#also happy with dan's expression and the perspective!

[heliojart]

danny you've got a big storm comin'....

reaniweek day 1: post-canon!

[fryday]

the “oh, phil… you just need to believe in yourself” part during the gym talk is so personal to me, there’s been so many moments like this in gaming videos etc where phil expresses an insecurity or disbelief in his ability to do something and dan is always there to softly encourage or support him and it’s just SO… they care for each other in every way, they literally just want the best for each other as individual people, willing to stay in happy and comfortable places but also pushing each other to do and try new things, to care for another person like that… yeah

those moments of quiet encouragement from dan get me so bad because he's actually been doing this for years and years, but the WAY he does it has changed significantly over time. he's definitely said something along the lines of "phil, you need to believe in yourself" before, like i can almost hear it despite not being able to pinpoint the exact video(s) when, but there used to be that cloak of exaggeration over it, almost. an extra, "put on" layer that would make it - no less genuine but definitely less earnest, in front of the audience.

but the way he said it in the mukbang video — like, he's still an entertainer, he remembers when he's on camera, he knows how things will look and sound from the viewers' perspective — but the way the earnestness and seriousness come through so easily in his voice now, the way he lets them come through... it gets me. they're just so much less afraid of showing us how they really feel about each other these days. you can tell how seriously dan takes phil's insecurities and how attentive he is about it.

but yeah. you're right. the way they care for each other is just right, in all the ways. they know each other so well, they know what the other person needs even before that person knows it themselves. and what a gift to have that kind of partner in your life. seriously. :')))

[bignarfworld]

Since some of you guys we're having a ball with the "Shintaro makes the kagepro music canon" i decided to give more examples of songs that he made and what inspired him

Hibiya tells him about his experience in a time loop himself, Shintaro really sympathized with him and made Kagerou Daze based on what Hibiya told him

Konoha's State of the World is based on the few things Haruka could remember while trapped in the daze and looking at things through Konoha's eyes (Shintaro misses Konoha too, not as much as Hibiya but he still does)

Jinzou Enemy is one of the hardest ones he had to do, but he felt like he needed to make it, he wants to put into words and tell Takane what he did to her in one of the routes (Route XX) because he earnestly believes she deserves to know his failures. So he writes a song in Ene's perspective and how she ended

Children Record is the one he had a blast doing because he has immense respect for the Mekakushi Dan and he wanted to make something in homage to the gang

After a heart to heart with Marry where he tells her he misses his father sometimes and Marry reciprocates by telling him how much she misses her mother, he writes Gunjou Rain and ACTUALLY sings and plays it to her with a guitar on a day where she's feeling really down and longs for Shion (and it's raining). She BAWLED her eyes out not just from the raw emotion but also because it was INSANELY GOOD and it's one of the few moments where Shintaro grows some balls and goes his way to comfort one of his friends. He taught Seto the lyrics and he sings it as a lullaby for Marry once in a while

At some point he kinda opens up a bit about his music to his closer friends (namely Ayano, Takane, Haruka and Seto) and they're all in shock at how absurdly talented Shintaro is as a composer, singer, lyricist, producer and etc. and they're mesmerized with how much heart he puts into each song as his way of showing affection to the people close to him. He makes Additional Memory alongside Ayano (she came up with the lyrics)

Shissou Word was made as a gift for Kido, but he never let her saw it because he thought the other members of the mekadan would find him weird for, you know, writing songs out of their past. Yuukei Quartet makes up his mind and he ends up playing to her eventually (she loved it)

Remind Blue kinda comes out after he puts together what he knows from the mekadan's members backstories into a song

Summertime Record is where he puts his entire heart and soul and sweat into a song, he wanted to write a song that sounded like a happy ending to the mekadan AND Haruka in specific. He loves the guy, he's one of his best friends, and he wanted to write something that made him feel comtemplated and praise him for enduring so much. It's the last song he goes his way to actually sing to someone else (in this case Haruka), Shintaro couldn't help but tear up through the whole song, but it was the "Remember, it's all over. Our secret base, our adventure..."/The story of getting lost in that day part that made his voice crack while singing, barely holding it together while singing to him and not crying

Just like i said in the previous one: the thing with Shintaro is that he sucks with trying to be direct with his emotions so he makes music to express how much he apreciates his friends even if he's blunt and and asshole sometimes (once Shintaro Kisaragi, always Shintaro Kisaragi)

[buskingalbatross]

what's the one sink you can't ship? (things to do when you have come home for the day, showered, eaten, and fallen into disrepair: analyze danandphilcrafts - slime (2024) and the context of its coming to be)

or, basically, because let's be real: this is where I extol the de facto vintage princes of the internet, who have cultivated and continue to cultivate a form of video-making and community-building that is utterly novel, radiant, and defiant.

*:･ﾟ✧

one of the best things the internet has ever done is given the coolest insanest introverts the chance to be loud and be loved. to have the chance to catalogue their lives in intimate (yet distant) association with other like-minded people, and to express themselves and their perspective on the world. for Dan and Phil, what it's led to, its culmination, has been the creation of an empowered queer subculture that is deeply invested in the concept of queer devotion—the complex forms it can take, its numinous inexpressible sacredness—and that is actively, through knowing and experience of that devotion's existence, in rebellion against the extractive, unkind, unfeeling, oft-oppressive society that reigns as normative.

the experience in the world of Dan and Phil, in contrast to many experiences had in the "real" world, has always been one that's felt intensely emotional, rebellious, existential, free, full of kindness, and full of laughter and love. at the heart of dnp's community, the string tying us together, is the massive mythology and plethora of lore of dan and phil's history beginning at the point where it converged because they met. as well as the idea of two people who are as close as two humans can get to each other. the beauty inherent in that.

the relationship Dan and Phil share has for many years been the axis around which their channels, their tours, and other projects have rotated. their being able to chronicle that relationship through the internet, through youtube, and for that relationship to be, in hindsight, purely, amazingly, and even unapologetically queer from the very start, is something profoundly meaningful and artistic in and of itself.

I find it intensely amusing and, frankly, compelling, that while the phandom has become self-aware of the ridiculousness inherent in yelling about two human beings having even momentary physical contact, we cannot stop ourselves from doing it. because it feels powerful and magical and terribly unshackling. touching has become symbolic. symbolic of an amalgam of the best things about what it means to follow Dan and Phil: to be free and connected and queer, openly, and to trust in each other to be there for one other in a world that is often in opposition to people like us.

Dan and Phil holding hands for their audience to see in DanAndPhilCRAFTS - Slime in front of baphomet has to do with all the things so many wonderful people have said it has to do with: acceptance and actualization of queerness, an image of queer power, allying oneself with the other to showcase alignment against cisheteronormative society, a representation of dysfunctional, obsessive, hedonistic, codependent queer love.

And it also has to do with freedom, defiance, happiness, and confidence. It has to do with making something only legible to a niche audience of people that Dan and Phil care a great deal about, because it is fun and exciting and insanely cool. It is about embracing and celebrating the magic that flows, the creativity that flows, between two incredible queer human beings.

Sometimes I think that at least a small part of the reason We're All Doomed exists is because of the way dark things stand out on a light background. The horrors seem stark, more overwhelmingly apparent, when bumped up against great love. Injustice and catastrophe are sometimes more startling and distressing when you are privileged enough to live outside of those things, when what you return home to at the end of the day is comfort, safety, and love. In a similar way, the themes of devotion and love are often heightened in horror narratives. In this sense, Slime is also one ideal medium for sharing a story that is especially impactful to the phandom, one about Dan and Phil's relationship to each other and their community and the ongoing story of their creative lives on YouTube. The themes of love and trust stand out because of the horror, and are heightened further by the intentionality of the storyline and the control Dan and Phil exert over the plot.

what's the one sink you cannot ship? a line from Phil just after Dan says, during their slime crafting, that creativity is nothing without friendship. An inverted paradox of a line. A mystery to be solved, a thread not to be untethered, a parody of itself, a hint to a history. All belonging to all of us, all part of us.

tldr: no one is doing it like them

[sunfudge]

I really do hope Sunday joins the Nameless. I think putting him on that train would help him heal from Everything

Also I wanna see him get involved in the Trailblaze Trio's shenanigans so bad

I agree! I really think he'd get along with Dan Heng, also I don't think March would give him a moment of peace either which would be so funny to watch lol I need to see her call him every single day of the week apart from Sunday

I have a lot of new thoughts about Astral Express Sunday that I want to put into a big post, but I also haven't had the time to as of yet because of work

To be brief about how I feel, I've been thinking about it a whole lot and one of the things I love most is how the members of the Express are reborn in a way which ties very well into Sunday's character.

