#also cant tell if im being over sensitive and ungrateful

[applesandbannas747]

hm

[da-gamingojichan]

Dick/Pussy Headcanons dropping when?

i wont lie guys i dont really know the variety of how genitalia can be different very well..... the most ive learned is when i went online and saw someone made a caard about their headcanons for the matusno brothers which included very detailed descriptions of each of their dicks (how i learned penises irl can have different amounts of curve) and their mental illness hcs (how i learned narcassism counts as a mental illness) and a bunch of other shit. but i have a little bit of headcanon for the characters i think a lot about

- germany has a penis that leans on the larger side and its terrible because he is never using it. its kinda ugly idk how because all genitals are ugly but he somehow has an ugly penis compared to other penises because germany is meant to be ugly to his core. it also turns super red like uncomfortably red (bright cherry red iphone 3) because i think he gets red really easily since hes freakishly pale. also his penis is abnormally sensitive but he doesnt know this because the only person to touch it is italy and italy has sex skills gifted by the lord so hes blessed because if anyone else gave him a handjob or blowie hed be like OWWW IT HURTS STAWP STAWP TOO HARD!!!!!

- italy has the most amazing awesomesauce pussy fucking ever. his pussy and strap on skills induce the same level of peace and prosperity as the shit those monks that live on the tops of mountains are aiming for. he literally has a talent thats gifted by god and it is in fact RIGHTEOUS of him to be banging bitches left and right because he needs to share his divine gift to the world. and thats why its fucking hilarious that hes wasting all this raw talent and perfect sex on hetalia "premature ejaculation king" germany. the mf that literally cant recieve a blow job without overstim because he always finishes before his penis makes contact with le mouf. germany would literally like anything from italy and italy is the sex god thats been cutrently saving our world from the nymphojinn. italy is the real life huniepop protagonist and hes retired to never have sex ever because his boyfriend is fucking scared and when he does its over with in 2 minutes.

- japan has a small penis. japanese men grower not show-er! i believe that japan wants to top but he never will because he cant be deadass enough to assert himself and say he wants to. also because if he tops the ship name has to have jap in it (IM JAPANESE I CAN SAY THE SLUR) and i think thats awesome and hilarious but people dont like that so hes banned from semeing forever because its racist. but i believe in his head he is a total kinky otaku sex freak who wants to seme so bad and use a jillion million sex toys you didnt even know could exist.

- prussia also has a slightly below average penis and hes very very very very very embarassed about it he will never admit its small he goes NO ITS GREAT AND MIGHTY OKAY. he calls his dick his "beautiful gleaming white saber of justice" sometimes and everybody fucking hates it. also its really sensitive so hes really picky about head and it pisses romano off because romano can tell when hes faking being comfortable (but it also would piss him off if prussia said his head wasnt good enough) and because of that he gives prussia head everytime they bang and its painful and prussia dreads it everytime and is like hahaha you dont have to if you dont want to... and romanos like "SHUT the fuck up and lay down you ungrateful piece of shit" but slowly he actually gets really fucking good and prussia likes it because hes refined his craft but now because prussia likes it romano stops and only gives head when prussia begs and pleads because giving head is disgusting.

- romano has a pretty good penis like idk what makes a penis pretty good. but its pretty good trust me on this guys its nothin to scoff at the ladies would love it if romano got any ladies (never ever). its regarded as a handsome penis i think like wow thats pretty good! its pretty average sized, maybe on the smaller end of the spectrum and that makes romano mad and incredibly insecure even though it doesnt really matter since romano is actually just a grower not a show-er. but yeah its good.

- benson regular show has a 6/10 gumhole.

[silvanable]

Hello! I really like your writing so im here with a request! Lilia, Leona and Riddle with stressed s/o. S/o avoid them and dont want boys to see s/o so weak and pathetic. Thank you for your hard work! <3

hi darling! i’m happy that you like my writing, it really helps me continue knowing that people enjoy what i write despite how chaotic and inconsistent i can be~

i intended to write this before finals but i missed that window for me at least oops.

this was the perfect request for this, especially since i know a lot of people are still facing finals as we wrap up the remainder of the year! thank the stars we’re almost done with this fucked up year!

