#also can you tell how anti-fate i am from this lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theflybitteneye · 1 year ago

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"Not the sum father" made me piss myself, lol. Hell yeah. All father bless, may your spear and wisdom strike true even with only one eye, friend.

For those curious, I am a non-theistic practicing Heathan. By "non-theist" I mean I don't believe the gods exist in literal, physical space but also that I don't think it matters. "The soul" is the narrative the mind tells itself about itself and theology is the narrative the mind tells itself to rationalize the world, something even non-theists do whether they realize it or not often. It's kind of just how the mind works, and I personally opt for being mindful of that to keep your perspective in check. Not to get on my high horse, but you know, bias is unavoidable. Being a "tips-fadora lol God not real" Atheist scorned by being brought up in the Catholic church for a few years taught me that the hard way. Feeling a "personal relationship with god" and experiencing religious ecstasy for the first time when discovering the Sagas and Edda for the first time made me realize that. I never felt that as a Christian, but, I don't think all Christians are dumb idiots who can't tell fact from fiction anymore. I think a lot of atheists are fundamentally making the same error in dogma as biblical literalists are a lot of the time just on the other end. You know, not recognizing the ways your internal reality is colouring your experience of external reality. I'm still technically an atheist, but the Norse Gods are as real to me as I ("i" as in "the ghost in the machine") am to myself. My practice as a Heathen has done a lot for my mental health and was the beginning of me coming to terms with my own gender identity.

I send single-rune readings as fun little extras out with my orders because a) I hope it makes people remember my shop, lol, but also b) regardless that it's just random chance and vague proverbs most people can apply to their lives, there is some value in the introspection that kind of reading (hopefully) provides people. It's part of the Norse concept of the nature of fate--- that it's both unchangeable and uncontrollable, but that way it plays out isn't. The Norse used the analogy of a weaving, but for a more contemporary analogy, you might have no choice to tell someone something sometimes, but you can influence how they receive the information by how you word it. I'm not saying The Norse didn't literally believe in Gods and magic, but like, you know, they were kind of for lack of resources when it came to the scientific method, cut them some slack. The way we talk about "the supernatural" now is greatly influenced even in the secular context by the dominance of Christian theology, which kinda had a very anti-pagan and anti-animism bias. I don't think many pre-christian pagans would have actually seen much of a distinction between someone being insightful, and literally psychic. That was kind of the same thing to them, their rational was just a bit spectacular.

For the sake of clarity I typically identify myself as a "transman" or a "genderqueer transman" amoung other queer people who aren't going to get confused by the term "genderqueer," and that is true. I'm FtM, medically transitioned fully now, he/him pronouns, so for functionality when the information is relavent that works. But again, because my belief played such a big part in coming to terms with my gender identity, I actually in my heart of hearts consider myself "ergi."

"Ergi" is a bit of a tough concept to translate because it's culturally specific to the Norse (which weren't a unified people mind you, just a vague collection of Germanic, Scandinavian, and Celtic clans, so it wildly varied even within their own demographic.) You'll see it described as a "sacred third gender" and also as meaning, "unmanly" and that works to try and just, you know, simplify it down. But in English it's vague closest equivalent is actually "queer" ("odd" in an interpersonal context vaguely relating to social roles involving sexuality and gender identity.) But like, not even that's quite right. The "female equivalent" didn't have the same connotations, and calling a woman "ergi" ("agar"/"agari", but I'm trying to keep the etymology simple enough to follow here) didn't mean hyper feminine, it meant "witch." That's because, in modern language, the Norse saw gender (gender and gender expression being the same to them, mind you) as kind of fluid and "bigender." Or rather, as all people having both masculinity and femininity within them and quite literally your connection with "magic" (Seidr, the magic of the fabric of time and the natural world) was directly related to your "feminine" aspect. These were like, two stats you could fill independently without depleting the other. This is expressed in the characterization of the gods--- Odin being max manly and high level feminine, Freya being max feminine and high level masculine, Frigga being high level feminine and low level manly, Thor being high level masculine and low level feminine, and Loki being maxed out as both. And at the same time, "feminine" to them meant something closer to like, "fruity" in English. "Flamboyant, queer." Being outside gender and sexual norms meant you were on some fucking wizard shit. That's why male sourcerers or particularly "butch" female sourcers where believed to be capable of "Galdr." Chanting something into existence. Your levels of gender were just, over 9000. Too OP levels of queerness, gods plz nerf.

And like, I can understand why some people may interpret this as egotistical for me to say, but I do truly believe they were kind of on to something. Not that being queer makes you magic, but, being queer naturally forces you to develop a lot of perspective that cis straight people ABSOLUTELY CAN, but aren't so fundamentally confronted with by their very state of being. The more you're forced to question and come to terms with your own existence and place in social norms, the more you . . . See the forest for the trees, if you will. Not always, but, it's hard not to. I'm not a particularly conventionally masculine or feminine person, but if I didn't transition I couldn't have gone on. I couldn't just conform no matter how hard I tried (and I did, real hard) to either gender role. I couldn't bring myself to even pretend to date men while I still identified as a lesbian. "Too gay to function" as the kids say. That does really put the unreality of social norms into focus. Gives you a lot of perspective. "Ergi" is a term that more describes how you relate to social norms, but it's the one I identify with the most. I think I might have bluescreened under the weight of it all if it wasn't for my faith, so.

If you're not sure if you want to be the big titty goth gf or have a big titty goth gf, consult your nearest pagan god.

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junosswans · 2 years ago

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The many times of Midoriya Izuku rejecting Bakug*u Kat*uki & what it means to them

Again, not exactly anti-bakug*u but I'll tag it like so and hide his name so that people who potentially don't want to read it don't have to

(contains: mha comic spoiler, antibkdk but it's really complicated, in general critical of a certain blonde character but I don't think there's anything mean spirited here and my point isn't to shit on him, but to theorize where he's heading towards)

Thinking about how over and over izu chose the other option as opposition to bak*gou and feeling a moment of hope for a liberating ending between the osananajimi but then also grim cause hori probably won't do that (or the jump editors won't let him do that)

It's a thought that only came to me after the comic apology scene, which so many 💥🥦 shippers screamed over, and it led to me contemplating the progression of their relationship & how they were positioned in the story as archetypes.

I kept on thinking about how in the apology scene, Izuku never directly replied to bkg's apology. Bkg said I'm sorry for everything I've done, and Izuku's immediate action after the shock was to apologize to everyone for being inconsiderate in his previous words.

I'll have to say this first, I don't ship them at all and could never see myself doing so (for apparent reasons), and as someone who endured bullying and abuse I hate bkg a lot, but thinking about their character development is really interesting and as far as angst goes, they probably have the most dramatic mutual-but-also-not-mutual pining relationship ever and its honestly kind of fun to think and read about, lol.

And after they have returned to UA, and bkg accidentally called him deku as usual instead of Izuku, his reply was a smile and "you don't have to force yourself", which...

Like, can we stop a moment and think about how Izuku never directly addressed bkg's apology? The way he said "you don't have to force yourself" as if he's given up on hoping? If I am the author and I wanted the apology moment to be the salvation the two needed, I'd definitely let Izuku accept the apology then move on. There's no point in dragging things out unless I'm preparing for a greater moment of enlightenment. Unless the reply Izuku had in his mind was not what we are expecting (acceptance).

From my pov, I think he was hesitating. He was having second thoughts and he was unsure. If it was set before the final arc, Izuku would probably immediately accept the apology, or say "I've never blamed you/been mad at you"-- no matter how we view their relationship, we can agree on that, right? But why the hesitation now??

I think we're close to the reveal of the reason for the change of mind for Izuku, judging from how the story has been building up. And I have a theory which is an unlikely one but I also really want to see if anyone else feels the same.

One of the main theme of this story, or of most stories, is the discovery of self-identity. To establish your name and develop your personality & world view and find where you belong. It's a very common theme, yeah?

MHA is a story that's defined by choices instead of predetermined fate-- todoroki chooses to use his power to neutralise but not harm (unlike what he's been taught), midoriya chooses to save eri despite nighteye telling him he couldn't do it, the LoV thinking bkg would be good villain material and him rejecting them, and the dichotomy between the heroes and the villains? It's "I choose to become what I want to be not what others (eg my father, society, etc) want me to be" versus "society called me a villain so I will be one as my revenge".

For Izuku, I’d argue that his journey of becoming himself relies on the rejection of his childhood, in which he was repeatedly told that he had no right to choose (quirkless people can't be a hero, you should kys instead, you need to become the next symbol of peace, so and so), and he needed to defy those voices and choose his own path. And as someone who played a big part in those negative voices, bkg was someone who Izuku needed to reject. (By reject, I don’t necessarily mean cut off. What I mean is that they both need to reevaluate their view towards each other and stop seeing the other as someone more/lesser, which had been a constant in their dynamic until very recently; Izuku needs to reject what bkg used to say to him and the labels that he had given him. Only with this could they achieve a healthy & balanced relationship.)

It started with him reclaiming the name deku by choosing ochako’s interpretation over bkg’s; and then cheering for todoroki when td and bk faced off in the sports festival;

And Izuku did, repeatedly. It was small but it was there, how he was trying to push the influence & shadow of bkg (his abuser) out of his personal narrative, in a passive way. It was unintentional statements and outbursts at first, and it was kind of a one step forward two steps back situation (which is common for abuse survivors who are trying to make amends), but I think he was coming to the realisation that it’s what he needed to be the hero he wanted to be.

Tbh, I really really didn’t expect this line. Like I was so so so bracing myself for midoriya to cheer for bkg but then he DIDNT and it was insane and I screamed. Anyways--

Then it escalated into deku vs bkg 2 and well, that was definitely a lot of emotional baggage to unpack. It was an incredibly painful read for me because well… the level of mental gymnastics you’d need to do in order to view the world like bkg…. bro needed the psych ward not a hero school. There were definitely a lot of moments that shippers would swoon over, but if you’d allow me to go blue curtain a bit I’d say the most important line is this one:

There was also the “it has to be you kirishima who goes to save bkg because if I was the one who’s holding out a hand he would rather die than catch it” in which, yea it was accurate assessment. But like. Anyway I don’t feel like getting into that today...

Wtf bkg? You thought of me like that?

Judging from how it’s been emphasised over and over by bkg and AM lately, Izuku changing from someone who has no regard for his own well-being will be a major plot point in this last arc, and this will likely include his relationship with people. In order to grow from being overly self-sacrificial, he will need to distance himself from people who hurt him or at least, acknowledge that people who would hurt him doesn’t care for him and move on from there. And this leads us to this line:

Prior to this, I don’t think Izuku gave too much thought to their relationship. He likely attributed all the bullying and namecalling to his quirklessness and “it’s bkg being bkg” and this was the moment when he was like, ah, so you hate me on a personal level, you pick on me not because you look down on quirkless ppl (Izuku probably internalised a lot of the shame & discrimination regarding that) but because you really hate me, midoriya izuku, specifically. You THINK I look down on you, and you THINK I get beaten up by you because it’s fun for me or something. All the while I've idolised you and looked up to you and believed so earnestly that you will be a great hero. It’s through this fight that they finally get a glimpse of what the other thinks of them and it’s when Izuku started to contemplate the definition of friendship, affection, and relationships in general. I feel like after this was when the distance between the two really showed, even though the air between them became less tense. Bkg had learned the truth of OfA, but in terms of plot progression it didn’t seem to do much for the two. The “helping deku to train” acted as a plot device to explain how he got stronger, but aside from that, how did this part contribute to Izuku’s character development?

And really, I think we are seeing bits and bits of how Izuku is mentally distancing himself from bkg (he still cares but not as much and as extreme as before), although it could just be my wishful thinking. one of the notable instances is this frame from the apology scene:

When I read this, I was like...??? So you actually know that friends aren't supposed to beat you up??? On one hand, the IRONY but on the other hand, there's a part of me that's holding out for the possibility that this is hinting at something bigger in the future. Could this statement mean that he will learn to draw a better boundary between himself and people who don't treat him fairly (which is very often)? I definitely hope so.

To be fair, I didn't remember either, so I went back and had a look:

He didn't remember. oh. my. god. You would have thought that he definitely would, but he didn't remember at all. (I ugly laughed, for a moment) Whether it was because he had too much on his mind or that he didn't exactly care is left for you to determine.

The other reason for this theory of mine was Todoroki's development after the license exam. We got to see how Izuku told Shouto it's ok to not forgive his father, but because he's "a caring person," he was waiting for an opportunity. In which, kinda a wack argument but it was indeed very much in character for him to say so.

...ok.

It was said before by many others, but the two really have a lot of parallels as well as opposites, like childhood trauma, refusing to use his quirk to the point where it hurts himself vs forced to cope with a quirk that hurts himself, and of course most importantly, learning to come to terms with your trauma and making peace with your abuser.

What Midoriya said above irked me a little, because no, you are 100% allowed to not forgive him forever and that doesn't make you a bad person, but then in the next chapter we got this:

And then we get to know exactly what Shouto was waiting for:

He was waiting for endeavour to change before deciding whether he should forgive him. In which on this aspect I really think Todoroki was coping a lot better than...... anyone else in this series even though he's often depicted as a dense & slow person. So with the parallels in mind, could this be what bkg and deku are heading towards as well? Would Izuku's mind change after witnessing the conversation between Natsuo and Enji? Could we expect more of the dirty laundry between the two will be revealed to the other characters and they will be forced to face it? Will Izuku need to do the same thing, to hold off his judgement and possibly decline the apology until bkg really has proved himself?

On bkg's side, we have been seeing a lot of references to him being the one who knows Izuku the best, even bkg himself said so. There seem to be this shift of power balance where it used to be izk chasing after bkg, and now bkg might have to chase after izk who's less interested in him now. (If this is the case, imagine the angst. The role reversal. The pining. Oh my god hori would be insane to pull this but it would be so delicious--)

In the latest chapter, we saw shigaraki declaring that he was not interested in bkg at all, aside from his relationship to Izuku. Shigaraki demonstrated his unrivalled power which gave bkg a great shock. By the presupposed logic of “the characters of mha need to learn to be something other than who they’re told to be,” for bkg who’s always been told that he would be the greatest, the most powerful, the protagonist in life, it’s probably his moment to learn how to step aside and support others (which he evidently hasn’t mastered yet, since he burnt hadou’s hair again). If I am to maximise the dramatics in this plot, I might even force him to renounce his status as a hero because I crave the poetics and the internal struggles, but that’s unlikely. However, since right now we are having two people facing off, one of which rejected Izuku’s help in their childhood, and for the other one Izuku wanted to save his childhood (The visual parallels were so blatant that there’s no way it’s not intentional) so I’m really, sincerely looking for a role reversal between Shigaraki and bkg, between a “false hero” and a villain (label wise).

Anyway, I think this is it for me today, I read the lastest chapter yesterday and there were so many thoughts on my mind and needed to vent a little (a lot)...

But then, these are all just theories and most of the time, manga theories remain to be just that. If this really happened hori will probably go to god tier author for me, but I really don't think that's gonna be the case, haha

#anti bakugo #anti bakudeku #anti bkdk #anti bakugou katsuki #lia speaks #bnha #mha #mha theory #my hero academia #mha spoilers #midoriya izuku #midoriya izuku centric #mha deku

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makeste · 4 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 296: Ngl, This One Pissed Me Off

Previously on BnHA: Deku was all, “p.s. I actually activated yet another quirk several chapters ago when Kacchan got stabbed.” Compress was all, “[gets captured and passes out].” Spinner was all “[rifles through Tomura’s pockets and slaps a random Charbroiled Hand onto his friend’s unconscious face].” Tomura was all, “SOMEHOW THAT ACTUALLY WORKED” and woke up again, except it wasn’t really him, it was everyone’s favorite Final Villain, AFO. AFO was all, “time to escape finally” and summoned a bunch of Noumu and Absconded with Spinner and the DabiMarble in tow. Skeptic was all, “Horikoshi forgot I existed, but I’m actually Absconding in marble-form as well.” Deku was all, “ATTENTION WORLD, I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT I OFFICIALLY WANT TO SAVE SHIGARAKI TOMURA.” And then the arc just sort of ended lol.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all, “but when you think about it, do we really need literally any female teachers at U.A. at all?” and for whatever reason doesn’t stop to wait for an answer. Midnight, who absolutely did not need to die, Dies, and I’m pissed about it. Ochako wanders the ruins of Jakku for what feels like hours, rescuing small children while her adult hero compatriots fall to pieces around her, because apparently the U.A. kids really are the only people who have their shit together. The citizens of Japan are all “damn that’s wild, wonder how fucked we are now,” but are actually super casual and chill about it which is oddly realistic. The chapter ends with AFO in Tartarus being all “lol time for the prison break arc,” without giving us so much as a chance to catch our breath, like holy shit. Are we on the clock or something now, goddamn.

lmao it’s like 7pm on a Sunday night and this is out already. this is like the worst possible timing lol. there goes my nice, relaxed evening. unless of course this turns out to be a nice, restful, soothing chapter, as chapters coming on the heels of traumatic, earth-shattering battles so often are. yeah, break out the Pina Colada song and the little drink umbrellas, I got a good feeling about this one

(ETA: I mean, I was obviously being sarcastic here but damn, Horikoshi.)

-- fff why did I laugh

it’s the crumbling city ruins in the background that really does it, I think. JUST LOOK AT THIS MESS THAT YOU HAVE MADE, EVERYONE. FOR SHAME

also, the title is dramatic af and I am so fucking excited you guys, like holy shit. BnHA’s In-Between arcs have always been my favorite part of the series, because it’s when all the character development and angst and/or catharsis happens. just, those little breathing spaces in between the action when everyone gathers to recuperate and compartmentalize their fresh new traumas lmao. bring on that angst!! but also, let’s please have some Comfort to offset all of this Hurt too, please and thanks

blah blah blah so the survivors were evacuated, good good, can you actually show us though?

