This book is where I really grasped my style and so the genre and category reflect that transition. 

What you need to know about Rewired is the progression of Darren and Reeve’s relationship as it goes from acquaintances to PALS to MORE THAN PALS to I don’t! want to be! your! pal! This book is so weird and disjointed because of this transition away from YA dystopian and into adult literary fiction. We also get even more Lonan and Harrison relationship development as Reeve meddles her way into business that is not hers!

MOTH WORK (spinoff - no categories anymore I have no idea)

The most recent Fostered book! We finally get to see Lonan and Harrison’s relationship on the page and oh boy! Is there tea! As Lonan struggles to grasp trauma from childhood, and Harrison struggles to help him, their relationship goes to places it ain’t never been before! This eventually leads to a much needed separation where Lonan explores a new relationship with Eliza (his father’s ex oooooof) and Harrison figures out what he needs in order to live a healthier, happier life. MW is a bridge between book six and seven.

HOUSES WITH TEETH (book 7 - adult literary fiction *I’m hoping*)

I have yet to write this book, but we’re back in Reeve’s head! Here’s a synopsis I’ve shared before:

After escaping a toxic relationship, twenty-year-old Reeve disappears for the second time in one year. She’s drawn to Wicker, a mealy town outside New York City, whose disappearances of affluent girls has caught her attention. The day she arrives, a sinkhole buries one of them in the front yard of her new home, a fixer-upper she shares with estranged friend, Foster. Quickly she falls prey to speculation by herself and others, who try to connect her to the tragedy. And even stranger, false recognitions as the girl in the ground, and the many other missing Wicker girls make her feel more and more like one of them–these alluring, unknown women. 

This book is very much my vibe now as a writer, however, it’s been difficult to re-integrate back into Reeve’s head with all Fostered’s dystopian elements removed! I don’t have much else to share about this book since I know so little about it, but it is essentially my current project.

So I hope that was helpful! There’s a lot of unexplored territory that I worry might be impossible to get into because I legitimately do not remember a lot @sarahkelsiwrites calls me a fake fan lol (I genuinely am), but if y’all ever want to know more, I am 100% down to share whatever! This was also a lot of info so if y’all have questions, send ‘em in!

Enjoy this abridged version of Fostered!

–Rachel

[cloudbatcave]

Cloud Plays White: Finale

This is a long one, folks, since I realized I had a bit in my notes I had forgotten about and only found after I posted this, lol, so I have now edited it in.

when we last left off I was criticizing Alder for being useless in apprehending Ghetsis and Iris for not just taking me to Drayden’s house herself when it is Right Fucking There. 

So I’m still futzing around Opelucid here.

“No way, without pokemon, I’ll be lonely and sad! …but am I just using my pokemon, then?”

wow, seems there’s some brain cells there after all. you keep exercising those, brah.

I run into a guy who thinks that it’s okay for team plasma to take pokemon from weak trainers, even though he considers himself one and feels bad for the people they rob.

There’s another dude in the same room who used to be part of team plasma but left because it was weird for him that everyone thought the same way.

See, I appreciate this part of the game’s writing - I wish there was more stuff like this, people who are conflicted and their viewpoints being front and center instead of the simplistic garbage we’re fed by Iris and Alder and company.

Though there’s an absolute nut job who says that despite the years he’s trained with his pokemon he’ll let it go if it makes it a perfect being and I am just not even gonna unpack all the lunacy there.

There’s a kid who thinks that just because N has the legendary pokemon, he must be the hero.

I am very concerned about everyone in Unova being so gullible.

“Your Scrafty looks like it can try a little harder.”

WELL FUCK YOU TOO RANDOM LADY??? LAD DOES HIS BEST AND I WILL NOT HAVE HIM SLANDERED THIS WAY

I finally go to Drayden’s and get told how the original dragon performed mitosis and now we have two dragons and also they once destroyed the region with fire and lightning but it’s chill.

“People may hurt pokemon even more by imposing their selfish thoughts on them. But no matter what, Pokemon and people believe in each other, need each other, and will continue to live together…”

Drayden is smarter and more nuanced than like, anyone else, why is he not a main character.

Iris chips in about how much she can’t forgive Plasma and Drayden mentions they don’t know how to wake up Zekrom.

Well, to be fair, I’d be very surprised if they did.

Off to the gym, this’ll be interesting since I have no ice or dragon moves on my team.

I get through the trainers okay, now time to fight Daffodil.

Her Haxorus was a bit tricky but nothing I couldn’t handle, and when I walk out Juniper shows up.

And somehow she knows how to resurrect Zekrom. Cool!

She blahs about how it’ll wake up when it deems someone worthy and talks about how much I’ve changed and shows me to the gate where the route to the pokemon league is.

“Chirae? Do you regret setting out on your pokemon journey?”

UH.

MAYBE?

mmm, that’s not fair to my pokemon though - nigh everyone around me may be looney tunes or incompetent, but they’ve been good pals.

So I hit “no” after all.

and she gives me a master ball. dope.

I make it to the gates of victory road and I honestly really like the bit where each section of them is themed after the badges! That’s a nice touch, I think that was only also done in the FRLG remakes if I recall correctly. It makes it feel a lot more ceremonious and important.

Ah here come my two idiots.

Bianca asks Cheren to smile and he’d probably implode if he did. He finally isn’t an asshole though, good for him.

The bug badge guard tells me to “fight valiantly like an insect” which is funny but I guess does make sense. Ants can fuck some stuff up, man.

Honestly I want to be a badge gate guard, seems like a fun job.

Also, I caught an excadrill in a raid the day I wrote this, and caught an excadrill in this game. Their pokedex entry includes this gem:

“Their tunnels can be destructive to subway systems”

Given the battle subway exists in this game, their insurance payments must be obscene. Imagine getting your match interrupted by a giant mole with metal fists that doesn’t give a fuck.

I named her Beans. She looks like a Beans.

I also caught a Deino. The Irate Pokémon that can’t see and tackles people to learn about its surroundings. I feel a kinship with this creature.

I named him Mezzo for laughs.

And I managed to get myself back to the beginning of victory road. Good job, cloud.

Okay I think I’ve found the right path, found a new dude to beat up which is a good sign. Apparently he’s lost too.

Love when a trainer switches out to a Pokémon mine doesn’t have a type advantage against and it gets wiped in two hits anyway. Death is inevitable.

“I’ve thought about what I can do to help my Pokémon win and I finally figured out the answer!”

Is it git gud?

Flame charge raises my speed, opponent’s klang uses automotize to prove it can do that too, dies because it’s too busy trying to go fast.

