#also casual crit role ref there yuss

[mooberg]

Courage

So Larka and I were running through a scenario (as you do) and she mentioned Horns needs to have more courage. Work stopped me from explaining why that’s all too true, and then inspiration hit. This is a hell of a lot of backstory, but I’m proud of it.

In this fic I reference 2 of my older fics, Aftershock and Revelations and Waterfalls. Enjoy!

Warnings: nah you good

Word Count: 1978 (so close to 2000!)

Sometimes... a lot of the time actually, I wish I had more confidence.

I never had any when I was younger. From the day Eniko brought him home, Horns could feel their judging eyes. They looked at him and all they saw was gossip. "That mystic lady has a kid?" "Who's the kid with the horns?" "What's her name? Eniko? She probably stole him or something." "Should we be worried?" Sure, they weren't all bad. Some people could care less who or what he was, his mother too, but it was those who did care that got to him. "I don't want these." Horns said, hands covering his ears as he pouted up at his momma. "Which set of 'these'?" Eniko picked him up, balancing him on her hip. She took his hand in hers, twining their fingers together. "Is it these?" "No." Horns replied. "Well, what about these?" Eniko pinched his nose and he pulled away, a little less pouty. "No, momma." "These?" She tickled his feet and he giggled, trying to squirm out of her grasp.

"No. These." Horns covered his ears again. "Sheppard says her momma says they mean I'm weird." "Why would she say that?" Eniko prodded gently, walking into the kitchen. "I dunno she says her momma says it made me a... a... um-" "Sound it out." She encouraged as she filled up the kettle and placed it on the stove. "Dee...vee... ant... she says it's bad. She says her momma didn't look happy." Horns wrapped his arms around Eniko's neck. "I don't wanna be a dee-vee-ant." "You're not." Eniko said, rubbing his back. She paused, opening the cupboard and waiting for him to pick a mug. "You are Horns. That makes you special, but not a deviant." "But Sheppard said-" "If Sheppard told you the Hawthorn manor wasn't haunted, would you believe her?" "No..." "Then why would you let her tell you who you are?" "Because everyone looks at me weird." Horns' already small voice sounded smaller. "Do you think you're weird?" Eniko asked. "Yeah..." Horns replied. "Alright." Eniko placed him on the counter, cupping his cheeks in her hands. "I'll work some magic and find a solution, okay?" "Okay."

I've been able to put myself out there, yeah. 4:30. He had a meeting all the way across the campus at 4:30 and it was already 4:28. He wasn't going to make it. He hated being late. It was so embarrassing. "Come on, come on." He'd already used the short bursts of speed he had, now it was all down to pure speed. And endurance. Why on earth was this campus so big? He stopped to check his pocket watch. 4:40. Great. But the building he was heading for wasn't that much further off, he could see it in fact. In another minute or three he reached it. He paused at the doors. Inside were the people he'd been chosen to train with, live with, grow with, and here he was, hesitant and already late. What if they didn't like him? He wasn't making the best first impression. What if they saw through his hoodie and judged him like everyone back home had? He came to the Academy and to Dashland for a fresh start. He didn't want to end up alone again. He pushed through the front doors. Only one way to find out. "Hey! You're here!" A small cat virus greeted him when she answered his knock at the door. "H-hi. Sorry I'm late." Horns replied. "Don't worry about it." The girl waved him off. "Come on, come meet everyone." Horns simply nodded, following her into the dorm apartment. The 'everyone' she was referring to were all seated on comfy looking couches and armchairs. They looked nice enough, though the girl with big hair looked a little... intense. "He's finally here!" The cat virus singsonged. There was a smattering of various greetings from the group. "Hi everyone. Um..." Horns rubbed his neck nervously. "Sorry I'm late." "Don't even worry about it." Another cat virus, a... really cute black cat, assured him. "You just missed the dude who's gonna take us to meet our mentor tomorrow. Apparently she's a 99er." The first girl gently nudged him towards a seat, and he took it in shock. "Do you know which one?" Horns asked, trying to contain his excitement. "Uh..." "Tungsten said her name was Gamma." The only other guy on the team, a gator virus with an impressively fancy hat, offered when the cat virus failed to remember. "I'm Callow by the way." "Oh right. Glitch." The black cat virus followed suit. Horns took note of the others' names as they introduced themselves, buzzing with excitement over his new mentor. Wing Cannon Gamma. He couldn't believe it. "So you got a name, or should we just call you late guy?" Peony asked. Horns chuckled. "Oh god, anything but that." He smiled around at the group. "I'm Horns. Horns Khaos."

But whenever I get cornered, I tend to bolt. “You wanted a day off that badly?” Psi asked, the venom barely there, but sticking out in his voice clear as day to a Horns in crisis. “Fine. You are dismissed. I have to go tend to this anyways.”

The crazy flora that had taken siege on the training field slowly began to dissipate as Psi walked away, lowering Equo to the ground before retreating. Horns simply watched him go. He felt numb, unsure exactly how he was supposed to react. It wasn’t until a hand clapped him on the back that he noticed his team had rushed up to him.

