#also considering bailing on my friends and sitting at home alone even tho i know that will make me feel worse ugh

[guinevereslancelot]

me when i should reach out for support and admit that i'm struggling: i should isolate myself and pretend everything is fine

[neoheros]

how would haikyuu boys handle falling in love feat. kuroo + akaashi + tsukishima !!

kuroo tetsuro

being in a relationship with him is just a pretty chill experience tbh

i feel like kuroo wouldn’t really date anyone he’s not close to on a comfortable level

people be like: omfg he looks like a player tho

he’s literally not ???? like y’all telling me this man doesn’t look like the idea of having to interact with people he doesn’t know repulses him ? bye

he’s not ignorant, he just isn’t the type to get out there unless necessary yk?

he’s got a good friend group and he’s totally satisfied with that !!!!!!

so when he was 100% sure that he saw you as somebody he’d want to be more than friends with he was just like :0

kuroo at 5:37 am, thinking of that one time you handed him a bottle of water first: oh— oh shit

he doesn’t act on it first though because y’all have been friends for so long and what if you don’t like him back ???

he didn’t wanna ruin the thing he had with you because you were literally the only one who tolerated him sending tiktoks at 4 am in the morning

kuroo: omfg have you seen this one yet

you: bro it’s almost 5 am are you on crack

but eventually he got tired of just staring at you and admiring you from afar and having to make up some excuse when you catch him cause he just really likes looking at you :(

you: bro stop staring at me

kuroo: no, your face bothers me

you: due to personal reasons i will make you pass away ❤️

so one day he just decides to shoot his shot yk?

if you reject him that’s fine, he’ll just have to send numerous tiktoks to wash away the awkwardness afterwards

like he’ll be upset about it because holy crap he flat out adores you at this point but he’s also got a sense of boundaries and will totally respect your decision

BUT !!!! when you told him you liked him too he just 🥺👉👈

this man had the goofiest grin on his face for weeks on end and his heart is all over the place because all the things he imagined in his head to do with you is finally gonna come true !!!

don’t be fooled though !! nothing will change from your friendship !!! you’re still both really chill with each other except now y’all can hug and kiss and !!!!!

kuroo: don’t i look kinda good in this picture though

you: not really, let me take a better one

kuroo: stop taking me out of frame

in retrospect, it’s really fun to be in a relationship like the one you two have because there’s not much things to disagree on and the dynamic you both have just go so well !!!

there’s also not a lot of new things to do or be uncomfortable about because y’all have already done everything as best friends !!!!!!! it’s 🥺

you, seeing kuroo staring at you: what’re you looking at me for

kuroo, unnerved: you’re so pretty

you, caught off guard: it’s my time to pass away now i see 😌

you two joke around a lot but that doesn’t mean you two take whatever you say to heart

somewhere along the line, this made kuroo a bit worried on how you took his intentions though

he knew you were cool with messing with him but sometimes he wonders if what he says ever gets to you

so one night while the two of you are eating frozen yogurt in his car, you in his hoodie and just straight up vibing to the tiktoks that played as background music

he looks up, spoon in his mouth, “you know that i love you, right?”

“you’re so cheesy,” you tell him, laughing while you scroll up to the next video on the fyp

he leans back in his seat, eyeing you under the single yellow light of the car

you, barely looking up from your phone: i love you too though

akaashi keiji

being in a relationship with akaashi is quite literally the most gratifying thing

he’s 97% of your wise decision making and you’re very much thankful for that

when he first met you he honestly didn’t know what to think

his first impression of you? an indecisive impulsive mess

his second impression of you? a very cute indecisive impulsive mess

there’s not a single doubt that he was crushing on you H A R D

he doesn’t pay attention to it though because he knew how crushes often worked and most of the time they didn’t really work out

but the more he looked at you or stared at you from afar with a silly grin that he doesn’t even realize, everyone around him notices just how silent you make him

leave it up to the fukurodani volleyball club to be the best matchmakers in the world

so one night while akaashi was chilling in bed he gets a text from bokuto telling him about an impromptu team hang out sesh

akaashi: it’s 7 pm ..?

you, in the group chat: theres never a wrong time for milk tea !!!!!

when you sent that everyone else in the chat was just so frickin ecstatic because now that you’ve confirmed you were going, it’s obvious that akaashi was now too

he arrived like 2 minutes early from the designated time and the way it wasn’t at all shocking when no one else arrived except for you

akaashi: well they totally bailed :/

you: hey at least now we have a list of people to take revenge on when the purge strikes

it’s okay though because the two of you make most of the night anyways !!

you never thought sitting outside of a 7/11 at 7 pm on a friday could be fun but as you sat there with boba tea and a ramen cup with one of your closest friends next to you, you were just !!!! so frickin soft

akaashi on the other hand didn’t feel anything but utter nervousness the whole time

it was so cold under the night sky and you were so close to him, he’s praying that you take the redness on his cheeks from the weather and not from the rapid racing of his heart

bokuto texting him: bro i swear to god if you’re not taking this chance to shoot your shot i’m >:(

he’s so nervous because it actually was an ideal time to tell you how much he liked you

plus he’s pretty sure that you were eventually gonna notice just how often he glanced at you whenever you came to their practices or in general

so he’s like fine then !!! he’s gonna do this tonight and if you reject him then he’s just gonna have to deal !!!!

akaashi, anxious: hey i really li—

you, cutting him off: i like you a lot and i’m pretty sure bokuto did this on purpose because he knows and i’m sorry if it wasted your time !!!!

akaashi, less anxious: oh

HE !! DOES NOT HESITATE !!! TO REASSURE YOU !!

