#also fuck marius he's really shitty

[stormlit]

a summary of BIANCA SOLDERINI, since I feel like she's pretty unknown and i don't have a full bio yet. very much placing her within iwtv's interpretation of the books.

human. a noblewoman in 1490s venice, bianca is a woman of means, famed for the salons she hosts and the way that her house is always full of artists and philosophers; her door is open to all, entry bought through talents, poetry or music, art or deep conversation. she hosts the best parties. she is beloved. she's intelligent, strong, insightful, and incredibly beautiful. she's also under the control of her kinsmen, a murderess for them, poisoning those she is told to by her cousins, or else they will poison her. she does it to survive. they are moneylenders, dispatching those who renege on their debts. and when they are killed by her protector marius, she gains freedom and finances she could never have imagined.

she becomes a close friend, confidante, and lover of amadeo (aka the future vampire armand) both before and after he is turned, as well as of marius, his maker; she loves them both, and they eventually become a trio of lovers, bianca the sole human. things are good, until they're not. until 1499, when a vampire cult with a grudge burns marius' house with her inside, kidnaps amadeo, and nearly kills marius. she survives.

and she willingly chooses to be made a vampire so that she might help save marius' life, long aware of the truth of what he was, and aware too that he'd never have turned her if not for his own need.

vampire. for two hundred years, bianca is the only one there for marius, looking after him as he slowly heals, taking on a role of protector of Those Who Must Be Kept, the vampire king & queen, living in a tomb for them. she feeds on the ancient ones, and grows stronger. she and marius have only each other...until he abandons her in a forgotten castle and then immediately returns, begging her forgiveness. until he lies to her, until he is willing to forsake her the second he sees a long-lost love, until she realises how dependent he has made her on him, how deceptive he is, and how strong she is now. she leaves him. she doesn't need him any longer.

her life is hers to live.

[danielmolloyshole]

@ahubofreadersandmagicians:

Why would Daniel hate Marius? He’s already read the “forced prostitution” and “Marius de Romanus” folders from the Talamasca’s Armand file, we’ve seen them. His only response was to shame Armand for talking abt the Arun/Amadeo days and imply he was lying. Even knowing Armand was telling the truth. Daniel’s bad w/abuse victims generally and hates Armand. Sadly, I think he’ll be ok with Marius.

This got stupid long and also needs to broken into parts to try to minimize how all over the place I am so let's gooo. Friendly disclaimer that this is my opinion but I am literally trained in media analysis like this so I promise I am coming from a place of knowledge. I'm gonna start with my interpretation of Daniel's character and go from there.

RE; Daniel is bad with abuse victims

I'm assuming you are saying this because of how Daniel talks to Luis about his abuse. The way Daniel approaches this topic is, frankly, awful. Daniel is not good at it. However, he is not supportive of it. He calls Lestat out on how badly he was treating Luis, the racial dynamic (again, said in a really bad way but later we do see Lestat minimizing Luis's feelings about how he is treated as a black man so he wasn't wrong). I also think about the rent boy line, which to me was more directed as a snide remark at Luis and his assumption of what their relationship is. Not saying it wasn't also supposed to be a jab at Fake Rashid (by this point he is suspicious and annoyed and staring all the time and in general does not know what to make of him, which Daniel doesn't like), but Daniel was in active conversation with Luis and not Fake Rashid. Daniel is mean, this is not in contention. He is not a good person. But he does not ignore or get down with abuse and instead calls it out into the room, both explicitly and implied.

RE; Daniel's Past & Hating Armand

Now, what informs the fact that Daniel is such a bitch, especially when he is chasing the high of bringing out the truth? Working under the assumption of my previous post, Devil's Minion has happened. The evidence of such is, in my opinion, scattered throughout both seasons and would be a whole other post to detail. This, in my opinion, is supported by comments made by the actors and show runners that imply they have purposefully planted seeds. All I have to work with in terms of analysis right now is the book and these seeds and my last post stated that we are treating the Devil's Minion chapter as canon up until Daniel's turning, at which point Armand would have erased his memories. This implies that from 1973 until 1985, the ages of 20 and 35, Daniel's memories are incomplete. Imagine your most developmental years as an adult are now so full of holes that you wrote a memoir about how inconsistent your memory is. Your first love, your first heartbreak, the first time you debased yourself for someone's love, the first time you really fucked up with someone, countless mistakes now altered. Any self-actualization that would have made Daniel a better person is now incomplete. This includes the memory of Daniel fucking a girl with a bag on her head. It is a shameful memory, that's why Armand brings it out, but as a twenty year-old shitty kid from Modesto, Daniel might not have fully conceptualized how ashamed he is of it until it is used as weapon against him. Assuming the memories begin to return next season, either in partial or in full, this would mean that Daniel would suddenly have a much fuller context of his trauma and why he does what he does. Eric Bogosian mentioned in an interview that both he and Daniel have forgotten trauma and I do not believe San Francisco is the end of that trauma. A relationship as volatile as Armand and Daniel's, influenced by drugs and blood and danger, would hold just as much trauma if not more than the six days spent in that apartment. Bogosian went on to say that those traumas influence how someone acts and interacts without even being aware of it. I believe a lot of the development we're gonna see in Daniel is him reconciling the mean, tear-it-all-down journalist with the man he was at the height of his affair with Armand. We've already seen heightened emotion from his Paris memory (another tangent but I do not believe Alice is Armand but rather that this specific memory was altered. Daniel cares a lot less about the memory of Alice telling him she's pregnant so the inconsistency is odd).  Daniel is going to need character development moving forward. Does this mean he's going to stop being an asshole? No. He's still an asshole. I just think he'll be a different kind of asshole.

RE; Daniel Shaming Armand

I don't interpret that Arun/Amadeo line as shaming him, exactly. Asking where the lies start, implying the Arun dynamic was something of a sham (master when it's hot and convenient, etc), yeah. He's in the throes of bringing down the castle of lies, he's gotten his hit, he's basically high on exposing the truth. To me, especially given how he looks at Armand while he's on the floor, I don't think Daniel hates Armand. In book canon, it's said that he could only feel ravening desire and it is my opinion that that remains true. Daniel was gloating until the high wore off and then he was at the very least incredibly shook and definitely not making a move to rub it in Armand's face that he won.

RE; Daniel hating Marius

The show has set Marius up to be a pedophilic groomer. I don't even know if grooming was a widely-used term in the seventies but they dropped it in there and modern sensibilities make that very purposeful writing. Daniel, as stated before, does call out abusive behavior. Is he doing it in a way that reduces harm? Fuck no. Is he hurting everyone in the way he does it? Absolutely. But he has shown no evidence of being supportive of abusers and Marius has been set up explicitly as an abuser.

RE; Conclusion

Daniel Molloy is not a good person but he is not an abuser and there is no evidence that suggests he would love Marius or be in any way supportive of his actions. This is true in particular with Armand, since it is now well-established that they will have a romantic relationship in the future.

[professional-girlkisser]

totally agree with anon re: the loumand power dynamic and presence of love in their relationship. it made me think- i also rly like to think about like. the fragments of past relationships that louis and armand both bring with them and how that influences their own relationship as well. i think this comes through really clearly with louis just bc we get to see the development of loustat play out through s1 and understand where many of louis’ Problems come from, but i think (at least in the show) it’s murkier with armand. perhaps this is bc i just adore armand as a character so much but i think his instinct to control and violate louis’ autonomy and right to his own memories makes much more sense/becomes much more understandable when u think about his own past and relationship with the concept of violation vs control vs love and the interplay of all of those throughout his life. none of this is to say that he’s not incredibly abusive towards louis lmao past trauma doesn’t give u a free pass to traumatize others by ANY means but i think the ORIGINS of his shitty behavior are really interesting to think about and end up making me feel sad for the both of them lmao. armand cuz he’s so fucked up and louis cuz he bears a lot of collateral damage from it

well yes! armand learnt how to “love” from marius so it is completely understandable why he is the way he is. and it makes me really sad to think about it too. what's even sadder is that he's been alive for 500 yrs, an infinite amount of time to at least face his trauma if not address it. but as someone on here said, he's on a bus that he can get off at any time and yet he just keeps going and going and going. and claudia and louis have been collateral to that which is sooo unfortunate. i hope the divorce is the wake up call he finally needs but idk 🥲

[nightcolorz]

i read through a few of your recent asks and it got me on an armand defense blender so here we are. & i thought about doing this anonymously but then decided to rawdog it so fuck it. this is probably gonna be ridiculously long but i have Thoughts + i have a feeling if anyone will understand it's you (also i'm too much of a coward to make my own post on this topic)

ANYWAY the way some people in this fandom treat armand is actually like... vile. it goes hand in hand with the whole "reducing louis to a victim and nothing more" thing which you talked about and i want to expand on allllll that because jesus christ some of this shit

people have been talking about how armand is Literally The Worst Ever for two years now and that has really imbibed into to the fandom. i mean i was affected by this as well, i went into the books expecting the Worst from him but it wasn't nearly as bad as i had believed it would be (though tbf i am also biased here, i saw armand in a tiktok edit like a year and a half ago and autistically imprinted on him for a long while before i even watched the show. he can do no wrong ever actually)

but that mindset of "oh you thought LESTAT was bad wait until you meet ARMAND lmfao" (not flaming anyone for that btw, i'm pretty sure even i've jokingly said that at one point) has really poisoned him to the fandom. i fully get book readers being wary of him and overanalyzing everything when it comes to him but it's often the show only fans that are the worst culprits and it's a bit out of hand honestly

after s2e4 i legit saw a person say that they don't believe a word that armand said about his backstory and that he probably made up marius and all the abuse he suffered because he wanted "sympathy" (very pointed quotation marks on that one) from louis and to manipulate him. and it would've been bad enough if those were the words they used but instead they were downright horrible about it. i genuinely had to put down my phone and take a few deep breaths after reading all that. like why would you even assume that? i really hope that's not how that person treats real life victims because holy shit

and like I DON'T GET IT!!!!! people just loooove to apply malicious intent to armand in situations where there is none and i don't get it. this is the series about complex, shitty vampires and yet some people still shove them into boxes like Irredeemable Abuser Who's Just Horrible All The Time (armand, lestat), Perfect Innocent Victim Who Can Do No Wrong (louis, claudia) and Pinnacle Of Neutrality (daniel)

and the person from earlier was a die hard loustat shipper and stanned lestat and whatnot and like i'm sorry but only one of these characters has committed dv atp and it wasn't armand. why is armand the scapegoat here? (it's because he comes in the way of loustat) (also i really don't like flaming individual people for their opinions but i feel like this is vague enough that it gets a pass + this one genuinely made me want to bang my head against a wall)

people are just not equipped to deal with 3 dimensional characters because not only can they not accept that armand is not a cartoon villain that is Unequivocally Evil and some machiavellain mastermind but they also can't accept that louis is a shitty person. you can be a victim and a bad person. you can be a victim and toxic and abusive. like.. the way louis is treating armand is not okay and people shouldn't be afraid to accept that. HE'S A BAD PERSON THEY'RE ALL BAD PEOPLE THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINTTTT

and if people are bothered by that then this is not the show for them

personally i am glad they made louis actually be undeniably shitty this season it made me like him even more (& i say undeniably but people will still deny it like their life depended on it lmaooo). and i am also glad that they managed to really humanize armand for the sane of us because this portrayal of him and his character and personality is just *chef's kiss*. assad GETS HIM and all his little nuances and autistic swagger

yeah anyway uhhhhh people stop immediately assuming the worst of armand challenge (impossible) & i could keep going for another 7 paragraphs but i fear i've waffled on enough i am really fucking frustrated with parts of this fandom send help

(also like, hate armand if you will but hate him for actual things he has done lmfao stop making him something he's not. if you hate him for what he did to claudia, fair enough you do you i can't stop you but jfc some of these people)

YESSS GO OFF 🙏🙏🔥🔥‼️‼️ U or anyone else r so so incredibly encouraged to put ur steaming hot Armand takes in my ask box that ur too scared to post urself for fear of back lash! my Armand apologist army will eat it up and I will shield u from the masses ❤️❤️ consider urself protected and embraced solider.

but anyways, ur so right omg say that shit. The “if u think lestat is bad wait till u see armand he tortures people and does animal cruelty and frankensteins kid heads onto adult bodies lol all Lestat does is graphic domestic violence Armand is like crazy fr” meme has done irreversible damage to this fandoms comprehension skills it’s wild 😭 like due to two years worth of bracing themselves for mega evil Armand we have people spouting the most disgusting insensitive takes about sexual violence I’ve ever seen said so casually in a fandom 😭. I don’t think I’ve come across the post ur referencing tho *holy shit*, even in a fictional context “this person must be lying about being assaulted” is an insane thing to say with ur full chest, but I digress. I’ve seen takes where ppl r saying Armand was trying to emotionally manipulate Louis by talking about being repeatedly raped as a child and like ?? 😨😨😨. Excuse me😭😭 genuinely what the fuck. That’s the same thing as saying Claudia was trying to manipulate Louis by telling him about when she was repeatedly raped, like that is genuinely a fucked up thing to say😭. I don’t think it’s irrational to be weary of Armand’s actions at all because of course we were all bracing ourself for his betrayal so it’s not unreasonable to suspect he has ulterior motives, but it’s both dumb and also fucked up ngl to assume that literally every thing Armand does or says is two sided, especially when there has been nothing in the show besides fandom speculation to suggest that this is the case with him😭. It’s such a shallow, dumb assumption to go “oh this character is two sided so therefore he is never ever sincere at all”. Especially since Armand isn’t two sided bcus of non complex villainous intent, his motives and his lack of trust or loyalty for people or consistent, reliable behavior is very trauma based. I always like to say, he’s not like a snake, he’s like a reactive former fighting dog. A reactive dog can and will attack you without warning at any moment, but a reactive dog is so often disproportionately violent and unreliable because it’s learned that the world is unreliable and violence is how it can protect itself. Armand isn’t rlly the schemer type, he’s more of the “lifts his head from your lap and bites your face off” type.

