#also had to travel unexpectedly this month so i am really feeling the time crunch

[arcadiiian]

sooo... the reason you haven't seen any art from me over the past month.........

i impulse-joined tavern keeper game jam on itch as an artist + writer and there's 5 days left to finish before the deadline 😭💪 i've never worked on a game before so i am very excited to see how this turns out!! (if we manage to finish in time!)

[mca-attack21]

The Choice

This is slightly based of the episode Amy’s Choice without Amy or Rory. The ending is sad, but it needed to happen, so I won’t apologize. I hope you enjoy.

You were at your home sitting on your couch, closing your laptop as you finished off some work. Standing up, you stretched and went into the kitchen to make dinner. You paused, taking a moment to glance at the pictures on your wall. They were from yours and the Doctor’s travels. You missed it sometimes, but you were happy here. It was relieving not to constantly be fighting just to stay alive. It had been about two years now. He stopped by sometimes to check in or to pull you along on the occasional adventure. And that was enough, it had to be after what had happened.

You put on some music and started to make dinner. You always made dinner for two just in case he would pop in unexpectedly. You set the table for two and then waited for the food to finish cooking. You were happily surprised to hear the TARDIS outside your window. You all but ran to the door, opening it just before he could begin to knock. “Doctor!” you exclaimed as you pulled him into a hug.

“Y/n!” he replied just as giddy. “How have you been?”

“Good, you’re just in time for dinner. Join me?” you asked as you gestured for him to come in.

“I suppose, if it’s no trouble?” he answered.

“None at all, I already have a place set for you,” you smiled back at him.

“But you didn’t know I was coming, why would you set me a place?” he asked.

“I always do,” you answered. This caught him off guard, he had forgotten how at home you had been able to make him feel.

“I see you’ve added more photos” he commented as he walked through the halls to your dining room.

“Yeah, from our last couple of adventures. I got them printed last month.” you reply as you carry the last of the food to the table. “I hope this is okay, I’ve never seen you eat much. So I don’t really know what it is you like. I mean if you don’t like it I can also make something diff-”

“Y/n, this looks amazing. Thank you” he said cutting you off. You smile and sit down and the two of you divvy out the food, exchanging some small talk. He was about to start eating when his head started to become foggy. “Y/n, what is that noise?” he asked.

“It’s just a back track, it’s supposed to be relaxing. Doctor- are you alright?” you asked.

“Yeah, my head’s just a bit. Oh…what were you” he said before nodding off.

You got out of your chair to check on him, but fell to the ground unconscious.

You woke up in your bedroom in the TARDIS, you just had the most peculiar dream. You went out to the console room to check in on the Doctor and see what he was up to. He ran to you as you came into sight “Oh, you’re here. That’s brilliant, I had a nightmare. But it’s okay now. Just a dream. You’re safe now, that’s what counts. I’ve never dropped off like that. Never. I’m getting on a bit. Now, what’s wrong with the console? Red blinking lights, let’s start there.” he rambled as he started looking over his precious TARDIS.

“Doctor, I also had a sort of a dream thing. Not a nightmare. But a dream more vivid than anything I’ve ever had before.” you explain getting his attention.

“What happened in this dream?” he asked scanning you with his sonic screwdriver.

“I was home, but it was in the future. We weren’t traveling together anymore. I made dinner and then you came over. And we started eating-” you recalled before being cut off.

“We were eating a grand meal that you had prepared. You were worried that I wouldn’t like it, but it was brilliant” he finished.

“Yeah, how did you know?” you asked stepping back from him.

“I had the same exact dream” he answered.

“But you said you had a nightmare?” you questioned.

“Did I say that? I didn’t mean nightmare. It was a good mare?” he tried, “Anyways, if we had the same dream it means we both had some sort of psychic episode. We probably just jumped a time track or something.” he continued turning his attention back to the TARDIS.

“Doctor, if everything is back to normal then why can I hear the back track again?” you asked before you blacked out again.

You awoke on the ground of your apartment. “Woah, I must be overdoing it. I blacked out and thought I was back on the TARDIS.” you laughed making your way to your feet.

“We were back on the TARDIS. And we thought this was a dream” the Doctor stated.