he just smiles softly and tucks your hand in his and tells you he’d like to walk you home that night

after that something just changed between the two of you

suddenly he’s walking you home everyday with little forehead kisses before he leaves

going grocery shopping with him when you run out of food at home because he’s the only one who knows about your secret snack stash

akaashi: you don’t need that much yakult

you: ? don’t be alarmed but i think we just found the reason of our first fight

whenever you go out with him to shop for anything at all, he always has to be the person in front when you walk because he’s the one pushing the cart with his left hand while his right is tightly interlocked with yours

you just stray behind him, pointing out all the things you’d like and he’s the one who decides if it’s worth to buy because you’re absolutely sure that you’d be dead broke if you were left alone

akaashi: this hoodie looks cute, do you wanna try it out

you, recalling the four sweatshirts you haven’t returned to him: nah i have enough

sometimes you’d get in the cart whenever the grocery store you’re in is mega big and he’s just gonna have the most unbothered face as people eye him because he’s pushing a fucking cart with a person in it

you’d get worried though thinking that you’re too heavy for him to push around so you insist to get off but he just doesn’t let you because you were so cute and 😤

akaashi is just so frickin soft when it comes to you like most of the time when someone idly mentions your name a smile immediately comes up to his face and he doesn’t even realize it

he also almost always wake up to numerous snaps of you at 3 in the morning just doing the most random things

he goes through them with such a silly grin and has to fight the urge to screenshot all of them cause u were so FRICKEN cute

akaashi, looking at a photo of you with tears down your face from 4 am: that’s my baby 👉👈

everyone around y’all are just on the fence about the two of you dating since neither of you really cleared what was going on ???

you were scared to call him your boyfriend because there was never really a discussion about it and you didn’t want to come off as assuming

but one afternoon right before he left when he dropped you off at your house, he just stopped and looked at you and you were so confused

akaashi, taking off his sweatshirt and giving it to you: the news said it gets cold tonight

you, on the verge of tears: oh 🥺

tsukishima kei

he’s a salty little shit who complains 24/7 and that’s about as canon as it gets

BUT but !!! if there’s anything tsukishima is good at and i mean anything !!! it’s being observant and keen on the people around him !!! ESP TO YOU !!!

at first you were always just kinda there ?

like he noticed your presence cause you shared classes with him and you were also at his practices a lot cause you and kiyoko would walk home together

so he knew of you but didn’t really know know you, yk?

but then one day yamaguchi came to him introducing you because apparently he’s the only one left on the team who hasn’t met you and it may or may not be because you were low key scared of him

it’s all good though cause once you two shook hands and talked he became more open to actually including you in his life

you guys made out to be good friends considering that you balanced out his snarky attitude with your even worse comebacks

like they weren’t really all that clever but it’s annoying enough to get him to shut up when you want him to

everyone on the team was super surprised at the fact that you were able to talk to tsukishima like that but also they were like: “please don’t ever stop???”

so you became from someone he barely realized was there to always looking for you first when he enters a room

yamaguchi: you know some people would call that having a crush 😗

and he’s all confused cause he knew that the possibility of him getting through high school without having a crush was very slim but jesus christ a crush on YOU??

tsukki, internally: god has favorites and it is not me 💔

but when he gets over the idea that it’s completely revolting to like you like that he realizes something click and suddenly it wasn’t an annoying idea to see you romantically

so in full tsukishima style he asks you out and was pretty surprised when you said yes but you weren’t cause he wasn’t even mildly subtle at hiding his intentions

you: does this mean you won’t be mean to me anymore 🥺

tsukki: no but that’s a nice try ❤️

even when the two of you started dating, he didn’t really want anything to change cause he liked the dynamic he had with you

he was very relieved that you weren’t easily offended and you didn’t really get on his nerves a lot

you guys were hot heads but you also respected each other 🥺

something you quickly became accustomed to after dating though is being codependent when it came to sleeping

you’re usually always over at each other’s houses and his mom is totally over the moon at the fact that his son found someone like you

so every afternoon after school you two are at either houses and just chilling and vibing because school do be very tiring tho

most of the time naps happen and even if it is super hot outside and you’re on the verge of a heat stroke, you just can’t get comfortable unless you’re touching him yk?

tsukishima’s probably the same since he really likes it when his leg is over yours or when his arm is touching your arm

you, under a blanket against tsukki’s back in extremely warm weather: it’s hot

tsukki, sweating: yeah

you: so anyways

he didn’t even realize how much he’s used to you being there when he falls asleep that at night when he actually needs to rest and you’re not anywhere near him he just can’t ???

tsukishima, snapping you a picture of him with tired eyes at 2 in the morning: you ruined my life

you, just as tired, quickly replying: uno reverse card bitch

so it’s 2 am and neither of you can fall asleep and it’s just an entire frenzy of tiring yourselves out

the two of you end up facetiming and just talking endlessly about random thoughts and perspectives on people

his voice is 100% groggy and every 2 minutes he’s yawning but he really likes it when he’s talking to you because it’s always better when it’s you in the mix

he’s telling you all about how he thinks dinosaurs are super cool and fantastic that when he realizes you’ve fallen asleep he’s just like 🥺

he stares at the screen for a while, suddenly regretting that he wasn’t there to make sure you were comfortable

he’s got the softest smile on and he doesn’t even care that he’s staring at you while you’re asleep cause you just looked so peaceful and warm and sweet

tsukki: that’s my baby 🥺

he feels another yawn come up and he ends the call, hoping that the tone won’t wake you up when he does

at this point he’s also on the verge of falling asleep and he’s very glad that he talked to you because you always knew how to get him out of things like this

tsukki, texting you: thanks for falling asleep on me SNAKE

tsukki: love you, gn <3

[relenafanel]

Professional 3rd Wheel drabble for deliveryisdelayed

For @deliveryisdelayed as one of the Patreon rewards

Bucky wasn’t the first person in the world to think up the idea of being a professional 3rd wheel. He probably wasn’t even the first one in Brooklyn. He WAS the first to put together an App and a team of volunteers that soon became a team of professional hires. There wasn’t a ton of money in it, but then it wasn’t Bucky’s primary job.

You had to get creative when your bedroom in a shared apartment cost $1200 a month.

Carol was one of Bucky’s long-standing customers. She was notoriously picky and completely unable to let someone down easy. She was his favorite, and it wasn’t because she went on an average of 3 dates a month that usually ended with her enjoying her meal alone, but that certainly helped. Bucky appreciated a good casual alone-date.

