#also dont ask me where she is. somewhere high up in engineering.

[synelven]

wuh-oh! star trek oc time again. haven't drawn her in uh. years. so here she is once more: ensign tila'ave

[shijiujun]

[ENG] History3: Trapped Novel - Chapter Nine

Translation Masterpost can be found here

Disclaimer: Translations are entirely mine - these are not official translations and some phrases have been changed for better English interpretation so you’ll definitely see better/different translations elsewhere. Also keeping in mind when we translated this we aren’t exactly thinking about the style of writing and this translation is as close to the novel as we can make it XD So yes, some parts may be a little awkward to read. And yes some teeny weeny details and words may not turn up in the translation because the Chi to Eng mind acrobatics didn’t work out. If you see asterisks, scroll all the way to the bottom for notes!

Full chapter below the cut

Note: JFC I AM FINALLY DONE WITH THIS DAMN THING, BYE H3T NOVEL CRIES I DONT WANT TO BE PLAGUED BY THIS ANYMORE HAHAHA - Also give the masterpost a few hours, I need to update the new links with my new username ARGH - History3:Trapped novel translations are now COMPLETED (with the exception of terrible sex scenes).

This was a muchhhh longer chapter than usual (more than 30 pages) + gosh I have a lot of things to say about the sex scenes because they’re just totally not logical but never mind I’m glad to like be done with this hahaha. It’s dragged on for long enough!

---

Chapter Nine

Inside the abandoned warehouse

Chen Wen Hao and Tang Yi have their guns trained on each other, and at the same time, they are staring at Shao Fei in shock, who just said ‘Chen Wen Hao is your father’.

“Don’t panic, the evidence is in my pocket.”

Shao Fei holds up both his hands, and then slowly reaches into the pocket of his jacket with one, pulling out two pieces of paper folded together, and looks at Tang Yi and Chen Wen Hao.

“One of these is the birth certificate from the hospital, and the other is the note you wrote to Li Zhen-jie.”

Chen Wen Hao’s expression morphs entirely, and then he turns to his henchmen and says, “All of you go outside and wait for me.”

The men guarding Chen Wen Hao’s safety put down their guns and then head outside to the open space outside of the warehouse.

“The both of you put down your guns first, so you won’t regret in case you misfire, and then listen to me finish speaking, okay?”

Both men in confrontation with each other exchange looks, and then keep their weapons at the same time.

Shao Fei heaves a sigh of relief, and continues explaining, “I found these two things in Li Zhen-jie’s belongings, and I also went to Tang Yi’s adoptive father to confirm it. Tang Yi, you were born on 21st October 1990, and Chen Wen Hao, you began serving your sentence in February 1990, and when Li Zhen-jie went to visit you, the date was 17th May 1990.”

Realising what this means, Chen Wen Hao’s eyes go wide, and he mumbles, “It cannot be… this is impossible… Li Zhen told me she aborted our child, so it can’t be…”

In the third month of pregnancy, the mother will begin to feel nauseous and most due dates are calculated 266 days after confirmation of the pregnancy date, that means if Li Li Zhen was already pregnant before Chen Wen Hao entered prison, then the expected due date indeed would have fallen somewhere in October.

Chen Wen Hao rushes over suddenly, gripping at Shao Fei’s shirt collar tight, “Are you using this to make me spare Tang Yi because you knew Li Zhen visited me in jail before?”

Shao Fei is almost entirely breathless from the tight grip, but still continues with his answer, the closest thing to the truth after piecing all the clues together, “I don’t know what Li Zhen-jie said to you in jail when she met you, all I know is that after she visited you, she applied for a year long break, and this is unusual for a workaholic like her.”

“And after she returned to her post, she never once applied for long leaves and did not get married either, so there’s only one possibility left. Tang Yi, is yours and Li Zhen-jie’s son.”

“Son… I have a son… a son…” Chen Wen Hao repeats dumbly, loosening his grip on Shao Fei’s shirt collar.

As if juxtaposing Chen Wen Hao’s helplessness at this moment, Tang Yi seems as cold and calm as he always is, “So what if this is true?”

“Tang Yi, Li Zhen-jie may not be a good mother, but she was loving you in her own way. When you ran away from home when you were 12, she immediately went South to search for you, but still lost all clues of where you went.”

Tang Yi’s lips curve up in a sneer, “I only have three family members in this life. My adoptive mother, Tang-ye and Hong Ye. Everyone else are unrelated strangers to me.”

“Tang Yi…” Shao Fei softly calls his name, his heart aching as he looks at Tang Yi’s expression, trying to suppress the pain.

“Tang-ye is the most important person in my life, he is my father… and you, you’re only a murderer who took him away from my side!”

He says the word ‘murderer’ through gritted teeth, slides his gun out from his waist, and points it at the murderer he managed to draw out after four years. Seeing this, Shao Fei immediately puts himself in front of the gun.

“No, I didn’t kill him. I didn’t.”

Chen Wen Hao has not yet calmed from the emotions of guilt he is feeling, and then he looks at his son who’s pointing a gun at him, shocked.

“You’re lying!” Tang Yi looks at the man in front of him angrily. “I remember your face very clearly, you’re the one who killed Tang-ye, it’s you!”

“It’s true that I was there to look for Tang Guo Dong, because I wanted to question him, to ask him why he had to sabotage me like this? But I didn’t kill him. When I reached the scene I only saw him pass something to Li Zhen, and then there were two gunshots, and they fell to the ground, their blood spilling out…”

Chen Wen Hao has his face in his hands, filled with guilt and anguish.

“If you’re not the murderer then why are you trying to have me silenced? Why did you bring a gun there?”

“I’d only just witnessed them being shot and then I saw you, if it you were me, wouldn’t you take your gun out to defend yourself? As for that gun… yes, I wanted to kill him. These twenty years, I hanged on because of my hatred for Tang Guo Dong, and now you’re telling me, the person that I’ve wanted revenge on is not Tang Guo Dong’s bastard son, but my son? I don’t even know who I should vent my hatred on now, why did my life turn into this?”

“Are you done?” Tang Yi immediately unlocking the safety on his gun, and then to Shao Fei who is blocking his way, he snarls, “Get out of the way!”

The person in front of him does not move, however, raising his chin instead and staring at Tang Yi head-on, “If the murderer really is Chen Wen Hao, then why would he have stayed put after he killed them? Besides, even if he did have a reason to kill Tang Guo Dong, he definitely wouldn’t have killed Li Zhen-jie.”

“…”

At the flawless argument, even through his anger, Tang Yi finds himself frozen to the spot, before he finally lets his right hand, which is holding onto the gun, fall back to his side.

“Chen Wen Hao, I’m not taking your life (now), and when I find evidence to prove that you are the murderer, I will kill you myself!”

Once he’s done, he turns and leaves.

“Tang Yi!”

Shao Fei quickly chases after him, and attempts to hug him from the back to calm down the man whose emotions are teetering on the edge of a breakdown, but the other shakes him off, hard.

“Meng Shao Fei! You know how long I have been waiting for this day, why did you stop me? Why?”

“Because he’s not the murderer.”

“You!”

With his raised arm, the fist that is about to descend is retracted at the last moment, and instead lands heavily on the car engine’s top, the sound deafening. He then pushes away the Shao Fei who stopped him repeatedly previously, sitting in the driver’s seat and stepping on the accelerator, leaving the long-time abandoned warehouse at high speeds.

“Tang Yi…”

Shao Fei follows after him shakily, and can only watch the other drive away, standing in the same spot.

Tang household

The door is slowly pushed open to reveal a room shrouded in darkness. A man sits unmoving like a statue at the end of the bed, and with an aching heart, Shao Fei walks over, opening his arms to embrace the angry and anguished Tang Yi.

“I’m sorry… I know it’s hard for you to accept this…”

This is why when he discovered the truth, he was hesitant, because the truth would hurt the person he cares about the most.

“I don’t care if Chen Wen Hao is my biological father or not, only Tang-ye is the most important person in my life.”

“I know, so all the more we need to find the real murderer, right? Ah-“

Tang Yi pulls Shao Fei onto the bed with force, using his firm chest to cover Shao Fei’s back.

“If you don’t want this, push me away.”

The hot puff of breath coming straight from his throat comes into contact with a spot behind Shao Fei’s ear, and this is the last chance he’s giving his partner to flee from him.

Shao Fei is pressed face first on the bed, and he can even feel the other’s hardness at his butt, “I’m drenched in sweat all over, how about you let me go take a shower first… mmn…”

He’s flipped over and with his face turned up, Shao Fei looks at Tang Yi in a room that is not illuminated by any lights except for the moonlight.

Their breaths become increasingly harsh, and through their tightly pressed bodies, they can feel the other’s breaths and heartbeats with every rise of their chests.

Tang Yi supports his weight with a hand against the bed, and looks at the person lying down, “Push me away, or shall I continue? You pick one.”

The ends of Shao Fei’s mouth curve, and then he reaches up to grip at the man’s shirt, tugging him downwards until he’s right in front of him.

He answers, “Continue.”

—

“Tang Yi…”

Their tightly pressed lips slide across each other’s, the dryness turning wet with the saliva coming from the sides of the mouths, and Shao Fei never once realised that he had such an intense thirst for making love.

But perhaps he was wrong, because the other person wasn’t the person meant for him, and just like before, he never thought that one day, he would fall in love with another man. A man who’s built exactly like him.

“Sss… ha….”

Deeply inhaling after exhaling the carbon dioxide in the lobes of his lungs through the gaps between his teeth, he emits a sound left to everyone’s imaginations.

Tang Yi loosens the hands cupped around the sides of Shao Fei’s face, and gazes deeply at the eyes which have chased after him for the past four years, unwilling to give up.

“What’re you looking at me for?”

Shao Fei wants to flee, and yet cannot help but fall into himself that he sees (reflected) in Tang Yi’s eyes. How contradictory. Is this what loving someone else is like? It’s like holding a raw egg in the palm of his hands, afraid of losing grip if he holds on too lightly, but also afraid to crush it if he holds on too tightly. His heart is just like a dandelion floating in the air. It flies with the breeze from time to time, and lands without the help of the wind.

“Thankfully, I didn’t kill you then.”

He does not deny that there were a few times, Tang Yi wanted to make the cumbersome thing that was Shao Fei disappear with the simplest but also most violent way, and he is thankful to the him who decided to change his mind, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to have Meng Shao Fei in the future. At this moment, this is a Meng Shao Fei he cannot bear to let go.

Shao Fei’s mouth curves in a smile, and he compliments himself, “What a pity it would have been to kill me, you would have one less person to argue with you, and no one would point out your flaws right in your face, like I do!”

Tang Yi once again kisses the mouth that is still moving, but it’s different this time as the kiss is deeper, hotter.

“Hmm… Tang… Tang Yi…”

The tongue that slid into his mouth is exploring every inch and sensitive crevice, making sure that Shao Fei is filled with his own scent inside and out.

His competitive spirit is piqued, and Shao Fei unceremoniously returns the favour with equal fervour. His hands reach out towards Tang Yi’s back, and he tightens his hold behind the other’s neck. Pushing the tongue that’s marking its territory inside his mouth back into Tang Yi’s own mouth, he draws out the other man’s desire more passionately.

“Hnn…”

A satisfied moan sounds from his throat, akin to the purrs of a large-sized cat.

Changing the direction of their kiss endlessly, they don’t stop until they slowly run out of breath. Tang Yi’s smile is indulgent, his thumb swiping at the saliva stained on Shao Fei’s lips.

“I’ve underestimated you after all.”

Thinking that Tang Yi is praising the way he took initiative in the kiss earlier, Shao Fei smugly answers, “This is nothing, I’m like this, once I’ve decided on something, I definitely will get it.”

“No, what I mean is, I definitely underestimated you-“

Tang Yi grabs the wrist of the other’s dominant right hand and guides it to the lower half of his body until Shao Fei’s palm is pressed against the part of his body which has already hardened in reaction, before answering fully.

“-how much you tempt me.”

“…”

Because of this, Shao Fei’s ears turn red immediately, obviously visible on both sides of his face.

“What about you?”

“Don’t, don’t say anymore!”

He immediately curls backwards but is unable to avoid the palm that is already pressed against that spot between his legs, separated by the material of his light blue denim jeans. On the already hardened spot, Tang Yi rubs, his hand moving up and down.

“You’re hard too.”

Tang Yi’s tone reveals delight as he says this. Knowing that it is not only just his one-sided attraction to the man, Tang Yi grabs onto the hardened member under Shao Fei’s pants with pride, feeling Shao Fei’s thirst for him and also coming clean with how much he wants Shao Fei.

“Of course, it’d be weird if I wasn’t hard from our intense kiss earlier.”

Shao Fei turns his face away out of embarrassment at having his cock caressed like this under his jeans, but ends up revealing his red ears to Tang Yi. As a predator, just like a large feline creature, Tang Yi naturally is not willing to miss out on this opportunity, and so he opens his mouth and with his sharp teeth, he targets Shao Fei’s left ear, and bites down.

“A-hah!” Shao Fei startles at the pain, inadvertently making a pornographic sound.

A tongue delves into Shao Fei’s sensitive ear, and the wet sounds as Tang Yi licks at his skin causes his member to fully harden.

“Tang… Tang Yi…”

“Hmm?”

Tang Yi responds to the other’s soft call in a deep, nasal tone lazily, his sharp teeth rubbing against the soft spots of Shao Fei’s ear. This thrill, which he both anticipates and is afraid of, makes Shao Fei’s body shudder again and again.

“You… can’t be…” he swallows, then asks, testing the waters, “…thinking of topping me, can you?”

Sexual intercourse between two men means that one of them has to be on the receiving end, unlike sex between a male and a female, where the male is always the one driving the desire of the other.

“If not? You want to top me?” Tang Yi asks, laughing as he frees Shao Fei’s left ear from his teeth, and turning Shao Fei’s face towards himself.

“Who said that I must definitely be under you? I can-“

“Shh,” Tang Yi says, his eyes curved as he puts up a finger to Shao Fei’s lips.

“Of course I’ll be topping you, because I began loving you way before your confession on the hospital rooftop.”

“When?”

“The abandoned hut in the mountains, do you remember? The things you said to me.”

“Tang Yi, you genuinely want to leave the underworld and that’s why you’re trying to reform, right?”

“I’m using this as a ruse and pretending to go legal, but in actual fact I am-“

“My bad, I was too full of myself to just think you were like that… Tang Yi, I’m sorry!”

“…”

“Hey, I’ve already said so much, you should at least give me a response?”

“This is the first time I’ve seen a monkey capable of reflecting on himself.”

“Hey! Who’re you calling a monkey? I’m telling you, even if you are sincere in wanting to reform I will still be watching you. As long as you use any illegal methods, I will still arrest you and throw you into jail!”

“You’ll keep watching me?”

“Yes! Watching you! Using both my eyes to watch you!”

“Okay, then I’ll let you always, always, always watch me.”

“From then on, I realised that when I look at you, I experience a different kind of emotion.”

It was just that at that time, he still did not understand that this was a sign of a budding love quietly planting itself his heart.

“It was then,” Shao Fei looks at Tang Yi in disbelief.

He thought he was fated for a rejection after having loved Tang Yi first, and in the end, the person who fell in love first was actually Tang Yi.

“Okay! I admit defeat, I’ll let you top me.”

There is no winning or losing in love, there is only whether he is willing or not. And he is both willing and accepting of this.

“Don’t worry and give yourself to me, I definitely won’t disappoint you with my skills.”

—

“Ah…. Hah….”

Shao Fei sits at the head of the Super King bed, biting at his bottom as he watches Tang Yi, who has his face buried in the lower half of his body. The man is like a devout follower, crouching between his separated legs, which have long been divested of his jeans and underwear, thrown to the floor next to the bed. Just like how they do it in dramas, whenever sex happens, the floor is always littered with clothing items.

“If you’re uncomfortable, remember to tell me.”

After the reminder, Tang Yi once again buries his head between Shao Fei’s legs, gripping onto his upright member and using his tongue to lick at the sensitive head.

“Ahah…” Shao Fei opens his mouth and inhales at this.

He’s never had a girlfriend and could only ever use both his hands to satisfy his desires. Even though he has seen this image thousands of times, he has only been able to see this on several unsavoury sites. Who knew that when he is surrounded by someone’s mouth, the feeling would be this pleasurable. Being licked by a wet tongue triumphs over the satisfaction he feels when he masturbates by hand.

“Tang… Tang Yi…”

He can only call the other’s name repeatedly, just like a child who has just learnt to speak, his mind going increasingly hot, speechless.

“Hnn, mnn-hmm…”

Tang Yi retracts his tongue and then swallows the hard organ whole. Although Shao Fei’s size is not huge, it still fills up every crevice of his mouth.

“Ahah… oh god… oh god…”

His hardened member is suddenly engulfed by a hot and wet place and as it ventures deeper and deeper into the mouth, and because of Tang Yi’s gag reflex leading to the uncontrollable contractions of the throat, his red tip is being tightly squeezed. The pleasure rushes up suddenly from his groin, and he almost has an out-of-body experience from this.

His ten fingers are curled up in Tang Yi’s hair; he wants to push away the head that is making repeated bobbing motions, but is also unable to resist pressing the back of Tang Yi’s head forward whenever he moves downwards, all to get further into the deeper parts of his mouth.

The pressure on the back of Tang Yi’s head is too forceful, but Tang Yi resists his gag reflex from having this hard cock down his throat with only a furrow of his brows, as he continues to draw out Shao Fei’s pleasure.

“Ah… Ahah… Ahah….”

Not enough, it’s not enough!

He wants more, he wants it deeper, he wants to feel even greater pleasure!

His brain and loud thoughts drive Shao Fei’s body to lift up his waist and send his member into the deepest part of Tang Yi’s throat as he presses on the back of the other’s head.

“Mmhm-“

“Ahah… ahah… ah-“

The lines between Shao Fei’s eyebrows deepen as he gradually loses control over his movements. Tang Yi does not stop Shao Fei’s almost-violent motions until Shao Fei loses himself entirely in a thrust and shouts, a thick liquid spilling into his mouth.

Finally spent, his raised hips naturally drop back onto the bed in its original position, and the movement has his softened member sliding out of Tang Yi’s mouth after his release.

Tang Yi turns over, opening his mouth and coughing incessantly to expel the mixture of cum and saliva lodged deep in the back of his throat. It drips onto the floor next to he bed, sliding down Tang Yi’s mouth and jaw.

“Tang Yi! Tang Yi are you okay?”

After Shao Fei calms his harsh breaths, he finally realises how despicable his earlier actions were and immediately sits up. Feeling guilty, his arm goes around Tang Yi’s shoulder as he looks at the man he loves, hurting for him.

“Why didn’t you stop me?”

Tang Yi lifts his left arm and wipes away the traces of Shao Fei’s release left on his mouth and jaw, then seriously says, “As long as it’s something you want to do, I will not stop you.”

It doesn’t matter if it was Shao Fei’s relentless chase throughout the past four years, or his almost violent actions during sex.

“You! Damn it!”

Tightly clenched fists strike against the soft bed, and his heart lurches, biting at his lower lip. Then, Shao Fei hooks his hands around Tang Yi’s neck as they fall backwards, hard.

The bed makes a twinge of protest at the force of their weights.

