#also fun fact: one of my great aunts also congratulated me today - she congratulates me every year on 13 October and nobody knows why 😂

[game-set-canet]

omg happy birthday! 💞💞💞🥳

oh, thank you...although: my birthday isn't today, but on saturday 🙈😄 my friends and i are just discussing today how we want to celebrate on monday (since i'll spend my birthday at home with my family) 😅 but thank you anyway, it means a lot to me already 💗💗

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Twenty-Eight

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: TW- Mention of past abuse. Smut.

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

Your day with Harry was nice. You got in and out of Walmart as soon as you could so you could get back home to love on each other. You lost track of how many times you made each other come. You weren’t sure what came over him, or what came over you really. Maybe you both were trying to get five days’ worth of pleasure in before your period came.

Right on cue, you got your period Monday morning. You were fully prepared, so no waking up to a crime scene or embarrassment. Your body felt tired from your day of being worked over repeatedly. Harry knew you were getting close to being ready for him. The fact you let him rub his tip against you, even if it was just your clit, made him so happy. He knew you wanted him badly.

You wore your hair down and wavy, and made sure to wear a scarf with your outfit. There was one love bite you had to put some makeup over to cover up, it was just too high up to cover. You felt like the makeup just made it more obvious, but your hair would cover the rest. If anything, you could just tell anyone who asked it was from your curling iron. A lame excuse, but a viable one.

When you walk out of the bathroom, you see Harry sitting up on his laptop. He was starting to edit the photos he took of your family.

“Can I get a peak?” You ask walking to him. He smiles at you and shows you his screen. “Oh, Harry they’re going to love these. I can’t believe these were taken in their living room.”

“Thanks babe. I’m excited to get these over to them.” He looks at the time on his computer and sighs. “I need to shower before I leave for work.” He gets up and stretches. “How’s aunt flow, she show up yet?”

“Yes.” You groan. He gives your lower stomach a little pat, and gives you a kiss on the cheek. “Will I see you tonight?” He raises an eyebrow at you, as if you’ve offended him.

“Course.”

“Well, I didn’t know. We barely saw each other last week.”

“I’m caught up on a lot, won’t be as busy, love.”

“Alright. Well, we didn’t go grocery shopping yesterday.” You blush.

“Don’t know how we could’ve forgotten.” He says facetiously.

“I’d like to go to the gym after work, and then I can stop quickly to pick something up.”

“I can go grocery shoppin’.”

“You’d have time?”

“Sure. S’not a big deal, I know what we both like to eat.” He yawns.

You give him a little hug and a quick kiss in appreciation.

“Have a good day.” He says, patting your bum as you leave.

“You too!”

//

Around ten in the morning, Niall comes bursting into your office and closes the door behind him.

“They’re makin’ me the director!” You stand up and run into his arms. “And, and they’re makin’ you the associate director!” You both jump up and down giddy while hugging. He lets go of you and furrows his brows. “How dare you keep a secret like that from me.”

“They told me not to tell you! You have to apply for your position.”

“I know, but I’m sure to get it. And you! Congratulations!”

“Same to you! Can you believe they’re going to pay for grad school?”

“This is seriously the best place to work. I’m over the moon. We need to find a night to celebrate.”

“Yes yes yes! Hmm, I’m not really free this weekend, it’s my uncle’s Hanukkah party.”

“Is that Saturday?”

“Mhm.”

“How about Friday night? We could just do somethin’ simple.”

“Why don’t we have like a movie night or something? Been ages since we did something like that. We could have wine and junk food.”

“Ooo, I like that idea. How about Friday night then?”

“That should work, I can check with Harry.” You two hug again. You let go of him when you feel like you’re getting kicked in the stomach. “Shit.” You clutch at your stomach and walk over to your desk, and open the drawer where you keep ibuprofen.

“You’ve got to be kiddin’ me.” He rolls his eyes.

“What? A girl can’t pop pills in her own office anymore?” He laughs.

“No, you and Sarah are on the same cycle.”

“Still? That’s funny.”

“Great, so Harry and I will be with two women who have their periods at the same time on Friday, wonderful.”

“Oh stop, should be done by then.”

“How about you and I go out for lunch today, as a little pre-celebration?”

“Love the way you think.”

//

You enjoy a good session at the gym. You did mostly weights standing up, and got on the treadmill for a quick run. You didn’t love working out on your period, but it helped with the cramps. It was starting to get really cold out, but you hated putting all of your warm clothes on after sweating. As you sat down to wipe your neck and chest with a small towel, you noticed a couple people looking at you. You had completely forgotten that with your hair up, and a loose tank top on, all of your love bites were visible. You tried to ignore it, but an older woman sat down next to you to change her shoes.

“You really shouldn’t let someone do that to you.” She says.

“Pardon?”

“Your neck.” She points to one of the marks. “I’ve seen you around here, I’ve seen you with those before, but never quite so dark.”

“Oh…Um, it was just from-“

“Those are not from a curling iron.” She scoffs. “My teenage daughter says the same thing to me. That looks borderline abusive honey.” You stand up, feeling a pit of rage come over you. This woman picked the wrong day to fuck with you.

“Excuse me, but my boyfriend is not abusive.” She stands up.

“Listen, if you don’t feel safe to speak up-“

“I’ve been abused before, so I think I would know the difference between someone intentionally trying to hurt me, and someone simply biting me.” You gather up all your things. “And I’ll have you know, I enjoy it, so why don’t you mind your own damn business. Worry about whoever your daughter is fucking, okay?”

You storm out of the gym, leaving the woman stunned. How dare a stranger come up to you like that, even if she meant well. You drove home, and couldn’t wait to change into some loose sweats, and see Harry. You smiled at the thought of him being in your apartment when you got there.

When you keyed in you smelled something delicious coming from the kitchen. You saw him at your stove, making some pasta and veggies.

“Hey babe.” You smile.

“Evenin’.” He smiles back. “Dinner’s just about ready.”

“How much I owe you for the groceries?” You ask, taking out your wallet. He scoffs. “Harry.”

“It wasn’t expensive, don’t worry about it.” You go to stand behind him and stick your hand in his back pocket, taking his wallet out. “Oi! What do you think you’re doin’?”

“I am putting some money in here.” You take forty dollars out of your wallet, and open his up.

“You don’t have to, and it wasn’t that much.”

“Harry, you are not…” Your voice trails off when you open his wallet. The picture of you Harry from your weekend away was in there. It was the one of you two laughing. “You had this made into a wallet size?” You look at him with loving eyes. His face was beat red.

“Um…yeah.” He runs a hand through his hair. You hand his wallet back to him, and he shoves it into his pocket.

“Do you have more? I’d like one for mine too.”

“I could print one for you, yeah.” He coughs. “Dinner’s just about ready.”

“I’m just gonna go change.”

You peel off your sweaty clothes, and run over your body with a hot wash cloth quick. Then you throw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Harry squints at your shirt when you come out.

“What?”

“Are you seriously wearing a Jonas Brothers concert shirt?” You look down at yourself. You didn’t really think about what you had put on.

“Well…yeah. I saw them this summer when they came around for their Happiness Begins tour. It was amazing, the girls and I went. I hadn’t seen them since 2010. They really put on a good show.” You shrug, and sit down at the table where your plate of food was waiting for you.

“You really have a variety of music taste, don’t you?” He chuckles, sitting down as well.

“I guess so. We mostly went for nostalgic purposes. I was living, it was so much fun to actually get drunk at a Jonas Brothers concert.” You take a bite of food. “Mm, so good Harry, thank you.”

“So which one is your favorite?”

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone has a favorite brother, which one’s yours?” You point to Joe Jonas, who is in the middle of the shirt. “Which one’s he?”

“Joe.” You swoon.

“Why’s he your favorite?”

“He’s just a really good front man.” You shrug. “I also think he has a better voice than Nick, I mean, it’s like butter. I saw his group DNCE live a couple years ago, and they were so good. He sounds better by himself.” You laugh. “But I’m glad they’re back together. It like, gave me hope in a weird way.”

“Hope?”

“Yeah, when I heard they got back together it was one of the first time I felt overjoyed about something. And they all just looked so happy. It was a great way to start off 2019.”

“Sarah, Rachel, and Kate…you didn’t know of them from high school right?”

“Nope. Only met in college.”

“Do you have any friends from high school you still talk to?”

“A couple here and there. I have one childhood best friend that it’s easy to pick up with when we get together. I had a very small group of friends in high school. I sort of jumped around from different friend groups too. I didn’t really find my people until I went to college. What about you?”

“Yeah, I’ve got some mates back home I’m still close with. Try to face time once in a while. I suppose that Lou and Niall are my best mates though.”

“Maybe after we get back from our trip we could find some time to go see Louis and Eleanor.” He gives you a half smile. “I can keep her preoccupied while the two of you catch up.” You giggle.

“She’s really not that bad, I just don’t like competin’ with people for attention.” Niall was right, Harry is a bit clingy. “But yeah, we could plan somethin’ for after we get back.”

//

Tuesday after work, you had your appointment with Dr. Mara. You had a lot to tell her.

“That’s wonderful news about your job!”

“Thanks, I’m so excited. I think I’ve narrowed it down to two different schools. If I can get this figured out soon, I could enroll for the spring semester.”

“How do you think your stress load will be? Adding something on like that?”

“Well, I’d really only be able to take one or two classes a semester. One school has these great eight week courses. I’m going to speak with my supervisor this week to see what she thinks.”

“What did Harry say when you told him?”

“He was over the moon! He said he was really proud of me, he even took me out to celebrate. He’s very supportive of my career.”

“That’s great. How long have you two been together now?”

“Four months now.” You smile. “It’s been amazing. Not all of it has been perfect, but nothing ever is. There’s so much that’s good between us.”

“Speaking of that, anything new with him you’d like to tell me?”

“Um…I had a trigger recently, a week or so ago.”

“I see, what happened?”

“I was…um…well…” You were used to talking to her about all of these things, but it always took you a minute to find the words. “I was pleasuring him, and my hair was up in this ponytail, and he, well, he yanked me by that hair and he did it a little too hard. And…”

“You saw Jake…” She frowns.

“Not so much that I saw him, but I had flashes to his hands pulling my hair harshly. I ended up biting down on Harry.”

“Did you tell him what happened?”

“Yes, he was very understanding. I was shaken up, but I was fine afterwards.”

“Anything happen since then?”

“No…I feel like I’m getting closer with him. I let him rub his tip against me.” You look away. “Only on my...well...you know, so not all over me, but it didn’t scare me.”

“That’s very good. Did he ask you to do this, or did you initiate?”

“I initiated. I’ve found myself wanting him more and more, but I’m still terrified. I mean, I didn’t even know him pulling my hair was going to trigger me like that. What if we’re doing it, and he jerks the wrong way, or hits too hard by accident?”

“You can think of these what ifs and keep scaring yourself, or you could do what you’ve been doing and just let things happen as they happen. You’ve made a tremendous amount of progress. The truth is, you may not know what’s going to set you off, but I think as long as you two talk it through together, you should be fine.”

“I just feel like talking the whole time takes the heat out of it. Is this okay? How does that feel? Doing alright?” You mimic his accent. “I love that he checks in with me, but I also don’t want him to feel like he’s going to hurt me.”

“Just tell him you’ll let him know if you don’t like something.”

“I do! But he still checks in with me, he gets this worried look on his face every time I make a sound he hasn’t heard before. I feel terrible. I’d rather he be more cautious and careful than not, but…” You sigh. She nods in understanding. “I think I just get frustrated because I just wish I could go back to the way I was before. When I’m with Harry, I feel that way, and then these things happen. And I know he’s frustrated too…”

“How can you tell?” You take the scarf away from around your neck. She gasps. “Christ, he isn’t hurting you is he?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. They look a lot worse than they feel.” You give a small laugh. “But I can tell he does it harder when he’s…trying not to show how frustrated he is. I think it’s a way for him to release some tension.”

“And you just let him do this? In such visible areas?”

“Well, I talked with him about it and he said he’d try to be more careful…he did say something interesting though.”

“Interesting how?”

“When we were talking about it, he said if he didn’t do it here.” You point to your neck. “Then how were other people supposed to know I had a boyfriend…”

“How did it make you feel when he said something like that to you?” Your cheeks heat up.

“Um…well, I sort of liked it. You don’t think it’s possessive do you?”

“Does he talk to you like that often?”

“Not really, once in a while he’ll say something sort of flirty in that context.”

“Hm.” She pauses, clearly thinking over what she’s going to say to you. “Have you and Harry ever discussed what you like or don’t like during sex?”

“I’m not sure I know what you’re getting at…”

“Kinks, has Harry ever talked to you about his kinks in the bedroom?”

“Not really…I mean the biting is definitely one of them.”

“That, the hair pulling.”

“He more so likes it when I pull his hair.”

“I think this is something you two should discuss. It seems he may be into some things…that may be a little more aggressive, which is fine, but you’ll sort of want to be prepared.”

“It’s not like he’s into BDSM Dr. Mara.”

“He could be. How do you know? You haven’t discussed it. He could easily be holding a lot back because he wants to make sure you’re alright.”

//

You drove home wrapping your head around everything Dr. Mara said. She could easily be right, all of the signs point to Harry being a little kinky…although you weren’t sure how to bring something like that up. You two usually just discovered what the other liked while you were doing it. But if you were going to have sex with him soon, you needed to know ahead of time what he might do to you.

Harry was watching TV when you walked in. He was wrapped in a blanket, laying down. He sat up when you came in. You walk over and kiss him on the cheek.

“Hi love. There’s some leftovers in the fridge.”

“Thanks, I’m not super hungry right now.” You yawn. You usually didn’t feel hungry after therapy. “Maybe later, but thanks for making something.”

“How was your session?” He asks, adjusting himself to lay his head in your lap. You run your hands through his soft hair.

“Good.”

“That’s it?” He looks up at you.

“She was, um, concerned about my neck.”

“Why?”

“I’m not sure really.” You didn’t like lying to him, but you didn’t really feel like having the conversation in that moment. “She just pointed it out, a couple people have actually.” Harry sits up to look at you.

“What people?”

“This random woman at the gym last night…she usually goes around the same time. She was like you shouldn’t let someone do that to you, and all this other shit.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He puts a hand on your thigh.

“I don’t know…because I don’t want you to stop doing it. I like it.” You groan. “Just wish they were better accepted in society. I mean, it really is just a way to show affection.” You look at him for a moment. “Does anyone ever say anything to you?”

“Not really…you don’t bite me as hard as I bite you. It’s already healed up.” He reaches his thumb up to run over one of the spots on your neck. “Guess I should take a break from this spot.”

“Why do you like to bite so hard?”

“Don’t know really, I don’t think I realize how hard I’m doin’ it.” He shrugs. You squint at him, not really believing that’s the whole truth.

“I think you do realize. I can tell, depending on how hot and heavy we’re going at it.” Harry was starting to sweat. “It’s okay if you have a reason, I’m not mad…curious mostly.”

“You really wanna know?”

“Please, enlighten me.”