AHHHHHHH

PIXIE BOB SURVIVED!!!! WASH IS STILL ALIVE LMAO HOW. THIRTEEN’S FACE, OMG SHOULD I LOOK AWAY. IS IT LIKE MANDALORIAN RULES. IDK HOW IT WORKS

HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY ALIVE. LOLS ANYWAY I’M HERE FOR IT. FEEL FREE NOT TO KILL ANYONE ELSE HERE HORIKOSHI, I THINK WE’RE GOOD

(ETA: it’s like talking to a brick wall.)

oh my god do we really need exposition about how the heroes tried to stop TomurAFO from escaping and OF COURSE failed completely because they suck lmao. oh my god I am shocked, that is such shocking news

wow they only managed to defeat three of the Noumus. holy shit. again, all of the Not-Kid Heroes are only slightly more useful than cardboard cutouts of heroes at this point, MORE AT ELEVEN

so Tomura may have lost the PLF, but he still more or less has an army then, huh. I really don’t know how anyone could expect a timeskip with that threat looming over everyone’s heads

oh nvm lol there are only seven Noumus left. wait so you’re telling me there were only ten Nearly High Ends in that last chapter?? felt more like fifty but whatever lol I’ll take your word for it

COMPRESS YAY YOU’RE ALIVE TOO

MAYBE THEY CAN EVEN REATTACH HIS ASS. I’M SERIOUS LOL, BECAUSE HE STILL HAS IT, DOESN’T HE? OR IF NOT, THEY CAN REBUILD HIM WITH A PROSTHETIC ASS. he’ll be more powerful than ever

WHAAAAAAT YEAH BOIIIII

WOOO, EDGESHOT, WOOOOO. THAT’S HIS WAY OF THE NINJA

YEAHHHHH SUCK IT, PLF

(ETA: for the record I don’t think Cementoss is dead here, just badly wounded. if he had died he would have been included in the forthcoming In Memoriam page along with the others.)

GET BENT LOL. TRUMPET I FOR REAL FORGOT YOU EVEN EXISTED. I NEVER WANT TO SEE ANY OF YOU LOSERS AGAIN PLEASE. ONLY INTERESTING CHARACTERS MAY PROCEED PAST THIS POINT

dsflksaldkh;l

that’s... holy shit. that’s a bigass mansion, that’s what that is. also so does this mean there are still eighty thousand PLF members still at large, because that’s a plot line I very much do not care about in any way whatsoever lol. can’t we just retcon to say that Re-Destro was exaggerating? I mean hell, a CEO criminal pulling some Enron-type bullshit is pretty believable, isn’t it? those poor bamboozled shareholders

“makeste, here’s an idea, what if you scrolled down to read the rest of the page” lol gtfo of here with your logic and your sense

well those 132 people have made it onto my enemies list, but at least it sounds like they more or less took care of the rest. good riddance

and Toga escaped, as we knew already, and is now on the lam. hopefully she reunites with the League again at some point. although her doing her own thing could also be very interesting. idk what I want lol

anyway so there’s another big panel showing how fucked up the city is, just in case it hadn’t already been hammered into our skulls yet. there’s a car dangling off a roof somehow. how does that even happen. did Machia pick it up and put it there or

NOOO OMG RANDOM SMALL CHILDREN IN PERIL WHAT IS THIS

OCHAKO PLEASE SAVE THEM OMG

“if it falls on me, I want you to have my Endeavor pouch” OH MY STARS. HIS MOST PRECIOUS POSSESSION. NO MY CHILD YOU CAN’T GIVE UP HOPE YET

LMAO

“FOR THE LAST TIME NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR DUSTY-ASS POUCH, KYLE” fffff these children are dying and I am cracking up so hard my eyes are tearing up what is wrong with me

YAY THEY SAVED THEM

but listen. not that I don’t love seeing the girls kick ass, because you know I do. but I also really, REALLY need to know what’s going down with the Musketeers, and I’m not looking forward to waiting three whole weeks for that so please Horikoshi. please hurry this along so we can get to them

goddamn it Tsuyu is saying she’ll take the boy to the shelter to get first aid, and I was all “okay great because that’s probably where Kacchan and the others are too”, but now someone else is shouting for help and Ochako’s all “I’ll go” and it’s like OKAY BUT PLEASE? this chapter is already more than half over omfg. ‘bout to start wringing some hands here

oh my god

is this Toga again??? WHAT THE HELL, THIS CREEPYASS HALF-DEAD DUDE BETTER BE LEADING UP TO SOMETHING INTERESTING, I AM REALLY GETTING IMPATIENT

OR, I GUESS, WE COULD DO THIS INSTEAD

“SO AS IT TURNS OUT, NOT EVERY CHARACTER WHO NEEDS HELP SAVING THEIR SPOUSE FROM FALLEN RUBBLE IS ACTUALLY TOGA IN DISGUISE” HUH, OKAY. DULY NOTED. FILED AWAY FOR FUTURE REFERENCE

but fucking... okay, look. I love Ochako, I do. but I like her a whole lot more when she’s interacting with other characters I actually care about, as opposed to running around in the rubble rescuing random people while the fate of my other children is still up in the air. like okay, I get it, shit’s bad, now if you don’t mind we really don’t have to spend all day here though

...anyways but nope, we’re still staying with her. she’s bouncing around rescuing all of these other people. omg. I literally have no patience here at all and it’s terrible, I know, but oh my god

omg finally something interesting is happening!!

look at that, an adult hero standing around being useless while the kids are busy getting shit done. why is this becoming a recurring theme

MY DUDE, THIS IS SERIOUSLY NOT THE TIME THOUGH

I GET THAT IT’S OVERWHELMING AND THAT YOU’RE TRAUMATIZED AND SHIT, BUT GUESS WHAT, SO IS EVERYONE ELSE. THAT’S WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR. JUST LOOK AT OCHAKO! SHE’S SO EXHAUSTED HER HAIR HAS EVEN LOST ITS FLOOF, AND YET SHE’S STILL OUT HERE DOING HER BEST. ONE SAVE AT A TIME MY MAN. GET IT DONE. LITERALLY A SMALL CHILD IN THE BOTTOM RIGHT CALLING FOR THEIR MOMMY AND YOU’RE JUST STANDING THERE ALL “WAHH IT’S TOO MUCH” LIKE COULD YOU PLEASE POSTPONE YOUR CRISIS UNTIL AFTER YOU SAVE THEM PLEASE

OH MY GOD

MAYBE YOU SHOULD!! oh my god I really cannot, like wow. oh no I actually have to save people and do my job, god forbid. jesus christ, at least the other heroes tried. but Moping Hero: Bellyache here is just throwing in the towel and fuck everyone who still needs his help I guess. you are like the anti-Deku my dude

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NO OH FUCK

THAT’S MIDNIGHT’S HAND OH FU -- SHE BETTER NOT -- HORIKOSHI I SWEAR TO GOD --

I’M GONNA LOSE IT I REALLY AM!!!!

HOLY SHIT HOW INTENSE OF A RAGE DO I NEED TO BRACE MYSELF TO BE FEELING HERE. THIS CHAPTER WAS ALREADY TRENDING TOWARDS DISAPPOINTMENT, DO WE REALLY NEED TO GO AND COMPOUND THAT

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

you’re telling me Tomura wasn’t brought back by that electric shock, but by his “fuck you” attitude? why are you explaining this to us now, again??

......

HEY, SO UM, FUCK ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS, THOUGH. (: OH MAN. OHHHHHH MAN. I HAVE... I HAVE GOT A LOT OF WORDS FOR THIS AND HERE ARE SOME OF THEM

FUCK

THINGS THAT SHOULD BE IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO “SOME BULLSHIT”: THIS

FUCK

GET FUCKED HORIKOSHI

AND ALSO PLEASE FUCK RIGHT OFF!!

AND SERIOUSLY THOUGH FUCK YOU

NO BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THOUGH!! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED OFF ANYONE. LITERALLY ANY CHARACTER. YOU HAD TWELVE FEMALE PROS. TWELVE. YOU COULD HAVE MADE MORE OF THEM. PROBABLY, IF THERE ACTUALLY WERE SUPERHEROES IN REAL LIFE, THERE WOULD BE MORE THAN TWELVE OF THEM IN AN ENTIRE NATION. BUT NO, YOU WERE ALL “TWELVE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH.” AND THEN WHEN IT CAME TIME TO KILL PEOPLE OFF, YOU WERE ALL “WELL ALL RIGHT THEN, LET’S SEE, I PICK... THESE 18 RANDOM SIDE CHARACTERS WITH LITTLE TO NO DIALOGUE, PLUS THE ONE SINGLE FEMALE U.A. STAFF MEMBER WE ACTUALLY HAD. YEAH THAT OUGHTA DO IT”

AND BY THE WAY, HORIKOSHI, I PICKED SOMETHING UP FOR YOU ON MY WAY HOME, HERE IT IS, ┌П┐(・＿・) do you like it it was on sale. I saw it and was like, “Horikoshi would really like that.” so there you go. sorry it wasn’t gift-wrapped

p.s. I hope y’all can tell that that’s supposed to be a middle finger and not... something else lmao. er. anyway

(ETA: so I got a few asks from people who were really put off by this part of the reaction post, and so I’m just adding an extra note here to make it clear that I do not actually wish harm on Horikoshi in any way or even particularly dislike him. I wasn’t happy about Midnight’s death and I wanted to convey that, and so I went with my usual LOUD CAPSLOCK REACTION tone, but looking back on it I can see that it’s kind of a lot, lol.

so just to be clear, the “fuck you” stuff is almost entirely tongue-in-cheek. that’s on me, I forget sometimes that there are people who share these sentiments unironically and so I didn’t think to make sure my intended meaning here was clear. anyways, killing Midnight was still a really problematic decision for numerous reasons but it is what it is. Horikoshi is not perfect, the story isn’t perfect, and I’m not gonna pretend like it is, but again just to be clear, I don’t harbor any actual ill will toward Horikoshi here.)

shit. and wow this man really went and killed off fucking Mystic too on top of that. have you ever seen a character fail so spectacularly at living up to their hype. r.i.p. Mystic you were like the Star Wars sequel of characters

(ETA: I have no fucking idea why I keep thinking Majestic’s name is Mystic lol. rest in peace you old scarecrowy bastard.)

and poor Momo, though. fuck. lost two mentors in a single day. and do not even get me started on Aizawa holy shit

so now we’re cutting to some random townspeople who are gossiping about the Todoroki drama. this is actually interesting in spite of my newfound determination to hate this chapter lol

ngl I am kind of heartened to see that not everyone fell for Dabi’s bs hook line and sinker though. Jeanist returning from the dead literally two seconds after Dabi was all “I SWEAR ON MY HONOR AS A VILLAIN THAT HAWKS MURDERED HIM” probably helped with that a bit! but there will doubtless be many other people who do believe him, or are at least still inclined to side-eye the heroes in general either way given how much they sucked in this arc. very, very interesting

so it seems though that even more than the whole Endeavor reveal, at the end of the day it’s going to be the heroes failing to live up to their end of the “put your faith in us and let us use our quirks and in return we’ll protect everyone and keep them safe” implied social contract that’s going to have the biggest impact on people’s opinions moving forward. basically this was always going to be a disaster no matter what

OH MY GOD FINALLY AHHHHH

Horikoshi really tapped into some of the real-life political energy of the past few years huh. Fuck Him Still for killing off Midnight, but I will admit that so far this is hella intriguing and I am really, really curious to see where things go from here

OH MY GOD THE LITTLE KIDS FROM THE BABYSITTING ARC

“FIVE PEEPEE MAN WOULDN’T LIE TO US” YES CHILDREN YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. at least the little ones still have faith

( •̀ へ •́ )

that’s great. that’s really keen. all we need right now, amirite

GOOD FOR YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT

let’s just wait for him to explain what he feels. you know he likes to drag it out

is that Dabi crouched down there next to Spinner? looks like they got him out of the marble after all. but why has his hair changed colors again lol what

anyways. your turn to what??

:’) excuse me what

hahahaha are you fucking kidding me. and that’s where we’re going to end the chapter then. lol okay

so let’s recap. Midnight died. we spent ten hours watching Ochako dig people out of rubble for no apparent reason and were then introduced to my new least favorite character, and because Ochako is so nice she didn’t even punch him in the face even though she really should have. we did not get any Kacchan or Shouto. we got one panel of Deku, who is Finally Asleep. and the chapter ended with AFO ordering his Noumus to go set free, AND I QUOTE, HIS “MAIN BODY.” and now I gotta wait an entire week for Caleb’s translation to confirm that last part. omg

but it sounds like a prison break is imminent, which is very, very interesting. ...and actually, is it weird that I’m actually rooting for it to be a success? I have no idea what this guy is planning, but I do know that as long as the main part of his soul is still residing in Tomura’s body, Tomura’s chance of surviving the series is close to zero. and villain though he may be, I’m still rooting for his redemption (nice to have Deku on my side now too), and so yeah. so like if AFO feels like using some latent Exorcism Quirk or something that he’s been saving for just such an occasion, be my guest lol

meanwhile this doesn’t bode well for All Might though. or anyone else aside from Tomura, really. shiiiit

anyway. [slaps roof of chapter] this baby can fit so much bullshit in it

#bnha 296 #midnight (bnha)#uraraka ochako #all for one #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #sorry this took so long to post lol #I really need to learn to add an extra 2-3 hours to any time-sensitive estimates I make #anyways

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softer-ua · 4 years ago

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i can't be the only one who wants izuku to get fucking pissed at his situation, at all might, start questioning what the fuck is going on with OFA.

because if you're going to trust a fifteen year old with something like OFA and bind them to the life of a symbol, you do not get to withhold information. deku was not told he'd be dealing with an enemy like AFO when he got the quirk, nor was he told that basically its whole point was not fighting some vague concept of evil, but fighting a very tangible very dangerous villain. he wasn't told that up until all might, inheriting this power was guaranteed suicide, and even after all might you only have a vague chance of survival. to be offered such a life altering "gift", Izuku should have been warned of everything. from the start. and if not then then from the very moment izuku started seeing vestiges, or at least when AFO resurfaced. WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD YOU HIDE ANY, ANY BIT OF INFORMATION ON A QUIRK THAT IMPORTANT?????

no because, if you look at it cynically, All Might took this kid who had nothing and who looked up to him as effective god. He took this kid who he knew had no sense of no self-care or self-preservation. This extremely reckless kid who he saw putting his life at risk three times (sludge v1, hanging on to AM as he jumped, sludge v Katsuki) within 24 hours. He picked this kid who he knew would give everything (because Izuku had "nothing", and therefore nothing to lose) and "gifted" him with a ticking time bomb. Of course Izuku is willing to break himself if it means using OFA to max potential. So much of his self-worth is based on OFA. He's said time and time again he isn't sure if he deserves it, that it's a borrowed power. If you've taken this kid and given him everything practically overnight, of course he'll go to self-destructive lengths to prove himself worthy of it. Who'd want to go back to being nothing after all?

And this is a logical conclusion. Someone like Izuku, someone like All Might probably used to be in his youth and still kind of is, they're perfect to be put on this kind suicide mission. They're a perfect vessel. Sure they're heroic and brave and selfless, but most importantly they're willing to die for the cause. OFA the quirk knows this. Literally two seconds after Katsuki sacrifices himself telling Deku not to do shit alone, Deku renders said sacrifice useless by doing exactly what Katsuki warned him not to😭 And the quirk and vestiges encourage him. They don't give a shit about repercussions and Deku's chronic pain or possible arm paralysis. They just want to beat AFO. You go son you break those arms 🤠

Doesn't it all feel a little bit exploitative?

Look at it like this. A kid is born with no power. This kid wants to be great, but the world says he can't. He meets his hero, and the hero says he can't either. Then the kid acts heroic, but reckless. The hero sees an opening. This kid is good and doesn't care one bit about his well-being? Jackpot! He offers the kid a deal. Great power, an extraordinary gift at surface layer. But one with so many more hidden strings attached that hurt and break and haunt the kid, that he was never warned about or taught how to deal with. But he can always give it to someone else! Can he, really? Can he go back to being nothing? With a personality like his, well nope. And that's why you pick the overly selfless reckless ones. The ones that will feel indebted to you to a ridiculous degree.

Isn't it like dare I say... like a deal with the devil?

As we progress more and more into the lore of AFO and OFA, I can really see why Katsuki's started to view it as a cursed power. And with how wildly different from expectations (at least mine) + far more nuanced the Todofam drama has revealed itself to be compared to what it seemed upon first intro, I'm inclined to believe there's more to the OFA story than clean cut, young bro good guy vs mean big bro oppression.

TL;DR - All Might is the metaphorical devil jr who gave Izuku a passed down deal, and neither he nor broccoli boy read the fine print.

Bakugo’s ghost sent me this ask 💀

Lol but seriously, these are all excellent points and I’ve been sitting on this ask until I had time to answer it because you’re absolutely goddamn right

This shit is explotive af, and I’ve got a suspicion as to why

I don’t think Deku was a random choice, there’s a layer of fate/mystic woven into the bnha world that gets over looked.

Sir had insane fortune telling abilities that were never once wrong about anything except when it came to the 2 OFA users fates. Deku even specifically says he’ll smash any fate in his way, and I think on some level he knows he can because he has a different destiny.

The vestiges break him from Shinsos hold, meaning the can have some level of control over Dekus body. You think AM noticed every time something like that happened? AM didn’t even notice Bakugo internalizing all the blame for his retirement even after watching his mom force him to apologize for it??

“I keep forgetting that your still a child” AM, sir, this is the third time you’ve admitted out loud that you were just gonna let Bakugo suffer his own fate 💀 please stop indicting yourself and at least pretend you care about Bakugo outside his relationship to Deku jfc

Also what are the chances you get nine random holders and none of them turn out to be corrupt or at least too self serving to die for the cause??? Slimmer than the pages bnha is printed on.

There’s something pulling some strings here, and I think it’s the true power of First users quirk.

What would be the point of transferring a quirk if that’s it’s only power?

What would be the point of this quirk being essentially password locked?

What would be the point of this quirk being able to forced on to someone?

There’ wouldn’t be any.

But what if that’s not what the quirk is?

What if the quirk is actually passing something along, and that’s why it’s dna based, it’s the transfer of an integral part of them.