I think that if the show was trying to suggest that Armand telling Louis about how he was raped was emotionally manipulative that would have been a fucked up and insensitive thing to write! and the fact that ppl r interpreting it that way without anything there to imply that is 😭 um. Woah?? It’s pretty overtly explained why Armand tells Louis his backstory, I’ve talked about it before but, in that scene prior to the backstory dump Louis is telling Armand that he doesn’t feel like he knows him, and he wants to know who he really is. And in this episode Louis and Armand r having a conflict where Armand perceives their relationship as intimate and important and Louis doesn’t even really see them as “together” because he doesn’t want to open himself up to that kind of vulnerability. So when Louis explains to Armand why he doesn’t feel as close to him as Armand does, Armand decides to be vulnerable with louis and tell him about who he is (and why he is the way he is) since Louis told him that that is what he wants from him. I don’t see how telling ur partner about ur life (which is made up of constant trauma) when he tells u he doesn’t know anything about ur life and would like to know more is in anyway manipulative or deceitful. Usually when I see a take I rlly disagree with I am at least able to discern how someone could come to that conclusion, but honestly I have no idea with this one 😭. Just, dude, come on. Y’all do realize that instantly assuming wrongfulness or deceit from a scene where a character is talking about their history of childhood sexual abuse does not make u look good 😭 right? The lack of self awareness is insane 😭 I understand it probably feels uncomfortable to watch a character u perceive as a straightforward manipulator and abuser talk about being horribly abused himself in a way that’s overtly sympathetic, but I think doubling down on ur previous black and white interpretation is like kind of silly goose behavior!

until ur ask I never rlly considered that some fans might be viewing Armand as noncomplexly always in the wrong bcus they are die hard Loustat shippers, but it makes sense! It’s also even more dumb 😭 I love Loustat a lot (mostly in the books cuz the show borderline desecrated them but whateves), but the thing about iwtv and tvc is that literally every character has and will date and be with each other constantly. The defensiveness over ur ship is not necessary 😭 if ur so hyper strict over monogamous shipping that it stresses u out to see ur favs in multiple relationships in the span of a show maybe this isn’t the fandom for u 😭🙏. I think maybe this attitude is coming from a place of “I need Armand to be worse then lestat because if Armand isn’t worse then lestat then loustat will look worse then Loumand and Louis will be wrong to go back to lestat”, and like, babes 😭 Lestat has already violently beat Louis on screen the harm has already been done, if ur still clinging to the hope that lestat will be ultimately the good and right choice for Louis u r fighting a loosing battle. Ship what u wanna ship guys, u can love loustat without trying to justify it as healthy or “healthier” then Loumand . But u do look like a dummy when ur trying to vastly mischaracterize Armand for shipping reasons 😭 like c’mon now. i feel the same way about Louis being portrayed as bad making u like him more!! I’m sure I’ve talked about this, but I kind of hated iwtv s1 and a lot of it was due to how Louis wasn’t at all overtly shitty or unlikable and seemed to be mostly in the right. My favorite thing about Louis in the books is how he portrays himself as a frail gentle human-like saintly vampire who wouldn’t hurt a fly and is better then other the vampires when in reality he is really a horrible, self victimizing unempathetic judgmental asshole who only cares about morality because he wants to boost his ego and feel better about himself. AHHHH it’s so interesting and entertaining to me, I love deceitful, selfish bitch louis sm. And I’m rlly happy with how s2 is leaning into this a little more than s1 is by making Louis such an asshole to Armand!! It feels really appropriate with the former slave owner/former slave parallel translated to the former pimp/former sex slave version in the show, and the way they are fleshing out the relationships in the books and adding more context. Louis is such a great character and I like him sm more in s2 lol, let him be shittyyy!! I beg u!! It’s such a shame that a lot of fans refuse to let their faves suck 🙏

and yessss!!! Armand is being portrayed so perfectly!! Assad is the perfect Armand I am so grateful for him, he is so beautifully nuanced and complex and human. So sad some fans refuse to acknowledge that 😭

on ur last paragraph!! Yesss literally there is so much about Armand to hate so if u hate him hate him for like canon things he has done instead of twisting everything he does into being non complexly evil bcus ur making the show worse for urself if ur viewing it so shallowly 😭. Armand has fucked over Claudia and Nicki and lestat and Louis, and if u hate him for that go right ahead 🙏 I hate Marius for ruining my faves life but guess what 😭 Marius is like a complex varied character and I’d sound like a straight dumb ass if I went on tumblr and tried to claim that literally everything he does is bad intentioned and evil, bcus that’s just not the case. U guys jumping through hoops to claim that Armand is always evil is like if I tried to say that Marius was actually being evil when he tried to save half the world from genocide from Akasha 😭 u know what I’m saying? Fortunately these characters r all incredibly complex and capable of like, nuanced intentions and behavior. If u can’t handle that in ur gay vampire show then I’m sorry ur going to be disappointed. God bless tho

thank u sm for the ask ur literally such an icon and I’m obsessed with u and ur steaming hot takes, everyone stands up and claps

[lostonehero]

More Jonny archivist baby

Aurora chat

Brian has added First Mate

First Mate has changed their name to Jonny

Jonny: So I'm not going to apologize. What I said was the truth, and you were really shitty Nastya. I mean, so was I, but that's why I'm in therapy, and I'm working on it.

Archivist: I still don't believe you are Jonny.

Science officer: it is him, his blood matches.

Jonny: Oh yeah, thanks for adding me, Brian. Also, how's the weird biometal treating you?

Brian: Good. It hasn't even gone away when I'm killed. Raphealla has been having fun testing it. I think I now understand your infatuation with pain.

GP: Hey, tell your husband Tim to stop knitting me clothing. I'm starting to feel bad.

Jonny: No, that's Martin he's very happy you haven't burned his gifts like Ashes has. Tim has been giving you the weird novelty shirts.

GP: @ fire fire quit burning them and give them to me they are comfy as shit. Your Tim's got a great sense of humor. I may be down for a civil beer between you three.

Fire Fire: it's only been like a week what the fuck

GP: they're nice, and I hate to admit it. Jonny has good taste in men apparently.

Jonny: Thank you

Inspector: I feel like this is fake.

Jonny: Rude.

Doctor: Well I would like to psychoanalysis you.

Jonny: sure if you tell me what the fuck you did to an avatar of corruption.

Doctor: I didn't think you would actually say yes.

Doctor: Well, as you confirmed, eating my flesh causes others to grow mushrooms, and they were covered in molds and mushrooms, so I made a joke, and they tested it. I didn't think it would kill them.

Inspector: killing them would of been a mercy.

Jonny: Marius, they aren't dead, that's why they are still screaming.

Doctor: ah

Doctor: impressive.

Inspector: you're fucking terrifying why do I even love you?

Doctor: you love me!

Fire Fire: disgusting.

Archivist: I'm going to bleach my eyes.

Science office: I did try to take samples, but it ate my hand and begged for death. They also exclaimed, "My god is disgusted and terrified. What foul creature have you dragged from the abyss?"

Jonny: Marius what the fuck?

Doctor: dunno

Science officer: Lyf has tried to write something, but his phone has exploded on rainbow static goo. I have too much of that shit. Does your insistute take donations?

Jonny: We have artifact storage, but I think it has to be connected to the fear gods to be taken.

Jonny: Also, Marius, how do you feel about getting a job here?

Doctor: I'm all up for something new.

GP: What are you planning?

Jonny: To be honest, I just want Elias to meet Marius for the hell of it. It would fuck with Elias greatly and I like seeing that damn smirk vanish from his face.

GP: We could all do that.

Jonny: Did you scare a fear god that is the embodiment of filth and corruption? You also don't even blow up the moon here for like a few thousand years.

GP: fuck you right I kind of want to witness this as well.

Doctor: I'm not even that poisonous!

....... the next week......

Lyf has joined the chat

Lyf: Marius, my god, views your flesh as a drug.

Doctor: but I like your biting.

Lyf: I didn't say I would stop.

Fire Fire: we have rules for this fucking chat leave the gross romance out or I will come for both of you.

Jonny: This is why GP is the only one of you fucks in my group chat.

GP: fuck yeah.

TS: I Have Brought My New Friend!

Science officer: Oh hell yeah. TS bring them to my lab.

TS: Right-O

Jonny: Well, my Tim will be happy, Nikola skinned his brother and killed him.

GP: aw shit does this mean drinks are canceled

Jonny: I actually don't know, I haven't told him about this.

Brian: Would it be possible for me to stay with you, Jonny? Aurora is re doing my room now that I have biological functions again, and Nastya is delaying things.

Aurora, I'm sorry: fuck you

Jonny: I'm fine with it, but you'll have to ask Martin and Tim.

Archivist: Jonny, get me into your insistute

Jonny: Sure, just pretend you're giving a statement, and you can sneak into the library.

Archivist: 👍

Doctor: so I tried to talk to your boss and a very polite woman told me I'm banned.

Jonny: What?

Marius has posted a picture of him on a banned poster

Doctor: now I want to break in even more.

Jonny: used the tunnels under the insistute.

Fire Fire: The more I learn about this place, I'm convinced it's a cover-up for something.

Jonny: I mean you're not wrong.

Fire Fire: Jonny what the fuck does that mean?

Fire Fire: Jonny?

Fire Fire: Jonny, this isn't funny!

Fire Fire: Jonny?

......

Husbands and a fuck buddy chat

Tim 2: I've been meaning to ask, am I the fuck buddy?

Tim 1: No, that's Sasha. You're technically an honorary husband

Tim 2: nice

Martea: You literally sleep in our bed at this point

Tim 2: your point?

Jon: Martin, don't even try that.

Martea: right.....

The Queen: damn right I'm the fuck buddy

Tim 1: You left a bunch of your moths here, and Bean is eating them.

The Queen: I know it was a gift for the baby.

Tim 2: I do love little Bean. Didn't know spiders were so cuddly, but I want 8 more of them.

Martea: she's my baby

Tim 2: can I get a baby

Jon: you have those fucking octokittens

Tim 2: fuck you

Tim 1: Jon don't be mean

Jon: fuck the both of you

Martea: did you forget to eat?

Jon:....

Jon: maybe

Martea: Brian's cooking ask him to share.

Jon: yes ok

Tim 1: you didn't even use your Dom voice

Tim 2: you would fold like a cheap suit and follow Jonny to the kitchen

Tim 1: no

Martea: do I need to get you two?

Tim 1: nope all good

Tim 2: everything is fine sir

The Queen: Martin I love you and your subs

Martea: Sasha....

[zara-renata]

forgive me if someone already asked but who are your faves from other games ? i saw you played (even briefly) tears of themis, who was your fave ? 👀👀 also dont know if you ever played genshin but sylus and wriothesley.....i need to be sandwiched between both. they have so many similar imagery and the same mbti and it makes me go crazy

no one has asked this yet, and there's nothing to forgive even if they had. i think it's amazing that people are curious about these things from me! here i'm flinging a novel at you!

i have not played genshin, unfortunately. my only experience with hoyoverse is ToT, but I know that people really like both genshin and honkai star rail. I just have always been more gripped by the romance oriented games, with a thread of action, than vice versa. gotta watch idiots fall in love over and over again or else i get bored! but now i'm super curious about wriothesly because of your association of him with sylus. i just hardly have enough time to play lads and write, let alone play other games right now😭.

soo my fav in ToT was Vyn, with Artem as a close second. I have no idea how legal professionals actually work in China, but the contrast between how law is approached in ToT versus in the US was hilarious to me, and Artem was so sweet, the most gentle and wonderful of autistic sweethearts when you expect him to be a cold tsundere type, similar to how zayne is but artem was always even sweeter and somehow more awkward than zayne imo (until zayne's later cards/events, where now he is so, so wonderfully sweet). artem slayed me with his awkward devotion. But Vyn. So on brand for me. Deceptively genteel, poised, elegant, will destroy you with just a few words but is also willing to get his hands dirty and cut a bitch. Loved him. Was nuts about him. Biggest cunt in the world. I love complicated, morally grey characters. He was such a shitty mental health professional, bless these devs for just letting professional ethics regulations be trampled over for the sake of drama and romance. I really wanted to like Luke, but every single fucking card and event about him was about their shared childhood, revisiting childhood memories. I want to see their experiences now. I want to see them as adults falling in love with the people they are now, not just their shared history. And also his sprite made him too boyish for me, I like big mature looking men, help. They made him look like a boy when canonically he is a big muscular soldier, wtf?? I'm really hoping infold avoids the pitfall of Luke with Caleb, but it seems like infold is trying to divorce themselves from shared childhood/sibling history so hopefully they'll focus on current romantic events/experiences in Caleb's evolving storyline, as opposed to just rehashing the past over and over again. And marius was too baby for me, he's an infant, i could kill him on accident. Each character is lovely in his own right, but I always want the older, more mature dudes, and the more insane the better.