Dan Heng doesn't want to be associated with the actions of his prior incarnation and is following a new path with the crew, March 7th doesn't know her past but is happy to travel with the express and live as she is now learning more about herself along the way, Welt comes from another world entirely and is now treading a new path in his current universe, the Trailblazer has had their memories wiped by Kafka and are discovering themselves aboard the Express, and Himeko started this all by paving the way for members of the Express to move forward via fixing the train. Sunday moving forward from his past and joining the Express really fits in with the crew, and even Dan Heng himself told him not to be shackled by the past, something he would really understand

Also the 'you have a noble soul...' ;_;

Sunday can't go back to the way things were prior to the Penacony storyline, that's over. His entire life has changed. The life he lived before is gone. He has no option but to move forward towards a new future which is exactly what he can do with the Express.

Robin has been able to travel to other planets, meet a wide array of people and form her view on the world based on those experiences. It's one reason why they have such differing viewpoints. Meanwhile, Sunday has been caged in the Dreamscape, rarely venturing into reality (as we see Robin encouraging him to please spend more time in reality in one of her letters) and the only views he was exposed to since childhood were that of Gopher Wood who had a vested interest in shoving the teachings of Order on him the moment he noticed his uncertainty, his kindness and his hatred of suffering, and pinpointed this as a weakness. This is especially evident when Sunday says, about the Dove, that he wants the bird to live 'no matter what'.

Joining the Express would give Sunday the chance to really experience reality. It fits into the idea of him being the bird that can't fly - what better way to spread his wings than with them? With how his reply to Robin saying they were meant to fly into the sky together was 'If only... I could...' him joining the crew would make me actually cry like a fucking baby lol

It would give him the chance to travel to various worlds just as Robin has, to meet different people with different perspectives on life, and then decide for himself what he believes based on his own life experiences and not on the grooming of his adoptive father. If it is a Paradise he wishes for, and he says he still wants to achieve that goal at the end of 2.3, then maybe he'll find one in travelling to help others.

I still really believe that the Death of a Crow readable is from Elio about Sunday, however knowing that Elio and the rest of the Hunters try to aid the Express, and with Firefly calling them the dark to the Astral Express's light, I wouldn't be surprised if the poem itself was about Sunday joining the Astral Express instead of the Stellaron Hunters. Elio's aim is to support the Express, so him pushing Sunday towards joining the Express would be in line with the Stellaron Hunters and what they've always done throughout the story - provided us with their help.

Sunday has had rebirth themes around him for such a long time now that him totally changing outfit and walking a new path to travel the stars when he's only ever been stuck in the Dreamscape, now being able to create a new life for himself, would be very fitting. Sunday's lightcone animation has him saying 'the end is also the beginning', along with the description for his sticker which also points towards rebirth.

ALSO the whole fallen angel rebirth thing, etcetera etcetera, right down to Jade offering him a deal that's super comparable to the forbidden fruit, but that's pretty clear, yet I thought I'd throw it in there

In my opinion, the Astral Express would welcome him. They thought he was trying to resurrect Ena at first, but they then realised he wanted to create a world without suffering. He was also willing to listen to what the Astral Express had to say, and I really think he would welcome them challenging his views. I do believe they'd welcome him with open arms, as someone who is willing to move on from his past.

Also Sunday talks about the Trailblaze like this

So there's that too

I... really want this to happen lol. And I'm so happy current leaks point very strongly towards it

[revserrayyu]

2.2 Penacony thoughts [part 4]

**Spoiler warning** as we are nearing the very end of the story. Discussing on everything that happens once we wake up after the first boss fight until right before we enter the Horizon of Existence with Acheron. Do look away if you haven’t reached that place yet.

Ma’am, what do you mean by this??

Here I am, wandering around reality all confused, and yet the game still has the audacity to make jokes!

I thought Boothill was just being silly, but if Dan Heng also forgot, then it must be serious. Then I remembered there was one occasion last patch where we also forgot about Acheron’s name when talking to Welt. Or Himeko. I don’t recall which parent it was but we were near Clockie’s statue at the time.

So I saw Ratio, Topaz and Aventurine chatting with each other from afar and thought nothing of it, only to finally realize after our beloved gambler greeted us that YES it has indeed been a while because he was SUPPOSEDLY DEAD and he CLEARLY ISN’T ANYMORE, THANK GOD! I believed he was gonna be fine, thanks to Ratio’s advice and the fact Aventurine stated he wasn’t going to join his family yet, but then hearing Topaz’s call with Jade and how the Aventurine Cornerstone lost its light made me doubt his status just a little bit, but overall I’m so happy to see our man alive and well. I just wish.. it happened differently? I was expecting this grand reunion cutscene after his death-defying performance and he just.. shows up in the hotel with a completely normal interaction.

That is a whole lotta words, honey, but good for you I guess?

Screwllum jump-scare, also accompanied by lots of words that my mind can’t focus on right now.

… Pardon me? No. Surely not. We still have a whole other patch to get through after this, Welt! Needless to say, at this point in the story, confusion was at an all time high and Penacony’s story was beginning to lose its luster for me because the “ending” didn’t feel like a true conclusion.

Despite the unsatisfying feeling, we indeed arrive back on the Express. It has been a long while since we had a good adventure with our fellow Nameless. I hope he can join us fully in the next planet. Surely he would keep us from getting in trouble.

I feel like this comment isn’t only because we’re the main character, but also because as the player, we were able to view different people’s perspectives aside from the Trailblazer’s.

Is this a date? Sounds like a date. Regardless, I accept!

I can’t believe they actually had credits rolling. It’s giving Argenti trailer flashbacks and they’re really making it seem like this is the end of Penacony. Worth noting that March and Acheron’s real names aren’t listed while Welt and Aventurine’s are.

What the fuck do you mean?? For real though, hearing this after having one of the easiest boss fights of my life is a bit reassuring because I just knew something wasn’t quite right about all this!

Black Swan then retells the whole journey to us, from start to finish while asking us to pick out the one flaw in the whole story, which just so happens to be us running into Misha in the hotel’s lobby. He’s a major flaw that contradicts all other information in the story because that moment shouldn’t have been real. As for much recent occurrences, they don’t appear to be reality either because.. we have yet to actually wake up.

Still within the dream, we experience some deja vu because isn’t this exactly what Acheron says to us the very first time we meet her in 2.0?

Well aren’t you just a splendid little cheat code. No wonder the “Dreammaster” wanted to kick you out of Penacony.

So because we able to realize that seeing Misha in reality was an illusion, we were spared from being trapped like so many other residents of Penacony. I’m honestly surprised how many twists and turns this story can keep introducing to us when we’re so close to the story’s ending, but it’s impressive.

Robin realized there was a flaw in her dream too, which just so happened to be the flashback of her and Sunday finding the injury bird. Apparently that illusion was too blissful to be true? Wild.

We then found out that this fancy little bullet is the relic that Acheron had to return to its rightful owner.

Posing as a Galaxy Ranger to get a real one’s attention so they (Boothill) can properly use the relic in the next stage of the plan is a surprising move from Acheron. Who knew she could play 3d chess.

Firefly deserves some credit too, naturally, since it’s due to her that everyone was able to find us and understand the key to breaking free of this endless dream. By following Elio’s script, one is bound to have a knack of planning ahead and carrying out perfectly timed moves.

The end of Penacony is near but the fact it might actually come at the cost of that precious girl’s life ain’t bringing me much joy!

Last part coming up next and yet there’s still so much to chat about aaahh..

