#also carls eyepatch is wrong in i think both of these cause i really did not like them flipped | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eurusholmmes · 8 years ago

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Carl Grimes// Take Me Back To The Start

Just because that’s such a cute gif of Chandler... Take a good long look. Also this is my first Carl x Reader insert because I normally pair him off with my OC, but here you go! Please enjoy!

Requested By Anon: You and Carl were best friends when you went to school together before The Turn. When the end of the world came raining down, you sought out protection with his mother Lori because much to your displeasure, your family could not be contacted. When you grow up so close to one another in a world that has no hope.. You allow your feelings to run your heart.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Hey Carl!” You cried out, laughing wildly as you kicked your legs higher and higher, causing your swing to raise further into the sky. Up. Up. Up. “Look at what I can do!”

Carl smiled as he closed his eyes to listen to the sound of your laughter. The two of you had been best friends since Kindergarten, having grown up a block away from one another. You were never much for typical girl things- so you spent most of your time getting dirty with the child of Lori and Rick Grimes.

“I bet I can go higher then you y/n!” He yelled victoriously, joining you on the opposite swing. Before you knew it, he was swinging back and forth in sync with you at the same height.

Up. Up. Up.

You smiled softly to yourself as you rest your head against your hand, your other arm tightly wrapped around Judith Grimes waist as she cooed at her father who now stood directly in front of you. “Oh, now that is a look I haven’t seen in a long time.” Rick mused, sitting down beside you on the swing and crossing his legs at the ankles. “What are you thinkin’ about?”

“How Carl and I never really got to be kids.” You replied softly while absentmindedly twirling a strand of hair around your finger. This new world was so dark and dreary; it had drained you of all possible hope that Judith would ever have a chance at a normal life. “When this all started in Atlanta, I was 12. 12. That’s not even a teenager yet. I actually thought we’d have some chance to be naive and care free... And then I saw Amy get bit. I watched Lori bleed out while Maggie took Judith from her uterus. I watched the only home I’d ever actually come to know before here get destroyed at the hands of a power hungry psychopath.”

But every time you lost someone or something, Carl was always right there to pick you back up again.

“Carl, this is pointless!” You snapped, lowering your weapon back to your side. It was an early November morning in Georgia, most of the ground already covered in a light sheet of snow with bitter chill to accompany it. You were more then equipped to defend yourself with blades, but you had no idea how to shoot a gun. “It’s cold, I’m exhausted, and I do not want to do this.”

“You are so frustratingly stubborn.” He muttered. “Use that anger you feel and aim it at the middle of that bottle. Straighten your spine, spread your legs... And relax. That gun can’t hurt you like the dead can.”

You exhaled slowly out your chapped lips and squeezed the trigger, dropping the gun from shock as the bottle exploded into glass shards on the opposite side of the fence. Carl grinned widely as you turned to him and threw your arms around his neck while laughing in disbelief.

“I did it! I actually did it!!”

He pulled away first and wiggled his eyebrows as you scooped down to grab your discarded gun. “I had faith. I’ll always have faith in you.”

The two of you had come so far since that day - you both had killed people, protected one another, and it wasn’t until you got to Alexandria that you had finally succumbed to your feelings for the oldest Grimes.

“Y/n!” Carol called out. You turned away from where you had been tormenting Glenn about his lack of creativity with his hair and bound up stairs to where Carol stood in your room, rummaging through the enormous collection of sundresses and blouses in your closet. “You are coming to Deanna’s welcome party for us tonight?”

“When did you turn into my mother?”

“When you very bluntly told me that you wanted one.Plus, you’re firey like Daryl and on top of that, you’re an unusual mix of the two of us. It’s weird.” She replied sarcastically, pressing a kiss to your brow before turning back to your closet. “What’s Carls favorite color?”

Your eyes widened as you felt a hot blush creep up your neck to the tips of your ears. “Why does Carls favorite color determine what I wear?” You muttered almost to yourself, your tongue pressed between your teeth as Carol beamed at your attempt to hide your embarrassment with your y/h/c hair.

“Don’t play innocent now.” She tutted. “Everyone knows that the two of you like each other. We all suspected it since the start of the Prison, but you two really started to show it when we got here.”

You cocked your head and allowed your hair to fall so your eyes could meet her own. “Navy. He thinks I look good in anything navy.” You replied, lightly smacking her arm as she cheered and pulled out the first navy piece of clothing she saw - a navy blue sundress and white sandals. “You’re setting me up for disaster, Carol Peletier. I should banish you from existence for it.”

“When you wake up tomorrow in his arms, you can thank me then.”

In the half an hour it took you to get ready for Deanna’s welcome party for your family, you found yourself reminiscing some of your most tragic memories with Carl Grimes, and some of your most beautiful.

Beth had been your best girl friend since the Farm. The thing you couldn’t take to Carl you took to her instead, which in turn had created a deep relationship between the two of you. She was basically your older sister - always giving you the best advice when you needed it.

But you never got to thank her.

Carl tightly gripped your hand as the two of you walked in step through the parking lot, putting down any walker that remotely came close to you. Michonne was directly in front of you with Abraham and Glenn to your right, the entire group frozen as the doors opened and Rick Grimes stepped through.

A paralyzing scream broke past your lips as your knees gave out beneath you, your vision blurry with tears as you registered the familiar head of blonde hair now stained red from what looked to be a head shot wound. Daryl was stumbling out of the hospital with Beth Greenes body in his arms. Maggie was screaming. Everyone else was silent.

How could someone so good be the one who got taken?

“Why-” You pressed your hands against your knees and lifted your head to meet Carls concerned blue eyes as he knelt in front of you. “Why is it always the good ones who die young and brave?”

You let out another broken sob as Carl cupped the back of your head, gently shushing your cries as you buried your face in his neck.