I played uh, the other Infold/Papergames game, Mr love: queen's choice (who let them get away with that shitty title????) briefly, in parallel to LaDS, but the amount of grinding to get through the story just killed me. I loved Gavin in that---also childhood friends/classmates, military/cop boy, separated for a long time, good VA. I wanted to love the shady as fuck yandere vibe scientific researcher, Lucien? I think? But his VA just ruined him for me, sounded way too creepy, luring a child in with candy kind of cringe voice acting. And Victor had all the makings to be appealing to me but was just too fucking mean to MC, no thanks, I like it when the men worship their love interest, as opposed to demeaning them, thanks.

As for other otome, I've played a few Voltage games on the Switch, literally cannot remember any LIs from them, they were so forgettable and also the repetitive demeaning of MC just makes me benafflecksmoking.jpg. I really liked Yang, who is unhinged and so fucking toxic, from Piofiore despite him being an absolute nutcase who hurts MC during sex. big turn off for me, but the route was fun and i appreciate a nutcase (as this list reveals). Same with collar x malice: love the sleepy suicidal one and the insane scientist colleague. But again, the MC's desires were trampled all over in favor of the LIs' desires, and i just don't enjoy that kind of thing to the point where I can obsess over the characters.

As for indie romance games, I have played blooming panic and though it's a short little game, I can't recommend it enough. Quest is my big, beefy sweetheart with strong daddy vibes who captures my heart every single time. i love a good devoted daddy character with a complicated, tragic past.

The only other games with romance that I have really enjoyed, with a lasting impact on me, are: Dragon age and Mass effect. Probably the only truly green flags, besides artem and sylus, that i have ever loved: kaidan alenko, pure mature, kind man, and alistair, also sweet, cure, kind but immature. I love solas from dragon age, and he's a mass murdering bitch. Love him very, very much.

As you can see, i tend to like morally questionable characters who are absolutely nuts about MC, but sometimes a green flag just thwaps me in the face and I'm a goner. see: sylus.

thanks for this ask and for your interest, sorry i wrote a novel!

[doublycharming-tetraquark]

I call it New Delhi because Armand calls it New Delhi. Take it up with him 😂.

His backstory is really fucked up and does explain why he is the way he is.

It does make sense that he would be from North India (I am now attached to him as a Delhi Boy anyway). I just wished it was different because there are soo many depictions of North Indians in media (she says, as a North Indian herself) and some diversity would be nice.

The "sold into slavery" also gives me pause. Because his original backstory from the books (which I have not read and consumed solely through people I follow) is racist and orientalist as hell. In the books, he is white and captured by Tartars, I think? I hope Anne Rice is burning in hell 😑.

Also I don't know much about slavery during the Delhi Sultenate, so I have left this part of his backstory till I can do more research. (Do let me know your additional thoughts on it, if you have any!)

My most uncharitable reading is that the writers have not really thought it through either (some thing I don't really believe because they have been very smart about Louis' creole heritage.) My most optimistic reading is that they are trying to inverse the "innocent white man captured by those evil brown people" thing. Most days I believe that there is only so much you can do when the source material itself is orientalist.

Yeah Marius turns him into a Vampire at age 27, because he falls ill. We are not given details of the illness, just that Marius didn't really want to turn him before that. (Also Armand for a long time never made a vampire because "the idea repulses him" And "vampires always end up resenting their maker". Make of that what you will.)

(I cackled at your "Greek god adulthood" comment. Every brown sapphic I know (including myself) is enchanted by his beauty and rightfully so. He is like the Saira of IWTV, where every brown sapphic insists she was made in a lab JUST FOR THEM. ).

I think at this point, you should just bite the bullet and watch the show 😂. Yeah, there is some gore in Season 1, but to me it's worth it just to see 3 pocs as the main leads of season 2. But I will definitely try to write that essay and share it with you 😁.

(Also I just want to point out, for context's sake, that as obsessed with him as I am, Armand is not a nice guy. He has been abusive and anti-black and overall shitty in many situations. But I like how the show takes pains to show why he is the way he is. It is a vampiric gothic drama to other people. It is the "cycles of abuse" show, to me.)

Listen, logically I know that Armand's story is not a metaphor for the evils of Hinduism and the Caste System, but to me it is.

[everyonewasabird]

Brickclub 5.1.20 “The dead are right and the living are not wrong”

The Utopia that grows impatient and turns into riot knows what awaits her; almost always she is too soon. Then she resigns herself and stoically accepts, instead of triumph, catastrophe. She serves, without complaining, and even exonerating them, those who deny her, and it is her magnanimity to consent to desertion. She is indomi­table against hindrance and gentle toward ingratitude.

I have no evidence to back this thought up, but it’s Fantine: te spirit of Utopia turning to insurrection is Fantine. She believed in too much hope; she ended up walking patiently back and forth in a ballgown in the snow, uncomplaining; she turned to riot against mistreatment.

And then we’re on ingratitude, Marius’s watchword and the burning coal inside him that motivates him to do all the stupidest things he does.

But this is an idea of a mass ingratitude rather than an individual one; the individual doesn’t feel this one at all, unless they’re thinking as a collective. Marius doesn’t understand things beyond individual debts, and even by the end of this book there’s no evidence I can recall that he gets any closer.

..And then we get to the march of Progress being the general condition of the human race, and I have to check out again. Man, I didn’t start this book fucking hating the word Progress, but I sure do now.

(To recap: It’s colonialism hand in hand with everything Europe thought the Industrial Revolution would do for it. It’s the force that tries to stamp out every group of people on earth who isn’t doing that shit and then pats itself on the back for moving the world another inch forward. Fuck Hugo’s notions of Progress forever.)

I don’t disagree with his point that stasis is illusory and change is the condition of everything everywhere--but I really, really fucking distrust that idea of Progress looking a certain way and forming an ideology that condones really, really heinous shit. I also extra hate his corollary to the idea of Progress, that the progression ends eventually in a designated place where all is perfect and nothing needs to change anymore. I lived through an era that called itself the End of History; it’s a shitty ideology that leads to Bad Things.

Change, for both better and worse, forever, seems to me both inevitable and less awful than that.

Because Hugo thinks Progress is inevitable, he runs again into the rift at the heart of Combeferre--he even restates (somewhat more coherently) Combeferre’s arguments about the stains of justified murder and the confusion of Utopia taking up arms.

The thing is, if Progress isn’t inevitable, you don’t have that confusion. There isn’t the French Revolution vs. something-something-the-exact-same-results-as-the-FRev-but-arrived-at-peacefully-some-time-later. Yeah, the currents in society are real, and would have been real whether or not things conflagrated at exactly that moment, and those currents are as big a part of change as the events you can point to... but there isn’t some other thing happening instead of that, that these human moments are some kind of proxy for.

If there is no overriding current towards a predestined end-point, people’s efforts to change the world can stand alone as efforts to change the world--be that for better or worse, too soon or too late, with good methods or bad, all according to the values of the individual observer.

It all just feels a whole lot simpler than whatever Hugo thinks he’s doing.

I also resent his idea that these fights are always about the Ideal first and foremost. It’s not wrong, exactly; ideology and people’s sense of what they’re fighting for matter hugely. But there isn’t something wrong about fighting for, say, better working conditions, or for the sake of not starving this week. His focus on the ideal instead of the more proximate and more urgent causes takes the fight away from the workers and the poor and gives it to the bourgeoisie. Which is a problem he has a lot.

And I resent the jabs against effeminacy. And the Obvious Superiority of France stuff.

We’re at the heart of Hugo’s central thesis for the book, or one of the hearts of it at least, but I just find myself stuck fighting Hugo about our most basic assumptions again. :(

[jo-snicket]

Shit in the brick that gets cut more often than not but is so good (or at least I like it anyway):

-valjean crying and touching the heads of his imaginary nieces and nephews as he's put in chains

-valjean taching himself to read out of vengeance and then later teaching cosette to read and being like 😬😳 about it

-valjean crawling in the dog house and then being chased away by dogs

- petit gervais

-fantine initially leaving cosette

-catherine the doll, specifically when cosette just sits her in a chair and stares at her. Valjean asks if she wants to play with her and cosette is like.oh I am monsieur!!! I just 😭💔

-valjean would kiss cosette's hand and she didnt know what it meant and she'd wake up and bolt to try to find her broom and the poor little things work through their pasts together ahhhhh

- Marius's dad and thenardier

- building on that the entirety of marius watching thenardier hold valjean hostage through the crack in his wall while holding a gun ready to fire to tell javert to barge in

-and marius has this whole time known a man named thenardier saved his father at Waterloo and thenardier is mocking valjean but marius doesnt know this crazy ass neighbor's name until thenardier taunts valjean about buying cosette from him and says his name and just ?????? literally what is this moment for marius????? Crazy??????

-"WOULD YOU LIKE MY HAT?" -JAVERT

-before that where Marius goes to the police to be like "uhhh my neighbor is up to something...." and the whole time this officer he's speaking to is unnamed and oh I suppose it's just a rando-no BITCH END OF THE SECTION "YOU MAY ASK.FOR ME-JAVERT" GAHHH AS THE END OF AN EPISODE??? THE WHOLE SCENE HE'S JUST BUSYING HIMSELF ELSEWHERE AND THEN A BIG REVEAL AT THE END???? IIRC javert is fucking around with the fireplace so victor and I are on the same page with this reveal

- that whole scene is so suspenseful and good why cut it

- speaking of Marius's shitty apartment Eponine waltzing on in with her boob out telling him about how she can read and how she would've unalived herself in the river but the Seine gets too cold. Just...victor hugo knows how to introduce a character man.

- the musical gave her on my own and sure it's a bop but not giving her a song based on her "I am the daughter of the wolf" or "I am the devil but that's all the same to me" they fucked up.

- anytime marius is an idiot. Yes believe it or not despite what is often in adaptations he is even more of an idiot in the book.

-valjean's arrival at the barricade when they're trying to get 5 men who have wives and children out but they only have 4 uniforms for them to disguise themselves. We get really wrapped up in this discussion and then suddenly valjean, who we've not seen in a minute, is there in his uniform and gives it to the 5th man. Also super suspenseful. So good.

-thenardier tells marius javert is dead and marius assumes valjean killed him

[actualbird]

If Vyn lets his being a furry slip to the team I feel mc would absolutely be the first and most willing to share her own nerdy (anime) interests followed by Marius who teases Vyn before realising he probably needs some reassurance that his interests are Fine, so he pulls out his ridiculously long list of commissions for furries he's done because as fun as teasing Vyn is he's gotta make sure Vyn knows it's in good faith first.

How does Vyn get to know Luke's anime days? Mc and Luke absolutely had anime tumblr blogs or accounts on other social media that mc is completely unembarrassed about. Luke probably isn't embarrassed about it either but he also doesn't really take initiative to show his blog to the others unless Vyn really needs to know it and mc doesn't want to force him to give away something he might want to keep private so she decides to only show her blog. Except there's no way their blogs never interacted with one another and so, while looking through mc's many many posts:

Vyn, after reading a miles long rp post between mc's account and someone with sherlock in their account name: Luke that's you isn't it

Mc is just about to apologise a thousand times for sharing Luke's blog accidentally before he tells her it's fine and gives the team the go ahead to look through his blog too.

And after seeing how chill the rest of nxx is about nerdy interests Artem shares his own Star Trek days, offhandedly mentions his cosplay of Spock and is instantly bombarded with requests to see it. He tells the team to go back to work but the next Halloween when they're probably close enough to hold a party. He shows up in his fabled cosplay and the team goes WILD.

This sharing of nerd culture brings all of them closer together, but also just gave everyone ammo for everyone else. None of them ever hear the end of jokes relating to their respective interests, but of course it's all in good fun and doesn't go too far. Some of them probably get into the fandoms of the others. At some point all of them get into a common fandom and start scheduling meetups specifically for fandom business along with their actual important jobs.

🌌

irt nxx team locational coincidences: part 1. part 2. part 3. part 4.

hhhHHHH, MILKYWAYYYYY!! this genuinely just made me feel like pleading emoji the entire time i was reading, it's so sweet, so tender :((((

ive got nothing to add, you already made something wonderful, so i will just tell u Everything I Love About This

MARIUS IS A GOOD BEAN!!! yes hes an asshole but hes an asshole (affectionate) and the ribbing only comes after marius divulging his own "cringe" stuff and how cringe is shitty anyway, look at these fucking designs, vyn, furries are awesomely creative and are the best demographic to get commissions from OF ALL TIME.

sdkjbkjBKJKS YEAH, VYN CLOCKS IN LUKE FROM HIS URL. who tf else would have the url theadventuresofsherlukeholmes dot tumblr dot com (WHICH, I JUST CHECKED, IS NOT TAKEN. somebody go get it, bc i cant since ive hoarded enough tot urls HAHA)

sidenote: so curious as to what mc and luke were rp-ing, like, luke is obvi rp-ing sherlock, either from the og ACD or specific adaptations he likes, so i guess thatd mean mc is doing the same but rp-ing as watson. oh my god, their rp threads are just them doing johnlock across medias. LOSING MY MIND, i love them both so much, your honor.

YESSSSSSS ARTEM'S COSPLAY!!! i do a standing ovation, youre doing AMAZING, HONEY!!!!

im so emotional about all this :((( nerds coming together and having fun together //SOBS!!!

this is so fantastic, thank u for my life, milkyway!!!

