#also gwi texts tae like Hey u cant call me gwi if ur not a girl remember

[katrinawritesthings]

Jinki/Tae; Week Two (Part 1/3); PG

aka the moving day epilogue that somehow turned into three parts

aaka window shopping and gender problems and self-esteem issues ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

so tw for gender problems and also some mentions of past abuse

Key curls themself possessively around Taeyeon the second they walk into the hair salon and almost everyone starts clamoring to meet the babe they’ve heard so much about. After ten minutes Jinki is sent into the Hot Topic bathroom to check on them only to find Jonghyun pressing Taeyeon up against the wall and marking a new hickey into her neck. They all find Choi gently rubbing her shoulders through a panic attack in the caramel aisle of the chocolate store. Jinki finds his elbow being latched onto with small hands when her two datefriends start their usual bickering over which tacky knick-knacks to add to their collection this time.

Moving Day: 1-2-3-4

Week Two: 1-2-3

Extra Baggage: 1

“Mmmmm. Jinki.”

“Yes?”

“Are they here yet?”

“No.”

“Mmmmgh. What about now?”

“No.”

“Now?”

“Nope.”

“How about--”

“Jonghyun.”

“What?” Jonghyun hisses, slapping his hands down aggressively on the picnic table. Jinki cocks a brow at him from the other side.

“Chill,” he says, and Jonghyun huffs. It turns into a sigh, and then a groan, and then a tiny whine as Jonghyun deflates and rests his head on his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I’m just. Nervous.”

“I know, pup,” Jinki says, reaching over to pet Jonghyun’s head genty. “They’ll be here soon.” The only reason the others aren’t here yet is because Jonghyun made Jinki leave early this morning. They got to The Midpoint twenty minutes before they usually do, which is ten minutes before Choi and Key usually do. Jinki told him this would happen, and yet here they are anyway, Jonghyun twitchy and anxious for the first sign of the other three. Or, more specifically, for the first sign of Taeyeon. The other two he’s used to seeing more than once every who knows how long.

“It would help if you would, like, actually face the parking lot,” Jinki says, gesturing behind Jonghyun at the little group of cars on the other side of the big fountain. That’s where they all usually park before they eat and then walk around the outdoor mall every weekend. Jonghyun shakes his head and whines again.

“I’d be up every five seconds thinking I’d seen them,” he says. Jinki snorts. That is true. He continues petting Jonghyun’s hair, ruffling by his ears, running his fingers lightly over the floof that’s grown out from his undercut since the last time he got a trim. He would suggest getting another, but he knows that Jonghyun loves playing with it when it’s at this length the most. Next week he’ll offer to fix it up for him. For now he just watches the parking lot for Jonghyun, answering his less frequent but still often inquiries as to whether or not the other three are here yet.

It’s during one of those questions that a little leaf flutters down from a tree and falls into Jonghyun’s hair. Jinki looks down to pluck it out gently, humming a tired “no” to Jonghyun’s pouty voice. He flicks the leaf away and looks up again just in time to see Choi’s blue little prius pulling into a parking space.

Huh.

Key gets out from the back first, then Choi, and then Taeyeon, bright and bouncy in her dark clothes and looking around the place with wonder. Jinki smiles. She’s looking so much better from last week. He catches Choi and Key playing rock-paper-scissors for the job of carrying the sodas like usual; Key wins, like usual. They link their arm with Taeyeon and leave Choi there with a smug little smirk. Jinki lifts his arm to wave, laughing softly at the enthusiasm of Taeyeon’s return wave, and that’s when Jonghyun asks again.

“Are they here yet?” he says, voice small and muffled into his elbow. Jinki chooses not to reply as the other two get closer. He just lifts his free finger to his lips to let Key and Taeyeon know to be quiet when they approach. At his silence, Jonghyun wiggles. “Jinki?” he asks, and then raises his head with a little frown. “Are they--?” he frowns more and turns, just in time for Taeyeon to come to a stop right behind him. He pauses, looks up, and then shrieks.

“You’re here!” he exclaims, banging his knee three whole times trying to get off of the bench seat. He doesn’t even acknowledge it as he finally stands and throws his arms around Taeyeon’s neck. “You’re here, you’re here, you’re here, my lovely and wonderful little cantaloupe, mmmm.” He bounces in her arms and nuzzles her neck. She smiles, giddy and amused and so wide it threatens to break open her face, arms falling loosely around Jonghyun’s waist.