You stood to your feet and let out a shaky breath, applying a coat of nude lipstick before turning back to your bedroom door. You hesitate as your fingers shake over the doorknob, wondering what the point is in going to a dinner party with people you barely know. Strangers.

“Y/n, it’s time to go! Let’s-” You gasped as the door was thrown open to reveal your best friend in his newest outfit, one that happened to accentuate the blues of his eyes. You were breathless as you swallowed nervously, unable to look away as his eyes scanned your body. “You look breathtaking.”

“You look good yourself, Grimes.” You mused in a futile attempt to hide the fact you were paralyzed from the waist down. Never once had you had an actual crush on someone before, let alone the only boy who knew everything there was to know about you. “Are you ready to go?”

“Finally!” Carol responded, straightening her navy cardigan as she gripped her casserole dish and followed Rick out the door. “I was beginning to believe that you had gotten cold feet y/n.”

Your heart beat escalated as Carls fingers laced with yours, his attention solely focused on Judith who was giggling as he lightly ghosted his fingers over her belly. “This is coming from the woman whose boyfriend that actually isn’t her boyfriend very specifically told you that you look completely ridiculous. Daryl’s never wrong.’’

“Daryl is not always right either.” You puckered your lips at the older woman who merely shook her head in response, softly laughing beneath her breath. “Have a fun night. Go be a kid for once, and don’t touch the alcohol.”

“Yes mom!”

You had gotten out of the Prison with Carl and Rick after Michonne had killed The Governor. It broke you to know the people who meant the world to you were once again separated, but somewhere in the back of your head you knew it wouldn’t be long before you were reunited for good. “Let’s see who balances better on the tracks.” You spoke, taking Carls attention away from where he was nagging Michonne for one of her candy bars. “If I win, I get the candy bar.”

“And if I win?”

“You get to kiss me.”

Michonnes jaw dropped as Carl jumped up onto the rail of the tracks and outstretched his arms to help improve his balance. “You better believe that I’m going to be the winner here.”

“In your dreams sunshine. I’m Orphan Victorious. Winning is in my blood!”

You were there for nearly an hour before you had the sudden desire to walk out. Mikey and Sam had already gone home for the night, which left you and Carl to linger around Noah while cracking stupid jokes to keep the mood light. “Alright, I’ve got one. My dad used to tell it to me all the time.” Noah replied, clearing his throat. “What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch?”

“Surprise me.”

“Names!”

Tears of laughter rolled down your cheeks as you sat your glass down on the table beside where the three of you stood. “This was the most laid back event i have been to in years. It was fun.” You turned to Carl and nodded towards the door. “Daryl and I have a poker game waiting. I’m going home.”

“I’ll walk you there. G’night Noah!”

“Goodnight Grimes! Be good to your girlfriend!”

You subconsciously rubbed your shoulders as the two of you shuffled down the street towards the house, where only the kitchen light was on inside. Even with the scarce amount of light, you could visibly tell it was Daryl rummaging about in the kitchen. “Did you enjoy yourself tonight?” Carl said quietly, leading you up to the porch and patting the seat beside him on the porch swing. “You looked beautiful.”

“Dresses really aren’t my thing.” You replied. “But thank you.” A comfortable silence ensued as you awkwardly sat beside one another, fiddling with your hands until Carl rested his hand on your knee. “Carl-”

“I’m going to say it one more time.” His voice dropped an octave as he used his other hand to tilt your chin towards his, his lips inches away from your own. “You looked radiant.”

Before you could even register what was going on, his mouth was gently angled on your own. Your instincts took over as you reciprocated his kiss, pulling away when it got difficult to breathe. His bright blue irises glowed underneath the moonlight as you let out a breathless laugh. “Did you ever think it would come to this? The two of us.. falling in love?”

“When we were kids... I thought I was going to marry you.” He replied, relaxing his body as you rested your head on his shoulder while his fingers played with the ends of your hair. “That was a whole other world then.”

“And now?”

“When we’re old enough, and if we’re both still alive... I would give up everything to call you my wife.”

You smiled warmly and pressed a kiss to his jaw before standing up, resting your finger against your lips. “How about we start with the typical teen crap?” You mused, swaying back and forth as you lead him inside the house. “Late night dates and stolen kisses and dancing?”

“That’s typical teen crap?” He hissed in response. Before you could form a swift reply, the lights flickered on only to reveal Daryl sitting on the stairs with a bottle of bourbon loosely hanging between his fingertips. “H-Hi Daryl.”

“What you’re talkin’ about is typical romance novel crap. Go get a room you two.” He beckoned, jabbing a thumb up the stairs to where your bedrooms were. You blushed and rushed past your father to change your clothes, leaving Carl alone with Daryl at the bottom of the steps. “That girl means the world to me.”

“I know. I’ll make a audible promise to you right now that I never intend on hurting her. We’re just getting started with acting on our feelings..” Carls voice faded as Daryl took another swig of his drink. “But we could be extraordinary, Daddy Dixon.”

“Go up there with her and keep the door open. I don’t want to see anythin’ naughty.” He snorted softly to himself as Carl nodded eagerly and vanished up the staircase.

When Carol and Rick came home that night, Carol found herself at Carls bedroom door watching the two teenagers sleep in each others secure embrace. Rick crept up behind her and snickered quietly as he watched Carl nuzzle into your neck. “I told you all it would take was the right outfit.”

“Now it’s your turn.” Rick replied. “Get the right outfit on and go woo Dixon over.”

Want to know a secret?

You both lived. Rick blessed the engagement, and much to your astonishment you now had the title you’d been dreaming of since the days you used to doodle the name on your drawings in elementary school.