[mewintheflesh-2]

Moro was most likely abused in most every way. Physically, verbally, psychologically, you name it. Marius was just…. a really, REALLY shitty guy.

GB would absolutely let Moro just sob into his shoulder for as long as he needed to and just listen to him talk for as long as he needed him to listen for. I think during the trial, Moro would keep saying very specific things about Marius’s routines, habits, body, things that tick him off, what someone could do to kill him or to make him want to kill some, and his relationships that literally nobody should know. And when he’s questioned about how he knows this stuff he’s just like “…………” and start getting shaky.

He would absolutely be self conscious of his scars, and would hate having to look into any mirrors, which sucked of him considering he has to be dressed up and made all pretty for his literal career. I think since there would be a lot of bruises all over his body, including his face, he’d have to learn how to do his own makeup and learn how to style his own hair, just to not raise any red flags with any stylists. (Marius did not want him getting stylists.) This became kind of like a mini tag-line for him, the fact he does his own stylisation work. In interviews he’d probably get questions like “So, why do you refuse to hire stylists? What made you start doing your own hair and makeup?” And Moro would just like “Ahahahaha, I just think it’s fun.” and on he inside he’s like 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 help me.

Another thing that he had to learn to do was ice skating with intense physical injuries. Ouchie. He had to keep enduring the pain through his performances and try his best not to slip up. Marius would probably be very vocally not happy with how Moro looked, just to fuck him up more. He didn’t actually care how he looked. So when McCoy would compliment how Moro looked, for the longest time, Moro just thought he was trying to be nice.

HI SO I ACCIDENTALLY WROTE ANOTHER FIC. AGAIN. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I LVOE TH S MEN SO MCUCH. This one is significantly longer than the last and it took me like uhhhh *checks watch* FIVE HOURS?????? WHAT. Anyways warning for detailed descriptions of abuse/abusive relationships

Also, just want to note, even with all the things Moro mentions, he still doesn’t even scratch the surface of what was done to him.

IM SO SAD THAT THESE TWO ARE BOTH GONNA DIE. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYHYHYHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I think when McCoy walks into the room while Moro is getting dressed, Moro very obviously freaks out, but not for the reasons McCoy thought. He saw his scars, his barely fading bruises, the deep scratches on his back. Moro didn’t know what to do, luckily for him McCoy quickly apologised and closed the door, he himself being stunned as well. Those were… yeah no there was no way they weren’t. They had to be. What else would those marks be. Who the fuck did that to him? Was it an accident? No, there was no way they were accidental. He’d gotten a good enough glimpse at them. What the fuck????

I think McCoy would pull Moro aside later that night for a “quick chat”. Moro could tell it was about what he’d seen. He was already dreading the conversation barely even minutes before it happened. He’d probably ask to go somewhere more private to talk. He admitted he already knew what McCoy wanted to talk to him about, and would prefer not to be in a more public space. McCoy kind of felt like an ass for even bringing it up now, especially since Moro could already tell what he wanted to ask.

They end up going into McCoy’s room. It’s an organised mess, blueprints and boxes of gunpowder all over his nightstands, dirty clothes sprawled all over his bed which has way too many pillows on it, a giant box of fireworks shoved into the corner, burn marks all over the carpeted floors, the door to the bathroom wide open, vanity drawers in various stages of being opened, his wardrobe wide open and filled to the brim with various tattered articles of clothing, most of them being various shaded of red, brown, and black. He’d even changed his lamps lightbulb to be red.

McCoy felt a little embarrassed walking into his room with Moro behind him.

“Maybe this… isnt… the best place to talk…. Uhmmm.” McCoy spoke, only now becoming aware of the state of his room. He turned towards Moro, sheepish. “We can go somewhere else if you want?”

“No, it’s okay.” Moro spoke quietly as he walked into McCoy’s room, stopping in the middle of the room. McCoy closed the door behind Moro.

There was an awkward silence for a minute as they both stood idly.

“Oh, uh, right.” McCoy walked closer to Moro. “So, about the… the- the scars?” McCoy felt bad for even bringing it up now.

“Mhm.” Moro responded. Kind of. He didn’t respond in the way McCoy was expecting, but then again, he wasn’t actually sure what he was expecting him to say either. He felt like he was going to pry too much if he said anything, but they were already alone together, and it wasn’t like he could be like ‘Oh haha never mind I didn’t say anything’. No! That’d probably be even worse! He’d just have to speak what he was thinking.

“What uh- What happened?” McCoy looked at Moro, very concerned. “I mean- if you’re comfortable saying. You don’t have to answer if you don’t wanna.”

Moro sighed, looking very upset. He looked intensely at the floor, as if trying to work up the courage to say something. He breathed in deeply, exhaling soon after.

Moro squeaked out something barely audible.

McCoy tilted his head like a curious dog. “What?”

Moro whispered a little louder, but still barely audibly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear-“

“Water.” Moro interrupted, speaking bluntly.

McCoy felt his cheeks burn out of embarrassment. It was already awkward enough for him to bring this up but he felt like he was making an absolute fool out of himself now. Moro didn’t mean to say it that harshly. He shrunk into himself and squeaked out a quiet, soft apology.

“No, you’re okay. I uh… don’t understand though. Water?” McCoy’s confusion was evident on his face.

“…the person.” Moro continued to avoid saying his name.

McCoy felt the gears turn in his brain for a second before what he said clicked into place. “…you mean Marius?”

Moro shrunk even more into himself at the mention of his name. He nodded.

McCoy stared at him, bewildered at what he just heard. Marius. Marius? He made all those scars? But he’s so- he couldn’t even hurt a cutiefly! How could he hurt someone so badly? He could feel a small amount of rage start to simmer in his body.

“Can I see them? The scars, I mean.” McCoy spoke without thinking.

Moro’s eyes widened as he looked at McCoy in the eyes, very confused, cheeks burning red.

McCoy took a second before realising what he’d just said, his eyes widened as well, he panicked, his cheeks burned once again out of embarrassment. God if he could just keep his mouth shut for two seconds. “I mean- uh- never mind, I’m so sorry-“ He stammered.

“No, it’s fine. You can look.” Moro interrupted, looking away from him, embarrassed at what he just said.

McCoy blinked for a second.

“Are… are you sure??” He asked, very unsure himself.

Moro nodded. “Just give me a second.” He inhaled, debating whether or not he was about to do what he was about to do.

He had to remind himself there were absolutely no ulterior intentions to this other than showing McCoy his scars. Scars that were… on… his bare body… in a room alone with him. Um. All of a sudden he was feeling very weird feelings about doing this.

“Actually, uh, can I use your bathroom for this, please?” Moro squeaked, just barely making eye contact with McCoy.

“If it makes you more comfortable, go ahead.” McCoy assured him. He’d already felt like he’d made him uncomfortable enough.

Moro dissapeared into McCoy’s bathroom, closing the door behind him, leaving McCoy alone to think for a minute.

Jesus Christ he’d fucked so badly didn’t he. He had to have. There was no way he didn’t. He just had to hope he wouldn’t fuck up even more. But he was so curious what the fuck could’ve happened to Moro. He already knew it was Marius, (which he still couldn’t wrap his head around. Marius? That stuck-up no-fun sucker-for-the-rules? Hurting someone that badly???) but what the hell happened????

McCoy was pulled from his thoughts a minute later by his bathroom door creaking and cracking open slowly, light from inside pouring into the main room.

“Please, try not to freak out. Okay?” Moro spoke through the crack in the door.

McCoy looked at the door, bracing himself just in case. “I’ll try not to, I promise.” He assured Moro, speaking softly.

“Thank you.” Moro spoke softly, creaking the door open just enough for him to comfortably walk through.

Moro walked out of the bathroom, everything he’d was previously wearing above his waist, all in hand and held close to his chest. He walked back to the middle of the room, crouching down in front of the bed frame, resting everything he was holding on the floor in front of it. He stood up, facing McCoy’s direction, but not looking at him, holding his arms close to himself, not saying anything.

McCoy looked at him for a second, almost feeling like looking at his bare torso was an invasion of privacy. But he’d gotten permission to look at his scars, hadn’t he? Why was he so nervous.

His eyes trailed down to Moro’s heavily scarred chest. The scars weren’t just on his chest, they were over his shoulders, his arms, his hands, and from what he saw earlier, all over his back as well. His breath caught in his throat. He wasn’t sure what to say, if he should even said anything.

McCoy instead walked closer to Moro, slowly, carefully. He reached out a hand towards Moro’s bicep, mindlessly trailing a hand down his arm as he looked at and felt his scars.

Moro felt his heart rate quicken as he felt McCoy graze his arm. He didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling. McCoy gently grabbed his hand and held it as he looked at Moro’s forearm and its scars. It wasn’t until he started looking at Moro’s battered hand that he realised just what he was doing. Oh Arceus.

McCoys eyes widened significantly, his muscles tensing up as he looked up at Moro. He could feel his face burn as bright as the sun.

“Oh- oh my god I’m so sorry- I uh- I didn’t realise I was…” His words trailed off into silence, stunned, not sure what else to say. He still held Moro’s hand in his own.

Moro just barely looked at him in the eyes. “No, no… it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

McCoy stared at him. Did… did he hear him correctly??? Huh????????

“Ah, uhm, uh- Alright.” McCoy felt like an idiot. Was that all he could say to that? Yelling inside his own mind ‘GREAT JOB MCCOY WOW. SUPER AWESOME. YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST WALK OUT OF THE ROOM NOW.’.

His face continued to burn hot as he looked back down at Moro’s hand. He just kept rubbing his thumb back and forth against his hand. The silence was deafening. McCoy would yet again have to break it.

“If you’re okay with me asking, could you tell me how this happened?” McCoy spoke gently, softly, still staring at Moro’s hand in his own.

Moro felt a sense of dread take over his body. Right. That was the whole reason he was here. To talk about the scars. He’d completely forgotten.

“Can I sit down somewhere first?” Moro asked quietly, looking down at the carpeted floor once again.

“Of course, if it’ll help you be more comfortable.” McCoy looked around his room for somewhere to sit. There was his bed, there was….. there was….. only his bed. Uhm. Uhhhhhhhhh.

Moro dragged him out of his thoughts by promptly sitting on the floor, grabbing his jacket from his pile of clothes behind him and huddling it close to his chest, bending over it slightly. Oh, yeah, that works too.

McCoy slowly sat down next to him, slightly behind him. He got a good look at Moro’s scarred and battered back. What looked like… deep, deep scratches and lashes. McCoy gently placed a hand on the back of Moro’s left shoulder as he shuffled ever so slightly closer to him.

There was once again deafening silence, though this time, Moro would be the one to break it, despite how much he didn’t want to speak about what he felt had to.

Moro inhaled deeply once again, exhaling slowly afterwards. “We used to be… together. If you could call it that. Me and him. Him and me.” His words trailed off for a second, before he decided he just needed to push through this and get it over with. “Not fun. He was very… controlling.” Moro shuddered to even think back on their time together.

“It was fine at first. He seemed nice, like he’d be a good partner. But… over time. He got worse. If I did something he didn’t like, he’d start to look at me funny, which isn’t that bad, but he would start talking down to me. A lot. Treating me like I was an idiot. Like I couldn’t do anything. Then he started to yell. A lot. Constantly if I did something wrong even if it was the smallest thing you could think of, he would just yell nonstop about it. He’d apologise later, but they always felt empty. Like he didn’t mean it. Knowing him, I don’t think he did. Always ending it with something like, ‘you know I love you, you know I didn’t mean it.’ I didn’t.” Moro hated the words coming out of his mouth. He wanted to shut up. But he couldn’t. Tears pricked fiercely against his eyes.

“Then he started getting physical. It was just tiny slaps on the wrist at first, but it started to get worse and worse over time. Tiny slaps became full force slaps, punches, kicks, slams against walls, slams against tables, slams against the fridge, slams against the bedframe, slams against the counters, slams against the shower, slams…. slams against the… against the-“

Moro looked down at the floor horrified and scared, curling further into himself. His tears began to burn as they fell down his cheeks. His breath began to shake. McCoy was horrified at what he’d been hearing. He felt awful for making him talk about this. He could feel Moro shaking beneath his hand. McCoy didn’t know what he should do. He only had one idea, but he wasn’t sure about it. It was worth a shot.

McCoy pulled Moro into a hug from the side of his back, wrapping his arms around him, meeting them at his right bicep, and leaning his head on him, just behind his shoulders. “I’m sorry this all happened to you. I really don’t know what to say. All I can think to say is, Im proud of you for telling somebody, and thank you for being comfortable enough around me to say this. Im here for you. If there’s anything else you want to say, I’ll listen to you.” McCoy spoke soothingly, hoping and praying he didn’t mess up.

Moro, who had been silent for the past two minutes, began to sob. Loudly. He curled further into himself and leaned heavily onto McCoy for support. McCoy felt his heart shatter at the sound of his sobs. He didn’t move, only hugging him tighter, rubbing his hand back and forth on Moro’s arm.

“I couldn’t even- I couldn’t even throw something away without messing up somehow. He didn’t even need to hit me anymore, he’d just look at me and that was enough to scare me, he knew it. He- He wouldn’t even let me outside of the house unless it was to practice or preform. I was trapped in there for two years-“ Moro spoke between choked, messy sobs. McCoy didn’t want to risk interrupting him.

