#also dont mind me using this picture all the time its funny and its very real to the shippuden experience.

[achilleslyre]

i cannot take the uchiha brothers rn……… i’ve been thinking about them far to much

[blacklegsanjiii]

Aahh your addition to actually girl sanji was amazing ✨ thank you

Its so funny to have them realising all the way to WCI/Wano, theyre all so silly. ALSO CHOPPER- He's new to the crew and giving them all a check up to get up to date with their physicals and he's all like 'dont worry Sanji your secret is save with me!! I wont tell anybody!!' And sanji thinks he's actually talking about the nr 3 burnmark (hc of mine that judge labeled all his children) so she's very thankful to him

Omg and the ship options... To many possibilities to choose from... Luffy going 'HES NOT A PRETTY BUT SHES A PRETTY GIRL?!!' Literally no fucks given nothing changes but he looveess the clothes and makeup nami gives sanji to wear (the liploss tastes like fruit and the dress fabric is so softt!!!)

Or sanami... Nami feeling attracted to sanji even though she's a lesbian and heaving a sexuality crisis cause is she bisexual??? But no she's still a major lesbian (or even funnier no attraction until its 'stupid guy -> stupid girl??!!!'

Honestly east blue poly would be funny as hell, so many possibilities

Also (sorry im rambling) SHES ZEFFS LITTLE GIRL 💥💥when she left with luffy, zeff 100% threatened the shit out of him (he also did this in canon but with his mind UvU) idk i fucking adore zeff and sanji protective of each other

And lastly??? All the regulars knowing??? Amazing, show stopping, ground breaking. Theyre coming to the baratie not seeing the cute waitress and when asked the staff says she has become a pirate cook of the strawhats

But whenever there's news its always talking about a guy and the wanted pictures are not so helpfull... So many possibility...

Have a nice day! Hope you had/have fun at your con :D

I'm so glad you enjoyed them! Fem!Sanji is fun to write, especially when no one knows she's a girl because how can you not know? She is Zeff's little girl! The dumb brat he gave up a leg for on a rock! She is his pride and joy, and everyone knows this!! Also, I love the idea of the burn mark and the confusion therein for Sanji because Chopper thinks she's trans masc when she's not, she's just waiting for her mom's genes to kick in more. Also the shipping, I agree with East Blue Polycule because you can fit all that in together in one go and no one is going ask questions. But I'm getting ahead of myself and skipping to the regulars first so that I can get some funny scenarios out of my head first.

First, Mihawk has watched this girl grow up and probably saw the fall out after shortly after Zeff butchered her hair. When he asked about it, he gave Zeff the most unimpressed look Zeff has ever received because good fuck he could have just braided it until they got into town? That's all he says about that because Sanji is still upset her hair is gone. Then some years later he's calling Zeff and asking when Sanji changed her gender and Zeff is confused because she hasn't but anyone and everyone are calling her a boy, even that crew she set off with. Mihawk is staring out of his office with the denden with an empty gaze as the greenhaired moron he almost slaughtered on the deck of Baratie is in his castle with one of his fellow warlords first mates and he's having a time but at least that hasn't changed.

Buggy is also probably really confused about 'Black Leg Sanji' and "his feats" and when Garp is arresting him they're debating whether or not Sanji would be a good marine until Garp calls her a boy and Buggy corrects him. Garp is staring down at the clown who looks back and is like 'wait, wait. Zeff's called her "princess" and you never questioned why he would call his son that?' to Garp's non-committal shrug of 'He's Zeff.' which, okay yeah, sure. It's Zeff but Zeff never used it in a derogatory manor. Sanji is quite literally his princess. She is the princess of the Baratie that Buggy used to do card tricks for because Zeff had no idea what the hell to do with kids.

Now onto the hilarity because East Blue Poly would be exceptionally hilarious. They all start dating and Sanji thinks Nami is going through a sexuality crisis because she's a girl where as Nami thinks Sanji's a boy and it's never cleared up. Sanji looks particularly butch because it made her life easier at Baratie, and she doesn't want to ruin dresses and skirts and blouses with cooking or blood. She also just never really wore make up unless Baratie was closed for some celebration or something, when she had a reason to doll up because she was so busy. Also she wakes up and goes to bed before and after everyone else so no one catches she's a girl. I think the hilarious exception of Ace clocking it in Alabasta and telling Luffy he's got the prettiest girl and the best cook wrapped in one is an amazing thing and Luffy goes with it but still asks why Ace called Sanji a girl and Ace is confused now. They never clear it up.

When Sanji is training and everyone is talking about forcing her into dresses Sanji is like 'I don't need to be forced, I love dresses! I just don't like ruining them with blood.' and coming back to Sabaody with a few dresses, skirts, blouses, more fem clothing and everyone is like 'you don't have to wear those if they make you uncomfortable' is sending some weird messages to her so she just doesn't wear them still. For the wrong reasons and everyone is confused. Like WCI when Sanji's in her wedding dress and fighting and mourning the blood on the dress and Luffy and Nami are asking her why she's in one because she doesn't wear that stuff and Sanji says she thought they didn't like them on her and the very quick explanation of 'we thought you were a boy!' is Sanji going 'How?' as Nami complains she had a sexuality crisis for nothing until Luffy asks about him, Zoro, and Usopp; Nami concedes that the crisis wasn't for nothing then.

Nami makes sure she's in a kimono like she and Robin are as an apology because they didn't realize that Sanji was a girl and was just dressing for convenience, she's not a boy and was a princess and she is loved.

Also my con was lovely but I'm so glad it's over.

[aihaitahm]

BLADE IS THE ONLY THING ON MY MIND RN CAN U PLS DO MODERN AU BLADE ON A LATE NIGHT MOTORCYCLE RIDE WITH READER I WOULD ACRUALLY DIE

modern au! various with gn! reader

my anons love blade 🙏ples dont die 😿 but i do not blame you at all i also want to add other chars in it too hope u dont mind anon<3

characters: blade, kafka, alhaitham

cw: suggestive. also im not really a tech person im sorry if i dont kno much abt motorcycles😭

biker! blade

you knew your boyfriend rode motorcycles and are a fan of it. you often bought him equipment during special occassions and he appreciates you for that. you found it really hot whenever he wore his gear and how majestic he looks whenever he removes his helmet, revealing his pretty face. you guys may or may not have done it on his motorbike.

he would try to convince you to ride with him. if youre scared he’d try to calm you down and drive in short distances. he loves the feeling of your fingers hugging his waist and feeling your warmth against him.

if you knew how to ride motorcycles, he would be very impressed and have fun with you. wouldnt be able to stop staring as you remove your helmet from your cute face. you suggested to match equipment and helmets but he was like “thats cringy” as he was picking matching equipment in the store with his cheeks going bright red.

hungry? need a snack or two? well thats when you usually both go out on late nights. its very peaceful and enjoys these rides with you more than anything else in the world. or when he wants to bring you to see the beautiful view of the city for your late night dates, this is a common occurence.

“what snack should we buy? something on your mind bladie?”

“you.”

“s-stop being cheesy. the light went green and focus on the road.”

model! kafka

you are her biggest fan. her only biggest fan!!!! you always go to her runway shows and you support her so much. she enjoys seeing you in the crowd and would maybe wink at you if she had the chance.

loves the privacy between you both. kafka can get easily burnt out if she has to be out for too long and paparazzi always up her ass. she recharges with you and she finds peace in you. would just lay in bed with you all day.

whenever she gets interviews, she always has the habit to mention you and to thank you. she really loves you afterall so you deserve it. she also goes pink when she talks about you and it is very noticeable on tv.

“ah my (name) always supports me and i love them the most.~ you should support them too!”

you are her personal photographer and she loves how you picture her. whether it was a serious picture or funny cute picture of her, she notices how you have multiple background themes just of her. she would return the favor too yk! would model you lingerie in private.

loves to dress you up or put makeup on you. would sit on your lap as she does your eyeshadow properly would kiss you on the nose if you stay still<3

would invite you to go on trips with her and would pay for you if needed. she is your /sugar mommy girlfriend after all and she would buy anything for you. or if you cant go, the type to bring you gifts home.

gamer! alhaitham

sorry… very self indulgent but he would play videogames to pass time or if they have interesting plots or characters. the type to hyperanalyze and make theories about the plots and be absolutely reasonable with them.

since he is known to always have headphones on, he usually would just play videogame music. LOL what a nerdy feeble scholar but anyway, he likes to listen to those while reading sometimes.

the type to play shirtless all the time. he notices you stare and would let you stare. he would tease you a lot too.