Something that would change a person if forced on them but would possibly eradicate someone if stolen. Something like a souls desire? That could be a dangerous thing to give to someone else especially if it’s something they didn’t want, now they suddenly have to?

Then you give this quirk a strength enhancing quirk?

Now it’s got some juice, how much stronger did it get? Can it sense others with a similar goal, can it make its host gravitate towards those people?

Is the firsts quirk purposely finding exploitable heros, like Nana AM and Deku. All people who were/are willing to give up everything for the cause. How much of the first is in there, how much sentient power does this quirk have?

We know that Nana gave up her family, her child, for the cause. AM never bothered cultivating a family and pushed away Sir and anyone else who is anti him dying, and now we’re seeing Deku do the same.

Deku who had no friends to begin with, a dad who’s out of the picture, and an already slightly strained relationship with his mom?

Is this quirk capable of learning? Does it know that having people you care about slows you down from sacrificing yourself?

Does this quirk compound with the other users goals make the drive stronger each time?

Idk but there’s a glimmer of hope that Deku isn’t doomed to be a glorified meat puppet, and it exists in the form of Kacchan.

No one else had someone so deeply rooted to them, who could fight right along side them. Bakugo is an outlier in this story, almost the exact opposite kind of hero OFA wants, his connection to Deku breaks the cycle.

Deku would never give up on Katsuki, and even if he tried Endeavor will start coughing up ice cubes before Bakugo lets him. He couldn’t leave Deku alone when he was convinced he hated him, there’s no way he’d do it now.

Dekus story will be different from the other users that’s for sure.

#get it?? cause endeavors quirk is hell fire 😀😀😀#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugou katsuki #kacchan #deku #izuku midoriya #all might #OFA #AFO #oneforall #allforone #nana shimura #softy answers #am i on to something #or have I just officially lost my mind?

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ruby-whistler · 3 years ago

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I recently took your latest survey and I was having some thoughts like I tend to do and thought I would try to understand your POV better and give some insight into mine. I wouldn’t consider myself a “apologist” for any character and actually really hate how the term is used, but in general I disagree with the main opinion I’ve seen on your blog which is that Dream should get a redemption arc. However, my reasoning isn’t one that I see you commonly argue against. (Being that dream shouldn’t get a redemption arc because he’s done bad things.) You always ask some interesting questions, I enjoy taking your surveys, I’ve done all the ones I’ve seen on my dash. So I’d like to in turn ask for your opinion on some things and see your opinion on my POV, if that is ok with you. I just find it interesting to discuss.

the view I see a lot of Dream apologist have is that everyone should have the opportunity for a good ending, which is true.

But I feel like it kind of misses the point of well, we are discussing characters, not real people. Now of course, what we say and write about characters can still have an impact, but I feel like sometimes this fandom in particular goes too far down the route of seeing these characters as people. To the point where anything said about the character is seen as proof of that persons morals, and not something said about a story.

For example, going back to the point about how everyone should have the opportunity to heal, I think that is true. But the fact of the matter is, not everyone will. It’s not realistic. So it makes sense that in stories, not ever y antagonist will have a redemption. I think there’s a huge difference between saying you don’t want a character to heal in a story, and saying you don’t want someone to in real life. For me it completely depends on how well it would work narratively in the story, not how much I think the particular character deserves it.

There’s a reason why the whole “power of friendship” trope is often mocked. It’s because it’s anticlimactic. It takes away all the stakes, leaving you with a rather stale, and hard-to-believe ending. People who have had a considerable downward spiral often can’t be completely derailed by a simple “no, this isn’t right” or a brief act of kindness. To better explain this I think it would help to take a step back from the story and characters we are attached to and just take a look at different stories that are pretty well known. Just to kind of put what I’m trying to say into perspective better.

I’ll take Marvels Infinity war/endgame as a example here because I think a lot of parallels can be drawn from Thanos to c!dream. (And I used to be really into marvel.) What with the whole “greater good” “one big happy family” thing they want to achieve through harm, murder, and total control. Also the disc war finale was literally pulled from endgame lol. With both characters we can see they have at the very least a not terrible motive. If you look closely enough it’s possible to sympathize with them. Less so for me with c!dream simply because we haven’t gotten a real solid backstory or reasoning from him, besides pieced together fanon that we have no real way of determining the accuracy of yet. But I get that some people do really like the character. But keeping along those lines of comparing the two, they’ve both done a ton a very terrible things, and don’t seem to feel any regret for them. (Actually, scratch that, there are scenes that imply thanos at least did feel somewhat bad about what he was doing, another reason that he’s more sympathetic for me. Of course you could claim that c!dream is less emotional or just doesn’t show it, which could be true, but there’s also the claim that he just doesn’t care, which could also very well be true. Again, we sadly don’t have too much insight to his character, which is a shame in my opinion. I’d like the see more of the writers intent.)

So the reason for my comparison is to ask this question, taking away all bias. do you think that giving thanos a redemption arc would of been the right way to take the story. Again, I think both their arcs are easily comparable, seeing as the dsmp pretty much took direct inspiration from those movies in the latter part of season 2. This might be a bit harder to answer if you haven’t seen it but you could easily look up a summary if you wanted to, or just take my word for it that they are pretty similar lol.

Becuase, if the answer is no, then I’m not sure how much some of the points you’ve made on this blog hold up. Besides being based off your liking of the character, which is valid. (there’s a reason why fanfic and fanart exists) but that doesn’t mean that such a ending would be good for a story. Again, I can understand why you would want a redemption for c!dream, just like I want my favorite characters to have a happy ending, but that doesn’t mean I actually want it to happen. Above all else I want a good story.

Just to clarify, I’m not asking if you think these characters deserve redemption. I’m asking if you think it would work well narratively and give a solid conclusion. Because, like I mentioned earlier, this is a story. We arnt discussing the fate of real people here. Having a villain not be redeemed is not the same as saying people who have done really bad things should not be redeemed. Likewise, having a villain be redeemed isn’t saying what they did was ok. Villain redemptions can be well done, but they have to make sense narratively and be satisfying. In this case, I personally believe a redemption for Dream would not be interesting or compelling in the slightest, for the same reason I don’t think endgame ending in a redemption arc for thanos would be interesting or compelling in the slightest, despite the fact that I like both characters.

Part of the reason I brought up marvel at all is I want to kind of reframe the story, because I feel like this fandom has a oddly unique way of viewing the characters and story. Like I mentioned, the characters are often discussed like they are real people. Discussing c!dreams fate is treated like your discussing the fate of a real man, not a character in a story. I think there are some possible reasons for this. For one, all the characters are somewhat attached to their steamers counterpart. So, we feel more attached to them as a whole, and they feel more like real people. Another reason could be that you can watch almost any perspective you like, and leave out any ones you wish to as well. It’s a bit like a choose your own adventure book. So, in a way, pretty much every character could be considered a protagonist.

Which is where I can see a possible argument against my point. In a story where every character is the protagonist, the only satisfying outcome would be one that pleases fans of every POV. Which is where I can see this argument take place of “well, do you think ___ deserves a good ending? Then what about ___?? Surely you must think everyone does, or you just have bad morals!”. It’s a unique situation that I don’t think I’ve seen before. Of course, everyone has their favorites in a story, but the difference here is there are no supporting characters or solid antagonist.

And honestly, I think originally Wilbur saw the possibility of that problem arising, which is why he once stated that he wanted the characters to serve the narrative, not the other way around. It’s interesting that we didn’t have nearly as much discussion like this back when Wilbur was writing, because the story was much more conventional. But by the time we got to season three, that sentiment had been pretty much completely thrown out the window, leaving us with what we have today.

This is why I personally prefer the previous narrative. On one hand, this current way of story telling is very unique, and has a lot of potential, but comes with a lot of downsides. Conventional story structure just,,, doesn’t work out as well. Which is why I personally see the best course of action as using Dream as the overall antagonist. Giving Dream a tragic backstory, hidden motives, and eventual redemption arc just wouldn’t do much for the story in my opinion. Sure, it would make people who enjoy and sympathize with his character happy, but it runs into the problem of all the storylines being very separate. Like yeah we can have a separate redemption arc for each and every character, but I just don’t see how we would get an actual story out of that. I think a central villain could really pull things together, but at the moment it’s unclear if that is what they are going for. I guess we’ll just have to see where things go? Maybe there’s some answers to our questions in the aforementioned Dream lore stream? I personally believe he is being written as a central antagonistic character, but I can see where the opinion that he is not comes from, despite not personally wanting the story to take that direction.

I know this is very long, and I apologize, but seeing as you often make surveys and things asking for others povs, which I would imagine results in pages of paragraphs, I figured you wouldn’t be opposed to this. I’d like to hear your opinion/thoughts, but if you don’t want to respond I am fine with that.

alrigh, putting this one onder the ol’ cut because the ask is long enough /lh

so, i don’t actually take “everyone deserves to heal” as an argument why c!dream should have a redemption arc - more like an anti-argument for why he shouldn’t. my main reasons for why i believe he should be redeemed is 1. it’s the only thing that makes sense for the story 2. it’s the thing that makes the most sense for the character 3. he just genuinely deserves better after what he’s gone through 4. at this point anything else would send a really bad message 5. he’s the perfect character with the perfect setup to get one. it’s not just because i like him.

i don’t take what people say about characters deserving redemption as proof of their real life morals, or an example for how they’d treat real people, however i can still say these takes are atrocious, make no sense, or even upsetting and make me want to interact with the person less. they’re often born from bias and are completely illogical from both an objective and a philosophical sense, which is why i speak out about them, not for real life morality issues. this fandom has some of the most ridiculous and unsettling views of the story i’ve seen.

stories are not meant to be 100% realistic. art is supposed to have an improvement of real life - redemption arcs in stories that are well-written aren’t invalidated just because in real life, people don’t become better more often than not. if all bad people became good people, that would be cool actually - it’s not what’s gonna happen in real life, but doesn’t mean i should be opposed to it if it’s pulled off well.

alright, full disclosure, i have never watched a marvel movie in my life. i don’t plan to, really, i read books instead of watching movies most of the time. with the limited knowledge i have of thanos, i’d say some parallels can be drawn, but they’re not the same character at all, nor is their personality, story, or narrative the same. we have gotten confirmation on the fact his goal is peace and for people to get along, and i don’t know what you mean by “pieced together fanon”, but people believe or deny what they want, so whatever. i’d argue he’s easier to sympathize with, but then again, i haven’t watched marvel movies, so in my mind thanos is less a “sympathize” and more of a “understand his motives” type of guy.

i think that if thanos was a character in an environment of less than thirty people, with a home he owned and his family torn apart and divided, becoming more and more ruthless in attempts to stop people from starting long-winded conflict, who has proven again and again to care about people, but employ horrible tactics less despite and more as a result of it, and was defeated and abused in a cruel prison system for several months, while the narrative deliberately shows of his humanity - then yes, i think he should be redeemed. if that is not thanos, then perhaps you should’ve chosen a better comparison, or not used one at all.

seems very out of character to me. perhaps if you think c!dream and thanos are really the same person, you should start considering actual canon more than your own feelings about the character. just a suggestion.

i myself think that everyone on the smp deserves to heal and be redeemed, however i think c!dream will be the only person to get an arc in the upcoming months, because everything is pointing towards the fact and at this point it is pretty obvious the story has picked that option to go with. this is purely story and narrative-based, and my feelings match up with it more than the other way around.

i believe that a redemption arc for c!dream would, because of recent as well as older developments, be the only compelling and interesting writing choice in the upcoming arc. you disagreeing - well, i guess that’ll be your opinion until you’re proven wrong or not. however i strongly disagree because of the themes, narrative and characterization that seem to strongly disagree with you on the subject as well.

cc!wilbur’s literal last wish when leaving the writing was to keep all characters morally grey, no overall antagonist or protagonist. and the writers did a hell of a good job with that, however i guess the fandom wasn’t ready for darker and more philosophically difficult themes to be explored so they promptly switched to a pure black-and-white view of the story (which cc!wilbur straight up criticized them for), i think to try and gain a moral high-ground or something?? idk, they ruined the thing for themselves though, it was definitely not the writers’ fault.

there is no “the story” from a narrative stand-point. all of the characters have wildly different narratives and outlooks. if c!dream’s redemption wouldn’t do much for the story you are watching? honestly why should i care, the dream smp is more complex than that.

if you think c!dream should stay the overall antagonist, maybe you’ve already lost track of the lore. quackity at the moment seems to be the character with the most potential to make a negative impact on several characters’ narrative (hence becoming an antagonist of at least part of the overall story) while c!dream is stuck being the literal victim of his in a prison that is deliberately framed by the writers as dehumanizing and corrupt. if “this character’s vulnerability is being exposed and he is being actively traumatized and outdone by a different villainous character” doesn’t scream “extremely likely redemption arc” to you, i don’t know what will.

c!dream hasn’t been the “central antagonist” for the past six months and there are like three characters already fighting over filling in the spot. if you don’t want the narrative to take that direction? i am sorry, but i don’t think there is much you can do about it.

#my asks #anon #long post

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darkdevasofdestruction · 4 years ago

Text

Take My Hand ~ Lucifer x Reader

For so many, even those who know him, Lucifer is an enigmatic riddle that will never be solved. A question with no answer. A blank, white puzzle. He keeps his stoic facade at all times, overworks himself on anything Diavolo gives him, and if he runs out of work, he finds more, from somewhere that nobody, even the young Prince, has no idea.

He’s always so strict and proper, dresses royal and there is seemingly no imperfection to him. Hell, even Asmo, the most narcissistic brother, is not-so-secretly jealous of his beauty and dominant and mysterious aura that engulfs him, that makes him even more enticing than one could think.

So what is the mysterious of this overly strict Fallen, the one that God loved the most, the one that led the Rebellion of the Celestial War aeons ago, actually hiding? What emotions is he so desperately trying to hide behind those sharp, ruby eyes of him that read into you like infrared?

What kind of fragility is trying to hide being that frozen block that became his heart that aches and burns harder than the Sun itself?

Perhaps that is something that only someone with a fresh perspective shall witness, someone who walks around like a ghost, unnoticeable, yet her eyes are wide and attentive, that can peer right into the depths of anyone’s soul.

They are complete opposites, and yet, they are more alike than anyone could even begin to realise - That is, if they are so adamant to be ignorant, as they’ve always been.

Apart from Solomon, not one, but two other humans were brought into Devildom, and that is because fate made it so that Lucifer chose a girl that had a sister.

A twin sister.

So of course, you cannot separate twins, so Diavolo was okay with bringing both of them, thinking it would be reminiscent of the 6th and 7th brothers, especially for their personalities are like light and day, like the Sun and the Moon, both of them beautiful, yet completely different.

And that was quickly made obvious once they arrived, for the brothers quickly swamped all over the younger sister, since she was a lovable, social butterfly, an extroverted free soul who loves to fool around and bend the rules to breaking point.

The older sister, however, was an introvert of few words, yet all of them were meaningful. She was incredibly diligent and hard-working, studying since the first day in RAD, she was much too busy to even bother going out of her way to break the rules, and had to do everything in her power to get her sister out of trouble, including doing her homework, to avoid detention.

The eldest brother, the most attentive, was quick to realise that all the brothers were attracted to the sunshine like moths to the fire that they didn’t even bother approaching the zircon wrapped in a velvet handkerchief.

He was, however, completely drawn to her...Or maybe it was the mystery surrounding her that he was interested in? He read once, in a human book, that the most intriguing is the journey, not the destination, yet he couldn’t help but wonder if it was similar to going to one’s soul.

Y/N’s soul was pure, it was bright, it was beautiful and tempting, which went in complete anti-thesis with the facade she pulled for everyone - And just like twins are, like Yin and Yang, she was truly the complete opposite of her bright sister that held a dark soul.

But days began to rapidly pass by, and with each day, countless of problematic events happened, that made Lucifer, and not only him, pissed off beyond belief, at the younger sister, and the older one was forced to bare the consequences and solve the problem..

These continuous occurrences started eroding her soul, bit by bit, darkening it, overshadowing her light, and it was beginning to concern the raven haired man, for, in the end, it was still his job to make sure the humans are okay and comfortable in Diavolo’s Kingdom.

Exams were coming along, and Lucifer could see Y/N was beginning to become much paler and less talkative. He didn’t see her as often outside of the classroom, and even to meals that they would always share together...And he began to worry.

He knows very well that humans are very frail, weak and sensitive creatures, that constantly needed to be taken care of, and he knew very well that she wouldn’t have much until she’d collapse.

“Does anyone have a pen, please? All of mine have been completely used up, and I need to urgently finish an assignment.”

Speak of the devil, Lucifer thought, as his D.D.D.’s notification sound popped on his study desk, where he, himself, was also working on his own assignments, and he chuckled at the coincidence, and pondered over if he should tease her a bit, to provoke her, or not.

Something that Lucifer always loved was to push someone’s boundaries...Not some pushover like Mammon, clearly, but strong, dominating people, much like Satan, much like himself. He wanted to see how far can he push someone until they get angry, until they lose their composure, until they show their true face, until their facade crumbles, and they are no longer the self they show to everyone.

It’s satisfying seeing others step on their pride...

Since he would never do that, clearly. He isn’t the Avatar of Pride for nothing.

Asmo: Nope! I only have my personalised, engraved pen, and I can’t give it to everyone! Beel: Sorry, I accidentally ate all my pens while trying to write my homework. Belphie is sleeping. Levi: I don’t have pens, I write everything on my laptop. Satan: I always misplace mine. I only have the one I keep in my notebook. Mammon: Lol, you’re doing homework? Hah, what a dork! Sorry, I ain’t using Goldie to buy pens! Why not ask your sister? Anyka: You bought 10 pens barely 2 weeks ago, how the hell did you even finish them? Y/N: I have a lot to do. Do you have any spare pens? Anyka: Lol nope x Ask Lucifer or idk Barbatos??