“Turns me on when I see your skin turn that dark purple.” He says matter of factly.  

“Why?” You say blushing. He doesn’t answer at first. He runs a hand through his hair.

“I don’t know.”

“Harry.” You smile and put a hand on his knee.

“I really don’t! Just somethin’ I like doin’. Can’t really explain it.”

“Do you think it’s an, um, territory thing? You said the other day, like, how would everyone know I had a boyfriend.”

“I was just jokin’ when I said that. I’m not a possessive guy.”

“I don’t think possession and territory mean the same thing in this instance. Like, you’re marking your territory so everyone knows they can’t have me.”

“That doesn’t sound possessive to you?”

“No? It’s not like you’re controlling me. Like, I think if you were possessive, like, oh! Like, over the weekend, if you were possessive, you either would have told Rachel to leave, or you would have stayed to hang out with us, and wouldn’t have allowed me to see my friend.”

“So, you’re okay with me marking my territory?” You felt your pulse rising. Earlier, you weren’t sure how you felt about it. But now that you two were talking about it, it did sort of turn you on.

“Yes.” He leans forward to kiss you, but you press your hands against him. “But, we need to cool it with how visible these are for a couple weeks. We see my family Saturday, and then a week after that we head to England. I am not meeting your mother with a giant, purple hickey on my neck, I’m just not.”

“Okay, but you’re gonna have to let me do it somewhere else then.”

“As long as it’s somewhere discrete, that’s fine with me.”

Harry’s shit eating grin grew over his face. He scoops you up, and carries you to the bedroom. You giggle as he puts you down on the bed.

“Take your clothes off.” He stands and waits for you to undress. You suddenly remember your period.

“Babe, I have to leave my underwear on. In fact, let me just put some shorts on.” You throw on a pair of cotton shorts. “Aunt Flow’s here, remember?” He nods yes.

He walks around your half-naked body. “Hmmm.” You feel goosebumps raise all over you.

Harry wraps his arms around you from behind, holding you in place as he sucks on the top of your left shoulder. You shiver as his teeth slowly sink into you, sucking the skin into his mouth. He lets go of it, and you hear a pop come from his lips. He moves to the back of your right shoulder blade, and does the same exact thing, leaving a nice purple bruise behind. A loud groan escapes. One of his hands slides down to your stomach, and you feel his smile against you.

“Feels that good, huh?”

“You know it does.” You say blushing.

“So I can keep going then?”

“Yes.”

“Lay down on the bed.” He watches you get on the bed as he takes his shirt off. He smirks at you. “Ass up, please.” You blush and flip over.

He climbs on top of you, and leaves gentle kisses on your shoulders and neck. His kisses move down your back, and takes the skin on your lower back just above your ass cheek between his teeth. You gasp as he bites down hard and sucks on the skin.

“Doin’ okay?”

“Yes.”

His hands reach your hips, and flips you over. He gazes at your body, not sure where he should start first.

“What are you going to do to me, Harry?” You seemed so innocent in this moment, it was a massive turn on for him.

“Just gonna kiss ya all over, you okay with that?” He coos. You nod your head yes.

He kisses you on the lips, and runs his thumb over one of the marks that already exists on your neck. He kisses down to your chest. He takes the skin just above your best between your teeth and sucks hard. Your hands grasp at the sheets. You didn’t realize you loved the sensation quite so much. Maybe it was just because it was Harry doing it, and you knew he liked it.

He sucked on both of your nipples pretty hard, and worked his way down your stomach. He nipped at the skin just above your hips, paying equal attention to each one. He spreads your legs, and sinks his teeth into your inner left thigh. Your breath hitches when you hear the popping noise as he lets go.

Harry looks up at you, and scans over your body. He’s extremely happy with his work. You had nice purple splotches all over your body. His lips were swollen and a shade of raspberry.

“What do you think?” He asks. You lean up on your elbows and scan over yourself. “Your body was the perfect canvas for my art.” You giggle at his joke.

“Well…I have to say, looks pretty good on me.” You lick your lips. You wished you didn’t have your period, you wanted his mouth back on you so bad.

You give him a devious smile. He raises an eyebrow at you.

“What?”

[highkey-lowkey-as-hell]

if you want to write it, a meet the parents fic but it’s kateva and angst to hurt comfort because i like my heart broken -cotmlc

THANK YOU, CO-PRESIDENT, FOR RELIEVING MY HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, SOUL-CRUSHING BOREDOM

Also, seeing as this is angst, I’m switching the prompt up just a little. My headcanon is that Eva’s mom is the Best Mom and Kate’s parents are Trying (And Failing A Little But Overall Doing Their Best), so we’re getting Kate’s more-homophobic-grandparents instead for the Angst Factor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, yes, Kate was nervous.

Like, super nervous.

Eva had sworn up and down that she loved Kate no matter what, and while that did help her fear of losing her, she was still scared this afternoon was going to make Eva run away. Even if she didn’t, though, Kate was still expecting hell.

Her maternal grandparents were thoroughly convinced that Kate’s sarcastic, cynical, girls-and-flannel-loving personality was Just A Phase and she’d grow out of it and start wearing pink and giggling and liking guys any moment now. Obviously, that wasn’t happening. When she’d joined the cheer squad, they’d been so excited, Kate almost felt bad about disappointing them.

Almost. She didn’t actually feel bad about it.

Actually, her grandparents were one of the only things that told Kate her mom really and truly supported her sexuality. Sure, she was insecure about it, and had once asked her if she thought it was “just a phase,” but she always defended Kate whenever her grandparents asked if she was interested in anyone and she answered with “Bridget” or “Emily” or “Jennifer.”

Her mom’s mediocre support aside, Kate had been postponing this meeting for as long as she could. She and Eva had officially been together since February, and now it was July. She’d met Eva’s mother, uncle, and siblings, and Eva had met her parents and brothers. She knew for a fact that Eva had Chess’s letter tucked safely in a dresser drawer and that she reread it often. They even regularly said “I love you” now. And yet, her grandparents had only recently even learned Eva existed.

Just like always, Kate and her parents were hosting the Dalton family’s annual 4th of July party. Typically, Kate would be forced to greet everyone and then would run up to her room to read or play on her phone, or - before Derrick and Jack had left for college and gotten so distant - she and her brothers would be in the basement, playing video games Kate probably shouldn’t have been playing when she was ten. Today, though, was going to be a bit different.

Kate’s grandmother had recently joined Facebook without her knowledge, which proved to be problematic at the end of the year. Kate’s mom had made her usual post, congratulating Derrick on finishing his first year of grad school, Jack on his sophomore year of college, and Kate on her junior year of high school. The picture of Kate she had chosen to post was one Eva had posted to Instagram (and one she’d asked permission to use, which Kate and Eva both appreciated) (the caption was very sweet, irrelevant to this story, and was “GCHS cheer fucking sucks but at least I’ve got you, I love you so much”), which was a photo of the two of them after their last cheer competition. In the photo, Eva had her arm around Kate and was kissing her cheek, and it was very obvious that they were a couple.

Kate’s grandmother saw the photo.

Kate’s first reaction when her mom told her was to freeze and think fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck SHIT fuck fuck fuck - which she thought was a very logical first reaction. Her second reaction was freak the fuck out.

One thing had led to another, and now Eva had been invited to join the Dalton family Independence Day celebrations.

She showed up a little bit before everyone else, just because that’s how Eva was, and Kate dragged her down into the basement so she could rant about how scared she was.

“My cousins are just like Lily and they’ll love you and my aunts and uncles are great and Dad’s parents are pretty cool but Mom’s parents are going to hate you,” she ranted, pacing back and forth while Eva watched from the couch. “This might have been a really bad idea.”

“It’ll be fine, Katie,” Eva tried to sooth. “You’ve literally survived a stab wound, they can’t be much worse.”

“My grandparents meeting my girlfriend? Yeah, I think I’d rather get stabbed again.”

“I think you’re overreacting.”

“You won’t think that when they show up.” Kate stopped pacing and hugged herself, trying to calm her anxiety. “Promise you’ll stay?”

“I promise.” Eva stood up and hugged her, and Kate finally managed to breathe. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Kate wanted Eva to hold her like that for the rest of the day, but the doorbell rang and Jack shouted for them to come upstairs and it was time to face the music.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her paternal grandparents showed up first and, like Kate predicted, immediately adored Eva. They’d asked her at least four dozen questions before Kate’s aunt showed up a few minutes later, and as her relatives trickled in, Kate began to suspect that this was turning into less of a “family Independence Day!” party and more of a “Kate’s actually gay and has a girlfriend now, wow, time to overwhelm her” party. She’d made a deal with Jack and Derrick beforehand, having predicted what would happen, and invoked it now, leaving them to entertain their relatives while Kate pulled Eva into the backyard and onto the porch swing, where it would take several minutes for questions to reach them and they had an excuse to be as close as possible.

Kate was hoping her mom’s parents might not show up when her grandfather appeared in the doorway and her stomach sank into her beat-up shoes. He zeroed in on Kate and Eva right away and walked toward them, taking up way more space than he needed to like always.

“Kate, it’s been a while,” he boomed, and Kate winced.

“Hey, Grandpa,” she said, trying not to sound too sarcastic. “This is Eva.” Eva awkwardly waved, then put her hand down.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she said, and Kate felt really bad about dragging her into this.

“You must be Kate’s friend,” he nearly yelled (why the fuck did he have to be so loud?) and Kate nearly straight-up attacked him.

I’m basically in her lap right now! What the fuck do you mean, my “friend”?

Jack caught her eye from across the porch and gave her a sympathetic look before looking back at their elderly great-grandmother.

“Girlfriend, actually,” Kate corrected. “We’re dating. We’re a couple. Definitely not friends.”

“Right, of course.” Her grandfather winked at her, and she nearly screamed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day did not get much better.

When her grandmother came out, she was about as subtle as her husband had been about how she didn’t actually believe Kate and Eva were in love (maybe? In love felt a little bit strong, but it also seemed to be the best term for it and Kate didn’t have time to think of a better way to put it) and thought they were just good friends. Then, when she stood up to go and get her phone so she could show her aunt a picture of their cheer squad and Eva’s hand wasn’t covering her scar anymore, her aunt screamed and brought three people running, pinning all the attention on Kate in a really bad way.

After a few hours, Kate whispered something in Eva’s ear and stepped away, into the garage, trying to catch her breath and calm down. The door opened, and rather than being Eva or one of her brothers like she’d hoped, she opened her eyes to see her grandmother.

“I saw you leave and wanted to make sure you were okay, honey.”

“I’m fine, Grandma. Just needed a moment.” She clenched her teeth and prayed her grandmother would leave. She didn’t.

“Eva seems nice,” she continued.

“She is.” Kate almost started to hope that maybe, maybe, her grandmother would start to take her relationship seriously. “I’m lucky to have her.”

“You seem like really good friends.” Fuck, there it was.

“Okay, you know what? Knock it off!” Kate didn’t mean to blow up, but she couldn’t help it now. “It doesn’t matter how much you deny it, it’s not going to change the fact that I’m not the granddaughter you have in your head! I love Eva, okay? I love someone who’s name is Eva and not Evan. I love her and I’m a lesbian and I’m so tired of you not taking me and my relationships seriously like you do Jack and Derrick!” Then she stormed past her and up to her room, her eyes stinging with tears.

After about twenty minutes, there was a gentle knock on the door.

“Go away,” she mumbled.

“Katie?”

“Oh. You can come in.”

Eva opened the door and then closed it behind herself. “Are you okay? Your grandmother says you totally lost your shit at her.”

“I kinda did.”

“I’m not surprised.” Eva sat next to her, and Kate sat up and crawled into her arms. “They’ve been assholes to us all day.”

“I just really love you, Eva, and I want them to understand that.” Kate’s voice was muffled by Eva’s shirt. “I want them to take you seriously as my girlfriend and stop trying to deny it. I-I want them to accept that I’m not the perfect granddaughter they wanted. I’m not perfect.”

“And thank God. If you were perfect, how would I make fun of you for how atrocious you are at skateboarding? How would I keep you from fighting some people and watch you fight others?” Eva pulled her a little bit tighter and laid down, Kate still curled up in her arms. “I hate your grandparents, but I love you more.”

“Promise you’ll stay?”

“Promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone has that one relative who denies your sexuality, right? I’m not out to my family as lesbian, just as ace, and I still think they don’t quite get it. But hey, everyone’s got someone who has their back, right? I hope this was angsty enough!!!!!!

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Coffee dates and teacup rides

The Traveling Fika is here and I'm living the dream! Coffee, tea, pastries, and chilling out - living the ideal life. I've always wanted to see The Traveling Fika so imagine my joy when I heard that this year one of the stops isn't too far from the campsite.

There's a big traveling library, an assortment of coffee and tea stands where you learn about the food and drinks, a chill out tent, teacup rides, and fun games. The event will be here for a week before going off to their next stop so we'll have plenty of time to try everything out.

In the past few days I've been learning so much about tea and coffee and various pastries. Learning fun facts about each while enjoying them has been an experience and easily one of the biggest highlights of The Traveling Fika. Surrounding myself with book, coffee, and all things cozy and aesthetic - what more can I ask for?

There's something about coffee dates that brings people together, which is why I like hanging out at cafes. Daisy Jane and I have been going on little coffee outings, trying new stuff and scribbling in our notebooks. I've been trying to develop my art style after hitting a slump and so far these coffee dates have been helping out a lot. Meanwhile, Daisy Jane's hard at work making new products for her shop. It's fun, just the two of us hanging out and making art.

In an unexpected surprise, we ran into some old friends from home. They were only going to visit for a couple days to check out the Fika but since there's the camp, they might as well extend their vacation a bit. It's been forever since I've seen Neil as I haven't gotten a chance to talk to him or the others at Minnie and Emmaline's wedding.

As of a month ago, Neil and Bernard have tied the knot. They've been best friends for years, since Bernard's aunt was hired as a caretaker for Neil's sister Nettie. Hard to believe that Nettie's been living at home for about fifteen years now. Before that, she had been living in a home for mentally disabled people, a run down place that has long since shut down.

I was surprised to see Nettie tag along, even staying at the camp for two nights. She's come a long way since leaving the institution - I remember that she was barely able to speak or was even allowed outside the house. I'll admit that I was a bit scared of being around her, not fully understanding why someone not that much older than me will never grow up to be like everyone else. It wasn't easy for everyone to adjust to the change but in the end Ms. Song made the right call by bringing Nettie home.

Neil says that everything's been going well. Nettie's volunteering at a school for disabled kids in Lilac Villa and the kids really love her. Bee has been a great deal of help for Ms. Song as it's not easy being a parent and a caretaker so having someone care for Nettie is a huge weight off her shoulders. She and Bernard came to live with the Songs after Mr. Greene walked out and they've been a family since.

A while back when I was talking to my mom she mentioned that Mr. Greene had passed away. I didn't know him that well but he always came across as distant and strict. He was a good piano player though. Neil used to look up to him a lot, music being the main thing they bonded over. He was unable to adjust to living with Nettie, so he moved out. Neil had considered taking his offer to live with him but he couldn't see himself leaving his mom and Nettie.