“you see something you like?”

“use your words.”

he doesnt rage but he does cuss under his breath and just groan. hes naturally good at everything so why cant he do this puzzle? he would ask for your help because sometimes, he misses on small details focusing only on the obvious ones.

loves when you watch him play or when you play together. he likes spending time with you even if you can be bad at games. he has an excuse to teach you. the type to put his hands over yours when hes trying to demonstrate something to you. (this is so hot i actually squealed >_<)

wouldnt neglect you if you ask him for attention! would pause the game and kiss you then resume. likes to place you on his lap and rest his chin on your head or shoulder while he is playing.

has a schedule with his books, studies/work, gaming and of course you. he does go out when his friends ask him though he’d rather bring you along because he misses you easily.

[al6nst]

do you have any mugi headcanons?

uhuh, nsfw and sfw if thats what yer askin!

☆ hcs with tsumugi aoba

sketch info, nsfw + sfw, dom/sub hcs, romance, semi cringe/bad writing, character hcs, personal tsumugi/modern mugi, relationship hcs, gn reader/both genders mentioned, no pronouns used

SFW SECTION !

the first time the two of you met was at a small party between groups of friends. and you thought he was an asshole because of the way he spoke, but you later found out through natsume it's just him speaking his mind. "ah, you look horrible.." was the first thing he said, but it was true. honestly, you couldnt even be offended with how blunt he was, it was funny even..

dates usually consist of eating or watching movies, but at first, it was awkward. accidentally looking into eachothers eyes and looking away at the speed of light, eye contact wasnt really his thing at first. "we really are dating?.." your first kisses together were even more awkward, him staring into your eyes nervously, averting your gaze. and then it happens, your lips touch. and he tastes like sweets, its unbelievable. hes literally almost panicking.

gifts and going on dates are also in the picture if you suggest them, hes a good listener when he needs to be, and when you ask him to open up, he kinda, shuts down at first but i know hes gonna put in the effort in trying to make you feel better. trust is key to a healthy relationship. His honesty is also upped to a hundred, which is kind of worse, but it's nice to see how he feels about you and others. his self-depricating talks also bring up a bit of a concern, and you take it not with a grain of salt and end up talking to him about it and helping him feel less that way.

i know he would introduce you to his roomates and other acquaintances as well!

body hcs too, twinky tsumugi is for me, but its kind of a turn off in some ways!!!!! :/, hes got a decent amount of muscle, not too much, not too little. his legs are muscular though, like.. woah. step on me or sumn

ive got no more ideas for this section, soz!

mdni forr thus sectoons ahshgs

NSFW AHEAD, sex.. sex? yeah

i think he would choose to sub at first cause, yes, he's very pent up. i think he would sub automatically if you asked, fem or not. back to the first time, its extremely romantic and kind of heated, hes very touchy and gets into teasing you. also very vanilla the first few times unless either of you bring it up.

kissing, yes yes alot of that. he enjoys being on the receiving end of it, but will not disappoint if you wanna be kissed too. his dick is pretty big. it's pretty long and not too thick. his cum his salty, but has a sweet taste to it like everything else. hes very sensitive and his nipples get so swollen really fast its kind of concerning. i think tsumugi would lactate if he could, and thats where gnc afab mugi comes in!!! his chest as a guy is pretty large cause its mostly muscle, but afab mugis boobs are... yknow, huge. squishy and soft, and when he does end up pregnant or some unknown being comes and gives him the ability to lactate it is amazing, not just for you, for him too.

his milk is even sweeter. thats all ive got to say, dont wanna get too in depth about my love for boobs. Hes okay with somno and sensory deprivation, biting is also up there. his huge turn offs are cnc, and extremely public settings. hes okay with semi public, like under his desk getting support when hes playing games or getting work done, and hes good with his mouth when you need it too. and being tied up is one of the things thatll make him lose his mind.

subby mugi is the best, he whines alot, whispering in desperation, and exaustion. overstimulation turns him into a, yknow, slut? i dont know if thats the right word, but he goes crazy after cumming a few times. he even starts begging, literally pleading with tears in his eyes for more. hes a bit freaky and moves alot, explanation on the freaky part, i think spanking is one of the things he would try further in the relationship

dom tsumugi is even better, hes not exactly ruthless, but he knows how to do it well. like completing the hardest game on the first try without tutorials. again, hes very touchy and finds your sweet spots with extra care, focusing on your expressions and noises. he likes giving and taking backshots, but more romantic positions like spooning, if your a girl, closed missionary would be his go to choice when youre both tired, if your a guy, he gets more risky with double blindfolding and holds you even closer, his hands roaming everywhere that theey can reach.

dont know what else to add, again, soz..

an : this seems lazy and doesnt feel in character to me, i havent read most of the story cause im jp only, so sorry if this feels weird if i mischaracterized him, made sure not to get too freaky incase you didnt want it... i finished this at 1:15

[parasitoidism]

sending you walter after u sent me jonathan #dialectics

waoh its like cause like law and chaos are the same woawwwwwwwww

favorite thing about them

I do really like that he's such a little asshole sometimes like he just talks shit about people and demons right in front of them its really funny LOL but aside from that I just really like how .. clear his line of thinking is? Like it just makes so much fucking sense exactly how his life experiences and the structure of mikado's society led him from point a to point b in the course of the story because its like soooo fucked up. And it's just like this thing with him and jonathan where it's like he IS being manipulated and the .. conclusion he reaches is really not sound but the way Jonathan just can't understand that he's not just being corrupted by a demon and actually has reasons for feeling the way he does which like in turn drives them apart even more is like ooh its so good

least favorite thing about them

Oh walter i understand where your feelings are coming from but trying to create a world where the strongest survive isn't very based of you

favorite line

I have been thinking about the way he brings up Issachar to Flynn a lot recently and I think it's like... It is ultimately manipulative right. Like he is at the end of the day bringing up Flynn's dead friend whenever he's trying to get Flynn on his side like yeah he's using that tragedy to appeal to his emotions and especially in the YPR scene he's just flat out saying "If my worldview is fulfilled, what happened to Issachar will never happen to anyone else". But I don't think it's just like "Oh I'm just going to say whatever I have to in order to get this guy on my side" I think he really does believe it like he always has this sense of camaraderie with Flynn because they're both casualries throughout the whole game and I think he probably saw himself in Issachar in his last moments which is why this one at shen duque has been sticking with me because he's directly repeating Issachar's last words about "changing this rotten world". Like I think that did genuinely affect him and him invoking Issachar and his fate the way he does is his way of being like, his way of trying to get Flynn to understand what he believes to be true, that his world will never result in that kind of injustice again. IN MY CUTE LITTLE OPINION AS THEY SAY

brOTP

I THINK HE AND ISABEAU SHOULD HANG OUT MORE for the parallels bro the parallels does anyone else see the parallels Walter and Isabeau both have the thing of like being raised with a singular expectation for what the rest of their lives will look like (fisher for walter monk/monastery work for isabeau) and then being chosen as samurai instead like I think IDK i just think. i think about things sometimes.

OTP

Jonathan and Walter are really good like notice how although they do get along with and respect each other they can never fundamentally understand each other. notice how it was always fated to end before it could even begin

nOTP

uhhh Idk. I can't really think of any ships that I hate in smtiv because nobody really gives af about this game like that it's just me and my mind palace and like a few other people's mind palaces

random headcanon

Second oldest child with an older sister and 2 younger brothers idk when this popped into my head but it just did one day and now it's just like. i believe it.

unpopular opinion

People focus on the Hoy thing but that's just like a way that all the casualries talk in this game like Hope also says it a lot but I think the funniest thing about the way he talks is that he says shit like HELLS BELLS all the time like he's an old woman

song i associate with them

I DONT HAAVE ONE again like theres only a few characters I have Songs For

favorite picture of them

I only read like 2 chapters of it but the artist of demonic gene draws him very cutely

[andreabaideas]

For the character ask- Billy, Camila, and Julia Dunne

Ok. I'm just doing the Billy one, cause i've already seen for Camila..I dont like to be unoriginal and as i saw none for him, so here I am. Julia IS too little time there to do the whole questionary about her. I dont like empty answers. So Billy It IS.