Then I get nailed by a flare blitz. Darmanitan is toxic to gen 5 nuzlocke runs, I swear. Especially since I have no one on my hodgepodge team resistant to fire. At least my unfezant is faster.

“Read what your opponent wants to do. Your opponent is human and may change plans from moment to moment. Be careful!”

There’s some meta joke to be made there but I’m not thinking of anything witty. Something something AI having a point even if not in this context.

Back to the beginning again but I think I know what I need to do now.

I looked at a walkthrough to check, tho, lmfao. Was tired of climbing up there only to fall down the wrong spot.

“There’s an item at the bottom! Do you want to slide all the way down?”

You’re the devil talking and you tempt me but I will ignore your silver tongue for now.

So I’m at the league and I thought Cheran would pop out of the bushes before I got here. That’s weird. I could swear he fights me one last time before I challenge the elite four.

NO CHERAN. OKAY. WHAT. IS MY GAME GLITCHED??

I guess not! Huh.

All right then. Time to try and see if I can win with my very unbalanced team.

Lmfao yeah my first attempt against the ghost trainer crashed and burned. Literally, thanks to her Chandelure. Very glad I saved on the outside. TIME TO GO TRAIN MORE.

No Marty, you may not learn wild charge, this is a no recoil moves household, self harm is bad.

Some grinding later, I am ready to try again.

Shauntal gave me a little trouble but was much more manageable. Grimsley was easy, only his Krookodile gave me issues.

I really like the elite four battle areas in this gen, I do admit. Very aesthetic.

Ah shit I know that Musharna is coming.

Never mind, that pink and purple snoozeball went down easy. I didn’t have a single Pokémon faint.

Unless Marshal breaks the trend the fights have actually gotten easier as I went.

He actually was a bit tricky, gave me a good show.

Hello endless stairs, hello N and Alder, hello giant random castle that just explodes out of the ground somehow.

“What has just appeared is team plasma’s castle”

Thanks mate, never would’ve figured that out without you. Why do you need a castle. 

Oh wow, the gym leaders finally decided to be useful and fight the sages for me instead of letting extremists wander around unchecked.

Thanks y’all! Trying not being pointless more often!

“Ignoring team plasma...that would be a terrible thing for us gym leaders to do.”

You all already did that, Elena. I watched as Clay and Iris let these assholes go. We could have avoided this whole plot if literally any of you had done more earlier.

So the game says the castle was built by the Pokémon team plasma took but how the fuck did they like...work underground...you know what I’m not gonna even think about it too hard because it makes no sense and I know that. I must make my peace.

I also like how the castle is nonsensical and yet there’s a line of dialogue about how they’ll liberate the Pokémon in PCs too for their Master Plan(TM), which is surprisingly thoughtful. This game is so inconsistent with how much sense its lore makes. It’ll come up with something clever and then wear its underwear on its head the next minute.

“Will you go the Pokémon league?”

Hey what - WHY DID YOU TELEPORT ME HOW CAN YOU DO THAT. DO YOU HAVE AN ABRA OR WHAT

THAT WAS RANDOM

Well at least there’s someone there to randomly teleport me back too.

WHEEEEEE

Hi Reshiram, convenient how that mini fire tornado you made didn’t burn me or N.

Hi Zekrom, convenient how your lightning didn’t hurt us either, you’re a considerate chap

Aight, let’s see if I can catch this bastard

...I did and it only took me like five balls. Okay then.

N gave me a good fight, so there’s that.

Love how Ghetsis’s bouffalant kills itself via recoil from its own move and my scrafty’s rocky helmet.

He gave me a good fight too though.

I do like the ending, despite my issues with how the game presents its message. N is a great character and I appreciate what Nintendo was trying to do with the game’s plot, they just...didn’t really delve into it like they should have.

I’m glad I replayed it. I still have my issues with gen 5 but I see a lot more of its positives now.

We’ll see if I do any post-game content, I have gotten kind of attached to my grump-ass trainersona and his weird team.

[scni]

chicago’s very own addison sani has been spotted on madison avenue driving a  rolls-royce wraith , welcome ! your resemblance to greta onieogou is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty fourth  birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re reactive , but being  tenderhearted  might help you . i think being a  virgo  explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be walking out of a casino with double the money you walked in with, sunkissed skin all year round, drunkenly dancing on a table . ( my dad has ties to the mafia and when things started getting out of hand my mom forced him out of our lives what she doesn’t know is that i meet him for lunch every week ) & ( cisfemale + she/her  ) +  ( taylor , twenty , she/her , est )

wow ok guys , this took me alot longer than i expected ? i’m TIRED , lol . i’m taylor though , hi legends ! i’m 20 and live in the est + go by she / her pronouns . a little about me before we get to my lil baby — i spend too much time in the timewrap that is youtube where i’ll watch a ricky thompson video one minute then daily vlogs of a raccoon to mgk’s kelly vision vlogs true story , this MAY have happened while i was supposed to be getting this intro up 🥺 i’m a total music whore and love everything that has a good flow idc if it’s rap or country if it’s good it’s lit ! also heads up i have the attention span of a squirrel so if i don’t respond to a thread or ims it’s because im a dumb hoe , i still love ya . anyways , enough about me lets get this intro rolling ! give this a like if you’d like to plot . ALSO ? i know the background is a lil long it was honestly mostly for me to really flesh addison out and give me something to look back to , so if you wanna get to the point of the intro just skip the background ? there is a tl;dr after it followed by her personality / secret / stats + some basic wcs toward the end of the post !

*   𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝   !

addison mikhailovna sani , was born in saint petersburg , russia where she grew up in a home too big to even be referred to as a house . she wasn’t the first child of ivanka and mikhail but she definitely was their first planned child . a couple that met early in their twenties , had their moments but at the end of the day they loved one another . both extremely traditional and their beliefs , they were given no choice but to accelerate their love story when they turned up pregnant with their son . he was a beautiful and happy little boy , but posed a threat the ivanka and mikhail’s pretty storybook life they wanted to set up for themselves . obsessed with staying on some sort of timeline , ivanka began her campaign for her budding political career . then she turned up pregnant again , with their second child , a daughter this time . in their eyes their daughter was just another bump in their perfect life . they held a sort of resentment against the kids for that , especially given that ivanka had lost her window of political popularity . she’d resigned to the life of a socialite and stay at home mom and they decided the best way to fill her time up was with another child . this time , one they truly wanted . her parents would never admit it , but they hadn’t seen the true “ sani potential “ in their children that wasn’t until they had addison . her parents truly doted on her . from her point of view life was perfect . silver spoon life did her well . that was until the perfect facade the sani’s held up was beginning to crumble before their eyes . her father , a wealthy international real estate investor comes from a crime family , it was a world he hid in the shadows but things grew rather messy and the family was posed with a choice (a) leave russia and start up life somewhere else or (b) stay in russia and chance mikhail going to jail for the entirety of the kids childhood . of course they chose to leave russia , on the one promise to ivanka that mikhail was done with the life of organized crime .