Tang Yi stares at Shao Fei who’s trapped under him, waiting for the other to tell him why he’s acting like that.

“Tang Yi you listen to me! No matter how much I say it hurts later, you’re not allowed to stop. I want to use everything I have, and love you fully!”

The ends of Tang Yi’s mouth curve upwards, and then seductively he says, “If you dare to seduce me, then you must be responsible for putting out the fire.”

“Who’s scared of who? At most I will just ask for leave from the station tomorrow!”

“Meng Shao Fei…”

“What?”

“Remember to call in sick for a few more days.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m very certain that when you’re able to leave this bed, it’ll be at least two days later.”

“Fuck! Mmm-hmm-“

Tang Yi, I regret it already! Let me go!

Tang Yi!

—

“Remove your hands!” Tang Yi orders, glaring at Shao Fei who is using his hands to cover his face.

“I don’t want… it’s… hah…. it’s so embarrassing…”

His ankles are caught in Tang Yi’s hands, his legs spread wide and his butt lifted up as Tang Yi’s cock forcefully thrusts inwards, emitting wet sounds. Because this position allows him to clearly see this secret spot, a spot which his fingers have never come into contact with in the past 30 years, and yet it is this very same spot that is being driven hard into repeatedly by another man’s hardened cock.

“Ah… ah…. Tang Yi… you… don’t…. you’re too much… a…hah…”

Damn it! How is this guy’s stamina so good?

“Remove your hands!” Tang Yi frowns.

He likes seeing the way Shao Fei’s face is flushed red because of him, the expression he’s making as he is in trapped the depths of lovemaking, out of control.

“Ah-ah!”

Another deep thrust and Shao Fei cries out even louder than before.

“Meng Shao Fei!”

He warns in a low growl. On this planet, it is only this person who would dare to oppose him twice in a row.

“Ahah… jerk… Tang Yi you’re a fucking jerk-“

Shao Fei removes his hands from his face, and with what he thinks is a fierce gaze, he glares at the man who’s thrusting into his body. Tang Yi licks at the corner of his mouth and smiles, satisfied, “It’s a really nice expression, why would you hide it?”

His hips are aching and his legs hurt from the intense workout, and Shao Fei doesn’t know that what he thinks is a powerful frightening expression, looks like a tiny cat with its claws out to Tang Yi. Cute, and it makes Tang Yi want to bite him, hard. And so he does as he wishes, loosening the hold he has around Shao Fei’s ankles, letting both of Shao Fei’s legs fall back onto the bed, and then he lowers his body and bites hard on Shao Fei’s left nipple.

“Hmm… you… you bit me!!”

“Only you, Meng Shao Fei, would dare to let me repeat the same instruction thrice.”

With both hands on each side of Shao Fei’s waist, and different from the heavy and intense thrusts from earlier, Tang Yi settles into a slower rhythm. In this tightly filled channel, Tang Yi’s cock is well lubricated with the help of pre-cum left inside, and with the tip of his alarmingly-sized member, he unceremoniously strikes against Shao Fei’s prostate.

He drives Shao Fei’s pleasure towards the peak again and again, but before he can truly reach it, Tang Yi would retreat. Shao Fei, who is pressed under him, is just like that rock which is endlessly pushed by Hercules in Greek mythology as he is unable to obtain the highest pleasure from this.

“Hah… hah-ah… Tang Yi you… you… purposely… ha-ah, you purposely-“

“It’s so difficult to serve Officer Meng. If I fuck you too hard, you say you’re embarrassed, and now that I’m fucking you slowly, you say it’s not enough. Unless… this body, instead of me treating it gently, you wish for me to torture you mercilessly?”

“Shut… shut up…”

Absolutely not intending to admit that he does indeed want to be fucked hard, into his deepest parts, Shao Fei is almost driven insane by this slow friction. Biting at his lips and staring at the evil man, he curses him in the back of his mind, and then suddenly hugs his arms around Tang Yi’s neck, using a grappling technique to hook his legs behind Tang Yi’s back.

Tang Yi squints, looking at Shao Fei, who has attacked him with such a move.

“Damn it! Since you won’t move, I’ll move!”

With that said, he lifts his butt upwards and takes the initiative to ride Tang Yi’s cock with his soft entrance. Although it’s very tiring and almost impossible for him, it at least makes him feel good.

“Ha… ah…. ah…..”

Using his hole to rub against the hard member, Shao Fei finally finds the uncomfortable sensation being alleviated. But… it’s not enough…

“Ah-ah… Tang Yi… help me… hurry up and help me… It’s not… enough like this… ah…hah… it’s not enough….”

“Beg me.”

“I beg you, I beg…”

“Beg me to fuck you?”

“Yes… I can’t, I can’t take it anymore, hurry…. hurry up and fuck me, fuck me hard, ah-ah…”

Shao Fei shakes his head, scattering the hair strands on his forehead, stuck there by sweat.

Finally hearing the other man’s initiative, his hands lock around Shao Fei’s waist, and then Tang Yi thrusts heavily into the spot that will make Shao Fei cry out the loudest.

—

Having completed their intense lovemaking, both men lie on the bed on their sides facing each other.

“I can’t, I’m going to sleep first, goodnight,” Shao Fei yawns, and then shuts his eyes.

“Sleep then! Goodnight.”

Tang Yi looks at his lover’s face, and recalls what Tang-ye said to him before…

“Xiao Tang, one of these days there’ll be that person that will make you understand what a marvellous feeling it is to live a simple and normal life.”

At that time, he didn’t believe Lao Tang’s words at all. To him, being normal means allowing oneself to be bullied, and he does not want to be bullied anymore. Thus, he needs to become stronger, until no one dares to hinder his way and stop him from doing what he wants to do.

“Tang Yi! I’m chasing you for life!”

But there is indeed one such person, who stumbled his way into his tightly guarded heart, who said this to him standing on the hospital’s rooftop as he pointed at him.

“Tang Yi.”

“Hmm?”

“Can you give me a wish?”

“Okay.”

“I wish that I will be at your side for every birthday from now on, and with me around, you’ll no longer be alone.”

He thought it would be a lonely birthday, but instead he received a cake that made him so touched, a cake made personally by Shao Fei, even though it didn’t look very nice. And…

The third birthday wish, promising the rest of his life to Tang Yi.

“Lao Tang, I finally believe in what you said.”

Tang Yi’s mouth curves in a faint smile. He caresses at Shao Fei’s lips with his finger, and repeats what he said told Shao Fei before…

“Meng Shao Fei, you made my life so different. You made me experience warmth again, so I hope you live on well, for my sake.”

“Also, I love you. I really, really, love you.”

At a riverbank

“Why did you arrange to meet?” Yan Zheng Qiang asks, his back facing another person who is approaching from behind him.

“I just wanted to tell Sir that my previous mission is over.”

The man with red hair responds to the other person standing at the riverbank with a seemingly harmless smile on his face.  Yan Zheng Qiang turns, and considers Jack, who has delivered a USB into his hands.

“This includes all of Xing Tian Meng’s information, and also what you care about the most, Chen Wen Hao’s current list of deals and channels.”

“The information has been verified?”

“Of course.”

“You’re as good as expected, it’s not a waste of the station to hire you at high costs.”

Jack smiles and accepts the other’s compliment, then says, “Since this mission is already over, let’s talk about our next one, I believe Interpol will be very interested in this.”

“I’m listening.”

“Chen Wen Hao’s actual battle place, a complete set of information from Cambodia.”

Yan Zheng Qiang’s eyes narrows as he looks at Jack in disbelief, “These few years, despite having worked with the Cambodian government, we have been unable to penetrate this drug channel. Chen Wen Hao has planned everything well and has corrupted both the good and bad in the region, just you alone, you’ll be able to reach in?”

“If it’s just me, of course I wouldn’t have any solution, but it’s a different matter altogether if Chen Wen Hao personally invites me in.”

“For a mercenary who does as he’s paid, you’re actually giving up the interests laid out before your eyes?”

Jack shrugs and smiles, “It can’t be helped. Who asked me to have a liking for thrilling challenges, and I get more intrigued by things that are more difficult to obtain. Don’t worry, since I have taken the initiative to cooperate on this, the price is negotiable, as long as you deal with Xing Tian Meng for me, I will be able to help you infiltrate this channel. How’s that, are we good on this deal? Or not?”

Yan Zheng Qiang thinks about this for a bit, and then reaches out with his right hand, “Okay, we will be responsible for dealing with the aftermath of your leaving Xing Tian Meng, and I hope you will be able to give us more information of the drug trafficking deals in Southeast Asia.

Jack returns the handshake, and smiles, “No problem, sir, may our cooperation be pleasant.”

—

“If the murderer from four years ago is not Chen Wen Hao, then who is it?” Zhao Zi mumbles to himself dejectedly as he walks on the road, having just left work at the station.

“Shorty, is there gold on the floor? Aren’t you afraid of hitting something if you walk with your head down like that?”

Having just looked up, he sees Jack squatting at his doorstep, and who knows how long he has been waiting here?

“Why’re you here?”

Jack stands up, pinching at the other’s cheek, and teases, “I wanted to see you, so I came.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I don’t have the mood to joke with you today.”

“I’m very serious, shorty…��� Jack loosens the grip he has on the other’s cheek and his tone is suddenly somber, “if I can’t come and see you for a period of time, will you miss me?”

Frightened, Zhao Zi’s eyes go wide as he looks about his surroundings anxiously, “What did you do? Was it something illegal?”

“I can’t say and I don’t want to implicate you in this,” Jack shakes his head, his mouth curving up in a forced smile.

At this, Zhao Zi is even more certain that Jack has done something bad that he can be arrested for, and immediately takes out his keys to open the door without paying the person next to him any mind.

“You haven’t answered my question from earlier-“

Jack has only just opened his mouth and is immediately dragged into the house, the other covering his mouth, and as they walk, Zhao Zi says in a low voice, “Hey! Speak softer, what if you’re found out by someone else? Damn it, you still dare to come to me after having done something illegal, did you forget that I’m a police officer, and all my colleagues are policer officers? I can let you hide for a night, but tomorrow you have to leave first thing in the morning.”

“Pfft!!!”

Jack pulls down the palm covering his mouth and with a tug, he brings the man into his embrace and kisses at his cheek.

“Hurry up and answer me. If i left, would you miss me? And do you like me or not?”

Zhao Zi does not reply, and quietly closes the door with reddened ears.

Police station rooftop

Shi Da Pao sits on the rooftop of the station by himself, his mouth biting at a cigarette as he stares at the moon-less sky. Around his feet on the ground, several cigarette butts lay, and it’s apparent that he has been sitting here for a while now.

“Whoo…”

Another heavy exhale of white smoke leaves his mouth.

The wallet he has between his fingertips holds a photo of his daughter when she was younger, and every time he was tired at work he would open his wallet and look at it a few times, thinking about how he would be able to see her run to him happily when he get home, and with her arms raised, she would shout, “Daddy, a hug!”

No matter how much pressure he was under, everything was easily forgotten. His daughter is his power bank, always giving him power which is full of love and hope.

“Xiao Ya… Daddy is sorry, he is sorry…”

On the protective plastic cover over the photo, teardrops continue to fall one after the other.

He then wipes away the teardrops on the plastic film and shuts the wallet with the photo inside, and then throws the last cigarette onto the ground. He gets to his feet and uses the bottom of his shoe to stamp out the cigarette and then leaves the rooftop as a cool breeze blows over him.

He heads downstairs and walks into the floor with the label ‘Inspections Team’.

Tang household

“Good, good morning.”

Finally having the strength to leave the bed, Shao Fei sees Tang Yi who is already preparing breakfast when he walks into the kitchen, and immediately shifts his gaze, greeting Tang Yi awkwardly.

“Are you still okay?”

Tang Yi looks up and sees the other person who has one hand pressed at his waist as he pulls a chair at the dining table back and sits down, and Tang Yi’s mouth curves upwards.

“Great, I’m great, I’m totally reinvigorated and filled with energy- sss….”

Wanting to pretend that everything is fine, Shao Fei has only just straightened his back when that spot begins to throb, after having been put through the grinder the previous night.

“Officer Meng’s stamina is not bad.”

“Of course.”

“Then next time I don’t have to be considerate towards your body, and can do it until I’m satisfied.”

“What? You did it twice yesterday and you’re still not satisfied?”

With a red face, Shao Fei looks at the Xing Tian Meng leader in alarm, who after doing so many things to him, could not only carry him to the bathroom to clean him up, but also wake up bright and early in the morning to make breakfast.

Tang Yi’s smile deepens as he places the already made breakfast in front of his lover, and then opens the fridge to take out a coke, placing it on the table. Then, he pulls out a chair and sits down opposite Shao Fei.

“Tang Yi…”

Shao Fei observes the other’s reaction, and after hesitating for quite a while, he opens his mouth finally, “If you find the murderer before me, please hand him over to me, and don’t put me in a difficult position between my relationship and duty to my profession.”

If Tang Yi kills someone, then he will be a criminal who must face the punishment of law, and as a police officer enforcing said laws, Shao Fei will have to arrest him.

Tang Yi looks up and watches this man, who aside from his adoptive mother, Tang-ye and Hong Ye, is the fourth person whose life is more important than his own, and changes the topic, “Head to work after you’re done eating!”

“Tang Yi…”

Shao Fei wants to try and persuade him again, but he’s interrupted by a Jack who has just walked into the kitchen.

“Boss, we caught He Hang.”

“Okay, I’ll be right there.”

Tang Yi, in the moment he gets up and leaves the table, is immediately caught by the man seated opposite him.

“Leave it to the police!”

Looking at the other’s determined gaze, Tang Yi sighs, and removing Shao Fei’s hand, he says, “All i can promise you is to send him to you while he’s alive.”

“…”

Shao Fei watches as Jack and Tang Yi leave together, and then the phone he has in his pocket rings. The moment he picks up, he hears Zhao Zi’s panicked and rushed voice.

“Zhao Zi what is it? What? You said laoda turned himself in at the inspections team?”

Investigative Team Three

“Zhao Zi be clear, what do you mean by laoda turning himself in to the inspections team?”

Shao Fei asks Zhao Zi who is waiting at the door once he sees him, after having rushed from Tang Yi’s house back to the team with his foot stepping aggressively on the accelerator on his way back.

“I’m not sure either, but Jun Wei went to ask, and it seems like laoda admitted that he was secretly involved in the resale of drugs back to the underworld.”

“How is that possible? Why would laoda do that? What’s the motive? What motive does he have?”

“Could it have something to do with Xiao Ya’s surgery give years ago?”

After Zhao Zi says this, everyone descends into silence, and only Yu Qi asks, confused.

“What happened to Xiao Ya, what surgery?”

Zhao Zi looks at his junior and explains what happened five years ago, ‘You only joined the team last year so you don’t know, but Xiao Ya was really sick last time, and what was it…”

“Leukaemia,” Shao Fei continues where Zhao Zi left off. “At that time laoda was almost driven insane from desperation, and there were no matching bone marrows locally. Everyone on the team helped to check if they were matches, but none of us were suitable.”

Standing at the side, Jun Wei sighs, “After finding one for a year, just when everyone thought there was no hope left, laoda suddenly found a matching bone marrow from some other channel, and that’s how he saved Xiao Ya.”

“Could it be that laoda resold the drugs to the underworld because he needed the money to save Xiao Ya?”

Everyone’s expression is somber, silently agreeing with their junior’s deduction.

Then, the phone on the table rings, and Jun Wei rushes over to pick it up, but his face falls when he hears what the latest new update is.

“What is it?”

Jun Wei looks at Shao Fei who has walked over, and answers, “Top brass wants to open a large scale internal investigation, and that another member from the team is involved in the case.”

“Who?”

“Ah Zhi.”

Everyone immediately turns to look at the seat that originally belongs to Zhou Guan Zhi, and Shao Fei becomes uneasy.

“Zhao Zi, where’s Ah Zhi?”

“I haven’t seen him from just now onwards.”

“Go with me to find him at his house.”

“Okay.”

Shao Fei rushes out quickly after finishing what he said, and Zhao Zi swiftly follows, one hand clutched tight around his phone. Seeing her seniors leave so hurriedly, Yu Qi asks Jun Wei, dumbfounded, “First it’s laoda, and then it’s Ah Zhi-ge. We are police officers, right? Our job is to uphold justice, and go after criminals, right? Then why…”

The woman’s eyes go red and she is unable to say anymore. Jun Wei pats at her shoulder with a sigh, unsure how he can reassure the other as well.

Private club, inside a room

“I didn’t think you would come and beg me,” Si He Hui’s leader looks at the bills piled on the table in front of him and says, sarcastic.

Zhou Guan Zhi looks at Lao Ke, his palms sweating, “Ke-san, I know you have contacts, anywhere in Southeast Asia is fine, all I ask is that I am able to leave here as soon as possible.”

“You brought the team to ‘take care’ of me just a while ago, and now you’re begging me? Officer Zhou, you’re trying to fool me, is it?”

“Ke-san, we’ve known each other for more than a decade, and you know exactly how many times I’ve let you go in between, and besides…” Zhou Guan Zhi’s eyes darken, and he hints, “You still have some ‘items’ in my possession, and as long as you arrange for me to leave, I will make sure those things disappear from now onwards.”

Lao Ke side eyes the person sitting in front of him, and laughs, the sound cold, “If it wasn’t because you had no choice but to leave the team you wouldn’t even be here looking for me, so I’m afraid those things you have on me, you won’t be able to use them yourself.”

“You’re right, I won’t have any use for them, but Ke-san don’t forget, my colleagues are still eyeing Si He Hui’s every move, and I’m very sure they will be happy to receive these ‘things’.”

Lao Ke’s expression freezes immediately, and after a moment of hesitation, a smile returns to his face, “Let’s talk it out, let’s talk it out. Fine, I’ll help you this one, but the price…”

“Another 10,000 NTD, I will give after I’m on the boat.”

Zhou Guan Zhi takes out another 10,000 NTD from the backpack he has on him, then puts it back inside.

“No problem, the location and time I will let Officer Zhou know later.”

“Okay.”

After confirming his escape route, Zhou Guan Zhi opens the door and after checking his surroundings to make sure no one is following him, he then walks out of the room with his head down.

Inside the club, Chen Wen Hao is speaking to another man surnamed Wang as they walk out from another room.

“Xiao Wang, I’ll leave finding the person to you.”

“Chen-ye, leave it to me! I’m just very curious, is the person you’re looking for really so important?”

“Very important, and he’s not easy to find because I’ve never seen his face and only remember his back, and it is also an impression from four years ago. Just from these clues, asking you to help me is indeed trouble for you.”

“Chen-ye you stand on too much ceremony with me by saying that, don’t worry! Even if you give me just a single strand of his hair, I will be able to dig him up.”

“Good, then I’ll have to entrust you with this.”

Chen Wen Hao reaches out and somberly shakes the other’s hand. Right at this moment, however, the door to the room in front of them suddenly opens, and Chen Wen Hao casually looks at the other once. Just as he’s about to look away, that person suddenly pulls up the hood on his shirt, and then quickly leaves, his expression full of anxiety.

In that moment, the scene before him aligns with the hazy memory he has from four years ago. He points at the other man and orders, “Get him!”

“Yes.”

