#also dw she and jon won’t be broken up forever

[suspiciouslackofclowns]

Some things never change. It’s why Nancy is oh-so looking forward to coming home this summer, funnily enough.

She wants to have her mom’s meatloaf, pretend to be interested enough in sci-fi to sit through a movie with Mike, and stare at the photos posted on her vanity. She wants to feel like she’s seventeen again and worrying about studying for chemistry quizzes, not worrying about what Jonathan is up to right now.

If he’s talking to other girls. If he’s sliding up next to Argyle in the back of his van, too close for your average smoke session. If he’s having a blast with his time apart from her.

She knows they both need space — it still doesn’t feel good to dwell on it. She needs distractions or she’s going to blow a gasket.

Anything to alleviate the stress. Even if just for a night. Hell, even if just for a minute.

As much as it feels wrong to admit… she’s also looking forward to seeing Steve. To teasing him a little bit since she’s back in town, maybe flirting with him like she used to.

She has no idea what’s coming over her, what’s possessing her to have these thoughts — she doesn’t like Steve, at least, not like that, but just knowing that part of him will always love her brings an odd sense of comfort. It’s the normalcy that she’s craved while away at Uni. While she and Jonathan are taking a break.

It’s shitty. And she knows it.

After a quick ask around, she’s pulling up to a trailer at Forest Hills, parking next to the Beamer and stepping out of her car.

Steve might not have gotten into any of his choice colleges, but he’s making something for himself nonetheless, so she’s heard. Nancy wonders if he’s looking to reminisce about old times too when she knocks on the door, only… Steve isn’t who answers it.

It takes a few moments. Nancy can hear fumbling and a quiet curse before the deadbolt turns and the door cracks open.

“Uh… hey?” Billy greets lamely.

He squints in the sunlight, his posture hunched as he leans his arm on the doorframe. Nancy clutches her purse at her side, all of her scripting for this interaction bursting to flames in the back of her mind.

“Hey,” she says. Leans back enough to look at the plaque above the doorbell. “Am I at the wrong place?”

Back in school, she never really interacted with this guy. Just heard rumors, mostly. Saw him strutting around the halls like her worst testosterone-filled nightmare come to life. He doesn’t seem so big and tough now, confusion plastered all over his face.

She still doesn’t expect him to sound so gentle when he speaks.

“Steve’s out right now,” he says. Stands up straight and rubs his eye with the heel of his palm before gesturing over to the Beamer. “He took mine. Asshole always uses my shit.”

Nancy glances over her shoulder. Nods, more to herself than anything, and sighs.

This was a bust.

The door hinges creak from Billy leaning more of his weight into it.

“You, uh, wanna come in?” he asks.

Nancy presses her lips into a line, considering making up some lame excuse to run off until he spreads a little smile. It has her mind going blank in under a second.

Right. She forgot how charming this guy can be.

“Sure,” she murmurs.

Struts inside when he clears the doorway, trying to ignore the fact that she can smell the faded remnants of Steve’s cologne on him as she passes by.

Come to think of it, it looks like he’s wearing Steve’s clothes too. They fit better on him than they ever did on Nancy.

“I’m gonna make some coffee,” Billy says.

He shuts the door, and Nancy nods. Looks around, subtly trying to scope out the place. It’s not the stereotypical bachelor pad that she was expecting — the couch has a decent amount of pillows, the curtains match the rugs, and the posters on the walls are actually framed.

It looks lived-in, but not messy.

There are trinkets and tabletop things kind of strewn about, and it feels homey. More so than Steve’s parents’ house ever did.

The only thing that really catches her attention is the fact that there’s a single bedroom.

Billy brews a pot and glances over his shoulder when he opens a cupboard.

“Coffee?” he sighs.

“Sure,” Nancy says. Watches as he pulls two Garfield mugs out. “So, you guys… live together?”

“Mhm.”