So he wasn’t surprised when the automatic text came through on his phone for him to bail her out. He took off his gloves and left them in the seat of his car, locking the door behind him before wandering into the café.

“Oh Carol,” Bucky started to say, sparing a glace for her date sitting opposite her. Then he did a double-take. “Steve!” he blurted out in shock. “You’re on a date?”

Holy fuck.

HOLY FUCK.

Steve. On a date.

With Carol?

Bucky was interrupting Steve on a date. With Carol.

Oh no.

Steve was Bucky’s absolutely gorgeous boy-next-door fantasy who had been in a relationship since the first moment Bucky had met him. He’d met Peggy too, she was lovely. If anything, she was too good for Steve and that was saying something. He also knew that if Steve was on a date that their relationship was over and probably had been for a while.

Steve looked up at him and winced and then shrugged. “Unsuccessfully, it seems,” he pushed back from the table with an earnest kind of grace for being the kind of date that had Bucky called in. “I’ll pay the bill. Excuse me.”

Bucky turned towards Carol with wide eyes. “That was Steve Rogers,” he hissed. “You were on a date with Steve Rogers and you called me in? He’s single like once a decade.”

“He just got out of a long-term relationship. That’s baggage I don’t want.”

Bucky almost made a frustrated sound of disbelief. Everyone had baggage! If Bucky could handle Steve’s baggage – and Bucky was notoriously fickle, it was where the whole idea for his third wheel service had come from – then anyone could!

“Fine,” Bucky said. “Are you ok? Do you want company?” he asked because that was part of his job. It was what set him apart from the guys on Craigslist who did this for a lot less. Bucky had cultivated a reputation for being a quasi-bodyguard in addition to a date destroyer.  Putting his muscles to good use and all.

“I’m fine,” she told him. “I’ve got this whole burger to finish.”

“Good,” he said and moved to intercept Steve.

x.x.x.

“I just wanted a starter date,” Steve explained, sitting on a cold metal bench. Bucky had winced when he sat next to him, and resigned himself to the fact he’d left his gloves in his car. “Someone who didn’t know me and who didn’t matter. That sounds cold. I don’t mean it cold. A fresh start. I wanted a fresh start.”

“Fresh starts are hard,” Bucky pointed out to him. “The two of you get to know each other based on surface level stuff.” He put his hands in his pocket to resist from reaching out to touch Steve, but then ended up putting his hand on Steve’s back anyway. “At least don’t mention Peggy next time.”

“I don’t think there will be a next time,” Steve said, and his head was hanging low, almost between his knees.

“Steve,” Bucky said.

“It was devastating looking up and seeing you there, and know what you were doing. The harbinger of first date doom.”

“I’ll put that on my business card,” Bucky responded, glib but internally wincing.

“I thought it was going ok,” he said, almost completely muffled by his hands.

“Sometimes it’s not you,” Bucky pointed out, and tried not to sound too much like he was being kind because he knew Steve wouldn't take it well if he thought he was being pitied or coddled. “I’d date you. I want to, if you’d like?” He felt like his heart was pounding a mile a minute.

Steve looked up at him. His eyes were red-rimmed but he wasn’t crying. “So you can teach me what I’m doing wrong?” he asked, a bitter tinge to his tone. “I probably need something like that, but I’m going to have to turn you down.”

Bucky was speechless for a moment. “Fuck off with that. No! Are you joking? I wanted to ask you out the first time we met.”

“Oh.” Steve looked surprised.

“Part of me always hoped you’d be single and I’d have a chance to at least ask, but Peggy’s lovely and the two of you seemed perfect together. I thought you’d eventually get married.”

This made Steve wince more than seeing Bucky interrupt his date had.

“Oh,” Bucky winced back. “I didn’t realize.”

“She never really wanted to. It wasn’t just one thing or one fight,” he shrugged. “It wasn’t just that I wanted to get married and she didn’t. It was… the things we couldn’t find a mutual compromise that made both of us happy started to overshadow the things that we could.”

Bucky swallowed heavily. “How long has it been?”

“Three months.”

“Maybe you need more time.”

“It’s so quiet in the apartment. I’ve tried to go out with friends, but it feels like it’s worse when I have to go home to an empty room, and,” he inhaled. “You’re right, of course you’re right. I don’t know how to be alone.”

Bucky picked his words carefully. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned through my job it’s that some people never learn how to be alone. That’s ok for them, but I think that you don’t want to jump back in on a long term relationship with the first person you hit it off with on a surface level. I don’t mean to put words in your mouth, but you deserve more than that.”

Steve frowned at him.

Yeah, Bucky had definitely gone too far.

And his frown deepened in thought.

“You’re right, of course,” Steve admitted. “It’s too soon and I need to adjust first. Thanks for talking me down.”

“Do you want a ride home, or…?”

“No, it’s a nice evening. I’ll walk,” his lip quirked. “I’m not one of your clients, you don't need to worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

Shit. And Bucky had missed his window to date Steve Rogers again. Fucking hell.

He didn’t just miss his window. He’d closed it himself.

x.x.x.

Bucky’s main fear seeing Steve’s name flash on his caller ID was that Steve was looking to hire him for his next adventure in dating 101. “Hello?” he said, because listening to a voicemail he’d then have to make a return call for was worse than just picking up in the first place. It had been 4 months since Bucky disastrously asking Steve out, so for all Bucky knew he was being invited to a wedding.

“It didn’t seem right to do this over text.”

“Are you getting married?” he asked.

“No,” Steve emphasized, insulted by the question. “I took your advice. I feel less like I have to move on to fill a gaping hole in my chest and more like I want to move on to find someone important. I wanted to thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Yep. He was a stupid idiot.

“Are you free this Friday?”

“I… what?”

“You asked me out and then you lectured me into giving myself time to heal.”

“You don’t owe me a date!” Bucky responded. This was worse. This was 100% worse.

“I don’t owe you shit,” Steve said back in just as hot of a tone. “I wanted to say yes then, and I want to say yes now. So are you free this Friday?”