“I’m here,” she says, nuzzling the side of Jonghyun’s head.

“You’re here,” Jonghyun repeats in a whisper. He presses even closer with the happiest little noise. Taeyeon presses a kiss to his hair, turns her smile to Jinki and nods a greeting.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hey,” Jinki grins back. He says it again to Key, who waves back lazily. There’s a little sniffle from Taeyeon’s neck; Jinki rolls his eyes. Of course the little dingle is all emotional about it. Taeyeon laughs and leans back a fraction.

“Jonghyun,” she says incredulously, putting a finger under his chin. Jonghyun just leans up and kisses her in reply.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers. Jinki shakes his head fondly. Five more weeks like this, at least, if he’s following the same path he did with Choi. When Jonghyun pulls back from Taeyeon, he wipes his eyes and looks blearily around. “Gwi,” he mumbles, and shuffles over to hug them too. “I missed you too,” he squeaks, nuzzling them all over. Key pushes some of Jonghyun’s hair out of their face.

“Okay. Alright. You’re so strong for someone so small, holy shit,” they say, ruffling Jonghyun’s hair but also putting a hand on his wrist. “I missed you too, you fucking walnut.” Jonghyun squeezes them even tighter for a second before letting go.

“Sor--ooooohhhh,” he breathes. His apology is cut off midway by Choi strolling up, six pack of sodas in one hand and phone in the other. Jonghyun drifts to them, getting to his tiptoes to wrap around their neck instead. “Minho, my space, my love,” he sighs. “You’re so tall and good.” He trails off with more little compliments mumbled into Choi’s neck. Choi blinks at the sudden affection, but wraps an arm around Jonghyun’s waist anyway. They lean down to press a soft kiss to his cheek, then whisper something that Jinki can’t catch into his ear. Whatever it is, it has Jonghyun humming long again and burying his pink face in their chest.

“Oh my god,” he whispers. Choi smirks and pushes him gently to sit back down. They sit on his right, Taeyeon sinking down on his left. Jonghyun immediately wraps his arms around her waist and nuzzles her shoulder, smile as big as his face. “You’re here,” he whispers again. Jinki snorts as he reaches for one of the orange sodas that Choi brought over. Key does as well, and takes a seat next to Jinki like usual.

“I never thought he could get even more mushy,” they say, nudging his side. Jinki snorts again in agreement. It’s cute, though.

“Is he like this every week?” Taeyeon asks, swirling her fingers through the floof at the back of Jonghyun’s head. She looks exasperated already, like she can’t believe her boyfriend is so emotional about this. Jinki can absolutely believe it.

“You get used to it,” Key shrugs. Jinki nods. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

“Imagine living with him full time,” he says, and grins when Jonghyun looks up to shoot him a little glare.

“Living with me is a delight,” he grumbles. Jinki reaches over to boop his nose.

“It is,” he agrees. An emotional, weepy delight. “Real talk, though,” he says, “he’s not really always. He’s just happy to see you.”

“Soooo happy,” Jonghyun sighs. Taeyeon sighs back in a fond way and lets her arm fall around his waist. One of Jonghyun’s hands reaches behind him to pap around for Choi’s hand, which he finds and holds tightly as well. “You too, Minjunggie,” he hums. Between two of his babes, he looks like the happiest clam in the world. It makes Jinki smile to see.

“Food?” Taeyeon asks then, one little hand creeping towards the picnic basket Jinki and Jonghyun brought. Jinki nods. He tugs it over and opens it up.

“Peanut butter cracker sandwiches and oranges and parfaits,” he says, taking each little bundle out. He and Jonghyun spent a lot of time on those parfaits and they need to be appreciated. Taeyeon swipes an orange greedily before anyone else can reach for anything and wiggles her thumbnail into the peel to get it off. Jinki watches her with interest as he pulls a few cracker sandwiches closer himself.

“So how was your first week of freedom?” he asks, wiggling his fingers for emphasis. “You doing okay?” She’s been texting him on and off all week, filling his phone with sparkly emojis and memes at two in the morning, but he wants details straight from her mouth. Jonghyun nuzzles her as well, nodding in agreement with Jinki’s question. The smile that she gives both of them is positively radiant.