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

4. If you could put this character in any othermedia, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

11. Would you date this character?

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

14.Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character?(Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

23. Favorite picture of this character?

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

26. What's something the character has done you can't get over? Be it something funny, bad, good,serious, whatever?

27. FREEBIE QUESTION!!

Billy Dunne :

I like him because he is complicated , he is a tortured artist and he is trying to be better , he is messy and he is very entertaining to watch. He is intense and I like it.

He is trying to be better. And his casting : Sam Claflin.

He is a liar Who lies.

Something of horror like American Horror Story or The Walking Dead. Maybe something vampirical. I think he could be a good Vampire. Maybe a Twilight crossover.

His own TV show music. This is me trying by Taylor Swift or I am mine by Pearl Jam.

Not much. We both like : Rock music , the Six band, Camila and Daisy.

Uff, difficult one, I usually just like romantic things related to pairings in that fandom, Its not very imaginative tbh. I like plenty Daisily short fics. I dont like most of the long ones tbh. I should write what I would like to see.

Writing him as a bad dad.

Yes, probably.

I think so, he's body* (someone Who occupies all the space) and bossy , but i'm adaptable, I think we would be a nicer non romantic versión of Daisy and Billy (i'm nicer and less messy)

If i could , yes. I can change him, I can.

He is unable to Cook without accidents, he loves horror and thriller movies, he loves rainy days. He can imitate accents of every language to perfection, except spanish. He pretended to be British sometimes to get Girls at bars.

🙄🎸🤬🤨😍

Rocker man aesthetic with leather jacket or denim aesthetic.

I'm torn between Daisily and Camilly. I like Daisily more tbh, I find them more interesting as they create more conflict and make the official canons flow more. Also because I tend to like more couples that start enemies to lovers of sorts and that share killing "chemistry" by that I mean that they have to make me wonder Are they going to kill each other to fuck each other or both at once, Who knows?? But I liked Camilly too, I found the wholesome and tender.

The groupies and him.

With Karen, I Saw It once, and It kinda worked?

With Teddy. Also with his brother Graham. I like the family dinamics.

None

I think he could be best Friends with Teddy . They share many screentime.

I Hadn't written official fics yet, but I like him when he IS truthfull, for better or worse, also if he punches someone I dislike. I dont like he lies. I would make him braver and stop lying.

Make him be proactive, to choose not let others choose for him. Be clear with everyone. How he speaks romantically sometimes too. I dont like that they write him as a bad dad. Also he should sometimes be... humble? Or apologize when he IS wrong or be less proud. His ego could fill a whole stadium (I like that too so yeah)

All of them, like all.

24. I dont know, he IS very unique. On the ego thing maybe Lestat de Lioncourt or Edmond Dantes. But the rest makes him unique.

25. Book: he'll be a mother fucker. But Ill like him too. Show: He IS Hot , he IS going to be a motherfucker. I know i'll like him too. I already did in book. Actual: He IS less mean than i expected. I like him.

26. Good : He punched Nicky. He IS a great musician. The Schrodinger affair was very intense. He knocked at Daisy door in the end. Bad: He didn't went to his own daughter birth in all canons. He IS a lying liar Who lies. That he straightened his hair.

27. I dont know. ???

[likeadog]

making a copy of this bc op disabled reblogs and i just got reminded it existed and would like to not lose it

ok so . im outing myself to the world but thats fine this is too funny to not share

so. ive run a roleplay blog for a few years. i keep it separate from my main, yknow, its just a side hobby and ive been doing it since i was like, 12. its cringe but hey yknow at least im not 30 and writing ya novels

now its pretty common for rp blogs these days to have rules. right? you dont want to just bag any weirdo on this website, and as you can imagine bnha roleplayers are batshit crazy (see: conversion therapy todoroki) so mine are pretty strict and detailed. because ive been doing it long enough to be exposed to what counts as carbon monoxide poison from a screen. one of those rules is "if youre mutuals with people who write porn of the kids even aged up im blocking you we're keeping a ten foot pole on this". because as a 20 year old man i have a healthy disinterest in seeing paragraphs of teenagers fucking

so the dash is astir with talk of a guy writing age up bakugou porn and im like ok whatever. make a post bitching about it . mutual likes those posts but then the mutual is turning around and being buddy buddy with this guy so i dm the mutual like hey whats going on here . mutual is like "well why dont you talk it out with him hes not as mean as he seems i prommy" and im like sure whatever i can have civil conversation and if it ends with One Less Person writing weirdo porn then i might be able to get into heaven

so i dm him and he loses his fucking mind. it lasted all of 10 minutes because he was sending paragraphs like this and i was too tired to give a shit

(take note of my icon thats a special tool thatll help us later)

(also he goes by the name rxgelord. WITH the x. thats also important just because its funny as fuck)

so the guys clearly bothered by the idea that people might possibly talk about him without his permission and im a little miffed after being misgendered (which hed do again later) so i just post our dms. swing first and hey batter batter lets play ball i dont give a shit this is bnha roleplay

once again: loses his damn mind. he makes a psa post about me talking about how im just some pussy infant and hes too HARD for me and shit and also they do bakudeku muffin roleplay in the comments of that post which is fucking insane

anyway. at one point while joking about the whole thing i called him a "wannabe bakugou kinnie" as a joke and apparently he felt a very serious need to address this

and im like holllllllllllllly fucking shit

you may have noticed that his posts are incredibly over-formatted. this goes for everything he does he is pouring a LOT of time and energy into typing his 9 paragraphs about how im an insane bitch or whatever. (if theres literally one thing i can give him credit on its that his graphic editing skills are kinda good. i will be honest) his rules document is also just as insane and features gems such as:

(this dude thinks hes pulling bitches on a bnha roleplay blog)

so we're just full on ragging on him at this point and hes getting MADDDDDDD MAD. he misgenders me again and when i point it out he has the following excuse:

(art by @/pcktknife. anyways)

after a certain point i get dmd an old copy of a 130+ page callout he had a year prior and im like WHAT and it included his yugioh rp blog career and various allegations like having been involved in gang violence, doxxing, etc. also a picture of the hickies he bragged about leaving on his uwu pink glitter gf which looked more like he was trying to go for the killing bite but hey. yknow. apparently im a toddler idk how that works

along in this we also find his twitch account, which was under the name rxgelord, and it featured edited graphics of his real life face with bakugou. he posts selfies a lot too i wont share them even if theyre public but he has knuckle tats and a goatee and uses the greyscale filter. if this gives you an idea. he also had 5 twitch followers and detailed his desire to be a rapper/dj and im like holllllly fucking shit this guy cant be a real person. holy fuck.

anyways. skipping a lot of unnecessary bullshit and paragraphs of text with gifs from 2013 attached hes constantly going on about how we wont just "say it to his face" which i think is hilarious bc i was, the entire time. but im like ok fine you want me so bad

so i send him this. he posts about how "he won when he got all might" (for some reason hes calling my ex mutual by the character name. i dont know) and then hasnt posted in 4 days. he deleted his twitch. im a little worried bakugou. dont say that. may have actually chased this man off the internet . to go have real life sex with his real life girlfriend so he isnt so mad

anyway we ended up turning one of his posts into an eminem uberduck

im honestly probably forgetting something this was so much and it was so fucking funny and honestly im glad to have been there

update: he has not in fact posted since last summer. god bless.

[whumpitisthen]

If you ever feel so fancy as to do a part 2 or similar drabble to instincts i will be available to tattoo it on the entire landscape of my back and/or worship it throughly 👀🙏🙏

i dont usually write second parts, but i do also like that one a lot, and you asked very politely......

first part

Lonely...

"Wh-Why do you do this?"

He's been sitting there for a solid ten minutes in complete silence, enduring the maddening, constant scrutiny glaring from his left side. The tea he has prepared is swiftly growing lukewarm, no longer steaming languidly on the coffee table. He hadn't dared to move an inch once it perched next to him, weighing heavily on his mind and on the sofa cushions as its presence grew and materialised so close, so dangerous.

He hoped it would leave him alone today. It hadn't visited for a few days, — not in a physical way, only as an ever unnerving pressure on his body that wouldn't go away. Yet, that hadn't stopped the nightmares worming their way into his brain each time he tried resting while it was around. He is tired, and weary, and weak. That is why he planned on a serene little movie night spent in front of the mind numbing screen, on his own; to hopefully distract him, or even put him in a mercifully dreamless sleep. He desperately wished it would leave him just a little longer.