His two men rush over immediately from behind him, and restrain the hooded man on the ground.

Outside an apartment

Numerous members from Investigative Team One stand inside Zhou Guan Zhi’s apartment, and plenty of items are scattered all over the ground.

Shao Fei and Zhao Zi have only just reached the door, and before they can say a word, the officer standing outside the door stops them.

“I’m sorry, we are searching through the house right now, so the both of you cannot go in.”

Shao Fei looks at the other and asks, “A search? I’m from Team Three, can I ask what’s the situation right now?”

The man standing at the door side eyes these two officers who have turned up in a hurry, and answers, “Zhou Guan Zhi is suspected to be involved in a homicide case four years ago, and also a drug trafficking case. The warrant for his arrest is out.”

“Homicide? Which one?” Shao Fei persists.

“I’m sorry, due to confidentiality, we are unable to reveal much.”

Zhao Zi tugs at his good friend’s sleeve and says, “Ah Fei, we should leave here first and see if we can find Ah Zhi.”

“Mnn.”

As Shao Fei walks down the stairs, he thinks about what the person just said, and suddenly realises what the last piece of the puzzle of four years ago is…

Five years ago, laoda resold the drugs confiscated by the police because he urgently needed the money for Xiao Ya’s leukaemia treatment, and Zhou Guan Zhi was one of the people involved.

Four years ago, Tang Guo Dong who had begun reforming Xing Tian Meng met up with Li Zhen-jie, and according to what Chen Wen Hao said, Tang Guo Dong once handed over a package to Li Zhen-jie, but after the homicide happened, that package was taken away by the shooter.

And now, Zhou Guan Zhi is involved in a homicide that happened four years ago, and this is related to drug trafficking.

It can’t be-

“I know who the murderer from four years ago is!” Shao Fei shouts at Zhao Zi who’s standing in the stairwell, his feet coming to a stop.

“What? Ah Fei you know?”

“Zhao Zi, I’m going to go find Tang Yi, you hurry head to the station and get some people over, hurry! Any later and we won’t make it!”

“What do you mean by we won’t make it? Ah Fei! Ah Fei!”

With that said, and not caring about Zhao Zi’s calls, he immediately rushes down the stairs. He opens the door to the car he parked in the alleyway and sits in the driver’s seat.

“Tang Yi, you must not do anything foolish!”

Inside the speeding car, Shao Fei frowns as he holds onto the steering wheel, then steps harder on the gas pedal, quickly driving towards Tang Yi’s house.

Tang household

“Tang Yi!”

Shao Fei pushes aside the Xing Tian Meng lackeys that are blocking his way to the living room, and once he goes in, he sees Zhou Guan Zhi with his hands tied behind his back, his face bloodied as he kneels on the ground. In front of him on the table, a picture of Tang Guo Dong and a gun is placed there.

Tang Yi stands next to the table and glares at Tang Guo Dong’s murderer in anger from a higher angle, and then reveals a cruel smirk. His fingers are dripping with Zhou Guan Zhi’s blood.

“Ah Fei! Save me! I beg you please save me!” Zhou Guan Zhi hollers anxiously, seeing that the person who walked in is someone familiar, as if this is his only chance of survival.

“You still don’t intend to tell me the truth? Good, since this mouth is of no use, I shall knock out your teeth one by one.”

Tang Yi cracks his knuckles, the sound of his bones interlocking echoing.

“Tang Yi…”

Shao Fei walks until he’s in front of this man, whose murderous intent is apparent. Looking into his eyes, he tries to calm the person whose emotions are out of control down.

“If you kill him right now, we’ll never know the truth! You let me bring him back to the station to investigate, and I promise I’ll give you the truth back from four years ago.”

“The truth?” Tang Yi sneers, and says, “I don’t need to know the truth, all I need to know is that this is the person who killed Tang-ye and that is enough!”

Shao Fei sighs as he turns around and walks to Zhou Guan Zhi, and from start to end says what he found out.

“Ah Zhi-ge, I already know that the people who released the confiscated drugs from the station is you and laoda. Li Zhen-jie, who has always hated drugs, must have found out about this and so cooperated with Tang Guo Dong to find the internal mole in the station, but they would never have thought that the people she was looking for were the both of you.”

“…”

Zhou Guan Zhi glares at Shao Fei, who has deduced most of what happened, his entire body trembling.

“I just don’t understand, laoda did it to raise the funds needed for Xiao Ya’s medical fees, then what did you do it for? That you needed such a huge sum of money?”

“Gambling debts…”

Shao Fei inhales sharply, his eyes reddening as he looks at his colleague, who he has gone through so much with, and then asks, “Then why did you kill Li Zhen-jie and Tang Guo Dong?”

“I… I didn’t… I didn’t…” the person who still refuses to tell the truth shakes his head vehemently.

Tang Yi picks up the gun on the table and presses it against Zhou Guan Zhi’s forehead, then unlocks the safety. As long as Tang Yi’s index finger moves on the trigger, he will turn into a cold corpse. In the face of the threat of death, Zhou Guan Zhi sobs and yells at the only person who can save him now, Shao Fei, as if mad.

“Yes! It was me! It was me! He Hang told me it was Li Li Zhen and Tang Guo Dong who were cooperating to investigate the people in the station, and he said I would be done for, so I… Ah Fei… please bring me back to the station… I beg you… I don’t want to die here, I really don’t want to die… Ah Fei…”

“Tang Yi, let me bring him back.”

Shao Fei looks at the man, who has blood and tears all over his face, with both disgust and anger. He heads over to Tang Yi’s side and reaches out to press down on the muzzle of the gun pointed at Zhou Guan Zhi’s forehead. 

Even though he knows the truth, Shao Fei can barely resist the urge to beat up this man, who he once thought of to be his brother, but as a police officer he has to stick to his duties and the law. This is a line he will not compromise on.

“These four years, all I’ve been thinking of everyday is how to take revenge for Tang-ye!”

“But I can’t watch you kill someone in front of my eyes.”

“Then arrest me!”

Bam!

The sound of a gun firing shocks the three people present in the living room.

Blood drips down his fingertips onto the floor incessantly.

“Don’t.. don’t kill others…”

Shao Fei, who pushed Zhou Guan Zhi aside and dived towards the gun, says weakly as he looks at the man who is holding onto him tightly.

“Why did you have to stop me like this….”

Tears fall uncontrollably onto Shao Fei’s face.

“As long as I can stop you from killing others, I.. it doesn’t matter….”

Wanting to use his usual tone and smile to chase away the shadows cast over the other’s heart at present, Shao Fei is unable to even lift up an arm to wipe away his lover’s tears.

“Meng Shao Fei, you’re the stupidest police officer I’ve ever seen.”

“And that’s why I fell in love with you, is that not?”

Those pale lips curve indulgently, and he turns his head a little, wanting to see the other man’s expression more clearly, but he pulls at the bleeding wound on his right chest.

“Don’t move.”

Tang Yi uses a hand and presses at the gunshot wound, applying pressure to slow down the flow of blood, and at the same time uses his bloodied hand to make a call as he says anxiously, “I need an ambulance here, someone was shot.”

“Meng Shao Fei, you better live on well.”

Shao Fei’s heart cannot bear to see Tang Yi’s tears as they fall continuously onto his face, and looking at the man who has said this through gritted teeth in a threatening tone, it’s as if they have gone back to the days of their first meeting.

That stoic, expressionless Xing Tian Meng leader that no one dares to approach-

-Tang Yi.

[words-for-holland]

Happier (4) | T.H.

Summary: Y/N & Tom speak to each other for the first time in 3 weeks! Tom is in talks of doing a new movie. Lots of yelling, painful pictures being sent. Harrison and Harry go on a trip. Does Kate finally tell the truth to Y/N?

A/N: Hmmm....seems like Natalie & Matt is everyone’s favorite/hated suspects. More theories lets hear em!!!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Sanctuary

Its a word often used to protect those within a troubling world. For some it’s a church, a home, sometimes a family and friend. For Y/N and Tom, sanctuaray was no where to be found. Three weeks it’s been since the world felt like it collapsed on Y/N and Tom. Three weeks of feeling left in a troubling space that they could not get out of...until now. As soon as they heard each other’s voices on the phone, it gave them a moment of relief, but only for a moment.

“So...how are you?” Tom asks nervously. He wanted to pick his words out carefully in hopes that he wouldn’t upset her.

“Im okay.” Y/N responds quietly as she looks back at her phone. No message yet, maybe she was in the clear and that gave her a small boost of confidence. It was going to be okay. “How about you?” She asks back, not really sure how to carry the conversation. In any case, how does one continue talking to an ex without making it awkward? Let alone how does one talk to someone without the fear of being blackmailed.

“Yeah Im great...really great.” Tom lies and chuckles nervously.

Y/N could tell by the tone of his voice how nervous he was. A habit she always found to be adorable for him. Y/N rolled her eyes with a slight smile before she questions him in a serious tone “Why did you call Tom?”

Tom closes his eyes, letting out a stressed sigh. “I miss you Y/N and I dont care what you say or what you said to me that night, but this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I miss you too but things happen beyond our control, Tom. Sometimes it just can’t be helped.” Y/N responds nonchalantely, staring at her phone again. No messages still.

“Thats a load of bullshit and you know it. We were supposed to get through anything. Fuck the rumors fuck everything! This isn’t like you Y/N!” Tom vents out every feeling and thought he had since she left. “You say you miss me but then what are we doing? Why are we continuing to hurt ourselves like this?”

Y/N shakes her head, knowing deep down the reason why but could never say. Not unless she wanted to ruin his dream. She could never. “It’s not that simple.” She croaked.

“We would have found a way to get through it, but you gave up so easily. I know for a fact my Y/N never gave up without a fight.”

Y/N looks again at her phone, and no messages were to be found. Maybe she could tell him, and they wouldnt know, but Y/N knew better. Somewhere out there there was someone always watching her every move. “I cant do this right now. Goodbye Tom.” Y/N hangs up as she continues to cry herself to sleep. So much for sanctuary.

Its the morning after, and as Y/N heads downstairs, she hears soft laughter and conversations echoing through the halls. For a second it almost sounded like Tom’s, and she hurried toward the room only to be disappointed. In the living room was Matt and Kate as they made small talk awaiting for Y/N’s arrival.

“Y/N! You’re awake!” Kate exclaims as she gets up from the seat to give her a hug. “Look who decided to drop by!”

Matt looked up at Y/N and gives her a shy smile and wave. He’s dressed in his navy blue LBI shirt and cream colored shorts. It was typical high school Matt...nothing had changed with him.

“Yes I see that....I’m sorry did we have plans and I forgot?” Y/N asked confused.

“No actually uh I invited him over because I knew you wanted to catch up with him after last week..so I pulled some strings.” Kate whispers.

“You..what?” Y/N asked annoyed, her eyes glaring and her brows furrowed. If there was one thing Y/N hated it was blind dates. She had stressed that over and over throughout the years that she hated it, especially with people she used to have romantic feelings for. The keyword..USED.

“Cmon Y/N. Remember this was the time for you to move on and forget. Plus you wouldn’t want to send him away after he came here just to see you!” Kate tries her best to sell it, she had to...there’s wasnt really a choice.

Y/N looked back at Matt and groaned silently to her best friend. “Fine I’ll go, but this is the last blind date you’re ever setting me up on AND you’re doing the dishes.” She emphasized as she got ready and grabbed her purse.

To say Y/N was surprised was an understatment. For sure, she had a feeling this was going to be awkward in so many ways like any other first dates, but this...wasn’t too bad. Though she realized it wasn’t a date this was just two old friends catching up from the past.

She learned a lot about him and how his younger brother Steven was working on becoming an engineer and how his little sister Emily was also grown up and working towards becoming a physical therapist. As for Matt, he was working in the city too as an accountant for a finance firm. While they continued to eat their lunch at Chelsea’s Market, she couldn’t help but make the comparisons.

Matt didn’t dress up like Tom, didnt make her laugh like Tom does, didnt make her blush the way Tom does, didnt smile like Tom, and when he touched her hand...she didnt feel the goosebumps the way Tom would. It was clear. He wasn’t Tom and could never be Tom.

The date came to a close, but Y/N hadn’t really gathered much from it since she was so focused on Tom. Every word Matt had said to her barely made it through. She’d be lying if she didnt say the date was okay but she’d be lying even more if she had said she’d enjoy it.

She looked into his blue eyes as he looked into hers. Matt tried to lean forward to give her a kiss, but Y/N moved away. She couldnt. Not when Tom was still present in her thoughts and her mind. “Im sorry...I just got out of a serious relationship and well —” Y/N whispers feeling guilt in her heart.

“No no. It’s fine really. Maybe I was too forward with this and I had no idea....I’m sorry.” Matt laughs, feeling heavily disappointed. “I’ll uhh I’ll see you around?” Y/N nods as she waves him goodbye.

The next day, Tom wakes up in his bed still praying that this whole phase was just a nightmare he’s still having trouble waking up from. Today was not that day. He got up and dressed appropiately knowing that today would be a meeting for his upcoming project. He had forgotten all about it especially with everything going on. When he arrived and entered the room with Harrison, Natalie also appeared sitting in one of the chairs with a smile and coffee on hand.

“Jesus you’re like everywhere now.” Harrison speaks out taking the seat across from her, while Tom takes the seat next to Harrison.

“Well I mean I do live with you guys temporarily until my flat gets fixed, and I did get cast in the same movie as Tom.” She laughs pointing out the obvious.

Tom looked up, his eye wide open and brows raised. He completely forgot the fact that she was going to be playing his love interest for the film. He tried to recall if he had told Y/N about it before and if maybe that’s why she was also mad. Maybe if he told her now, that would make her feel better? Tom was lost in his thoughts he didnt hear the other publicists in the room calling out to him. “Tom are you listening?”

Harrison quickly hits his best friend to wake him up from his thoughts. “Huh? Uh..no sorry.” Tom confesses, looking down at the table.

The publicists, both roll their eyes in annoyance. “We’re telling you that you need to do a lot of PR for this movie in order to boost the sales, and recoginition for both you and Natalie. This means..you’re going to have to pretend you’re in a relationship for some time.”

Tom and Harrison are now fully attentive and furious. “What?! Im not doing PR for this. That is low for the both of us. We shouldnt have to fake a relationship to get our work across” Tom yells out fury burning in his brown eyes.

“I know Tom, but no one watches it for the films nowadays it’s about the image, and right now we’re trying to help both of yours and Natalie’s. You’ve been looking liek a depressed bloke this past month and Natalie is trying to get some exposure in the business.” The publicists expalin. “Harrison, help us out here.”

“Look mate, Im just his assistant. It’s up to Tom if he wants to do this or not.” Harrison speaks out as he points to his best friend. He faces Tom and whispers, “You don’t have to do this mate, there are other projects out there.”

Tom nods, as he looks at the room of people. He closes his eyes, but all he could see was Y/N. Deep down, Tom knew he couldnt do this to her. “I..I don’t think I can do this.”

Natalie and the publicists’ eyes shot up in fear, unhappy with the response given. They knew there was only one thing they could do now. “Ah I understand. It’s because of a girl isn’t?” Natalie’s publicist speaks out. Tom looks at her and then down at the table, as he slowly nods his head. “Yes well Natalie’s told me all about her. Seems like a bright girl, but believe Tom she doesn’t love you as much as you thought she did.”

Tom’s eyes dart towards the publicist as his eyes continue to stare down in anger. He was angry, pissed off that they could ever make that assumption. “Fuck you! You don’t know anything!” His tone set in anger.

“Oh..but we do. See you think Y/N is remaining as faithful as you after a breakup, but why is she already out with another guy.” The publicist continues. She hands her phone to Tom as he swipes through the pictures of Y/N and Matt’s date. He saw Y/N smile at Matt, laugh with him, and touch his shoulder. Yet, the one picture that broke him the most was the one where Matt almost kissed Y/N. While Tom didn’t know the backstory, he could very well imagine how it went. Everything in him shattered, and his eyes started to well up.

“Mate..there’s gotta be an explanation for all of this. Y/N wouldn’t move on from you that quickly. You know her..she wouldn’t. This is all rubbish.” Harrison tried to reason to his heartbroken best friend. For once, he couldn’t rule out Natalie. She didn’t blackmail Y/N, someone else did.

“Fine. I’ll do it.” Tom grumbles as he gets up and walks away.

The world was quiet for the next two days, and it almost seemed like a break from all of it. Back in the New York, Y/N was minding her own business in the apartment with Kate, when she got a text message.

Unknown

Answer the next phone call. ❤️

Y/N’s phone rings and it’s Tom. Her hands are shaking, afraid of what was going to happen. “Y/N.” Tom says shortly, tone filled with disappointment.

“Tom” Y/N replies, her voice shaking.

This wasn’t sanctuary anymore. This was hell.

“Tell me it’s not true.” Tom speaks out, needing to hear the truth. “Did you go out with another guy?”

Y/N hesistated for a moment, unsure of what to say. She could either lie or tell the truth but it didnt matter at this point she was fucked either way. “Yes.” She breathes out. “But — ”

“It’s not what I think? Right?” His tone getting louder. “So it’s okay for you to judge me with Natalie, but not okay for me to judge you with some bloke you’re with?”

“Matt is my friend and I had no choice in that matter!” Y/N yells out, unhappy with how Tom was confronting her.

“Did he threaten you?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment, not him but someone was threatening her. “No.”

“Then you did have a choice.”

As soon as Y/N was going to speak, she got a new message. This time it was a picture from Unknown. One of Tom and Natalie getting cozy as they walked out of a building. Natalie was smiling and Tom had his arms wrapped around her shoulder. “Yeah, guess you made yours too with Natalie.”

Tom was in shock, did she know about the him and Natalie. “Y/N it’s not what you —”

“What? What I think? Yeah that makes two of us, but you want to make assumptions? Fine. You look like you already moved on yourself, but moving on with a girl you know I can’t stand...that’s an all time low for you.” Y/N hangs up and throws her phone across the room. Kate quickly comes to comfort her best friend.

“He...he moved on.” She sobbed quietly in Kate’s arms.

“I know...it’s going to be okay.” Kate whispers. Tears started to also fall on Kate’s eyes as she saw how much pain her best friend was in. She looked at her phone and quickly deleted the pictures she had taken of Y/N and Matt. “Im so sorry. I..have to tell you something.”

Y/N had fallen fast asleep, exhausted from crying. Just when Kate was ready to tell the truth...the door rang.

“Kate!” Harrison and Harry said spoke out in relief as they hugged her.

“Hey..what are you guys doing here?” She asked surprised but also relieved.

Harrison and Harry looked at each. “We want to help find out the truth.”

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl​ @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts​ @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave​ @ifntelyinspirit​ @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco

[seedleaflesssapling]

Ver 2.0? Turning Point?