“Every passing second only brings me closer to the dark void of my parents discovering me and I’ve had nightmares every night this week and if I’m left alone with my thoughts for more than five minutes I start having a panic attack and I am never no less than one vaguely familiar face in a crowd away from a breakdown at any given time,” she says. “But besides all of that, I’m fucking fantastic.” Her eyes sparkle with light and wonder even as Jonghyun makes a worried noise and rubs at her chest.

“I wanted an afternoon snack the other day and I just… got up and got one and no one judged me,” she says. “Two days ago I told Choi I didn’t want to be around people and they left me alone?” She runs her fingers through her hair in disbelief. “I dropped a piece of popcorn on the floor one time and Gwiboonie didn’t even? Say anything?”

“Not true,” Key says. A tiny smile is tugging up their lips. “I called you cute and touched your butt when you bent over to pick it up.”

“Yeah, but,” Taeyeon says, a soft laugh falling from her lips. “You didn’t, like, scoff at me, or mutter under your breath about how incompetent I am, or sigh really passive-aggressively for the next hour, or… anything normal.”

“That’s not….” Jinki says slowly. That’s not normal behavior at all. But, he knows that Taeyeon knows that. It’s just what was normal for her. He covers himself with a smile before he’s silent for so long that it’s noticed. “That’s not a bad first week,” he grins. Taeyeon nods brightly, cheeks all round and eyes little crescents. Adorable.

“And today,” she says, “Choi says they’re gonna get me a new laptop so I don’t have to keep sharing Gwiboonie’s.” She looks positively giddy as she eats her first slice of orange. Jinki gasps softly. Nice. She needs that privacy to be her own. And this means that Jinki will have an excuse to watch all of the cool little marble slide machines in the electronics store while they’re looking. Extra nice.

The rest of their picnic brunch is nice as well, full of talks and giggles and catching up. Even with Taeyeon’s new presence it feels just as familiar as usual. She fits right in next to Jonghyun, across from Key, an easy lean’s distance from Choi, and an arm’s reach away from giving Jinki a high five for every shitty pun they come up with together. Her laughter is breathy and her additions thoughtful and Jinki has no problem seeing her become a regular fixture in their group.

When they finish their meal, Jinki takes the picnic stuff to his car and then strolls back to their table. The other four are all fixing themselves up to start their usual walk up and down the street, slipping in and out of shops, grabbing snacks, spending time with each other. Jonghyun is pressed firmly against Taeyeon’s side with Choi’s arm around his waist; Jinki shares an amused look with Key. Neither of them are getting their cute datefriends today. He finds it hard to be disappointed at the loss of one day out of a whole week and just stuffs his hands into his pockets, rocking back and forth on his toes.

“Where to first?” he asks. He waits for Jonghyun and Choi to start disagreeing and prepares himself to be the conflict solver like usual since Key can’t make a choice to save their ass; what happens instead is Taeyeon lifts her free hand to rub her ear.

“I wanna get my ears pierced,” she says thoughtfully. Key gasps dramatically; Jonghyun’s eyes grow wide and excited. Taeyeon glances between both of them with a sheepish little smile. “Like, I think,” she says quietly. “One, two… maybe three.” She pokes her lobe, then a little further up, and then in the upper conch of her ear. At that one, Jonghyun hisses.

“I don’t know,” he mumbles. “That’s more complicated than a helix and I took my helix out after a while because it was too much trouble.” He rubs the top of his ear worriedly. Jinki nods. He remembers that, the whining, the soreness, the even less sleep. It wasn’t worth the cute spheres of color in the tops of his ears. Key scoffs, though, and shakes their head.

“A helix isn’t a conch,” they say. “Mine really wasn’t that bad, Tae. It was really fun while I had it.” While they had it. That was years ago, if Jinki is remembering correctly. Before they even knew Taeyeon. The little pink unicorns in their ears were cute, yeah, but Jinki can’t even see the little hole scars anymore.

“Yeah, why don’t you still have it then?” Jonghyun snoots, like he was having the same thoughts as Jinki. Key huffs again.

“Because my style changed and I got the forward helix instead,” they say defensively. Jinki snorts at their tone. That’s totally shady.

“Okay, well,” Jinki says before Jonghyun can snoot back. “She can get the lobe piercings first and then think more about the conch until next week.” Funny how even with a clear destination he’s still the conflict guy. He likes it. It’s familiar. “Right, Taeyeon?” he asks, nudging her side for help. She glances at him, glances between the other two, and grins, amused.