they made the move to chicago , illinois when addison was just ten years old . luckily for her she’d grown up speaking three languages russian , nigerian , and english and so coming to america was made just a bit easier for her as she wasn’t completely fluent but was able to get by and converse with others . her parents quickly integrated themselves into the elite society within chicago’s wealthiest families , which wasn’t too hard with her father’s up - and - up line of work of real estate investing and her mother’s status as an heiress . the same could be said for the kids at school , each one integrating fairly well into their own friend groups . like at home stayed the same , they may have been in a new country but her parents love or obsession with addison knew no borders . she had everything a little girl could ask for and more , plus her busy parents actually made time for her - that was much more than her siblings could say . addison knew the dynamic , she was a smart girl and picked up on it quickly . often apologizing to her older siblings and offering up her own support for their lives in place of their parents . as she grew older the pressure from her family started taking it’s toll . when ivanka and mikhail sani thought you were destined to be great , they really pushed you and placed the highest of expectations on you . addison carried around the fear that one day they’d look at her the same way they did her siblings and so she worked herself in all aspects of her life to be the perfect daughter . she excelled at everything she did - academics , ballet , student government , and even becoming a debutante . 

it wasn’t until she was sixteen that the toll really started chipping away at addison . she’d spent a month on a downward spiral; popping pills , drowning herself in alcohol , losing her virginity , and throwing parties . it all came to a head when she stole millions from her father’s secret stash and booked a private jet with a couple friends . the three went missing for nearly two weeks before they were spotted at a resort in ibiza . her parents brought her home only to send her away to an inpatient program for a little over a month . addison spent that month really digging deep , finding out who she was and what she actually wanted . her therapist had told her for her to get out of the dark place she was in she’d need to separate her thinking from her parents  and let go of the perfectionist act . when she came back home it was like the last few months had never happened , her parents ignored it all . to them , the issue was fixed and now it was time to sweep it under the rug but for addison it broke her heart . she realized over that next year that her parents didn’t see her as a person with her own choices but instead some sort of maniquin for them to play some weird version of real life sims with . despite this realization she couldn’t help but to fall back in line . 

senior year of high school came quick and the four years of student government , mock trial , equestrian , and perfect grades was nearly over but not before addison’s whole world crumbled before her . no matter how perfect she tried to be the sani’s could never run from the truth . they weren’t this perfect family , when her mom caught her dad tied up with the russian mafia within the city of chicago it was over . by the end of the night ivanka was kicking him out of the house , with the threat that if he so much as looked in the direction of her and the kids she’d have him sent to jail for the rest of his natural life . the threat was enough to spook him , he’d known her well enough to know she wasn’t bluffing . just a few months later he moved out of the state leaving secret letters for the children to let them know he loved them . but of course , addison wasn’t allowed to so much as miss a beat . ivanka was still on her like some crazed momager and when she landed multiple acceptances in some of the top schools across the country the two inevitably made the decision for addison to attend yale . secretly she wanted stanford but bit the bullet . she studied finance with a major in philosophy . joined a sorority and mock trial . in truth she took a liking to connecticut and the change of scenery helped her forget about everything happening back in chicago . 

during her senior year at yale , her mom broke the news of the family making the big move to new york city . which really just meant addison and her mom were moving to new york city because her brother had started a family in his college town of durham , north carolina + was also playing for the carolina panthers while her sister traveling the world on some sort of instagram model high . her mom rambled on for week about how the move was perfect since addison would be attending columbia for law school so now the two could see one another more often . even at twenty two addison couldn’t put her foot down when it came to her mom and so for the millionth time in her life she held back what she really wanted to do ( finally going to stanford , for law school ) and committed to columbia law .       

*   𝐭��;𝐝𝐫   !

basically , addison is the baby of three kids . born in st petersburg , russia but grew up in chicago . she was always the favorite of her parents ivanka ( a russian heiress + philanthropist ) and mikhail ( a international real estate investor ) as she grew older she realized their love was more of a obsession with control + perpetuating a picture of a perfect family + daughter . the pressure to a toll on addison during highschool and she had a break down that led to a major downward spiral landing her in an inpatient facility for a month . when she got out , her parents ignored all the issues within the family and went back to treating addison like some sort of puppet + addison continued to go along with it , as she didn’t really know how else to be . today she struggles with being who she wants to be and who her mom wants her to be . she and her siblings have always gotten along , even though their parents never treated them all the same they were all able to see the struggle in how each one was treated and able to bond through their messy parent situation . as of now addison’s trying to play up a double life sort of situation . having fun + being the perfect daughter . she’s also on the path to becoming a big time lawyer . she’s in her 2L of law school at columbia + also works as a paid intern at the district attorney’s office . 

*   𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲   !

addison has always been full of love and unlike her parents her love isn’t conditional maybe delusional sometimes but never conditional . don’t worry , after a nation wide search i’ve found the first girl who doesn’t suffer from resting bitch face . instead you’ll always see a smile on her face , to the point where if you ever see her not smiling be worried . something life shattering has happened . she’s the type to say she “ hates drama “ but perk up the minute she hears about drama going on in some else’s life . don’t worry though , after she done being nosy she’ll do all she can to help fix the issue even if you don’t want her too . hey , she may make things worse in the process but atleast she cares , right ? maybe not , i don’t know . incredibly loyal and loves to have a good laugh , she’s incredibly witty and a lover of corny jokes . very talkative . wants everyone to like her and if you don’t like her get ready for her to try at every chance to win you over . very much so the “ pardon me , but you really hurt my feelings “ type . she’s really just a soft , smart rich girl trying to navigate through this big world . also she falls in love quick , although she’d never had a real relationship . not because she’s a T H O T , she’s not , well , she doesn’t mean to be atleast . she just finds her befriending guys more than becoming their girlfriend . despite her naturally affectionate behavior , she just has this weird “ no boyfriend “ curse going on . maybe she’s pushing them away when things get close to serious in fear of losing the guy from her life . on a negative note , addisons hands down worst quality is her inability to control a situation she is incredibly reactive / volatile .  she’ll easily fall into a screaming match or crying fit . never the type to walk away . a true virgo , y’all , the girl can and will argue until you’re blue in the face . 

