#also been doing work all day joe makes me insanely motivated

[dwtpsychward]

[spruceplank]

I told you I was brave but I lied

AN: based on this post by @blocklasagna

Or the AU from the time after Wilbur’s death and before Tubbo’s peaceful driven presidency can really begin because rebuilding has just started: The universe takes Tommy from Dreamsmp and asks the admin of Hermitcraft to help him heal. Cue Tommy now in Hermitcraft re-learning how to live again and not just survive because he deserves a chance to be a kid again.

Content warning: Descriptions of a panic attack

ao3 || 3.6k words || First | Previous | Current | Next

When Xisuma asks him if he wants to go to the server shopping district, he immediately says yes. It doesn't matter that this meeting is going to be for Xisuma telling the rest of the server he's here for now. It doesn't matter that it's like twenty plus people he's never met before in his life. He's not worried about it at all! If it means he gets to see more amazing buildings like Xisuma's base but now from so many different people he's all for it! If only he could get himself to believe it. 

When Xisuma leads him to a nether portal he's starting to think this wasn't the best idea. He manages to pass it off as being worried about piglins and Xisuma assures him that their nether hub is spawn proofed, well at least the parts they'd be going through. 

That's not something he's sure of but he decides to continue to trust Xisuma for now, at least on this. When he goes through the portal though, if it weren't for the sweltering heat he would not believe this was the nether. He doesn't have time to even look around at the place because he's too busy trying to catch up to Xisuma who's already off walking towards another portal. Hermitcraft huh… Was everything on this server so extravagant and resource intensive? The only other place he's seen so much warped or crimson wood is in the respective forests they come from. 

He's too busy gawking at the massive tunnel, made out of crying obsidian of all things, that he almost misses Xisuma going through another portal. Thankfully he manages to catch a glimpse of yellow in the corner of his eye and he scrambles over to follow the admin through the portal. Upon stepping out the other side he immediately thinks that this has to be some sort of fever dream. There are diamonds in the trees. And not even like just a couple, like as many diamonds as Technoblade owns and that's a lot of fucking diamonds. He looks around and is just blown away. 

This is a fully paved and detailed shop like area. This is the kinda shit he remembers seeing on servers dedicated to shopping where days of work were spent to make a server area look nice. There's an entire series of stylized buildings that are all completely different scattered about and then he turns around - Holy Fucking Shit. There's a fucking diamond throne. There is a throne made of diamond blocks, literally only diamond blocks in the building behind him. It doesn't matter if it's only the front of the throne or its hollow on the inside, that, holy fucking shit. How many diamonds even is that? 

He doesn't even realize he's stopped walking until Xisuma is asking, "Tommy? Are you alright?" 

"What the fuck." Is all he manages to say. Why the fuck is there a dog in a jumpsuit. Do those sheep have sunglasses on? What the hell is going on around here? 

"Excuse me?" Xisuma balks.

There's, that's a fucking terraformed mountain. He bites the inside of his cheek to make sure he's not having a hallucination or in the middle of a fever dream. Nope, neither of those. He really can't put thoughts into words right now so all he manages to say is, "What the fuck is this place." 

"The shopping district?" Xisuma hesitantly supplies. He needs Xisuma to know how crazy this is to him. What the actual shit. 

"Dude, Xisuma, how? There's, there's fucking diamonds in the trees. The throne, the throne of diamond blocks. It's just sitting there? Hello? How has no one stolen that? Then there's the fucking buildings! What the fuck!" He yells, half laughing because he feels like he's losing his mind a little bit. 

"Welcome to Hermitcraft, your one stop shop for over the top." A new voice chimes in from behind him, sounding amused. 

"Hello Joe." Xisuma greets the other person, Joe. He turns to look at whoever it is and finds a dude with a basic blue shirt and jeans. The blue shirt has a white @ symbol on it. Brown hair hangs slightly over the edge of rectangular glasses. 

Joe gives Tommy a smile when their eyes meet and he feels like the man is staring into his soul when he greets, "Howdy Xisumavoid and guest, you're up and around much faster than I thought you would be."

"Right introductions! Tommy this is Joe Hills, pseudo admin and poet. And Joe this is Tommy." Xisuma 

"Hiya Tommy, nice to meet you." Joe offers a hand which he shakes.

"Thanks, you too." He nods to Joe.

Joe smiles at him again and he thinks that maybe its not Joe, maybe he just isn’t used to people being friendly without an ulterior motive that makes him so nervous about meeting the man. He’s distracted from his thoughts when Joe asks, "So did Xisuma tell you much about this server?" 

"Uh… No, not really?" At least he hopes not. He didn’t remember much of anything. It was called Hermitcraft. Xisuma was the admin. Uh…. 

Joe sends a look to Xisuma who merely sputters in response for a moment before defending himself with an explanation, "I didn't want to overwhelm him! He thought my base was a lot yesterday so I figured he could learn as he went."

"So you didn't want to overwhelm him but then you brought him to the shopping district for the emergency meeting where you're going to tell most everyone on this server that Tommy will be here for the foreseeable future with no other explanation? And you didn't want to overwhelm him?" Joe continues to send a look of what he can only call ‘displeased parental figure’ at Xisuma as he asks. Yikes, he’s seen that enough from Philza Minecraft to know that even if it doesn't mean you’re in trouble it certainly means this wasn’t your brightest idea. 

"Okay, fair point." Xisuma sighs.

"Is everything on this server like this?" He can’t help but ask nervously. There was no way right? But no, Xiusma’s base was insane. The nether hub was also insane too.

Joe laughs lightly, "Tommy there are things on this server that will blow your mind, this is just a small glimpse of what Hermitcraft is like."

"Fucking hell." He can’t help but mutter. 

"Well I wouldn't want to spoil the surprises of Hermitcraft either. After all, where's the fun in that." Joe grins at Xisuma who merely shakes his head in response to the man’s antics. Joe rolls his eyes but starts walking away only to call over this shoulder, "Alright follow me you two, Xisuma is going to be late to his own meeting."

"We'll have time! Someone else is always late!" Xisuma yells after Joe.

"Yeah but some of us, have things we would like to get back to. Remember this was just brought up yesterday." Joe yells back without stopping or turning around. Xisuma grumbles under his breath but gestures for Tommy to follow him after Joe. Well at least these two seemed like good friends. Hopefully that would bode well for him. But then again, he and Quackity used to be good friends too. 

"Hello everyone and thank you all for coming on such a short notice." Xisuma addresses the crowd gathered around the outside of a building. Apparently this was the moon area? He didn’t know what the surface of the moon would look like but here in the center of all of this it certainly looked out of place. Pretty bleak too but there were so many different blocks blended together he had to give whoever built this area props for the block varieties. He stands a little behind one of the various pillars in the ground near where Xisuma is so he’s not visible to the others because he doesn’t want people staring at him right now. Its weird to occasionally peek around and see all these people in the same place talking nicely with one another. He’s used to only seeing fighting when large crowds gather. The area gets silent after Xisuma talks.

"What's this all about anyways?" Someone asks.

He expects Xisuma to ask him to come forward but the admin doesn’t even look his way when answering, "We have a guest who will be staying here on Hermitcraft with us for the foreseeable future. I expect you to all be on your best behavior."

"Why did you look at me when you said that?!" Someone cries out, sounding offended.

There’s a round of laughter when someone teases, "I don't know mother spore, why do you think?" 

The first voice snipes back, "Hey! You're in on that too!" 

"Yeah but you started it! Besides everyone knows the HEP is the best around here." The second voice throws back with a huff, "Maybe we'll recruit our new guest to join us as well."

Someone else chimes in, "Oh no don't you dare! What if he wants to join our side? Not you HEP people!" 

"Nuh huh! He'd join our side after just touring our base!" Another voice retorts back and he peaks around the pillar to look at the group of people. He can’t really make out who is who or who’s been speaking. But now he’s curious.

"Sides of what?" He can’t help but ask, hoping that someone will answer without looking for him.

A man with a pinstripe suit talks without even realizing it was Tommy who asked, "The opposing sides of the war-" 

Opposing sides of the war. Opposing sides of the war. The opposing sides of the war. He’s running from the battlefield before he even realizes he’s gone. He hears someone call his name and a few others echo that call but he won’t go back there. Please, please, please no. He hears the sounds of withers and explosions. He can hear the opposing side’s cheers as his friends die. It was never meant to be. The final control room. Eret betrayed them. They all lost a life. He’s already lost two lives. He only has one left. His brother is dead. Wilbur is dead. That’s a good thing right? It means his brother won’t have to suffer anymore. He couldn’t save his brother. He couldn’t save his best friend.

He doesn’t know where he is. The ground is hard beneath him but he can’t breath. Is it possible to drown on dry land? Why is he just sitting here? They’ll catch him if he doesn’t keep running. He pushes himself off white walls and turns to run only to smack into someone coming around the corner of the building. 

He’s knocked back to the ground and the world spins. Over the sound of his own heartbeat in his ear he can sorta make out someone say, "A Kid?" 

"Oh no." Everything sounds far away. There are people here. He's walked right into two of the enemies. He's as good as dead. 

He has to leave. He has to run while they're distracted. He tries to get himself up from the ground only to fail and fall back down against the hard stone. Someone is asking him a question, "Woah dude, are you alright?" 

Are they asking him a question? He squints, trying to make out the people in front of him. The world comes together to see a person with a moustache and someone with a robot eye. He doesn't know these people. He shuts his eyes again and curls in on himself. He doesn't understand. What is going on? Why is he so scared? Why can't he breathe? 

"Iskall he's having a panic attack." One of the people says. He recognizes the words. A panic attack? It sounds familiar but when he tries to remember why all he can hear is laughter blending into explosions. The world is shaking. The ground crumbles beneath him and - there's something touching his arm. 

He wretches away from the touch, eyes shooting open to identify the threat. It's the person with the robot eye. They're holding up their hands in a non threatening way. They're not a threat to Tommy. Their voice is warm when they ask, "Can you hear me? Is it okay to touch you?" 

The thought of them not being a threat is quickly overrun by maniacal laughter. Let's be the bad guys, let's be the bad guys. Wilbur wasn't a threat before. People change. He can't trust anyone. The mustached person watches him before turning to robot eye and quietly saying, "Iskall I don't think he can hear us, we need to go get-" 

"NO!" He chokes out on half a breath. No, no, no, no, no. He doesn't know these people. He doesn't trust them. But what if they bring back someone he does know? What if it's an enemy? What if it's one of his brothers? He'd rather leave his fate to strangers than anyone he knew. 

"Alright alright, can you match my breathing? In and out, in and out, may I see your hand?" Robot eye, what was the name, he doesn't remember what the other person said. Robot eye asks for his hand, holding out one of their own like a request. He doesn't want to take it. He doesn't want to take it. A grounding presence. Calm the breathing. Match my breathing. Static fills his head in the places where memories should be. He holds out his hand. Robot eye gently maneuvers his violently shaking hand onto their chest, he can feel a steady heartbeat beneath his palm. The slow, exaggerated rise and fall of their chest. They're talking to him again, "See just time it with mine okay? Don't think about it, just follow what you feel."

He feels like he's drowning. He feels like the world is shaking. He chokes on his own sobbing and panicked breathing, "They, don't, don't let -"

"Hey, hey it's okay, it's okay. Just match my breathing okay?" Robot eye whispers to him. Gently tapping his wrist to get his attention. Through blurry vision he can make out the fact they're counting but he can't hear the numbers. 

"Can't, can't, too loud." Even his own words sound like a roar in his ears. He's going to die here isn't he? This is where they died, this is where it ended. The cramped walls of the ravine loom over him as yelling echoes from nearby. Its too loud here, its always too loud here.

"Mumbo, do the Sahara protocol." Robot eye says to mustache. 

Mustache, Mumbo?, looks bewildered at Robot eye who merely nods with a raised eyebrow as if saying to speak. Mumbo sighs but starts to explain something, "So you start by selecting the items you want which sends the order keys back -" 

He tries to focus on whatever is being said but it's so over his head that he doesn't even know what the hell is being said. In a brief respite of everything not being deafeningly loud, he can hear the Robot eye person quietly reassuring him, "There you go, just match my breathing. In and out, in and out."

"When the order key… gets sent back to the warehouse… the connected...." Mumbo’s voice fades in and out as he tries to calm his breathing. His heartbeat pounds loudly in his head and everything seems muffled as he tries to make sense of the world.

"Conn- connect the what?" He struggles to ask through shaky words. What the fuck is this dude talking about? Didn’t he hear something about pistons?

There’s a pressure on his wrist as someone, Robot eye, squeezes his arm lightly to get his attention. Its a little hard to hear but he can make out the concerned voice that tells him, "Hey, hey, don't speak, no speaking until you're matched up your breathing."

So he sits there and listens to whatever the fuck is being talked about. He closes his eyes and just listens. This has to be about redstone. He’s heard repeater and comparator which he’s pretty sure are redstone things? His knowledge of anything beyond basic pistons and stuff is basically nothing. Eventually it feels like he isn’t dying anymore. He opens his eyes to see Mumbo pacing back and forth as he talks. 

"And then once the shulker box loader is done," Mumbo is just making up words at this point. What the fuck is a shulker box? A loader? Are these english words? He’s too busy trying to figure out what the fuck a shulker box loader that he misses more of whatever is being said. He only snaps out of his own thoughts when Mumbo finally stops pacing, "Until finally the order arrives and you can remove your items from the shulker box." 