“You had the same dream? Wait weren’t we just talking about this? You said it was because of a time jump or something.” you asked trying to understand what was going on here.

“Listen to me very carefully Y/n, trust nothing. From now on trust nothing you see, feel, or hear.” he said looking around for anything that didn’t fit in.

“But we are awake now?” you asked.

“Yeah, but we thought we were awake in the TARDIS.”

“But we are at home?” you ask still trying to understand the situation.

“Yes you are. But which is which? Are we flashing forwards or backwards?” he asked, “Hold on tight, this is going to be a tricky one” he spoke as the darkness took over again.

“This is bad. I don’t like this” he exclaimed kicking the TARDIS’ console and grunting in pain, “Life lesson, never use force as you will only embarrass yourself. Unless you are cross, in which case always use force”

“Shall I run and get the manual?” you asked trying to be helpful.

“Can’t, I threw it in a supernova.” he answered.

“What in heaven’s name would possess you to do such a thing?” you asked trying to keep up with him.

“I disagreed with it” he shouted back at you frustrated, “Stop talking to me when I’m cross”

“So the TARDIS malfunctioning is what is causing us to dream about the future?” you asked.

“If that is the dream. But we could be there dreaming this up. Don’t you understand?” he answered.

“Not really? This is real. Isn’t it?” you tried, but your head was spinning.

“Y/n, listen to me. This feels real when we are here. The other world feels real when we are there.You can’t know you are in a dream while you are in the dream. You can’t trust anything. You have to find the things that don’t line up. Anything that isn’t normal.” he answered starting to tinker on the TARDIS.

“Well I’m in a spaceship which is bigger on the inside that travels through time and space with an alien who wears bow ties. So I am sorry if I am having a little trouble identifying what is abnormal about this situation” you huffed.

“Y/n listen, I’m going to get us out of this. You just have to trust me.” he answered softening his voice as he realized for the first time how scared you were. As he was trying to figure out where exactly the two of you were the power went off in the TARDIS.

“Doctor?” you called.

He reemerged from underneath the console and looked around. “It’s dead. We are in a dead time machine.” he stated in disbelief. The back track started to play again loudly. “Remember how real this feels. When we wake up remember-”

“Doctor- I think this is the real one. The TARDIS can’t just die? She’s parked outside now and this is the future. We couldn’t have a future if we die there.” you explain as you come to.

“But that’s the point. What if that is where we truly are and we are dreaming of a future. So this doesn’t exist. That TARDIS is part of the dream as is every aspect of this reality.” he answered waving his hands around looking for motion blur or some sign of pixelation to prove this was not real. He took your hand and lead you to the street. It was empty. “Is it always this calm?” he asked.

“Well it is dinner time. Plus you know, I like the quiet. After everything…” you answered.

“We have to stop doing this” The Doctor said as the two of you woke up in the TARDIS.

“It’s so cold in here” you said rubbing your arms at the drastic temperature change.

“The heating's off.” he answered before continuing to mumble to himself, “Heat’s off. Sensor’s off. Core Power is off. We are Drifting. And I can’t even figure out where.”

“Doctor- how can I help?” you asked.

“That’s just the thing, you can’t. Someone-Something is overriding my controls. And I can’t do a thing about it!” he growled.

Suddenly, a man appeared out of thin air, “Took you long enough to figure that out. Honestly I had heard such good things. ‘Last of the Time Lords’, ‘Earth’s Great Defender’ , ‘ the Oncoming Storm’  Gotta say, a little bit of a let down.” he spoke walking towards you and the Doctor.

“How did you get in my TARDIS?” the Doctor asked in disbelief, “What are you?”

“Let’s see. If you are a Timelord, let’s call me a Dreamlord.” he said as he continued towards you, “Ah Y/n, the Doctor’s last companion. Sorry to suck you up in all of this, but the Doctor needed a little motivation.” he answered reaching his hand out to touch your face before the Doctor swatted it away.

“I think I’ll do the talking from here on out. Good that. So you manipulate dreams and delusions. Why?”

“I don’t just manipulate dreams, I create them. And I've seen all of yours. I’ve seen some of yours twice Y/n. I would blush but I don’t exactly have a blood supply or a real face” he answered making you very uncomfortable.

