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velarisdusk · 1 month ago

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Veil of Frost

Cassian x Reader

Series Masterlist Part 6 <-

word count: 4.3k content: [ emotional conflict, arguing, yelling, name calling, mention of infidelity, explicit language, angst ] summary: A heated confrontation with Cassian uncovers painful truths, forcing both of you to face the devastation of what's been lost. author's note: we made it!! thank you all for reading and replying and asking lots of questions, it really kept my love for this fic up. come november, i'll be working on some requests and also feeling out some ideas for whatever my next series may be :) i hope yall will like whatever i've got in store just as much as you liked breaking the ice :) MWAH much love <3

The silence after his words hit like a bomb going off. The room felt impossibly small, the air too thick, and you could barely breathe through the weight of it all. You stood frozen in the middle of the living room, surrounded by the memories you’d made together, staring at him as the realization of what he had just said settled deep into your bones.

Elain. Right here. On this couch.

Your stomach twisted painfully, bile rising in your throat as your eyes drifted to the sofa, where you’d both spent so many quiet nights wrapped in each other’s arms. Now, the thought of it made your skin crawl, a hand instinctively rising to your mouth as you fought a gag at the thought of having tasted Elain on him.

“Cassian…” Your voice trembled, barely a whisper. “What the fuck did you just say?”

He didn’t answer immediately. Instead, his eyes lingered on you, cold and hard, his posture relaxed, as if daring you to question him further. The cruel glint in his eyes sent a fresh wave of nausea rolling through your body. His hand rested on the doorknob like he was already halfway out, leaving you to suffocate in this mess.

You swallowed thickly, stepping toward him, your legs weak, but your anger slowly rising to meet the despair.

“Cass, answer me,” you demanded, voice rising steadily. You could hear the clock ticking in the corner, the seconds stretching out like hours.

He raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching as if amused by your desperation. Slowly, deliberately, he shrugged—casually, like it was the simplest, most insignificant thing in the world.

“You heard me,” he said, his voice devoid of emotion, just cold indifference. “Elain. Right here.”

His gaze flicked down to the couch, where the two of them had been, where the two of you had been, and back to you as if to drive the knife in deeper. And then with that same nonchalance, he added, “Raw.”

The way he said it, the casual cruelty in his voice, felt like a punch to the gut. You could feel your skin prickle with humiliation, with fury, as the bile in your throat threatened to choke you. He watched you, waiting for you to react, his expression still cold and detached, like he wasn’t talking about something that should’ve destroyed both of you. Like this was just another conversation.

You felt your hand twitch at your side, tempted to grab something—the whiskey glass he left on the counter, the potted plant on the coffee table, anything—but you clenched your fists instead. The pain was so sharp, so overwhelming, but underneath it all, the anger was simmering, threatening to boil over.

“You…” you started, voice trembling but growing stronger with each word, fury building in your chest like a storm. “You’re… disgusting.”

“And you’re a fucking joke,” Cassian snapped, his voice sharp. He didn’t even flinch. He snatched his hand off the doorknob, turning to face you fully, the cold detachment in his eyes igniting a fire in your veins. “You think I wouldn’t find out? Did you think I’d never even suspect it?” How could he stand there like this meant nothing? Like you meant nothing?

“How the fuck could you do that?” you spat, stepping toward him, hands trembling. “Elain of all people?”

Cassian’s eyes flicked up to yours, a bitter smirk tugging at his lips. “Don’t act like you’re any better,” he said, voice low and biting. “You fucked the whole team. My goddamn friends…” He pointed toward the shattered picture frame lying on the floor beneath the wall, the glass reflecting the remnants of the bonds he once thought unbreakable. The photo inside, now a bloodied mess, had captured a moment of camaraderie, laughter shared between him and the very people who betrayed him.

Your heart pounded, your voice rising, anger spilling over. “That doesn’t give you the right to–”

“Oh, spare me,” he interrupted, stepping closer, eyes flashing with an icy rage. “Don’t act like you have any right to be angry. The flirting, the little touches—fine. But you went too fucking far,” he said, jabbing a finger toward you.

You could feel the heat building under your skin, your shame burning up through your chest, fusing with the anger like gasoline on a fire. “That doesn’t make what you did with Elain okay!” you shouted, voice breaking. “I made a mistake–”

“A mistake?” Cassian scoffed, his cruel laugh sharp as a blade. “You didn’t trip and fall onto their dicks, you spread your legs for them. You chose it. Every. Single. Time.”

His words hit like a slap, your whole body tensing. “Don’t fucking talk to me like that–”

“Or what?” he shot back, stepping even closer, his face inches from yours. His eyes burned into you, the tension between you crackling. “What are you gonna do, huh? Run back to Eris?”

You flinched at the name, your heart hammering in your chest. “I never wanted to hurt you,” you whispered, voice trembling, trying to hold on to any sense of control.

“Bullshit,” he snapped, cutting you off. “You wanted to get fucked. That’s all it was about. You didn’t care about me, about us. You just wanted the attention.” His lip curled in disgust as his fingers flexed at his sides. His gaze locked onto you, daring you to deny it. “Was it worth it?”

You knew you were spiraling, but you couldn’t stop. The guilt, the shame, it all swirled into something reckless. “Maybe it was!” you blurted out, your voice breaking as you threw your hands up. “Maybe it was worth it in the moment–”

“Oh, was it?” Cassian’s voice dripped with sarcasm, incredulous, his eyes narrowing as he loomed over you.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you spun away from him, your arms jerking frantically in frustration. “God forbid I feel some fucking excitement for once in my goddamn life–”

“You fucked all of them, (y/n)!” The shout exploded from him, cutting through the air like a knife. You froze at the sound of his voice, your breath catching in your throat as the words hit you square in the chest. The room seemed to shrink, his fury overwhelming everything as you turned back to face him. His eyes locked onto yours, watching as the reality of what he’d said sank in, your entire body stiffening in response. “All of them! That was a fucking choice, and you know it!”

His voice echoed in the small apartment, louder than the ticking clock, louder than the memories, slamming into you with a force that nearly knocked you back. Your pulse pounded in your ears as you stared at him, feeling the weight of everything crash down on you at once. The room felt too hot, too small, as if the walls themselves were pressing down, threatening to bury you alive under the weight of it all.

“Yeah,” you snapped, throwing your arms out in defiance, desperate to defend yourself, to fight back despite the crushing guilt. “It was a choice. So what?”

His eyes widened, disbelief flashing across his face as he stepped toward you, his towering frame making the distance between you feel even smaller. Though he was still several feet away, the sheer force of his presence made it feel like he was crowding every breath you took. “So what?” he repeated, his anger radiating off of him in waves. His hand shot out, gesturing wildly to the apartment around you, the couch, the room, the life you’d built together. “Do you even fucking hear yourself?”

You did. You hated it, but you couldn’t stop. The anger was driving you now, reckless and raw. “I can’t believe you’re acting so innocent in this!” You matched his volume, circling to the back of the couch, putting some distance between you. “You fucked my friend too!”

“You think I’m the one who did this?” he shot back, following you, the tension crackling. “You threw it all away for what? Some thrill?”

“Don’t you dare try to act like you know what I wanted!” You stood near the hall now, eyes locking on the picture frames hanging on the wall, Cassian mere feet ahead of you. “I just wanted to feel something more than this! This boring, endless fucking cycle!”

In one swift motion, your hand flew to the picture frames on the wall, ripping one down without even thinking and hurling it across the room. The glass shattered against the hardwood floor, splintering in every direction, like the jagged edges of a broken promise, cutting through the air. Cassian flinched at the sound, his gaze snapping to the broken frame. “Don’t you fucking dare blame this on me,” he hissed, voice shaking with barely-contained rage. “I didn’t push you into anyone’s bed!”

“No, you didn’t!” you fired back, your chest heaving with every breath, the tears you’d been holding back finally burning in your eyes. You could feel yourself unraveling, but there was no going back now. “But I wasn’t happy! I didn’t–”

“Bullshit!” he roared, his voice thundering through the room as he slammed his fist into the drywall, rattling the remaining picture frames and leaving a gaping hole in its wake. “You weren’t happy? You?” He laughed, a bitter, broken sound, his hands clenching and unclenching like he didn’t know what to do with them. “You had everything! I gave you everything!” He struck his chest with an open palm, his words echoing in the small space. “Everything, and you threw it away because what, you needed ‘excitement’?”

You felt your whole body shaking, trembling with fury and regret as you shoved past him, pacing the length of the small living room. “It wasn’t like that–”

“Like hell it wasn’t!” Cassian’s voice cracked, his hands flying to his hair, tugging at the roots in frustration. He spun toward you, his face contorted in disbelief. “You think I didn’t give you everything I had to give? You think I didn’t love you more than life?”

Your throat tightened, and you could see the heartbreak he was barely holding together. But you were too deep in it.

“I didn’t say that,” you muttered, the fight draining from your voice for just a moment, but Cassian wasn’t done.

“Then what the fuck is it, (y/n)? What was missing? What the fuck could I have done to stop you from running to them?” He pointed toward the door, his hand shaking as if he could see every one of them standing just outside, their shadows lingering in the doorway, waiting to take what was left of you.

You swallowed hard, tears still spilling down your cheeks as you whispered, “I don’t know.”

Cassian’s jaw clenched tightly, nostrils flaring as he stared you down. “You don’t know?” he shouted, his voice rising like a raging storm. “You don’t know? After everything we had, you’re telling me you just…don’t know? You don’t know why you cheated on me? Five fucking times?”

“Three… four if you count what happened at Ianthe’s…” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

Cassian stared at you, eyes widening as he processed the revelation. “No…” His breath caught in his throat, the gravity of your confession hitting him like a punch to the gut. “You let them…” You watched as his eyes flared with rage, his voice rising to a near roar. “Are you fucking kidding me? You just—how could you? At the same time (y/n), are you serious?” He stepped forward, closing the distance between you.

“Did you think it was some kind of game?” He gestured wildly, the pain etched across his face morphing into rage. “You think this is a joke? You let them take you like that? You think I’m just supposed to stand here and take it?” His voice thundered off the walls, every word laced with venom.

“Cassian, I–” you stammered, but the words lodged in your throat, leaving you grasping for something, anything, to say.

“They don’t want you!” he continued, eyes blazing with anger. “I loved you! All they wanted was a quick fuck, and you just let them! How could you be so stupid?”

His words cut through you like shards of glass, igniting a whirlwind of doubts in your mind. Loved. The past tense hung heavy in the air. Was he already moving on? Was Elain really just a rebound, or did he genuinely believe he might care for her?

You couldn’t help but think of Eris, recalling how he’d been there for you. Had that tenderness been real? Or was it just a façade to get closer to you while Cassian kept his distance? The confusion gnawed at you, a storm of uncertainty swirling within.

“Do you even understand the mess you made?” Cassian’s voice snapped you back to reality, his voice quiet but the rage still palpable. “I gave you everything I had, and you threw it away for nothing.”

Your heart raced, caught between the chaos of his anger and the torment of your guilt. “I didn’t–” you started, shaking your head in disbelief. “You don’t understand what it was like for me. Each time, I felt like I was suffocating… Trapped.”

Cassian took a step back, looking at you with disgust. “Trapped?” he repeated, disbelief etched across his features. “You were living in paradise! You had a goddamned menu of men to choose from whenever you wanted them! Do you have any idea how that feels?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but the words wouldn’t come out.

“Tell me,” Cassian stepped closer, his eyes boring into yours. “Were there times I fucked you right after one of them did?” His voice was a whisper full of rage and pain that sent chills down your spine.

You felt the heat rush to your cheeks, your gaze dropping to the floor as the truth ached in your chest.

“Who?” he demanded, his voice dropping low. You hesitated, your mind racing with dozens of bad ideas to escape this mess. Your heart pounded in your throat, primal instincts urging you to run.

But you stood frozen.

“Who?” he repeated, louder this time, stepping closer, invading your space until you felt the heat radiating off of him. For the first time, fear flickered in your chest at the sight of him.

“It was Helion and Tarquin,” you squeaked out, the words hardly audible. “The night at the club.”

His expression shifted from anger to something more profound—betrayal and dismay. “That’s why you weren’t wearing any underwear?” Each syllable was sharp and cutting like glass. “What the fuck, (y/n)?”

Your stomach dropped as his words sank in, and you fought against the rising tide of shame. “I didn’t mean for it to happen,” you protested weakly, but it felt like a feeble excuse.

“Didn’t mean for it to happen?” he echoed, his voice laced with incredulity. “You think that makes it any better? You think it changes what you did?” He shook his head, pacing away for a moment, processing the confession. “You let them use you. You let them take you, and then came to me like nothing happened!”

Cassian stopped abruptly, his fists clenching at his sides. “What was I to you? A way to check off the names on your list?”

Your breath hitched, the pain in his voice slicing through you. “No! Cassian, you were–”

“Then why the hell did you choose them?” he cut you off, moving toward you once more, and you stepped back at the hostility blazing in his eyes. “Why didn’t you come to me? You had me right there, ready to fuck you however you wanted, however you needed, and instead, you went to them!”

Your voice wavered as you responded. “I didn’t know what I wanted…”

“Clearly,” he spat, his tone bitter and full of hurt.

Your pulse quickened, and a sudden thought surged through your mind, breaking through the haze of anger and regret. “What about Elain?” you blurted out, your voice shaking.

Cassian’s expression shifted, surprise flashing across his face before his anger returned in full force. “What about her?”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” you shot back, feeling a surge of defiance. “You think I didn’t know before tonight? You think you made some big reveal? She can’t keep her big fat fucking whore mouth shut!” You crossed your arms defensively when his only reply was, ‘Pot. Kettle. Black.’

“I heard her eavesdropping on my phone call with Nesta about you. So why her, huh? Why did it have to be her?”

Cassian paused, his jaw tightening as if he was weighing his words. “I fucked Elain because I needed to feel something after you broke my heart,” he admitted, voice rough, like gravel grinding underfoot. “She was there, willing, and I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t want to feel that empty. I didn’t want to think about you.”

You felt the words hit you like a slap. “So you just used her? Like I did with them?” The bitterness in your voice tasted like acid.

“It wasn’t the same, and you know it!” he barked, the tension thickening the air between you. “I was lost. You broke me, and Elain was… she was just–”

“Just what? A distraction?” You pressed, desperate to keep the conversation moving, feeling the adrenaline coursing through you once again. “Do you love her? Does she mean anything to you?”

“No!” Cassian shouted, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t love her! How delusional are you? I was fucking angry! You have no idea how much I wanted to hate you, and I thought that maybe if I let someone else in, it would hurt less. But nothing worked. I still wanted you.”

The confession hung in the air, a fragile thread between you, binding you together in the chaos. You felt your heart twist at the realization that he was still clinging to the remnants of what you once had.

“You still want me?” you whispered, disbelief mingling with hope. “After everything?”

“Of course I did!” he replied, his voice rising again, but the anger was mixed with desperation now. “You were the one I loved, (y/n). You always were!”

But as that dreaded past tense slipped from his lips, your flicker of hope was snuffed out. The weight of ‘loved’ and ‘were’ crushed you, drowning out everything else he said.

“But it only made me miss you more,” you heard him finish.

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” You stepped closer. “Why didn’t you come to me instead of running to Elain?”

“Because you made your choice!” he yelled, his voice trembling with heartache, stepping back as the full weight of those words hit him for the first time. “You decided to sleep with half our fucking friends, and I was left picking up the pieces.”

His shoulders slumped, and you could see it—the exhaustion behind his eyes, the sadness beneath all the rage. He wasn’t just furious; he was broken. Cassian’s chest rose and fell with labored breaths as everything that had transpired seemed to crash down on both of you at once. The fight was slipping from his voice, replaced by something far more agonizing.

“I never wanted this,” he whispered, eyes brimming with the grief of everything that had been lost. His voice trembled, softer now. “I didn’t want any of this. I thought we were perfect, I thought we–” He paused, the words choking him as he forced them out. “I was going to propose to you, my God…”

The confession knocked the air out of you. It felt like the ground had been violently ripped from beneath your feet. “You…what?” you breathed, eyes wide, tears streaming freely down your face.

“I had the ring,” he continued, the bitterness in his voice turning to sorrow, his hands trembled uncontrollably, and he shoved them into his pockets to steady himself. “I’d been carrying it with me for weeks. I was waiting for the right moment, the perfect time to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me. And then–” He let out a hollow laugh.

The anguish in his voice shattered something deep within you. He was going to propose. You could barely breathe under the weight of that realization, now knowing just how much you had ruined. “Cassian… I didn’t know… If I’d known, if I had even the slightest idea, maybe…” You took a shaky breath, your heart splintering further with every word. “I wasn’t thinking. I don’t deserve you, I never have.”

Cassian looked at you, his brows furrowing. “But you didn’t have to–” he began, but you cut him off, the weight of your guilt too much to hold back.

“I know! I know I ruined everything. I betrayed you, and I betrayed us. And I’ve spent every day since wishing I could take it back–”

“But you can’t, can you?” he muttered, dragging a hand down his face. “You can’t take back what you did with them. You can’t undo how much you destroyed me.”

“And I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that.” More tears threatened to spill from your eyes, but you blinked them back. “But Cassian, I… I never stopped–”

“Don’t say it,” he interrupted, shaking his head, his jaw tightening as if he couldn’t bear to hear the words. “Don’t you fucking dare say you still love me.”

The silence that followed was deafening, thick with the unsaid words that hung between you like a blade poised to strike.

“I don’t know how to stop,” you whispered after a beat, your voice raw and fragile. “I’ve never stopped loving you, Cassian. Even when I hurt you, even when I–”

“Do you even know,” he exhaled sharply, “what it feels like to be torn apart by the one person you thought would never hurt you?”

“I never meant to,” you breathed, but it was too little, too late.

Cassian’s gaze locked onto you, his eyes dark with unshed tears. “It doesn’t matter what you meant. It’s what you did.”

The ache in your chest became unbearable, each breath a painful reminder of how much you’d ruined. And just as you opened your mouth to speak, he cut you off, voice breaking.

“I lost everything the moment I lost you.”

It left you speechless, the silence that followed let the full gravity of what you’d done come crashing down over you like a wave. And in that suffocating silence, you felt the final thread between you snap.

Cassian closed his eyes, a single tear slipping down his cheek. He let out a breath like he was carrying the world’s weight on his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” he said quietly, the hopelessness in his voice cutting deeper than any of his ire. “You can’t fix this. We can’t fix this. It’s gone.”

You reached out, your hand hovering just inches from him, desperate for one last chance, one last remnant of that thread to pull you both back from the edge. But your fingers fell back, useless.

Cassian stood there for a moment, the silence between you louder than any of the shouting. He took a deep breath, his shoulders sagging. Then without a word, he turned around. The movement was slow like he had to force himself to walk away. You watched as he grabbed his keys and wallet from the table near the door.

Panic bloomed in your chest. You weren’t ready for this to end, not like this. You stepped forward, your voice shaking as you called after him, “Cassian… Are you going to her?”

He froze, his hand already on the doorknob. The question hung in the air. For a moment, it seemed like he might not answer at all. Then, slowly, he turned his head just enough to meet your gaze from over his shoulder.

“Elain?” His voice cracked slightly, as if answering you pained him. He swallowed hard, hesitating for a beat that felt like an eternity. “No… No, I’m not going to Elain.”

Relief washed over you, but it was fleeting. The look on his face, the sadness that lingered in his eyes, shattered your heart all over again. But then, just as your lips parted to speak, to say something, he spoke again, his voice colder now, each word cutting deeper than the last.

“Why does it matter? Go run back to Eris—or, hell, any of them for that matter. See where that gets you.”

His words slammed into you like a physical blow, knocking the air from your lungs. You didn’t have the strength to respond, your mind reeling from the venom in his tone.

Cassian turned away again, pulling the door open. He stepped through it, pausing only to glance back at you one final time, his expression unreadable. He didn’t slam the door—didn’t give you the satisfaction of one last angry outburst. Instead, he closed it gently, the soft click of the lock echoing through the now painfully silent apartment. You heard his footsteps recede through the door.

And then… he was gone.

For a long moment, you just stood there, staring at the door as if somehow willing him to come back would work. But it all settled in—the empty space where he used to be, the cold, hollow ache in your chest that threatened to swallow you whole.