The opportunity is shining, so...Should he start provoking her? Or would that break her even more? This should certainly be interesting... And if anything happens, he always knows when to put a stop to this charade. “I have a spare fountain pen, if it would do.” he sent her a DM, waiting for an answer. “Perfect. Are you in your study, or your bedroom?” she sent an immediate answer, which made him smirk. “Study. If you beg me nicely, I can also give you the ink for it.” he was playing with fire, and damn, was it exhilarating. “You...Want me to...Beg? For a pen and ink? To do my assignments? I don’t think Diavolo would be pleased to hear that.” she typed after an obvious few moments of hesitation. “Sometimes compromises must be made in order to achieve your goal. You are aware, I am sure, that if you do not finish your homework for tomorrow, you will receive detention.” this was getting very interesting, and he couldn’t wait to see what her next step would be. “Fine. I will ask Barbatos then. Thanks for the offer. Have a pleasant night.” she cut him off with clear acid in her words, which made Lucifer chuckle in satisfaction.

She was though, and entertaining. What an adorable little lamb.

And it was true, she asked Barbatos, who told her that he couldn’t go over to the House of Lamentation, for he has to take care of Diavolo, and he refused to allow her to leave the dorms without someone by her side to make sure no stray demon attacks her.

That was a true bummer.

So...She had to step on her pride to get a stupid pen to finish her assignments. It wasn’t even homework, but she still had hours of work she had to do. It was barely midnight, she couldn’t even attempt to go sleep now.

Going to sleep means obvious overthinking, which means lack of sleep, so better be productive and work, then destroy yourself more than you already are, doing nothing, while staring and cursing the ceiling.

Y/N sighed, breaking the pen in two out of anger, and wobbly got out of her study chair, making a bee line to Lucifer’s study and knocking on the door, waiting to hear the approval word to enter the room. She barely opened the door, walking in front of the seated form of Lucifer, who held his spare fountain pen almost mockingly in front of her.

He was watching her like a hawk, every movement analysed as if under a microscope, almost as if he was carefully searching for any flaw or mistake she would make. However, he could see she wasn’t well. She was sleep deprived, her complexion was much paler than normal, she had dark bags under her eyes...And her posture was slouched, almost sloppy. Lucifer knew she has always been a diligent person, so the homework couldn’t possibly be long overdue. She would have done it in the day it was given. So...What was the urgency? Could it be that...She was...Just like him?

“I’m not sure how I’m supposed to beg for a pen, but, Lucifer, may I please borrow your pen? I promise to return it to you tomorrow, buy a new ink, to your preference, as soon as classes are over and I can go to proper shopping.” her voice was tired, just like her mind and body. She held no emotions in her words. It was almost as if she was intentionally damaging herself to make up for-

Oh.

Perhaps she wasn’t as different from him as he thought she was, and now, at least, he can better understand why she was deteriorating as fast as she was.

“You can keep it, I don’t mind. However, as the head of the student council, and the one who has to overlook this exchange program, I would have to advise you to take better care of yourself and rest, instead of overworking yourself.” Lucifer told her, with a less condescending voice, only to receive a sarcastic scoff, which confused him. “Tell me that when you’re going to follow your own advice.” and she left.

A chuckle escaped his mouth as soon as the door was closed, and for the first time in ages, he actually went to bed early...For his standards. He had to be very attentive of this one, however...She was much more interesting than he believed.

And the first thing he saw in the morning, as he stepped in the classroom, he saw Y/N handing a file to her sister - A file with all the homework for the whole week, that is - And now he could understand why she was overworked. She was going about life in all the wrong ways...Not that he should be one to talk. He knows his own faults, but admitting them to another is a complete different matter.

But things were going to take a horrid turn for the worst, beginning with Diavolo calling everyone for the Student Council meeting, only to announce that the exchange students were going to have a lowered pass/fail line anymore, but will have to work and achieve the demons’ standards and rise to the challenge given.

“If you’re going to control a demon’s powers, you need to have a proper understanding of them and how they should be used.” Diavolo said, which made him realise that the twins, somehow, managed to make pacts with all of the brothers...All of them, sans one. That one being himself, of course. “Hey, whoa, that’s a bit sudden, don’t you think? Exams are just around the corner!” Anyka protested, obviously shocked. “RAD exams are surprisingly tough.” Belphie nodded in agreement. “I’m sure both of you are going to do great, especially if you’ve studied a little bit throughout the semester.” Diavolo smiled, as usual, and the older twin mimicked no emotion on her face. “But...! But I haven’t! I had fun with the brothers all this time...What am I gonna do?! Y/N, say something!” the younger twin shook her sister, waking her up from her trance. “Hmm...? What should I say? He’s right.” she shrugged, not bothering to look at anyone. “I’ve already considered that, and I have a plan. Satan, you are going to be tutoring Y/N and Anyka up until the day of exams.” Lucifer dumped the responsibility on the blond brother, who was barely able to say anything from the shock of being put on the spot. “Oh, that’s perfect! Thank you soooo much, Satan! You’re the best!” Anyka jumped on the 4th born, who chuckled awkwardly. “Thanks, but I can do this by myself. If this was all, then I’m going to see you during the exams. Bye.” she gave a brief peace sign, before leaving to her room, no doubt continuing her studying.

Obviously, Lucifer knew she had it in the bag if she focused. She’s a smart girl, she won’t have any problem...If she stays healthy, that is. There was something about her that made him want to approach her, to hold her face, to look her in the eyes and tell her to stop doing this to herself. There was something about her innocence and heart that made him want to protect her at all cost, even if that meant protecting her from herself. He pondered offering to tutor her, but what could he even tutor her about, when she clearly knows everything there needs to be learnt about the exams?

He wanted to kiss her hands and reassure her that everything will be okay, and he wanted to hold her tight and help her fall asleep without having running thoughts through her head all the time.

But he can’t do that, can he? If he were to approach her, she’d run away, like a scared little baby fawn trying to find her mama, while being chased off by a hunter. He had to be gentle with her, delicate, to lure her into a sense of security and safety...A warm haven by his side...

But can he really manage to do that, when he’s supposed to be the Big Bad Scary Wolf who punishes everyone and doesn’t allow happiness in the dorms, as per so gracefully described by his lovely brothers?

The first day of the exams came much faster than Y/N realised - She had no idea how time flew by so fast, it felt like she just blinked and bam, exam days - So here she was, drinking her 3rd coffee for the morning while writing her answers for the exam.

Caladrius Blood was the third ingredient for that famous ancient elixir that required Powdered unicorn hood and bittergrass root, for the Magical Potions exam from that morning...

A forest, what covered the surface of Devildom shortly after it came into existence, the answer for the History exam from the afternoon...And a three-legged crow being the relief sculpture at the entrance to the Devildom royal tomb...

Yes, these were all incredibly easy questions, she had no problem, clearly. And that was the same for the 2nd day, with the hexes and curses... And then came the practical exam...Seductive Speechcraft test.

She looked around the classroom with a frown, knowing she had to pair up with someone, but all the brothers were crowding around her sister, and she could only sigh, looking down with her arms crossed, not knowing what to do.

“Would you like to pair up with me, Y/N?” Lucifer’s voice rang soothingly in her ear, making her turn around, her eyebrow raised in confusion. “You...Want to pair up...With me?” she asked in a slow, unsure voice, which made him smile and nod. “Yes, is something wrong with that?” he bent down slightly, getting closer to her face. “No, of course not. I was just...Surprised that anyone wanted to pair up with me. Anyway, we should get started.” she nodded, looking away from him and guiding him to a more secluded part of the classroom. “You have to be the one doing the seducing. I am really curious how you are going to proceed. Could you, perhaps, be...Scared?” with his infamous smirk, he looked smugly at how her otherwise unfaltering facade began to break slightly. “No...It’s just...If I knew I was going to be the one doing the seducing, I would have put on some make up this morning, so I wouldn’t look like I just woke up from death after being buried for 100 years...No, make that 1000 years.” she corrected herself after taking a quick look at her reflection on her D.D.D. “I can assure you, your appearance, for us, demons, won’t change a thing. It’s the words and gestures that matter.” he let out a soft chuckle, watching her nod in acknowledgement. “Okay, if you say so, then I will have to believe you. Can you promise me that you won’t attempt to kill me...Again...No matter what I say or do? Trust me, I want top grades, and I’m going to do anything in my power to snatch them.” her voice now was much firmer, and it sounded clearer, more confident. It was clear that her pride and ambition were on the line, and he wanted to see how she was going to seduce him. He could feel electricity running through his veins from the excitement. “Yes, of course. I won’t do anything to you. In fact, I will be the human, and you will be the demon. You have all the power now. Amaze me, Y/N.” he watched her turn to the side slightly, as if preparing her A-Game face - He was expecting her to try out an impersonation of a succubus, since they were plenty in Devildom, but what she did...Was beyond Lucifer’s power of comprehension.

Her eyes held a glimmer of innocence and pity, her soul somehow seemed to glow with purity and light, just like it was when she first arrived. Her demeanour wasn’t assertive, confident and mysterious, but held a tint of submissiveness and glowing affection, as if she wanted to touch him, but she was too afraid to approach a deity.

He thought that, as he gazed with interest at the girl in front of him, only to be shocked completely by how sweetly alluring her voice could sound, and he almost felt the need to have her cup his face so he could melt into her warm, soothing caress.

“Lucifer...Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Have you noticed how your health is starting to decline? I know you are a demon, and a few hours cut off your usual sleeping schedule won’t mean much for you, but you are exhausted, Lucifer. I hate seeing you like that...Overworking yourself...Finding more work to get piled under, even if you’ve already finished your assignments. I worry about you, and your health...But more...I worry about the reasons for your overworking. I know you’re trying so hard to keep away all the intrusive thoughts that keep plaguing your mind...You think that working to exhaustion is going to keep your mind busy, so you’ll sleep without having to overthink.” hearing those words, Lucifer truly wondered if she had veela or succubus genes in her family, or if her tongue was laced with the sweetest poison there is. She slowly approach him, gingerly holding both of his hands, looking down, imitating a timid kitten, and guiding him to the nearest chair behind him, so she could be at his height...Just a little above, creating the perfect angle to change from a submissive expression, to a more dominating, seductive gaze.

“You’re always so concerned about your brothers, wanting to make sure everything goes perfectly, to the plans that you create, because if things go out of control, you are afraid they will have to suffer...Just like it happened when you led the Rebellion. You still feel guilty for what happened. You are afraid that they regret following you...And so, you are purposely hurting yourself...And this self-inflicted pain became your own sense of comfort and defense. You are afraid that, if somehow, you indulge in your pleasure and the pain disappears, things are going to go out of control completely. You are afraid of the unknown and what it could bring...But trust me, Lucifer...I promise you...They love you. They love you, just as much as you love them. They don’t regret following you. You are a family, and they are happy and content staying together, all 7 of you, together. You deserve to be happy too, Lucifer. You deserve to allow yourself a day off from all this mess, and indulge in your pleasures.” she was so close to him, whispering in his ear, then crouching down, holding his hands, keeping them together and kissing them softly, sending shivers down his spine...But more, he froze completely on the spot. He was shocked...His mind was almost completely blank...Because...How could she possibly know all of this? How can she speak like that? She’s just a human...So...How...? Surely, his brothers had no idea, so how could she, a mere human who came by less than an year ago, understand and know him so well? His heart was beating fast, and it was in pain. It was expecting...It was conflicting everything he ever stood for. A day off? A day for himself? A day of self-care? A day...With her...?

“Won’t you allow me to take away the pain, just for the night? Allow yourself to feel something else other than pain and misery. Allow yourself to be happy. To feel emotional pleasure. Allow yourself to be yourself again, only for a night, because Lucifer, you are not a robot, or a machine, you are not programmed, wired, or running or petrol or gasoline. You have a beautiful heart that feels so much, but you are afraid of the myriad of unknown emotions that are desperately trying to burst out and scream at you to let loose...Because you can. You showed me that you are capable of letting loose, when we were stuck in Levi’s game. Do you remember, Lucifer? We were up on the roof, you had your hair in my lap, and I stroked it gently...You were smiling so beautifully...So carefree...Because you had no worries on your mind or heart. You were yourself. And you were happy.” she put her forehead to his, speaking softly, barely above a whisper, but despite her tone, her words spoke loudly, strongly, into his heart, making it pump faster and faster, energy shooting through his every nerve, vein, artery and capillary...His mind was completely captivated, and his heart was captured. Without even realising, his lips were parted and his eyes were wide from the shock, imagining himself in this utopic paradise that she created merely with her words.

“All you have to do is take my hand and follow me. It’s simple. You can do it, Lucifer. Let yourself feel. Let yourself be...What do you say?” she was perfect. She didn’t break her act for not even a split second. The sparkle in her eyes was there from the beginning to the end, and he could feel her fast-beating heart - It was regular for her, as she had the heart rate of a rabbit - It almost seemed natural for her to persuade and sweet-talk anyone like that. Without even realising it himself, he took her hand, looking at her eyes with an expression of wonder, awe and complete fascination...Until she gave him a devilish smirk, and her eyes started glinting with mischief, which made him frown slightly in confusion.

“I won.” was the last thing she said to him before pulling away from him completely, retorting to her bland and pained, exhausted demeanour. “If I made even Lucifer look at me with glazed eyes and made him take my hand, to take him to some dreamland oasis, then I’m sure I deserve the highest mark in the class.” she chuckled with a deadpan expression on her face, not looking at him. “How...Did you do that?” he asked in a low voice, almost not believing what just happend. “Oh, that was possibly the easiest thing I’ve ever done in a long while. You see...I hold great pride in being incredibly intuitive, perceptive, detail-oriented and being able to properly read people...And their hearts. If I had Asmo, I would have told him that he has an amazing personality, and he’s not just all-looks. If it was Mammon, I’d have showered him with praises. If it was Beel, I would have played the family, Lilith and guilt card...And the list goes on. If you, however, are asking how I managed to say all the right words to you...Well...It’s a bit different...And personal.” she spoke, looking at the teacher with a half-smirk as she was given the highest mark, and rightfully so. “What could be so personal that you managed to speak to me as if you are some ancient demon who has been luring people for aeons with her sweet words laced with acid?” he stood up, looking down at her with a stern expression, yet his mind and heart were fighting a war of conflict. “...I told you everything I would have liked someone to tell me all this time.” the raven haired man could see sadness clouding her face, before leaving to her room.

That was a true experience for Lucifer, he couldn’t deny that to himself, and more, for the whole day, no matter how much he tried to work - Her words kept haunting him, and as soon as he picked up the pen, he immediately thought back at the exam and threw it back on the desk.

He tried taking a hot bath, tried listening to that TSL soundtrack, but she was the one to give it to her, after she spent a fortune on Akuzon for his birthday present, but of course, he thought back at her, and he had to stop the music altogether.

Everything he did, he was reminded of those words that held the flavour of the Poison Apples he eats so often, and it was driving him insane. He could feel his brain overheating, and the pressure on his chest was so great that he wanted to dig his nails into his chest and rip apart the flesh, take out the heart and stomp on his heart, because he couldn’t take it anymore. He was a demon, and he was a heavy sinner - He NEEDED to grab her hand and escape the horror of reality. He needed to feel that he wasn’t bound by space, nor time, a body or a brain - He needed to be just one soul, bound to another, to feel no more pain, no more reality - Only euphoria, content, happiness, pleasure.

He couldn’t believe he was so willing to give in to his desires, and it was only because of her. It was HER fault. And yet, her last words before her departure from the classroom kept echoing constantly -

“I told you everything I would have liked someone to tell me all this time.”

He was right all along.

She truly was like him. She was the only one who could properly understand him, and likewise, he was the only one who could take her pain away. Maybe it was his guardian-complex, having to constantly look after someone, needing to be useful to someone... He needed her, as much as she needed him... Because, unlike him, she could easily waste away, as she is nothing more than a human resembling the first Snowdrop in Spring. He could resist until the end of this world, just as he has done until now, but she couldn’t.

The endless train of thoughts was interrupted by yet another knock on his door, that proved to be the same person that plagued his mind - The little lamb walked into the wolf’s den, almost as if summoned, out of her own accord.

To bring him back his fountain pen, along with the promised high-quality ink...It made him chuckle at how adorable and thoughtful she was being, without realising.

“...You are troubled by something. Do you...Want to talk about it...Or should I leave you alone? I did say some pretty heavy words today, I understand if you wouldn’t want to stay in the same room as me for a while.” she gingerly put the items on his study, not looking up at him. “How come you never looked me in the eyes until then?” he asked, looking at her from the office chair. “I...Was never able to look anyone in the eyes, in my life. Now even my sister or my mother. It makes me start panicking...I get intimidated and scared...So I look away. I forced myself to behave the way I was supposed to, but it was the last thing from comfortable. Don’t take it personal.” she chuckled awkwardly, stepping back. “I was surprised that your words had such an impact that I was ready to follow you...But would you follow me? Would you be able to do the very thing that you told me just today? Would you be willing to strip away that facade of yours, take care of yourself, and allow your heart to feel again?” he asked, stepping slowly in front of her, almost resembling a predator prowling to its prey. “...I don’t want to break down and cry, because if I do...Things will only go downhill, very fast and very hard. I’m...Usually on a downward spiral, but when the wave hits...It takes a long time to swim back to the surface...And I’m sure for how many more times will I have the strength to move and breathe.” she muttered, shuffling on her feet, and Lucifer could understand very well. He could see how frail she has become, and it was all because her brain was working against her so heavily, for whatever reason that was eroding her so badly. “If you promise to stay by my side, I will be here to hold your hand and pull you out of the stormy tides. I will walk next to you for your whole journey, until you get tired of me. You just have to take my hand and let yourself be...Let yourself feel. Let out all the pent up emotions, then smile at me, because you have a beautiful smile, and I haven’t seen it in ages. I know you are afraid...It is frightening walking alone, in the dark, with so many monsters around you, ready to gnaw and maul at you...By I will be there, waiting for you, guiding you with a flashlight, ready to hold and protect you...So...What will you do, Y/N? Do you seek salvation and happiness, or are you ready to give up on yourself and want to succumb to the bottomless pit of the abyssal ocean you were thrown into.” he mimicked the way she talked, the way she moved, the way she articulated her words, as he took his gloves off, touching her face and softly caressing it, bending slightly to peer into her eyes.

