#also considering how Carl and Daryl have a pretty good relationship in canon

[shootfortherightreasons]

;; I’m just saying, Carl’s AU job and his apocalyptic society life are both gonna end up being animal rescue and care.

My mind is unchangeable.

Also just a reminder my muse is learning medical. He w i l l be saving animals.

[txladyj-blog]

This Time Around - Chapter 24

A Daryl Dixon x OFC collaboration written by @xmistressmistrustx​ by request of @txladyj-blog​

Rating: Explicit

Relationship: Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character

Tags: Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Awkwardness, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Crush, Fluff and Humor, Angst and Humor, Mild Smut, Strong Language, Eventual Sex, Eventual Romance, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, Some Canon Scenes and Dialogue

Chapters 27/?

The next morning was fraught with tension and sorrow. Most of the guards were killed and as a result, people began to step up, offering their help where they could as the cleanup effort began. A truck was being filled with the bodies of the enemy group, while the fallen Alexandrian’s were all gathered near the graveyard to be given funerals. Deanna was the first to spot Jess when she was let through the gate and she immediately ceased her conversation with Rick and ran to her with her arms wide open.

“Oh, Jess! You’re alright” She gasped as she drew her into a warm hug. Not one for hugging everyone anymore, especially after such a harrowing attack, Jess swallowed hard and made an exception, lifting her arms and allowing Deanna to hold her in an embrace. “The others, they said they saw you run out last night.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t stay and help, I just needed to get out of here. I was attacked-” She tried to reason.

“-We know.” Rick interrupted as he walked over with his hands on his hips. “Daryl told us.”

“W-what did Daryl tell you exactly?” She asked hesitantly, all the while hoping that Daryl had left out some significant details that would only add to her humiliation.

“He said he walked into Aaron and Eric’s place because the door was wide open and saw two of them trying to kill you. Said you took a beating but you were putting up a pretty good fight.” He explained.

Jess relaxed somewhat, her shoulders loosening and her defenses lowering. He hadn’t told them everything and had the consideration to omit the things which he knew she would find horrifying if everyone else knew. She owed him for that, the thought of the entire town knowing what she'd been subjected to was not something she could entertain without feeling physically sick.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Jess questioned. It was as good an idea as any to steer the focus away from what happened in the house the night before. Behind Rick. in the distance, she could see Daryl leaving the Grime’s home with Carl in tow.

“It’s all hands-on deck, whatever you can do. But first, I want you to go and get checked out by Denise.” Deanna instructed

“I will. But it can wait a couple hours” Jess mused “There was a woman, a blonde woman. By the wall over there”, She motioned to the dark corner where she’d left the bloodied woman that she’d tried to save “Where is she now?”

Deanna took hold of Jess's hand and looked right at her. From her peripheral vision, Jess detected Carl and Daryl now within earshot.

“I saw what you did. I was at the window, checking there were no other children running around that I could bring inside. That was brave, Jess. Your courage and humanity shown towards Mrs. Brennan was admirable.”

“It was nothing” Jess muttered as she very deliberately broke away from Deanna and headed to Carl.

“She’s with the others, in the church grounds.” Deanna called out to her.

*

Carl’s face lit up when Jess wound her way around Rick and Deanna and broke into a jog, slamming into him and hugging him fiercely. Carl was only a kid and therefore a lot less triggering to her than physical contact from adults. She was delighted to see him, aware of the devastation that would follow losing Carl not only for Rick and the community, but for her also. Daryl continued to walk, meeting Rick and Deanna and joining them in observing Jess with Carl.

“Oh god, I’m glad you’re in one piece, kid.” Jess sighed into the side of the teenager’s head. He was now almost as tall her and she figured she must have missed the beginning of such a growth spurt. He was going to be as tall as his father and likely as brave too.

“You too.” He muffled against her jacket before stepping back and embarking on a run down of events as they transpired from his point of view.

*

 Meanwhile, Daryl and Rick swapped a glance, one of concern for Jess but also for each other. They were beat after having worked all night to sweep the town and eliminate the chances of any of the dead rising again.

“She is playing it down” Deanna muttered through clenched teeth.

“Huh? What d’ya mean?” Daryl asked.

“What she did last night. I saw her from the window. Jennifer Brennan was running across the street away from one of those awful men. She was badly hurt and Jess appeared from nowhere and took him down. Then, she dragged Jennifer to the corner over there and stayed with her, held her hand and talked to her as she died.” She relayed with bloodshot eyes as she took in the impact on her town and the suffering that was forced on her people. “It was chaos, all of it. But she showed compassion and humanity towards that woman despite it all. Then, I watched her save Aaron's life, too. She always said she wasn’t good at fighting people, just walkers. I’m very proud of her.”

Daryl glanced between Deanna and Rick, who was still watching Jess laugh with Carl and playfully jabbing him in the arm.

“Yeah” Daryl mumbled.

Me too.

He cleared his throat and tugged her knife and machete from his belt, slowly encroaching on her conversation with Carl. She stopped talking when she saw him and peered at him expectantly. He held out her weapons, noticing that the end of her bow, which was positioned across her torso as normal, was bent out of shape.

“Cleaned ‘em up for ya.” He told her. She took them from his hands, her eyes never leaving his as she did so and she knew Carl was watching, but struggled to care. “I want ya to go see the Doc, let her make sure ya aint concussed.” He requested

“Thanks. I will. I just imagine she’s kinda busy right now.” She shrugged. Connecting her machete to her belt with its leather loop and sliding her knife back into its holster, she clicked the button closed and pushed her lips into a thin line. He was still staring at her and she knew he wasn’t going to give in.

“So, we’ll wait. I’ll go with ya. C’mon.” He grunted.

Carl raised an eyebrow at Daryl’s unwavering stubborn streak and considered that this may very well be the kind of thing that Jess was referring to when she suggested that he use Daryl as an example of how to treat someone as if they truly mean something.

“Daryl, I can go by myself” Jess tried.

“Ya ain’t doin’ nothin alone until I know ya ain’t got a brain injury. Complain all ya like, I ain’t goin’ nowhere.” He insisted, taking her wrist and marching her off along the street.

“I’ll catch you later, kid” She called out to Carl, who was holding a hand up in a small wave with a knowing smile spread across his lips.

*

It turned out that after an hour long wait with Daryl hovering over her like a concerned husband, Jess did not have a concussion. What she did have, was severely bruised thighs, a gash across her temple and a bump to the back of her head that had gone down overnight and left a dull ache that was more than manageable. Denise was informed of the true happenings of the night against Jess’s wishes by Daryl, who stepped in when she tried to lie upon being asked if there was anything else that she wasn’t telling her. She’d scowled at him and cursed him in her head but underneath it all, she knew he was doing it because he cared and after everything she’d been through over the last few hours, she considered herself lucky to have such a blessing. When she was finally released from the infirmary, what little energy she did have was put to good use to aid the community in its repair and removal of the bodies. After all, she had all the time in the world, it wasn’t like she could catch a minute of decent sleep anymore.

Daryl made a point of keeping Aaron and Eric away from their home until he’d cleared the bodies inside. Reluctant to let anyone see the result of his fury splattered all over the pristine, white kitchen. He left the house carrying a box full of body parts which he threw onto the back of the truck that contained the rest of the bodies and gave Aaron a nod in passing, letting him know the coast was clear.

“Sorry ‘bout the mess, man.” He mumbled.

Jennifer Brennan’s funeral was tough for Jess, who stood at the back of the crowd and pulled her hood and mask up to create a barrier between her emotions and everyone else. But she simply had to attend, not being present wasn’t an option when she’d ensured that Jennifer’s last moments were spent with her. She hoped she’d been able to do something to calm the woman’s heart, to put her mind at ease and to let her slip away as peacefully as possible among the pandemonium. She turned her body away from the funeral in an effort to hide her tears when it was declared that Jennifer’s husband had also been killed, leaving her two young boys as orphans. Daryl picked up on her sadness and resisted the need to go to her. The last thing she needed was yet more attention.