Bucky actually already had a date for Friday night, but it wasn’t much of a choice. “Give me five minutes. I’ll have to call you back.”

x.x.x.

Dating Steve was exactly what Bucky hoped it would be. His chest felt too small to contain his heart, a steady reminder that he was nervous. When Steve had moved into the rooms below his, Bucky had thought ‘this is the man’ and then he’d met Peggy. It was the lamest tragedy of his life considering that he’d partially pined after the man for years. He hadn’t actively pursued a crush, but there’d been a niggling awareness every time they spoke that Bucky could and would enjoy a serious relationship with the man.

Steve looked just as nervous as Bucky felt. “I’ve been told I’m not great at this.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, at least I can’t show up to interrupt this one.”

The corner of Steve’s mouth tilted up. “I remember the time you called me from the bathroom to come fake an emergency with your pet snake.”

“And then you told me it ate my cat,” Bucky pointed out, held Steve’s gaze, and burst out laughing. “It was both awful and brilliant. You’re the shittiest fake pet sitter ever.”

Bucky moved carefully, putting his hand over Steve’s on the table. It was a lame move, but it still felt like something illicit. Skin to skin contact. Oh wow.

They smiled at each other, tentative and new and uncertain.

Bucky watched as his phone lit up with a phone call. Steve watched too, his fingers spasming under Bucky’s like he was controlling himself from jerking away. “I promise I wouldn’t," Bucky swore.

“I know,” Steve said it with confidence, but there was something in his expression as Bucky declined the call.

“Not because I’m worried about you knowing my tricks. I’d just tell you straight.”

His phone lit up again with Becca calling back.

“Sorry,” he said to Steve. “What!” Bucky barked. He was 100% sure he’d told her to cancel the plan for her to interrupt him once his date changed to Steve. He knew he did because she’d looked at him wide-eyed and went ‘does that mean Peggy is single?’ and when he pointed out that she’d never shown interest in women before she’d enunciated ‘PEGGY CARTER’.

“I’m at the hospital,” she told him. “Broke my ankle.”

“I’m on a date!” he reminded her. “With Steve!”

“Riiiight,” she said. “Oh god, that was tonight. Right. Sorry.”

“Sorry,” Bucky repeated to Steve once he hung up and debated whether he’d find Becca’s sapphic awakening over Peggy funny.

Then Becca texted him.

Becca: I really am at the hospital tho

Becca: Maybe after your date the two of you could come get me?

Becca: I’ll probably need someone with Steve’s muscles to carry me up the 4 flights of stairs to my apartment.

Becca: But the cast isn’t even on yet, you have time.

Becca: Probably not if you were thinking of fucking. Come get me first then.

Bucky barely resisted the urge to drop his head to the table.

x.x.x.

Steve was definitely a keeper since he did carry Becca up four flights of stairs without dropping her. That was pretty heroic considering she kept squirming to look at Bucky behind Steve’s back while telling Steve about the embarrassing time Bucky had tried to use a can of Red Bull as a sex toy, and how no one had carried him up the stairs afterwards. She’d had to help him an inch at a time.

“I’m pretty much going to murder her,” Bucky told Steve, after he’d dumped Becca’s crutches and pain meds next to her on the bed.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “That was awfully embarrassing for you. I remember that limp.”

Bucky flushed.

“But then,” Steve mused. “It’s probably a good thing you don’t get daunted by a challenge.”

What the fuck did that even mean? “Are you implying what I think you are?” he asked.

“Guess you’ll find out sometime.” and then he smirked.

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot recap 2x16

(Aka the one where Cade is the source and Patterson’s tooth is the mole)

Happy Blindspot day! Here’s a rather late recap, as is kinda typical for me at the moment (nightshifts take up a lot of energy haha). But anyway, have a look below the cut for a lot of rambling about how much I love Jeller and how much I want to hug Patterson haha

Oh yeah, Nas is being strangled. Forgot about that. But oooh I love the car-seat trick and then like flipping herself over into the backseat??That was kinda badass. I'm always approving of seeing ladies beat the crap out of bad guys. But anyway he's dead now (nice work Nas, I’m sure Weller didn’t want to interrogate him or anything) and anyway she's got the info-- which if there's really info about Sandstorm on that USB, then clearly he wasn't the one that put it there (bc he would have just used a decoy) meaning that if it’s legit then her source and this killer are not connected. Which lbr we already know they aren’t.