“Yeah,” she agrees. “I wanted to see how I felt about the two lobes before I got another one anyway.” She lets her arm fall back around Jonghyun’s shoulders and ruffles the very top of his head to soothe his grumpy comment before it even comes out of his mouth. Jinki can visibly see him relax and raises a brow at Choi, who’s smiling a smug little grin themself. Of course they taught her that trick immediately.

“Good idea,” Key agrees with a shrug. After a moment of an unsure hum, Jonghyun shrugs as well.

“Yeah,” he concedes. “So, either way. To Amber’s!” He points down the sidewalk as dramatically as his voice and starts a march, tugging Taeyeon with him and trying to tug Choi; Choi stays rooted and grabs his sleeve collar. Jonghyun stops and turns with a little frown. “What?” he asks. Choi just points behind them with their thumb, towards the opposite end of the mall.

“Wrong way,” Jinki hums, Key smothering a snort into the back of their hand. Jonghyun kind of just stands there for a moment, squinting down the road, glancing behind him, catching all of their amused eyes and quickly looking away. Then he takes a brave breath and immediately starts marching the right way.

“To Amber’s!” he says again, with even more bravado this time. Taeyeon’s loud laughter leads their group down the sidewalk.

At Amber’s, Jonghyun pulls the door open and flounces into the parlor, swinging Taeyeon’s hand up high.

“Hello, we are here,” he sings, twirling himself into Taeyeon’s chest and wrapping her arms around him with fluttery eyelashes. Jinki shakes his head fondly as he holds the door open for the other two. He’s so dramatic. Taeyeon giggles into his hair, though, and squeezes him closer. At one of the chairs, Luna looks up from inking a design into someone’s forearm; she smiles bright and waves a greeting at them before turning back to her work. Behind the counter, Amber lets out a short bark of laughter.

“Another one?” they ask, propping their chin in their hand and looking Taeyeon up and down. Taeyeon looks away shyly but Jonghyun nods eagerly, tugging her up to the desk and nuzzling her shoulder.

“My sweet and lovely and marvelous little sugar plum,” he beams. “Taeyeonnie. The cutest girlfriend in the world.” He bounces on his toes and presses a little kiss to the pink of Taeyeon’s cheek while Taeyeon hisses an embarrassed “oh my fucking god” into her hand. Amber snorts, reaching over to muss up Jonghyun’s hair.

“Obviously that’s a lie,” they say. “When the cutest girlfriend in the world is actually over there.” They point with their thumb at Luna, who takes a second between switching ink colors to throw Amber a thankful wink. Jonghyun huffs, turning up his nose in mock offense. Key slips behind Taeyeon and rests their chin on her shoulder with a smug little smile.

“She’s mine too,” they hum, wrapping their arm around her waist. Taeyeon looks warmed by their quiet affection, her hand coming to cover theirs on her stomach. Amber shakes their head fondly.

“Well, is she just here to meet me or did you actually want something?” they ask, cocking a brow when they speak directly to Taeyeon. Taeyeon starts, blinks, smooths away a flustered grin with the back of her hand.

“I, uh,” she says. “I wanna get my ears pierced.” She taps the two spots on her right lobe to demonstrate. “Here and here.”

“And only there, for now,” Jinki adds before any bickering starts up again. He comes up to rest his chin on Jonghyun’s head with a lazy smile that Amber grins back at. He knows that they know how these two can get about their tiny disagreements.

“Okay, well,” they say. “Take her to pick out which starter rings she wants, and I’ll get a chair ready. Regular price but I’ll knock off five bucks because she’s cute.” They give Taeyeon a quick wink that has her suddenly smiling with much more confidence even as Key huffs and tugs her closer possessively. Jinki turns to find the wall of simple ear jewelry, joining Choi in their search for cute colors.

Fifteen minutes and some of the usual gossip later, they all step out of the parlor and back into the sidewalk. Taeyeon actually has six new piercings: three in each lobe, all letters, all black with silver outlines. Two Js, two Ks, and two Cs. Every time Jinki sees the letter he shares with Jonghyun he has to fight to keep his smile from getting too big for his face.