*

In the longer-term aftermath of the attack upon Alexandria, an urgent meeting was called, ideas were swapped and opinions raised with regards to the security of the town and how well equipped it was to deal with such situations. Having never experienced much in the way of danger from outside the walls before, most of the residents were still shaken and angry, believing that huge changes needed to be made to make everyone feel more secure.

Rick’s group stepped up the guard duties, changed the gate rules and went on regular patrols in the woods and surrounding areas, also placing two people in the tower at any one time so as not stone was left unturned. It fast became common knowledge that out of the fifteen strong group that attacked, all but two of them were killed. Rick surmised that there would be a cooling off period for them to regroup and bring in reinforcements, if they possessed such a thing and that everyone should be prepared, at any time, for similar attacks.

Jess was tasked with taking training sessions on the promise from Deanna that she would run the lessons on how to kill walkers and attend the lessons by Abraham on how to kill live humans as a trainee. The more she applied herself, the more she was able to mask her mood and after a week, she was able to cover her anxiety enough to convince everyone that she was just fine during the hour-long sessions. When really, she was plagued with flashbacks and nightmares and rarely slept a wink. She was tired, mentally and physically but training was giving her a focus and a useful one at that. But still, the dread seeped through and after her training sessions, she retreated back to the fairground and hid away from the world.

Nothing was said about the kiss that Jess planted on Daryl. Every time he tried, something else came up, someone interrupted or he thought she could sense it and either removed herself or changed the subject. He didn’t quite know exactly what he wanted to say, but the longer it was ignored, the larger the elephant in the room became. Jess wanted to forget it, sweep it under the rug and continue with their friendship as if she hadn’t tried to ruin it all. She hoped he would quickly realize her displeasure at the prospect of discussing it, purely because she hadn’t brought it up herself.

Daryl, who was usually reasonably self restrained, particularly where affairs of the heart were concerned, found it too tempting to resist stopping and watching during one of Jess’s training sessions. She was a delight for him to watch when she was in teacher mode. Confident, sure of herself and displaying a bossy side that tickled his interest in her all the more. In her hand, Jess held onto the knife that he’d given her all those months ago like it was precious and worth more than all the knives in Alexandria combined.

A couple of the participants in her class that day waved to Daryl, who stood off to one side and smiled thinly at Jess as she worked. He didn’t bother trying to hide his amusement, even dipping his head, running his chin and laughing quietly when she described them all as Stormtroopers locked in a war against the Walkers. That was the old Jess, the one he was seeing more and more of and that apparently was done with being suppressed.

“Copycat.” He called out smugly at the sight of the fake Walkers made from potato sacks and stuffed with grass and straw which were tied to heavy posts. Just as he’d tied a real walker to a tree and demanded she learn how to kill them at the quarry.

Jess looked over her shoulder and shot him an irritated look. Her eyes lingered on him for longer than was needed, but she’d noticed his sleeveless, black shirt and the way he was casually leaning against the back of a house with his big arms crossed over his chest. It was staring her right in the face no matter how much she tried to ignore it, he was so attractive and she sometimes hated him for it, especially when she was trying to concentrate. She marched over to him, stopping and resting her hands on her hips. Her six students wait and glanced at one another in curiosity.

“Can I help you, Stinky?” She asked with a pout.

“Mind if I step in?” He requested.

Jess let out a giggle of disbelief and shook her head at his boldness.

“Yes, I do.”

He stood up straight and went to turn away from her in the direction of the road, his lips curled at one corner.

“Fine. Do it wrong.” He challenged.

The people behind her, comprising of three men and three women all began to grin at one another, finding the playful tension between Jess and Daryl highly amusing. Jess watched Daryl as he ambled towards the road, turning and walking backwards with his hands open, tempting her to reevaluate if she was sure her answer was the right one. She exhaled through her nose, frustrated at how she couldn’t say no to him because she wanted to look at him a little longer.

“Alright, smart ass” She proclaimed “What do you want?”

He cleared his throat and walked back to her, stepping behind her and leaning down. With his hand he hooked his fingers around her calf and eased her outside leg further back.

“This leg needs to be further back. It’s a defense thing. Less likely to fall on your ass” he explained, taking her arm and moving it up and back, closing his hand around hers on the knife. “This arm. Lift it up a little more.” He rasped in her ear as he slid a hand down her arm, gently closing it over her elbow and shifting it to the correct position.

Her skin was set alight when she felt his breath on her neck and the warmth of his chest brush against the thin fabric of her shirt. She swallowed hard and noticed everyone staring at them, most of them with recognizable smiles that were directed at Jess’s pink cheeks and Daryl’s unnecessarily close proximity to her.

“What are y’all looking at?!” She snapped at them all “You’ve had a demonstration, get practicing! Remember, keep your body behind your knife.” They all scattered like mice and picked up their weapons, chatting amongst themselves and helping each other.

Daryl had little desire to move and the longer he stood, connected to her side, the more he thought about the kiss and how he didn’t even know if he was right or wrong for not kissing her back. Given time, a few more seconds maybe, he was positive that he would have reciprocated. But the timing and the situation were all wrong. The whole thing was confusing, out of place and bizarre and he wished it wasn’t. He wished it had been in better circumstances, so he could have pulled her back to him and asked her if it was really what she wanted.

Standing firm, Daryl trailed his fingers back along her arm and dropped his hand to his side. She failed to increase the distance between them and took a deep breath as she shyly licked her lips and straightened up her jacket. Her cheeks were still pink and the day was not cold enough to have made them so. Her skin was reddened because she was flustered and he was loving every single second of it.

“Did you have to undermine me like that?” She uttered.

“Probably not.” He smirked

“Then what are you even doing?” She tested

Daryl sucked both lips into his mouth and thought for a moment. He had an idea, but wasn’t sure if he was pushing his luck a little too far. He saw the glint in her eye while she waited for an answer and decided to take the chance, figuring he’d just make a joke out of it if it backfired.

“Need a sparring partner?” He questioned confidently, looking down his nose at her.

If anyone could fight, it was Daryl. He didn’t think himself good at much, a modest number of things; fishing, hunting and having grown up scrapping with the best of them, he was fearless and could more than hold his own. What he lacked in professional training he made up for in determination and resolution.

“Uh, no?’ Jess replied.

“Yeah ya do.” He argued. “Need to show ‘em how it’s s’posed to look. Get some practice in of your own too”

She considered his offer, unable to actually find a reason to decline. He was right. It would be helpful to show them what everything was supposed to look like and as much as she tried not to entertain the thought; she liked the idea of a little healthy competition with the man she thought to be the most attractive she’d ever seen.

“Fine. Tomorrow. But we’ll have to meet up and discuss what I'm going to teach them and how” She instructed in her best official and professional voice.

“Fine by me. Meet ya at your place tonight.” He was already on his way to the road, throwing his response over his shoulder with a hidden smile that only she was allowed to see.

*

Jess was resourceful enough to work out her own way of training using her weapons and keeping her stamina up. Since the attack, she felt the need to hone her skills more than usual and aside from her time as both a teacher and a student inside the walls, outside, she reserved time each week for cardio training. Just as in the city, she always remembered that she may never know when she would have to run, and keep running and so, keeping up her fitness level was of great importance. She also didn’t want to become complacent with her weapons. Being attached to a safe zone was one thing, but she still lived outside the walls and should her own land be attacked, she needed to know how to defend it, and herself.

Inside the fences of the fairground were various home-made training sections. Scarecrow-like effigies were tied to the horses of the carousel for knife training and targets were hanging, dotted around the compound for firing at with her bow. When Daryl stepped out of the bushes and gained a view through the fence, he spotted Jess aiming and firing at a target with her bow. Her practice over the months of her being alone had paid off, and she rarely missed a shot through lack of skill, it was just her unsteady nerves and tendency to panic that sometimes put her off.