Your legs gave out beneath you, and you crumpled to the floor, your sobs coming in broken, ragged gasps as you finally let go. Alone in the wreckage of what was once your life together, you wept quietly, broken and lost.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Taglist <3

@blessthepizzaman @book-obsessed124 @celear @girl-math-aint-mathing @halo-hanging

@julesvanslutta @lilah-asteria @meeperthejeeper @mellowmusings @paleidiot

@secretlyhers @starlightazriel @scarsandallaz @uncxmfxrtablex @xxemmarldxx

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

and one huge mega thank you to miss @halo-hanging for being the best beta reader ever i love you mwah mwah MWAH <3

#velarisdusk hockey au #acotar #cassian #cassian acotar #cassian x reader #cassian x reader angst #cassian angst #acotar angst #acotar reader insert #hockey au #acotar hockey au

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daiziesssart · 5 months ago

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HI! 💝 I love jily with a passion <3 but i feel like im in the fucking trenches for that opinion in this era of the marauders fandom 😭 im a multishipper anyway and i dont understand how fucking crazy its gotten, some people's comments are just 💀 lily is one of my favourite characters and how some 'fans' talk about her and jily now makes me so angry

but i wanted to say your art is so so so good and such a breath of fresh air 💗 jily used to be everywhere and I miss it greatly and truly wish I had the talent to do anything close to what you do, it's all so lovely and done with such care! it makes me so happy! 😭

lily’s got haters because people hate seeing a beautiful perfect woman succeed….. no but fr it is actually frustrating especially because the ways in which misogyny (esp in fan spaces) can be so pervasive is such a complicated topic to dissect and i feel like some people use that complexity as a weapon to be like “my misogyny is woke, actually ☝️🤓” but they hate hearing it 🤷‍♀️

THANK YOU SO MUCH ♥️ u are so sweet but also don’t discredit yourself! art is all about practice ♥️

AHHHH MWAH THANK U

#ask #anonymous

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moonsidesong · 3 months ago

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just caught up with Your Turn To Die and absolutely adored it the whole way through. it goes unbelievably hard. calling it Danganronpa But Good feels like an insult. but like... yeah what if danganronpa was good? or rather. game that makes me wish danganronpa was good.

it really keeps you on your toes the Entire time, which is why i ended up saving like......... every five to ten minutes, most times. i would say the only slower part is the minigames during chapter 2? but, i thought those were fun, and they were still broken up by plot important stuff, so i really didnt mind.

ive heard the game had a soundtrack release on CD a few years ago, but i cant seem to find much information about it? much less any resell listings. how sad... i love cd...

i wanna talk more in depth from here on out so spoilers under the cut! warning thoughts very disjointed. and i havent seen absolutely Everything the game has to offer yet (havent done any of the side stories, we'll do them soon probably) so if my takes are disproven by anything ive yet to see please do not tell me htank you

first off OHHH MY GODDDD THIS GAME IS SO MUCH LESS CREEPY ABOUT THE MINORS AND ITS SUCH A BREATH OF FRESH AIR COMPARED TO DANGANRONPA. its not perfect, of course, i do not entirely love the jokes(???) about keiji (known grown adult man) going on dates with sara (known teenage girl), but like, this game does not make me feel gross all the time? thank u nankidai for not making your teacher character with a close relationship with one of his former students a groomer! the bare minimum! im gonna hit kodaka with a stick this should not be a point in the game's favor.

anyway! ended chapter 2 with Reko and Sou (shin) alive, ended chapter 3 having lost Reko .. . :( shes my favorite... i was so sad... ranmaru we're not friends anymore/.... you suck... you killed my best girl... we um, did make a grand total of 175 save files though, so at some point me and the friend i played with are gonna go back and scrub through anything and everything that we missed. maybe after we do the side stories though, not sure yet. reko yabusame i swear to god i will crawl into the screen and kill ranmaru myself for you. i will save you. i love you so much mwah

for years ive only known midori as The Guy That Kids On Danganronpa Discourse Instagram Put Overdramatic Yet Also Somehow Extremely Haphazard Trigger Warnings on every post that included him, so i was really excited to meet him. and boy he did not disappoint this guys NUTS!!! HES CRAZAY!!!!!!!! he has such a perfectly striking look about him. i love how he almost never stops looking straight at you, and how his suit is stark black so it obscures a lot of his shape when he's in the dark, its so cool. they absolutely nailed the atmosphere whenever you're around this guy.

but the first jumpscare when he like reaches out at you from the coffin just kinda made me laugh. me when i get you

also, if you're this far in to care about my opinions on games you probably know that i am Known Danganronpa V3 Hater. i think in particular Kokichi Ouma is way too good of a character for how dogwater the game's actual plot is, and Shin Tsukimi, while not being the same, obviously, scratches that itch of a guy trapped in a death game that spends all his time lying and living under a persona because he's afraid of dying perfectly While Being In A Game That Doesnt Make Me Feel Like Eating Sheet Metal . i love this dude and his ugly several clashing colors outfit. he wants my ass like mega dead right now but thats not important surely

also, i think its sweet that joe and sara are just best friends and they rarely ever even entertain the idea that they had romantic feelings for each other. i think its extra sweet and tragic that joe was able to tell sara he loved her in the end, meaning it as his best friend. and the way the game completely ceases showing you flashbacks of him after that point and just lets the image of the hallucinations replace his actual memory overtime is so good and haunting. this doubled down by the way her memory of him is completely locked up as soon as she starts trying to actually remember the way he really was, its so good.

i think thats all i have to say for now, but umm!!! really really good im excited to go back and fill in the gaps i missed. especially regarding kanna becasue i have a lot of theories about her that i hope im on the right track about #lol. but even if i dont i want to see her i miss her. yaay!!! i love when video games are good. i love you video games.

ill probably make more posts down the line with more thoughts after i let them marinade in my brain for a while... mostly when i have thoughts ive been sending them to the friend im playing with so we can discuss theories together LOL

#bri talks #bri thoughts

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poursomesunaonme · 1 year ago

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BITCH HOLY SHIT nishinoya, my baby boi, the song promised AND ILL LET YOU DECIDE IF ITS NSFW OR SFW HEHEHEHEHEH I think noya would probably use the pet name baby but who tf knows with that nutjob honestly PLEASE AND THANK BOG KITHES MWAH

GOD SYD TYSM FOR THESE SUBMISSIONS LMAO THE BLOOD IS TRULY FLOWING also this did not go where i was thinking it would lmaoaosjfas i hate the word limits i put on myself but i hope u enjoy it <3

cw: noya travelin, smooch, suggested nsfw

"you're dryer steam, you're someone's wet dream / ice cream for a meal"

you know that life is supposed to be beautiful. it is—and you know this for a fact. in the remote coastal town you live in, there’s nothing that can keep a day from seeming so gorgeous, even in a monsoon. however, it can get dreadfully boring. it’s a tourist attraction for the middle of the summer, but by the end, when the heat is sweltering and everyone goes back to their respective countries having experienced a fulfilling summer, there’s nothing to keep you entertained.

you think that the end of august on this sweltering summer day, wearing light clothes to keep yourself from overheating, will drag on until you melt like dropped ice cream on the sidewalk. that is, until some vibrant foreigner ambles around the town square, holding up a map and walking around in circles. you watch him for a second as his eyes flit from the map to the storefronts then back again, nibbling on his lip and muttering to himself in japanese. you’re not cruel, so you approach him.

“hi,” you say, your hands on your hips to air out your underarms. “looking for something?”

“oh!” you could’ve sworn his ears perk up like a dog’s when he hears your voice and peers up at you from over the map. “i’m looking for-”

he fumbles your dad’s tackle shop’s name and you laugh and tell him you know exactly where it is. he follows you, asking about the town and you answer politely, wondering who he is and where he comes from. he’s nearly over the moon when you arrive at the shop and let him know that it’s your dad who owns it. he introduces himself as nishinoya yuu, noya to his friends, and you introduce yourself. he tells you that he enjoys fishing and was looking for a spot to go out to try.

within the hour, you’re driving noya out past the coast (your dad took the day off with the exodus of customers) to a spot your dad frequents. you tell each other about yourselves and it’s like a breath of fresh air. he’s well-traveled for someone so young (and really cute too). he doesn’t plan on staying for more than a week, by which you’re disappointed, but you’re determined to make the most of his stay for him. you’re pleasantly surprised by the dexterity of his hands, the strength of his abdominals, and the sheer number of fish he catches.

your parents adore him and offer him to stay at your place when he brings them all back and chats with your parents in the kitchen when they cook up a few of them. they love him even more when he says to cook a few extra because of how much he can eat.

you know that life is supposed to be beautiful. it is—and you know this for a fact. in the august heatwave of your little summer tourist town, where it can get awfully boring to the point where you feel like you’re aimlessly melting like dropped ice cream on the sidewalk. noya reminds you with each place he asks you to show him, each flash of an elated smile when he’s pleasantly surprised with what you show him, each stolen kiss (among other things) on secluded excursions, that there is so much to feel in the time you have to experience it—and he makes you realize you don’t wanna die until you feel it all.

submissions for the promised event are now closed but you can still click here to go to the nav page

#noya x reader #noya x you #nishinoya yuu #🍀beanie's events #🪐beanie writes!#promised event

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richardsgraysons · 10 days ago

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(this is SO long bear w me i thought i would be writing like 80 words but i actually started writing a whole ass essay abt myself..😭😭😭)

hii idk if ur still doing matchups but if u are then id like to have one pretty please <3!!

so im an entp/enfp (i was entp for so long then i took the test again and got enfp???? like idk) 5'2 gal, my thighs and tummy have some chub in them cus im not gonna lie to anyone i really dont do sports.. like, i could!!! if i had the motivation for it!!!! i got dark slightly curly mid-length/long hair and brown eyes

im pretty extroverted (i'd say more ambiverted) and i like to go out w my friends usually but sometimes i js wanna stay home and not move an inch😭 im pretty carefree and i think im funny.. i can be serious too if i need to be. im the "lets go wherever the wind takes us!!" kinda person.. i dont usually make specific plans for something unless its smth i really wanted to do for a long time. i think a good quality of mine is that im good at comforting ppl, i have had a lot of friends come to me and i try my best to cheer them up, help them find a solution to their problem(s) or tell that life is worth living for, even if it doesn't look like it!!! i like to think that im a passionate person :) i sleep in basically every day i dont have work cus im a dumbass and i purposely mess up my sleep schedule cus im scared of tomorrow even if that makes no sense!!!! i also think a lot about the future, whether its my future, or the future of the world. i also like to appreciate everything like breathing. like omg i can breathe the air how crazy is that?!?! im also a ginormous yapper.. added this after i finished typing and read everything back💀

i like music a lot!!! dont rlly have a specific genre i like, cus if i like the song it goes in my playlist. but some artists i like are wave to earth, txt (my bfs real), sabrina carpenter, conan gray (loml), doja cat, B.I, DPR IAN, and i really like afrobeats in general. i like me some rock too‼️ i also love to go outside when i feel like it and breathe in the fresh air cus tbh i love the smell of places specifically like not objects PLACES. for example my storage room has such a nice refreshing smell i cant explain and whenever i go in new places i just take all the time in world to SMELL. i love my friends sososo much i would die for them and take a bullet for them like even if i dont talk to ALL of my friends, i still appreciate all of them and would beat up anyone who bothers any of them!!! i like watching movies and shows sometimes too, especially cartoons cus theyre so comforting idk why. i also really like watching ice skating performances (yuzuru u are my king)!!!! i love the gratefulness of the sport and its ethereal vibe like idk i like it a lot. i like to go ice skating w my friends or family members during fall or winter (u could say this is the only sport i practice🧐) oh and my favorite seasons r winter and spring btw

i think one of my red flags is that i say things that i dont mean bcs i either get caugh up in my emotions or bcs of my impulse. i feel so bad after i make a mistake tho and i do anything to make it right w smn i hurt. i think i take a lot of risks too.. but honestly thats what makes things fun tbh so i dont rlly feel bad abt that one lol but if it bothers my s/o i'd reassure them as much as i can

i think i have a lot of love to give and so my love languages r physical touch and words of affirmation (and quality time too i think). even my friends i show them a lot of affection bcs honestly idk how else to show my friends theyre my lil baby boo boos pookie dookies sweet pancake chocolate crumble cakes mwah

ok yap over if u dont take reqs anymore js ignore this!!! thank u 💗

yes anon it's been five million years but So What

i'm probably gonna match you with him!!!

jason todd

jason is also king of miscommunication and internalization but i honestly think that his emotions are easily read on his face

he does internalize things though so it'll be a tough miscommunication battle between the two of you

i think he would be a great ass cuddler. them thick ass thighs oh lord it's like a fluffy pillow

also u are so in luck. okay yeah this man is big and stocky but when he fights it's like viewing a man dance. also this mf is a huge ass literature nerd, u cannot tell me he doesn't enjoy the opera minus the elitism of it.

bro tell me why how i can see jason dance to like espresso or something after pretending to hate it a lot

he internalizes a LOT so he'll have to get comfy ??? around you, but i think that the constant displays of affection will get him out of his eggshell

also jason is def a listening bf. there's yap gfs nd listen bfs and he's def a listen bf

#dcu #zoya writes <3 #jason todd

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itsjaywalkers · 7 months ago

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i hope it’s not too late to do one of the anonymous opinions, but…i just think you are genuinely one of the most kind souls. you seem like the kind of person that has a really good head on their shoulders, or the kind of person that goes above and beyond for those they care about and love. you are a gorgeous writer that truly has a way with words; each story you tell is so uniquely beautiful and well-written. i could just crawl into your brain and live there. seeing you pop up on my dash is like a breath of fresh air, and i love all your little reblogs and snippets and fun asks. you’re the kind of person i would love to have as a friend. i hope your day treated you kindly & you get lots of well-deserved rest tonight <3

oh darling :( <3

this ask made me tear up a little and it was exactly what i needed after today. it brings me so much joy to hear that i give off such sweet and wonderful vibes, and even though i don’t think i’m as wholesome as you’re making me out to be i’m just so so so glad to know that this little corner of the internet that is my blog manages to make your days brighter <3 i really don’t have a way to express how grateful and flattered i am for your lovely words, but know that i’m holding them very close to my heart

also you’re always welcome inside my brain angel, and if you ever feel up to it, my dms are open and i love making new friends!!!

i hope you have/had the best of days, and that life has been treating you kindly. i’m giving u an unnecessarily long kiss on the cheek MWAH <333

send me ur nonnie opinion on me

#asks #nonnie opinions

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maokomi · 2 years ago

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OMG I KNEW THE WRITING STYLE WAS FAMILIAR WHEN I GOT ONE OF YOUR POST AS RECOMMENDED FDSFSG HOW HAVE YOU BEEN APHRODITE? HOPE YOU'VE BEEN ALL WELL AND HEALTHY💕💕 AAAA IM SO HAPPY YOU'RE BACK I REALLY LOVE YOUR V SWEET LOVELY SELF AND YOUR DELICIOUS WRITING IT MAKES MY DAY EVERYTIME!!! THIS IS THE ANON WHO COULDN'T FIND OR FOLLOW YOUR PREV BLOG BTW FDSFS I CAN FINALLY FOLLOW YOU ^^ ANYW AYS YES I JUST WANTED TO CHECK UP ON YOU AND YOUR WELLBEING, OTHER THAN THAT TAKE CARE AND STAY HEALTHY LOVELY PERSON!! <3 (oh god I just noticed all the caps I'm sorry if that annoyed you I just got excited to find you once again ajkfds c":)

SMOOCHES U SM ANON IM SO GLAD U FOUND ME AGAIN !!!! IM DOING GREAT BBY 🥺🥺 this blog has kinda been suchh a breath of fresh air and idk i feel like theres a lot of pressure & expectation taken off my shoulders ? so !! I'm super duper happy to be here HAHAH

AND IM SO GLAD THAT TUMBLR FINALLY LET U FOLLOW ME !! ✨

Thank you for checking up on me sweetheart !! Its vv appreciated <3 I hope that you're also taking care and being healthy 🥰🥰 MWAH MWAH MWAH

#BABE ur gonna make me blush with all this omg /pos #love letters to aphrodite ♡.ೃ࿔*:·

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dokiyeom · 2 years ago

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A SANCTUARY IN YOU . Y. JEONGHAN

because when jeonghan’s worn out and in need of comfort, you’re the home he’ll always run to

pairing: jeonghan x gn!reader / genre: fluff/reverse comfort / wc: 0.8k

warnings: mentions and descriptions of food, exhaustion, fatigue

playlist: to you - svt // home - svt // express moon - jo yuri // hug me tight - heo hoy kyung // blossoming - none the younger

note: hey lol sorry for ghosting u all for like 2 months but here’s a jeonghan fic and a fic playlist as a peace offering :D also hey hi thank u to @yeongwonie loml for beta reading mwah <3

jeonghan steps into your apartment, lazily shutting the door with his hand stretched behind his back, not even having the energy to turn his head to check if he had properly locked the door and instead chose to trust his hand’s dexterity.

“jeonghan? is that you?” your voice rings, and jeonghan swears that he feels every muscle and ache in his body soften and relax just from hearing you.

“yeah, sorry for barging in so suddenly” he musters, forcing out a weak smile when your head pops out from the kitchen, “i just- i wanted to see you,”

you pause after getting a more clear view of your boyfriend, eye-bags sunken and skin practically translucent, completely devoid of vitality. it’s a distinctively unfamiliar look on jeonghan, who is normally so angelic with a presence akin to a breath of fresh air.

“oh my gosh, han don’t strain yourself,” you rush by his side, carefully cupping a hand around his delicate jaw, “don’t apologize, you’re always welcome here,”

you feel jeonghan straining his neck in an attempt to nod as you continue, “let’s get you something to eat, yeah?”

“it’s fine, don’t want to trouble you,” he whispers, sinking into your hold as he eventually rests his head on your shoulders. your arm maneuvers around his back, gently smoothing circles along the fabric of his shirt as he hums quietly with contentment, “i can just pick up something from the convenient store later,”

“taking care of you will never trouble me,” you sigh, “and besides, i was already cooking dinner,”

“you’re too good to me,” he mumbles, lifting his head from your shoulders. he easily obliges when you guide him over to the sofa, collapsing into the array of soft woolen throw pillows and velvety couch cushions like a limp rag doll. you drape a plush fleece blanket over jeonghan as he shuffles around to find a comfortable position, smiling when he pulls the covers up to his chin as his eyes shut gently.

you return to the kitchen, where you find a steaming pot of aromatic soup full of hearty ingredients you had cooked for yourself primarily because like jeonghan, you have also been feeling a bit more under the weather. after conjuring up a bit of strength, you heave the vast pot over to the coffee table and as you do so, jeonghan perks up, his head peeking from above the blanket he had stretched over his head.

instinctively, jeonghan lifts the comforters as he feels the sofa dip under your weight. from your view, he vaguely resembles an otter, a warm and inviting one at that as he waits for you to climb into his little makeshift burrow. instead, you smile and comb your fingers through jeonghan’s hair as you sit by the perimeter of the sofa, resisting the urge to teasingly comment on how otter adjacent he appears for the sake of his depleted state.

“want to rest a bit for now? you seem tired and i can just heat the soup when you wake up later,” you say, fingers still tangled in his hair as you practically feel him hum in contentment.

“not sure, the soup smells great though,” jeonghan remarks, hoisting himself up as the blankets cascades down to his waist. he sits there for a brief moment, a puffed half-pout, half-smile resting on his face as he gazes at you.

instead of rising up, jeonghan flops back down, though this time he very clearly bypasses the pillow and lands on your lap with a shameless “oops!”

“oh no, it’s like i’ve fallen back down and i can’t get up! isn’t that crazy, y/n?” jeonghan muses, his eyes fluttering shut in downturned narrow crescents, “it’s like my body is telling me to stay on this comfortable couch and that it needs something, or maybe someone, to hold so that my exhaustion can be remedied,”

“who gave you such awful medical advice?” you sigh, slipping your hand beneath jeonghan’s head and carefully hauling it back onto the pillow as he pouts dramatically, “i’m pretty sure you need rest instead of becoming a koala and attaching yourself to a human tree branch,”

“i guarantee you this cure was from a very reputable doctor,” jeonghan grins, eyes still shut as he wriggles his eyebrows. you smile and card your fingers through his hair for a final time before giving in to his proposal. he’s still exhausted, despite the little teasing comments he’s straining to make to lessen your worries. it’s virtually transparent to you by how jeonghan’s eyes remain closed, a testament to the aching pain that likely punctures somewhere behind his eyes.

“fine, i’ll trust your very reputable doctor,” you smile, allowing jeonghan to happily envelop his arms around you and rest his head against yours as he quietly murmurs a contrastingly sincere “thank you”

“of course,” you respond, placing a fluttering kiss on whatever part of jeonghan is nearest to your lips as you too permit yourself to enjoy being held by your lover, leaving the soup long forgotten as the two of you descend into a much-needed nap.

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itoshi-s · 2 years ago

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One curious question, what made Rin/Sae become a yandere for reader?? Was it because of their physical appearance or something else?