I can't really identify to which point in my life that i started to doubt myself but im pretty sure that it was because of UP. Damn, that school, my uni. It do really have the ability to make you feel small; i was in a disadvantaged side when i entered it, you know. I was acquainted, no we did not really talked one-on-one, but i heard when we did introductions - Pisay, UP High, science comprehensive schools, Xavier University, who wouldn't be intimidated by that when you came from Col. Ruperto Abellon National School (who would know where that is? I was lucky enough for a teacher recognized it and my classmates be like 'ahhhhhh,' .....really?! I dont even know where xavier is, it just sounds cool). Another thing is that, i wasn't a stem shs graduate - a leverage(?) or excuse (?) that i always use for them to know that i am at disadvantaged side here, not their competitor, probably a NOBODY. They, being stem graduates, have capstone projects you never thought that they have at that age, but i would hear them saying that it was publish in this journal (whatever, idk the journals lmao, i dont even understand their studies 2nd lmao, but that was some smart shit you know, a shit that makes me feel pathetic for being too proud of my what? Correlational study from inconsistent surveys?!!! Wtf, wtf, wtf). But it was a very good peer pressure you know, i kinda turned it that way. Being left behind, being on the rock bottom, i have no other place to go but up. It wasn't the goal, like making or taking the top spot, i just need to survive.

Inevitably, the exams came. I had hard time adjusting chem but math was kind to me. Who would have thought that i would get two 1.0 at my math subjects for the first semester, the sem that i thought i would barely pass. I was even a CS for that sem. Who would have thought? Our first chemical engineering subject that involves computations was on the list the next semester and the first exam, out of 100 i got something like 20ish. WTF. THAT WAS MY FIRST FAILED EXAM. but no, never did cry but tears were flooding inside. So apparently, i have to focus more on this subject and i did. Some were still failing, but i raised my average up. We also had physics, my first ever physics. I really love physics that time or that sir rommel is just a very good professor. I got the highest score on our second LE, everybody else did fail. Small victories. Not that they lose, but i just won. But i heard one time they were talking about me re: passing the physics exam and even getting a high score. They were uhm.. a guy i really look up to cause his good, the other was a girl that idk but i think she didn't like me back then. They were friends but eventually the girl transferred uni because who cares why. i heard the guy saying something like sin.o gid na si franklin nga taas iya score man, maybe even worse than that, i still look up to the guy even until now. But wtf. I really took it in that time, like i wanted to cry but did not. With all that, i got a fair grade at physics. I still got 1.0 at maths that sem and even maintained being on the CS list. S M I L E. BECAUSE WE HAVE A MIDYEAR CLASS. VERY EXHAUSTING FOR SOMEONE WHO DONT WANT ANYTHING BUT JUST ADJUST, SURVIVE, AND FIND MEANING OF BEING A UP STUDENT. It was just one subject and it was math, but i got 2.0?!!! I have no excuse to that, i am very grateful for the family who accommodated me. After midyear class, i did got sick, it sucks, really sucks. I wanted to file an LOA for the next academic year, it is the only thing i can think of for me to go back on track (i haven't said that my parents pushed me to graduate with latin honor and i wanted to also for my resume to look good because everything else in me is effed up). I really wanted to pause and be free for a while but i also wanted to graduate on time (mostly because i want to give the bitches who dared to have expectations be put on my shoulders not the satisfaction, but the audacity to tell them 'i aint did it for ya') so i asked mama. THANK GOD, SHE DID SAY NA KUNG ANO LANG KAYA MO, AMO LANG DA IH 😭😭🤧🤧 so i enrolled, but went to school late, haven't attended the school opening but all is good. I did kind of reset, just enough for me to face school again.

Second year, it was fucked. I did really love coding on octave and doing sheets at ms excel though. On that year, we have formed the che 103 bagsak group. Together with two of my classmates on 103 and math 55, we became buddies after failing che 103 on the first LE, another 30 over 100 exam hahahahaha. We made bawi just enough for us to pass the subject hahahahahuhu. I have thermodynamics sub, i barely pass. Thank G na wala ko nag removal. If ever i did, i am so sure that i wont make it. My GWA for that sem was not enough for me to be a CS. Who cares? I still did, actually but mama was never been too pushy since then, even since after midyear, after getting that 2.0 grade from the only subject i am good at. Btw, my math 55 for first sem, second year, was 1.25. Not a 1.0 but still, it's good. Second semester that year was when pandemic hit so there's nothing much to tell. I was, sorry but i was really, glad to be away from school for a while, not until for a while became forever. Virtual university set-up was very hard. With too much from taking in whatever i see and hear on my surroundings, even just at home, everything is difficult. It is very hard to find motivation and discipline in studying when i was surrounded with people who do nothing. Even to this point i am writing, everyday is like a battle, but is mostly an internal one. Self vs self, a war no one knows who will win. So the confidence, the tower of knowledge i did build, exponentially went down. I did really well when i was in grade 10, i did my best that time and it can be seen at the achievements i had that year. Being consistently on top 1 the whole year, placing second on division MMC (even getting the highest score on the written elimination round for the whole cluster), doing well sa physics under maam andico, placings on cluster journalism competitions - it was like a record best, best record (?) Whatever. But it wasn't enough you know, i eventually came fourth like wtf. I had read from somewhere Newton saying like the two years when he did write the three laws of motion and the calculus stuff were the two best years of his life, and it kept me thinking that what if mine already passed? That it was when i was in high school?

But, back when i was in school, every time that i was belittling myself or even at random times that i would feel nervous for nothing, my classmates and close friends would say na:

Uno mo man ang Math, uno mo na na (it was a one or two time thing, what if chamba lang to???)

Ikaw man highest sa first le sa thermo (it was really an absolutely one time thing, i barely passed that sub)

Alam ka man sa physics (i was just invested on physics and maybe nachambahan lang na ang ginpractice ko solve kay parallel sa exam ni sir)

Alam ka, d ka lang confident (OKAY???!)

I was ignoring those shit cause who cares if i did really good that time. Yeah, it felt good but it wasn't fulfilling. Satisfied but not happy. But with recent events, i think i would be changing. This post will be a written contract that i will push to be better, to start trusting myself, and build that confidence glow behind me; to believe that i am bright and i can hack it, whatever it may be.

For coherence, i would itemize na lang all of the events that brought me to epiphany lol

It was Friday, 17 Sep, when Dean, in our plant design subject, gave an activity for us - to come up with solutions that would address problems he presented. 1 off grid island community (either you address the water, electricity, and phone reception/signal problem under a 100k budget) and 2 vinegar packaging with a 500 mL volume and should cost less than the cost of vinegar. The due's on Monday, 20 Sep. The challenge is that you should come up with an idea that is not the same with those who already turned in their proposed solutions. I haven't turned in mine until Sunday afternoon. We are 23 in class, hence there should be 23 proposed solutions for each problem. However, only 20 or 21 turned in their solutions and as a student who decided to do it three days after the sheet was given, i was at the second to the last of the entries hahaha. I have limited choice since a lot have been proposed. And ngl, i did entered my idea for the first problem at Sunday evening and for the second problem it was on the afternoon of the next day. Those were basic solutions cause who am I? Am just your basic guy.

Tuesday, 21 Sep (#NeverForget #NeverAgain), class again for plant design (PD). Dean discussed stuffs which im ngl, i did not listen because im bored (not until he said 'we'll have a 5-min break and we'll have a quiz after that' like wtf, how will we do our quiz???!). After the short break, I did study cause i panicked as hell, he presented the prospects of the course, that we will be divided in groups and that the leaders were chosen based on the solutions they turned in the activity previously given. So there's no quiz, i was calm the whole time after that until my name was called. Like wtf??! Your basic guy will be a leader???! Hello!!! So i chat people, asked them if it was a good thing (course it was!!!? So dumb right?!). And then, i asked another leader and she agreed to my argument that we should only be divided into six instead of seven as what dean has decided. So i chatted dean (pic below). I just accepted the role half-heartedly.

As leaders, we should be hiring people for our team and we should make pubs. I dont have a canva account to help me do pubs. I made mine at MS ppt HAHAHAHAHAHA but im good so its cute. We were assigned with projects and i get to have the 4-member team. The vacant roles were project maven and liaison officer for a 3-member team. In my pubs, i included scrummaster as position to be filled, cause who am i to lead?! So yeah, that's it. I did the pubs Wednesday and I submitted my resume Thursday (third to the last hahahaha but my resume's cute hahaha).

Thursday. So i had this invite by a classmate to join the Shell event long time ago. He was reaching out for someone to ask Dean for his approval because Dean did not replied to the email he sent. So, i volunteered. I really want this competition cause this will be my first and maybe last competition as a UP student. So i DMed dean and blah blah blah he asked for selection process. I relayed the message and apologize to them for being me because i was thinking that it was me who made him come up with the decision of having the team be selected. Like, wtf i was just asking for his approval. Getting kicked out of the team was not my intention. Those whom i chatted that night were telling me that it wasn't my fault blah blah blah. So i half-heartedly agreed to them.

Friday came, yesterday, the interview. I am very anxious for someone who will be the one asking the applicants lmao. I already have been interviewed before for college applications and somehow remember the feeling, nerve wracking, whatever. To calm my nerves, i listed questions which i never got to ask properly btw, but at least i have concrete ideas on what to ask. The first interviewee was my very closed friend and so we just laugh and laugh and laugh HAHAHAHAHA. IDK if dean saw it but who cares. And the next and next and next. 3:30 passed by fast and guess what??? YOUR BASIC GUY HAS THE MOST NUMBER OF APPLICANTS TO THE POINT THAT DEAN CUT MY LIST. IT WAS EXHAUSTING BUT VERY FLATTERING. I FEEL SO HONORED. i really thought and very scared at the thought that no one will apply to me but wtf, just wtf. Ranking my applicants was damn hard. 1 i have a dream team but one was cut by dean; 2 this could make my friends mad; 3 this will be the group for the whole year; 4 i am really exhausted. But still, i submitted the list. I was hoping for the people i chose to choose me back. Only two out of three did, i am forever grateful.

Still on Friday, the classmate who invited me to the Shell thing and Dean had a zoom call and discussed about the competition. That classmate told dean what i told him the other day that i might be the reason for the decision of having the selection process done. He told me this through a voice memo, katamad daw magtype. A voice message that i played over and over again. Dean actually find me interesting (?), Invested (?) Idk exactly but the classmate told me na 'may nakikita daw talaga sya sayo. Na grabe ka ka-practical as a person like yung ideas mo daw sa plant design napakasimple lang pero napaka practical to the point daw na madami nag apply sayo kanina. And then, you need more confidence lang daw talaga' so ig, you basic guy is a practical guy now. It's just flattering.

Now, whatever happens, i must meet those expectations right? This could be a lousy motivation but what is if there's none? I dont know why im writing this. I just thought i should get my thoughts out. Ver 2.0? Turning point? Let's just do good 😌

PS I put this on my bio on FB, guess im getting more public, and if you happened to read this because you saw the link on my bio, send me a message about you thoughts.

PPS if your initials are JTZC, these have been my week and i miss you even though you're not interested in me anymore, you are hard to forget

[princessjungeun]

Forgetting Date Night: Lia x Reader

Request: hello🤗 i was wanting to request a really angsty scenario where you and lia have a date night somewhere away from home and you forget about it causing lia to come home to see you just on the couch and she tells you how shes the busier one so she should be the one "forgetting" about planned dates

You had just worked one of the most intense weeks of your entire life. As a software engineer of one of the biggest technology companies in Korea, your job was demanding. Recently the competing company came out with a piece of technology very close to that of your companies. Since then, you’ve been working least 12 hours a day, getting home late and leaving the house early.

Your girlfriend Jisu also had a high demand job, however you knew no matter how much you worked, her job trumped yours. However, right now your job was definitely more work than hers. This week she wasn’t working, as she and her members were on a three week break from promotions. Her group had a total of 15 stages and countless interviews, variety show appearances, and photo shoots. Finally she was able to get a break.

When you got home you noticed Jisu wasn’t home. She’d been catching up with her friends quite a bit recently so you wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what she was doing.

All you wanted was to go to sleep, usually you would wait for Jisu to come home but you couldn’t stay awake any longer. You changed into more comfortable clothes before flopping onto your bed.

Just as you started to fall asleep you heard the front door fly open, hitting the door stop loudly. You froze not knowing if it was Jisu or an intruder. Not knowing what to do you closed your eyes slowly and turned your face into a pillow.

“Are you kidding me?” Was all you heard when the person came into your room. You recognized the voice, Jisu, and she wasn’t happy. Slowly you opened your eyes and turned to her “hi baby.” She responded harshly “dont hi baby me! Do you know what today is?”

You didn’t know, to be quite honest the days have all jumbled together in your mind due to the stress of your job. All you knew was that it wasn’t the weekend because you just got off of work, and you don’t work on weekends.

She took the blank look on your face as an answer. “Wow ok then.” She rolled her eyes and walked out, slamming the door loudly behind her. You rubbed your temples trying to remember what today was. Why could she possibly be so upset? It’s not her birthday. It’s not your birthday. Your anniversary is in three months. So what could it be?

You replayed the interaction in your head. She was wearing clothes that weren’t her usual style. She looked almost dressed up? The buzz of your phone snapped you out of your trance. A calendar reminder appeared on your lock screen:

Date with Jisu @ 7

Your eyes widened as you frantically got up calling out her name. “Jisu-ah!” You saw her sitting alone looking out the window, deep in thought.

You tapped her shoulder knowing that pulling her into your arms wasn’t the best idea right now. “Jisu I’m so sorry. Really I forgot about tonight, work has been so much recently I lost track of the days. I will make it up to you I swear. It’s all my fault... and- I’m just really sorry.”

Judging by the look on her face, she definitely wasn’t having it. She responded “really? You forgot about our date that I planned two months in advance. Mind you this was while I was preparing for a huge comeback!” Her voice rose steadily as she continued “I DANCED EIGHT HOURS A DAY! I SANG SO MUCH I COULD BAREY TALK. I SLEPT LESS THAN FOUR HOURS FOR THREE MONTHS STRAIGHT AND I STILL MADE EVERY DATE WE HAD. AND YOU ARE HERE ASLEEP?! YOU HAVE THE DAMN NERVE TO TELL ME YOU CANT REMEMBER ONE SIMPLE FRICKING DAY?!” Her voice jumping at least six octaves on the last word, making it sound more like a squeak.

You were not one to yell and neither was Jisu, but you snapped. “EXCUSE ME? I JUST APOLOGIZED AND ADMITTED IT WAS MY FAULT! I SAID I WOULD MAKE UP FOR IT! I HAVE BEEN WORKING A LOT RECENTLY TOO! I KNOW YOUR JOB IS A LOT MORE DEMANDING THAN MINE, BUT YOU WILL NOT SIT HERE AND MAKE ME FEEL BAD AS IF I WASNT WORKING AT ALL. I HAVE BEEN BOSSED AROUND BY EVERY IMPORTANT PERSON IN THAT BUILDING EVERY DAY FOR HOURS WITHOUT BREAKS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE HAVING TO GO INTO WORK CONSTANTLY TRYING TO PROVE THAT YOU CAN DO JUST AS WELL AS YOUR MALE COWORKERS WHILE YOU ARE THE ONLY FEMALE IN YOUR WHOLE DEPARTMENT? NO YOU DONT JULIA. SO IF I TELL YOU IM SORRY AND THAT I HAVE BEEN WORKING SO HARD I LOST TRACK OF THE DAYS. TRUST AND BELIEVE I AM SERIOUS. BECAUSE I AM NO SLACKER. You and I both know that.”

You got up and walked back to your room, slamming the door behind you. The two of you had never really gotten in a fight like this. Typically one of you would have cracked and cried, prompting the both of you to forgive each other quickly.

You didn’t know what to do or who to call so you decided on the first person in your contact list.

They asked Hello?

You responded “Hey can you come over, I need you” They hung up without saying another word.

You knew Jisu probably ran to Yeji or Ryujin’s, but judging by the fact that Ryujin hasn’t sent you a form of “what the hell did you do to my best friend” text. She was probably with Yeji.

After ten minutes your heard the door open followed by “Y/N?! HELLOOOOO?!” She walked you your room and immediately hugged you. “What happened? Where’s Jisu?” You sat up and responded “we got into a fight.”

You spent the next thirty minutes explaining to Jungeun what happened. When you were finished she told you “well you have to understand why she’s upset. You know how much we work as idols, how hard it can be. But she still made time to plan and go out on dates with you. But she also has to realize she’s not the only one with a hard job. You have been working really hard recently. You two need to get together and talk about how you both feel about this. Then apologize to each other for yelling at each other. Call me and tell me how it goes later ok?”

She hugged you then slipped out of your apartment quickly. Hours passed and Jisu still hadn’t returned home. As much as you wanted to fall asleep, you couldn’t knowing that she was still upset.

•

•

•

“Y/N?” Jisu softly whispered, you could tell she’d been crying for some time. “Yeah?” You sat up and turned on the lamp next to your bed. She sat down next to you and said “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I know you’ve been working a lot more than usual recently. And I should have been more understanding but I wasn’t. You didn’t deserve that, I’m sorry.”

You told her “I’m sorry too. I should have been more attentive. I should have looked at my calendar and saw that you made a date for us. And I shouldn’t have yelled at you, it wasn’t right.”

You opened your arms for her to crawl into them. She smirked and straddled your waist. Forcefully she kissed your lips. Your hands found your way to her waist, holding her closer. Her hands laced in your hair as she started kissing down your jawline to your neck. You whimpered softly “L-Lia-yah...” which just made her want to continue. You finally were able to gain control of yourself and pull away. She pouted and you kissed her lips softly “I can’t tonight...i’m too tired.”

She rolled off of you and curled into your arms. Her duality in this context truly baffled you, even after being with her for two years. You stared at the ceiling, mind empty, zero thoughts running through your head.

“Baby girl.” Jisu poked your cheek. You turned and looked at her, your eyes half open “hmmm?” She laughed softly and said “go to sleep my love.” You kissed her softly again before closing your eyes and drifting off to sleep.

[wolferals]

he‘s the good guy

THIS IS THE SECOND PART OF „he's the bad guy"!!!

*sexual content, mentions of sex*

*

*

-8pm was getting close and you werent even dressed yet

-you decided to wear some jeans, a white top with a high collar and an oversized jacket

-you had no clue what this guy (whose name you still didnt know) had planned or why you were going in the first place

-like you didnt know shit about him

-and you had a boyfriend

-kind of

-you had tried to call Julio all week but he'd either declined your call or ignored them

-maybe that was also a reason why you decided to go

-your motorcycle dude at least paid attention to you and made you feel some type of way

-so you put on your pre-picked outfit and put your hair in a high ponytail

-next you grabbed your bag and your phone and left your apartment to get to the subway

-it didnt take you long to get to the street where the race had been held a couple days early

-but now the streets were pretty empty, only a couple of people with their dogs or walking home after work or something

-you walked over to a staircase and sat down to wait for the mysterious man on the motorcycle

-it was now 8:13 finally he showed up and stopped on the street in front of you

-he took off his helmet and spoke:"hey girl, didnt think you'd show up bebesita. Come on."

-he was wearing black pants and a loose button up shirt

-you walked over to him and took the helmet from his hands

-„hey." you smiled and sat behind him

-„where are we going?"

-you heard him laugh and then he started the engine

-„to a party."

-on the drive to the party you held onto his stomach again

-„whats your name?" you then asked him

-„ill tell you, dont worry. But not now bebe." he said cockily and took a sharp right turn which made you scream out loud because you thought you'd fall off

-„thats right cariña, scream for me."