He stares up at Mumbo, hoping that he looks as confused as he feels. When Mumbo merely shrugs he looks towards the other person who asks, "Better now?" 

"Yeah, what the fuck was all that?" He questions, ignoring how raspy his voice sounds.

Mumbo looks at him like he’s the one making up words, "The panic attack or the redstone?" 

"You were talking about redstone!?" He can’t help but squawk.

"Yeah?" Robot eye hesitantly answers.

Everyday he is just a little bit closer to losing his mind like Wilbur did, "What the fuck."

The conversation forcibly switches topics when Robot eye suddenly points at him and declares, "Oh wait you're that Tommy kid!" 

"I'm not a kid!" He instinctively bites back before he realizes what was just said and pauses for a moment. He never told these people his name, "But my name is Tommy, how did you know that?"

"Dude we've met before, remember MCC?" Does he remember what now?

"What's MCC?" He asks confusedly. Why were these two saying fake words at him? Wasn’t it enough that he had a panic attack? 

"Minecraft Championships, run by Noxcrew? If you don't remember me then surely you remember False and Ren right?" Robot Eye person presses. The other two share a concerned look and he feels like he’s missing out on some inside joke. 

"Um.. You sure are saying words to me…" He tries to laugh it off but it really doesn’t work. He sure hopes he’s not supposed to remember these people.

"You're joking." Robot eye states and maybe he flinches a little at that.

"Uh…" He looks between the two of them trying to grasp any sort of name from his memory but he's only coming up with a whole lotta nothing. 

Mumbo awkwardly clears his throat, "Iskall I don't think he's joking."

They all sit there in the weird silence where the air hangs heavier than when he was in the middle of the panic attack. He realizes that his hand is still awkwardly held out against Iskall’s chest where he can still feel the other’s heartbeat. He bites the inside of his cheek, trying to push past the uncomfortable weirdness that he feels because everyone is going to be aware of what he’s doing and focus on him again at the movement. When he finally works up the courage to do so its right as Mumbo says, “We should probably tell the others you’re here.”

Immediately his world seems to darken at the edges of his vision. There’s hands on his shoulders and his eyes snap open, when did he even close them?, to see Iskall looking at him with concern, "Tommy, Tommy just breathe. It's to let Xisuma know you're safe. He becomes a mother hen when he's worried."

He nods weakly, trying to remember how to breath again. He hates this. Hates feeling like this. Hates having to rely on others for something so stupid. His breathing stutters to a more even pattern slowly. Mumbo holds up his communicator which is open to a private chat with Xisuma, "I'll even send a private message to Xisuma, do you want to watch me do it?"

He doesn’t understand why these two are being so kind to him. But he does want to watch Mumbo message Xisuma. Because even if they were nice to him, he still couldn’t trust them. He watches the messages pop up over Mumbo’s shoulder from where the man shifts to sit down next to him against whatever building is at his back.

MumboJumbo: Hey X, me and Iskall found your lost guest. We're probably taking him back to the jungle for a bit. 

He wonders what the jungle is aside from being a biome. Is that where these two live? He is thankful that wherever it is, its somewhere out of this shopping district.

Xisumavoid: Oh thank goodness you have him, is he okay? 

He feels bad for making Xisuma worry. Why does he always mess everything up? 

MumboJumbo: He's physically unharmed and a little shaken up still but he's okay

Xisumavoid: Okay? Why don't I believe that? 

MumboJumbo: Iskall says to remember the fifth? What does that mean? 

Xisumavoid: Tell Iskall I want to talk to him later but otherwise I'll leave Tommy in your hands. Thanks, you two. 

He can’t help but feel even worse at Xisuma’s trust. He has to clear his throat but he manages to rasp out, “Te- tell him I said hi. And, and that I’m sorry.”

MumboJumbo: Sounds good, Tommy says hi and sorry by the way. 

Xisumavoid: There's nothing to be sorry for Tommy, but hello back :P

MumboJumbo: :P

He zones out for most of the trip wherever they take him. The jungle right? It's only when he blindly stumbles into Iskall's back for a third time in the nether that he's forced into a piggyback ride. He passes out before they even leave the nether. Maybe letting other people help him is okay, just this once.

[faejilly]

I was tagged by @la-muerta​ & @facialteeth​ & @thedivinemissema​ for the WIP/Title Game

rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and interests you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

AND THEN  by @shadoedseptmbr​ @msviolacea​ & @ravenclawnerd​ for the “stories you want to write... but for some reason haven’t yet”

so this will be a mish-mash of both? The WIPs will mostly have blurbs in this case (to fit the second meme) but you are still welcome to ask follow-up questions, if you’d like ;) Assuming you make it through the list, it is uh. Not Short.

Anyone who would like to play with their WIPs, please consider yourself tagged in either or both of these. :D

Misc Fic Folder:

“untitled document” - where I’m working on fictober fills so I have word-counts for my GYWO tracker. I am not working on these because Brains Are Dumb and also Going Back To Work Is Exhausting

I made a file called “YULETIDE!” which has nothing in it but I’m determined to finish this year so that is definitely technically a thing in the Unending WIP List of Doom worth mentioning. (Tho obviously that’s all I could say even if I had started, because anonymous.)

“coda-fics, rewatch!” -yes, that exclamation mark is important! it’s to keep me motivated! (it didn’t work). Much like untitled, this is for putting stuff so I can do word count tracking even if I don’t know what I’m doing. Currently I think it just says “MARYSE” because I was working on my SH 1x6 coda-fic and then got distracted and haven’t typed anything up yet. (Yay notebooks? Boo notebooks? Not even sure at this point.)

WNIP (works not in progress) Folder:

“TOG” - I had one vivid mental image of how Nicky & Joe met (blood-stained evil smiles?) but then no idea for a follow-up story and also the fandom is insane and I’m not sure I want to deal with all of *gestures vaguely* all that

“Shan Xia Notes” -for a TTRPG that never quite got off the ground; she was a semi-tragic selkie who was still in love with the evil queen/lady who stole her skin and I got to play her for like one session and she was surprisingly chaotic neutral, which wasn’t at all what I’d been expecting. But the game never really got off the ground, so I never had enough info to really delve into writing backstory fic

“post-Kruschev” -Kruschev’s List was the last episode of Scarecrow & Mrs King, and I was debating writing an epilogue in place of the s5 we never got, to try and tie up some loose ends, but the fandom’s three old-ladies in trench coats and I never quite worked up the gumption to get it anywhere

“Code Realize warm as silk sequel” -there is literally nothing in this file except “SEX! Only a little angst” because I wanted to write some “we can’t actually touch each other” smut but never actually did. 🤷‍♀️

BioWare (also all Not-In-Progress Anymore)

“seb/adelaide”, “Theia” & “DAI Erana” -these WIP folders were cannibalized for ficlets for the last few times I did fictober, and while originally I had ideas for longer epilogues for all three of them, at this point I don’t think any of the remaining bits could support a story any longer.

”whispers in the dark” -Maia Ryder never really got much fic at all; the cancellation of any further Andromeda stuff was really disheartening, and at this point I’d have to play the game again, and I don’t think I’m gonna manage that any time soon

”TSP” -a Mass Effect 3 Shepard AU collab project that kind of went off the rails, and our mutual brains/lives never quite seem to line up so we can try and rebuild it ”Ngaio & Tane” -my one truly ruthless Shepard (Alliance background, who romanced Traynor) whose father Tane Shepard was, I think, in PsyOps, and I wanted to figure out their complicated relationship but never really did know where I was going with it

”JE Zu & Yaling” -so I’ve rambled about my Tragic Sagacious Zu Romance Thoughts regarding Jade Empire more than once (#Icy Yaling should have most of it) but apparently I want to yell about it more than I want to actually write it? Whoops.

”CI sequel: 5 times fic?” -Cruel Intentions is a kinkmeme fill that I started and then it sat for like five years before I actually finished it, and I liked the ending, but it does leave a giant fucking question mark in terms of how those people got from there to where they are after the game, and I kind of wanted to write a proper h/c fic rather than just... leaving them wallowing in all that trauma?

But I didn’t. I don’t even remember for sure how I wanted to frame the 5/1 of it all, besides it being something sad about allowing people to see you or touch you in some way. (Prayers maybe, since I think there was definitely some Sebastian & Fenris & faith stuff going on in there.)

“candles” -Merribela prompt fill that I never was happy with? Not sure what I might do with it at this point, so it’s just sitting there all sad and lonely and neglected-like.

Shadowhunters

pt1: WIP LIST ONLY

“Persuasion” -so I keep trying to write Persuasion AUs in many fandoms because it’s my favorite Austen, but I think I like it too much, I have no real solid concept of how I’d transform it, and if I don’t have anything else to say about different characters within that framework, I have no push to actually write anything? Also this SH version of it suffered from MASSIVE scope creep when I started outlining and it got too big for me to handle so I like, killed it twice? Whoops. This one is really probably never gonna happen.

“oosdt sequel” -I wanted to write more about the Forest That Eats People and Magnus & Alec as Guardians Between Worlds, and also some background Magnus’ Found Family & Lightwood Family Feels (maybe some clizzy?) and I left a Madzie plot-thread dangling from the first one on purpose even but I think this one had too many ideas and not enough focus so it’s sort of sprawling all over a doc with a lot of “???” in it

“procedural-ish” -this was originally going to be a sex-farce. and then it turned more serious. and then maybe kind of copaganda which was uncomfortable in terms of the Everything That Is The News in 2020, and then maybe it was more a Mafia AU and at that point I had self-inflicted tone whiplash and I wished the voices in my head were a little more forthcoming about their plans so I stopped before I brained myself on my computer monitor in frustration.

“I had rather a rose than live forever” -I started a reverse!verse Malec (Shadowhunter!Magnus, High Warlock!Alec) for bingo last year, and I couldn’t quite get it together in time, so I made a moodboard inspired by the bits I’d started instead. I may see if one of my prompts from Bingo this year help me finish it?

“fall fright fest (practical magic  au)” -exactly what it says on the tin! almost exactly a year old & neglected! IDEK ANYMORE (I talked about this one with the WIP meme last time tho: here)

“priest!kink theology?” -I thought it was gonna be smut? I like priest!kink. I have made other people like it and yell at me even! But then I kept diverging into demon!Magnus thinking about Priest!Alec’s faith and as usual, IDEK ANYMORE *laughs*

(If they’re remotely canon-adjacent or divergent, a bunch of these are in here because I need to rewatch the show to get the pacing/timing/tone right and I haven’t, and I don’t know why, because I enjoy the show, but BRAINS! Are Dumb! So I guess that’s it?)

“I do” -I have tried to write this damnable Malec arranged marriage fic like six different times. I have signed up for fic exchanges and bangs with it, I have rewritten massive sections, trying to change tone or structure or POV or whatever, and it basically comes down to they like each other too fast and I keep not gutting it enough to get back to a useful pace, but by the time I realized that I was on take six and kind of sick of it. I may get back to it eventually

“wing!fic” -canon divergent in early s1, trying to deal with the consequences of Simon’s kidnapping as the Truly Serious Event that it should have been. It uh. Got heavier than I expected with those consequences (considering it was originally just supposed to be Alec’s wings flirting with Magnus) and also see above re: rewatching for pacing.

“2x20 aftermath/date night/pandemonium porn“ -yes that is the actual wip title. It used to be “spite fic” because I was originally inspired by fighting against a lot of fic!Alec characterization that was clearly based more on the books and ATG syndrome than the Alec in the show, which is the Alec I know and like and want to read about. BUT, pacing and etc. again, I think. Also I have somehow entirely lost my knack for writing porn, which makes it difficult to finish something originally intended to be smut!fic. Or even teasing almost!smut.

“rubbish heap” -so this is about three different fics that I realized complemented each other really well so they’re now all in the same file as I try to turn them into the sequel of “with an if in its soul”. It includes amnesia, parabatai lore shenanigans, a s3 rewrite, and some truly awful Owl adjustments that make me wince in horrified authorly delight and pain. BUT, as with the other ones in this file, the scope is large and I normally write short-fic and I kind of just threw up my hands in exasperation. I may have to break it back up into the three different fics instead, if I ever actually want to write it. Them? But also I need to take better notes on s3 to make sure I have what I need in here.

SH Pt 2: Started posting or not yet in hiatus because it’s actually almost ready to be a thing in the real world! maybe!?

“kisses (firsts)” -I actually started publishing this one, a “series of firsts” that was supposed to be kind of relationship milestones and kind of an excuse for smut, and then there wasn’t that much smut and I lost momentum and also dear lords & ladies the timeline is stupid, wtf. I may not ever add to this one, tbqh. It doesn’t stop in a terrible place, and they’re all ficlets so they stand alone all right.

“clizzy epilogue” -this is blank atm, it’s more a reminder for me to keep poking away at my “girls who can’t breathe air, only fire” collection BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO ACTUALLY GET TO THE CLIZZY AT SOME POINT

"mer!alec" -pts 2-4 of a series, but apparently having an actual plan gets in the way of me *writing* the thing, and I haven't managed to throw the half an outline far enough away from my brain to be able to write again. Or something like that.

