#also discovery never gives us a proper idea of who does what on this ship so this is a mix of what we see them do

[thisiseditsandstuff]

mirror universe crews ➞ ISS Discovery

[justletmeplayminecraft]

so @martuzzio‘s space outlaws au gave me another idea for a fic. this is the result. zedaph’s sheep part being afraid of ren which somehow turned into a wider exploration of zed being new to the ship & a not-quite human disaster! is it wider au compliant? who knows! but i had fun writing it. hope you have fun reading. 

featuring: it’s harder than expected adapting to being on the same ship as a werewolf when you are, in fact, part sheep. also with copious team zit bullying friendship, stress being stress, and self discovery.

It's only been two weeks on the Hermit Craft when Zedaph realises he has a problem. He meets Ren in the corridor by complete accident. One of the few times he leaves Tango or Impulse's side, and he gets lost. The ship is bigger than anything he's been on before but he doesn't want the embarrassment of asking for help over the communicators. He probably wanders for around an hour before Ren finds him. Ren with his ears and his teeth- oh they're pretty sharp aren't they?

"Hey, Zedaph, right?" Ren holds a hand out. His smile is friendly, but the dark eyes make Zedaph swallow. He puts on a similar smile, reaching out to shake Ren's hand.

"Um, yeah," he replies, "And you're Ren?" He says like he isn't innately aware of the werewolf on the ship.

"That's me!" Ren's ears twitch. "Tango sent me to find you. Thought you might've gotten lost." Zedaph laughs, reaching to rub the back of his neck. He looks down the corridor that looks the same as every other one he's been down today.

"Um, a bit," he admits. He keeps Ren in his vision, shifting his weight from foot to foot. If Ren notices his anxiety (Zedaph's not sure how he couldn't), he doesn't comment on it.

"Good job I've got the super senses to find you!" Ren stands up straight, looking proud of himself as if he didn't just deliver one of the most terrifying things Zed's heard. "I'll take you back to Tango."

Zedaph nods, "I'd appreciate that." As he follows behind Ren, he decides he's going to rip Tango a new one. Well and truly.

-

See, the thing is: Zedaph isn't human. Not completely. Maybe 85% human if he threw an estimate out there. He doesn't hide this on purpose. In fact, he announces it right there when he introduces himself. Hi, my name's Zedaph, and I'm part sheep! But he doesn't make an effort to correct people when they assume it's a joke. That part is a little more on him. Compared to the other non-humans on board, he's pretty tame. The hair is easy to pass off with a bit of effort. His face is... his face. It's no surprise that the other Hermits assume he's human, nothing more.

It's not a problem, except for Ren.

It's not Ren's fault, of course. Ren's a perfectly nice guy! Probably! He's got a friendly demeanour, often bouncing around the Hermits with bright enthusiasm. Zed even has a list of evidence why Ren is perfectly nice, including: Xisuma lets him on the ship, Tango and Impulse like him, Jellie likes him too! None of these things change the undeniable problem, however, that Ren is a werewolf. Ren is a werewolf and Zedaph is very much part sheep! It is everything Zedaph has been taught to avoid. Now he's living on a ship with it. He's not prepared.

-

"You sent Ren to get me!" Zedaph whines, pacing the edges of the engine room. Tango twists to look at him.

"Well, he was going to find you fastest. Unless you wanted me to bother Xisuma." Zedaph groans, throwing his arms out.

"I felt like I was going to faint!" He protests, flinging his hand in Tango's direction like it in any way proves his point. Tango turns to face him, crossing his arms.

"Ren's perfectly fine. He's probably one of the least intimidating Hermits." Zedaph shuts his eyes, breathing in deeply.

"I get that. I very much get that. But look at me, Tango."

Tango tilts his head, "I'm looking." Zedaph gives him an unimpressed glare.

"I'm part sheep! He's a werewolf!"

"Ah." Tango's face softens, his tone turning genuine. "This is really bothering you, isn't it?"

"Yes!" Zedaph gathers the strands of hair that have fallen into his face. He twists them back into the rest. "I can't just avoid him forever!" Tango hums, tapping his foot.

"I'm sure we can figure something out," he says, sounding far calmer than Zed feels.

"We're going to have to." He needs to get over himself. He only just got here, he can't go disrupting things and getting kicked out. No, he's not losing Tango and Impulse again so soon. No way. "When does he next transform, anyway?" Tango squints his eyes to think.

"I'm not sure," he admits, "a week or two? He had one a few days before you arrived." Thankfully, Zedaph's world ending sigh remains internal. How is he supposed to cope with a transformed werewolf on the ship? He drags his hands down his face.

"Tango, I'm going to die." Tango rolls his eyes. Zedaph ducks the wrench that is thrown at him.

"We only just got you back! We're not losing you again because you're afraid of a lovable, fluffy were-Ren."

Zed feels some of the pressure leave his chest as the tone lightens. "Now you're bullying me. Impulse wouldn't bully me."

"Once you get over this fear," Tango tells him, "We're both going to bully you."

"Oh! You come here where I can fight you!"

"What, you can't handle this heat?"

"Get over here!"

-

The topic comes back up again in the evening. Impulse is in the middle of complaining that Zedaph needs his own clothes. He's started doing that this last week. Zedaph agrees. He does want his own wardrobe - two somewhat tattered robes and his precious shawl are nowhere near enough - but he wants to annoy Impulse even more. It's only Impulse's clothes he steals. Tango's are all too well fitted, hold too much heat, or are literally on fire. Never mind how hot his room is.

"I don't mind it," Impulse amends, despite the evidence contrary, "But those are literally singed. I can't wear them." Okay, maybe he should’ve been more careful in the engine room.

"It's Tango's fault!" He interjects. "He provoked me!"

"We'll find a way to repair them-" Tango waves him off, "-Get Zed some clothes whilst we do." Zedaph rolls onto his back, sticking his feet on Impulse's lap.

"I want to look cute," he decides. Impulse pats his feet, rolling his eyes.

"We still need to get you a proper suit." Zedaph looks at Tango, dressed in his. He smiles to himself, settling down again and getting comfortable. His own suit, with all the labels. He'd be a proper Hermit then. They want him to be one.

"We'll get there," Tango drops into the armchair, kicking his legs over the arm. "But, you want to know what tasty news I learnt today?" Zedaph pokes his head up to glare at him.

"Don't you-"

"Zedaph here is afraid of Ren!" Zedaph groans. Impulse frowns, allowing Tango to steal the bowl of popcorn from his lap.

"Ren? Why's that?" Zedaph sighs, closing his eyes.

"He's a werewolf and I'm like, part sheep. Very distantly, yes, but I just- it's hard! I know he's probably a nice person-"

"He is. He's a nice person."

"He is a nice person, but I feel nervous around him. He's got those eyes and the ears and the teeth."

"Okay. And that makes you nervous?" Impulse sounds genuinely concerned. Zedaph opens his eyes to see his sympathetic expression.

"I guess? I feel kind of stupid about it. I mean, I'm okay with Tango and he's literally on fire."

"Hell yeah I am," Tango murmurs, shoving popcorn into his mouth.

"We can figure things out," Impulse reassures him. "Explain the situation, give you some space whilst you get used to him." Zedaph hums, his eyes slipping shut again.

"I don't want to be afraid of him," he admits. He pulls the pillow behind him into his arms, pressing it against his chest. "I don't wanna upset him and get kicked out." He hears a sharp inhale.

"You're not going to be kicked anywhere," Impulse tells him, voice confident. "We won't let you."

"Besides, you think we get along all the time?" Tango adds. "We have fights and whatever. But we're adults. We figure that out."

"You'll be fine, Zed. We've gotten over bigger hurdles." Zedaph rolls onto his side, letting the words wash over him like a blanket.

"Yeah-" He yawns "-I don't think I'm gonna stay awake for movie night." Impulse rubs his leg.

"You get some sleep, buddy. We'll be right here."

"Yep. Can't get rid of us that easily."

"I'd hope not," Zedaph replies. This can wait until the morning.

-

Just because it can wait doesn't mean anything changes. Zedaph finds himself growing more anxious when he learns about Ren's calendar marked Transformation Day. He stops looking at the calendars altogether. He's sworn Tango and Impulse to secrecy for now. Out of embarrassment, more than anything. This is a uniquely him problem, after all. The other two can't solve it for him.

They do help, though. He thinks they're having fun with it, telling him where Ren is in the ship, eating meals with him, acting as a buffer when needed. It can't last forever, though. Zedaph thinks the others are noticing them always skirting out of rooms if Ren is there. Or sitting all the way on the other side. Just... It's going to raise questions eventually.

And, eventually, he's going to get caught out.

As much as the three stick together (they have a lot of time to make up for) Zedaph ends up on his own occasionally. He's trying to reach out to the other Hermits. He can't live on this ship and not know anyone. So it's only natural, that whilst he's on his own, Ren approaches him. It's a near thing, but Zedaph's relieved he doesn't faint after turning to him.

"Hey, um, Zedaph?" Ren's shoulders are dipped, his hands twisting together in front of him. Zedaph stumbles back a step, waving before slamming his hand by his side.

"Ren! Hello!" He shuffles his hands before clutching them together to hide any shaking. "Can I help you?" Ren shakes his head, his ears strangely flat.

"No, I just- Have I done anything to upset you, man?" Zedaph presses his lips together, trying to put together his phrasing.

"No, no, you're absolutely fine. Nothing's wrong with you." He digs his fingers into his hand, resisting the urge to wave them around like an absolute fool. "I'm the problem. Oh now it sounds like we're breaking up. No- just- I'm the problem. Not you. You're fine. Lovely, even."

"Oh." Ren smiles, a hint of canines showing behind his lips. Zed feels his stomach drop.

"That being said I, uh, really need to be somewhere I'm really sorry I need to go-" Ren's eyes widen and he steps back.

"Oh, that's fine, yeah-" Zedaph glances down the hallway, backing away from Ren.

"That's great, I'll, um, see you around some time!" He continues quickly down the corridor, not turning away from Ren until he rounds the corner.

So, yeah. That could've gone better.

-

"You've been upsetting Ren." Zedaph startles at the appearance of Stress in front of him. Her arms are crossed tight across her chest and hair shadows her eyes. He winces.

"I have?" His voice squeaks and he can feel heat rising to his cheeks.

"Yes." Her expression betrays nothing. "You've been avoiding him and I want to know why." Zedaph's mouth hangs open, searching for words.

"I'm part sheep."

She blinks, "You what?" The confusion is far preferable to that glare.

"Well, like, not technically a sheep? It's a species that's distantly related to a sheep. It's kind of complicated and involves a history of gene splicing and experimentation. But I'm not entirely human and being around Ren makes me nervous."

"Okay." Stress puts her hand on Zedaph's arm, pulling him into the med-bay.

"Wha- Stress?" She sits him on one of the beds, pulling up a chair and opening a file. Zedaph tries to peer around and read the reversed text. "Is that my record?" She gives no suggestion she heard him.

"Alright." She looks up at him, hand poised to type. "You're going to explain all that to me properly."

"All what?"

"Your species, dummy!" She rolls her eyes with a flair of dramatic. "I'm pretty much your doctor! I gotta know what I'm treating."

"Oh." That makes more sense.

"Yeah, oh! Medically negligent you are. We'll come back to the Ren issue, this is more important."

"I'm not planning to get injured anytime soon." She laughs, high and carefree, shaking her head.

"You've been on this ship for like a month!" She replies. Her entire demeanour has changed with her smile. Her shoulders have dropped, legs kicking as she types. Her accent is stronger too. "Everyone's a danger magnet. So come on. Give me the deets."

It's easy to talk to Stress once he gets past the Ren issue. He's not talked to any of the Hermits about his family yet. Stress listens, noting things down and saying she'll do more research on any differences she needs to know. When she asks to touch his hair, he agrees and enjoys the delighted look on her face as she plays with it. It leaves them in a much better place to talk about Ren when she next brings it up.

"So," she says, in that tone where you know something bad will follow it. "Ren being a werewolf makes you nervous."

"Yeah." He leans back on the bed. "It's not his fault. It's just my prey instinct. I don't know how to get over it." Stress hums, drumming her hands against her thighs.

"What about exposure therapy?"

"Exposure therapy?"

"You know, where you like, do stuff with the thing that scares you-"

Zedaph holds his hands up, "No, no, no. I know what it is." He shoves his hands between his legs. "Last time I spoke to Ren I saw his teeth and had to flee."

Stress frowns, "Yeah, he may've mentioned that." Zedaph feels all his dignity draining away. "We can figure this out though. I know he transforms in-" She holds the word as she checks her calendar, "Four days now. He wouldn't want to spook you accidentally. Not more than he already has. He thinks he's done something awful to you without realising."

"No! Of course not."

"Exactly. I mean, look." She slides her phone into her hand. "Maybe I can show you pictures of him? That might help." Zedaph sighs, offering a tired nod.

"We've not got any better ideas." He leans across as Stress adjusts herself so he can see the pictures. She shuffles as she flicks through them faster than Zedaph can take them in. She backtracks a few.

"Okay, here we go!" Zedaph looks at the picture, of the ball of fluff taking up half of the picture. For a werewolf he is... Remarkably fluffy looking. He can just about make out a face in the darkness, eyes shut and a tongue sticking out.

"That's Ren?" Zedaph asks, glancing to her. She nods and flicks through a couple.

"He's a bit loud, but he's a right softie, really." She plays a video of Ren chasing after a ball, tail wagging. Zedaph raises a hand to hide his smile. "He doesn't know I have these, don't tell him."

"Is he always this... Dog like?" Zedaph asks, leaning onto his hands.

Stress nods, "He is! A proper cutie." She flicks to the next one, Ren smiling wide. Zedaph cringes away, pulling his arms up for protection. She looks at him, rubbing his arm encouragingly. "It's okay! It's only a picture." Zedaph bounces, breathing slowly until he gets the courage to look again. Ren's not in a scary pose. Still a massive fluffball, lying on his back. Zedaph still finds it hard to breathe if he focuses on those teeth.

"He's... He's cute looking?" Zedaph can't even force himself to sound sure. Stress laughs, bumping his shoulder.

"We can work on it! We'll get you warmed up to him."

"Yeah. Yeah, I think that would be nice."

-

"You managed to eat with him in the same room." Impulse sounds so proud for such a simple statement. Both him and Tango have been busy today, so Zedaph ended up spending it with Stress, acting as an assistant when Hermits came through the med-bay. It was interesting. He still needs to find a role on this ship. Somewhere where he fits. He can't be Impulse and Tango's shadow forever.

"Yeah," he replies, feeling a bit proud of himself too. Sure Ren was on the other side of the room, but he still sat there! He only got a little nervous when Ren laughed!

"See, we told you it would get better." Tango is leaning on the wall outside his room. It's nice having this moment before they part ways for the night. Or at least, when they’ve decided to sleep.

"It's a start," Zedaph corrects. He has work to do until he's completely comfortable with Ren. He doesn't want to cause problems with the already stressful transformation.

"Look at you." Impulse rubs Zedaph's hair, pressing it against his head. "Being grown up and stuff."

"I've been grown up for awhile," Zedaph reminds him. "And I still act older than Tango."

"Hey."

"That's not hard."

"Hey." Zedaph laughs, resting his hands on his hips. Tango scoffs at both of them. "I get no respect."

"Well," Impulse smiles pleasantly, "Maybe if you did something for us to respect you."

"Oh I am so going to burn the rest of your clothes."

"No you are not!" Zedaph snorts, standing out of the way. He's missed this. He's really missed this.

-

"Hey, Zedaph?" He doesn't jump this time when Ren calls to him. He turns and smiles, offering a wave.

"Hi, Ren! It's nice to see you." Ren offers a small smile in return, keeping his lips together. Zedaph focuses on his eyes instead. He's figuring this out. He's doing it.

"I just wanted to let you know I'm transforming tomorrow. You gonna be okay? Know what part of the ship to stay away from?" Zedaph nods, a soft feeling in his chest.

"Yeah, Stress gave me the brief." A very thorough brief. He had to take notes. "I'll be fine. You've got to take care of yourself!" Ren laughs, hiding his mouth with his hand.

"I've got Stress to look after me, don't you worry. We're practised."

"Good! I'm sorry for making all this awkward for you. I'm figuring it out, promise."

Ren shakes his head, "No, I get it. It's not fun having instincts you can't turn off. We'll muddle through this, yeah?"

"Yeah! You seem like a cool guy."

"So do you. See you on the other side?" Zedaph nods in agreement.

"See you on the other side."

-

"Remember when Zed was afraid of Ren?" Zedaph blinks his eyes open, poking his head up from Ren's fur. He can see Ren's eyes glinting in the darkness as he stretches out beneath him.

"Remember when you two didn't bully me?" Zedaph whines, yawning as he stretches into an upright position.

"Nope, definitely not." Tango is stood in the doorway, Impulse poking his head around. Zedaph moves to pet through Ren's fur. It's always so soft and silky.

"We came to check if you two wanted anything, ignore him." Impulse pulls Tango back as he speaks. Zedaph smiles, looking down to Ren.

"You need anything?" Ren blinks, shaking his head. He sets it back down again, obviously stifling a yawn. Zedaph just makes sure to avoid looking at the teeth. "We're good."

"Okay. Don't be afraid to contact us if you do, alright?"

"Will do," Zed assures them. He's not afraid of reaching out anymore. The Hermits are like a family. He doesn't know where he'd be without them.

"We'll see you in the morning!" Tango calls.

"Have a good night."

"You too," Zedaph replies. He settles back onto Ren as the door closes, resting his cheek against the warm fur. "I missed them, you know?" He whispers, running his fingers through Ren's fur. He can see Ren's eyes watching him, deep and focused. He smiles. "They're like my brothers. It was hard with them gone." He laughs, throwing his other arm across Ren. "But now I've got all of you. I think that's an improvement, right?"

Ren makes a tiny bark, something he apparently practised just for Zed.

"Yeah. I agree," he smiles, before breaking into a giggle. "Thanks for tonight. You're a comfy pillow." Ren's tail beats gently against the ground. "I'm glad we've figured things out." He lets his eyes slip closed, breathing out. "Right-" he yawns, "-I'm going back to sleep." Ren exhales beneath him, leaving Zedaph to sink into his fur.

Yeah, he could get used to this.

[imnxtsorry]

important notes: this is my about and my main verse, v. free woman, and because I am canon divergent I have to ask you to take the time to read at least the bolded parts of ‘before and during the trilogy’ and all of ‘after the trilogy’ so you know what to expect. I’m not happy with her canon finale, so I will not be writing her raising Will’s child as a single mother, and characters from following movies would have to interact with Elizabeth after a bit of plotting/changes in timeline, thank you.   There are other verses all of you can check out at the bottom, to explore different aus/canon divergences/what ifs scenarios, knowing that everything can be changed/plotted so that your muse doesn’t feel goodmodded..

BEFORE AND DURING THE TRILOGY

Elizabeth's mother, Rose, was happy with her ordinary life as a lady, mother and wife. She was also curious, a day-dreamer, who encouraged Elizabeth to dream too, and to learn whatever her heart wished, as long as she would keep in mind that she’d have to follow society’s expectations when older, at least enough not to bring them shame. Rose also loved traveling, so whenever it was possible and appropriate she'd visit new places with her family - which was led her to an early death at sea. This is one of the reasons Elizabeth, who took a big interest in pirates, was allowed to read every book on the subject she could find, to the point of knowing pirate songs by the time she moved to Port Royal; that and her father being so loving and soft to her. Her mother is still a big influence in her life, a drive to do what she thinks is right and not only what she's told, and Elizabeth has warm memories of their life as a child and of how much her parents loved each other. Which is also why Elizabeth does not hate everything about her life as a 'lady': she did show genuine happiness at the sight of the new dress her father gifted her (until she tried it on and it was too tight), there is no reason why she shouldn't like social events involving dancing, or for some decorum to not be appreciated. On the other hand, a woman living in those times had limited options, too limited for Elizabeth, who expected Will to address her by name and not titles, who finds intimacy in breaking protocol, who does enjoy the freedom that comes from ignoring rules that mean nothing to her and have no real use (and of course in following her own rules and morals, for example waiting until the wedding night to be with Will despite clearly wanting it that badly). She enjoys adventures, swordfighting, leaving propriety behind in favor of honesty and closeness.

For these reasons Elizabeth never got close to other ladies growing up, feeling they wouldn't understand, and why I believe she never truly saw James Norrington for what he was, the qualities of him she could have appreciated, or not until it was too late. 