*   𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭   !

so basically , her dad is apart of the russian mafia . he was heavily involved while they lived in russia but when the government was catching onto his actions the family fled the country before they could dig any deeper into the case . he was supposed to cut ties when they moved to chicago but it was a way of life he simply couldn’t let go of . when addison’s mom found out she forced him out of their lives threatening to turn him in if he so much of looks at his children . despite this when addison and her mom moved to new york he reached out to addison . they’ve been meeting for lunch once a week for almost a year and a half behind her moms back . absolutely no one but those involved with the mafia know about her dad being within the mafia , which is exactly how he’s always wanted it , which is why her mom could never find out addison and he are continuing their relationship .

*   𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬   !

full name : addison mikhailovna sani age : twenty - four date of birth : september 7th place of birth : saint petersburg , russia zodiac : virgo label : the facade pronouns : she/her gender : cisfemale orientation : bisexual , biromantic height : 5′8″ weight : 132 lbs ethnicity : nigerian , russian  hometown : chicago , illinois occupation : law student , intern @ the district attorney’s office more : allergic to apples , hates takeout food , has an affinity for adult cartoons and stand up comedy, lives for alternative music , believes cuddling is a natural human interaction , loves video games , graduated valedictorian of her high school , loves painting .

*   𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬   !

soooo i know these are pretty basic but im just throwing things at the wall here and hoping they stick , okay ? im down for really anything so we can take inspo from these ideas ? expand more on them ? or just brainstorm something completely different ? whatever works ! , best friends , GIRL squad , drinking/party buddies , we’re just friend or at least that what we say but i always bring you as my date to big events type of deal , flirtationship , sibling like friendship , someone who has a crush on her , they don’t like her and she’s always trying to get them to change their mind , someone who tries to talk her into standing up to her mom , a confidant , someone she has a crush on , booty call maybe she initially wanted something serious from them but just fell into this booty call dynamic and she wont say anything otherwise because she likes having them around , someone she has a crush on , an ex friend who probably broke her trust . 

[wizardoftrash]

Pokemon Talk

Hey all, I have been really quiet about Sword and Shield on my blog here, but I wanted to give everybody a heads up that I am really excited about these games. The reason that I’ve been so quiet is because I’ve been avoiding leaks and spoilers as best as I can, and I wanted to play the game blind-ish if possible.

There has been a ton of controversy over the fact that Gamefreak has limited which pokemon can be transferred into Sword and Shield to only those that appear in its own pokedex, which means that the majority of pokemon will have to either hang out in Sun/Moon or on Pokemon Home.

Opinion: meh! I’m a bit surprised that they made that kind of change as the first “main series” game on the switch, but I knew this was coming eventually. When it was announced that sword/shield would not have a national dex or a way to transfer-in pokemon that didn't appear in its own regional dex I was surprised, but not distraught. I wasn't as upset as some folks here largely because I had a pretty clear idea of what we were actually getting for the cuts, and I suspect that folks might have lost sight of how valuable these features are form a gameplay standpoint compared to what is lost.

The multiplayer functionality is the big one. Ever since Diamond/pearl's underground, the chief feature I've always wanted to see in a pokemon game that I never expected to actually get was the ability to see and engage with other players that are in the same area as you, in real time. I can't count how many times I'd go into the underground while playing in public *hoping* that somebody else was around, and now I'll be able to bump into fellow trainers from across the world from my couch, or from work, or wherever. This absolutely trumps transferring a freshly hatched beldum to my starting team for the 10th time, or bringing out the big boys to steam roll the elite four, or cobbling together a team for my next local mono-type challenge from 5 different games. They didn't cut the dex for curry or for big pokemon, if there was any feature that took enough manpower to make bringing the full dex in infeasible it would be this. Provided that this feature works pretty well, that would be worth it by itself.

Camping. Its been a tradition for a while now that with each new game, we get a new way to interact with our pokemon other than battling. I've tried it all, from beauty pageants to dress-up, sports and snuggles. These features are always a pleasant experience for me and a nice break from the sometimes tedious gameplay cycle. I've done a pretty good job avoiding spoilers for sword and shield so far so that I can experience the new features and pokemon with fresh eyes and without it being tainted by other people's opinions (This subreddit sorta ruined sun and moon for me a bit), but what I did see about the camp mechanics during one of the directs has me really excited. This function is likely another main drive behind the dex cut I'd guess. Sure we've got good models for all of the old pokemon, we've got walking animation for them, and some usually basic attach animation, but I'm willing to bet that the animation assets that they already had didn't support a robust collection of play behaviors. While some folks would be satisfied with a re-skin of the island system from SuMo (which I also loved), I'm going to totally lose it in a good way being able to play with the pokemon from my team in camp, or watch them interact with each other. This by itself would also be a good enough reason for the cut by my book, and that doesn't even really factor in the fact that you'll be able to visit other people's camps and their pokemon too.

The gameplay experience will likely be more balanced than previous games. Now I don't mean that the common early-game pokemon will be viable in competitive play when I say this, what I mean is by limiting the field, they could spend more time balancing the pokemon in the game against each other without having to do so in the context of the entire franchise. Now some will argue that it's not neccisary to do so, because GF can simply limit the tournament environment to pokemon caught in the new region like they did for the start of Sun/Moon, but that's always only temporary. *eventually* the tried and true old pokemon could be brought forward, and as a result the new stuff had to be pretty pushed if it was going to survive alongside... megas (lol) or the previous season's winners. The new water type doesn't have to be as good as [insert OU pokemon here] because they literally don't have to compete at all, and if you are only brigning forward a small percentage of old pokemon, you get the unique opportunity to re-balance their stats. I don't know if they are actually doing this or not, but this new age opens up the possibility with this or future games. It simply wouldn't be possible to make sweeping balance changes to the game's hundreds of pokemon that need it, but it is absolutely possible to make changes to a small slice of them at a time.

The bandaid has been ripped off, allowing the game to evolve moving forward. I remember being pretty upset when X and Y started to roll out with the introduction of a new type (fairy), in part because the pokemon I had liked in the past were changing, and in part because my main type (dark) got a new weakness making it much worse. Dragon needed to be taken down a notch, and even though it was a change I didn't want, it was a change that in the long-run made the games better and actually more fun and not just for myself. Yeah it sucks when something you like is changing, this feels like your Pokemon are being taken away from you, but it had to come *sometime* for the game to have the ability to change. There are simply too many to allow for the development of any feature that touches all of them, and believe it or not new features sell games. This sub represents a vocal but tiny slice of the market for this game, and that greater market is going to be excited by the kinds of features I listed in points 1-3, and those kinds of advancements wouldn't be possible moving forward if they also injected hundreds of pokemon that are unlikely to see much play at all, even from the people who claim to want the feature. For real, what percentage of players will actually quit the series because they can't transfer-in their furret? What percent will buy the game because they'll be able to play with their partner, kids, or friend who moved away? Its a prick on the arm for a long healthy potential future of innovative pokemon games.