But nvm about all that bc this scene is far more important. The team are all hanging at Weller's and laughing and toasting and drinking and ughhhh remember early last season when Zapata and Reade had never even been in his apartment?? And now they're all hanging out?? Being besties?? And omg Patterson is such a cutie, insisting they toast every time (maybe I’m going to make a variation on that rule and always toast to Patterson herself before I do a shot haha) and they all indulge her and ughhhh my babies. And then Jane is there, walking straight in without knocking bc lbr this apartment is always open to her. Do I dare even consider the fact that she has a key, ‘in case of emergencies’??? But anyhow clearly Weller had invited her (because of course he did, he probably suggested the group drinks in the first place just to have an excuse to invite her over), and she probably had wanted to come so much but had already agreed to plans with Oliver and felt she couldn't cancel on him... especially not when she would be doing so to go spend time with the guy she’s actually in love with. That would probably be a kinda unfair thing to do to your date. But lbr when he bailed n their dinner she probably wasn't even that upset bc she was now free to go be with her family instead ughh. Also it's weird to think that this is all taking place immediately after last ep? Like only hours after the team all split into pairs to hunt down the smuggler. I mean Zapata's looking good for someone who got shot in the back of her vest, and Weller seems to have recovered well from being tased haha. But anyway they're all like ‘yaayy Jane's here’ which is so cute lol, and Zapata's like 'wait what about that thing you had on' (ugh look at this supportive lady-friend being all discreet haha) and Weller looks up with that 'I-really-wanna-hear-this-but-also-really-don't' expression bc I'm sure that even if Jane hadn't told him she had a date when he invited her to the drinks, he would have known it anyway bc she would have been all flustered and awkward and also clearly bummed about missing out on being with the team and ugh I bet Weller is fighting off a grin rn to know that she's here with him-- er, I mean with them-- and not with some guy and aww Patterson immediately involves her in the toasting thing and ugh look at my babies all being so happyyyyyy. And then Zapata immediately finds a excuse to whisk both of them off into the kitchen so they can have a ~girl talk~ (omg her "boys. so sensitive." comment lol. I feel you there girl.) and ugh I am SO HERE for this bonding and supportiveness and lol considering Weller got up and headed somewhere right the same time that they did, I'm totally picturing him hiding around the corner sneakily trying to listen in haha. Whereas meanwhile Reade and Patterson are left awkwardly at the table and she reaches out so earnestly, telling him she's worried about him, and he just walks off. Excuse me, I will not tolerate this rudeness towards my baby. Go back and apologise. And then omg Jane has snuck into the nursery (love the mobile with Aussie animals on it, like it’s a nod to my country for producing Sully haha) but anyway ugh I love the way that Jane looks around the room; it's not a wistful "I wish this was mine to share with him", though I'm sure that there's definitely a bit of that buried down deep. Mostly though she just looks at it all with such tenderness and pride, because she can see what a good and loving father Weller is going to be and it makes her love him all the more. And then oops Weller busts her (lbr he'd been fully aware of exactly where she was every moment since she stepped into the apartment, and was just waiting for his chance to spend some time alone with her) and she's adorably embarrassed and guilty about snooping but he doesn't mind at all bc lbr Jane has 100% free access to anything in his life bc he loooooves herrr, and then ugh Allie gets mentioned and Jane tries to suss out what the situation will be after the baby is born bc lbr she's secretly picturing her and Weller’s future life together, whether she realises it or not. And then she apologises for overstepping and takes the question back, just like he did when he asked her about Oliver, and ugh I love that these two are doing this little dance and wanting to be closer and know all these things about each other but they're afraid that the other doesn't want to share that connection so they apologise and try to step back again, but the other one always reassures them it's alright and then opens up a little more and ughhhhh these two are so clearly inchinggggg their way back toward each other again and ugh this is such a honest and vulnerable moment that could have easily led to something even deeper but of course by the very nature of the Jeller moment, it means that they have to be interrupted-- and so right on time there's a text from Nas (since she couldn't barge in in person, she had to make do) and ugh we’re all sitting here like 'okay you nearly died? cool well you would still have been not-dead in five minutes, how about next time you be more considerate and give everyone some time to themselves before demanding all the damn attention’. Sigh. 

And so now the team is all back at the FBI and I'm curious as to how they got there, bc I'm certain that all of them except Jane would have been too intoxicated to drive. Like seriously tho did they all pile together into her car?? Who got to ride shotgun?? Weller, since he's the bigest and also the boss? And also so he and Jane could throw loaded looks at each other while she drove? Or what if Weller was feeling gentlemanly and let Patterson sit up front so she wouldn't be squished, and instead Zapata was the one sandwiched between Weller and Reade, poking her elbow into Reade's side lol? I really hope they did all drive together, I mean it’s just a far more entertaining thought than FBI people picking them up. Though it'd be kinda funny if they took cabs or ubers instead, like 'hey we're a bunch of FBI agents take us to our headquarrters stat'. But anyhow, I'm getting distracted. The team arrives in the lab, Weller checks in on Nas just long enough to get the USB with the info. The team tosses ideas back and forth about who the source is and if he had anything to do with the attack, then Weller sets Patterson to cracking the USB which will take all night. Ugh, my poor baby works so hard. Though lbr it's not like Weller is gonna go home and to bed either; he’ll probably spend all night working in his office so he’s readily available if she needs him. And then lol now Patterson's busy with her computer and Reade & Zapata have apparently decided they have some place else to be, so when Weller walks away, Jane can go after him alone, touching his arm (yaaaasssss Unnecessary and Lingery Touuuuchhhhh) and asking him if he's okay and ugh he's so upset and Jane just steadies him like no one else can and promises that they'll get Shepherd and then she touches his arm again (oh lord help me) before going to help Patterson and ughhhhh I love Supportive Wifey Jane and ugh I know I've said it before but I'm just so glad these two are partners again ughhh

Naw Reade and Zapata have just had another one of their joint gym sessions which I think is adorable. And lol he's talking about a woman he thinks is kinda cute (lbr tho man you're not exactly being picky these days) and she grimaces at him, which is basically a pretty good reflection of how I feel about Reade and his proclivities atm lol. And then oh hello random drug screen lady! That was a funny moment with "it's your lucky day"/"we finally have hot water in the showers?"/"we have soft serve in the commissary??" lol you sassy buggers. But more importantly than all that is the horror on Reade's face when she tells them they're going to be screened today-- yep, this is called karma, bro. You were mean to my baby Patterson and now the universe is punishing you. Also I love Zapata's “Couldn't you have given us a heads-up on this” and the lady's snarky reply. I like her already. And I like that she didn't take any of Reade's crappy excuses about not feeling well. It’s time to face the music, sucker.

Awwww Jane sitting on the floor with Roman and trying to get him to eat and worrying about him sleeping on the hard floor and ugh he asks her about her night and about Oliver and then ughhhh "I don't have much, but what little I do have I owe to you". That is such a true statement, and it kinda encompasses the good and bad? Like yeah he's in a cell and has no memories and that's because of her but he's also alive and being cared for and free of Sandstorm and that's all because of her too. Ugh their situation is such a complicated and interesting one but I really wish she would be honest with him about the zipping. He's been a little more settled lately, no huge outbursts in a couple of days, so maybe it's approaching the right time to start telling him the truth?? Please???

