#also fun fact dr was like. my actual gay awakening

[fagbearentertainment]

Revisiting the game is making me realize something. I just rly like danganronpa lol. It’s so stupid and weird and sometimes sucks ass but I love it.

[bittertomato]

A lil late but happy new year!

Characters under the cut, plus some fun facts

Tomato's faves for each month of 2023

January: Diana Cavendish (Little With Academia)

February: Diana Cavendish (Little Witch Academia)

March: True Rider — Hippolyta (Fate/Strange Fake)

April: Psyche Callista (Your Throne)

May: Misaka Mikoto (A Certain Scientific Railgun)

June: Misaka Mikoto (A Certain Scientific Railgun)

July: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

August: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

September: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

October: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

November: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

December: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

Brainrot of the Year 2023: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

Hall of Fame (aka brainrots of years past)

2023: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

2022: Tsuruhime Yachiyo (Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight: ReLive)

2021: Tsuruhime Yachiyo and Yumeoji Shiori (Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight: ReLive)

2020: Yumeoji Shiori (Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight: ReLive)

2019: Tendou Maya (Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight: ReLive)

2017 & 2018: Diana Cavendish (Little Witch Academia)

2016: Carmilla Karnstein (Carmilla the Webseries), Elsa (Frozen), Tohsaka Rin (Fate/stay night), and Misaka Mikoto (A Certain Scientific Railgun)

2015: Carmilla Karnstein + Laura Hollis aka Hollstein (Carmilla the Webseries) aka my gay awakening

2014: Elsa (Frozen)

2012 & 2013: Higurashi Kagome (Inuyasha), Kuchiki Rukia (Bleach), Mouri Ran (Detective Conan), and Chiba Mamoru (Sailor Moon)

2011: Chiba Mamoru (Sailor Moon)

2009 & 2010: Kuchiki Rukia (Bleach)

Pre-2009: Who knows? My memory sure doesn't!

And I promised fun facts, so...

The early days...

The reason I can date my first fave to Rukia in 2009 is because that was when I made a Fanfiction.net account and posted my first fanfic. Don't read it I was young and foolish.

Bleach, Inuyasha, and Sailor Moon were my first animes. The first two I definitely watched on Adult Swim back when I still watched cable.

I used to be pretty skilled at self defense and even have a first degree black belt. One of the reasons why Ran from Detective Conan really left an impression on me.

There's a few unnamed faves that I also had from more obscure anime that were from so long ago that I can't pinpoint the exact years. A special shoutout to Asuka from Ask Dr. Rin! This show is in no way affiliated with Tohsaka Rin lol.

And yes, I do have male faves besides Mamoru! I love Hak and his constipated repressed feelings for Yona (Akatsuki no Yona) and my in-game name in FGO is inspired by Kurogane (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles). And for whatever reason, Fred is my favorite from Scooby Doo.

Honestly, I have to give Elsa some credit. I think she started the trend of my faves being "blonde/light haired "regal" rich/well off BAMF ladies who seem cold and distant on the surface but are actually dorks over-burdened and forced to grow up too fast, with a dash (or a ton) of family angst dumped on them." I mean, do you see any of my past faves being blonde? xD

The college days...

I was in denial about being queer and swore I was straight until I somehow found Carmilla the Webseries (I don't even know how) during the summer of 2015 and had a multi-step process of acceptance that went something like "Oh the actress for Laura Hollis is hot. Oh the actress for Carmilla is cute, pretty, and a huge dork. Oh everyone is pretty attractive. Wait mostly just the girls. Wait is that why I don't give a shit about men?"

Little Witch Academia is not only the first series where I published fanfic on AO3, but it's also the series that got me to write AND finish longer stories. So congrats, Diana! I really wanted to angst you :D It's also the fandom where I found my closer Discord friends. Love y'all, mwah.

I think Revue Starlight might be the series that squeezed the most faves out of me. It holds a special place in my heart for numerous reasons, but the main one might be the collab fic I worked on with Quill, who is now my partner 😊So thanks, ReLive even if your gacha game is somehow even worse than FGO.

That said, the series I seem to always go back to seem to be the To aru and Fate franchises. Maybe it's because they're still ongoing.

Those two are also the reason I started messaging Quill back in the day, so they hold an extra special place in my heart. Even with all their flaws.

And then Lostbelt 6 hit FGO and blew everything out of the water. I rave about Morgan a lot but that chapter of the game truly had a stellar cast. Nasu wanted us to remember that he can cook lol.

Where is my Lostbelt 6 anime, Aniplex?

[vikingqueer]

music recommendations because i have some thoughts™

i don't wanna be that person who's like "my music taste is so weird lol" but i find that very often most of my friends don't really care for the music i like so i thought i'd just make a long ass post about it on tumblr instead. Fair warning, I'm very passionate about MIKA and The Mechanisms and so this very quickly got VERY long because it is part of my ongoing campaign to convince people to listen to mika and the mechs.

1) MIKA in general, but especially My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019) and No Place In Heaven (2015) (especially the Deluxe version!!)

MIKA is a kind of British singer (half Lebanese, grew up in France blabla), and you probably know him for Grace Kelly and Relax, Take It Easy from his first album Life In Cartoon Motion from 2007. He writes a lot of FUN music, interspersed with the occasional slightly sadder song, especially when looking at an album like No Place In Heaven, which contains a lot of songs with gay themes, resulting in some songs that are just a little bit ouch. He's originally classically trained and has a frankly RIDICULOUS range and idk he just writes very good pop music. Also I have so much respect for that time he talked about how a lot of pop is very fake, with like expensive cars and stilettos and mini skirts in the snow and said "Because I walk down the street, and I don't see any of that. I see fat women and gay men. I don't know... That's real". He's written 5 albums; My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019), No Place In Heaven (2015), The Origin Of Love (2012), The Boy Who Knew Too Much (2009), and Life In Cartoon Motion (2007).

For starters, I recommend listening to Last Party, Origin Of Love, Grace Kelly, Blame It On The Girls, Blue, Happy Ending, Pick Up Off The Floor, Last Party, Underwater, Tomorrow and Tiny Love (yes this is a long list but i REALLY love MIKA). If you want a slightly broader palette that's not just my favourites, I recommend the Mika starter pack on spotify.

2) The Mechanisms. I warn you. I am making this a thing. I have been obsessed with the mechs since last march.