“Listen hear” the Doctor interrupted as the Dreamlord teleported to the front of the TARDIS.

“Here is the challenge. Two worlds: one is real one is a dream. Is this real? Or is the future real? Only I know for sure. You two will have to pick one. To make it more interesting, I’m going to put you in time crunching life or death situations in both of them. If you die in the dream you wake up in reality. If you die in the reality, you die.” he explains before snapping his fingers and causing the back track to sound, “Time to sleep, or are you waking up?”

The Doctor struggled harder this time trying to fight off the dream, but it was no use. The two of you woke up in the middle of the street. “I don’t know what he was talking about. Nothing deadly or dangerous ever happens here.” you piped up.

“Y/n. There were children playing in that park and the parents. What happened to them?” the Doctor asked walking over to the scene. But in the place of the children were piles of ash. He took out his sonic screwdriver fearing the worst. They had been disintegrated and  there were very few things powerful enough to manage that. He looked around for the cause. But was cut off-

“It’s even colder now” you said as you tried not to shake.

“Why does it matter if it’s cold? We have to figure out why this is happening. What happened to all of those people!” he raised his voice. When his eyes met yours he grounded himself, rubbing his tired eyes, “I’m sorry Y/n, I forget that you are human sometimes. There are warm clothes and blankets in the room across from yours. Go get warm. I’ll figure this out.” he said apologetically.

You left without saying a word. This was too much- all of it was too much. You had never seen the Doctor so hostile. Especially towards you. You quickly rummaged through the closet pulling out a hat, gloves, and a coat. You put them on and wrapped yourself in a blanket grabbing an extra one for the Doctor.

You walked back and threw the blanket over his shoulders. He thanked you as he continued tinkering on the TARDIS. He managed to get the shields to go up so he could figure out where the two of you were. You were headed towards a cold star. This meant that it was not simply a heating malfunction, the two of you were literally freezing to death. That was your deadly challenge in this dream.

“So this is the dream? Stars can’t burn cold can they?” you ask rubbing your arms under the blanket.

“I don’t know. It wouldn’t surprise me if they could. Just because I haven’t seen it before doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. But I’m not risking our lives on that chance” he explained weighing the odds in his head.

“There was an old doctor from Gallifrey. He knew he couldn’t save the day. Instead he would throw his life away. He let his friend down and-” the Dreamlord said as he popped in the room before the back track played again.

The Doctor glanced around before seeing an elderly man on a bench. “Sir- did you see what happened here?” he asked. “Sir?” he questioned again. “Y/n have you seen this man before?” he asked you in a whisper.  “No, never. “ you answered. The man opened his mouth and shot out a toxin. The Doctor had just managed to push the two of you out of the way in time. “Run!” he yelled as he headed back to your house, the old man following behind you.

The two of you made it and bolted your door. With some struggle you managed to move a bookshelf in front of it hoping that it would buy you some time. “Let’s see we are both  having the sames dreams at the same time. We are able to interact with each other. There has to be something I’m missing. I’m sure there is a dream giveaway or a tell. But my mind isn’t working because this life is so dull. I’m slowing down like you have.” he rambled obnoxiously trying to figure out his next move.

“Shut up” you yelled back at him, “You don’t get to talk to me like that. Not after what you did. You don’t get to. Not now, Not ever. Got it?”

The Doctor was caught off guard. You had NEVER yelled at him before. Ever. He looked at you in disbelief before mumbling a quiet, “Got it, sorry.”

He was going to apologize fully. He’d never realized- But before he could get a chance to do anything else the back track played and you woke back up in the TARDIS.

“Ah- It’s colder” you said as you wrapped yourself back up in your blanket. The Doctor sat down beside you and put his blanket around the two of you.

“We have to decide together right now which is the dream. We have to decide which battle to lose now. So we have a chance to make it out of this.”

“Okay, which do you think is the dream?” you ask.

“I dunno. The science here is off. But the universe is huge so it is very possible this is real. And the other one seemed normal. But is normal actually normal?” he asked glancing at his watch. 9 minutes until you would impact the star which meant the two of you had more like 5 minutes before you would freeze to death. “What are your thoughts?” he asked.

“I think that this one is real” you answered.