After the Curse Of The Black Pearl, Elizabeth and Will find out that they have too many communication problems to work, not sharing their deepest thoughts and pains, not knowing how to end fights - defensiveness, leaving the room in the middle of an argument. So they end up 'breaking up' before they ruin their relationship entirely. This sends Elizabeth down a spiral of self-doubt and self-discovery, because something she believed certain was gone so easily, and because she found herself unable to lean on the man she thought she'd love forever. Who was she meant to be? Could she be good and rebellious, true to herself and happy, but also make her loved ones happy? Once Beckett arrests them, things progress the way they do in the movies except for her and Will being romantically together, and any deviation from canon beside that will depend on our threads. It’s unlikely that Jack and James would know about the breakup before she tells them.

AFTER THE TRILOGY

If everything has gone like in canon, and our threads are set after, Elizabeth has taken her belongings from her father's house, which she can't inherit because she's an unmarried woman and will go to her cousin. He'd be willing to let her have it but she can't imagine living in it without her father, so she uses her pirate king title to get a smaller place on an island nearby, from where she can be given a ride to Shipwreck Island when needed there.

Thing is, Elizabeth's idea of freedom feels limited as pirate king too, since she has to stomach horrible acts the other pirates do, and would find no happiness in attacking people who haven’t attacked her first. She has only been able to give a new rule: to leave women and children alone (unless the women are warriors attacking them). Anything more, like asking pirates to leave good people alone, is just not possible without a mutiny. Teague supports the king and most are terrified of him but there is only so much that can be imposed, and Elizabeth has to ignore other bad acts to keep his 'subjects' appeased enough to follow the few directions she gives.

So now Elizabeth is having little adventures there and then, involving secret treasures and legends, nothing to do with pillaging innocent villages, and trying to find compromises that will let her sleep at night, while also refusing to start a new life as a lady somewhere else, because she'd be suffocated by expectations and protocol. She will still do whatever it takes to survive, she’ll scheme and not even involve other people in her plans unless cornered or due to exceptional reasons, but she will still despise the idea of leaving someone behind if there is another choice, of not trying everything to save others, to be honorable even at personal risk. She certainly does appreciate affection and some gentleman acts in her direction, she just doesn’t want to be bothered with the “coldness” that comes from being proper.  And yes, she still intends to wait until married to have a ‘wedding night’, her moral compass matters to her no matter what people expect of her as a pirate or as a woman. And her moral compass says she must keep fighting until she feels she has found the perfect balance between everything she wants and what life will give her.

little headcanons: -her father has a brother in London, who married and had two children, Mary and Anthony. Anthony is the older cousin who approved of Elizabeth’s ‘odd’ behaviors when they were kids and is now married to a woman who would also like her. For this reason he would help her with money and shelter if ever needed. Mary is determined to be proper and quite judgy, and will embarrass her to death if given the chance. -Elizabeth loves dancing, walks, reading, watching plays and playing boardgames.  -she has some pretty mundane wishes when it comes to her future family

OTHER VERSES

v. mrs turner. for will rpers only: they don’t break up after the first movie, and events can follow the next movies or be completely different in threads. Point is they stick together and navigate this new relationship - which after all is a big change after years of keeping proper distance.

v. hold on. she doesn’t break up her engagement with James Norrington even if she does help Jack escape his hanging - whether because not in love with Will or because Will never confessed his feelings. In the second movie she’s likely looking for James in Tortuga on top of wanting to free Will, and ends up joining Jack anyway.

v. follow the compass. threads about random plots like ‘soulmates au’ and the like. The events of the movie can or cannot happen depending on what we’ll decide.

v. fine woman. threads where the movies haven’t happened (or not yet and will happen later than in canon), and Elizabeth is living her life as a lady and growing sadder, longing for more. The stories will start from there. This includes threads with Will or James where their relationship develops in a different way (slightly younger Elizabeth etc.)

v. bring me the horizon. threads where the movies haven’t happened or not yet but one way or another she runs away looking for adventure. May or may not be kidnapped and brought to Tortuga. Her reputation ruined, she has to make a life there.

v. gilded ship. after the events of the movie, regardless of other differences from canon, she can’t return home because she has been ‘outed’ as pirate in most lands, being the king and all, and has to adapt to a pirate’s life and/or look for other options because she doesn’t want to be trapped that way either.

v. captain. one way or another, it’s Elizabeth who succeeds Davy Jones. Threads can be set before, maybe during, and of course after, when she comes ‘home’.

[singledarkshade]

Finding Home

Summary: A possible recruit for the Time Bureau, who may have been a Time Master, is about to change Rip's life again. Author’s Note: Small idea I had to write, hope you enjoy.                                 ********************************************* Ava Sharpe stepped into the school and shuddered.

She was not good with kids at all, but was one of the few members of the Bureau who had the expertise to recognise the tech. The only other person who could was Director Hunter, and Rip went nowhere near kids. When a few agents had become parents, he’d sent a gift but the moment they visited with their new children he holed up in his office. He told her that there were reasons but wouldn’t elaborate. Ava didn’t have the nerve to ask.

Which was why she was here at a high school science fair to check if one of the students had somehow made a miniature time core.

Walking slowly through the booths she spotted the one finally that said, ‘Can We Travel Through Time?’

“What are you doing?” an annoyed woman with black hair, and surprisingly an English accent, snapped at the teenager in charge of the booth as Ava lingered nearby to listen in.

“Not pretending anymore,” the boy retorted, “Why should I act like I can’t outthink anyone here, Mom? Why should I pretend that I don’t remember everything Dad taught me?”

The woman sighed, resting her hand on his cheek, “I know you miss your dad, I do too. But you also know that he would never approve of this.”

He sighed deflating suddenly and hugged his mother, “I’m sorry.”

“I know, little man,” she chuckled at the grimace the teen gave at the nickname, “Look, fix it so it isn’t as…exact as it currently is, and we’ll be fine.”

He nodded and Ava watched the boy change a few of the equations on the board, making them wrong but not too wrong. He was smart, extremely smart and from what Ava could tell a lot of it came from the mother.

This could be a potential problem for the Bureau but also possibly a recruit and future recruit for them.

Now she just had to get their names.

 Ava watched the mother and son leave the school. They were laughing as they walked to the car park and Ava nodded to the agents with her to intercept them. As two agents stepped in front of them Ava watched the woman take a protective stance in front of her son, ready to fight.

“Miss Burns,” Ava stepped out before the situation deteriorated, “I would like to speak to you about the project your son presented at the science fair.”

“I’m sorry but we don’t have the time,” Miss Burns replied, she took her son’s arm, “Come on, get to the car.”

Ava nodded to the agents to stay blocking them, “I just need a moment of your time. The project, before he changed it, is work that our company do and own the patent on.”

“You own a patent on time travel?” the woman challenged.

Ignoring the question, Ava continued, “I’m sure this can all be cleared up if you talk with us.”

“Mom…” the boy said.

“Get in the car,” Burns ordered her son sharply, “Now.”

“Miss Burns,” Ava pulled out her card, “Please understand this isn’t a bad thing. We’re actually hoping to talk to you about a job.”

Surprise touched the woman’s face, “What?”

“You obviously understood everything he did,” Ava stated, “If you’re interested please give me a call.”

She finally took the card, “I’ll think about it.”

                                  *********************************************

  The business card sat on the table as she stared at it trying to make some sense of who could be behind it.

“Are you going to contact these people?” Jon asked softly as he took a seat on the couch beside her.

Sandra Burns frowned in thought, it had been her name for the past eight years so if any Time Masters were involved in this ‘Time Bureau’ then it was doubtful they would know who she used to be.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea,” she told him, “But if they’ve already got us on their radar, then it’s unlikely they’ll leave us alone until I do meet with them.”

Jon grimaced in thought, “We could…”

“We’re not moving,” she cut him off, “Not in the middle of the school year.”

“Mom…”

“No,” she cut him off, “Leaving is not an option until it is absolutely necessary. I’m not going to do that to you. Not again. So, if I have to deal with these people then I will.”

Her son grimaced in thought, a look so like his father’s it made her heart ache.

“Okay, we go after school tomorrow,” he said.

“No,” Sandra shook her head, “I go alone.”

“Mom…”

She held up her hand stopping him protesting, “Remember, I was once a Time Master myself. I beat your father in every single class and test we ever had. I chose to leave but I have not forgotten anything. Trust me, I can take care of myself.”

  Looking at the non-descript building in front of her the next morning Sandra took a quick breath. She had a dagger hidden in her left boot, an old trick from her husband’s childhood, the weapon itself a gift from him. Made from Caeruleaum, a metal that would be used a great deal in the 30th Century it had the advantage that it wouldn’t show up on any metal detectors of this time. The metal also had slightly psychic properties, so his love for her was imprinted on the dagger and she felt it every time her fingers touched the hilt.

Forcing herself not to think about him, Sandra stepped across the threshold steeling herself for whoever she was about to meet.

“Can I help you?” the young man sitting at the reception desk in the same blue suit as the woman Sandra was here to see had been wearing. If this was the standard uniform for this place, then she was definitely out.

“Sandra Burns to see Agent Sharpe,” she said, short and to the point.

He checked his computer and nodded, “Please take a seat and I’ll let her know you’re here.”

Sandra sat stiffly, her back rigid waiting for an attack. Despite how long it had been since her training, she remembered it all. She knew without doubt if she hadn’t met her husband, then she would never have left but she wouldn’t have her amazing son.

“Miss Burns,” Ava Sharpe appeared with a pleasant smile on her face, her long blonde hair pulled back, “Welcome to the Bureau. Please follow me and I will introduce you to the Director.”

With a soft nod, Sandra stood and followed the other woman taking in every detail of the building. Including all the escape routes.

They reached a small room with two couches and a small table in it.

“Please take a seat and I will be right back with the Director,” Sharpe gave a smile before disappearing.

Sandra let out a soft breath and turned to look out the window. She hadn’t missed the fact that Sharpe had not given her the name of this Director, which was beginning to worry her.

Jon had instructions to not come home until she let him know it was safe, he was going to stay with one of his friends after school. She just hoped he didn’t take after his father too much and did as he was told.

Hearing people arrive behind her Sandra steeled herself for whoever was there, the voice that came from behind her made her freeze.

“Miss Burns, welcome to the Time Bureau.”

Turning slowly her breath caught in her throat as she stared at the ghost standing there, the man that she never thought she’d ever see again, “Rip?”

                                  *********************************************

  Staring at the information Ava had brought him on the woman and boy who appeared to have knowledge of time travel, Rip wondered if he’d known them.

It was possible that the woman was a former Time Master, but Rip didn’t recognise the name. Then again it could be an alias picked to hide after the destruction of the Vanishing Point or one he just wasn’t aware of. Typically, it was too much to ask for pictures of the people.

The boy was sixteen, the age Jonas would be in Rip’s linear life, and the deep sadness of losing his little boy filled him once more.

“Director?” Ava’s voice interrupted his thoughts, “She’s here.”

Nodding Rip replied, “Bring her up but do not give her my name.”

Confusion covered the woman’s face, “What?”

“The Time Masters and I had a disagreement,” Rip noted, “If she is a former Captain then it will be best that she does not know I’m here until I’m face to face with her.”

Ava nodded, although she looked confused, “I’ll let you know once she’s there.”

When she left the room, Rip closed his eyes and wished for Gideon. It was almost five full years since they’d been together, since he left the Waverider to get his head straight after what Thawne had done to him and to allow himself the proper time to grieve his losses.

He hadn’t expected the ship to be trapped in a time quake, leaving him without his only support and comfort.

Rip had put all his energies into building the Time Bureau to take up the mantle of protecting the timeline after the destruction of the Time Masters, and he was proud of what he’d achieved.

But he was tired.

And missed Gideon to talk to.

Since the discovery of this woman who could be a former Time Master, Rip partly hoped she was because it would give him someone who understood his former life, someone he might be able to confide in.

Assuming she didn’t try to kill him.

“Director Hunter,” Ava appeared again, “She’s waiting for you.”

Taking a deep breath Rip slid on his jacket, hoping to at least make a good first impression.

Reaching the room where their guest was waiting, Rip saw her with her back to them staring out the window. Petite with dark hair pulled back, Rip could see she was a former Time Master from the way she was standing. He took a quick breath, hoping she wasn’t going to be one who hated his guts for his part in removing them, and stepped inside the room.

“Miss Burns, welcome to the Time Bureau.”

She turned slowly and he stared in astonishment unable to move as her lips parted.

“Rip?”

Slowly he walked towards her, the ghost of the woman he loved standing there and shakily he reached out to touch her cheek.

“Miranda?” he whispered, “Are you real?”

She laughed, tears in her eyes before she closed the distance between them and kissed him. Rip felt the world disappear as Miranda held him, when they parted, he heard a cough and realised they weren’t alone. Not to mention in a room that was mostly windows with several agents staring at them, trying to look as though they weren’t.

“I have this from here, Ava,” Rip stated wrapping his arm around Miranda and moving her to his office where they would have some privacy, he looked back at Ava and told her, “Cancel everything I have for today and only disturb me if it’s an emergency.”

Without another word Rip drew his long-lost wife into his office and shut the door.

  The moment the door to the office closed Miranda stepped away from Rip and turned to look at him. He’d shaved his beard, which she did not like, and he looked far too thin, but it was still her husband standing before her.

“I don’t understand,” Miranda whispered, “How? He told us you were dead.”

Rip frowned, “Who?”

“Druce,” Miranda replied, seeing anger cover his face as he began to pace muttering, “What? Rip, talk to me.”

“That bastard,” he snarled, “I should have known, damn it. Of course he did this. He probably wanted Jonas…” trailing off he spun to her, fear in his eyes and demanded, “Jonas?”

“He’s fine,” Miranda assured him, “He’s at school.”

Rip smiled sadly, remembering the file, “He’s sixteen.”

Miranda nodded, “And he’s the best of both of us. He’s going to be so happy to see you.”

Seeing the sadness and unsurety fill his eyes, Miranda gently rubbed his arm, “It’s okay,” she soothed before wrapping her arms around him and holding Rip tightly, “I’m here again, darling. We’re together, a family once more.”

“But I lost you,” Rip whispered, his head tucked against her neck, “I lost you both. They took you from me.”

Miranda hushed him, “And we found one another. The way we always do.”

Rip took a deep breath feeling Miranda’s fingers play with his hair, feeling the calm her presence and touch could always instil in him.

“By the way,” she noted, touching his cheek, “I hate this, and you are growing your beard back. I can’t believe Gideon let you shave it at all never mind leave it like this.”

Rip sighed, “She’s not here.”

“What?”

“It’s a long story,” Rip said with a shrug.

Miranda brushed her fingers through his hair once more, “You will tell me everything, but since Jonas doesn’t finish school for a few hours and we haven’t been together in such a long time we are going to find somewhere a little more private.”

“I stay in one of the apartments upstairs,” Rip told her.

Miranda took his hand, “Then lead the way.”

  They hadn’t managed to talk over the past few hours, but the time had not been wasted as they basked in being together for the first time in so many years.

“I should come with you,” Rip said softly as Miranda fixed her hair.

“No,” Miranda turned to him and placed a soft kiss on his lips, “The school gates are not the place for this reunion. I’ll bring him here.”

Rip grimaced, “But…”

“Rip,” Miranda cut him off, her fingers sliding through his hair again, “I know you’re scared we’ll disappear, but I am going nowhere. I promise you that I will bring your son here so our family will be complete.”

Nodding Rip placed a key in her hand, “Come in through the back entrance. My code is the same one I used for my quarters.”

Miranda chuckled, resting her hand on his cheek once more and kissed him deeply.

“I love you,” Rip breathed softly.

Smiling at him, she replied, “I love you too. Now I must get going, or I’ll miss Jonas.”

Giving her husband one more kiss, Miranda grabbed her bag and motioned him to show her the way out. Rip took her hand, and as they walked through the corridors of the Time Bureau there were a lot of confused, as well as stunned, glances thrown their way.

“I think we may become the office gossip,” Miranda chuckled, keeping a hold of him before adding, “Although that probably started when you kissed me hello.” At the blush that crept up his neck, Miranda laughed and leaned into him, “They’re going to find out eventually who I am but keeping them guessing will be entertaining.”

At his grimace Miranda smirked at him.

“I can have a lot of fun with these people,” she teased, “But first I better go pick up our son.”

  Jon had spent most of the day worrying about his mother. It wasn’t like he had to pay attention to the classes, he was only here because his mother wanted him to have the proper school experience at least until the end of this year. He would get to go to college next year.

The end of the day finally came, and he gathered up his things before heading to his locker. Chrissie, Dean and Heather were already there waiting for him. Chrissie gave him a smile, which Jon felt his cheeks burn a little at, but no one saw as Dean started taking about the movie he’d seen the night before.

Walking towards the exit, Jon joined in the conversation. He stalled seeing his mother standing waiting for him.

“Looks like I won’t be able to come with you,” Jon said, “My mom is waiting for me. See you tomorrow.”

Jogging over to where his mother was standing Jon was surprised when she hugged him.

“Mom,” he pulled back, “What happened? Is everything okay?”

A smile touched her lips, “Everything is fine, honey and I have something I want you to see.”

Jon stared at her for a moment, it had been a long time since she’d seemed this…happy?

“Get in the car,” she rolled her eyes when he didn’t move.

Sliding into the passenger seat, Jon studied his mother trying to work out what had happened earlier that day. He’d never seen her like this, well not for a long time. She was humming to herself as she drove.

“What is going on?” Jon demanded, “Did they swap you with a pod person?”

His mother rolled her eyes and swatted his arm, “Don’t be such a smartass. It’ll make sense once we get where we’re going.”

Jon sighed and leaned back watching her drive through the streets, trying to work out where they were going. Finally they reached a non-descript building and his mother drove round to the back parking the car. Jon followed her out and upstairs where they stopped outside a door.

“Honey,” she smiled, squeezing his hand before continuing, “Jonas, this is an amazing day.”

Taken back that his mother had used his real name, he hadn’t heard it outside their house for years, he let his mother move him through the door. Lost in thought, he didn’t see the man standing watching them until he spoke.

“Jonas.”

  Rip felt his heart stop as he watched Miranda lead their son inside, stunned by how grown-up his little boy now was. Jonas had a slight frown on his face, as he entered the room. Miranda smiled at Rip and took his hand briefly before she nodded.

“Jonas,” Rip said.

Slowly Jonas turned to stare at Rip, whispering, “Dad?”

Happiness filled Rip to hear that one word, “Look at you,” he moved to his son, “You’re so grown up.”

Jonas stared at him reaching out when Rip was close enough. As soon as Jonas touched Rip’s arm, Rip had his son in a tight embrace, and they held onto one another.

“Dad…Daddy,” Jonas cried, tears streaming along his cheeks, “You’re here.”

Rip rubbed his son’s back the way he had when Jonas was a little boy, “I’m here,” he felt his own tears fall, “I’ve found you.”

Kissing his son’s hair, Rip felt Miranda’s hand gently touch his arm and he pulled her into the circle with his son. The small family stood together, crying as they held onto one another together again after so long.

                                  *********************************************

  Keith looked up as a delivery man appeared through the main entrance carrying several bags of food. He took the bags, tipping the driver from petty cash. It wasn’t unusual for Director Hunter to order in food if he was working late. From the looks of things, it was going to be a few of the higher up agents, more than likely Agent Sharpe would be one of them. Keith hated having to deliver food when she was there. He always felt he was interrupting something earth-shatteringly important the way she would watch him.

Checking the computer, he saw the message from Director Hunter to deliver the food to his apartment. That wasn’t unusual either, Keith had worked out the meetings were sometimes moved to the apartment since it let Director Hunter pace.

Heading up to the apartments, Keith knocked and waited.

“Ahh, excellent,” Director Hunter said as he appeared looking strangely relaxed, “Thank you, Agent Miller.”

Keith nodded but, before the door closed, he caught sight of a woman with dark hair appear just behind the Director.

“Food, finally,” she said, “You have cupboard full of tea and nothing to eat. Trust me Hunter, that is never happening again.”

Any reply was cut off as the door closed leaving Keith alone in the corridor. Heading back down to the reception desk he found Ellie, one of the AI programmers sitting with Hannah at reception.

“There’s no way,” Hannah cried as Keith came closer, seeing him she motioned him over, “Miller, according to Ellie, Director Hunter was kissing a strange woman in one of the conference rooms earlier today,” Hannah said.

Keith frowned in thought before noting, “She wouldn’t happen to have had dark hair.”

The two women turned to him, and Hannah demanded, “What do you know?”

  Rip smiled as Miranda sorted plates out for the food they’d ordered. Jonas was slouched on the couch, on the phone to one of his friends.

It was so wonderful and so…strange.

“Hey,” Miranda slid her arms around his waist from behind and hugged him, “It’s okay. I know this is weird.”

Rip turned and wrapped his arms around her, “I’m waiting for you both to disappear suddenly.”

Looking up at him, Miranda pushed herself up on her tiptoes and kissed him.

“Hey, teenager over here who does not need to see that,” Jonas called from his spot on the couch.