Mrs. Carl Grimes

#carl grimes oneshot #carl grimes imagine #the walking dead imagines #carl grimes x reader

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totalfanfreak · 8 years ago

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My Sweet Pup Pt. 8

[OMG, after this the endings. *Inhales* I really want to get this wrapped up but make it good before the next airing in February, I know, it seems far away but damn my ass needs to get in gear before it is upon us! Plus, it’s NeganSmutWeek next week and I actually want to participate. :D Also I finally got my dumbass to use the keep reading tab.]

Negan had taken Carl to his room, and when the girls flocked back to Amber to comfort her you took the moment to gather yourself and leave to alert Carson. That look Daryl had given. He knew there was no doubt about it, that he could be the father. It still wasn’t real, it probably wouldn’t be for a good while, but to place a hand on your stomach and think there was life in there – it was incredible.

And terrifying, not just with everything that was going on, but the fear that you could ever become your mother, to fail your child so miserably, or worse, to not be there at all. You don’t know how good of a fix the chemo had done, the half-full part of you wanted to think everything was fine, you were cured, but that’s not how it worked. It took follow-ups and more extensive tests to make sure things were normal, something that wasn’t here anymore. But you intended to do whatever it took to stay as long as you could. Especially now that you had something to live for, someone who would depend on you.

Knocking on the door, you heard the mumbled greeting as you saw Carson looking over papers.

“Oh, Y/N, do you need something for nausea?”

“Oh, um, no, but thank you, I’m afraid Negan asked me to get you. That he was going to punish someone soon.”

Carson sighed, taking his glasses off and putting them in his coat pocket. “I never look forward to these days. I’ll be down there as soon as I grab my bag.”

“Thank you, Carson.”

“You are doing all right, aren’t you, Y/N?”

The question surprised you. “Yes sir, as much as I can be, I’m a little queasy and tired but I can handle it. Why?”

“I know you push your symptoms aside a lot, and with so much happening at the rate it’s going – just remember to keep them in check, and alert someone. We need to keep on top of things here on out.”

“I know, thank you again, Carson, for everything.”

“No, problem, dear, I should get down there.”

You didn’t know if Negan was still with Carl in his room, he probably wouldn’t want you in there if he were; maybe you could head outside by yourself for once since everyone would have to attend the punishing. Taking note that the common area was empty you made your way to the back loading entrance.

“Where ya headed?”

Startled, you stumbled in your step, having to kneel and pick yourself up. “What are you doing up here, Daryl?”

“Lookin’ for ya. You think I wasn’t gonna want to talk about it? How that’s my kid?”

“We don’t know that –“

“Bullshit! Ever since I’ve known ya he’s been having at ya to get you pregnant, never worked did it? Fucker’s shootin’ off blanks. We’re together one time and now you’re…”

You both stared at one another. You could tell he was nervous, the way his jaw was ticking and his hands clenched.

“I’d treat ya right, you know?”

“I know.”

“I don’t know how good a father I’d be but I’d do my damndest to make sure neither of ya want for nothing. I’d keep ya safe.”

“I know.”

“We could leave, find our way out together.”

“I know, but I don’t know if I can.”

He didn’t answer, his eyes zoned in on you.

“I know it shouldn’t be this hard, but it is, I don’t want anything happening to either of you. I care about you both, I don’t – I don’t want anything bad to happen.”

“Shit’s gonna happen anyway, Y/N, you have to know that. With the world like it is now, nothing stays peaceful long. And with how that fucker is, he’s brewing up a shitstorm.”

“Daryl, I don’t know what you want me to –“

“You need to figure it out yerself, and ya need to do it in a hurry. Until then you’ll know where I’ll be.”

“Daryl –“

“I gotta get down there before the goons come lookin’ for me.”

Gif by Reedusgifs

The sadness that lingered in his eyes, it was going to haunt you. Flopping yourself in your room you contemplated cutting yourself down the middle to end the conflict, but declined the idea because of the baby.

“You’re the only thing I’m sure of now, little one.”

Letting your body meld with the sheets you let your mind contemplate back to your dream. How could your grandmother been so wrong? Then again maybe it was just you, with your inability to make a clear cut decision you had made everything in your life uncertain. But there had to be something that could make things definite. Putting a hand on your belly you scoffed.

“You think that’d be you.”

What if Daryl was right, what if somehow Negan wasn’t able to produce children, what if the child was his? Shouldn’t Daryl have the right to be with the baby then? You didn’t have much doubt whether or not he’d be a good father, but you think Negan would be a good dad too. How’d this even happen, you knew, but still, several years ago most of the things you seen would be implausible, but this…

“Why did I even let it happen?”

“I don’t know, but talking to yourself and expecting an answer is just unhealthy.”

Tilting your head back, you saw Tanya standing in the doorway.

“It is. But I never claimed to have a stable mind.”

She snorted. “I don’t think anyone on this planet does anymore.”

“What were you needing, not that I mind the company, I could use a distraction from myself right now.”

“Negan wanted to speak to you, the iron, it’s done.”

“Who was it?”

Tanya shrugged. “Mark, of course.”

“Yeah, I was afraid the boy as well. Is Mark, okay?”

“As much as he can be, he’ll recover.”

“Good. Is Amber, okay? I feel bad for not being there.”

“Don’t, you know we don’t expect you to go to those things. Hell, if Negan said I didn’t, you think I’d go?”

“I don’t know. I just should’ve been there. Instead of ignoring everything bad that goes on.”

“Sometimes it’s better to be oblivious.”

“Maybe, or maybe it makes things worse.”

Tanya went to sit on the corner of the bed.

“I wonder what he’s going to do with us. I was stuck doing every task I could to earn points to live day by day.”

“We’ll figure it out. I won’t let him just –“

“Throw us out.”

