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hotchley · 4 years ago

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like blood underneath your fingernails

Honestly, I’m quite proud of this one. It’s been in the works for a while, and I finally have a title (from Looking Too Closely- Fink) and I both did those flashcards and emptied the dishwasher, so it’s here now. It’s been proofread!! Once. In the car.

The writers (according to the internet) did not deal with the aftermath of Scratch’s initial... thing. So I took it upon myself to write the case after. It got dark, but I had fun writing it. And it has low-key Mortch vibes... a lot of other amazing writers have also written fics linked to this, so you need to read those too because they’re just the best

OH!! This is not a Rossi-friendly fic. I have tried to explain why he responds the way he does, but it does come off as Rossi bashing, so if you reallllly love him and think he was a great friend to Hotch... skip on this one.

Trigger Warnings: dissociation, aftermath of torture, a slight reference to suicide and child death, canon-typical violence, cases involving kidnappings and murder, blood, dark themes, other canon-typical darkness, hallucinations

read on ao3!

He cannot close his eyes.

Because when he closes his eyes, he sees one of them, falling to the ground as the light leaves their eyes and the life leaves their body because his worst fear has never been his own death. It has always been the death of the family he is meant to protect- whether that was Sean, or Haley or the team.

He hears the fear in JJ's voice as Spencer, her little brother, the boy that has always been too young, the man that he has never succeeded in saving, falls to the ground, eyes never opening again.

He tastes the horrifying and coppery tang of blood as Derek is shot right in front of his eyes, the blood splattering onto his cheek and every sentence Reid has ever spoken about the bacteria and pathogens in blood springing to the forefront of his mind.

He smells the bitter and disgusting sage that Peter Lewis uses to torment people and turn them into brutal murderers that cannot stand the sight of their own hands or wrap their heads around their actions because they had always been normal and good, and it hurts because he's already a killer, never once normal or good.

He touches the knife that was slid towards him, the metal cool against his warm hand and the weight a comforting thing that make him feel like he could regain control of the situation he was in, despite the thoughts of George Foyet that fill his mind, and he wonders whether Scratch is impotent.

He closes his eyes and he no longer knows what is real.

It is why he is returning to work only ten days after the case. He had wanted to take the usual five, terrified even of that small number because he couldn't trust himself. The doctors that assessed him in the hospital wanted him to take thirty. Ten, and a passed psychological evaluation, had been the compromise.

He wonders if the team knows how he lied. They must do. They aren't stupid. He wonders if anyone will call him out on it, or if they'll once again be so terrified of the humanity he wants nothing more than to cling to that they will simply watch and wait until he shatters again.

The steady ticking of the clock is the only noise in the otherwise silent apartment. When he flicks the light on, he sees there are still five hours until he needs to wake up. For a single moment, he closes his eyes, contemplating whether or not attempting to sleep is a pointless exercise. He swears he can still taste sage and opens his eyes again.

A silent house is not necessarily a bad thing. It means Jack is sleeping through the night, no nightmares about the gunshots haunting him. And it means the extra locks on the door, the obsessive way he checks every window is locked as soon as the sun goes down, are doing their job at keeping the monsters out of the only home Jack has real memories of.

Aaron creeps out of bed, grabbing the jumper that was folded at the foot of his bed. Once he's put it on, he sighs to himself and counts to five. For each number, he tells himself a fact that cannot be disputed. That grounds him.

His name is Aaron Hotchner.

He is forty-four years old.

He is standing inside his bedroom, in his apartment, which is located in Virginia.

The windows of that apartment are locked from the inside.

Just down the hallway, his son is sleeping peacefully, untouched by the monsters that strangle his father every single day.

He creeps down that hallway, taking comfort when the same floorboard that always creaks does just that. Normally he would avoid it. But lately he's been finding every opportunity to do something that Peter Lewis would have no knowledge of, if only so he can convince himself he's fine.

Jack's door is slightly open, allowing some light to enter. Aaron nudges it gently, making sure he doesn't wake Jack. The door doesn't make a sound, and his son carries on sleeping. He never looks so similar to his mother as he does when he sleeps. Haley slept on her left side, a slight smile on her face, and Jack does the same, unless he has a bad dream.

But even then, he is so much like his mother that his tears can be turned into something beautiful. Aaron was the exception of their little family, having always expressed his emotions so honestly, the few times he let himself do that, that there was no way it could be anything but ugly and human.

He's too big for the chair in front of Jack's desk, but he sits in it anyways, turning it so he can face Jack's bed. On the table is his latest art project- a collage of things that remind him of the people he loves- and Aaron finds it difficult to look at. Because his son has painted his mother as a perfect angel, and his father a superhero.

One day, Jack will realise his father is the furthest thing from the superhero and he will hate him for destroying his childhood and taking his mother from him before he was old enough to understand that people were mortal. Aaron is mentally preparing for that day- there are already so many letters that will never excuse or justify what he did hidden in his office drawer- but until then. he will allow himself this one good thing.

He will allow himself to sit, and take comfort in the steady rise and fall of Jack's chest. He ends up staying there until sunlight starts to stream through the window, and then he takes his leave.

Seeing Jack, sleeping so calmly and normally, reminds him of why he's going back to work. Because if he hurts the wrong person there, the team won't hesitate and they'll do it. If he hurts Jack- and he knows he's weaker than the man that refused to harm his son, knows that it will be Jack- there will be nobody there to end his pain and suffering. He'll be forced to live with it.

A minute before his alarm is set to go, he turns it off, and then he goes about morning like it is any other day.

He doesn't feel like himself till he puts the watch Dave got him when became lead profiler on, tightening the strap till it mirrors the feeling of holding the knife. And he wonders whether the team are discussing his return to duty the same way they had six years ago.

They are. Aaron's absence meant more paperwork for the rest of them, as there is no way the team are going to let him handle it when he comes back, so every single one of them are in an hour earlier. It also means his return will be as smooth as it can be.

Even if they don't all approve.

"It's only been ten days," Derek says. "He needs more time."

"Does he? He came back thirty-four days after George Foyet stabbed him in his apartment and his wife and son were sent into Witness Protection, and he was fine. This is like child's play compared to that," Dave says, fiddling with a paperclip.

"Ex-wife," Reid corrects quietly.

The three of them are sitting in the bullpen, looking towards the elevator every few minutes. Kate pretends she's not listening, and Derek pretends he believes her.

"Was he fine? He looked us in the eye and asked why a man that had lost his wife and child was still alive. He walked into a hostage situation unarmed. We all pretended he was fine because we needed Foyet to strike, but I'm not making that mistake again. Not after what happened when he did end up striking," Derek snaps.

Spencer swallows. Dave just raises an eyebrow. It's almost funny. Spencer views Aaron as a father, Dave as a son. Either way, they both believe he is perfect. Able to come back from anything and everything with nothing more than a broken ego. But Derek remembers what Foyet's body looked like, and he remembers how Aaron had shattered in his arms for those few seconds.

"If you want to ruin his first day back, then be my guest. But you need to trust him the same way he trusts us. After all, you care more about him than you do your job," Dave says, annoyance bleeding into his tone.

And Derek gets it. He really does. He had wanted to believe Gideon was invincible when he came back after Boston. Everyone had. So they hadn't done anything, and he had just gotten more and more reckless with his actions until innocent people ended up dead and Hotch got suspended. And then he ran.

He isn't going to let that happen again.

"This isn't about not trusting him. This is about keeping him safe. And you're right. I do care about him more, because the last time I didn't, he almost retired. So we either do the opposite of what we did last time, or we let history repeat itself."

"Derek, you can't force him into anything. He passed his psych eval, so Cruz can't do anything either," Spencer says.

Derek softens as he turns to him. "I know pretty boy. It's not about forcing him into anything. It's about making sure he knows that we're here if he needs more time, or if he needs a break. And don't get me started on that psych eval. I saw his answers. They're too perfect. He's lying."

"So what are you going to do?" Dave challenges, and not for the first time, Derek wonders how Aaron kept his sanity working with him, Jason Gideon and Max Ryan at the same time without any of the other members to meet his eyes with the same exasperated look every time one of them reverted to the old fashioned way of doing things.

"Be the friend he trusts me to be," Derek says. It's his own challenge. Dave prides himself on being the only one to call him Aaron. To people outside the team, Rossi seems to be the only one that Aaron trusts enough to be vulnerable with.

But Derek knows better. Aaron will never be completely open with anyone, but he still feels like he has a duty to be the hopeful and undamaged boy that thought he could save the world that Dave recruited. He still has a duty to be the father that Spencer never had and thought he'd found in Gideon. It is only with Derek that he allows himself to do his own type of falling apart: one that is contained and messy and ugly. Somehow both terrifying and anticlimactic

It was Derek that stopped him from running into a burning building all those years ago. It was Derek that was voluntarily told about Haley leaving. It was Derek that stepped up as Unit Chief and pulled him off Foyet's dead body. Not Dave and certainly not Spencer. So he won't let them influence his actions. Not this time.