Boy, where to start? The Mechanisms were a British 9 member space pirate story-telling cabaret that "died" in January 2020. They rewrite songs to fit retellings of various stories. I don't even know what genre I'd describe them as, but probably folk but steam-punk?? Their 4 "main" albums are concept albums, and I honestly just recommend listening to the from beginning to end in chronological order. A good way to get into the mechs is also to listen to UDAD and then watching the live show on youtube or alternately try giving Death To The Mechanisms a listen, to get good quality live show audio of TBI and various other stuff. Also, it was streamed on YouTube and someone combined the footage with the album audio and it rocks. Really, I think the mechs' best selling points are honestly just their concept albums:

Once Upon a Time (In Space) Their first album from 2012. I'd say this is the most "easily digestible" for the general public, since it's a retelling of various fairytales. So, what if Old King Cole was in fact not merry, but rather a cold-blooded dictator, intent on colonising as much of the galaxy as possible. What if Snow White was a general, looking to avenge what King Cole did to her sister, Rose. What if Cinderella was to be wedded to Rose the day that King Cole attacked in order to kidnap Rose? But y'know, In Space and also like every other mechs album it's a beautiful tragedy. Fave songs are Old King Cole, Pump Shanty, and No Happy Ending.

Ulysses Dies at Dawn You guessed it, it's a story about Odysseus, or Ulysses because I guess Ulysses is easier to rhyme or fit in the meter or something, idk. Ulysses is a war hero of unknown gender who is said to keep something that could take down the corrupt Olympians, meanest families in the City, in a vault to which only they know the passcode. Oedipus, Heracles, Orpheus, and Ariadne have been hired by Hades, who happens to be The Mechs' quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, to get into Ulysses' vault. I didn't care much for udad at first, but honestly it's got some real bangers and the story is really good. UDAD weirdly stands out as the only of the concept albums to not feature any gay relationships, per se. Fave songs are Riddle of the Sphinx, Favoured Son, and Underworld Blues.

High Noon over Camelot This is my favourite mehcs album. So basically, this is Arthurian legend, but it's a space western and Jonny D'Ville does a bad southern accent. This is the story of the cowboy lovers Arther, Lancelot, and Guinevere searching for the Galfridian Restricted Acces Interface Login, or GRAIL, in order to stop their world from falling into the sun. Meanwhile, Mordred and Gawaine are ruling Camelot, and Mordred has convinced Gawaine to try to establish peace with the Saxons by whom Mordred was raised, but Gawaine hates viciously. If you love getting your heart broken and songs by a fucking off the rails batshit preacher I HIGHLY recommend hnoc. Fave songs are Gunfight at the Dolorous Guard, Blood and Whiskey, and Once and Future King. Honorary mention for Hellfire because it awakens something animalistic in me.

The Bifrost Incident TBI is the frankly only good adaptation of norse mythology I've ever known of, and I say that as Dane who was literally forced to learn things about norse mythology in school because it's my heritage or whatever. I've been listening to TBI a lot lately because it's VERY good. It's definitely the most refined of the mechs' albums (because it's the newest) but also I just love a little bit of cosmic horror. 80 years ago, Odin, the All-Mother, ruler of Asgaard, launched a train through the wormhole Bifrost that would reduce the travel between Asgaard and Midgaard from 3 months to 3 days, but things didn't go quite as planned. Lyfrassir Edda of the New Midgaard Transport Police is trying to solve the case of why suddenly the train has arrived 80 years late; to figure out whether it was accident or maybe it was sabotaged by Loki, who was allegedly sentence to death her murder of Baldur, by the Midgaardian resistance led by Loki's wife Sigyn, or maybe by Thor, who was to take over after Odin, and who holds quite the grudge because he used to be a friend of Loki's. You might've heard the song Thor from this album, it's apparently quite popular. Fave songs are Loki, Ragnarok III: Strange Meeting, and Ragnarok V: End of The Line. Yet again an honorary mention: Red Signal because while Lovecraft was a bitch, his invocations are fucking RAW.

Basically, the Mechanisms do all of their performances in character as captain first mate Jonny D'Ville, quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, pilot DrumBot Brian, master-at-arms Gunpowder Tim, science officer Raphaella la Cognizi, doctor Baron Marius Von Raum (neither a baron, nor a doctor), archivist Ivy Alexandria, engineer Nastya Rasputina, and The Toy Soldier, who is, as usual, present. You can find very obscure lore about the crew of the Aurora here, tidbits on Tales To Be Told and TTBT Vol. 2, such as One Eyed Jacks, The Ignominious Demise of Dr. Pilchard, Gunpowder Tim vs. The Moon Kaiser, Lucky Sevens, and Lost in the Cosmos.

If you feel like listening to a full 40-50 minute album to find out if you like a band is a bit much, I recommend listening to one of the mini stories Alice, Swan Song, or Frankenstein, which are about 12, 5 and 9:30 minutes respectively.

3) The Amazing Devil You know that guy who played Jaskier in the Witcher? I got into The Amazing Devil from spotify recommending them because I listened to the mechs, and apparently Joey Batey from The Amazing Devil is the same Joey Batey who was in the Witcher. Both him and Madeleine Hyland are VERY talented singers and songwriters and their second album The Horror and the Wild makes me go out into the forest and SCREAM. I listened to it on repeat for like a month straight. I guess they'd also be considered folk, but like. New Folk. Also yes, this is another British artist, I don't know why I'm like this. I've never really gotten that into their first album, Love Run, but King slaps. As I understand there's this whole lore about the Blue Furious Boy and Scarlet Scarlet, Joey and Madeleine respectively, but unlike the Mechanisms it's actually possible to find out things about the actual real people and harder to find the obscure lore? I'm open for people to please help me. Fave songs are The Horror and the Wild, Farewell Wanderlust, and That Unwanted Animal, which is literally a third of their second album, but again. I haven't really listened to Love Run that much, and I just LOVE the harmonies on THATW. (also im gay and dramatic leave me alone)

4) dodie I have so much love for this woman. Like many others, I first knew dodie as doddleoddle on youtube. I think I first stumbled across her in probably 2015, because I distinctly already knew her before she released her first EP Sick of Losing Soulmates in 2016. I think I watched probably every video she's ever made in the span of a few weeks. I just loved her quiet sound and was absolutely HOOKED. Also she's actually the reason I got into MIKA originally, so thanks for that. Dodie just realeased her first album Build A Problem (in addition to her three EP's; the one mentioned above, You, and Human) and it slaps. Yes dodie is also British Fave songs are probably Monster, Rainbow, and In The Middle.

5) Cladia Boleyn Unfortunately, Claudia Boleyn only has three singles and that's it. She's been making content on youtube for quite a while, and that's how I first discovered her. I don't know what genre her music is, but I like it. The songs are Celesta, George, and Mother Maiden Crone, of which the latter is my favourite. I'm not saying Claudia Boleyn invented women in 2017 when she released Mother Maiden Crone, but she did. Also you guessed it, Claudia Boleyn is British.

6) Hozier I'm not about to tell you about Hozier. You know who he is. Listen to Nina Cried Power, Angel Of Small Death & The Codeine Scene, and Shrike. Also Hozier isn't stricly British in that he is definitely from A British Isle, but Ireland is not part of the UK. Give me a break.