"ibhww" -if broken hearts were whole is a soulmate fic I started a million years ago, and purposefully set aside to finish some other WIPs because I thought they'd be quick, and now it's just buried under two and a half years of regret and shame so it's hard to get back to it

"iafy" -i am for you is a delightful & frothy semi-epistolary fluff piece that also just lost momentum because Life & 2020 & etc. It's far and away the most popular thing I've ever posted on AO3, which also makes me feel weird sometimes, and I feel like the fact that there's no grand conclusion planned, just a bit more fluff and settling in, might end up being disappointing? Basically, it's the first time I think I've psyched myself out about reader expectations, and until I get over that I'm going to have trouble finishing the last couple chapters. (There really are probably only two more chapters though. IT’S SO CLOSE, I wish I could just... write it. And yet?)

“fake-hating” -I do not like fake dating as a trope that much, I just do not get it, but I love outside POVs and arranged marriages and there’s this delighful tumblr post about how they wished there was more fic about people who were together but had to pretend they werent’, and uh. This may be that? Eventually? I’m not exhausted by my failure to finish it yet, so it’s still in the regular folder rather than the hiatus folder, even though nothing’s been posted for it.

AND I THINK THAT’S IT?

Not as terrible as it could be, but still. MANY WORDS THAT MAY NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. Posting the equivalent of one’s old ratty sketchbook is always a weird feeling. :D

[ofnine]

meet ailsa!

At a glance SHE may look like HAYLEY ATWELL, but in reality they’re just 38 year old AILSA Ó CLÉIRIGH, a HUMAN here in Barton Hollow. They are a MEMBER in the HUNTERS. They work as a DEPUTY SHERIFF here in town and are known for being CONSCIENTIOUS and CYNICAL. I’d watch my back if I were you...

BASICS

Full Name: Ailsa Mairéad Ó Cléirigh

Nicknames / Monikers: Ally, Lili (both rare)

Current Titles: Deputy Sheriff

Former Titles: Valedictorian ( Yale Law School )

Gender & Pronouns: cis female & she/her

Date of Birth: 17th February, 1982

Place of Birth: Cork, Republic of Ireland

Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Romantic Orientation: Biromantic

APPEARANCE

Faceclaim: Hayley Atwell

Height: 5 ft 8 in

Eye Colour: Brown

Favoured Expression: Half-smile.

Accent: Eastern Mid-Coastal, exhibited here ; the Irish can sneak out into her voice when she’s excessively tired, or has returned to Ireland for any considerable length of time.

Clothing Style: Either suits, waistcoats, or comfortable, when she’s not working; obviously, then, she’s got to be in uniform. If she could get away with waistcoats all the time, she sure would.

TRIVIA

MBTI Type: INTP-A

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Theme Song: A Rush Of Blood To The Head by Coldplay

Favourite Movie: Anna Karenina (2012), dir. Joe Wright

Preferred Weather: When it’s sunny, but not humid, so the weather isn’t out for murder and she can just perfectly enjoy it. The sky’s big, blue and beautiful.

Favourite Food: She doesn’t often have it, but she can’t resist a McChicken sandwich with cheese and extra lettuce sometimes, with the classic McDonalds fries. If you don’t eat your fries first, she doesn’t trust you.

Favourite Drink: Wild Cherry Slurpee. Yes, still.

Favourite Book: Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

BIOGRAPHY

The Sheriff likes to say that Ailsa Ó Cléirigh is the closest person he’s ever met to famed literary detective Sherlock Holmes, and he wouldn’t necessarily be far from the truth; she’s gotten so far so quickly because she’s always been so observant and deductive to the extreme. It’s also why the Sheriff is so keen to keep her around at Barton Hollow, and on side with his ideas about supernaturals.

She works hard at what she does, and she’s got the level but cynical head that means she can’t be blinded by what often trips people up: ‘thinking the best in people.’

Ailsa has been a natural pessimist since she was very young — even before she moved to America from Ireland — and Ailsa would attribute a grand deal of that to her parents. Her parents’ attitude of always pushing her harder, barely acknowledging the achievements she did make; it made a lonely child of her, perhaps, and an overachieving one.

( Which is a combination those of the modern age just know too well, isn’t it? We all know what happens to the kids who get on Gifted & Talented, or whatever; the same applies all the way up to her prime academic achievement. Graduating valedictorian from Yale Law School. )

She spent some years pursuing a career as a lawyer. And it was through this — when she was in her mid-20s — that she met now-Sheriff Grayson, who is, to this day, her boss. At the time, Ailsa wasn’t sure of her life. There was the deductive reasons: what would be most lucrative, what was most available, and it was the Sheriff who first told Ailsa Ó Cléirigh to pursue what she wanted; what drove her and made her motivated so that she wouldn’t regret doing it when she was out of time.

That led to her current career path, and they were both founding members of Barton Hollow; he became the Sheriff, and she his deputy, or as he’d say, ‘the logician to balance out the madness.’

After a while, he entrusted Ailsa with the truth of his being a hunter, and with the reason behind that. So used to his approval and support, she decided to help him. The reasons for his anger seemed rational enough, but it’s always been something she’s had somewhat of a moral crisis about.

She’s more hesitant, which makes sense on the surface — with her deductive nature considered. You probably wouldn’t guess she’s wrestling with herself about the whole situation, with condemning the many for the actions of the one.

( After all, if the supernaturals took the same attitude, the human race would be done. )

CONNECTIONS

Green Light — An on-again off-again connection ( okay mayhaps if someone wants to bring Chris Evans for this I would vibe ) between Ailsa and a supernatural muse; it happened before her boss drew her into the world of the Hunters, and this was actually likely the cause of the breakup. But however much they’d like to pretend, love isn’t so easily severed; they both despise that they’re still doing it, but they are simply drawn together.

College Rival — Ailsa narrowly beat her college rival to be Valedictorian of her class at Yale Law School. The rivalry’s been going on since they were both very small, and the tide shows no sign of turning any time soon; I’d love them to be a mundane but not a hunter, who thinks the hunters are — frankly — insane.

Tell Me — Ailsa’s best friend in the world, and it’s the story of best friends that are a little closer than the dictionary-accepted definition of ‘friends.’ There’s been feelings there since they were young, but neither of them have ever taken the step; but there’s the pact that if they’re single by 40 they’ll get married. ( They’re almost there. )

Someone To You — A supernatural who’s trying to draw Ailsa out of the world of the hunters. They think she’s salvageable, and it’s certainly slow going. A kind gesture here, a coffee there, they see what’s really at the core of Ailsa Ó Cléirigh; a lonely brand of child from the start, never recognised for her talents, so when someone ( the sheriff ) finally did, she found she’d follow them to hell.

Stakeout — Probably a vampire who’s got an interest in Ailsa, and who thinks the best way to get back at the Barton Hollow Sheriff’s Department would be to turn their poster girl.

[skyyclad-observer]

What is an Autoresponder and do I need one for My company? The 2nd Do I require to consider Email Marketing?

Having actually a targeted e-mail list and utilizing effective email marketing is like owning a individual bank device ... but just as long as you do it. The majority of people don't. It  is necessary to keep in mind, that I  have actually run email campaigns that have created thousands in commissions, and I  have actually sent e-mails that stopped working to produce a single cent. While it's not constantly foreseeable, there are things I  have actually learned throughout the years that can produce more consistency between the 2. Now assuming you've done the foundation and matched your deal to the list, there specify approaches you can do to increase your sales from each e-mail. It's of course difficult to talk to everyone individually. While they get the e-mail straight to their inbox and read it as if you sent it to one person, you really might be speaking to 10s and even numerous countless individuals at the same time. The technique here is that all of us have basic attributes that you should be "speaking" to. Take advantage of these and enjoy your results soar. A while back I surveyed among my lists and the following are concepts I've pulled from the specific words utilized by genuine paying clients. Save Time: The bulk of us get a lot of email, and it's safe to presume we have really hectic lives. The trick here is that we all MAKE time for the important things we desire. (like maybe your promotional deal!). Here's how to tap into this belief. Prior to sending your next promo, ask yourself ... Does the deal conserves your customer valuable time? If so you must definitely discuss how it does. " Do you squander hours, on x, y, and z? Would you rather hang around on (list more fascinating things). Here's an offer that conserves you time by doing this, and letting you do (the more interesting things).". Fix a Problem:. Aggravation is a huge motivator! Knowing your audiences most significant issues, and disappointments is the crucial to increasing your sales. It's an simple sale if you can legally offer a service to assist them solve a huge issue. Your only job then is to clearly explain and let them understand how it does that. Integrate it with the time technique above you have severe sales firepower. " Are you squandering your time attempting to fix this huge and discouraging problem? Think of just how much simpler your day would be if that problem was gone. The terrific aspect of this (insert item) is the hours of time it conserves and how it solves xyz issue by doing this this and this. Here's where you get can it now ...". Entertain:. The number of people sit down each night and see TV for a minimum of an hour? Think of all the different ways, and billions of dollars invested in home entertainment. It ought to be obvious that we like a little enjoyment and range in life. Make sure your e-mails not just discuss the product, however they are amusing and interesting at the same time. Inform stories, and paint pictures. If you can conserve time, solve a problem, and be amusing or entertaining in the process. Well golly gee you're going to be popular and wealthy at the very same time! " Bahhh, Bahhh ... The animals shuffled in line, one by one. What a frustrating zoo this day has actually been. Today I was standing in line at the coffeehouse. I felt rather silly simply waiting there, and began to fantasize. When I suddenly envisioned everybody bleating aloud like sheep. I nearly lost it chuckling in the middle of Starbucks. Can you envision me, the crazy person in line simply breaking out laughing. Possibly I really was insane. Who wishes to stand around like sheep squandering valuable time, for an overpriced cup of joe. Back at house on the computer system, and truly sulking I got to believing. There's got to be a much better way. After one smart Facebook post about the encounter and hours of cat videos later ... Bingo ... I stumbled onto this ... (affiliate link). This remarkable maker makes actual Starbucks coffee right there on your countertop. Get this ... it does it in 10 seconds at the push of a button. What a relief. I went to the store and purchased it on the spot. Think which line I WON'T remain in tomorrow. And waste time in line for a easy coffee than I extremely suggest this super awesome immediate coffee maker if you do not want to pay too much. You do not even have to leave your home to purchase it. You can get it right here online ... ( link). Now you've got more time for cat videos like me! Bahhh bye for now!". Got it? Amusing, story, entertaining, conserve time, resolve problem ... instantaneous sale! Speak with Emotions:. Okay, I snuck this one in there on the previous example. Unless you're a cyborg or something, you probably have experienced more than your share of feelings in a life time. Think what? They work fantastic in story telling, and sales. In the above story, I felt disappointed, ridiculous, and laugh out loud pleased, and finally relief. Many times ours problems come along with extremely specific feelings. Anger, disappointment, sadness, and so on. With those issues resolved, we experience the opposite. Delighted, relieved, pleased. When you feel these things, take note. Incorporate them into your marketing. More than happy when you earn money from all your e-mail sales. Develop Exclusivity:. Someplace deep within us is a 5 years of age joking protruding their tongue and stating "na na I got this and you donnnnn' t". It's some type of tough coded feeling that we desire to be special distinct flowers of exclusivity. Imagine you see an incredible product of clothes at the store, buy it, and enjoy. Then the next day you are standing in line for coffee (see what I did there hahaha) ... and literally EVERY person in line was wearing the very same thing. Well gosh you might feel a bit disappointed. It's likewise the factor so many iDevices are sold on the first day, since there's a limited supply and you'll be among the choose couple of that has it initially. Let's see how we may make this work. As an affiliate you have restricted effect on the exclusivity of the product you're promoting. BUT you can develop your own. You can include worth, service, or perk to the deal that Remains In minimal special supply. No one else will get this important bonus offer but you, my valued customer. Geminii Review:. Geminii has been created to offer HUGE worth on the front end and will offer any rookie access to the 3 most crucial tools that EVERYONE needs when they begin their online business. These 3 essential tools are also consisted of in the ONE TIME ONLY cost that would otherwise cost you specific month-to-month fees. The apps consist of:. - Simple cloud based autoresponder to permit users to begin with the wildly lucrative email marketing organisation design. Features include the ability to upload their customer lists via.csv, send unlimited e-mail newsletters. - The Geminii e-mail marketing tool box; Increase your click rates using Timers, Scarcity Bars and Buy Buttons " Within" your emails. - Squeeze page developer with 2 adjustable templates totally hosted by us with the choice to download all leads generated. - Training by zeeshan will show you how each private app works and Jono will reveal you how all of the apps fit together and how to begin driving traffic to your pages utilizing Bing advertisements. - Premium List Building Earnings Tools WITHOUT Month-to-month Costs - Conserve $1000s annually. - Maximize Your Email Profits & Conversions - Without any copywriting skills. - Your Own On-Demand Traffic Source - For endless revenue potential. - Effortlessly Start & Grow Lists In Any Specific Niche From Scratch - 100% novice friendly. - Automate & Scale Your Income - The very best passive revenue technique on the planet. - Develop Potentially Life-altering Earnings In Minutes Each Day - Simply by sending out an e-mail.

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[goodguysparis]

What is an Autoresponder and do I need one for My business? The second Do I need to think about Email Marketing?