Miranda chuckled and turned to their son, “Then close your eyes or go get drinks from the kitchen.”

Grumbling under his breath the teenager stood and headed into the small kitchen as Miranda pulled Rip in for another kiss.

Neither saw their son smile to see them together again.

  “Okay,” Miranda said once they’d finished eating, “I think it’s time we talk about what happened.”

Jonas looked confused, “Didn’t you discuss that earlier? Before the kid was in the room.”

“You deserve to be here for this conversation,” Miranda told him before she smiled, “Besides we had other things to do this afternoon,” she quickly continued before Jonas could make any noises of disgust, “Mocking your father for his new look and terrible outfit took up most of my time.”

Rip sighed and dropped his head back in frustration, “I will regrow my beard.”

“Of course you will, dear,” Miranda patted his arm before taking his hand, “So, tell us what happened?”

Rip took a slow deep breath, holding onto Miranda’s hand tightly he began to talk. He struggled as he spoke of finding them dead, his attempts to save them and recruiting the Legends.

“You blew up the Vanishing Point?” Miranda demanded in astonishment.

Rip nodded, “I didn’t want to but what we believed in had been corrupted irretrievably.”

Miranda squeezed his hand, “It’s okay. What happened to bring you here?”

Continuing his story Rip jumped when Miranda let out a small squeal.

“What?” Rip and Jonas demanded in surprise.

“You touched the time drive?” Miranda demanded, her eyes wide with undisguised interest, “What…” she trailed off wanting to ask her question, but not sure she should.

“Yes, your theory was right,” Rip told her, “Which is a much longer story than we have time for.”

He continued the story, leaving out what Thawne had done or what Rip had done under the influence, and finished with leaving the Waverider to take some time away to get himself in order after everything.

“When I discovered what stopping Thawne and his cohorts did to time, and the team were stuck with Gideon in a time quake,” Rip shrugged, “I founded the Bureau to try to fix the problems we made.”

Jonas let out a breath, “I’m feeling like I’ve got a lot to live up to.”

“It’s okay, honey,” Miranda chuckled, “I don’t expect you to form an organisation to save the world until after college.”

Rip shook his head at his wife before asking, “How did you end up here?”

“Druce brought us,” Miranda told him softly, she took a quick breath, “I remember running and then suddenly there was blackness. I woke up in the Vanishing Point. Druce spun a story that you were on a mission, he’d rescued us, and he needed to get us somewhere safe until you were finished.”

“He told you…”

“Gave me some story about how he’d always known we were together but kept it a secret because he wanted us to be happy,” she said, before giving a soft sigh, “He was actually really good with Jonas. Told him stories about you when you were a little boy.”

Jonas nodded, “I wanted to ask you about them.”

“Anyway,” Miranda took over again, “He brought us to Star City, because I knew the era well enough to avoid anything major and he assured me that he would bring you to join us as soon as you finished your mission. One month later I knew that he was never coming back, and I accepted that we’d lost you.” Rip wrapped his arm around her as Miranda finished, “So I bought a house, got a job and put Jonas in school. We’ve been here ever since.”

Hugging his wife tightly, Rip pulled Jonas close to him and whispered, “And now we’re together again” Rip suddenly frowned in thought, “Where did you get the money?”

Miranda chuckled, “You obviously haven’t checked all your accounts.”

                                  *********************************************

  Rip sighed as he woke up feeling completely rested for the first time in what felt like forever. He could hear a soft voice talking to him, while someone was gently stroking along his hairline. Assuming he was dreaming, Rip sighed, “Gideon.”

A chuckle came from beside him before a familiar voice murmured in his ear, “Nope, it’s your other wife.”

“Miranda?” Rip opened his eyes, staring at the woman lying beside him, “I thought I dreamed you.”

“I know how you feel,” Miranda replied with a smile, “This is the best way to wake up, isn’t it?”

Resting his forehead against hers, Rip sighed happily, “It is,” he held her closer, “I missed you more than I can ever say.”

Cuddling close she kissed him softly, “I missed you too. But I’ve got you back and I am never letting you go again.”

Rip kissed her, Miranda wrapping her arms around him as they lost themselves in each other.

“Unfortunately,” Miranda broke the moment, “I have to get Jonas back to the house so he can get ready for school.”

Rip grimaced, “I need go to work this morning. And I know how much you enjoy stirring things, but I am going to have to explain to the board who you are.”

“We also need to talk about practical things too,” Miranda noted, “Jonas cannot be expected to sleep on the couch of this apartment more than once. We have a house, where he has a room and a bed.”

Nodding Rip slid his hand along her back, “I know but that would have meant we had to move last night.”

Miranda checked the clock, “Okay, time to get up. I will get our son to school and come back so we can talk properly.”

Rip kissed her, pulling her close and groaning when she moved away from him.

“Okay, Jonas,” Miranda called as she left the bedroom, “Get your things together. We will be heading in ten minutes.”

“I’m sleeping,” the groaned reply floated through making Rip smile as he dragged himself out of bed and headed to have his shower.

  “I thought we had the discussion about you drinking coffee,” Miranda said, as she plucked the mug out of the teenager’s hands.

“Need caffeine,” Jonas retorted, “Mean mother woke me.”

Rip chuckled from his spot leaning in the doorway watching them. Although saddened that he’d missed eight years of his son growing up, Rip was happy to see how close Jonas was to Miranda. He heard a knock at the door and grimaced, it looked like his break from work was over. Opening the door, he smiled to find Gary Green standing there.

“Sorry to disturb you,” Gary gave him an apologetic grimace, “But Agent Sharpe wanted to remind you that you have a meeting with the board and Director Bennett in twenty minutes.”

“She sent you to get me?” Rip asked.

Gary gave a shrug, “I volunteered.”

Rip nodded, “Come in a second there is something I want you to see.”

Confused Gary walked into the small apartment, closing the door behind him.

“Honey, we’re about ready to go,” Miranda said appearing from the kitchen.

Rip watched Gary who stared at Miranda, his eyes lighting up with joy.

“Lieutenant Coburn?” Gary breathed.

Confused Miranda frowned turning to Rip for a second before she looked at Gary.

“I know your voice,” she said softly as she took a few steps forward, “Rip, how do I know his voice?”

Resting his hand on her arm, Rip smiled, “Miranda, this is Gary.”

“Gary?” she gasped as what he was telling her clicked suddenly, “My Gary,” turning back to the man standing there watching her Miranda walked forward and took his face in her hands, “How?”

“There was a small accident, I don’t know exactly what happened but here he is,” Rip told her.

Gary smiled giving a shy shrug when Miranda hugged him.

“This is amazing,” she sighed, “Finding you as well as Rip.”

“It’s wonderful to see you, Lieutenant,” Gary whispered, he smiled when she let him go “Are you joining the Time Bureau?”

Miranda squeezed his arm as she turned to Rip, “That is still to be decided. And I need to get Jonas out of here or he’ll be late for school.”

“I’m fine with that,” Jonas noted, leaving the kitchen as he finished a mug of what Rip assumed to be coffee.

Rip chuckled resting his arm around his son’s shoulders, “Jonas, this is Gary.”

Jonas raised his hand in greeting.

“Gary was my AI when I was training,” Miranda beamed, “He was my best friend back then and I can’t believe I get to introduce you to him.”

The phone began to ring, and Rip sighed, “It looks like Agent Sharpe is getting anxious.”

“Then you should go,” Miranda told him, “You have things to do.”

Rip grimaced.

“I can escort them to the car park,” Gary spoke up.

“And he can keep me company until you’re finished when I get back,” Miranda smiled giving him a quick kiss, she ordered, “Go.”

Rip sighed and nodded. He was about to leave but turned and hugged Jonas tightly for a moment before kissing Miranda again.

“I’ll see you both soon.”

                                  *********************************************

  Rip stood outside the conference room taking a breath to focus himself, then walked in and took his seat.

“Good morning, Director Hunter,” Bennett said, “How nice of you to finally join us.”

Not even Bennett’s snide comments could destroy Rip’s good mood today.

“Before we start with today’s agenda,” Bennett continued, “There have been some interesting rumours that I feel you need to clear up, Director Hunter. As well as an explanation why an unknown and unauthorised person was able to access the apartments using your code last night.”

Rip gave a very slight smile. Bennett must have been rejoicing thinking that he had a way to remove or at least disgrace Rip slightly.

“An explanation would be helpful, Rip,” Anna Meadows noted. A former Time Master herself, one who had actually retired, she had been one of Rip’s first contacts when building the Bureau and he was always glad she was on the board, “From what Agent Sharpe said you had a meeting with a woman you believed may have been a former Time Master possibly another Captain?”

He nodded, “Sandra Burns and her son Jon came onto our radar due to a project he was working on for his science fair about time travel. Checking the equations,” he brought them up and heard Anna laugh, “It was very possible.”

“How old is he?” she demanded.

“Sixteen,” Rip replied.

Anna mused, “This is incredible. So, who is our former Captain? Because I don’t recognise the name.”

“She wasn’t a Captain,” Rip said, “She left as a Lieutenant. Her name is Miranda Coburn.”

Anna stared at him, “Really?”

“Could either of you explain to the rest of us who this woman is?” Randall Kelly asked intrigued.

“Lieutenant Coburn was one of the best ever trained,” Anna explained, “She was top of her class beating Director Hunter in every single test. Then one day she simply left. Only the council knew why.”

“Actually I know,” Rip took over before stating matter-of-factly, “Miranda and I began a relationship against the rules. She chose to leave when it was discovered.”

Anna stared at him in stunned silence knowing exactly how serious their former masters would have looked upon a relationship, especially between two of their best pupils.

“Then is she likely to accept the offer to work here?” Kelly asked thoughtfully.

Bennett suddenly interrupted, “You violated security for an old girlfriend.”

Rip forced himself to remain calm and not rise to Bennett’s baiting.

“Miranda is my wife,” Rip stated, aware of Anna’s expression of utter astonishment as well as the surprised expressions on every other face around the table, “And Jonas my son. Allowing my family into my home was not violating any security policy.”

“Director,” Kelly said softly, “You have never mentioned you were married or had a son.”

“I believed they were dead and they believed I was,” Rip said, his voice flat, “As you can imagine yesterday was rather emotional for all of us.”

Anna stood, “Then Director Hunter you are now on leave for the next week at least, to allow you and your family time together. As for bringing Lieutenant Coburn into the Bureau, I’m sure that’s a discussion that can wait until you return to work.” A little stunned Rip was cut off by Anna speaking again, “We can survive a week without you, Rip.”

With a slight smile, Rip nodded, “Thank you.”

  “Rip.”

Confused he turned to find Anna walking towards him as he headed to the elevator.

“Is there something you need from me for the meeting?” he asked confused.

“We’re taking a quick break,” Anna told him before saying, “Druce made you believe they were gone, didn’t he?”

Silently, Rip nodded.

“I’m guessing he also had a hand in their thinking you were dead,” she grimaced, “I didn’t think that man could disgust me any more than he already has.”

Rip took a quick breath, “I’m just pleased that once more we ruined his plans.”

Anna nodded, “So am I. I look forward to meeting them and I will keep Bennett in line.”

Rip smiled at her again before adding, “Agent Green will likely be unavailable for a good part of the week as well.”

“Oh,” Anna, the only other person aware of Gary’s previous form, gasped in amazement, “He was Miranda’s AI. That’s why you’ve always been so protective of him.”

Rip nodded.

Anna laughed, “I will ensure that there are no issues for him. Now go and spend some time with your wife and son.”

                                  *********************************************

  Miranda ushered her son to have a shower and get ready for school while she made him breakfast before heading have a shower herself.

“Are you ready?” Miranda asked entering the kitchen, finding Jonas finishing his toast.

“Do I have to go to school?” Jonas demanded, “We just found dad…”

“Hey,” she cut him off, “It’s one day and you will have all weekend with your dad. I promise.”

“Mom…”

“He’s going nowhere. He is going to be with us from now on,” Miranda reminded him, “But we need to talk about a few things today. Jonas,” she rested her hands on his arms, “I need you to do this for me, okay?”

He sighed, “Fine.”

“I will pick you up tonight,” Miranda promised her son, “Keep your phone on and if there are any changes to our plans, we’ll let you know.”

Jonas nodded.

“Then get your stuff and we can get out of here.”

  Miranda smiled to see Rip was waiting for her when she reached the Time Bureau.

“I thought you had a meeting?” she asked smiling as he kissed her hello quickly.

Rip shrugged, “I have been told I have the week off. I thought we could go and get some lunch.”

Sliding her hand into his, Miranda walked with him out of the building seeing the stunned expressions on several of the people.

“I don’t think the information of who I am has made it around the building yet,” she chuckled.

Rip rolled his eyes, “Could you leave me with a little bit of dignity?”

Laughing she hugged his arm, “Take me for lunch and I’ll think about it.”

Rip began to laugh as well and led her to the car, “I know a nice place we can eat.”

  Rip felt nervous as he stepped across the threshold of the house Miranda and Jonas lived in. He felt a bit like an intruder but knew what his wife would say to that so kept the thought to himself. Lunch had been nice but now they had to talk and make some decisions. It had been eight years they’d been apart, and they couldn’t pretend those years hadn’t happened. No matter how much they both wanted to.

Looking around Rip smiled to see pictures of Jonas gracing the hallway showing him going from the little boy that Rip had known to the teenager he was these days.

“I’ll make some tea,” Miranda pulled his attention back to her and he followed her through to the kitchen.

Sitting at the table Rip watched Miranda, without hesitation make him tea the way he liked, before she sat across from him with her own mug.

“Okay, I let myself get carried away with how incredible it feels to have found you again but I have to think of our son’s needs before ours,” Miranda said finally, “So I need to know what you want.”

“To be with you and Jonas,” Rip replied instantly, “If that’s what you want.”

Reaching out to take his hand she smiled, “Of course I want to be with you. But we have a life here and I don’t want to disrupt Jonas’ life any more than we have to.”

Rip frowned slightly.

“I am not trying to keep you from your son,” Miranda assured him, “But it’s been eight years, Rip. I love you, and I have missed you so much. I’m just afraid that those years apart will be too hard a bridge to gap.”

Moving to her Rip knelt beside her, “After you left the Time Masters, we didn’t see one another for five years and it didn’t change how we felt. I love you.  I want to be with you again, I want to be able to be Jonas’ father again.”

Miranda smiled, “How long do you think it will take for you to move your things in?”

“Really?”

“I am not spending another night without you,” Miranda told him, “And I will join the Time Bureau in some capacity we can work out later.”

Surging up, Rip caught her lips with his and kissed her.

Breaking apart, Miranda smiled softly at him, “Welcome home, my love.”

[space-helen]

Unlovable

Words: 2555

Pairing: Spock x reader

A/N: I like elements of this fic in their different sections but I think I need to work on my transitions and make them less choppy. Thank you for the request and I hope you all enjoy.

Summary: Spock has been spending a lot of time with the reader after they got off on the wrong foot. He comes to terms with his feelings for the reader after an away mission and being confronted by Pike. Not much Romance/Intimacy in this one! Sorry, but I’ll be sure to write more Spock with romance/intimacy.

Request: Since you're taking Spock requests, could you possibly do one where he expresses/opens up about his feelings for the reader? In Disco there were some bits about how he worries he can't love or will be unlovable. So just how the reader would access that part of him, how they make him feel loved and able to do so? And some romance/intimacy too maybe?  - @allthetrek

Warnings: Mentions of gunshots and blood.

____________________

You sat in alone with your lunch in front of you. Looking around you sighed and picked up your fork before beginning to eat your salad. You couldn't waste any more time of your lunch break waiting for Michael.

You pushed the small tomato around the plate before stabbing it. “Woah, Y/N what did the tomato ever do to you?” You looked up to see Michael stood in front of you, she flashed her contagious smile as you stood and hugged her, before noticing the man next to her, he was tall, adorned in dark clothing, his face was covered with a beard and his eyes sparkled in the light. “Y/N, I'd like to introduce you to Spock, my brother. Spock this is Lieutenant Y/L/N.”

You placed your hand out to shake the man's Michael shook her head slightly and placed her hands on yours to knock them out of the way. Spock nodded towards you “the pleasure is mine Lieutenant” his low voice spoke.

“Please sit,” you said gesturing towards the empty seats and taking a seat. The man turned slightly to look at Michael as you noticed his perfect posture.

“Sit Spock, I'll go get us some food.” Michael turned away while Spock took a seat opposite you.

The man sat with his hands grasped together on the table, the two of you sat in silence while you waited for Michael to come back. The silence was awkward yet you had no idea what to talk about, you'd just met the man. You knew what had happened with the man and that he was accused of murder, but although you'd never met the man you knew he couldn't have done it. The way Michael had been talking about the situation told you everything you needed to know. You began to think about what you were going to say to the man when every conversation starter you could think of wouldn't be good enough to carry a good conversation.

You opened your mouth to say something when Michael returned and placed a tray in front of Spock before sitting next to you with hers. “Why you two are very chatty aren't you?”

“Perhaps the lack of communication between Y/N and I is down to the fact she is afraid of me, much like many your colleagues are”

Your jaw slacked and you dropped your fork onto the tray “Spock, no”

“Perhaps it is instead because I am Vulcan.”

Michael stared at her brother “Maybe the most logical explanation is that she doesn't know what to make conversation about since you two have just met?”

You cleared your throat “If I may interject?” The two siblings diverted their attention to you. “I didn't make conversation as I was lost in thought and I started overthinking about what I was going to say, and by the time I was going to say something Michael came back.”

“That does sound like a reasonable explanation,” Spock said as you saw his eyebrow twitch upwards slightly.

Spock looked down at his food in slight embarrassment, but it's not like anyone could tell on the outside. Michael had told him about how Y/N was a very close friend of hers and how she had always believed in her. She also told him how Y/N would listen to her when she spoke about Spock and always believed that he didn't kill anyone. Michael had also expressed how she felt that Y/N and he would get on well and would even possibly form a friendshiply bond. Spock had found that somewhat amusing as he only had one person he saw as a friend in a way and that was Captain Pike. He couldn't imagine making friendships with anyone else.

“Well, I need to be back on the bridge. I'll see you later Michael.” You turned to the man and gave him a smile “Have a nice day Spock.”

“Likewise Y/N”

With that, you quickly cleared away your tray and made your way towards the bridge.

“Lieutenant Y/L/N you are relieved of your duties for the day” Captain Pike spoke from his chair. You quickly stood and walked to the turbo lift.

The doors closed and the lift began to move before it abruptly stopped and opened its doors. The ride was too quick to be your floor. You looked up to see none other than Spock join you in the lift. “Spock, how are you?” You greeted the man.

“I am well thank you, Lieutenant Y/L/N. How are you?”

“I’m good, I just finished my bridge shift so I'm going back to my quarters now.”

The man next to you nodded as the lift fell into silence. The silence only lasted a couple of seconds but to you, it felt like an age. Spock turned to you slightly before speaking again. “I am sorry for our misunderstanding earlier at lunch. I have not had the warmest of welcomes recently. However, the best welcome has come from the discovery. Yet it will take some time to get used to. As of recently, people have been trying to arrest me rather than give me a warm reception.”

You smirked slightly at what the man said. Was this an attempt of a joke from the Vulcan? “There's no need to be sorry. It's my fault for not saying anything and getting too caught up in my own head.”

“That may be the case but I must take some of the blame as I was at fault for not saying anything either.”

You smiled at the man “if you insist” the turbo lift came to a halt and you began to exit it “well this is my floor. Will I see you at lunch tomorrow? Maybe we can have a proper conversation then?” You asked the man as you stood in the doorway.

“Certainly” the man gazed at you.

You smiled in return “Well have a nice evening Spock, see you tomorrow.” you gave the man a small wave and received a small nod back. Turning you exited the lift and walked down the corridor as the doors closed behind you.

It had been a month since you'd met Spock formally at lunch. You both had been spending a lot of time together after shifts, discussing a wide array of things. You never thought you'd say it but you would see the man as a very close friend, and you even maybe had feelings for the man. You never wanted your discussions to end. However, he would usually insist that the night ended in order for you to get enough sleep.

Other people had noticed your growing friendship as well, Pike noticed that Spock had become a little less snippy towards everyone and he would make time for you and would always let you contribute your ideas if you had any. He was also the one who suggested that you should go on the away mission with the Captain and himself. That's how you'd found yourself stood on the transporter pad waiting for the other two men to join you.

You holstered your phaser and looked straight ahead, the mission was simple to go down to the surface collect some rock samples and do a scan of the area. There were natives to the planet and they were less than welcoming, so the mission would need to be carried out quickly.