OK so . actually ya'll got me thinkin that maybe just maybe sae has some yan! potential in him too ........ not as much as the other guys i've mentioned before but i def see him as very dominating,, the type of guy that doesn't even need to speak to put you in your place . also probably uses his status as a threat to you whenever you argue abt the way he is . you really do love him after all, just feel a little too repressed,, and he keeps giving you clear signs that there is a whole lot of other people that would gladly be on the receiving end of his love instead of u . yeah .... he definitely could be yan too ╮(︶▽︶)╭

BUT comin back to ur question. considering that both of the itoshis seem veryy troubled,, it'd be definitely not just your physical appearance that pulls them in, but mostly your behavior.

for rin i see him as very attention and touch deprived :((, even tho he's the one that keeps pushin people away . it is canon that he's like the worst at communication ,, and so he just forgot that having someone close to him was ever an option. and then bam! ur here! you don't judge him, give him space, but you're also just so warm, he remembers what it feels like to be important to someone . :( you're so attentive and caring, but never cross any boundary. he's so possessive of you cause he knows that people can be harsh, and that the world isn't a fair place - and yet there you are, his little remedy, so sweet and loving,, he doesn't want you to experience any harm ever. SO. ur love and attention definitely gets him hooked on u , not wanting to let u go ever </3

for sae i tbh think it'd be something similar ! rin feels lonely bc of what sae put him through, and sae's the way he is bc of whatever happened in spain . he has a vv hard time trying to put all the pieces together, to keep himself grounded even long months or even years after first leaving japan. it's easy to lose yourself to your ego when you're the prodigy, but you're a breath of fresh air when you two bump into each other and actually ,, u've never even heard of him ! for the first time in forever, sae can be just himself, and u don't judge him. (see the similarities now ?? i actually really like to think that sae n rin are actually pretty similar , even though they try to deny that they're family:( sobs) also probably gets a huge ego boost when he realizes that he can use his status against you ,, just like i've mentioned in the beginning !! likes to play dirty with you by saying that you can be easily replaced </3

i luuuuuv troubled unhinged brothers . the BEST trope ever. ty for the question nonnie i will dream of the itoshis tonite thanks 2 u mwah (´꒳`)♡

#✧.* ✉ zari’s mail #itoshi rin #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi sae #itoshi sae x reader #yandere!rin #yandere!sae #blue lock #bllk #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #yandere!bllk #yandere!blue lock #blue lock headcanons

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havethetimeofyourstyles · 4 years ago

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in which you and harry meet again after six months.

a/n: hiiii! this is for @theharriediaries fic challenge! the photo used is the one on the left of the banner, and the dialogue i chose was ‘Is this seat taken?’ ‘By you, I hope.’ & ‘I’m sorry it took us this long.’ thank you for creating this challenge, soph!

thank you @sunflowers-styles for beta reading this for me, mwah! <3

WORD COUNT: 12k of dad!harry with slight angst and fluff (pls appreciate the dilfrry dialogues in this lmao)

COME INTO MY INBOX AND LETS TALK ABOUT ‘THE TRAIN RIDE BACK TO US’ I’d love to know your thoughts!

pls rb to share! <3

The gold bell chimed quite loudly, informing the baristas that someone had entered their shop. The aroma of fresh ground coffee beans immediately filled your senses once you pushed open the sage green door as the smell feeling of nostalgia and comforted you.

Everything looked the same in the coffee shop. The oak wood floor never changed with coffee stains in certain areas that didn’t quite seem to come off all the way, no matter how hard the employees scrubbed—but it gave the shop character, in your opinion. Different colored potted plants filled the shop in every corner and on the clean white windowsill, making the place look lively. Crisp oxygen mixed with Columbian coffee beans flowed around the shop, making customers want to come back to a comfortable environment. Black and white bistro tables sat within the café, with silver metal bases, holding the circular table tops up as they alternated with colors along the built-in brown bench against the light-gray colored wall; with matching black and white metal chairs that practically screeched against the oak wood floors when someone was trying to scoot in or out of the table.

The entire shop was the exact same from what you remembered it to be six months ago. The only difference was that when you sat on the wooden bench, specifically at the black table in the corner that was right next to the window, the person who was supposed to be in front of you wouldn’t be there; and for that, your heart dropped a little.

Trying not to think too much about your change of mood, you ordered your usual—an iced mocha latte with a pump of sweet vanilla syrup—before you paid and turned around to see which tables were available. The usual corner table was staring right at you, practically mocking you, and you wished that the table was occupied, but then you would’ve felt wrong sitting at a different table when yours was clearly open.

You took your seat on the bench, and almost immediately, you started shaking your leg underneath the table. Your seat felt hot, as if the wood was catching fire underneath you, burning your legs and making you antsy.

Luckily, the shop wasn’t crowded so it took the baristas less than six minutes to make your drink and to call out your name from behind the counter. Quickly, standing up from the burning hot seat, you made your way to the counter, thanking Mel for the drink. Since coming here, you had become quite a constant in the cute Portland coffee shop. Mel was one of the employees that had worked at the shop the longest, so she made everyone’s drinks because she knew the menu the best. So, you caught up with her a bit, and inevitably, she asked where you had been.

“You didn’t find a better coffee shop did you?” She teased, making you chuckle.

“No, I’ve just been, uh, too busy to come around. But I promise, your drinks and shop are still the best,” you said truthfully, to which she beamed. To this day, you hadn’t found a superior coffee shop than ‘Coava’ because the others just didn’t compare—they didn’t make you feel the same way you did with this one. “But thanks for the coffee.” You gave her one last smile before you turned around to make your way back to your table.

And then the bell chimed.

It was as if the sun was peeking out through the clouds; the sun beams strongly pointed down onto the wet pavement after a night of rain, leaving the air with its pleasant smell of petrichor. He was the light that seeped through the curtains, and you knew it was going to be a lovely day.

“Harry…” you stopped in your tracks, careful not to spill the contents of your coffee cup. Your heart skipped several beats once he flashed you his gorgeous smile that you were still hopelessly in love with.

“Hi, Y/N.” Harry mindlessly played with the buttons of his coat as he mentally tried to situate the nerves in his head and stomach. His breath felt like it was stuck in his throat, making his voice slightly trail off with a crack to the tone.

It felt like the two of you were the only ones in the coffee shop—minus the locals who were sitting at the tables, minding their own business, or wondering what the fuck they were doing standing in the middle of the shop—completely and fully captured by the other’s stare and presence.

The loud screeching noise of steam took you out of your dazy trance as you cleared your throat. Harry looked down at his feet before looking up at you through his lashes, shyly intertwining his hands behind his back.

“Uh, would you like to join me?”

Harry raised his brows at your proposal, pursing his lips to contain his giddy excitement. “S-Sure.” You took a deep breath before you started to walk towards the table in the corner—one he was also very familiar with. “This seat...Is this seat taken?” He asked politely but, almost instantly, mentally cursed himself because you wouldn’t have invited him if you were with someone.

You didn’t catch his slip up, instead, you smiled as your face grew warm. “By you, I hope.” Harry blushed, taking a seat on the black metal chair across from you.

“So, how’ve you been? It’s been a while since I last saw you,” you mentioned.

It’d been six months since the last time you saw and sat in front of Harry—a very long six months. The conversation six months ago wasn’t the most happiest of memories because that conversation brought in the heartache and heartbreak; the chat had included the mutual separation of your relationship that involved tears, chest pain, and as always, the smell of Colombian coffee that surrounded your afflictive conversation, hoping it would calm the tension between you two.

“Yeah, it has been a while, but I’m doing okay. How are you?”

“I’m good.” There was a bit of awkwardness swirling in the air, and you absolutely despised it—you wanted it to leave the shop and never return. You had always imagined what it would be like bumping into Harry again, more importantly, what you would say to him. And despite all those moments daydreaming of finding the right words, you were completely stuck, and you fully blamed it on the awkward tension. “Can we not be…y’know, awkward? That’s not us,” you simply said.

Harry let out a sigh of relief, adding a breathy laugh. “Yes, yes, of course. You’re right, that isn’t us at all.” Mel brought him an iced black coffee since it was his usual, and she saw that he didn’t get the chance to order because he was immediately occupied by the sight of you. He softly thanked her with a smile, only taking his attention off of you for a split second before his eyes were right back on you; he didn’t know what this conversation would lead to, nor did he want to get his hopes up, so that meant spending every moment with his complete attention and eyes averted to you. “I miss you…” he said.

There was a sense of relief as you exhaled deeply, glad that he wasn’t the only one who was missing the other. His words had brought a flutter of butterflies to your stomach, soaring as they pleased while your face felt warm.

You and Harry had been together for a year and a half before calling it quits. For most of the relationship, it was happiness and bliss—occasional fights, but they weren’t frequent—towards the last few months however, things were getting a bit stressful. You remembered the days like it was yesterday as the vivid memory crept inside of your head...

It was nearing nine in the evening and the house was quiet. The silence was louder than the ongoing noise inside your head that was constantly yelling at you, making your head ache from the incessant thoughts. It was safe to say that you weren’t happy, and that even Harry wasn’t happy either. But you had only gotten a glimpse of him during the evening, so you were simply assuming that he wasn’t content—but it was a very logical assumption since every time he looked at you, it seemed like he was becoming more stressed out by the minute; as if he didn’t already have a lot on his plate during the day, and by night, he would still have to deal with whatever argument and fight either of you would pick for no apparent reason.

It started with petty little arguments, getting annoyed and frustrated at the other because of burnt toast or something as small as running out of detergent for the laundry. But fighting over nothing had turned into completely confessing that you weren’t happy anymore, and that the exhaustion had gotten to you.

“I-I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Harry,” you said in between your sobs that you tried to contain. “All we’re doing is hurting each other—we’re not even happy together anymore!”

It felt like his heart was exploding, but it was the truth. “Darling…”

“You can’t lie and tell me that we’re happy together because it’s obvious that we’re not.” You wiped the tears from your face, leaving your skin damp from the moisture.

Harry sighed deeply, knowing he couldn’t argue anymore. He felt defeated and upset with himself; it was like he was doing well in everything else or at least trying, and he couldn’t even do his part in being a good boyfriend to you. He knew part of the reason why both of you weren’t happy was because of the neglectance, and both of you were too exhausted to even communicate that feeling. You two were both independent entrepreneurs—always knowing when to close business and how to make a well deserved investment or sale with others who were trying to buy whatever stock or product. But when it came down to each other, to Y/N and Harry, it seemed like the individuals that were trying to please and charm others had dissipated, leaving no room or patience for each other.

“We’re both busy, Harry, I get that. And maybe it’s best if we call it quits until everything settles down—until we both know what we want—”

“I want you,” he interrupted.

You softly huffed, looking down at your lap as you slightly nodded before you looked up at him again. He had tears streaming down his face and more forming in his eyes; you loved that he wasn’t embarrassed or afraid to show his true emotions—he was being vulnerable every time he let his guard down, and for that, you would appreciate him forever.

Muffled, static cracks followed by quiet little groans were heard from the baby monitor on the coffee table. Harry glanced at it before looking back at you, knowing he had to take care of his number one priority, and who were you to stop him? So, you nodded, tilting your head towards the room, and he sadly smiled before heading towards the nursery.

You walked over to the kitchen counter, grabbed a pen and paper, and wrote ‘Meet me at Coava tomorrow. Usual time.’ before you placed it on the coffee table beside the monitor. As you were leaving, you heard soft humming coming from the baby monitor, and your heart squeezed, frowning as this was most likely going to be the last time you were going to be in this house. Taking one look around, you took in all of the memories that you made in the building that made you feel safe and warm before you stepped out, immediately welcomed by the cool temperatures of the evening.

The next afternoon when you walked into Coava, Harry was already sitting at the usual table you two sat at. His head was down, mindlessly wiping down the condensation that formed outside of his glass. You took a seat in front of him without saying a word, making him look up. He had dark circles around eyes as he hadn’t gotten much sleep.

“Hi,” you whispered. There was your usual cup of iced coffee placed in front of you. “Thank you for the coffee.”

He nodded and smiled softly, despite his current mood. “Hello.”

You took a deep breath. “So…where do we go from here?”

Harry sadly looked at you with desperation in his eyes that spoke, no, begged you to tell him to stay, to tell him that you two could and would work this out. But it seemed like you hadn’t received that specific message from his green and sorrowful eyes.

“You were right…We haven’t been able to make time for one another. So, we’ll just…take some time apart.” His heart and voice cracked at the end of his sentence, finding it hard to even form a sentence that didn’t absolutely break him. You nodded, agreeing, but it didn’t hurt any less; you knew this would be best for the two of you because both of you had to focus on yourselves, especially when Harry had his priorities, such as his family, which you weren’t going to make him change whatsoever. “Okay…so, we’re over.” He hadn’t said it as a question but rather a way to see that realization.

You reached across the table, placing your hand on his, and you were lucky that he didn’t pull away. “Harry, this doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I…will always love you.”

“And I’ll always love you too,” he said honestly.

Behind the civil and mature conversation that occurred, there was sadness and heartbreak. There were no more smiles or laughs, no more love and affection, or anymore meet-ups during lunch or coffee dates during breaks. The painful look on Harry’s face had only pained you even more, but you both knew this split-up and time apart was for the best.

That was six months ago.

Now, as you sat across Harry, you felt an overwhelming rush of relief and joy; he just looked happier and you saw a familiar glint in his eyes as he looked at you. It may not be the same sparkle of love as it once was, which you were afraid it wasn’t, but there was still some kind of sparkle—the kind someone would give when they reunite with an old friend.

“The kids miss you—they miss you a lot.”

Your eyes look at him fondly at the mention of his children. “Really?”

“Yeah, they do. They said, and I quote, they miss their ‘pretty fairy second mom,’” Harry said quite proudly.

Harry had three kids that you absolutely adored. There was Mira and Estelle, seven-year-old twins that looked like their father. Mira was very energetic and talkative—that little girl could talk for hours on end without missing a beat; Estelle was more quiet and reserved, but once you started hanging around, she opened up and was quite fun to have a laugh with. Then there was the sweet little two-year-old boy, Rory, who resembled his mother. He was always babbling and giggling, so happy and free.

If Harry was being honest, Rory was a complete accident. Him and his ex had separated and broken up when the twins were four, but they were still seeing each other. Those occasional hangouts led to another child, which they both thought would help them bond, but six months into the pregnancy, they both knew it wasn’t right anymore—not like before. So, they stuck to coparenting and, if they were speaking the truth, it was much better than being together.

When Rory was six months old, that was when Harry met you. On an unexpected literal run in the park when you and Harry were on your daily runs, the trail was only narrow and small enough for one person to run. So, when you and Harry were running towards each other, you braced yourself for the awkwardness you were about to face with the man. Harry politely smiled, moving to his left, only for you to move to your right, which made you both giggle. The two of you then moved to the opposite side, only to clash again. The thought was quite hilarious to the two of you, so you both started laughing, clutching your stomachs. Once you two calmed down, Harry then said that he was going to his left, so you moved to your left, running the opposite directions from each other.

At the end of the trail and on your way to the parking lot, you saw Harry finish the same trail but exit from the other side. And if it said anything more, you parked right next to his car as well. Harry smiled, dimples flashing and asked you how your run was, which then led to a bit of small talk. In the six minutes you two were talking, Harry made the impulsive decision to ask you if you would like some coffee. He wouldn’t have asked if it were anyone else, and until that moment he didn’t even know if he was ready to date again. But he took the chance and decided to ask you, and luckily, you said yes.

The rest was history.

“I miss them so much too.” You smiled softly, thinking about the kids that you had thought of as your own.

“I, uh, I know it’s too much to ask, but I figured I should ask either way…Would you like to see them? Mira would never live it down if I told them that I saw you and didn’t ask if you wanted to see them.” He added a chuckle at the end, nerves creeping up his skin.

Your eyes lit up. “Really? You’d let me see them?”

Harry raised his brows. “Yeah, of course! You could see them anytime you want, if you’d like. Just because we’re not, y’know, together doesn’t mean that you can’t see them. I know how much you love them and how much they love you too,” he reassured.

“Would Laurie be okay with that?” You asked about his ex and the mother of said children.

He nodded. “Yeah, she would. I mean, she also knows how much they love you.” Harry was lucky that the mother of his children and his ex was so kind and chill with having someone that Harry loved be ‘another mother’ to her children; all Laurie really asked of you was to not try and replace her role as their mom and to always keep them safe when she wasn’t around, and who were you to disrespect her wishes?

“Harry, I would love to, thank you. I really do miss them.” You felt yourself getting a bit emotional because of how much you missed the kids, and it’d felt like an eternity since you last saw them.

“Great! Tomorrow is the weekend, so are you free to go to the park and maybe get some ice cream after?”

“Yeah, that sounds like a plan.” You smiled, not too widely as you tried to contain your excitement.

Harry smiled back at you before quickly looking at his phone to check the time. “I gotta get back. But I’ll see you tomorrow and will text you the details tonight.”

“Okay, see you soon.” You stood up to hug him, and his arm immediately wrapped around your waist, hugging you to his chest. His stomach was doing flips as he felt your breath against the crook of his neck. He didn’t want the moment to end, and it was the most physical contact that you two had in six months.

Pulling away, he offered you a smile before bidding you goodbye, and you finally let out the breath you had been holding the moment the bell chimed and the man you still loved walked in.

A soft blush was planted on Harry’s cheeks for the entire day. He was driving from work to Laurie’s house to pick up his beloved children as he thought about how his day turned out to be.

In all honesty, he hadn’t expected to see you in the coffee shop that you two had gone to throughout the entirety of your relationship. He had just gotten out of a meeting and was debating on going to Coava because he hadn’t been there since the day you two called it quits, but he figured it was time and thought that maybe reminiscing on the memories you two had with each other wasn’t a bad thing. So, he walked into that shop thinking he was just going to get a coffee to-go, but he had gone in there and left with something so much better.

The moment his eyes landed on yours his mind had screamed and reassured him that he wasn’t just dreaming that you were standing right in front of him, he felt his stomach drop in the best way. The heat had rushed to his cheeks, tugging on the corners of his lips, urging his mouth to smile, and he did not hold back his joy when he saw you. You were beautiful, just like he remembered, but he had no doubt that there wasn’t a day that went by where you weren’t not absolutely stunning.

And the giddy feeling he felt when he asked you if you’d like to see the kids made his heart tumble inside of his chest as he couldn’t wait for you and the kids to finally see each other again.

Harry pulled into Laurie’s driveway, and he quickly got out and knocked on the door, waiting for Laurie to answer. He chuckled as he could practically hear the twins screaming from across the house to make sure they had everything they needed. When the door opened, he was met by his ex that he once loved, and still had some platonic love for her, naturally, as the mother of his children.

“Hey, Harry! They’re just getting their stuff ready,” she greeted with a smile, opening the door wider as she walked away from the entrance and let him in. She grabbed Rory from the couch, who was mindlessly playing with a giant puzzle piece, and gave him many kisses to his cheeks before saying goodbye to her son and handing him off to Harry.

Rory’s eyes lightened up at the sight of his father. “Dada!”

“Hi, my sweet boy. I’ve missed you.” He placed soft kisses to his chubby and squeezable cheeks.

“Girls, dad’s waiting!” Laurie called out from the bottom of the stairway before turning back towards Harry. “Why do you look like that?” She gave him a knowing look.

“Like what?” Harry asked, acting like he didn’t know what she was talking about. The blush really gave him away, he thought.

“You’re just…extra happy today.”

“Can’t I be happy, Laurie? To see my kids?” He teased, smirking as he hugged Rory to his chest.

“I mean, sure, but…did something happen today?”

His smile widened, and it was like he couldn’t contain the exciting feeling anymore and he just had to tell someone. “I saw Y/N today.”

Her brows raised. “Really? How is she?”

“She’s doing well, yeah. We talked for a little bit.” Was all that he told her.

“And I’m assuming it went well.” He nodded, not wanting to tell her more. “Well, that’s great, Harry. She was, is, a lovely woman and she took care of the kids, so that’s all that matters to me,” Laurie said genuinely; she wasn’t jealous, if she was being honest. All that mattered to her was that her kids were in good hands.

Suddenly more footsteps were coming down the stairs. “Dad!” The twins yelled at the same time. He put Rory down for a moment before he bent down to hug his two girls.

“Hi, my loves. How are you?” He kissed both of their cheeks, making their small arms hug him tighter.

“Dad, I scored one hundred percent on all my spelling tests, so I’m qualified for the spelling bee!” Mira explained excitedly once she let go of Harry.

“Really?! That’s amazing, bug. This week, I’ll help you study for it.” Mira beamed at that before walking over to her mom to say bye.

“How are you, my sunshine?” He directly asked Estelle, knowing that she was specifically waiting for Harry to have his attention on only her. Even though she’d never told him that, he could tell that sometimes Estelle lets Mira have her moment and wanted to speak with Harry when no one else was paying attention.

“I’m good. My teacher told me I could become a math…mathmat—daddy, what are they called?” She looked at Harry for help.

“Look at you, sunshine! I’m so proud of you my little mathematician.” Estelle’s eyes widened. “Is that you meant mathematician, sweetheart?” He smiled.

“Yes, that! I did good on my math test and even baked cookies for you!” Before Harry could say anything, Estelle ran off to the kitchen to grab the plate of cookies she baked last night.

“Alright, babies, let’s go. Say bye to mommy.” The kids said their goodbyes before Harry safely buckled them into their car seats and drove home for a week at their father’s.

When all four of them reached the front door, Harry told the twins to put their belongings away and wash up for dinner. He set Rory down in his high chair before cutting up some bananas in halves, and placing them on the plastic table in front of him for his pre-dinner snack. Knowing that his kids liked home cooked meals better than takeout, fortunately, he set out the ingredients to make some fried rice, which was quick and easy.

The twins rushed down the stairs once Harry put the leftover rice into the pan filled with sautéed veggies, and they settled onto the couch in front of the TV, waiting for dinner.