Hotch does blink. But only when he thinks nobody will see him do it.

Dave keeps eye contact for a few more moments, but this time, Derek does not break it. Eventually the older man turns around and heads to his office. Derek sighs, knowing fully well that Aaron is going to end up doing the paperwork anyways.

"Is he going to be okay?" Spencer asks, sounding so painfully young that Derek has to look at him to remember he wasn't the new recruit anymore.

"Dave? Yeah, he'll be annoyed, we'll get a case and then everything will be fine," Derek says, smiling so Reid doesn't worry.

"No I meant Hotch. Will he be okay?"

Derek can't tell him the truth. "Of course he will. He's Hotch."

"Why are you lying to me?"

He knows there's no point in trying to deny it. "I'm not trying to patronise you or keep you in the dark. It's not that. It's just- I don't know. It's stupid, but I want to shield you from his mortality and flaws and imperfections for as long as is humanly possible. You are always going to have a different relationship with Hotch because of how much younger you are, and I just don't want to be the one that ruins it."

"So you want to protect me?"

Derek nods. "I guess."

"Thank you. Nobody ever did that when I was younger," Spencer says.

Kate breaks the ensuing silence by asking for Spencer's opinion on her consult, and Derek starts watching the elevator doors again. They don't open until precisely nine, when Hotch steps off, dressed in the same suit and tie he wears every second Monday of the month, carrying his briefcase and acting like nothing happened.

He gives them a slight smile as he passes them in the bullpen, and even those few seconds are enough for Derek to see that he hasn't been sleeping.

When Aaron sets his briefcase down, Spencer looks to him, nervous. Derek gives him a small smile, even though they all saw him as he entered. It's only been ten days since they last saw him, but his suits seem to hang from him more than before. Dave looks out at them, and Derek starts to count.

He counts to three hundred, and is immediately struck by just how fast time can go. Three hundred seconds is five minutes, and yet it feels like no time has passed. But when Hotch looks out at them, as he always does, everyday, without fail, ten days feels like a lifetime.

He is terrified as he stands, but he fights through the fear and goes up to his friend's office. The door is open, so he walks in without knocking. When Hotch looks at him, he closes both the door and the blinds. Hotch swallows as the sound of them closing fills the air.

"I don't want them profiling this conversation," he explains.

Aaron just nods. "Thank you."

"You don't need to pretend with me," Derek says.

Aaron looks away, and Foyet's presence, usually contained to the self-deprecating voice in his head telling him he's no better than his father, seems to fill the room. They both know why he doesn't pretend anymore.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"You don't need to say anything. I don't expect you to tell me the truth, because I wouldn't, if I was you. I'd be too terrified. But I remember what it was like seeing Spencer and Emily. So if you do want to talk, then I'm here. Always. And I won't flinch."

Aaron knows this to be true. When they finally got back to Quantico after Jason's death, Derek found him sobbing in the men's bathroom, the barriers he had spent so long piecing together completely breaking when he opened his drawer and found a photo from the early days, where Jason looked happy and hopeful. He hadn't said anything. Just sat beside him, and offered a tissue.

"I know you won't."

Derek sighs, not sure what he's meant to do. "Aaron-" he starts, not sure what he's going to see next.

"I can't trust myself. I- I don't know what's real, and I keep trying to do the grounding things that the bureau therapist said I need to, but I don't know if they're working. I have post-it notes all over the apartment and I have my five facts, and I have things I can touch, but Scratch knew so much, I can't- I feel like he's everywhere and he knows everything."

It is so honestly vulnerable that Derek wants nothing more than to flee, if only so he can cling to the Aaron that existed when he first joined the unit for just one more moment. But he made a promise. And he has no idea how he's meant to keep it, but he's going to.

He holds his hand out. When Aaron doesn't take it, he leans over the desk, gently linking their fingers. "I'm here. With you. Scratch can't get our body temperatures perfect. He can't know that I'm always slightly warmer and you're always colder. He can't know that twelve years ago, I called you darling because I didn't realise it was you."

Aaron chuckles slightly. "Derek."

"You don't need to say anything. I messed up after Foyet. I won't do that again."

He shakes his head, finally meeting his eyes, and the fire in them is almost enough to convince Derek that everything is going to be fine. Almost.

"You did everything you could after Foyet. If you had tried to do more, I would have stopped you. We both know that. You did everything right, everything perfectly right and you cannot feel like you failed because you didn't. Do you understand me?"

Derek swallows. “Yes. But you need to understand that if you need anything- and I mean anything, whether it’s for me to take the reins for a bit, an unofficial firearms certification, or even just to do the grounding techniques with you, I will.”

Aaron nods. “I know Derek. I know. Thank you.”

Derek gives him the most convincing smile he can, leaving the door open because Aaron hated having it closed. As he exits. Dave steps in, and he sees as Aaron morphs back into Hotch to be the man that Dave needs him to be. It hurts to see, but he understands why it happens.

He doesn’t believe in God. He hasn’t for a while. But he needs to do something other than stare at dead bodies, so he prays that the team remain grounded for a few days. Not for too long because then Aaron will get suspicious and realise that Derek had been forging Rossi’s signature in order to transfer their out of state cases to other teams, but long enough for him to get settled once more.

Or as settled as he would ever be.

It’s probably why, only minutes after Dave leaves Hotch’s office, smiling, whilst the other man just looks exhausted, JJ comes rushing into the bullpen. There are five files in her arms, and she looks frantic.

“No,” Derek says.

“I’m sorry, but we need to go on this one. It came directly to me. It’s- just look.”

He doesn’t want to, but as JJ goes to give the files to Dave and Aaron, he does, if only so he can gauge how much support he will need. And as he opens it, he understands exactly why they’re going on this case. Why, even if JJ had tried to hide it from Hotch, he would’ve said they had a duty.

They have four victims. All blonde women. All mothers. All divorced. Killed by a single gunshot to the head. No evidence of sexual assault, but they were held captive and tortured for three days before being dumped in their home. All found by their ex-husbands, who were only there to drop the child off.

Hotch does not show an ounce of humanity during the journey there. It terrifies Derek. Hotch only refuses to show how human he is when he’s close to falling apart. Too close for anyone to feel comfortable. Instead, he keeps his tone detached and professional. Derek pretends to not notice the way Aaron pushes down on his stomach, over the biggest scar Foyet left. Aaron pretends he doesn’t see Derek watching him.

When they get to the station, Derek knows it’s going to be a long case. Him and Reid are sent to the coroner’s office, whilst JJ and Kate are tasked with searching through their victims history. Which means Hotch and Rossi are left to interview the husbands. JJ and Derek- the most attuned to Hotch and the thought behind his actions- make a silent agreement that they will do whatever it takes to make sure Rossi doesn’t go too far. Whatever that means.

They fail because they don’t get the chance to speak to him before they leave the precinct.

And when they return, Dave is nowhere to be seen, and Aaron is sat in the conference room, clenching his jaw and hyper focused on the details in the case files.

“Did you get anything from the husbands?” JJ asks, tone gentle.

Hotch shakes his head. “They’re grieving, and terrified for their children. But they’re not guilty. They all loved their wives.”

Nobody bothers to point out all four couples were divorced.

"Where's Rossi?" Reid asks.

The tension in Aaron's shoulders increases.

"Hotch," Kate says, the only one that can.

"He accused one of the father's of committing the crime," Hotch says.

JJ and Morgan give each other identical looks. Kate looks horrified, and Spencer is stunned speechless.

"What happened after?" she prompts.

Hotch doesn't speak. Kate sighs, then leads JJ away. As she passes Spencer, she asks him to follow her because Hotch and Morgan need to speak alone. He nods and leaves without another word.

"Aaron," Derek says.

"I ended the interrogation and dragged him out of the room. And then I punched him in the face because those women remind me of Haley and those fathers remind me of myself and every accusation he made reminded me of the months after her death and I couldn't do it."

Derek wants to punch Dave himself. He must have known what he was doing, and in some strange and obscure way thought his actions would help the situation. Clearly he couldn't have been more wrong.

"You didn't cause Haley's death," he says, for lack of any other words.

"I did. Maybe I didn't put the gun to her head and pull the trigger, but I did cause it. That's not what I'm scared about though."

"What are you scared of then?" Derek asks, well aware that they're in the middle of a police station where anyone could hear them, but needing to take advantage of Aaron's vulnerability before he let his mask slip back into place.