“He wouldn’t let me talk to anyone. He kept me locked in my room almost every day. The only thing he’d ever let me do without any kind of punishment was crochet. That’s. it. I had to hide my phone in a hole in my mattress so he wouldn’t find it. I had to use a dead joltik in my room to keep it charged. That’s the only reason I’m even fucking alive. He would’ve killed me by now-“ Moro’s throat began to close up as he hyperventilated. His vision became spotty with fireflies. His head felt like it was about to explode. His body was shaking enough to shake McCoy’s entire body with it.

McCoy. Was. Horrified. How had Moro even survived? How did he even stand to live? How did he find reason to keep going, how did his body even survive anything? How did he even escape? Why in the world would Marius do ANY of this?????? What reason did he have to torment Moro so horribly? To abuse him like this???? McCoy had to pull himself from his thoughts and remind himself that’s not what needed to be thought about right now. What he needs to do is be there for Moro. As much as he can be.

McCoy hugged Moro as tight as he possibly could without making it hurt, rubbing his arm soothingly.

“Moro- Moro it’s okay- you’re okay. You’re here, you’re safe. Nobody will hurt you.” McCoy spoke soothingly, but he knew this wouldn’t help anything nearly as much as he wanted it to. Moro continued to sob into his puffy jacket. McCoy took a deep breath, temporarily released Moro from the hug, and shifted himself to be sitting in front of Moro instead, regretting taking his physical support to lean on from him.

McCoy took a deep breath and softly put his hands on Moro’s shoulders. “Moro, can you look at me for a minute, please? Just for a minute.” He spoke gently and soothingly.

Moro slowly looked up at him, still shaking, adjusting himself to be able to see him without hurting his eyes even more. McCoy looked at Moro’s tear covered face and felt his heart shatter even more.

“Thank you.” McCoy smiled sweetly and softly at him despite the feelings in his chest. “I don’t know what I could say right now other than exactly what I’m thinking, so that’s what I’ll say. You escaped, you survived, and I’m so proud of you for that. You’re safe here now. And if you ever feel like you’re in danger again, you can call me for help. I’ll protect you, through and through. I promise you. You got that?” McCoy was careful with his words, trying not to say anything that could come off as weird or bad.

Moro looked into McCoy’s eyes. He had been listening to every word carefully. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling. He felt safe, comfortable. His words were so sweet and genuine, just as his smile was. He’d never felt like this for someone before. Moro’s sobbing had slowed to a crawl, a few tears still trickling down his cheeks from his eyes, him still sniffling occasionally. Moro didn’t know what to say. ‘Thank you’ couldn’t capture nearly any of what he was feeling.

Moro instead pressed his head into McCoy’s chest and hugged his waist, he felt at peace, though there were still a lot of lingering feelings from during his panic attack.

McCoy felt a giant fluttering sensation in his chest.

“McCoy?” Moro spoke softly.

“Yeah?” McCoy looked down at him, raising a hand and placing it gently on the back of Moro’s head.

“Can I stay here for the night, please?” Moro felt almost embarrassed to ask him, but he really, truly did not want to leave. He wouldn’t feel safe being alone and in his own room.

McCoy was stunned at his question. “I- uh- I mean. If you want to, then I don’t see why not.” McCoy looked up from Moro and looked around his room for places where he could sleep. There was his bed, there was… there was…. only his bed. Ooh boy. McCoy felt his face burn hot. “I- uhmm… You’d have to sleep in my bed then… right? I mean I can sleep on the floor if you want me to, I’m fine with that-“ McCoy’s words trailed off.

“You don’t have to. I don’t mind if we share a bed. If you’re…. If you’re comfortable with that.” Moro interrupted him, speaking as softly as ever.

WHAT. McCoy was stunned to silence for a minute, before snapping himself out of his trance. “I don’t… I don’t mind either. Uhm. My beds pretty messy though.” McCoy spoke, very embarrassed and nervous.

“I don’t mind.” Moro hummed softly, he almost didn’t even want to move from his position. He could fall asleep right then and there, but he knew he couldn’t. He slowly pulled himself away from McCoy’s chest and looked up at him before looking behind him at his bed.

McCoy gently released his hands from Moro before slowly getting up from the ground and walking over towards the bed, nervous. McCoy looked back at Moro, still sitting on the floor.

“Can you stand?” McCoy asked softly, walking towards Moro a little bit.

“Ah, um. No, I don’t think so. I’m sorry.” Moro looked back down at the floor, embarrassed and slightly ashamed.

“Don’t be sorry, I get it.” McCoy smiled, walking closer to where Moro was sitting, crouching down and offering to be his crutch. Moro took his offer. “I’ve had tons of times where I can’t get myself to stand.” McCoy spoke understandingly

McCoy lead Moro to stand up, Moro leaning against him as he did so, slowly walking towards McCoy’s bed together. They reached his bed, Moro releasing himself from McCoy’s support to sit down on it. McCoy looked over his bed, realising it was not suitable for someone like Moro to sleep on. It wasn’t really suitable for anybody at all to sleep on except for McCoy.

“Uhmmm. Give me a second, let me clear my bed off for you.” McCoy sauntered over to the other side of the bed and grabbed all of the dirty clothes off of his bed, dropping them on the floor next to it instead. He’d deal with it later. He brushed off his bed as gently as he could and straightened everything out as best he could.

“That should be good.” McCoy nodded. McCoy looked back up at Moro, who wasn’t looking at him, and suddenly got another giant flutter in his chest. Hoooh boy. McCoy ignored that the best he could and walked back over to the side of the bed Moro was sitting on.

“I think it’s decent enough for you to sleep on now.” McCoy chuckled lightly, still very much trying to ignore the sensation in his chest.

Moro looked behind him. It looked more than decent. He was exhausted and wanted so badly to just go to sleep. Moro pulled the rest of his body onto the bed, crawling on his knees to the other side of the bed. He took one of the many many pillows of McCoy’s bed and fluffed it up, turning around and laying down on top of it on his side, facing McCoy.

McCoy felt the fluttering in his chest intensify looking at him. He kept ignoring it the best he could for now. “Uhhh. Right, um. Do you want to uh, change into something more comfortable?” McCoy asked, nervous.

“I don’t mind those clothes, If you’re comfortable sleeping in them.” Moro affirmed, yawning, using his legs to bring the duck-feather-filled comforter on McCoy’s bed up to him, grabbing it with his hand and pulling it over his shoulders.

“Oh, I sleep in these clothes all the time. I’m more than comfortable with these.” McCoy chuckled. “You want me to turn off the lamp?” McCoy asked, gesturing towards the lamp in the corner of the room.

Moro hummed affirmatively. McCoy promptly went to go shut it off. The room was very dark now. It was a little difficult for McCoy to find his way back to his bed, but he managed. Crawling into bed with Moro, he fluffed up his own pillows and lied down on his side, facing Moro, bringing the duck-feather-filled comforter up towards himself and over his shoulders as well.

There was a minute of silence between the two as they both adjusted themselves to better sleep. McCoy felt a little awkward in the dark silence. He felt like he needed to say something at least.

“G’night Moro.” McCoy whispered softly. He felt like an idiot saying it for some reason.

Moro hummed in acknowledgement.

There was silence again for a few moments, before Moro began shuffling again. Shuffling closer to McCoy.

McCoy felt Moro’s arms wrap around him and his body press against his own, sending his heart into a frenzy. HOOOOOH BOY. WOW. WOAH. He felt like his face was about to melt off from how hot is was, and like his chest was going to explode from all the fluttery feelings.

McCoy nervously and carefully wrapped his arms around Moro as well, pulling him closer to him, and burying his head into the crook of his neck. He’d never noticed it until now, but Moro smelt nice. Like a pine scented candle. A wonderful smell for an equally as wonderful man. McCoy caught himself off guard with his own thoughts, as opposed to Moro, who had already been comfortably drifting off to sleep in McCoy’s arms. He whispered one last thing before fully falling asleep.

“G’night McCoy….”

So I accidentally made it so Moro used to be in a very abusive relationship. Whoopsie!

[utilitycaster]

about to go do things with my sister but before I reblog all I can while riding in a car until I acknowledge how carsick I am please enjoy the unedited (but for a few notes about fic/wizard tracker) doc I kept from approximately 6 am this morning (beginning of Trent Fight) until about half an hour ago because my other sister with whom I watched until midnight was behind me in her watch so I had NO ONE with whom to share my terrible shitpost thoughts

Uk’otoa in the pond is like...don’t threaten me with a good time

Fluffernutter?

Adele Dazeem’s Horrid Wilting, no less

YES YES THE OTHER WIZARDS ARE OUT

Veth you need to let Caleb/Astrid go like. Come on girl.

Well I got my Wulf answer…

YES PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT SWORDS TO A WIZARD FIGHT

Fjord now down to wizard HP levels

The dispels and the fluffernutter/collar series...impeccable. Every moment.

I can’t tell if this is rodeo or wrestling

Oh okay rodeo

Stone cold veth

Device? Activated. Collar? Adhered. Mouth? STOPPED. (trent ikithon is forcibly ejected from the narrative)

Take that object away he still sucks

Fjord: Violence is always the second answer. The first answer is respecting other people’s wishes. But violence fucking slaps.

All deep thoughts on Astrid and Wulf to be saved for like. Real meta and not this. That said...how fitting that Wulf is like, mostly just like “I would like to not be here”. I relate to this.

Can’t wait to get online and see all the memes of Astrid, Eadwulf, and Kingsley in the cars from that slightly problematic TV show from the Emo musician guy.

Forgot that Melora gives her greatest powers only to her most raw fucking servants.

“You do not, under any circumstances, gotta hand it to him”

Jester is now just providing Essek’s dress-up closet and like. Bless her.

BINGO (if Ludinus counts as a mention and if not whatever it’s the finale I do what I want sorry Gena)

I love Cad in max passive-aggressiveness mode and also just aggressiveness mode

Okay Kingsley and the whip is actually a good pairing, I’m into it.

Awww everyone hugging Cad…

Cad: I’m off the grid bitch!

Look what you’ve done for me. I have anxiety. (no but really, beautiful scene but also the image of Essek slipping out from a group hug by floating up will make me laugh for like. A month.)

EMPATHIZE

Trent being fed oatmeal by fey cats...effervescent

Let’s go to Nicodranas and party with old people!

Yussa experiences shame!

Yussa: Wizards love you. Fuck everyone else. Let’s party.

Oh my god i want to be drunk on a roof with my friends staring at the moon...Jester and Fjord you are RUINING ME

Can’t believe the cast made a Mallrats reference after last week when, no shade, NONE OF Y’ALL ACKNOWLEDGED IT

Jester’s strength is 100% for hugging, canon

Fuck you all I’m shipping Marius/Kingsley now and you can’t do anything about it

FOR I AM A PIRATE KING(SLEY) (you are! Hurrah for the pirate king!) (Pirates of Penzance AU? probably not)

SYPHILIS BANDITS

I love you Orly

Unrelated but has anyone else seen the Chris Fleming video about boston bros holding beer cans in their giant hands

YUDALA MY BELOVED

Okay real bingo, Ludinus has shown up and also knows which way the wind is blowing huh, fucking opportunist. And he’s not stupid...he knows that means “you’re next, bitch” from Caleb

GASLIGHTERS DELENDA EST

(making my way)

Immortal weasel fuck yeah

“There’s still so much of exandria to fuck with”

Where’s that bit about only children and Keyleth and “it’s definitely my fault that the dragon destroyed the city” because Fjord my guy

Love that Vandran is being beset by “shitty monkeys” like this is what you get for not talking about your feelings

Vandran, who dated Avantika: Jester is...a lot

“Be my Yeza”...top Exandrian pop single

If you talk super fast you can fit it all in a message because it’s only one word. It’s just science.

My worst trait is that like, on the one hand I would love to see certain tropes subverted, like, why not do the questionable science. But on the other it’s pretty much always the right idea not to and I love seeing people be like “I want this more than anything and also I cannot know if it will destroy me, I have something now that I can’t risk ruining”

[vierschanzentournee]

hii eve this feels weird

ok so this might be controversial (i'm saying might because i honestly don't know how u guys felt about the comeptition because the tag is still acting up) but i think the competition was pretty okay?? the weather was nice and even tho the wind was a bit shitty from time to time, the jury did a good job?

i was about to say something about eisei's style marks but quite honestly we have talked so much about it in season 2019 i think?? that i don't know what else to say besides FIS FIX THE SYSTEM!!!

now to karle, it was startling to see him so upset and i am not used to it at all?? i watched an interview and he was obviously so lost in his thoughts and he even interrupted the interviewer because she started talking about innsbruck - the poor guy had so much pressure form the media and i HATE THEM FOR ALWAYS EXPECTING SO MUCH FROM ATHLETES (if i am not mistaken there is a number of rants about this on my blog already i am not starying again)

BUT i do have to say that i respect him so much because another interviewer tried to push the idea of the jury being guilty and he imediatelly said that he was absolutely not implying that (another reason why i fucking hate some journalists i'm so sorry for the outburst)

ALSO LOVRO KOS MY BELOVED finally got his first podium and i can only hope that he will stay calm and collected for the whole season

honorable mention stephan with amazzing second jump and 10 place

excited for bergisel!!!! (my fave hill pls don't dissapoint)

i feel so powerful!!! how the tables have turned!!!

honestly, looking back i think the competition was fine - i'm a bit salty about karl losing the yellow bib, but frankly after today it might do him so good to have a break from the pressure of leading, and as @bronzebluemind has mentioned recently, he seems to do better attacking than defending sometimes. and oh man i am cut up reading that about his interviews - i don't really get interviews because the english broadcasting team is composed of david goldstrom and no one else, so the last i saw of him was him being very grumpy after his jump and then celebrating with markus (i have a gifset of it somewhere on my blog but presumably not in the tag lmao). i'm glad he's not blaming the jury for anything, it would not be a good look, and as you said i think the jury did fine today.

now that you mention it, the style marks controversy is pretty much the same as in 2019 lol. i think markus was definitely marked unfairly high for his first jump when compared to ryoyu, but also i don't think the overall impact was too severe; the stupid 18.5 from the german judge was eliminated, at least. i'm kind of glad he didn't win the competition frankly, just because there would have been a lot of people (on here, reddit, etc) who were very angry about it.

poor lovro kind of got lost amidst the drama of markus and ryoyu's battle! they never even showed his reaction to knowing he had a podium secured (after marius was 2nd after his jump). but this was awesome for him, and like you i hope that he'll keep it together and produce some more good results.

i can only say that i am terrified about what bergisel might do to karl (if he or anyone else gets hurt before the olympics......)