However, it seems it knew just the worst time to 'come see him' — as it so likes to put it. More like break into his home, harass him, question him and then torture him, only to leave him in a state barely sufficient to let him patch himself up for next time. Or stay and do it itself, making the healing stage into another opportunity to learn about humans as it messily fixes him up like one would a machine.

'Why? Why do you feel the need to do these things to me?'

He can feel it blink at him, can see its head tilt to the side, and can almost hear the phrase come before it murmurs, — "I do not understand."

Of course it doesn’t, this is perfectly normal for it. Nothing out of the ordinary.

“Nevermind,” — he tries, already knowing that it’s too late.

As expected, it growls impatiently, yet somehow, he can’t find it in himself to do more than squeeze his eyes shut and sigh, instead of flinching and curling into himself.

“I do not like when you don’t answer me. What do I do that awakens your curiosity?”

That’s one way to put it. Curiosity.

“You just, just stare at me all the time. I know you do, eve-, even when you’re not, when I can’t see you.”

“I am here to learn from you. That’s all I ever want,” — it replies matter-of-factly.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” — he murmurs, voice full of a hopelessness that only a severe lack of sleep and a terrifyingly inescapable situation can bring.

“I do not. There is nothing better for me to do. I enjoy this the most,” — it exclaims happily, unaware of the offending tone he used. Sometimes, it’s fortunate that it doesn’t get how parts of the human speech works, such as sarcasm, or expressions.

He doesn’t say anything, and that confuses it. He simply stares at the moving pictures on the television blankly. It feels his nerves lit on fire, yet it's a much fainter feeling, and his reactions are wholly uninteresting. In turn, that almost makes them more interesting to the creature. It wants to know what’s wrong with the human today.

“You are boring. Why are you boring,” — it asks, though the sentence ends in more of a period than a question mark. It’s quite funny, the way it asks things sometimes. He smiles to himself, knowing full well delirium must be hitting him hard for him to find the courage to smile in the presence of this monstrosity, fully capable of tearing him in half in a split second if he doesn’t supply it with entertainment and learning opportunities. It would find joy in it as well.

“Why am I boring?” — he asks, holding back a giggle. He still doesn’t look at it. He would quickly lose his humour if he did.

“Yes.”

“What do you mean? Why am I boring?”

It falls quiet for a moment, glancing at the TV again.

“You do not care that I am here.”

He knows he should not, but his mind only finds the situation more hilarious with every word.

“What, are you, y-you getting lonely now? Should I grab a blanket and cuddle close, so you feel loved?” — he chortles.

It finds his tone unnatural. It doesn’t understand it, but it makes it feel wrong. Small. It feels small.

“Am I lonely? Explain, please.”

He only taught it pleasantries like please and thank you some number of weeks ago — it still feels entirely unnatural to hear it say the word he has said to it so many times before, to no avail. It says it like it couldn’t just pull an answer out of him with no issue. It has learned to be more patient, at least.

“Do you not know what loneliness is?”

“I asked you so. Why do you sound like that? You sound wrong,” — it remarks, certainly perplexed by his relatively calm demeanour. It is so used to watching him panicking and stuttering up a storm, flinching at every little movement, that hearing any amount of confidence or joy, and feeling any amount of serenity emanating off of him is throwing it off. It must feel very wrong to be looked at with anything more than wild fear to it.

“Don’t worry about it. Anyway, loneliness is like… It has to do with being alone, obviously.”

“It’s not very obvious to me,” — it grumbles.

“Yeah, I know, I know. I-It’s… kind of hard to explain, honestly. Um… It’s when you feel sad, when you are alone. Like when you’re on your own and there’s no-one to talk to. It’s depressing. So most people find someone else to, to help with that feeling, so they are no longer alone. That’s loneliness.”

“Hm…” — It thinks for a while. He can see it struggling with the concept, already trying to think of another way to explain before it asks. What it says next surprises him however, — “being alone doesn’t feel bad. I am always alone. You said when something feels bad it is because whatever is happening should not be happening. It’s not unnatural, therefore it isn’t bad.”

His smile disappears. Of course. Humans are social creatures, surviving by building relationships and helping each other out. It isn’t a human. He doesn’t know how it feels about being around another one of its kind. Is there another one of it? He doesn’t dare think about that.

“W-Well… It’s a human thing, I guess. We survived so long, and got to um, where we are by being there for each other, but I g-guess you don’t need that, do you?”

“I have noticed there are many humans near each other. It is rare to find one all alone. I assumed it was like how it is with ants or bees. Is that not right?” — it wonders.

“Not really. It’s more, um… familial? Like a pack of wolves or something. I don’t think bees take care of each other, only their queen and larvae.”

“I see. So what does it feel like? Being lonely?”

He bites back a yawn, swallowing it down. He reaches for the popcorn on the coffee table, deciding he might as well snack before it ultimately decides to hurt him at some point tonight. He hasn’t found the motivation to eat much all day.

What does loneliness feel like? How is he supposed to explain that to a thing that might not even have another one of its kind?

“Uhm… It’s a bad feeling. For us, at least. You feel like… You need to be around someone. Depending on how bad it is, you, uh, might even feel the need to be around strangers. It feels like you are going mad. Like, uhm… I don’t know, like crushing? Hopeless? This one’s… hard to explain,” — he finished, throwing some more popcorn into his mouth. He is watching the movie on the screen, but his brain is not picking up on anything that’s going on around him besides the creature next to him.

“Hm…”

It doesn’t say anything for a long time. So long, in fact, that he would almost forget about it entirely if it didn't shuffle closer to him, watching him intently for a reaction. Even through the thick haze of fog engulfing his brain, he tenses and shuffles away on instinct.

"You are not lonely," — it decides. It doesn't understand still what loneliness is; otherwise it would know that he is lonely enough to crave human interaction of absolutely any kind, enough that he sometimes dreams that the creature that follows him around wherever he goes isn't such a horrid being, that he managed to teach it how to be human and no longer hurt him and to care for him like another person would. He hallucinates, sometimes, because he's just that lonely. Or maybe it's just the sleep deprivation. Both.

"Why do you think that?" — he inquires, half-caring about the answer.

"Because I accompany you. You are never truly alone. You do not crave my touch. You are not lonely."

"And you are not a person. Why would I care about any of that?" — he snaps suddenly.

It goes silent again, and his very soul is trembling. He knows he messed up, he shouldn't have said that, even it isn't dense enough to miss a direct insult. The glare coming from the side is burning him, and he subconsciously apologises in his mind, almost certain it can hear it. He's so tired, he just wants to pass out already.

When it finally chirps up again, he fully expects a claw to tear at his face, — "I am not a human. But I am a person still." — He only now realises that it isn't looking at him anymore. It's an awfully unusual feeling, to feel its presence but not its gaze, — "is that not right? Can I not be a person if I am not a human?"

Now it's his turn to think. He never thought about it like that. When he says person, he immediately thinks of a human, but if that's how it is — does that mean that another intelligent alien race, for example, would not be considered people? A member of them wouldn't be a person? That doesn't sound right.

Why is he thinking about this like he's afraid to hurt this monster? Why did it sound like it was hurt by his words? It didn't, he just has empathy and assumed he had hurt it. Like a person. Or a human would, at least. Then again, there are shitty humans out there too.

"I'm… sorry," — he says, unsure how to answer in a way as to not dig himself into a deeper hole, — "I just never thought of anyone to be a person if they aren't, um, human. But you're not like, an a-animal or something, are you? So you are still a person. I think."

"What does being a person mean to humans? I thought being a person meant having higher intelligence than animals, but that doesn't seem to be true. You are not answering me straight," — it accuses him curiously. Its gaze is back on him, watching him again. Its voice is a little deeper, and he assumes it's because he has angered him. He wishes it would just get it over with and attack already.

"I-It-, I'm n-not sure! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, i-it was an honest mistake — I just never really thought about you that way…"

"If you do not see me as a person, then what do you see me as? Am I really an animal to you?" — it questions relentlessly, leering down at him with an intensity that feels like a physical weight is crushing his body into the sofa, curling into itself, — "you see me as a critter."

"No, no, no I don't! I-I just don't know what you are! You're not a human, nor an animal, but I have no idea what to f-, call you! Pl-ease, I swear I d-didn't mean it!" — he clambers to apologise, already gathering tears behind eyes squeezed shut, lifting his arms to shield his head from claws flying through the air. To his surprise — and relief — none comes.

“...Am I lonely?” — it asks itself, all animosity gone from its voice, — “I do not know. I have always been alone.”