They go to the scarf shop next. They go to the sock store, the baking store, the sweet factory, the tacky tourist knick-knack shop; they pull Taeyeon into every building and show her every little thing that they’ve picked up on over the years they’ve spent together here. They take her everywhere and she soaks it all up, eager to learn everything she’s been missing out on for so long.

Choi beckons her to the back of the third shelf of the baking store to show her the rows of flower cookie cutters, the leaf-themed measuring set, the entire section of cute plant things. Jinki shows her his favorite little hidey spot in the back of the half-price bookstore where they can smush themselves into piles of beanbag chairs and read in comfort. Key stays firmly rooted on the ground but guides her up the sprawling treehouses in the middle plaza just to take far too many pics on their phone. Jonghyun tugs her all around the grunge clothes shop and picks out a whole outfit from everything that he’s been dying to see her in for years.

Key curls themself possessively around Taeyeon the second they walk into the hair salon and almost everyone starts clamoring to meet the babe they’ve heard so much about. After ten minutes Jinki is sent into the Hot Topic bathroom to check on them only to find Jonghyun pressing Taeyeon up against the wall and marking a new hickey into her neck. They all find Choi gently rubbing her shoulders through a panic attack in the caramel aisle of the chocolate store. Jinki finds his elbow being latched onto with small hands when her two datefriends start their usual bickering over which tacky knick-knacks to add to their collection this time.

It’s all of these little things, little moments, quick interactions, that pull Taeyeon closer to them. The plan for today, besides hanging out and window shopping like usual, was to make Taeyeon feel as included into their group as humanly possible. Jinki thinks they’ve done that and more. Right now, as they’re walking over the cobbled street, Taeyeon closes her eyes and leans her head on Key’s shoulder, smiling softly at the sun as she lets them lead her. Right now Jinki thinks she feels more welcome and more cared for and more loved than she ever has before. He’s proud.

“Tired?” Key asks softly, the fondest smile on their lips as they brush a strand of Taeyeon’s hair out of her face. Taeyeon hums, nuzzling Key’s shoulder. They walk under the shadow of a small tree and she blinks her eyes open to smile at it.

“Hungry,” she murmurs.

“Adorable,” Jonghyun pouts, taking her hand and bringing it back to kiss her fingers. She laughs softly and runs her fingers through his hair, then leans back even further to look at Jinki and Choi.

“Hi,” she smiles, poking Jinki gently and wiggling her finger at Choi. Jinki grins, poking her finger back.

“Hey,” he says. Choi reaches over and boops her nose. She giggles, turning back to nuzzle Key.

“Hungry, Gwiboonie,” she says again. Key pets her hair and points a few stores up the sidewalk in the direction they’re already walking on.

“Lunch is just up there,” they say. The other three nod. It’s been a few hours and it’s getting close to their usual lunchtime anyway. Jinki’s stomach is getting kind of rumbly. “Oh, but,” Key says, more loud than the gentle murmur voice they’ve been using. They slow but don’t stop, easing themself out of Taeyeon’s hold and looking shifty. “Lunch is, um,” they say. “We split up for lunch.” They look between the other three for help explaining; Jinki nods, remembering the little detail suddenly.

“You’re gonna have lunch with just me and Choi, Taeyeon,” he says putting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently. Choi puts their hand on her other shoulder invitingly as well. Taeyeon looks conflicted; pleased at the thought of lunch with the two of them but confused as to why she can’t eat with her babes too.

“Why, um,” she says slowly. “Why?”

“It’s just a thing Gwi and I need,” Jonghyun says, curling his arm around Jinki’s elbow. “Just, the two of us, us time. To talk about shit alone. You know?” Jinki nods, glancing at Choi as he does so. It’s their alone time as well, though for them it’s usually spent chilling in silence in the music store. It’s still just as important as what Jonghyun and Key do together.

“I… oh,” Taeyeon says. “I mean. Okay.” She chews on her bottom lip for a second, then shakes her head and then nods firmly. “Yeah, I’m good,” she says. She waves off any concerns before they get voiced. “Makes sense.” She nods again, as if to reassure everyone that she’s good. Jonghyun smiles and takes her hand again to kiss. “Oh, but, um,” she says suddenly. This time it’s her that wiggles her hand away and looks shifty. “It’s… there, right?” she asks, pointing at the little coffee shop just ahead of them now.

“Mmhmm,” Jonghyun hums.