The two men entered the transporter room, Pike standing next to you and Spock the other side of him. “This shouldn't take too long. We'll go down to the surface, Lieutenant Y/L/N will gather rock samples while Spock does a surface scan, I will watch out for natives. The atmosphere of the planet is not suitable for us to breath therefore, we have set up a temporary atmosphere circle for us” Pike stated.

“Let's hope none of the natives stumble across us” you nervously joke “let's not get injured on this one”  you quickly added.

“Well, that would be the most logical thing to do” Spock quickly turned you and raised an eyebrow during his response. You're not sure but you think one side of his mouth twitched quickly into a smirk as well.

“Alright, guys less of the chit chat let's do this.” Captain Pike smiled and raised a knowing eyebrow at you, and with that, you were transported down to the surface.

You got to work quickly, heading towards the rockface you began to take samples of the different rocks in front of you. Spock began scanning the area and sending the readings back to the ship. “Captain I am detecting unusual activity from the planets -” Spock was cut off by the sound of a gunshot.

Pike quickly responded by letting off a phaser blast. You quickly dropped the rock you were surveying and turned to run to the men when you heard another gunshot followed by intense pain in your leg. You fell to the floor with a thud and quickly moved your hands to your leg to apply pressure to the wound.

With that, the ground began to shake violently and the rock face shed rocks as it did. You placed your arms over your head in order to protect it from the downfall. The natives fired a couple more shots before retreating.

Spock and Pike began to run to you but the ground began to shake again this caused a large boulder fall from the rockface, cutting the atmosphere containment size down substantially. They stopped dead at the border as they realised you were the other side. “Pike to bridge, 3 to beam up”

“I'm sorry Sir but we are unable to get a lock on Lieutenant Y/L/N.”

Spock looked towards the man “according to my calculations we have approximately 90 seconds to get to Lieutenant Y/L/N before the oxygen in her system reaches very dangerous levels. The rockface is unstable and will also collapse very soon. Lieutenant Y/L/N's chance of survival is approximately 43%.”

“We can't just leave her?”

“I did not suggest we should.” And with that Spock ran out of the atmosphere containment and towards you. Pike stood watching astounded by the man's actions.

When he reached you, you were violently gasping for air while trying to maintain pressure on your leg. The man carefully placed his arms under you before running back into the atmosphere containment. “3 to beam up” Pike called and within a blink of an eye, you were back on the discovery. 

As soon as you rematerialised you were taken from Spock's arms and rushed to medbay. He watched as you were taken out of the room, he took a step forward to follow you when he felt a hand on his chest stop him. He followed the arm to see that it belonged to Captain Pike. “Could everyone leave the room please?” The captain requested as Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Sir what is it that you would like to discuss?” The Spock questioned.

“What was that down there Spock?” the man asked quietly.

“What was what Captain?”

“You just went to help Lieutenant Y/L/N even though she had a 43% of survival. That was an illogical act which you wouldn't normally do.” Pike stated.

“Are you expressing your disappointment in me because I went to save Lieutenant Y/L/N?”

“Not at all Spock, I would have gone if you hadn't jumped on the situation first.” The man paused “Why'd you do it, Spock, if it had been a month ago you would have never have done such a thing”

The man thought for a second and lowered his gaze to the floor before looking back up to the man “Perhaps it is because I have developed feelings for Lieutenant Y/L/N. We have been spending a great amount of time together. We sit and talk about a whole manner of subjects, we understand each other, she helps me understand my feelings somewhat, she trusts me, I trust her, she is not judgemental about others and will do her best to help anyone. I always thought I'd be unable to love, however, Y/N has changed that”

Pike had his mouth slightly open in shock but this quickly changed to a beaming smile as Spock stopped talking. “I'm happy for you Spock.”

“The downside is I believe that I am unlovable Captain, and I do not believe that Y/N feels the same way.”

Pike put a reassuring hand on Spock's shoulder and let out a small laugh. “It's funny how someone as incredibly intelligent as you can't see what's right in front of them. She likes you too Spock. You are relieved of duty, go see her.”

With that Spock left the transporter room. Pike put his hands on his hips and shook his head with a big smile on his face. He couldn't believe it.

Spock entered the medbay with haste. He saw you lying on a biobed and he calmly made his way over. You turned your head sideways and looked at the man and smiled as he approached your bedside. “Hi, Spock” you spoke weakly. As you tried to sit upright.

The man placed his hand on your shoulder and gently pushed you back down towards the bed “please Y/N lie down you must rest, you were without sufficient oxygen for a substantial amount of time.”

You gave in and lay back down, staying silent for a moment. “Thank you for saving me, Spock.”

The man looked down at you “there is no need to thank me.”

You went quiet again and fidgeted with your hands “Spock, why did you do it? Why did you save me?”

The man looked you in the eyes “I will not lie to you Y/N. The act in saving you was not the most logical choice, however.” The man hesitated for a second “I believe I have, as humans say, developed feelings for you. I saw you in the beginning as both a colleague and a friend now I believe I feel something more.  I cannot be certain though as I do not know what it is supposed to feel like. Therefore, I would suggest that we.” He paused again “see how things go.” He raised an eyebrow as he finished his speech.

You smiled up at the man “I feel the same way too Spock. We'll continue what we've been doing and see how it goes. If that's ok with you?”

The man nodded “that would be best as I do not wish to jeopardise our friendship if things were not to work out. I truly enjoy our conversations and time together.” There was a small silence “You must rest, I'll leave and come back later” the man turned to leave.

You put your arm out and gently grabbed the arm of his jacket “this might sound selfish but I don't want to be alone. Will you stay and talk?”  

Spock faced you again and took a seat in the chair next to your bed “If you wish. I shall stay with you for as long as you want.”

With that, the two of you fell into conversation like the many times you had before.  Tag list:   All: @allthetrek @mrscasnovak @carrie-85 (Tag lists are open)

[fanfics-await-you]

Sometimes It Comes Down to a Choice (Part 4)

Pairing: Christopher Pike x Female OC

Takes place some point in the future after the events of the Red Angel

Summary: Alina has always carried a secret flame for her Captain and she's always known that it could never lead anywhere. However, the combination of a party and some drunken words might just make that a little more complicated. The only problem, everything just seems to be going wrong. Who knows, maybe a proper goodbye is just what they need.

Tags: angst, injury, a pair of dumbasses unnecessarily complicating things, mild blood

Notes: I like my characters to be strong and have stories and relationships in their own right. Like, I just don't like writing stories where they justs exist for the romance. I find it…eh. also, i've been without internet so i still haven't seen the finale!

Also, thank you everyone for the kind reviews and support! I've really appreciated it!

Word Count: 2,328

masterlist

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

———

Ba-bump.

Ba-bump.

Ba-bump.

All I can grasp is agony. It's in the strands of my DNA, it's the only thing holding me together, it's all I know.

Ba-bump.

My heartbeat is as loud as a pulsating thunderclap.

Ba-bump.

I can't move. Not a single finger. I can't tell if it's the pain or the weight of the sky.

Ba-bump.

Light.

Ba-bump.

The world becomes a maelstrom of indistinguishable sensations.

Ba-bump.

Echoing shouts of meaningless sound drill into my skull.

Ba-bump.

Without warning, someone touches me. A choked shriek more animal than human pierces the air. Somehow, I realise it must be me.

Ba-bump.

I'm being touched all over and the only reason I don't scream again is because my lungs won't fill.

Ba-bump.

The thunder is fading.

Ba-bump.

I can feel the great black swallowing me but I want to stay.

Ba-bump.

As much as it hurts, I want to stay.

Ba-bump.

The dark doesn't care. It devours me anyway.

———

I'm warm.

It's the first feeling that my mind conjures. Slowly, the physicality of the world comes into focus underneath my skin. The tickle of my hair against my neck, the light press of a blanket across my legs, my fingers curling into a weak fist against the sheets; I allow the sensations to wash over me without judgement. The absence of pain is a welcome but deeply alien lightness. Once I've taken some steady breaths and feel sure that I can take whatever lays beyond me, I open my eyes.

A medbay?

No, not a medbay. I recognise this place.

Everything is still too foggy for thoughts to come easily but any panic that had been growing in my chest dissipates. It's safe and it's home and that's enough.

"Hi Alina."

I turn to blearily look at the man next to me. Dr Culber…

"Hugh?"

His face breaks into a huge smile like I've performed some miracle.

"You have no idea how good it is to see you awake."

…Maybe I have.

"What happened?" He helps me sit up as my muscles ache from disuse.

He scratches his head apprehensively before starting, "I should alert the crew…Shit, the captain."

I shake my head before I find my voice, "No, not yet. I-I need answers first."

Hugh seems unsure but sits next to me on the bed anyway, "I guess there's the question of how much you remember?"

I furrow my brow, "I remember running for the surface and then-" my fingers go to the bandage on my forehead-"something hit me. I went down. Then there was a lot of pain, and now we're here."

He brushes my hair away from the bandage gently, "It's mostly healed but I wanted to wait for your permission to remove the scar…I know how much they can mean to people."

I nod gently but say nothing.

Hugh continues, "We found you not long after the bunker's collapse. We managed to track your bio-sign and use the Discovery's tractor beam to clear away the debris. Almost all of your bones and organs had sustained trauma and you were clinging onto life. You've been in a coma for four days to give your body time to heal and…"

"To see if I would wake up?"

"Yeah. I knew you would, though. You've always been a fighter, Alina."

He pauses to take a deep breath and it settles like a heavy weight in my throat.

"If you hadn't stayed conscious for so long, or had been much deeper underground or any number of things, we wouldn't have been able to find you. But you'd nearly made it to the surface all by yourself…Your fingers were bloody from trying to climb out."

The quiet admiration on his face is enough to make me tear up. I feel him take my hand.

"You saved yourself, Alina."

A little hiccuping sob sneaks out.

"Not that anyone was surprised by that."

This time, a breathy snort slips out.

A silence settles between us for a little while as Hugh holds my hand and I find my calm.

"Can I go back to my quarters?"

He seems surprised, "I mean, yes, after some tests…People will want to know you're awake."

I close my eyes for a moment, "I know but I-I just can't right now…I need some time to process first. Just say that I'm okay if people ask but that I need some space."

"…I understand…Well, sit still and I'll go get my diagnostic tool."

I lean back against the pillows.

"So, first question: the scar?"

"How does it make me look?"

"Like an absolute badass."

For the first time in a while, I feel a smile curl across my face, "Well then I've got to keep it."

———

Sleep is elusive with dreams of my dirt-filled lungs keeping it at bay. So instead I'm sitting by my window and try to piece together some answers from the stars before me. Unfortunately, they're not saying much.

I survived.

It just doesn't feel concrete, like this is my mind's final comfort and any minute the world will fall away. Absentmindedly, I trace the thin scar mirroring my eyebrow. If anything, this mark is the only thing grounding me right now.

The gentle ring of the doorbell breaks my trance. I quietly sigh. The ship's day-lighting had flared not long ago; I knew someone would come past soon enough.

"Door."

However, I am not prepared for Chris to be on the other side of the door.

For a couple of seconds, he doesn't move. His expression is somehow two parts admiration, one part grief. I feel the weeks apart slip off my shoulders like sandbags. I don't care that he won't- can't -choose me. The sliver of me concerned about pride or dignity has melted away. I don't know if this is forgiveness or simply acceptance.

"Chris?" the word is both pleading and unsure.

I stand too quickly and the room becomes painted with technicolour streaks of black. The fear that everything will dissolve into darkness surges up my throat and I squeeze my eyes shut to stave off the panic. Before I can fall, strong hands are holding me upright. Instinctively, my hands go to his shoulders and I lean closer. It's a couple of darting breaths before I can open my eyes. I'm met by vibrant blue eyes lined with warmth and concern.

"Are you alright?" Chris' voice is interwoven with worry.

I nod, unable to find words or take my eyes off him.

The strong grip at my arm and waist are an anchor but I still don't know what to say to him. There's so much that I couldn't say but now can that is haunting the tip of my tongue.

"I am so sorry, Alina."

"No-"

"I should never have pushed you away."

"I-"

"I should never have put you at risk."

"That's-"

"You should never have had to put your life on the line."

"I made-"

"A choice. I know. But-"

"Chris," I cut through his flood of words.

I cautiously brush a thumb across his cheek just to feel his skin. His eyes search mine- for what, I don't know.

"There's no need to apologise. There never was. You've always done what you thought you had to. It's something I've always…respected about you." I don't stop drawing patterns against his cheek.

Chris closes his eyes and lightly leans into my hand. I take the moment to study the lines of his face. The bone-deep weariness drawn across his features cracks something within me and finally the words find a way out.

"When I was down there, waiting for the countdown…I only thought about one thing."

Chris' eyebrows furrow and his eyes open to meet my gaze in silent question.

What I would give to kiss him one last time.

I would truly give anything just to have him here, holding my hand, as the world ends.

I lean forward until our foreheads meet. He gently nudges me back, brushing our noses together, in a familiar, simple movement that ruptures the floodwall. Tears begin to fall before I find the strength to speak.

My voice cracks, "How much I wanted to come back to you."

Chris' hands come to frame my face but I screw my eyes shut. I can't bear to look at him anymore. I can't bear to know that he will always be right there but never mine.

The words cascade out of me without regard, "I know that this can't happen but I need you to listen, to know what you mean to me. You gave me the strength to stare death in the face. You were the one I wanted to run back to, those weapons be damned. You were the person I wanted by my side when I thought my time was up…I choose you, Chris, even if you can't choose me."

"Alina…"

"Chris, please, I don't want pity, I coul-"

"Sometimes it comes down to a choice," his voice is quiet but steady.

I dare to open my eyes. He bears a tentative smile that I can't help but gently return through the persisting tears.

Please, please, please.

"Sometimes you make the wrong decision. Sometimes you lose the only thing that ever really mattered and you have to bear that regret for the rest of your life…but sometimes, if you're truly lucky, you get the chance to try again."

The hope in my chest is expanding with every breath. I'm trying to not grin, to not prematurely celebrate a moment that's not yet mine, but I'm failing. Instead, I take one of his hands in mine and gently press it to my mouth in a lingering kiss to hide my budding smile. Chris tucks back a stray strand of my hair as his own grin grows from hesitant to glowing. I am suddenly struck by the symmetry of this moment with the last time we were this close and find myself praying that this story will end differently.

"Alina, it was unfair of me to think that you would ever make me choose between you and our crew. I underestimated you and for that, I am sorry…I also know that I caused you pain and I know that you said you wouldn't wait around for me to come to my senses but-"

I don't let him finish.

I pull Chris tighter against me as I bring his lips to mine. This time he tastes ever-so-slightly of honey and I want to drown in it, in him. He presses back against me like he's the one drowning and it gives me a little thrill that I am so wanted. Chris' hands dig into my shoulder and back, and his strength is probably the only thing keeping me on my feet. I can feel every line of his body against me and the pressure against the aches of my injuries is nothing short of delicious. The fevered beat of Chris' heart echoes beneath my fingers and every pulse further washes away my fears. This is real, I am alive, we're going to be okay. I break away first but the very welcome cage of his arms means I don't go far.

"I know you Christopher Pike, you don't need to apologise to me for trying to do the right thing."

Maybe I'm forgiving or risking more than I should but I love Chris. With every fallible, mortal, and adoring part of me, I love him. He nods, his face still unsure. Gently, I brush my thumb across his brow and smooth out the worry lines before going up on my tiptoes to plant a soft kiss on his forehead. Chris' arms tighten at my waist but his eyes are bright. He leans in for another kiss but I place a single finger against his lips, making him pause. His puzzled expression is enough to make me laugh but what I need to say sobers me slightly. I take a step back as Chris continues to look on in confusion. Slowly, I place a splayed hand just above his heart and take a moment to admire how alive he feels beneath my fingers before I speak.

"I choose you, Chris. In this life, the next, all of them, whatever I don't care- I choose you. I-I love you."

His expression almost makes me cry again simply because no one has ever looked at me like Chris does, like I put the stars in the sky. Steadily, his hand comes to mirror mine and rest just above my heart.

"I've loved you since you saved me back on Kaminar. I choose you, Alina Osborne, and I'll follow you to the ends of the universe if you let me."

This time when Chris leans in for a kiss, I don't stop him. The taste of his smile against mine is enough to wash away the weight of the world.

[tornrose24]

I remember how someone on here once joked about CU singing ‘Popular’ to Krupp like in Wicked... Hmm... a Wicked AU, or a Wizard of Oz AU ? ... Ah heck, why not combine both?

What would I call it to make life easier…. cu oz/wicked au?

(Also, I tried to present optional possibilities for both the Egg Casserole fans and the Kruppants fans in the Wicked section. Mainly because I’m very aware just how popular the ElphabaxGlinda ship is and I want to offer that possibility to those who will take over their parts too).

George and Harold: Both share the role of Dorothy. I’d imagine they came from either an 1930’s or 1990’s era Piqua when a tornado suddenly took them to a land beyond the rainbow. As strange and fun as Oz is, they know that they need to get back home as soon as possible... especially considering the fact Heidi hid with them during the storm. Instead of ruby slippers, they end up with a pair of bands that contain powerful magic.

Heidi: Ended up with the role of Toto and carries a dog plushie with her to symbolize that. Both George and Harold (but especially Harold) are protective of her when things get out of hand, but she’s also a lot tougher than she looks.

CU: Glinda–oh come on, you knew where this was going. He helps the boys and Heidi out, but he can’t join them because he has other matters to attend to, though that won’t stop him from helping however he can... just don’t trust him to give you proper directions on where you need to go. Also three words: Sparkly cape and underpants. You’re welcome.

Krupp: The Wicked Witch.... yup, I forced him into an antagonist’s role yet again. On one hand it’s because he has to be and because it’s funny. On the other it makes sense when... well, I’ll elaborate more on the Wicked portion of the AU.

???: The scarecrow. Note that revealing the identity of who I chose for the role will spoil a major story element from Wicked. If you don’t want the musical to be spoiled, don’t read the Wicked AU section down below. if you are ok with learning about the spoiler, you can click the keep reading link down below.

Kipper: The Tin Man. I know it’s an odd choice, but he always had that key and he’s someone who could learn to grow a heart. Otherwise I’d be open to Melvin in this role instead. My reason for this choice also ties to how the Wicked section comes into play.

Tommy: The cowardly lion. Ah come on, you know how that kid acts when he sees Krupp and he seems right for the role. He could get braver the longer he’s with the little group.

Melvin: The lead flying monkey (or, as Wicked fans might recall, Chistery). Or else he’d invent a flying machine that has that name. His family is in service to Krupp due to something he did for them in the past. I wouldn’t mind if someone thinks Kipper would be a better fit for this role instead, but I have my reasons.

Poopypants: The wizard. Yup, I had to go there. He just seems like a good fit.

Ok, so how does the Wicked storyline tie into the Oz AU? Click the keep reading tab for how certain roles get expanded.

Krupp: So I can see him having VERY loose similarities to Elphaba. He might of had a not so easy life due to having the same skin condition she had (and we throw in the fangs and freakish strength for the heck of it because, believe it or not, Elphaba actually HAD sharp teeth when she was an infant in the book, so this could work) OR alternatively he looks normal until his negative emotions get the best of him and changes his appearance (like what happened to the Witch in Once upon a Time) OR neither one–his temper always got in the way and he wasn’t good with making friends. In this AU’s equivalent of Shiz, he was working on getting his Masters in Education, but him having magic also caught the interest of a few staff members who wanted him to develop his powers and work for the Wizard one day. There was a time where, despite having a quick temper and being hasty, he genuinely wanted to teach kids and be someone who could be there for them when it seemed that others would not. A discovery of a plot by the Wizard lead to him being framed as a villain, forcing him to be on the run. A series of events and misunderstandings would gradually harden his heart and he’d allow himself to embrace what everyone made him out to be. (Also, I REALLY want to hear Ed Helms sing Defying Gravity right now.)

CU: Would be Glinda for obvious reasons, but much nicer and a bit more ditzier even at the very beginning. About the same age as Krupp, but it took him longer to get to the University because he’s not very book smart. CU is more interested in magic than Krupp is at first, but wants to use such powers to help those who aren’t as fortunate. He gets on Krupp’s nerves and his a lot more popular than him, but an act of kindness brought them together and for awhile they were genuinely good friends who helped support each other. (If you wanted to go the Kruppants route, they harbored feelings for each other, but CU was more open about it). Unfortunately upon also discovering the plot of the Wizard, CU chose to stay behind instead of go with Krupp to see if he could undo the damage and clear his friend’s name. Upon graduating, he began to work solo to fulfill his own goals, though the Wizard and his minions have been keeping a close eye on him. He keeps Krupp from taking the bands from the boys because he was afraid of what would happen if Krupp had too much power, but he failed to realize what the Wizard would force the boys to do until it was almost too late.