“Tanya…”

She smiled, shaking her head. “Don’t be like that; I know you’ll do what you can. Honestly, I’m surprised it has taken him this long. I know he collected us for power. But we have eyes you know.”

You scooted to where Tanya sat, letting your head rest by her thigh.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being you, brass, and honest, I like…I like to think of us as friends, Tanya.”

You felt a squeeze on your shoulder. “We are doofus. No matter what happens. Now get your lazy ass up, he’s waiting by the loading zone.”

“Thanks again.”

“Shut up and go.”

You felt bad leaving her there, her own life clouded with doubt as well. But you didn’t want to be kept in those thoughts, and hoped Negan would have something more cheerful for you. You held your breath walking through some of the corridors. Getting closer to the ground level the smell was starting to come through. Singed hair and flesh. The thought was pushing your stomach over, and you had to stop to try to get it under control. It was a relief the doors were open, trucks being checked for oil and gas. You saw Negan outside, Carl nearby, as he swung Lucille around directing the others on where to go. You noticed the eyepatch was gone, a hole where his eye should be. And you wondered what could have happened to a boy so young to have an injury like that.

“Are you leaving?”

“Sunshine! Yeah, we’re leaving, got to take Carl home, don’t we?”

“I guess, you both be careful out there.”

Negan furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talkin’ about darlin’? You’re coming with us.”

Your head sprang up. “What?”

“Yeah, you’ve been pretty much begging to get out so I thought, why not take you? Though this is a onetime thing until the baby’s born, but with you up and running might as well take advantage while we can.”

Elation filled you. “I get to go? In the truck?”

You noticed Carl rolling his eyes at your grin. “Never seen anyone get excited about riding in a truck before.”

“Careful, boy, I can still knock that other eye out for you. My girl doesn’t need added stress so she doesn’t go out without cause. So thanks to you, there’s cause. Come on and hop up darlin’.”

While Negan was talking an idea whirled in your head, a lot of the crew would be gone, Negan would be gone, you would be gone. It was the perfect chance for Daryl to run.

“Is there enough time for me to grab a jacket?”

“’Course darlin’, take what you need, but you better hurry up or we’ll be leaving without you.”

You smiled at your husband before doing your best to sprint down the hall. You had to grab a jacket now that you said it, but you had to write a note too. Then a key, God, how were you going to get the key? Writing as fast as you could you stuck the note in an envelope before writing – Go Now! On the front. He had to take this chance. He had to, he had to know that by now.

Scuttling downstairs, your breath was becoming ragged from all the moving around. You’d been in bed for weeks and now it was catching up. Shifting along the wall towards the cells, you were about to turn when you heard something fall and break.

“Motherfucker!”

“What the hell were you thinkin’ man?”

You couldn’t think of who the one voice was, but the other, you knew, was Joey’s.

“Damn it! Will you hurry up and help me clean this up before Gary or one of them comes?”

“Calm down, most of ‘em are going to Alexandria, it’s cool, alright?”

“Just help me get the shit to clean it up.”

“Whatever, man.”

Waiting, you listened to the footfalls until they were gone before turning the corner to see glass and liquid all over the floor. You covered your nose, the smell of beer making you belch. Tiptoeing past the remnants you peeked into the guards’ area, thanking God, and whoever else was listening that it was empty. Grabbing the ring of keys you searched until you saw the one etched with an A, you taped it on the envelope. Making sure things were still clear you made your way to the door, hunching down to push it under, until your hand was grabbed.

“Daryl? It’s just me.”

“What the hell ya doin’ down here?”

“You have to go, you kept you didn’t want any of it to fall back on me, I – I get to go out. I actually get to go outside the fences and go somewhere. This is it, Daryl. This is the chance you need to take.”

“Y/N –“

“I know, and I’m sorry but you’re kind of dumb for sticking around because of me. I don’t think I’m worth it. Maybe it’s a self-worth thing I’m not sure but you deserve someone better. J-just, no matter what happens after this, please know, please remember that you will always have a part of me. That you awakened me, okay? I don’t know what’s going to happen, or what I’ll do, but please remember that.”

You clasped his hand, reluctantly pulling back and ambling away when you heard voices approaching. You ran, from there, letting your lungs ache. Let it hurt. Something was breaking in you, and you wanted it to crack and ooze. You wanted the wound to hurry up and scab so it could heal. This was it, and it’s what needed to be done, you only hoped he would take it.

“There she is. We were about to load up, sunshine.”

“Sorry it took me so long.”

Negan approached you, running a finger along your cheek. “You look flushed, darlin’.”

“I know I ran so I could hurry.”

“Don’t be pulling that shit, you already been in bed for the last few months you don’t want to be put back there do you?”

You shook your head, pulling the jacket on. “No, captain, my captain.”

He smirked. “Oh, you’re getting a smart mouth on you, you better get that ass of yours in the truck before I smack it.”

You looked up in the truck. “I have to sit in the back?”

“Women and children in back, how it goes sunshine, unless you want to sit on my lap the whole way.”

“I wouldn’t mind that. It’s your leg going numb not mine.”

Negan grinned, playfulness entering his eyes. “I wouldn’t mind it either, darlin’. Alrighty then, Carl, you buckled?”Your gaze going to the backseat you could see the young man give Negan the stink eye as he pushed the seat back.

“Better get it on, boy or we ain’t going no fucking where.”

Letting Negan get in first you heard a sigh fill the cab as he reached for you.

“What about you two? You going to fasten your belts too?”

Negan snorted. “I just love how fucking snippy you are, I guess this is what we have to look forward to in seventeen years, sunshine. Yeah, we’re going to buckle up, you’re forgetting how fucking fat truckers used to be. I could probably fit you up here and still have room leftover. Now shut your damn mouth.”