“Okay, well, then, before that,” Taeyeon says, and comes to a slow stop right at the edge of the building. “Um.” She looks around at all of them, swallows, shakes her head, and moves passed Key to lean up against the wall. “Um,” she says again. Jonghyun leans up next to her, Choi on her other side, both radiating calm. Jinki steps closer as well so he’s next to Key and not blocking people on the sidewalk.

“Take your time,” Choi signs. Taeyeon squints at their hands; they sign it again, slower this time, and she nods, understanding.

“Yeah, um. Um.” She runs her fingers through her hair and takes several deep breaths. Key takes her hand to hold and Jonghyun starts petting her hair instead. After another moment, she takes a deeper, more steady breath. “I don’t… think… she is working for me,” she mumbles. She looks up with nervous eyes. “Like… the pronouns, or, being called a girl.”

“Ooohhh, babe,” Key says gently. They cup Taeyeon’s face with their free hand and rub their thumb over Taeyeon’s cheekbone soothingly. “That’s okay, it’s nothing to feel guilty about.” They fix Taeyeon’s bangs and tuck a longer piece of hair away. “Do you want us to use ‘they,’ at least until we figure this out?” they ask. “Is ‘Taeyeon’ still okay for now?” Taeyeon swallows thickly.

“I think… yeah, okay,” they say. Jinki leans up against the wall beside Jonghyun.

“Is it because you’re not used to them?” Jonghyun asks. “Or because they just feel wrong?” He holds their hand in both of his, squeezing gently. “Because, when I first started using ‘he’ and everything, it took me a while to get used to it. And I thought I was faking, or, like, not trans enough, because I kept misgendering myself and accidentally deadnaming myself, and… yeah.” Jinki puts a comforting hand on his waist. He remembers that. It was a tougher time for Jonghyun more than anyone else. Taeyeon hums uncertainly, staring at the ground between everyone’s shoes.

“They feel wrong,” they say firmly. Then they look up with hesitant eyes. “But,” they say. “Yesterday, they felt so right.” They rub their cheeks with their free hand and a heavy sigh. Ahh. That kind of makes sense to Jinki.

“Didn't you say,” he starts, “you felt like you were genderfluid?” He’s not the fluid kind of nonbinary himself, but he feels like that’s one of the ways it can work.

“I mean,” Taeyeon says. “I’m not sure?” They sigh heavily and lean their head against Key’s shoulder. When they start mumbling to the ground Jinki shuffles forward more to hear better. “I don’t know, like, before it would always either be just. Varying degrees between ‘yeah, I guess I’m kind of a dude right now’ and ‘holy shit I am not a fucking dude at all.’ And I always just assumed that ‘not a boy’ meant ‘a girl’ because, I don’t know, twenty-three years of crushing cisnormativity and extremely limited face-to face gender experimentation? Or whatever. And I always wanted to feel, like, pretty and cute and she pronouns always sounded so nice in theory, so I figured I just floated between, like, demiboy and girl, but now, I don’t… know.

“Like… I still wanna be cute and pretty,” Taeyeon says. “And I definitely felt like a girl earlier. But now I don’t. I don’t wanna--I’m not a girl. Right now. And, like, yeah, I guess that makes sense that I’m fluid and I just… fluided away from that gender feel, but… Now I don’t know what I am.” That last part comes out as a distressed whine. Jonghyun coos a quiet noise into their hair, mumbles little sweet nothings meant to soothe rather than actually advise. Taeyeon groans quietly and leans back to rest their head against the wall. “I’m not a girl,” they mumble. “And I know she pronouns aren’t girl pronouns and all of that but. They still feel like it and they feel wrong. I can’t, like, make the disconnect in my brain. And I’ve been thinking, since the clothes shop, and, like. He pronouns don’t feel right either. Neither do they, really, and neither do, like, any that I can think of off of the top of my head.” They raise their hands to their head to grip and tug their hair lightly.

“All of it feels… just... wrong,” they whine. “She feels like I’m calling myself a girl. They, ve, it, xir, spivak, ne, no pronouns… all of these feel like. Like I’m saying that my gender right now is neutral, or agender, or, just, that it is something that I can define. Like, that’s what they’re linked to in my brain.” They rub their forehead with a sigh. “Every time I think of them I think of just. Screenshots of trans resource websites given to me on off-record chats to study in secret with lists of gender-neutral pronouns. But I’m not that. I’m not neutral. And I know that any pronouns can be used for any gender, but I can’t just stop feeling how they make me feel. I can’t unlearn that shit in a week. And it doesn’t even matter if none of them match what I feel if I don’t even know what I feel like in the first place.”