[sophielovesbooks]

Things I Love Seeing in Books (+ Recs)

This is the first Booktube style post on this blog! I got the idea from ivymuse’s video:“Things I LOVE Seeing in Books + Book Recommendations”. Go check out her channel! It’s really fun. :)

The recs on here are obviously non-exhaustive, meaning there may be many other books that do the thing well. But I’m only listing the first book I could think of. If you have recommendations for the same trope, though, let me know, okay? Thanks! 

1. Platonic best friends!

I love to read about platonic best friends, where the friendship never turns into romantic love! Unfortunately, this is so rare, as most authors decide to go down the romantic road sooner or later… What makes it even harder is that a) I like my platonic friendships to be extremely close, to the point where they spend most of their time together and know each other extremely well and b) I especially like if these close friendships are boy/girl or man/woman, though they don’t HAVE to be!

A book that does this well: From what I’ve read so far… “Radio Silence” does it really well and I’m loving it! <3 I also adored Rob and Cassie’s relationship in “In The Woods”, buuuuut this is a case of the friendship getting more complicated and not remaining platonic, and a lot of people ship it, so I can’t really recommend it here. It’s still a good example of the type of super close friendship I mean; the type that includes a lot of banter and mutual teasing, but also a deep sort of affection. 

2. Super close groups of friends!

Sooo… I guess there’s kind of a theme here? Lol! I just love friendship, okay? And though a lot of people might call this the “found family” trope, I hesitate to call it that, because I actually want… friendship. I mean, I don’t mind if the characters take on certain, family-related roles (like “the mum friend” or “the baby” of the group), but in the end, I want them all to be on the same level and respect each other and have a true friendship. I adore when they are so close, they kind of start to shut others out and only really live for each other! Of course, this can be sort of a toxic dynamic, too, but I also love to read about that.

A book that does this well: “The Likeness”. Just… 100% The Likeness. Which is also (along with so many other things) one of the main reasons why I love it! The group is so close and they all have their reasons for loving these people beyond everyone else. And it’s just so emotional and I love it so much!

Other examples: “The Lake of Dead Languages” has two trios of close girl friends, one in the past and one in the present time line. “Black Chalk” has a similar dynamic with a close group of friends. And “The Lying Game” is another good example of a group of four girls who are super close and will always have each other’s backs. 

3. Bisexual characters!

Good bi rep is sadly still kind of rare, but whenever I do come across it in a book, it makes me really happy! I don’t care whether the character is really secure in their sexuality or still exploring it, whether they have lots of experience or none at all. I just don’t want to see the common tropes and stereotypes associated with bisexuality.

A book that does this well: Again, I haven’t finished it yet, but the main character in “Radio Silence” is bi and she is super cool! (There may be another bi character, but I don’t know for sure yet. Haha!)

4. Villains with Believable Motivations

Honestly, I struggle to even call them “villains”. What I like is to read about characters who do evil things, for reasons that make sense. Not necessarily because they had no other choice, but because they felt they had no other choice.

Books that do this well: I kind of want to say all of Tana French’s books? But especially “In the Woods” and “Broken Harbour”! Maybe also “The Wych Elm”. It’s a huge part of why she’s my favourite author. 

5. Academic Failure

This may sound kind of weird, but hear me out. Personally, I’ve always done quite well academically, but it’s a lot of work and – like many of us – I have an extreme fear of academic failure. In fiction, however, plenty of characters seem to do really well academically without putting in the work! Often, the argument is that they are “super smart” and therefore don’t need to study. That really annoys me, because for most subjects, especially in university, being super smart is not enough. You still have to study, you still have to memorise things, spend time with the subject matter…

Therefore, I think it’s only realistic to read about characters who don’t do well academically, maybe for the first time in their life, and I also like to read about how they deal with that.

A book that does this well: “The Lessons” by Naomi Alderman is the most clear-cut example of this I can think of! Many elements of the book were really problematic and it was kind of a disappointing read overall, but what I LOVED was how she described James’s academic struggle. He was always a clever student and is even accepted into Oxford to study Physics, but suddenly, he’s at the bottom of the class and many other people around him are simply much cleverer or much harder working than he is. This seems perfectly realistic for an elite university like Oxford, and it’s something I’d like to see more in books.

6. Toxic Friendship

So, another friendship trope, but with a twist. In addition to healthy, adorable, close friendships, I also think it’s really interesting to read about toxic friendships, especially if the main character has to realise that the friendship is toxic and then act on it.

A book that does this well: “Beautiful Malice”! It’s not a perfect example, because the main character realises pretty early on how toxic the friendship is, but I still think the “toxic friend” was described fairly well and I really enjoyed the book overall! 

7. Characters Who Love Food 

Honestly, it’s just so refreshing and healing to me to read about characters who love food, celebrate food and are unashamed of eating. 

Books that do this well: The main characters in the “Lockwood & Co” series all love food and it just has a really positive connotation for them. They often eat chocolate to cheer up while they are ghost-hunting, they have delicious breakfasts and they like to get together in the afternoon to eat donuts or cake. And it’s just so cute and peaceful and I just really enjoyed that part of the books. 

Another example: I also really liked Nina’s relationship with food in “Six of Crows”. 

[collegiate-trash]

I was bored and listening to Heathers so I figured, why not. Anyway, this is inspired by @shsl-shipping-trash​‘s kamukoma heathers au. I say inspired because I have some ideas about it, and it probably wasn’t what they were thinking of when they made it so yeah... I may or may not write more for this verse in future, who knows we’ll see I guess

It kinda turned longer than I hoped so... more under read more lol

The sound of footsteps walking away towards their own classrooms grew fainter and fainter by the minute, but Nagito Komaeda, given his nature, remained seated in the library, nose stuck in the book he was reading. It wasn’t until it was too late did he notice the lack of students in the room. Frantically arranging his things to dash into his own class, Komaeda heard Ms. Yukizome’s familiar scolding tone.

He knew that he shouldn’t. That his curiosity would kill him someday, and it would be best to stay out of things. Unfortunately, Komaeda was also aware that he has poor self-control. And that his quiet footsteps allow him to practically sneak up on anyone. Yeah. I should probably go to class…

Except he didn’t, you know, like a liar.