“Loves, set the table for me, please!” He called out from the kitchen as he transferred the rice from the pan to a large bowl, topping it with green onions. The girls each had a task for setting the table; Mira was in charge of forks and spoons, and Estelle handled the plates since she was less clums. He rolled Rory’s high chair over to the table, which he was so lucky to have gotten a high chair with wheels because it was so much easier to move him without carrying him and the chair; and he gave everyone an equal scoop, depending on how much they ate, and if they wanted seconds, he would be glad to serve them more.

As they ate, Harry was occasionally helping Rory eat the rice, just picking up the contents that didn’t make it into his mouth, as Estelle and Mira both took turns talking. Harry loved family dinner, he tried his very best to give all three of his children the attention that they deserved, but dinner was the one time they bonded the most because no one felt competitive or had the urge to start an argument when there was food in front of them.

“Daddy, how was your day?” Estelle asked curiously, and Harry smiled at his sunshine, as if she was the sun itself, heart swooning.

“It was great, thanks for asking, my love.” He placed his spoon on his plate. “I actually wanted to talk to you all about something.” The twins didn’t respond, just stared at him, encouraging him to continue. “Do you remember Y/N?” Just at the sound of your name, the crowd went absolutely wild.

“Y/N, yes!” Screamed Estelle, which was rare for her to raise her voice.

“Pretty, fairy second mom, of course we remember her, dad!” Mira exclaimed obviously.

“Fairy!” Rory had repeated the only word he could make out from Mira’s mouth as he fussed because of the volume that had increased from his sisters.

Harry laughed. “Alright, okay, settle down. Well, I saw her today.” The twins gasped, making him chuckle. It genuinely felt like he was on a talk show with a live audience. “And I wanted to ask you all if you wanted to see her tomorrow? Figured we could go to the park and get some ice cream together?” He asked hesitantly, even though he knew they’d say yes, and he’d get another chance to see you again.

“Yes!” The girls both answered.

Harry beamed, turning to Rory. “Bubba, remember Y/N? Your slide friend? Remember you used to go on the slide with Y/N?” Rory giggled, a sound that was Harry’s weakness, and nodded. “Do you wanna see her tomorrow?”

“Slide with fairy?” Rory asked, and Harry laughed.

“Yes, slide with fairy,” he confirmed, and Rory nodded his head eagerly.

Harry smiled, glad his kids were with the plans tomorrow. The rest of the dinner was filled with the twins talking about you; they talked about what you all could do together at the park and what they wanted to show you, and Harry would be lucky if they slept through the entire night without continuously waking up because of their excitement for the upcoming afternoon.

Once everything was cleaned up and put away, the twins washed and cleaned, Harry give Rory a bath, and everyone was ready for bed, Harry said good night to his babies, spending about five minutes cuddling and talking them to sleep until they fluttered their eyes closed and off to slumber.

Sighing, Harry closed his door, leaving the baby monitor from Rory’s room on his bedside table before he was able to unwind for the day. He always spent an extra amount of time on his skin care routine, figuring that he sometimes didn’t have time for himself and the only time he had was during nights.

When he was ready for bed, he felt a huge amount of relief to be getting into bed after a long but grateful day, and he picked up his phone and clicked on your message thread. The last time you two texted was a few weeks after the breakup, asking if you were doing okay, and he could practically feel the awkward tension through the texts as he reread them. But he was glad that this time would be a much lighter and better conversation.

Hi, Y/N. Hope this is the right number still. But if it is, kids are on board for tomorrow. Does 12:30 work for you? We could meet at the usual park. If it’s not Y/N, please don’t meet at the usual park because the kids are not on board.

You chuckled at the end of his text, happy to see that Harry is always trying to make jokes and be the comedian.

Hi, Harry! Don’t worry, this is Y/N. Probably would have hunted the person with my number down to get tomorrow’s plans. But that sounds perfect! I can't wait to see the kids tomorrow. See you then!

Harry softly smiled at his phone, not feeling the need to respond and figured he would talk to you a lot more tomorrow while the kids are playing. He stared at the message for quite some time, completely blank as he couldn’t believe the chances that he happened to see you at the shop six months after the breakup, and now he’s making plans with you tomorrow; his jaw was aching from smiling so much.

A few minutes later, he put his phone away to change before he comfortably situated himself under the blanket, feeling the heaviness of his eyes. But once he felt himself starting to drift away into dreamland, his phone buzzed on his nightstand, and he tried his best to ignore it, but curiosity got the best of him, so he picked up his phone and opened the new message.

And I can’t wait to see you tomorrow too.

And just like that, Harry was wide awake, struggling to sleep, but a smile permanently etched on his face for the night.

The day that everyone in the Styles’ household had been waiting for had finally arrived. Luckily, the kids had gotten their needed hours of sleep; Harry had only gotten a few hours of sleep, but when the sun seeped through his curtains, he didn’t dread getting up for the day. Instead, he felt a rush of eagerness, instantly remembering what the day held for him and his kids, and he jumped right out of bed.

Once the four of them were out of the house, Harry had successfully fed, cleaned, and changed his children with no complaints. The house and car ride was filled with conversations about how excited they were to see you again, asking how many more hours there was until they got to see you and if they were almost at the park.

Screams bounced off the roof of the car once Harry parked on the side of the curb; the twins had already taken their seatbelts off, getting antsy as they waited for their dad to open the car from the outside. Harry unbuckled Rory, carrying him until he rounded on the other side of the car to open the door for the twins. They quickly jumped out, clearly excited, but Harry did not forget to remind them that this was still a public area and anything could happen.

“Girls, slow down, please.” Estelle was holding Harry’s hand as Mira was holding her sister’s; Harry was still carrying Rory in his arms because his sister’s were practically lugging Harry with all their might, trying to get to their usual spot, so he didn’t want Rory to get hurt. “Loves, you know Y/N would tell you the exact same thing. Please, just slow down for me.” He pulled the Y/N card on them, knowing that they were better listeners with you than they are with him.

Once they were all close enough, they spotted a thick beige blanket under the tree with a picnic basket, and you sitting on top of it, setting everything up.

“Y/N!” The girls both screamed, Estelle letting go of Harry’s hand as they both ran towards you.

You looked up at the sound of your name, eyes brightening at the little girls running. “My Princesses! Hi, my loves!” You opened your arms widely, inviting the twins into your arms— they practically collided into your arms, making you fall onto your back since you didn’t get the chance to stand up—and embracing them with a big hug. Laughs came out of all of your mouths as wide smiles permanently stayed on your faces. “Oh, I missed you two so much!” You kissed both of their cheeks, making them giggle. You stood up, helping the girls up and brushed their clothes off with your hand from the grass. Harry and Rory were in sight, and Harry put the little boy down, making Rory run towards you. “My sweetheart, oh, you’ve gotten so big.” You hugged Rory to your chest, placing your hand behind his head as your other arm wrapped around his small body.

You were glad that Rory still had some memory of you, and didn’t shy away behind his father’s leg. You placed soft kisses on his cheeks, taking in his baby scent that you always loved.

After Rory was starting to fuss in your arms, most likely due to feeling overwhelmed from the lack of space, you let go of him before standing up.

“Hi, Y/N,” Harry greeted, offering a hug, which you gladly took.

You rubbed his back. “Hi, Harry. I’m so glad I’m here with you all.” You pulled away, smiling at him. Harry’s heart pounded against his chest at the sight of you smiling up at him. His heart did a backflip at the sight of your gorgeous smile, trickling all the way down to his stomach where it triggered the butterflies to release from the net.

“Please, we were all really excited to see you. So, thank you for agreeing.” His hand innocently ran down your arm, sending shivers down your spine.

You turned around to look at the kids who were making themselves comfortable on the blanket. You and Harry joined them as you sat in between Estelle and Rory, and Harry sat in between Mira and Rory.

“Okay, so I made some sandwiches. You all still like grilled cheese, right?” You hoped, and the twins nodded; you turned towards Rory. “What about you, sweet pea? Grilled cheese?” At the sound of cheese, Rory nodded his head and clapped his hands, making you smile.

Harry was so lost in his mind and heart that he was simply so distracted in helping you out as you unwrapped the sandwiches from the foil, putting them on a paper plate. He was just so fond of watching you interact with his children so naturally, like there was no time that was wasted when you and Harry were apart. And he was especially happy that the kids still loved you just as much as they did when you two were together; and how they still kept talking about you despite the breakup.

Aside from you and Harry, the kids had taken the breakup the hardest. From the knowledge they had based on what Harry and Laurie told them, they understood that their mommy and daddy couldn’t be together anymore due to adult reasons; it took them a while to adjust to that, but they eventually managed and figured it was better and more fun. But when Harry had to break the news on why they wouldn’t be seeing their ‘Pretty Fairy Second Mom’ anymore, they took it harder than expected. They simply looked at it as you didn’t want to see them anymore, which wasn’t the case at all, Harry explained.

“Sometimes adults need to take some time apart, loves. That does not mean that Y/N doesn’t love you anymore because she does very much, I can tell you that. But it's good to have some time to yourself, especially in a relationship.”

“But daddy, I thought you were gonna be together forever with Y/N,” Estelle spoke up, tears in her eyes. He was lucky that his kids loved you so much, and he never doubted that they weren’t going to. But his fear had come true when you two called it quits and he had to tell them the truth.

“And maybe we will, but as for right now, it’s best to be apart. Sometimes being apart saves the relationship rather than letting it burn,” he told them honestly, which was the best as he could explain it.

“D-Does Y/N still love you?” Mira asked softly. It wasn’t like Mira to be so soft spoken, which meant that the breakup had affected her deeply.

Harry sighed, grabbing both of their small hands. “She does,” he replied for the sake of more tears coming out of their eyes—plus, he was taking your word for it back at the cafe. “And she also loves you all so much too,” he reminded them again. What he really wanted to say was that maybe one day you two will get back together, but he really didn’t want to get their hopes up.

Looking back on his conversation from half a year ago, he was glad that he told them the truth on why you two broke up. He didn’t want to confuse his children even further, making them completely oblivious to the situation—he just wanted to be honest with them because he hoped you two would meet again and get back together at some point.

“Harry, would you like one?” You asked, bringing Harry back out of his thoughts. He smiled, nodding, not trusting his voice to speak; and you gladly handed him a plate with a sandwich, pouring some chips onto the side—his favorite chips, you still remembered.

“Thank you.” He smiled softly. The corners of your lips turned up as you bashfully looked at the picnic basket in front of you. You placed Rory’s plate in front of him as he seemed to have crawled to sit closer to you, and you cut out his sandwich into small pieces, along with cutting his grapes in half. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” He stopped you from what you were doing, ready to take Rory from your side as he didn’t want you to feel obligated to take care of him.

“Oh, if you don’t want me to, that’s fine. But I wouldn’t mind feeding him a bit.”

“If you want to.”

You gave him the sweetest grin, and Harry was lucky to be sitting down because his knees would give out on him if he were standing. “I want to.” He only nodded, a crimson color laid on his cheeks.

Harry comfortably watched as you made conversation with the twins as you fed Rory. You always gave them your undivided attention; your expression always lit up everytime they talked about something they were passionate about or interested in, and it just made Harry fall even more with how you were always so supportive in what his kids loved. You were always uplifting them, never dragging their hopes and dreams down.

After everyone was finished with their meals and had time to digest their food, the twins asked if they could go on the swings and Harry said yes. The tree that they were under was only a few feet away, so Harry had a clear view of his girls.

“You’re, like, a magician.” Harry suddenly said, breaking the silence once the girls were safely on the swing.

You chuckled. “How’s that?”

“It’s like hiring a magician at a party—everyone is so excited to see what they do and see them in general—you’re like that; the girls and Rory were so excited to see you.”

You playfully gasped, holding Rory to your chest. “You were excited to see me? Well, I was excited to see you!” You booped his nose, making Rory giggle.

“Fairy!” He exclaimed, and you and Harry laughed. Rory was a quiet two-year-old, but he picked up on keywords that he repeatedly said.

“So, are you seeing anyone?” You cut to the chase, skipping the small talk.

Harry chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Nope. Not entirely sure if anyone wants to date a thirty-four-year-old with three kids.”

You raised your brows in shock, and he knew that look you’re giving him very well—prepared to tease him; even though you weren’t that much younger than him either. “What? Do you think no one wants to date a hot dad? Harry, you’re peak-dilf, everyone wants to date you.”

“And what about you? Do you wanna date me? A dilf?” He teased; a smirk that you knew all too well appeared on his face, making you want to kiss it off, which was what you used to do.

Pursing your lips and cheeks heating up, you gave him an obvious look before you said, “Think you know the answer to that one, baby.” In all honesty, the pet name had slipped, and for a brief moment your eyes widened at the realization, but you brushed it off and continued with your confident and teasing attitude; and it worked quite well on Harry because he definitely heard what you used to call him loud and clear. It made his heart flutter as he missed you calling him that; he never wanted to hear that name come out of anyone else’s mouth because only yours would do it justice.

Harry was left to ponder about your response before you changed the subject, talking to Rory. “Sweets, do you wanna go on the slide?” The little boy jumped up and down, pulling your arm as he had a big smile on his face. You looked at Harry, and he gave you a nod, telling you that he would stay put and watch your belongings.

You and Rory walked hand in hand, or more like hand and finger, to the slide. It was an open purple slide with two sides, and it lasted about two seconds if you slid correctly and if the slide was slippery enough. You helped Rory step onto the playground as the dull metal steps were quite high for him to reach on his own before you guided him towards the slide.

Sitting down at the top and on the edge of the slide, you carried Rory into your lap, hyping him up for what he had been waiting for. “Ready, sweets? Are you ready?” Your tone was pure excitement as you squeezed and tickled his belly.

“Go, Y/N, go!” Directed Rory, and you scooted forward and held onto the sweet boy in your arms tightly as you two slid down the slide. Mouthfuls of squealing screams and giggles came from Rory’s mouth as he clapped his hands towards the end of the slide, causing you to cheer as well.

And the proper dad that he was, Harry clicked the red button on the screen to stop recording you and Rory from the slide. He zoomed in, capturing the bright smiles placed on his sweet boy’s and the love of his life’s face, screenshotting the perfect frame. He didn’t think the day could have gone any better than this; it was quite the perfect day, he thought.

When it was rounding two in the afternoon, Rory’s eyes were starting to droop, exhaustion taking over him from running around for almost an hour that his little body couldn’t keep up, so a nap was in his favor. He lazily looked up at you, reaching his arms up for you to carry him, which you happily held him. He settled his head on your shoulder, and it only took a few kisses and back rubs for him to be out like a light while the sun still shined in his face.

You walked over to the blanket, figuring it was time to call it a day at the park; Harry and the twins were running around nearby on the bedded grass area playing tag. They retreated to the blanket once they saw you with Rory in your arms, breaths heavy from their run.

“Oh, my sweet, sweet boy.” Harry sighed when he got to spot under the tree; you handed Rory to him, admiring the two boys cuddling as Harry pressed quiet and soft kisses to his son’s head. Since your lap was available, Estelle and Mira took the chance to finally be able to properly cuddle you since Rory was taking most of your attention. The girls took one leg each, and you wrapped your arms around their waist, kissing their shoulder.

The five of you stayed put for a while, calming down under the breezy weather that had started to pick up until it got even colder was when Harry decided it was time to leave. Luckily the girls were still awake to help with cleaning up, and were rather helpful because Harry was trying his best with Rory situated on one side of his body.

Once all of you were next to your cars, Harry placed Rory in his car seat as you were hugging the girls goodbye. You and Harry agreed that everyone was too tired to go out for some ice cream since all the twins wanted to do was lie down. Harry knew he didn’t want the day to end, even though it was still quite early, but the older he got, the tougher it was to keep up with his little children who just loved running around; a relaxing and peaceful night was calling him.

“Hey.” Harry closed the passenger door before he rounded the car to meet you on the grass. “I know we talked about going for ice cream today, but it seemed like we’re all too tired, but I was wondering…” he paused for a moment, a bit of hesitancy in his voice. “Would you like to come over? Maybe…for dinner, or to have a glass or w-water?” He scratched the back of his neck, nerves getting the best of him.

You smiled, thinking he was the absolute cutest when he was flustered. “Harry, I’d love to. Feels like I haven’t drank any water so I’m parched,” you teased.

He breathed out a laugh. “Okay, uh, I’ll see you home.” He gave you another smile before walking away and inside of his car, completely unaware of his choice of words.

Home. More specifically, Harry’s home. It was a place that made you feel safe, and if you’re being honest, it’s been too long since you’d had complete solace.

Your mental pep-talk throughout the drive toward Harry’s had helped in some way. Keeping it simple without driving your mind into overthinking every single thought, you laid it all down as if you were planning and preparing a business proposal.

You didn’t want to dive deep into what Harry’s invitation could entail—more like you didn’t want to get your hopes up on if you two were to get back together because the potential rejection you could face would absolutely crush you. Harry’s a kind and sweet guy, he’s simply inviting a friend over for a drink and dinner, if you could even call yourself that. Plus, it was still early to fully call it a day, and he planned for ice cream after the park, so he was fulfilling that promise of sweet dessert.

Without realizing, you’d been sitting in your car for a solid five minutes, staring over your steering wheel as you were parked on the curb in front of Harry’s house. Harry’s car was already in the driveway, so they were just waiting on you.

You walked towards the front door, and it swung open before you even got the chance to knock.

“Hey, thought you’d change your mind when you weren’t getting out of the car,” Harry joked, although that thought really crossed his mind when he peeked out through the window and saw you still in your car.

You chuckled nervously. “Oh, no. I wouldn’t.” You stepped inside his house, and a wave of nostalgia rushed through you as if you were at the beach and the harsh current knocked you over as you were trying to walk against the sandy wind.

Everything still looked the same—the same since the night you left without another word to the kids, just a note to Harry telling you to meet at the shop. A pinch of guilt appeared in your face as you frowned, and Harry immediately took notice, but you waved it off as you slightly smiled, telling him that you two would talk later. He didn’t press any further, waiting until later or when you were ready. Instead, he asked if you wanted anything to drink, to which he already knew you’d go for a class of Cabernet, and luckily, he had some in stock—more like, he still had the untouched bottle for when you stayed over.

The two of you leaned against the cold granite counter as music softly played on the speaker that was connected through Bluetooth on his phone. Conversations were light, but it wasn’t awkward in any sense. As a matter of fact, it felt just like old times when you would stay over his house, talking about each other’s day and simply enjoying the presence of one another. That’s what you think this was, you thought—enjoying the fact that Harry was in front of you after so many months and you were cherishing it until the next set of months went by.

After a few conversations and sips of wine later, the time had gone by fairly fast, which always happened when you were with him, and it was nearing five. The kids had woken up from their nap at four and quietly settled in the living room—the twins on the couch in front of the television and Rory was on the padded mat playing with his toys, occasionally talking to his sisters. Harry asked if you would be okay watching them so he could make dinner, and you were close to reminding him that he didn’t need to ask to watch his kids, but then again, you had to remind yourself that things were a bit different now. So, you said that you didn’t mind and walked over to the sofa chair next to the couch and watched TV with the girls as well as play with Rory.

Twenty-five minutes had gone by and Harry called everyone, announcing that dinner was ready. You all walked into the dining room, taking your seats. Your assigned seat was next to Rory’s chair, which was in between you and Harry; the girls were sitting across from you. Once everyone took several bites of Harry’s dinner--a quick fettuccine alfredo--the chatter was back. You enthusiastically listened to the girls and Rory talk; it made Harry smile, loving how natural everything felt.

Estelle tapped Harry’s shoulder, making him turn towards her with a smile on his face. “What is it, sunshine?” She got off her chair, leaning over to whisper something into his ear and he smiled, turning back to his family who was curious as to what Estelle had said. “Go ahead and ask her, love.”

You put down your fork and placed your arms on the table. “What’s up, Princess?”

“Uh, c-can we go to that place?”

“What place is that?” You asked curiously.

“That place where you told Daddy you loved him,” she responded quite bashfully. Your mouth was slightly open, not expecting her to say what she did. Looking over at Harry, he simply had a soft smile on his face with his brows raised, shrugging his shoulders.

Did you want to go back there? The answer was a simple yes. There wasn’t any excuse that you could possibly make up on the spot as to why you couldn’t go there, and it wasn’t necessarily a bad place whenever you thought about it. In fact, you really missed going over there and you would be lying if you said that you didn’t think about that place often.

Your head turned towards Estelle. “Sure, why not. How about we go tomorrow?” You asked everyone, and they all had smiles on their faces. You looked at Harry, directly asking him for permission. “Is that okay?” His elbow was resting against the arm of the brown chair, fingers placed under his lips as he slightly puckered his soft and pink lips; without looking under the table, you knew his legs were crossed. Harry smiled, nodding his head, and everyone cheered.

The rest of the time everyone was sitting at the dinner table, you all talked about plans for tomorrow, and everyone was really excited. Once it was almost eight, Harry realized that it was almost their bedtime, so he hurried them up the stairs to get ready for bed before saying goodnight to you, getting in as many hugs and kisses as they could get.

Harry was upstairs, changing Rory and putting him to bed before he walked down and found you in the kitchen washing dishes. He slipped past you, placing his hand along your lower back briefly before he grabbed the dish rag. The action sent a chill down your spine and you immediately missed his hands on you.

“The kids seem really excited about tomorrow.” Harry broke the silence, glancing over at you as you continued to wash the dishes.