7) Oh Land Oh Land IS DANISH. I like her early music best, because I'm not that into the electronic sound. I guess Oh Land is just you regular old pop, but with the occasional weird vibe? Oddly enough, I like her first album Fauna best. Unfortunately I haven't really listened to her newest album Family Tree much, but it seems good? Fave songs are Frostbite, Love You Better and Family Tree. I cried on the bus, first time I listened to the Danish version of Love You Better, Elsker Dig Mer because my mother tongue always just hits harder. Also Frostbite is Oh Land doing a duet with herself which is pretty cool.

8) Oysterband This is a live recommendation. I mean they're a decent folk band and all, but they're a fucking experience live. If you like folk and you ever get the opportunity to see Oysterband live, do it. Unfortunately, yes. They are British. Either way, they are incredible on a scene and I think they deserve a mention for that.

9) Ben Platt Honestly don't know much about this guy, but he's not British and he was in Dear Evan Hansen. He released an album in 2019, Sing To Me Instead, and I just think it's a good album, there isn't really not much more to it. Fave songs are Grow As We Go, Bad Habit, and In Case You Don't Live Forever.

and thats all for now. this has been a ramble. shout out to you if you actually read all of this, especially the mechs part.

[creativefiend19]

Raven cycle asks 5 11 24 :)

Hey Anon! Thanks so much for the Asks. I’m loving them!

I already answered 5 :) Seems like a popular one!

 *

11. Opinions on Kavinsky?

Right. Not pulling any punches are you? This is going to be a long one (I’m tempted to make a Kavinsky-style ‘that’s what he said’ joke here, LOL). Just read the bolded bits if you can’t be bothered to read everything (I wouldn’t blame you.)

(TW: some canon level discussion of physical and sexual abuse, but Kavinsky is his own warning anyway, right?)

I’m not actually going to answer about Kavinsky as a Person. Because, y’know, he’s to your taste or not. But I’m really interested in Kavinsky as a CHARACTER. How Maggie uses him to move the plot forward, why was he in TDT anyway. Here is my list, in no sort of order:

A. He was the villain of the piece. Very true, IMO. K was Coded to be the villain of TDT. We’ll come back to this in a bit.

B. He was Ronan’s gay awakening. Really tho? Idk. He did bring the Gay motif to the fore, I grant you. But the sex dream featured both K and Adam. And pretty much anything K said to Ronan about being gay was a slur or a joke or full of not very subtle internalised homophobia. Except maybe when he says to Ronan: Don’t tell me you don’t swing that way. This is K at his most authentic and vulnerable - no jokes or slurs now. Just desperation. 

Also, K definitely has low regard for Ronan's personal boundaries. Although, his dialogue about consent being overrated and 'sometimes you just gotta take it'? I've always wondered if the 'take it' hinted at K actually being a survivor of sexual abuse, rather than the more obvious indication of him being only the abuser.

(However, I love that little trip Ronan has of: does K have 3 balls, is he Gay etc. Lol)

But there is no doubt about the fact that K is, well, sexy – to put it frankly. Not just sleazy sexy, like bad boy sexy, but legitimately has animal magnetism. Even sensible Blue feels it a bit, when K enters Nino’s and she’s torn between wanting him to notice her, with his Full and Vulgar Lips, and being relieved that he doesn’t (definitely interesting that she thinks about K ‘swallowing’ her, just like Ronan dreams of later. Those must be Some Lips). Even Gansey is egged on by him at the substance party – with the infamous Molotov cocktails and the ‘dog’ dialogues. Adam seems the only person genuinely unaffected by K.

C. He was Ronan’s Dreaming mentor. Yup. Because Niall bloody Lynch was such a shit excuse for a dad or a responsible dreamer, Somebody had to teach our Hero, so we could have an actual fucking story. 

Ronan needed an Obi-Wan Kenobi. And how Absolutely Brilliant of Maggie to make KAVINSKY Ronan’s mentor! It’s like Darth Vader teaching Luke about the Force:‘In and out like a motherfucking thief, Luke. And, ah, speaking of motherfucking…’ (LOLL I crack myself up sometimes). So, it all immediately becomes hella complicated and interesting and full of possibilities!

Aside: unfortunately for the complexity of the story, Ronan isn’t actually swayed  by the Lure of the Dark. Or the Lure of the Kinky Sex. Or the Drugs. Or the Violence. All of which are supposedly siren calls to Ronan’s self-destructive tendencies. 

D. He showed how much of an asshole Ronan can be. (Okay, I LOVE Ronan to bits. But he’s not a perfect person, and is not meant to be. His flaws are never in question).

Ronan takes advantage of K offering to teach him to Dream and then just - fucks off! Without so much as a thank you, literally. Wham bam thank you ma’am. In fact, it was Ronan who was ‘in and out like a motherfucking thief’ in this situation, to be fanciful about it. Not saying how K reacted to this was in any way excusable, tho, let’s be clear.

But here is where Ronan’s arrogance makes him a POS. And maybe he was influenced by Gansey: We matter Ronan (and K doesn’t). Or maybe Ronan cares about field mice and people he loves and is an absolutely heartless bastard to everyone else. Maybe this is just pre-evolution Ronan and he grows into a less 17- year-old- toxic-masculine- closeted-gay- angry version of himself.

E. He is Adam’s narrative foil. So, here we have two ‘broken’ boys from horrible families, with violence in their backgrounds. Except Adam is poor and K is rich (and born Magical pbly). But K wastes it all on drugs and Dreams. Adam ‘rises above’ the disadvantages of his life, and works three jobs and is coded for Ivy-league greatness. 

F. He is Ronan’s narrative foil. This is who Ronan could’ve been if he hadn’t grown up cocooned in the loving valley of the Barns. (Corollary: so who would've K been, if he'd grown up at the Barns? Interestingly, Adam wonders this about himself in BLLB). 

So, the tools that Ronan uses to veer away from K’s path in life are the tools that make him the Hero of TDT, if not the Hero of TRC. Ronan is the Greywaren. He will not steal from Cabeswater. He is someone with unshakeable principles (mostly!). He loves himself and others (see Albino night horror, and Maggie actually saying: The Lynch brothers love themselves and each other). He is loved in return. 

And so, very much like a goth skinheaded Harry Potter, Ronan is coded to Rise above it all, as the Hero.

Therefore, K is coded to die as the villain.

That is the simple truth, as I see it. He existed to be the Big Bad, teach Ronan to dream, kidnap Matthew, lose the readers’ (and Ronan’s) sympathy, and show how not-K Adam is. And then die in a literal blaze of glory. 

So he’s out of the picture and not complicating the remaining storylines with his seductive presence. His Fatal Flaws make him Lose so the Heroes of the story Win. He is Bad and the Gangsey is Good. These are all understandable, and typical, authorial decisions.