For a few years they worked out an arrangement for Neil to visit his dad every other weekend. Later Nettie tagged along for a few hours and for the most part everything went all right. There was talk about whether or not his parents were going to reconcile - Neil was on the fence about it, not exactly sure how he felt about them getting back together. But all hopes of that went away when his dad lost his temper on Nettie over something trivial and then took it out on Neil when he came to her defense. After dropping off Neil and Nettie, he also handed over the divorce papers and that was the last time they ever saw him.

Interestingly, it was his death that gave Neil and Bernard the push to get married. Neil said that with his dad gone, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off everyone's shoulders. He and Nettie have come to accept that he was never coming back, though his departure hung over them for a long time. To his surprise, Nettie was handling the news remarkably well.

As we've learned over the years, Nettie is very perceptive. She's sensitive with a big heart, the way she sees the world never ceases to amaze me. Nettie is a lot more aware than we give her credit for, which can be a blessing and a curse. Neil and Bernard weren't sure how she would feel regarding what happened or even understand the concept of death, and yet she understood in her own way. As I've heard people say over the years, that sweet Nettie Song really is something.

Nettie's one of those people who really throw you in perspective. You like to think you don't hold any prejudices or preconceived notions towards a certain group of people, but the truth is, whether we like to admit it or not, we do. Growing up with someone like Nettie helped me understand that people like her are human beings. She's her own person, capable of her own opinions, dreams, and aspirations.

Now look at her, living out her best life. Nettie can't live independently but she can stay home alone for a couple hours as long as she has clear instructions and a set routine. She can also go out into town with friends and run simple errands.  I didn't get a chance to hang out with her at the wedding as she didn't stay too long but it was a nice surprise to see her there, talking with others and congratulating the happy couple. Daisy Jane and I had been meaning to visit her but on the day we decided to drop by, we had just missed her as she and Bee were at the school in Lilac Villa.

It's been nice running into Neil, Bernard, and Nettie. Bernard and Neil always wanted to go to The Traveling Fika while Nettie followed where they went. Since it's a pretty chill event we don't have to worry about Nettie getting overwhelmed or worn out. She's been enjoying the teacup rides, where you can sit back and relax to lo-fi beats or watch videos about fika. Sometimes Nettie would join me and Daisy Jane on a coffee date, making lovely collages with whatever she had on hand. She has this gift to turn any scrap of paper into an aesthetic piece of art, it's amazing to see what she comes up with!

Neil and Bernard are enjoying the married life, though not too much has changed. They're still living at home as they have no reason to move, at least for another couple of years. Bernard started grad school last fall so he's been super busy with his studies. He also volunteers at the school with Nettie once in a while. Meanwhile, Neil has been giving piano lessons at the community center, taking over from Elly after she retired last year. He says he's enjoying it, though he still feels a bit intimidated trying to fill in Elly's shoes.

Nettie stayed for a couple days and went back home with Bee this morning. She had a lot of fun at the campsite, exploring the scenery and chasing butterflies. Neil said it wasn't until a few years ago when Nettie was able to leave home for a couple days and be fine. I remember when Nettie would rarely leave the house - part of it due to stigma, another because up until then she had been isolated from the outside world. Nettie rarely talks about her time at the institution - in the few times she mentioned it, most of her memories are of the people telling her what she can't do, which upset her a lot as she became more aware that she was different.

Seeing the three of them having a good time together, it brings me such joy. Nettie led an impromptu arts and crafts session with a collage art challenge where you're given a blind bag with random bits and bobs - much like what she does at the school. It's fun seeing what everyone comes up with. Neil played some tunes on the piano while we sang along and he got inspired to write a couple songs. Bernard did some fishing and managed to catch a king salmon at the creek. At night we'd hang around the bonfire telling stories and enjoying the starry sky.

Today's been pretty chill - coffee dates, teacup rides, and camp activities. Neil and Bernard are enjoying an afternoon picnic near the mountains and plan to meet us at the Fika in a couple hours to watch a lecture on coffee, which looks super interesting. Then tomorrow we're gonna go for a hike in the forest trail and back to the Fika to drink more tea and coffee.

[lovetheplayers]

Taylor's interview with Ryan Seacrest on 102.7 KIIS FM (April 30, 2019)

Ryan: That is new music from Taylor Swift called ME! Brendon Urie there too on 102.7 KIIS fm. Just announced that Taylor will be at Wango Tango and look at the phone ringing. It’s Taylor Swift. Good morning, Taylor.

Taylor: Oh, hi. Good morning.

Ryan: How are you doing?

Taylor: I'm so good, and it's so good to talk to you. Yeah, the new song and video are out and it just feels really great to have such amazing feedback from the fans and have them combing through the video trying to figure out details.

Ryan: Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, you are like the brainteaser the teacher would give me in school. There’s all these, I mean, I know they call them Easter eggs but, like, it’s there’s almost too much for me to decipher, you know?

Taylor: Yeah. There's so, so, so many little clues in the video and some are clues that are immediately revealed to them and then there’s kind of different levels to the crypticness. Like, some of these—some of the symbolic references they’ll understand in, like, a couple months and then some they’ll get, like, when they really go through the album. Like, some are lyric references. I’s just the whole thing. But it’s really fun to put that stuff together because I’ve been doing stuff like this for like 15 years on my first album. I started off with capitalizing letters in my lyric book and then when people put together those letters it spells out a code. so they liked it, so I kept doing it.

Ryan: But just to understand the DNA here of your brain: so do you—you’re obviously very clever, but do you ever say, "Okay I’m gonna go obvious because they’re gonna think I’m being clever so I’ll go counter-intuitively backwards." Because I’m trying to figure out some things for this next album. I need to know the answer to that.

Taylor: Yeah, definitely. It takes a lot of planning and really, like, it's just basically a flex on planning. Like, this is how far ahead I planned this album. But it’s also just a way for it to become more of a—more of an experience rather than just.. I think that so often music can just be so ephemeral these days. Like, it comes out and we talk about it for, like, a second and then we move on to the next thing. And I think it’s fun for us to create an event and kind of put an experience back into just, you know, a song or a video. That’s what I’m trying to do is make it more more fun for them to talk about it and think about it. And they’re awesome about it, so I guess as long as they have fun with it I’ll keep doing it.

Ryan: So we’ve got Lover. You said awesome—you just said awesome, wait. Did you just—Tell me, does the title of the album rhyme with possum?

Taylor: I'm definitely going to tell them everything about the album in due time.

Ryan: Does it rhyme with saleidoscope? So you’re going to be opening the Billboard Awards which is very exciting.

Taylor: It's exciting. I've been in rehearsals all week. It’s really, really exciting. It’s also so much fun with this song because the song is so—it's just such a celebration and it's just so playful and mischievous, so that's been one of the most fun elements of creating the performance.

Ryan: Well the video has had, I mean, 65, 70 million views and our own Tanya was very excited to—I am not a good mover. I don’t know if you know that about me so I couldn’t partake in the dancing that she did. I think that you commented on it.

Taylor: Oh, yeah I commented on it. It was like the most adorable thing ever. That's like a really, really nice house you're in.

Tanya: I have to say I have listened to this song on repeat, literally, I think I’ve, and I’m not even exaggerating, a thousand times.

Taylor: Really?!

Tanya: Yes, Taylor. It is so fantastic. I feel like everything is right in the world again because we have new music from you and, like, I’m living through it and I just feel like I’ve been living through your music for so many years now and every single time you come out with something it, like, speaks to me at that moment and I’m just so grateful for ME! I just feel like it’s the perfect song for right now.

Taylor: Thank you so much for saying that. That means a lot. That’s so, so sweet of you to say. And literally, like, my heart just, like, starts beating so fast when people say things like that because I think the main purpose of this song—like, when I thought of this melody I was like, "Okay, this is one of those melodies that, like, we could do so much with this, and it’s so catchy that, like, what do we want to get stuck in people's heads?" And what I wanted was to make people happy about themselves because I think right now there’s just such—literally everyone is so—we’re all just so neurotic and insecure and and anxious about things, you know, and I think that we can, you know, I think there should be, like, a way for us to kind of, like, have a song stuck in our head that reinforces the fact that we're individuals. We’re different. And obviously there are a lot of songs about "I'm special", but I hadn’t heard one recently that was about "I’m special because it’s who I am", you know? There are examples where you can find someone being like, "I’m special because of how I look"; "I’m special because of what I can buy" or whatever, and there’s definitely a place for those songs, but I think there’s also a place for a song that’s like "No, it’s Who I am. it’s intrinsically my individuality that makes me a irreplaceable and not anything else." So thank you so much for saying that.

Ryan: You should know that Wango Tango—Taylor is going to be there. This is her first Wango Tango. She's done Jingle Ball but not Wango Tango. And there was there was a young student that lives in Iowa, Taylor, that called in to this show a few weeks ago and she just said that, like, she is trying to do her own show there for a college radio station and she listens to this show on a regular basis and she called in to say that and, you know, it was great. And then I said, "Well, if there’s one person that you and your town of—I think it’s Dubuque, Iowa—if there’s one person that you would want to ask a question to who would it be?" And she said your name and at the time I wasn’t sure if we’d talk to you—I was hoping we would. And I said, "If we ever get her on the line I’d love to patch you together to ask her one question." And she’s on the phone. Could I let her ask you something?

Taylor: Yeah, of course.

Ryan: Audrey?

Audrey: Hey, Ryan? How's it going? Hey, Taylor!

Taylor: Hey, Audrey!

Audrey: It's such an honor to talk to you! I don’t know if you remember me but I reached out to you when I was in high school when I did high school radio and you were busy playing on the Red Tour, which by the way was awesome. I’ve seen three of your concert tours. But yeah, It's been a crazy journey with my radio stuff. I’m a student at Loras College which is a small private school in Iowa and honestly right now it’s raining and you’re brightening up my day, seriously.

Taylor: Aw, congratulations on everything with your radio show. That’s awesome.

Audrey: So I have a question for you. I think a lot of people want to know it. What are you the most proud of in your career? Your career is—your lucky number, 13 years now and you’re about to put out another album. What is the one thing that just stands out to you that you're the most proud of?

Taylor: Oh, wow, that is—that’s a good question. That is such a good question. I think that—I think that what I’m proud of is having a consistent, really wonderful relationship with the fans who have put me here getting to do the job that I love because I think that reminding—you know I don’t ever have to be reminded. I’m reminded every single day; you guys are literally the only reason why I get to do something that I love so much and I think that a lot of the time people can lose sight of what got them where they are and I think that that’s something that every every day since I started doing this I made sure to, like, remind myself you never ever forget the people who got you here. So thank you for saying that.

Audrey: I will say that when I took my aunt and my mom to the first Chicago show of the Reputation Tour, the one thing that really stood out to the three of us, like, the minute we walked into Soldier Field was the engagement from your merch stand to the videos that you would see to the pre-show playlist. You had everything planned out.

Taylor: Thank you so much for noticing the planning! You have no idea how happy that makes me because, like, I really feel like we have the opportunity to create, like, a party. Like, when we plan it we try to plan every single element of a person’s day and so that just—like, that’s validation. Like, you have no idea. I really appreciate you saying it.

Audrey: I also will say when you played Our Song—I was sitting there sitting in the second across from the B-stage and when you said, "This is a song I wrote in ninth grade," I looked at my mom and I was, like, "Oh my god, this is the one song that I haven't heard yet."

Ryan: Audrey, you are the best. Thank you so much.

Taylor: You are the best.

Audrey: I also wanna ask Taylor. I'd love for you to listen to my show if you want to. I can definitely send the link to Ryan and I'll play any song you want. I was listening to your video blog from, like, over the years, and I was like, "I know a playlist for Taylor."

Ryan: I will make sure that we get her the link. Alright, Audrey?

Audrey: Okay, I love you Taylor. You're the best! Bye, Audrey.

Taylor: Good luck with everything.

Ryan: Oh, my god. That was just—that's what it's about, right? Isn't that what it's about?

Taylor: She's the best.

Ryan: Thank you so much for calling today. We will see you June 1st at Wango Tango, and we'll be following the puzzle, so.

Taylor: You guys better cater the whole day for them. You better pick a pre-show playlist and all that stuff.

Ryan: I know. You're making me feel complacent.

Taylor: Thanks for much for talking to me and for everything over the years. You've always been such a great friend and, yeah, I'll see you at Wango Tango. I'm really excited.

Ryan: We are too. You're the best, Taylor. Thank you again. See you soon.

Taylor: Thanks, guys, and thanks for the dance video.

[cottontail20]

The Domestic Life Of The Vision And His Witch, Chapter 16: Lost Boy

Summary:  At Tony's wedding reception, Wanda finds herself watching over Harley Keener.

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18461504/chapters/47522368

The assembled guests turned, almost as one, to watch Pepper Potts begin her journey down the aisle. She looked beautiful. The dress was elegant, but nothing too over the top, true to Pepper's nature. Wearing a beaming smile as she walked down the aisle towards Tony.

As she watched her, Wanda felt a sense of.. something there seemed to be a radiance around Pepper, an extra special glow. A familiar sort of glow.. Wanda was distracted from whatever she'd been thinking by Scott Lang, a couple of rows behind her, waving cheerily at her with a goofy grin plastered on his face. Hope, sitting beside him, rolled her eyes. Wanda just chuckled and waved back, grinning when Billy cooed and waved as well, a happy smile on his little face.

"Yes, dragul meu baiat" said Wanda quietly, "There's Uncle Scott and Auntie Hope!"

Hope's minor annoyance with Scott instantly melted away at the sight of Billy's smile, and she softly smiled back. Wanda grinned, then turned around to watch Pepper take her final few steps to meet Tony at the altar. Tony's earlier nerves seemed to have completely disappeared as Pepper reached him. He was completely besotted, the goofy smile of a man very much in love.

As the guests were welcomed and the Wedding ceremony began, Wanda found that, despite their somewhat complicated past, she was genuinely happily for Tony. The past was truly in the past now. There was no reason to cling to unpleasantness any longer. Misdirected hatred was a poison she could do without.

Tommy squirmed slightly in Vision's lap, but Billy nudged his brother, as if telling him to be good. At some point, Vision reached out to hold Wanda's hand. She turned to look at him, seeing him rather entranced with the the unfolding ceremony. Then he smiled shyly at her, and knowing his plans, Wanda's heart skipped a beat. It might not be too long before it was the two of them standing at the altar. Once again, Natasha cast a suspicious in their direction, and Wanda quickly looked away, just in time to see Tony and Pepper pronounced man and wife.

A cheer rose from the crowd as Tony kissed his bride. --

Soon, while Tony and Pepper were having pictures taken, all the guests headed to the large function room next door for the reception. It didn't take Wanda, Vision, and the other Avengers long to find their table. Aside from the fact that it was the very large one near the head table where Tony and Pepper were going to sit, it was also the only table with two high chairs.

However, actually working out who was sitting where took a little longer, as Tony had apparently had some fun with their place cards.

"Who the hell is Natalie Rushman?" asked Sam, confused.