You nodded. “Yeah, I’m really excited too.”

Harry noticed the slight shortness, and he thought it may be because you were tired. “Hey, are you okay?”

You turned off the water and faced him, crossing your arms as he did the same.

“Do the kids hate me?” The corner of his lips turned up before he started laughing, clutching his stomach. If it were any other time, you would obsess over his laugh; it was music to your ears, the highlight of your day, and the sun when it’s bright out. You softly slapped his arm. “Harry! I’m being serious!”

“Darling, you’re joking, right?” Your heart briefly fluttered at his nickname for you. “Those kids love you!” He noticed your change of attitude and that you’d been thinking about this for a while and beating yourself up over it.

“It’s just…I don’t want them to think that we broke up and I forgot about them. I mean I understand if they see it that way because I left without saying another word for six months--didn’t even get to say goodbye to them and have a proper talk. I just don’t want them to hate me.” You looked down at your feet as you played with the thin silver band on your middle finger.

Harry’s seen you in work mode, and it reeks confidence and power. You don’t need much reassurance during work unless it’s when your employees tell you that progress is moving along. But this was completely different; you needed all the reassurance that you could get to get it through your head that the kids that you’d come to love--from the moment you met them--don’t hate you. And Harry didn’t mind telling you over and over again.

“They were just that we split up, that’s all. But they quickly understood why.”

“What’d you tell them?” You asked curiously.

“The truth--that sometimes it’s better to be apart for a while rather than drive ourselves crazy. Told them that when the time is right, then maybe we’ll get back together.” The look in his eyes was so comforting that you immediately fell into them. Harry was always the best with giving you that extra reassurance that you and his kids need.

You felt the extra beat in your chest that pumped so harshly against your chest, but it was surrounded by butterflies, making it flutter throughout your body. As you looked so deeply into Harry’s beautiful green eyes, you realized one of two things; the first thing was that you never wanted to look so deeply into another person’s eyes unless it was Harry’s; and the second thing was that you were incredibly and overwhelmingly still in love with this man and his three children, and there hadn’t been a day that gone by where you weren’t.

Taking a deep breath, itches were crawling up your skin, begging you to say something. “D-Do you think it’s time?” Your voice asked shyly.

Harry was taken back by your question as he raised his brows. He couldn’t deny the nerves that he felt whenever he was around you, but your question seemed to have increased his nervousness.

“We’ve been separated for what feels like a long time now.” He paused, taking a deep breath as he recouped his thoughts to say the right words. “I think-”

“Daddy?” Yours and Harry’s head whipped towards the staircase, finding Estelle at the bottom of it with groggy eyes.

Harry walked towards his sunshine. “What is it, my love?” He kneeled down onto the bottom step, matching her height. Estelle told him that she couldn’t sleep, and that she’s been tossing and turning for a while, so Harry told her that he would lay with her until she fell asleep and carried her to her bedroom. He looked back at you as he was walking up the steps, and you gave him a soft smile, letting him know that it was completely okay.

You finished tidying up the kitchen, wiping down the counters and cleaning the dining table until you realized that you needed to get ready for tomorrow’s adventure.

Once Harry came down the stairs, he found you sitting on the edge of the armchair with your purse on your shoulder; you looked up as he walked up to you.

“I’m gonna head out.”

Harry’s slightly frowned. “Oh, you can stay the night if you want to.”

“No, it’s okay, thanks.” You really did want to stay the night, but you didn’t have a change of clothes for tomorrow. “I’ll be here tomorrow morning.” He nodded, walking you to the door, opening it for you.

You stepped out on his doorstep, turning around as you wrapped your arm around his waist, tiptoeing to plant a kiss to his cheek. The slightest bit of touch from your lips sent Harry’s skin on fire, warming up to the affection. The touch was sent away too quickly as you let go of him completely, giving him one last smile before walking to your car and waving at him as you drove away.

Harry closed the door, the palm of his hand cupped the cheek that you kissed and he sighed as if he was shot with Cupid’s love-arrow, and he wouldn’t mind it if it meant he would feel your affection every single day.

You arrived at the Styles household at ten in the morning with a tote-full of snacks and water, knowing the kids would get hungry from all the walking. You got there forty-five minutes earlier than planned, knowing that the Styles family wouldn’t be out the door right on time because Harry has three kids, two of them who bicker and complain from time to time—especially when they’re sleepy—and a two-year-old who was starting to run away from everything. So, you figured Harry would appreciate your help.

When Harry saw you standing on his doorstep, he let out a sigh of relief. He was still in his striped pajamas pants and a white t-shirt, holding a small pair of olive green pants. You walked in and saw Rory running around half naked, despite it being early in the morning. You told Harry that he could shower and get ready for the day, and to leave it to you because you’ll handle it—plus, you both knew that the kids often listened to you more than their own dad. He smiled appreciatively, kissing your head briefly before walking up the stairs and getting ready.

Once Rory saw you, he stopped running around the house and instead, ran towards you and into your arms. You carried him up the stairs and to his room to get some clothes on him, and luckily, Harry was able to bathe him before you showed up. You gave him his favorite toy to fumble with before you walked into Mira's room, setting Rory on her twin bed before helping her get ready. You left Rory in Mira’s room and went to Estelle’s bedroom, doing the same.

By the time Harry walked downstairs, you and the three kids were sitting on the couch, eating a banana. He smiled, slowing his steps as he was amazed at the quietness and stillness in the house, but then again, he wasn’t that amazed because he knew you’d come in and get things in order.

Harry’s home was a two minute walk to the train station, and everyone decided to take the train since it was what you and Harry did when you two were dating, and the kids really wanted to walk through the entire path of their father’s love story.

Luckily, there weren’t that many people on the train—it was practically empty—so they didn’t have to rush to get a spot for the kids. Rory sat in the middle of his sisters as they all smiled brightly towards Harry’s phone that was capturing the adorable children for a sweet memory sake. You and Harry were standing, making sure neither of the kids fell over if the train made a halting stop. You held onto the metal bar above you, Harry held the bar that was mounted into the floor, and you both watched the kids interact with one another—counting on their fingers, booping one another’s noses, and laughing; it was every parent’s dream.

Without noticing, Harry moved closer to you, placing his hand directly next to yours; the side of your hand touched his, and you looked at him with wide eyes while your heart fluttered. You were hip to hip, and you saw the smirk he had on his face while occasionally glancing over at you. You couldn’t help the heat that rose onto your cheeks because it felt like old times when you two used to ride the train together and it would get too packed to where you had to stand up; he would always face you as your hands touched—sometimes he would even intertwine your fingers together while you two held the bar as you were one—and he would hover over you, giving you plentiful kisses like the true romantic that he was.

The train ride took about 30 minutes and it was a two minute walk to the place that gave you so many happy memories and nostalgia—International Rose Test Garden was where the memories of you and Harry were stored.

You had the girls on either side of you, holding their hands; and Harry carried Rory since he was likely to run around and Harry didn’t want to risk his safety.

The sun was bright—beautiful for a day in the garden as the roses and flowers bloomed ever so widely. All of you walked the rows and rows of flowers, occasionally taking pictures in front of the rose bushes.

Remembering all the times you and Harry were hand in hand, laughing until your stomachs were sore, like you did an intense ab workout, and there were tears resting in the outer corner of your eyes. All the memories that were swirling around in your head made you come to the conclusion to one thing: you never want to be without Harry and his kids ever again.

You don’t know how it took you so long to realize this, maybe it was seeing them for the first time in six months that you realized that you had it great—a small family that accepted you and loved you for who you were, and you loved them just the same.

Harry walked beside you, the kids skipping and playing around in the grass in front of you two. Confidently, you slipped your hand into Harry’s ringed hand, immediately intertwining your fingers together as if your hand knew what it was missing. Harry briefly looked down before looking at you. He smiled, and turned his head back towards the kids, not making a big deal of it as his warm hand accepted the coldness of yours.

You gently tugged against his arm, pulling him back as he came face to face with you; a quiet gasp came out of his mouth when doing so. You looked up at him with bright eyes, and Harry was taken back to a year and a half ago where you, coincidentally, were in this same spot on the very green patch of grass.

“Harry…” you breathed out, looking down at your feet nervously. He made the bold move to step closer to you, chests almost touching. Harry lifted your chin up with his fingers, locking eyes with you so intently that you practically lost your breath.

“What is it?” He whispered.

Taking a deep breath, you said, “I-I realized something.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

Glancing over at the kids, they were giving you big smiles and thumbs up for reassurance, and your heart swooned at their support and love they provided you to finally get back together with their father, even if you weren’t their biological mother.

You looked back at Harry, who was waiting patiently. “I love you. I still do and never stopped.” Harry felt like he stopped breathing at that moment. “You make me so happy—you and the kids, and I don’t want to be without you all anymore. I-I don’t like how it’s only taken me this much time to tell you this, but it felt like the perfect time since this was the place where I first told you I loved you.”

Harry smiled, taking your hands into his. His thumbs smoothed your skin on the back of your hand before he brought them up to his lips and kissed them so delicately. The action made you smile softly before your mind had switched it to thinking that it was affection before the rejection.

But then he opened his mouth to speak such beautiful words that you had been aching to hear during the breakup.

“You’re my everything. I truly don’t know what I’d do without you because you. You’re part of my source of happiness, and life didn’t feel the same without you—the kids could agree with me on that.” He chuckled, looking at them to find them holding hands and jumping around in circles. “But I know that we separated for the better only for us to come back stronger than ever, and I’m never gonna let go of you again, okay?”

Tears pricked your eyes before they streamed down your cheeks. Your heart felt like it was pounding harder than ever, but it was filled with so much love from and for this man in front of you.

Harry wiped away your tears, leaning in to kiss your forehead, down to your eyelids as he kissed your tears away. He pulled away and you opened your eyes, giving each other a relieved and happy smile.

“I love you,” he said, and he swore he saw the brightest smile he’s ever seen—brighter than the sun. “Always have and always will.”

“And I love you. C-Can you kiss me, please?”

Harry grinned. “It would be an honor.”

Placing his palms on the side of your face, he leaned his forehead against yours. Your hands were wrapped around his wrists, rubbing his skin softly. With a smile, he kissed you with such softness and passion that the flowers bloomed largely and the sun shined ever so brightly. The kids cheered and clapped, making bystanders think that you’d just gotten engaged, but you both knew that would be the next step. Your stomach was in knots, butterflies surrounding your body as he captured your lips with his. Hugging Harry’s waist, you pulled him closer and wrapped your arms around him, and he kissed you harder, effortlessly moving his lips in sync with yours as if he was a pro on kissing you, which he was.

Harry pulled away first, giving you several pecks before opening his eyes. “God, I missed doing that. Missed you so much, darling.”

“I missed you too, baby.” You were high on happiness, high on love. “I’m sorry it took us this long.” A slight frown appeared on your face, but Harry kissed it away.

“Hey, hey. None of that. I would’ve loved you until the end of time. I don’t care how long it took, you’re my forever,” he vowed, not planning to break that promise.

Missing his lips on yours, you leaned up to kiss him again while your arms were wrapped around his neck and his were around your waist, holding you tightly as if he was afraid you’d run off.

Suddenly, you started giggling into the kiss, making Harry smile before he pulled away.

“What’s so funny?” He asked. You started thinking about the conversation from the park when you asked him if he was seeing someone.

You curled in your lips before you said, “You’re a literal dilf, and I’m so in love with you.”

please tell me all of your thoughts, feelings, favorite moments and scenes! thank you for reading <3

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles ff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x yn #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles reader insert #harry styles au #dad!harry #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine

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tahdashi · 3 years ago

Note

🎉 NEW GAME: Introduce your mutuals to everyone and what do you think of them? 🎉

Hope you’re having a splendid day sayu!

ooh i saw a couple of my moots do this !! i'll do the ones i talk to the most bc it's easier for me mwah (i genuinely think i bother them on a daily basis, and if not daily, more than i should)

this is in no particular order !!! self-ship moment 🤕

@rindouphiliac [#yuris] ris (my bf yeah) is so precious to me <3 they're the main reason i started writing and i look up to them sm !!! and and and i love talking to them about anything and they don't mind when i rant so mwah extra points <333 i think we're really cute together and would do anything to be w them rn (don't tell rindou)

@skniven [#shoyu] shona's my gf :0 pls she's so precious and pretty and angelic and i love her with my whole heart <3 we already picked out our wedding song and everything. and i like when she calls me pet names bc i get flustered v easily

@sourstars [#sandora] pandora is literally my other half. my scary dog privilege. she's so creative and funny and can tolerate my ranting (which is a lil too often sorry bby) and i love hearing her stories, too. i think we'd get along really well if we knew each other irl bc we seem like such opposites !! AND she's such a good writer i'm always in awe when she shows me what she's working on :0

@atsumiye [#riyu] riya (aka owner of dad!hq) is who i wanna be when i'm her age. she's smart and funny and so so talented !! i love everything she writes and we're getting merch made for each other bc we're each others' biggest fans. ALSO i'm blaming riya for my baby fever.

@sugamintchocochip [#saia] maia my beloved <3 he's literally so precious bc he sends me sunset pics all the time :,) i love it sm and !!! maia always checks up on me and is so so sweet :( truly one of the kindest people i've met on here mwah

@bokutoism [#saryu] ryu my pretty baby !! ryu's the sweetest angel ever lemme tell you guys. every time they message me or pop up in my inbox i smile. wow their power !! and i have the urge to hold ryu's hand 24/7. kidding not really. also their works. oh my god. literally drooling at my screen every time i go through their masterlist.

@mysterystarz [#novyu] nova and i are a lot alike i think!! we both <3 keiji and suffer through school :,) (although i'm sure she's doing far better than i am) she's so sweet and intelligent and HARDWORKING !!! talking to her is like a breath of fresh air :,) and she reminds me so much of my high school self <33 i love her

@tetsuphobia [#hanyu] hannah's my wife. we had a halloween wedding we're getting married again in the winter bc i wanna kiss under the mistletoe !!! ok but fr hannah's so precious to me bc i remember freaking out when we became moots bc she's so TALENTED. and funny. and pretty. and sweet. and i love her. and and and omg she's so comforting i literally have a mental breakdown every day and i think of her sweet words all the time. also, she makes me soup <33 best roommate ever

@yutari [#savyu] sav's gonna be my first kiss i'm in love w her and she's also the best roommate ever <3 i also think i freaked out when we became moots bc hello. TALENT. and she's really pretty and caring and loving <33 i like when she tells me about iwa and ball they're so cute. and omg whenever i talk to sav she's so sweet i wanna cry i feel so loved </3 can't wait to give her a lil smooch !!!

@melsun [#melayu] mel's my angel omg he's so fun to talk to and i love hearing about his cute moments w mystery girl hehe pls i can't help but think of atsumu n sakusa when i think of mel. ALSO i love when mel checks up on me and pops up in my inbox he does a good job of making sure i feel loved <333 conversations with mel are always fun and he's so so so talented !! melsun supremacy tbh.

@titsuya [#yusar] sar is so sweet i love talking to her so much. our friendship is an example of how fan behavior works sometimes /j 😌 i was her #1 fan before i started writing and look at me now <3333 still her #1 fan. actually i was so scared to talk to her when we became moots bc i was like :000 intimidated but she's the sweetest ever and so relatable. (we're both hot, vegetarians, college students, and poc. the sexiest combo).

@fsrintaro [#honyu] HONEY my beloved <33 she's so cute and hot and i love her. she gives off the best vibes ever and we bond over tig biddies <333 as we should tbh. omg once she woke me up with the cutest message and i fell in love all over again. i'd do anything for my honey and i really hope i can study abroad so i can meet her and take her out on a nice date >:) she deserves it !!! smooches

@kiyelle [#isayu] ISABELLE my wifey !!! one of the first moots i started talking to. she's so SWEET and pretty i'm completely head over heels for her. not only is she incredibly talented, she's also so hardworking, smart, and angelic. (i think i always use the word angelic to describe her bc there's no other word !!! she's truly an angel !!) every interaction i have with her makes me feel so warm n happy and i'm so glad i started talking to her. i'd do anything for her i'm gonna fly to france rn just to give her a lil smooch.

@faetarou [#faeyu] fae my pretty bby. i love talking to fae and interacting w her. and she has such good hcs. pls. i think about them all the time. AND she's the most thoughtful person ever how can someone be that sweet and caring and loving??? she once passed on a note from keiji and i wanted to sob it was so cute i'll never get over it.

#hi i love you guys #SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONEAKSH #i'm gonna cry if i did #i just looked through my most recent discord messages #sayu plays!

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maybankxw · 3 years ago

Note

(hi babyyy<33 congratulations on your 700 followers!! you deserve at least 100x the amount and a kiss from the two boys u write so beautifully for!!)

i would like to request a rafe hc! an angsty one, maybe based off the song 'a little death' by the nbhd?? or 'beautiful crime' by tamer u can chose whichever! those two are my fav songs of all time and im so exicted to see what u do with any of them! im zoe as u know already!! im a bit of an impulsive person if im being honest, but i also try to see the good in each person and dont want to judge anyone (unless they're a rlly shitty person obviously) i love love bickering in a loving way, the same way you would bicker with your family/friends! i rarely trust people entirely, i think the only person u can really count on is yourself cause u dont know what other ppl are truly like and their real motives, im a v loyal person to my friends and others, but other than that im a quite positive person and i love bringing other some kind of comfort through advice and other stuff!

i hope i included everything u need, good look with your event its such a great idea, im so excited to see what u come up with <33

hi sunshine!! thank u soooo much! i love u bby <3 thanks for requesting, i'm beyond happy to write something for you, i hope you’ll like it, mwah <333

Low rumble of Rafe’s voice made you shiver as he kept groaning, “Yeah, the two of us,” he gritted his teeth in annoyance as you stood with your arms folded on your chest, listening to the slight tap sound of a keyboard, while the receptionist checked you in.

It was around 3 in the morning. The hotel was silent and dark, one lamplight blinking irritatingly in the corridor as you made your way to the room 127. Your shoulders visibly tensed, breaths ragged as you anticipated the upcoming fight.

The room was cold and dump, the moon casted a dim glow onto the queen-sized bed and a small nightstand drawer, the door banging as Rafe pushed it way too hard. “Can you not?” you scolded.

These little fights, which happened almost every night, must’ve gotten old, but they also kept your relationships going — throwing tiny splinters into the small flame to make a great fire.

Black duffel bag rested on the crumpled carpet next to the bed, which Cameron cruelly threw on the floor. He took the bottle out and set it on the wooden surface, the pack of cigs followed.

The bed was made, but in a few hours these sheets would become a mess. The bottle full, sparkling in the moonlight, would be half empty in a few minutes.

“You’re so fucked,” he hissed, twisting the cup off, taking a few gulps of vodka as you watched him with a puzzled face. Rafe made up something in his head about you and one of your friends, again. “You want to be with him, don’t you?”

You leaned against the stone cold wall, closing your eyes, exhaling abruptly, deciding not to reply yet. When your eyes snapped opened he stood in front of you, handsome, but stupid, raging, furious about nothing, “Answer me,” his palm met the wall next to your head. You didn’t even wince.

He never hurt you, even if he was completely out of his mind, he wouldn’t let himself lay his hands on you, harm in any way.

“You know nothing happened, stop making shit up,” you pushed his chest slightly, making your way to the balcony to get a gulp of fresh air.

"Don't walk away from me like that."

"I'm not."

“Wanna dance with me?” he mumbled into the back of your neck as he closed the distance, following you outside, snaking his arms around your waist as you both started swaying from side to side to the sound of the wind and your mingled breathing. Two shadows on the wall.

“It can’t keep happening, Rafe.”

“What do you mean by that?” he spun you around, narrowing his eyes at you, his hands down his sides and off of your body.

“You have to stop doubting, suspect, you have to trust me.”

“You make it complicated.”

“I thought complications get you going.”

With shaky hands he retrieved a cigarette and a silver lighter from his pocket, metal clinking as he opened and lighted the bundle. White smoke filling the space between you two. “Do you love me?”

“What’s that question?”

“Do you love me, Zoe?”

“What are you trying for Rafe? You know the answer.”

“Can I touch you?” he inhaled the poisonous fume in, bending his head to study your features, the moon framing your face and hair, scattering all over bare shoulders, “You can.”

Rough pads of his fingertips tightened on your chin as he stared in your eyes, “Did you kiss him?”

“No,” you said calmly, holding his gaze, lips parted as you felt the tension between you both rising up, "I wouldn't."

“Okay,” he whispered, blowing the smoke out to the side, moving his huge palm into your hair, tangling them, "I trust you," he nodded his head, lip pouting slightly as he dived in for a kiss, rough and bitter.