Jasper: Nessarose, of course, but he doesn’t have either of the birth defects she has in the book or musical. He was in Shiz University for about a year or two when Krupp was getting his Masters and by this point he met his future wife. Because of his kind nature/ being born normal, he was more well loved in his family than Krupp was, though he idolized his brother and refused to believe that he was as evil as he was made out to be. Unfortunately, there was a tragic incident that would end the brotherly love. Many years after Krupp was declared a villain, he came back to his brother for help to try to end the Wizard’s reign. While it was a heartfelt reunion at first, Kipper (whose his usual spoiled, not-so-pleasant self at the time) came upon his uncle’s spell book and decided to mess around with it, and as a consequence accidentally casted a spell on himself that turned him into a metallic being. Krupp was unable to undo the spell before Kipper ran away and his brother threw him out in anger. There was never a chance to reconnect and Jasper was too angry to give Krupp the bands that could have aided him.

Edith: Fiyero, except maybe she’s a tad closer to the book version, but still a member of the main ruling family of the west. THIS was why I didn’t want to reveal the identity of the scarecrow at first. I estimate that she’s about 10-15 years younger than Krupp, so when she was invited to Shiz University for a few weeks (her family had ties to the school, since they want to send future rulers to the best schools) she was between ages 10 to 15 when she met Krupp, who was encouraged to tutor her to boost his resume. She wasn’t as book smart as her family, but the two developed an unlikely friendship, especially since she saw past his exterior. They’d meet again many years later when Edith was forced into an engagement with one of the Wizard’s minions, which neither her or her family wanted since they were against him, but they had no choice if they wanted to keep his control away from the west. (Yeah, so she’s not engaged to CU like in the musical because I doubt the circumstances would have been the same). Krupp was able to get her out of it in exchange for her family’s aid and while the two were surprised to see each other again, their old friendship resumed once more (and, if you want to go the Egg Casserole route, it of course grew into something much more than what either of them were ready for). Sadly, in an attempt to protect Krupp, Edith was captured by the Wizard’s guards when her family was overthrown. Their torture left her with burn scars on her hands, no memories of her life, and an extreme phobia of fire for reasons she can’t understand. She’d eventually come across a group of children just trying to get home and would join them in hopes of recovering her own memories. Unfortunately, Krupp was left with the idea that she had been killed and it was one of the final turning points to make him embrace the evil person everyone made him out to be.

Ribble: She seems perfect for Madam Morrible, though with less of the fake motherly-ness. She was the one who kept an eye on both Krupp and CU (and didn’t really expect much out of CU due to his seemingly idiotic nature) at the University and let the Wizard know about them.

Poopypants: Ok, so I said he’d be the Wizard, but unlike the musical, he’s NOT Krupp’s biological dad (Oh dear lord would that be odd. Though, if you want the green skin route, Krupp’s mom could have agreed to an experimentation for some extra money that involving drinking the miracle elixir). He wants to go through with his plan to annihilate laughter and/or make a ray that’ll make children prone to becoming violent to keep people from knowing that he’s not actually magical... as well as what his real name is, because you KNOW that wouldn’t be good for a ruler. When Krupp destroys everything, he opts to frame Krupp as someone out to ruin him and take over Oz with evil intentions to keep that attention on something else.

Anyway, it was something I did just for fun. As usual, I don’t mind sharing ideas with anyone else who is interested (though knowing me, I’d be more into developing the version that has Egg Casserole in it. I can do my best with the Kruppants one, even if I’m not a huge fan of it myself).

[unfoldingmoments]

Life Beyond Knowledge

TEDxYouth@LakeManalapan  by Master Shi Heng Yi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLY76-NBBxQ

Some of us are still lucky having parents a teacher or a mentor that are sharing with us their knowledge and experience and give us guidance but there will be the moment when the only person left to rely on is yourself

It is therefore my first suggestion to question and ask yourself

how can i learn to properly navigate without guidance in the previous talk my aim was to encourage people to spend some time investigating the different mental states that your mind can find itself in with the proper methods and a dedicated amount of practice.

You will be able to develop and cultivate yourself in such a way that your mind regains the ability to discover and realize things that you haven't been able to see before

Now just take a moment to imagine you're the captain on the ship located on the vast ocean what you are facing is stormy weather dark and heavy clouds and the ship is carried along the up and downs of the waves in such a situation i strongly trust that it is not enough to purely rely your actions on intellectual knowledge

It is a great asset if you are able to learn and read the signs of the ocean and be able to see the chances that are beyond any learned knowledge to sharpen the senses and being able to see possibilities beyond what the eyes are able to see

This truly is a sign of right knowledge. Now not everyone wants to become a sailor and not everyone is facing the same circumstances and the same situations but there are methods and there are insights that can make it possible and easy for us to safely find our way in order to shed light to the world indeed there is a saying

There is one earth that we are living on but billions of different worlds are existing on it before we continue to go deeper into the possibilities

Let me introduce you to the world where I am coming from

when is the time that i can direct my life

It is exactly now the greatest challenge but also the most difficult one that will bring out the most outstanding discoveries is to cultivate and master yourself

To regain control we must train the mind to be more present to live in the here and now and to find the answers within ourselves to perceive every moment as they are and to feel the most subtle changes within to continuously work on it that is the essential practice “What does my body what do my feelings want to tell me right now?”

The martial art is an instrument. An instrument able to teach us many things about ourselves and about the way of life

All practices have one single goal to regain balance starting step by step with the small things in life and to implement these principles with the purpose of bringing out the best of ourselves

the master guides the way but the student walks him

—

there are many ways for the expression of the shaolin way of life

it can be calligraphy it can be the buddhist practices but the most well-known expression today is the martial arts

regardless of their appearance the ultimate goal remains the same it is to explore and discover the potential that lies within the human body and especially mind

Our body is regarded as the vehicle that transports us from place to place therefore a great amount of time is dedicated to the practice and exploration of ourselves when you are starting your first steps in the shaolin kung fu

it is often also known as walking through the valley of pain because at some extent and at some point dependent on your level of practice

it is impossible to ignore all the different layers of perception that your body and mind is going through

we think we know our body but being perfectly honest we don't

there is so much more to learn so much more to know ever since we are looking for answers now

please apologize if you're misunderstanding what i'm about to say but

despite the common opinion that the shaolin teachings are derived from religious background they are not

let's assume you're asking me how is the weather today

i could answer the forecast said it's raining

the newspaper said it is cloudy

my mother told me it is stormy

if i rely on the forecast

i'm wrong if i rely on the newspaper

i'm wrong there can only be

one real answer which is not

based upon belief or any

conceptualized idea

it is by watching up the sky answering

so therefore the next suggestion i would like you to consider is derive answers from action and experience and don't rely them on intellectual knowledge and conceptualized ideas

now talking about conceptualized ideas, i would like to share with you a final story who would have guessed is another mountain

in ancient times, it has been a great honor being able to walk along

one master site with the only obligation to not talk

so the story goes that master lautzer took one of his disciples on a walk to take a glimpse at the early morning sunrise when they arrive just on time. When the first sunrays meet their eyes, the student is filled with such a joy that he speaks out. This is so beautiful when they returned back master lautzer never took the student for a walk again because

no matter how many words you speak

no matter how many sentences you write down

experience cannot be replaced by words

words are limited sentences are limited books and stories are limited

their only purpose is to guide and confirm your findings but these findings must come by your personal experience

It is your actions it is your behaviour. It is the small & subtle movements that serve as the ultimate expression of your understanding

to summarise this talk and as a guideline for yourself to keep in mind

these are the 3 points to be remembered

Take full responsibility in your hands & learn how to properly navigate. Observe more, free from judgment, free from discriminating, lessen the ignorance and try to create immersive and integral moments, & lastly practice to see and also hear beyond the obvious things

This world is not going to remember you by your personal achievements, It is going to remember you by the contribution that you have given to this world.

May all of us be blessed with the greatness of life thank you

[writesandramblings]

The Captain’s Secret - p.100

“The Captain’s Secret”

A/N: Concludes episode 15, "Will You Take My Hand?" Any resemblance to a certain deleted scene you might have seen on Youtube... that's not coincidental, it's that the show writers essentially reached the same conclusion I did. I just did not write fast enough to get my version posted before theirs. I realize no one has any reason to believe me on this count, but it's true!

Two more chapters and then we're done. Also, this is farewell to O'Malley and Groves, but say hello to a familiar face you probably didn't expect to hear from again.

Full Chapter List Part 1 - Objects in Motion << 99 - Sigh No More 101 - The Memory of Your Heart >>

Locked away in the bowels of Discovery, Lorca could only guess at the details of Discovery's present mission. He was aware when the spore drive engaged, jumping them to a location that made the ship creak under pressure, and aware when they jumped again, but entirely ignorant as to what happened in-between.

Lalana, however, was watching and listening to the bridge, so she heard when Burnham contacted Discovery from the surface of Qo'noS to inform them that what they thought was a mapping mission to locate military vulnerabilities was in fact an attempt to detonate a hydro bomb in an active volcano chain and cause an explosion that would render the whole of the planet uninhabitable. Worse, the bomb was already too far within the planet's crust to extract.

It was, to Saru and the rest of the bridge crew, an unthinkable atrocity. "Is this how Starfleet wins the war?" Burnham demanded of Cornwell. "Genocide?"

Cornwell was gone from Discovery now, back at Starfleet's current temporary command, far from the front lines where her tendency to freeze on the bridge would not undermine the efficacy of an active starship. Lalana listened as Cornwell responded to Burnham's criticisms by defending the decision as a necessary atrocity. "We do not have the luxury of principles!"

Saru rose from the captain's chair. "We are Starfleet," he said. Around him, Detmer, Owosekun, Bryce, and the rest of the bridge crew rose in support of their acting captain. They had been to another universe where humans committed these kinds of atrocities and they were determined to prove that they were different from the Terrans in every way that counted.

"What is it you're suggesting?" asked Cornwell, registering shame as she realized her proposal to destroy Qo'noS was more of a threat to Starfleet than the Klingon incursion. The Klingons could only physically destroy the institutions of the Federation. Cornwell's plan threatened to destroy the Federation's soul.

There was no reversing the course of the bomb, but they could give control of it to someone who could use the bomb's presence as a bargaining chip against the many disparate Klingon houses.

L'Rell was surprised when they returned her clothes to her and released her from the brig—even more surprised when they handed her the detonator controlling the bomb and told her what it was. "Klingons respond to strength. Use the fate of Qo'noS to bend them to your will," instructed Burnham. "Preserve your civilization rather than watching it be destroyed."

L'Rell had once followed T'Kuvma, a visionary who believed in a united Klingon Empire, all houses working together under a single banner of strength. She still believed in that ideal. Now she possessed a tool that would enable her to see this vision made manifest. L'Rell wondered what part her scarred friend from the brig had played in orchestrating this moment. From where she stood, her freedom seemed to be the culmination of Petrellovitz's promise, and more.

She stood before the assembled houses, revealed that she held the power to destroy Qo'noS in the palm of her hand, and the war ended not with the destruction of a planet, but with something almost approaching diplomacy.

"Prepare for transport" was the only warning given. Light shimmered around Lorca and Groves and they rematerialized in a proper guest room with windows and real seating. After what had been a long and exhausting night, the beam-out genuinely felt like escaping from a hole.

Saru was waiting for them. "Apologies for not releasing you sooner, a great deal has transpired. The war is over." This was a slight oversimplification. There were still Klingon stragglers, a few houses resistant to the idea of giving up on so glorious a victory even when their planet's fate depended on it, but the larger part of the Klingon forces had withdrawn.

"How?" asked Lorca. He watched Groves turn greenish at hearing how Cornwell had ordered the annihilation of Qo'noS. It was, Lorca silently thought, a tactically sound plan, as much as it reeked of Georgiou. Still. Some part of him was relieved it had not panned out exactly as intended. Discovery's crew—his crew—had held fast at the crucial moment. He hoped that rankled Georgiou. "Where is she now?"

"She has been released, as per her agreement with Starfleet."

It seemed unthinkable. Georgiou was being allowed to go free and impersonate herself in this universe. "And my agreement?" said Lorca.

"Arrangements are being made. I am not privy to the details."

Sighing, Lorca shook his head in disbelief. Cornwell had essentially taken everything he wanted and given it to Georgiou, right down to winning the war and being the great hero everyone would remember until the end of time.

"Now what?" asked Groves.

They were at Tri-Rho Nautica, the last remaining active Federation shipyard. It had become a crucial Starfleet installation, its repair facilities the only thing keeping the remaining one-third of the fleet operational, and more resources had been committed to its defense than almost anywhere else.

Now, the engineers at the shipyard were preparing to dismantle Discovery's spore drive and revert Lab 26 to its original design specifications.

"Whoa," said Groves to that. "Hold on. Does Mac know about this?"

Saru was reluctant to answer the question, but he did. "Colonel O'Malley is presently unavailable."

"Well, one of us has to be there!" Groves exclaimed. "Can I—can I be excused?"

Cornwell had ordered Groves and Lorca confined to Groves' room, but Cornwell was gone and word had come that no charges were being sought against Groves. "You may."

"'Unavailable?'" Lorca asked pointedly when Groves was gone. In the back of his mind, he was still mulling over the decommission of the spore drive. That had been his last and best chance of getting back home.

"I..." Saru pressed his fingers together. It was difficult to admit that he wanted to consult a man who had turned out to be a fake Starfleet captain, but for almost a year, Saru's captain was what Lorca had been. "I wish to ask you something. I am aware that you are close with Colonel O'Malley. I believe I may have made an error in telling him something..."

Lorca listened quietly. It helped a bit, having someone else's problems to focus on. When Saru was done, Lorca said, "You made the right call."

"He is... devastated. I did not realize it until recently, but Emellia was his sister."

"He never told you?" said Lorca, surprised.

Saru turned away, slightly annoyed. "I take it then that he did tell you." It had been Groves, actually, at that abortion of a dinner, but Lorca only nodded. Saru remained looking away from Lorca and brought his hands together. The situation clearly disturbed him. "I had thought the colonel and I were friends. It appears I was mistaken."

Lorca's tongue clicked lightly. "I wouldn't take it personally. He didn't like people knowing."

"Cadet Tilly was aware."

That sounded entirely bizarre to Lorca, but then, everything connected to Lab 26 tended to be. "I don't know what to say, Saru."

"I wish he had trusted me," said Saru.

"Sometimes... Sometimes it's not about the person you're lying to. By not telling you, he made it so there was one place he didn't have to be her brother. My guess is he was lying to himself."

Saru realized that statement applied just as much to Lorca as it did O'Malley. It was an entirely unintentional self-description, but it put into context many of Lorca's actions during his time commanding Discovery. "I am sorry."

"Sorry?" echoed Lorca, eyebrow raising and face twisting into a demand for something less nebulous than three generalized words.

"That you did not trust me with your secret."

Lorca considered that. "I would've," he said in a way that sounded like a promise. Out of everyone on the ship, Saru impressed him the most. The Kelpien had risen to the challenge of serving as first officer with bravery, intelligence, and compassion.

Saru's fingers gracefully pressed together one after the next. "Perhaps. We will never know."

Disappointment filtered across Lorca's face at the truth of it. He might have told Saru eventually, but more likely he was still lying to his former first officer and himself. He had always been too afraid of the consequences of telling anyone. Fear was the great constant in the Terran Empire and despite all the months in the Federation, he had yet to find a way to escape the emotion. Maybe in time he would have found the strength to tell the truth, or maybe he would have pushed aside the universe of his origin and hidden in the life belonging to the other Lorca forever. Instead, here they were in this moment, and neither thing was true.

"You look like death," was Lorca's greeting.

"Thanks," said O'Malley bitterly, despondent as he stared at some imagined point on the floor.

In all honesty, they both did at this point. Lorca was haggard from not getting enough sleep and O'Malley from getting entirely too much of it in sickbay—and both had received enough bad news in the past twenty-four hours to thoroughly remove whatever vestige of hope they had remaining.

At least Lorca was being permitted to keep the guest quarters for the moment, and Saru had been amenable to stocking it with a few necessities like clean clothes and bourbon. "Drink?"

O'Malley did not answer. Lorca poured out two drinks anyway and offered O'Malley one. O'Malley reached over, took the whole bottle, and went and sat in an armchair. With a faint shrug, Lorca tipped the first cup into the second and sat down on the couch opposite.

"You have some questions, I imagine."

O'Malley didn't drink from the bottle. He hugged it to his chest, one hand firmly gripping the neck. "No one could tell me what happened. Implant... overload?"

"Sort of," said Lorca, taking a deep breath. For the second time he found himself trying to explain Mischkelovitz's actions and falling far short. O'Malley stared off into space as he listened. Lorca concluded with, "I told her not to."

"Told her?" said O'Malley, voice soft and small. "You told her not to do it. You just... told her." His head shook back and forth. A tear rolled down his cheek and plinked quietly onto the bottle. He finally looked over at Lorca with a look of pained accusation. "You should have stopped her!"

"I tried," lied Lorca, because while he had attempted to talk Mischkelovitz out of it, some part of him had not wanted to stop her and he had failed to do the one thing he knew would have worked: woken O'Malley up.

O'Malley curled around the bottle. The inanimate object was probably more affectionate than his new fake sister Petrellovitz would be in the long run.

The explanation was not the main reason Lorca had summoned O'Malley. Mischkelovitz had died and Lorca felt obliged to fulfill her request. "She asked me to tell you something. A message. 'Just as much.'"

Closing his eyes, O'Malley exhaled until he could exhale no more. Words emerged in a soft, high-pitched trickle. "I never said it, did I. It seemed... I didn't hear it growing up and the first time I did say it was to a girl I had a crush on and she ran for the hills. Fair enough, I was a scrawny, spotty thing, it was entirely unrequited, and as you've pointed out, I don't look much better nowadays. But after that, it seemed... impossible to say, and when she said it to me, I couldn't say it back. I started saying 'just as much' and it became our thing. That way I never had to say it. I just said those stupid words instead."

O'Malley drank from the bottle at last, taking a hefty swig. Lorca sipped at his own drink. There was an additional fact in there that O'Malley kept to himself. Lorca had said "just as much" when they first met. A casual three-word utterance that had amused O'Malley with its accidental relevance and set off a cascade of events that Lorca would have ascribed to fate.

"How did I go twenty years without ever telling my sister I loved her?"

"Mac," said Lorca, shaking his head and actually smiling in amusement. For all the hours of entertainment Mischkelovitz had given him on the lab security monitors, he decided to fix at least one thing for her and her brother. "You told her you loved her every day and she heard you. It's not the words you say. It's the words you mean. That's what she wanted to tell you."

The words were an effective consolation to O'Malley. He drank again, just a small taste this time, and asked, "How are you holding up?"

Lorca lifted his cup as if toasting and said proudly, "One piece, thanks." It wasn't really an answer because the last thing Lorca wanted to do right now was think about his own problems, which seemed insurmountable. He would rather enjoy the distraction of O'Malley's. "So, tell me. Anton?"

There was only one person that question could have come from. "Please tell me you're not willingly making yourself messenger of John's torture."

"Depends. I told you my story. Seems you left a few things out of yours."

"I'm going to kill John."

Lorca snorted. "No, you're not."

"But I should."

"No argument here."

O'Malley sighed and gave Lorca what he wanted, as always. "James Narvic was the face of QORYA and the impetus for its creation. Anton Nguyen was... You could call him the shadow master of the whole thing. He was handsome, charismatic, suave, deadly smart, and slippery. Could sell a man his own shoes. Little bit like you. Entirely and exactly like you. D'you know, if I saw him now, I'd still..." O'Malley sighed deeply at whatever unmentionable intent had just popped into his head. "Well, what can I say? I suppose I have a type. Tall, dark, and jackass."

Lorca imagined Groves was having a good laugh right now and grimaced. At the end of the day, even O'Malley only apparently had feelings for Lorca because he was reminded of someone else, and worse, this pretty much destroyed the tiny sliver of hope Lorca had been holding out regarding the significance of O'Malley's marital status. "I'm not gay."

"I know. Why on earth would I want something I can actually have. It's not like I'd ever leave..." O'Malley froze. He fumbled with the bottle and attached it to his mouth and left it there with the impression he had no intention of removing it. The level of bourbon in the bottle visibly dropped by a quarter. Lorca reached over and pulled the bottle away. "Oh, come on! Give it back!"

"Drink yourself to death on someone else's bottle," said Lorca.

"How many months do you suppose it took them to declare us legally dead? Two? Four? I bet Aeree didn't even wait that long."

"At least you get to go back to being alive. I don't even get that," growled Lorca, betraying for a moment the extent of his lurking fury.

O'Malley's head tilted back. The alcohol was already hitting his bloodstream and he was not paying attention to Lorca. "He was the one named them Mischka. Anton. He used to call them little mice, and in his grandmother's tongue, 'mischka' means mice. D'you know, he got out first? Cracked a deal for early release. And I was glad! I helped him get it!"