"That would be me" Nat sighed. "And he's put me next to.. Legolas. Clint, you're over here."

"Uh.. we have a seat for a 'mysterious super glowy woman'?" said Bucky.

"I'm guessing that's me" Carol raised an eyebrow, "And I'm sitting with.. Which one of you is 'Point Break'?"

"Me.." Thor raised a hand, looking annoyed.

While the others slowly worked out where they were supposed to sit, Wanda and Vision settled the twins in the high chairs and took the seats beside them, labelled 'Little Witch' and 'Robo-Son'. As the other seats at the table filled, Wanda noticed one last empty one beside her, marked with Harley Keener's name. She looked up to see the sandy-haired teen looking rather lost and a little bit confused as he searched for his seat. Wanda checked that Vision was alright with the twins for a moment, then got up to fetch the poor lost boy.

"Harley" she called as she approached him, offering her hand and a warm smile. "You are over here with us again, Draga."

"Oh" Harley blushed, but took the hand Wanda offered. "Okay, thank you. I'm a little surprised, I wasn't really expecting to sit with the important people.."

"Tony put you there for a reason. You must be special to him."

"Maybe.."

Harley's shyness touched Wanda's heart, and she made it her mission to make him more comfortable. --

"So" she asked him a little while later, after the first courses had arrived, "How do you know Tony, Harley?"

"Oh, well, a few months after the battle of New York, he kind of crashed near my house" Harley began. "I helped him, and since then we write to each other a lot, and email, and he set up this mini lab for me to work on stuff.."

"Really?" Peter piped up. "That is so cool!"

"Yeah" Harley smiled. "The first thing I built was a high tech potato gun.."

Wanda smirked, quite satisfied with herself. --

A short while later, Harley switched seats with Sam so he could sit by Peter and show off some of the gadgets he had built. However, before Sam could take the now empty seat beside Wanda, Natasha beat him to it. Sam was a little confused, but shrugged, sitting beside Clint.

"Okay, you two" said Nat to Wanda and Vision, "Spill."

"Spill what?" Vision, halfway through feeding Billy, asked, confused.

"Just an observation.. is there something you need to tell us?"

"I don't think so.." Wanda frowned.

"Oh?" Nat raised an eyebrow. "No one's asked any big questions recently?"

"No" said Vision. "Well, not yet."

"Not yet?" The Black Widow's brow crinkled. "What do you mean by that?"

"Simplu" Wanda replied. "He means not yet. We've discussed it, but, not yet.." she glanced over to the head table. Rhodey was preparing to deliver his best man speech, while Pepper was sipping a glass of orange juice. "While we're all being observant, has anyone noticed that Pepper isn't drinking?"

"Huh.." Nat's attention immediately moved to the head table. "That's strange.." --

After Rhodey delivered his speech, Tony and Pepper took to the floor for their first dance as a married couple. Soon after, Natasha offered to watch the twins so Wanda and Vision could have a dance.

"You're getting good at this, Vizh" Wanda giggled, as Vision twirled her around the floor. "Have you been practicing?"

"Not recently" Vision grinned, "But I had a wonderful dance teacher. Beautiful, and talented."

"Ooh. Should I be jealous?" Wanda teased.

"I do not think you have to be."

"Good to know."

After a few more dances, the couple were beginning to think they should head back to Tommy and Billy, when Vision felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Mind if I cut in there for a second?" came Tony's voice.

"Oh.. uh, of course.." Vision stepped aside, a little confused.

"Give me a little dance, Vision?" Pepper offered him her hand.

"If you like, Miss.. Mrs. Potts."

As Vision and Pepper danced away, Tony took Wanda's hand and laid his other hand on her waist, beginning to move around the dance floor with her.

"Miss Maximoff, you are looking especially lovely Today."

"And you are looking quite handsome, Mr. Stark" Wanda raised an eyebrow, puzzled. "But why.."

"We're friends now, right?" asked Tony. "Can't a guy dance with his friend on his wedding day?"

"Well, yes. But.."

"I know, still a little weird, specially since we've been baby-stepping this thing so far."

"Yes. So.. Explain" Wanda prompted.

"I just wanted to thank you" Tony explained.

"Thank me for what?" Wanda frowned.

"Harley" said Tony. "I knew I'd probably be too busy to welcome him, so I needed someone who'd be nice but not overwhelm him too much. For some reason I thought of you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, and I knew he'd probably get along with Peter, but you know how teenagers are.. can't force it. So, I just had to sit Harley with someone I knew would look after him and just hope he and Peter hit it off on their own.. it seems like they have."

They glanced toward the table. It looked like Peter and Harley were exchanging numbers and social media profiles, although regularly cast suspicious glances at his Aunt May, dancing with Happy Hogan.

"I'm happy I could help" Wanda smiled. "Harley seems like a good kid."

"He is. Great kid actually. First kid that made me not so afraid of kids, which is especially important now that I'm going to.." Tony froze.

"Going to what?" Wanda smirked.

"Forget I said anything. Really. I'm not allowed to talk about that for.. eight more weeks, I think? Oh, Pepper's going to kill me.."

"Congratulations" Wanda chuckled. "And don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

Notes:

Translation:

dragul meu baiat: My sweet boy

Draga: Sweetheart.

[alleiradayne]

SPN MinnCon Day 3

You know what, I’m pulling the I-just-gave-birth-to-a-tiny-helpless-human card. That’s why I didn’t get back to this sooner. Also my mom and aunt were in town helping out a ton but it also kept me away from Tumblr most days.

So. MinnCon Day 3. This day was the day for me. I had been looking forward to the whole weekend for months. But truly, this day was something that I had been freaking out about for about two weeks for two reasons. 1.) Jared Photo Op. 2) Jared 30 Minute Meet and Greet.

I’ll preface this with the fact that I am a dyed-in-the-wool Jared/Sam stan. I cannot get enough of him and his smile and his sense of humor and his hair and his compassion and his empathy and his brain and his eyes. Okay, yeah, I love the 6′4″ mansuit he inhabits, too.

When you read this, you’re going to see a lot of Jared. A decent bit of Jensen, too (I took a lot of pictures of him). But I’ll be writing a lot more about Jared. Except for the meet and greets. Which... ugh, I wish I could tell you guys about his 30 minute meet and greet as well as his 10 minute for VIP. But I can’t. :(

Buckle up bitches, this shits long...

It was the first picture I took.

The day started out with the Gold Panel. If you haven’t seen it yet, my fellow VIP’er, Sue, gave Jared a thing of cupcakes when he called on her for a question and she didn’t have one ready. So she asked him if he wanted a cupcake. There’s rules about giving them food; I guess they’re not supposed to take it, but Jared was like, “Uh shit yeah I want a cupcake.”

He was only supposed to take one for each of them. But I don’t think he could hear her very well. So he took the whole thing. I was supposed to eat one of those fucking cupcakes.

And then:

CUPCAKEPOCALYPSE

It went on for several minutes. Jared dropped the cupcakes (THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO EAT) and made a giant mess. A creation staff person came out to help, a fan offered baby wipes, and Jensen had to help clean Jared’s face.

“Help a brother out, man.”

“You are beyond help.”

Brothers. I swear.

Questions were fun and it was during this panel that I could tell that the day would be distinctly different from previous con’s Sundays. We all know Jared is quite a bit more talkative than Jensen. But today, that would not be the case. Someone put a quarter in Jensen...

He’s so pretty.

Again, I’m not sure what someone said (I know I could go watch the video but, time) but Jensen busted out the imaginary popcorn.

And then there were more wonderful pictures of Jared.

See. Lots of Jared.

If you want to see ALL of the pictures I took (and edited) from the entire weekend:

GO HERE

The flicker album will be available until flickr decides to get rid of free accounts or whatever nonsense Yahoo wants to do with flickr.

After the gold panel I had Jared’s 30 minute meet and greet and his photo op. I was hoping that by waiting to post this, I’d have my .jpg from Chris, but I don’t.  The meet and greet was fantastic. There were 20 people in that session, and we drew numbers for seats. I got number 6 which ended up being right in the middle of the front row. I don’t know how I got so fucking lucky...

I got to ask my very weird question and got a very cogent and incredibly self-aware answer that kind of blew me away. And we even had time to sneak in my follow-up, which also resulted in another ridiculously self-aware response. And he remembered these questions because he later brought the topic up again at the 10 minute VIP.

Now the photo op. I’m pretty sure this interaction tops the entire weekend (just sneaking past his autograph and getting a smooch from Rob Benedict). Remember the fact that I’m 37 weeks pregnant. I had no clue what the hell to do for this photo op. I was wearing my self-made maternity “Love Yourself First” t-shirt, all black, with red/black buffalo plaid. I don’t know if it was entirely obvious that I was pregnant as I walked up to Jared for my op.

The VIP folks with his op got to go first. I opted, out of the four of us with his op, to go last. I walked up as Bang A Gong (Get It On) played, and whenever there is music playing, I cannot help but dance a bit. So my dumbass does my white-girl shimmy up to him and he laughed as he did his own short dance, but then proceeded to damn near do the splits to take the picture. I’m 5′4″. He’s 6′4″. I definitely didn’t want to take a picture with my face at his sternum. He knew that.

But other than that I didn’t know what to do. So I told him that. Here’s the conversation:

“Hey. I really don’t know what to do because she’s in the way,” I said as I pointed at my very-much-in-the-way-pregnant-stomach.

Jared’s eyes popped when he looked and then immediately started rubbing my stomach. Now normally, I would not have been okay with some rando touching my pregnant stomach without asking.

Jared Padalecki is not some rando. And he asked, “How far along are you?”

I laughed as I said, “I’m due in three weeks.”

If I thought his eyes popped before, they damn near fell out of his head at that. He replied, “Holy shit, how the fuck are you on your feet?! That is so badass, I can’t believe you’re here!” He held up his hand for a high-five, which I did, and he grabbed my hand to hold on to it. He then asked me my name. I told him and mentioned I’d been to the con last year with my sister and she was sad she couldn’t make it this year. And he then said, “Jeanna, awesome, I’m so sorry your sister couldn’t be here. But, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?” I told him I was great and that I’d been looking forward to this for months even though I’m huge and was really nervous about this photo op.

He then pulled me into him, wrapped his arms around me (like he does for most of his ops) and we took the picture. With his arms still around me, he looked me in the eye and said, “It was wonderful to meet you again. I am so glad you are here and that you’re doing so well. Is this your first?”

“Yup.”

“I am so happy for you, that’s awesome. I remember Gen had the pregnancy glow, you look absolutely stunning, you’re rockin’ it hard. Thank you again for being here. I’ll see you again later in VIP.”

I thanked him and hugged him once more and he kissed the top of my god damn head.

And then I left the photo op room. As I was walking out of the room, a fellow VIP’er was waiting for me and saw me walking out. I think I had the worst dead-eyes face on because she said, “What happened?! Did something go wrong with your op?!”

And I said, “No. It was amazing I’m fucking speechless and don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m forgetting something. I... don’t know what to do all of a sudden.”

“Breathe, honey. You’re forgetting to breathe.”

You’re god damn right I was forgetting to breathe. I mean, this just happened:

I couldn’t have asked for a better photo.

Moving on...

Next was Mark Pellegrino’s panel which was stellar. I love him.

Rob came out eventually and was giving Mark the Dad stare. I kinda wish Rob would look at me like that... eh, @atc74?

And then there was some funny God and His Children interactions.

Such a stellar cast.

And then there was the Jensen and Jared main panel.

Guys. Gals. There are so many fucking pictures I took. Here’s a random sampling:

It was an amazing panel. Like I said someone put a quarter in Jensen and he was just on point this year. Compared to other cons and videos I’ve watched, he really came out of his shell at this event and put on an amazing show with Jared. I absolutely recommend watching all the videos from this convention because they are so worth it.

After the main panel was Mark’s, Jensen’s, and Jared’s 10 minute VIP meet and greets. Holy shit were they great. Again, can’t really talk about them, but I got to sit next to Jared and he doesn’t understand personal space. I’ll leave it at that.

The night ended with autographs. I hit up Jared’s first, which in hindsight wish I’d done last but oh well. I hopped in line and when he saw me he said, “Remind me how long you’ve got?” as he reached out and touched my stomach again. I told him it was three weeks out and he smiled and shook his head as he said, “Damn, you are a fucking trooper. Congratulations again. Keep kickin’ ass.” He signed the photo, thanked me, and I thanked him. Right as I stepped away, he said, “You tweet that baby’s picture right away! I wanna see her face!”

I did tweet a picture, but I don’t think he saw it. That’s okay, I didn’t really think he would.

Jensen was next, who I had sign my J2 op from the previous year with my sister. While signing, his mala bead bracelet got stuck on the table cloth. My first thought was to say, “What did you do, Ray?” in my best Winston impression. And Jensen didn’t miss a beat. “I couldn’t help it. It just popped in there...”

Thanks for knowing your Ghostbusters references, Jensen.

Last but not least was Misha. Aside from his 10-min meet and greet, I’d never really interacted with him. There was a short wait for him as he finished up his Castiel photo ops. My VIP liaison and I were waiting together because she had an op for his auto too. And then he arrived, got settled and waved us over. I had him sign the first op my sister and I ever got from 2016 with Misha and Mark Sheppard. Mark had signed it last year.

And Misha remembered from VIP on Saturday that I was pregnant and asked me about it. When I told him it was a girl, he said, “Oh yeah, you’re gonna love it, it’s stupidly fun. Picked a name yet?” and I told him we decided on Elizabeth. His response was, “How cool, my sister’s name is Elizabeth. You have fun with that baby and don’t listen to anyone. Follow your gut. Science, too. But trust yourself. You got this.”

And then we were done. I went back to the VIP room, helped clean up a bit, gathered my stuff, and headed for my car. The second I walked out of the room, I started crying because... it was over. Everything was done, all the things I’d been looking forward to for months were... done. Just like that, in the blink of an eye, the weekend was behind me.

I’m still not over it. I’m waiting for the next opportunity to meet them all again. I called my sister in that moment of sudden sadness and told her that we absolutely had to do VIP together at Chicago, or hope they come back to Minneapolis soon. I can’t imagine doing a con without VIP again.

And the weekend wouldn’t have been what it was without all the people I met and new friends I made. You’re all wonderful and amazing and I can’t thank you enough for how welcoming you all were.

I hope you all enjoyed reading these. I think I’ll put a master post together to link to all three parts/days and add a link to the flickr album there as well. Thanks again for reading!

[in-a-trans-like-state]

so my xmas is pretty much over. it was ok 

under the cut is just me giving a blow by blow of my day trying to figure out my emotions. 

the morning was nice though i had problems sleeping and woke up about 2 to go back to sleep at 6 to get up at 8 and be tired all day. 