TL;DR: So, in other words, I absolutely LOVE Kavinsky as a character. And I think he is one of Maggie’s most brilliant creations in TRC. And definitely the most tragic.

*

24. Who would you want to do a reading for you?

Thankfully, after that K thesis, this is a short one.

I would love for the three psychics to do my reading together: Maura, Calla and Persephone.

I would actually be very intrigued to have that ‘Tree of Life’ spread done, with All the Fox Way ladies (whom I Adore) and all their very individual card decks, but TBH I don’t want to know That much about my future LOL.

***

Anon – thanks for this absolutely Smashing  ask. It was so much fun for me, I cannot tell you. I hope it was fun for you too, and you don't regret opening this can of worms!

TRC Ask Meme

[benisasoftboi]

Unorganised thoughts on Trails of Cold Steel I:

So I did like it overall, but I have a lot more criticisms of it than I did of the previous games 

Which also means I have way more to say!

Tl;dr - Rean Schwarzer, Estelle Bright you are not

Also, spoiler warning for both this game and the previous ones

So... the pacing in this was weird. Like I loved all the field study segments, they were SO fun, but there’s also the Trista segments between which very boring and felt like filler

I think it’s meant to make the ending feel more important, since you’re defending the school, but it kind of backfired because being forced to run around Thors (which is not a very interestingly designed location, by the way) over and over and over again actually made me kind of resent it. To a point where I low key wanted the ILF to destroy the school. Oops

Like I cared about Liberl and Crossbell because they were interesting, and big, so I never really got tired of them. I got tired of Trista very quickly

Also having everyone in school uniform made their designs less interesting :/

The other places were all super interesting, though! I think if I had to pick a favourite I’d say Bareahard, but they’re all contenders really 

Oh also the other issue with the structure was that everyone had to be mad at someone at all times, and it was almost comical how systematic it was - Rean and Alisa don’t get on, that’s resolved, now let’s focus on how Machias and Jusis don’t get on, that’s resolved, IMMEDIATELY we’ll replace that with Fie and Laura, then the moment that’s resolved it’s Jusis and Milliam...

Like, be a little less formulaic in your character conflict

Anyway, characters!

I do not like the thing where the character’s name appears in front of them before they say it. It was irritating

Elliot: The one I would have been in love with when I was eleven. Elliot is good and sweet and did nothing wrong ever. Holy Song is the most useful craft in the whole goddamn game. He also has easily the best S-Craft in a game where most of the S-Crafts are *decidedly* lackluster, aesthetically speaking. I like Elliot. His friendship with Gaius is also very nice

Jusis: The one I would have been in love with when I was fourteen. So, the moment I saw Jusis, my immediate first thought was ‘oh, this guy is one half of a gay ship’. I had no clue who the other guy was going to be, but I knew there was absolutely no way that Anime Draco Malfoy wasn’t getting shipped with a man. 

And then Machias opened his mouth, and... every franchise, no matter what, has its gay OTP (its homoTP, if you will) - that one, usually M/M, but sometimes F/F, ship that’s practically got a whole side-fandom just for itself. Up until now, I assumed Trails’ was going to be Olivier/Mueller - but while I haven’t checked, because I don’t want spoilers, I will be shocked if these guys aren’t actually it. They have every making - opposites attract, enemies to lovers, they sing together, other characters make jokes about it...

Like, this was deliberate, surely? Surely?

yes i ship it but like, against my will and resentfully and semi-ironically, because I hate myself for instinctively taking the bait >:(

Something something ‘Turbo-Gehenna’ joke

Anyway, I like Jusis. I think he’s a fun character, easily the most interesting of the boys, and I really enjoyed his development. He has a cute smile

I also thought he had the best voice acting in Class VII, so I looked it up and Ben Diskin! I love Ben Diskin! I couldn’t even tell, I had no idea his range was that great, wow!

I did think it was extremely weird that if you invite him to the Stella Garten, he says he wants to date a woman who is ‘like his mother’. Okay, Jusis.

Machias: The one I would have been in love with when I was seventeen. You ever meet someone who’s like... always right, really, but in such an obnoxious way that you wish they weren’t. Machias. He would have been way more interesting if he was just a really politically minded teen who needed to learn tact, rather than yet another member of the Trails Dead Family Member Club (the fact that it was revealed right after Elliot’s Dead Family Member Club story did not help). Still, he really did grow on me in the end. He’s a little dork

Gaius: The one I would be in love with now, if not for the fact that he’s only seventeen and thus a little baby in my eyes. I do love his design the most. Can he say even one line that’s not about the wind, though? I also like that he’s one of very few characters in this franchise to not have a tragic backstory, was very refreshing. 

I can only assume, therefore, that Nord will undergo ethnic cleansing in Cold Steel II

Crow: oh boy Crow hahahahahaha. I don’t know how I feel now. Uhhhh... what did ‘the things I do for love mean’? I am curious

Alisa: I don’t like tsunderes much, and I found her ‘being mad at Rean for something that was absolutely not his fault’ thing very, very stupid and it did not endear me to her at all (also, like, if you had to have that - a better way would have been for him to accidentally injure her, rather than... ugh, look, I am a woman with large breasts - accidents really do happen irl. There’s no point in getting that mad about it. There just isn’t. I have no patience for this kind of plot). It also bothered me how possessive of Rean she got, I swear I picked Towa over her half out of spite. I don’t hate her, though, to be clear - I loved her plot with her mother and that scene in Nord. And her relationship with Ferris! She’s great when she’s not talking about Rean, basically

I don’t buy her as Rean’s love interest, honestly. Rean consistently shows more attraction to Emma, and has more (mandatory/canon) moments with Towa. It only felt one-sided to me 

Laura: I like Laura a lot. I don’t really have anything to say about her, just that she was consistently good, and I appreciated her maturity and self awareness, I love her and Rean being sword bros, she’s just great

Fie: I think Fie was designed to appeal to exactly me personally. Tiny snarky badass girl with a great design? That’s everything I love and aspire to be! Best girl in the game (didn’t date her though because she’s fifteen and I refuse to date anyone who is younger than the protagonist when I play games set in high schools. Feels weird enough dating teens the same age as my character. Also she had 0 romantic chemistry with Rean)

Millium: She’s fine, good voice acting, want to know more about Lammy, no strong feelings

Towa: I wasn’t going to date anyone, but changed my mind because I really liked Towa... and then I looked at her, and saw a tiny girl with long, light brown hair and soft voice, and realised I just want to date myself

I checked, and according to Playstation Trophies, at least, she’s the least picked girl? The only characters picked less than her are the non-Crow boys (Machias is the least popular, which... I feel a little mean for finding hilarious lol)

Emma: I like Emma herself just fine. Don’t get me wrong. But she’s infuriating as a mystery character, because she’s the worst kind of mystery - the kind that relies on the other characters to NEVER AT ANY POINT ASK THE QUESTIONS THAT A NORMAL HUMAN WOULD ASK

Estelle would have asked

Rean has multiple opportunities to ask her to explain herself, and he doesn’t! One time, she straight up ASKS HIM TO ASK, and he doesn’t! That’s not mysterious anymore! That’s just incredibly annoying!