↪  GUIDELINES

— LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

when it comes to avoiding leona because of stress, he doesn’t always catch on super quick that something is wrong.

really he sees it as his s/o needing space, just like him, and he doesn’t go out of his way to check up on them for a while.

this is especially true if his darling is female, as well all know leona drinks his ‘respects women juice’, so he’s more inclined to give her space.

in any other case, he still believes in giving them space but after a while he will start to pick up on something being wrong.

he starts to notice a pattern with how his darling avoids him in the hall, will see him on the path and turn around, or how they dodge him when he tries to corner them.

the flighty behavior pisses him off the most, because now he cant nap in peace without tossing and turning with them on his mind and what he did to make them avoid him.

would take it the hardest out of everyone at nrc, with his inferiority complex, not being good enough, and all.

would also be the most aggressive on confrontation— not that he would physically hurt them but he might grab their arm just a little too rough or push them against the wall harder than necessary.

he’ll be towering over his s/o as he snarls out a, “am i not good enough for you anymore?”

a mixture of reactions can come from this but the most apparent one, with the building stress of everything, is just for them to start crying.

leona is struck by their tears so abruptly he might actually take a step back, because out of all the things he expected as a response, their broken expression and tears is not one of them.

his darling will be blabbering out apologizes and how they didn’t mean to, how they just didn’t want him to see them like this, and how crowley has been stressing them out and all the trouble with grim and classes as the year began to wrap up was just too much.

all while they are blubbering on, leona is uncertain on how to respond or even really console them.

it’s a moment of softness leona will display as he grabs their hands and pulls them away from their face, offering a hesitant shush.

“you’re ridiculous, herbivore,” he’ll mutter out as he brushes their tears with his thumb, “you could have come to me.”

sure leona would never have been one to offer his help out so willing but this was for them and if they needed help controlling that ungrateful furball, he would help and make ruggie babysit grim.

and he’s not above chewing out the headmaster to get him of his darling’s ass and give them a breather.

“i didn’t want you to think i was weak—”

definitely feels guilt after hearing that, because everything his s/o did was to avoid him because they thought he would think lesser of them.

would tell them to shut up with a grumble and drag them off to the botanical, because obviously they need a break and he needs a nap.

— LILIA VANROUGE

lilia is, out of everyone, the one to catch the shift in his s/o mood the easiest and quickest. something he picked up being alive for so long.

with that lilia is also the one to let them have your space for a time to let them try and sort it out on their own— but the moment he sees how hard they’re struggling he takes a different approach.

lilia confronts you about it but is especially mild, asking if there has been something to upset you and where he was the cause, because he certainly wants to correct his actions if he did do something.

it makes them feel so much more guilt, especially because they should have known that lilia would notice something.

telling him is an effort— it’s no secret that he’s far older than his youthful appearances leads others to believe.

and something as simple as school stress??

it was laughable and pathetic in their eyes when they thought about it in comparison to lilia’s long life...

he coaxes it gently from them nonetheless and finally when they give in, they can barely make it through a sentence without bursting into tears.

it breaks the old fae’s heart to see you come unravelled like that and it hurts even more knowing that you somehow got the impression he wouldn’t care or found it pathetic.

and all the while his darling is staring at the floor, gasping and stuttering between sobs, trying to stop their tears only to cry further

“ah, ah—” he clicks his tongue, gathering up his s/o’s face in his hands so they look at him. his expression uncharacteristically gentle.

“if it was so much trouble, dear, you could have come to me for help,” he reassures them, “i might be old but i think i can manage to learn a few more things if it helps you.”

will crack a lopsided smile at them, stroking the tears from their face with his thumb.

has a lingering feeling of guilt, which is new for him, that they somehow got such a backwards interpretation of him and how much he cares for them.

makes it a point afterwards to remind them from time to time that they can rely on him whenever they need— he’s here for them and wants to support and help them if they’re ever struggling.

— RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

riddle’s strict persona and being such a stickler for rules makes him often far more intense and unapproachable than he actually is.

it’s only worse for his s/o because they’re struggling with classes and keeping up— learning materials absolutely foreign to them and to top it off, the stress of having been thrusted into an entirely new and somewhat terrifying environment.

but of course after learning about the harsh environment riddle grew up in, they feel guilty over being so stressed when they’re probably just not paying attention or dedicating enough time to studying.

since his overblot, riddle has tried to be mellower and more understanding, patient even, but that does not ease the panic in his s/o.

it gets to the point where they are actively avoiding him.

at first it passes him by, but the following days he starts to notice how jumpy his darling is when they see him and how suddenly they’ve completely removed themselves from his presence.

it only finally pushes him to a point to chase them when after classes, he calls out their name when he sees them in the halls and they immediately dart in the other direction.

he literally has to chase them around the whole campus before finally tiring them out and cornering them.

now he’s more than a little hurt and definitely upset.

he’s ready to go off on them when they just burst into tears and crumbled to the floor.

so much for not appearing pathetic...

all and anything riddle was going to say or scold them with flies out the window and he’s suddenly frantic and on his knees hesitant to touch his darling.

“what’s wrong? are you okay? are you hurt?” questions are pouring from his mouth and his mind ins swimming that something is terribly wrong and suddenly he’s worrying if he was the cause of you getting hurt chasing you.

when his s/o finally manages to catch their breath, even as little hiccups between sobs, they’re apologizing and wiping their face with their hands trying to say that they’re fine, “it’s fine, it’s okay.”

he’s immediately shutting that talk down with a, “you are not fine, please talk to me,” he’s begging because he’s worried now.

there’s a silence that settles in between him and his darling as they suddenly find the ground between their legs very interesting...

riddle is surprisingly quiet the whole time, patient uncharacteristically so, and his hands are still hovering out in the open as he’s still deciding whether touch them is okay.

then his s/o speaks up in a small how everything about this world, not knowing if they’ll ever get back home, school, and pretty much anything that has bothered them since waking up in twisted wonderland falls from their lips in a rushed and in a quiet whisper at the end, add how they didn’t want to appear weak and pathetic to him...

finally riddle makes a move, awkwardly, but he moved and pulled his s/o forward into his arms— quick enough it startles them to stiffen up.

will feel endlessly guilty that his darling thought he would think so little of them and their problems, worse that they felt the need to bottle it up and run from him.

he’ll try to be a little sensitive to their needs, offering to study with them to help them understand since he’s got great marks in his classes, and constantly trying to find little ways to show them he really, really does care.

[rainecloud020604]

below the cut is a bit of a long venty self reflection.. tw: sensitive topics, the specifics are in the tags

so with quartinteen going on i’ve had a lot of time to look at myself and my actions, i have a bad habit of over analyzing things and ripping them apart. including myself.

i’ve noticed that i keep a lot of things to myself to the point where its unhealthy, i dont tell people when im upset, i dont tell people that im hurt, i dont even tell my parents when i feel sick anymore unless i feel like im dying and need medicine and maybe a trip to the doctor. Im still scared to do that...

i get made fun of and mocked, told im overreacting when im sick or hurt by my parents. its really affected me, being told to walk it off cause im being a baby or im being a drama queen for attention i dont really want. its at the point where i have fallen into a habit of lying about my health, some days i feel like utter shit and i know it will show, i will tell some people, not my parents, my friends i talk to that day. it’s gotten to the point where i was ready to kill myself because my parents wouldnt listen and take me to a doctor after i could eat or drink anything for two weeks without immediately rushing to the bathroom, that was new years eve... i almost did, it took a lot to not do that, and i scared myself, i was scared to call a hotline, i was scared to move, go downstairs, speak, after i spent 30 minutes breaking down and begging my parents to take me to a doctor i was done with life and done with trying. This really affected me and shook me up for months, it was the first time in years i had ever thought about doing that, i felt horrible and miserable cause i scared a lot of people that night. 