-you hit him in the back for that stupid answer

-when you guys entered the party he grabbed your hand and pulled you towards a group of people

-he introduced his friends to you and then pulled you through the party again

-„where are we going?" you asked him but he kept walking and then stopped in the kitchen

-„here have a drink and talk to some people, i'll be right back."

-he handed you a cup, gave you a wink and left you alone in that strangers house's kitchen

-„did you come here with A.P?" a random girl then asked you, coming up to you with 2 of her friends

-„i dont know his name to be honest." you just bluntly spoke

-„be careful honey, he's not really what you'd call a good person." the blonde spoke

-you looked at her in confusion

-„what do you mean?"

-she jumped onto the kitchen counter and started:"He gets into fights a lot, apparently he once almost killed a guy because he had taken one of his cigarettes and i bet he's fucked every girl in Madrid."

-you swallowed

-„just saying. Be smart girl, im just trying to help you out here, A.P is sexy i get it but this dude got no heart at all."

-you nodded and then looked around to see if you could find him somewhere since he was the only person you knew

-„do you want to sit with us?" her brunette friend then asked you but had already taken your hand and pulled you to the living room where you could see a bunch of people talking

-„guys that's y/n." the blonde who had introduced herself as Sheila said

-you greeted the group and sat down with them

-for about 15 minutes everything seemed fine, the guys were nice, the girls werent bitches and you actually enjoyed yourself

-then this guy named Oliver sat down next to you and you started talking to him

-he was super nice and it was fun chatting

-but then suddenly someone grabbed Oliver by the collar and spoke:"get the hell outta here."

-the motorcycle guy/A.P was standing in front of you and said:"come on." he grabbed your arm and pulled you away from the people

-„what the fuck?!" you yelled and tried to free yourself

-„they're bad people, dont talk to them, joder."

-„what the fuck is your problem? I dont even know your name first of all and second you dont have the right to touch me like this."

-it didnt happen often that you freaked out like this in public but it genuinely annoyed you how he was treating you

-he pulled you upstairs to the balcony and then let go of you

-„what is wrong with you?" you asked him and hit him in the chest

-„for gods sake girl, calm down. I just dont want you to get involved with those people." he rolled his eyes at you

-you walked up to the railing of the balcony and looked down at the people that were dancing and having fun in the backyard

-„funny how they told me the same about you."

-he stood next to you and then looked at you

-„dont get sentimental here. We're either gonna have some fun or I'll take you home and you'll never hear from me again." he spoke

-you looked up at him and then took a deep breath

-„alright then lets go."

-you grabbed his hand and took him back inside

-„where are we going?" he asked you this time

-„you said you wanted to have fun. Lets go to your place."

-on the drive to his place on the motorcycle you got really nervous but also the alcohol you've had got you excited for what was about to happen

-once you were inside he grabbed you immediately and lifted you up

-you wrapped your legs around his waist and he carried you to the bedroom

-you couldnt see much of the apartment since it was dark

-he threw you onto the bed and ripped your pants off in a rapid motion

-then he crawled inbetween your legs and took off his shirt

-his body was fucking hot, you bit your lip

-„like what you see baby?" he grabbed your hand and ran it down his abs

-„mhm." you moaned and took off your shirt as well

-„fuck im gonna make you feel so good."

-he took off his pants, making his boner visible

-„you're so hard." you grinned

-he laughed a little and then crawled on top of you

-„open your legs baby." you did as he said

-he then pulled your panties to the side and ran his tip over your clit

-you moaned out softly and then told him to finally do something

-he didnt waste any more time and slipped his cock inside of you

-he was huge

-and it did hurt a bit but it felt fucking amazing at the same time

-„yeahhh." he groaned and started sucking on your neck

-„you're so big."

-that was the last thing you could really say before he started pounding you like you're a whore

-all you did was scream

-he fucked you in a way you'd never imagined you'd like it

-but it was all you ever needed

-he kept hitting your g-spot making your back arch

-„such a good girl for me, show me that tongue babe."

-you stuck out your tongue just to feel him sticking his thumb in your mouth for you to suck

-„mhmm yeahh." he moaned and then threw your legs over his shoulder

-that gave him another angle that hit different

-you didnt even know what to say or what to do, all you knew was that this hot badass guy fucked you into oblivion

-and you wanted to do this forever

-but unfortunately then you feel your orgasm building up

-„im... gonna cum." you moaned loudly and threw your head back again

-„come on babe, cum for me. Cum. Cum baby."

-you got closer and closer and before it really hit you he said:"Scream my name, tell me who's making you feel good. Say it, say my name. Arón."

-you screamed his name as he had said and your body kept shaking as he kept fucking you

-„baby help me out here." he pulled out to give you a second

-so you knew what you had to do and you brought your lips down to his tip to suck it

-you started licking his shaft but then took him into your mouth and bobbed your head as fast as you could

-then you decided to deepthroat him which threw him over the edge and he screamed really loud

-you've never seen a man orgasm like this

-he cursed and moaned for a while before you could feel his muscles relax and laid down next to him

-you guys tried to catch your breath while he put his arm around you

-„fuck." he spoke and looked at you

-you took a deep breath

-„so. Arón huh?"

[freebooter4ever]

my dad group texted my brother and i, highly unusual, and i think jordan was weirded out too cause his response was equally short and confused. on the list of things my little brother and i have never discussed, our dad’s relative interest or lack there of in our lives is pretty high. dad’s been messaging me since october, asking about stuff like where my next living plans are (which he has never done since i first moved out age eighteen), and i’ve only been vaguely responding to the point blank questions cause its just. so. weird. i think my grandpa’s death has shaken dad’s worldview a bit more than he’s been letting on.

he alienated my brother and i pretty much immediately after his secretive marriage to the bottle blonde rich bitch when i was 22. he kicked my brother out as soon as jordan turned 18, and when i discovered this by coming home one summer and seeing jordan wasnt in the house, i got so fucking mad that it was the first time i ever had a full out screaming match at my dad. and apparently this display of anger was when rich bitch decided she didn’t like me (probably valid, but also ironic because pretty much from birth it was known in my entire extended family that dad and i were almost identical personality wise, and both of us have tempers where we will not get mad at anything but frustration will build up and up until on the rare blue moon it boils over, and oh boy. watch out. those moments were the only times i was ever scared of my dad as a kid and i think it only happened twice in my entire life)(if she thinks im crazy when im angry, she should see my dad)

but i was crazy mad because while i was lucky enough to be put in therapy due to attempting to starve myself into non existence at age 13 (many many sessions of ‘family’ therapy with me in the center of a long couch silently trying to pretend i was invisible and my mom two feet away at one end and dad on the opposite end of the couch, and my mom doing all the talking, ranting and raving about how im starving myself to punish her. and then the therapist kicking both my parents out and trying to convince me to say a few words, and her finally getting me to realize that how my mom treated me was not normal and not something i needed to put up with if it made me sad and scared, and then the therapist realizing that i was still too sad and scared to confront it, and her and i coming up with a compromise where we would tell my mom that i was just ‘really attached’ to dad’s house and it wasnt that i was terrified of living with my mom or liked my dad better, it was that i just really liked living in one place instead of out of a suitcase and moving every week), and so had both the therapist and my dad supporting me when at fourteen i finally said enough was enough and demanded that my dad get full custody so i didnt have to spend every other week with my abusive mother anymore - while i got out of that situation, my brother didnt. i tried, he knew that it was my decision to live full time with dad and i made it clear he could do the same, but just as it was a given that i was identical to dad’s personality, my brother was identical to mom’s so i think he was more attached to her than i was. either way, he always refused and insisted on continuing to live between both of them. after i hit driving age, my dad transferred responsibility to me for shuttling my brother to and from my dad’s house to my mom’s apartment. dad’d lock himself in his room, or go to the gym, and i’d turn on an endless rotation of star wars movies for jordan and i to watch before i had to take him to his next week’s place (phantom menace was our favorite cause darth maul was just cool ok, dont judge).

anyway, the last day i ever stayed at my moms house, my brother was there. and i must have been twenty or twenty one because he would have only been around seventeen. but even at seventeen he was well over six foot five cause he got all the height in the family which was totally not fair but thats besides the point. so while i was there my mom flew into one of her alcohol induced rages, and took it all out on my brother. i had intellectually figured that all the anger my mom used to take out on me had then transferred to my brother once i stopped living there every other week, but up until that point i hadn’t actually seen it. she started shoving him, and punching him, and not enough so it would hurt much, because as i said he was well over six feet and she was barely five six, so he could pretty well block any thing she dished out. but he was cornered, and he looked scared. and i was hiding useless on the stairwell, crying, and begging mom to stop. and it only stopped cause jordan managed to slip out the front door and once he escaped mom went back into the kitchen, still yelling and angry. and i took the chance to grab my school bag and leave in solidarity. and my brother and i stood there awkwardly on the porch, me still crying, and him smoking and trying to look cool and not like he just got chased out of the apartment by a woman half his size. and i promised him we wouldnt go back until she calmed down, and that she was being unreasonable and he didnt deserve any of it, and id figure out somewhere to go. and we started walking down the sidewalk, but not together because we were never that close. he wandered off somewhere to smoke. and that’s as far as i remember.

this day came up in conversation with my grandma in the months after grandpa’s death, during one of our many three am can’t sleep conversations in grandma’s kitchen (grandma would wake up, i’d hear her get out of bed and wake up too. she’d make herself tea and eat some graham crackers and we’d sit together at the table feeling the third empty chair like an ache). grandma brought it up, because apparently, even though i cant remember this at all, i had my no/kia brick phone in my school bag (a minor miracle because i hated carrying around cell phones for the longest time), and i actually called grandma. and grandpa and her came to pick me up, and they found me sitting on a wall a block away from my mom’s apartment, and then we drove around till we found jordan, and then we all went back to my grandparent’s house. after bringing this up, grandma then, completely unprompted, told me something that child me thought about regularly - she said that even though her mom died when she was 8, leaving her to help raise her two younger siblings, grandma thought in some ways it was easier than what my brother and i went through with the divorce and my mom leaving. i used to regularly - not wish my mom dead, exactly - but wish i could pretend she was dead, rather than her just not being there anymore. especially since, when i was suddenly thrown into being her sole emotional and physical punching bag now that dad wasn’t filling the role anymore, a lot of the times being around her post divorce was not a good thing. (I cut off all contact with my mom finally at age 25 and haven’t looked back)

so yeah, i was fucking pissed that i had worked so hard to try to mitigate the damage i caused by leaving jordan alone with my mom for pretty much the entirety of my high school years...only to have my dad kick him out barely a few years after i left for college and thus putting my brother at my mom’s mercy. ostensibly my dad kicked my brother out because of his drug addictions, but my brother was the most mild mannered addict i’ve ever known. the worst thing he ever did was steal a couple hundred dollars from me, but he never got violent, he never got angry. other people got angry at him. my aunt once tried to fight him in a hospital elevator because he sold my cousin heroin or meth or some shit and my cousin ended up impaling a knife in his chest in front of my grandma, which is a whole nother story. but jordan was only nineteen when that happened. my cousin? thirty six. and a long time violent and angry drug addict with a record (he threw a book at his professor’s head and got kicked out of grad school while on cocaine once, which is how he ended up back in washington state and needing a new drug dealer - hence my brother suddenly getting involved) (same cousin later flew into a drug fueled rage in his forties and almost beat his girlfriend to death) (my brother was long since clean by then and had nothing to do with our cousin getting drugs at that point)

all this to say my dad’s rich bitch new wife didn’t think a drug addict and mentally ill artist fit into her picture perfect family, so dad started making it clear we were not welcome at family functions unless we complied with very strict rules. ironically, jordan was let back into the fold first partially because i can hold a grudge for a very long time and i was very very terrified of my mom and dad was the sane stable one and i had trusted him to take care of everything even without me there and dad had failed pretty spectacularly at that. im still bitter at my dad for his secret marriage and subsequent moving into her million dollar mansion and throwing my brother out. but also partially because jordan started following all of dad’s rules, got himself cleaned up (he moved in with his girlfriend, and i think being out of mom’s house had a lot to do with getting over his addictions), started studying computer science, found a really good software engineering job, suddenly dad approved of him. i also partially antagonized rich bitch wife by doing silly things like wearing black leather pants and the most provocative clothes i owned whenever i went over to their house. rich bitch was a very simple narrow minded person with a lot of prejudices. i imagine i was not seen as a good influence on her two younger daughters. and eventually they stopped seeing me altogether. even when i was living in washington for all of 2017 - the only time i ever saw dad was when he’d come visit my grandparents alone. the day before i took grandma on the train to move to ohio, we were supposed to all have dinner together at our family’s favorite place to eat out - crossroads mall - and the rich bitch refused to show up. that’s how petty she is. she also is so dumb she’s under the delusion that kids get into drugs if they don’t have dogs (????) so that’s why she forced my dad to get a dog for her spoiled brat youngest when the girl went into high school. my dad dislikes animals, so i will say one of the highlights of this marriage is seeing my dad become a dog person. the rich bitch and her daughters mostly ignore the dog, but my dad is so attached to max that he even lets the little puppy sit in his lap while driving. anyway, anyone who thinks dogs are the sole answer to preventing drug addictions can go to hell.

yeah, blah blah blah, to sum up its WEIRD for my dad to suddenly be texting my brother and i unprompted, and asking me about my life and my plans. i dont really know how to deal. i miss him. he was always the closest person in my life to the point where even when i moved away for college, i still assumed after i graduated i’d just move back in with dad so it was only four years being gone, cause why would i ever want to live anywhere else?. i kept thinking if i could hit some level of success that he would approve of, that maybe eventually i could become somebody his rich bitch wife would associate with. but that never happened, obviously. 

[dxlansdarling]

be there | e.d

Summary: You wanted to show your voice to the people you loved the most, but someone is missing.

Warning:  Kinda angst? But fluff at the end

Word count: 2.616

 Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes. The microphone was in your hands, still turned off, but in a few minutes it wouldn’t be. You wanted this, you had spent the last week practicing and practicing every day for this moment. You have never sung for anyone else but yourself, and when you saw a huge paper on a music-bar, saying that they were looking for some voices; you couldn’t help but write your contact on it. This was your chance.

Knowing you were this nervous, you asked only a few people to come to see you: Grayson, your best friend, and his girl, which also happened to be your girl best friend. And of course, your beautiful boyfriend, Ethan. It was a huge surprise for him knowing that his girl could sing but never showed it, so of course he was excited to see you on the little stage. He was really tired and busy that week, but he said and promised he was going to make it.

The girl who was hosting the little show went up the stage as soon as the song that a band was playing ended. She smiled at the few people that where on the bar, and raised her microphone to her mouth so she could speak.

“So awesome!” she almost shouted, making the speaker creek because of her high sound. “It’s so sad that it’s coming to an end, but we have one more person that is going to take our breath away with her voice!”

She never heard me sing.

“Let’s welcome the beautiful and talented, Y/N!”

You took one last breath before showing yourself on the stage. You could hear some people clapping, other chattering, and suddenly, a little scream. Your cheeks instantly blushed. Grayson was hollering your name, and his girl was laughing beside him but clapping loudly. You would have smiled at them, you were really happy they were there. But when your eyes landed on the empty chair beside them, your heart stung.

He wasn’t there.

It seemed that your face showed your surprise and disappointment, because when you looked at Gray, he was looking at you too, but sadly. He shrugged his shoulders and mouthed an “I don’t know”. Swallowing your feelings as soon as you started to feel them trying to prick your eyes, you looked at the girl beside you.

“Thank you very much” you said, and clearing your throat, you showed your best smile “This song meant a lot to me when I was growing up, and as it is the first time I sing in public, I thought this was the chance to express myself with it”

You sat on the high chair that was on the middle of the stage, moving the microphone’s stick so it could be at your height while sitting. Looking at the guy that was waiting for your sign so the song could start, he nodded his head as soon as you looked at him and the song started playing.

  Me prendí fuego para despojarme (I set myself on fire to deprive myself)

Para desvestirme para desnudarme. ( To undress me, to undress me)

Me incendie toda para no quedarme (I set myself on fire so I couldn’t stay)

Ni aun ni en el viento podrás encontrarme. (Not even in the wind you will find me)

You felt betrayed. He promised he would be there. You understood the fact that he was busy and tired, but so were you every time you went with him everywhere. Recording his videos, editing them, making some videos with him and Gray; all that, knowing that sometimes there was no time to rest. You’d been dating for more than a year now, and in all that time, you have never asked for anything, because you didn’t need to. And the one time you asked him to be there for you, because you needed him to, he couldn’t do it.

  Y fui luz, fui destello (And I was light, I was flash)

Fui dolor, fui humana... (I was pain, I was human)

Cuando fuiste agua (When you were wáter)

Yo crecí en llamas (I grew up in flames)

Y cuando fuiste fuego (And when you were fire)

Me cayeron las lágrimas, lágrimas. (I cried tears, tears)

Y cuando fuiste sueño (And when you were a dream)

Yo estaba despierta (I was awake)

Y tú tan dormido (And you so asleep)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta. (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

  The tears were really trying to let themselves fall, but it was your first time on a stage, you didn’t want to cry, not even because of Ethan. You repeated yourself that, trying to soothe the pain inside your heart, while trying to continue with the song.

  Me prendí fuego para que me vieras ( I set myself on fire so you could see me)

Pero estabas ciego y ya no sentías (But you were blind and didn’t feel anything)

Y ahora qué quieres encontrarme toda (And now that you want to find me completely)

No hay fuego ni llama ni amor ni ceniza. (There is no fire, no flame, no love, no ashes)

  Y fui luz, fui destello (And I was light, I was flash)

Fui dolor, fui humana... (I was pain, I was human)

Cuando fuiste agua (When you were wáter)

Yo crecí en llamas (I grew up in flames)

Y cuando fuiste fuego (And when you were fire)

Me cayeron las lágrimas, lágrimas. (I cried tears, tears)

Y cuando fuiste sueño (And when you were a dream)

Yo estaba despierta (I was awake)

Y tú tan dormido (And you so asleep)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta. (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

  Soy el aire en ti, volando sin fin (I am the air on you, flying without end)

Soy la gota de amor volviendo a sumar (I am the drop of love added back again)

Soy tu alma sin luz que ya se olvidó (I am your sould without light that has already forgotten)

En ese corazón que ya se paró. (In that heart that has already stopped)

  You blinked so many times, you really did. You tried anything to stop the tears, but as soon as you felt the first one, then there was another, and another, and so it went. The people watching you probably thought you were emotional because of the song and the meaning it had for you, but only two of them that were looking at you intently knew the real reason behind your wet cheeks.

  Y fui luz, fui destello (And I was light, I was flash)

Fui dolor, fui humana... (I was pain, I was human)

Cuando fuiste agua (When you were water)

Yo crecí en llamas (I grew up in flames)

Y cuando fuiste fuego (And when you were fire)

Me cayeron las lágrimas, lágrimas. (I cried tears, tears)

Y cuando fuiste sueño (And when you were a dream)

Yo estaba despierta (I was awake)

Y tú tan dormido (And you so asleep)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta te diste. (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

  No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta. (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

No te diste cuenta, ni cuenta. (You didn’t even notice, even notice)

  A sob wanted to escape your mouth as soon as you stopped singing. You could hear people clapping again, others hollering, and other where whistling. You feel your heart proud of yourself, even though the pain, you felt proud of yourself. But the only person who you wanted to really be there, was somewhere else, not working because his brother was watching your perfomance, and forgot completely about your night.