Starting the engine, you couldn’t help the giggle as Gary revved the motor. Watching the scenery pass you couldn’t believe you were passing the gates, the detached limbs of walkers on the statues as you went through the silent town. You let yourself lean back, feeling Negan’s heart beating on your shoulder, the little bumps as the road rocked you; it was the most wondrous thing you had experienced in the longest time. Watching the world go by in a slow blur, you took in all you could. Was it beautiful? A lot of it, not really, but heading towards the woods it was. The bare trees swaying, you could smell the bark from the heater.

“Could we open the windows, just for a minute?”

“You getting too hot, sunshine?”

“No, I just want to smell the woods.”

Negan snickered upon that, pulling you up higher on his lap. “I don’t think a minute will freeze our balls off.”

You smiled when he rolled the window down for you, letting yourself lean on the edge as the wind whipped in your face. When was the last time you even rode in a car? You remembered hating it, doing countless errands and going to work and school trying to keep yourself afloat. But this was freedom. The cold air reviving your senses, soon you couldn’t feel your nose and you knew your cheeks would be following; pulling yourself in you rolled the window back up.

“Had enough?”

“My nose has.”

You smiled when he kissed the tip of it, and you let yourself nestle into him. This is what you knew, his smell, his touch, it was familiar and good. All of this at once, it should be the quintessential part of happiness, right? Moving up towards a metal gate covered with a tarp, Negan leaned over with you and let the horn go.

“Wakey, wakey, you dumb fucks! I’m going to have to get up sunshine; you stay in the truck until I tell you to get out.”

You nodded, shifting to unbuckle so he could get out. He tapped on the gate with Lucille and you could see a shadow cross from behind the sheet. As the gate rolled away you were in awe with what you saw. A suburbs, an honest to God suburbs, you had never been to one except seeing them on television but it was beautiful. It was surreal, especially with everything so neat, the houses pristine and gardens full of color you felt like you had stepped inside a painting. Gary pulled up into one of the driveways, letting the other trucks have a chance to get in.

“Well, Carl, we got you back home - safe and sound. Let’s go have a gab session about your antics with your dad.”

You didn’t have to look to know the boy was scowling, him letting Negan help you out before he jumped out of the truck himself.

“What do you think sunshine?”

“It’s not what I was expecting.”

Nobody seemed to be on the streets except for the man arming the gate.

“No, no it’s fucking not. You doing okay?”

“I need to use the restroom.”

“Come on then, darlin’. Rick won’t mind if we use his. Will he, Carl?”

Going up the sidewalk, you looked at all the picturesque houses, waiting to see if there would be anyone coming out. Walking up to one you smiled at the yellow of the door that matched your dress. Everything was bright here. Taking Lucille, Negan banged on the door until a woman came and opened the door. You couldn’t help but look to Carl. Were there more women here? Were there more kids here like him? From the awkward glance he gave you, he knew you had no idea about what Alexandria entailed.

After Negan pushed his way in, you felt Carl nudge you to go forward.

“Carl, where’s –“

“Enid’s fine.”

There was no one else with him when he arrived at the Sanctuary, none that you knew of, and you hoped the person was okay like he said.

“Point my wife in the direction of the shitter, she’s pissing for two now.”

“Negan!”

“Y-your wu-wife?”

“Yes, my wife, calm down darlin’ pregnant women piss way more than normal people do.”

“Will you quit saying things like that?”

“I don’t know what you’re getting upset about.”

“May I please use the restroom?”

The woman pointed upstairs. “Up the stairs, go left and it’ll be the second to the right.”

“Thank you.”

“She’s so cute when she turns red like that.”

Oh, you were going to kick him, but after driving for almost an hour you were about ready to burst.

“So, where’s Rick?”

After using the restroom, you let yourself clean up. Rick must be the leader here. Rick who was Carl’s dad, who was a sheriff. That you knew. You were told through people that Alexandria was full of male soldiers and were dangerous. A sheriff could be the leader of soldiers, but there were two women here that you knew of. The one that was Daryl’s friend’s wife and the lady downstairs, and the woman down there didn’t appear a soldier. This was confusing, and becoming a good indicator that you shouldn’t listen to people and their rumors. This changed your viewpoint on the place.

Turning out the light, you were about to make your way back down until you heard a whimper. It was quiet and you thought you had imagined it until it came again, this time louder. You weren’t familiar with the sound, and going to the door that held the source you knew it wasn’t an animal. No, if you had to bet money, you’d say it was a –

“Baby?”

An actual baby, more accurately a toddler, but there it was, a she if the little dress was an indication. She whimpered again looking at you, snot running down her nose.

“What’s the matter, sweetie?”

She closed her eyes letting the tears spill, blowing bubbles out of her mouth.

“Did you have a bad dream?”

Searching, you saw some tissues on the dresser. Taking a few you went over and gently cleaned the girl’s face. Her watching you with big hazel eyes.

“Hey, now, it’s okay whatever happened it’s okay.”

“Buh?”

You smiled. “You trying to talk to me?”

“Dah.”

“I like your elephant. It’s not as pretty as you are but it’s nice.”

The toddler looked at you curiously, tugging on the elephant’s trunk. You were scared, but you held out your hands.

“You want out, I see you have some toys.”

She squealed holding her arms out to you. You smiled as you rested her on your hip, her little fists clutching on. So this was what it would feel like? It was nice. It felt right somehow.

“Will you show me what you have?”

Setting her down, she stumbled to the box pulling out blocks and balls, a few cloth dolls, and plastic cups. She picked them up one by one setting them down in front of you, narrating it all with her toddler babble. You smiled at her when she took a seat next to you.

“What do you do with this?”

You held out the cup, which she took, banging on the end of it, before talking into the opening, amplifying the sound.