Komaeda barely arrived in time to hear what they were initially talking about, but he made it just in time to hear Ms. Yukizome’s ultimatum.

“Not without a hall pass, you’re not. Week’s detention.”

How horrible! To have precious symbols of hope missing for an entire week?! How will Hope’s Peak function without their elites? With a plan already forming in his mind, Komaeda hastily searched his bag for one of the forged excuse slips he made.

(He made it just in case he has to leave the class. It was only used for emergency purposes, don’t worry. Yes. This moment counts as an emergency. Look. Cherished Ultimates were in trouble; of course it counts as one.)

He quickly and carefully edited it as the girls (He wasn’t too sure, but he was betting on in. They were inside the girl’s bathroom after all) complained about their punishment. Thankfully, they didn’t say anything that could’ve potentially derail his rescue plan.

“Um, Ms. Yukizome…?” he called out from outside the room, holding out the excuse slip, and respectfully looking away, in case any of the girls weren’t in decent position. “Actually, all four of us are out on a hall pass.”

He heard the teacher hum in thought, probably doubting him. Komaeda doesn’t blame her. He wouldn’t trust himself either. Regardless, the pitter-patter of Ms. Yukizome’s heels signaled her approach, and when Komaeda felt the paper leave his fingertips, he promptly addressed her with a smile. “Yearbook committee…”

His smile remained as her eyes scrutinized the slip, and grew a little when she nodded, a small smile on her lips. “I see you're all listed. Hurry up and get where you're going,” she said, handing the note back and going her merry way, not even questioning whether he was truly part of it, nor why she didn’t notice him when she first arrived. Hm. Good luck...?

Before he could put the slip back in his bag though, red nails appeared in his vision, plucking the note out of his hands.  

“This is an excellent forgery,” she said in a haughty tone, revealing to Komaeda just who he found himself with. Junko Enoshima, one of the three most popular girls in Hope’s Peak, and quite possibly the world. And if she were here… Komaeda’s gaze searched the room, successfully locating Mikan Tsumiki and Mukuro Ikusaba.

Huh. Well would you look at that, lady luck blessed me after all. To be able to help these particular group, how lucky! It would be best for him to go now before he could soil them with his disgusting presence.  

“Who are you?” Enoshima questioned, halting his attempt of getting away quietly before he even begun.

“I am no one you should be concerned about. If you’ll excuse me,” he said, only to get tugged back his arm. Ah… who knew Enoshima was capable of such tight grip.

“Come on now, darling. Surely you have a name to offer, won’t you?” Enoshima batted her eyes, lips forming a smile that many would die for. Sadly, he was not one of them. However, Enoshima may still luck out yet, he was, after all, a terrible doormat who has no concept of the word ‘no’.

“If you insist…” he trailed off, making note of how the other two in the room reached them by now. “It’s Nagito Komaeda.”

“Nagito you say…~” She hummed, placing a finger to her red lips, and his arm still held hostage. “Can you do anything else other than excuse slips…?”

“I can forge report cards, permission slips, and absence notes…” he said, sounding more like a question when he reached the end. He has an idea why Enoshima was asking, but he has no intention of doing anything about it.  

Eager to leave now that he has done his task, Komaeda tried to set his arm free from her clutches, only to be pulled close as Enoshima leaned towards him, face separated by mere breaths. He froze. Of course he froze. It happened all too quickly for him to comprehend.

“You know,” Enoshima said, breath smelling like mints, as small consolation on Komaeda’s part. “For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure.”

H-huh?

“And a symmetrical face,” Tsumiki mumbled, too quiet for anyone to hear except Ikusaba who was beside her.

“If I took a meat cleaver down the center of his skull, I'd have matching halves. That's very important.” Ikusaba nodded.

Tsumiki smiled. She then started poking Komaeda’s shirt, “Um… he should probably get a few pounds more though… A-ah! I’m not trying to control you though! I’m sorry!”

Komaeda sent her a grin, pacifying her. “That’s quite alright. Thank you for your advice, Tsumiki.”

“Wo-woah…! He knows my name!” Tsumiki beamed, holding her hands to her chest.

“Quiet, you two,” their ringleader hissed, hands poised on her hips.  Komaeda didn’t even notice her releasing him, as expected of his useless self. “Oh, Nagito~”

A shiver ran up his spine. Her tone was sickly sweet, and Komaeda was apprehensive of it.

“How about you go join our little clique? I promise it’s gonna be totes cool!” she said, as if she was giving Komaeda any choice.

He wasn’t too much of a fool to not be aware of what she could possibly do in case he refused. After all, though he has yet to witness any of it himself, he has already heard countless stories of the girl through hearsay.

Ah, to experience one now… what sort of luck is this, I wonder.

“If that would please you,” he said, too weak to refuse and too curious to let the opportunity go.

Enoshima’s lips stretched wide, revealing her pearly whites.

“Good…~”

With a snap for her fingers, Komaeda was dragged inside the bathroom. The door locked close behind him with a resounding click, blocking all possible exits. In front of him, the girls fussed with their belongings, taking out some things Komaeda recognized from his female classmates, like mascara and lip gloss. Meanwhile, Enoshima, still and impassive in the middle of it all, acted like the calm before the coming storm.

“Get this boy some blush,” she said, eyes gleaming bright in a prospect Komaeda knows nothing of. “And Mukuro! I need your brush.”

She walked towards him, hips swaying to a beat he doesn’t hear, and stopped right in front of him, pulling him close through his tie. “We’ll make you beautiful. Okay?”

“Okay…” Komaeda trailed off, wondering what the future has in store for him with this new development. Ah, I really hope I won’t get a detention for entering the girl’s bathroom like this.