[lesbicona]

why is season 6 of community your favourite /genq im just curious !! :]

the short answer is frankie

the long answer is: im very particular about endings, not in that i need them to have specific qualities (like sad or happy or epilogue-esque or what have you) but in that i need them to have narrative intent. we came close to living in a universe where basic story and basic sandwich closed community's story, and as much as i do genuinely like those episodes (mostly for comedy reasons), i only like them in the context of the full show we have now. i was not old enough to appreciate the show as it aired, but looking back i can see opinions at the time of the ending were divided. season 5 in general, honestly, seems close to season 4 in people's minds- in the post you're referencing where i expressed this opinion, season 5 received literally 0 votes. season 4 is controversial, but season 5 commits a worse sin- it's forgettable. (and i do like it, i really liked prof hickey which is truly a take on this webbed site, but this is my impression of the public opinion of it).

so in just existing, season 6 elevates my personal opinion of the show, but i mentioned public opinion in the paragraph prior because season 6 often gets lumped in with 4 and 5 as 'bad'. now while i have my own set of takes about even just season 4 (really guys, it's fine, it's just an ok season of tv in an excellent show, but it's not BAD) i will try very hard not to get into here, it is an objective divide between the widely acclaimed seasons 1 through 3 and the more controversial rest. my opinions of season 6 are very influenced by this, because it's like my little meow meow i must protect from the haters.

i feel season 6 closes up the themes of community, as evolved and changed as they are, in a satisfying way, and gives the characters themselves a logical narrative end. i especially enjoyed the themes of growing up continued from season 5, which are very pressing in a show about college. of course i realize this is a silly sitcom we're talking about, so i'm not saying that it put forward anything groundbreakingly subtle or even new, but any long-running show (especially one which could not keep the entirety of its main cast) that can wrap up so satisfyingly deserves praise.

and yet, because of the season 4 hurdle, which leaves many people with a bad taste in their mouth for the rest of the entire show, it is not as acclaimed as i think it deserves to be. i don't think people realize how much the show was probably going to change in season 4 even without dan harmon's departure. the idealized season 4 in people's minds seems to be season 3 part 2, which could not have happened for a successful season of television. seasons 1 through 3 are all already very different from each other despite being clumped together. yet people despise every single change to the show from season 4 onward indiscriminately. so of course season 6, with its many, many changes, is so far from season 3 that people blinded by the latter's glory cannot even see the former.

but most if not all of the changes season 6 brings are purely beneficial in my perspective. frankie and elroy are excellent additions to the cast; they are great comedic forces, with a strong role in relation to the others. they both play the almost-straight man jeff used to be, normal in reaction to most of the shenanigans of the original cast while bringing in their own insanity. they also represent the aging of the show. by bringing them in instead of, for example, freshmen students, the new, more grown perspective of the show is reinstated. the bits of their lives outside the committee that we get to see are interesting, funny, and bring them depth.

of course in particular im fond of frankie, who's normal to the point of pathology, whose line deliveries have a 90% chance of obliterating me on the spot, and who is just like me fr fr (a lesbian). she does not budge in her responsibilities, leading to her fluctuating role in the eyes of the cast, antagonist in some episodes and co-lead in others. her presence adds something new for each character to compare themselves to, for the better. in particular, annie, jeff and the dean are all improved because of her.

britta also receives some focus she hadn't since a few seasons past, and while i do not agree with the narrative framing of all of it (as clearly the show itself does not side with her in disliking her parents, as much as she, as a character, has proper reason to), the contents are extremely enjoyable to me. getting a chance to analyze the wannabe-therapist's relationship with her parents is perfectly ironic just as a concept.

season 6 offers some of my favorite comedy of the whole show. while my favorite line forever remains "i need help reacting to this" (which i saw you also enjoy <3), i was in tears of laughter at the end of a majority of season 6 episodes on my first watch. elroy's addiction to encouraging white people is absolutely unforgettable.

sorry for the Whole Fucking Essay! the medium answer, which you unlocked by reading the long answer, is: though perhaps not the objective best community has to offer, i love season 6 twice as fiercely to protect it from its undeserving haters. stan frankie, bring me 6 cans of olives, goodbye.

[almea]

I thought the 2.3 story would be longer than it was because of the trailer, but I think it was a good length, especially after the monster that was 2.2.

I fucking CRIED that Dan Heng's dream was just for the five of them to continue travelling on the Express together forever. Between this and his line in 2.2 about his companions being "once-in-a-lifetime treasures" he is truly the softest boy. I read a fic where I think Himeko told Dan Heng that he could travel with the Express for as long as he wanted, and he thought to himself that he wanted to stay forever, but "forever" means something different to him than it does to the others, and that line has lived in my heart ever since and these last two versions have really shown how that author really nailed the part of Dan Heng that loves the crew so much.

I love the jokes about how trigger happy Dan Heng is with the Jade Abacus in 2.2, but I do also think it's very sweet and a little sad because it feels like his desire to keep the crew safe can get very desperate and frantic. It's also feels like the only reason Dan Heng seems so cool and levelheaded all the time is because he usually has to keep March and Stelle from going too crazy, but when they're gone he's just like. No thoughts, head empty, if I get even an inkling that they're in trouble I am going to make the most reckless choices I can in the moment to protect them and it's all anyone can do to try to stop me.

It's so fucking sad???? That no one knows what exactly happened with Gallagher. Like, Siobhan doesn't know what happened to her friend. This is a crime!! I don't know if we're ever going to see him again in the future, but if we do, I will cry. I didn't really have any thoughts about Misha or Gallagher in 2.0 or 2.1, and then 2.2 happened and now I'm in tears every time either of them are mentioned in the story lmao.

Seeing Stelle be an absolute gremlin who's being babysat by March and Dan Heng from Firefly's perspective was such a treat. She's so unhinged and it was like. Ah yes. This is exactly how I act when I'm playing the game. Opening every chest I see, looking for birds, breaking every destructible item. Getting to hear more of Stelle's voice was also a blessing and a gift.

The last cutscene was soooo beautiful. I loved the shots of everyone in Penacony. It just feels like such a nice way to wrap things up.

And the Firefly and Stelle parts, oh my god. Stelle praying for Firefly's to be okay was so cute. I wasn't expecting that and they just hit me with Stelle looking so adorable. And then Firefly princess carrying Stelle?? First with Sam and then without it?? In that moment Firefly really decided she was the hero of the story and Stelle was the heroine. I just love them so much. Seeing them so happy and relieved together made me so happy too.

There is something there about Stelle first entering the dream by falling from the sky and crash landing, and then ending the story flying through the sky and going even higher with Firefly.

And then they go from that to stabbing me in the heart with the final goodbyes in Penacony. I just. I'm so fond of the Penacony Trailblazers and seeing how the crew honours them was so sweet. I love that Razalina was the one writing those messages in the Dreamscape Pass because that means she's kind of been with us since the beginning. I want to believe we'll get to learn more about her one day, maybe in a Penacony Trailblaze Continuance. I saw a theory that she's Black Swan that was pretty compelling, so Black Swan temporarily travelling with the crew has potential.

I can't believe they made Acheron's farewell skippable. I can't believe there was an option to just go back to the train without saying goodbye to her. I picked the second option first because I thought the sentiment of "If that was the first time we met, then the next time we meet will be a reunion" was very sweet, but I went back and picked the first option afterwards because I figured it was going to be an Impact 3rd reference and I wanted to see it even if I wouldn't really Get It. I wasn't expecting the scene to be so much longer and so touching, with not one but two absolutely beautiful CGs of Acheron. And they made it skippable.

All the new visitor unlocks popping up one after the other after finishing the story was so funny. Especially Sparkle because, girl, you just gave everyone a heart attack because of your bomb threat and then you invited yourself onto the train???? And then I read her text messages, cried hysterically, and was like, okay, you can come visit whenever you want.

When Sparkle created the illusions of the Stellaron Hunters in Acheron's trailer, I had the thought that maybe my dumb theory that they were the ones who hired her to come to Penacony had a chance of being true, but I assumed it was Elio who hired her because she had a part in the script, but no! It was Silver Wolf! Silver Wolf, who was just worried about her friend and wanted to take measures to keep her as safe as possible! I always believed Silver Wolf was secretly very soft for the people she loves beneath all her attitude and I was right!

Silver Wolf and Sparkle being gaming friends is so random and I love it. It's this version's "Blade has a driver's license" for me. I can't believe they dropped this lore on me without adding new voice lines for them about each other. I'm holding out hope for the future…

My mono-Quantum team is Qingque, her boss, Silver Wolf, and her gaming buddy. It's so perfect.

[tutuandscoot]

Can you talk about how Scott's dancing changed when VM moved to IAM from Canton?

LONG POST AHEAD

I sure can!!