“Oh, I see. Maybe we can leave one up, and throw the ball –“

She watched you demonstrate taking a few tries to get one of the balls into the cup. She laughed, the few teeth she had sparkling at you, and you couldn’t help but laugh too giving her a ball to let her try.

“Buh!”

“I know you did it.”

“Y/N! The fuck are you?”

“NO!”

So she does know words.

You smiled as you watched her go and bang a cup on the door, telling the shouter to cool it.

“The fuck is this?”

“It’s just where the water heater is.”

Oh, Carl obviously didn’t want Negan in here.

“Yeah, because heaters make fucking noises like that.”

You motioned for the girl to come back, and she did squealing her girl giggles as she tumbled on you.

“Oh, my. Looks like we found two angels in here.”

Gif by mypapawinchester

“Dut.”

“I’m sorry, I heard her when I was in the bathroom.”

Carl shrugged when Negan handed him Lucille, anxiety looming over his face and body. He couldn’t possibly think either of you would hurt a baby.

“What’s her name?”

“Judith.”

You looked at Judith who was babbling to her brother. “It’s a very nice name.”

“Thanks, I named her after one of my teachers.”

You watched her place her little fingertips together when Negan squatted to the floor.

“I’m too old for this bullshit.”

“Say that to me again in a few years.”

He grinned at you. “Maybe I’ll let you do all the heavy lifting, save my back the trouble.”

He was silenced when Judith came over and poked his face. “Well, just what do you think you’re doing sweet pea?”

She turned to grin at you. “I think she might like your beard.”

He rubbed a hand over the salt and pepper stubble. “I don’t know, do you think it says family man?”

“It’s hair, it’ll say whatever you want it to say.”

After watching you play with Judith a while longer, Negan strained to stand up. You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped.

“The big, bad Negan being thwarted by popping knees.”

“Keep it up there, darlin’, and you’ll see how bad I am.”

You shook your head, making your own way to your feet, rubbing your arms when you stood.

“What’s the matter?”

“A tad cold is all.”

Negan stripped his jacket off, and handed it to you. “Don’t know why you picked the thinnest fucking jacket you have. I know you have thicker ones than that.”

“Didn’t think it’d be this chilly, plus I thought the excitement would keep me warm.”

“Don’t know what excitement you thought of, but it’s the middle of winter, sunshine. Now, come on, I told what’s her name…Olivia! See I can remember her damn name, I told her to make some lemonade for us, why don’t you take sweet pea down there while I clean up.”

Sliding the jacket on you sighed from the warmth he had left behind. The smell of him embedded into the leather, the sleeves did bypass your hands and it was too baggy to even attempt to zip but it was comfortable.

“Liking my clothes, darlin’?”

“You know I do.”

He flashed a grin. “Good, I like seeing you in them. Go get that sweet ass downstairs, when I’m done maybe we can whip us up some lunch.”

“Does Judith have a jacket, in case we go outside.”

Carl nodded, pulling a little fleece hoodie from the dresser.

“Stay inside for right now, Y/N, the guards can’t have their eyes on everything. So you wait on me.”

You weren’t exactly sure what Negan expected to happen, now that your perspective of the place was warped you weren’t quite sure the level of danger it could be. But you nodded, not wanting to take a chance either way, hefting Judith back up and heading downstairs. On the last step you saw the woman from earlier scrambling around putting items on the kitchen island.

“Do you need some help?”

She jumped. “Oh, no, I’m just trying to find the ingredients he was asking for.”

Judith began clenching her hand open and closed gesturing to the sippy cup on the high chair.

“Is it okay if I get her something to drink?”

The woman nodded, hurried. “Yes, of course, I made a pitcher of lemonade over there.”

“Thank you. You sure you’re okay?”

She wiped her glasses on her shirt and gave a tired chuckle. “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“Me?”

“I just…he’s never brought a wife here before. I didn’t – he’s not holding in captive or something is he?”

“Oh, no! No, I just wanted to ride. I haven’t been outside our base in years. You get cabin fever after a while. It’s really nice here. Thank you for being so welcoming.”

“I-it’s no problem. I’m Olivia, by the way.”

“Y/N, and Negan mentioned you upstairs.”

Olivia’s eyes widened. “Oh God, was it because I smacked him?”

Your own eyes widened as you laughed. “You did? I wish I could’ve seen that.”

“I-I, he, the things he was saying it made me angry, I couldn’t help it.”

You handed the cup to Judith, watching her head tip back as she gulped the contents down.

“It’s okay, really, he isn’t as careful in what he says as he should. He needs to be knocked into place sometimes. So, since all that’s out of the way, maybe you can relax just tell me what to get and I’ll find it for you.”

“That’s very sweet of you, but I got it, I have a friend bringing over some more lemonade to make. H-he says he wants to cook.”

“He doesn’t often, but he gets those domestic urges every now and again.”

“It gives you an excuse to kiss the cook.”

“I don’t need – what happened?”

You looked at Negan in shock. He had shaved. The beard you had seen for years, gone, replaced with a smooth surface. His dimples were now more prominent, making him look younger, and somehow more imposing.

“So, how about that kiss, sunshine?”

“Do I know you?”

“Oh, you’re funny.”

“Me? Why’d you shave?”

“Told you, I’m a one woman family man now. Gotta to be straight and narrow now.”

“Oh?”

“Yep, so how about my little woman come give me a smooch before helping me cook us a meal?”

It was odd to not have the bristly texture caress your face, it was sort of more intimate now, skin on skin, the smell of shaving cream on him still, and you couldn’t help the moan that left your lips as he pulled back.

Wow, even his grin looks bigger.

You reached up with your free hand to stroke the naked skin, admiring how your fingers glided so effortlessly now.

“You like it then?”

“It’s different, but you know I like you any way you are.”

He kissed you one more time, before dragging the high chair to the island.