my mental health is even worse than my physical health all the time, i normally wont talk about it when its bad unless someone asks, i’ve been brushed off so many times by my family i no longer have that confidence i used to. my dad for the longest of time told me my depression didnt exist until my doctor did, he told me i was lying for attention, he told me i didnt have anxiety, i didnt have anything wrong and i needed to shut up and pay attention, push through it and shut up. mental health issues were tabo around my parents for ages, when we got kicked out of our house and moved in with some friends my mental issues really showed through, this was around the time i joined tumblr, my parents would fight constantly and i fled here for safety, it was clear i had something wrong, all of my sibling do as well, my brother has anger issues and doesnt know how to cope with that, he tends to hit things and hit me when angry cause i pissed him off or was in his way, he’s 11 and three times my size. im 16. my sister has anxiety and depression as well, she always drags herself down and fakes a smile to everything, she cant handle being yelled at anymore. we all have faced abuse from my parents, and then moving into a super toxic and worse place for a year made everything worse, my parents stressed and fighting to the point where we would hide and cry cause it was so much. partially through that year i snapped at my best friends dad for being homophobic, racist and sexist, i said a few things and got suspended from my school while there was a sexual predator on the campus after my friends, he was never arrested and he tried to contact me recently because he was bored. i was broken for awhile but going to the magnet school i met some people who helped me. i made a new friend. that place that was toxic we left after they tried framing us for a bed bug issue and tried making us clean the entire house, and the guy who was my dads formal best friend called my mom a few nasty things and called us all lazy and ungrateful. i had a bike stolen during the move and they refused to give it back. we stayed in a hotel for a bit, i became everyones therapist for a few days, my brothers, sisters, moms and even my dads, i couldnt vent to anyone. we moved in with my grandma, my step grandpa turned out to be an abusive asshole and attacked my aunt and almost attacked my mom and grandma one night when we were going to bed, i had both my brother and sister in my room hiding and crying, i was comforting them and telling them the yelling would be over soon. 

my grandma had her ac detroyed, license plate stolen, other stuff stolen from her as well, i was scared to walk to school for a month and had to look at the door at all times. one day he randomly busted through the door and i broke down scared as hell because i was in line of sight and the first person he saw, and was in the same room as him. it took me awhile to recover from that. later on i started failing my classes, i couldnt keep up because my old school wasnt where they were, i was ahead but behind because my motivation slacked and i didnt want to be there, i started getting really sick, i went to try to see my guidance counselor one day because i was ready to break down at everything and i needed to talk to someone and possibly go home, i saw a different one, they recommended a mental health counselor and i start counseling sessions, when i checked out the nurse shamed me for not going to her and checking out. i walked home that day and cried. i started counseling sessions after that, i was still scared to speak about all of these issues, some weeks i didnt see her, others i did, the first day my ela teacher flipper her shit cause i was late that day to her class after i was at a counseling session for part of her class cause i needed to say things and speak. i lost the confidence to talk to me ela teacher after that. she would have issues with the fact that i couldnt speak loudly at times, part of the year she hated the fact that i drew in her class to focus, it took me twice explaining it before she would let me. later on that year she accused me of doing other classwork and make me hold up what i was drawing rather than walking over, i cried the rest of her class and had a panic attack in biology venting to a friend. my parents told me i was being dramatic after breaking down and explaining how my day went. i started to stop speaking up about my issues entirely to them. 

i’ve had issues when i am sick at school, i’ve gotten grounded for going home sick, after i was told i could call home, it was because the nurse said i looked tired, she also had told my dad that he knew me better than she did so she was unsure, he told me in the car i put the family to shame and made him look bad, took away my devices, left for work while i took a nap, i woke up still sick and felt even worse mentally, i forced myself to walk and finish up the rest of the school day. it took my mom yelling at my dad to get my devices back, he guilt tripped me after giving them back and i felt horrible for the weekend. 