"Scratch. I punched Dave and it felt like Scratch was laughing at me, egging me on to hurt him more. The worst part is that I almost did. Punching him felt good, and then I panicked and now I don't know- I don't know whether the only thing I did was punch him or if I did something more."

Derek curses under his breath. "How long have you been feeling like that?"

Hotch shrugs. "I couldn't- I forgot what time it was when I stumbled back here. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he says, the words almost reflexive because of every apology Aaron has ever given him. "We just need to ground you."

He takes Aaron's hands, noting that the muscles are moving the way they should be. It's a small thing, but it's a good thing, because it means he's wearing the wrist support when he needs them and doing the physical therapy.

“Look at me,” he commands softly.

Aaron does so willingly. “Derek, we’re in a conference room.”

“That’s good. Can you give me four other facts that prove you’re here, in this moment with me?”

"My name is Aaron Hotchner. I am forty-four years old. We are in a police station. You are Derek Morgan. There is a door behind you and a window behind me- the window is locked, but the door is wide open. We can both see if someone walks in."

"Show off," Derek teases.

Aaron manages to smile slightly. “Thank you,” he whispers after a moment.

“You have nothing to thank me for,” Derek says. He means it.

This time, Aaron’s laugh is self-deprecating. “I’m a horrible person to look after.”

“Not to me you’re not. How do you feel now?”

He shrugs. “Better, I guess.”

“Drink some water. Slowly. I’ll go check on Dave.”

“Do you think he’s going to hate me?” Aaron asks.

“You’re the closest thing he has to a friend. Of course not,” Derek says. He keeps his tone light, but deep down he’s afraid that Dave will. Not forever, he could never do that, but for long enough that something else goes wrong.

He finds Dave in the bathroom.

“Hotch told me what happened,” he says.

“And what? You’re here to tell me that I shouldn’t have pushed because he’s fragile and hurting? Did you tell him that he shouldn’t have fucking punched me in the face because of something I said to a suspect?”

“Those men were not suspects and you know that,” Derek snaps. He sighs. “I wasn’t coming here to tell you that you shouldn’t have pushed. I came to see whether or not you were okay.”

Dave raises an eyebrow. Derek sighs, again.

“He saw Scratch when he punched you. Now he’s worried. And he’s falling back into old patterns. I told him he didn’t kill Haley and not only did he not believe me, he flat out disagreed and said he did.”

“What do you want me to do?” Dave asks. He doesn’t sound angry, just tired. Derek wants to shout at him. He may be tired after this one event, but he’s not been the one picking up the pieces and gluing their fragile leader back together for the past few years. Dave doesn’t get to be tired. Not whilst Derek is still the only one able to do anything.

“I don’t know Dave. You’ve known him the longest. It was you that found him in the immediate aftermath. You took the gun from him- rather poetic given the last time an unsub targeted him, you told him to take yours- and got him to speak.”

Dave blinks a few times. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I thought being hard on him would bring him back, but I was wrong.”

“It’s okay. You just need to correct yourself now,” Derek says, for lack of any other words.

“I just want him to be the boy he was when he first joined the unit,” Dave whispers.

Derek did not know the boy his friend was then, but he does know the Aaron that existed before Boston. The Aaron that held a baby Jack in their arms like that one small child was enough to remove every piece of darkness to exist. The Aaron that had grabbed Haley’s hand and taken her dancing so they could spend a bit of time together.

"We all do. But he's gone now. The only thing we can do is try to save whatever pieces of him live in the Aaron that is sat in the conference room, beating himself up over something that was not his fault because of your misplaced comment," Derek says. They have a killer to catch. There's no time to entertain this.

"I know. Thank you. For doing what the rest of us are too afraid to," Dave replies. Derek shifts uncomfortably under the weight of his gaze.

Something about the dynamic between the two men has changed, and everybody has noticed.

"Somebody has to," is all he can say, before he leaves Rossi to wash his hands and search for the man that had promised Aaron everything he could ever want, all those years ago when he first recruited him for the BAU.

There's an empty glass of water beside Hotch when Derek returns, and he's silently thankful that for once in his life, Aaron listened. He's deep in conversation with one of the police officers, so he refrains from making any comments, but when Aaron turns back towards the table, he goes over without a second thought.

He tells himself it's because he wants to know what happened just then. Because he wants to know whether or not they have any more information that can be used to their advantage. He tells himself it has nothing to do with the fact that learning about the case means he doesn't have to focus on the minute tremble of Hotch's hands. Doesn't have to see the hollow look in his eyes- a look of a man so defeated that he has no reason to try anymore.

The problem with being a profiler is that you rarely fall for anyone's bullshit- including your own.

“Did the officer have some additional information?” Derek asks.

Hotch hears him, obviously, but does not respond.

“Hotch,” he repeats.

“No. He didn’t. He wanted to know why you were holding my hands.”

Derek rolls his eyes. “And what did you say?”

“That ten days a man that managed to turn people that would never dare hurt another person into horrific killers drugged me, causing me to hallucinate the deaths of the same people that are solving his case for him, and as a result, I cannot always tell when things are real,” Aaron deadpans.

For a moment, Derek honestly can’t tell whether or not he’s joking. Then Aaron gives him the smallest smile, and he relaxes slightly. The last thing they need happening is officers spreading even more rumours about the types of cases the BAU work on.

He starts to reply with a joke of his own, then sees Aaron’s smile fade away like it was never there. He wonders how instinctive the action is- how many times was that little boy told he was too much, and how many times did he fade into the background like he didn’t even exist?

Without turning, he knows it’s Dave.

“I’m going to see if Spencer needs any help,” Derek says.

For a moment, it seems like Aaron is going to beg him to stay. But like most of his displays of humanity, it passes in a second, and then he simply nods, not even trying to fight.

“Aaron,” Dave says, walking over with purpose.

“Rossi don’t. Please,” Aaron pleads.

“What you did was stupid. But my actions were also uncalled for,” he says. It’s the closest he’ll ever get to a proper apology. Aaron accepts it because there’s not much else he can do. Dave pretends it’s going to fix everything because it’s the only thing that will get him through the case.

“Do you seriously think the fathers are to blame?” Hotch asks.

Rossi shakes his head. “Not anymore. I just needed to be sure.” He also needed to be sure that Aaron was fine, and given his response to Rossi’s accusation, he can’t say he’s convinced.

"Good," Aaron says, and the smile he gives Dave is so small and subtle, but so full of love, that for a single moment, the older profiler is able to convince himself that the fragile collection of skin and bones in front of him is still the hopeful boy that joined the unit. But then the moment passes and he's left feeling worse than before.

When the team come back, picking up on the cues that both Hotch and Rossi laid down, they go back to acting like nothing is wrong. Like the women in the photos are victims that deserve justice, and not the mirror of the same light they failed to save five years ago.

There are no breaks in the case, and they return to the hotel defeated and miserable. Budget problems mean they're doubling up. Part of Derek wants to switch rooms with Dave so he can keep an eye on Aaron, but the bigger part of him knows it would be a terrible idea, so he texts him saying that if he needs anything, no matter what time it is, he'll be available.

Aaron mouths the words thank you once he's read the message. Derek counts it as a win, and he tries to remain calm when Dave texts him saying that when he entered the shower- after Hotch- although the water dial was set to be normal, the water ran hot. Too hot.

He refrains from commenting the next morning, when Aaron clasps his glass of freezing water like a lifeline. In some ways, it is. And he knows what it's a sign of. He isn't sure whether it's caused by something in particular, or if he's just overwhelmed, but the hotel dining area- where Kate and Spencer would both hear- isn't the place to ask.

They get to the precinct, and it becomes clear that nobody there has slept. Another woman was found dead a few minutes before they got there. The father and son are sitting in the same conference room the BAU were working out of. For a moment, Aaron looks like he's going to kill the person that sent them there. The lead on the case quickly intercepts, saying they moved the boards and evidence files, and he relaxes slightly.

But before anyone can sleep, he removes his blazer and tie, before unbuttoning his top button and rolling his sleeves up. And then he walks into the conference room. Derek blinks, then it clicks. Aaron looks like a father. Someone both people sat in the room can trust. JJ hands him the information on the file, and his breathing stops for a moment.

The father and son could have been Aaron and Jack. If Aaron's eyes were darker and Jack's hair lighter, they would be the boys smiling in the photo provided with the file. He wants to take over the conversation Hotch must be having, but he finds himself rooted to the spot. How many cases are going to hit too close to home before Aaron gives up? Before it feels like every victim wears Haley's face?

How many more times can Aaron Hotchner look into the darkest parts of humanity before his hands stop going cold at crime scenes and Derek Morgan needs to take his place in some weird parallel of the events that occurred after Boston?

When the father and son leave the room, he jumps out of his chair and runs over.