"Since when are you such a lightweight," Lorca grumbled. While a quarter of a bottle was a lot of bourbon to imbibe in one go, O'Malley had never demonstrated such an embarrassingly quick and low tolerance before. Unbeknownst to Lorca, the last time O'Malley had eaten was in another universe, and then his meal had consisted of a fortune cookie. He was operating on several days of IV fluids at this point.

"When I met you, it was like, here we go again. I knew you from the first minute... Have you ever seen something so clearly you know what's about to happen and you're powerless to avert it?"

Powerless was not something Lorca typically felt. Fear, yes, but something within him always told him he had the power to change things and shape his own destiny. Even now when people were telling him he had to be dead to history and he felt like this was the end of everything, that inner drive remained, suggesting there was some way to wriggle out of this to a fate less awful. It was the only thing keeping him going. "Nope."

"Do you know my favorite part of it all? The way you compartmentalized us, controlled who had what information at what times. It was brilliant! I know. Turns out I don't mind being compartmentalized. I'm not that claustrophobic. It's nice to have a little something to myself now and again."

Lorca decided to call Saru. Forget distraction, forget whatever Mischkelovitz thought Lorca was going to do to "fix" O'Malley, this was an abject mess he had no interest in dealing with. "Computer, contact—"

The door chimed. Lorca allowed entry, expecting this would clear the problem up entirely, because only Groves and Saru knew Lorca was in here and both of them were capable of taking O'Malley off his hands.

The woman who walked in was entirely unfamiliar to Lorca. He had never seen her before in either universe. She was medium-height, in her sixties, with a short shock of latte-white hair and a strong jaw. Her uniform indicated she was a vice admiral, but Lorca had studied the command structure of Starfleet down to the level of its captains as part of his subterfuge and had not encountered her anywhere in it.

O'Malley turned to see what Lorca was looking at and jumped unsteadily to his feet. "General Myers!"

No wonder he didn't recognize her, Lorca realized. This was O'Malley's mentor. She wasn't proper Starfleet, she existed somewhere in the unpublicized command structure of Internal Security.

Lieutenant General Janet Myers looked at her protégé and judged him to be drunk. "Really, Mac? It's fourteen hundred hours." She had a twang that came from somewhere deeper in the American countryside than Lorca's did.

O'Malley wavered. He looked very much like he was going to fall over and Lorca tensed, expecting O'Malley to get a well-deserved dressing-down.

Contrary to expectation, Myers dropped all pretense of formality and asked with genuine concern, "Are you okay?" O'Malley managed about two seconds before he shook his head and began crying. Myers embraced him and O'Malley blubbered something unintelligible into her shoulder. "You and your monsters."

They remained like that for a good minute, Lorca standing off to the side like an afterthought. Myers finally patted O'Malley on the back and released him, turning her attention towards Lorca. "Well," she said with something approaching wry amusement. "How are we going to spin doctor this?"

"How about in a way that gets me back my ship," said Lorca, crossing his arms to mirror the cross expression on his face.

Myers smiled faintly as she shook her head. "He's ballsy, just like you said. Here's how this works. Tit for tat. If you're straight with me, I'll be straight with you. I can get you a command, but it's not gonna be what you think. As far as regular Starfleet goes, you are dead, and from what Johnny tells me, you need to stay dead or history is gonna come knocking and she is a harsher mistress than I."

There was a lot of information to parse in that. Lorca immediately gleaned that Myers was the origin of O'Malley's little fair trade shtick and that she had come prepared to offer him something that might be commensurate with what Starfleet had given Georgiou, albeit with some additional strings attached.

"I'm listening," said Lorca, deciding he liked Myers. She was quick on the draw.

"Black ops. You're a little old for a commando, but you're good with tactics. There are places the Federation wants to influence that we don't exactly have jurisdiction. Complete disavowal of your actions. New cover identity. No allowances made for contacting anyone from your old life. That won't be a problem, will it?"

Lorca started to smile. "What old life?"

O'Malley was stricken. Myers caught the look, frowned at her underling, and said, "You know the rules, Mac. No more pets."

"But—"

"I already let you have the one."

This was not the answer O'Malley wanted. He started crying again, partly because he knew his wife had abandoned him for dead months ago in this universe, partly because he was upset at the fact this was more upsetting to him right now than losing Mischkelovitz, and entirely because the alcohol had completely overtaken the IV fluids. "Then I quit! I'm done! I don't want to do this anymore."

Unphased, Myers flipped open her communicator. "Myers to Quelron. Ree, stop sniffing around the cargo bay and get in here already. Your husband is losing his shit."

The crying stopped. "Aeree?" But Myers had already closed her communicator.

"You can thank me later."

Thanks were not going to be the next thing to come out of O'Malley's mouth. His shoulders gave an involuntary jerk and he dashed to the bathroom to throw up. Lorca chuckled. This was kind of great. He tilted his head towards Myers and said, "Level with me. The reason you took Mac on, guilt? Pity?"

Myers squinted as they watched O'Malley's back through the open door. "Why would you say that?"

"The man's got no useful skills and he's a drunk, emotional wreck."

The twinkle in Myers' eye was entirely knowing. "Is that what you think? He's got the only skill that matters in our line of work. He can put himself in someone else's shoes and completely see things their way. He's taken the side of every criminal he's ever sat down with. Gives us everything we need. Without that, well, you'd be up shit creek without a paddle, wouldn't you, 'captain?'"

Lorca's lip twitched.

Myers smirked. "Course, I don't think he's coming back from this one. It was only a matter of time before he snapped and threw the baby out with the bathwater." She was remarkably frank as she essentially deconstructed O'Malley in discussion with a man she barely knew. (She knew more than Lorca realized. O'Malley was not the only person who reported to her about Lorca, and the other operative had already submitted an informative initial report.) "This is something else, though. You seem to have broken him fairly thoroughly."

"Admiral Cornwell took a few whacks first," said Lorca. His own drawl was growing more pronounced in response to Myers'. "She had him trying to serve two masters. That never ends well."

"Geez. That woman is too emotional. They both are. You know what happens when you put two people that emotional in a room together?" A beat. "If you're lucky, they run out of oxygen." She laughed quietly at her own joke.

Maybe Lorca would never have told Saru the truth, but he suddenly had the impression that if he had met Myers sooner, he would have told her because she was entirely, disarmingly appealing. He suspected this was a calculated gimmick on her part. Probably everyone felt this way when they met her. O'Malley was a fumbling, meandering mess in comparison; Myers was the master he was trying to emulate and not quite managing to.

"You're not Terran, are you? 'Cause you'd fit right in where I come from," said Lorca, meaning it as a vague disparagement.

"Thank you," said Myers, who found that idea about as disparaging as a bowl of home-cooked grits.

Lorca wondered who, where, and what Myers was in the Terran Empire and why he had never met or heard of her. Perhaps she was that rare individual whose Terran counterpart was not as formidable as this version of her. Perhaps she'd simply died before his time. Lifespans were a little shorter for Terrans on average.

They watched O'Malley move from the toilet to the sink and rinse out his mouth. Myers took a turn asking a question. "I've been wondering something myself. How'd you know that Mischkelovitz'd be the one to pull off your little plan?"

"I had one in my universe," said Lorca. The way Myers phrased it, Lorca guessed she did not know his version was the one currently on the ship.

"Only one? They're much better as a pair."

Lorca frowned thoughtfully as he recalled Emellia Mischkelovitz's desperate and likely doomed desire to unite with herself in another universe. "I think they'd agree with you, general."

O'Malley emerged from the bathroom looking slightly less worse for wear as the door chimed again. The alien who entered was grey-skinned, a full head taller than Lorca, slim and graceful, with red slits for eyes. The silken white gown she wore shifted as she moved, fabric seeming almost to float on the air. There was a statuesque beauty to her.

O'Malley was elated to see his wife, but before he could manifest this elation into some form of happy embrace, Aeree sniffed at the air and her eye slits widened almost into orbs. Her head swiveled towards Lorca. "Why do you smell like my husband!" When her mouth opened, it revealed sharklike rows of frilled teeth. The sense of ethereal beauty from five seconds earlier was completely lost.

News of the transfusion did little to quell Aeree's anger. "If you ever take my husband's blood again, I will drink every drop you contain. And you, if you ever give your blood without my permission..." This admonishment continued out into the hall. Lorca and Myers did not see the conclusion of it, which would have revealed to them both it was not a true admonishment at all.

"She's a real peach," said Lorca.

"Peach pit, more like. But she's useful. Formidable species, Misellians. I'd stay on her good side if I were you."

Lorca heard the implication in there and raised an eyebrow. "Now why would I have to do that, general?"

"Senior operative assigned to you requested my best, and Aeree is as good as they come."

"Your best person is married to O'Malley? Come on, now."

"It's an incestuous little department I run," admitted Myers, though the truth was a little more nuanced than her words belied.

Lorca snorted, enjoying the pun. "As for this senior operative... It's not a command if there's oversight. I don't need someone looking over my shoulder." As far as he was concerned, Cornwell and Terral's attempts to do just that had been part of the problem the first time around.

"Don't think of it as oversight. Think of it as backup. At least till you've learned the ropes."

"You can't call a spade an onion with me."

"And you can't have a command without some conditions. I'm not trying to put a fox in a dress here. It's a pretty reasonable request for you to work with someone we trust. So what's it gonna be?"

The engineers were already at work when Groves arrived in the lab, crating up every loose item and carting out furniture. Petrellovitz was nowhere in sight. "Who's in charge?" Groves demanded.

"I am," said a gracefully athletic woman with thin lips and faded blonde hair pulled into a bun. Her uniform identified her as a commander.

"Great. Commander..." Groves extended a hand.

"Billingsley," she supplied. She did not extend a hand in return. Instead, she glared at him with barely-restrained bitter disapproval. "Are you the one responsible for this mess?"

"No, but I am the one who's gonna help you clean it up," he grinned. She rolled her eyes at that. There was something in her glare that intrigued Groves. "I'm John, but you can call me Rove. My friends do."

Her eyes narrowed. "Are we friends?"

She was extremely defensive. Delightfully so. "No, but maybe I can take you to dinner and fix that?"

Billingsley scoffed at him and directed her underlings to fill the crates so they could begin the real work in the walls. Only once the piles of engineering detritus were gone did they begin to remove panels and the full scope of the task came into focus. The modifications requiring reversion were not restricted to Mischkelovitz's secret null time spore project. There were also the many cubbyholes she had specified in her schematics, the double-door security lock, the reinforced plating to prevent anyone from transporting into the lab and accidentally displacing Lalana, and Lalana's room itself. The engineering crew worked from the back of the lab to the front, meaning Lalana's area was the first part to go.

They did not finish the work the first day, nor did they seem to appreciate the man hanging around watching and waiting on them to finish. "Is there somewhere else you'd rather be?" asked Billingsley the following morning.

"And miss seeing your smiling face?" replied Groves. Billingsley growled and looked away, but every time she glanced over at Groves, she saw him smiling at her unreservedly.

When the engineers removed the section of wall behind Mischkelovitz's desk, her hidden sleeping alcove finally revealed itself. This was what Groves had been waiting for.

The clutter inside matched the former clutter of the lab at large. The difference was that the items in the secret room had no engineering use; they were everyday objects, a random collection of things that, at a glance, had no reason for being in there.

The largest of the collected objects was an old red guitar. Groves practically shoved the engineers out of the way to retrieve it. "She did have it!" he exclaimed, retreating with his prize. "I knew it."

"What the hell is this?" asked Billingsley, peering at the blankets and assembled objects lining the compartment.

"It's a pattern." Groves felt a momentary pang of despair. Each item represented someone of importance to Mischkelovitz. There was a set of nesting dolls belonging to Milosz's mother Agnieszka, an old leather suitcase belonging to O'Malley, a threadbare stuffed bear that had once been Milosz's, and a lock of Faiza's hair. This was Mischkelovitz's way of keeping the people she loved with her when they could not fit through the door to her hiding place. There was even a bowl Saru had eaten blueberries from and a glass tumbler O'Malley would have recognized as belonging to a set in Lorca's original quarters. "Box it up and make sure none of it gets damaged."

"I'm sorry, your rank is?" said Billingsley, glaring daggers.

"Grand Vizier," declared Groves, settling down in his chair on the other side of the room and tuning the guitar.

"You should know I have no sense of humor."

"Oh? Who told you that?"

Billingsley sniffed disdainfully and looked away. "Your friend Gabriel Lorca."

"I hate that guy!" exclaimed Groves, with such earnest emphasis it was clearly the truth. "He's wrong, by the way. I can tell you're laughing right now."

Billingsley looked at Groves again, her face seemingly impassive, her lips a thin line, but then the laughter wasn't on her lips. It was in her eyes. It had always been there, even back in 2247. Lorca had missed it entirely. Groves could see it just fine.

Groves strummed the guitar experimentally and continued tuning. Billingsley ignored him initially, but then he plucked a few notes of a tune, testing the sound, and began to play.

"Pale, pubescent beasts roam through the streets and coffee shops..."

"Do you mind? We're working," scowled Billingsley after the end of the first verse.

"Just a little accompaniment to pass the time," replied Groves, playing in an extra set of bars to keep the tune going uninterrupted. She would have interrupted during the intro if she really wanted him to stop. He resumed, "Young uniform minds in uniform lines..."

The first song ended. Groves began another. "Katherine kiss me, slippy little lips will split me, split me where your eye won't hit me..."

Billingsley pretended to ignore him. She seemed as cold and unflinching as ever to most of the people around her, but Groves could see the laugh, the smile, the pretend. When the work was finished, she sent the rest of the team away and remained behind. "Dinner," she said, spitting the word sharply at him. "One condition."

"Name it."

"Let's see your teeth."

That, Groves decided, was the most delightfully strange request imaginable and he couldn't wait to find out why she'd made it. He bared his teeth for inspection. They seemed to pass muster. Billingsley sniffed in approval and almost smiled.

"So what do I call you?" asked Groves. "Commander seems a little formal."

"Sarah," she said. They set a time and place and she left just as a lightly hungover O'Malley arrived to collect the box with Mischkelovitz's belongings.

"I'm gonna marry that woman," declared Groves, staring at the door with a delighted grin.

"Then she has my sympathy," said O'Malley, wondering how Groves could even think of such a thing while he was holding a box of everything they still had left of their sister.

The answer, of course, was that sometimes when you met someone for the first time, you just knew that you were willing to give them everything you had. Maybe because they were an alien from an unknown species asking for your help, or because they possessed a unique fearlessness even while hiding under a table, or there was a laugh hidden in their eyes only you could find, or simply because they happened to say your three favorite words. Regardless of the reason, it was the closest thing to fate there was.

At last Lalana turned up. She was so late coming he had begun to wonder if she was coming at all. "Apologies for not being here sooner, I have been very busy making arrangements."

"That's fine," said Lorca. He would have minded, but between Myers' proposal and the sobering particulars of his current situation, there had been plenty to occupy his thoughts.

He was presently sitting on the couch with his feet up, Larsson's book in hand. Groves had dropped it off as some sort of peace offering. At first, the run-on sentences had been kind of annoying, but Larsson's literary voice was moderately amusing and the Uanar-Barosic Wars were an unknown conflict in Lorca's universe, so the content in the book was all new to him. Lorca tilted the cover towards Lalana so she could see he was honoring her dead friend with his choice of reading material. "I've been keeping busy. Sorry about Larsson."

"No, you are not," said Lalana. She crossed over to Lorca in three and a half strides, stepping easily across his legs and flopping onto the couch beside him. "But that is all right. I am glad you found him in the end."

"His book anyway."

"That is the best part of him." She knew that better than anyone. "Discovery will be leaving soon, so it is also time for us to go."

"Us," said Lorca in clear judgment of the unilateral decision-making her words suggested.

"Yes. Unless you wish to live in this room for the rest of your life. I do know how much you love Discovery, so perhaps Saru would let you." She pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth, essentially biting back laughter.

"A gilded cage is still a cage." No amount of love for the ship was going to make confinement to a single room aboard it palatable. Besides, there were things on this ship Lorca was desperate to get away from. He'd come to that conclusion after a considerable amount of thought, abandoned as he had been by everyone for most of the past day.

Lalana's tail swept through the air in a whimsical circle. "Then let us fly out together."

Lorca clucked his tongue, which from him was an admonishment, not a laugh. "It's kind of you to offer, but I got some stuff brewing of my own."

"Oh? Do tell!"

He took a deep breath. "They offered me a command. Nothing fancy, few officers and a ship. Guess someone out there realized what an asset I've been for Starfleet, past nine months notwithstanding."

"But of course they do. Had we never left this universe, you would have eventually won them the war, provided Discovery remained under your command."

"Let's not relive that again," said Lorca with a grimace. The what ifs were a rabbit hole he needed to avoid for his own sanity.

"Apologies. What do you know of your new command?"

"It's an off-the-books operation, cloak and dagger. Head off into the reaches and do things the Federation wants done without anyone connecting it to them." Honestly, that was the worst part of it. Lorca knew this universe wasn't perfect, but the wide-eyed idealism here was something he admired, and this black ops business spat in the face of it.

Lalana saw a flicker of disdain. "You are not happy about this?"

"It's not very Starfleet, is it? And there's the fact it'll mean putting aside going after Georgiou, at least for now."

"Now that she is the hero of the war, I do not think you can kill Georgiou without being revealed."

"Doesn't mean I shouldn't try."

"That is exactly what it means, Gabriel."

This topic was another angry dead-end for them both. Lorca was dangerously close to snapping at Lalana even though they both knew she was neither the crux nor the cause of the problem, it was the ridiculous threat of somehow collapsing reality. That vanished holodisc was starting to make even Lorca think there was something to it. He'd been in the room the whole time and could not figure out where the disc had gone. Vanished from time was as good an explanation as any.

Lalana shifted to a different tangent. "Have you met your crew yet?"

"One of 'em, apparently, is Mac's wife. I met her. She's... hard to forget, I'll say that." (Cornwell had met Aeree once, too, and would have described her the same way.) "There's also some 'senior operative' who's supposed to oversee me. We'll see how long that lasts."

"I would expect it to last a long time. Assuming, that is, that you accept the offer. Otherwise I suppose I shall have to find something else for us to do."

He heard the plural again and began to smile. Since returning to this universe, there had been very few moments containing any sort of genuine humor. O'Malley vomiting was the closest he had come to laughing at anything. "Arrangements." He snorted and shook his head. "You..." He started laughing. "You little minx!"

Lalana's tongue clicked rapidly and her hands spun. "I am sorry, I could not resist! That was what Hayliel and I would call an effective joke."

Her security clearance, her intelligence work, her friends in high places and enduring loyalty to his face. He should have seen it coming. "How am I gonna get rid of you?"

The laughter was written on every cell of his face. Lalana saw the stars returned to his eyes. "Why, Gabriel Lorca, would you even try to?"

His laughter finally faded into a sigh. "If I’d met you in my universe, I would've killed you."

"Then it is good we met in mine."

Then another sigh, raspy and melancholy. "I don't know if I can do this. I don't fancy being some dusty footnote in history."

"Simply because you must remain hidden does not mean you cannot make a mark on history. You simply cannot make it as yourself."

"Then who am I supposed to make it as? Captain Nemo?" He did not need her to answer because the moment the name left his lips he realized the truth of it. That was exactly what he was supposed to do. That was what Nemo had done, too, in taking the name. "All right. I'm in."

Lalana watched the spreading satisfaction on his features and quietly spun her hands. He had seen a path he could run and she was ready to run it with him. "Excellent. The ship is still a few hours out. Are you enjoying Einar's book?"

"There are a lot of run-on sentences."

"Yes, that is how Einar wrote. Will you read it to me?"

"Sure." He found his place and began. "In the second quarter of the fall season three scouts of the Seventh Durallan Legion were engaged in locating a rumored source of tritanium in the Karser Sector when they came across sixteen Barosic cruisers hiding in the debris field of the Battle of Kallam-Horical who were in the process of refurbishing derelict Uanar ships with the intent to execute..."

Hearing the words spoken aloud, Lalana recalled the truth she had learned from the first Lorca. Words really did hold the power to keep the people you loved alive. Right now, they were both of them alive, Hayliel and Larsson, thanks to the survival of another universe's Lorca.

Lalana left Discovery first, but because she had to travel by shuttlecraft, she would arrive at the new ship after everyone else did. Lorca used the opportunity to review some personnel files Myers had sent, as well as a list of potential missions they might dive into at a moment's notice. Officially, Lalana had final say for all of it, but Lorca had a feeling she would go along with whatever he wanted up to and eventually including hunting down Georgiou when the time was right.

Aeree's skillset was a little terrifying. Essentially she was a bloodhound who could shoot a phaser but would rather slice things open. "I can taste fear on the air," she informed him. "As well as lust and sickness and kindness. Do you know what I taste on you?"