I made bacon and raspberry pancakes for my family’s brekkie and we opened presents over food. my dad decided it was a great time to collect all the food and cutlery he wanted from upstairs and take it downstairs (his abode since my parents have spilt up) He wasn't too much of an arsehole though he really could have waited till i’d finished in the kitchen to rummage around it trying to find the last bowl of a set ( that turned out to be downstairs anyway) 

We went to my great uncles for lunch. I don’t like having xmas at his much cos he never really comes to family gatherings so he feels more like a stranger than anything. Plus he and his wife are loaded and they invite their rich friends over and i did not feel like talking to people i didnt know. Especially load drunk ones who are the embodiment of the “what could a banana cost? $10?” meme lady. (OK i dont actually know how rich they are but they live in a very nice suburb in a big house with way too much wine and it makes my working class leftist self cringe.) I much prefer to have christmas at my grandma’s run down place that creaks and the kitchen floor slopes because its the uncut bedrock the house it built on, and the only new people i have to deal with are my cousin’s new boyfriends.  

One guy was extremely extroverted and drunk and he was very cringe worthy. Like shut! up! you are embarrassing yourself! and your daughters! He cornered me said he remembered me from when i was little and made comments about how I’d changed, he actually bought up the gender thing which like everyone else was stepping around. 

My great aunt made comments about how much happier i am and how she was glad i’d followed my stars. Like thanks? But also I transitioned nearly 3 years ago?? Have you not spoken to me since then? (probably) Talking to the drunk guy was awkward but it was over pretty quick and i ran back to my mum. 

The food was good. I liked the ham and smoked salmon. there was prawns which stunk and made me feel vaugely sick for the rest of the day. as well as my dad’s smoked chicken. Idk what it is about it but when ever he makes it it tastes slightly off to me. Probably cos im not used to it. There much have been 20 bottles of wine on the table. Like ?? You don’t need a bottle of red and white for every person present. 

My dad opted to go home with my aunt and granny so he could stay and bitch longer. He is an alcoholic.  I always thought I was maybe exaggerating when i said that but mum recently told me that he has attended AA meeting in the past. Apparently when they last separated about 9 years ago he was sober for a couple of months. but then said something like “my life isnt worth living without alcohol.” Which does make me feel a little sorry for him, but also he is such an arsehole when he is drunk, like he can be bad when his sober but drunk him is a nightmare and 100% why mum’s separating form him (for good this time) 

Like mum was so worried during the lead up to xmas because what if he gets drunk and starts complaining loudly about her at the family lunch? And she cant leave cos there’s only one car? Or worse (?) he waits til we get home before (verbally) laying into her and us. I wasnt home but my sister got into uni the other day and instead of congratulating her dad made a big fuss cos no one had told him. I cant wait til mum has her own place. Where she (and me and my sisters) dont have to fear him stomping up the stairs to yell at us. I always tell my self that he’s probably not abusive. Like he is a negative toxic person (mum calls him draining) but he doesnt beat us or emotionally manipulate us on purpose. But honestly whats the difference? I wouldn’t be exaggerating too much by calling him abusive. 

I suppose the difference is that I’m (unlikely) to get PTSD from him? And i feel that it wasn’t as bad as some people have it so am I offending actual victims by calling him abusive? But also as theres no way I’m going to start talking over abuse victims and saying shit like I survived my dad with minimal damage that therefore their stories are invalid that calling him abusive or nearly abusive just puts another blip of the spectrum of this is what abuse can look like. If that makes sense? Fuck this was meant to be a christmas post and now its been derailed. 

Anyway I hope one of them sobered up enough to drive. Because drunk driving is a dick move and also I’m slightly worried that they’re dead. My anxiety is always going people are late? They had a car crash there’re dead. I know not to fixtate on it and just go well its possible but also quite unlikely so stfu brain. 

I spent way too much time on my phone trying to ignore people so now i have a headache. I didnt get to drink because I was designated driver so at least I’m not hungover but I was so tired I nearly feel asleep at the wheel. I came home and slept for two hours straight. 

I’ve changed my sheets which ive been meaning to do for a week now, and had coco pops (thanks santa!) for dinner. I need to have a shower and eat some fruit. Hopefully I’ll be able to sleep because we’ve got to get up again tomorrow and go to my granny’s for present opening. because for some reason we couldn’t do it at my great uncles? Like not that I’m complaining about seeing the family again its just very time consuming and I’ve got work tomorrow afternoon so my whole day will be on a time limit and therefor stressful. 

I feel pretty down though. its probably the headache. Maybe its the fact i didnt get presents from extended family so my inner four year old is sad. Maybe its the weather it was quite cold today. Maybe I’m all socalised out. 

I think its partly cos im disappointed in myself for not engaging with people more. Even though I was tired and therefore socialising is undesirable and they were drunk and too loud. I’m also slightly pissed off at having to go to my great uncles. But also the reason we went is cos he had cancer this year so I also feel like a massive jerk for not wanting to go to his place. 

So all in all the day could have gone better. But also it was ok. Like I’ve long since accepted that the whole of christmas day cant be 24 hours of magical this is a special day feeling. Maybe thats an adult sign or maybe its depression (xmas is less and less fun as you grow up) either way I suppose it could have been a more special day. But also it doesnt really matter and hopefully i’ll feel better tomorrow  

[almostentirelylost-blog]

Alexanderplatz, Kreuzberg, and new friends

 The big adventure.  Really today was a very big, unexpected adventure.  Started off nice and easy just visiting with relatives, my great aunt and uncle, wonderful people, and lunch.  The idea for the day was to head to the Alexanderplatz to see the Body World corpse museum.  That's something else, mostly just the fact that people spent that much time dissecting and plastinating corpses, and then arranging them in different poses... all the displays, so on and so forth.  Somehow it felt wrong to take pictures, so I didn't really  Just the one that I'll add.  The human body is fascinating and strange, but that museum is actually pretty unnerving.  

 The corpse museum was just the beginning, too.  Next up I took a trip up to the top of the tv tower for the sake of taking pictures of the entire city from one of the tallest structures in the city.  That was very touristy and also a whole lot of fun to do, and hey, seems that there are 15 year old edgelords all over the planet; had a good laugh watching some kid getting interrogated by the police as to why exactly he was carrying a karambit around with him.  The view up there is spectacular though, and I couldn't have possible asked for a nicer day, almost cloudless and warm, but not overly hot.  

 I suppose the Alexanderplatz deserves a little more description, too.  It's a huge city square in the middle of a lot of historical places.  It's huge, with fountains and shopping malls all over, but was also very close to where the wall was built, not to mention the big courthouses and also the Spree river, oh and an old (old like... 1700's) church called St. Marien's.

 St. Marien's is one of those places that anyone can enjoy regardless of demonination or beliefs.  Just a beautifully painted, architectural wonder, serene and quiet for the most part with gorgeous engravings in the stone, paintings all along the ceilings and historical carvings, tablets, and scripts framed all over.  Neatly organized and well... there are pictures to help that description.  The real highlight of that church was that I got there just in time to hear the organ being played.  Now, organs are likely the greatest musical feat of man.  The sheer scale of an instrument that old and well cared for is humbling.  For those that don't know, organs are wind instruments that have the capacity to incorporate the sounds of an entire orchestra in a single place, playable by a single person.  Not that it used to be that way, but now there is a motorized component used to pump air through the instrument.  Back in the days before electricity and machines and so on, it was pumped by man, two men that would stand in the organ itself and step on alternating bellows to provide the air pressure necessary to play.  Exhausting work, I'm sure, and also a precision endeavor since too little pressure would mean that there would be no sound, and too much pressure would give the wrong tone.  These two, without being able to see him/her, would have to be able to work in perfect sync with one another as well as the organist. 

 I really can't put into words how impressed I am with organs that large and old, really just... wow.  The music that was being played was masterful as well, the sort that could only really come from a lifetime of practice and playing.  Baroque, though I can't remember which composer she was playing.  So after the music ended and I realized I was standing there on the first floor, staring up at the balcony where the organ was housed like an idiot, I found my way up to the balcony with the intent of congratulating the organist on her musical prowess and also to take a picture or several of that old iron monstrosity.  I didn't see her, took one picture (that I'm totally gonna' post), and then promptly got kicked out of one of the oldest intact churches in Berlin.

 Taking pictures of and being in the same space as that organ was strictly forbidden.  That put a smile on my face, and I realize that's dumb, but I took great joy in that.  It was time for the next chapter of that adventure anyways.

Part II: Nikolaiviertel

 The next step was obviously to find myself some beer and some food.  Through the advice of my relatives, I found my way out to a really neat little pedestrian neighborhood called Nikolaiviertel ( Nikolai Quarter), I don't really know the origins of that name, but I suspect it has to do with a saint, and a particularly old and famous church that resides in the center of this neighborhood, aptly named Nikolaikirche. They wanted money from me to go in there and that was silly to me, so I just took what pictures I could and moved on, exploring those delightful cobblestone streets and staring into the silly tourist shops, and eventually finding the not-so-silly beergardens.  Specifically a place called Reinhard's, and also a placecalled Otello's.  Otello's had old accordions hung up on the ceiling all over, there's a picture, and Reinhard's was that sort of place that made you feel like it was centuries old (might've been) with a grand old wooden bar, and smoke darkened walls with wax candles in holders dotted around its entirety.

 Seemed like a really nice place to eat, so I did the only obvious thing and forsaked the beautiful, old interior for the sake of sitting under a tree outside to people watch and drink a beer.  I also had a wienerschnitzel that was a little bit lackluster, but god damnit I'm gonna' make amends for that next week in Vienna.  Beer was delicious, for those of you that were worried.  Plotting out where my next step would take me was the hard part of that lunch, but I settled on Checkpoint Charlie (I guess a pretty major checkpoint and security hub along the Berlin Wall) and set out to find that... and promptly got extremely lost.  This is the age of technology, and I have a smart phone, but that's no fun and I actually kind of like being lost.

Part III:  Henne

 I never made it to Checkpoint Charlie, but I did get out to another ancient old bar called Henne.  Famous for their chicken with crispy skin and juicy meat, as well as krautsalat and kartoffelsalat.  That was my mother's recommendation, being a place that she'd spent a great deal of time at as a youth in Berlin.  Thank you, by the way, mom.  That place was amazing.  Sadly no pictures, which doesn't usually prevent me from taking pictures, but the bartender was a rather grouchy looking old lady and I didn't want to cause problems.  After all, she was the one serving me full litres of Klostershwarzbier, and if that doesn't demand respect then I don't know what does.

 So, though I was content to sit by myself and enjoy my beers and the sights, sometimes things don't stay that way and in Germany it is such that if you have open space at your table/bench/whatever, you will usually be joined by someone or other.  I was joined by an English couple named Alex and Shems, and they were an absolute riot.  They'd just gotten into Berlin two hours previously, and were a little lost as to what to do/drink/eat, so I helped them out as best I could in ordering.  One thing led to another, and now I have two more friends. Wandered around Kreuzberg with them until the wee hours of the night, stopping at interesting looking bars, and having drinks all over town.  Two in the morning and I managed to find an uber back home, made it safe, didn't get robbed, all is well.  What a night. 

 That's the adventure, the big one, and the beginning of another international friendship the likes of which can really only be forged with beer and late nights out on a town you don't know.  Really, even the most anti-social people can get out and make friends anywhere in the world, and that's a beautiful thing to me.

[scenarios-on-ice]

Roses are red

Violets are blue

This ‘poem’ sucks but

Happy Birthday to you

(Note: there was originally like eight more cynical lines about how birthdays mean you’re that much closer to the end, but I scrapped it because when I try to use dark humor it usually just ends up kinda gruesome.

There’s probably something wrong with me and someday we’ll find out what that is, but today is not that day)

Congratulations! @(^-^)@  You were only sixteen but your mind was older- now you’re seventeen, but I’m sure the latter part of that quote still applies and the blog will blow us all away even more than before! Hope you have a wonderful, satisfying birthday despite how non-stop you are (don’t forget to take a break when you can) and one last time, congratulations!

(also depending on how the timezone difference between Croatia and Korea works, we’re only a day or two apart- my birthday is March 30th, which is tomorrow over here! :D so cool)

“Whatever you say ma'am, Furuta will pay for his behavior! I’ll use tumblr, I’ll write under a pseudonym(Evans)- you’ll see what I can do to him!

But at least since he’s dead, you can finally speak your mind?”

I know, I still like the idea of trans Mutsuki better but other than any hints dropped in canon, I just think it’s very unlikely that TG as a Japanese manga will add a 100%, conmpletely confirmed LGBTQ character. I believe Ishida himself is pretty open towards the LGBTQ community (Nico’s portrayal is a bit questionable but in an omake Yomo is shown thinking that anyone he dates could become Touka’s aunt OR uncle (though of course that could be a translation error), Shuu is a subversion of manga stereotypes regarding gay men and TG in general has a lot of interesting themes regarding sexuality and gender), but idk, the idea of a mainstream seinen manga like TG adding LGBTQ themes that go beyond heavy implication seems unlikely (though who knows, it could happen).

Mutsuki just makes me bitter. FIrst all the arguments about their gender and now I don’t even like them anymore (they used to be an adorable cinnamon roll but after recent chapters, while I still feel for them they’ve become a lot less sympathetic).

(Also this just makes me sound salty but I recently came across a very aggressive blog dedicated to reminding everybody that MUTSKI IS MALE AND YOU ARE ALL WRONG and reading through it just made me kinda mad and irritated all at once. Once a trans person made a post saying that despite being trans themself they didn’t think Mutsuki was, offering several manga moments as decent evidence and being quite polite, and the mod of this blog answered them with what basically boils down to 'lol no it’s possible to be transphobic even if you’re part of the LGBTQ community and you are clearly one of these people’.)

Don’t worry, cinnamon roll Hinami isn’t being forgotten! :) I’m really looking forward to her meeting Akira. I’ve always liked Hina but these recent chapters pushed her up on my ‘favorite characters’ list- she’s just way too sweet.

Reading the manga: wth Ishida you are officially my least favorite person like even Isayama is better than you

Reading Ishida’s translated tweets/the comments he makes in TG extras: why are you so nice

Yeah, I kinda hated Urie at first (I understood his goals and motivations but did he really have to be such a jerk? I honestly thought he was going to get somebody killed in the auction arc) but after the auction arc I started to like him better (I think the official moment I decided ‘I like Urie Kuki as a character’ was when Shirazu died) and I kinda freaked out when I realized what happened to him…

He would make a great Burr though. I think he’s way more willing to act than Burr and is not a ‘talk less, smile more’ kind of person (more like a ‘talk less and don’t smile at all’ type) but they’re still really similar. I could also see Urie singing Wait for It…with Kaneki as Hamilton. Not because Kaneki particularly fits Hamilton but because of how Burr is clearly somewhat jealous about Hamilton’s progress despite not approving of his methods in Wait For It (in an interview about the song I think LMM said something about it describing the feeling of watching your friends and acquaintances getting so far ahead in life and thinking 'Wait for it; someday I’ll get there too’).

Am I the only one who headcanons that despite acting super classy and not knowing much about rap/hip-hop before someone (maybe Hori?) gets him to listen to it, Tsukiyama actually turns out to be a really good rapper?