[darcyckennedy]

☆— HEY UPPER EAST SIDERS, SPOTTED:  d who looks just like kendall jenner. according to an anonymous source she is perfect contour, wild after parties, & teddy coats to make up for a lack of cuddles. she was last caught listening to miss you by louis tomlinson. the cisfemale is from the upper east side and attended constance billard. DARCY COX KENNEDY still lives in the city at twenty three and is currently a socialite & philanthropist. let’s see what she is going to do next. xoxo, gossip girl. ( admin tamia. nineteen. est. she/her. )

WOW okay, hi there ! i’m tamia, the admin of the group...can i just say i love you all already for applying and applying with such amazing character’s that i cannot wait to start plotting with. a little about me i guess, i’m a nineteen year old college student who lowkey doesn’t wanna be a college student...the dream is the be an actress but my mom’s all “go to college” “the only way to make something of yourself is through college” so yeah. i’m a part-time waitress at the OG aka olive garden so i make alot of Bread jokes that are really bad, i get them from the guests honestly. but that’s enough about me, let’s get to my lil peanut here who is truly a mess, i apologize in advance for her guys.

darcy was born to two elite heavy weights. her mother, georgina cox, is a american billionaire heiress the great-granddaughter of james m. cox the founder of cox enterprises. her father, john f. kennedy jr, was a american lawyer and the son of president john f. kennedy. yes, she’s a kennedy guys. 

one month old. her parents broke up after a six year relationship. staying amicable to co-parent although she mostly lived with her father. staying with her mother a couple days of of the week. as her mother was often off in atlanta, with darcy’s grandmother. it was clear from infancy that she was daddy’s little girl, so the fact that she was with him more only made sense.

one year old. her father and carolyn bessette got married. darcy was the flower girl, and truly adored carolyn. the wedding is one of the few days she vividly remembers with her father. 

four years old. her mom decided to bring her down to georgia with her for a family event. her dad and carolyn decided to go out to martha’s vineyard during this time where they inevitably crashed the plane and were lost at sea. she was supposed to be picked up by her father three days after but was instead brought back to manhattan by her aunt caroline. 

two months later. her aunt kept what happened to her parents a secret for months, initially telling her they couldn’t leave massachussetts due to bad weather conditions, then they suddenly went to africa for philanthropic work. before she knew it darcy had become a completely different child, starting to project her her anger and fear that her father had abandoned her onto others. 

the truth. during this time her mother finally stepped forward, brought darcy on a trip to martha’s vineyard and told her about her father and stepmother’s death. it became clear that the trip was specifically meant for darcy to say goodbye to them at their burial.

the aftermath. darcy was distraught for months, it was hard for a young child to wrap her head around the sole person she had attached to being gone forever. her mom immediately found her a psychiatrist who darcy saw twice a week. instead of moving back in with her aunt she moved in with her mom, the two never got close but her mom was the only person that darcy felt she could trust because she was the only one who told her the truth about her father. 

ten years old. her attitude became worse. she had truly turned into the stereotypical ues child. it had become too much for her mother to bear and so darcy moved in with her great uncle ted kennedy at the kennedy compound in cape cod. he was possibly the best thing to ever happen to her, he told her endless stories about her father and grandfather which helped her feel closer to both of them. this was when she really started to grow back into the young women her father would have wanted her to become.

thirteen years old. ted and darcy set up a memorial service for her father, at the same cathedral in washington d.c that her grandfather’s service was held. the whole family was invited and because of this it became extremely publicized but darcy didn’t care, this was meant for her to say a proper goodbye to her father and nothing could ruin that for her.

fourteen years old. her great uncle had been diagnosed with brain cancer fifteen months prior, she had stayed with him throughout the whole journey, refusing to leave his side, he had become the closest thing to her father over the years that she lived with him. he died at the kennedy compound in the summer and darcy reluctantly had to move back to manhattan and live with her mom. his death affected her nearly as much as her father’s and it’s a death she carries with her everyday. 

psychiatric state: upon her return to the ues her mom once again immediately put darcy into counseling a different and more renowned psychiatrist this time. darcy quickly started to feel like her mother stuck her with a psychiatrist so she wouldn’t have to talk to her daughter about everything that’s gone on, her mother instilled this idea that you don’t talk to anyone about your troubles but a psychiatrist, to everyone else you need to come off happy and content with life no matter how hard it gets. her psychiatrist dr. hill has helped her through alot but she still struggles everyday feeling like she’s a victim of the infamous kennedy curse. 

return to the ues. darcy’s return to the upper east side was a whirlwind to say the least. she came back right in time four the first day of highschool. it was a big day to say the least as no one expected her arrival. she reuniting with old friends, was swarmed by paparazzi once again, and made new friendships. she was different this time though, poised, friendly, and charismatic unlike the blair waldorf-esque self she was as a child.

constance billard. during school she was very academic. history was possibly her favorite, maybe because her family was apart of it. she participated in debate team and lacrosse, which she became captain of both by her senior year. she graduated constance with a 3.9 gpa and was accepted into columbia, harvard, and brown. she was tempted to attend brown just to feel a bit closer to her dad but decided to opt out of college all together. 

socialite & philanthropy. coming out of school she decided to dive head first into some charity work, from working with unicef to the national brain tumor society. by twenty she became a unicef ambassador and started her own foundation, the darcy kennedy foundation, a nonprofit organization focusing on finding better treatments for cancer patients as well as helping children who have lost their parents due to any sort of fatal event. and of course being who she is she’s been paid to attend events, galas, and parties since she was about fifteen years old, a true american socialite lol.

publicity. as much as everyone tried, it was an impossible feet for a kennedy to stay out of the lime light, especially when you’re the daughter of jfk jr. despite the attempts made by her parents and other family members darcy was often spread across magazine covers, and webpages. as she grew older it only seemed to get worse. 

personality. today, darcy is kind, caring, and charismatic. she’s the girl who walks around with a resting bitch face but will walk up to you with a bright smile and compliment your head to toe and genuinely mean every word. to piggyback off that she is extremely genuine and because of this she is also rather loyal, if she cares for you, you never have to worry about her doing something to hurt you or that could hurt you int he slightest. she is rather mature due to everything she’s gone through in life and because of this is often the voice of reason, a total mom friend but don’t think for a minute she doesn’t know how to have fun, because darcy can truly be the life of the party and is always down for an adventure; she is loud, witty, and just overall a good time think, imari stuart. 

romantic life. when it comes to relationships the girl is a mess. she dated a brooklyn boy during sophomore year, but she never got past the lust phase with him and so she broke things off with him six months later (wanted connection *cough* *cough*). during junior year she started dating a guy who was everything she was looking for in the last, she fell head over heels for him almost immediately, which was really her downfall in the end. he’s broken her heart more times than one, but she can’t seem to let him go even six years later. she’s had hook ups and short lived relationships sprinkled in between while her and sawyer aren’t together but no one compares in her eyes; she’s been with girls, guys, and everyone in between in an attempt to find someone to get her mind off of her ex but nothing works.

fun facts. her first car was a used 1994 saab that was not in style or cool by any means it was her dad so she didn’t car, but now she owns a few cars that could genuinely put most cars to shame lmao (found here), loves all kinds of music and you never want to put her on aux unless you want to listen to a whole lot of classics/throwbacks like queen, frank sinatra, usher, the beatles, and britney spears, she’s slept with leonardo dicaprio (weird flex i know), she moved out when she was 18 and currently lives at 12 east 88th street (found here), if you’re ever looking for her you can probably find her at a bar with a burger in one hand and a glass of sangria in the other, she is 5′10″ and has a tendency of wearing high heeled boots with give her even more height, she’s never done a narcotic a day in her life but will drink anyone and their father under the table, her great-uncle left most of his belongings to his widow but he did leave darcy 50million dollars for her trust fund, while her father left her everything from material assets to 100million dollars that also went to her trust, when she was 18 she was given her trust found including 100million from her mother.