You were more disappointed than proud.

 ♦

The ride back home was silent. The only noise you could hear was the beat of the song that was played on a radio station. Neither Gray nor his girl said anything about Ethan, not only because you didn’t want to ask, but because they also were pissed off with him. Gray tried to contact him all afternoon, but his brother was nowhere to be seen or known.

The car stopped in front to the twins’ house, and even when the engine stopped under you, you didn’t get off the car. You were alone at the back; you wanted to be there so you could silently cry your heart out without having someone next to you, looking at you or trying to comfort you.

You were really hurt.

Gray’s eyes met yours when both of you looked at the rear-view mirror. He sighed.

“I am going to kill him, I promise”

Smirking a little bit, you tried to joke with him.

“We will take turns.”

If Ethan didn’t die after his brother’s turn.

Closing the car’s door after you got out, you froze on your place when you heard an angry scream and a curse, followed by some orders or something like that. Grayson could hear it to, and looking sideways at you, he lunged at the door. You and his girlfriend went right behind him, trying to stop him while he was walking to his brother’s room. He was fuming and he was going to kill his brother.

Almost breaking the door, Grayson glared at his brother, who had his eyes wide opened, with one of the headphones behind his ears and the joystick in his hands. He didn’t even saw you behind Grayson, he was much bigger than you and you were easily hidden behind his back.

“Grayson, what the--? What’s wrong?”

Oh no.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Ethan?! ‘What’s wrong’?!” he exploded, walking to Ethan who instantly let his headphones fall as soon as he stood up from his computer chair “Where the fuck were you all this time?”

Ethan furrowed his eyebrows.

“I was here playing some games, we didn’t have to work today, did we?” he asked confused, still not looking at your direction. Grayson’s girlfriend almost slapped her forehead with her palm after hearing Ethan’s question. “Did something happen?”

If you didn’t speak, Grayson was going to murder him. So clearing your throat, you make yourself notice.

“You didn’t come, Ethan.”

His hazel eyes landed on you the moment he heard your voice, and you could see the worry on his stare as soon as he noticed your tear stained cheeks. He looked confused too, still not comprehending the situation.

“What do you mean? What did I miss?”

Before you could answer, Grayson shoved his phone onto his brother’s chest. Ethan looked down, and when the video his brother opened on his phone started playing, he was speechless. As he listened to you singing that beautiful song, his heart stung with guilt and regret. You sang beautifully, but his heart completely broke when he saw the tears falling of your eyes when you were on the stage. And he knew, he knew he fucked up so bad.

When the video finished, the room fell silent. You didn’t want to speak, you thought that if you tried to, only mumbles and incoherent words would come out. That’s how you were; shy and awkward when it comes to trying to not to break in front of someone. So instead of saying something, you excused yourself and walked as fast as possible to the nearest bathroom, where you locked yourself, and finally, let the sob you were trying to hold since the second you noticed Ethan’s absence at the bar.

You felt stupid for crying. It was supposed to be the best night ever, where you should be proud instead of sad and disappointed, which made things worse, because it angered you that your night ended like shit. If it wasn’t because you were trying to be so loud with your crying, the slam of a door would have scared you. That was probably Grayson going to his room, and you confirmed it when you heard Gray’s girl say some loud stuff to Ethan before slamming the door again.

It wasn’t until some seconds later, or probably a minute, that you heard some heavy footsteps walk up to the other side of the door.

“Y/N? Baby?” you heard Ethan’s soft voice call “Can-Can you please open? I want to apologize, like, so bad. I-I have no excuses, I know, but-please, can you unlock the door?”

A part of you didn’t want to open the door. You still needed to calm or soothe the pain in your heart, and you had a little bit of pride when it came to betrayal. But it was your silly and cute boyfriend the one who was begging you not only to open the door, but to forgive him. Yes, you were still pretty mad, but he did have his right to explain himself or at least make a good apologize speech before you break his nose with a slam of the door.

Unlocking the door, you sighed before opening it. You had to look up to stare directly at his eyes, the height difference between you two was huge. He still had his brother’s phone in his hands, but his hazel eyes were on you, and when he opened his mouth to say something, he closed his eyes.

“You have no idea how fucking sorry I am. I-I don’t know what happened to me, I don’t know how I could forget a date so important to you. I just don’t know. But what I know is that you’re amazing, you’re so beautiful and so talented. And meanwhile, I’m a jerk that doesn’t deserves to be listened to right now but that needs to tell you how sorry he is and how much he loves you. With all his heart. And I’m really proud of you, baby, you fucking slayed up there.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the end of his speech, tilting your head backwards and shaking it while still laughing. He was good with words, not with dates, but he really mended all the pain with some words. And that was one of the many reasons you were in love with Ethan Dolan.

When he regretted something, he knew exactly what to say to make you believe he was sorry.

Your eyes landed on him again, and then on his hands that were playing with the corner of the phone’s case. That was his nervous habit, which made you smile a little bit, and looking at his eyes again, you sighed.

“I’m going to draw you a fucking calendar next time, okay?”

Ethan smiled.

“Big on my room’s wall please.”

Laughing again, you threw yourself into your boyfriend’s arms, that hugged you tightly and warmly against his chest. You felt his lips kiss the top of your head, and his chin rest on top of it after that. 

“I love you, baby, and I love your voice.”

Smiling against the soft material of his hoodie, you smelled his scent.

“I love you too, assclown.”

Not only he was good with his words, but also he was good when it comes to make ups. Because the next day, as soon as you woke up and walked to the kitchen to get your morning coffee, you felt you heart beat so fast at the sight of a little stage made up with some boxes and chairs, meanwhile Ethan was sitting with his legs crossed on the floor, with Grayson and his girl beside him.

He was there.

first imagine here♥ i really hope you like it!

[amazignphil]

If you still want to believe that humanity exists, somewhere on this earth, you might wanna avoid this post. This will be long. This will be hard and this will definitely not be me trying to say I have humanity. Because I don’t. Nobody does anymore.

Reblog this if you will, or if you want but let me just say this. I am sorry beforehand. I am gonna talk a lot and i am gonna mention some gore and a lot of inhumanity.

Haven’t people always told you that “you should be good” or “be kind” or “be human”? Why has no one ever told you what you do when people AREN’T BEING KIND? why is it the automatic answer to people being suckyassholes is to be KIND in return? How is me not stepping on the tail of a dog after it bites me a good thing? Why should i just get my injections and let it be because IT HAPPENS?

How is the answer “its okay let it go it happens” supposed to explain anything? what its purpose? why is it that thats the answer we have the second something goes wrong. the second someone does something wrong, we reassure them it happens. we reassure the person being done wrong that it happens?

how is the answer “it haoppens” supposed to justify anything. It happens. It happens because you let it happen. Befre anyone starts bsing me saying that “girls ge raped are you saying that LET it happen?” and to those who thought that, no. girls don’t let it happen.

why should girls be the one that needs to protect themselves? why cant boys just CONTROL themselves? A person will try to console a rape victim saying, “its okay. i am sorry. but it happens. you’re not the only one.” and a friend of the rapist will reassure the rapist saying, “its okay. it happens. something people just can’t control themselves.”

its wrong. the phase “it happens” shouldnt fucking exist. yaknow why? let me throw at you something that happened to me today.

I was in a car (not our car because something was wrong with the radiator of the car and it was overheating the engine and stuff) and because my dad already has head injury, he called a driver who managed to borrow his friend’s car to drive us.

on the way back, this motorcycle/bike tries to cross the road from left to right through the zebra crossing. You know... the crossing used for PEOPLE to cross the road? Yeah that zebra crossing. Our driver honked at him asked like the “it happen” bengali scene it is, pulled down his window and actually politely asked him, “is this how you’re supposed to cross the road?” (no he wasn’t. he isn’t.) 

This guy, clearing on some kind f high, fucking trist to pull open the door f the side my sisters sat in at first instinct. My sisters smart so she locked both the windows and the door the second he climbed off his bike and started yellling. He couldn’t to my sis so he instead pulled open the door of my driver which again in typical bengali “it happens” scene is pen and my dad has to reach over and cover him from the fucking hits he’s throwing with his helmet at the driver and the car. My dad already had an head injury and guess what tis fucker did? 

he say the bandage on my dad’s head and hit that exact place hard with his fucking helmet thrice. THREE FUCKING TIMES. 

The guy didnt even have a single license plate on his motor. We couldn’t do anything abiut it. The guy also trashed the windshield of the carwith his helmet to the point tine little pieces of glass had come inside our car and we had to later clean it out. 

At that point.. i was just done with humanity. I had given up on it. I was done with it. I knew for a fact it had to be dead, at least inside to be this fucking cruel without a fucking reason and to resort to violence as thr FIRST straw. 

Since we were in the middle of a huge highway with extremely busy “it happens” bengali traffic, we had to pull to the side of the road when a woman, clearly seeing my bleeding dad, our broken car, and our tear faces came up to us to ask for money.

we never say no to people for money because they might need it for more than us and its okay. we’re okay with sharing. But at that time, i was furious. i lashed out.

At the women. At the woman asking for help. 

i lashed out someone asking for help not even five minutes after i learned how inhumane people could be. I became one of those inhumane people. 

And when I started crying about this and ranting the most stupidest ideas i’ve ever heard, my sister felt like it was the time to draw a line and snap me out before i loose all my “humanity that is left” nd she punched me. 

She punched me to stop me from becoming more inhumane but thats when she started crying. Because it wasn’t just her trying to pull me out of it, it was also her anger leashing out at me. She resorted to “inhumanity” to snap me out of my trance of being inhumane after i saw someone being the most inhumane person i’ve ever, and hopefully the only one, met. 

if this cycle doesn’t tell you humanity is dying each second through other people inhumanity, then i dont know what ever will. People stood by watching these guy(guys since the biker had other friends helping him hit the car and my dad) be this inhumane creature and turned a part of themselves to inhumanity by turning away from the scene and getting help. 

inhumanity is a disgrace that brings itself on through itself and catches other peoples with its long ass claws. Staying away from inhumanity? how do you do THAT when everything you do something wrong, something inhumane, people say “IT HAPPENS.” like its what HUMANE. LIKE ITS WHAT HUMAN DO ALL THE TIME. 

IT ISNT. IT SHOULDN’T BE. THE FACT THAT IT HAPPENS BECAUSE OF THE PHRASE IT HAPPENS SHOULD BE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND WE’RE CURRENTLY AT WITH THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF “SOCIETY AND LIVING TOGETHER IN PEACE AND HARMONY THROUGH MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING AND BOND” BITCH. THIS SOCIETY IS MAKING INHUMANE THINGS HUMANE BUT SPREADING “IT HAPPENS” AND WE’RE UST... GOING WITH IT. LIKE PUPPETS. WHERE’S THE “MUTUAL BOND” IN THAT. WHERE’S THE PEACE IN THAT?

Inhumanity is what i would say is the most common human trait i know of. 

[xxx-cat-xxx]

I don´t need to be the hero tonight

Another Iron Man Sickfic. This time he´s in a pretty bad shape both physically and mentally due to a battle lost, but, being Tony, tries to pretend that all is well in front of May and Peter. Set sometime after Spiderman: HC, assuming that May knows about the true nature of Peter´s internship by then. h/c, emeto, that´s it. For anyone wondering, the title is from a song I was listening to while writing (as in the first two fics I wrote).

I´d love to hear what you think about it.

Tony was mentally done with the day before it had even started. But he had promised Peter to accompany him and May on a picnic, and Tony Stark took pride in being man who kept his promises. So, he limped into the elevator that brought him down to the garage, dragged himself into one of his sports cars and set off to pick up his protégé .

He groaned when he left the highway and turned into a road filled with potholes that marked the entrance to Peter´s neighbourhood. Tony was hurting all over - nothing too serious, but enough to make him more than uncomfortable, especially when the car wanted him to witness every bump in the pavement.

He had taken heavy hits in the fight the day before, was covered in bruises and still bleeding from small to medium-sized wounds in several places. He was probably lightly concussed - at least the pounding ache in his head and the slight nausea in his stomach told him so, but he couldn´t be sure since he had not bothered to consult medical after the battle had taken a turn from bad to worse.

But to be honest, the headache might also stem from the indecent amounts of scotch in which he had tried to drown his anger after reaching back, or from the fact that he had just completed his third sleepless night in a row. He had actually planned on getting to bed early yesterday, not wanting to show up all zombie-like on Peter´s doorstep, but the debrief-turned-lecture had taken till 2 in the morning, and then his armour had been in dire need of repair, which was something he never, ever put off to later.

When he had been done mending the suit, the sun had already been up, and weighing the benefits of two hours napping against the amount of energy it would have taken to drag himself out of bed, he had opted for a long shower and a few cups of coffee in front of the TV instead. Which had done nothing to improve his mood, since footage of the inglorious battle had been playing up and down on every single channel in the country.

When he pulled up in front of May´s appartment, Peter was already waiting outside, and he couldn´t help but smirk at the happy smile on the kid´s face. He tried to get out of the car as smoothly as possible, but his swollen left knee protested at the movement and he couldn´t suppress a wince when he stood. Peter noticed and opened his mouth to ask, but Tony cut him off when May appeared.

“Pete, you never told me you were hiding a secret sister somewhere?” he joked, waving at May.

“And he never told me that you left engineering and are doing professional boxing now?” she rebutted, taking in the impressive shades of red and blue that decorated Tony´s face, before giving him a tight hug. “It´s nice to see you, Tony.”

As soon as they were sitting in the car, Peter started questioning him.

“What happened yesterday, Mr Stark? You got pretty beaten up, didn´t you?”

Tony frowned while turning down the heavy metal blarring from the car´s speakers. “Ya, kid, not really our most glorious moments. Would rather we don´t talk about it now?”

“But you should have called me! I could have helped, I-”

“No way, kiddo.” Tony gave him a serious look through the rear mirror. “That yesterday was NC-17, that was way above your paygrade. Apart from that, you had an exam, didn´t he?” He nodded in May´s direction for confirmation.

“Phh...” Peter blew out air angrily.

“Still, Tony”, May said in a softer voice, “you look pretty pale, are you alright? We saw you being thrown into that building on TV, Peter was worried all night you wouldn´t show up...”

“Hey, I wasn´t  really - that´s not fair,” Peter interrupted her, his face flushing red.

“I´m good”, Tony said, blinking away his ever-growing headache “Have a little faith, it takes more than a few criminals gone wild to bring down Iron Man.”

---

May and Peter had tried hard to produce a perfect picnic, and Tony felt guilty about how he just couldn´t really bring himself to enjoy. He pretended alright, chatting away, cracking jokes and having a competition with May about who could embarass Peter the most. He complimented May on her dress (which was in fact very nice) and the homemade food she´d brought (which was not). But in between, he could feel his mind drifting back to the battlefield, replaying the scenes, thinking about what he could have done different to yield a better outcome.

But the truth was, with a team that practically only consisted of him, Nat and his armours, with Rhodey on comm duty since he still hadn´t been cleared to fight, there was only so much he could do in a situation where they were significantly outnumbered. He didn´t want to admit it, but they would have needed Steve Rogers out there. The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth.

He felt himself grow more and more tired over the course of the morning, the lack of sleep finally catching up with him. Every muscle in his body was aching, the bruises and cuts throbbing in the rhythm of his heartbeat. His head was definitely hurting bad now, the too-bright summer sun constantly sending jolts of pain through his brain, and he wished he´d brought some Excedrin. He briefly considered asking May whether she carried any painkillers, but he didn´t want to give himself away, didn´t want to ruin the lighthearted atmosphere by getting them worried over him.

When they finally made to leave, he stood up too fast while trying to help May fold the picnic rug, and the world suddenly dissolved into pixels of blackness. Tony felt himself swaying on his feet, grasped for something to steady himself and only found Peter´s arm. He held onto it tightly while the ground tilted away from him and reality took too long to reassamble in front of his eyes.

When he could see halfway clearly again, he was on the ground, May and Peter hovering over him, their faces tainted with concern. So much for not getting them worried.

“Tony? Can you hear me?” May asked.

“Yeah, I can. I´m sorry, I´m alright”, he breathed while slowly sitting up, feeling shaky and stupid.

“Are you okay? What happened?” Peter asked, his voice high and shrill in Tony´s ears.

“I just, kind of, got dizzy for a moment.” He took the hand Peter offered to pull himself upright, trying to look like he didn´t need it, trying not to let vertigo bring him down again, and trying not to put too much weight on his bad knee.

“You didn´t sleep last night, did you?” the kid asked.

Tony´s silence was answer enough.

“Okay, we´ll get you home and then you rest, Tony.” May said with an authority in her voice Tony hadn´t noticed before. “Just get into the car, I´ll drive us back.”

“Hey, this is a very expensive model, dont break anyth- ” he was cut off with a glance that made him understand why Peter would sometimes be afraid of that woman. He briefly considered insisting that he should drive - it was is car, after all - but then deemed it not worth the argument. Also, he had to admit that he was probably not in the condition to walk a straight line right now, let alone operate a vehicle. He was seeing everything through a blurry haze, and things seemed to be moving at a lower speed than they usually did.

They drove in silence. Tony was too exhausted to come up with anything to say, and Peter, who was sitting at the back with him, was evidently unsure about how to behave. He kept on shooting him worried glances every few seconds until Tony had enough of it.

“Geez, kid, stop glaring. I´m not gonna pass out on you.” It came out harsher than intended. God, he was tired. And nauseous. He was starting to taste May´s homemade blueberry cake at the back of his mouth, and he desperately wished that they would make it back fast.

Peter just looked at him, a little sadness in his eyes. “That wasn´t what I was thinking about. It´s just...you need to start taking care of yourself, Mr Stark. You just keeled over and I, I-” he broke off, looking at May for help.

“Noone would have been angry if you had called the picnic off today, Tony.” she said quietly. “Of course we want to spend time with you, but we would have understood if you had taken the day off to rest.”

Tony knew they were right. But he also knew that the person they were talking about, a person who would cancel commitments just because he´d taken a few hits and hadn´t slept a while, was not and never could be Iron Man. So he didn´t reply, instead opting to lean his aching neck back against the headrest and close his eyes.

---

He woke up to his stomach turning over when May took a particularly narrow curve. “Shit”, he cursed under his breath. That was definitely not how the day was supposed to go. He fought down a gag, tasting bile at the back of his mouth.

“May, pull over, please - “ he urged, swallowing heavily. May took only a few seconds to bring the car to a hold at the side of the forest road. He scrambled through his brain for a viable excuse while unbolting his seat belt with shaky fingers, but he couldn´t find any. There was no time, anyways. He felt cold sweat breaking out over his brow while his stomach went into contraction.

He stumbled out of the car and limped a few meters into the forest as fast as he could, desperate to get out of eyesight, before he bent over and retched violently. He brought up undigested food he had eaten at the picnic, the smell of it making him even more nauseous. He heaved again, pain zig-zagging through his body, his worn out muscles protesting against the strain. His head was threatening to burst into pieces.

It took what felt like years for his stomach to empty itself, and Tony was trying to catch his breath when he heard Peter´s voice hesitantly calling out from behind him.

“Mr Stark, do you need help?”