Having a targeted email list and using effective email marketing is like owning a personal bank device ... however only as long as you do it. Most people don't. It's crucial to note, that I've run email projects that have generated thousands in commissions, and I  have actually sent emails that failed to produce a single penny. While it's not always foreseeable, there are things I've learned for many years that can produce more consistency between the 2. Now assuming you  have actually done the groundwork and matched your offer to the list, there are specific methods you can do to increase your sales from each email. It's naturally impossible to speak with everyone separately. While they get the email straight to their inbox and read it as if you sent it to a single person, you in fact may be talking to 10s or perhaps numerous thousands of individuals simultaneously. The technique here is that all of us have standard characteristics that you must be "speaking" to. Use these and watch your results soar. A while back I surveyed one of my lists and the following are concepts I've pulled from the exact words utilized by genuine paying clients. Conserve Time: The majority of us get a lot of e-mail, and it's safe to presume we have extremely hectic lives. The trick here is that all of us MAKE time for the things we desire. (like maybe your marketing deal!). Here's how to tap into this sentiment. Before sending your next promo, ask yourself ... Does the offer saves your client precious time? , if so you need to definitely explain how it does. . " Do you waste hours, on x, y, and z? Would you rather spend time on (list more intriguing things). Here's an offer that conserves you time by doing this, and letting you do (the more interesting things).". Fix a Problem:. Disappointment is a huge motivator! Knowing your audiences greatest problems, and frustrations is the crucial to increasing your sales. It's an easy sale if you can legally offer a option to assist them fix a big problem. Your only task then is to plainly describe and let them know how it does that. Combine it with the time trick above you have severe sales firepower. " Are you squandering your time trying to resolve this aggravating and substantial issue? If that issue was gone, imagine how much easier your day would be. The great feature of this (insert item) is the hours of time it saves and how it solves xyz issue by doing this this and this. Here's where you get can it now ...". Amuse:. The number of individuals sit down each night and watch TELEVISION for a minimum of an hour? Consider all the numerous methods, and billions of dollars invested on entertainment. It needs to be obvious that we like a little excitement and range in life. Ensure your emails not just discuss the item, however they are amusing and interesting at the same time. Inform stories, and paint images. If you can conserve time, fix a issue, and be amusing or amusing in the process. Well golly gee you're going to be popular and wealthy at the same time! " Bahhh, Bahhh ... The animals mixed in line, one by one. What a frustrating zoo this day has been. Today I was standing in line at the cafe. I felt rather silly simply waiting there, and began to fantasize. When I all of a sudden thought of everyone bleating aloud like sheep. I almost lost it laughing in the middle of Starbucks. Can you envision me, the insane guy in line simply breaking out laughing. Maybe I in fact was insane. Who wants to stand around like sheep squandering valuable time, for an overpriced cup of joe. Back at house on the computer, and rightfully sulking I got to believing. There's got to be a much better way. After one clever Facebook post about the encounter and hours of cat videos later on ... Bingo ... I stumbled onto this ... (affiliate link). This incredible maker makes actual Starbucks coffee right there on your countertop. Get this ... it does it in ten seconds at the push of a button. What a relief. I ran to the store and purchased it on the area. Guess which line I WON'T remain in tomorrow. If you do not desire to pay excessive, and lose time in line for a simple coffee than I highly suggest this super remarkable immediate coffee machine. You do not even need to leave your house to purchase it. You can get it right here online ... ( link). Now you've got more time for cat videos like me! Bahhh bye for now!". Got it? Amusing, story, entertaining, conserve time, fix problem ... instant sale! Speak To Feelings:. Okay, I snuck this one in there on the previous example. Unless you're a cyborg or something, you most likely have experienced more than your share of feelings in a lifetime. Think what? They work great in story informing, and sales. In the above story, I felt frustrated, silly, and laugh out loud pleased, and finally relief. Many times ours issues come along with really particular emotions. Anger, aggravation, unhappiness, and so on. With those problems resolved, we experience the opposite. Happy, relieved, pleased. When you feel these things, take note. Integrate them into your marketing. When you get paid from all your email sales, be happy. Develop Exclusivity:. Someplace deep inside of us is a 5 year old kidding protruding their tongue and saying "na na I got this and you donnnnn' t". It's some sort of difficult coded sensation that we want to be special unique flowers of exclusivity. Picture you see an incredible item of clothes at the shop, purchase it, and are happy. Then the next day you are standing in line for coffee (see what I did there hahaha) ... and actually EVERY single individual in line was using the same thing. Well gosh you might feel a bit dissatisfied. It's likewise the factor so many iDevices are sold on the first day, since there's a minimal supply and you'll be one of the choose couple of that has it. Let's see how we may make this work. As an affiliate you have actually restricted impact on the exclusivity of the item you're promoting. You can produce your own. You can add value, reward, or service to the deal that IS in restricted special supply. No one else will get this valuable reward deal however you, my valued subscriber. Geminii Review:. Geminii has been created to offer HUGE worth on the front end and will give any newbie access to the 3 crucial tools that EVERYONE requires when they begin their online organisation. These 3 necessary tools are also consisted of in the ONE TIME ONLY rate that would otherwise cost you private monthly costs. The apps consist of:. - Simple cloud based autoresponder to enable users to get going with the hugely lucrative e-mail marketing organisation design. Features include the ability to upload their client lists via.csv, send unlimited e-mail newsletters. - The Geminii email marketing tool box; Increase your click rates utilizing Timers, Shortage Bars and Purchase Buttons " Within" your emails. - Squeeze page creator with 2 personalized design templates totally hosted by us with the option to download all leads created. - Training by zeeshan will reveal you how each private app works and Jono will reveal you how all of the apps mesh and how to begin driving traffic to your pages utilizing Bing ads. - Premium List Building Profit Tools WITHOUT Month-to-month Costs - Conserve $1000s per year. - Maximize Your Email Profits & Conversions - Without any copywriting abilities. - Your Own On-Demand Traffic Source - For limitless earnings potential. - Effortlessly Start & Grow Lists In Any Specific Niche From Scratch - 100% beginner friendly. - Automate & Scale Your Earnings - The very best passive earnings technique on the planet. - Develop Possibly Life-altering Income In Minutes Each Day - Just by sending out an e-mail.

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[carminavulcana]

Meta- Silences and Insanities DVD Commentary

Written for Silences and Insanities 

Related works are in the Broken Unbroken Series

@teambaahubali @teammahishmati

Hi all, 

So I don’t actually know how DVD commentaries work but I am going to give it at shot here. 

This was my second story for the Baahubali fandom and I wrote it as an extra gift for the Baahubali Birthday Exchange 2018. Since I found out about it only 3 days before the submission deadline, I powered through it on a combination of rum-cola, Trader Joe’s heat-and-eat three-cheese ravioli, and an amazingly motivating background score in the form of Gordon Ramsey dropping f-bombs all over the meat counter in Hell’s Kitchen season 3. 

It also helped that I was home alone with only one of our two dogs and both the guinea pigs. I didn’t have to bother about making dinner, doing the dishes, or generally being a civilized human outside of work. That’s how I was able to produce 17,000 words in two days. 

As far as the idea goes, it came from one of @parlegee‘s prompts. She wanted to see Amarendra in captivity while Mahendra and Devasena managed to get away. Of course, me being a sucker for angst, I literally took her prompt to its limit... and I was a bit afraid of doing that because I was very new to this very tiny and close-knit fandom. I didn’t want to accidentally write something that would automatically turn me into the fandom-weirdo-with-the-creepy-ideas. (Continue reading under the cut)

But at the same time, I was way more comfortable writing this than I would have been writing something canon-compliant; especially pertaining to the captivity period. Now this is no secret but I will say it again, I really do enjoy writing in the Silences and Insanities universe-- because a) Amarendra doesn’t die and there is always hope when the hero is alive and b) I can explore the deep, dark end of what such a long imprisonment would truly mean-- without having to abuse the female character. 

I should probably explain this. I am extremely uncomfortable with reading, writing, watching, or even discussing the abuse or suffering of women characters. I have had a stable and happy life but I also know something about being a victim of men who don’t understand the word ‘no.’ I guess, that is why I’d rather see and write a male character in this sort of a vulnerable position than a female. Though admittedly, Vaidehi in this universe, is an exception to that. 

Also, exploring Amarendra’s weaknesses, what might break him down, what he might be like underneath that warrior’s exterior; was important to me. A good man who is unstoppable on the battlefield and a perfect ten with the ladies AND a feminist is... just too good to be true... so much so that while I would love such a man as my husband, I can’t have him because-- gasp!-- he doesn’t exist. 

How could I make someone like him real without *actually* killing him?

Simple. I made him bleed. I made him weep. I made him shiver with cold and hunger and loneliness. 

Don’t get me wrong. Writing this story was hard on me. I constantly felt horrible and guilty for putting him through a fate that no one deserves. But I also constantly reminded myself that if anyone could come out of it intact (or somewhat intact), it would be him. 

I also tried to deal with a few other things in this story. Katappa deserved better than the hand he was dealt in the original films. In my mind, the S&I ‘verse is slightly kinder to him in the sense, Baahubali isn’t dead and Katappa can occasionally come and assuage his guilt by bringing him food and medicine. In the same vein, Bhalla’s arc is a little bit different. 

He is darker, more conflicted, more splintered because he is unable to find peace even after destroying his hated brother completely. When he had Devasena at his mercy, he didn’t seem to particularly want her. Even the movies imply that instead of actively hurting her, he tormented her with neglect and constant exposure to the elements-- partially because she wasn’t the true target of his anger. And he knew that deep inside even if he couldn’t ever let that secret out. His true target was always Baahubali and even in death, he wanted him to hurt at the sorry state of the wife he left behind. 

In the S&I universe, he does not have to pretend; not this way at least. He has Baahubali at his mercy. Why then, does peace not come? Why then, does no amount of active torture and abuse give him the kind of satisfaction he needs? Why is the respite only temporary?

@mayavanavihariniharini and @heyifinallyhaveablog have touched upon Bhalla’s obsessive love for his brother that may have had sexual undertones. And that could be the key to unlocking Bhalla’s behavior in canon and in this AU. Truth be told, even I had thought that Bhalla came across as a sexual sadist (the way he mutilated Amarendra’s corpse with such relish! ugh!) and someone who was afraid of acknowledging the object of his darkest fantasies. 

After all, this was still the 9th or 10th century CE. With toxic masculinity very much a part of the so-called warrior persona, did he question his worth as a man because of how he felt about his brother; another accomplished warrior who was perhaps better than himself? 

And could he dominate someone who mother would crown king over him? Would he be able to do so even in his dreams? 

Apparently not. 

I don't believe he was clear about most of this himself. And I intend to explore his mind in the S&I ‘verse in greater detail through a fic. 

Anyway, moving on. 

Another reason for the way this story turned out, was my desire to see Mahendra grow up with Devasena around. I was really, really annoyed by his creepy, stalking behavior with Avanthika and I do believe that had he been raised primarily by Devasena, he would have been more like his father than the aimless, tactless, brainless vagabond we were subjected to. Pacha Bottesi (and the bits just before it) was the worst. The. Worst. 

All in all, this piece of writing was complicated to say the least. But I am pretty proud of it. I am in the process of writing its sequel and I keep expanding this universe with one-shots set in it. 

Sometimes I worry that I am annoying peeps in the fandom with this sort of writing.

 But I can’t help it! 

This ‘verse is very real to me and I cannot imagine abandoning it when so much of it remains to be fleshed out. Besides, the happily-ever-after hasn’t yet happened. And it is going to be a while before near-complete healing and acceptance come to AmarSena. So, if you are up for it, stay with me. I will be glad and I will make it worth your while. 

[houseofvans]

SKETCHY BEHAVIORS | INTERVIEW WITH NICOLE MOMANEY 

Through beautifully depicted and realistically rendered images of flora and fauna, LA based artist Nicole Momaney’s paintings are both dark, peaceful and highly symbolic. Interested in ideas of death and transformation, Nicole’s paintings are meditations on death and dying, and through her process of creating this art does it become not an idea to be feared or avoided, but rather something that is natural, approachable and beautiful. With works in La Luz de Jesus’s 33rd annual group show, Laluzapalooza, opening Friday, March 1st, Nicole is busy busy, so we’re excited to catch up with her to talk more about her art and process.

Take the leap! 

Photographs courtesy of the artist.

Introduce yourself.  My name is Nicole Momaney.  I work under the name Spirited Animals as a painter in the lovely city of Los Angeles in a rad studio space called Bill’s Bar with several other artists.

What’s your background as an artist? Were you self taught or did you attend an art school? I went to school for Illustration at MassArt in Boston.

How would you describe your work to someone who isn’t familiar with it? What would you say your art is about? Or rather what topics and themes do your works tend to touch upon? I’d describe my work as a little dark and highly symbolic.  Everything I paint is based on reality, mainly flora and fauna, that I reconstruct/reorient in ways to drive home the meaning of the painting.  Most of my artwork deals with death and transformation.  I feel that culturally the western world has essentially swept death under the rug.  This is, of course, a privilege many other people in the world don’t have, but it comes at a great price that directly feeds our disconnection to the natural world and encourages insane levels of fear based thinking.  We don’t openly grieve.  We barely discuss it.  We have neat little gatherings where hardly anyone cries, and we make perfectly curated speeches about our loved ones that may or may not reflect the reality of who they were.  And then we are buried under the ground in a box where, rather than feeding the milieu and cultivating new life, we quietly decompose, completely separated from the place we came from. (I am speaking generally here of course, I recognize there are exceptions.) Through it all, there is this shadow lurking in the corner waiting for you to acknowledge its hand in the situation, and even honor it, because someday that hand is going to touch you, too. Most of my paintings are my way of trying to come to terms with this and meet death in a place that I find approachable and beautiful in a sense.  