She lowered her bow when she clocked him working his way along the fence and met him at the gate. Opening it up and clanking it shut behind him. In the clearing between the carousel and the Ferris wheel, she walked to the middle and turned to face him, tossing her bow and quiver to one side.

“You think I can’t handle myself, Dixon?” She challenged.

In truth, she felt far from the capable superhero she presented herself to be. She was tired and on edge, the constant memories of her attack dropping into her mind to remind her of her near-death experience. She hated it and it made her angry and sad and vulnerable. Most of all, she hated the nightmares.

“Seen ya fight. You’re good with Walkers. But it was me that taught ya.” Daryl cleverly pointed out.

“You taught me to fight with a knife” She pointed out, unsheathing her blade and tossing it onto the grass. He raised his eyebrows “we’re not using weapons. Before anything else, those people…and me…we need to learn how to survive in a situation where we aren’t blessed with a blade or a gun. Who better to teach me than a brawler like you?”

“You think I’m a brawler?” He asked with a hint of surprise, although he couldn’t blame her for thinking it with a reputation and a temper like his.

“Tell me, how many fights were you involved in before the turn, Daryl?” She shot back at him.

“Alright. Yeah, a lot.” He accepted, tilting his head to one side with a subtle shrug.

He didn’t know what he’d been anticipating when he offered himself up as a sparring partner, but combat with no weapons was certainly not it. All things considered, he wasn’t entirely displeased with the prospect of being so close to Jess, but he was apprehensive about hurting her. When she raised a hand and beckoned him with one finger, his stomach hummed with a complex mix of nerves, excitement and worry.

“Fight me” She challenged.

“You’re sure about this?” He checked.

“Ahh…you’re scared” She mocked, knowing very well that he was far from afraid of her but delighting in being able to poke fun at him.

“I ain’t scared of nothin’.” He warned.

“So, fight me.” She smiled.

He lunged at her and she dodged his first swing, ducking and jabbing him in the side. She refrained from hitting him as hard as she actually could, unsure of her own strength and not wanting to leave any bruises. He swung a leg under her feet, knocking her off balance and grabbing her arm, spinning her and twisting it behind her back. She took a deep breath while he held her there, trying to ignore the churning in her stomach, the gnawing discomfort of being touched after her near miss at the hands of the two barbaric strangers in Aaron and Eric’s house. Fixating her energy onto the task at hand, she stamped on his foot at the same time as shooting an elbow backwards, into his ribs. A grunt rang through her head and she detected his grip loosen a little, just enough for her to slip down to the floor and out of his grasp. Straightening up again wasn’t all that difficult but she soon grasped that her cockiness was too premature when Daryl simply slapped his hands on her shoulders and knocked her backwards. She stumbled and hit the deck like a toddler, devoid of a single ounce of grace. Flat out on the grass, she gawped up at him when he knelt down with a leg either side of her and held her arms to the ground.

A brief spell of panic flashed through her with the vivid memory of being trapped on the table in Aaron’s house, forced to breathe in the stench of rotten breath from the man holding her down and the pressure on her thighs from the one who intended to violate her. In a split second, she was back in the present, in the fairground and under Daryl with his blue eyes peering down at her.

“You’re holdin’ back.” He rasped at her with a slight smile that made her stomach flutter.

“So are you” she panted back.

“Thought you couldn’t fight the livin’.” He reminded her.

“I can’t” She admitted.

Daryl’s restrained breathlessness hadn’t come from their brief fight, but more from his inability to ignore the magnetism he felt whenever he was near her. Jess’s was a mixture of both their strenuous activity and her deep feelings for him, now strengthened by his need to shield her from any harm that may come her way.

“Guess I am scared of somethin’ after all.” He deliberated

“What’s that?”

“Hurtin’ you.” He admitted.

It was the same for her. She was adamant that she wouldn’t go too far, hit too hard or do anything to leave any pain that lingered. Hurting Daryl was the last thing she wanted and she found herself relating to his statement, but choosing not to acknowledge it with anything more than a feeble nod. Upon moving away from her and allowing her to crawl to a sitting position with her legs stretched out in a V shape, Daryl offered her some constructive criticism which was gratefully received by Jess, who had a genuine burning desire to be able to hold her own should she be faced with two more men who chose to be monsters.

“So much for discussing lesson plans.” She sighed even though she’d gained more pointers from this one, short attempt at fighting than she had at an hour-long lesson inside the walls.

“This was more fun.” Daryl commented. He liked how the stray strands of her hair blew like ribbons in the breeze when they fell from her braid, tickling around her face and tempting him to touch them, to softly graze her skin at every opportunity. She brushed them from her eyes and looked thoughtfully across the fairground.

“Yeah, it was” she uttered.

Jess picked at the grass, collecting long strands of green and winding them around her index finger before ripping them from the earth. But her attention wasn’t on the empty patches of dirt she left in her wake, it was on Daryl and the fact that he’d saved her life. Again. Her eyes lifted to find him already staring at her through his hair, his features set in a serious look.

“Thank you for saving me the other day. I should have said that before.” She offered.

“No need. I’d do it over n’ over. You know that.” he responded. She took his short but sincere reply as the end of it and resumed her grass trimming ritual.

The big issue hanging over them both was the kiss. The sudden, thoughtless and shocking kiss that had rooted Daryl to the spot and sent Jess fleeing in a daze of horror and humiliation. He’d tried to bring it up, accepting that talking it over was something that had to happen for both of their sakes. But Jess was less convinced of its importance while she wished she could turn back time and make a different decision in that moment. As he sat opposite her on the grass and observed her peacefully picking at the blades with her fingers, he guessed that it was as good a time as any. They were alone and without interruption or distraction.

“Jess?” He started.”We ever gonna talk ‘bout what happened afterwards?”

She stilled instantly with her fingertips pinched around a daisy. He could see her chest expand when she drew in a deep troubled breath, her eyes flickered around the area between her knees. Daryl felt like he was holding his breath for the duration of time that it took for her to reply to him and he could do nothing but endure the wait of time ticking by, thirty seconds, then forty.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” She finally said.

Now, he had to be braver, pushier but not demanding. He was treading on thin ice and at the wrong comment, Jess could well have fled into her home and refused to acknowledge that day ever again. It wasn’t an option for Daryl, he needed answers.

“Pretty sure you kissed me.” He braved.

“Please” She scoffed. “That wasn’t a kiss.”

He was baffled. He was as sure as the sun rose every morning that she had stormed up to him in Aaron and Eric’s house and kissed him. After all, he should know, it had been a long time since he’d felt the lips of a female on his and he was highly unlikely to be able to forget the fact that this time around, it was Jess.

“Sure felt like it.” He tried to argue in the most non-confrontational way he could.

Jess got to her feet and flicked the grass from her pants. She made eye contact with him, but only for a brief spell before it became too uncomfortable to withstand. Her defensive side was creeping out.

“Yeah? Well you don’t get to say what it was; you didn’t participate.” She remarked as she stomped across the ground to collect her knife and bow. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to head inside.”

I guess that’s the end of that. He thought.

“Alright.” He admitted defeat and didn’t bother to question her further. He wasn’t in the mood for an argument, especially one about such a touchy subject that he thought he might now be willing to let go after seeing her dislike for the subject being raised. It would still resonate every time he looked at her, that much was evident. But to save her closing up and getting mad at him, he shelved the issue for the time being.

* 

The next couple of days saw Abraham, Glenn and Daryl making several trips to a nearby quarry to gather yet more building supplies. The tower was being expanded and basements secured and concealed as hiding places. The area around the walls was being improved with a walkway and platforms with spaces to mount rifles and sadly, the graveyard was being expanded.

Rick was barely seen for 48 hours while he embarked on a low key, one-man mission to find any more tracks of enemy groups that may be laying in wait to attack the town. So far, nothing had been found and he and Deanna could only conclude that for the time being, they were safe enough.