Lloyd would have asked

And no one else asks either! Some of them, fine - I can understand say, Elliot or Gaius or Millium - but Jusis!? Jusis, who has been there for pretty much all of her mysterious vague magic, and has repeatedly shown himself to be willing to be kind of rude, and may not be that interested in other people but certainly isn’t stupid - while they’re in the Schoolhouse Depths, Jusis isn’t going to grab Emma by the shoulders and demand she explain what she knows? He’s just going to go with it as she refuses to elaborate on things? 

Really?

Kevin would have - actually, no, Kevin would have already known because Kevin Knows All, but he would have told everyone else, so same outcome 

Rean: And that brings me to Rean. Rean... is a JRPG Protagonist. He is good, and noble, and he gives Inspiring Speeches, and he can date all the girls (which means we don’t really get any interesting opposite-gender friendships, because oh no, a threat to the harem!), and he is so, so boring. My god

Hey remember how I praised Sky for how great it was to have Estelle be an actual person with flaws and personality? No you don’t, no one’s reading all of these, but yeah - Estelle is just as colourful and full of life as the rest of Sky, while Rean is the least interesting character in Cold Steel no contest

Oh he has a super powered dark side, oh, well, that’s a game changer, never seen that before except in every 2000s shounen anime. Also we never actually learn the Super Rean rules, so that dramatic moment where he’s thinking about transforming to fight Scarlet isn’t actually that dramatic because I had never realised it could kill him until he said so in that moment

Oh except he’s also an awakener and can summon a Persona giant mecha suit! Because he’s the most special boy to be very special? I have never seen that in a JRPG before except in all of them

In Sky, Estelle wasn’t special. Except she was, but it wasn’t because she had super awesome secret awesome powers and all the boys liked her best. It was because she was flawed, but always trying, and because she was incredibly brave and optimistic no matter what, and because she was the kind of person who told a god summoning evil mastermind ‘lol no’ and then beat him with a stick, and because she really, believably loved her friends. She loved them. And they loved her. Not the player she was the avatar of. Estelle herself

Estelle Bright has ruined me for all other JRPG protagonists, is what I’m saying

Oh also Rean has that whole speech about how they can’t cancel the festival to protect people from an unknown threat, that’s not fair to meeeeee, and as someone who has lived through the year 2020 -  go to Gehenna, Rean 

Olivier is back!!! And yeah I’m going to keep calling him that, that’s who I know him as, and also Olivert is a silly name

Even more importantly, Mueller is back!!! And he and Olivier still have the best comedy dynamic in the series, joyous day! THAT is love and peace, baby!

Sara really, really grew on me :) I want to see her interact with Schera so bad

I didn’t really like Sharon up until I worked out OH SHE’S OUROBOROS, because yessssss more of them! Also, yessss, guessed it!

Angie... predatory lesbian stereotype aside, Angie’s super interesting and I want to see more of her yes please

George is like, the most inoffensive character I’ve ever seen, but apparently he has haters? What!?

What is with these games and naming characters/things French words, and then PRONOUNCING THEM WRONG

I do not care that the official pronunciation is ‘Blue Blanc’. I will continue to pronounce it ‘Bleu Blanc’. Because that’s what you guys actually wrote, Christ alive

I have a French GCSE and I will use it for something, goddamnit

I took Jusis on the bike trip and he looked so adorably goofy in the little sidecar. Best moment of the whole damn game for me

I’m trying to imagine what it would be like to have played this game first, as I know a lot of people did. Specifically in regards to Olivier (or Olivert, I guess)

Like... imagine meeting this guy for the first time as a fairly serious leader of an important faction, participating in vital political machinations. Imagine meeting him here and not knowing about the Grand Chardonnay incident. Imagine not knowing about that time he stopped a riot by riding up in a boat and singing. Imagine not knowing he has a rivalry of aesthetics with a terrorist. Imagine not knowing what I was referring to when I said ‘that’s love and peace, baby’ just now

Incomprehensible

Side note, if you had told me, on one of those warm August days when I was first playing Sky FC, that the silly man in the white coat was actually one of the most important characters in the franchise, I would not have believed you for a second 

But on that subject, I was also trying to work out who a first time player would be siding with... like, I’ve played Sky and experienced Zero (currently working way through Azure as well), which means that my immediate reaction to all of Erebonia’s politics was ‘trust whatever Olivier and the bracers say, don’t trust anyone else’. But someone starting with Cold Steel has no reason to have loyalties to those factions, so I’m curious 

Side note, having played the previous games also massively impacted how I viewed the ILF - I’m very confident that I would have just taken them being evil for granted if I’d played this first, but considering they hate Osbourne... and Olivier does not like Osbourne... that kind of made me a lot more suspicious of who I was really meant to side with

I really liked most of the NPCs in this. I especially became weirdly fond of Beryl

However, I do now also have characters I actively dislike, a series first! Gwyn (creepy old man), Neithardt (sexist jerk, kick his arse Beatrix), and Dorothee (...could write a whole essay on the myriad reasons I do not like that particular archetype) get in the bin

Good god, every interaction between Rean, Emma and Dorothee made me want to smack the lot of them with my controller, Dorothee for being an absolute creep, and Rean and Emma for overcorrecting into low key homophobia (seriously Rean, you’re friends with a lesbian, the idea of the existence of gay men should not shock you this much)

Re: Elise... I heard the words ‘non-blood related younger sister’ and my eyes rolled so far back in my head I was afraid they wouldn’t come back down

Took me a while to figure out, but ideal team is Elliot, Jusis, Machias, with Laura and Fie as back-up

I would like to find whoever’s idea it was to make the S-Crafts unlock as the game progresses rather than just be there when you get the character, and shake them until they apologise. Have them evolve with the story, sure, but not having them at all wrecks the battle flow so much. Emma was unusable to me until chapter-goddamn-FIVE

I loved the Annabelle subplot, and the punchline that the person her family wanted to marry her off to was a Lakelord... I actually yelled

The concert was so hyped, and then there weren’t even any real songs (aside from the re-use of the end credit song from Sky, which made me very happy. And Olivier singing along made me laugh out loud)

TOVAL IS TOBY!?!?! 

Man I’m so mad at myself for not reading Carnelia in/after FC (read it in 3rd), but still - what a reveal!