my dad started saying i was faking being sick to skip school, keep in mind i have never skipped a day in my life and have always enjoyed going to school, he was just pissed off. my mental health was affecting my physical health, i wasnt able to see my mental health counselor for a month, when i needed to most. 

i started developing and eating disorder again, i started to only eat one meal a day, starve myself for existing, i’ve been fighting it for awhile, it decided to get worse, i am still fighting it. i am at a point where i can handle two meals a day again which is progress. 

when quartinteen started, that ment i was stuck at home, unable to focus on my classes anymore, and my counseling sessions were done in zoom, i wasnt ever in a safe place to openly speak. i tried pushing for therapy, my parents considered and agreed, they tried to figure something out and never got back to it. everything has gotten worse, not only in my head but the world around me...

keep in mind all this, happened in two years. most of the belittling and breaking me down however has gone on for most of my life.

i dont want sympathy, i want to get this off my damn chest, i dont want attention, i was this at hand so when i need to point at something that happened to me i have to reference to while im breaking down. im sorry about all this mess and wasting time typing this out and that right now isnt the time to hear me whine. 

[witchysleepingbeauty]

Hi princess! So imagine this lady who's always ALWAYS being negative abt her kids, never a kind word and only belittling, every other day, like "what did I do wrong really? What kind of kids have I raised? They're bla bla bla" with venom. And worst who doesnt acknowledge how negative + painful she is

When i try to talk to her nd ask her exactly whats the issue with 'me' or how can I help her to ease her burden as she keeps complaining how we're ungrateful or keeps comparing to other 'more acceptable in her eyes" children, she gets defensive nd won't answer properly. She says "ohhh, why don't U know that? arent u old enough to know?' and then starts ranting. when time after time ive begged her to clearly tell me, no passiv agressiveness please! it doesn't work nd i end up wondering why i even bother when im only the villain... Yes this ig is my role in her story that ive writen? confusing 😅

when I can, sometimes i try to help her even tho shes the sort who likes to stay busy so she'll find smth else to do lol, nd inside hope for her to be at least a little NOT negative today.... she either ignores or gets angrier nd goes all "hey, I didn't ask U to do that! How dare u act like u did me a favor! U think ur perfect while im just ur servant right?" when i never even intend that? i effing HATE negative reinforcement nd i feel so damn bad for her, nd shes taught me how negative reinforcement is the worst thing to use, cuz it never teaches anything only builds resentment!!

this is smth i realised that she cant be pleased, she wants to get attention what I mean is, whenever we spend time together, she is perfectly fine when we're talking abt her hobbies nd interests which tbh im NOT that interested in personally but since she likes them i like to discuss them with her nd help her out with projects. not to say "ohhh im so cool i help out with her projects look at me so kind of me! lol" its just it hurts when ur own mother doesn't even rpetend to care abt ur interests. i suspect deep down i carried this feeling of unworthiness ie if even my own mother doesn't care abt my hobbies/projects, no one will . which is why i feel so uncomfortable sharing anything personal to my rl friends cuz im so afraid theyll reject me too :(

By not caring i dont mean I expect her to listen nonstop to me. she has her own life but i mean she purposely zones out, rolls her eyes which HURT SM when i was a child, or even worst she says "im not interested" nd shuts the convo. again, at this point, idec anymore as ive learned slowly to value nd cherish my own value nd hobbies etc which is an important lesson anyway

the only thing i want is to stop her being so painfully negative LOUDLY. Yk I suspect becuz of her dwelling on whats wrong in her life, shes gotten severe numbness nd swelling in one arm? and even the doctors cant detect whats wrong! nd its hella painful nd she can't even lift it up sometimes!!!! THIS GOES ON TO SHOW HOW INNER CONSTANT NEGATIVITY CAN BE REFLECTED IN THE OUTER AKA OUR BODY!! To anyone else who cant help have negative thoughts ONLY, u gotta try to change them! Please! Bcuz my mother's pain in her arm is sometimes crazily too much! Nd this in turn, esp on days where all i hear is her gripe, its worse at night!