When nothing else is said for long enough, he uncurls his arms from over him and finally summons the courage to look at the creature next to him. It is once again deep in thought, trying to figure out if it feels lonely or not. No matter how many times he is forced to gaze upon it, his skin crawls all the same. An inky blackness of eyes and claws, long thin limbs appearing and disappearing at its will. Sometimes it has long, dripping hair, other times horns or antlers. He can only guess it changes its form depending on its mood that day. It barely looks humanoid, some demon of hell — he had to learn how to sense its emotions through its rough cover of shadows himself through trial and error, and still he has trouble understanding it fully. He doesn’t get a chance, most times, as he is the one being questioned, or tormented. This time is different. Unusual.

He releases a shaky exhale and swallows, feeling his tired heart beat an almost painful rhythm against his chest. It’s dizzying, to be so stressed when his brain is barely functioning from lack of sleep. He finds it hard to sit, and leans to the side instead, catching himself on the arm of the couch. Though curious, even if he dared to say anything more to it, he is having trouble getting his thoughts in order long enough for his brain to sew together a sentence.

“If I was lonely, that would mean I would want to be around other people. Interact with them. I interact with you a lot. Maybe I am lonely.” — It goes quiet periodically, trying to decide for itself, but it doesn’t seem very successful at doing so. — “I don’t understand,” — it comes to say finally, turning to him again for more answers. It seems unbothered by his state.

“Uh-uhm… Mm… Maybe I said it wrong. I don’t think it’s um, only your own kind you want to be around. Wh-When you’re lonely, I mean. Sometimes, when I’m lonely, it helps to just hang out with some of the, uh, stray cats that w-wander up to my windows, sometimes. I, I um, like petting them. And their purring. They’re very nice to, to me…” — he mumbles, hoping that no more questions come, as he is having more and more trouble resisting the ever gentler pull of unconsciousness.

"You crave affection from animals?" — it coos at him, almost mocking, but not for long, suddenly growing silent again. It makes a groan, a sound akin to some kind of wild raccoon, and he has no idea what it means — yet, upon looking at it, it's clear it is growing restless. — "...Affection from less intelligent beings. Helps with loneliness. Am I lonely? Am I lonely?" — It repeats the question for the hundredth time, asking itself more so than him by now. It seems frustrated. The clawed ends of its slender fingers flex around a pillow. On one hand, he finds it humorous, the act reminding him of kitties making biscuits — on the other, he is so relieved those sharp things aren't digging into his abdomen yet.

"If you have to, t-to think about it this long, you probably are. You just, d-don't wanna ad-admit to it," — comes his wavering voice, supplying it with more confusion. It retaliates by placing one of its hands around his closest ankle, sending a harsh shiver all the way up to the nape of his neck. The way it closes those frigid digits around his leg wakes him right back up — a familiar feeling, to be woken up so ruthlessly by it. It tilts its head at him again, clearly bothered by his accusations.

"How could I admit to something I don't understand? That sounds moronic. You are stupid," — it growls triumphantly, reminding him of his sister. So quick to anger, and just as stubborn. Except he isn't quite as afraid of his little baby sister as he is of this cosmic horror gripping at him with its ice cold sharpened appendages. The horror that is probably trying to grin, and instead only succeeds at showing off all of its terrifying sets of teeth in a horrid snarl. He had not realised until this moment that it has a mouth on its torso, cleaving it in half as it opens. He has acquired a new fear.

His mind is overrun with images of the thing pulling him towards its horrifying torso-mouth by the ankle in its grasp, chewing him up bit by bit as it keeps pulling him deeper and deeper into its disgusting, black, tar body, mauling him completely. If he managed to survive the mutilation, the rest of him would be tossed into a vat of acid that is its stomach, digested agonisingly slowly. His wide, purple-black, terrified eyes are stuck on it, and it notices his staring, unfortunately, before he could.

"Wh-, y… yes, y-y-you're right. Maybe I am. Please stop touching me now."

He can't help noticing its eyes crinkle in amusement, thoroughly enjoying bullying him into submission as it always does, — "You were being very brave today, all the way up until now. What's wrong?" — Its grip tightens, those blades it has the gall to call 'nails' already making paper cuts all along his exposed skin. One finger — a thumb, if it has any — is caressing the length of flesh slowly, back and forth, distressing him greatly. Its eyes glow unnaturally, glinting in the dark, and it hurts, it physically hurts his body to be so scared right now. His heart beats much too fast all too sudden, his breaths come quicker than he feels capable of, his skin crawls with the cold sweat covering the entirety of his back pressed against the armrest of the sofa. It watches him tense in its clutches with utmost glee, considering pulling him a little closer by the little red lines it already caused, just to hear him whimper at the burning pain. — "Don't tell me you've lost all conviction already?"

He barely remembers to reply, utterly lost in those intense eyes and rows upon rows of teeth grinning at him, — "Ih-, it was just, a joke! I wasn't being serious — p-please let go of me, I can't — "

"I am only joking too. Why are you so upset?" — It's laughing at him, it's mocking him, but he doesn't have the brainpower to even try pulling away, too wound up in his fear.

"I get it, I get it, just please, please just let go, I don't want to, I c-can't, I can't…"

It is so proud of itself, but he can't even be mad at it. All he notices is a glint in its eyes, a horrible sign he has learned to fear as much as the arrival of the abomination itself — it has got an idea.

It giggles to itself, and that sound feels like a promise of pain, — "I would let go, but, you see…" — It is leaning down over him once more, but it doesn't stop there. It comes closer and closer, grabbing hold of the back of the couch and another leg for balance, climbing on top of him, and his brain finally activates, much too late, to force him to struggle away. He can't anymore, not that it would have helped. — "I am just so lonely. So very lonely I am. I need interaction with other beings! I need to be very, very close to another person so I can feel their warmth. I need to touch them and keep them close. I need it, you see. I am very lonely."

"Ah-, wait n-, no, stop!"

Something is dripping onto him. Saliva, blood, who knows what it is.

"I'm so lonely…" — it muses, forcing his head back so it can bury its head under his chin.

It is breathing on him. He can feel its ice cold exhales right on his neck.

"Get off of me!" — he yells out in desperation, no longer caring to please it — he is positive he will scream if it starts nibbling on him.

"Huuu-mannn..." — it drawls lazily, draping itself over him. He can feel at least three pairs of limbs enveloping him and it's suffocating.

"God, just, just stop it already, please! I-I said I'm sorry," — his own voice quivers, suspiciously close to crying. He's certain it can feel him shivering.

"Mmm… No." — Its voice is reverberating through his entire chest. He gasps when a finger slides over a fresh enough bruise from their last meeting, the expulsion of air forming into a rather pathetic sound as he tries to choke it down.

He squirms under it, gasping for air, until he finally stops, grasping how truly futile it is to fight it. He lets out a defeated keen of misery, and sobs. He cries under it, no longer having the energy to care about what it thinks of him. Whether it finds him pathetic or amusing, whether it mocks him or hurts him. He wants to be anywhere but here.

It says nothing, for a while. It doesn't move, however. It must just be listening to him weeping, enjoying it as much as it was enjoying mocking him, just like it was enjoying going through with its devilish plan to get him to this point. That's all it ever wants; to watch him upset and hurt.

When it talks, it is so sudden he jumps in surprise, — "You are the lonely one here, truly. Unable to handle even this much affection."

He doesn't find it in himself to answer. He wishes it wasn't so good at hitting where it hurts. It snorts out something of a chuckle.

"If you ask me sweetly enough, I will consider purring for you. Like your stray cats."

No answer, not even a small sound of disdain aimed at it. It tries again.

"Would you like that?"

Nothing. Only calm breaths, long and peaceful.

It lifts its head to look at him, confused by the sudden change, and finds him passed out like a light. It hadn't known he was so tired. Maybe another effect of loneliness? It is unsure.

It hums in thought, watching him sleep like it always does. It's interesting to it; the concept of sleep. It loves the way its human looks while he is unconscious — it rarely sees him so content. It tried to sleep a couple times, but it doesn't think it succeeded.

"Lonely little human…. My lonely little human…" — it hums.

A haunting melody. Its voice sounds so unnatural and guttural, like a broken radio playing a broken record. It doesn't fully understand music yet either, so all it does is repeat the same tune and the same words. To it, it's comforting, while the human described it as a horror movie soundtrack. It doesn't matter to it; it likes humming.

"I like your company," — it murmurs, — "perhaps I am lonely too…"

It isn't sure, but what it is sure about, is that it likes comforting its human an awful lot. It doesn't think it comforted anyone before. It isn't even sure it's doing it right.