“I’m not making any sense,” they sigh after all of that. Their close their eyes, breathing slowly towards the sky. Choi squeezes their shoulder comfortingly.

“Yeah,” Jinki mumbles in agreement. He gets some of it, but not all, and there are technicalities and details and questions that he’s sure they don’t have the slightest idea how to explain. “But, uh,” he says quickly, when Key shoots him an incredulous little glare and he realizes he’s taken too long to follow up. “Look,” he says, dropping his chin onto Jonghyun’s shoulder. “You can’t even figure this shit out for yourself. You don’t need to explain it all to us.”

“Ye,” Jonghyun says, voice small. “We don’t need to understand to help.”

“It took me six years to figure my gender stuff out completely,” Choi signs after tapping Taeyeon’s shoulder for attention. Jinki nods. Good point. That was a whole long process and Jinki had only been there for a little more than half of it.

“Do you wanna sit here and brainstorm for a little bit?” Key asks gently. Taeyeon looks at all of them, gratitude in their eyes but defeat in their frown.

“I want… to not deal with this,” they mumble. “It’s too stressful, can I just.” They shake their head and rub their hands over their face. “Can I just say my gender is leaf for now?” they ask. “I wanna be a leaf. I wanna be cute and fluttery and smell nice and… not have to have an existential gender crisis on my first weekend out with my new family.” They move their hands to settle on their cheeks. “I can do that, right?” they ask hesitantly.

“Absolutely you can do that,” Key says firmly. They cover Taeyeon’s hands with theirs. “Your gender is whatever the fuck makes you feel comfortable.”

“Being a leaf makes me feel comfortable,” Taeyeon mumbles. “Leaf… leaf gender, no… no pronouns. Or--fuck, leaf pronouns. Or… petal? Hrm.” They wiggle Key’s hands off and play with their fingers, twisting and squeezing. “Petals are cute. Petal...self. Pet--petself? No, that’s. Mmm. Petal… something feels off.”

“Two syllables?” Jinki suggests. He knows Taeyeon was talking to themself there, but that’s what feels off to him. He’s used to one syllable pronouns and two syllables feel weird in his mouth without a little time to get used to them first. Taeyeon gasps, snaps dramatically, and points at him.

“That’s it,” they say. Then they pout. “Dang,” they say. Jinki exhales softly in amusement.

“So….” Choi signs, hand drifting into Taeyeon’s line of view. “None or leaf for you?” they ask.

“Did that mean leaf?” Taeyeon asks, watching Choi’s hands drop. “The sign for that is so cute, oh my god,” they whisper, eyes round. Choi pauses, then grins, even smugger than usual. “I wanna use leaf pronouns, yeah,” Taeyeon says, an actual smile finally starting to pull up leafs lips as leaf turns to the rest of them. Jonghyun hums, a happy noise, and presses a little kiss to leafs cheek.

“My beautiful and adorable little foliage basket,” he chirps. Taeyeon makes a soft noise and covers leafs face with a hand.

“Fuckie,” leaf whispers, clenching leafs hand tightly in front of leafself. “What was it you called me before?” leaf asks, lowering leafs hand to take Jonghyun’s and squeeze it. “Plum blossom? Peach blossom?”

“Sugar plum,” Jonghyun corrects.

“Oh,” Taeyeon says. Leaf puffs up leafs lips for a second. “Can you call me Peach Blossom anyway?” leaf asks. “Or, Peach. Like, as a name.” Leafs hand squeezes and lets go of Jonghyun’s several times, leafs other hand clenching on air at leafs side. “Taeyeon and Taemin and even just Tae feel too… like....” Leaf trails off with a puff of breath, a frustrated frown at the ground.

“Gendered?” Key offers.

“Yeah,” Taeyeon says, perking up. “I know they’re not, technically, but, like. They are.” Leaf mumbles that part awkwardly but everyone still nods. Knowing something and feeling it are two vastly different things that they all understand. “Peach blossoms, though,” Taeyeon says. “They’re really cute flowers. And not associated with gender in any way in my brain. And peaches taste so good.” Leaf kind of stares off into space as leaf says that, teeth digging into leafs bottom lip. Jinki shrugs.