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision (#34)

34. BELGIUM Jérémie Makiese - “Miss you” 19th place

Decade rank: 69/79 [Above Efendi, below Undisclosed]

Lol remember that scene from Borat where Sasha Baron Cohen attempts to kidnap Pamela Anderson and yells “PAMELA I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! NAWT!!!!! 😭” while being carried away by her bodyguards? That has always been the first thing I think about whenever I hear "Miss you”. 

Given how anonymous “Miss you” is, it’s almost impressive that it foremost manages to be really fucking annoying to me. Moreover, its brand of “annoying” has *layers*, like a trifle of tepid tedium.

At the core of this Ennui Onion we have the insipid attempt to tell an “I’M FINE I’M FINE I’M FIIIIIIIIIIINE” post-break up storyline through inane “well sometimes i feel sad, but other times I feel just fine I guess 🤷‍♀️” verses. Is Jérémie over this break-up and just pretending to be sad because that’s what’s expected of him, or is he deeply disturbed and Playing It Cool For Appearances? The answer to that is “five televote points, find someone who cares”.

Belgium then further doubled down on their irritatingly pointless story of "Jérémie is fine except for when he isn’t” by making his song pointlessly irritating. Oh WHOA, a Bond Theme opening from Belgium? No way?! A clumsy and forced RnB transition to simulate emotional growth where there is none? So novel! How do we improve that? Why, by sprinkling in some next-level screaming, of course!

The FUCKING screaming oh Qod that’s the worst bit of it all. You have singing, then the vocal show-offery that Anja Nissen and Sheldon Riley are infamous for (but again, belting is FINE, just don’t make it... your main stratagem); and right at the bottom there’s Jérémie squealing fucking NOT-jokes, complete with Unfortunate Singing Face, yes, let’s not ignore the main televote killer in this equation. Jérémie’s emotional range is as hot or cold according to what the shitty narrative requires it to be, which is not how real people emote!  Whoever came up with this song as much understanding of natural progression as Michael Ben David has of consent.

So, it’s almost funny that the entire narrative I just described got fucking nixed in the live staging which chose to solely (SOLELY!) focus on the rhythm instead? I mean, I approve, cuz Melody > Message AND the dancers were pretty talented, but that makes the whole song feel even more pointless and irritating. Why even have this at all! Why not just make a fun RnB song instead that actually COULD have gotten a few more televotes? Gaaaaaaghfgiigfrger!g!

Also, the ballad portion of the song was staged well, and then dancers come on and so do the copious wideshots. Is this yet another example of Belgian staging falling apart due to shitty music or another example of RAI’s fucking incompetence, take your pick. Still, Why doesn’t Jérémie dance along more vibrantly? Why doesn’t he dance along, PERIOD? What’s the point of adding some kick-ass krumping if you’re not going ot use it efficiently? Did Eliot and Sennek really die so Belgium could NOT learn from their past mistakes?!?

All of this amounts to ::checks wiki:: 19th place, a second bottom five televote result with the audience in a row, and a generic Voice Winner’s First Radio Hit, that will also be his only hit ever. I hope you’ve enjoyed by this irritatingly long write-up about this pointless fucking song!

THE RANKING

34. BELGIUM - Jérémie Makiese - “Miss you” 35. NORWAY - Subwoolfer - “Give that wolf a banana” 36. AUSTRALIA - Sheldon Riley - “Not the same” 37. SWITZERLAND - Marius Bear - “Boys do cry” 38. AZERBAIJAN - Nadir Rustamli - “Fade to black” 39. ITALY - Mahmood & Blanco - “Brividi” 40. ISRAEL - Michael Ben David - “I.M”

Lol we advance into the yellow tier with a live that was somehow worse than Omaga’s <3   What a great year. 

[schrijverr]