"We will catch this man. And if you need anything, please don't hesitate to contact me," he hears Aaron say.

He sighs to himself.

The father shakes his hand and leaves, guiding his son with nothing more than a gentle hand to the back of his head. He sees Aaron swallow.

"You know you can't promise things like that," he chastises, not truly meaning it.

"It wasn't a promise. It was a guarantee," Hotch snaps.

Morgan simply raises an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"I told him about Haley, and how I found her. And about how Jack was just down the hallway in my office- the one place in our home that my work touched, even if he never found it- so now he can't be alone on New Years or Independence Day. I only said it because he told me I didn't understand what it was like. To have to do that."

No amount of surgery is ever going to fix the hole in Aaron's heart that Haley's death created. They could plant seeds of love and watch them blossom into flowers of acceptance and fearlessness in every other part of his body, but that one area could never be touched.

Derek knows this. He's seen it before.So he doesn't offer any words, because there are none. Instead, he takes Aaron's arm and he squeezes the elbow. It is Aaron's non-verbal method of saying thank you. So in that moment, it can also be his.

Aaron isn't entirely sure why Derek is thanking him, but he learnt long ago that when someone said something, you didn't push. You accepted their words- whether they were kind declarations of love or as sharp as knives- and you moved on.

When Derek lets go of him, he walks back over to the team, feeling slightly lighter and infinitely more grounded.

Kate tells him another woman had been taken, and the weight he thought he'd been able to let go off settles on his chest like a death threat. There is a single moment where she worries that this will be the thing that causes him to fall off the edge of the cliff he's been standing on for far too long, but then he stands up properly and it's like nothing ever happened.

He doesn't sleep, instead pouring over the case file whilst Rossi gently snores beside him. If Jason had been with the team. he would've somehow realised that Hotch was still awake, and told him to go to sleep. And Hotch would've obeyed. But Jason wasn't with the team. He was dead. And sometimes that knowledge knocked Aaron off guard, so he stopped focusing on that and started concentrating on the woman.

Their break comes the next morning.

Garcia hasn't slept either, and between the two of them, they have a name and a location. Everyone piles into the cars, vests on and weapons ready, because even though nobody had said it, there was no way this is ending without at least one shot being fired.

The door to the building is unlocked, and they have their unsub surrounded within seconds. Hotch suddenly feels like a bucket of ice has been poured over him, causing him to freeze, and the blood to start pounding in his ears. Nothing feels real to him. He tightens the grip on his gun.

His name is Aaron Hotchner.

He is forty-four years old.

He is holding a gun because he is on a case.

The unsub is holding a knife to a woman's throat.

The woman looks just like Haley- no. He cannot think that. Not now.

"Let her go," JJ commands softly.

"No," their unsub says.

What is his name? And why can Aaron not remember his name?

"If you put that knife down, and let her go, we can tell the courts that you cooperated with us. That'll be nice, won't it?" Kate adds. Her tone is completely level. Calming in a way that it shouldn't be.

The unsub grins, then presses the knife even closer to his victim's throat. She lets out a terrified whimper and closes her eyes. He yanks her hair, forcing her to open then, and he seems pleased with himself.

"I don't care about the courts. I care about the man I'm doing all of this for. He's going to be great, and he's going to make me great too. Just you wait and see."

This wasn't part of the profile. There was never meant to be a more dominant partner. The control Aaron has been clinging to in order to get through this case is slowly slipping away with each piece of information he either cannot remember or is introduced to him.

"He? Who is he?" Spencer asks.

The man cocks his head. "Is it not obvious?"

Spencer shakes his head. "We're not like you. We need you to explain."

He nicks the skin slightly. Blood pools at the tip of the blade. Another digression from the previous pattern. No knives were ever used to cut the skin. The kills had been quick and clean. Why was everything changing?"

"I won't."

"The only way you get out of this alive is if you explain everything to us. Because this man, he won't make you great. Whoever he is, he only cares about himself. Not you. Certainly not your life. But we care about you. Just set the knife down," Derek says.

Aaron knows he needs to contribute, but he just can't do it. His tongue is like a useless knot in his mouth that he can't undo because his brain is twisted too.

"No," the man says, bringing it dangerously close to the woman's pulse.

"Aaron!" Derek shouts. "You're the only one with a clear shot. You need to take it. Or do something. Do you hear me? You are the only one that can do this. If he moves that knife, take the shot."

Aaron turns in the sound of the voice. Derek is telling him that he needs to take the shot, and he can see why. With the way they're stood, he is the only one that can possibly avoid hitting either the woman or another team member.

He raises his hands, ignoring how they tremble. Front sight. Trigger press. Follow through. Three steps that he has been following since his days at the Academy. Three steps that mean he has never missed. Never failed.

The man smirks.

Aaron turns to make sure nobody else will get hurt, or can take the shot. But when he looks at Derek, it's not Derek.

It's Peter Lewis.

"No," he whispers, but in the silence of the room, he may as well have shouted at the top of his voice.

He turns to look at the man, and he sees that he is about to shoot Derek Morgan. The one person that has never been afraid of him. The one man that is still good and undamaged by his hands. The one man that can and has led the team without any sort of assistance with him.

"Aaron!" Derek's voice exclaims, but he still wears Mr Scratch's face.

Aaron does not know what is real anymore, but he knows he needs to minimise the damage. The gun falls from his hands, with the safety off. It lands on the floor with a clatter that is too loud to his ears.

Their unsub laughs, once, and slits the woman's throat. She falls to the ground, dead by the time she hits the ground. Derek- real Derek, whose hands have always been warmer than his- fires his gun once. The unsub also falls to the ground with a shout.

Aaron closes his eyes.

He hears his name.

He tastes copper.

He touches his own hand, startled by the coldness.

He sees Derek's terrified face.

He smells sage.

He smells sage. And then the world goes black.

When he comes round, he does not know where he is. He does not know where the team is. He cannot ground himself in the moment or come up with five facts that prove his surroundings are real.

He opens his eyes. The team is gone.

And he is covered in blood.

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trixabke · 4 years ago

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Hiii!! Your blog is the cutest omg🥺 i love the color theme!!

I saw that you have the request for HQ matchups open and i wanna try it even though its my first time (a romantic one pls)😅 my name is Elena, im 19 years old, my pronouns are she/her and im bi with a preference towards guys. Im a taurus (actually im writing this on my bday hehe) and my personality is INFJ though im an ambivert, i love travelling, im a tourism student, and i also love baking, going to museums, taking walks under the sun, having picnics and having fun, i adore arts and crafts too and table games such as trivial or card games.

Im tall, 175cm, and im kinda athletic, ive got brunette shoulder length hair and brown eyes too; im always trying to make everyone around me feel happy, im very sensitive and empathetic and others being okay makes me feel great, i love helping people and hate confrontation, im also very into feminism, body positive vibes and justice. I would say im a bit of a crackhead when i trust people and im also very smart, im a professional overthinker and very insecure sometimes. My ideal partner is someone whom i can rely on but also someone whom i can laugh hard with, im not the clingiest person but i love physical contact with my beloved ones, my love language is acts of service and sometimes physical contact, i want a partner i can trust in but also who is my best friend. I think my clothing style is parisian, my favourite season is spring and i love chocolate.

I hope this wasn’t awful and pls feel free to dm if you need anything!! Also you can totally ignore this and it would be okay too, I understand😁 i wish you a great May month and please hydrate yourself and stay safe💖

a/n: HI ELENA, HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY! THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!! AND U DID PERFECT! ALSO, IM GLAD U LIKE THE COLOR SCHEME. HOPEFULLY, U LIKE WHAT I WROTE:)

if u see a misspelling, no u didn’t :’)

I match you with:

Daichi:

(honorable mentions: iwa, akaashi, and suna)

yall probably met while traveling tbh. He was rekindling an old friendship and saw you doing your thing- he literally thought that you’re the one girl he saw at the store and could not stop thinking about

ran into each other in a different place at a different time and different place, and it gave him an excuse to talk to you

this bitch was so flustered but managed to get your number

that or yall had a childhood friend to lovers story, very much slow burn

he wants someone who is not only his partner but also his best friend, so that’s one of the reasons he found you so intriguing

I feel like Daichi also overthinks things, but I feel like it could be a learning difference, you help him, and he helps you when the overthinking becomes too much

adores the fact that you’re tall. He thinks you're a goddess for sure

loves your crackhead side, he will match the energy up to like max 95%, he will match it more in person than text, but he makes an effort to keep up the vibez >:)

this man is so loyal, will be your rock- need reassurance bam Daichi is there, need a break from the stress of life bam Daichi is there, need help again bam Daichi is there

with that being said, I don't think he is clingy. He doesn't like to see people he cares about down or upset, so he will be there for you but won’t force his affection

he isn't adamant about physical touch; he loves it but won't initiate it at the start

not huge on PDA

loves acts of service; he likes the fact you take time out of your day to help him. He really really appreciates it and will make sure you know how happy it makes him :)

defo a hopeless romantic

loves and admires your empathy so much. Also, he supports the message of body positivity and justice. He cares a lot about the world, and it is imperative to him (bare minimum, I know, but he’ll treat u right >:))

AND SPRING DATES- JUST *CHEFS KISS*

would be the type to take you to a picnic in the park and spoil you

long walks on the beach and then watching the sunset

making cookies at 4 am

game night. after a long day just meeting up (just you guys or with friends) and getting some food and playing card or board games, he loves the fact you like card games because he thinks they are super underrated

will buy you flowers and chocolates, he probably has a designated few days each month where he scedules to go get you flowers and sum gifts

overall a very healthy sweet relationship

u were the first person who asked, so thank you :)

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sonicgetsrawed · 5 years ago

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Kidnapping for bad things. After Andrew stalked Varian he is now a kidnapped victim. No one knows where he is and Andrew is enacting his revenge. Traitors to Saporia pay with their lives but that doesn’t mean Andrew can’t have some fun with it. Unbeknownst to Varian, Ruddiger is getting help. Rapunzel and co are on the way.