“I don’t know,” he says. He could never bring himself to like them. “They have a weird texture on the inside.”

“Listen, if you bit into me I’m sure I would have a weird texture on the inside too,” Taeyeon says, reaching over to poke him with a cocked brow. Jinki snorts, letting it turn into surprised laughter against Jonghyun’s shirt. Holy shit.

“I mean, good point,” he says. That is a very true statement. “Peach Blossom it is.”

“Peach Blossom,” Jonghyun repeats, nuzzling the name into Peach’s neck.

“Peach Blossom,” Choi signs fondly. They all turn to look at Key; Key rolls their eyes but can’t hide a smile.

“I’m not saying it a fourth time in a row,” they say. “But, hey.” They fix Peach’s hair, straighten leafs collar, and smooth out leafs jacket. “You’re cute.”

“Oh.” Peach grins, smiles, beams, hides it behind leaf’s fist. “Thanks.” Leaf straightens up, looks around at everyone, and takes a deep, steadying breath. “I’m still hungry,” they announce.

There’s a short pause; then Jinki snorts very unattractively and giggles into Jonghyun’s shoulder. Choi chuckles as well, a blessing of a sound, and Key shakes their head fondly. Jonghyun clings to Peach’s arm and nuzzles a little smile into leafs neck.

“Okay then,” he says. “Lunchtime.” He slips a hand up to the back of Peach’s head to tug leaf into a slow kiss, and then another, and then two more before Jinki rolls his eyes and pulls him away before they just start making out in the middle of the sidewalk. He saw Peach’s hand creeping down to touch the butt. Jonghyun blushes but licks his lips and keeps his hand linked with Peach’s. “Um,” he says, feeling around with his other hand for Key’s wrist. “See you in a bit?” His voice rises like he’s not sure how to do this thing that he’s never done before. Jinki pats his shoulder and moves so he can stand with Choi on Peach’s other side.

“Have a nice lunch,” he says. Choi nods and puts their hands on Peach’s shoulders pleasantly. Peach glances back at both of them, then at leafs two datefriends, and nods.

“Yeah, um,” leaf says. “Yeah.”

“Okay,” Key says, taking Jonghyun’s hand and wiggling his other away from Peach’s. “Bye babe, and other babes.” They wave at all three of them; Jinki waves back pleasantly.

“Goodbye, my three loves,” Jonghyun says, a pout on his lips as Key tugs him firmly into the coffee shop. Jinki watches them walk up to the counter through the glass, amused at how Jonghyun immediately clings to Key’s arm for comfort. He should have known the lunchtime split would have been emotional today.

“They’re so good,” Peach whispers. Jinki looks at leaf; Choi does as well, and they share a grin over leafs head.

“You’re good,” he says, and Choi boops leafs nose. Leaf smiles sheepishly and rubs leafs nose, turning to fully face the both of them. It hits Jinki suddenly that his last solo interaction with Peach was an awkward hug and some bumbling on his part. He’s more comfortable now than he was then, but he’s still thankful that Choi is going to be with them.

“So,” Peach says slowly, biting leafs lip. “If they have lunch in there, then where do we go?” Leaf gestures at the coffee shop with one hand and then around the rest of the mall with another. Jinki grins and takes leafs shoulders to gently face leaf across the street.

“We go there,” he says, pointing directly across. “And then there.” He points at the shop right next to the first. “Ice cream and then muffins.” He wiggles his eyebrows as Peach slowly inflates with a soft gasp, hands rising to squish leafs cheeks.

“Nice,” leaf whispers. Jinki grins and takes leafs arm to lead leaf towards the little crossing point. Choi scoots ahead of them, faces them, glances behind themself, and then continues to walk backwards with a wide smile.

“We’ll get your laptop after,” they sign. “And then we meet up with them at the arcade.”

“At the….” Peach says slowly, focusing on Choi’s hand as they finger spell the word out instead. “Arc… there’s an arcade?” Leaf hisses, whipping to Jinki for confirmation. Jinki nods and points back across the street and just a block down where the arcade is, doors open and colorful lights twinkling.

“Oh my god,” Peach breathes. “This is the best day of my life.” Leaf practically drags Jinki to the ice cream shop in leafs excitement but Jinki can’t find it in himself to mind. He’s just glad that he’s a part of this day.