“Put sweet pea in here, while we work. Carl! Get down here! Y/N’s going to need help with the rolls.”

It was astounding; you never pictured to be in such a normal scenario: being in such a nice home, with nice people, rolling out dough, giving some to Judith to play with while Carl shaped them, Negan stirring noodles and chopping tomatoes for sauce.

“Damn that’s good! Want a taste, kid?”

gif by mypapawinchester

Carl’s eyes slit but he didn’t say anything, Negan shrugged away, chuckling. “What about you, sunshine? I know you haven’t eaten in a while, have a taste, and tell me how daddy did.”

The spoon was already in your mouth before he finished and you almost choked when he did.

“I’m not the one that’s going to be calling you daddy, okay?”

“And why not darlin’, it’d be very tempting. How about you, sweet pea?”

He dipped the spoon back in the sauce, blowing on it, before offering it to Judith. Who in turn grabbed it to do it herself.

“See that, she loves it!”

“It is good.”

“See I’m more than just a pretty face.”

“Sure you are.”

He swatted your behind playfully. “Get the table ready. We’re going to have us a nice family meal. Olivia, help her with the baby.”

You couldn’t tell how Carl felt about it, you knew he was angry, but he had reluctance to defy. Poor Olivia just seemed nervous, fearful, as she rushed to move Judith and her high chair back to the table, coming back to help you take down some plates. You were beginning to feel bad, an intruder, which, in reality you were. But more so now, sitting down at someone else’s table eating their food that they had to scavenge. Feeling tired, you took the seat near the high chair.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, I’ll feed her.”

“If Y/N wants to she will, she wants to practice anyways, don’tcha darlin’?”

You didn’t answer, your head a little clouded. “Y/N? You okay?”

You nodded. “I’m fine. My brain’s a little spacey is all.”

“You need some food in your belly, here, I’ll make you a plate.”

“I’m not really –“

“You’re eating, end of discussion, you’ve been eating like a mouse for weeks.”

“A bird.”

“What?”

“Huh?”

“You said something, darlin’.”

He was worried, the sudden change in your demeanor prominent. “I did? I didn’t realize I did.”

You could feel him behind you, placing the plate on the table. “You’re going to eat this, and then you’re going to rest. I’m going to have Arat posted so no one bothers us.”

“We should probably clean up the kitchen.”

“Fuck that. Rick obviously didn’t have the fucking manners to show up so we don’t have to do shit.”

You rubbed your face, you didn’t want to argue. “Since Arat will be outside can I sit on the porch to get some fresh air?”

Negan pointed a fork towards your plate. “When you’re through eating you can.”

Your head jerked at Olivia’s snort, Negan’s did as well. “Something funny there, Miss Olivia?”

You could tell she hadn’t meant to be heard, her voice shaking. “N-no, I just find it odd that she has to ask permission and clean her plate just to go outside.”

“Well, if your people weren’t so damn gun ho about everything I might feel safe with my wife going where she wanted around here, not to fucking damn mention that you know nothing about our relationship, Miss Fucking Olivia. And you don’t know a damn thing about her. She needs to eat, end of story for you.”

You took a few bites of noodles to quell his anger, dipping tiny bits of bread in the sauce.

“Does this mean you’re Italian, and I didn’t know about it?”

You were glad his smile returned. “I’m a mix of many things, sunshine.”

Eating half the plate, Negan was sated enough to let you sit on the rockers outside with Judith, who had started dozing in her chair. Your body was still shaky and you didn’t know if it were the nerves or the pregnancy that was causing them.

“He know you’re outside?”

You nodded to Arat, slipping into the rocker, holding little Judith against as you wrapped the leather jacket around her small body too. The rocking was comforting and you wondered if there was a way to make one back at the Santuary. But then you wondered if you were going to stay there, looking down at Judith’s tiny features, eyelids drooping shut, you knew you had to think what would be best for your own child. What that was, you didn’t know either, but the chair itself was good. It was enough to calm you and let your own eyes close.

“And I said NO!”

Wincing from the sudden shout, you opened your eyes to see Arat yelling a man. He was nicely dressed, dress shoes and shirt tucked in. You had to admit he was handsome.

“Why are you yelling Arat?”

“Go back to sleep, Y/N, it’s not your concern.”

“I just want to talk to him. Tell him, both of you, welcome.”

“That’s very kind of you.”

He gave a dazzling smile. “Just doing my part.”

“I’ll see what he’s doing.”

“Y/N –“

You ignored Arat, shifting Judith while opening the door.

“Negan?”

You found him still in the kitchen, wiping down plates with Carl before putting them away.

“You cleaned up?”

“I could tell you’d be pissed if we left the mess, so yeah, should of fucking left it though. You feeling any better?”

“Yeah.”

“You still look wiped fucking out. Go lay down on the couch, I shouldn’t have let you stay out in the cold this long any damn way. Fucking mess took damn near forever to do.”

“Um, there’s a young man outside, he wanted to say hello to you.”

“To me? Someone comes around the neighborhood to say fucking hello to me? Fuck sake. Olivia! Since Carl and I cleaned up, you can be nice enough to get Y/N a blanket, and put the baby down to sleep.”

“She’s fine, I got her.”

“You’re too damn tired, Y/N. You’re going to end up dropping her.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

“I usually am.”

You wrinkled your nose. “Try again.”

Putting his hands on your shoulders he steered you to the couch, helping you lay down.

“Get some rest darlin’. When Rick gets here we’ll say hello and leave.”

You nodded, your body already settling in the cushions. This was much better than the ones in the common room, this one made to be comfy on than to be decoration. You could hear the screen door swinging and the small bit of cold air that came through was enough to throw you back into the realm of unconsciousness.

“I can’t do it grandma. I can’t decide.”

“You have to listen to your heart, shortcake.”