He could see that she was afraid - She was beginning to tremble, her eyes were glossy, brimming with tears, her bottom lip was quivering and the conflict of good and evil was obvious inside of her - Her hands were in the air, ready, but not entirely, to grab his hands...

“All you have to do is take my hand and follow me. It’s simple. You can do it, Y/N. Let yourself feel. Let yourself be...What do you say?” he mimicked her own words, wanting to see if it would be enough of a push for her

Choosing was truly a mortifying experience, but she was strong, he knew that - And that was made obvious when her shoulders finally started shaking, her breath becoming ragged....

And she threw her arms around his torso, letting rivers and rivers of tears fall down her already exhausted face. Her body was so small compared to his, so small...And so cold, in his warm arms...He couldn’t help but hold her tighter, stroking her hair soothingly, putting a kiss on the top of her head.

“Please take care of me, I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I-I don’t want to leech off of you...I’ve always been everyone’s therapist...And I know how much it sucks...B-But you’re the only one who ever bothered to show me any kindness and understanding. Please, Lucifer, don’t let me drown...I’m so tired of swimming...I can’t go on.” her sobs were so pitiful and broken that it shattered his heart and resolve, and all he could do was guide her to the bed, knowing she was too weak to sit up for too long, and started rocking her gently, as he would do with his brothers long ago, in the Celestial Realm, whenever they were upset or had a nightmare.

“Don’t worry, Y/N, I’m here, and I’m not going away until you tell me to. You won’t drown...You grabbed the lifeline the second you took my hand, and I’m going to make sure you keep floating above the sheen of the water and have no problem breathing.” he reassured her, knowing very well how hopeless it feels being in that situation...But now they could at least cling onto each other for help, support, love brightness.

“How...? How did you know everything...?” she asked, clutching on his shirt, almost as if the harder she pulled, the better the chances of survival. “Because the very words you told me are what you needed to hear the most.”

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jalapeno-princess · 4 years ago

Text

More Than Friends

(I was gonna say he looks so good in here but who am I kidding, he always looks so fucking good)

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst (but mainly fluff I can’t write angst to save my life)

Word Count: 5K

Summary: You and Mark have a very interesting relationship. The two of you are not exactly dating, but you’re not just friends either. Because of who he is, he isn’t able to take things further in your relationship no matter how badly he wants to. However, something causes him to feel the need to put a label on what exactly is going on between you both.

A/N: (It’s kind of repetitive lol idk how I feel about this story) This was requested by another one of my favorite followers on here @safetypineapples Thank you for all your love and support with my stories and I love reading all of yours! I hope you enjoy this one! Based on the song “At my weakest” by James Arthur.

It's a long night and a big crowd Under these lights looking 'round for you Yeah, I'm steppin' outside under moonlight To get my head right, lookin' out for you, yeah

Could it be your eyes Didn't know that I've been Waitin', waitin' for you When your by my side, everything's alright Crazy, I'm crazy for youOh, here I go, down that road Again and again the fool rushin' in But I can't help when I feel some kind of way Do you feel the same? 'Cause And I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest And I fall for you

“Pick up—fuck—please pick up.”

Mark was pacing back and forth in the hallway; he must’ve looked like a crazy person to all the staff and security guards at the event, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t too sure why it was happening, especially because he was right about to go on stage, but he was currently going through a panic attack. Just a couple of minutes ago, he was sitting in the dressing room with Yugyeom and Jinyoung, waiting for the rest of the guys to finish getting their makeup and hair done. He was playing a couple of games on his phone when he decided to scroll on Instagram and Twitter for a little while when he stumbled across of a few negative posts that crawled under his skin.

Being a KPOP idol had its perks; he got to do what he loved, making music, writing songs, touring and traveling around the world, meeting new people and learning of their cultures and getting to perform on stage in front of thousands of their fans alongside his six best friends. Unfortunately, pros also came with cons. With the large amount of love he received all around the world, he also got a lot of unnecessary hate. He never understood what he did to be hated so much.

Mark was a very kind-hearted, soft-spoken, generous, humble and hardworking person. Sure, he might not have been the best rapper in KPOP, but he gave his all in each and every one of his performances, practices, recording sessions and even when it didn’t have to do with the music; whether it was modeling or being on a reality tv show, he made sure to try his best in order to please everyone he was around. That’s all Mark really wanted to do, but it just wasn’t enough for some people. To the people who weren’t fans of him, if he was too generous, they would consider it as him showing off his wealth and social status.

There were so many different organizations Mark would donate to and speak up for to show his support but so many antis would claim he was doing it just to look good to the public. However, once he went silent to stop all the loathing and hatred, people called him stingy and claimed he didn’t care about others. These days, it seemed as if Mark was the main target for hate within their group and that says a lot seeing as how Got7 were constantly hated on and ridiculed on a daily basis for no reason at all. Whenever something like this happened, his members would constantly tell him to stay away from social media and told him that all the negative people were just jealous of what an amazing person he was.

Normally he would do quite the good job with ignoring the hate, and the rumors that were made up about him that made no actual sense at all; but for some reason there was one comment about how Got7 would be much better off without Mark in the group because apparently “Mark doesn’t do anything to really help the groups success in any way.” Or so the comment read. He tried his best to ignore it and he wanted to find something to take his mind off of the comment, but he couldn’t.

Not even the funny video Yugyeom showed him could prevent him from overthinking and he really didn’t want to show that he was bothered to the other members. As much as he loved them like family, the last thing he wanted to hear was to ignore the hate which is what they always told him. One can only ignore something so much until it actually eats away at them to the point where they feel like screaming and since Mark wasn’t in a place where he could verbally or physically let out his frustrations, he excused himself from the room and walked throughout the arena looking for a quiet and empty place to call the only person he knew that could calm him down.

The only person whose been on his mind and clouding up his thoughts for the last two months since the tour started. Mark considered every single member of Got7 to be his best friend; from day one the seven of them have been through so much together. So many ups and downs, so many trials and tribulations that only made them stronger as individuals and a whole group. Each member had their own way of cheering Mark up; whether it was Jackson making silly jokes, Jinyoung reciting lines from a show he was acting in, Youngjae bringing coco over for Mark to play with her or BamBam buying him a bunch of luxurious items because in his words “a little Gucci never hurt nobody.”

However, the only person who could really get Mark out of the deepest funk was you. You, in more or less words were the only other best friend Mark had apart from his members. He told you every single secret, worry, doubt and insecurity he had because he trusted you with his entire being. On the fateful day the two of you met over a year and a half ago, Mark knew you were going to be someone special in his life and that was an understatement. If he was being honest, you were his entire life; Mark never believed in soulmates before meeting you.

The idea of two people out of the billions of people in the world being destined together was so cliche and he didn’t understand why so many people would claim they met their soulmate. As the days went by and he spent more and more time with you, Mark realized that he got more than he bargained for when he became friends with you and that’s when he knew he was in trouble. Your relationship with Mark was hard to explain; for the first few months, you found confidants in one another. He was your escape from reality just as much as you were his. When your education and work got too much for you to handle, Mark would do whatever he could in his power to get you to focus on better things. Further down the line of being friends, it then blossomed in to something more. Even when Mark was still getting to know you, he found himself developing a little crush on you, but it was inevitable.

You had a beauty that Mark couldn’t even put in to words to describe. He may have been surrounded with so many beautiful idols, actresses and models on a weekly basis, but there was just something; actually many things about you that stood out from everyone else. Mark was sure he’d be able to spot you in a crowded room because his eyes were always looking for you and because you just radiated such a positive and spirit lifting energy that was so contagious. He always wanted to be around you. Around four months in to your friendship, Mark confesses his feelings for you, but he knew he couldn’t act on them. Dating was taboo in the KPOP industry and most idols who were in relationships did their best in hiding it.

There was nothing Mark wanted more than to be the lucky guy you called yours, but it was selfish of him to want to take things further with you knowing that he’d be holding you back from so many things. And it wasn’t like the two of you could have a normal relationship. He wouldn’t get to take you on all these cute dates he was sure you wanted to go on, he wouldn’t get to post about you nor would you be allowed to post anything about him, he couldn’t hold hands, hug you, hold you and kiss you unless it was behind closed doors.

He wouldn’t be able to give you the love and attention you deserved and never failed to show him every single day and that’s what bothered him the most. You were so close, yet so far away and Mark was afraid that you’d get tired of being just friends with him and decide that you didn’t want to wait around for him. Especially since you requited his same feelings and made it aware that you were willing to do whatever it was that he asked of you. You were aware of how hectic his life was and you had a feeling a relationship would be something he wouldn’t be able to give you and you respected it completely.

As long as you had Mark in your life, it didn’t matter what he was to you. But you were only human. You were still so young and had a great head on your shoulders. You had so much going for you yet you were always at his beck and call whenever he needed you. To both his delight yet dismay, you were willing to drop anything and everything for him. While he was away, you’d wake up in the middle of the night to talk to him and stay up till the wee hours of the morning to listen to him talk about his day even if you had an early morning shift or class.

When he got sick, you’d pick up some medication and make some soup to help him feel better. If you were out with friends or colleagues and he asked to hang out, you’d give them some lame excuse and made your way over to him. Mark could never come up with the right words to say to show you and tell you just how much you meant to him and how afraid he was to lose you. All he could do, was show you through his actions; his gentle kisses on your cheeks, your forehead and your lips, how he would always need to be touching you whenever the two of you would spend time together, the way he would always check up on you to make sure you’ve eaten all your meals and that you were taking good care of yourself and doing all these little things for you like blowdrying your hair for you when you were too tired or helping you study for an exam even if he had no clue what he was reading.

He could only hope you understood his nonverbal signals of love. Being on tour was always so fun; it seemed as if more fans came out with every new tour and tonight in London, there were at least 40,000 people at the Wembley stadium waiting for Got7 to perform. Over the years, his nerves slowly calmed down and performing on stage was such an indescribable feeling that he was so grateful for being able to do. The only thing he hated about touring, was being away from you.

Mark made sure to FaceTime you whenever he got the chance, but it wasn’t the same as seeing your breathtaking smile and contagious laughter that he loved so much in person. He’s asked you to go along with them many times, but because you were a full time student with a full time job, and Mark’s company didn’t think it would look good for some random girl to join them on tour and follow them around the world, you stayed back in Korea. As the phone line kept ringing, anxiety built up in his chest the longer he waited. He checked his phone to see what time it was in Korea and he let out an exasperated sigh.

It was currently six in the morning and since Mark knew your schedule like the back of his hand, there was a chance you were either getting ready for school or for work and he tried his best not to be upset. Just like how his work was his main priority, you had every right to make your studies and your work ethic your main concern. However, you had a tendency to put Mark at the top of your priorities and sometimes he wished you didn’t think so highly of him. He wanted to give you the same amount of attention and praise you’ve shown him over the years and you were his second main focus right after his job.

He hated putting you second, he was sure you must’ve loathed having to be his second priority but you never complained nor would you make it known that it bothered you and Mark didn’t know what higher power it was that brought you two together nor did he know what he did to deserve someone so patient and understanding, but he would do it time and time again if it meant having you in his life for as long as he possibly could. With one more sigh, he began walking back towards the corridors where their waiting room was located when he felt his phone vibrate. He didn’t even miss a beat, once he saw your name on the screen he answered and he didn’t care how desperate he sounded. He was sure he didn’t have much time to talk to you, but it didn’t matter. All Mark needed was to hear your voice and he knew he’d feel so much better.

“Hey baby, I’m sorry I missed your call. I was washing my face and brushing my teeth. Aren’t you going on stage here soon? Is everything okay?”

Just hearing your soft little giggle through the speaker was enough to get him to forget of his problems and all he focus on was the sound of your gentle and extremely soothing voice. The term of endearment made him feel even more giddy and he was sure if the guys were to see the effect that you had on him, they wouldn’t let him live it down.

“Yeah I just—I just wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry if I’m bothering you, I just really miss you. That’s all.”

By the hesitant tone of his voice, you could tell there was something more that he wasn’t telling you, but you weren’t going to pry at him. You never forced mark to go in to detail about what was worrying him and wanted him to confide in you at his pace. But you hated knowing that something was currently on his mind not knowing exactly what it was. Even if Mark was a couple of years older than you, you always felt the need to protect him from any evil. His happiness and well being was all you ever cared about and sometimes you’d put it before your own.

“I miss you too Mark and you’re never a bother, you know that. You know if something is wrong, you can tell me right?”

Although you couldn’t see him, you could tell he was nodding in agreement. The two of you had a mutual understanding; you’d wait for each other to find solace in one another but when you did, you’d let it all out. “I know, thanks y/n. I read something so shitty earlier, but hearing your voice makes it all the more better. Don’t worry about me babe, I’m okay. I’m sure the guys are probably looking for me. I’ll call you after the show, have a nice morning and don’t forget to eat a hearty breakfast. I’ll talk to you soon love.”

Once you both said your goodbyes, Mark felt energized and ready to go on stage. He didn’t think it was possible for someone to change him for the better but here you were, making his heart feel as if it was about to bust out of his chest and he never wanted that feeling to go away. As soon as he made his way back to the dressing room where all the guys were dressed up and waiting for him, they were all confused seeing the huge grin on his face after he left so abruptly as if something was wrong; but none of them were going to question it. They were all aware of who you were to Mark and all six of them approved of you.

They loved the effect you had on the eldest boy; they loved the way you made him laugh and smile on his darkest days. You were the light Mark needed and they knew you were put in his life to save him from himself. Once they all walked out onstage and heard the thousands of screams and chants echoing throughout the arena, anything that was bothering Mark no longer mattered to him. All he could think about was making the fans happy, putting all his energy in to each and every song they performed and getting to call you again later. The concert went off without a hitch and honestly it had to be one of the best concerts they’ve done since they started touring.

For the rest of the week, Got7 finished the Europe leg of the tour and as much as Mark loved exploring the many different cities, trying the different foods they had to offer and taking a well deserved rest from all his other work, he couldn’t wait for the two week break the guys were allowed back in Korea. He couldn’t find it in himself to sleep the night before, he was just so excited to have you in his arms again and he came up with the plan to surprise you about coming home earlier than expected. Everyone seemed to know of Mark’s plans because as soon as they landed, they hailed him a taxi and gave the driver your address which he was extremely grateful for. While he was away, he’d find himself overthinking your relationship.

He wanted—no, Mark needed to set things straight between the two of you. Even if you told him that you were willing to wait for him for as long as he needed you to, humans could only be patient for so long and he was afraid you’d find somebody while he was away. Somebody who could take care of you in ways Mark could only wish he’d be able to. Somebody who would love you freely; out in the open without having to worry about a rumor breaking out. Somebody worthy of all your love and admiration.

It was late when they arrived back and he could only hope you didn’t log on to social media and saw that Got7 were back in Korea. He quickly stopped by a cute little hole in the wall florist shop and purchased you a dozen of your favorite flowers. No matter how jet lagged he was from the ten hour flight and how much he wanted to go to sleep, the desire and urge to hold you in his arms was stronger than any exhaustion he felt. He knew he should’ve texted you to ask what you were doing in case you were out to dinner with your friends, but he was just too excited to finally see you that it slipped his mind that there was a chance you weren’t home.

As soon as he buzzed your doorbell, there was an odd feeling that crashed over him and he couldn’t put his finger on it. However, once you opened the door and he saw you dressed so prettily, the numbness he felt in his chest only grew more.

“Oh my God—Mark! What are you doing back so early?!”

You didn’t give him any time to answer before you practically jumped on him; wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. You began leaving chaste kisses on the sides of his face and finally left a sloppy kiss on the corner of his mouth before jumping down.

“Hello to you too baby. I wanted to surprise you. God y/n, I’ve missed you so much.”

You looked up at him with an adoring look in your eyes before cupping his cheek. These last three months without him was just as hard and if not more difficult on you than it was for him. Mark had all his members, friends, staff, family and fans by his side but all you really had was him. Although he never failed to lean on you whenever he needed to, you didn’t want to bother him and handled most of your problems by yourself. Even if he told you to tell him when something wasn’t going your way; you just never wanted to burden him. Just getting a text of encouragement was enough to help ease your negative thoughts.

Seeing him, with his fluffy, brown hair down to his neck, his face more healthier and fuller than the last time you’ve seen each other and his biceps more prominent, it was an overwhelming feeling and you had a hard time believing he was actually back and at your apartment.

“Mmm, I missed you too handsome. Let’s get you settled in. Did you eat? Are you hungry? You look exhausted Mark.” You reached for his hand as he held the bouquet of flowers under his arm and dragged in his luggage with his free hand. Since you were ahead of him, you didn’t get to see the way his cheeks turned bright pink at your sudden movement. He was so whipped for you. Once you walked in to your living room, he was quick to notice the box of chocolates on your coffee table and the flowers in a vase sitting on your counter. There was that weird feeling again and he was soon growing curious with what exactly it was that seemed to be eating away at him. You had him take a seat on the couch as you hurriedly brought his luggage in to your room and made your way back to him.

“I uh—these are for you.” You gave him a toothy grin; excited at the idea of him thinking to stop by somewhere and get you flowers. The soft peck on his lips was your token of appreciation and you walked in to your kitchen to find another vase to put his flowers in. Although he felt as if he could practically knock out right there, he got up from the couch and walked over to you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his chin on top of your shoulder. You’ve always adored the height difference between you and Mark. You weren’t the shortest person ever, but you weren’t blessed with height. You shivered at the feeling of him pressing a kiss against your neck and leaned back in to his chest to give him more access to your nape.

“Where’d you buy the flowers from?” When he felt you tense up at his question, he knew something was up and he had a gut feeling he wasn’t going to like the answer.

“I just came back from a double date—but it’s not what you think. One of my coworkers really likes this guy, but she didn’t want to go out with him on her own just yet so she asked me to tag along with her. Honestly she’s been trying to set me up with all these guys but I’ve told her I’m unavailable more times than I can count on my hands. I think she used that as an excuse for me to go out on a date, but I really wasn’t interested. He gave me these flowers and those chocolates, but I didn’t really give him any of my attention and if I’m being honest, the entire thing was so awkward and I gave an excuse to leave early. I’m glad I did though.”