This was also requested by PeaceandLove357 on Ao3! My second bad things happen bingo prompt! This will be under the cut due to violence, torture, and blood. Enjoy!

Varian forced his eyes open, the pounding in his head doing him no favors. The first things he noticed were his arms were aching, stretched above him keeping him suspended. The tips of his toes barely reached the ground, and there was the ever present feeling of fabric against his mouth. He took in his surroundings, eyes adjusting to the dim lighting. It wasn’t hard to recognize where he was, he’d seen it in this lighting many times. He had worked like this many times, it was his lab after all. Although he hadn’t been in here much since his father was freed from the amber, the constant reminder did nothing for his work. Speaking of the amber it seemed the remains of it was what he was hanging from, chains digging painfully into his wrists. He tried to push himself up so that he could force the chains over the edge of the amber, thus freeing him, but his current position gave him no leverage to do so.

“You’re finally awake. For a second I thought I’d killed you already. Where would be the fun in that, right, buddy?” Andrew drawled, stepping into his line of vision, sharpening the knife that he had previously been sleeping with. Varian tried to protest, any words he said muffling against the gag. Andrew clicked his tongue, stepping uncomfortably close to Varian. He placed the knife to Varian’s cheek, just above the gag.

“You know what this is for?” He dug the knife in, slowly, deliberately. Varian could feel his skin tearing, trying to escape the harsh blade. He jerked his head away, only for Andrew to grab his chin, preventing him from getting any relief from the sharp knife. “This is so I don’t have to hear you drone on, and on, and on, about pointless shit, that I don’t give a fuck about.”

“Although,” Andrew continued, trailing the blade down his neck, over his collarbone, until it finally rested above his heart, never breaking eye contact the whole way. Varian stared back with wide blue eyes, trying not to focus on the blood that was trailing down his face. “It would be nice to hear you beg, to scream, to cry out. Would you try to bargain with me?”

Varian’s heart rate increased as Andrew removed the knife from his chest, only to insert it into his stomach. He moved it just as slowly as he had when it was on his cheek, but this time he didn’t stop until the whole blade was imbedded up to the handle. Varian tried not to scream, tried not to thrash, he couldn’t resist the urgency to get away. He couldn’t even stop the tears that leaked from his eyes at the immense pain in his side. Andrew shushed him, moving his hand to his cheek, gently wiping his tears away. Varian involuntarily leaned into the touch, hating himself for seeking out the comfort to begin with. He hated how easily he fell back into wanting Andrew’s comfort, despite him being the one who was hurting him. Despite the fact that he had grown from that. Perhaps they were right when they said old habits die hard.

“Do you remember our time together?” Andrew stepped back, letting his face go. Varian bit back a whimper at the lost contact. He wasn’t that pathetic, he couldn’t be, he was better now. “Remember how you would never stop talking about the wonders of alchemy? I always tuned you out, honestly, but now I wonder,” Andrew ran his hands over the various chemicals on the shelves. “what does all this do?”

Andrew plucked a bottle at random, a sickening smile spreading across his face. “Wanna find out?” Varian squirmed, trying to get away as Andrew uncorked the bottle. The man stopped abruptly, tapping a finger to his chin as if he were forgetting something.

“Where are my manners?” He snapped Varian’s googles harshly into place over his eyes, irritating the cut on his cheek. Andrew poked Varian’s nose. “Safety first. We wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

Andrew placed the bottle just below the chain on his wrist, tilting until some of the liquid dropped onto the skin there. Varian screamed as best he could despite the gag, thrashing violently as the liquid burned into his skin. It did him no favors, liquid trailing down his arm and pooling where his shoulder met his neck. He was dizzy with pain, his eyes hazy with tears.

Andrew lifted his chin so he was looking at him again. “Wanna try another?” Varian didn’t have time to respond before his body erupted in more pain.

***************

“What about this one?” Eugene asked, pointing to an arrangement of flowers.

“Too gaudy.” Rapunzel responded, face scrunching in disgust. Eugene made a tick on his list, sighing as he moved to the next arrangement. He was about to ask her opinion when the door slammed open, revealing a very angry looking Cassandra. He immediately ducked behind his wonderful, beautiful, no way she could be mad at her, fiancé. “Cass!” Rapunzel called excitedly, somehow unaware of her angry expression.

“Where’s Varian?” Cassandra demanded, a very frazzled looking Ruddiger tucked under her arm.

“Nice to see you too.” Eugene responded, yelping as a knife imbedded itself inches from his head. He gulped, ducking back behind Rapunzel.

“I sent him home, why?” Rapunzel answered, choosing to ignore the fact that her best friend nearly took out her fiancé.

“This is why!” Cassandra shoved Ruddiger in their faces, sighing when they didn’t seem to get the message. She shook the raccoon. “Will you drop it?”

Apparently raccoons found it harder to forgive and forget than most humans did. Finally a paper dropped to the ground. She gave Rapunzel and Eugene a moment to process it. Ruddiger took the initiative this time, chittering at Rapunzel before pointing in a direction.

“Max!” Eugene called, hopping onto the horse as soon as he entered and helping Rapunzel up. Ruddiger climbed on top as well, still pointing.

“Fidella is right outside. I’ll catch up.” Cassandra called. They made it in record time to Varian’s home in Old Corona. Max whinnied, pointing with his snout to Varian’s lab. The group gathered by the door.

“Okay, we need a plan.” Rapunzel said, trying to keep a level head. When Cass has kidnapped Varian she knew she wouldn’t hurt him. Andrew on the other hand had explicitly tried to kill him, there was no telling what they’d walk into.

“Here’s your fucking plan.” Cassandra said, kicking down the door, her sword at the ready. The room was empty, except for Varian hanging from the remains of the amber. His head was hanging limply against his chest, a knife sticking out from his stomach, and various colored chemicals covered his body. “Get him out of here. I’ll take care of Andrew.” Cassandra instructed, positive the jackass was still here. She was proven right a few seconds later when smoke filled the room and she reacted just in time to block Andrew’s sword with her own.

“Long time no see, Cassie.” Andrew laughed.

“Not long enough.” Cassandra shot back, ducking into the smoke to sweep at his feet. He jumped over her attack, lunging forward. She rolled to the side, picking up a stray pair of googles and placing them over her eyes. She was surprised how much of a difference they made in her visibility, lunging at Andrew again. This time she disarmed him, his sword clattering to the ground as the smoke disappeared. She pushed the googles up into her hair, brining her sword back to end him.

“Cass!” Rapunzel called, a desperate look in her eyes. Eugene was carrying Varian, giving her the same look as his fiancé. For a second she wished she was still in possession of the moonstone. Then she wouldn’t have hesitated, then she would have been done with him forever. But she wasn’t, and she was trying to be better.

She grabbed Andrew by the front of his shirt bringing him close enough so he could see the absolute hatred burning in her eyes. “Only I get to kidnap Varian.” She snarled, slamming his head back into the wall. The amount of blood that pooled beneath him was concerning, but she knew her own strength and unfortunately he would live. “He won’t be waking up anytime soon. Have Stan and Pete collect him. Let’s get Varian to the doctor.”

Typically Eugene would argue with her, he was too shocked now to do so. So he simply nodded and guided Rapunzel out of the room, his top priority getting Varian help.

Cassandra was the only one still up when Varian came to. He shot up in the bed, eyes frantically darting around. Her hands hovered above his shoulders, wanting to comfort him but knowing it would hurt if she actually touched him. “Hey, Var, it’s me. You’re safe.”