What do you think made you gravitate toward painting as a medium? What about painting do you enjoy overall perhaps other mediums? Maybe the paint chose me? Hahaha.  I guess for me color is HUGE.  I love color and paint is the ideal way to express that.  I also really enjoy linework but in the context of a rendered image.  Nothing makes me happier than taking that tiny 0 round brush and adding the final flowing detail lines to an image.  It’s seriously my happy place.  Lana Del Rey, Cadmium Red Light and a 0 round brush...heaven.

Is there a medium you’ve yet to try and you’d love to one day explore? Tattooing actually!  I love the idea of the body as canvas and marking it with something permanent. The entire process is very alchemical/ritualistic to me.  I love getting tattooed and am really into the idea of experiencing the other end of that exchange.

When you’re working on a new piece, what’s the process like for you? Do you work from sketches or models or various references? My process starts out a bit scattered. Sometimes I have a particular animal or plant that has a connection to my personal mythology I’d like to explore. Other times I’ll have a specific idea in mind and will research flora and fauna that appropriately supports the concept symbolically.  

I then source images and do a bit of digital collage and painting.  This is how I create the initial image.  I then transfer that image onto canvas and start painting.  Sometimes the finished painting will look almost exactly like the digital, sometimes I’ll make tons of changes during the actual painting process.

In your studio or creative area, what type of things do you keep around to inspire you or keep you motivated? Currently I have a nautilus shell, a beautiful emerald green scarab I found, a few crystals, a mini taxidermied leather elk, a deer leg and my Tibetan prayer flags I got in the Himalayas.  I’m also lucky enough to be surrounded by other artists and their work which is energetically inspiring.  I worked alone in my room for years and years.  Having a studio space with other people has been awesome.

What’s your best art tip you can share with folks? Best art tip - if it isn’t working don’t force it.  Don’t be afraid to change something.  

What kind of advice would you give someone who is interested in becoming an artist? I’d say do whatever you can to put yourself in a place where you’re doing something artistic as much as possible. I can’t overstate that the more you put in the more you’ll get out. For me that meant making a lot of sacrifices and opting out of a lot of comfortable situations.  Art is uncomfortable.  Growth in general is uncomfortable really, so art is fantastic for people who want to continually grow and push themselves.  

When you’re not making art, what else do you do that you find creatively satisfying? Or how do you just like to spend your quiet time? I love hiking.  Spending time in nature, particularly the mountains, is essential to staying balanced for me. It’s like a recharge. I also love going out and supporting my friends in their creative endeavors–music, art, food, drink etc.

What are you constantly inspired by? And who are some of your early and current art influences? I’m forever and always inspired by nature.  Early art influences (and still very relevant to me): Mark Ryden, Odd Nerdrum, Dave McKean, Joe Sorren, Walton Ford. Current influences: Allison Summers, Lauren Marx, Martin Wittfooth, Elizabeth McGrath, Tiffany Bozic, Adrian Baxter, Aaron Horkey...tons more

Who would you love to see interviewed for our next Art School? That’s a tough question!  Keep it coming with the ladies though.  It’s awesome to see so many women being recognized and lauded in the art scene now.  

What are your FAVORITE Vans? Definitely slip-ons.  I lived in checkerboard slip-ons for years.

What do you have coming up that you can share? I'm showing paintings at Laluzapalooza at La Luz de Jesus opening this Friday 3/1 from 8-11 pm. I have a few paintings I’m working on for upcoming shows in 2019. So keep posted!  

FOLLOW NICOLE | INSTAGRAM | ETSY

[kyndaris]

How to be Inconspicuous 101

Tucked away in an office job, lunch has become the new water cooler. All gathered around the communal kitchen, it has helped enable me to learn a great deal about my fellow coworkers. While thirty minutes may not be the longest break when it comes to partaking of the midday meal, it has afforded me the opportunity to understand various facets of my colleagues and chat about anything that comes to mind as I munch on the leftovers brought from home. There are some that prefer the waft of fresh air (a valid choice after sitting for approximately three to four hours) but it does make it difficult to connect with others unless they are members of your team or simply within your immediate vicinity. And while toilet breaks are also a good chance to shoot the breeze with everyone locked into their very own cubicle, the three to five minutes only allows for a brief topic to be discussed before it’s back to the daily grind.

Though what is discussed at the lunch table can vary wildly, from weekend plans to the US government shutdown or how unsafe Sydney feels with the discovery of a dentist in a suitcase (and yes, I know that it’s old news by the time this post is published), there’s always something to keep our mouths chatting away the precious time we’ve been allocated to refuel for the afternoon ahead. Usually, there’s a strong focus on the general day-to-day. Complaints about the workload, gossip about so-and-so...

But then you encounter the deep meaningful talks - wondering about criminal motive and how multiple stab wounds might be indicative of explosive anger impulses. You know the ones - when we try to break down the most recent tragedy and put down our own guesses to a murder mystery.

As the resident armchair criminologist (due to the degree I pursued all those years ago at university), I often like to chime in and offer my unwarranted two cents. Due to my familiarity of the basic theories of crime and some basic psychology courses I did during my tenure, I often terrify one or two of my colleagues as I describe in detail the possible scenarios. In fact, one of my coworkers now obliquely jokes about what I might do to his hapless corpse once I’m finished. A little macabre perhaps and not something I would actually entertain. I mean, I am a law-abiding citizen for goodness sake without a mean bone in my body. The only crimes I have ever committed where in video games - where I very much enjoyed robbing stagecoaches in Red Dead Redemption 2.

Still, this whole enterprise had me thinking about a terrific series on Netflix. You. Yes, I know it has been months since it was first released on the streaming giant and that many of the elements within are quite unrealistic when looked at critically, but a blogger can be bogged down with other shows and books and planning the numerous ways I can kill the players in my Dungeons and Dragons campaign (again, only in the realm of make-believe).

Whether it was my inherent interest in Sherlock Holmes at a young age or the influence of watching far too many Detective Conan during my stays in China, crime has always been an area of interest to me. And one of the key ingredients to any salacious crime novel is the motive. What were the reasons behind the criminal’s actions? What could have pushed them into committing so heinous a murder?

You, much like the short story I published quite a while ago, is about someone that observes the world around them and instantly makes assumptions about the people that inhabit it. He isn’t always wrong in how he dissects the behaviours of those around him and played by Penn Badgley, there is something innately charismatic about Joe. Whereas my nameless protagonist teetered very close to insanity.

In the end, though, his desire to ‘save’ Beck and be her knight in shining armour backfires. Instead, he is unmasked to the audience as the villain. Yet even after disposing of Beck’s body, he does not believe he is in the wrong. As one article I read advised, Joe Goldberg is the perfect example of toxic masculinity that has saturated our society. In many ways he is the extreme version of the ‘nice guy’ that immediately blames the woman if their advances are rejected.

It is important to understand that obsession is not love and if anime has taught me anything, yanderes are incredibly terrifying. No one wants to be with a yandere. Don’t be a yandere.

Of course, in saying that, it doesn’t hurt to do some research into the potential people you may be dating. Or learning a little bit more about your colleagues at work. And just like Joe from You, I was able to glean a wealth of information from a basic search on social media about the myriad people I surround myself with. Seriously, people out there need to learn to put less personal information on the internet and stop making it so easy for unsavoury individuals to find out everything from addresses to the name of their first pet.

That aside, perhaps people would be less suspicions of my intentions if I stopped memoring their residential addresses and mobile numbers. For this blogger, I suppose it is something I should actively look into if I want to retain my cover as an innocent bystander.

[dreamofawonderfullife]

Virtue and Moir's post-Olympic party still going strong

Eight years ago, Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir's first Olympic gold medal was celebrated with a parade through Ilderton.

This time, the ice dance stars are flipping the script.

“It’s our turn to say thank you to everyone,” Virtue said this week from Halifax, where the cross-Canada Stars on Ice tour launches Friday.

The skaters are going to throw a bash for fans. The early target is the August long weekend in Ilderton, by the arena, right near the Moir clan’s backyard.

“Alma and Joe’s house, it’s a pretty good green room for a party,” Scott said, referring to his parents’ place. “I want to get some good people in there, some bands, and we want to give back and raise some money for charity. We’ve been so blessed. The London and Ilderton community has always given us such great support.”

They have been in demand these past two months since their PyeongChang return. Their winning appeal — and the fascination over their relationship status — landed them on Ellen’s talk show, giving the Canadians some well-earned publicity in the massive, yet hard-to-crack, American market.

“It was a lot of fun. There was so much energy, and we can always frame that in the context of what it means to the sport,” the 29-year-old Virtue said. “It’s good for ice dance and figure skating any time we have the chance to broaden that audience. We’re thrilled to do that. By no means was that ever a goal of ours. We just wanted to win the Olympics. The added benefits of whatever happened afterward, that’s just icing on the cake.”

Lately, the questions naturally have turned toward their future. What’s next?

Virtue is becoming a budding businessperson. She is the face of Nivea’s skin care line in Canada and has a keen eye for endorsement opportunities. When she’s not taking over TV networks for a day, she’s on the cover of another magazine.

She works hard to build strong relationships with companies and media partners.

Moir, who comes from a highly-regarded family of figure skating coaches, is helping out at the Ilderton club. It wouldn’t be surprising to see him eventually reach Brian Orser-like status, overseeing some of the best skaters in the world.

“I think the neat thing about our partnership is we’re so connected in what we do and the majority of our career has been intertwined,” Virtue said. “That’s been so incredibly special and we’ve talked at length about what that means to us. We’re also such different people pursuing such different things off the ice and it’s been nice to dive into various business opportunities while watching Scott passionately delve into the sport and setting up a competitive school. I’m so proud of him, much the same way I get support from him.”

“We still have that touchstone together always with skating. That will and always be the No. 1 priority.”

The tour — which arrives in London Sunday, May 6 — is booming. Ticket sale are “pretty insane”, according to Moir, and they’re preparing to perform in front of packed houses.

The skater, who famously skipped mandatory practice for the Olympic closing gala, couldn’t wait to start working on their show programs (which include Michael Jackson’s You Rock My World and, of course, the full four-minute Moulin Rouge free dance that clinched gold in South Korea).

“I was excited to come on tour. I never felt that way my whole career, and I love to skate,” the 30-year-old  Moir said. “It usually kicks in a couple of days later, once you get rolling, but something stirred with us. It’s the cast we have here. There’s a great energy, and we’re seeing the impact of what the Canadian team accomplished in February. Back home, the numbers at the club are good. We have six dance teams and I’m proud to say we have eight boys skating at Ilderton.”

“I want to help them. I miss home when I’m gone. I miss being a contributing member of my family. That’s important to me. I do have a ton of projects, but I want to be involved in the lives of my nieces and nephews. I need to get back to that a little bit.”

He plans to visit schools, inspire young people and become a mentor, on and off the ice.

“I’ll focus on that the next couple of years, while I can, before people forget my name,” he said. “We’ve been lucky to be successful and have a bit of a platform. I think it’s my job and our duty to make sure we’re good role models, talk to kids and help them shape their lives through sport and extracurricular activities.”

“To me, that’s what being Canadian is all about.”

It’s not about the Internet meme that followed Moir since Games end of him standing up at the women’s gold medal hockey game, beer in hand and complaining to the referees.

“If there’s one athlete that doesn’t want that viral attention, it’s Scott,” Virtue said with a laugh.

Moir remembered talking to Olympic skeleton champ Jon Montgomery, still famous for chugging from a pitcher of beer on the streets of Whistler after his victory in 2010.

“He couldn’t shake that,” Moir said. “His corporate relationships, they just saw him as a beer-drinking party animal when that’s not really Jon at all. He’s a great athlete and person. I like to have a beer, but I also have to be mindful of what 13-year-olds see when they watch the Olympics. I want them to see sport moments. I try to stay away from that other stuff and I have Molson Canadian sending me fridges.”

“I don’t need to be on TV reacting to every single event. After that game, I did kind of shut it down. At the curling game, I was sitting between my parents being very well-behaved.”

Virtue and Moir were an important part of Canada’s Olympic viewing experience. It felt like they were on TV continuously, from the CBC documentary and commercials they did as lead-in, to carrying the flag at the opening ceremonies, through their performances and right until the end.

“Starting the Games by carrying the flag, that was an Olympic moment by itself right on par with competing,” Virtue said. “And then you go right through to the exhibition gala on the closing day.”

“We got a lot of Olympic time, which is awesome.”

They don’t get enough credit for their leadership in bringing together the Canadian figure skating team to deliver that first team gold — the one that made Patrick Chan an Olympic champ.

“I didn’t necessarily take that lead in Sochi (2014) and I regretted it,” Moir said. “After that Olympics, I talked with Meagan (Duhamel) and Eric (Radford, the pairs skaters who retired from competition Wednesday) and they were in the same boat. We felt we weren’t aggressive enough in our approach to the team event.”