I’ve wanted to do a post for so long about more generally how they changed during the comeback bc I think it’s so fascinating. But I’ll focus on this part of it for now.

This is just my feelings and speculation and thoughts on what they’ve said so don’t take any of this as pure fact.

Comparing environments: Canton/MTL

I can only make presumptions on the training environment in Canton based on limited footage (I take the stupid show with about 15 grains of salt) but it just feels like there was less of a safe environment to explore and create- for them at least with the intimate nature of their chemistry and storytelling, it seemed very technical and competitive (in a way that wasn’t the most conductive for creative expression in the way MTL was). A number of things may have contributed to this; them being younger and growing up in that environment from juniors to seniors- so not being the top team when they arrived, (coming to MTL, even being away from comps 2 years it was like ‘the goats’ have arrived and they got to contribute immensely to that being a really positive and creative environment pushing everyone to be their best). The coaching style in Canton (they’ve said M+I were strict.. Russians so its on par), a lot of teams were training there but also it seems other skaters as well from other disciplines, their perspective through that 10-14 quad, T’s injuries,having to prioritise her health, etc. Also with different training environments often you don’t know that there is better or something that is better suited to you out there till you leave your current school, so I’m sure for a long time they were really happy and felt they were thriving.. until they weren’t and often you realise too late.. (they have kinda talked about that in their book. From Tessa.. it’s quite confronting to hear her say that she really didn’t want to go for the 2014 games at one point because she had lost almost all faith in Marina.. desperately want more info on all of that). With Marie and Patch now it was so obvious what a safe and nurturing little circle of trust they had with them (literally their circle of trust at every comp) and when Tessa says when they came back they wanted to be with people who truly loved them.. i think that shows. They could go out and do what they loved together and the people they would see immediately before and after they knew loved them, that would give him (both of them)…. that matters a lot when you are putting your heart on the line. TS do that for each other, but knowing they had people who would loved them no matter what supporting and encouraging their vulnerability would’ve meant everything to them, Scott getting very choked up at his hometown star speech talking to Patch about how much he had done for him.. i think that tells you everything about the role model and male confidant Scott needed and forget dance but just as a person he evolved so much.

Skating style and gender roles

With the comeback them moving away from more traditional in hold skating a bit as well as more traditional ice dance styles (ballroom) there was much more space for them to explore movement both together and apart in complementary to each other. He was always fabulous in that leading man role throughout.. really all their programs, probably Pink Floyd being an obvious exemption and to an extent Carmen (but largely still that male/female dynamic with a lot of in-hold partnering) but in their comeback programs (latch/prince) it wasn’t so much reliant on the fact they were male and female, they were just two people dancing, which allowed them to really explore how they can convey a relationship that isn’t constrained by gender identity for the necessity of the story. I’m sure it was scary for him, having always grown up dancing next to Tessa and being compared to her, the thing with traditional styles is you are dancing with each other, not so much next to each other, so now really choreographically and as adults exploring that.. still always dancing WITH each other but choreographically more separate-and not always unison moments. He just seemed more relaxed, I don’t want to say he was self conscious before the comeback but there was just a slight more stiffness in him in the canton days, where as comeback it felt as though he (both of them actually) were just freely moving. On the matter. Of gender roles, i don’t know if this was something they considered/discussed/wanted to explore in especially Latch, but I love watching it that way. Latch is so obviously their story- their actual story told as so emotionally raw with incredibly painful moments as well as jubilation. None of that in the abstract way they are telling it relies on the fact they are opposite genders- it is just about two humans who need each other and have gone through everything together. Only choreographically in the sense of lifts does it become occupationally obvious it is a man and a woman. Whether they ever did explore that (not literally exploring gender fluidity but unlike FF or MR or SFTD where the relationship they where portraying was a heterosexual one, the emotions in Latch are genderless).. anyway,, thats for another post.

Becoming the dancers they always wanted to be

In Canton, specifically after 2010 they’ve said they felt they had to be the team everyone wanted them to be but now in MTL they could just be themselves, their true, pure emotions were able to come through their movement rather than trying to fit a mould, which is ironic since IAM started developing a bit of a mould and style which makes it hard for teams to differentiate themselves- but even if VM were skating now I don’t think that would happen to them, they stood out no matter what even with compulsories.

Dance training

The way they have discussed their training in MTL it seams they weren’t doing as much ballet - i can’t recall them saying they did but i’m sure they did do some occasionally, instead they were working with Sam a lot with hip hop through their pro career pre-comeback and as they returned, during 2017/18 they worked with their ballroom person (Gigi?), then I’m sure there was some contemporary in there as well.. i know we all like to keep record of everything they’ve shared (on socials) and think thats exactly all that happens but theres A LOT that they didn’t share (how could they possibly share all of it) so just because we didn’t see stuff.. they worked 6 days a week about 11 months a year they can’t share everything so the record painted on social media is not a comprehensive one. I don’t know their full training schedule obviously but all these things would be in there and be essential to them. Then of course intense gym training, Pilates etc.. if they were doing less ballet, pilaties is essentially the next best thing- it works a lot of the same muscles and is specifically a form of exercise that lengthens your body which is what makes great dancers when they are so strong but their lines are to die for (literally ALL -BOTH their lines in Moulin Rogue at the Olys). (I wouldn’t be surprised if Scott ended up doing a lot of Pilates leading up to the olys with the way his lines were perfected).

(Sorry i’ve kinda been talking abut them more generally rather than just Scott but it’s so hard when they are so intwined with each other- i see them as one).

Mental approach and comeback psychology

More than anything though their mindset they took into their comeback was the biggest thing. I know, that shouldn’t have much to do with how his dance ability/style changed.. but its incredibly important. That comeback trailer is incredible because its really them marking their return to the ID world: and under no uncertain terms will they do anything that doesn’t. 100% come from their hearts. “This time its going to be for Us”.. that is everything to me. That is such a powerful and liberating statement. They will only be dancing for themselves and each other. Once you let go of the idea that you ‘should’ do this for someone else or for some other reason that doesn’t align with your values, you dance lighter and with less tension. Thats why they thrived- because while they were dong this for each other, it wasn’t because they felt they ‘should’ be doing it. T’s injures in 2009/2010 essentially left her as having to keep fighting for Scott, she didn’t really have a choice- she didn’t give herself that choice, even though she wanted it just as much..there was a matter of having to do it despite the pain she was in. Now… one of the most powerful things about their partnership is they didn’t have to worry so much about wanting it for themselves, looking after themselves in that respect, because they are doing that whole heartedly for each other- they were protecting and nurturing each other’s dreams, so even on the hardest days.. when they may not have the power to do it for themselves, they will always do it for each other. 😭😭😭

Specific dance notes

I don’t know if he could’ve done Prince anytime before the comeback. I think he needed that freedom to shake off his exquisite ballroom/leading man/Fred Astire-esk persona he always had through all their previous competitive programs so he could really just groove and let go, while of course maintaining beautiful posture, charisma, and being the best partner in the world. Latch I would say some of his arm lines could’ve been better. I will forever be mad at him for always rolling the sleeves up on his costume because it made him look like he was wearing a boys’ ballet exam unitard with half sleeves. At the first two competitions i felt his arm lines were much better but it might have been the full length sleeves. He could’ve stretched though his hands a bit more, this was the same pre-comeback for a while he would often hold tension in his hands (go watch Valse Triste at 2007 worlds and MR olys and watch his beautiful balletic hand lines.. in between these times they sometimes got a bit unfinished) either in a tight almost fist position or sometimes too energised in a splade-finger/jazz hands position. Its very hard to see from a distance but its those small things i pick up on. This remained both throughout MR until really Nationals and then the olys his hands were STUNNING.. i don’t know what he did to fix it but omg just about any picture from the olys THAT MAN HAS THE EXTENSIONS OF A BALLERINA AND I LOVE HIM FOR THAT!! (Sometimes i thought i could see at the boards as he often did his lil bouncy squat warm up, Marie gently placing her hands on top of his and idk but i can just picture her working tirelessly with him getting to release the tension in his hands.. i like the thought of that so i’m gonna go with it). I also found he had a bit of tension in his posture through the comeback year that (almost) immediately went away by their return for the oly season. I put this down to an obvious change in his physicality- he became more broad and muscular in his back- before this he always had a more petite frame. Just that change and getting use to dancing with a different figure can take time- this may have contributed to his shaky twizzles in 16/17. It wasn’t anything bad but just between 16/17 and 17/18 it was something i noticed. His acting had always been exquisite.. really from Funny Face onwards. I will defend that program till my dying day it did wonders for both of them but especially him- where Carmen was T’s break out role Funny Face was his. From there on every heavily characterised program (Carmen, DALD, MR) he was spectacular. I love at GPF 2013 after the SD the besp uncles say ‘you could take him straight to HollyWood’ becuase he is so natural and genuine and never once distracts from Tessa. That kind of performance confidence he carried through every single program they ever did after that. Latch isn’t a program you would say is a “acting” heavy program.. but the emotion he exudes both through movement and expressively legitimately makes me cry. I can’t help myself i bring it up every time but the outside stuff he was dealing with that season.. I don’t know if he did or not but using that deep emotion in their performances.. inevitably, he is such a beautifully emotionally available person i’m sure it was there a bit, and although it was awful for him (and Tessa did such a wonderful job of looking after him), took Latch from a stunning, modern free dance to a heart achingly beautiful human experience playing out on an ice rink. That kind of connection with deep, real emotion i feel was his moment of release of any, even unconsciously self imposed constraints he had on himself as a dancer. He took that through next season to MR and… i mean he is undoubtably one of the most exquisite male performers (specifically dancers) i have ever seen.