He pours both mugs generously. Sets the sugar and the creamer on the counter so Nancy can fix hers how she likes. Surprisingly, he takes his coffee fairly sweet.

She half expected him to drink it black.

“How did that happen, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Nancy stirs her mix vacantly until the color lightens, watching the way that Billy’s lips quirk up into a smile again.

He splays his free hand against the counter and leans into it, shrugging his shoulders.

“He begged me, really,” he lilts. “Or did you mean how did we become friendly?”

“The ladder.”

Billy nods. Sips from his mug and hums to himself.

“I dunno, it kinda just happened. He’s a lover, not a fighter, after all.”

He fucking winks at her, and her face starts to feel warm.

She wants to chalk it up to the fact she obviously woke him up when she knocked. His hair isn’t primped, his curls less defined and perky than usual, and his eyes are half-lidded. Like he hasn’t quite adjusted to being awake yet.

Something tells her that’s not the only reason, like a little siren in the back of her head is going off.

It’s the same feeling she got when she noticed the disproportionate amount of time that Mike started spending with Will, as opposed to their other friends. When she noticed that they started sharing the bottom bunk of his bed rather than splitting up during sleepovers.

Her eyebrows quirk up ever so slightly. Really, it should be obvious. Billy isn’t even trying to hide it.

“He always has been,” she says.

Amused, Billy leans forward a little more. Lowers his voice like he’s making accusations in church.

“That why you decided to swing by unannounced?”

There’s no hint of danger just yet. Nancy knows it’s lurking around the corner, though, so she chooses her words wisely.

“Just… wanted to catch up.”

She shrugs nonchalantly, still stirring her coffee. Billy nods, but his eyes suddenly look dark. Like the surface of the ocean at night.

Eerily still and almost black in the absence of the moon.

“Sure,” he says. Stares hard at her for a moment, like he’s picking apart everything, reading her mind. It sends a chill up her spine. “Y’know what I want?”

Nancy stops stirring when his eyes flick down to her hand.

“What’s that?” she asks, almost breathless.

He taps his finger against the countertop, and his smile returns. It doesn’t feel as charming and suave as it did earlier.

Reminds Nancy of the fake smiles that the preppy girls would give her at school when she first started dating Steve. Come to think of it, it’s exactly that.

“I want you to call first next time.” He chews his lip while he thinks. “I want you to keep this little visit between us when you catch up,” he warns. Chuckles after a moment and tilts his head to the side. “And I want you to say hi to your mom for me when you leave. Think that’s too much for lil’ old me to ask?”

Nancy shakes her head, face burning now. Billy seems fairly pleased with that.

“I’ll… let myself out.”

“Door gets stuck, so be sure to pull hard on it.”

He waves goodbye before she even moves. Once she does turn away, he grabs her untouched mug and dumps it down the sink. She breathes a sigh of relief once she’s outside and the door is closed behind her.

It doesn’t feel good, leaving the trailer park with this rotten feeling stirring in her gut. Funnily enough, she’s not even mad at Billy.

She’s mad at herself.

As embarrassing as it is, she needed this. She’s glad it happened this way, because simply knowing that Steve is taken makes her heart feel a little lighter. Like she didn’t fuck him up too bad to find love.

Like she can finally let him go.

The walk of shame up the driveway to her parents’ house still makes her sick.

“Back so soon?” Karen asks. She has a pan of meatloaf ready to go into the oven. “I thought you’d be out for a while, I was gonna surprise you.”

The look on her face is disappointed, like the highlight of her night was going to be presenting her daughter with a fairly average meal. It does good to make Nancy think.

About how she’s been putting too much thought into things that don’t matter. About how she’s been worrying about things that are out of her control. Obsessing over them, even.

It makes her think about how she should have just been excited to eat her mother’s meatloaf and watch shitty movies with Mike.

From the start.

Nancy smiles, and Karen mimics it even though her plans are clearly ruined. She thinks they can fix it together.

“Billy says hi.”