“Why? Why do you think this one is real? I wish we could divide up. And then we could have a presence in each world. But the Dreamlord keeps switching everything. Why? Where is the logic?” he said pacing back and forth.

“That’s a brilliant idea. I’ll split the two of you up so I can have a lovely chat with Y/n here. Maybe I’ll keep her and you can go back to being alone. Should you figure out which reality is which” the Dreamlord said as he appeared in between you and the Doctor.

“If you lay a hand on her, I swear I will- Y/n- I” he tried before falling on the ground unconscious. 

He hit the ground in frustration as he found that you were still unconscious. He then noticed that the man was starting to bust down the door. “Quick- we have to go” the Doctor said as he hoisted you up and carried you to the back door.

But there were more of them now. Your house had been surrounded. “Upstairs then” he said as he heard glass shattering behind him. He carried you to your bed room and sat you down barricading the door again. At this point he was just trying to buy some time. You had said that this was the dream, but how did you know. And what if you were right and when he died here he woke up in reality, without you?

Meanwhile:

“Poor Y/n. He always leaves you doesn’t he? He never apologizes. Never stops to consider your feelings.”

“He doesn’t have to” you say defensively.

“That’s good. Because he never will. You are just a means to an end. Look now, he’s left you with me. Spooky old, not to be trusted me. And I could do anything I want.” he said reappearing right next to you.

“Who are you and why are you doing this? The Doctor knows you. He hasn’t told me yet. But he always does. It takes a while sometimes, but he always does. So why are you any different?” you ask standing up and facing him.

“Oh. Is that who you think you are? The one companion the Doctor trusts completely?” he asks sourly.

“Yes, actually I do” you reply not breaking eye contact.

“You are the one girl he tells everything. He’s told you about Rose? What about Donna? Has he told you about Gallifrey and his glorious family. He told you that he killed all of the Timelords including his own children, his own grandchildren. He has done unspeakable things Y/n, has he told you about them?” he bellowed.

You were speechless. He had mentioned his past companions and occasionally spoke of Gallifrey but you had never really thought about what it meant that he was last of the Timelords. The Dreamlord spoke again breaking the silence, “If you really know him Y/n, then tell me, what is his real name?”

He disappeared and reappeared by the Doctor’s unconscious body which you had since covered with all of the spare blankets you could find. “Tell me Y/n, what is real? Do you stay with him and let him ruin you, or do you get out? It’s your decision. He will follow you either way. So what is real? He’s waiting for you. Your time is up, got to make a choice.” he said snapping and causing you to fall next to the Doctor.

You gasped looking around, “How did I get up here?” you asked looking to the Doctor.

“I-I carried you.” he answered glad to have you back with him.

“What are we going to do?” you asked hearing the banging on the door.

“I don’t know. At this point I have no idea which is real” he answered.

“Okay so we have a fifty-fifty shot.” you note head spinning, “We die here and we wake up in the TARDIS.” you sat standing up and walking towards the door.

“Or we just die!” the Doctor said grabbing your arm before you did anything rash.

“This is the dream. I know it.” you say looking him in the eyes.

“But how are you so sure?” he asked.

“Because-” you hesitated, “Because I love you, and I wouldn’t be able to leave you. I would not be able to be happy without you. This life would never be enough. So I know that this has to be the dream. Because if it is real I don’t want it. I could never want it. I would rather die” you answer avoiding his eyes.

He was shocked by your answer. He had never known that you- he’s thought about it. But-

“Do you trust me?” you ask.

“Always.” he answered and allowed you to open the door. He watched as you disintegrated. And then faced the same fate final thoughts hoping you were right.

You opened your eyes and were back in the TARDIS. It was too cold. You could barely move. You saw the Doctor’s eyes opened and were filled with relief. You had made the right choice. He reached out for your hand and held it.

“So you chose this world. Well done, you got it right. And with only seconds left. Fair is fair. Let’s warm you up.” The Dreamlord said as he turned the TARDIS back on. “I hope the two of you enjoyed your little fictions. They were both so revealing. They came straight out of your imaginations, so I’ll leave you to make of that what you will. I have been defeated so I will withdraw. Farewell.” he said before disappearing.

“Y/n- stay down. It’ll take you longer to recover from the cold.” The Doctor said as he piled his blankets on top of you.