“I´m good, kid” Tony croaked, his voice hoarse from retching. “Be right back, don´t come he-”

“Oh. Yikes.” Peter stepped out from behind a tree, cringing when he saw the mess on the ground.

“Told you not to come here.” Tony said weakly, wiping a shirt sleeve over his mouth and leaning heavily against a tree when vertigo made the world sway again.

“I´m okay, just, give me a minute.” he breathed, “and please don´t let May see me like this, seriously.”

“Ya, she´s not stupid. She sent me to check you´re not dead.” He took in Tony´s trembling form, frowning. “Not sure what to tell her, though.”

“I´m just....” he trailed of, unable to bring himself to lie to the kid again. “Fine, I´m not okay right now. But I will be, I promise.” He breathed in slowly. “Just took a bad beating yesterday, and I´m not good at losing. But it´s not the first time, and I´m gonna get over it. Just please don´t worry so much, Pete.”

Tony glanced over at him, trying for it not to look pleading. He was hurting everywhere, feeling like he might pass out or puke again any minute, couldn´t get that god-damn fight out of his head, and on top of it all, he had managed to get the kid genuinely upset over his lack of self-care. He had failed on all levels, and he just couldn´t handle all the emotions raining down on him right now. 

Peter seemed to look right through him for a minute.

“You want some water?” he offered finally, and Tony gratefully took the bottle to rinse his mouth. He allowed Peter to put a supporting arm around his shoulders while they slowly made their way back to the car.

“You know, Mr Stark,” Peter said when they had nearly reached the street where May was waiting, “I get it that you are upset about that battle. But... I saw the footage on TV. And if I just one day in my life put up a fight like you did yesterday, I´d be really proud of myself.”

And for the first time that day, Tony felt himself hiding not only his pain, but a genuine smile from Peter Parker.

[actualbird]

AGES AGO somebody sent me an ask about a star trek au and i cant find it anymore but i did try to outline a fic but i dont rlly have the time or motivation to make a full fic so heres what i did put down anyway

a bmc star trek au in bullet points

WELCOME TO THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE. let’s meet the crew!! captain chloe valentine. brash, bold, and hard headed with a heart of gold. got through the academy in three years and totally cheated on the kobayashi maru because she is better than no-win scenarios. her first officer, navigator, and longtime crush since the academy days (but you heard NOTHING, CAPICHE?) is brooke lohst, making sure they go through the stars in the right ways. 

we’ve got dreamy academy prodigy jake dillinger who served on another ship since he was seventeen, jesus, now on the enterprise as a skilled helmsman and the ship’s local heartthrob. count chief security officer rich goranski—somebody who swears he can take down four klingons with nothing but a tricorder and a piece of string—along with all the swooners. 

chief communications officer and xenolinguistic specialist jenna rolan can mediate diplomatic ties in ten languages but she can also start a barfight in over twenty. theres chief medical officer christine canigula who also happens to be one of the most odd (half) vulcans ever but people the crew never minds. not when christine is always the one saving their skin and stabbing them all with hyposprays.

then theres jeremy and michael. jeremy and michael who have been friends since childhood and always looked to the night sky. the both of them have always wanted to be out there, but jeremy always doubted. his dreams were too big for just the earth, but he never thought he’d be good enough to go up into space. 

(jeremy and michael who, at twelve, promise on a shooting star that theyll both at least try, and that theyll try together.)

(racking up the necessary grades and high performance for the academy is hell and their high school years are tense because of it, but they get accepted, and by that point, neither of them ever want to stop. it’s hard work and sleepless nights and days where they stumble back to their shared dorm room high and cursing space and space things before mumbling back and forth about how they want to be out there so badly. somewhere along the way, jeremy wonders when exactly looking at michael felt like looking at the stars. when exactly it started feeling like fear and desire and love all at the same time.)

(michael wonders back to the shooting star and wonders if looking at jeremy will ever feel like anything other than hope. than maybe. than what if. than i wish) 

michael ends up chief engineering officer and jeremy is chief science officer. theyre both incredibly good at their jobs and theyre both utter fucking dweebs. most of the crew is, really.

and then theyre all off on a three year exploration mission. three years among the stars.

//STAR TREK OPENING THEME PLAYS

most of the exciting drama happens off-ship which makes michael a little grumbly because he stays on ship 90% of the time that’s his job. and he loves his job. he loves the enterprise so much. many ensigns have seen michael talking to the engines in a soft, cooing voice while stroking the metal. michael knows the ship and the ship knows michael (and all of his mushy thoughts because “god, i’m really that person now, that person who monologs about being in love with his best friend to a hunk of MACHINERY…..sorry babe, i didnt mean that. i love you.”)

(jeremy has heard michael call the enterprise so many things. babe. baby. darling. love. the light of my life. jeremy never thought he could be jealous of a SHIP but here he fucking is.)

as CSO, jeremy goes with the ground crew a lot. jeremy loves his job so much. so many new planets and plants and things to study and understand. he usually has his comms on to talk to michael while on planet just to gush about everything. “the main source of liquid here is green, michael. then at night it turns red. what the hell!!!”

the planet in question with the weird liquid is a one on the outskirts of near empty space, a planet the federation has been trying to recruit for a while. strange planet. two moons. plants that glow electric blue sometimes. home to a generally advanced and eerily perfect and in sync civilization. jeremy suspects theyre telepaths (they act like theyre all connected), but none of the other telepaths in the crew can read them. it’s very odd

somewhere back on the enterprise, michael gets a sinking feeling in his gut

turns out the planet is alive and is controlling all lifeforms through a hivemind activated by ingesting a certain pill-like fruit along with the green water. ground crew gets their brains taken over and the usually on ship crew (michael, christine, brooke, jake) have to go down and save their friends. hell yea

aside from that odd movie-like barely main plot, imagine the shenanigans more on the series flavor!! getting stuck in part of the universe that traps them in a timeloop. weird virus that makes jake start fencing through the halls shirtless. brooke accidentally getting engaged to alien royalty while chloe resists the split second urge to shoot her phaser. christine not letting any red shirts die on her watch at all but wondering just why theyre so susceptible to injury. ykno, the usual.

also pining. in SPACE. michael and jeremy making time for each other in spite of their erratic shift times. jeremy walking in on michael monologing to the pipes about somebody he’s so in love with and jeremy walks away with a cold feeling in his gut. michael dragging a sleepless jeremy to his quarters after hours of trying and failing to understand a sample. michael lays jeremy in his bed only for jeremy to gently grab his wrist and say with a voice just on the edge of consciousness “stay? please?” 

michael thinks of shooting stars and blue eyes and settles next to jeremy, willing himself to sleep against the beats of his heart. 

[anxirinrin]

Awful things ive been told by X so i will never forget bc X sure did

TW: Some stuff are really awful like rape mention and slut shaming and might trigger some people i just needed somewhere to vent

-for my sister's birthday, x made some fries and cream sauce with mushroom (my favorite). I was hungry and everyone kept talking and talking so i snuck out to the kitchen and stole some fries with sauce to put in a sandwich. Turns out they forgot (like every adults) to go grocery shopping and basically i took too much sauce and there was no cream to make some more so i got screamed at bc i was fat and i ate too much and that i should lose all that weight bc otherwise i would get raped by all the boys in highschool with the huge ass i had :). Tbh i still to this day dont understand how did we run out of cream bc rn even tho idont have a car or a driving license i sure damn well go on shopping spree by walking. Unless it was on a sunday and they forgot. Anywaaay

-I actually thought that i was exaggerating that one time but she actually said it again (in front of my sister this time but she sure will never act like she was here) when i told her might not pass my 3rd year of mechanical engineering and that i will probably redo and she told me i better not bc she wants me to stop taking the subway as soon as possible and if i redo a year it will be one more year where ill need to take the subway and if i get raped in the subway it will be my own fault for failing a year and putting myself in danger for one unnecessary year.

-When i had a free semester (i failed my second year lets just say i was still pretty shaken by my dad's death) i wanted to take a job she didnt want me to but she wanted me to take care of the website of her shop. I said i didnt want to bc (she literally asked "would u like to do it???" So i said no) .. i didnt want to deal with her crusty ass annoying clients and running a fb page really isnt my thing so my older sister took care of it. However an order got lost bc it was made on a post in a fb group which deleted our post hence deleting the comments and the order with it. My sister didnt understand what waa going on and then tried to explain to mum and then my mum screamed at her that we basically were making fun of her and taking advantage of the fact she didnt know how to use technology (she is a fb addict she uses it more often in a week than i did for the past 7 years). Anyway my sister got mad cried in her car and while she wasnt here my mum screamed at me telling me everything was my fault bc i refuses to take care of her fb page and that my sister had better things in her life and at work than doing this and that one day something real bad was going to happen to my sister if she gets this upset one more time bc she is asthmatic (and get asthma crisis when she is upset) and that it would be my fault.

-also like a week after my dad died she made a personal mission to tell me daily that in the religious fb group she is someone told her that someone brutally/suddenly dying like my dad was a warning that happen when someone in the house doesnt pray (like me and my sister but somehow im the only one who got this kind of reminder).

-in the same time she like cornered me in the bathroom and she was really depresses after my dad died and i was too and she would end up crying on my shoulder telling me to get fit, study and pray (idk if that was supposed to be an encouragement but it sure was ill-timed 💀)

-when i was in middle school she was CONSTANTLY comparing me to 2 other girls bc they were thing and had good grades (not as good as mine but anyway) the thing that kills me is that both of these girls were bitchy (each in their own way) and she knew it first hand but still she would rather have a slim bitch (as a mean person) of daughter rather than a fat normal one.

-on top of that she would regularly hide the key of the kitchen so i would not eat between my meals which is not the bad thing in this point. She also would never allow me to wear knee-lenght dresses or short (i was allowed to shave anyway soo) for middle to high school all of this while bragging abt the miniskirt she used to wear when she was thirteen. When i talked abt it my sister she was like " but u know mum is not all that picky about clothes she would let u wear anything you want if u were not fat". Again thats not the worst thing yet. The worst thing is when YEARS later we talked abt how/in what way/when did each one of us put on weight and when it came to my turn she went like "no u u were not fat in school it all started when u entered uni" like what??? What????? U called me a cow when i was in middle school and when i hid to cry abt u ran after me and screamed "why are u crying? Just loose some weight!" hysterically and a of this but suddenly u turn around and act like u never thought i was fat????? "We have picture of you this age u were not fat" yeah exactly i wasnt but u don't get to say it bc it will erase all the shit u did. Suddenly i become the crazy one bc if i wasnt fat yet then there was no reason for you to do all of this so obviously i must be imagining things and lying 💀💀💀💀

[thewidowstanton]

Dangerous Steve, outdoor showman, comedy actor, Sideshow Illusions performer

Dangerous Steve is the stage name of Steve Collison, who was born in King’s Lynn but grew up near the Buckinghamshire village of Middle Claydon. He had the most extraordinary childhood and started living up to his name by doing dangerous things at a ridiculously young age. He was billed – by agents such as Bernard Woolley, TB Phillips and Temple’s Gala agency – as ‘the World’s Youngest Motorcycle Stunt Rider’. As well as touring internationally as Dangerous Steve, he has also worked with Magic Carpet Theatre – where he is company manager – for 30 years. And he regularly performs with Jon Marshall’s Sideshow Illusions and Dr Phantasma’s Amazing Ten in One Show.

Steve is married to fellow Sideshow Illusions performer Alexandra Collison, who was my first Widow interviewee, under her maiden name of Boanas. Alex, who is a trained soprano and has an MA in performance, often plays Yvette – the Headless Lady, Miss Elastina and No-Middle Myrtle, as well as Romana the Gypsy Queen on the Ladder of Swords. They have two children, Flossie and Winnie, who are almost destined to follow in their parents’ showbusiness footsteps. Steve chats to Liz Arratoon.

The Widow Stanton: When and how did you start stunt riding? Dangerous Steve: My dad, Peter, was the butler at Claydon House stately home in Buckinghamshire. At Christmas when I was five, Sharon, my sister, was getting lots of presents and I almost started getting a bit teary because I noticed I wasn’t getting as many. Then I was taken into the other room where there was a big present. Somewhere I’m on Cine film; there’s me unwrapping a motorbike, and apparently I just stood there shaking for ages, which was very funny. I started off just riding round the estate for a while but dad wasn’t very impressed with me just haring around on a motorbike, he wanted me to do tricks and stuff like that.

As a child, to be brought up at Claydon House… I was the only one on the estate as my sister went away to boarding school as a dancer. Sometimes I just wanted to kick a football around with my friends; on the other hand I did go around the estate thinking how lucky I was and how amazing the views over the lake were on summer evenings. We used to live in the courtyard. There was a swimming pool and stuff like that, which Sir Ralph and Lady Verney never really used, so I had my own little swimming pool. They were like my grandparents. I’d go round there on Christmas day and open presents with them.

I joined The Spirit of Britain junior motorcycle display team, which was run by a guy called Gus Scott, who used to train Eddie Kidd. I was with them from when I was five years old to seven. They were based in Luton and I toured around with them, but because I had so much space at home and they could only meet twice a week, I started practising all the tricks alone. My dad was thinking, ‘Well, he can now do all these tricks himself’, so he started taking me to do all the galas and carnivals around the country to perform on my own. Your dad sounds amazing. What sort of dad would give his kid a motorbike? Did he want to be in showbusiness himself? Yes, he did. He was very different. He managed to get an Equity card and had done some extra work and been in shows doing whatever he was asked to do. I think people are now quite interested in butlers and stately homes. My mum was very proud of me but would only watch me once I could do the tricks without falling off. I hurt myself but I never broke any bones with the motorbike. My dad was very good at starting off with quite basic things and was very strict on making sure I did things the right way. How much fun was all this for a kid? It was very exciting. I couldn’t sleep the week before a show. We’d go away in a big lorry and it was like a holiday, apart from I used to have to map-read. Some of these country fairs are in the middle of nowhere and one wrong turn, you could end up backing the lorry two miles down the road in the way of tractors… I soon got very good at map-reading because otherwise I’d get into so much trouble. I was doing tricks jumping over fire and through fire at seven or eight. Dad was very good at building props and made a tunnel of fire. Once we’d got the frame with all the fire straw in the middle of the park – we’d found a field without any sheep on it – I remember saying to him just before we lit it, ‘Dad, when we light the fire, what if I don’t want to do it?’, and he said: “You will do it. Now I’ve built it, you’ll do it.”

Once they were built, there was no going back and I’d practise and practise and practise. As I got older, people expected more from me, so the ability went up with my age; bigger jumps, bigger fire, pyrotechnics… because it was only me, whereas some of the bigger army display teams, like the White Helmets, would fill the stage. I had a load of publicity when I was awarded The Star newspaper Best in Britain award, presented by David Essex. I was sponsored by National, the petrol firm who used Smurfs to promote their brand. Sharon joined the act. Later she became a dancer and choreographer and now runs Claydons Academy, teaching dance and drama, but then she was a Smurf! Were you paid appearance fees? Yes. Once when I had a three-week tour in Scotland, the whole family came up there because it was in the summer holidays. We all stayed in a tent and it rained for most of the time. I can remember waking up one morning floating on an airbed. I didn’t realise until I put my foot outside the sleeping bag into a load of water that the whole family was floating! I’d get paid every week and we’d accumulated quite a bit of cash. The Leeds Building Society was doing deals at the gala that if you were a child you could open a bank account with £1 and you got a money box and a bag and stuff like that. Mum and dad decided the safest thing to do with the money was to go to open up an account. I was about eight. They were expecting me to give £1 and suddenly I had this wad of cash. They must have wondered where I’d got it from and just thought I’d stolen it or found it.

Did you ever go to school? I did. The school was very good and if ever there was a school fete or anything like that they’d always ask me to do my motorcycle stunt show. I was filmed on my motorbike for children’s TV with Anneka Rice, who once came to school. We had a mock school fete and she was lying down and I ended up jumping over her. What happened next? The motorbike act stopped when public liability insurance started getting really expensive. I was about 14. Then my dad and I toured the Crazy Brigade – a comedy fire brigade, very much Keystone Cops, very visual – round country shows and big galas. It was a comedy car act that drove on its own and fell apart, but it was more like a stunt comedy act. There was a lot of water! My dad built a human cannon and we thought, ‘Oh, we need an act for it’, especially when he’d taken a picture of it and sold it. We had ten shows booked in before we even had an act.

I used to worry; we had a prop, a comedy cannon, but no show. It blew up at the end and I went flying out of the end of it but not a great distance. I never got to the net on the other side of the arena. But we did it in the end and it was very successful. I knew Martin Burton of Zippos Circus from the galas and carnivals, rather than as a circus contact. When I was 15, in my last year at school, he kindly said I could do work experience on their theatre tour. Other people worked in the local bakery. I went to Wales and Carlisle and never went back to school.

What does Dangerous Steve actually do? It kind of depends where I’m booked to do it. If it’s in the middle of a town centre early on a Saturday morning with a few people walking past with shopping bags, the last thing they want to do is get stopped to watch a show by some nutter in the street. I try to make my show very entertaining and try to be likeable on stage. If it’s indoors and the audience is put there for me, it’s the same show but I have to work in a different way. I do ten things; I start on my motorcycle monowheel. It builds up a big crowd straightaway. I sit inside the wheel – the engine is inside it – and it’s a very difficult bike to balance and ride. I’ve spent the last three years learning how to do a new trick on it; a double loop the loop.

I then go on to my motorcycle sidecar, which I ride round, introduce myself, and then stand on top of the seat and juggle knives. Then I do some fire. With outdoor shows I try to make it really very appealing at the start to distract people from the funfair and the stalls by doing fire tricks and some big fireballs with fire whips and things like that…

Fire whips? Yes, they create a massive fireball. I go from there to the unsupported ladder, so I’m up high, talking to people telling them what they’re about to see, and if they don’t want to see it now’s the time to leave! I’m very proud of balancing on top of a ten-foot ladder. It’s scary, as I don’t like heights! Then I then do a giant rola-bola, so I’m on a tower, on top of a beer keg on its side and on top of a board, and then I go through a fire hoop. Then I juggle a chainsaw, and do my giant unicycle, which is bigger this year, a ten-foot unicycle, and then into a blindfold motorcycle stunt. I set two chainsaws going – possibly four this year – on a frame, and I ride round blindfolded and through the frame with a steel shield on my face and a hood over my head, which I get the audience to check. And, you know, hopefully I don’t cut my head off.

Has anything ever gone wrong? When I was learning, I broke my arm just before doing a show in a school hall. I thought, ‘That really hurt, I think I’ve damaged my arm’. In the first part of show I had to play the drums. Oh, my goodness, every time I hit the drums it was excruciating. 15 years later I finally learnt to do the trick I was trying when I broke my arm! I did a show in Scotland last year and before I went on, they announced that they were having a dog show and they’d put a big marquee in the corner of the arena, which made it quite narrow. I was driving my monowheel but I tipped over too far and the foot peg stuck into the ground and I went right over doing a somersault in the wheel, I flew out of it, got back on it, and carried on and the crowd loved it! [Laughs]

Then I got on my sidecar to juggle the knives and I went over a bump and one of the knives went into my face. I had blood running down my face. I looked at the organisers who were looking at me, like, ‘What have we booked, some cowboy?’, but actually, afterwards they loved it and they want me back. [Laughs] So it pays to hurt yourself sometimes.  