They were ecstatic. They’d actually done it! They’d beaten Plant Dad! Horns on the other hand flinched away from Callow’s hand on his back, silently moving away from the group. He heard their cheering halt as his team looked upon him anew, concern in their eyes, and their voices, but he was barely hearing them. He mumbled something about going for a walk, not really sure if the team heard him but not really caring either, and took off into the forest that surrounded the field. He used his speed as an added measure, making sure the team wouldn’t follow.

I guess it's better than shutting down. "Psi?" Horns called, knocking lightly on the door to his office as it swung open. "Peony wants to know if you're staying for dinner." The office was empty, the desk lamp still on, but casting useless light. He had to be in the other room. Horns paused at the door. Psi was probably asleep. Should he wake the 99er? He pushed the door open. The inside was dark, the light shining through the door illuminating his mentor's sleeping form. Against his better judgment, Horns approached the futon. In the dim light he caught sight of an old, but surprisingly vivid, scar running down Psi's bare upper arm. Horns closed his eyes against the memory. The shared memory. He knew exactly where that scar, and the others hidden beneath clothes and blankets, had come from. For a moment, Horns could almost feel the drills again, just as he had so clearly during his very first mind dive. He opened his eyes, wiping at them with one hand as the other reached out against his will. He gently traced down the length of the scar. "I'm sorry." Psi began to stir, pulling his arm ever so slightly away from Horns' touch, and suddenly the Satyr found himself balking under the angry yellow eyes of his mentor. He tried to move away, but Psi grabbed his wrist with impressive speed. "What are you doing?" The 99er asked. Horns tried to pull away, but found himself very much stuck in place. That was some grip. "Nothing. Sorry." Psi simply raised an eyebrow at him. Horns looked away. But that didn't stop the chill he could practically feel from Psi's gaze. "If you try that again, I might forget just how much I like you." He gave Horns' wrist a gentle squeeze, just a simple warning, and let him go. The Satyr pulled his arm away like he'd been burned. Still not making eye contact, he turned and headed out the way he came. He paused at the door to murmur another quiet apology before shutting it. "There you are." Peony met him just outside Psi's office. "I was wondering what was taking you so long. Is he staying?" "No." Horns sighed. "I don't think he is." "You okay?" Peony's tone softened upon noticing her friend's distress. "M'fine." He shouldered past her, heading quickly into his room.

But still. Sometimes I really wish I were someone else. Not... me. Someone with confidence. But... no. I'm better than I used to be. "Hey freak!" Horns looked up from his book. "H-hi Clay." "You know where you are, cow?" Clay leaned over him, making Horns shrink in his seat. Horns glanced around at the rest of his class eating lunch. "Uh... the cafeteria?" "You're in our spot." Clay's cronies behind him all made sounds of reinforcement. "What?" Horns looked around wildly. "No! You guys always sit-" "Didn't you hear me freakoid?" Clay hissed. "Get. Out." Horns ducked his head with a sniffle, gathering up his stuff as fast as possible. "Hurry it up, cow boy." Clay gave his shoulder a shove. He'd miscalculated his strength against Horns' size, however, and sent the smaller virus tumbling back in his chair, hitting the ground hard. Tears began to form in Horns' eyes as his bully simply laughed down at him. He had to get out of here. He didn't even care about lunch anymore, he simply grabbed his schoolbag and took off, easily dodging past the teacher that tried to stop him.

I do still think I'm weak. "Dude. Calm down." Callow soothed. "I can't." Horns paced in front of him. "I hate this. I hate this. I came here for a fresh start. So how come I'm exactly the same person here as I was back home?" "Because you're you." Callow said. "Well I wish I wasn't." Horns shot back. "I've put myself out there hundreds of times. You've seen how many times I've come home late smelling like sex. So why is it when things get real I just immediately back down? What's wrong with me? I want to stop being such a coward. I want to be stronger. So why can't I just get there?" "It takes time!" Callow responded. "Something like that's not just going to happen overnight!" "Yeah." Horns scoffed. "More like it's not going to happen at all."

But I find strength through my friends. “I… guess it’s time I told you.” Horns started. “I’m not what you think I am.”

“Geez. Dramatic Horns is dramatic.” Glitch joked, earning Jolly’s elbow in her side.

“I’m serious, Glitch. I… I’m not a bull virus.” Horns reached up hesitantly, pulling off his hood. At first the team was confused as to what this ‘reveal’ was supposed to mean, but slowly it clicked. Horns didn’t have cow ears. He had human ears. “I’m a Satyr.”

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Jolly asked.

“Satyrs… Fauns… Woodland Spirit viruses… they don’t have the… best reputation. We’re considered 'sexual deviants’ and a bunch of other things I’ve chosen to ignore. It was always just… easier to be seen as a bull virus than a Satyr.”

~

“Wait, you guys are okay with… with this, aren’t you?” As he asked it, he reached for his hood, possibly intending to pull it up if they weren’t.

The team glanced between each other before setting their breakfast aside and tackle hugging him on the sand.

Horns smiled, blinking back relieved tears. “Thanks guys.”

With them beside me, I know I can be better. I can face anything.

I will find my courage.