Back in the lab, Nas has emerged from the med bay, and so Patterson shows her and Weller the photos that she got off the USB-- pictures of Shepherd and Sandstorm peeps from the day before. And then the source calls and tells them where to bring him money before he gives them any more info on Shepherd's location. And yes this is all very important but rn I'm actually much more interested in Weller's loose necktie situation bc damn I'm digging it. Also I wanna know what happened last night? Like did he go home? Did the others go home? Was there any point in them sticking around anyway if only Patterson could run the decrypting program? If he did go home, did he sleep at all? I need to know these things. But anyhow Jane catches up to him in the corridor, and she opposes his plan to stake out the meet site beforehand, worried that they'll spook the source and lose their chance at a lead. And lbr she's kinda like his inner voice, here? He's having to do things a certain way bc he's the boss and he's supposed to do things by the book and prevent risk to his agents, but all the arguments she's making are exactly what he feels himself, yet he has to ignore them. Ugh I love the fact that even when they appear to be at odds, they’re still in tune?? #soulmaaaates

Oooooh Zapata's questioning Reade about his weird behaviour and lol she teases him about handling his hard liquor like a preteen (tho I would hope that preteens aren't drinking hard liquor lol) and then jokingly prods him about if he’s really worried he's going to fail, and then he's all 'well, yeah' and she's like wait what. Then he gets called up and walks out like a guy going to his execution and seriously son you would never be in this situation if you hadn't made such terrible life choices lately

Meanwhile the rest of the team is actually working, trying to hover around inconspicuously as Nas goes to the drop point. Which is kinda ridiculous tbh bc literally the source would recognise both Jane and Weller instantly so I feel that this is not a terrific plan. Then he calls and tells Nas to go to a nearby hospital and gives her directions on dropping the bag into a laundry cart before leaving. Then some guy collects the cart and puts the bag in the laundry chute-- so Weller accosts him and shoves him into a wall. Ah, my cranky son. (Tho lbr I quite enjoy watching Weller manhandle people. I would not mind watching him shove Jane into a wall in a much gentler and more romantic fashion haha). Anyway turns out the guy was just paid to do it, and they realise that the source is down in the laundry room at the base of the chute, and Weller is all like 'quick, to the stairs!' and Jane's like 'nah son I got this' and legit jumps down the chute, slowing her fall on the walls and doing a kickass roll when she gets to the bottom. Dude. Life. Goals. And then she immediately pursues the source, only for him to circle behind her and put his gun to her head-- and the moment he speaks she realises it's Cade. Okay so Cade has been the source all along? Or maybe both he and Markos? Or maybe he, Markos AND Remi? But then anyway in another incredibly badass move, she dodges to the side of the gun and disarms him and throws him over her shoulder and ugh I am so down with this fight bc while Jane is definitely going to be the more skilled, she is probably the person who taught him to fight well in the first place?? Student vs master. And them bam she has the gun on him and tells him that they're on the same side and that she killed Oscar and ooooooohhhhhh I bet he didn't see that coming. And then suddenly Weller is there, impressively not out of breath considering the fact that he probably just sprinted down like five flights of stairs to get here and protect his wifey. And Nas is there too, and says 'Cade! in surprise and recognition(??), and I guess she knows what he looks like from a sketch of Jane's or something? Still, it's weird how quick she was. And then he reveals he's the source and everyone is like whaaaaaaa lol

Oooh Reade's in trouuuuble. With Zapata, that is. And he insists he was just blowing off some steam and she shuts him down, making it clear that what he's doing is waaaay more serious than that, and insisting that he tell Weller. And awww she says that they're all family, but Reade blows her off. So he really doesn't believe that the team is family to him? That's sad. And wrong. And then he even questions Patterson about tipping off the drug test people and I'm literally offended on her behalf. She's being cool about it ("agents can't call for random drug tests. They're random.") but I bet his suspicion hurt. And then Jane joins them and I feel like she picks up on the vibe, but they all focus instead on Weller, Nas and Zapata as they go in to interrogate Cade. Why three of them? Why is Zapata there? I mean she’s great and I'm always happy to see her being badass, but I'm just a little confused. And anyway Cade is being a smartass about 'where it all started' (aka the big bang) and the ladies are basically like shut up and get to the point lol. So we hear his backstory about why he joined Sandstorm (dad died in a mining accident and lawyers robbed the family of compensation etc. Because apparently the only response to tragedy and injustice is terrorism) and then he tells them that he left Sandstorm when he realised that Shepherd was only fighting for herself, not his cause. While listening, Jane has a flashback to Roman talking to Cade about all the people that are going to die in phase 2, and Remi shuts down the conversation. It definitely seems like the memories we see these days often have Remi seeming like much more of a jerk then she used to (not that she was ever a ray of sunshine before tho tbh). Idk it might just be a product of what's triggering the memories. Anyway Cade explains that he stayed with Sandstorm so he could do more damage from the inside, and Weller gets pissed at him about trying to kill them (or really, trying to kill Jane, which is the part that actually upsets him). And Cade says he did it both to try to stop the plan-- bc back then Jane was much more central to it, right?-- and also as revenge for Oscar killing someone he loved. I'm so intrigued by the way he talks about Markos-- "Markos made me whole" sounds like much more of an intimate connection than family/brothers-in-arms. Whether they were involved that way or not, I'm definitely headcanoning that Cade was in love with Markos. 

Aaaand so Weller is not happy with Cade’s demands for money and immunity. He storms into his office (does he really ever enter his office any other way?) and I love that Jane is confident in her right to be there but still hangs back a little, giving Nas a chance to make her case first, pretty much bc she knows it won’t work haha. Only Jane can get through to him when he’s like this. And ugh one of Weller's main arguments against Cade going free is that he tried to kill Jane. Lbr that’s totally an unforgivable crime in Weller's opinion. And ugh again I’m so glad about this whole moment-- like if this was happening in the early eps of this season, even if Weller would have admitted his anger over Cade trying to kill Jane at all, Jane certainly wouldn’t have been there to hear it and know that he felt that way. But now she is, and even if she tells herself that he's really just making excuses not to work with one of Sandstorm’s members, a little part of her would cling to his protectiveness of her and revel in it. But anyhow I love that she puts a hand on Nas' shoulder and is all like 'good try, but dw, I got this.' And she follows him and locks eyes with him and tells him that they have to put their baggage with Cade aside, like Weller did with her, and he's all "that was different" and ugh she reminds him about telling Zapata he didn’t even want to be in the same room as her and ugh it hurts me that that memory comes to her so easily. How much it must have hurt her to hear that, and how much Weller must regret it now and want to take it all back and tell her he never really meant it and he actually loved her all along and ughhhhhhh.  And ugh he drops his gaze from hers and you already know that he'll let Cade go. He'll do anything for her. Lbr a lot of the time Jane is the most powerful person on this team bc of the sway she has over Weller, but it’s a power she would never abuse. Plus, she would do literally anything for Weller in return, and close to anything for every single member of the team. Ugh, my loyal baby. 