You were facing him at his point and ran both your hands through his hair. So that’s why you were all dolled up; Mark knew he wasn’t overreacting for no reason. You just came back from a date. It didn’t matter that your friend set you up, for all he knew you could go on multiple dates and he couldn’t do anything about it. The two of you were untitled. He didn’t have the right to stop you from looking for a genuine relationship. All he could do was hope and pray that the feelings you harbored for him were enough to get you to stick around.

The way his brows furrowed made you nervous and you didn’t think he cared for you in that way to get bothered at the idea of you seeing someone else. You and Mark may have acted like a couple, but because he wasn’t able to be in a relationship nor did he make it verbally known that he wanted to be one with you, you didn’t think it was possible for him to grow jealous at the thought of you dating someone else.

“I see. Have you been on any other dates? Met anyone worth your while?”

“No. Just the one tonight. Why would I look for anyone else when I have you Mark? Or I mean—actually I don’t know what I mean. I’m not yours and you’re not mine yet I’m holding on to this tiny little thread and the little voice that’s telling me to not give up on us but I don’t know what you see me as; for all I know I could just be a friend you kiss every now and then just because you can’t have anything to serious. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me and that I’m fine with being stuck in this untitled relationship knowing that I want more, but all I care about is you. I know it’s hard for you to live a normal life and I just wanted to give you whatever it is that you need. I’m sorry, I talk too much—“

When you felt a teardrop fell on your cheek, you hesitantly looked up at the older boy and felt a pang to your chest at the sight of his lip quivering as tears were building up at his eyelids. Everyone and anyone who knew Mark was well aware of how sensitive he could be and it was a trait of his you genuinely appreciated. It showed that he had such a big heart. There were moments where he would cry watching a sad video or movie and you’d always smile softly to yourself at how adorable he was. But now, seeing him cry and having a feeling that you were the reason made your head spin. He brought his hands down to your waist and lifted you up on to the counter before connecting your lips together in a rough and extremely passionate kiss.

You and Mark might have shared quite a few kisses in the last year, but this was the first time his lips smashed and melded against yours perfectly. His lips were chapped and tasted salty from his tears, but it didn’t matter. He all but gently forced his tongue in to your mouth and down your throat and although the feeling was foreign, you could find yourself getting used to this. All too soon, he pulled his lips away and placed his forehead against yours, earning himself a soft whimper from the absence of warmth. He began gliding his thumb along your thigh while lifting your chin up so that you were making eye contact with him.

“I’m sorry y/n, I’m so fucking sorry for having to put you through all of that for the last year but I’m so grateful for each and every single sacrifice you’ve made for me. You’re way more than just a friend to me baby, I thought it was obvious with the way I have to constantly be kissing these pretty lips of yours and the way I always need you around. If you were just a friend, I wouldn’t be calling you and checking up on you every day. You wouldn’t be on my mind the first thing when I wake up and right before I go to bed and I know it’s my fault for not telling you how I feel but I’m telling you now, I’m crazy about you. I was always yours y/n, always. You mean everything to me y/n and you know what? I love you. I love you so much y/n and I plan on loving you for a very long time. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, I don’t care about the repercussions or what punishment I get for this, but please be my girlfriend. I’ll do anything to be yours completely.”

With the way he was looking at you, as if you were the one who set the entire universe in to the sky, you were putty in his hands. You never said it out loud, but this is what you’ve wanted from the time that Mark stumbled in to your life. Because you were afraid to come off too forward and selfish, you didn’t tell him that you’d daydream of the day he could finally be able to date you without having to worry about what people or say or do if and when they were to find out. You pulled him closer to your body and hid your face in the crook of his neck. Feeling his heartbeat against your chest made it harder for you to keep the growing smile on your face at bay. You really did love the beautiful boy in front of you.

“I love you too Mark. I’ve always had these feelings for you and I know they’re not going anywhere. You really are one of the best things that ever happened to me. I want nothing more than to take things further with you. It’s always been you too baby. I’m always going to be here for you.”

He stole a couple more kisses from the corner of your mouth before picking you up from off of the counter and throwing you over his shoulder. “Mark, what are you doing?!”

“You can’t look that amazing and not expect me to show you exactly what you do to me. I’m gonna make love to my beautiful baby.”

“Mark! At least take me to dinner first before getting in to my pants you ass.”

He playfully slapped your butt before making his way toward your room. “You know babe, our relationship was never normal to begin with so there’s no point in following the rules. I like living dangerously. Forget dinner y/n, I’m going straight for dessert.”

Oh, here I go down that road Again and again the fool rushin' in But I can't help when I feel some kind of way Do you feel the same? 'Cause And I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest I fall for you

Love you gonna get hold on me Tell me what you gonna do to me Now you've gone and got your hands on me Tell me what you gonna doAnd here I go down that road Again and again the fool rushin' in But I can't help when I feel some kind of way Do you feel the same?'Cause I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest Yeah, I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest And I fall for you

#got7 imagines #got7 #mark tuan #mark tuan imagines #mark tuan fluff

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tellywoodtrash · 4 years ago

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immj2 30.11.20 lb

ok we’re just gonna skimmmmmmmmm through the first half of the ep coz i really do not care about the shaadi ceremony; i’m just here for the drama once V arrives.

varmalas exchanged.

i am really feeling for dadi. she’s literally dying from sad.

some gloating from this fuck. (SOMEONE TELL ME WTF HE SAW IN THE CONTAINER HOUSE AND WAS LIKE OHHHHHHHH TOH YEH HAI TUMHARA PLANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.......... DID HE SEE V???? DID HE OFFER HIM $$$$$$ TO SWITCH OVER TO HIS TEAM???? WHERE IS ALL THIS OVERCONFIDENCE COMING FROMMMM?????????)

dadi is jhoolofying between stage 2 and 3 of grief, and this fucker is like do kanyadaan no pls. sau jootein naa maaruuun mein isko dadi ko itnaaa pareshaan karne ke liye?????

anyway fwd fwd fwdddddddddddd.

mangalsutra time and lol........... mangalsutra is missing.

growled threats to riddhima, ki i’ll burn this fucking house down and then uske raakh se tumhare maang mein sindoor bharoonga. which again, is a concept taken from naagin 5. Y’ALL NEED TO BE SITTING AT THE OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE CLASS, SINCE YOU CAN’T STOP COPYING YOUR SHIT OFF OF EACH OTHER.

ishani isn’t noticing, but riddhima is actually throwing her the tiniest grateful smile. god i wishhhhhhhhhh they were teamed up, they’d be sooooooo damn formidable together!!!!!!!!

“good job, ishani!”

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WE STAN THIS KANJI EYED KHURAFAATI COUPLE WHO WON’T STAND FOR ANY FUCKERY WITH VANSH BHAI. BADA MAZZAAA AAAYEGA AB SE INKE SCENES MEIN.

kabir paid off the shady panditji who’s like ok no issues kal tak pehna dena mangalsutra.

phera time.

this b never fated to have a shaadi with her consent. how does someone get into this situation not once, but TWO (2) wholeass times?????? at this point, you have got to realise that the problem is YOU.

AAKHRI FUCKING PHERAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

god knows what she threw in the fire but as the song goes..........

sis poori taiyyaari ke saath aayi hai. had tucked in one of her 3000 zeher ki sheeshis into her lehenga/kafan. taking a shot like she’s at her bff’s bachelorette party.

aaaaaaaaaaaaand.........................

“the fuck is going on in this house?????”

isski batteeesi toh dekho. lmao. too cute. she gets such few opportunities in this show to smile genuinely, and it’s nice to see her be truly happy in a moment!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS BITCHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! SAAJAN-JI GHAR AAYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(whaddya know????? he coordinated his outfit and everything!!!!!!!!)

poor dadi had justttttttt reached the depression/acceptance part of grief and le.............. naya shock.

also i cannot stop lmao at angreeeeeeee. hahahahahahahaha.

khee khee khee khee. kabir currently hearing this music in his head.

meanwhile riddhima’s internal soundtrack is going.........

asldkfjdlsafldskjfldskjflkdsjlfkjdlsflsdflkjdsl the look he’s throwing at kabirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

kabir:

lmaooooooooooooo riddhima is about to murder V for his shenanigans

“hero ki entry aisi hi hoti hai, riddhima!” lmaooooooooooo. he’s gonna get bitch-slapped for this the moment they’re alone together.

lmao he quickly just hugged her again to shut her up. v. cute moment.

angre is still in shock lmao, i can’t get over it.

once again the Murder Look has been set on kabir. lmaoooooo i really wouldn’t wanna be him rn.

“inspector kabir. vansh raisinghania apni riyaasat mein waapas laut aaya hai. swagat nahi karoge humara?”

can’t deny, there was a lotttttt of swag in this moment.

also riddhima the dumbass stillllllllllllllllllll doesn’t realise even now that this is vansh??????? you can have trained him as much as you want, but THIS WHOLE ~~~~AURA~~~ AND VOCABULARY AND THE VOICE AND THE EXPRESSIONS????? THAT CANNOT BE TAUGHT, MY SIMPLE-MINDED SIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lmao pairrr chooooein dadi ke. 50,000 ka phatka for riddhima, as per rate card. (plus how much ever the 2 hugs would have cost..............)

AW MANNNNNNNN, LOOK AT HIS BABY 🥺🥺🥺 FACE. AND DADI’S HAPPINESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A GENUINELY GOOD MOMENT! THIS IS THE SHIT I WATCH TELLYWOOD FORRRR.

but this bhagwaan talk is not very vansh-y. huh. guess there’s nothing like surviving falling off a 1000 foot cliff to become religious.

I???????????? AM?????????? GENUINELY?????? SO??????? SOFT????????????????????

“yeh kaise ho sakta hai??? poori zindagi mein maine itna daraawana sapna nahi dekha hai!!! aur yeh toh haqeeqat banke aa gaya!!”

snortttttttttttttt. i love itttttttt. I LOVE ITTTTTTTTT.

i got distracted by the fly crawling all over K’s varmaala. reminiscent of the mike pence fly!

“mujhe toh nahi lagta yeh vansh hai. [...] it’s just not possible!”

ASDKDJFSDLKFJLSDKJFLSDJK THE MOMENT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!!!!!!

bhaiiiiiiiiiii has to manaaofy roothi behenaaaa firsttttt. yesssss ishaaaniiiiiii make him work for itttttt. bhai dooj bhi miss kar diya manhoos ne apne dramay karne ke chakkar main!!!!!

lmaooooooooooooooooooooooo kabir’s reaction at his ek hazaaron mein meri behenaaaaa hai getting taken tf back. besttttttttttttt.

“mere chote prince ya princess ka kya haal hai? khayaal rakha uska?”

“jaan se bhi zyaada.”

“par ab aap aa gaye hain. toh thodi careless ho sakti hoon. haina?”

WHEN I TELL YOU I YELLED SO FUCKING HAPPILY AT MY SCREEN AT THIS MOMENT?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!

question about siya. and promise ki ab main aa gaya hoon na, sabbbbbb theek kar doonga. haaaaaaye, old shivaay waali feelings i’m getting yaaaar, when he was Best Big Brother. god, i really love this tropeeeee. yeh waala tellywood set hamesha aise bade bhaiyyon se aabaad rahe!

angre still like wHoo aRe yOu tHo??????

RAM BHARAT MILAAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lmaooooooo vansh turning around to look at chachi and her fakeasssssss

chachi twitter/insta fandom ki awaaz hote hue is like your beardddddd tho :’((((((((( and V is like hospital staff ne hulia bigaad diya. BITCH MORE LIKE IMPROVED IT 1000x. ugh so stinkin hotcutegorgeous you are right nowwwwww.

like this face he made???????? i just cannot standdddddddddddd how fucking good he looks in this ep?!?!!?!?!?

“meri soch se kahin zyaada achche se sambhaal raha hai yeh sabhi ko.” lmao riddhima, you dumbassssssssss. you are just so fucking stupiddddd istg.

lmao his ice cold look at mummy’s fakeassery.

backstory toh plan kii thi in dono ne, lekin riddhima ne itnaaaaa zyaada bhi nahi training dii ke itnaaaa chhaaaaaa jaaaye lol.

sdlkjdslkfjlskdjfldkfjldskjfldskjfldksjfldskfjlkdsjkl time for sexxxyyyyyyyyyyy

i just want someone to look at me with as much lust and mirth as vansh looks at kabir. that’s all i’m asking for.

riddhima looking at this like danggggggg i about to lose both my men. that too, to each other.

asdflkdsjflkdsjflkjdslfkjdslkfjlksdjflkdsjflkdsjflkjdslfkj he literally gave K the european “up yours” gesture while showing him his ghaav. i truly do love V2.0

“shareer ke ghaav bhar lenge, kabir. lekin dil ke ghaav....... zindagi bhar ke liye dard de jaatein hain.”

OMFG THIS DUMBASS STILL DOESN’T REALISE THAT IT’S VANSH?!!?!?!?!?!!? THIS IS LITERALLY THE SAME DIALOGUE *SHE* TOLD HIM THE DAY SHE DISCOVERED RAGINI AND THEY BOTH HAD INJURIES ON THEIR HANDS AFTER HE PUNCHED THE CUPBOARD!!!!!!!!!!!! RIDDHIMA YOU LITERAL DINGDONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

V demanding answers of mummy ki just what this asshole doing in my house, and ishani is just tooooooooo happy to fill bhai in on the goss. lmaooooooo i loveeeee ittttttt!!!!!!!!!

V like hmmmmmmmm seems a little too nicely wrapped up for my liking.

lmao chachi is like oh god if he catches their kaand, then ours is just thaaaaat much easier to find out, and she’s putting in a good word for mummy and K. koiiiiiiiiiiii faayyyda nahi hai. even in the unlikely event that he’s not vansh, photuuuuu dekh ke hi pehchaan gaya tha vihaan ke tum log awwal number ke draamebaaz ho.

kiskoooooooo pattttiiiii padaaaa rahe ho tum log haan???? bhai apna hardware/software/anti-malware sabbbbbbbb upgrade karwaaake aaya hai. aise nahi phasne waala.

chaachi is like IT’S ALL RIDDHIMA’S FAULT! SHE’S THE ONE WHO LET HIM IN!!!!!!!!!!

welp! :) :) :) :)

BEST EPISODE I’VE EVER WATCHED OF THIS SHOW?!?!!?!?!?!? YUP!!!!!!!!!!!! VERY PSYCHED FOR WHAT’S COMING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#ishq mein marjawan 2 #immj2 #immj2 lbs #episode liveblogs

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kittensjonsa · 5 years ago

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When you watch something (not telling you what it is) and it screams Jonsa and won't let you rest until you let it out.. another sub/Dom jonsa fic with Sansa holding the whip this time.

Summary: Sansa has deep seated issues she needs to work on thanks to a recent trauma from being mugged in an alley. But sometimes, it takes more than just therapy. BDSM-ish.

One-shot, I leave the rest to your imagination because I think.. we all have different versions how this could go.. 💦 and unfortunately, I am not a good enough writer to explore these visions and putting them into words lol.

Safe Word

Dove.

Little bird. Those are the words that spring to mind as Sansa sees the forms before her. It is strange, having to fill out forms and giving strangers a piece of her life before she gives all of herself to another. Well, almost.

He did come highly recommended. Sansa looks out the window from the lounge sofa she finds too comfortable to be filling out forms in.

Also, this is a sex club.

“You will keep my details private, right? I mean, I'm here because.. you know,” Sansa's voice trails off, wondering if she should explain at all. The lady with bright purple hair and blonde streaks looks up from Sansa's forms, only to smile at her, subtly hinting how she has encountered many a red-faced first timers like Sansa. Only thing, this time it's different. I'm different. Not like the rest, Sansa mumbles in a small voice in her mind.

“Miss Stark, I can assure you have our strictest confidence. Besides, your therapist made a call earlier this week to let us know about… your case. Don't worry, she didn't say anything, she just asked for Jon to help you. And that's enough for us to know. And, yes this is only between you and us,” the lady assures, the piercing on her lower lip quivering as she smiles again at Sansa.

Oh right, yes. My case.

Sansa nods and glances at the black tinted glass doors behind the counter. Sansa wonders what awaits her, come the day when it beckons.

“We'll give you a call once we've set up your appointment. You'll hear from us in a few days.”

Sansa heaves a sigh of relief and manages a polite grin. “Right, thank you. I'll.. wait for your call then, Miss Val,” Sansa addresses her after a quick glance at the name plate. Val nods and waves her goodbye and calls for the next one in line. Sansa gathers herself and leaves, regretting what fresh hell she had gotten herself into.

The hours ticked by at first when Sansa found herself in bed and staring at the ceiling. When sleep finally came, the nightmares took over. Sansa had tried everything from herbs, to tinctures and sleeping aids. None helped, because none of these, not even the anti-anxiety medication gave her the peace that was robbed from her, one fateful night in an alley. There were so many things Sansa realised, in retrospect, how the night could have gone differently. If she had taken the train instead of walking to the bus stop, if she went home on time instead of staying back an hour later, if she hadn't answered that goddamned phone call from her ex. But it only wrecked her inside and turned her stomach into knots every time she walks down that particular memory lane. Six months later, Sansa still finds herself in her nightmares, crawling in that alley, bruised, battered and mugged.

Seeing a therapist was the last resort. Describing and reliving the experience again was painful but gradually it eased, no longer was Sansa sobbing at the end of a session, thanks to Dr Carr, her therapist whom had provided an outlet Sansa didn't know she needed. Slowly, the sessions grew less arduous. The nightmares lessened somewhat though haven't ceased completely. Perhaps it was only thing that caused great concern, seeing what little sleep she'd been getting. Six months since a deep, restful sleep, Sansa recalls.

“There's a deep anger that needs to be resolved. Pure rage that I feel needs to be addressed here, Sansa. As someone, I think, who rarely expresses such an emotion, I can imagine this must be quite difficult for you,” Dr Carr suggests, tapping the end of her pen onto her notepad. Sansa sighed as she brushes off some imaginary fluff from her skirt.

“Might I suggest something? You might think this is quite strange but I feel it can be freeing for you. It's.. an acquired taste and you don't have to if you don't want to but perhaps you may want to consider letting all this anger out? On someone.. who is willing?”