“And what is it you are doing?” you asked.

“Me? I’m going to blow up the TARDIS.” he said nonchalantly.

“Come again?” you reply.

“That was too easy. The Dreamlord was too helpful. He was making us chose between dream and reality. But he has no power over the real world. He was offering us a choice between two dreams. Nightmares actually. He just made them really believable” he said as he continued turning knobs.

You forced yourself to your feet woozily. “But how do you know?” you question.

“Because I know who he is. Do you trust me?” he asked.

“Always” you answered.

The Doctor had pushed the last button and you were met by a blinding light as the TARDIS exploded. It was all over in an instant.

When you woke up, you were in your room. You didn’t move at first just trying to work through everything that had happened. The Dreamlord’s words were running through your head. You didn’t want to face the Doctor. Not yet, not after everything you had been through. But then you thought about everything he had been through too. Last. Of. The. Timelords. That title was much heavier now, and it would forever serve as a reminder that he needed you.

You finally mustered up the courage to exit your room. “Awe you’re up!” he said as you entered the console room. “Look what I found. This is a spec of psychic pollen. It must have been drifting around the TARDIS for ages. It finally made its way to the time rotor, heated up, and induced a dream state the two of us.” he explained.

“So that was the Dreamlord?” you asked.

“No. Wasn’t it obvious? The Dreamlord was me. You see the pollen latches on to a mind and feeds on what it finds in the deepest darkest corners. It gives the darkness a voice and uses it against you. I’m 907, it had a lot to go on.” he answered.

“Why didn’t it feed off of me?” you question.

“It did, well in part. That is how it developed dreams that were relevant to the both of us. You just didn’t have much for it to feed on. Your clean. I pick my companions very carefully. Otherwise I am stuck in my own company and you know how that works out.” he explained.

“You don’t actually believe the things he said, do you?” you asked hesitantly.

He looked away closing his eyes he would not have this conversation. Not now, and not with you. He couldn’t risk losing you, if you found out the truth.

“So where to now?” he asked pepping back up and trying to change the subject.

“Doctor come here” you said as lead him away from the console room and down the halls of the TARDIS. You took him inside your room and had him sit on your bed. You sat in your desk chair blocking the door.

“Y/n, what is this all about?” he asked with a smile on his face.

“I am going to say something and you are going to listen even if it is hard to hear. Especially if it is hard for you to hear. Because you need to hear it, and I need to say it” you explain. He simply nodded.

“I am sorry Doctor. You have so much sadness, anger, and guilt that you carry around with you all of the time. You have decided to take the entire universe and put it on your shoulders, taking every loss personally. You have went through so much, and you do it alone because you don’t think that you deserve to be loved after what you have done-” your started.

“Y/n, you really don’t have to do this” he tried already struggling to keep up his facade.

“I do. Because you deserve to know that it is okay to forgive yourself. What you did on Gallifrey. It was horrible- you were forced to make an impossible choice. A choice that no one should ever had to make. But you did it. You lost everything in order to save the universe.” you continued though the Doctor was now crying.

“There is nothing I will ever be able to say to make that pain go away. I can’t to pretend to understand the things you have lost. The darkness that you have spent so long running from. I would trade anything in the world to save you from carrying that. What I can do is tell you that you don’t have to keep acting like everything is okay all the time. I am here for you. The entire universe is here for you. You are loved so deeply by so many. You don’t have to tell us your story, we won’t pry. But if you ever need someone to talk to we are here for you. You matter Doctor. Everything you do matters. You have made the universe a better place just by being a part of it.” you said trying to steady your voice as you watch the strongest man you have ever met break down in front of you.

You walk over and pull him into your arms. “You are extraordinary. You have been through so much, but you let it make you kind. I am so proud of you and everything you are. It has been a true privilege just to know you. So hear me now. I need you to know that you never have to face it alone. It doesn’t matter whether it’s me or someone else. You will always have someone. You just have to ask”

There was more you could say, so much more. And what you said was not enough, it would never be enough. But it was a start and he needed to hear it. Your trip through his mind today had proven that. For now, you just sat there and held him, hoping that something you had said had helped even a little. He deserved the absolute best this world had to offer. He deserved to be happy. You just had to find a way to get him to start to forgive himself.