Anyway I was compeled to write this as a while ago i went to the kitchen for water nd from her room i heard her loudly complain nd mutter abt how her kids are "socially unacceptable" nd "dear god i pray please please don't let me rely on them in old age, i made a mistake raising them!" She's the sort whos got so many limiting beliefs that initially led to my deep unhappiness w/o knowng it was these beliefs at play eg if you dont become a certain career, youll have no security, or recently she keeps nd keeps lamenting abt not havjng 'enoufh money' (we r having kinda financial crisis due to some rlly terrible decisions by my other parent) or 'oh Im STUCK with this [bad word] family!" when she saw a movie abt someone who went on a trip nd began comparing her own life to it. She's so talented we all ask her to start an online business but she backs away nd says 'how will i ever get capital? im doomed to never have what i want' nd I myself have a bit empty wallet temporarily so i cant help her. Nyway, while im trying to fix my own beliefs, seeing her rage nd let negativity completly take over her is alarming nd worrying to me. it makes me feel negative emotions too. im not entirely confident in mastering my mind ywt. i was that overly sensitive kid at school nd i absorv her energy a lot. Those who u love the most, hurt u the most. nd i agree bcoz while im hurt by her (not that shes intentionally hurting me. THRU her im hurt), i do love her. Nd now thanks to the law ik by changing my beliefs abt things, i can change the world

My reason is i cant change her bcuz she gets hella maddened if i suggest a less negative thought. Nd she instead starts blaming me for my 'decisions in Life' which SHE would NEVERRR make oh no... -_- Nd im not saying i try to be obnoxious abt it hell no! im talking abt getting frustrated at the table talking abt smth abt a random topic, then suddenly listening to her start complaining abt e g. Some kid whos "richer" than i am heatedly! nd if i steer the convo away, nope, she keeps fuming a bit

so since i can only change myself, how the hell do i change my assumptions of her? i affirm having a great mother, happy nd open with her thriving business etc. i affirm this but i cant focus cuz doing so inevitbly makes me sad lol cuz i rmmbr how happy nd liveky she used to be before some unfortunate things in our family that started yrs ago. Which affected us all. Any advice, please? im on a mental diet hwoever the earlier incident of her complaining abt us again caused smth in me to snap. im distancing myself from her but the short times im with her there's only a strong air of disapproval, pain nd misery around her. Tbh i was like that pre-law, not knowing how destructiv my thoughts were, while she was the happy optimistic grateful one. Nd now? Im only slightly more self aware than before ie im NOT saying im able to rise in consiousness SOo much that im 'untouchable' nd buddha-like! Nor is my mom wrong bcuz she's me pushed out! its only her lvl of conciousness nd thats it. its just I don't want to cause or feel more pain or hav any excuse to curse her ,when ego sometimes takes over, anymore. im having some personal issues to take care of too, which is why this is affecting me too much. Sort of like having a weak immune system already?

I want my happy intelligent mom back. ik i got to change me... but the doing is way harder than the saying

🫀anon

Okay first of all imma say it cause I don’t think nobody else will…. Your mom is shitty…. There, I said it. She is abusive and selfish and a bad mom. No parent should ever treat their children that way and make them think they need to fix them.

Other than that yes it’s true she is your manifestation but I think it’s important to let emotions out. Be mad at her for once, stop rationalizing her bad behavior. You have the right to feel mad, angry, sad. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.

I know it seems impossible to keep a mental diet when you see the negative behavior you wish to change every day. I assume you live in the same house. My suggestion is to stick to your mental diet and try to interact as little with her as possible. Go out more often or stay a bit more in your room. Every time you see a behavior from her that you don’t like, and you feel like affirming doesn’t help, close your eyes and see her hugging you and telling you all sorts of beautiful, loving things you’d like to hear from her.

You should also work on your self concept. Parental issues often manifest from poor self concept. Affirmations like “I am worthy, I am loved, I am enough, I am respected, I am cherished” work amazing.