Slowly his eyes focused on her, his breathing slowing slightly. “C-Cass?” He managed to get out, sounding breathless.

“Yeah, I’m here.” She said, placing her hand on the bed next to his. He lunged at her, wrapping his arms around her tightly as if she would disappear at any moment. She awkwardly patted his back as he sobbed into her shoulder. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” She held him until he inevitably fell back asleep. She ran her hand through his hair. They would be okay, they would all be okay.

#tangled the series #varian #bad things happen bingo #Andrew #cassandra #eugene fitzherbert #Rapunzel #blood #torture #violence #varian whump

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alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer · 5 years ago

Text

Ghosts of the Shadow Market Review!

My first book of the Read to Roll challenge is Ghosts of the Shadow Market by Cassandra Clare, Sarah Rees Brennan, Maureen Johnson, Kelly Link, and Robin Wasserman.

Look at Jem! I love my son!

Here we are at the pond! Fun fact: Cassandra Clare allegedly lives in the town next to mine. I kinda really hate it.

I actually finished reading this a while ago, but I got caught up with school and the library book is due tomorrow, so I guess we’re doing this review tonight, bitches!

First: I LOVED this book!! I have my issues with CC and it took me literally took me like 9 months to finish reading QOAAD (which I also enjoyed, I just couldn’t get through) but I FLEW through this book! I think maybe the short story format just fits my brain a bit better. I’m gonna break this down by story:

Cast Long Shadows

Matthew!! My child!! I want to hug you so much!!

This story stood out to me as particularly hopeless, especially compared to the rest of the stories. It ended in total despair, and I understand Matthew did something VERY VERY BAD but he is a dumb child and dumb 15 year olds do a lot of dumb things so

I really hope he gets some sort of resolution in TLH

This bitch deserves happiness

Also he’s defo not straight?? like no straight boi is THAT into oscar wilde

i kinda ship him with thomas

Every Exquisite Thing

SOOO PURE!!!!!

WE STAN SUPPORTIVE PARENTS!!!!!!!!!

This story was like a breath of fresh air compared to the last

It doesn’t really connect to the overarching plot at ALL (every other story does, correct me if I’m wrong) but i’m okay with it because anna lightwood is incredible and deserves all of the respect

the only bit that kinda not really relates is the talk about tessa’s demon parent? which is lowkey implied to be like... actually satan?? ahhhh????

That last bit with Cecily was just so beautiful. again.

I TOLD YOU THE BLUE WAISTCOAT WAS THE ONE

I’m just imagining them just in bed one night and one of them was like ‘our daughter hecka gay’ ‘what should we do’ ‘well we gotta buy her a suit that actually fits her obv. she can’t keep walking around in clothes that don’t fit, also they’re gross’ ‘i actually already went to the tailor down the block and made a list of the ones i think she would look best in’

I know ariadne broke annas heart but also i feel really bad for her. being a brown lesbian in 2019 is hard enough. she lost her parents and she doesn’t want to lose what she has left. i hope she also gets some sort of closure in TLH. i would be content with her and charlie having a charlotte and henry thing going minus the pining and falling in love. they’re married but it’s just business and they can pursue whomever on the side

also isabelle do you realize that necklace you’re wearing was once owned by queer QUEEN anna lightwood?????

Learn About Loss

this story was a little slow, but very necessary for introducing the lost herondale plot

emilia is so fucking badass

the last scene with will and jem was so pure and wholesome. i’m so mad that they were robbed of so much time together.

A Deeper Love

this story was just anxiety

like obv i knew jem wasn’t going to die but the CLIMAX

can kit pls have some heart to heart with catarina in twp! like she deserves some closure! like she can just tell him some stories and he can understand a bit more of where he comes from

jem deserves all of the hugs

i just want to scream YOU GET MARRIED! YOU HAVE A CHILD! IT WILL HAPPEN!

The Wicked Ones

this story was,, uh,, something

i’d say it ties with cast long shadows as the most depressing

so basically, celine was horribly abused her entire life by the people who should have taken care of her, her trauma was exploited by another abuser so that she too became incredibly manipulative and potentially abusive, and then she killed herself (was murdered?) and her child was ripped from her corpse to be abused throughout his entire childhood as well

it was cute seeing kit’s parents! they were so cute! what happened.

Son of the Dawn

baby alec! baby izzy! baby jace! baby baby max!

i’m not a big jace fan, but ugh i just wanted him to get the love that every child deserves!

i can’t believe raphael santiago was alec lightwood’s sexual awakening

“brother let him see my rack-ariah”

lily chen deserves the whole goddamn world

jem CARVED WILL’S INITIALS INTO HIS STAFF

FULL HOMO

The Land I Lost

gotta admit that i wasn’t too hype about this one bc i’m kinda tired of all of the malec narratives, but it was cute

“JEM I’D-LOVE-TO-CLIMB-’EM-CARSTAIRS” (this has to be my favorite)

once again i love lily chen with all my heart and she deserves all of the happiness and none of the shit that the world has given her

also??? lily breathed, “cortana.” this girl was GAY for CORDELIA CARSTAIRS

BLESS THE COME AND STARE FAMILY

i love how this small child who hates everyone just physically attached himself to alec and would not let go

cordelia carstairs was lily’s sexual awakening and you can’t change my mind

SLEEP LILY I’LL WATCH THE DOORS alec lightwood being the PAL lily deserves

THAT BITCH! poor matthew. he was still dumb but he was played by some bitch who couldn’t separate her person grudges and an entire race of people

i love how magnus saw this child run into his home with alec nowhere in sight and was like “guess he’s my son now”

Through Blood, Through Fire

rosemary ;_;

that’s so fucking depressing like you abandoned your family and it bought them like 3 days max

i think it’s a little weird that tessa now has some of kit’s mother’s memories and is adopting him but also i guess it’s kinda nice?

both jem and tessa have actually almost died searching for you, kit, and i don’t think either regret a single thing they did to lead themselves to you

jem and tessa are in LOVE and they’re having a BABY

The Lost World

JEM AND TESSA ARE IN LOVE AND THEY’RE HAVING A BABY

ty u really did fuck up didn’t u

but he’s got a pet now so that’s nice

livvy ;_;

i really hope they find a way to release her in twp

i don’t think ty wants it, but things will come to a head. she’s not happy as a ghost.

kit and ty are so fucking dumb just talk to each other!!

it’s so fitting that kit gave them the heron pendant

both in a sense of continuity and in the complexities of his feelings - on one hand it belonged to his mother, someone cared very much about him but on the other, it failed to save her

Forever Fallen

i ship kit with a family that loves him

jem just talks to him and is just internally like ‘wtf has everyone in your life done wrong’

jem and tessa: you are WORTHY and DESERVING of LOVE, BITCH!

i want all of the domestic herondale-carstairs family

i think i read the scene where jem and tessa put all of their stuff in kit’s room like 10 times it had me so shook

“WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS HOUSE MORE PRECIOUS TO US THAN YOU”

WE STAN SUPPORTIVE PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Janus is as annoying as real jace

lily be safe bby ily this is gonna end baaaaad

the scene at the end where jem tells kit that where there is love there is no need for gratitude also has me shook bc we’ve been talking about this a lot in my spanish class, about how so many of us are trained to be complacent and to show gratitude for things that should be a given

Overall, I really enjoyed the book even though some parts bored me and I kinda skimmed through. I’m reading Girls of Paper and Fire now, so we’ll see when I finish that!

#ghosts of the shadow market #gotsm #cassandra clare #readtoroll #read to roll #readathon #booklr

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makbuleatcarolineoi04insura-blog · 5 years ago

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What’s a good high school affordable sports car?””

What s a good high school affordable sports car?

So I m in high school now but still have a bit to go till I get my first car my budget is max 8 grand and I really would like a decent sports car something that s either rwd or awd and has around 250 to 400hp in that range any suggestions?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :INSURECOMPAREQUOTES.US

SOURCES:

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hiddlesgirl · 7 years ago

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SH 213: Those of Demon Blood

I thought this was another great episode, 2B is shaping up to be fantastic; they confronted several major issues in this episode which I think they handled really well. I only had one main issue, but I remain hopeful for future episodes. Magnus is killing me again, the Downworlders are amazing and we end with a big shock.

We begin with Clary and Simon in the Hunter’s Moon, she had booked him a gig. I think that it is a cute moment and very sweet, it is showing that Clary is still very supportive of Simon following his ambitions and wants to help him; trying to boost his confidence. She is encouraging him to not give up on his dream even though he is solo now. I am still unsure of them as a couple because I know that it will probably end badly, but there scenes are mostly very cute; Kat and Alberto always work well together.