That’s how he showed his affection.

playlist: ・ a little death by the neighbourhood; ・ robbers by the 1975; ・affection by cigarettes after sex; ・ sextape by deftones

#rafe cameron #rafe obx #headcanon #rafe cameron headcanon #outer banks

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milkiane · 4 years ago

Text

revelations and confessions

pairings: regulus black x reader

warnings: mentions of food, mention of abuse, manipulative parents, getting tied up, jily, implied wolfstar

word count: 5548

note: for @rcwenaclaw’s writing challenge — this is my favorite fic so far <3 s/o to @iwritesiriusly and @hellounicorn for listening to me rant and and rave about y/n and reggie, u’re the best mwah

“... and you would be married to the crowned heir of grimmauld by the end of the month,” your father declared.

if you have been listening to what you’ve been blindly agreeing to, you would have had the opportunity to assert your own appraisals of the sudden betrothal.

you choked on your food, earning concerned gasps and theatrical pats by the maids, “‘m fine, ‘m fine,”

your parents stared at you with iffy looks as you cleared your throat, “i thought we’ve agreed years ago that i wouldn’t be betrothed to some high-strung bloke i’ve never met before?”

your mother pursed her lips before giving you a well-mannered response, “well, dear, we ought to make some amends with that agreement,”

you just stared at her with a blank expression so she continued, “and we believe that it would be for the amelioration of our country, considering that the blacks are quite exceptional and-”

“and rich?” you smiled derisively, cutting her off.

your father looked around the royal maids and guards around the dining room, “may you excuse us for a moment?” to which they nodded and left.

he sighed, “look, y/n, i’m aware that you’re upset-”

you scoffed, “i am more than upset, father. you agreed that i will be married on my own time, on my own accord,”

“and i am the king, you ought to meet my commands.” your father bellowed, slamming the silver utensils on the table, making you and your mother flinch.

he cleared his throat, calming himself down, “tell your matron to arrange your attire for this week, we must meet the blacks tomorrow evening at the grand chateau, and i shan’t hear any more complaints.”

“yes, father,” you mumbled, excusing yourself from the table to make your way towards your bedroom, eyes becoming glassy from the upcoming tears.

you arrived at the chateau a few hours before the royal gathering with the blacks, meaning you would have enough time to devise an escape plan.

you haven’t spoken to your parents unless you’re absolutely required to, you know that you shouldn’t be disobeying them, but they should have known from just acknowledging your mindset and behavior.

you weren’t the usual prim and proper princess, no. you are your own person, you’re noble when strictly necessary, but, in all honesty, your personality was far from dainty.

you wouldn’t have chosen to have this life if you could. as fun as it was to play dress up in magnificent ball gowns, you would have chosen a life full of adventures, skinny jeans, crop tops, and dyed hair instead.

the matron knocked on your door, bringing in the gorgeous dress robes that you’re supposed to wear for later evening.

you gratefully smiled at her, asking her to give yourself some time to prepare by yourself until the formal reception.

as you hung it over with your other dresses and gowns, you walked towards the balcony, breathing in some fresh air. it had a clear view of the beautiful gardens of the chateau, the same balconies from your left and right.

you flopped yourself down on the queen-sized bed, staring at the ceiling as you thought of possible ways to avoid the betrothal.

none of your ideas sounded good enough, so you turned on the television in front of your bed to distract yourself from the inevitable proposal.

flipping through the channels, you stopped to watch audrey hepburn’s roman holiday.

when you’ve watched the scene where she snuck out of the castle, an idea popped up in your head. you knew it was impossible, of course, but it was worth a shot.

you glanced at the clock, you still had at least an hour and a half before the matron would come back to get you.

grabbing the satchel you’ve bought at a fair once, you made your way towards the elegant bathroom. you shuffled through the things, you knew that if your mother found out about your clandestine possessions, she would go calling you atrocious for merlin knows how long.

you slipped on your cargo shorts and a halter top. you stared at your long hair, you knew that if you wanted to slip away easily from the guards’ line of vision, you had to make some adjustments.

you grabbed the scissors from the corner of the countertop, taking a deep breath before snipping a lengthy portion.

you let out a hushed squeal, laughing as you stared at the chopped-off hair. you continued cropping and trimming until your hair became an uneven bob cut.

not bad, you grinned, cutting a few more strands to add curtain bangs, impeccable.

you scuffled deeper into the bag, your hand retrieving a bagged pink wig. perfect.

you started packing a few essential needs in your satchel.

you looked out the window, the sun had set an hour ago, meaning it was dark out. which also means it would be easier for you to sneak out.

you had at least ten minutes before meeting the blacks so you immediately stared across the room, looking for something to act as a rope.

stopping at the closet of gowns, you groaned in reluctance. you loved your gowns too much but you wouldn’t risk getting married, so you grabbed the scissors, ripping them up and tying them together.

once you’ve ensured that it was tight enough, you fastened it around the huge handles of the door and threw your makeshift rope out the balcony.

when you heard the whispers and footsteps of people coming you hastily grabbed your bag and ran towards the balcony.

you carefully grabbed onto the silk, lowering yourself down.

a noise from your right caught your attention, making you freeze. you snapped your head to the balcony next to you and made eye contact with a boy doing the same thing.

your prolonged eye contact was cut short when the doors to your room burst open, making you yelp in surprise as your rope had a sudden shift.

you could hear your matron holler for the guards, so you briskly lowered yourself faster, the friction of the silk burning against your hands.

you landed on your feet the same time as the mysterious guy did.

he made a run for it, dodging the bushes and flowers across the garden. his trousers not giving him any justice.

you were not too far behind him, thanking merlin that your yoga and workout lessons paid off.

the yells of the guards caught your attention, surrounding you and the man in the middle.

they all pointed their blades at you, making you gulp.

there goes your escape plan.

“which one of you has the princess?” a guard shouted, shifting the lamp between you and him. each one of the men slowly closing in on you.

that’s when you realized that they weren’t your palace guards. they were merely the chateau’s security.

“does it look like we have a princess with us?” the boy beside you refuted, gesturing between the both of you.

ten guards.

one of them asked their superintendent, “what was the description given?”

“long h/c hair, s/c skin, e/c eyes, last seen wearing a peach nightgown,”

they turned their gaze back at you, one of them approaching you to take a good look, “wait a minute,”

you sucked in a breath, but before any of you could make a move, the guy grabbed your hand and ran, swerving through the distracted guards.

“oi!”

but you already had a head start, you were out of the gates and into the forest the moment they called for backup.

you ran, and ran, and ran.

the adrenaline coursing in your veins had done nothing to stop you from running, it made you feel so free, so alleviated.

so alleviated that you didn’t notice the huge rock that made you stumble, but before you could even hit the ground, the man caught your arm, pulling you against him.

and you were certain that time stopped when you finally locked eyes with him. specks of green and blue surrounding his alluring hazel eyes.

they said that when you meet someone for the first time, they would either be nothing more than another face amongst the crowds of memories or a face that would be burning at the back of your mind for a long time.

it was the latter.

the moonlight was shining over the both of you, the soft light making him look so ethereal. his celestial facial structure giving the famed sculptures a run for their money.

regulus looked at you in awe, neglecting the fact that you almost fell flat on your face. his gaze fell onto your gentle e/c eyes, the smooth arch of your nose, and the sleek curve of the cupid’s bow on your lips.

you would’ve loved staying in that position, admiring the young man for the first time every chance you would be given, but alas, the distant shouts of the guards forbade you from doing it any longer.

“who are you, anyway?” the guy asked. after successfully carrying out your escape plan, with your pink wig askew, he offered to buy you a mug of warm butterbeer at the nearby pub; the leaky cauldron.

you removed the wig from your head’s hold, ruffling your hair a bit to soothe the headache. your eyes searched around the room, looking for a possible new name.

“erm,” guest singer, liane moonshine, “miliane…” holyhead harpies quidditch poster, “harper.” you finished, “miliane harper, yeah,”

he eyed you suspiciously as he took a sip from his drink, “alright, miliane harper, what’re you doing sneaking out’f the princess’ bedroom like that?”

“i could ask you the same thing, stranger,” you mused, fiddling with the straps of your satchel.

“regulus,” he said, “call me regulus,”

“what were you doing sneaking out next door, regulus?”

“i asked you first,” he said, shooting you a pointed look.

thinking of a reasonable explanation, you mumbled, “stealing?” you winced, cursing yourself for hesitating.

“a’right, here’s the deal, miliane harper, because i know f’myself that you aren’t who you claim to be and you certainly weren’t there to steal,” he whispered, leaning in ‘til his face was a few inches away from yours, “now, ‘m gonna ask you one last time, who. are. you?”

you gulped, faintly murmuring your answer, “the crowned heiress of diagon.”

“salazar,” regulus cursed, “you’re princess y/n?”

you shushed him, shoving your hand to cover his mouth as a few heads turned to look at the both of you. you were certain that your parents have sent a search team to look for you by now.

“yes, but be quiet, would you?” you hissed, retracting your hand to curtain your face with your hair, avoiding the curious gazes amongst the patrons.

he blinked at you, leaning back on his chair. he observed your appearance for a bit before snorting, “your hair, it’s uneven!”

your face flushed a deep shade of red, your hand automatically clutching your hair. you scowled at him, “how long have you been aching to tell me that?”

he chuckled, “ever since you took off your wig,” seeing that you rolled your eyes, he continued, “don’t worry, y/n, you look quite beauteous, if i must say.”

“i don’t require you to flatter me, regulus,” you scoffed, grabbing your mug to take a drink, though before the rim of the mug reached your lips, regulus set a few galleons down on the table and spoke up, “as fun as it was to meet you, your highness, i’ve got some places to go,”

“what?”

“good luck with this endeavor of yours, but i mustn’t risk being one of your accomplices,” he quipped, wearing his sweater, “fare thee well.”

it took you a moment to finish your drink and grab your things before leaving the low-lit pub. your eyes searched amongst the throng of people, trying to catch the sight of his brunette curls.

you hurried beside him, trying to avoid bumping into the others. you grew quite fond of the handsome lad who ran with you, despite the fact that he was still nothing but an enigma to you.

“mind if i join you?” you sought, clasping your hands in front of you, walking side-by-side with him.

regulus groaned silently, he looked down at you and sarcastically replied, “it’s a free country,”

you rolled your eyes and responded with a retort of your own, “actually, it’s a monarchy occupied by foreign oppressors.”

he ignored your sardonic comment and asked you a question to defuse the gauche atmosphere, “why’d you run away, princess?”

you looked at him, “y’know, i’m not really obliged to answer your question,”

“i… am well aware of that,” he huffed amusingly, “but given the fact that we’re going merlin knows where, i’d rather have a conversation going than walking in utter silence.”

regulus had a gist of why you ran away, assuming that you had the same reason as him.

you laughed softly before staring at your white tennis shoes, “‘ve been betrothed, and i was s’pposed to meet the lucky bloke who’ll have my hand in marriage,”

regulus swallowed the lump in his throat.

“what about you, regulus?” you asked, “why were you running away?”

“oh,” he let out a nervous laugh, “i- stealing.”

you gave him a keen look, “i used that excuse not too long ago, if you’ve forgotten,”

he smiled tensely, “f’real though, the prince owed me something, and i’d be pleased if he returned the favor.”

you huffed, not sure if you’d believe him, but thankfully for regulus, you caught sight of your palace guards questioning some people about your whereabouts, “shit,”

you immediately linked your arm with his and whispered, “palace guards, let’s go. just- act normal,”

he carefully unhooked your hold, opting to snake his arm around your waist instead, evidently making both of you flustered.

you let out a sigh of relief when you passed by them without causing any havoc, though it was short-lived when one of them called out, “excuse me, sir, ma’am?”

the both of you continued walking, slightly hurrying your steps.

regulus hauled a carriage and helped you get in, “godric’s hollow, please,”

the guards left standing behind, one of them writing down the descriptions of the suspicious couple and the carriage they’re in.

“where are we?” you asked, looking up at the lovely cottage amongst the rows of houses.

regulus sighed, “godric’s hollow,” he walked up from the gate and knocked on their doorstep, stepping back to wait for someone to open the door.

you hummed, “alright, but what exactly’re we doing here?”

merlin must’ve been on his side again because before he could even reply, a beautiful red-headed woman opened the door.

she must’ve been taken aback for a moment because her eyebrows shot up and mouth agape. she stuttered, “i- regulus, hey,”

“evans,” he nodded politely, “is, erm, sirius with you?”

she licked her lips, “it’s actually potter now,” she showed her wedding ring, “and uhm, yes, give me a moment.”

she shuffled back inside, letting the door open but didn’t make a move to invite you in.

“she’s lovely,” you jutted out your bottom lip.

“reggie?” another man, another attractive man, whom you were assuming was sirius, inquired.

“sirius,” he greeted.

the tension was so thick that you could feel it enveloping you with warmth. or that may just be because of the additional presence of the bespectacled man behind the redhead.

“i don’t mean to be rude but are we all going to just stand in here,” you awkwardly shuffled on your feet, “or are you gonna let us in?”

sirius looked at you in wonder, “i- oh, yes, yeah!”

the man whose presence was still looming over, blinked at him, a small smile tugging at his lips as he huffed amusingly at his best friend, letting you in. you looked around the house, the atmosphere giving you a sense of comfort and a feeling of home you’ve never felt.

“james potter,” he grinned at you, “and this is my lovely wife, lily.”

“y/n l/n, the heiress of dia--” you paused, “actually, it’s just y/n. sorry, force of habit.” you chuckled sheepishly, fiddling with your fingers as they looked at you in surprise.

you wondered if you could trust that they wouldn’t send you back to your kingdom.

“you’re the crowned princess of diagon?” lily spluttered.

you smiled bashfully, “i may or may not be?”

“merlin, what’re you doing here? guards’re all over the place, knocking on doors n’all,” sirius remarked, his eyes not leaving yours.

“i also may or may not have ran away?” you grinned, scrunching your nose which both the black brothers found quite endearing.

“i would love to continue the chit chat, but d’you mind letting us stay here for a while?” regulus interrupted, but before they could even answer, a knock was heard from the door, “diagon sovereignty wards, we’ve got a couple of questions to ask.”

you cursed silently, sirius and lily quietly ushered you into the living room whilst james went to get the door.

“good evening, sir, we’ve been alerted that you’ve had some contact with these people?” a guard asked, pulling up a sketch of you and regulus.

james smiled warmly, “i’m sorry, but i reckon you’ve got the wrong person. ‘tis just me and my wife, and my best mate in ‘ere,”

they nodded politely, “that’ll be all. thank you, sir, have a great evening.”

as soon as he closed the door, james sauntered back into the living room, looking at the worrying looks on your and regulus’ faces.

he and lily exchanged glances before she smiled softly, “i’ll go prepare the guest room.”

it was deep into the night, the potter household was surrounded by a quiet and serene atmosphere as the people living in it had already dozed off, yet you and regulus were far from drifting off to a dreamy slumber.

both of you had your backs against the headboard of the queen-sized bed you were supposed to share, staring into the void of nothingness as you let the comfortable aura rage around you.

“regulus?” you whispered. as if once you’ve spoken even a tad bit louder, the brittleness of the atmosphere would break.

he turned to look at you, “yeah?”

“what’s your biggest regret in life?” you wondered, voice laced with drowsiness. the adrenaline from a while ago slowly fading away, now being replaced with exhaustion.

regulus pondered for a moment. he had a lot of regrets, letting his parents abuse him and sirius, letting sirius just leave him alone in the dark and lonely castle, not living his best childhood. he had plenty, and lying to you was one of them.

he hummed, “i suppose being a coward,”

you fluffed your pillows and lowered yourself on the bed. you yawned, “i don’t think you’re a coward, regulus. after all, you just ran away with a princess.”

regulus looked at you fondly, watching as you slowly succumbed to sleep. he smiled softly, “yeah,”

your stay with the potters, and sirius, has been wonderful. you’ve felt more at home in godric’s hollow than in your palace. no amount of grandeur wealth would compare to the amount of love and belonging you’ve felt in your sojourn.

regulus has successfully managed to keep their mouths shut about him being a prince as well. the conversation and intention still went unnoticed by you.

you and lily have been the bestest of friends. the sweet girl that made you feel more at home than anyone else could, an evident friendship blossoming into a charming one.

james and sirius welcomed you into their arms as if you were one of their long-lost mates, and quite literally if you must say. they locked you beneath their armpits and ruffled your hair one game night.

you were convinced that james was the human embodiment of a ball of sunshine, never failing to put a smile on your faces. sirius had more of a flirty demeanor, which you’ve brushed off with a quip or two of your own.

“does the princess have a prince charming or do i have to step up?”

“not every prince is charming, sirius.”

and regulus— you’ve grown closer to regulus than you’ve ever had with anyone, getting to know each other more, spending more late nights talking about everything and nothing, and not that any of you would admit it, but inevitably falling in love was part of the list.

you and lily were in her room, she was lending you some clothes to wear as all of you have made a plan to go to the market fair in town.

james was on the phone with remus, asking him to meet up at the place whilst sirius and regulus were in the living room, catching up after a few years of not seeing each other.

sirius has grown quite fond of the princess. not that he was catching feelings, but a date wouldn’t sound too bad, if he must say, so he asked his brother, “d’you reckon y/n would fancy a date w’me? maybe i could bring her to hogsmeade,”

and to say that he was dumbstruck when he heard that was an understatement, “what? no, you can’t,”

sirius looked at him with a confused expression, “how come?”

regulus hesitated, “she’s… betrothed.”

the eldest black brother scoffed, “yeah, t’you, and she doesn’t even know that you’re that bloke,”

regulus shook his head, sitting up straight as he heard your giggles from upstairs, “just- don’t, sirius.”

padfoot grinned at his brother in realization, “by the love of merlin! you love her, don’t you?” he teased, bumping their shoulders together.

“let’s go, handsomes, i’m not getting any younger here!” you laughed. regulus thought you looked angelic, the white dress hugging your curves in the most surreal way possible, the smile on your face proving that any blue day would get better with just a glimpse of it.

“this isn’t over, reggie,” sirius sang mockingly, getting up and linking his arm with yours.

the market fair in godric’s hollow is incredibly enchanting. fairy lights were hanging above the booths, multitudes of colorful stalls, the smell of the amazing street food, and the bubbly spirits of the people mingling around had you in a state of awe.

you went in separate groups, lily with james, sirius went off to find remus, and you were stuck with regulus— not that you were complaining, really.

you dragged regulus by one of the stalls that sold clothes, wanting to buy a few to avoid borrowing more from lily.

you were currently strolling around with him, your shopping bags in his hold as he insisted to carry them for you.

whilst you stopped to look at the fancy daggers, regulus caught sight of a gorgeous necklace. convincing himself that it would only take a few minutes, he left your side and onto the booth to buy the jewelry for you.

once you’ve managed to choose a design, you paid for the dagger and strapped it on your thigh with the holster you bought, “it’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

when he didn’t reply, you looked up to where he was standing just a few moments ago to find that he wasn’t by your side.

you crooned your neck to look around but instead of seeing him, you saw your palace guards slowly approaching you.

you cursed, turning around and running away from them, making them step up quickly and ran after you.

“regulus!” you called out, hoping that he’ll hear you.

“regulus!” you tried once more, and he finally heard you. he immediately pocketed the paid necklace and dropped the bags as he tried to run after you, “y/n!” but it was too late.

the guards were already surrounding you, two of them managed to carry you to a carriage while you thrashed around, “let me go! i don’t want to go back, please!” you cried, “regulus!”

regulus was running around the big plaza, trying to figure out where your voice was coming from.

the carriage was already a menacing dot as it continued to advance forward, leaving regulus frustrated and broken.

“what were you thinking running away like that?” your father barked, pacing back and forth on the castle’s lounge, “d’you know how ashamed we were when we found out that you snuck off? even more so whe-”

your father stopped talking when your mother gave him a stern look. an expression you know all too well when they didn’t want you to know something.

“it came to our attention that you ran away with regulus, yes?” your mother asked, giving you a tense smile.

you didn’t answer. looking at your parents with hatred as your eyes blurred with tears.

she sighed, “well, if you must know, he was the one who called for the guards. he knew about the huge amount of payment if someone gave you up. he contacted the palace guards before you even stepped foot in that repugnant marketplace.”

“no,” you let out a teary laughed, “regulus would never do that,”

he would never. especially after all those moments you’ve shared, those constant touches, the sneaky eye contacts. he would never.

“no? then where was he when you called for him?” your mother scoffed, a sly smirk on her face.

you glared at them, taking a shaky breath, “i-”

she tutted, “i’m not done just yet, my dear daughter. you will be married to lord riddle, on the contrary, seeing that the walburga and orion’s son was quite… negligent,”

“i will not be married to anyone!” you objected, “if there’s anyone i’d rather get married to, it would be regulus.”

your mother let out a cackle, “quite amusing if you asked me, dear, because regulus was the prince you were supposed to marry!”

you froze, managing to croak out a small, “what?”

your father chuckled, “oh, don’t tell me he didn’t tell you that?”

you swallowed the forming lump in your throat, “i hope you rot in hell.”

your mother scowled at you, “guards! bring her to the room.”

“i don’t need bodyguards surrounding me all the time, mother,” you spat, “i may be of the royal bloodline, but i am no weakling.”