Anyway so Cade gets his deal and tells the whole team about Shepherd meeting with a smuggler person, possibly to be smuggled somewhere herself. So they send out a team to lie in wait for ehr, but just as they're ready tog et into position, they see smoke coming from the building, and race in only to find that the guy Shepherd was meeting is already dead and a bunch of his files are burned. So they think Cade sold them out and pre-warned Shepherd, leading to an angry confrontation and he's all 'uhhhhh I've been here the whole time? literally how could I have gotten any kind of message out" lol and then he tells them that maybe they have a mole, which pisses Weller off. Uh, Cade, you might want to be careful. People are a little sensitive about the ‘M’ word around here.... 

Ughhh Jane suggests that they use Cade to try to jog Roman's memories and Weller allows it bc she's his beloved wifey and he wants to make her happy ugh. And it's such an interesting dynamic with Cade and Roman. "I don't know whether to choke you or feed you soup. Or maybe both" lol. And then Jane is all sweet with Roman when he can't remember anything, and it must be strange for Cade to see how not-Remi she is?? Though he still throws a jab at her about wanting her brother in a cage, which sets off another memory for her about keeping Roman from talking to Cade. As a sidenote, I love Remi's flat, dead voice and how different it is from Jane's. But anyhow clearly the doses that these two were zipped with were very different, or Jane’s has been wearing off or something, bc she is definitely much more susceptible to triggers than he is. But ugh my fave part of this scene was probably when Cade says that mean comment to Jane and Weller just grabs him roughly by the arm and drags him outta there. No one’s mean to his wifey and gets away with it...

Zapata and Reade get their results back, which were thankfully negative (though part of me wishes his had been positive just so he had to face it and get help). Also I love that they have these very private conversations in the locker room-- like cmon guys someone could be literally right around the corner. But anyhow ugh Zapata is so serious and worried rn and she insists again that he tell Weller and get help (work-dad will fix it!), but Reade is refusing to seek help bc he’s kinda a butthead these days. And so Zapata-- while making it clear that she's doing it out of love-- tells him that she will tell Weller if he doesn't, and his reaction to that reminds me of a little kid: "but... but you're my best friend" *lip wobbles*. Uh yeah, dude, she is! That's why she will do whatever it takes to protect you, even if you hate her for it! Ugh. Poor Zapata, she should go talk it out with her BFF Jane. Meanwhile Weller locks Cade back up, and then being the sweet marshmallow he is, actually pauses and tells Cade that he's sorry about his father. Ugh, my big softy. He mentions that his uncle was a miner too, and Cade's all ‘yeah I know, Shepherd talked about you a lot’. Which is creepy but unsurprising, I guess? 

Over in the lab, my baby Patterson is looking at files on Borden, which is upsetting. She gets another headache, then is looking at pictures of Shepherd when she suddenly puts it all together, realising what's been going on with her and why Sandstorm always seems to be ahead of them. Also lol at the lab tech who comes up to ask her something and she's all "not now" and they back away respectfully from their queen haha. But oh my poor baby, this must be a horrible feeling, to realise her own role in all of this. Weller would never blame you though honey! 

And speaking of Weller, he's back in his office when Jane comes in all shy, and she's like 'um, weird question, but... are you my supervisor?' with literally THE CUTEST expression on her face, and tbh it's kinda funny to consider her as part of boring old workplace ladders bc she's just ~part of the family~ (or rather jst like an extension of Weller, lbr) and Weller is like 'uuuhhhhhhhh yeah I guess I am' which shows he never really thought about it either lol. And lbr, she kind of went from victim-->asset-->Weller's partner-->traitor-->prisoner-->asset-->Weller's partner, so she never really fit neatly into the whole boss/employee thing. But anyhow she shows him the requisition form that she needs him to sign, all the stuff she wants for Roman, admitting she can't stand to see him so unsettled. And Weller literally doesn't even hesitate before signing it, despite the fact that someone like Roman could very easily use those things to craft a weapon or escape tool or something. He just signs it bc not only does he trust Roman not to do that, and also cares about her and hates seeing her sad, but also he remembers feeling the same way when Jane was first brought to them. Which squeezes my heart bc he acted so aloof at the start but you just knew-- KNEW-- that underneath he really felt for her and wanted to help and comfort her. Which he soon did, though as professionally as he could (until the feelings won out over professionalism haha). But ughhh I bet it hits her hard when he says that about having the same feeling-- bc she LOVES Roman. That's why it hurts her to see him like that. So if Weller felt the same way about her, even back then.... 