Sansa raises her eyebrow at the 'willing' part. “You mean find someone to beat up?”

A wistful tilt of the head tells Sansa only one thing. “I don't recommend this method to anyone but I feel that you, Sansa, will find that it helps. I'll write down the address so you can decide for yourself. Now, before you say anything, I'd like you to approach this with an open mind. As open as you can possibly be.”

“What is it that you suggest, Dr Carr? I'm all ears.”

An address with a name. Jon Snow. Château Noir. Sansa answers back with a questioning glance. Sounds mysterious. Another therapist? Am I that hopeless?

“He's highly recommended. I heard of him from someone in my circle. He does… very particular work. And he has helped one of my former patients it seems, last I heard. So, moving forward.. I think you might want to try him.”

To do what exactly? This is uncharted territory. Sansa's mind wanders off to the darkest bits she was brave enough to muster.

“He's.. a provider of services for a small part of the community, whom I suppose require an outlet for their.. inclinations.”

Sansa's eyes widens at the statement and Dr Carr quickly adds, “Please, bear in mind that I do not in any way think that you have such inclinations but rather, been pushed against your own free will to a corner you no longer have space to move in. And it is affecting you more than you can cope. Am I right to say that? And I think one of the ways we can break out of that space.. is to face it head on, in a safe and controlled environment. I heard he's very professional. Would you at least think about it?”

Seven o'clock. As always, she is on the dot. Sansa fidgets with her jacket, hoping she was properly dressed for .. her meeting. A good sized room filled with contraptions Sansa thought she'd only seen in movies. The kind with mediaeval torture segments. Sansa quickly realises how this was probably a bad idea. But she had paid for it, that and also not wanting to face a disappointed Dr Carr, after the arrangements she had made.

Together, they both had made good progress; this is just a step further, she thinks. Still, torture devices aside, it was a cozy room otherwise for conversation if nothing happens. If she doesn't want anything to happen, that is. Sansa finds some small comfort how the lighted candles seem to brighten up the otherwise dim room, and a soft scent lingers in the air. Sandalwood? Rose? Sansa tries to guess, occupying herself while waiting.

The door creaks. A head of inky black curls and a boyish smile greets her. Sansa gasps. He isn't at all like how she imagined. And good-looking. Dr Carr didn’t mention that.

“You must be Sansa Stark. From Dr Carr's office?”

Sansa nods and gingerly reaches out to meet his hand. She quickly looks away, out of courtesy. Perhaps also out of shyness and embarrassment. Quite the impression, and straight to business.

The harness strapped across his broad sinewy shoulders and chest made her jaw drop. And the crotchless leather trousers. Good thing he has briefs on, as Sansa's eyes dart back to the floor.

“Nice to meet you. I'm Jon Snow. And I'll be your sub tonight. At your service, whatever you need.”

Sansa sucks in a deep breath and blinks at the sight before her. All right no conversations then. Willing party. For fuck's sake, get over yourself and get it over with.

“Umm.. okay. Right.. oh, do you have.. a safe word?” Sansa remembers to ask, putting her bag down and removing her stifling jacket. He smiles again, his eyes shining in the poor light of the room. They gleam with anticipation. Somehow, Sansa had a feeling he had been waiting for her arrival, the moment she stepped into his lair. His castle. Strangely, not an ounce of fear filled her body, but something else entirely. Something hot and heady, as her breathing quickens.

“Well, thank you for asking. I do have one. It's.. crow.”

Sansa watches him slide across the room to a standing handle bar that stood chest high. A pair of shackles sit ominously on the handle, waiting to clamp on the next poor soul.

“Okay. But.. hold on. Don't you want to ask me questions? Sorry this is my first time, I don't know how this works,” Sansa apologizes as Jon stands behind the handle bar.

“Ahh, yes of course. But later, if you'd like. Sometimes, thinking about it, hampers.. the process. I know it is your first time. Don't worry, I'll lead you into it. Just.. tell me what you want to do, how do you feel and why you're here. At least that gets the ball rolling, no?”

“Well.. well-I'm here because I need to let some anger out,” Sansa stammers, suddenly feeling very large, self-conscious and awkward.

“Okay.. and why are you angry? Did someone take something from you?” Jon prods, his voice and tone as soothing as Dr Carr's.

“Yes.. yes. And he hurt me... He beat me. He left me for dead in an alley.. I had to crawl home, no one helped me..”

Jon keeps quiet as he watches Sansa, his heart slightly heavy. Poor girl. All the more she needs this, he thinks.

Sansa stops, the rage Dr Carr was talking about had finally reared its head. Ugly and snarling and all Sansa wanted to do was to smash its head in. Indeed, this is exactly what she needs.

“Well then, Mistress. Shall we begin?”

Sansa looks up from the floor and sees Jon already shackled to the handle bar.

And a loosely coiled whip hanging at one end.

---

Note: Dr Wendy Carr is a character who is a psychologist on Mindhunter and I adore her (and aspire to be like her one day). So much so that she deserves a place in my fics lol. Sorry, she's not an oc 😂 if you're wondering.

#jonsa #jon x sansa #jonsa fic #crossover insert #i had to write this for some reason #it wrote itself tbh i just typed #modern jonsa au #male sub female domme

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sandalaris · 4 years ago

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For the writer asks: 5, 10, 17, 22, 23, 30, 45, & 54!! :D

Finally getting around to answering these XD

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.

I read so much I feel like I can’t narrow it down. My favorite author is Ilona Andrews but they write almost exclusively in first person and have their fair share of action in their novels that I don’t think they’re that much of an influence on me. I’m trying to think of who I read that did the whole “people usually feel a mix of emotions over just one” thing that I know I’ve adopted, but I can’t think of who it is. (I can think of an author, who I do love the books of, who did the opposite and I found myself always confused about a character was supposed to be feeling/thinking and they probably influenced me to not do that, but I do like their books and that seems too much like I’m trying to be negative about them.)

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about.

If I got to pick anyone, it’d be Marissa Meyer who wrote the Lunar Chronicles. It would be for one novel/novella, because I feel like the Lunar Chronicles has one more sort of side story in it and would want so badly for it to fit what the author has already written. If you haven’t read the series, it’s basically a retelling of various fairy tales just set in the future, like Cinderella has a metal prosthetic foot that keeps falling off and Rapunzel is a hacker living in a satellite orbiting earth. Everything is set up to perfectly fit a Beauty and the Beast side-story. Genetically altered super soldiers who are big and hairy and given animal aggression and had all their teeth surgically replaced with fangs for failing to pass a test as a child? Check! Now all we need is to write a story about the bookish daughter of a geneticist who gets blackmailed into staying with the “beast” and slowly learns that there’s a man inside of the monster and ends up figuring out how to reverse some of the alterations (because we already got the “I love him just as he is, fangs and all” thing from Scarlet and Wolf so we can have a little “curse breaking” this time around.) It can be set post-series, when some of the wolf-soldiers ran off and disappeared into various countries.

I once co-write a novel with my best friend about an evil warlock who fell in insta-love with a ditzy elf and spent the rest of the novel trying to avoid her so he could dodge his fate of retiring from villainy like his father and grandfather before him. He was determined to be the one villain in his family who actually went through with his evil master plan, dammit! It was a comedy, and kind of a spoof since we were at that age where romance novels were the thing to make fun of, but it still ended with him deciding he could do evil masterminding later and running off with the elf. What can I say, we were like twelve.

17. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

Eek, the problem with averages is that any sort of outlier knocks everything else off, and I have a lot of outliers, lol. I go through writing spurts, sitting down and all but knocking out an entire chapter/one-shot in one sitting followed by days where I won’t even open a word document. And then there’s sort of my inbetween times where I’m usually typing away on something, but it’s more editing than actual writing, so maybe 100 or so new words might get written, but what I’ve previously written looks better by the end, lol. This has been the norm especially lately with school and work taking up the majority of my time. And then it hits me and I just need to let the story flow out of me? Between 2k-5k a sit down session.

22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you?

I don’t really do true drafts. I write, I edit, I post, and then I suddenly see all my typos. On the rare occasion editing doesn’t fix the issue, I might cut the scene into chunks and sort of look for the line(s) that don’t fit and start branching off from there (like maybe someone’s acting out of character *glares at current chapter* and I just needed to look at it in smaller incriments to see where they started to veer off). Only once have I ever just completely reworked the extremely extremely rough draft I had written, but that was an original work I did for Nano and so was more concern with getting words on a page than editing as I go.

I suppose editing could count as a second draft, so two? Maybe three? What is considered One Editing? If I leave off and come back, is it an all new edit/draft, or am I picking up where I left off?

23. Single or multi POV, and why?

Nine times out of ten I seem to veer towards single, although I’ve had some fun with multiple POVs before.

Not really sure why. Maybe I just find it easier to burrow into one person’s headspace and go from there? I know there are times when I want to jump to another character for one specific scene, but I always feel like I’m already committed to telling things from the one character’s POV. Or maybe I just like the limited narrator thing.

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.

Err.. I don’t know that I have one. How about a line I rather like? This is from a kind of Amaru/Brasa fic (kinda sorta. He’s got that whole mix of love and hate and resentment and worship thing going on, and she has her own twisted attachment to him) set in those six months between seasons. These lines are from a moment where Kate surfaces and Brasa fantasizes about taking out some of his resentment of Amaru on Kate. (He never actually physically harms her, Amaru would never allow someone to mark her vessel simply because its hers, but he likes to imagine.)

He thinks about wide green eyes looking up at him with fear, filling with tears as she whimpers out a “Please.” Imagines pressing a hand to her shoulder, pressing down down down until she’s kneeling before him, trembling as he cups her jaw, forcing her head back. He wants to press his thumb to the plump swell of her bottom lip, dig his nail in until the blood, her soul, comes to the surface. Filling the flesh with color until it spill across her chin in a vibrant slash.

and to give you an idea of how Kate is handling Brasa’s attempts to take his issues out on her...

He can see the muscle at the hinge of her jaw tighten, hear the harsh edge of every exhale, as she turns to look up at him mere inches away.

“My name,” she clips, “is Kate.” She bites off the last, harsh sound, almost snapping her teeth at him.

45. Worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

I’m trying to think of actual feedback and not just like angry comments/reviews from people who didn’t like my fics (which tbh I haven’t gotten that much of because people aren’t generally that big of a dick to leave flames on fics these days.)

Someone tried to tell me that a character dropping the f-bomb was unnecessary and jarring and I should remove it from one of my fics. And hey, to each their own, but I personally felt it fit both the character (who cursed in canon) and the story and so kept it in. People certainly can write great literature without every putting down a single curse word, but there’s also great stories that wouldn’t be the same without a bit of foul language. What bugged me most about it was their insistence I should remove it.

Besides that the only other bad feedback I’ve gotten (besides obvious flames and people not liking the direction I’m going/have gone with a story), was someone who said that my clearly labeled unhealthy relationship fic was romanticizing abuse and they didn’t appreciate the one character manipulating the other character like that. They were actually fairly nice about it (if a bit of an anti about the whole thing), I just remember being a little bugged at the time because I had already tagged it as unhealthy/manipulative.

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

Don’t be afraid to experiment! And in that same vein, try out writing rules and discard them just as quickly if they aren’t for you, because there’s no set in stone way to doing things. Break all the rules if you want, the point is just to write. XD

Thanks!!

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orionsangel86 · 5 years ago

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I'm tired of this discussion about Saileen or Samwena. Why can't be both? I recognize the potential that Sam and Rowena had for a romantic relationship, they really seemed to be going in that direction, and as Rowena said, they'd grown fond of each other. But I also recognize the potential that Sam and Eileen have for a romantic relationship, for reasons that we all saw at s11, s12 and s15. What do you think?

Hi there!

Is this discussion still ongoing? Since I have blocked it all out to be honest and refuse to engage in drama on the topic. But since you asked I will give you my thoughts on the whole Saileen/Samwena thing.

First of all I like your thinking! Why not both indeed! I don’t care for shipping wars but here’s the way I see things. I have never been a “death of the author” kind of person. My whole process for writing meta is what I think the writers and creators of the show are intending to convey when they tell the story that we see. In season 11, Eileen was introduced as a clear love interest for Sam. She has always been portrayed this way even after her untimely death (which I still believe only happened because they didn’t have any other close characters to the brothers at the time to kill off whose actors they could get last minute and whose death would be equally shocking - I know it’s just speculation but it’s my belief). I wrote a long post here about my love for Saileen and how it has been portrayed in the show. I am firmly still a Saileen shipper because it was just perfect from the start, but also I only ever “ship” things that I see within the show as being planted purposely by the creators. I ship Saileen because Saileen has always been a thing ya know? It’s not imaginary and never has been.

However, following Eileen’s death in Season 12, Sam and Rowena’s relationship has been heavily developed on. They bonded over their shared Lucifer trauma, their experiences with fear and their interest in magic. The relationship between them is complex and very much an enemies to friends (to something more?) set up. Sam is canonically Rowena’s protege and now her heir. The mutual respect they hold for each other is clearly noticeable and their destinies tied by fate through Billie’s death books could arguably be considered romantic. Basically, Sam and Rowena as a love story is certainly a dramatic and interesting one that ticks a lot of boxes for a lot of people. I do believe that for a time, the writers flirted with the idea of them as a romantic pairing and that there was clear authorial intent to code their relationship in a romantic way. Especially in seasons 13 and 14. Whilst I never “shipped” Samwena, I guess I saw it the way I see Drowley. I believed that it was being intentionally written with romantic undertones. I was all for it as a romantic pairing, have never been against it, but it didn’t feel me with “feels” either I guess. I love both Sam and Rowena individually, and whether the story took them in a romantic direction or not wouldn’t have bothered me. Had Eileen never come back, I would have squee’d and enjoyed it with the rest of you, even if I wasn’t super invested ya know?

I think a lot of people saw their relationship as romantic after the Billie death book reveal. It was a nice idea that Rowena’s “death” at Sam’s hands might be a metaphorical death where she would choose to give up her immortality for him. (It’s also an idea generally adored by Destiel shippers so it’s not surprising that this was something people got excited about).

Unfortunately this idea didn’t pan out and Sam literally had to kill Rowena. I am one of the people who really loved her death scene, because it felt like a true redemption and moment of empowerment for Rowena. I know that there are people who will disagree with me on that and that is absolutely fine. I guess for me, Rowena making that ultimate sacrifice just felt right for her character journey at that point because true redemption was something she still needed. Rowena was always previously an anti-hero character. She had still done a lot of bad and hadn’t really repented or redeemed herself for the bad she had done in the earlier seasons. She was still generally motivated by selfish desires and still pretty much made decisions for herself, though like Crowley, her respect and care for the Winchesters conflicted with her own selfish motivations and in the later seasons she chose to help them even at risk to herself, which put her well on her way to redemption of course. But this death was her actual redemption. Her true sacrifice, purely selfless deed, in order to not only save the Winchesters, but also the world.

Therefore I see her rise to power again as Queen of Hell as a reward for her sacrifice and redemption. I never believed that 15x03 was the last we’d see of her (too much womb and maternal imagery there). I believe that Queen of Hell is a satisfactory end point for her, having reached her full potential and freeing herself of all the former oppression and bindings that she faced. She is now one of the most powerful beings in the universe along with Chuck, Amara, Billie, the Empty, Eve, and Jack. It’s a position that makes sense for a character who has always desired unlimited power.

I also think that Rowena will continue to be a big player in the story. This definitely isn’t the last we’ve seen of her in terms of fighting the final boss battle, but her position as Queen of Hell I do think will remain a fixed position from here. Though if it isn’t, and the writers have something else wonderful in store for her, I will also be happy with that too.

Given that canonically Sam and Eileen desire and want each other, and are only being separated by Chuck (and look, I’m not gonna get real deep into it, but I felt that 15x09 did go far to stress that whilst Chuck set up the reunion because he wanted “romance” in his story, the feelings, the connection, and everything else between Sam and Eileen is 100% real. Sam textually states that it’s real after all (in a nice and also emotionally destroying mirror to Cas saying the same thing to Dean in 15x02 by the way - Forever a Destiel shipper here :P)) it is logical that Sam and Eileen will reunite and rekindle their romance at some point in a coming episode. I am of the belief that Saileen is probably our endgame here. I don’t think that they would have gone to the trouble to bring Eileen back in the final season, make her a love interest for Sam, only to either kill her off, kill him off, or separate them again and not have them be endgame.

But I could be totally wrong. Could Sam and Rowena still reunite and start a new love connection? Sure it’s possible. Rowena is coming back as well I would put money on it. We don’t know how the show plans to end after all. Who knows, maybe Sam will also sacrifice himself and go to hell and that whole Boy!King dropped story arc from season 3 will finally get picked up again! Sam and Rowena as Queen and consort of Hell could be quite an amusing and somewhat fitting end for them! The two characters who suffered most at Lucifer’s hands taking over and ruling Hell as a big fuck you to their tormentor is certainly poetic.

Maybe Supernatural will go super progressive and send Eileen to Hell too. Maybe the Queen will find herself in a loving polyamorous threesome for the rest of eternity?

Wouldn’t it actually be really fun if Supernatural ends with Castiel choosing humanity, and saying goodbye to his son Jack, who takes over the rule of Heaven, and at the same time Dean chooses to stay on Earth, and says goodbye to his brother (aka son) Sam, who takes over the rule of Hell as consort to the Queen in his new polyamorous relationship with both the Queen and his girlfriend? Dean and Cas live out a happy human life knowing they are the proud parents of the new rulers of Heaven and Hell?!?

Lol. Look I’m just trying to find a compromise here that all Samwena and Saileen shippers can agree on and if there is one thing we can all generally agree on it’s that Dean and Cas need to stay together whatever happens and fuck it out on the map table. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m joking of course. (or am I?!?)