Jess was sitting with the town’s leader on the front porch when a truck rolled through the gates and Abraham, Glenn and Daryl climbed out and began unloading wood and metal beams from the back. Jess had been talked into accepting a lemonade from Deanna, which was much to her irritation but to save face and not come across as though she was a harbinger of misery, she gracefully agreed and promised herself than ten minutes of chit chat would do the trick. Really, she just wanted to go back to the Fairground and hide, as she had done since the attack. The only things bringing her out of her sanctuary being the unavoidable or the necessary.

The truck appeared just in time for Jess to make her excuses and leave as Deanna began to mention moving inside the walls once more. With a subtle eye roll and a sigh, Jess placed her empty glass on the table, thanked Deanna for her hospitality and hopped down the steps towards the truck, where Abraham was buckled over and complaining to anyone within earshot that he’d pulled something in his back.

Without thinking too much of it and under Daryl’s speculative gaze as he helped Glenn move the materials, Jess set to work on loosening the knots in Abraham’s back using her thumbs to dig deep into the muscles in the hope of increasing the blood flow and lessening the pain. Abraham’s reddened face started to calm and gradually he managed to straighten back up again. Jess kept her distance, uneasy about being so close to anyone. She’d managed it with Daryl during their sparring but it wasn’t without its tribulations and she still didn’t trust her own mental health to hold up while so close to another person. She felt her own face flush with heat when Abraham began moaning loudly and attracting the attention of everyone around.

“Yeeeeah! That’s right girl, don’t stop!” He cried while she worked on his lower back, making sure that she wasn’t just moving the problem to another area. In his waistband, was a 9mm that she brushed the handle off as she went. “Careful of my gun, honey. You’re gonna make it go off all over the joint at this rate” He chuckled “It’s loaded.”

“Oh, shut up, Abe.” Jess scoffed, still uncomfortable but wanting to help her friend and failing to hide a grin. Catching Daryl’s eye as he stalked past, she noticed him taking a drag on a cigarette and scowling at them both.

“You wanna go a little further down, there? You can play with the beanbag. I’ll let ‘cha.” He added.

“Ew!” Jess squealed back.

No matter how she dressed it up and no matter how together Abraham was with Rosita, Daryl still struggled not to feel the unwanted familiarity of jealousy when she giggled along like she was a small child, totally enthralled. He couldn't say anything about it, to do so would have put their friendship at risk, and that was something he wouldn’t do without definitive proof that she felt the same. Friends like her don't come along too often. Maybe if he had a little more height and a little more presence along with a vulgar sense of humor, she might forget about the large military man that garnered so much of her attention, but the truth as he saw it, was that on a generous assessment, his own looks and personality were less than ordinary but far from appealing.

A slap rang out across the street when Jess’s hand collided with Abraham's shoulder and she shoved him away from her, chuckling loudly at his boisterous sense of humor. Abe placed a big hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze, thanking her for her assistance and turning slightly more serious when she twisted away from him and let her smile fade at the discomfort of the physical contact. Daryl pretended to sort the smaller chunks of wood and brackets on the back seat, gaining himself a front row seat to their conversation.

“You alright? You look kinda tired” Abraham noticed. Jess wrinkled her forehead and squinted in the sunshine.

“I’m fine. Just not sleeping much.” She admitted.

“Well, you watch your 6 out there while you’re huntin’ and tired. Or, I’ma have to rat you out to ya boyfriend.” He warned.

“Daryl isn’t the boss of me, Abraham.” She corrected boldly with a hint of sass.

Abraham’s face lit up and he chortled to himself while peering down his nose at her. Totally unaware of what she’d just said, she raised her hands in a clueless gesture.

“What?” She asked.

“Oh nothin’…It’s just…who said I meant Daryl?” He replied with a wide grin under his mustache.

The trucks door slammed and Jess flinched at the sound, whirling around in time to see Daryl sling a heavy canvas bag over his shoulder and glimpse at her as if he was running away from something. She waited for him to join Glenn on the other side of the street before slowly turning back to Abraham with her jaw taut and her hand tapping her thigh nervously.

I really hope he didn’t hear that.

Abraham stepped closer to her and guided her around the truck and out of Daryl’s sight by her elbow “Y’know, he might have the cure to your grouchiness, young lady.” He suggested with a knowing grin.

“Don’t you dare” She warned with a thin smile and a wag of her finger.

“C’mooooon, don’t tell me you don’t wanna pet that Python.” He beamed, shooting her a quick wink.

“What?! Abe! No!” She exclaimed. Horrified at his crude and yet not entirely unfunny remark.

“Well why the hell not?!” He asked.

She briefly stared off into space, at nothing in particular and tried to figure out a way of explaining the situation to him without drawing more dirty comments out of him. Clinging to the only thing she thought he could maybe relate to, she tried her luck.

“You a Star Wars fan?” She started

“I seen the movies, yeah.” He shrugged.

“OK, so I’m like a Padawan in this apocalypse. He’s my Jedi master, teaching me the ways of the force. They don’t have relationships.”

His bushy eyebrows changed position as he thought it over but her explanation was soon met with an incredulous expression and a huff of disbelief.

“Shit, girl” He commented “It ain’t no lightsaber. It’s not gonna take ya hand off”

Before the conversation could get any worse and before her anxiety reared its ugly head, Jess decided to beat a hasty retreat.

“I gotta get back to the fairground. Goodbye, Abraham.” She said sternly, seeing him chuckle back at her and raise a hand in a departing wave.

*

Spinning around and heading for the gate, she very nearly charged straight into Daryl, who was returning to the truck to collect the last of the materials. His eyes connected with hers before darting away again, concentrating on hauling the door open with a notable amount of strength and much more than was actually needed. She backed away from him, almost able to see the anger seething from him like smoke from a fire.

“What’s with the long face?” She questioned hesitantly.

“Nothin’.” He grumbled under his breath, reaching into the truck cab and retrieving his crossbow. He slung it over his shoulder and slammed the door shut so loudly that Deanna rose from her seat on the porch and craned her neck to check there was nothing dramatic going on. Jess moved back and decided that she was too exhausted for one of Daryl’s complicated moods and went to turn to the gate when she heard him mutter something from behind her.

“Why’s he gotta do that?”

She slowly looked back at him, his face was stony, as it had been for the duration of Abraham’s massage and he was seemingly doing absolutely nothing to hide it.

“Who? Abe?” She checked. Soon opting not to wait for a reply. “He’s just joking.”

“Yeah, well it pisses me off” He blurted out against his better judgement. He had set out to mask his jealousy, to keep it inside and not mention it again, but his anger could make him impulsive and reckless and, as was apparent at that moment, snappy.

“Are you jealous again?” Jess asked. If he wasn’t going to acknowledge it, she was going to do it for him. Far be it from her to be subjected to and expected to suffer the moody nature of Daryl’s complex thinking. She’d done nothing wrong and wasn’t about to tiptoe around him and pander to a reaction that was his problem, not hers.

“No” he grunted.

“I think you are. But whatever you say” she sighed as she walked away. That was the end of it as far as she was concerned and having known Daryl for as long as she did, she began to wait until he swallowed his pride and sought her out to offer a shy apology.

*

Her suspicions were confirmed when he showed up at the fairgrounds gate when she was softy rocking back and forth in one of the Ferris wheel carts. He paced about impatiently while she climbed down and ambled towards the gate, unlocking it and allowing him inside. With his fingers shoved into his pockets, he nervously watched her through the greasy front strands of his hair and nibbled on his bottom lip.

“Sorry… ‘bout back there.” He mumbled. “Don’t know what got into me”

His urgent need to apologize was fueled by his inability to keep his mouth shut and the horror he felt when he thought back over how he’d behaved and the things he’d blurted out uncontrollably.

“Jealousy got into you. But it’s okay, forget it.” She snapped.