How to care for a sick Jonny d’Ville

Jonny isn’t feeling well after a night of drinking, when Tim finds out he isn’t just hungover but actually sick, he takes care of him and ropes Ashes and Marius into it as well.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: Vomiting and mentions of Jonnys self esteem or lack thereof. Tell me if I missed anything or if you want me to tag anything!

~~~~~~~~~

Jonny felt woozy. It suddenly hit him when he stood up from the table they had all sat at during the night as slowly more alcohol made its way into their systems while they played cards.

He blinked heavily a few times and tried to steady himself on his feet as the ground continued to sway beneath his feet.

Ashes noticed him struggling and laughed: “Still can’t handle your liquor, can you, Jonny?”

“I can, shut up.” he frowned at them, then started to doubt himself. He wasn’t that drunk, was he? No. He couldn’t be, he had drank much more than this in the past and he had been fine, he knew how to hold his goddamn liquor.

But why was he so dizzy then?

Shaking his head in an attempt to clear it almost made him fall over and he grumbled something about needing to lie down as the rest of the table laughed at him while he stumbled away.

When he finally collapsed on his bed, after a walk that took way too long for the length it was, he groaned in relief. He felt terrible. He hoped the hangover would be less shit than this, it had been so long since drinking had gone over wrong that he barely recognized it.

The next day he woke up feeling even more shitty then when he’d gone to bed. He had a terrible headache and when he’d tried to sit up he had nearly vomited all over himself, almost not making it to the toilet before his stomach emptied itself.

Now he was still sitting next to it. He hadn’t found the energy in himself to get up from the floor and the coolness of the toilet bowl was welcome against his forehead.

He had practically decided to just stay there for the entire day and wallow in misery when the door of his room slammed open with a bang making him wince in pain as his headache flared up again.

Tims entirely too cheery voice called out: “You still alive, d’Ville?”

“Go away.” Jonny groaned back, “Too early.”

Poking his head around the entrance of the bathroom Tim grinned as he took in Jonnys state and said: “It’s been over a day, Jonny. How much did you even drink?”

“Not that much.” Jonny said with a frown, before Tim turned on the lights and the sudden brightness made him vomit again.

“You sure, because you look like shit.” Tim laughed, the bastard.

Jonny shot him a glare and told him: “I didn’t even finish my bottle, fucker. I did not drink too much, it just fell wrong or something.”

Then the effort that had taken was too much and he sagged against the toilet once more as he hoped that Tim would kindly fuck off and turn off the lights as he went.

Alas no such fate was in the cards for him, because instead Tim told him to stop being a baby, before he bodily picked him off the floor and slung him over his shoulders in a fireman carry. He also picked up the bin and handed it to Jonny with a: “Don’t ruin my clothes or I will skin you.”

Jonny did not have any fight left in him and felt too weak to do anything other than give Tim a shaky thumbs up, before clutching the bin tightly near his face.

It had been good foresight of Tim to hand him said bin, because by the time they got to the main area Jonny was dry heaving in it, spit dripping from his lips since there wasn’t anything else in his stomach to be vomited up as reflective tears ruined his already smudged make up.

Tim by this point had gotten quite concerned.

He had thought Jonny was being dramatic, but right now he wasn’t so sure. It was unusual for him to react to a small amount of alcohol like this and Tim did vaguely remember Jonny drinking not that much.

Putting the First Mate gently down on the couch Tim knelt down in front of him and looked into his eyes. They were hazy and blank and didn’t seem to notice Tims expression grow even more concerned.

“Hey, Jonny, hey, look at me.” he waited until there was small sound of recognition, “You really are feeling shit, eh, no dramatics?”

Slowly Jonny shook his head, then he grinned slightly and said: “I’m never dramatic.”

A bit of relief washed over Tim, but he didn’t let is show as he rolled his eyes: “Not feeling bad enough to stop being a lying little shit, I see.”

Then he was suddenly confronted with the fact that he had no clue what to do now. His plan had been to throw some water in Jonnys face before giving him something for a hangover, but that plan was kind of fucked over by the fact that Jonny wasn’t hungover.

He awkwardly asked Jonny: “Uhm, is there anything I can, you know, do for you? Maybe get you back to bed or something?”

Jonny curled into himself, clutching the bin tightly to his chest and murmured: “Don’t wanna move. Cold?”

“Should I get you a blanket?” Tim asked, completely unsure of how to proceed.

Sliding onto his side Jonny nodded and shut his eyes again.

That was Tims cue to bolt, which he did. He knew he had an extra blanket in his room, he’d kept there just in case, back when he was still suspicious of Auroras ability to keep the ship running to everyone's preferences.

It seemed so dumb looking back on it, although he was glad he had the blanket now, he thought as he pulled the fluff bunch from a chest.

He hoped he would get back before Jonny was found by another crew member who didn’t know what was going on with him, since he already felt guilty enough for practically kidnapping him from his room, even if he had found him miserable on the ground next to the toilet with no intention of moving.

Returning to the couch he’d left Jonny on he was glad to see Jonny peacefully asleep on his own, the bin next to him on the ground.

Tim gently tucked Jonny in and grabbed some guns to clean, before carefully sliding Jonnys head in his lap and silently setting to his task while he kept an eye on Jonny.

After about two hours of silence it was broken by two sets of footsteps and the sound of Marius and Ashes arguing about something.

At the sound Jonny stirred slightly under Tims hands, which he had on his head since he was playing with his hair, something he had started doing after he was done with cleaning his guns.

Tim tried to soothe him and keep him asleep, so right as Marius and Ashes entered he gave them a glare and shushed them.

They seemed taken aback by it, but stayed silent as they shot Tim a questioning look. He pointed to Jonny and softly said: “He’s sick.”

Ashes raised a brow and told him: “He’s probably being melodramatic, you saw him stumble after drinking. I told him he couldn't handle his liquor.”

“I thought so too, but he barely drank anything for his standards.” Tim replied.

“He is right, Ashes. Jonny was pretty moderate.” Marius commented.

“I still don’t believe it.” Ashes crossed their arms, before kneeling next to Jonny and saying: “Hey, Jonny, come on.”

Tim was too late in his attempt to stop them and soon Jonny blinked open his eyes slowly and croaked: “Ashes? What? You?”

They hummed: “Oh, he really seems out of it.” then they a bit louder they said: “Jonny, are you good? What’s happening?”

“He’s sick, Ashes.” Tim shot them a glare.

“Yeah and if we know what he has maybe we can fix him.” Ashes glared back, they pointed at Marius, “We got our Doctor here, he should be able to help.”

“We both know Marius isn’t a real Doctor.”

“Hey!”

“Shut up, Marius.”

“No need to be rude, Ashes.”

“Just look at Jonny, von Raum.”

Marius softly repeated Ashes words in a mocking manner, but also squatted down next to them to take a look at Jonny. He smiled at the First Mate and gently said: “Hey there, buddy. Tim said you feel a bit unwell, can you tell me what you feel?”

Jonny squinted at the light and the noise, before burrowing his face into Tims lap and mumbling: “Pain, bad.”

Ashes and Marius shared a look, then turned to Tim, who gave them an ‘I-told-you-so’ face, after which he turned back to Jonny and continued to pet his head again.

Marius nodded, more to himself, then attempted conversation with Jonny once more: “I get that you’re feeling awful, Jonny. I can see you’re sick, but I need specifics so we can maybe lessen the pain and the bad feeling.”

Turning his head back to Marius as he peaked at the Doctor over Tims knee, Marius had to stop himself from fawning over the cute picture Jonny made. Then he said hoarsely: “Stomach feels weird and head hurts, lights bright.”

“Good, good, well done, thank you, Jonny.” Marius smiled at him.

Jonny nodded, closing his eyes and turning back into Tims lap seemingly satisfied with his contribution.

“He also vomited a lot.” Tim told him.

“So what’s the verdict, Doctor?” Ashes asked him.

Under two pairs of scrutinizing eyes, Marius carefully said: “I think it’s a stomach bug native to the planet we were just on. It’s probably not going to spread from him, which is good news!”

“Oh no, what is the bad news.” Tim asked, a warning tone in his voice.

“Nothing bad, nothing bad.” Marius quickly assured him, “Just that we cannot do anything other than keep him hydrated and warm until this blows over.”

After a beat Tim said: “Then we should probably get him some water, since I don’t he’s been drinking anything since he was with us.”

“No wonder he has a headache then.” Ashes exclaimed.

“It’s not my fault, I just picked him up from the floor and put him somewhere soft.” Tim replied indignantly.

Marius got up with an eyeroll and as he walked away to get some water for Jonny, he called over his shoulder: “Arguing isn’t going to make him feel better.”

He did not see Ashes and Tim flipping him off in sync, having found a common enemy in Marius and the fact that he was right, which was annoying.

While he was gone, Ashes looked at Jonny and also petted his side for a moment, then they asked Tim: “Are you okay? How long have you been sitting here with him?”

“A few hours now. Two, maybe three.” Tim shrugged, “He’s been asleep the whole time, just woke up to vomit a few times. It’s been alright, cleaned my guns. Although my leg has fallen asleep.”

“Wanna switch?” Ashes asked.

“What?”

“Switch.” they repeated, “I take him for a moment, you can stretch your legs.”

Tim gave them a look and teased: “I thought you said he was just being dramatic. Does your little black heart still has a bit of caring left in it.”

Ashes glared at him and threatened: “You’re stuck there, Tim. I wouldn't try anything when you can’t run from me.”

“Alright, alright.” Tim raised his hands disarmingly, “But I honestly wouldn't mind the switch.”

Right at that point Marius returned with the water and announced: “I think someone is going to have to hold him up while he drinks and I also think he isn’t going to be pleased by that fact, so lets be nice.”

Tim nodded and softly woke Jonny up again. The First Mate in his lap whined slightly when he got woken up and pouted as he blinked his eyes open slowly.

“I know, Jonny, we’re all meanies for waking you up.” Marius smiled at him, “But I have some water for you, it’ll help with the headache and probably the jucky taste and the dry throat. You can go to bed again right after, I promise.”

Jonny smacked a bit when Marius mentioned the taste and dry throat and grimaced, making the three other chuckle. He squinted at them suspiciously and hoarsely pouted: “Are you laughing at me?”

Tim ran a hand through his hair and smirked: “Of course not, Jonny.”

It seemed like Jonny didn’t really believe him, but he did allow Tim to lever him up into a sitting position, leaning heavily against Tims side.

He wanted to take the glass from Marius hands, but he shook his head and kindly told him: “I would let you. I know you don’t like it, but I think you would like it even less when you drop all the water on yourself.”

“Who says I’m gonna do that.” Jonny croaked.

Marius raised an eyebrow at him and shared a disbelieving look with Ashes and Tim. Tim quickly glanced at Jonny then rolled his eyes, while Ashes just shrugged in a way that asked ‘are-you-really-surprised?’

“I’m not saying you’re going to do that.” Marius sighed, “Just for me, okay.”

Jonny hesitated for a moment, but in the end he was tired and feeling bad and he honestly didn’t really feel like arguing, especially not while they all were being so nice to him and taking care of him.

So he didn’t protest when Marius raised the glass to his lips and helped him drink as he softly said: “Take small sips. That’s it.”

After the glass was empty Tim and Ashes swapped places. When Tim first started to get up Jonny made a small, confused noise, which he would later fiercely deny ever happened, as he gave Tim a hurt look.

Tim had to bite his lip to stop himself from either squealing or laughing at Jonny, before he explained: “My legs are a bit dead, so Ashes is going to stay with you for a while so that I can stretch, okay?”

A look of relief swept over Jonnys face that he quickly hid as he huffed: “Whatever, not like I care.”

All three suppressed an eyeroll at the obvious lie, but no one commented.

Ashes lowered Jonnys head until he was comfortably resting in their lap. He yawned then yawned again although he tried to power through it: “What are- what’re y’all gonna do?”

“Just mill around here, don’t worry about it, Jonny.” Marius quickly said, shooting a look at Ashes and Tim that Jonny couldn't see since his eyes were already closed.

“Goo’, goo’, ‘cause, you know, I was just gonna” a small yawn, “stay here too and-” and Jonny was asleep again.

Both Ashes and Tim couldn't stop the small snort at that and even Marius had to admit that that was pretty cute and funny.

“I am so teasing him with this when he’s feeling better.” Ashes grinned.

“God, yes.” Tim agreed.

Marius hesitated for a moment, then defectively said: “First lets make sure he does feel better, alright. I am filling up another glass of water for when he wakes up and I’m making him broth, he needs a bit of food in his system.”

Then he hurried off to the kitchen.

Tim stretched and told Ashes: “Are you going to be okay on your own for a while? Because I need to walk around a bit right now and I feel like Jonny needs better clothes than his stinky drinking clothes. It’s alright now, but when you’ve been sitting with him for a while, you’ll notice.”

Ashes made a disgusted face at that, before they shooed him out, telling him that if it really got that bad he’d better do something about it before it became their problem.

Giving them a lazy salute and a semi-scared grin Tim wiggled his legs a bit, before walking off to do what he had just said.

Meanwhile Ashes had taken up petting Jonnys hair with one hand while they flicked a lighter off and on with the other.

It seemed Jonny was out of it for now, apparently it had taken a lot out of him to sit up and drink, something that would have worried them more were it not for the fact that he was literally immortal and it would only be mildly uncomfortable if he died from this.

They saw Marius for a short second as he gave them the glass for when Jonny woke up again and checked up on them. Once he was satisfied with the answer he left them alone again with their thoughts.

Jonny hadn’t been sick in a long while and it was strange to see him so cuddly and, not weak, but softer. He always took great care in maintaining a tough exterior that they sometimes almost forgot the boy he’d once been when they’d first met.

As they pondered this for a while, Jonny groaned and suddenly turned away from them as he hunched over the couch to vomit in the bin that was there.

He startled Ashes a bit, but they hurried to make sure he didn’t fall off the couch and, when it seemed his stomach had expelled all the water in it, they pulled him back onto the couch properly where he immediately whimpered slightly as he curled up against their chest.

Ashes could feel that he was quivering slightly and in a brief moment of tenderness they allowed themself to hold him close to their side and stroke his back as they whispered: “That seemed uncomfortable. Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“Throat hurts.” Jonny whined.

Silently they thanked Marius foresight as they got the glass and held it up to Jonnys lips as they gently said: “Here, drink this, it might help.”

Jonny frowned at the glass and tightened his lips as he refused to drink the water. Ashes frowned in turn at Jonny and asked: “Why don’t you want to drink the water?”

“I don’t wanna throw up again.” he whispered.

“Why don’t you take a small sip to rinse your mouth and you spit that out and then after that you take three sips, just three, you don’t have to drink the whole glass.” Ashes reasoned.

Jonny nodded and Ashes helped him do just that, before letting him sag against them again so that he could fall back into a fitful sleep.

It was at this point that Tim came back carrying a stack of clothes, makeup wipes, sandwiches and some things they could do while sitting down, like playing cards and some books.

He plonked it all down on the table and softly announced: “Jonny, we’re getting you in better clothes, buddy.”

The pile on the couch named Jonny just squinted at him and didn’t cooperate.

Ashes rolled their eyes and stated: “This is weird and I hate you for this.” as they started unbuckling his belts.

When those were off Jonny seemed willing to exchange his waistcoat and shirt for a soft sweater and his trousers for comfy joggers, although he did grumble and whine during the whole process and wiggled grouchily under his blanket when they were done.

Then, as Jonny continued to rest, Tim and Ashes started playing a game of cards, no high stakes or anything, just for fun, and ate some lunch.

They were just finishing their third round when Brian poked his head around the door frame and said: “Hello, are you all alright? Marius said Jonny wasn’t feeling well and you were keeping an eye on him. Is he okay?”

Tim glanced over to Jonnys sleeping form, then said: “He seems alright now, but he was vomiting earlier and he has done nothing but sleep, apparently it wasn’t just a hangover keeping him in his room.”

“That’s terrible.” Brian sounded concerned as he walked over to them on the couch to see Jonny for himself.

Jonny was fast asleep, his mouth a bit agape as he breathed softly. He was curled up under a big blanket and his makeup was smeared over his face staining Ashes trousers as he smushed his face into their leg.

Brian bit his lip lightly to keep himself from chuckling and instead commented: “Well, he seems to be in good hands. Shouldn’t we get rid of the makeup though?”

“I got the stuff.” Tim nodded to small pile at the edge of the table, “But he was already fussy about us forcing him in comfortable clothes that it didn’t seem worth it, it’s not like he’s noticed yet.”

Shrugging Brian made a ‘that’s-fair’ face, before he asked: “Is there anything you need? I can get it for you.” both shook their head, “Well, if you think of something give Aurora the message and she’ll tell me, okay?”

“Okay, thanks Brain.” Tim smiled, while Ashes gave him a lazy thumbs up.

He gave them an awkward wave before leaving. Don’t get him wrong, he loved his crew mates and checking up on Jonny after he’d heard the First Mate was sick was only logical, but he didn’t really like people touching him and with how he’d found Jonny, he didn’t mind not being the person to keep an eye on him.

By the time Marius showed up with the broth Tim and Ashes had switched places again and had turned to playing Uno.

Marius raised an eyebrow and the two fierce fighters arguing softly about Uno rules, while Tim tried not to jostle the sleeping Jonny. He cleared his throat and held up the broth: “Willing to help me get this into Jonny?”

Ashes gave the steaming broth a suspicious look: “Is that a smart idea, Marius? I mean just the water alone made him vomit again.”

“Yeah, I know, but he needs some food in him if he wants to recover, your body can’t heal itself without fuel.” Marius explained.

They gave him a slow one over, before they nodded.

While that was going on Tim had awoken Jonny, who blinked heavily as he tried to get away from Tims waking hand with little success. He mumbled: “Wha’s goin’ on?”

“Marius has some broth for you. You need to eat, Jonny.” Tim told him.

Jonny frowned and tried to hide under the blanket as he shook his head. Tim sighed: “Don’t be difficult, Jonny.”