Speaking of Tsukiyama though, I want to see more of his interactions with Naki

Hmm, since Mado died after he was already an adult couldn’t Akira technically count? We know from omakes that Mado was a doting father and made her childhood as happy as possible, so while her life might not have been 100% perfect it was still really good in TG terms. Takizawa before he entered the academy also counts.

but even those two had so much tragedy happen to them as adults…

(also, have you started reading the manga again? :D)

ok, that sounds creepy. Not going to be watching that.

Thank you so much for the recommendations though! Not sure if I’ll get the time to watch those but I think I saw some Magi volumes in a bookstore here so maybe I’ll check that out when I have the time!

And yeah, if you have any good animes/mangas to recommend, please do! And genre doesn’t matter- though I usually prefer dark, psychological stories I’m willing to make exceptions when the series in question is really good (that’s what I did with YoI after all :) the only genres I’m really reluctant to read are horror and high school romances).

I’m glad you liked them! And nope, don’t mind at all  :D fangirling

I am back! Again, happy birthday ^^ I hope the day went well for you :) How old are you now, if you don’t mind me asking? I’m guessing it’s either 14 or 15.

And thank you very much for the poem, it’s very cute! I wouldn’t have minded the extra verses. They might’ve ruined the mood a bit, tho ^^;; The theme sounds like something baroque poems would write about... Don’t mind me, I just had an exam dealing with baroque, so I’m probably prone to making bad references to it. 

I will never manage to reach your level of puns... I’ll just say that I’m very satisfied with the amount of them.

“Just because he’s dead doesn’t mean he won’t come back. He died so another villain can take his place.

No matter how much I support trans Mu, I’d be very, very surprised if it actually become canon. I mean, as you’ve said, Japan and lgbt don’t quite go together that well... I guess we’ll just have to see... And nope, I still haven’t started to read the manga again. No time ^^;;

I’ve started to dislike Mu after the chapter in which his past was revealed. I just don’t have the will to stomach stories like that, honestly... Good horror/psychology manga/anime might interest me once in a while, but there’s a border I don’t like crossing. TG is waaay over it (which is probably a part of the reason why I dropped it, after all)

Gaah, it’s people like that that make dislike the lgbts... Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against people in that community and I won’t discriminate (though stuff like fictionkin and made-up pronouns do make me roll my eyes), but it’s these people that give people the wrong image about the whole community. Unfortunately, I’ve had quite a few encounters with those... aggressive people. I could go on and on about the things I saw as a part of this site, mostly concerning those ridiculous people who are probably in it because they think it’s ‘cool’ or ‘trendy’ to be bi or genderfluid.  I get waaay too worked up over this theme, don’t I?

Oh, I’m so happy about her not being forgotten! She is a precious cinnamon roll and doesn’t deserve the life she has, she deserves so much better.

Boy, that sounds fun. Well, Ive had experience with the ‘reading manga’ part, but I don’t particularly follow tweets ^^;; I hope things work out in the manga!

Idk, I mean, I disliked him at first, but I got to like him very quickly. I just seem to like silent types like him (I say that, and yet I also like Phichit, Viktor, Haise and so on, who are nothing like him.... WHOOPS).

Signs that I’m slowly forgetting TG: *reading the message* ‘who... are these characters?’ I mean, I know the most important ones, like Haise, Urie, Akira and so on, but the other ones... This makes me very sad ;-;

Yeah, I guess that would make Kaneki a good Hamilton. STILL DON’T WANT BURR (COOKIE) TO KILL HIM, BECAUSE KANEKI IS A CINNAMON ROLL WHO DOESN’T DESERVE TO DIE! The dynamics between Kaneki and Urie don’t make a good Ham-Burr, but their positions in their job, so I guess they really are the best pair for Hamilton.  Why did Ham have to die ;-; That makes casting so much harder for me.

Oh yeah, Tsukiyama would be an amazing rappers, I don’t doubt it at all. In fact, I’m sure that he’d be able to do Guns and Ships perfectly. 

Fun fact: You made a typo saying ‘Mado died after SHE became an adult’ (I changed it) and you gave me the biggest heart attack. Pls, my phone wasn’t used to the speed with which I typed ‘TOKYO GHOUL WIKI AKIRA MADO’ to check if what you said is true.  Yeah, Akira could count, I guess. That makes a total of ONE character... Not much, eh?

I don’t know if I count Takizawa... I think that the way his life is now, it very much makes up the lack of angst in his childhood.

Oh yeah, one last concern about The World Is Still Beautiful!

WHY IS THERE A CHARACTER NAMED LUNA WHO ACTS LIKE AN INSUFFERABLE BRAT DURING HER WHOLE SCREEN TIME, I DEMAND JUSTICE!

I’m done. 

One last recommendation:

LOVE LIVE AKA CUTE IDOLS. I invite you to join me in the pits of idol hell :) It(s not a romance, don’t worry. Also, there’s a mobile rhythm tapping game if you’re interested :))

Ooh, I’d be so happy if you’d start reading Magi! During the later volumes, it gets reeally psychological, so I think you might like it! I’d say something, but spoilers!

Well, I’ll go add the text to the post, then ^^

[553butterfly553]

Lightning Dragon Slayer Love - Laxus x OC 19

The Time Before

The next morning, Laxus and Adryn were awoken by their bed shaking. They were confused and opened their eyes to see Serenity, on their bed bouncing in place. She had a huge smile on her face and when she saw that they were awake, she pounced on them. “Good morning!” Serenity called out as she laid between the couple. “Morning,” Laxus grumbled as he rolled over to get out of bed. Adryn sat up and smiled at her daughter. “Good morning, how did you sleep?” Adryn questioned her child as she watched Laxus move over to the closet to grab new clothes for the day. He then left the room and entered the bathroom. “I slept great! How did you two sleep?” Serenity seemed like a completely different child. She clearly was feeling more at home now and was becoming more of the child she should be. “I slept well. I'm sure Laxus did as well.” Adryn then climbed out of bed and went to gather her own clothes for the day. “I'll leave you to put your day clothes on. I'll be in the living room.” Serenity then climbed off of the bed and headed out the door, closing it behind her. Adryn then got dressed for the day and as she was changing, Laxus reentered the room all dressed and ready for the day. Once both of them were done, they exited the room and met up with Serenity in the living room. “I'll make breakfast, you two set the table,” Laxus told the two others as he walked into the kitchen. The two girls agreed and made their way to their table. They collected their tableware and began to set the table as Laxus made them breakfast. It didn't take too long for them to finish with the table, and for Laxus to finish with breakfast. They quickly ate their food while chatting about their dreams from the night. Serenity had a particularly interesting dream, as she dreamed about Adryn being pregnant. It startled Adryn and Laxus, but they wrote it off as just a wishful dream from the child. “So, where are we going today?” Serenity asked as the three of them left their apartment. “To the guildhall. We want to talk about the wedding with our friends.” Adryn responded as she grabbed a hold of Serenity's hand. Serenity then offered her other hand to Laxus and he took it. The three quickly made their way through town and reached the guildhall. Once there, they met up with their group of friends. Meaning the Thunder Legion, Eclipse, and Mirajane. “So, how was your first night in the new place?” Mirajane questioned as soon as they were all together. “It was great. You should come and visit soon.” Adryn smiled at her friend. “Laxus and I also talked about our wedding. We figured out that we want it to happen here and sooner rather than later.” “Have you figured out anything in detail?” Eclipse asked simply. “Hmm. Well, I think I know who I want to be my maid of honor.” “Oh?” Mirajane and Eclipse both looked at each other, wondering who would be the one that Adryn would pick.” “Both of you,” Adryn answered their unspoken question. “I want you, Mira to be co-maid's of honor with Eclipse. I want both of you to be in that role since both of you mean so much to me.” “Adryn!” Both Mirajane and Eclipse hurried and wrapped their arms around the redhead. She tensed up but allowed it to happen. “I take it that you two are alright with that?” “Yeah, we're more than alright, right Eclipse?” Mirajane questioned as she looked over to the pink-haired girl. Eclipse just nodded her head in return. “What about me?” Evergreen butted in, ruining the moment the three girls were having. “I was getting to you.” Adryn smiled at Evergreen. “I want you to be a bridesmaid.” “Good, I accept.” Evergreen then returned to being silent. “So, who's going to be Laxus' best man?” Eclipse asked as she turned her attention to the men around her. Laxus seemed to pause and think about it for a moment. “Freed.” Laxus finally responded as he turned to look to the green-haired man. Freed seemed a little shocked to hear that and looked to Laxus immediately. “Seriously?” Freed questioned a little hesitantly. He wasn't sure if he'd heard right. “I want you as my best man,” Laxus stated simply. Instantly, Bickslow frowned and began to pout. Adryn immediately noticed and brought attention to the man. “Bicks? You good?” Adryn asked even though she already knew the answer. “I only chose Freed because he's better at planning and the details than you are,” Laxus told the man, but everyone knew that it wasn't the total truth. Freed and Laxus were much closer than Laxus and Bickslow. “So, I'll be a groomsman?” Bickslow questioned hopefully. Laxus nodded his head and Bickslow smiled at the man. “You'll be my only groomsman,” Laxus stated, making sure that everyone else knew that he wasn't about to have a bunch of people as important figures in the wedding. “Now that it's all settled, I have to go talk with Nova.” Adryn declared causing Laxus to look at her with hesitancy in his eyes. “Don't worry, I just need to clear up anything with her that is bothering both of us.” To her words, Laxus just nodded his head. So, alone, Adryn headed to the infirmary, which was where Nova still was. She'd sustained some injuries that needed time to heal, physically and emotionally. “Adryn?” Nova noticed Adryn entering the room immediately. “Hey, sorry I didn't come here sooner. I was... thinking we need to talk, but I wasn't sure how to go about it.” “I can understand that...” Nova looked down at her hands and frowned deeply. “Listen, Nova, you will always hold a place in my heart, but my heart now belongs to Laxus. I'm truly happy with him and I don't think I could be with anyone else anymore.” Almost instantly, Nova burst out into tears. “I'm so sorry, Adryn. I didn't mean to cause any trouble but I can't help but still feel feelings for you. I was truly in love with you when we were younger before Ivan came into the picture.” “I'm sorry for moving on while you were suffering.” “No, it's better this way. We can both be happy without each other... or at least I hope I can be.” Adryn felt terrible and made her way to Nova to hug her. The two girls held each other for a few moments before they released each other. “Let's head out of here. I think I'm good now.” “You sure?” “Yeah, I need to get out of here. I hate being stuck here all alone.” Nova then climbed out of bed. She lost her balance a little bit, but Adryn stabilized her. The two girls then left the infirmary to see the Thunder Legion, Laxus, Eclipse, and Serenity all chatting and as they got closer, they realized that they were chatting about Laxus' and Adryn's wedding. “Hey, Nova?” “Yeah?” “How about you be a bridesmaid. Is that alright with you? I want you to be a part of the wedding since you mean so much to me.” “...Alright, I think that's a good idea.” Nova smiled at Adryn and it brought the attention of the others. “So, Aunt Nova gets to be in the wedding and not me?” Serenity questioned as tears began to fill her eyes. Laxus and Adryn immediately got worried and looked to each other. Laxus then got the answer himself and began to speak. “You can be the flower girl. That's a thing, right?” Laxus replied looking back to Adryn for confirmation. Adryn nodded her head and approached Serenity. “Your father is right. However, that's an important job, do you think you can handle it?” Adryn questioned her daughter who instantly started nodding her head enthusiastically. “I can! I can!” Serenity cried out as she bounced in her seat. “Good.” Adryn smiled at the girl as Laxus patted Serenity on the head. “Hello, children.” Master Makarov stated as he approached the group. He'd been off at a meeting and just returned only to hear the wedding news from Mirajane. “I hear my grandson is getting married, is that right?” “They will be getting married soon. We're already planning it.” Eclipse responded to the man. “Congratulations. Do you have anyone to officiate the wedding yet?” “We aren't that far in the planning, but do you have any ideas?” “I can do it, and I want to.” “Really?” Laxus questioned as he looked to his grandfather. “Yes, do you have a problem with that?” Master Makarov sounded dead serious and Laxus just shook his head in return. “Good.” So, with that, everyone began to take this wedding planning more seriously. With everyone close to the couple pitching in their ideas, the wedding was getting planned very quickly and efficiently. ~ A couple of months later, the wedding was planned and all that was left was the bachelor and bachelorette parties. “Where are you two taking me?” Laxus questioned as Freed and Bickslow guided the man through town. “To a bar that just opened. I've heard it's a good place to go to due to its alcohol.” Freed responded simply as he looked back to Laxus. Laxus just frowned and didn't put up a fight anymore. He was interested in drinking, but it was the day before his wedding, so he wasn't sure if he should be doing any heavy drinking or not. “Everything will be fine, Laxus! Don't worry!” Bickslow stated with his babies echoing “Don't worry!” a couple of times. Despite that, Laxus worried. Even so, his worries disappeared after a few drinks. Laxus, Freed and Bickslow all were getting drunk at a good rate. Even so, worries returned in the form of skimpily dressed women approaching Laxus and the other two. “Go away. I'm getting married tomorrow.” Laxus shooed the women away, but they just wouldn't take no for an answer. “Oh, come on, you aren't married yet.” One of the girls stated as she tried to get her hands on Laxus. The man kept pulling away but they weren't stopping. “Someone like you shouldn't get married anyway, you look like you want to have some fun.” Another of the women spoke as she moved closer to the tall man. “Enough! Get lost girls, you are not welcome here with us.” Freed finally couldn't take it and