All at once, fatigue hit her out of the blue and a simple yawn turned into a stumble backwards against a disused trash can. She grabbed backwards with her hands, steadying herself and feeling Daryl grip one of her elbows. He dragged his vision up and down her body, paying careful attention to her eyes, which were boasting dark circles underneath. Regaining her stance, she managed to stand back up again. 

“You gonna tell me what’s goin on?” he pressed.

“Nothing-” She tried.

“-Jess you look like shit.”

She blinked dramatically at him, more to clear her vision than anything else but his direct and reasonably hurtful comment was not lost on her.

“Wow. Thanks. Just leave if you don’t want to look at me.” She remarked.

“I-I don’t mean that how it sounded. You look exhausted. It ain’t good. Ya never look like this. I ain’t seen ya eat nothin’ in days. Ya don’t wanna be near nobody.” His observations were not unfounded and very little got past him when it came to Jess. She was his reason to smile, only she hadn’t been doing a lot of that herself since the attack.

“Well, I could use losing the extra pounds and that’s ridiculous, I’m around people all the time.” She argued.

“Oh really? Cause ya don’t spend time with nobody no more. When was the last time ya had a real conversation with Aaron? Huh?” It was a rhetorical question and one he knew she couldn’t protest at. “Ya lock yaself up in this place and you’re in and out of Alexandria quicker than a fuckin’ mail man.”

“That’s complete crap” She scoffed.

“Alright” He spat “Fine” His tone was aggravated but determined and she could tell he was up to something straight away.

He moved closer to her, looming over her and standing so close that when he inhaled, his chest almost touched hers. Her senses exploded and she became intoxicated by him. Her eyes fluttered and her heart rate quickened.

“Then you won’t mind if I stand right here.” He growled “See? You’re scared.” He watched her breathing change and her lips part. “You’re breathin’ hard. Can see ya hands shakin’ too.”

Scared? I’m not scared of you. I’m in love with you and you’re standing so close to me I could kiss you again.

“That’s not because I’m scared of you, you idiot.” She whispered. “It’s because I’m not. Y-you don’t scare me. You make me nervous.”

Jess couldn’t recall another soul that she’d met in her life that made her as nervous as Daryl did. Everything about him set her on edge but in the best way possible. If only he wanted her the way she wanted him, the chemistry would be electric.

“That ain’t good.” He told her.

“It is.” She corrected “It means I care what you think of me.”

“Right now, I think ya need to tell me what’s goin’ on with you.” He took one small step back to allow her some breathing room but at the same time cementing the fact that until she was honest with him, he wasn’t going anywhere. But Jess was reluctant, feeling childish and ashamed that her nightmares were having such an impact on her life. They were just dreams, bad dreams that she knew were not real. But their vivid and realistic nature was enough to mean they stayed with her all day long. She understood that a problem shared was usually a problem halved, but could Daryl really help her with something as complicated and personal as night terrors? He’d made it clear that he was the one that she was to tell if she needed to talk about anything and for that gesture of reaching out to her, she felt she owed him the truth.

“Nightmares. Okay? I have nightmares about that night.” She admitted.

Daryl sighed and closed his eyes briefly. He was smarter than to expect her to come out of such an ordeal with no lasting psychological effects, even if it was the apocalypse. Dreams were something he had some experience with himself and when he thought of how bad his own could get and so many years on from his trauma, his heart lurched and he wanted to hold onto her.

“Jess…” he paused “…do you, do you feel safe…with me?” he asked.

“Yes” She answered straight away “You’re the only person I feel safe with.”

He nodded and backed away from her but she could tell he was still deep in thought. She took a couple of steps around him in an attempt to see his face but he lowered his head and stroked his beard. She wondered if she should end the conversation there and then and vanish inside. But something about his body language was telling her to stay put.

“I’ll stay.” He eventually said, turning to see her eyebrows raise.

“What?” She croaked.

“I’ll stay here with ya tonight and any other nights you need. I’ll watch ya back while you sleep. Keep ya safe.” He offered.

Jess was touched and bowled over by his willingness to stay right by her side until he knew she was okay. She’d never have anyone exercise such a fierce protective side over her before and for a moment, she considered that if he never wanted her the way she wished he did, he would make an attentive and devoted partner for someone else.

“I can’t expect you to do that.” She told him.

“Would it help?” he asked.

“Maybe. Probably.”

“We’re friends, right?”

“Of course.”

“Then I’m here until ya don’t need me to be.”

She almost dived on him and wrapped her arms around him. It was this secret, sensitive and thoughtful side of him that she’d fallen for. The Daryl that hardly anyone got to see, anyone except her and because he chose to show her through his trust in her. The idea of some real sleep was a tempting one and after a lingering glance with Daryl, Jess agreed to let him stay.

*

The inside of the Diner was proof that Jess wasn’t coping with her exhaustion and the aftermath of the attack. Her living space, usually tidy and organized, was messy. Clothes were strewn everywhere along with empty cans and thin strips of wood for arrows that had never been touched. Books were discarded on the coffee table and the bed was unmade. It was totally different to how he’d seen it before and it only served to increase his worry for her.

She used the Diners kitchen to change into an over-sized T-shirt and shorts for the night and as she did so, Daryl averted his gaze from the view through the transparent display fridge, affording her some privacy and dignity no matter how much he wanted to witness the beauty of her that she seemed to know nothing about. He removed his boots and vest and settled in an armchair opposite her bed, draping his vest over his arms in defense of the slight, biting cold in the room. When she returned, she wordlessly slid under the covers. Daryl shuffled around in the chair and prepared to keep a close vigil over her, when he glanced up and saw her staring at him.

“What is it? You okay?” He questioned.

“We’re friends and we have shared beds before.” She pointed out “You’re not sleeping on that chair. Come here.”

He had no interest in arguing but made sure not to leave the chair too quickly for fear of coming across as too keen. She moved to the far side and spread the pillows out as Daryl sat beside her and lay back. He fluffed the pillows behind his back, wanting to ensure he was slightly more elevated than her so he could see her should she wake. Jess snuggled down beside him and closed her eyes.

After a while, he realized that he hadn’t stopped looking at her, examining every part of her and resisting the urge to trace his fingertips over her bare upper arm and through her hair. A deep sigh escaped her lips and he didn’t know why or what had changed but he wasn’t strong enough to resist anymore. He felt down her arm with his fingertips and it set her skin alight with a blissful tingling. Torn between not reacting and finding a way to let him know she wasn’t going to push him away, she looked up at him and was floored when he lifted his arm and nudged his head up at her. Her mind was crowded with questions. Why was he doing this? Did he really want her to be closer to him? Was he going to change his mind? She would find no answers through inaction and so, she pulled herself closer to him. He remained there, waiting with his arm up and it dawned on her; he was trying to tell her that she should sleep on him. Knowing a good opportunity when she saw it and believing it to be a one off that she would never forget, she didn’t ask if he was sure. Instead, she nervously rested her head and hand on his chest, feeling the powerful beat of his heart under her palm. He closed his arm around her, over her shoulders and it was like a switch was flicked when she fell into a deep sleep. No flinching, no skin crawling, no trembling. Just peace. 

Daryl spent the next few hours drifting in and out of a light snooze, waking every time he remembered where he was, why he was there and that Jess was out for the count on his chest. It was a momentous occasion for him, having never even slept in the same bed as another woman, let alone one he cared so much about. Disregarding his own inhibitions and allowing such a thing was not something he’d ever thought would happen. But it had and he knew when she began to whimper and jolt in her sleep that he would do just about anything to keep her in one piece and by his side. He gently drew her closer, gradually enveloping her in both arms so as not to wake her and startle her. Her hair was as soft as silk under his fingers as he hushed her and lulled her back to a peaceful sleep;

“Shh. I got you. S’alright. Shh”

*

Morning broke and with it came the slither of bright light through the gap in the concealed windows. In the seconds that preceded her waking, she struggled to remember where she was or why she was there. Somehow wondering why she was not in her bed in her apartment surrounded by her dragon collection and listening to the street below as the world woke up. Then, reality hit and the comfy, warm pillow under her turned out to be Daryl. It all came flooding back. She didn’t know if he was awake or not and lay as still as possible to avoid him detecting that she was no longer asleep. She was going to hold onto this treat for as long as she possibly could. She nuzzled closer to him and to her delight, felt him hold her tighter. Her heart began to flutter and her stomach hummed with butterflies when it occurred to her that he’d pushed his face into her hair and was rubbing his thumb over the skin of her upper arm.