So yeah. I follow people who are passionate Samwena shippers, and I follow people who are passionate Saileen shippers. I consider them all people who I care about and respect. I just want everyone to get along and if a polyamorous love threesome in Hell is how we go about that then I am totally down for that. :D

I haven’t got beef with anyone regardless of who they ship with who unless they plan to start harassing people for holding a different opinion, but I’ve already blocked all those people anyway. It makes for a much easier life. Trust me. :P

#saileen #samwena #destiel #sam x eileen #sam x rowena #sam winchester #rowena #eileen leahy #season 15 #spn speculation #spn meta #witch queen of hell #shipping wars #my thoughts #asks #anon #Anonymous

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earl-of-221b · 4 years ago

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Ok @dorkshadows @frostyemma

Here’s a key for names in Blade of the Immortal rendition of the Ikedaya Affair:

桂小五郎 is Katsura Kogoro.

池田屋 is Ikedaya Inn.

新選組 is Shinsengumi.

萬次 (万次) is Manji, the protagonist (one eye, scarred face, healing powers like Wolverine from xmen. Please be aware that he wears an anti-clockwise swastika on his back invoking its original meaning: a buddhist symbol.)

Warning for Blood and Gore and Dismemberment. Now onto the good parts!

Shinsengumi:

Left to right:

藤堂平助 (Tengtang Pingzhu) is Todo Heisuke: Eighth Unit Captain -- note the fringe, the gi pattern

永倉新八 (Yongcang Xingba) is Nagakura Shinpachi: Second Unit Captain

土方歳三 (Tufang Suisan) is Hijikata Toshizo: Vice Captain

近藤勇 (Jinteng Yong) is Kondo Isami: Captain of the Shinsengumi -- he is shrouded in shadow here

沖田総司 (Congtian Zhongsi) is Okita Souji: First Unit Captain -- very beautiful and feminine

井上源三郎 (Jingshang Yuan-sanlang) is Inoue Genzaburo: Sixth Unit Captain -- an older man

原田左之助 (Yuantian Zuozhizhu) is Harada Sanosuke: Tenth Unit Captain -- very short, cropped buzzcut hair

斎藤一 (Zhaiteng Yi) is Saito Hajime: Third Unit Captain -- note the...long bangs. The fashionable gi. The body-clinging shirt. Very stoic and quiet, keeping to himself.

First 6 chapters are about Manji and sets up plot stuff. Ch 6 onwards deals with the Shinsengumi and Ikedaya.

Chapter 7 Link. Overview:

Prelude to Ikedaya. Vice Captain Hijikata Toshizo (centre, vein in head) leads a strike team to raid a store rumoured to be aiding Ishin Shishi. The team includes Okita Souji (stripy hakama) and two known, real life Shinsengumi spies: 島田 Shimada Kai (big man, mole eye) and 山崎 Yamazaki Susumu (bandana).

In the house, 古高俊太郎 Furutaka Shuntaro and some helpers are indeed moving and stockpiling weapons for the Ishin Shishi. Furutaka is Ishin Shishi. He is arrested.

Later Manji, an immortal man (buddhist swastika) is talking to a friend with wild hair 坂本龍馬 Sakamoto Ryoma (LMAO) who tells him to go visit a fellow Revolutionary: Katsura Kogoro from Choshu (so shook to learn Choshu is 长州).

Furutaka is strung upside down as Hijikata tortures him for ‘information’ (this is apparently true to records).

Manji meets 桂小五郎 Katsura (reading letter).

Chapter 8 Overview:

The Unit Captains of the Shinsengumi come together for a meeting. Kondo addresses the group, they have gotten their hands on some very juicy information thanks to Hijikata. There is some intrigue within the group. Everyone is shocked to hear of the alleged ‘the Ishin Shishi are planning to burn down Kyoto as a distraction’ plan.

(Manga specific plot: evil little doctor girl studying Manji’s immortality.)

Next, another group is also coming together on rare occasion. The Ishin Shishi revolutionaries are introduced arriving at the Ikedaya Inn. People from Tosa Clan, Choshu Clan, Higo Clan. (This is before Sakamoto Ryoma struck a deal between Satsuma and Choshu. Satsuma is still in court as moderate reformists. They are against Choshu and co at this time.)

Chapter 9 casual translation:

The Shinsengumi gear up. They have tips on two inns, they split up to cover both. The two spies are their own group, their go-between.

Inside the Ikedaya 宫部鼎藏 Miyabe Teizo (white beard, moon gi - from Higo) and Katsura discuss their plans in light of the Shinsegumi’s weapons bust. Miyabe was a real life extremist, in here he scorns Katsura for not wanting to burn Kyoto during the Gion festival. The original plan was to take the Imperial Palace while Kyoto burns (never proved if this was real in history, but allegedly, yea).

Katsura makes a vote of non-confidence. “We should not attack the imperial palace because failure is possible. And if we fail we will never heal from the scars of this defeat. The revolution will be over.” “We should not attack, especially since we have lost valuable stores of weapons.”

Miyabe: “Then what does Katsura-kun suggest?” (just worked out right now 君 is kun)

Katsura: “We wait. Tosa’s Sakamoto Ryoma-kun has travelled to Ezo for negotiations and planning. It will not be amiss to wait.” (Ezo today is Hokkaido, North Japan.)

But another man called Yoshida goes: “That’s too benign/ mild. I am from Choshu Clan as well...but I think Katsura-sensei’s reasoning is too compromising/ safe. These mild, half-hearted strategies only get in the way of things that we can achieve when we give it our all. To protect the country, sacrifices are a given.”

(I cannot for the life of me find out who 吉田Yoshida [can’t translate given name] is.) Everyone cheers for Yoshida’s pro-burning, anti-Katsura hot take.

Manji: “Are you dumb or what? Your plan is a mess.” “You love to act on your feelings like thought experiments(?) What an idealistic bunch.”

Miyabe: “How about this, then...we change our plans.”

Pg 12 Miyabe: “We attack the Shinsengumi’s Mibu den. We rescue Furutaka. The likelihood of success is higher.”

Resounding ‘Hell yes! We’re not afraid of no Shinsengumi, good idea’ cries.

Manji: “You guys did not come here to discuss did ya?”

Outside the meeting room, a few guards hear some noise downstairs. Since they are out of booze, one goes to very half heartedly check downstairs and get more booze while he’s at it.

The Shinsengumi arrive. The raid starts.

...

Okita: “Looks like the Ikedaya was the right inn.”

Nagakura: “Alrighty. Let’s go teach’em a lesson.”

...

People come out of the meeting room. “What’s all that noise down there?”

“So freaking noisy!”

Insane Kondo Isami who apparently famously said:

“Routine Inspection!!”

“Shin....shin...SHINSENGUMI!”

Manji: “Ha--ahh??”

Next panels shows the Shinsengumi covering all the exists on the first floor. (Todo Heisuke with the fringe and cross-hatched hakama).

Pg 28 Todo Heisuke wonders about reinforcements that haven’t joined in tonight (not sure who they are.) Okita coughs cos he has tb.

Todo Heisuke: “Are you alright, Okita-sensei? You’ve been coughing quite a lot lately.”

Okita: “I apologise. I’ve made you worry.” “...tonight the condition I’m in can be considered quite good.”

*Equips poison damage to sword.*

“Don't even have the cold tremors of 芹澤先生 Serizawa-sensei.”

(Referring to none another than Serizawa Kamo, the original leader of the Shinsengumi. He historically did not have tb or die of disease though...Kondo’s side initiated a hostile takeover of the Shinsengumi and he was eventually Assassinated under orders from Protector of Kyoto, Matsudaira. Apparently in this version he was not assassinated. Funny of Okita to mention this...)

...

Yamazaki (bandana spy) runs by: “Vice Captain!”

“What is it?”

“It’s the Ikedaya Inn!”

“Confirmed?”

“Yes...about 40 people...including that man with one eye.” (Manji, cos he’s the main character.)

I thought what went on in the Ikedaya was actually quite interesting so translated most of it. The rest is mostly self explanatory, lost of fighting, dismemberment, immortal hijinks.

Chapter 10 and rest of chapters here.

Chapter 10 covers how Katsura famously jumps the window to escape (which got him a bad name for a bit as the window-jumping coward LOL.)

Manji jumps down right in front of Todo Heisuke. But he doesn’t particularly want to kill anyone. Manji himself used to be very skilled with the sword, but since he’s been immortal for more than 100 years he has a pretty low regard for his own bodily wellbeing. Which gives some pretty intense scenes so be warned.

Todo is good with the sword -- but Okita is on another level. Okita is the prodigy of prodigies.

Ch 11-12 Okita v Immortal Manji, Kondo v Miyabe. The Kondo scenes are NOT to be missed! Manji is a great swordsman when he tries, but in what I think is a bold move, the manga makes the point to tell us he is NOT as good a swordsman as Okita. Okita is stronger! Okita is more skilled!

But Manji...cannot die.

The second Shinsengumi group arrive to reinforce the first. Hijikata and Saito are here. Katsura v Shinsengumi foot soldiers. Bakufu soldiers are also called to the scene -- but Hijikata tells them to sod off, this is a Shinsengumi raid and they’ll take good care of it. Manga oc villainesses arrive.

Ch 13-14 also very interesting. Okita has been gored by Manji. Kondo and Hijikata hear that Okita has been injured. This is incredible to them, because Okita is their best swordsman.

Katsura and Manji escape back to Choshu’s estate (can see the Mori Clan mon/crest, one line, three dots beneath it). Katsura, basically: FUCK!! FUUCKK!! Man the doors, no one in or out!” “Today...the Shinsengumi won this one.” “But this...is far from over.”

Kondo petitions the doctor girl to do anything to save Okita. Even okaying super dangerous experimental surgery (this is to do with the wild manga plot where the doctor girl is studying Manji’s immortality -- he’s infested with helpful parasites that mend his wounds called ‘blood worms.’) Doctor girl: organ transplant dangerous. Kondo: DO IT!

If the surgery is successful -- I think Okita is immortal too!!!! BUT if it is unsucessful, Okita will turn basically into a zombie.

(Some VERY Frankenstein-ish horror imagery jump scare when the mad scientists show us what will happen to Okita if the Immorality surgery goes WrongTM.)

Behold, this zombie man, test subject for the blood worm immortality tests is --- 芹澤 Serizawa Kamo. Original leader of the Shinsengumi with a fate worse than death. It looks like the Shinsengumi, or at least Kondo and HIjikata are in cahoots with the mad scientists in some way -- the shadowy villainesses are all on their side. Anyways, the doctor girl works out that Okita’s wound was Not That Bad and he Should Be Dead -- and makes the connection that he was stabbed by Manji.

I think the implication is that Manji unknowingly transferred the blood worms to him through his extremely unhygienic stab. (Need the prior knowledge to know that people with the same blood type are able to accept the blood worm parasites...)

So now Okita might be ~immortal~

Starts off as historically accurate dramatisation for the most part -- then goes into 1864 bakumatsu scifi. You’re welcome.

#blade of the immortal #rurouni kenshin #blade of the immortal: bakumatsu arc #Also -- Dork look up pictures of Kondo isami #He....he literally looked Like That. Wide-faced. Square chin. Big man. He really really looks Like That #frostyemma if there's something you're dying to know screenshot and I'll try decipher what they're saying #this is in traditional chinese which is not my strong suit #at this point Satsuma was still in court and NOT an ally of Choshu #now just imagine this but second Shiinsengumi taskforce arrives on Shinsengumi side #and Choshu allies alerted nearby also arrive on the opposite side #then you can have your rk canon where Saito and Kenshin fight #also #Kenshin is hanging out with Tomoe in these events #rk #Right after this - Katsura goes into hiding #(maybe not in this version...we'll see.)#the way Kondo was portrayed in this ........um???#I was....actually real touched he did that for Okita???#despite him being Like That

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lord-explosion-baku · 5 years ago

Text

Before You Ask...

Here are the FAQs!

Story Status- These are the most frequent asks in my inbox. The “do you plan on continuing this fic?” “When will you update?” “How often do you update?”

📝For frequent updates

✅For complete

⁉️For on hiatus/non frequent updates/not a priority, but not discontinued

❌For discontinued

THORNS-📝 I try to update every two weeks, although my busy schedule might not make this very consistent. I try not to be too strict with myself so I don’t beat myself up over not getting a chapter out in time, although I’ve been liberally very good about it so far.

Tempting Tempest-✅⁉️ I wrote the two parts I knew I was going to write. I might continue the stiry for option three when I have time

Our Love Is God-⁉️I’ll only be writing for this when I have the time. It’s not an obligation and only something I’ll turn to when I’m like “???huh. Got nothing better to do rn!”

RISING SUN- ⁉️ I know. I know I haven’t updated since 2019 and some of you guys really like this story. I like it, too, and I do plan on continuing it, but goodness gracious do I have to be in the right mindset to write this. Like, come on, it’s a fantasy fluff fic with a made up language, it’s not the easiest thing to write. I do have some plot ideas in mind as well, but I don’t have the whole story fleshed out. I will get to it though. Eventually.

Reread Me- ✅ basically this was a request I turned into a fic. The request was for “Yandere!Aizawa x School Nurse!reader, NSFW pls” and that’s what I did. I don’t plan on delving further into this plot. I surely could and will write more of yandere!Aizawa but this story is over, bro.

Like Ghosts In Snow- ✅ This is completed and I don’t plan on continuing it. I might do random off oneshots for the series, but that’ll be on my own accord.

Fate’s Kiss-⁉️

How Not To Marry a Demon Lord-⁉️

Red Scarf-✅ I do have a request for a continuation that I may get to, but for now I’m satisfied with saying that it’s completed.

You’re All Mine-✅ The story ended with the reader going back to Dabi y’all. No mas. It was literally the first thing I ever wrote and I’m happy with knowing that it’s over since it’s pretty much a train wreck lol.

A SWEET BOY-⁉️

DANCING’S NOT A CRIME (UNLESS YOU DO IT WITHOUT ME)-❌ I’m gonna be real, sport. This was a just-for-fun thing I started when I first got into writing. I didn’t expect people to read it, I didn’t expect it to get popular, I didn’t expect it to be anything. When I started it, I didn’t know how quirks worked, so I made the reader an overpowered Mary-Sue. I also had a bit of a direction for the fic at first but then I let my audience influence how things turned out. I started feeling very iffy about the fic and updates became a huge hassle. The last time I updated, even after it was difficult for me to get it out, people made comments about not liking how things were going. I felt under appreciated and this fic became a stab in my chest. Add that in with people complaining and asking so many times when the next update was going to be, I decided that I would be happier if this shit just stopped. Sorry guys. No mas.

THE FOREST- ✅

Yandere Neko!Shinsou- ✅⁉️ As far as I know, it’s done. I could probably write more, but let’s be real, I cursed it by using the term “tiny pants.” Also, no offense but being berated with “part 2? Pt. 2 pls,,,, part 3???” makes me not want to write anything

The Kiss of Death- ✅this was JUST a one shot. Please see rule #9

Rules For This Blog. The “Please Do Not’s”

These are not the Rules For Requests, but some of them are related.

Please do not berate or spam me with the same ask over and over again. I’ve had people cloud my inbox with multiples of “bloop” or “how many followers do you have?” and like??? If I hadn’t answered you the first couple times, I’m not going to answer you the fifth or sixth time. Please be chill. I announce my follower milestones when it’s relevant and your spam becomes my followers’ spam if I answer every nonsensical thing sent my way. I’m sorry if this seems mean.

Please try to keep asks BNHA related seeing as this is a BNHA blog. I’ll answer personal questions, sure, and I’ll partake in some asks games, however, if you want to strike up a conversation, my PMs are open. I’m not always the best at replying but I do try to get to them on my own time!

No transphobia, homophobia, ableism, racism, or religious call outs of any sort. I want this to be a safe space for all people. If I didn’t know something might be ableist or racist or anything of the sort, I would appreciate being informed about it, and regardless of the intent, I’ll have harmful slander removed for the blog.

Please do not ask me to reblog your posts. I’ve been taken advantage of in the past, and I don’t appreciate it.

Please keep overly sexual or sensitive content out of my ask box. I know I’ve written quite a bit of promiscuous and down right nasty shit, but when I do that, I can at least tag warnings and such for people who don’t want to see the big nasty. It’s only respectful to consider my boundaries, as well as the people who follow my blog’s boundaries. If there’s a not safe for work topic you wish to discuss, again, my PMs are open.

No discourse. No cartoon politics. Whether you are pro or anti characters or ships, whatever, those are not topics of discussion I wish to have in this blog.

Do not request when requests are not open??? I’m sorry, but it’s literally in my bio when requests are open. when requests are open, I put it in my bio as well as the “ask” option that requests are open?? Read people’s bios, dude!

I’m really sorry about this one, but no emergency comfort requests. I’ve gotten at least five and my heart goes out to you guys with problems and like,, I want to help but this is seriously stressful to me. I want to help you, I want you guys to be okay, but I can’t be responsible for that. Like, GOD, I want to help you but as soon as I get an emergency comfort ask I’m like?! Full panic mode. I think about writing something, anything, to make y’all feel okay, but then I overthink and I can’t get to it, and then I feel like I’ve failed you. That’s not fair to any of us.

“Part 2 pls.” Listen. LISTEN. OH MY GOD. there’s nothing that compares to working hard on a oneshot, and getting so excited to see someone comment or send in an anon and it’s literally just “part 2 pls”. God. It means a lot that you liked something enough to see more of it but fffff writers are working hard to get this shit out for you for free and “part 2 pls” should not be acceptable. I’m sorry. There are better ways of telling writers that you liked their work enough to see a continuation. Be considerate dude. Also, appreciate ambiguity a little more. Use your imagination. It’s not that hard.

If you do not agree with some of the unconventional things I write, don’t read it?? Get out?? Leave??? Nothing you say to me will sway me away from writing the shit that I want to write. I simply use the characters of BNHA as a medium for the stories I choose to write. They’re fictional, and I do not support a lot of the shit that goes down on my writing, not irl. There’s a difference between fantasy fiction and real life. If you knew who I was in real life, you’d know how angry I am at the disgusting trash in the world. That doesn’t affect my writing though. Writing is a coping mechanism for me. I do my best at tagging the horrible things I might get to in my fics/one shots, so if you’re reading whatever the fuck I’ve done with an intent in being angry??? Take a bath, maybe eat some bread, and think of another way to expend your energy, dawg. I’m going to ignore you otherwise.

#long post #meeps speaks #FAQ

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