“My heart has been ripped in two.”

“Then you must go along with the piece that is bigger. You need to know what it is you need in this life.”

“I want comfort, love, and security as well as adventure, purpose, and equality. Doesn’t help.”

“You’ll figure it out soon, it’s almost time.”

“Is it?”

She smiled to you, and you felt the wisp of her lips on your temple.

At first you had thought it was fireworks that had woken you, until you realized the gunpowder smell was from a gun.

“Negan!”

Someone could have shot him, the way he wanted people to stand guard, maybe they got past, and…Throwing open the door your mouth fell open at the sight, a silent cry emitting. The boy from earlier was crumpled on the ground, curled up inwards with what looked like his intestines, his blood soaking so much of the pavement.

“What the shit? What the SHIT! You tried to kill me? You shot Lucille!”

Gif by mypapawinchester

“She got in the way.”

You ears rang from the yelling, seeing a girl tackled as Negan waved Lucille at her. What could have happened for this to take place, everything had been good when you went to sleep, it looked so bleak now, chaos striding in. You were about to ask Negan to stop when –

“Arat, kill somebody.”

“NO!”

The cracking went off again and you shrieked when Olivia’s body toppled down next to you, a single bullet in her cheek. Your hands started to shake, your breathing labored. You hadn’t experienced this kind of panic in a while, the violence, this is why you needed to avoid it. And the smell, it was terrible, the blood congealing as the organs perforated, you felt your throat close up.

“Stop, you can stop. Please.”

He was able to see you now, the grin leaving his face. You were gasping for air like a fish, holding a hand to your stomach as you tried to hold what was inside in. Just like that boy. You were going into tunnel vision and you could feel your body begin to sway.

“OH YOU BETTER CATCH HER GODDAMIT!”

With that the world went black again.

You felt something wet on your face when you came to, seeing a girl wiping your forehead. Another girl, you hadn’t counted but there had been some outside, more than you knew. And this girl looked almost the same age as you were. You could’ve gone to school together for all you knew. And now one of her friends was dead.

“I’m sorry.”

She pushed you back down on the couch. “It’s okay, calm down, you’re okay.”

Her voice was soothing and you did as she said.

“You got a good bump on the head from the step. It would have been a lot worse if Carl hadn’t gotten you.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re going to be okay.”

You looked back up to her, expecting some sort of suspicion or malice, but there was none, only concern.

“I appreciate it. Is the baby okay?”

“She’s fine, she sleeps like a freight train.”

You smiled a little on that. “Good, she shouldn’t have to know this.”

“No, a lot of us shouldn’t though. You rest, I’ll get you some water.”

You wanted to thank her again, but felt it would become too repetitive and unnecessary.

“You’re awake. You had me worried there, sunshine, ain’t that right, Rick. I was beside myself and like a good sport he is swooped down to comfort me.”

You looked from Negan to the man, sweat slicking his hair, his eyes red-rimmed, body shaking. This was a broken man, a very fractured man. And you worried from his narrowed eyes and posture if those fractured bits had been put back in right or if they had mended wrong. But you didn’t feel any better, the people out there, the people who died and had to watch.

“I’m sorry.”

“Y/N.”

The man looked taken aback at you talking to him, Negan even more so.

“I’m sorry about your friends.”

Tears spilt from you.

“Sunshine, there’s no sense in you apologizing –“

“We don’t have to do it anymore, Negan, we can leave, let’s leave them alone. I want to go home, I just want to go and leave them alone.”

You couldn’t stop crying, what you saw, the smells, none of this was going to have a happy ending.

“I’m sorry, please tell Carl I’m sorry.”

Please tell Daryl that I’m sorry, that I didn’t understand. That I still don’t. But I’m starting to.

Negan lifted you up, and despite the grief you felt for these people the ease that being close to Negan brought helped cease your tears.

“Let’s get you home then, darlin’.”

You didn’t enjoy the ride back, the insides of that boy, the blood, you had to keep your head in your lap most of the time, Negan rubbing it to help you calm down. He carried you back in as well, being stopped by Simon.

“Fat Joseph’s dead.”

Negan spun you both towards him.

“The fuck you say?”

“His head had been beaten in. Fucker in cell A escaped, we reckon he’s the one that did it. Stole one of the bikes too.”

“Motherfucker, does it ever fucking end?!?”

“Don’t know how the fuck he got out, had two guards on the cells and enough on the upper decks –“

“Don’t fucking matter does it? He got out. I’m going to put her to bed and we’ll handle it.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

“Daryl’s gone?”

Negan sighed. “I’m sorry about your mutt, darlin’, but we have bigger things to worry about now.”

“May I sleep in my room tonight? I just, I can’t deal with this right now.”

“Okay, we can do that. We need to start moving your shit in my room anyways. So have the solitude while you can, better or worse after that, got it?”

He was teasing trying to coax you from your gloom, except it didn’t work. “I got it.”

He took off you shoes and pants, tucking you in the blankets. “You’ll feel better in a few days, sunshine. I promise.”

“Thank you, Negan. I love you.”

You didn’t say it too often, afraid of how he’d react, but you felt the need to tonight. And with that beautiful grin he leaned to kiss your forehead. “I love you too, sunshine.”

He was gone, and you were stuck with your thoughts. Tossing about until you heard a crinkling sound. Turning on your side you noticed a small edge of paper sticking out of your mattress. Unfurling the note you saw unfamiliar handwriting.

‘I hope to see you on the Hilltop.’

You choked back a sob – Daryl, it had to be from him. Collapsing on your back, you let yourself cradle your belly. You knew what you needed to do now. You only hoped it would take a while before you felt any regret.

Taggies!: @halluciel @its-bri19 @elinyaes @bubble-dreamer123 @straigtestgay-voice

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