This is bliss. Pure bliss. I think I died in the night and this is heaven.

Daryl could not believe his luck. He wondered why it didn’t feel strange to him or make him tense and nervous because of so much physical affection that he just wasn’t used to. Having only ever been touched by hands with violent intent, he was surprised to find that snuggling Jess just felt right to him. In the darkness her skin felt like a little touch of heaven, warm, together, cozy. He wished he could extend the night just so he could stay close to her for longer, with her safe in his embrace. His arms wrapped right around her brought a peace he’d never known before, a calming of the storms in his heart and he hoped it was the same for her too, although he may never know. But it was her that gave him hope for the future, made him start to believe that there was nothing out there to fear. But then he would have to leave, maybe before the sun is fully risen in the sky and he must stand alone again, be his own person instead of Jess’s person.

Why am I not freakin’ out here? Shit. I don’t ever want to move.

She fought with all her might but Jess could not manage to hold in a small cough and had no choice but to let him know she was awake. He instantly felt as though she would want to move away but when he tried to release her from his arms, she held onto him, sliding the hand on his chest over his torso and clinging to him.

“No. Just…A little while longer.” She whispered. “Please”

Maybe I shouldn’t be assuming so much. This girl is full of surprises.

More than happy to stay put, Daryl accepted that it was what he wanted. He wanted to be able to do this with her every night. He wanted to be the person she trusted and felt safe with and ran to. He wanted to be able to hold her and kiss her and soothe her.

After her restful sleep, disturbed by only the beginning of a nightmare before it filtered out to nothing, Jess slowly rolled over, trapping his arm beneath her neck, stretching her muscles and cracking her back. He tried to look away, to give her the same privacy as he did before, but she was mesmerizing. He noted the fading bruises on her thighs, fading to a green. Apparently not picking up on his admiration of her, Jess sat up with messy hair and sleepy eyes and took his hand, turning it over and leaving a delicate kiss on his skin which felt like tiny sparks of electricity flitting through his entire arm.

“Thank you.” She whispered before shuffling off the bed and leaving him there, stunned and unable to stop smiling to himself.

*

At the vegetable patch, Jess caught Aaron as he took a break from digging in the heat and shared her bottle of water with him. She’d arrived back from her Walker clearing duties and re-filled it in the pantry, along with filling her backpack with her weekly rations of canned and dried goods. Her head was stuffed, filled with too many thoughts and weighted with tiredness. She’d woken twice during every night since, nightmares plaguing her and bringing with them terror, cold sweats and a reluctance to sleep at all. Every night except the night she'd slept on Daryl's chest. 

Aaron, having been worried about Jess since the attack but unable to speak to her properly, was finally grateful to get a moment alone with her, which was something she’d avoided very openly. When he confronted her and asked why she’d pretended as if he didn’t exist, she admitted that she was having difficulty processing what had happened. That the events of that night were still all too fresh in her mind and that she didn’t quite feel like herself yet. He accepted it with more understanding than she'd thought and also thanked her from the bottom of his heart for saving his life that day. 

After giving him just enough information to placate his questioning, she informed him that she didn’t need to keep talking about it. In fact, she would rather not and expressed that she just needed time and patience to be able to move past it. However, there was one thing she wanted to run by him and there was no one else that she ever would have imagined telling other than Aaron. She swore him to secrecy, once again threatening to destroy his collection of license plates from across the states.

Aaron quickly swiped the back of his glove across his sweaty brow and got comfortable on the wall where they perched, passing the bottle back and forth between them. Jess tapped on the outside of the plastic with one fingernail while she tried to find the right words to convey exactly what had happened between her and Daryl that night.

“When he saved me, in the house. I think I had some kind of breakdown. I was terrified. I was crying, and then…then I was laughing.” She said with a confused snort of entertainment. Hearing it said out loud made it even harder to decipher. She handed him the bottle and he took a large gulp. “I couldn’t control it and it was because…I was alive. I was alive because of Daryl. I-I didn’t think, Aaron. I just…I kissed him.”

A choking sound spluttered from beside her and she turned her head to see Aaron coughing and staring at her in shock. He wiped his lips and blinked at her for a moment before clearing his throat and shuffling closer on the

“Uh, you did what?” he asked.

Jess glanced around at the other workers. She could see Eric through the green bean trellis, his eyebrows knitted together at the thought of Jess and Aaron sharing gossip without him. At the other end of the patch, Carol and Carl were picking fruits with Judith, who Jess could hear singing to herself without a care in the world. As she picked raspberries, she ate them intermittently; one for the pot, one for Judith and so on. Unbeknownst to Jess and Aaron, Daryl was smoking against the partition wall in front of the gate, at the back of the brick built one they were sitting on. It was the waiting area for those gearing up to leave for supply runs. Having heard his name mentioned, he edged closer to find he could hear every single word of their conversation. He smirked to himself, took a drag on his smoke and leaned back, enjoying the show.

“I kissed him. I made a huge mistake.” Jess reiterated in a low voice

“Why do you think it was a mistake?” Aaron questioned.

She closed her eyes and felt dread course through her body when she remembered how her lips connected with Daryl’s and how he’d stood there like a statue, shocked and baffled by her behavior.

“Because he doesn’t want that from me. He didn’t kiss me back. In fact, he froze up and I just… I just ran.” She relayed.

Aaron remembered watching her flee from the house as though the devil was chasing her and Eric wanting to go after her. Maybe if he’d let him, he’d have been told about Jess’s rogue kiss sooner. But the look on her face and the desperation with which she left the town, like she was nothing but a fleeting shadow, told him that she wouldn’t be sitting next to him and confessing with her sanity somewhat intact if she’d been made to admit everything at the time.

“I see.” He sighed, “So, what’s going on with you two now?”

She’d never been more confused in her life about the dynamics of her relationship with another person. This was a first and Jess couldn’t honesty put her finger on what exactly was happening between them, if there was anything.

“I mean, I still think he’s amazing and super-hot and we hug now, we-we do that. And hand holding. We do that now too. We also…snuggled” She confessed shyly.

“You snuggled?!” Aaron gasped, a little louder than Jess was comfortable with. She held her hand out flat in front of him, lowering it to signal that he should take more care over the volume of his voice.

“Yes. I have these bad dreams. He was taking care of me. It was the most blissful thing I’ve ever experienced and I can probably die happy now. I don’t know what it meant though. Do you? What does it mean?” She questioned in a panic.

Aaron could only shake his head as if there was too much going on, he was staring at her in disbelief at how she couldn’t possibly see what was so obvious to him.

“Kiss him again.” He instructed, ignoring her previous questions and getting straight to the point.

“What?! And prolong this torture?! No!” She growled at him quietly.

“You caught him off guard,” he explained “ Kiss him again and he’ll kiss you back. I know he will. I just know it.”

Jess wasn’t convinced, in fact, the whole idea was absurd to her and it also carried far too much risk. She considered herself lucky that Daryl was even still speaking to her, the last thing she wanted to do was send him running for the hills after giving him another unwanted kiss.

“You don’t know that. Stop getting all excited, I’m not kissing him again.” She dismissed. “There’s no point. No matter how much I like him, he doesn’t like me in the same way.”

“Oh, you’re so wrong” Aaron laughed as he handed her the bottle back with a thud against her arm. She snatched it away from him and narrowed her gaze.