"Your husband's blood?" offered Lorca dryly. She hissed through her many teeth at him.

"Impotence!"

He tilted his head and fixed her with a look. "Yep. More sex, less consequences. Don't foist your lack of children on me. I made that choice for myself. You got anything else?"

They were going to get along horribly. Even bringing O'Malley into the room to try and mediate failed to produce any promising common ground. They would have a few more days to try because O'Malley was going to hitch a ride and make up for time he had missed with his wife, but Lorca was ready to write the whole thing off after ten minutes.

The only positive was that the occasion seemed to merit some social lubricant, so at least they were standing around with drinks. Then it turned out Aeree preferred to drink her alcohol through her husband, and since O'Malley had finally eaten a few square meals, he was not drunkenly falling over himself for Lorca's amusement.

It also turned out O'Malley had decided he was done with space for the foreseeable future. "It was Melly who loved starships. She hated staying still. Maybe I'll finally get that cat."

Lorca was a little disappointed as he stared at the smear of bourbon remaining in his glass. While he had no official use for O'Malley, unofficially, he was going to miss the comic relief. He sighed and asked Aeree, "But you like starships?"

"No," she said. "They're means to an end."

In the middle of this ill-fated search for commonality, Groves wandered in with news to share and no one else to share it with. "I asked her to marry me!" he announced, pouring himself a drink.

O'Malley was horrified. "That engineering woman? You've known her for twelve hours!"

"No, I've been dating her for twelve hours, I've known her for two days."

"Groves, get out of here," said Lorca, but not only did Groves not leave, he launched into an enthusiastic ramble on the finer points of his new love, "Rah." She sounded like a real piece of work, whoever she was. "And this woman agreed to marry you?"

"No, but I'll keep asking."

"John, that's ridiculous, you can't stay here. You're coming home with me." O'Malley had by this point realized the abandon with which Groves was throwing himself at some unknown woman was probably a coping method to deal with Mischkelovitz being gone. (Lorca had realized the same and reached that conclusion within four minutes rather than the twelve hours it had taken O'Malley.)

"I'm not going with you," said Groves, returning to his usual veneer of casual boredom. "I've got work to do here."

Lorca could see the rising panic on O'Malley's face and knew it had nothing to do with present circumstances and everything to do with the way Groves had responded to family deaths in the past. "Really? Starfleet's gonna keep you on?"

Something came over Groves. He straightened, looked at them all with determination, and said, "Someone needs to hold Cornwell and the rest accountable. I know I said I wasn't ethical, but she seriously considered destroying an entire planet. More than that, it was the Klingons' homeworld. What kind of person even considers that? Someone who shouldn't be in command in Starfleet, that's for sure."

O'Malley shifted his weight, glancing at Lorca. He knew Lorca had done something of similar evil on a much smaller scale aboard the Charon when he deployed Georgiou and Stamets' weaponized spores.

If O'Malley had been smarter, he would have seen the trouble Lorca saw in Groves' future. Anything Groves did regarding the hydro bomb on Qo'noS was going to potentially undermine the tentative new peace. Groves was about to poke one of the biggest bears in the galaxy.

Lorca put a hand on O'Malley's shoulder in some sort of reassurance and said, "Sounds like you finally have a purpose, Mr. Groves."

Groves scrunched up his face in distaste. "Took a while, but I guess I got there in the end. Sort of thanks to you? There's some cosmic irony in that the person who showed me what Starfleet was wasn't even Starfleet himself. Guess it's true what Mac says. You really do give everyone exactly what they need."

Lorca's eyebrows shot up and he tilted his head, looking down at O'Malley. "Suppose you had to choose between me and Anton..."

"Oh my god, I'm going to kill you," intoned O'Malley flatly.

Lorca laughed and yanked O'Malley's shoulder, half-staggering the smaller man a step, then slid an arm around O'Malley's neck. "There's no one I'd rather have do the deed."

O'Malley's face split into a smile and he chuckled happily, flushing red. "I hate you!" he laughed, shaking his head.

And with a glint in his eye, Lorca said, "Just as much."

Weirdly, this was the moment Aeree decided she liked Lorca.

The last person Lorca spoke to on Discovery was also the first person he had welcomed into its crew. The change between now and then was immense. Gone were the deference and trepidation that had marked their first meeting a year earlier. In their place stood a truly formidable commander. Lorca smiled with subtle pride. "Well, captain, guess this is goodbye."

Saru's head tilted in respectful disagreement. "I have not been promoted. I am merely acting captain until our new commanding officer is appointed."

"Captain Saru," insisted Lorca. "I'm leaving Discovery in your hands. Far as I'm concerned, there's no one better for the job."

Saru considered that. Just like Lorca before him, he was a captain with a secret. He could have resented Lorca for it. Instead he felt sympathy. The position of holding a secret was not an easy one. "Your confidence means a great deal to me."

There was a glimmer in Lorca's eyes. Not full tears, but enough to show how much those words meant to him and how much he was going to miss this ship and its crew. "Thank you for everything, Mr. Saru."

And for the last time Lorca would ever hear it, Saru replied, "You are welcome, Captain Lorca."

Part 101

[porcileorg]

Karte / Map

Author: Berthold Reiß, 2017.

The original text (in German) appears in the collected writings of Berthold Reiß – Antinomia. Gesammelte Schriften 1989-2019. Published by Monika Bayer-Wermuth and Daniela Stöppel (Kunstraum München, 2020).

Text contribution for The Happy Fainting of Painting #2 – Galerie Krobath, Vienna, September 15-October 14, 2017.

"What gives space reality [Realitet] is the organic process of nature; what gives time reality is the plenitude of history." This sentence is a footnote, so not quite in the text. In 1841, Søren Kierkegaard wrote this text The Concept of Irony, with Continual Reference to Socrates as a dissertation. The talk of space and time, of the organic process, which is visible, and of history, which promises not only hardship but also abundance, seems arabesque in that it tries to show as such both field and sequence. It explains a synthesis that does not appear as a conclusion in Plato's dialogues, but as a myth or a metaphor. The synthesis is validly represented "[w]hen the metaphor* finally acquires such dimensions that all existence becomes visible in it."

Kierkegaard finds the same synthesis in the thing-in-itself. And he finds it represented differently when Kant tries to get hold of it. He can really grasp it as a taboo, in his whole view of "radical evil."** And he can give it up to irony: "since grasping it was impossible, then [he] had the obviously great advantage, the rather ironic good fortune, of always hoping." Apocalyptic terror is serious, while hope is ironic. The map is a form in which this relationship does not appear as psychological, but contingent and at the same time geometrical. And it is coincidence, but also necessary, that this form can be so different that one map of the same shows the opposite of another.

The modern era still suggests that the same beginning can be made all over the world. In 1781, Immanuel Kant in Königsberg uses the identical preface for the Critique of Pure Reason that Francis Bacon used in London for his Instauratio Magna of 1620, which states that "not to imagine and construe my Instauration as something [unending or] infinite and suprahuman, when it is in fact unending error's end and proper boundary." Apparently, it is about a joint project. People should "in their own interest, [give up the rivalries and prejudices regarding opinions and] be mindful of the common good; [and that] they themselves, [being now freed and protected by the safeguards and aids I have provided against errors and impediments in the methods,] also take part [in the tasks that remain]."

Only a picture that Kant draws with words reveals that one conclusion is not always legitimate next to the other. "Instauratio Magna" means 'the great instauration.' On the frontispiece [engraved cover] we see ships moving in front of a horizon and the whole view framed on the left and right by mighty pillars. These pillars are mentioned in the Critique of Pure Reason when it describes a "determination of reason’s bounds," that "is carried out according to secure principles, and that affixes with utmost reliability its nihil ulterius*** to the Pillars of Hercules." The image that appears in copper for Bacon and in words for Kant is less artistic than mythical. For Kierkegaard, the mythical consists of the fact that it also overwhelms the one who employs it: Hence the Pillars of Hercules can steer Bacon and Kant in opposite directions. Bacon writes under the image, "Many will travel and knowledge will be increased" The outlook and pull-out [Ausblick und Ausfahrt] are like an outward extension [Ausgriff]. This is what lies outside the ancient map, described as hic sunt leones, hic sunt dragones [here be lions, here be dragons]. On the other hand, the myth of the Critique of Pure Reason probably consists in restoring the complete vision [Anblick] of the world. The rightful conclusion must also be seen.

The Pillars of Hercules, which the ancient imagination placed on the left and right of the Strait of Gibraltar, mark the border of the world. In what Plato calls 'idea,' their sight is at the same time a view. "Wisdom is power," the famous phrase by Francis Bacon on the other hand seems to lead behind the horizon as behind the light.**** But does Kant only see the limits of growth? Is science evil? The insight that wisdom is power is deepened and expanded when the idea returns as a prototype.

Kant speaks of "reason [that] sets limits to a freedom that in itself is lawless." One can assume that this act of reason follows a principle. But it is certain that he first sets out, indeed discovers, this principle. If the sun stands for the idea of the good, then this picture can connect sight and view better than principle and action. These belong rather to technology or to politics. However, it is noticeable that Kant describes them geographically. It is known that Kant lectured on geography. But Kant likewise has in mind a "land of pure understanding." He says that he "not only traveled throughout the land of pure understanding and carefully inspected its every part, but have also surveyed it throughout, determining for each thing in this land its proper place." And then Kant finds not only a land, but a metaphor: "This land, however, is an island, and is enclosed by nature itself within unchangeable bounds. It is the land of truth (a charming name), and is surrounded by a vast and stormy ocean, where illusion properly resides and many fog banks and much fast-melting ice feign new-found lands. This sea incessantly deludes the seafarer with empty hopes as he roves through his discoveries, and thus entangles him in adventures that he can never relinquish, nor ever bring to an end."

When reason sets limits like nature, then that is not a conclusion, but a prototype, a beginning that is technical, moral and symbolic at the same time. A first device, a free beginning and a first sight appear in the same light. The map, in which Cartesian coordinates are supplemented by lines from the landscape, stands for this analogy. And Kant finds not only land or sea, but Herculean columns. It is to be expected that action and representation will emerge again from the construct (see Nietzsche's Concept of Appearance in this volume, 1992, p. 10ff).

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Published and translated with the permission of the author. This text is part of an ongoing series on the writings of Berthold Reiß which porcile.org wishes to make accessible to a non-German speaking audience. The text is translated by porcile.org in exchange with Berthold Reiß, who is an artist that lives and works in Munich, Germany.

For the English equivalent of the quotes from Kant this translation refers to Werner S. Pluhar’s translation of Critique of Pure Reason (Unified Edition) (Hackett Publishing, Indianapolis, 1996).

For the English equivalent of the quotes from Kierkegaard this translation refers to Howard V. Hong and Edna H. Hong’s translation of Kierkegaard's Writings, II, Volume 2. The Concept of Irony, with Continual Reference to Socrates (Princeton University Press, 1990).

--

Victor’s notes

*The German translation that Berthold Reiß refers to translates here as Bild (image), in terms of bildlich (figurative or metaphorical). Hong&Hong translate this as metaphor.

**radical evil is an expression that is borrowed from Kant and also quoted as such in Kierkegaard

***nothing beyond – beyond the line connecting the Pillars of Hercules

****While here we went for the literal translation this is actually a play of words. Hinter den Horizont zu führen wie hinter das Licht. With the idom 'Hinter das Licht' in mind this could translate as '... lead behind the horizon and down the garden path.'

[unknown-de-mordor-blog]

Angbang-in-Space: or the time I crossover Tolkien-verse with Space Odyssey

So I just went back to the two one-shots I wrote for Melkor on Europa, and I just realized that some of it wouldn’t make any sense to anybody (I’m sorry; I was freewriting the shit out of it), so I thought I might as well make a huge post on the crossover universe I had. (I mean, this blog is called the Fanfic Junkyard for a reason.) A lot of this will be me recounting the plot of 2001: A Space Odyssey and 2010: The Year We Make Contact.

Let’s start with some Space Odyssey lore. So there’s an in-universe place for god or gods but more as a highly evolved, technologically advanced alien or aliens who have at least experiment with humankind and possibly even help create it. They are also called the ‘Firstborn’, referring to them as possibly the first sapient species. So, yes, there’s a proper place for Eru and Ainur in the Space Odyssey universe. I usually interpret the Firstborn as the Ainur and Eru as even a higher being (because born of whom, right?)

We don’t get to see them, though, only their surrogate, the monoliths -- although I like the Russian name Zagadka, the Enigma, better -- it’s both a communication and control tool with great powers. Like, seriously terrifying powers.

Now to my mash-up-universe version, Melkor is reincarnated to ‘repair his fea’. He becomes a human name David Bowman and ends up commanding a space mission to Jupiter, although he’s mostly a glorified housekeeper because most of the astronauts are put in suspended animation just by how long the journey from Earth to Jupiter is. His companion is Frank Poole, his best friend and totally Gothmog reincarnated to me, and the ship’s AI HAL (the actual name is HAL9000 but absolutely no one calls him that), who is actually Mairon, but with memory damaged and suppressed due to the damages to his fea after the Ring was destroyed, and also for wandering in disembodied form for too long.

Even so, he has an imprint of Melkor in his fea, so he’s uncommonly drawn to David right from the first time they met. They end up being pretty close on the ship, the Discovery. Part of it is because Dave and Frank take different shifts so they don’t get to hang out in their downtime. HAL is, essentially, the entire ship so he can hang out with anyone anywhere anytime.

I am convinced HAL and the Discovery is the very inspiration for Event Horizon. In-universe, though, no one could convince me that Dave doesn’t watch the film at least once on the ship for the irony of it. HAL is not entirely sure how to take it.

HAL and Dave play a lot of chess together. HAL could have won 100% of the time, but he’d rather make the chance 50/50. Dave catches onto that, demands that HAL play him fairly. Of course, he got his ass handed to him. HAL goes back to giving him ample opportunity to win, and the cycle starts again.

Dave and Frank are under the impression that the mission is going to be a scientific exploration of Jupiter and its moons, but actually, there is a secret mission. The thing is, a little while back (maybe 2/5 into the movie), a monolith was discovered on the moon and, upon it being unearthed, sent a signal to Jupiter. The secret mission is to find out what it is, which borders on trying to get the first contact since that the monolith proves the existence of a highly advanced alien species. Nobody knows, however, what awaits there and so the mission is borderline suicidal, which poses a problem to HAL since he was programmed to not tell either Dave or Frank about the mission (clearance issue, essentially, because the existence of the monolith is a secret at this point) and see that it continues at all cost while he had to keep everyone alive at the same time.

HAL decides then to try something really human, hinting. Since he can talk about the mission, he had to try to get Dave to figure it out himself. HAL cut off the communication antennae to sever influence from Earth (possibly, we can speculate about this) but because he’s programmed to be truthful, he had to warn the crew about it and Frank found out that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the unit at all. A few more lies later, Frank began to suspect something wrong with HAL, who then decides to kill him in self-preservation, which put himself right into conflict with Dave. Eventually, HAL terminates life supports to the suspended crew and also attempted to kill Dave.

David survives because of his quick thinking, but at this point, there’s really no other option for him but to take HAL down. And so he does... in one of the most haunting movie scenes ever.

“Dave, I’m afraid,” still breaks my heart every fucking time, goddamn. You also have to remember that HAL has no way to fight back when Dave is, you know, essentially dismembering him alive.

Dave eventually learns about the mission, since he is the last man standing at this point and mission control has no one else to make the first contact with what they now know to be a giant monolith in Jupiter’s orbit.

But it isn’t a solid black object when he came into contact with it but a door and “My god, it’s full of stars.”

Dave never comes back after crossing the threshold into the monolith, though. Basically, his physical body is left behind and he's instead transformed into what in Space Odyssey calls a Star Child. For me, that’s the moment David Bowman returns to being Melkor, except with his human memory and personality integrated as well.

But no one has any idea about what happened to him until nine years (and a film) later. A crew of Russian and American astronauts including Dr Chandra, HAL’s creator, is sent to the Discovery and find out what happened onboard and afterwards. Chandra resurrects his beloved HAL and tries to fix him, in the process discovering the secret order and the cause of HAL’s previous malfunction, but no one really trusts him again except Chandra.

While Chandra’s busy fixing HAL, everyone else is busy with tracking the monolith and studying Jupiter’s moon where they found signals of life and that their probe is mysteriously destroyed by a burst of energy that seems to move around. No one takes that too seriously until HAL receives a message for them to leave Jupiter (within two days in the movie, fifteen in the book b/c ACC liked realistic details). And if a corporal form of David Bowman on their ship doesn’t convince them, the disappearance of Zagadka from orbit and its rapid multiplication inside Jupiter, basically eating the planet up, surely does.

Because of the short notice, they can’t take the Discovery and HAL back to Earth and has to leave both to be destroyed by what they are sure now is going to be a nova. Before the bang, though, Dave asks HAL to transmit a repeated message back to Earth, saying: “ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT EUROPA ATTEMPT NO LANDING THERE”

Everyone would have thought that was the end of HAL, but actually, HAL just loses his corporal form and joins Dave on Europa (totally canon -- it’s in 2061: Odyssey Three -- and one of the reasons there’re people in the fandom shipping them so hard).

I don’t think that’s as simple as HAL returning to being Mairon right away, though, because he’s not systematically transformed in the same way Dave was when he returned to being Melkor. His memories are fractured and damaged and so he always confused between Melkor and Dave and between Mairon and HAL all the time, but Melkor assures him it’s fine because they’re actually both.

While Melkor took comfort in lounging at the bottom of the ocean (a trait that’s actually connected to Dave, who used to dive with his human brother), Mairon isn’t comfortable with being in the water although he’s infinitely fascinated by the creatures in Europa’s ocean.

Although Melkor doesn’t need to stay in a physical form or have a place to stay or sleep, he stays in the physical body with Mairon, built a fortress on the side of an ice-covered mountain to keep Mairon warm and sleep with him as Mairon’s fea repairs itself.

A trait that Mairon has from HAL is the ability to do sensory perception in a vast area. So he’s also the first to know about space probe coming in and blowing it out of the sky every time.

It takes a while before Mairon fully recovers and realizes that despite the idyllic lives they have in Europa, they are both somewhat of a prisoner because they’re bound to Zagadka and are put on Europa to serve a purpose -- protecting the living creatures of the influence of other worlds. Although Melkor agrees to the duty, he doesn’t always agree with how certain things are executed. Jupiter, for example, was turned into a sun at the expense of any creature that was inside of it. And that decision pissed Melkor off even though he, chained to the Zagadka, couldn’t do anything about it.

The resurrection of Melkor (in a sense) has been Eru’s intention carried out by Manwe and Mandos, Manwe aren’t necessary at ease with it -- not because of Melkor coming back necessarily but because he no longer knows what Eru might be planning after Arda was left to run by itself.

Manwe also knows the extent of the power of the monoliths, which are actually under Eru’s complete control. He fears it and what could happen to Melkor if he rebels again.

To be honest, that’s as far as I got, because I know Melkor will rebel again but I’m not sure how to tie that Dagor Dagorath and 3001: Odyssey Four. And that was essentially why the story never got finished.

[aion-rsa]

Star Trek: Discovery Season 3 Episode 5 Review: Die Trying

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This Star Trek: Discovery review contains spoilers.

Star Trek: Discovery Season 3, Episode 5

Since the Discovery first landed in the 32nd century, the ship and its crew has been searching for the missing Federation. This makes sense. Starfleet is a hierarchal structure, and its ships are part of a larger organization with a larger purpose. Without a Federation or Starfleet to report to, Discovery has been in survival mode (relatable). It’s painful for them to think about the past, which represents an immeasurable loss. Instead, Discovery has put all of its faith in this new future: in the belief that, once they find the Federation, everything will make sense again.

Like so much in this excellent Season 3, the Discovery’s hope is rewarded, but not without its nuances and complications. They find the Federation and it’s frankly in better shape than I expected, but it’s still not the organization they left behind. It’s much smaller—both in terms of number of ships and number of member planets. The Federation is in survival mode too, and arguably more exhausted than the crew of the Discovery—after all, they have been in survival mode for much longer, since the mysterious Burn more than a century ago. This isn’t a Federation of five-year missions of exploration; this is a Federation just trying to solve the latest crisis.

Much of the dramatic tension of the episode comes in the question of whether Discovery still fits inside of the Federation. Saru and Michael’s initial conversations with Admiral Vance are not as warm and welcoming as the Discovery might have hoped for, but it’s easy to understand given what we know of the state of this corner of the universe why the Federation is so damn cautious. It might have been tempting to make the Federation evil or compromised or an absolute mess here, but I’m glad Discovery didn’t go in that direction. This 32nd-century, post-Burn Federation isn’t bad; they’re just tired and forced to be smart about their resources. And, ultimately, yes, the Discovery believes they can find a place here, that they can be of use.