It feels right, at least, it thinks before clicking off the TV with a rush of static, and the darkness.

< Masterlist

[narcissusbrokenmirror]

Alex Mercer + catholic trauma really does something for me, i like reading fanfics abt it cuz it feels like home. shout out to all the projecting Alex writers out there.But i think its funny how inaccurate it is. not in a bad way ofc. But i have thoughts about 90's gay teen Alex. I need to get them out. But i think its funny how inaccurate it is. not in a bad way ofc. But i have thoughts about 90's gay teen Alex. I need to get them out.

I mean its the 90's, religion is not the only thing making people homophobic there, besides toxic masculinity being pretty much a thing, there was also the post aids moment, so despite the 90's not being the most homophobic era ever, gay people were like, a presence, on the social groups, especially on the art/acting/music scene. so, for me, it makes sense when Kenny Ortega says Alex was a proud character of his identity as a gay young man.

doesn't add up to me tho, being gay + proud + christian + in the 90's. like, you dont grow up proud of being queer if u spend your life hearing negative rhetoric about it. so i, personally, don't think Alex's family was religious.

Alex's family doesn't look religious and Alex doesn't seem into it, as well. Alex being confident, proud, relaxed and sarcastic brings me to think that he came from a very liberal family that was also homophobic. picture this with me.

the grunge/rock scene is full of people trying to make into a club that only people who look a certain way can be there, they're full of toxic masculinity behavior there. Alex's not like it, he knows better that rock is much more about expressing yourself through music and feeling with others, rather than how you look, you knows its bullshit. and im only mentioning this bc Alex doesn't dress like alt ppl usually do, he's always in this relaxed outfit, the same black sweatpants and different soft colored shirts and jackets, he doesn't put an effort to how he looks, he just wants to be comfortable. and not caring how you look as long as ur comfortable? rock behavior ig

Alex being confident and proud tells us about the background he came from. If his family considered him trustworthy and let Alex make his own choices without interfering even if they don't like it, certainly he did NOT came from a religious household.

Alex is a drummer, that shit expensive for you to just have a whole kit hanging around, so his parents probably got it for him, they supported his band and let him have his friends around, they were warm and loving, helping into building Alex's sense of self worth, which is very nice.

so we don't have anything concrete abt Alex's past relationships, but i guess he first came out to his band and then his parents, Luke says Alex never had a boyfriend, but Alex being so certain that he was having a mutual connection with Willie would feel weird if it was the first time Alex flirted with a guy. nah. He probably did met other gay boys on clubs and concerts, flirted, made out once or twice, maybe even gone on dates, you know, teenager things.

the shit happened when he came out to his parents and they gave him the cold shoulder and silence treatment. because they had reasons to not want their son to be gay. Gay people were seen as dirty, sick, perverted, pedophiles, promiscuous and also a target for violence. As a parent, they wouldn't want his son that they loved and supported so much to be associated with such a marginalized group. But it's their son, after all, they couldn't throw him away. So they didn't locked Alex away from his friends, wasn't thrown out of his house, wasn't forced to get that "fixed up". Because Alex was their son, but they didn't want that part of him there, they didn't wanted to know about it.

Alex having his friends over would always click a question on his parents' mind for what if they aren't just friends, what can they be doing together when they're not looking (bc you know, gay people dont have feelings or connections, its all about the sex), what else could Alex's dad think when he sees Luke sneaking out of Alex's room wearing his shirt? and the problem is centered around it happening near to them, whatever Alex does outside their roof is his business, but his homosexuality is not welcome on the Mercer's house. Although, they didn't felt comfortable around Alex anyway, bc inside their heads, they knew that he couldn't keep his homosexuality off when they were together. they couldn't process that their son would be a homosexual, they couldn't love that, they could love their son, but not that.

Alex probably knew that, probably thought that it would eventually stop and they would be normal, warm and loving again, that they would support him again, probably because he didn't had his parents' love hold against some condition, as if he had to earn it. (As it is pretty common in religious households) It doesn't mean he wouldn't get hurt from it, he did and it was a lot, the lack of love, attention and support that he got from his came out, after a life of being given proper dosis of love and being allowed to be who he was. By the way Alex deals with changes, that shit was probably getting to his head.

Alex knew he deserved better than being treated like that, he knew he deserved his family to love him bc they always did and that they shouldn't define him by one element that would always be a part of him, he knew he deserved it to be a part of his life, deserved to bring a nice guy he met home to meet his parents instead of sneaking them in and out like he had to live it secretly. He didn't wanted that, it wasn't fair to him. He shouldn't have to feel ashamed enough to hide it from his dad bc his dad shouldn't want him to be ashamed of himself.

Alex was decided to stop caring about his parents thought of him, even if it meant them not being a part of his life, not that he wanted it this way, bc he didn't. But if they could change once, they could change again.

[lannisterdaddyissues]

Mar im gonna need 3, 16, 20, 23 and 27 with bill cage <3

@calkale @sliderkerner WAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU MY BELOVED FRIENDS FOR INDULGING MY INSANITY I LOVE YOU GUYS <3333

1. My first impression of them hmm its funny bc i think i first watched edge of tomorrow in august and i was normal about it actually? i was like hm that was a good film but not the best of his movies for sure. i dont think i really understood most of it though so a rewatch was necessary, but that didn't happen until february and idk what clicked that didn't the first time but oh i am SOOOOOOOOOO insane about it now the lights are all flipped on

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like) i knew as soon as he tripped over the chair that i was going to love his stupid pathetic ass <3

3. A song that reminds me of them ill NEVER STOP SAYING THIS but 'the proof of your love' by for king & country it is SO bill-coded, so billrita-coded, it's literally their theme song idk what else you want me to say

however since i've said that one before i'm reccing 'undercover angel' by alan o'day because it would be one of those classics he used to love growing up and when he hears it again on the radio some time after they've gotten together he's like "rita oh my GOD do you know how to dance 🥺🥺🥺" and she's like "nooooooo not the fucking angel song, cage, come on-" but he teaches her how to waltz to it and . let me be delusional okay

16. A childhood headcanon wawawa.... baby bill.... hm i have several small ones but i firmly subscribe to the headcanon that he was actually born in georgia because his mom is from there (it would explain EVERYTHING about him, especially because i also hc that his personality was just copy-pasted directly from his mom) but he moved to cranbury when he was like one or two so he considers himself "from cranbury, born and raised" anyway

20. A weird headcanon ok uhhhh idk if this is weird but it IS oddly specific so! he can make one (1) pie recipe! it's blueberry pie (cranbury is famous for it, according to google) and rita LOVES it. she's definitely not a sugar person and rarely indulges in anything at all but she's such a sucker for that fucking pie and bill is always over the moon whenever she gives him That Look that means she wants another slice but is too proud to ask

23. Future headcanon he takes rita to visit cranbury a couple years after they both fall into place beside each other and it's a very emotionally healing experience for both of them. he tells her lots of silly meaningless little anecdotes from when he was growing up while giving her the grand tour and rita isn't a very sentimental person either but she can't help how easy it is to picture him living in that cute little town when he gets so chatty about it :,)

(also rita eventually takes him to her hometown in wolverhampton and reluctantly introduces him to her very alive, very normal parents because i said so)

27. If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who would be the most fun for them to meet? in my mind he and fix it felix jr get brunch every sunday to catch up about the horrors they have been through and gush about their sexy muscular action girlfriends. nobody can take this idea away from me

[kingofpolynya]

Burnout or love?

Tumblr looks different now, but I'm still the same. Still working in academia, doing phytoplankton stuff, but not in Japan. I move back to the UK in December 2021 after getting offered a postdoc in Liverpool. Hopefully in January, I'll start my permanent job at the National Oceanography Centre - as a marine biogeochemical model developer. Funny how 11 years ago, I had my first interview to be an Oceanography student. Now I'm going to work there. Time flies..

Life in Japan was quite miserable. I cheated on my (now ex) boyfriend with a colleague. It was a short affair too, but he ended our relationship. I tried making new friends, but I feel sort of worthless that girls in Japan are all very skinny and very prim and proper. I stopped eating breakfast, which spiralled into not eating anything. I ran 5k every evening, and swam 3k 3x a week. I have never felt this pretty before, but everyone said I looked like a holocaust survivor. I still love my job, but I hated everyone (apart from my boss) there. So I need a way out, and I ended up applying for a postdoc with this famous professor, and thanks to divine intervention I got the post. My mother said I am allowed to move back to the UK if I got to normal BMI, so I tried. I even got myself a psychiatrist and a cocktail of mind altering drugs. I just cant stand being surrounded by skinny Japanese girl, so I tried my best. Eventually, I got back to normal bmi after 5 months, and I also got my (ex) boyfriend back, but not for long.