AND WHAT AN ENDING

I mean. At first

They did such a good job building the tension, and then-

The Crow twist, my GOD, when I tell you I freaked the fuck out... I was totally convinced that it was Claire. Or possibly Campanella on stilts. I completely overlooked that there was another major character with a C name, and honestly I’m glad I did because I have not been this shocked by a reveal in a while

And then I stopped taking it seriously when I saw the robots with heelys 

It was all.. we had a very final boss-y final boss, right? Excellent final boss fight, very fun, very satisfying. And then the game just... kept going. I accidentally stayed up until 4 AM because I thought I was at the end and it just didn’t stop

And then it did. Very, very abruptly 

(no seriously I was making some snarky comment about how goofy the flying robot suits look and then the game just ENDED, what)

(also worst *actual* final boss I’ve ever seen. the fact that they managed to make a battle between two giant robots, one of which was controlled by a traitorous former friend, feel like an anticlimax... that was impressive, honestly)

So Cold Steel I is... easily my least favourite Trails game so far. Again, I did like it, but like I say... Rean isn’t Estelle Bright. And that’s pretty much my main problem, in the end

Sorry, Class VII

OH MY GOD they never explained why it’s Class VII and not Class VI! My theory is that it’s either something about the Sept-Terrions, or the Seventh Division, since Olivier’s specifically connected to them. Or maybe both

Well - I’m excited to find out!

[nobody-knose--archive]

📌 how did you find your hyperfixation? 🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you? 💎 are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

see the problem with questions like these is that i can never choose which one to answer for. for the first one i’ll answer the one i can actually remember for

so i found dr who when some clips were recommended to me in yt in the way that it does. me being who i am, i thought, damn cant hurt to check out a clip or two, and ive gone through like 2 whole playlists worth of them before i step back and realize. oh goddamit i like this show now. the most harrowing part of that experience was when i found sherlock/supernatural videos is my recommended videos afterwards because i’m sure as hell not a superwholock.

headcanons? im doing another special interest bc canon’s wonky enough in dr who i couldnt say anything really without the canonicity or lack thereof being the subject of debate. fire emblem. some of these are kinda stated highly in canon but eh im not a big headcanon person in general (and ive only played fates/awakening/echoes bc all i own’s a 3ds. and warriors but nobody cares about warriors) solei’s pan & inigo is gay/ace (& autistic) but closeted as hell. owain? also gay. severa? actually just ace/aro. no wonder the concept of true love always seemed so out-of-reach (insert shrek reference here). i dont have hcs just for the fates/awakening crossover trio, like every avatar character/their children is nonbinary and so are sakura & elise. tobin’s a disaster nonbinary/bi combo, celica’s pan, i could go on all day but i think this is a big enough paragraph as is.

trivia? TRIVIA‽‽‽ Boy do i have some trivia. not for any of those previous medias though, it’s puyo puyo time. of course the problem with you probably not knowing a damn thing about puyo is that it gives me no standards whatsoever as to what counts as trivia or not. did you know suketodoura’s name is most likely a translation error? did you know the entire series started as a spinoff of a comparatively grim & gorey dungeon-crawler series? did you know lidelle used to be known as rider? did you know there’s a goddam ton of various bits of lore concerning most of the primp town characters but i cannot for the life of me tell you where it’s found? did you know that the conventional gameplay style that allows you to deflect your opponent’s garbage by making your own chains was only introduced in puyo 2 and in the first game if you were sent garbage you just had to deal with that? did you know that dr robotnik’s mean bean machine & kirby’s avalanche are just reskinned versions of puyo puyo (2 i think) that were transformed into different characters for the sake of localization? once again i could go on all day. i love this series.

[alien-bodies]

Oversharing Time!!!

(i just made that title up that’s not the official title I’m just Like That)

Ok so @frogyell​ tagged my main account (I am BLEST) but that’s for Refined Star Trek Content and this one’s for excellent moodboard content and garbage so here’s the garbage!!! I’m putting it under a cut bc it manipulates your brain to want to read through 85 fuckin facts about me more wow I love science

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: Water! off to a great start

2. last phone call: my local Hot Topic. I feel like I should also mention I work there. But if you don’t know that and steal my phone you’ll see I have a contact named Hot Topic

3. last text message: Google sent me a verification code, but the last one I sent was to my brother it says “k”

4. last song you listened to: It’s called The Horror Of Your Love by Ludo, if I had to delete all but one song on my 121-song Best Enemies playlist I’d keep this one it’s Peak and kinda has vore but it’s metaphorical. metavoreical, if you will

5. time you cried: during my latest EMDR sesh! I was in Wales and everything it was a Lot I got ice cream after

6. dated someone twice? Big No

7. kissed someone and regretted it? Not really?

8. been cheated on? my ex had 16 anime dating sims downloaded at one point while we were dating does that count

9. lost someone special? yea

10. been depressed? hella

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve been drunk 1 time and it was when I was playing English handbells at my dad’s church’s wassail night but I did not throw up no

fave colors

12. Black

13. Lavendar

14. Light blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? Hell Yell!!

16. fallen out of love? k i n d a ? ?

17. laughed until you cried? oh absolutely

18. found out someone was talking about you? OH BOY YUP YUP

19. met someone who changed you? yes! she managed to physically alter my hippocampus without touching it how fuckign whack is that

20. found out who your friends are? It’s always the same miraculous group chat

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? sure have

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? I keep it nice and refined so all of them. My old account is another story

23. do you have any pets? one beautiful and talented cat named Moriarty. A good description is she’s got puppy software on cat hardware.

24. do you want to change your name? listen I’ve been through 4.5 of these fuckers, I like Nate, I’m Quite Finished

25. what did you do for your last birthday? invited 2 pals over, I remember one of them suddenly whipped out I Am The Doctor and the Dr Who theme on the piano out of fuckin nowhere and I was like “Daniel what the hell you’re so talented” and then I hardcore dissociated the rest of the day

26. what time did you wake up today? 10:00

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? chatting w @houseofoakdown​ and also editing my monstrosity of a fanfiction

28. what is something you cant wait for? Going back to school! then I can graduate in my pajamas and eat creamed corn in celebration

30. what are you listening to right now? the same goddamn playlist, this one’s called Battle Cry by The Family Crest, i cri erytiem

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? probably???

32. something thats getting on your nerves? my brother vaping in the bathroom with the fan on at 12:30am

33. most visited website: tungle dot hell

34. hair color: I started out blonde af now I’m less blonde but still blonde.

35. long or short hair: short

36. do you have a crush on someone: :[] yes

37. what do you like about yourself: i’m hella smart, my moodboards are bangin, my writing is cool af, I’m well-hydrated at all times

38. want any piercings? Big No

39. blood type: A+!!!!! thats me!!!!!

40. nicknames: my brother calls me a goon sometimes

41. relationship status: im married to my laptop

42. zodiac: I was born on the last day of Taurus so I’m a definite Taurus/Gemini power combo

43. pronouns: they/them, tho in some places I use he/him bc The Dysphoria got hog wild enough I decided to pretend to be a trans guy so ppl would take me seriously, but I’m moving more towards they/them everywhere now. 