moved to shoo the women away physically. They finally understood the fact that they were not wanted and left the men alone. Freed then turned around to ask Bickslow a question, only to see that the man was gone and had headed over with the women. Bickslow turned to wave to Freed and Laxus before giving his full attention to the women he was now with. “Well then.” Laxus couldn't help but chuckle at the situation. However, Freed was not thrilled about it. “We are supposed to be celebrating you, not going off with random girls!” Freed was outraged. “It's alright, Freed. Let Bickslow be happy.” “You've grown softer, Laxus.” “Have I?” Laxus asked, but he already knew that he was softer now that he had Adryn and Serenity in his life. Freed couldn't help but smile and take another drink of his alcohol. Meanwhile, Adryn was being dragged out to a different bar in town. Serenity was left with those at the guildhall and would be taken home by Master Makarov. So, that left Eclipse, Mirajane, and Nova to make Adryn have a fun night. For a little while, everything was fun. Drinks were flowing and the girls were having fun just chatting with each other. Everything changed when a group of men approached them. “Hey, cuties. How are you tonight?” One man spoke up, clearly drunk. “We aren't interested,” Eclipse spoke up immediately as she stood up from her seat. She wasn't sure what these men would do, so she was all defensive. “Hey now, you aren't being too kind. We just wanna talk.” Another man chuckled as he tried to wrap an arm around Eclipse. Instantly, before the man could touch her, Eclipse had a whirlwind of air swirl around her protectively. “Leave. Now.” Eclipse growled as lightning began to crackle around her with the wind. “Whoa! We... We just wanted to talk!” The first man was clearly freaked out, meaning these were ordinary men. “And we just wanted to enjoy our night. So piss off.” The men got it finally and ran out of the bar, tripping over each other as they left. As Eclipse calmed down, multiple people in the bar clapped for her. “That was amazing!” Adryn stated as she stood up and hugged her best friend. “Indeed, that was amazing.” The group of girls turned around to see a man standing just a little way away from them. He was a taller man with black long hair. His right eye was blue and his left eye was red. He had a tattoo over his right eye and wore all black. “Those men have caused a lot of problems with any women who enter this bar, but I doubt they will be bothering anyone again.” “Then I'm glad I put a stop to their actions,” Eclipse responded, as she smiled at the man. He returned her smile and began to speak again. “May I buy you a drink?” “We're in the middle of my best friend's bachelorette party right now, so I can't-” “Yes, you can!” Adryn, Mirajane, and Nova all yelled at once. Eclipse was caught off guard but smiled as she turned from her friends back to the man. “Alright, I'd love it if you bought me a drink.” Eclipse then walked over to the man and they instantly began to hit it off. Eventually, the man, named Dracul was invited to go over with Adryn and the others. He congratulated her and they all fawned over the attractive and unique man. The girls found out that Dracul was a traveler from another land but had been staying in Magnolia for a little while, but was leaving the next day. That upset Eclipse, but she didn't dare show it. “Well, I'd love to keep chatting with you girls, but it's gotten late,” Dracul stated as he looked out the window to see the moon was high up in the sky. “Oh shit. We stayed out too late. I'm getting married tomorrow, we need to get home!” Adryn stated, a little panicked. “May I walk you home? I wouldn't want anything to happen to you all.” “We'd love that. Especially because we are going to be heading out of town and into the woods.” Eclipse responded simply. The girls were going to be staying in Adryn's old home, while Laxus and Freed were going to be staying in Laxus' old apartment. It was so they could be fully apart to rejoin together for the rest of their lives. It was some symbolic stuff that both Laxus and Adryn didn't really understand, but the others insisted they spend one last night in their original homes. Where everyone would sleep that night was unknown, but for the sake of the symbolic meanings, they would put up with anything. So, with that, the girls and Dracul left the bar and headed through the town. Eclipse and Dracul walked a little behind the others to chat more privately with each other. Adryn, Mirajane and Nova all talked to each other as they went as well. However, too soon for Eclipse and Dracul, they reached the little house in the woods. “Well, I guess this is goodbye?” Eclipse began as she stood outside the door with Dracul. “No, we will see each other again.” The man stated with a smile on his face. “Good, I would like to see you again.” “I would like that as well.” “Come on, sis! Stop flirting and get in here! It's bedtime!” Nova yelled out from inside the house. That caused Dracul to chuckle a little bit. “You should go. We will see each other again, I swear.” Dracul then began to walk away with a wave. “Be safe on your way back to your place!” Eclipse called out to him. “I will be.” Dracul turned to smirk at Eclipse, before disappearing into the darkness. “He was totally your type, right?” Adryn's voice from behind Eclipse caused the pink-haired girl to jump. Eclipse quickly turned around to frown at Adryn. “He was.” Eclipse simply responded. Eclipse seemed to be a little unsure of the man, or at least a little unsure of his words to her. “You will meet again. He said so himself, and he doesn't strike me as someone who lies.” “You're right. At least I think you are.” “Come on, I'm tired. Get back inside!” Nova cried out from the couch she was laying on. Mirajane was seated in a chair nearly falling asleep. So, Adryn and Eclipse hurried inside the house. Adryn decided that she would sleep in her bed with Eclipse, while Mirajane took the floor in the living room. Adryn provided blankets for her to lay on and to cover up with. Nova got the couch due to her literally passing out there. They covered her up with a blanket before they all went to bed. “I can't believe the amount of blankets you have,” Eclipse noted as she climbed into bed with Adryn. That caused Adryn to chuckle a bit too loudly, before putting her hand over her mouth to silence herself. “Yeah, well, it gets cold out here sometimes. I need a cocoon of blankets to survive at times.” Adryn's comment made Eclipse laugh more quietly than Adryn had. With that, the two girls laid down and tried to fall asleep. However, it takes Eclipse hours to fully fall asleep and that night, Adryn found she couldn't sleep after a few minutes of trying. Usually, she falls right to sleep, especially when she's consumed some alcohol. “Psst... Eclipse, you still up?” Adryn whispered as she rolled over to look at her friend. She was met with eyes looking right back at her. “Holy fuck!” Adryn gasped out as she jolted backward. She nearly fell out of bed but caught herself. “Not funny.” “I thought it was pretty funny actually,” Eclipse responded with a smirk on her face. “What's up? Can't sleep?” “No. I don't know why.” “Dude, you're getting married tomorrow. That's obviously why you can't sleep.” “Oh... you right.” Adryn and Eclipse shared a laugh before laying on their backs to stare up at the ceiling. “I know I shouldn't be, but I'm nervous.” “How come?” “I never thought that I could be this happy. I don't know why, but I'm just waiting for another bad thing to occur. It's like I can't get a break, and this is going too well. I have an amazing daughter, and tomorrow, I'll have an amazing husband. I have two best friends and other close people that I decently get along with. I just...” Adryn trailed off as she closed her eyes in thought. With Adryn's pause came a silence that lasted for more than a few moments. “You just think that you don't deserve this happiness, right?” Eclipse broke the silence finally. Adryn re-opened her eyes and looked to her friend. “I don't deserve this life after everything I've done. After everyone I've killed and hurt. How can someone like me be this happy and at peace?” “You deserve the world, Adryn. You never did anything out of malicious intent. You thought you were protecting Nova and yourself. You might have done a lot of wrongs, but there are people out there who've done even worse than you. Hell, you, me and Nova all haven't always been ourselves. We suffered too. So, I think you more than deserve this happiness, this life you have and everyone you care about. I don't think anything else is going to happen to you. Sure, there will still be hard times to come, but with Laxus and Serenity, you'll get through them. You and Laxus share a love that most people don't get. With everything you've been through with each other, I don't think anything could tear you apart.” “...Damn Eclipse, that was a lot to take in. Thank you. I think I really needed to hear that.” Adryn then yawned and looked over to Eclipse. “I guess I'm finally sleepy.” “Get some rest. We can't have you falling asleep on your big day.” Eclipse then rolled over to face away from Adryn as Adryn did the same. The redhead then slowly drifted off to sleep, while the pink-haired girl stayed awake for another few hours before finally falling to her own sleepiness.

[ecotone99]

[RF] The Secret the Supreme Court Justice never told

(Before I start, this isn't a true story)

Viewpoint of the Adoptee Mary Vineland Stikes

I was born on August 21, 1958 in Orlando, Florida. About 12 hours after giving birth at Orlando Hospital, my biological mother quickly left. The story made the news in the Orlando Sentinel. I was put into foster care and then put up for adoption. I grew up in Winter Park Florida. I had a very good life and the parents that raised me loved me very much. My adoptive parents had a child (my older sister Patty) but couldn't have any more children for unknown reasons.

My mother struggled with her weight and people assumed that she was pregnant at the time (she wasn't but she didn't say anything). Everyone said it was a surprise but they didn't know that I was adopted. My parents decided not to tell me unless they had to and it was decades before I found out. Me and my older sister always assumed we were blood relatives growing up even though we didn't look like each other and had very different interests and talents. We were close anyway.

My interest was in the law, so I went to law school and I became a lawyer. I became a judge winning an election and for eight years was a Supreme Court Justice for the state of Florida. All I was say about politics is that I was middle of the road basically. This didn't really create any controversy. Like any judge, some people liked my decisions and then others didn't. Of course I got phone calls, e-mails, letters, etc. from people expressing their opinions.

Then I was asked to be on the Supreme Court in Washington D.C. a couple of years ago. I was in my late 50's, married with 2 children and 4 grandchildren. I couldn't believe it. I barely knew the president but he liked me. I didn't have any scandals in my past which was true. Even so, someone always manages to find something.

Viewpoint of the Biological Mother Louann Jones Burgess (Supreme Court Justice)

I became the second female Supreme Court Justice. I was born in Nashville Tennessee and hobnobbed with the Nashville elite. My father was a record producer for many of the top Country Stars, so I pretty much know them all. My brother is still in the Country Music Industry as a consultant so I know many of the younger stars.

When I was confirmed, I got a few questions about my families involvement with the Country Music Industry, but not many. At one time I was an attorney for the Country Music Industry and when I was a Supreme Court Justice in Tennessee there were a few cases that I had to recuse myself. One case my brother was involved in a lawsuit over royalties and another was a Country Star Lisa Jacobs that I knew personally. Not many cases relating to Country Music ended up in the Supreme Court in Tennessee. One of the senators did ask me if I tried to influence the case my brother was in as he won and I didn't. The outcome in the court would have been the same as the Supreme Court in Washington looked at the case and found it to be correct.

There is a chapter in my life that I've told no one about and only one other person knows. Shortly before Mary Stikes was chosen to be the next Supreme Court Justice, Cassie Miller who was my great aunt died. She was 100 years old. She was the only other person that knew. I could tell her things and she would never tell another soul.

I was 17 years old in May of 1957 when I met Billie Boltz who was a year older than me. At that time he was an up and coming Country Music Star. Now of course, he's a County Music Legend. He was so good looking. I first met him in the spring of my junior year. I went to a fancy private school that Nashville elites went to (Nashville Academy).

Billie was a greaser, so to speak. My father found out that we had gone on a movie date and barred me from dating him. My father considered him to be on the wrong side of the tracks which he was. The high school he attended had a bad reputation for greasers and other getting into fights. I managed to secretly date him as we went places that I knew the Nashville elite wouldn't go, much less be seen at. It was fun.

In January of 1958 I found out that I was pregnant. I told no one except Aunt Cassie. Since I'm a tall thin woman, I was able to hide the entire pregnancy. Billie had graduated from high school in 1957 and had just gone into the army in December of 1957. He had been arrested for fighting and was given the option of military service or jail.

My aunt had a summer home in Tampa and Orlando. I went to a doctor in Tampa during spring break and during the summer. My aunt didn't tell the doctor that I was her niece. I was a girl in trouble and she was helping me. I was supposed to give birth in Tampa, give the child up for adoption and then go back to Tennessee. But this didn't happen according to plan. I went into labor a month early. My aunt was in Tampa when this happened. Once I knew that I was okay, I left the hospital and went to my Aunt's home which was nearby. I called her from her house and told her what happened. She thought it best that we tell no one. She told the doctor that I had given birth in Tennessee. The doctor never questioned her or looked into it as far as I know. He died in 1976.

Bill knew nothing about this. He had sent me a letter stating that he had another girlfriend and was breaking up with me. In September of 1958 I went to Vanderbilt University and tried to forget about this chapter in my life.

When I first saw Mary Stikes, I knew that she was my long lost daughter as she looks just like Bill. When I saw the circumstances of her birth, which was now public knowledge, I knew. Now what am I going to do? No one knew who the mystery woman is who gave birth to her.

Viewpoint of Adopted Father Dr. William Vineland (retired Dentist)

I thought that somehow this information would never come up. I was concerned when Mary ran for Supreme Court Justice in Florida that this would come up but it didn't. Someone in the Congress dug it up and now are trying to find the biological parents. They would be in their late 70's. It's possible that the biological mother of Mary is deceased. As for the biological father, well good luck with that.

I wish the Senator would just drop this. He isn't going to find anything. If the biological parents of Mary are still alive, I doubt that they would come forward because they would be grilled on Capital Hill and I doubt they would want this. This Senator put out an ad in several newspapers and on the internet trying to find Mary biological parents. So far they haven't come forward but you know there will be those who do so for attention.

I'm 90 years old. My wife Shirley died back in 1998 at the age of 68. She had numerous health problems which was why she only had one child. We always wanted to have at least 2 children, so Mary was adopted. When Patty called me to ask me questions about this after she had read about it on-line, she wasn't too surprised. That explains everything she told me. Patty and Mary are very different people with different talents and different likes/dislikes. Patty is a more free-spirit who owns a art gallery on Park Avenue. She majored in art in college.

Mary is more serious and went into law (something Patty had no interest in). Mary has a easy time getting good grades. Patty got good grades but struggled to get them. I'll left Patty continued this conversation.

Viewpoint of Sister Patty Vineland Jones

Mary called me when she heard about the news and asked me what I knew about it. I didn't know she was adopted. I really didn't. We called our dad who confirmed the news. I was shocked as was Mary.

This is what I told the Congressional Hearing committee. This was the truth.

Viewpoint of Mary Stikes

I was in shock for a couple of days after I found this out. Thankfully my father called me before I saw it. For a couple of days I felt strange like I was disconnected from the world. The person I thought I was, I wasn't. I really didn't want to talk to anyone as I didn't want this getting out as I would be judged.

I was grilled for a hour by a Congressional Hearing Committee about this. If I were a man, I doubt I would be grilled about it.

"There were reasons why my biological mother did what she did. It was 1958, very different social mores than today. I can say the fact that I was abandoned at a hospital indicates to me that my biological mother cared about me and perhaps for many reasons couldn't care for me. I know she wasn't from the Orlando area. My birth mother said she was from Tallahassee but one nurse who was just starting out and who is now quite old is the only one still living that worked in the hospital at the time I was born said that the woman's accent sounded like she was either from Tennessee or Kentucky. Who knows. I just want to say that I'm not angry with her nor do I harbor any bad feelings towards her."

Viewpoint of Biological mother Louann Burgess (Supreme Court Justice)

Thankfully I was alone when I watched the congressional hearing. I cried when I heard Mary's testimony. I really don't know what to do, so I'm keeping quiet.

I graduated from Vanderbilt University in 1962 and was one of the first women to go to law school in Tennessee. I met my husband Dale Burgess and we married in 1966. I had 3 children and I have 9 grandchildren. Life has been good for me. Sadly my husband died a couple of years ago.

I decided to write Mary a letter. It's long overdue. She was confirmed at a Supreme Court Justice.

Dear Mary:

Congratulations on your confirmation as Supreme Court Justice.

This is the most painful letter that I've ever had to write. I feel that I must tell you something about myself. I am your biological mother and for various reasons I can not come forward or reveal who I am. I will say that I'm in my 70's and fortunately have had few health issues. I have children and grandchildren (they are not from your biological father as we married other people). I also have a brother who is in his 80's and is healthy.

Your biological father is musical and has musical talent. He also likes to sing. Years of smoking caused him to develop heart problems (not sure if this is genetic or just relates to smoking) and he has quit. When I knew him, he didn't have any health issues. Like me, he has children and grandchildren. Don't have information on medical history but will say that your father's sister had dental problems.

I will say that no one who knows about this with the exception of me is still alive. (I never told your father about the pregnancy). My father disapproved of the relationship. All I will say is we came from different worlds, different social backgrounds. I was not from Florida but will not say where I'm from.

For a single unmarried woman in the 1950's with a pregnancy, there wasn't a lot of options. You were supposed to be born in Tampa but you were born in Orlando. Once I knew that you were okay and that I was okay, I left the hospital. I stayed with someone in the area and then went home a month later.