I really like the Jace and Maia dynamic, she never stands for any of his cocky behaviour and they are quite similar; headstrong, stubborn and want to do what they think is right. They both, also, have feelings for someone who is in a relationship with someone else; they can relate to wanting someone they can’t have. I love when Kaelie pours her drink on Jace, I laugh and Maia laughs which makes me smile more; I also love her line ‘Rejection is so much more fun when it’s happening to you’. She also grounds Jace by reminding him that hitting on Downworlders isn’t a good idea right now because many of them don’t trust or like him. You can see his change in expression, I think that he is beginning to process what happened and his feeling about it, and sometimes he even manages to put it out of his mind for a while. So for that moment he had forgotten that so many people hate him because his mistake cost the lives of their friends and family, it is going to take a long time and hard work to regain their trust.

You can tell that there are a lot of unresolved feelings between Clary and Jace when they share a look across the bar. We know that Jace still has romantic feelings for Clary, but also that he wants her to be happy with Simon, he also doesn’t want to tread on Simon’s toes now that they have become friends. It seems that Clary may still have some unresolved feelings for Jace and the fall out of that is not going to be pretty, especially for Simon.

We find out that Max is moving into the New York Institute, all the Lightwood siblings are going to be under one roof which is bound to be exciting and interesting. Izzy is going to be in charge of his training which she is nervous about because she still isn’t feeling like herself, she doesn’t want to mess up her little brother’s training. I love that Alec is showing her support and trust; he knows that she is capable of training Max and wants to show her that he believes in her and her abilities. Also, having a role to fill might help her recovery by giving her focus and drive.

Simon is confronted with a few vampires outside the Jade Wolf; they want to be in his clan and for him to be their leader. They tell him about the story of a great vampire leader that could walk in the sun; it is clear that they are in awe of Simon and are treating him almost like a messiah to them. It will be very interesting to see how this affects Simon’s standing with the rest of the vampires, especially Raphael as more vampires learn of his Daylighter status.

I really love Simon and Luke’s talk; Luke wants to make sure that Simon is in control of his blood lust around Clary. Luke has seen Downworlders lose control of their impulses and doesn’t want that to happen to Simon, especially around Clary. Not only is he trying to protect Clary, but also Simon; he doesn’t want Simon to get overconfident and do something that he would regret. Simon thinks Luke is talking about safe sex, which is a very logically assumption. I found that whole exchange very funny but also endearing; they both tried to carry on with them conversation despite being uncomfortable, and they did so because they both wanted to make sure Clary is safe with Simon.

Jace and Alec ask Luke to come to the Institute regarding the murder of a Shadowhunter, they use a harsh, loud tone when they say a wolf killed the Shadowhunter. They definitely need to learn a bit more sensitivity and tact after what happened; they could cause a fight by being too brash to Downworlders considering that their (Shadowhunters) actions caused the deaths of hundreds of Downworlders not that long ago. Also, can they learn some manners? Would it have hurt them to ask Luke politely, with a please, rather than demanding his presence. Come on guys, I know you were raised in a racist community but you have all come so far in unlearning that ignorance please learn some manners.

I liked the scene between Jace and Imogen when she tells him a little about his parents, Jace finally knows where he comes from and it is only natural that he would want to learn more about his parents. You can also see that he is being pulled more and more into Imogen’s orbit; he wants so much to be part of a family. Also, I just wanna mention why the hell have they not DNA tested Jace and Imogen just to make 100% sure he is related to her, I know about the ring and everything, but they are DNA testing Downworlders so surely it wouldn’t take much to do a test of them. You know, just to be sure, but okay, whatever.

I then lost my shit when she appointed him the Head of the Institute effective after she leaves, Jace is not suitable to be Head, he is not a leader; but I like that they are dealing with the issue of nepotism. Jace is only being given the job because of his relation to her, is they were not related he would never had been considered for the job, just based on his history since Clary arrived, never mind if he was actual leader material or not.

I really feel for Alec, he has worked his whole life towards the goal of becoming Head but has to watches Jace just gets it handed to him. I love that Alec makes a point of saying that he would never had been appointed because he is dating a Downworlder (referring to the racism within the Clave and Shadowhunter community) and that, that person is a man (referring to their homophobia). Alec has come so far, he is so resigned to the fact that he is not going to be able to reach his goals because of who he is and who he loves. I think that this is a really important topic and mirrors real life and the racism and homophobia that people experience in the workplace, and everywhere else, on a daily basis. Also, despite being disappointed he is still happy for Jace, happy that his brother knows who he is and is finally regaining a good reputation; if he can’t be head then he is glad someone he loves gets it.

Izzy admits to Jace that she is a Yin Fen addict, I think that this was an amazingly strong moment for Izzy, to be able to look Jace in the eyes and tell him is extremely brave. She is admitting that she had a problem and she working to get better, I think that it was empowering for her to say it out loud.

Alec goes to Magnus’ apartment and is greeted with a very fabulous Magnus, sparkly jacket, pink eye shadow and new highlights. We all know that it is a way of Magnus coping with what happened to him, his is putting up his armour to protect himself while he is still so vulnerable; also his appearance is something he has control over. He needs that feeling of control after his feeling of helplessness during his ordeal; it is a coping mechanism and source of comfort.

I love the hello kiss that Magnus initiates, it is the first kiss that we have seen Magnus initiate and I think it might be a small indicator that Magnus wants, needs and is hoping for some form of comfort from Alec. Once it becomes clear that Alec is here on business Magnus’ face drops, he is disappointed that Alec hasn’t come to see him but because he needs something. I really feel for Magnus because right now he needs comfort and care but yet again helping the Shadowhunters and the Clave seems to take precedence.

Alec asks Magnus for a DNA sample to clear his name in the murder of more Shadowhunters, Magnus initially resists; he doesn’t understand why he has to provide DNA despite him not actually being accused of anything. He thought that Alec trusted him, knew that Magnus would never hurt someone without cause and that his word should be enough, Alec should trust him and not have to ask for his hair. Alec says that he is just following orders; you can see something break in Magnus’ expression that once again Alec is just blindly following orders instead of trusting his gut. From Magnus’ point of view the last time Alec blindly followed orders he almost got Magnus killed, and Magnus did endure torture. Once again Alec is following the Clave instead of his gut and trusting the person he loves.

Alec says for Magnus to not be overdramatic over a strand of hair, you can see the pain and anger in Magnus’ face. It’s not just a strand of hair, it is a show of the lack of trust that Alec has in Magnus, a show of the Clave’s hatred of Downworlders of their ignorance. Despite Magnus being completely innocent of any wrong doing they are still forcing him to hand over his DNA, which they will keep on a file. It is like being finger printed by the police despite you not having done anything wrong.

Magnus, after handing over a strand of his hair, demands that Alec leave and cannot look at him as he does so. Magnus is angry and upset that Alec displayed a lack of trust in him and that yet again Alec is blindingly following orders, he thought that Alec would have learned by now that orders shouldn’t always be following and to trust your gut. The last time Alec followed orders Magnus almost lost his life, this time the Clave have his DNA.

I love the analogy that Alisha gave in the Afterbuzz interview, it’s like someone asking to see your phone; they say they trust you but just want to make sure that your telling the truth. Magnus essentially gave Alec the phone because he loves him but Alec has broken that trust by not showing trust in Magnus and Magnus’ word.

When Clary asks Simon for DNA he refuses because he wants to honour his grandmother who lived through World War 2. I love the scene; it is so emotional listening to Simon talk about the escalation from putting a star on the window to being forced onto trains. I think it was a beautifully done scene and I loved the analogy. He knows the extreme outcome of where the Clave is headed and refused to take part in that, giving them his hair is essentially putting a star in the window; he wants no part in something that parallels the beginning of what his grandmother lived through.

Dot arrives at Magnus’ after evading the DNA brigade, she references the witch trials in Salem; she has loved through a similar event. She knows how dangerous it is to let yourself be known to dangerous people and allow yourself to be categorised and labelled. I love that we are getting different reasons surrounding the DNA; Magnus gave his because he loves his boyfriend; Simon didn’t to honour his grandmother; and Dot didn’t because she has lived through something similar.

She instantly sees that Magnus is upset, and we learn that Whiskey on the rocks is his heartbreak drink; she also calls him ‘Mag’ which I love. She tells him to pour her a drink and they don’t have to talk if he doesn’t want to. I love this scene because she cares about him and wants to be there for him, offer him comfort and support; which he is clearly grateful for.

When Simon tries to stay by Clary’s beside after she is attacked Imogen sends him to be locked him a cell, despite Simon not being an enemy. Jace tries to defend Simon but ultimately yields to Imogen. This shows that the Clave are so paranoid and prejudice that they are even willing to alienate their allies in an attempt to show strength.