“... and don’t forget to tie her up,” she smirked.

before you could even react, you were hauled up by your arms, screaming at them to let you go.

you made sure to give them a hard time while they walked up the stairs. once arriving at your room, they threw you on the carpeted floor with a right thump.

you flailed around, whimpering as they tied your arms and legs, “stop, stop, stop. please,” but they paid you no mind, leaving you alone in the dark.

after a few hours of trying to remove the rope from your limbs, and a few chaffings later, you ultimately gave up on trying. you didn’t know what your parents’ plan was but you were quite grateful for the noise and crashing outside your door.

crawling a bit towards your door, your forearm brushed against something rough on your thighs. you cursed yourself for being dense, and lifted your dress a bit, carefully grabbing your new rose gold dagger from its holster.

when you heard the jingling of your door, you hastily tried to cut the rope from your wrists.

you cussed as you dropped it on the floor, you tried to get a hold of it once more when the door suddenly burst open.

“y/n!” regulus breathed out in relief, he rushed by your side, grabbing your fallen dagger and cutting the ropes. your eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, before turning your gaze to the man you’ve fallen in love with, the same man who lied to you.

sirius approached the both of you, trying to tell you to hurry up before the guards caught up with them, “let’s go!”

“are you alright?” regulus asked, cupping your face in his hands.

you glared at him, rubbing your arms to soothe the burning, “don’t touch me.”

you stood up, grabbing the dagger from his hand, and placed it back on your holster. you snatched your satchel from the floor and started packing a few necessities that could fit in.

regulus looked at you in confusion and hurt, standing up as you shuffled around the room, “what’s wrong?”

you ignored him, shoving past him, and made your way towards sirius, who just shrugged at his brother.

the three of you sneaked past the guards and the members of the order, successfully escaping and meeting up with lily and james at the entrance.

“oh, merlin!” lily brought you in a hug, “are you alright, y/n?”

“lily,” you breathed out, hugging her back. you closed your eyes in relief, letting out a teary laugh, “i’m alright, don’t worry,”

“we’ve got to go, they’ll catch up soon enough if we don’t leave,” james said, “‘m sure frank and the rest got ‘em distracted for a while.”

arriving back at the potter household, they let you retire back at the guest room, regulus following in suit.

“hey, y/n, what’s wrong?” regulus asked, grabbing your arm so you’re facing him.

you looked at him in anger and hurt, “you lied to me!”

“wha- what did i lie about? i don’t understand,” regulus was dumbstruck, he didn’t know what you were talking about until he remembered all about the betrothal. he looked down in guilt.

“stop the act, regulus. you were the one i was supposed to marry,” you whispered, “why did you lie to me?”

regulus sighed, sitting down on the bed as he ran a hand through his hair, “i was scared, alright? i was scared because i fell for you, y/n, and when i found out that you didn’t want to marry me, i didn’t know what to do… so i lied because i was afraid that you’d go if i told you that i was the prince.”

“and it’s terrifying how i would’ve given you the stars if you asked,” he chuckled softly, “but i chose to keep that to myself because that’s how much of a coward i am…”

“reg, i didn’t even know that it was you,” you frowned, expression softening as you sat down beside him, “and i frankly don’t care about the stars, or anything at all, honestly, because all i want is you, regulus,”

“don’t be so sure about that, y/n,” he breathed out, “if you’ve known that it was me, you wouldn’t agree to marry me.”

“you’re right,” you nodded, smiling softly, “i wouldn’t marry you because of some stupid betrothal, i’d marry you because i love you, regulus black, and i know f’myself that you’re the man that i would love to spend the rest of my life with.”

he looked at you with adoration and love in his eyes, a small smile adorning his lips.

regulus tucked the loose strand of hair behind your hair, his eyes shifting from your eyes down to your lips, “may i?”

not trusting your words, you nodded instead, slowly leaning in. regulus cupped the side of your face with his hand, your hand running through his brown curls as the both of you drew closer. eyes fluttering close as you felt the soft, warmth of his lips caress your own.

after a few moments, he pulled away slowly, pressing his forehead against your own, smiling softly at the result of the sudden revelations and confessions.

“let’s run away, regulus,” you whispered, “away from here and our wretched parents.”

“yeah?” he chuckled softly, “where’d you want to go, m’love?”

“italy.”

“... and they lived happily ever after.” you smiled softly.

“mum, what happened in italy?” your daughter asked, hugging her teddy bear as she looked up at you and regulus with her doe eyes.

regulus hummed, “they settled down in florence, italy, with the help of the marauders-”

“dad, who are the marauders?” your son questioned, exchanging looks with his sister and his cousin, harry.

“they’re the best friends of the prince and princess, orion,” james grinned, snaking his arm around lily’s waist.

“what happened next, aunt y/n?”

“well, they had a small wedding by the beach, they traveled around the world, had kids, and are now telling their stories to their adorable kids and godson,” you smiled, “and the said kids and godson should be asleep in the next five minutes.”

the three of them let out simultaneous groans. you, regulus, and the marauders had small smiles on your faces, finding the situation amusing.

“good night, my darlings, we love you,” you and regulus kissed their foreheads and tucked them in bed, as lily and james did the same with harry.

after ensuring that they were fast asleep, you and the rest went back down to the living room.

sirius grinned, grabbing the firewhiskeys and crisps out of the bag, “they finally went to sleep?”

“yeah,” you smiled, fiddling with the moonstone necklace regulus bought you from the fair, “guess our story worked perfectly fine as a bedtime tale, didn’t it, reggie?”

“indeed it did, m’love,” he kissed the top of your head, sitting down on the couch for your traditional game night.

general taglist: @daltonacademia @inks-and-jinx @weasleyyy @oldschoolkiddo @accioweaslcy @inglourious-imagines @peterssweetpea @iwritesiriusly @fives-cup-of-coffee @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @band--psycho @marswilson24 @miraclesoflove @chokemepansy @spideyspixies @lolooo22 @justfangirlthingies @sw33tgirl @remugoodgirl @tatestripedsweater @gryffindorgirly @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts

marauders taglist: @sweetnspicysimp @cherie-draco @eunoniaa @acosmis-t @amrtxntias @cedrics-grave @dracosgoodgirl @msmb

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wonderlustlucas · 4 years ago

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jack pot ; part 1 - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt You know it’s bad when you’re high as a kite and he’s still on your mind. ⇢ pairing hwang hyunjin x female reader, seo changbin x female reader for like 2 minutes ⇢ word count 7.5k ⇢ genre fluff, angst (not heavy, just in a slow burn kind of way), slight smut ⇢ warnings drug use!!! & lots of it (marijuana), grinding, implied smut ⇢ summary College is a matter of working hard and playing hard. It’s an opportunity to start fresh, to grow as an individual and to blossom with those you befriend. People come and people go, leaving their mark on your life and showing you all the parts of becoming an adult. Some, however, do more than leave their mark. Some take just as much as they give. Things become complicated once they take the entirety of your love because you outright offered it to them.—college!au ; stoner!au ; friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n yo!!! disclaimer: this initially was going to just be a long one shot but i decided to split it up into 3 parts, so just to let u all know part 1 & 2 does not have a ton of hyunjin interaction, they’re more character/plot building. part 3 is when things will get spicy ♥︎ i hope u enjoy! if u rb make sure to let me know what u thought in the tags mwah also i finally switched from ___ to yn are u guys proud of me :)

prelude.

Sometimes you really, truly, honestly think you could go right ahead and kill Han Jisung.

You say it all the time. Sometimes it’s a simple, “I will literally kill you,” or when you are feeling extra spicy, “Sleep with one eye open tonight.” He, of course, laughs it off like you aren’t vibrating with the urge to kick his kneecaps in. You seriously have lost count of all the times he has brought you to the brink of insanity.

And honestly, you have watched enough murder documentaries on Netflix that you probably could do it, but, you know, spending the rest of your life in prison does not sound that appealing. Plus, there’s the ever-troubling detail that Han Jisung is the closest thing you have to a best friend. So, it sort of goes against your basic human morals to backstab—literally—the most important human in your life.

But he really makes you crazy. Why you agreed to share an apartment with him in the first place is a mystery, but the fact that you leased it again for junior year is what really makes you lose sleep at night. Because, while he may be your best friend, Jisung is the epitome of a little shit. If such a compound word was in the dictionary, it simply would say ‘Han Jisung.’ Somehow, though, it makes you love him even more. Maybe it’s true that ‘opposites attract,’ or, perhaps, maybe it’s because no matter how much embarrassment and general self-loathing he may have caused you in the past, it has benefitted you in the end.

For example, his constant teasing about your lack of friends eventually led to you befriending a group of girls you always admired from afar. His snarky comments concerning your nonexistent social life finally got to you and now you can proudly wear the title of one of the best beer pong players in your class. His presence in general has taught you to stand up for yourself and what you believe in, whether it’s against him, your parents, a toxic friend, hell, even a professor. Proving people wrong, especially Jisung, is your favorite pastime.

Sometimes, though, it’s not that easy.

There’s one area in your life where you have accepted defeat. One area in your life where Jisung has his most fun. One area, or, perhaps one person, where you simply cannot step beyond your comfort zone.

Hwang Hyunjin is your Achilles tendon and Jisung is the arrow. There are times, along with all the times you’ve considered strangling Jisung in his sleep, where you have sat and actually prayed to the gods to send someone else. Someone not nearly as perfect as Hyunjin and someone not nearly as unattainable. Alas, these prayers, hook-ups, Tinder dates, anything to get him off your mind has proved futile; because here you are three years later, stuck with this stupid, absolutely infuriating crush on the only boy who has ever owned your heart because you outright gave it to him.

one.

You are beginning to think the two bubbly junior girls who led the campus tour you attended last year lied about the dining hall.

Correction: they one hundred percent lied.

Because even though the newly renovated food court looks nice—unscratched linoleum floors, shiny marble countertops and all sorts of seating to choose from—there must be something fishy going on with the cooks. Literally. Just last week, an upperclassman had a breakdown when she forked into her tuna (why anyone would want college seafood is another story) to find a worm right there in the middle of it. You have found little shards of glass in the yogurt and bugs even at You-Cook, but that’s all a part of the college experience, right?

“Are you sure there’s no spiders or anything? Did you check?” Beside you, Maddie watches with furrowed brows as you spoon a hefty serving of scrambled eggs onto your plate. Chuckling, you move down to grab a few sausages and a chocolate chip muffin before they are gone for the rest of the day; Lord knows, you are only a month in and carbohydrates have quickly become your emotional support, just like everyone else. “Yes, I checked,” you assure her, hiding a laugh with your hand as she leans over to further scrutinize the eggs, “I didn’t see any arachnids.”

“Good,” she hums, satisfied with your answer, “can you grab a banana muffin for me? They’re usually at the bottom.”

Nodding, you turn back to the blessed muffin basket, pushing away blueberry, corn, double chocolate, all because Maddie has to be different and go for the macadamia nut banana.

“Are those the dinosaur socks they were selling on move-in day?” In front of you, someone asks, and your first instinct is to look down at your feet just to confirm. 8:30 calculus simply turns your brain to mush and remembering how you dressed for the day is near impossible. “Yes!” Laughing, you lift your leg to get a closer look at the cute green t-rexes on skates. “I was sold once I heard they were a dollar.”

Tearing your gaze away from said socks, you look up and suddenly feel as if you have bumped into an angel. Maybe there were spiders in the eggs, deadly poisonous spiders that crawled up the spoon while you weren’t paying attention and bit your hand and now you are dead and this is the angel leading you to the heavens. That, or this simply is the most beautiful human you have ever seen up close and your brain does not know how to process it. Well, maybe that’s a little extreme, but you definitely have never been so starstruck in your life.

The boy in front of you says something but you don’t hear it, senses and thoughts momentarily Off™ as you gawk at him. Aside from the deep undereye bags you all have claimed the past few weeks, this stranger is as close to perfect as you can get. Sure, Seungmin and his roommates are pretty cute—but what the fuck?

Something tells you that you have been silently staring at him, wide-eyed and mouth hanging open for far too long when his brows raise in a mix of confusion and expectation. Shit. What did he say? Synapses suddenly shooting like fireworks in your brain, you desperately try to remember his reply but instead, all you had focused on was the plumpness of his lips as he spoke and not the words themselves.

Clearing your throat, you blink once, twice, hoping you were hallucinating the whole time and the boy in front of you is not Hercules incarnate.

Lucky for you or him, you can’t tell, but he is still as attractive as he was two seconds ago. “Sorry, what?” You blurt, loud, too loud, flinching at the sound of your own voice. Instead of recognizing that you are totally off your rocker, he smiles, a soft, toothy smile that has your muscles turning to goo.

“I said I bought them, too,” cutest-boy-in-the-universe repeats, looking down and you follow his gaze, “my roommates were making fun of me, so I’m glad I finally found someone who bought them.” Alas, as he tugs at the fabric of his jeans to slightly lift the cuff you see that he, too, wears the same socks. You think you’re in love.

“Well, your roommates clearly have no taste,” you deadpan, shakily meeting his eyes once he looks back up. He laughs softly, eyes scrunching at the action and you positively swoon until silence settles over you and he takes the opportunity to regard you, gaze sweeping down your frame and up again. You hold your breath because, 1) holy shit, you would get on your knees for him right now and 2) you suddenly wish you were wearing more than the ‘just-woke-up-to-get-pegged-by-calc’ fit.

“I’m Hyunjin,” he finally says and you release all the air trapped in your lungs. “YN,” you return, grasping his outreached hand and thanking the heavens it is as sweaty as yours. “Well, it was nice to meet you, YN,” Hyunjin proceeds, releasing your hand and offering a gentle smile.

“You too, Mr. Sock Man,” you grin, rocking on your heels and realizing with a pang of disappointment that your breakfast has probably gone cold. Well, that’s okay, because right now you are totally content standing here in the middle of the dining hall, silently staring at this Hyunjin with a stupid smile plastered on your face. And the best part? He apparently is just fine doing that, too.

“YN!” Somewhere behind you, Maddie calls your name and it thrusts you head-first back into reality. “Did you find a banana muffin? I can’t find— oh. Who’s this?” Appearing beside you, visibly shocked having found you in a staring contest with a very tall, very cute boy. “Oh, uh,” you huff out a laugh, scrambling to get yourself together, “Hyunjin, this is Maddie, my roommate. Maddie, this is Hyunjin. We have the same socks.”

Brows shooting up at the puzzling introduction, Maddie bites back a laugh and looks back and forth between you and Hyunjin. “Well, you don’t hear that every day,” smiling to hide her confusion, she offers him a small wave with her hand full of muffin packs, “nice to meet you.”

Hyunjin smiles in return, gaze quickly returning to you. “I’ll be off, then. Gotta get the waffles while they’re still warm. I’ll see you around.”

And before you know it, he’s off toward the other end of the breakfast counter.

“Um, what the fuck?” Maddie whispers excitedly as you make your way toward your usual table, elbow repeatedly jabbing into your side. “I have no idea what just happened. I think I’m dreaming,” you sigh blissfully, relieved to find that Jisung and Seungmin were able to claim your favorite booth. “No, definitely not dreaming. He’s totally into you. You have to hang out.”

“What?” You sputter, nearly tripping over your own two feet. Then, lowering your voice as you near the two boys, “I – no, he isn’t. How can you tell? That was like, the cutest guy I’ve ever talked to, and you think he’s into me?”

“Who’s the cutest guy ever?” Jisung pipes up, eyes lighting up and you curse him and his fucking bat hearing.

“No one,” you grumble, smiling softly at Seungmin when he gets up so you don’t have to sit on the end, leaving Maddie to sit next to the other one. “Is it me?” Jisung grins with a flutter of his eyelashes. He’s convinced the only reason you dislike him is because you’ve actually fallen in love with him, but that’s far from the truth. You don’t even dislike him—he’s just one of the first guys you’ve met who meets your sarcasm with as much ferocity, and that is a hard pill to swallow.

“In your dreams, Han,” you sneer, gracing him with a dramatic eye roll before tearing open the bag of your muffin. Comfortable conversation quickly falls into place as you eat, complaints about your classes, Seungmin trying to convince you to join them at the first party they will be attending while Jisung mocks you for wanting to stay home, Maddie asking where Felix is and Seungmin explaining that he got so high last night he ended up staying up past four playing Overwatch and is currently sleeping past all his classes.

Then, in the midst of guzzling your apple juice, Jisung leans out of his seat to call down the aisle. “Hwang! Come pull a chair over!”

Curiosity peaked, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and crane your neck to see over Seungmin’s fat head for who this ‘Hwang’ could be until, like the universe is really trying to kill you, the Hyunjin you met not even ten minutes ago has reached your table. “Hey,” he grins brightly, dabbing up the two boys before he glances to you, mouth promptly falling open. Certain you mirror the same expression, you struggle to find your words as Jisung and Seungmin look between you in shared confusion. “First we share socks, now it’s these dumpheads?”

Ignoring the way they scowl, Hyunjin giggles shamelessly and grabs a chair from an adjacent table to sit at the head of your booth. “It would seem that way.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. You guys know each other?” Jisung scoffs in disbelief, pointedly looking at you as if you’ve gone and disproved everything he pegged of you. “We just met,” Hyunjin replies with a shy smile, sparing you a quick glance before cutting into his waffle. Jisung looks to you and you offer an affirmative nod.

“And how are you guys friends?” Maddie asks, sensing your panic. “He’s Changbin and Minho’s roommate,” Seungmin answers.

You choke on a mouthful of juice.

“Christ, you good?” Seungmin snickers, offering a few slaps to your back. With a muffled yes, you look to Hyunjin with pleading eyes. “Please don’t tell them I said they have no taste.”

He laughs, arching a brow at you. “No way. They’ll get a kick out of that.”

“Oh, Christ,” faking a cry, you bury your face into your palms, “so much for making friends.”

“It’s okay, YN,” Jisung soothes with faux sympathy, “no one wants to be your friend anyway.”

Scoffing, the table quickly falls silent when you look up with rage in your eyes. “I bet when someone asks your parents about you, they change the subject,” you spit, shooting daggers at him before stabbing your fork into an innocent chunk of egg. To your utmost surprise but total delight, the other three burst into a fit of laughter, leaving you smirking smugly and Jisung sulking.

“Anyway,” Maddie promptly changes the subject back to her chemistry professor who has started every class playing Britney Spears. Tucked away in your corner finishing the last of your sausage and stifling the urge to get up for more, it isn’t until Hyunjin begins to speak do you realize that you have been quietly watching him the entire time. You would blame the soft morning sunshine shining through the windows and illuminating the right side of his face for making him look so ethereal, but you know that isn’t the case; from short, messy black hair, silver hoop earrings, thick, defined brows, the soft curves of his nose and the pouty fullness of his lips, you are totally, completely mesmerized.

And then, the sole of a sneaker is slammed right into your shin. “OW!” You yelp, loud, and for a moment you forget the pain in favor of the embarrassment that comes with the number of heads that turn to look at you. “Sorry. Bit my tongue,” you lie, earning an unconvinced look from Maddie. “Go on,” you nod toward Hyunjin to continue whatever he was saying before directing a furious glare to Jisung, who fails to hide his triumphant smirk as he enthusiastically types on his phone.

Just as you have bent down to rub at your throbbing leg, your phone vibrates twice against the table.

han jisung [now] stop staring, ur lucky hwang is as dense as a rock or he would have left a long time ago bc of you

han jisung [now] so THAT’S the ‘cutest guy ever’ huh? so ur straight after all

Squeezing your hands into fists, you prepare to fire back a reply that will have him crying. But he has different plans.

“Oh, Hyunjin, did YN tell you she’s a dancer, too?” He exaggerates your previous mention of dancing and has the audacity to wink at you. Thanks, Mr. Match Maker.

“Really?” Hyunjin gasps excitedly, eyes lighting up and totally missing the flabbergasted what? that sputters from your lips.

“I – well, no,” you hiss, scowling at Jisung, “I used to do ballet when I was younger but that’s it. Why, though? Do you dance?”

“He’s here on a scholarship,” Seungmin explains, “and minors in creative writing.”

“Oh,” you squeak, glancing to Hyunjin who is all but smiling like a cherub, completely oblivious, “that’s amazing. You must have a crazy schedule.” Chewing the last of his waffle, he hums in agreement. “Yeah, it gets really stressful at times. But it’s worth it,” Hyunjin chuckles. Then fucking winks.

Unable to hold his gaze, you whip your head back around in a panic and reach for the mere sip left of your juice. “Speaking of crazy schedules,” he hums, slapping both Jisung and Seungmin on the shoulders, “I must head out. This was fun. I may start crashing the party more now.” Rising from his seat, Hyunjin swings his bag over a shoulder and grins brightly. Realizing it would be rude to not say goodbye, you force yourself to look back to him and offer a feeble wave.

“And YN, don’t bite your tongue when you eat, yeah?”

You’re going to pass out.

two.

Felix likes to think of you as his corrupted child when it comes to smoking weed.

A few weeks before you would all be returning home for winter break, he came knocking on your door with a proposition. “No one wants to smoke with me. Do you want to?”

This, for sure, was not what you were expecting on a cold Tuesday night in December. Despite the general curiosity and always wanting to ��try it’ simply to feel like a teenager breaking the rules, you told him you never smoked before. “I know,” he said with a smile, “that’s why I’m asking.”

So, you agreed. Reaching for your hand, Felix snuck you out the window and led you halfway across campus to the junior parking lot, giving you ample opportunities to back out when he felt how badly you were shaking. “Whose car is this?” You laughed in disbelief when he unlocked a beaten-up Nissan near the outskirts of the lot.