“This time, we were. We talked about it a lot, sent emails. I’m pretty outspoken and maybe the guy branded as the captain because of it, but it was a complete team effort. Meagan drove the gold-or-nothing train. Because of Stars on Ice, we’ve travelled and lived together, grew up together and that was a special team feeling no other country had.”

“We relied on building each other up instead of cutting each other down, and we never let up.”

It turned into an old-fashioned blowout. By the time Virtue and Moir got on the bus to go perform their free dance, they found out the Canadians already had clinched gold.

“That was a different feeling,” Moir said. “Here you are, nervous and getting ready, and you look at your phone and find out you’re Olympic champion.”

But there was still extra motivation.

“For me, with all the Russian doping allegations, I wanted to crush them,” Moir said. “I didn’t want the Russian team to be able to say, ‘Well, oh, one of our pairs teams wasn’t here, so we lost (a nail-biter)’. We wanted to say back to them, ‘Yeah, are they going to skate seven times, because we beat you by eight points.’

“That whole event reminded us of how great Canada is. We do sport for the right reason. That win-at-all-cost mentality really brings us down. It was a tough year for amateur sport that way and we needed that at those Games.”

“I’m very passionate about that because that’s something we have to protect, clean sport.”

When controversy overtakes the Games, it ruins the stories the athletes want to tell. Virtue and Moir were able to make theirs shine through on their biggest stage.

“Tessa was really mindful of that,” Moir said. “She had that vision. It didn’t feel forced. Maybe when you’re younger, you’re playing the Olympian card, trying to prove yourself and it feels like you have four minutes on the ice to prove it.”

“We didn’t feel like we had to do that this time. We just knew that here it is, this is Tessa and Scott, we love what we do, we love each other and it’s a really authentic story.”

“People grabbed onto it and that has been fun for us.”

The partnership — and party planning — rolls on.

RYAN PYETTE

[buddiebeginz]

Thoughts on tonight’s episode: (this is me venting and most of it isn’t positive so avoid if that’s not your thing)

-The Robron stuff-

So first thing upon getting up after they decide to get married officially the first thing Robron decide to talk about is Rebecca. 🙄 Seriously?

I have to say I agree with an anon I saw around on tumblr that said something about how they think one of the main reasons Rob proposed was because he’s wants Aaron to adopt Seb. While I don’t think that’s the only reason it definitely feels like the one the show is focusing on especially since they never really told us why Rob or Aaron wanted to propose all of sudden.

Not only was Rob calling Rebecca in the scene we saw, him and Aaron were talking about her, then we had Lachlan talking about Rob calling about Rebecca. I mean wtf?!

I don’t care how much fandom thinks I’m just being negative. Robron deserves better. The show thinks they can just throw us a special episode here and there and that’s enough. And you know what it’s not. I mean as much as I love every single kiss they ever have look at their kisses compared to the straight couples. Look how their scenes and how most of their physical interactions are compared to the straight couples. You can tell that the show tries to keep it super tame with Robron.

I know that the UK has the watershed but if the straight couples get to be more affectionate and even sexual sometimes Robron should be able to as well. I mean when was the last time Robron had a sex scene? When have they ever even had a scene where they woke up in bed together? The only time they’ve been together in the bed in the mill was for the reveal episode and the only reason that happened was so Rob could tell Aaron.

I know most of fandom doesn’t want to hear about this and I know most of you are just happy with whatever bone the show wants to throw you with Robron but I’m not. The show has a serious double standard for how they treat the straight couples vs the gay ones and even Vanity gets treated better than Robron (to an extent) because they’re two women and not seen as nearly risque. In society two women together are often seen as being more palatable especially by people who aren’t comfortable with lgbtq representation, they view them as just experimenting or whatever. While seeing two men together doing something as simple as kissing has always been seen as more sexual and even threatening to close minded people when it’s just not.

It’s obvious The show tries not to push the boundaries with Robron because they don’t want to alienate their conservative viewers and they worry about censorship problems. But they’ve shown a lot of things that push the boundaries of what should really be acceptable at 7pm with the straight couples showing nudity even at times.

Robron aren’t an old married couple they’re a young couple who the show is painting as so in love they want to get married twice. Yet instead of being super into to each other and excited about the wedding and talking about that they sit and talk about Seb and Rebecca. They didn’t seem excited about the fact that they’re getting remarried. Remember the kiss we got back in Oct of 2016 where Rob was so in love with Aaron he practically dragged him into the pub bathrooms and kissed his face off. Like where is their passion?

---

While it was nice to hear some of Aaron’s pov on Seb and what he wants I still think he has reservations given that look he gave Rob. I’m NOT saying he doesn’t love Sebo or that he doesn’t want to be a dad. It just seems insane to me to think that a person who had the kind of childhood he did wouldn’t have any fears or insecurities about the idea of being a dad. I think it makes sense if he still had some mixed feelings on things given his history and how Seb came to be all. Plus this all feels super rushed to me and it feels like Aaron and Rob should have been having convos about how he feels regarding Seb a while ago but the show is just throwing this is now for whatever is coming next.

Rob saying Seb has his genes really seems like a red flag to me about the paternity along with other things that’s been going on. Like with Ross being sort of brought back into the storyline for Rebecca, the random all of a sudden adoption talk, and then all the Rebecca Lachlan stuff. Plus I keep getting the feeling the show is hinting at Rob finding something first when he was looking around in Rebecca’s things and then when he was looking through her book. Plus there’s the Christmas episode with all the foreshadowing that feels like it’s all pretty much come true. Which Rob had been the focus of that and in the episode they said something happens with Seb and that’s like the last part that hasn’t played out yet.

I know some think there's no chance for a paternity twist but there has always been one. If ED wanted to shut down any doubt about Seb’s paternity they could have done it after he was born like the did with Isaac and Cain and they never did. It’s highly possible that Robron gets to a point where they think everything is great, they get remarried, then try to adopt Seb only to find out he’s not Rob’s. This means the adoption talk was brought up so that it could lead them down the road of adopting their own kid. Not saying it has to happen but the possibility is definitely there.

---

The engagement party at the mill is yet another foreshadowing of the Christmas stuff (when Rob walked into the mill and saw everyone around the table). And as much as I love that the family came to support them it still felt like the rest of all of this proposal stuff rushed and just shoved in because they need it for further storylines that are coming up.

The party didn’t really feel like it was about Robron it felt like it was about everything else and the majority it felt like it was about Rebecca and I’m sorry but that is just utter bullshit. You have two men who are going to get married and the only thing that they talk about at their engagement party is the woman who did her damnedest to try and come between them. I’m tired of being told to just get over this. I’m tired of being told I’m just being negative. Rebecca being shoved in Robron’s lives this much is homophobic and unnecessary. Robron’s engagement should be about them promising to spend their lives together forever. Robron should look like a loved up couple excited about their future together especially after what they went through last year. They should be talking about what they’re going to do for the wedding instead it was all about Rebecca. Most of the people who should have been there weren’t even there. Like why have Vic of all people working the pub when she’s Rob’s brother? They only had one scene at the end where the wedding was even talked about so it’s like all those people showed up but not one scene where people were going up to Robron saying congratulations to the happy couple.

I still don’t understand this attitude change of Chas either. I can understand Chas supporting Robron but she should have some skepticism after what happened last year I just don’t like the way they’ve written her this year. I want her and Rob to be on good terms but I don’t want a Chas who walks around like she has amnesia or feels like a different person.

So Rob is so in love and so excited about getting remarried he leaves his engagement party to go browse through Rebecca’s memory book. He couldn’t have possibly done that later??? >_<

Lachlan: Rebecca caused the crash because you Rob took Seb. So really it's Rob's fault. As usual Rebecca is blameless.

Yes Lachlan is lying to Rob but the show is still painting Rob like the bad guy for the day he took Seb. Like if he hadn’t taken Seb none of this would have happened. Never mind the fact that Rebecca was about to take Seb and leave the country that day so that’s still okay.

Rob would never just believe everything Lachlan says this is sooo stupid.

So has Liv really given up on all the stuff with Lachlan cause it kind of seems like it and if so that is also stupid.

Liv got more of a proposal from Aaron for her to be “best person” at the wedding than Rob got from Aaron to be his husband. Still bitter that the proposal went down the way it did.

Nice to know Robron are finally getting a stag do. Let’s hope it actually happens on screen and involves a ton less Rebecca.

-Sam/Lydia/Samson-

Look at the Sam and Lydia scenes yesterday and today. Look at how Lyda is able to be physical when comforting Sam. Hugging him and kissing him. This is What I'm talking about is missing with Robron. 99% of the time we only get physical affection on special episodes like we got yesterday and today. And while I loved it Robron deserves more. We deserve more as a fandom.

I know Samson was upset about his mom but it doesn't make sense that knowing the kind of caring kid he is he would just stand there and not be worried after pushing Lydia down the stairs.

-Graham and Joe-

I feel like this flashback episode with Graham should have happened a while ago. Like after he told Debbie about his history. Because it kind of feels like it came out of nowhere now. Like ED have had a lot of time to develop Joe and Graham more and they’ve just let them stagnate. They’re treating Joe like he’s this new and improved redeemed guy but he’s never atoned for all that he did when he got there and the motivations behind why he was doing what he did were never resolved either. All that stuff about him and his dad and his issues with Charity were just kind thrown away because he’s oh so in love with Debbie now.

Meanwhile with Graham I like the actor and the character but I’ve wanted to see more natural development like they had him tell Debbie his story but this whole flashback would have worked better I feel like if it came from him talking about it with Megan. Instead we just saw him crashing around the village like a drunken idiot. And we’re supposed to feel for him and what he’s been through but it all just kind of fell flat for me especially the big show down with him and Joe. Like that should have been really emotional only it just felt like two guys screaming in each others faces. The show wasn’t allowing us to see any of how Graham was really feeling other than he was feeling guilty over his wife but not how he feels towards Joe. He didn’t seem to care he just beat the shit out of him and left. I thought he saw Joe as like a son but I don’t think the show has done enough to build up that relationship before dropping an episode like this on us.

[tkmedia]

Dougie’s Monday Mailbag (Evander Holyfield, Oscar Valdez, ’70s greats vs. future stars)

Dougie’s Monday Mailbag (Evander Holyfield, Oscar Valdez, ’70s greats vs. future stars)

Photo by Amanda Westcott/Triller Fight Club 13 Sep by Doug Fischer THE OLDTIMERS Hello Dougie, hope you are well and healthy. Evander Holyfield’s performance was really upsetting for me to watch. However fit he might appear to be, he was in a life-endangering situation. Why do you think the oldtimers are doing this? Do they think something like “these modern fighters would be nothing in my time, I’ll show them”? Or is their desire to compete so great that it clouds their minds so that they put themselves in harm’s way in order to, unnecessarily, prove something to themselves? All of them have legacies that are being blemished by these I dare say circus acts. Do they view current scene as so low in quality that they are compelled to act? Anyway, this is a trend that won’t stop until someone gets seriously hurt. Maybe there should be the age limit on sanctioned professional fights, I don’t know. What do you think? Best wishes, and greetings from Serbia. – Vulic I think commissions need to do their jobs. All fighters have a drive that compels them to challenge themselves and push their bodies beyond normal human limits. Those egos don’t go away after they retire or when they get old. Great fighters often have the fiercest pride; the fire in their bellies is what made them special competitors as young amateurs, during their peak pro years, and even when they were past their primes. Holyfield is never going to think he can’t do something, especially the sport where he forged his legend. If he’s willing to step into the ring (and he will be for as long as he’s able to stand on two legs – that’s no exaggeration), there will always be a promoter and/or platform willing to try to capitalize on his legendary status. It’s up to the state athletic commissions to say no. Boxing is a crazy business filled with crazy mother f__kers. The state commissions – including tribal and commonwealth – need to come up with unified safety guidelines, so a dangerous matchups can’t simply cross borders and state lines to see action. Evander Holyfield’s performance was really upsetting for me to watch. I can imagine, but I wouldn’t know because I didn’t watch it. The highlights are ugly enough. However fit he might appear to be, he was in a life-endangering situation. Why do you think the oldtimers are doing this? They’re FIGHTERS! They still want to do what gave them purpose as kids, adolescents and young adults; and what brought them fame and fortune in their 20s and 30s. If somebody is going to offer them a big bag of money to come back, they’re gonna go for it. Do they think something like “these modern fighters would be nothing in my time, I’ll show them”? Or is their desire to compete so great that it clouds their minds so that they put themselves in harm’s way in order to, unnecessarily, prove something to themselves? I think it’s more of the latter. Holyfield probably had no idea who Vitor Belfort was. He wasn’t trying to prove anything to him. He was just challenging himself, setting a goal that would lead to another goal (like a Mike Tyson exhibition). All of them have legacies that are being blemished by these I dare say circus acts. It might seem like that now, but if they’ve reached Holyfield’s level of greatness, an embarrassing loss isn’t going to alter their status as icons. Mike Tyson is still Mike Tyson despite getting trashed by Kevin McBride in his final pro bout. How many times did we see Roy Jones Jr. KTFO once he got long in the tooth? He’s still Roy Jones Jr.! Joe Louis was unceremoniously (and brutally) sent back into retirement by Rocky Marciano and then he took part in crappy exhibitions and pro wrestling bouts. He’s still the Brown Bomber, an American hero. People don’t remember Muhammad Ali for the Antonio Inoki exhibition. He’s remembered as The Greatest because he fought every top heavyweight of the 1960s and 1970s (and usually won). I can go on and on, but I trust you get the picture. Do they view current scene as so low in quality that they are compelled to act? Maybe, there is a void, currently, of high-profile matchups between elite boxers in their primes. Anyway, this is a trend that won’t stop until someone gets seriously hurt. That’s a scary and depressing thought, but you’re not wrong. Maybe there should be the age limit on sanctioned professional fights, I don’t know. I’m thinking after 50, it’s gotta be a FRIENDLY exhibition. HOLYFIELD AND THE TRILLER DEBATE Hi Doug, Maybe the consensus for your mailbag readers is to ignore Triller events and pretend debacles like Holyfield vs. Belfort don’t exist (if we pretend, they don’t exist, they can’t hurt us!), but I have to express my disgust and sadness somewhere. What happened last night interfered with some of my most cherished memories, not just of boxing, but of family. I know I’m not the only person who feels this way, but here’s my story. I was raised in Ireland in the nineties. Boxing was my dad’s favourite sport, so it became mine too. While my friends and classmates were learning the names of their favourite soccer players, I was getting familiar with names like Tyson, Bruno, Lewis, and Holyfield. My dad and I would talk about boxing often and he would tell me about how heavyweight fighters of the 90s era compared to the likes of Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier. Those conversations would spark a lifelong curiosity about the lineage of boxing champions and the evolution of the sport.