How did you learn all your other skills? Because I’ve been involved in so many shows over the years, I kind of picked up all these skills individually. It was a bit of watching others and trial and error. My show is very different to anyone else’s on the outdoor circuit. I don’t know anyone else who does some of the tricks, but I’ve seen someone else doing others and I’ve thought, ‘Oh, that would be perfect for my show’.

Do you have a natural ability to pick things up? Probably not. It’s practice, and a lot of the things I’ve learnt to do, I was a teenager. If you’re a teenager you don’t mind falling off so much. It doesn’t hurt so much. I must admit some of the time now, when I’m trying new stuff out, I do think, ‘Am I a bit old for this?’.

I believe there’s one motorbike stunt that I’ve done that you haven’t… [Laughs] Yes, yes. The Wall of Death! It’s a dream and an ambition one day to do it.

It was horrific but you would love it! I’m going to contact Jake Messham and try to arrange it. I should do it September because it’s always a little bit dangerous trying new tricks out just before you get really busy for the summer season.

And the Globe of Death, do you fancy that? I would love to try. I’d try anything really.

How do you divide your time? We’re trying to stay busy all year round and it is really busy. The summer is now crazy with Dangerous Steve, so every weekend and Bank Holiday and there seem to be a lot of agricultural shows in the week as well. Last August I went from Orkney to Guernsey, doing shows on the way down as well. Summer season now… outdoor shows seem to be really good, really healthy and a full season of shows, like the olden days, really. When that quietens off in September, we go into Magic Carpet theatre shows and December, we’re sold out in schools performing a theatre show.

How did you come to join Magic Carpet so young? After Zippos the school let me go off on more work experience with Jon Marshall, who I’d worked with in the galas and carnivals when he was The Man with the X-ray Eyes. Magic Carpet is his children’s theatre company that tours schools, art centres and theatres up and down the country and occasionally we get to go abroad. The shows are very visual, good fun and exciting. It’s a comedy play. We don’t have any big message; it’s just a great way to introduce children to live theatre. They laugh all the way through and if they haven’t seen much before, they come out absolutely buzzing. Jon is very good at making it exciting and understandable. It’s a bit of a rollercoaster with highs, but we also bring them down again. We know when the dangerous bits are coming up where the kids might shout out, but no one needs to be on edge as we’ve got them under control.

Do you feel you sort of owe your career to your dad, really? Yes, very much so, dad and Jon. All through my childhood I had so much respect for my dad and so much help, hours and hours of dragging me round the country, which I enjoyed. I enjoyed where I lived at the stately home, and also the travelling around at the same time. He would be working after I’d gone to bed out in the workshop, building props for me and I’d be practising with them after school the next day, probably falling off, breaking it, and he’d be back in the workshop again mending it and telling me not to fall off again.

Do you think your experience could happen to a child these days because of health and safety… It would be very difficult. Even now with Flossie, if she falls over, the first thing that goes through your mind when she goes to pre-school, they’re going to see a bruise and it’s going to have to go in a report and they ask how it happened. They also ask the child as well to see if the stories match, whereas when I was a child and did The Spirit of Britain, I remember we were doing some practising and I set off the wrong way round the arena, ending up colliding with another bike, fell off, the foot peg went into my foot, I ended up in hospital, and then a couple of days later it was all forgotten. I wouldn’t want Flossie to hurt herself and there are ways of learning tricks with protection, but I wouldn’t put her off doing what I did. I try not to be too pushy with her because I think slow and steady will win the race.

Not like yer dad then? [Laughs] [Laughs] To be honest she’s only four, a little bit younger than I was when I started. But she is very keen on running onstage at the end of the show and she likes to go in the blade box, with blades in it. I’ve got a motorbike and sidecar and last year in Poynton, near Manchester, she sat on the sidecar.

Did you ever imagine that this would be your life? No, but later on in school everyone was talking about what they were going to do as a career, and I did think, ‘What the hell am I going to do?’. Then I thought, ‘Well, actually, I quite like what I do now. At the age of 15 I’ve already got quite a few years’ experience behind me. I’ve learnt how to do things and how not to do things’. So it would have been a waste not to carry on, and I’m so glad I stuck at it. When you’re a teenager sometimes the grass is always greener on the other side. When I was getting towards 19, some of my mates were earning quite good money doing other things, and I was thinking, ‘Oh, should I change what I do?’, but obviously I’m so glad I didn’t. I love it more now than ever.

Dangerous Steve will be appearing at Kimpton in Hertfordshire on 4 May, 2019 at the start of his summer season. Check his website for details.

Picture credit: Ian Spooner

Steve’s website

Twitter: @DangerousSteve1 @sideshowmagic

Follow @TheWidowStanton on Twitter

[scarletrebel]

more destiny oc stuff: avias past and yr 1 destiny timeline

totally inspired by @mrpinstripesuit‘s post last night, also featuring their guardians, also @nattiebug14 and @lostinthehaywoods oc’s carver and cornelia

(im making a lot of assumptions on how grier and avia met btw pin so if theres anything you disagree with or wanna change thats cool!!)

- petra and avia become part of the queens guard - uldren takes an interest in avia, potential for her to become a crow, which she really, really doesnt want - reef wars, petras sister dies, avia begins to question the awoken, why this happened 

- petra grieves, avia is alone for the longest time and becomes frustrated, wondering what they're even fighting for - petra is promoted to the corsairs and avia has mixed feelings. petra needs the direction but avia doesnt think a promotion will fix anything, also if avia was a corsair uldren would Leave Her Alone.  - tries to convince petra that everything is bullshit but petra just hears jealousy and treason - uldren pulls her up on it, and that's when she knows she needs to Leave - steals a harbinger at the first opportunity she gets - gets out of the reef and into our solar system before the other harbingers find her - it's a long ass fight, avia is able to evade them for the longest time until they shoot her engines out somewhere around the moon - she dies. the harbingers leave. a ghost is born, shakes its shell, and starts searching. - the remnants of her ship, with her nestled in the cockpit, break orbit of earth and crash land in the cosmodrome - she's revived with her memory in tact and her heart broken to pieces - she rejects her ghost and the light at first but her ghost is persistent and she gives in and follows him through the cosmodrome to find a ship - they make it to the tower and she's so fucking scared. the awoken do not speak highly of the guardians. - but her ghost leads her gently to cayde and he welcomes her jovially. doesn't much care for her past (only because he doesn't expect her to know it) - going through the D1 story is what gives her the direction she needed and begins to ground her, making her realise she can be a better person than she ever was at the reef - afterwards she admits to cayde that she remembers everything, after figuring out that it's not a Thing amongst guardians because she's Confused. he's supportive and passes her onto Ikora - huge mistake - she loves Ikora - cayde is kind of sad about it (jk) - Ikora tells her about the thananotauts and at the concept avia kind of puts her nose up to. it sound stupid and weird to her and refuses to explore it, like ‘oh hey actually I don't care that much I'll just keep being a guardian who has my memory as a bonus yay’ - avia kind of wanders around for a bit, patrolling and running strikes with guardians she never keeps in touch with. this is where she learns that she really, really doesnt get along with a lot of other hunters.

- petra comes to the tower as the queens emissary. avia doesnt recognise her at first but petra recognises her and its

- its not a good time for avia. petra tries to speak to her but avia bails all the way to venus and has a good old fashioned breakdown

- ikora calls her back and puts her on a mission to find tolands scattered journals. she fears the worst ones may still be out there and she doesnt want any wayward guardians finding them and abusing what power may lie within

- little does avia know she has another warlock, scarlet-2, searching for them as well. 

- this is how scarlet and avia meet, with avia acting like a cat who caught their own reflection whenever scarlet is around 

- scarlet doesnt much care even though this pint sized hunter constantly trying to one up her is. amusing. 

- petra tries to approach avia again when shes in the tower with scarlet and the warlock very gently diffuses the situation, and has figured out by now that avia likes to Run Away and so she takes them to the cosmdrome 

- avia doesnt give a lot of details, but basically explains the situation to scarlet and mentions that ikora wanted her to talk to the thananotauts and scarlets like ‘ew. you dont need to talk to them. they’re weird and desperate for answers youre fine the way you are.’ 

- and a friendship is born 

- petra venj leaves the tower. 

- a fireteam takes on the vault of glass, and avia is only slightly disappointed she wasnt there

- avia spends a lot of time with scarlet and by extension lots of other warlocks too. she becomes a running joke to the vanguard mentors that she chose the wrong class. 

- so scarlet and eden met after twilight gap, they both helped build the wall and they became really close buddies. scarlet tells eden that she may have finally found a hunter for their fireteam and eden is so. excited. 

- eris morn returns from the moon, and avia sees this funny little warlock awoken talking with her all. the damn. time. 

- eden and avia meet, and avia is overwhelmed. she thinks that eden must be a new guardian and doesnt care to ask anything about her and wonders how the hell her and scarlet of all people are so close

- she doesnt really give the friendship a chance (although eden is patient and knows avias type all too well) until zavala asks eden to do routine sweeps of earth and the moon to make sure these blades of crota are kept at bay

- of course, eden drags avia along with her and it takes a wayward mention of building the wall for avia to get off her damn high horse and start taking eden seriously 

- they dont really take part in the dark below campaign, just keep on top of the rise in hive activity whilst scarlet talks to ikora and eris and studies the hive at the tower, in the middle of one of her ‘not leaving the tower’ phases that eden tells avia about

- which causes avia to a) worry about scarlet and b) begin to realise shes starting to care for people 

- emotions are weird you guys 

- avia starts to ask eden about the wall, twilight gap, everything that came before she got to the tower. eden answers all her questions with a raw truthfulness, although she doesnt know the specifics and laughs that scarlet would be better to go to for the history of the guardians and such, but avia is just fine with what eden tells her 

- and avia tells eden about her past, about dying but still remembering everything and petra. eden is very chill and happy for avia that shes somewhere better now, that shes trying to be better. 

- yay now avia has TWO whole friends. they become an official fireteam and eden is far too excited about it. 

- avia starts seeing that funny little awoken warlock less and less, and asks scarlet about him. she knows hes gone missing but kind of shrugs it off as a thing that warlocks do. avia says if scarlet ever does that avia will Hunt Her Down. scarlet just laughs.

- (she says this in earshot of ikora) 

- crota is killed. again, avia wanted to be there. she needs more friends

- avia basically sticks like glue to scarlet and eden, kind of refusing to run strikes and missions with any other guardians which is a problem

- avia meets carver and cornelia through eden and scarlet but is still really prickly. her fireteam are at their wits end. 

- ikora straight up forces avia on a mission with another warlock, and of course its the funny one who went missing a while back 

- she sees something in ikoras eyes when they meet for the first time but knows better than to question it 

- this. kid. is. a. handful. 

- their mission is something hive related, a big risk on ikoras part but avia guides them through safely. 

- ‘ooh a hive thing!’ ‘do we need to know about the hive thing?’ ‘no, but I-’ ‘then lets move on grier.’ ‘but-’ ‘now.’

- ‘youre mean, avia.’ ‘im also keeping us alive.’ ‘you dont have to be mean about it.’ 

- ‘fine, i will stop being mean if you start doing what i tell you to. deal?’ 

- idk i kind of imagine grier latching onto avia for reasons that i cant explain bc grier isnt my character but hes basically exactly what avia needs at this point in her life, a funny little warlock who gets under her skin. 

- she massively underestimates him, reminding her of what she did with eden so she loosens up and gives him a chance. 

- they run more missions and strikes together. she asks questions about his gun, his attire, why he likes the hive so damn much.  

- he tells her about toland and the hive, and the weapons of sorrow whilst explaining bad juju. she makes a mental note to keep an eye on him whenever he uses it (and somewhere ikora smiles gently to herself. it scares cayde.) 

- she tells him about the journals she found in the wild and he just :oooooooo asks a lot of questions about where and what was in them and what that could infer

- ‘wait avia, i thought you didnt care about hive stuff?’ ‘what? no, i just... dont like getting off track during missions.’ ‘oh. then does that mean you also actually like me and arent mean to me cause you dont?’ 

- she begins to find him quite endearing. 

- he gets them out of a lot of jams during missions just from his practical know-how and shes impressed too. 

- also asks a lot of questions about his sunsinger abilities and esp reviving himself. shes only ever seen scarlet be a voidwalker so sunsinger amazes her endlessly. she sees grier as a lot more powerful than he sees himself, and again, its totally endearing to her. 

- he introduces her to rook and eve. avia steers clear of rook at first, even though she finds him handsome straight off the bat.

- they play a few iron banner matches together, a mixture of griers fireteam, hers and carver and cornelia. avia starts to develop a crush after realising how laid back and relaxed rook is.

- also how freaking good at crucible he is. 

- he’s really easy to be around, she can be herself around him, around another hunter which is something she never thought she’d have. i imagine that means they talk about their class a lot seeing as avia never really did that with anyone else, or really cayde for that matter. it helps to get an insight into what being a hunter is all about from a guy who doesnt take it so seriously. 

- the flirting starts, playful and nothing serious and we allllllll knowwwww where that leads to

- then the wolves revolt. 

- before the tower even find out, she receives a message from petra, apologising. asking her questions about being a guardian, how she is. avia ignores it, the first of many. 

- she Refuses to get involved. 

- not even scarlet and eden can convince her. or ikora. or cayde. 

- but grier comes back from the reef one day and looks really dejected and hurt and avia is just. who hurt you. what happened. and he explains that none of the awoken at the reef like him??? he thinks a couple of them looked at him weird he couldnt tell it was all confusing and avia kind of sighs and. explains some things. 

- she tells him that she used to be Awoken and that she knew petra and basically tells him everything about her past whilst explaining that the Awoken have a very high opinion of themselves  - they go back to the reef together, but she still doesnt want to get involved in the uprising. 

- she goes and patches things tentatively with petra another day. its a case of avia explaining how she became a guardian and petra explaining why she was forced to become an emissary after accidentally killing a team of guardians. its an amicable, but strained relationship. they basically realise that they were never friends, just competitors. theyre both happier where they are now.

- avia grows closer to grier to the point where they’re inseparable, she flirts with rook, runs missions and strikes with her fireteam and really starts to come into her own as a guardian 

- she runs a lot of prison of elders with cornelia and carver and grows closer to them too, eventually apologising for being a little standoffish when they first met

- now avia has SO MANY FRIENDS and gets really emotional whenever she thinks about it 

and then taken king and rise of iron happen and they deserve posts of themselves tbh but!!! avias D1 experience!!! i love this kid so much

[genderbinaryisforlosers]

So do you have a full list of all the podcasts you listen to somewhere? I'm looking to start some and was hoping for some recommendations, if it's not too much trouble

sure! theyre ranked in my personal preference order, but not even those are set, so you dont have to start with #1. all of these are fantastic! (under the cut because i have A Lot to say)

The Penumbra!!!! i recommend The Penumbra 1000 times over!!! it is my one true love of podcasts. you gotta listen to it. The Penumbra is a hotel in limbo that connects to everywhere and everywhen! it’s a collection of queer, diverse stories, the central one being about Juno Steel, Private Eye, who is a detective on Mars and a complete disaster that needs a break and some cuddles from Peter Nureyev, the thief that stole his keys and his heart. it’s an epic queer space noir! and get this: Juno is NB!!! there are also other stories like marginalised knights (physically disabled main!!), a sapphic western, and some horror shorts. my absolute fave podcast!!

Wolf 359! Communications Officer Eiffel is 8 light years away from Earth and bored out of his mind. he and his crew (Commander Minkowski, Doctor Hilbert, and HERA the autopilot) have fun and not-so-fun adventures on the USS Hephaestus (including but not limited to, mind-controlling plant monsters, mandatory talent shows, and the most infuriating set of mysteries you will ever hear). the show may or may not involve aliens, corporate conspiracies, and enough feels to actually fuel a rocket ship.

EOS 10! set around an infirmary on a space station (can you tell i like space podcasts?), Dr Urvidian is a recovering alcoholic with the social skills of a brick, Dr Dalias is trying his best, goddamn it, and Nurse Johns is done with everyone’s shit and is probably going to start a cult at some point. there’s also a hypochondriac alien prince named Levi who cant keep his pants on, a falsely accused intergalactic terrorist in the cargo bay who is head over heels for Dr Dalias, and the Interface who gains sentience and immediately tries to murder everyone. relatable.

Welcome to Night Vale! probably the biggest podcast out there, and it’s absolutely fantastic. Night Vale is a little surrealist town in the middle of nowhere where strange things are ordinary, and the main narrator is Cecil, the enigmatic and omniscient radio host who definitely does not go on long-winded tangents about the cute scientist he has a crush on. it’s ingenious and entertaining, guaranteed to make you laugh, cry, pull a repulsed face, and have an existential crisis.

The Bright Sessions! therapy for the strange and unusual. Sam’s panic attacks send her back in time, high school drama is even worse for Caleb because he has empathetic sense powers, Chloe can read minds and answers your question before you’ve even asked it, and Doctor Bright is definitely up to some shady shit. there’s more, but, spoilers. this show has a habit of dropping plot bombshells at the ends of episodes.

Freed! it’s a show about a little post-apocalyptic town with a population of 1. Raimi is determined to fix up Freed and encourage more people to join her, and she is a tiny optimistic ball of sunshine (also a pan ace woc!!). later she meets Ezra, who is a smol nonbinary bean who has never done anything wrong in their life, ever. it’s a very sweet podcast about working together to rebuild society.

The Orbiting Human Circus (of the Air)! the newest Night Vale Presents podcast, it focuses on the janitor for the Orbiting Human Circus which inexplicably flies around the Eiffel Tower and broadcasts an extraordinary show every night. Julian the Janitor’s dream is to be on the stage, but unfortunately he has the worst luck and clumsiness of any human being on the planet.

Ars Paradoxica! this one is about an ace scientist, Sally Grissom, who accidentally invents time travel and gets stuck in the 1940s. there’s time travel shenanigans, conspiracies, a whole lot of confusion and a really excellent amount of diversity. this one’s good if you like puzzles and codes, but it’s not a must

Alice Isn’t Dead! more of a horror-gothic vibe than the others, but i love it. this is by the same guys that make Welcome to Night Vale! it’s about a woman undertaking a deadly and mysterious roadtrip to find her missing wife. definitely recommended!

Within the Wires! this is the third Night Vale Presents, and it’s not for everyone, but i really enjoy it. the first season takes the form of a set of personalised relaxation tapes for a prisoner inside the Institute, but that’s actually just a disguise for the Epic Jailbreak Plan that this mysterious voice has for the listener. its fake-relaxing but it genuinely sends me into a half-asleep daze, i usually have to listen to the episodes more than once before i actually understand what theyre about (except in the case of eps 7-10, which are slightly different and Not Relaxing At All)

Limetown! not usually my thing, but i loved it. it’s a science-fiction mystery-horror drama, in which Lia Haddock investigates Limetown, a community of scientists, which one day fourteen years ago completely vanished. it’s terrifying, and thrilling, and very surprising. the sound engineering is absolutely stunning

if you need advice on trigger/content warnings for any of these, let me know, i’ll be happy to give you any information i can!

[wgfjmj758-blog]

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