So more and more, at this highest of high levels they reached by the end but were always at compared to the rest of the field since they won in 2010 (i will confidently argue watching worlds 2007, they have best performance and pure dance quality of any team there- doesn’t mean they should’ve won, but their burning talent was clear as day, they just had to wait for everyone else to realise it and the scoring to catch up to them), their technique they trained so hard for everyday and were never satisfied, that was brilliant, they are brilliant dancers. Specifically brilliant ice dancers- off ice is very different because their lower bodies are trained to do completely different coordination/steps on the ice. So no i would not be throwing them onstage with the Royal Ballet corps, but in their own right, in their own unique way they are incredible and the best in their SPORT. They both improved immensely through every stage of their career but for Scott especially, the sweet little darling just wanted to always do his best for his best friend and never let her down. He wanted to be the best partner he could for her. Dance was not something he trained specifically for at a young age like T had so that was his thing to work 10 times as hard at.. probably as he would say just to not look bad next to her, but in his own way became this stunning artist who had a way with expressing movement that moved you like nothing else.. i hope he knows how special he is in that respect.

[fullregalia]

i don’t know about you.

Another year, another round up that I felt obligated to write since I basically abandoned this whole thing in 2020. As we are on the cusp of ‘23--I wanted to share some of the things that made ‘22 worth living. Personally speaking, I’m saving about 90% of this year for my memoir; it was a weird one filled with a lot of firsts! Culturally speaking, Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, I finally watched Heat, and we all learned the word polycule.

Let’s get down to business, what did I read, listen to, watch, and generally consume that was noteworthy this year. 

Books

I didn’t read as much as I wanted to this year, but two noteworthy novels I finally got to were Mating by Normal Rush and Happiness, As Such by Natalia Ginzburg. Of contemporary fiction, I was happy for the return of Selin in Either/Or and bookended my year of Emily St. John Mandel with Sea of Tranquility. 

Music

Do I even need to say that my most listened to artists of 2023 were Paul Simon, Niia, John Coltrane, Prokofiev, and Steely Dan? However I did also enjoy the new Beach House, of course I listened to Benito and Steve Lacy, there’s too much Antanoff out there but The 1975 seemed to tamp down his worst impulses, and after REAISSANCE came out I stopped playing Break My Soul on repeat and now am a Virgo’s Groove bitch. 

Movies

As I noted up top, I plugged a lot of holes in my viewing history this year. Shout out to Blank Check and the Big Pic pods for keeping me in the loop. Movie content and analysis for 2022 is abundant (just see: Fran Mag’s 2022 wrap up), so all I am going to say is, “Hi, I’m Petra’s father.” Oh also: Jenny is the MVP of Banshees or Inisherin, and Eyes Wide Shut. 

Podcasts

How Long Gone... How Long Gone? How Long Gone. It turns out I’m exactly that insufferable. I didn’t buy any merch, and I didn’t see them live--but I thought about it, which is bad enough. Besides that I started listening to Celebrity Book Club and I did go to a live taping of Odd Lots. I shed a ton of crooked podcasts (and it feels great). Sorry, but I need smooth brain. 

TV

Speaking of smooth brain, White Lotus season two was the perfect mix of stupid and interesting to keep me totally absorbed. Shout out to my GOAT F. Murray Abraham and perfect Italian American Man Michael Imperioli. Both were underutilized. Industry season two was the fish t-shirt representation I needed. The Bear was exactly how I cook, so that’s cool. I finally caught up on Barry; my friend and I binged The Dropout during a bomb cyclone while we were in North Adams; and just like that... we got an SATC sequel (remember that?! It was terrible). 

Odds & Ends

By far the most notable point of the year in culture for me was Opulent Tips, Rachel Tashjin Wise’s invite-only newsletter (*flips hair*). Her perspective on style and library of references are neither snobby nor abstruse. She loves self-expression and is generous with her advice. Blackbird Spyplane finally helped me to understand WHY EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE PUTTY NOW. If you’re not getting your croissants at Brauð & Co in Reykjavik, what are you even doing there? I made a few art acquisitions (quite possibly a cheap Picasso lithograph and a limited edition poster from The Paris Review) my exposed brick looks so Brooklyn it hurts. Out for 2023? West Elm everything ... In for 2023? Taper candles, mercury glass vases, continuing to pile up the LRBs.

That was honestly just a small fraction of the year... but like every year, it’s impossible to pinpoint when the vibe shift happens. It was a weird year! I hope the one to come is filled with even more adventures (I’m going to Switzerland!), fantastic meals (did I mention I got to buy out Laser Wolf for a work event?!), and grailed acquisitions (I FINALLY got a Mimi Vang Olsen x NY Humane Society t-shirt!!!!) for all. I’ll leave with one final note for 2023, we’ll see if any of it comes true.

[zhouxinju]

𝘚𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘳 𝘋𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘬 +02 𝘌𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.ᐟ

💭 A disclaimer that anything stated below has no correlation with the real muse I currently use and is only related to the writer.

1. Hal terplot twist yang pernah lu alamin di rp

I used to date this one girl back then. Everything seemed okay to me. We exchanged rl stuffs with each other's consent. She told me she was older than me and a foreigner. I was like, 'Okay?' until she finally confessed that she was actually just a minor and not a foreigner.. That was a bit shocking and confusing as hell because that means I dated a friggin minor. 😮‍💨

2. What's your biggest red flag?

Procrastinating. I don't know if this counts as a red flag, but it's something serious for me and something I need to fix!

3. What was the biggest lesson you learned from your last relationship

Maybe I need to be careful and set boundaries to not cross the line, even though I don’t have any intention to. In this context, the RP relationship should just stay here.

4. Kiss, marry, kick member +02

Kith @aisailee @bshangen, marry @kimgaeulm, kick @odteu

5. tag 1 member di sini yh dan bilang sesuatu (misal ⁦@odteu⁩ eh kocak)

@imnotningnig lov u, bb.

6. Spill chara dari selama main rp yang bikin nyaman dan ngerasa bahwa lo dia banget.

Xinyu 🥺

7. Ada chara yang lagi pingin lo mainin gak tapi belum kesampaian, kalau ada sebutin fc-nya

Mamamoo's Wheein.

8. Kalo misal bisa bebas milih pcr buat 3 hari, chara siapa yang kamu pengen?

It's obvious for some people who knows me well. ❗tripleS Sohyun❗

9. Ada fc yang bikin kalian trauma?

Yep. Blackpink rps.

10. How about toxic relationship

If we could use an analogy, a toxic relationship is like a painful tooth. You're afraid to take it out because it would really hurt, but if you don't do anything about it, that tooth could hurt you even more if it stays.

11. Express your feelings to someone you've kept to yourself anonymously.

I really want to move on from you.

12. Your opinion about age-gap rls (satunya fc legal, satunya fc minor)

I honestly don't really mind about that since it's only roleplay, but to avoid any unwanted issues, it's better not to.

13. Say something to someone who isn't here anymore. (lrp atau move acc)

I kinda miss you, and I hope you're doing okay with your life now.