Holyfield (left) on his way to stopping Mike Tyson in their first fight. Photo from The Ring archive Between the years of 1996 and 1999, my dad and my brothers would stay up until 5am to watch Evander Holyfield face Mike Tyson (twice) and Lennox Lewis (twice). These are some of my favourite memories of spending time with family. Coming in as an underdog in the first fight with Tyson (which a lot of people forget was the fight of the year), most fans expected Holyfield to get finished early. Even back then, many felt that he was past his prime. But Holyfield won and it left an impression on me. It was the first time I ever witnessed an athlete defy the odds and public sentiment so dramatically, and I was a big fan from that point on. A few years later, in 2003, me and dad watched the highlights of Evander Holyfield getting outboxed, outfoxed, and stopped by a resurgent James Toney. We watched these highlights in my dad’s hospital room as doctors and nurses helped to make him comfortable during his final days. It was a very sobering moment for me as a young man, witnessing the deterioration (albeit in different ways) of these two men that I held in such high regard. A few days later, Dad passed away at the age of 58 years old. This weekend, at the age of 58 years old, Evander Holyfield got back into the ring. You can say it was free will. But everybody knows Holyfield’s primary motivation: he needs money, and that need was exploited by some unscrupulous industry newcomers. I know that boxing has always been a colourful business that attracts chancers, crooks, and gangsters. But the people running Triller bring their own special brand of moral bankruptcy to the table. To throw the nearly 60-year-old Holyfield into the ring with a much younger pitbull (who’s had PED controversies in the past) on just a few days’ notice reflects the level of irresponsibility that Triller operates at. And in the end, Holyfield was just an afterthought. It was all to lure Jake Paul back into a mega-money event. I imagine I’m not the only fight fan that was enraged with this insane main event. And while I hope Evander got paid a truckload of cash (an 18-wheeler!), I also hope that nobody reading your mailbag supported that Triller card, Doug. These people clearly don’t care about real boxing fans, so I’m very interested to see what kind of numbers they pulled in this weekend. Do they even know who their target demo is? Regardless, I’m certain that the complete moral bankruptcy on display at Triller will eventually result in its financial bankruptcy. Keep up the great work, Doug! – Kevin, (Based in Vancouver but from Dublin) Thank you, Kevin, I will do my best. And thank you for sharing those very special and painful memories of your father with the Mailbag column. I can understand how it was extra heartbreaking for you to witness The Real Deal get treated like a rag doll (during and after the Triller Fight Club main event). Sometimes boxing is so cruel to its heroes that I just can’t stomach it. I’ve never watched Holmes-Ali or Norris-Leonard or Joppy-Duran for that reason, and I never will. I love the sport too much to allow the dark side of it and the ruthless elements of the business make me hate it. Having said that, I have no problem with anyone who paid $50 to watch Saturday’s s__t show. It’s their money. If they want to ball-up five $10 bills and cram ’em up their asses that’s their prerogative. God Bless ’em! Also, while I understand your outrage, I don’t want to see Triller go out of business. I’m not a fan of the Fight Club “Legends” exhibitions, but it’s good for boxing to have another platform for legitimate matchups to be showcased on. Here in the U.S., just having Showtime, FOX, ESPN/ESPN+ and DAZN isn’t enough accommodate all the fighters who are deserving of network exposure (and those platforms don’t work with enough promoters). It’s great that we’ve also got Ring City USA on NBC Sports Net and UFC Fight Pass, but it’s not enough. The TrillerVerz Tuesday night fights series kicked off with a well-received show headlined by heavyweight contender Michael Hunter at the Hulu Theater inside MSG on Aug. 3 and it continues tomorrow with what looks like a very solid card in Hollywood, Florida. That show has fighters from Miguel Cotto Promotions, Golden Boy, Thompson Boxing and Banner Promotions, and RDR Promotions, among others; and the matchups are legit: Undefeated (15-0) Puerto Rican up-and-comer Danielito Zorrilla vs. heavy handed Mexican veteran Pablo Cesar Cano is the quintessential crossroads bout at 140 pounds. There’s a scheduled lightweight match between once-beaten prospects Michael Dutchover (15-1) and Nahir Albright (13-1). There’s also a Mexican power puncher I’m familiar with from recent Thompson Boxing promotions named Miguel Madueno (24-0, with 22 KOs), who might just be “must-see TV.” I skipped Holyfield-Belfort but I’m more than happy to shell out $2.99 for a one-month pass to watch TrillerVerz on Fite.TV and I hope they’re able to continue the monthly Tuesday night series (if they keep up the quality matchmaking). I’m also curious to see what they do with the Oct. 4 Triller PPV topped with Teofimo Lopez vs. George Kambosos.   THOUGHTS ON OSCAR VALDEZ Hey Doug, Hope everything’s well with you. I decided for the first time ever to boycott a fight because of obvious reasons. I feel that if us boxing fans want change, we need to show it with our money not with words. In the end, Twitter, boxing forums and discussion boards are mostly a bunch of biased fanboys trying to defend their guy no matter what they’ve done, right or wrong. Posting and trying to win an argument there makes absolutely no difference, so I decided to use the only power I have to make my opinion count: my hard-earned cash. I admit that at first, I was outraged by the fact that Valdez tested positive. He was becoming my favorite Mexican fighter and was excited to see him fight, so I felt sad and angry to see him fail a test. After I calmed down and saw exactly what he tested positive for I decided to inform myself a little bit more. I read everything that was reported by The Ring including both Dan Rafael’s article and the VADA response by Dr. Margaret Goodman, also read Tweets by Mr. Coppinger and Victor Conte’s opinion about the subject and came to my own conclusion: there’s a reason VADA prohibits these kinds of stimulants in and out of competition. And as Dr. Goodman said, I won’t get into that, we can all find it on the internet if we want to. Now, since I didn’t watch the fight, I won’t get into all this robbery thing. From what I’m reading it seems fans were looking for reasons for them to score against Valdez just because they wanted him to lose rather than score the fight appropriately. Media I trust like you and Steve Kim (and others) scored the fight for Valdez calling it how you saw it while fans are screaming robbery. The main thing here is that Oscar Valdez’s reputation was hurt a lot more during this whole fight camp than any loss inside the ring would have hurt him. If he did do this on purpose or trusted someone when he took these supplements, he will forever regret that decision. From now on, at least from a group of people, he will forever be looked on as a cheater. That’s a knockdown way more difficult to climb up from than any other. I feel it’s easier to forgive a guy that comes out and admits his wrong doings rather than make up stuff like the herbal tea story. People can apologize and people forgive. If you don’t believe this look at how Mike Tyson is looked at today.  He was a convicted rapist, bit off a guy’s ear, admitted faking his tests in his own book, did all sort of nasty things in the last third of his career, threatened to eat Lennox Lewis children and now he’s everybody’s Teddy Bear. America forgives, there’s a lot of proof out there (Tiger Woods anybody?). We’re humans and make mistakes. I’m sure Valdez is learning from whatever he did, knowingly or not. One of the biggest things I’ve learned in recent years is to take responsibility of my acts and stop blaming results on others; stop making excuses. Guys need to man up and face the problems they created and stop making excuses or blaming others for it. Ever since I did that I managed to improve because I was able to identify mistakes I was making; things I blamed on external things were now clearer to me and I was able to change them and improve. If Oscar wants to turn things around, he really needs to do some soul searching, see where things went wrong and change that. He’s still young and can still change the narrative. As of right now, I’ll continue to put my money where my mouth is. Thanks Doug. – Juan Valverde, Chula Vista That’s the right thing to do, Juan, just don’t forget to use some of that money to support VADA. If it wasn’t for Dr. Goodman’s testing organization, pretty much every active high-profile boxer would be able to claim they’re “clean” because they passed the sub-standard state commission PED tests. Nine out of 10 times when we hear about a positive drug test in boxing, it’s a VADA test. I admit that at first, I was outraged by the fact that Valdez tested positive. He was becoming my favorite Mexican fighter and was excited to see him fight, so I felt sad and angry to see him fail a test. Valdez went from hero to zero with that positive test and the way he and his team handled it. All the fans he earned with his sensational performance and stoppage against Miguel Berchelt has been flushed down the toilet. As of now, and for the foreseeable future, he’s got the “The Mexican They Love to Hate” title that was created for Antonio Margarito and eventually passed on to his superstar stablemate Canelo. After I calmed down and saw exactly what he tested positive for I decided to inform myself a little bit more. I hope other fans – and, more importantly, boxers – did the same thing. It sucks when fighter pop positive, but it’s always an opportunity for those fighters and the boxing world to bone up on whatever “The Banned Substance of the Month” is. I read everything that was reported by The Ring including both Dan Rafael’s article and the VADA response by Dr. Margaret Goodman, also read Tweets by Mr. Coppinger and Victor Conte’s opinion about the subject and came to my own conclusion: there’s a reason VADA prohibits these kinds of stimulants in and out of competition. There shouldn’t be “out-of-competition” lists. If it’s a performance enhancer, it needs to stay out of the bodies of combat athletes. Now, since I didn’t watch the fight, I won’t get into all this robbery thing. It was a close fight.

Valdez vs. Conceição. Photo by Mikey Williams/Top Rank Inc via Getty Images From what I’m reading it seems fans were looking for reasons for them to score against Valdez just because they wanted him to lose rather than score the fight appropriately. Hey, that’s how it goes when you’re “The Mexican They Love to Hate,” but in fairness to Robson Conceicao, the Brazilian boxed very well for much of the fight, especially the first half. But Valdez came on strong over the second half, landing the more effective punches in most of the rounds. That bogus point deduction didn’t help the challenger (I guess the ref and the official judges didn’t get the memo that Valdez is the TMTLTH). The main thing here is that Oscar Valdez’s reputation was hurt a lot more during this whole fight camp than any loss inside the ring would have hurt him. No doubt about it. His image would have fared much better if he’d admitted he f__ked up, apologized to his fans, his team, his management, promoter, the WBC, the tribal commission in Tucson, and then signed up for extensive VADA testing for the next three-to-six months. And if he got through that period without a positive, return to the ring as humbly as possible. I feel it’s easier to forgive a guy that comes out and admits his wrong doings rather than make up stuff like the herbal tea story. I agree, but what if that really is what he believes? People can apologize and people forgive. They can. They don’t always do so, but hopefully most can. If you don’t believe this look at how Mike Tyson is looked at today. He was a convicted rapist, bit off a guy’s ear, admitted faking his tests in his own book, did all sort of nasty things in the last third of his career, threatened to eat Lennox Lewis children and now he’s everybody’s Teddy Bear. Yeah, but that didn’t happen overnight, Juan. Tyson was “The N__ga They Love to Hate” for 10-15 years. The American public began to mellow on him as he began to mellow out with age (and a LOT of marijuana). But his brutal honesty (especially when he aimed it at himself) has always been a part of his appeal. I don’t think you can compare other boxers with Tyson, who was a bona fide global superstar. The public likes to see celebrities fall, but they also enjoy redemption stories among the famous. Read the full article

[blackshabbatmusic]

Dookie (Green Day) - Feb 1, 1994

So, I wanted to start with this because, in a time honored tradition of punk teens dating back to 1994, the very first album I bought with my own money was a copy of Dookie. It was exciting even though I’d heard some of the songs before - my dad used to play Basket Case a lot, and the very first song I taught myself on my guitar was When I Come Around. I picked up the guitar after I bought the album, so that’s technically getting ahead of myself, but whatever.

Burnout: A fun fact about me is that I dropped out of college! So I’m a lot more into this song now that I was in the seventh grade. 

Having A Blast: This is a song about a suicide bomber. I actually own this album on cassette tape and the cassette lyric sheet has a bundle of dynamite drawn next to the lyrics. Pretty cool. I definitely listened to this song on loop a lot when I was in freshman year which is definitely a symptom of some kind of metal problem.