But anyhow, of course this tender Jeller moment is just begging for an interruption, so in steps Patterson, showing them warnings on her ipad as she talks about having a bug in her servers that she needs to fix, and ugh every word she's saying is so clearly about herself and fixing the 'bug' in her before it corrupts the whole FBI 'server' and ugh she's holding herself together so well and Jane looks confused and then concerned and Weller just looks aggrieved and ughhhhhh I NEED there to have been a moment after she leaves (after writing on the ipad to tell them to gather the others and meet her in that metal cage thing that radio signals can't penetrate) where Jane just reaches out to Weller and comforts him bc lbr they're like the parents in this family and Patterson is daddy's little girl and ughhhhh how sad and angry and frustrated and horrified they must be all at once and ughhhh. I just feel like Weller needed a hug and Jane wanted to hug him but couldn't-- not it his glass-walled office, not with unresolved stuff still between them-- but she would have at the very least stepped close and had her hand on his arm and murmured comforting words and ughhh. But anyway the whole team is in the cage now, and Patterson tells them all about the bug she found in her tooth, which is seriously crazy small. It couldn’t possibly exist in the real world. But anyhow Jane, the protective mama, is like 'Let's go get it out right now' but Patterson, my brave baby, looks at Weller and suggests they use it to lure Sandstorm. Which is a very good idea, lbr. Which then leads to them all hanging out in Weller's office reading from scripts, and it's kinda hilarious to see actors playing people who are bad actors? Like their reading is so stilted but I guess it still sounds believable enough to Sandstorm, so that’s all that matters haha

So now Sandstorm is coming to the safehouse where Cade is being kept, to kill him before he can ‘trigger any more' of Roman's memories. Borden's the one making the calls since apparently Shepherd is out on a barge in the middle of the ocean for whatever reason (lbr who knows why Shepherd does literally anything except for ~Insanity~). I'm sure that will become clear eventually. So the trap is set; Reade and Patterson are in the safehouse with Cade, presumably settling him in, when he overpowers Patterson, steals her gun, and fake-shoots them both before making a run for it, forcing the Sandstorm guys to race after him. I appreciate seeing Borden getting tricked by the very people he tricked, and it all almost works too, except apparently he has superhuman eyesight and notices a floodlight up in a tree. All the others are surrounded, but he escapes off another way-- only to be caught by Patterson, who wounds him with a shot then chases him into a barn. Meanwhile the ringleader of all the others manages to shoot all three of the others before shooting himself, and come on, really? What if he'd fired at the FBI? Someone would have taken him down immediately. So why couldn't they have killed him after he fired the first shot, or even shot at one of the other guys in the leg to drop him and then kill the main guy before he could re-aim and kill them too? I guess we're gonna have to suspend our disbelief here and just roll with it, bc lbr how could our crackshot team (especially Jane) not be able to stop this from happening? 

But anyhow. On to more important things, which is my baby chasing Borden into a barn all alone, despite Weller shouting orders not to. And ugh as she walks in you can see that like literally everything in this barn (propane tanks, paint thinner, etc) is flammable, and well this is surely a very bad sign. And then she demands that 'Nigel' turn himself in, and ugh he shoots towards her and nearly hits the tanks and the she corners him and yet again they're facing down from either side of a gun, and ughhh she's telling him that he's going to spend the rest of his life in a cell and he actually reassures her, telling her that it's okay that she wants to kill him and omg okay maybe he's just saying that bc he assumes that she does, but then again maybe he KNOWS? If Sandstorm has been able to hear everything she's said in the past couple of weeks, then they have heard all her sessions with Dr Sun, the ones that (as she admitted to Reade) usually end with her sobbing. How many times did Borden come into the control room and volunteer to take over a shift listening to their bug; how many times did he sit there and listen to her cry and rail about how he'd betrayed her and destroyed her?? Ughhh and while I don't feel sorry for him (okay, maybe the teeeensiest bit), I do believe that he DID care about her. It just wasn't enough. And then ughhhh she's yelling at him now for what he did to her and there's tears in her eyes and he tries to apologise and I appreciate that he's made no move to shoot at her (I don't believe he would anyway) bc I'd hate for her to have to kill him bc that would mean even more emotional trauma-- like Jane with Oscar. And then he holds up the grenade instead, ensuring he'll die but also giving her enough time to make a run for it, to survive. And ugh if I’d known from the start how this would go I definitely would not have started shipping them all those eps ago lol

Ugh, back in the bullpen poor bruised Patterson is staring at the photos of Borden and the other Sandstorm operatives and ugh my sweet Jane comes up to check on her and it's super clever how there's originally no sound other than the music, like Patterson is kind of separate from everything. She's holding a little radio scrambler like it’s a talisman and ugh I just feel so sad for her. It's going to be so long before she is comfortable again in her own skin, until she no longer feels betrayed and violated and ruined. And Jane says much the same, telling her how killing Oscar made her feel more betrayed and unsafe. Ugh she's so sweet and supportive and doesn't push when Patterson says she can't feel anything, just makes sure she knows that she's always there for her. Ugh. Jane would die for any member of this team in a heartbeat and it kills me. As does her sorrowful face as poor Patterson walks away. And then ugh my baby goes to the med bay to get the tooth out, which is very symbolic and (hopefully) cathartic, and ugh she's so angry and so far from her usual bubbly self and she refuses any anaesthetic for the pain and ughhhh this is just awful  

I'm impressed that Nas actually lets Cade go with the money. Are we sure she didn't poison it somehow, or put a tracker in it, or...? But regardless, Cade refuses to stay and help, and Nas is sounding pretty doom and gloom about their chances of stopping Phase 2. But naw Weller believes in the team, and he's confident that they've weakened Shepherd-- after all, her right-hand man is now dead, and her two former proteges are now on Team FBI (aww, he considers Roman to be on their team). Also speaking of Roman, he's now lying on his bed with his soft sheets and a book and ughhhh I'm so happy to see him smile ugh my baby puppyyyy. I hope that he remembers these little signs of love when the truth about the zipping comes out...

Ooooh Reade deliberately left without talking to Weller, calling Zapata on her 'bluff'-- but ugh given the stunned and upset look on her face, it was no bluff. She knows she's going to have to go to Weller now, even if it costs her her best friend. And ugh she shows up at Weller's door, rather than just walking right into his office when she had the chance-- like she had to go home and mentally prepre herself/talk herself into it. And of course Weller lets her straight in and ugh he looks so concerned both for her and for Reade and ughhhhh he's such the Dad of this family ughhhh

Sigh Oliver texted Jane and she went right to him. I suppose it's sweet that he cooked this whole fancy meal as an apology... and then ugh she kisses him, probably to shut him up so she doesn't have to hear that accent anymore-- and tbh I'm actually glad when the guys show up to kidnap them before any items of clothing have come off. Now THIS is one scene that I don't mind seeing interrupted...!