“Kim Woojin. The junior?” He replied once you settled in the passenger seat next to him. “Oh.” You blinked, confused. “He lets you smoke in his car?”

“He gets me weed, too,” Felix giggled, reaching into the pockets of his sweatshirt and coming out with two tightly wrapped blunts, each about two inches long, “I’ll turn the heat on a little so we don’t freeze but we have to keep the windows open. I’m not going to have you hotbox for your first time.” You had no idea what that meant, but you agreed nonetheless.

With a brief lesson on what to do that truly made no sense until you tried it for yourself, Felix lit the blunt, took a few small hits to get it started, and then passed it to you. Holding it gingerly between your thumb and index finger, you brought the unlit end to your lips and sucked as he instructed ‘like a straw,’ breathing it into your lungs and ignoring the faint taste of smoke. Unsure of when to stop, it wasn’t until your throat felt as if it was on fire did you realize just how much you had inhaled.

“Shit,” you wheezed, coughing and choking and watching with wide eyes at the amount of cloudy white smoke that left your mouth and nostrils. Passing it back to Felix, you scrambled for the cold water bottle he brought along, downing half of it in one go to soothe the burn. “Good?” He asked, blowing out the window and turning back to you with eyes full of concern.

“Yeah,” you huffed, “give me a few, though.”

Humming in agreement, Felix connected his phone to the car’s Bluetooth and began playing what he calls his ‘getting high playlist,’ and before long, you fell in love with the feeling.

When break was over, you were dying to try it again. Felix was more than happy to be of service.

For all of March, it turned into a daily thing.

Now, you try to smoke only once a week for the sake of not dying, or something.

australian felix kjellberg❤️ [now] come hang at 201?

When the text notification pops up in the corner of your laptop screen amid your YouTube binge, your bones jitter with a mix of dread and excitement.

Dread, because that’s Hyunjin’s room. Excitement, because that’s Hyunjin’s room.

Maddie must hear your sigh. “What’s wrong?” She asks from her cozied position in bed, hand deep in a bag of popcorn.

“It’s Felix,” you start, “but he said to go to Hyunjin’s room.”

She blinks, unfazed. “And? I don’t see the problem here.”

“Well, I don’t know,” you count on your fingers, “first, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin sober. Second, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin high. Third, I am very touchy when high. Fourth, Hyunjin is always touchy.”

Maddie scoffs. “That’s a pretty lame argument, YN,” she laughs, “isn’t that what you want to happen?”

“Well,” she’s got a point, “yes, but it still makes me nervous. He makes me nervous.” Closing your laptop, you shimmy out of bed and debate changing out of your cotton shorts and tee shirt. Nah. You’ll probably end up going back to Felix’s and sleeping there. You put a sports bra and deodorant on and call it a day.

Maddie finds this hilarious. “You know what should make you nervous? The fact that you’re usually the only girl getting high with, what? Six guys? You know they all want to fuck you.”

“I try not to think about that, actually,” cringing, you try to erase Felix’s voice when he’s high as a kite or Changbin’s arms from your mind, “and you don’t know that. Sometimes Ryujin and Lia are there. Or, you know, you could always come. You don’t have to smoke, just come hang out. I know you want to give Minho a fat smooch.”

Her nose wrinkles in disgust. “I love you, and I appreciate the invite, but I don’t feel like babysitting a bunch of stoners, even if Minho is there.”

Laughing, all you can offer her is a shrug. “I don’t blame you,” grabbing your phone, wallet, and charger, you make your way over to her and bend over to press a goodnight kiss to her forehead, “if you need me, don’t. I’ll probably be dead.”

“Oh Lord,” Maddie cackles, watching you struggle to open the window, “don’t die. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“I’ll try,” you grin, military saluting once you’ve managed to flop over the ledge. With one last wave, you close the window behind you and thank admissions for giving you a room on the first floor.

[9:34 PM] YN: omw now, gather your forces to help me in :)

Nights in 201 are always interesting. First, their room is on the second floor, so climbing through the window is an experience. Things would be a hell of a lot easier if you could just walk in and out of residence halls as you please, but with the officer at the front desk documenting who comes in and who goes out, there would be a knock at the door at midnight asking you to leave. Second: as Maddie said, 201 means the whole squad is showing up. And when the whole squad shows up, you’re bound to feel a mix of anxiety and desire deep within your bones no matter how hard set you are on Mr. Hwang. And third: you know you’re in for one fucked up night.

[9:42 PM] YN: hereee

Standing awkwardly behind their building, you try and calm the nerves that always come when you know you will be with Hyunjin. Considering how close the two of you have become over the past few months, one would think you would have gotten a grip on those pesky feelings.

Yet again, it’s kind of hard to do that when he looks and acts like that all the time.

When the window slides open, you are expecting Changbin to hang halfway out for you to grab on to with the rest of them holding onto his legs. Instead, a tall, metal ladder of sorts is pushed out until it lands with a thud! at your feet, granting you a perfect staircase into the room.

Well, you certainly don’t see that every day.

Blinking in confusion, you do not know whether to focus on the crowd of boys waving at you from above or this abomination of a stepstool that was practically thrown out a window for you. Accepting the chain of events as just another fever dream of an experience in 201, you shake your head and begin to ascend on shaky legs, graciously taking Jisung’s hand and clinging to both him and Seungmin as they help you into the room. “Thanks,” you huff, giving them both a hug in return to their chivalry. And they dare say it’s dead!

Behind you, Changbin and Hyunjin lift the ladder-stepstool mutation back into the room and it isn’t until they have folded it into a more compact piece and set it against the wall do you speak up.

“Did you… buy a ladder?”

“Yes!” Minho bellows, thrilled by your successful entrance. “Isn’t it great?” After pulling back from a hug, he keeps his hands on your shoulders just to shake you like a bobble-head.

“Yes,” you grunt once he’s released you, head swimming, “a lot easier than hauling both me and Changbin through the window, right?” Looking to said boy, you can’t help but melt into his side when he pulls you close. “No worries,” Changbin beams, rubbing your arm, “at least we have some funny memories now.” When he moves to flop onto his bed, you realize with a shudder that you are alone with Hyunjin.

Well, technically not alone since they are all right there, but alone in the sense that they are not paying attention to you nor him.

“Hey, YN. I missed you,” he singsongs, engulfing you in one of his monster bear hugs. Disregarding the heart palpitations they may cause, Hyunjin’s hugs are truly the best and you wish you would initiate them more if it didn’t seem like such a big deal in that smooth brain of yours. “I missed you, too,” you mutter into his chest, squeezing your arms around him as if to engrave this feeling into your mind forever. “We saw each other, like, five hours ago,” he reminds you, finally pulling back and taking your will to live with him. God, he has no idea.

“And? You’re the only one here who doesn’t make me suicidal,” you lie because, in reality, he actually does. Just in a different way. “Aw,” he coos, large hand squeezing your side and you think you could orgasm on command, “good thing we have tonight, then, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you squeak, finally remembering to breathe when he steps away to sit beside Seungmin on his bed. Suddenly, you are feeling incredibly grateful no one is next to Changbin because, well, 1) he is closer to Felix and 2), you need a distraction.

“Hello, Felix,” you greet the boy sunk deep in a bean bag chair, busy grinding leaves and packing them into the bowl of a bong. “How are you this fine evening, YN?” He asks once you have settled beside Changbin, brows knitting together when the older boy drapes his arm around your waist.

“Good. Tired, though. How ‘bout you?”

“You didn’t have to come if you’re tired! We all know you work your ass off, no one’s gonna judge if you chose to stay home and sleep,” Felix expresses, giving you a look that screams ‘mom.’

“No! I’m not that tired,” you assure him, reaching for his hand and squeezing for extra effect, “you know I wouldn’t miss this. You’ve made me a pothead.”

With a proud smile, he returns to his designated job and begins working on the second, smaller bong. “So,” stretching to set your things on the desk beside Changbin’s bed, you turn to him with a knowing smile, “how’s the album coming?”

“Great!” He beams, eyes lighting up at the topic. “Jisung is a great addition. Did I tell you we started meeting with someone else, too?”

“No, who?”

“He’s a sophomore, Bang Chan?” Somewhere behind you, Felix passes a bong to Jisung for the first hit. “Bang Chan? Holy shit, Binnie,” repeatedly punching his arm to express your excitement, “that’s amazing! I didn’t know he was into music production. Not that I’ve ever talked to him, but.”

“No, I get you,” he hums, giving your side a firm squeeze, “he’s really awesome making beats. I hope we’re successful.” Then, reaching past you, he takes the second bong and a lighter from Felix. When he resituates himself, he’s considerably closer than before. You don’t mind.

“Ladies first?” Changbin offers with a crooked grin, handing them to you. Then, on second thought, he holds onto the lighter to do the honors. “Sure. Thanks,” you laugh, glancing across the room to find everyone arguing over which color to set the lights to as they wait for their high. Bringing the tube to your lips, you offer a miniscule nod to him and then he is setting flame to the bowl. Sucking strong enough to generate bubbles, you unplug the bowl once he stops and breathe in as much as your lungs can handle in one go. Then, once you have exhaled, you quickly finish what’s left in the tube before passing it to Changbin with a pleased smile.

“That was a lot,” he points out once you have handed the bong back to him. “Hey, you’re the one who kept lighting it for thirty seconds. Mother would be proud,” you joke, reciprocating the same service and lighting the bowl until he glares at you beneath his bangs.

The best part about being high is the fact that you are constantly laughing. Things won’t even be that funny, but once someone starts laughing—you’re done for. You laugh so hard it hurts, and then once it’s all over, you realize it wasn’t funny at all. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like a squirrel?” Minho asks Jisung at some point. You absolutely loose it. It quite possibly is the funniest thing you have ever heard.

Pouting, Squirrel Boy leaves Minho alone on his bed to come crash beside you. “How are you, my tender oozing blossom?”

Squinting at him past the way your eyes burn, you make grabby hands and pull him close to wrap your arms around his teeny waist. Changbin grumbles in protest, but he’s too transfixed on the light’s soft in and out fade of different colors to say anything else. “Please, don’t ever call me that again,” you mumble into Jisung’s mop of brown hair.

“What?” He gasps, tilting to look up at you with puppy eyes. “You didn’t like it?”

“Nope,” smiling lazily, you rest your head atop his, “I love you, but I’m not ready for pet names yet.” His face morphs from a frown to one lit with excitement. “Holy shit, did you just say you love me? Do my eyes deceive me?”

“That would be your ‘ears,’ but yes,” you hum, brain simply not capable of denying it the way your sober self would. “More than Changbin?” Jisung whispers.

“Yes, but don’t tell him,” you return quietly, biting back a laugh.

“More than Hyunjin?” He counters. At this, you look up to find said boy sat with his legs to his chest across the room. Next to Seungmin, he looks like a giant; but a happy, pouty giant that keeps talking about how much he could go for a winter melon tea right now.

“Never.”

One and a half (half because it was just the rest of Minho’s terribly big hit that left tears streaming down his cheeks) and an unfinished game of Cards Against Humanity later, you find yourself in a blissful headspace. The song playing quietly through Felix’s speaker makes it feel like you are bouncing down stairs and then going up again, and the lights are oh so pretty, pink fading to red, yellow to green, blue to purple and so on. Things are fuzzy but crystal clear at the same time, the popcorn you’ve been shoveling into your mouth tastes heavenly, and your body feels like it is engulfed in a warm, comforting hug.

Or, that could just be Changbin.

Somewhere in between trying to get more comfortable and him yanking you to stay next to him when you attempted to get up and hug Seungmin for something sweet he said, you now find yourself on your back with a clinging Changbin on your side. You are so comfortable, but also insanely hot, and as you begin to slowly come down from your high as the hours tick by, you begin to realize it’s for another reason.

What started as an innocent hand on your side turned into his thumb rubbing meaningless patterns against your shirt, which then turned into his hand slipping beneath to splay against the warmth of your skin. Growing increasingly needy as the minutes go by, you turn to look at everyone around you. Jisung, who found himself returning to Minho, appears to be passed out with him on the far end of the room. Seungmin, curled up on the floor with a pillow and a heap of blankets. Felix, who finished off the rest of his weed, scrolls aimlessly on his phone still at the peak of his high.

And Hyunjin, who you assume has been fast asleep on his bed for a while now if the arm flung over his face tells you anything. For a moment, you feel sick with sadness. So close, but so far he lies, always a step out of reach. But you can’t deny how Changbin makes you feel—for right now, at least. And it would be a shame to miss out on an opportunity with someone else because the one you want is unattainable.

Right?

Changbin must sense the way your breathing increases, must feel the way your body reacts to the slightest of touches, yet he takes his time. He is soft in the way his hand travels up your arm, rough fingertips grazing over your collarbones before smoothing down over your chest and abdomen. It isn’t until you are about to burst at the seams does he give your ass a strong squeeze and urge your leg over his hips.

“Changbin,” you sigh, biting your lip to keep from whimpering when he begins pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the length of your throat. “Please touch me.”

He only makes a sound of agreement, savoring the way you squirm and grip onto his arm for dear life. When he offers an experimental roll of his hips to grind against you, you practically go feral. The last time you were touched in such a way was at a party in the beginning of the semester Jisung and co. physically forced you to go to, and Changbin has barely even touched you and it’s already better than the rushed sex you had that night.

“Wait,” he huffs, pausing his ministrations no matter how difficult it is to do so, “we can’t.”

“What?” You hiss, trying to keep your voice quiet, “why?”

“Because you’re high, and I’m high, and I’m not going to do anything unless you really want me to,” Changbin explains, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips when you frown in response. “But I do want you to,” you huff, chasing his mouth for another, “I trust you one hundred percent.”

“Are you sure, YN?” What about Hyunjin? is what he really means and you know he’s right. You should have never told Felix.

Trying to ignore the wetness of your underwear, you turn to lie on your back. “Whatever. Never mind,” you mumble, and when you glance back to him, you can’t help the way your heart soars with him still pressed closely to your side, blinking tiredly at you. But like he said, it’s not Hyunjin. “Just get some sleep, Binnie. Forget it happened,” smiling past the tears that threaten to spill, you ruffle his hair and press a softer kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Changbin whispers, returning the affection with a kiss to your shoulder. In minutes, he is snoring softly beside you.

You can’t fall asleep to save your life.

Reaching for your phone to check the time, you grit your teeth once you realize it’s almost four and you definitely have been staring at the ceiling for more than an hour. For starters, you are freezing now; unlike these passed out hooligans, you are showing a lot more skin and not being under the blankets is not doing you well. And secondly, it’s hard to fall asleep when your thoughts are flying miles a minute.

Is this how it’s going to be, then? Whenever you see someone, will the little guy on your shoulder whisper in your ear that it’s not Hyunjin? Or will people deem you off limits because they know of your infatuation? People who know, at least—Changbin is the first, apparently.

Just need to get comfy, you decide, trying to ignore such thoughts and turning to lie on your stomach. Bless Felix for leaving the lights on, too—you may be coming down from your high, but the vibe is simply immaculate. Tucking a hand under your cheek and following the ropes of light on the ceiling and up the walls, you find this to be enough to calm your nerves. Enough to make your eyelids heavy. Finally.

Someone lets out a monster train snore. Seungmin, you think, biting your lip to keep from laughing. Or, it could be Hyunjin. The thought is so amusing you can’t help but squint at the boy across from you to better see his outline, hoping he will do it again just to confirm.

No, not Hyunjin.

Because he’s facing you, eyes open, a soft smile plastered on his face. Well, fuck.

No reason to panic, you console yourself, returning a gentle smile in the assumption he can even see you. And you stay like that for a while, simply watching one another for an infinite amount of time. It’s not much, but it means something, you think, lost in the way the contours and highlights of his face change with each color the lights fade to. Just as you remember the whole point of getting on your stomach was to fall asleep, Hyunjin moves. Reaching for his phone, you watch in confusion as he brings it close to his face and starts typing.

hwang hyunjin👁👄👁 [now] Come sleep w me?

You almost throw up in your mouth. You must be dreaming. Surely.

Blinking against the harsh light of your phone, you cannot help your smile as you reread the text.

[4:02 am] YN: wont that b a little sus for bin

[4:02 am] hwang hyunjin👁👄👁: If anyone asks just say he kept kicking u or something

You don’t need to be told twice. Now that he has turned onto his side facing the other direction, Changbin does not stir once you slowly move to sit up and stand, nor when you reach for the quilt crumbled at the foot of the bed to pull over him. It’s not much, but hopefully it will keep him from waking in a few hours freezing to death. Then, as you tiptoe your way over to Hyunjin’s bed, avoiding Felix now that he’s sprawled half way off the bean bag, you cannot tell if you are still shivering from the cold or if the fact you are going to be sleepingwith Hyunjin in one, tiny single bed is finally clicking in your brain. Like Maddie said, this is something you want, right?

As you draw closer, Hyunjin shifts to make room and lifts the covers for you to quietly slip beneath. “Thank you,” you whisper, pulling the blanket up to your chin and trying to ignore the feeling of being so close to him. “Of course. You looked real cold over there,” he smiles tiredly. Then, his arm cautiously curls around you to rest by your head, fingers swiping stray hairs away from your face.

“I was,” you admit. Eyes level to his lips, you strain to look him in the eyes to resist the temptation now that he’s pulled you so close. “Changbin fell asleep and I felt bad waking him.”

Hyunjin doesn’t reply. He seems momentarily lost in thought, brows slightly furrowed as he chews on the inside of his lip.

“Do you like him?” He finally asks, voice shaky with hesitation.

“What?” You sputter, shocked at such a presumption. Yet again…

“No, no I don’t. I mean—as a friend, yes, but, you know,” you trail off, squeezing your eyes shut. You desperately wish you were not having this conversation right now. “He was touching you, though. And it looked like you liked it,” Hyunjin whispers, thumb swiping against your cheekbone.

“I mean, well yeah, I did. But I’m not close enough to like him like that. It’s just a physical attraction,” realizing you are discussing what went down with Changbin to Hyunjin, you suddenly pull back and lean up on an elbow to get a better look at him, heat now spreading up your limbs like fire. “Were you watching us, Hwang?”

“Yes,” he admits, “it’s kind of hard not to.” Your heart stops beating.

“I – what?” You manage once you have remembered how to breathe. “I didn’t know you were awake, we wouldn’t have… what do you mean, ‘it’s kind of hard not to?’”

“You know what I mean, YN,” Hyunjin mutters, arm slipping around your waist and pulling you to lie down with him again, this time, your chest pressed to his. “I like looking at you. You’re very pretty.”

You definitely must still be high, because you are seriously having a hard time wrapping your mind around Hyunjin calling you pretty, as well as being so close, and somewhere deep in your mind wonders if he knows. If he knows how your heart is on the line here. Knows that with him moving closer, you are taking a huge risk.

When Hyunjin kisses you, you forget that this could be the worst mistake you’ve made in a long time. Wrapped around his fingers, you pray this is his way of saying he feels the same.

“YN!” You wake to Seungmin gently shaking your shoulder. “YN, wake up. Your phone has been vibrating for twenty minutes now. It’s Maddie.”

The wave of panic washing over you dispels the grogginess you feel from suddenly being yanked from sleep, as well as the recognition of where you are and who you’re with. Frantic, you sit up and nod in thanks to him before taking the call. “Hello?”

“Oh, thank God you answered,” Maddie cries, voice choked, “I’m sorry, I know you’re still out, but I just threw up and I feel so terrible and when I get up I feel so nauseous. Can you come home?”

“Shit, Maddie, don’t apologize,” you whisper, rushing to grab your things as Seungmin unfolds The Ladder as quietly as possible, “I’m leaving now. Don’t move, you don’t want it to get worse. I’ll be there as fast as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” she whimpers before hanging up.

“Thank you, Minnie,” pressing a kiss to his cheek, you begin to climb down. “Is everything okay?” He asks, watching as you go with a worried frown. “Yes, it’s fine. Just a little emergency, don’t worry,” praying no one is out and about watching as you climb from the back of their building, you rush back to help Maddie as fast as you can.

You stay back in your dorm with Maddie for the rest of the weekend, fetching her water and ginger ale and food she can handle, helping her to the restroom, and binging all sorts of shows and movies with her. Seungmin, Jisung, and Minho visit Sunday evening, joining you for a few hours to watch Pokémon. You think it’s just because Minho knew it would be a good opportunity to snuggle with Maddie.

You can’t help but feel disappointed when Hyunjin isn’t with them. You refrained from telling Maddie what happened in 201, too caught up wanting to make sure she was alright, and by now you are starting to feel as if it wasn’t even real. Maybe you made the whole night up in your marijuana-infused brain. And snuggled up with Jisung, you can’t help but wish it was this annoying shit you were falling in love with.

On Monday morning, Hyunjin doesn’t show up for breakfast. On Tuesday, you find out he has been hanging out with a girl he met at his favorite boba joint and apparently won’t shut up about. First, you run back to your dorm to cry to Maddie, having to explain all of Friday night to her. When she leaves for her lab, you call Felix for an emergency smoke session. When Maddie texts that she is going to be out late working on a project, you call Changbin to tell him that you really do want him to.

Like you said, it’s just a physical attraction, right?

⇢ part 2

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