“You’re supposed to be helping me through this minefield, not making it worse!” She told him. Her vision lifted to see Daryl appear at the corner having come from the gate and she momentarily stilled with sheer terror at the thought of him having heard their conversation. But he looked like he’d just arrived and seemed relaxed enough and so, she clung onto that tiny shred of hope.

“Aaaanndd that’s how I think Vision or Dr strange could probably fix all this” she lied with her eyebrows high at Aaron, who slowly started to nod when he noted Daryl’s presence.

“Yes. Yes! Absolutely. I think you’re right.” He commented, adding to Jess’s thin and pointless untruth.

*

That day Jess was restless and after having heard the one thing he’d been longing to hear for so long, so was Daryl. Finally, he had confirmation that she did, in fact, like him as more than a friend and it had become a struggle for him to go about his day without a smile on his face, which he knew everyone and their uncle would soon notice due to it being so far removed from how he usually conducted himself.

Jess found herself in the armory after offering to take over for a couple of hours, it was an unusual task for her but one that kept her busy and away from Daryl, who she couldn’t stop staring at as he cleaned his bike on the drive of the Grimes home. Her job was simple, to count all the guns and ammo and report any discrepancies. Rick was already out and there were no other runs scheduled that day so she figured she would be done before midday and could spend the rest of the morning at the fairground until it was time for training. Which had been pushed back to the late afternoon to avoid anyone getting sunstroke from the heat.

Cleaning his bike was not a pointless task, he was preparing for a recruiting run which, to his delight meant he had to visit the armory to check out a gun. He wasn’t sure that he liked the giddy, happy feeling that was dwelling in his chest and stomach, was this how teenagers felt when they developed a crush for the first time? Still, he couldn’t help it and it was so strong he found that he couldn't concentrate on little else as he polished the same spot on the tank of his bike over and over again. His next course of action was a mystery to him, finding out such information was not common in Daryl’s world. In fact, it was unheard of and he was now in new territory and faced with two options; forget he’d heard what Jess had said and do nothing in the knowledge that she had no designs on kissing him again. Or, make a move. The latter was terrifying to him, but it was also the one thing he wanted more than anything, the chance to be with Jess in the way they both seemed to want. But, there was something stopping him; his belief that despite how much he cared for her, Jess deserved better than he could ever offer.

The armory was quiet as Jess worked her way through the neatly written checklists of guns and ammo. Shelf by shelf she ticked them off, checking their condition and cleaning the shelves and racking. It was a job normally performed by Olivia, who also oversaw the rationing of food from the pantry. She had been more than happy to hand over the reins when Jess turned up looking for a job that would take her away from other human beings for a while. She hummed a gentle tune to herself as she worked, coming to the end of a row and planting herself in Olivia's dilapidated swivel chair. She signed the paperwork off and held her breath when Daryl wandered into the room, nudged his head up at her and began picking through the guns.

“Take what you want but just tell me what you’re taking so I can cross it off.” She told him without looking up from the list. She flipped the page and began to scan through the names of the ammunition that was kept in a closet at the end of the room. It was silent in the armory, so much so, that she felt the need to raise her gaze and check on Daryl. She peered at him over the top of the clipboard. He was smirking at her.

“What?” She asked uneasily.

“Nothin’.” He replied, picking up a gun and sucking both lips into his mouth to disguise the strong smile that was forming.

Jess wasn’t convinced, something was amiss and she could feel it in her gut. Something had changed and there was a clear difference in how Daryl was acting.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she demanded as she stood up and lowered the clipboard to her side.

“I ain’t lookin’ atcha like nothin’.” He said, his lips now curling at the sides and his eyes lighting up.

“You keep smiling at me.” She pointed out.

Shit. Can’t fuckin’ help it, girl.

“Maybe I’m just havin’ a good day.” He reasoned.

Jess dropped the clipboard onto the chair and slowly moved closer to him, growing more and more suspicious with each step. It briefly crossed her mind that he may have heard her conversation with Aaron earlier on, but it was unlikely, they’d both been careful to keep their voices down and when Daryl had stepped into view, he’d given away no signs that he’d heard a thing and such subject matter was bound to provoke some kind of reaction. No, this was strange, it had to be something else and she wasn’t done questioning him.

“This is weird. You’re weird. You’re never having a good day and you sure as hell never smile this much. What is wrong with you?” She pressed, narrowing her gaze at him and finding it difficult not to copy his amused expression.

“I told ya, nothin’. Smilin’ ain’t no crime, Jess.” He answered with a small laugh, holding up the gun he’d chosen. She picked up the clipboard again and crossed it off, watching him carefully as he sauntered to the ammo room and plucked a box from the shelf.

She stopped talking but still glared intermittently at him. He continued to smirk at her and nibble his lower lip as he loaded the gun and made his way to the door. Leaning on the frame before he left, he lingered and toyed with the idea of taking her out with him. At least he would get to be close to her, knowing what he knew, no matter how inexplicable it was that she liked him.

“Goin lookin’ for people. You could come with” He suggested.

“No. I’m going home once I’m done here. Be careful out there” she murmured as she scanned the names on the page, ticking off the items Daryl had selected and marking them as ‘checked out’ with Daryl’s initials at the side.

“You feel better?” he questioned

Then, she met his eye and the very real memory of her curled up in his arms flashed through her head. She did feel better, as if he’d been some kind of medicine to her and fought off the nightmares with his presence alone.

“Yeah. Much better. Thank you.” She said.

“You know I can be there with ya anytime, right? Just gotta say” He reminded her in the hope that she would take him up on it once more. She presented him with a small smile and nod before she sat down again and bit down on the end of her pencil.

“Jess” he rasped.

“Mm?” She hummed, still fixated on the page in her lap. He’d lost her attention and admitted defeat.

You kissed me and it’s driving me crazy

“Nothin’. See ya around.”

*

Recruiting was useless when there was so much hanging over him, yet he persevered, trudging through humid fields and tracking what turned out to be nothing but Walkers. The grass was dry and crackled under his boots when he crossed through open land to check wooded areas for signs of camps or discarded food containers. But he found nothing, only the restless cycling of his mind and the nervousness in his hands as he tried to roll a smoke. Loath to continue on as he was, he decided that he had to say something. He was sure that he had little to nothing to offer her past the friendship he’d already provided, but if it meant things were clearer and he was surer about where he stood, it was worth the discomfort of asking about the kiss yet again.

Arriving back at Alexandria as the sun was going down, he dismounted his bike and took in the pleasant orange glow that illuminated the town. Dusk always seemed to be picturesque since the end of the world, or maybe he just never appreciated it before. He was always following Merle, treading in his footsteps, being the run around, ducking from the cops and wasting his time in bars or laying on the couch as high as a kite. Now, he could enjoy the things he missed from before, like the sunset, the sunrise, the gentle sway of the leaves in the woods when he was in the tower and the blue-eyed, dark-haired nerd that grabbed his sanity and ran away with it at a quarry one day.

Jess was sitting by the pond, fiddling with the straps on her finger-less gloves and adjusting her bracers. She’d removed them to take part in close combat training, a lesson which she was finding to be beneficial not only in skills, but as a distraction from the traumatized state of mind she drifted around in. Daryl sat beside her and for what ended up being a number of minutes, neither of them spoke. He leaned back on the bench, stretching his legs and resting one ankle over the other. Wishing there was some kind of rule book he could follow that would talk him through how to approach such tedious subjects, he sighed loudly, drawing Jess’s attention.

“Find any signs of life today?” She questioned while pondering where his smug and smiley attitude from just hours before had disappeared to.

“Nah. Waste of time.” He grumbled.

“Training went well this afternoon.” She told him “Thanks for the fight the other day. I think I needed the perspective. Y’know, measure what I was capable of before so I had a starting point.”

“No problem. Didn’t do nothin’ Abraham wouldn’t have done.” He snipped. Jess chose to ignore the dig at her friend, putting it down to his ever-growing jealousy and the denial with which he tried to hide it. Confronting him about it would only end badly.