The first year in Liverpool was fun, I get to do 3D and very complex model with many state variables, and different nutrients and plankton component. People were impressed with what I have done, until I joined a cruise from the Falkland Islands back to Southampton in February 2022. It was a 6 week cruise. My (then) boyfriend wasnt keen on me joining the cruise but I enjoyed it a lot. I love the routine, and seeing different plankton swimming about, talking to different scientists, and do yoga almost every day. I have never felt like a scientist before. Almost every day I strive to do my best.

However, after the cruise, I feel like something snapped, and I cannot do science anymore. I feel like it's hard to go back to the normal routine of looking at model output and wondering what might be going on in 2100, under RCP8.5 scenario. My brain fried so hard I think I failed every task. My boss even snapped at me for not being able to ask the 'big picture question'. Perhaps I'm a bad scientist from the beginning and its just somehow lots of people have been carrying me around. I feel like everything is blank and bleak. Maybe I should quit science?

I started getting my 'consciousness' back a few months ago, and only started to grasp what is happening after repeatedly being told off by my boss (what a man with infinite patience). I am starting to grasp what I can do and slowly crawling back into the depths of hell. However, since I know my boss is not keen on me as a postdoc, I decided that I have to leave. So I apply for a different job, a permanent one, and a job where I, hopefully, does not need to ask big picture question. I like getting stuck in and do the coding, and plot my results so I can brainstorm with others to see what is wrong with plankton? Why are things happening like this? I suppose I will never be at my boss' calibre.

Now everyday feels like I'm just trying to survive. I'm starting to hate going to the office and make small talk. I used to enjoy swimming, now it feels like a chore. Eating or cooking isn't enjoyable anymore. Cakes taste stale. I am living on microwaved rice and instant noodles. I dont want to be too skinny again, because I have never swam this fast. The pills that kept me sane dont seem to do their job anymore. All I want is just lay in bed and not doing anything, and cry.

I initially thought that I am starting to lose my sanity because I met someone on the cruise, and fell in love. I split up with my (ex) boyfriend just before I stepped on to dry land, to be with this guy. It worked and fortunately he loves me to. He moved in not long after we finished the cruise. I have never been with someone I love, and maybe this whole 'my brain is broken' thing is because my brain chemistry is not in balance. But I dont know, with him around life do get a bit easier, but all i want to do is just joking around with him and go for long walks on the beach. I cant be bothered doing science anymore, or even just living in general. Have I been showing symptoms of burnout?

I hope my new relationship will last forever. I do hope that he can see me shine, and stays in love with me. I hope my new job will bring me a some happiness, and can make me shine brighter than before.

[berryunho]

HONGJOONGISM JHRSEH I LOVE THAT NAME it sounds better than something like ateezism tbh cromerism mmmmmm no mmm halazism LMFAOOOOOOO no that sounds like a disease

to the anon that said they'd fold for san and joong.. ME TOO ITS OKAY (this is why san should NOT be killed off, i'll make a ppt for u with all the reasons why)

and abt korea, i'm sure u'll be fine!! i bet when it's over u won't even want to leave bc u had so much fun, fr. also, i hope ur week has been really good <3

-san anon

i took this ask as an excuse to tell a very random story that got super long SORRY BUT HI KDJLFAKDJFLASDF

HONGJOONGISMDLKF;JSADFJ ITS SO FUNNY LIKE PLS IMAGINE IF SCIENTOLOGY WAS CALLED LAYFAYETTISM OR IF BRANCH DAVIDIAN 7TH DAY ADVENTISM sheesh WAS BENJAMINISM OR THE PEOPLES TEMPLE WAS JIMISM LSKDFJL;ASDJFL;KS no cult leaders cant make it that obvious that they're just power-hungry maniacs (as i type this i realize the religion i was raised in [lutheranism] follows this and im . ANYWAYS)

anyways i dont even know what it was in this ask that originally made me have to tell the story that i just typed idk my brain does things sometimes but take this story:

on january 31 2022 i saw ateez in la and i was barricade and as part of my outfit i made a little captains patch out of an old pair of jeans and ~200 swarovski crystals i got on clearance at a craft store and pinned it on my che-- hold on here's a picture

i dont ... precisely remember why i made it but it took hours (distinctly remember watching the entire original star wars trilogy) and i had to use tweezers and there was super glue everywhere but as you can see it was EXTREMELY shiny like i wasnt planning on it but it mustve been eye catching af bc hj ........ im delusional this is delusion never mind BUT yall see this too or ?

that look has inspired so much inside of me its unnatural like if i hadnt already been writing him as a cult leader the idea wouldve been born in that moment bc i literally wouldve got on my knees for him instantly

ANYWASY I LITERALLY DO NOT REMEMBER WHY I STARTED THIS STORYROEASFKDJ UM ? yeah hongjoong <3

anyways yes please feel free to make me a ppt i would very much like to see the pleading and begging im just like hj that way <3333 which isnt to say san is or isnt going to die or not die of course i merely would giggle ;AKSJSDFLSJDAFL

BUT YEAH YOU'RE RIGHT my parents are convinced that im never coming back already LKSJDFLSKFJDSKDLF but i will . im gonna miss cheese itz and smiling at strangers too much . but korea also has yunho like 75% of the time so ... hmmmmmmmm wait . JLASKDFJ;SDJF jk

ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING %(#)$*(*)(#*$ THANK YOUUU my week was mostly just me working but it was okay hehehe i hope you're welllll <3333

[bluewaterhigh2005]

hii i know this is random but bear with me. ive never read the vampire academy books but i have seen the movie for the first time last week and ive been like COMPLETELY insane about it ever since. the absolute craziness of psychosexual obsessive girlbestfriendism has captivated me and now i live breathe eat roselissa. spent a lot. of time on vampire academy wiki...thinking abt reading the books even but that seems a little excessive plus i dont wanna read about rose dimitri relationship i dont condone it. BUT i am getting desperate ive seen bad fanart on pinterest ive even venturend into some bad fanfic territory theres nothing in the roselissa tumblr tag and your blog is the only light in the darkness. im so obsessed with them its really bad. NOBODY does it like them theyre so insane. okay so-> i was thinking you could use this ask to dump some roselissa opinions/headcannons/notes app essays etc or like literally anything🙏. also sorreee for how long it is & thank you & also should i watch the show? ok ok have a nice day byeeeee❤️

i am so fucking glad that it's 2023 and people are still watching this stupid perfect lesbian camp masterpiece of a film. okay first of all you are soooo real not wanting to read the books because of fuck ass dimitri like what a pathetic flop. *i* love the books like i would love my own children but keep in mind i did read them for the first time as a 12yr old and even now when i reread it's mostly to warmup before rereading bloodlines which i think is the most perfect magical romantic series ever written. heterosexuals won that round.

anyway i think everyone in the world should watch the show it's so much fun and the roselissa necromancy reveal goes soooooooo crazy like it's gay excellence. also a) australian rose hathaway is INSPIRED, b) the rose/dimitri of it all pisses me off significantly less in the show purely because he's like. not even a teacher he's just lurking and hanging around and i find that very funny. no friends no job he's just like me fr, and c) lissa wears funky little hats and that's so special to me she is my baby girl princess sweetie pie forever and ever and ever

okay moving onto actually talking about roselissa it is first of all very important to me that you know the 3rd book opens with rose inside lissa's head during a lissa/christian sex scene and she's very much like "i don't want to have sex with lissa..... BUT-" and it sends me every time especially because that was actually the first book i read so my literal introduction to this series was rose being weird and psychosexual about lissa which kind of coloured my view of them forever. roselissa above everything of course but i AM a roselissachristian throuple truther i think they're very fun and rose and christian best friendisms are very dear to me.

i do keep a running list in my notes app of songs that i would put on a roselissa playlist (like an insane person.) and the #1 entry is mitski's i don't smoke because well literally if you need to be mean be mean to me i can take it and put it inside of me..... that's literally their whole entire thing for a while there like rose spending an entire book like. siphoning off lissa's mental illness and making it her own SOUNDS like a joke but no it's #real and #devastating. bonus i also have a list of lissa songs which is topped by BRUTAL by olivia rodrigo because nobody has ever suffered the pains of being a teenage girl more than my perfect bisexual vampire princess.