14. random pic yang bikin kalian inget sm mantan

15. wajar ga sih benci orang di rp? terus gimana cara biar ga benci orang di rp versi kamu?

For me, hate is such a strong word. I don't think I've ever hated anyone in my life. I easily get annoyed with people, but I usually just shrug it off and go about my day. Thinking about someone I don't like could ruin my mood, so I choose not to dwell on it too much.

16. biasanya akhir kisah cintamu di rp ditinggalin atau ninggalin?

It actually depends on the situation. But thinking about it again, I'm usually the one who leaves them first.

17. Gimana kesan pesan selama di +02?

For real, I think I could write a long ass letter to express how happy I am to have met you guys. I really enjoy my time here. Please stay this FUNNY!

18. What’s your biggest green flag?

I am confident that I have a level of patience that most people probably don't. I'm also good at controlling my emotions, especially my anger.

19. Platform main RP mana yang paling berkesan?

I only do RP on Twitter/X, so the answer is obvious!

20. Chara terlama kalian apa?

Mamamoo's Moonbyul.

21. Spill chara inceran eak (chara aja gak perlu orangnya)

I actually don't mind tagging the person, but it's Sohyun.

22. Spill teh teraneh yang pernah kelen tau, alami, terlibat (viral atw egk gak masalah)

I think the recent issue involved me when I randomly tagged someone whose account was still active. I swear it wasn’t that deep, but people made it worse by engaging with the complaint tweet.

23. Spill lagu non kpop, non pop indo, dan west pop yang kalian suka.

24. Pribadi kalian gimana? (OC)

It may seem different from everyone's perspective, but if I have to describe my personality, I would say I am someone people can rely on, like a sister figure maybe.

25. tag anak +02 yang first impressionnya terlihat akan susah didekati

@jipseok ^___^

26. Spill alasan kalian masih main RP.

Real-life struggles brought me back here, honestly, to help me stay sane.

27. Spill 3 lagu yang mencerminkan suasana hati kalian saat ini.

[yanawildstar]

Duit Raya. Bukan Duit zakat. It’s not a must. It’s a gift for the little ones.

$2, $4, $5.

Tak cukup. Just because dulu 1998 and now, it is 2024.

Masa dah berubah. Value pun dah lain.

Orang marah bila si pemberi memberi Anak Anak duit sebanyak Itu sahaja.

Hmm.

Anak Anak ni tak tahu nilai duit. Diaorg cuma berasa happy bila dapat duit Raya. Tak kira berapa jumlahnya. Sebab setahun sekali macam dapat gaji, hahaha.

As parents, Kita lah yg kena didik anak tentang bersyukur. Bersyukur walaupun menerima $1 atau tak dapat pun. Sebab duit Raya bukan lah yg Wajib.

Apa makna sebalik sambutan Eid? Untuk dapat kan duit Hari Raya? Untuk beli baju baru? Untuk cantik kan rumah? Or makna sebenarnya adalah kemenangan atas melawan nafs dan terus mencuba untuk menjadi yg lebih baik?

Kita nak marah sebab orang beri Anak Kita hanya $2, $4, $5 sebab times are different now. Tapi Kita tak tanya ke whether yg memberi tu mungkin ada masalah. Mungkin dalam kesusahan tapi tetap ikhlas nak membahagiakan Kanak kanak. Tak nak menghampakan Anak Anak. Jangan selfish.

Ajar Anak Anak Kita tentang nilai sambutan Hari Raya. Tentang silahturahmi. Tentang bersyukur kerana dapat menyambut Eid dgn selesa dan kemeriahan. Tak macam kanak kanak di Syria dan Palestine. Ajar mereka tentang nilai duit. Walaupun sikit, tapi ALHAMDULLILLAH ALLAH kurnia kan rezeki buat kita dan pemberi. Ajar Anak Kita tentang menghormati si pemberi, mengucapkan terima kasih dan semoga ALLAH memberkati si pemberi. Teach them about mendoakan kebaikan orang lain, for Malaikat akan mengaminkan doa mereka dan mendoakan benda yang sama untuk mereka. Ajar Anak Anak tentang ikhsan. Tentang keikhlasan. Bukan merungut about the amount given. How little they received.

Anak Anak ni innocent. Dia orang tak tahu apa apa, melainkan kita yg mencoraknya.

Nilai duit tak sebesar nilai akhlak. Ada banyak duit tapi kalau takde akhlak, hidup sia sia sahaja.

Kalau punya akhlak yg tinggi, walaupun tak banyak duit, insya ALLAH hidup akan senantiasa diberkati.

Eid is about educating ourselves and our kids. About our jihad during Ramadhan into becoming a better individual. Teach them the Islamic values not the value of money.

As the saying goes, money is often considered the cause of many evils. However, expressing gratitude can lead to much happiness. It helps us appreciate what we already have, rather than focusing on what we lack. It allows us to move forward and avoid getting stuck in negative thoughts or situations. Gratitude also helps us gain a new perspective and see things in a more positive light.

Practice the act of attitude of gratitude. Instead of putting everything on price tags and complaining over petty little things.

Times are different but self-worth should never depreciate in value and be measured with a price. Let’s not raise self-entitled little humans.

Sikit punya hal jangan lah kecoh. $2 pun kalau pergi Value dollar shop dapat beli 3 snickers bars! ALHAMDULLILLAH.

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin!

Edited. 👇

Ok ok, nak letak additional point: Kalau yg memberi, Insya ALLAH dapat pahala bersedekah. Ibadah yg besar pahalanya dan mampu mengeratkan silaturahim. Mengembirakan kanak- kanak dan orang tua, pahala Dia semacam. Jadi kita rebut peluang pahala bersedekah. Berilah, walaupun sedikit. Another important point is, pemberian duit raya is seen as amalan yang membuka pintu rezeki. Walaupun sikit, pahala Dia Insya ALLAH lebih banyak dan berganda dari yg kita beri.

Allah SWT berfirman: “Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): Sesungguhnya Tuhanku memewahkan rezeki bagi sesiapa yang dikehendaki-Nya antara hamba-Nya dan Dia juga yang menyempitkan baginya; dan apa sahaja yang kamu dermakan maka Allah akan menggantikannya; dan Dialah jua sebaik-baik pemberi rezeki.” (Saba: 34)

[gcecology]

I recently snagged my partner's thesis and was reading his acknowledgments. They were so great, they were short, pithy, funny. They were so him. Today I pulled down my dissertation and read mine. It reminded me of myself too -- and all the wonderful people, and pups and more, who have supported me along the way. So I thought I would post it here:

I was recently asked to come up advice I would give to other graduate students in ecology. I said ‘find good collaborators and appreciate them.’ The crux of this dissertation is the quality and depth of collaboration and mentoring that has gone into it and I can only write some token of my extreme thanks here.

My advisors, Doug Bolger and Kathy Cottingham have been my most constant and admirable supporters at Dartmouth. They have endured the pain of my fumbling early years here, read the countless grants I wrote to get enough funding for my research, and remained affable and upbeat through to reading manuscripts over and over. I thank Doug especially for sharing his study system in San Diego with me and still have many vivid memories of the first day (post-cross country flight) in the field with him. He has provided me with perspective, humor and a firm grounding in conservation science. To Kathy I extend special thanks for her constant moral, logistical, statistical and realistic good-humored advice and support. She has listened to everything from my most complex stats questions to the most basic etiquette question and somehow always been happy to help. I realized only recently how much I will miss meeting up with Kathy and being able to drop into Doug’s office to chat.

My committee members Matt Ayres, Ross Virginia and John Moore have also been invaluable. Matt was especially helpful in his constant quest for hypotheses and in reading my second chapter more than anyone but me. Ross has been a constant fount of wisdom on academia and formed the base of my ability to understand soil science.

Finally, I could not have imagined a better outside committee member than John Moore. I will never forget him coming up to me during qualifying exams to correct my board work and whispering ‘you’re doing fine.’ He has been fantastic in teaching me food web modeling, soil food webs and has offered me such a depth of advice and knowledge, always with a smile and warmth.