“Yeah, right. Abraham is a great teacher, but extra-curricular lessons with him would be a little too much.” She mused with a small huff “He’d probably have me in tears or smoking cigars-”

“-why’d you kiss me?” Daryl asked, forcing the question out and turning slightly to face her. She was statue still with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open from being interrupted. Daryl’s heart began to hammer in his chest and he considered that maybe he should have just ignored what he’d heard, that way, nothing had to change.

“W-what?” She stammered.

“Don’t say ya didn’t, cause ya did.” He warned carelessly. Words were tumbling from his lips without him thinking about them at all as impulse took over “I know I asked before but ya shot me down without a real answer n’ I’m sorry…but I need to know, Jess.”

Very slowly, her mouth closed and she licked her bottom lip, turning her body to face the pond and scanning the dimly lit floor beneath her boots. She could tell him the truth; that she was in love with him and that’s why she kissed him. Or, she could protect their friendship and go with the more painful half-truth, that she was overwhelmed and couldn’t control her actions. What she really wanted to do to escape the pressure, was say very little. Just enough to satisfy his questioning.

“I…I don’t know.” She croaked.

He nodded once and leaned forwards, rubbing his face with both of his hands. Why did this have to be so complicated? So far, he’d not progressed any further than he had when he first sat down. Why didn’t she know? Dissatisfied with her answer, he released a quiet, frustrated growl that told her in no uncertain terms that he was not happy.

She’s never going to tell me, is she? She told Aaron, but she won’t tell me…?

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I didn’t mean to confuse everything. I don’t know what I was thinking”

“Mm. Wish I did.” He admitted with no regard for how irritated he sounded.

Sensing that she’d touched a nerve and bothered him with her inexplicable actions and dislike for deliberating the subject, she was well aware that any further attempts to make things right could end in a fight or, worse still, the end of their friendship. Unbearable guilt festered in the pit of her stomach and while she’d dreamed of kissing him a thousand times over, she would take it back in a heartbeat if she could.

“I should get back. It’s late. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She sighed, rising from the bench and pacing away from the pond. Before Daryl could think of something to stop her, she was already through the gate. Anger began to spike in his veins. All he wanted was a straight answer, so he could tell her that he liked her too, but she was better off with someone who had more to offer. But now, their friendship was left in choppy waters and sinking fast. He sprang up from the bench and stormed after her.

*

Jess clicked on the battery-operated light that hung above the lock for the gate to the Fairground and released the mechanism. She’d practically sprinted all the way back, literally trying to run away from her problems without stopping once on the journey. Now, she took a moment to pause and rested her forehead against the cold metal of the fence post. She let out a long sigh, hoping it would regulate the nerves and sadness in her heart. She hated that she’d angered him, hated that she’d confused him and put him in a position where he was forced to question her bizarre actions twice.

Aaron was wrong, she was sure of that. There wasn’t a chance in hell that he’d want her to kiss him again and so, she resigned herself to trying to repair the damage done by acting as if nothing had changed. It would be hard and it would hurt like hell. But it had to be done because having Daryl as a friend was better than not having Daryl at all.

A rustle from behind her had her gripping the gate post, ready to haul it open when she saw the blurred reflection of a figure behind her in the metal. Just about able to make out something on the figures right shoulder, the penny dropped and she relaxed.

“Step to the left and you’ll lose your leg to a bear trap, clubfoot.” She quipped.

It was Daryl and the shape at his shoulder was his crossbow. Obviously forgetting his stealth skills, he’d charged through the woods in pursuit of her and given hardly any thought to what he would say when he caught up. Overthinking things hadn’t done him any favors before so, he went with his instincts.

“So fuckin smug, ain’t ya?” He scoffed with a side step to the right, away from the trap she’d mentioned.

Assuming his presence was down to his concern about her sleepless nights and bad dreams again, she moved to face him and leaned back against the gate.

“You don’t have to stay. I’ll be fine.” She said softly.

“That ain’t why I’m here.” He stated.

Dread reached every limb in her body and she was sure she could even feel it in her toes. Had he really turned up there for a full-blown argument?!

“Then why are you here?” She questioned with a shaky voice and a hand tapping at her thigh. His eyes clocked her nervous ritual, one she’d had since the quarry and he worried that he was unsettling her a little too much. It wasn’t his aim but he needed to get to the bottom of exactly what was going on between them.

“It gonna happen again?” he asked. Halfway through his sentence, his voice cracked and Jess swallowed hard. All of a sudden, it became clear why he was there and what he was referring to. He wasn’t done discussing that kiss.

“Please, Daryl” Her eyes began to moisten and she huffed out a jagged breath “We have been over this. Can we just forget about that?”

I can’t forget about it. You kissed me and you like me and I have no idea why. But you are everything to me and it’s making me crazy. I can’t concentrate on shit; it’s messed my day up in the best way. I ain’t no good for you but you are all I think about and I think you need to know that.

“Can’t.” was the only word that croaked from his mouth.

“Well… try.” She pleaded with a slight stomp of one foot like a child having a tantrum.

“I have” he mumbled

“Oh, for god sakes.” She complained. Then, the floodgate opened and every thought she had on the subject seemed to pour out uncontrollably and once she started, she couldn’t find the strength to stop. “I was just overwhelmed, OK? I made a stupid split-second decision and it was wrong. I didn’t even know what I was doing until I was doing it and I’m sorry, you didn’t want it and I’d rather we just forgot about it instead of you making me re-live the humiliation like this. It’s like ‘Journal-reading 2.0’. It’s not fair, I would have thought it was obvious-“

“Jess?” he tried to cut in.

“-That I don’t want to talk about it because it could screw up our friendship and even though I think you’re a…damn fine looking man and you’re just amazing I don’t want you looking at me like I’m some kind of hussy or like I’m going to throw myself at you because really, it was just a one off and I was so happy to be alive. You saved me and I just got carried away with that, it’s not going to-“

“Jess?”

“-Happen again. I’ll make sure of that. I mean, I can admire from afar and you could just be a gentleman about it and not bring it up anymore. I hope I’ve answered your question and you’re going to stop being mad at m-”

He kissed her and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingled and his tongue brushed the crease of her lips. She ran her fingers down the lapels of his leather vest, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest. Although startled, her head filled with air like she was floating when she kissed him back. His kiss was deliberate and with just enough pressure to tell her that he really did want to do it but didn’t want to scare her.

It was the first time Daryl had kissed anyone in years and as he sensed her relax in his grasp, it occurred to him that he had never kissed anyone because he actually wanted to, until that fateful, memorable moment and it felt incredible, especially when he heard her whimper against him. Her knees were so weak she thought she might crumple but he was pushing her against the fence and her mind fell into a blissful, blank state where nothing mattered anymore. There were no Walkers, no death, no apocalypse. There was only her and Daryl and the fact that he had kissed her. Making it more than just a simple locking of lips, it was deep and filled with so much that neither of them could figure out how to say to each other.

When they broke apart for air, he rested his forehead against hers and gathered some much-needed oxygen. His blink and you’d miss it smirk told her everything she wished for, for so long and she could only stare at him, sinking into his hold.

“Just shut up.” He uttered.

Then, the smallest of laughs was exchanged between them and they finally made eye contact which proved to him that she was just as nervous as he was. She still stared up at him with a sparkle in her eyes that he had put there and her lips were slightly pink from the kiss. Daryl stepped back, breaking contact with her and dropping his hand. He could see her trying to speak, her mouth opening and closing again but all words would fail her and there simply was no point. She was rendered totally speechless and her knees were still weak and wobbly.

“Hey” He whispered, managing to gain her full attention for a second. “This ain’t over”.

With that, he backed up, taking care not to step on the bear trap and Jess could only watch as his shadowy figure vanished into the trees, leaving her astounded and undeniably happier than she’d been in a long, long time.

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