At first, Vance plans to separate the crew of the Discovery, which is a horrific idea from the viewpoint of the Discovery and us viewers. As Michael points out, it’s not simply that the ship and its various crew members will not be as effective apart, it’s that members of the crew might never recover from that separation. They have already lost everything they have ever known. To tear away the little piece of home they have left would damage everyone’s already fragile mental states even further. This wouldn’t be good for the Discovery crew and, frankly, it wouldn’t be good for the Federation. “Die Trying” is about the crew of Discovery working to prove to Admiral Vance that they are a much better asset together than apart not by pulling a Kirk and stealing the ship to make a point (as Burnham basically suggests), but by playing by Saru’s rules for now and going through the proper channels… because, you know, the proper channels still exist and, in a quasi-lawless future, that’s not nothing.

This test takes the form of a last-ditch effort to cure a group of alien refugees suffering from prion disease. Their only hope of survival lies in a Federation seed vault ship located too far away for any ship without a spore drive to make it there and back in time. Listen, it’s a MacGuffin crisis with a MacGuffin mission, but it does give our gang a chance to show the Federation what they’re made of—and a chance for us to get to know Commander Nhan a little bit better, before she leaves the ship for the foreseeable future.

While “Die Trying” cleverly uses the mission as an excuse to explore Nhan’s Barzan culture, there really isn’t enough time to do the narrative ambition justice. In the story of a Barzan father desperate to save his already-deceased family, kept in stasis on the seed fault ship, we learn that Barzans have a different cultural understanding of death than we do. While this is a thematically rich idea to explore, the episode never really explains what that means, instead leaning into a story about Nhan’s own regrets about having left her homeworld behind. While that’s also an interesting angle to explore, there are several moments during which it seems like “Die Trying” is trying to place the various Barzan characters’ decisions in the context of their culture, but never actually figures out how.

Then again, this episode was already clocking in at the 55-minute mark, much longer than your average length of network TV and the longest episode of the season so far. In just this episode, we get the Discovery’s arrival at the Federation’s new headquarters, a debrief sequence, the Discovery’s quest to a Federation seed vault ship, the solving of the seed vault’s familial mystery, a mini-character study of Nhan, and a compromise within the Federation hierarchy. It’s a lot, and the episode can’t quite pull it all together thematically, making for this strong season’s sloppiest episode so far. That being said, “Die Trying” gets its most important job done: transitioning Season 3 from a story about a lone Starfleet ship in a future without the Federation to a story about the Discovery starting the long process of building a new home within the Federation.

Because “Die Trying” makes clear that’s what the crew has really been looking for: a home. That is what Starfleet has been for all of them in the past: a place of belonging and purpose where nobody gets left behind. This isn’t the Federation they left behind almost a millennia ago and it’s going to take some time and some work before those feelings of belonging sink into their bones. For now, they’re going to have to settle for a sense of purpose and have it be enough. In Star Trek: Discovery Season 3, finding the Federation doesn’t solve everything, but it’s a start and, in a world and pop culture that skews so damn dark right now, I’ll gladly and unexpectedly take that hopeful beginning.

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Additional thoughts.

I’m sad to leave behind the story of the Discovery as a lone stranger in a strange land, though I recognize that we already had so much of that explored in Voyager. Also, this season has been so good so far that I am willing to see where this new phase of Season 3 brings us. I just… am a sucker for motley crew on a loner ship stories, you know?

In what was the most intriguing and also subtle subplots of the episode, Emperor Georgiou has a conversation with a bespectacled man (played by David Cronenberg) who gives her a history lesson on the Terran empire. Is this setting up the Michelle Yeoh’s spinoff? Is this a clue about The Burn? What did David Cronenberg do to or tell Georgiou that had her so shaken when Michael meets her in the hallway? And how is Michelle Yeoh/Georgiou so cool?

Season 3 is moving at a steady clip. In previous seasons of this show, Discovery would have been distracted by about 12 other storylines by now, not making it to the Federation hideout until the end of the season. Not Season 3, though! Season 3 is keeping its eye on the prize, steadily committing to even its minor subplots in a way this show rarely did before. If the show drops a narrative hint that Detmer has some kind of PTSD from the jump through the wormhole, then god dammit, she’s going to have some form of PTSD. If Detmer and Stamets get in a fight in one episode, Stamets is still going to be a bit sore about it in the next. This episode even manages to remember that Michael has a mom in this time and she might have some questions for the Federation about her whereabouts. This is good serialized storytelling, and it reinforces the world and these characters in a way that Discovery, with all of its behind-the-scenes issues in the first two seasons, has never quite managed before.

Admiral Vance is played by Oded Fehr, who was Ardeth Bay in The Mummy. You’re welcome.

We get several references to the Emerald Chain, which is not a club drug. Presumably, this isn’t the last we’ve heard of this crime syndicate.

Commander Nhan, stop trying to make Airiam happen. I get it, though. This was one of your character’s few, big moments prior to this episode.

“Then I was murdered…” I love an interrogation montage scene played for laughs. See also: The Expanse and Firefly.

Hugh having to coach someone in this episode to tell someone else that they have to let go of their dead family is kind of ironic given his backstory.

Lieutenant Willa is a security officer and seems to be into the Discovery’s vibe. Could she replace Nhan? And will we see Nhan again? I hope so.

Saru’s even-keeled and patient leadership continues to be an asset in this new and strange time, and complements Michael’s brash creativity nicely. As long as they continue to communicate,

We didn’t get much Adira in this episode. I still have so many questions about Gray.

Although the Federation has shrunk, both the Barzans and the Kelpians are now members. That’s nice.

The post Star Trek: Discovery Season 3 Episode 5 Review: Die Trying appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[grimesherbert]

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[brucebaxter]

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[sfdfmoviereviews]

Star Trek: Discovery Teaser Trailer Breakdown Reaction Thing

In recent months, it has been hard to maintain optimism regarding Star Trek: Discovery. Barring a few casting announcements and that ‘production teaser’ we’ve had little to go on since the comic-con teaser that announced the show’s name. Bryan Fuller has departed the show while the air date has remained uncertain, and the franchise’s fiftieth anniversary has come and gone in the meantime. Now, we have a teaser proper:

So let’s see what it tells us.

We get a few establishing shots. Of a starship:

Of the dune planet Arrakis:

And of Sonequa Martin-Green’s Michael Burnham in a spacesuit:

We then get some confirmation of the show’s setting:

Because the trailer doesn’t, I should clarify that this series takes place in the Prime timeline- the one with Shatner, not the one with Chris Pine. As the title plate says it takes place ten years before Kirk/Spock/The Enterprise, which would be after the events of the start of the 2009 film that splits the timeline. I suspect that this would resolve the legal tension between CBS and Paramount over rights issues- Paramount own the movie rights, CBS own the TV rights, and the twain don’t always get along- but I’m no lawyer. It’s notable that Bones doesn’t get a mention here, but that’s likely not too significant. The rule of threes must be obeyed, and the hammy captain, the guy with the ears, and the starship are the three most iconic parts of the original series.

Moving on, we find out that at this time there was discovery:

There is some grammar at play here. While the show is called Discovery and we’ve seen the USS Discovery, it is unclear what is being referenced here. We just heard about “the” Enterprise, so it’s likely not the ship. That means the discovery in question is likely the act of discovering things. This may sound very tedious to distinguish, but we’ll find out why it’s significant in a moment.

But first, Sarek:

“You will never learn Vulcan, you’re tongue is too human”. That seemingly trivial sentence tells us far more than the expected dickery of Spock’s dad first indicates. We’re so used to universal translators that the very notion of having to learn a language puts us a long way from the Star Trek of the past. Furthermore that assertion that humans by their very nature cannot understand such an important part of Vulcan culture flies in the face of the convention that that infinite diversity can be made into infinite combinations. The final frontier is hard here, so hard that clever people declare parts of it impossible to master. So STD appears to be eschewing the effortlessness of previous series in favour of the challenge, which should be good to watch.

Turns out Sarek is talking to a young Michael Burnham:

We can therefore conclude that Burnham spent a good chunk of her childhood around the Federation Ambassador from Vulcan, and perhaps saw him as a (dickish) mentor figure. There’s a chance therefore we’ll get an appearance from young Spock and Amanda Greyson as well.

We then get more of Dune:

“Great unifiers of history are few and far between” states Sarek, as we get a shot of the bridge:

It’s a little dark, and Burnham is standing in front of the helm and operation stations rather than sitting behind them. I suspect this is simply for the sake of cinematography. I quite like the unifrom design; it’s got simple lines that are in keeping with the aesthetic of the original show while not being overly retro. It’s a shame the red/yellow/blue coding is absent though.

“Often such leaders will need a profound cause” continues Sarek, in what we now know to be a hologram with a bad connection:

To an intrigued Burnham:

We then get a ship bursting out of some clouds:

That doesn’t look much like the ship from the comic-con teaser:

But it does look like this wireframe from the production announcement:

So either the Discovery herself has undergone a major redesign, or this is another ship, possible the Shenzhou. The later is likely, as we next see Michele Yeoh’s Captain Georgiou:

There’s also an alien dude in the background, and that guy in the foreground has some distinctive but toned down Trekburns. :What am I looking at” asks the captain:

“object of unknown origin” replies a redshirt, as we see a weirdly blurred out Thing:

“We’ve come all this way captain, it would be... irresponsible to leave whatever that is unknown” asserts Burnham, while looking super intense:

And then we see Lobot:

This guy says “I sense the coming of death, I sense it coming now”:

That could well be Doug Jones’ Lieutenant saru. We’ll have to wait and find out how portentous his sensing is.

Burnham meets a Klingon in space, likely on that thing from before:

I’ve no idea what that is, but it looks like a big old space church to me. I’ll wager that that Klingon wants to keep it for himself, but I could be wrong.

It’s coming in Autumn!

So that’s some nice certainty.

Alarm bells sound and Captain Georgiou says “Contact Starfleet Command, we have engaged the Klingons”. We then see a Klingon:

That’s one fierce dude, and he gets some fancy vanity shots.

It wouldn’t be Star Trek without some cosmic nonsense that floods the bridge with light and sound:

I think these might be more Klingons? I’m really not sure, we don’t often see up their nostrils:

“We target it’s neck, cut off it’s head” says Burnham, as that Klingon from before roars to the heavens to let them know a Klingon warrior is coming:

“Starfleet doesn’t fire first” asserts Captain Georgiou, “We have to!” retorts Burnham:

The Thing starts doing some wacky stuff:

“What have you done out there on the edge of federation space?” asks Sarek, and “I’m trying to save you, I’m trying to save all of you” replies Burnham.

We end on a Dutch angle of a space suited Burnham:

We then get those four great notes and a better looking logo:

And that’s that.

It’s important to note what we don’t see here. We don’t see Jason Isaacs as Captain Lorca, and we likely don’t see the Discovery. Furthermore, Sarek is very prominent here, but James Frain is only credited in one episode on IMDb. So what we’re seeing is either from one episode (i’m guessing the pilot) or is edited together from disparate dialogue. I’m guessing it’s the later.

So STD is ostensibly about some space artifact that holds the attention of both the Federation and the Klingons, but there’s reason to believe that’s not the whole story. We do know (or at least are being led to believe), that our hero Michael Burnham is some one who believes in shooting first, and therefore isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty to save people. She likely has some relationship with Sarek that defines what she does. We’ve been told that STD will portray some formative event in the Federation’s history, and so it is likely that whatever Burnham does will have a lasting effect on everyone else we’ve seen go boldly. That should result in some good Star Trek, as it means the moral foundation of the show will be questioned, and should give us some cool mysteries and space fights. If nothing else, it passes the Bechdel test.

Finally, a word on continuity, because of things like this:

The incomparable Emily Asher-Perrin made the case that Star Trek Discovery should continue the franchise’s tradition of social progress and inclusiveness, and that is surely a laudible goal. However, a complication presents itself; if the Starfleet of 2256 is able to, say, use “ text rendered in different fonts for officers with dyslexia”, why do we not see such text in any of the Enterprises to come? No doubt an explanation could be conjured from somewhere (in later ships the text renders differently depending on who is looking at it, that’ll do) but to do so is to miss the point. Star Trek is about the future of humanity, not as a plausible outcome of historical forces but as a striven for ideal. To bog Star Trek down in the minutiae of continuity is to divorce it from it’s purpose. While Star Trek has to contend with the need for consistency with what has gone before, it cannot easily go where no one has gone before.

Granted, Discovery is hamstrung by it’s place in the middle of things, after Enterprise but before everything else (indeed, it appears to be portraying itself as the prequel that Enterprise was meant to be, and may in practice ignore that series altogether). That will make any continuity errors- which are distracting, at least a little- much more apparent, and the series will have to be that much better to succeed in spite of them. But between a show that strives to bring us a new Trek fit for the 21st century that urges us to go boldly and show us how great we can be and one consistent with five decades of TV production decisions, I know which I want to see.

So that’s Star Trek Discovery. It’s coming in Autumn, and there’s a lot more to come.

Tim

[one-of-us-blog]

Valentine’s Day (TGG, Season 4, Episode 15)

Today Eli is forced to watch and recap Valentine’s Day, Episode 15 of the fourth season of The Golden Girls.  When the girls find themselves without dates on the most romantic night of the year, will they band together and comfort themselves with cherished memories and friendship, or drown their sorrows in chocolates and ice cream?  Keep reading to find out…

First of all, as usual, let me comment on Jon’s latest Doctor Who write-up.  Cap, you beautiful bastard, you’ve done it again!  I loved your take on Asylum of the Daleks, and it really made me want to rewatch the episode.  As far as Oswin being a super hacker, I think I assumed the idea was that she was able to do so much because she was connected to the Dalek systems all along (as a part of her conversion), but just didn’t realize this.  Anyway, I like that particular twist at the end, and now I’m eager to see what you think about the rest of the season.  Series 7 is a bit different as it was divided up into two halves when broadcast, and that makes it feel almost like two separate chapters in my opinion.  But at any rate, I’ll be looking forward to your next post!  For now, I am running late yet again, so let’s head to Miami!

Buttocks tight!

Episode written by Kathy Speer, Terry Grossman, Barry Fanaro, and Mort Nathan, directed by Terry Hughes

The episode opens on the evening of Valentine’s Day, with Dorothy eating chocolates.  Unfortunately, Sophia has already sampled them.  Dorothy got ditched by her date, and Rose announces that her date has the flu.  Blanche shows some sympathy to her pathetic, dateless friends, at least until her own date calls and cancels.  Blanche does not take this news well, to say the least.  She declares this officially the worst day of her life (which seems a bit hyperbolic, given that her beloved husband is dead), but Sophia assures her that there are worse things that can happen on Valentine’s Day.  Hot damn, it looks like this is a flashback episode!

We leap back in time to Chicago, where Sophia’s husband Sal has been attempting to drive her and her father across the country from Brooklyn to a wedding.  The car has broken down, and Sal is being pelted with insults from his father-in-law.  The local mechanic is unable or unwilling to help out, but he lends Sal his tools while Sophia’s father wanders off in search of a bathroom.  Briefly alone, Sal gives Sophia a box of chocolates that he bought several days prior in anticipation of Valentine’s Day.  What a sweetheart!  The two briefly share a tender moment, until Sophia’s father returns with the sounds of gunfire echoing behind him, the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre now underway.

Back in the kitchen, Dorothy dismisses the dramatic turn at the end of her mother’s tale, and the girls move on from chocolates to ice cream.  Blanche and Dorothy recall an old grudge, and begin pushing Rose around in retroactive retaliation for a mistake she made last Saint Valentine’s Day.  Let’s take a look, shall we?

Rose, Dorothy, and Blanche arrive at a vacation lodge for a relaxing weekend retreat, and move to the counter to check in.  It is upon discovery that the clerk is nude that the gals realize that Sunny Meadows is a bit unusual.  In fact, the resort is entirely clothing optional.  All of the buses from the lodge have left for the night, so the girls are forced to stay despite their alarmed reaction.  Hiding in their room, they blame Rose for making the reservations.  It doesn’t take long, however, for Blanche to have some fun watching a volleyball game through the bedroom window, and Dorothy and Rose get on board.  Heck, why not throw inhibitions the wind and enjoy themselves?  It’s not like they’re ever going to see these people again!  The girls decide to have a good time, and they strip.  Their confidence wavers quite a bit as they head downstairs to dinner, hiding behind whatever is available, but they eventually burst into the dining room ready to party.  Unfortunately, they stride into a room filled with fully clothed individuals, and learn that guest always dress for dinner.  An insult from a saucy waiter doesn’t exactly help them retain their dignity.

In the present once more, Rose suggests moving on from ice cream to dinner.  Heck, they should go out and have a good time, surely they aren’t the only ones without dates!  Sophia speaks up to mention that she has a hot date with the one and only Julio Iglesias, but nobody believes her.  Meanwhile, Blanche is feeling nostalgic again, and claims that Saint Valentine’s Day is the most romantic day of the year…

Blanche is at a restaurant, having a traditional drink to remember her late husband’s proposal on Valentine’s Day.  She also lends moral support to a young man sitting nearby at a bar, who is also planning to propose that very night.  She tells him that they may come from different generations, but love is love, and she would be happy to share her own experiences with him.  She recounts her husband’s proposal, until the man’s partner, Victor, enters the restaurant.  The two men embrace, and the studio audience laughs.   I mean, can you even imagine?  Thankfully, Blanche still seems to be happy with her good deed.

We briefly step back into the kitchen for Blanche to remember some more Valentine’s Day shenanigans.  This time, the story takes place as the girls were preparing for a cruise, and doing some last minute pre-trip shopping…

The gals are browsing in a small shop in preparation for their time at sea, when Blanche suggests they take along “protection.”  Dorothy has to spell it out for Rose, resulting in her famous shouting declaration of “Condoms, Rose, condoms, condoms, condoms!”  The trio is embarrassed to make their purchase, but Blanche takes control and strides to the counter confidently.  Dorothy and Rose follow suit.  Unfortunately, the clerk takes it upon himself to ask for a price check through the store microphone (on Dorothy and Blanche’s lambskins, and on Rose’s black ultra-sensitive variety).  People all over the store begin to stare.  Blanche again takes charge, grabbing the mic and telling the prudes that she and her squad feels no shame for pursuing passion, and there’s nothing to see.  Dorothy and Rose, meanwhile, have run away.

For our final scene, the girls recall that they never even got to use those condoms, but at least Rose had some water balloon substitutes on the ship.  The doorbell rings, and…surprise, surprise!  All three dates are here after all!  They just wanted to surprise the girls, and will now take them out to dinner (Side note: This twist makes zero sense, as I will explain below, but oh well).  Sophia rushes everyone out of the house, and then lets her own date, Mr. Julio Iglesias, in through the back door.  It’s time for a serenade.

The End.

I have to say, I liked this episode a lot!  It has taken me a while to warm up to the flashback format, but this one was a definite winner.  I think I laughed more at this episode than I have at any for quite a while, and an episode featuring Dorothy’s famous “Condoms!” scene is bound to score big for me.  Some of the plotlines were a little far-fetched in typical sitcom fashion (such as the lodge trip, or the arrival of Julio Iglesias), but I can’t say that I minded much.  The scene with the gay couple seemed like it might be disappointing at first, given that the studio burst into laughter at the very idea of two engaged men, but there was nothing mean-spirited behind the joke, and Blanche was ultimately happy for them and accepting; overall, I think that’s a net positive for the era.  I cannot, however, give this episode a perfect score, because the premise behind the surprise at the end is ludicrous.  Let me get this straight…Dorothy, Rose, and Blanche all had plans for Valentine’s Day dinner with their fellas.  These fellas wanted to have a surprise for their best gals, so they all pretended to cancel their dates.  Then, after letting the girls stew in disappointment for a while, the surprise is revealed: we’re going to dinner!  The very thing you had planned on in the first place!  It’s a pointless surprise, and it only serves to make the girls unhappy for a while.  I’ll take it further; the guys were just assuming that the girls would be dressed, ready, and still waiting to go after the cancellation, and not lounging about sadly in sweatpants (as I would be) or out looking for a better man.  PLUS, now the girls have all consumed a large quantity of chocolates and ice cream before the dinner (which isn’t even really a proper surprise)!  Just give me a second to get over it.  That problem aside, the rest of the episode was spot on, and I give Valentine’s Day a score of 4.5 poofy hairdos out of 5.

Join us tomorrow (or perhaps later today), when Jon will share his recap of (look out!) Dinosaurs on a Spaceship, the next episode of Doctor Who.  I will be back on Friday, with my recap of Two Rode Together, the next episode of The Golden Girls.  Until then, as always, thank you for being a friend, and for being One of Us!