My honorary San Diego-based committee members, David Holway and David Lipson, made the research presented here possible. They both opened up their labs to me when I was only a second-year student. Their constant moral, local logistical support and their freely-offered scientific expertise have been instrumental in all the work presented here. In particular my special thanks for their collaboration on chapter 3 (David Holway) and 4 (David Lipson, with a tour de force to make what I thought would be a ‘Note’ in to a fantastic work and who pushed the revisions through). Additionally, in San Diego, John Martin of the San Diego National Wildlife Refuge has provided habitat, but also support and important information on local management projects and needs.

In addition I cannot express my full thanks to so many other advisors, friends, collaborators and mentors. To Mary Poulson, Mark McPeek, Becky Irwin, Becky Ball and Susan Milord. To Craig Layne for his friendship, miraculously unflagging support; he has been an amazing source of ideas, advice and chocolate. To Joe Craine and Kendra McLauchlan for their friendship, advice, expertise, and dinners. To Jeb Barrett for answering and re-explaining his answers to all my most basic soil science questions, and for beer hour. To Dan Gruner, Claire de Mazancourt, Elizabeth Borer and the rest of the NCEAS Trophic Structure working group, for showing me just how fantastically fun and fast-paced collaborative science can be. To Eric Seabloom for incredible patience and long-distance support while I learned R. To John Gilbert, who seems to always enjoy science and life, and is an inspiration to me. To Erin Wilson and Dana Morin for friendship and collaboration in San Diego. To Pauline Roberts for telling me to keep a daily field log. To Megan Donahue for showing me Balboa Park and explaining how to non-dimensionalize and drop the hat. To my labmate, Tom Morrison, for critical moments of coffee and associated conversation. To David Mbora for wine, conversation and perspective. To Sarah Neeley for friendship, time in Manhattan and teaching me structural equation modeling. To my dear friend, Sharon Martinson, it is impossible for me to express all she has done for me as a friend and scientist. To my sister and best friend, Joy, who knows the answers to all my questions and has always been there for me.

In the lab I have received extensive help, especially from Paul Zietz and many undergraduates. Among these Mayda Nathan and Britt Ousterhout deserve the greatest thanks and accolades. They are gifted researchers and have been critical to this research. Will Stork, Ha Linh Vu, Ankit Rastogi, Sam Haynor have also provided great help.

On the same occasion as this advice question I started this section with, I was asked who was my greatest inspiration, and I was able to quickly answer, ‘my mother.’ My Mum, Jeanne Dearden, has forever been the most remarkable person I know. She is thoughtful, too giving, well-read, funny and joyful and she makes my every day happier. I would not be an ecologist were it not for her love of nature, for her moving her entire family to the wilds of rural New Hampshire when I was six, for the wonderful friends and siblings she has given me—Joy and Jake Wolkovich, for the home and wonderful animals—most especially my Tilly—she brought into our lives, and for her constant and demanding wish that I be nothing more than happy. Far more important than the time I spent the last six years at Dartmouth is the time I have spent with my Mum and she has my greatest appreciation for all she has given me.

[master-missysversion]

I am pretty sure the Dan outing Yaz thing is about him telling the Doctor 5 seconds after Yaz has - kinda - made it clear she isn't even completely out to herself yet, let alone anybody else.

To be the first one someone comes out to - also kinda because she had to but that conversation is sweet imo I don't have issues with it - and then immediately run to your mutual friend and pass the message along, is not the best thing to do.

He didn't mean to hurt them, of course and there was a good chance they were about to die and the Doctor is a genderfluid alien but still. He did out her and she was not happy about it (see lotsd). Even if it was good that her and the Doctor talked and that arguably wouldn't have happened otherwise.

(I am actually more or less partial to him outing her. It is the wrong thing to do, yes, and he hurt her and I wish we would have seen them talk that out, but it is also so helplessly kind. Because he is trying to do the right thing, he just doesn't. And stuff like that can happen even with supportive family/friends and it is still wrong, so I like the idea of making him mess it up. I'd just wish we would have seen that discussed in more detail afterwards.)

(It would have been so easy to go 'you like her' instead btw. Like, 'Doc, it is obvious you are into Yaz but you are sending mixed signals. (Again.) Stop playing with her.')

Yeah idk i guess so can see how you'd take that perspective but I just don't think it was the terrible act people make it out to be. It's not like Dan was actually fishing for information from Yaz with the express purpose of passing it on to the doctor, and most of the issues with timing can probably be attributed to real life timing— Eve of the Daleks wasn't even supposed to exist so I'm sure they were feeling the pressure of how quickly this storyline had to be moved along

I dont really remember yaz mentioning it in lotsd, I'd probably have to rewatch that

Ultimately I think a lot of the feelings around this maybe are just to do with personal experience, I'm at university where its very common to be queer and talk about liking girls, or about who likes who, regardless of gender. It's not as tentative or nerve-wracking as it was in high school or in my home town. I have experienced my mum telling her friends that I'm queer and nobody has reacted badly but i do know its pretty uncomfortable, so I imagine that's the kind of experience people are perceiving this situation with Yaz and Dan as being like, it's just not what I automatically compare it to yk?

[otherprojecto]

MAIN CONCEPT

ENGLISH VERSION.

The Other Project is a temporary open agency based in Indonesia with a focus on the grocery concept. For us, grocery reflects freshness, diversity, cheerfulness, and orderliness. Our vision is to be a fresh and passionate agency, full of creativity and vibrancy, as well as bringing joy and uniting people from different backgrounds.

We chose the name "The Other Project" because we wanted to bring a fresh perspective to the common grocery concept. Usually, grocery is merely seen as a place for routine buying and selling, but we aim to infuse creativity and innovation into our agency.

For some people, grocery shopping can also be a way to unwind, not just a chore. Shopping can help alleviate the fatigue from life's routines. Therefore, the main concept of our agency is to meet, gather, and relax in a different way. We will invite and accompany you to express yourselves and enjoy leisure time together with The Other Project.

The Other Project will run for 30 days with two events, one at the beginning and one at the end of the period. Our main goal is to have fun and relax together. Throughout the next 30 days, we hope to bring peace and happiness into your busy lives.

We want to share that our graphic designs are influenced by the remarkable work of two stores that have left an unforgettable mark in the creative community, namely Thence and Plafla. Their exceptional talent and innovative ideas have inspired us, and we deeply respect and admire their work, making them a constant source of inspiration for our agency.

“Don’t you know whenever you tired, you can take a rest. Don’t you know that everytime you sad, you could cry. don’t you know whenever you lose, you could find the Other Project.”

VERSI INDONESIA.

The Other Project adalah agensi terbuka sementara berbasis bahasa Indonesia dengan fokus pada konsep grocery. Grocery bagi kami mencerminkan kesegaran, keberagaman, keceriaan, dan keteraturan. Visi kami adalah menjadi agensi yang segar dan bersemangat, penuh dengan kreativitas dan warna-warni, serta menyenangkan dan menyatukan orang-orang dengan latar belakang yang berbeda.

Kami memilih nama "The Other Project" karena ingin memberikan sentuhan baru pada konsep grocery yang umum. Grocery biasanya hanya digunakan sebagai tempat jual-beli rutin, tetapi kami ingin memberikan tampilan kreatif dan inovatif dalam agensi kami.

Grocery bagi beberapa orang juga bisa menjadi cara menghilangkan kepenatan, bukan hanya tidur. Berbelanja dapat membantu mengurangi kelelahan dari rutinitas kehidupan. Oleh karena itu, konsep utama agensi kami adalah bertemu, berkumpul, dan bersantai dengan cara yang berbeda. Kami akan mengajak dan menemani kalian untuk berekspresi dan menikmati waktu santai bersama dengan The Other Project.

The Other Project akan berjalan selama 30 hari dengan dua kali event, di awal dan di akhir periode. Tujuan utama kami adalah menyenangkan dan bersantai bersama. Selama 30 hari ke depan, kami berharap bisa memberikan ketenangan dan kebahagiaan dalam kesibukan hidup kalian.

Kami ingin berbagi bahwa desain grafis kami dipengaruhi oleh karya luar biasa dari dua toko yang telah meninggalkan jejak tak terlupakan dalam komunitas kreatif, yaitu Thence dan Plafla. Bakat mereka yang luar biasa dan ide-ide inovatif telah menginspirasi kami dan kami sangat menghormati serta mengagumi karya mereka, sehingga menjadi sumber inspirasi konstan bagi agensi kami.