I cried when I saw you testify at the Court hearings. I really don't understand why this Congressman is so obsessed with this.

Love, You birth mother.

I sent the letter out. I was careful not to leave any fingerprints. I mailed the letter in Jacksonville Florida at a mail box where I knew there were no cameras. I made sure no one was following or watching me.

Viewpoint of Supreme Court Justice Mary Stikes 2 months later

I was confirmed to be a Supreme Court Justice by a wide margin. Congratulations to me.

My father received this letter from someone claiming to be my birth mother. Gave a copy of the letter to the FBI. I asked them to keep this quiet and they did. I didn't tell anyone and the only people that know are my father, my sister Patty and my husband. I wasn't too happy when the FBI told the Chief Supreme Court Justice Tanner Lewis about this (we are good friends despite our differences) but they felt that they should. Tanner was in agreement with me that this matter was a private one and the Congressman shouldn't have made it an issue as it had nothing to do with my ability to become a Supreme Court Justice.

It's hard to tell if this is for real or if's someone fooling with me. The information so vague that this person could be anyone. Don't believe that the person lives in Jacksonville.

Viewpoint of Supreme Court Justice Louann Burgess (2 years later)

About six months after Mary was confirmed, I became very ill unexpectedly. I died from complications from surgery. The FBI was never able to find out who sent the letter to Mary's father. I guess my secret is kept. There was a large gathering at my funeral. All my children, grandchildren and one great-grandchild. All of the Supreme Court Justices were there. I was Mary's mentor and she spoke of this mentoring that I gave her.

What would have happened if this secret had came out? Well, one of us would have to leave (most likely it would be Mary) and it would have upset the balance of the court and this was very important. That is why the President appointed her.

Mary looked so much like her father that I surprised no one noticed this. Her father didn't when she was introduced to him at a concert. Of course men in general don't notice this.

submitted by /u/baronesslucy [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2Nl51Sm

[portfolionicolio]

Mother!

On Friday, I turn twenty-three years old.

My mother, grandmother, and sister came to my house today. My sister and I had plans to go out to dinner. Her birthday is a day before mine - she is five years and three hundred and sixty four days younger than me, so we planned to celebrate together. My mother and grandmother came to drop her off at my house beforehand.

“Happy Birthday,” my Grandmother hands me a card and kisses my cheek.

My mother and I don’t make eye contact. I can’t remember the last time we did.

I give my sister her birthday card.

My mom starts: “So for your birthday this year. . .”

A few years ago, when I was still under my mother’s policy, a birthday meant a free month of car insurance.

“I am going to drop you off the phone plan this month,” she continues.

A year ago, she’d gotten in the habit of trying to guilt me about the fact that I’m still on her phone plan, and that she foots the bill. I immediately told her to take me off of the plan. She then told me it was actually saving her money to have me on it.

I remind her of this, but I’d had enough. 

“Just take me off.”

At our birthday dinner, my sister and I talk about our family. We admit we sometimes cry because our grandmother is too cute for words. We also admit we cry about our father often. It’s difficult to explain why.

My sister is my absolute best friend. She is deeply intelligent. She screeches when she notices something funny. She is resilient and hopeful. She sees things for how they are.

My mother, she says, has stopped buying groceries. They eat out most nights, or subsist on snacks. They almost never eat a meal at the table in our dining room.

When I still lived at home, we ate dinner at the table every night.

My mother, she says, has been taking the entirety of my sister’s paycheck every month. My parents put out money for my sister’s first car, and my mother has been forcing her to make 500 dollar installments for every paycheck she earns until its payed back. My sister used to buy groceries for herself, chicken breasts that she’d cook and eat alone, but now she doesn’t have the money for it.

It is difficult to describe our situation to people who aren’t us. We have seen the secret few are privy to, and even fewer will reveal. Our mother is somehow very threatening, although she’s barely over five feet tall.

To others, she is considerate, friendly, outgoing, caring; a genuine, good person. She is well liked. But this has never been the mother we’ve known.

We had a mother and a father. We lived in a house. We weren’t hungry, or cold. We spent most of our time with our mother, while our father worked. By more than a few standards, we were alike many of the other families in our town.

But I always felt somehow separate from most of the other people I knew. I was extremely prone to sadness as a child. I was painstakingly self-conscious. In elementary school, I had to keep myself from crying during the pledge of allegiance every morning. I didn’t understand why it happened, because, being so young, I didn’t think I was sad about anything.

I actually cried every morning before school. Daily, while getting me ready, my Mom pulled my hair into the tightest half-up ponytail she could. She ripped through my knots with the brush. She didn’t hold the roots of my hair like my father did when he brushed it. She tied the hairband so tight that my scalp felt icy under it. I told her it hurt, but every morning she pulled it up into the same high half-pony, and every morning I cried, hoping no one would notice when I got on the bus.

In middle school, I developed a sweating problem. My feet would sweat terribly, and my armpits were damp no matter how much deodorant I used. It wasn’t on hot days. It was in the breezy fall, the dead of winter, early spring. It was every day at school.

But I did well in school. I excelled in sports and I was a high honor roll student, so no one noticed anything was wrong.

I started watching my little sister while my parents were out when she was three. I was nine. She challenged me. She was wild, and wanted my attention. She wanted any attention.

She was innately different than I’d been as a baby. A few weeks after I was born, my mom took me to the doctor because I never cried. But my sister came out of the womb screaming, and didn’t stop. She had a vivaciousness that I was born without. I had a natural easy-going-ness that was opportune for my mother to control. I strove to be perfect for her. I changed myself in exactitude to what she wanted me to be. But Andreanna’s nature could not be so easily molded. She was stubborn and outspoken and alive. 

While my parents were at work, I watched her for summers at a time, asking her questions, reading to her, trying my best (in a way that was almost unnatural for someone my age) to raise her to be the best person she could be. 

When my sister was in middle school, she posted a story on her newly created Facebook. It was very well-written for a twelve year old. It was about a young girl’s inner thoughts as she contemplated killing herself.

My Aunt, also on Facebook at the time, and concerned about what she saw, called my sister’s guidance counselor.

“Please don’t tell my Mom,” my sister pleaded with the counselor.

But they did. 

When my sister got off the bus that afternoon, my mother was waiting for her at the end of the driveway.

“I don’t need the school calling me telling me that my daughter wants to commit suicide,” she said, “You don’t have anything to be sad about.”

And that was the end of the discussion.

“Yeah, Poppy just died, and my sister was gone, but no, I didn’t have anything to be sad about,” my sister says at our birthday dinner.

That was the year that our great-grandfather passed away, and the year I moved out after high school. Leaving her alone in that house is something I still feel guilty about.

That was a few years after my Mom started calling my sister fat. She was not even slightly overweight. She had a different build than my mother and I, she took after my father’s more athletic, built side of the family.

One of the most heartbreaking conversations I’ve had with my mother was when I pulled her aside at my grandmother’s house after she’d called my sister fat, sending my sister into a violent fit of tears. I desperately tried to explain to her that she was at the age when girls are most sensitive about their bodies, when they are most susceptible to criticism, when they are most likely to develop eating disorders. I begged her to stop commenting on my sister’s body. I was terrified for my sister’s health, for her safety, for her mental health. If you love her, you won’t say that stuff anymore.

A few hours later, she made a comment about my sister’s backside being way too big.

My mother criticized both my sister and I. To both of us, she was cold and callous, and often cruel, but also sometimes silly, affectionate, docile. She swung between anger and contentment wildly; we never knew which to expect from her.  

Within that nature, she treated us in bizarrely different ways. She had to control every aspect of my life, but she didn’t seem to care about the details of my sister’s. I, the putty of a child she’d been able to manipulate since birth, was manicured and obsessed over. My sister, at the expense of feeling cared about, was allowed to grow up more uninhibited. 

She’d beat me (not an exaggeration) if I didn’t go on shopping trips with her; she didn’t think twice about leaving my sister at home.

It was an absolute sin if we didn’t all eat at the dinner table when I lived there, but now that I’m gone, the table is bare and the fridge is nearly empty.

My Mother’s father never told her that he loved her. Never said it once. He said he just couldn’t do it. He was an abusive alcoholic who mellowed with age, and sobered after being diagnosed with diabetes.

The grandfather that I knew was much different than the father she had. He was grumpy, but he always liked me. He took me places, bought me presents from yard sales. He got me vanilla wafers from the country store. I liked history, and playing in the woods, and Native Americans and WWII and all the things that he had a library full of books about. We were both fairly reserved. We both liked reading.  He was apparently drunk for the first few years of my life, but I don’t remember them.

I think I am the person who saw the most kindness from him. It never struck me that this might feel unfair to my Mom. He passed away a few months ago, and my mother wrote a poem for him. The first few lines mentioned the fact that he’d never said I Love You.

One day, while I was still in high school and living at home, my Dad, my Mom and I were playing tennis on the high school courts.

I wasn’t very good, but it was fun. It was my Dad on one side of the net, and my Mom and I on the other. He’d bat them at her and she’d hit almost all of them. She was very good. On the ones she’d miss, he’d bemoan her.

“C’mon!”

I, on the other hand, missed most of his passes. On the ones that I’d actually hit, my Dad would cheer and encourage me.

“Nice one!”

He meant no harm; this is the nature of playing with two people with different skill levels. Expect more from the pro, encourage the novice.

After a few too many misses, however, my Mother was getting flustered.

I hit a decent one, and he once again congratulated me.

“Good job!”

“WHAT?!” my mother exclaimed. I jumped. I hadn’t noticed her getting mad.

“You would never say that to me if I hit that one like that!” she was almost in tears.

My stomach turned. Was my mother jealous of me? Jealous of my relationship with my Dad? I felt disgusted. I dropped my racket and ran from the court. I started towards home. The high school was only a few miles from my house.

We never spoke about it again.

I didn’t realize that there was something really wrong with me until I moved out of the house. I had no one telling me who to be anymore, and that made me realize that I wasn’t anyone. I felt unreal, I was severely depressed. I didn’t believe that anyone should love me, or even interact with me. These feelings existed for me before, but now they washed over me like a monsoon. I was not worthy of the friends that I’d already made, and I didn’t see how or why I could make any more. Everyone told me I was great, but it went right past me. I was not a person. Everything that people thought was good about me was a lie, something I’d fabricated to fool people into liking me. Nothing was real.

I eventually called the suicide hotline. I wasn’t planning my suicide, but I didn’t know who else to call. I needed help and I hoped they could point me in some sort of direction. The woman who answered was a mother, she said.

“What’s wrong?” she demanded.

I explained, or tried to. I didn’t know how to say it all. I didn’t know if I really had a reason.

“Have you planned how to kill yourself?”

“No.”

“Do you feel like you’re going to kill yourself if an ambulance isn’t called immediately?”

“No.”

“So you’re telling me nothing’s wrong? You don’t have any reason to be calling this number,” she told me. “You don’t have any reason to be sad.”

A mother, she said. I apologized through my tears and said goodbye, and wondered if she began working at the hotline because of her child’s suicide.

I have only my friends and my sister to thank for making it through that year. My friends kept me company, and my sister gave me a reason to stay alive.

My second year of college, I moved off campus. My first year, my Mom told me her and my Dad would match half of whatever I earned during the year, to help me pay for living expenses and food. That never happened, and it was never addressed. With no financial safety net, and the stress of school full time, I ended up in the hospital after a severe anxiety attack. My heart had been beating out of my chest for a month. It was actually sore. I lost fifteen pounds because I had no appetite. I’d gone to the doctor thinking I was developing asthma. It ended up just being another physical symptom of the anxiety. One day, I felt like my heart was going to explode with terror.

My friends took me to the hospital, my girlfriend at the time sat with me for thirteen hours in the psych ward until I could see the psychologist. I didn’t tell my parents I was there because they certainly wouldn’t be of any help or comfort to me.

That was three years ago, the day after Halloween.

Since then I’ve been to three different therapists, taken Lexapro for a few months, dropped out of school, gone through intense periods of depression. I’ve discovered a name for what my mother is: a Narcissist. I’ve read articles about daughters of narcissists that could have been written by me.

“Narcissistic mothers cannot love their children. Did they ask to become narcissists? No. Do they cause psychological harm to their children? Yes. The psychodynamics between the narcissistic mother and her child are very complex but clear. When we have a mother who is emotionally and psychologically unavailable, who blames us for everything we do or don’t do and who is constantly projecting her venom on to us, there is no way to be our real selves. The extreme fear and anxiety and feelings of inadequacy and rootlessness that these mothers cause to their children is monumental. These children never have had a true home where they could find solace, respite, acceptance, affection, freedom and psychological and emotional safety.

Home is a war zone–both hot and cold wars rage behind closed doors. Narcissistic mothers are highly secretive and make sure that in the outer world their beautifully constructed image is perfect. They purposely build relationships with friends and acquaintances and other family members designed to always see them in the best light–as good, kind, considerate individuals. Only a few in a family or social group are not fooled by them. Often these individuals keep quiet and don’t reveal the truth because they are very intimidated by the forcefulness of the narcissistic personality. They decide not to make waves or speak out.”

-  Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

When I send my sister a link about being a daughter of a narcissist, she replies that she doesn’t exactly feel what the article is describing. 

In her statement there is a victory. I would not wish these feelings on anyone, especially not my sister, the one I love most. I can comfort myself in thinking: maybe I shielded her from it. But what is closer to the truth is simply that while my mother obsessed over me, she let Andreanna alone.

But she has her own issues.. The sadness that appeared in her middle school Facebook post has not wavered. She is bubbly and alive, but within her runs a dark, secret river of feeling un-cared-for. She is drawn into relationships that control her, because she was denied this type of love that she saw showered upon me. She has trouble articulating deep emotions, and is prone to angry or emotional outbursts. 

Having a narcissistic mother is knowing your creator, and your disease.

I have been surviving. I have relied heavily on my best friends, my chosen family, my first real supportive one, to get me through it.

On Friday, I will turn twenty three years old. I feel stable. I live with a person I love and his father, and our dog, and I have two steady jobs.

But it still overwhelms me sometimes, more than sometimes. It overwhelmed me after hearing my sister at dinner tonight, reminding me that our mother is somehow getting worse. She’s barely coherent, she’s more childish and moody, she isn’t buying enough food.

“She’s just decided that she’s done being a mom,” my sister said.

My mother and I barely have a relationship, except when she talks to me about money--what I owe her, how she can get out of my student loans she never wanted to take as quickly as she can. She has disrespected me, she has embarrassed me, she has hurt me. She has done all this to my sister too. And to my father, though he’ll probably not admit it.

But as I sit here writing this, I’m no longer angry. Well, okay, I’m still a little angry. But mostly I wish I could heal this woman who is obviously in such deeply rooted pain, so deep that even she can’t see it. She’s denied to herself and everyone else that it’s there. The way she treats us is just a way to deal with herself.

She’s a narcissist, something that many people claim cannot be treated. I don’t want to see her get worse, and I don’t know how to help her. And we, her daughters, have to heal ourselves, too.