Chump: Another classic generic angry punk song. Good for when you want something to project your anger onto, you know? Tre Cool kills it as always on the drums. There’s also an insane instrumental in this song that I literally always forget about. It’s really good though and it fades perfectly into Longview.

Longview: So, this is a song about jerking it. The bassline is what this song is most known for, it’s very acid-forward. It’s one of those songs where the bassline is more instantly recognizable than the guitar part. My cassette tape is actually fucked up and makes the first 30 seconds of this song sound like an anxiety attack but I think that adds to the experience. 

Welcome To Paradise: It’s frequently incorrectly claimed that Dookie is Green Day’s first album but that’s not true. Before Dookie was released on Warner Bros, Green Day released two albums with now-defunct record label Lookout! Records. (Author’s note: Larry Livermore has a really cool autobiography called How To Ru(i)n a Record Label. Check it out! I thought it was pretty rad.) Anyways, their first two albums featured covers. (Their debut 39/Smooth featured a cover of another East Bay band, Operation Ivy, and their second album Kerplunk had a Who cover.) This song is technically a self-cover, as it’s a re-recording of a song off of Kerplunk. I think that’s kinda neat. The actual song is solid, I really like the guitar line. It’s about the shitty house the band shared, and it’s I think fun to have songs that are about some very base and grounded reality, as much as I like songs about stuff like The Abstract Concept Of Anger.

Pulling Teeth: This is a song about BDSM. It is one of many songs that Green Day has about BDSM. They’re all very fun if you think songs about BDSM are fun. Again, Mr. Cool on the drums. Fucked up how into him I was in middle school. I didn’t even have a crush on him, I had, like - gender envy. Fucked up. 

Basket Case: This is another personal favorite and also another song where my cassette tape is fucked up and makes the song sound like a panic attack. I think it works for this one. I remember being obsessed with the pronouns for the prostitute changing mid-line and none of my straight friends understanding why. Which is funny because there’s literally a song on this album about being bisexual. My dad used to play this song a ton when I was younger but he like. Edited the lyrics on account of my being small. So I was very surprised the first time I heard the actual song. 

She: Another angry punk song that is WONDERFUL if you are in middle school and very very mad all the time because of your undiagnosed mental illnesses. It’s nice to have a song you can just freak the fuck out to sometimes, you know?

Sassafras Roots: This song is romantic but, like, in a scumbag way, you know? It’s romantic in the way that sharing a joint and a flask in a public bathroom is romantic.  

When I Come Around: This is the first song I ever taught myself on guitar and it’s still the chord progression I use to get the feel of a six-string. I don’t think that it ever won’t be, you know? Also again I had SO much gender envy for BJA in the music video for this song it was unreal.

Coming Clean: The aforementioned bisexuality song! I used to think it was funny seeing people call Billie Joe Armstrong an “ally” for touring with Pansy Division. It’s still pretty funny if you can pretend not to be mad about people ignoring the fact that he’s not straight just because he’s married to a woman. I’ve always been very into the line “I’ve found out what it takes to be a man” because so often gay and bi men are treated like we are less male due to our attraction to other men, so hearing it phrased as something affirming like “what it takes to be a man” was very empowering to me as a bisexual teenager. Armstrong does a similar thing in a song on a different album, King For A Day, which is about crossdressing and has the line “just wait til all the guys get a load of me,” taking the idea that male femininity should be a shameful secret and instead making it a bragging point for himself.

Emenius Sleepus: Okay, this is maybe lame or whatever, but I think that “I think you’re sick and I wanna go home” is a genuinely brilliant line. This is the only song on the album whose lyrics weren’t written by Armstrong. The lyrics are actually credited to bassist Mike Dirnt. The song is about meeting a childhood friend and being disgusted by the way they turned out. It’s a really good song. In The End: Another sort of spiteful song with not a lot of lyrical substance; it seems like a few of these songs were intentionally vague? I’d love to know why. Then, “vague semi-directionless anger” is like, basically the biggest theme in punk rock, especially the 90s punk revival. 

F.O.D.: This song actually starts very soft and builds into a more traditional punk revival piece. I love that shit, I love songs like this that start with just a guitar and a singer and get into a full band piece halfway through, I think it’s SO fun.

All By Myself: So this is a secret track on this album that I literally. Always forget about. It’s definitely a song that a bunch of a shithead 20 year olds would put out as a joke. The song is Tre Cool on an acoustic guitar talking about jerking off to someone in their bedroom. You can hear his bandmates laughing in the background. Very punk rock.

I’m realizing now how much of this album is just angry songs. It’s a little funny when you think about how often Green Day was mocked for putting out corny love songs. Not that I don’t love corny love songs. I also love Billie Joe Armstrong’s voice on early Green Day albums. The whiny 20-something carries through VERY strong which is super fun. I might be motivated by nostalgia, honestly, but I do really get why this album had so much sticking power and how it helped Green Day break through from the underground Bay Area punk scene into like - movie soundtracks and shit. It’s a really solid piece of art from three talented musicians.

[calliecat93]

RvB Season 15: Top 3 Worst Things

With Season 16 only weeks away, I’ve been going back over Season 15 a lot the past few days. I’m very late to the party on giving critique because at first, I had zero issues with the season. And overall, I think it’s still a very good one. But... it’s not flawless. There’s definitely a few issues that could bring the season down for some and now that I ave a clearer mind, I can’t ignore it. But I also think that there’s plenty to praise about the season as well, so... I’m going to make two Top 3 Lists, starting with the Worst. Note, this post exists for critical reasons. This is not an attack on Joe, Miles, Burnie, or anyone at Rooster Teeth. There is no reason for it. I want to see Joe improve, not bring him down. SO if you want that, kindly fuck off. For now, lets get into the list!

...that got incredibly long so look under the cut!

Top Three Worst Things ABout RvB15

3. The Film Refrences Are Overly Used

Joe Nicolosi has admitted to being a movie buff, and I always feel like you should use what you like/what you’re good at when making anything. Jax’s character existed to use film humor, and at first it was pretty good. Things like him the Citizen Kane reference and Force Awakens reference in Episode 4, Jax forgetting to record in Episode 5, and his jokes in Episode 7 were legitimately funny. The problem is... they never stopped. It’s perfectly fine to use a running gag, and Hell RvB HAS used pop culture humor multiple times. It’s a show based on Halo after all. But Nicolosi used in in every episode and it stopped being funny. Jax became annoying and while he was helpful in getting footage of Temple’s plans and distracting Lorenzo, he got grating because he wouldn’t shut up. And if you are like me and don’t understand all the references, it’s going to feel like Joe is cramming them down your throat. Fortunately, hes said that he’s going to hold back some in the upcoming season, which is good. He listened, and that's important. I don’t mind this kind of humor at all, just... space it out a little and don’t wear it out. Otherwise, ti just becomes annoying and unbearable and for a show like RvB, that’s something you just can’t afford to do.

2, The Blues and Reds

The idea of using evil versions of characters is always a fun plot. Its a good way to show how the heroic character has grown or even trigger them into growing. For example, in Danny Phantom he’s faced with an evil future version of himself and it is horrifying. It leads to Danny not only maturing a little to not make the mistakes, but he’a chance to fix the damage and does so. It’s a great example of a hero being faced with the worst of himself and choosing to become something better. This idea for RvB was a legit good idea and leads to a lot of possibilities. So the problem? There’s a few...

First, the copies are just exaggerations of the Reds and Blues. They don’t feel like characters aside form Temple, Loco, and Biff and I’ll explain why in a bit. The others feel incredibly shallow. I mean Hell, Simmons’ copy is voiced by Gus still even though everyone else got a different voice actor. I mean it leads to the amazing moment in Episode 20.. but at the same time he still feels less like a character and more like a plot device. The Blues and Reds, aside form the ones I listed, just feel like they’re there because the plot demanded that everyone have some kind of copy. It’same issue I felt Miles had with The CHorus Trilogy, he added a lot of characters but couldn’t do a lot with the majority of them due to time. 

In relation to this... why are they committing to this plan? I know what you’re, “Well Biff was horribly killed and they realized they were pawns”. No. That is Temple’s motivation. He is angry that his best friend was murdered in cold blood and that it was ultimately for no reason. Loco’s motivation is to be Temple’s best friend, but unlike everyone else he has regrets about it and uses his final moments to make it up to Caboose. It gives him a character even if he is more or less a Caboose copy, but it’s something. Biff is dead, but they did take the time to explain why he ended up int he military, why he wanted out, and he was an overall nice guy who isn’t like Grif aside form wanting out of the military, wears orange, and the Sarge copy hating him. Similar want, completely different motivation and character.

Why do Surge, Gene, Lorenzo, Cronut, and Bucky want revenge? Why are they committing to Temple’s insane plan? Why si no one questioning this Did they before? How did Temple convince the Reds into it? Maybe if we saw their reactions when they found the Freelancer Base and the truth, liek we did with our guys, that would be answered. But we don’t know. We don’t knwo why any of them would go along with this, or at least not ask if this is the right thing to do. We know that Temple cared about Biff, but what about Biff’s actual team? Likely he and Gene weren't as close as Grif and Simmons are, but did they have a friendship at all? We saw briefly that Surge may feel bad about Biff’s death, but he doesn't express it and it’s more based on his need to obey orders than anything. We don’t know Biff’s relationship with his team, so you question why they’re going along with it and... do you see what I’m getting at?

The Blues and Reds feel shallow and one-note. A lot of people don’t like Temple because he’s an asshole...a nd he is. But at least they fleshed out his motivation and character so even though you hate him, at least you see why he’s doing what he’s doing. Loco overall i also fine since he differed and did have a conscious. The others though Wasted. They just to because this plot demanded it and nothing is done to make them distinctive. We just want to see them die... okay maybe that was the intent, but still it made them weak villains and I’m not going to be missing them. But hey, we got the moment in Episode 20 due to it so... it’s not all bad.

1. It Was One Season

This is by far the biggest issue with the season. The were a lot of ideas for this season, and you can tell. It was a legit good idea and could have carried two seasons worth of stories... but for some reason they decided to make it a standalone. IDK if it was Joe who decided this or Burnie and Matt did, but it meant that things had to be rushed. You now what I said above? About the villains falling flat? If they had more time, chances are they could have fixed that. But because it was condensed into one season of 21 episodes, they couldn’t.

Now if it had been two seasons, they could have worked on some more things. Like what I said above about the villains and maybe extending the flashback so we could see them discovering the truth. We could have had some mroe solid characterization and understood what was motivating everyone into such drastic actions. Outside that, we could have seen how Red Team was dealing with Grif quitting more and explored things like Donut feeling left out or watching Sarge’s descent into siding with the Blues and Reds. Heck, we could have had Simmons maybe play up siding with the Blues and Reds for an episode, then actually trigger an escape plan that fails, but it would show us that he's what his kissassing ways. Especially if they emphasize on how much worst Gene is at lot and have it be like old Simmons is talking to current Simmons, provoking him further into becoming more independent. That would also justify Gus (who did a great job in the season BTW) being the voice actor for both which let sit feel less like it’s for just a joke and make it even more impactful since it’s current Simmons talking to himself essentially. Which would make the moment in Episode 20 even mroe satisfying. It took me about five minutes to come up with this and in a larger story could have been an effective and if played right funny character arc... but in a one season story, it would have taken up too much time so it wouldn’t be able to be included. But do you see how Simmons would get character development base don both his feelings about losing Grif and for his own benefit? And how it would make Gene a much stronger evil reflection, becoming something for Simmons to overcome and be better than by the end?

I’m saying is’the standalone format caused things to be rushed and ideas to be wasted. As I said, there as enough for two seasons worth. The first season could have the content of... the first fourteen episodes. If you do it as a typical 19 or 20 episode season, you get 5-6 more episodes to play with more ideas. Int he second half, we can start with showing Grif again and bringing Locus back in. Maybe have them go on a little roadtrip where they gather more people like Sister or something, letting her be a regular again and not in just two episodes. You have more room to experiment like show how far Locus has come, have Grif Sibs humor, let Sister have more character and show that she can be clever and resourceful, show more of how Grif’s isolation really affected him and how he needs the others. You can still make all of that both funny and emotional like have Grif and Sister talking about their various shenanigains and Grif is at first complaining about all the shit he goes through. Then he slowly starts talking more slowly about the dumb things and how he hates everyone.. but he also misses them all, feels horrible for walking out like he did, and show how negatively he thinks about himself. Sister, in her own way, makes him feel better. You get comedy, character development, and fun interactions that way. See where I’m going?

There great ideas and opportunities with this season. Hell, the possibility of meeting more Freelancers is pretty cool. But because we only had one season, they had to finish the plot in limited time. They couldn’t explore the opportunity gift-wrapped for them. Int he end they still made a good product, but you still are left feeling like there was so much more that could have been done. Like if I were paid to rewrite Season 15 and was able to make it a two parter, I already have a general idea of what I would do. It is doable.  But if I had only one season... yeah, I’d have to cutback a LOT of it. Like I said, IDK whose idea it was, but it was in hindsight one that hurt the season. Because of this, ti is the worst thing about Season 15.

And there you have it! 'l best another day, typing this took me an hour. And regardless, I really enjoyed the season. It could have bee so much more, but I will gladly take what I got. Joe’s already stated on how he’s read the critiques and will try to improve, and that is important for any content creator. So I wish him the best of luck,a nd now I can feel better now that this is out of my system.