Imogen presents Jace and Alec with tracking devices that will put a tracking chip under the skin of Downworlders so that the Clave can track them. Now, first of all, I am thinking that these may come up again in the future because surely the department in Alicante didn’t just knock them together is 2 days. The plans, blueprints or even a prototype must have been already in circulation to be produced so quickly. So I wonder if they already had these trackers and where just waiting for an opportunity to enforce them. I wouldn’t be surprised if they cropped up again, but I might be wrong.

I love Alec in this scene, immediately he declares his feelings on the matter and is finally starting to follow his gut. He knows that this is completely wrong; they cannot force people to have chips implanted in their necks. The thought of having to put a chip in Magnus’ neck, so that the Clave can see where he is every hour of the day must be sickening. He also compares her to Valentine, she says ‘those people’ defining the Downworlders as separate from them; Alec points it out, highlighting her glaringly obvious prejudice.

Imogen likens it to tracking Shadowhunters through their runes but it is completely different, tracking a Shadowhunter is done when they need to find them but the chips would be linked to a data base and the person’s location would be constantly monitored, watching them every hour of every day waiting to be able to incriminate them.

Jace agrees with Imogen and I want to slap him, but I understand that he is trying to prove himself; he is trying to please Imogen because she is his family, his only blood family. Also, the responsibility of being a Herondale, he wants to love up to it; but in doing so he is betraying his own beliefs.

Jace goes to the Hunter’s Moon to try to implement the tracking devices, Maia refuses she is not going to let the Clave chip and track them like pets, like animals. Like dangerous beings that need to be kept tabs on at all times lest they attack. She fights Jace, unwilling to let him go through with the order without a fight. Jace doesn’t fight back, doesn’t hit or try very hard to defend himself; ultimately it’s because he doesn’t believe that what he is doing is right, he is only following through to please Imogen. During the fight the other Shadowhunter forcibly injects the tracker into Maia’s neck.

Luke breaks up the fight, Jace tries to tell him that Clary was attacked but Luke shuts him up by saying ‘It’s not about Clary’ and I love him for this. No matter how much he loves Clary, her getting attacked does not justify what Jace, and the Clave, are trying to do. They are going to end up alienating all the Downworlders and starting a revolt. Luke knows that their prejudice, controlling behaviour is what will start a war, more than a couple of dead Shadowhunters. Right now, the Shadowhunters are trying to control Downworlders instead of working with them; and that’s exactly how they should not proceed.

Dot and Magnus are reminiscing, and I love to see them both laughing and smiling after everything they have been through; they are both comforting each other. I really love the references to mark Twain and Freddie Mercury. I also love Magnus’ line ‘I fall in love with the soul before the sex’ because it is making the point that for him it is not about being a man or a woman, it’s about who they are; he falls in love with their soul, who they are, no matter their sex.

I love Clary calling out Jace, she is angry that he is following orders instead of following what he believes is right, and he is allowing his friends to suffer. Clary then finds out about the tracking chips when Maia comes in after being arrest for apparently murdering a Shadowhunter. I love Maia’s line about being stopped by police because she is black; this is a line that Alisha asked the writers to add and I am glad she did because it reflects and addresses what is happening in our society right now.

I love that Clary takes a stand against Imogen for discriminating against people just because they are Downworlders and locking them up for no reason or evidence. I really love the way the younger generation is challenging the ignorance and prejudice of the previous generations and trying to change things for the better. Clary also calls attention to the fact that not long ago everyone thought Jace had demon blood and that if he weren’t a Herondale he would be locked up too. She is getting the point across that Imogen is favouring him because of his blood, just as she in condemning Downworlders because of their blood; no one can change who they are, and Clary is calling out the difference is treatment just because one blood is deemed more ‘pure’ than the other.

When Izzy visits Raphael he tells her about the time before the accords when Shadowhunters hunted Downworlders for sport, taking their fangs, claws and marks for trophies; it is clear from Izzy’s reaction that this is not a part of Shadowhunter history that is well known. Knowing this it is a lot more understandable how wary most Downworlders are of Shadowhunters. If more Shadowhunters knew then they would not be so quick to judge Downworlders; this lack of knowledge is causing more friction between the two than needs be.

I adore the dancing scene between Magnus and Dot, it is wonderful to see them having fun and laughing. I love that Harry choreographed the dance himself and he definitely did not disappoint. At the end of the dance Dot leans in to kiss Magnus, who pulls away; there has been a lot of talk about this moment and hate towards Dot. However, I think that hate is unwarranted; should she have tried to kiss him? No of course not, she knows he is in a relationship. But they are both a little drunk, if not more, they are both recovering from traumatic events and were in need of comfort; they have a lot of history. The alcohol in no way excuses her actions but take the entire situation into account and you can understand why she took a step too far.

Also, she immediately knew she had done wrong and told Magnus not to apologise for pulling away. She knew that it was her mistake and that she took things too far and in no way held it against him, or accused him of anything; she knew that is was her mistake and he was not at fault. I love that Magnus says ‘I’m in love with Alec’ (swoon), and he says ‘I’ve always been a one soul at a time kinda guy’. It shoots down biphobia and idea that all bisexuals are cheaters; when Magnus loves someone they are the only person for him.

I like the scene between Maia and Simon; Maia reaffirming that Jace is doing all this in a effort to be accepting by this family and that she is coming to respect Clary, seeing her as her own person rather than as the girl Luke always out first. I love that Maia refused to apologise to Jace for punching him, she was doing what she thought was right; and Jace apologises to her. This is a really nice moment, Jace is acknowledging that he has done wrong and is regretting is actions; and that those actions hurt people.

Izzy, Raphael and Meliron find Max who had been kidnapped after following Izzy being held by Kaelie, who is trying to hurt the Shadowhunters because the Soul Sword killed her brother; he actions are not excusable but you can understand that she is acting out in grief.

I liked the fight scene, it was really nice to see different characters working together, just sad that it was quite short; it would have been nice if it could have been longer. I like that Izzy was the one to kill Kaelie, she is proving that she is very capable of doing her job to everyone else and herself; also no one hurts her family and gets away with it.

Jace realises that he is not the right person to run the Institute; he knows that he is a soldier and doesn’t have the leader qualities that Alec does. I really love this scene, smiling Lightwood siblings and Alec finally gets the recognition he deserves; he is in a place now where he can run the Institute with a level head and in a way that is going to be beneficial to both Shadowhunters and Downworlders. I am so excited to see the new Head of the New York Institute, Alexander Lightwood, in the coming episodes.

Simon sings at the Hunter’s Moon, with vampires, Luke, Izzy and even Raphael there; I love the song and cannot wait for Freeform to release it. I liked the moment between Maia and Clary, it would be nice to see them maybe develop a friendship but with the love triangle, and everything that comes with it, coming back I’m not gonna hold my breath.

I really love the Malec moment, Alec tells Magnus that he was right and he is showing Magnus that from now on he is going to follow his gut and not blindly follow orders. I love his line ‘You never have to prove yourself to me. I love you’ and Magnus replies ‘I love you’. Yes, I did cry, they said ‘I love you’ again. Then they share a sweet kiss, I love Magnus putting his hand on Alec’s neck and that Alec pulls Magnus closer, presumably by his waist, but let’s Magnus be the one to kiss him. It is a very sweet scene; I am just disappointed it was so short.

Jace and Maia then surprise us by making out in the alley; I love that they had Maia take control, making it clear that she is consenting and that it is something she wants, especially after everything that happened in the episode. I also think it might be a indicator that they have learnt since 207 that showing enthusiastic consent is very important.

Now, I like the chemistry between Maia and Jace but I am a little annoyed that Malec got cut short so that Jaia could undress each other. If Jaia had just kissed it wouldn’t be so much of an issue but Maia kissed Jace’s abs and he put his hand up her skirt; it has caused a lot of upset and understandably so.

I would have preferred that Jaia would have gone something like, Jace kissed Maia, she shoves him away and then kisses him; we go to a wide shot then the fog distorts them, rather than having the full make out session. Also, this way we could have had a few more seconds with Malec. So that was my main issue with this episode, but I am hopeful for more, longer Malec scenes in future episodes and more equal representation for them too.

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode and 2B is really amazing so far; this show just continues to get better. I’m really looking forward to 2x14 and seeing the Seelie realm, also excited for 2x15 because of the promo pictures (just crying because we have to wait 2 weeks for that episode, not just one). I am very excited for what the rest of the season has in store for us.

#SH 213 Review #Shadowhunters #SH 213 #Those of Demon Blood #SH213 #Shadowhunters 213 #Shadowhunters Review #Shadowhunters 2x13 #this is reeeaaallllyyyyyyy late #oops #i had a crappy week #sorry #but here it is

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