44. fave tv shows: Dr Fuck, Sherlock (I’m armed with a pitchfork and an arsenal of beefed up tv & film knowledge come on fight me), DOWNTON ABBEY

45. tattoos: in August I will get a bee on my right arm and probably a Secret Word in Gallifreyan on my left it’ll say fuck

46. right or left handed: one time I was bored in grade 10 and tried to make myself ambidextrous but that was a hassle so I’m firmly right handed. Except in archery.

47. ever had surgery: got all 4 wisom teeth out not long ago! I still need to squirt water in my gum holes so I get all the mushy food out :{

48. piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but they’re grown tf over now!

49. sport: first of all what the hell is this question looking for second of all I have a red belt (which is 2 below black belt) in Taekwondo. I really need to do that again hhhhhh

50. vacation: i went to England and France in the summer with my family as a “””grad trip”””, it was lots of fun but my collection of sensory issues extended to chomping and I dissociated so intensely in The Louvre my mom told me to go back outside so I wrote fanfiction while listening to 21 Pilots and chatting w my imaginary friends and it took me like 18 hours to process I’d seen The Mona Lisa with mine own 2 eyes. Also the plane was delayed twice bc we used Air Canada for some godforsaken reason and I had 0 hours of sleep when I went to the Sherlock Holmes museum and I started talkin to this bust of Sherlock Holmes and then I hadn’t eaten enough and we were walking to this bookstore and I said “I need food!” and my dad said “We’ll get it AFTER” then I shouted “I’M GONNA DIE” so I got a BLT from Tesco. 

51. trainers: h

more general

52. eating: the last thing I ate was chocolate chips straight out of the bag

53. drinking: I got another cup of water

54. im about to watch: my entire fanfiction to take 3000 notes on consistency. and by watch I mean read

55. waiting for: my brother (not vaping) to get out of the bathroom so I can PEE

56. want: Orphan Black to be on Netflix so I can actually binge watch it then call my grandma about it

57. get married: idk I didn’t think I was a get married person but since realizing I’m a lesbian it seems like a good idea!

58. career: nurse and a writer. I might just move to London and work double time to write enough scripts I have some street cred then pitch a TV adaptation of Faction Paradox to the BBC and win

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs bc it means my friends are in my vicinity not Toronto

60. lips or eyes: uh. eyes???????????

61. shorter or taller: i’m 5′3″ and I would love a tol partner

62. older or younger: i don’t think I care

63. nice arms or stomach: what fresh hell does this mean. I’d like a nice stomach free of gastrointestinal issues and acid reflux. not that I have either of those but just in case

64. hookup or relationship: I have 300 many self-esteem issues so imma say relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: AU where I don’t have anxiety and I’m a trouble maker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: noop

67. drank hard liquor: I PUT RUM IN THE WASSAIL HELL YEAH also once someone bought me a shot at a queer dance thing bc it was payday and my friend told me to gulp the WHOLE SHOT and then the lemonade so I don’t barf and I was like “brah this is too high-stakes” so I poured the vodka in the lemonade and took sips and everyone stared at me

68. lost glasses: in grade 6 and then my mom threatened to make me wear one of those granny glasses chains so I never lost them again

69. turned someone down: ya this kid Cyrus used to chase me around in grade 5 and I’d run away always he was weird af one time he made out with a folder right in front of me in the middle of class

70. sex on first date: probs not at this point but I’m not opposed to the general idea when I’m less w h a c k e d  u p

71. broken someones heart: Not that I know of?

72. had your heart broken: c o n s i s t e n t l y in the most fricked up ways god

73. been arrested: no but once I booed at the police bc the local nazis (yeah) were gonna have a rally so we had a counter-rally and I dropped in but there were no nazis except one old dude in a MAGA hat showed up 2 hours late lmao

74. cried when someone died: oui

75. fallen for a friend: Big Lesbian Mood

do you believe in

76. yourself: YA BB

77. miracles: not as such

78. love at first sight: nah

79. santa claus: I wasn’t allowed to believe in Santa as a child bc he was “too much like God” sad

80. kiss on a first date: ye!

81. angels: big no

other

82. best friend’s name: I don’t exactly have a proper best friend but I’m goin with Liam

83. eye colour: blue/grey

84. fave movie: either The Force Awakens (bc I love bb8 and I’m gay 4 Rey) or Interstellar shut up

85. fave actor: uh idk let’s go with my brother

WOW THAT WAS LONG JEE🅱️US. I’m tagging @houseofoakdown @spoonietimelordy @gemvictorfromtheponyverse @spockswhales @raesand and that exhausts the ppl I know but you’re all worth quadruple in my heart 💖

[phantaire]

This time two days ago I’d just got out of the Eugene O'Neill Theatre having seen The Book of Mormon on Broadway (with @slightlytookish!) I am now back in the UK, and timezones are mysterious and cruel things and so I have inflicted my jetlag on everyone’s favourite Elder Price. Wikipedia states that jetlag can have “cognitive effects include poorer performance on mental tasks and concentration, increased fatigue, headaches, and irritability” so I thought I’d be mean. (Once I’ve got over my jetlag and had this beta’d I’ll AO3 it.)

Plus Nine Kevin Price centric. (McKinley/Price pre-relationship if you squint/want)  Canon compliant.

Sleep came easily to Kevin Price, it always had. His bedtime routine had been set in stone since he’d been a young boy; he would say goodnight to his mom and dad, he and his brothers would brush their teeth huddled around the bathroom sink – Lucas helping Ethan, Jack elbowing Michael, and Sarah using their parents en-suite rather than sharing with the boys -  and then Kevin would say his prayers, lay down in bed and think of Planet Orlando until those thoughts turned into dreams. Almost always of Planet Orlando.

And, apart from the one time that he snuck out of bed, and the consequences and dreams which followed, that had been Kevin’s night-time routine for nineteen years. He got into bed, he slept, he dreamt and then he woke up. He didn’t oversleep or complain about having to get up in the mornings, always getting at least eight hours, if not nine. He’d make his best crisply first thing in the morning after he work up, and plumped his cushions ready for the night ahead.

Sleep had come easily at the Missionary Training Center too. The days had been full of work, rewarding and sometimes repetitive, but not hard, and Kevin had always been ready to learn. He couldn’t be the best if he didn’t know more than everybody else, so he applied himself and at night dreamt of the Epcot Center and having his photograph taken with Mickey Mouse. The framed picture of Kevin, all teeth and sunburn with Mickey’s hand on his shoulder - taken when Kevin was nine and learning the wonders of Orlando for the first time – had the rest of his siblings in too, and Kevin didn’t think that it was too selfish to want a picture that was just for him.