my post-series thoughts /headcanons are often pretty depressing on the roselissa front but i don't want to get into depressing shit so i will instead talk about my current favourite idea which is that after they break their bond at the end of the series. you'd think they'd start being normal about each other. but NO they get even more freaky and codependent. i like to picture people coming to court and just sighing when they see them sitting in each other's laps on lissa's throne like not AGAIN. and dimitri idk dies in a fire or something. idk if you've ever seen grey's anatomy but there's this bit where a guy is like "my wife and her friend have sleepovers together in our bed with me in it" and TO ME that is soooo roselissachristian core. he's THEIR third wheel and he knows it.

also sidebar it pisses me off SOOOOOO bad seeing how people on the internet so fundamentally misunderstand lissa and her relationship to rose like for literal years now like they're always out here calling my girl self-centred and saying she doesn't love rose as much as rose loves her which is crazy because hello she brought rose back from the DEAD with her mind powers. her whole flop family was dead in that car and she brought back her girl best friend like what more can you even say about that. she's gay and she's insane and she's so completely Not Normal about rose

[urcharactersclasspect]

I’ve also tried classpecting the archons but I’m not great at classpecting lol

Barbatos: heir of breath because he is literally reskinned John Egbert lol but also he is freedom and controls the wind

Morax: not certain yet, I like your ideas of him being a light player! I also considered time or blood I think

Beelzebul: mage of time? She understands the flow of time and has suffered from things coming to an end. Or maybe a witch because she refuses to accept that time continues onward and is trying to control it

Nahida: I haven’t finished this quest yet so I might get spoiled by sending this ask, but she seems like a total mind player of some kind to me so far

LMFAO VENTI IS JUST RESKINNED JOHN

I dont exactly agree with that but thats too funny

Theres lots of “Raiden is time player” stuff so far

The reason I think Baal is a Rage or Hope player is because her beliefs on what Enternity are very specifically skewed not JUST to mean "time passing"

This is something I've found very interesting about almost every Electro user IVe seen the quests of, or know what they act like. Almost every Electro user, as a very skewed, contrarian view of things around them. They often times have familiars, or rather, "imaginary friends" created by their own beliefs and that stem from a prolonged sense of loneliness and almost denial of things, as they desire to take control of reality around them to cope with the rather harsh realities around them.

This is seen with Razor, through his wolf spirit and his denial to properly intergrate back into a society he would normally belong to and his wanting to see only the wolves as his means to life. This is seen through Fischl too, with her Crow/Raven companion and her almost sincerely delusional way of speech and addressing herself, reffering to herself as Royalty, a creator of worlds and speaking boistoriously to a point the crow needs to translate her often. Qaqing isnt quite like this from what I've seen, but she believes the only true path is to a;llow the beliefs and hopes of people towards gods should die out in the modern age. Even Ningguang implicating this would normally make her look like someone kinda crazy and not exactly as trust worthy to people typically.

This gives me the exact energies of characters like Eridan and Jake English, Eridan with his extreme veiws skewed towards joining the enemy being the only way out of the game; and with Jake English's denial and deep seeted need to act like a Cool Movie Guy and be very peppy macho on the surface to ignore the reality around him.

Baal does the same exact thing to absolute extreme. She believes hiding herself away, creating a new version of herself to take over and leaving the rest to Yae Miko and the other politicians in Inuzuma will just take care of the rest will allow nothing to ever change. But she winds up doing this to a tyrannical level. She even tries to create another person out of the hope it will be a replacement for the loss of her sister with what she remembers and believes her sister to have been more like to see if she could create hope for a future to continue as it always had been with her twin on the helm of things, and as a fear of controlling him but having no use for him, tosses him.

Rage however is all about delusional levels of anger and wrath, which given Scaramouche and other facts about Raiden, i dont think I need to go deeper into there but u get the picture. Shes deeply troubled, depressed and resentful of her sisters passing, so much so she would have rather create another plaine of existence where experiencing the real world just doesn’t even need to happen anymore; Shes in denial that “enternity” staying in her world and just stagnate in a never ending place where nothing bad or good ever happens isnt realistic, isnt healthy  and time passing needs to take its course, but more in the sense she just doesn’t want to face it at all, she doesnt want to accept people and things need to change, need to face hardships, and that she needs to accept responsibility for what she herself has done too by being gone for so long. She also has Yae Miko, who while down to earth in comparison to most Electros I’ve seen, is literally Baal’s own familiar that translates her in a sense and knows whats best for Raiden, which she understands Baal’s mentality / way of thinking a little too well. Is still of the belief she can be redeemed even during her tyranny.

I dont know much about Beidou - But shes a Pirate, and I dont really need to explain why this seems like a rebellion out of resentment for how things are and how she drinks and is always a lot less uptight than characters like Ningguang seems like her own sense of Escapism.

[signedeclipse]

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it. Have a lovely one~! :))))

💝 - What is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Ahah i'm laughing thinking about this one! This is very specific but I did a gyutaro x reader headcanon where she was pregnant and the kamaboko squad thinks she is in danger, so I said that Tanjiro shouts the following:

" Its just downright cruel to go after a defenseless girl, let alone a pregnant one! " Tanjiro screamed at the demon.

Someone commented remarking that Tanjiro seemed sexist for doing that which makes me giggle! I was actually partially quoting him from the series, but I also was trying to call the reader defenseless for being pregnant and human and not just because she was a woman. I also felt like she was hopeless next to an upper moon, so she would be pretty weak to stop him if he WAS going for her!

No hard feelings to that user, it was just funny!

🕯️ - Fas there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

The hardest to write was Daifuku Flavoured Kisses which was an Enmu X Reader oneshot! The request was very specific and I was having a hard time because I like to keep characters as in character as possible but the req was very ooc so I just did my best! It was an emergency request, so I just wanted the requester to feel better, OOC or not was out the window!

Fun fact, but I actually got Daifuku in a japanese snack box only a week later, and I loved them! Mind you mine were freeze dried, but typical daifuku uses fresh drawberry.

💥 - Find your least kudos'd fic & say something wonderful about it

For fairness sake im looking at ones over a week old! It seem to be a Enmu X reader oneshot called Worthy! It was one of my first oneshots on this acc, and one of the longest ive written to date! It was nostalgic looking at it, because Rainbow anon used to be on my acc all the time and sadly I never saw them again,,,

I was actually very proud of this work, I just dont think I had the platform to support it being up yet! My favourite part is when he continues taking pictures of the reader, but writing wise I pu so much time looking into the train the anon suggested and it was so fun to write, its also probably one of my most romantic nsfw pieces.

[fiberglassandflowers]

Hello yes I would like to know more about Dr Sunshine and Ramona

YAY okay so since i just made them [well technically designed, they've been floating around in my head a little bit] i really don't know very much about the two of them yet but im gonna try my best and maybe make some stuff up as i go along

dr. sunshine i've been thinking a little bit about because there's a song [he'll use me for his needle show specifically] from a verbal equinox [a band ww was in before] that references dr sunshine so i thought wow that's cool im gonna take some inspo from this one too so i did!

dr. sunshine and warren used to be friends/maybe exes idk i think it would be funny. and then warren faked her death [im not gonna get into all that right now she's just like that] and changed her identity again and moved to mary bell township. and after another course of events dr. sunshine faked their death as well and moved to mary bell as well. keep in mind they have no idea that warren's death was faked so imagine its surprise upon seeing warren alive and well with a fake therapy license

also i have really no clue what kind of like. thing. dr sunshine is because whenever i picture it i always think of the collector from the owl house at least in terms of color pallet. but i think they definitely have some sort of connection to astronomy because guess what!

ramona!!!! ramona's a scientist/astronomer sort of deal [is she certified? who knows] who at some point came across dr. sunshine and thought wowwwww. that guy is FASCINATING. i am going to study it under a microscope. and so for the last little bit she's been just kind of. studying them? like trying to figure out what their deal is and how they're connected to like. the big picture or something i dont know. ramona's a master of getting in over her head i think. i told auburn the other day that she has tellycore swag so. yeah. i wish i had more to say about her but i don't at this moment in time sorry fdskjfh

also a lot of this is very subject to change, they're pretty new characters so i wouldn't be surprised if some stuff is added or taken away since that's definitely happened before lol