That made Jonny peak out from under the blanket as he complained: “I’m not being difficult.”

“If you’re not being difficult then you will let us give you some broth to help you get better.” Tim said a bit harshly.

Jonny flinched away from the tone and stopped complaining. Tim felt a bit bad about it, but he was glad Jonny was allowing him to get him into a semi-sitting position.

Marius sat down next to Jonnys hips on the couch so that he could feed Jonny the broth. However, Jonny had slept through most of the day and felt a bit better now and he was not about to let Marius feed him, that would be embarrassing.

“I can eat fucking soup on my own, von Raum.” he said, crossing his arms.

“Jonny, I love you, but you absolutely can not do that right now, so I am going to feed you and you’re going to be fed, alright.” Marius told him, not willing to argue about this.

Let it be known that Jonny does not give in easily, he would fight and argue in any other circumstance, but his brain just cut out when Marius told him he loved him and he just gave in, a happy feeling bubbling up in his chest after Marius smiled: “Good job, buddy.”

Later he could be mad at himself for being so pliant and so happy about being cared for and praised, but right now he was sick and he could allow himself a few comforts.

Marius was pleased to see Jonny cooperate, obediently opening and closing his mouth around each spoon. It was only after about half the bowl was empty that Jonnys eyes flickered between Marius’s face and the spoon, before he refused, keeping his mouth shut.

“Are you full?” Marius asked kindly.

Unsure Jonny nodded, as if he wasn’t certain Marius would let him stop or get mad at him for wanting to stop. It made Marius sad to think about, so he shoved the thought away and smiled as he said: “Well, I’m proud you made it this far, well done. I’m glad to know you have at least some food in your system.”

Jonny visually brightened at Marius words and allowed a pleased smile to take over his features as he sagged back onto Tim.

It was nearing evening and all three knew that soon most of the others would come barging in expecting dinner, which had been Jonnys turn to provide and the reason Tim had bothered trying to wake him up in the first place.

“We should probably get him out of here so that all the commotion and shit won’t make him feel worse.” Ashes broached the subject.

“Yeah, a proper bed will help as well.” Tim agreed.

Marius rolled his eyes and said: “I’ll cook, just take care of him, alright?”

“Thank you, Marius.” the two grinned.

Tim easily swept Jonny up in his arms bridal carry, but Jonnys stomach didn’t agree with the sudden movement, so Ashes had to quickly grab the bin and hold it up to Jonnys mouth as he emptied his stomach of most of its contents once more.

Jonny made a pitiful sound as Tim softly apologized over and over again as he started walking, gently swaying Jonny a bit until he had calmed down.

“What’re you doin’?” he asked, squinting.

“We’re taking you to a proper bed, sweetheart, you need it to get better.” Ashes answered him from where they were walking next to Tim.

A look of fear flashed over Jonnys features and he timidly asked: “Are you going to leave me there?”

The vulnerability in his eyes stabbed Tim in his chest and he took a different turn than he had planned as he smiled: “Course not, Jonny. Your bed smell of sickness, so I’m taking you to mine and I’m going to make sure you don’t vomit in it.”

“I’m not gonna do that.” Jonny huffed, but the relief was clear on his face and it was kind of hard to look grumpy while he was literally being cradled in Tims arms.

“I know.” Tim said teasingly as he rolled his eyes.

Ashes didn’t comment on Tims softness to their First Mate, since he hadn’t said anything about the pet name and the caring of them either. It was a silent pact that they weren’t going to mention this ever again, teasing long since forgotten, and gauging Jonnys actions it was likely he wasn’t going to either.

They opened the door to Tims room and allowed him to pass them.

He gently put Jonny down, before tucking him in, he then took the bin to the bathroom where he emptied and rinsed it.

When he returned Jonny was barely clinging to consciousness, but he was fighting against the sleep as he clutched to Ashes hand.

Tim sat down next to him on the bed and told Ashes: “You can stay if you want, but you can also come relieve me in a while and save some food for me. We’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” they asked.

Getting conformation from both, they nodded: “Then I’ll check up on you after dinner and if he’s too annoying I won’t mind watching over him for tonight.”

Tim chuckled and Jonny pouted as Ashes left. They would return later to find the two fast asleep in each others arms with Jonnys head resting on Tims chest. They would laugh silently at them, before leaving again, promising themself to check up on them the next day.

In the morning Tim would pass Jonny over to Ashes, promising to come back with a smile and a ruffle of Jonnys hair.

It took a whole week for Jonny to recover and the news of him being sick traveled quickly through the crew, everyone had watched over him for at least a few hours, though Ashes, Marius and Tim were pretty protective over their time with Jonny and took the lion share.

As the week passed and Jonny got better, it became increasingly difficult to take care of him. He kept insisting that he wasn’t weak, which most found stupid, because he was literally sick and being sick or needing some care wasn’t weak.

However, it was pretty easy to convince him to accept their affection, even if they did have to fight for each piece of comfort given to him.

When he finally did feel better, he celebrated by making a big meal for everyone, happy that it wouldn't make him vomit anymore. Though most knew it was also his way of saying thank you, both for taking care of him and not mentioning it.

The crew accepted the meal gladly and kept their mouths shut about the whole thing, but Jonny did hug everyone a bit more, which was a good improvement.

Everyone needed some caring every now and again.

[lightsburnbrite]

Things We Do for Love: Part 2

(Third part to Such a Thrill and The Devil is in the Details)

As the months passed, Leon slowly started to form normalcy. His apartment resembled more of a bachelor’s pad as Karina’s personal items were removed. In an effort to get his mind off of things, it wasn’t uncommon for two or three of Leon’s friends to come and stay for weeks at a time and he genuinely appreciated the company but it didn’t replace the fact that Karina was gone. Mathea, never one to miss an opportunity, soon moved herself in and resumed her role as the doting girlfriend.

“Ha! I’ve found her.”

Leon let the basketball rebound off the floor before holding it still. Putting the net up in the living room seemed like both his best and worst idea to date. “What? Found who?”

“Karina.” Sebastian called back out. He wasn’t Leon’s official agent, but he acted in a managerial capacity in addition to being Leon’s close friend. “She’s listed on the website as the Associate Curator of European Art.”

Leon put the ball down and walked over to the sofa where Sebastian was lounging. He stopped short, trying to decide if he would feel better knowing where Karina was or if he would feel worse. “What website?”

“AGO.” Sebastian looked up from the screen at Leon. “Does Marius really not know where she is?”

Leon shook his head. “No. Their parents haven’t come out and said it but he figured they’d cut him off too if he tried to get in touch with her. What does AGO stand for?”

“Art Gallery of Ontario.” He turned his laptop towards Leon. “As in Ca-na-da, eh?”

Leon smirked at Sebastian’s over pronunciation but he couldn’t help but smile at Karina’s picture placed alongside her bio. She looked essentially the same, her hair might have been a bit longer and she had it straightened in this picture, but she looked genuinely happy. Leon knew that Karina had a “professional smile�� that she used to counteract her natural inclination to frown but the smile she wore in her picture proved her to be happy and proud of this new position.

“Oh damn,”

Leon turned back to Sebastian who was on his phone now. “What now?”

“Looks like she’s got a new…” Sebastian hesitated. “Well, have a look.”

Sebastian had pulled facebook up on his phone but he didn’t know the person who’s profile it was. It was a picture of a group of six people at what looked to be an outdoor wedding reception, the bride and groom were placed in the middle with two people on either side. Karina stood to the very right, tucked neatly against the side of man who looked to be about the same age, her hand resting on his chest while his was placed low on her hip. Again, Karina smiled brightly while the man had more of a smirk and that instantly put Leon off him. He had been hoping maybe she was just the man’s plus one as a favor but then he read the caption and his heart sank.

Happy Siblings Day to these two weirdos. Loved having everyone together again at my wedding. Loved it even more that we finally got to meet baby brother’s new girlfriend who is the sweetest!

“What’s his name?” Leon looked over to Sebastian again. “Can you tell?”

Sebastian took his phone back and shrugged. “Look at the tagged names. Obviously we know Karina’s and if they are siblings then look for last names that are the same. Here we go…Cosmo is your guy. Or, I guess it’s more like her guy. Heh. What the fuck kind of name is Cosmo.”

Leon groaned but curiosity eventually got the better of him. At various points throughout the day, he was looking through multiple forms of social media belonging to a floppy haired hipster that had somehow caught Karina’s eye. He was mainly active on instagram, posting random landscapes and other seemingly artistic compositions. Leon was relieved that he didn’t see any pictures of Karina on there but when he came across a few pictures of Elsa, that was somehow worse. It had now become a serious relationship in his mind because Karina had allowed her beloved dog around this man.

Karina had effectively vanished from the face of the Earth in the 14 months since she left Leon. At first, Leon thought she had just blocked him but when she ‘liked’ one of his posts about a charity endeavor he and Joshua were working on, Leon realized she had just been silent. That initial ‘like’ broke the seal, it seemed, and just like that, she became active again. There were a few selfies and a few more pictures of Elsa but then came the pictures of Elsa and the new boyfriend. It wasn’t a blatantly obvious picture of the two of them, but he recognized the fragment of a roman numeral tattoo he had on his arm from other pictures.

While laying in bed one night, Leon was scrolling through pictures. Mathea moved closer and rested her head on his shoulder. “Who’s that?”

“Oh, um..” Leon cleared his throat and thought of how he could explain that he was essentially stalking the new love interest of his estranged wife. “Karina has a new boyfriend.”

Mathea took his phone and looked at pictures of the two of them and sneered. “He’s got a big nose. Whatever, you’re hotter.”

It made Leon feel at least a bit better to hear her say that, but there was now way Mathea could be objective. He had decided to give Karina a call and see if she would actually answer. Karina had donated a sizable amount to his charity and calling to say thank you seemed to be a good reason. To his surprise, she answered.

“Hi Leon, what’s up?”

He instantly smiled. “Hey, Maus. I, uh, wanted to say thank you for your donation. That was really generous of you.”

“Of course.” She held the phone away and coughed. “You and Joshua are doing great things, I’m happy to help.”

“Right…” He nodded even though she wouldn’t be able to see him. He wanted to say it was good to hear her voice, that he was happy she was ok and hoped she was doing well but all of a sudden, the words came before he had the chance to stop himself. “Mathea found your wedding dress the other day. I guess I could ship it to you?”

“Oh, um, honestly, I don’t want it back. You can do what you want with it.” She hesitated. “Listen, Leon, I was thinking it’s time that we finalize things. We’re kinda in limbo right now and I think we both just need to move on. I’m going to be in Munich next week, would you be able to meet with our lawyers?”

Leon let out a sigh. She was right, but it still hurt him to hear it. “Um, yeah. We can do that.”

They sat in a meeting room around a circular table and had an unsurprisingly civil conversation.

“I see that you maintained separate accounts so that makes the division of assets somewhat more straightforward.” Leon’s lawyer shuffled some papers before addressing Karina specifically. “Will you be petitioning for spousal support, Ms. Müller?”

Karina shook her head. “No. I’m not asking for anything, I just want this to be finalized so we can move on.”

His lawyer nodded. “And you are fine with returning the ring and vacating the residence?”

“My client has already returned the ring and has maintained a residence in Toronto for the past year.” Karina’s lawyer interjected now. “We are mainly concerned with making sure that your client will not be trying to get anything from Ms. Müller.”

“I see there is a dog, was the animal obtained together-”

“Elsa belongs to Karina. I’m not contesting that.” Leon spoke up. “Any piece of artwork too, it’s all hers.”

“Ok,” Karina’s lawyer responded. “Both parties agree to part with what they entered the marriage with. Is this correct?”

“I don’t know…I guess i just feel like…” Leon sighed heavily as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I feel like we’re rushing things along.”

Karina sat perfectly still in the chair next to him, straight as a pin. “Leon, we’ve been separated for over a year, it’s time for us to move on.”

Leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, Leon sighed again and tried to wrap his mind around how their relationship had progressed to this point. “Alright. What do you need me to sign?”

Once the papers were signed and notarized, their lawyers shook hands and departed leaving Leon and Karina to sit in silence.

“Do, um…” Leon was getting frustrated with how hesitant he was feeling. “Would you want to get dinner tonight?”

Karina opened her mouth before frowning slightly. “Leon, that sounds very nice but I’m not sure if that’s the best idea.”

“Yeah, I get that. It’s just this feels like a shitty way to close things.” He shrugged. “I thought this would be an ok way to make it up to you.”

She started to say that there was no need to make anything up to her, she held no ill will towards him but ultimately she thought better of it and simply nodded. Karina would have rather done anything else than to sit down to dinner with him but considered it one last good faith effort before moving on completely.

Leon set the reservations at the restaurant of the Charles hotel where Karina was staying. He had done so out of convenience for Karina, she knew that, but she also knew he had probably forgotten the time when they sat in the same restaurant and she confessed that she was hopelessly in love with him.

With a sigh, she pulled a simple black shirt dress from the closet and made sure it hadn’t gotten too wrinkled in travel. After deciding that her hair and makeup were fine, Karina checked at the front desk but was shown to the table despite Leon having not arrived yet.

She glanced over the menu but didn’t see anything that really jumped out at her so she let her eyes wander around the restaurant. Karina looked up towards the entrance just in time to see Leon holding the door open for Mathea who was wearing the same dress Karina wore to their wedding. Seeing the two of them walk in together caused Karina’s stomach to plummet to the floor. She saw a server pass and she held up one finger to flag him down. “I’m sorry, could I get a double vodka soda with a slice of lemon, please? Thanks.”

She stood as they were ushered to the table, avoiding any sort of eye contact as they sat down.

Leon smiled and placed a hand on her forearm. “You look great, Mausi.”

Karina smiled but more out of a desire to be polite. Mathea being there to begin with put her on edge, but the display of affection from Leon only made it worse.

Mathea didn’t pass up the opportunity to look her over from head to toe, ending her gaze with a smirk. “Do you ever wear anything with color?”

“Rarely.” Leon had to stop himself from laughing as Karina delivered the line deadpan.

Her expression turning to a sneer, Mathea would not let Karina get away with besting her. “You look like a nun only there’s the problem of your devil worship-”

“Mathea, enough.” Leon cut in now, attempting to keep a somewhat civil conversation.

“It’s nice to see you as well, Mathea.” Karina offered a kind but entirely forced smile. “A bit unexpected if I do say so, especially in that dress.”

Mathea grinned. “It’s lovely, isn’t it? I needed to have it taken in, I was practically swimming in it before!”

Leon immediately ducked his head. “Sorry, I thought you’d be bringing…sorry.”

“Bringing who?” She pressed him, curious as to who Leon would have had in mind.

He inhaled deeply. “I thought your boyfriend would have come with you.”

“Nope. Just me.” Karina forced a smile. “No boyfriend.”

“Hmm.” Mathea smiled more smugly now. “That’s a shame. Leon and I just got back from Ibiza, we had a great time together with Marius.”

“Lovely.” Karina nodded slightly, attempting not to bristle at the mention of her brother. “Glad you had fun.”

Leon went on about various events and goings on, seemingly oblivious to Mathea’s desire to agitate Karina and Karina’s subsequent distress.

“You know,” Mathea looked over to Leon and smiled fondly. “I’ve always wanted to see what you call ‘the big house’. I’ve always wondered of it really was that big.”

Leon hesitated, knowing that would be a sore spot. “No, that’s not really-”

“It's being rented, actually,” Karina hadn’t intended it to be a jab but the shocked look plastered on Mathea’s face was incredible satisfying. “About eight months ago.”

Mathea shook her head. “No, you had no right to do that without consulting us. What if we wanted to use it? I thought it would make a nice setting for a wedding.”

“A wedding…” She spoke softly and did her best not to show her irritation that Mathea was even part of this discussion. “It's my house, my estate. I discussed my thoughts with Olga and she was ready to move on as well. Apparently Marwin told her that he didn’t want me to feel weighed down by the house and should sell it if I wanted to. I thought about that but I didn't want to part with it because of my memories with Marwin there.”

It wasn't intentional, but Karina enjoyed watching Leon flinch when she mentioned wanting to hold on to her memories of Strohmann.    

“But you were married. Leon should have gotten half.” Mathea was practically scowling now. “Or spousal support.”

Leon held his hands up. “No. There is no reason for me to ask anything of Karina just because she’s worth more than I am. I’m not going to be petty or vindictive because you want a bigger place to live.”

The waiter had arrived with Karina’s drink and prepared to take their orders as well when she stopped him. “Thank you, but I think I’m actually just going to take this to my room. If you could charge their meal to my room as well?”

Slightly dumbfounded, the waiter nodded as Karina stood and raised her glass to Mathea and Leon. “Enjoy.”

Back in her room, Karina drained her glass quickly. The alcohol hit her hard on an empty stomach but it wasn’t enough to numb her yet. She grabbed the room service menu and ordered a dinner she would appreciate much more than anything at Sofia’s and a bottle of Prosecco to wash it down with.

Leon was visibly sullen for the rest of the evening which only frustrated Mathea.

“What are you so pissed about?” Mathea sat in the passenger seat and sulked.

It took Leon a minute to respond. “You could have pretended to be nice.”

“Sorry? I just figured we’re never going to like each other and we’re never going to see her again so why bother?” She reached over and rested her hand on his thigh. “Besides, we can actually talk about getting married now.”

Leon didn’t respond. He figured it would be better to wait to tell her that he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to get married again.