He’d never flown internationally before. Kevin had slept all the way to Orlando, and it had appeared out the plane window like a dream in his childhood, and there was part of Kevin, that part that was still a child and not a man grown and about to go and spread the word. There was a part of Kevin that expected his mission to start in the same way, a fresh slate. Scene change and suddenly, Uganda.

That wasn’t, it turned out, how international travel worked. It had seemed very civilised for their flight time to be at 4:26, they could sleep on the plane and wake up fresh faced and ready to start the most important two years of their lives. It was Wednesday afternoon when they left Salt Lake City, and Friday evening when they arrived in Kitguli. Flight delays, nearly missed connections and two plane transfers not to mention the late bus meant that they had been travelling for nearly 42 hours, and his new companion had been talking almost non-stop. When Elder Cunningham hadn’t been talking, or filming – “Elder, what do you think about the fact that we might miss our next flight?” “Elder Price, look they’ve got Star Trek on the inflight entertainment system, we should totally watch it together!” “Best friend! Can I have your snacks?” – he had been snoring. Loudly. But Kevin couldn’t sleep, they had been forever chasing sunrises but he couldn’t afford not to be present, this was where Heavenly Father said that he should be, and Heavenly Father wasn’t wrong. There had to be a reason for this, and that reason would be found in Uganda.

Kevin is tired down to the very bones of himself, but, this – men with guns rifling through their cases and stealing their belongings, a blasphemous deprived people who have dismissed the presence of the Latter Day Saints in their village for months - somehow is what Heavenly Father wants of him so that he can get everything that he’s always wanted. And so he has to work for it – if it were easy then it wouldn’t be incredible? Right?

It’s overwhelming and loud, and the village is bustling and bright even at this hour, and for a moment Kevin imagines that the Mission Hut is going to be an oasis of calm, they are Mormons after all. The Elders should be settling down to get ready for sleep, the District Leader, McKinley, should meet them, shake their hands and give them a gentle introduction to progress in the village. And then Kevin can sleep. Once he’s slept, then he can start again. He doesn’t know what day it is.

He finds himself dancing. He wonders, briefly, whether this is twisted take on a Hell Dream. Could this be his punishment for contemplating the complimentary coffee on the plane? Or for judging his new companion? Elder Cunningham isn’t really that bad, and Kevin is tired, and confused. But no, he is unfortunately awake and the dancing is really happening. At least his District Leader appears to be pleased by it. It must be hard to be having gay thoughts, Kevin admires him. He also wishes that he would be quiet.

The bedroom issued to Elder Cunningham and himself is cramped, pokey and dark. It blessedly has two uncomfortable looking single beds, he imagines that Elder Cunningham will want the bed nearest the window – and at this moment Kevin could care less, as long as he can sleep. His prayers are silent, conducted as he undresses, surely Heavenly Father can’t begrudge him for that, and he’s almost settled into blissful silence, when Elder Cunningham starts talking. And Kevin is tired, and exhausted, and starting to run out of patience with his companion, but he can’t not acknowledge Elder Cunningham’s uncertainty. Elder Cunningham has tried to bolster his emotions, not that he needs it, but he’s reminded Kevin that he can do something incredible, and Elder Cunningham’s father should be proud of his son, Cunningham isn’t a bad person, just… intense. He hopes that Cunningham calms down in the morning, that a night’s sleep will be good for both of them and that the world will align itself properly tomorrow.

It doesn’t.

Kevin wakes up tired with a faint headache pounding at his temple, and the day doesn’t get better from there. He should be snappier with his answers, he’s practiced and learnt and he knows these stories and the best ways to introduce people into the Church. But he stumbles when Dr Gotswana starts talking about maggots in unsavoury places, taking longer than he should to pull his concentration back.

Cunningham isn’t helping, and that isn’t fair and he knows it because he can see how much Elder Cunningham is trying to help, but Kevin is light headed and tired. The noise of a gunshot is enough to startle him into semi-consciousness. The sensation of blood is a strange one, warm and tacky. When he yawns he gets blood on his palm. He was standing in front of Elder Cunningham when the General shot the village’s butcher in the face – Kevin can’t remember his name, and he wants to cry and he’s never been an expressively emotional person, at least, not for negative emotions, he should always wear a smile, but he just can’t at the moment, it is too much here – so he is drenched and tired and shocked, while Elder Cunningham is dry, and alert and why had Elder Cunningham’s prayer been answered?

It shouldn’t have been so hard to work out what the right thing to do was, granted, these circumstances were exceptional but there were rules and Kevin had always followed them. But those rules had led him here. They should have led him to Orlando. His incredible journey should have led him there.

And then, it did.

A Hell Dream isn’t restful at the best of times, and these are the worst of times. The dream is vivid, and bright, feathered and sequined, and horrific. It seems to last and lifetime, at least ten hours of his life has been lost to the redness. He’s almost euphoric when he awakens; fear, adrenaline and righteousness pounding through him.

The village is going to be saved, and Kevin is the one who is going to do it. Up until Kevin needs to be saved, and it turns out that it is the village who does it. The village and Nabulungi, and the pageant, and Arnold Cunningham, his best friend.

The days between the events of the General, and the hospital and the baptisms and the Mission President’s visit blur into one. Kevin can’t rest, and when he finds himself stopping then he can’t bear to stop. It’s too much to try and think, it feels as though he hasn’t slept in weeks, and that he hasn’t felt peace in far longer. None of what has passed makes any sense, his head pounds, his body aches he feels violated and confused and - “of course you woke up, you drank twelve cups of coffee!”

But he hasn’t slept.

When they were seven years old Jack had stayed up all night. He’d tried to make Kevin stay up too, saying that it would be fun that they could tell scary stories and sneak around the house, maybe watch some TV or play games while the rest of the house was sleeping. But Kevin had said his prayers and tucked himself into his neatly made bed. The next day Jack was giddy with lack of sleep, he’d rocked on his hands and giggled into his cereal and he’d been sent to bed early without any dessert the next day. Kevin felt like that, watching the car-crash of the pageant unfold in front of him he could barely contain his giddy joy at the misfortune they found themselves in. As though it was happening to somebody else, as though other people were going to suffer for this, as though there were no consequences for them.

And then, at McKinley’s and Cunningham’s and Nabulungi’s faces he felt the true magnitude of the action rock into him like the swell hitting the bow of a boat.  Understanding, actual understanding, like Joseph Smith at the moment of his death, you have to believe the words because of what they can do for you, and not just what they say or who said them. Arnold Cunningham had created an Orlando, it had never been about getting Planet Orlando, but about making that within yourself.

Kevin smiled, delirious.

When Kevin woke up he was twisted onto the couch in the living quarters of the Mission Hut, a grown man curled up under a soft pink blanket that wasn’t his. Kinks in his back and a crick in his neck, eyelids still heavy with sleep, a dry mouth, a rested body and a ready soul. It was time to wake up, something unexpected and incredible was about to begin.