[itsclydebitches]

Hoe does a weak tribe that cant beat a teenage girl make Raven strong? They can pillage villages with weak eople but how does that make Raven strong? That's also ignoring the fact that she went back to the tribe she grew up in, and not a random tribe she decided to lead out of nowhere. No morefollowng orders or arguing over the right thing to do doesnt mean run to a tribe, when being a mother could have done the same thing, like Tai did so that doesnt work. (1)

There’s a lot here so I’m going to separate points out to try and keep my thoughts organized: 

“How does a weak tribe that can’t beat a teenage girl make Raven strong?” - Basically, it’s all comparative. I’ll be the first to admit that RWBY’s power levels/scaling is a mess and 99% of the time it favors Team RWBY. Nevertheless, we’re left with the fact that Team RWBY - including Yang - just beat the Ace Ops, the most elite huntsmen team in Atlas and arguably all of Remnant. Of course this “teenage girl” is going to be able to beat up a bunch of regular bandits. We’ve established from day one that none of these kids/teens are normal, either in regards to actual prodigy skills (Pyrrha, Ruby), or just by virtue of being one of the few who gets to attend a huntsmen academy. They’re the elite fighters of this world. However, just because there are super strong people out there - the Yangs, Rubys, Neos, Cinders, Hazels, etc. - doesn’t mean you can’t be strong compared to everyone else. The other bandits, the average fighters, and any non-elite that comes your way. Just because Yang as an individual can beat up Raven’s group doesn’t mean that her group is fundamentally useless to her. No more than we’d day, “Well, I guess Team RWBY is useless because Tyrian beat them so easily. If this group can’t be one faunus they’re just not strong.” Team RWBY can still beat many, many others. My assumption is that Raven’t bandits can beat many others too. It’s still a form of power/strength to have a large number of fighters at your beck and call, even if they can’t beat someone as powerful and trained as your daughter. 

“That's also ignoring the fact that she went back to the tribe she grew up in, and not a random tribe she decided to lead out of nowhere.” - Precisely. I’m not saying Raven was right to leave Yang, Tai, and the others, but the horrible morality of the situation doesn’t make her choice nonsensical. During her conversation with Qrow Raven calls the bandits “family.” We can’t know how much she really feels that and how much is just a front, but the fact remains that they did raise her. So when Raven found out they couldn’t beat Salem she was basically like, “Guess it’s time to go back to the only other family I’ve ever known.” Again, not right, but it makes sense for her character. Raven found a new family at Beacon, got scared by the responsibilities that came with that (these Good Guys expect me to fight Salem with them hell no), and instead ran back to her first family where things were safer and she could be the leader of them all, not just a follower of Ozpin.  

“Why would Raven need the power of the maiden when it doesn’t guarantee her safety? You say a maiden is more than opening vaults, but that’s all that Salem needs. Let's not act like Raven was looking for power and that she craved the power of the maidens to protect herself when there nothing to suggest that” - There’s absolutely something to suggest that: her taking the power. Not every power hungry character needs to announce to the audience “I want power.” 

(Please no hate from the Yen fans lol) 

They can demonstrate that by continually seeking and accepting power when it becomes available, to the extent that their search for power and their prioritizing of power hurts themselves and others. Raven: 

Entered Beacon to gain the skills needed to kill huntsmen 

Accepted magical powers from Ozpin before abandoning the cause

Went back to become the leader of a tribe that decimates villages

Kept the Spring Maiden around despite the danger it posed to her

Took that power from the Maiden by murdering her

Went after one of the four most powerful objects in the world, attacking the heroes in the process

That’s six acts of taking/accepting incredible power. It’s not about what Salem needs but what Raven can use. Can we make the case that keeping the Maiden around - whatever the context - was ultimately a stupid move if she wanted to stay off Salem’s radar? Yes. But I don’t think it necessarily says, “RT wrote a completely contradictory action for Raven.” They’ve definitely done that for others (Ironwood) but I don’t think this is a case of that here. Simply because people usually have multiple motivations - I want to avoid Salem and make myself as powerful as possible to ensure my own protection, not just from her but from everything else - and having access to that power, then taking that power for herself, absolutely fits into these other actions we see Raven taking. She accepts power and at times seeks power to make herself as untouchable as possible. What if Salem attacked some day (like, say, leading an army against Atlas) and having the power of a Maiden was the difference between perishing or making it out to survive another day? If Cinder hadn’t been a Maiden (and part grimm, another kind of power) there’s no way she would have survived Raven’s attack. She lost the fight but has so far survived the war. “This power won’t beat Salem” isn’t the same thing as “This power is useless to me.” 

What it comes down to is the fact that the Maiden powers would be a hard thing for most people to pass up. Who doesn’t want to conjure fire, freeze enemies, and call up massive winds? Especially in a world where people survive by fighting. Raven is a fighter. She’s a survivor and the Maiden powers are an extra boost she can’t pass up, no matter the attention it might bring from Salem. That’s why she hides that power. For a while it’s the best of both worlds: I get these abilities and I convince Salem’s henchmen to target Vernal instead of me. I get to be more powerful without personally being in more danger. And it works. Vernal dies and Raven lives.

“When I said Raven put Yang in danger I meant before all that happened. If Raven has been looking out for Yang since she was a child, and Raven left to protect them, then Raven put Yang in danger as a child.” I’m honestly not sure what to make of this point. Who is the “them”? The tribe? If so, Raven was never “looking out for” Yang. Raven was spying on Yang. It’s not protection if you just watch someone from afar except for the one (1) time that you save their life as a personal rule. Did Raven save Yang from the grimm when she wandered out into the woods? No, Qrow did. Did Raven save Yang when the grimm attacked Ruby and her while training? No, Yang saved herself. Did she help through any of the White Fang stuff? The Roman attacks? Losing her arm? Nope. Raven was never a protector. Yang didn’t lose any protection when Raven went back to the tribe (whenever that was) because Raven was never protecting her in the first place. She just watched, except for Neo which, as said, was a ridiculous rule used to hold the act over Yang and Qrow’s head: “I saved her! Surely that deserves some information...”