“Apakah kamu tau ketika kamu lelah, kamu dapat beristirahat. Apakah kamu tahu, ketika kamu merasa sedih kamu diperbolehkan menangis. Ketika kamu tau kamu mengalami kekalahan, kamu bisa mencari Other Project.”

[sistersinead]

Reflections on Reading the Zhuangzi as a Transsexual

[I realised Tumblr doesn't have character limits so I can just repost my whole essay instead of linking it]

The Zhuangzi begins with a transformation. The great fish Kun in the Northern Oblivion turns, quite suddenly, into an equally great bird named Peng, who begins flying toward the Southern Oblivion. Peng’s great size means he must fly at an astronomical height, and below him on the ground, the cicada and the fledgling dove laugh at his excess. They are quite happy hopping between trees, and think Peng ridiculous for being so huge.

Of the commentators, Guo Xiang sees in this story a radical equality between divergent perspectives, that “each [being] fits perfectly into precisely the position it occupies”. Cheng Xuanying sees a commitment to constant change and to adapting oneself to one’s newfound disposition. I myself stand somewhat more than six feet tall, and weigh somewhat more than a hundred kilograms; I fit only awkwardly into chairs and clothes, and take up more space than those around me. I am also, lately, a woman, which has the effect of emphasising my size. So as I read the story of Peng who was Kun, I wonder if he ever wished to be as small as a cicada or a dove. I wonder if he ever felt less of a bird for having once been a fish.

***

I came to Daoist philosophy through Ursula Le Guin’s rendition of the Daodejing. In the second poem of that small volume, I read:

The things of this world

exist, they are;

you can’t refuse them.

-like a moment of vertigo. I still can’t explain why this truism has the effect on me it does, but I find myself, in moments of pain or grief, reminding myself: this exists, it is, you can’t refuse it. Somehow, it helps.

***

There are innumerable Daoist texts, but three are esteemed above the rest — the Daodejing (sometimes called the Laozi after its legendary author Lao Dan), the Zhuangzi, and the Liezi. If the Daodejing is a still, clear pool, the Zhuangzi is a mess of currents. Elaborate stories of fantastical creatures vie for space with polemics against popular morality, logical paradoxes, and jokes at the expense of Confucius. Its most prominent theme is transformation, including the passage for which Zhuang Zhou is most famous in the West:

Once Zhuang Zhou dreamt he was a butterfly, fluttering about joyfully just as a butterfly would. He followed his whims exactly as he liked and knew nothing about Zhuang Zhou. Suddenly he awoke, and there he was, the startled Zhuang Zhou in the flesh. He did not know if Zhou had been dreaming he was a butterfly, or if a butterfly was now dreaming it was Zhou. Surely, Zhou and a butterfly count as two distinct identities! Such is what we call the transformation of one thing into another.

Like many passages in this text, it carries multiple meanings. It posits an equivalence between one entity and another, and also between dreaming and waking, suggesting that these are nothing more than a matter of perspective expressed in the indexical ‘I’; it also depicts the natural, unthinking spontaneity or ‘self-so’ that Daoism has at times held up as the highest form of life. It hints at moral particularism — the idea that no one way or mode of action or being will be appropriate at all times and in all places. And to a trans person, the casual dismissal of artificial categories and boundaries is intoxicating. Why should I accept the bounds of sex when Zhuang Zhou could not even be convinced of the validity of the boundaries of species?

***

Something I immediately found attractive in my reading around Daoism was the almost perverse indefinability of this movement. The name ‘Daoism’ is ambiguous between ‘philosophical Daoism’ — a quietist movement that emphasises emptiness and spontaneity, and de-emphasises rational thought and planning — and ‘religious Daoism’, a syncretic religion that worships Lao Dan as a god and advocates the pursuit of immortality through, among other things, alchemy. Within philosophical Daoism (sometimes called Lao-Zhuang after its most prominent thinkers), there is no doctrine or dogma that can uncontroversially be proclaimed. It is an anti-doctrine.

Even the great texts of Daoism reflect these ambiguities. The Daodejing is traditionally attributed to Lao Dan (or perhaps his name was Lao Er), about whom nothing is known — the earliest biographical account of Master Lao is internally incoherent, placing Lao in the timeline twice, two centuries apart. The most common view these days is that the Daodejing is a compilation of an unknown number of texts and authors. The Zhuangzi, meanwhile, was once a text of 52 chapters, but is now only extant as a 33-chapter book. Of those chapters, only the first seven can be attributed with confidence to Zhuang Zhou (about whom, in any case, little more is known than the mythical Lao Dan); the remaining 26 appear to be another compilation of writings by students, hangers-on, imitators and interlocutors, responding to the numinous Inner Chapters (as the first seven have become known). Both the Zhuangzi and the Daodejing were written before the category of Daoism was established — their authors would not have considered themselves Daoists. The Liezi, finally, is attributed to 5th-century BC philosopher Lie Yukou, but is now known to be a forgery compiled some eight centuries later, and one of its eight chapters expounds a hedonistic philosophy so at odds with the rest of the book it is often considered an interpolation.

***

My favourite story from the Zhuangzi is that of Carpenter Shi. The carpenter, on some journey, passes by a huge old tree. His apprentice stops to marvel, but his master disdains the tree, and lectures the apprentice on the tree’s uselessness — it’s too soft, too gnarled, to make into anything.

That night, Carpenter Shi dreams of the tree. In his dream, the tree defends itself. It tells Shi that its uselessness has been cultivated over a lifetime, and is a great benefit. If it were useful, it would have been cut down for lumber, or hemmed up in an orchard. Being useless means nobody has bothered to interfere with it, so that it has been able to grow to its full height and live to a ripe old age. The tree mocks Shi, asking him: what are you useful for?

At the core of much homophobia and transphobia is the idea that we are useless, barren, not fulfilling the duty for which humans were created by God or Evolution. This finds vicious expression in the prurient way that a certain variety of bigot likes to describe trans people’s genitals, but it tends to run as a current beneath most of the anxieties about gender transition. Zhuang Zhou’s joyful embrace of uselessness is a balm against this petty, shopkeeper’s utilitarianism. To be self-so is to be useless, immune to co-option and subordination to another’s agenda. When Daoists talk of Heaven (tian), they simply mean what is so of itself, not reduced by purpose or meaning.

***

There is, traditionally, no word for ‘Daoist’ in any Chinese language — in the sense of an ordinary or lay believer, analogous to ‘Christian’ or ‘socialist’. This could be regarded as a linguistic oddity, but I find in it a neat demonstration of the anti-doctrine of Lao-Zhuang thought. To say that one “is” a Daoist feels like a confusion, in the absence of a creed to be affirmed or a deity to dedicate oneself to. These texts talk instead about possessing the Way, in a manner that feels reminiscent of having rhythm or poise, or being able to dance. Not something known, or even a path walked, but the capacity to freely choose a direction and begin walking, leaving a new path in one’s wake.

***

Zhuangzi, too, challenges some trans orthodoxies. When he rejects fixed identity, personality and name, I think of the great public-relations effort by some trans organisations and allies to convince the world that trans people’s genders are Real in some objective, permanent, biological or metaphysical sense; that we have different brains or minds that mark us out somehow as distinct from the cis people we superficially resemble; that the doctors who assigned our genders at birth simply got it wrong, and with cis people, those doctors get it right. It’s harder to sell — and more challenging, especially for cis people, to hear — that gender assignment is an act of creative imposition, not a finding of already-existing scientific fact; that cis people’s genders are also acquired, chosen, and performed; that this is not science but storytelling.

The Consummate Person has no fixed identity, the Spirit Man has no particular merit, the Sage has no one name.

What if, instead of clinging to an identification with gender (or, for that matter, with transness), we could use the momentum of our transitions to cast ourselves away from these limits entirely? What if, as Cheng Xuanying said of Kun and Peng, “Whatever thousands of changes and ten thousands of transformations I may go through, not one of them fails to be myself”?

***

In the final story of the Inner Chapters of the Zhuangzi, we meet Swoosh of the Southern Sea, Oblivion of the Northern Sea, and Chaos of the Middle Sea. Swoosh and Oblivion want to do something nice for their friend Chaos. They realise that Chaos lacks the “seven holes” (the eyes, ears, nostrils, and mouth) by which people perceive the world, and resolve to give him this gift. Each day they drill a new hole, and by the seventh day, Chaos is dead.

Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.